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bakugoushotwife · 11 months

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kinktober day twenty-eight: uniform kink

>>> all the hating bitches to the back i literally do not want to hear it!!! ttyl xoxo this is for more of my depraved self-ship needs

>>> starring: satoru gojo x curvy!f!reader >>> cw: established relationship, clothed sex, reader and gojo have three kids, breeding/pregnancy kink, uniform kink obviously i swear they tie in bear w me, spankings, doggy >>> wc: 3.6k >>> event masterlist:

it started out innocently enough. well, that’s a lie. it was not innocent, ever—though it wasn’t weird!! you guys are the same age, married for years–with children! it’s only weird when there’s massive age gaps, right? either way, he feels a daunting sense of guilt mixed with devious amounts of excitement shiver down his spine as you step around the corner.

the two of you have been pilfering through boxes all day, trying to clear out the bonus room now that the girls were old enough to have their own rooms. they were visiting uncle megumi while their parents rearranged the house to surprise them, but it seems you’ve gotten a little side-tracked walking down memory lane. the first box was full of pictures from school, some of your earliest moments with satoru memorialized forever in the stills. it does make you a little emotional to think about how far the two of you have come, the years spent together and the things accomplished side by side. these pictures tell your story; the first few days of school where you and satoru—then spitefully called gojo-kun—stood at opposite ends of the frame to be as separated as possible. satoru gives ieiri bunny ears and you’re hugging suguru’s arm–but the two of you are looking at each other. it’s clear to you now that you were trying to make each other jealous, but at the time you would have sworn to the heavens above that you couldn’t stand the man.

now satoru always had a soft spot for you, torturing you was all just fun and games to him—until you started dating a guy from the kyoto school. this, of course, was memorialized in pictures too. there teenage you stood, all dressed up for winter formal, grinning ear to ear as you pose for the camera shoko was operating. you can remember this like it was yesterday, standing in your dorm after exchanging your uniform skirt for an icy blue cocktail dress—you were more nervous for a certain someone to see you than you were to meet up with your date. you knew what you were doing when you picked the dress out, and its effect was clearly captured with satoru’s bulging eyes, red face, and gaping mouth in the background. you pass that one to your husband after taking a few good chuckles at it, remembering shoko turning around her little canon camera to show you the picture and how good you felt after seeing gojo-kun’s reaction.

he waves the picture in his hands, whistling in the same way he did as soon as that camera fell to shoko’s side. he looks at the picture with fondness, remembering it as the moment he decided to get serious about you. the warmth in his cheeks and jealousy squeezing his heart as your date came to pick you up had him reeling to come up with a way to stop you from going.

“he gonna make you go halfsies on dinner?” he calls after you, and embarrassment stung your cheeks. your date, just as petrified of gojo as he should be, shakes his head no.

“n–no, we’re going on full stomachs.” he replies, clutching a pathetic bouquet in his hands. gojo laughs. that bouquet was three dollars maximum, and you were a $30 arrangement at the least. and too cheap to take you on a real date? he shouldn’t be surprised, but he can’t help but press on at the horror on your face and the desperation in his gut.

“ah, daddy didn’t give you any money? i’ll pay you enough to get yourself a real nice dinner if you leave the lady with me.” he sings, holding out a few yen notes for him. you’re mortified, sure this was another one of his stunts to embarrass you— but your date was easily bought.

“but–”

“b-but–” gojo rolled his eyes in annoyance, slapping the money in his hand. “i recommend the sushi place on the corner.” he turns, beaming at you, slipping his arm through yours when the kyoto boy drops— without skipping a beat. “c’mon. i believe there’s a dance tonight?” he pulls his sunglasses down his nose a little bit to let you see the mischief and excitement swirling in his eyes.

you bite the inside of your cheek. you want to punch him in the arm–so you do–and then you nod. it sure took him long enough. “you better make this worth it, gojo-kun.”

he grins. “call me satoru and i’ll make it all worth it, pretty lady.” his voice is a low rumble in his chest instead of his usual light tone. it makes your heart skip a beat and that warmth burn on your cheeks again.

you never call him gojo-kun again. the rest is history–a viewable version with the many grainy phone selfies of dates and onslaught of school photographs and even an old camcorder with some footage of you practicing your technique on him made it to this spare room. you’re amazed at how nostalgic it all feels, pulling out a picture of you and satoru on graduation day. he’s smiling and pressing a kiss to your cheek—making the switch to a blindfold instead of his circular specs. his hair stands due to the fabric, but you liked the new look; especially when he pulled the blindfold up to wink at you and let you see his sunshine. he’s slumped over you, arms wrapped around your chest. you’re grinning, leaning back against him with your hands tucked into his hold on you. it’s a sweet picture—but you’re focused on the next few. you’re in the same position, but he sneaks his hand to the dip of your waist, then your hip, finally ending with a picture of you blushing from the invisible hand grabbing a handful of your ass. you pass those to satoru too, watching his expression as he flips through them, admiring the youth on your faces.

“god you made that uniform so sexy.” he snorts, eyes dancing over the way the black fabric clung to you. at the time, he wondered if you’d ordered it that tight just to taunt him, but now he knew there was no amount of clothes that could’ve hidden that bangin’ bod. he shakes his head as he remembers just how horny he had been–not that much has changed even after three kids and over fifteen years together. “had so many fantasies of you in that thing.”

you arch a brow, “really now?” you ask, clearly intrigued. you had seen the familiar bundle of fabric folded at the bottom of the box. “what kind of fantasies?” you purr, making the hairs on the back of neck stand up, the effects you had fifteen years ago just as efficacious now.

how honest could he even be with that answer? yes, back then—even as your equal, he envisioned punishing you as your sensei in that little skirt—oh the ways he would have defiled you in yaga’s classroom if you had let him. he’d wondered if you would lean into the slutty schoolgirl act, if you would call him sensei instead of daddy. or would you think that was too much given his current occupation. not like it was the uniform that he liked, just the way you looked in it—and the way it felt to be young and obsessed with you. his obsession has never wavered, its just had to become more subdued as you raise your children —wanting to be a good example and all, he’s nothing but a loving and proper man in front of them. buuuuut. they were with megumi for a few more hours. “what other kinda fantasies about schoolgirls are there, gorgeous?”

“you perv! gives gojo-sensei a whole new meaning.” you tease him, watching in sheer enjoyment as his cheeks darken a few shades and he crinkles his nose at you in embarrassment.

“only if you say it like that.” he mumbles in his defense. great, now you think he’s a sicko. he turns back to his box of collectibles, pilfering through what he actually cared to keep now—even though he hasn’t seen any of it since your oldest was born. it’s mostly to hide his shame as he continues to think about you in that little getup with that matured body of yours. he wonders if the material would stretch to accommodate your wider hips and fatter ass. he wonders if the stretchmarks you’ve developed from carrying his children would peek over the waistband of the skirt that’s sure to ride up a little due to your widened thighs. he’s so immersed in the thought of you that he doesn’t hear you slip around the corner to tug on the old outfit.

it certainly doesn’t fit the same, but it fits. there’s not a shred of modesty to be found– the once form fitting turtleneck top now a cropped version due to the strain from your chest. you hadn’t realized just how much your body had changed beside the obvious pounds on the scale and the marks on your skin—but your mid-thigh length skirt was now a navy mini, showing the dimples of your thighs and the bottom of your ass cheeks. you were no longer the girl from those pictures, but instead a woman who bears the beautiful changes of giving three gorgeous gojo’s life. your husband has always been a massive fan of what he calls “enhancements” to his favorite areas—loving the fluffy stomach for him to rub and the hips that fill his hands. he traces your stretch marks to soothe his racing mind at night, snuggling into your heavy chest for warmth and ultimate comfort in his free time. you know he’s only fallen deeper in love with you and it makes your heart warm with appreciation now that the differences between the young you and the current have been made so clear. you almost give up on the idea altogether, but your husband’s voice calls out for you, so you step around the corner before you can doubt yourself any more.

he was giving you the sweetest little face—holding up your youngest’s hospital baby blanket with only fondness in his eyes. that is until it registers, as his eyes follow your bulging chest struggling against the fabric, the sides of your hips spilling over the top of the skirt—barely covering anything at all. his face turns red and the blanket falls from his hands, back into the box from whence it came. oh the shame he feels as his cock processes this shock too—making him hiss at the sudden tightness in his pants, biting his lip as he looks at you. it worked on you then and you make it your bitch now, absolutely stunning him beyond words. and he’s never short on things to say. you look even better than anything his imagination drummed up for him. fuck, you are so sexy—you only get better with age.

the way he looks at you makes you feel like he’s falling in love all over again—eyes bouncing around your frame like he can’t make up his mind to settle on one area. your face burns under his amorous stare, but you fold your hands behind your back and sway to let him admire you. it makes your whole body warm and your cunt clench around nothing the longer he sits and stares–biting his lip, clearly in no hurry to end this moment. as beautiful as he makes you feel, you just can’t help but tease him slightly. you know he’ll pay it back in kind. “do you like it, gojo-sensei?”

“oh aijichan, can’t you tell?” he hums, eyes falling to his clear erection before they flicker back to you—overcast and darker than usual. he usually playfully calls you his lover, but the addition of the suffix lets you know how thoroughly he’s enjoying your little act. he pats his thigh, spreading his legs even wider across the luxurious office chair. you giggle a little bit, excitement flooding your veins as you walk over to meet him. how you swing your hips and flutter your lashes is not lost on him, in fact he feels the painful buildup pressing against your thigh as you sit sideways on his, looping an arm across his shoulders. “you were such a good little girl in school. i always wondered what it would be like to treat you like a bad one.” he offers, his voice a permanent purr when it comes to the naughty things he presses to your ear.

it sends a shudder down your spine, and you can’t help but press your chest closer to him in an automatic response. he hooks his hand around your waist, feeling the dip of your waist. he doesn’t miss the reaction—and he loves that you like it. his hand squeezes the fat on your hips, helping you off his lap before standing to full height to tower above you.

“then bend it over, little lady.” he suggests with a wiggle of his brow, pushing the office chair closer to you with his signature smugness. his eyes sparkle with an erratic excitement, gripping the back of the chair with a tight hold—leaving his impressions in the fabric. you giggle and lean over the chair as instructed. a giddiness floods your veins while he walks circles around you, humming approvingly. “i think ten should teach you your lesson, hm?”

you wiggle your ass preemptively and nod just to be safe. “yes sir, i think that’ll fix everything.” you purr, feeling one harsh spank to your cheek. it sends a jolt of excitement pulsating to your core, and you know that the results will be evident once he moves your skirt. the arms of the chair dig into your stomach—but it just adds to the sensation as he layers a few intense slaps to your ass.

“well?” he talks over your loud squeals and happy giggles. “aren’t you going to say thank you?” he hums, shoving your skirt up to your waist to expose the growing redness and incriminating wetness all over your bottom half. he chuckles fondly—you surely do impress. he hits you once more.

“yes–mmf-” you moan out at the stinging sensation. it’s so much more pleasurable on your bare skin, you can’t help but arch back into him, giving him such a beautiful view of your glistening hole and handprint-branded ass. he slaps it again, enjoying the recoil. “thank you sensei, feels so good~”

he kneads the irritated flesh a little in between the spanks–he’s not heartless, after all. you’re his wife, no amount of roleplay could make him forget the love that swells in his heart for you; especially with that beautiful ass of yours. “that’s seven—can you take your last three, naughty little thing?”

“mhm, i can take it.” you assure him, finding it wholesome and sexy that he still checks on you even if the dirty talk never skips a beat. from the way you wiggle your bruising ass for him, he knows you’re loving this. he cups his hand under your pussy just to check even though your shiny thighs tell him all he needs to know. he’s delighted when your essence coats his hand anyway, giggling with schoolgirl excitement. hey, that’s your part—

“seems the punishment’s only making you badder.” he hums in approval, hurrying his last few spanks up in order to finally have you. he makes them count though, loud and stinging worse than a wasp—though you can’t recall the last time a bee sting made you feel that good. he can’t remember the last time you two had the house to yourselves, and he planned to put that all of that alone time to good use. you scream out and shudder at the delicious agony, tossing a look over your shoulder to see the sheer pleasure on his face–tufts of hair hanging over his vivid eyes. “seems we’ll just have to move onto something that suits you, aijichan.”

you clamp down reflexively at his statement, nodding to your undetermined punishment, if such a thing existed under your husband’s treatment. he frees his erection with a little grunt of relief, sliding it through your sloppy lips instantly. he sighs at the feeling—but you whine at the lack of relief. the fire in your gut was burning so hot—you couldn’t take any more of the waiting.

“aw, what is it, little girl?” he mockingly pouts with you. “so needy for your sensei you could cry?” he arches a brow–sheathing his impressive length into the hilt without any more wasted time. he closes his eyes at the feeling of you, just as tight and warm as the first time he had you. it’s wild to him how three kids haven't changed how amazing it is to have you wrapped around him.

you do cry out at how perfect he fits inside—curving into every gummy spot that needs him with hardly any effort. the sound you make is like music to his ears. you haven’t been able to be this loud since ieiri took the kids to the beach for a weekend four and a half years ago—and that’s how your youngest happened. not to say you haven’t been intimate since, just more…cautious and certainly more quiet. but that does give him an idea.

he starts to move, grabbing a decent handful of your hair to make a handle out of, pulling you up into a pretty arch. “got one more in you, princess?” he coos, leaning over your body to give you short but powerful thrusts. you can tell from his tone and your regular nickname that playtime was over—he was too consumed by the feeling of you coupled with the undying love you bring out of him to keep up the pet names, but he could succumb to the flash of memories flooding his brain. falling in love with you, making you his for the first time which was also the day he decided he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you. he can see the day you played strip uno—which was something he made up just to be cheesy. he remembers your wedding day, you looked so beautiful and were already a few weeks pregnant with your first baby together–your son. god, the memories of you swollen and whiny—

“i—are you serious?” you giggle, a little out of breath from the rigorous way he rocks into you, keeping your asscheeks separated so he didn’t have any resistance. you knew what he was asking, and you know your heart flutters at the idea of having another one despite agreeing to stop after the ones you have. “i thought three was all you could handle?”

“i changed my mind. wanna see you big again. i miss it—’nd i can handle anything.” he says in between the sound of his balls hitting your ass. you can hear the pout in his voice, “you don’t want one?”

“didn’t say that.” you struggle to form responses, knuckles turning white as you grip the desk in front of you. “just wanted—to be sure—you’re sure!” you squeal with every bruising thwap to your cervix, eyes scrunched shut. you’re almost so gone you might just agree to anything, but the idea of one more pregnancy, one more addition to the family, one more round of being endlessly spoiled as you wait for another gorgeous baby to arrive—it doesn’t sound so bad. it sounds perfect actually, and his words only egg you on. you clench around him in spasms, nodding. “gimme–”

he chuckles wildly in pride. he would say he loves bully-fucking you into getting his way, but he heard you on the phone with your girlfriend the other day. you were missing that feeling of a new baby as much as he was—and he’s here to please. he moves your hips back to meet his, ass bouncing at the force. your squeals slip into screams and he’s fucking you as hard as he can in order to get more of it: of the sounds, the feeling of your womb keeping him from going any further, the way your pussy flutters around him to tell him you’re so close to cumming—everything was sending him reeling.

“cum for me first—then’ll give you everything you want, baby.” he encourages, giving you a cocky, “yeahhhh that’s my girl.” when he feels you coat around him—gasping out moans as your legs wiggle and jump. it’s not long after that that he’s gripping your hair even harder, balls drawing up close to him just to spurt his seed as deep as it will go—hoping that his sperm is still just as successful as it’s been known to be. he helps shove it deeper with a few more rolls of his hips, to which you shiver and whine due to oversensitivity.

he pats your ass affectionately, leaning over you again to kiss your cheek as you both sit in the moment and try to catch your breath. he lets your hair fall from his fingers and gently brushes it out of your face, grinning his usual giddy grin. “you’re even sexier now, you know? feel like it’s every day, but even teen satoru would—”

“allllllright thank you, honey, that’s sweet.” you chuckle, shaking your head as he pulls out. he scoops you over his shoulder and shakes his head.

