#unless he meant it in an extreme self-destructive way

[henceforthineverwillbe]

Only the innocent and loved dream freely, while I asleep am haunted by truth. There is a darkness that surrounds me and weighs me down, encumbered by this swollen love. I fear my melancholy must seep into those around, fended off purely by the light around.

No one knows the battles I face within.

[kasunex]

I've noticed there is a position being held by some fans of Coffin of Andy and Leyley that the game's reputation for incest is underserved. The logic being that there is only one time to this point that is explicitly sexual between the siblings, and it's something that comes only at the hitherto end and is behind multiple warnings.

To some extent, this is a fair point to make, and I am somewhat saddened that a game so intriguing and audacious is dismissed as shock content or gooner bait. Such is the price to be paid, though.

While it does raise interesting questions about how close siblings can be before they cross the line, even without the ending in question, incest is an extremely prevelant subtext throughout the game. It may not be as explicit otherwise, but one would have to be willfully ignorant to deny it underlies the core conflict of the story.

Ashley absolutely desires Andrew in an incestous manner. It's not necessarily motivated by sexual or romantic feelings, but her fear of abandoment means she wants to be his first and only priority. There is no other way to do that then by breaking down the boundaries of a sibling relationship into a romantic one. Lacking in a conscience as she is, she doesn't care that he is her brother. If anything, she likely sees this as a positive. A lover could cut ties and leave her. Her brother, in some sense, will always be tied to her. All she need do is break the boundary between sibling and lover and she will have total control over Andrew.

When you get past the natural disgust and the genetic issues, this is the real problem with incest. It twists and perverts between what is meant to be an unbreakable but purely platonic bond and a romantic one that is meant to be stronger, but also held together by consent rather than blood. The strength and yet danger of romance makes it incredibly toxic to be held together by anything else.

Which brings us to Andrew. He's the variable in this situation. He is deeply attached to Ashley as his sister, but some part of him also desires that same incestous bond that Ashley does. The difference between the two is that Andrew feels some semblance of remorse and shame. He knows that Ashley is controling and lacking in conscience, he knows the bond she wants is morally wrong and destructive, and he blames her for tempting him towards sin.

And yet, if Andrew had no desire for such himself, he would have cut Ashley off long ago. But he hasn't. He's allowed their relationship to grow and fester. This, I think, is part of why he spares Ashley's life at the end of Ep1. He knows deep down he cannot blame Ashley for his own sinful desires. Yet at the same time, he cannot escape these desires unless he cuts Ashley out of his life entirely, something he is unwilling to do.

Where does this all lead, ultimately? That question all comes down to the one major unknown at this point: why does Andrew desire Ashley in the first place? Is it brotherly instinct, perverted by Ashley's influence? Is it a despair, a self-loathing unwillingness to escape her, a thought that she is what he deserves? Or does he desire Ashley on some more fundamental level even outside her influence?

If it is the first, and Andrew truly loves Ashley in a selfless manner, they'll go their seperate ways. If Andrew is self-loathing and doesn't keep himself in check, he may well end up killing Ashley in an effort to escape her. Or perhaps if it is a fundamental desire, they will cross so many lines that Andrew will lose hope for himself and give into his degenerate and sinful desires, he and Ashley becoming an incestous couple.

Or it could be some combination, of course. Perhaps embracing his desire is exactly what Andrew needs to discover what he wants. Perhaps they will cross the line, only for Andrew to realize he was wrong to cling so tightly to Ashley and leave her - at which point Ashley will either have to accept his loss or drive herself to the grave to fight it.

It's a deeply fascinating dynamic, and the incest aspect is a core part that adds a new layer to what would otherwise be an interesting but far less unique toxic "romance". This game is absolutely about incest at the core, but it's not just shock value, nor is it festishization. It's about how destructive such a relationship would actually be, and how broken one would need be to pursue it.

[monstersdownthepath]

Lord of the Fourth: Belial, the Pale Kiss

CR 28

Lawful Evil Medium Outsider

Bestiary 6, pg. 20~21

Belial is one of the more unique Archdevils in the employ of the Prince of Darkness, having been hand-crafted by Asmodeus as something of an idol meant to draw people into Hell’s embrace through selfish desire and the pursuit of physical pleasure. Why, precisely, Asmo decided to test out just how beautiful of a creature he could make is something he’s never really expanded upon, but reckless self-destructive lust and hedonism tend to fall more into the domain of Chaotic or Neutral Evil, so having a shapeshifting seducer on his side has been nothing but an asset for the infernal expansion Asmodeus demands.

They’re way more than just a pretty face(s), though. Asmodeus wasn’t just satisfied with gorgeous body and gifted Belial with a similarly powerful mind, the creativity and imagination necessary to shape themselves into inhuman beauty translating dangerously into the creativity of crafting all manner of weapons, armors, magic items, and even new creatures never before seen. Thankfully, despite their bottomless inspiration, Belial shows little care for any of their projects once completed, discarding the designs to begin working on the next one and leaving any flaws they overlooked or improvements that need to be made for someone else to deal with.

As for that imagination regarding their shapeshifting body, though, Belial has one of the most powerful versions of Change Shape in the entire game, not only capable of shifting freely as a move action as many times per day as they desire, but capable of taking on any form they can conceive, even ones that don’t exist. Thankfully, to keep that from getting TOO insane, they can only take on the powers and abilities listed in Beast Shape IV, Elemental Body III, Plant Shape II, Alter Self, and Form of the Dragon I. While still a tremendously impressive toolbox of potential tricks and natural attacks, it means they don’t have access to things like the incorporeality of Undead Anatomy, the stat bonuses from Giant Form, or the extremely long ability list of Monstrous Physique. Take the time to remember that Belial can still take on any form their imagination allows, they just don’t get the powers of that form unless it’s from one of the previously listed spells; hey can still freely shift into any Ooze, Outsider, or Aberration they need to in order to tempt you into walking into the fires of Hell.

Their Baleful Beauty ability causes just that to happen, forcing any creature within 30ft whose creature type matches whatever form they’re displaying (their default humanoid/devil form, however, affects all humanoid creatures regardless of creature type) to abandon all reason and higher thought processes and run straight into Belial’s melee range through whatever means they possibly can to smooch all over them. A DC 39 Will save resists this diabolic pull and prevents one from falling for the same trick, but anyone who fell for it the first time not only loses their turn but is also subject to Belial’s draining Caress, automatically gaining 2 negative levels with no save and needing to make a DC 39 Fortitude save or else take 1d4 Int, Wis, AND Cha damage.

And this is just the surface of what Belial can inflict once in melee...

And we’re not even done talking about Caress! I just ran out of room above the Keep Reading split. The Caress is a melee touch attack Belial can weave in with their Full-Attack action, a single lascivious touch or--more commonly--a draining kiss delivered in the middle of the beatdown that inflicts the same penalty as it would to anyone failing their save against Baleful Beauty. What’s worse is that anyone suffering any penalty from the Caress--and remember it inflicts negative levels with no save!--can further be afflicted by Belial’s spell-likes. They can inflict the dreaded Misfortune effect as a swift action against any caressed creature when targeting them with any tool on their belt, including Baleful Polymorph and Dominate Person at will, as well as Quickened Mass Suggestion or Prismatic Spray at 3/day.

We’ve gone over just how dangerous turning the party against one another is time and time again, but hopefully by level 25+ the party has some level of defense against mind-affecting effects, though remember they’re likely to be held back by Misfortune... And even more unfortunately, that’s not the only trick Belial has: their Ranseur Mastery turns their chosen weapon, a +4 Speed Unholy Ranseur, into a 10ft threat radius that’s incredibly difficult to fight in. Each blow deals 2d4+26 damage (+2d6 vs Good), and when doing a Full-Attack they can strike five times instead of four. At any point during the Full-Attack, they can forego weapon damage to use the Disarm property of their ranseur (+49 to Disarm) to tear weapons from their foes’ hands and hurl them away with Greater Disarm, leaving victims stranded in their threat radius without a way to fight back.

Monk and Brawler DPS, perhaps?

This is all in addition to any natural attacks gained from their current form, but Belial also has a handful of natural attacks to spice up their Full-Attack on their own... even if they’re more for show than anything else. Their gore deals a paltry 1d6+6, and their two wings 2d8+6 each. Anyone struck by their wings must make a DC 41 Fortitude save or be staggered for 1 round and dazzled for 1d4, but this Fiendish Fluttering is more of a ribbon atop the potential level drain and stat damage from the Caress being woven into the Full-Attack. Just an extra little kick in the pants for someone who got stabbed four times already and just needs and extra 7~12 points to actually die.

On the defensive side, Belial can cast Waves of Ecstasy 3/day and Overwhelming Presence 1/day, the former of which staggers the entire party even if they all succeed their save (stunning and staggering anyone who fails for multiple rounds), the latter of which can end a combat the moment it begins as the Archdevil saunters up and coup de graces helpless targets... or simply ignores whoever failed to focus their efforts on anyone still standing. They can also utilize their Baleful Beauty in reverse, shifting into a form so violently repulsive that any creature who sees it becomes nauseated for 1d6 rounds and takes 1d8 Strength damage unless they succeed a DC 39 Will save.

Anyone who makes it past their spells and fights back must deal with not only the suit of resistances and immunities conferred by the Archdevil status, but Belial’s Amorphous Anatomy and Reflexive Shapeshifting. Amorphous Anatomy allows them to cancel out Sneak Attacks, critical hits, and other precision damage by winning a coin flip, shrug off polymorph effects immediately, and regrow lost or damaged sensory organs to assure blindness and deafness don’t last for more than a round. Reflexive Shapeshifting is usable only once a battle (1/minute) but is their more powerful defensive option, granting them an immediate +10 AC against an incoming melee attack. If that attack misses, Belial can then flutter up to 30ft in any direction without provoking AoOs, usually slipping past the party’s buffed frontline.

Oh, yes... And all those buffs? Best avoid morale bonuses! Belial can copy any morale bonuses near them with Hedonistic Hope, gaining those bonuses as well and rendering them effectively meaningless. Even worse, if they manage to critically strike someone (with a x3 crit modifier on their ranseur!), any morale bonuses they have are automatically suppressed for 1 minute, leaving the Pale Kiss the only one reaping the rewards of everyone else’s work.

Terrifying power in such a beautiful package! And we’re barely halfway down the roster...

You can read more about them here.

[elwayken]

TW- Talking about self harm and self harm scars

I keep seeing fanart of Dazai with self harm scars and I have thoughts. Listen- I don’t have an issue with that. I actually believe Dazai is the kind of character to self harm however, not in the typical sense.

One thing people often forget about self harm is that it come in many forms. Most things can fall under that if done with the intention to inflict harm upon yourself. Drinking, pulling hair, not eating, holding your breath, scratching, taking scolding hot showers, isolation, and so much more can all be considered self harm.

Dazai in particular would have self destructive like those I just listed instead of cutting. Dazai hates pain, that is one thing made extremely clear throughout the show. He will go out of his way to avoid pain unless he sees no other way to. Tearing open your arm with a razor hurts and that’s the effect most people who self harm like that want. Dazai on the other hand would no want that. Like I said he hates pain.

I could go more into detail with my specific headcanons but I won’t because this is meant to be focusing solely on canon.

To sum up, Dazai is the type of character to self harm however, it would be in the none-typical sense.

[cityandking]

party comp, nat 20, session zero and heart for dai!

ty my dear // d&d player asks

Party Comp: Do you think about party composition while building a character? What role do you usually fill in your party, if any?

It's usually not my priority, but I do think about it, yeah. I try to avoid doubling up classes or too many abilities to make sure nobody is being squeezed out and the party isn't at a disadvantage. I'm happy to pinch hit so unless I'm desperate to play something I'll hold off until more people pick classes. My ideal character is one who maintains situational awareness and is ready to put the brakes on anything extremely self destructive—typically high WIS and/or INT with an ability to charm or reason out of a sticky situation.

Nat 20: What's the most memorable RP scene you've been a part of?

Hands down it was the Daichi-Izzy fight pre-Asmeda—I don't think I've ever had a character yell at another character before and also it was a really big moment for Dai, not to mention the long-lasting fallout—but second place goes to Bran overhearing Middy crying and checking on her. It was the first moment Bran really considered what it meant to look out for everyone, the way she promised Kestrel she would.

Session Zero: Is there anything specific you ask your players to have before you start playing (e.g. a secret about their character, a backstory event, etc.)?

Yep! I ask each player to bring a want, a fear, and secret. One thing their character wants, one thing their character is afraid of, and one secret their character is keeping. It helps me build situations that will be engaging for the player, and I've found it's a good way to get players (especially new players) to think more about their backstory.

Heart: What drives your character? Do they have a theme, question, mission, etc. that they're holding onto? How did you pick it for them?

Duty/obligation. Daichi has always had a sense of owing his service to the world around him—his dad's participation in the rebellion and loyalty to the Sunsingers is why he became an acolyte in the first place. To be honest I picked it sort of without thinking too hard, and didn't think it was going to resonate so strongly until we were well into the Void stuff and his one and only goal was to get the party home safely. Obviously it's a character motivation that got him dead so. Good choice @ past me

[dodo-begone]

Beware the Beast

Pairing: Yandere!Philza x Reader

Request: Maybe some yandere!philza headcanons? You don’t have to!

Word Count: 2k

Warning: yandere, swearing, talk about kidnapping, depression (kinda detailed on that aspect)

A/n: I accidentally turned this into a story- i really need to stop doing that. But I just couldn't resist! Also sorry if Phil is OOC. And this isn't proofread. We die like men here. Can be perceived as platonic or romantic.

This man has lived many years, lost so many loved ones. He’s getting tired of this cycle. It’s truly exhausting. You start to care about the world less. After a while, you start to see too many similarities in things, making it hard to look at. So he starts to close his heart to others. It’s just easier that way, for both parties. Saves him from the heartbreak and them from… well, him. He also stops caring for himself. After all, he’s literally immortal. Nothing can kill this man, so neglecting some self care routines every once in a while wouldn’t hurt…

But this becomes such a bad habit of his. He barely cares for himself after a while. It’s hard to find the energy when it isn’t going to matter in the end. Nothing matters anyways. Every action will always prove fruitless in the end. So what’s the point in doing something so... small if it takes this much energy? If a past version of himself saw Phil now, they’d be disgusted. Telling him to just get up and care for himself. Come on, you’re immortal. Nothing can kill you. Just do this.

He’s a mess when you two meet. His platinum-blonde hair was mostly neat, a little shaggy. It was obvious that he just got himself cleaned up a bit. One can only do so much about deep eyebags, dull hair, and lifeless eyes on such short notice.

