#too bad im not getting this because i dont follow strangers

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if i cut off someone reaching out for help on tumblr? i am a very anxious person. ive been on tumblr a very long time because most all other social media terrifies me as someone who grew up with the wild west internet a decade past (im in my late 20s) so i feel sometimes with how reckless and spurractic people can be online in chatroom and especially clearly public platforms where any stranger, malicious or otherwise can just archive your digital presence for personal use.

more recently as someone who has been here during the pornban and as an asexual really enjoyed the quiet with no drama farming and a slow pace to talk about more unique political topics in a measured way it is something im strangely nostalgic for and a great example of my sensibilities to people when they insist that i use other platforms like discord or twitter or whatever clone for these services comes out of the old guard introducing feature creep to copy everyone else or any other indi "were the anti corporate version" of the endless scroll apps. i just dont want it. tumblr is special because im desktop only, been here for years, and i have kept track of every single change made so i have manually adjusted the change through hacks to evade every bad decision on here and make my set up look identical to how it was in 2010. so let it be understood that i tend to be a loney person because of this stubbornness. web 3.0 is too dangerous to people with addictive tendencies that my adhd brings out and my need to wear my heart on my sleeve. so i hope i defended my personality type enough to show why someone like me would see a post about some horrible abuses they have fell victim to who also share alot of the marginalized status as me and writing depressive things in the replys of others posts as to attention seek about it.

i directly interact with this person, not only to check if they are real (but wow, modern chat bots make this part horrifying for me. we really cant ever know for sure what is real anymore. trying to find warmth on the internet feels impossible now a days) i have multiple conversations at this point both venting and just casually shooting the shit. but the begging for me to constantly repost their paypal makes me so nervous in a way that i feel so guilty for because it reminds me of all the scams that get associated with this kind of ebegging and the reminder that capitalism takes away all warmth from human interaction to make them purely transnational and conditional. but then it just has been escalating where im so scared that now its not enough that im reposing on my 8 follower, all mutual blog, they are asking me to share it on other socials. accounts i do not have i have a flip phone and a laptop and i am tinkering with a windows 7 tower that will never be connected to the internet so i can always have software sit perfectly in its time capsule for when i need it. i do not have a way to help this person outside of what i learned from collage psyche classes. a part of me is so scared to just abruptly cut them off and just delete my entire account like i tend to do often on tumblr for a multitude of reasons, its a part of what lets people survive being here this long but i worry that would crush them if i did that, i dont want to make them feel more hopeless and unwanted then they already talk about. but i am text on the internet through a screen. i can only do so much. so would i be the asshole if i just deleted my account with a "i hope you hang in there, the world is a harsh place but keep moving" to cut someone so similar to me who is struggling out of my life?

What are these acronyms?

[dreamauri]

begging for a new “for sentimental reasons” chapter.

I AM STARVED

♪ — 𝗙𝗢𝗥 𝗦𝗘𝗡𝗧𝗜𝗠𝗘𝗡𝗧𝗔𝗟 𝗥𝗘𝗔𝗦𝗢𝗡𝗦 - part nine charles leclerc  x  fem! driver! reader (angst) “… forgetting is troublesome especially when you used to be enemies.”

voice notes 🔊 . . . ( very short, sorry. AND BEFORE YOU READ. IM ALSO VERY VERY SORRY. theres still a few more chapters to get to. so, relax )

( fic master list | general master list ) ( requests ) ( previous | next )

You gulped as you turned up the volume on the tv, tears stinging your eyes as you watched Andrew Garfield's spider man on the TV, swinging around. And no matter how loud or visually distracting the movie was you could still hear your father shouting on the phone in the other room. Your one chance at getting a sponsor and you perform a very lovely last place. "ARE YOU HAPPY WITH THIS, BECAUSE I AM VERY HAPPY." You flinched as you watched him enter the room, shutting the door. "What was I even thinking? You're just a stupid girl."

-

"Hey." You wiped your tears looking up at the blurry figure. "Bad day, huh?" He sat beside you. You looked at him confused, who was this guy? "You had a bad day too?" "Very bad." You could almost put a finger on his accent. "What happened to you?" A deep sigh rocked your chest as you reieved your memories from earlier. "I haven't been performing that well in my profession recently, my team is going to drop me . . . My dad was right, I'm just a stupid girl." "I beg to differ . . . When I look at you I see, . . . this strong woman who's put me in shock several times. She's very strong, and just as beautiful." You tried to blink your eyes clean. Who was this drunk stranger trying to comfort an equally drunk girl on the side of the street. "What's your name?" “Carl.” He lied straight through his teeth.

-

“Carl? Are you following me? What are you doing in this part of the world?” “I was going to ask you that question! I missed you!”

-

“How long till she realizes Carl is the guy she hates the most in the world?” “Shut up, Lando.” “Oh, I’m sorry Charles— I mean, Carl.”

-

“Hey?” You snapped your head up, looking at the boy confused. Now was really not the time. You were balancing your whole weight on your feet. Rehabilitation sessions after a 48g crash wasn’t something you could chat through. “Leclerc. If you don’t mind, I’m expecting company—” “I am company.” “Boy, just go. I have no energy to fight with you.” “I’m Carl . . .” You scoffed, rolling your eyes. “Yeah I know, now please leave.”

-

“Y/N, please.” Charles held your hand. “In the time I spent with you, I’ve grown . . . feelings for you.” You chuckled. “You grew feelings? What is it? A plant? You don't grow feelings, Charles.” “Now's not the time to correct my english!” “Yeah yeah. Okay well, we were drunk, drunk people do stupid stuff.” “I wasn’t drunk! You were.” “—I’ll punch your face.” “SORRY, sorry. Just. I really do love you, Y/N!” “HAH— AND I'M A POTATO.”

-

“Give me this one chance! Please, Y/N." "Why should I?! Why do you love me?" "I— I dont know?! You make me happy! You make me feel safe. Its just— sentimental reasons, okay?"

★ ☆ ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“Oh . . .”

In extreme truth revealing situations, emotions are always easy to blind humans, especially when it comes to betrayal. Somepeople may act rashly and take risks. Some people stand incredibly still. Their eyes wide, heart cracking and shattering. Some feel silent anger, others feel a panic attack crashing in. 

Maybe things can be better. Right? You can always fix what's broken, whether it was objects or bones. Feelings too. You can fix your feelings, yes? Yes? You can forgive him. Of course you can, can you not? You love him. You need him. 

The tears that fill your eyes start to run down your cheeks and neck. A hiccup slowly leaves your lips as you continue to look down at your shoes. Breathing was getting harder and your hands that hugged you into yourself gripped your biceps a little too harshly, warm crimson was dripping down your arm and fingers.

“H—how—” how dare you, you wanted to ask. The blurry figure in red tried to take a step closer only for you to take one back in return. “I thought I— I thought—” You shut your mouth to hold back the sobs. You brushed your hair from your face, a sad chuckle leaving your lips as you wiped your eyes.

“Why—” You looked at Charles, demanding an explanation. The pain felt immense. The panic washed away and was soon replaced by anger and sadness. “I thought I could trust you? I thought we were a team?” You took a step forward grabbing his wrist holding up the pliers. “I don’t even want to know what you were doing.”

 You dropped his hand before pushing past him. 

[reidshearts]

new roomie?

pairing: steve harrington x fem!henderson reader

content: swearing, mentions of drugs, idiot steve

y/n henderson had always envies her younger brother. I mean come on, how had Dustin Henderson manage to gain five more friends than her. the only friend y/n had was the infamous willow roth, ex-cheerleader at hawkins high and your current roommate at college. they had been strangers before bumping into each other at a fresher's week party, coincidently studying the same subject; law.

you two became best friends and lived in the same flat until willow got suspended for multiple instances of being caught with weed on the campus along with other drugs, however with a record as clean as her's and straight grades she got lucky and no law enforcements were called.

"do your seriously have to leave!", you exclaimed, laying on your back on the bed with your head dangling off "- i mean it wasn't that bad...right will?"

your best friends mouth curled into a smile as she witnessed your antics, "it was going to happen eventually y/n, anyways robin was telling me about this hot new guy who joined, something about going to high school with him back in Hawkins". now this caught your attention as you roll off the bed with a thud onto your stomach.

"first of all ouch and secondly you say that as if im obsessed and fall in love with every guy i see!" you huff, sitting up against your bed, earning a look of disbelief from willow.

"alright fine! how hot on a scale of ten? also what subject is he taking? does he have a girlfriend because that is the biggest question i need to know-"

"-slow down y/n/n ! and to answer your questions, ten out of ten, i think some sports or doctor related thing, and i dont know ask robin when you next see her! anyways shouldn't you start cleaning the flat since your new roomie should be arriving in 20 minutes?!" replies willow with a hand on her hip.

"jeez okay mum!", reluctantly standing from your position on the floor to fling yourself into willows arms "but first a goodbye hug!!"

after 10 more minutes of goodbyes with lots of tears and laughing, you began the cleaning which didn't take too long seeing as all the rooms were tiny! while wiping the counters in the kitchen you heard the jingle of keys and the opening of the front door, so you threw the cloth in the sink and flattened out your skirt before making your way into the view of the door.

you slightly flinch as the door slammed against the wall behind it as her new roommate came into view lugging suitcases and a backpack inside, looking up at the stranger before you, you struggled to get the words out.

My gods he was pretty, mousy brunette hair with lighter brown highlights were illuminated from the sun streaming through the kitchen blinds. you didn't know whether it was from the heat or if he was naturally glowing that caused your eyes to widen as you shamelessly checked him out. clearing your throat you draw your eyes away and caught yourself from where they were to soon follow his torso down lower and smile back up at him.

"y/n", you exclaimed loudly before clearing your throat and beginning again , "Sorry hi I'm y/n henderson!"

Shaking his head at the abruptness as he takes his turn to admire you and he smiles widely before if falls with shock and confusion after processing what you had just said, "Henderson? shit"

He can not be falling for dustin's sister!

[lordofthetwistedflies]

Hi there! I saw you just stared following me and I went to look at your page and saw that one of your Big Three is yuurivoice!

I also saw that you do hc for stuff, so I was wondering if you could do a few hc for Al, Charlie and Seth with a reader who stutters? Not like a bad stutter just when their stressed or embarrassed.

I've never put in an ask to someone so I dont know if this would be ok.

Sorry if im bothering you lol

Hi omg!!! I'm so sorry, I didn't get a notification for this! I'm 100% willing to write this! I hope you like it!!

"Stuttering Beauty"

Alphonse

"Need a minute? Got it, alright. Let's try that one again."