“whaaaaat–you’re a fucking milf–” he slaps your ass playfully as he sashays toward your room with you. “that i still have–mmm forty-five more minutes give or take to knock up again.” he guesstimates, tossing you on the mattress and crawling over you—determined as ever.

#kylee's kinktober event #kinktober #kinktober 2023 #kyleewritesjjk #jjk x reader #jjk smut #gojo x reader #satoru gojo x reader #satoru gojo #gojo smut #gojou satoru x reader #gojo satoru #jjk gojo #jujutsu gojo #gojo saturo #saturo gojo

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redroomreflections · 4 months

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Not Easily Broken Chapter 6

Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader

Summary: Natasha and Reader go through a tragic divorce

Masterlist | General Masterlist

6/10

Note: Yes,i know the picture has a watermark. it's 2 am.

W/c: 4.2k (less painful to edit!)

Rating: M (Minors DNI; angst, fluff, smut, heartbreak, heart fix? the best ending for them coming soon)

You don’t know how long you’ve stared at the blank paper. Its thin blue lines taunted you. The questions on the tiny notebook assigned to you were intimidating. You’re sitting here, at the kitchen counter, nursing a mug of tea and looking down at the paper. This is the first part of the assignment. Once you’re going to fail. There are several steps Cheryl gave to get things going for both of you. Answer the questions. Find something both of you like to do. Discuss them together. That should be easy, right? Wrong. It’s been four days and counting and you have yet to write anything. Not that there’s nothing to write. No. You have a lot to say. It just can’t be on paper. Neither of you has been good at expressing your thoughts. You’re worse. You come from a family where conflict was solved with abandonment and passive aggressiveness. Two things you do quite well. This venture into vulnerability is foreign. You’re afraid of being the bad guy again. You don’t want to address the unknown. What if even after all of this you and Natasha don’t work out?

You’ve been doing a lot of self-reflecting the past week. There’s always something in the back of your mind that says you’re ruining her life again. You’re ruining your children’s lives. Everything you worked for you ruined. This time would be different. You’re coming into this with a clear head and a fresh perspective. You want your life back. You want your wife back. You want your family. It’s not like you cheated. You didn’t step out of your relationship. You sometimes wish it were so easy. Maybe then your actions can be excused. That’s not the correct way to say it. Cheating is never excusable. You guess it would have been another way to avoid accountability. You blame yourself every day for what happened. Even then guilt is not enough.

You sigh. Back to the questions. You hold the pencil in your hand—first question.

“You lead separate lives despite living in the same household.” You read aloud. Wow. Okay. That’s a tough one right off the bat. It’s relevant. It makes sense considering the context. You write yes. You move on to the second question. “You mostly speak about finances or household chores. Question three you have sex less than once weekly.” You stop your reading right there. You’re three for three. If this is how this is going you’re going to be in therapy for a while.

Were things really that bad? You wonder if Natasha is thinking the same things.

Across town, Natasha is indeed wondering the same things. She’s just finished up her run for the morning, having gotten the kids out of the door and off to school, and now she has the morning to herself. She’s sitting on the couch, her feet propped up on the coffee table, as the notebook rests in her lap. She pushes her glasses further up her nose.

“Sex less than once weekly?” She reads. ‘Sex never’. She writes. It’s true. Besides the phone sex last week she doesn’t remember the last time you two were so intimate. Well, she can. Emma’s fifth birthday party. She would hardly count that as something to brag about. While you’re skilled in the bedroom, she felt dirty afterward. She felt used in a way she wasn’t all that willing to share with you. Sex with you has always meant so much more to her. She hopes it’s the same for you. She doesn’t think about it for too long. She can’t dwell on the fact that her body aches for you. Natasha Romanoff knows her worth. She is aware she could go out and find anyone to fuck. She doesn’t have to go far truthfully. She doesn’t want that. It’s kind of pathetic and she would never admit it to anyone.

Natasha is about to answer another question for the checklist when the doorbell rings. She glances at it, hoping that whoever it is will go away when the ringing becomes more insistent. Natasha rolls her eyes, slamming the book down against the coffee table, to go and answer the door. She swings it open, ready to give whomever it is a piece of her mind when she stops. She crosses her arms and glowers at her visitor suspiciously.

“Romanoff,” Richard grins at her. “Don’t you look swell?” He admires her messy hair, tank top, and running shorts. He waves a file in his hand. “I have work.” He offers her one of the coffees in his and she takes it.

“I thought we were meeting at the tower,” Natasha drops her hands from the door. She walks away without offering him a second glance. He would follow. What she doesn’t see is him checking out her ass as he steps inside. He closes the door behind with and walks with her toward the living room.

“I thought this was much better,” Richard shrugs. “I was in the neighborhood.”

“I’m sure you were,” Natasha rolls her eyes. “Okay, give me a minute to change and I’ll be right back down. I have a couple of notes over there.” She waves her hand somewhere in the room. Though Richard is an asshole she knows he won’t do anything to put her in danger. She leaves him to his own devices to change out of her workout gear. Not that her new outfit would be much better.

Richard stands, walks over to the couch to sit, and places the file on the coffee table. He spots the notebook she’s been writing in. It’s safe to assume it’s the one she permitted him to read. It’s not.

“Healthy relationship checklist,” He reads to himself. “No sex?” He whistles. Wow. That’s disappointing.

“I’m going to have to ban you from my house soon,” Natasha calls down the stairs. He quickly places the notebook back where he found it. Natasha comes into the living room in a simple blue blouse and slacks. She glances at the notebook, noting that it’s moved a few inches, and tsking. “Richard, seriously, you’re my partner. One I didn’t want. At least have the decency of giving me privacy.”

“I’m sorry I was curious,” He raises his hands in surrender. “If it makes you feel any better I haven’t done it in a while either.”

“No, it doesn’t make me feel any better,” Natasha shakes her head. “And I don’t believe you. You’re looking at a sexual harassment complaint and a broken nose if we keep talking about this.”

“Fine,” He shakes his head. “I just think you deserve better.” At Natasha’s warning look he clamps his mouth shut. “I need a consult. Fury wants the entire team on this case but we need your expertise.”

“Why would you need my expertise?” Natasha sits across from him. She takes the file, flipping through the pages before she shakes her head. “What is this?”

“A recruitment center,” Richard describes. “Someone is recruiting young girls to be assassins. Training them to go out and do their bidding. We want to know the best way to, uh, get in there and get out.” He gestures.

Natasha frowns. They could have very well asked Melina Yelena or anyone but her. She’s not an expert on brainwashed children. She only knows so much. Even then she provides him with an answer.

“You’re going to need to get someone on the inside obviously,” She says. “Preferably someone young. Wanda Maximoff could pass. She gets in. Find out who knows what. You protect her with your life. Make sure she feels safe at all times. Know that if it’s as bad as this film reads some of them will die.”

“That’s dark,” Richard comments.

“Well, it’s not all sunshine and roses,” Natasha mumbles. She sets the file back down. “Is that all you needed from me?”

“Well, yeah,” Richard nods.

“Well, I’d like to be alone in my home now,” Natasha says none too politely. She passes him the large envelope. They both stand. She walks him to the door and to both their surprises you’re on the other side. You’re a bit off-put by Richard being there.

“I’m sorry,” You shake your head. “I stopped by to..” You trail off.

“Y/n, so good to see you,” Richard offers you a fake smile that you don’t return.

“He’s leaving,” Natasha makes a face at him. She wasn’t really in the mood for this nonexistent love triangle thing that goes on every time you’re all in the same space. Not that it matters to her. Richard would never be someone that is on her romantic radar. Not when she only has eyes for you.

“Right, leaving,” Richard nods. He’s about to make a joke when Natasha punches him before he can even open his mouth. He holds his sore arm, offering her an “ow!” Before he shakes his head. He walks down the stairs and to his car without another word.

Natasha’s gaze returns to you and the brown paper bag you have in your hands.

“Is that for me?” She asks and you nod silently. Seeing her with Richard does things to you. You follow her into the house where she closes and locks the door. She takes the bag from your hands to set it on the hallway table. You’re not sure who makes the first move but Natasha is in your arms, kissing you, feeling you, and walking backward toward the couch. Your hands are everywhere on her body. You feel the skin under her shirt, down her sides, and her hips, as you push her gently to lie down on the couch. Your kiss is hungry and rough and full of passion. She moans at the feel of your weight atop her. She kisses you back. When your hand slides up her shirt, pinching her nipple through the sports bra she’s wearing, she rips her lips from yours to moan. Her cries go straight to your core. You’re lying here between her legs, kissing her neck now, and holding her right where you want her. Natasha enjoys your touch. It excites her. It makes her feel wanted. She raises her hand to place it over yours.

“Y/n,” Natasha begs. She doesn’t know exactly what for. She imagines it would be so easy to allow you to take her right here. Right now. The kids aren’t home. There’s no one here to stop her. Even so, she can’t help the nagging feeling at the back of her mind. “Y/n.” The tone of her voice stops you in your tracks. You lift to look into her concerned eyes.

“What’s wrong?” You ask. You take in her kiss-swollen lips, her mussed hair, and her flushed skin. She looks so damn sexy.

“You did this last time,” Natasha points out. Her voice is small and barely there. You can tell she’s trying to keep the conflict at a minimum. You give her a confused look. What was she talking about? “It’s… it’s stupid.” She shakes her head. “I can't help but notice. Every time Richard comes around you feel the need to stake your claim in some way.”

“I don’t do that,” You scoff. She gestures to the spot on her neck that’s formed into a slight purple bruise. When did you do that? You deflate, sitting up, removing yourself from her embrace. You take deep breaths. Were you doing that to her?

“I didn’t want to bring it up to upset you,” Natasha instantly misses your touch. She fixes her shirt, adjusts her bra, and moves to sit closer to you. “I don’t want you to want me because someone else does.”

“Do you seriously think that?” You question. “Nat, baby,” You breathe. “I want you because I missed you. I want you because I find you attractive. I want you because you’re everything.” You take her hand in yours. “I don’t want you to think I’m doing it to show ownership over you. That’s not something I want.”

“I want to be yours,” Natasha confesses quietly. “Just not like that.”

“I understand,” You nod. Natasha kisses your pouting lips. You smile. The notebook on the coffee table catches your eye. “So you’ve been doing the assignment.”

“I have,” Natasha glances at the paper.

“It’s pretty eye-opening,” You say and she nods in agreement. “I didn’t think things were that bad for us. I mean, I know, we got a divorce. I just…it puts things into perspective.”

“It does,” Natasha runs a hand through her hair.

“I want this to work for us,” You admit. “I’m sorry. I am. I want us to work.”

“Me too,” Natasha kisses your lips again. “Did you bring your book? We could go over some of the questions now.”

“I did,” You say as you reach over her legs to the bags you brought. You pull out the book, cracking it open to the page you’ve written on, while Natasha opens hers. “So, I’ve realized a lot of these are things we’ve done at the beginning of our relationship. We seemed to enjoy each other then. Pre-kids I guess.”

“Hmm,” Natasha hums.

“Okay, this question,” You go to one you haven’t answered yet. “Please be truthful. Don’t hold back because you think it’s going to hurt my feelings.” Natasha nods. She could do that. “Do you feel comfortable being yourself around your partner?”

Natasha bites her lip. “I have always felt I could be myself with you. There were times I didn’t think I could. That maybe I needed to play a part to, um, make you happy.”

“I felt the same way,” You mumble. “Nat, I’m -”

“You’re sorry that’s understandable,” She shakes her head. “It’s something we have to work on. I love you for you. I’ve always loved you for you.”

“I’ve always been attracted to everything about you,” You begin. “I’ve always loved your personality. Your tenacity. Your humor. Your ability to be vulnerable.” Natasha blushes under your intense gaze. She takes her pen to write a few things before moving on to the next question.

“You rarely hug, hold hands, or touch each other in a non-sexual way,” She reads aloud. There’s a silence that neither of you breaks. “The butt rubs stopped.” She points out.

“What?” You look at her in surprise. “I guess they have. Was that the first indicator that something was wrong with you?”

“It was one,” Natasha shrugs. “I just thought you needed space and it’s not always a sexual thing but we stopped touching each other. It wasn’t only you. I stopped too.”

“Damn,” You curse under your breath. “We could try it now? I mean, one of our exercises was extended cuddling time. Now would be the perfect opportunity.” You offer and Natasha likes that idea. She takes both notebooks to sets them down on the table. You lie down first and she crawls on top of you. Her head rests on your chest, your arms wrap around her waist, and you simply hold each other. Your shared breathing and warmth lull you to a place of comfort. Natasha wriggles her butt, silently asking for your hands on her, and you oblige. You reach down, and your right hand travels over the slope of her soft, supple behind, before you rub. It’s tentative touches at first. Just a simple swipe of your hand before your rubs turn into kneading. You massage the covered flesh in your hands and Natasha hums.

“I missed this,” She mutters into your chest. She peeks her head up at you. Her eyes travel from your eyes to your lips. She follows through with whatever thought she’s having and she kisses you. Her kiss is gentle and reassuring. She lingers, her lips brushing against yours before she opens her eyes again. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” You kiss her again. “So much, Natasha.” She smiles widely. She can’t describe how happy she feels right now. She’s here with you, in your arms, and there’s no other place she’d rather be. Her happiness surges to something else entirely. Suddenly all she wants is you. She kisses you again, deeper, harder, this time it’s all teeth and tongue. She sucks her bottom lips into your mouth, eliciting a moan from deep inside you and your grip on her ass loosens.

“We shouldn’t,” She breathes between kisses.

“You’re right,” You nod in agreement. “Though she did say we could.”

“It’s not like we need permission,” Natasha smirks. “We’ve done this before.”

You shrug. She may be right.

“Which means I know how to get creative,” You flip the both of you over in one swift move. You adjust Natasha against the pillows, her hair fanning out under her, as you lie beside her legs. “Interesting choice of attire today.”

“It was either this or the workout gear,” She laughs.

“It’s okay, makes it more fun,” You take nimble fingers to the buttons of her blouse. Natasha watches as you unbutton to reveal her smooth skin. “Tell me to stop.” You say but she doesn’t say a word.

“What if I don’t want you to stop?” She challenges. You slide your fingers under her bra cap, feeling her nipple harden under your palm, and she shivers.

“I’ve always liked you,” You joke and she nips at your chin. “I love you.” You correct and she hums. Much better. You twist her nipple, bordering on harsh, and Natasha practically jumps out of her skin. God, she’s missed this. You lean your head down, pushing the cup to the side, to suck her rosy nipple into your mouth. You swirl your tongue, alternating between licking and sucking and Natasha drops her head against the pillows again. You make sloppy sucking noises, only proving to turn her on further, as she rests a hand over your head to keep you there. “I want to make you cum.” You release her nipple with a pop.

Natasha is a grown woman. She likes sex. She enjoys sex. She’s about to throw away all of her reservations and tell you to do whatever. You offer an alternative. You button her slacks, zipping them down far enough for your hands to reach inside and you slide in. Your fingers ghost over the lips of her panties, pushing to feel the wetness seeping through, and Natasha preens.

“Like this then?” You say and she nods. That makes it more fun. You rake your nails over Natasha's pussy, finding the small nub peeking through the fabric, and you pay the most attention to that. Natasha arches her back and forces you to press against her deeper. “You like that baby?” You ask. “Is this what you wanted?” You ask as you work your magic through the cotton of her panties. Natasha nods her head, mouth open, eyes closed in complete pleasure.

“Ngh,” She moans her words caught in her throat, as she rocks her hips into your fingers. It feels so damn good. This entire act may seem a bit immature but she doesn’t care. Your fingers are on her, practically inside of her, and even with the thin barrier of her underwear she feels everything. You are firm in your movements. You’re purposeful with every circling of your fingers. Your movements go from small tight circles to wide and rough as Natasha moans louder. “Yes,” She hisses between her teeth. “Yes.”She whines and you know she’s close.

