#too devoted to being assholes on the internet than having fun

[saintmeghanmarkle]

When did you become a sinner? by u/etherealsmog

When did you become a sinner? Now that our little subreddit has more than FIFTY THOUSAND subscribers, I just thought it would be fun to take a little stroll down memory lane. I love hearing people’s “conversion stories” haha. So when did you first discover this sub? Were you ever devoted to our saint, or have you always been a naughty sinner? As for myself, I saw through Meghan Markle the very first time I ever heard her name. As soon as I heard “American television actress” from a middling TV series I only recognized because I thought the commercials looked dumb, I knew the BRF was in for a wild ride. And after the engagement photos, which look like Zales advertisements, it was obvious she was trying to market herself as something other than a selfless diplomat and philanthropist, which is really what the BRF does. And it wasn’t until the wedding that I even realized she was mixed race, because she was obviously positioning herself as the “Royal of Color,” which I figured wasn’t going to go well for a woman who’d clearly so studiously whitewashed herself during her abortive attempts at stardom. Then I didn’t pay them any mind until about September 2021, when I just happened to stumble upon this subreddit somewhat fortuitously. I don’t even remember how I found it, but I think it only had about 6,000 (?) members then, and I was like, “Please God tell me there aren’t literally giant assholes out there who consider Meghan Markle some kind of ‘saintly’ figure.” But I realized I had found my people haha. Six thousand glorious people who saw through the bullshit and had the receipts haha. I got hooked sometime around November 2021 when she went on Ellen and there was no possible way Ellen wasn’t deliberately taking the piss out of her. (I’m pretty sure folks around her were saying, “Ellen’s a sinner.”) But I could only bring myself to lurk for a while because I couldn’t get over the mental hurdle of “being mean” on the internet. I finally broke down and subbed when I realized how often I was coming back to visit and spending too much time to keep looking it up in the search bar haha. I joined at around 12,000 members and I remember thinking, “Wow I think this sub has doubled in membership since I found it, I should probably just break down and hop on that bandwagon.” I never would have guessed how big it would get, and I think we’re gonna get a lot bigger. Glad I got to see a somewhat early iteration of the community here, and I’m still impressed by how many people round these parts still have a ton of serious insight into the goings on of Thicko and Thot. I gotta do a lot of penance for all the time I’ve spent failing in devotion to our saint haha. So all that is my story. What’s yours? post link: https://ift.tt/ZVSeuxP author: etherealsmog submitted: June 21, 2023 at 03:20AM via SaintMeghanMarkle on Reddit

[separatist-apologist]

Just like all those blogs that share screenshots of the anti ship to mock and make fun of, creating an anti week is a bell you can't unring.

Have your fucking fun. If I see anti-feyre week, I'll be up all your stupid, giggling asses since you want this to be the fandom precedent.

[inedibleperiwinkle]

Stick Headcanons with IPS

Relationship edition:  Members of Triple Threat

Charles 

In General: Is a very hands-on, involved person. Platonic or romantic, he will always be touching you, or leaning on you, grabbing your shoulder in congratulations or touching it to console you. He’s always looking for a way to get his affections across to his friends or lovers, he’s happiest when they’re happy. 

Platonic: A very good friend. A bit impulsive, which can lead to some arguments or have him withdrawing with hurt feelings. No matter what, he is a ride or die kind of friend. He puts his friends before himself in all situations, which can lead to him getting burnt out and frustrated eventually. For this reason, he has few friends. Those he keeps he cherishes, and absolutely appreciates when they put up with one of his frustrated (if brief) moods. Loves nothing more than to go have stupid adventures wherever he happens to be, the secret adrenaline junkie that he is revels in almost taking things too far. 

Romantic: Has a crush on someone at any given time, more cautious about actually acting on it. He’s had a lot of bad relationships and has become wary as he gets older. As in his friendships, he can get frustrated if there’s a lack of equal effort in the relationship. Extraordinarily affectionate and extremely laid back, if you can deal with him as a friend you’ll have no trouble with him as a lover. He likes to be in your company as much as possible, no matter the location. He’s perfectly happy being taken to date that consists a sketchy restaurant for waffles at 3am and being kissed in the parking lot, but would love to flex his flying abilities and take a lover out somewhere pretty for a long and peaceful flight. 

Henry

In General: Platonically and romantically takes a lot to get his affection. He is, however, very willing to take people under his wing if he feels like the situation is right. He trusts his gut. He will need space at first, no matter the nature of the relationship, but will quickly become clingy and almost needy once he opens himself up to you. 

Platonic: Is an asshole and has never managed to keep friends close as a young man. For this reason, he’s likely to shove any potential companions away until they’re tired of trying. He uses this to justify himself and the cycle continues. Once he trusts you, however, you’re never getting rid of him. While selfish and self-important, Henry is 100% willing to take a bullet for you if needed. Enjoys being in the same room as you, likes listening to people talk or being left to scroll through the internet, happy to vibe in silence. 

Romantic: Once he’s chosen to act on it, Henry is a devoted kind of lover. He obsesses over things he likes, and a partner would be no different. Tends to lose interest if the attraction is just physical, tends to break things off if he begins to like the person a little too much. Why let them dump him first, after all? He knows they will. If you can get past his insecurity, you’ll have to teach him a little about how healthy relationships work, but if you’re willing to be patient he’s willing to try. Would love to go on a date with some minor illegal things going on, would adore teaching a partner how to pick locks or pickpocket, but has a super soft spot for being taken out somewhere extravagant with his partner dressed nicely. Makes him weak in the knees. 

Ellie

In General: Much like Henry, keeps everyone at an arm’s length and somehow more so. She trusts people far less than Henry does as she sees it as his Fatal Flaw. It takes a long, long time to earn Ellie’s trust and so far, not a single person has ever ‘proven’ to her that they won’t eventually fuck her over. Obviously paranoid, it leaks into her relationships and friendships and keeps her isolated. 

Platonic: Will be friendly with you, will call you a ‘friend’, but that doesn’t mean she trusts you in the least. Ellie Rose sleeps with a knife under her pillow and lives her life with that kind of mindset. Someone’s always out to get her. With that in mind, she never had any meaningful friendships beyond general acquaintances. Regardless, Ellie is still capable of caring about you and absolutely does. Having affection for someone is something that frightens her, but inevitably she grows to care dearly about the ones she holds close. She will allow occasional hugs or touching but doesn’t initiate out of preference. She is an incredibly supportive friend and willing to go along with whatever stupid thing you think would be fun. She’s just along for the ride. 

Romantic: As a partner, Ellie’s insecurities would have to be addressed. This would be a long and painful process for everyone involved. But, as time goes on, she will be more comfortable being open with you. She initiates more affection with a partner than a friend, more willing to reach for your hand or pull you into a gentle hug when she thinks she’d like it, rather than hope you can just read her mind. She’s a quiet lover, but her affections speak through actions. She’s good at communication when she identifies the problem, so fights are at a minimum. She would love to be taken somewhere to explore, or display her knowledge on priceless artifacts and art pieces at a gallery. If you really want to impress her, you’d take her somewhere that showed off a talent of yours, whatever that may be. 

[dovechim]

a remedy for mondays 01 (m)

➾ 11.2k

➾ summary: all you wanted was just one day off work. but for that to happen, you need to invent a plausible reason. and then somehow, somewhere along the way, things get out of hand, and now people think you’re having a baby with your co-worker Park Jimin after a one-night stand. confused? join the club.

➾ warnings: impregnation kink (all that jazz, u guys should know by now), brief mention of pregnancy termination, future smut 

➾ a/n: this is written purely for fun & i hope you can understand my humour!!! please don’t go having babies just for some time off work. by the time i post this, it will be monday where i live. i hope this brings you all some joy :-) 

ps: thank you to @jimlingss, who always hears my crazy ideas out and encourages me to go for them. heck, sometimes she even brings it out of me. idk where i would be without you :”D

You hate this.

The saying goes: work to live, not live to work. But at this rate, you’d rather just not exist at all if you have to continue work at this god.darn.fucking.job.

All around you, people are huddled into their seats, heads bowed below the partition that separates the desks. Frankly, you think this whole open-plan office thing is just bullshit. Who the fuck wants to make eye contact with Jeon Jeongguk when he’s picking his nose in the middle of editing a spreadsheet?

Not you, that’s who.

You sink even lower down in your seat as you continue to stare your screen with a pounding headache. The numerous open windows on your desktop are just mocking you at this point. The morning seems to be crawling by. Usually, you ration out your morning coffee and breakfast to keep you going; so your morning goes a little something like this: arrive 8.30am, check emails, get water from the pantry and fuck about while your bosses aren’t here yet till 9.15am. Reply to some emails till about 9.45am, then sit in a daze till it’s 10am and time for you to drink your morning espresso and nibble at the small bun you bought from the bakery nearby.

This usually gets you to about 11am, only an hour more to go till lunch.

A job in the public service is perceived to be prestigious by most; so you suppose you should be thankful for your job dealing with family policy. But what outsiders don’t realise is that working in a governmental organisation as the utmost bottom rung absolutely sucks. There are so many standard operation procedures for nearly every single fucking thing, even emails to senior management needs to be vetted by someone in a higher position than you. As a result, things get done very slowly and even if they do get through to senior management, it might just get rejected because they decide that it’s not good enough. Then the work comes all the way back to you, and the whole dreary process starts again.

Not to mention your asshole boss. Bae Joohyun. Senior Director. She has a notorious reputation throughout the entire department for being a hell witch from Satan’s posse. In her meetings she demands utter silence from everyone other than the presenter; sneezes and coughs or pen clicks and typing are strictly forbidden.

Technically, she isn’t your direct superior, and you don’t work super closely with her, but she has this mandate that all leave requests for the entire department have to be approved by her. You’ve submitted requests 5 times in the past year, none of which have gone through. As a result you haven’t taken a day off in a good three years since you started working here. You still remember that one time she rejected your medical leave and called you to her desk. You’d been nursing a terrible flu, your complexion washed out and almost falling off your feet. Looking in the mirror that morning had been a complete shock. You thought a zombie was staring back at you.

Bae Joohyun had narrowed her eyes at you. “What’s wrong with you that you need to take emergency medical leave, _____?”

“I-it’s this cold, ma’am,” your voice was nasal and stuck in your throat.

Bae Joohyun had rolled her eyes and motioned for you to speak up. “I can’t hear you, stop mumbling for heaven’s sake!”

“I have a cold, ma’am! Has been so for the past three days,” you sniffled and pressed a tissue to your nose.

“A cold?” Bae Joohyun raised an eyebrow sceptically. “You seem fine to me. You look the same as you usually do. Get back to work.”

Sometimes you feel like this company, in all its pro-family views, treats married employees with children better.

The resentment grows inside you as you tap on your keyboard harder and harder, earning you a timid glance from Jeon Jeongguk opposite you. But you ignore him, continuing to type out a reply to someone who somehow failed to read your previous email and continued to ask the exact same questions.

“______?”

You absolutely hate it when someone approaches you from the back in your blind spot and startles you like this. Forcing a smile on your face, you sit up straighter in your chair and turn around. It’s Taehyung from the Baby Bonus Team, and he’s holding a folder with a smile on his face.

“Morning, ______!” He chirps with a sunny expression, and you can barely muster enough energy to greet him back, let alone match his level of enthusiasm on a Monday morning. “Could I just trouble you to update this for me? It’s just our operations manual for the Baby Bonus Team that hasn’t been touched in like… ages. I just need the HR section updated. Is that ok?”

Before you can even reply, Taehyung places a folder on your desk and his email appears on your screen, and he’s off. It’s not a secret that Taehyung loves his job to pieces. He loves children, loves babies, and loves it that he’s doing his part to contribute to the nation’s falling birth rate.

Well, not likethat,since you’re pretty sure he doesn’t have a girlfriend.

But everyone else here seems to love children. Over lunch with your team, all they do is exchange pictures of their children, their friends’ children, or some random baby from Facebook and coo over how chubby and cute they are. You stopped going to lunch with them after Mingyu from Pre-Schools team showed everyone a picture of his niece in a soiled diaper.

Most of your older coworkers who are married with their own families have pictures of their children on their desks. You’re forced to stare at these pictures with the resentment bubbling up inside you as you listen to their latest rant about how your proposal is too skimpy, lacks real research, that email of yours is poorly worded, needs to be recalled etc; so can anyone really blame you when you’re unable to dredge up even the slightest bit of adoration for those grubby faced gremlins?

Clicking open Taehyung’s email and finding the document he attached, you scroll down to the section he mentioned. You realise that he was being modest when he said that it needed an update. The whole fucking section comprises of just a single sentence, and you’ll probably have to write it from scratch.

Sighing through your nose, you click open an internet browser and do a quick google search for the general HR benefits for expecting women and their partners. You also open up the intranet to take a look at your own company’s mandates, which seem to be quite a whole lot more substantial than the general ones (which is only natural since your organisation is so pro-family in its viewpoints).  16 weeks of paid maternity leave, for a start.

Good god. 16 whole weeks? That’s practically 4 months. That’s almost half a year!!!

Obviously you know that having a baby wrecks the mother’s body, and is a major life change; that’s why they need that much leave time. But right now the concept of not having to go to work for that amount of time is simply blowing your mind. Especially since it feels as if you’ve been working non-stop for as long as you can remember.

On top of the 16 weeks is increased medical leave that can be taken any time before the baby is born. Your company is incredibly sympathetic towards pregnant women, which is only natural considering the line of work that you do in family planning. In fact, you know of a few colleagues from the Baby Bonus Team who took almost a whole month of medical leave, spread out, before they had their babies.

Not to mention the actual baby bonus itself.

Curious, you click back to Taehyung’s document and scroll up to the section on Baby Bonus. You scan through and gather that it comprises of a cash gift of $8,000 to $10,000, on top of several other schemes such as a savings account with the amount matched by the government. The total amount of cash receivable just for having one child is listed at the bottom of the page.

You sit back in your chair with a sharp breath. You never realised it was this lucrative to have a baby. Imagine receiving free money from the government, and having all that paid time off. All you need to do is just pop out one (1) baby, and that’s it. You can suck the government dry if you devote the rest of your life to being a baby making machine. See what Bae Joohyun has to say when you slam your maternity leave application on her desk.

The thought makes you smirk triumphantly.

But a moment later, the triumph fades as you remember your very, very single self. Without a boyfriend to knock you up, there’s no way this scheme would work.

Sighing, you shake your head to get rid of all the useless fantasies as you get back to work.

*

“Hey, _____. Meet our new joiner,” Jeongguk’s voice stirs you from the zoned out state you’re in, frantically typing away.

It’s well after lunch now; somehow the time had flown past while you were working on Taehyung’s document.

You look up to meet Jeongguk’s eyes, and then your gaze shifts to the slightly shorter man beside him. He is wearing a large pair of black glasses that cover nearly half his face; his blonde hair is parted down the middle and neatly slicked back. This man can’t even meet your eyes; he gives you a nervous little smile but his gaze is off, fixed somewhere on your shoulder. His white dress shirt is tucked in neatly to his black dress pants, but he is constantly fidgeting.

“Park Jimin. Welcome to the team, buddy,” Jeongguk slaps Jimin on the shoulder with a grin. “You’re sitting beside me.”

“Welcome, nice to meet you,” you smile and nod at him, but otherwise remain seated. No one can or will distract you from this document. You need to finish this by today, or else you’ll have to bring it home to work on it.

Park Jimin nods shyly as Jeongguk shows him to his seat. With this current arrangement, it means that the three of you are all facing each other in this cluster of desks. Sighing internally, you watch Jimin take his seat and arrange his things, see him glance shyly at you from behind his enormous glasses before his eyes dart away and he hides behind his desktop.

What a weird guy. He hasn’t said a single thing. Whatever. You turn back and resume typing, but then your phone chimes with an email notification.

CONGRATULATIONS!!! YOU HAVE WON MEET AND GREET PASSES TO MEET agust d TOMORROW!!!

Your heart skips a beat and you abandon typing just to open the email. You bid for these meet and greet passes months ago when you bought tickets to see your favourite rapper in concert. No news had resulted in you concluding that you hadn’t won after all, and you were contented with the chance just to see agust d in real life.

But now…

You scroll down to look at the details of the meet and greet.

24 September 2019, from 4pm (please see your specific timeslot on your attached passes)

Each meet and greet session comprises of: an up close, INTIMATE, one on one opportunity to chat and take photos with agust d, lasting for 15 minutes

Your heart sinks as you check the time on your pass. You end work only at 6pm, and when you’d bought the tickets you thought it’d be fine for you to go straight after work since the concert only starts at 7pm. There’s no way you’ll be able to take half day leave to attend the meet and greet. There’s no way Bae Joohyun would let you.

Sitting back in your seat in despair, feeling the angry tears well up in your eyes and the frustration cloud your chest, you don’t notice a pair of meek eyes behind black glasses peek out behind the desktop.

All that’s going through your head is: there has to be a way, there has to be a way.

There’s no way you’re letting these passes go to waste just like that. There’s no way you’re not meeting agust d just because Bae Joohyun has a stick up her ass.

*

Tuesday morning finds you at Bae Joohyun’s desk with a leave application filled out. You carefully set it on her desk, knowing full well that she comes in at 9.30am on the dot every day.

Rumour has it that she colour codes her outfits based on her mood that day. As you slink back to your desk, you catch a glance of her clad fully in black, striding powerfully into the office in her black pumps.

Your heart sinks as Jeongguk sings out a cheerful good morning to you and Park Jimin, whom you hadn’t even noticed was already at his desk.

“Morning, Jeongguk,” you mutter under your breath. “Morning to you too, Jimin.”

The newcomer does nothing more than nod at you as he ducks back behind his computer. But today you don’t have the bandwidth to wonder about him as you click over to Taehyung’s email about the document from yesterday.

