#uhhh to be totally honest though nothing in particular?

[diluc33rpm]

that last ask was the first one in this series to make me cry. i wanna go liter for this next batch to balance out but i only have seven questions left and they're all some flavour of sad except this one:

1/2 What are your plans for this weekend?

oh just these ones

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #332

i’m even more tired than before to try and think up song lyrics, i’m pasting from Word and then fucking off to bed lmao.

What was the last video message you received on your phone? I think it was a clip of Doris (Sara's beardie) eating and just being her perfect self? Was your last birthday cake homemade or store bought? Store-bought. One thing you miss about middle school? Shit, nothing. Middle school was the worst. Do you have any shirts signed by famous people? No. Have you ever entered an art competition? Yes. Would you ever pierce yourself? No. I am very much about having a professional do your body mods/art. Plus, I have tremors in my hands. Do you live in a safe neighbourhood? Supposedly. We haven't lived here nearly long enough to know. What is the last thing you did that shocked someone? /shrug Do you often find yourself questioning your future? Only always. Have you ever been for a ride in the back of a truck? Yeah. Do you like your license photo? I hate my permit picture. Are you into superheroes? Who’s your favorite? Not very, but I like 'em enough. I always say my favorite is Deadpool, but I know he's technically an anti-hero, but whatever. If you don't include him, uhhhh... maybe Spiderman. Have you started watching any new TV shows recently? No. Have you ever been able pet a normally wild animal, like a tiger or dolphin? No. :( At least, not to my recollection. Have you ever eaten snow? Yeah. There's actually a winter treat 'round here that you make with snow and sugar called snow cream. Good stuff. What is the messiest area in your home? Right now, the spare room/my wanna-be "office." What’s your favorite computer game genre? Still horror, like video games. Do you have any exes your parents never liked? No. Have you received financial help from your parents in the past 5 years? I'm completely financially dependent on them still. Are you a fast or a slow eater? I eat like, stupid fast, but without being messy. People *cough*Mom*cough* will absolutely point it out, but I seriously can't help it. Making a conscious effort to eat slow feels way too weird. What was the last thing you purchased from a small local business? I don't know. Is there anyone in your family/household whom you frequently argue with? No. Have you ever used chewing tobacco? Ew, no. Tell me what's on your mind? I've been considering yet again reaching out to some tattoo parlors and asking if they're open to hiring someone to handle the front desk and take care of business besides actually performing piercing and tattooing, given my tremors. My group therapy has kinda been encouraging me to use the possibility for social exposure, and besides, I'm very comfortable in the environment and just general aura of tat parlors. I'm sure I'd have to answer the phone, handle money, and obviously talk to costumers, but I know and accept that. I've been at such a stagnant point with my social anxiety in particular that I have to start pushing back harder, and doing this I feel would be one of the most relaxed, social job positions I can hopefully handle. I don't dare to even try this though until I get vaccinated to protect my immunocompromised mom. Writing this all out has actually been pretty encouraging about this idea... Do you wish you never dated someone you dated? Yeah, Tyler. It was such a "I'm lonely and he was nice in high school, so we'll try it" situation. I got nothing from it. Are you scared of growing old alone? Pretty badly. What are you listening to right now? I'm listening to/semi-watching John Wolfe play the remaster of Resident Evil 2. What breed was the last dog you saw? He was a German shepherd. Would you ever go swimming during a thunderstorm? No. Any time a thunderstorm was brewing and I was in the pool, I'd always get out. What is the next concert you will attend? Mom and I plan to see Ozzy when/if he reschedules his tour after he had to cancel with his Parkinson's diagnosis. What was the name of the last pet of yours that died? Teddy. :/ What's the highest science class you have taken? I don't know, actually. What makes you squeal like a school girl? No shame, seeing Mark and Amy do something cute together actually does this, lmao. What’s your favorite symbol? (i.e. the pentagram, the cross, etc.) Do fictional ones count? Because in that case, the Halo of the Sun from the Silent Hill franchise. I'm getting it tattooed somewhere at some point, I'm thinking the left side of my neck. I'm either gonna fashion it in a way where it looks branded on or carved into me. Have you ever been on anti depressants? For all of my pre-teen, teen, and some of my adult life. Apparently, I've only had one truly educated psychiatrist out of no less than a dozen I'd seen, because he fixed me right up. He taught me that those who suffer from bipolarity should avoid anti-depressants; they ramp up your bipolar symptoms. Instead, mood stabilizers are favorable. And what do you know, after I was prescribed a stabilizer and a catalyst for that medication, my depression decreased dramatically and became handleable. Have you ever starved yourself? Kinda. What’s the stupidest name you’ve ever given a pet? I had a guinea pig named Harry Potter. For no particular reason lmao. I'm not even a Harry Potter fan. Do you have nice legs? God no. Do you like fedoras? Okay so I know I am in the strong minority, but I actually do, haha. What is your favorite food group? Carbs. @_@ Have you ever got told that you should be a model? No, but one of the most flattering indirect compliments I've ever gotten was being mistaken for one. Jason's phone wallpaper was one of my favorite pictures of myself with my first snake, and someone asked him if I was a model. ;v;' What song is in a language you don’t speak, but you love it anyway? "Donaukinder" by Rammstein is one of my faves. Who’s a villain you sympathize with and why? SOBS Darkiplier bc his origins are so damn tragic and unfair. What book do you think should be directed as a film? Was The Giver ever made into one? I don't remember that book well, but I do recall it being absolutely beautiful. Have you ever found a stranger’s note somewhere? If so, what did it say? No. Have you ever edited Wikipedia? No. Have you ever edited any other wiki? Yeah. I have thousands on the Silent Hill wiki, where I'm one of the admins. I'm also a content moderator at the Team Ico (Shadow of the Colossus devs) one. Every now and again I used to go on the meerkats wiki as well, where I mainly fixed the fucking nightmarish grammar. Very briefly, I edited at the Dragons of Atlantis wiki as well. Do you get scared when you know some virus or sickness is being passed? Not very, but of course I still acknowledge the risk and am more conscious of hand washing and stuff. What popular social media platforms AREN’T you on? Snapchat, I don't actually use my Twitter, I don't have a personal Instagram... There may be more, idk. Is TikTok a "social media platform?" Because I don't have that, either. What was the name of the first porcelien doll you got? Never had one, given I was afraid of dolls as a kid. What’s your favorite Paramore song? "Decode." Would you be happy with a life without romance? To be entirely honest, I'd feel like I was missing something. Was your childhood happy? Mostly. What fundamentally matters do you? Love, kindness, peace, all that gooey stuff. Is true world peace ever possible? As much as I hate to admit it, I don't think so. The human population is far too big to come to a unanimous agreement on anything. Do you hold yourself to higher standards than you hold others? Yeah. Would you ever own a pet black widow spider? No. I'm getting more into the idea of owning invertebrates (I jabber enough about wanting tarantulas, and there are others, like mantises, I'm interested in as pets), but black widows, I'm not into the idea of having. Too venomous for me to be comfortable risking. If you have a job, what is the longest shift that you've worked? N/A Do you know all of the words to "Bohemian Rhapsody?" FUCK YES I DO. ^ Do you sing it with all of the different voices? sho nuff Do you own more than one copy of a certain book? No. Do you like interpreting poetry or just reading it for fun? Both. I love symbolism, so I get joy out of digging for subtle meanings in poems. Do you have a favorite Dr. Suess book? Yeah, it was always Green Eggs and Ham. Do you watch The Walking Dead? If so, favorite character? Not the show, but I've watched let's plays of the games, haha. In which case Clementine is inarguably one of the best female characters in a video game universe. Who has/had the most mature romantic relationship you’ve seen with your own eyes? Uhhh. I mean I never saw them much, but probably my late grandmother and her last husband. He was fucking incredible to her, and Grammy adored him as well. They helped each other so much and just obviously had the purest love between them. When was the last time you got something for free (legally)? What was it & have you enjoyed it so far? Lmao do balls in Pokemon GO count? Their occasional free boxes are the reason I can play the game because PokeStops are essentially non-existent here, so yes. What is the one fruit you can’t stand to eat? How about vegetable? The first one that came to me were oranges. I enjoy orange juice, but I just caaaaannot with the white veiny shit that you can't totally get off when peeling it. Without that, I might actually enjoy them, but idk. As for vegetable, asparagus is absolutely abhorrent. When’s the last time you actually recited the pledge? If you aren’t American, do/did you have anything similar in your country that you do during a time at school? Probably not since high school. Last person you shared food with? Ummm I have no idea. It's really just Mom and me here and we eat our own stuff. What was the last song you heard for the first time and enjoyed? I believe it waaas... "Down In The Park" by Marilyn Manson, maybe. If your life was a TV show, what would be the theme song? My inner high school emo just screamed "All Signs Point to Lauderdale" by AD2R. Who are some of your favorite female fictional characters, and why? Gahdamn, there's a lot. I don't feel like going through a mental list in my head and then describing why. A character (in anything) you wish hadn’t been killed off? Vol'jin; I think the entire WoW fanbase will forever be pissed about it. It was THE most "lul we dunno what 2 do w/ him anymore, let's let a totally random, unnamed, unimportant demon kill him" like what the fuck, Blizz. Most of his "oomph" was in the book, and I just really wish they'd done so much more with him in the game. Has anything “cute” happened in the past week? Off the top of me noggin, no. When did you last say “I love you”? Did you mean it? Yesterday to Sara. OF course I did. Is there someone who pops into your mind at random times? Hi, PTSD, how are ya. Have you ever slept all day? Essentially. When I was on a larger dose of my anxiety med, I physically couldn't stay up for barely even five minutes, and when I'd lie back down, boom, I was OUT. I stayed on that dosage for I think just that one day, it was so bad. Can you have kids? Well, I have a functioning menstrual cycle, so I would assume so. Doesn't mean I will, though. What colors of mascara have you worn on your lashes? Only black. Do you like eating sour things? Hell yeah, I love sour stuff, candy in particular. Do you like pickles? fuuuuck yeah Did you ever have a really close friend move away? Yeah, in elementary school. I feel bad I can't remember her name at the moment... What's the most creative thing you've ever done? I mean, I guess the things I've written in RP. What's the most creative thing someone has done for you? For me? I don't really know. Do you like to watch ghost-hunting shows? Sure, they're some of my favorites. What’s something you’d like to be better at? Social interaction. Have you ever stayed up to talk to someone who was sad? Yeah. Do you think you would make a good parent? No. I know I wouldn't. The only time I ever wanted kids was with Jason, and honestly, I really hope I don't end up with a man because I never want to deal with that urge again and make a mistake. I'm just in no way emotionally fit to be a mother. How many best friends do you have? Just one. What do you cry over the most? My PTSD, honestly. I never sob about it anymore, just shed some tears. What language did/do you take in high school? Latin for one semester, then all four available for German. Which sports do you follow? None. Who was the last person you talked about marriage or having kids with? About marriage, Sara. Kids, the subject was lightly touched upon with Girt, though "with" was never a part of it, but obviously implied seeing as we were dating with long-term in mind. Have you ever been in a house fire? No, thankfully. Have you ever made out for one straight hour? them is rookie numbers Are you any good at remembering phone numbers? No. I literally don't even know my own, nor my mother's. I need to fix that. Who is your best friend of the opposite sex? Girt. Do you have a bookshelf? If so, just one or how many? No. If I gave you twenty bucks what would you do with it? Save it to go towards Venus' terrarium. Is there a movie from your childhood that you still watch today? Well of course! I'm unashamed to watch any "kids" movie I enjoy, like Disney ones. Most "kids" movies tend to be better than those intended for adults, it seems... Are you afraid of mice? Oh no, I adore mice and I think had a pair as pets before I got rats. What type of souvenir do you usually purchase when on vacation? I can't really answer this; I haven't gone on nearly enough vacations to develop a theme. I can say confidently though it'd probably be something small. If you could see any musical on Broadway right now, what would it be? I don't enjoy musicals. Have you ever watched Doctor Who? One or two with Sara, yes. I know we at least watched the weeping angels episode. If you read, which book or series did you enjoy most as a child? Warriors by S.E. Hinton. Sometimes I wanna get back into them, but I am YEARS behind and more into Wings of Fire anyway, so. I don't read nearly enough for both. How do you get rid of your hiccups? Literally no trick seems to work for me. I just suffer lmao.

[my-arlington-academia]

Ellie happy birthday fanfic!! 🎉🎁📚📖

Well, by now you know the drill! Scholar is back to being a he in this one, I'm constantly switching it up! On a side note, since we're in June but still quarantined, the teachers are sending us a lot of work to finish up the year so I have less time than usual to write this! 😖 (I mean I guess I could just put it off and write it after but I can’t be late my whole life now can I?) Hopefully it won't be bad though! Please tell me what you think, I'm okay with anything at this point tbh. You guys can just leave me with a key smash and I'll be super happy 😂

-----------------------------------------------

Ellie looked at the exam schedule, and like every single year she got annoyed with just a glance.

“Being born in June sucks...”

She muttered quietly enough so the teacher wouldn’t hear but loud enough so her friends seated next to her could. Tyler gently tapped her shoulder, clearly he wanted to cheer her up but it is unfortunate that every year her birthday coincides with the exam period. He tried to bring her morale up nonetheless.

“Don’t sweat it, we’ll throw down a party once the exams are over! We’ll invite everyone, this way we’ll all have something to look forward to! That’s even bette-”

“Mr. Williams, if you’re any louder than this then I’m afraid I won’t be able to go through every single piece of advice I have to give you before the end of this period.”

As much as Tyler wanted to go on and ignore the teacher’s warning, like he usually does, his reasoning got the better of him and rightfully so. It would be extremely stupid to get an unpleasant note in his school file just before the exams. Though the “pieces of advice” weren’t any more useful than usual. It was all the same generic tips teachers give knowing fully well that many students won’t follow them and study just the day before the exam by pulling “almost-allnighters” with maybe a 2 hours long nap if they’re lucky.

After the lecture, when coming out of the classroom, Tegan and Tyler were thinking that Ellie would soon forget about that whole birthday thing and go back to being her usual happy-go-lucky self. But she kept on hanging her head low and sulking. It was so uncharacteristic of her that even the people who don’t know Ellie on a personal level started getting worried. Despite her short legs, Ellie has always been the type of person to hurry herself over to wherever her next destination is. So looking at the usually cheerful Ellie dragging her feet on the ground was a sad sight indeed. She sighed for at least the 10th time since the morning lecture.

“Maybe when my dads adopted me I should’ve just asked them to move my birthday to the beginning of July or something... what do you guys think?”

Tegan awkwardly extended his hand towards Ellie and rubbed her back.

“Well um... that wouldn’t really fix the problem now, would it? You’ll still know the date of your real birthday even if you change it. There really isn’t any meaning in doing that... I think. And I’m not even sure if that’s legally possible.”