He genuinely thought your stutter was the cutest thing on the planet

He understands that it can be kinda embarrassing for you, so he tries to lift you up when it gets particularly bad

Helps you double back on your sentence so you can try again

And when talking is too much, he's more than willing to be your mouth. Just,,, let him know first because he doesn't want to treat you like you're incapable.

Seth

"You uh... You doin' okay there, sugar?"

It caught him off guard when it first happened, admittedly. But when you explain that it's just something that happens when you get nervous, he's on top of helping you out.

Helps you recenter and refocus so you can try again without stumbling over your words and needing to retry them. Sometimes you need a hard factory reset and that's okay!

When things seem to be going okay and your stutter flares up, he gives your hand a gentle squeeze to make sure you're okay.

Charlie

"Shit, was that too far? Fuck- I'm sorry- Here lemme-"

As a kid, Charlie actually made fun of your stutter. It was entirely because he found it cute and didn't know how to express that, so he would make sly little asshole comments about it.

He stops if it actually hurts your feelings though-

As an adult, he's a bit more honest about his feelings, telling you that he finds your stammering adorable.

But as an anxiety-ridden lil guy who is no stranger to getting incredibly tounge-tied, he completely understands if you don't see it the same way.

Also, his stutter becomes cyclical. If you're nervous and stuttering, he gets nervous and stuttering. It's a whole mess.

[crookedkryptonitebeliever]

Best and Worst of both Worlds (part 1)

Tw: yandere oc guy, but i dont think this chapter shown that yet, but readers a fuckin stalker loser this time, university horrors

Okay guys so this story im literally pitting Yves and Montgomery together, gonna be a little slow burn but we r gonna get 2 da conflict like eventually

Also da settting in university cuase its da most relevant 2 me 💯

Enjouy

PART 2

He's so beautiful and ethereal. The man has been plaguing your mind for the entire week, you're being distracted from your assignments just because of this unbelievably gorgeous man with silky, long hair and dressed to the tens.

You grinded your teeth and scratched your skin, you know where he frequents. The university's library. And you obviously want to get closer to him after he caught you from falling. You slipped on a sheet of paper that you dropped and this mysterious stranger was there to catch you by the waist before your body could make any devastating impact. Unfortunately, your stacks of textbooks and other miscellaneous documents were scattered to the ground.

"Are you alright?" He asked, his voice was smooth and pleasant with a unique, suave accent to it.

You were reduced to a nervous, stuttery mess. He gently brought you back up to your feet, he helped you gather your things and even arranged it by size and weight, so that it would be less likely for it to topple over. The man took a further step to smoothen the frizzles of your hair, fix your collar and sleeves. He even zipped your backpack up, you were unaware that it was open in the first place, adding to your embarrassment. You couldn't really push him away because your arms are occupied with your belongings.

It was hard to look into those stunning emerald eyes without flustering yourself even further, so you looked away while you stammered a "thanks" to him.

"Be careful." He said as he tilted your head by the chin to make direct eye contact. You know that you're as red as a tomato, but he didn't comment on it. The man lets you go before walking away, he fixed the handles of his luxury bag on his shoulder. Luscious curls bouncing with every step.

You felt like you wanted to explode right there and then, it took you a while to regain composure, other university personnel wondering why you're just standing in the middle of the path like that. Aren't you tired of holding all that stuff? It looked heavy.

You were snapped back into your senses when someone who you assumed had a bad day, told you to get out of the way. You scurried along the traffic, having the incident fresh in your mind.

You wonder who that man is, a student? A professor? A staff member?

You came to know that he's in the library for a few hours every weekday afternoons. He doesn't have a particular spot, the mystique spontaneously appears in random but fairly secluded reading spots in the library.

You felt like a stalker, but that's what you are. Too shy and afraid to talk to him, yet content with watching from afar. His ears are covered by his hair, so you don't know if he had any earbuds in. Fuelling your hesitance to make any contact first.

He could be reading a thick novel, handwriting something down on his notebook, or he could be typing away on his sleek, black laptop. In either instances, you have no idea what he's doing, it's either in a foreign language, full of numbers or completely made up of technical jargon.

You don't know why you're doing this instead of studying for your midterms. You're never like this to any of your crushes, not this obsessive over a real person, so why now? What compelled you to become this... creep? It's like you can't stop. You're scared of rejection but you can't get rid of the butterflies in your stomach.

You had no one to talk to about it because university is a very lonely place. At least, for personality types like you. You didn't want to bother your other friends, they have their own problems to worry about.

It reaches a point that you tried following him out of the library, wondering where he will go next. Before you could step past the automatic sliding doors, you looked at the book in your hand.

'Wait a minute, this is fucked up.' You thought to yourself. This isn't like you, exams are in spitting distance and you're subjecting this poor person to this harassment just because of a singular interaction.

You made a 180⁰ turn and marched back to your all-time favourite seat. Which happened to be occupied by the stranger earlier, maybe that made you a little peeved because you "claimed" it first at the start of the year. But he took it for the day.

To your surprise, there lies his notebook on the ground. He must have accidentally left it. You picked it up and looked around to make sure the coast was clear, then you flipped through it.

You were blasted with numericals, diagrams, words you weren't sure if it was written in English or otherwise and even floorplans of a building of some sort. You couldn't understand anything.

"Excuse me."

You whipped your head to the whisper. It was him! Your blood ran cold as he caught you snooping through his item. You opened your mouth, but no sound came out.

You struggled to form a coherent sentence as you pointed at it, you're done for, you're going to be confirmed a creep. But he only watched you with the utmost patience.

There came a point where you gave up, placed the closed book on the table and pushed it towards him.

Luckily though, you didn't have to say another word.

"You found my notebook. How careless of me to have dropped it." He pulled a chair opposite of you and sat down. You watch him place his handbag on another chair.

He elegantly picked the journal up and slid it into his bag. You were sweating at this point, the dread is about to make you vomit on him and that's not great. You wished that he would go away now, but seeing that he's locked onto his seat, it's highly unlikely.

You prayed hard for it though, he finished his business for the day. There shouldn't be any reason for him to linger.

"Thank you for keeping it safe. I hope you found whatever it is you were seeking from me." He continued, crossing his legs and resting his hands on the table.

What.

You asked what he meant by that.

A teasing smile made its way to his rouge lips.

"You were watching me." You grew pale and you scrambled to explain yourself, but he raised his index finger to signal you to let him continue.

"Your tact could be improved upon; I could see you trying to hide behind the shelves, I could hear you mumbling to yourself, and you shouldn't think so lowly of yourself." He propped his head up on one elbow.

Your cheeks felt hot. That is true, you were berating yourself for being too wimpy to go ahead and talk to him. You just didn't think you were that loud.

"I would have enjoyed having a chat with you. I wouldn't have thought that you were-- and in your own words, a 'creepy, loser-freak'."

Oh. He heard that too. You wish that you could disappear this instant.

"I'm flattered that you thought highly of me. However, I was disappointed that you thought that I was intimidating." He pouted playfully. "I won't bite." He twirls a lock of his hair around his fingers.

Your nerves are frazzled as he leans in. You didn't know what to say or what to do. He seemingly picks up on that and continues leading the conversation.

"Let's start with names. Tell me yours and I'll tell you mine." You felt his shoe brush against your leg.

You almost forgot your own name as you watch the bead of sweat drip down your nose in horror. He must think you're a stinky slob.

But all he does is stare straight into your soul while drumming his fingers against the table.

You told him your name, with a severe stutter. Each passing second felt like a serrated knife slicing through your flesh.

He repeated it, syllables rolling through his tongue wonderfully. He pronounced it correctly on the first try despite your cripplingly anxious enunciation.

"Yves." He replied. Finally, you have his name. You're totally not going to use that to dig for more information on him.

"You have a beautiful name." He complimented.

You nervously returned the compliment and let out an awkward laugh. Trying your best to ignore the growing sweat stain between your pits.

"How charming of you, (name)." He stood up and pushed his chair back under the table. Yves collected his bag and turned his attention back to you.

"I'd love to talk longer, but I must go now. I believe you have an exam to prepare for. Best begin your revision now, I hope our brief conversation has helped to quell your worries."

...and you mumbled that part about yourself too. It's pretty safe to assume he heard all your thoughts.

Yves extended a manicured hand to you. Taking this as a clear request for a handshake, you accepted it.

Only for him to bring it up to his lips, tenderly and fleetingly kissing your knuckles. This entire time, his piercing gaze never left your eyes.

You wanted to claw yourself out of your flesh and die out of embarrassment.

"Study well."

He lets your hand down and presses it momentarily with his larger ones.

You watched him saunter away with his back turned against you.

You brought the back of your palm to your sight.

There is a faint, reddish tint on it. It must have been from his lipstick.

You're not sure if you ever want to wash your hand after this.

[stxrvel]

the voices in my head (7)

series summary: you woke up from a long coma with no memory of a part of your life only to be told by your teammates that you're married to the man you hated seven years ago. even though that seemed to be the only problem, as time goes on you're realizing there's a lot more history and mystery behind the accident that left you in medical care for months. blackouts, more memory loss, mistrust and a strange man who seems to be connected to everything. every day it gets harder to trust anyone around you, but you won't stop until you can finally uncover the truth behind the accident.

chapter summary: you try to get answers, but not everything is as it seems. you may actually be living a lie.

pairing: bucky barnes x f!reader

words: +5k

warnings: bad words and descriptions of blood. a lot of confusing answers too.

note: ok guys. heres the next part in this series and i dont even know what happened. im kind of a let it happen writer, so i just started writing this chapter with what i had in my drafts, and the suddenly everyting came to life and started to write itself. like i dont know whats happening anymore, 80% of this wasnt planned. BUT i dont dislike the way this one turned out. im actually happy because it filled a gap in the plot that i'd had for some time and didn't know how to handle. as you may have seen in my reblogs, i dont tend to plan things out, i just start writing and the characters will tell me their stories. so, i just hope you guys love and ejoy this chapter!! know feedback is alwas appreciated! and i hope you end up as confused as i am. love you all!

masterlist | next | series masterlist

Bucky was in a haze. His fingers were trembling and he felt his heart racing to get out of his chest. He didn't know what he was doing, but he let his body guide him because there had to be a reason for all that, for all that fuss, for all that suffering. His feet hurt, he didn't even know how long he had been running for, but not even the rest of the team following behind him had made him stop until now. (Maybe they didn't want to stop him either.)

Maybe he was already in the middle of that city. There were too many buildings, sounds of car horns, the hurried footsteps of people walking past him, tapping his shoulder, not even looking at him as if he didn't even deserve to be recognized by a stranger before staggering his whole world.

