#tw: loss of family member

[pixelpoff]

PLEASE pray for our church family, and the immediate family of baby boy Bryson. He very unexpectedly passed away this evening. He was 3. We are all shattered.

[reflectionsofgalaxies]

this is my little girl 💖

she’s running low on time with us, and my dad has been saying things along the lines of ‘this is why I don’t like pets’, because he finds the grieving process so hard.

I don’t fault him for that, he just feels loss deeply and deals with it differently.

sometimes I even find myself falling briefly into the same thinking. ‘what if making a different choice all those years ago saved me and my family from this grief and this pain?’

but I also know there’s no way I would make a different decision. no amount of grief could outweigh the joy she’s brought us over these last fifteen years. the laughter, the comfort, the connection.

I think about hikes with my dad when she was tiny and able bodied and would race up ahead of us on the trails and then race back to check on us. I think about the first time she saw snow and she instantly turned into a tiny fluffy bunny rabbit, hopping through drifts that were ankle deep for us but nearly buried her, and the matted snowballs she came away with, looking like a tiny curly haired yeti.

I think of her interrupting GrammE and John’s wedding along with Sagie, confusion turning into laughter as they sped after each other across the backyard ceremony. I think of my mom, lonely on the island and isolated during covid, telling me that Ginger was her saving grace.

and these don’t even scratch the surface. fifteen years of love she’s given us.

so yeah. losing her is going to damn near break me and I know that. but I wouldn’t change it for the world.

[neds-nickerson]

ppl sometimes claim that its unrealistic for nancy to be kind/mature/independent after losing her mother...... like. do i need to go off on how grief affects everyone differently + the fact that most canon has nancy have lost her mom 10-15 years before the story begins. that she and her dad mourned together and coped with the loss together, and i’m willing to bet that a more modern nancy who lost her mom would have gone to therapy both with and without her dad to help cope with the grief.

losing her mom is definitely a traumatic experience but its not weird for nancy to have matured as a result of being able to grieve safely with others around to support her. what the fuck kind of argument was that.

[missazura]

trying to write a short little self reassuring comic in my head with death the wolf bc of my struggle with suicidal thoughts- I truly believe that he would want me to live longer. he wasn't even evil in the movie he was just an antagonist, death surrounds my life so often he's probably like an old friend to me at this point

[miss-saytr]

“He wasn’t supposed to go… and it happened when I was in school… I didn’t even get to say goodbye.”

He does this thing after he said that where he’s holding his head with both his hands. Not even crying. Not even a clear expression on his face. It’s more painful. And she looks deep into his eyes. It’s a dry moment where he doesn’t cry, because he’s cried it all out before, but by dry that means barely a reaction, but his head is just full of thoughts.

And when she says, “What are you thinking about?” Despite a sweet tone, he isn’t sure what to say, because there’s so much clutter that he can’t give an answer that feels truthful. Life? Death? Afterlife? Why it happened? If it happened to him? What his mom felt? How his brother feels? Experiences he won’t get? Things he sees on TV? Seeing his friends with their dads?

And these thoughts are like horses in his mind, some catching up to another, some preceding others, some coming back again in the race, the race of thoughts, racing thoughts. And she isn’t sure what to say. It’s like a storm, a tornado even. But in that storm, he feels a hand reach out to touch him on the shoulder.

“It’s ok to not understand, you don’t have to right now.”

His father died of something vaguely mentioned. She can’t remember if it was a condition or a disease or something else. Her father knew his dad, so she asks him later that night. Since he went to same hospital that was treating her friend’s father, she gets more of a medical picture instead of a picture painted with sadness and loss and tears in the eyes of the person telling the story. And it’s so strange, how one person can talk about someone so differently. Someone she never met. So her dad explains it with simple science and her questions on vague hints have been answered.

This empathy wraps her around at bedtime like a big weighted blanket four times her size. And most of it is just sinking it all in, some of it is sadness, some of it is putting herself in his shoes. Breathing so slowly she makes herself sleepy with it. But it doesn’t stop her from checking in on him. Maybe once or twice wouldn’t hurt.

