#universe's worst dad. universe's worst boyfriend. universe's worst brother. universe's worst boss. he's got the whole collection ❤️

[vamprisms]

morpheus drinking from a cup that says universe's worst dad

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

Dean One Shots #3

Dean x reader

The Jealous Type (Dean x reader) - Dean tags along to the reader’s high school reunion where meeting one of her ex’s makes him feel threatened.

Imperfect Little Demon (Demon!Dean x reader) - Dean is a demon and Sam and the reader have been attempting to cure him for two months to no avail. Dean’s getting out more often though and it’s only a matter of time before he finds a way out of the bunker for good. Can the reader and Sam figure out a cure or are they stuck with Dean as a demon forever?

Cabin Fever (Dean x reader) - The reader and the boys take a break from hunting for the holidays to head up to an out of the way cabin to meet up with some friends and have an old fashioned Christmas together.

Years In The Making (Dean x reader) - The reader meets the Winchester boys at a young age and develops a special bond with one of them in particular.

Sweetheart Firefighter (Firefighter!Dean x reader) - The reader ends up saving a man from a fire after a night out with her best friend Sam. Only it turns out to be his brother.

Wanted (Detective!Dean x reader) - The reader is wrongly convicted of a crime she didn’t commit by Detective Winchester.

Dark Side? (Demon!Dean x reader) - The reader is searching for Demon Dean. He finds her first and makes an unusual offer.

Alpha & Omega Life (Alpha/Omega!Dean x Alpha/Omega!reader) (smut) - After Alpha!Dean complains to Omega!reader that she has an easier life than him, the pair recruit the help of a supernatural being to teach Dean a lesson.

Save Your Skin (Hunter!Dean x vampire!reader) - The reader, a vampire, stumbles upon a hunter, Dean Winchester.

Save Your Skin (Part 2) (Hunter!Dean x vampire!reader) - The reader crosses paths with Dean again.

My Sweet Lord (Actor!Dean x reader) - When the reader’s nose is broken in gym class during senior year, she speaks to Dean Winchester for the first time, none too fond of the best friend of her school bully, Tom. But neither one could realize how important that one small act would be.

The Family Business (Serial Killer!Dean x reader) - The reader’s night doesn’t turn out as she expected when she winds up in the hands of serial killer.

The Family Business (Part 2) (Serial Killer!Dean x reader) - Dean tells the reader they’re working a case but she’s convinced she’s about to wind up as his next victim.

Forward (Daddy!Dean x reader) - The reader recognizes one of the strippers at her friend’s bachelorette party and life takes a turn for the Winchesters.

Dean & The Diner (Alpha!Dean x Omega!Reader) - When one of the patrons in a diner sends the reader into heat, they’re both forced to consider that it’s meant to be.

Forget Me Not (insane asylum au!Dean x reader) - The reader finds herself stuck in an insane asylum where she makes a new friend who wants to help her out.

Lost & Found (Afterlife AU!Dean x reader) - The reader wakes up in the afterlife to discover she’s got some searching to do in this new world.

Not So Happy (Dean x reader) - Dean and the reader have to pretend to be married to work a case. The only thing is they aren’t getting along.

Rainbow Dash (Dean x reader) - Dean and the reader go on a run of the mill witch case that leaves him feeling not quite like himself.

New Guy (PE Teacher!Dean x English Teacher!reader) - There’s a new gym teacher at school and the reader hits things off with him.

Stuffed Bunny (Dean x reader) - The reader sleeps with her stuffed animal because it helps with her anxiety, especially after difficult hunts. Sam and Dean find out about it and have different reactions to the news.

Fresh Starts (Pirate!Dean x reader) - Reader is having a relaxing day out on the water when she comes across a man in need of some help. Or not.

Romeo, Romeo (Undercover Cop!Dean x Mafia!reader) - Dean goes undercover and joins the Mafia in order to take them down because they killed his family, but things gets complicated because he falls in love with the bosses daughter.

Long Time Running (Alpha!Dean x Omega!reader) (smut) - The reader is warned to stay away from scary Alpha, Dean Winchester. Only when she runs into him, he turns out to be a kind man and courts the reader before sweetly claiming her.

Don’t Move (Dean x reader) (smut) - Sub Dean can’t move. He doesn’t have a problem with this.

Better Man (Endverse!Dean x reader) - In order to be kept safe, the reader is sent to another universe per Dean’s dying request. However, the place she winds up in isn’t all that great and neither is the man that finds her.

Better Man (Part 2) (Endverse!Dean x reader) - After getting to know endverse Dean better, he confronts the reader about their friendship.

Happy Litter Accident (AU!Dean x reader) - The reader gets pregnant but when the father leaves, Dean steps up to help her with whatever she needs.

Thunder & Rain (AU!Dean x reader) - The reader is quietly trying to put her life back together after a traumatizing incident, only to have a stranger break in one rainy night.

It’s Gonna Be Okay (Dean x reader) - After the reader says yes to Lucifer in an attempt to stop him, Dean pays the price.

Patient D.W. (Dean x vet!reader) - Dean is hurt on a hunt and Sam takes him to a vet to help save him.

Lullaby (Dean x reader) - Dean decides to get in some practice when he and the reader are forced to sleep in separate rooms.

Come Again? (Baker!Dean x reader) - The reader is working late one night when her coworker Dean tells her something.

I Won’t Tell ‘Em Your Name (Neighbor!Dean x reader) - After a failed attempt on her life by her husband, the reader is forced into witness protection and a new home where she meets her new neighbor, Dean Winchester, who may be exactly what she needs.

Bedside Manner (Nurse!Dean x Surgeon!reader) - Dean’s having some stomach issues but the reader thinks it may be something else.

The Deal (Criminal!Dean x reader) - The reader is on vacation when the bank she’s in gets held up. Only they aren’t there for the money, they’re there for her. Her only option to get through this might be a little help from one of her kidnappers but even he isn’t exactly what he seems.

Feelings (Cop!Dean x reader) - The reader decides that she wants to be a mom despite not being in a relationship. Luckily her best friend Dean has offered to stick by her side through it all.

Knight Winchester (Knight!Dean x Princess!reader) - The reader is tired of looking for a suitable future husband but she’s not having much luck. Especially when one of her Knight’s betrays her.

Omega In Need (Alpha!Dean x Omega!reader) (smut) - The reader is having the worst heat of her life and desperately needs an Alpha to get her through it.

Too Late (MOC!Dean x reader) - Dean pushes the reader away when he has the Mark of Cain.

Dirty Girl (Dean x reader, Sam x reader, Castiel x reader) (smut) - After the reader reveals her dirtiest, kinkiest fantasy to her boyfriend Dean, he helps her get her fill.

The Corner Booth Guy (Omega!Dean x Alpha!reader) - The reader meets an Alpha one day at the coffee shop but he’s not exactly what he seems.

Heading Home (Alpha/Purgatory!Dean x Omega!reader) (smut) - The reader finds Dean in purgatory but he’s got the itch to do something before they leave.

All In Good Fun (Alpha!Dean x Alpha!reader) (smut) - Dean and the reader are having a small prank war when one of Dean’s goes wrong.

Head Games (Dean x reader) - The reader takes an extra liking to Dean’s shirts after a hunt goes wrong. But as time goes on, she starts to think that maybe she can’t trust her own head.

Girls, Girls, Girls (Demon!Dean x reader) - While the reader is working a case undercover at a strip club, Dean shows up and offers his help. The reader realizes he’s not the same Dean she once knew though and has the feeling he might be up to something more than just the hunt.

Someday (Greek God!Dean x reader) - Dean is a Greek God in training but he’s still human until he can get his powers to present.

Big Brother (Dean x reader) - After a witch hunt gone wrong, Sam and Dean have landed themselves in prison and can’t remember who they are, making the reader’s breakout attempts all the more difficult.

First Ghost (Weechester!Dean x reader) - When John Winchester and Bobby Singer have to work a ghost hunt, they have to leave the kids behind to fend for themselves. But when the kids stumble into the ghosts their dads are looking for, they might have to take care of it themselves.

The Offer (Michael!Dean x reader) - Michael is in control of Dean at the moment and the reader is working to get him free but the archangel catches her off guard one night and approaches her with a deal.

Black Eyes (Demon!Dean x reader) - The reader, one of Azazel’s gifted kids, loves demon blood to fuel her powers. When Dean Winchester becomes a demon himself, she decides she wants to keep him.

Soft (Dean x reader) - The reader helped rid Dean of Michael today but it came at a cost.

Good Girls & Bad Boys (Mafia Boss!Dean x reader) - Dean is a Mafia boss that frequents the restaurant the reader works at. She’s been told to be careful of him but he seems to have a soft spot for her.

Mine Now (Michael!Dean x reader) - Dean thinks the reader made a deal with Michael to free him but it’s not quite that simple.

Wolf Girl (Dean x werewolf!reader) - The reader finds herself in a bad situation when she’s caught by the Winchesters.

I Know A Guy (Dean x reader) - Dean runs into an old flame on a hunt and they talk about what caused them to break apart in the first place.

Snowy Night (Dean x reader) - Dean and the reader walk back to the Impala on the first snowy night of the winter.

Nightmare (Michael!Dean x reader) - The reader has been plagued with nightmares for weeks over a man in a suit and tweed cap. When she bumps into him on a dark night though, he claims to be something else altogether.

Wicked Game (Michael!Dean x reader) - Michael discovers that Dean has an old girlfriend he cares a great deal for and attempts to threaten her as a way to control Dean. He doesn’t expect to end up falling for her himself.

Something New (Dean x reader) (smut) - Dean loses a bet to the reader while on a case and agrees to let her try something new out on him.

An Innocent Man (Alpha Endverse!Dean x Omega!reader) - The reader is from a community where Omegas are forced to mate with an Alpha chosen by the head Alpha. She manages to run away and in order to have an easier life, she fakes being claimed with make up.

[archive-moodybmood]

some small Lovely Creatures verse (formerly known as Son of a Gun verse) La Squadra headcanons that I’m writing with:

Gelato is the oldest of La Squadra at 42, Sorbet the second at 40.  Risotto was actually the youngest until the acquisition of Ghiaccio.  Gelato was pretty much Team Dad from the start until his boyfriend was finally recruited and then he was the Fun Dad.  La Squadra might not have necessarily gunned so hard for revenge if the Boss had ordered the deaths of literally anyone else on the team, but they killed the father figures of 3/4 the team (and 90% of their impulse control) in the worst way possible.

Risotto, Gelato, and Prosciutto, at the time of their deaths, were the only three that were part of the squad since the start, with the rest of the founding members either dead or forced to retire.  Formaggio came next, then Ghiaccio, then Sorbet, then Melone, and then Pesci.

Prosciutto is Roman, Sorbet’s originally from a small town in Lombardy before running away as a child to Milan (and is the first to tell you how much he fucking hates Milan), Illuso’s from America, Risotto’s canonly Sicilian, Gelato’s from Aosta Valley, and the rest are Neapolitans.  Gelato’s got no clue what Ghiaccio’s saying half the time but damn it, he supports him.

Sorbet and Gelato speak French at home.

Risotto’s not a capo and has less say in the direction his own team goes than most team leader.s  While he doesn’t necessarily hate his capo, he knows he’s a complete afterthought in comparison to the information analysis team.  One of the biggest sticking points is that he’s got little input into the recruitment process and who does/doesn’t get to be on the team.  He explicitly didn’t want Ghiaccio because while he’s not a morally upstanding guy by any means, even he can tell you making teenagers kill is how you fuck up a perfectly good kid, but didn’t get the final say and couldn’t shield him forever.  Sorbet and Gelato were supposed to be a package deal but it took years (and some trickery on Sorbet’s part) to get him on the team.

Ghiaccio took Sorbet’s death particularly hard because Hell Broke Luce could be used to absorb negative emotions and he’s not actually used to dealing with his fear.  When Ghiaccio’s scared, he gets punchy.

The cat is okay!  He took her out of baby jail right after and his neighbor catsits for him when he has to go out on missions.  His neighbor has a new cat now.

Illuso’s late sister married Hol Horse, though it wasn’t a great marriage because it turns out cheating on your wife with Mista’s hot mom (as well as various other women, not all of whom are moms) is not actually respecting women.

Prosciutto and Pesci aren’t actually brothers. Pesci just latched onto him super hard despite the fact that you probably shouldn’t latch onto Prosciutto.

Prosciutto’s 100% dead inside!  The lights are on but no one’s home!  This man’s gone!  As far as he’s concerned, Prosciutto hasn’t inhabited his own body in years.  He feels like a zombie going through the motions and all that’s left is irritation and exhaustion.

Risotto’s ex-boyfriend on the information analysis team came back from a research trip out of the country to his team in pieces at the hands of his ex, La Squadra decimated, and a sixteen-year-old as boss of Passione, and that’s not all the reason why Blixa Bagna’s continuously melancholy, but it doesn’t help.

It’s forbidden to discuss food in the La Squadra hideout because Risotto Nero’s not made of money and he’s not paying to have any more walls replaced because certain people insist on throwing down over pasta.

Gelato’s long been aware of a messenger girl in Passione who’s made it her life’s mission to one day kill Illuso and he’s so enchanted by this even though he’s friends with him as much as Gelato’s friends with anyone.

Risotto trained himself to walk silently by wearing a hat with bells on it.

Pesci’s been with La Squadra for awhile but after Ghiaccio turned out how he did, Risotto made an effort to protect him as much as possible, which is why he hadn’t actually killed anyone until the end.

Pesci trained more with Sorbet and Gelato than he did with Prosciutto until their deaths.  Prosciutto’s actively giving Pesci more anxiety and under normal circumstances, Risotto would have chewed his ass out, but much like Prosciutto, Risotto Nero’s 100% dead inside now and only 25% here in the present!

Risotto 100% blames himself for not noticing that Sorbet and Gelato were mutually self-destructing hard by going after the Boss’ identity.

Ghiaccio doesn’t actually like cold weather very much.

Everyone makes fun of Formaggio but if it wasn’t for him, none of them would have cars.

Very few members of La Squadra have actually seen Risotto’s stand because they’re just a bunch of funky little dudes who live inside his body but it’s a universally agreed upon fact that they’re adorable...but they’re also constantly crying, which probably means something.

If you’re fighting a member of La Squadra fist-to-fist, no stands, the three most dangerous are: Risotto (he’s giant), Sorbet (he kickboxes whenever he anxious, so this means he’s fantastic), and Formaggio but only after he’s had a few.