Bucky wasn't sure he deserved many things anymore. He used to think it was all a gift, he used to think that after so much pain he was finally collecting happiness and peace of mind. He thought he really deserved it. But maybe he didn't. If all that had happened behind his back, if he had allowed it, if he hadn't even suspected it? Did he even deserve a look?

No, maybe he deserved those rubs, the footsteps on his boots, the coffee on his jacket. Maybe he deserved to feel that pain, that burning. Maybe it was the least he could do, it was the only thing he could give back, because in his foggy mind he couldn't think of what else he could do. He deserved that pain and more because it surely didn't even compare to yours, nor did it come close on the heels of everything you had to do.

There was a moment when he thought that had he had the chance to handle that damned time gem hanging around Strange's neck he would have done it without hesitation, not for a single second, not like that damned Stephen had hesitated and in vain. Maybe things would have been different, maybe everyone would be different now? Maybe you would hate him now. Maybe now the pain would be bearable. Maybe he wouldn't walk the streets of that city that had taken everything from him thinking the world had just fallen on his shoulders.

“Bucky, you're not going to find him,” he heard Carol speak to his left side, but his mind erased the memory.

He was alone walking through the city. He couldn't even remember why his white shirt felt sticky against his skin.

Whatever had happened that morning seemed to have been momentarily erased.

Bucky stopped.

What was he doing there?

The sound of morning stress suddenly stunned him. He shifted on his feet to look around, to see how everyone was still moving, how the sun was still shining and the clouds were racing across the sky, seeing how everything was still the same while for him everything had stopped.

“Where is she?” Bucky thought he was asking a voice in his head, a figment of his imagination, but the hand on his shoulder had to be real. It felt real.

-

Bucky didn't say much for much of the morning. You watched him, stoic and lost in thought from time to time, barely shaking his head in acknowledgement when you told him something. He had given no answer to your questions and as much as you wanted to keep asking, as much as you wanted to insist, something in his eyes prevented you from doing so.

So you spent a good part of the day like that, with Bucky at your side, reluctant to let go of your arm, not encouraging you to do anything else. Everything that had happened that day, all your crazy conjectures and theories slowly faded from your head as you relaxed by his side, letting go of the accumulated tiredness you'd felt since the day everything started to change.

And you had several strange dreams, surrounded by destruction, blows that felt strangely real, full of tears and full of suffering.

But one of them stood out from the others.

You were somewhat confused to see Bucky that morning. His mission was supposed to take at least a few more days and you had already made up your mind that you wouldn't see him for a while. Getting used to it was easy though, but you preferred to ignore that reality.

He passed right in front of you, walking as if it was nothing, ignoring your presence completely. Not that you were expecting anything different either. No, of course you weren't. After the way things left off when he left, you didn't expect him to forgive you so soon.

You could barely let out the air you were holding when he disappeared down the hall.

“What's wrong?” you heard Natasha's voice.

You turned around startled. She had planted herself next to you, her uniform dirty and heavily bloodstained.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, it's not mine.” Natasha waved her hand in a nonchalant gesture.

“Why did you guys come back so soon?”

“The track was a dead end. There was nothing there.”

“It was a trap.”

“Yeah,” Natasha sighed, turning her head to see Steve getting off the Quinjet. “She knew we were going. She couldn't wait to see our stupid faces.”

You clicked your tongue. “How come she's always three steps ahead of us?”

“We've been wondering the same thing.”

Natasha had started walking toward the end of the hallway and you were about to follow her until you ran into a familiar face on one side of Steve.

“What's he doing here?”

Natasha didn't answer you, and when you turned to see her she had a tired expression on her face.

“Well since we've been going on so many missions without a good result, the UN panel that controls us is going to start limiting our outings.”

“What? But she's completely unpredictable!”

“I know, believe me we tried to talk to him. They contacted us since we were coming back. They're very adamant, and it's not like we can do much about it.”

Natasha giving up just like that didn't give you much hope. You watched Steve listen to Secretary Ross with his hands on his hips and a droopy expression. He didn't seem to agree much, but he couldn't say no either. Surely more than anyone else he was the one who was having the hardest time with the whole Accords thing.

You wanted to think for a moment that that was the real reason Bucky had ignored you when he arrived and not because of the discussion you two had that was overheard by half the building about three days before. The subject of the Accords was also a hard subject for him, but more than anything else because of the bombing, because of everything that had happened after that. The fight he blamed himself for every chance he got and the concede. They had been able to go far but not far enough. You knew Bucky spent many days thinking about all that.

But hey, besides that news he must still be pretty mad at you. At least that was something you could fix.

“So we're back to waiting,” you finally spoke up turning to look at Natasha. The woman barely twisted her lips in response.

“If they don't think this is a global threat, I don't know what one thing has to happen for them to let us do our job right,” Natasha walked down the hall with you trailing at her heels, a grimace on her face and a frown on her face. “Will it have to cost someone's life for them to notice?”

“Nat,” you furrowed your brow at her words. “We should think this is enough. Something worse could have happened. If Steve hadn't given up after the fight at the airport, where do you think they'd be now? And you? The group would have disbanded. We could have been pushed even harder, but the government and the countries were more condescending.”

“I wish it was enough for me. Thinking like that must bring you peace.”

You ran your tongue in front of your teeth with a disguised grimace. Natasha didn't notice as you watched her red hair and black suit as yoou approached the main hall of the Complex.

“I'm just thinking this way to ease the violent thoughts of you all. You know I didn't want to sign either.”

“But you did,” Natasha paused at the foot of the stairs. You could tell from there that Bucky was talking to Sam and Tony was meeting with Clint.

“It was all going to end very badly if I didn't. You know what they think of me. If I had gone with you and Steve they would have not only wanted to contain me but neutralize me. And you know they would've done it any way they could.”

Natasha's eyes flashed in recognition. You knew what was going through her head because you had been through it once before and it had been a horrible experience that had been burned into the minds of every one of your teammates. Especially Bucky's and yours.

“I wouldn't have let them near you,” she spoke, her voice soft and full of feeling.

“And I wouldn't have let you carry that for me.”

Natasha sketched a half-smile, shaking her head.

“I guess we'd both die trying to keep the other from dying.”

The conversation ended there and soon you were both in the living room near Clint and Tony. You watched them chat about the mission. You noticed the somber expression on Stark's face when Natasha told him that Secretary Ross was talking to Steve. You caught the moment when Clint sighed heavily and moved his hand to turn down the volume on the device in his ear, he did that every time someone mentioned something about the Accords or the Secretary. Sometimes even when someone talked about Germany. Clint was the most evasive of all on that subject.

Sam and Bucky were too far away for you to tell if they were listening the conversation, although considering that the latter had a super serum running through his veins, he probably had super hearing that allowed him to, even if it was against his will.

But despite the distance you could tell that his eyes were on yours. He was resting his elbows on his knees, leaning forward. His expression matched Tony's and you wondered how much it would cost you to get the two of them to sit down and talk about the things that had happened. Within that civil war, they were probably the ones who had had it the worst. But that was almost impossible, they both hated each other almost to death.

You were attracted by his gaze and started walking before you knew it. Sam stood up and gave you a nod of greeting as he passed you. Surely they had already spoken.

Bucky didn't stop looking at you until you took the spot where his friend had been.

“Are you okay?” you asked him, bringing your hand up to his right shoulder. He was too tense.

“Ross doesn't understand anything,” was what he replied, his voice laced with a hateful venom that sent a shiver down your spine.

“I know.”

“He's gonna get us killed. Him and that damn panel.”

“Bucky-”

“Nothing's going to make them understand until a massacre happens and that blood is on their hands.”

“Honey,” you stepped closer to your boyfriend, his body tensing even more, but moving closer to yours as if it were his nature. He straightened up and allowed you to fully embrace his right arm. “I think you can rest easy because you're doing your job and you're doing it well. I know you feel the helplessness, we all go through that. And I would love to tell you that we can change it and do something about it, but I can't. I can only remind you that you've been doing it right and you've been doing everything in your power to make it so. Ross and the panel are going to come to their senses at some point. They're going to understand what we're doing at some point and then we won't have to fight anymore.”

“I think you're the only one on the team who believes that,” Bucky tried to sketch a smile turning his face to look at you.

“Someone has to do it or you're always going to be like cats and dogs.”

“Yeah, you're the one who brings balance to this place,” his beady eyes didn't leave yours. “To me, too.”

You felt a sting behind your eyes and your chest compressed.

“Bucky, I'm sorry-”

“No, leave it.”

“No! It was my fault and I spoke to you too ugly-”

“I already forgave you, Y/N. Don't keep talking.”

“Don't do that. Let me tell you-”

Bucky reached up to plant a kiss on your lips. You reached up to move back a little, but his hand went around your waist and he pulled you tighter against him. He moved his lips over yours as if it had been months since the last time he did it, gentle, taking his time, savoring every second he could. Your hands cradled the sides of his face, kissing him back with the same intensity he gave you.

When he pulled away, you were breathing heavily.

“I said leave it.”

“You're mean.”

He moved closer and gave you another quick peck before settling back in. His eyes didn't leave yours even though your body was beginning to lose the warmth he'd given you. At that moment you thought you could spend your whole life like this and you would be entirely happy.

Apparently Bucky thought the same thing.

“Marry me.”

“What?” you exclaimed, an expression of surprise making its way across your features.

Bucky smiled at your half-open mouth.

“Marry me, Y/N.”

“Bucky…”

“I never wanted to spend the rest of my life with someone as much as I do with you. I can't even remember what it was like to live before you anymore. So, yeah, that's it, marry me.”

It had been at least about two hours and you couldn't stop thinking about it. It felt too real to have been just a dream.

You had woken up in a room all alone. There wasn't a single trace that Bucky had been there with you at any time. For a moment you thought maybe you'd dreamed all that day, but you could still feel the strength of Bucky's arms around your figure. You could still feel his breath in your ear every time he mumbled an apology from the bottom of his heart, not really knowing what he was apologizing to you for.

You felt it as real as that kiss. Like that emotion when in your dream he proposed to you. Maybe it wasn't a dream, you'd been married after all. But how could you remember that now? What had changed?

And that conversation with Natasha…

You heard the bedroom door open and a few seconds later Bucky appeared in front of you. You felt your stomach churn.

“You're awake,” he commented as he approached the bed. He set down a mug of hot liquid on the nightstand before sitting down across from you, and you stood a little while longer watching the smoke billow out. “You must have a lot of questions.”

You turned to look at him. He looked better than the last time you had seen him. Calmer and more serene.

“Go ahead. Ask.”