As Tyler and Tegan were once again desperately trying to console Ellie, Scholar made his way towards them from afar.

“Ellie! You’ll celebrate your birthday after the exams, right? That’s awesome! It’ll be a breather for everyone and I’m already thinking of some presents I can giv- Uh. I guess I shouldn’t tell you what I’m thinking of or else it’ll ruin the surprise.”

In a matter of seconds, Ellie’s mood did a complete 180 and she was happily conversing with Scholar. TnT looked dumbfounded, all it took for Scholar to cheer Ellie up was to flash a smile and ramble about random stuff while they had to give up on some of their snacks for her and she was still being gloomy. Tyler carefully nudged Tegan and whispered.

“You see what I see?”

“You mean how Ellie turned back into a ray of sunshine the moment Scholar showed up? Yeah, nothing new here...”

After a few minutes that seemed to last way too long to Tyler and Tegan, Scholar hurried himself over to his room, saying that he “absolutely needs to study” or else he’ll be kicked out of the school if he doesn’t make it in the silver tier. Ellie turned back to face TnT only to discover their betrayed faces.

“Uhhh? Is something wrong you guys?”

Tegan stayed quiet, not really caring at this point to be honest, and Tyler pulled off the most offended attitude he could.

“Oh no nothing. We’re totally not salty that Scholar is sooooooo awesome that he can lift all of your worries away by just gracing you with his all mighty presence.”

Throughout this whole thing, Tyler kept on dramatically rolling his eyes. Ellie was internally laughing at how bitter he sounded but also she was a bit embarrassed at how obvious her feelings towards Scholar are.

“Oooo-kay Tyler! No need to throw so much shade haha. You know that I love you guys much more than anyone else.”

“Psh. Yeah right, I can garantee you that this is not what you’ll say in a couple of months when you’ll be jumping in Scholar’s arms on a daily basis and kiss him under the moonlight.”

Ellie is usually hard to tease, she’s the one doing most of the teasing after all. However, when it comes to Scholar even the smallest thought can make her go from a 0 to a hundred real quick. Ellie punched Tyler in the shoulder, a punch that was surprisingly really powerful for such a little fist.

“It’s not like that! I’m not sure about anything...yet.”

Seeing how unsure Ellie was, Tyler stopped the teasing and looked at Tegan. It was the first time any of them had a crush on someone. Despite all of the joking, they know that they have an unbreakable bond and they’ll stick with eachother no matter what happens. Only problem is... none of them have any experience with dating, or hell, even just flirting. Tegan looked hilariously confused.

“Okay so uh. Do we just like... help you have alone time with him, or what? It would be so much easier if this was a visual novel with multiple-choice answers, in that case I could’ve helped you no problem.”

Tegan shot a shy glance towards Tyler, he shrugged in return.

“Hey don’t look at me like that! All I know is a bunch of cringy pick-up lines that can only be used as jokes.”

Suddenly Ellie broke into a genuine laugh under the confused gazes of her friends. They were trying so hard to help that it was actually really adorable.

“The two of you are such dorks! You don’t need to take this so seriously, I’ll do whatever needs to be done on my own. And if I do need help with something, I promise I’ll hit you guys up!”

That’s right. There was no reason to be hasty. No matter what will happen, it all seems so far away. Especially when there’s the exams just before it. Ellie was stirred up for a couple of months now, and she honestly wasn’t really counting on doing anything in particular. If something is meant to happen, it’ll happen. That’s what she thought and she was sure of it more than anything else.

----------------------------------------

Et voilà! I’m not sure how well this turned out since I did this in one go but I just hope it’s not too sucky! Also this is the first time I directly wrote this on my laptop and wow... the emojis are so fcking ugly on PC tumblr 😂 I can’t believe they looked at them and were like “yeah, perfect for our hellsite”. Tumblr really needs a revamp or something. Also, just to be sure, the exam period in America is in June right? If not then I effed up with this whole thing lol. Uuhhhh I’m pretty sure there’s something else that I wanted to say but it’s 2am and I don’t remember... Welp! In any case thank you so much for reading! ♥

[conceptstage]

If you're still taking prompt requests: hiraeth for Beau? I'd be interested to see where you'd take it

Hiraeth; a homesickness for a home to which you cannot return, a home which maybe never was

“Thank you,” Marion said, catching Beau by the arm as the others filtered out of her bedchamber. She could hear Jester moving around in her childhood bedroom a few yards away as she turned back to meet her eyes. “For bringing my daughter home.”

“It, uh, it’s no big-” But she paused because she knew that it definitely was a big deal. Her mother might not give a damn where she was or whether or not she was still alive, but her understanding as that that was not the norm with mothers. “Happy to,” she said instead, which didn’t feel adequate.

Marion smiled at her though and moved her hand down to hold Beau’s wrist. “Come. Sit with me while Jester gets dressed for dinner.”

Beau cleared her throat and looked at the closed bedroom door, leaving her alone with Jester’s mother. She wasn’t cut out for this, she was gonna fuck something up, she was sure of it. “Sure.” She let herself be pulled over to the pair of reading chairs by the window and resisted the urge to sit comfortably, instead keeping both feet planted firmly on the carpet. “What can I do for you?”

“Oh, I just wanted to talk. Jester keeps me apprised of all your adventures and she has told me so much about you and your friends. She speaks very highly of you in particular, just so that you know.” She gave Beau a knowing look that had Beau coughing awkwardly into her fist and avoiding her insightful gaze. “She’s told me all about your friends’ pasts, all about where they came from and how they came to be here, but…” She paused and licked her lips like she was thinking about how to best to phrase this. “But she has told me very little of your origins. I was wondering if you could tell me a bit about your home.”

“The Mighty Nein is my home,” she answered quickly. “I don’t need any other home.”

That just seemed to make Marion more concerned. “What about your family, darling? I know of Fjord’s circumstances, are you similar?”

“I… No. I have parents, but if you asked them they’d tell you they don’t have a daughter.” She hesitated. She’d really only talked to Nott about this and she was a little tipsy then. This was so much harder. “I was an asshole kid and they got rid of me.”

“Oh, you poor dear,” Marion whispered, reaching over to touch her arm. “How old were you?”

“Sixteen. I had-” She cleared her throat. “I had just turned sixteen. And, uh, the reason that Jester never told you about that is because I never really told her the details. She knows parts of it, she knows the gist.”

“What about your childhood? I imagine from what you’ve just told me that it wasn’t a particularly happy one, but I’d love to hear about it if you don’t mind talking about it.”

Beau sighed and ran her hands over her face. “Is this because of Jester? Because…” She let the sentence hang, unsure what she was about to say. ‘Because I’m not going to do anything about my feelings for your daughter’ maybe? Or ‘Because nothing is gonna happen, Jes will never love me that way’ probably but that just felt depressing to say out loud even though it was true.

“It started out that way,” Marion started when Beau didn’t continue. “I wanted to get to know the woman in love with my only daughter, make sure that you were sincere and kind. But now… I am concerned about you.”

“You don’t need to worry about me, Marion. I’m fine. I’ve always been fine, I will always be fine.”

“Is ‘fine’ enough? Don’t you want happiness?”

Beau frowned and crossed her arms over her chest, trying to make herself look smaller in the chair. “I didn’t… I didn’t know what home was until I became part of this group. Until I met Jes. What more could I ask for?” Marion just gave her a sad look and started rubbing a comforting hand up and down her arm. 

She took this brief break in the conversation to give herself a moment to imagine what it would have been like to have a mother like Marion. A mother who wanted you to be happy even if your plans didn’t line up with theirs. Would she be a better person? A kinder person? Or was this assholishness just who she was, shitty parents or not?

Jester burst out of her bedroom in a bright pink, mid length dress with a petticoat and frills and grinned, throwing her arms out. “Ta da!” she cheered. She looked over at Beau’s strained smile and the concern in her mother’s eyes and frowned, dropping her arms to her side. “The energy in here is super down, did something happen?”

 Beau shook her head and stood up, walking over to stand in front of her. “No, nothing happened. You look great.”

Jester grinned and did a spin. “Thanks! I was worried it wasn’t gonna fit anymore because now I’m super buff and strong but it looks cute, right?”

“Very lovely, dear,” Marion said, standing up and walking over as well. “A bit much for dinner, isn’t it?”

“But I never get an occasion to dress up like this!”

Beau chuckled. “I’m sure the others have us a table now. We should go before Nott gets hungry and starts gnawing on the chairs again.”

Jester frowned but started towards the door. “That was only once and it was after we’d gone like a whole day without eating. Don’t tease her about it.”

Beau was still smiling as she moved to follow Jester out with Marion right behind her. “Uh, thanks,” she started. “Thanks for the talk, Marion.”

Marion gave her a soft, kind smile. “You could me ‘Mom’, if you wanted.”

Beau just blinked at her incomprehensibly. “Uhhh… I actually don’t think that I’m physically capable of calling you that, to be totally honest.”

Marion chuckled and followed Beau and her daughter out of the room. “We’ll work up to that one then. I get the feeling we’re going to be in each other’s lives for a very long time.”

[seyaryminamoto]

Hey Seyary^^. As you mentioned it would be okay to ask about Gladiator again, I decided to use the submission so that it looks clearer. As always, it is totally your decision what you want to answer and what not of course.;))

So, here we go:

Will...

1. Chan make another appereance??

2. Hahn and Yue meet??

3. Zhaozula have a wedding??

4. Azula and Zhao ever have a fight??

5. the Captain always stick to his Princess (he is so cute to her, can't get enough of their interactions=))??

6. Ozai and Ursa ever meet their grandchildren??

7. you bring up the "Father Lord" saying??=D

8. Azula leave the Fire Nation in Part 3??

9. Does Zuko still have feelings for his father??

I would be lying if I'd say I didn't have more more questions. But I've deleted some, else it would be too much eventually. You are nice enough to give spoilers anyway^^

Weeeeeell... as ever, answers under the cut :D

1. Chan will make another appearance in Part 3, kind of a sudden and unexpected one at that. I’m pretty sure no one really imagines what’s going to happen with this guy xD let alone what has been happening with him over the course of the past years, in-story. But rest assured, an answer will be given! And I really hope all of you enjoy it xD

2. Hahn and Yue... it’s not set in stone yet. It’s entirely possible that Hahn will be sent back to the Northern Water Tribe eventually, but I haven’t quite made up my mind about it yet. Safe to say, though, theirs wouldn’t be a happy reencounter by any means, if it were to happen. There’s no marital reconciliation in the books for these two.

3. Yeeeeah I think you already know the answer to this one, it hasn’t changed in all these years xD just sit tight and wait for the first arcs of Part 3.

4. Uhhh... yeah. And a pretty bad one at that. Their relationship will undergo some serious changes in Part 3, with more downs than ups, and I’m not sure you’ll enjoy most of that, considering how fascinated you are by these two xD But yeah, their last encounter won’t be pretty. In Zhao’s sort-of-defense, he won’t be 100% unfounded in his reservations and judgments of Azula, but he’s definitely going to spiral downwards in some ways that will eventually result in a very rough confrontation between them.

5. Oh boy... sad question with a sad answer. Actually... he won’t. And it’s not because he’ll betray her, nothing further from that: it’s because Azula will be determined to protect him from the consequences of we-all-know-what, and Rui Shi won’t be able to stand by her forever, as faithfully as he wishes to. Safe to say, Part 2′s conclusion, and Part 3 as a whole, will have plenty of chaotic drama and Rui Shi won’t go unscathed by it all.

6. Woops... another complicated question :’D The direct answer to this is: only in post-Gladiator content, and only IF I end up deciding towards writing that particular short-ish story. I honestly am on the fence about it still, seeing as I know how annoying a certain trope can be... but the storytelling potential if I go forward with this potential short story would be pretty cool. IF I do that... yes, the Gladiator Steambabies would have a chance to meet their very complicated grandparents. But if I don’t do it... then the honest answer would be no. Ultimately, though, it’s not going to happen within the main story, and I’d think that’s you wanted to know xD

7. Haha, no, I don’t think I’m going to bring up the Father Lord xD not unless it’s done as a joke by someone other than Zuko (I don’t know, maybe Kino says it and then gets smacked in the head by Zuko for it xD)

8. Azula will leave the Fire Nation in Part 3, though not for a very long time. For the bulk of the first... heh, like, 18 arcs she’s not going anywhere outside the Fire Nation :’DDD yeah, I can safely say there’s going to be THAT MANY xD and I’m not even done plotting it all. But sometime after the 18th arc she’ll take one trip, and afterwards (close to the end of the story) she’ll take off on a much longer one too.

9. Zuko has a lot of feelings towards his father, most of them resentment and wrath x’D but I suppose you were asking if he has any warm, fuzzy, nice feelings towards Ozai. In all honesty, he has buried all that’s left of those REALLY deep, much more than he had in canon. In Book 1, despite his occasional spiteful comments, Zuko seemed to really care about his father and have some fond memories involving him (those flashback montages of their family in Ember Island, for instance). Even in the first episode of Book 2, Zuko is thrilled to hear that Ozai cares about him without ever considering it could be a trap. But here... eh @_@ if anyone told him Ozai cares about him he’d likely scoff (kinda as he did when Hakoda, Katara and co. captured him and realized he was Ozai’s son) and dismiss the notion altogether because he’s convinced his father wants absolutely nothing to do with him.

That is not to say, though, that Zuko is 100% over his feelings of inadequacy and wanting to please Ozai, he’s just tried very hard to overcome that mentality by focusing on other things and taking up new goals in life that are within his reach. That alone has given him perspective and taught him he’s not quite as worthless as he felt when all he ever did was chase hopelessly for Ozai’s approval. But deep down, REALLY deep, like I said, he still can’t quite be so cold and unfeeling towards his father as he wants to be. Once Part 3 swings around he’ll constantly act like he would gladly see Ozai dead... but when the moment of truth arrives he’ll find it’s nowhere near as easy to make peace with that kind of thing as he thought it would be.

And as always, I hope I wasn’t too spoilery xD thanks for the questions! :D

[chemicalmagecraft]

The Gamer Hero, Deku Chapter 17

A/N: I know I said that I probably wouldn't post for a while because finals, but then I had a flash of inspiration and my poor time management instincts took over. But seriously, now that I'm done clearing my WIPs so they don't distract me later, it'll probably be a week or so until I start working on my fanfics again. Need to do a bunch of essays, then I'm giving myself a bit of time to be lazy once break starts up. So for once, I'd like to ask you guys to not give me suggestions for a bit...

The first part of this chapter is something that I figured should happen eventually. How would magic change an already superhuman society?

Have a Little Feith: Thanks for the suggestion! I certainly don't mind using legendaries, however I already have plans for that particular one. My idea for Momo was more along the lines of manufacture.

