#tpb headcanons

[bowieandqueen11]

Dating Westley Would Include...

Request: Hello! I was wondering if you could do Westley from princess bride relationship headcanons?

The Princess Bride is one of my favourite movies (I watch it every year on my birthday) so thank you! <3

If you enjoy, please leave a comment and let me know! Thank you for your kindness!

Warning: mentions of injury/ blood and swords.

(I do not own the Princess Bride or its characters, all rights go to creators. Gif credit goes to @thekatebishops.)

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°

As a young babe, the fairy tales your mother used to read to you at nightfall, so full to the brim of hope and true love as they were, always seemed like a strange fantasy to you. Little did you know, as you grew up alongside that strange farm boy who hovered behind your every step as if he worshipped the ground you walked on, that true love had been lingering behind your eyes for as long as you had lived.

That all changed one magical day on a late spring morn, when you decided to try and cure your lack of sleep by wandering down to the barn. Sitting amidst the starlit lavender thickets, the few cows you owned came shuffling away from their warm hay to come moo by your face as you sat cross legged beside them. Despite the sleeting rain that muddied the brick outhouses, you could see a thatched window swing open from the opposite side of the farm, and Westley’s curious face peeking out at the sudden uproar of noise. Once he spotted you, I swear, a smile bright enough to blight the most sweet of angels bloomed across his face; it took him less than a minute to throw his shirt on and to come through the verdant storm to sit beside you. You didn’t think you could get any cosier: the gentle pitter patter on the creaking roof-beams, and the warmth of the young man settling himself beside you without a word. That was until Westley unravelled the cloth he had managed to hide underneath his elbow, and gently wrap the straw stern blanket he had brought around both your heads, until you were tucked together under the stars like a fresh bud waiting for the sunlight. 

‘You look freezing, my love’, he says gently as he takes your hand from where it’s resting on your knee and wraps it in his under the blanket. ‘It would be my honour to share what little comfort I may bring with you.’ The glow of the speckled stars makes his eyes seem to grow tenfold, despite how bright and wide they are already, when filled with an unutterable and primordial love. You turn your head towards him, and he follows your every movement. Taking a chance, you ask squeeze his fingers and ask if you can kiss him, and with a love-fraught sigh, as quiet and gentle as the wind brushing through the violets, and an overjoyed shut of his eyes all he says is... ‘as you wish.’ And then the heavens seem to open above you: spurting out gold and silver bursts of shooting stars across the pearled horizon as you press your lips onto his pliant ones, and the two of you spend the growing dawn growing to learn the aspect of each others lips.

Since Westley doesn’t have much money, spending time with you and acts of his service are his ways of showing the outpouring of love that dwells within his heart. He teaches you to bake bread, the one skill he can remember being taught to him by his mother back when he was a child, bless her soul. The two of you sweat away by the barn’s oven, tucked away from the rest of the world in the small grove by the edge of the woods. Westley grows weary of not being able to touch you, and so he abandons his own progress to come lean over you and press his fingers on top of your own; he’s so close, you can feel the tufts of curls that cover his eyes brush over your own, and you swear every time you dart your eyes shyly towards him, he’s quickly looking away from you and back to the dough with his own bashfully fluttering eyes. The playful smile never leaves his face, though. not even when he flicks a bit of flour onto your nose and makes you sneeze so loudly you can hear the horses whinny in fear from outside. He finds it so sweet, he can’t help but lean over and press a tender kiss against your cheek, lingering for so long against you that you end up growing impatient and moving his nose away from his cheek. Grasping the bottom of his chin, you squeeze his face and turn it till he’s kissing you once more, thrilled by the way his remark of surprise soon melts into a hoarse moan. You only pull away when you notice from the corner of your eye that your thumb has left a smudge of dough on his face. He lets you hold his head in your hands, gazing up at you like a tired puppy as you wipe the remnants away with a shared laugh.