You were introduced to him through Ghostbur. Phil was overjoyed that Ghostbur was making more friends. Though much less pleased when Ghostbur insisted that he’d bring his new friend over to meet Phil. Oh come on Phil, you’d just love them. They’re so nice! What tortured Philza more than his first interaction with you? His conversations with Ghostbur about you. He’d just prattle on about things you and him did, about how much fun you two had and how nice you were. Always nice.

And you were nice, an absolute sweetheart. But much too perky for Philza’s liking. You two had been chatting for quite a while when Ghostbur silently leaves you two together. Well, you’re chatting. Phil is just listening to you, hoping that you’d leave at any moment. Some topics were brought up; they were mostly some small icebreakers to get acquainted more.

When your past was brought up, you’d always paint this fucking picture-perfect past. So peaceful. God, the envy he had of you, of the peace you experienced in your life- He felt bad for it, honestly, he did. But he just wished he could’ve had even a fraction of the prosperity you spoke about. For someone living in the DSMP, you had a relatively easy and steady life. No war, no major or sudden loss or anything of that sort. A perfect life.

After that, you just kept coming back. Why? Why are you coming back? Are you here to taunt him for the life he lived? For the life he’ll never have? Is some god sending you as a punishment? A living example of everything he gave up, had to leave behind. That’s what he believed, anyways.

That was far from your intentions. You saw how he was in your first meeting; jumpy yet dissociating from reality. An oppressive, glum aura seemed to just emanate him. So downtrodden and dead inside, yet so obviously alive on the outside. It hurt to see him like that, as you went through something similar. You had no idea how long he’d been like that, but you decided that you’d help him in any way that you could.

You tried to make it a daily thing. Everyday you’d go to Phil’s house around midday to afternoon. You two would talk for a bit, but you’d couldn’t help sprinkling your questions in. Have you eaten yet, mr. Philza? Have you had water today, mr. Philza? Have you preened your feathers, mr. Philza? Have you bathed today, mr. Philza?

Your questions irked Phil. Everyday, without fail, you’d come and talk to him. It’d be small talk at first; what the weather was up to that day, some light politics, Tubbo’s new adopted son. Small. Yet you’d always bring up his self care. He was a fcking grown man. He could take care of himself. What’s worse? You’d pester him to care for himself in that instant if he even showed a small sign of negligence. And you’d stay the entire time, making sure he did everything. And then you’d always add “mr. Philza” on the end. It was a sign of respect, yet it upset him so much. But he couldn’t exactly pinpoint what it was.

Though it was annoying, it got him in the habit of caring for himself. It was only to stop your pesting! That’s the reasoning. The only reason. It wasn’t because you’re congratulating and giving him treats when he remembered to care for himself. Or you petting his wings… Those were only bonuses! He swears!

It becomes more steady as time goes on; you go and visit Phil, you talk with Phil and see if he’s caring for himself, and if he was, you’d reveal a delicious treat from within your enderchest. You two would talk while munching on the food, having fun sharing what your pasts were like. Well, more like yours. Phil didn’t really talk about his.

But he still seems so cold, disinterested. Even with how long you’ve been going over for. Like he’s only listening to what you’re telling him. If he’s even listening. And seeing how he interacted with others like Techno and Ranboo, it really disheartened you. He was so much more lively with them, more natural. Loud laughing and silly little antics. It only took a few small, insignificant depression episodes for your self doubt to finally debilitate you. Though it only really affected your contact with Phil; he was a big insecurity of yours.

So you start to distance yourself. You were hurting and saw yourself as a bother to Philza. It would’ve been better if you just didn’t try to talk to him anymore. He’d be so much happier without you bugging him all the time. All of this sudden, open time gives you much more empty hours. There was nothing to do. So you did what you could; you went out to make or strengthen friendships. It was so nice. You never realized how everyone on the smp was so nice. Maybe they weren’t as bad as Phil was making them all out to be…

Philza was upset the first day you weren’t there. You were such a steady element of his day. You were like the very air he breathed; it was extremely hard to live without you. He never noticed before how much he needed you. Yes, he knew that he really enjoyed you, saw that you were a pillar, a constant in his life. He came to enjoy your visits, but hadn’t realized how dependent he became because of them. It was day three when Phil started to worry about you. Why hadn’t you come to talk with him, like usual? He’s taking care of himself, just for you, just like you kept insisting he do. And he made you some cake.

He knew he was acting odd, lovesick even. His love for you was toxic, extremely so. It wasn’t healthy, yet he couldn’t care less anymore. You were like his nicotine to a smoker; he couldn't live without you being in his life. His everyday life. So after some debating, he finally went out to look for you.

Traversing the nether wasn’t too bad, but still a tedious walk. He was stuck in his mind the entire trip there, wondering where you could be and what you could be doing. Maybe you got caught up in making something. A redstone project? That’d be pretty cool. Or maybe moving? No, if you were, you’d have told him. But that didn’t stop him from speeding up just a wee bit. Just to make sure you were actually still on the smp.

His mind was racing, thinking of any possibility of what you were doing. And his mind eventually hit something that absolutely terrified him; you could be sick, injured, or dying. It felt like the world just fucking stopped. This was a sudden loss of contact and you still hadn’t come to talk with him. So that… that means there’s a high probability of you being in danger.

He ran the rest of the way to the main part of the smp. When he came out of the portal, he frantically looked around for any sign of you. For your house. Then it hit him; he had no idea where you lived. You only mentioned it being cold where you lived, just like where he lived. So that most likely meant Snowchester. He started running toward the cold nation

On his way to Snowchester, he observed his surroundings. A little bit. He had to get to you, keep his eye on the prize. And he was glad that he looked around. There you were, on another part of the prime path.

He was overjoyed to see you, especially doing so well. Soon he came to a stop. Just floored by the fact you were there, in front of him. Frantically he tried to view you as best he could, looking for any sign of injury or illness.

Now he couldn’t come across as clingy or desperate. That wasn’t how you knew him. You know him as Philza; the kind but a mild social recluse. Not really going out to others unless he needed something or he was needed.

So he walked over to you, trying his best to look nonchalant. Like he wasn’t just desperately searching for you a moment ago. He called out to you and guess what happened? You started to walk away. He was stunned. Did you just ignore him? No, you must not have heard him. It was kinda windy out at the moment.

Logically he did the best option, following you. He had no clue where your destination could be. You were going to a different area of the smp than he had been. My how the smp changed since the destruction of L’manberg. He knew it changed, but it seemed so much bigger than what you described.

He didn’t exactly pay attention to where you were indirectly leading him. That was until a flash of movement caught his attention. Snapping out of it, he looked to see what could’ve been going on. Who could’ve been there. And what he saw before him was a terrible sight.

Quackity stood by your side, animatedly chatting with you. Phil was confused as to why you were talking to Quackity of all people. You two recently talked about how Quackity was problematic and arrogant. If you knew that, then why were you talking to him?

Awkwardly he watched you. Not within earshot, but where he could keep an eye on you and Quackity. And Quackity was looking at Phil too. His eyes spoke volumes; Quackity wasn’t pleased that Phil was there. Boy was that sentiment shared. It was tense between the two, yet you still seemed oblivious to what was going on.

Then Quackity said something, putting his hand on your shoulder and leading you somewhere else. But gave one last look at Phil, one that just spoke “fuck off”. Phil wished he could’ve told Quackity the same. To get him away for you.

Quackity’s action sparked a thought in him. A reason as to why you hadn’t come to talk to Phil; Quackity must’ve kidnapped you! Yes, that’s why you hadn’t come. It makes so much sense. Quackity knows you and most likely knows you talk to Phil.

With how easily you tell Phil of the people you’re talking to, he doubts that the behavior would just change. But that’s what must’ve gotten you in so much trouble; you were too trusting, too kind-hearted. You gave Quackity a chance and he was stealing you away, imprisoning you. You needn’t worry dear, he’ll rescue you from that foul man.

[bamababygirl7]

🥰💞 This is so true! I was just talking about this with someone last night. I see many submissives jump into another dynamic not long after one ends. I totally understand feeling like you need the dynamic to thrive because I absolutely do better when I am held accountable and provided with rules and structure and of course everyone likes to be loved, guided, nurtured, etc.

But until you take time outside of a dynamic to heal and work on yourself, you won’t be able to understand the importance of this concept. It is amazing to have someone help you work through things, but sometimes it takes being alone and having to face yourself for you to truly be able to make changes. It can take being broken to make you take inventory and realize that if you don’t work on certain things and make changes within yourself for yourself, then you will keep repeating the same habits of destructive behavior or you will continue allowing yourself to be manipulated by others due to not sticking to your boundaries.

When my dynamic/marriage ended, I can’t tell you how many messages I got from Doms wanting to get to know me and see where things go. They wanted to take my pain away and show me what it meant to be loved correctly. They wanted to show me what a real Daddy/Dom is. That would have been the easy way out, and I am so thankful that despite my thinking that I needed to be in a dynamic to be my best self that I trusted my gut/instinct that said that as much as it sucked and as lonely as I would feel at times, I needed to take time away from being within a dynamic to heal and work on myself.

It was extremely hard work to have to come to the realization that sometimes I am the problem. I had things deep down that I needed to work on and change about myself that someone that I would have been in a new dynamic/relationship with would not have been able to know about me or help me work on because at that point, I didn’t even recognize them myself. It took being in a totally broken state and feeling like I couldn’t go on to force me to realize that I am responsible for my own happiness and my own feelings of self-worth. My happiness and how I felt about myself was totally dependent on one person for so long. And even though I knew that getting divorced was what needed to happen, I was just lost and went into a deep depression. All of the self-confidence that he had helped instill within me was gone. I was no longer receiving that validation from him which is what I relied on kind of like a drug to feel happy. I had to not only work on myself but also learn to truly love myself for who I am regardless of others’ opinions. I had to learn that nobody/nothing can invade my thoughts and impact my mood unless I allow it. People cannot take away your happiness if it is rooted within yourself.

I am not going to lie and say that choosing to be alone and committing to the process of changing my mindset and working on myself wasn’t horrible at times, extremely lonely a lot of the time, and the hardest thing that I’ve ever had to do. What I am going to say is that it was NECESSARY! The process is continuous because we should always be working on ourselves, and once we get to the point (which takes a while) where we have begun to make changes in the major areas that we need to work on and have learned to truly love ourselves instead of relying on validation from others in order to be happy or feel good about ourselves, only then can we truly thrive within a dynamic/relationship.

I am a fixer. I am also an empath. This is one of the reasons that I experience the depth of emotions that I do. This is also the reason that I am so passionate about helping others because I know it sounds crazy but I can literally feel their pain, and I want to take it away from them, many times at the cost of sacrificing my own mental health which is something that I am currently working on for myself. I also had to realize that I can’t fix/save everybody, and just like me, they have to put in the work towards healing, changing negative behaviors, and being able to genuinely love themselves and knowing their worth is not dependent on anyone else. I can give advice and help guide someone through the process, but only that person truly knows the issues that they struggle with deep down, and they are the only one who can make those changes when they are ready.

Obviously, you are never completely healed from trauma. You work through it and learn to cope. With time, the pain lessens. So I am not saying that you have to complete the entire healing and self-work process on your own. You do however have to get to the place where you have dug deep down and know what changes have to be made and have been actively working towards changing those things and knowing that you are truly worthy and how you feel about yourself is not reliant on anyone but yourself. You can’t expect someone else to fix you. When you get to a certain point, they can absolutely help encourage you, guide you, reinforce positive thoughts and behaviors and discourage negative ones, but they can’t do this if you have not already put in the work necessary to be changing these things on your own and for yourself.

Although this was written from my perspective as a submissive, the same applies to Dominants. I absolutely know that Doms are also abused and taken advantage of and hurt just as deeply as subs. Just because they are the leader/guide/protector doesn’t mean that they don’t experience emotions and pain just as deeply as we do. They are just expected by many to hold it in and not express these emotions outwardly or they feel like it makes them seem weak. There is nothing about showing emotions that makes anybody weak. In my opinion, it makes them stronger.

Everybody needs to put in the work towards recognizing their destructive behaviors and changing them for themselves first and foremost. HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE!!! Nobody can make you change no matter how much work they put into trying to help you if you are not willing to do the self work and are at a point where you are ready/wanting to change. It’s easy to say I want to change/work on myself but it’s your actions that are the true sign of whether what you are saying is true and you are committed to it or if you are just putting on a charade. As always, thanks for coming to my Ted Talk, and I hope everybody has an amazing day❣️❣️❣️

[witchyangela]

Team Edward vs Team Jacob? ( or Maybe it can be that deep)

Unless you’ve been totally removed from popular culture these past few years you have heard about Team Edward vs Team Jacob. It was everywhere for a while and it was one of the things that both drew people to twilight and drive people away. It also, while not inventing love triangles, added a huge amount to their popularity and prevalence in fiction (particularly YA). The other most famous love triangle in YA is of course from the Hunger Games.

However if you ask any self respecting Hunger Games fan about it, they will tell you it’s more than just that, that Peeta represents peace and rebuilding while Gale represents retribution and destruction (at their most simple) and Katniss choosing between them is in fact her choosing her future. This symbolic view of love triangles is rarely discussed Re. Twilight, and with good reason as it’s unlikely Smeyer intended one to be there. However I think, that twilight can be read in an equally allegorical way, so please take a trip with me to find out what’s beyond team Edward and team Jacob.

The very first question, is what do Edward and Jacob represent? The most obvious answer in life and death. Language describing Edward is full of metaphors describing him as cold, as drug like, as painful. Smeyer describes Bella feeling “withdrawal” when she is away from him. Jacob however is associated primarily with the sun and with warmth. There’s also the factor that physically Edward is dead, he has no heartbeat, doesn’t grow, doesn’t eat human food. Whereas Jake has a quick heart beat, grows more quickly that the average human, and needs to eat more human food. In this way Jacob seems to represent humanity at its most extreme, he is more human than Bella, Edward is less.

However this falls apart around eclipse, when Jacobs warmth becomes “burning” however it’s wildly accepted that Smeyer changed Jacobs characterisation drastically in Eclipse, even reverting back to his og characterisation in Breaking dawn. So If we take away that element then Edward and Jacob representing life and death makes sense. However Bella choosing death over life is wrong, right?

Well maybe not. At least not in Bellas mind. From the first line of the series we know Bella is borderline obsessed with death. She is distressingly self sacrificing, the first line of the entire series is her deciding to die “in the place of someone ( she) loves”. And throughout new moon Bella continues to be self destructive. It’s interesting that the famous cliff dive, is to get towards Edward in the form of a halluncination. And she is saved by Jacob. This scene shows at its most basic that Bella leaping towards Edward is her jumping to her death. And yet she chooses it. So it’s fair enough to say that Bella doesn’t particularly want to live.