Even though yes, you did indeed have too many questions, at that moment you went blank. You felt like your heart was going to pound out of your chest with how fast it was beating, so hard it was thundering against your bones. With sweaty hands you tried to arrange your hair in a carefree gesture, but you were sure you had a desperate grimace on your face.

So much had happened in the last few days, and there was even something you still hadn't told Bucky…

Sighing, you decided to let out the first thing that came to mind.

“What are the Accords?”

You noticed Bucky's face process your question, his face contorting in confusion. “The Accords?”

For a moment you thought it wasn't true, and you were giving yourself the nod thinking you'd just had a meaningless dream, until Bucky spoke again.

“Where did you hear about that?”

You frowned. “Is it real?”

“Yes,” Bucky nodded quickly. “The Sokovia Accords. It's a document signed by a large number of countries that allows a United Nations panel to monitor the activities of the Avengers.”

That made sense according to what you remembered from that dream. So it could be true…

“How did you propose to me?”

Bucky frowned even more than the previous time, and you knew that maybe those weren't the questions he was expecting, but you needed to know.

“Uhm,” Bucky took a moment before answering. “I had just returned from a mission where we were ambushed. I was nearly killed. Maybe I had a moment of lucidity, I don't know, all I knew was that I'd never felt so scared about not being able to be with you. So I came in, we talked and I just did it.”

“Did anything happen while you were coming in from the mission, before you made the proposal?”

“Mmm, yeah, something did happen,” Bucky looked more than confused somewhat suspicious. “The Secretary of State is like the spokesman for the panel I mentioned to you. That day coming back from the mission he contacted us to tell us that we would have to start getting out less and plan better plans, long story short. I was very angry. Too angry. And you and I… Well, we had argued before I left so we didn't talk as soon as I got there. But yeah, that happened.”

So it was a memory.

“Y/N? Why are you asking me these things?”

“You told me to ask.”

“Yeah, well,” Bucky pursed his lips. “I didn't expect you to ask me those questions.”

“Why is there a dome around the Complex?”

“Well,” Bucky cleared his throat. “Generally speaking, in the beginning it was to keep the military from intervening in the Complex because… let's just say we did something against the rules of the Accords for a while. Then we decided to keep the dome to prevent him from finding us.”

“Him? Who is he?”

“They call him The…”

For a moment you stopped hearing Bucky, though you could see his mouth was still moving. A high-pitched whistling filled your hearing. It was loud and painful. You moved your hands to the sides of your head to try to isolate yourself from the sound, but you felt it coming from inside you.

“… are you okay? Y/N?”

You could hear him again. That was weird.

“What happened?”

“I don't know,” you moved your jaw to uncover your ears, but in a second it seemed like nothing had happened. “I felt a ringing in my ears, but too loud.”

Bucky arched an eyebrow, scanning your face. You could tell the concern on his face and it compressed your chest.

“I'm fine, what were you saying?”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, go on.”

Bucky hesitated for a few seconds, his eyes still detailing your features as a precaution. Finally he sighed and shook his head in assent.

“Well, the man you most likely saw on television was…”

You lost your hearing again and a second after you saw Bucky's mouth move without a sound, the high-pitched beeping returned. That time it was so loud that you couldn't help but scream even though you couldn't hear anything. You felt Bucky's hands on your forearms as you covered your ears again, but it seemed to increase the beeping and along with it your vision tried to go white. You thought you saw a hand outstretched in front of you.

You were about to lose your mind until you finally found silence again.

You had leaned forward and Bucky had leaned over you.

“Bucky?”

“Y/N? Are you okay?”

You straightened up and he quickly did the same. His eyes desperately searched your face and body for something.

You felt dizzy all of a sudden, and when you reached up to massage your temples that's when you saw the blood.

So did Bucky.

You brought your hands to the sides of your face and it felt wet. For a moment you felt like you were going to throw up.

Bucky took your face in his hands and turned it sideways, looking at the blood that seemed to have come out of your ears. You couldn't look away from your blood-stained hands. For some reason, you felt a strange familiarity in your chest.

“Bucky…” you mumbled without looking up. “What happened? The day of the accident, what the fuck happened?”

“Y/N, are you-”

“Say it,” you raised your head. His frown made you uncomfortable.

“I don't think-”

“Tell me, Bucky.”

It looked like Bucky thought he knew what was going on and didn't want to subject you to it, but you'd seen something and you felt that's where the answer was.

“Say it and don't stop talking.”

Your features were hard, you didn't give a single space for doubt. And Bucky sighed when he realized he couldn't convince you.

“The accident was because of…”

There it was again. Louder and angrier than the previous two times. It seemed to want to berate you for some reason. So much anger was overwhelming. The sound was deafening. The pain was uncontainable. You couldn't help but shout as you felt like you were being ripped in two.

And then, you saw it. A hand stretched out in front of you.

Writhing in pain, you gripped it tightly.

And you opened your mouth to take a big breath of air.

Everything was white around you. To your left, right, above and below. There wasn't a single shadow or a sign that so much brightness was coming from somewhere. The white seemed to stretch on forever when you started walking, because there was no sign of even corners or stairs. It was a simple white plane.

You walked as if that was the solution. As if at some point you were going to come across something that would give you the answer, but there was simply nothing.

And when you finally stopped, you heard it. You recognized it instantly.

What are you doing?

You moved sideways, looking for the source of that voice, but there was no one even miles away. You couldn't see a single speck.

“Who are you?” you exclaimed angrily to no one in particular.

I'd already told you.

“No! Drop the fucking mystery, who the fuck are you?”

Silence followed your question.

“Didn't you want me to trust you? You told me they were the bad guys.”

They are, the voice replied.

“Then prove it. Tell me who you are. Let me trust you.”

There was silence for several seconds, and in between all the emptiness you swore you could go crazy. Fine, and you were already hallucinating things.

But then… footsteps.

You turned suddenly.

There was a man. Very short hair, with a big beard that hid his whole jaw. Dark clothes, a jacket and a baggy jean. He was leaning against something, with his hands inside his jean pockets, even though no matter how hard you looked you never found an object there. He must have been handling what was going on here. His face was barely minimally familiar to you, but not enough to make you suspect him.

“Who are you?”

“You can call me Nathaniel.”

Nathaniel? He didn't sound remotely familiar.

“You were the one who did that thing?”

“What thing, Y/N?”

“The beeping.”

“Ah. I couldn't risk getting your head filled with lies. I told you I'd take care of it.”

“And you had to hurt me in the process?”

“My apologies. It was the only way.”

“Are you seriou? Bringing me here was the only way too?”

You watched the man, Nathaniel, undo his serene expression for the first time to frown at you. He moved to approach you and you couldn't stop your body from shifting away from him.

“Don't you know you're the one doing this? You called me here. This is your invention.”

“What? No. That's impossible. I didn't… I'm not…”

You looked around. It couldn't be you. You didn't even know where you were while Nathaniel could sit comfortably waiting for you. It couldn't be your doing.

“This is your mind, Y/N. Don't you recognize it?”

Miles of emptiness greeted you as you turned to survey the place. That shit was impossible.

“Well, it's missing some memories, sure.”

You frowned and turned to look at him. He seemed to have his hands folded behind his back and he had that calm, almost expressionless face again. He looked like someone who inspired confidence, you didn't doubt that if people looked at him they would surely believe him because that was the aura he had around him. Still… the tightness in your chest wouldn't go away.

“But it's still yours.”

“You can… bring my memories back?” you weren't entirely sure why you asked, it just popped in your head, out of nowhere. It wasn't as crazy as it sounded taking in consideration that he was the beeping in your ears. He definitely could do something. Maybe it was your subconscious.

You noticed when his eyes twinkled as he shook his head. A small smile crept onto his face, as if he'd been waiting for that question.

“Well, I can definitely try.”

You felt a relief sweep through your entire body.

“You're on my side, right?” your cautious side came to the fore.

“Of course, Y/N. I've been trying to help you all this time. It's a little hard, but I've tried.”

“It's hard?”

“Yes, it's just that…” the man, Nathaniel, averted his gaze from yours as if he was thinking about whether or not to continue. When he looked back at you his expression was much softer, more real, “You're too far away. I can't do much like this.”

“And where are you?”

Nathaniel smiled, “Even if I told you, you couldn't look for me. You can't get through the dome.”

You clicked your tongue. You had the chance to finally remember everything in the palm of your hand and you wanted to take it with all your might. Because you had already realized that this man was very powerful and that, in his delusions of helpfulness, he wouldn't let anyone in the group tell you the truth. If he wouldn't even let Bucky do it, he wouldn't let anyone but him do it. And you had a bad feeling, but what else could you do?

“Then you'd have to come to where I am.”

Nathaniel nodded slightly. “Just tell me where you are and I'll come get you.”

“I'm at the Avengers Complex,” you spoke after a sigh. “In Washington.”

The man in front of you sketched a smile, but rather than reassuring you it was more nerve-wracking.

“Ah, you see. I told you you couldn't trust them.”

“What are you talking about?”

Nathaniel resumed walking, his steps getting closer and closer to you.

“You're not at the Complex or anywhere near Washington.”

“What? But…”

“They've got you trapped. They won't let you out. They won't even tell you where you really are.”

You shook your head in denial. What he was saying made no sense. You could literally see the city from the roof of the building. You had even gone out one of those days and toured the city, how was it possible that you weren't in Washington?

Although… You weren't even sure what Washington was really like. You had no memory of that city in your head. You had never seen the city anywhere else. You were just told you were there and assumed that what you saw was that city. But what if it wasn't?

“Find out where you are, Y/N,” Nathaniel spoke again while you were still lost in your head. Almost at the same time, the ground began to shake. “Figure it out and come back and tell me where I can find you and get you out of there.”

The ground shook vehemently, but the man in front of you didn't look as scared as you did. He still had that calm expression, his hands in his pockets and his head cocked to one side. He was looking at you as if he longed for something from you.

You no longer had the slightest idea what was going on.

And then you heard other footsteps approaching fast.

“Y/N!”

You recognized her instantly, but instead of being reassured, you were frightened.

You turned around to find Wanda Maximoff trying to get closer to where you were, running through the white debris falling from somewhere above.

“They're going to try to get you away from me,” Nathaniel spoke, and you moved to look back at him.

“Get away from him!” Wanda exclaimed.

“They don't want you to know the truth. Even if you think they're going to tell you the truth, they're not. It's a lie. It's always been a lie.”

“Y/N!”

“They didn't even tell you where you really are.”

“Shut the fuck up! Y/N, don't listen to him!”

“They've been keeping things from you for a year. They didn't even want to tell you that you have powers.”

“Don't listen to him!”

“If you hadn't brought it up to Bucky Barnes, he never would have told you.”