“Hey, aren’t you going to see agust d tonight?” Jeongguk sits up straighter.

“Yeah, why?” Your reply comes clipped, already in a bad mood just from anticipating your rejected leave application.

“I heard the results of the balloting for the meet and greet passes came out yesterday,” Jeongguk’s bright eyes are on your face. “Do you know agust d, Jimin?”

The blonde haired man shrugs as part of his face appears from behind his computer.

“Anyway, I think only like five people got the passes, and as of yesterday night, there are already bidders on the black market willing to pay almost a thousand just for one pass,” Jeongguk continues on.

“Huh, really? Who’d be that crazy to pay that much money?” You muse, looking at your phone.

“Right?” Jeongguk sighs dramatically. You know he’d be extra salty if you told him you won passes to the meet and greet. You’d already made the mistake of letting slip that you managed to get a VIP ticket, and Jeongguk had sulked for an entire week after that. “I mean, what are the chances anyway? If you think about it, those people who won the passes must be die-hard fans, since you can only win one if you managed to get a VIP ticket. Which die-hard fan would sell their hard won passes like that?”

The conversation tapers off as you reply to some emails, but you can’t help but glance back at your phone. A thousand dollars just for a meet and greet pass. That’s just crazy. The amount of money some people are willing to spend… it almost makes you wonder if you could… sell it since you can’t make it anyway…

No. No. You can’t sell agust d’s love just for a thousand dollars. You wouldn’t even sell it for a million dollars. Shame on you.

Hushed whispers suddenly erupt around you, and Jeongguk hisses like a startled cat.

“Shit, SD’s coming! Fuck, I was in the middle of a game,” Jeongguk scrambles to turn off his phone, muttering under his breath that his teammates are going to kick him off the team next time.

You sit straighter in your seat and turn your head towards the aisle. Sure enough, Bae Joohyun is fast approaching like a hurricane bent on destruction. Her face is as black as her outfit.

“Jimin, since you’re new, just copy what I do. Look at your computer and don’t speak unless spoken to,” Jeongguk’s eyes are wide with fear, but he is frantically typing away on his keyboard, turning to glance at the timid man beside him. “Got it? Don’t show any fear, she can scent it like a shark with blood in the water. No matter what you do, don’t make eye contact with her if she isn’t talking to you.”

When Jimin doesn’t respond, Jeongguk glances hurriedly to the younger man. “Did you hear me?!”

“Y-yes.” It’s the first word you’ve heard this man utter, and it is somewhat strangled and you barely catch it over the rising panic that unfolds around you.

“Who d’you think she’s here for?” Jeongguk whispers to you.

“No idea,” you choke out with a closed throat, even though you have a very good idea who she’s here for.

As Bae Joohyun nears your cluster of desks, she slows down. Her eagle eyes scan the floor where all the employees are huddled at their seats, typing away with hunched shoulders. You can feel her gaze land on you, and you close your eyes briefly to say a prayer for mercy.

“______.”

Your name is uttered into the silence, and Jeongguk’s eyes shift just a fraction to glance at you. They are wide with fear. Beside him, Park Jimin’s eyes dart to yours from behind his thick black glasses. But none of them move.

“Y-yes?” You turn in your chair to face Bae Joohyun.

“You applied for emergency half day leave this pm, am I correct?” The witch herself holds up your leave application form. “Seeing as it’s this last minute, it must be urgent. What’s wrong with you this time?”  

It’s dead silent. Everyone is pretending to work at their desks, but you know all too well that what they’re really doing is eavesdropping on this conversation. Well, eavesdropping is too generous a term, considering that this conversation is made fully public.

“I… I’m…” You stutter and stumble over your words, struggling to think of a plausible excuse. Some part of you had hoped for a miracle, prayed to the gods eight times last night that Bae Joohyun would be in a merciful mood this morning and grant you the leave without asking.

You glance at Jeongguk, and by now he’s worked everything out silently in his head. His expression says everything. But he doesn’t dare to even look you in the eye.

Instead of him, you realise that another pair of eyes are watching you instead. Park Jimin’s head is tilted to the side, his eyes are observing your mini panic attack without darting away for once.

“Well? What’s wrong with you, I asked,” Bae Joohyun demands.

You can practically hear the clock ticking off the seconds till her patience runs out. Between that and Park Jimin’s persistent stare, your mind just goes blank, and you utter the first words that come to mind.

“I… I’m having morning sickness!”

“What?” Bae Joohyun’s tone is, for the first time, one of shock. “What did you just say?”

Despite Bae Joohyun’s presence, Taehyung from Baby Bonus has turned around in his seat. “Morning sickness? You don’t mean to say you’re…”

Your eyes dart around wildly all over the place in response to what you think Taehyung is implying. God dammit, if not for his fucking comment, you could have diverted it down a less conspicuous path.

“Pregnant?” Namjoon from HR pipes up. “______, are you pregnant? When were you planning on notifying HR?”

Oh god. Things are moving too fast. Slowly, people are turning around in their chairs and inviting themselves into what should be a private conversation between you and Bae Joohyun. Curious looks are directed your way, and you are tongue tied.

“______, I didn’t know you were married! You’ve been keeping it from us this whole time?” Someone from Pre-Schools, you think his name is Seokjin, exclaims in a chiding tone.

“No!” Your voice bursts out from somewhere. It sounds far away to your ears. “No, I’m not married!! I just had a… a… a one night stand.”

Fuck. You’re digging yourself into a deeper hole.

“A one-night stand?” Bae Joohyun narrows her eyes. Somehow you can see that she doesn’t really buy it. She is scanning your face intently, and if there’s even a shred of uncertainty, she will catch it.

“With him!” Pointing at the one person who’s been silent all this time, you can feel the gazes shift from you. You know what they say about a liar. They always have this compulsive need to supplement their lies with arbitrary details.

But it works, and everyone’s attention is now on Park Jimin. You can see his eyes dart around briefly for a moment before they return to yours. But they don’t seem any more panicked or surprised than they usually do. He is as cool and collected as he always is, and he doesn’t say a word, as usual.

“Damn, you and Park Jimin?” It’s Jeongguk who speaks up this time. “Who would have thought? I mean, the guy just started yesterday, that must have been hell of a welcome party you gave him.”

Several giggles and snickers break out in response to his lewd joke.

“Shut up Jeon, that’s not how pregnancy works,” Namjoon rolls his eyes. “They must have met each other months ago. Is this going to be another HR concern though? Inter-departmental relationships?”

Bae Joohyun glances down her nose at you derisively. “I have no wish to know what you do in your free time. But I must ask, Ms _____, that you inform HR immediately of any condition you have that might affect your ability to work.”

The intimidation wrought by Bae Joohyun is replaced by anger at her words. No wish to know about your personal matters, when she was the one who decided it was appropriate to ask why you need to take leave in front of the whole department? What if this was a real situation and you were facing an unplanned pregnancy? Instead of being offered sympathy and support, you’re faced with judgement. This woman is entirely heartless and should not be the head of a pro-family planning division. Not to mention that discussing your leave application publicly is utterly inappropriate. It’s this thought that gives you the courage to speak.

“So can I be approved?” You look her directly in the eye, throwing your shame out the window. What’s done is done. Since the whole department thinks you got knocked up from a one-night stand with a colleague, you might as well use it to your advantage. “For my half day leave. Can it be approved?”

A few beats of silence follow as Bae Joohyun looks cornered for the first time. There is an unspoken pressure even as people turn back to their desks to continue working. If she turns you down in front of everyone like this, she could quite possibly get reported for discrimination against pregnant women. Though it is unspoken, your shoulders relax as you realise you have the upper hand in this situation.

Bae Joohyun takes a deep breath.

“Fine. Approved.”

*

Wednesday morning, Jeongguk is an eager puppy trailing after you, begging for pictures and a blow by blow account of the concert.

“Just watch my Instagram story or something, I literally have no voice to talk to you right now,” you roll your eyes. Truth be told, your voice isn’t that bad off, but you just want to bask in that post concert afterglow for a moment.

“What was he like in person? Did you pass him my fan letter?” Jeongguk is relentless this morning, and his never ending chatter makes Park Jimin peek out curiously from behind his computer.

When your eyes meet, you freeze on the spot like a deer in the headlights. On Tuesday you left right after Bae Joohyun approved you, seeing as it was almost lunch time anyway. You decided that after winning a war, one rightly deserves to enjoy a stress free, worryless night out before returning to the battlegrounds once more.

But now that you’re here, it is a whole different story. Park Jimin glances at you wordlessly before resuming typing, and the awkwardness is killing you. You feel bad enough that you implicated him in this whole mess, probably ruined his reputation around here and maybe even giving HR a reason to keep a closer eye on him. But regardless, you probably should talk to the man and attempt to explain things, and at the very least, apologise.

“…ask him when his next mixtape is dropping?” Jeongguk is still at it.

“Hey, um, Jimin? If you have a moment this morning, can I speak to you in private?” You lean to the side to attempt to catch a glimpse of Park Jimin.

There is a slight pause before Jimin’s head appears, and he meets your eye for a moment before looking away again. He nods once before turning his head in the direction of an empty meeting room.

“Woah, should you be doing that in your condition, though?” Jeongguk comments with a lewd smirk even as his eyes lower to your mid-section, and you give him a scathing glare in response as you close your laptop.

“Shut up, Jeon. Just for the record, I ripped up and threw your letter in the trash,” you hiss at him, eliciting a horrified gasp as you follow Jimin to the meeting room.

*

“So, um…” You start off awkwardly once the door is closed.

Park Jimin is twiddling his thumbs, head bowed shyly and he refuses to make eye contact with you. Now that you think of it, his nerd glasses actually suit him quite well, but it’s just a shame that he’s too painfully shy to actually look anyone in the eye. He is quite a good looking guy, but maybe he has issues with his self-esteem is all.

“I wanted to apologise, first of all. And also explain myself,” you take a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have dragged you into my mess. It’s just that- I… I just haven’t had a fucking break from Bae Joohyun ever since I started working in this fucking place.”

All the resentment just pours right out, and you’d be ashamed of yourself for using vulgarities at the workplace were it not for Park Jimin finally glancing up at you with a tiny smile on his face.

“I heard the rumours about her. So they’re true.” Jimin’s voice is still a little hesitant, wondering how much he should be gossiping about Bae Joohyun with another co-worker who could so easily rat him out and get him in trouble. But then, seeing as you’ve already managed to implicate him within a day of knowing him, how much dirtier can you do him, really? The thought brings a wry smile to his face once more. But then again, it seems like everyone here is more or less united by their intense dislike for Bae Joohyun. You of all people probably dislike her the most.

“True? What kind of rumours did you hear? And from where?” Intrigued by the man whom you’ve exchanged less than two words with before claiming to have had a one-night stand and a resulting pregnancy with, you lean forward in your seat.

Jimin shrugs. “Glassdoor.”

His response catches you off guard, and you are laughing with your hands over your mouth. “Oh my god. Please tell me you read the one where someone spit in her coffee. That was me.”

Jimin raises an eyebrow. “Really? I thought that was by a 54 year old IT engineer.”

“I can’t be putting my real age and designation on there, can I?” You point out.

“Were you the one who bagged dog shit and hid it in her office?” Jimin has that tiny smile again, and you have to admit it’s sort of cute when he comes out of his shell. He is even more handsome when he smiles, brighter and somewhat infectious.

“19 year old marketing intern? Yep, that was me,” you sigh in contentment as you remember rage writing all those Glassdoor reviews after a particularly bad meeting that one week. You didn’t actually do all of those things, but just imagining it and writing public reviews was enough for you to get your imagined revenge.

“ ‘Hid some dog shit in her office so she can be reminded of how shitty her management style is’,” Jimin recites from memory. “You know, I almost withdrew my application because of that review.”

Jimin’s dead serious tone makes you laugh again. The sound of your laughter fills the empty meeting room, and you have to admit that this is the most relaxed and carefree you’ve felt while working here.

But belatedly you realise that you’ve gone very off topic, so you sober up and attempt to try to get things back on track again. “So anyway, about the um… one-night stand thing. We can just lie low for a while and make up some shit later. Tell them the baby didn’t make it or something.”

Jimin nods thoughtfully, tapping his chin. “Or we can say it was a false positive. Less for you to go through since people would be all over you with pity and sympathy if we said that. I don’t think you’d wanna be pretend to be distraught over an imaginary baby.”

“That’s right, you’re a genius!” You marvel the way he just comes up with these ideas so easily. “How did you know about false positives?”

Jimin only shrugs, pushes his glasses up on his nose a little and he seems to be blushing. “I studied biology as an elective back in university.”

There’s a pause of silence before you look him in the eye again. “I really am sorry, you know. For making you go through all this. I kind of just panicked and didn’t think before speaking.”

But Jimin doesn’t seem to be making as big of a deal of it as you are. “Y’know, it’s fine. It ispretty exciting to be accused of having a one-night stand on my very first day. Aside from that, things can only go up, right?’

It takes you a moment or two to realise that he’s making a joke, delivered in that deadpan way of his that betrays his sweet, innocent face. At your harried expression, Jimin breaks the act and giggles, and you nearly slump over with relief.

“So, I guess we have to act like we’re in a relationship too?” Jimin adds as an afterthought.

“It’s up to you, we don’t really have to make it that obvious,” you shrug as you get up from your seat and push the chair back to its original position. “I’m fine with being an unwed mother for a bit. I wouldn’t wanna trouble you any more than I already have. You don’t have to do anything else for me.”

Jimin is silent as he follows your lead toward the door. When the both of you are almost halfway back to your seats, he stops you with a brief clearing of his throat. “It wouldn’t bother me at all.”

You look back at him for a moment, and he just gives you another one of those shy little smiles as he goes back to his desk. For the rest of the afternoon, you find that you don’t really mind having an open office policy, not if it allows you glimpses of cute Park Jimin in his nerd glasses sitting opposite you.

*

The ruse goes on without a hitch for at least a few weeks. Here and there you get the odd look of curiosity and perhaps a little judgement from a few of the older ladies who tsk behind your back about you being a single unwed mother, but otherwise, things are better than ever. Just knowing that you have the freedom to take medical leave whenever you feel like it has improved your mood greatly, and the other day Namjoon from HR even came to tell you that you can come into work later if the morning sickness is really bothering you.

Most of all, people are also curious about the relationship between you and Park Jimin. Word has spread that he is the father of your pseudo baby by now, but thankfully no one is tactless enough to outright ask if you and Park Jimin are a couple now. Not even Namjoon from HR.

Monday morning comes, and you drag yourself into work, feeling slightly more worse for wear than usual. Every Monday, you have a progress meeting with your immediate superior that always leaves you in a bad mood after. It’s the same old tirade; getting piled with things that others have no time for, having previously submitted proposals rejected and being asked to redo them.

Today after the meeting, Jimin comes up to you just as you’re downing your fourth cup of coffee before 10am. He has a slightly anxious look on his face, one that’s out of place on his usual calm and composed self.

“Do you have a minute? We need to talk. Now.” Jimin turns immediately and starts walking towards the nearest meeting room, and in spite of yourself, your eyes are drawn to his ass in those pants. It almost makes up for the earful you got from your manager this morning. Almost.

“We’re in trouble,” Jimin says once you close the door to the meeting room. He is seated with his laptop open in front of him.

“What happened? Is it Taehyung from Baby Bonus again? I swear, if he accidentally deleted the whole archive, I’m going to shove a chair up his ass-“

“No, no it’s not about work,” Jimin swallows hard as he types something and turns his laptop to face you. “Over the weekend, someone wrote on my wall. They said- they wrote- just… just see for yourself.”

“Oh my god.” You hand flies to your mouth as horror slams into your gut. “I’ll kill him. I’ll kill that stupid punk with my own two hands. Delete it now!!!”

“That’s not the point,” Jimin’s voice sounds strangled as he directs your attention to the comments. “That’s my Granny. She saw it.”

The full extent of the damage done doesn’t hit you until you read Park JungMin’s comment.

“What was your granny doing up at freaking 5am???” You hiss in anger, poking Jimin’s shoulder.

“I don’t know- she’s an old person! She probably couldn’t sleep!” Jimin snaps back.

“Why didn’t you delete it immediately after you saw it!?” You accuse Jimin, pointing a finger at him. “None of this would have happened if you just deleted the post!!!”

“I only saw it this morning, for your information,” Jimin turns his head away from you and crosses his arms. “Forgive me for having a normal sleep schedule.”

“Fucking Jeon Jeongguk, I’ll kill him, I really will,” you mutter as you start to pace back and forth, already contemplating the numerous ways in which you can torture him.

“What are we going to do?” Jimin’s hands hover nervously over his laptop. “Granny will be so disappointed if she finds out it’s a lie. Maybe we should just come clean.”

You whirl around in indignance. “We can’t do that!!! It’s far too soon, if the truth comes out now, everyone will know I was just faking it. We need to wait at least three months. I researched, that’s the most likely time for a woman to have a miscarriage. Why did you have to add your grandmother on Facebook??”

“Hey-! She just wants updates on my life because she lives all the way in Busan!!” Jimin looks affronted when you mention his granny like that. “And if we’re playing the blame game here, if it weren’t for your concert, none of this would have happened in the first place.”

“That was agust d,” you say simply, as if it explains everything. “And that’s not the point. You have to tell your granny that it’s all a lie and tell her to keep it to herself.”

“But what am I supposed to say?” Jimin whines, his bottom lip jutting out and you swear you almost see him stamp his foot like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum.

“I don’t know, anything! Make something up!” You throw your hands up in exasperation.

“She has a weak heart, she can’t take it,” Jimin insists as he stands up and crosses his arms. “She’ll keel over in shock if I tell her there’s no baby. And she told me she’s already booked on the first flight to Seoul. You have to take responsibility.”