Which is why Edward is the one she chooses. He offers the option for her to stop aging, to have to never make the difficult decisions that come with age. In many ways Bella choosing Edward is a symbolic death. But it’s also a very attractive prospect for a teenager anxious about aging, with a complex about responsibility. Which let’s face it lots of the people reading twilight were. Choosing Edward is easy because her is an end to all problems. Wheras while Jacob may offer solutions too through friendship and warmth. His path requires effort.

Which is why I think that Life and Death might be too reducative. When in reality they represent Stagnation and Recovery. Bella is put in a position where if she chooses Jacob she will have to work on herself. With him she is actively building the bikes, which are a fairly obvious metaphor. They were broken by someone else, but by putting time and effort in they can work again. Which is very much what is happening with Bella in New Moon, she feels broken but begins to put in work to put herself together.

Continuing the metaphor, in eclipse Edward presents Bella with his own motorbike. It’s fancy, fast, and ready to go. It doesn’t require work to be put in. And Bella sees it how the audience does. That it doesn’t meant the same as it doesn’t have the same love put into it. It isn’t the motorbike that matters but the time spent building it. And again and again Edward and Jacob are shown like this. Jacob gives Bella a wolf charm he spent time and love carving, but Edward gives Bella a diamond, that’s flashy but has no real meaning.

So she should have chosen Jake right? Well yes but it’s not that simple! Bella is clearly vulnerable and what she thinks she wants is what Edward is giving, something ready made, a perfect family, wealth, security, but she doesn’t see that they’re as empty as the bike Edward gives. She could have these things with Jake but she would have to work for them, would have to put effort into making his friends like her rather than have them be her “best friend” immediately. And putting work in is what makes things matter, as I established, but Bella doesn’t see this, she sees the security of the Cullens and is blinded by its flashy-ness. And Jacob can’t compete. Bella wants the end product immediately and he is a work in progress.

So what does this mean? If Bella chooses death and refuses to recover her ending is surely a tragedy? Well maybe! But it’s easier to understand once you look at it from the Mormon perspective it was written from. Because Edwards symbolic death isn’t a end. It is a beggining, and from then on its “paradise”. Bella choosing death is just a fast track to heaven. And hey, why bother trying to make your time on earth good when you know what comes next will be a thousand times better?

But if you remember that post that said “an immortal will never love as a human loves because love is about survival”? Yeah that’s the real Edward / Jacob divide. Eternity is impossible to comprehend, and maybe this is just me but even a “perfect forever” sounds like it would be unbearable. Jacobs version of a happy ending may be shorter and less complete but like the bike and the wolf charm it’s also more real. So it’s easy to understand why Bella, Smeyer, and many readers chose Edward, as a fantasy it’s unbeatable. But if I had to choose? Team Jacob forever!

[time-variance-archive]

Character appreciation post : He Who Remains

I'm making this post because I don't think He Who Remains recieves enough attention and love from the fandom.

First of all, you won't see me calling him Kang for one simple reason : he's not a Kang anymore. The same way calling Sylvie Loki (unless it's to call her "a Loki" which is different), calling him Kang feel very wrong to me. He chose another destiny for himself, and he's a very, very different character from Kang (at least the comic versions of Kang)

Who is Kang ?

In the comic books, Nathaniel Richards, aka Kang the Conqueror, has been a dictator several times, but it's not it's ultimate goal in life. His first motivation is war for the sake of war, and of course victory. Back in his youth, Richards was a young man from a very peaceful future, sometimes a bullied kid, or at least someone who didn't fit in his society and dreamt of more brutal times, when life was actually dangerous.

Then, one day, he found Dr Doom's lair and stole his time machine. He thinks he's Doom's descendant, even if he was named after his ancestor Nathaniel Richards and his probably a descendant of Reeds Richards (I think he's canonically both). His first step was in Anciant Egypt, where his technology allowed him to become the Pharaoh Rama Tut. But he quickly became bored of ruling and started new wars at several places in time, before he discovered the multiverse (that he has probably caused himself with his time travel).

The recent comics confirm the idea that Kang is motivated by adrenaline, and in some way a dark version of Doctor Who bumbling through space and time with no real goal. He's often depicted as a bored man who has nothing more to achieve and sometimes even revels in potentially mortal danger. Even his love life is made of boredom and contradictions : he desires the beautiful princess Ravonna, but everytime he manages to get her on his side, he becomes bored with her and regrets the days she was fierce and independant.

And who is He Who Remains ?

In the comics, HWR is the last director of the TVA, who's mission is to assure the reboot of the universe when its death is imminant. He's a very old man, and even if he's been rumored to be a Kang variant, it was stated he is not.

MCU's version is a mix of comics HWR and Immortus, the ultimate version of Kang. This variant is the last surviving Kang, an older and wiser man who found inner peace in his citadel at the end of time with a Ravonna variant he "rescued" from his own counterpart (while still being extremely abusive to her, at least psychologically). He even got a son called Marcus Immortus (yes it's funny and his design is as stupid as you can imagine a 80s Marvel character to be).

Why do I love Loki's version of HWR ?

First of all, I really love the idea of merging the TVA, Immortus and Alioth in a single faction. It makes things simple and give all of them a consistant role that I find a bit more interesting than all of them separately. In the comics, the Time Keepers exist as physical entities who do what they are meant to do : keep the universe in order so it can reboot correctly at the end of times. As I already said in this post, I think making the Time Keepers a lie was a clever writing choice.

I also really appreciate how he mirrors Sylvie. Both are characters who have explicitely refused their assigned purpose. She's a Loki who has the powers of an Enchantress, he's a Nathaniel Richards who became He Who Remains. His whole purpose as a Kang was to live a life of meaningless destruction and chaos, but he chose order and a purpose higher than himself (in his own mind). I ultimately don't think HWR is a villain, at least not in the traditional sense. He sees himself as a protector of the multiverse, and he effectively brough peace in the world and probably made a lot of sacrifices for it. Yet, he's self aware about the death he caused and calls himself a villain. Unlike Thanos, though, he doesn't cry over a crime he's about to commit, but he assumes his own responsibilities.

But there's another aspect of HWR that I find fascinating : his visibly very unstable mental health. He's been stuck in his tower reading MCU scripts for probably centuries (which is a very miserable life, we all agree ^^). While he did what he had to do to stop his variants from coming to life, he also likely regrets the life he's been missing out. Just like Sylvie is ultimately showing her Loki colors, betraying the one she loves because of her trauma and her need to fullfil her "Glorious Purpose", HWR shows excitement when he talks about his variants. He also implies he has their memories, another power of Kang who can absorb his variant's minds and possess their bodies at will. The Kang sculpture in the last sequence shows Kang's true colors finally won. Unlike the discreet, "benevolent" HWR who didn't seek any personal glory, this new TVA director is acting like the boastful and megalomaniac Kang from the comics.

Finally, I want to praise Jonathan Majors for his terrific acting. His portrayal of HWR is very unsettling at first, and I think most of us felt disapointed at the first viewing. And that's the point. HWR isn't this charismatic big MCU villain we all expected. He's just a man, and not a very impressive one. He's acting silly, seems a bit pathetic and doesn't even fight back (which is the creepiest thing in the whole show in my opinion).

For all those reason, I am really fond of this character, and part of me wants him to have some sort of a redemption arc because he did have the best intents but ended up committing atrocities in the name of peace. I don't think it's going to happen, though my personal way to end the multiversal war would be to fix what leads people like Nathaniel Richards to become supervillains. Maybe a bit of healthy competitive hobby would save the multiverse ^^.

[tittytania]

Finding ChristBorg: A TED talk about what happened during the Coldharbour Compact.

Reposted from my tes reddit bc I want to see what y’all think.

I can't tell if I'm a genius, completely insane, or if I'm just late to the lore-party. Time to find out I guess. TL;DR at the bottom.

So it has never been explained what Sotha Sil did during the Coldharbour Compact to convince the daedric princes to not manifest on Nirn without an intermediary, and it probably never will be since the mystery of it all is far too cool. But that doesn't mean I can't read into it like literature and look for meaning in the other texts I can compare it to.

To start, Vivec is based off of the Shakta variation of the half female/half male Ardhanarishvara, where the gold-skinned female half is the right side. Both Vivec and Ardhanarishvara represent unity and duality, and looking at some images of Ardhanarishvara, it's kinda hard to argue that Vivec wasn't based off of them. Kirkbride even confirmed that Ardhanarishvara was the inspiration for Vivec in an AMA. Now, Vivec is part of the god trio the Almsivi Tribunal, along with Almalexia and Sotha Sil. Shiva, who Ardhanarishvara is the avatar of, is also part of a god trio, called the Trimurti in Hinduism. So it would make sense if the other members of the tribunal are also based off of one member of a real world religious triad. I have a shaky idea of who Almalexia could be, but my theory for her god-inspiration is nowhere near as solid as my theory for Sotha Sil, who I believe is based on Jesus Christ.

To start, their characterizations have multiple similarities. Both are one branch of a god-triad, with Sotha Sil as part of the Tribunal, and Jesus as The Son in the Holy Trinity. Both serve as a teacher, with Jesus being referred to as Teacher several times in the Bible, and Sotha Sil giving lessons on magic and Mysticism to the Psijic Monks. Also, both are characterized as wise, patient, and celibate. They both talk about moral and philosophical concepts with their followers, neither Jesus nor Sotha Sil are shown as having a temper or raising their voices, and neither of them are shown with a spouse or partner. Sotha Sil is specifically shown as not caring about the Night Mother's attempts to sexually manipulate him in book seven of 2920, The Last Year of the First Era. Now I know that 2920 is considered a work of historical fiction in-universe, but I don't think that matters in this situation since I'm approaching this as a person reading a text, not as a person living inside the lore world.

In terms of specific scenes that connect Sotha Sil and Jesus, the first I will mention is that they both use a makeshift whip to beat intruding wrongdoers and drive them away, while yelling about fathers. In the Truth in Sequence vol. 8 book, it says that "[t]hrough His will alone, Mighty Seht wound the veins (of metal ore) into god-bronze whips, and lashed the Prince pitilessly," saying "[b]ehold the wrath of lost Ald Sotha! Know death at my hands, false-son of a false-father!" In the Bible, Jesus found people doing sales in a place of worship, and then He "made a whip of cords, (and) He drove them all out of the temple," saying “Take these things away! Do not make My Father’s house a house of merchandise!” (John 2 15-16).

Also, Jesus had close friends and followers who were called his apostles, and Sotha Sil has his own Clockwork Apostles. Sil's apostles reside in the Clockwork Basilica, and while basilica isn't an exclusively Christian term, it is frequently used to describe a type of church architecture, and is a term the pope uses to recognize distinguished churches.

Another similarity that I found was in the plot of Morrowind, where Sotha Sil's death was caused at the hands of Almalexia, who was someone he had once loved and trusted, much like with Jesus and Judas.

The most notable life similarity as it relates to the Coldharbour Compact is that both leave the earthly world in order to make a deal for the benefit of the souls on earth, and then return to the earthly world. This parallel is given extra weight with the descriptions of the scene in the book 2920, The Last Year of the First Era. Sotha Sil returns from Coldharbour by way of someone "rolling aside the great boulder that blocked the entrance to the Dreaming Cavern. This sounds a lot like the scene in the bible of the discovery that Jesus had risen from the dead, where "an angel of the Lord descended from heaven, and came and rolled back the stone from the door" (Matthew 28:2). In addition, Jesus said "after He is killed, He will rise [on] the third day," (Matthew 17:23) and after Sotha Sil returned from Coldharbour, he "felt he had been away for months, years, but only a few days had transpired." Perhaps it had been 3?

In addition to the life and behavior similarities, there are similarities in dress. In the 2920 book, Sotha Sil is always described as wearing a white robe or cloak. In ESO, Sotha Sil is shown as barefoot, and wearing a blue sash over his long white robe. In medieval and renaissance art, Jesus is most always depicted as barefoot, and is frequently shown with a blue cloth over his shoulder. In most resurrection art, as well as in almost all 20th/21st century art, Jesus is depicted as dressed in white. While Jesus usually isn't usually shown wearing both the blue sash and the white robe at once like Sotha Sil is, I found one modern interpretation of Jesus that does dress him this way, and several depictions of him in Chinese art that also portray him like this.

I'm feeling almost conspiratorial here, but these similarities are far too many for me to think it's accidental, and therefore I have to think that all of this is meant to suggest that Sotha Sil serves a Christ-figure role in his story, i.e. in sacrificing own life like Jesus did in order to make his deal in the Coldharbour Compact. However I don't think Sil's sacrifice was quite so simple. After he is asked what he offered the Daedra in return for the deal, he states: "The deals we make with Daedra... [s]hould not be discussed with the innocent." This implies that in contrast to the Christ mythos, Sil's sacrifice was not blameless; he did not come out of the deal with his hands clean.

So, a Christ-like sacrifice that isn't quite as pure and selfless as it is in Christianity. What could that be?

My theory is that in order to make the Coldharbour Compact, he sold the lives of Vivec and Almalexia along with his own. Perhaps he told the princes that he knew the tribunal's godhood would end, and in exchange for their cooperation he promised not to tell the other tribunes or make any attempt to prevent his and his companions' demise. (After all, as far as I know he made the mechanical heart for keeping his city functional, not for recreating the divinity the heart of Lorkhan provided.) Or, maybe he offered to do something to assist in bringing the Tribunal down, and losing Sunder and Keening, the tools that helped them maintain their divinity, was intentional on his part. Sil deliberately sacrificing his own life appears to be reflected in Azura's statement after his death. She said "he shed his mortality long ago, and I am certain his death was no small relief to him." Of course she'd know that he let go of his life ages ago if he had willingly sold it to her. Of course she would be certain that he found his death to be a relief, if she'd heard him say so himself when he was explaining why a god would ever offer such a deal.

It would also make sense with Sotha Sil's character, since he allegedly loved the people on Nirn more than Almalexia or Vivec did, and the destruction of Gilverdale could have definitely been a traumatic enough reminder of the destruction of Ald Sotha for him to do something dramatic to prevent it ever happening again. And guilt over sacrificing his friends could have definitely been a contributing factor to the worsening self-isolation and intense depression in his later life. It would also be a definite explanation for why he apparently never met another soul in the 10 years between losing the tools and his death. Not only had he become extremely disillusioned with the imperfections of the world, he had now finalized the deal he made so long ago, and saw no point in continuing to interact with a deeply flawed world he was essentially finished with.