The way his name came out of his mouth was disgusting. You never wanted him to mention his name ever again.

“Think about that,” Nathaniel finished and watched beside you as the woman kept running trying to dodge the falling debris for some reason; mind you, it wasn't falling where you were, just where she was stepping. “Goodbye, Wanda, see you soon.”

When you turned around, the man was gone, and when you turned around again, Wanda crashed into you with a thud.

You opened your mouth to take a breath of air. You felt your body heavy. The first thing your eyes registered was color. You were no longer on that white plane, in your mind, you were back in the room.

But you were not alone.

Sound came slowly to your hearing, as you could barely differentiate between the faces that peered out to see you. You stopped when you found Wanda's reddish hair right in front of you. The hands at your temples must have been hers. It must have been the same as last time.

You sat up with a jolt and didn't disown, though you felt a whiplash of pain run from your back to your feet. You looked back at the woman who had gotten into your head sitting across from you. Your head had been in her lap. She looked as tired as you.

“Nothing he said is true,” was the first thing Wanda said, holding up her hands as if her sound of peace meant something to you.

“He?” you heard Bucky's voice, and that was the only thing that made you tear your gaze away from Wanda's clear eyes. “Who are you talking about?”

When you found Bucky, you clutched at his hands.

“Y/N,” Wanda spoke again. “What he said isn't true. He's a manipulator. He'll do anything to get you on his side, but you can't believe him.”

“So I'm supposed to believe you guys?” you almost spat the words out, an overwhelming fury roaring deep in your chest. You squeezed Bucky's hands as you turned to look at him. “Bucky, where are we?”

“Y/N, no,” Wanda interfered, but that only unleashed your fury.

“Shut up!” you raised your hand in her direction and the woman moved back a considerable distance on the ground, as if she had been pulled. You looked back at Bucky. “Tell me, where are we?”

Bucky was looking away, most likely to where Wanda was, but you didn't have time for that. You moved your hands to cradle Bucky's face and bring his eyes back to yours. That position brought back the memories of your dream and you felt a sharp pain in your head when that happened.

The moment Bucky turned to look at you, you felt as if a sword had cut you in two. An electrifying light and a bunch of scenarios where you had taken in Bucky's face in the same way.

“Y/N?”

You blinked rapidly, pushing those memories out of your mind. It seemed that every time an image of those appeared in your mind it was accompanied by excruciating pain.

“Answer me, please.”

“We're at the Complex, Y/N. In Washington,” Bucky replied and you felt his words were dirty.

“No,” you frowned and your hands over his face took on strength. “Where are we really?”

“Y/N,” Bucky looked confused, and for a moment you thought he had been lied too, until he moved his eyes to look behind you and without turning you knew who was there.

“Look at me,” you commanded between your teeth and his clear eyes focused solely on yours. “Tell me where we are.”

Bucky began to shake his head and reluctantly closed his eyes tightly. It seemed that simple question caused him physical pain.

“I-I can't. I can't tell you, Y/N.”

“Bucky, stop it. Don't talk.”

The order came from Carol Danvers, and you hated the way the man's face contracted as he heard it. You didn't want him to listen to her.

You wanted to turn to see her, you wanted to tell her that it wasn't her place to order him such things, that she was no one to talk to him like that. But Bucky's hands cupped your face before you could see her in your peripheral vision. His pleading eyes melted your heart and again you felt the pain shatter your head.

A hundred more scenarios where Bucky had looked at you that way.

“Y/N, relax, okay? We're going to talk, but I want you to calm down first, okay?”

You took a deep breath, trying to push through the pain, and nodded in his direction.

“Okay, all right, breathe with me.”

You noticed his chest inflate as he inhaled and mimicked his action. Also when he exhaled. And then again and again and again. Until you felt a little more serene and Bucky's eyes looked warmer.

Maybe it was what had happened with that man in your head, because of the stress you'd felt and the hopelessness when you woke up and felt for a moment that everyone was against you, but suddenly you felt so tired that you just laid your head on Bucky's shoulder and closed your eyes.

--

a/n: thank u so much for reading 💜

Taglist: @cjand10 @yallgotkik @ruffdog921 @coracal @its-just-kayy @pono-pura-vida @vampiresarezombies @kaz11283 @vicmc624 @calwitch

[sinteez]

Part 2 - Seonghwa x Reader

Part 2

Seonghwas pov:

Just another normal day for seonghwa as he just swims around the whole kingdom trying to find ways to go up to shore but he always got caught by his fathers guards and right now hes currently on the way back to his father with the guards swimming behind him.

Guard 1: “ sir we found your son trying to get to shore again.”

Guard 2: “ we brought him too you so you can punish him.”

Seonghwas father arose from his throne and sighed dissapointedly “ son you know not to go to the shore” seonghwas father said to seonghwa with the hit of boredom in his voice as he was used to this every single day. “But father this isnt fair i deserve my freedom out of the kingdom too not just here!” seonghwa replied annoyed that he has no freedom outside of the kingdom but this was the final straw for his father as his father hit his trident down on the floor making a big bang. I will not have what happened to your mother also happen to you!” seonghwas father screamed louly making seonghwa look at him rolling his eyes “you say this every time father and im tired of this im tired of this kingdom and im also tired of you repeating yourself!” seonghwa shouted as he swam away quickly too quick for even the two guards to  capture him

As seonghwa swam to the surface he jumped out of the water changing into his human form with a big smile and taking in the air. Seonghwa loved being above the surface somehow it felt like he was at home but seonghwas smile immediately dropped as he heard a yell, looking over seonghwa noticed that the person that saw him was infact a hunter with all of the gear that he had so seonghwa got up right away and ran so fast until he saw a cabin with the doors slightly opened so he ran into there and looked behind him checking that the person didnt follow. Suddenly seonghwa felt a tap pn his shoulders making him gasp and turn around looking at a cute girl staring at him making him chuckle deeply “hey” seonghwa said to the girl infront of him. 

y/n pov:

You listened to the mans voice infront of you soon snapping out of your trance and now glaring at the man “ who the hell are you and what are you doing in my bedroom” you asked him sternly raising a brow at the man making seonghwa sigh and look behind him and at you again “well… i was getting chased by someone and i ran here because … well it looked safe” seonghwa said puffing out  his cheeks a little. You walked towards him trying to get a better look at the stranger in your room, you gasped as the gills shining under the light of the moon, you knew this was bound to be bad news but something inside you was screaming to help him. You knew this was something that was going to cause more grief than you wished for but the look on his face showed you something different, he seemed truly scared. “Youve been running away for too long havent you?” you questioned, your arm grazing over his and guiding him to sit on the chair by the balcony door. “I know we just met, but it seems we have something in common, you want to live a normal life, safely.. And i want out of this hunter life” you explained hoping not to scare him away. “I am just tired, I understand.. I have always been hunted, it seems your folks have got it out for us” Seonghwa explained to you.  “Yeah i could say the same for you, your kind killed my mother” you said sending a snarl his way.

“My kind, you think i really want this life, if that was the case youd be dead right now.”he spat at you, venom lacing on his tongue.

“You couldnt hurt a fly could you? You havent got the guts to do it” Seonghwa said.

“Want to bet, this could end badly you know right, i have blood on my hands already i wouldnt mind adding some more” you spat. “Oh sorry it seems we dont even know each others name, id like to know who im about to add to my list before ending their life” you spoke, a little break in your voice as you watched his face contorted in fear. His whole body stiffening as he watched the anger spill from your body.

“S-Seonghwa” he shakily said getting up slowly and walking towards the door. “I-im sorry” he spoke before standing out on the balcony looking at the horizon. You felt your heartbreak as he spoke, following him outside you rested your hand on his back. “No im the one that should apologise, how about we restart” you spoke holding out your hand and smiling at him. “Im y/n” you said shaking his hand and looking out at the view.

“Its beautiful isnt it” you spoke your mind travelling along the horizon as you both looked out. “I wish sometimes i could swap places, it would be nice to just have a life where i could wash away the sins that i have caused, i never meant to hurt anyone seonghwa” you spoke letting a tear fall down your cheek. You had never spoken so openly about your struggles before but something about his aura gave you comfort, you let yourself open up like a faucet, all your years of pent up emotions now flooding to the surface. - TO BE CONTINUED -

[salarta]

hi hi!

is it just me or have i just grown bored of the new x-men 97 show? its just the same all over again with the 90s cartoon, just a few elements changed and ANNOYING cameos. like ffs these cameos are such beloved characters and they sideline them so much.

im a huge polaris fan and the injustice she gets done in TV is just idk-

i dont want lorna to be treated as a side character anymore, she deserves to be a main character for once, especially in the mcu. Its so hard finding people out there who like lorna. they always ask "who is that?“ "oh is that the green wanda?“ or something like that.

in wolverine and the x-men she was just potrayed as this naive little girl. and just deserved so much more screentime.

currently just disliking how they choose to ignore lorna as if she isnt a big part of magnetos story.

Thats all, i would love to hear your thoughts on this <33

I'm responding to your inbox as I read it, so I might say something and then find out you talked about it or it doesn't apply when I get to the next part.

Honestly, I have enough experience now with Marvelthink (since 2009) that I know when they're hyping up a 90s connection like this, it means it's going to be mired in too much nostalgia. So I didn't plan on watching X-Men 97 even before it was announced. That doesn't mean they couldn't have swayed me to change my mind and watch it - I originally avoided Wolverine and the X-Men for overemphasizing Wolverine but came around to it because of good work for Lorna - but I expected bad things and they've proven me right so far.

Lorna's in a better position overall today than she was when I found out about her. It might not seem like it, but more people do know she exists. And before Wanda became more popular and gained more awareness, the more common derogatory comparison was "Magneto with boobs."

I was alright with WatXM. Mainly because a) it was an AU version of her that was younger (I think even younger than when she was introduced in the comics), and b) it hit on the most important character moments and developments for her. She was part of Genosha, she's a survivor of the genocide, she's also Magneto's daughter alongside the twins, etc. I feel she would've had really good development in the seasons to follow if they had happened.

Comparing that to X-Men 97, which is so obsessed with nostalgia and regressive attitudes (even while claiming the mantle of progressive) that they refuse to respect Lorna's character and development beyond that framework. Beau DeMayo and his people on the show made it very clear that they see Lorna primarily as a supporting character for Havok on X-Factor. Which is quite frankly also mired in sexism even if they tell themselves they can't be sexist, "I treated this other female character well so I can't be sexist," etc.

