#uofc | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

love-quinn · 9 months ago

Text

— PARTIAL CREDIT

summary — when a new member of the waitstaff starts undermining you, you worry that your job might be in jeapordy. carmen knows you better than you think.

warnings — swearing, i think that's it

pairing — carmen berzatto x fem!waitress reader, semi (?) established relationship

pronouns — she/her

word count — 2.2k

note — i know i fully dropped off the face of the earth but unfortunately i was too busy channeling waitress reader a little too hard, i actually have to leave for work in a few hours but i really wanted to get something out. this 100% isn't inspired by true events or me projecting in any way, anyway i hope you enjoy!! <3

Being the only waitress at a successful restaurant is hard. During the dinner rush, between wiping tables, grabbing drinks and running food, you’ve slowly learned to be more adaptable to the Bear’s new clientele base. That’s not without its struggles, of course.

Fortunately, Carmy and Natalie seem to understand that it’s a major handful to simply do your job. Which is why Richie thought it appropriate to call you in two hours early to meet the new waiter.

Liam’s nice from what you’ve gathered. He’s been working with you at the Bear for about two months at this point, most of that has involved you and Richie training him, and he’s been very receptive to your instruction.

Sure, sometimes he mutters under his breath when a customer asks him for something, but hey, they’re annoying sometimes. And sure, sometimes you find him in the walk-in on his phone, but you’d be lying if you said you were never on your phone at work. He’s had no complaints, and the work is always done to a standard that’s expected (he is still in training, you’re not delusional).

You’ve worked at the Bear since they were still the Beef, right after Carmen took over. He realised Richie couldn’t keep up with the stuff at the front by himself, so he’d gone with the cheapest option available and thanked god every day that you weren’t awful at your job. You had just graduated from UofC and if you didn’t get a job when you had, you would have been pretty much out of options. You had no work experience outside of being a TA in college (which apparently didn’t have a lot of transferable skills, according to most of your potential bosses). You hadn’t been able to score an insane internship, you didn’t make super stellar grades, you’d been too busy being desperately poor and struggling to keep up.

You’d been really lucky that Carmen had taken a chance on you when he had, and you had been desperate to show him you were aware of that. Liam didn’t seem to have the same sentiment.

He was the same age as you, and he’d actually gone to UofC as well. He’d gotten a pre-med degree but wanted to take some time off before he went for his MD at Rosalind Franklin.

He picked up on the work fairly easily, remembered when you showed him where the cleaning supplies were, showed him how to work the buttons on the till to ring in orders, and introduced him to all the staff. They were nice to him, nice enough. It took them a while to warm up to him, just like it took them a second to warm up to Carmen, to Sydney, to you.

But now, several months in, they all got along enough that work was going well. You didn’t have to work six days a week if you didn’t want to now that Liam was there to lighten the load (you did, you made sure Natalie knew that). Now, you could actually take your lunch break without worrying they were being completely overrun.

On the whole, things seemed to really improve.

Until, of course, they didn’t.

You started hearing whispers, soft remarks of “Oh, I did that for her,” to Richie about greeting table seventeen. Small “I wonder why that wasn’t done, I’ll just do it quickly.”

“Not to be that person, but I noticed that a lot of the straws haven’t been stocked up. I feel like I have to do it every time. I just wonder what she’s doing when she’s back here…”

You do your best to not let it get to you. He’s never worked in the service industry before, he’s probably just doing his best to make sure that his efforts are being noticed. You were almost lucky, in that way, that you were the only real waitress they’d hired.

It’s an unusually warm day as you slide in through the back entrance to work. You’re your usual twenty minutes early, lucky that there’s enough work to do that Carmen often encourages punctuality (and thus, fairly compensates for it).

Liam is scheduled today, but he’s leaving after the lunch shift. You get your break while the kitchen does prep-work for dinner, and then you’re coming back for dinner as well.

Marcus is in his corner, kneading bread dough with a concentrated look on his face. You brush past him with an airy hello that he returns with a half-hearted wave, not looking up from his task.

Tina is on vegetables, and she stops you for a moment to ask about a shipment arriving. You assure her that you’ll check when you get to the other side of the kitchen, making your way to the front.

The chairs are already all down, table cloths clean and freshly washed. Sydney went down to the laundromat to get them all clean that morning; she’d texted you and asked if you wanted to come but you told her that you really, really didn’t.

Your first job is a pre-opening sweep, then a restock, then a menu review. You have 87 minutes until service, and Liam should be here in the next fifteen minutes or so. You have just enough time to go and bug Richie into showing you more pictures of Eva’s last birthday party.