However, I do see some issues with this and how it would work in-universe. Namely the fact that Hermaeus Mora's seekers said the prince received something from every individual on Nirn as part of the deal, which is quite different from what I'm suggesting. A different deal for each prince would also explain why Sil was able to include Clavicus Vile and Mephala in the compact at a much later date. There would be no reason for Vile and Mephala to submit to a collective deal whose terms had already been decided. So if he offered the tribunal's lives as part of the deal, he would have needed to offer other things as well. But for me the most significant in-universe issue I struggled with was that using his death as a bargaining tool would create a massive problem for his ability to enforce the deal in the future. This could explain why both Molag Bal and Mehrunes Dagon manifested on Nirn after Sotha Sil's death, but since I think they were summoned by qualified mortals that could have been a loophole. Either way, making a deal that is meant to last forever by promising something that can never be taken back in the case of a breach of contract seems extremely short-sighted for someone who claims to be cursed with certainty. Especially considering how many of the princes there were known to be cheats and liars.

Unless, that is, you believe this theory I read about the reason why Sil was completely silent as he was killed. My original belief was that he was silent because he'd seen it coming long ago, and knew that nothing he could have said would have changed Almalexia's mind. And while that would be in character for him, now I'm starting to think that it was because he had already uploaded his consciousness elsewhere. This would fit in with the Christ-figure parallels, due to the Christian belief that Jesus is risen from the dead and very much alive. While Jesus returned to life at the same time he emerged from the cave, the completion of Sotha Sil's death sacrifice didn't happen until long after his return via the cave. While I have found no explicit evidence that he's still around, when you find his body in Morrowind he is shown hanging, with his arms outstretched at his sides, in a sort of crucifixion pose. And after the crucifixion comes the resurrection. Perhaps Sotha Sil is still around somewhere in the gears of his city, and he promised the princes he'd never be present or have any influence on Nirn so long as they kept up their end of the deal. Additionally, the 37th sermon of Vivec mentions Sotha Sil as holding "his swollen belly," carrying "[his] daughter." While Vivec's sermons are hardly ever literal, Kirkbride's comments suggest that maybe Vivec was being somewhat literal in this instance. Regarding this concept art, Kirkbride said "note the cosmic baby growing inside Sotha Sil. While Sotha Sil is dead as we saw in the add-on pack “Tribunal”, the child survived." Perhaps one of Sotha Sil's many body modifications made him able to carry and birth a child, and then he created a daughter through self-cloning or some other method that allows him to have enough influence to enforce the compact.

TL;DR - Sotha Sil has a lot of similarities with Jesus, so he's a Christ figure and therefore his sacrifice in the Coldharbour Compact was himself, and Almalexia and Vivec too, and that also means that he may still be around.

Anyways, thanks for reading and sorry if this sounds like I'm putting red strings on a wall as my application essay to the r/SothaSimps fan club. Also, lmk if I'm missing anything obvious. For me right now Reading Lore On The Bedroom Floor is a bit more manageable than playing the games, and there may be something I've just completely looked over.

[silkling]

So, @pastelpaperplanes, I did it again. Apparently a) I have no self control, and b) my brain wouldn’t stop screaming at me till I wrote this. The song for this drabble is at the end of the post, but be warned there’s a very minor twist after the “keep reading”, so try not to spoil yourself by getting to it early. I hope you all enjoy this! (Maybe now my little gremlin brain will let me go back to my Dojo Ghost Prowl AU)

Yoketron watched Lockdown with a critical eye, stepping in when the youngling’s stance was too wide to nudge his feet closer. His student looked at him, eyes curios and demanding an explanation. The ninja smiled, fond. This was why Lockdown was one of his favorite students. The young mech always wanted to learn and understand. He didn’t mindlessly listen and obey, but rather questioned so he could better know why things were done instead of just how they were done. It was refreshing.

He blinked, both he and Lockdown freezing in place when there was a knock at the door. That was...unusual. He’d always made it very clear that he wasn’t to be disturbed when he was in a lesson, unless it was a true emergency. He glanced at his student, pondering his next actions for only a moment before nodding. “Lockdown, you may take a break. I will see if this is not something I can solve without halting your lesson.” When the youngling nodded and folded himself down to begin a series of easy stretches, Yoketron turned and walked to the door. He blinked, resignation settling in his chest as he was greeted with who was on the other side.

It was his son, Prowl, held in the arms of his most recent caretaker. His very frazzled looking caretaker. The femme made a sound of manic hysteria, shoving the infant into his Sire’s chest as soon as she saw him. He brought his arms up on reflex, hands curling around the small frame as he allowed his son’s back to settle into the curve of his arm. “I can’t do this anymore!” the wild looking caretaker wailed. “That is not a normal sparkling! I quit!” With that, she whirled around and sped off as if the Unmaker himself were at her heels.

Yoketron stared after her for a moment, then with one hand he slid the door shut and turned an unimpressed look onto his son. “Again, little one? That is the third caretaker in a month. You cannot keep doing this.” he scolded. Though, it clearly had no effect, because the little bot only looked pleased at the attention being directed to him. Prowl gave a soft whuff of a breath, one hand lifting and pressing the knuckle of his thumb to his mouth as he stared up at his Sire.

The Dojo Master heaved a sigh, briefly turning his gaze heavenwards as if praying to Primus for some form of a sign. His son wasn’t a poorly behaved sparkling, not really. He never screamed, or cried, or broke things. He never made a mess, and was he really was very quiet and peaceable. If he had done any of those things, then Yoketron knew that caretakers would be able to handle him. But no. His son acted out in more...discreet ways. He refused to listen to anything that was asked of him. He stared his caretakers into a terrified silence whenever they tried to talk to him. He somehow appeared suddenly in front of them in places they hadn’t left him. He got into extremely dangerous situations that his panicked caretakers would take ages to figure out how to fix and wander off to disappear while they were doing the fixing. He deliberately hid from them, doing it so well that none of them could ever find him and they had to get his Sire to find and retrieve him. He even hid their belongings. Rather than be loud and destructive, Prowl had mastered the art of infant physiological warfare. So far, he had driven 18 separate caretakers into a stress induced breakdown. Well, now 19, he supposed.

“You are, I think, far too attached to me for anyone’s good.” Yoketron informed his son succinctly. Prowl just tiled his head curiously as his Sire looked down at him, then wrinkled his nose and sneezed. He looked very irritated at his body’s action once he’d done so. Yoketron sighed, shaking his head before he turned back to his student. Unfortunately, there was no one else in the Dojo who could take care of Prowl right now. That meant that for today, at least, he had to keep his son with him.

Lockdown had finished his stretches, and by now was staring curiously. “Who’s that?” The youngling asked, head tilted as he padded over slowly. Yoketron hummed, lowering his arms so his student could get a better look at his child.

“My son and heir.” he remarked dryly. “He is very fond of me and absolutely no one else. I’ve yet to find a caretaker who can handle him for more than a week. The longest lasted a month, I believe.” he sighed.

Lockdown just blinked, staring at the sparkling. His plating was thin and dull, his colors not yet fully settled and intense as they’d be on an older mech. It made his coloring look softer, which combined with rounded, squishy features made the small bot look very unthreatening. “This pipsqueak is that much of a terror?” he asked incredulously. “What does he even do that’s so bad? Throw a few too many tantrums?”

Yoketron only sighed. “I only wish that were the case, my student.” he stated, turning his head to give his son a look. “No, this little menace has somehow mastered his own unique form of psychological warfare.”

Lockdown stared at the sparkling, who had turned his head to pin him with a startlingly intense look. After a moment, the infant’s eyes narrowed, as if deciding he didn’t like this smaller-than-an-adult newcomer. “...he what.” he deadpanned. “How does a baby even use psychological warfare?” he asked.

His master only sighed. “That, I do not know. He is far to smart for his own good.” he grumbled, then straightened and tucked his son more firmly into his chest with one arm, his other lifting to place a hand on his student’s shoulder. “I apologize, Lockdown, but I will have to keep him with me for the remainder of your lesson.” he said.

The youngling only shrugged. “Don’t matter to me. Not like there’s much time left to it today anyway.” At Yoketron’s gesture, the youngling returned to the center of the mat. The older ninja paced around the younger, eyes narrowed and focused.

“Metallikato, Forms 34 and 56.” he instructed. Lockdown nodded, then obediently shifted through them. Yoketron watched his student with a critical eye, calling out corrections where they were necessary, but otherwise remaining silent. A glance at his son showed that the sparkling was starring unerringly at Lockdown, his gaze sharper and more intense than most youngling’s his age would be. Yoketron knew his son was observing, and learning as much as he could at his current level of mental and physical ability.

Prowl was a clever sparkling, with more cunning than even some adults Yoketron knew. He didn’t have complete mobility yet, and his limbs were still soft with infancy, but already he could see his son’s frame beginning to develop its own hidden strengths. He knew the sparkling would grow into a powerful ninja one day. Perhaps, one even more so than himself.

He returned his attention to his student, continuing to give out forms for the youngling to practice, until their lesson came to an end. Lockdown turned, bowing his his mentor before leaving the room. Alone with his son, Yoketron turned his attention to Prowl, who only looked deeply pleased that Lockdown was gone. Yes, the infant was far to attached to his Sire.

Yoketron only gave a huff of laughter, shaking his head and carrying his son to his room. Prowl’s crib was in the corner, but the ninja simply ignored it in favor of grabbing his favorite scroll from the shelf and settling on his bed to read. He had long mastered the ability to read his scrolls one handed, so one arm remained curled under his son as he settled against his pillows and opened the scroll. He read for a while, stopping only when the clock on his nightstand informed him it was time to eat.

He went to the kitchen, grabbing dinner for both himself and Prowl, before returning to his room. After he ate, he prepared Prowl’s bottle of sparkling energon and fed it to him, watching fondly as the little bitlet gripped at the nozzle of the bottle with small hands and suckled almost lazily. When the sparkling finished, Yoketron quickly returned the dishes to the kitchen before he returned to his room. There, he made his way back to the bed, settling in comfortably. He ignored the scroll for a moment, curling both arms under his son and lowering his head to look the infant in the eye.

Prowl stared at him, burbling softly and reaching out with a little hand to grab his father’s nose. He gave a tiny, pleased coo at his success. Yoketron’s gaze became infinitely softer as a delighted smile pulled the sparkling’s lips, humming gently as his son babbled something at him. He pulled his nose free, then lifted his head and pressed a kiss to Prowl’s forehead, in the middle of the tiny chevron. “You may be trouble, my little one, but I am so very pleased to call you mine.” he murmured fondly.

He settled the infant against his chest again, directly over his heart since he knew Prowl liked to listen to his heartbeat. He freed one arm, then reached for the scroll again. This was perhaps his favorite story. Prowl was too young for it yet, but Yoketron had read it countless times. The scroll told the tale of an old man who was beloved by his family. He had only one child, but he considered all in his house to be family, though of course his most beloved family member was his son. One day, a terrible calamity swept the land. A drought so bad and so hot the ground burned the feet of those who walked it. The old man, who remembered the old tales that most of the town had forgotten, knew what he had to do.

He went to the old temple in the forest, and prayed to the gods to save his home and his family. The gods had answered, but they had demanded a price. The old man would be forgotten by the town, as if he had never existed at all. He was distraught, but when he remembered his weakening son he agreed. It rained the very next day, and all in the town forgot who the old man had ever been. All of then, that is, except for his son, for he too knew the old stories and had always carried a protective talisman with him. When he realized that no one remembered his beloved father, and that the rain had come so suddenly, he knew it was the work of the gods. He went to the temple himself, and demanded the return of his father. The gods, who had spirited the old man away so he could be truly forgotten, were surprised. They had not expected anyone to remember, had not expected anyone to stand against their magic. The gods refused, however, for a deal had been struck and the son had played no part in it. Then they retreated to their own realm, leaving the son alone.

The son, overwhelmed by grief, abandoned his home and struck out to find the gods. He would have his father returned, even if he would die doing it. And so the son travelled for years and years, always trying to chase down the gods who had stolen his father from him. Along the way, he found on old falcon who became attached to him, and stayed by his side for his journey. What he didn’t know was that the falcon was his father, who the gods had given a new shape to ensure his old life would be forgotten by all who might know him. The son and the falcon travelled long and far, and there were many records of their adventures in the many towns which they took rest in. No one knew what became of the son, but some say that in the dark of the night, if you go to the last place he had been seen alive, you can see two pale, misted falcons, flying into the moonlight above.

It was a story of love and fatherhood and loss, and though there was no happy ending, or even any true ending at all, Yoketron had always enjoyed the deeper meanings of the story. By the time he finished the scroll, night had fallen and the rest of the Dojo was quiet and peaceful with sleep. The ninja stood, returning the scroll to its place and stepping towards the crib. Immediately, Prowl made a noise of discontent, and Yoketron heaved a sigh. He didn’t want to deal with his son’s stubbornness tonight. So, he simply turned to his bed, placing Prowl down on it so he could get them both dressed in sleeping clothes. Then he picked his son up, tucking them both under the covers and pulling Prowl to his chest. He knew Prowl would not fall asleep easily, but he had one trick that always worked.

Yoketron lifted his son closer to himself, humming deep in his chest. Immediately, the little one’s attention snapped to him, rapt. He smiled, warm and fond, and lowered his head to press his forehead to his son’s. Prowl’s eyes closed at the soothing hum he heard from his Sire, though he obviously wasn’t falling asleep. Yoketron’s lips twitched into a bigger smile, and as he stared at his son he opened his mouth to croon an old lullaby.

“Goodnight my angel, time to close your eyes...”

Prowl woke with the echoes of an ancient lullaby in his ears. A song he’d thought he’d forgotten years ago. He stared at his ceiling, his room deep and dark enough to tell him that it was still night out, and wondered why he was awake. There was a breeze from the cracked open window, and his cheeks felt cool. He startled, sitting up slowly and lifting his fingers to touch his cheek. They came away damp, and his sleep-heavy mind struggled to understand why.

Something dropped to the blanket pooled on his lap. He looked down, noting a small wet spot, as if a drop of water had soaked into the fabric. He stared down, uncomprehending, and another joined it. That’s when it clicked. He was crying. His cheeks were wet with tears. Tears he was still shedding. But why...?

Then he remembered his dream. His Sire. It hadn’t been a dream, it had been a memory. An old one. He didn’t know how he was able to remember that. He’d been so young. He shuddered, still able to hear the peaceful rumble of Yoketron’s voice as he crooned that old lullaby. Without realizing it, he found himself grabbing the old ribbon from under his pillow, the only scrap of his Sire he had left. He clutched it in a fist, bringing his hands to press the heels of his palms into his eyes as he choked on a sob. He had forgotten that his Sire used to sing him that lullaby. It had always soothed him, even when he’d been big enough to think he didn’t need soothing.