From time to time, the two of you will steal a horse away; bouncing up on the saddle behind him, you grasp tightly onto his waist as he leads you both away from your father’s farm for the afternoon. The two of you take a break from the labour to go sit out in the nearby orchards, watching the sun begin to fall past the rows of snapping firedragons and dew-drop snowdrops. From where you lie, stalking like a vine around his chest, you disturb the way he’s stroking his fingers up and down the side of your face to tuck a stalk of lavender behind his ear. In the sweet solitude, before the two of you become too sleepy laying in each others arms, you shove yourself off of him and begin running through the fields. In a fit of giggles, you try to cover your hand and stay quiet as you begin to hear his boots run over the rolling bends of the hill after you. Just as you were turning around to try and spot his outline on the horizon, a strong pair of arms wrapped around your waist and spun you up from the ground.

‘I found you again, as I always will my dove’, he whispers against the shell of your ear, only disturbed by the sounds of your father yelling from his cart for the two of you to return home.

From then on, Westley waits outside your window every night, crouching down among the mud and flowers until he’s sure your father has gone to bed. With his arms out waiting, he catches you when you unlatch the glass and begin to climb leg first over the sill, jumping down into his arms until he’s holding you bridle style against his chest. With a smirk, he carries you away to the hay bales for the night, so you can spend it away in each others arms. He can’t bear to be apart from you, not even within dreams, and so every time your eyes begin to shut you can feel him slide over you again; with his waist pinning you down, his hands come up to rest in bunches in your hair as he fervently caresses your face with trailing lips, mapping out the route to his heart over you: the key to it.

And then he leaves to find fortune: to find a happier, easier life for the two of you, and your whole world breaks apart in an instant. You run away as soon as your father relays the news of the Dread Pirate Roberts and your love, managing to join a misfit troupe of bandits and becoming best friends with a strange, Spanish, fencing drunk called Inigo Montoya. The two of you would spend nights on Vizzini’s ship with your legs swinging over the side of the deck, looking down at the lilac hued river bends and the placid stream that fished in between the looming rocks. Side by side, you would share a bottle of whatever bottle Inigo had managed to swing by the nearby village, and talk about the loves the two of you had lost with tears cresting behind your tired eyes.

Before you knew it, five years had passed, and the world still seemed as stilted and empty as it had when you had lost Westley. And then he returns one uneventful day. It doesn’t matter how different he looks, or what name he tries to call himself: you would know your Westley from the sound of his footfall alone. From the hitch of his breath when he docks his ship and first spots you standing on bow of your own, having been told years past that you had been captured and murdered by a gang of bloodthirsty outlaws. By the strength, yet the simultaneous tenderness of his arm as he swings a rope through the boat and yanks you around the waist, lifting you up past the mast and back onto the docks. Trying to gasp through your surprise as your feet plant on solid ground, you hold up a hand to Inigo, trying to calm him and to tell him to sheath his sword once again. He jumps down from the edge of the ship with an earnest glare at the masked bandit standing in front of you, but you’re too busy roaming your hands over his shoulders and back to care. 

You go to try and peel off his mask, but in a sudden pang of fear that you’ll revoke him: that you’ll abandon him: that it will break your heart to see him so changed from the plain farm boy who had laid his heart at your feet so long ago, he curls his fingers over the top of your own and pulls them back down to rest instead over his panging heart.

‘Please, Westley’, you’re nearly gasping. ‘I’ve missed you more than I can bear. I need to know this isn’t a dream.’

‘As you wish, my love.’ He slowly brings your intertwined hand back up to roll the mask up, letting it drop with a flop into the dark depths of the waters. You nearly break out into weeping fits of relieved laughter, your hands roaming over every inch of his face: over the dip of his nose, the distinct cupid’s bow that trembles at your touch, the furrowed compress between his eyes that shakes as your pointer finger passes. He tries to follow your path until he goes cross eyed, instead flushing a deep crimson in a mad desperation to feel your soft hands cup his cheeks again, and bring his forehead down against your own.

‘I thought you had left me’, you nearly cry.

‘I told you, my primrose, that I will always find you. The path between true love can never be broken, especially by something so insignificant as time.’

Even though he joins your merry band in the end, and ends up being especially good friends with Inigo, any time he makes a joke about the two of you swords are immediately drawn. You roll your eyes as they start jumping about the cragged cliff edge, swinging about like acrobats as fencing swords start flying once again. He always wins, and always comes immediately back to sit by your side again after a shaking of hands and a satisfied smile. Even in his defeat, as Inigo settles down on his perch again, he can’t help but feel his heart lighten at the way the adoration and tenderness seems to glow and seep out of Westley’s every fibre as he looks over at you.