And he’s asleep. Moving in his sleep, a pillow in his arms. And he’s holding it like he hugged her.

[superbattrash]

She’s gone 💔

Everything feels awful even though I know it was her time. My baby brother got to see her before she went and a small part of me thinks she was waiting for him to say goodbye too.

She was my last grandparent and the one I’ve been closest to my entire life. She was never a fan of how I dyed my hair and she didn’t understand why I kept getting more tattoos but she always ALWAYS loved me and made me feel welcome and safe. I wish I could’ve told her who I really am but I know she loved me for me and never for whatever I was supposed to be

She had such a rough life growing up and when she met grandpa, everything clicked. I really hope they get to be together from now on, because that’s all she’s wanted since he passed away. For twenty years all she’s wanted was to see her true love again and I choose to believe she gets to do that today. She’s at peace, she’s not in pain anymore and even though I’m devastated, I know it’s her time 💔

My dad called and told me. I couldn’t cry or show my own grief because this man just lost his mother. The strongest woman either of us has ever known. So for now, while I’m alone and have the space for it, I’ll cry and not be okay

Thank you for always taking care of me, grandma. I love you so much. Say hello to grandpa for me ❤️

[anangelcalledinquisitor]

Thank you everyone for being so awesome to me and each other! Holding the World update under the cut.

Until then! Please listen to the most absurd song in my library, to celebrate my mom and a life well-lived!

So, as some of you know, I've had a very wild year since starting writing Holding the World. Ups. Downs. Losses. Gains. I've made so many friends, it's almost unreal! Seriously, I can't thank you all enough. Between the abscess recurring, COVID, my wife getting to visit in March, surgery, you all have been very gracious as updates have slowed to a crawl. I have managed to write some? but not much lately.

As some of you know, my mom lost her sudden fight with a cancer that no one saw coming. Blood work was fine in January. Beginning of May, she wasn't feeling well. I took her to the hospital the day before Mother's Day. I lost my mom this last Tuesday.

It's still so unreal.

Since joining this fandom, I have found myself a little bit of a family and I can't thank you guys enough for being so understanding. I want to thank everyone who has said such wonderful things and helped me in this most difficult time. I hope to get a chapter done here by the end of next week, but no guarantees--I'm... I'm still trying to get myself into a groove, ya know?

For the last year or so, I've spent so much time with her when she was living next door to me (it's a duplex). Not every day, but many days, and for a long time. A couple of years before that, she and I were cohabitating (she got out of a bad situation, I found it cheaper to rent with someone, I could bake, she could cook, and we managed to keep each other alive to the best of our abilities) for a couple of years, so we saw each other every day. My mom heard the bad D&D jokes, she made me and my wife laugh so hard we cried. She was with me when I wanted to cut off all my hair because of the cruel and thoughtless comments of other people. She was with me when I was getting on the plane to go see my wife to propose (technically my wife is my fiance). She picked me up when I got back in the middle of the night. She comforted me when my dog had to be put down. She comforted me through moves and school changes, the loss of pets, my accidents, my graduation, my first job, celebrating twelve years at my current one, through flat tires and dead transmissions, through ambulance rides, through first loves and heartbreak, through miscommunications and laughter and tears and a hundred million moments of my life where I just lived. She got me through my first drawings, my first stories, my first paintings, so many hobbies, so many firsts and lasts and made sure I was included in things. Yeah she irritated me from time to time, but whose parents don't from time to time?

Today, I made beef stew for the first time without her help. Today, I went to see a movie without her that she and I had made plans to see just back in April. Today, I resolutely forced my brother to take back the bag of clothing items he had left when he moved last year (a jacket, a blanket, and a few other miscellaneous things).

Today, I think my mom would've been proud of my progress.

I still wish she could be here with me. I still have so much I wanted to do with her first. Had I known this would've happened, I would have done so much more, so much differently. But that's the way it always is, isn't it? When it creeps up on you, when you don't know the end is going to be right there, you just tell yourself it'll be okay.