Another person I chatted with elsewhere mentioned that since Beau DeMayo was fired before the cartoon started airing, maybe the new showrunner will fix the damage Beau did and do things right. It's a possibility, but I only see it really working out if the cartoon acknowledges Lorna as a survivor of the Genoshan genocide by middle of season 2 AND gives that story a lot more space than it would've had if they had simply acknowledged it in season 1. My comparison point is Barb from Stranger Things. The Stranger Things showrunners didn't realize how much people would care about Barb, and committed to giving her more respect in the second season.

Overall, I think X-Men 97 is run by people who have their heads stuck in the past, willing to exploit newer material like the Genoshan genocide to get more buzz but not actually respect its weight and dimensions in any truly substantial way.

Which, on that note, another common thing people often say to try to defend shit like what X-Men 97 pulled is to tell themselves and others that what was done in that depiction is the best it could've been done. The reality in cases like this is it could've been done a hell of a lot better, but being an uncritical fan puts blinders on a person. Don't wanna end up in a position where they have to critically think about the content beyond absorbing and loving it, don't have to understand why other people would have a problem with how things were done.

I think that's all I've got for now. Hopefully the new showrunner doesn't suck ass like Beau, and hopefully the MCU cares more about quality and care where Lorna can come into it than about feeding nostalgia boners of people who don't want to move past where their heads were at 30 years ago.

[wawawawawawawawawawawawawa]

out of interest, how do you think izaya developed aspd and npd? i know that pds typically develop as a result of trauma so i suppose his parents always being absent would be a factor but id also like to hear your thoughts on it. love the aspd izaya headcanon btw

first off, thank u!

and secondly, his parents being absent would definetley be a factor. i read somewhere that its actually children whove been neglected that are more likely to develop aspd rather than children who are abused, because the complete LACK of stimului contributes to aspd more than bad stimuli does. take this with a grain of salt though because my source is "i saw it somewhere" and im 90% sure that place was NOT a study so it might be wrong

but either way, both pds are known to be caused by trauma and both have a genetic component to them. the genetic component isnt SUPER well known, but it IS known that there's a hereditery component here

so honestly? i think izaya was born with antisocial tendencies. NOT aspd, i must stress- at a very young age, if he was given adequate support and treatment, they could've stayed tendeicies and he wouldn't have developed fullblown aspd. he couldve turned out like one of those guys with a bit of a skewed morality system but is otherwise mentally healthy enough to participate in society without wanting to kill himself or others. quirks over disorder

but from pretty much every account i can think of, izaya was ALWAYS an odd child, to the point where it was his father that instilled a love of humanity into him

When he was younger, I saw he was distant from others, and that made me worried. And so I wanted him to come to like humans and become a man who could strongly love people twice as others would. (source)

of course this isnt exactly very detailed wrt izayas behavior, but if its enough that his absent father noticed, it mustve been pretty serious

so wrt his aspd, i think he was born with those kinds of tendencies, which were then exasperated by the neglect and ergo got worse and worse over the years, culminating in high school with his friendship with shinra, blackmailimg of nakura, and his beginning to poke his nose in the underground

his npd is a bit trickier

so, the way i personally developed npd is that my mom would seem to have two perceptions of me in her head, depending on wether or not i was following the Good Perception or not. the first me, the good one, was intelligent, kind, and filled with potential. the other one was a stupid lazy monster. i was the good one, up until i did anything she didnt like, then i was the bad one. these two ideas getting fed into me led to me clinging onto the Good Perception as how i really was, and if something even for a second made me slip, i'd crash down from total egoism to total repulsion. And It Sucked!

(disclaimer: do not armchair diagnose my mother. i have my theories but they will stay private and i absolutely do not want a STRANGER butting into this, especially when they could know less abt mental illness than me and thus spread misinformation)

now, i dont think izaya's parents were like my mom- but there was still a dichotomy at play here. he would go to school, where he would be a smart student and praised by his teachers, even if he kept to himself. then, he'd go home, and be alone. as he got older, it only got worse- humans are social creatures, and we don't take well to being lonely. the mind starts to cope with it however it can.

as izaya started to venture deeper into the underground, he couldve started to develop a superiority complex about it. see, look- he's smarter than everyone. better than everyone. that's why he's alone, its because he's too good to be around them. not because he's worse. he's better.

because, especially once he gets to high school age... izaya is smart. izaya is perceptive. izaya would be able to tell that there's something different about him, and that's why people avoid him and he avoids them. there's something wrong with him in a way that's repulsive and unpalatable to most. that'd wreck a kid's self-image, especially a neglected kid's, since he'd already have low self-image from, yk, the neglect

and the dichitomy of the low and high self-image makes him develop npd- the ego masks the low self esteem, but both are equally felt and true, its not like his egoism and god complex are fake- it's all very real, he feels it all and believes it genuinely, and he clings onto it because if he slips, he KNOWS where he's gonna plummet

anyway thats just my take on it!! "it was his childhood" is prolly a boring answer but honestly a lot of mental illness has that answer at the root of it. art imitates life and all

[cenviswasteland]

okay from best to worst top three! klapollo krisnix wrightworth go!! with explanations duh - 💾

oh guess what i just found in the bottom of my drafts. sorry floppy disk you asked me this in march and now its almost june. my bad pestie

anyway i would LOVE to. im gonna cut the post here because it ended up getting pretty damn long and i wanna save the mobile users some pain

[[[hey welcome back thanks for clicking a button]]]

a little preface first: i don't think any of them are the "worst". im a multiship freak and i think all three of these are best and worst in their own way. id love more info on what you MEAN by "best to worst" because that's so very vague. do you mean in terms of relationship dynamic? do you mean in terms of personal perception? do you mean how much i like them?? since i have no idea what exactly youre asking me here, im just gonna shove a whole bunch of headcanons in your face and hope for the best. xoxo follow me

3rd place - Wrightworth / Narumitsu

the iconic, original gangster, blah blah blah. forever cute. theyre just kind of a little bland to me. like i feel as tho we've explored basically everything there is to explore in wrightworth with the exception of the seven year gap? eh maybe thats a terrible take who knows. theyre still lovely tho i love the seemingly constant stream of gayass lawyers on my feed. everybody loves narumitsu!

2nd place - Klapollo

i really don't have much to say about klapollo either. theyre cute as hell and they definitely have a lot more to ponder on (considering that the only game we really get klavier in is AA4 [no DD doesnt count klavs ass got fucking Visited and he was written so poorly thats NOT my klavier gavin]). and generally speaking im an AA4 fiend its my favorite game in the entire series and so im biased. also, another pretty constant stream of gay lawyer content. shout out to hyundere who made like constant beautiful klapollo content until the One Piece happened lol [im a one piece enjoyer too dont come for me this is not criticism]

1st place - Krisnix

my GOD krisnix. theres a lot of things that go into me enjoying krisnix, but the biggest one is the fact that they have the fucking wackiest, least defined relationship in all of AA4. (also, another AA4 exclusive lol). with the 7yg in play, theres so much room to play around. and most of krisnix really exists in their questions and the vagueness of their relationship. theres like a billion things to ask. how does this relationship develop? how did they meet? what were they like for seven years? what led up to phoenix suspecting kristoph in, yknow, the Everything that happened in AA4? what kind of relationship did they even have? were they "friends" that just happened to pull each other into their gravity? were they holding hands and cuddling every night? were they practically strangers until one of them needed to "blow off steam"?

and not to mention these people are both private/secretive as HELL (phoenix is probably the cagiest man ive ever seen ever. and kristoph, aside from being a man with a fucking army of skeletons in his closet, gets an unfortunately small amount of screentime in the game and not a lot of time to get into the meat of his character/backstory [see: black psyche-locks]). that adds another layer. they certainly dont talk about each other. so how did... All Of This happen?

SO. MANY. QUESTIONS. and in general i like my ships a little more "toxic". and i mean. if you know ANYTHING about AA4, krisnix is pretty mutually toxic. i could totally make another post tearing into the inner guts of their dynamic and relationship-- hell, i could probably make FIVE.

moral of the story: krisnix forever. poggies.

anyway yeah i hope this uh. answered all your questions? how the hell do you end a tumblr post

[narcissisticpdcultureis]

hi im anon from (734828727660412928/npd-culture-is-deciding-to-give-up-on-friendships?source=share) (hopefully that link works, I don't use tumblr often so I'm not sure how to go about following up asks on anon). just came back to read this blog during a really bad crash im having right now because it cheers me up to know im not alone in having symptoms of this disorder and saw my ask got posted...

(update on friend situation) just today they said in the group chat theyre all drawing gift art for each other and other friends... i'm still waiting on the paid art from them but they're doing art trades and stuff for free so i feel kind of like trash. im a bit of a bleeding heart though so im gonna give them like one more month before telling them not to bother finishing the art for me... id love my money back because it did cost a LOT of money but i dont want to be a dick so im just going to express my disappointment by telling them not to worry about the commission at all. i want to feel like i have some right to be mad in this situation but im very soft hearted and dont really have any other friends so if i lost these friends id have literally nobody else in my life :( and that kinda feels like hell for me to think about... i feel like im being treated like dirt but im still going to go christmas shopping for them.............. even if i feel like shit, i feel shittier if i dont get people gifts and stuff because i just think to myself, like, "i feel like crap if nobody buys me shit for holidays or my fucking own birthday and i dont want other people to feel that way".....

also im feeling a little sad because whenever my friends talk about their friends they dont even refer to me by name theyll go "[friend a name], [friend b name] and oomfie are in our server" or something. im not even a name to them... i feel like the last kid picked on a team but not even the last pick. like have you guys ever been on a sports team and you kinda got awkwardly waved over to one of the teams because nobody even wanted to pick you? yeah.

i wonder if im just really dense and need to pick up on hints that people dont even want to be around me. i even tried to post this video game i started working on lately because i thought it was really interesting and cool and i put my soul into it but everyone just ignored it in the group chat.

i think the social outcast route is probably my best bet at this rate, i think. im going to be pretty fucking depressed about limiting my social interactions but i think the depression from isolation isnt as bad as getting constant narc crashes from people not putting even a tiny bit of energy into friendships. like.. i honestly am not asking for very much. i get fucking narc highs if someone uses my fucking name in a conversation. i get highs from literally the bare minimum fucking interaction of anything directed in my direction im so desperate....

i wasnt going to write up a follow up ask but i just wanted to say thanks to this blog for existing and making me feel like im not completely alone and thanks for the nice comments in the reblogs and tags, it cheered me up. you guys are really nice to me and i'm a complete stranger to you all, it makes me feel like theres some hope for nice people existing out there. im just a little too tired to carry on. thank you all, i hope you have a really good day. keep on surviving out there, it's not a kind world to any of us, and it's tough to stay alive at all.