Xekless: With the exception of elementals, humans (and some animals) are the only inherently magical beings that exist as of this point in the story. Let's just say there's a reason nobody knew of magic before Midoriya...

xoxoxo

In the weeks leading up to the sports festival, we saw a surprising amount of magical advancements in the world. Supernatural healing, which was once considered rare and often involved some sort of caveat that meant it couldn't be used freely, turned into a matter of training, skill, and mana, even if it was weaker. I actually did some volunteer work helping some local hospitals out with the spells, as well as the regular medical help I needed to do for Shuzenji-sensei's healing course.

While only lightning mana could be directly converted into electricity, special generators were built to use other kinds of mana as fuel, meaning more people could work at power plants and more clean energy. There was probably also research being done to use mana as it was. More water-users meant improved water services. Construction businesses flourished with earth mages. Apparently Uraraka's parents in particular gained some profit because she was able to use her elementals to get her parents a few interesting spells in their elements. She and Aizawa were really happy about that, actually.

Conservation only benefited from a new wave of bio-elementalists and other kinds of magic-users. In fact, I heard there was a group that was in the process of getting permits to use magic to deal with the trash in the sea and on the beaches better. Not to mention, even unaspected magic was incredibly useful in agriculture, so farms were able to produce more crops. I even heard about some experiments in infusing plants with magic, which sounded interesting.

While there was, unfortunately, a bit of a rise in villain attacks with the advent of magic, pro heroes were better able to combat it with the fact that hero agencies had more or less turned into modern-day mage guilds. I'm sure there was someone out there biding their time until they learned how to cast Ultima or Raise Greater Undead, but at the same time pro heroes were organized, well-funded, and now produced their own spells, so they could handle it. I even saw on the news that the Wild, Wild Pussycats now had a series of cat-themed spells.

There were still some limitations on dissemination of magical knowledge to the general public, but a few weak spells were made available to everyone. With the buzz about magic, I heard there were talks about reducing Quirk- and magic-usage laws, which was exciting. I mean, I may or may not have been using my magic in public a bit already, but it'd be nice to be a bit less sneaky about it...

xoxoxo

"Poor thing," I said as I looked at the small, gold-furred cat that Juniper alerted me was in a nearby alley. She was missing part of her right foreleg, and the stump was bleeding. She had a few more scrapes, and her fur was dirty. She gave me a weak meow. I'd always liked cats, so I felt a pang in my heart to see one so hurt. "What happened to you?

Stray Cat

LV 6

Kitten

I reached my hand out to her, but she shied away. I concentrated, trying to use Magycked Words to put my intention into what I was about to say. "I want to help," I murmured in a soothing tone, then closed a popup for a new skill, Animal Whisperer. She looked a little bit calmer now. "Good, now just hold... still..." I slowly reached my hand out to her, whispering affirmations to her. She let me touch her, and I activated Healing Hands. "That's a good girl. I'm healing you now."

Unfortunately Healing Hands couldn't do much for her missing limb, but at least it wasn't bleeding anymore. After her wounds were dealt with, I gave her a quick rinse to clean her off, making sure to dry her off completely before she could get cold. Oddly enough, though, her temperature didn't drop at all from the water. She purred at me, now doing much better. She didn't have a collar, but... "Does she have a chip on her, Raimon?" I asked.

"I don't... think so?" he said. "I can't find anything like that on her."

I grinned. "Then I guess you're coming with me, girl." I picked her up. "A cat with golden fur... I think I have the purrfect name for you." She purred, and her fur... glowed. She got really warm. "Okay nevermind Yang it is," I said.

Stray Cat

LV 6

Yang

A cat with a Quirk... I'd heard of people having pets with Quirks before but I wasn't entirely sure what the rules were. I assumed I'd have to register her, though.

"Don't you still have school today?" Claude asked.

I bolted up. "Crap! School!" I looked at the time. Kacchan was probably looking for me. I looked around for a place to put Yang, then had an idea.

xoxoxo

"The hell were you taking so long?" Kacchan asked me when I ran up to him.

"I, uhhh... had a magic thing?" I said, then rubbed the back of my head.

Wait crud that's was the wrong hand! I quickly lowered my arm, but not before a meow escaped from my sleeve...

"Why the fuck did I just hear a cat?" Kacchan asked.

"Oh I don't know, maybe there's a cat nearby?" Kacchan looked around, then focused on my sleeve. I acted totally natural, nothing up my sleeves at all! For a second I felt like he would buy it.

He didn't buy it.

"Oi Deku, what's up your sleeve?" He grabbed my hand a bit more forcefully than I'd have liked, causing it to fall out of my sleeve. "...What the actual fuck," he said after a few moments of holding my disembodied right hand.

"Stupid Rayman limbs..." I muttered.

"Meow," Yang said as she poked her head out of my sleeve. To be honest I wasn't entirely sure how my sleeve was staying in proper shape considering most of my forearm was made out of air, but it was. Somehow.

"Did... Is your arm a cat now?" He looked between my still very much real hand and the cat's head coming from my sleeve. "You know what, I'm going to hold your hand hostage until you fucking explain."

"Not my hand!" I shouted. "I need that to not get arrested." I started trying to fly my hand out of Kacchan's grasp. Because my hand was attached to a body part I'd turned to air, it could fly. Somehow. It wasn't strong enough to escape Kacchan, though. Actually, I wondered how much of my body I had to turn into air before the rest would fly. I'd have to test that later...

"Stop muttering and answer the damn question."

"I wasn't just going to leave Yang there! She lost a leg."

Kacchan facepalmed, letting go of my hand. It floated back to Yang, and I scratched her chin with it before nudging her back so I could put my hand back in place. She was taking Air Embodiment surprisingly well. I was actually a little worried she'd activate her Quirk... "You named her already. In hindsight, though, I'm more surprised you haven't done something like this already. Actually, is it okay that the cat's breathing your arm?" He stopped walking and just rubbed his temples. "Hang... hang on, I just need a fucking moment to process how fucking absurd that last sentence was."

"I've confirmed that it's perfectly safe for both me and whatever's breathing me. Same for other elements. And I'm sure someone's said something like that before."

He started walking again. "Right. Your life is fucking weird. Not gonna give myself a headache. So how long can you do that?"

"Partial Embodiment is a lot less taxing than Full Embodiment, so it's just slightly more than what Mantra gives me back. In fact, if I get another point of INT, then it might just break even. If I use Meditate every so often, I'll be able to keep this up until we get home. Assuming we don't have practicals in Hero Studies today."

He shrugged. "Fuck it, good for you. Now we should probably hurry as fast as we can without you jostling the cat. We're already a little late."

xoxoxo

I was walking in the hallway on my own when I heard a meow. I froze and so did Aizawa-sensei, who was walking past me. I silently pleaded with Sonia to help. She gave me a grin. A grin I could almost describe as like the Cheshire Cat's...

"Meow," she said. Audibly. Even with Gamer's Mind, I could feel my heart pounding. I tried not to let it show on my face. I tensed up, though, when Yang meowed again. Though I noticed that Aizawa also grimaced. Yang pushed my hand out of the way, but at the same time a black cat with golden eyes poked her head out of Aizawa-sensei's capture weapon.

Alley Cat

LV 4

Blake

I nodded at him.

He nodded at me.

Yang and Blake meowed at each other.

I offered Aizawa-sensei my right arm in an invitation to pet Yang. He gratefully did so, then pointed to Blake. I used my floating right hand to pet her.

We nodded to each other, then gently nudged our cats back into their hiding spots and walked away. I had to Meditate in the bathroom for a bit because the stress of the moment deactivated Mantra, though.

We never talked about our encounter, though we did trade a few cat puns later in the day. I'm not an expert, but I think that makes us brothers.

xoxoxo

"Hey mom?" I said as I opened the door. "I have something I'd like to ask you about..."

"What is it, sweetie?"

I brought Yang out from behind my back. "Her name is Yang."

Mom sighed. "Honey, you know a cat is a big responsibility..."

"I promise I'll take good care of her!" I promised.

She frowned, then nodded after a moment of thought. "Alright, you can keep her."

"Thank you!" I shouted. "Oh, uh... By the way, she has a Quirk..."

"Izuku..."

xoxoxo

As it turned out, the Japanese government is very approving of Quirky animals being pets with responsible owners, though there was some red tape surrounding it. It made sense that they wouldn't want animals who had no concept of Quirk usage laws just roaming the streets... First I had to get her registered and fitted with a special chip that could withstand a lot more heat than normal chips thanks to her fire-based Quirk. Then we had to go to specialized classes for us to be able to deal with her if she activated her Quirk. I also got a good prosthetic for her with some of the money I got for various prizes related to discovering magic.

Thanks to Animal Whisperer I gained an increased understanding of all animals. After a few talks with Yang, I could pretty much speak cat, which was neat. I was hoping to get a familiar skill, though. Even if I never used Yang like a proper familiar, a familiar skill might give me access to her Quirk, I Burn, which would be nice.

For my preparation for the sports festival, I decided to focus mainly on DEX and INT. Because I was more or less indestructible due to Damage Reduction and Elemental Embodiment, I didn't need to worry about VIT at all. Because of that, I decided to focus on my original idea I'd had before Roaring Muscles to train my DEX, though with INT training as well to power up my magic. It was close, but a few days before the sports festival I got both above one hundred.

DEX gave me three skills, Light Step, Flash Step, and Weird Flex. Light Step was the next version of Fleet Foot and Flash Step was, well, a Flash Step. I could use MP to cross a few meters in the blink of an eye. Weird Flex... had a fitting name. It seemed to just make me disturbingly flexible. The flavor text implied that it was what made contortionists contortionists, and I couldn't really disagree with that. It seemed like it'd be useful, though, because it was a passive that didn't use MP.

Raising INT gave me Mana Talent, Eye for Magic, and Open Mind. Mana Talent, like Light Step, was a better Mana Affinity. Eye for Magic, which I got because I had an eye-enhancing spell, was a spell that allowed me to "see" magic, which was absurdly useful. I could probably copy spells just by looking at them, for one. It gave me really bad eye strain, though. Open Mind was also a potentially useful spell. The flavor text said it was mind magic, which was useful in and of itself because it gave me a base for mind magic, and it allowed me to hear other people's thoughts. When I used it, I was able to hear the internal monologues of everyone in the spell's radius, and could hone in on one person in particular. I wouldn't use it much because it was clearly an invasion of privacy, but I was sure I could put it to good use.

With my stats where I wanted them, I spent the rest of the time before the sports festival practicing various spells and skills. The day of the sports festival, I knew I was ready.

xoxoxo

A/N: I thought of that scene with the cats and was legally obligated to write it. This is a little shorter than my usual chapters, but I figured you guys would prefer one short one now and then a longer one in however long it'll take me to do all my school stuff and then start the sports festival arc than just an especially long one later. And now I have no excuse not to do my schoolwork. Pray for me...

[aerisleis-fics]

Fic Writer Questions

Tagged by @jadekitty777

How many works do you have on AO3?

62 at this time!

What’s your total AO3 wordcount?

454642

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Uh, well. 11, technically. There are more in the list but they're subsets of the same fandoms. The most common are Final fantasy XV, RWBY, and BNHA.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. Burden to Bear

2. Wingbeat of a Butterfly

3. Sins of the Father

4. Pain Shared is Pain Halved

5. Emerald Sunlight.

I'm actually sad that they are ALL BNHA pieces tbh. But it's a BIG fandom and two of those are the longest works I have posted... so... okay. Uhh... 3 tododeku pieces, one Dad for One, and one Toshinko.

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I usually do! I like to at least thank people for reading and taking the time to comment, if nothing else.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Uhhh. Probably... probably Alone Inside which was a Beyblade fic that I wrote when I was Young and thought I was Edgy. There's absolutely 0 redeeming qualities in that fic. It's a pure angst fest. I don't recommend going to look at it. I've considered orphaning it but so far... nah. I mean. I wrote it. I did that, disaster tho it may be.

Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve ever written?

Not really! I do kind of have one or two mentally in the works but I don't do a Lot of crossovers and if I *do* they tend to fit together pretty snugly. I uh. Also don't rly read crossovers so there's that.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Some yes! I don't want to talk about what fics in detail... But, I've gotten hate for using the wrong general terms to refer to people and also for... *checks notes* following my plan for a story that a reader decided was "too much'. That fic remains the one fic I have ever deleted.

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Not often! Usually very vanilla if I do write it. I'm very ace and not very confident in my smut, tbh. I do like to get into the intimate before and maybe after where the feelings can be examined sometimes tho so maybe I'll do more of that Eventually.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not to my knowledge here, either!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nothing published. My spouse and I have started to work on and discuss a few together but -splays fingers- we'll see!

What’s your all time favorite ship?

Uhhh. O...one? You want me to pick one? I can barely pick one in any specific fandom lmao. Bc like, for ATLA it's Zutara (tho I do also like Toko, bc my partner loves toko and it's fun to write w/ faer). For BNHA its Tododeku (but I also love toshinko). For Yuri on Ice its absolutely Victuuri. But for Beyblade it's Kai/Rei. And for RWBY... ah... RWBY... Probably Hummingbird (but I could write a List of Rwby ships I like and why that's... very long).

So! Like, there's a lot of dynamics and I can't say there's One I like more than anything though like Sunshine child plus Stubborn/Cold/Stunted does seem to... show up a bit.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Uhhhh. If I'm being honest, Probably Razor Thin Line which was Supposed to be an examination of the thin line between heroes and villains in the BNHA verse, but I have... many... BNHA wips and a Lot Less interest in writing for BNHA than I once had, for many reasons. I really wanted to finish it, bc the idea still rly intrigues me, but at this point I'll be happy if I finish... Wingbeat of a Butterfly and the rest of what I want to do for the Burden to Bear verse.

What are your writing strengths?

Um.... hm. See... bc I have such... a love/hate relationship with my works this is hard. But, I've been told that I have generally strong characterization. I also .. usually... like the way I handle descriptions and most dialog. I also like the way I can adjust things and then start to see how the world unfolds around them - but I don't know if I'd call that a strength so much as a writer-default?

What are your writing weaknesses?

It's hard for me to write off of a prompt! I'm slowly getting better at it. Also most of my ideas tend to come in epic length and require... trimming... for short fics or warm ups and drabble-types. I have to try much harder to write shorter types of works and that's something I've been working hard on.

Also just. Fighting scenes. They are the bane of my existence (now laugh bc I write in the fandoms I do. Go ahead. You can laugh. What genius picks up Shonen anime and final fantasy when they struggle with fight scenes)

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I mean. It's definitely a thing? I guess I'm not sure what we mean here. Like yes, other characters use other languages sometimes. mentioning that in narration is important? I'm not big on peppering with foreign language words Unless it's deliberately done to kind of point out that the listener doesn't know what was said, either.

