#v;; it can't be for nothing (side; ellie)

[familyvideostevie]

time you will not spend alone

joel miller x fem!reader, 18+ mdni romance at the end of the world is this: flowers, lazy nights in bed after long days, and savoring every moment | or, joel makes you something. jackson!joel au, fem!reader, fluff, maybe a bit cheesy but idgaf, ellie cameo cause i can't do a damn thing without her, tommy gets some page time here too, smut (riding, unprotected p in v sex, some finger sucking lol), tenderness, gift giving | 5.7k a/n: i think this is the last part of the just and just as series for the foreseeable future. thank you for reading about this little au and these two lovebirds! i adore them. thank you @frannyzooey and @macfrog for your eyes and support on this. and thank you everyone else for being patient. <3

Spring sweeps into the valley seemingly overnight. The peaks remain snow-capped but the bare branches of trees between the evergreens begin to bud. Chilly mornings lose their bite and frost turns to dew and every day there is more light.

You've always thought Jackson looks its best in winter, but it's a damn sight to see as life and color return. And the latter is your favorite part -- the rolling hills outside the walls and the forest patrol paths are dotted and then overflowing with flowers.

It makes you feel more alive. Patrol isn't a freezing ordeal anymore -- it's an opportunity to see the remaining beauty in the world.

Today's shift is short and easy but you find yourself lingering, running your hands through pine needles and turning your face to the sun. Your horse is happy to munch on a patch of grass in a clearing just off the main trail, but your patrol partner is less than impressed.

"Are you serious?" Ellie moans. "You're stopping again? What the fuuuuuuuuck."

She sags in the saddle. The pout on her lips makes her look like a kid sent to bed without supper rather than an almost-twenty-year-old forced to spend some extra minutes in the fresh air. Shimmer has no problem chewing on some weeds despite her rider's moaning.

"Let me enjoy the sun," you say. "When you get older you'll appreciate the little things, too."

You hop off your horse and Ellie sighs loudly.

"Jesus, you're not that old," she mutters. "Seriously, what are you doing?"

You sweep your arms around you, gesturing at the meadow. "These flowers are nice," you tell her, pointedly. She adjusts the rifle slung over her shoulder. "I think I'm going to pick some and bring them home."

She snorts. "Oh, is Joel suddenly into flowers?"

You ignore her bait and crouch, gaze sweeping over the array of colors in front of you. You tried to learn the names of flowers years ago when you found a book on them in an old bookstore but they never stuck. Purples, pinks, and yellows, large petals and small ones, delicate yet hardy to survive the world past its end.

Joel isn't a fussy man. Young fathers don't get to be, and anyone alive these days sheds that impulse just as quickly. He's happy to wake up every day with you by his side, his kid in the garage out back and walls around everything he loves, keeping it all safe.

It makes it both easy and hard to please him -- you want to give him everything but he seems to want nothing. A perfect paradox, a puzzle to solve. 

God, you love him. You love spring, you love Joel. Everything feels good.

So, you start to gather stems, snapping them at their bases, humming as you work.

"How do you choose which ones to pick?"

"Fuck," you gasp, careening forward onto one palm and looking over your shoulder. Ellie is off her horse and much closer than before, standing directly behind you. "Jesus, you're stealthy."

She shrugs, her smirk a pleased slash across her face. "You're oblivious as fuck."

You roll your eyes at her.

"Seriously," Ellie says, crossing her arms. She jerks her chin at the small bouquet you've got in one hand. "How do you make it look so nice?"

"Oh, so we've moved on from the making-fun-of-me part of this?"

She crouches next to you, elbows on her knees.

"I, uh -- " Her cheeks go pink, freckles standing out against her blush. "Dina likes flowers."

You bump her shoulder with yours. "I'm going to be so nice and not tease you."

"Fuck off," she scoffs, tucking her smile into her shoulder.

It's quick work. Ellie follows your lead, balances out the blooms she picks with some leafy weeds. She ties them together with one of the minimum four spare hairbands she has on her person at all times -- bits of cloth, occasionally a rare unused elastic from before if she's found some on patrol.

"Isn't it kinda shitty?" she muses, nimble fingers turning her bouquet this way and that to admire it. "We're killing them. The flowers, I mean."

"Little late to have a conscience about killing," you say lightly. The two rabbits she pulled from Jackson snares hang from her saddle. You've seen her in action, too -- gun raised, hands steady, blood splattered across her cheek. It's not an accusation, far from it. Violence is a language you both speak, one she's known for most of her still-short life.

She rolls her eyes, every bit a teenager. "Whatever."

You sigh. "You're right, though," you say. "There were whole shops dedicated to this before. Selling flowers, making bouquets and centerpieces and all that shit."

She probably knows this, but she lets you describe it. Ellie soaks up bits of the old world like it will materialize before her if she listens hard enough. Joel says it was much worse when she was younger, right after they settled into Jackson. She wanted details about everything and watched every movie she could get her hands on. You think she was satisfying her curiosity, sure, but also that she was trying to understand him better -- but didn't know how to say so.

"Weird," she mutters. "And you just...bought them for other people?"

"Or yourself." You pat her shoulder and stand. Your horse tries to nibble on your flowers before you haul yourself back in the saddle. "It was just a nice thing to do, I guess."

"Killing something to make someone else happy," Ellie says with a dry laugh. She tucks her bouquet in the crook of her arm once she's back in the saddle. "I guess everyone does that these days."

It's absurd when she puts it that way, but it's true. You've all got blood on your hands. You would kill for this girl, for Joel, for pretty much anyone in Jackson. And you have.

The flowers are for Joel, they're for your house, they're for you. Something beautiful to bring home alongside your dirt stains and scarred hands, your haunted eyes and nightmares. No one is spared those.

It's only mid-morning by the time you get back to the wall. You and Ellie left at dawn, short sticks drawn for the early shift. She leaves you in the stables with a mock salute and a shout of thanks, practically jogging to Dina's to give her the flowers.

You're untacking your horse when you hear familiar laughter, a deep chuckle and Ellie's faint indignant protest.

"Mornin'," Joel says from behind you. "Was hopin' to catch you at the gate."

"Can you hold these?"

You blindly extend the hand with the flowers. His fingers carefully extract the bouquet and you return to brushing out your horse.

"Does this have somethin' to do with Ellie runnin' out of her with flowers of her own?"

"Never let anyone say you're unobservant, Joel Miller."

He snickers. You leave your horse with a final pat on the neck and thanks for a job well done.

When you face Joel, he looks tired -- he's been pulling extra long days replacing windows and roof tiles after the winter's damage. God knows that man never seems fully rested, but it's a little worse when the seasons change.

He's told you time and time again that standing two stories off the ground is a hell of a lot safer than fighting some Infected on patrol, but you still worry. Just like you know he worries about you beyond the walls, how he's a little tenser whenever you're not in sight, whenever he hasn't seen Ellie for a few days ‘cause they're both busy. It's just how he loves. It's how you both love.

You make no move to take the flowers from him, instead brushing some sawdust from his shoulder.

"Did you have a job already?" you ask.

"Small one. Fixin' a crooked over mailbox." He looks pointedly at his full fist. "You gonna explain now?"

"They're for you."

Joel blinks once, twice, brows furrowing like you're speaking a different language. Maybe a few years ago you'd start to feel self-conscious, unsure of your romantic gesture and insecure in his reaction. But now, as fully in love and connected to this man as you are, you lean in.

"If you're too manly to carry flowers through town --"

You make to take them from him but he snaps out of his daze and wraps an arm around your shoulders, pulling you to his chest in a smooth motion.

He also holds the bouquet in the air and out of reach.

"Hey, now," he says. "Hands off. These ain't your flowers."

"I picked 'em," you remind him, poking him in the ribs for good measure. 

He flinches just a little but doesn't move. His embrace is warm and familiar and you sink into it. "Gettin' romantic," he mutters and brings the flowers back down to eye level to examine them.

"I'm just trying to catch up to you," you say into his jacket. He huffs and his palm rubs a slow line up and down your arm.

You wiggle out of his embrace to shoulder your pack.

"I am pretty romantic," he muses.

It's true. Even if he's joking and even if no one but you gets to see it, Joel has always made sure you feel loved. Courtship and romance look different these days, but it still comes naturally to him -- loving. Dinner dates, jewelry, and trips to the airport have become a battered paperback, a sharpened knife, and bloody knuckles, but it rings just as true. He loves you and he loves his family the best way he knows how – by keeping you all safe.

And you do your best to convey the same thing. You tell him, of course, but you also mend his shirts and chop wood when his back is acting up, and you look after his kid like she's your own.

Joel deserves to know that he can receive all that he gives, too – the protection, the tenderness, the beauty. Moments of softness and rest where he knows he’s taken care of, thought of, that he matters beyond the things he can do for everyone else.

So, you also do things like bring him flowers.

Sometimes you feel like it will never be enough. You will never have enough time to show him how much he means to you, how he's saved you, how important and cherished and loved he is. How good he is.

Joel reaches for your face with his free hand. He traces the line of your cheekbone with his thumb and smirks when you inhale sharply. Another patrol returns and the stables are suddenly louder and more crowded than before. If you're both free for the rest of the day, you want to drag him up to your bedroom and spend the hours there. You want to show him, for the millionth time, how much you love him.

"Okay, Mr. Pretty Romantic," you say, grabbing his hand and tangling your fingers together. "Let's go home."

___

Joel is hiding something from you.

The flowers last for a week and you watch him eye them and smile every time he enters the kitchen.

But after they droop and go in the compost pile, something shifts. Something subtle, sure, but you spend most of your waking hours looking for or at Joel, so you notice.

He starts keeping his workshop door closed. Normally you'll sit and watch him work, or he'll teach you a few chords here and there on the guitars he's making, but your lessons move to the porch and the upstairs hallway loses the scent of wood glue and stain.

In fact, he actively steers you away from the room altogether. He's all just needs a deep clean and it's messy, is all. It's not rocket science -- he's making something for you, clearly. But giving him a hard time is too fun to pass up.

One night, you and Ellie wait at the bottom of the stairs. There's a dinner and movie night in the old church and you're taking the opportunity to make it a family outing.

"You coming?" you holler up the stairs. You hear the door creak open.

"Gimme a second," he calls back down.

"Jesus," you mutter. You tap the side of Ellie’s sneaker with your boot. "You know anything about that?"

Honesty is important between all of you, but you know Joel and Ellie need to have their secrets. There is too much tangled history between them for you to understand it all. It's important to you that they have a relationship all their own, even if it means they scheme.

Ellie is examining her switchblade with intense focus. "I might," she says with a smirk. "He's a lovesick loser, I'll tell you that."

You lean on the banister and raise your eyebrows. "Do you remember when you asked me how to embroider so you could put Dina's name on her jacket?"

The knife swings closed with a snick and she rolls her eyes at you, cheeks pink.

"Shit, dude," she says. "Why do I tell you anything?"

"She liked the flowers, though, didn't she?"

Ellie crosses her arms and smiles at whatever memory she's seeing in her mind. "Yeah," she says. "She did. Jesse gave me so much shit, though --"

The door upstairs closes and Joel's heavy footfalls cut her off.

"Finally," you grumble. He trods down the stairs, arms half in his jacket when he catches sight of the two of you. "Are you hiding state secrets in there?"

"What the fuck does that mean?" Ellie asks.

"Might be," is all he says. He's got that twinkle in his eye that means mischief but he looks proud of himself. You can let him have this, whatever this is. You trust him and you'll find out eventually.

"Alright," you say, pushing off the banister and heading for the door. "You're going to breathe toxic fumes with the door closed."

"No, seriously," Ellie says. "What kind of secrets would a state be keeping?"

"Ain't nothin' toxic in there," he says lightly. He bumps Ellie's shoulder with his. "C'mon."

She throws her hands up in the air. "You know, it's shitty when you ignore me."

"Did you hear somethin'?" Joel says to you.

You shake your head, swallowing your laughter. "No," you say. "Nothing."

"Assholes." She pushes past you and down the steps onto the street. "I'm going to make sure there are no mashed potatoes left when you get there."

__

You don't mind letting Joel do whatever he's up to in all of his spare moments. It does mean you have more time to yourself, so you pick up some extra wall shifts.

And when one of those shifts is with Tommy? Well, you can't help but needle him a little bit about it all.

"Do you know what your brother is up to?" you ask him.

The wind today carries some lingering winter bite, so you've got the collar of your coat pulled up around your ears. Tommy’s hair whips around his face when he raises his eyebrows at you.

"Gonna have to be more specific," he says. "My brother is always up to some shit."

"I think he'd say the same thing about you."

Tommy laughs. He's got the reputation for being the more easy-going of the Millers, but you know he's more a match for Joel than most think. Out in the world, they work as one, silent and deadly, always in step when it counts. They still speak a language all their own with just a look and you see so much of them in each other when you pay attention.

"Well, I learned it all from him," he says. He adjusts his grip on the rifle and sighs. "I happen to know what you're talkin' 'bout, though."

"Is he just telling everyone but me?"

"Nah," Tommy scoffs. "Asked me and Ellie for help, s'all. And you know he tells that girl everythin'."

You both smile for a moment at your fondness for them.

Tommy clears his throat. "Does it bother you? Him keepin' a secret?"

You know Tommy won't let your answer get back to Joel. He's asking as your friend, as your kind-of brother. He's asking because he cares.

A patrol crests the hill, green flag waving in the air. They whistle and shout for the gate to be opened. 

You step closer to Tommy so he can hear you. "No," you say. "I just like to gossip."

"Don't I know it," he chuckles. "You two are the eyes and ears of this damn town. Knowin' everything."

"Except what happens in my own home," you tease. 

He shrugs. "You'll like it, if that helps," he adds.

"I know I will."

You look out at the world beyond the wall and smile to yourself. 

Joel has made you a few things over the years. He works wonders with his hands all the time: Beautiful, intricate carvings for the house, for Ellie, for new babies in town. The wall of guitars, not to mention the ones he's made for kids to learn on in school. You're better at sewing than he is, but he's pretty damn good – fixing up pillowcases and blankets and clothes of all kinds. Joel is a craftsman.

Hands that hold you can also pull a trigger, punch until there's nothing left, and craft a work of art.

And he knows you. He pays attention -- there is a reason behind everything he does. If he's making you something, you know you'll love it.

"Strange, ain’t it?" Tommy says. You turn to him, a question on your face. "World ended and here we all are, happy. Makin' shit for each other. Gosspin'."

You sigh. “Took a lot to get here.”

“Damn right,” he says with a long whistle. “Lotta shit behind us.”

“Do you ever regret it?” you ask. 

Tommy considers your words. You two talk plenty, but you’ve never really spoken about the past. Joel tells you whatever you want to hear about the years before you knew him, so you’ve got a pretty good picture of their lives after the outbreak.

"Can I tell you somethin’?” Tommy asks. You nod. "Alright. I – I never thought I'd see my brother this happy again. And I wish every damn day that Sarah was here to see it. To know him this way, to meet Maria. To know you and Ellie."

Joel has said the same thing before and it’s an honor greater than you can ever explain.

"When I saw him and that girl a few years ago, I thought --" Tommy clears his throat. "I thought maybe he’d made it through all the shit we did. And I was right. She brought him through it. And now he’s here, doin’ stable life shit we dreamed about before."

"Ellie is a force," you say, a little surprised to find your voice watery. The love between Ellie and Joel is fierce and powerful, evident to anyone who witnesses it. They would do anything for each other, even though they're mending.

"She is," he says. "And so are you.” He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “Shit, I don’t know where I’m goin’ with this. Point is – seein' him love you, too, shows me he’s through it. He's alive again, you know? And I’d do all the shit we did over again just to get us all here. So, no. I don’t regret it."

It’s nothing you haven’t thought before, but the words work their way into your heart and sit there, heavy and warm.

“Damn,” you say. You swallow and give him a wide smile. "If you keep going, Tommy Miller, I will start crying and that would embarrass us both."

He laughs and blinks a few times. You join in, wiping your eyes.

"Alright, I won't," he says. "Jesus, all you did was ask what he's doin' in that workshop."

You clap him on the shoulder. "I won't tell anyone you started blubbering on duty."

He snorts. "Ain't that generous of you.”

__

Days pass. A week. You almost forget about Joel's project because he spends less and less time in the workshop and more on tasks around town as the days get longer. You're both busy -- chopping wood, planting bulbs for the fall, helping de-shed the horses. There's always work to be done.

After a particularly long day on your feet, you come out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel to find he's gotten home while you were in the shower.

"Hey, stranger," you say. You're mostly dry but some water drips down your back and you shiver. Joel is leaning against the headboard on top of the sheets without his shirt, reading whatever book he's onto now.

"Didn't hear me come in?" he asks. He sets his volume aside and pulls off his glasses.

"I was too busy coming back to life under some hot water." He probably heard you singing off-key to some long-lost song stuck in your head for the millionth time. "And you're quiet as hell, Joel."

He shrugs.

You just look at each other, the intimate gaze of two people who know every inch of each other and never tire of it.

The sleep pants he wears to bed this time of year are lightweight, thin enough that you can see the outline of him from here. His stomach is soft where he's bent at the waist and the trail of hair above his waistband is dark, darker than the rest of what's on his chest.

The golden expanse of his skin just begs to be touched, so you make your way over to him in your towel. He makes room for you to perch on the edge of the bed, the bare skin of your thigh pressing into his pants. His palm rests on your knee.

"I haven't seen much of you lately," you say softly. "’Cause of that damn thing you're working on."

His fingers press into your skin.

"Ain't patience a virtue, or something like that?"

"Whatever magic you're working better be worth waiting for," you tease.

Joel's hand resumes its path up your leg and he smirks.

"I can work some magic right now," he says.

You laugh, throwing your head back as his fingertips edge under the towel.

"That was awful," you say. "I should get dressed in all of my layers right now and go sleep on the couch."

You pull away from his touch so you can straddle him, your towel only held on by one hand at your breasts.

Joel snickers. "But then I wouldn't be able to do this."

Nimble fingers find your cunt between your spread legs and you gasp a laugh, one hand on his shoulder to balance you in his lap.

"Smooth," you manage. His other hand tugs on the towel and you release it, your slightly damp skin breaking out into goosebumps in the air of the bedroom.

Joel drags his lips between your breasts and you feel his smile.

"Christ," he says. "You comin' outta there in just a towel and you expect me to go to sleep?"

He pulls his fingers from you and frames your face with both hands to drag it down to his in a lazy, thorough kiss, like he's savoring each moment.

His tongue traces the seam of your lips and you let him in readily, arms wrapping around his shoulders as you grind down on the hardness you can feel through his pants.

"I've missed you," you say, dragging your tongue along down his jaw. His fingertips press into your bare hips hard enough to bruise, but it's a grounding touch rather than an urgent one. You want to take your time because you have missed him, and you think he feels the same way.

"Sorry, sweetheart," Joel groans, dragging your lips back to his. "It'll be worth it."

You pull back to look him in the eyes. The hazel-grey is almost totally taken over by his pupil, but his gaze softens when you cup his cheek and smile.

"I know," you say, and mean it. Naked in his lap in your bedroom, you mean it. You always mean it. You always trust him.

Joel kisses you once, twice, and you pull on his lower lip with your teeth when he pulls away. His nostrils flare and before you can tug his cock from his pants, he holds two fingers out to you.

You laugh, circling his wrist and bringing the digits past your lips. You swirl your tongue around them and really take your time with it, laving at his knuckles before releasing them with a pop.

His cock twitches beneath you and he huffs.

"You're an easy man to please, Joel Miller," you tell him, tugging down his pants and letting his shaft spring free. You stroke him root to tip and he hisses.

"Nah," he manages. "It's ‘cause it's you."

He follows his words with a circle of your clit from his spit-slick fingers.

"See?" you gasp. "Romantic."

It's a bit crowded, his hand rubbing your clit and yours slowly jerking him, but neither of you rush it. You pant together, dotting lazy kisses on any piece of bare skin you can reach. You breathe him in, the combination of sweat and gun oil and fresh detergent that's just Joel. A rush of tenderness hits you so suddenly your nose stings.

"Joel," you say, a bit ragged. "Joel, can you --"

A gentle hand on your face brings your foreheads together, his eyes on yours.

"Whatever you want," he groans. "Whatever you want, it's yours."

You can't help it -- you laugh. Brightly and happily, almost in disbelief that this man is yours. Real and solid under you right now, beside you every night. Yours to love and cherish and all the rest.

"You laughin' at me?" he grumbles, though you can tell he's fighting a smile.

"I just love you, is all," you say. You probably don't say it enough. You and Joel show each other every day, so much so that you can't imagine he doesn't know. As it is, you feel loved by him with every move he makes, every time he looks in your direction, every time he says your name.

"And I want you to fuck me," you add.

It's Joel's turn to laugh.

"Now who's the romantic one?" he says. 

You rise from his lap and settle onto your back on the other side of the bed, stretching with your hands above your head.

His eyes follow the line of your bare body, fondness and hunger recognizable in his gaze.

"Always so damn pretty," he grumbles. "Prettiest thing I've ever seen."

"Flirt," you tease.

He rises to his knees and pumps his cock a few times with his fist. You spread your legs for him, knees bent up against your chest.

He settles between your knees and you lock them around his hips. Joel honest-to-god winks at you before dragging two fingers through your folds to make sure you're slick enough.

"Ready?"

You nod. He enters you in one practiced move and you groan in unison as you adjust. It takes some shuffling but he finds a position he can hold, and you wrap your arms around his neck.

Joel fucks you slow and deep. Each drag of his cock against your walls curls your toes and drags whines from both of your throats. He keeps up his usual babel -- doin' so good, feel like a dream, so damn tight, cunt's a fuckin' miracle -- and you press your hands into his bare back like he's a life raft.

Sweat beats on your brow, your chest, everywhere, and you suck bruises into his neck as his thrusts get a little frantic. Your own orgasm sneaks up on you, the pressure building and building and building until it snaps without warning.

"Joel -- Joel, fuck, I --"

You clench around him and he chants your name, that's it, baby, come on my cock, and buries himself to the hilt to finish inside you.

He hovers above you on trembling arms long enough to press a sweet kiss to your lips before rolling off of you.

"Now I'm ready for bed," you say, panting.