Pesci held hands with someone once and it was the greatest moment of his life.

The one thing Sorbet’s -the one guy who keeps accidentally adopting all these kids that Passione keeps letting in- extremely sensitive about due to deep-seated issues?  Children in danger.  The thing his team immediately tried to do once he died?  Attempt to kidnap and probably torture a teenager.  Way to go, guys.

[fizziefizzco]

Multiples of five for Sala for that new one

awww shucks ,,,, here goes ;]

[5] - What are your character’s taunt and compliment options? Do they issue a universal gang sign for the Saints?

Visala uses the "are you fucking crazy?" taunt, and the "ok" compliment in SR2; In SR3 she uses the "Eff you two" taunt and the "It's not Unusual" compliment; In SRIV it's the "Woo scream" compliment and the "Angelmania" taunt

[10] - How did your character react to the way Stilwater changed after their coma?

Honestly? It terrified her. She still doesn't get used to tech, even in the years after sr2 when she becomes president. The jump in technology was the worst thing to adjust to, and its something she doesn't like to talk about.

[15] - What were your character’s impressions of Steelport? How well did they adjust to being away from home?

Steelport was great, but Visala never really thought it was a permanent home for her. She kept kind of expecting to go back to Stilwater but it never happened.

[20] - What did your character do after they killed Zinyak and took over his empire?

Went to other planets and brokered peace first of all, before using the empire to create space stations for the displaced people that zinyak captured to live on since she didn't want to overcrowd the planets.

[25] - What is the most memorable, depressing/negative moment your character experienced?

Pre- Sr it would be the scandal that caused her to be expelled from college. She was framed for a huge cheating scandal and no one would believe her because who she was. There was evidence in her favor, and the police burned it and her 'friends' said nothing.

Sr 1 it would be the boat explosion, obviously. Nothing feels worse than getting exploded and being put into a coma that drastically changes the world around you making you feel out of place and isolated.

Sr2 it would be Aisha and Carlos' deaths. She never really listened to her father when he tried to warn her about the dangers of gang life, because she always thought herself to be better than him. Better than stilwater. Watching her friends die horrifically in front of her eyes in SR2 absolutely broke her, as it did johnny.

Post Sr2 she gets attacked by an ex-boyfriend, and the person who ultimately set her up for getting expelled. He tries to make amends, but it's all a setup for the police to roll in on her. She's permanently blinded in an explosion.

Sr3 it would be Johnny's supposed death. I could write a whole essay on how Johnny is responsible for making boss the way they are sr2 onward, but I won't. She definitely crumbles a lot after this, the very moment they have downtime after everything crazy happens.

SRIV it would be watching the earth blow up, because i know Zinyak would have forced her to see that shit after she tried to stop him. A part of her thought that Johnny was still back there, dead, and it was even worse. Knowing that all of her loved ones (besides her brother, sister, etc etc) were dead and obliterated. But at this point,,, she was so numb to it all.

[30] - What is your character’s family like? How would they react to your character being part or associated with the Saints?

Visala's dad is named Emilian Hugo Galvez, and he was one of the Ogs from before that dropped his flags when the original saints were formed. He trusted Julian and King, and believed in them from the start. He didn't mind Sala joining the saints in the beginning, because he knew the people leading them would be good for her. At the end of sr1 however, he is beyond pissed with Julian and is the one that finds Sala before the police get to her because Julian called him in one last act of guilt.

Visala's mom is Nara Galvez, and she was part of Emilian's gang in the past as a driver and mechanic. She got into an accident that lost her ability to have kids after she had Sala, and it was what finally encouraged Emilian to drop flags because he wanted a safer town. She loves her daughter, and was the one to encourage her to go to Santo Ileso for college despite how her daughter acted back then. She's no nonsense for the most-part, and was captured by Zinyak for her driving ability .

Saana Galvez is Sala's younger adopted brother. He wants to be an actor, and has gotten a lot of bit and extra roles that haven't taken him far. He was the most hurt when Sala burned bridges prior to leaving Stilwater, seconded by Johnny and Aisha, and is a stripper in sr2. He falls in love with Josh because of how crazy ass he is and is captured by Zinyak along with Josh.

Ai Galvez is Sala's younger adopted sister, and a 1337 hacker. She is around Matt's age in sr3, and so was young when Sala burned bridges. She's just as good as matt in hacking, and replaces kinzie in my heart and mind because i hate kinzie. is captured by zinyak for the aforementioned reasoning.

[35] - What radio stations or songs from the series does your character listen to? Are there any non-series songs you attribute to your character?

107.77 the mix. Nuff Said

As for non-series songs, I have a long tradition of drawing Sala each year while listening to " Purple Yellow Red and Blue by Portugal. the man" because I think it fits the saints perfectly. Also, Paper Planes by MIA and any gorillaz song ever.

[40] - Name the top three Saints your character got along with the most.

Oleg (who is one of the only ones who notices her issues in sr3 and tries to help her work through them) (he is in sriv in my heart and mind because who decided that a literal russian superhero would be skipped over in zinyak's choosing)

Johnny Gat (because obviously. top tier friendship of all time in gaming history)

Pierce ( Who gives a fuck about pierce ... I do baby ... I do... )

Asha Odekar is tied with pierce though tbh

[45] - Who (if anyone) did your character romance? If they romanced someone (or multiple people) how did they get together?

She ultimately romanced Johnny in the end, but ever since forever she'd been in love with both him and Aisha. Which is why when she left Stilwater, the two of them were really hurt. She didn't really think much of coming back, and the three of them were not close when she joined the saints. Right before Aisha died is only when she began to make a move, in fact - they were going to meet up for a date when it happened.

In Sr3 however, she was completely broken, and had an affair with Jenny from the Gangstas in Space DLC. Jenny thought they were more than what they were, but Sala didn't. Oleg had to help her before it got worse.

Come SRIV, she had a short thing with Shaundi because they were both lonely and horny, but both of them knew that it wasn't worth it at all. Johnny came back, and Sala and him decided to start over in pursing each other.

[50] - Do you have any alternate universes or crossovers involving your character?

Agents of mayhem served as a prototype for reboot visala, because both of them are Salas who never returned to stilwater. AOM Sala ended up joining LEGION for reasons similar to her joining Marshal in the reboot.

[yetanotheremptypage]

Happy Fanfiction Writers Appreciation Day!

It’s another fic rec list! Here’s last years, which includes a link to my 2016 recommendations. They are all amazing, so you should definitely check them out, but in the mean time, here’s some more. I tried to tag most of the ships and/or fandoms, so if you ship any of those or are in the fandom, check out the recs below the cut. Of course, there are plenty more amazing fanfictions/writers out there, and to them, I give a huge THANK YOU! Finally, for the shameless plug, if you have any interest in any of my stories, links can be found here.

Arms Extended (Gen, Bandstand) AO3 [Complete]

a remix of “welcome home (finale)”

(or: the moments that inspired the lines of julia's poem)

Bandstand on the whole deserves more love, attention, and fanfiction, especially because the relationship these people build is so beautiful and there’s so much to be explored. This fic does it BEAUTIFULLY, and I can’t stress it enough. TW: I mean it’s Bandstand so anything that applies there applies here

Cut, Print, Moving On (Gen, Smash) AO3 || FF [In progress]

An imagined third season, starting approximately two years after the Tony Awards.

This fic is perfectly written and explores all of Smash’s complicated, messy, great relationships, romantic and otherwise, beautifully.

Epic Love (Han x Leia, Star Wars) AO3 || FF [Complete]

Here is what is believed: that Leia Organa has been abandoned by her husband and her brother, the two men who loved her best, in her time of greatest need. But things are not always as they seem. A TFA fix-it fic about family, the Force, and the love that could save the galaxy. Again. Also features Luke, Chewbacca, Rey, Finn, and mentions or cameos by several others.

I love the new Star Wars movies, I do. But this fic treats Han, Leia, and Luke so much better than TFA does. Please go read this pure perfection of a work and give it all the love it deserves. While you’re at it, check out... Everything else @lajulie24 has written; it’s all golden.

Everything I Never Knew (Emmett x Rosalie, Twilight) AO3 || FF [Complete]

Because sometimes a split second decision changes a life… One night, Rosalie Hale walked a different way home. Because of this, she didn’t meet Royce on the road and the worst night of Rosalie’s life happened to someone else. So what happened when Rosalie was never hurt, never turned vampire, and got everything she had always thought she wanted?

I love a good AU, and Rosalie and Emmett seem the best suited for one. Their connection is amazing and well-written and honestly, everything makes sense to me. I lowkey wish things could have played out this way for them, but alas, they didn’t, so let’s read fic instead. TW: Spousal abuse, bear attack so like blood and stuff

hey baby (i think i wanna marry you) (Donna x Josh, The West Wing) FF [Complete]

Josh goes to dinner with his old law school study group. He ends up defending the institution of marriage, before going home to Donna. Set in the Santos administration.

It’s just such a cute, fluffy little piece. How could I not, you know?

in a storm in my best dress (Percy x Annabeth, Percy Jackson and the Olympians) AO3 || FF [Complete]

"Point is, Percy's not used to being swamped in friends. So you can bloody well imagine his shock when he wakes up one morning and looks impulsively at his arm and there’s one, two, three, four, five, six, seven Marks on his line and holy crap the seventh is a soulmate mark."

or, Percy finds it difficult to make friends and Annabeth is the popular girl with a heart of steel. Soulmate AU.

Not gonna lie, this is a behemoth-- two chapters that come out at like 70k which like, damn, most of my one-shots aren’t even 1500 words, you get props for that alone. However, every word is perfect. There’s lot of pining, and hey, Percy Jackson with anxiety? Works. I saw my own anxiety reflected all over the place which... Was not the main reason I fell in love with this fic, but it’s nice to be recognized, you know? No, I fell in love with this fic because it’s about falling in love and making friends and growing up. And it’s beautiful, so go read it. TW: Anxiety attacks (Is that a tw? Oh well)

Miracles, etc. (Wanda Maximoff x Vision, Marvel Cinematic Universe) AO3 [In progress]

Wanda Maximoff’s life has been a set of frightening miracles: living in a war torn country as an orphan, escaping her anarchistic biological father, and surviving the American foster system with seven older foster siblings. Now 26 and working as a hotel waitress, Wanda has very distant plans for love and for a child. Unfortunately, her complicated life is about to get more complicated when a medical mix-up leaves her artificially inseminated with a stranger’s sperm. That stranger? Her boss, with an equally dark past.

Now pregnant- and possibly falling in love- Wanda finds herself with only nine months to rethink her entire future. Because the only thing more frightening than a miracle… is parenthood.

Did you know that a Jane The Virgin AU is EXACTLY everything you ever needed for this fandom, and specifically this pairing? My depression is cured, my skin is clear, and my crops are thriving, especially now that there’s new chapters again. Read this fic, please. It will not disappoint, especially if you enjoy JTV’s tongue-in-cheek style humor. Also dad!Clint.

My Beauty, My Baby (Gen, Downton Abbey) FF [Complete]

Cora and Sybil share a moment on the eve of the birth of Sybil and Tom's child. This story takes place in Season 3, sometime between Episodes 4 and 5. This is a bit of a departure for me, but the title words were an inspiration.

This is just so lovely. Sybil and Cora’s relationship is, I feel, kind of unexplored, so this was such a lovely treat.

people can surprise you (or not) (Anya x Dmitry, Anastasia) AO3 [Complete]

He's a poor joke of a journalist, she has something to prove to her family, and they're in here for a hell of a ride.

(“You’re asking me to be an asshole to some random woman just to prove a very sexist and offensive point like I’m some guy on Reddit who has no idea women are actually people?”)

(“Next Wednesday. I bet you can’t find a guy tonight, in this bar, and keep him until next Wednesday. Prove me wrong and introduce him to Nana during the gala. As your boyfriend.”)

OR, the reversed How to lose a guy in 10 days AU nobody asked, but everybody gets.

Angst, fluff, pining, misunderstandings, this has got it ALL. And it’s written flawlessly to boot.

Take Me Back To Me (Mary x Matthew, Downton Abbey) AO3 || FF [Complete]

When heiress Mary Crawley finds herself in the headlines for her third scandal of the year, Cora decides that it is time for Mary to turn her public image around. The solution? Hire humanitarian lawyer Matthew Crawley, whose new charity just happens to need a new donation, to play Mary’s boyfriend. (Modern Mary/Matthew!Fake Dating AU)

Were you aware you needed a modern fake dating AU for these two? No. But you do. It cleanses the soul with its perfectness. Go read it. TW: Descriptions of past not quite rape but I think it’s still classified as sexual assault

The Only Crime Is To Lose (Gen, Game of Thrones) AO3 [I think in-progress?]

The series doesn’t have a description, so here’s my attempt at one: The major houses of Westeros are crime families at war. This author expertly adapts the plotting and relationships into this scenario, which takes place after the Red Wedding-- which, in this world, involved Robb getting arrested and put away for life-- and most of the action surrounds the kidnapping of Jaime Lannister, though no one knows who did it. I’m not actually certain if this series is finished or not, but it leaves me reeling from unanswered questions and its overall beauty every time I finish the last story, so you should check it out so we can all share the pain. TW: I mean it’s Game of Thrones so like a lot of that stuff still applies

Treading Water (Annie x Finnick, The Hunger Games) AO3 || FF [Complete]

They don't tell you when you go into the arena that the lucky ones are those who die.

I don’t think I can state enough how amazing this fic is. The beautiful relationship between Finnick and Annie, the breathtaking way Catching Fire is woven into the story, and seeing the Games from the mentor’s perspective is fascinating. Go read this fic! TW: It’s the Hunger Games so anything from the books applies

we got the world (Jesse x Beca, Pitch Perfect) AO3 || FF [Complete]

"They say you're a freak when we're having fun, say you must be high when we're spreading love, but we're just living life and we never stop, we've got the world." Beca/Jesse, post-Kennedy Center flop. A series of missing Jeca moments from Pitch Perfect 2. COMPLETE.

Did you wish there had been more Jeca in Pitch Perfect 2? Then read this fic. It’s perfect in every way. (Written before PP3 though, so not canon compliant for that).

Willow (Anya x Dmitry, Anastasia) AO3 [In progress]

In a city by the sea, Anya and Dmitry find their footing.

Beautiful, happy Dimya, plus dashes of you know, revolution and angst and history. It’s gorgeous and perfect and go read it.