As a working example off the top of my head, Viktor from Yuri on Ice dropping a nickname or complement in Russian and Yuuri, not speaking russian, not understanding that particular word said but understanding everything else bc the rest of the statement was literally in english.

What was the first fandom you ever wrote for?

It was either ATLA or Beyblade. Imports from FFN seem to think ATLA. It was a poetry set. Which is funny bc I don't write poems normally.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

This is like asking me to Choose a Favorite Child. And it's very difficult. I have a Real love/hate relationship with most of my works. I'm... going to tentatively say Keep the Home Fires Burning, which is a PolySTQ piece I wrote for the Qrowbang. I love the way this piece came together and I was very proud of how even though it Could have exploded to epic proportions I still got it done within the expected frame. It could have been longer, or deeper, it could have covered more. But I was happy with it, and while those things are all true... I don't think I'd change anything if I rewrote it under similar circumstances.

Tagging: If you see this and want to do it, go for it!

[thezeekrecord]

GAGEGN ch15

[index/summary]

REPORT: Regarding D.Pepper and T.Coolatta's time babysitting

Darnold had to admit—maybe sitting around for a month had been eating away at his mental health more than he had cared to notice at the time. Watching Joshua was a big task, but it was something to do, something that had a very clear goal and many rewards. He hadn’t known very many people with kids during his adult life, let alone any that would turn to him for babysitting, so it took them a brief adjustment period to find what worked. Joshua was an exceptionally picky eater, but giving him small portions of many hard set choices he could ask for more of at mealtimes seemed agreeable to him. He was incredibly high-energy, but tended to put his all into particular types of activities for hours at a time; video games were one draw, but Tommy had picked up a few different children’s science kits that he seemed to enjoy as well. He especially liked anything involving plants, so they let him attempt gardening in their backyard, which mostly just amounted to him digging a bunch of holes with Sunkist and burying random things.

It was a little exhausting, but fun; Darnold enjoyed the company of kids. Still, he did tend to sigh in relief once Joshua was in bed; his high energy was hard to match sometimes. Darnold was knelt down beside Joshua’s bed, telling him extensively about potions in the hopes of boring him to sleep when Tommy appeared in the doorway. Josh didn’t seem to like falling asleep alone, after all—something Darnold couldn’t help but wonder about, given the fact that his dad had disappeared for some unidentifiable amount of time during the resonance cascade. Darnold glanced back at Joshua. He looked halfway asleep by now, so Darnold stood, giving him a brief affectionate pat on the shoulder.

“Goodnight, Josh.” Darnold said.

“Goodnight.” Joshua mumbled.

Darnold exited the room, closing the door gently behind him.

“What’s up?” Darnold whispered to Tommy.

“Oh, nothing. It was just—you were taking a while, so I thought I might see if, uhhh, if I could help.” Tommy muttered.

Darnold laughed slightly as they headed back downstairs. “Nahhh, I had it. He’s just shockingly interested in potions.”

Tommy snorted as they arrived in the living room, plopping down on the couch together. They were, as far as Darnold was aware of roommate etiquette, the appropriate distance from each other—each sat on either end of the couch, with more than enough space for a third person. Tommy picked up the remote, turning on a recording of the newest Invitation to Love episode they’d arranged to watch together. Darnold wasn’t necessarily a fan; it was the exact type of drama that really grated on his nerves. Tommy loved it, though, and actually had pretty interesting analysis to offer on the exact things Darnold hated about it, so it wasn’t a total loss of his time. Besides, any time spent with Tommy was never considered a waste in Darnold’s mind.

Once the episode was over, Darnold was ready to hear Tommy lovingly roast it like always, but when he turned to him expectantly, Tommy looked distracted.

“You alright?” Darnold asked gently.

“...Yeah.” Tommy muttered. “I’m just...thinking.”

“...About what?”

Tommy paused before turning to Darnold to give him a smile. “I think you’d make a really great dad.”

Darnold smiled back bashfully, heat rushing to his face. “O-oh—really? I mean, I don’t know.”

“To be honest, I was—umm...I was sorta nervous about watching Joshua.” Tommy went on, curling in on himself a little tighter as he looked back at the TV. “I was worried that, like...I wouldn’t really know what to do. But you do a really good job with kids.”

“You do a good job, too. You actually know what he’s talking about half the time.” Darnold pointed out with a laugh.

Tommy laughed too, leaning his head into his hand. “Did you ever—were you ever planning on having kids? Before the resonance cascade?”

Darnold’s smile fell just a little bit. “Well...yeah, I mean, it always ended up being a ‘when I find the right person’ kinda thing. But I never ended up dating anyone, and then I moved into the Black Mesa dorms...it just never really panned out.”

Tommy nodded, and they settled into a brief silence.

“...It’s been fun watching over Josh with you, though.” Darnold admitted shyly.

Tommy smiled. “Yeah! I don’t know if I could do this all the time, but—I, uhh—I could see myself babysitting for Mr. Freeman whenever he needs.”

They fell into another comfortable silence, the TV automatically going back to the last channel they’d been on before they’d started up the recording. As always, the small part of Darnold’s mind that endlessly calculated a future with Tommy romantically began chugging away, weighing Darnold’s interest in having kids versus Tommy’s reluctance, but he did his best to quickly stamp that thought process down.

“...I wish I had this growing up.” Tommy murmured suddenly. “The group homes I grew up in weren’t all bad, it’s just...you know. Something like this could have saved me a lot of grief. And then—and to think, my dad could’ve provided me something like this this whole time...”

Darnold frowned. “...I’m sorry, Tommy.”

Tommy let out a small sigh, turning back to Darnold. “I-it’s okay, though. I guess I just, umm—I would wanna use my experiences to, like...help my friend do better for his kid. You know?”

Darnold nodded. “I know exactly what you mean.”

Tommy and Darnold’s quiet time together soon came to an end, and the next morning, Darnold, Tommy, Joshua, and Sunkist were all sat in the living room sometime after breakfast when they heard a knock at the front door. Darnold stood first, immediately assuming it must have been Gordon. Instead, though, he found Dr. Coomer, greeting Darnold with a bright smile.

“Hello, Darnold!” He said. “How are you this morning?”

“Oh, hi. I’m doing good.” Darnold replied.

“Do you need any help with Joshua, perhaps?” Dr. Coomer asked, leaning over unsubtly to see into Darnold’s house.

Darnold stepped aside to let Dr. Coomer in. “Well, we’ve got things under control, but you’re welcome to stay.”

Dr. Coomer stepped in enthusiastically, and Darnold closed the door behind him.

“Have you seen Gordon already?” Darnold asked him as they headed to the living room.

Dr. Coomer maintained his smile, but there was a hint of evasiveness in his tone as he replied. “Oh, Bubby’s over at Gordon’s right now. I figured I’d drop by here instead to see how things were going.”

Darnold had half a mind to ask if Dr. Coomer was feeling well—he had heard he was having some trouble yesterday, after all—but decided to drop it, as Dr. Coomer appeared to be just fine. He greeted Joshua enthusiastically, scooping him up into his arms for a tight hug.

“How are you, Joshua?” Dr. Coomer asked as he eased himself down on the couch, Joshua in his lap.

“We’re watching Spongebob!” Joshua answered with a smile.

Dr. Coomer looked up at the TV, confirming they were indeed watching Spongebob.

“Oh, I do love cartoons!” Dr. Coomer chirped. “Tell me more about ‘Sponge Bob’.”

Joshua immediately began firing off on a long rant about Spongebob as Darnold sat back down. Once Joshua lost interest in describing the show to Dr. Coomer, he turned, settling in Dr. Coomer’s lap to keep watching in silence.

“How are you feeling today?” Tommy asked.

Dr. Coomer smiled. “Oh, I’m doing much better today. Thank you for your help yesterday, Tommy.”

“...Is umm...is Benry at your house?”

Dr. Coomer’s smile fell. “Oh, I—I entirely forgot. I’m sorry, Tommy, I don’t believe he is, unless he was hiding in our linens closet again. I can go check, if you’d like.”

Tommy shook his head. “No, it’s okay. I’m—I’m uhh, sure he’s just squatting somewhere again.”

“He has a cell phone, right?” Dr. Coomer asked, putting a strange emphasis on the words “cell phone”. He shifted his weight a little bit to pull out his phone. “We could always try sending him a text message!”

“I would...feel weird texting him...” Tommy muttered, looking pointedly at Dr. Coomer’s phone.

Dr. Coomer flipped his open, holding it out in one hand while he used his other hand to jab at the buttons with his index finger. Darnold tried not to look too amused by it.

“I don’t believe I have his phone number...” Dr. Coomer said.

Tommy gave Dr. Coomer his phone number, hovering over his shoulder a little as Dr. Coomer began trying to draft a text message. Tommy leaned in close, giving Dr. Coomer pointers on how to text properly, but ended up taking the phone entirely from him as Dr. Coomer dictated to Tommy what he wanted to say.

“Now, I would like it to say...‘Hello, Benry! This is Harold. Tommy gave me your cell phone number.’ And put a smiley face there, if you can.” Dr. Coomer said.

Tommy typed the message expertly within a manner of seconds. Once he was done, his finger hovered over the send button, pulling away and turning back to Dr. Coomer. “Ummm...anything else?”

“Yes, say...‘I wanted to check in and see how you were doing. We’re not quite sure where you are at the moment, but you’re always welcome to stay with me and Bubby if you need.’ And I’d like another smiley there, please. Then, ‘Love, Harold.’”

Tommy smiled. “You don’t need to put, uhhh—you don’t need to put a valediction in a text, Dr. Coomer.”

Dr. Coomer frowned, distress clear on his face. “But I want to!”

“Okay, I’ll put it in.” Tommy said with a small laugh, taking a moment to finish texting. His smile fell when it came time to send the message, thumb hovering over the send button. “Ummm...h-here.” He muttered, pushing the phone back into Dr. Coomer’s hand.

Tommy closed his eyes and curled up on the couch as Dr. Coomer hit the button for him. Once the message was sent, Dr. Coomer reached to Tommy, pulling him into a side hug. Tommy sighed, relaxing against Dr. Coomer.

“It’ll be alright, Tommy.” Dr. Coomer said reassuringly.

Tommy nodded. “...Yeah. I just feel so...complicated about it.”

“I know.” Dr. Coomer replied gently. “You invested a lot of your time and energy into him—that’s not easy to let go of. But if he’s not listening to you, I understand that you need some time away from him.”

Tommy sighed again deeply, turning and settling to lean his back against Dr. Coomer. Darnold smiled at them, hoping they wouldn’t notice. He sympathized with Tommy for having a hard time over putting his foot down with Benry, but the sight of him and Dr. Coomer clearly being so close was nice; he’d heard a little bit about what happened with the Nihilanth project, but he didn’t know too much about Tommy’s friendship with Dr. Coomer and Bubby. Clearly, though, they’d been through a lot together already—they all had, in fact. Darnold wondered not for the first time if he would be this close with them, if he had decided to go with Gordon after all.

They all sat together peacefully, quickly moving on to sit out in the backyard and watch Joshua play with Sunkist. Darnold had been a little nervous at first about such a massive dog with a small child, but Sunkist was well-behaved as always, perhaps even alarmingly aware of what Joshua should or shouldn’t be doing. She was barking orbs of sweet voice eagerly at Joshua, trotting leisurely behind him as he ran in circles around the yard. Everyone looked up curiously as the fence gate was pushed open with a creak by none other than Bubby, slouched over with a grouchy expression on his face.

“There you are, Harold.” Bubby sighed, closing the gate behind him. “I thought you were staying home.”

“That’s what you decided.” Dr. Coomer pointed out. “How is Gordon?”

Bubby reached under his glasses to rub his eyes exhaustedly. “...There were some ups and downs.” He settled to say, plopping down in the empty lawnchair beside Dr. Coomer.

Dr. Coomer pulled Bubby’s chair closer to him, Bubby gripping the sides to steady himself as it moved, so he could drape an arm over his shoulders. Bubby glanced at Darnold and Tommy, crossing his arms with a huff.

“He’s okay with Benry now, though, I guess. Sort of.” Bubby went on.

“What? Really?” Tommy asked incredulously.

“Yeah, I have no idea why, I didn’t ask. But I walked in this morning, and they were just hanging out.”

“That’s...that’s good.” Tommy said, staring down at the concrete at his feet. He didn’t sound too enthusiastic about it, Darnold noted with a frown.

“I made that list of therapists for him, at least, but I didn’t get the chance to try and talk to him about it.” Bubby continued, pushing his glasses up on his face. “We got his house cleaned up and most of his things unpacked. That’s about it.”

“That’s a very good start!” Dr. Coomer said with a smile. “We can discuss his therapy options tomorrow.”

Bubby frowned, looking away. “You’re going to have to do that yourself, Harold. Sorry.”

“Why’s that?”

“...I just...probably shouldn’t be there tomorrow.” Bubby glanced up at Darnold and Tommy again, then looked down into his lap uncomfortably. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Bubby, I thought I told you to be nice.” Dr. Coomer said, but his tone was gentle as he pulled Bubby in a little closer.

“That’s your thing.” Bubby grumbled.

“Bubby!” Joshua shouted enthusiastically, breaking away from Sunkist to jump on the lawn chair Bubby was sat on. Bubby tensed as Joshua sat himself in his lap, arms hovering over Joshua like he was afraid he’d break him if he touched him. “Do the fire!”

Bubby grimaced. “No, Gordon got really mad the last time I did that around you.”

“Please?”

Bubby hummed uncomfortably. “Ohhh...fine. Just go sit with Harold.”

Bubby nudged Joshua gently over to Dr. Coomer’s lap, then sat up, scooting his chair away a little bit.

“Hold on—the fire?” Darnold asked nervously. “You’re not gonna—”

Bubby already had his fingers to his temples, though, and in a flash, he had a controlled flame in his other palm. He then took a deep breath, held the flame up to his face, and blew on it, giving him the appearance of breathing out a massive flame. Joshua clapped enthusiastically as Darnold clutched his chest, watching the flames go dangerously close to the roof.

“Excellent form, Bubby!” Dr. Coomer chirped.

“Please don’t do that in our backyard!” Darnold shouted.

“Oh, a little fire never hurt anyone.” Bubby retorted, leaning back comfortably in his lawn chair.

“Yes it has! It absolutely has!!”

A good portion of their afternoon was spent together after that, Joshua greatly enjoying the company of Bubby and Dr. Coomer. Aside from Bubby’s lack of restraint with his pyrokinesis, it was nice; Darnold only wished Gordon would be there. Darnold was sure he would’ve loved to see some of the fun things his son was getting up to. Well, it was only a week, Darnold reassured himself—Gordon would get himself back on his feet, and then they had the rest of their lives to have more times like this.