It will be okay.

Different... but okay.

Anyway, I wanted to just get that off my chest a bit. I didn't get to say anything at the memorial, just walked around and thanked people for coming and learned names, so it was nice to say a few things.

My favorite Lemony Snicket quotes:

"It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. We all know that our time in this world is limited, and that eventually all of us will end up underneath some sheet, never to wake up. And yet it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know. It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and readjust the way you thought of things."

I'm still at this stage. Still finding myself going up the stairs and miscounting the steps.

“I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every Tuesday. [...] I will love you until every fire is extinguished and rebuilt from the handsomest and most susceptible of woods. [...] I will love you as we find ourselves farther and farther from one another, where once we were so close... I will love you until your face is fogged by distant memory. I will love you no matter where you go and who you see, [...] That is how I will love you even as the world goes on its wicked way.”

I have been here for my whole life. I love my mom. She may not be here to love me in person, but I know she loved me for me. She wasn't perfect, but she was warm and loving and an excellent mom to me.

[monstersandmaw]

Thank you for continuing to write Ghosti, your work has been a major source of comfort in these really difficult times. My older brother had passed from covid just last year and it's been very hard, he loved fantasy stories and monster romance art and fics and your work reminds me of him. you might not understand how your simple little fics you do for fun can be so touching and mean so much to others 😭❤ thank you so much, hope you continue making more ❤❤❤

Thank you for taking the time to share this with me, Anon. There’s great comfort for me in the act of writing, and in losing myself in fantasy worlds, and knowing that others get something from what I create too is why I continue to share my efforts here.

I can’t imagine the kind of loss you are experiencing and what you still must be enduring, but my stories and characters will always be here if you need them.

[clever-and-unique-name]

There was a death in the family this morning and Abel was out all day speaking with our siblings and expecting a call from our mother. Apparently the call is most likely happening tomorrow instead, but my body is already exhausted from how Abel armors when she's here.

Sometimes I can pretend I'm "mostly recovered" from my PTSD because I can work through my most common triggers, but then something like this happens and I'm just like. Ah, having to deal with family. One of my biggest triggers, definitely still traumatized and disordered, huh.

[lllluka]

someone tell twt that sui jokes aren't and have never been funny

[londonspirit]

2022. 

Well, it has been a year indeed. 

Talk about rollercoaster. 

Looking back, two things immediately come to mind: the loss of my father, and OFMD. 

Yeah, I know, that’s some insane comparison. 

But once again, fandom helped me through real life horrors.

Losing dad was hard, but (yes, there’s a but) overall it was a relief. He’s been sick and weak for a while, and everyone who only remotely knew him, knew how terrible that was for him. He wasn’t able to do the things he wanted to do, couldn’t really do anything much at all towards the end. He was suffering a lot (as was my mom) so him finally finding peace was the best for him. I know it sounds harsh, but it’s what it was for us. 

The time after that was…weird. 

But we got through it, made sure mom was doing okay; and after the funeral life continued - as it tends to do. 

Everything was a tad dulled and tinged with grief but when I (finally) listened to Tumblr which kept raving about that ‘gay pirate show’, well things… changed.

I will forever be grateful for those i follow that they kept screaming about it otherwise i’d never checked it out. But I was fandomless, there wasn’t anything I was currently obsessing over, and I needed something to distract me from that massive loss. 

And by the Gods, that they did. That perfect little show, full of queer love and wonderful friendships, of beautiful sentiments and funny quips was JUST what I needed. It filled the empty space in my heart and helped me through the toughest times. 

I have lost count of how many times I’ve watched it by now (and will again once the UK will finally get it officially just to experience the SQUEE that will happen when it airs!). 

I love every damn thing about that show: its amazing creator, that insanely talented cast and the wonderful crew making sure every single one can shine and sparkle as they deserve!!! 