Another ugly sob tore from his throat, and his shoulders shook as he fought to silence himself. He missed the Dojo. He missed the gardens. He missed the training hall. He missed the smell of old paper and ancient, well treated wood. He missed the sounds of training. He missed the peace. He missed Jazz him. He missed his Sire. He missed that lullaby. He missed home.

Prowl forced himself to lie down, curling his hands into his chest and rolling onto his side. He shuddered and heaved as he cried silently, his pillow soaking in the tears that fell. He screwed his eyes shut, knowing it wouldn’t help, but wanting only to fall back asleep and forget this breakdown ever happened.

He did drift off, eventually. As another breeze swept into his room through his open window and dried his tears, his mind, half-asleep and unfocused, could almost hear the echoes of a song on the wind that caressed his cheeks.

“Someday we'll all be gone

But lullabies go on and on

They never die

That's how you and I will be....”

✧

Also, probably fairly obvious, but the song for this drabble is Lullaby (Goodnight, My Angel) by Billy Joel. Listen and W E E P.

[fishyfod]

Winter & Yang Parallels and Contrasts

A comparison of Winter Schnee and Yang Xiao Long, and how they are shaped by their society and circumstances.

Or a thinly veiled excuse to gush about two characters I like

[gif by 5by5brittana]

This is split into four parts:

Pre Volume 1 backstory and characteristics

Relationship with younger siblings

Parallel Journeys between V1-5 and V7-8

Rough Speculation for Volume 8

Spoilers for RWBY V8 E1-7. Under the cut because this turned out very long.

Also, take this with a grain of salt? I wrote this for fun. This really is just, me going off the deep end.

I. Childhood and Upbringing

Winter and Yang are both the eldest children of their respective families, and have spent most of their lives growing up in the shadows of their legacies: the Schnee name and the fallout of team STRQ. These legacies are tragedies, and for better and for worse Winter and Yang are in the unique position where they also know the before, the brief time their families were whole (at least on paper). As their families broke apart, Winter and Yang have felt the need to fill the parent role for their younger siblings (more on that later).

This is the curse of the parent-sibling*, in which the lines between adulthood, childhood and parenthood are all blurred together when one is still a child. Winter grew up as Willow and Jacques’s facade of a marriage slowly fell apart and Willow turned to alcohol, leaving Weiss and Whitley under the care of  Jacques - a manipulative abuser - and someone had to step up between him and Weiss and Whitley. Klein, it should be noted, was the exception to the rule, as most staff reported to Jacques. Yang never had Raven, she lost Summer and for a while Taiyang after he shut down - someone had to take care of Ruby. Qrow just couldn’t be a full-time replacement to any of them

* [I believe the professional term is “parentification”.]

[RWBY Official Manga Anthology Vol. 4: I Burn]

This is Winter and Yang’s own personal tragedy, and as inspiring as it might seem from the outside - a mature, responsible child that helps parent their younger sibling - it is not at all healthy for the child in question. It does not matter if things might’ve improved later, the damage has already been done. Parent-siblings tend to become caretakers as well, and this manifests in both Yang and Winter, albeit in very different ways.

Which leads me to the next point, which is to emphasize the differences in both of these scenarios. The expectations from the Schnee name are very much a product of high-class society and Atlas superiority, which is very different from STRQ’s private falling out. Winter is roughly 7 and 10 years older than Weiss and Whitley, so she’s about 12 when Weiss (5 at the time) would become more aware of Jacques’s behavior, 17 when Willow began drinking. Yang was about 6 when Summer disappeared and the trek to the woods happened, and it is unknown for how long Taiyang shut down. Willow became seriously depressed just before Winter left for Atlas, whereas Taiyang eventually got back on his feet. Winter was abused by Jacques, Yang was abandoned by Raven.

Winter’s speech often involves doublespeak with hidden meanings, a strict deference to decorum, and a fair share of veiled (or unveiled) insults. She is closed off, and rarely engages in open physical contact. In private with her siblings or close friends, she tends to be softer, and may hug or pat on one’s shoulders. She has learnt this behavior in order to navigate Atlas society and quell her father whilst protecting herself and her siblings. Unfortunately, Klein appears to be the only staff to put the children’s needs before his servitude to Jacques, so even Winter’s interactions with Weiss and Whitley are soured by this prim, and at times, hurtful behavior; even then appearances must be kept. This is why Winter doesn’t act like a typical “Mom friend”, and why her need to take care of others manifests differently: in her conscience and willpower to protect others. Hence, she trains to become a huntress, the personification of protection, a way to help despite her difficulties expressing that need more conventionally.

Yang is open and outgoing, an easy conversationalist and very physically affectionate with her peers. She is upbeat, and also tactful at the same time. Why? Some of it has to do with her severe abandonment issues, making her more prone to bask in her connections to others. Equally important are the experience and circumstances she had growing up. She grew up in Patch, a relatively small community that is at best middle class. She had Ruby - only two years younger - to entertain and to teach, and in such a small household that also means many chores and mundane responsibilities to take on. By all accounts, Taiyang made enough of a recovery from his depression to parent well enough, and seems a fairly affectionate person himself. With all this encouragement and learnt skills, little hinders Yang from caring for Ruby and others openly and proudly. Ergo, Yang acts like a “Mom friend”.

These are Winter and Yang’s main personas, one uncaring and one unreserved. It is only natural that away from prying eyes or when put on the edge, they drop the facade and act contrary to it. For example, when Winter is angry or provoked, she lashes out and loses her composure. Usually, when Yang is angry she acts quite cold and restrained in her anger, and tries to project an unaffected persona. Alone with those she loves, Winter is more open and talkative, where Yang allows herself to be melancholic.

Yang may be open and candid, and could even be described as wearing her heart on her sleeve, but she is extremely reticent when admitting weakness or sharing her own personal grievances. Which is incredibly like Winter, though she is also taciturn in general. They have a tendency to avoid creating truly personal connections with others. They’re both used to putting on mask of strength and reassurance, and are quite adept at controlling their emotions (to a point). This is a defensive mechanism - they emulate the adults in their lives (who know the values of keeping up appearances) since they do not believe they will be taken seriously otherwise. They have internalized that no one will act on their behalf unless they offer something in return. By acting quasi-maternally to their younger siblings, they continue this act because it’s how they think a responsible adult should raise children.

[RWBY Official Manga Anthology Vol. 2: Mirror, Mirror]

The “practice” in home on their sisters developed in them the belief they should put others before themselves, even outside their family. Selfless as it may be, without moderation this behavior could be quite unhealthy. The lack of concern to themselves makes them feel lost and without purpose, with low self esteem and self-destructive tendencies.

Winter gives up the luxury of the Schnee inheritance for servitude in the army, a perfect place for someone who believes herself expendable. She says her personal feelings don’t matter, and is willing to throw down her life for others. Sounds familiar? Yang wants to become a huntress, which conveniently allows her to help others while drifting along life with no true purpose. She has very low self esteem initially, and her semblance literally benefits her taking hits for everyone else.

Intertwined with this, is a desire to find purpose, and to find value in oneself. They seek independence and a sense of control. For Winter, this meant training in the Atlas Academy and abdicating the title of Schnee Heiress. She remembers well when she could no longer rely on her father’s allowance. For Yang, it’s having a bike of her own and going out at night. She becomes protective of her appearance and long hair.

It’s worth noting that particularly a physical aspect of this independence - fighting - was something taught to them by the neglectful parents. Taiyang taught Yang to fight hand-to-hand before Beacon, and the hereditary nature of the Schnee semblance means Willow was most likely Winter’s first mentor.

Part of this behavior is also a need to escape the situation at home. With Winter that goes without saying - Jacques is abusive. Yang wants to leave the home she held together when she was a child; note her desire to travel the world, and her attempts to distance herself from Ruby so she won’t have to be relied upon even at Beacon.

In a sense, they’re both searching for the same thing - a parent to replace the ones who failed them. Ironwood and Raven both offer to be their replacement parent, at the cost of asking the children to leave with them to a new home, the one they’re leading and ruling. This doesn’t fix their family problem, and personally I believe neither Winter nor Yang full-heartily saw it as a solution, but they were both desperate enough to find anyone - anyone at all - that would take a weight off their shoulders and put them first. Yang searches for Raven, hoping she’ll find in her a mother despite everything. Fortunately for her, Qrow saved her from running after Raven prematurely. Unfortunately for Winter, James’s close friendship with Jacques meant he has known her from a young age, had observed how Jacques manipulates her and her family, and eventually offered himself as a savior from her situation at home. He had subtly groomed her into thinking the military - and more importantly, himself - was her only option to escape Jacques.

Despite this major difference, some similarities between Yang and Raven’s relationship and Winter and Ironwood’s relationship persist: the bandit lifestyle Raven offers Yang is militant and violent, similar to Ironwood’s army. Yang’s learnt conditional trust in authority would fit quite well with a bandit hierarchy built on perceived strength. Winter’s authoritarian outlook lends itself quite well to rise up in the ranks of the military.

Lastly, I’d like to point out the “inherited” philosophies of their respective replacement parents:

Raven’s philosophy: The weak die, so the strong survive on their own.

Yang’s philosophy: If I am not strong, I am weak and will be alone.

Ironwood’s philosophy: Every sacrifice is worth the cause.

Winter’s philosophy: I am not worth anything, so I can be sacrificed.

They’re all destructive mindsets, but the children inverted the implied destruction caused to others into their own self-destruction, in concordance with their shared need to put others before themselves. Part of the children’s progression will be to rise above these philosophies.

II. Yang & Ruby vs. Winter & Weiss

In the previous section I explained why Winter and Yang both act quasi-maternal and how it affected their growth and character. Now let’s examine their primary familial relationship, with their younger sisters Weiss and Ruby.

The simple truth is that much of what I said about Winter and Yang’s childhood is equally true for Weiss and Ruby, which could be explained quite easily - there’s only so much a child can do to replace adults. The important distinction is that for Weiss and Ruby someone did put them above everyone else, and that’s Winter and Yang. Consciously or by instinct, the elder sisters wanted to provide the younger sisters the safety they felt robbed off, and to give them the opportunity to grow and live as children like they couldn’t. In turn, the younger siblings put them on a pedestal and idolized them.

It is heavily implied Winter acted as a buffer between Jacques and Weiss, and was her confidant. Note how fluently they communicate their true thoughts  to each other by hiding them in sneers and insults, yet drop all pretense in private and speak clearly what’s on their mind then. Winter worries about Weiss’s health and well-being, and isn’t interested in her studies and ranking; this is a deliberate choice to belie what Jacques instilled in Weiss, to put her happiness before her image. Winter mentored Weiss’s semblance training and is her harshest critic. She was Weiss’s main motivator to rebel against Jacques, and advised her to cut ties with the Schnee name like herself; she warns her of the futility in trying to reason with their father on his own terms. Winter encouraged Weiss to follow in her footsteps as a huntress, and also in her decision to figure herself out independently.

Yang, in her own words, was the one to hold everything together following Summer’s disappearance. She protected Ruby from feeling loveless and alone as she herself felt, by putting herself there where Taiyang couldn’t be. She gave her attention, she read to her and hugged her. She played with her and entertained her, and went along with every joke and scheme Ruby wanted to make. She enables Ruby to let loose and have fun, to take pride in her accomplishments and to stand up for herself. It’s important for Yang to show her support and pride in Ruby as frequently as she does, most likely to compensate the times Tai couldn’t. Among her family, Ruby goes to Yang when she is worried and afraid. Yang truly was Ruby’s best friend growing up.

Note how both Winter and Yang instilled values in Weiss and Ruby that are better than their own, and encouraged them to be better than themselves. They want them to actively search for happiness, although they themselves seem incapable of following the same advise - Winter went to a thankless job with little reward, Yang is afraid of forming friendships that are not just surface deep. The younger, prodigal sisters are assertive and have set themselves clear goals and ambitions in contrast to their elder sisters, who both prefer to follow and dedicate themselves to others.

[gif by deshieart]

The idyllic picture I described here is not complete. Winter and Yang may have significantly improved Weiss and Ruby’s childhood, but in their limited power as children - or perhaps their simple human limitations - there are blind spots in their relationships. There are issues the younger sisters have separate from the ones the elders tried to shield them from.

Winter still grew up in Atlas and under Jacques, and she is not immune from the dangerous influence of both. Early on, Weiss seemed to believe in similar ideas, and part of that behavior is due to Winter’s influence. Although Winter’s escape from home is understandable, it must’ve left some Weiss bitter being left behind. Winter forwent the Schnee name, where Weiss wants to  change it for the better, and part of me can’t help but think Weiss’s conviction was affected by Winter leaving home.

As she grew up, Yang had two main caretakers - Taiyang and Qrow - who both experience difficulties addressing and sharing their problems openly. Yang, in turn, learnt not to share her own issues and put on a reassuring facade. She compartmentalizes, keeping her issues separate from what she shared with Ruby. But children are more perceptive than we might think, and Ruby must have picked up on Yang’s behavior and took it in. Ruby has her own version of keeping to herself - she ignores her problems and represses, avoiding the issue altogether with seemingly no healthy outlet. [x]

The narrative of the show tends to juxtapose these relationships against each other, cutting from one to the other and comparing them side by side, parallel or anti-parallel. The most obvious contrast is in their warmth: in Volume 3, Winter and Weiss are polite and reserved even privately, having lunch at an outdoor cafe. Yang and Ruby are loud and brash, playing video games and ribbing each other with their uncle. Winter pushes Weiss to confront Jacques directly, Yang seems content to support Ruby’s initiative by following her.

In volumes 4 and 5, the narrative matches the sisters in opposites: it is Yang and Weiss that are bound home and want to leave, and Winter and Ruby fighting in Mistral. Yang and Weiss overcome their personal struggles, and view their sister as their salvation, but end up finding each other first by chance (incidentally, Yang “returns” to Raven at the same time Winter returns to Atlas back to Ironwood). Meanwhile, Winter and Ruby become aware of Salem and the larger war at play.

When they are united with their sisters, this trend continues as Yang initiates the hug with Ruby and stops her nervous blabbering, and Weiss hugs Winter to stop her alarmed frenzy. Yang and Weiss reassure Ruby and Winter of their well-being.

[gif by sirianhewigxiii]

Come Volume 7, Winter returns as a full-time character and we see how after their respective reunions, the sisters return to their preestablished roles. Winter and Yang support Weiss and Ruby in their decisions and actions, listening to their younger sisters as they did before. Now, however, the sisters are on a more even footing: Weiss is now free of Jacques like Winter, Yang acts more assertive like Ruby. As a result, the relationship is less one-sided. For example, though Winter is not as doubtful of Ironwood as Weiss, she listens to her input and divulges a secret to her, showing that despite having differing opinions they begin to see each other as equals. Yang goes along with Ruby’s plan to hide Salem’s immortality from Ironwood (and even takes it a step further when she reveals Amity to Robyn), but she’s not afraid to tell her she doesn’t feel comfortable with that decision. It’s a step up from what they had before.

