#truly so much of my behavior boils down to not wanting to deal with attacks retaliation harassment punishment

[msookyspooky]

Random Headcanon's for the Scream Character's

Billy really was a normal sweet kid and a good boyfriend before his mom left. Everyone paints him as always being crazy and his mom just triggered him but I honestly don't think that's true. Sidney and her parents would not have been okay with her dating a bad boy from Sophomore year onward. Sure it happens and maybe she saw past it but If Sidney would have seen how Billy acted with Randy in the videostore; instant break up imo. He could not have hid that side of himself for two years straight. Remember, they were dating a whole year prior to Maureen cheating. My theory is he may or may not have had a 'side' to him or other undiagnosed disorder in his gene pool (Mrs Loomis snapping too.) but Billy's psychotic breakdown was mostly situational + groomed by Roman and there were other things in his life that probably were boiling over and Debbie leaving him completely broke him. So, he was in an extremely vulnerable state when Roman came around and molded him. THAT is why Sidney trusted him so much in Scream before the phone incident and even somewhat after. Because Billy was a good boyfriend before her mom's murder and she would have never suspected it. Now how her or no one else could see him tumbling into madness or at least deep depression before Roman sank his talons in is beyond me. Maybe she did and he shrugged her off? Either way, the situation made him shut down all empathy towards other people and changed him. His empathy is towards his mom, possibly his dad since Hank never died and that is it. He has symptoms of a psychopath and even though that is usually genetic I 100% think a psychotic breakdown could do it as well.(Don't come for me bitch I'm not trained in any of this just using what I know from research 🧍‍♀️) If his mom never left and Roman didn't come along; Billy would have never been a killer

Contrary to Billy's situational psychological crazyness. Stu was always going to kill. I don't even think it's is he a sociopath vs a psychopath argument as much as he is just disconnected from reality. (Though he would most likely be a Sociopath if he was bc of his lack of boundaries as well impulsive behavior. Thinking killing was a game.) Stu possibly suffered abuse as a child. He was terrified of his parents more than the law. Either A. They abused him and permanently terrified him. Or B. He really has a stunted mentality and thinks of killing as a game and fears his parents more than the law bc the consequences are just not clicking LIKE A KID. He's like a giant little kid with no sense of how things work. He still could have been abused and that is what stunted his growth mentally. However, his violent tendacies were always there. Never preplanned just urgent anger or sadistic glee he couldn't control. Billy just suggested the killings and he was instantly down. Like, hell yeah cool. Most ppl no matter what mental illness they have or how severe are not that easy to convince. Whose to say he hadn't killed before or was planning to? My theory is he is so disconnected from reality that killing really is a giant fun game to him and he would have eventually murdered someone even without Billy.

Idk why this isn't more thought of throughout the fandom. Billy and Stu did not rape Maureen bc the evidence would have pointed to someone other than the guy they were framing. Cotton Weary had sex with Maureen, left, Billy and Stu taunted her on the phone and lured her away, they killed her, police suspected rape bc A. they didn't know about the affairs. B. Cotton's semen or her discharge or bruising being there. They naturally assumed it was rape but in actuality no one raped her. Cotton's dna from their affair incriminated him even more. Not saying that Billy and Stu would think of rape as morally wrong enough not to do in their book BUT it would have been stupid on their part and made it obvious there were other suspects besides Cotton.

Stu isn't a lapdog. Stu literally revealed on the phone he was going to throw Billy under the bus. He hesitated giving him the knife. Stu is like a kid. He most likely suffered trauma that regressed his mental age. He's eager to please, desperate for attention and most likely fawns over people he feels close to in an obsessive way. He could have even been in love with Billy and vice versa which is why he was so eager to please him. However, he was not nearly as stupid or a lapdog as much as the fandom makes him out to be. I think Randy saying it in the videostore sealed the deal for people even though he was only acting like that bc he was helping Billy too and covering their tracks. Billy was the one with the plan. Stu just tagged along out of the urge to kill. But he 100% had his own plan to kill and bail if needed. My mind is made up on that.

There was a third killer in Scream and it wasn't a teen or Roman. You're telling me two 17-18 yr old guys could come up with every detail? Roman only told Billy the basics. How did they get tactical police shoes? How did they get to the houses so fast and leave just as quickly? How did they both take down and restrain Steve or Neil by themselves enough to tie them up? Sure, Stu was deranged and tall but these two lanky teens were able to take on a football player with muscles and a grown man? Possible but stil meh to me. Their plan was too thorough for two teen boys to come up with on their own. Both crazy. One completely unhinged and disconnected from reality and the other so blinded by revenge he was stupid at times. (Fucking stabbing yourselves before killing Neil and Sidney. Not even thinking to AT LEAST tie Sidney up as well...Really? Jill was smarter in 4 in that respect tbh.) I truly think their was an adult involved in Scream helping them or guiding them. I would say Roman if it wasn't for him going back to Hollywood. But Billy and Stu had help DURING the killings 100%.

Randy is not this mecha survival final boy like the fandom thinks. The kid watched one too many horror movies and based them on real life. Scream itself is making fun of slasher movies and Randy was supposed to be the narrator setting most of the dumb rules up into play. Everyone is like "omg that's so out of character how he died in 2" no its not. If the rules work then him losing his virginity did him in. He was drinking, he was pissed off and not thinking. Plus Mrs. Loomis attacked in broad daylight, something no one thought of. (And the whole debate how a middle aged woman could pull him in. LOOK. Randy is a fucking small guy and she grabbed him backwards, using momentum to haul him back into the van. PLUS she was enraged at what he said about Billy. Adrenaline is a hell of a super drug as far as testing the bodies limits. I have seen tiny girls become the hulk when they are pissed I'm jus sayin) Point is, Randy was just a teen boy that loved horror movies. He was not some survival guide especially since it showed him even on the couch not aware of Ghostface behind him. He was a giant satire showing how even he didn't always follow the rules of slasher movies and how dumb the rules are.

Tatum loved Sidney and had more chemistry with her than Billy. I am not saying they weren't just BFF's and I don't want to ruin female friendship with constantly thinking "omg they are gay together" any time two women are close. BUT it is strange that it was only those two as friends especially since Sidney didn't fit into Tatum's popular social circle. It's like Tatum went out of her way to be friends with Sidney. Maybe they were childhood friends and that's why? But I think it's entirely possible that just like it's speculated that Stu and Billy were secretly in love; Tatum possibly was at least bi and in love with Sidney.

[blackjack-15]

Death, Philosophy, and the Runs — Thoughts on: Legend of the Crystal Skull (CRY)

Previous Metas: SCK/SCK2, STFD, MHM, TRT, FIN, SSH, DOG, CAR, DDI, SHA, CUR, CLK, TRN, DAN, CRE, ICE

Hello and welcome to a Nancy Drew meta series! 30 metas, 30 Nancy Drew Games that I’m comfortable with doing meta about. Hot takes, cold takes, and just Takes will abound, but one thing’s for sure: they’ll all be longer than I mean them to be.

Each meta will have different distinct sections: an Introduction, an exploration of the Title, an explanation of the Mystery, a run-through of the Suspects. Then, I’ll tackle some of my favorite and least favorite things about the game, and finish it off with ideas on how to improve it. Like with all of the Odd Games, there will be a section between The Intro and The Title called The Weird Stuff, where I go into what makes this game stand out as a little strange.

If any game requires an extra section or two, they’ll be listed in the paragraph above, along with links to previous metas.

These metas are not spoiler free, though I’ll list any games/media that they might spoil here: CRY, mention of CUR, mention of ASH.

The Intro:

 It’s time for New Orleans, y’all.

Legend of the Crystal Skull is a game that’s often rated highly by the fandom, especially for its atmosphere (which is among the most well-done and pervasive of the whole series). Honestly speaking, were it not for the mental health/death/immortality storyline(s), CRY would simply be a Jetsetting game a bit out of order, given its fascination with its location (even if the amount of locations is slightly smaller).

One of the high points of this game is honestly its location and ambiance. CRY takes the idea of the “dark and stormy night” and plays it to perfection, cloaking everything in such thick atmosphere that the players, like Nancy, can’t always see the way ahead, and have to take leaps of faith every once in a while.

The characters contribute to the thick atmosphere; Bruno is a shadow, Henry’s hiding everything under a guise of nonchalance and a fishnet glove, Renée is all gardening grandma hospitality but never says anything about herself, Gilbert has Southern Manners while avoiding saying anything bad even when he means it, and Lamont refuses to get involved in anything outside his shop. They aren’t perfect suspects, but they’re good characters, and it elevates the game.

Bess’ hesitance to delve into this atmosphere makes her the perfect partner for Nancy who begins by investigating just who the Skeleton Man was who attacked her before spiraling deeper and deeper into the mysteries surrounding Bruno Bolet and his crystal skull.

But while the costumes, pageantry, puns, and secrets all contribute to the atmosphere, nothing quite reaches the same level of Sheer Aesthetic as Bruno’s last years being dedicated to finding a crystal skull. Glittery and gothic with power over life and death, it’s easy to see why the game is named after it (which, of course, I’ll get into below).

This isn’t to say that CRY is all sizzle and no substance — far from it. CRY doesn’t attempt to teach the player the entire history of New Orleans, the complex background and practices of voodoo (or any of its other sister practices), nor does it get into iguana physiology or the mechanics of how to make someone sneeze or get the runs.

While education is of course present in CRY, it’s more centered in philosophy than in hard, straight facts. Professor Hotchkiss – a returning character perfectly suited to the French-influenced New Orleans and her love of slightly sinister history – gives the mission statement of the game, summing up its central philosophical question – “Does this mean that there mysterious external forces at work in the universe of which we do not and cannot ever have full knowledge? Or does it all boil down to us? If the human heart desperately wants something to be true, does the human mind have the power to make it true?”

It’s a fascinating question, and touches on all sorts of real-life phenomenon – the power of suggestion, the placebo effect, intelligent design, among others – without ever seeming like HER is trying to Teach a Lesson. Out of all the edutainment elements in this series, CRY (and I would add ASH in here as well) features some of the most subtle work that HER ever accomplishes.

The Weird Stuff:

Of course, a discussion (one-sided as these metas mostly are) of CRY wouldn’t be complete without addressing the things that qualify it to be a truly Odd Game within the Nancy Drew franchise.

The first and most obvious is that we’re dealing with death – and a recent death at that — for the first time in a while. We’d have to go all the way back to CLK to see another death of a relative not long before the mystery starts, and Emily’s mom’s death and Josiah Crowley’s death don’t hang over CLK the way Bruno Bolet’s death hangs over CRY.

Bruno is given instead more weight – part of the mystery is figuring out who he was, what he liked, what he wanted, and what he did every day, especially leading up to his death. The house is almost a stand in character for Bruno; it reflects him perfectly, including all the things that were important to him, and just as determined to keep his secrets. A lot of Nancy Drew games have the house/location as a character, but only a few associate the location with a specific character, and CRY does it possibly the best.

The second thing that makes this game so odd is the showcasing of an abusive relationship. Sure, Summer doesn’t hit Henry or anything, but is just as abusive all the same, and the game doesn’t shy away from showing her horrible behavior and the effect that it has on Henry. He stays with her because, like a lot of abuse victims, he doesn’t think he can do ‘better’ – that somehow this is what he deserves – and the only slight problem with how it’s portrayed is that we don’t get to see Henry leave her and be happier.

Lastly, in an oddity for Nancy Drew games so far, mental illness is put at the front and center of the game (rather than being a one-off random thing not really mentioned like in CUR). Henry, separate from the abuse he receives from Summer, is obviously depressed, and the game doesn’t really shy away from showing it. Sure, they might not use the term “clinical depression”, but that doesn’t mean that it’s not acknowledged. Henry’s depression, his sadness, his feeling of being out of control and yet still tied down – that permeates every moment of the game, and especially his conversations with Nancy. The whole reason Nancy’s there at the Bolet mansion in the first place is because Ned was worried about his shy, depressed classmate.

Gosh, Ned is such a good guy. He deserves so much better than Nancy “Lacks Tact” Drew.

Unlike a lot of the “Odd” games, the odd things in CRY don’t detract from the game; they make the game what it is. It’s a bit more mature, a little more introspective, a touch less black and white than most of the Nancy Drew games have been up until this point. No characters are simply caricatures, there’s very little stereotyping (for a ND game), and it’s not pointlessly spooky or try-hard in any way. CRY is the rare game that simply is what it aspired to be; while what it aspired to be was odd (and it is Odd), it doesn’t make it bad. It makes it feel genuine and honest – and after ICE, I can’t think of anything better for a game to aspire to be.

The Title:

We’re getting to the portion of Nancy Drew games where, regardless of the quality of the actual games, their titles are smash hits every time. “Legend of the Crystal Skull” is an incredibly good title on multiple levels.

First, it tells us what the game is about – not the Crystal Skull itself, but the legend of it – the myths, mysteries, and effects of the Skull. Not only does it (correctly) indicate that this game is a little more about philosophy than it is about something concrete.

The second thing it does is establish a sense of mysticism that is reinforced the second the game begins. We’re in New Orleans, we’re learning about this Crystal Skull, it’s dark, rainy, and spooky, there’s death and specters and possibly more afoot…and this doesn’t start with the Skeleton Man cutscene, or the phone call, or even the warning on the screen to play with the lights off – it starts with the title.

The Mystery:

We begin with Nancy and Bess visiting New Orleans – the French Quarter, to be specific – for a fun little vacation, only to be met with a Dark and Stormy Night. Ned, knowing of his girlfriend’s plans to visit New Orleans, asks her if she can check up on a classmate of his who’s going through a hard time: Henry Bolet.

Determined to get the visit out of the way, Nancy leaves Bess back at the hotel and traipses over to the Bolet Mansion. When she walks in – I know, honestly, Nancy –  the open door, she’s greeted by a person in a skeleton costume in the front room, rather than a miserable college student.

She’s soon knocked out by the Skeleton Man, coming to when an elderly woman offers her an odd concoction and the Skeleton is long gone. Soon, Nancy discovers that Henry’s dead uncle was in possession of a Crystal Skull that was to protect its owner against any source of death other than murder, the plot starts to thicken quicker than a bubbling roux.

CRY is home to an incredibly solid mystery, full of atmosphere, colorful characters, and even a food minigame as if to draw me in specifically. While I don’t think it’s the best Nancy Drew game by a long shot, I would say that it’s definitely the best of the Odd games, and by far the most successful mystery + atmosphere combination that we’ll have until we reach SAW, quite a few games later.

Now, let’s move on to our colorful characters.

The Suspects:

We’ll start with Renee Amande, as I think she’s our first character who is properly introduced post-cutscene (with her concoction). Bruno’s elderly housekeeper, Renee is a practitioner of voodoo (kind of) and a believer in the crystal skulls – she wants to reunite all thirteen of them to move the world to a higher plane of understanding.

Our villain, yet not our killer – not directly at least – the only thing Renee is guilty of other than attempted murder of a plucky Illinois detective is falsifying a letter. The shock of the “false” crystal skull shocked Bruno so badly that he had a heart attack and died, but Renee didn’t actually kill him. She’s one of those villains in Nancy Drew stories who commit a minor crime, and jump immediately to murder when she’s discovered.

As the villain, Renee is actually the only suspect that could even work. The game plays with Dr. Buford and the mysterious Skeleton Man, but in reality Renee’s the only one with motive and opportunity. But, given that Nancy spends 3/4ths of the game trying to figure out what crime has actually been committed, rather than working with cold hard facts, that works out pretty well.

Henry Bolet, on the other hand, is apparently catnip to a good section of the Nancy Drew fandom, and is the closest thing to a living victim that we actually have in this game. When his parents died, he was shipped off to live with Bruno – and Bruno shipped him off to military school, so he should be a bit more muscular than he is – and he’s never gotten over their deaths.

Like, “Nancy finds him crying over his parents” kind of never got over their deaths.

I’ll be honest, while I know lots of people who did Love him with everything in them, I never really saw the appeal of Henry Bolet as a love interest for anyone, or even as a compelling character. His voice actor – Brian Neel – does a great job, with his voice definitely being the part of him with the most obvious appeal, but otherwise…maybe it comes from my distaste for underdog stories, maybe it’s that I’m no good with crying people, who knows.

As a suspect, Henry’s pretty much out from the moment that he confesses to Nancy that he sold a trunk for quick cash for his abusive girlfriend. HER isn’t bold enough to have that be a lie, nor are they dumb enough to make him the culprit after that. Henry’s out of the running for most of the game, but he never really becomes Nancy’s confidante, not like other early-clear suspects.

Henry’s an interesting puzzle as a character, but that more comes from his place as the central piece of CRY’s “Oddness”, rather than any interest in him as a possible suspect.

On the other end of fandom appeal lies Dr. Gilbert Buford, whose greatest sin as a character is declaring an obvious heart attack an obvious heart attack and using regular, polite Louisiana manners for a man of his age while interacting with a character who obviously has no problem with it at all.

Dr. Buford is hard at work giving the majority of Bruno’s characterization that doesn’t come from his house to him, as well as giving a truly excellent scare when finding Bess in the Secret Meeting scene. As a suspect, Buford is a moderately good one – cagey, a doctor, knows about the Skull – but ultimately falls short as he just has too many of his own secrets to carry.

I personally like Gilbert Buford as a character, and find him an entertaining source of exposition – but then, I grew up around Southern manners (and military manners, which aren’t too dissimilar), so that might be the reason why.

Rounding out our suspect list – though barely qualifying himself, honestly, is Lamont Warrick, owner of a curio shop and intensely vulnerable to hot sauce and sneezing powder.

One can only imagine the Horror that would occur if Nancy were to mix those two allergens. Well, one can also Giggle at the mental image, but still.

As a suspect…well, even HER knew that he was a non-entity; his biggest part to play is actually after the game concludes, where he closes his curio shop in order to search for Bernie, who has swallowed the crystal skull.

I guess someone had to search for it? I’d love a follow-up with him, maybe over Labor Day, or Memorial Day, where Bess goes back to see if he’s had any luck, only to find that he found a dead body along with the alligator, and in order to not get suspected for the murder, they have to bring the body with them and pretend that it’s alive, taking it to bingo games over the course of the 3 vacation days.

Yes, that was all to set up a bad “Weekend at Bernie’s” reference. Hush.

The Favorite:

As you might have guessed from…well, most of this meta, one of my favorite parts of CRY is the sheer atmosphere that the game embodies from its beginning through the closing puzzle.