Nothing was ever the same after April 3rd, the day I left hanging with the most gruesome cliffhanger in a while and no renewal in sight!!! 

Once again I am soo soo glad for the friends that fall in love with the same things - but then again, this damn show is just soo fucking perfect and everyone else really need to get their shit together to even get close to the level of perfection that show has!!! 

The show and its cast has occupied my mind ever since (and will continue to do so once season 2 comes out so expect more screaming about it in next year’s review). 

But there have been more lovely and wonderful things - it’s almost as if this year wanted to make up for the pain. 

I’ve been to London again!! TWICE!! Six glorious days in the summer, and four in autumn. Summer was on my own, and boy did I enjoy that. Having time for myself, doing the things I wanted to do, being on my own with  my thoughts - there’s nothing better to recharge the batteries. 

But I wasn’t lonely: finally met some old friends again and got to spend some quality time with them; I saw one of my fav musician again, after almost a decade of not being able to do so. London in summer is gorgeous, London during Pride month is even better! I saw an amazing queer Shakespeare which I wished I could’ve seen twice; Come From Away will ALWAYS make my heart soar and I’ve spent hours in a beautifully immersive Van Gogh exhibition. 

When I came back, I even got to spent more amazing time with my dear C, went to see Queen - even though the one souvenir i didn’t ask for put me in quarantine for 10 days! (Still so thankful for 3 vaccinations and a very mild case!) 

There was a brief visit at B’s to see her boys and spent some time with her as well - it’s been too damn long since I’ve seen her (even though I LOVE her video chats when she can squeeze them in in between her kids!) 

Another London trip, seeing David Tennant (hating the play - a very first!), LOVING Letter Live at the RAH (beautiful beautiful place; def going to go back!); getting tipsy in the skies and walking all the steps!!! 

And just when I thought the year couldn’t get any better, there’s the chance to see the one and only Taika Waititi live and in colour! (Massive shoutout to the like minded and equally obsessed people that helped me secure a ticket for the show!) 

GAH!! That’s still a thing I never thought to happen! And yet it did. And once again, a new fandom always comes with the most lovely people - thank you, Twitter (even though you’re currently a terrible hell hole!) for connecting fandoms across borders!!! 

WHAT A NIGHT that was!!! Even though he was tiny and far away on that stage, that night will forever be seared into my memories! (hell, even just typing it out makes me grin like a loon!) 

There was one small hiccup as mom had to go to hospital for an astonishing four weeks, but she’s back home again and feeling more or less okay, so I’ll take that!!! (Plus, she’s gotten through her 1st Covid infection rather nicely, thanks to 4 vaccinations and despite everything else a rather healthy constitution it seems!)

And now it’s New Year’s Eve - another one for the books. 

Closing out 2022 on a more optimistic note though. 

Pandemic slowly but surely turning into an endemic which means less restrictions and more travel for me. Maybe even working without face masks in the spring. 

It’s getting there.  And I'm hopeful, and looking forward to all the things 2023 has to offer. 

For seeing old and new friends again. 

For seeing my beloved London again. 

For making plans and doing things and enjoying life to the fucking fullest because it is too damn short to not do all the things you want to do!!! 

BUT once again, I will not make too many plans, these days being spontaneous is the better way to do things without being too disappointed. 

So, for the new year: hug your loved ones; tell them you love them; look after them; make friends; let go of the things that are not good for you! 

ENJOY life as much as you can. Be it in big things or the small ones - as long as it brings you joy and makes you smile, it’s a GOOD thing!!! 

Here’s to a glorious 2023 - have the most wonderful year, my darlings!!!

[lowlevelweasel]

My older brother committed suicide yesterday, I don’t really share much about my private life on here but I miss him so much. My whole family is devastated. Growing up, he was always a good influence on me and always stood up for me, and I never would’ve thought this would happen. I will never know why he did it, he left behind 2 beautiful daughters.

I will do my best to move on, and I still have his music to listen to, though everytime I listen it brings me to tears. He was so talented. I never got to say goodbye or have thanksgiving with him one last time. Most importantly I hope he rests easy.