In the finale of Volume 7 and the premiere of Volume 8, the bonds between sisters are challenged, and they separate from each other. Winter chooses her loyalty to Ironwood over her trust in Weiss, Yang chooses her conscience over her innate trust in Ruby. Mind, these situations are not completely the same: the split between Ruby and Yang is pragmatic and they still view themselves as united, the split between Weiss and Winter is ideological and they are on different sides of the conflict.

I’ll leave my speculation what will happen to the sisters in the latter half of Volume 8 for the last section.

II.V - Winter & Whitley

A brief aside about Whitley, would be to ask if what I said about Winter’s relationship with Weiss could also apply to Whitley. The answer is of course no, Whitley and Winter clearly have an entirely different relationship here. Frankly, pinpointing its exact nature more precisely is difficult, since the center of the Schnee narrative is Weiss and we have little interactions between the Schnees that don’t involve her. I cannot offer you a definite reason as to why the difference exists, but I have a few guesses.

I’ll assume what we see of Weiss and Whitley in volumes 4 and 7 is similar to what Winter and Whitley had, and take into account Weiss’s statement that Whitley never really liked Winter (or her).  As Willow pointed out to Weiss, Whitley was left alone with Jacques, and began imitating him and emulating his hurtful behavior. Jacques took him under his wing, when Willow was at her worst, Winter away, and Weiss in the process of leaving. Deep down he understands he was being abused by Jacques, but with the cards stacked against him his damaging attitude becomes clearer - and particularly, the likely reasons he resents Winter and Weiss for.

[gif by chittychittyyangyang]

So how come Weiss and Whitley turned out so different, and how does Winter factor into this? For starters, I’ll point out again that Winter’s influence on the Schnee household is very limited, and that humans tend to make mistakes. For her to gloss over Whitley, or to presumably ignore him, could be due to several reasons. Perhaps connecting with someone 10 years your junior was just too difficult. Maybe Jacques intervened more often with Whitley, seeing as he was younger and impressionable.

It’s difficult to tell what exactly happened here between Whitley and Winter, and I don’t think specifying here is helpful. I’ll sum up by saying that however their relationship turned sour, I lean towards the reason being human error rather than malicious intent. Family situations tend to be complicated.

III. Yang & Blake vs. Winter & Penny

Here I want to talk about more subtle parallels between Yang’s journey throughout volumes 1-5 and Winter’s journey in volumes 7-8.5. The major comparison here would be between Yang and Blake’s relationship, and Winter and Penny’s relationship.

Before I begin, I’d like to stress that although Bumbleby is clearly romantic in nature, here I’m more interested in their development separate from the romantic aspects of it. As such, it’s not my intention here to argue in favor of romantic Winter/Penny, though I have nothing against it. I view it more as a platonic relationship with some familial undertones.

I explained in the first section how Yang and Winter keep people at arm’s length, so it’s natural to wonder about the exceptions to that rule, their relationships with Blake and Penny respectively. When they meet their new partners, Yang and Winter seem mostly set in their ways, with no real tangible goal beyond wanting to help others where they can. To them, Blake and Penny are a breath of fresh air, determined and purposeful, and they’re challenged by their perspective.

To me at least, how Yang and Blake interact during Beacon is quite similar to what we see of Winter and Penny’s relationship in volume 7. It starts off as a working relationship, but the continuous presence around each other has lead it into easy affection. It’s a give-and-take of differing personalities finding common ground, though here the more apt analogy would be Yang/Penny and Winter/Blake. They begin feeling safe with one another, opening up and sharing intimate details about themselves, and the other’s opinion and well-being matter to them. They even work well together as fighting partners.

[gif by chittychittyyangyang]

Yang tells Blake about Raven and her complicated family life, partially in an attempt to stop Blake from overworking herself. After Winter’s outburst at Jacques, she shares with Penny her vulnerability regarding her family, and tells her she can’t let her emotions take control of her. Neither Blake nor Penny accept their lessons at face value, and question those beliefs. Was Blake’s determination really like Yang’s quest to find Raven? Are Winter’s emotions truly a hindrance and Penny should follow suit? Still, their disagreements don’t stop them from caring about each other, as we see when Yang hugs Blake and Winter holds Penny’s hands.

Blake is a faunus rights activist who fights for what she believes in, and Yang admires her for it, and is also subtly inspired by her. Penny is dedicated to her role as the Protector of Mantle, and Winter is endeared by her devotion to the cause. In both cases however, this beautiful aspiration is soured by Adam and Ironwood, who use Blake and Penny’s noble efforts for their own gain.

Next both relationships experience a “falling out”. Yang fights to save Blake from Adam at the end of Volume 3, and sacrifices her right arm trying to protect Blake. At the end of Volume 7, Winter and Penny fight Cinder, and Winter sacrifices her body (and purpose as a Winter Maiden) for Penny. We have Yang and Winter, defeated and critically injured, left behind by Blake and Penny, both running away from their controlling abusers Adam and Ironwood.

There’s an interesting tidbit here about their natures as characters, as both “falling outs” hammer on a shared flaw between the couples. Yang and Blake are both afraid of putting their trust in someone else, one is afraid of being deemed unsatisfactory and the other afraid of hurting by association. Winter and Penny are both self-sacrificial, the former thinks her opinion and thoughts are worthless, the latter wishes to put all the weight of the world on her shoulders. The finales and aftermaths of volumes 3 and 7 are a cruel display of these flaws.

Yang and Winter are both injured enough to require a replacement for parts of their bodies, a robotic arm and an exoskeleton. The supplier of both limbs is Ironwood, who projects himself onto both women, “rewarding” them for selfless acts of heroic sacrifice like he sees himself. He saw Yang’s fight the the tournament, criticized her harshly for it, then heard about her noble sacrifice and told her he wishes she’d return fighting soon. He groomed Winter to be his second, scolds her when she disobeys him, and after her injury emphasizes her importance to him. It seems to me that Ironwood attempted to make Yang indebted to himself like he managed with Winter before.

The process of recovery for both women is difficult, and in Winter’s case rushed. On a purely physical level it could be argued they have recovered from their injuries, as both eventually return to the field after their recovery. If we consider their emotional state, things become trickier; though Yang was at first offered a fairly lengthy recovery period on her own terms, in Volume 4 her main motivation to recover is not for herself but for other’s sake - appeasing Tai and worrying for Ruby. Similarly, Winter’s recovery is overshadowed by Ironwood’s orders and the current situation’s time constraints.

This behavior on Yang and Winter’s part is not so strange to me, when I consider Taiyang and Ironwood’s roles in their lives. Because of Taiyang’s issues when she was a child, Yang learnt to put others before herself, particularly when it concerns Ruby and Tai. Yang’s recovery becomes less about herself and more about others after Tai subtly insults her intelligence and her “moping”. I view this as falling back into old habits, Yang learning that if Tai is put through too much then she’s taken too much space (she puts on her arm after overhearing Tai saying he has to stay to take care of her), and must compensate by putting Ruby (and in a sense Tai) first.

[gif by sister-ilia]

After accepting Winter to the army, Ironwood acts as some form of surrogate father to her. Winter looks up to him because he offered her safety from Jacques, and looks for his approval constantly. Look at her reactions when she’s scolded by Ironwood for misbehavior. Ironwood offered her asylum in exchange for subservience. When Winter is in her hospital, he first reminds her how reassuring it is to have her on his side, and then proceeds to kill a councilman for disagreeing with him. It’s an indirect threat against Winter, one carefully cultivated throughout their working relationship in the military.

Regardless, the physical recovery is only part of a larger process Yang and Winter have to go through. Volume 5 made it quite apparent Yang suffers from PTSD and emotional trauma from her fight with Adam, and Blake leaving triggered Yang’s fear of abandonment. She faces Raven for the first time, and is haunted by Blake’s mere mention. She struggles against the past - the parent she wanted to put hope unto - and the future - the hope she has in Blake.

Winter faces similar struggles in the first half of Volume 8 parallel to Yang in Volume 5. She is traumatized by the fight against Cinder, most likely with PTSD as well, and Penny leaving as she did has shook her inner beliefs. For the first time, we see her visibly struggling to adhere to Ironwood’s orders with ease, and she’s deeply concerned for Penny’s well-being. She is torn between her loyalty - to Ironwood, the parent she put her trust in - and her moral compass - to Penny, who challenged her to follow her feelings.

Coincidentally, RWBY chose to portray Yang and Winter’s stress with a shaking fist, where they were injured. Having said that, Winter displays many similar physical ticks like that before her injury, but the deliberate focus on the same tick as Yang is too great for me to ignore.

Both of these struggles are also marked by a decisive choice to take action and be assertive, which is remarkable where these two are concerned. Yang forms the plan to find Ruby via Raven and refuses her offer to join the tribe. Winter forgoes Ironwood’s orders to bring team JYR to custody, and instead relies on them to save Oscar from the Whale.

Yang’s recovery does not in Volume 5 either (nor does it end in Volume 6 for that matter), but at the moment Winter’s parallel arc is unfinished. I’ll speculate about this a bit more in the next section.

IV. Rough Speculation

So when I say rough speculation, I mean it in two different ways. One, is that I’m mostly focused on characters arcs, and they’ll be fairly abstract. Two, is that I’m fairly sure most of these parallels are accidental and not intended, so I don’t hold much hope any of these will come true. Instead, think of these as “if I wanted to make these parallels intentional, how would the story proceed next?”

One parallel I do think is intentional is between the sisters. It is the first time we observe both relationships put into the test, and the outcome of this split will obviously change the sister’s dynamic with each other. How will these two relationships compare to one another by the end of the volume, I do not know, the current arc isn’t finished yet. I can only comment on how I want and hope these relationships will proceed. Currently, I see the physical split between the sisters as an opportunity to reevaluate themselves independently of the other’s influence. And, I think this change will be positive for all of them.

Though it’s obvious Yang’s choice deeply affects Ruby and will contribute to her expected breaking point, I think Ruby will come out stronger at the end of it. Yang’s choice to take charge herself is obviously very important to her growth as a person. Given how RWBY framed their split around a mutual understanding both sisters’ viewpoints are correct, I don’t think their reconciliation will be one-sided - they will come to understand where the other is coming from, and their relationship - and team RWBY - will grow from it.

Despite the difference in circumstances, I think Winter and Weiss will echo this development as well. Jacques may be mostly neutralized, but the Schnee family won’t be miraculously healed because of it. At the moment, Weiss is facing that reality now with Whitley and Willow, and I think her arc this volume will lead her to begin healing her family in earnest. Winter will almost definitely leave Ironwood, and for the first time in her life she’ll be free from someone seeking to control her, free to follow her conscience. It will also give her an opportunity to reconcile with her family without Jacques’s influence, which ties in quite nicely with Weiss’s arc - Weiss pulling her family together, Winter letting herself be pulled to them. Weiss and Winter’s bond will come out stronger, and the Schnees will finally have a chance to heal.

[gif by wnterschnee]

You might’ve noticed I put a lot of emphasis on when and where Winter and Yang make choices for themselves, because I think these moments are vital for them to grow as a person. Starting with Volume 5, there’s a been a slow progression where Yang asserts herself more often, which culminates in her decision in Volume 8 to break away from Ruby with her own objective. Like her, Winter in Volume 7 quite often disagrees with Ironwood’s plans, yet follows them anyway because of her loyalty to him. This loyalty is no longer enough to sway her in Volume 8 when she starts disobeying his orders.

Again, I’m comparing two unfinished arcs, but I’m excited to see where this development will lead us. Having Winter and Yang parallel each other like so would really hammer home how similar these two can be beneath the surface. If at some point it involves more direct contact to drive each other, that’d just be icing on the cake. For now I’ll enjoy that their only personal interaction with each other is Yang telling Winter “[she’s] still just following orders?”, followed by a glare - hopefully this preludes a future conversation between them talking about this exact point.

I’ve already touched upon predictions related to the first two parts of this analysis, what about the third? Here we can go a bit wilder, because we already know what happens to Yang (and Blake) in Volumes 5 and 6. How would I mirror Volumes 5 and 6 with Winter (and Penny)? When I think of Yang’s recovery arc, two major scenes at the ends of Volume 5 and 6 come to mind.

The first is her confrontation with Raven in the Maiden Vault, an incredibly powerful scene where Yang properly confronts Raven and calls out her cowardice. One of the reasons it works so well is how difficult it is to realize Raven’s place in Yang’s life is not clear cut; Yang hates her for abandoning her and shirking her responsibilities as a parent, yet there is still love between them. Raven’s reaction itself is both an admission of care when she concedes to Yang, and also another failure on her part by leaving her off with the responsibility, running away again. In simpler terms, Yang reluctantly confronts someone she cares for deeply, yet isn’t on her side.

Who would be the Raven to Winter in a parallel scenario? One possibility is Ironwood, who holds a similar position to Winter as Raven did to Yang. Ironwood is an almost paternal figure to Winter, but he’s making wrong and dangerous choices, and Winter seems to realize it as well. He used her and exploited her, but also offered her safety and stability. Even after Winter defects, I don’t think Winter will want to fight him physically (if she’s capable), and would probably attempt to sway him with her words. Admittedly I don’t foresee Winter’s attempt at non-aggression to be successful like Yang, so it might come to blows anyway.

A second possibility it to put Penny in Raven’s place. Given that Penny’s also Maiden like Raven, and she’s on her way to the Atlas Vault, there’s some potential thematic parallels. Given their established relationship, I think neither would want to confront each other physically, and would rather talk instead. It’s possible here Winter and Penny will switch metaphorical roles, and it might be Penny that gives Winter the final push towards the heroes sides. It’s also possible, given Penny’s hacked plot line, that Winter will instead have to sway Penny back from whatever the hacking did to her. The last interpretation would also fit in quite well with Winter and Penny’s arc focusing on personal choice and feelings winning over.

The other incredibly important scene in Yang’s arc is the Bumbleby vs. Adam fight. Blake and Yang finally liberate themselves from Adam, Blake’s abuser and Yang’s personal enemy, and they defeat him by working together. Yang is freed of her personal demons, Blake of her literal demons, and in the aftermath of his death they mend their relationship. Their trust in each other won over strength.