“Chase it, baby,” You encourage. “You’re so pretty like this. At my mercy.” You continue. “The perfect doll. So open and wet for me.” You kiss her bare shoulder, her neck, her chest. Anywhere you can reach. It feels so dirty here. The smell of her sex reaching your nose. The sound of shuffling and moving against the cushions is the only thing heard in the entire house. You want to give Natasha this. You need to give it to her. “My pretty girl. I want to make you my pretty wife again.” You find yourself saying and it’s the right thing. Natasha stiffens, and her left hand comes to grip your right arm as her hips thrust against your fingers. Even through her panties, you can feel the sudden gush of wetness from her. Natasha whimpers pitifully as you talk her through it. “That’s it, baby. I know. Your pussy feels so good.” You whisper closer to her ear. When she finally comes down, Natasha falls limp against the cushions and you catch her. You remove your fingers from her pants, resting them by her side, as you watch the rise and fall of her chest. Natasha opens her eyes a moment later, a bit startled by the fact that you’re watching her, and she shakes her head. You kiss her swollen lips.

“You did so well for me,” You praise and delight in her skin turning into an even redder shade. “I liked seeing you cum.”

“Stop,” Natasha groans. You chuckle. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me for your orgasm,” You deny her. “I had fun doing it. I’d like to do it again soon. Maybe with that strap, you’ve been asking for.”

“I’d like that.” Natasha nods.

“This didn’t change things for you right?” You question and she tilts her head. “I mean to say that I meant what I said about making you my wife. It wasn’t just something I was saying to get you off.”

“It worked either way,” She quips. “I want that too. With you. Someday.”

“Good,” You smile. You trade kisses with Natasha, noting her sudden fatigue until you fall asleep in each other’s arms. You weren’t exactly intending to but you know you both need it.

************

A few hours later you’re awakened by the sound of the front door unlocking. The kids are home. You awaken first, tapping Natasha awake, and she only nuzzles into your body further. She’s not ready to move away.

“Unbelievable,” Yelena Belova’s voice interrupts your bliss. You both pop up to see the blonde standing over the two of you with a look of disgust on her face. “I can’t believe it.” Yelena shakes her head.

“Mommy!” Emma and Ryan chorus. Natasha makes quick work of buttoning up her shirt and pants without them seeing. It’s Yelena who notices and shakes her head.

“Is this why you wanted me to pick them up?” Yelena asks but then she drops Emma’s backpack onto the ground. “You know what, I’m leaving, I don’t even care.” She heads for the front door. You watch in trepidation as Natasha races after her.

“Yelena,” Natasha calls after her younger sister. “Yelena, you’re acting like a child.”

“And you’re being stupid,” The woman insults. She turns back to Natasha with a disappointed look on her face. “You can’t think one quick fuck is going to make her stay. She left you. She left your kids. I can’t fucking believe this.”

“Yelena, that’s enough,” Natasha speaks firmly. “You don’t know what’s going on.”

“Well I have eyes,” Yelena argues back. “ I think I can see.”

“She’s my wife,” Natasha pleads with her sister to understand.

“No,” Yelena rants. “She’s your ex-wife that broke your heart.”

“And she’s trying to make things better,”

“And just like that, you believe her? You’re smarter than that, Natasha.” Yelena scolds her sister. Natasha doesn’t speak. “Don’t call me when she decides she doesn’t want to play house anymore.” Yelena walks away after that.

Natasha watches as her sister gets into her car and drives down the street. How was she supposed to respond to that? She turns back toward the house to see you standing on the steps waiting for her.

“That was intense,” You comment. Natasha nods. You hold out your arms for her to step into them. She hides her face in your neck.

“Am I being stupid?” She mumbles into your neck and you almost miss it.

“No, Natasha,” You assure her.

“Don’t make me look stupid,” She pleads. “I won’t survive it this time.”

“Me either,” You hold her.

You wouldn’t give this up again. You understand that Natasha’s family has a right to be cautious. They have a right to hate you. You could only hope that they see that you’re trying.

---> next part

#natasha romanoff #black reader #natasha x reader #black widow x reader #black widow x female reader #natasha romanov #natasha x you #natsxaddiction #natasha romanoff smut

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wangxianficfinder · 11 months

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In the mood for...

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1. Hi! This is weirdly specific but I’m looking for modern AU fics set in China, written by Chinese authors preferably because I’m hoping to find the very accurate, realistic representations of China, with all those little “daily life” details that make the setting feel more real. I hope this makes sense, and thank you in advance for your help! ❤️

There's definitely Chinese diaspora collection(s). Give me a minute and I'll see if I can find some for #1 Like this one

I am not sure how many of these are set in China but it's a collection of non canon-set fic recs made by Chinese diaspora fans in two different Diaspora servers

this is another diaspora collection!

The Fifth Type of Non-Contact Force by Caixx (Not Rated, 83k, WangXian, Modern AU, High School, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Fluff and Humor, Actually Somewhat Canon, Mutual Pining, Horny Teenagers, Angst with a Happy Ending, Non-Graphic Smut)

oh #1 even modern day cdrama are not all that accurate for daily life stuff. If you're feeling like branching out from wangxian fic to a cdrama with modern china daily life vibes that isn't 100% romance. Can try "Heart of Genius" it's a time/parallel world travel to the past.

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2. Hello again!!! Thanks for the recs, they're so goooood! I recently read two fics that involve catfishing, how to fall in love with a catfish: a guide by wei wuxian (disaster rat) by bwyn, Yuisaki & we'll get him falling for a stranger (or a catfish) by sweetlolixoand I'm hooked! I'll definitely recommend them to everyone!

Ok so I'm craving for more catfish fics. Preferably wangxian but I'd love Sangcheng or Xicheng too! Thanks again ❤️ @dizzydandelionsandhyperhydrillas

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3. ITMF: I'm very, very picky about modern aus but figured I'd give it a try. I want a modern au where they're already adults, it's angsty, and they're in character. My fave is when the angst kind of mirrors canonverse (ie WWX being "disowned," framed for something or disappearing, miscommunication, whatever so long as it isn't kind of just random melodrama) but I'll also just accept if the angst is in a breaking up -> getting back together/exes to lovers arc. Sorry if this is too picky!

These Things Stay the Same by notevenyou (E, 29k, WangXian, Modern AU, Kid Fic, Canon-Typical Violence, Minor Character DeathInjury, Natural Disasters, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hospitalization, Accidents) kinda

These all involve breakups/canon-level misunderstandings:

Tempo Rubato by Spodumene (E, 107k, WangXian, Modern AU, Angst with a Happy Ending, Romance, Persuasion au, Separations, Mutual Pining, Depression, Miscommunication, Emotional Roller Coaster, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Reconciliation, Eventual Smut, Jane Austen Fusion, Underage Kissing)

💖 Pentimento. by orange_crushed (E, 73k, wangxian, modern, college/university au, art conservation, museums, pining, not actually unrequited love, angst w/ happy ending, misunderstandings, smut, major character injury, hospitalization, hurt/comfort, past incarceration, forgery)

Waiting for Spring series by thievinghippo (E, 225k, WangXian, Modern AU, Mutual Pining, Pining while fucking, slight angst, Happy Ending, for a baseball fic, there’s not a lot of baseball, Sports, Baseball)

Dirty Little Secret by ilip13 (E, 67k, wangxian, Modern, Angst with a Happy Ending, Unreliable Narrator, Post-Break Up, Friends with benefits / Exes with benefits / Fuck-buddies, Implied Cheating, Also possibly some cheating kink, Self-Worth Issues, WWX is strong with the self-hatred here, trigger warning: suicide and mental illness (background of minor character), Graduate Students, Liberal use of the word 'fuck', Semi-Nonlinear Storytelling)

The Right to Care by travelingneuritis (E, 61k, wangxian, Modern, Mood Whiplash, musician LWJ, nanny WWX, Developing Relationship, Breakup, Texting, Pining, Eventual Happy Ending, Adoption, Child Abuse, abuse intervention, Miscommunication)

moonlight falls Series by RoseThorne (T, 19k, WangXian, Modern, Found Family, Corporate Espionage, Bunnies, Adoption, Family, Family Feels, Family Fluff, References to Depression, Anxiety, Blind Character, POV Third Person, POV WWX, Confrontations, Bad Parent LQR, Dissociation, Mental Health Issues, Anniversary, Food, Food as a Metaphor for Love, Emotional Constipation, Communication Failure, JC is Bad at Feelings, JC is Trying, WWX Needs a Hug, Implied/Referenced Sex, Food Sex, Friendship, Reconciliation, Psychological Trauma)

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4. Hey, any fics where wwx's (and lwj's) parents are alive. Absolutely no omegaverse thanks

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5. Hi! I’m looking for modern AU wangxian and I’ve searched far and wide for new ones. I don’t have anything specific except I looking for multichapter / longer than 15K! If there’s anything not talked about enough and AMAZING or something new etc. If there are any authors that write modern AU wangxian I’d love to know. Thank you so much for your page!

once upon a time, 很久很久以前 by gentil-minou (Flyingsuits) (M, 40k, WIP, WangXian, Modern AU, Canon Divergence, Transmigration, of the townwide variety, Amnesia, of the nearly everyone variety, Mystery, of the shenanigans variety, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, WWX Has Self-Esteem Issues, Single Parent LWJ, Fluff and Angst, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Minor Character Death, Angst with a Happy Ending) this is my fic, it's modern au and pretty new. still ongoing though, idk if that's a turn off for you

Just Ask Me To Stay by mrcformoso (M, 20k, WangXian, Modern AU, Former JZ/WWX, Minor NieLan, Minor XuanLi, No Powers, Dancer WWX, Musician LWJ, Roommates, Best Friends, Friends to Lovers, Break Up, Post-Break Up, Recovery, WWX Has Self-Esteem Issues, Fluff, Light Angst, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Oral Sex, Domestic Fluff, LWJ Has a Big Dick, WWX Has a Breeding Kink, Size Queen WWX, Belly Bulge, Porn With Plot, WWX Has Friends, LWJ Has Friends, Hurt/Comfort, A lot of comfort, Romantic Comedy, Cuter story than the summary makes it out to be, Feel-good) bestfriends to lovers and oh my god they were roommates.

eyes closed for you by soultana (E, 36k, wangxian, modern cultivation, POV LWJ, Cultivator LWJ, WWX is a spirit/yao, Dreams vs. Reality, basically WWX haunts LWJ's dreams (lovingly), Sexual Tension, Pining, YLLZ is misunderstood, Oral Sex, Anal Sex, Masturbation, WWX is a Tease, Getting Together, Supportive LXC, LQR Is So Done)

take my hand, will you share this with me series by doodlebutt (E, 137k, wangxian, JC/WQ, Modern, figure skating, Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending, Major Character Injury, Recovery, Getting Together, Background Pregnancy, the mortifying ordeal of Talking About Your Feelings, sexually tense pair skating, and tbh. sexually tense everything else too, past trauma, public displays of affection aka canon wangxian behaviour, u dont need a sex tape when the cctv footage is Right There!, There Was Only One Bed, Pre-Relationship, TEEN WANGXIAN MY BELOVED, Semi-Public Sex, sleep deprivation and irresponsible decisions can be sexy sometimes, with additional warnings in start note, Domestic Fluff, Burnout, Yúnmèng Siblings Feels, BSSR knows everything, angst! softness! tender yearning!, demi wwx)

Players gonna play by Scrippio (T, 41k, wangxian, JC/WQ, JYL/JZX, Modern, College/University au, Theater AU, Director WWX, Faculty advisor LWJ, grad student JC, Baker JYL, grad student WQ, Fluff, First Meeting, Getting Together, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Depression, WIP)

Truth Will Out (when caught on video) - End_OTW_Racism! by KizuKatana (E, 108k, wangxian, WN & WWX & WQ, graphic depictions of violence, modern cultivation, canon divergence, YZY abuses WWX , caught on camera, partial core removal, WWX kicked out of Jiang sect, livestreamer WWX, meet ugly, dual cultivation, smut, no war, WIP)

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9. Hi! Hope you guys are okay <3

For your next itmf, I was hoping you could rec me something a bit more particular? Something that highlights Yi Ziyuan's abuse and makes wwx leave the Jiang sect for good. And then as time passes YZY tries to bring wwx down, or just regrets doing what she did. Can be modern, or not, I really don't mind. I just wanna see genius wwx standing up for himself and getting the love and appreciation he deserves!

Thank you again!! 🩷 @flexible-racoon

💖 Lessons relearned by Iamnotawriter (T, 44k, WangXian, LQR & WWX, Not Madam Yu Friendly, Time Travel Fix-It, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Inventor WWX, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, No Golden Core Transfer, YZY Bashing) It's not the focus of the fic, but it does feature characters reacting to YZY's abusive treatment of WWX & has her try to bring him down after he leaves the sect, though that part happens late in the fic

Debts of a Child series by Hauntcats (M, 115k, WangXian, dark, YZY Bashing, Not Jiang Family Friendly, Angst and Feels, lots of anger, JC Bashing, not Jiang friendly, Angst with a Happy Ending, Content warning for icky spiders in later chapters.)

If Wishes Were Donkeys by NightOwl1 (M, 61k, WIP, WangXian, SVSSS, Time Travel Fix-It, Case Fic, Mpreg, Fluff and Humor, Dysfunctional Jiāng Family, Bad Parent YZY, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, Period-Typical Homophobia, Crossdressing, LWJ and WWX Have a Breeding Kink, It's All The System's Fault, Post-Canon, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Warning: JGS, Good Uncle LQR, LWJ and WWX Are LSZ's Parents, Inappropriate Humor, Family Feels) If Wishes Were Donkeys, kinda. YZY gets caught between her hatred of WWX and knowing he's talented when LWJ comes to get him to bring him back to Gusu as a bride, forcing her to accept a single copper coin and handing over the rights to all of WWX's inventions and blowing her top when it comes to light WWX's inventions are actually incredible

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10. Are there any fics that contain WWX resenting/hating on the Jiangs? Maybe he'd do revenge after he's out of LP or something similar with that would be ok

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11. itmf fics where JC is raising baby JL as a single parent. modern au preferred, but any is good! he could have support from others or not, but im looking for fics where he does most of the day to day parenting

To lurk, to lie in wait by trippednfell (M, 124k, WangXian, Modern with Magic, Huli Jing, strangers to co-parents to lovers, Strangers to Lovers, Dragons, Kid Fic, teenage juniors, background NieLan, Angst with a Happy Ending, Case Fic, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Not Really Character Death, Fox Spirit WWX, Dragon LWJ, Blood and Injury, Additional Warnings In Author’s Note)

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12. For the next itmf, I’m looking for fics where wwx gets turned into child/baby @selkie-hi

found your writing on my wall by howodd5ever (T, 25k, WangXian, Accidental Baby Acquisition, De-aged WWX, in which jc and lwj have to learn to deal with each other, Post-Canon, Getting Together, Referenced Child Neglect, discussion of parental loss, child food insecurity, Case Fic, kind of, Nightmares)

no time for crying by Narci (T, 10k, WangXian, Wwx protection squad, Age Regression/De-Aging, Kid!WWX, kid!lsz, night hunt gone absolutely right, (lowkey golden core fix it), Fluff, Angst and Feels, Humor, Juniors)

grow by cafecliche (T, 14k, LSZ & WWX, LSZ & LWJ, WangXian, Age Regression/De-Aging, Character Study, Post-Canon, [Podfic] Grow by jellyfishfire)

❤️ in case of fire, break glass by Jenrose (T, 65k, WangXian, Time Travel Fix-It, Post-Canon, Canon Divergence, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, BAMF WWX, BAMF LWJ, Genius Inventor WWX, No Women Die, Background XiYao, Second Chances, unless they're too evil to save, Canon-typical Temporary Major Character Death, First Time) this has some physical deaging via time travel

A Tiny, Untimely Mess by Hauntcats (T, 26k, WIP, WangXian, Child WWX, Canonical Character Death, Accidental Baby Acquisition) this is a WIP

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13. I've had a craving for a D&D AU for a while, but haven't come across any of them naturally so far. I don't mind it being them playing D&D, but preferably it would be a D&D styled fantasy AU. I just want silly Wangxian in Faerun tbh. @littlemintrose

🧡 Where’s Your Emergency? by trippednfell (M, 64k, WangXian, 911 Dispatcher WWX, Single dad LWJ, Kid fic, Modern AU, D&D Games, Angst with a happy ending) has WWX as a D&D player, and he creates characters based on himself and LWJ (and later creates his own fantasy D&D game)

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14. Itmf wwx's motherly instincts towards his ducklings pls

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15. Hi! I love love LOVE fics where Lan Zhan gets badly hurt and Wei Ying gets all protective over him. Bonus if Wei Ying goes all angry/dangerous to those who hurt Lan Zhan. Basically any fic where Wei Ying is protecting Lan Zhan who is in a bad situation is welcome 😂 Do you have specific tags or posts like that? @acklesforlife

❤️ Rabbit Heart by Suaine (M, 57k, wangxian, yearning, family issues)

moonlight caught in mutton fat by Raitelzen (T, 45k, WangXian, Case Fic, Curses, Curse Breaking, Transformation, mild body horror, Hurt LWJ, Ghosts)

the field meets the wood by astronicht (T, 7k, WangXian, BAMF WWX, slight whump, Ritualistic Self Harm, Canon Era, Tang Dynasty style, Blood Loss, Blood and Injury, salt economics, Post-Canon, [Podfic] the field meets the wood by semperfiona_podfic (semperfiona), [podfic] the field meets the wood by jellyfishfire)

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16. hello! nothing in particular, just wangxian fics where lwj calls wwx his airen (i read it once in a fic and i am obssessed)

what price is duty, what cost is love by thunderwear (G, 18k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, WWX was never adopted by the Jiang Sect, War Prize, YLLZ WWX, Mutual Pining, First Kiss, First Time, Falling In Love, eventual dramatic confessions, Angst with a Happy Ending)

Stop (But please don't) by Silvers_Hidden_Corner (Silver_Flame_2724) (E, 1k, wangxian, Dubious Consent, Somnophilia, technically non-consensual somnophilia because they didn't discuss it beforehand, Bite Kink, Overstimulation, Size Kink, Strength Kink, Multiple Orgasms, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Belly Bulge, Dirty Talk, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot)

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17. Hello there! First of all Thank you for all the fic that all of you have recommended, it was very helpful and interesting. Please take care of yourselves well.