You fling a hand out lazily and it lands on his chest. He intertwines your fingers and his gaze finds yours. You smile as you get your breathing under control.

Joel smooths your brow with a thumb. "Don't forget to --"

"I know, I know," you say. "C'mon, you know this isn't my first rodeo." You get up from the bed and head to the bathroom.

"You sayin' I'm a bull?" Joel calls after you.

"Save a horse, ride a cowboy!" you holler back, cleaning yourself up. "Didn't people used to say that?"

Joel doesn't answer you but you laugh at your own joke. You make your way back to the bed in old pyjamas and find him back in his sweatpants, feet flat on the floor like he's about to get up and go somewhere.

"Joel?"

He sighs, his shoulders moving up and down like he's bracing himself.

"It's done," he says. "Your surprise."

The confession stops you in your tracks.

"Oh?"

You know Joel better than mosty, but sometimes he's still a puzzle. The hesitation, the slight air of anxiety about him as he says it confuses you. Because Joel is good at taking care of people, and he has to know it -- those years he and Ellie didn't speak you know he left her things, know that he took care of her from afar as much as she would let him. It's just what he does, he uses his hands to beat and shoot and bloody – but also to carve and hold and love.

They're the same thing, really.

And he's made you something – one of countless gifts he's given you, tangible and not, throughout your relationship.

But he's nervous. As if you wouldn't love anything he made, anything he does. As if you're not gone over every part of him.

"Hm," he says. "Yeah. Let me --"

Joel gets up from the bed and pads over to the dresser to rummage around in a drawer. You meet him back on the bed and he's holding a square-ish parcel wrapped in cloth.

You gingerly take it from him.

"This is what you've been working on?" you ask softly. He nods.

You unwrap the cloth and find yourself holding leather-bound journal. The hide is smooth under your fingertips, scraped clean by hand and tanned a dark chestnut.The spine is about an inch wide, the whole thing swen together with neat stitches of what can only be catgut. A thinner strip of leather is wrapped around the cover and tucked into itself carefully. It must have taken him ages to make. 

"Joel," you gasp. "It's...god, it's beautiful."

He tells you how he found it on patrol a few weeks ago. The cover was fucked but the paper was somehow fine, so he dried out the pages and rebound it with a hide he tanned himself. You run your hands over it again almost like you can feel his fingerprints all over it, the hours he poured into the pages.

The inside cover falls open easily when you undo the tie and you see letters in the bottom left corner of it. Your eyes sting.

Joel has carefully burned your name into the leather, each letter perfectly lined up with the next. You haven't had something with your name on it in years.

He clears his throat. "Ellie said she'd give you some of her pens. Show you how to refill 'em."

You look up from your gift and find so much love on his face you can hardly stand it. He was inside you not that long ago and somehow this is more intimate. You surge forward into his space and wrap an arm around his shoulders, burying your face in his neck.

"I don't know what to say," you confess. "Just -- thank you."

He runs his hand along your spine.

"S'nothin'," he says. "Just saw it and thought of you, is all."

You release him and shake your head in disbelief. This man.

"What should I write in it?"

Joel's cheeks darken a little. Of course he's thought of everything.

"Figured you could write about...all this." He waves a hand in the air like that explains anything.

"All what?"

He shrugs one bare shoulder.

"Life," he says. "Jackson. Folks here. Might be nice, havin' the memories."

You scoot closer to him so you're almost in his lap again.

"You want me to write down the gossip?" You mean it as a joke but Joel nods.

"You pay attention," he explains. "Someone's gotta."

You're not much of a writer anymore, haven't had cause to be in twenty years. But you do like to tell stories. You both do. 

The pages are soft under your fingertips as you flip through them again. You're going to fill them with stories -- about this town, about Joel and Ellie and Tommy and the people you love. The people you've lost, too. The memories that hurt like bruises, like fresh wounds. But the good stuff, too. The gossip, the love stories, the plants in the yard and the flowers on the trails.

Joel has given you the ability to record your lives.

You reach over him to set the journal on the nightstand before you frame his face with both of your hands.

"I'm going to write pages and pages about you, Joel Miller," you whisper.

He huffs, cheeks warm under your palms. "That's borin'."

You shake your head and lean in until your lips brush and your eyes flutter shut.

"That's the story," you say. "That's my life. This is my life. You are."

“I love you,” he breathes. “So damn much. Y’know that?”

How could you not? You say so and kiss him firmly but without hurry. You’ve got lots of time. You’ve got forever.

[astralnymphh]

⤹ okay but on the topic of vampire!ellie, which one do you guys personally like?? has nothing to do with what i'll write next, just a curiosity + headcanons. MDNI 18+ enjoy this free vamp!ellie brainstorming content with a random side of nipple fixation!

¨༺ ♱ ༻¨

teenage dirtbag vampire!ellie in a modern realm who can't stand being in her parents suburban hell born house, tired of their cockalorum and urging for her to engage more in the vampiric branch of her family. attend the parties, go human–hunting with the other blood–ingesting addicts, try this, do that. it all irked ellie the wrong way, made her psyche boil, cause all she wanted to fucking do was you. she craves only your blood, your taste, the metallic ribbons pumping your lifeline was like a goddamn nectar to her. and you let her feed, because you loved her. you let your meat sack of a body replace her breakfast, lunch, dinner– first and final meal.

that's why you let her move in with you. cause you fucking can. now, every itty–bitty token of her life tangles with yours on the walls. pictures and awards, a manifold of knickknacks cluttering the window sills, even her clothes tend to blend with yours– an illusive invitation for you to wear her clothes without the question ever pressing her lips apart. you both are madly besotted in each other. no denial objects to that.

and, fuck, this version of ellie is hot. fitted tanks absent of a bra– pale brown pierced nipples erecting the thin fabric into a small mound. gray wash skinny jeans that fit her lean legs well, waistband cruising nicely under that peek of a v–line, fraying at the ankle hems that contrasts into those battered up converse of a similar hue. oh, and usually cloaks her shoulders up in a sable leather jacket– with your name patched in. a jacket, so prized, alwaaays winds up hurled to some isolated and cimmerian corner of your room, purely cause she lacks the care to hang it up whenever she returns home in a scramble, fangs unsheathing for blood. her knees would find themselves pressing hard into the mattress beneath both of you, centering a large gully of weight where her half–unzipped crotch and your butt meet, thirstily rutting to the point of numbing your clit through the hard denim of your pants. her zinc button just kept pounding that shit, keeping you spread wide. while dry humping you, she'd moan and groan hot on your earlobe, fangs partial hooking on the rim, "mhh– fuck n' suck, babe– can i? fuuck.." 'fuck n' suck' was just some made–up code for, well, it should be obvious. times like those, where she intends to fuck her pussy rough on you without remorse, whilst drying your organs of blood.

ohh, but i'll write that in detail one day~

gothic vampire!ellie who lodges high on a hill, deep in the mighty fathomage of her grandoise palace, steeples scaping high into the howling sky– torn asunder by a network of lightning above. you're nothing but meat and blood, princess, a feast inside regalia. every freshwater pearl, every satiny reflection of light off your dress, only made your flesh more supple in her fluorescent fern eyes. those lucifer–damned pupils though, well, let's just say you can't even measure the green pool of her eyes anymore. dilating, big black saucers, ballooning the milken white away whenever she snags a glimpse of your blood. that phantom heartbeat of hers races madly, mad of love for that color. for that glisten of liquid. so divine, she thinks. a gulp bolts down her gullet when within a measly foot of you, or, more specifically, a mere gate between the two of your noses. how else is she supposed to store her cache of sustenance?

yes, that's precisely what i'm hinting at. a holding cell. dusty and decrepit, rats abundant skittering the stone ground, and you swore cobwebs began to web themselves in your hair– now loose and unbraided. that brute of a girl would crouch on the opposing side, dangling keys on a loop sat upon her finger, ploddingly wagging like a swinging great axe. taunt, taunt taunt taunt.. is all she would skip about and do. slip into your cell quickly and play with you. kitty–cornering you and blocking you in her arms, cooing how terribly sorry she feigns to be, for jailing you up and treating you like meat. however, tides turn, and so do emotions. could it be, the dracula upon the misty cliff– has fallen in love?

turns out, witty princesses with a snakish tongue and spit to spare really turned her on. fuck, even you cursed yourself for rending your guard and feeling a magnetic pull to that hunk of a beast, clad in her midnight black, puffed sleeves and collar drawstring shirt. finely sewn black trousers and shiny black boots, curse you, for finding something about that hellishly horrid outfit so handsome on her. there's– oh, this particularly noticeable asset tp her garb as well. the black dye was nearing translucency, and if you loitered your vision directly on her chest long enough, caught in the right cosmic light, you could see that waxen bosom and her nipples, light brown contrary to her vampiric skin. haha, how humiliating it was when she caught you staring at them as she stood in front of your sat stature, being so brazen enough to ask, "something caught your eye princess? shall i strip myself of this, then?" whilst her hands mindlessly tucked under the loose hem anyway, wringing the fabric over her head and banishing it aside. "here, feel my dead heart–" swirled her voice, thrusting her hand out to grasp yours, cold as the ice age, her mitts froze your wrists and yanked them forth, pressing them flat against her breast and swiping her thumb across your contrasting warm skin, leavening with excitement as you fondle. she stows her knee on the bed adjacent to your thigh, whispering, so.. so, hauntingly, "feel that? no pulse, no life, not a spark lives within me, dear." and it was nothing vastly far from the truth. beneath her erect nipple, was no beat. eyes widening to a moon, and lips parting to steal simply too much air, you shudder. was it fear, you shuddered for, or arousal? that's a tale, for another day.

[rise-my-angel]

Melancholy Interlude

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Length: 16k

Warnings: angst/hurt comfort with happy ending, mentions of past trauma, discussing death of loved ones, smut, oral (f receiving), p in v, cockwarming, showering together, massaging, body insecurity,

Notes: This was supposed to be shorter at 8k until I doubled that in one day cus I can't help myself. I'm so sorry. Direct continuation of Haunted Anguish, next chapter here, apart of the Confused Warmth storyline.

You had never been sure how permanent your life in Jackson would be. It started as whispers you didn't quite believe, yet you found yourself leaned against the wall that evening, one hand holding up a map. It said laid out on your bent knee making pencil scratching on it while your flashlight was bit between your teeth for any kind of a light source. You never gave much thought to why your life was directed to that town specifically. Back then it was just another name, another place you didn't even know would still be standing when you got there. 

But Joel had called you family. A man grappling to accept his own place in this life, trying desperately to pull you along with him. Create a new family together that all three of you could live with. The only family you had ever known before was nothing more then a mystery. People who you had been been ripped away from before you could understand who you were to them. 

Perhaps that's why as you were struggling to pack up the last of your belongings. Leaving this small, isolating house meant having a new permanent place in Joel and Ellie’s family, but honestly? You weren’t quite sure what family was even supposed to feel like. Memory of what family felt like was filled with confusion and silence, the exact opposite of what Joel was trying to coax out of you. 

So you sat there in your once comforting old house, back against the thin metal bed frame as your feet were planted flat on the ground, one knee bent towards you much like the night before you chose to come here. Your nails dug into your lip as the other hand tapped against the leg laying down. Trying to decide what of your old life deserved to be brought into this one, and how much it would make Joel pull away from you if you still couldn’t let go of it. 

The thud of footsteps had your head rising in attention. Eyes wide with a pound of your heart causing you to scramble up to turn around and pretending to sort through the scattered items on the bed. A bag laid open and begging for you to just choose what to bring with you already, as you had no doubt Joel was about to comment on how empty it was. 

Steps coming towards the room, you caught partially imagine the sight behind you. Joel’s large frame taking up most of the door as he had one arm rested up high on the wood, with the other hung onto a belt loop on the same side his leg stood bent to the side. Turning your head just the slightest to the side, there Joel stood exactly as you pictured. 

A small moment of amusement just strong enough to pull a smirk on your lips before you turned back to the pile before you. Warmth enveloped your back as he placed a resting hand over it, leaning over your shoulder with a squint at your progress. “You’re going to end up kicking me out of my own room, bringing all that with you.” 

His chin jutted out to the bag just as you predicted. Your shoulders shrugged, not yet looking at him while you fiddled with the clothes you folded and refolded. “Just don’t want to take up space is all.” 

A rumbling hmm vibrated against your back from deep in his chest. Instead of responding, Joel just reached around you and grabbed the pile in one hand and tossed it unceremoniously into the bag. A plop of fabric slumped into the insides while Joel continued to reach and pull your small survival kit in front of you. 

Sparing a glance you were taken back to find Joel’s stark brown eyes already boring into your own. He only waited for a raise of your eyebrows to dismiss your complaint. “If that’s you taking up space I’d hate to see what the bare minimum would be.” 

You watched his body leave your side and the radiating warmth along with it as he leaned his body up against the adjacent wall. Arms crossed as he refused to take his eyes off you. “How many times am I going to have to remind you that I asked you to move in. Not the other way around.” 

The sigh that left your body was heavy, deflating your shoulders more if such a thing were even possible. Your nails dug into the skin of your fingers as you fiddled with them. “It’s just, moving in is supposed to be this big deal isn’t it?” 

That was a cope and you both knew it. So you kept not looking at him as if he couldn’t call your bluff if he didn’t see your face. Joel however, didn’t have the patience for this game. “Not sure I’d call saving you the 5 minutes it takes to walk to my house every morning, that you barley even have to do anymore anyways, a big deal.” 

He got a smirk out of you again. Joel had basically kept you at his house for the past week and a half like you already lived there. The only reason he brought up finally moving the rest of your stuff in today was only when you woke up this morning realizing you’d have to wear Joel’s stuff just to wash all of your own. 

You’re flat response of, “What? You suddenly decide you don’t want me wearing your clothes anymore?” Didn’t go unscathed. Only getting you a slap to your ass as Joel walked by you, muttering something under his breathe about you being a brat. If that man had his way, you’d live in his stuff just to satisfy his greedy eyes. 

Now though, your mind was flaring with hangups. The once worrying thought of invading in their lives creeping up on you. Only this time you had no excuse. You both knew he wanted you with him, and deep down you wanted it too. But being a father to Ellie was new, and you didn’t want to get in the way of it. 

Dropping the things in your hand, you turned your body entirely to look at him. Joel was too handsome for his own good, and it made you weak. Your voice came out meeker then intended, “I just want to be sure you asked me because you and Ellie genuinely want it, not because-” 

“Because you think I only asked you when you were upset? And not because I’ve been thinking about asking you every single time you go home for bed at night when I should be pulling you into mine” His face always looked serious. His soft features somehow capable of sitting harsh and stern on his face that you thought was anger when first meeting him. 

Joel’s eyes though spoke other emotions. Yearning swam through them with need, a perfect match to the itch in your muscles begging to seek comfort in his arms when you felt like this. Your head dropped in frustration. A wish flowing through you that you could just give up these urges to push him away. He has done nothing but shown you support and possibly something bordering on love, yet here you were trying to create scenarios in your head that were the opposite. 

This time when Joel’s body heat looms over you, he lets it consume you entirely as pulls your back into his chest. Automatically your eyes slide shut, leaning back into him with hands weakly grasping at his forearms around your front. His voice deep in your ear as he spoke. 

“If you want to stay here, that’s fine. I’m not demanding anything, but it’s still all on you. If you don’t want to stay with us you have to decide that for yourself. But don’t put that on me by making up excuses in your head, sweetheart.” You bit part of your lip instinctively when you felt Joel press a kiss to the top of your head. 

“Joel-”

He interrupted you, sliding his arms from your torso to rest his hands on your waist as he kept his nose pressed to your hair. Mumbling his words. “You come over when you’re ready. I’m leaving that space for you whether you take it or not.” 

You missed him already as he pulled away, the loud thud of his shoes echoing in the mostly empty house as he left. The last of his presence fading with the creaking front door and sounds of him descending the steps. 

It felt dirty, but there still was no time between Joel no longer in sound range and you bending to the ground, tearing out the loose floorboard to drag out the small wooden that lived in there. Resting it on the bed, you flicked it open rummaging through the scattered contents. Finding the leather binding at the bottom, you dragged your fingertips over it. 

The urge to open it back up and reread the text for what would feel like the millionth time once again resurfacing. The tome of writings and works that filled it once was a memory you stopped caring to obsess over. Your past was laid out out in detail that didn’t matter for a long time. Everyone had a past they wished to forget. 

So why did it keep yelling at you to remember it? Look at it again and ask of it’s relevancy to your life now it begged. But your past was only getting in the way. You’d bring this manuscript of memories to your life with Joel and it would loom over you, and it would be much harder to keep secret. 

Everything else on the bed got tossed into your bag, while the journal filled with painful memories you haunted yourself with once again got stowed away in the floorboard. Hastily being hidden back in it’s place, as if the wood wasn’t disturbed beside the rest of the floor. 

You didn’t look back at the house as you walked hastily onto the front yard, but you did however come face to face with the only other person who could do a better job at convincing you to move in then Joel could. 

Ellie sat on top of a tall rock, hands tapping at her thighs while she looked around. Her head only perking up when she saw you, but seemed to hold herself back from jumping down eagerly at the sight of your things. Instead slowly sliding her feet onto the gravel trying to keep an even tone. “Is that the rest of it?” 

Your heart tickled at how much she was pretending to be neutral. Without much thought, you slid your bag down your arm and tossed it to her. Watching with a hand hiding the laugh wanting to burst out at the sight of Ellie almost falling back onto the rock with an ‘oof’ at the sudden weight. 

Getting her bearings she glared up at you with a baby pout. “Did you pack all your furniture in here too?” 

That got you rolling your eyes, no longer bothering to hide the smile as you stepped to her. Grabbing the bag and sliding it back over your shoulder, the other hand pulling Ellie into your free side by the shoulder. “You and Joel live together or something? It’s like hearing his jokes but coming out of your mouth.” 

Ellie deciding to stay leaning into your side the short walk back to her home. “Yeah, but I’m the one people actually laugh at.” 

Your face pinched in amusement, unable to hold back what would no doubt rile her up. “Oh? Laugh at what? Your jokes or just you?” Not much strength went behind how much she shoved you, and her face falling at how little you stumbled only got you to laugh out loud this time. 

“Don’t say it.” Her tone was grumpy, much like the very man she lived with and you let the laugh go until it was a chuckle. You didn’t say it, but you definitely were laughing at her that time. Apparently you being apart of their family meant being infected with the incessant urge to make jabs at one another.

Just another thing you weren’t used too.

The evening was a little bit easier then the packing. Joel all but threw your bag onto the floor of his bedroom before crowding you up against the wall. His lips moulding against yours with his hands cupping your cheeks. His tongue licked and teased at yours without ever fully committing, in and effort to restrain his dwindling self control. 

Your hands snuck underneath the collar of his shirt to run your palms over his shoulders and the back of his neck, nails digging into the exposed skin. All you could do was surrender your lips to his kiss and hold onto him for the ride. 

As he deepened the kiss, one of your hands snaked up to rake through his hair pulling a bass like grumble deep in his chest. Joel’s knee forcing it’s way between your legs, and using an arm to wrap around your back pulling you down onto it. 

The shock against your core even through the layers spiked in your veins, a mix of a cry and a moan escaping your lips. Joel’s door not even fully closed you bit your lip harshly and dug your nails deeper into his skin to ground yourself. 

Joel however, groaned into your mouth and pushed up against you the same time he pulled you down again, slowly dragging his thigh back and forth ever so slightly. His hands strong, keeping you pressed against him, the constant pressure filling up in your lungs only able to come out in breathy pants to contain yourself. 

You both knew now wasn’t the time though. There were things to do, Ellie was up and around but Joel didn’t make it easy. A hand at the back of your head coaxing you back in every time you pulled away from his kiss. He was all consuming though, never not putting everything into his touch and trying to get away from his greediness as a challenge. 

Gently you pulled your hands from under his shirt collar, smoothing down to press against him just above the stomach as you tried to fight against his hand keeping you attached to his mouth. For a moment Joel looked concerned at you pushing him away. His grip on you turning urgent instead of needy and his eyes ducked more to lock with yours only to find softness instead of upset. 

You rubbed against his torso, and another along his cheek. Feeling his beard scratching at your skin delightfully. “Later.” 

You felt his hands pull away from such a greedy hold and simmer down to a gentle rest on your waist as he looked down at you, his lips just a tad more plump from the roughness he kissed you with. His nose rubbed against the skin of your cheek, his breathe hitting you with each soft spoken word. “What, you move in and suddenly you think you’re going to start telling me what to do?” 

Grinning, you kissed just below his ear as your thumbs stroked over where they could reach his covered stomach. “Get back to work, Miller. We got all the time in the world for this later.” You both knew the idea of Joel being ordered around by you was laughable. Whatever independence he respected whole heartedly in your everyday life went out the window the second that door closed.  You put your needs in the palm of his hands when it came to intimacy and neither of you had interest in changing that. 

The chuckle on his lips lit his face up, Joel pulled you into his side and made his way to the partially opened door. Leaning to kiss the top of your head with a mumble, “You bet your ass I’ll make time, sweetheart.” 

Finally pulling away from you Joel walked into the main room, clearly having things to go over with Ellie as you walked to the kitchen table and moved a large pack up onto it. You circled around to see the main part of the house as you pulled out an axe handle detached from it’s blade, looking a little worse for wear. Not anything that couldn’t be fixed, but you couldn’t help but wonder what on earth Tommy had been doing to bust up the handle like that. 

Strange how it still felt intrusive, glancing up to see Ellie and Joel in a whisper toned conversation you weren’t invited too. Ellie’s face bright with some kind of teasing mischief while contrasting against the much more flat faced fondness Joel was giving to her. So you looked back down. Focused on what you were doing, and prayed maybe living like a normal family would just get easier with time. 

Being in Joel’s home with him felt routine yet foreign. Like being here as a part of his life now switched a flip in your head, had you looking at this life and wondering if everyone else felt as distant as you. If someone were to ask about your previous life you weren’t even sure what you would tell them. Once haunting dreams were pushed into the back of your mind as your new life filled your nightmares with new images. 

It wasn’t as if you’d never seen anything domestic, small pockets of people for years made a life with some semblance of peace. Hell if you walked into Tommy and Maria’s home on any given day you might not even think it was a changed world outside those walls. They were normal. So why did being normal with Joel feel so odd? Especially when you knew it wasn’t his fault.