You stick your head into the office just in time to catch the tail end of a sentence that you definitely weren’t meant to hear; “...doesn’t even stack the chairs? What is she doing here?”

Your work anxieties - the idea that every time something goes wrong it was your fault, that one missed drink or late appetiser would have you fired, that every time a customer berated you it was actually your fault - had definitely eased some in the six months you’d been working there. You’d stopped thinking that every time someone was complaining it was about you, but that meant that when they really were talking about you, you knew.

Liam’s standing there, leaning up against a pile of papers that Carmen is staring roughly at. He looks tired - when doesn’t he? - and like he doesn’t really want to hear whatever it was that Liam was saying.

“A lot more than you do,” Carmen grumbles. He runs a hand over his face from the bottom up, coming to a rest when it’s gripping onto his curls.

“I’m always covering her sections,” Liam groans. “The amount of time that Rich’s given me her table’s drinks, it’s insane. We should start pooling our tips.”

Carmen wants to say a lot back to that. That his name is Richie, and calling him Rich doesn’t make him any more like the finance frat bros that Liam is so desperate to associate with. That tip pooling would be insanely unfair to you considering Carmy’s pretty sure Liam’s made less than what you make in a day. That he stacks the chairs because he likes to, and you know that.

Instead, he settles on “you’re always covering her sections because she’s always covering up for you when you screw up.”

Liam looks like he’s unsure whether or not to go ghostly pale or beet red at the statement. “Wh- has my performance not been up to scratch, sir?”

Carmen stands. “I didn’t really notice it, at first, cause everything was going so well. She’d never tell on you, she knows what it’s like to struggle at a job.” He looks disdainfully down at Liam’s too-new dress shoes. Professional but impractical as a waiter. From what Carmen’s noticed, this is the second pair he’s ruined. “She’d never tell me that your silverware is never rolled, so she’s been staying late and rolling every single one of them. She’d never tell me that your tables are never cleared away. She’d never tell me that you had six meals comped in your first month because you couldn’t be fucked writing shit down.

So yeah, maybe you get her tables a refill when she’s too busy telling one of us one of your guests was coeliac because you forgot to, but that does not give you the right to look down your entitled fucking nose at her.” Carmen gets close, not close enough to the point where it could be uncomfortable, but much closer than he’d ever get to Liam if he could help it.

“You don’t like picking up her slack? That’s fine, that’s fucking fine, because to be honest, it seems like you’re creating more work for her anyway. You’re done.”

He looks pointedly towards the door to the small office.

Liam knows exactly what Carmy’s telling him. “Sir, I-”

Carmen raises a finger and points. “You’re fucking done.”

Liam scampers away so quickly he doesn’t even see you eavesdropping.

Carmy knows, though. He seems to have a sixth sense for when you walk into a room. If you’re not planning on coming in to confront him about firing Liam then he has no intention of bringing it up with you. He sits down, putting his forehead on his fist. “Sir.”

You’re standing right in the door, it’s practically impossible for Carmen not to notice you. But he pretends, allowing you the chance to slip away and act like you hadn’t just witnessed him firing Liam for being slightly mean to you.

He opens his eyes to see you standing there still.

“You didn’t have to do that,” your voice is soft. The collar of your shirt is tucked underneath on one side, and Carmen has to resist the urge to reach up and smooth it out. He’s not quite sure why and he doesn’t feel like unpacking it. “He’s still learning, I don’t mind helping him out.”

Carmen doesn’t mince his words. “He’s a dick, don’t defend him.”

He swivels away from his desk and gestures for you to sit. After a second of hesitation, you perch yourself on top of the small surface. You’re not sure who moves first, Carmen to reach up and take your hands or you to reach down to let him. Neither of you have ever spoken about it, like a lot of things. How he always makes sure you get extra food and you make sure Carmen isn’t bothered while he sets up the dining room.

You hadn’t realised how much Liam had been heightening your anxiety while he was there. “He’s not allowed to do that to you.” Carmy sounds genuinely pissed. “You do fucking everything out there, he’s not allowed to come in and treat you like some sanctimonious fuck. You… you should’ve come to talk to me about it.” He gives in. “You could’ve.”

“I didn’t want to be a problem.” You admit quietly. “You have enough without me.”

Plenty goes unsaid between you and Carmen. You don’t talk when he drives you home in the dark, in the snow. But he’d be naive to believe that the same rules applied to everyone else. The kitchen staff talks, none more than Richie. Carmy is surprised he hadn’t decked that pre-med asshole already.