The absurdity of this situation means that you can’t decide if you should laugh or cry. “Well what do you want me to do? I can’t just magic a baby into my stomach like that!”

Jimin stays silent, and the implication dawns on you.

“No way. You’re insane. You can’t possibly mean that we should-“

“She wants you to come over for dinner tomorrow night.” Jimin says finally, his eyes now pleading. “She just wants to meet you. We don’t have to tell her that there’s no baby yet. Please?”

Oh. Well, for a second there, you thought Park Jimin was about to suggest something else entirely.

“It’s just one dinner,” Park Jimin pleads eagerly.

Your head is pounding, and the stress of the entire morning has caught up with you. Everything is too overwhelming, things are moving too fast and you’re too tired to argue with him any longer.

“Fine. Just one dinner. After that, we’re coming clean with Granny.” You fix him with a meaningful stare as his face lights up in glee.

“I promise!” Park Jimin grins as he claps his hands together. “Oh and ______... you might want to go easy on the coffee there. Pregnant women can’t have too much caffeine.”

*

This is ridiculous.

Just thinking that you could be curled up at home with a nice glass of wine in bed, instead of standing nervously outside some stranger’s house makes you more huffy and annoyed than usual.

Jimin beside you shoots you a look, and you roll your eyes.

“Did you hear me? Or do I have to repeat the entire story of how we met and ended up secretly dating for five months again?” Jimin nudges you in the ribs with his elbow.

“When I said make something up, I didn’t think you were going to become a scriptwriter for Marvel,” you roll your eyes back at him. “I’m just gonna let you do the talking. Ok? If they direct any tricky questions my way, I’ll just pretend I need to puke.”

Jimin sighs a long suffering sigh as he reaches for his keys. He always envisioned the first time he brought a girl home to meet his family as a wholesome affair. He imagined himself to be feeling over the moon, a little nervous but that was to be expected, and most of all, irrevocably in love with the woman standing at his side. Taking a glance at you now, Jimin can’t say this situation is ideal.

But hey, when life gives you lemons, right?

He opens the door and leads the way in, only to be accosted by a hug from his Granny having made it only about five steps in. Her comforting embrace and familiarity makes him relax again, and he hugs her back tightly.

“Granny! I missed you! How was the flight? Does your back hurt? You should have rested more! You should have let me pick you up at the airport,” Jimin says in a chiding tone as he places an arm around her, trying to steer her towards the living room area to take a seat.

But the stubborn old woman refuses with a smile that lights up her entire face when she catches a glimpse of you. “Ah, this must be ______! She looks so pretty! Too good for our little Jimin, I must say. Come in, come in!!! Take a seat and take a load off!!! You must be tired after working the entire day, and with the baby too.”

You can barely keep yourself from wincing when she mentions the baby, but otherwise, Jimin’s Granny is a very pleasant person. She exudes an aura of warmth and you feel at home with her immediately. Her compliments make you soft; and she seems to be incredibly genuine about them too. For the next five minutes, all she does is admire you; how smooth your hands are, how good your complexion is, how smart, kind and gentle you look, and also my oh my our little Park Jimin has managed to snag such a professional for a girlfriend.

“Granny, you’re embarrassing her,” Jimin mutters with a rosy blush spread across his cheeks as he stands beside the old woman. “And me as well.”

“Nonsense,” Granny chides Jimin as she turns to you with a smile that wrinkles at the corners of her mouth. “This is the first time our little Jimin has brought a girl home, you see. We were all worried that he was… you know, batting for the other team, which would be perfectly fine, but…”

“Granny!!!” Jimin actually does stomp his foot and cross his arms. The tips of his ears are red, the blush on his cheeks is prominent. “Granny, I’m hungry. Can we eat?”

It seems like Jimin knows exactly what works on Granny, because she turns around immediately and pats Jimin’s cheek. “Alright, alright puppy. We can eat now. Come, _____, you must be hungry too now that you’re eating for two. I asked Jimin about your favourites, I hope you like them.”

You glance questioningly at Jimin for a moment over Granny’s head as the two of you follow her to the dining table and have a seat opposite each other. While Granny’s warmth is nothing but welcoming, you can’t help but feel a little overwhelmed. This, at least, is not what you were expecting. Granny seems perfectly fine with the notion of you being pregnant with Jimin’s child without getting married first. Perhaps society is shedding its traditionalist viewpoints and you just hadn’t realised it.

“You know dear, when Jimin told me the news, I was so overjoyed,” Granny says with a wistful smile on her face. “It’s one of my wishes to see Jimin happy with a girl he loves. And looking at the two of you now, even if I die tomorrow, I’ll be content.”

“Granny!” Jimin admonishes sharply. “You can’t say that! Your health has been getting better, hasn’t it? Are you taking your medicines? Three times a day, like the doctor said!”

Granny pats her grandson’s hand. “I am, puppy, I am. What does an old woman like me have to live for if her only grandson doesn’t even visit her anymore? At least now I’ll have the baby to look forward to. You’ll let me take care of it for you, won’t you?”

This last part she directs to you, and you glance nervously at Jimin. This is most definitely not what you signed up for when you agreed to this dinner. With every passing second, the guilt just piles higher and higher, till you feel like you might have trouble swallowing your food.

“Mrs… Mrs Park,” you say hesitantly, speaking for the first time since you set foot in this house. Pseudo baby or not, it just wouldn’t do to hurt this kind old woman, especially since she seems so excited and happy to meet you.

“Call me Granny, please,” she says as she pushes an extra bowl of rice towards you. “You should have this too.”

“Oh no,” you say automatically. “I’m watching my weight, so I shouldn’t…”

But it was the wrong thing to say. Granny immediately perks up, sitting straight in her seat, her eagle eyes on you. “Watching your weight, dear? Why would you be doing that now? You should be eating well for the baby! Is it this little punk who’s making comments about your weight?”

Granny seizes hold of Jimin’s ear and pulls, and he whimpers in the midst of spooning a giant bite of rice into his mouth.

“NO!” You blurt out in a panic, seeing your coworker’s face screw up in pain. You have to admit that you’ve been in a number of interesting situations with Park Jimin thus far, but something tells you that this isn’t the worst of it just yet. “No, Granny! I- I take it back. I’ll eat.”

Granny lets out a hmph as she releases Jimin’s ear with a warning glance towards her grandson. As Jimin reaches for a juicy looking sparerib, Granny’s chopsticks dart out and intercept him, causing the piece of meat to fall back onto the plate. She then expertly picks it up with her own chopsticks and drops it on top of your rice with a satisfied smile.

Jimin turns to Granny with a pout on his lips, and when your heart skips a tiny, little beat, you know you’re in trouble.

*

Somehow, bad news always comes on Monday mornings.

Today it comes in the form of Park Jimin, again, as he drags you into a meeting room the moment you finish your meeting with your manager.

“What is it now?” You hiss at him as he locks the door suspiciously. “Do you really need to do that? You know people think we’re like, fucking in here, don’t you? Thanks to your buddy Jeon Jeongguk.”

“Wait, what?” Jimin does a double take. “No, that doesn’t matter. My parents. They want me to marry you.”

“WHAT?” You screech so loudly that Jimin winces and covers his ears. “Tell them no, for fuck’s sake!”

“They already apparently bought an entire plot of land in the baby’s name,” Jimin goes on adding to the bad news as if he were adding fuel to the fire. “It’s in Baby Park’s name.”

“Oh my god.” Your head swirls and you wobble on your feet, and Jimin reaches out to steady you as if you were actually pregnant. You push his hand away with an irritated glare to remind him that all this is just a ruse. One that you’re beginning to seriously regret having cooked up all those weeks ago.

“What are we going to do?” Jimin sighs as he runs a hand through his hair, taking off his glasses for a moment to rub at his temples.

“We?” You exclaim. “What do you mean, we? Why are you talking as if we’re already married? You need to resolve this situation on your own, buddy. It’s not my fault your family likes to jump the gun!”

“What about you then?” Jimin snaps back with a raised eyebrow. “Look, it’s been two months, almost three, and I don’t see you making any plans to hide a watermelon under your clothes or tell people that it’s all just a scheme you cooked up.”

You gasp indignantly. “I was- I was working up to that! You know, coming up with my cover story, setting the stage, all that!”

Park Jimin crosses his arms in disbelief. “Oh really? So you’re planning on coming clean with everyone and telling them you’re not actually pregnant? Is that why you’ve been taking medical leave every week, running to the bathroom to ‘throw up’ every morning that you’re noton leave?”

“Have you been watching me?”

“A little hard not to, considering you sit right opposite me!”

The two of you are panting and staring hard at each other, both wrapped up in your own anger.

“Look, I’ll forget everything else. Just tell your parents to sell the land or something. The price of land has gone up recently, I’m sure they can still make a valuable profit if they sell now…”

Jimin’s eyebrow twitches. “Sell the land? When they think it’s for their precious grandchild?”

“There. Is. No. Grandchild,” you spit back at him. “Oh my god. We’re just going in circles here. I need to get back to work. My manager already gave me hell this morning, and I don’t need this from you too.”

You leave him in the meeting room and make your way swiftly back your desk, waking your laptop and checking your emails. A few minutes pass before you can fully calm yourself down and reorientate to what needs to be done. First, you redo that spreadsheet, feeling slightly better once you drown out the entire world and just focus on the numbers and cells in front of you. In fact, you forget about this whole terrible mess for a moment or two.

“Hey, _______?” There is a tap on your shoulder, and you turn around to see your manager hovering behind you. She bends down to squint at your screen, “You’re not still redoing the spreadsheet, are you? Our meeting ended an hour ago, you should be done with that by now!”

“I-I’m sorry, something came up, and I…” your voice is weak compared to hers, and vaguely you can see Park Jimin lean over slightly in his seat. “I’m done with it now. I’ll send it over.”

“Good. And get started on the operations manual. I need it all by 5pm today.” Your manager gives you a pat on the back, starts to walk off, and then hesitates. “I know you’re in a rather… delicate situation, but that shouldn’t affect your ability to work. It’s a busy period of time, _____, and I expect nothing but the best from my team. Got it?”

You swallow hard as you try and return her smile. “Got, it, Manager.”

Turning back to your screen, tears are blurring your vision as you attach the document to an email and send it off. You can feel the curious stares of your coworkers all on you, and you feel more self-conscious than ever. Never mind that pretending to be pregnant is all a ruse. It was supposed to make your life better, give you some breathing space, but you feel more suffocated than ever.

You need some air. Now.

Standing up, you grab your phone and dip your head, striding for the exit quickly so that no one catches the expression on your face. Hopefully, they’ll think you need to puke or something, and not pathetically hide in a corner and cry your eyes out. Thankfully, this morning you had the foresight not to apply any eye makeup, so you can rub your eyes as much as you want.

This corner is actually pretty nice. It’s secluded that no one would accidentally wander in and find a hysterically sobbing woman, yet it’s not too far that you can’t make it back to your desk within five minutes if your manager calls. You wipe your face with the back of your sleeve, taking a deep breath and getting ready to go back and face everything once more, when you notice a pair of loafers standing a few steps away.

“Are you okay?” Park Jimin’s voice is familiar. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to… intrude, but you just looked so upset and… she was totally unreasonable. Using that as an excuse to comment on your work ethic. Just unacceptable.”

He is shaking his head with a serious expression on his face, and it makes you laugh suddenly. Jimin looks up in surprise, eyes wide, but then a small smile spreads across his face as well as he tucks his hands into his pockets. It occurs to you that if Park Jimin weren’t here, no one else would have come to check up on you.

“I’m used to it,” you shrug as you check your reflection in your phone screen. “It’s just… I just need to cry once and I’m fine. You weren’t supposed to see this side of me,” you attempt a weak laugh. “You’re only supposed to know the bad bitch side of me.”

“You can still be a bad bitch even if you cry every now and then,” Jimin shrugs as if it’s obvious. “If you’re done crying, can we go for lunch? I’m starving.”

*

You make Jimin buy you some meat and you wolf it down in front of him as if you really were eating for two. To his benefit, Jimin says nothing and only takes out his wallet when it’s time to pay.

On the way back to the office, feeling decently satisfied and absolutely sure that you have a tiny little food baby (with today’s dress being particularly unforgiving around the midsection), you can’t help but feel a little bit better. Maybe Park Jimin isn’t so bad after all.

“______? Oh my god, ______? Is that you?” A far off voice calls, and you turn back.

And you wish you hadn’t.

Min Yoongi comes striding towards you with a huge grin on his face, waving as if he can’t believe it’s really you.

“Shit shit shit,” you swear under your breath. How much unluckier can this day get?

Jimin looks at you quizzically.

“It’s my bastard ex who cheated on me by getting another girl pregnant,” you whisper to him by way of explanation. “They got married last month but I never responded to their invitation.”

“Oh,” Jimin says, immediately grasping the situation. “I got it. Don’t worry.”

“What?” You look at him in panic, seeing the expression on his face and not liking it one bit. “What are you gonna-“

But it’s too late now for any further conversation, since Min Yoongi is now in earshot. He grins again as he looks you up and down. “_____! What a surprise! Do you work around here?”

“Y-yeah, what a surprise too,” you say weakly.

“I haven’t seen you in ages!” Yoongi’s eyes dart to Jimin standing beside you for a moment, before they fall to your midsection. “But might as well. I wanted to congratulate you on the baby, because what a coincidence, right?”

He hands you a beautifully embossed invitation card with the words ‘Baby Shower’ on it, and you can feel your face draining of all colour. You swear under your breath.

“Oh! And this must be… the father-to-be?” Yoongi somehow doesn’t pick up on the escalating horror on your face, because he turns to Jimin and extends a hand of congratulations. “Congrats, man! How’s it feel? Excited to become a dad?”

Jimin sneaks a quick peek at your horrified expression. “Y-yes! Absolutely…. Um, thrilled, we are.”

At Jimin’s confirmation, Yoongi’s face seems to fall a little, and seeing it makes your heart clench in vindication. Serves that cheating little bastard right.

“I didn’t know you were seeing anyone, ______... let alone serious enough to… have a baby and all that,” Yoongi’s voice mellows a little as he directs his gaze back to you. “I thought you didn’t want to have children… for a while, at least.”

You detect a little bit of regret in Yoongi’s voice, and maybe a little bit of something you can’t quite put your finger on right now. In your five-year long relationship with him, Yoongi always made it clear that he wanted to have children as soon as possible. It was one of the major roadblocks in your relationship, and eventually it became the tipping point that drove him into the arms of another woman who was desperate enough to pop out his babies for him.

Wait a minute. It almost sounds as if Min Yoongi is trying to blame you for making him cheat. All of a sudden, you want to show him how you’ve been living all these months. Completely fine and happy without him. Better off, even. You want to make this cheating bastard realise that you’re not pathetic. You open your mouth in indignation, but before you can say anything, you hear Jimin’s voice.

“It all happened so fast, really,” Jimin shrugs as if it’s no big deal. “When I saw her I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, and you know how life is… We aren’t getting any younger either, so we thought why not try for a baby while we’re at it? She’s perfect for me, and we’re very happy together.”

Jimin does it better than you ever would have been able to. His words are so smooth that even you are convinced that the two of you are in a stable relationship together. Glancing at him, Jimin looks so self-assured and confident that he puts Min Yoongi to shame.

Min Yoongi looks shell shocked. “R-right. Th-that’s really nice, I’m ha-happy for you guys. Congratulations again.”  

You have no idea how Jimin is making all of this up, but the look on Min Yoongi’s face is enough. It almost makes up for when you found out about the breakup through the pre-wedding invitations he sent you.

“But we- we haven’t really told anyone yet, so how did you find out?” A frown creases your brow as you mentally run through a list of people who know about this pseudo pregnancy. The whole company, for one. Jimin’s Granny. Jimin’s family. And now Min Yoongi. But the question is, who told Min Yoongi? It’s not like he has any links with Jimin’s family.

“I mean… I saw the bump,” Yoongi scratches the back of his neck as his eyes drop briefly to your waist. “And um… I know you blocked me on social media a while ago. But I just wanted to check in on you and see how you’re doing. And I saw someone post on Jimin’s wall about the baby. So I kind of put two and two together.”  

There’s an awkward silence as your hands immediately fold over your waist, your cheeks heating up self-consciously. You can feel Jimin struggle not to burst into laughter beside you, and you surreptitiously elbow him hard in the ribs.

“Anyway, um… I hope you’ll come to the shower,” Yoongi nods at the invitation again. “It’s on Sunday, and feel free to bring Jimin too. I uh… invited your mom too. I mean, it’s just… Your family wanted to know how Yeji and I were getting along with the baby and… we were so close so I figured…”

At this point the humiliation can’t get any worse. So you decide to just cut him off with a formal smile that you hope doesn’t look too forced.

“We’ll be there, Yoongi. See you.”

*

It’s fine. It’s all fine. Even if Min Yoongi knows, it’s all fine. You can just attend this baby shower, just show your face for about an hour or so and then disappear from his life altogether. And then he won’t even know that you didn’t have a baby.

The very definition of co-workers means that you only see each other on weekdays from 9am to 6pm. But if that’s true, then somehow along the way, you and Jimin had progressed far beyond the point of just being co-workers, to the point that you’re somehow spending half of your weekend with him.

You sigh to yourself as you watch all your friends’ kids run about screaming at the top of your lungs. You’re already beginning to get a headache from all these irritating little gremlins making so much noise. At least you’re not being asked to play with or look after any of the children. Seeing that you and Yoongi had dated for a substantial amount of time, most of the attendees at this baby shower are your mutual friends, and it’s awkward to say the least.

At least you have Park Jimin with you to be your pretend boyfriend slash husband so you won’t seem like the pathetic ex-girlfriend attending her cheater ex-boyfriend’s baby shower for his new wife. So far there haven’t been any difficult questions, just curious looks from your friends whom you haven’t seen in a really long time because you’re just so tied up with work.