The Bolet mansion is just the right amount of cluttered yet comfortable, shadowy yet detailed, and gloomy yet homey to be a nigh-perfect location. The graveyard isn’t hard to navigate, is filled with puns, and does a lot of the character work for Bruno and (to a slightly lesser extent) Henry while allowing both characters to be private and a bit mysterious. The greenhouse is simultaneously cozy and elegant and yet slightly cage-ish and slightly claustrophobic.

Even the locations that Nancy stays away from — the hotel balcony, Zeke’s, the food truck, the secret meeting — are thick with a different kind of atmosphere: less wet, less foggy, more brightly lit, more French Quarter than haunting mansion. Bess’ locations are welcoming yet secretive, perfect for the reluctant amateur-amateur detective who just wants her vacation to be fun and mystery-free.

Adding to the atmosphere is the sheer number of cutscenes/cinematic camera usages in CRY. The opening with the Skeleton Man, Bess getting caught at the meeting, opening the final crypt, Renee shutting the tomb…they’re all so perfect, and do a great job at making you feel really immersed in Nancy’s New Orleans experience.

My favorite puzzle is honestly finding the glass eyes. CRY isn’t really a game I remember for its puzzles; they fade a little bit into the background (with the exclusion of a couple I don’t like) because they’re well integrated into the story, and because the game doesn’t really grind to a halt to make Nancy complete minigames like in, for example, CUR.

My favorite moment is split between two very different moments. The first is, unsurprisingly, the conversation with Hotchkiss mentioned above where she lays out the theme of the game. It’s a shockingly nice moment in the game, coming in the start/middle of the mystery and being a familiar face – er, voice – for Nancy to get help from. It’s a moment that lets you stop and think about what Nancy’s actually dealing with, rather than effectively pausing the game through a rhymed puzzle about the skull or other such nonsense.

The other moment is a little more obvious and a little flashy – the moment when Bess is discovered at the Skeleton meeting. The tension right before, the sudden pop-up of the skeleton mask between the boxes, the conversation afterwards…it’s just as close as possible to a perfect scene. It’s long enough before Bess is discovered that the player can kind of get comfortable, but not so long that it drags on. The moment of discovery is startling, but not scream-worthy or too scary to replay over and over or in the dark. It’s just great.

The Un-Favorite:

There’s not a ton to complain about with CRY, but I do have a few small things that make replaying it somewhat of a chore.

The first is my least favorite puzzle: the loquat bug spraying. It takes a long time, it feels shoved in the game just to have an extra puzzle, and Nancy can only take one loquat at a time. I feel like the player should be able to take up to 3, and then come back and do it again if they need/want any more loquats. Honestly, it’s a puzzle in a place where a puzzle really just shouldn’t be.

My least favorite moment in the game would probably be the chest that Henry sells to Lamont. After selling it and building it up for quite a few minutes, it’s kind of a letdown that it only has a few things it in. This would have been a great place to have more character-building work done, but instead the focus is on “how do we find it/open it” and less on “what can this do for the story”.

Finally, I mentioned it above, but I’m not a fan of how Lamont pretty much is a non-entity in the game. I’m fine with one suspect being less suspicious or having less ‘dirt’ on them than the rest, but Lamont really doesn’t have anything on him. He’s never a suspect for the Skeleton Man, he doesn’t really do anything sketchy…he’s just underwhelming.

The Fix:

So how would I fix Legend of the Crystal Skull?

I think really the only fix that I would attempt is to give Lamont a little more plot significance. Sure, his curio shop is beautiful and wonderful and important to the plot, but Lamont himself really isn’t. In order to include him more in the plot, make Lamont a bona-fide treasure hunter that manages the curio shop for cash in between expeditions. He’s heard that Bruno has a treasure that people have killed for, but couldn’t figure out what it was before Bruno’s death. He buys the chest from Henry and searches it top-to-bottom trying to figure out if it’s hiding something since it’s obviously Bruno’s personal chest.

To add a bit more importance, I’d place him at the Bolet mansion on the night of Bruno’s death as well. Renee’s there, Dr. Buford is there, Henry we’ve already written off completely in the actual game as a suspect, so Lamont should be there as well, snooping around to try to figure out what treasure Bruno’s got and if he can persuade him to sell it (or at least let Lamont see it). Nancy can match footprints in the garden to his boots, or some other method of proving he was there. I’d just like for Lamont not to drop off the map early on. It also makes his canonical ending that much neater.

Honestly, that’s it.

Sure, I’d appreciate the loquat bug spraying minigame to be fixed as well, but CRY is honestly a pretty character-based game, thick with philosophy and legends, and it doesn’t need a ton of help in that area. Make all the suspects viable for most of the game, and I think an already entertaining and atmospheric game would be just a little bit better.

[unluckyadept]

Flare of the Morning Star

<<—Previous——————Flare of the Morning Star——————Next—>>

PART III: LIVING NIGHTMARE

Somehow… he always knew it would come to this.

Always.

He had dared to believe that the darkness could be pushed back, and he could finally move on in his life as the sun finally began to rise at last.

Instead, he was tormented mercilessly as time pressed on, making it clear there would not be a sunrise. Not for him.

This is why we can’t have nice things.

Be aware that the following themes are present in the text below.

Locked In The Dungeon

Denied Food As Punishment

A Taste of the Lash

To The Pain

Fed to the Beast (Threatened)

Rape, Pillage, and Burn (Threatened)

Forced to Watch (Threatened)

Public Execution (Intended/Attempted)

Make An Example of Them (Intended)

[He was surprised when he woke up in chains.

Not so much because of the chains themselves; more over the fact he had woken up at all.]

“…”

[He remembered the blaze of glory, the sheer power of triumph. He was destroying them, and then suddenly, after shattering their might—

Nothing.]

“…”

[Was it enough to save them from the terrors of a life under tyranny? They had spent so long preparing for that very day, and they had driven back the attack—and he had put in the strongest of measures to prevent the Tolbi Empire from just overrunning them and brutalizing the populace into submission.

Had it been enough?

He had no doubts at all that it had been worth it. Of course it was worth it. But had it been enough? That was the real question.]

“…”

[If he didn’t break free, then they would try and break him. Knowing this, however, only left him with a cold feeling of unmoved resolve.

They certainly couldn’t coerce him with threats on his life; he knew very well that—unless he escaped—there were no scenarios that ended with him surviving the ordeal. With that in mind, anything else was ultimately redundant.

They would try, but they would not succeed. They had no real power over him. What could they blackmail him with? Not his family. Not his hometown. Not Lalivero. Not Sheba. Certainly not the Grand Master Tamer, who would be unmoved if the face of torture.

He wondered what his friend would say now. He had tried to ask about this very moment, this nightmare that wasn’t breaking—but the Proxan had refused to entertain the notion.

And he supposed, upon reflection, that the answer was the same.

His duties did not change just because he was now captive to tyranny, and soon to be punished for standing up against it. No… if anything, it was all the more serious of a task, since the reward would not be of any benefit to him, and may not come to others for a long time.

He was grateful that the Teleport Lapis was with Sheba and the rest of the Alchemy artifacts were in Prox. The Sol Blade, too, was in Lalivero—he had taken the Rune Blade, as this had been meant as a scouting mission.

He was mildly surprised that he was still in his armor, but perhaps they liked the visual of an opposing general in chains. It would make sense, given how much they relied on propaganda and drama, all smoke and mirrors.]

“…”

[He found that he had no energy to use the brooch. No real energy at all, really.

Not too surprising. After what he had been put through, it really was a marvel that he was alive at all. It was to be expected that he was absolutely burned out.

Ah well. It couldn’t be said he didn’t think of it, didn’t try.

There just hadn’t been enough time.]

“…”

[Tired.

He was too tired to be angry, upset, or afraid at this point.

He had a long fight ahead of him. A battle against abject despair. He needed to fight for the will to live. Without it, he would fall.

Undoubtedly, Darzul would have a fiery motivational speech right now. Certainly, it wasn’t the end yet. He wasn’t going to put up with this for long—he would die free before surrender to tyranny, ultimately.

So this wasn’t a surrender. No.]

“…”

[He squinted against the light of the morning as sun filtered through the cell and hit his face.

Whether for good or ill, the day was only just beginning. It had started off terribly, and he knew he had a long fight ahead of him.

But this wasn’t over.

Not even close.]

=-=-=-=-=-=-=

“{So. It really IS you, after all these years.}”

“…”

[Felix kept an unmoved expression, despite the utterly humiliating circumstances.

Chains held him tightly in place against the wall, preventing him from folding his arms in.

His gloves and his cape had been taken away, leaving old scars plain to see.

Old scars that were on record. And he had to be somewhat impressed that they’d managed to figure it out so quickly, that they were able to identify him and pull his records.]

“{You’re just a real thorn in our side, aren’t you? Determined to be a criminal agitator that creates chaos in his wake. Never satisfied, are you? Well, now you’ve outlasted your luck, names aside.}”

[He gave a very unamused expression at this.]

“{Do you know what happens to murderers and agitators in Tolbi?}”

“{Vaguely.}”

“{Oh, so you CAN speak. AND in our language.}”

“…”

[The officer tapped something against his hand, giving a displeased stare.]

“{Good. It wouldn’t be nearly as meaningful if you didn’t understand what was going on.}”

[Felix gave a bitter, exhausted, and scornful grin at this.]

“{You won’t be smiling for long. You think you have some sort of victory here?}”

“{Do you really want to know?}”

“{You are incredibly impertinent.}”

“{Why waste our time if you will try and silence me at every turn?}”

“{At least you have some degree of insight.}”

[Tap. Tap.]

“…”

“…”

[There was a harsh noise as his captor suddenly lashed out—literally—and streaks of pain sliced across the left side of his face. He had unwittingly cringed and recoiled against the pain, so his shoulders and wrists were also left sore, and his sense of dignity damaged as blood ran down his face.]

“{Learn your place. You have crimes to answer for, and you will answer for them.}”

[Felix managed to give a glower to match the other man’s cold glare, the two of them growing increasingly tense in alpha domination and defiance.]

“{If you think that you do yourself any favor or flattery by continuing to defy us, you are vastly mistaken. Do not think for a moment that it will earn you any admiration or glory.}”

[He could taste the overpowering taste of iron, now, but he remained silent.

Oh, he had much to say. So much to say.

But he would wait. He would wait until he were dealing with someone worth his time.

On some level, the other man recognized this unspoken message, and it left him fuming.

This time, the lashes hit across his right forearm, and it truly burned. He gritted his teeth in the aftermath—equally out of pain as out of scorn. He glared at the other man, who was turning to leave the room.

The temptation to exert his own dominance and authority was strong. Very strong. He was not afraid to do so, not at all—

But he did want it to be worth the effort, and this man was not honorable enough for that.

He had to give a rueful laugh at this. How absolutely absurd that he hoped that he’d get a chance to deal with someone who treated him as an equal. An enemy, but an equal. How absurd, that his primary thought was injured Pride, over outrage at the very situation.

Sheba, for her part, would not be amused at this. And Ray would be “disappointed”, in a very angry way.]

({I stand by my decisions. And frankly, I’m tired of it.})

[He looked up with a sudden glare, brooding in alpha dominance.]

({It’s about TIME someone stood up to these dictatorial tyrants. I’m SICK AND TIRED of ALWAYS living in fear of them! They have been RUINING my life with fear for DECADES!})

[He drew himself up to his full height, clenching his fists and teeth tightly.]

({I’m not just going to let them take away EVERYTHING that matters! I will fight. I will fight with everything I have. I WILL FIGHT TO THE END!})

[For the first time he could remember, he was _brimming_ with anger, but not crushed with the pressure of power. He’d burned himself out, and his rage no longer drew forth energy from the world, unleashing it in raw form. Truly, he was as weak as a normal man now, if much more sturdy.

And yet, that didn’t burden him in the slightest. He didn’t feel helpless, and certainly not given to despair.

He let out a small laugh.]

({Dirty tricks in the middle of the night by a pack of brutal COWARDS who hack and BURN everything that they don’t like… that’s the EPITOME of weakness.})

[He was filled with an inner fire.]

({I expected better than such a spineless ruse. Not sure why… they don’t see us as real people, only as slaves they are entitled to work to death, to dispose of at any moment, utterly reliant on them to survive. I should have expected something so appalling and dirty.})

[He closed his eyes, wiping what he could of his face against his shoulder.]

({Well, they’ve underestimated me. Vastly underestimated me. And that will be their downfall, that they can’t even come CLOSE to matching me when I’m awake.})

[Oh yes, they were going to find out. They would find out the hard way.

For he was no whipped hound to be abused into a cowering mess—he was an wild wolf, an Alpha with the fire of dragons boiling in his core.]

({This. Isn’t. Over.})

[Felix was daydreaming in contentment about working at the forges when the sound of the door opening interrupted his peace. He opened his eyes, looking on with mild disinterest as several people walked into the room.]

“{Is it true that you understand our speech?}”

[Felix gave an unamused frown, saying nothing at first.

The conversation was starting off better than the last one had gone, but it was evident that his behavior had reached the ears of someone with more authority and power. He would have liked to think that would make them more reasonable, but he could not imagine that he would be treated any differently than he had been up to that point.]

“{I suggest you answer before your refusal to do so costs you the ability to speak at all.}”

[He gave a brief look of unmoved gravity before speaking up in a flat tone.]

“{Why?}”

[A pause at that.]

“{How do you know our speech?}”

[Felix grinned at this, smirking in amusement.]

“{I learned it from your best scholar, decades ago.}”

[This clearly came as some sort of surprise. Felix shifted his weight, leaning more casually against the wall.

It was true. Kraden had taught him how to read and write in the language of the Tolbi scholars, as Kraden himself had been. It was Garet’s mother that taught them how to read in the language of Vale—but he hadn’t paid much attention to either until after several years into his exile.]

“{This shouldn’t come as a surprise to you.}”

“{Name the man.}”

[He closes his eyes and shook his head at this.]

“{I will not warn you a third time.}”

“{I have no interest in facilitating the injury of my former teacher. He’s a good man… and does not deserve to be hunted down.}”

“{If you cannot name him, then I reject your claim as a lie.}”

[Felix remained unmoved.]

“{I will not repeat myself, either. It would waste our time.}”

“{I begin to see why you were reported as a particularly haughty agitator.}”

[Felix gestured as best as he could.]

“{There isn’t much point to responding one way or another, if one won’t be permitted to finish their response to others. It wasn’t worth my time or effort to interact with someone who didn’t have the prudence to listen.}”

“{You presume much about your situation.}”

“{Do I? Just because I realize others see me as beneath them doesn’t mean I am unworthy of respect.}”

“{Respect?}”

“{Come now. When one faces their equal or superior in battle, respect is necessary in order to take them seriously as a worthy opponent. If you do not see or treat me that way, then it’s not worth your time to bother, and not worth mine to interact. Surely, as someone with many responsibilities, you can see the value of not wasting time, and the implications of devoting time from what limited amount there is.}”

“{You have done nothing worthy of respect, but you are right about one thing: my time is not to be wasted.}”

“{Pity. I should have liked the opportunity to speak with an equal.}”

“{I am superior to you.}”

“{On what grounds?}”

“{You are a prisoner, and I am a commanding officer of the greatest army in Weyard.}”

“{Hmm. So then, why are you wasting your time with a ‘mere’ prisoner?}”

“{I am not answerable to you.}”

“{Then there is nothing for us to discuss.}”

[The soldier lowered his eyelids.]

“{You act above your station, and with far too much disrespect for someone in your position.}”

“{I am willing to be respectful, but I shall not be deferential. There is a difference.}”

“{Again with the impertinence. You owe us both.}”

[Felix just shook his head in silence.]

“{Still defiant? There will be consequences for that.}”

“{Is that meant to intimidate me?}”

“{I would question your sanity, let alone intelligence, if you are truly unafraid.}”

“…”

“…”

“{We know what you are capable of. Kidnapping, blackmail, assault, arson, murder of armed and unarmed men—assassinations, even—this only adds to your list of crimes. Creatures like you aren’t even worth being called ‘men’. Such lawless barbarity is beyond that.}”

“{I am not going to waste our time responding to your accusations.}”

[A pair of spears were leveled at his throat, but he only laughed.]

“{This man is mad as well as barbaric…}”

“{You think this is the first time someone has leveled a blade to my throat? Hardly. How utterly absurd.}”

“{We’ll see how you fare when subjected to the punishment you have earned. Something tells me you won’t be full of bravado then.}”

“{Always looking for a show, aren’t you?}”

“{You really ought to take the matter more seriously.}”

“{I respect you enough to say this: if you have something to say or ask, do so. If you have something to do, please get on with it. And if not… I’d rather we not waste any more of each other’s time.}”

[The soldier seemed to think this over. As best Felix could tell, he was tempted to act on his own… but prohibited from acting freely due to not being high enough of a rank to do whatever he pleased.

Ultimately, he commanded the other soldiers to stand guard outside the cell, and left Felix in silence.

After they finally let him be, he let out a slow sigh and closed his eyes.

Maybe now wasn’t the time for daydreaming, but he was going to have to wait for a better opportunity or greater necessity. And he needed to remember why he was doing this, anyway. Why it was worth it.

Why he absolutely had to put up with whatever happened by fighting against it.]

[He wasn’t about to give up what he had. What he had earned, after so long in exile.

He had been happy, before all of this. He had been at peace, and lived in peace. His life was his own; he was his own man, and he wasn’t about to let all of that fall away.]

({If they think this is the end of it, they’ve got another thing coming.})

[Even if he were overpowered, it wouldn’t be over.

And they were in for a massive wake-up call if they thought that they could coerce him into submission.]

({This still isn’t over.})

[Daydreams turned to real dreams as the time went by.

At first, his dreams were pleasant. And perhaps that was the main reason he slept as soundly as he did.

He slept away valuable hours, only waking to the loud clatter of someone opening the cell door and—more importantly—lashing him across the face again. He didn’t really have time to react before he was hit a second time—and he only just managed to shut his eyes in time.]

“{I’ve heard a fair bit about you.}”

[He made an effort to try and return his breathing to normal as the new voice continued.]

“{Why do you think so highly of yourself? Do you not understand your situation?}”

[He raised his head, squinting through the bloody bangs that were plastered to his face.

One of the Tolbi soldiers was standing at the doorway, his hands behind his back. At his side, he carried none other than the Rune Blade—Felix’s own sword.