For the next ITMF, i would really appreciate if you could recommend me something that is truly heart-wrenching. I want fics that will destroy my feelings and heart.

Thank u so much! Have a great day.

When the Words Stop Coming by mrcformoso (T, 7k, wangxian, major character death, Canon Compliant, POV WWX, POV LWJ, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Pre-Sunshot Campaign, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, Canonical Character Death, Love Confessions, Rejection, LWJ is a Panicked Gay, Temporarily Unrequited Love, Trauma, WWX confesses early on, But canon still happens, LWJ starts confessing after, but the tables have turned, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Sad, LWJ rejects WWX, Then gets rejected by WWX after, "Get Lost") because I love breaking and mending hearts apparently

New Perspective series by mrcformoso (T, 35k, wangxian, LSZ & LWJ, WN & WWX, LSZ & WWX, LJY/LSZ, major character death, Angst, Hopeful Ending, Fatherhood, Regrets, Flashbacks, POV LWJ, LWJ-centric, Canonical Character Death, Pining LWJ, LWJ Has Feelings, LWJ Needs a Hug, Character Development, Dead WWX, LWJ deals with the death of his love, And learns to be a father along the way, Introspection, Feelings, LWJ is Bad at Feelings, Character Study, Regretful LWJ, Breaking Toxic Cycles, Canon Compliant, LWJ in Seclusion, Post-LWJ in Seclusion, Child LSZ, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Divergence but only the ending, Because can we agree that The Untamed Ending was bull, LWJ regaining Wei Ying's Trust, Golden Core Reveal, Good LSZ; Snippets, Post-Time Skip, Love Confessions, Requited Love, Trust Issues, WWX Has a Fear of Dogs, WWX Has No Golden Core, Jealousy, Fierce Corpse WN, Protective LWJ, Post-Canon, WWX Has Chronic Pain, WWX Has Issues, WWX has Phantom Pain, WWX was Malnourished, Sad LWJ, POV WWX, WWX is always cold, migraines, Suicidal WWX, Suicidal Thoughts, Implied/Referenced Suicide, mirror therapy, Good Friend NHS, Crying, WWX's body is normal but he still feels as if it isnt, POV LSZ. Found Family, Toxic Elders, Growing Up, The Lan Juniors, LSZ's parents suffered, And so he starts a revolution, Bringing about change, LWJ Adopts LSZ, WWX is LSZ's Parent, LSZ is a polite menace, HGJ raised an army of Lan rebels and we're here for it, Good Uncle WN) can guarantee has made multiple people cry

to the act of making noise by words-writ-in-starlight (WordsWritInStarlight) (G, 19k, WangXian, Grief/Mourning, Father-Son Relationship, inquiry, Music, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, CQL Verse, [Podfic] to the act of making noise by Ceewelsh, flamingwell, kisahawklin, Rionaa) This one is totally heart-wrenching (and heart-mending), bring your tissues! Gotta especially recommend the podfic version, especially the one work music added. Absolutely shreds your tear ducts. The whole series is incredible tbh

Home Front by flamingwell (T, 1k, LSZ & WWX, Post-Canon, Angst, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Death, Qiongqi Path prison camp references, hence the referenced child abuse and death, Grief/Mourning, a lot of angst in a small package, War Crimes)

and the calm is deep where the quiet waters flow by izanyas (E, 308k, WIP, WangXian, A/B/O Dynamics, Rape Recovery, Unplanned Pregnancy, Discrimination, Slow Burn, the slowest burn imaginable, Violence/Gore, Child Abuse, Suicide, post-partum depression, a painful but gentle journey into the intricacies of bodily autonomy) one of the most heart-wrenching and disturbing fics I’ve ever read full stop. please mind the trigger warnings. it’s a/b/o but is very much a dark fic that takes it very seriously, to the point that i would hardly consider it an abo fic anymore 😭 incredible world building and deals with themes of sexual abuse, discrimination and all those lovely things </3 unfinished atm but the author has plans to continue

~*~

If you didn’t get an answer to your ask here, don’t forget to make use of @mdzs-kinkmeme and MDZS KINK MEME on Dreamwidth. Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what you order!***Your prompt doesn’t have to be kink! Fluff, crack, whatever - it’s all good!***

#wangxian #mdzs #wangxian fic recs #i'm in the mood for a fic #the untamed #wangxian fic search #wangxianficfinder #long post

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miseries-mistress · 2 years

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hey 👋👋 i love your fics btw your one of my favorite fic writers ❤️ could you do one where anakin and the reader get into a fight or argument and he grovels after? i feel like he’d be really sweet and cute and i’d love to see how you think he would be ✌️✌️

ILLIMITABLE CYCLES | ANAKIN SKYWALKER

Synopsis: Anakin overworking himself has become a regular occurrence for him. Not only is it affecting him, but your relationship too. He's shut himself off from anything besides his work, which in turn forfeits the little time you already have with him. So while your heart yearns for his undivided attention and his patience grows thin, the situation has become an argument bound to happen.

Warnings: brief mentions of female reader, insecurity, feelings of unworthiness, fluff, little angst, i think that’s it. W/C: 2506

Notes: sorry this took so long, things happened, and i am wayyy behind on requests (thank you for 300 followers 🫶)

star wars masterlist

"Patience, little one," Plo Koon chastised, and you couldn't help but slump at the tease that marred his voice. Plo Koon, your master, had been watching your anxious movements for quite some time, amused by your inability to sit still while you waited for Anakin's arrival.

After they called the Senate for aid, Anakin had been off with his battalion to end a separatist occupation in a Mid Rim system. While it had taken the Senate a while to agree and send troops to a system they didn't deem necessary, they still did so, and it just so happened that he was picked for a job.

It had been about four months since you'd seen him, and while holocalls did well to quell your anxiousness from being separated for so long, they did nothing to aid your loneliness.

As you waited for his return with your master and his commander at your side, you couldn't seem to quell your anxiety. Very un-Jedi of you.

"I wouldn't worry about it, kid. General Skywalker knows how to take care of himself," Wolffe tries, having noticed your anxiety as well. You attempt to smile in thanks, but you are interrupted by the roar of a ship's engine. It docks, the landing gear deploys with a hiss, and moments later, Anakin steps onto the gangplank, chatting happily with Rex at his side.

He looks up as he steps off the ship, and his eyes catch yours. A cocky grin spreads across his ash-bitten features as he quickened his pace. You meet Anakin in the middle and wrap him in a hug. The scent of salty sweat, metal, and ash clings to him like a second skin as you hold each other for an appropriate amount of time, breaking away a moment later.

"It's good to have you back, Skywalker." You smile, and he returns the gesture, stiffening when he notices the people behind you, primarily your master.

"I knew you missed me," he arrogantly replies, his grin twisting into something devious.

"Don't get ahead of yourself."

Plo Koon clears his throat behind you, uncomfortable with the tension you unintentionally created as you turn to face him, embarrassed by your carefree show of affection. Wolffe, besides your master, smirks at you, his knowing expression proving all your suspicions that he had, in fact, read the tension between you and Anakin. You send a disapproving glare at him, which in turn fuels his assumptions and his cocky grin. The bastard knows exactly what's transpiring between you and Anakin and is planning to hold it over your head until the day you inevitably die.

"We better get going if you do not wish to keep the council waiting, Skywalker. There is much to discuss." With that, your master turns with an unreadable expression, Wolffe following him.

"This is your fault," you hissed, following behind him out of earshot.

"You love me," he teases, his eyes lighting up as he senses your frustration in your signature, pushing roughly against his, like waves against an ocean.

"You're lucky I do."

You two share a moment of silence, basking in each other's vibrant signature, content in the realization you both came back alive and well, your hearts still beating along the thriving bond you shared. That is until Rex comes from behind, a datapad clutched in his hands. "General, sorry to interrupt, but look at this."

Anakin takes the device, inspects the information, and turns to Rex, the atmosphere changing into something akin to earnestness. "This could work. Let's…"

Their voices wane into the background as they wander ahead, Anakin leaving you behind without a second's hesitation. No repentant glance, sympathy, or remorse was thrown your way, just nothingness as if you weren't worth his time.

You look longingly ahead and sigh, shaking your head. Anakin hadn't even been back on Coruscant for ten minutes, yet he had already been pulled and shoved back into his role as a general. Of course, you knew this was partly to blame for Anakin's lack of intervals and the nonexistent distinction between his work and personal life. Blame it on his stubbornness or arrogance, but Anakin's unruly behavior, while letting him get things done quickly, could be formidable to deal with. Especially now, with your relationship, he seems to set aside less time for you than you would have hoped.

You knew his role as both Jedi and general was strenuous and demanding, but his inability to make time for you made you feel unworthy of his. But, of course, you didn't bring this topic up with Anakin, for the last thing you want to do is worry him about something he cannot change. So you've resigned yourself to merely savor the time he graces you with, no matter how much your heart yearns for more.

—

The council meeting lasts longer than you imagined because Anakin doesn't return to your room. The night grows older, and you grow wearier, toying with the possibility that he's not planning to make an appearance tonight. Usually, if there was a change in plans, Anakin would comm you and let you know, sending you off with a good night of some sort. Yet there is none of that, no indication he's remembered you at all.

It's another hour before you decide to seek him out, tired of waiting for his fated arrival to join you in bed. So instead, you wander around the temple halls, searching places like the sparring mats, the meditation room, and even the library (which he so rarely visits), all areas Anakin could be in. Still, all you found were deserted dark chambers, just as cold and empty as you felt.

"Padawan? May I ask what you are doing at this hour?" You turn on your heel, coming face to face with Obi-Wan's concerned expression, his arms neatly folded over the expansion of his chest.

"Master," you bowed, "I was looking for Master Skywalker. I have news on the battle plans he has been working on."

He furrowed his eyebrows at your bold-faced lie, his pupils searching your face before he sighed, running his hands through his tousled hair. "Yes, well, Anakin is in the war room. I'm afraid he's been at it for hours."

You slowly nod, digesting the information with tactical precision before you reply with a grateful smile. "Thank you, master, good night."

He grants you a silent bow before resuming whatever he is doing, his shoes clicking along the marble floor.

With your newfound information, you head to the war room with a newfound determination, all while your mind spins at the news. It wasn't like Anakin was due for any missions or briefings with the council in the morning. In fact, from what you heard, he didn't have anything scheduled for the next couple of days. So why was Anakin out so late?

You stood in front of the room's tall, looming doors. You take a deep breath, calming your nerves with your fumbling hand on the handle. It was just Anakin. Why were you so nervous?

And with that, you twist the handle, sealing your fate as you step inside. There's no light besides the glow of the holotable that Anakin is pouring over, strategies laid out in front of his tired, hooded eyes.

"So this is what you've been up to," you announce, and Anakin's visibility jumps, startled by your sudden appearance. He looks back at the table as you step further into the room, sheepishly rubbing the nape of his neck.

"Sorry, sweetheart, the time got away from me. I promise I did try to–"

"Save it, Anakin," you huffed, your annoyance growing over his excuses. If he was good at anything, Anakin Skywalker always had a compelling excuse, anything to justify his actions and convince others of the same. You weren't frustrated over him working, far from it, but his lack of communication and divulgence since he returned has turned into normal behavior for him. In turn, he's closed himself off, shutting himself off from anything besides his one-track mind.

His lips curl into a pout at your frustration. "Awe, don't be like that."

"Like what? You made a promise, and you broke it. You're supposed to comm me whenever things change, Anakin. You never make time for anything besides this nowadays," you gesture to the holotable. "It's like I'm not even here!"

"I didn't realize you were so needy," Anakin teasingly remarks, but his expression falls as you cross your arms over your chest, huffing indignantly. "Look, I'm sorry, but duties first, you know that."

"Anakin, you and I both know that this can wait until tomorrow. You have two days off…just come to bed, please."

You're pathetic. Anakin must know this by now. You're begging your lover to step away from work to spend time with you. It's selfish, so incredibly selfish, to demand his time when he has more worthwhile things to do, things that can save lives, millions of them, but you're getting in the way of that. Pathetic.

"Later." It's a half-hearted monotone promise that he deems is suitable enough to throw your way like he's dismissing a needy toddler. Perhaps that's all you are.

"Fine," your voice is weak. The convictions from earlier are all dead and festering.

He glances at you, and his exacerbated eyes roll, his hands pressed against the curved table.

"Maker, can't you back off?" he huffs, his hand running through his hair as he paces, pushing off the table. Pathetic. You can feel it in his signature, rippling in dark, consuming waves. It's all he feels for you. It's all he can feel. It's overwhelming when he looks at you again with nothing but a hollow flame in his eyes.

You know that you're part of, if not the entire, reason Anakin is harboring such crippling annoyance and anger. However, you cannot help but wonder what provoked such an extreme reaction. Was asking for a sliver of his time really that burdensome, or did you only encourage him when he was already in a mood?

You shrink into yourself as Anakin huffs, his presence engulfing more of the room by the second. It smothers you.

"I said later, stop givin' me that look– Maker– I'll be there. Just give me some space."

"Oh." You swallow the lump in your throat, blinking away the tears that selfishly enter your eyes. Needy. That's all you were; desperate for attention and recognition from the man you loved so dearly. It made you sick. "Ok."

Your voice sounds weak and wobbly to your own ears, and you're sure he can hear how on the cusp of tears you are.

Anakin eyes find yours at the nearly debilitating shake in your words. However, this time they soften, and he's by your side in an instant, engulfing you in a hug. It's then, wrapped up entirely in Anakin that you crumble soft tears rolling down the plains of your cheeks.

"I'm sorry, Gods, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it," he repeats it like a mantra, his hand rubbing circles down the length of your spine. You don't do anything but remain in his arms, your emotions raging and crashing against each other like a violent storm without end. You were angry; angry that Anakin could so easily cast you aside like you were nothing like you meant nothing, but at the same time, his words rang a bell of truth. You were clingy, desperate for praise and the attention of others to prove that you weren't as worthless as you often thought yourself to be, and because of that, Anakin got mad. Rightfully so.

Your tears died down, and he slowly lifted you from his chest, looking at you with those liquid pools of tenderness and apology. You couldn't stand it.

"Y/N, I'm so–"

"It's fine, Anakin. You were right. I'll take my leave." You didn't recognize your hollowed-out words as your own while you turned to leave, only for Anakin to hold you firmly, refusing to slip from his grasp.

"No– No, fuck, no, I didn't mean any of it. I shouldn't have snapped at you like that. I was just so tired after today and…" Anakin sighed, his head hanging low while his hands ran up and down your arms, a motion of solace.

"You don't have to make excuses, Anakin. I shouldn't have been so needy as to demand your attention all the damn time. It's my fault."

"No, it's not. Not at all. Don't say that. You aren't needy for wanting my attention, pretty girl. I should have paid more attention to how you were feeling."

"Anakin…"

"Hey, let me apologize for once, will ya'?" His hand snakes under your chin, lifting it to gain your full attention. "I was…wrong for all of it. I was looking forward to seeing you tonight, but I just got wrapped up in my work, and well, you know what happens."

It's an awkward sort of apology, but it's Anakin. So wholly and entirely him, it gets the point across of what he's so desperately trying to communicate.

"Anakin, what you are doing is important, and I shouldn't have demanded you to step away–"

"Maker, you really don't listen, do you?" he chuckles, his eyes skimming yours, almost as if he's trying to decide something before his hands slide down your shoulders, lowering himself to his knees. His head rests on your stomach as he takes a shuddering breath. Your heart thrums in your chest as you wildly search his body language for some explanation, trying to decipher what's transpiring in his head.

"You're not needy, sweet girl. You deserve more than the attention I give you. You deserve so much more- shit, it breaks me to see those pretty eyes of your cry. I…please forgive me."

Your hand moves before you can process it to his hair as you run your fingers through it. Anakin's words had quelled something inside you. Whether it was rage or insecurity, or both, you didn't know. The desperation in his words had you hanging off them like an oxygen source, greedily consuming any reassurance he offered you, and now with Anakin on his knees, begging you to forgive him with sincerity seeping into every crevice of his signature, it was easy for your following words to slip past your lips like a kiss of purgation, as cleansing as the taste of exoneration.

"I forgive you."

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hajimedics · 1 year

Text

On Puppets, Agency, and Fate

I’ve been writing this thinkpiece for around a week while looking further into Welcome Home’s symbolism through queer/neurodivergent lenses; strengthening my belief that its themes of freedom and fate cannot be separated from the struggles the characters face as queer/neurodivergent folks.

This writing is going to be a mix of canonical content and my personal interpretation as I make many connections to various readings. Not to mention that the story is very far from done according to the words of the creator himself, so please take the things I say with a grain of salt.

You can view this thinkpiece in Google Docs format here.

CW: mentions/discussions of homophobia, transphobia, ableism, and abuse

I've always adored explorations of humanity and their deteriorating, fluctuating psyche through characters constantly challenged by the narrative (example: Phos from Land of the L*strous, Kris from D*ltarune, Guts from B*rserk, Mae from N*ght in the W*ods) and how they struggle to find their place in the world and freedom. To progress, humanity has always desire freedom. Freedom of expression. Freedom to think. Freedom to honestly, unapologetically be who one wants to be. Humans and humanity are not always synonymous. Welcome Home is a case of this too, its ensemble cast consisting of puppets.

Clown has stated that themes of being queer/neurodivergent are very integral to the story in many aspects, from the characters to the metanarrative. I want to talk about the things I've noticed, the analogies they carry, and how every character's identity contributes to the themes or the story.

First off, the neighborhood.

The neighborhood in general

From the perspective of Welcome Home Puppet Show’s creators, the neighborhood is the idea of a perfect, idyllic community through the lens of cisheteronormavity from the 70s. It is something out of a children’s dream with the colorful imagery, the peaceful yet eventful neighborhood filled with fun activities where everyone in the neighborhood is happy and there are no realistic problems like capitalism, oppression, relationship problems, sickness, and death. Of course, it’s the given obvious because this is a puppet show we’re talking about. A show aimed at kids.

Everyone has a role to play in the neighborhood – the shopkeeper, the mailman, the baker, the bug nerd – they all fit the traditional, stereotypical, cartoonish American mold of what the dream urban life is like in the 70s (and it still is in my small hometown, in Indonesia! We’re quite traditional in a sense) especially with the lack of serious overarching threats of aforementioned human problems.

Welcome Home first aired on 1969 and abruptly ended on 1974. A possible theory is that they cannot keep up with the competitor shows at the time (Sesame Street started on 1969 and The Muppet Show started on 1974, fun fact!), but seeing the amount of merchandise they put out and the way it stood out from various angles, this theory can be thrown out the window. The “about” page for WHPS also describes the show as well acclaimed and doing well during its runtime.

Another one is that the sentience of the puppets (and their desire to have autonomy over their own lives) have possibly impacted the writing of the story, given how they have their own identity outside of the one given by WHPS’s writers to them. Even more when you take into consideration that WHPS is produced during the era when LGBT history in America is at a major turning point. As cited from The Atlantic:

“Those years that followed, the decade of the 1970s, represent a remarkable period of transformation for gays and lesbians, particularly those living in America's coastal cities. At its core, that transformation was about visibility. During those years, there was the first gay television movie (That Certain Summer); a sexy on-screen kiss between two men in Sunday, Blood Sunday; and the release of Cabaret, which has been hailed as the first movie that "really celebrated homosexuality.

There were gains in politics too: Edward Koch, then serving in Congress, "became one of the first elected officials to publicly lobby on behalf of the homosexuals of Greenwich Village," Kaiser writes. Gay Pride Week was established. Perhaps most significantly: In December of 1973, the board of the American Psychiatric Association* voted 13-0 "to remove homosexuality from its list of psychiatric disorders."

The laws that no longer criminalizes or dehumanizes queer folks are being written. Changes are made. Even when LGBT movement was going on a fairly optimistic path, oppression and bigotry towards the community was still rampant. After all, oppressors just can’t change their views in a whim! Their hatred comes from their own thoughts and not because the higher ups told them so.

I won’t turn this into a writing about queer history instead of focusing on Welcome Home. Though, I think it's all worth mentioning given the things I'm going to discuss here and how Clown stated that these themes will become prevalent throughout the story. I decide to write this thinkpiece as an outlet for my thoughts and how I connected many of the story's aspects to the themes of freedom – both from their status as puppets and their identity.

Now that the overview is out of the way, time to bring in the big guns.

The neighborhood and Playfellow Workshop

If we take Playfellow Workshop's involvement in the characters' lives outside of episode recordings, Welcome Home becomes a huge transgender allegory, wrapped in a neat colorful package called "being puppets whose view on the world is much more narrow and simple in which they are controlled by beings above their comprehension".

Playfellow Workshop is the company that creates WHPS and owns its characters. They act as the "parents" to the "children" – WHPS' characters – in this comparison. They house the characters, have them as their responsibilities and assets, and, as any show production goes, they most definitely have staff that takes care of the puppets to see if there are any rips or tears in their bodies, making sure they are fit for the show production. It's just like how parents house their children when they cannot afford housing or live on their own, taking care of (or rather monitor) them, giving them shelter and food.

They are controlled both literally and figuratively by Playfellow Workshop – former because they're hand puppets made for children's entertainment and latter because of their status binding them to their duties. Just like how a parent has authority over their children under the guise of “you live under my roof, you live under my rules.” The rules in questions are the episodes which are produced on story scripts, and the puppets follow said scripts.

Playfellow Workshop is extremely important to the puppets, whether the company is taking a positive role, a neutral role, or an antagonistic role. If the puppets were to break free from their grasp, who would take care of them? Who will place them onto their cases, or fix their rips and tears, or make sure they're in good shape? Playfellow Workshop may have taken a toll on the puppets, but no one can take care of the puppets better than Playfellow Workshop.

You might be wondering, “But Senja, this can be read as a typical controlling parent and clueless children dynamic. Why so specific about it being a trans experience?”

It can be read like the former! I made more connections and thus thought "Hm. This is so true to my trans experience".

There are multiple transgender characters in the story such as Frank, Poppy, and Julie. I was struggling on how to put my thoughts into words about the ways the producers of WHPS (could it be that they thought about the puppets not being cis?) can write in trans characters in WHPS, but I believe Clown himself and the wikipedia page for Gonzo from The Muppets said it best.

A similar case for the puppets can be applied to the trans characters of Welcome Home! Still, the way the puppets present themselves to the audience is also ultimately a decision made by Playfellow Workshop, especially during episode recordings. Clown also said that they won’t reveal much about it since he doesn’t want to give out spoilers. Perhaps regarding to the nature of Playfellow Workshop, too?

The puppets and the scripts can also be a stand-in for how trans folks who still live with authoritative adult figures (especially those that don't accept them or begrudgingly does) are handling autonomy over their own bodies and actions. Although not shown for now, I predict there’s going to be an eventual identity dissonance between who the puppets truly are and who the puppets are according to WHPS’ writers. It reminds me of my experience of when I was much younger, being a closeted trans person who often struggles with disassociation, looking into the mirror and feeling like me and my body are not one. Not myself. It's like they're two separate beings, "me" who is what I truly am, and "my body" that is dictated and dressed up by my parents. As much as I love my body, little me wanted to claw out and break free if it means I can have a semblance of independence over my life. (Things are much better these past few years, though!)

Again, I don’t like accusing Playfellow Workshop of purposefully mistreating the puppets or even taking pleasure in hurting them because we are just getting started; getting to know the personalities and character dynamics between each character. Authoritative parents won't exactly be abusive to their children. Maybe Playfellow Workshop is just doing their job. They take care of the puppets because if they're damaged, the show won't go on. They act indifferent towards the puppets because well, they're just puppets. No personal feelings. That's just how business goes.

We do know that Playfellow Workshop is a big problem regarding the WHPS’ cancellation and the puppets’ worrying fates.

Playfellow Workshop aside, what about the community regarding the puppets?

The neighborhood is a small town consisting of nine residents. Everyone knows each other, and it’s hard to keep secrets from one another with just how tight-knit everyone is; the experience of living in a small town rings true to mine. Almost everyone in my quaint hometown knows many details about each other and their families because our community strongly believes in the importance of bonds and our culture is built on the word "family".

The neighborhood is a family that does not fit the general criteria of what the traditional structure of a family is. There is no concrete "father" or "mother" or "siblings" assigned here – they're also not the typical found family where they meet one another by chance. They are placed inside the set by the creators of the WHPS, lives already decided by its writers (like a traditional family), but they find solace in each other, having their lives intertwined with one another through bonds that they also take part in building, even outside of the show's production (like a found family, as seen in the "answer" pages). They are friends. They are family. Not to mention how the neighborhood is called "Home", a place where a family lives.

But they also cannot get out – as in get out of WHPS instead of just the neighborhood. I will be covering connections to freedom for each character later on (Sally falling from the sky, Poppy as a flightless bird, Howdy as an adult caterpillar) but the way their existence is bound by the colorful stage sets and rainbow props can also be seen as a small analogy that traditional families are expected to always stick with each other no matter how bad things are.

Themes of family aside, I’ll talk about how the so-called “long lost and unknown of number” episodes. WHPS’ episodes start with Wally leading the viewers through the cacophony of the neighborhood. Then other characters join in, with many of them having notable activity segments. The episodes then end with Wally, who has finished journeying with the viewer, when the day has ended. It is most peculiar and harrowing that the agency of the puppets regarding the show is dependent on Wally and the time of the day. Wally plays the central figure of the story, first being placed in the position as the protagonist and most important character in WHPS, then having to act as their savior because he is the only puppet thus far that has contact with the restoration team and you, the viewer. He is akin to a child who has to take the lead as the head of the family even though he is not prepared for it.

Nobody remembers Welcome Home. Nobody remembers who the puppets are. At the time, the puppets only have themselves and each other to rely on for support. Then again, it’s not even clear if they are with each other when they went missing or scattered around.

Now that I've covered the connections I've made regarding the neighborhood as a whole, I’d like to analyze its residences one by one.

Wally Darling

Wally is a very complex character and by far the most – ironically – human out of everyone in the cast. The word "freedom" is written all over him and the word "love" is sewn into every inch of his body.

Wally is shown to show little to no interest in romance or dating. He allowed his friends to get touchy-feely with him (examples being sleeping with Barnaby and getting hugged by Eddie) and doesn’t hesitate to show his affections to them, but it’s been said that he never found them romantic. Wally’s lack of interest in romance gives me the impression that he is in the AroAce spectrum. Clown even mentioned that he doesn’t know what to do if someone confesses their love to him. Wally knows what romance is, he knows what romantic love is, he just doesn't see himself finding a partner anytime soon.

Wally's view on love not only ties into his queerness, but also his neurodiversity – his autism. He is not good at reading social cues or acting "as accordingly" to the situations presented to him. Clown also suggested that Wally cannot process emotions “the way humans do”. They also entertain the idea that Wally is “emotionless”; but I’d rather interpret it as Wally having low empathy and possibly alexithymia, traits shared by many autistic folks (including me).

He expresses his love in a way that accommodates his neurodiversity: real actions.

Wally has been shown from time to time as someone who absolutely, truly loves his friends. The way he loves others cannot be categorized into simple boxes such as “romantic” or “platonic” or “familial”. Wally loves his friends dearly and it is deep and true, simple as that. He also loves you, the viewer, and a hidden page in the Welcome Home page says that "Wally is your best friend". When he was communicating with you, it read to me more like fascination, curiosity, and cries of help instead of macabre obsession as I normally would expect in psychological stories such as Welcome Home.

All of this makes the struggles he faced after WHPS' cancellation and getting separated from his friends more tragic.

Having the world that he knows ripped away from him must've been traumatizing to him. The world that he has always known is gone. The people that he knew and met everyday are scattered everywhere. Although there are many image file names that suggest he has contact with some of his friends, he doesn’t know if everyone is fine. He’s now left to pick up the pieces and try to stick them back together. He has so much to think about, too much to think about, and so he decides to reach out to you.

When you take into consideration that autistic folks often rely on self-made sets of rules, Wally's situation turns from sad to depressing. Autistic folks rely on schedules and routines (also seen through Frank) to give them a sense of control over their lives and help them ground themselves in reality. When Wally's "routine" is ripped away from him, he has to immediately make sense of his situation and make himself accustomed to a life full of uncertainty. His adaptation to change isn't simply about comfort – it's about surviving. His struggles don't only stop there.

Wally's intentions are read wrongly, some people interpreting him as "creepy" or "malicious" instead of just "awkward" or "desperate". Interestingly, this flanderization and misconception of his character comes from the internet's view on him instead of from the audience/staff in-universe. His autistic traits that cannot be deemed "cute" enough (the way he stares, his mannerism, how he talks slowly, or his fixation on the viewer) is considered creepy in a way that appeals to the fandom and thus extrapolated into something more extreme; him being a lovesick obsessive love interest, him being a religious cult leader, or him being the overarching villain of the story. The way that people outside his universe are the ones demonizing him is poetic in a way – reflective of the world that we live in where ableism towards autistics are so embedded even in the way we view tragic characters with low empathy.

Maybe Wally’s mannerisms are written that way because it’s to add more mystery, but knowing that Clown likes to play with secrets and says that neurodivergency plays a huge part in the story makes me think it’s also the other way around. His behavior as an autistic and traumatized character is what makes people believe that he's the villain. It’s unintentional on his part, but people who fail to read between the lines can think otherwise. It reminds me that when autistic folks cannot express emotions "correctly” or act a certain way that is expected regarding certain social situations, neurotypicals immediately jump into bad, unsavory conclusions about their intentions.

In reality, Wally is a desperate person who just wants the viewer to know and realize his presence and (assumedly) save his friends. Sure, he isn't straightforward in his words when communicating to us through hidden audio files, but his intentions are getting more clear to me. He’s thrust into a situation where he now acts as the guardian for his friends instead of Playfellow Workshop. He wants to get in. He's not a saint. He's not a villain. He's a struggler.

Sally Starlet

Sally! Her name is a fun one. She’s a star. She’s also an actress/play writer, related to the phrase “star of the show”.

So far, Clown hasn’t confirmed anything regarding her sexuality or gender identity, but the interactions she has with other characters from various audio files gave me some clues.