(apologies for another vent but thanks for posting my asks <3 i wish you all the best and nice days to come. also sorry this isnt in the npd culture format, but i just rly wanted to say thank you for the support on the other ask)

sending hugs (with consent) nonny 🫂 i'm so sorry honestly you deserve way better than how your friends are treating you :( i hope at some point you can talk to them about how they're making you feel and improve the situation because it sounds like you deserve better

[smilepilled]

⠀

hi. important / significant post for this blog today, very wordy but also very heartfelt. mainly targeted for the 400 milestone + things ive been wanting to say. hopefully the wording isn't too wonky? ❤️‍🩹

thanks if you stop by. might edit this later to make it "less fancy", if it ends up bothering me — dividers and decoration are mainly for organizing it and making it feel like the blog's thing. either way...

⠀

⠀

⠀

hi, smilepilled/"bug" here (please just call me marcyie); this post will be about things id like to communicate directly to whoever sees it, and something regarding the blog (especially considering the 400 follower milestone). its mainly due to: (1) not wanting people to see me as some cool huge figure and instead just see me as a silly user having fun in my zone, AKA wanting to me treated like just any other random blog; and (2) communicating about intentions regarding people & situations.

⠀

to start off: im not particularly joyous or happy with having ~400 followers or otherwise being "popular"/"known", because im straight up just some old (soon-to-be-legal) teenager who looks at pretty stuff on tumblr autistically. hence why im not planning on commemorating — however, please do know youre all very dear to me! i am very thankful for all the people i've met here ♡ i am a moot-focused account, i follow anyone that follows me, and you're all very much oomphed up in case you followed me.

⠀

i would prefer to avoid any parasocial images from my person, or anything similar like that, so please just keep in mind: im just some random person online! im friendly and all, but please know im not and i dont want to be some "cool tumblr user", im a stranger online that is friendly but most people dont know much about; im just marcyie, the friendly tumblr neighborhood bugthing, treat me as such. i am keen on having understanding and nice interactions with people, but i am not some influencer or whatever. ^_^;

⠀

ADDITIONALLY, a reminder that i personally will always be glad to solve any troubles thru personal "1-on-1" conversation over fights. if u gotta, send me a message and i'll get to it with u! seroously. even if ur fresh from some tense situation with me involved. if u demonstrate willingness to make peace im gonna be just as hearty. i heavily dislike being seen as some unstoppable force or hazard or whatever else — or worse, an opp. :'D i actively go out of my way to NOT be an opp to people, and even if i make mistakes, the intention is very much there, severely so. i really think often about making amends with people who i've had problems with, but since i am unaware of how to do that in a "socially acceptable way", i end up not doing it out of fear of making anything worse. its quite annoying for me, paradoxical as well.

⠀

while i do have very complicated feelings towards a few people who've been in a headache of a situation (indefinite times, and indefinite amounts of people) with me being involved, id like to affirm that the greatest one is that of wanting to just make peace with whatever and whoever i've affected. im aware i say a lot of dumb things in the dumbest ways, and usually its interpreted in the worst possible way — something im painfully aware of, because i am not a english speaker mainly and i have deep problems with communicating what i feel/think with words. i mess up, i jumble up wording, and thats ultimately okay — if i make mistakes, its usually trying to do something good (or something bad towards someone bad, like a racist person, or something similar. which isnt great either!). im glad to be asked apologies of whenever, because most of the time i just end up not realizing that what i say was innapropriate or hurtful, hence creating a lot of the conflicts existing between me & others.

⠀

i can apologize roght now, naturally in a shallower "blanket" way, for things ive said. because i am sorry: and i hope i can be forgiven, but most of all i really just want people to realize that my mistakes are learning experiences, and not things im proud of. im working on a lot, and while im aware some people will just not have the wellbeing or otherwise patience to deal with my erratic behavior, i do ask to be humanized as i often do with others in my head — i am constantly defending people in my head, and while i shouldnt do that for some, i still am hellbent on trying to be humane to others.

⠀

⠀

either way, that's all. having 400 followers was very sudden, and as much as i'm thankful, i humbly ask to be treated normally — please do not view me as some cool tumblr blog, big wowzer, a fan-having awesomest, and moreso a seventeen year old autism unit in their corner of the internet where they hype stuff (and people) up. genuinely just a silly blog for me, im not focused on follower counts or influencing or anything — very much the contrary, this is my corner of the internet, for me, not for others. and im glad to meet a lot of people, but i really wont hesitate to archive this and start a new blog entirely for my sake (and others').

⠀

have a lovely day. please remember to eat and drink water, and take breaks! my activity has grown a little lower, and i plan to continue focusing mainly on my real life situations over online stuff. please have a moment to be kind to yourselves, and remember to keep love in your hearts! 💜🩷🤍💛🧡❤️

⠀

⠀

TL;DR — please dont "be my fan", be my moot. treat me as some random friendly teenager acquaintance, and not a figure online. also, please remember i make mistakes while aiming to be good & do good; i like people and circles with them, and communicating in general isnt my forté, but i still try my best to be nice and do things properly. i'm more than glad to solve anything with people that needs solving, but since i can often make things worse by caring too much or trying too hard, i'll just leave this note here. thank you for four hundred moots, but please, keep me as a moot and not as a "woawza tumblr user", Please. ❤️‍🩹

⠀

[pammei]

Our moms?!

Rindou Haitani x reader (chatfic) 

Chapter 1-3 from Our moms by pammeiwammei (me) on Wattpad

❥@Rindog has followed you.

'Rindou? Followed me?' I glare at my phone deciding if i should call hina or not. "Y/n, done with homework?" "Yes mom" She looks around "Oh by the way you know my new friend Sara? Well I met one of her sons and he goes to your school so I gave him your instagram."

Oh shit.

"Mom, why would you give my instagram to a stranger?!" I yelled at her thinking about what I'm gonna do in school tomorrow.

She looked at me with disappointment "Y/n watch your tone, and there's no harm in making new friends, is this about not wanting to be friends with guys?"

There she goes jumping into conclusions again. "No mom it's just he's not the nicest in my school okay?"

She just nodded and left

☕︎Instagram dms☕︎

❥Rindog: Yo y/n, seen ya around school but never talked to ya

❥Y/n_l/n: Um yeah.. Nice to meet you ig?

❥Rindog: No need to be so awkward i know imma lil intimating but i dont hurt girls

❥Y/n_l/n: Oh my bad for assuming

❥Rindog: all good👍

7:04 seen

❥@Randog has followed you.

'Oh shit, ran too?'

♡@Y/n_l/n has been added to group chat 'bros'♡

❥@Randog: Hey y/n its nice to meet ya ;)

❥@Y/n_l/n: Uh hi? Why was i added?

❥@Rindog: Ran wanted to meet ya Sorz for not askin before adding ya

'Why do they type like that tf'

❥@Randog: Its okay broski they shouldn't be offended over this LMAO

'Broski? BYE THE RED FLAGS'

❥@Y/n_l/n: Sorry my moms calling i gtg byebye.

❥@Rindog: See bro ya scared them away

☕︎Instagram dms☕︎

❥@Rindog: Hey sorry for ran he doesnt know how to talk to girls 4:28 seen Yo im real sorry if we offended ya 5:13 seen

❣︎ Meanwhile on the call with Hina and Emma:

"Why are they so desperate HELP" both I and Hina laugh at Emma's comment on the brothers.

"I don't know man but this whole thing is very suspicious, like how they keep dming me," I say as I try to clean my room "I mean it's funny how thirsty the popular guys are."

"Y/n, Sara just called and told me you've been ignoring her son." mom informs me as I try to hold my laugh

as soon as my mom left my room I look at the screen to see Emma and Hina looking like the skull emoji, then we all laughed so fucking hard I started choking.

"THEY-- REALlY TOLD THEIR- MOM PFFTTT." Emma said as we all started choking and snorting.

❣︎

@Y/n_l/n has added @drakens_bae4life, @Hina_Hanagaki to group chat 'bros'

❥@Randog: who the hell?

❥@drakens_bae4life: really? randog? 💀

❥@Randog: stfu

❥@Hina_Hanagaki: can yall not fight? 😕

❥@Randog can you shut up? 🥺

❥@Rindog: ran shut up for a second

❥@Randog: you a simp? │ ↳ ❥@Rindog: bro 💀  im just being nice bruh chill

♥︎@Randog is typing♥︎ ♡@Randog was kicked♡ ♡@drakens_bae4life was kicked♡ ♡@Hina_Hanagaki was kicked♡

❥@Rindog: y/n i understand that ran is an asshole sometimes hes just a lil messed in the head ya know? dont take the things he says to heart, he probs doesnt mean them just dont argue with him like if things go too far he might hurt you or your friends physically so just bear with him alr?

❥@Y/n_l/n: wow that kinda really nice of you to say thanks ill try but i am a little bit sensitive:(

❥@Rindog: completely understandable if anything he says or does bothers you just dm me ill deal with it Y/n reacted with a '❤︎' 5:48 seen

❣︎

"Y/n you're really quiet what's happening?" Hina asks,

"Rin's actually kinda nice.." I say awkwardly knowing it's gonna surprise them.

"who the fuck are you because you're not Y/n," Emma replied.

" Y/n, ARE YOU BLUSHING? GOODBYE GET SOME REST YOU NEED IT." Emma said and soon after left Hina also left not long after.

❥@Rindog: [link to a server]

❥@Y/n_l/n: sorryz i dont use discord 😋

❥@Rindog: want me to make ya an account?

❥@Y/n_l/n: forsure go ahead

❥@Rindog: user: bald ran#6969 password:ilovecatssm36

❥@Y/n_l/n: you like cats? nice

❥@Rindog: i mean sure but i just picked a random pass

❥@Y/n_l/n: logging in now ❤︎Read 10:19❤︎ As you log in you notice the two people in your friends list 'rindog#6969' and 'randawg#0690'. wow they really need new usernames.

☕︎Discord dms☕︎

❥Rindog: yo :wavingpenis:

❥bald ran: woah hi :catcrying: wait do i have the nitro thing or something?