Well, except for the fact that Darnold was fairly certain he was going to need to find something else to occupy his time after he was done watching Joshua. Maybe a different job, maybe some sort of volunteer thing—going back to life as it was before was going to be very, very boring.

Everyone looked up curiously as they heard several hard knocks on the door, with long pauses between each knock. Darnold hadn’t heard Gordon’s typical method of knocking, but something about this didn’t quite seem like him. Tommy was already on his feet this time, leaving Darnold alone with Dr. Coomer, Bubby, and Joshua.

“How have you been doing, Darnold?” Dr. Coomer asked, filling the awkward silence that ensued.

“Oh, I’m good.” Darnold replied. “It’s been really cool living here. I’m glad I moved in with Tommy, otherwise I’d probably just be...y’know, hiding out in my own place doing nothing.”

“That’s great! I’m happy to have you here.” Dr. Coomer said with a smile.

Darnold smiled back shyly. “Oh! Th-thank you. That’s really nice. Yeah, it’s—I’m glad that like, I get to hang out with you guys.”

“Say, I do recall you saying that you were interested in boxing.” Dr. Coomer said, a hopeful, excited look on his face. “I happen to love boxing!”

“Oh, yeah! I remember I took a few lessons when I was younger, but I never really got too into it. I always wished I stuck with it, though.” Darnold admitted. “I could pick up a new pair of gloves sometime.”

Dr. Coomer grinned, punching Darnold’s arm—it was playful, but it was a bit harder than he’d probably intended. Either that, or Darnold was just softer than he thought he was. “Darnold, I think we’re going to get along very well.”

“Just don’t let him get in the habit of breaking the rules with you.” Bubby said, crossing his arms and leaning back on the couch. “He knows he can’t win against me, so he always puts me in a headlock before I can win.”

“No, I do it because you make it so easy!” Dr. Coomer retorted, immediately hooking his arm around his neck and dragging him into a headlock. “Also, because I think it’s fun.”

“Let me go, you ass!” Bubby barked, wriggling in Dr. Coomer’s grip.

Dr. Coomer leaned down to give Bubby an affectionate kiss on the head before letting him go. Bubby huffed, looking thoroughly embarrassed as he leaned back on the couch again.

“I have to say, I’m quite happy to see that you and Tommy get along so well as roommates.” Dr. Coomer said as he settled back down. “I think he found living alone in the dorms to be rather lonely.”

“Oh, yeah, me too.” Darnold sighed. “I mean, I definitely didn’t see it that way back then, but living with Tommy has been really nice. I like him a lot.”

Dr. Coomer rested his chin in his hand, beaming at Darnold. “You do?”

Darnold’s face felt hot as he avoided Dr. Coomer’s gaze. “Well—yes, that’s a normal thing to say. There’s nothing not normal about it.”

“Oh, of course it’s normal.” Dr. Coomer replied knowingly.

“I mean—I meant that as in, like, I’m—you know. He’s...a good roommate.” Darnold babbled nervously.

Bubby kicked Dr. Coomer, not too gently. “Quit embarrassing him, Harold, let them sort it out on their own.”

“I would never embarrass a cherished friend over such matters.” Dr. Coomer said far too dramatically, putting hand to his chest as though he was offended.

“Oh, yeah, like you didn’t do this with Percy and Van from boxing club.” Bubby said sarcastically.

“To be fair, neither of them were going to do anything if I stayed quiet.”

“Okay, yeah, that’s true, but come on.”

Darnold hoped they would slip into some long banter about their backstory, but Dr. Coomer turned back to Darnold.

“Take it from me, Darnold. As a man who spent far too long unable to be with the one I love, I think it’s best for you to seize the moment and say something to Tommy if you’re interested.” Dr. Coomer said, placing a friendly hand on Darnold’s shoulder.

“Wh—is it really that obvious?” Darnold asked in dismay. “I thought I was being subtle.”

“Well, usually, until Tommy makes some move and then you fall apart.” Bubby pointed out.

Darnold groaned, burying his face in his hands in embarrassment.

“I think you two would be very cute together.” Dr. Coomer said encouragingly.

“Yeah, but like, I don’t wanna make it weird if he doesn’t feel the same way. We live together.” Darnold pointed out.

“So what if it gets weird? You’ll get over it.” Bubby said dismissively.

“Yes, you and Tommy are very rational people, I think you could handle it if anything becomes awkward. But I don’t think it’ll necessarily come to that.” Dr. Coomer said. “Trust me, if you face him head-on and just tell him how you feel, I think it’ll turn out well.”

“...Is that what you guys did?” Darnold asked.

“Well...yes, I did initially, but our history isn’t a particularly good example.” Dr. Coomer said with a small laugh. “That feels like so long ago, now.”

“That’s because it was.” Bubby chimed in. “And don’t go telling everyone about our backstory, I’ll kill you.”

“Bubby caught on fire when I told him I liked him!” Dr. Coomer said with a fond smile. “It was very cute.”

“Shut up!” Bubby growled, kicking Dr. Coomer again.

“But we couldn’t be together until after the fall of Black Mesa.” Dr. Coomer said, his tone suddenly much more serious. “You have a long, incredible life ahead of you! There’s nothing standing in your way except your own inhibitions. Don’t let them overtake you, Darnold. I believe you and Tommy could have a very fulfilling life together, and you shouldn’t have to wait even a second longer.”

“I—that’s all very nice and inspirational, Dr. Coomer, but...I don’t know if I’m ready for any of that.” Darnold said nervously. “I’ll...I’ll, uh, let things settle down a little first, and then see how I feel.”

“Oh, alright. I suppose that’s reasonable.” Dr. Coomer sighed.

Darnold couldn’t help but laugh. “Well, if I ever need your help with Tommy, I’ll know to come to you.”

****

All things considered, despite that stressful moment in indirectly texting Benry, Tommy was chalking his day up as pretty good. He always enjoyed having Dr. Coomer and Bubby over—though he wished he could spend his time with all his friends at once—and Joshua and Darnold seemed happy, so it was good. He liked seeing his friends in high spirits, despite the circumstances. Maybe now, considering Benry and Gordon were apparently cool with each other, the two of them could sort their shit out and they could all finally just live in peace for once.

Tommy was thoroughly enjoying listening to Dr. Coomer and Bubby discuss a show they were currently watching when there was a knock at the door. It was a strange knock, but he hoped against all odds it might be Gordon, so he stood enthusiastically to answer it; but the man he found at the door was decidedly not Gordon.

Tommy still didn’t want to dignify him with calling him “Dad”, but he had nothing else to call him, so he just stared at him wordlessly.

“Hello, Tommy.” The man greeted politely. He wore the same suit as always, as well as the same inscrutable expression. “It’s good to see you. Have you been...enjoying, your new home?”

“...Yeah.”

“It’s very good to, hear that, Tommy. Have you, perhaps, been feeling any sort of...desire, to, branch out?” The man asked. “You have been, exercising your powers, yes?”

Tommy paused. “Branch out?”

“Yes, Tommy. You were, quite fascinated with—inter-dimensional matters...in your time at Black Mesa, after all.” The man explained vaguely. “Your research on what...resulted from the Nihilanth was, most, impressive. You possess the, powers and intellect bestowed upon me, as well as the rather...tenacious qualities of a human. Your talents would be, quite valued by my, employers.”

Tommy frowned deeply. “Is this...more nepotism? Because—you know, thinking back on, uhhh, getting my job at Black Mesa...I wish I’d known that was what was happening.”

“In my line of work, Tommy—in the world from which your bloodline stems—nepotism isn’t, quite so much an issue.” The man said, shaking his head. “Nudging you towards, Black Mesa, was a necessary action. In fact, it was the only action, I could have taken.”

Tommy pressed his lips into a thin line, shoving his hands into his pockets uncomfortably. “Well...I don’t know anything about, like, my bloodline or where you—where you come from. I grew up here. On Earth. With—with no help from you or anything.”

“I was helping, Tommy. I helped...where I could.” The man said, somewhat defensively. “I thought that I, explained to you, that I have—intergalactic matters to tend to.”

“Then why did you even bother having a kid?” Tommy asked accusingly. “And—and—for that matter, who’s my other parent?”

The man frowned deeply. “...That information is, as things go, not relevant to matters at hand.” He said. “As such...I am not aware of who your other, parent, would have been.”

“Wh—but—of course it’s relevant!” Tommy argued. “I mean...at least...it feels like—it feels like that would be important for me to know!”

“I understand your...frustration, Tommy.” The man said, the faintest hint of sympathy managing to worm its way into his tone. “As it is, though, I am here, now. And I think it is, high time, you got to know...my occupation.”

Tommy crossed his arms. “...I’m not interested.”

“Trust me. Familiarizing yourself with my, influences, on the world will be...highly...beneficial to you.” The man insisted.

“...How?”

“You’re curious about...Benry, aren’t you? And the world, we, currently reside in?”

Tommy looked away, biting his lip as he thought. He was curious. But at the same time, he was beginning to wonder how much that mattered. Benry, regardless of what he was and how he came to be, was still just as capable of good or bad as anyone else—his origin didn’t mean anything when it came to him simply being an asshole. Plus, he’d already made peace with the fact that his reality may not be truly real more times than he could count. All Tommy wanted was a safe place for his friends, and he already had that; so why throw anything complicated into the mix?

“...Not really.” Tommy finally muttered.

The man seemed surprised by this answer, widening his eyes just a little at Tommy. “I thought...you would like to, spend time with your father, though. Is that not what you wanted?”

“Yeah, I wanted that! When I was a kid! ” Tommy snapped. “This isn’t Elf! I’m 37 now, and you never—you never bothered to actually take care of me, and now I’m already an adult! It’s too—it’s way too late for that now. You’re not—...how could I even consider you my dad at this point?”

“I am your father, though, that is...an irrefutable, fact.” The man said, a tinge of dismay in his voice. “And Tommy, 37 is, very young for us. I have been alive, for...hundreds of years, now.”

That, on top of everything else, was too much for Tommy to process at this point. He unfolded his arms to put a hand on the door. “...I already have a family. I don’t need you.” He said decisively.

The man pressed his palm to the door to keep Tommy from closing it. “Tommy. I think it would be, very, beneficial for you to join me now.”

“...You haven’t exactly made a good case.”

“It would be...unwise, for me to make any promises on the exact...significance of my work, after the end of the game.” The man said evasively. “But I do know that it is going to be critical. And, provided your, experiences, your assistance could be...vital.”

Tommy glanced behind him, where he knew his friends were sitting nearby. “...I don’t think I, uhh, wanna to get myself...involved in anything if I don’t have to. If you can—if you can give me exact reasons why you need me, then I’d hear you out. But...I sorta just wanna enjoy my life for now.”

The man finally withdrew his hand from the door. “I suppose...that is a fair line to draw. Enjoy your life, Tommy.”

As the man began to turn around, Tommy frowned, stepping forward just a little bit. “Wait. Can I ask you one more thing?”

The man turned back to Tommy curiously.

“I’m not gonna call you my dad.” Tommy said sternly. “So...what’s your name?”

“...If you must...then I am commonly referred to as, ‘the G-Man’.”

“...Huh?”

“Goodbye, Tommy.”

Tommy blinked once, and suddenly, the man was gone.

[previous | next]

[maliciouslycreative]

Title: In The Butt

Ship: Castiel/Dean Winchester

Characters: Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Castiel, Gabriel

Rating: M

Words: 2183

Tags: sex toys, crack, sexual innuendos, Sam is so done, it’s all crack, bad dragon, implied bottom dean, implied top cas, sort of canon but not, it’s in the bunker, but gabriel is alive, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Additional comments: ok so like i am probably concussed and like i wanted to write something for the forst day of nanowrimo so i decided on some crack. @rosemoonweaver​ suggested Gabriel shenanigans so I complied. I am literally just writing this and posting this with 0 editing because honestly this is fucking cracky crack and the fact that i just wrote cat instead of fact just verifies that i probably should not be writing and this silliness will only add to the silliness of the fic.

Summary: Gabriel is totally tired of his bro Castiel moping around because he's not getting to put the D in Dean. So he decides to do something about it.

Gabriel didn’t really get it. Sure the human was pretty but well he wasn’t the brightest. He was so sure Castiel had better taste than this. Maybe it was because Castiel had very limited experience with humans that he picked this particular one to fall for. Well ok, the guy had great lips.

And he apparently had great taste in sex toys.

Gabriel whistled at what he’d found in the bottom of Dean Winchester’s duffle. He could work with this.

-x-x-

Dean was fucking exhausted. They’d driven all night just to get home because Dean was tired of shitty motel water pressure. They’d spent just over a week on the road hitting up a series of simple cases. In a way it’d been nice to just come in and wham bam it’s done.

Upon arriving home he’d immediately chucked his bag in his room and then headed for the showers. Now he was in nothing but his dead-guy robe and boxers. He unzipped his duffle to grab his phone charger when something moved in the bag.

“Son of a bitch!” He yelped and umped back from the bag. Grabbing the nearest makeshift weapon (a hardcover version of Return of the King) he tentatively approached his bag.

He gently nudged the bag with the book and a muffled voice said “Hey, be gentle!”

“What the...” He was about to prod his bag again when there was a knock at his door.

“You Dean, you ok in there? I heard yelling.” Sam asked.

“There’s something in my bag!”

There was silence for a few seconds before Sam gently opened the door and peeked his head in. “What do you mean something in your bag…”

“Like a something that shouldn’t be there. A moving something.”

“And you decided the best course of action was to vanquish it with Tolkien?” Sam gestured at the book in Dean’s hands.

Rolling his eyes Dean put the book down on the desk. “It was the first thing I grabbed! Not like I keep a lot of weapons in here.”

It was now Sam’s turn to roll his eyes as he walked over to the wall and pulled down the sword Dean had mounted there. “Really?”

“Whatever.” Dean gingerly approached his bag. “Just be ready to swing. I’m going to dump it on the floor...” Dean took a couple seconds to calm himself then in one  quick motion grabbed up the duffle and dumped its contents out.

“Jesus, I told you to be gentle!” Something said from amidst the stuff on the floor.

“Who the hell said that?” Dean asked and eyed the book on his desk. Maybe it was heavy enough that he could squash something small.

“I did!” There was a few seconds of silence and then the pile of stuff started wiggling. Sam raised the sword, ready to strike, but then something white with the faintest blue tint and pointy started poking out from between two of Dean’s shirts.

“Jesus Christ.” Dean quickly bent down and scooped up the white wiggling thing before Sam could take a swing at it. Unfortunately this also revealed to Sam the entire 12.5 inch glory of David.

Sam’s eyes widened so far it looked like they were going to pop right out of his. “I… I think...”

“What, you never seen a cock this big?” the dildo, or rather David, wiggled a bit in Dean’s hands. “Well looking at you I wouldn’t be surprised if there was something pretty impressive in those pants.”

Sam’s mouth dropped open. “I don’t… you…. I’m going to go do some research!” He practically sprinted out of the room.

“Dude.” Dean held out David and glared at him. “That’s my brother!” Dean was about to say more when he saw something black starting to slither out of the pile of clothes on the floor. Eyes widening slightly Dean reached down and scooped up the entire 15 inches of Ika in his glorious night sky colouring.

“Hssssssth!” Ika said at him and wiggled in an extremely unnatural way. It made Dean’s dick harden almost instantly because god did he want that in his ass.

“Ok.” Dean licked his lips. He walked over to the bed and laid the dildos down on it. Almost immediately Ika started wiggling towards the edge of the bed. Dean grabbed the tentacle and put it back beside David (who thank god seemed content to just lay there). “Stay!”

“Hssssssssssss!” Ika wiggled more violently.

Dean clamped a hand firmly around the middle of Ika and turned his attention to David. “Ok, since Cthulhu wannabe over there doesn’t seem too interested in talking I guess that leaves you.”

“Well, let’s be honest, I’m interested in far more than talking. Just imagine what what it’d be like with me buried in your ass now that I’m-”

“For the love of – just don’t finish that thought. Please.” Dean put a hand over his face.

David did some flops and wiggles until his tip was nestled up against Dean’s hand. “But I love the warm cavern of-”

“Ok. Nope. Not going there. Look we gotta-”

“Hello Dean.” Castiel said from the doorway.

“Cas!” Dean hastily tried to shove Ika behind his back but in his panic his grip loosened and the tentacle sprung free. But this time instead of trying to make a bid for freedom it slipped under the edge of Dean’s dead-guy robe and made a b-line for his ass. “Nope!” Dean sprung off the bed and firmly grabbed Ika. He held the tentacle out in front of himself and glared at it. “Will you behave for one goddamn minute?”

“Hssssth hsssss.” Ika stopped protesting and seemed to relax in Dean’s hand. Sure the tip was still gently caressing along Dean’s wrist but whatever, it was better than it was.

“Sam said that your toys had come alive but I will admit that this was not what I expected.” Castiel said as he bent over so he could more closely examine Ika and Dean nearly jumped out of his skin.

“Cas!” Dean tried to put Ika behind his back again but Cas grabbed onto his wrist and pulled the sex toy closer to his face. Ika stopped caressing Dean’s wrist long enough so that it could flop over and gently caress Cas’ cheek.

Cas stepped back, startled. “I see…. Do you have any idea why they’ve suddenly animated?”

“All that floppy can do here is hiss and all that glowy over there wants to do is talk about my ass.” Dean grumbled.

“Glowy?” Castiel stepped closer to the bed so that he could see David better.”

“He uhh...” Dean’s cheeks turned red. “He glows in the dark. Dark aqua.”

“Fascinating.” Cas reached down and picked up David. He turned the werewolf penis over in his hands a few times as he examined it. “This appears to be a completely typical dildo. Well, perhaps not typical given its size and shape...”

“I feel a but coming on, please let there be a but.” Dean said.

“I like your butt.” David said.

“Not what I was talking about.” Dean sighed.

“Well...” Cas held David up to his face so that he could look at it even closer. David wiggled forward slightly and gently caressed Cas’ face with his tip. This time Cas was prepared and he didn’t flinch away. “It appears to be bespelled. If I had to guess I would say by an angel.”

“An angel made my dildos sentient?” Dean stared at Ika in his hand.

“It would appear so.” Cas said.

“Why? Wait, never mind. I probably don’t want to know. Can you reverse the spellwork?” Dean scrubbed at his face with his hand not full of a writhing tentacle.

“Probably. Though I suspect it would be faster to just figure out what they want.” Cas looked at David very seriously and asked, “What is your purpose?”

“We were given sentience so that we could better pleasure Dean. However we’ll submit in the presence of the one thing Dean truly wants up his ass.” David said.

“And what would that be?” Castiel asked, head tilting to the side.

Dean couldn’t move fast enough. He stumbled slightly in the pile of closes and personal possessions still all over the floor and Ika started wiggling violently. Not that grabbing David would have done much good because the fucker didn’t even have a mouth to cover up.

“Well, your dick of course.” David said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Cas nearly dropped David in surprise as he whipped his head around to lock eyes with Dean.

“I can explain!” Dean said.

The four of them stood in complete silence for almost 30 seconds before David asked, “well? You gonna explain hot lips?”

“I uhhh...” Dean was actually at a loss for words. There was nothing that he could say to save face on this. The giant talking werewolf dick was right, there was nothing he wanted more than Cas’ dick in his ass. Well maybe having Cas around all the time, but he’d start with just the dick.

Cas watched Dean the whole time, head tilted slightly to the left. After the silence had once again stretched into uncomfortable Castiel let out a sigh. He turned and gently placed David on the bed then began taking off his trench coat.

“Cas!” Dean surged forward and grabbed onto the edge of Cas’ coat so that he couldn’t pull it off any further. “What are you doing?”

“Giving you what you want.” Cas said.

“But, uhh...” Dean licked his lips and stared at a spot in the floor. “You don’t – not if you don’t want to.”

“Dean,” Cas laid his hand gently atop Dean’s. “I very much want to. I’ve wanted to for years.”

“Yah?” Dean glanced back up and locked eyes with Cas. He gave him a shy smile.

“Yes.” Castiel gave him a soft smile in return.

“OK then, yah, let’s do this.” Dean released Cas’ shoulder.

Cas continued quickly removing his trench coat and suit jacket. He paused for a moment and studied Dean, as if he was making sure this was all still OK. Dean gave him a little nod and with that encouragement Cas quickly undid his belt and fly. He then reached into his underwear and pulled out his already hardening dick.

It was long and thick and absolutely perfect. Ika went limp in Dean’s hand. He let out the breath he didn’t even know he was holding.

“Seems that it worked.” Cas gestured at Ika.

“Well, you better still fuck me into the mattress just to make sure.”

Cas grinned. “I think that sounds like a wise decision.”

-x-x-x-

When the two of them came into the kitchen in the morning they were met with an extremely exasperated Sam and a smirking Gabriel.

“Morning, boys. I take it you enjoyed my present?”

“You!” Dean tried to lunge towards Gabriel but Cas caught him by the collar of his dead-guy robe.

“Leave him be, Dean.”

“But he made my sex toys come alive! I have to live with the memory of this for the rest of my life!” Dean whipped around and scowled at Cas.

Sam muttered something under his breath and buried his face in his hands.

Cas’ smile was gentle as he stepped closer to Dean “But you can’t argue that it led to the best sex of your life.”

“Too much information!” Sam stood up from his chair and it nearly toppled to the ground. “I’m going into town. Actually, I’m going past the town. I’ll see you in like a week. Please, take a vacation and enjoy whatever...” Sam gestured dramatically at Dean and Cas. He then let out an exasperated sigh and stalked out of the room.

“Sooooo” Gabriel twirled a lolipop in his fingers while he glanced between Dean and Cas. “I suspect you won’t be needing a certain 15 inch-”

“It’s a cold day in hell I’d let you anywhere near my sex toys again.”

“Actually, most of hell-”

“Can it.” Dean scowled at Cas then turned his icy glare on Gabriel. “Get out before I resort to banishing you.”

“Aww, you’re not even going to say thank you, Dean-o?” Gabriel pouted.

“Get,” Dean said, voice going low

“Thank you, Gabriel.” Castiel said.

“Out.” Dean crossed his arms over his chest and gave Gabriel his best death glare.

“Fine. Whatever. You can just owe me one.” There was the sound of wings and a whoosh of air and Dean and Castiel were finally blissfully alone in the kitchen.

“You could have thanked him, Dean.” Castiel frowned at Dean.

“Yah, but I didn’t want him getting a fat head.” Dean started moving around the kitchen, grabbing various ingredients from the fridge and putting a pan on the stove. “So, breakfast?”

“Yes, you’ll need to keep your strength up for what I have planned for you.

[yuriyuu]

2017 fic writing round up

Found this survey on dreamwidth and I wanted to fill it out. :3 It’s basically my thoughts on the fics I’ve written throughout 2017. It’s long so I post it under a cut. <3 Please feel free to fill it out if you’re interested! I’d love to hear your own thoughts! Blank survey can be found here

Total year-long word count: Ummm probably around 40k. I don’t write many long things. That’s only counting finished fics tho. Idk how many words i’ve got of WIP haha. 

Word count by fandom: Dude it’s all Yuri on ice lol. everything is Yuri on Ice.  Fics completed: Probably about...18-20 I wanna say? 13 or 14 of them are on AO3, and then the rest are posted on my tumblr.

Works-in-progress: We do not talk about that lol. I’ve got too many.

This year I wrote and posted: a lot more than I thought I would.

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you'd predicted? A lot more. I’ve always enjoyed writing but I always struggled to post what I wrote because I wasn’t very confident. I always felt like my ideas were dumb and overused, so I never wrote fic for my old fandom which was much larger bc someone probably already did my similar ideas but 10000x better. When I got into Yuri on Ice, all of my ships were rare so I had no choice but to write and post my own. 

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January? Milabek!! 

What's your own favorite story of the year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you happiest? Hmmmmm idk. To be honest, all of my fics make me very happy. Not because they are good, bc they aren’t really, they’re just self-indulgent shit I write to make myself feel better, but each of my fics comes from a very personal place. Writing is how I cope with events in my life, esp past trauma, and writing the kinds of fic I write is just a very soothing process for me? Idk, it’s weird lol. 

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them? My biggest risk was actually writing and posting stuff. I’m so happy people seem to enjoy my stuff, esp because I don’t have any confidence in it.

Your best story of this year: uhhh idk. 

Your most popular story of this year: Sharks! It’s a yuriyuu story where Yuri is transgender and comes out to Yuuri, although it didn’t go as planned. (Don’t worry, it’s a happy ending and there’s no transphobia in it!)

Story of yours most under-appreciated by the universe, in your opinion: Pretty Boy. It’s a vikturio story which also features trans Yuri. Basically Yuri misses wearing girly things, like skirts and lingerie and lipstick, but he gave up those things so people would take him seriously as a guy. But like, Viktor doesn’t want to see Yuri deprive himself of things that make him happy for the sake of social expectation, so he introduces Yuri to the concept of crossdressing lol. I mean I can understand why it’s not very popular, considering trans male crossdressing is a huuuuuge taboo and a no-no for most ppl, but it’s a topic I hold very dear to my heart for personal reasons and I wish more people would give it a chance lol. In case anyone has sex triggers tho, there’s 2 scenes with extremely mild non-explicit sex. Like you can tell they had sex but I wrote none of it lol. It’s very fade to black. I have a severe sex trigger so I’m warning in case anyone else is sensitive to sex. 

Most fun story to write: Birds of Paradise! Definitely Birds of Paradise hands down. It’s a silly little story where Georgi finds out Yuri has a massive crush on Yuuri and gives him shitty unsolicited love advice. 

Story with the single sexiest moment: Definitely the bloodplay scenes in Red. That is all I will say about that lol. Though I also found the scenes in Pretty Boy where Viktor makes Yuri stand in the corner so he can admire how pretty and gorgeous he looks to be really sexy. Yeah uh, i’ll just see myself out lol. 

Most "Holy crap, that's wrong, even for you" story: I don’t consider it wrong because it was consensual kink that people actually engage in, but for people who are unfamiliar with sadomasochism, I think Red might get this reaction from people. It’s a sadomasochistic knifeplay yuriyuu fic I wrote which also features bloodplay. I also pretty much only write fluff or hurt/comfort, so I guess me writing a sexless hardcore kink fic is a bit shocking lol. The aftercare scenes are extremely fluffy tho! :D

Story that shifted your own perceptions of the characters: Hard to say since I usually don’t write a fic unless i’m deep into that particular headcanon lol. I guess Birds of Paradise because I didn’t realize how much I loved Georgi being a supportive idiot until I actually wrote it lol. 

Hardest story to write: Not one I’ve published. Hardest story i’ve starting writing is this very personal fic that is very similar to the trauma I went through in my childhood. I don’t know if i’ll ever finish it, I doubt I’ll ever publish it, but I feel it’s a story I need to write. I don’t even want to say which ship it is because even that feels like revealing too much.

Biggest disappointment: Nothing really. I post my fic with zero expectations that anyone will read or enjoy it lol. 

Biggest surprise: Sharks got translated into Portuguese!!! 

Most unintentionally telling story: I’m sorry I don’t understand this question lol. 

Favorite opening line(s): “Sometimes for Yuri, life is loud. Sometimes it’s nothing more than a cacophony of dirty memories etched into his skin, violent thoughts on infinite repeat, adrenaline that turns into outward aggression at every person, intentions be damned. Sometimes, most of the time, that’s all he feels life is.” (from Reprieve) 

Favorite closing line(s): Listen, I went through all of my fics on AO3 searching for my fave closing line and my fave closing line is also from Reprieve lol. “Safety is not a luxury Yuri could afford. Safety is conditional, safety is a reward. Perform well enough and you can escape the looming danger for a little bit. But in Yuuri, Yuri finds reprieve. And for that, he’s thankful.”

Favorite 5 line(s) from anywhere:

  “Is this...guilt tea because you feel guilty?” (from Guilty), 

“Grab a spoon and help me finish the ice cream before it turns into soup. I don’t care what anyone says, it’s good and healthy to eat your feelings worth in ice cream.” (from Heroes) 

 “Perhaps maybe, home is less of a physical place and more of a slow culmination of warm, fond feelings.” (from unfinished vikturio wip) 

“Really, Viktor doesn’t know anything about him either. I saw the bruise on your shoulder. But somehow, he already knows too much.” (also from the same vikturio wip), “ 

 “You're a masochist, you like pain. Pretend this is a scene or something.” (From Red. And yes I know that quote makes no sense out of context, but the context is that Yuuri is cleaning Yuri’s wounds from their scene and Yuri is bitching that the anti-septic stings lol)

Top 5 scenes from anywhere you would choose to have illustrated:

Yuuri bathing and bandaging Yuri in Red

The knifeplay scenes also from Red lol.

Yuri and Viktor sharing pocky together during Kiss and Steal

a scene from my dark forbidden fic i’m still too embarrassed to finish writing or even post LOL. 

The scene from Slowly where Yuri and Yuuri fall asleep on the couch together by mistake, so Viktor just comes over and cuddles with the both of them while they’re sleeping. (It’s a viktuurio fic, so if you like viktuurio and getting together fics, please check it out! <3)

Fic-writing goals for next year: Just to keep writing more fic. :D Maybe work on my self-esteem a little bit heheh...

[project-ml]

Project: Scrapbook — Like Ladybug (Part One)

Project: Scrapbook Masterpost (tbp)

Comic By: @chalala-chan & @trinity-nevermore

Written By: @jezzicabell​ & @megatraven​

Beta’d By: @panda013​

Summary: During the events of Lady Wifi, Chloe finds herself with enough time to think about her actions and her hopes for the future.