Her interactions with male characters are comedic or bossy in a comical sense, definitely stays true to her bombastic personality. She's not particularly fond of having Barnaby or Howdy star in her plays – the former not taking it seriously while the latter advertising his products in the middle of her plays. She also likes bossing Eddie around as shown in Eddie's Big Lift and is entertained by his antics, from him calling her "ma'am" to him not being able to refuse any of her commands.

Sally is noticeably more mellow around women like Julie and Poppy, notably the latter. Despite getting tired of Julie messing up the script of her plays, she isn’t annoyed with her and thinks of her antics as amusing rather than annoying. She is also patient with Poppy, not getting deterred by her always worrying nature and talks to her calmly. She encourages her ideas, help her to be more confident in herself and is very supportive of her! Their personalities bounce off one another really well, and she is just so sweet. Sally also endearingly calls Julie “Juliet” and Poppy “dear” and “darling”, something she doesn’t do with the male characters.

She gives me the impression of being a lesbian. She reminds me a lot of Lady D from RE VIII who’s a canon lesbian, calls Evan “manthing”, and speaks/acts in the same sophisticated manner as Sally, haha!

Besides her queerness, I found an interesting connection to freedom from her backstory. Sally was originally a star from space that falls to earth in order to pursue her interest in acting. She fell from a place that is vast and endless to a place surrounded by trees and predetermined fates. Also her working with play scripts… the show running on episode scripts… hm…

A falling star has a close definition to a meteor, burning brightly due to the pressure but then losing its spark and mass during its journey, ultimately burning into nothingness. Possibly just a coincidence, but the symbolism when related to Sally is sad.

Frank Frankly

Amidst the cheerful technicolor citizens of the neighborhood, Frank stood out the most by having grey skin and a constant frown on his face. He’s the bookworm character archetype of the show and is described as “arguably the smartest person in the neighborhood”. He’s also one of the handful characters that doesn’t have any information regarding where he was before he came to the neighborhood.

Frank is autistic. As I’ve mentioned in Wally’s part of this thinkpiece, Frank relies on routines and familiarity to give himself a sense of agency and control over his life. He likes arranging things in the order they’re supposed to go, he has a keen eye on organization and structure, and he wants things to be done right in his own ways. “This is the way things should be done, not that way.”

There are drawings Clown made depicting him stimming and infodumping about his special interests, those being entomology and insects.

Frank and Julie are paired together in many Welcome Home-related content. They are best friends who does things together and spends time playing together. They perform a comedy duo; Frank is the "straight man" to Julie's "funny man". His friendship with Julie is very important to both the show and the overarching story. They are something more than simple friends, something less than lovers, and something just right and deep for the both of them. Not that Playfellow Workshop thinks much about that.

The animation cells for “Julie-rella” has given me a very thin theory that themes of cisheteronormavity will be at play as the story goes. Frank is the prince charming, while Julie is Cinderella – fated to be together when the story ends. Well, maybe it’s just Sally, being her over-the-top self and her reenacting a classic fairy tale with her personal spin, but I just can’t help but think harder about the implications of it. Frank is not a cishet man, and Julie is not a cishet woman. I have talked about it in this short writing I made about Eddie and Frank.

Frank is canonically nonbinary and gay. He and Eddie are each other's love interests, something that isn’t outright shown. One can argue that they don’t exactly “act” like a typical couple from what we’ve seen, and their interactions in WHPS’ audios and merchandises gives off the feeling that they’re amicable at best (referring to the link I embedded above). They are noticeably closer in the “answer” page, though. It is not certain that their relationship at the time WHPS was still going and before Welcome Home Restoration Project’s involvement was already established or they’re just starting to get to know each other – though many audios in the WHRP website leans more towards the latter. Either way, it reminds me of the way some queer people have to hide their relationships in public to avoid getting hate or persecution.

You know that one art of a terrified Frank with a bright red rectangle and many appendages surrounding him that can be found in the staff-only page? Regarding his status as the bookworm character, I have a feeling that the phrase “ignorance is bliss” will come at play here, subverting his character.

Poppy Partridge

This sweet, poor bird who is always shaken by everything around her. Poppy grew up in a nest with her family, though growing up to become the biggest bird out of everyone, eventually leaving the nest and moving into the neighborhood, living inside a barn and rarely leaving it because of her anxiety. Poppy is described to not be based on just one bird, as Clown said. She is said to be a mix of “flamingo from father’s side, hen from mother’s side”, fitting with how unique everyone is in the neighborhood.

It is heartwarming that she is surrounded by people who are understanding of her anxiety. Nobody makes fun of her fretfulness or forces her to be “more social”, Howdy brings her groceries to her barn, and she even has her own baking business! She’s not the greatest at the things she likes doing, but it’s nice to see that she founds joy in them.

Poppy is canonically a trans lesbian. She’s very close with Sally, whose personality is a stark contrast to hers. Poppy feels like she can trust Sally with handling the jobs she’s supposed to do and Sally encourages her to be more true to herself. Poppy feels at ease whenever she’s around Sally and even seems to act more flustered around her – a possible love interest between the two. It’s also cute that Sally likes to drag Poppy in her antics, with the latter not being too bothered about it. They trust each other very much. Also their dynamic is also just really good, y’know?

Connected to themes of freedom in this story, Poppy is a flightless bird, yet another symbol of her state of freedom as a puppet to Playfellow Workshop. Many birds have the ability to spread their wings and fly away to the places that they desire while Poppy cannot. Like the rest of the cast, her world is limited by the trees around the neighborhood. She also left her nest not because she has big dreams like Sally or ambitions like Howdy, but because of the circumstances she cannot control on her own.

As I’ve mentioned earlier, Poppy grew up to be the biggest bird out of her family and it became the reason why she left for the neighborhood. And when she got there, she prefers being inside her own barn instead of going around and socializing with everyone.

Howdy Pillar

Ohhh my god. This guy. He originates from an apple as a teensy little caterpillar, then leaving the place where he was raised in because of his dreams (similar to Sally, different to Poppy). He is shown to be very proud and confident in himself, having a clear ambition on opening his very own shop and takes great pride in what he does. He’s a great talker and can easily convince even the proudest people in the neighborhood to purchase his wares, and his character gives me the impression that he prefers being around people that understands his dreams.

I cannot find any notable queer readings regarding Howdy, but his interactions with Barnaby gives me the impression that they’re close to one another. Howdy considers Barnaby his favorite customer, and is seemingly happy that Barnaby is willing to listen to him ramble about his family gossips.

I do find connections between his physical appearance and the story’s themes of freedom.

In a caterpillar’s life, when they’re about to reach their adult stage and move on from their juvenile stage, they turn into butterflies. Not the case with Howdy. He’s an adult caterpillar whose family are a bunch of butterflies. Like Poppy, whose symbolism of lack of freedom is the same as Howdy's, he cannot turn into a butterfly and fly away from the grasp of Playfellow Workshop – outside the neighborhood, outside the town surrounded by colorful trees and dictated by scripts.

Unlike Poppy however, Clown mentioned that Howdy has the possibility of turning into a butterfly someday. Poppy is also an adult bird, the last stage of her life cycle, while Howdy is an adult caterpillar, the beginning stage of his life cycle. A possible foreshadowing for his fate regarding freedom later on…? Or maybe just a fun little trivia.

Barnaby B. Beagle

Barnaby, the comedic relief who's the most emotionally intelligent. The jokester who knows that something is amiss when the situation calls for it, the comedian who can be honest and straightforward in what he finds amusing and not, the humorist whose appearance is always met with cheers, claps, and boos, as if he’s the main character of a very long winded sitcom.

As far as I’ve noticed, there aren’t as many connections to themes of freedom regarding Barnaby as there is on other characters. Though I can say that Barnaby can stand his ground more than Eddie, another character who is usually put in situations where he gets the boot to the head and usually lets people do as they please. I cannot put these into concrete words, but Barnaby has an air of professionalism to him despite his character archetype being the comedic relief.

Barnaby is close with Howdy (see the writing regarding his character above!), sharing jokes and puns with him. Barnaby is also considered Howdy’s greatest customer, always making the latter crack up and their personalities bounce off one another really well.

Another resident that Barnaby shares a close bond with – closer even – is Wally. Barnaby is very close to Wally. They are best friends, and many art for Welcome Home depicts them together a lot of the time. Barnaby includes Wally in the things he does like getting hotdogs together or sharing jokes. Besides Home, Barnaby knows Wally the best. He is also quick to notice changes in Wally’s demeanor, getting concerned about him when he doesn’t react to his words the way Wally always does in the last “answer audio”.

Clown also said that in any universe, Barnaby and Wally will always become best friends. They are the definition of soulmates. Platonic, romantic, whatever you call it – but like I’ve said earlier, the puppets’ view on love are not as complicated as humans’, and I can say that they love each other deeply, simple and true as that. Like someone once said, they’ll find each other in any universe. This makes me fear for their relationship even more, given that Wally and Barnaby are most likely not near each other when WHPS ended.

Eddie Dear

Eddie! Neighborhood’s creative, kind, and hardworking mailman. He has a good eye on arts and craft, and is more than delighted to lead the viewers of the show with the things he wants to create.

As Clown have stated, Eddie is a gay man. I’ve covered most of the things I’ve said regarding their (blooming) romantic relationship in Frank’s section of this thinkpiece however, so I implore you to go back there if you don’t want me to rewrite the whole thing all over again here, haha!

A recurring trope with him is that despite his adherence to work ethics and schedules, Eddie tends to forget a lot of things. The Welcome Home website says that he hails from a town far away from the neighborhood, but he always gets the name of the town wrong and oftentimes mentions names of places that doesn’t exist. He talks to inanimate objects to aid his forgetfulness (also for endearing character traits) and Frank once suggested that he ties strings to the things he doesn’t want to forget, but this doesn’t always work. Eddie also doesn’t remember where he came from and his character profile says that he and the post office appeared out of nowhere one day.

Eddie is also accident-prone, always getting himself into situations (a bug landing on his paper chains, getting chased by Barnaby) and is mainly depicted as the unwilling comedian. Many of his character aspects are depicted as a source of comedy, even by himself. Eddie also has tendencies of prioritizing what others want before himself because of his even-tempered nature. So far, Eddie doesn’t express any serious frustration over this, but with the themes of agency recurring in this story, I’m afraid that it’s going to be a matter of time before we see Eddie express discomfort over this.

Throwback to what I have said: Frank is a smart person who constantly searches for logical answers to things, while Eddie is more laid back and isn’t very focused on finding the right answer and just wanting problems to be handled. This contrast on their personalities and how their backstories are foils of each other (Frank coming from unclear origins, Eddie not knowing the name of the place he’s from) make me think: Is ignorance bliss to Eddie?

Julie Joyful

The sunshine of the neighborhood! The bringer of rainbows in Welcome Home! Julie stays true to her surname, always depicted with a bright smile on her face. She is the one that can turn Frank’s frown upside down. She is the one that can bring a tinge of comedy in Sally’s tragic dramas.

Julie joins the side of the neighborhood that has clear origins. She once lived inside a cave with her siblings, but ultimately leaves under her own volition to find life for herself. Regardless, she is a character that is known for her constant interactions with other neighbors, notably Frank, her best friend.

Her friendship with Frank is extremely special for both of them – if you want to read about it, you should go to Frank's section of this thinkpiece as I've covered most of my thoughts about Frank and Julie's friendship there, but I want to add a few more things.

She is the "funny man" to Frank's "straight man", forming the neighborhood’s comedic duo. She drags him into her shenanigans, like the time they played “Business Woman In The Big City”. They’re also quite competitive when participating in the games that Julie conducts. She brings out the best in Frank, always making sure he feels included and happy in any activity they do. Julie is the “spontaneity” to Frank’s “routinity”. Julie is the “fun” to Frank’s “frown”. They’re inseparable from one another, like Barnaby with Wally.

As stated by Clown, Julie is genderfluid and bisexual. She doesn’t have a love interest set for her, but what’s important is that her character is emphasized with her connections with others. When Frank couldn’t play with her, she plays with Sally and enjoys spending time with her and even stars as the main character in many of the latter’s plays. There are lots of love inside her, after all! She is also said to be quite touchy with her friends, often hugging them and encouraging them to go through with the things they want to do. It doesn’t always have to be seen as “romantic”, like I’ve said before.

Onto her status as a puppet for Playfellow Workshop. Something funny is that Julie has a tendency to go off-script as shown from her interaction with Sally while practicing for a play. She has issues getting into the mood of her plays, making scenes that are supposed to be emotional… comedical, instead.

Is this supposed to symbolize something further? Is this habit of hers pointing towards how she’s going to express her unwillingness to be a mere cog in the big machine? The puppets are very much sentient, but I am not sure if they are aware if their actions in the WHPS episodes are controlled by the script. Time will tell, and perhaps, Julie too.

Home

Finally, we get to the last but one of the most important characters in this story – Home.

Home is the ninth residence of the neighborhood, though it’s not a puppet but a stationery character. It houses Wally, the main character of this story. Unlike the rest of the cast, Home talks in onomatopeias, like creaking its doors or opening its windows to produce sound as means of communication. Its eyes are very expressive and is constantly moving. Unlike other houses in the neighborhood, they’re very expressive.

Their importance isn’t only limited to being Wally’s house or being the only character in Welcome Home that cannot walk or talk.

The mobile characters of Welcome Home never expressed annoyance for Home’s non-verbal trait and instead put in effort to understand them and include them in their activities. They accommodate for Home, making sure they feel comfortable, wanted, and not left out. Home feels… at home around them.

Wally writes for Home to help it communicate and makes his canvas face Home whenever he’s painting, Julie teaches it how to hula hoop, Eddie makes small talk with Home, Barnaby makes jokes and laughs with Home, Frank tries to include home in games of chess, and so on! Home isn’t just a building like the rest of the cast’s houses. They are part of the family. It makes me so happy to see that their existence isn’t considered a burden or an annoyance or have their traits be seen as sources of comedy. It hits close to home for me as a physically disabled person.

Regarding the overarching story outside of WHPS, Home is a character that plays a significant part in Wally's journey. Wally loves Home dearly. He takes care of Home and makes sure he is in great condition. He is the caretaker for Home and becomes its communicator when the situation calls for it. In return, Home makes sure Wally is safe and sound inside their cavity and expresses their love for Wally through communication from creaking noises and even lightly squishing him between their door and door frame. Home is also quick to notice changes in Wally’s behavior and shows their concern for him, signifying just how deep their relationship is.

As I’ve mentioned many times before, their closeness cannot be boxed into the usual types of love humans are used to. You just know they are extremely linked to one another and that their relationship is not only important in WHPS, but also the story as a whole.

Home and Wally are inseparable from one another. They have their separate personalities and are distinguishable from one another, but ultimately they will always be one. Home is Wally’s fortress. Home is the shield to Wally’s sword. Home is the pericardium to Wally’s heart. After all, “Home is where the heart is”, right?

Afterwords

Yay! Whew! Congrats on making it to the afterwords! I’ve spent more than a week writing this whole thing and having my friend @rxveriecaeli proofread this thinkpiece (Morfe if you’re reading this I love you bestie). Huge HUGE shoutout to them because I’d be lost without them giving the finishing touches!

I know, some people will say that I’m reaching or thinking too much about this story, but hey! That’s why it’s called a thinkpiece and not a theory or concrete proof of X or Y. I cannot say that I’m 100% sure about where the story is heading or what Clown has in mind for certain characters, but I just want to think and love making connections and my brain just keeps producing questions after questions after questions. Are the feelings they have with each other theirs and not the byproduct of the script commanding them? I believe so.

What if Poppy is a flightless bird because she's based on Big Bird and not because it's an analogy for her not being able to fly freely away? What if Howdy is an adult caterpillar because he just IS and not because it's an analogy for not being able to turn into a butterfly that can fly? These options might be so, but even if Clown someday confirm that their design choices are simply because they're inspired by other puppet characters, I'm just happy that I manage to find symbolism that I can connect to their character designs.