“You’re not a problem, honey,” he says gruffly. You stay silent for a moment before realising that’s probably all you’re going to get out of him.

“I need to go prep dining for service,” you say after a moment, not wanting to speak too loudly.

Camry’s grip on your hand tightens and for a brief second he feels panic set in. You clearly are feeling okay, so it’s not that he needs to check on you. You’re well ahead of schedule. There’s no reason for Carmen to keep his hand enclosed around yours. And yet he does. And yet you let him.

“Liam was just in here bragging about how dining room prep was already done,” he says after a short while. “You’re well ahead of time.”

“He is,” you point out airily. “I’d never want to take credit for his work.”

Carmen squeezes your hands once, eyes crinkling at the sides. You both know you need to go over everything Liam did in an attempt to make himself look better, not one hundred percent trusting him to have done it properly. There’s 56 minutes until service before Carmen finally lets you go (and only because he has prep he needs to get done).

Plenty goes unsaid between you and Carmen. You don’t say anything when he cracks his office door open for you when you need a breather. You don’t say anything when his station’s been cleaned for him miraculously while you’re waiting for him to finish paperwork.

Luckily for you, the rest of your coworkers seem to understand this time. Nobody mentions Liam or his absence. No one mentions the stars drawn on the band-aid on Carmen’s wrist. And, most surprisingly pleasant, no one mentions how Carmen has started calling you honey more than perhaps your real name.

It makes it even nicer when everyone heads out, leaving you and Carmen alone in the restaurant for the night. They seem to have miraculously developed tact over the last 24 hours, but you’re pretty sure nothing could have stopped Richie from telling everyone about the way that Carmen holds your hand the entire way to your apartment.

#carmen berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto #carmen berzatto fic #the bear fx

451 notes · View notes

torreshalstead · 10 months ago

Text

bad idea right?

Summary - He was the boy who broke her heart. But it was just a drink.

He was the one she wanted to spend forever with. But it was just a drink.

Getting a drink with her ex-college boyfriend, that was a bad idea right? Vanessa definitely thought so but Hailey was choosing to ignore her. Because it was Jay after all, her Jay.

AO3 Link

Now

‘Are you serious Hails?’ Vanessa whined, dropping her head down at her best friend's words with a soft groan. ‘Do you not remember why you broke up with him? Or more importantly, do you not remember the wreck you were when you did?’

‘Of course I remember,’ Hailey muttered, her cheeks flushing a gentle pink. There was some truth to what Vanessa was saying she knew that but she wasn’t willing to fully acknowledge that in her current state. Her stubborn streak was as loud and proud as it ever was. ‘We aren’t getting back together.’

‘No, you just think that you can have no strings attached sex with your ex who broke your heart!’

‘He didn’t break my heart,’ Hailey mumbled even though she didn’t believe her own words.

‘You were the one who broke up with him Hailey but that doesn’t mean he didn’t break your heart in the process. I was there.’

‘I know you were V and I love you for it but this isn’t going to be like that,’ Hailey implored, reaching across the small dining room table to grasp her friend's hand. ‘This is just going to be sex, if even that.’

‘It can never be just sex with you and Halstead,’ Vanessa sighed but squeezed Hailey’s hand anyway. ‘How did you run into him anyway?’

‘You know the bar down on Morgan and Lake?’ Hailey said and when Vanessa nodded in understanding she continued, ‘well I was in there waiting for Sam to meet me and he was working behind the bar.’ She shrugged as if running into your ex boyfriend from college who you hadn’t seen in years was a normal everyday occurrence.

‘Wait, you were waiting for Sam?’ Vanessa’s eyes widened and Hailey immediately regretted her words and wished she had changed the story, in the true version she didn’t come off all that great. ‘You were waiting for the guy you were meeting for a 3rd date, 3rd date Hailey! And you and Halstead were making sex eyes at each other over the bar? Girl, are you serious?’

‘Firstly, Jay and I were not making sex eyes at each other. I spotted him, smiled, he smiled back and we struck up a conversation,’ she shook her head in mild irritation but she couldn’t be too annoyed at her friend, she knew how the story sounded.

‘A conversation which ended with you deciding to hook up for some casual fun?’ Vanessa rolled her eyes. ‘Explain this to me like I’m an idiot because I certainly feel like one right now.’