You have to patch Westley up after the many, many times he manages to get himself into trouble. Although he always tries to act the perfect gentleman, and tells you that having to look after him ‘is no job for a miracle such as yourself’, he secretly loves being taken care of as well. You sit in between his spread legs, Westley holding your hunched back close to him through the brackets of his arms. Even though you’re using a damp cloth to try and wipe away the fresh spouts of blood from his jagged cut, there’s no pain on his face. He’s watching you with a content beam twitching his lips, using the fingers that lie over your spine to try and distract you by tickling your back from time to time. Even in his darkest moments, he still wants to see you happy: this is why, with every wrap of the bandage around his arm, he tries to chase your knuckles with his lips before they disappear around his armpit again.

He always tries to protect you - especially when you have to go creeping through the fire swamp to get back home. He’s got a hand on you at all times through the enclosing darkness of the bristling canopies for two reasons. 1) To remind him that you’re still there with him and 2) to ground him - to bring him back, a reminiscence of his youth when he did naught but spend his life dreaming of the perfection and sweetness that he now holds in his arms. 

At one point, when you stop to catch your breaths after nearly being attacked by another rodent of unusual size, he accidentally leans against the bough of a knobbled tree and opens a secret hatch in its trunk. Going and sitting in the dew crested dirt, he just holds you for a while as you sit on his lap - doing the only thing he ever wants to do and breathing you in.

He grips your waist and quickly tugs you out of the way of yet another fire swallowed sink hole, and he decides right there and then that he would be more than happy to die right there and then if it meant seeing you safe. You’re just a golden haze: a light of pure goodness and hope that keeps him from falling into despair, and he knows in the depth of his heart that he would be left wandering through the burning cosmos as a lost soul if he ever were to lose you: unsettled, blighted, forlorn and perishing without his true love to give him life.

He doesn’t have much else to give, so everything he has, everything he is will have to do.

[heyodaddio]

Julian Headcanons

Julian knows almost nothing about his family, he's only ever met his father and grandmother.

He never knew his mother, his father kept no photos of her and rarely spoke about her. He believes she may have passed during childhood but he has no way of confirming this.

[plutonium-love]

couples in trailer park boys that are canon because i said so

[thefuseoftemptation]

EDDIE WHENEVER HE SPEEDS:

[hotcat37]

Julian's cat hcs:

-it used to be one of Bubbles' cats but the kitty had some behavior issues and couldn't get along with the other cats so Bubbs took it over to Julian

-Julian was hesitant to take the cat in but eventually was like "damn okay" when Bubbles kept begging him lol

-ever since then him and his kitty are inseparable

-it loves playfighting so Julian's cat will often bite at his hand or swat at him with its paws just to pick a fight

-Julian thinks it's funny so he has little battles with his cat from time to time

-Ricky doesn't get along with Julian's kitty

-the second Jules leaves the room Ricky n the cat are squabbling and fist fighting (which includes Ricky gently fist bumping the kitty's paw lol) or Ricky sometimes just picks the cat up and puts it in another room

-they're jealous of each other ☠ Ricky is jealous because Julian is much more affectionate with his kitty while Julian's cat is very territorial and gets protective whenever somebody touches its owner

-Julian thinks this is both absolutely ridiculous and kind of cute

-the cat has an addiction to fishsticks

-Ricky was once tasked to catsit the kitty and Julian came home to his cat absolutely stoned on catnip. Ricky never got to catsit again

-when its not picking a fight, Julian's cat is very cuddly and likes to sit on his shoulder and nuzzle its snout into his neck

-it has a bit of a deep meow

-Julian bounces his kitty against his chest whenever he notices that the cat is anxious or uncomfortable

-sometimes Julian will wake up to his cat sleepily kneading at his pecs instead of the bed

-Julian always misses his cat when he's in jail so he asks Bubbles about the kitty whenever he visits

[moss-petal]

Sandstorm’s dads

[eclipseclan]

Couple of “Into the Wild” era family headcanons (with varying canon compliance):

-Sandpaw was an orphaned WindClan kit who was dropped off in ThunderClan because there were no nursing queens. Her attitude about outsiders stemmed from her insecurity over this and an attempt to fit in. She and Dustpelt grew to be on bad terms over this because he’d bring up her heritage when they had a falling out.