I think it's too early to assume that the puppets are surely seeking freedom. At most, they just want to be saved from the tragic states they’re in, and Wally is on the lead. I mean, the show's canceled and they no longer live by following the scripts made for them! We don't even know the true fates of them aside from being nearly forgotten to time. And even if the puppets do achieve freedom, what will be of them? The producers aren't around anymore, the employees that treat them as toys but also take care of them aren't there anymore, and they have to fend for themselves in the big world.

I am not a native English speaker and I cannot put some of my thoughts into words both because of my language barrier and my ADHD. I do not intend on expressing malicious or harmful subtext through this writing, but do tell me if I had worded anything incorrectly and I will fix it. I would love to hear your thoughts about this thinkpiece too, so don’t hesitate to leave comments or tags in the reblogs (though please be patient with me!). Not that I will tolerate hateful or bigoted comments, however!

Please do not start accusing me of spreading the rhetoric that “being queer/neurodivergent is painful and constantly suffering and if you don’t suffer you are not part of those groups”! Being queer is fun and liberating. Being neurodivergent or disabled is something to take pride in. I’m proud of who I am and I encourage others to be so too. The experiences of queer/neurodivergent won’t always be easy, though, and I made this analysis and the correlating connections based on my own experience as a queer, autistic, and physically disabled person.

That being said, thank you for reading!

Fun little trivia! The characters' favorite colors form a rainbow when put in respective order, just like the colors of the original pride flag :]

#LONG POST AHEAD!!!#welcome home #welcome home puppet show #wally darling #sally starlet #frank frankly #poppy partridge #howdy pillar #barnaby b beagle #eddie dear #julie joyful #home #senja writing

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stuckinapril · 7 months

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i saw ur post on how there isnt rlly a big arab figure, and wow like. i think that if i had been younger and saw just one or two arab people on tv in a positive way, it would have helped me a LOT. like yeah. There ISNT a big singer or character or actor or model that’s arab. And now im sitting here wondering how many kids are going to be sitting and watching tv and just blocking out their arab heritage and culture because then they wouldnt be like their favorite singer or wtver.

Exactly. Exactly exactly exactly. I’ve full chest said this before, but I wasn’t always as attached to my Arab heritage as I am now. I actually grew up pretty distant from it all around, and it’s only in recent years that I started making a concerted effort to delve into it. And I can’t even blame it on my mom tbh, like I grew up in a lax household that allowed for ample self-expression. It was always the outside world that would make a little Arab girl like me question the worth of her ethnic roots—especially when Arabs are painted as terrorists at worst and as monocultural heathens at best where I’m from (hint: the USA). There is so much to unpack w being raised American but being ethnically Iraqi!! Because that means I literally hail from two countries!! A country that’s thirsty and a country that’s on fire!! But that’s a whole other loaded topic I could write a separate dissertation on.

I’d always have toxic thought loops like “I don’t look Arab enough” “I’m not religious but all the Arab girls I know are Muslim” on and on and on. And like I said in that ask, there was never an Arab American A lister for me to kind of have a frame of reference w. This is specifically an Arab issue too I feel like, bc a lot of brown people do have that star-studded figure to look up to growing up. We do not.

It’s kind of why I decided to be that for myself. I don’t need a cool Arab girl celebrity who’s into fashion or music. I’ll be that. I don’t need an Arab academia girl character. I’ll be that too. There’s no such thing as not looking Arab enough bc Arabs are so diverse. It’s okay that I’m not religious bc Arab culture is not solely defined by religion, and even if it were Arabs are not a hive mind and everyone engages w their culture in vastly different ways (which is okay!! It doesn’t make me any less Arab). I’ll literally just discard other people’s preconceived notions and trailblaze my own path!! I’ll be my own Arab girl representation. I refuse to fit myself into any preexisting mold. I like what I like and the rest just falls into place.

I think that’s why I’ve been so vocal about my Iraqi heritage lately… I’m literally healing my relationship w my roots in real time. Even advocating for Palestine is feeding into that in major ways. It’s legit all coming together for the first time in my life. Now I’m so proud to be Arab—to be Iraqi—that the idea that anyone could shame me for it is as incredulous as it is hilarious. Iraq is literally called the Cradle of Civilization & you want to make me feel BAD for being Arab… for being Iraqi… it’s just impossible bc I can’t imagine myself being anything else. I’m so content to have my multicultural background and to be who I am. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

It’s also cool that I have people following me, that they could also be exposed to diverse facets of Arab culture bc of that, but tbh a lot of this is also purely for me. I want the Iraq tag to be flooded w beautiful Iraqi poetry and beautiful Iraqi art and beautiful Iraqi cinema as I familiarize myself w Iraqi culture more and more, bc there’s so much more to it than the Iraqi War stats that pop up when you look it up on here.

I’m a 21 year old girl AND I’m Arab. That’s literally double the self-discovery to work through. Fortunately I think I’m finally cultivating a strong sense of self, so I really don’t think anything anyone has to say could deter me from my path (whether it be in terms of reconnecting w the beauty of my Arab heritage or legit just growing into my own). It’s not always perfect by any means, but I’ve made so much headway. And absolutely nothing could take away from that.

#I had a LOT of thoughts on this but thank u for giving me the opportunity to rly unravel this anon <3 <3 <3 #I still have a lot of things to go to therapy for lmao but suppressing my Arab roots is absolutely one thing I’ll never have to talk about #the confused Arab girl who was disconnected from her heritage is DEAD give me all the Iraqi history books I want to devour them all #ask #arab tag

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gothamslostboy · 1 year

Text

Dwayne W/ A Werewolf Mate

MICHAEL DAVID PAUL MARKO

A mix between David and Paul’s reactions

He wants to seek you out the second he senses you

Bc duh

Mate bond

But he’s nervous you’ll attack him

Or the boys

Orr that you have a pack that would attack them

So he spends a few hours watching from afar

Even though you know he’s there

And he knows you know

It’s kind of a stand off between who will summon the courage to approach the other first

It’s him

Dwayne followed you into a bookstore and saw you pick up three books on his tbr list

So he just had to talk about them with you

As soon as he approaches, you know he’s your mate

It was uncertain until he got close enough for you to get a good sniff

The two of you end up talking for hours

Getting some human food to snack on while you get to know eachother

This leads to more and more dates until you eventually meet the others

It goes…. Better than Dwayne expected

David only threatened to fight you instead of actually doing it so he sees it as a success

Once David starts to trust you it makes Dwayne even happier

You two have really great communication

But don’t often use words

Just by watching each others body language also using Dwayne’s scent in your case you know exactly how the other is feeling on any given day

Which is how you knew about Dwayne’s discomfort with your mortality

Stronger than a human, but not enough to beat Father Time

So you went to max

He was the head vampire after all, if anyone could figure this out it’d be him

You and Max worked for days to find something, hoping to suprise dwayne

Eventually you found a book of spells and rituals that did the trick

When he realized you were immortal now, Dwayne did a literal backflip off the fountain

Now that your safety is less of an issue, you two did some experiments to see if werewolves or vampires were better

All in good fun of course

Raced eachother in human and monster form

Hunted for prey

Punched solid rocks

Ya know typical relationship things

In the end you guys didn’t care who won, just enjoyed each other’s company

It wasn’t a total issue to switch from sleeping at night to during the day, but you struggled a bit

When it was time for bed, you find it more comfortable to sleep in wolf form

Dwayne pets your fur until you fall asleep and then uses you like a pillow

When it comes to the Emerson’s attack, you were the one who convinced the group to have an actual plan

The Frogs’ missed Marko’s heart by a few inches, so David put him in a hidden section of the cave while the 4 of you went to the house

Just in case

In wolf form, you approached first, a little before sundown, to distract nanook

Michael had just assumed you were a vampire too, and now assumed you were just a big ass dog

You convinced nanook to run off with you

Leading him to a cage in the woods set up earlier in order to turn him into a hell hound for Sam later

Next you snuck in the house and found laddie

He was like yours and Dwayne’s son, so you wanted to make sure he was safe before anyone else

Putting him on your back, you carefully made it back to the cave a little after it officially became night

Paul put him in charge of watching Marko and flew you to David and Dwayne

There, you four went one by one in capturing the ppl in the house, working together instead of separately

They were all except Star and Michael given a choice of being a vampire or werewolf

Sam and Allan chose vampire

Edgar chose werewolf

It took about a decade for the group to be fully peaceful

You mentored Edgar while Dwayne taught the other boys, eventually seeing them as your other 3 kids

Nanook turned out to be a pretty great hell hound, and a decent conversationalist

——— TAGS ———

@britany1997 @crustyboypix @g4ywastaken

@lazywerebat (hope you don’t mind the tag, thought you’d like this one:])

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pagodazz · 5 months

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spare patrick/michael andersen headcanons to cure my brainrot mayhaps?

are you a god send????? I have literally been sitting here rocking back and forth waiting for someone to ask for more of these PLEASE IM SOOO HAPPY TO PROVIDE!!!!

Recently I've been thinking a lot about how Michael and Patrick function as a "We", I think it's so interesting because all the other characters we deal with when they have an entity they want them out and are begging to be saved while it's just not like that with them.

they're able to communicate with each other and they're able to understand each other's needs. They're very dependent on each other or atleast Patrick is VERY dependent on Michael, which to be fair he's like a parasite, a chip in Michael's head, right??? Which is what I think separates them from everyone else, Patrick and Michael are not like Evan and HABIT, Evan is HABITs favorite toy, Patrick and Michael are MADE for each other.

Now I've even thought about what this means for dating and stuff HELP. as someone who has a stupid crack ship or Vinnie w these guys (but you can use this for ur own or just ignore this part of you don't see them in relationships), I've tried to find something that makes sense,, and it's pretty much just polyamory but your 2 boyfriends share a body. A two for the price of one type of deal HELP. I don't think Patrick is one to actively seek out romance but if it happens to be something that finds him, I don't think he'd have the strength to really push it away, him and Michael really only knows how to run. I think they'd be a package deal if you love one you have to love both because they're JUST THAT INTERTWINED. I don't see them as being very romantic with each other, but I can see them being so in touch with each others emotions that they can't help but feel the same things.

Michael would probably explain his situation to people and if they're not able to understand him and accept him he can't be with them because what is the POINT. If they don't accept him for all the shit he's got going on, they could never really even love him. And I think he would want Patrick to be loved too, he doesn't want him to be alone even if Patrick is with him, he knows it's just not enough sometimes.

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I think Michael would write stories when he was in the ward, him and Patrick would come up with ideas because the other kids would be too scared to talk to them. Instead of playing with the others Michael would hide off In a corner writing stories or just playing alone when in reality he's actually playing with Patrick. They would come up with endless stories and Michael knew he wouldn't share them with anyone else, except maybe Shaun.

The stories would probably be more true stories, even if Michael didn't know they were, Patrick would. Patrick obviously would wait a long time before ever revealing to Michael that they both truly know more than anyone could ever know. Michaels stories would be dark and violent, they'd be horror filled, he wouldn't be able to write about happy things, because he doesn't have anything happy to write about.

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MICHAEL ANDERSEN IS A STONER, it's easy for him and it feels good, even when he does too much and gets paranoid he's just glad his head isn't screaming at him and all he really has to worry about are the figures he see out of the corner of his eye, which he'd see if he was sober anyways.

I think he is a big fan of stuff from the 80s - early 2000s stuff. I think he'd have the original Xbox and a box tv. IM TALKING OLDD.

I think there's just something about it that's so him,,, AND HE WOULD SO OWN A PLAYSTATION ASWELL. he's such a gamer to me, he wants to make up for all the shit he missed out on.

I think he would really like this one hulk game "hulk ultimate destruction",,, I USED TO BE OBSESSED WITH THAT GAME AS I KID.

I like to think in my own slenderverse world Vinnie (& Shaun would too) would show Michael all these games and get him OBSESSED. he's definitely a my sims guy, NOT REGULAR SIMS,, IM TALKING THESE FUCKERS

I feel like he would absolutely ADORE THIS GAME. am I projecting?? absolutely. But they are SO HIM TO ME.

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have some pictures that make me think of Michael and Patrick

#i hope u liked thesee #I've been really busy these past few days im SO SORRY #slenderverse #mlandersen0 #patrick andersen #michael andersen #mla0 #🐍 ⦻

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m4golor · 2 months

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Boomer Headcanon dump because i Need to put these into text form or i will go insane

[under the cut because i talk too much]

her real name is Allegra (the music term, not the medicine LMAO) which I believe means fast in regards to tempo, which I think fits her (honestly I just chose the first name I thought of but I got attached to Allegra so whateverr)

her bday is July 4th

she associates her identity with Starlight Jubilee because of her bday - since she was young, her parties were usually done jointly with Starlight BBQ cookouts, and the nights often involved watching the fireworks from the roof w her siblings, causing her to associate herself with the fireworks, festivities, and then the holiday as a whole

she has a big family, like a shitton of siblings - Boomer is probably the middle child. as a result her parents' eyes weren't often on her and she had a distant relationship with them

they didn't abuse her or neglect her shes just ignored but it did affect her longterm

as a result of her neglect she really really likes attention, and especially did when she first started professionally being a daredevil

after a good couple of years (and getting into a couple of accidents along the way), she starts tiring from attention in the sense that she feels a little bit like people put her on a pedestal and think of her as invincible and untouchable in a way? like they can't separate her as a daredevil from her as a normal person and she's just Boomer the World-Famous Daredevil all the time so she gave up and keeps her persona on all the time but is internally Not okay

handles public attention well but can get overstimulated by the paparazzi and social interaction and it makes her snappy and temperamental. like if she's trying to do something like shopping and people are trying to talk to her or ask for autographs she gets pissed off, therefore people see her as always having a short fuse which is Not true

lots of scars. all over. like maybe burn scars (from friction or pyrotechnics) and scrapes. she hides them to make her not look weak though I think if you looked at her hands hard enough you'd notice them there

probably also hearing loss from explosives/sfx [think i got this one from somewhere else]

she's a closer in the first two games she appears in (I think wing and hot dog) and then never again because when she started doing stunts professionally she had a major superiority complex and mighter than thou attitude + was figuring her life out

after those two games she Gets her Shit Together™ and mellows out + reasons mentioned above about being a "normal person".

her greatest fear is getting into an accident that results in her being unable to do stunts - like, dying, okay, fine, it's inevitable, but losing the one thing that carried her through her life to this point would wreck her

this fear causes her to stress out over hers' and by projection others' safety like crazy. like if you don't wear your seat belt in the car she's not driving/going with you, and she yells at kids to wear helmets when they're biking (and they yell ok Boomer back and she cries for an hour /j)

she has two places of residence: one in Starlight City that's like almost a mansion and has an outdoor pool where she keeps her Powseekers, and a small apartment in Toastwood

the latter is her delivery address and her main place of residence. she stays in Starlight City during Jubilee/BBQ and throws kickass parties in her bigass house

the Powseekers in that one 4th of July post are her pets, I doodled them here lol. she just has them

money she makes from her stunt shows goes to charity, usually health-related ones like the ones for hospitals or kids' health

friends with Akari, they go on girlie motorbike dates (please don't yell at me about boomerakari or whatever the ship name is /lh)

probably calls people 'hun' in a platonic way when she's in a good mood

her favorite color isn't red, white, or blue. its probably purple or some shit

knows how to make those cute little paper lucky stars out of ribbons

um thanks for reading!! send post

#flipline boomer #flipline studios #flipline headcanons #probably a little bit of projection in there somewhere whoopsies!! juuust a smidgen #I feel like whenever I make headcanons they're so barebones sorry if like 90% of this is just obvious implied canon or something)#let me know if i need to tag something im bad at this still #FHUCK I CALLED THE BOMP POP FISH THE WRONG NAME i fixed it #op is very normal about boomer

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yellowocaballero · 8 months

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on one hand, idk how flayn might've helped in the breakdown dimitri had, other than maybe having more experience w the human condition bc she's longer-lived. On the other... I am choosing to find it hilarious that right after she temporarily leaves to go help seteth, the blue lions are confronted w how Not Okay dimitri and their general situation is... Lol

HAH YEAH. I think Flayn is a weird sort of character where she's halfway between the children and the adults. I think in some ways I felt as if she was auditing the classes. Still 100% a Blue Lion, but undoubtedly in a very different situation than the rest and coming from a very different place. Petra's the same - I wrote the two late joiners as very much having their own stories that intersect significantly with the BL. Dedue was here from the start, but I don't think he ever becomes actual friends with Ingrid, Sylvain, and Felix, so he entered the academy pretty isolated.