‘It was just a conversation, there was no deciding anything,’ Hailey said exasperatedly but with one look from Vanessa she knew she had no choice but to continue. She loved her best friend dearly but she was like a dog with a bone some days, she couldn’t let things go and Hailey hated talking about her feelings which led to some slightly frustrated conversations between the pair. ‘When Sam walked in, it cut the conversation short so Jay and I exchanged numbers and agreed to catch up again.’

‘In front of your boyfriend?’

‘Sam is not my boyfriend,’ Hailey countered quickly. Maybe a fraction too quickly.

‘Oh? I thought you liked him.’

‘I did- I do,’ Hailey babbled. ‘I guess I just realised after seeing Jay that what we have is nothing compared to what I had in the past, best to cut it off before anyone gets hurt.’ That’s what she was telling herself anyway, she felt guilty about calling it off with Sam over a text when she was still sitting in the car park but she couldn’t help herself. She hadn’t so much as thought about Jay Halstead in at least 5 years, but after just a brief conversation she realised how much was still unsaid between them.

—————————————————————————

Then

Hailey walked into her dorm, her smile wide and arms full of boxes. She had finally made it to UofC, she had survived and made it out, and she never needed to look back - her past was just that, in the past. She was now a freshman at her first choice college on a full scholarship and even though she tried not to show her pride, she was incredibly proud of herself. She had worked so hard for this and it had all been worth it.

What she hadn’t factored in was moving into a college dorm by herself. All around her, parents and siblings were loaded with boxes and comforters and printers and clothes, chatting keenly with their loved ones decked out in family member merchandise, UofC Dad’s hat and Mom sweatshirts must have been on sale she mused. She felt like she stuck out like a sore thumb. A sore thumb without anyone to help her. Without anyone who loved her.

‘Need a hand?’ A smooth voice asked, jolting Hailey out of her miniature spiral and almost causing the box of psychology books to fall from her hands. ‘Sorry!’ A pair of hands reached out to steady the boxes, fingers brushing against hers in the process. A pair of deep green eyes appeared over the top of her boxes, a mop of brown hair with a slight curl framing a freckled face. ‘Didn’t mean to scare you,’ he said.

‘I was daydreaming,’ Hailey shook her head with a gentle smile. ‘Help would be appreciated if you don’t mind?’

‘Don’t mind at all,’ he said, smiling wide and displaying a set of very straight and very white teeth, dental hygiene clearly factored highly in his priority list. Hailey chided herself immediately for such a bizarre thought about a stranger but something about his smile wasn’t allowing her to formulate logical thoughts. ‘I’m already moved in and my roommate appears to be MIA so I’m all yours.’

He spoke so easily, like making friends and starting up conversations with complete strangers came naturally to him. Hailey guessed, as they walked towards her dorm after the boy had taken the heavy box of books from her, if she looked like him, she would have no problems making friends either.

Hailey didn’t hate the way she looked, but she didn’t love it either. Her hair was blonde, but a slightly mousey blonde and she hadn’t ever had the tools to be able to straighten or curl it properly so it hung down a mix of both but neither at the same time. She was short, barely 5 ft 2, and somehow that seemed to give people the right to look down on her, literally and figuratively. Her legs were a little scrawny, the knees looking a bit too large against her thighs - she had plans for these though, she was going to be joining the volleyball team and hitting the gym. Scrawny legs would soon be a thing of the past.

But this guy, this guy was tall, Hailey would estimate 6ft and change. He had broad shoulders, but not too broad like he wouldn’t fit through a door but that he could carry a heavy box without too much hassle - a truth he was demonstrating right now. His eyes rivalled those of Hailey’s favourite lead male character in any of her fluffy romance books that she loved to get lost in. And his hair made her want to reach out and run her fingers through it. Though she wasn’t sure that would be a way to make friends so she refrained. He was currently leading the way through the building which seemed to be purposely designed as a maze to get all the freshman lost, and Hailey had already had to draw her eyes away from his arse on two occasions. His jeans fit him perfectly, and she was only human after all.

‘You said you were in 237?’ He asked as they took a left at a T junction and continued down another corridor that looked exactly the same as the previous one.

‘I did,’ Hailey confirmed.

‘Here you are,’ he said dramatically, coming to a stop outside of a door with a whiteboard on it, on which someone had written Hailey in block capitals and Vanessa underneath it. Vanessa must be her roommate, Hailey wondered if she would be in there when she opened the door. The nerves at meeting someone new were being overpowered by the possibility that this could be a built in friend, someone she could count on and rely on. Someone who would like her for her.