-Darkstripe and Graypaw are full brothers but have a bad relationship and don’t acknowledge it

-Dustpaw and Ravenpaw’s parents are unnamed ThunderClan cats and died to a battle with ShadowClan.

-Yellowfang’s father was a kittypet, which is where she got her persian genes

-Brindleface’s litter was sired by a loner who agreed to act as a surrogate. She had no interest in having a mate and was fine with raising her kits by herself.

[phantom-of-innaovitch]

Imagine if, in the battle between ShadowClan and WindClan before the first arc (the battle Badgerfang died in). Brokenstar deliberately brought tons of kits to the battle hoping they would die. Thus leaving many of his own clanmates to grieve, as well as be enraged at their deaths. Then when the time came for Brokenstar to lead the attack that drove out WindClan, ShadowClan cats, even those who weren’t in his inner circle of followers, would feel less hesitant with the idea of kicking them out. Possibly seeing it as retribution.

[mudmoth]

Rosetail

[troutfur]

I know where people are coming from with portraying Brambleclaw and Firestar having a parental relationship, especially since many view mentors and apprentices in general in a parental light (very good headcanon! I don't portray it like that in my fics for a multitude of reasons but I still support it 100%). But for me I have always thought, due to the way Firestar treated him, the general circumstances during the latter half of TPB, and the fact Firestar rapidly developed into a living legend type figure, that their relationship would be a lot more distant. Hero worship and idolization at best, outright resentment at worst. If anyone felt any parental feelings there, it was for sure Firestar and I can only imagine it being unreciprocated and very awkward.

[wc-confessions]

Longtail is my favorite character. I love his character arc, how he acts as a narrative foil to Firestar, and how he starts out as a jerkass but grows to have a backbone, shows himself to be a loyal warrior with a heart of gold where it counts, rejects Tigerstar when lines in the sand have been crossed despite how much he once looked up to him, and eventually grows to be very loyal to Firestar. I wish people talked more about the scene where he saves Fire when Tiger tries to drown him even though they’re not at all on friendly terms yet. Also his mentor-apprentice relationship with Swiftpaw tears me apart but I live for all the fan content that shows their bond and how much regret he has to live with after Swiftpaw’s death.

To this day I have so many gripes with what happened to my boy post-TPB.

If there is a non-death equivalent of TV Tropes’ “Too Cool To Live,” Longtail is basically that. He had to be written out because if he weren’t forcibly removed from the action, then he would be the obvious choice to become deputy during Greystripe’s absence in TNP (and arguably should have been chosen over Greystripe in the first place; I do like Grey but he was not particularly loyal nor responsible in his youth). Longtail was still relatively young, healthy and fit, loyal, experienced, passionate. You cannot convince me that he wasn’t dealt a career-ending injury solely because the plot demanded Brambeclaw become deputy by the end of TNP.

I don’t think Longstar would have ever been realistic to expect because he’s not a central enough character and not related to Fire/Tiger, and because he would have been fairly old for a clan cat by the time of Firestar’s death, but maybe he could have held out as deputy till the end of TNP or even early PO3 and been given a cooler and more memorable death than what he got. But more on that later.

We all know how badly this series shafts its disabled characters. Maybe this is trivial to some, but I really hate the retcon about his blindness. When his vision started failing of natural causes, it was still frustrating for the reasons above but it at least seemed like he made a voluntary choice to retire early. He maintained a degree of agency, and he made his own decision under the circumstances rather than having it taken from him by the narrative. Having him get blinded by a rabbit of all things just feels like a cheap shot to move the plot along. If he were going to have a freak accident, at least make it less stupid than an experienced warrior getting his eyes scratched out by a prey animal.

Not that any of them are handled *well* by any means, but we have roughly this same character arc with so many other characters who are given more depth in coming to terms with a permanent disability or disfigurement and having it alter the course of their lives (Cinderpelt, Brightheart, later on Briarlight…) that we didn’t need this one to happen to prove any kind of point or to say something too much different than any of those other instances.