[bitetherabbit]

tw death/hospital stuff

he's gone. my grandfather died two days ago. he fell in the bathroom and we think it's because he couldn't get enough oxygen even though he was using the air machine and wearing the tube at the time. i just hope he wasn't scared or that he wasn't in pain.

my whole family was with him in the hospital when he passed so he wasn't alone. they revived him at least 3 times i think but every time you do that it can damage the brain because of lack of oxygen. his body would twitch in the hospital bed like his brain was sending signals but it wasn't working. it was so uncanny and scary, im trying not to remember it but it's so vivid in my brain.

im not ready for him to be gone im not ready im not ready im not!!!!!!

he was the good father in my life, he was my best friend. he taught me so much and made me laugh always and loved me and all my weirdness so much. he drove me home from school for years while my mom worked. he always went to my school events. he always knew somebody everywhere he went and would talk to anyone to bring a smile on their face. he'd pay for stranger's purchases and help out whoever. the amount of people commenting on my and my mother's fb posts about him is incredible. he touched so many lives with his kindness and selfless nature.

i can't stop crying. i don't think soulmates have to be romantic because i feel like i lost an entire part of me. my pépère!! whyyyy!!!!! why did he have to get sick! he didn't deserve that at all. why is he gone?!!!! you know it's going to happen one day, but it's real now and i wasn't prepared for it even though i've been telling myself for a long time that i won't have him forever. he was 84, that's a long time. i am so lucky I had him for 28 years. not everyone gets to say they had their grandparents for so long.

im really stepping up to help my family this week with all the funeral preparations and everything, but im scared for after, i can't just fall back into my stupid depression self hating bullshit i just can't he wouldn't want that and now my grandmother's alone too, i need to be there for her.

ive been messaging his fb messenger, that's how we used to text. im pretending he's sitting with me. he's still here, just in my mind and heart. but it's not the same.

why do we live just to fall in love and lose them and die?????????? it hurts so so much.

i still need to write him a letter, i want to put it in the casket at the funeral saturday. my whole childhood he saved dimes for me to help pay for college. he literally wouldn't use them to pay for stuff. I want to put some dimes with the letter, and something else too but i haven't decided yet.

fuck this.

[crumpled-leaves]

My emotions are at 20% saturation today. I feel like I'm floating and simply not existing. I have work to do, I have tests coming up, and I've been having flashbacks every few hours. I feel like I can't work because if I try then I won't get as much as I want done. I still feel like my father's standing over my shoulder watching me whenever I try to work telling me I can do better. I feel him there whenever I try to relax, telling me to work, telling me I'm not allowed to do anything fun until I'm done with everything. I feel like I should be able to cry but I haven't been able to in months. I've been happy lately, doing well, enjoying life, and thinking I was better. Now I'm back in my old ways, ignoring my problems under the guise of resting so I can tackle them. I've been desperate for help but I can't reach out for it. I feel like I'm going to relapse but I can't let that happen. I can't hurt myself again.

[steadypet101]

CW/TW: Loss of family member mention, c**cer mention, de*th mentioned, self doubt, and long post

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"The Drake's Mother's Day memorial"

The family of three take a time of remembering of their wife and mother, Nancy Drake. Before her death, she was a fun-loving, free-spirited, and kind person who wanted to change the world with kindness. It has been three years since she died from cancer. But her family can't let her legacy and spirit die, for they know that she is always with them no matter what.

History:

Nancy Williams was born in New York City. She first met her husband Ned when they were in college. Soon, they got married and had two daughters together. She was once a most promising employee at the TCRI and a loyal partner to Cynthia Utrom. They work together and they work on science together. While Nancy wanted to work with science for good, she had no idea that her boss wanted to work on science to create mutant armies and for evil.