[yeomangamer]

After My Father’s Funeral Chapter 1

Summary: Funerals can be stressful, but so can weddings--especially with a family as effed up as theirs. Unfortunately for Leia, she has both to attend in one go. So much for repression. Modern AU 

Pairings: Leia/Han, Mara/Luke, Jyn/Cassian, Leia&Han&Luke&Mara&Cassian&Jyn, Uncle Owen/Aunt Beru

Chapter summary: Let the past die, bury it if you have to.

Chapter pairings: Mara/Luke, Jyn/Cassian, Past!Leia/Cassian, Luke&Leia&Mara

A/N:  Based on the idea that it would be really traumatizing to be a Skywalker in the modern day.  See Ao3 and FFN versions for full authors notes.

If Leia had learned anything from her albeit limited experience traveling, it was that bureaucracy was a bitch. “Bureaucracy is a lawyer’s best friend, Miss Organa,” her boss, Akbar, had told her. “These people, they try so hard to cover every little crack and crevice, but it’s our job to find where they were wrong.” Today, in-line at the airport, Leia was fairly certain it was the whole idea that was wrong with bureaucracy. After her ticket failed to work, she had to wait in-line to speak with a representative, having already spoken with two other employees and a supervisor. It was as if the universe was preventing her from going home, which she desperately wanted to take as a sign to switch her flight to someplace with tropical beaches. She was even considering Canto Bight, when it was her turn in line.

“Thank you for flying Rebel Air. How can I help you, ma’am?” The smiling woman said.

“Yes, hello, I have a last-minute booking to Naboo, and my tick-“

“We have a policy on exchanging flights for last-minute bookings, ma’am. I’m sorry.” The response was tired, rehearsed, as if countless people had tried to weasel out of the policy of the company.

She sighed inwardly, bidding the dream of the casino goodbye. “I don’t want to exchange, I want to get on my plane, my ticket won’t check me in.”

“How odd, may I see your ticket and some ID, please.” Leia handed both over, and the woman scanned it. “Naboo, huh?”

Leia was not in the mood for smalltalk. “Yep.” The airport had to be the worst place for small talk.

“What brings you there? Big racing down there, I hear.”

“Yeah, yeah, I grew up there. I’m going for family stuff, you know. A funeral and then a wedding.” The representative nodded and smiled knowingly. How ironic, there’s no way she could’ve known.

The computer made a noise, not a good one either, and the rep made a face, and tried again. “Hmmm,” she said. “Odd, let me get my supervisor.”

Leia groaned and laid her face on the counter. She hated to leave her fate in the hands of strangers, without any agency as to getting anywhere. After a few moments, she huffed, trying not to lose her temper. She wasn’t in a hurry per se, but also wasn’t in the mood to spend any more time than she had to with airport employees.

The rep appeared with another employee. “I’m sorry about that Ms. Organa, here’s a new ticket for you, should work now,” the (presumed) supervisor told her, scanning the ticket. There was a happy sounding beep, and she took her ticket with a thanks.

She checked her bags, and sat down at her gate. The tv above the gate was on; she immediately regretted glancing at it.

“…the noted activist, and so-called ‘Champion of Free Speech’ Anakin Skywalker has died. The 65-year old had been battling lung cancer for nearly a decade before passing away at his home in Naboo on Friday. Skywalker first rose to fame as a leader of the Imperialists under the name ‘Vader.’ But Skywalker had moved away from the group in recent years—even calling it a ‘cult’ in one noted interview—to support pro-environmentalist groups. His family asks to make any donations to…”

“Quite the enigma, that man.” The voice made Leia jump, and she looked over to see a man sitting next to her looking at the TV. He saw that she had looked over and continued. “I read his book ‘Anti-anti-‘, and let me say—“ She immediately got up, took her carry-on bag, and moved to sit on the opposite side of the seating area with her back to the stranger. If the man was at all offended by her behavior, she neither knew nor cared.Skywalker certainly had a way of ruining everything, even the flight to his funeral.

The Naboo airport held one of her most treasured memories: when she had parted with her brother, Luke, for the first time since what she had dubbed the Ruling. They who had spent a majority of their formative years apart, only to be reunited at 16 through the worst of all circumstances, left each other for the first time since then in a tearful goodbye at the airport four years ago. At the time, she knew she wouldn’t miss the city, her old college, or even her (recently) ex-boyfriend, but she hated leaving her twin after trying so hard to stay together.

So today it was only fitting that it be Luke’s face to greet her at the gate. Their embrace was tight and full of longing, she hadn’t seen her brother since before they had turned 25. Leia turned and greeted the woman beside Luke with her own tender embrace and a kiss on the cheek.

“Mara, you look so well,” Leia said, gripping her soon-to-be sister-in-law’s forearms.

“Thank you, as do you as always. Thank you for coming sooner than we’d originally talked about, I’m sorry if it spoiled any of your plans.” She blew her red hair out of her face, smiling broadly.

“Well, if they were spoiled it’s how ol’ dad would’ve wanted it,” Leia released Mara and heading towards baggage claim.

“Now, Leia-“ Luke’s voice was a warning, one that she wasn’t about to heed.

“‘Now, Leia’” Leia mockingly repeated. “I promise to keep my comments to myself during the wake and the funeral, but I make no such guarantees about anywhere else.”

She couldn’t hear Luke’s sigh, but she knew it was there. They picked up her bag, and hopped into Luke’s old truck.

“When’re you going to get a new car?” Leia asked. “The windows still roll down.”

“Luke had said something about the end of days, but that is in contention,” Mara joked from the backseat.

Luke only smiled. Leia knew that he wasn’t bothered at all at Mara’s comment, or even at her’s towards Skywalker. Her brother had the most positive temperament of anyone she’d ever met; she resented him just a little for that.

“I hope you don’t mind staying with Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru,” Luke said as they crossed over Amidala bridge. The bridge connected the inner city and the boroughs of Naboo, a passion project of their late mother’s. They had named it after her, a symbol of how much she had been universally loved in her local community.

“Of course not,” Leia stated, only lying a little bit. It was difficult to pin blame on anyone for the unpleasantness that had framed the last ten years of her life. Luke was definitely not a candidate, and therefore should not have to suffer her contention. Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru were contenders as well as her own dear parents. The only person who Leia could surely, 100%, be blamed was Anakin Skywalker. And blame him she did.

They pulled into the drive-way of the Lars’ Farm, and all three each rolled out of the hot car—Luke’s air conditioning had quit sometime in college. Her Uncle and Aunt greeted her warmly, showing her to the guest room, which had, at one time, been Luke’s room. After the Ruling, Leia had sat with Luke in this very room and imagined their lives together growing up as they might have been. The faces of those who would raise them were blurry, but so many of the memories she’d constructed had felt so real, it was bittersweet to think of her childhood without him. Now the walls were bare of Luke’s Ahch-To and X-wing posters and the room certainly smelled better.

She was debating between living out of her suitcase or unpacking when Luke came in with his hands in his pockets and a peculiar smile on his face. Leia knew that look, as she knew every look--every movement even--of her brother’s. Choice words were about to be said, and she was sure she wasn’t going to like them.

“A bit different from when we were 18,” Luke commented.

“Certainly smells better.” That got a chuckle, but it didn’t really reach his eyes.

“Leia…” She sighed, and crossed her arms. “I’ve never been able to tell you what to do-

“Nor will you ever.”

“-but could you at least keep your comments about dad, our dad, to a minimum? Or at least confine them to just between us?”

“Mara knows perfectly well what I think about your father, no sense in hiding from her.” She tried not to be exclamatory, only firm, in her distinction of “your.”

Luke was not having said distinction. “He was your father too.” His tone was matter-of-fact, not loud.

“No, he wasn’t. A father is there for you, a father teaches you how to ride a bike and playfully threatens your prom date. Anakin Skywalker was not my father.”

Luke sighed, exasperated. “What more could he have done to redeem himself to you?”

Leia rolled her eyes. “Well, there’s no use asking that question now as there isn’t anything more he could do. He’s dead.”

“I know that, but what could he have done?”

“Not be a racist? Not inspire god-knows how many to kill? Not left our mother to die? Taken care of us after she died? Oh, and when he didn’t do all those things, how about not putting the fact that we are related to him in the goddamn public record? You know how many opportunities I’ve lost because of him? All a potential connection need do is google my name and right there is ‘daughter of noted activist Anakin Skywalker.’” She stood from the bed, ready to defend her viewpoint in the impending argument.

“You think I haven’t had doors closed in my face too? You really think you’re the only one to suffer?” They weren’t yelling, Luke never yelled. But his voice was firm and contentious.

“No, but you still defend him, he ruined our lives!” Leia didn’t understand how Luke could see the events of the past and come to any other conclusion.

“What would you have done, Leia? If you were in his shoes, what would you have done?” He had always seen the world through their results: Skywalker had brought them back together as brother and sister so ergo Skywalker was good.

“How can you continue to defend him? He’s ruined your wedding!” There were tears in her eyes now, threatening to fall.

“By dying? It’s not like he could choose when-“

“I wouldn’t put it past him.”

Luke sighed, and she felt the tension drop. Their argument would not escalate further. “Mara and I already live together, and we have the rest of our lives, the wedding is just a day.”

“One of the only days in your life where you have all of your loved ones together in one room.”

Luke shrugged. “Maybe you’re right, maybe he was comforted by the idea that everyone was going to be here anyway.”

Leia bit back her comment, knowing it was no use to argue with him. She sat back down, her temper deflated. Luke kneeled on the bed beside her and laid a hand on her shoulder.

“You have every right to be angry, and I hope one day you decide to let it go. Either way, I’m glad you’re here.” Leia bit back the tears until Luke embraced her and she let them fall, silently crying into his arms.

“Luke, Aunt Beru wants to know-“ Mara said, poking her head into the room. “Oh, sorry. Is everything alright?”

Leia nodded and wiped her face as Luke rubbed her back. “Yeah, it's just a lot, you know, to be back here, in this room. We tried weed in here, one time, did Luke tell you?” Luke was right, there was no use dragging Mara into her trauma.

Luke didn’t seem phased that she had lied about what was going on, and groaned. “Never again, I will never understand the appeal.” The three of them laughed and Leia fingered the duvet cover. She tried to tell herself it was only the jet-lag and airport that had made her so upset.

The Wake was the next day, and flew by before Leia even noticed. Both the funeral and visitation were closed events, invitation only, with enforcers hired to keep any unwanted company out. There was a slight mix-up that involved a Senator from Scarif but was soon sorted out without much hassle. Overall, the night was full of people wishing both her brother and her well. Though the stream of mourners was steady, there couldn’t have been more than a few dozen. Mara had mentioned something about the event conflicting with the races, and Leia laughed to herself that not even her father’s funeral could compete with this town’s obsession with racing. Most of the guests were also wedding guests, and promised to be there in a little over two weeks under much lighter circumstances.

“I hope they all RSPV’d, otherwise it's going to be terribly awkward to turn them away,” Luke said to Mara and Leia during a small break between mourners.

“‘Sorry great-aunt Myla, I know you said you’d be here two weeks ago, but that was then and this was now,’” Mara mimed Luke turning away elderly potential wedding guests. The three all cracked a smile and greeted another couple, Anakin’s former editor and his wife.

They had chosen a closed casket for both events. Still, Leia couldn’t help but glance at the casket every so often with a sick desire to set her eyes on Skywalker one more time. To see if he was really dead? Would she find joy in knowing he’d finally gotten what he’d deserved: a slow death, probably most of it in pain? She snapped her head away and shook her head. Pretty soon, she’d turn out like him: evil.

The funeral was the Friday after. In front of the mirror, Leia was hoping no one would notice that she’d worn the same black dress to both the wake and the funeral. She only had maybe two black dresses to begin with—white was more her color. And, even then, she’d had to pack for nearly a month and could only take so much with her. Besides, she was grieving, right? Who expected someone to be en vogue while in mourning? To finish the outfit, she wore big, dark glasses so that—hopefully—no one saw her rolling her eyes during the ceremony.

The temple was surrounded by natural beauty, flowering trees and even a waterfall. She was sure Luke had picked out this place. Another receiving line, more mourners. After a dozen or so, she was stifling a yawn and excused herself to get some water.

It was on her way down the hall that she ran into someone she had not expected to, and, from the look on his face, he had not expected her either.

“Cassian?” She said, removing her glasses.

“Leia, its good to see you again.” They awkwardly stood in the hallway. Cassian was with a very pretty woman their age, with big blue eyes and somewhat of a European face. If the rumors from Luke were true, then this must be...

“Leia, this is my fiancé, Jyn Erso. Jyn, this is…an old friend, Leia Organa. We went to school together.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” Leia said, smiling and extending her hand.

“Ditto.” So she was English. “Sorry about your loss.” She shook Leia’s hand. It shouldn’t feel weird, should it? To meet your ex’s fiancé. She tried to smile and push it out of her mind.

“Thank you both for coming, but, in truth, I had not expected you to be here.”

“It was more for your brother and Mara-“

“And you, of course,” Jyn interjected.

“Of course. You and Luke and Mara, we came to support you. How are you doing?” She couldn’t make out his tone, and therefore if he was referring to her life in general, the funeral, or the wedding. She said as much. Cassian chuckled and Jyn even cracked a smile. “All three, I guess.”

She addressed each in sequence. “Fine, ehh, and fine.”

“We should get together and catch up, the fo- five of us,” Cassian said.

“We’re having a party tomorrow night to celebrate the wedding,” Jyn said. “You’re invited, of course.”

“Well then, of course I’ll come,” Leia assured. The three of them started back towards the entrance where her brother and Mara were waiting.

“And we’ll have to meet, and catch up,” Cassian reminded.

“Yes, catching up, let’s. It was nice seeing you both, I’ll see you in there, and maybe after. Definitely tomorrow.” Leia talked as they walked. She took her place next to Luke as Mara kissed the cheek of some tall scruffy-looking guy. Leia figured he was probably one of her family as she had never seen him before, but thoughts of the man were quickly put out of her mind.

“Cassian! Jyn!” Luke said, shaking the hand of the two, Mara embraced them both.

“It’s great that you’re both here, we’ll see you tomorrow.” Mara told them and Leia nodded, already turning to the next person in line.

The funeral went by also without a hitch, though Leia had her fair share of eye-rolling and snorts—the latter of which she masked as sobs with the help of an acquired tissue. The speaker carefully skidded over Skywalker’s debatable crimes against humanity by simply referring to them as “dark times.” Leia had to pretend to blow her nose to contain the scoff from that one.