‘Thank you,’ Hailey said with a smile, fishing out a key from her back pocket and opening the door with it. The room was empty, her roommate had yet to arrive. That meant Hailey got first choice of the beds.

‘Guess both our roommates are MIA,’ the boy said, walking in behind her and standing slightly awkwardly with the box still in his hands.

‘You can put that over there,’ Hailey gestured to the desk on the left hand side of the room, slightly further away from the door. ‘Thank you again.’

‘Not a problem,’ he said, placing the box down as if it had weighed nothing. ‘So are you Hailey or Vanessa?’ He asked, head cocked slightly to the side like if he concentrated hard enough he would be able to tell which name suited her best.

‘Hailey,’ she smiled, holding out her hand slightly awkwardly.

‘Jay,’ he said, shaking her hand. ‘Do you have more boxes you need bringing up?’

‘It’s okay, I can do it,’ she said with a shake of her head.

‘Strong independent woman,’ Jay smirked. ‘I like that, but I’m happy to help. Truly.’

He seemed genuine and Hailey did have a lot of boxes tightly packed into the back of her beat-up Camry.

‘Well if you’re sure,’ she smiled.

‘You can buy me a burger as thanks,’ Jay winked and Hailey followed him out of the door, keeping her eyes firmly away from his arse this time, although it took a lot more willpower than she would have imagined.

‘You drive a hard bargain Jay,’ she chuckled. ‘But I accept.’

—————————————————————————

Now

‘Is today the day?’ Vanessa asked as she took out the Tupperware with yesterday's leftovers in it to split it into two smaller boxes for their lunches.

‘Is today the day?’ Hailey repeated with a huff. ‘If you mean is today the day I am meeting Jay for a drink, then yes.’

‘A drink? Is that what the kids are calling it these days?’

‘A drink is what it is, if it leads to something else, then it does. I’m a big girl V, I can have casual sex with someone without it leading to marriage and babies.’

Vanessa paused and turned to look at her slowly. ‘No one said anything about marriage and babies, Hails. I’m just saying maybe this isn’t such a good idea.’

‘Vanessa,’ Hailey sighed and ran a hand through her hair.

‘I’m only saying Hails, I love you dearly but I also remember how much it killed you to end it with Jay before.’

‘That was then,’ Hailey said matter of factly. ‘This is now.’

‘So things have changed?’

‘I’ll text you when I’m on my way home,’ Hailey said, grabbing the Tupperware a little rougher than she aimed to and shoving it into her bag. She knew Vanessa was only trying to protect her but she wished she would back off a little. Hailey knew what she was doing.

Didn’t she?

—————————————————————————

Then

Hailey and Jay were inseparable from that first day on campus, nothing romantic happened between them for the first semester, they were purely friends. They became a little foursome; her, her roommate Vanessa who she got on with like a house on fire, Jay and Jay’s roommate Mouse, who was a little quirky but made them laugh until they couldn’t breath. They went to the Friday night games together, ordered pizza and watched movies in either of their dorm rooms and even sat in the library studying together.

College was turning into everything Hailey had hoped it would be, she had made the friends she had always longed for and she could finally be herself away from the negative environment she had been raised in.

She had told Vanessa some things about her home life but had rose tinted it a little, blurred the edges of some of the more grizzly details. The only person who had heard the unfiltered truth was Jay. She didn’t know what it was about him that made her feel so comfortable she opened up but she had, and in return he had revealed the truth about his childhood as well. They leant on each other, understood the slight flinches when voices were raised at tailgates or threats of fights were made. He had grabbed her hand and walked her to quieter areas more than once. She didn’t hate it when he held her hand.

Quite the opposite in fact.

It was Jay who made the first move, although Hailey had been hoping for a couple of weeks that he would. They had been edging closer and closer to the line, longing glances, lingering touches, hugs lasting more than a couple of seconds but still it remained platonic.

Until it didn’t.

Hailey was studying late in Jay and Mouse’s room, Vanessa was at some Chemistry event at a college in Wisconsin for the weekend and had made the boys promise to look after Hailey in her absence. Hailey didn’t need them to look after her but it warmed her heart that Vanessa cared enough to ask them to. She hadn’t had someone who watched her back before, it was nice.

Jay offered to walk her back, it was only the floor below and one corridor across but she agreed, her heart starting to beat faster as they walked slowly side by side through the empty corridors.

‘This is me,’ Hailey said light-heartedly when they reached her room. She didn’t need to say it, Jay had visited her room almost everyday since that first time at orientation - he knew exactly which door was hers.

‘So it is,’ he said quietly, not making any effort to turn back and return upstairs. Instead, he glanced down at her lips before his eyes flicked up to her eyes again, a silent question, an unspoken request.

‘Yes,’ Hailey whispered, stepping into his space with a surge of bravery she didn't know she had.

She didn’t know what happened first, whether it was one of his hands on her hips, the other buried in her hair, his lips on hers or his tongue begging for entrance at the seam of her mouth. She was suddenly surrounded by Jay and found herself pulling him closer, closing the gap between them that was already almost non-existent and wanting to lose herself in the smell of him, the taste of him and the feel of him. He overpowered all of her senses and took away her breath.

Hailey had kissed a boy before, well she had thought she had. But at this moment, she wasn’t sure she had ever really been kissed before. It had never been like this with a heat pooling in her lower stomach, her nerves tingling, a groan being pulled from her throat.

Jay pulled back before Hailey wanted him to and she had to stop herself from pulling him back to her immediately.

‘I’ve been wanting to do that for so long,’ Jay whispered, pushing a piece of hair that had fallen out of her braid back behind her ear.

‘What took you so long,’ she breathed with a chuckle.

‘I have no idea,’ he said before lowering his lips to hers again but this time it was gentle, soft, like she was something precious that he wanted to savour.

—————————————————————————

Now

Hailey considered Vanessa’s question as she drove towards the bar on the west side of the city where she had agreed to meet Jay. Had things changed? It had been 10 years since she had last seen Jay at their graduation and hadn’t spoken a word to him. 11 years since she had pulled the plug on a relationship that had turned into more than she had ever thought it could be.

She had fallen in love with a boy in college and happily lived in that fantasy until it threatened to turn into something more.

Hailey believed in love, she wasn’t a complete cynic. However she didn’t believe in marriage. She didn’t want to have kids, at least not her own biological children. She didn’t feel any maternal draw but recognised that she might change her mind one day but had promised herself if she did, there were plenty of children in Chicago that needed a loving home and she could provide one.

Jay and her had never discussed marriage, they were far too young and so the topic never came up. They simply lived in the moment, they went to class, had fun together, spent every waking hour together either alone or with their friends, all loved up and innocent.

And then, at the end of her junior year at a birthday dinner with Vanessa, her new boyfriend Kevin, Mouse and them. Jay had gotten down on one knee and asked her to marry him. She hadn’t even said no. Just turned on her heel and ran, ignoring the calls after her and the questioning looks from the other patrons in the restaurant. Just ran.

And now she was running back to him again. Back into his arms for what? Because the sex was good? Because he had been the sweetest and most caring person she knew? Because he had been her best friend - not a fact she would ever admit to Vanessa?

Was her friend right? Was this truly a bad idea that was only going to lead to her getting hurt again? Because running away from the boy she loved in the middle of a crowded restaurant was a pain she never wanted to experience again. She didn’t know if she could go through the pain of losing him a second time.

—————————————————————————

Then

Hailey lay with her head in Jay’s lap on the picnic blanket he had spread out in the back of his truck. They were supposed to be watching the movie that had been set up and projected onto the side of one of the campus buildings but they were playing their favourite game instead, this or that. It had started before they were a couple as a way to get to know each other, but now it would happen in the middle of the night when they were wrapped up in only each other, whispered in the backseat of Mouse’s car as he drove their little group, which had now expanded to include Vanessa’s football player boyfriend Kevin, to the nearest cheap diner for dinner or whenever else they felt like it.

Jay was running his fingers through Hailey’s hair, the movements threatening to send her to sleep.

‘Mountain or a lake?’ Jay asked.

‘Lake,’ Hailey mused.

‘You just want to see me without my shirt on,’ Jay muttered back.

‘Guilty as charged,’ she smirked, not opening her eyes but knowing Jay would be smiling too. ‘Peanut or Original?’

‘Original, if we are talking about M&M’s.’

‘Would we be talking about anything else?’

‘Big or Small?’ Jay asked after a moment’s silence.

Hailey frowned before opening her eyes, ‘what?’

‘Big or small?’ Jay repeated, a soft smile tugging on his lips.

‘In context?’

‘Hmmm,’ Jay pondered, dramatically tapping his finger against his cheek. ‘In the context of a wedding.’

Hailey’s breath hitched in her throat, her eyes widening in shock however Jay continued to smile. ‘Neither,’ she said quickly, pushing the panic that was rising in her chest back down. ‘Just you and me.’