One day, Utrom overheard Nancy that she was planning to have another baby. A second sibling for her first child, Susie, to bond with. Utrom, who has a top secret experimental fertilized egg she has been working on and wanted to test on it on a human being, reaches out to her trusted employee and informs her that she is willing to help her to go out with another healthy pregnancy by being part of the IVF program. She lied to Nancy by saying that many women came up to her and asked for her help when they couldn't conceive babies of their own. Nancy believes her, and she and her husband have agreed to let Utrom do her work. The process was a success. Nine months later, they have a second daughter, Tiffy. No one in the family knew she had telekinetic and mental abilities until she was at least 6 years old. It was from that moment on that they believed that she was blessed with a gift, not knowing she was a weapon for Utrom and a pawn for her own army.

11 years later, after the death of former employer Baxter Stockman, Nancy overlooked and overheard what Utrom's plans about mutating animals and re-engineering their genetics to create an army of mutants and Tiffy was her main goal to create mutant children as weaponry. Nancy confronts her boss about this, telling her that this was not their work. Utrom then threatened her not to speak any of this to anyone, not even her detective husband. Angry, Nancy wants no part to any of this and out of the work. Before she left the building, she took all the file evidence and took lots of photos to show proof to the news media and to the police of what Utrom was doing. Utrom, who already saw Nancy from the surveillance cameras, did the most despicable thing; she shot her now, formerly trusted employer with a small dart on the back of her head with a chemical that has enough radiation to give her a brain tumor. Feeling dizzy, Nancy passes out and collapses, and Utrom calls the ambulance to rush her to the hospital, claiming that she had passed out for no reason while destroying all evidence that traces back to her. Waking up from the hospital, Nancy had no memory of what she saw and heard from her former boss and what she was planning to do with the mutant army, but all she knew was that she needed to protect her family from her. She has not returned back to her old job since and wanted to become a stay-at-home mom.

A couple of months later, after Tiffy's 12th birthday, Nancy suddenly got sick and became ill, and the family was all worried about her. They went to the hospital to figure out what's going on, and the doctors confirmed that Nancy had an unidentified brain tumor inside of the back of her brain. She has gone through chemo therapies, but she's not showing any signs of getting better, and it concerns her, the rest of her family, and hospital staff. They were all saddened when they were told by the staff that Nancy had a few months to live. The Drake family spend their final moments with her before she stays at the hospital due to her brain tumor quickly spreading and feeling more weak and sick. Before she passes away, she told her husband, two daughters, and the rest of their family members that she loves them all very much and everything will be okay as they knew when she passes on, she's no longer suffering and will be with God as they're a Christian family. She died in her deathbed a few days later. The funeral was made for her a week later, and the Drake family became even closer than ever. Even though they have no idea what kind of brain tumor that killed Nancy, all they know is that she's at peace.

Tiffy has more guilt than anyone could have known. She believes that it was all her fault that her mother had cancer and died. She knew she was special, but she thought that was the reason her mother was gone. She blamed herself for being born for three years, and her family helped and reminded her that it wasn't her fault. But later, she realized that none of this was her fault for she would soon discover that she was born her extraordinary powers for a reason. She will help with the Ninja Turtles, April, her sister, and her two friends to stop Utrom from her evil plans and to make sure no animal or humans will be weaponized. She will avenged her beloved mother.

To celebrate Mother's Day without Nancy, Ned has a Virgil and prayers for his late wife with his two daughters by his side. They would make Mother's Day poems and letter for her and remind her how much she means the world to them. The three have missed her dearly every day. Ned would cook himself and the girls a special family dinner to celebrate her life and for Mother's Day, knowing that Nancy will always be there with them.

Sorry if none of this story makes any sense. I hope y'all like this.

[superbattrash]

Have some bunnies friend!

Hope you're well! :)

JENJ, MY BELOVED 🥺 thank you for the bunnies. They’re adorable. It looks like they’re snuggling 😭❤️

I’m doing ok. Losing a family member is always tough but especially when it’s someone you really admire and love 💔 But I’m hanging in there.

I hope you’re doing okay! That school and work is… well, it’s always going to be school and work, I suppose, but that you’re having fun at least 💕