Joel had tried not long ago to entice you to bed, a deep rumbling in your ear and wandering hands that burned in it’s wake stirred your core. You were with them, with him. You chose a life with them and it seemed to have given Joel as desperate yearning for proof. Have you in his home and not worry that he’ll wake up one day from the fantasy. 

You gently pushed him back, told him you’d be there in a second. Which by now, was at least twenty minutes ago. Instead of being in his arms, your own were wrapped around each other as they rested on the soaking banister outside. It wasn’t a pouring rain, but a mist that reminded you all too well of the day you were walked into town. A defensive expression and held back silence as it slowly soaked your hair, barley beginning to dry when a door flew open and in walked a broad man with a permanent glare that for some reason found your defensive silence enticing. 

Now that glare had simmered down to a general gruffness, the past year since he arrived softened those edges, whereas the months you had been here brought struggles and unknowns into his attempt at peace. Interrupting the desire to feel like a family by having the memory of your pathetic excuse of a childhood, and how that somehow continues you to haunt your life.  Looming over your mind like a parasite. 

Or a fungus to be more insensitive. You’d smirk at your own terrible sense of humour, but honestly Ellie is the only person on earth who’d consider laughing at that and even then, you’re not quite sure how much she actually knew about it. How much did the Marlene actually tell her about her truth and what the consequences would have been without Joel? 

The light misting you had been receiving lulled you into your thoughts enough that the dim outside light flickering on startled you. Before you could question it, the door creaked open and closed as Joel found a spot pressed close to your side, arms brushing together. 

“Didn’t think having sex on the front lawn was part of the plan for the night.” Somehow his warmth still enveloped the side closest to you even over the mist. He didn’t pull you into his side or back to his chest though, he knew when to let you come to him. 

Barley managing a smirk, any joke to respond with died as you opened your mouth. “I uh, wasn’t really ready. Too much on my mind I guess.” Your jaw clenched along with your lungs tightening hoping not to give away the anxiety in your breathing. 

You could see Joel nodding in his peripherals, his lips pursed in thought looking straight ahead into the dark street as you were. His eyes weren’t quite on you when he turned his head slightly to the side, maybe enough to watch your nails unconsciously carve into the wood they rested on. For some reason, you took his silence as offence. “I didn’t mean- nothing to do with not wanting you or anything. I meant like, I’d be distracted you know?” 

You couldn’t quite see but Joels eyes slipped shut as his jaw clenched even harder with the single shake of his head. Still not looking up at you as he spoke, disappointment flowing through his voice. “I wish you’d stop doing that.” 

Finally your head turned, looking at him properly as Joel did the same to you. You raised an eyebrow at him while your lungs continued to restrict your airflow. Joel’s eyes didn’t keep the same disappointing tone of his voice. Instead they held a sort of frustration. “Making excuses for yourself. Acting like you know what I want to hear, when all I care about is what’s actually going on up here.” 

Your eyes fluttered briefly as you felt Joel’s hand smooth over the side of your head. His touch lingering a second too long but still pulling back to give you that space. Biting the inside of your cheek, you felt your own frustration build. Pushing up on the banister, your palms now sat flat atop the wet surface finally giving you a chance to take a deeper breathe. 

“Does it ever feel weird to you?” You looked over at Joel who was now giving you a questioning look, but you didn’t know how much you wanted to watch him as your continued. “Having all of this? Waking up with a normal life when the last time any of us had it was drastically different?” 

Joel had never been made quite clear on your own past, but he has been open to you in quiet moments during the night about his. What led him here, what brought him and Ellie together, how far off track his life became once everything started, and most painfully, what he lost that brought him here. You never asked about Sarah directly, it wasn’t your place but you both knew what was being unsaid.

Joel pushed up on the banister to copy your own stance, not needing to say anything about the hand closest to him that twitched slightly. “The life itself doesn’t feel weird to me. But accepting that I was allowed to have it again was. Well, more painful if I’m being honest.” 

Your fingers tingled with an urge to reach out, link at least a pinky to his but you didn’t want to interrupt him as he found his mind wandering in the forest. “Raising Ellie isn’t anything like what it was with Sarah. Our life now is completely different then the one I had with her. Getting used to that wasn’t the hard part.” 

Joel’s own hand slid over to rest over top the very wrist you had been glancing at. This time you’re the one who filled the void between words. “It was accepting that wanting it wasn’t wrong.” 

His eyes were bright but filled with a glaze that wasn’t caused by the mist. His grip tightened and then loosened on repeat as his shoulders sat high and tense on his body. “I don’t regret the way it turned out. With Ellie I mean. If you send me and her back a year when I first met her I’d do it all over again for her.” There was a pause before a tiny smirk started to grow. “Maybe be less of an asshole about it but that’s beside the point.” 

The grip on his wrist finally loosened, enough that you could see the colour returning to his skin as he spoke. “But if I’m being honest? Sarah would’ve given me shit for how long it took me to even consider trying any of this again. She was always trying to find ways to make it easier for me or to just convince me to make things easier on myself. Not sure she’d be happy that it took me all this time to actually start listening to her. To just do things for myself for once.”

Your heart filled with a sorrow, despite the love in his voice the pain would never go away. But she was right, if Joel wasn’t going to make it easier on himself then you and Ellie were there to start picking up the slack. You found your courage and reached over with a pink to lightly wrap it across his own, but Joel wasn’t having it. 

The same hand lifted up suddenly and grabbed your hand entirely, holding it firm in his warm grip before resting it back down. His thumb positioned just right to stroke the skin of your own wrist. 

You didn’t have anything to say to make him feel better, but you knew at least one thing that you knew to be true. “She’d be proud of you.” You could feel his muscles straining through this arm down to his fingertips as you took a step to the slide, pressing your body much more against him. “Everything you’ve done? She’d still be proud. You love each other, and even now that still has never gone away. And it’s never going to.”

You couldn’t bare to look at him at that moment. Already knowing how he looked, trying to old back a silent agony that threatened to water up in his eyes if he dwelled for too long. Joel barley started to speak before you refused to let him backtrack. “I’m proud of you too. I’m glad you have all this, actually found a life again.” 

He used his hold on you to pull you into him, his body taking a step back to position you right in front of him. Hands still joined now resting above your heart and his other hand keeping you against him at the waist. The shaky breathe he took stabbed a your heart. His jaw pressed against the side of your head his voice was a coarse whisper. “Then let me do the same for you. Stop pretending I deserve shit that you don’t.” 

Your heart beat harder in your chest, not quite in anxious way but with just the right amount of force that you could feel each beat like a thump. He wanted you to just stop hiding from him, and realistically? Hadn’t he seen enough of you already to know what he’s getting into? It took him weeks upon weeks to learn how to balance healing and being a father again. 

The struggles you two have been through since you arrived in Jackson months ago told him everything he needed to know. Joel knew you better then a single person before ever even wanted to try, hiding from him was useless at this point. You’re lives were intertwined and that’s the way he wanted it. So you just said what the core issue was. 

“I never had a family before this. Not a real one. I don’t know how any of this works.” Ripping it off like a bandaid. Only that rip had Joel’s hands tighten against you. 

You never had one in the first place, and his along with part of his soul was ripped away from him.  His lips pressed against the top of your head as he spoke. “Stop hiding how you feel, and you’re doing just fine, sweetheart.” 

You let go of his hand and turned in his hold. Joel’s arm moving to brace beside you on the banister once more essentially locking you in his space. Much like earlier that day, your hands rested on his stomach, palms smoothed over the soft fabric. Your eyes forcing themselves to look into his own, overwhelmed by the fondness he poured into yours. “I’m not trying to push you away. I just-” 

Joel left your waist to cup the side of your face, “Need time to get used to it?” 

Words got caught in your throat, an emotion crawling up the pipeline to escape that you didn’t want to ruin the sweeter tenderness of the moment. So you nodded instead. 

Joel tilted your jaw to look up at him before leaning down to press a chaste kiss to your lips. Your bodies relaxing as you sighed into the kiss. Letting him guide your mouth without deepening or demanding them further. 

A man truly capable of taking your breathe away with a simple press of his lips you felt lightheaded the more he kept your mouths together, but you didn’t have the will power to pull away. Instead choosing to press up against his front forcing both of his hands to steady you on your hips. 

Joel tilted his head just slightly to change the angle as his own will power cracked a bit. The brief pause you got as he moved gave him the chance to tease the inside of your mouth with his tongue. He pulled you into his hips tighter as your own hands drifted up to grip at his shoulders. 

The more you let him taste you, the weaker you made one another. You came out here alone to escape this intimacy and Joel followed to keep your anxiety from pulling you away. Not to continue what he desired in the first place, yet here you were. Both of you wanting to take away the other’s pain.

Your tongue brushing back against his only to have him pull back, his kiss back to almost a caress, but never did he try and pick up the speed. Just keeping your mouths pressed together like a surviving need. His hands begun to wander, sliding your shirt up just enough to press his hands against your skin. 

Gripping the plushness he found, Joel instinctively pushed his hips into yours unable to control the growing hardness underneath his clothes. However quickly he got you worked up from his rising touch around your sides, shirt rising more and more with it, you had him worked up far quicker with a kiss alone. You let out a muffled moan into his mouth as you felt the bulge between you two grow and rub against your own core. 

You wrapped your arms round the back of his neck raking through the damp hair as the mist continued to make moving against one another slicker. Joel groaned back into your mouth as he greedily continued to press harder against your hips. The sensation of his cock growing harder while pressed right up against you had you pulling away from his mouth just to catch your breath. 

Joel rubbed his nose gently up and down the length of yours, never bothering to open his eyes as he reveled in how comforting your presence made him. As you tried to gently brush your nose back, he playfully nudged you instead, your face pushed slightly to the side so he could continue his path tracing his nose across your soft cheek. 

Your heart lifted, floating in mid air as you let out an honest giggle. Joel kissing you once as he chuckled back. Opening his eyes without pulling away to look at your expression. Lighter then he’d seen it in days. That lightness though, turned to a jumping embarrassment at the exact same time Joel’s turned to it’s standard flat grumpiness at a particular voice behind them. 

“Back to fooling around in the middle of the night so mom won’t catch you Joel?” 

While Joel kept his hold on you, not even bothering to give you the decency of letting your shirt fall back down. Simply not willing to let go of your soft skin for that long he just looked over your shoulder with the blankest of expressions he could muster. 

“You here to watch or did you actually want something?” Furthering the deep grump look on his face, you forced his hands to leave you as you turned back to face the front. Tommy stood not too far from the stairs, one leg bent slightly and hands on his hips to accompany the bemused grin on his face. 

His hand gestured to the porch light, “Saw that was on and I figured I’d stop by to tell you there’s a few spots around the perimeter we should check out sometime in the next few days.” 

Joel’s eyes narrowed more. “That’s what couldn’t wait until morning?” His hands unwilling to be on their own, Joel grabbed at your waist under your shirt once more. Gripping the plush skin there like a stress reliever. 

Tommy himself held a bit of a serious but hesitant look as he rubbed the front of his face. “We should go sooner rather then later. Maria’s mentioned a few weird things around the outskirts that I want to deal with before it becomes an actual issue.” 

You didn’t need to look behind you to know Joel’s head was just as deep in thought as his brothers. It was often they were on the same wavelength about this sort of thing. Your own curiosity getting the better of you, you leaned forward to rest your palms against the banister again, not at all noticing how that left your ass to press up against Joel’s clothed erection just enough to tease him. His hands gripped your hips tightly, keeping you pressed there yet still paying full attention. 

You were the worst thing that ever happened to Joel’s concentration.

“What sort of things?” Tommy looked at you as he shrugged at your question. Not dismissively, but in an unsure kind of manner. 

“Just some stuff out of place, broken fence pole here and there. Nothing massive but it’d be best we deal with it now before some shithead sneaks his way in and causes issues.” 

You tried to stand back up but Joel’s grip stopped you. He didn’t even flinch as he subtly pulled your ass harder against his covered cock, his face and eyes on his brother all business. There was no mistakening his cock twitching against the curve of your ass cheeks it strained behind jeans to slide through. Joel’s voice a bit more gruff, sending a shock down between your legs as you blinked excessively to drain the sudden rush inside you from showing. 

And Joel called you the brat. 

Both brothers agreeing on a time and place before Tommy said his goodbyes. He had already turned around headed home when his voice shouted out one last tease. “Better sneak her in through the window before Ellie sees you’re still up.”

You smirked as Joel rolled his eyes. Finally alone again, Joel tugged you up to stand properly, but turned you with him towards the front door. Before you could open it though, he cupped your chin with his fingers pulling you to his mouth for another innocent kiss. 

His thumb reached to trace back and forth against your bottom lip. Pressure increasing when you gave it a tiny peck, eyes happily watching his. “C’mon trouble maker. Before the boss lady catches us.” 

His smile was just soft, pulling you in for another kiss lasting seconds longer. His lips brushing against yours as he spoke. “We’re honest with each other from now on, okay?” Your nod wasn’t enough. “I need you to say it out loud. Promise me.”

You reached up, scratching gently at the scruff of his beard. “I promise.” 

His brows narrowed as he nodded in acceptance. Joel though was always good at compartmentalizing, and a dark glint slid across his eyes as did a smirk. Teasing you with a brush of his tongue once more in the next kiss, refusing to pull away from tasting your mouth until you did for air. His voice was deep and dripping in a lust that burned your bones. “Now about what you ran away from earlier.” 

You let out a genuine surprised smile as he grabbed your hips. Pushing you towards the front door only letting go to open it, get you inside with one hand still guiding you. The second you both were inside Joel used that one hand to tug you forcefully into his chest. 

His head bent to whisper in your ear along with a nibbling kiss. “Now be good and go lay out on our bed for me.” His tongue licked and kissed along your neck that he could reach from behind. “I have other places on you I need to taste.” 

Shoving you forward you heard the front door finally close, and followed by the click of the lock as you walked towards his room at the end of the hall. Or your room to be specific. No doubt Joel was going to turn that kind of mentality into a lecturing lesson if you didn’t knock that off. 

The last time though that you ever shared a room with someone else, was before you went off by yourself. Was when you were traveling with a group in a place where there were only so many rooms to sleep in. People that turned around and stabbed you in the back, or more accurately, tried to attack you in your sleep. You were alone until Jackson. 

You hadn’t quite listened to Joel. You found yourself stuck as you sat at the edge of the bed, hands braced on your knees trying to imagine living in this room like it was yours. Small hints of Joel were everywhere but even with the things you brought over there was very little you could add to it. It still was his room to you. 

By the time Joel crept in quietly, his eyes narrowed at your eyes distant looking at nothing. Your fingers tapping at your legs the only movement you were making. He knew talking more of it out right now wouldn’t help you. You were lost in your head enough as it was, especially the past week and a half. 

Sitting down and coaxing uncomfortable truths more then you’ve already shared today wasn’t the answer. No, Joel needed to do something for you that he knew you weren’t going to even consider doing for yourself. He needed to get you away from your thoughts for a while. 

Ironically, Joel so naturally did for you what Sarah had insisted he do for himself. Stand back and stop thinking for a little while.

Your eyes slid to the side to see his figure near the door. You could hazily see him pulling off his flannel leaving him only in a soft grey tee shirt. Turning your head to look at him more you were caught on the shirt rather then his determined expression. Joel just looked so soft like this. No stiff posture at the ready for any moves, no layers bulking his already large and intimidating frame, no weapons strapped to either of you braced for the worst. 

No words were exchanged as he stepped to you, his fingers pulling your chin up to look at him. His brown eyes were dark and lost in a thought of his own, but Joel was better at juggling his life and his mind then you were. You stretched your neck up to meet his body leaning over you. 

What you assumed would be a gentle kiss consumed you as soon as your lips met one another. Joel’s hand grasped the back of your neck, keeping you angled up at his will. His kiss was harsh, much harsher then anything earlier in the day. 

He moved against yours demanding you obey him, even through how much he stole your breathe away. A large hand grasped at your hip as he worked in tandem with you to push further onto the bed and pushing your body down entirely when you reached the middle. Climbing up on top of you, his hand drifted up to cup the back of your head as his tongue teased you without ever following through. 

Trying to pull away, you drifted to his neck without ever keeping you mouth off of him. Small kisses turned to scratches of your teeth before you bit down with more force. A stuttered groan left him as his body seized up. The hand on your head leaving to press into the sheets beside you curled into a fist.

You could feel the coarse brush of his facial hair against your cheek the higher up his neck you bit at, but it felt as if it heightened your greed to give more to him. There was no amount of Joel’s roughness in appearance or nature that you didn’t bask in. It just scratched against you, fueling your own need to lightly lick at whatever your teeth just sunk into. Ease what roughness was imprinted on him even by you. 

Too distracted by the low needy sounds he tried and failed to hold back you didn’t realize his hands had moved. It wasn’t until he yanked your pants half way down your thighs did you even realize he undid the button and zipper. You gasped, pulling from his neck to see dark eyes and his mouth slightly open from harsh breaths. Using to fingers he tapped at your naked thigh, “Up.” 

Nodding you gave him enough room to slid it down further and watched as he hastily yanked it the rest of the way off and tossed them behind. His brows were narrowed and his face much sharper then when you were outside. For a second Joel just stared at you, raising an eyebrow waiting to see if you cooperated. 

Hesitantly, you bent your knees up on the bed, your feet flat on the sheets as you spread them just slightly before Joel with one hand pulled your underwear off. The sound of a strain in fabric heard from the lack of patience he had to wait for you to lift your hips up once more. Tossing them even further then your bottoms had reached. 

Whatever distance your legs spread wasn’t anywhere near what he wanted. Joel pushed your knees apart and wasted no time filling the empty space between them. Brushing his lips over your inner thigh, his hands braced on them as well tightly. His facial hair itched you the closer it got to right between your legs, but paled in comparison to the sudden sharp bite he dug his teeth into. You gasped loudly, but the sound of his hand leaving your other thigh to smack at the skin echoed louder. 

Trying to move your legs to give his broad shoulders more space, Joel shoved them for you, straining the muscles as he pushed them beyond what you could stretch yourself and kept them there by pushing his shoulders into the space. “I’m the one doing the work here, got it?” 

His nose traced a path from the top of your mound down to nudge at your clit instead of expecting you to reply. Your nerves sparked alight as he licked your clit, the most feather light nibble next and then another lick. Working you with a sting and a smooth pleasure that had you floating. 

Your feet strained and fidgeted against the sheets as he refused to let up. His path started to take longer, as he left shamelessly mess kisses down the length of your pussy before licking back up to your clit. Nothing but a tease that built up such a coiling pleasure that you were left with barley any thoughts to form into words that weren’t him. 

The deeper he teased his tongue into you with every swipe down, the more he peeked up to see your hands either tearing into your hair or grasping at the sheets below. You didn’t know why you felt him smirk into your folds, but it made you whimper at the sensitive movement. 

If you asked Joel why he did, he’d have nodded to your hands ever finding a place to stay. Joel had no issue with greedily running through your hair as you sucked his cock, but you never found the same courage to reach down and rake yours into his when he went down on you. One of these days he’d finally corrupt you enough, get you to take whatever you needed from him. 

For now though, his hands pushed your thighs now as wide as possible before finally tasting inside of you like he needed. Your hips jolted and your legs strained under his grasp as he licked into you leaving no spot inside untouched. 

Your voice only strong enough to mutter a breathy almost inaudible, “Oh fuck” as his mouth worked you over aggressively. One hand of his slid up over your thigh to just above your mound. His thumb pushing down against your clit and rubbing circles, up and down, anything he could muster while the rest of his hand and arm pushed your hips down significantly. 

Shaking in his hold as he lapped up what you gave him, seeking those prized spots inside of you that had you throw out moans without any filter. The pressure against your pelvis increased how sensitive his work on your clit felt, made you burn the more his mouth tasted you and sent your vision white and ears ringing before you could understand how quickly your orgasm approached. 

The coil inside of you tensing you with pleasure, you didn’t even hear Joel. None of his rasping words hit your ears. You may not have noticed, but your brain did. A warmth flowing through your veins and had your moans desperate and bordering on almost emotional, but it was muted from your consciousness at the warm lick of Joel’s tongue inside you. 

Together it all mixed, and with no true warning, Joel’s hands quickly grasped at the sides of your hips and held you firmly in place as you came. Nothing but needy cries from your mouth, but Joel refused to leave your cunt until you grasped onto him to make him stop. 

You felt shocks at your core at how little he eased up on how aggressively he licked and tasted you after your orgasm started letting you go back down to earth. “Wait, J-Joel, fuck,”

Sliding his greedy mouth back up the length of your core and back to the same treatment he teased you and your clit with at the start, but without any care of how sensitive and soaked you were now. He wanted you to tell him what you needed. Even if it was just to breathe, for him to ease up on your overstimulated pussy for a moment, he needed you to tell him what it was you needed from him. 

You trusted him to take care of you, but he scraped his teeth at your clit trying to coax you to be honest about how you wanted him to take care of you. You pleaded with no real meaning behind it, a cry for him to understand. He did. But he wanted you to know what you wanted. 

It was too much, your brain was foggy and his mouth between your legs was more then you could handle. You started to feel a lurch in your chest and finally it spurred you to reach down. Not even thinking about it, you instinctively raked your hand through his hair and begged. “Joel please, I need a minute. I can’t-” 

One single kiss was pressed to your clit, and Joel pulled away from you. Your eyes were shut, finally able to catch your breathe. His own breathing hitting your face, nose gently rubbing against your cheek as his face leaned over yours. One hand stroking your other cheek and his body laying over yours. His weight pressing you down like a weighted blanket to keep you calm. 

“I got you, sweet girl. You still with me?” His voice strained but soothing. You nodded, feeling Joel kiss your cheek and turning your mouth to press much more gentle against yours. His lips coaxing your heart to slow down to normal finally. 

You slid your arms around him, happily keeping him pressed against you for a while. You nudged your nose against his as you scratched your nails into his hair. “Let me take care of you.” 

Joel shook his head no. Kissing your lips, then your forehead before pressing his against yours. “That’s my job, sweetheart.” He smiled at your brows narrowing along with a pout on your lips. 

“But-”

He kissed you once more, “How about you just keep me nice and warm for a while?” 

In your still far away brain, you didn’t quite get what he meant but you nodded anyways. You trusted him, and all you wanted was to say yes for making him feel good too. He shushed you gently when you reached out for him. Eyes fluttering open to see him taking a moment to shed the rest of his clothes before crawling back to you. 

Joel turned your body to the side, his face in your neck as one hand trailed down to his cock that was pressed up against your ass. You lifted your leg slightly and Joel pulled it back to rest over his, “Up here, that’s right, good girl.” 

He chuckled to himself at the shiver rolling through you at that one. Gently he swiped his cock over your soaked entrance a few times before pressing his chest against your back. Sliding his cock inside of you, there was no resistance to his thick size so soon after having his mouth on you. 

Whimpering slightly, you reached an arm back to wrap behind his neck and Joel kissed the side of your head. You barley could turn to see even part of his face with your eyes struggling to stay open. “Like this?” 

Joel pulled you as close into him as possible, you gasping at the shift of his cock inside of you fitting so snugly. “Just like this, sweetheart.” 

Neither of you moved for a bit, but your limbs felt heavy despite the delicious way his cock filled you even so still. Your head moved further into the pillow as your voice was sleepy. “Joel, I don’t know if I can-” 

Joel’s own eyes were closed at that point. Pressed a kiss to your hair and pulled you as close as he could get you, trying to control himself at your walls clenching around him. “I’m happy just like this.” Your eyebrows narrowed despite your eyes themselves sliding shut like his and you weren’t surprised Joel somehow sensed that. “Just for a little while.” 

That little while wasn’t exactly true. It took little time for you both to fall asleep. Joel only having enough strength to pull the sheet up to cover your naked bottom half before he fell asleep. His arms tight around you, and your pussy tight around his cock. You two would tackle anything heavier another time he decided. 

Though, that wasn’t quite true either. In fact something else entirely would come creeping up on you. But for now, you tried to balance between letting him in, and letting go for yourself. 

It always annoyed you when the weather was like this. The sun bright and clear as it beamed down onto the street, giving the illusion that it would feel warm as it baked into your skin. But instead you were left with a crisp chill in the air and enough snow that forced you to shovel off the platform you were currently on. One of your legs sat tucked under your body as the other hung over the edge, scattered wood sat to the side of you. Holding up large screws up to the sunlight, one eye squinting as you tried to make out how in shape it was. 

Maria had all but thrown a carrying case at you not long ago when she asked “You know much about bows?” Your eyebrow raised in question but you nodded. 

“I know enough.” 

Suddenly you were catching a heavy bag with pieces clanked inside of it. “You can keep them if you have the patience to put them all together.” 

Now here you sat, the limbs of two bows scattered as you tried to find which parts were the right fitting attachment. You had hardly paid attention as you looked back to the pile, tossing the screw aside with a huff before looking through the assortment that had just sat loose at the bottom of the bag. Not hearing anything coming up to you, your head shot up eyes sharp in alert as a heavy foot gently kicked at the foot dangling over the platform edge. 

It was severely unfair of Joel to stand there, the sun shining down on him in just the perfect way that lit his skin up with a glow, and reflected off of the scattered greys in his hair. Nothing even close to a proper winter jacket for how cold it had been getting sat on his person, a stark contrast to your similar one that barley kept you from shivering. At least Joel ran warm enough that it didn’t matter for him. 

One of his hands reached out, pulling a limb up towards him as he tossed it mindlessly in his hand. “Finally getting that storage closet cleared out?” 

Your face twisted slightly as you turned the screw in tight enough to strain your hand. “Yeah, some old recurves. Not in the best shape, but I figure they’ll do the job well enough.” Reaching to the side you came upon nothing, realizing Joel had the other limb. 

Reaching out for it, Joel pulled his arm back as your hand flailed to nothing. Your face fell flat, mouth pressed in a thin line as Joel’s eyes swam with amusement. Deciding to lean his legs against the concrete, he relented. Giving you the limb, and crossing his arms over his chest as he now watched your focused work. “You shoot with a bow often?” 

Shrugging, you noticed him reach over your lap to grab the second bows parts. “Somewhat. I was in an old shooting range for not too long. No guns let, obviously, but the inside shop still had a couple kinds of bows laying around. One of the guys in our group tried teaching me to use the crossbow, but it didn’t really work for me.” 

Starting to slid the string into place you noticed Joel was much faster at putting it together then you had been. “Their reload time’s the problem. If you’re just out hunting that’s one thing, but not exactly my first choice for close quarters.” 

Watching him work, it always pinged inside of you how easily Joel put together things. How seamlessly he would work like he didn’t even need to think about it. His hands large against the thin handle didn’t help the matter. “You think your aim’s still on par?” 

Diverting your eyes up to his face, once again you felt that distracting pull. His handsome features trained on you with a warmth that if you let yourself, could envelop you completely. “Probably a bit better. Didn’t really use guns back then and we didn’t stay there long. So I’m either pretty good,” 

“Or pretty shit.” A smirk falling on both of your faces as you rolled your eyes to the side, pulling the bag over to you to pull our the arrow bundles. Joel relieving you of the one on your lap, he held them up side by side, and looked back over to you with an inquisitive expression. By the time you looked back over, he was holding out the one he had put together. “That one feels a couple pounds lighter, it’ll be a better fit.” 

Jumping down suddenly, Joel found himself watching your side carefully. He knew at this point it was mostly healed over, the bloody torn open skin at the least. Enough time had passed, but Joel also had yet to see what remained. For the past two weeks Joel hadn’t seen you wear anything besides long sleeves more then once maybe. 

If he took if off you, it was only allowed in the dark. Otherwise, no one but you were allowed to look at it. He was starting to understand why you seared the one on your arm. A burn mark was easier to look at then what lay hidden underneath. It was easier for you to never have to see it. 

Now though? There was no chance in hell he was going to do the same to your side. He refused to harm you at all, let alone that badly. He also just couldn’t handle your reaction. Something like that would have you screaming in agony, and there was no part of Joel’s heart that would be able to handle that. 

Waving you to the side, he grabbed the longer bundle and had you follow him more out back. No one around but a few empty crates just strewn over the ground. Putting a hand out to stop you in your tracks, Joel walked over to a low hanging tree branch and hung one of the small lighter crates over the thick bark. 

Turning to you, it struck you as a challenge. His eyes glinting in question, and hiding his smile as he walked back when you started pulling off the tie keeping the arrows together. “Easy enough.” 

Gently placing the bow in his hands down, he walked up to your side head close to yours. “You remember your form?” Was he rumbling deep near your ear on purpose or was it just a demanding yearning in your heart that particular day? “Show me.” 

Turning to the side, Joel watched silently as you loaded up and aimed. A shaky breathe leaving your lips, and letting your hold go. Sure enough, you felt your shoulders sag as it just barley missed that tree entirely. He didn’t say anything, but you felt the embarrassment regardless. “Just a warm up is all.” 

Joel let you get as far as loading the arrow before starling you with hands on your waist. “Feet turned all the way to the side, just like that.” Guiding you to face almost entirely to the right with only your upper body twisted to look. 

His hands had you buzzing under all those layers. You swallowed down that feeling, but only made you aware of the beating in your heart. His hands never left you, just stepping in closer so his chest hovered close to your back. “Thumb away from the front.” 

It took you a moment to even hear what he said, so Joel showed for you. Grasping your fingers and pulling them into position away from the open air. “Right, uhm, yeah.” That was well spoken wasn’t it? 

Trailing along your arm Joel once again held both sides of your waist as you let another breathe out before trying again. This time it hit the tree, but too low and off to the side. Your jaw clenched, trying to hold back a growing upset. Two misses in a row, now you were just feeling embarrassed and stupid in front of Joel’s watchful gaze. 

This time the warm rumbling was right in your ear, Joel’s hands sliding down to hold tighter at your hips as he pressed his back into you. Feeling your body mould into his front without any thought, stammered silently trying to come up with an excuse. Joel however took a much more comforting approach. “Shhh, relax sweetheart. There are no stakes here, take your time it’s just me.” 

Looking down to the snow below your feet, you could see Joel’s own all but beside yours as if to keep you locked in place against him. Pulling back, Joel’s hands moved up to straighten your arm out. “It’s not a gun, remember? Arms straight, not locked.” 

Once again keeping his touch burning you as they slid back down to your hips. Your heart was beating harder, but you also felt Joel’s chest rising and falling in tandem with your own breathing. Maybe if it weren’t for the jacket, you could feel Joel’s doing the same. 

Taking your time to aim it up right, you felt his grip on your hips tighten before he muttered to you once more time. “C’mon baby.” 

Your heart jumping in your chest, you let go of the arrow on instinct, watching it slam into the crate with a crack as it jostled it somewhat in place. Joel pulled you into his chest close this time, purposely leaning into your neck to press a kiss there. You should feel elated, but you just shivered at his lips. 

“That’s my girl.” You tried to smother the little smile on your face but of course he saw it. You didn’t see his face full of pride, and his eyes trained entirely on you instead of accomplished target. 

“Impressed?” 

To you, it was just a joke. Not meaning much other then a tease of your lack of skill, but Joel always kept you on your toes. “With you? Always.” 

Hands sliding off of your body, one of them trailed along your lower back causing your eyes to flutter for just a second. His gentle touch still took getting used to. Watching him reach up with no effort to pull it down, he looked over to you as you yelled playfully. “How about you show me how it’s done this time, Miller?” 

Bringing out a tiny competitive streak in you was an aspect he had grown to love. Never in anything of value, but always competing with Joel for the smallest things. His eyes always eventually sliding over to something darker the further in you got. 

This time though, there was none. He just hit his target on each pull, leaving your mouth slightly parted and eyes bright with awe. His own form faced where you stood near a back wall. Brown eyes sharp, with his features turning harsh as he slipped into his focus. 

It wasn’t lost on Joel when he faced you again, the look you were giving him. A warmth flowing through your veins at how effortlessly skilled he was, continued to be at so many things at that. His mouth in what could be mistaken for a frown, you knew really held a concealed need. 

His body hovered over you, reaching around you to put his bow down as his fingers danced across your body as he pulled it back. Using them to nudge your chin up to look him in the eye, you felt your limbs itching at the need to explore over him. Your name mumbled from his lips he leaned in close, breathe hitting your cheek. “Do I get a consolation price, or do you want me to just pick it out for myself?” 

A laugh left you at how quickly he turned from a desire to grumpy. Your hands reached out to the top of his waistline, tapping across the belt buckle that you could feel under your fingertips caused his stomach to twitch at how close you moved your touch already. But then someone from around the front called your name. And Joel’s face fell to annoyance. 

Smiling genuinely at him, you reached up instead to lightly trace your thumb over his facial hair. The coarseness always scratching at your palm, riling your own insides up. “How about you think on it and let me know?” 

Pulling your chin close, Joel pressed a kiss to your lips. A surprising passion behind the force of his lips, his tongue just barley teasing you before he pressed a smaller chasate one to you. “You should get on back. I’ll handle all this.”

Your brows furrowed, your brain stirring at him cleaning up something that you made. “I can do it, it’s fine.” 

Ever the stubborn man, he just kissed your forehead before nudging you away from him to make you head out. “Go.” His voice deep and stern, you nodded before turning away and made your way back around to the platform. 

Telling yourself the whole time that you’ll get used to it. That the nerves flooding your bloodstream when he was that close, with his hands so greedily on your body would slow down eventually.

You weren’t the only one though, grappling with the very same problem. Joel was still accepting being given a chance for a life he never imagined he’d come close to having, or even wanting ever again. It forced him to stand back and reacquaint himself with emotions he’d assumed were long past what he’d get in this life. Feeling like a father again was a fight with his own trauma, but on the other side? Having you was just as much as an anomaly to him as he was to you. 

He genuinely couldn’t tell anyone the last time he had something anywhere near this. Even his realization of how he felt about you hit Joel with an intense force. Shutting himself off from that kind of feeling a long time ago. Giving up that care for closeness or intimacy just as he assumed he would never be a whole person again. So in a way, he was very much like you. Used to being alone. 

Joel knew however how different your approach to it was. You had always been out there. Traversing land that to everyone else, was a risking mission to navigate. But it was the only way you’ve known since it begun. He’s not even sure you’ve ever seen inside any zone. Preferring not to rely on strict and rigid dependency on one of those cities. But it also left you on the outside of so many people, most of the people Joel knew now. 

It was like a need that neither of you realized was missing. A person to lean on. Someone to understand the turmoil in your head and fit perfectly in the dark void of your heart that needed that support. Even if it took Joel this long to see it. To see that he wanted someone like that, well, not anyone if he was being honest. 

You stuck out to him from the start. That day he sat you sitting at a counter with a fierce gaze bracing yourself for whatever rough demeanor he walked in on may bring down on you. A burning thought in his mind that trailed back to you the longer he was around you until it led to now. Standing under the warm stream of water listening through the walls to your voice moving about the house, knowing your feet will eventually take you to here. 

His hands smoothing over his hair to let the water rush over his face. You didn’t bother calling out to him as you walked into the bedroom. The thin walls enough to let you hear one another, but Joel’s hands itched to have you in his reach. Debating on calling you to him first. It had been years since he even wanted a woman in his arms, but now it was as if his agitation only grew when you weren’t exactly there.

Your fingers tapped at the dresser, gaze locked on the light peeking through the bottom of the door with warm steam flowing out and enticing you in from the cold outside. You could just shut the door, or even walk away from this side of the house completely but your skin also begged you to at least rinse your face with a splash. 

It was foolish to assume maybe you could sneak in and out without Joels warm cadence pulling at your heart to join him. Creaking the door open quiet as possible, you stepped quietly in and shut it just as slow. It took about ten seconds to realize how stupid your assumption was. 

“We gotta work on how to be sneaky on top of your aim now?” Eyes closing, you braced your palms flat on the sink edges. Biting the inside of your cheek you wanted to resist getting caught in the trap. 

Grabbing a small cloth, you let the smallest bit of water run over part of it to not skyrocket the temperature for him. “You making fun of me for it now? I knew you were just showing off earlier.” He chuckled as you ran the rough fabric over your face, at least giving you some reprieve. “Pretty of you, Miller.” 

“Alright, I’ll give you that.” About to run the cloth over your cheek, your hands paused mid movement at what was inevitable. “How about you join me then? Let me make it up to you?” 

You suspect he heard the slight thud of your hand dropping down onto the sink, cloth laying partially in it was you avoided the shower curtain beside you and the mirror just above you. The soft inner workings of your heart warmed at just feeling him against you, but the other reckoned you weren’t going to convince him to do it in the dark. 

The lack of response went on too long, causing you to startle a tad at the sound of the curtain being pulled back just slightly. Handsome features beautifully on display as his hair was slicked back, flat against his head as opposed to the curling volume that always seemed to be perfect. Just the top of his chest was exposed as well, broad shoulder down to his strong, sculpted arm keeping the rest of him mostly covered with the curtain. 

You couldn’t help but smile, shaking your head as you looked back down. “Not much in the way of time.” Just as he opened his mouth, you turned your head back with a playful smirk and a finger pointing in his direction. “You and I both know you’re not going to just make it quick.” 

Sharing a quiet laugh together, he beamed at you with gentle eyes. Not just one with a want, but one that radiated more of a need. A softness that you knew both of you were itching deep in your bones to share. Looking at nothing around the room, you gracefully came up with a fair excuse to deny him. 

“I just- uhm...” That should do it. No more of a convincing argument that having none at all. 

Your arms had crossed around your stomach, shifting eyes sliding back to him as your name fell from his mouth. “Just for a little bit. Long enough at least to take care of you, just in here.” Joel was never pushy, but he wasn’t just thinking of taking care of you. You knew the brightness in his eyes were silently asking for you to let him just hold you. 

Fidgeting on the spot, you glanced down to where your arms covered your lower torso protectively, once again biting the inside of your cheek painfully as you exhaled shakily. “Hey,” Joel calling for you to look up once more, his brows a but more furrowed then before as his face sat more serious. “I’m not trying to beg here. Just because I’m asking doesn’t mean I’m going to force you even when you’re uncomfortable.” 

Teeth changing places to bit your lip harshly, before shaking your head. “No, I know. Just...” Once again glancing down to your torso you muttered, “Give me a minute, okay?” 

A deep hum vibrated in his chest, “Take your time, sweetheart.” 

Shower curtain closing, leaving you back in privacy. Taking everything else off was no thought. Folding everything into a neat pile off to the side, before it was just your shirt and underwear left. You caught your gaze in the mirror and turned cowardly. Flipping around you pulled off your bra from under the fabric, and sliding down your bottoms to join the rest. 

Colours flashed through your eyes as they squeezed shut, your throat forcing something choked up back down to the pit of your stomach. The blank wall in front of you did nothing to ease the anxiety, but you did it anyway. The shirt not even being given the care to add onto the stack. It landed in a light flop somewhere unknown as you swiveled to look at the curtain. 

From what you could tell, Joel stood near the shower head, so your slow pace aimed to the back where he had poked his head out. If you thought more about it you’d risk talking yourself out of it. So you gently pressed on, pulling the curtain back and stepping in. 

The sprays of water and steam were warmer then before, Joel no doubt turning up the temperature to what you preferred as he called ‘scolding’. 

Joel’s back was large and broad, sprinkles of water dripping down it as he kept his face turned from looking at you. Giving you the space to come to him. While your sigh was masked by the overpowering water, the colder touch of your hands smoothing over his back had Joel’s eyes flutter shut as his jaw clenched to keep from sighing out at the feeling. 

You needed a chance to feel comfortable around him like this, and the feeling of your gentle touch on his rougher skin tugging at his heart would only make you feel rushed to get a move on. So he stood, hands spinning the bar of soap in them instead. 

When you were a child, you had a blanket that was heavy and fuzzy. A soft weighted blanket that helped your troubled little brain to get to sleep easier. It’s feeling on your hands when you curled it into your front always brought you comfort. Tracing your fingers over Joel’s back felt just like that. 

He was the thing now that quieted that noise. And it wasn’t lost on you, that you were the same for him. Running down his sides, you hovered as they reached his waist. Taking a step forward, you rested the side of your head into his shoulder blade and pressed closer to him. 

Joel took the reigns from there. Grabbing your hands and pulling them around his middle, keeping his fingers as much with yours as he could, while he leaned his own head back. You rising your forehead up just enough to rest against each other. 

You’re heart beating enough for him to feel, but his warmth against your front lulling you a quieter state. Losing yourself in how he feels. A few minutes had passed before you unwrapped your hands, grasping the soap from him and pulling it back to you. 

Joel’s head started to turn, but you grabbed at his waist as a warning. He kept his head slightly turned to the side, but not enough to peek at you. “I’m supposed to be taking care of you.”

Lathering up the soap in so it foamed all over your hands, you smiled at what clearly was the sound of a pout in his tone. Resting the soap on an edge, you stood on your toes to reach his ear. “And whose taking care of you, Joel?” Not waiting for an answer, you pressed a kiss just below it and finally started to slide your hands over him. 

Every now and then you pulled back just enough to gather more soap, but you gently washed at his skin almost in a massage. Joel’s shoulders sagging as his arms braced themselves against the tiles. You leaned your chin over his shoulder, pressing another kiss to the untouched part of his jaw you could reach before gently pulling one arm closer to his front at a time. 

Joel’s eyes never looking away from your hands carefully moving over him, almost grasping his fingers just like before as you scrubbed them too. If you both didn’t feel so lost in the melancholy washing away to a serene quiet, one or both of you would have let a tease slip from the smirk on your faces as you knelt down close behind him. 

Neither of you though had that kind of energy in their veins at the moment. Joel keeping steady breaths as his eyes stayed shut, trying not to let whatever emotions bubbling up in his chest overwhelm him, where you were focused on letting the only touch he felt to be with gentle care. You could reach the front of his legs from here, treating the muscles from calf to thigh with the same massaging rub as you liked to do with his back. 

But you couldn’t reach his chest, and both of you knew that. The only way to do that for Joel was for him to face you. So once again, you hovered at his waist. “You don’t have to-” 

Instead, you kissed his jaw once more. Pressing your front against his back once more, “Turn around for me. Please.” 

You didn’t look at his face. Not yet ready to see where his eye line was looking at. Instead you focused on the task at hand. His chest broad and strong, but a softness as it goes along all the way down to his hips. You stared at his chest for a while, not even noticing the soft smile on your lips as you just traced your palms back up closer to his collarbones. 

Joel ran his hands over your hips, voice low in your ear. “You going to let me do what I called you in here, or what?” You nodded, not looking at him still but he pulled your chin up with his fingers, pressing a short kiss to you. “I’m gonna need the soap to do that, sweetheart.” 

He chuckled as you rolled your eyes, smacking the bar playfully into his open hand. Turning you by your shoulders. “Turn around for me.”

This time you had enough haze leave your head to let it slip this time. “What? No bend over to follow that up with?” 

Joel pinched your hip, muttering “Smartass,” into your ear. His own back kept the heavy stream out of your own face. Where he needed the hot water rushing over his face to drown out the loud yelling inside his head surrounding his heart with this intense feeling he didn’t want to scare you with. You needed to stay calm and open, just letting the steam clear your lungs to keep your breathing steady. 

His touch wasn’t as massaging, but thorough. Spending as much time as he could to run his hands over you as he washed you over. Joel’s hands though, were a bit more greedy. Taking the chance to grasp at your ass, a handful tight in each hand before rubbing around to your hips. 

Not turning you just yet, you felt him gather more soup and stepping so your back was pressed right up against his chest now. Both lathered up hands moving from yous shoulders to cupping your neck, pulling your head back onto his shoulder with it so he could kiss you. 

This time his lips matched his hands, greedy and teasing your mouth with his tongue while he gave the same treatment to your breasts as he did your ass. He smirked almost mischievously into your lips as he did so. 

His did though, stop his path just above where he knew made your heart pound. Your eyes straight forward now as you barley let any air move through you. Whatever your arm looked like when you had done it, your side looked worse. 

Jagged marks that you knew were once teeth had left scarring rips in the skin, and the ripples around it once cracked and bloody now sat flat but stark against your skin. The one on your arm didn’t bruise, but this had. Deep purples that had you sick to your stomach now shaded in yellows and greens as the stitches healed the wound shut for good. It still made you sick. 

But Joel, smooth his hand over it, first running back and forth before stopping, only letting his thumb do the smoothing over as your breathe hitched. His taller frame loomed over you enough to see the instant build up what could turn into tears at his touch. A large hand pulled you by the side of your head into him, pressing a kiss to your hair. Keeping you right there until he felt your body twirl its tense rigidness. 

Crouching down, he prompted you to turn to face him now. Removing his hand only to race his nose along the scars kissing whatever looked like it had been the most aggressively painful. You felt almost lightheaded, a choke rising in your chest. Giving you a kindness that you never thought would come to you for something that left you with nothing but pain and anger. Something no one had ever treated like it was just another part of your skin he wanted to adore. 

Your heart slowed, Joel pressing his forehead into the scar. Not even realizing, your hand naturally gravitated down, raking through his wet hair until you found a place to keep a gentle hold on. Nudging at it with his nose once more time, Joel looked up at you with his brown eyes shining. 

Your chest flamed and roared with turmoil, did you recognize this intensity in your heart? Was it a word that you were ready to share with the only person in your life who’d ever been told it by you, or was it all just too much in one time? Making your heart lurch in so many emotions. 

Either way you held a hand out to him. His large one encasing your smaller hand in his, the other braced on the scar without moving. Wrapping your arms around his neck only again threading your fingers through his hair, now soaking once again with water. “Thank you.” 

Little space was left between your bodies, leaving little room for Joel to find your eyes. “For what, sweet girl?” 

But you just smiled, shaking your head. “Just, for you.” 

It would be later on in the evening that Joel was inevitably called out. Food still on the table, you had stepped out onto the porch to go over a few things with Tommy who’d stopped by earlier. And who Joel had unceremoniously kicked out after having his own plate raided by his brother of all people. 

The front door was still open, but kept just enough for a small cool breeze inside, your voice muffled with Tommy’s when Joel casually looked over at Ellie. His own face fell flat at the pointed stare she was giving him. “Are you ever going to tell her, or do you want me to just do it for you?” 

Raising his eyebrows, he leaned his elbows onto the table with a squinting challenge on his face. “And what’s that exactly?” 

A childish grin grew on her face as he regretted goading her in the first place. “That you love her? That you’re deeply, madly, head over heels in love-” Her mock interrupted by a little yelp of protest as Joel pushed the side of her face away with a nudge of his palm. 

“Yeah, yeah got it. I regret asking.” Ellie wasn’t wrong, not in anyway was she wrong about that. But neither you or him were simple people. Your heads and lives filled with complexities not always easy to speak out loud. “It’s not...time.” 

Looking back at her, she huffed. Pushing food around on her plate to distract herself from the fact that she wasn’t going to keep eating until you got back. “Is it ever going to be time?” Her face wasn’t as playful as before. That yearning to all be together wasn’t carved deep into Joel’s soul alone. 

Joel pulled her as much as he could from their seats into his side. Pressing a kiss to the side of her head, the same heavy weight in his chest as the one in her. “When she’s ready.” 

The two of the had more to say, but Ellie scrambled to look as casual as possible when the shut of the front door echoed. Knowing nothing about what they talked about, you stopped in the middle of the door frame eyes narrowing at how guilty she looked. 

Joel smiled though, shaking his head to dismiss it as nothing more then goofing around. If he kept going at this rate, you’re relationships going to come full circle. Tommy or Maria spilling the beans to you for just how in love with you he was. If he wasn’t so determined to go at your own pace, he may have just given up and let them. 

Night fall blanketed fast over the sky, and the rest of the sailed by in peace. A feeling that tomorrow would be laughing at all too soon. 

You had agreed to join Joel and Tommy in the early hours the next morning. A stark chill in the air still cold enough to see your breath in, and a crispness that could sting if you were out in it too long. You were on your own, checking out some other areas while the two of them looked over the existing areas of interest. 

It was the footprints that caught your eye. Footprints in a secluded area that you know any of the people here didn’t hang around in. It looked like multiple at first but as you knelt down it was clearly one set that had been in this area for a while. No tracks led up to it, so they must have arrived either in the dead of night or just before dawn when the fresh snow fell down. 

All of them faced in the direction of town, all of them looking in the general vicinity of visible houses that you knew included Joel and Ellie’s. Your hand that had been keeping the gun strap your arm steady tightened. Your eyes scanning around you as you slowly stood up. 

Luckily for you, not enough snow had fallen yet to hide the prints so obviously trying to look conspicuous. Head towards where you knew Joel and Tommy had been in when you separated from them. If they were hiding out here, chances were they were sneaking on the outskirts for as long as possible. 

Can’t hide from someone who used to do the same thing. You traveled alone for a long time, something that required you to be watchful and stealthy. Following the weasel to their current position wouldn’t take too much effort in this weather. It was what you’d find that was the unknown. 

It was the same building that you first sat in where Joel and Tommy stopped by. The heater worked best in there, and they typically went over things inside there before the day filled up with people. “I’m gonna heat it up before you forget too.” Lucky for Joel, Ellie was more insistent about staying warm then he was. 

By the time he and Tommy arrived, Ellie was already toasty and sitting along a counter waiting to be let in on their talks. She didn’t do much for now, but Joel preferred to have her with them and listen or watch. Let her watch and she’ll give a hand when she’s ready. 

Ellie looked behind them as they walked in with a furrow in her brow, asking your name. 

Shrugging off his own weapons he laid them on the counter space beside her. “Went to go look for anything that might have shown up overnight. I’ll go look for her if she doesn’t show up soon.” He walked over to where Tommy laid out some simple blueprints for the outer security, palm resting flat on the table with the other on his hip as they made scribbles on the already marked up paper. 

Ellie narrowed her eyes at the rifles next to her and hopped down. Grabbing both she occupied herself with hanging them by their straps onto a safe part of the wall close to the back room hall. What she didn’t notice, was the click of a window lock at the end of the clearly empty hallway. 

Nothing was over there and she didn’t think anything else. Just walked back to the main room, arms crossed to hide her hands deeper into her sweater and leaned against the wall reading the spread out work on the table diligently. 

Part of Joel had to tell himself to focus more. Despite the sun barley peeking up when he woke up, it was still too late in the morning to do anything about how addictive it felt to wake up inside you. He really didn’t mean to fall asleep the entire night like that, but there was something that pinged deep in his heart to have you that close to him at both of your most venerable. 

You both had to get up and head out though, only enough time to tease you when he pulled his half hard cock from your somehow still wet pussy and leaving a few bites at your neck to pull a gasp of his name out of you before separating entirely to get dressed. He teased himself though, because now all he wanted was to find a time during the day to pull you home and throw you onto the bed like he really wanted too. 

He just wasn’t as focused as he should have been. Tommy was doing most of the talking, better at forming a plan in his head when he voiced it to his brother and so him noticing was less then likely. 

No one was even faced the right direction to see the down the hallway. It was closer to the front door then the table they stood around, so no one saw the gentle slide of the same window that clicked unlocked earlier. A single gloved hand raising it up as slow as possible to keep the sound down and moving just as slow as the figure raised up to bent over it. 

First one leg went though to straddle the frame, hovering over the floor to make sure the sound of their shoe stepping down wasn’t heard. Just as slow they ducked their head and torso inside and climbed in, not bothering to stay low as their final leg joined in. 

Their body only turned to the side enough to reach the window, and slid it down shut even more at a snails pace then to open it. Their head never turned to look at what their hands were doing. They were watching and no chance were those eyes going to go anywhere but the target. 

Joel was tied between the talks he and Tommy were discussing, and wondering how long it’d take for you to get there. Having you move in might have been a bad idea, because now Joel had the biggest excuse to be weak. Something deep in his mind wanted to just be selfish and drag you back to your bed together and keep you there because now it didn’t matter how long you he kept you there. 

His fingers scratched at the wood on the table as his eyes looked over the paper mapping out what path he’d walk to try and catch up to you. You were quiet and inquisitive, if something caught your eye you had a tendency to let it occupy your focus and forget to update anyone. It was cold this morning, and it was early and part of Joel was just feeling greedy to keep you with him today. 

No one noticed. The front of the door was lined with a map and a strip of carpet that followed the length of the counter before tapering off into the wooden floors of the main room. Any movement was quiet if the person didn’t move so quickly or suddenly. 

Facing away, the backs of Joel and Tommy were the only main vision in sight of the figure, but crouched onto the ground to keep from being clear and in sight put Ellie somewhat in their eye line. She was smaller though, astute eyes currently trained on the two men she looked up too. Without knowing anything about her, it could be assumed she was too weak or cowardly to even do anything if she looked this way. 

Joel only just so happened to glance up, asking Ellie a question. “We’ll head over there later and I can show you how to set that up, okay?” His voice was soft and genuine, but his eyebrows raised along with a darkening of his eyes at her sudden distracted face. 

Ellie was good at paying attention and her current distraction was wide eyed. Bordered on a shocked surprise and not in a good way. It was a way that had Joel’s heart lurch in his chest, and Tommy seemed to see and feel it at the same time. 

Joel and Tommy didn’t turn around right away, it felt like as they did it was in slow motion. It wasn’t even the split second they saw Ellie’s expression that caused it, it was the echo in the empty room that clicked loudly. Distinctly. 

Ellie’s hand shot out and grasped the fabric of Joel’s arm like a crutch as both men turned to the noise behind them. But it wasn’t the approaching footsteps finally reaching the wooden floor that was what they heard. 

The three of them looked to the front of the room at the unmistakable sound of a cocking shotgun, one set ready to fire at any time. Whipping around though, the figure on the ground didn’t do it. The figure on the ground wasn’t even a face they knew. 

A man stooped crouched onto the ground, with both hands just barley risen into the air in defense, never having a chance to grab at whatever he had stored in his pockets. Behind the unknown man was the source of the loading shotgun. 

Not a foot behind him, you stood with the weapon steady in your arms aimed at the back of the figure’s head. Your eyes steeled in an unblinking harshness Joel had rarely seen on you. 

The man didn’t dare move, but in a tone just above a whisper, threw out a plea. 

“I’m just here to talk..” 

If you and Joel had one thing that refused to get in the way of how you felt about each other? It was that no matter what was about to happen you and Joel knew that whatever the consequences would be? You and him were in it together no matter what. The deep yearning in Joel’s heart to tell you the true extend of the love he could barley keep hidden from you anymore would have to wait, or at least find a way to show you despite whatever was about to come of this.

You didn’t blink, nor did your readiness to fire change. The man’s eyes widened in what looked like fear as he heard your voice cut through sharply into the silence. No joke or lightness in your voice, and the familiarity of it had the already caught the man in a trap of what he had walked in on. His face showing to all three of them that he was doused in the freezing water of shock and fear, at the realization who was at the other end of the shotgun.

You only had one response for the unknown man.

“Is talking really all you’re here for, Owen?” 

[gxbbyhoneybadger]

The Dis-connection #4

Pairing: Joel Miller x !F!Reader

Summary: More trouble lays ahead for Y/n and Joel, especially when two other people join their team. But it leaves a rather odd jealous feeling in Joel when one of the them begin to flirt with Y/n. The two continue to reminisce about their past lives together, but perhaps reminiscing is all they should allow it to be. . .

Warnings: adult language, blood, guns, knives, trauma, character flashbacks, scarification, arguments, sexual tension, heavy makeout session, smut, oral (F receiving), fingering, unprotected sex, rough sex, cock warming.

Minors DNI 🔞 18 below the cut.

Part I, Part II, Part III, Part V

--

Joel made sure he was first to cross the edge of the building, Y/n was about to, but Joel denied it. "We're okay. They can't see us." Joel said, Y/n was close behind him as they climb into a window. Until a man grabbed Joel and headlocks him. "Joel!!" The kids gasped.

"Oh, shit." Joel grunted, Y/n jumped through the grabbed the man—ramming her knee into his side. Ellie and Elliot both charged at the man but they're knocked down. Surprising the man when he saw the children.

"What the fuck?" He muttered, "Sonofa-" Joel overpowered the man and Y/n throws him down on the ground. Joel grabbed him and throws him more punches into the sides.

"Joel." Elliot said as he hit the man.

"Y/n!" Ellie yelped as Y/n pulled out her knife to end the stranger.

"Wait. Wait!" The man said.

"Guys, stop! Look." Elliot pointed at another young boy who held a gun at them.

"L-Leave him alone." The boy said. Y/n slowly raised her hands and Joel backed away. "Easy, now. Just take it easy." Joel repeated.

"It's alright. They're not the bad guys. . . Lower the gun. . . Man, you hit hard." He groaned while sitting up, "Did she knee me?"

"Yeah, well, we were trying to kill you." Joel replied. "Yeah, I thought you were one of them too. Then I saw you. If you haven't noticed, they don't keep kids around. Survival of the fittest." He commented as he looked at Y/n.

"You're bleeding." said the boy. "Ah, it's nothing." The older one said, "I'm Henry. This is Sam. I think I caught your two names was Joel and Y/n?"

"Ellie," "Elliot, this is my little sister, Max." The two greeted. "How many are with you?" Y/n questioned. "They're all dead." Sam said. "Hey, we don't know that. . . There were a bunch of us. Someone had the brilliant idea of entering the city, look for supplies. Those fuckers, they ambushed us. Scattered us. Now it's all about getting outta this shithole."

"We can help each other."

"Ellie."

"Safety in numbers and all that." Elliot added. "She's right. We could help each other. We got a hideout not too far from here. Be safer if we chat there." Joel saw Henry's eyes linger on Y/n as she put her gun away. "Take us there." Joel muttered.

"Follow me." Henry said.

~~~

"Here we are. Welcome to my office." Henry said as they all entered the office.

"How long have you guys been holed up in here?" Ellie asked. "A few days. We found a bit of food, though. Here." Sam said as he led the kids to the couch.

"Blueberries. Found a whole stash of 'em. You want some?" Henry asked the two adults. "I'm fine." Y/n said. "No." Joel added. "Hey, relax. We're safe." Henry assured. "So why haven't you left?" Joel inquired as Y/n sat on the desk to rest her legs.

"Been waiting for the right opportunity." Henry replied. "And how's that been going?" Y/n asked. "Here. Check this out." Henry walked to the window and showed them the hunter checkpoint on the street below, "Look at these sons of bitches. Everyday they congregate down there, guardin' that damn bridge. Come nighttime, it's down to a skeleton crew. After sunset, that's our window. With most of them gone, sneak right past them."

"That could work." Joel muttered. "Oh, it'll work. It'll definitely work. . . Wow. . ." Henry sighed as he looked back at the kids playing with blueberries, tossing it up and catching it in their mouths.

"Pft! Ready?" Elliot smiled. "Ow." Ellie laughed when the blueberry hit her nose. "A blueberry hurt you?" Sam chuckled while Max giggled beside him.

"It's been awhile since that boy even cracked a smile. . . They don't seem bothered by all this." Henry said. "So where were you headin'?" Joel questioned, avoiding going on further about the kids. "Heard the Fireflies are based out west somewhere. We're gonna join up with them." answered Henry as he sat down, Joel sat in front of him as well.

"Tch, yeah." Y/n mumbled. "Somethin' funny?" Henry asked her. "I see and meet a lot of people who put their stock on the Fireflies these days." She replied. "Yeah, maybe there's a reason for that." Henry responded. "So you don't know where they are and you're just gonna drag him across the country to find 'em?" Joel wondered.

"I tell you what, how about I worry about my brother and you worry about your kids?" Henry said with defense. "Easy. We're looking for the Fireflies too." Joel continued. Henry glanced at Y/n who was staring at him with a emotionless demeanor; he sighed and digged out a rudimentary map.

"This is us. There's an abandoned military radio station, just outside the city. Any survivors from our group were supposed to meet us there tomorrow. You and your group, you want to join us, it goes down tonight." Henry said.

"I guess we best rest up then." Joel said. Y/n shook her head and walked away from the men towards the kids. "Get some sleep. We're leaving soon." She said before opening her bag to hand Max her stuffed bunny. Elliot opened his bag for a blanket, he helped Ellie make a small area to sleep in and Sam chuckled as Max showed him jokes in sign language.

"I thought you two were together." Henry muttered to Joel, who's eyes flickered towards Y/n as she covered Max with a blanket on the couch. "No. . . We ain't." Joel whispered. "How old is she?" Henry mumbled. "I don't know." He answered.

It made Joel think of her age now, he was four years older than her. "Probably in her late forties." Joel said as he laid back in his seat. Henry looked back at her as she backed away from the kids. "She doesn't look like she's in her forties. I thought she was at least thirty or in her twenties."

"What are you two talking about?" Y/n cut in. "Nothin'." Joel answered, Henry grinned at Y/n as he stepped closer towards her. "You really got me this morning." He said. "Thought you were a hunter, til I saw your brother." Y/n responded. Joel looked at the two as Henry leaned on the desk, "I was telling Joel here that I thought you two were a couple." Y/n held back her chuckle as she held her hips. "No, we're not. We don't see eye to eye, we can barely stand each other as well." Y/n answered, "Let's get some rest."

Joel had looked away as he started to close his eyes. Beginning to feel his drowsiness seep into his body, it didn't take long for memories to come flooding back.

~~~

Joel felt Y/n's warm body molded against his own. He was hugging her from behind, he let his lips press kisses along her bare shoulder and up towards her neck. She let out a relaxed sigh as he continued to trail kisses on her skin. "Mmm~ Joel. . ." She moaned in her pillow. His warm hand grazed down her side and towards her thigh. "Never got to thank you for last week's wake up call, baby." He whispered with a huskily tone.

Her skin was so warm under the blankets; he held her thigh and gently spread her open. "Joel~" she whined, he kissed her lips as he slowly laid her on her back. "Don't worry, baby~ Let me do the work for you~" his southern drawl did wonders on Y/n. She shuddered when he got on top on her and slowly kissed his way down her body.

Lips kissing over her throat, neck, collarbones, breasts, ribs, stomach, navel, her mound then on her inner left thigh which made her gasp. "Mm~ What's this for, cowboy?~" she whispered while running her fingers through his dark hair. "I told you, never got to thank you for the other time." He smirked—he let his tongue lick a stripe up her wet folds, a moan befell her as she gripped his hair not too tight.

"Oh, Joel~" She whimpered. She was so beautiful like this to Joel, open and vulnerable to any touch of his. She desired him as he desired her. No one could pleasure her like Joel can, and he knew it. His tongue swirled around her clit before he sucked on it while using his fingers to penetrate her tight walls. She sang his name like a song as she arched her back, attempting to quiet down to avoid waking the kids who were spending the night here.

"Mmm~ J-Joel~ I can't—" she bit her knuckles to stop her moaning, her thighs threatening to clinch around his head as he devoured her like a man starved. His beard dragged pleasurably across her skin and soaked petals as his tongue tasted every inch of her womanhood. "You can, baby~ C'mon, do it~ Cum for me, doll~" he drawled out. She squealed in her hand as she shoved his head deeper into her walls, he groaned as he grinded against the bed for any relief for his straining erection. Her orgasm ripped through her nerves as her desire soaked the bed, Joel didn't waste a drop of her liquids. Drinking it all down before he pulled away to look at her messy yet gorgeous face.

Her breasts were coated with sweat as she slightly panted for breath, her thighs shaking as he softly ran his hands up and down them. "You alright, doll?" He asked. She nodded her head as she stretched her hand out for him. He hovered over her as she brought his face down to kiss her, not caring that she could taste herself on his lips. "I love you, Joel~" She whispered.

"I love you, too, Y/n." He kissed her cheek and grinded against her sensitive core. "Baby~ I have to make breakfast for the kids." She mumbled. "Just real quick?" He pleaded as he lowered his mouth to suck on her right breast. "Mmm~ I want to, they're gonna wake up at any second." She softly groaned while rolling her hips against his.

"C'mon~" whispered Joel, she growled as she forced herself to resist his begging. Kissing him one last time before reaching over and grabbing her shirt. "I gotta cook. When your brother comes to pick them up, then we'll try to continue where we left off." She giggled—sliding on her shirt as Joel sighed. He got off her and let her sit up to grab her sweats, "Why do you keep teasin' me like this?" Joel said as he slid on his pants.

"I ain't teasin' anyone. I just have something called responsibilities." She smirked as she walked up to him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, "And you say I'm teasing you? Joel, have you looked in the mirror? Every single time I see you, I just want to bring you to bed and have you ruin me~"

"Guess we both have somethin' in common then." He lowly said to her as his hands held her waist before sliding down to her hips; their lips were just inches away from each other. "Guess we do, cowboy." He brought his lips to hers while she stood on her toes to reach him. She squeaked when she felt his erection against her body, "You gotta get rid of that, Joel." She chuckled as she drew away from his lips. "Ain't my fault, see what you do to me."

She scoffed while rolling her eyes, "Use the bathroom, I'll try to be quick." She added as she left the room. Joel couldn't hide his grin as he slipped on his shirt, already hearing Noah's dramatic yawn turned scream from across the hall. Sarah was already laughing as she ran into Noah's room to tackle him. "Sarah, no, no!" Noah shrieked.

"Take it easy on him, Sarah. He can't handle your strength." Joel joked as he walked past the room, Sarah was already dragging him out of bed, "It's Saturday! Just let me slee-!", "We're going to the museum today! I. Don't. Want. To. Be. Late!" Sarah growled with each tug she made at Noah's ankle.

When Joel made it downstairs, he saw Y/n already working on pancakes, eggs and bacon. "Pick your poison, Joel." She said as she laid out four plates on the table. "I think I know what poison I want to have." He chuckled as he hugged her from behind, "You owe me now, sweetheart." He whispered in her ear before lightly tapping her rear. "Joel!" She gasped with a shocked smile, just as Noah chased Sarah downstairs.

They had began to eat their meals as Noah chatted on about his basketball game coming up, Sarah was making fun of his skills in soccer. "You have experience, I don't, alright!" Noah huffed. "You still tripped over a ball, how do you manage to trip over a ball?" Sarah giggled. "Says the one who can't throw a ball." Noah snickered before Y/n pinched his arm, "Ow!"

It just made Sarah laugh even more. "So. . . Are you datin' my dad?" Sarah asked as she watched Y/n and Joel, who almost choked on his coffee. "Ew! No! No, he can't date my mom!" Noah defended. Y/n sarcastically gasped as she looked at Noah, "Oh, what happened about you always teasing me about Mr. Miller coming over to visit?" She replied.

"Wha-?! That was a joke! Mom, if you date him that makes her. . . family." He croaked out as he pointed at Sarah, "She's a demon in disguise! You two don't even see it! Ever seen Drake and Josh? She's the reincarnation of Megan!" He screeched, his voice cracking mid-sentence. Y/n covered her mouth as she tried so hard not to laugh, Sarah was giggling even more as Joel chuckled. "So what if we were together, you wouldn't want me as your stepdad?" Joel asked Noah who nervously turned his face away to not look at him.

"It's not that. . . It's her! She's always dragging me out of bed, purposely kicking the ball at the back of my head. She's gonna put me in a coma one day." Noah mumbled. "Didn't you push me into the pool?" Sarah reminded him. "As payback for the time you poured ice down my pants!" Sarah scoffed and added: "Says the one who ripped my poster-", "By accident!"

Joel shook his head while Y/n nudged Noah's foot. "For your information, you two." Y/n looked at Joel and held his hand, he squeezed hers as he set his mug down, "Yes, we are. . . seeing each other. And we've been very happy since." Sarah's face was astounded, her jaw open as she slowly grew a smile and looked at her dad. "You sly dog!" She laughed, "Yes! I knew it! Haha! Noah, you owe me fifty dollars!"

Noah groaned as he let his head drop on the table again, "Dang it. . .", "Are you two gonna get married-?", "No!" Noah gasped as he glared at Sarah. "We don't know yet, kids. For now, both of you get dressed for the museum, Sarah you can run through the backyard, it's shorter than going all around the house." Y/n smiled as she collected the plates, Sarah tagged Noah before zooming to the door to put on her shoes.

Noah ran after her outside and into Joel's house next door. Y/n set the dirty plates into the sink before being lifted and placed on the kitchen island. "Joel!" She gasped, he kissed her with a burning passion as she groaned in his mouth. He held her head as he kissed her neck and nibbled her ear, "Last night or this morning wasn't enough?" She breathlessly asked. "Last night we had to take it easy cause of the kids, and I didn't get my fair share this mornin'." He growled.

"Oh fuck~ Joel, you have no idea what you do to me~" She mewled. "Mom, is my backpack in the living room?!" Noah yelled as he ran back to the house, Joel and Y/n immediately separated from each other as he bursted into the house. "I forgot where I left it." Noah panted as he searched behind the couch. Y/n looked at Joel and scoffed, "Just wait until they leave." She whispered to him before sneakily groping his rear.

Joel withheld his groan as she kissed his neck and walked away.

~~~

The ladder had snapped on the side of the semi truck. "Okay, we gotta get them up!" Elliot said as he prepared to reach down and help Joel and Y/n. Max was panicking on top as Hunters rammed through the gates to get at them. "Ah. . . I'm sorry. We're leaving." Henry said suddenly as he grabbed Sam's wrist. "What?" Sam gasped. "What? This is bullshit!" Ellie said. "What the fuck-?! We can't leave them!" Elliot yelled.

"What the fuck, Henry?!" Both the teens yelled as Henry took off with Sam. "Oh shit." Joel muttered, Y/n ran to a garage door and started to lift it up, "Joel, come on!" Y/n growled. He ran to her side to help as Ellie, Elliot, and Max all jump down to run with the adults.

"We stick together." Ellie said. "There's a bridge nearby! We can cross it and hide! We gotta hurry." Y/n said as she and Joel opened the garage door for the kids to run inside of. On the run as hunters chased after them, Joel kept up with Y/n as she climbed and ducked under debris and abandoned cars.

"Fuckin' open it! Go! There! They're running to the bridge! Go, go, go!" The hunters yelled. "Joel!" Elliot shouted. They manage to slip past the impediments, only to find the bridge has been broken. "Oh shit." Y/n said, "Those fucking raiders blew it up, this was one of our crossroads!" Y/n snarled.

"Oh, shit." Joel huffed. "Oh, fuck." The teens whispered. "How many bullets do you have left?" He asked Y/n. "They're gonna kill us!" Ellie said. "What other choice do we have?" Joel questioned as the truck rammed into the blockade.

"W-We jump!" Elliot suggested as he looked over the edge of the bridge. "No, it's too damn high and you can't swim." Y/n told him. "You can't swim either?" Ellie muttered to Elliot who shook his head. "I'll boost y'all up, and you run past 'em." Joel explained. The humvee rams the blockage, sending some cars over the edge and into the water.

"Oh, shit!" Elliot yelped. "You'll keep us afloat!" Ellie said. "Ellie." Y/n warned. "No time to argue!" Ellie yelled as she and Max ran and jumped off the edge, Elliot was close behind them and into the river. "Kids! Ah, damn it!!" Joel shouted as Y/n jumped alongside him.

The current was shockingly strong as he thrashed and carried them all down. "Joel! Y/n!" The kids screamed as Max tried to keep her small body afloat. "I got you!" Joel grunted as he swam towards the two teens who were trying to reach him. Y/n dove under to swim faster and grabbed the panicking Maxine who was sobbing and trying to breathe. " Oh shit-! Joel! Rock!!" Y/n shouted to warn him. "No, no, no, no-!" Joel said before he and Y/n both protected the kids by taking all the impact against the boulder.

Both of them losing consciousness.

~~~

"Oh fuck! Oh fuck! Joel!~" Y/n moaned as she was bent over the counter as Joel held her down. Her legs quaking as he slammed into her, his grunts loud as he gripped her hip with a bruising force. "Yes!~ yes! A-Ahh-! Harder, please!" She begged—hearing Joel let out an airy laugh as he pulled her up to press against his chest. "You like this, huh?" He growled into her ear. He thrusted deep inside her and stilled as her eyes rolled to the back of her skull.

"Y-Yes~" She mewled, holding his arm that was gently wrapped around her shoulders. "Tell me what you like~ Tell me." He commanded as he groped her breast; she bit her lip. "I-I love it when y-you fuck me h-hard-Ah!" She yelled. Joel was repetitive with his quick and hard thrusts, he split her open in all the right places. Joel was rough when Y/n wanted him to be, he knew she had limits and would stop at any time she wanted him to stop. She didn't care about it, all she cared about was being satisfied by him, the bite marks and scratches proved it.

Y/n winced when he pulled out, she turned to look at what he was doing only for him to pick her up and push her up against the wall. "Ngh! Yes-! Right there!" She moaned in his ear as she clenched her legs around his waist. She dug her nails into his back—he grunted before kissing and sucking a bruise on her neck. Her back beginning to arch as she sensed her orgasm growing within her core; Joel was about to break, their hot bodies rubbing against each other while their sweat mixed together. It was only them in the house, Joel moved his hand to begin circling her clit to hear more of her beautiful noises.

Y/n gasped as she reached her orgasm, Joel let out a broken groan when he felt her walls squeeze around his cock. He felt her squirt all over his lower region and drip down his thighs, small grunts came from her clenched teeth as he sped up his thrusts. He was there, he squeezed the globes of her ass as he cummed deep within her. She felt ropes and ropes of his desire fill her, a shattered whimper came from her as she slowly released his shoulders of her nails.

Joel rested his head on her shoulder as he calmed his breathing. "Are you dead, Joel?" She mumbled in his hair before kissing his head. "If death feels as good as this, darlin', then absolutely." He whispered—pressing soft kisses to her new hickey on her neck. "You're gonna be the death of me, Joel if we keep having quickies like this." She chuckled. Joel scoffed and carried her to her bed, lying her down as they remained connected.

"We're fucking each other like rabbits." Y/n laughed, "We gotta take it easy before you have a heart attack." Joel held his head as he smiled at the joke, Y/n hugged him as she snuggled against his chest, her thigh hooked over his own. "You make me feel like a teenager again, y'know that? All I wanna do now is you." He smirked. "Oh my—did you think that was a pickup line or something?" She giggled.

He laughed while pulling her impossibly closer to him, nuzzling his nose into her hair as they both relaxed in each others embraces. She traced his side with her fingertips as they stayed quiet, "Baby." Joel whispered, "Hm?" She hummed while touching his bicep. "You're so beautiful." Y/n giggled in his chest, "So you always say." Joel pressed a kiss on her lips while holding her back closer to him. "I mean it. How'd I get so damn lucky to meet you?" He questioned.