‘Perfect,’ Jay said, his smile widening as he leant down to press a gentle kiss to her lips. She smiled into it, glad they were on the same page.

A marriage, and a wedding - these were not things Hailey ever wanted. But Jay, that was something she wanted forever. And she was so glad he felt the same way, that they could live their happily ever after without it becoming some legal agreement or a trap that people got stuck in.

——————————————————————————

Now

‘Hailey,’ a hauntingly familiar voice called from across the bar. When Hailey turned to the direction it came from she saw Jay standing tall at a table tucked into the back corner of the warmly lit room.

‘You came,’ Hailey said with a small smile as she approached the table.

‘Did you ever think I wouldn’t?’ Jay cocked his head to the side, the eyes that had filled her dreams for the past decade sparkling back at her. ‘You asked me to.’

Hailey felt the colour rising in her cheeks slightly as she took the seat opposite him, taking a moment to look at him all over. The person who she once knew better than anyone else.

The years had been kind to Jay Halstead. He was still tall, still broad but his arms were more toned than they had been at 20, pulling the shirt sleeves taut across the muscles they were hiding. His stubble was no longer patchy, he had learnt how to style his hair although the want to reach out and run her fingers through it still coursed through Hailey and made her fingertips itch. The wrinkles by the side of his eyes that always deepened when he smiled were more intense than they had been. But it was still her Jay.

It was still the Jay who had carried her boxes into the dorm on that first day and had never walked out of her life. But she had walked out of his.

‘How have you been?’ Jay asked, nodding at a nearby waiter to call him over. ‘The usual?’

Hailey nodded, unsure if she still had the ability to speak. Something about seeing Jay again, just the two of them, had rendered her speechless.

‘A Whiskey Sour and one on the rocks please,’ Jay said to the waiter, passing over his credit card for the tab. ‘Thank you.’

‘Thanks,’ Hailey risked it and the word came out in barely more than a whisper but at least her vocabulary had returned.

‘So, how you been?’ Jay said again, his smile still fixed on his face as if he couldn’t see the bizarreness of their situation.

‘Bit of a big question to start with, don’t you think,’ Hailey breathed out. A small chuckle accompanying her words.

‘Are you happy Hailey?’ Jay asked sincerely.

‘Yeah,’ Hailey said, and she meant it too. ‘I am.’

‘That’s good,’ he said, his smile warm and welcoming, the same smile he used to give her when they woke up together and their worries were limited to deadlines for papers or where they were going to eat that evening. ‘I only ever wanted for you to be happy Hailey.’

‘I know that, Jay,’ she said, ringing her hands together underneath the table. ‘I think I sho-’ she started but Jay interrupted her before she could say anything else.

‘I’m sorry Hailey,’ he said quickly, the smile morphing into something far more painful, his eyebrows knitted together in the middle, the frown lines deepening on his forehead. ‘I really am.’

‘For what?’ She asked genuinely.

‘For whatever I did that made you run like that. For whatever I did that hurt you so badly you didn’t want to see me again, talk to me again. For everything or anything that made you think I wasn’t your person anymore,’ he babbled quickly. It was so unlike Jay to babble. He was normally the one who spoke coherently, who considered his words carefully before voicing them aloud. To see him like this was unusual.

‘You didn’t do anything, Jay. Not really,’ Hailey shook her head.

‘I must have done something Hails,’ the old endearment slipped off his tongue. ‘One day everything was perfect and the next Vanessa was telling me you didn’t want to see me and I didn’t even know where you lived in your final year.’

Hailey pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and nibbled on it nervously. She hadn’t anticipated having this conversation tonight. She had imagined it would be fun and light hearted and they might make out outside the bar. She hadn’t expected him to want to lay it all out, what had happened all those years ago. But, as she took a deep breath, she realised he was owed an explanation.

‘Okay,’ she said, stealing herself for what was about to happen. To potentially burn the remainder of the bridge that was still smoking from the blaze that had burned through it years ago. ‘I thought we were on the same page.’

‘We were,’ he started but one look at her face seemed to tell him she needed a moment to speak her truth so he gave her a small nod to continue, a silent promise that he wouldn’t interrupt her again.

‘You brought up marriage just that once, in the back of your truck and I said I didn’t want that, I just wanted us. And I thought you did too. You knew about my parents, about how my mom got stuck in a marriage she couldn’t get out of with a man who used to…’ Hailey swallowed and blinked harshly, willing any tears that were brewing to not fall. ‘Well you knew. And I thought you understood, that I didn’t want that. And not that I thought you would be that man Jay,’ she added as she looked at the broken face of the boy who meant everything to her. ‘You were perfect and honest and true and nothing like him. But I never wanted to get married. I still don’t.’