Soon enough they were wheeling the casket up the aisle and headed to the cemetery. Only close friends and family were attending, no more than ten or so people. Luke and Mara rode in Leia’s rental rather than Luke’s truck. They were right in the front behind the hearse.

“I don’t think I ever thanked you for coming early, Leia,” Luke said, and Mara rubbed his arm.

“No need, I wish I could’ve come sooner and helped out with any affairs that needed to be tended to.”

Luke shrugged. “There wasn’t much to sort, he knew it was the end and had already planned with money set aside. He was in the hospital for the last year, didn’t even have a house or many personal items. No, all he-“ Luke must’ve known that she wouldn’t’ve cared if Skywalker had wanted her at his funeral or not, and amended his statement. “All I wanted was for you to be here.”

“Then I’d do it again, one-hundred times over. Anything for my baby brother.”

Luke smiled. “I’m the oldest.”

“Are not.”

“Are to.”

“I can dig up the pictures of the birth certificates again, if you insist.”

Luke seemed to shrug. “Pictures can be doctored, unlike your attitude.”

That made Leia laugh out loud as they pulled into the cemetery, the loud bell proclaiming their purpose for visiting.

There was a small ceremony at the tomb-site, the speaker inviting anyone to come and say something. Luke gave a small speech, as did a few others, but Leia hardly noticed. She was looking over the rise to the group of men wearing all black who seemed to be staring at them. They had shaved heads. One raised a sign over his head that read: “Long-live the Emperor.” That was enough for Leia.

“Excuse me,” she said quite suddenly as she got up and to the enforcer who’d come with them, directing his attention to the intruders. He quickly spoke on a walkie-talkie, making his way in the direction Leia had pointed.

The group noticed the man heading towards them, and some started to run away. Most stayed put.

“Hold fast, brothers!” one yelled so that even the dead could hear. “They can’t stop our free speech!”

“We aren’t the government, you fucking dickhead! It's a private ceremony, and you’re intruding! Go be a waste of oxygen somewhere else, you ignorant, servile scum!” Leia shouted back.

“It’s you who are the scum! Not giving this great man a proper burial as he outlined in his 1986 manifesto!”

“Tell that to executor of his fucking estate with a will from circa 2014! Leave us to mourn in peace, and let the past die before I kill it myself!” Leia’s throat was hoarse, but she would gladly out-shout a symphony to keep skinheads away from Skywalker’s burial. Not for the sanctity of Skywalker’s grave or anything like that, instead for the sake of peace for those she loved.

“You hear that, she’s threatening me!”

By now the enforcer had caught up to them, and most of the group had fled. But the person conversing with her across the cemetery had to be restrained and escorted out. Leia sat down and with a nod, the speaker continued as if not missing a beat. No one seemed too surprised something like this would happen. All Leia could think was it figured that Skywalker could even ruin his own burial.

They lowered the casket and began burying it. As they did this, Leia made her way over to a different plot, placing the bouquet she had brought with her on the tombstone: “Here lies ORGANA Bail and Breha, loving wife, husband, parents, and friends. May the force be with us all.”

“Hi,” Leia whispered. “It’s been a minute.”

The wind whispered over the peaceful place.

“Wish you were both here, I think about you every day.”

She laid on her back, head on the flat stone as though it were a pillow, and imagined herself there, forever.

“Practicing?” A voice said and she cracked her eye open to see her brother, his tie untied, and dirt on his pants.

She nodded and closed her eyes. She heard the grass rustling as he lay next to her.

“Do you wanna be buried here?” Luke asked.

“Yeah, it’s so peaceful. You’ll be next to me, right?”

“Of course. I’ll even do you one better and split a coffin with you. Save us a lot of money.” With the private ceremony and unlisted grave, there was hardly any money left for the two of them. Leia had felt bad for Luke what with the wedding three weeks away, and had refused what small amount was left for her, insisting he take it.

Leia laughed. “Go out of this life the way we came in?”

Luke also laughed. “I didn’t even think of it that way.”

“Hey, at least we’ll be together. I never wanna not be together, in one way or another.”

Luke sighed in agreement, and took her hand. They stared at the sky together, watching the clouds.

“You two should move to Coruscant, there’s a ton of writing jobs there. And it's not too far from Ahch-To, which I know you love.”

“We’ve talked about it.”

“You should do it.”

“We’ll see.” Luke was silent for another moment. “We should be getting back.”

Leia sighed and got up. “Any more appearances until the wedding?”

Luke looked pensive for a moment as he got up. “Well there’s Cassian and Jyn’s party tomorrow, and our party that we’re throwing and-“

“Ok, ok, I guess I’ll have to always be on my best behavior.” They started walking towards the cars.

“Thanks for getting after those guys,” Luke said after a moment of walking.

“It was my pleasure, I assure you.”

“Never thought you’d defend dad’s right to have some peace.”

“I was thinking mostly about how much I didn’t want to see you try to have a calm discussion with the skin-head before he reset your clock.”

“I could’ve taken them.”

“Sure.”

They reached the cars where most everyone had left, Mara was waiting by the car.

“There you two are, I was beginning to wonder if you’d fallen into an open grave or something,” she said.

“At least then we’d leave this life the way we came in,” Luke joked.

“Gross, you know, there is such a thing as too close, you two.”

“It was Leia’s joke!” Luke said as he claimed the front seat.

They started driving back Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru’s, stopping to get a late lunch.

“You met Jyn, right?” Mara asked from the backseat. Leia nodded.

“Yeah, she and Cassian seem cute together.”

“He’s great. She’s my maid of honor.” Leia nodded. “She seems really nice, kinda quiet. But nice.” “Well, we’ve been through a lot, the two of us. I’d like if you two got along. I know there’s some history between you and Cassian, but-” Leia shook her head emphatically. “There won’t be a problem, I swear.” “You’ll have to meet my best man,” Luke piped up.

“Speaking of someone she might have a problem with,” Mara muttered.

Luke looked over his shoulder at her, but Leia didn’t catch it. He ignored Mara’s comment otherwise. “He’ll be at the party tomorrow.” Leia hummed in agreement. “Try not to kill him, will you? Or at least wait to kill him until after the wedding.”

“I make no such guarantees,” Leia quipped, getting a small laugh. “But I promise to at least try to leave him in one piece for the pictures.” She racked her brain and trying to remember if Luke had said something previously about this guy. Did Luke even mention him at all? He kept up with such a strange crowd since dating Mara, who knew a lot of people in the racing scene. Leia groaned internally, praying to god he wasn’t one of those stuck-up racing types. 

[thirstyfortom]

Can you please write how story will turns out (after the party) if MC actually is a favourite daughter of the head of the most powerful criminal organization and even Saeran didn't know it, bc it was hidden very well? And her dad actually lost her for that 11 days. For RFA + Saeran +V. Hope, you'll like this idea. Love your writing!

I love requests like this, I’ve read them on other imagines blogs and it was so hard not to go the same way they did, so I tried to keep it soft. Like, her dad is very angry, but he can be very sarcastic and more passive aggressive than really violent and intimidating, and MC is the only one who’s not scared of him. And I think I just made this clear on Saeran one, but MC doesn’t have a mom here, which probably made her father even more concerned, since she’s the only one he has.

Hope you like it! ^^

TRIGGER WARNING: Mention of a panic attack on Saeran one

RFA + V and Saeran meeting MC’s criminal father

Zen                

Youtell him your gangsta boss dad wants to meet him

Hethinks is a joke at first, but when you two come to your father’s house and hesees the guns… boy

Hewas nervous just because he had to meet your father, now he’s pretty muchscared.

“Sweetie,is this your new bodyguard? If you wanted a pretty one, you should have askedme instead of looking for one on some stranger’s apartment. You roll your eyes.

“Oh,I’ve seen the news, isn’t that the guy accused of sexual harassment?” “Which healready proved being innocent, dad. Something that would never happen if youwent to trial. “

Zenis scared of seeing his delicate and sweet princess so feisty, but thinks yourinteraction with your father is kinda funny.

Notso funny when your father brings up everything he found about him. Schooldropout, former member of a biker’s gang and those promo pictures for“Promiscuous Jalapeno”…  your fatherdoesn’t even know what to think.

Butthe worst is the fact that you disappeared from his sight for 11 days and cameback with this guy… “Oh, she wasn’t with me for 11 days, sir. She’s been at myhouse for 2 nights, well, one and a half, technically…” ZEN, SHUT UP!

Bythat point you’re pretty much done with your dad’s passive aggressive threatsand Zen’s brutal honesty, so you snap: “Daddy, listen to me. I was staying atthis apartment for a couple of days, then he broke his leg and I went to hishouse to help him, but he kicked me out during night, which I must say… notcool, Zen! I got back to the apartment, which had a bomb on it, and then therewas this weird punk guy talking about taking me to paradise or whatever, andZen saved me, dad! I love him and I never felt safer like I feel around him!”

“You…saved her?” “Of course! She was left on her own at this apartment with a bomb!Can you believe it, sir?” and then the two of them started talking about yoursafety and… well, you were relieved they found something in common.

Inthe end, your father is very impressed about his fast healing and the fact thatthis isn’t his real name. “We work with fake names around here too.”

“Youlook very strong, son. If you ever consider changing careers, I might havesomething for you…” you refuse before Zen can say anything.

Yoosung

He’sso scared when you tell him your father wants to meet him

 Andyou didn’t even mention he is the head of the mafia

Whenyou do… poor thing, he keeps saying he’s fine, but you can see him shaking.

 Andall those guns on the dinner table aren’t helping at all…

“Hi,sir… I’m Yoosung Kim, I’m a vet student at Sky University, I’m 21 years old andthis isn’t my natural hair color!” What the fuck, Yoosung?

“Oh,Isee… sweetie, I thought you were bringing your boyfriend to dinner, who’s thatgirl?” “Very funny, dad.” He’s so terrified at the guns he doesn’t even hearthis comment.

“So,sweetie… long time no see, what you’ve been up too? I mean, besides going tostranger’s apartments and dating guys who could come across as your youngerbrother?” Now Yoosung listens, how mean…

“Nothingmuch, dad. I’ve been trying to get away from your overprotective care anddating a guy who hasn’t a criminal record, for a change. What about you?”Yoosung couldn’t believe the way you treat each other, if he ever talked withhis mother like that… well, he wouldn’t be here to tell the story.

Yourdad keeps throwing these shady comments during all dinner, and you know Yoosungdidn’t say anything yet because he’s trying to be respectful, not because he isa coward, so you let it out:

“Yoosung,don’t worry, I love you and I’m not going anywhere, no matter what my fathersays. And as for you, dad, I… do you really want to know what happened in those11 days? I’ll tell you! I was trapped with a bomb on his dead cousin’sapartment, may god rest her soul, and this guy  here did anything he could to find who led methere. See his eye? It’s MY fault! And it’s completely unfair to him to betreated like that when all he’s done to me is caring and loving me. So, please…just stop being this prick to the MAN I chose!”

“Whathappened to your eye, son?” “Oh, I… I was just gaining some time for my friendto run away, a guy… tortured me and…” “And you lived to tell? That guy was anamateur…” “Or maybe I’m stronger than you think, sir.” OH WOW!

Inthe end, your father really appreciates Yoosung’s devotion to you, sinceloyalty is something very important in his… business.

Healso likes how despite all that, he seems like a very innocent guy… oh, father!If he only knew the things you are gonna do with your boyfriend after seeinghim so confident like that…

Jaehee

Whenyou tell her your father wants to meet her, she seems fine?

Thenyou tell her about his… job, and she’s… not even impressed? Okay…

Itlooks more like you’ve never been here before, she… feels so calm…

“Hi,sweetie, you brought a friend for dinner?” “Girlfriend, daddy.”

“Oh…I see…” his tone is so monotone and cold, neither of you can tell what he’sthinking. Honestly, you can live with your father being a criminal, but hebeing a homophobic? That’s another story!

“Ishould have seen it coming, all these guys who work for me on this house everyday, and you never showed any interest on any of them.” “I like guys too,daddy, But the mafia thing, you know… is not really my type.”

“Well,sweetie, you should make up your mind before you hurt this poor woman…”“Bisexuality is a real thing, sir. And I won’t be hurt since I’m bisexual asyour daughter.” “Jaehee?” you look at her surprised, she’s not even looking athim and just calmly drinks her water.

“Okay,Ms. Kang. But should I be worried about you hurting my daughter, then? You seema little older than her, maybe a little more experienced, my daughter is aimmature naïve girl who disappeared from me for almost two weeks and came backthinking she’s bisexual… you are not using her, are you?” “Daddy, come on…”

“Youshould think higher of your own daughter, sir. She’s younger, but she’s smartand if you must know, she’s the one who’s been showing a lot more of knowledgein life helping me through my change of careers.” “Oh, really? Tell me moreabout that.”

And then she tells everything about leavingC  & R and opening her own business,and then she tells a little about her life, how was growing up at a house whereshe wasn’t wanted, graduating early in college and being a black belt in judo. sometimes I forget how baddass she is, Ilove her so much

Whenshe finishes, your dad is enchanted, and you fell in love with her all overagain.

 “Iapologize, Ms. Kang. You are a very amazing woman who does justice to anotheramazing woman. If you ever want some help with your business, I’ll be more thanglad to take down the competition…” “I would rather do that providing a goodservice, sir, but thanks…”

“Marryher, or I will…” your father whispers to you.

Jumin

Youtell him about dinner with your father.  He’s glad, he’s been longing to make yourrelationship official to both the families.

Whenyou tell him about  the mafia, he’s…curious. How come a sweet and innocent girl like you grew up at such a violentenvironment?

Hepromises he’ll try not to be judgmental, but as soon as he sees the henchmen inposition and the guns… he’s legitimately worried about you.

“Hello,how is your father?” “He’s fine, thank you for asking. Do you know each other?”“Well, his company has been a pain on my ass for a while now…” “It’s my companytoo, as it is very likely I’ll be the next CEO.” Jumin, shut up!

 “Isee… maybe we can do business pretty soon.” “Right now, I would rather focus ongetting to know my future father-in-law.” Uhh, Jumin, so smooth…

“Oh,so you’re the one who kept her trapped at your house for two days?” “I believeit was three days, sir.” WHAT THE FUCK, JUMIN? YOU’RE GONNA MENTION THE CAGETOO?

“Daddy,I was completely fine with him there. And I must say I felt way safer with himthan I ever felt here with all these… guns… and your… employees…” both of themen feel really flustered with your response.

“Now,sweetie, don’t be ungrateful. You might see me as overprotective, but I’malways concerned for your safety. And don’t let yourself be fooled. He lookslike a gentleman, but if he is anything like his father, you might be in trouble.”Oh boy…

“I’msure you mean well, sir. But I should warn you I’m nothing like my father. AndI must say I understand very well why would you be overprotective of such aadorable lady, but you should let her be free to make her own decisions. That’s…something I’m learning by myself as well…” both you and your father feel verythrilled right now.

“Well,I suppose she was safe with you after all, much better than being by herself atsome stranger’s apartment…”

Yourfather is very impressed about Jumin’s respect for you, he feels as reliable asany of his henchmen, and most importantly, you seem so happy… how can he fightagainst your happiness?

Dinneris over, and you accompany Jumin to his car where Driver Kim is waiting.“Jumin, be honest…” “Yes, MC?” “How many times you held yourself of answeringeverytime I said ‘daddy’?” “More than you would like to know, MC…”

Saeyoung

He’spretty nervous about meeting your father when you tell him.

Butwhen you tell him about his job, he’s surprisingly more relaxed?

Ohcome on, he’s been dealing with shady people his whole life! Why would he beworried?

“Ohsweetie, you brought a clown with you, when is your boyfriend coming?” Saeyounghas a comeback involving “coming”, you almost can read his mind and just glareat him, so he gives up.

“So…you must be the boy who got trapped with my daughter at some stranger’sapartment, then took her to this secret cult organization, huh?” “Yeah, and don’tforget the bomb!” Goddamit, Saeyoung!

“Well,if it makes you feel any better, daddy, he really tried to push me away, but Iwas very insistent.” “Push you away how, sweetie?” “The same things you used totell my mom…” oh, that explains a lot…

“Isee, so you were a jerk to her…” shit, you though it would be enough… it onlymade it worse!

“Yes,but if it is the same case here, I’m sure you were only thinking about yourwife’s safety…” “And yet she ended knocked up, are you trying to imply it’ll bethe case here?” SHIT SHIT SHIT!

Saeyoungsees his confidence fading away. This man is different, he’s not just somethug, he’s you father, the man who raised you. Why did he think he could beokay with all this? Your father is absolutely right about hating him, he putyou in big danger!

Yousee your boyfriend conscience splitting, it’s too much for you to handle, soyou vent: “Daddy, don’t be like that! Mom always told me how much you sufferedacting like that around her, he suffered the same way, daddy! Even worse,because the person who was after me it’s his own brother who he didn’t see fora long time and… daddy, if you only knew what kind of hell the two of them grewup….” You couldn’t help but cry, Saeyoung hugs you, he doesn’t even care yourfather is watching this.

“Tellme, son. I want to hear your story.” And then Saeyoung tells him everything,always holding your hand.

“Andyour father is the current prime minister? I never liked that guy, anyway. He’s always been a despicable little man!” that coming from the mafia’s head…

Saeran

He’sfreaking out about meeting your dad, because he doesn’t really feel comfortablearound, well… people

Thenyou tell him about your father’s job, and he thinks it’s kinda cute you tryingto joke to make him relax

Youtell him is not a joke, he doesn’t believe it because he did a whole backgroundcheck on you before deciding you should be the one to stay at Rika’s apartment,and there wasn’t no mention about this.

But,come to think of it, this kind of information shouldn’t be easy to find out,right? Oh shit…

But yourfather being a criminal doesn’t really bother him, he would be terrified abouthim even if your father were a geologistor whatever.

Theguns and the whole atmosphere on the house is very familiar to him… it remindshim of… oh no! He can’t go there on a moment like this!

“So…if this isn’t the one who kidnapped my daughter. Seriously, sweetie? StockholmSyndrome? I thought I taught you not to fall in love with criminals…”

“W-Well,sir, there’s also Lima Syndrome, when the kidnapper is the one in love…” oh no,Saeran… please keep quiet…

“Howromantic, huh?” your father scoffs, Saeran feels the air escaping from his lungs for a moment, no…no no! Stay calm, Saeran…

Dinneris being a disaster, your father keeps glaring and insulting Saeran on hisusual passive aggressive manner. You look at Saeran, you’ve seen him like thisbefore, he’s…

“He’shaving a panic attack!” you jump out of your chair and go to him, your fathernever seen you move so fast.  He observesyou helping this kid telling him to inhale and exhale like he learned intherapy… what’s going on?

“Thanksa lot, daddy!” “MC, calm down… I’m okay…” “No, Saeran, he has to listen! Dad,if you can live in peace with your own crimes, good for you, but not everybodyis capable of. You see this guy here? He tells me everyday how much he regretsthe things he did. I’m able to forgive the men I love, I did it with you, whywouldn’t I do for him?”

“You’re…in love with me?” “I already told you that, Saeran…” “Yeah, but if you’resaying in front of you father, you really mean it…” “Well, yeah, I meant beforetoo…”

Thenyour father realize this is just a very lost kid, like he used to be when wewas younger. Your mom passed away very young, so he always wondered if shewould be able to make him regret it and have a normal life. He’s so glad yourmother’s kindness lives through you and if you’re so willing to heal this guy,who is he to get on the way?

V

He’svery happy when you tell him your father wants to meet him.

Andhe doesn’t seem to mind your father’s job. “If he was able to raise such awonderful person like you, he’s not bad at all. Who am I to judge him, anyway?”This guy…

Andhe doesn’t even flinch when your father shower him with threats disguised asquestions. “Do you know what people like me do when their loved onesdisappear?” “Are you really that insane to show up here like nothing happened?”

 “Daddy,please stop…” “I’m just trying to understand what’s gotten into you, sweetie.This older blind guy and… you? I’m sorry to say, but I never knew you had somuch daddy issues…” “What are you even saying, dad?”

 “Withall due respect, sir, daddy issues most of times implies that the daughterseeks for his father features on men she falls in love with. For what I cantell, you and I are nothing alike.” Oh no… V being passive-aggressive gives youthe creeps more than all these henchmen…

“You’reright, I’ve never put her in dangerous on purpose. You, on the other hand,allowed her to stay at a place where I know it happens to have a bomb,correct?” “Yet, she claims she’s never felt safer, that says a lot about yourown household, no?”

Thispolite fight is driving you insane. How can they discus about you like if youwere not even there? “SHUT UP YOU BOTH! Dad, you have every right to be mad,but you should know this man here was doing his best to make sure that,whatever was happening, I wouldn’t be hurt, and he didn’t even know me thatwell… and V, please don’t talk to my father like that, he’s just as scared andworried as you were, and please, don’t ever talk about me or my life as if Icouldn’t speak for myself.”

“I’mso sorry, love, I had no idea I was acting like that!” he rushes to hug you andkeeps apologizing, your father wonders if this man is real…

“Sir,I sincerely apologize for my behavior. I know exactly how it feels wanting toprotect someone you cherish this much. Just know you raised an amazing womanwith the most beautiful soul and I deeply respect you for that.” Your fatherthought you were the one in danger? Now he feels sorry for this poor man havingto handle your temper… and nah, he can’t possibly be real, can he?

[merlinficreview]

But It’s A Good Refrain Review!

But It’s a Good Refrain by lady_ragnell

Word Count: 23090

Alright friends, enemies and others. I decided to use this for the next review because it’s got a fairly high number of hits. I thought about doing The Student Prince next, but since I just finished reviewing a Modern Royalty AU, I thought I would do something else first. I’ve never read this fic but it sounded vaguely interesting.

The fic opens with Arthur trying to change the radio channel from some girl calling into a talk show to complain about her boyfriend. Morgana refuses to let him change the channel. “’He isn’t torturing them,’ Morgana snaps. Arthur is especially sorry that he chose to drive down with her when she’s in an even worse mood than usual due to their father refusing to donate to the charity she runs. ‘He’s listening. Something that you obviously don’t know how to understand or do, but this show really helps people.’”

Put him in his place, Morgana! Also LOL Holy First World Problems, Batman. Did you catch exactly what Morgana was pissed about? Her dad not donating to the charity she wanted him to. I mean, I guess I get it if he was donating to Republicans or something else terrible like that, but the fic doesn’t imply that it was for anything other than small animals or children. Get over it, Morgana, someone who needed that money still got it.

Anyways, Arthur tells Morgana that talk shows like that are all scripted and fake. “’He is not a fake, and I know that because—‘ Morgana stops, cheeks going pink.” Oop. Busted.

“You have! You called Dragon’s Lonely Hearts like the Billy No-Mates you are.” Damn, Arthur. Not only are you making fun of her for calling a radio show for help, you’re saying she has no friends? Harsh. Morgana says that he helped her after a bad breakup. Good. You do you, Morgana, Your brother is the worst.

“’Well, I suppose they aren’t paying him or anything,’ Arthur allows. ‘My God, you’re mercenary. I always forget that about you.’ He just raises his eyebrows, since Morgana is the one who spends her life putting a bottom line on everything, even if it is for pandas or irrigation or whatever the hell her catchall charity is supporting this week.” An irrigation charity? Ok. Sure. If I were Uther, I wouldn’t have donated to that one either. And why wouldn’t Merlin (let’s all be real honest, we know it’s Merlin) be getting paid?

Then Morgana makes fun of Arthur for not being able to hold a relationship for more than three months. Pendragon Siblings, man.

So Morgana brings up Dragon’s Lonely Hearts while out at the pub and everyone except Arthur listens to the show, which Arthur is super bitter about. Arthur is even annoyed that his girlfriend listens to it.

Let her do what she wants, Arthur.

“(The breakup with Vivian four days later, incidentally, has nothing to do with this discussion, no matter what Morgana claims. It has everything to do, however, with Vivian’s habit of telling him what sort of ring she wants and leaving wedding magazines around his flat.)” I mean, I can’t fault Arthur for not wanting to propose to his girlfriend of three months. Yikes. That warrants a discussion first rather than a breakup though. “Hey man, I’m super uncomfortable with all these marriage hints you have been dropping. We’ve only been together a few months and I’m not ready for that step.” Done.

So then Uther asks Arthur if he should do commercials for the radio show. “Arthur firmly puts paid to that idea, since he suspects the audience of Dragon’s Lonely Hearts is quite liberal and wouldn’t appreciate Uther’s philosophies.” Told you Uther was Republican.

“The rest of it he finds out when he and Mithian go out for lunch and she cheerfully slips in a story about a friend of hers who got set up on a date through the show and how her boyfriend proposed this past weekend. ‘You should put your name in,’ she says, probably just because she knows it annoys him.” Damn the whole world listens to this show.

Mithian suggests that Arthur try speed dating, which Arthur shoots down ASAP. I don’t blame him. “When he does, she makes a great point of changing the subject, and Arthur assumes that’s all he’ll hear about Dragon’s Lonely Hearts for a while, that it’s one of those odd things that seems like it’s everywhere for a few weeks before fading into obscurity again, like the time when all of his friends ended up talking to him about ducks completely by chance within the same week.” Can we please get all these random conversations about ducks? This is cracking me up for some reason.

The next scene is two weeks later. Arthur is at the gym and you guessed it, Dragon’s Lonely Hearts is playing on the radio there. Vivian is calling in and bitching about Arthur.

Good.

“Well. It sounds like the Dragon takes a deep breath from the crackle of the speakers. You sound like an intelligent woman, Viv, so you know this already, but I’ll say it anyway: if someone doesn’t change their previous behavior, then they’ll never change the way their relationships end. This bloke—Arthur, right? This bloke clearly has a pattern that’s working for him, and if he’s doing things the same way he’s always done, then sure as anything, he’ll end it the way he’s always done as well.”

Go in, Merlin! Obviously Arthur can’t have that, so he leaves the gym to go call the show and will undoubtedly prove Merlin right. The thing that is most interesting to me is that Arthur seems mostly offended that he has being trash talked on a show that his sister is probably listening to. He specifically thinks about that. That’s weird to me. Be more concerned about your boss or coworkers hearing this, Arthur.

“When he does check his phone, after a few deep breaths and a swig out of a bottle of cider, he’s got texts from nearly all of his friends. He only bothers reading Morgana’s, since hers is undoubtedly going to be the worst, and puts up with having to scoll down several times through all the HAHAHA to get to I could almost feel sorry for you if it weren’t true.” See? I would be more worried about a coworker texting me, “umm is this you they are talking about on this show?” Or my boss. How embarrassing.

Mithian calls Arthur and tells him to turn on the radio because Merlin is taking a call from a woman who is specifically calling in about men like Arthur. “’A woman called in to talk about men like you,’ she says, but under it he hears —and I have never met a man like that who wasn’t a terrible user in some strange woman’s voice.

Neither have I, to be honest, says the Dragon, laughing a little, putting Arthur’s hackles right up. I do always have to keep in mind that I’m only hearing one side of the story, but someone who breaks up after three months nearly every time, who usually only dates his friends … well, that’s a sign of someone just looking for convenience, really, not love.”

Damn straight. Read him, Merlin.

So then Arthur decides to call in to the radio show, for reals this time. I mean… I would be fairly embarrassed and humiliated too. “A cheerful woman answers the phone. ‘You’ve reached Dragon’s Lonely Hearts, can I get your name please?’ ‘Arthur,’ he says as calmly as he can manage. There’s a pause. ‘Oh, shit,’ she says quietly, and then in a much less cheerful and more timid voice she says ‘Are you going to sue us?’” LOL I like her. Keeping the important stuff in mind.

“’I am not. But I would like to say that I don’t appreciate my friends texting me to let me know that people are talking about me on a radio show and making assumptions about my character that I can’t defend against.’ Another pause, and then the woman says brightly ‘I’ll put you through!’ in a tone that Arthur recognizes from the workplace, that of someone who doesn’t want to deal with whatever problem’s been dumped in her lap, and suddenly he’s hearing what must be the end of the song playing on the radio and someone counting down quietly to prepare to go on the air.” I have 100% used that annoying, “OK then! I’ll get the manager!” cheerful voice to get rid of someone insufferable before. I like this person and hope she sticks around.

So Arthur is put on the air and complains about all his friends making fun of him. Merlin asks him to share his side of the story but Arthur won’t. I don’t know what Arthur was expecting to happen then. “There’s very little to say about the other side of the story, I’m afraid. I get in relationships that I believe will work out, and if they don’t seem to be satisfying both of us I end them.”

How romantic…

Merlin tells Arthur that’s not why you date people. “You have no right to sit in a studio and judge people you’ve never met and who don’t ask for your advice. You know nothing about me and you aren’t saying anything you couldn’t get out of a university counseling textbook or a romantic film, so I’m going to guess you don’t know much about love either.” Arthur. You called HIM. Stop. Merlin then basically hangs up on him. Good.

The next morning, Morgana angrily knocks on Arthur’s door. “’You’ve got a fucking key!’ he yells anyway…” I don’t know why this is cracking me up so much but it is. Morgana refuses to use her key. She says it’s because she’s too mad. I guess.

Morgana says she knows Arthur feels bad about being a shitty person towards Merlin and asks what he’s going to do about it. Which is… strange? I mean if I were in Arthur’s position, I would just let the guilt gnaw away at me until it dissipated over time and I no longer had the compulsion to think about it every ten seconds and it became a distant, though embarrassing memory that I just think about occasionally. I could call the show and apologize if I were in this situation but let’s be honest, I wouldn’t. Letting things fester is basically my go to response for everything.

I guess I need to work on some things.

Morgana suggests that Arthur write Merlin a letter to apologize. “Don’t say maybe, Arthur, you’ll waffle long enough to talk yourself out of it, and you hit a button last night. I’ve listened to this show a lot, and people have been awful to him, but I’ve never heard him lose his cool like that. This matters.” I do that “well maybe I’ll do this” waffling thing too.

WHY AM I IDENTIFYING WITH ARTHUR? I AM NOT OK WITH THIS TURN OF EVENTS.

And of course no one pushes Merlin’s buttons like Arthur! Even anonymously!

“He puts the toast down a second time automatically because his toaster never manages it right the first time and turns around to watch her, because she’s obviously got something else on her mind. Sure enough, the coffee isn’t even ready before she speaks again. ‘Now that that’s over with, are you okay?’” That’s sweet of Morgana and everything but let’s talk about this toast situation. If your toast isn’t heating up well enough… why don’t you just turn it up higher? If it’s at this highest level and not working, you need to get a new toaster. Or just enjoy your bread and quit bitching.

“’I don’t know why any of them are still friends with me.’ She raises her eyebrows and he turns around to butter their toast as the coffeemaker goes off and she starts pouring. ‘You I understand, since I never actually dated you, thank God, Uther would have had a heart attack when he found out, but the rest of them? As last night illuminated so clearly, I’m not a very good boyfriend, and after Leon and Elena, Percival and Mithian had to know …’”

Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. WAIT. I need a second here.

Why is Arthur’s go to explanation for why he and his sister still hang out because he never dated her and not because she’s his SISTER? And why is the thing Arthur fixates on in this hypothetical about how Uther would freak out about him dating his sister and not you know, ARTHUR DATING HIS SISTER? Why did Arthur even say that sentence in the first place? Why is this even a hypothetical that needs voiced? I’m starting to think that the reason Arthur’s relationships fail is because he has repressed feelings for his sister.

For some extremely baffling reason, Morgana has no comment about their dating hypothetical and just tells him they are going for a walk and he is going to buy her something for annoying her. What? Just. WHAT?

Sometime later, Merlin receives Arthur’s letter and accepts his apology live on the radio. The next day, Arthur is working and Mithian calls to inform him that Arthur’s apology letter is all over the fan sites for Merlin’s show.

So the next Friday, Arthur is once again at the gym and Merlin’s show is playing. Merlin says they’ve been getting a lot of mail about Arthur’s letter (he still doesn’t specify who it’s from). “Maybe I should be deliberately mysterious more often, if it gets my fans so excited. Maybe then I’ll get more listeners and they’ll give me more money. Right, then, I’ll cop to it, the apology was from a man who’d asked me out and now we’re making mad passionate love when I’m not on air.” Arthur starts worrying about how his friends are going to respond to this.

“Congrats on your radio boyfriend. Cannot decide if that is more or less lame than having an internet boyfriend, Percival has sent, because everyone thinks he’s an adorable gentle giant but he has a mean streak.”

It’s funny because you would never expect that from Percival.

The next week, Arthur leaves work early and goes to hang out at a café and drink coffee where Elena finds him. Because all of Arthur’s friends are creepy stalkers and far too invested in his life. She pulls up a bunch of personal ads from fans of Merlin’s show (and now Arthur, apparently) who are taking out ads to find him. Wtf? Be creepier, people.

I want to point out this though: “’So, I was looking through the personals this morning—‘ ‘Oh God, Ellie, no. I won’t date anyone who wrote to the paper, and neither will you, I thought you learned your lesson after Craigslist.’” Personal tip from me to you, never date someone you find on Craigslist. You will get murdered. The end. 

“’You have got to be kidding me,’ he mutters. ‘Morgana is behind this somehow.’ Elena eyes him. ‘You are extremely paranoid where Morgana is concerned, you know.’” I was just thinking the exact same thing, Elena. Arthur is way too obsessed with his sister. Stop it.

“’I don’t know what this is all about, since the Dragon made it quite clear that nothing was going on, but it’s getting ridiculous, and I suspect I’m going to have to lecture all of you so you won’t turn me in.’ ‘Turn you in.’ Elena snorts. ‘It’s not as if you’ve committed murder, but I wasn’t going to call in and say “oh, I know this upstanding gent, you wouldn’t happen to want to meet him for a drink, would you?”or anything else like that, because I’m not stupid.’” LOL I love Elena in this.

Elena decides to start googling stuff about this extremely odd but entertaining drama. “All sorts of threads theorizing about who the upstanding gent is, that seems to be the favorite for you rather than Mr. Right for Now, apparently the Dragon’s used that phrase quite a bit with some of his callers and this distinguishes you.” Either Merlin has a crush on Arthur for no reason or he knows exactly what’s going to get him more fans and is exploiting it.

“The prevailing theory seems to be that he isn’t dating you, but he’d like to, and that’s why all the adverts are in the papers, they think they’re doing him a favor, or that it’s like the whole Sherlock thing. Can’t figure out if it’s a show of support or an attempt to deliver you on a silver platter, though.” 

“’The silver platter, definitely,’ he tells his palms. ‘Morgana, remember? She’d like to serve me up roasted with an apple in my mouth.’” Stop being weird and paranoid about your sister, Arthur. It’s not normal.

“’Maybe Mithian and I can start making a scrapbook of all this, we’ll take it out at your wedding and talk about that time you had an imaginary romance with a radio host.’ Arthur manages a smile. ‘And who exactly, in this fantasy of yours, am I marrying? I’m on a bit of a hiatus after Vivian, if you hadn’t noticed.’ Elena grins in return. ‘Oh, maybe you’ll marry the Dragon, then it can be the scrapbook of the story of your relationship.’ ‘Never going to happen. Even if, by some freak of chance, we were to meet and not want to kill each other, I would never date him—and, more to the point, he would never date me.’”

Arthur is hanging out at his flat listening to Merlin’s show the next Friday. The show is about cheating and a couple of callers bring up Arthur, aka, “Upstanding Gent.” Merlin mentions a couple of times that he and Arthur have never even met but his callers are having none of it. One of the callers mentions his girlfriend possibly cheating on him with a celebrity. He uses a hypothetical of it being Benedict Cumberbatch. “Arthur snorts, since his friends are always teasing him for his crush on Sherlock Holmes, and waits to hear how the Dragon reacts.” I really just wanted to point this out since sometimes, Colin Morgan looks like he could be Benedict Cumberbatch’s sexy, hot younger brother and Merlin is clearly Dragon in this and Colin Morgan played Merlin.

I could go on.

Um. Anyways.

You are not subtle, Author.

Then again, neither am I.

What were we talking about? Oh right.

When the show ends, Merlin apologizes to Arthur on air for his creepy ass fans. Arthur then sends an email to the radio station. When Merlin responds, he assumes it’s another creepy fan since he’s gotten other similar emails. Arthur tells him it’s really Arthur emailing. Then Merlin responds with, “Oh, shit. You aren’t writing to say you’re going to sue or something, are you? This really isn’t something I thought would get this out of control.” I love how worried everyone working at this radio station is about getting sued. Arthur responds and says he won’t sue, but just wanted to share that his friends are making fun of him too, for the whole situation.

Arthur meets Mithian with Elena, who has a new boyfriend. “So what do you think it will be this time?” Arthur asks as Mithian takes a sip from her drink. “Wife locked in the attic, Elena looks just like his mum …” This actually made me laugh. Poor Elena. She must be super unlucky in love, damn. Mithian has a different theory, “’Neither. He’s a free spirit, she can’t expect commitment because nothing can hold him down. Possibly with the added bonus of borrowing money from her.’ ‘I’ll buy the free spirit, but not the borrowing money. Leather is expensive.’ ‘I don’t really want to ask how you know that.’ ‘I’m Morgana’s brother, so no, you don’t.’” What the hell does Morgana have to do with this conversation about leather? Arthur seriously can’t go five minutes without talking about his sister. It’s so weird.

Arthur tells Mithian he emailed the radio show and that Merlin hasn’t responded yet and Mithian is suspicious that Arthur also has a secret crush on Merlin and that’s why he’s not trying to hit on anyone during Elena’s date. Ok. “Or only related insofar as perhaps he might have been right when he called me out on dating for convenience and that I should wait for someone I can’t be logical about—and again, if you tell Morgana, I’m going to have to kill you.”  So he is accidentally taking Merlin’s original advice. Good job, Arthur.

Over the weeks, Merlin and Arthur keep emailing a little back and forth. “He listens to parts of the show whenever he happens to be in his flat while it’s airing, though he misses quite a few because Elena’s boyfriend is into clubbing and she doesn’t like going alone to meet him.” Good job, Elena! Not meeting strange men alone. Proud of you, etc. I’m also happy that Arthur and their other friends don’t seem to have any sort of problem hanging out with Elena on her dates. Though she really shouldn’t be dating someone she feels uncomfortable being alone with after a certain point.

Anyways, Cenred ends up being shitty to Elena and dumps her after they have sex. That Friday, Elena calls into Merlin’s show. Arthur starts freaking out because he is obviously listening. Elena tells Merlin she seems to always get asshole men and Merlin says he used to be like that. Then there’s secondhand embarrassment when Elena starts talking about her friends. “Oh, they definitely are. They are fine, upstanding people. Arthur is going to kill her. And Morgana, because he recognizes the muffled giggle in the background.” Merlin ignores that subtle hint and gets Elena to tell listeners about herself so he can set her up. Then, “And like I said, she winds up, I have lovely friends, if you date me you’ll probably spend quite a bit of time with them. Yes, the upstanding ones, says M, and Arthur already knows this is going to be one of the calls mentioned in their e-mail later. I know him, you know, Elena adds in a conspiratorial whisper, and either Morgana is prodding her to do it or he’s misjudged her level of cruelty.” Oh god. How embarrassing.

A couple of men call for Elena including: “Hello, Ellie, I’m Gwaine, comes the new voice when M asks for the next caller, a bit rough and Irish. Oh, shit, M whispers, but covers it over so quickly Arthur thinks he might have imagined it. Good evening, Gwaine, welcome to Dragon’s Lonely Hearts, and what makes you want to date our lovely Elena?” So hopefully he isn’t one of the people who has cheated on Merlin.

Merlin emails Arthur and asks if Elena is really his friend and Arthur says she is. Then Merlin says that Gwaine is his friend. So not an ex-cheater boyfriend. That’s good news.

The night Gwaine and Elena go in their date, Elena won’t let any of them go with her. “(Arthur’s on duty, though, and she’ll call if things do go wrong, so he feels better about leaving her than he would otherwise).” That’s a good friend, guys. Seriously.

Of course Arthur is listening to Merlin’s show and a woman is complaining about how you can’t meet people who are boyfriend material at clubs. “So maybe the club scene isn’t your place for doing that. My upstanding gent hates picking people up at clubs, it’s all a matter of where you feel most comfortable, like I said.” Merlin then emails Arthur right away to apologize for that slip. How do you “accidentally’ slip something like that about someone you aren’t dating or interesting in dating? That’s weird. Merlin has to know what saying that will do to all the creepy fans.

Elena and Gwaine have started dating and during dinner with Arthur, Elena talks about Gwaine and mentions his friends and Merlin’s name. Arthur emails Merlin later and lets him know he knows his real name. “Thanks for telling me. I don’t mind—I figured when Gwaine called in that we’re going to meet someday, and he’s been teasing me about you. I trust you not to tell the whole world you know the Dragon, so it’s fine. It really is. You keep reacting like you expect me to hate you and I don’t, I promise. There are a few lines of space, and then the signoff—this time it says Merlin instead of M. Arthur spends the whole time he’s getting ready for bed smiling.” Aww.

Morgana shows up the next Friday to drag Arthur out to the club with her and she figures out that he’s been talking to Merlin. When they get to the club, Elena introduces everyone to Gwaine. “’Gwen’s just got strange work hours sometimes, but yeah, Merlin’s a psychology student during the weeks.’ Mithian raises her eyebrows. ‘Graduate work?’ That shuts Gwaine’s face right down. ‘No, he’s almost graduated, though. He had a bit of a gap after A-levels, is all.’ Arthur thinks of Merlin mentioning a husband that first night they argued on the radio and decides he doesn’t want to hear any more of that from Gwaine.” Poor Merlin. I don’t remember him mentioning being married before though.

After some investigating, called scrolling back up to that part of the fic, Merlin did on the sly mention being married during their fight. I don’t know how I missed that.

When they leave the club, Gwaine gives Arthur Merlin’s number per Merlin’s request. Arthur then texts Merlin and Merlin tells Arthur he was fending calls about Arthur all evening. There’s some cute banter. The next show Merlin does, Arthur is listening, (obviously) and someone brings up Arthur during their call in, “I imagine it’s how your upstanding gent must feel. First he apologizes, then you claim you aren’t in contact, now you know all about his opinions on everything, the poor thing must be confused. Honestly, if he weren’t the man of my bloody dreams I’d be done by now.” Arthur texts Merlin that he isn’t confused and Merlin tells that to the caller.

Then there’s some cuteness with Arthur texting Merlin every time a caller mentions him. “You should just call in, Merlin sends at the end of the night. It would save me having to play translation service.

You underestimate your fans. They’d recognize my voice and call en masse to tell you to stay away from me.

You apologized.

They’re less forgiving than you are, I would imagine. I was awful that night.