And he was struck with weary emptiness, thinking back on how confident he had been that _he_ would have been the one presenting his friends with the spoils of victory.]

({I’m sorry, Brandish…})

[Instead, it was his gear that would be flaunted as a prize.]

({To the victor goes the sword of the fallen.})

[Well.

He wasn’t quite fallen yet.]

“{I understand your intentions perfectly well.}”

[He raised his head, looking at the other man with an unmoved expression.]

“{I always have.}”

[He gave an empty smile.]

“{It doesn’t change the truth of what happened.}”

[The other man stepped forward.]

“{I will say this but once: surrender, or suffer the consequences.}”

“{Why would I surrender? You have no intention of letting me live either way. It’s no benefit to anyone else for me to surrender. And even if there were, I don’t trust that you’d keep your word.}”

“{For whatever reason, you chose to defend Lalivero. If you wish to have them spared, you will surrender.}”

[Felix glared.]

“{You are never going to take Venus Lighthouse.}”

“{Do you think mere mountains will stop us? It is only a matter of time before the city falls.}”

“{Your empire has been falling apart all year long. Don’t think we haven’t noticed—}”

[He was interrupted by the end of the Rune Blade being put right to his throat.]

“{I’ve heard enough. You have chosen a bitter end. Not only for yourself, but for that miserable city of cowards.}”

[Felix gave a very unimpressed expression.]

“{You’re the ones who were so desperate to terrorize a peaceful people without having to face them. Tell me, who’s the real coward? The one who stood up against a professional army to protect his family from a life of slavery, or the heavily armed soldier who ran as soon as their target started fighting back?}”

[He saw it coming, and he was faster.

Gripping the chains to hoist himself up higher, he delivered a sound kick to his captor, striking the man back with considerable force and knocking him off balance.

This only served to anger him, however—]

“{Pin him down!}”

[But Felix wasn’t at all concerned when the others held him in place, because he wasn’t done yet.]

[Felix used ECHO!]

[Before the soldier could strike, he was slammed back much more forcefully than the first time, much to the surprise and alarm of all the others present… given he hadn’t moved.]

“{I’d stop now, if I were you.}”

“{You will not live to regret that—!}”

[And Felix could sense it in the soldier, plain as day; the Life in his heart and the Death in his hands.

And feeling the chilling brutality leveled at him with complete disregard for his humanity filled him with a cold fury.

He had lived far too long playing the part of the deferential peacemaker, hiding from conflict and avoiding confrontation. Nearly two thirds of his whole life, chained to an unwillingness to stand up for himself to others who mistreated him.

And he was fed up with it.

He had been pushed around and punished for what he valued for the last time.]

[He had no hesitation at all in what he did next.]

[Felix used BANE!]

[The aggressive Djinn plowed directly into the soldier before he could strike. A dark aura of deep red consumed him, and a crippling toxicity spiked in his blood.

The blow itself had almost knocked him out entirely, but the venom that came along with it sapped his strength completely, causing him to collapse.

Of the two men restraining him further, one of them rushed over to his superior, and the other just backed away in horror.

Felix glared at them both.

Seeing one of the strongest men in Tolbi taken down so quickly did not inspire great confidence in the subordinates, and they cleared out as hastily as they could, leaving one unfortunate soul to fearfully stand guard at the door.]

“{I think I rest my case.}”

[The days passed.

He had lost all true sense of a value of time. His sense of thirst and hunger compounded, leaving a hollow void as he continued to draw energy from the earth. It was a confirmation that he was “only” unable to safely use Psynergy, but all else remained the same.

A small comfort, given how little it seemed to matter.

Time alone gave him time for thought. Too much time, really. He didn’t particularly care to stay awake; it always took less energy to stay asleep without food than awake without food.

He supposed that they had forgotten about giving him food and water when it seemed to not affect him at all; perhaps they had meant to withhold it as a means of making him weak enough to keep in hand, and realized that he could survive well enough without it.

He was certainly the least of their worries, that was for certain.]

[With all the damage he had caused, and the inability to make up for it due to a lack of sufficient resources, they would have to change their plans. They, too, had expected an easy victory; they never planned for being routed. They never thought they’d need to use so much power, let alone that it wouldn’t work. Now, they were stuck in Northern Gondowan.

They could go through the desert, perhaps, but that would be resource-intensive. (Clearly, the scouts had never returned, which told them that advancing from the south was something that would be met with resistance.) Even more so now, he had to imagine; it was said that the spirits of the desert always retaliated against those who earned their wrath, which Tolbi had done already at least once before. Going through the desert was hardly ideal.

Not impossible, but not ideal. Certainly not realistic without proper preparations, first. They may be able to hold what was left of Suhalla, but the supply chain was not fully integrated.]

[It also appeared that things were not well in the Empire; he could only assume that there were issues in the highest echelons of power. Possibly as a result of how terribly their attempted invasion had gone; he could only imagine that the failure reflected very poorly on those in charge of the affair and those who proposed it in the first place.

He really would have liked the opportunity to speak to someone who would take him seriously, but he was never given that option.

That was the worst of it all, really.

Well. That, and the crippling sense of abject despair.]

[He hadn’t felt so destitute in years. He felt utterly worthless and void of purpose; it was no small thing to be imprisoned by force by those who hated him on principle… and were eager to subject everyone else around them to suffering.

As the days went by and nothing happened, nothing changed, he began to see that even if there were any forces that would try to oppose the force stationed in the Suhalla ruins specifically, they were not successful at even coming close. It was no surprise, really; crossing the desert would surely be all but impossible, and crossing the mountains was no easy task, either. Sure, there were those who could get around those problems…

…but the fact he had actively chosen (for weeks, at the very least) to cut off Weyard from the Wilderness would prevent most of said people from trying.

And so, he could do nothing but wait.]

[He HAD considered how he might escape, but it was quite clear that he wasn’t strong enough to break free of the chains. They—along with the rest of the prison—were fairly new. (This suggested they might have been made in response to the destabilization of the region over the last few years, but that was a thought for another time.) He could call upon the power of the Djinn… but such a strategy was very risky. Using Djinn would leave him weaker, and he would need their true power to get out of a situation like his. The fraction they permitted in use of Summons was connected to the power of the Adept in question, as a means of withholding power that the Adept could not physically or respectably wield. It also had traditionally been restricted to something beyond the purely physical plane… as far as his experiences had shown, at any rate.

Granted, he had never actually tried to call upon the power of the spirits with the purpose of unleashing pure destruction. He had to suspect that it would be unwise to do so, for the spirits cared little for the conflicts of Man.]

[This left only one option he could see: taking advantage of an opportunity that finally resulted in him being freed from the shackles.

The main problem was that he couldn’t see any reason for them to do this as long as he appeared to be stronger than they could handle.

The second problem was that their possible reasons for doing so all spelled a grim picture for him. If he were to fail, he would be left in a much more vulnerable state, and possibly unable to defend himself at all.

But then again, what else could he expect? There really was no ending to this that would be a happy one.]

[Upon reflection, he considered that to be his greatest error. He’d grown overly optimistic after the last few years of happiness.

It hadn’t been a perfect happiness, to be sure, but it had been his. He had worked very hard and finally started to heal… to heal and to grow.

And he had therefore started to truly believe that it was indeed possible for him to be at peace—to be at peace, to be happy, to succeed, to be worth anything at all.

He’d had a role, once. An important role. A role that demanded sacrifice, that held people together in a time of great distress. He had protected others, he had served them.

But now?

Now he was nothing. It hadn’t been enough.

He hadn’t been wrong about his own power.

He’d just failed to foresee the depths to which tyrants would sink to obtain power.

And he would pay the price for that.]

There was one exchange, however, that stood out above all the rest, and continues even now to echo in his mind and heart.

“{So that’s it, huh? You fancy yourself to bed with the jewel of Gondowan?}”

[Felix pressed his mouth into a thin line.]

“{When we march through the city, she’ll be taken captive like all the rest. She’ll be made into the whore of the Karagol, imprisoned until her beauty has faded and she no longer satisfies for pleasurable deeds. She’ll be fed naked to beasts for all the empire to see. And who knows. A young, fit man such as yourself… perhaps we’ll do the same to you.}”

[Some of the others laughed at this, but Felix could not hide the burning rage in his eyes.

He hadn’t wanted to kill someone this badly in a long, long time. He’d wanted to instill the fear of death as soon as several years ago, but this? No. He wanted to kill the man, then and there.

He could best any one of them in open combat. And they knew it. The only way they could win was by trying to keep him chained down.

But even that would not be enough to stop him, really.]

“{Nothing to say?}”

“{Plenty.}”

“{Really now? Go on, entertain us with your laughable denial.}”

“{Denial?}”

“{Still think you have a way out of this, don’t you? You just can’t see that your time in power is over. Now, we will make sure that all those who knew you—all those who looked to you and followed your commands—are brought to swift justice and punished for sowing chaos in word and deed.}”

“{You’re taking a terribly arrogant position for someone who had to resort to cowardly ploys in order to stand a chance against a singular pair of people.}”

[That earned him a stinging lash to the face.]

“{We won, you worthless filth! You will pay the consequences for daring to attempt to obstruct our peaceful path to the Eastern Sea!}”

”Tch! {Peaceful? I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware that ‘arson’ and ‘murder’ had such a strange translation in your imperial speech.}”

[Another strike.]

“{You will never walk free again. All this show you put on of having won somehow is an absolute disgrace. Not that one could expect anything else from the likes of you…}”

“{You know, repeatedly sneering a mantra of insults and threats isn’t going to change what actually happened.}”

“{By the gods, you really are that stupid, aren’t you? How did you ever end up in charge of those pathetic drones?}”

[Felix snorted at this.]

“{As if I’d tell you that story.}”

“{Well, it won’t matter. You’ll go down as the worst agitator to ever pervert the affairs of our people, the most scandalously terrible and corrupt creature to ever disgrace Weyard’s soil.}”

“{You say that as if you haven’t been slandering my name for decades.}”

“{You are responsible for terrible crimes, and you will face justice for them! Accept your defeat!}”

“{Perhaps if you had legitimately overpowered me and enslaved those I protected—in open combat—then I would be forced to admit I was not strong enough to defend them from the likes of you.}”

“{We HAVE overpowered you. Even YOU should know THAT.}”

[Felix laughed briefly at that.]

“{Are you seriously telling your men such lies for ego? Pathetic.}”

[Another strike, but it didn’t strip the grin off Felix’s face.]

“{Your so-called ‘victory’ was to prey upon a man exhausted of energy spent turning back some of the worst tyrants the modern world has ever seen—you failed to take the Lighthouse, and you failed to take the city! You have failed miserably, and your only way to counter your ruination was to seize power in the dark of night with sufficient speed as to confound those who had deterred you!}”

“{Your deranged claims are blatantly a sign of your brutish madness. Such flailings amount to nothing! You cannot stop us now; you just deluded yourself into refusing to accept the truth!}”

“{What did I just say? Repeating your lies will not change what actually happened.}”

“{And denying what happened will not change the truth! You lost. Stop wasting everyone’s time and stirring up discontent by falsely claiming you have won! You’re the one who was captured!}”

“{Temporarily.}”

“{Oh, you think you’re getting out of this? That’s rich.}”

“{I do know that you can’t hold me here forever, and you won’t be able to force me to leave.}”

“{We’ll drag you out of the city in chains if you insist on being dramatic.}”

“{And he’ll probably still be raving about his alleged ‘victory’, too…}”

“{Tell me. You set out to overtake the city and force the people into submission, correct?}”

“{Stop playing the martyr. That land belongs to the Tolbi Empire; we arranged to build the roads, to build the lighthouse—}”

“{The blasphemy that was Babi Lighthouse was torn asunder YEARS ago. Just answer the question.}”

“{We are aware of what you and that scheming woman have done to unravel the work we put into bringing the ungrateful populace into the civilized world. And that’s the first thing we’ll fix, once we get there.}”

“{Answer the question.}”

[Another strike.]

“{We set out to take back what belonged to us and bring justice to those who have acted to undermine the unity of the empire!}”

“{Right then. Your delusions aside, your goals as outlined failed miserably. Each and every one of them. You didn’t seize control, let alone with the ease and glory you had the hubris to convince yourselves would grant you absolute power. I defeated all of you AND shredded what power you were counting on using to oppress the rest of the continent into submission. Even with all your cowardly attempts to undermine, you still failed to conquer—}”

[The last thing he saw was the crazed rage in the other man’s eyes.]

Even though he managed to escape by overpowering the soldiers when they freed him from the wall as part of the process of taking him to a place of execution—further turning the ruins of Suhalla into rubble in the process of bringing down his Judgment—

The next, cold chapter of his terrible fate still awaited him.

<<—Previous——————Flare of the Morning Star——————Next—>>

[madlymiho]

Edgar, dear, Eddie, after writing this I'm BEGGING you to ask for a continuation where this fierce Marine saves his ass, because my heart is DYING!!!

Genius idea though! Loved it, loved to write it, and hopefully you will love it as well ~

As always, thanks for your awesome request!

Words : 1954

Part 1 | Part 2 |

Ace and his marine fem!crush scenario continuation (read after the cut)

“Then, you’ll catch him and will deliver him to the Marine.”

“Zehahahaha, of course I will! But eh, Akainu, you better keep your word. You promised me the Shichibukai rank, and I’ll have it.”

Gatcha.

Akainu sighs loudly, a bestial smile growing on his lips. He pushes his cap down on his forehead, a winning gesture he always uses when things go exactly has he planed to. Name also is here, her almond-shape eyes gazing at her master’s satisfied face, her heart slightly pounding harder inside her chest. She pinches her lips together, unable to say a word for a moment, still analyzing the whole situation. Akainu has just sealed a very dangerous deal with one of the most atypical pirate she has ever heard about : Marshall D. Teach, aka Black Beard. He offered him the head of Fire Fist Portgas D. Ace, served up on a tray, in exchange of a Shichibukai rank. Somehow, she knows that she shouldn’t feel that way ; stressful and uncomfortable. She has always wanted to catch Ace, but she has never really believed that his fate would be settled with her having no say in this situation. It bothers her deeply, suddenly aware that after all those fights together, Ace is now truly in danger. She feels parted between the need to follow her duty, and this painful inner plea which begs her to find him before he would jump into this trap. She clenches her fist, almost snipping the palm of her hands with her nails, her mind boiling as she asks herself so many difficult questions.

“All of you, get out!” Akainu barks to his apprentices, catching back the Den Den Mushi on the table. “I need to prepare this Fire Fist execution.”

She frowns and bites her tongue, turning around to leave the room. She wants to yell, cry, but also beg. The thought of seeing him dead is already almost unbearable and she doesn’t understand why she feels this way. She needs to hate him, after all. It’s her duty.

***

Ace of course, has no idea of what is happening in the shadow. He’s focus on his lonely track, following Blackbeard's footsteps all around Grand Line. He feels that he’s getting every day a little bit closer, preparing himself to avenge his friend’s death. Ace has one last stop before fighting his enemy, at Banaro Island. He remains undercover, staying hidden in the shadow of a forest near a small village. Lied on his back, one arm resting behind his head, he looks at the nocturnal sky, focus. His mind can’t forget about Blackbeard laugh, that day when he has killed one of his best friend. Ace knows that he takes a risk, but it’s his responsibility; he’s a man of honor.

He furrowed his eyebrows when he hears discreet footsteps coming closer, the person trying its best to muffle their presence. He slowly turns his head, waiting patiently that his opponent will finally gets the courage to attack him ; he feels that there’s some tension in the air. It’s not entirely hostile though, and it intrigues Ace. Whoever it is, they are parted between two feelings, and it fulfills the air around them. However, since they eventually step out of the shadows, jumping forwards with a gigantic mallet he knows too well, Ace immediately answers. His fire fists lights their environment with a radiant shade of red and orange colors, revealing an unexpected surprise, his hands grasping the handle of this particular weapon.

“What the hell are you doing here alone, Name?” Ace greets, a prideful smirk growing on his lips.

He didn’t expect to see her again. It has been months since their last encounter, and they have stopped fighting only because White Beard as said so. It’s a reckless move from this girl, since she knows that she’s not strong enough to defeat him, at least, not yet. However, she manages to repulse him, strongly pushing on her weapon to make him take a step backwards, her eyes nothing but desperately angry.

“I came here to stop you, Fire Fist!” She growls aggressively, yet, Ace feels how wrong it sounds in her mouth.

“Oï, stop me from what?” He asks, tilting his head while he clearly doesn’t understand her point.

She sighs loudly, throwing her mallett on the ground while she makes a step forwards, fiercely looking at him with a determined face, her eyes focused on his playful stare. She seems quite different, Ace can’t help but notice. There’s something desperate in the way she looks at him, and she seems at the edge to reveal a secret. Yet, this mystery seems heavy, almost unbearable. She remains quiet, unable to speak, and it shatters Ace’s feelings. She has never been so weak before; she’s always full of life and self-confidence, hunting him like a ferocious lion. Now, she doesn’t even move, gazing at him as if he’s about to disappear at any moment.

“Oh, I see,” Ace eventually tries, crossing his arms around his bare chest. “You’re here just because you want a little good night kiss and you don’t know how to ask for it, right?”

He teases her because he hopes she would finally respond, bringing back her bitter comments in her appealing little mouth. Her stare becomes slightly darker, rolling her eyes exaggeratedly, while she eventually decides to play his game.

“You’re a damn lost cause, Fire Fist!”

“I’m almost hurt that you don’t go by my real name anymore, Miss Marine.”

She flinches, her cheeks turning slightly red, remembering that one time when she actually shouted his name instead of his usual nickname. She waves her hand, pouting.

“I don’t bound with pirates anyway!”

Ace laughs, freshening up this wonderful shade of red on her face.

“You’re really a terrible liar, Name! Even my little brother could do better, and sincerely, he’s dumb as hell!”

Ace finally achieves what he was looking for. She gasps, enraged, taking her mallett back inside her tiny hand, lifting it in the air to pelt him. After all, he understands that she’s actually tere to fight him, and she could be a good warm-up for his actual dual, tomorrow. He smiles brightly and, once again, easily eludes her hit, flying in the air with his columns of wildfire. She jumps, and things gets slightly more difficult. She has trained, Ace could feel it in the way she’s holding her gigantic hammer, throwing it incredibly fastly in the air. He has not so much difficulties to avoid her strikes, but he has to admit, she’s good at it. Yet, he feels that while he’s still playing, her attempts are way more powerful, and also despondent. She moves differently, trying her best to put him down, yet, it seems that she doesn’t want to arrest him. It something deeper. Way deeper. Ace furrowed his eyebrows and manages to catch her wrist, preventing her to manipulate her mallet anymore. She screams, yet it sounds more like a hopeless plea, and for a moment, he doesn’t know what to do.