❥Rindog: yeah thought ya might like it

❥bald ran: stop you didnt have tooooooo im gonna have to pay you back☹️

❥Rindog: NONO dont worry consider it a gift :)

☕︎Instagram groupchat: two married and one single person☕︎

❥@Y/n_l/n: EMMMA HINNAAAAAAAAAAJAJAHSHWHAHAU MEOWWQWWWWWWWWW

(Pretend you see the emotes.)MEOW RAWR MEOWMEOW

❥Hina: OH MY @EMMA LOOK ❥Emma: what? WHAT THE FUCK Y/N Y/N Y/N Y/N REPLY RIGHT FUCKING NOW

❥Y/n: meow 🤭

❥Emma: y/n

❥Y/n: what

❥Emma: you downloaded discord for him? i thought you were over that app after your e dating phase🤨

❥Y/n: BUT HE MADE ME AN ACCOUNT I COULDNT SAY NO

❥Hina: also tell that ran bitch to go eat dick he was suck a dick to me last time😢

❥Y/n: yeah forsure hina

❥Emma: downloading discord rn i was talking to mikey about what happened and he said theres a toman server. drakens there

❥Hina: INVITE ME TOO

☕︎Discord dms: Randawg#0690☕︎

❥bald ran: eat dick (from my friend you argued with last time)

❥randawg: bitch what send addy rn pussyio

❥bald ran youre not scaring anyone LMAO

❥randawg: jeez ok😢

"Y/n Sara just called, im disappointed why would you ever be mean to my friends son?" aint no way "💀"

☕︎Discord dms: Rindog#6969☕︎

❥bald ran: can you and your brother stop telling your mom that im being mean to you guys, i cant play roblox for a week now

❥Rindog: ran did that?🤭

❥bald ran: yes

❥Rindog: brb beating him up

❥bald ran: alright cya goodnight:)

❥Rindog: oh youre sleeping already? goodnight:) ❤︎Reacted with ♡❤︎

[risoria]

Dont know if that helps but there are people like me who use social media to unwind, and specifically filter out political content (i do this on tumblr in particular) because i engage in political work in my every day life. Tumblr is my stupid place to recharge. Insta is mixed. Some apps have specific purposes for me. Some of them help me stay informed but they also bring me down. People not engaging with content that they didnt follow the person for doesnt mean they dont care, if that helps. And some people are engaged in other struggles, and might not have the capacities to deal with stuff in other countries, especially if their country is not involved at all. There are many ongoing genocides and wars, meanwhile europe is shifting to the right significantly. Lots of work. Some people pick their battles. And many battles don't happen online.

thank you for your input, i value these conversations! for me personally, unfortunately they don't really help - im sorry, it's not your fault its just that we have different perspectives!

i’m the exact opposite because my previous work DID mentally destroy me completely because… no one really cared - about the suffering, and how abysmal the legislations and the actual realities were (the context is animal cruelty in the food industry but thats not the point, this goes for all politics because….. everything is politics!) - and coming to social media to unwind does help for a little WHILE, but at the end of the day i have to talk about the things weighing on me just to hear that i am not going crazy because other people feel them too… and those conversations with my small social circle and with strangers etc are more important in the long run, both for me and for our communities as a whole. You are absolutely right though that if we're being absolutely honest there are TOO many battles for any one individual to fight - so its a good thing that people do choose the ones they know the most about and that are closest to their heart. But it's also true and inescapable that people also use this as an excuse, "there's too many bad things :c" just to keep up the status quo.

I know this is different from your experience ofc! It was very kind of you to answer my ramblings btw - dont worry, i am fine now (the projects help a lot!), i’m just musing on the ironic fact that i personally dont want to post about insignificant things on my social media anymore simply because it’s too hard when they get engagement and the important posts do not. Again, i absolutely know this doesnt mean people don’t care, and sometimes people just miss posts - and also like you said, some people do their activism etc offline.

however… i’m sure you have also had the misfortune of trying to talk to anti-boycotters or rightwing politicians etc on for example twitter and thus know that shitty people exist everywhere and hearing mockery and dismissal Constantly is taxing for everyone. so when people ""choose to ignore"" things you cant actually tell if theyre just.... staying silent for whatever reason on their soc med (which is… one hell of a choice :))) and its not the right one. objectively) or if they actually don’t care at all - because how Can you know when people choose to stay silent through nine months of this?

also this is just a tangent, but there's also the fact that yes some people just do in fact simply not see the same posts on their timeline, but at the end of the day we all curate our own timelines and its Very free to look up the specific blogs you want to follow that raises awareness etc! again, this is with the assumption that you aren't an activist / work with politics or charities offline ofc, because not that many people do - i don't, for example, but my goal and dream is to start doing it but... i have to piece my brain back together first...

[purple-plum-petals]

OK I SAW THAT U HAD MATCHUPS OPEN I CAME RUNNING

ALSO NO RUSH, TAKE CARE OF URSELF BTW

so if its okay, i'd like a twst matchup plz!

personality;. I’m a 6w5 ENTP- except i dont really fit into the usual ENTP stereotype. it kind of actually relates to a lot of deeper psychology functions in each personality type. and i usually follow carl jung’s belief that each aspect of a personality is still in a person(even though it isnt common in them) and it can eventually be developed over time soooo yeah

in general, i can be pretty bright and chaotic but I can be super chill when i’m not in the mood for it. i kinda like being a menace and pranking people. sometimes, when I’m feeling extremely hyper, I like to make violent and/or flirty jokes. and i also laugh at my own jokes(but its kinda funny) and i also like to seem overly confident in myself. usually, im straightforward and blunt with people. however, with strangers, i’m more quiet and i won’t really talk to you unless you approach me first and then, i kinda of start smiling and being really friendly.

otherwise, i can actually be really responsible and smart. it’s just that i act dumb at first especially since it’s amusing to see how people would react to it

- Hobbiesss; i really, really like to research online about specific topics or listen to educational podcasts/documentaries/etc. or sometimes, im usually playing video games, or im simply talking to friends or sometimes, i like to chill and read

- dislikes; iii hate insects like i will cry at the sight of one. i dont like ppl who sugarcoat things and/or don’t actually mean what they say. I literally hate feeling bored like its the worst feeling in the world. i also tend to feel a little intimidated with overly tall people that are like over 6ft especially since i am 4”9

- likes; I rlly like horror moviesss/video games and music. i like video games in general too though and i rlly like learning. i also like mysterious and thriller stufffff. i also rlly like rings, i love them so much. anddd my birdss, i love my pets so muchhh- i also really like philosophy. i love math a lot mostly because i’m really good at it and especially because i love problem-solving and coming up with ideas

Thank you for sending in a match-up; I think that either Idia Shroud or Ace Trappola would be good matches for you!

Idia may be quite tall but, given how bad his posture is, his height shouldn't affect you too horribly considering he's always slouching. You two surprisingly work well together despite your differing energy levels and desire to cause mischief. You both enjoy playing video games and have vast amounts of knowledge on various topics, so Idia would enjoy spending time with you (when you're not too full of energy, that is). Idia would also find your sense of humor to be funny as he seems like the type of person who also laughs at his own jokes, so you two kind of hype each other up when the situation calls for it. He's also a very straightforward person who doesn't sugarcoat things, so most people agree that you two make a great match (even if they may not always appreciate your blunt nature). Idia would enjoy watching horror movies with you, probably laughing and pointing out different inaccuracies throughout the film. He's also a big fan of animals, especially cats, so he'd probably love to be able to pet and play with yours!

Ace would most definitely be your partner in crime. The two of you constantly get into trouble together whenever and wherever you can given that you both have fun when it comes to playing pranks on others. Ace would find your bluntness to be respectable, but also funny in certain situations since you don't sugarcoat your words (even in situations that may need a gentler delivery). He would also find it interesting that you play dumb around others, especially since he knows you’re a very intelligent and somewhat responsible person; the duality of your personality keeps him on his toes, for better or for worse. Ace, too, also hates feeling bored, so you two would probably always be doing something together whether it be visiting an amusement park or just window shopping together on Sage's Island. He also appreciates that you love horror movies since it's one of his favorite genres as well, so you two can go to the movie theatre and watch them together when you're not busy with class!

[seeingteacupsindragons]

hi, im the person whos sent you those rude asks trying to get a reaction, but after thinking about it, id like to apologise for my behaviour. i realise now how immature and ridiculous it was, and that i was just trying to get negative attention because i was bored and too miserable to be able to have any better form of interaction with anyone. but whatever immature reason, i know taking out my personal issues on a stranger i found mildy annoying is really bad behaviour and i shouldnt have done it. im really sorry if i caused any genuine offence when i criticised your writing of which i know nothing about, and im sorry for all those rude and immature and completely random asks i kept spamming you with just because i was bored. it wasnt personal or anything it was sort of random and i dont even know why i did it, it sounds nuts when i think about it. ill stop doing all this rubbish and leave you alone from now on, i wont even do it to anyone else. i just wanted to say that i recognise now that im in the wrong and was acting really rubbishly

Anon...

Honestly, it became apparent almost immediately that you were trying to goad me into giving you attention because you weren't getting any and you were likely jealous I have figured out how to get attention, and...honestly...

That made it easier to keep ignoring you. Because it was so incredibly apparent that what you were doing was entirely about you being upset and jealous and not having the emotional maturity to admit that or do anything productive about it. It wasn't interesting, or relevant to me.

I've never sent anonymous hate mail to anyone (or signed hate mail), but I definitely had a lot of very unstable years where I reacted very badly in social interactions and behaved honestly embarrassingly for the same reasons. You said that you find actually admitting things and liking attention is embarrassing...but I would rather be embarrassed by that than embarrassed about lying to myself.

It's social media! We all want interaction and attention!

But the thing is, making friends and getting attention is often rooted in being positive and loving and affectionate about things. I have so many followers on here because I talk about the things they love with ardent passion. I had a huge surge of followers recently for making a positivity post for original fiction writers encouraging people.

One of your first messages to me told me I don't respond to hate mail "normally" because I actually express genuine hurt when people are mean to me. But that is a normal human reaction. And you know that. I have always been a very open, genuine, and earnest person, so I cannot relate to wrapping yourself in hate, but I spent many years wrapped in anger and jealousy, and the thing that got me out of it was therapy.

Seriously. Therapy, and psychiatric medication. Because my personal brain chemistry means I need that.

And I encourage you to also seek out some kind of professional medical help, because you seem so genuinely miserable and directionless in your life that you need help finding a direction to pursue.

So I genuinely hope you do do that and it helps make you a happier person who hopefully doesn't go into social spaces intentionally poisoning things and making other people miserable because you are miserable. That's what you're doing right now.

But you can also choose to make social spaces more heartfelt and welcoming and warm and kind by adding that to the environment instead. It's a lot of work, sometimes, but it's worth it to me and to people in general.

And you did still hurt my feelings, even though I knew it had nothing to do with me. That's the cost of how you're behaving: you hurt people, and they don't like you very much or want to interact with you, and then you end up lonely and ignored because you're not acting like the kind of person anyone wants to pay attention to.

I'm glad my inbox will return to normal. I hope you find a great hobby that has absolutely nothing to do with me whatsoever.