There’s a pause. You aren’t awful now. Before Arthur can begin to think of a way to respond to that, another message comes through. Gwen’s scolding me for not paying attention and I’ve got to get home. Go to bed, Arthur.”

“Shit shit shit, he texts Mithian, without really expecting an answer, and puts down his phone for the night.” I had to space it all out because there’s no quotations and I didn’t want it to be confusing as to who was talking. It’s pretty cute and the correct way to write this sort of banter. I know I’ve read quite a few fics where authors will try to replicate the banter Arthur and Merlin have on the show and it never works because almost every single one I’ve read has had it basically just being Arthur emotionally abusing Merlin and Merlin putting up with it. This is also a good way for Arthur to bring up that he was indeed an asshole at first and for Merlin to point out that he apologized and that he’s nice to him now. That never really happens in other fics.

Elena and Gwaine make plans for Gwaine and Elena’s friends to all meet. Merlin and Arthur reassure each other they are ready to meet.

“Arthur runs into Mithian on his way to Elena’s favorite diner, and she immediately stops him, suppressing a smile. ‘You can’t wear a tie to eat chicken and terrible chips, Arthur, even if your Merlin is going to be there. Come here.’ ‘He’s not my anything,’ Arthur argues, but he lets Mithian tow him forward to unknot his tie and unbutton the top button on his shirt. ‘Oh, but you’re his upstanding gent, aren’t you?’ She stows his tie in her handbag. ‘Are you going to be okay?’” Mithian is a good friend. She checks on Arthur a lot like this in the fic but it’s not pushy and overbearing like in a lot of fics I’ve read. It’s sweet.

Merlin and Arthur FINALLY meet. “Merlin smiles, and Arthur’s imagined him looking like many things, but never this. He may not be Arthur’s usual type, but … he brushes his hand against Arthur’s wrist under the table. ‘So how are we handling this?’” Good job, Merlin, not making this about you and asking Arthur what he wants.

When they are all introducing themselves a little later, Merlin says he hosts a radio show on the weekends. It doesn’t take long for everyone to figure it out and they are all equally surprised.

After dinner, Arthur and Merlin hightail it out of there and go for a walk. Merlin tells Arthur to stop freaking out. Arthur asks Merlin why he isn’t freaking out too. “’That’s because I have had some really terrible dates in my time,’ Merlin says once they’ve got properly started. ‘I’m like Elena being an arsehole magnet, remember? You being shy doesn’t even make my top twenty worst dates.’ Arthur can’t help objecting to that. ‘I’m not shy! I’m just … adjusting to the change.’ ‘You spent half of dinner looking like I was outraging your maiden virtue.’” That actually made me laugh.

“’I was afraid I was going to have to piss you off properly before you’d loosen up. Look, I know this is awful, first-date chemistry alongside month-of-dating knowing each other, but we’re going to have to soldier on.’ ‘A month of dating?’” I am as confused is Arthur here. Texting someone you have never met in person isn’t dating, Merlin.

“’Now that we’re … doing whatever it is we’re doing, you should mention it on air. Or not, actually, I feel like you’d be responsible for half your fans ending up in A&E with heart palpitations.’ ‘Doing whatever we’re doing?’ Merlin grins. ‘Dating, I think, unless you have any particular objections. Maybe in a while we can slap the boyfriend label on it.’”

I probably wouldn’t bring the fans into it though. They are weird enough about Merlin and his Upstanding Gent. They kiss and Arthur tells Merlin he won’t be inviting Merlin home because he has to work in the morning.

“’You’re sort of a prince,” he says quietly. ‘And I’ll let you out of dragging me to your flat, which is probably much larger and neater than mine, as long as you promise to call me soon.’ ‘We’ll be talking on Friday for your show, anyway.’ ‘Before then.’ Merlin finally straightens up and it occurs to Arthur that even if they aren’t still kissing they’ve managed to get tangled up. He unwraps his arms from Merlin’s waist and lets Merlin catch his hand before they can get too far apart. ‘I’m liable to pine, otherwise.’ ‘You could always call me,’ Arthur points out.” So I like this because I like Arthur going against this fandom’s ridiculous notion that Arthur is the MAN and must do all the MANLY things like calling Merlin first.

Sometime later, Arthur is Merlin’s special guest on his radio show. Arthur eventually falls asleep during the show because Merlin’s on in the middle of the night. “He isn’t aware of much else until he hears Merlin saying ‘—five minutes left, and as some of you might have noticed, my upstanding gent has been quiet for a while now. This is because he’s fallen asleep, the daft thing, but I suppose that’s what comes of being a businessman by day. So, since it’s been a special show—and I’ll bet you’re all hoping I can talk him into coming in again every once in a while—I’ll sign off for the night with one last song for him. Thank you all for listening, as always, and this is the Dragon saying good night to you. I’ll be back again next Friday at ten.’”

Then, “Arthur drags him down into his lap instead. ‘Am I a prisoner?’ Merlin inquires. ‘Absolutely. Until I can bring myself to move, at least.’ He stretches his neck out and lets Merlin nuzzle at his hair even though Gwen is watching and looking like she wants to lunge for her camera phone.”

Fucking cute. Even with Gwen being a voyeur in the background. Merlin invites Arthur to spend the night. The end.

So I really liked this fic. It’s definitely the best one I’ve reviewed so far and probably even fairly high on my list of fics that I like in general. No drama for drama’s sake, it’s pretty well written and characters react and behave in realistic ways. It’s an interesting plot and stays entertaining throughout the story. The only thing I wish we had more information on was Merlin’s previous husband but, it’s not handled in a way, the few times it’s brought up, that makes me feel like the story is incomplete without us knowing what happened. I was also concerned about Arthur’s weird obsession with Morgana. I found Merlin and Arthur are pretty cute too, which is rare for me. I like that Merlin and Arthur had some flirtatious banter that wasn’t Arthur just being emotionally abusive towards Merlin. I also like that Arthur’s bad behavior towards Merlin in the beginning was handled well and in a believable way. A lot of the time, I find Arthur’s attitude and behavior towards Merlin way over the top and then Merlin’s subsequent accepting of Arthur’s non-apologies and terrible behavior toward him just stupid and unrealistic. It’s not like that in this fic, which I really appreciate. I wish more fics had this Merlin/Arthur dynamic.

Seriously.

Until next time:

[ember-hinote]

Life Development

It’s been a couple months since then but I can say that I am out of a toxic relationship. But here’s the thing, I was the last person to know. 

Amongst my friends and family, it’s usually said that I have the best observation skills. I don’t take bullshit from anything or anyone. If they need to know anything about someone or something, they bring it to me (or my mother) to look at. I can pick out so many details both superficially and incredibly personal about a person from looking at them and get them to spill more with a short conversation. 

To clarify, this was not a romantic relationship. This person was someone who I would consider a best friend and someone that my parents trusted as well. A thing about my parents: They don’t trust anyone easily. My mother is a former judge and lawyer and my father is an engineer. They both came from military families and were taught to take things as grains of salt. So for them to trust anyone of my friends is a really, really big deal. 

I met her 3 years back in Japanese Culture and Politics class and it began as a screaming match across the classroom over who was more right when our professor (who I am not the assistant of) posed a question. Being the type of people we are, we decided to stick together after the first test grades (tying of top spots) due to our shared interests in Japan and poutine. We hung out, we studied together, wrote stories with her as my beta reader, and went on school trips together. When we became graduate teaching assistants at the university, we made sure that we would share an office together! 

But things changed. She started dating this relatively descent gentleman who looked clean to me. He struck me as a bit odd but then, who was I to judge. She was describing him to me and the first thing that caught my attention was his lack of a college degree. I know. I shouldn’t judge on that but take into account that I am of Asian descent. Education is VERY important to us. She had a college degree (graduate a semester before me) and he didn’t complete his. He wasn’t doing anything and being the person that I am, I was a little concerned. She told me to not worry about it and that his parents were loaded. 

Yeah. As if that would settle me. Something that I’ve observed concerning White American families vs Asian families, the standards are very different. Just because his parents had money doesn’t mean that he had money. 

But seeing that she was happy, I let it go. It was nice to see her happy as she was my best friend. 

They were an interesting pair. Very clingy. Very dependent of each other. The thing is, she was a very independent person. Why was she so dependent on this person she just met? But no matter, she was happy and I was happy for her. She never stopped me from my failed attempts at romantic pursuits (all of which ended mutually). 

What set me off was when she started becoming increasingly demanding on me. I didn’t mind at first but her demands grew more and more insistent as well as most costly. Now I can honestly say, I am fortunate enough to never have been without and my parents have taught me for as long as I can remember how to manage finances so that I would always be ready for the worst. It has taken me many years to learn that many people were not as fortunate to have such lesson (trust me! My first years at university were definitely something because I did not know my privilege). But when they started biting more and more into my budget, I was no longer fine or comfortable with the situation. When I tried to speak out, things were fine for maybe a day or so before they went right back. 

Like I have NO PROBLEM taking my friends to nice places and introducing them to the things and places that I have grown up in but lines were starting to be overstepped. I was the friend with a car and could afford the special campus parking passes so there would always be a spot if I left campus for a quick trip. She started demanding trips to farther and farther locations from campus, most of them about equidistant to my house from campus and I don’t live close by. I stopped being comfortable with that real fast because gas is expensive and so is car maintenance and guess who would have to foot that bill.

Me and my family. 

But the problem wasn’t only fiscal, it was also emotional. She could always come to me for emotional support. The same couldn’t be said when I needed it which was far rarer. When my grandfather figure died in November, I was a mess and when I needed someone she turned me away. When my car was broken into and so much of my stuff was stolen in January, she turned me away when I needed someone. But whenever she was having a bad mental health day or just needed emotional support, guess who she turned too. There were days where it seemed that the world was crashing down around me but she would call and quickly begin talking about her problems and her life while I would have to quickly bury my own and deal with it alone later. Another friend of mine has gotten on to me about me not sharing my own feelings but for the most part it feels like most of my feelings are rather trivial and I could deal with them later. But when I need someone, I REALLY NEED SOMEONE. Luckily I had my other best friend to turn to and she was very supportive during those times. But there was a day where she apparent disassociated - this was following my grandfather’s funeral so I was emotionally DONE - and her boyfriend was with her and told me to keep an eye on her that day before I could even say “Hello.”

I never felt more insulted. I am not her care taker and I am in no condition myself to look after anyone. So I didn’t say anything back but did so anyways. Then her boyfriend started ordering me around and when I tried to fight back, she would come for me. That was a sign to me where our friendship stood. 

Then in June, we were in a History of Rock N Roll class where we chose to do the final project in a group with our other officemate who was starting to become a good friend of mine. The officemate could meet me step by step for ambition and desire to succeed where it would always seem that my “best friend” had to be dragged up to meet me. We were planning to go idea scouting a store that all of us were familiar with that was about 5 minutes from my house. The thing was deciding a day when we would me. I would have preferred to meet in the evening sometime during the week because I work on the weekends and that money goes into financing my education as well as anything else I needed for school or recreation. But since she just COULDN’T compromise, we decided to meet up on a Saturday which meant I had to take the day off. I know I was and probably still am the most financially sound of the three of us but I take great pride that I have not had to ask my parents for financial help since my first semester of university. 

So on that Saturday, I was getting ready for the day when my dad comes into my room and asks who I will be meeting up with and jokingly brings up my “best friend”’s boyfriend. I respond with how they were joined at the hip and he would probably be there. My father was not happy with that asking why my “best friend” would waste her time one someone who lacked the same ambitions as she did and I responded with “unfortunately, she does not have our standards.” Harsh, I know but if there is anything is my family, it is that we are very honest with each other. That and we have RIDICULOUSLY high standards.

The store was only 5 minutes away from my house but I decided to go about things the long way, take my time getting there because why not? I had the time. I left my house half an hour early to go fill up my car and get something to drink while I waited for them. So I ended up spending about twenty minutes at the gas station airing up my tires as well as just browsing their beverage section for the newest sparkling waters which left a 5 to 6 minute drive to the store. But when I got back to my car, I got a text from my officemate asking if I’ve heard from my best friend. I immediately go check my messages because hey, their location was half an hour from the store and there was ten minutes until we were meeting. There was nothing from her and texted that to my officemate who was suppose to pick her up. 

I was waiting in the store’s parking lot for nearly an hour before they finally showed up. At that point I was feeling VERY insulted. I took of work that day just to do this so the cost benefit analysis was not going very well for me. Then when she goes on to explain that the reason why she was late was because she was getting laid just irritated me beyond I thought I was capable of. I ended up going out for takoyaki and tea with my younger brother just so that I could vent to someone. 

Getting laid is a fucking choice. It is an active choice. She fucking chose to be late!

Now some of you might be going “Hey Emi, what if she wasn’t sure what time you all were meeting up?” I had texted the group multiple times during the week and the night before to clarify what time we were meeting up. SHE HAD AT LEAST 15 DIFFERENT MESSAGES OF WHAT TIME WE WERE SUPPOSED TO MEET UP! 

Now some of you are probably like “Emi, isn’t this a bit harsh for someone who is late?”

This chick has known me for three years. The past three years I have kept the same exact work schedule. She knows that I hate doing things on the weekend because I hate taking off work except for my once a year vacation. My bosses all know that I don’t ask for time off often if at all. She knows that people come to me if they want financial advice and that I can balance a checkbook like NOBODY’S business so I know cost benefit analysis almost better than anyone in our department does despite being probably the youngest member. 

THIS CHICK FUCKING KNEW!

Then comes when we were working on our actual project, my officemate and I were working in the department copy room with the office assistant there to keep us company. We both had our parts up and were waiting for her to submit hers but it wasn’t happening. We were stressing out because we thought this was a going to be a group grade. So the department chair comes in (who is also one of the instructors for the class and the one grading us graduate students) and asks us what’s up and if everything is going alright. We tell him and he’s frowning because “best friend” is his graduate assistant and she’s been slacking in his class. He immediately goes into saying that he’s not worried about us because he knows our work but he goes on to explain that our grades will be based on our own sections of the presentation. That was a massive relief to us.

So presentations were supposed to take a maximum of 15 minutes, most of the people in our class took about 30 to 40 minutes. Since we were the last ones to present, we had the least amount of time. Before we started “best friend” asked if I could cut my presentation time down a bit because she wanted to talk a lot about her section. I did not think much of it so I agreed. Officemate ended up taking more time than we budgeted so I accounted for that when I was going through my presentation as well as “best friend’s” comment. As a result I did a speed run of mine so that “best friend” could have more time. It turns out her portion had nothing do to with what we were presenting on and she only took up TWO MINUTES! I was insulted.