The silver lining of Longtail’s injury is that it allows us to see more of his friendship with Mousefur than we would have gotten if either of them had died younger, and/or if they had faded to being background characters in the ever-growing ThunderClan roster. I really adore their dynamic. I headcanon them as aroace besties (iirc though this is basically canon for at least Mousefur). I find it so lovely and refreshing that a m/f pair of characters, and ones who are mostly very likable at that, can have a platonic relationship with so much care for each other without it eventually going down the marriage-and-children path that most m/f relationships eventually do in this series.

However.

Longtail’s death, and Mousefur’s role in it, are possibly even more frustrating and narratively awful than even the accident that caused his blindness.

Having him go out in such a cheap and easily preventable way felt like such a fucking slap in the face to these beloved characters who have been around from the very beginning of the series. Longtail had his whole life redefined and turned upside down by one random, frustrating freak accident involving prey and he ultimately lost his life to another one. Mousefur’s character was mishandled so grossly here, and a cat who is usually pretty sensible and grounded lost her best friend because she couldn’t let one (1) mouse go in a moment of what I have to assume is senility.

I am at least glad the two got a proper send-off in the Great Battle, with them getting to reunite on-screen and his spirit guiding her to Starclan after she fell in battle. It doesn’t quite make up for everything else given that Longtail had so much unused potential while alive, but it all would have been so, so much more upsetting if they weren’t given at least that much to close their chapters.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk about Longtail. He is so dear to my heart and deserved so much better than most of what he got.

.

[heyodaddio]

Songs that remind me of Trailer Park Boys characters

Cyrus: No More Mr. Nice Guy - Alice Cooper

Julian: Things I Do For Money - The Northern Pike's

Ricky: Self Esteem - The Offspring

[bonefall]

if jake isn’t firestar’s father, is tallstar still just as obsessed and parental with firestar?

imo, the funniest headcanon in warriors is that jake isn’t firestar’s father but tallstar is such a pining idiot he looks at any orange cat and sees his former crush. if he was alive to see all the fire spawn he would absolutely lose it.

noooOOOO I know everyone likes that but (quickly pauses to check ur pronouns, sees no pronouns listed) FRIEND i don't like that retcon at all, not even a tiny little bit

In TPB, Tallstar doesn't softball Fireheart until he's proven himself as someone very different from a standard Clan cat... even after he goes to fetch him from exile, he's standing firm that WindClan cannot forever be in ThunderClan's 'debt'. He even repays ThunderClan's "kindness" by attacking them over not executing a blinded Brokentail.

He ISN'T obsessed with Fireheart, he barely even speaks particularly nicely about him until Fireheart goes against Bluestar's DIRECT orders to stop war with WindClan, trying to rally ThunderClan for peace and broker a peace deal. I think it's actually a very good, touching development that Fireheart's actions end up causing peace with WindClan in a way previously unseen by Forest Four.

What sucks most about TPB is how they pivot, in the end, to say "status quo good" when the whole arc before that is a testament to how Bluestar and her protege Fireheart challenge that idea. Dethroning Brokenstar, fetching WindClan, feeding RiverClan which Blue only slaps Fire on the wrist for...

But it makes it a better story that Tallstar was always going to have a good opinion of Fireheart because he looks like a gay lover he had in his 20s???

I feel like it makes TPB worse and makes the WindClan Rebellion pathetic

Why couldn't it actually be that Tallstar truly wanted peace, but misjudged Onewhisker because he barely knew him? Why are we stripping away the tragedy that is Tallstar making a hasty, naive decision in the hopes of a better world, only to plunge his Clan into even more chaos? Not realizing that friendship is only easy when it's not under pressure, forgetting to consider how insidious Clan culture can be, and what sorts of horrors he was about to shackle Onewhisker to?

Why do we have to turn this into Tallstar trying to giving his ex-lover's son a political freebie, because they're both gingers? I don't like it at all. I don't like Pining Idiot Tallstar. I like it most as a naive choice which, up in heaven and far away, he now deeply regrets.

Thinking about it, you could say that BB!Tallstar's theme is naivety. Naive to think that he always understands the rules, and that he can 'have his cake and eat it too.'