"Don't know. You have your ways, Mr. Miller." She muttered, "And I love it."

~~~

"Henry! They're awake." Sam said as Y/n gasped, Joel grunted as they both sat up. "Hey, guys. We're alive. We're Okay." Ellie smiled. "Scared me to death." Elliot said.

"See? What'd I tell you, huh? He's good. Everything's fine. You know, Sam's the one who spotted you. You guys had taken quite a bit of water when-" She coiled her fist back before landing a blow right into Henry's face. Joel shoved him back and snatched his gun out of his hand before aiming it at him. "What the fuck's wrong with you?!" Henry grunted.

"Henry!" Sam gasped. "Get back, son!" Joel warned Sam, Y/n unsheathed her knife and walked closer to Henry. "It's fine! Hey, hey, hey, hey. . . They're pissed but they're not gonna do anything."

"You positive about that?" Y/n snarled. "Stop!" Sam and Elliot said. "Joel." Ellie muttered. "He left us to die out there." Joel reminded them. "No. You had a good chance of making it, and you did, both of you did. But coming back for you meant putting him at risk—Stay back. If it was the other way around, would you have come back for us? I saved you two." Henry explained as he looked at Y/n and Joel.

He saved us too. We could of drowned. Max signed with her hands to Y/n. She took the gun out of Joel's hand and tossed it back in the sand. "It's fine though. I'm okay. Y'know, for what it's worth, I'm really glad we spotted you. Now, that radio tower is on the other side of this cliff. Okay? Place is gonna be full of supplies. You're gonna be really happy you didn't kill me." Henry said.

"Yeah, we're not going that way." Y/n said. "What-? It's the shortest way there." Henry added. "Short but deadly. I've seen the infected in there, and with the seven of us, one of us will definitely won't make it out. I know where to go. Follow me." Y/n ordered. Max glanced at Elliot before running right beside Y/n who started to walk away.

"She's knows this place pretty well." Elliot said as he followed along. Henry looked at Joel and started to go after her. "How do you know where to go?" Sam asked her. "I've lived out here for years, kid. I know secret tunnels and hidden passageways to avoid people and infected."

"You know secret tunnels?" Elliot questioned. "They were made by my group." Y/n answered. "The Jaguar's?" Ellie said. "Yeah. . . I need to check in with them anyway." Y/n sighed. "You're a Jaguar?" Henry inquired, "Who are they?" Elliot looked at Henry with a shocked expression. "You don't know who the Jaguars are?"

"We'll talk about it later." Y/n cut in, "Over here." She said as she approached a fallen truck that was overgrown with vines and leaves. "What are we doing now? We climbing over it?" Ellie asked. Y/n opened the back door and entered, turning on her light as she removed a plank covering the ground and picking off the brush on top of a secret entrance. She opened it and started to climb down the ladder. "Be quiet and stay right behind me." She told them.

The kids looked at each other before one by one they started to descend the ladder. The long tunnel stretched out for a while, Y/n tucked her gun into the holster on her thigh as she started to walk down the manmade path. Henry was confused and taken back by the surprise. "Does anyone know about these?" Henry asked Joel. "I don't know. . . I didn't even know these existed til now." Joel replied.

The men went for the guns when they heard men laughing from afar, "Someone's here!" Ellie whispered. "Don't panic." Y/n said, Max slipped her small hand into hers and held on. Y/n slightly hesitated but continued forward holding Max's hand. Henry made Sam walk behind him as they walked. Joel guarded Ellie and Elliot behind him while they moved, Y/n wasn't bothered by any of it.

"You hear that?" A stranger asked as footsteps started to run towards them, "Who's there!?" A voice shouted as three men came running with guns aimed at them. "Calm it, cubs." Y/n sighed. "How'd you find this place?" One of them asked her. "I helped build this place. I'm one of you." She answered.

One of the men nudged his shoulder and said, "Search her." One stepped forward and pulled open her button up flannel to search her body, Joel stepped forward to stop the men from violating her, but the third man aimed at him. "I'm fine, Joel. This is just protocol." Y/n said calmly. "She's marked." The man said when he backed to the side to let the other men see.

"Oh-", "Boys, do you not know who she is?" A man said from behind them, "Y/n! It's been what, a year since I've seen you?", "Two months, Jeremy." Y/n said as he shook her hand. "Who are these people, you smuggling them?"

Y/n nodded her head before handing him her bag, "Something like that. We need to pass through, trying to head to a nearby tower for these two." She said while glancing at Henry and Sam. "Any reason why?" Jeremy hummed. "They have some stuff there. We wanna avoid the infected in the town."

Jeremy nodded and stood aside, "You know the way, I'll let the others know you're here."

~Y/n pov~

"Shut the hell up." Henry said as Joel chuckled. "Dead serious. It was Tommy's birthday. That's all he wanted to do is just—rent two Harleys and drive cross country." He continued. "Ah, man. I could die happy if I could just drive one around the block. What was it like?" asked Henry.

"It was good. It was real good." Joel replied. "Good? Can you believe this guy, Y/n? C'mon, man, gimme details. Describe it." Henry added as I sat against the wall away from the two.

"You know what? You three deserve a little privacy." Ellie said as she stood up. "No, no, Ellie, Ellie, this isn't just any regular motorcycle, okay? You get on that bad boy, you feel that engine. Nothing like it." Henry smiled at her.

"Oh yeah? How would you know?" She asked him. "I've seen it in my dreams. . . Vroom, vroom, vroom!" Henry laughed as she scoffed and walked away, "Okay." Ellie goes to the other room where the rest of the kids remained. "I don't think anyone from our group's gonna show up." Henry sighed. I looked at him and caught Joel's eyes on me before he looked away. "Yeah." I heard him mumble. "Worst part about it all—explaining it to Sam." Henry continued.

"He's a strong kid. He can handle it, you have to in this world." I muttered while starting to sharpen my hunting knife, "I lost my group. Some of us were split up by hordes of infected, rest of them were killed by people. . ."

"How did you manage to survive?" Henry asked me. My fingers tightened around the hilt of my blade as I kept sharpening it. "I wasn't alone at first, I guess. . . Had a couple of. . . friends. But a few years into this world, we ended up breaking apart, surviving on our own. Sooner or later, a stranger helped me find those men in the tunnels. I became one of them."

I could feel both of their eyes on me as I set my knife down and reached for my shirt, "They were checking my body for this." I opened my flannel and revealed my bare abdomen to the two men. The bottom left right above my hip remained a small symbol of a Jaguar that was permanently carved into my skin.

"This is our mark, our initiation into the Jaguars. It hurt like hell when they started to cut into me, but look at how far I've come." I chuckled before buttoning up my flannel again. I looked back up and saw Joel's eyes glance back at my face, as if he didn't believe that I carved something into my skin.

"Best decision I've made." I commented, "I'm gonna get some fresh air." With that, I stood and walked to the door and exited the tower. I walked around the edges and rested my arms on the railing to look at the view. My mind couldn't stop thinking of Joel. He's changed. So have I, but. . . That's what I've been terrified of. Whenever I see myself in a mirror, I could see my father.

His scowl, his cold eyes, his intimidating demeanor. Everything about me reminded me of him. The way he'd speak and treat people, even think of them. It brought my mind back to Noah—. . .

I winced thinking of that name, shutting my eyes tight as I held my head with my hands. It's been decades since it happened, since it all began. . . Yet, I can't get rid of his blood in my hands, I could feel it still. No matter how hard I try to wash my hands clean of it, it follows me around like a shadow. . . It's like chains that were permanently sealed around my limbs.

"Ain't you cold?" I heard Joel say. I opened my eyes and almost let out a chuckle when I remembered the last time he said that to me. Twenty years ago. "I'm not." I whispered. Holding onto the rail as I straightened myself up, I saw him come into view beside me. He held the rail himself as he stared off into the distance. "I didn't know about you joinin' the Jaguars. . . Or the markin' part." He muttered. I ripped my head and watched the sky.

"We all had to make tough decisions. Especially in today's world." I answered. "Is that why you don't go around FEDRA, because of that mark?" He asked. "Uh huh. . . they think we're allies to the Fireflies. But really, we're just stuck in the middle between it all." I replied.

"What did you do for the last fifteen years, Y/n?" I paused and bit my tongue as I rethought of my past. I turned my head and looked at Joel, this time, fully seeing his hazel colored eyes, just like how I remembered them. Only this time, more matured and aged, but in a good way.

"A lot of things, Joel. . . A lot of shitty things. The first month I left, I joined FEDRA, I learned a few tricks from them before I left again and rejoined the hunters. Stuck with them for another month or two before I found Frank. He and I found the Jaguars, it wasn't his cup of tea and he wondered off and found Bill, meanwhile I stuck with them and let them brand me as one of their own. Ever since then, I've been exploring the outside. Robbing, stealing, trading, killing, hunting, hiding, running, or what everyone calls it. . . Surviving." I explained.

"You know where Tess always got those pills from?" I asked him as I continued to watch his expression. "You traded with her. . ." He mumbled. "I did. She told me that she met a man, her partner, she'd say. Said he was a useful and professional at getting the dirty work done. She didn't even have to say his name for me to know who it was. . . I saw you in the QZ before, but you didn't see me. I saw you with her, you got over us, and started with her, your relationship with her. Or your partnership, whatever you want to call it."

"Why didn't you-?", "Because it would make everything worse. We already have bad blood towards each other, Joel. And now, here we are, working together to deliver these kids to the Fireflies across the damn country." I pushed off the rail and stood on my own while crossing my arms over my chest. "I just didn't want to see you. You or my brother. Just like how you don't want to see me either."

"I didn't mean it like that, Y/n. . . We were both. . ."

"Both what, Joel? Tell me." I said. He let out a sigh as he leaned back on the rail. "We're both. . . grieving." He whispered the last word lowly, I almost didn't catch it. "Bullshit." I scoffed, "I got over it. I forgot about it. I moved on.", "Now that's bullshit." He said back as he glared at me. "Excuse me?" I growled.

"You heard me. I see how you look at those kids. How you try to act like you don't care about 'em-", "Shut your mouth, Joel.", "Admit it, Y/n. You still aren't over what happened-", "You aren't. I know how you feel about Ellie.", "Don't bring her into this-", "Why not? You're bringing him into this, aren't you?" I hissed.

"See, this is why we're better off separated. You always gettin' my damn nerves and I get on yours. We can barely go a damn day without wantin' to go for each other's throats." He retorted. Rolling my eyes as I turned away from him, "Fuck you, Joel." I said. "Same to you." He replied.

I flipped him off as I walked to get to the door before I end up punching the shit out of him. My blood boiled at the thought of looking at him again, I knew I would in the morning, but I also knew he was right. I wasn't over it, and my heart was starting to grow attached to those kids—Ellie included. And it burned more knowing that he was right.

I built these walls for years, but they're crumbling down every day and every second I'm around them all. My fists were clenched so tight, I could feel my nails digging into my palms painfully. I reached for the door handle only for Joel to snatch my wrist.

"Joel, don't even fucking try it. I am this close to knocking you-!" I choked on my sentence when I felt his calloused hand on the side of my neck and his lips on mine. Oh, how badly I wanted I throw him over the edge of the tower, but also how terribly I wanted to feel his body on mine. A suppressed need, no, lust for his touch, it felt like a wave of nostalgia and senses had washed over me.

I hugged his shoulders and pulled him closer. He licked my lower lip and I granted him access. Our hot breaths were mingling on each others, I tasted the bitter coffee on his tongue, his beard sensually brushing over my lips as I arched my body into his.

I came back to my senses when his hand grazed over my marked hip, then suddenly Tess' face appeared in my mind—I shoved him back and covered my mouth. Joel looked taken back by my action, he raised his hand to touch my arm by I smacked it away. "Don't." Was all I said before leaving him outside.

Fighting, bickering, wanting to feel that touch that I felt before everything I knew had been ruined. Arguing and feeling that urge to be the winner of anything just kept pushing the image I knew that I had already become.

______________________________________

Part 5 coming soon!

[survivor-marieta-islands]

Episode 4: "Tell me why i power nap for 6 hours and wake up to the vote being for me"—Ellie

Sin Sazonar

Tanner

Adeline seems to be on my side if we lose challenges but I don’t think we will

Adeline

I’ve tried to be a little more active recently but it’s v hard hehe. Got some talking in today tho with Trinica, hairie, and tanner

Shawn

Okay I don't know I'm not loving how everyone wants to bow out. Like puzzles are fun, this is supposed to be a fun game. And people want to bow out instead, because they don't feel confident in it. Like that doesn't matter, have some confidence, we can't all sit it out. I understand I HAVE to participate, but I said repeatedly before that I was so down to do this. I play online puzzles for fun, I feel good. It takes me around 3 min per puzzle but I can get that down further if I concentrate.

Trinica

My tribe is truly driving me nuts with challenge strategizing. Why did Shawn suggest I sit out after I did so well in the other challenges? Why would we not sit out someone like Tanner who has already shown poor challenge performances in the past? Why, when I suggested we rate ourselves and simply sit out the worst two, did everyone AGREE and THEN ARGUE ABOUT "WELL TANNER REALLY WANTS TO PLAY"??? okay but i really want to WIN y'all ;___;

AJ

Puzzles? In a Raffy Season? Madness.

--

In all seriousness though I do believe we’re going to lose this challenge. Current normal tribe time is around an hour - I have heard nothing from Tanner and I do worry about that. My only hope that we win is that someone is mysteriously super good at this puzzle and finishes it in under ten minutes otherwise we….we lose. I mean I feel like we’ve already lost - this really and truly was and is our challenge to lose. But I’ll go to sleep, and what happens when I wake up happens.

Arvin

I sat out of the challenge because I'm not really confident in jigsaw puzzles, and it seems like everyone is not gonna sit out so I volunteered. But if it's a slide puzzles, I'm gonna play 100%.

I'm gonna sit out. I really enjoyed my time in the sit out bench. I even asked Jay if they have something for me in the bench, like an advantage or something, but yeah, they got nothing for me. Hahaha. But yeah we won the challenge. I didn't know what the strategy was but it worked. New school strategy rules.

Brandi

I was at my highest high from the win and my lowest low when I thought we lost for .5 seconds.

Now sin sazonar are back babyyyyy!!!!!!

Ps. Jay is the best host and they really helped me feel welcome and it makes me sad when they say they are crying or others aren’t being very nice to them. They are putting on this entire game! We are so lucky they put in all this effort for us. I hope people learn to be nicer.

Shawn

Trinica really helped us out with the puzzle thing. Our host got a lil bullied because of that, but what can we say, everything is turning out new school. No tribal tonight again for us. I hope we keep winning like this, maybe there won't even be a merge after all. Ps still hoping I make it to merge. I won't be able to win, I know that, but id like to make it to merge. Just to say I did.

Trinica

First of all, stream Unreal Unearth by Hozier gays!!!!

Second of all, we WON THE PUZZLE CHALLENGE!!!! In a way I actually hate but listen you gotta do what you gotta do, and if you gotta game a puzzle platform, you gotta game a puzzle platform. Sorry to that man (Raffy) because no way was I beating your 18 minute score. But you're the true winner of this challenge.

Tanner got 174 minutes, and Adeline didn't submit and got 178, so if it wasn't for our 10% AD we would have lost this one thanks to those 2. I would sooner vote out Tanner if we get a chance since he has done poorly on every single challenge and this is the first Adeline flopped on (and she was not in top form as she was sick).

Anyway, Hairie said he doesn't want to write my name down ever and I'm hoping he means that 💓

Hairie

There wasn’t enough social battery to get on video for confessional so this time it’s by text.

This challenge was ours to lose. A jigsaw puzzle. At first we couldn’t decide on the sit-outs which led to a randomiser.

Then, the tribe was clearly struggling with 174 mins and then the rest ranging from 30+ - 60 mins … Deadly indeed and it was probably going to someone that did not perform well going home had we lost.

I knew I had to step in and share the strategy that I learned from an ally from a game shout out to you !!!

Reducing most of our times and we ended up clutching the win thanks to the challenge advantage because that was a close one.

With that, sending the old school tribe to another tribal and hoping they shake things up. (I don’t even know what’s going but yeah) 😂

The idol hunt is interesting. People are interesting. So I decided to fake a message for shits and giggles. Maybe it sent someone spiralling? I don’t know and do I care? Also no. I’m in my unhinged era and Jay’s here for it so am I. Actually I’m THE calmest person on my tribe (or maybe I’m delusional) well maybe I am also in my delulu era because who says we cannot be in two eras concurrently. I should have been on the old school tribe since they say they’re calm and not chaotic or messy (or behind the scenes). Then I came clean about the lie of the idol hunt the next day and called people out (stop lying too much) and making stuff confusing or cryptic and to pay it forward, told more truths about the idol ground (probably more than anyone) because I did publicly. Nobody knows what game I am playing … even me LMAO

Trust rankings 1. Trinica 2. Arvin 3. Clefford 4. Tanner 5. Adeline 6. Brandi 7. AJ 8. Shawn

Antigua

Amy

no but it's the way the other side had a strategy where people were finishing under 5 minutes and they just let someone on their own tribe do that puzzle for almost 3 hours.

Raffy

I know everyone on the tribe is hung up on the other tribe doing so well, but I need them to understand that if Zo had participated, like AT ALL, then we would have won the challenge. All Zo needed to do was complete the puzzle ONCE under 51 minutes and we would have won regardless if they had some super secret strategy. Not only that we BEAT them without their advantage. I am so upset with Zo right now, but I can't even do anything about it because she has a whole non-men alliance protecting her. Without it, I could probably make a very successful push to eliminate her, but alas. I am at the whims of those on the top of the food chain and I have to exist as a second-rate tribe member.

Colin

god im so tired of LOSING i dont wanna VOTE ANYONE OUT ANYMORE i just want to REST

Raffy

So, on this call with Ellie, we both agreed we need to cut our losses and take out Colin. They are being entirely too messy with that last vote. And it's dragged both our games down as a result.

But what do I even do? I guess just survive until a tribe swap, survive until merge. My whole ORG career and life is just about survival apparently. I gotta keep being in the good graces of Zo since she is fully just controlling this entire tribe. Hopefully, Amy, Jinx, and/or Ellie can put in a good word for me with the people who actually control this tribe. It's not the worst position to be in, but it is not ideal either.

I really just don't know what more else I could have done in this game. Like, it seemed like everyone liked me, but I guess I'm just not in-group material for these types of things. Oh well. That's enough wallowing for now.

--

I am now shifting the target to Zo because the challenge performance makes it easier to target her. I talked to Ellie and Colin about it. Ellie seemed to want to do it. Colin seemed hesitant. I talked to JG. He seemed ok with it. But, according to Amy, he was just saying what I want to hear and placating me. Amy also seems hesitant since she doesn't seem to think the numbers are there. I'm tired. I'm not doing this anymore. People can just vote me out or not. It's not like anything I say can convince anyone.

Maddison

HEY PARTY PEOPLEEEE. i’ve been MIA visiting my parents but here we are at tribal again :) not live laugh loving the fact that we keep losing but it iz what it iz. i suspect a swap or a twist of some sort after this given the number discrepancy between the tribes, but who knows. i’d like to keep the barbs together for this vote and make it easy with 5 on whoever we choose, barring an idol. honestly i’d love for colin to go home because he is a self-professed ‘messy’ player, but raffy is also a threat down the line. jg seems like an easy target but i don’t think he’d be a social threat at swap/merge. the barbs are a whole other set of considerations but why ruin a voting block at this point in the game? we will see how it shakes out ig!!

Zo

I’m sensing some woman on woman crime this evening…

Maddison

barb on barb violence… stay tuned

Raffy

JG is throwing me under the bus to Zo about how I am spreading her name along with Ellie. I'm so tired of this man. I could literally give him all the information in the world and he still would rather shoot himself in the foot, dive off a cliff, and swallow a gallon of bleach before ever thinking, maybe, JUST MAYBE, that Steven, or Colin, or Ellie, or I are telling the truth. Get your head out of your ass and maybe you'd be able to win this game. But as it stands, JG is dead to me in this game because he cannot see what is right in front of him, he cannot keep his mouth shut, and he has some sort of vendetta against me and my friends. But we'll see how that works out for him.

Colin

so theres TWO major alliances (that im aware of) on this tribe. the first one was me + raffy + steven + ellie. the other one is zo + jinx + maddison + ellie. zo told me that maddison made this alliance round 2 when her name was going around. it was a huge reveal because ellie was in our alliance and didn't say ANYTHING about it. and jinx is working closely with raffy and hasn't said anything about it. thats what my perception of the two sides are.

So there’s a Secret Plan happening to vote out Zo because of the challenge (she didn't submit), but I think it’s mostly because Raffy wants to make a move against the other alliance. I like Zo a lot and don’t wanna vote her, except Zo has that alliance and I'm not in it, so I have no idea if she even actually wants to work with me, we've just had a few one on one game conversations.

meanwhile, I want JG OUT. like he has no intention of working with us and it's so obvious. I get Zo is a scary social player but I don't think that it's worth it to vote her out rn, we need allies heading into a likely swap next round.

Zo

my name: *is on the chopping block* me: but what if i took a nap until tribal?

Colin

okay THE RATS ARE LOOSE. I REPEAT, THE RATS ARE LOOSE.

i TOLD Raffy not to trust JG. like I've BEEN saying that. he threw him under the bus last round, and he's doing it again. So last round it was me, Raffy, and Ellie who decided we wanted to go vote JG. But Raffy told JG that it was Zo who put his name out. JG promptly went to Zo and was like “Heard you were throwing my name out” when she literally was not, that was just a lie said by Raffy.

NOW JG is going to Zo again, telling her that Raffy and Ellie are coming for her, and is i guess trying to orchestrate a blindside against Ellie it seems?? now I'm in the corner over here like OK NOW CAN WE VOTE JG?! I think raffy is finally getting the message that keeping him is NOT smart.

I talked with Zo and it sounds like she and Jinx were already playing with the idea of voting ellie last round. i think she thinks i can be a part of their voting block. I believe that me and Amy are smack dab in the middle of this and can realistically join either side

heres how i THINK the vote is gonna go tonight:

Ellie + Raffy + me + Amy voting JG JG + jinx + zo + maddison voting ellie

so....... did someone say rocks? :)

Zo

So the funny thing about me is I can go away for a nap for an hour and a half and come back and my name is off the block hdjsjdjjs

JG

Amy

honestly I just want to have fun so I'm being messy telling everyone everything 🤣 I will not be shocked if this gets flipped onto me but apparently Ellie Colin and raffy want me to vote out JG with them and jinx JG me zo? Maddison? will vote Ellie? I mean here's the problem I've played with Ellie enough to have assumed from the start they are with everyone (as I am 🤠) but the whole being in two opposing alliances wasn't grand with some people even though they chose to vote with the girlies but there's a concern about a swap and then being closer to Adeline than say I would be which would immediately put me more at risk of going home especially down numbers. Anyway tbh if raffy didn't flip his idea I would have voted zo out 100% and I already had my voting confessional planned.

Let's see though bc Colin wanted to make a group of me Ellie raffy and Colin to "fix communication" and force rocks lol and it hasn't been made so.... Would be a funny way to go

Oh also I can go on the other side of the idol hunt and made it directly to the other resort and was immediately barred from entry lol whoops where are these wristbands?

Colin

okay so tribal is in 50 minutes and everyone has been SO quiet today. like to a very stressful extent. i'm needing to take a step back and remember that as long as it aint me, i'm fine. I'm planning on voting JG, and honestly just because I think that everyone is so quiet, I don't see an actual organized effort happening against Ellie this round. JG and Zo seemed like they wanted to take her out, but no one's putting in the work to do so. i hope that means that ellie survives this round and JG gets out, which is what i've been trying to do since last round.

Ellie

Tell me why i power nap for 6 hours and wake up to the vote being for me

[adventures-written]

“That was crazy back there...” Ellie breathed, “Thanks for your help..” She had gotten separated from Joel by a group of infected. She hoped he was ok.

[clonesupport]

I love your stuff for Vicar Max! It's *chef's kiss*

Prompt: Max has come back from a mission injured so its time for some gentle, tender loving to get him back to full health.

Again, thank you so much for what you do. You're keeping this thirsty gal well hydrated ;)

it's been a hot minute, i've been visiting my parents but i've found the time and energy to write again so here we go🤩ugh yeeessss tlc soft sex with max😩😩😩😮‍💨😮‍💨 this man is my weakness, thank you so much for the prompt🤧💖 had another prompt for some injured max and captain comforting him so i'd say this hits two birds with one stone. i pictured this somewhere on monarch but honestly this could be anywhere tbh

Nothing a Little TLC Can't Fix

vicar max x f!reader

word count: +3k

warnings: 18+, NSFW, p in v sex, unprotected sex, soft tender sex🤧 some nice tlc riding (the best kind of medicine), mentions of sustained injury, blood and stitches from gunshot wound, marking (hickeys and biting), pre-established relationship, creampie, porn without plot, smut under the cut

You help Max behind some crates for cover as you blind fire your rifle behind you towards the marauders that were shooting at the two of you. Max's arm was slung around your shoulder as you hauled him around the corner, setting him down making him groan in response of the harsh movement. "Fuck, I'm sorry." You quickly rambled worriedly before peeking around the corner with your gun. Aiming your weapon at the marauder nearest to you, you shoot the last one to the ground before turning back to Max.

He had his hand clutched onto his side, blood slowly seeping through his clothes and his fingers. Your eyes widened in horror the moment you saw the blood trickling down his hand, his face in grimace as he gritted his teeth from the pain. You quickly made your way next to him, falling to your knees as you threw your gun to the side. Eyeing his wound, your hands come up hesitantly to his, "How bad is it?" You asked, your hands hover over his side, unsure of how to help.

"It sure hurts like a son of a bitch, I think a bullet went through my side." His brows a furrowed as he attempts to push himself more upright only to elicit another hiss of pain. You press your hand over his, applying more pressure to his wound.

"Hey woah, woah, don't move. We gotta get you patched up and get you back to the ship." Your free hand falls to his shoulder, settling him as you watched him, wincing at the pain you weren't even feeling. "Ellie! Gonna need you over here!" You shout, seeing her jog over to the two of you.

"Well shit Max, did a canid give you a little love bite?" She jokes as she nears you though her grin falters upon seeing the blood oozing from both your hands. Your worry written face was enough to tell her this was serious. "Shit, alright let's see what you did to yourself." She kneels next to you between you and Max, her hand moving yours out of the way to attempt to inspect the wound. She slowly eases Max's hand away from his wound, enough to see how grave it is. "Bullet's stuck in there all right, I've got something to keep you patched for a bit but I'll need to take care of this properly on the ship. Hey, Captain, can you help get him to his feet? We're going to have to drag him back."

Luckily you weren't too far from the walls of the nearest town, you quickly call your ship to dock before you helped Max onto the Unreliable. Once on the ship, Ellie instructs you to bring him to the cot in the cargo bay, "Lay him down here, I'll get my kit, keep the pressure on it." She says before hurrying to her bunk to grab her things. You sit Max down on the cot, carefully laying him down and watching him wince from the movement. You cringe with every groan Max makes through gritted teeth.

"Fuck, I'm sorry," your hand stays on his wound, "I should have made sure to kill that marauder first. He was closest, Law I don't know what I was thinking, now you're hurt and it's all because I didn't bother to pay more attention-" Your rambling is cut short when Max places his free hand on your arm.

"This is not your fault y/n." His voice is oddly calm, reassuring you in hopes of easing your panic over him. You chuckle, smiling to yourself at the thought, here he was injured and he was the one reassuring you. Max looks at you with a questioning look upon seeing you laugh.

"I'm sorry," you couldn't help but find this particular situation amusing, "it's just funny how, you're the one that was shot and here you are reassuring me instead." Max attempts a light chuckle in return only to wince at his wound. "Oh stars, please don't move I can't stand watching you be in pain. Law, where's Ellie already." As if summoned, Ellie comes pacing into the cargo bay, med kit in hand and a determined expression on her face.

"Alright Captain, should we go morphine or do you want to hold him down?" Her question seemed halfheartedly sarcastic yet her face read a serious expression you couldn't tell if it was a real question.

"Uh, let's do the morphine." You confirm, you've seen the man in enough pain, you thought he deserved some ease.

"Thank the Law." Max exhaled hearing your choice making Ellie smirk slyly.

"Of course you'd pick the morphine." She smiles before pulling it out of her kit, "Alright, let's get this bullet out of you, preacher."

You stay by Max's side through the entire operation. Ellie managed to get the bullet out no problem and you couldn't be more thankful for recruiting a licensed sawbones. You figured resting in his bed would be more comfortable than this rickety spare cot in the cargo bay so you called for some help, easing Max to a seated position. With Max somewhat delirious from his extra dose of morphine Ellie had given him post operation, you and Nyoka helped him up the steps of the Unreliable to his room.

You propped some spare pillows at the head of his bed, making sure he could rest comfortably as to not irritate his stitches. Max was knocked out the moment his head hit the pillows, you pulled his chair up next to his bed, sticking by his side until he'd wake up. You watched him rest, amused in how quickly he fell asleep from his heavy dose of narcotics. He seemed so peaceful in his sleep, watching him made you realize just how exhausted you were yourself. You move to the ground, leaning yourself over the side of the bed as you rested your head in your arms, slowly drifting off to sleep.

Max's eyes slowly open, still a bit groggy from the procedure he takes a moment to rub his eyes with his hands only for him to realize something weighing his right one down. His eyes pan over to his side, noticing you laying half over the side of the bed and half on the floor, hand holding his and you breathed steadily in your sleep. He must have been out for some time as the ship was quiet while you slept by his side. A small smile crept to his lips as he watched you, gently pulling his hand out from yours and brushing fallen strands of hair out of your face. In doing so you stir awake, your eyes lighting up instantly the moment you notice he's come to.