To further rub salt in the wounds, her grade was only 5 points lower than mine was. Luckily I still got an A overall in the class or department chair would have me at his office door demanding an explanation. But yeah, it fucking hurt and I decided I was done. I couldn’t take this anymore. I needed to get out of this. 

But because my reputation was so tied to our friendship, it took a nosedive. I was a double major who they didn’t know well as an undergrad while she was one of their own. When I started to distance myself from her, people still associated her lack of a work effort as well as her overly negative attitude of things with me because they didn’t know me that well. It took the efforts of the department chair as well as the professor I am assisting and my thesis chair to help clear my name of her actions but I am still treading on eggshells for the upcoming fall semester. 

Upon talking to the office assistant recently, I have learned that others had seen this relationship as toxic. My officemate who has become my new workout buddy also said that my friendship with “best friend” was toxic. There were professors that wouldn’t approach me because they saw how negative my former friend was and thought that I was the same way. The officemate told me that she told them that I was the exact opposite of my former friend. Sure I was very much of a realist but I was not overly negative and actually very dependable unlike my former friend. Apparently some of my former students who have recently graduated also came to the office assistant (who was a classmate of theirs) talking about how I seemed to be doing everything I possibly could for our friendship and that my former friend was doing nothing. 

I have had so many people approach me the past two weeks often saying that the reason why they didn’t approach me earlier was because of my former friend and that I was different from what they expected.

This hurt me more than I want to admit. To know that people expected me to be like my former friend hurt. I thought I had worked hard enough throughout the past year to establish my own identity in the department but apparently it wasn’t enough. 

I am happy to be out of that relationship and I can tell you that I have much more energy now. I never knew that she was such a massive drain on my energy until recently.  But I am in a much better place now. Thank you all for reading and I hope you all can learn from my mistakes. 

- Emi

[katjiekat]

Quest 8: Write Down 100 Questions. Boss 8: Finding 100 Questions That Are Not Mediocre. Status: Completed?

^Questioning Mind by Michael Alfano.

Questions for my reader, since you’ve been so loyal in reading this far.

Is this really what I’m going to write as my first question?

Am I doing this right?

Probably not, should I change them up a bit?

Yes, I think let’s go a bit of a more interesting route, what do you think, reader?

So this is what it’s like to “break the 4th wall,” are you scared now?

I’m just kidding, why not come along with me and explore some more questions?

I don’t think I’m allowed to google these things am I?

Well I did for this one and it’s pretty interesting so, what do you call the smell after it rains? (Answer: Petrichor).

Who invented the number 9?  (Wikipedia: “the origin of the 9 integers can be attributed to ancient Indian civilization, and was adopted by subsequent civilizations in conjunction with the 0.”) It’s actually rather interesting how the first ‘9′ integers looked, see the evolution of this integer in the first picture at the bottom of these questions.

Hey reader, can you understand Japanese?

Well, here’s a nice question for you anyway - “こんにちは、私の名前はジェスです。あなたの名前は何ですか？”

You didn’t understand that? Well, here’s how to say it according to Google Translate: “Kon'nichiwa, watashinonamaeha jesudesu. Anata no namae wa nanidesu ka?”

You still didn’t understand that? Well, sorry, you’ll have to look it up.

On a scale from 1-you can’t directly respond to me, how tired are you?

Are you as tired as I am?

What’s your usual bedtime?

Oh, that’s cool, mine’s similar. Doesn’t going to bed that late make you all groggy the next day? Well, it does for me. I don’t know how you do it.

When you are old, what do you think children will ask you to tell stories about? I once lay on a tester bed in the middle of a mall with my best friend and a creepy security guard with the biggest gap-tooth I’ve ever seen came up to us not to chase us away but rather to ask if he could join us... Obviously we said no and ran away.

What food have you never eaten but would really like to try?

What “old person” things do you do?  I like naps very very much.

What’s the spiciest thing you’ve ever eaten? Back in 2009, I went to India to help out a charity. While I was there, I was introduced to chapatis, milk straight from a cow and the hottest chilli I’ve ever eaten - I ate it whole.

What’s your cure for hiccups? I take a deep breath and then swallow, that usually does the trick. For about a minute anyway.

What’s your favourite weather? Mine is when it rains for the whole day and it’s kinda cold and I can just cuddle in bed with a movie and hot chocolate.

If you had to choose between eating a really nice soup with a fork and a really horrible soup with a spoon, which would you choose?

What do you usually do when you procrastinate?

Do you think that aliens exist?

Are you religious?

What movie quotes do you use on a regular basis?

If animals could talk, which animal would be the most annoying?

What’s the funniest comedy skit you’ve seen? All that needs to be said here is Monte Python or any mention of John Cleese for that matter.

What’s the funniest thing you’ve done or had happen while your mind was wandering? Unintentional awkward eye contact...

What was the best thing that happened to you today?

How do you make yourself sleep when you can’t seem to get to sleep?

What’s the opposite of a koala?

What’s the smartest thing you’ve seen an animal do? Cue the endless supply of videos on YouTube of dogs opening doors and fridges and parrots counting to 30.

What did you Google last?

What qualities do all your friends have in common?

Music recommendations?

What’s the nearest thing to your left?

What would be an accurate tag line for each month?

What’s the most embarrassing story from your childhood? When I was about 5 or so, I decided it would be an amazing idea to participate in a one-girl fashion show. My audience consisted of my step dad and his business partner that was probably there for a meeting. I cringe to this day as I remember how I waltzed around in my baby pink gown and little kitty cat slippers thinking I was the hippest chick ever.

How are you still reading this far?

I hope you’re not bored. Would you tell me if you are?

What’s fine in small numbers but terrifying in large numbers? Any kind of bug.

What did you believe for way too long as a child?

What’s your favorite holiday movie? The Nightmare Before Christmas <3

When was the last time you stayed up through the entire night? What is university?

What outdated slang do you use on a regular basis? Okidokie.

What happens regularly that would horrify a person from 100 years ago?

What questions would you like to ask a time traveler from 200 years in the future?

What awful movie do you love?

What’s the best sandwich you’ve ever had?

What’s the most annoying thing about the social media platform you use most often? I feel like there’s only one answer to this. And that’s ads.

What would be the most unsettling thing to keep occasionally finding around your house?

How much do you think names affect the outcomes of people’s lives?

What are some of the dumbest lyrics you’ve heard in a song? The ting goes skrrrahh, pap, pap, ka-ka-ka.

What word do you always mispronounce? The word “rant.”

What would be the worst food to be liquefied and drunk through a straw?

When was the last time you were hopelessly lost? We all know that “lost in a supermarket, can’t find mom” feeling.

What two films would you like to combine into one?

What’s the most boring super hero you can come up with? Subjectively, “Accounting Man.”

What word is a lot of fun to say? Just say the word “bubbles” a few times and tell me your answer.

If your five-year-old self suddenly found themselves inhabiting your current body, what would your five-year-old self do first? I used to dream of swimming in chocolate.

What is something that everyone looks stupid doing?

In 40 years what will people be nostalgic for? Somehow I’d imagine little touch screen phones will die out eventually.

What is the weirdest thing you have seen in someone else’s home? A decapitated doll hanging from a ceiling fan...

What set of items could you buy that would make the cashier the most uncomfortable?

What are the unwritten rules of where you work? It used to be “Your hours are 7-4 but your real hours are 6:30-whenever we say you can go.”

What is something that you just recently realized that you are embarrassed you didn’t realize earlier?

What’s the best type of cheese? Gouda, holloumi, feta, Parmesan...

What would be the worst “buy one get one free” sale of all time? A coffin.

What’s the weirdest thing a guest has done at your house?.

What mythical creature would improve the world most if it existed?

If peanut butter wasn’t called peanut butter, what would it be called?

If someone asked to be your apprentice and learn all that you know, what would you teach them?

If you see a puddle on the ground, do you walk around it or over it?

If you got to name a new country, how would you decide what to call it?

What would be the title of your memoir?

What do you give a damn about?

If you could have one 'do over' in your life, what would you do differently?

What is your earliest memory?

What do you miss about being a kid?

What’s something you want to do in the next year that you’ve never done before? I want to get two tattoos - one of a koi fish and another of a cat.

What makes you happy? Food, the special people in my life and naps.

What’s your ideal weekend?

What’s your favorite quote?

What do you want your legacy to be? I hope my work becomes significant in the art/design/writing world.

What was the first thing you bought with your own money? An icecream!  

How do you like to be comforted when you’re upset? Food, love and series.

What’s a favorite memory with a pet/animal?

What do you think your best physical feature is?

What scares you the most about the future?

Who was your favourite teacher in high school?

What’s your favourite colour?

Do you prefer mornings or evenings?

What is the best book ever written?

What’s something bad that’s happened to someone that you wish you could change?

Do you like mugs? I absolutely love collecting mugs.

Who is the most important person in your life? I have three: my mother, my brother and my boyfriend.

Did you enjoy reading all these random questions as much as I enjoyed writing them?

^The evolution of the number 9 (see question 9).

Concept extracted: Questions.

[ricelumps]

2k16 was one of the worst years for me. But the journey from 2014 to now is just so crazy I need to write it down.

I left my parents’ house on January 2014 because I had recently gotten a boyfriend (who is not Korean) and my parents threatened me and my bf constantly until I would break up with him. 

My dad would yell at me for being a shit daughter and ruining our family with my actions. All i did was spend the night at his apartment a couple times. I was 21. He would threaten me with death threats towards me and himself and even my younger siblings. 

“There’s no point in living with a daughter like you” , “I should just kill you because you ruin everything” , “If that boy steps into the house one more time I’ll kill him myself” , “I’m packing up and I’m going to leave you all and I won’t care if you all die.”

That’s just some of the stuff he’s said to me, his first born, his “pride and joy”, the daughter that made him weep the day I was born (happy tears apparently) I realized that every day even before I started dating Charles I constantly thought about jumping out of my second story window or drive off a bridge on my way home from work / school. My parents used constant guilt and degrading comments to keep me low enough to be submissive to their behavior. I wanted to kill myself so many times, but never really tried. Plus I have amazing friends who believe in me when I can’t do it for myself.

My parents Korean and straight up OLD Korean. My family moved here a long ass time ago, but god you would think they would learn to grasp some sense that living in America and raising your kids in a different country they’re going to adapt and GROW into that culture. I kept to being more Korean than American for most of my life and then when I got to college (commuting) I was still under my parents rule, but it was more open ? It was easier to get away with things for sure. 

Most of 2013-2014 was me going through my “gotta do everything” phase. Which just meant that I was just attractive enough to catch people’s eye and hook up. 

I met my current boyfriend on Tinder amazingly and we’ve been together since my birthday that year. He’s been amazing and caring and loving. He’s been through my bullshit parents and helped me by letting me move in with him after I left the cursed house. One of my oldest friends helped save me and moved all my shit into her tiny Volvo and moved it all to the apartment I was gonna call home for a couple months. (She was even there one day when my dad yelled at me and threatened me. In the same room. She went home crying for me, and I’m constantly so sorry for her to see that happen.) 

I avoided all contact with my family (minus my siblings) for about three or four months. Coming from a family centered culture, and me being the first born and just leaving ? Scandalous. I missed seeing my cousin’s new baby, because my mom lied to them saying I was in another state studying. I couldn’t talk to my brothers without the fear of my parents grabbing the phone and yelling at me to come home. My heart was broken and Charles tried to help me feel better, but this was a feeling words couldn’t fix. I was so depressed being away from my family (even though they were horribly toxic) that I thought about killing myself again and again BECAUSE I WAS GUILT RIDDEN FOR LEAVING THEM. During this time I tried to just focus on working and moving into another apartment where it was just me and Charles without any other roommates, bc the ones we were living with were just awful. 

Come March and we moved into the city that was a lot closer to my university. After a horrible car accident (in my friends volvo that her parents had graciously let me borrow. AND GOT WRECKED. I still feel completely awful.) I found another job and was working two jobs to help rent and school. I had to quit the first job because the boss was a dick and also Korean. He kept me underpaid and treated me like a slave. He said “She doesn’t deserve a raise.” and when my amazing manager kept pushing my raise he raised it 25 cents. I’ve been working there for about two years. He was a fucking dick. Alex B, fucking dick Korean ASSHOLE. His mother was in love with me and wanted me to marry his 33 yr old ass, because he couldn’t get a girl his age. 

ANYWAY we had moved in and it was stressful, but I was so much happier than I was living with my parents. Moving out gave me something that made me feel better. I was a commuter so I never had fun party stories or campus stuff to talk about with my friends. I was always jealous of them being able to just do stuff like that, but living in my own apartment is just as good. Especially since I lived in a nice small city ! I loved it and I was loving living with my boyfriend and having a place that I could call my own and have my friends come by without bothering my parents. 

Later on in 2015 I gathered up the courage I collected and called my parents to try and talk to them. My mom made me cry because she told me she was worried and asked me if I was eating well. She told me that she cried every night since she saw my room bare. My dad sounded tired, and willing to just talk. It went well for about a couple months, but then they asked me to help them out at their store again. I stupidly agreed and I’ve been helping them out since. 

2016 was pretty much learning my sister was being irresponsible and selfish towards my parents. I know they’re shitty, but they help pay for her private school tuition and they’re in heavy debt (who isn’t in 2016 lbr) Lately they’ve given me the responsibility to deal with their debt with this “loan helper” business. I tried to do as much as I can to help, but again I’ve fallen to the cycle of them yelling at me but for their own mistakes. 

“YOU WENT TO AMERICAN SCHOOL HOW COME YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND?!!!!”

HIGH SCHOOL DOESN’T TEACH YOU CRAP ABOUT BEING IN DEBT AND FALLING INTO THESE TRAPS.

Recently I fell back into my depressive thoughts. My parents were placing blame on me and themselves and my sister being a spoiled entitled brat is making it harder for the family. 

However my brothers, my boyfriend, and my close circle of best friends keep me afloat and they help me remember how much I have to live for. My heart aches whenever I have dark thoughts because I remember them and I don’t want to think about how they would feel if they found out I killed myself in someway. I feel selfish for thinking about these things because the people closest to me don’t deserve that kind of pain. Sometimes life is hard and just plain unbearable, but I know that someday it’ll be worth it someday.