‘And then you got down on one knee and it felt like you were giving me an ultimatum. That I had to marry you or I would lose you, so I lost you. I couldn’t stay and have you tell me you didn’t want me unless I was your wife, so I ran.’

‘You ran,’ Jay muttered, a tear was inching its way down his cheek but he made no move to wipe it away.

‘I know it wasn’t fair of me to not tell you, but I couldn’t face you. You had my heart Jay and I couldn’t watch as you broke it in front of me.’

‘I wouldn’t have,’ he said quietly but Hailey wasn’t listening. A decade of emotions were pouring out of her like a dam that had burst in a flood.

‘I wanted a future with you I did, but I didn’t want the wedding, the marriage or the babies and I panicked. I had thought we were on the same page, wanted the same thing but then you were there with a ring on one knee and it felt like the rug had been pulled out from underneath me. I loved you so much Jay but I panicked.’

‘I wouldn’t have broken your heart Hailey,’ Jay said again, a little louder this time and Hailey stopped suddenly, her eyes wide as she looked at him, suddenly hearing the words he was saying. ‘I thought I was doing what you wanted, I thought you wanted a marriage, not a big wedding, not a small wedding but just us two. I wanted to elope with you but because it was what I thought you wanted not because it was what I needed. I just needed you Hails. Only you.’

Hailey could feel the tears streaming down her cheeks now and if she was paying any attention she would have chided herself for not wearing waterproof makeup but she couldn’t focus on anything but what Jay was saying.

‘So you didn’t want to marry me?’ She asked, her mouth hanging open slightly after the question was voiced.

‘Of course I did,’ Jay said and Hailey felt a piece of her heart break off into her chest. ‘But I wanted you more. And if I knew you didn’t want to get married, I never would have asked. We could have lived happily ever after without the rings, without the kids, with a dog if that’s what you wanted. I would have given you anything you wanted, Hailey. I just wanted you.’

‘Why didn’t…’ she tailed off. But she knew the answer to the question without having to ask it. ‘Because I didn’t give you a chance to explain,’ she exhaled, the realisation coming into focus.

‘I thought you didn’t love me anymore,’ Jay said frankly, swiping the back of his hand across his cheek to catch the loose tears. ‘I wanted to fight for you but if you didn’t want me, then it only seemed fair to let you go.’

‘I wish we had spoken back then,’ Hailey said, sniffing quietly and taking a sip of her barely touched drink. ‘Could have saved a decade of pain.’

‘We were kids back then Hails, kids who didn’t really understand what love was,’ he shrugged slightly.

‘And now?’ She asked, unsure if she was dreading his response or hoping for it.

‘Now we’re not kids anymore,’ he said. ‘Now we understand that sometimes you have to fight for what you love, that it’s not always easy but it’s always worth it.’

‘Are we worth it?’ She asked, wanting to reach out and clasp his hands, feel his rough skin against hers for the first time in years and not just in a dream but she didn’t allow herself to do it.

‘I think so, I think we could be,’ Jay said.

‘I think so too,’ she breathed, the years of heartbreak and anguish lifting off her shoulders. She loved his man, she had loved him as a boy and tried to tell herself for years that she had moved on, that her heart didn’t need him anymore. But with him sitting in front of her, she realised she had lied to herself. Because she still loved him, of course she did. Her feelings had never changed, she had simply tucked them into the back of her mind, into a cupboard she daren’t not open. But those doors were wide open now, their contents strewn everywhere.

‘I still don’t want to get married,’ she said.

‘That’s okay,’ Jay said, reaching across the table to cradle her hand in his. ‘I just need you, I don’t care if we don’t share the same name, or wear matching rings. We don’t need those to prove our love for each other.’

‘You’re sure?’ She asked.

‘As I was the day I met you Hailey,’ he smiled and squeezed her hand. ‘I knew it was a good idea to talk to you that first day.’

‘I guess it was,’ she said, smiling what felt like the first true smile she had worn in years. ‘A good idea after all.’

#upstead #hailey upton #jay halstead #upstead fic #chicago pd #one chicago #hailey x jay #chicago pd fanfic #upstead fanfiction #chicago pd fanfiction #upstead fanfic #chicago pd fic

30 notes · View notes