You push yourself up, the smile on your face instantly turning concerned, eyes scanning his bandages. "How are you feeling? Does it hurt? Do I need Ellie to give you another dose of Adreno?" You were already on your feet, quick to turn and fetch Ellie for some medicine before Max grabs a hold of your hand.

"I'm alright," his smile is reassuring and calm in hopes of rendering you assurance to take it easy, "a bit sore but I'll live." He says, his free hand smoothing over his bandages gently to prove his words. "Nothing hurts I promise." He adds brushing his thumb over your knuckles. You purse your lips in an attempt to cap your concerned babbling. Max found your worrisome pampering rather endearing, it was sweet how much you cared for him even if you were an anxious mess.

"For now." You mutter, looking down as your hands as you take a seat close to him on the side of his bed. You look down to where he'd been hit, almost cringing again at the sight of his bandages. You knew he was alright, he even said as much, though that didn't stop you from feeling bad. Now only the bandages covered any part of his torso as Ellie had to cut his shirt off in order to access his wound. That's when you come to realize that Max was indeed shirtless. You'd been too anxious to worry about his gunshot wound that the fact that he was half nude never even crossed your mind.

Max notices your gaze rake over his bare chest, a faint smug grin stretch across his lips as he watches your cheeks flush a light shade of pink. His hand on your wrist moves up to brush your cheek, cupping your jaw as he brought your attention back to him. Your flustered state washes over with a sorrowful look, "I'm sorry, I should have been better. You got hurt because I didn't do my job, I could have prevented this." Your eyes dropped to his wound, hand hovering just above the surface of his skin as your brows furrow as you examine it.

"This wasn't your fault y/n." Max's hold on your cheek, reassuring you as he speaks. "It was a an accident no one could have prevented, perhaps me if I'd had paid more attention to myself rather than you." He mumbles the last bit sheepishly, giving you a crooked smile as he continues, "But what's done is done. I'd have to thank Ellie for the good patch up or else I'd be worse off than I really am." His hand smooth down to your neck, brushing your hair to the back before replacing his hold on you, bringing your face closer to his.

You lean in to rest your forehead against his, closing your eyes momentarily to breathe deeply, your hand coming up to hold his forearm. "Well, I'm glad you're alright." You smile through your words, Max's thumb still stroking your cheekbone lovingly.

Max watched you through lidded eyes, bringing you in by his hold for a sweet and tender kiss. You lean into him gently, moaning softly into his kiss as you placed your hands on his neck almost like an attempt to keep him close, safe. The kiss grows hungry, yearning, your lips pressed against his like your fear of losing him had finally caught up to you. Max's free hand comes to your waist, pulling you closer to him as he deepens the kiss. Gently, you move against him, swinging your leg over his waist, doing your best to make sure you don't hurt him.

His hands slide to the back of your things, pulling you impossibly nearer, hands moving to squeeze the plush flesh of your ass. Max groans into the kiss, his tongue melding with yours as you slowly moved against him savouring every touch he offered. Your hips rocked softly against him, feeling his slowly hardening cock under you. A smirk graces your lips, rolling your clothed cunt against him only to earn a gracious low moan from Max in return.

Max is quick to slide his hand under your shirt, feeling up your bare torso as he brings your shirt up and over your head. Your nipples perk from the cool air, Max's hands coming to knead your breasts, bringing his lips down to your collar. Whimpers leave you quietly as he toys with your nipples, sending soft jolts of pleasure to course to your cunt. You fingers fumbled with his pants, unbuttoning them and slipping your hand between the two of you to pull out his erection. Max worked on your own pants, pulling away from your neck to see what he's doing as he attempts to undo them as much as he could with your position.

Giggling you push yourself back between his spread legs, pulling your legs together to slide off your constrictive garments before throwing them aside, coming back to crash your lips to his. The kiss becomes feverish, a mess of lips, tongue, and teeth. Your legs replace themselves over his thighs, straddling him as you positioned yourself over his cock. Your folds teased his tip as you slid him back and forth against you to collect your slick making Max whimper impatiently. You sit slowly onto his length, his head breaching your tight hole deliciously stretching you agape as you slide down his cock. You moan as you feel him reach deeper and deeper, Max's hands gripping your hips as you sheath him inside you, his own moan following yours.

His tip prods your cervix, the feeling sending your mind reeling as you swivel your hips in small circles, desperate to feel that push inside you some more. Your hands find their place on his chest, one sliding up to hold his shoulder for stability as you begin to bounce soft shallow strokes. His cock hits your cervix with every pump, your cunt twitching and clenching around him as you set a pace. Your tits bounce in time as you ride him, cock sliding perfectly into you with every stroke. Your brows furrow up in pleasure, gaze meeting Max', glossy and lust filled as you continue to bounce on his cock.

You lean down meeting your lips to his in a poor attempt to lock your tongues together messily. You wanted to taste him, his tongue against yours granted so. You sucked onto his bottom lip, pulling it between your teeth making Max groan as you did so. His hands slide back to your ass, using you as leverage to help push and pull you on his cock, guiding your bounces and your speed. He does a buck of his hips without thinking, desperate to fuck into you harder but winces from his agitated fresh stitches in his side. A hissed groan of discomfort escapes his him, his grip instinctively tightening on your behind as the discomfort disrupts him. Your hands come to soothe down his abdomen, comforting him while avoiding his wound. "Easy, if you want it harder just say so." A smug grin grows on your lips as you quicken your movements.

Max moans, throwing his head back as you quicken your pace, "Law, yes." He moans breathily, your hips coming down faster and harder to appease his needs. His mouth falls open while you ride him, cock throbbing inside you as you clenched around him, wet cunt squelching lewdly with every bounce.

"That's it." You purr, your fingernails graze up his chest sending tingles through Max's senses alongside his pleasure. "Take it easy, old man.” You tease, rocking your hips into his. He shoots you a glare before it’s quickly overridden with a cry of pleasure as you bring yourself down onto his aching cock harshly.

Your rhythm is relentless, your thighs burn though the pleasure prevents you from faltering any time soon. Max leans back against the pillows, his legs quivering every other pump of his cock inside your cunt. His hands roamed your sides, squeezing all over your ass, waist, and thighs, feeling as much of you as he could while your bounces edged him with pleasure. His toes curl at the sensation, your warm, wet pussy swallowing his desperate cock like your life depended on it. Your head comes down to kiss his neck, sucking his skin as his moans reverberate in his throat. You nibble his flesh, marking up his jaw and placing a gentle kiss to his cheek. The sweet exchange such a contrast to the obscene way you're riding him mercilessly.

The pressure builds in your abdomen, you were desperate to feel relief, desperate to feel Max unravel beneath you. You worked the two of you quickly, bouncing and stimulating endlessly as your moans were pulled from your lips. The feeling of Max filling you with his cock left you more satisfied than you could imagine, the way his hands held you for dear life even more so. The grips on your body caused by his hands assure you he really was there. The warm sting of squeezed flesh left behind by his hold grounds you, turning your skin flushed. You look down at him with glossy eyes, the maroon marks you've left on his neck littered his perfect skin. His body was dewy with a bare sheen of sweat, his hair dishevelled, his lips plump and red. He looked incredible ravished under you.

You were beginning to lose your rhythm, too eager to reach your inevitable release yet too impatient to keep going. Max held your ass, aiding you in your slowly tiring ministrations. His cock throbbed restlessly inside you, so close to his orgasm you could feel it in every way he touched you. You neared yours just as quickly, your hand coming down to knead quick circles on your clit, whimpers escaping your lips as your pleasure doubles and the burn in your thighs increasing. Max could feel every way your cunt fluttered around him as you neared your orgasm, only egging him towards his own faster.

Max worked twice as hard with his arms to push you harder on his cock, pulling you off quickly enough just to do it again. His orgasm tugged on his nerves, pushing him over faster than he'd expected. Your bounces never cease, milking his cock of his cum as Max moans your name through every wave of his crushing orgasm. The feeling of his twitching cock against your a-spot sent you to your release with a quick snap of your hips. His warm cum spurting into your cunt while you pumped your pussy on his cock, riding out your rippling climax as your walls convulse around him.

You fall into him, your cries muffled against his skin as you leaned down to bite his shoulder. You still your movements with the last waves of your orgasm, feeling every soft throb of Max's cock deep within you as you regained your senses, your own cunt pulsing around him. Coming down from your overload of pleasure, you feel Max's hands gently rubbing your sides, cock still inside you as you rested your head against his shoulder. You pull back to see the bite mark you've left behind, his flesh slowly growing a darkened shade of red. "Sorry." You mumble sheepishly, a guilty grin on your face as your thumb gently passes over the mark.

Max is smiling lovingly back at you as he leans in to kiss your lips. "I can assure you it hurt much less than the bullet wound." He says upon pulling away, you chuckle before pulling him in for another tender kiss.

[julemmaes]

Honey - part one

Elide Lochan x Lorcan Salvaterre roommates au

A/N: today I found a list of prompts that I just l o v e d and I decided to write an Elorcan short story cause I really really love them and I just don’t write them enough, so please enjoy this fluff turned mild angst and then again fluff I guess.

masterlist

Word count: 3,073

Elide would have loved to sleep. To be able to put on the soft plaid pyjamas that Lysandra had given her for her birthday only a few days before and slip under the warm covers - the General Psychology paper sitting in front of her as that black dash at the end of the sentence flashed was her only enemy at that moment.

She huffed, closing her eyes for a moment, enjoying the soft music coming out of the computer. She didn't know the song, because the playlist she was listening to had been sent to her by Lorcan and she hadn't had time to scroll through the song titles to memorize the ones she liked best. She couldn't even hear the words, just the soothing melody, but she could guess that it was a love song.

After all, every playlist Lorcan made for her to study with consisted mainly of sappy, romantic songs. Quite the opposite from what Lorcan himself represented, with his trademark grumpy, pissed-off attitude.

She giggled wearily, sliding even lower into the pillows as she thought about what their friends would say if they found out that her roommate looked for chill, love songs in his spare time just to help her out.

Elide never had too much time on her hands, always busy between university and the two jobs she worked to support herself, and when she could actually relax she never thought about finding new music, it was far too much work and tiring. But Lorcan wasn't studying and the shifts at the toy shop or the animal shelter were very often lonely and quiet, so he had time to listen to music for hours on end without anyone interrupting him. Only later, when he would have free time and nothing to do but play video games with Aelin and Rowan, would he get on the computer and create yet another playlist with the songs he thought she would like the most.

She was about to fall asleep when she heard Lorcan's scream and several alarms going off all over the neighborhood.

"No, fuck!"

She snapped her eyes open as she sat up and was surprised to find the room shrouded in darkness, the only source of light coming from her computer. She frowned, reaching for the switch and trying to turn the light on and off. Nothing.

She closed her eyes again, banging her head against the headboard.

This was the third blackout in a week. She couldn't take any more. And she could only hope that the alarms would all be turned off within the hour, because the last time, the building next door had taken over three hours to turn off the last one, causing everyone to lose hours of sleep in the middle of the night. She was just waiting for the dogs' barking to start as well.

Her plan to go to sleep early dissolved like candyfloss in water.

"Lorcan? Everything okay?" she said loud enough for the boy to hear. When no answer came she shook her head, huffing.

Elide looked for the phone among the blankets so she could turn on the torch, but she couldn't find it anywhere. She placed the computer on the floor, getting out of bed and paying attention to where she put her feet, "Where the fuck did I leave it?" she muttered to herself, moving the stuff she had on her desk over to the chair. It wasn't even there. She looked down at the bed again and then touched the pockets of the jeans she'd promised herself she wouldn't take off until she was done studying - nada.

She was about to leave the room when the door jerked open, "Ellie?" the computer screen was pointing too low for it to give enough light for Lorcan to see her, "Are you asleep?"

"Nop," she said from across the room, "I can't find my phone."

Lorcan sighed, "Mine's dead."

"Shit." she cursed, she wasn't a fan of the dark, "Do you remember where we put the candles last time?" she asked walking tentatively towards the doorway.

Suddenly, the music stopped and the computer made the worst sound it could have made at that moment, shutting down for good. She didn't worry about the paper that she had to finish, she knew it would be there once she turned it back on.

"I can't believe it," Lorcan muttered. They were plunged into darkness. "Can you make it over here without killing yourself?"

Elide was trying not to panic. She knew there was nothing in the dark, but that stupid childish fear had never really left her and her heart was beating wildly in her chest. It wasn't anything crippling, but it certainly wasn't a pleasant feeling.

She nodded, realizing then that Lorcan couldn't see her, "Yeah, wait."

"Take my hand."

Elide walked with her arms outstretched forward, moving them to avoid hitting the wardrobe or dresser she kept near the door, but her strategy didn't seem to work as she slammed her side into the latter and knocked half the stuff on it to the floor.

She grunted in pain, bringing both hands to the sore spot, "For fuck's sake."

She heard Lorcan chuckle, "What did you hit?"

"I think the dresser," she whined, then raised her head, as if she could see him, "Where are you?"

He snorted, "I'll try to get there. Stay right where you are."

"Where do you want me to go." Elide frowned, speaking so softly that even she struggled to hear herself over all those alarms. Another chuckle was soon broken by a growl of pain, followed by a series of very colourful swear words that made the girl burst out laughing.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," continued Lorcan, who, by the sound of the various thumps, was probably hopping on one foot, "I think I stepped on one of your stupid earrings."

"Oh, god," Elide wheezed, more out of exasperation than anything else, "pray you didn't break it because I might kill you."

"It's already taken care of that. We'd only be even if I broke it," he said, cursing as he put his foot back on the ground, "Just stand there and I'll try to pick everything up."

Elide couldn't keep the smile off her lips, "I'll help you."

They hadn't realised how close they actually were, because the second she lowered herself to kneel on the ground, her head slammed into something very hard. She grunted in pain again, bringing her hands to her forehead, but burst out laughing soon after. The situation was getting ridiculous.

"Christ, Elide, are you alright? Please tell me that wasn't your head." asked Lorcan immediately, stretching his hands forward.

Elide didn't know what he had wanted to do, probably make sure her head was still in one piece, but what his hands touched certainly wasn't her head. The laughter died in her throat with a broken sound and before Lorcan realised he was palming her, several moments passed. When he too seemed to come to realisation, he let out a squeak and immediately moved his hands away.

Lorcan squeaked.

"Did you just touch my tits?" asked Elide in a whisper. At the sound Lorcan made, Elide's entire body was covered in shivers.

He cleared his throat, "Sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"It's okay." she grinned. Elide managed to sympathize with the darkness in that moment, almost thanking it for hiding what was sure to be the reddest face Lorcan would ever see.

"Are you okay?" he asked her again, "Sorry I didn't mean to knee you in the forehead."

"I think I might have a concussion," she said, deciding to fuck with him.

"Ha ha," he huffed, "very funny."

Elide imagined him frowning more and more, then sighed, "Okay come on, let's go find these damn candles." she pulled herself upright, one hand on her head and the other on her hip, then muttered, "And tomorrow we're going to go buy a supply of electric torches."

She heard him chuckle, "Can you follow me or do I have to hold your hand?"

Without a second thought, she reached out a hand towards where she thought his would be. Only her fingers didn't meet bare skin, but the fabric of Lorcan's sweatpants, who with a surprised yelp took a few steps backwards, "What's that? Are you trying to even the score?" he said amused.

"Please tell me it was anything but your-" the words died in her mouth. She would have rather died and groaned, bringing her hands to her face when he burst out laughing.

"If you wanted to touch all you had to do was ask, babe," he teased.

"Fuck, knock it off," she said throwing a hand forward, at a safe height, and hitting him in the chest with her fist.

He grunted, but grabbed her wrist, finally intertwining his fingers with hers, "Was that so hard?"

She said nothing, but dug her nails into his flesh and that was enough.

She dragged her feet on the floor so she wouldn't risk sticking earrings or anything else in the soles of her feet and when they were finally in the hallway, she didn't worry about where to walk because she was simply following Lorcan. The warmth of his hand clasped in hers was reassuring her greatly.

"How long do you think this will last?" she asked once they reached the kitchen.

"I honestly have no idea," he said. Elide heard the light switch being turned on and then a faint, "Ah, yeah." coming from him.

She giggled, then brought her hand to her mouth as she yawned, "I just wish I could sleep."

"Rough day?" asked Lorcan, opening the hand that was gripping hers. It took her a while to realize that he was silently asking her to let him go. She felt herself flush again for not realizing it right away, and with deep chagrin she pulled her fingers away one by one, immediately missing him.

She nodded, flinching when one of the alarms changed pace, becoming louder and more insistent. She sighed, knowing they were doomed to at least another hour like that, "Classes this morning were boring as hell, but they were important so I spent six hours on books and there was no one at the café this afternoon, which means not getting too tired and not running after every order, but it also means-"

"-no tips. Yes, I know," Lorcan finished for her. She could feel him opening drawers and rummaging through items looking for anything candle-shaped.

"Your day?" she asked, yawning once more.

She heard Lorcan halt, "God, you're exhausted." she didn't answer, so he continued, "Nothing much. They came to adopt one of the newcomers this afternoon though, and I'm pretty positive that family is perfect for that pup."

Elide could hear the smile in his voice.

Lorcan might have seemed like a mean person on the surface, callous. And indeed he was a bit of a jerk if you weren't one of the people he 'put up with', as he always said, but anyone who really knew him could confirm that he was one of the most loyal and trustworthy people ever.

The fact that he worked at an animal shelter and cared about the families to whom the puppies were entrusted or at a toy shop where Elide had often seen him help multiple parents choose the perfect gift were just two of the examples that could be given to prove such a point.

"Good," she murmured.

"Ro's going to kill me," he complained, "We were playing against a bunch of kids online and now they're going to think I quit because we suck."

Elide grinned, "But you guys do suck."

The shuffling sound stopped again, "Say that again. I dare you."

She chuckled, moving a chair and sitting down. She yawned for the third time and furrowed her brow. She didn't like yawning.

"Ellie, what the fuck," Lorcan huffed in disbelief, "help me instead of just sitting there."

She groaned, "You kneed me and I'm dead tired, I have every right to do nothing," she justified herself, "Besides, the light will be back on in a few minutes. Chill out."

"Chill out." he mimicked her voice. Then he cheered, making her gasp, "Found it!"

"Good luck finding the lighter." she whispered, crossing her arms over the table and resting her head on them.

He whistled, "How nice we are tonight," then he closed the drawers slamming them shut one by one and Elide wanted to punch him again for all the noise, "But it doesn't touch me, because it's in my pocket." and then a flame lit up the room just enough for Elide to see his face.

She scowled, "Why do you have a lighter in your pocket?"

The victorious, sly expression Lorcan had had fell away so quickly that for a second Elide thought something had happened or he'd been burned.

She was almost afraid to ask, "Have you started smoking again?"

"No." he answered too quickly.

Elide stood up, throwing her arms in the air, "Lorcan!" she opened her eyes wide, "You quit over three months ago."

He grimaced, "Not really." he spoke so softly she almost didn't hear him.

Her frown deepened, "What do you mean, 'not really'? You're such a dick," she mumbled, shaking her head.

In the meantime he had lit more candles and was arranging them on the kitchen counter, but when he spoke he looked at Elide and she saw that he was holding back from insulting her in turn. "I'm not a dick, I simply didn't tell you that I had resumed..." he trailed off, then huffed, "two weeks after I quit."

Elide opened her mouth wide, "Two we-" then exploded, "Lorcan, it's bad for you.  B-a-d." she spelled, drawing the letters in the air with her finger, "Do you understand that if you keep smoking your lungs will turn so black they'll look like ash?"

Lorcan clenched his jaw, "I know, thanks for reminding me."

Elide crossed her arms over her chest, speaking in a strained tone, "Why did you start again? Why didn't you tell me?"

He turned his back to her at that, with the excuse of arranging the candles around the kitchen better, but Elide knew it was because he didn't want to look at her face. He didn't answer.

"Where are they?"

"What?"

"The cigarettes. The packet? Where is it?" she demanded to know, walking up to him.

Lorcan turned, taking a step back when he realised she was less than a metre away from him. He frowned, "I'm not telling you."

Elide's eyes went wide, "Why?"

"Because you'd snap them all," he said in an obvious tone.

She nodded vehemently, "Yes, exactly!"

Then he sighed, "Can we just let it go?"

"Sure, if you want to let it go that you're going to die of cancer and that you've been lying to me the whole time, we can let it go," she said, biting her bottom lip and shaking her head. Then she huffed out a laugh, "You're unbelievable."

"Ellie, listen, I'm not smoking as much as I used to, we're talking about one to two cigarettes a day at most," he tried to reassure her, running a hand through his hair. She could hear it in his tone of voice that he felt guilty and embarrassed, whether it was because he had lied to her or because she had found out she couldn't tell.

With a little more light brightening up the room, Elide realised only then that he was shirtless.

Fuck, she thought. Lorcan with his shirt off was a feast for the eyes.

She quickly shifted her gaze to the floor as the light returned in a flash and she was forced to close her over-sensitive eyes. They heard the tv turn on again and the melody of the video game fill the silence.

"Thank fuck." Lorcan muttered as almost all the alarms went off. Now only the few that had to be turned off manually and the dogs continued their assault on their ears.

When Elide opened her eyes again, she cursed. There was blood on the tiles. She leaned forward, looking down at the crotch of her jeans to make sure it wasn't hers, even though she knew she wasn't on her period. "Lorcan?" she asked hesitantly, then turned her head towards him, not moving her gaze from the floor, "I think you're bleeding."

"What? Oh fuck." he chuckled. Elide looked up at him at that point and saw him leaning on the table with one hand and placing the ankle of his right foot on his left knee. He looked up at her, "Your earring stabbed me."

A laugh bubbled out of her, "I'm sorry."

Lorcan looked into her eyes and his shone, "Don't worry, I'll clean it up."

"I'll help if you want." she offered, then yawned and cursed in the middle of it.

He snorted, one corner of his mouth curled up, "Nah, go to bed. I'll take care of it."

Then she let go a whine, "Oh my god my room is going to look like a crime scene if you managed to get blood in here too."

Lorcan smiled tightly, "I'll take care of that too."

Elide nodded, admiring her friend's bare torso and arms one last time.

If Lorcan noticed, he didn't show it, and Elide was grateful for that moment of discretion, they'd had enough of awkward moments for that evening.

Warning him that she was going to bed, she went into the bathroom, undressing very slowly and slipping into her soft pyjamas. When she returned to her room, she noticed a wet spot on the floor and smiled, realising that he had started cleaning from her bedroom. She shouted a simple "goodnight" to him and without waiting for an answer slipped under the covers, ready for a deep and well-deserved night's sleep.

Just a second before she could fall asleep, the door opened slightly and she heard what could only be Lorcan place something on her bedside table. She couldn't open her eyes or bring herself to talk in that moment to ask him what the hell he was doing, but when she woke up the next morning, two packets of cigarettes and the lighter he'd used the night before sat there.

tog tag list (if you wanna be added or removed just send me an ask or dm me)

@maastrash @ireallyshouldsleeprn @sleeping-and-books @ladywitchling @thegoddessofyou @ghostlyrose2 @claralady @anne-reads @sayosdreams @perseusannabeth @letstakethedawn @simping4bookboisngrls @thewayshedreamed 

[amjustagirl]

Nikkiiii !!! i've said this before but i'll rephrase in case it becomes more comprehensible, YOUR BRAIN IS VERY SEXY.

in all seriousness, the fact that you like your characters only proves that you aim to write good and enjoyable pieces instead of writing for the sake of posting, no matter how uninspired and unfaithful to the characters the work might be.

and that is precisely why you're one of my favourite authors here AND IT'S NOT UP FOR DISCUSSION !! you have authenticity and it shows. so no, it is not shameless to enjoy your characters when they're beautifully written !!

my trip it's ,,, i don't know how to describe it, im currently camping in the middle of a forest, on a god forsaken island, on the other side of greece so it's uhhh interesting? i come here every year to enjoy the nature, mediate, reflect on myself, and set goals for self improvement before i go back to a year of intense studying 🤧

almost everyone comes here for the same reason, a small community is set up every may and people come and go until september. i'll be hitchhiking my way to natural hotsprings and waterfalls for ten days, so i'd say that this is bliss! but this kind of more primal, i guess you could say, situation isn't for everyone so i'll just say that my trip is interesting instead :>

no no no girl you're doing amazing !!

even in irl situations most dialogues we have aren't exactly the profound type but isn't that okay? to talk about seemingly unimportant things i mean, it's like 'love knows not it's depth'. the same way negative things that get swept under the rug end up pilling and can even dissolve a previously good relationship, conversations about 'nothing seemingly substantial' can grow into the substance of a relationship when shared between the right people, me thinks.

and now that i've said me thinks, i forgot to mention something very important earlier, MIYA KAIYO SUPREMACY ME THINKS !!!

kaiyo and atsumu though 🥰🥰

truth be told reader chan and i both share the anxiety and overthinking thingies, so i can't wait to read the next chapters and witness at least SOMEONE making some progress and shake these off, even if it's just with hot mr. Perfect Shinksuke

ahhhh i mean isn't it natural that he did ????

take care love ♡ i admire you for even trying to skate tbh, just give me a cup of coffee and a book and let me vibe, i can't get behind more athletic activities :(

pretty much already replied this even though i wasn't asked to lol, i'm doing well !! im enjoying my vacation but i also want the days to pass faster because i'll be moving out of town next month and it's exciting !! you find me in my usual paradoxical mindset tbh

ellie!!! thank you bb!! yeah i feel like an indulgent parent to my characters sometimes - i love them so much, but then i wonder whether my love for them is misplaced HAHAHA. and yeah no it's a matter of personal honour to never publish works that i'm personally not happy with (hence why the osamu installment of storm chaser is still in limbo LOL).

oh on another note - yeah it's something i struggle with, writing reader insert characters with strong personalities of their own. i can't ever write blank slate characters (or unrealistic characters for that matter, yknow the characters that sit around the house all day and wait and cry when their hq bfs come home late fr work) but sometimes i wonder if ppl don't want me to write personalities into my characters cos it makes it harder to relate to them? idk. something i grapple with from time to time.

HAHA it's actly so much fun writing both kaiyo and the reader in this fic cos they're pretty different but yet they're such good friends and continually support each other! personally i feel like the reader here is a lot more relatable - she's a bit like yachi in the overthinking department, and she's obviously anxious despite being v competent in her own right. also, *waggles my eyebrows about her progress w dear shin-chan*

omg greece....you know i grew up reading the corfu trilogy by gerald durrell and i've had a hankering to just spend a whole month kicking back and enjoying the greece countryside so im exceedingly jealous but happy that you're enjoying yourself, bb!!! i love the food i love the culture (even tho i just spent a couple of days on santorini and athens) and when travel reopens i defo wanna explore more of greece! in the meantime, take care and rest and recuperate!!! it's so exciting to hear you have so many things lined up ahead!!!

[adventures-written]

;; Some of my tags stopped working while I was gone so....Here’s a tag dump. Ignore it! 2/? 

[adventures-written]

;; -falls over- I am finally done reorganizing my blog. I also added some new muses cause why the heck not. I know a good chunk of them probably won’t get used, but they’re there if anyone is interested!

Added muses:

The Last of Us - Ellie

Fairy Tail - Natsu, Gray, and Levy

Bleach - Aizen, Grimmjow, Starrk, Harribel, Hitsugaya, and Rangiku

I’m gunna go get some food and try to rest my eyeballs now x.x

Under the cut is just my tag stuff I need.

muse;; i’m just a girl not a threat (ellie)

v;; i walk through the valley of the shadow of death (main; ellie)

v;; it can't be for nothing (side; ellie)

muse;; now i’ve got a fire in my belly! (natsu dragneel)

v;; i fight for my friends (main; natsu dragneel)

muse;; i’ll be the villain to protect them (gray fullbuster)

v;; searching for answers (main; gray fullbuster)

muse;; i’m not a damsel in distress (levy mcgarden)

v;; words are a powerful thing (main; levy mcgarden)

muse;; i shall stand upon the heavens (sousuke aizen)

v;; purpose giver (main; sousuke aizen)

muse;; i am the king! (grimmjow jaegerjaquez)

v;; not just some hollow (main; grimmjow jaegerjaquez

muse;; those who sacrificed their lives (tier harribel)

v;; primal fear is natural (main; tier harribel)

muse;; what a pain (coyote starrk)

v;; the lonely road we paved (main; coyote starrk)

muse;; abandon what was lost (toshiro hitsugaya)

v;; keep moving forward (main; toshiro hitsugaya)

muse;; the one he left behind (rangiku matsumoto)

v;; counting days (main; rangiku matsumoto)