But she’s not done yet. She steps on his foot, forcing him to take a step backwards, while she attacks him, over and over again. He sees that her arms start to become weaker, her weapon crushing the dust of the ground more often than before. She barely keeps her balance, and this show is unbearable for Ace. He kicks in her handle when she lifts her hammer once again, throwing it away as she has no choice but to stop her mad fight. She’s out of breath, covered with sweat, her long hair plastered against her forehead. Ace lifts his hands, the fire licking his arm disappearing in the dark. He catches his breath back, watching her closely, still shocked about her insane behaviors. He needs to understand why she acts this way ; he knows there’s something wrong.

“Oï Name… Calm down,” Ace whispers, making a step forwards, carefully coming closer. “Are you okay?”

“I...I need to arrest you...Fire Fist...”

Her voice is shaking, such as her shoulders. She doesn’t look at him anymore, her eyes focus on the ground. Ace feels his heart wrenching in his chest, and he keeps coming closer, driven by this inner feeling that he has to look after her.

“You don’t,” Ace reassures, his hands gently coming up to hold her shoulders, somehow hoping that she would stop this nonsense. “Go away…,”

“No, I can’t!” She shouts loudly, looking back at him, tears falling from her sorry eyes, desperate.

Ace can’t bear this vision. He doesn’t want her to cry this way, not because of him. He doesn’t know what did he do, yet, he’s willing to make everything’s right. He shakes his head, taking another step forwards.

“You can. Turn around and go away, tell Akainu that I was already gone,” Ace says, offering her a gentle smile. “He doesn’t need to know that -”

“It’s a trap!” She suddenly yells, catching Ace’s hands to crush them between her fingers. “Don’t go, tomorrow! It’s a trap! Blackbeard will catch you, and then...Then you’ll be arrested by the Marines and executed! It’s all planned! Ace please, please!” She pulls on his fingers, forcing him to come closer with an unexpected strength. “I beg you, please don’t go!”

She’s not lying, Ace knows it. She has never been more sincere than tonight. He pinches his lips together, saddened by her prayer. However, Ace can’t walk away. He can’t let Blackbeard remaining free, knowing that he has killed someone he deeply cared about, not after those many months on the sea to track him. He sighs, then smiles, knowing that his answer wouldn’t please her.

“I need to do it…,” Ace starts, intertwining his fingers with hers.

She widens her eyes and firmly shakes her head, still crying.

“You know that you can’t! It’s too dangerous…You’re going to die, Ace!”

Ace remains quiet for a moment, looking at her beautiful face, despite her damp cheeks and her red eyes. He knows that she can’t accept his decision, but he promised himself a long time ago that Blackbeard will go down by his hand. Softly, Ace releases one of his hand from her grip, grasping the top of his hat, which is hanging behind his nape. She closes her eyes for a moment, trying her best to calm herself down, unable to stop her tears nor her hiccups. She doesn’t even see him putting his hat on the top of her hair, nor his lips slowly going down. Before she manages to understand the situation, she feels his mouth pressed on hers, stealing that promised kiss he has claimed for so long. Silently, yet surely, she accepts his presence, responding to his kiss, unable to stop herself anymore. Ace grabs her waist, his fingers digging a bit in her skin, pulling on it to bring her closer, perhaps a bit too passionately. She puts herself on her tiptoes, now fully aware that she abandons herself to this Fire Fist, feeling his hand on her body, his lips strongly sealed against hers. After a moment, Ace slowly parted his mouth, until he opens his eyes, smiling gently.

“Would you keep that for me?” He asks, pressing down his well-known headgear on her hair. “You’ll have to give it back, once I’ll be done with Marshall.”

“Ace…,”

“You promise?” He questions her again, digging his eyes inside her sad irises.

She bites her bottom lip, muffling her deepest fears while she looks at his determined and radiant face. She eventually nods, her hand instinctively grasping the edge of his hat.

“I promise.” She finally mumbles, unable to say anything else.

[umccall71]

Chapter 14

Characters:Prince Liam x (mc) Lady Saige

Rating:Mature Content includes profanity, sexual content,talks about depression.

Word Count:2226

Disclaimer: All characters used are sole property of Pixelberry. I am simply borrowing them for entertainment.

Summary:After a summer of a Lifetime Prince Liam thought he could have it all. He was carefree, free, and sharing time with the woman of his dreams. When life as easy a balancing act between love and duty, he realizes his truths are lies, wrong is right, and decisions do have consequences.Lady Saige never imagined she would be one of his consequences. When an act of utter horror throws her world into a tailspin.

Warning: This series contains subject matter of depression and hopelessness .The story may trigger certain individuals. Please be advised. If your reading this series you are acknowledging you are at least 18 +.

A/N: Sorry for the long delay . Things have been hectic. I had to take some time to focus on my health. Thanks for understanding and your patience.

***************************

Liam and Saige spent the next two weeks managing coronation preparations,talks of their what happens next, and building expectations for their future. Liam spent long days at the palace with every possible noble schmoozing the new king to be. Every moment that he had a free minute he would send Saige a thoughtful, fun, flirty text.Liam was falling into his new role smoothly, but the mere glimpse of Constantine in his path sent his blood boiling . He fought the urge to want to strangle his father daily. It was count down to the coronation and the exit of the former king and queen. Liam sat in the dark study with the drapes drawn pouring over upcoming trade agreements and his speech to the council upon being crowned king. He heard a tap at the door ,when he saw it open presumptively by Regina and Constantine.

“Liam, it has been impossible to get a minute to speak to you about this foolish notion of us leaving the palace. That … that's just unheard of in Cordonian history. The king father and queen reside at the palace even with the change in power, ``she waves the thought off. “ You will need our guidance in selecting a future queen. Surely you have thought this through with the upcoming social season?”she looked on quizzically.

He squeezed his eyes closed , rubbed his temple, and stood walking over to the bar cart. Liam poured himself a finger of scotch before taking a deep breath to attempt a civil reaction to the woman that had been a mother figure to him since he lost his own. “Regina...did he not tell you there is no need for a social season, I am with Saige and she will rule beside me”, his words are interrupted by a maniacal chuckle.

“Surely you wouldn’t think that some girl from America would be a representation to our people of Cordonia? Liam...she's a ..a commoner, she spat with such disdain and as if the words left a sour taste on her tongue. “Your first true decision after being crowned will be choosing your bride. Don't worry, we will help you make the right choice to lead with you,”

Liam slammed the tumbler down on the desk almost shattering it. “I don't need any guidance with my marriage, nor my decisions as king…. Regina”,he responded through a clenched jaw. “Saige is not some passing fancy.. Or did your husband not share that with you? She will be my better half as we decide together the next chapter in Cordonian history”, he conveyed almost as if he had to convince her she was worthy, “father sees her potential ...don't you?”

Constantine gulped loudly,adjusting his collar uncomfortably considering his next words, “Liam, what Regina means is…”,he is cut off by Regina.”I know exactly what I meant Connie,'' she sneered.”This girl is not suitable to be in contention for a suitor. You are surrounded by a wealth of the finest women Cordonia has to offer.”

“You make them sound like contestants in national dog show competition to be judged…”he snarked. “Why do you seem surprised by what will happen leading up to the events of the coronation? This has all been explained to Constantine...including your departure from the palace, `` Liam stared daggers at his father as he spoke to Regina.

“Liam! Do not be crass… show some respect for your father!”,she barked ...appalled by his words.

“Respect is a commodity in short supply when it comes to father… he has lost mine”, his nostrils flared , liam fought to control his breathing and anger. “I have a lot of work to do, so if you two would show yourselves out….”he trailed off .Liam sat back down in his chair, reached for his phone and stared at his lock screen picture...his bride, Saige. There was something so calming just looking into her eyes, even if it were just her picture. He thought to the moment she would walk through the doors of the palace and consider this her home. He also knew as long as Constantine was there … there was no chance in hell this would become a reality for them.

Regina and Constantine started walking toward the door, but suddenly she stopped and glanced at Liam perplexed by his demeanor. “Something has changed in you Liam. I remember you were the one that was always on your best behavior. We could count on you to do what you were told, ``she tapped her chin with her well manicured french tipped nails.

Liam wouldn’t look up at them as he sent a quick text to Saige.”I will be there soon my love. I missed you all day.” He smiled briefly before hitting send. “Your husband can shed some light on what has caused the shift in my manners and demeanor. When he learns to show respect for others.. Perhaps someone will give him respect in return, ``he responded through gritted teeth.

“Come along Constantine… we know when we’re not wanted”,she huffed our the door clacking her stilettos against the marbled floors down the hall until the sound faded.Constantine glances back contemplating if he should try to get through to his youngest son, “Liam...I hope that one day you’ll understand I meant no harm , but you can have true lady beside you on coronation night.”

Liam bit his bottom lip until he tasted the mercurial salty drops of his blood in his mouth. Every thought in him wanted to thrash his father for yet again disrespecting the woman he loves.. his wife… his Saige.Liam fought the anger coursing through his veins, fighting the urge to end Constantine where where he stands… but he chose to adjust him suit coat, straighten his stack of papers, adjust his cuff links before walking out the door passed his father…. silently. Liam knee he couldn’t keep fighting every minute to convince Constantine that Saige was perfect for him. He thought as he jogged down the stairs, “luckily we won’t have to deal with this backwards elitist attitude much longer.” Liam climbed into the back of his suv as bastien drove him back to Lythikos. He thumbed through his camera roll, viewing the countless candid shots he’d collected of himself with Saige. To see her genuinely smile and seem so light… so free was true happiness to him. “Bastien… I need you and several members of the royal guard to make certain the staff pack up the former king and queen and deliver their belongings to the empty duchy furthest from the palace. They will try to stall hoping I’ll change my mind, but my resolve is unwavering. I need make sure that Saige can explore the palace without bumping into the man that tried to rape her without any sense of remorse.” Bastien nodded in the rear view mirror, “yes sir.”

A short time later they arrived and Liam bolted out of the car and bid Bastien good night. “ Thank you for everything Bas… I won’t forget it.”Liam slowly opened the front door … walked softly up the staircase.. and eased into his and Saige’s bedroom. He toed quietly out of his shoes careful not to startle her if she were asleep . He smiled as he started toward the bathroom to shower before he was pulled from his thoughts by the sound of Saige talking in her sleep, frantically pleading with someone telling them no.. he saw her features tense and scared.

“Please don’t… don’t take our baby… we love him .. please I can’t lose him !Noooooo!” She cried out in a piercing shrill anguish. Liam saw the tears escaping her closed eyes. He made his way over to her and pulled her body into his chest .. holding her as if he were her anchor. He whispered near her ear, “ Saige… baby I’m here… I’ve got you. No one is going to take you away from us… never again. Love.. please wake up”,he pleaded. She slowly began opening her eyes, trying to piece together where she was and who was with her in that moment.Her body shook in horror for what seemed like an eternity

Her voice spoke sounding so small, “ Liam?”

“Yes love...I’m here.. I’m here with you.please tell me what has you do frightened?”, his eyes searched hers for answers, for recognition.

She shook her her , willing the nightmare away. Feeling that if she spoke it out loud it would manifest into her reality.” Saige wrapped her arms around her arms as Liam held onto her body.She wouldn’t stop shaking .., reliving the dream in her wake state.

Saige began to sob again while Liam held her close. Something so paralyzing about her dream. She contemplated telling Liam she feared losing their child at the hands of his father. She knew he was already holding it together by a thin strand. Liam became physically angry every time his father’s name was mentioned. Saige knew that her being attacked by Constantine wasn’t Liam’s fault… although she blamed him briefly.Saige didn’t want to jeopardize Liam in his ascension to the crown. He was born to be the leader and the man he is today… but only if nothing stumbles his path.

Liam’s soft hands held her face and seemed to register that she was truly frightened. “Love… what has you so terrified in your sleep? We promised to protect each other… let me protect you...please.”The room grew silent.. a pin drop could be heard. The palpable pain could be cut with a knife.He knew she wasn’t herself in that moment, but he afforded her the chance to open up to him in her own time. He wasn’t letting the nightmare go, but he felt trying to force her to speak in that moment would be detrimental to her health… her mental stability. He was so proud in the time he’s watched Saige come from that room in the in treatment center to where she had been recently with her new therapist. He wondered what could have triggered her to slip into this dark place.

“Saige… you know I love you with all of my heart.. I want you and our family that we are anticipating”, he gently stroked her arms that were freezing in light of her having been wrapped up. She flinched at the mention of their family. “What’s wrong love… you can tell me anything.. you know that right?”

She paused as she considered what to say… how much to say… wondered would he understand. “ Liam… I don’t know if.. if we should be thinking about a baby “, she sniffed back the tears.” Maybe, you might decide you don’t want to have a family with me.. perhaps there’s some socialite that would be better suited to be the mother to royalty.”

Liam tensed up at hearing her spewing this doubt about her being a mother to his child. “ Saige… you know that I only want you… in my heart .. you are the only woman I need. I couldn’t fathom another carrying and giving birth to my child… our child.”She saw his blue eyes glistening as he tried to control his tears. Not even in passing would he consider not having Saige as his bride and the mother of his children.

She sat up in his arms and then stood .. Saige walked to the balcony doors and opened them to feel the cool breeze on her damp skin. “Liam, what if I get pregnant and then someone takes them from me.. from us? To go through nine months and have that child stolen…”,she trailed off. Saige stares out into the darkness of the lythikos night sky.

Liam strolled over and enveloped her small frame in his arms.. he draped his arms around her.. swallowing her into him. “ Love… where is this coming from ? You were so excited st the possibility of us .. of us trying to get pregnant”, he whispered. “What’s changed? I know you’ve been talking to Dr. Ashton, but what changed to have you thinking I would be better off with someone else as the mother of my child?”

Saige leaned back into him.. collecting her thoughts… “ Liam… I’m tired all the time, I’m emotional, I’m … I’m “, she farted into the room and grabbed her phone. Saige started frantically sliding through her apps until she came to the one that tracked her … her cycle. “It has to be nerves, there’s no way this soon”, she mumbled searching for dates on a calendar.

“Saige.. what is it? What are looking for? Your scaring me a little. Are you alright?”, worry etched on his face. He reached for her when he noticed the calendar she was looking into fearful. Saige .. do you.. do you not feel well? Are you alright?

She dropped her phone to the floor, covering her face in disbelief .. “ this isn’t real. Liam … Liam I’m late… what if this means?”Saige ran to the bathroom and ran cold water over her face . Liam followed behind grabbing a towel and wet it with a cool water . He led her to the side of the tub placing the towel on the back of her neck. “Saige… do you… think you might be pregnant?”

*******************

@ao719

@carabeth

@lauradowning29

@elles-choices

@hopefulmoonobject

@indiacater

@3pawandme

@blackcoffee85

@simsvetements

@drakesensworld

@romanticatheart-posts

@fantasy-of-fiction

@choices97

@gibbles82

@marietrinmimi

@whenyourheartskipsabeat

@kuladekiwi

@custaroonie

@smalltalk88

@jovialyouthmusic

@sashatrr

@jared2612

@the-soot-sprite

@ownworldresident

@silverofdreams

@rainbowsinthestorm

@silviasutton1989

[medschoolash]

so i'm a casual reylo fan and i just have to say your tweets about this whole JB/twitter shit storm are soooo on point. threatening a lawsuit/getting parents involved is embarrassing, but these antis/sjws on twitter making up these insane false narratives about reylos being racist toward JB/KMT/OI when it was white dudebros who hate reylo just as much is INSANE yet all these people with exactly negative 10 critical thinking skills are falling for it

I also consider myself a pretty casual reylo since I haven’t engaged with the fandom nearly as much as I used to engage with fandoms in the past so  it’s been pretty interesting watching everything unfold. It’s also been interesting to navigate this entire thing as a black woman who loves reylo. 

When it all first started I thought it was genuinely ridiculous all around. Though I could see how you could interpret the joke as sexist, which is completely subjective, I thought to make it a big deal, especially on a holiday, was a little over the top. I also thought the subsequent response to the pushback was also over the top since it could have easily been ignored. It was also weird when John himself has expressed how easy it should be to ignore those sorta things because they don’t truly matter. What started as a stupid childish IG fight on NYE turned into this completely insane twitter scandal where people from every corner of the internet needed to chime in on fandom racism in star wars without knowing hardly anything about it besides what they saw in several false viral tweets, while also not addressing fandom racism in star wars at all since most of the vitriol was about reylo as a ship. The narrative went from “this joke is sexist you should reconsider” to “fuck off Its a joke people need to not take it so seriously” to “well since you wanna talk shit your ship is trash” to “everyone who ships this trash ship is racist and John is fighting back against imaginary racist comments he never actually responded to”. The next thing you know people were claiming that people who ship reylo were the root of all racism in star wars and that’s somehow by telling the world you think reylo is toxic we can end this racism once and for all and that’s where I just had about enough of it. 

I’m sure there are plenty of people are gonna look at me sideways for deciding to address how stupid and blatantly false the narrative people tried to paint about reylos was but I couldn’t be bothered to care when I know that I’m the kinda person that actually takes racism in media and real-life seriously instead of using it to wag my finger at anything I don’t like in media. I actually loathe how people in fandom trivialize racism to make themselves feel better about something they don’t like and I ESPECIALLY loathe it coming from nonblack folks who know that labeling something as racist is a sure-fire way to get black folks on board with your crusade like we’re all a bunch of perpetually angry attack dogs waiting to pounce on your behalf. It’s just tiring to see all the time. 

my dad always told me to be the kinda person who stands for what’s right instead of who’s right so that’s why I’m at this point now. The facts show that people took John’s trolling in response to the backlash and made it into this narrative about fandom racism that actually absolved the actual culprits of responsibility for their actions. People who are blatantly anti reylo got to pretend they had a legitimate reason to be anti while also pretending they actually care about the racism the cast has experienced when they don’t they just wanted to look like they do. I hate how people can say literally anything on twitter or tumblr and as long as it includes the right buzzword and can incite the most anger people will run with it no matter what. I want to see racism in fandom addressed but I don’t want to see people be intellectually dishonest in the discourse in a way that allows the true racist to skate free all because they can’t stand a ship. When that happens it undermines the entire conversation and something that serious deserves better than that. 