“Hey babe, come here! This is really fun,” Jimin shouts to you from one of the game stations, and you have no choice but to stop sulking in the corner like an evil brooding witch.

(One of your friend’s kids had pointed an accusing finger at you the moment you arrived at the shower with a not so thrilled expression on your face.

“Mama, why is the evil witch wearing yellow, mama? Is she here to curse Sleeping Beauty?”)

“This is really fun,” Jimin says again as he pulls the blindfold off with a grin on his face. “Pin the diaper on the baby poo.”

He points to a target board with a questionable looking substance smeared all over the centre of it. The person next in line is blindfolded and trying to pin the diaper in the centre of the board, and there are disappointed yells when he misses.

To his credit, Jimin really does look as if he’s having fun. He’s been the only person to score a point at this game, and he’s acing all the other games: guess the baby food, pin the sperm on the egg, etc etc.

“I’m notpinning the diaper on the baby poo,” you frown at him. Who the hell comes up with these games? “Is there any wine here? God, I need a drink.”

Before you can wander away, Jimin grasps your elbow. “You can’t drink,” he says with a serious, chiding look on his face. “You’re pregnant.”

“No one here knows that, do they?” You roll your eyes at him and sidestep a screaming toddler who is barrelling down the walkway. For someone who was present at the time of conception of this scheme, Park Jimin really is taking this way too seriously.

Jimin sighs and follows you to the beverages table in defeat. If he can’t stop you from drinking, the least he can do is hold up his jacket around you to make sure you don’t get caught. But then, a very rounded, glowing looking pregnant woman suddenly accosts you, and by the look on your face, Jimin surmises that this can only be Yeji, the woman Yoongi cheated on you with.

“Ye-Yeji, you look… um… wonderful!” Your strangled voice gets lost as Yeji envelopes you in a huge hug, forcing you to squeeze up against her bump. “Congratulations!”

The mother-to-be is all smiles, her makeup is perfectly done and there is an ever present glow on her face. She looks like an absolute goddess in her flowy white dress and wavy hair, and its moments like this that remind you that Yoongi left you for someone better.

“I feel wonderful, thank you!” She places a hand on her protruding belly. “Oh, I was just chatting with your mother over here, you haven’t said hi to her have you? She’s been complaining to me that you don’t have time for her anymore!”

Fuck. Your mother. You’ve been avoiding her calls and messages for the past few months, and you give her a weak smile as she comes over with a dark look on her face. It’s not that you’re doing this on purpose, it’s just that the breakup with Yoongi was beyond messy. Everyone’s parents are naturally on their side after a breakup, but somehow your parents remained on Yoongi’s. Every call would be about Yeji’s pregnancy, how their baby room was progressing, how many kicks she felt in a day, all those needless details that only felt like repeated stabs to the heart when you were trying to heal and get on with your life.

“…I’m so glad you could come. When Yoongi told me the news, I was so excited I thought my water was going to break!” Yeji is gesturing excitedly as she gushes to your mother, and you freeze in panic.

She couldn’t have…

“_____, I can’t believe you’re pregnant too!”

Her exclamation has a few of your friends nearby turning around, and a few of them start to clap. Yoongi elbows his way through the crowd, his hair matted with sweat as he pants with exertion.

“Baby, you were supposed to wait for my cue!” He admonishes his wife with a slight frown, but then he kisses her lips when Yeji pouts.

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t wait! It’s all just so exciting, I can’t believe _____ is going to have a baby too! I remember feeling so guilty in my first few months of pregnancy that I could barely sleep…”

“I know, I know, baby,” Yoongi shushes her with a kiss to her forehead. “Anyway, _____ and Jimin, we uh… we prepared something for you. We hope you like it, and uh… _____, I hope it can make up for all the shit I put you through in the past year.”

At this point, you don’t even dare to look at your mother. “Wh-what did you prepare?”

“It’s over there! In front of the photowall,” Yeji claps in excitement. “Go on! Everyone’s waiting!”

Everyone at the party clears a path for you and Jimin to make your way to the colourfully decorated photowall at the front of the party. On the floor in front of it sits a brown cardboard box.

With all eyes on you, you swallow hard and start to make your way to the photowall. Jimin follows behind you, whispering under his breath. “What the fuck is this?”

“Probably another lame party game or something… just play along,” you whisper back, your mind too preoccupied with thinking about how you’re going to explain your pseudo pregnancy to your mother. Knowing her disposition, it’s entirely possible that your father knows about it already, and maybe even your entire extended family, and… oh god-

The moment you step in front of the photowall, someone standing to the side of the box pulls something, and an explosion of balloons and streamers burst from the box. You are quite literally showered in confetti, and when you look up, there are four balloons spelling out the word ‘baby’, and another balloon with ‘congratulations’ on it.

“Congratulations on your baby!!!!” Someone shouts, and people are taking out their phones to take pictures of you and Jimin drenched in confetti. Someone claps, and soon, the entire party is clapping. There are hoots of congratulations, someone proposes a toast, your college friends are almost in tears, your sister is loudly announcing that this should go on Instagram, your mother is half crying and half glowering at you for not telling her sooner, and everyone is talking about you and your non-existent baby.

Beside you, Jimin is equally stunned, but unlike you, he isn’t at a loss for words. He pulls you in close, pretending to pose for the cameras with a jovial smile on his face.

He still has the gall to joke around as he says, “maybe we should have that baby after all.”

In the blink of an eye, things just got very, very out of hand.

*

Number of people who know about pregnancy

Whole company: (estimated 200 people)

Jimin’s Granny

Jimin’s family

Min Yoongi and wife

Attendees of Yoongi’s baby shower (estimated 50 people)

Your family

Total: 265 people

*

[retrosmeme]

                𝐓𝐄𝐗𝐓 𝐅𝐑𝐎𝐌 𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐓 𝐍𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 / 𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐒                                 includes   ships  ,  angst  ,  humor  and  some  nsfw. 

“  i wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.  ” “  oh the joys of a negative pregnancy test.  ” “  i used to want you to marry him.  ” “  i just think you deserve a bigger penis than that. ”  “  that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one i wasn't dating.  ” “  these business classes have improved my drug business ten fold.  ” “  we should paint friendship bongs.  ” “  the everclear bottle is suspiciously low.  ” “  i am a clusterfuck of fun.  ” “  you're like a bad decision making factory.  ” “  i'm still in shock, but your dick helped.  ” “  i'm removing my uterus.  ” “  my condolences to your vagina.  ” “  don't do acid and go to disney on ice.  ” “  how was your tequila?   ” “  are you making bad decisions yet?  ” “  should i be irritated , or flattered?  ” “  bongs and porn. i found the promised land.  ” “  you're gonna have to shave first from now on.  ” “  going commando on a monday morning is a bold move.  ” “  i have a type and you're not it.  ” “  what the fuck are we drinking?  ” “  why are you rhyming?  ” “  i feel like i haven't slapped your ass in years.  ” “  last night was fun , but it wasn't right.  ” “  let's do something tonight. i feel like setting things on fire.  ” “  there are footprints all over my windshield.  ” “  i'm sorry i pressured you for dick pics.  ” “  i left my bra and sneakers in your room.  ” “  i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts.  ” “  thank you for always being there for me.  ” “  i buy too many watermelons when i'm drunk.  ” “  what use do you have for dignity?  ” “  no , i come stoned to this class every week.  ” “  can't one of your roomates drive you?  ” “  seriously , i don't trust you.  ” “  you kind of suck and not in the fun way.  ” “  i would offer you moral support , but i have questionable morals.  ” “  you're an asshole.  ” “  sleeping beauty awakes.  ” “  you'll be home before midnight cinderella.  ” “  okay , prove you're not drunk to me.  ” “  it was a one time thing.  ” “  thanks it was an honor just to be nominated.  ” “  kinda getting a major gay vibe from you right now.  ” “  stop staring at my boobs , i can't concentrate.  ” “  here's the thing. i'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.  ” “  this house was built for laser tag.  ” “  the police scanner was talking about you again.  ” “  you can microwave pop tarts?  ” “  are you in or are you in?  ” “  it's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.  ” “  on a scale of one to america , how free are you this weekend?  ” “  we're having pizza delivered to the emergency room.  ” “  you love me.  ” “  forecast for tonight is alcohol , low standards and poor decisions.  ” “  i have your wallet. trade you for the tacos.  ” “  how does that even get suggested?!  ” “  you are the best fuck buddy i could have.  ” “  let's not get feelings and morals involved.  ” “  nobody is perfect.  ” “  this beer is not sobering me up at all.  ” “  a ham sandwich would be nice.  ” “  can we take a second to high five on our sex life? i love us.  ” “  why is there a ___ in my shower?  ” “  do you want to make me hamburgers?  ” “  sometimes , i worry for your future.  ” “  i feel like i owe you something.  ” “  i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities.  ” “  i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.  ” “  so , finals studying is going well?  ” “  i wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude.  ” “  let's go to mexico. arrrriba !  ” “  i made us dinosaur chicken nuggets.   ” “  i'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they'd die in the food chain.  ” “  on a scale from 1, to can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging , how hungover are you?  ”

[natasha-cole]

#1 Crush: Part 8

Chapter Summary: After convincing herself that she’s reading too much into the events happening, another convention weekend starts off even more concerning. More flowers and strange notes pop up; only this time, Reader is freaked out now that the people around her seem to be concerned.

Word Count: 3651

Warnings: fluff, angst, unwanted gifts, arguing, swears?

Notes:

Series Masterlist

Your quiet and amazing week with Rob back home didn’t last long enough. Before the two of you could pull yourselves out from your romantic week together, it was already another convention weekend. You were grateful that you at least got to work together. It would be less difficult to get back to work knowing that he would still be there with you.

Almost as quickly as you had forgotten about the things that had been going on during con weekends, you were just as quickly reminded of them when the first day of the Nashville convention started.

There was something about being at work that turned you into a social media maven. You had basically ignored everything during the last week that you spent with Rob, and now you were right back to keeping your face buried in your phone just to see what was going on on your accounts.

Of course, the first things you came across were more of the weird online messages that had creeped you out before.

You were sitting in the green room, reading through things and asking yourself why anyone would want to devote so much of their time talking about you on the internet. This time, you were talking yourself down though, reminding yourself that you were making a big deal out of nothing. At least, that’s what everyone else here would tell you. They definitely understood fandom more than you did, so you just continued to tell yourself none of it was a big deal.

As you turned off your phone and set it down, you breathed in heavily as the memories of those damn flowers popped up in your mind. Again, they were just flowers. Rob said so himself. It wasn’t anything to be weirded out by. Still, you couldn’t help but be uncomfortable by the thought.

Luckily though, that first day went on without a hitch. There hadn’t been any gifts… your handler seemed to have found his place finally… and you had fun for the first time in a long time at one of these.

~*~*~*~

On day two, it was more of the same. The morning went seamlessly, and you actually found a long break in between some of your events. You took the opportunity to head back to your room for some quiet time alone. Rob was busy anyway, so you wouldn’t be able to spend time with him, and occasionally you just needed alone time.

Although you had pushed the things that had been bothering you out of your mind, of course it would only take this one moment alone to remind you of what had been happening.

The flowers and the messages on social media were enough to have you on edge as it was, the fact that that you had just stepped into your room and noticed a folded up piece of paper on the hotel room floor only helped to amplify your anxiety this weekend.

You hesitated, not even sure if you wanted to know what it was. After a moment of considering, you shook your head and chuckled to yourself. You were being paranoid. This was easily just a piece of paper that you had dropped earlier. It was probably a receipt or something, so you bent down to retrieve it.

You noticed your name written on it and you fumbled with it in your hand before you could bring yourself to open it.

There it was. Yet another message left for you that left you without any indication on who it was from or why they had left it for you.

‘I’ll see you soon,’ was all it said, followed by a sloppy heart drawn on it.

You told yourself that perhaps Rob had slipped it under your door, but you knew better. This wasn’t even his handwriting. Still, you didn’t want to freak yourself out more, so you discarded the note on your dresser, trying to ignore it.

You no longer felt the need to be alone. You hesitated at your door, eyeing the piece of paper for a long time before leaving your room. Maybe it would be best just to keep yourself surrounded by people that you knew today.

When you arrived back at the convention area, Everyone was surprised to see you so soon. Rob, who appeared to be having a short break in between introducing panels, smiled at you; Misha, Kim, Adam, and Dane also noticed you when you arrived.

“Everything okay?” Dane asked as you walked into the room and toss your bag down.

“I’m fine,” you replied. “Just- didn’t want to be alone after all I guess.”

“Oh, okay. Hey, someone left those for you,” he said, pointing to one of the tables.

Your heart dropped when you saw them.

“You sure do get a lot of flowers,” he mumbled.

“I thought I made it clear that I don't want gifts,” you growled.

“Wow, I didn't realize that you were at this status.”

You turned quickly to face whoever had said that, coming face to face with Misha who was only staring at you with a scowl.

“Excuse me?”

“The whole, refusing gifts from fans thing… that's stuck up celebrity status. Not a good look for you.”

“I am not stuck up,” you argued.

“Maybe you should see who they're from before you go all diva on everyone.”

“No,” you said simply. You felt your face heat up. Not out of embarrassment, but out of fear.

“At least read the card.”

“I don't want to read the card,” you choked out. “Because I know what is and isn't there. There's going to be some creepy message and no name.”

“You just assume…”

“Dude, this has happen a few times already,” Rob said, coming to your defense.

“What do you mean?” Misha asked.

“We did tell people that Y/N didn't want gifts delivered. We've been through this already.”

“Well, this could be from someone she knows…”

“It's not,” you insisted.

“Don't you want to know for sure?”

“Not really.”

“I'll read it,” Rob sighed as he grabbed the card and opened it.

He paused for an uncomfortable amount of time, his eyes scanning the card. You could tell that he was done reading it, but he couldn't bring himself to react. He looked worried, and angry at the same time.

“What?” you asked.

He glanced up at you with a look that you hadn't ever seen from him before.

“Y/N…” he breathed out. You noticed that his hand was shaking as he gripped onto the card.

“What is it?” you asked as you reached for the card. You didn't really want to read it, but you also wanted to know why he was reacting this way.

“Maybe we should call the police,” Rob continued.

As he spoke, your eyes were already scanning the message… ‘You will believe in me. And I will never be ignored.’

“Again with that damn song,” you muttered.

“Doesn’t matter if it’s just lines from a song,” Rob said. “It’s fucking creepy and no one should be sending you this crap.”

“I know,” you responded, feeling sort of pleased that at least he was now upset by this. “I’m super weirded out by it.”

“It’s not just weird anymore. This feels kind of threatening now.”

You glanced up at him, noting the look in his eyes. Now, he seemed concerned. Now, he seemed to be taking this all seriously.

“It’s not the worst that’s happened…” you began.

“What do you mean?”

“I didn’t want to say anything…”

“Y/N,” he said flatly. “Tell me. What happened?”

“I figured you slipped the note under my door,” you reasoned, hoping that you were right, but knowing that you were just hoping.

“I didn’t- I didn’t leave you a note. Ever. Was there a note in your room?”

“It was on the floor. Looked like someone just put it under the door is all.”

“And? What did it say?”

He sounded almost panicked now, urging you to tell him what you really didn’t want to tell anyone. For some reason, you were telling yourself that everything was fine, no matter how freaked out you were. Maybe everyone had been right all along in telling you that you were overreacting.

“‘I’ll see you soon.’”

“Who will see you soon? Who would even write that?”

“Again, no name.”

“Alright, we need to take this to the police,” Rob began, looking frustrated and worried as he pulled his phone out of his pocket.

“I hardly think that’s necessary,” you argued.

“Someone is being a creep, and it’s not okay.”

“I don’t even know who is doing all of this…”

“Exactly.”

“Rob, this is ridiculous,” you laughed, trying to ease the situation.

You certainly didn’t like all of this and you had been creeped out for some time, but you also didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. Everyone said so themselves, it was most likely just a fan who didn’t understand boundaries. Now, you were just upset that Rob was making a big deal out of something that he had insisted for so long wasn’t a big deal.

“Whoever it is, knows where your room is!” He shouted.

Everyone in the room pulled back at his sudden outburst, including you. He looked almost frantic as he tried to reason with you, and now you were upset that he was so upset.

“Maybe it was a mistake…” you whispered.

“This guy- whoever it is, knows where you sleep, Y/N,” he began, a bit more calm now. “I do not feel comfortable knowing that anyone knows where you’re staying. Especially when they’re crossing a line here.”

“I’m no expert,” Adam cut in. “But maybe you should listen to Rob and go to the police.”

“Hey, how about you let me handle this,” Rob spat.

“I’m just trying to help.”

“I don’t need your help. She’s my girlfriend. Let me handle this.”

“Well, okay,” Adam smirked. “Obviously you’re handling it really well. How long has this been going on anyway?”

“A few weeks,” you mumbled in return.

“Oh, well… it’s okay though. Obviously Rob has it under control.”

“Shut up,” Rob growled.

“No. Y/N is terrified right now and you’re just being an asshole.”

“I’m not terrified,” you argued. “Just annoyed.”

“You’re really not freaked out by this?” Rob asked.

“I was…” you explained. “But you all kept telling me that the gifts and messages were all just a part of this job.”

“They are,” Rob began. “They are to an extent. You’ve gotten flowers sent to you twice at the last convention, and again today. Every note gets creepier… but I draw the line at someone putting a note under your door.”

“It was just a note…” you argued.

“Y/N,” Adam added. “Really, I think it’s a good idea to listen to Rob this time.”

“No one one asked you!” Rob shouted.

Adam stared at Rob defiantly, obviously not amused by his continuous outbursts toward him.

“Can you just back off and let me take care of this?”

“You’re upsetting her,” Adam replied, nodding toward you.

Rob looked over at you to see if Adam was right. All you could do was try to pretend that all of this wasn’t upsetting you, but you knew your anxiety was too easy to read. Right now, Adam was right. It wasn’t so much all of the crap that had been going on as it was how panicked Rob seemed to be in this moment.

“I’m not meaning to upset you,” he said softly.

He reached out to you, pulling you in for an embrace when he realized you were, in fact, very upset.

“I’m just- you told me this was nothing…” you said. “And now you’re freaking out over it.”

“I shouldn’t have acted like it was nothing. I’m sorry.”

“You know who’s doing this?” Adam asked.

“You know, for someone who has nothing to do with anything, you sure do seem concerned,” Rob said, annoyed at the way Adam continued to press the issue.

“Of course I’m concerned. Y/N is my friend.”

Rob pulled back from you, letting out an unamused scoff at Adam’s words.

“Is there a problem?” Adam asked, voice raised as he began to get irritated with Rob’s attitude.

“How do we know it’s not you doing all of this?” Rob asked suddenly.

Adam pulled back in shock, staring Rob down as he waited for him to possibly take it back. Rob didn’t though. He just stood there, staring at Adam accusingly.

“You’re joking, right?”

“No, I’m not joking.”

“Why would I be doing all of this?”

“I don’t know. Maybe because you’re obsessed with her and you’re pissed because she’s mine.”

“Okay,” Adam said calmly as he stood, stepping in front of Rob as if to size him up. “I suggest that you choose your next words very carefully, because I’m damn close to smashing your face in.”

“Rob, stop it,” you cut in, trying to calm the situation.

You put yourself in between the two, feeling your heart race at the possibility that they could be fighting during a time like this.

“I’m just saying…” Rob continued. “It’s a little suspicious that this started happening right after I asked her out. Don’t pretend that you weren’t pissed.”

“You’re out of your mind,” Adam replied.

“Rob!” You shouted. “Stop it!”

You made a point of pushing him back, trying anything you could to ease the tension that had built. Luckily, Rob didn’t argue with you. He did however, continue to stare Adam down as you led him to a separate room to calm him.

Once you were in the adjacent room, you closed the door, leaving the others to recover from the bizarre argument that had broken out. You turned toward Rob, watching him as he tried to calm himself. He was shaking and visibly upset.

“Rob…” you said softly, shaking your head at him in disbelief.

“It could be Adam,” He shrugged.

“Stop it.”

“Think about it, he was going to ask you out but I beat him to it.”

“Oh god, you’re reaching now.”

“Am I?” He asked. “Because this shit started happening the moment you and I started seeing each other. He’s jealous.”

“He’s not jealous. We’re friends. He’s your friend. We laughed about it, Rob. He was only going to ask me out because he liked hanging out with me. He was happy for me that you finally made a move.”

“Well, he is an actor, so…”

“You really think that Adam is doing this?” You sighed. “You think that he’s the one sending me creepy notes?”

“It makes sense. He knows you. He knows where you are all the time, who you’re with. He has easy access to you.”

“So does everyone else working on the circuit,” you reminded him. “Who else are we going to blame, Rob? You think it could also be Rich? He’s really friendly.  Maybe it’s Stephen… he’s awfully quiet all the time. It could be Jensen… maybe he’s jealous because I kissed him once in a scene and now that you and I are together, he can’t stand it...”

“Stop it,” he said, rolling his eyes at you.

“What? You have all these thoughts about people responsible for this, maybe I do too. How do I know it’s not you?”

You bit your lip as you said it, fully aware that you were pushing it and being a jerk. But, he was being a jerk too and you couldn’t stop yourself.

“I mean, you always have a key to my room. We work together. It would be easier for you to leave me flowers and letters than it would be for anyone else.”

“Really?” He asked, offended. “You think I’m sending you these letters? You think I’m the creep?”

“No, I don’t think that,” you sighed, frustrated now by the entire situation and the fact that you and Rob were fighting. “Just like I don’t think that Adam is doing this. Just like I don't think my ex-boyfriend is doing this.”

“You had no problem blaming your handler though.”

“Okay,” you said as you rolled your eyes at him. “I’m done. I don’t want to do this. I was wrong okay? I blamed someone that I didn’t know because it made sense at the time. He creeped me out, okay?”

“I’m just saying, the poor kid was innocent. Seventy-five percent of the time, the stalker is someone you know well. It just- makes sense considering that this shit only happens when we’re working a convention.”

“And apparently twenty-five percent of the time, it's someone you don't know! Are we really talking about stalkers right now? This is ridiculous! I do not have a stalker.”

“Look, I'm sorry that I didn't make a big deal out of this when it started. But this is definitely stalker behavior.”

“You told me it was just a fan sending me gifts,” you said. You didn’t want to make him feel bad, but you did want to remind him that he had been the one to tell you to not worry about it.

“I know what I said, and I was wrong.”

“I don't have a stalker,” you reiterated.

“Maybe we need to let the police decide that.”

“I'm not going to the police with this. I just need people to stop delivering this crap to me. I don't need to see it.”

“I would feel better if we just went to them with the things that have been going on.”

“Rob, think about the jobs we have,” you began, now echoing his own words that he had basically said when all of this started. “We have fans. Sometimes they’re over-enthusiastic. Are you telling me that you’ve never had a fan maybe cross a line just a little bit?”

“No, I’m not saying that…”

“I just- really know that it’s not someone that I know. Please don’t accuse my ex or Adam. I know you want to blame someone, and I do too; but we don’t know who it is. We just don’t.”

“Fine,” he said sternly. “But, we’re going to find out. This needs to stop.”

“No,” you replied firmly. “This is not a thing for the police. All I need is for everyone working here to just know that I don’t want any more of these flowers or notes… I just need for that stuff to stop.”

“He knows where your room is…” he argued.

“No one is threatening me,” you responded. You tried to sound confident, even if you definitely felt that this was all very threatening.

“Y/N…”

“No. Please. Can you just do that for me? Make sure I don’t get any more of this stuff? I’m not taking this to the police, so please stop. No one is stalking me and no one is hurt. It’s just a fan that needs to back off.”

“Y/N…” he tried to argue again.

You had had enough. You held up a hand to cut him off.

“We’re not discussing it anymore.”

~*~*~*~

After you had somewhat alleviated the situation and convinced Rob that now he was overreacting; you sought out Adam to apologize. He had received the brunt of Rob’s unnecessary outburst, and you needed him to know that Rob hadn’t meant any of it and you certainly knew that he wasn’t doing any of this.

The green room was sparse, appearing as if most everyone had left the room after that terrible outburst from Rob. You only saw Adam sitting alone at a table; the table that once held that bouquet of roses that had somehow inexplicably disappeared now.

“Hey, I want to apologize for Rob…” you said as you approached him.

“Don’t do that.”

“He just- I don’t know… you’re not the only one’s he’s blamed.”

“I get it. He has no control over what’s happening. He needs to place the blame somewhere, and I happen to be an easy target.”

“I told him it’s not you. I know he knows that it’s not.”

“I’m not obsessed with you,” he replied with a soft smile. “I like you, yeah. But I promise I would never cross a line.”

“I know that, Adam.”

“Really though, if nothing else, you should at least listen to Rob about the whole, going to the police thing.”

“I just- don’t know if that’s necessary at this point.”

“It’s creepy,” he pointed out. “Might not seem threatening right now, but it’s not okay.”

“I don’t want to draw attention to myself,” you chuckled. “The last thing I want is for people to worry about me.”

“It’s a bit too late for that.”

“I’m sorry,” you mumbled. “Don’t worry about me. Apparently Rob is worried enough for all of us.”

“Is he going to the police?”

“Not if I can help it,” you smiled.

“Really? Y/N…” Adam shook his head at you, looking annoyed that you were ignoring the situation.

“I don’t have a stalker,” you said. At this point, you just kept saying it as if saying it out loud would make it true. Truthfully, you didn’t know what all of this was; and although you definitely felt that you could very well have a stalker, you certainly didn’t want to believe it.

“Well, whatever it is that you don’t or do have… know that you have a lot of people who care about you who won’t let anything happen to you.”

“You’re being dramatic,” you laughed. “You’re all being so dramatic.”

“A note under your door though…” he cringed. “And it’s been going on for weeks?”

“I’m pretty boring,” you chuckled. “No one’s gonna stay obsessed with me for very long.”

He gave you a look as if to challenge you on that thought.

“It’s fine,” you said, trying to convince yourself. “Everything’s fine. This’ll all blow over before you know it.”

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[dragonbadgerbooks]

About Ready Player One

In the year 2045, reality is an ugly place. The only time teenage Wade Watts really feels alive is when he's jacked into the virtual utopia known as the OASIS. Wade's devoted his life to studying the puzzles hidden within this world's digital confines, puzzles that are based on their creator's obsession with the pop culture of decades past and that promise massive power and fortune to whoever can unlock them. When Wade stumbles upon the first clue, he finds himself beset by players willing to kill to take this ultimate prize. The race is on, and if Wade's going to survive, he'll have to win—and confront the real world he's always been so desperate to escape.

Goodreads | Amazon

At this point, who hasn’t heard of Ready Player One? I remember seeing the book in stores and being intrigued by the premise, but never picking it up just because I had other books to read. Then, the movie was announced and it was suddenly all over Booklr, and not for good reasons. I finally borrowed it from the library as an ebook to decide for myself what it was about.

I’ll be honest, I did not go into this book with an open mind. I was absolutely prepared to hate it and wasn’t disappointed, although I did find the world building and idea of an interactive internet escape interesting. I probably would have enjoyed the book if it weren’t for the main character and if I didn’t feel like I was being talked down to.

Warning, spoilers to follow. You can check out my liveblog of the book over on my Instagram, geminidragonbadger

Wade Watts is insufferable.

He tries to be modest, but really just comes across as an unbearable know-it-all who thinks he’s better than everyone else while also thinking he’s unattractive. In the first quarter of the book, he laments that he wasn’t alive for the 80s, goes on and on about how much he knows about pop culture, talks about how his crush is “not like other girls,” and says that he can’t make friends because he’s a nerd. I almost stopped reading during the exposition just because of how terrible he is.  (As an aside, every generation seems to think that its childhood was a simpler time, something we should strive to go back to, but whether you were born in the 80s or the 50s, as a child, you were immune to all the bullshit going on in the world that didn’t effect you. We see our childhoods through rose colored glasses, but that doesn’t mean the 80s was this perfect, sin-free decade. ANYWAY.)

News flash, Wade, people don’t like you because you’re an asshole, not because you’re a nerd.

He has perhaps the bleakest outlook on life I have ever experienced in a work of fiction, blasts organized religion, but worships nerd culture. He also goes from being a newb in OASIS to being god-tier in the span of what seems like a few days (admittedly, he gets a lot of XP from finding first clue, but still. Gary Stu much?). And just all the references. The author does a terrible job of showing rather than telling, because he just compares everything to an 80s reference. Also, just the amount of time he gives to all these pop culture icons. He references having read certain books dozens of times, or watched certain movies hundreds of times, or played certain games hundreds of times and like. Who has the time? I need someone to have gone through and documented exactly how much time Wade spent watching Monty Python or reading the dozens of authors he name drops, which, I should mention, he has only picked up in the last five years since the game was announced. I mean, maybe that’s why he doesn’t have a girlfriend, not because he’s too awkward to actually talk to girls. And don’t get me started on the section about sex and masturbation. Entirely unnecessary and does nothing for the plot except tell certain types of fanboys that they’re right, that girls don’t have sex with them because they’re nerds, not because of their glaring personality flaws.

Also his Japanese characters. Oh man. Cringe-worthy and written like white people who know about Japanese culture through anime and manga. I was waiting for the reveal that the characters were not really Japanese, but no. They continued to say “honor” every other sentence and referenced suicide as “seppuku.” Y i k e s.

Again, though. I enjoyed the world. I loved the idea of going through video games and movies and everything in order to win the contest, especially with IOI on his tail trying to LITERALLY KILL PEOPLE. Some of the other characters were really interesting and I think the story could have been amazing if it was told through any other character’s POV *cough AECH cough* The action was on point, the villains were the perfect level of evil, and when Wade wasn’t allowed to be alone with his thoughts (or Art3mis), it was even fun to read. I can’t tell you the number of times I rolled my eyes though, or felt like Wade/the author were talking down to me with his gratuitous references. That tended to pull me out of the action and make it harder to read. It made me mad when that happened, too, because there were times that I was really into it, only to have Wade become awkward and painful to read.

I probably would never buy this book, but I can’t say that I totally regret reading it. I might even pick up Ready Player Two, which I’ve heard might be a thing.

Rating: ★★✩✩✩

[thesearebobsthoughts]

March 19, 2020

Do you remember what it was like before? I find it increasingly difficult, which is stunning, jaw agape, that sort of thing. There was a time before COVID-19 became the entire world, before it infected everything. Last week, even. Sort of. I can dimly recall watching some game on ESPN or TNT, wondering if it might be the last one for a while. Still going about routine tasks and checking tasks off various lists. Still worrying about all manner of things now somehow long forgotten. My mother. My blessed mother, reseraching like a fiend, as she does with every known malady. The articles and the shared messages dredged up from her own personal corner of the internet mounting in my inbox. Actually, no. Two weeks ago. Yes, two weeks ago is enough time travel to approximate normaiity. 

I wrote a story about the ridiculous bumbling basketball team I’ve rooted for since I was a small child. Back then, I cheered with all my heart, and wept when the large men I liked were traded away even though I could barely comprehend what was transpiring on the court. That story seemed important. It was published on the night of March 3, 15 days ago. Or a lifetime ago. I wrote it, quickly, in the offices of The Daily Beast, right after interviewing another ex-Knicks for a different article about his thriving marijuana concern. That too, will be published at some point and I’ll do all the dumb online “look at me!” gesticulating to hopefully garner some attention, or at perhaps give those that need it a brief respite from the constant deluge of casual and brutal horrors that keep washing over us, again and again. I liked the basketball player-turned-weed-merchant mini-profile. It feels like a relic from an ancient, long-since-gone civilization. 

I want, as best I can, to document what’s going on. To remember this moment, these days, this time, when (If?) we can let them go. So a knockoff Luke O’Neil Hell World blog. One that I won’t share with anyone. For now. 

I am scared. Saying it out loud (or in this case, writing it) is a way, I guess, to give myself permission to feel scared. I check my temperature and scan myself for any symptoms hour by hour, minute by minute. But here, too, I’m having trouble remembering how my body felt prior to... I guess Friday was when it hit home. When the narcisstic racist finally screwed on his best Taking Things Seriously face and put a brief stop to the cavalcade of lies. (For a hot minute, the man stemmed incessant airing of grievances on Monday—a cease-fire long enough to give blinkered cable news pundits a chance to applaud him for hurdling this still pathetically low bar. The bullshit and the refusal to accept any responsiblity picked right back up during Thursday’s presser, natch. 

But the point of writing this, if there is one, is to record what’s happening day-by-day or at least give myself a task that feels like a mental breath mint. A distraction. Something. So yes, then. Where was I? Right. I don’t think I’ve got it. I may have it. There’s a cramp in my right leg and so I quickly Googled “muscle cramps + coronavirus” and “fatigue + coronavirus” and “[anything else that was jangling around in my head] + coronavirus” and sure as shit, yeah. Maybe. Any one could be a symptom. Maybe not. Maybe this is all just pinging my latent hypochondria in the worst way possible and the worst time imaginable. My throat is dry and I was dehydrated yesterday. Also symptoms found on various lists and handy charts, none of which do squat unless you can get a hospital bed, and even then. But anyway, tired. Low fever. No real cough yet. My neighbor’s hacking has been rattling through the wall we share like clockwork for the past three days. She’s convinced that she’s fine, somehow. I was too scared to ask. To really delve into where this sense of confidence comes from. Like Heisenberg’s g-d principle, I can’t tell whether all the checking of my temp and double-checking of my overall physical state is making me notice things I wouldn’t have otherwise or if they’re just real. 

And the anxiety. Panic attacks. Not nearly as bad as the ones which crippled me, which sent me scurrying into school and home bathrooms, too terrified to move. Feeling, if I can accurately recall, like I was prone on the ground at the bottom of a foxhole with quasi-futuristic fighter jets blasting away overhead. Not at me, but certainly quite near to me, and somehow as long as I remained clenched in a fetal ball, my eye glued shut, not moving, ever still, I could generate a gossamer-thin bubble that would protect me from the barrage. So not that bad. But still, frightened of the unknown, of what’s still to come. Which may have led to the intermittent tightness of breath. Not difficulty breathing nor shortness of breath, mind you. A knot in my stomach that [checking] still hasn’t gone away this morning, after a night of fitful, intermittent sleep, no real apetite (!), and a window that cracked (nice passive tense, asshole) two days ago and is letting in gusts of cool air. Yesterday, I was terrified of someone entering the building who’d infect me. Today, I worry about poisoning him. 

I thought about the people waking up Thursday morning only to be inundadated by the viral video of celebrities belting out Lennon’s worst song—the one with the line about a world without possessions. The famous faces did so while standing in front of delightful fireplaces and manicured gardens, smiling, full of hope. Ha ha. How funny. Let’s all laugh and point at the tone-deaf beautiful people, all of whom can get tested without getting entangled in miles of bureaucratic red tape or ever having to devote one iota of worry over spending five figures on treatment. Singing. Well-intentioned, probably, like the wealthy pro athletes who are skipping ahead in the testing line. 

Remember when we could just dunk on a gaggle of silly actors/jocks for fun rather than it serving a necessary safety valve for the scores of too-online people cooped up in their homes? 

That was a full-time job for some people. Hell, if I’m being brutally honest, it was to a lesser degree my job. Dredging up some awfulness from the dreck canals of Online, raising it high in the air and harrumping, “look at this crap!” I can’t even ditch the ambient waves of anxiety enough to do the best version of that job—real reporting. lol. 

As I bang the keys this AM, I’m still tired. Partly I think because I kept waking up evvery two hours or so late last night, watching the celebs belt out a jaunty tune and whatnot, never really setttling into a decent stretch of good ol’ REM sleep. But then again, symptoms. They’re flitting about my every waking thought and all I want to do is get Karen on her flight so she doesn’t reconsider, or insist that she has to stay and take care of me. Not that I know for sure, and (for the moment) this doesn’t feel like a severe case, if it is one at all. Just a pile of clanging neurosis leaving me with the overpowering sensation that something has gone terribly wrong. 

For the moment I need to keep all this (mostly) to myself. Until Karen’s flight lands in Canada and she can fire off a job memo. Tomorrow, then. Or maybe when (if?) the symptoms abate enough that I can blurt this all out without freaking out mom. It’s now Thursday night. Seems like I’m not breathing as deeply as I was earlier in the day. I can’t tell, though, and it’s maddening. What’s that line from The Cocktail Party? Oh right:

I must tell you that I should really like to think there's something wrong with me. Because, if there isn't, then there's something wrong with the world itself, and that's much more frightening! 

[sidelpunchna-blog]

Online dating hard to get

Why is online dating so hard for men but easy for women? I consider myself average looking even though I have been on numerous occasions by a few women that I am good looking.  So stop spreading this feminist poison.  She seemed compelled to find out what vitriol I had spouted.  This form of dating makes me feel very vunerable for some reason.  Sure, sometimes you get annoying messages, but I just laugh it off as part of the game.

why do women play hard to get in online dating? its a reason your on here! Free Dating, Singles and Personals Fortunately there are a decent number of them also.  And note how few unsolicited approaches men receive and send out a few of your own.  So I have to disagree with you on that one. .  It's a game that why we love it.  There are enough assholes out there to screw over the entire population.

Why is Online Dating So Hard for Men? Pulling it out of the deck and revealing it at the right time is just plain old attractive.  She lures you into her game of playing hard to get because you will want to have more in the hopes that she will be kind to you this time and give you compliments.  Guys, this is one of my personal pet peeves.  I'm sorry but if you're hardly getting any answers at all, not even a miniscule amount of interest, you're not nearly as attractive looks or personality as you think you are.  Good luck and I hope your luck changes.  None of which makes him feel good about himself.

Internet dating: why is it so hard to find a normal, single bloke I fancy? This is how she keeps you in her sphere of control.  What you want to do is back off somewhat and take your time responding to messages.  If you want to attract great guys, include a few things that are unique about you in your profile for us to write to you about.  You talk, you dance, and you have fun.  So what are some basic rules to follow by, when exchanging text messages with someone you meet online? I've come across numbers as high as 30% where the people listed, for whatever reason, weren't actually available to meet - so this is a factor to take into account.  Playing hard to get is effective because of the uncertainty it creates with women.  The richer you are the most responses you will get.

New To Online Dating. Is She Playing Hard To Get? Playing hard to get is effective with women according to a study.  Listen to RuPaul: you want success in online dating? That is what you are looking for.  I find the online thing very entertaining.  Once you meet for a first date, there's no need to continue this approach otherwise the woman may assume you're not interested and move on to someone else.  Actually it is I created a fake girl profile online and got like a but load of replies from guys all over but hardly any from girls on my real profile and on the fake girl profile I hardly filed out a word on there.  Coming across like a 12 year old is not an attractive quality in adults.  As she was asking me these questions, I was realizing that I had never thought of the answers in any detail before.

How to Play Hard to Get. Do it Right! Our subconscious is probably telling us that if your prospective partner is willing to put in the hard work, then they are probably in for the long haul.  Even then guys see you in club and will go to every woman they see and say you are gay, a stalker, say you are sick, broke, anti-social, call you weird, and on and on.  Women have massive sexual and social power and they just dominate us with it, leaving us to fight and work and scramble and hope to be noticed.  He might earn one short kiss by the end of the date, but he still has to get to know you as a lady and a person of depth before things go too far.  If you are planning on walking the walk and talking the talk with playing hard to get, do it with class.

Online Dating is Hard Work if You're Doing It Right It is a very useful thing indeed! Never put your eggs in one basket, expecting a response from the person who seems like a perfect match for you.  It has since become an exercise in ensuring women get whatever they want.  They always had some kind of statement letting the world know that they had been burned in the past, basically making them look insecure.  My goal became lighting a fire under his ass.  Click on the different category headings to find out more.  People who played hard to get landed the date or relationship over those who made it too easy. When I was on dating sites I would typically get 7-10 messages a day, when I changed something around it would jump to about 20.

Internet dating: why is it so hard to find a normal, single bloke I fancy? You never know where your next text could lead! Well, as most of you have guessed, my games backfired and he told me he did not want to date a woman who was always online seeking other men.  We can meet someone on Tinder.  Yes it is tempting, but don't do it.  I feel women and girls have more success in meeting guys than guys do meeting girls simply because they needy, scandalous, desperate for attention, and slutty.  I want to see and hear and connect to what is under that surface level meaningless social rubbish that tells me nothing about who they are.

Is Online Dating Different for Men and Women? Online dating is just one of the ways to meet women, however it doesn't suit everyone.  Some men care very much what you say.  Not all women are attractive to older guys old enough to be their great-grandfather.  It seems that the dating world is full of guys being overly cool and girls being uncommonly cold.  Someone who is uninterested will just leave you hanging.

The 6 Ugly Truths of Online Dating I'm speaking for all women I'm just saying majority of you need to lighten up and stop been so damn pickey may be if you were more opended they you will find your perfect match end of story.  I doubt you would contact a woman you didn't think was attractive right? We dated for a month and were hot and heavy quickly.  Make online dating work for you by focusing on what matters to you in your life, and use that to find likeminded people.  I expect the man who made it to show the same care and devotion in every aspect of his life.  So again I think online is brilliant, an incredible way to meet each other if people showed up authentically and healthy and ready for a relationship.  It's really more that women don't take risks in this area, and men are expected to take all the risks and suck on all the rejection.  A study published in Psychological Science found a woman will be more attracted to you when she's uncertain about how much you like her.

[furederiko]

I wanted to post this on an earlier date, but my internet has been acting up as usual. Anyway... here's the first Random-News-Digest of April!

Disney Live Action

Following Eva Green, Danny DeVito, and Colin Farrell, another actor has been courted (in talks, not officially cast) by Tim Burton to join his "Dumbo" adaptation. And just like DeVito, this time it's another "Batman" reunion in form of the Batman himself, Michael Keaton. I guess now we only need Michelle Pfeiffer to turn it into a full on unofficial reunion, huh?

Keaton, who will soon be seen showcasing his antagonistic persona as Spider-Man's villain in July, is said to be offered yet another antagonistic role for "Dumbo". Namely, "an asshole circus owner with a taste for exploiting elephants". Looks like, he might the one who will be playing Vandemere after all, and not Farrell as I've previously speculated. For now, there isn't any official announcement surrounding the movie, so we'll have to wait and see whether any of these actors would sign up or not.

As for "Mulan", looks like it will contain songs after all. Niki Caro talked to Cinema Blend, and stated that "The live-action is based on that inspirational Chinese ballad and on the animated Disney classic. We're still exploring the role that music's going to play in it, but for sure there will be music.". Caro cautioned though, that the project is "very much a fluid project" for the time being, so we won't be hearing any specific details about it soon. Especially because she's currently busy promoting "The Zookeeper's Wife". Her desire is to make sure that the culture of the movie and character will be reflected appropriately. Let's just hope that it will end up becoming a musical like "Beauty and the Beast", because well, if it's not, then I'll probably go back and re-watch the animated original instead. It just wouldn't feel the same without the iconic songs, right? It would just another Mulan adaptation, like those many others that have come before this. After all, one doesn't need a "Reflection" to know that, the animated version was already "A Girl Worth Fighting For"... ;D

Disney Animation

"Wreck-It Ralph" was a special animated movie for me, because it combined the magic of Disney with the charm of classic 8-bit video games. After his adventure with Vanellope von Schweetz ended in the first movie, it seems Wreck-It Ralph was poised for a happy ending. But he will soon be taking on something bigger than just the arcade where he lives in. That's because during CinemaCon, the House of Mouse officially announced that the sequel is now titled "Ralph Breaks the Internet: Wreck-It Ralph 2". The movie has also been given an official release date of March 9th, 2018. Which is less than a year away!

The 'Internet' bit shouldn't sound that much surprising, since the already revealed concept art has shown the two lead characters walking through spoofed names or icons of various popular websites and/or apps. The synopsis offically said, that Ralph, and possibly Vanellope will be lost in the Internet Data Space when a WiFi router gets plugged in. I think it's very likely that Ralph's game might end up becoming an app or some sort at the ending of this sequel. Perhaps even becoming a worldwide popular one. If that actually happens, don't forget, you've heard it here first, okay! LOL. John C. Reilly and Sarah Silverman are returning to voice Ralph and Vanellope, alongside Jane Lynch and Jack McBrayer who will be reprising their roles as Sergeant Calhount and her legal husband Fix-It Felix, Jr. Other confirmed cast include Jodi Benson, James Corden, Ana Ortiz, and also Alan Tudyk, with roles unknown for the time being. Tudyk used to play the antagonist in the first movie, but might be voicing a totally different character this time. Since he has become a regular voice actor for Disney Animation, taking part in all recent releases so far (even in form of a dumb rooster). I'm crossing my fingers that the sequel will be as fun and heartfelt, if not even better than the first.

Death Note

Hollywood's adaptation of "Ghost in the Shell" had unfortunately underperformed at the box office. Thanks to that, Paramount shifts the blame towards the critics for being more concerned about the movie's whitewashing controversy, rather than other aspects of the movie. To be honest though, while I haven't seen the movie myself, I've heard what the primary issue is all about. Admittedly, the way this version's story chose to tell the origin of the Major, felt more than just giving finger to the particular issue. It somehow didn't learn to avoid it, and instead ATTRACTED the exact criticism instead. In doing so, I doubt even Mamoru Oshii's approval could rescue the movie now.

Problem is, the same whitewashing issue has begun to migrate towards another title. This time, it's about adaptation for another Japanese story. You already know what category this is being talk about, so yes, it's "Death Note". In this case, because the main character Light Yagami has been renamed into Light Turner, and is played with a white actor in Nat Wolff. An adjustment the creators made, having the setting relocated to Seattle, Washington in this version.

If you ask me, this kind of criticsm is a bit bullish and exaggerated. A totally different situation to "Ghost in the Shell". I mean, like several horror movies like 'The Ring" or "The Grudge", stories like "Death Note" has more flexible ability to be told in a universal way. So forcing Asian American for the role doesn't sound justified, and felt more like a political agenda. If you look at it from business point of view, would the american adaptation work better if they use Asian-American actor as the lead? I don't think that's the case. Beside, it's more than just about Wolff, because apparently there are criticism aimed towards African-American actor Keith Stanfield, who will be portraying Light's foe, the elusive L. Those who are already familiar with the source material should understand that Light is the true 'bad guy', while L is in fact the 'good guy'. Now I can't help but wonder why Stanfield is even criticised for playing a protagonist, then. I mean, imagine a louder criticism should a white American fill that part instead. Should an Asian-American plays L as well? That would be selfish if you ask me, because once again, the character L is not bound for a certain race. Oh well, here's hoping "Death Note" will have a better luck than "Ghost in the Shell". Or those other adaptations for Japanese stories that Hollywood has attempted in the past. As I said, the two movies are a whole different scenario, and it wouldn't be fair to judge one using a similar parameter...

DC Films

Joss Whedon is writing and directing "Batgirl" for Warner Bros? The same guy who was previously turned down when he submitted a draft for "Wonder Woman"? WOW! Yup, that's the news that has been taking the world by storm since last week. Look at how the mighty (talking about WB of course) has fallen. Also, look at all those so-called 'devoted DC' fans who bashed Whedon for his critically and financially acclaimed "The Avengers". Who are now speechless to read that WB is now asking the help of the guy they hated the most. This heavily proved that WB is definitely course-correcting their DCEU or whatever it is you want to call it. It's even better news to know that they are humble enough to start looking outside of their studio's regulars. Key to creating something amazing, is by trusting it to the right person, not just someone who's available on their camp. Moreso, taking someone who used to work for their competitor, is a huge humble step as well. A sign of change. A smart one at that, due to Whedon's style of storytelling.

Eventhough it's said to be in final stages, deal is not set just yet. So things can still turn for the worse. I do however wish that the two sides will come into agreement. In fact, I think WB should just hire Whedon to be the creative consultant for the whole DCEU, and kick Zack Snyder, David Goyer, and others alongside their dark gritty tone far far away to oblivion. Forget "The Justice League", "Batgirl" is the movie everyone should be waiting for! The one that might inspired hope, optimism, and heroics, instead of angst and darkness. Now if they can get another great director for "Nightwing", I might just be really excited for the DC Films. Something I've been waiting to say for suuuuch a long time.

But Whedon's not the only one making news last week. James Wan and his lead actor Jason Momoa, as well as other cast and directors like Patty Jenkins took part on WB's presentation at CinemaCon on March 30th. And well, they've made some news about their respective movies. Wan delivered a reel of production art for "Aquaman", and succeeded in getting positive response from attendees. According to reports, Atlantis looked promising, and surrounded itself with massive sea creatures that was inline with a 'swashbuckling adventure' Wan had promised. This catapulted the movie to sit among Variety's top 5 Buzzmeter of the event. While her movie only made it real close to the same Top 10, Jenkins delivered new footage for "Wonder Woman" that received positive reaction from the same crowd too. Response for "The Justice League" footage might be the least positive of them all, as Variety even noted that the movie still felt "like a joyless affair" despite being filled with humor. No news surrounding "The Batman", and even Christopher Nolan refused to talk about it. LOL.

Does this mean "Aquaman" might be the surprise hit that WB and DC is waiting for? Will the tepid response for "The Justice League" translate into similar mediocre box office projection? We all need to remember, that movies like "Man of Steel" to "Suicide Squad" did get positive word of mouth during its production phase, but ultimately ended up as divisive if not totally disappointing affairs. My point is, it's safe to say, that when it comes to DC Films, nothing can be 100% certain. So I guess we'll just have to wait and see how these movies perform...

SONY Marvel Universe

You must be thinking, didn't I used the term "Spider-Man Universe" for this same category before? That's true, but starting with this one, I've officially changed it into "SONY Marvel Universe". Why? Because highly likely it won't even have a Spider-Man in it. So it would be wrong to call it so. And it's not just because Tom Holland's Spider-Man would be existing in an entirely separate universe, or that this one will not take place in that particular Marvel universe. But because SONY's specific universe might get a different rating as well. At the very least, "Venom" will not be a PG-13 movie, but an R-rated one.

I wonder if SONY is inspired by FOX and their R-rated superhero movies for this decision? I just hope that they are not getting the wrong message about FOX's success, though. I mean, sure, Venom has the potential for a gruesome and violent R-rated movie. But I also feel that the character would also work nicely in a PG-13 setting, and will obviously appeal to much bigger audience. So why bother going R-rated with one, right? Anyway, right now, Dante Harper of "Alien: Covenant" is writing the movie, and Avi Arad and Matt Tolmach are producing. The real challenge, is working with the character's origin story in a Spider-Man-less universe. After all, Venom practically copied most of its appearance and powersets from a Spider-Man, so a universe without the friendly neighbourhood spider would be odd. If SONY can nail that issue, then perhaps the movie's going to work...

Universal Monster Shared Universe

Universal has released the 2nd official trailer for "The Mummy". This one was... okay, I'll be honest, I haven't seen it yet. And it's intentional, because I already have enough curiousity for this movie, that I would definitely check it anyway. Mainly because of Russell Crowe though, because I'm completely eager to see him becoming Mr Hyde. According to Birth.Movies.Death, this trailer was confusing to understand. Which can be a good thing, because it's meant to catch people off guard. Anyway, the movie will arrive very soon, as the start of many other Monster movies to come. I won't be checking them all, but if Tom Cruise can somehow convince me with this first movie, I might end up seeing the rest as well. Hollywood do need a good and working Cinematic Universe after Marvel's, right?

Conjuring Shared Universe

Wait... WHAT? I just realized that the Annabelle movie, has been branded as part of "Conjuring Shared Universe"! I didn't even know that a horror franchise can have its own Shared Universe, nor that the studio has been planning for one. I mean, does it even make sense? LOL.

Putting that issue aside, the first official trailer for "Annabelle: Creation" has hit the internet. And well, since I thought the first movie was rather weak and poorly written, I'm not too keen on this one too. As the title suggests, this movie will serve as a prequel or some sort to that first movie. One which unfortunately, is completely fictionized, as Birth.Movies.Death has pointed out with their research. Which is too bad, because turning it into fiction was what caused the first movie to be... well, disappointing. I honestly thought a prequel would adapt the true origin story of the real life cursed-doll, but I guess the director David F. Sandberg, and producers were too scared to even attempt such thing.

But you know what? The 'Shared Universe' thing is real. Because there's another spin-off movie in the works right now. "The Nun" (though that's just a title I made up tentatively for the sake of this essay), is the next in the "Conjuring" line. Focusing on the creepy nun character from "The Conjuring 2", this movie sounds like a prequel or some sort as well. Corin Hardy is set to direct the movie, and actor Demián Bichir has been cast to play a Priest. A priest who is sent from Rome to investigate the mysterious death of a nun. Probably the same nun who became a ghost, or another nun who has seen the ghost nun, and got... Okay that's confusing. We'll likely hear more about this project, because it has a Summer 2018 release date. Who knows, perhaps in 2019, it will team up with Annabelle to take on a powerful titan from space...

Hasbro Universe

Oookay, I've completely forgotten that we're getting this... uhm, Universe as well. You know, the one that will pit Hasbro's toylin... I mean franchises into one giant cohesive world. So we'll be seeing the gang of "M.A.S.K." meeting up with the "Transformers", or "ROM the Space Knight" bumping heads against the "G.I. Joe" members. And all kinds of those crossovers. So far, we've only seen "Transformers" being turned into its own universe though, with the upcoming "Transformer: The Last Knight" and that Bumblebee movie. So I'm not sure when this bigger idea, or dream will even come to fruition.

But it might happen soon. Why? Simon Waters, in charge of consumer product for Hasbro Studios, said to L.A. Times that there's going to be "a much more contemporary approach to the whole franchise, and that will allow us to develop different characters". What franchise was he talking about? "G.I. Joe"! You know, the one that starred Channing Tatum in its first movie, before he was seemingly killed off and replaced by Dwayne Johnson in the sequel. Does this mean we're getting a reboot soon? Hmmm... Waters' words sounded like shallow waters. I mean, why not go ahead with the existing one by revamping the next movie to fit a larger universe? That would be more convenient and effective. But let's give this a benefit of doubt, because a reboot might prove to be... better. Possibly...

Marvel Studios

And we've finally arrived on the last movie category, but also the first (or at least the first successful one) Cinematic Universe that inspired it all. And when I say all, I mean the 5 categories above this, without including other existing ones being openly/secretly planned out there! *sigh*. For now, nothing beats the Marvel Cinematic Universe. And that's probably why it has a loaded of fresh news almost every week!

Let's start with "Spider-Man: Homecoming"! Embargo for set visit reports have been lifted, and that's why we've got plenty of new and in some way rather spoilery information about the movie. But before we go there, go ahead and check out the 2nd official trailer that concluded those triple-posters release last week. Uhm... then again, perhaps abort that thought, because while it looked more fantastic and action-packed than the first, this particular trailer seemed to have shown a little TOO MUCH and might ruin your movie experience instead. This one felt similar to the case of "Beauty and the Beast", which included its entire (or mostly anyway) plot in one chronological sizzle reel! Unless the entire thing was a clever ruse, this wasn't something that Marvel Studios is known to do. So I can only assume SONY's pulling the strings on this one. But trust me, if you haven't seen it, it would be better if you don't. Because you might be startled to see Robert Downey Jr.'s Iron Man's major significance in it. As if he's the secondary lead character of the movie, and not just a random tech provider!

Sure, if we look at it optimistically, that means "Homecoming" is deeply rooted as important part of the MCU. But that might be a problem too, because we're not really sure how long the agreement between Marvel Studios and SONY will last. Particularly, when SONY seems intent to build their own separate universe using the Spider-Man characters. SONY's CinemaCon presentation only added more doubts and concerns about this fan-pleasing collaboration. After announcing that a sequel is already in the works, and will be part of the MCU, producer Amy Pascal mentioned that the future of the wall-crawler remains 'uncertain' afterwards. This statement had a negative impact, as many sites immediately began reporting that Tom Holland's Spider-Man will depart the MCU after "Homecoming". A certain gossip site even claimed SONY's new boss Tom Rothman is not pleased about this deal, due to the extra cost of having Gwyneth Paltrow's return as Pepper Potts. Truth is, Pascal did NOT state it that way. So it's just another classic case of quick assumption and misinterpretation, right? And rest assured, as noted and reasoned by Forbes, Holland WILL remain a part of the MCU for at least 3 more films in the future. At least until 2020. This include direct solo sequels to "Homecoming" (the next one is set to be out in 2019), as well as appearances in a Marvel Studios-produced movie. In fact, his involvement in the currently filming "Avengers: Infinity War", is already an extension of the initial contract between both Studios.

Now on to the set visit reports and random interviews with the cast and crew then! Holland talked to MTV (via Metro), and confirmed what Marvel Studios President Kevin Feige had mentioned before. That his new Spider-Man movies will be using the 'Harry Potter approach'. In case you forget, or doesn't understand what that's supposed to be, it means when we see his Peter Parker in the 2019 sequel, he'll be just one year older in age, and a 2nd/3rd year student (depending on whether he's currently a freshman or sophomore) in high school. So by the time we get into his third solo movie, he'll be a graduating senior who's about to enter University. The same interview also revealed that Holland can't keep his mouth shout, as if the perfect embodiment of the character Peter Parker in real life.

And not just Holland, even director Jon Watts felt that he too, identified himself as similar to both Parker and Holland. Not in the sense of age, but with the pressure of proving himself in the big world of Marvel Studios. Talking to Variety, Watts admitted that like Parker who's never done anything big and want to prove himself to Stark, that's how he felt while sitting at the directorial chair. Watts was unafraid to show his earnestness on his inexperienced approach, which somehow transferred a similar vibe to the movie. Watts also revealed that he went through a long process of meetings before the folks at Marvel Studios decided to hire him. Owing that to his small movie "Cop Car", that made people turned their heads towards him. It so happens that he was also eager to make a coming-of-age movie as well. So the stars were certainly aligned for him. As for whether he will direct the sequel, he refused to say anything because he wanted to focus on finishing this movie first. However, as proven by fellow directors like James Gunn, the Russo brothers, and Scott Derrickson, if Watts nails "Homecoming", I'm perfectly certain that Marvel Studios and SONY will entrust the next one onto his hand again.

Also, speaking to Fandango after CinemaCon, Watts stated that fans can expect easter eggs about the MCU and Marvel Universe in general in "Homecoming". The license plate of one of the cars in the Ferry scene, is one good example for the small ground-level references we can discover in the movie. Watts confirmed several things as well. Department of Damage Control / DDC, the organization that has been developed as a TV series for quite some time now, will be debuting in the movie. It will play a major role towards the evolution of Michael Keaton's Adrian Toomes into the wrong side of law. Intriguingly, the organization is said to have existed since the aftermath of 2012's "The Avengers". Yes, 'The Battle of New York', or as the Netflix series tend to subtly address it as 'The Incident'! This fact would be depicted in the first few scenes of the film (as reported by Coming Soon, though please exercise caution because the report might be meddling in spoiler territory). "Homecoming" will then address the event in "Captain America: Civil War", as we see Parker and Stark's relationship slowly evolve into a mentor/big-brother figure. And likewise, whatever will happen in "Homecoming" will also bring its own ripple effects towards "Infinity War". Last but not least, Watts confirmed that "Homecoming" will have a post-credit scene, that might possibly link itself towards upcoming Marvel Studios movies. "How disappointing would it be if there was just nothing?", he said.

Michael Keaton talked to Collider, and reiterated about the event that caused Adrian Toomes' building resentment towards Stark. In his opinion, Watts' approach is 'interesting', because in a way his character works as "somewhat of a victim. He takes things in that he feels like a victim, and some of it is justified actually. He believes that there’s an upper echelon of society of people who are getting away with a lot and have everything. And there’s a whole lot of folks who are working hard, and don’t have much". A fact that Keaton likened to the current political climate of America, as well as something personal for himself. He also confirmed Watts' previous statement that Vulture will be an average-joe antagonist, but also added one crucial fact: that Toomes is a father. Perhaps the few Marvel Studios' antagonist with a child on his own (it was hinted that Kaecillius of "Doctor Strange" also had a family), which adds a more sympathetic touch to him. But more than that, Toomes has a loyal crew, particularly Michael Chernus' The Tinkerer, who sounds like will have the potential to show up again in future installments. Who knows, perhaps Marvel Studios is slowly setting up a Sinister Six movie with Vulture, Shocker, and other possible future antagonists? That's certainly a possibility we can't simply dismiss.

Producer Eric Hauserman Carroll added more information about the movie. Speaking to Slash Film, Carroll revealed that the new suit that Stark created specifically for Parker, will have its own unique features. It would naturally contain more gadgets than any other version of Spider-Man suits that has appeared on the big screen, including an A.I. like JARVIS or FRIDAY. The suit will also enable different kind of webbings. Carroll said that there are spinning web, web ball, ricochet, and other stuffs that Stark built into Parker's arsenal, and most of it was done practically. To Coming Soon, Carroll said that Parker will be forced to adjust the glamour life of being part of the Avengers for a very limited time, to then return to a cold crowded daily life of being an outcast. It's a stark contrast of worlds that would help him grow as a singular hero, but also as part of a team, in regards to his connection with Stark. Last but not least, Carrol admitted to Screen Rant (via MCUExchange) that while he would've loved to see Spider-Man interacting with other New York heroes, namely the Netflix's Defenders, fans shouldn't expect them to be referenced in this movie.

For more information from the set visits, like the whereabout of Uncle Ben, Parker's love interest, or the movie's diversity among others (which might spoil the plot, mind you), B.M.D. has kindly put together a quick round-up for our convenience. The site has gathered bits from many sites like IGN, io9, Nerdist, Bustle, Screen Crush, and Slash Film. Go ahead and check out their page directly! You can also start looking for official merchandise for the movie that are starting to hit the market.

...Phewww... that ended up longer than expected!

Let's head on to other movies now. Disney held a presentation at CinemaCon, and among its lineup of information for upcoming movies, confirmed a rather old fan speculation that originated from Variety's report. At that time, actress Letitia Wright was only rumored to be playing T'Challa's half-sister Shuri in the upcoming "Black Panther". Turns out, that's indeed the case, as you can see from the official photo of the main cast.

As has been reported before, Actor Jeremy Renner and Elizabeth Olsen have officially joined the production for "Infinity War" starting this month. Olsen was seen arriving at Edinburgh, Scotland to join Paul Bettany and others. This confirmed that the previous candid scene that was thought to be Scarlett Johansson's Black Widow or her stunt double, might actually be Olsen's Wanda Maximoff after all. This scene got more interesting, because it's clear Scarlet Witch was fighting a staff-wielding mo-cap antagonist, which seemingly attacked Bettany's Vision before. Remember, the staff-wielding CG antagonist might very well be members of the Black Order, like Proxima Midnight or Corvus Glaive. This means that the two Avengers might be taking on the Black Order, instead of fighting one another like in "Civil War". Meanwhile, Renner has arrived in Atlanta, seemingly to join the production that's currently going on in the city as well. The production staff will then move to New York City starting in May.

Guess I better start changing how I write the title because it's officially "Ant-Man & The Wasp". Yes, with an ampersand logogram (check Wikipedia if you don't get what that is). The movie's logo could be seen through a release schedule that Disney presented during CinemaCon. It's the same presentation that revealed Letitia Wright's secret role, as well as title for "Wreck-It Ralph" sequel. Thanks to being absent on "Mission: Impossible 6", Jeremy Renner has now been rumored to be involved in this movie. Considering his Clint Barton's relationship with Paul Rudd's Scott Lang, and the fact that they are both everyday non-superpowered fathers, having him be the third wheel alongside Evangeline Lily's Hope van Dyne DOES make sense if not perfect match. However, it's worth noted that the source of this news, ShowBiz411 could have worded his report by mistake. I mean, perhaps what he meant was "Infinity War" and the UNTITLED 2019 Avengers movie, but wrote "Ant-Man and the Wasp" for the latter instead.

"Thor: Ragnarok"!!! Ah, yes, a quick footage from the movie was showcased during CinemaCon. It showed Chris Hemsworth's Thor Odinson battling together with Mark Rufallo's Hulk against Sakaar's gladiators. Oddly, it's not getting as much buzz as many have predicted. Possibly because Disney delivered a rather weak presentation in the event, to which I assume was intentional as they would likely opt to bring more firepower to its D23 event later this year. What did get bigger buzz however, was a rumor that the first trailer for the movie would be aired alongside the new episode for Marvel's "Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D." earlier this week. This, clearly did NOT happen (otherwise I'd be talking about it). Considering the date of the source, it's more likely to be an April Fools prank from the very beginning. Of course, April does work as a perfect timing to drop trailer for a November movie. Both "Doctor Strange" and "Thor: The Dark World" had their first trailers released in April. I'm guessing it will arrive alongside the worldwide premiere of "Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2" that will take place in the next weeks. International countries are premiering the movie this very month and not May like in North America!

And we've arrived on the last item of this category. As I said before, "Vol 2" is arriving very soon. But I rarely talk about it recently. What happened? Simple. I've been avoiding any news about it to keep my anticipation in tact. That's why. And you know what? That's probably the wisest move. The moment I stumbled into one of its report, I might have accidentally spoiled myself in advance. BUMMER! Since I've probably had been spoiled, let me spoil others too. So heed this warning, if you're avoiding spoilers, then just casually skip ahead to the next category. Last warning. Still here? Okay, let's continue then...

This time, it's regarding Sylvester Stallone's secret role in the movie. Yes, he walked out of "The Expendables 4", but that's not what I'm going to talk about. Director James Gunn has previously revealed, that Stallone and his friend, actor Michael Rosenbaum, are playing important characters in the MCU. A major Cosmic character, he said. Well, according to an Italian movie site MoviesBook.it (via MCUExchange), Stallone is in fact playing a character by the name Stakar. There's only one Stakar in the Marvel comics, and he goes by the name Stakar Ogord. If that name is still unfamiliar to you as well, then guess what name he is more popularly known as? StarHawk! StarHawk is a member of the original Guardians of the Galaxy comics that was set in the 31st century. His fellow team members are Vance Astro, Charlie-27, Nikki Gold, Martinex, and *drumrolls* Yondu Udonta! Gunn has never been shy from saying that StarHawk is his favorite character, and have always wanted to include him in the sequel. In fact, Kurt Russel was previously rumored to be playing StarHawk, though that has been proven wrong now. So the likelihood of him casting a big star like Stallone as his favorite character, makes perfect sense. As MCUExchange noted, there's a possibility of Rosenbaum portraying Gunn's version of Martinex T'Naga, and Sharon Stone playing Nikki Gold. With a working title suspiciously titled 'Guardians 3000', and that Quill will be needing assistance from 'fan-favorite characters from the classic comics, things suddenly makes sense and comes full circle. Beside, with Gunn already revealing Ego as Quill's father, surely there are other surprises he has installed in the movie, right? For now, this is still purely rumor and speculation, but if it does come true, then we might be seeing two sets of Guardians of the Galaxy in the movie. And that's going to be a blast...

Marvel TV

The first synopsis for Marvel's "The Inhumans" have been unveiled, and to many fans, it sounds rather concerning. Why? Go ahead and read it for yourself: "After the Royal Family of Inhumans is splintered by a military coup, they barely escape to Hawaii where their surprising interactions with the lush world and humanity around them may prove to not only save them, but Earth itself.".

What's the problem with that, you wonder? The core problem is, the show likely won't be taking place in Attilan, which was what many fans have anticipated. The concern also comes on the heels of the critical failure of one Marvel's "Iron Fist", a show that shares the exact same showrunner in Scott Buck. While it does resemble the plot of the first "Thor" movie, the same fish-out-of-water story was also used in "Iron Fist". As in, a show that chose to abandon K'un-L'un and its vast mystical lore, and instead focus on the corporate happenings in... New York. Change the setting into Hawaii, and have Black Bolt and the other Royal families in the run, and you've got yourself the exact same situation. I personally think it's disappointing to have a full-on Inhumans show taking place on Earth. The Royal Family belongs in Attilan, a fictional city that needs to be explored into details. Just like the Guardians in their far away cosmic adventure, or Thor in his Asgardian Nine-Realms, kicking the Inhumans Royal Family out of their native home already sounds like a HUGE mistake. We don't need that kind of plot, leave that to when a crossover is needed. We need a "Game of Thrones"-esque twist that takes place in Attilan, among the Inhumans. Take cue from "Emerald City" that spend only the first and last episode on Earth. I'll still give this show the benefit of doubt just to be fair, but to be completely honest, my interest level has fallen significantly low now. This already sounds like such a waste of potentials! Let's hope it won't vanish into thin air when the show eventually arrive.

Marvel's "Cloak and Dagger" is set to premiere in Winter 2018 on the Freeform network. We now have additional information about this series, that it's going to be a 10-episodes series. I think this is a good amount, considering the series will be required to have special effects in portraying Tandy and Tyrone's super powers. Cutting the episodes, means more budget can be allocated for VFX. "Legion" and "Emerald City" are good example of this, as they succeeded in delivering the exact visuals needed for their story. So fans can rest easier, because at the very least, the embarassing case of 'replace Shou-Lau the Undying with two red light bulbs, just because the studio don't have money for CG' (that brought a certain degree of anger among the fanbase), is highly unlikely to happen again. At least not in this show. Seriously, I hope Netflix starts to realize this critical and crucial flaw right away. As for the plot, it has also been confirmed that it will focus on character and emotion, because "It tells of a romance between Tandy and Tyrone in a way that we haven’t really seen before in a Marvel TV series". So that's what differentiate this Freeform show, from the other ones, right?

What other one? Yep, let me make it clear. 'This Freeform show' wasn't referring as singular. Because surprise, surprise, turns out "Cloak and Dagger" won't be the only new show debuting on Freeform. Marvel's "New Warriors" has been greenlit for the same network as well! Kevin Biegel is closing a deal to write and serve as showrunner for Marvel TV's first scripted sitcom. This 10-episodes 30-minutes show will serve as a vehicle to bring one famous Marvel comics character into her first live action adaptations. Doreen Green, or more familarly known as Squirrel Girl! Apparently, Freeform "had chased Squirrel Girl before Cloak and Dagger", because "We are a network for young adults but we're proud we're No. 1 with young women and we want to find characters who speak to them. There's a reason we chased Squirrel Girl: she embodies all of that". But apparently Marvel made them wait before giving the clearance. Looks like Marvel finally gave in.

And Doreen won't be alone. New Warriors consists of other young people with special abilities. As noted by The Hollywood Reporter, "New Warriors revolves around six young people with powers living and working together. With powers and abilities on the opposite end of the spectrum of The Avengers, the New Warriors want to make a difference in the world...even if the world isn't ready. With Freeform focused on a group dubbed 'becomers' — those experiencing a series of firsts in life, including first loves and first jobs — New Warriors explores the journey into adulthood, except in this world, they're not quite super and not yet heroes and the guys can be as terrifying as bad dates. The series will feature Marvel fan-favorite Squirrel Girl (aka Doreen Green) as a totally empowering fan girl who is described as tough, optimistic and a natural leader. Doreen is confident and has the powers of a squirrel: she's acrobatic, can fight and talk to other squirrels. Her most important trait is said to be her faith in people and ability to teach them to believe in themselves.". If you're clueless about them, fear not because neither do I. Thankfully, THR has kindly posted a quick article describing who these folks are. It's a convenient read to those who are too lazy/busy to skim through Wikipedia. For the time being however, Freeform is keeping a tight lip in regards of which characters comprising the New Warriors of this show. THR cautioned that the team might not be the same to the comic's version, especially considering Squirrel Girl herself has never been part of it! In fact, this could be an adaptation of the Great Lakes Avengers instead, particularly due to the similarity of the storyline.

I have to admit, I'm feeling a bit mixed about "New Warriors". Why? Because part of me expect Squirrel Girl to show up in a Marvel Studios movie instead. That way, she can be played by an A-list actress (like the loveable Anna Kendrick, for example?), and interact with the Avengers or Spider-Man characters. Not to mention the VFX needed to showcase her power... though it practically only required numerous trained squirrels, really. But the fact that it's a 30-minute of "balls-out comedy" might be the main, if not sole reason that I MIGHT actually see it. The reason? Only 5 episodes in, and I'm already tired of all those teenage angst and drama in "Riverdale". It's too cheesy and exhausting for my adult mind/heart. LOL. With both "Cloak and Dagger" and Marvel's "Runaways" already sounding like an incarnation of that CW series (particularly the latter), it's more than clear than I'll be skipping both no matter how much I've pledged allegiance to Marvel. Comedy on the other hand? That might be right up on my alley. Beside, getting older means you need more laughters to vent away all those extra stress and hardships... XD

One last thing before we move on to the next category. Aaron Sorkin, an Academy and Golden Globe Award winning writer, has apparently been meeting with Marvel and DC for a potential collaboration with either Studios. Sorkin revealed this during CinemaCon. He admitted however, that he's not familiar with comic books, but hopes that there's a comic book character that he's going to love and would want to work on. Since Sorkin's work spanned from TV like "The West Wing" to movies like "The Social Network", this talk could go anywhere, which is why I'm putting it on the TV category instead. I'm not personally familiar of his works, and also his style, but I would love to see a guy as prestigious as him tackling a movie among Marvel's Phase 4. Perhaps, a Moon Knight will be nice? But nothing is certain for now, because he clearly needs to spend some private time to do some personal research first. So I guess we'll just have to wait and find out sooner or later, right?

Netflix

This is not a drill, or an April Fools prank (time for that haD passed anyways)... but a new teaser for the highly anticipated Marvel's "The Defenders" has been released online. But don't be surprised, if it's... well, short and looking odd. After all, it's just a shot of Charlie Cox's Matt Murdock (who is back to wearing his Season 1 head cover again while hillariously donning a business suit), Krysten Ritter's Jessica Jones, Mike Colter's Luke Cage, and Finn Jones' Danny Rand riding down through an elevator together. That's it!

Of course, the main purpose for this quick teaser, was none other than to announce the mini series' official release date. Yes, Netflix has set the mini-series for an August 18th, 2017 premiere. Considering production has wrapped last month, this obviously make a lot of sense. Especially putting into account that the premiere date is more than 1 month after "Homecoming" hits the market. Not just that, an exclusive debut to be showcased during this year's San Diego Comic Con and Disney D23, now sounds highly likely too.

Cox was invited by Boogaloo Radio to talk about his projects just a day before this teaser hit the internet, and he opened up about many things, including details surrounding this mini-series. Turns out, the consequent production for the first two Seasons for Marvel's "Daredevil" sort of worn him out, but since "The Defenders" has four leads, he got more time off when the storyline does not require the presence of his character. Not to mention, stunt double can take over his place during action scenes because he's "the only one that has a mask". That's a statement that easily provoked further disappointment of fans who have been expecting to see Danny Rand following suit with his iconic costume. Is Netflix really embarassed about Iron Fist's costume? Cox revealed that a new stunt team was brought specifically for this show, and confirmed that Drew Goddard is indeed involved as a consultant, aside from writing 1 or 2 episodes. As for a crossover with the movie side's Avengers, Cox only said that the future is still very much open for it to happen.

One important tidbit that he revealed during the talk, was that he will begin filming the 3rd Season for "Daredevil" later this year! This shouldn't be a surprise, since the new season was already announced July last year. This practically confirmed that it will arrive next year. Possibly following the 2nd season of Marvel's "Jessica Jones", which had just started production earlier this week, and before the 2nd season of Marvel's "Luke Cage". Unless... Netflix decides to push Jon Bernthal's Marvel's "The Punisher" back from Fall 2017 to be the first title in 2018, which technically shifts everything else behind.

As for "Jessica Jones", it's still unclear what kind of storyline it will take on, nor what antagonist she will face since Kilgrave has been killed. Perhaps, the mysterious character that Janet McTeer will be playing? One thing for sure, actor Wil Traval has seemingly hinted his return as Will Simpson, a.k.a Rachael Taylor's Trish crazy boyfriend Nuke. So the mystery behind his super enhanced drugs will at least serve as one of the arc of the season. Meanwhile, production is still going deep for "The Punisher", as Bernthal was recently seen with a beaten up make up, alongside a mysterious man that might be Ebon Moss-Bachrach's Micro. As I said above, the initial plan was to have his series arriving as the third Marvel-Netflix show this year. But looking at the release window, the show only has an opening on October or December to avoid bumping into "Thor: Ragnarok". I won't be surprised if it gets pushed to 2018, possibly on January or February. As evidenced by "Voltron Legendary Defender", this practice does sound highly probable for a streaming site like Netflix.

And... speaking of Voltron, a 3rd season was announced during the WonderCon panel last Saturday. Showrunners and some of the voice cast were in attendance, and they revealed that a 3rd season will arrive later this year. The next antagonist is said to be Prince Lotor, as confirmed by Nerdist. I haven't personally finished the 2nd season, using 'savoring the series' as an easy excuse (though I simply didn't have time to bingewatch it, really). So reading that news on Nerdist had sort of spoiled its sad ending. Which was what I've been trying to avoid all these time *sigh*. Regardless of that, it's a great news nonetheless. We need more Voltron anyways, it's a great show...

The Telltale Series

After completing their take on DC's Batman, the Telltale Games' next project has been making a huge buzz ever since it was announced. Why? Because it's Marvel's freaking "Guardians of the Galaxy". Inline with the imminent release of the team's second live action movie, of course people are excited for this too. The company has released the game's first trailer last week, while announcing that the first episode, entitled "Episode One: Tangled Up in Blue" will be available on April 18. Which is just a week before "Vol 2" is released in international markets, and two weeks before it hits North America.

I don't know about you, but for some reason, I'm... NOT feeling this. And this is coming from someone who's actually looking forward to it. Perhaps it's the... weird character design that rubbed me the wrong way? Or the fact that the 'brand new' story will once again deal with "an artifact of unspeakable power"? All I can say is, if the first of five episode already made me doubt it, then it's saying much. But don't let that get you down, because who knows, this could end up becoming unexpectedly charming like the movie, instead of the TV series that sadly grew dull the more I see it.

The game will feature the voice cast of Scott Porter as Star-Lord, Emily O’Brien as Gamora, Nolan North as Rocket, Brandon Paul Eells as Drax, and Adam Harrington as Groot. First episode will arrive on PS4, Xbox One, PC, Mac, iOS and Android for $4.99, while a Season Pass Disc that will grant access for all episodes will be available on May 2 for $29.99. If you're both a Marvel and Telltale Series fan, this might be just what you're looking for.

Final Fantasy XV

First DLC episode for "Final Fantasy XV" that featured Gladiolus as the lead has been released. And well, turns out it wasn't as interesting as many has hoped. While it's fun to actually play Gladio and explore his own unique set of skill, the gameplay of the episode itself was said to be redundant and the story was practically non existent. The reward of the mini quest was not that worthwhile either, and would likely be more pleasing for those who are consider themselves 'devoted' to the character. Suffice to say, the five dollars DLC serve as a fan-service side mission, and nothing else. That might also be the reason why it arrived alongside the fix for that infamous Chapter 13.

Perhaps, the game will fare better with its mobile spin-off then? "Final Fantasy XV: A New Empire", which was developed by Machine Zone's Epic Action has been made available via the App Store. At least... in New Zealand. In this app, fans will be able to explore more of the lore of main game, but presumably in an alternate universe setting. After all, the premise is said to be "Journey through vast kingdoms, gather magical resources, and build the strongest Empire in Final Fantasy history! Build your own kingdom, discover powerful magic, and dominate the realm alongside all of your friends!". As far as I know, this does NOT happen in the main game. So unless it's taking place in the afterlife, it's nothing but a huge what-if scenario. Do go ahead and visit Epic Action's official site to check whether my deduction is correct or not. Will this app be more successful than the main game's DLC then? That remains to be seen. Let's just hope the best for the franchise, shall we...

Nintendo

"Super Mario Run" is Nintendo's first foray into the mobile gaming market. And although the app has attracted attention, apparently, it wasn't as well received as the company have hoped. They have even stated this openly, which was reported through Asia Nikkei. Interestingly, fans aren't surprised with this result, because the pricing and lack of gameplay are more than enough to justify such lack of interest. Problem is, they aren't changing their premium-priced approach any time soon. Turns out, the mobile market has always been a secondary field compared to their traditional console based sales. Especially with Nintendo Switch just celebrating its first month. These mobile games are present only to expand brand awareness, and it will continue that way for their next projects.

You know what? If they can find a way to integrate apps like "Super Mario Run", the financially better "Fire Emblem Heroes", and the not-so-hit-anymore but still-popular "Pokemon GO" into Switch, I'm certain the company will see a positive increase of interest for all those things. This shouldn't be a problem, since Switch is already serving as a portable gadget, akin to a Smartphone. Just think about it, the ability to play exclusive Nintendo apps for free on the Switch will undoubtedly boost the hybrid console's sale, while at the same time generating more users to their apps. Come on Nintendo, just do it. This here is wise strategy! Methinks... LOL.

The King of Fighters

That leak has been confirmed! Rock Howard, the son of Geese Howard and disciple of Terry Bogard has debuted in the "KOF" franchise. And if the official trailer is any indication, then he's going to be inhibiting strong traits from those two characters, which is obviously the major element that made him a standout.

Rock, as well as previously announced returning characters Vanessa, Ryuji Yamazaki, and Whip, have been made available through "The King of Fighters XIV" version 2.00 update that was launched several days ago. Said update will include free new stages ("Transcontinental Railroad" and "City Circuit", which you can check out through its own trailer), balance adjustments for existing characters, action record and playback feature in Training Mode, new BGM, bug fixes, and other improvements. In case you forget, the update is free, but the characters are paid DLCs. Each can be purchased for a $5.99 USD, or as a set for a price of $19.99. Head on to SNK-Corp for more details on this huge update.

Do you think SNK will continue to explore this game, and add even more returning characters in the coming months? Unless they will be moving along to "The King of Fighters XV", this certainly sounds like a possibility. After all, why would they release all 4 characters together when they can easily churn them out one by one every other month. You know, like what CAPCOM is doing with "Street Fighter V". That would've stretched the title for close to 6 months more of software's longetivity, right? At least, adding two more characters, to form two new official Teams with these released four would make a lot of sense. Perhaps both from the "GAROU: Mark of Wolves" franchise, to become Rock's team mates? Of course, that's just my personal wishful thinking, and we'll have to wait and see what move the company will do next to keep the hype high. For now, be thankful that you can enjoy a fun sparring between Rock and his mentor Terry in a "KOF" series now. Which is something that was only possible through the "GAROU" series before...

[darklingichor]

Gilmore Girls Ep 15 pt. 2, Episode 16 & 17

Best laid plans, yada yada. I lost internet for a few days. Now, the Portland Metro Area is getting hit by the second ice storm we’ve had since December. The last one knocked out the power, as well as most of the birch trees around my apartment complex. So, I’ll finish ep. 15 and go through ep 17, cross my fingers and hope that the gods of modern technology keep the lights on!

On with the show.

So, first half of Episode 15 recap: Christopher is pretty cool, Richard was being an asshole, Christopher’s parents are evil, and the actress who plays Christopher’s mom seems to have made a career out of playing moms. Seriously, she was Ted’s mom on HIMYM and she played Phoebe’s husband’s mom on Friends!

Next half

Emily was very sweet to Rory and I love that she let protocol slip and called Christopher’s dad an ass.

The balcony scene is actually why I like Christopher. The actors have an easy back and forth and I really buy that the characters have known each other for over twenty years. It is the same feeling with Luke. I buy that he and Lorelai talk every day. With Max it always feels like they’ve just met and don’t really want to talk to each other.

Speaking of Luke… *sigh* Poor Luke! Although, it was very Lorelai to first run down to the diner in PJ’s and then to do a well intentioned B&E to make up for it!

The proposal. Is it weird I saw it coming? There was just something about the pace of the episode. I do like that there was a feeling of “too be continued” rather than “The End” when she said no.

Episode 16: Let’s get all the little things out of the way. When did this episode air? It feels like a Valentine’s Day episode but they realized it wouldn’t air then, so they made up this love festival. I like grumpy Lorelai.

Rachel and Luke should be fun, she’s sort of his Christopher, right?

The dinner fix up was hilarious and I loved that Lorelai and Richard had the the same sort of make up that she and Emily had when Richard was in the hospital. And I loved that Lorelai begged Richard not to make her go back brown there “because that guy is boring”. And I loved that he covered for her.

The festival was funny, especially the argument between Taylor and the Mayor.

Now on to the big topic.

Asshat Dean has fully emerged. Isn’t he magnificent? Don’t you just want to beat him with a baseball bat?

Oh. My. God. Are you fucking kidding me? Did this “nice guy” really just claim to love his girlfriend and then throw a tantrum because she didn’t say it back? No, really, I get it, it is Rory’s fault. I mean, what’s not to love? He only insists she has no mind of her own, acted like a jerk the one time she asked him to go somewhere with her, is snarky about her reading habits and threw a bitch fit because she didn’t fall into his arms proclaiming eternal devotion the second he said the L word.

Christ on a pogo stick, I don’t know much about romantic relationships but I’m pretty sure that insulting someone and dumping them because you didn’t hear what you wanted to hear isn’t love.

I would think that romantic love is much like other kinds of love, in that when you love someone you have compassion and patience where they are concerned. I mean, think about it. She didn’t laugh at him, she didn’t say she didn’t love him, she just said that she needed time to process it. Makes sense to me. One, she’s sixteen and has never had a boyfriend before much less a serious one. Two, she’s Rory, so far we have seen that she does very little on impulse. Of course she’s going to think about it!

I would understand if he was a little hurt and disappointed not to hear it back but if he loves her I would expect a response like:

“Rory, I know this is huge, and you don’t have to say it back. I just wanted you to know how I feel.”

Or if he wanted to be a little pouty maybe:

“Okay, take your time” and then having it be awkward and chilly the next few days.

But no, we basically get “Uge, you and your thinking, I don’t like thinking, thinking is stupid.” Asshat want feelings, give Asshat feelings, now! You no give Asshat feelings, Asshat dump you! Get out of crappy car!

I can feel the love.

My opinion, if he really loved her then he would know her well enough to know that a response like that was possible.

Episode 17: I liked this episode a lot.

I relate to Rory’s avoidance tactic, I do that with in unpleasant situations. I’m glad that Lorelai didn’t throw out the box, Rory getting rid of her stuffed chicken made me sad!

I love the town trying to be discreet ( and failing) as they rally around Rory.

Luke is so amazing! Now, is trying to beat up a sixteen year old good? No. Is Luke being pissed that Rory is hurt good? Yes!

I grinned all the way through the scene where Jackson is trying to make Sookie dinner. Am I the only one who would love a series with these two? No drama, just following them around, watching them be domestic and adorable?

Lane at the party was the cutest. Paris is so me at every party I’ve ever been to. I’m always doing the “How long till I’m not rude for leaving” calculation. Parties aren’t my thing. Unless part of the party is watching something awesome. Put in Kill Bill and I’m yours for the night, but don’t expect me to do anything but watch The Bride kick ass.

The kiss with Tristan… I know this was supposed to humanize him… but no. He’s a click above Dean at this point, but only because Dean would have probably blamed Rory if he thought he bit her lip. At least Tristan apologized. However, he still strikes me as sleazy. He seems like he probably travels back in time to the 80’s where he’s a yuppie lawyer who also sells coke to school children, or something.

On the other hand he is more entertaining than Max and Lorelai.

Goddammit, I thought we got rid of him! Why does she miss him? Did she miss pointlessly making out and then discussing why they shouldn’t pointlessly make out? How stupid is this relationship? He knocks a table out of the way to jump her. If I wanted to see a relationship like this I would dig up old soap operas. At least Days of Our Lives had a possession by the devil plot.

Jesus guys, make a weekly bang appointment and call it good.

If we need to give Lorelai a distraction from Luke and a “Maybe this is a bad idea” plot line just bring in Christopher. They at least know more about each other than the topography of their respective tonsils.

I did like how the episode ended, with Rory ready to feel and with Lorelai ordering a pizza. That was sweet.