I didn't want to homogenize the characters and give them the exact same relationship with each other and the cult BL, so different characters absolutely put a lot of their identity into the cult (the kids who were childhood friends and the kids from broken homes, mostly) and others just have intersecting lives (the outsider kids). They all care for each other the same (for reasons I'll reveal next chapter which I personally think are VERY funny), but each character has a separate reason why they need the BL found family, and if they need it or just want it.

I don't think Flayn would have known how to help at the time. I think she would have been pretty frightened, but not devastated or terrified like a lot of the other BL. Her sense of self isn't tied up in Dimitri, unlike a lot of her classmates lol. But Flayn's relationship with Dimitri becomes important, and we'll see much more of it next chapter. Dimitri's relationships with everybody in the BL changes drastically once he gets severely sick. Again, we'll see more of it.

I don't think I've mentioned this yet, but we're done closely following the game. Part 1 basically set up why the big canon divergent thing happens, and then during the timeskip the big canon divergent thing happens and then Part 2 is absolutely different. Good news for readers unfamiliar with the game I guess lol. Thanks for the ask - I'm super looking forward to posting the next chapter!

#my writing #my asks #what i liked about the BL dynamics #is that there would be discrete reasons why all of them #would pour their entire lives and identities into each other #and byleth.#because byleth provides them an adult who cares and a family who accepts you #kids need that.#the cult is so. good thing? bad thing?#i do think holistically good thing. as we see.#but it happened for bad reasons.#again like byleth ripped any sense of normalacy from these kids #but they're alive so!! was it really for the worse!!!#it's complex.

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skippyv20 · 1 year

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Italy 24 Press News

Who is Chris Sanchez, the alleged lover of Meghan Markle is the former bodyguard of Obama and Bush

Monday 28th November 2022 07:49 AM

Christopher Sanchez is the man with whom Meghan Markle allegedly cheated on Prince Harry. For years active in the secret services, he has escorted President Bush and also Obama. Since he was a boy he dreamed of being able to do this job, since in high school he saw for the first time the movie “In the line of fire” where Clint Eastwood was an incredible bodyguard.

Christopher Sanchez, photo from LinkedIn

The name of Christopher Sanchez has now become famous after the gossip spread about the alleged flirtation that sees him involved with Meghan Markle, from which several years of difference separate her, although the precise date of his birth is not known. For years you have been involved in preserving the safety of well-known personalities, including former US President Barack Obama. While maintaining a certain confidentiality about his private life, this is what is known of the man who, according to the American tabloids, would have unleashed the marriage crisis of the Dukes of Sussex.

Who is Chris Sanchez, the bodyguard career

Born in Houston, Texas, Christopher Sanchez is the son of a firefighter and from an early age he developed a strong sense of duty, as well as a desire to do something with his life that was useful to the community. After attending university for a while, he decides to join the police force of his hometown, but after three years of service as a patrol officer in the toughest areas of the city, he decides to change his life and become a bodyguard . The desire to change jobs was already latent in Sanchez, since he watched the movie as a kid “In The Line Of Fire“, where Clint Eastwood played John Malcovich’s bodyguard, he had built the dream of one day joining the secret services.

Speaking on the Always Moving Forward podcast, hosted by ex-British soldier Glen Burton, Sanchez said he applied to a reputable intelligence agency to become a special agent, where he was employed and spent 14 “fantastic” years. In those years he was in the service of George W. Bush and Barack Obama:

I spent five years with the president and was lucky enough to be there during a transition, so I spent the last two and a half years with President Bush and the first two and a half years with President Obama. I was just grateful to be a part of it.

He now appears as vice president of the company Torchstone Global, which deals with security but in the private sector where, he said during the interview, the risk is even higher, because it is necessary to protect even the smallest details of one’s customers. And that’s how Sanchez got to Prince Harry and his wife Meghan Markle.

Meghan Markle’s alleged flirtation with Chris Sanchez

The indiscretion according to which Christopher Sanchez and Meghan Markle had a flirt was launched by the weekly InTouch, according to which the former actress and the bodyguard would have embarked on a relationship for some timealthough only six months ago he would have started his service as the couple’s agent.

The two would have been caught together by Prince Harrycalled from the school of little Archie who had not been recovered by the Duchess of Sussex at the end of the lessons.

The second son of King Charles III would have already considered the idea of divorcing, after a furious argument between the couple which took place in the luxurious house of Monte Cito, in the presence of Sanchez. No comments, so far, from those directly involved, but if what was declared by the tabloids were true, it would not be only the family of the Dukes that would be shattered, since Christopher Sanchez also has a family with two children behind him

Who is Chris Sanchez, the alleged lover of Meghan Markle is the former bodyguard of Obama and Bushhttps://news.italy24.press/trends/228800.htmlpl

Thank you! I am sure he is at a discounted price….😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

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luckyqueenreign · 2 years

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The Story of Us - is a four-part series that will delve into MC (Gemma) and Suresh's relationship pre-villa.

Part One: The Beginning of The End

Part Two: The Night It All Ended is out now and you can click the link to read it ^^

"The story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now"

Tag List: @future-mrs-suresh @squishy-noodles @hi-im-karla @kunepie @fujihime-litg @brasister @kvngdomheartz @katsie @0shewrites0 @whati390 @smexilexi420 @viperidae94 @abecerra611 @misterytull

(Let me know if you want to be added to tag list)

Gemma couldn’t breathe. It felt like the time she and her older brother, Luke, were playing soccer and he tackled her hard, knocking the wind right out of her. She sat here now in the living room of her childhood home with the same stunned silence, not remembering how to draw a breath.

“Gemma? Honey, are you ok?” her mother Elle said as she stroked a loose strand of hair out of her face.

“Gem, this is just a temporary separation. Your mother and I have been arguing a lot and we thought some time apart might be good for us,” her father Will said, squeezing her hand that had gone numb from the shock.

Temporary separation. Temporary separation. Temporary separation. She tossed the words around so many times in her mind that they had become a jumbled mess.

Gemma couldn’t comprehend why they would ever need a temporary separation after 30 years of a seemingly happy relationship.

“B-but w-why?” she finally said as tears rolled down her face.

“Darling it’s complicated but your father and I are planning on going to therapy to work through it. We just need a little time apart first.”

“This doesn’t make any sense!” Gemma said exasperated as she got up quickly and headed towards the door.

“Gemma, quit acting like a petulant child and have a conversation with your mother and I,” Will said.

But she slammed the door behind her and raced to her car. Tears burned her face as she drove away.

Temporary separation.

She didn’t understand this. Her parents were always so happy, doting on one another, holding hands and stealing kisses when they thought the kids weren’t looking. Gemma always watched them in admiration, hoping and wishing on every star in the sky that one day she would have a relationship like theirs. And now that was all supposed to just be over?

Temporary separation.

“Luke,” she said crying into her phone. “Did you talk to mom and dad?”

“Yeah G, are you crying?” he said.

“Of course I’m crying! Our parents are basically getting a divorce and you’re calm?!”

“They said it was temporary to sort through their issues. Honestly, it sounded pretty healthy to me,” Luke said.

“What? Are you serious right now?”

“Gemma, they’re both adults. If being single is ultimately what will make them both happy, I'll support them. And you should stop being so selfish and support them too…you’re an adult now Gem -” She didn’t let her brother finish his thought, she hung up the phone in a fury tossing it on the passenger seat.

When she got home, she immediately removed her jeans and top, opting for her stretchy sweatpants and Suresh’s law school sweatshirt. It was still the early afternoon, but she crawled into bed hugging her pillows, letting herself cry. Gemma wanted to be alone in her thoughts and so she didn’t call Suresh to tell him about her parents’ separation, but she could hear him unlocking the door to her apartment and making his way inside.

“Gem?” He said, poking his head in her room and seeing if she was in there. When he saw her, he rushed over and climbed into bed with her. He moved the pillows she was hugging and pulled her onto his chest and held her close.

“R-resh…they’re…they’re…separating,” She said through sobs.

“Shhh, babe it’s ok. Everything is going to be ok,” he said, stroking her hair.

They stayed this way for what seemed like hours, with Suresh gently stroking her hair and her crying into his chest. At first, it was exactly what Gemma wanted, what she needed. Someone to be here for her in her hardest time. But then the heaviness of the day seemed to dawn on her and she couldn’t stop the train of negative thoughts from infiltrating her mind.

If my parents could separate after 30 years, who’s to say Suresh won’t leave me too?

She looked at him and he looked down at her with loving but worried eyes.

What am I going to do if he leaves me?

“How are you feeling, babe?” he asked.

I feel like you’re going to leave me.

“Still processing, but very sad,” she said.

Because one day, you’re going to wake up and realize I’m not what you want anymore.

Suresh kissed her forehead and hugged her tightly.

“Babe, I’m here for you and I love you so much. You know that, right?” he asked.

I love him so much, the thought of losing him literally makes my bones ache.

“I love you too, Resh,” she said as she snuggled closer, burying her face in his neck hoping that if she closed her eyes tight enough and breathed in the scent of his sandalwood cologne, the negative thoughts would just go away. But they didn’t. If anything, they only intensified.

In the morning, Gemma woke up to Suresh lightly kissing her jawline, when he realized she was awake, he gently pressed his lips on hers. He delicately traced her bottom lip with his tongue, waiting for her to let him enter. When she opened her mouth slightly, Suresh intensified the kiss, snaking his hand on her lower back and bringing her closer to him. Gemma lost herself in the kiss, hungrily reaching for Suresh she wrapped her arms around his body. She could already feel how hard he was as he pressed his arousal on her thigh. Normally this would have driven her mad and she would have climbed on top of him, but today she couldn’t concentrate.

It’s only a matter of time before he leaves you. Sex won’t save you.

Gemma pulled back from the kiss, gasping for air.

“Resh wait…I’m not in the mood right now.”

Suresh laughed as he kissed her neck, whispering, “Are you sure?” This time he moved his body a few inches over and pressed his arousal into the center of her sweatpants, right above her slit. He teased her playfully by motioning it in circles and pressing into her.

He never listens to you. He only does what he wants to do. He’ll do that until he leaves.

“Stop Suresh! I said I wasn’t in the mood.” She said as she pushed him off of her and got up from the bed.

“Babe, wait I’m sorry,” Suresh said with a mixture of confusion and hurt in his voice.

“I need to take a shower,” she said, slamming the door shut behind her and quickly locking it.

He doesn’t care, he’s not sorry.

Gemma turned the shower on and tried to drown out her negative thoughts but they were so loud and impossible to ignore.

As she made her way out of the bathroom, she could hear Suresh busying himself in her kitchen, cooking them breakfast like he did most mornings. She always loved sneaking up behind him and curling her arms around his waist, something about that always felt like home to her. Like he was her safe haven. But today she wanted to run far away from him. He was a constant reminder of everything she could lose, and she couldn’t bear to face him. She quickly got dressed and started to rush out of her apartment.

“G…where are you going?” He said from the hallway. “I made breakfast.”

“I’m sorry. I have to go.”

She rushed out before he could see the tears welling up in her eyes and before she even had a chance to say goodbye. She was too fragile right now to deal with both the voices in her head and her parents’ relationship problems. She drove in a haze to her office, and when she arrived she broke down and cried again. This time, not just for the demise of her parents’ relationship but how she treated Suresh that morning as well. She knew he was only trying to make her feel better and that he loved her but she could feel herself creating a protective distance away from him.

Over the next two weeks, Suresh tried everything to make Gemma feel better but nothing he did could possibly change the fact that she was struggling with her parents’ decision to separate.

“Suresh, I can’t talk, I'm about to walk into a meeting,” she said, angling her cell phone on her shoulder while shuffling papers in front of her.

“I’ll be quick…I made a reservation for dinner tonight. I’ll pick you up at 8,” he said.

“Resh…”

“8PM Gem. I haven’t seen you all week. I miss you.”

“I miss you too, Resh.”

And she did miss him terribly. But the voices in her head that kept shouting her insecurities back at her, were quieter when he wasn’t around. As she drove home that night she mentally prepared herself for the night ahead, but a big part of her just didn’t feel like getting dressed up and going out tonight. She craved the safety and solace of her apartment, her too-old gray sweatpants and a steaming cup of tea. All she wanted to do tonight was curl up on the couch with Suresh, order take-out and finally talk and be together. She knew she had been pushing him away these last few weeks and she wanted to fix that tonight, show him how much she cared for him and loved him. But she didn’t need a fancy dress or a fancy restaurant to do that and she thought he’d understand. So when she got home, instead of changing into the new dress that he had purchased and was waiting for her when she arrived, she showered and changed into an old t-shirt and sweatpants. She ordered his favorite dishes from three different restaurants and she set the table for their feast. It wasn’t their original plan for tonight, but it was still going to be a chance for them to reconnect.

“Gemma, what is this?” Suresh asked, looking at her confused and slightly angry.

She looked up, she had been so distracted she hadn’t heard him come into the apartment.

“Oh, I changed my mind and thought we could stay in tonight.”

Suresh ran his fingers ponderously through his hair, his bicep bulging against his sleeve as he raised his arm.

“Gemma I planned a whole night. I bought you a new dress. Didn’t you get it?” he said with an edge in his voice.

“Yes, Resh but I just wanted to…”

“You wanted to what Gemma? Cancel our plans again? For the fourth time this week. At least the other times you texted me beforehand and didn’t have me show up like a mug,” he snapped at her.

“Resh…”

“No Gemma, I'm not done. You’ve been pulling away from me for weeks since your parents separated and it’s not fair. I’ve tried everything to show you that I love you and that I’m here for you but you keep pushing me away. We aren’t your parents Gemma. Why are you letting their decisions ruin what we have?” he growled.

She snapped out of her initial shock and glared at him.

“You love me? You’re here for me? But you can’t stay in one fucking night with me!? How are you showing me that you care?” She spat as she inched closer to him. “Let me remind you Suresh, my parents were married for 30 years, their vows were for better or for worse and right now I’m at my worst and you act like this. How could I possibly have any faith in what we have, when we’re not even strong enough to withstand this?”

Gemma could see a flicker of sadness cross Suresh’s eyes but then it was gone and replaced by his cold glare.

“WE ARE NOT YOUR PARENTS, GEMMA,” he yelled. “Why can’t you see that?” He didn't give her a chance to respond, he stormed out of her apartment slamming the door behind him, leaving Gemma alone.

What have you done? You pushed away the one good thing in your life.

Standing there in shock, Gemma didn’t try to hold back the tears that scorched her face. She knew she had created an unnecessary wedge between her and Suresh and that it was all her fault. She wasn’t her mom and Suresh wasn’t her dad. Their relationship wasn’t the same, so why did she feel the need to compare the two? She grabbed her phone and tried calling Suresh a few times but he ignored every attempt, so she tried texting him instead.

G: Babe I’m sorry you’re right…come back please

G: i love u resh i didnt want to go out but i still wanted to see you tonight i ordered from all your favorite places

G: Babe please don’t be like this. I’m sorry i have been pushing you away but i promise you that im done. I dont want to lose you

G: I’m going to make it up to you

But her messages weren’t going through. Where they were normally blue with the tiny font saying delivered underneath, they were now green. She hated that green bubble, it meant he shut off his phone for the night. Shut her off for the night. She hated that she didn’t know where she stood with him and she hated even more that she was the reason for that. She had pushed him away for weeks, had canceled their plans at the last minute and she was starting to see what a mistake that had all been.

Suresh loved her and he’d been trying to show her that in different ways recently and she’d been so unappreciative towards him. She needed a plan to rectify everything. A grand gesture. Something that would show him that he meant the world to her. And that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. She wasn’t going to lose Suresh, he was the greatest love of her life, and even though she hadn’t been acting that way towards him lately she knew what she had to do. Gemma ran to her laptop and started to google jewelry stores in Edinburgh.

#litg ff #litg suresh #litg mc #litg #litg ex in the villa #litg s5 #love island the game #ex in the villa #litg fanfic #litg fanfiction #luckyqueenreign

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