Words: 2310

Another day at school, another day of having to be the best. If Chloé was being honest, sometimes it could get tiring, being the best. She couldn’t let anyone else think they were the best, oh no, that wouldn’t do at all. Sabrina’s attention and presence helped, she supposed. She already knew who the best was and didn’t usually need to be reminded.

The people she did have to remind, though, often came in the form of other students who were too confident for their own good. It really was a lot of work, and it kept her on her toes, but as she stepped out of the limousine, she set right to work.

She handed off her bag into the arms of Sabrina, who was waiting for her, per the norm. “Hey there! Hi! You look totally fab!” she exclaimed, waving her hand and looking at nowhere in particular. The students nearby looked at her in surprise before she continued, “Uh, no, not you. Hey, it’s still a month from Halloween, you know?” She said this matter-of-factly and marched on, not waiting for a reaction.

Without looking back, she knew she’d captured the attention of everyone present. Their gazes lingered after her, just as they ought to, or her name wasn’t Chloé Bourgeois.

“You see, Sabrina? If people won’t realize how great I am on their own, I’ve got to tell them. Afterall, everyone loves me, and it’d be a shame if they forgot it,” she said with a smile.

Even as she smiled, though, she found herself a tad distracted. Sure, maybe her tactics weren’t the best way to get the job done, but they worked all the same. As long as people gave her the attention she deserved, then she was content in what she did. She didn’t need to be a ‘better person’ if she found herself to be the best already. Not to mention that she never really committed to the promise she almost made the day Stone Heart attacked.

I’m perfect just the way I am, Chloé thought as Sabrina and her separated. They walked to their respective lockers and Chloé opened hers, checking to make sure all her valuables were still there.

Just as she was content with everything inside, she heard a crash sound by the locker next to hers.

“Oh, uhhh… Ladybug! Look over there!” Nino yelled out behind her. Chloé turned to see what the big deal was. Seeing as it was just one extremely nervous looking Nino she rolled her eyes. If there was one thing she knew how to look for it was nervousness. What with Sabrina always around, it was a pretty easy emotion to catch in other people. Plus, it was a super easy way to get people to do what she wanted them to do.

“What kind of lame joke is this?” she asked impatiently tapping her foot.

“Well, uh, that was... Did you see Ladybug yesterday? Isn't she amazing? I wonder who she really is,” Nino responded.

Chloé wasn’t quite sure what he was suspicious of, but he was in her personal space and this was not acceptable. Placing a hand to his face she pushed him away before turning to her locker. Quickly she reached for her pump of antibacterial gel to rid herself of whatever bacteria she had managed to collect.

“Uhh... were you up too late DJ-ing, Nino? Obviously you didn't get your beauty sleep,” she replied scathingly as she rubbed the gel into her skin. There was the sound of a camera to her right and she hears Sabrina gasp.

“Chloé! Alya’s looking into your locker!” Sabrina called from where she has been talking to Kim about who cares what.

Chloé glanced at everything visible in her locker before turning to glare at Alya. There was no way this voyeur was going to get away with this. It was simply inexcusable that anyone thought they could get away with stealing secrets from her.

“Th-that’s a lie! I so was not!” Alya retorted while shifting so that her phone was hidden behind her back.

Chloé was disappointed that the girl had even tried to pretend she hadn’t been caught red handed and was ready to cut her down to size when Kim reached out and snatched the phone out of Alya’s hands. At least someone was being useful.

Chloé smiled victoriously as Kim held the phone out of reach.

“Hey! Give it back!” Alya complained jumping up in a futile attempt to reach her phone. Holding her hand out for the device Chloé was very happy to see Alya back off. It was good to know someone was learning. Nino had abandoned her a while back to watch from a safe distance.

Working quickly she closed out of the camera app and opened the albums. Opening the newest picture she held the phone up for everyone to see.

“Who's the little liar now?” she asked Alya with disdain. Turning to Kim she put on her nicest smile. “Kim would you be a dear and escort me and this criminal to the principal's office? I don’t want to be left defenseless with such a fiend.”

“Yeah, sure. Whatever.”

Chloé nodded sharply before turning around to close her locker. Still holding Alya’s phone, she easily led the procession of four back through the school corridors. She smiled in satisfaction as any lingering students quickly moved out of her way.

Arriving promptly at the principal’s door she knocked sharply before pushing the door wide open and entering the room anyway. Mr Damocles looked up at the interruption before moving his paperwork out of the way with a sigh.

“What is it that I can assist you with, Miss Bourgeois?” he asked.

“I want justice,” she said sharply. “This fiend,” she continued as she pointed accusingly at Alya, “has been caught doing wrong by me!”

“Why don’t we all have a seat and you can both explain to me what happened,” he said calmly and indicated the two seats in front of his desk.

“You would have me sit next to this perpetrator? Preposterous,” Chloé exclaimed before turning to look at Sabrina who quickly moved forward to separate the two chairs before standing dutifully behind Chloé’s. Chloé calmly perched herself in the armchair with every ounce of dignity she had.

“Now Chloé, could you please explain to me what it is that you are accusing your classmate of, exactly?”

“Of course sir, I will tell you with all honesty what tragedy has befallen me this afternoon,” she states resolutely as she places Alya’s phone on the desk. “She's guilty of invasion of privacy! I have proof!” There was no way so was going to lose this battle. Her pride was on the line.

“What?! Seriously! All I did was take a measly photo!” Alya spluttered from her seat.

“I'm sorry, Chloé. But there's no school policy on invasion of privacy,” the principle interrupted before Chloé could respond. Chloé paused for a second. This wasn’t going to float, not one bit. Time for a new angle.

“Then... then breaking and entering!” she responded angrily.

“I didn’t break into her locker! It was open!” Alya retorted from her seat angrily.

“And nothing was stolen?” Mr Damocles asked as he looked between the four teens in his office. Chloe pounced on the opportunity.

“Only my very soul! My locker is my secret garden! He who enters uninvited burglarizes my inner being and steals my life force!” she cried with faux desperation, letting herself curl into a position of grief.

“Right,” the principal said before turning to Alya. “An hour of detention for you, Alya.” Neither girl looked particularly happy at this but Chloé was absolutely livid.

“Are my ears failing me?” Chloe almost growled. “Did I hear you're giving one miserable hour of detention to a... a heinous criminal? Sabrina!” Sabrina quickly stepped forward.

“The school rules clearly state that any student guilty of theft should be suspended for one full week,” she rattled off in a quiet but clear voice. Chloe smirked before settling her features back into neutrality and sitting up once more to face the principal.

“Yes, but she’s hardly stolen anything,” the principal states firmly. There was no way Chloé was going to let Alya get away with this crime because the principal didn’t see what the problem was.

“I’m not sure that my father would share your point of view,” Chloé says calmly as she pulls out her own mobile phone already opening her list of speed dial numbers. Watching the principal out of the corner of her eye she smirks internally as the man begins to look uncomfortable.

“Uhhh, well, now, Chloé, let's not bother your father, I mean, the honorable Mayor with a minor locker situation…” he says, on the verge of nervous rambling as Chloe hits the call button. “Ehhh… what I mean is, you're suspended for a week, Alya.”

“What?!” Alya screeches as Chloe hangs up but keeps her phone ready to go. “That is so unfair! I am so gonna protest this on the school blog!” Chloé frowns and raises a single eyebrow in the principal’s direction with crossed arms and when he looks in her direction. She smirks she she sees the look of resignation.

“The school blog is hereby suspended as well,” he counteracts with a low sigh and Chloe finally tucks the phone away in her handbag, feeling rather satisfied.

“She's no superhero, she's super-psycho!” Alya screeches angrily before storming out of the room and slamming the door behind her.

Now that was completely uncalled for. Chloé carefully keeps her face a mask of success and calmly leaves the room with Sabrina on her heels and a reluctant Kim tailing behind. Once safely away from the office Chloé turns and faces Kim.

“Thank you for assistance this afternoon Kim,” she says, not quite as sharply as she would’ve liked. With a barely noticeable nod she turns around and continues on her way back to her locker. She doesn’t quite miss Sabrina’s quiet thanks and Kim’s wide smile as she turns and stalks her way back through the now deserted hallways of the school.

Stopping in front of her locker she easily opens the door and begins to pull out the things she would need for the afternoon. Her homework had already been passed off to Sabrina after class and her bag of Ladybug essentials were tucked safely under her arm. She would need the distraction today.

“Chloé?” Sabrina asked quietly.

“What is it Sabrina?”

“You.. uhh… you shouldn’t listen to what Alya said,” she says in what’s probably her quietest voice all day. How was it that Sabarina always managed to see right through her? Chloé found it very frustrating. How was she supposed to be the best if people saw her weaknesses? It just wasn’t acceptable. Even if it did feel nice to know that at least someone could.

“Why would I listen to her? All she sprouts is utter nonsense,” Chloé replied. Closing and locking the locker she begins the walk to the car that would be waiting for her at the front of the school. “Did you hear last week how she was talking about the top five indicators that Ladybug and Chat Noir are a couple? I can’t believe anyone believes it. They’re obviously not dating. I should know, I see them way more often than she does.” Chloé kept talking about all the ridiculous things that Alya had spouted over the last few weeks until she was in the car and driving away.

If she was the only one talking, no one else could ask questions she didn’t want to answer.

It had been a regular afternoon for Sabrina. Catch the bus home, cook dinner for when her dad got home from work and do homework. She was almost finished with all the homework, too. Maybe she would have enough time to finish reading that novel today.

If only she could get these last few troublesome maths problems out of the way.

There was a faint ringing as her phone rang from her bag. She pulled it out, believing it to be either Chloe with a fresh complaint about something or her dad saying he was going to be late. Seeing the unknown number, she paused for a second before putting the phone down and just ignoring the call to go back to her homework. A few seconds later the phone stopped buzzing, but not long after that it started up again.

Who would be trying to call her? Had Dad forgotten to take his phone with him? Had Chloe gotten a new number? Had her mother finally deigned to call? Well probably not that last one but one could always hope. Deciding that she wouldn’t know until she answered the call she waited for it to ring for a third time before answering the call.

As soon as she had answered the phone vibrated harshly and glowed a vibrant pink that was painful to look at. Dropping the mobile on the table with a harsh clatter Sabrina pushed herself away, stumbling as the chair tipped over backwards and she knocked her head harshly on the floor.

“Third time’s the charm after all!”

Sabrina looked up with blurry vision having lost her glasses in the fall. There was somebody standing on her desk. She had all of a second to react as something pink flashed in front of her eyes and suddenly she couldn’t move anymore.

“Oh would you look at that, I don’t even have to get passed the lock! How fortunate is that! Let’s see… Contacts.... Here we go, Chloé Bourgeois, I’ll take that number. Thanks for taking my call.”

With another flash of light it was quiet again.

Oh, why did Chloé keep attracting all these akuma?

[ryanurzi]

prompt, but necessary love letters

in no particular order.

KK- You already know most of this, but I just wanted to put some of it in writing. It still baffles me that we can talk about nothing for so long. It’s like a never ending episode of Seinfeld.  Your phone calls keep me sane and your instagram memes keep me grounded. Even though we’re a couple hundred miles away, I don’t think we’ve ever been closer. “Knowledge Speaks, Wisdom Listens” This is going to take you far. Even though we won’t be together this summer, we have to keep each other motivated. Thanks for being such a great friend.

JW- To my oldest friend, I’m so glad that I kicked you in the shin in 3rd grade. Thanks for sticking with me through my chump years in middle school. Even though we’re far apart now, I have no doubt in my mind that we’re going to be friends forever. When we hang out, all my stress melts away and I feel like I can just be that goofy kid I used to be. You’re the most honest and genuine person that I have ever met. Thank you for holding me accountable and telling when I’m being an idiot. I can say without doubt that I would not be who I am today without you. Thanks m8. Much love (PS. The Dream Killers will soon return to their former glory)

JM- Dear Mr. Sir,

You’re probably never going to read this because I don’t think you ever check your phone, but in the event that you do, know that I really appreciate you man. It’s so incredible that we can go months without talking while I’m away at school and then come back and pick up right where we left off. You’re an incredibly hard worker and one of the most talented people that I have ever met. If you can make it through three years of digital imaging, I’m positive that you can do anything that you want. Wherever you end up, I know that you’re going to change the world.

JR- Lemme just uhhh, appreciate you really quick. I’ve really really missed you this year man. I get so nostalgic every time I think of last summer. All the time that we’ve spent together has been so much fun. You’re kinda like my November. I can’t wait to see you again

LH- Damn buddy, what a time it has been. Just about every good memory that I have from 7th grade forward has you in it. Project W, turning off the Xbox on round 30 of Nuketown Zombies, plotting to kidnap Taylor, small groups on Wednesdays, senior sunrise, Yosemite, Long Beach. So crazy to think how far we’ve come. From chumps in middle school to now being people who are actually doing things with their lives. Weird to think about. Thanks for being there for me man.

LS- Wow. Crazy to think that we met only a couple months ago.  You’ve been so honest and open and kind and helpful and I can’t thank you enough for that. Your hugs kinda hurt but it’s so worth it to be your friend. I have so much admiration for how genuine you are with everyone that you meet. I aspire to be the kind of friend that you are. Short in stature, but big in heart. Thanks for the good times this semester and I very much look forward to this summer.

ATG- Homie, I’m so glad we met this year. It’s only been two weeks, but I already miss you like crazy. You’re one of those people that I feel like I could talk to forever. I don’t think I’ve ever told you this, but you really inspire me. You’re so incredibly talented, but you’re also one of the most humble and down to earth people I’ve ever met. I feel like every time we hang out, I learn something new. Thanks for all the laughs, quotes, and music recommendations. Our nights out were definitely the highlight of this last year. I’m gonna miss you this summer, but next year is gonna be one hell of a time. We’re gonna get true jedi on every level of Lego Star Wars. Mark my words MF. Talk to you soon, ya beepis.

A葛涵 G- To be completely honest, I don’t really know what to say here. All I know is that I wanted to write one of these for you. Whenever I see you on the sidewalk and we shoot the shit, I just get kinda happy. I realize how weird that sounds (I don’t mean it to be), but it’s true. When we hang out, I feel like I can say dumb shit and make stupid jokes and have someone that gets it. It makes me feel like I’m home. I really appreciate it. Keep rockin’ the double baseball hats and instagram polls.

MS- I’ll start by saying thank you for helping me get the internship because it means more to me than you know. I’ll follow that up by saying thank you for handling everything with housing so well. That was definitely the most stressful thing that I had to deal with this year and I’d probably be sub-letting a bush from the Morlan bunny if it wasn’t for you. But also, thanks for being such a good friend this semester. You’re an incredible guy and getting to know you has been an absolute pleasure. Working with you and living with you is something that I’m sure will be a highlight of our college experience. Next year is going to be our best year yet.