He couldn't bring his son Fly to the Clan and expect him to stay innocent. He couldn't end the Shadow/Wind War while claiming the Mouthermouth Moorland. He couldn't wait until the last minute to change his deputy and expect the new leader to be what he wanted.

ANYWAY YEAH lmao sorry, got carried away. TLDR no. I know it's a popular headcanon and I don't knock on folks who like it, but it's not my cuppa tea. I very intentionally am retconning the retcons. Retconception if you will

[thefuseoftemptation]

WHENEVER HE WAS ON SCREEN: [EDDIE SWEARS]

US:

[hotcat37]

some more Rickyjules hcs 🏳️‍🌈🍉

-Ricky keeps trying to make Julian laugh with absurd sexual innuendos but Julian is so unimpressed by them lmao

-Julian is rlly insecure abt his tooth gap but Ricky reassures him that it's cute and Julian is just as handsome with or without the gap

-sometimes Julian finally gives in and gets drunk and eats chicken fingers with Ricky

-Julian refuses to wear any of Ricky's clothes in public because they're not all black (he's actually just embarrassed to be caught in them) but he does wear Ricky's sweatshirts and t-shirts at home. He likes how they smell like him and that despite Julian being more muscular than Ricky he has a slimmer frame overall so the clothes are just a size too big on him

-Ricky in return wears Julian's beanie sometimes when it's cold

-before they got together there were a lot of #sus moments between them that only Bubbles seemed to witness lmao

-Bubbles' cats keep breaking into the trailer and napping on Julian and Ricky cuz they're so comfy to lie on

-Julian lets Ricky infodump abt his favorite shows <3

-they both like tiramisu 💖

-they're extremely secretive abt their days as pet assassins and it only ever comes up during very serious arguments (the pilot isn't entirely accurate to canon but hypothetically speaking they'd take what they've done to the grave)

-Julian really likes Ricky's eyebrows for some reason but he wouldn't be caught dead saying it because he thinks it's weird lol

-Ricky actually thinks Julian's resting bitch face is cute, he just looks grumpy all the time xd

-as cats Ricky would be the feral but ultimately lazy orange cat and Julian is the cursed black cat who brings misfortune wherever he goes 🐈‍⬛🌈🐈

-Julian sleeps with a Djungelskog because holding something in his sleep helps the insomnia a little bit (bonus that the bear looks vaguely like Ricky)

-they are literally Blåhaj and Djungelskog personified 🦈 🐻

[the-owl-tree]

Brambleclaw being more like his mom is a wonderful concept, even though I do think him being awful is compelling if the author’s you know, recognized that. On the other hand, Tawnypelt could be like Tigerstar in her demeanor/mannerisms/personality. I always thought it was interesting how Tawnypelt was the one who left, while Brambleclaw seemed to have been treated worse due to being the spitting image of his father. When I first read TPB I came up with the “theory” (which is just headcanon at this point), that a lot of Clan was almost unnerved by how similar she acted to Tigerclaw pre-betrayal. They start to think that maybe SHE will end up like her father due to how similar she is to him, so she can’t be trusted. That’s why she went to her father, because even though she knows of his crimes, at least she won’t have to be around cats who think she’ll end up being a traitor like him. She was quite young when she left from what I can recall, so I don’t really fault her for making a weird choice as a teenager. It makes her turning down his offer to train her in the Dark Forest more powerful in my opinion. She acknowledges that she shares many similarities with her father, that doesn’t mean she is going to be like him in the end. She doesn’t want to prove the people unnerved by her in a way right.

I think not picking Tawnypelt as the TNP POV was such a big mistake. Like we know Bramble's arc, it wrapped up pretty neatly in the first arc! He had a sweet little scene where's he's like yeah I'm not my dad and I'm not defined by my relationship to my father :) and like yeah sure maybe he could've fallen back into those anxieties character regression is fine....but Tawnypelt would've been a fresh new POV! Like not only would it break the ThunderClan POV grip, but we'd also get to see her feelings, she's a character we otherwise didn't really get to fully see much of in comparison to her brother. I think she'd be the better point of view compared to what we got!

Very interesting HC...interesting if the older cats were honing in on something that isn't really there....LOTS of missed opportunity with Tawnypelt tbh