[gif by sister-ilia]

If a parallel scene to the Nevermore fight would exist for Winter and Penny, I can think of three characters that could fulfill Adam’s role. Cinder already set her eyes on Penny and is fairly likely to fight her again, and in their previous clash injured Winter. It matches fairly well plot-wise, but I don’t think Cinder is enough of a personal villain to either Penny or Winter to match the same gravitas as Adam. For similar reasons, Watts, Penny’s “puppeteer”, can also fill Adam’s proverbial shoes in this imagined scenario, but I fear he’s too inconsequential overall.

Or, it could be Ironwood in Adam’s place. Ironwood seeks to control Penny (like Adam did with Blake), and acts as Winter’s personal demon (like Adam was to Yang) by continuously conditioning her to repress herself. Like the Nevermore fight, there’s a motive for them to avoid killing him, but given Ironwood’s current state of mind he might push them to that edge in self defense. Even if Ironwood’s defeat would not involve death, it would be a liberate Penny and Winter, freeing them from his control once and for all - but a Pyrrhic victory all the same. I’ll admit, this might be my favorite way to defeat Ironwood.

Coda

I’ll emphasize one last thought regarding these character arcs -  it is my strong belief character progressions, and healing arcs in particular, do not have a clear and set timeline. What I outlined here are not endings, but steps in the way. RWBY seems to agree with my train of thought, and with Yang in particular we see this in her current arc: yes, she has progressed immensely from Volume 3, but the healing process does not simply end, even if it may seem that way on the surface. I approach Winter’s character in the same manner; I have high hopes of her character and as a person, but change is an ongoing process, and I’ll treat it as such.

Thanks for reading my analysis! I know it’s a bit long and messy, I’ve had to skim through some ideas that could be expanded upon, so send an ask my way if you’d like me to elaborate on anything.

Other interesting reads:

Kali-tmblr’s essay regarding siblings relationships.

Tumblingxelian’s review of Yang’s Volume 4 arc.

Petracore’s review of Winter’s Volume 7 arc.

Theseerasures’s comparison of Winter and Yang.

Schneefamilyincorrectquotes talking about Schneeblings.

[sparrowshrike]

Transformers: The Ties That Bind: Family Matters

Ties that bind by @artsy-hobbitses @tiesthatbind-tf​

808 hours, Glit's Infirmary, four years after the great war

Simon opened his eyes to see a bright light blaring down at his face, he tried to raise his right hand to block out the light, but it was stuck on something. Simon looked over to see what his hand was stuck in. Naomi’s hand, Their fingers were interlocked.  Simon remembered how they got here, Simon fought Nightbird as Soundblaster when she was controlled by M.E.C.H., after bringing her back to her senses, they swore to take it down toghether. They had to fight the other “Extra-liers” that M.E.C.H. had made(Extraliers are outliers that have been tortured and enhanced until their bodies make a second power, both Simon and Naomi are Extraliers), Goldbug, Armorhide, and a clone of Simon called Echoblast. Then they had to face Silas, the man behind MECH, in a mech suit with a giant hammer and a shoulder cannon. Silas had a lot to share while he fought them, Like the fact that Simon was a cold construct of Suraya Widodo and Dylan Proteus. And that Naomi was no longer biologically herself, her DNA was Altered, Destroyed, and Replaced with the DNA to best counter Soundblaster’s. For Simon’s Soundwave side, who better than one of the best female fighters on the autobots, Wariko Baisho, Windblade. And for the father’s side why not the man who successfully Murdered him, Stefan Scavarro, Starscream. These revelations were meant to cause the Duo to falter, so that either Silas could kill them or reclaim his “best soldiers”. What Silas didn’t realize is that the two were aiming to imprison Silas, not kill. So he shook them alright, but they didn’t falter, they started aiming to kill. Soundblaster dealt the death blow, with his sword and Echoblast’s. Silas said he was proud of him, and then set the place to self destruct. Nightbird and Soundblaster were to weak to leave before the countdown reached zero. So they limped to the courtyard, where they first met and sat against the wall where they first talked. they Interlocked their hands, Nightbird rested her head on Soundblaster’s chest, and he rested to his head on hers, as they listened to the timer tick down.

Simon was brought back to the present by hearing the familiar tapping of cane.

‘Suraya?’

“Simon!” Suraya practically yelled, then rushed to see him. The blind NB-woman was like a mother to Simon, even before he knew. They sat in the chair next to his bed

Simon tried to speak before he realized he wasn’t wearing his voice box. ‘Hey, Suraya, I’m okay, But... I have something to tell you.’ Simon had a bit of hesitation on that last part, how could he tell them that?

His thoughts were interrupted when Naomi woke up.

‘Good Morning, Beautiful’ Simon thought, he smirked, until Suraya snorted ‘Suraya! out of my head!’

“Good morning to you too, handsome” Naomi said right before opening her eyes and noticing two things, Suraya was in the room, and Simon wasn’t wearing a vocal apparatus. “Um, Hi, Mx. Widodo, um, did you do that?”

Suraya gave a concerned “No” then Go-eun entered the room.

“Ah, I see you two are awake, Suraya, if you could give us the room?”

“Yes, I understand, call me when your done”

The pair finally looked at their interlocked robotic hands and then looked to each other, and then finally at Go-eun .

“Rumble and Frenzy found you under the rubble and dirt, Ravage and I helped dig you out. You two wouldn’t let go of each other, Ultimately it was Lara that convinced me to keep you two toghether.” Go-eun explained “Your gear is with Shockwave, currently under repairs, and modification. I presume that you’ll be keeping that second blade we found you with.”

Simon Nodded, that blade was a red energon version of his, which made it’s parry’s explosive.

“Either way, you two are free to go, but I expect you two have some things to... say” Go-eun looked at Simon “Right.” She grabbed a mask from her bag “Been carrying this since you arrived.”

Simon placed it on his face, hearing the click-whirr of it locking on. “Thanks Glit, how long have we been out?”

“A month.”

“Jeez, How bad were we?” Naomi asked

“Pretty banged up, Simon’s lucky to still have his legs”

“Good to know...” Simon said “But getting back to the whole lending an ear, um... how do we say his...”

Simon told Glit everything, In Korean, just in case, Suraya or the rest of the family was nearby.

“Well,” Glit paused, Her brain needing to reset, before she could fully understand it all “That certainly is a conundrum, I mean Suraya can probably handle it, but I’m not so sure about Stefan or Wariko, especially with Stefan’s issues and the Fatherly resemblance, that now I know, is most certainly there.”

“Whose fatherly resemblance?” Simon asked, wondering how worried he should be about Stefan being triggered by him.

“Um, Both, So... you both better avoid Stefan for the time being.” Glit said “I don’t want to see you back here, unless it’s a social call.”

Suraya, Lara, and Ramiro were waiting for them outside, they were their ride home. When they got inside, Simon asked to speak with Suraya privately.

“Alright what did you want to talk about?” Suraya asked, feeling uneasy at the tone Simon used when asking her, He was scared.

‘I’m not sure I should, I learned something at the facility, about myself, about who my parents are.’

“Oh, that’s great news, Simon!”

‘Glad you think so... Mom.’ Simon winced when he thought that.

“I’m your- you were made from-?”

‘It’s a lot, I know, I’m sorry, I should have jus-’

“No, No, it wouldn’t have been healthy. I understand, and I guess, I’m relieved, My Son” Suraya said 

‘But Suraya, Should we tell the others? Naomi and Glit are the only others who know.’

“I see no reason to hide it, you are My Son, and I’m your Bibi” Suraya smiled

‘Okay Bibi’

This was extremely fun to write, but it’s way longer then I thought it was going to be, so I’ll have to save the Windscream stuff for next time.

TTB Naomi/Nightbird:

Echoblast:

(Echoblast is basically Nemesis Soundblaster, while Silas’s mech was basically a less humanoid TFP Breakdown)

[writeyouin]

Whirl X Reader – My Human - (COMMISSION)

Commission Request – IDW Whirl X Reader. A relationship that turns from Rocky to Love based off the Human Crewmate story. And some smut at the end please.

Word Count – 1884

A/N – Hey, @cyansadgirl​ I hope this is exactly what you’re looking for. Thank you so much for commissioning me. Happy holidays.

RATING – M

WARNINGS – NSFW/SMUT

You stood patiently outside Whirl’s hab-suite, playing a game on your communicator whilst ignoring the crashes and roars from inside. Ultra Magnus had just informed Whirl that you were to be his new roommate, and Whirl was not taking it well.

It had actually been Rung’s idea, and he had held a meeting with you, requesting that you be Whirl’s first room-mate aboard the Lost Light. You, as the only human, would benefit from the company, and Whirl in turn would hopefully learn to control his temper with someone so delicate living with him.

Nobody really knew if it was a good idea but you had agreed all the same and now all that was left to do was wait until Whirl had calmed down long enough for you to move in. Finally, Ultra Magnus stepped out, looking as grim as ever. He gave you a curt nod and left without another word, hoping that he wouldn’t have to come and correct Whirl’s behaviour again later.

Picking up your bag with the very few possessions you had, you headed into Whirl’s room, noticing that the area that you were supposed to inhabit had been thoroughly destroyed.

Whirl glared at you, “DON’T THINK YOU’RE STAYING HERE FLESH-BAG. ALL YOUR KIND ARE FRAGGERS.”

“I’m sorry you feel that way,” You sympathised. “I hope you’ll find that I’m not like that.”

You walked to your destroyed corner, fishing out a torn blanket and a pillow that had somehow survived.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING? GET OUT OR I’LL THROW YOU OUT. YOU THINK YOU CAN STAND UP TO WHIRL? I’M THE TOUGHEST BOT ON THIS FLYING SCRAP-HEAP. I’LL KILL YOU.”

“Yes, I have no doubt to your strength,” You replied calmly, trying to hide your fear at his words; Rung wouldn’t have suggested this if he thought you would get hurt. “But I was thinking maybe you could give me a chance?”

Whirl narrowed his optic, glaring as you pulled the destroyed furniture towards the door, never once asking for help. He considered throwing you out, but Ultra Magnus had already given you the lock-code, so there would be little point unless he barricaded the door.

“Hah, good luck recharging,” Whirl spat spitefully. “I wrecked that stupid bed of yours.”

“I’ll manage fine with what I’ve got.”

Whirl wondered why you were even bothering. It was already clear that he was going to make your life hell but there you were, stubborn as ever. Well then, he would make a delightful little game of it; if he was going to torture you, he might as well enjoy it.

Whirl glowered on his side of the room. He shouldn’t have to be stuck with you, it was all Ring’s fault for even suggesting you move in with him, and those two dumb captains who were clearly too weak to say no to the eyebrowed freak.

No matter how much Whirl destroyed your stuff or how many insults he threw at you, nothing would get rid of you. You always reacted the same way, with a comment on how you hoped things would change and with that loathsome sympathetic smile that made his spark flutter; HE DIDN’T WANT YOUR SYMPATHY, DAMN IT!

Well, he could outlast you no problem, and he would make sure that he was victorious. Whirl looked for every opportunity to break you mentally, knowing that it would be far too easy to damage you physically; he told himself that there would be no challenge in that and that it wouldn’t do him any good anyway. How could he gloat if you were dead?

It was on a day when you were high up on a custom-made window seat that Whirl finally went too far. He’d had an extremely bad day with some arrogant fragger in “Visage’s” and worst of all, he’d had his aft handed to him in front of everybody. It was rare that Whirl was beat in combat, but he had been a little too overcharged to fight off that other mech, and then he had to return to his hab-suite with a bruised ego. Sure enough, you were there, gazing out at the stars and distant planets with a drink in hand; why did you always have to be there?

“Get the frag outta here,” Whirl slurred angrily.

“Whirl,” You gazed at him with sad eyes, “Did something happen? You look ups-”

You gasped as Whirl punched your window seat. He’d only meant to shake you up, or make you trip over. He’d never intended to hurt you, yet as you fell, you instinctively pushed out your hands to protect yourself and instead, your hand crushed your glass. You cried out in pain, glass embedded in your hand.

“Oh frag!” Whirl exclaimed, “WHAT DO I DO?”

He wanted to grab you and rush to med-bay, but he was afraid of hurting you further, so he called First-Aid to come to him instead. Whirl waited outside while you received stitches on your hand. He felt sick, and the common feeling of self-loathing began to consume him, as it usually did when he had regrets. Why was he such a piece of scrap? You hadn’t done anything to hurt him, not that you could. You were actually the nicest person he’d ever met. Why did he always have to destroy everything good in his life? It wasn’t your fault that you were roommates, it was Reng’s and yet there you were, paying the price. Whirl sat down on the floor, pulled his legs into his arms, and waited for the inevitable moment where you would move out and leave him alone once again.

Much to Whirl’s surprise, you didn’t hate him for the pain he’d caused you. In fact, your first concern was to ask him if he was okay. Whirl scoffed and told you not to be so stupid, but he lacked his usual bite. All he wanted to do was make things right, and since you had evidently decided to stay, he supposed he would get that chance.

His optic lingered on your bandaged hand as he made a gruff apology, unable to meet your eyes. Once you accepted his apology, Whirl felt a weight lift off his chassis. He knew he wasn’t out of the woods yet, but he would do everything he could to make it up to you.

From that day on, Whirl made a constant effort to talk to you, even in public, though he acted much tougher when there were others around, only dropping his guard when you were alone. He answered your questions about his life, even when the truth hurt, and slowly but surely, he found himself lowering his defences.

Most of the time, Whirl found that he had come to enjoy your company. He taught you all he knew about making clocks, even though you were completely awful at it. Whirl was glad that he didn’t have a mouth you could see him smiling with; it was just too damn funny when you got your tiny hands stuck in the springs.

It was one night while you were asleep, and Whirl wide awake that he looked over at you, his spark racing. True, you were no Cybertronian but maybe that was a good thing. After all, look at the damage that Cybertronians had knowingly caused, not only against each-other, but towards other innocent planets too. You would never hurt anyone. You were far too kind to. You were sweet, patient, sympathetic, sensitive, and Whirl was in love with you.

His claw rested despondently against his helm. The simple fact of the matter was that Whirl wasn’t good enough for you. He had already hurt you once. What was to stop him from doing so again? Was it selfish to keep you in his life whilst harbouring such feelings? He didn’t believe so; however self-destructive it would be to him, it wouldn’t affect you, so long as he never told you how he felt.

So, Whirl suffered in silence, his spark aching for what he couldn’t have, until the fateful day that you confessed your own blossoming feelings to him.

Whirl couldn’t believe his audials. He stared at you in a stunned silence, struggling to find his voice.

“You… what?” He choked out.

“I love you,” You said calmly, saddened by the knowledge that he probably didn’t feel the same; interspecies love was usually one-sided.

“You- No. Uh-uh. That’s scrap,” he shook his head disbelievingly.