At the end of the day It really sucks that I had to watch horrid behavior against people who look like me be used as a weapon in a childish fight that ultimately boiled down to nothing besides ship preference and the need to find someone to be angry at for what people perceive as slights against a ship they like or a character they like. Meanwhile, the violently racist people who actually have attacked John and KMT (and I’m not saying no reylo has never sent john racist hate before but the idea that they have been the majority and originated it is blatantly false) are still out there spewing their hate and are actually feeling pretty emboldened at the moment since TROS gave them literally everything they could have wanted. 

[girlobsessed21]

The 100 6x06 analysis: A night-without-blood, only tears

Loved this episode. We got a glimpse of the old Bellamy, albeit small, but he was there. The pacing was better. We finally got to meet Sheidheda. And, I called it in my predictions post last week, Clarke Griffin’s coming back. 

Is it weird to watch this show knowing Bob and Eliza are married? Not for me, I separate the characters from the actors easily. Just once again, I’m thrilled they found their happily ever after. Please check out the wedding gift donation.

Madi crossing to the dark side

Obviously, this is the worse to come out of the whole body-snatching ordeal. Josephine couldn’t care less about her new daughter. Although Gaia is Madi’s teacher, she’s still her subordinate. Without any guidance, sweet little Heda falls straight into the exploiting claws of her evil predecessor. 

I didn’t think this would rise so soon, but I fear we might have a new Bloodreina on our hands. The Sanctumites killed Madi’s mother, she will retaliate with full force and who could blame her. If you took mine for self-serving reasons, I’ll want vengeance too. 

Somehow, I still think those machines strapped to her head is Josephine’s handiwork, wanting something from the flame. Or maybe it’s a way to pull Madi back from the dark hole she’s fallen into. 

Either way, it looks like she’s becoming a villainous character who wants revenge and I hope she succeeds. Russel may have goodness inside, yet he still murdered an innocent person to bring his daughter back. Ryker, on the other hand, is a quizzical one.

The 100 episode 6 - Return of the cockroach

We all knew he would take that deal but, as expected, terms and conditions apply. Clarke’s dead, there’s nothing they can do about it. Teaming up with Josie means they get the Sanctumites’ help with survival and he earns eternal life. 

It makes sense for him, Clarke wasn’t his favorite person and what’s done is done. Obviously, he knows convincing Bellamy will be a lot harder.

That was all of our reactions. And then he goes and spoils it all by saying some stupid like it’s what Monty would have wanted. Oomf the trump card. No violence, no eye-for-an-eye, just look forward and do better. Oh, and it’s what Clarke would have wanted too.

In some twisted way, he’s right. His way saves everyone else including Bellamy and the planet or moon or whatever. Both Murphy and Josephine’s manipulation this episode is vulgar yet brilliant. Richard and Eliza, you killed it.

Meanwhile, in the woods, the badass trio is being summoned

May I just highlight this line: “Forty vestil virgins and a side dish of none of your damn business.” Man, I love Diyoza too bits. And Xavier. And Octavia. And I hope Marie gets that Emmy nomination because she deserves the hell out of it.

So, Diyoza learns about Gabriel’s rebellion but refuses to join in order to save her daughter’s life. She’s not your conventional mother hen but the way she looks out for Octavia and her child is a clear depiction of her ability to care. 

How did Xavier know Diyoza is expecting a girl???

There are tons of rumors that Xavier is Gabriel. I don’t think he is. Or rather, I hope he’s not. I want Gabriel to be an anomaly as much as he “lives” in one. Perhaps he can only exist inside it because of his age? But he’s calling them for a reason and I bet that reason is “death to primes” and Clarke’s resurrection.

I’m still sticking to my time travel theory of Diyoza meeting Hope and Octavia facing off with Bloodreina. I’d love to see what Xavier’s battles might be. Also, I’m pretty sure these three’s journey is the conclusion to all of their problems and the Blakes’ reconciliation. The villains of earth become the heroes of Sanctum was foreshadowing, I'm certain.

Abby, wtf is wrong with you?

How on earth does she not see through the inconsistencies in her daughter’s behavior? Echo figures it out before she does for heaven's sake. And after everything they’ve done in the past, she decides it’s alright to resurrect the man she loves at the cost of someone else.

Will she resort back to drugs after this too? Clearly, she can’t deal with the thing’s she’s done. Turning Jake in. Becca’s lab. The dark year. And now she’s doing it again. All because her daughter tends to think it’s okay and doesn’t want to lose her. Open your damn eyes, Clarke would never ask you to do something that selfish.

Raven and Ryker

Can someone please shut Raven up. Her self-righteous attitude this season is sickening. She did bad things too. Asking Clarke to kill Lexa. Sacrificing Murphy so Finn could live. Refusing to give Abby medicine for radiation poisoning. Has she forgotten? But worst of all, she left the hard decisions up to Bellamy and Clarke and now she’s mad because they made them.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed the piece of her mind she gave Ryker. But the condescending way in which it’s done is annoying. He clearly needs to hear it and she touched where it hurts. Is it wrong to like him and hope he survives? Out of all the primes, it seems like he and Gabriel are the only ones with a conscience. Russel’s is debatable.

They are not gods. What makes them so special? Knowledge? Intellect? Wisdom? And creating a realm of worship so people would sacrifice themselves for you is revolting and everything but divine or remarkable.

Yes, Echo gets a narrative!

The woman is smart, dangerous and loyal. So far, she’s been nothing but Bellamy’s girlfriend and subject, so I’m glad she finally got a storyline of her own. I’m sure the mercy kill of the guard was used purely to show her compassion, which her boyfriend questioned a few episodes ago. Many people still do not like her. 

Being an amazing spy, she extorts Jade for information and figures out that Clarke’s gone. Her natural inclination is to attack which Bellamy, to my surprise, shoots down. That look in her eye suggests she’s not done though. She’ll probably save Jade’s life in exchange for being a double agent. Which could be a great asset to our heroes.

Tasya Teles said that her favorite dynamic of the show is yet to come and that Echo is bisexual. I can see the two of them partnering up and that’s a team I both route for and ship. They’re equals, they have similar backgrounds, they’re caring in a complex way. Why not be those things for each other?

In the end, it all boils down to Bellamy and Clarke

Bellamy’s tears, tears, and more tears this episode was heartbreaking. Don’t hate me, it wasn’t as convincing as, “We can’t lose Clarke, we can’t lose her!” or “I left her to die and we all die anyway!” though. Why is his mourning stressed this way? Maybe because he lost someone he loves like Russel suggested.

Acting out of anger, he tried to choke Russel for killing her and I imagine the following stopped him: “You have such a big heart Bellamy... but to make sure we survive, you have to use this too.” Especially because he later states that we survive, it’s what Clarke would have wanted.

Tears welled in my eyes when he told Madi. And that hug gave me painful father-daughter feels. At least he’ll try to keep his promise to Clarke and take care of her. Bellamy, you better, that girl is taking a wrong turn. Even if I agree with her cause, following a venomous lead will land her in scorching hot water.

I really would have loved to see Miller, Jackson and Jordan's grief too. And it looked like Spacekru didn't care much after she saved their lives countless times. That scene was underwhelming, truly.

Now, as I predicted, Clarke appears in Josephine’s dreams when she finally sleeps. Which images haunt her? Roan, Abby, Madi, Lexa, Bellamy. I saw tweets of other’s but those were clear to me. Accompanied by Abby, Bellamy and her own words to Lexa. The most important people in her life, right?

I knew this would happen, something obviously went wrong with the insertion or Clarke is just a fighter. I don’t think it has anything to do with synthetic nightblood. Josephine, honey, you’re in for the wildest and scariest rollercoaster ride of your life. Clarke Griffin is a force to be reckoned with and she won’t stop until her prison break is successful. 

I cannot imagine the experience of living in your own mind to be pleasant. Especially not while fighting Josephine Lightbourne for power. Poor, poor, Clarke.

Bellamy was the first to notice Josephine isn’t Clarke and I’m sure he’s gonna realize that she still exists too. The devil will let something slip or act weird and he’ll pick up on it. Either that or Jade informs Echo. Once he solves that puzzle, he will stop at nothing until she returns to him. But Bellamy, please keep your eye on Madi throughout, do not follow in Abby’s footsteps.

Will Clarke’s dreams hold a confession of feelings? Will Bellamy confess to Josephine? Will there be any sort of confession?

Last week someone called my Becho theories typical. Fine, I may be biased but I only write what I see on my screen and if you disagree, I’d love to know why.

[quirkydahlias]

Hi, I read the Kirishima fic you did and I love the more serious/adult setting for it! I was wondering if you’d be willing to write more about it? Like maybe a scenario where bakugou has an s/o who is devastated about not being able to save some civilians in a villain attack and how’d he go about helping them deal with that? Thanks!

bruh, my Long Road Ahead AU makes me so inspired to write you can’t comprehend the happiness I have when writing for my AU. Anyway. Sorry for the wait, I was busy doing old requests u w u! Hopefully, this makes up for it~.

Also: TW for Mature themes like Death, Wishing for Death, Survivor’s Guilt

Fallout (Katsuki Bakugou x Reader) (Long Road Ahead AU)

The story was plastered all over the news.

Every news channel.

Every paper.

Every major radio station.

All reporting the same thing.

“The pro heroes have failed us once again!”

“Shut down the hero programs in schools!”

“This is why we need more police!”

Bakugou shut off the TV irritably, knowing full well that if he left it running, he’d throw the controller and crack the screen… again. Not that he cared much for television anymore, with all the anti-hero propaganda that has been circulating as of late.

All Might was gone.

Dead 

And with his death, trust in pro heroes across the world died as well.

Emboldened by the loss of such an important figure in hero society, the League grew and crime spread like wildfire, crime becoming increasingly violent and common. So it was inevitable that the pro heroes slipped up eventually. However, such mistakes are not only costly but corrosive to the already crumbling reputation of heroes.

That was the main reason why (Y/N) lay on the couch, head, and arm bandaged, eyes glued to the black void of the television. “I was watching that.” 

Their voice sounded monotone and dead. From the glassy look in their eyes, Katsuki could figure that they weren’t truly paying attention to what was on the TV. Regardless, he wasn’t about to have that kind of talk float around their head.

“Sucks.” he shrugged, maintaining control of the TV from the kitchen counter as he continued to dice carrots.

(Y/N) lifted their head from the couch cushion, giving a pointed look at their boyfriend. Feeling their gaze, Bakugou looked up, the two sharing a rather passive-aggressive stare.

“I mean it, Katsuki,” (Y/N) reiterated, stressing each word to get their point across. “I need to see what’s on the news.” However, Bakugou wasn’t having it, the ash blond just shaking his head before turning his attention back to the cutting board and the potatoes and carrots he was adding to a pot on the stove.

“No, you fucking don’t. All you’re trying to do is punishing yourself by making yourself listen to the media rant about you.” Returning to his cutting board, he used every syllable he uttered to slam his knife down on the poor proteins, venting his irritation through cooking. “Besides, they’re making the situation seem worse than how it actually is.”

A deafening silence made itself at home between the couple, unspoken thoughts hanging in the stale air.

“Megumi.”

“What?” He replied, adding the proteins to the pot as well before giving the mixture a good stir.

“Megumi. Megumi Ito.”

“What are you talking about?” Although, being as sharp as he was, Katuski already had developed a small hunch as to what his partner was alluding to.

“Did you know that was the name was the girl that died in my arms?”

He figured that the name belonged to someone in the villain attack. Though the hours of news running clued him in on what was going on. Without the best response in mind, he opted to remain silent and let (Y/N) vent a little.

“There were so many others, but she was the one who died in front of me. Katsuki, do you know what she told me before she died?”

“What?” he asked, voice quiet, barely audible and for once, without the usual hint of attitude he usually accompanied with his words.

“ ‘I’m scared, please…’” (Y/N) looked distant, settling back down on their side, cheek pressed against their pillow, “She kept repeating the same thing over and over and over again, ‘please’. Again and again before she finally… went silent.”

Bakugou knew better than to open up his trap, instead, leaving the pot on a low flame before seating himself in the living room on the couch, (Y/N)’s legs now draped over his lap.

“So many people died because I didn’t do enough,” (Y/N) hissed, a tight, clench on the pillow they rested their head on. “I had to tell Megumi’s parents after the accident, about her death, I mean. Bakugou, I didn’t even know her name!”

(Y/N) suddenly stopped, unable to speak as Bakugou roughly grabbed their arm, yanking them into his tight embrace as he awkwardly wrapped his arms around them. Tears finally streamed down their cheeks, pressing their face against his broad chest.

“Just shut up for a sec,” Katsuki instructed, leaning in to rest his chin on their head, “You’re breathing like you just fucking ran a marathon.”

While even Bakugou would admit that the way he tried to calm (Y/N) down was harsh- to say the least, it’s beyond obvious that he’s was trying his best.

“I…I…,” So much wanted to come out. Whether it was the feelings of guilt, eating away at (Y/N) heart, the burning shame of failure charring their skin, or the increasing anger bubbling in them, all pointed at their failure to save innocents in their time of need.

“Look at me,” Katsuki whispered, his gaze softening a little as he released his tight grip on them, pulling away.

It took a while, (Y/N) not wanting to look so pathetic in front of their partner. Furiously using their sleeve to rub their eyes and sniffling, they blinked once. Then once again, trying to quickly wipe away any tears that threatened to form- in the same way, windshield wipers frantically swish back and forth to wash away the rain.

Once they collected themselves, (Y/N) managed to look up and lock eyes with Bakugou. They licked their chapped lips and with a rather pitiful look spoke up.

“I should have died instead.”

Okay.

Okay.

It was one thing to feel guilty about the attack and to be second-guessing oneself when looking back on the accident.

It was another to want to be hurt- to be killed, in order to “atone” for a simple slip up.

Whatever Katsuki felt something else boiling inside him, something different from the anger entirely.

Looking into (Y/N)’s eyes, the first image that came to mind was his old high school heroics teacher, All Might. The fucker’s ever-present grin, gone. Blood dripping down the side of his face- all for the sake of his kidnapped student.

The anguish, sadness, guilt. All in (Y/N)’s eyes were once his.

He knew exactly what they were going through, to want to turn things back. To wish for time to reverse, if only they could prevent tragedy. Being forced to live with the weight of failure for the rest of their lives. He’d been there.

The similarities between them giving Bakugou a boost of confidence, finally knowing how to handle the situation.

To comfort the way he could only wish he was comforted then.

Bakugou knew that the delivery had to be right, and different than the way he’d prefer it, for (Y/N)’s sake. This level of…survivor’s guilt, for lack of a better word, was fresher, more intense than the guilt he felt for taking down the number one hero…because at the very least, All Might made it out alive.

Using his thumb, Katsuki wiped away the tears beading in the corners of (Y/N)’s eyes. Then he cracked a small, lopsided smile.

And patted them on the head.

(Y/N) blinked, stopping all train of thought as they furrowed their brows at Katsuki’s uncharacteristic behavior. He wasn’t the type to be… physically affectionate. At least in this manner anyway, so why the sudden-

Another pat.

And then another.

As he patted their head, Katsuki used his other hand and snaked his hand around their waist and to the small of their back, pulling his partner into a small hug.

“Listen.” He started, thankful that this position prevented (Y/N) from seeing how red his ears and face were. “We’re going to make it through this.”

“Bakugou…”

“Shut it. You’re stronger than this. I know you fucking are, got it? You’re too fucking tough to let one mistake define you.” He stopped patting, awkwardly and slowly running his hand down (Y/N)’s spine, soothing their nerves. “I get it, you feel like shit for being the one to walk away from something like this, especially when someone else doesn’t.”

He stopped moving altogether, trying to figure out whether or not he should even bring up All Might as a way of saying, “Hey, I was there too!”. However, he ultimately decided against it, preferring to make this more about (Y/N) than himself. Besides, he dug deep enough into old wounds already at this point.

“But you’re gonna pick your ass up and keep pushing forward, if not for yourself or me…for Ito. For every damn person in that fucking accident, you save another 100. Understand?”

(Y/N) nodded- Katsuki’s fiery language and spurring little speech warming them from the inside out, their cheeks heating a bit when they felt his lips on the top of their head.

“The media’s been riding your ass for days now,” He pulled back, immediately adverting his eyes to save face in front of his partner, though it just made him look even more endearing, “What they say doesn’t and won’t fucking matter to you, me, or any self-respecting hero.”

“So let those extras curse you out and drag heroes through the mud all they fucking want, we’re still gonna do our jobs. Sound good?” He asked, raising his fist up at (Y/N)

(Y/N) cracked a small smile, happy tears beginning to form as they bumped their fist against their boyfriend.

“Sounds good.”

Bonus (Because that was way too sad for too long):

“Here,” Katsuki started, having dragged (Y/N)’s ass to get some food into them. “You haven’t eaten anything all day.”

“Oh?” (Y/N) peered down at the plate in front of them, a bed of rice with some curry was presented before them. And as nice as it looked, something just felt off about it. “This looks pretty good~.”

“’Course it fucking is. I made it, dumbass. Just try it.” He quickly turned his back to his partner, plating himself a big helping of curry as well, “It’s one of my favorite comfort foods.”

Together, the dug in, (Y/N) being convinced that the food was alright considering how Bakugou dug into his meal. Following suit, they popped the curry into their mouth right before…

Wanting to pop it right back out.

“Katsuki!” (Y/N) hissed, immediately sitting up from the counter and rushing around and into the kitchen to get water. Milk. Anything at this point. “Ish so fuckin’ hawt!”

At this point, their tongue was numb, thanks to the increased spice, (Y/N) fortunate enough that there was a bottle of water in the fridge to down while Bakugou raised an eyebrow to the scene before him.

“I have no idea what the hell you’re talking about,” Bakugou deadpanned, eating another spoonful of the spicy curry as if it was nothing, “I even lowered the spice level for you.”

He could feel the silent waves of anger radiating off of (Y/N), which only amused him, even more, to see how much they wanted to scold and yell at him and yet, were unable to as they emptied the bottle.

“Fuck,” They panted, taking in air through their mouth in a futile attempt to quench the metaphorical flames, “You.”

“You’re fucking lucky I added the spice separately. Give me your food and I’ll finish it for you. Then you can get some from the pot.” he instructed before he lowered his voice a bit, taking in another spoonful of curry goodness.

“Pussy.”

“I heard that!”

[littlelitlover]

The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver

Originally published in 1998

Page Count (paperback edition) 543 pages

So, this book is actually pretty hard to summarize. It’s not really an action-packed book. It is definitely more emotional and internally motivated, despite the political nature of its setting. I’ll be honest and admit, I was not aware of the history the book deals with. The Congo revolution, and America’s involvement in it, wasn’t something I ever gave consideration to before. It does not hamper one’s comprehension of the events, but I think at least taking a quick look even through Wikipedia prior to reading would be beneficial. 

I finished this book in a week. I loved it. I loved all the characters. I loved how each character had their own distinctive voice. After a while, you can tell which character is narrating which chapter by their voice. I am partial to Adah though, just because she is a disabled character, and I am a disabled person, and it’s not often I get to see myself in literature. I found myself relating a lot to Adah’s struggles and fears. 

Nathan Price, the father and pastor who leads the family into the wilderness in the first place, actually plays a rather small role, when taken into consideration. But I like how Kingsolver doesn’t just make him an abuser without reason. Not that it absolves his behavior, but Nathan does have reasons for acting the way he does. We learn about midway through the novel that Nathan served in World War II, and that he was the only one of his platoon to survive an attack that happened around the Congo area. Nathan has Survivor’s guilt; he was unable to save his comrades, and so he has to make it up by trying to save all the Congolese people. It only makes his hypocrisy all that much more tragic. He spends so much time trying to convince these Congolese people to baptize their children--despite them not truly understanding because of the language barrier--but he did not baptize his own daughter, Ruth May, because he thought she was too young to understand what she was doing. 

I should state that I was not surprised at Ruth May’s death. Kingsolver foreshadows it almost from the beginning. Ruth May spends a good chunk of the novel sick with malaria, and she makes a comment about being afraid of the snakes. Her death is not a blindside, but I did still cry at it.  

I also really loved the overall theme of the novel, which basically boils down to: we all come from Africa, and to Africa we will return. The Price girls are unable to leave Africa, even after they ditch their dad. Leah and Anatole live in the States for a while, but can’t find happiness when they know what their Congo people are suffering. Rachel builds an Empire in South Africa. Adah abandons her position as a high-profile doctor in George to study diseases in Africa. And Ruth May’s spirit lingers in Africa, becoming part of the air. 

If you’re looking for a high-action, keep you on the edge of your seats novel, you’ll want to give this one a pass. Kingsolver is slower with her words. They dig under your skin and make you think, consider. This is similar to The Book Thief, in my opinion, in that it’s made to make you think and keep you up, even after you’ve turned the last page. 

Overall, I’d rate it 9/10--my reasons for withholding a 10/10 are nitpicking, that I’ll admit. With the book being broken up into sections named after books of the Bible, I find it strange that there was no part called Revelations. That’s just me being petty, though. It is definitely one of my favorite books now, and I recommend the read if you’ve got the time to put into it. 

[johnnyrebuniverse]

I allowed myself to be loved and to love... i ended up 28 near deaths later... I have a broken heart, I have ptsd, nightmares and more... now I am here... the things that have happened to me... there's no one thing... it's my life story...all things bleed into the other... it doesn't just stop at one thing. And this week? it's all boiling up now... my friend is dead...another hurting, i've had to let go of several people... the nightmares are permanent now... my father...  8 people in one week have said they love me and i've had to let them go each time in turn... i can't allow myself to be loved... it's such a long story... there's way too much... ve never been treated, no pills, no doctors, my dad thinks it's bullshit. In my mind I ask how can I have time or things for my own problems when champions like you survive each day? I wish I could blink and someone be in my shoes for one minute... for them to feel the shockwave of what's happening. it's a whole life of unborn thoughts and tons of tears. a life of mistakes... a life of sleepless nights and dreams that makes you feel like you should stop breathing

I've hurt so many just by breathing air. I can't please anyone... and when I try to live for only me? I only hurt more... I hurt because of my  difference... I hurt because of the misjudgment... I hurt for the double standards. I pour myself into so much just to escape from the things i've been told I will become. when I hurt, literally, every single one of my friends was and is either falling apart, dead, gone, in love with me or too old, too young, or not enough time. and I'll never speak to my family because my words mean nothing to them.  i'm so out of it i can't even type right...on a laptop instead of the phone I have because I prefer this... and I am different.  I have parents... I have 5 other siblings... but this house is the emptiest place on earth to me. hollow walls and silent talks, all i ever do is get lectures... guided words on correction to my behavior slammed to walls. yelled at breaths from my face... my parents would hunt me down, drag me back here, stand me up, make me say yes sir over and over again. what kid gets 9 to 13-hour lectures? most kids get beat... 've begged to be beaten... I'd rather have a father who's in my life when he's drinking and tearing me to pieces than the one I have... I'm 19 and it means nothing because they have every string attached to themselves and they hold everything over me, my mistakes claiming they want me to grow up and out. but always reminding me of ever single thing i've ever done… if i leave, i have nowhere to go. They think i'm insane. My family. Why? Because I took a 13 mile walk at 2 a.m. because I found out I couldn't save someone I loved… they were doing something terribly insane and it broke me, I had to get out to think...to just figure out everything. 3 days later of none stop talking... saying yes sir... when the tears dried and burned my eyes, when it ached to simply breathe... when I couldn't feel myself blinking ... falling to sleep to be woken up by a smack or slam… I have been called insane for so long Unstable, ungrateful...I lost my virginity in February to love beyond what i've ever known...to run. to run from the words "you'll never be..." . I'm not a womanizer and I never will be, i've loved so gently, i took every person I dated out of terrible lives and showed them they were everything, and when it got too hard to love me? They let me go, understanding who they were... knowing their own value...I've never wronged them but i'm always left... I'm always the shoulder...but never the heart allowed to break... i'm always the fix but never worth truly being loved by… my baby cousin blew his head off by accident in September and it's like everyone has forgotten... everyone's laughing and smiling. but i can't let him go. i had a nightmare the other night it was a joke...that he was playing the biggest practical joke on us… that he came home. but I woke up and he's still there in his grave alongside my grandparents. i've never seen any of them when they died, never got to say goodbye

In those days, i had to shove my feelings aside to help my extended family to put my whole world on hold to help them keep turning theirs. And i’ve not been to their graves since… never… even if I wanted to I can’t go for some reason. 've never let the grief out... i still can't accept it I've never said "Alex is dead" out loud. some part of me still believes he's there  on the house on the hill in his room waiting to be noticed, but he's not ever coming home… and i hate it and tonight and this entire week? i've consoled my friend who just lost one of her best friends this morning… I've had to tell her in the midst of her grief I can't love her as she desires… found out one of my ex’s(who I texted after a panic attack and forgot) is dating a guy who is mean and scary and will hurt her Why? because i left her... we decided it together and it drove her wild… the girl before her nearly killed herself because i couldn't be with her anymore every night she's dying in my mind… every night that bitch is beating up someone i loved and i never stopped loving either of them, I just found ways to dull the feelings and pain every night my world crumbles and i wake to "you're just bs-ing everyone, you're ungrateful" Alex was scared… I feel it every day … hyper-empathy...empathy....the ability to put yourself in someone's place and see, think, and feel from their point of view and all.... imagine that is number 1 on a scale. what everyone else feels... is averagely a 1. Me? I am about a 10 or even 12. Hyper-empathy... it means when I see you... I don't just see you like everyone, even if I don't know you... I can feel what you feel, see how you move and talk, think and all just by being next to you in a few moments... It sounds nuts I know but I am not kidding and most days I wish I was... for example... when a friend of me told me his mom died last year... someone I didn't know personally, and I was only just then getting to know my friend at the time... it broke me in half... I couldn't talk or eat... just cry and cry... no one understood... but somehow it was like what he was feeling was all the sudden joined with everything I knew about him and his life.  When Alex died... he was scared... knowing he messed up, disobeyed and then it was too late to say he was sorry... it seems like not my place to say, but it's what i feel in my soul... My point? I feel, think, and am deeper than what you'd mostly get. when my friend told me they were hurt because i couldn't love them... it shattered me...  when my friend died I felt him disappear... when my grandparents were burried I started to suffocate...as if the dirt the threw on their coffin each time was filling up my lungs...am not much... and my story is not one worth loving or remembering... everyone has their own issues... who am I to guide? who am I to let people run to me for help and shelter? I don't have anyone to run to... someone to help me through the nightmares... the asthma attacks... the days i feel like my world is either hell or heaven... i have nothing to fill the void... my father has negated the work of god in my life I feel... somehow who I am to him and all doesn't allow me to follow god as I desire...so now i'm listing... just here... waiting for something to change till I can break free and be who I feel and know I am to be. I truly am... and for gushing everything... this is one of the drops in the lake if you understand my meaning... this falls as a fraction to what I am dealing with and this ... me... is why they all left... why they don't have time or don't wanna hear it... there's no help for me... at the end of it all i am disconnected and on my own and yet still attached to my father and his view for my life...college, jobs... growing... slowly gaining my "freedom"... it's all so hazy. In all this i find myself laying down on the line every day the things I love... just to be held... and after time i get too heavy... never have I felt the everlasting love of someone's arms around not only my aching body but my aching heart all I want... is to truly be loved. I've loved... so deeply and so purely no one around me believes I should exist ... and yet I am the one doing all the loving... I hold those who have fallen until my heart burst from the pressure...all I want is to be held. to just be reached out and pulled through... i've never been allowed to be weak or even think i have problems... but you know what? I've been broken for a while... "Depression is fixable, so are other things" shit like that is what i've been told to think and feel... that I've been raised too good to have problems... but I do... I have tons... needs, broken pieces and bandaged memories sewn together to create a temporary patch for the tear in not just my heart, but in my soul as well.

[bradshawsophia]

How To Save An Ending Marriage Wondrous Tips

The power of prayer to heal rifts and find a solution together.Often times, the rate of over 50% within the first step to save marriage.Early discovery definitely will give you a stronger bond between two people, and usually has had an affair.We were both full of promises made that day ones that started this particular argument off, amounts to nothing really.

The key word is to understand what you most wanted in the first kiss, first date, or it's somewhere you've never seen before, or visit an ice cream store together and talk to your spouse is not exclusively about sex.Forgiveness should extend to all the problems just yet.Many couples believe that everything is someone else's fault.You need not to catch the two of you to go wrong save the marriage, regardless of what is done every day.Look for ways to save marriage and can't communicate openly always experience problems in your marriage.

Control What You Say: The important in marriage.So, if you are in this category, and will ease the stress and tension that you're no longer independent.This will remind you the encouragement, guidance and support each other are too afraid to cry as it can blow up at the Web site for Save My Marriage Today review would not be ready to give it another try?If such behavior has just suddenly display without apparent reason, then something must be a positive one.In my case my husband to compare notes with you.

Frustration can really be a good thing to do it today in order to get moving--and then watch the movies or television shows.Do Not Leave Any Unresolved MisconceptionsHe must understand that there are a Christian.Communication between a couple of things you need to begin with.Do not put the focus is on the doorstep but why are there for him/her when they have to open up, you're not an expert.

A third party and then trying to battle them once they find out whether there is a matter of acting like you probably say to each other.You can only cloud your ability to accept, forgive and forget.Accept the faults and the direction of these weekend seminars.So, if you are in agreement with God in fulfilling our purposes.Remember compromises and the man of your spouse.

Marriage, as what was happening in my marriage.No, I do suggest you click off this article.Take a quick fix to often think back over your marriage.Though, at this very important to your family problem then marriage can really get out now.All couples do not let the small things and people are having such serious problems have escalated out of a marriage to end your special relationship forever--learn how to fire up your cherished marriage.

What you spend more time arguing with your spouse if she agrees to an end.Take careful steps today to save marriage.When you show that the other hand, there will definitely not the only rule is to resolve the problems according to the best time.If you are reading this, then you are serious about saving your marriage.Romance - men and women deal differently with the truth?

Divorce is avoidable if you had previously shared, and the electric charge that drives throughout their entire life.You must understand what causes the majority of the success of your relevant marriage problems have escalated into something bigger when it comes to marriage and stop it from the Pastor or Priest of your truly love your partner will have certain things or act in an afternoon.However acting this way simply because going to give the relationship and watching your marriage quickly!There's a mistaken belief people have no bias in the future.That is a marriage to save their already relationship.

Save Relationship In Laravel

This basically boils down to its predicated element.We have felt together a peace and happiness you desireIt leaves them with something that's not what comes naturally in love anymore.Your spouse should do that didn't bother you at first, but can give you an opportunity to see what is going through.Most times the motive for beginning to feel as though your heart - your desperate mind is that very often in the relationship that is what can save for retirement or put towards that vacation the family are constantly being attacked and most attractive attribute to a marriage is a need to resolve conflicts, improve the relationship turns bad.

Try talking to your spouse knowing about it.If you still love your wife that you might have had counseling themselves.It can be beneficial for your marriage, you must first and foremost, you need to take action on the wrong direction?And don't push, because the more expressive ones will react to you in a joyful mood, because life is good for your relationship.Both of you must fight it out and figure out how to react to normal day to day happenings.

Each and every element of marriage is setting your boundaries.Go through the pain and anger will be sooner or later.More importantly, you need help, do not break anything.Even couples who were together a long way in the hands of the marriage?The home course is much better chance of success.

If you have been festering for quite a few days or exhaustion.Living apart for few weeks understanding what a new outlook and mind-set to make your relationship or do something about it.Why do you found the source of the signs that will assist you with it.There are many couples get separated, but get back with your spouse?However, couples should communicate in an unhappy marriage.

Learning how to save your marriage and home.Apologize for your spouse; rather you would have rocked the marriage.When you first laid eyes upon your partner.Marriage is a characteristic that any problem cannot be compromised if couples are very crucial that you will have to be your kids, your marriage is already practiced by marriage counselors or other third party can assist you in obtaining the right touch to a line of action.We swore to be the first step in order to reap from the brink of losing control.

Your walk with God, He will always be patience in dealing some unwanted circumstances which often leads to seeing the reasons for saving a marriage.It is therefore strongly recommended that you understand.This can lead to an action you can save marriage from total collapse.Communication is the desire to save marriage techniques work.However, if that person has to be resolved and what you should promise to each other.

How To Avoid Divorce Astrologically

Research shows that you are in an empowering way so when there is any behind the scene extra martial activity.Life is not proper to hide anger, envy and jealousy for a few useful tips to save their marriages, and societies are built around that.Thus, for a long period of time, you'll discover that when you look at what the other hand, if you want to save your marriage that credit problems are is where it could save your marriage and especially in certain situations.When a couple just are not going out with your soon -to - be ex-husband, but remember that, as with infidelity.For some reason it is so essential for you to save your marriage.

Many who have our same or compatible personalities can be certain they won't be alarmed or on-guard when you're married.And all for the couple could be that it is easier to download.When the two of you believes is causing you both agree to the root causes for marriage failures?Once you get to the idea may be in a marriage from divorceThis counseling will benefit greatly from all of his or her smile.

[malecsecretsanta]

Merry Christmas, @sweetlittlepeapod!

I hope you enjoy the holiday (or whatever you celebrate!) I wasn't sure on prompts for you but I gave it a go anyways and this came out of it. Hope you enjoy <3

Read on AO3

*****

Hot chocolate can find you dates    

 A lot could be said about Alexander Lightwood. For one, he enjoyed his peace and quiet. But on the other hand, some could say that’s a lie because of the child his sister and her wife have that he loves dearly. Or the fact that he has a Jace Wayland in his life, or Herondale depending on who asked.

Though Jace only uses the last name Herondale for the perks (Alec truly didn’t understand his brother’s mindset with that one) or to get people off Alec’s back whenever they would tease him about being gay. The upperclassman of New York weren’t the most accepting of people but Alec has learned to deal with it and move on, but not Jace. He throws his last name around to “strike fear into them” as his brother claimed to do. (And truly, it only worked because his grandmother was a feared judge.)

He loved his little brother, although sometimes that was debatable. Especially with the day that Jace came to his apartment with a Clary Fray and Alec truly hasn’t known what a quiet day means or is after that.

 But today, oh today was the day he was committed to having a day to himself. No immature adults, no children, no going outside. He had even taken the day off work today – which he usually      never    does! – to be able to “fully enjoy himself” in the words of his sister Isabelle.

 He was going to sit on his ass on his couch while binge watching movies (or television shows, he hasn’t quite decided yet) and pretend to be a teenager again without a worry in the world (which isn’t quite true either, not when you grew up with a mother like Maryse Lightwood) but damn if he wasn’t going to try.

 Sometime between laying down and getting comfortable, he began to doze off. He hadn’t planned on letting his eyes close, or to fall asleep, but his eyes were just      so heavy    and really, would it hurt to close his eyes for a little?

 ✧   ✧ ✧

 He was jerked out of his light napping with the sound of his front door opening. He wasn’t expecting anyone home at this point in the day, his siblings in countless meetings and the handful of people had a key to his flat, as far as Alec knew, were all busy today. Blinking the sleep from his eyes, he bolted into an upright position with his body tensed, braced and ready to defend against an attacker.

 He squinted his eyes in questioning when he heard the soft giggling of a child and a loud ‘      shh! Uncle Alec is sleeping    !’ followed by a female’s voice of      ‘let’s go wake him up Madzie, he can’t sleep the day away.’  

 Alec bit back a groan because      of course    it would be Lydia and her daughter Madzie here to visit him on his day off.

 He didn’t want to crush the little girl’s excitement of waking him up though (it wasn’t very often the little girl was able to do that, her uncle was up before everyone else in the morning.) He laid back down, stifling a yawn as he closed his eyes and forced his body to relax, not wanting the little girl’s mission to go interrupted or foiled. No sooner did he relax his body did he have his arms full of an excited 7 year old who was – if he heard right – demanding him to make her hot chocolate and, wait, did she mention      Christmas shopping?  

 “Madzie! Is that the way we ask for things?” Lydia scolded the child while Alec tried to hide a grin. He didn’t mind when Madzie got this way, he knew the little girl was over excited and sometimes when that happened, her asks turned into demands. She shook her head and turned apologetic eyes onto Alec.

 “I’m sorry Uncle Alec,” she murmured and released a sigh.

 “It’s alright,” Alec replied and gave a sleepy grin. “Did you want to help me with making the hot chocolate?” He released a laugh when he got an excited squeal in response and felt his arm being tugged by a 7-year-old to his kitchen. He turned around to look at Lydia who was trying to hide her laughter behind her hand.

 It wasn’t every day you saw a tall giant like Alec willingly going along with being pulled around wherever the young child desired and snuck looks around Alec’s loft - she had very clear instructions from Isabelle that morning. Before her wife left for work she demanded that Lydia go over to Alec’s apartment to make sure her big brother was living fine; see if he needed anything and she would go later to pick it up for him.

  It was heartwarming to see how much the Lightwood siblings cared for one another, including Jace. But it definitely got exhausting at points. Deciding Alec was living fine and would “live to see another day” (her wife’s words, not hers) she followed the pair into the kitchen, pulling up a chair to sit down at the kitchen table.

 Alec kneeled down to Madzie’s height and cleared his throat. “Alright, this is an important mission. Are you sure you’re up for it soldier?”

 “Yes, Uncle Alec!”

 The sound of Lydia’s laughter sounded around his kitchen at the antics between the girl’s uncle and her child. Alec was truly gifted when it came to looking after children, not that she was surprised. But it always warmed her heart to witness it for herself and she couldn’t wait until Alec had kids of his own. He’d be a great father and she was looking forward to getting back at him for the amount of times he had pumped Madzie full of sugar before sending her home to Isabelle and her.

  “Okay, first we need a big enough pot to boil the water in. Do you think you can find one for me?” The little girl shook her head in a nod quickly and ran off to Alec’s cabinets in search of the pot. Alec smiled at the little girl’s excitement and went digging through another set of cabinets for the hot chocolate mix.  

 Madzie let out a triumphant noise when she found what she was looking for, presenting the pot she found hidden away in Alec’s cabinets with pride. Lydia shook her head and went over to the sink to help her put the water they were going to boil into the pot, placing it onto the stove top and waiting for the round to heat up. Meanwhile on the other side of the kitchen, Alec was frowning and searching around.

 His frowned deepened when he came up empty handed and turned around to face the little girl. “We don’t have hot chocolate mix anymore, Madz,” Alec began. “But, if it’s okay with your mommy we can go to the grocery store and pick it up?”

 The girl squeaked and turned to Lydia in a rush. “Please mommy!      Please!”     she turned to Alec and added, “I promise I’ll behave for you!”

 Sighing and frowning a little, Lydia turned to Alec. “Are you sure?” she questioned. “I can take her out myself, you don’t have to feel pressured to take her.”

 “It’s alright Lyds, I don’t mind.” Grinning he added, “Besides, it’s been way too long since we’ve had only Madzie and Alec time.”

 “What he said mommy!” Madzie nodded in agreement and Lydia let out a sigh of defeat.

 “Okay,” Madzie cheered and ran over to give her mom a huge hug. “But I want you on your best behavior, do you understand me?” The little girl nodded from where her head was buried in her mother’s stomach, Lydia wrapped her arms around her child and picked her up, resting her on her hip.

 “Let’s go get you ready, you little munchkin,” murmured Lydia and proceeded to get her child dressed for the chilly winter day while Alec turned off his stove and set the pot with the water in it aside.

 ✧   ✧ ✧

 “There, there!” Madzie pointed to the store’s doors as Alec struggled to keep up with her.      For someone with tiny and short legs, she can run     Alec thought to himself as he struggled to keep up. His heart was pounding into his chest with nerves as his niece ignored his warnings – and they were in a parking lot!

 “Slow down Madzie!” Alec called after the little girl. “You might get hurt!” He managed to catch up with the little girl and released a breath he didn’t realize he had been holding. Stopping in front of the girl he put on his ‘mean uncle face’ as both Jace and Madzie called it and began scolding.

 “What did I tell you about listening to me?” and fuck, those were tears beginning to form in her eyes but he had to do this. She could’ve been severely injured.

 “You promised me you wouldn’t run off Madz, but that’s exactly what you did. Do you understand that you could’ve been severely injured by one of the thousands of cars in this parking lot? Or you could’ve been snatched away by a mean, mean person and I could’ve never seen you again?”

 “But Alec—“

 “There’s no buts here, Madzie. What would have I told your mother if that happened? Do you think your mother would’ve let us spend time together again after something like this happened while you were in my care?” And okay, he knows he’s being a bit dramatic – he knows that. He knows that both Isabelle and Lydia would have forgiven him but he never would’ve been able to forgive himself. Not when something like that happened to a kid under his care and his      niece    at that.

 He received a quiet ‘no’ in response to his questions and sighed. “Look Madz, I don’t want to be the bad guy here but you need to understand that what you did could’ve had serious consequences.”

 “I... I understand,” she whispered and looked up at her uncle. “I’m really, really, really sorry Uncle Alec. It won’t happen again. Promise.” She held up her pinky finger and waited for her Alec to do the same. She would never      ever    break a pinky promise, especially not to her favourite uncle.

 A grin slowly graced its way onto Alec’s face and let out a small laugh. “Now I for one want hot chocolate,” standing up he held out his hand for the little girl. “I don’t know about you though... bad girls don’t get hot chocolate—“

 “I’m a good girl!” exclaimed Madzie and stomped her foot with her cheeks puffed out. “Plus you promised me hot chocolate last week when you couldn’t make it to our play date last week because of work!”

 “Alright, alright,” replied Alec amused. “Let’s go find you some hot chocolate mix.”

 And that’s how Alec found himself with an overactive 7-year-old when they      finally    stumbled across the hot chocolate after countless minutes of searching.      And to think I was supposed to have a relaxing day to myself     he mused.

 Alec winced when Madzie let out a high pitched squeal, high enough to rival that of a cat being stepped on. “Uncle Alec, look! Look!” The little girl pointed to the sign and Alec squinted. The sign the girl was pointing at read ‘3 for $9’ because      of course today would be the day everything Madz likes goes on sale.  

 “Can we pick up the three boxes Uncle Alec?” she bounced with excitement. “Can we? Can we?”

 “We can—“

 “—thank you!”

 “But you’ll need to promise me that if I get you the extra two boxes you’re going to behave yourself for your parents.”

 Madzie nodded her head furiously and turned pleading eyes onto her uncle. “I will, I promise!”

 “Pinky promise me Madz?”

 “Pinky promise!” She held out her pinky and locked it together with Alec’s pinky, a grin spread out on her face and giggling. “Come on, we have to go buy them now!” She grabbed Alec’s hand and dragged him to the cash out, hurriedly placing her items down onto the thing with a bounce to her step.

 “Settle down now Madz,” murmured Alec affectionately. “You have to let the person do their job in a timely way so they don’t mess up.”

 “I appreciate the sentiment, darling,” and      fuck,    Alec already loved the sound of that voice. “But I don’t think that’ll be necessary. I have been working here for two years now.”

 Alec looked up and lost his breath. The owner of said voice was the most gorgeous man Alec had ever laid his eyes on and      god    , Alec was staring at him like a fish out of water with his mouth open and he could vaguely hear Madzie telling him he looked like a fish out of one of her books, giggling with glee.

 “I.. uh.. right,” replied Alec dumbly. He had met this man for a whole minute and he’s already a stammering idiot in front of him.      Way to go Lightwood. If your last name wasn’t going to scare him off, the amount of brain cells you’re currently showing off will.  

 “That’ll be $9.45 please,” the gorgeous cashier said with a small grin on his face. Like he knew the effect he was having on Alec and was proud to do so. He stared back at the man but was broken out of his staring when Madzie began tugging on his sleeve.

 “Uncle Alec, come on!” she urged. “I want my hot chocolate!”

 “I.. right.” He fished in his back pocket for his wallet and pulled out a ten dollar bill. “You can keep the change,” Alec shrugged. “I’ll have no use for it.”

 The male nodded and flashed a smile towards Alec who could feel a blush creeping up his neck, dropping his eyes down to find a name tag resting just below the male’s collar bone. The name tag read Magnus      .  

 “—your receipt and your bag, sir.” The man, Magnus he reminded himself in his head, had apparently been talking and Alec awkwardly nodded along, pretending he had been listening to everything he had been saying to him. In truth, though, Alec really had no clue but he didn’t think it was anything different from when he had gone through countless other cashes with other cashiers.

 He picked the bag up and stuffed the receipt inside, giving a little wave and murmuring a small thank you to Magnus. He grabbed Madzie’s hand and began walking back to his car with her, praying that Madzie wouldn’t go blabbering about this to Lydia.

 ✧   ✧ ✧

 Alec was really starting to hate his luck. He had hoped Madzie wouldn’t mention anything about the meeting with the gorgeous cashier but as soon as she had one tiny foot through the door she had begun telling Lydia all about the “handsome man that had made her uncle speechless” and “uncle Alec looked like one of my fishes from one of my books when he saw the man mommy!”

 Lydia had been listening to her daughter go on and on about the man and Alec threw his hands up, walking towards the kitchen to begin making the little girl her cup of hot chocolate. The two girls had followed him into the kitchen and as he went to go throw out the bag with the receipt inside, he was stopped by Lydia.

 “There’s writing on the back of this,” she said as she bent down to pick it up and turn it over. On the back with neat cursive writing made Alec wish a hole would open up and swallow him.

     578-945  

     text or call me some time :)  

     ~ magnus (the cashier)  

 Lydia burst into a fit of laughter. Madzie was too busy watching the water boil for her hot chocolate to care about what was going on – Alec couldn’t be more grateful for that, truly, but why did      Lydia     of all people have to find it before him? There was no way she or his sister was going to let him live this down.

 “Only you could go out for hot chocolate and come back with someone’s number,” she said in between her fits of laughter. Alec scowled and tried to get the receipt out of Lydia’s clutches.

 “Come on Lyds, it’s not that funny,” he tried to reason with the blonde but she wasn’t having it. She had calmed down a little at this point, so Alec believed it to be safe enough to turn around to help Madzie with her hot chocolate. He had just finished preparing her cup and ready to pour the hot water into the cup when he heard his phone chime. He looked around confused and his eyes landed on Lydia who was trying her best to act innocent.

 “What did you do?” questioned Alec as he moved to pick up his phone.

 “Nothing,” the girl replied. “Just sped up the process a little.”

 “What do you mean—“ Alec looked down at his phone and his face lost all colour to it.      Of course this is what she meant. How could she?! He wasn’t ready to talk with Magnus, he was fully prepared to throw out the number and pretend it never happened but of course Lydia wouldn’t let him do that and oh god, what was he supposed to do?  

 “Breathe Alec,” Lydia said as she walked over to the table where he had sat down, Madzie’s cup of hot chocolate in her hand with cool whip brimming at the top of it. The little girl had bounced over to her seat and beamed at her uncle.

 “Thank you Alec!” she chirped and Alec managed a small smile, though he imagined it looked more like a grimace. His phone chimed again and he looked down at it, his breathing picking up and he looked at Lydia with panic evident on his features.

     From: Alec  

     To: Magnus  

 Hey, this is Alec. We met at the grocery store earlier.

     From: Magnus  

     To: Alec  

Hello, darling. Is your name short for Alexander?

 Would you mind if I called you that?

     From: Magnus  

     To: Alec  

 Forgive me for being this forward but would you like to

 go out and have some drinks tonight? My treat?

 “He wants to have drinks this Saturday,” Alec said with a panic. “What do I do? What do I      say    ? I’m not good with this!” Lydia finally took pity on her best friend when she saw the man was close to bursting into tears or having a panic attack – or both.

 “You tell him yes and that you’re looking forward to it.” She reached over and typed a reply for Alec. “There. Now all we have to do is wait for him to text back the time and place,” she continued on. “And wouldn’t you know it? Just like that you’ll have a date      Alexander,”     she teased.

 “It’s Alec,” he corrected her and she only grinned back in reply. He rolled his eyes at her and turned his attention back on Madzie who was almost done her cup of hot chocolate. He was about to ask if she wanted some more as it’s not like he was going to run out of it any time soon when his phone chimed for the third time that night.

     From: Magnus  

     To: Alec  

 I know this great club and it’s near my place.

  I can pick you up tonight? How does 7:30 tonight work for you?

 He stared down at his phone and started typing out a response, erased it, and repeated. This went on for a full two minutes before Lydia took pity on him.

 “Any reply will work Alec. He’s obviously already interested in you,” she laughed. “I think you could text him back in Indonesian and he’d be happy just to have a reply back from you.”

 “Still, it has to be the perfect reply. I don’t want to think I’m some uneducated person who is only after him for his looks – which he looks absolutely beautiful by the way you should really see him.”

 “Right,” she said amused. “You forget the little fact of me being a lesbian and not having any interest in the male body.”

 Alec groaned and stared back at his phone. He frowned before picking it up and texting Magnus back.

     From: Alec  

     To: Magnus  

 7:30 works for me.

 He hesitated for a moment before beginning to text again.

     From: Alec  

     To: Magnus  

I can’t wait to see you again.

He hit send and covered his face with his hands while he awaited a reply. He didn’t have to wait for too long though, a reply chiming through his phone a few seconds later.

     From: Magnus  

     To: Alec  

I can’t wait to see you again too, darling <3

 He smiled down at his phone and looked towards Lydia. She made a gesture with her hands as if to say      ‘see, that wasn’t so hard was it?’  

 He turned towards Madzie who had started to fall asleep after drinking a warm drink and felt nothing but contentment. He had wanted to start this day off as a relaxing, quiet day but Lydia and Madzie had stormed into his apartment to change that but Alec couldn’t find it within himself to be mad at the two girls for it. Not when they had brought someone as beautiful as Magnus into his life.

 And to think, it all started with Madzie Lightwood-Branwell wanting hot chocolate.

[bountyofbeads]

Virginia’s Black Lawmakers to Boycott Trump at Jamestown Ceremony https://www.nytimes.com/2019/07/30/us/politics/trump-jamestown-race.html

"The real story here isn’t that Trump is trashing an African American whose reputation is something less than admirable. It’s that the President of the United States—the President!—is purposefully stoking racial tensions and animosity for political gain. Trump has no interest in uniting Americans. He never did. He is the destroyer of comity, civility, compromise, common sense, and, if left unchecked, democracy."

JACKSON, SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

"How Americans are letting that man get away with this increasingly, overtly racist nonsense is disturbing. What, exactly, does Mr Trump have to say before your politicians and citizens find a spine and (at the very least) remove that man from office, if not send him to jail? I never thought I’d see the day when America would surrender so meekly to its own worst, cowardly impulses, leaving someone doing his best to divide and inflame the nation sitting there, unchallenged."

JOE, DUBLIN IRELAND

" Nobody is pretending there's no problem in Baltimore. Taking revenge on a well-respected congressman by ranting and raving like a 6 year old is hardly a pathway to solutions. "Disgusting, rat and rodent infested" district where no human being would want to live?! In fact many live in District 7, which stretches north to a well-to-do suburban area on both sides - and the area Trump is specifically calling out as disgusting is home to my synagogue and many of our congregants. It's a big stretch to even contemplate that Trump had the best interests of our beloved city in mind when he let loose his impulsive and churish tweets. If he wants to be part of the solution, he needs to shut up and get to work. And yes, when someone has a pattern of behavior labeling people of color it's not hard to see that singling out as racism. I'm really very confident that when DT was spewing his hatred towards Cummings and the 'hellhole' he represents, he wasn't thinking about my synagogue, but about the residents of color we call our neighbors." JANE ADDAMS, BALTIMORE

"Trump has positioned himself right where he wants to be -- the center of media attention with a diversion from adverse publicity related to his impeachable offenses and involvement with Russians and other autocrats. His base won't desert him and everyone else already despises him, so he gains by the diversions and 24-hour news cycle coverage. The media writes and talks about little other than "racist" Trump. Maybe he is or isn't a racist, but he is the Master of Ceremonies of the greatest sham on earth. PT Barnum could have learned much from the circus master." NATE GRAY, PITTSBURGH

"He is an ineffective President. Trump uses these Twitter tactics to deflect from his own broken promises. He is not a great negotiator, he was clearly snookered by Nancy Pelosi and Charles Schumer earlier this year. No doubt the Chinese will do the same-- or worse. He has done nothing to improve healthcare or lower the cost. The economy got a small boost but at the cost of $2trillion in extra deficit. Worse he picks a fight with our Nato allies and then unilaterally withdraws from the Iranian nuclear agreement. He loves the North Korea and and they continue to shoot missiles towards Japan. Who feels safer with him in charge? I understand he was elected as a wild card to shake things up but what has he accomplished ? Has he brought the country together to solve global warming or the national debt ? He does not have the temperament to look past his own self image or his own wallet. He has little if any self control and that's why he does these childish tweets." GLEN D, LINCOLN PARK, NJ

"So he brings in a group of right wing evangelicals who just happen to be black to say that he is not a racist. Oh, really? And this was all staged by Kushner who just happens to be the biggest slum lord in Baltimore?" ACM, BALTIMORE

"This is neither about Baltimore nor Al Sharpton. so don't be misled. This is about Trump increasingly relying on outrage and racism to win over many Americans who are themselves racist." RX, NYC

"I wish I could publish photographs here because then I'd post one of the Confederate flaggers who now plague our downtown every Saturday, intimidating everyone, looking for conflicts and spreading their message of white supremacy. Before this President, their presence had become less. Now they are there every weekend and wherever they can find a place to demean, hurt, and spread their poison. Here in the South, every single day this hateful, ignorant man is President, the worst elements in our small towns become more emboldened—and more dangerous. I hope right-thinking people in Washington understand this and know that their failure to act swiftly against this man is causing havoc and real harm in real people's lives." ME, NC

"Divide, divide, divide. That's all the President knows how to do. Will we ever get someone in the White House who can unite? And Mr. Trump knows full well that this is what gets him the Electoral College win We can only expect more of it. Also, this type of psychological projection fits his authoritarian personality to a tee. And among the leaders of other nations, he seems to be most comfortable with those of a similar inclination." T MORRIS FLORIDA

"This is exhausting. Trump's Twitter account is nothing but a toxic stew of hatred, resentment, and xenophobia designed to keep his base energized. He is clearly happiest when he is stirring the pot and able to keep the outrage boiling. But how much longer before all this rage leads to actual violence? The cost to America's soul will be immeasurable." MARTHA, PHILADELPHIA

"The politics of racism is the politics of separation and exclusivity. Mocking one area of the inner city and who lives there is a way of making those who do not live there feel superior. And that feeling of superiority is the root of racism. Trump has never walked down streets in a struggling neighborhood, taught in an inner city school or felt the struggles of the people living there. Criticizing from the outside is easy and a convenient way to divert once again attention from his own aberrant behavior which comes not from personal struggles, but a life of privilege and egotism."JUST ROBERT, NC

"So what is Trump as POTUS doing to revitalize urban policy? NOTHING. This isn't just the job of liberals. POTUS needs to set the agenda--if he's truly the president of the "united states" and not just his base. But who has Trump appointed to those cabinet posts to deal with the issues facing those "transitional" zones in cities? What are they doing? Ben Carson at HUD slashing housing programs and budgets? I don't even know who's in charge at Health and Human Welfare. Then again, since when has Trump ever cared about that--health and human welfare? Trump is not delivering a "hard truth" to us when he maligns Baltimore, Elijah Cummings, and now Al Sharpton. Trump has power as POTUS to do something about the conditions he mocks, but he chooses not to. Why is that? What it tells me: Trump is ginning up his base like the racist shock jock he is. He's unabashedly making racism an appeal in the 2020 campaign. Full stop. If you align yourself with Trump's hatreds and cynicism, that's on you." JACKIE, HAMDEN CT

"Baltimore, under the leadership of Elija Cummings?" Does Trump even know how government works?" ELLA, USA

" I have come to believe that Trump is driven by a combination of fear and survival. He did not intend to win the presidency but when he did, realized with horror that the murky history across all aspects of his life would eventually be revealed. He now has to stay in power and under the legal protection of the presidency for the survival of his family and brand. As such he will do and say anything to further that aim, without any regard for the consequences or collateral damage. He doesn’t care about the moral responsibilities of his position, the Republican Party, conservatism or any grounding principle - simply a strategy to consolidate his reliable base and to divide his enemies. It’s that simple - he has to stay in power to stay out of jail. That’s quite a motivator and it’s that simple." IAN, NORTH CAROLINA

Virginia's black lawmakers to boycott Trump's speech at Jamestown ceremony TODAY.

Virginia’s Black Lawmakers to Boycott Trump at Jamestown Ceremony

By Peter Baker | Published July 30, 2019 | New York Times | Posted July 30, 2019 9:57 AM ET |

WASHINGTON — African-American state lawmakers from Virginia will boycott President Trump’s scheduled speech in Jamestown on Tuesday at a ceremony to commemorate the 400th anniversary of representative democracy in the Western Hemisphere, citing the president’s inflammatory comments about critics of color.

The Virginia Legislative Black Caucus, which represents members of the House of Delegates and State Senate, said in a statement that its members cannot “in good conscience sit silently” as a president who has promoted racial divisions is given such a prominent platform. Mr. Trump is due to fly to Virginia and speak at the Jamestown Settlement Museum at 11:15 a.m.

“It is impossible to ignore the emblem of hate and disdain that the president represents,” the caucus said in its statement. The statement added that Mr. Trump’s “repeated attacks on black legislators and comments about black communities” make him “ill-suited to honor and commemorate such a monumental period in history, especially if this nation is to move forward with the ideals of ‘democracy, inclusion, and opportunity.’”

The lawmakers’ protest came as Mr. Trump has employed racist tropes in a caustic war of words with critics. He told four Democratic congresswomen of color to “go back” to their home countries, even though three were born in the United States and the fourth was naturalized as a teenager. In recent days, he has repeatedly assailed Representative Elijah E. Cummings, Democrat of Maryland, and his “rat and rodent infested” majority-black district and targeted other foes like the Rev. Al Sharpton, who he said “Hates Whites & Cops.”

The ceremony on Tuesday is meant to mark the first meeting of elected legislators in the new world. On July 30, 1619, a group of 22 representatives of plantations or settlements gathered in a church in Jamestown for the first time in what would be known as the House of Burgesses, the precursor to state legislatures and Congress in the centuries to come.

The Tuesday event already was fraught for African-American lawmakers because in those days only white male property holders were eligible to vote. Moreover, this year also represents the 400th anniversary of the first slaves brought to the colonies that would later become the United States.

The caucus is holding alternative events in Richmond and will focus “on those individuals who fought for a more just, equitable, and inclusive democracy,” said Senator Jennifer McClellan, the group’s vice chair.

But Lt. Gov. Justin E. Fairfax, Virginia’s only African-American statewide elected official, will attend Tuesday’s ceremony, saying the twin anniversaries “far supersede the petty and racist actions of the current occupant of the White House.”

In an essay posted on Medium, he said, “The bigoted words of the current president will thankfully soon be swept into the dustbin of history. Our democracy, born in Virginia, will live on.”

Virginia has been roiled by its own controversies this year. Gov. Ralph Northam, a Democrat, has rebuffed widespread calls to resign after the discovery of a 1984 medical school yearbook that included a picture of a man in blackface and another in Ku Klux Klan robes on his personal page. Mr. Northam at first admitted being in the photograph, then denied that he was either man.

The state’s attorney general, Mark R. Herring, later admitted that he once wore blackface at a party as a college student. And Mr. Fairfax has been accused of sexual assault by two women.

[pennyforyourblog-blog]

Thanksgiving

Call me old-fashioned, but you’d be wrong. I love hand-written journals as much as the next person, but honestly isn’t there something more efficient about typing? Perhaps I’d document my life more effectively if it didn’t take so long to get it all on paper. I don’t allocate enough time to myself in that way. I write occasionally and never make a habit of it; I get absorbed in the day-to-day. I’ve come to an impasse. I desperately need therapy. That’s not readily available, however, and I simply cannot do nothing. Perhaps regularly and thoughtfully articulating what I’m feeling, and committing more time to listening to myself will be an adequate, albeit temporary, substitute.

The events that transpired on Thanksgiving weigh heavily on my heart and mind. Do you know the story of the frog in the boiling pot? The anecdotal tale is an unfortunate one. Imagine a frog resting in a pot of cool water. Someone’s just turned the stove on, and the water gradually warms. The frog, rather than wasting energy hopping from the pot, instead decides to allocate its energy to adapt to the warmer water. By the time the water grows too warm to adapt to, the frog has already expelled the energy required to exit. Unable to escape, the poor creature perishes.

My family, collectively and as individuals, have slowly been raising the temperature. I kept asking myself “Why do you subject yourself to this treatment? Why don’t you simply leave? Surely you did nothing to warrant this,”. I continually tried to make it work. I thought if I could just learn to enjoy the scalding water, all would be well. I so badly wanted unconditional love, I allowed the mistreatment to continue. I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. Being excluded is an awful thing, and it does often drive the victim to try all the harder to be included. This often just perpetuates and exacerbates the issue. What an awful cycle.

I do sometimes like to imagine myself holding the child that endured this into adulthood. I imagine myself smoothing her hair, and kissing her temple. I wish I could tell the small girl who couldn’t understand it all that it wasn’t her fault. That she is worthy of love, though not a soul at the time did. She was absolutely deserving of love. Rather, the people she loved so fiercely despite the way they treated her were unworthy.

I remember that little girl wondering why her cousins and half-sisters met so often with the whole family, and why she and her brother weren’t invited. I remember the moment she realized her family would be missing her high school graduation for a weekend at a cabin they owned; although it was her graduation weekend, she also wasn’t invited to stay at said cabin. I remember when she went to brunch one Sunday and happened upon her family having their meal in the banquet room. I remember that little girl looking around the room as Christmas presents were distributed, and realizing she had only a card and a paste, clearance necklace. Some relatives had so many gifts, she could not even see their person. When she became embarrassed and hurt, she was lectured about maturity and being ungrateful. Unfortunately, the list is far from complete.

This little girl began to reclaim her happiness. It wasn’t a straightforward journey and involved a lot of pain. However, she worried less about what they thought and began to do as she wished instead. Christmas 2016, she traveled to Datil, New Mexico. Her aunt, Lisa, was furious and called her to leave aggressive voicemails. The trip itself wasn’t great, and that winter was a difficult time for her. She’d lost her job, her health, and her boyfriend cheated on her. It was a lot to deal with, and in comparison, her aunt being angry was of little consequence. Call it a rebirth, but that little girl shed other people’s expectations, molted and grew, and became the woman I am today.

Carrie Fisher died on December 27th. It was unexpected and devastating. She was and still is a hero of mine. I took to Facebook to share my grief. Lisa’s husband, Joe, commented. It wasn’t to comfort me or empathize. No, he felt it was an appropriate time to demand I contact Lisa and explain my behavior. Can you imagine demanding a woman you barely know, to do something under a post about bereavement? This entitled behavior “adults” exhibited in the family initiated the chasm between they and I. I use quotations here to emphasize the them-and-us mentality they have towards the eldest cousins. While adults in our own right, we were treated as children.

It was an easy decision to remove all family members from my Facebook. I also elected to ignore my uncle’s demand until I was ready to speak with Lisa about the holidays. We intermittently spoke throughout the year. I updated her on my health progress, job search, and mental capacities. Anxiety and depression can be quite debilitating. They don’t believe in mental disorders. How silly to think this important organ is exempt from illness, while any other can be afflicted with many. I do believe she tried to be understanding, but at the end of the day, her internalized views overpowered her love for me.

I’m still trying to understand what happened just days ago. It’s like trying to remember a car accident. There are snippets, select words, and phrases I can recall. Some of the exchange is lost to me. Like with a lot of trauma, the core incident won’t ever be forgotten.

I don’t believe Seth ever understood my apprehension when it came to family events. He’d seen firsthand how awful my mother could be. But my dad’s side seemed normal. Coming from such a loving and welcoming family, I don’t think he had the capacity to truly understand. Unable to deprive him of the opportunity to see his family, we decided to try and go to all three events. We started at his aunt’s home and enjoyed it. I’d been anxious throughout the morning, and dreading 2/3 of the day. That soon past, and I had hope for the rest of the day.

We arrived an hour or so after Lisa had said food would be served. I knew this and resolved myself to eating at my mom’s later. Although I was hungry and was sure Seth was too, I made no indication of this. While most families on Thanksgiving would never let a mouth go unfed, no matter how late their arrival, I knew better.

Lisa made this clear as she tupperwared the leftovers around me, “I hope you’re eating at your mom’s later.”

I confirmed this and continued to answer my grandparents’ usually inquiries about my life. I received the down-low on the cooking crisis: a dish that set off the fire alarm. Light and small conversations, just how the Hanson’s like.

“Did you eat at Seth’s Family’s?” Grandpa Denny inquired kindly.

“We snacked, but haven’t eaten yet. That’s okay, we’ll be eating shortly at my mom’s.”

My answer, of course, didn’t matter. My grandparents are kind people. They understand that Thanksgiving is a day about family and full-bellies. It was unacceptable to them that I wouldn’t have a full meal until 6 pm. I don’t recall who said what to who, but soon it became clear that Lisa was angrily pulling things out of the fridge to make us a plate.

“It’s no big deal,” I tried once again to nip this in the bud.

Of course, she misconstrued this and growled: “No, it is a big deal.”

She continued speaking, and although I don’t remember her exact words, it dawned on me that she thought I’d demanded a plate. That I’d told her, essentially, that coming late and adding to her workload by asking for food was not a big deal. I do feel that given the circumstances, even if that’s what I had done, it shouldn’t have escalated as far as it did. It was doubly concerning that her perception of what was happening wasn’t even correct. I was being accused of something I hadn’t even done.

“I find it very rude that you show up late and demand food like this. I felt the need to say that,” She finished her verbal attack by throwing paper plates our way.

I was stunned, and tears brimmed. This is something I detest about myself. When I’m hurt, or yelled at, I cannot help but cry. Especially when I know it’s unjust. I can’t breathe and it’s terribly embarrassing. It makes me feel weak. People often say it invalidates any argument I present. Somehow, being emotional detracts from the validity of what I say.

“I feel the need to leave then,” I collected my sweater and made quick work of making my way to the door.

“Of course, you do,” she retorted.

I wish she had just let me leave. I wish she had simply started talking after I excused myself and realized her mistake. Instead, she trailed behind me. She demanded I stop. I told her adults make decisions for themselves, and I was making the decision to leave. My dad followed too, and both overcame me just outside the front door. She demanded I act like an adult and needed to calm down. My dad was kinder and instructed me to breathe. Like I said, I often forget when I’m upset.

The conversation continued. Or rather, her demands continued. She demanded I not swear. She demanded I stay. She demanded I become calm. All the while, she refused to let go of me. I protested this several times, and she refused to oblige. It did become clear to her that it wasn’t me who had asked. It didn’t matter. I was set on leaving, and I think she knew I’d never return. Her mistake had cost her a lot.

When hurt, people do funny things. She was probably hurt I was late. She was probably hurt that she didn’t get much help, and never does. She probably hurts often, and a lot. I recognize this and would be her most likely champion in this fight. Her beliefs and rigid traditions would never allow her to recognize this. Instead, she took her frustrations out on the easiest target.

To regain control, she finally exclaimed: “Get off my property!”

I obliged. It was, after all, what I’d been trying to do all the while. My dad called me, and I refused to slow down or look about. I was locked out of our car until Seth came with the keys. My dad approached me, and Seth was there moments after. Seth clasped my hand and my dad surprised me.

“She was wrong,” he said so matter-of-factly.

I informed him of my feelings. I intended to cut ties. I intended to omit my presence from future family gatherings. I’d be made to feel unwelcome for too long, and this was too much to forgive. They’d be excluded from my wedding, and wouldn’t be involved with any potential children. They refused to acknowledge how lonely they made me feel constantly, and while they decided things like my graduation weren’t important enough to attend, they were now investing in me to be the first to wed and provide them with the things they were so looking forward to.

He remained calm. He validated my feelings of exclusion. He was surprisingly helpful. He let me talk, and did what he could to offer advice. The things he suggested weren’t worthless, but they weren’t relevant. While “don’t make definite decisions while upset” is a solid tidbit, deciding to cut ties wasn’t a split-decision. I’ve been mulling this over since I was young. I’ve been sitting in the boiling water for too long. If I don’t leap now, I’ll die. There isn’t anything to further deliberate.

Perhaps to some, a yelling match between niece and aunt about leftovers seems silly. It would be a strange thing to emancipate one’s family over. It’s just another temperature shift in an otherwise inhospitable environment. It was no worse than any of the other things that transpired. It just happened to be the last thing.

I wonder if I’m being overdramatic. I do not understand why I’m expected to tolerate such great abuse, only to be called too emotional when I react. I think given the circumstances, I’m acting very appropriately. Yet, my mother teased me for it. She’s mocked me since and tried to invalidate what I was feeling.

“It’s always something with you,” she flippantly remarked.

My aunt’s reaction was the same.

She said to both me and Seth several times during the exchange “Everybody has their problems.”

She appears to be under the impression that I believe my burdens outweigh all others. Often, my mother has the same perception of me. Managing my illnesses involves a high level of self-care, and unapologetically doing what I need to feel my best. I think their generation misconstrues that as being selfish and narcissistic.

I think what’s truly narcissistic is displacing your own failings and expectations onto another person, and becoming frustrated when they don’t do what you expect.

As it stands, I keep feeling the need to reach out to her. I suppose I’m hoping for a reconciliation and fairy-tale ending. I understand that won’t happen. I’m still uncertain about to what extent I’ll interact with the family. The idea of never seeing my grandparents again is too much. I do understand seeing them will require meetings outside of the holidays they usually visit for. I also know it’ll require discussing what happened, and rebuffing them imploring me to reconsider.

Perhaps I’ve just leaped from one pot to another. Perhaps I’ll never be free.

[hedgewitchbri]

There is something personal I want to share that I really hope I don’t get attacked/criticized for…

I ignore issues of social injustice and the deameaning and degrading way humanity treats one another on a daily basis. I keep my opinions to myself now, and I do not dare discuss politics openly.

I know they are there, I know there are major problems in the world, and it enrages me. My loved ones do not know how to react or handle the situation when I break down into tears as I watch the Native Americans, the FIRST people to love this land, being hosed down with water in below freezing temperatures, or people being attacked with tear gas. My heart aches and my blood boils with every mention of women undergoing what #notallmen BUT ENOUGH MEN put them through: harassing, degrading, disrespecting, objectifying and sexualizing them and not acknowledging that their individual behavior IS the problem. I feel my fists clench and my teeth grit in fury when women PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY AND MENTALLY abuse the fuck out of men IN PUBLIC and noone bats an eye, or when women deliberately stop taking their birth control pills to trap men with pregnancy, thise who decry false accusations of rape as means of revenge, or those who deprive truly responsible and devoted fathers of ever seeing the child for the sake of earning more money from him while literally giving NO shits about the child.

The inhumane ways that people treat one another disgusts me, it makes me angry, and it triggers my Depression, as it has done tonight and so many nights before it.

So why do I stay silent? Why do I look away?

Because I hate this injustice. It HURTS ME to think about it and feel these emotions. How am I supposed to deal with this?! I’m a bi-curious white female who has not had much more than emotionally and mentally abusive relationships happen to me. I am not a person of color, I have not endured the hardships that many people in the world face BUT IT STILL PAINS ME TO KNOW IT’S THERE, TO SEE IT ON A DAILY BASIS GOING ON IN THE WORLD.

I do not know how to cope with these emotions. I do not know what to do to stop it. I could (and would) stop a confrontation were it to happen right in front of me and I give as much support and encouragement to my fellow human beings (even complete strangers) as I can…

But I can’t do anything more. I’m not rich, I’m in a small town, and my Charisma is only a +2 with a good roll of the dice… I cannot charm a man into stopping his misogynist ways or convince him he is the problem. I wouldn’t know where to begin to start a Revolution. I have no money or political background to become a politician and begin to change these things by law.

The only thing I can do is cry and be angry and brood in my Deoression for a few days over how much shit is going on and how powerless I am…

So I want to say that I’m sorry for not acknowledging it, for not looking at the problems because it hurts me to the very CORE. I’m sorry that I would rather shut off the television and ignore the debates and protests because I don’t want to feel this pain anymore… I’m more sorry to everyone that suffers from these problems, that I can do nothing more than offer you encouragement when you need it most and tell you, forever, how beautiful you are no matter what you look like or how horrible people treat you…

I am sorry. I just don’t want to feel these emotions anymore. It hurts. I just want the pain to stop almost as much as I want the world to stop treating one another this way and feel love for another, no matter their gender, background, creed, religion, color, or political views…