JY- I feel like I can’t say anything here that won’t sound whack as f00k, but hey #timesup amiright. Your cow milking skills are unparalleled but your sandwich eating could use some work. Seriously though, thanks for being such a bro. You don’t know it, but you’ve really helped to remind me to not take everything seriously and to have a good time above all else. I’ve had a great time this semester and I have no doubt that next year will be even more incredible (especially since we’re all sleeping in the same room). Pound it.

CVA- I’m convinced that you’re the only person in the greater Los Angeles area that can rock a peacoat in the summer. But in all seriousness, I’m so glad we met this year. There’s never been a time that we’ve hung out that hasn’t been loads of fun. I am beyond excited for next year and the years to come. It’s gonna be so much fun living together next year, even though it’s only gonna be for a semester. Thanks for being a friend this year and thanks for catching me when I fall ;)

SB- 1st off, thanks for giving me this idea. I remember when I saw you post this on your page and thinking to myself that I had to do that for my friends. That was such a genuinely nice thing to do. I’ve never really seen a guy do something like that before. It really made me realize how great of a person you are. I seriously don’t understand how you stay so humble because you are one of the smartest and most talented people I know. It’s also still so crazy to me that you were in LOK, but I’ll keep it on the dl. I can’t wait for next year man. It’s gonna be the time of our lives.

MZ- First off, oh my god. Second, you are actually the nicest person I have ever met. I genuinely do not understand how you always stay so positive. I get tired just being around you; I can’t imagine being you. You have this special way about you that makes it impossible to be in a bad mood when we’re in the same room. It makes me feel like I’m at home when we’re together. You’ve been a great fraternity mother and an even greater friend. Even though we had to say goodbye the other day, we’ll be back together soon.

SM- Honey, I don’t even know where to start this one. I never would have guessed that we would have been this close. You spill the tea a little too much and I’m still not 100% positive that you don’t want to shag all the pledges, but it’s ok. You’re a perfect example of striking a balance between working hard and playing hard. This semester would have been a completely different story if it weren’t for you constantly inviting me out. You’re extremely dedicated and extremely talented while also being one of the most genuinely fun people that I’ve ever met. I can’t remember the last time a came across someone that cares as much about their friends as you. You’re so nice and caring that in retrospect, I don’t see how we couldn’t be this close.

MC- Ummm, yeaaaa… sir? I remember when we first met. I thought you were just super nice and outgoing for o-week and I was like, “Hey, this person is pretty cool.” And then we started hanging out and you were still super nice and outgoing and I was like, “Wow. I really respect this person.” There are very few people that I know that can be super nice all the time and super honest all the time. I feel like most people are one or the other but you are somehow both. Thanks for being such a consistently good person and sorry for calling you names (but let’s be honest, that name is just too perfect). It was and will be an absolute pleasure, forever and always.

AC- It still kind of blows my mind how well we get along despite how vastly different we are, but at this point, I don’t question it anymore. Thanks for teaching me how to cube and thanks for giving me an excuse to watch old movies all the time. Thanks for making me laugh and attempting to motivate me. Even though we don’t hang out as much as we used to, it doesn’t mean that we didn’t have some great times this past year. Thanks for being my friend when few others would be.

AO- What can you say about a girl like you… It’s been truly incredible getting to know you this year. You’re so nice and funny and talented and I definitely don’t deserve to be your friend. I know that I’m a total flake, but thanks for sticking with me. I’m gonna try to forget the terrible formal that I took you to, but our countless trips to Disneyland will be one thing from last year that I will remember forever. Even though we won’t be bumping into each other at the caf anymore, this friendship is far from over.

LM- You were the first person at Chapman that I really clicked with. I remember the first night that we met. We were at someone’s housewarming party on the third week of school and we left and talked on that backyard porch for a couple hours about dumb shit. I know that it was just dumb shit but that meant a lot to me. I was a little worried when I got here that I wouldn’t fit in but that made me feel at home. Thanks. We had some really good times this year and we’re gonna have some more this summer and next year. If you ever need anything, you know who to call.

JI- You are truly one of a kind. You’re also the cutest MF at Chapman. I’m kind of in love with you man. Thanks for being such a gracious host this semester and thanks for being such a great friend. You’re one of the most fun loving and genuine people I’ve ever met and I can tell that we’re going to be friends for a long long time (especially if my SSN is still hung up on your wall).

NP- M’lad. I am seriously so happy that we met this year. I really appreciate how enthusiastic you are. You bring new energy into every conversation that I have with you. I feel like I learn something new every time we talk. I just really enjoy being around you. And I don’t mean that in a weird kind of way; I just genuinely enjoy hanging out with you. I can’t wait for next year man. I’m sure that we will have many more good conversations.

AL- Sometimes I forget how long we’ve been friends. It was that one Thanksgiving all those years ago and then countless Tuesday nights and weekends in between. I’m sorry that I haven’t kept in great touch since I’ve been away, but I’m so thankful for all the time that we’ve spent together. Seeing your grad pics the other day made me so happy for you. It was so so so good seeing you the other day. I hope it won’t be too long before we see each other again.

JCG- To be completely honest, you’ve been a really important figure in my life these past few months. Before we met, I hadn’t had an honest, open conversation with anyone in a good while. And the fact that we’ve continued that past the opening stages of our relationship means a lot. Thanks for being that for me. I know that sometimes I speak a little too openly, but the times when we can just sit down and talk about our feelings are some of the most relaxing and relieving times I have at school. I’m glad that we’ll get to continue that this summer and for the rest of our lives. Miss you. Love you. See you soon.

BJ- The 11th hour friend of freshman year. I don’t know how it took us so long to meet but we’re here and that’s all that matters. Damn dude, there’s something special about us. You just get it. You’ve got such a strong creative vision that I know will take you far. I can tell that we’re going to be friends for a very long time. I very much look forward to collaborating with you and getting to know you more in the process. Grand is gonna pop off next year. My door and my line are open at all times. Thanks for being such a broe.

sunday, june 3, 2:55 am

[martywurst]

YEAR 2: The Worst Comedian

"Coming up right now, I hope he brings his...BEST material, uhhh, MARTY WURST MUCH?"

After bombing this particular set at the Silverlake Lounge, the host added,

"Marty Wurst...he has the secret to comedy, being loud."

That got a big laugh of course and nothing felt worse than some cheap shot after I already bombed. Everyone there hated me. It was like high school all over again. I'd go to these mics and sure, I sucked, but it struck me that the same group of stuffy assholes were laughing at each other's sets no matter how lousy their jokes were.

Self-deprecating comment (laughter). Fuck my life! (laughter) I should probably just kill myself (laughter, clapping). I don't even want to do comedy tonight...(standing ovation, ticker-tape parade, group orgy ensues).

Then I'd go up and just... nothing. Crickets puking.

I started off in 2013 with an adventurous spirit, where I was willing to try characters and bizarre bits on stage, but the constant bombing made me shy away- plus comedians I looked up to were always insisting, "You have to make it personal."

I've always resisted that. Why can't I just be goofy and absurd?

Nobody was buying it. They saw through my lies and I couldn't sell it, that's why.

I was determined to hit mics, though. Once I spent 5 hours on public transportation for a whopping 7 minutes of stage time. I must've been out of my fucking mind. One night I missed the last bus and was stuck in Hollywood, so I just wandered around for a few hours until I could take the train back to Long Beach the next morning. I wanted to hang out at The Comedy Store until 2 a.m., but I couldn't miss that last train!

I didn't mind taking the Blue Line up to Hollywood at first. I could read, listen to podcasts, work on jokes, and not worry about traffic. 90 minute trip. Honestly, I was afraid to start driving again, but Claire eventually persuaded me to take her car, for safety's sake. There were a couple of late nights where some drunken assholes tried to mess with me on the train and I finally said fuck public transportation. It's not worth it.

The first year I hit 88 mics. The second year was closer to 200, which is still nothing compared to what most comics do in my circle. I tried to hit 4 to 8 mics a week and anything under that felt lazy. I would get moody and depressed. Sometimes I'd be out of town for the holidays and I'd be lucky to get one mic in, it was something, but then a week would go by and it'd feel like starting over again.

Explaining this process to my family always came off apologetic. It's hard for anyone outside of comedy to understand that you have to go up almost daily. I sure as hell didn't know. The fact that I was barely getting booked must've seemed like a spectacular failure to them. It still feels bad. I can't really brag about going up in bars and coffee shops. The whole bringer show fantasy was gone and now it was time to put in the actual work.

Sept. 2014, Jeanne Whitney and I took a short jaunt to San Diego for a gig at the Second Wind Bar on Navajo Road. It was my first taste of taking a drive with a friend and doing a show more than an hour away.

The Second Wind Bar (which has since closed down) was an ugly little dive bar with a pretty good stage, but hey- a show! Plus, they brought in a giant pizza- we're getting paid! The dude who put us up on the show was nice enough and the place definitely had some colorful customers.

Funny how we were just a couple of hours away and the place felt like a total redneck bar in middle America. A couple of loud, drunken ladies were trying to size me up and had a few questions about my act:

"Are you going to do jokes about Mexicans?"

"Nah, nothing like that. Just goofy stuff."

"Are you going to do jokes about Asians, like how they're bad drivers?"

"No.'

The second hag-in-command got excited,

"You should, because it's actually true. I had one cut me off on the way here! Asians can't drive!"

"I KNOW," first hag interrupted, "You're going to do jokes about JEWS."

"Probably," I said.

The way she said it, too, "JEWHOOOOS," made it particularly offensive, but at least she was enthusiastic about a comedy show. Now that there was the possibility of a racist act, the ladies would probably stick around. They might even throw out some extra tags or slurs.

I should've opened with, "So a Mexican, an Asian, and a JEWHOOO walk into a bar..."

A phone went off during my set, but other than that, the ladies were surprisingly cooperative. Maybe they couldn't handle the suspense.

When is he gonna say what I'm thinking? Here it comes...wait for it...maybe he forgot, I'll help him! (mouthing the word) jeh-whooooooo.

They tore into Jeanne instead. Jeanne fought back and was really funny--I wish I had recorded that set!

Then there was the Kill Tony show in The Belly Room. I'd tried to get up for weeks and listened to the podcast a lot. It's a crazy, wickedly funny, and occasionally maddening experience. The hosts are so mean-spirited and for some reason I still wanted to do it. The guests were a huge part of the appeal: They've had Moshe Kasher, Bill Burr, Sarah Silverman, Doug Benson, Roddy Piper, Ian Edwards--it was pretty impressive.

Comics are picked randomly out of a bucket, then they perform 1 minute of standup in front of the hosts and a couple of guest comedians. Then there's a post interview that usually involves a lot of cheap shots and ridicule at the amateur's expense. There's rarely any constructive criticism, but it does make for an entertaining show. Tony Hinchcliffe is the snarky and quick-witted host, Brian Redban is the sleazy sidekick, and there's an audience of Neanderthals that gobble up juvenile behavior. Plus, you got a guy in an Iron Patriot costume standing there for the whole show. He was sort of the show's perverted mascot. The original guy was fired, so various comedians were subbing inside a cheaper get-up.

I used to see the original Iron Patriot character standing on the bus and holding onto the rail because he couldn't sit down in that expensive suit.

During the show, I hung out in the green room and would just hover in the hall when they were calling up the next guy. They only get 5 to 6 people up each episode, and I was so used to not getting up. It was one of those nights when I started to regret signing up altogether and kind of hoped I'd be passed by again. Jamar Neighbors and Brian Moses were the guest hosts--I barely knew those guys and couldn't care less. Eccentric comedian Mugzilla had just stormed out of the room. He went after Jamar Neighbors for being a paid regular and then threw the mic down, marching off in a huff. Eddie Whitehead Jr. followed him, doing his Samuel L. Jackson schtick and then plugging his documentary on Youtube. Then I was called.

I hurried out of the green room and was completely out of breath during my entire set. I sucked hard, the material was dumb, and the interview that followed is what temporarily destroyed me. I'm a sensitive guy and not cut out for The Comedy Store's frat-boy behavior. I've always been the pussy.

They took it easy on me by the end, but the damage was done. Like Tony said, I was about to cry--I felt like shit. I kept doing these stupid bits and everyone would take it as an insult to their intelligence. I felt misunderstood and they had basically told me to quit. My voice alone seemed to infuriate Moses.

You gotta build your armor Wurst, they tare you down to make you stronger.

Are you serious? So you only thrive at the Store if you're a fucking bully?

Anyway, it was a painful lesson. I didn't grow up with a bunch of friends constantly ribbing me at school. I'm not used to being called a pedophile for entertainment purposes. It wasn't a joke at my expense, it was just punishment. My material was that annoying to them.

Somehow I made one friend on Twitter.

I'd done The Laugh Factory "audition/open mic" a few times. The owner Jamie Masada was there on my second try, but I got passed over. The process got old pretty quick and it seemed like the serious comedians I knew were avoiding that place anyway. It makes me feel good to know that Jamie had to sit through my armpit farts. TOO CONCEPTUAL, JAMIE? DID THAT ONE GO OVER YOUR HEAD?

I was really gunning for a showcase, taking schoolyard behavior to the stage. I would forget about The Laugh Factory for months and then go back with no expectations.

Bombing at The Comedy Store potluck for the first time was exhilarating. That room is pure magic. Unlike the Laugh Factory, that club never felt like a waste of time.

You sign up at 6 p.m. with 50+ comics and wait until 6:45 for the list to be posted. It's a long shot; a combination of new names that pop out, friends of the hosts, and maybe a couple of randoms. I'd hear comics grumble over and over that it's rigged, but I brought a buddy who just started standup and he was picked the first time he signed up, so you never know.

Anyway, on December 1, 2014, they posted the list and Brandon Brickz called it out,

"Marty Wurst!"

(sings) I've got the gol-den ti-cketttt!

It really was exciting. Plus Jeremiah Watkins was hosting, who I sort of knew.

You talk to comics about the Original Room and I'm sure they'll say the same thing. There's so much history, it's got the perfect stage, perfect lighting, and the whole room is painted black, so everyone is focused on the performer. It's also the most deadly when you bomb.

I bombed for 3 minutes and Jeremiah was merciful on my exit.

"Guys, he had stage presence, he had character work... should've given a little bit more than that."

The performance sucked for a number of reasons, but I finally did it.

I'd had a good set on this stage before, but it was a bringer show. The potluck open mic actually meant something. I was finally a comedian. A shitty one, but I'd been coming for months and I finally got my 3 minutes. It felt like an honest failure. Many more to come.

To be continued... (when my girlfriend proofreads the next chunk)