“I know… You don’t have to feel the same back. I just thought it was better to tell you, in case things changed between us. You… You don’t have to keep me as your roommate if you don’t want to. I’ll understand if-”

“NO! YOU DON’T GET IT. I’M WHIRL. I WAS A WRECKER. I WAS NEVER MADE TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP. IF YOU’VE EVER THOUGHT OF ME THAT WAY, THEN YOU’RE EVEN MORE DYSFUNCTIONAL THAN I AM. WHAT THE FRAG IS WRONG WITH YOU THAT YOU WOULD EVEN CONSIDER A MONSTER LIKE ME?”

Whirl abruptly ended his rant at the sight of tears in your eyes; once again, without even trying to, he had hurt you.

“I’m sorry I upset you,” You apologised, leaving Whirl feeling worse than ever when he felt that it should have been him saying sorry.

“I LIKE YOU TOO,” Whirl exploded, lacking eloquence as usual. “I’m no good at this stuff but… we could try talking about this, I guess.”

You cried out Whirl’s name, panting heavily as he thrust into you, working off months of pent up sexual frustration.

For once, Whirl was eerily quiet, his processor overloaded by how tiny, soft, and different you were. He had planned to be gentle with you but seeing you naked beneath him with your cheeks flushed and your head lolling proved to be too much for him. Every time you called out his name, he was reminded just how lucky he was; he couldn’t remember ever being loved, and yet here you were proving that he was worth your affections.

His spike pushed between the wetness of your legs, repeatedly hitting your G-Spot, edging you ever closer to your climax. Your every nerve seemed to tingle, alight with passion. All too soon, you felt yourself clamping around Whirl’s spike.

“Oh God- God- It’s- AH~” You keened as Whirl continued through your climax, completely aroused by your orgasm.

After four more orgasms on your behalf, Whirl finally felt the onset of his own.

“(Y/N), THIS- IS FOR YOU!” He cried out through the static in his vocaliser.

His overload finally hit, filling you up with his transfluid that dripped down your soaked pussy.

Once the two of you had come down from your highs, Whirl swaddled you in a blanket, hooking his arm around you and clutching you into his side.

“This is nice,” You yawned, snuggling into his heat.

“Yeah,” Whirl agreed, having never felt something so intimate. “It really is.”

With that, you both fell into a peaceful silence, safe in each other’s embrace. As you drifted off to sleep, Whirl wondered if he was right to have hopes of a successful relationship. He knew he would talk to Cyclonus about it as soon as he could, but that was a problem for later.

Like my work? Buy me a coffee and earn preview of the next fic, or commission me on the commissions page.

[eldritchlittleblackdragon]

Joey Andrews

~Protagonist of “The Devil You Know/The Devil You Don’t”~

One of three human exchange students brought to the Devildom to attend the Royal Academy of Diavolo (RAD) for one human world year, and one of two put under the care of Lucifer and assigned to live in the House of Lamentation. Lucifer, in turn, appointed one of his brothers to each of them as a guardian. While the other exchange student, Katherine Barker, was appointed Mammon as her guardian, Satan was chosen was chosen to protect Joey. 

Her story diverges from canon, as she does not form pacts with all of the brothers. Nor is she at all related to Lilith. Instead, unbeknownst to her in the beginning, she is a human who long ago was cursed to reincarnate, forgetting what lives she’d lived before whenever she is reborn (unless strong emotional connections to her past bring those memories back to the surface). 

Below the Cut Contains Some Minor Fic Spoilers (if Minor Spoilers or Spoilers in general Don’t Bother you However, Read on!):

And why was she cursed?

Because the arcangel Lucifer fell in love with her. 

She comes to RAD against her will, determined to find a way to see that she and her fellow human are freed and sent home, or at least survive the year they are meant to stay. But she begins having visions of different times and places, through the eyes of others who once lived (not knowing all of these others were in fact her past lives). In addition, a birthmark on her back begins to change shape and begins to resemble the crest of Pride. 

The pactmark of Lucifer. 

She begins to search for the meaning of these visions and this mark, while Katherine Barker pursues the mystery of what lies in the House of Lamentation’s attic. The two mysteries may yet somehow be intertwined. 

All the while, she is unaware that Lucifer, now the right hand of the Demon Prince and a demon as well, knows very well who she is. And though he longs to have her by his side again, he struggles with events in their more recent past that he believes have proved him unworthy of her, that he is the cause of her suffering. And so he tries to keep his distance from her and pretend she is a stranger.

But how long can he do so?  How long can he pretend she isn’t the human he loved above all, that he trusted enough to forge a pact with? The mother of his son?

-

Joey is a very logical person and a deep thinker, perhaps even sometimes thinking about matters a bit too deeply and causing herself undue stress as a result. But, at her most basic, she is a very kind, trusting and idealistic person as well. Her experiences in life has tempered this side of her somewhat and made her more wary of completely putting her trust in others, but has been able to retain the light of optimism to not wall herself off from others completely. She has a tendency to be extremely anxious/insecure and perfectionistic, and has a streak of self-sacrificing/self-destructiveness. 

Joey enjoys playing videos games, listening to and composing music, telling stories, and cooking. She is also fascinated by scientific pursuits, particularly related to microbiology, biochemistry, and astronomy (basically if you get to observe it through a microscope or a telescope she’s into it). 

~Quick Facts~

Age: Late 20′s/Early 30′s 

Gender: Cis Female (She/Her Pronouns)

Race: Human

Neurotype: Autistic

Sexuality: Biromantic Demisexual

Height: 5′1″ (~155 cm)

Hair Color: Light Brown

Eye Color: Hazel

Nationality: United States (Midwest)

Sin Affinity: Envy, Pride

[fleouriarts]

fuck it. comatelma basics post

i have been too embarrassed and scared to post about julian's (and several other characters i just love drawing julian) story and world for fear of it being bad or cringe but liiiiiiiiike whatever whatever. this used to be smth i would keep offline because WHAT IF I FINALLY MAKE A COMIC OUT OF THIS but its probably not gonna happen unless i suddenly become very very patient with art so. i have laid out the entire story bc i love talking about them at different points of it. without further ado

setup

since its inception, the world has been governed by two forces of ‘good’ and ‘evil’, balancing each other out by being in constant conflict. after human civilization begins, the two forces spit out ayechika (‘good’) and impateki (‘evil’) as conscious manifestations of themselves, with no guidance aside from what they’re meant to represent (which they almost immediately disobey). ayechika decides to explore the world, and finds that the people of earth believe blindly in gods that she knows do not exist. wanting to satisfy their needs, ayechika creates her own utopia, and her own gods to govern and protect it. the first god, samjulang, is the god of war, and means to protect the utopia from any potential threats. however, self-defense quickly turns into actively wiping out and pillaging any cities in the area, which impateki sees as destructive and wants to put an end to. he recruits wiltkewan, the goddess of agriculture, for this purpose, and the two kill ayechika, destroying the utopia. every god but wiltkewan is put into eternal sleep afterwards.

deities like ayechika and impateki do not stay dead forever, though, and while she was dead, the force of ‘good’ still did its work. after coming back to life, ayechika decides to lay low, conserving energy until she can attempt to create another utopia. in 2020, she returns to earth with enough power to do so, and impateki fights back immediately. this snowballs into an apocalyptic war on earth. ayechika wins, but presuming that no one could live on the ruined earth now, she raises chunks of land into the sky, where she puts almost the entire population into an eternal sleep. her idea is that even though earth is 'unsalvageable', people can still enjoy life in their dreams, even if it's not real. people who fought with her in the war, aka her 'angels', are the only people she knows are awake, and are tasked with maintaining the coma chambers where everyone sleeps.

however, the surface of earth was not completely uninhabited at the end of the war. after 250 years, the world and its people have adapted to a tough way of life, where much of the land is flooded, broken, or infected with godblood that makes it uninhabitable. it’s also been so long that most surface-dwellers know nothing about the coma chambers, with only those interested in history remembering that they exist. the story starts when yerin, the village 'crazy lady', learns that her family was split between surface and sky at the end of the war, and one of her predecessors is sleeping up in the coma chambers. souping up an old war machine, she flies up to rescue him.

characters

KIM DAEWON: a high school senior whose life was interrupted by the war. 250 years after being put in the coma, he is awakened by yerin, who tells him that they're related, and about what he missed while he was asleep. his arc is a general coming-of-age arc, as well as finding a way to live in the new world despite how much he misses his old life.

JULIAN MOROZOV: a former ‘angel’ who was extremely bored with his life in the coma chambers. when yerin breaks in, he puts her in a chokehold, demanding that she take him down to earth. she obliges, in exchange for his help to free daewon. his arc is about coming out of his emotional shell as he finally gets to live his best life on earth.

SAMJULANG: the former god of war, from ayechika’s first attempt at creating utopia, as well as ayechika’s son. for most of his reign, he actually hated fighting, but his ‘purpose’ and his need to keep the love of his mother kept him on the battlefield. after being defeated by wiltkewan, he was put into eternal sleep, only to be woken up millennia later by daewon and julian. his arc is about finally finding his own identity, separate from the purpose he was made for.

WILTKEWAN: the former god of agriculture, from ayechika’s first attempt at creating utopia, as well as impateki’s surrogate daughter. after defeating ayechika, she stays by impateki’s side, fighting alongside him in the war and subsequently trying to speed up his return after he’s killed. she is brought into the new conflict between yerin and ayechika when daewon, julian, and samjulang crash-land on her island. her arc is about learning how to be 'human' in the sense of being vulnerable and illogical sometimes, letting emotions guide her, since shes never had the experience of being anything but a fully-grown working god.

KIM YERIN: a revolutionary old lady from the surface of earth. she believes that the coma everyone’s in is useless and a cowardly way to deal with the end of the world, as well as believing that killing ayechika could possibly make earth habitable again. her rescuing daewon is what kicks off the story, and her dedication to defeating ayechika is what drives the rest of it. her arc is mostly about slowing down and putting a cap on her own ambitions once in a while.

FRANCIS SANDOVAL: an archaeologist from the surface of earth, and yerin’s only friend at the start of the story. he goes along with yerin’s plots because she’s the only other person who sees the value in learning about the old world, though he doesn't always agree with her dangerous stunts. once daewon comes to the surface, they bond over a shared love of history.

AYECHIKA: the conscious manifestation of ‘good’. she is very attached to her purpose of keeping people happy, and cannot handle the idea that she may not be doing the right thing.

IMPATEKI: the conscious manifestation of ‘evil’. unlike ayechika, impateki is barely attached to this purpose in life, and after returning from the dead, is more dead set on fixing his mistakes than causing any more harm to earth.

random worldbuilding stuff you need to know to understand the plot skeleton

‘godblood’ is exactly what it sounds like; it’s the blood of ayechika and impateki respectively. its most important quality is that it can ‘infect’ living things; impateki’s blood usually drains things of life while ayechika’s blood usually makes things alive to a dangerous degree. another important thing is that things infected with godblood are only able to be killed by their opposite. for example, one could only kill something infected with impateki’s blood if they had a weapon made from something infected by ayechika’s blood, and vice versa. because godblood infects and corrupts living things, it makes land unsuitable for any sort of life, and its slow corruption of land is something yerin is determined to stop.

the war also had a bunch of unintended geothermal and geological effects. earth’s ground became unstable, and ayechika raising chunks of land into the sky led to a bunch of it fracturing, with pieces falling into the ocean quite regularly. dramatic earthquakes and landslides have made places that used to barely be above sea level rise dramatically in altitude, while previously tall mountains now just barely peek out over the sea. shit got fucked up is what i'm trying to say

plot skeleton (divided into seasons)

SEASON ONE: mostly worldbuilding. yerin brings daewon and julian down to earth, using them as proof that the coma chambers exist and that the godblood that infects parts of their world can be eliminated. she starts networking to build up her cause, while daewon, julian, and francis travel to find samjulang, who they believe could help them win. the season ends with them finding him in one of the coma chambers, with one downside: ayechika now knows they exist.

SEASON TWO: mostly about character development and interactions, the season starts with daewon, julian, and samjulang meeting wiltkewan. samjulang and wiltkewan have bad blood between them, but no time to fight before impateki is finally brought back to life. impateki reluctantly agrees to help them in their fight against ayechika, and after sending them back home, the four basically just have a bunch of time to get used to each other and interact and stuff (julian and samjulang in particular get into homosexuals with each other). this is also when ayechika finally starts attacking them, but their old war weapons are stronger than expected. the season ends with ayechika sending a spy down to earth named ramiel, whose actions lead to yerin getting her arm blown off and samjulang being taken back to ayechika.

SEASON THREE: more character development! woo! this season mostly examines what happens when you get these characters to bond with each other and then force them to be apart. daewon is freaked out about their big defeat, julian is not taking samjulang’s kidnapping very well, samjulang is struggling to face his mother and his past, wiltkewan is struggling HARD with trying to manage things in yerin's place, and yerin finally has to slow down for a second as she recovers from her injuries. no one is having a good time. i kinda still have to figure out the meat of this season, but it ends with ayechika putting samjulang back into a coma to keep him ‘happy’ while she uses his body to fight against julian and the others. while he was eager to be in a dream state before, this time he breaks out through sheer will, knowing that eternal happiness isn’t worth it if it’s not real AND if he’s hurting people to obtain it. he finally tells off ayechika for the things she’s done to him, leaving her in complete shock as he reunites with julian.

SEASON FOUR: everything comes to a head in this season. ayechika basically shatters internally after her last interaction with samjulang, appalled that her own son would reject eternal happiness with her for some random humans on a ruined earth. things are all set up to invade the coma chambers, but ayechika lets everyone go by herself, surprising the people on the surface. they go up to confront her and find her barely hanging on to herself, finally crushed by the expectations of being a fully ‘good’ person. unwilling to kill her, impateki finds a way to instead turn her and him into humans, while also getting rid of the godblood infecting earth. now free from her purpose, ayechika tries to reconnect with samjulang, but he can’t really forgive her. society starts to rebuild on a greater scale while ayechika tries to find her true identity the same way samjulang did.

overall the story is mostly about two thematic conflicts: having a life of ups and downs vs. being constantly happy (embodied by real life vs the dreams people have in ayechika’s eternal sleep), and determining your own identity/destiny vs. being given one (embodied in how humans are free to be whatever vs. samjulang and ayechika feeling chained to the purpose they were made to fulfill)

gallery (didn’t put this in the characters spot bc i didn't want the pictures to take up so much space >___< also so many of these designs are outdated lol sorry)

daewon:

julian:

samjulang (rip to my boy i don't have a recent colored pic of him):

wiltkewan:

yerin:

francis:

ayechika:

impateki: