#very cute movie that does manage some good nuance as well

[straydog733]

Me and Andrea walking out of Wicked Little Letters:

Andrea: Is it weird that I sort of ship Officer Moss and the pig la- Me: ME TOO!!!

[soveryanon]

Reviewing time for MAG183!

- I’m not sure I can manage to put it into words quite right but: sounds-wise, this episode’s domain didn’t feel mind-blowingly new, it wasn’t something that felt “Oh! I’ve never heard something like this before!”? But the echoes, grinding and scratching were timed so well, giving so much strength and gravitas to the conversations, that it perfectly scratched an itch. I could hear that there was something close to Jon and Martin, that it was big, and mostly deserted, that it stood eerily in the overall wasteland, that they were two people alone against a whole world, a whole machine with gears and a mechanism ready to crush anyone?

- I LIVE for artist!Martin giving his commentary and overall throwing shade at the Fears’ taking of artistic licence liberties:

(MAG183) MARTIN: Oh, bugger off! ARCHIVIST: Everything all right? MARTIN: Oh, no, what e–, what e–, what even is that? It, it’s like Escher ate a bad cathedral and threw up everywhere.

He had shown interest in the Stranger’s carousel upon learning that the statements had been a poem, but shots fired for that tower, uh.

- Jon and Martin were so cute starting the episode! Their quick banter was adorable!

(MAG183) ARCHIVIST: It’s a building. A tower. … In a sense. MARTIN: Oh yeah? A–and what sense might that be? ARCHIVIST: [FAINTLY OMINOUS] … The Tarot sense. MARTIN: [SPLUTTERS WITH LAUGHTER] Really? ARCHIVIST: Wha–? No? Sorry, it… felt like a good line…! MARTIN: No, no, it was, I just… I dunno, I… [FOND EXHALE] You did the look, and…! It’s fine, sorry.

Martin being IN LOVE and appreciating Jon’s cuteness! The return of Jon showing that he’s an occult/horror nerd! We had seen in season 2 that he was generally very knowledgeable about anything related to the supernatural, and in season 4 that he was into Neil Lagorio’s movies, I’m happy to get another trace of it!

(MAG076) MELANIE: So I came here to dig a bit deeper. ARCHIVIST: Really? Our… our library is extensive, but it’s hardly focused on the Second World War. MELANIE: No, but the most detailed description of the crash that I could find came from the report of a man called William W. Hay. And later in life William Hay… ARCHIVIST: Became a noted occultist, whose memoirs and researches were only ever published in a heavily edited form. And we have unexpurgated copies. MELANIE: Exactly.

(MAG136) ARCHIVIST: [INHALE] Statement ends. Hm. Neil Lagorio… You ever see any of his work? DAISY: No. Not really into films. ARCHIVIST: Oh, they were… Well, let’s just say that it’s not a complete shock there was something unnatural to them. Didn’t know we had copies in the Institute, though; let alone original cuts. [CHUCKLE] Records indicate they [PAPER RUSTLING] ended up in… Artefact Storage. DAISY: Probably best that they stay there. ARCHIVIST: … Yeah. Yes, of course.

But SOB x2 since:

* Tower-in-the-tarot-sense meaning ominous stuff… and change. (While Jon knew they would soon come face to face with the choice to take the route through Martin’s domain.)

* Crying over the fact that we’ve seen and learned quite a few outside-of-the-job aspects of Jon this season, comparatively to the previous ones? He’s cute! He’s making jokes! He mentioned his student days a bit in MAG165, and visiting Upton House as a kid in MAG180! And this is happening when the world has been forked over and Jon&Martin certainly won’t survive together past MAG200, which means they have at most seventeen episodes together remaining. Martin, and we alongside him, are seeing so many different, more casual aspects of Jon, and it’s at the end of things…

- I really like how information bounced around in this episode? It felt even more dynamic than usual, quickly shifting depending on some reaction, or going from an association to another:

(MAG183) MARTIN: What, what’s the deal, though? Parts of it almost look like– ARCHIVIST: The Institute. MARTIN: Yeah…! ARCHIVIST: Yes. [INHALE] It makes sense, after all it was… built on the ruins of what Robert Smirke constructed…! MARTIN: Smirke? … What, no! But, but, surely he’s– ARCHIVIST: Dead, yeah, I mean, yes. [CHUCKLING] Very much so! This place is… an homage, shall we say. A monument. To him, and those like him, who tried to… categorise the world with themselves at the centre. In so doing, constructed the architecture of its suffering…!

Ohohoh about Martin feeling like the tower looked a bit like the Institute, and Jon drawing similarities through Smirke – the Institute being built on the ruins of a Smirke building, and the current domain being dedicated to people like him. The Institute is coming closer and weighing on their minds, isn’t it? I really like that Martin immediately worried about Smirke potentially being alive-ish, since:

(MAG138) MARTIN: “The Eye has marked me for something, of this I have no doubt. My… humble hope is that it may be a swift death, an accidental effect of your own researches, which I once again implore you to abandon. It is likely too late for me, but I will not…” [PAPER RUSTLE] Uh… [INHALE] The, hum… The letter ends there. Uh… Ap–apparently Robert Smirke was found collapsed in his study that evening, dead of, uh… [FLIPPING THROUGH PAPERS] Apoplexy. Mm. I–I don’t know how the letter reached the Archives, I mean… Well, I can guess, but…

… he had read Smirke’s last words before he died. (But Martin has seen enough by now to know that there is always a risk for people to not have actually died; on that front, we’re safe, Jon confirmed! Loving Jon’s chuckle: ah yeah, no, Smirke, “very much so” dead from Jonah.)

(Also loved the “[those] who tried to categorise the world with themselves at the centre” shade: yep! That’s West-Eurocentrism and Smirke’s little gang for you!)

- About the way the world works now since the Change, I’m curious about Jon’s wording as “the architecture of [the world’s] suffering”, since it’s echoing the title of Smirke’s statement, “The Architecture of Fear”: my understanding is that right now, the world is mostly running on a loop of people’s fears => feeding and shaping the landscape => which hurts people by turning those realised fears against them => squeezing the fear out of them => feeding the landscape, etc.

What is quite curious is the status of Smirke’s taxonomy in the current world. Jon went off on a rant about how Smirke and people who attempted to classify had been wrong all along because it was meant to fail… while he himself has persistently been using the very same classifications during this very season:

(MAG166) ARCHIVIST: Look, we can talk about it later, we’re– coming to a… “domain of The Buried”, and [STATIC RISES] I would really rather… […] God, I hate The Buried. [DEEP BREATHS] … End recording.

(MAG172) ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] “Knowing”, “seeing”… i–it’s not the same thing as… understanding. Every time I try to know what The Web’s plan is, if it can even be called a plan, I see… a hundred thousand events and causes and links, an impossibly intricate pattern of consequences and subtle nudges, but I–I can’t…! … I can’t hold them all in my head at the same time. There’s no way to see the “whole”, the, the point of it all. I can see all the details, but it doesn’t… provide… context or… intention. I suppose The Web doesn’t work in knowledge, not in the same way.

(MAG173) MARTIN: That’s the avatar for this place? ARCHIVIST: Callum Brodie, thirteen years old. He guides the children through their fears of The Dark.

(MAG174) ARCHIVIST: I’m not entirely sure what you were expecting, it’s The Vast. The clue is in the name! MARTIN: Yes, all right…!

(MAG176) MARTIN: … Besides, I thought The Hunt was meant to make you go faster. ARCHIVIST: Depends on the type of pursuit. [INHALE] Besides, the chase isn’t… really the point of this particular place.

(MAG177) ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] Bad therapists. Let’s just say it’s the fear of bad therapists, filtered through The Spiral. BASIRA: That’s… a lot more nuance than I’ve gotten used to since everything went wrong. ARCHIVIST: Yes, well. The Spiral is nothing if not insidious. […] You just heard what The Spiral does to people, you can’t… trust her.

“constructed the architecture of [the world’s] suffering” kind of implies that they did manage something, even if it doomed the world? Is it specifically about Jonah using the division into 14 in his incantation? We’ve seen that that one had limitations, since The Extinction also got there anyway… But at the same time, true that at this point, we would still force-apply Smirke’s labels to anything anyway.

- Loved Jon sounding awfully pedantic and (fake-)poetic at the same time:

(MAG183) MARTIN: [SIGH] Bit of a mouthful. ARCHIVIST: Would you prefer I described it as a… “cascading recursion of shifting arrogance and hubristic dead-ends”? [STATIC RISES] [THE DOOR CREAKS OPEN] [CONSTANT HIGH-PITCHED FREQUENCY] HELEN: I would. [FOOTSTEPS] [THE DOOR SHUTS] [STATIC FADES] MARTIN: [SIGH] Hello, Helen.

AND HELEN HAVING THE BEST ENTRANCES. It also cleared up something for me (unless I had already realised it and forgot about it since then): the high-pitched sound we hear when she’s around is the mark of Helen and Michael, not of the corridors – if the door is open or characters are inside of the hallways, we’ll hear some of the usual crackling static, but we heard it rise when Helen arrived and fade when the door shut behind her (and same thing with her departure, it was briefly heard when she opened the door).

- Shots fired, MARTIN PLEASE:

(MAG183) MARTIN: [SIGH] Hello, Helen. Might have guessed you’d be into weird architecture. Very much your area of expertise, no? HELEN: Hmm, depends! Would you describe “petulant poet” as your area of expertise? I am weird architecture.

And Helen went equally incisive on that one, but also UUUUUH WAS IT A SPECIFIC REFERENCE TO PETER’S COMMENT ABOUT MARTIN…

(MAG158) MARTIN: I’m… saying no. I refuse! Game over. [KNIFE CLATTERING ON THE GROUND] PETER: Martin, this is not the time for petulance; there are bigger things at stake, here.

This was the only time someone referred to Martin as (acting) petulant… I mean, Helen not missing one second of MAG158 wouldn’t be surprising (she did tell Jon at the end of MAG157 that she would be enjoying the show), but ;; Little chilling when remembering Elias-Peter-Martin in the Panopticon and Martin refusing to kill Jonah there…

- I was right to suspect that Helen might have been unable to know where Jon&Martin were over their stay at Upton House, and that she wouldn’t be pleased about it!

(MAG183) HELEN: Anyway, where have you been? I’ve been looking for you, but you both just vanished. ARCHIVIST: Aaah… Right, I see…! HELEN: I was so looking forward to catching up after that whole Basira and Daisy thing, but then, pfft! You both disappear. I’d be very keen to know how you managed that little trick. MARTIN: Why, it caught us by surprise too, I mean, we, we actually ended– ARCHIVIST: [FIRMLY] We found somewhere to rest. That’s all. MARTIN: … Oh, yeah. Ah, yes, hm. HELEN: Fine. Be like that. I can appreciate the particular pleasure of a kept secret. ARCHIVIST: I’m sure you can.

* Salesa’s zone seems to be protected as long as you don’t physically find it? I wonder how Annabelle managed to find it, still, since Jon only become aware of that blind spot when they arrived nearby; how did she become aware of it in the first place? Did it feel like a hole in the world’s web?

* Awww for Jon keeping the secret and conveying to Martin that they should keep quiet about it ;w;

* AHAHAHHAHA for Jon’s “aaah”, which was absolutely a mischievous grandpa sound. Jon ready to cause trouble, with a smug smile on his face.

- … I love how Helen could observe that the dynamic of the exchange was slipping out of her control (Jon&Martin knew something that she didn’t, didn’t feel threatened by her, and Jon was amused to keep it out of her reach) and immediately tried to go for the throat again:

(MAG183) HELEN: Anyway. Such a shame about Basira and Daisy. I was really rooting for them to make up. MARTIN: [SPLUTTERS] Since when? What happened to– I mean, how did you put it… a, “a quick shot to the back of her head, and then back in time for tea”, or whatever?

Martin: Forgive and forget? NO, RESENT AND REMEMBER AHAHAHAHAH.

Direct reference to the fact that Helen indeed ~offered her door to Basira~ to quickly get to Daisy and execute her:

(MAG177) HELEN: I can offer a shortcut. Take you right to that murder machine you call a partner. MARTIN: Basira… Jon can’t go through Helen’s doors, we, we couldn’t come with you. HELEN: Basira is a strong, independent woman. She doesn’t need you two holding her hand. Anyway, it’ll be dead quick. Two minutes, door-to-door, quick shot to the back of Daisy’s head, and we’ll be home before you know it!

Laughing that Martin added the tea mention (Martin, you single-track minded tea-aficionado), but I’m glad that he remembered it full well to throw it in her face; it wasn’t even a personal attack towards Martin, it was something Helen tried to do to Basira, I’m glad that Martin is still absolutely offended about it ;w;

- I felt like Jon and Helen had two definitions of “what we want”: Helen potentially talking about quick, short-term wants (even if they turn out to be self-destructive), while Jon was more about well-thought decisions and choices?

(MAG183) HELEN: [EXASPERATED SIGH] Oh, give over. I was obviously just prodding her, trying to make a point. She didn’t want to kill her. ARCHIVIST: What we want doesn’t matter much these days. HELEN: Oh, [RASPBERRY NOISE], nonsense. What we want is the only thing that matters these days. And Basira wanted to join Daisy. ARCHIVIST: She made her choice. HELEN: With your assistance. ARCHIVIST: It was still her choice. HELEN: [SIGH] What a waste. ARCHIVIST: No. [INHALE] It wasn’t.

There have been a lot of discussions about “choices” and “wants” throughout the series (with big moments in MAG092, MAG117 and MAG147), so it felt a bit nice that Jon seems to have reached a point where he could draw a line between both? Jon, Martin and Basira didn’t want this world, don’t want the way it operates and what it inflicts on them; it doesn’t mean they can’t weigh options and make specific decisions – Basira, to honour her promise to Daisy and kill the monster she had become; Jon, to not smite for revenge (and Martin, to face his own domain).

I LOVE HOW JON WAS FIRM ABOUT BASIRA’S CHOICE MATTERING ;w; It once again reminds me of Martin’s line to Simon: “I think our experience of the universe has value. Even if it disappears forever.” (MAG151); the little things, the individual existences and choices, their own stories, still having value in the expanse of the universe…

- Martin! It’s a delight to see him so firm, having faith in Basira although he’s been so worried for her:

(MAG179) ARCHIVIST: Martin, this is what she needs. MARTIN: No, no! I–it’s…! BASIRA: It’ll… MARTIN: It’s completely– […] … We’re not doing this. BASIRA: [SOFTLY] Martin. Please. [SILENCE] MARTIN: … [SIGH] You’d better look after yourself. BASIRA: I will.

(MAG180) ARCHIVIST: How are you doing? About… MARTIN: Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I’m… I don’t know. I’m–I’m not sure how to feel; just… pressing on, you know? ARCHIVIST: I do. [SILENCE] MARTIN: Do you think she’ll be okay without us? ARCHIVIST: Oh, she’s made it this far. MARTIN: … Yeah. I just worry.

(MAG183) MARTIN: Basira is… She’s going to be okay.

And then pointing out that he was involved in the discussion too and that he wanted to know what the other two knew already and not be kept out of the loop:

(MAG183) HELEN: Oh. Is she? Do you want me to tell you what she’s been up to while you were “resting”? Where she is right now? ARCHIVIST: You don’t need to. I already know. MARTIN: I don’t. [STATIC RISES] ARCHIVIST: She’s currently moving through, uh… “The Void.” [STATIC FADES] Hungry shadows drifting in the dark. She’s been there a long time now, struggling to find the path. MARTIN: But she will? ARCHIVIST: I think so. HELEN: Yeah, she does always seem to manage, doesn’t she? It’s impressive. Although a little bit… tempting at times.

I’m not absoooolutely sure about Basira’s status: is “the void” a space between domains, or is it a Dark domain that Basira is having trouble finding the exit of, since unlike Jon, she can’t just “know” the paths? I suspect the latter but I’m not 100% certain. If it’s indeed The Dark, that’s a close to home one for her, since she had a few brushes with it over the course of the show – the Section 31 expedition to save Callum Brodie, leading to Rayner’s death and Basira’s decision to quit the police, her research to find out more about the People’s Church of the Divine Host (as shown in season 3) and her overall worry about them, which allowed Elias to convince her that they would attempt another ritual in Ny-Ålesund, leading to her discovering what “Rayner” was and travelling there with Jon, finding Manuela and the Dark Sun mid-season 4…

;ww; for Jon having faith in Basira, too… And the fact that once again, Basira has it a bit rougher than Jon&Martin (Jon had already told Martin that it had been a difficult journey for her, before they reunited). Helen does have a point that Basira seems to manage to find her way out in general: she had successfully escaped The Unknowing on her own, she had survived The Flesh’s attack on the Institute, she had pursued Daisy in the apocalypse… Basira has already gone through Helen’s corridors (offscreen at the end of MAG143, to return to the Institute), I’m YIKES about Helen implying that it would be “tempting” to grab her. (… But at the same time, why hasn’t she done it already, if she is capable of doing it? It might be a bit more complicated than that?)

- … I love Martin, I love that he was RIGHT to point out that Helen had just waltzed in to try and steer chaos:

(MAG183) MARTIN: Look, Helen, what do you even want? Okay, you keep turning up like a bad penny and, honestly, it, it seems like it’s… it’s just to be a dick! HELEN: Gasp! I am trying to be friends, Martin. Forever is a long time. And I occasionally like to have some company that isn’t… screaming. MARTIN: … What do you even think friendship is? HELEN: I dunno, do I? The only personhood I have is from someone I ate.

It feels like Helen has REALLY tried hard to make up for the weeks(?) she couldn’t find Jon and Martin? She went extra-hard on them: first with Basira, then implying to Jon that he had manipulated her into killing Daisy, then pointing out that Basira was not safe at the moment and still at risk of falling prey to other Fears (including herself), then trying to mock Martin about his domain, trying to guilt-trip Jon for not having told him about it yet, and when she finally managed to get Martin shocked and upset… job done, byebye.

Is it that she’s trying to get Jon so riled up he ends her? “Helen” used to like Jon and to turn to him (MAG101: “Helen liked you so… there’s a lot to consider. But I will help you leave.” / MAG115: “Before, talking to you made Helen feel better.”), before she was absolutely Down With Doors And Murders (MAG146: “We do what we need to do when it comes to feeding, don’t we? … Don’t we, Archivist?”), is it a remnant of that? Or is it really just an attempt at confusing Jon and Martin further, feeding from them Spiral-style?

- More about Martin’s domain later, but the reveal was BRUTAL, and yet not coming out of nowhere; we knew he had one, we knew he had almost been trapped in the Lonely house in MAG170 and the question was whether or not it had been (/was still) his domain once Martin got freed from it, but there was also the question of how Martin was able to walk in the apocalypse unharmed (was it due to Jon’s proximity, Martin’s connection to The Eye as an assistant, etc.), and Basira’s own status after Daisy’s death… so, yay! Answers and clarifications, and as usual, nothing feeling like a plot-twist, just things that make sense, and that we already had most of the information about!

(MAG183) ARCHIVIST: Martin… MARTIN: Are there people, Jon? ARCHIVIST: What? MARTIN: Are there people in my domain? ARCHIVIST: Not many. [SILENCE] MARTIN: Do you need to do your… your thing? Make a statement about whatever’s going on in there? … I could use a moment to think. ARCHIVIST: Sure thing. Yeah, I–I’ll… [INHALE] Yeah. [EXHALE] [BAG JOSTLING] [DEPARTING FOOTSTEPS]

Sobbing a bit about Martin’s priorities (“Are there people, Jon?”) and Martin asking for a quick me-time. It wasn’t ice-cold, Martin turned it into something useful for both of them (expecting that Jon would have to give his statement anyway), but aouch, he sounded absolutely shattered inside while blank on the surface…

- Yes, yes, yes, reminder that Smirke’s categorisation is arbitrary and just like the Doctor’s theory, sometimes just doesn’t work, because it’s trying to force-apply rules and a classification over something that resists it (and because the classification is not perfect from the start), but hey, that’s most theories and classifications out there anyway, so: Escher reference, the functioning of the Tower reminding me of the Great Twisting, and the reasonings sometimes reminding me of Gabriel’s work (MAG126), plus Helen popping by – it was Spiral stuff, right?

Well! I felt like it looks like Spiral, but the Doctor’s fears by themselves:

(MAG183) ARCHIVIST: “But it is not the fall that terrifies him, not the pain of the impacts, but the fact that none of them should be there. That it doesn’t make sense, and it must make sense, there must be a system, there must be, because if there isn’t– [THE BODY LANDS WETLY] He lands with a heavy smack onto rough limestone, and lies still, his body twisted and broken. He knows it will knit itself back together, slowly, painfully, as it always has before. But the thought of starting over, of composing yet another theory, fills him with a deep dread.”

… are more something I would identify as Eye (fear of a truth) and Hunt (fear of having to return to the start, to have to elaborate a new theory from scratch, again and again, of being trapped forever)?

It was really reminiscent of Smirke thinking back over his life, his hubris and the pride of being the one who would have found the answer, to the point where he would reject reality if it didn’t match his taxonomy (refusing to, well… do what you do with a theory: change, or evolve and perfect it when its flaws are pointed out):

(MAG138, Robert Smirke) “I believed then, as I still believe now, that these places I saw were the Powers themselves, expressed in their truest form, far more entirely than any ‘secret book’ can claim. And if, as I came to believe, the Dread Powers were themselves places of a sort, then surely with the right space, the right architecture, they could be contained. Channelled. Harnessed. So yes. Hubris. Not simply in that, I suppose, but in believing that those I brought into my confidence shared my lofty goals. […] Would you have me separate The Corruption between insects, dirt and disease? To, to divide the fungal bloom from the maggot? No. No, I… stand by my work. And thus, we must conclude that the only explanation is a new Power, created from what was once others, yet also distinct. And if such change is possible, how then can any “true balance” be achieved through immutable, unchanging stone…?”

(MAG183) ARCHIVIST: “If they are feeling very confident, they may lean down and stretch a curious tongue beyond their chipped teeth and rotten gums, desperate to add another sense to their observances – more evidence to support their declaration of what the world must be. […] They must simply study and learn, if they are to escape the labyrinth. They will be the first to escape. The one who sits in the central chamber cannot remember his name. But he knows that people called him “doctor”. He made sure of that; to ignore it would have been the greatest disrespect, and he will not be disrespected. […] He knows, for a fact, that this is the central chamber because he is the one sat here. […] They’ll all remember him forever, the first to escape the Monument. His name will be hallowed with the greats: Doctor, uh… Doctor…”

Same old pride, Leitner knew that well too (MAG080: “But I think, in my heart, I dreamed of my work becoming known. That ‘The Library of Jurgen Leitner’ would stand as a symbol of courage and protection. Hubris.”) and Gerry didn’t have many nice things to say about it (MAG111: “Flamsteed, Smirke, Leitner. Idiots who destroyed themselves chasing a secret that wasn’t worth knowing.”). Loved how the statements came for Smirke’s life and was absolutely ruthless about it – but maayyybe a bit too ruthless, even? Jon didn’t express much sympathy for “fools like Smirke” either, and this is a rare case in season 5 where I find that the statement was a bit lacking in empathy for… people who were technically victims. I mean! Insufferable pedantic academics sure are a type, they’re really not having the worst life out there, but it makes me feel a bit weird, with season 5’s overall tone, that the episode had that vibe of “serves them well, they’re insufferable” about people who were technically still trapped in a domain and suffering from it?

… I still laughed a lot about the Doctor vs. Professor rivalry and how they solved their argument:

(MAG183) ARCHIVIST: “The doctor that lies on the floor has recovered, just enough to laugh. ‘You’re still working on mineral theory? How painfully outdated.’ A flash of genuine fear crosses the face of the professor at this dismissal, before he picks up his chunk of granite, and begins to smash the doctor’s head in, yet again.” [SOUNDS OF BRUTAL PEER REVIEW]

Academia unleashed.

(- OKAY, I HAVE TO CONFESS that when the character could only remember his title as “Doctor”, with Smirke having been mentioned earlier, my mind just jumped to Doctor Fanshawe… ;; He had left a strong impression on me, okay.)

- ;w; Over the fact that Martin got his me-time and that it was enough: he was clearly tense, but he came back with direct questions and knew what he wanted cleared up…

(MAG183) MARTIN: Finished? ARCHIVIST: Yes. MARTIN: Good. … I need you to explain something to me. ARCHIVIST: All right.

- I can’t believe that Martin Global Heartthrob Blackwood made The Eye FALL FOR HIM too:

(MAG183) MARTIN: How do I have a domain? That doesn’t make any sense. ARCHIVIST: It’s like I said. [INHALE] Everything here is either watcher, or watched. MARTIN: [SIGH] Subject or object, yes, I know, we’ve been over this. ARCHIVIST: Well, you’re a watcher, Martin. You worked for the Institute, you read statements, The Eye is… fond of you. You’re not getting thrown into your own personal hell, which means…

Jane, Peter, Simon, Elias, Salesa, Annabelle, now Beholding – do you have any limit, Martin.

!! I’m excited over the fact that Martin’s entanglement with Beholding stuff was acknowledged! Comparatively, Melanie had read 2 statements (MAG086, MAG106) and Basira 1 (MAG112). Meanwhile, Martin had read 12; plus, although Tim, Melanie, Martin and Basira had taken (… or tried to take) one live statement each in MAG100, Martin had also taken 3 additional full statements:

MAG084, Adrian Weiss (Corruption) MAG088, Enrique MacMillan (Buried) MAG090, Ross Davenport (Flesh) MAG095, Luca Moretti (Slaughter) MAG098, Doctor Algernon Moss (Dark) MAG100 (live), Lynne Hammond (Desolation) MAG104 (live), Tim Stoker (Stranger) MAG108, Adonis Biros (Lonely) MAG110, Alexia Crawley (Web) MAG134, Adelard Dekker (Extinction) MAG138, Robert Smirke (Eye) MAG142 (live), Jess Tyrell (Buried, Eye) MAG144, Gary Boylan (Extinction) MAG149, Judith O’Neill (Extinction) MAG151 (live), Simon Fairchild (Vast) MAG156, Adelard Dekker (Extinction)

With Simon highlighting that Beholding had compelled him through Martin:

(MAG151) SIMON: Hm! No wonder I’m so sympathetic to The Lonely. You know: this really is a place for self-discovery, isn’t it? [CHUCKLE] “Statement ends”, I suppose! MARTIN: Uh… I’m sorry? SIMON: Oh! Nothing, just my own hubris. I should have known. When I came here, I said to myself: “Simon,” I said, “you’re going to answer this young man’s questions, but you’re not going to give The Watcher a statement. You’re better than that.” But it’s a hard one to resist, isn’t it? You get in the flow of talking about yourself, and it all just… tumbles out. MARTIN: Mm, does seem like it.

Elias might have been eyeing him as back-up Archivist, too (although since then, we’ve learned of his bet with Peter which would have already been running at the time – it might have been that Elias mostly wanted to ensure that Martin wouldn’t die during the Unknowing because he’d be needing him afterwards):

(MAG116) ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] What about Martin? MARTIN: What about me? ARCHIVIST: He should stay behind. MARTIN: What?! ELIAS: Really. MARTIN: Why? ARCHIVIST: Too many people might attract attention. MARTIN: No, no, I can help, I’ve been reading the statements! ELIAS: … Quite right, er, probably best he does stay behind. BASIRA: What, so you have a backup if Jon doesn’t make it? ELIAS: I’m sure that won’t be necessary.

Martin did a lot of research, read these statements aloud, took live statements, was hinted as a potential replacement; tape recorders have spawned around him like they do with Jon, even outside of statements, and Martin had been exceptionally kind towards them on multiple occasions; there had been that little moment of Martin somehow knowing that Jon was alive back in season 3 (MAG088: “It’s the not knowing, you know? I mean, Jon’s still alive. Not sure why, but I’m sure of that. But Sasha, I…”), shortly before we had learned about Jon’s own Knowing powers developing; we don’t know why and whether that was Beholding or The Web or something else, but Martin had been able to know how to get Jon out of the Coffin in season 4:

(MAG134) PETER: What does puzzle me, though, and I mean that genuinely, is… why you were piling tape recorders onto the coffin, while Jon was in there. [PAUSE] It’s a question, Martin, it’s– it’s not an accusation. MARTIN: I don’t know. And I just… felt like it might help. He’s always recording, I thought… it–it might help him… find his way out. PETER: Interesting. Were you compelled? MARTIN: [SULLEN] … I don’t know. … M–maybe? I–I, I definitely wanted to do it… PETER: But? MARTIN: I’m… I’m not sure where the idea came from. PETER: You should watch out for that. Could be something dangerous. MARTIN: Sure.

… And Peter’s whole plan relied on the fact that Martin was initially touched by Beholding:

(MAG134) PETER: [BREATHES] I’m still working out some of the kinks. But I believe I have a plan. However, it requires this place, and it requires someone touched by The Beholding. Elias was, perhaps unsurprisingly, unwilling to help.

(MAG158) PETER: It’s quite simple, really…! I want to use the powers of this place to learn about The Extinction: what it’s doing, where it’s manifesting. Then we can stop it. MARTIN: And you need me for this? PETER: Correct! Without a connection to The Eye, any attempt to use it would likely end… very messily indeed! But thankfully, it just so happens that you hold such a connection. MARTIN: So that’s it… Both “lonely” and “watching”. PETER: You must admit you’re the perfect candidate. MARTIN: I suppose I am.

Beholding baby!! Now coming in an additional Lonely flavour.

- Mmmmmmmm… The way Jon put it, it seems that Beholding is consciously rewarding its servant and:

* It could be Jon trying to make sense of something else, that he doesn’t understand? Gertrude didn’t think that the Fears were able to “think” at all (MAG145: “Sometimes, I think They understand us as… little as we understand Them. We don’t think like They do.” “I’m not actually convinced they “think” at all.”); reward&affection could be primitive enough feelings for a blob of terrors to work out (Martin fed Beholding as an assistant by reading statements => Beholding grants him things in the hope of getting fed even more?), but I don’t know, I can’t help but wonder if this is just Jon humanising the Fears a bit too much? It’s curious that Beholding got “fond” of Martin precisely when Jon himself fell in love with him – could Jon’s feelings have influenced Martin’s position in the apocalypse, could Jon be having a bit more power over the landscape than he realises?

* … If Beholding is rewarding its servants, that doesn’t bode well for Elias. WELL, no, I mean: it might mean that Elias is having a Great Time as a Beholding acolyte, which means it doesn’t bode well for my desire to see Elias get absolutely wrecked and wrong about being the “king of a ruined world”. I want him to have miscalculated, damnit! x’D

- I’m having so many feelings over Martin himself being unsure of what he wants, whether it’s better to know or to remain ignorant…

(MAG183) ARCHIVIST: It’s like I said. [INHALE] Everything here is either watcher, or watched. MARTIN: [SIGH] Subject or object, yes, I know, we’ve been over this. ARCHIVIST: Well, you’re a watcher, Martin. You worked for the Institute, you read statements, The Eye is… fond of you. You’re not getting thrown into your own personal hell, which means… MARTIN: [QUIETLY] That one of them belongs to me. But that’s… Ho–how can I be a “Watcher”? I, I didn’t even know it existed! ARCHIVIST: But you’ve suspected for a while now, haven’t you? MARTIN: Maybe? But that’s not “watching”! ARCHIVIST: Do you want me to tell you about it? MARTIN: No. … Yes. N–no, no, I don’t know, I don’t know. [SIGH]

Is it a remnant of his discussions with Tim in season 3? He’s basically gone the reverse of Tim about it:

(MAG098) MARTIN: Y’know, I think he thinks that the distance keeps us safe, you know? Like, like, if he just makes sure that we’re not involved, we’re somehow fine. TIM: He’s an idiot. Look, we didn’t know what that door was, and it still trapped us. Ignorance isn’t going to save anyone. MARTIN: No, I mean, you’re right, I guess.

Martin has seen enough to know now that ignorance doesn’t protect anyone, but also that knowledge can be used as a weapon – that the horrors are just made to hurt. I feel like, in his situation, noping out of Jon’s statements was one of his only ways to assert his boundaries (which had been denied from him — and from others — for a long time)? But here, the situation is different; it’s about Martin’s own involvement, he knew the knowledge would hurt anyway… but it’s also his load to bear? To at least face what is happening, since he’s benefitting from it, since he’s been made complicit (without ever wanting to)? It still goes perfectly with the exploration of exploitative and oppressive systems: Martin, unknowingly and unwillingly inflicting hurt, still being in a better situation than others… while not being directly responsible for it, not wanting to benefit from it. It really makes me want to see Jon&Martin find a way to reverse or improve things, to get people out of the domains or giving them the keys to escape them, and I don’t know if I can even hope something about this ;; (On the Jon&Martin front, things are so good; but it still feels so unfair for… everyone else.)

- Martin having a domain and being classified as a “watcher” finally explains why he hadn’t been impacted by the apocalypse since the Change! He had been able to get out of the domains’ grasp even when he wasn’t around Jon (he had fallen behind at the end of MAG163, he wandered around in the Web’s theatre, he left Jon alone for most of the statements), and there was still the question of… how he was still surviving without eating, and at the same time wasn’t (at least as far as we knew) trapped in a domain:

(MAG161) MARTIN: [MIRTHLESS HUFF] What about food? ARCHIVIST: What about it? When’s the last time you thought to eat, o–or even felt hungry? MARTIN: [FAINT] What…? Wha… Uh… I don’t know. ARCHIVIST: No. Whatever is sustaining us now doesn’t need us to eat. MARTIN: That… that can’t be possible– ARCHIVIST: It’s a new world, Martin, the natural laws are whatever they want them to be. And I suspect they don’t much care to keep humanity fed and watered.

I was wondering if it was Jon’s influence, or Martin being “trapped” in Jon’s domain, and Jon had also alluded to the possibility that they were themselves trapped in their quest towards the Panopticon:

(MAG169) ARCHIVIST: “Free” doesn’t really exist in this place. MARTIN: Apart from us. ARCHIVIST: I suppose. I–in a sense, though… [CHUCKLING] how much of that is because we are trapped in our own quest to– MARTIN: Okay, let’s, let’s not dive into another… ontological debate right now, not here. ARCHIVIST: Fair enough.

And Jon had even specifically told Martin that he had a domain, shortly before Martin got almost imprisoned in the Lonely house:

(MAG167) ARCHIVIST: We all have a domain here, Martin. The place that feeds us. MARTIN: Oh. [PAUSE] Where’s yours? ARCHIVIST: [MIRTHLESS CHUCKLE] I mean, we’re… traveling towards it. MARTIN: Oh! Right, obviously. [CHUCKLING] Duh. Hum… What about me? ARCHIVIST: … Would you… like me to… ? MARTIN: No, no. Don’t tell me. I don’t want to know. ARCHIVIST: … Okay!

(MAG170) ARCHIVIST: I, I didn’t want to… look too ha–, I–I–I promised I wouldn’t… know you, and, and with the fog in all–all the rooms, I’ll, I just, I lost y–, I… I–I’m sorry. MARTIN: It’s okay. ARCHIVIST: … No, I… I tried to use the… to know where you were, but… it was… You–you were faint. It was so strange, i–it took me so long just to find you…! [RUSTLING OF CLOTHES] MARTIN: Jon, it’s… okay. I promise it’s okay. This place tried, it really did, and honestly I… I wanted to believe it. But I didn’t. ARCHIVIST: This… “place”, i–it… [STATIC] My god…! […] I, I just… I wanted to make sure that you knew what this place was. MARTIN: It’s The Lonely, Jon. It’s me. ARCHIVIST: [INHALE] Not anymore. MARTIN: Hm! No. [LONG INHALE, EXHALE] No…! Not anymore.

And alright, that finally answers it: the Lonely house wasn’t his domain, wasn’t meant to be (but he was susceptible to it, got almost trapped in it as a “watched” although he eventually managed to reject and break free from it). His own domain was elsewhere, and Martin himself was amongst the “watchers” all along; Martin is living a bit like Helen in this apocalypse, having a fixed domain, but able to navigate elsewhere.

Aouch for Martin, since he had been encouraging Jon to smite domains’ rulers as soon as he discovered that Jon could do it; it was already murky territory for Jon himself (if the “avatars” and “monsters” just deserve to die, what about Jon?), it was awful with Callum (Martin himself drew the line at smiting a kid)… but now, we know it was directly including him, too, and that he had been fed through people’s pain all along. No wonder Helen had encouraged the smiting so hard, if she already knew they were kind of neighbours…

… Double-aouch for Jon, because he had offered twice the option for Martin to stay elsewhere, permanently:

(MAG170) ARCHIVIST: M–Martin, if you… did; i–if you wanted to forget… a–all of it, stay here and just… escape. I… I would understand. MARTIN: … N–no…! It’s comforting here, leaving all those… painful memories behind, but… It’s not a good comfort, it’s… I–it’s the kind that makes you fade, makes you… dim and… distant.

(MAG181) ARCHIVIST: I’m sorry, I… It would have been nice to stay. MARTIN: [WISTFULLY] Yeah… I’d almost forgotten what it was like, you know? A bit of peace, eh! ARCHIVIST: I mean, you could have… MARTIN: No, don’t say it, Jon. You know I never would. I–I can’t just “forget” about all the people out here! Besides, I’d rather be trapped in a post-apocalyptic wasteland with you than spend one more moment in paradise with her.

And Jon probably didn’t know what Martin’s domain was exactly, back then, since we heard the knowing static kick in when he described the domain in this episode? But he probably knew, already, that Martin having a domain didn’t mean that he belonged to it as a victim, but as a ruler, and that it would hurt Martin so much. (“No one gets what they deserve. Not in this place. They just get whatever hurts them the most! … Even me.”, indeed ;;)

- I AM HAVING SO MANY FEELINGS OVER THE DESCRIPTION OF MARTIN’S DOMAIN…

(MAG183) [STATIC RISES] ARCHIVIST: It’s a small domain. A swirling mix of The Eye and The Lonely. Inhabited by a few lost souls whose fear is not of their isolation or their agonies, but that no-one… will ever know of them. That they shall suffer in silence, and be mourned by nobody. That’s why you can’t really see it. It’s why even if we do travel through it, you won’t be able to see… any of the people trapped there.

… It reminds me so much of what Martin probably experienced in his own flat, when Prentiss besieged him for two weeks and Martin was unable to contact anyone, and nobody came to check on him? Did Martin’s domain grow from his own old fears…?

It also reminds me a bit of Naomi’s brush with The Lonely:

(MAG013) NAOMI: The fog seemed to follow me as went and seemed to swirl around with a strange, deliberate motion. You’ll probably think me an idiot, but it felt almost malicious. I don’t know what it wanted, but somehow I was sure it wanted something. There was no presence to it, though, it wasn’t as though another person was there, it was… It made me feel utterly forsaken.

Overall, the description is extremely… typical from what we’ve seen of The Lonely: there was Naomi’s misadventure, Ethan disappeared and nobody even claimed his backpack (MAG048), Yetunde Uthman had “disappeared a year ago. And nobody noticed” (MAG150)…

(But from that description alone, it doesn’t sound very Beholding, despite what Jon said? I’m curious about the Eye aspect of it…)

- Can’t believe that Martin canonically turns out to be the Lonely Eyes love(hate)child, gdi. It really was a custody battle in MAG158.

- Extra-sad that Jon warned Martin that there was meaning in the fact that Martin didn’t know anything about his domain, and wouldn’t even be able to see people in there… It’s just so cruel, both for them, and for Martin, to learn that he’s been unknowingly contributing to their misery (because they fed him and he didn’t even know about them)?

Pretty sure that Martin will stay with Jon to hear that statement, at the very least ;; (Or could he ask for something more? We’ve seen Jon extracting Breekon’s statement in MAG128, I wonder if he could put something into someone’s head like Elias had done, allowing Martin to give that statement himself…)

- I’m wondering about Jon’s own domain, too, now! He said they were heading towards it, so it’s either the Panopticon, the Institute or the Archives, or a mix of those… or something close to it, on their way to it. If Martin’s domain is a mix of Lonely&Eye, is Jon’s pure Eye? A mix of the 14/15? A Web&Eye mix, given Jon’s own personal fears?

I know that Jonny (lovingly) called out the obsessive classification in this episode through Jon, who went off on a rant about the “neat little boxes”, but he’s still using the Smirke classification this season:

(MAG183) ARCHIVIST: It’s a small domain. A swirling mix of The Eye and The Lonely.

(AND IN THIS VERY EPISODE… Jon…)

- On the one hand: feeling directly called out by Jon’s rant about how the divisions between avatars/monsters/humans/victims wasn’t and isn’t working, that reality escapes that division because it’s much more complicated than this:

(MAG183) ARCHIVIST: [HEATED] Avatar isn’t a thing, Martin, it’s not–! It’s just a word. A word used by… fools like Smirke to try and sort everything into neat little boxes, to reduce the messy spray of human fear into a checklist: Human, avatar, monster, victim. Only now, now, there’s a binary. There’s finally a clear dividing line and… [SIGH] Well. I’m sorry you’re not happy with which side you’ve ended up on.

(It felt especially relevant with Callum Brodie: could we really tell that he was an “avatar” when he was still a freshly wounded kid, even if a tormentor himself?)

On the other hand, well, that was still a useful distinction to have to identify servants, and mostly, I’m not extremely convinced by Jon arguing that there is now a Clear BinaryTM in the new world, between the “watchers” and the “watched”, since:

1°) Helen herself explained the dichotomy to Martin (MAG166: “And so, there are now exactly two roles available in this new world of ours: the watcher, and the watched. Subject, and object. Those who are feared, and those who are afraid.”). Given that she mostly tries to confuse them… that’s a red flag.

2°) Despite Jon defending that binary, we’ve run into plenty of examples of things… not fitting into that new classification. He himself acknowledged that Basira’s status wasn’t established yet; we’ve seen Salesa, protected by his camera from the chaos; Jon has been unable to know about Georgie and Melanie, only hypothesising that they might in what-used-to-be-London; Martin, a watcher, could still have fallen prey to another domain… That’s already a lot of special cases around that “clear dividing line”…

3°) Somethingsomethingsomething about how it’s in Beholding’s best interest that Jon believes in a clear, unchangeable, dividing line which serves Beholding’s own interests. If things feel fixed and unchangeable, then there is no point trying to fight against it or find a loophole, right?

Given that a Watcher can get trapped in another domain… does that mean that it could be the case for Jon, too? We got a threat of it in MAG172, when Jon began to give the statement of the following act – if Martin hadn’t interrupted him, would Jon have ever been able to stop?

- Confirmation that Daisy had “trapped” Basira in her Hunt! I was suspecting it since Jon’s first wording:

(MAG164) MARTIN: Is Basira alive? ARCHIVIST: [INHALE] MARTIN: Is she… in… o–one of these places? [STATIC RISES] ARCHIVIST: She’s alive. Out there, not… trapped in a–a hellscape, but… moving. [STATIC DECREASES] Hunting. She’s… she’s looking for Daisy. She’s a few steps behind.

(MAG183) MARTIN: … What about Daisy? Or Basira? ARCHIVIST: Daisy carved through the domains of others. Basira… well… In a very real way she was a sufferer in Daisy’s domain. Maybe the only one. Hunting, following, hurting. Now Daisy’s dead, she’s… free. Sort of. She’s inherited something of Daisy’s ability to move through the other domains. For now, she’ll… feed off what she sees in them. As to whether the Eye ultimately gives her a domain of her own… I don’t know yet.

* And now, Basira seems to have a peculiar status… Is it because she killed Daisy? Is it because she killed the ruler of her domain? Jon explained that a ruler’s death didn’t change much for the domain itself, but maybe it operates differently if a victim kills a ruler (… they become the new ruler?)

* Another reminder that Jon cannot see the future.

* Big Eyeball didn’t immediately give Basira a domain, but Martin got one. I see that favouritism, uh. (Joke, it does make sense given how Martin recorded a lot of statements and had worked at the Institute for years and years.)

- I love how Jon managed to explain why he hadn’t told Martin everything, and how Martin… indeed agreed that Jon had been mostly trying to respect his wishes about not knowing ;; It’s true that Martin had been adamant about not hearing much of the horror:

(MAG163) MARTIN: J–Jon, enough! Enough! [STATIC FADES] … Please don’t tell me these things. ARCHIVIST: I… I’m sorry, I– There’s just so much! There’s so much, Martin, and I know all of it, I can see all of it, and I– It’s filling me up, I need to let it out! MARTIN: I’m sorry, but tough. Okay? Tha–that’s not what I’m here for. [VOICE IN THE DISTANCE: “No… No!”] MARTIN: I can’t be that for you, I–I just can’t.

(MAG167) MARTIN: Oh! Right, obviously. [CHUCKLING] Duh. Hum… What about me? ARCHIVIST: … Would you… like me to… ? MARTIN: No, no. Don’t tell me. I don’t want to know. ARCHIVIST: … Okay!

(MAG183) MARTIN: You didn’t tell her any of that. ARCHIVIST: I didn’t think the metaphysics of her place in the fear ecosystem was something she’d be particularly interested in at that moment. MARTIN: Fair. But you seem very reluctant to tell anyone any of this stuff. ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] I did try, right at the start, but y–you didn’t seem to want to talk about it, so I didn’t push it. It’s hard, I have so much knowledge but… how do I decide what people want me to share, and what they never want to know?. MARTIN: I guess that makes sense.

But Martin seems to acknowledge that indeed, Jon had been trying his best about it…

(And now, I wonder if there is still other stuff that Jon hadn’t told Martin, in the same vein…)

- First choice for Martin:

(MAG183) ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] I was going to bring it up at the crossroads. Inside. I only just realised we would be going this way. […] MARTIN: I guess that makes sense. … So what did you mean about the crossroads? When you were talking to Helen. ARCHIVIST: It’s a maze in there, something between a, a Rubik’s Cube and a Magic Eye picture. I can find us the way through easily enough but… well. For us, there are two ways out. Two paths to London. MARTIN: What are the choices? ARCHIVIST: One would be a long, winding route, we’d see a lot of horrors, but remain… personally untouched. MARTIN: And the other is my domain. ARCHIVIST: Eventually. It’s a shorter path, with faces we know along the way. Including Helen. MARTIN: I thought Helen was her domain, wi–with all the doors and that? ARCHIVIST: She is, but she has a… position within this pseudo-landscape, like any other. MARTIN: O–okay. [INHALE] So, so, I mean, I suppose we’ve got to do that one, right? ARCHIVIST: We don’t have to, w–we–we could just– MARTIN: What, what? We could, we could dodge around it? Take the path of denial? I guess, but… what is it you keep harping on about? “The journey will be the journey”? [SIGH] I mean… It’s pretty obvious that this one is my journey.

! Glad that Martin didn’t hesitate and immediately understood what it was about – that it mattered to do it that way, that Martin had to face it, that this is how this world works. No hesitation about it. He got a demonstration with Basira, but still, he was quick to accept it.

I’m expecting a few episodes before Martin’s domain, so… with the overall rhythm of the season, they might reach the Institute by MAG189? And Hill Top Road during Act III?

- Since Jon mentioned that the path Martin ended up choosing had:

(MAG183) ARCHIVIST: Eventually. It’s a shorter path, with faces we know along the way. Including Helen.

I wonder about those “faces we know”, since we’re running super-low on ~avatars~. Different options:

* Institute staff. Rosiiiie?

* Melanie&Georgie. A bit unlikely, given that Jon had trouble knowing what was the deal with them, I feel?

* Since Helen will be there, people who gave live statements to Jon and were trapped in his nightmare zoo. I’m mostly thinking about this one, especially since Jon’s “No one gets what they deserve. Not in this place. They just get whatever hurts them the most! … Even me.”… (And if it’s about an internal and metaphorical journey, I feel like having to face people that Jon hurt, first unaware (he didn’t know about the nightmare zoo when he signed to become the Head Archivist), then partially unwilling but still doing it (he felt guilty about it but still hid it, still chose self-preservation instead of warning the others about it), would have its place…)

- In the same fashion, who is trapped in Martin’s domain? Unrelated people? Live statement-givers? (;; I’m thinking of Jess, who had the misfortune of being compelled by Jon and of giving a statement to Martin…)

… Given that it’s confirmed to be a “journey” for Martin too, I can’t help but squint at Jon’s wording, because. “Faces we know”. The only thing we know of Martin’s father is the fact that he looks like Martin… (MAG118: “The thing is, though, Martin: if you ever do want to know exactly what your father looked like… all you have to do is look in a mirror~ The resemblance is quite uncanny. The face of the man she hates, who destroyed her life, watching over her, feeding her, cleaning her, looking down on her with such pity–”)

- I’ll be having Annabelle’s words stuck in my head (ha) for a long time but:

(MAG181) ANNABELLE: Don’t worry, Martin. We’ll meet again. Hopefully when you’re feeling a little bit more… open-minded…! MARTIN: I wouldn’t count on it. ANNABELLE: I would. MARTIN: [SIGH]

… Was it a reference to Martin learning about his own domain and about how the world operates, his place in it? I think that Martin might be even more resolved to turn the world back at whatever cost, now that he knows that he is himself sustained by fear…

(LISTEN, THIS IS ABSOLUTELY HOW WEB!MARTIN CAN STILL WI–)

- !! Footage of Martin saying “I love you” for the first time ;w; I love how it was the thing he was certain about, both a slight decompressing joke and a true statement, a reminder that he has faith in Jon, that he has something to cling to?

(MAG183) ARCHIVIST: If you’re sure. MARTIN: … I’m sure I love you. [FOOTSTEPS] ARCHIVIST: I love you too. [FABRIC RUSTLES] Let’s go.

(He had mentioned that he was “in love” in MAG170, I’m happy to hear him telling Jon, too!) And the fabric RUSTLED, SO LONG AND SO HARD, AND AT LEAST TWICE!! I love how the tension from right before and after the statement had faded by the end of the episode ;w; Rollercoaster of little emotions…

MAG184’s makes me think of something Leitner had said (more lore about the Fearpocalypse?), and of Vast and Corruption… with very different vibes. If Corruption, and keeping in mind that Jon has announced that they will be encountering “faces [they] know along the way”, it cooould contain Jordan Kennedy, the exterminator from Pest Control…? Especially given that both Jon and Martin had met him (Jon took his live statement, and Martin pleaded offscreen for him to get them the jar of Prentiss’s ashes to comfort Jon).

(Yessss, I am absolutely aware of the irony of still using Smirke’s categorisation after another episode in which we were told again that it is bollocks, but if Jon himself still occasionally labels the domain as one of the 15, so can I ♥)

[yorkesteins]

If you're still taking prompts for the baby fic? Since they got married in Vegas without Amelia and the other runaways ~ 099: “Why wasn’t I invited to your wedding?”

Gert needs a new babysitter. 

Amelia’s curled up in Molly’s lap on the couch, and they’ve been watching The Little Mermaid for the past hour and a half. It’s great, because she finally has a chance to sit down and read Bad Feminist without worrying about her toddler finding the nearest electric socket to play with. 

It’s less great when Ariel and Eric get married at the end. 

“Look, Amelia,” Molly says, her voice a little too loud to be just for the baby. “They’re having a wedding. Doesn’t that look cool?”

Gert rolls her eyes. She does not look up from her book. 

Amelia claps, and babbles a little in a way that’s maybe 10% actual words, which is probably an indicator that her baby is a 15-month-old genius, actually. 

“Yeah, you’re right, she did invite all of her sisters,” Molly says. Very loudly. 

Gert slams her book shut, glaring. “Stop brainwashing my kid, Molly.”

Molly raises her eyebrows, bouncing the baby on her lap. Amelia giggles and claps. It’s almost cute enough to make Gert stop glaring at Molly. Almost.

“We’re just talking about the movie!” she says, then bends her head down next to Amelia’s. “I think someone’s feeling paranoid because Ariel managed to invite all five billion of her mermaid sisters who can’t even go on dry land.”

“Oh my God, Molly—”

“Which is way harder than one sister with a working car—”

“Okay, that’s enough screen time for today,” Gert says, getting up and reclaiming her child. Amelia pouts, like she’s not sure if she wants to cry and at the movement, but settles into her arms when Gert presses a kiss to the top of her head. “Let’s go read, hmm? Do you want to go read? Something that’s not about a woman giving up her voice for a man?”

“You told me that was a reductive take that shut downs the opportunity for nuanced discussion!” Molly says, crossing her arms.

Because she’s a mature adult and mother, Gert chooses not to dignify that with a response. She sticks her tongue out at Molly as they leave.

***

Because he’s responsible, Chase asks Karolina to watch the baby for, like, five minutes while he’s messing with some exposed wires on his current project. 

He regrets it. 

When he comes back to get her for nap time, Karolina’s officiating a wedding between Amelia’s Tiana doll and her stuffed unicorn. 

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” he mutters. “Did Molly put you up to this?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Karolina says, leaning Tiana in to kiss the unicorn. Amelia giggles. “We’re just playing.”

“You’re reinforcing heteronormative expectations of patriarchal traditions,” he says, crossing his arms. He’s pretty sure he got all of the words in an order that makes sense. Karolina looks up, raising her eyebrows. 

“Someone swallowed a dictionary,” she says. “And they’re both girls. That’s at least as subverting expectations as getting married in a Taco Bell.”

“Okay, we didn’t actually get married in the Taco Bell,” he rolls his eyes. “Can I have my kid back? It’s nap time.”

Amelia looks up abruptly, because she knows that word now. Because she’s the smartest baby in the world. 

“No,” she says. “Dada no.”

He’s momentarily distracted by the dada of it all, because she’s been saying it for months now, but it’s still cool. Karolina steps in, handing Amelia a little wicker basket. 

“Here, Amelia,” she says, smiling. “Why don’t you show your dad how good of a flower girl you are?”

“Hey—”

And then Amelia’s grabbing fistfuls of shredded paper from the basket in her chubby little fist, grinning widely as she tosses them into the air. Karolina smiles smugly.

“You’re playing dirty, Dean,” he mutters, crouching down and holding a hand up for Amelia to high five when she reaches him. “Yeah, okay. Good job, munchkin.”

***

“Family meeting. Now.”

Gert busts into the Treehouse without knocking, Amelia balanced on her hip. Molly follows, sighing heavily as Chase walks in behind her, glaring at the back of her head. Alex trails behind them all, looking only slightly more confused and irritated than normal.

“Yeah, sure, come on in,” Nico says, rolling her eyes. Gert ignores, grabbing Chase’s hand and tugging him with her, in front of the rest of them.

“We get it, okay?” she says, glaring.

“You’re all pissed we got married in Vegas,” Chase says, crossing his arms.

“Without us,” Molly adds, helpfully.

“I’m not pissed,” Nico says.

“You spelled our TV to play Say Yes to the Dress on repeat for an entire day,” Gert says, raising her eyebrows. Nico shrugs.

“Well I’m not pissed,” Alex says. Chase rolls his eyes.

“You used my email to mass sign me up for, like, every wedding photographer in LA’s mailing list,” he says. “Which is actually pretty amatuer for you, bro. You can do better than that.”

“Stop encouraging him to prank us,” Gert says, glaring as she gently removes Amelia’s hands from her hair. 

“Look, we’re sorry we’ve been giving you a hard time,” Karolina says, biting her lip. “It’s your thing, we get it—”

“We do?” Molly asks. Alex elbows her. “Ow. I mean. We do.”

Chase and Gert exchange a glance, both trying not to grin. Nico frowns.

“Okay, what’s going on?”

“Nothing!” they say, in unison. Molly’s eyes widen.

“Yes, there is,”  she says, pointedly. “You’re getting all Chert about something.”

“Still not a thing,” Chase mumbles. Gert bites her lip, but the smile breaks through anyway.

“It was our thing,” she says, carefully. “We love you guys, you know that, but it just felt like something we needed to do, just for us.”

Molly and Karolina exchange (somewhat) guilty glances.

“But,” Chase says, shrugging. “It wasn’t, like, a wedding.”

“Huh?” Alex says, frowning. Molly grins widely. 

“Does that mean what I think it means?”

“We got married for us,” Gert says, softly, smiling at Chase. “But. Maybe we could have a wedding for you guys. Just us, though. And nothing, like. Fancy.”

Molly yelps, jumping up on the bed, pumping a fist in the air. 

“Just for the record, we would have agreed to it sooner if you guys weren’t so annoying,” Chase says.

“Oh, yeah, the Little Mermaid stunt pushed us back, like, a week. At least,” Gert says, agreeing.

“Whatever,” Molly says, hopping off the bed, running to hug them both.

Karolina beams. “Gert, there’s this amazing dress I found—”

“I can get ordained online,” Alex says. Nico glares.

“No way, I’m getting ordained.”

The bickering overlaps with Molly and Karolina’s rush to plan; Amelia begins to babble loudly, refusing to be left out. Chase wraps an arm around Gert, pulling them both close.

“Regretting it yet?” he whispers. Gert grins.

“Not a chance.”

[chibimyumi]

Dear @lunitamoon​​,

First of all, I am sorry it took so long to get to you, but thank you very much for your sweet compliments! The day you sent the ask was great, and so is today. I hope your life is good to you too.

But now without further ado, your question.

Uchikawa Reo

I think Reo is a very good actor. My first opinion of him when I saw him in Noah’s Ark Circus 2016 was that he has a lot of talent. Some of these talents were not polished yet, (his singing being one example, but given his young age I couldn’t possibly blame him), while other talents were already polished to a sparkling gem. When people talk about Reo, it is usually “cuteee, so tiny!!!” or compliments of the like. His looks make people shove his remarkableness as an actor under these irrelevant external qualities. That is a shame, so please allow me to highlight a few things that are remarkable about this boy.

Character interpretation and understanding

I think Reo understood the character of O!Ciel very well and he was able to deliver many of the nuances even his first time in the role. When hastily interpreted, O!Ciel’s character runs the risk of being taken for nothing but cranky, sulky and haughty. Reo however, even at the age of 12 managed to see that these three obvious traits have a much deeper root: ‘doneness’. O!Ciel is done with his butler’s sauciness, done with people around him imposing their opinions on him, done with the world. Uchikawa Reo managed to capture this fatigue quite well.

In the scene where Soma is altogether a bit too clingy, I think many would think O!Ciel would push the prince away or slap him away. Reo however, did not. He was trying to pull away Soma’s hands, but he never showed antagonism. Just doneness. Regardless of whether O!Ciel does or doesn’t see Soma as his ‘big brother figure’ and ‘friend’, he does care about him. Even when Reo-bocchan said: “I’m exhausted because of you,” there was no callousness in his voice; just irritation.

Reo managed to find a beautiful middle ground between ‘warm’ and ‘cold’ for O!Ciel, and that is exactly what I believe our Trash Baby Lord is. That is a lot more nuance in character study than I could possibly expect from most actors, let alone a 12 year old one.

Another example of Reo’s great understanding of his role is in the scene where he questions his butler whether he would be able to bring them to Baron Kelvin’s manor within an hour. Here he raised an eyebrow as he spoke. This raised eyebrow is very significant.

In the post ‘That Butler, Punchable‘, I discussed in detail how Sebastyun is constantly being very snarky at his master, presumably so because he did not consider the boy worthy of his full respect. In the scene of this example however, O!Ciel has earned the demon’s full respect, and he knows it.

Raising an eyebrow, O!Ciel shows that he has reestablished dominance as master, and that intellectually he is on the same playing field as the demon. He knows what he is doing, and unsurprisingly, the question asked was thusly phrased as a rhetorical one. Hence I did not translate this line as: “can you?” but instead as “you can, right?” Through this nuance, Reo-bocchan shows a great level of confidence and his grasp over the case.

Something else remarkable about 12-year-old Reo is his body-language. In the showdown between him and Baron Kelvin, Reo knew very well how to deliver his actions and the tension of the scene to even the people in the furthest back of the theatre. He takes his time to carry out every movement with meaningful decisiveness. One powerful kick. Re-assume stance. Walk behind his victim. Trap him under his foot. Point the gun at him. Had Reo just kicked Kelvin and stood on him in one consecutive movement, then the impact would have been broken.

I am not sure whether this was intentional, but before Reo pointed the gun at Kelvin, the hand that held the weapon was relaxed, which meant it would not attract attention away from his footwork. Only when the footwork was finished did Reo reveal his gun again from underneath his cape, effectively re-shifting attention back to the weapon when that should be the central focus again.  In theatre where audiences don’t view the production through edited and selected footage, it is vital that actors know where they should draw attention to, and reversely, where not to. Reo did well.

Reo’s natural flair for comedy is also noteworthy. O!Ciel’s character’s funniness is mostly his insane cuteness and inability to can at times; not because he has funny remarks to make. Trying too hard to be funny is a big theatre/movie sin, but Reo is luckily no sinner

As demonstrated above, Reo has an excellent understanding of his role and is careful in maintaining it even when the musical calls for comedy. Reo employed a very advanced technique of achieving comedy; namely discrepant solemness. He does not loosen up or start monkeying around; instead he maintains his usual up-tightness while tricking Aberline into saying his own name wrong. The brilliancy in this scene was not just Reo’s ability to employ this advanced comedy technique, but also that the nature of this skit was perfectly in character for this insidious, manipulative brat.

In Tango on the Campania Reo filled most of the ‘space for growth’ he still had in the previous musical. Even though Reo’s body language on stage was already great in Noah’s Ark Circus, he did have the tendency to stand idle when the scene’s focus was not on him. In the latest musical however, Reo would not forget to also act when he was in the background.

His singing also largely improved, and was able to prolong his notes as well as transitioning between the notes. He still had trouble hitting the highest of notes, but his voice would no longer die off mid-way in its ascending.

Fukuzaki Nayuta

I think Nayuta is a great actor too, and personally a seemingly very underrated gem. In the first run of the Lycoris that Blazes the Earth (2014) Nayuta was admittedly not the best actor ever seen in theatre history. However, he did up the game for Ciel actors even at the time. Acting style is more preference-bound, but undeniably Nayuta’s singing was more solid than any past Ciel performer before him. Despite him having outclassed past Ciels’ singing, Nayuta received a lot of hate from fans, most amounting to: “I can’t watch this, he is too ugly.” (Yes, very constructive, very legit. Ughum. The Kurofandom never fails to remind me how so many are here just for the pretttiiiiiiessss >_>)

In 2015, Nayuta’s voice was actively dropping, sending him in a constant swing between up-and-down. I don’t have experience with a dropping voice, but I heard from everyone who did that it is incredibly hard to control your voice in speaking, let alone singing. And yet, though his voice was rough at all times, Nayuta did manage to hit all the tones. I find that very impressive. I think technique-wise, Nayuta is the strongest singer among all Ciel stage-actors so far. I haven’t heard his singing after his voice-change was complete, but I can imagine him having become a very good singer now. His capacity for control over his voice is superb, after all.

Nayuta’s acting is very subtle but convincing. When Nayuta-bocchan was in his cage, he even added some little movements of the hand that would not be in people’s usual expectations given the situation. To me, this little quirk seemed to convey how despite already having hit rock bottom, the last straw had only fallen just now. This boy is not just scared and desperate, he is murderously angry and resolute.

Nayuta’s subtle and yet convincing body-language can be seen throughout the musical. To demonstrate what I mean by ‘convincing’, I wish to point at Tango on the Campania. Compare Nayuta’s shaking to the headbanging of the stand-in for O!Ciel... Nope. (This actress is not a child, so I can be harsher.)

Again, Nayuta’s acting is subtle, but it does mean it is easily missed, especially in a live theatre. (’Overacting’ is obviously a thing (see demonstration 1 above ⇈), but to the people who initially criticised Furukawa for “moving around too much”, that’s the theatre medium for you. Theatre was not made to be recorded and viewed in close proximity. Moving any less will basically be invisible in a theatre (see my analysis of Tamaki’s performance as Snake).)

Enough side-tracked, back to Nayuta. In the scene where Nayuta-bocchan just woke up, he performed the panic dying down slowly expertly. We can tell that the shaking and heavy breathing really got the better of him, but that the boy was actively trying not to show his butler.  This was probably not visible live, but we have footage of it, so let us savour the panic-dying-down for what it is.

Though I might go as far as to say Nayuta might be better suited as a film-actor than theatre-actor, what was not missed on live audiences was this iconic scene below ⇊ when it finally dawned in O!Ciel that he had been chasing the wrong tail all along.

The atmosphere he created was incredibly tense, and we could practically hear the gears grinding and suddenly coming to a shocking halt. Bravo. It is ultimately for this scene that I think Nayuta would make a phenomenal stage-actor with just a BIT more stage-oriented instructions from the director.

Another scene that also conveyed the tension excellently was when O!Ciel was putting up with the Viscount. Nayuta knew better than put on an insulting high-pitched voice in parody of “a girl’s voice”, instead he minded the intonation of speaking and subtler mannerisms girls are socialised to perform.

When the Viscount really got way too close, Sasaki’s acting was incredibly flamboyant and loud, and yet it never threatened to overshadow Nayuta’s performance. Nayuta knows very well how to keep people’s attention on him even when he doesn’t have lines to say. When the Viscount turned Nayuta-bocchan around, the boy’s facial expression spoke voluuuumes.

Sakamoto, Nishii and Tanaka

I don’t have footage of them, and I am not going to get them legally or illegally, so I will include no visual examples of them in this post.

I don’t want to be harsh on children, they all did their best I believe, but do allow me to say that I am not very enthusiastic about their performances.

Sakamoto’s performance of Ciel was not very memorable, but I think it mostly has something to do with his part in the script just not being memorable at all. To sum up; Ciel in ‘Friendship’ received some guests from Japan, played chess, and stared wide shifty-eyed until the case solved itself. Sakamoto’s singing was decent, though. I wish they capitalised more on that.

Nishii... I think many people were initially especially enthusiastic about him because he did not “look like Vincent Phantomhive”. He did his best, I could tell he had fun in the performance, but whatever acting-talent he might have, the musical never gave him any chance to shine. That musical gave his character ZERO nuance. Nishii’s singing was very unpolished, and in the mere 3 weeks of audition time, there was also no time to get it polished. But then again, the same goes for the singing of most of that cast.

Tanaka... I could tell he did his best, but perhaps he was doing his best not to f*ck up a bit too hard. The songs in this musical were rather challenging, and Tanaka always seemed very tense as he was trying to chase the notes. It was like he was desperately clinging to his spot within a safety-zone, which ultimately meant he didn’t explore any potentials outside the range of monotony. When it comes to acting, it also seemed like cranky outbursts were the only emotion he dared touch upon.

So that was that! Thanks for reading!

[arttheclown]

3, 10, 24!

  slasher ask meme! || status: accepting!

   thank you @oceansinmychest !! ♡

   3. who is your favourite final girl?

    answered here!

   10. most underrated slasher movie in your opinion?

   i think jeepers creepers gets overlooked a lot because of who the director is (here’s some information on it for those who don’t know; major tw for p*dophilia & CSA, there’s some heavy shit in this thread so please proceed with caution if you click on it), which i do understand. you don’t want to financially support a piece of subhuman feces, and you shouldn’t! but jeepers creepers 1 & 2 were released almost 20 years ago, so there are a lot of resources online that allow you to watch them for free; he won’t get a dime from it. though i’m cautious of some of the subtext in these films for obvious reasons, there were a lot of good put into them completely unrelated to the director. i’ll list them in bullet points below.

the creeper’s design is fucking awesome. even better is that he wasn’t just randomly thrown together to look scary - his appearance actually makes sense from a biological standpoint! my friend @antlercrack is a good person to talk to about that; he loves the character as much as i do and has done a bunch of analysis on him.

speaking of gay shit, the first two movies are full of it. here are three very good articles on the subject.

the first two films are almost completely devoid of heterosexual romance. JC1 revolves around the relationship between two siblings and the sequel revolves around a fairly diverse group of students trying to survive the night. the only real het relationship is a toxic one featured in JC2 and we are not meant to like the guy.

continuing off of my previous point, jeepers creepers 2 addresses issues like racism & homophobia in a very real way. even better: the racist homophobic jock gets the axe & all the POC & gay-coded characters survive!

the male lead in JC1 is heavily implied to be gay & the female lead’s sexuality is never revealed. it’s mentioned she had a recent boyfriend, but the relationship did not go well.

speaking of the characters - you actually give a shit about most of them & they have endearing personalities, especially the jenner siblings! you don’t want to see anything happen to them!!!

the women are not reduced to their bodies!!! they all stand out from each other!!!

the creeper himself does not speak, but he’s still full of personality! see this clip as one of my favourite examples. wish he got some more love from horror fans!

the crew put 110% into those special effects & they still hold up really well!

the score of the first two films are fucking incredible & thrilling and you can listen to them both on spotify!

there are comics available to read online that explain the creeper’s origins! they gave his character a lot more nuance... and they’re explicitly gay! he is gay!!!

just skip the third one btw it’s. not worth your time. we don’t talk about JC3 in this house

   24. shout out some creators in the slasher fandom that you love!

   sure thing!

@antlercrack: my best friend of nearly 3 years, frequent fanfic collaborator & rp buddy! obsessed with his art, cosplay & character analysis. also, his jokes have me fucking crying on at least a weekly basis.

@teensiest: super cute fanart & awesome makeup cosplays! it’s extremely uncanny how many common interests teensie & i share!

@rulerofpurple: has great takes on various pieces of horror media, tons of cool OCs & a brand new au rewriting the origins of billy & agnes from black christmas!

@masks-n-steel: absolutely in love with their jason design. so cute and full of personality!

@guljerry: has written some incredible fanfiction on freddy, jason & the sawyer family! possesses a grasp on these characters that i admire a lot!

@rotten-carcass: has a really nice, colourful art style & has drawn a number of my faves!

@stinkyfishystinky: super lively, fluid, distinctive art style! includes a ton of different body types in their work with a variety of different characters, including ones who don’t get the spotlight very often! also, their freddy is fucking adorable & one of my favourites in the fandom.

@psyducktheterrible: has come up with some insanely cool freddy concepts & has a ton of passion for his character!

@the-thot-clown: has drawn pretty much every horror character you can think of and always manages to capture their respective vibes & personalities perfectly. their blog features tons of different m/m and f/f ships, which i appreciate!

@45lampkinln: a+++ content. amazing art, amazing hcs and tons of cool canon divergence. absolutely wonderful world-building. i give this blog a lot of credit for helping me get back into slashers at the beginning of the year. it’s always a joy to see them active!

@kinrypu: their art style is just... chef’s kiss. i have a weakness for their drawings of robert englund especially!

[setaripendragon]

Trapped in the Amber - 1x01

I promise I’m not dead! I know I haven’t been posting anything lately, but that’s because what I’ve been writing is mostly... well, this. The most ridiculously self-indulgent bullshit I’ve written in a long time, and it’s also the longest thing I’ve ever written, and it’s still not even half way done. I admit, I’m very self-conscious about this, because the nastier side of fandom has infected me with some bullshit prejudices that I haven’t completely managed to exorcise yet, but... I’m tired of being worried it’s not ‘good enough’, and maybe, if people do like it at all, it’ll motivate me to pick it back up. So, here I am, retelling Supernatural right from the start, with a next gen OC tagging along, fixing things here and there. (...Yeah, god, I know how that sounds...) It’s going to start out... sticking pretty close to the Supernatural script, although I tried to limit the amount of times I quoted the show verbatim, it still happens sometimes. The story will diverge from canon more and more as the little changes start piling up and having an effect, but... That’s a long way off, tbh. (For anyone who cares and doesn’t know me well enough to guess, the primary future!ships are Dean/Cas/Gabe and Sam/Mia, but apart from the main character being a Dean/Cas/Gabe baby who loves her parents, there really isn’t that much more focus on romance than there is in the show. For now.)

Blackwater Ridge, Lost Creek, Colorado – Friday 11th November 2005

Landing in the past feels like hitting the emergency stop on a bullet train, like she left her internal organs behind somewhere on the timeline. Meira knows it’s the past because the timeline had felt thick and gooey as she fell. Falling in the other direction would have felt worse, but that doesn’t mean she enjoyed the trip. Add that to the sensation of her grace suddenly retreating to coil up under her skin like a wounded animal, and she thinks it’s no surprise that the first thing she does once there’s solid ground beneath her feet is throw up.

“Oh, son of a bitch.” She groans once her stomach feels like it’s settled mostly back where it’s supposed to be. She braces her shoulder on a tree that’s conveniently nearby, and tries to get her bearings. She’s in a forest, she sees, as she looks around. There are a lot of forests on earth. There are forests elsewhere in the universe too, but she’s… pretty sure this is earth, anyway. And she’s somewhen in the past, although she can’t get any sense of where she actually is on the timeline, and when she tries to reach out with her grace to find out, a sharp, awful pain lances through her soul. She groans and staggers, leaning more of her weight against the tree and forcing her knees to keep her upright out of sheer force of will. She is not trying that again.

The thought that there might be something wrong with her grace is terrifying. She’s stranded, and she can’t get home. She thinks she might be able to manifest her wings, she can still feel them, after all, so they’re not gone, but she wouldn’t be able to fly on them. She can’t fly. She can’t fly.

The panic sits sharp and cloying in the back of her throat, and she swallows hard, as if that might get rid of it. It doesn’t. “Motherfucker.” She swears, and hates that it comes out more reedy than fierce. She has no idea how this happened, either, which doesn’t help. Well, she has some idea, because Heaven, Hell, and everyone in between has been trying to get rid of her for her entire life, and if whatever’s wrong with her grace is why she fell into the past, then she’d say someone finally succeeded. Dad’s going to go ballistic, she thinks, not sure if it makes her want to laugh, or cry.

“Hey, lady.” Someone barks, and Meira flinches so hard she nearly falls over. It’s only a decade of various combat training that saves her from ending up on her ass in the dirt. She has never in her life been unable to sense the people around her before. She’s always felt the shades and shapes of people’s souls. Until now, apparently, with her grace trapped under her skin and unable to reach out to feel the nuances of her environment.

The man standing a little ways off is fairly nondescript, with short-cropped light blonde hair and a touch of stubble, wearing what looked like wilderness gear. Meira has no idea what lies beneath his face, whether she can trust him or not and it makes her uneasy. “What’re you doing out here?” He demands.

“Getting lost?” Meira sasses, because nervousness has never helped shut her up.

And then, another man steps out of the underbrush, but this one, Meira recognises. It’s her dad. Even though he looks so baby-faced and young, she’d know him anywhere. The relief is like a physical blow and she sags against another tree. “And my name’s Meira.” She adds. “Not ‘lady’, thanks.”

Dad quirks a grin, enjoying her sass, and then says, with every ounce of cocky bravado she’s ever seen him use and then some; “Nice to meet you, Meira. I’m Dean.” He glances over at the other guy. “And this is… I’m sorry, what was your name again?” The question is so obviously insincere, and Meira chokes on an incredulous laugh, because she’s seen her dad playful before, even bordering on mean when he’s trying not to admit something’s wrong, but that was something else. It’s macho-posturing, she realises, with a mixture of hilarity and dread. He’s showing off, like a twat, for her.

Oh, god. She’s going to have to nip that right in the bud, or she’s going to throw up again.

“Roy. Roy Roberts.” The other guy replies through gritted teeth, glaring at Dad – at Dean, she’s going to have to get used to that, or she’s going to slip up, and things are going to get awkward real fast – with enough venom to bring down an elephant.

“Hey, mind if I tag along with you guys?” Meira asks, to diffuse some of the angry tension in the air. Absently she wonders if this is before Dean has admitted that he’s into guys, too, because that might explain some of that. Roy is a fairly good looking guy, after all. He reminds Meira of that guy who played Bond in those movies Dad likes from before she was born. That… probably haven’t even been made yet. Damn it. She’s going to have to be careful with things like that. “I have no idea where I am right now.” She adds, because Roy does not look convinced.

“We’re heading further in, not back out.” He warns her.

Meira shrugs. “You’re still a better option than trying to make it by myself.” And she has absolutely no intention of going anywhere without Dad. It’s not really very rational, but he’s her only point of reference right now, and until she can get her feet under herself and figure out what the fuck to do, she could use the illusion of support. So she grins into the face of Roy’s unimpressed glower. “You know I’m just asking as a formality, right? If you say no, I’ll just follow you anyway, because what the hell else am I gonna do?”

Roy’s glower shades towards resigned, and Meira knows she’s won. Her grin sharpens, and he rolls his eyes, but nods his acceptance. “Come on, then, if you’re coming.” He instructs, heading back the way he came without any further ado, leaving Meira alone with her baby-faced father.

There’s a brief moment where they stare at each other, both of them at a loss, and then Dad – Dean – jerks his head towards the bit of forest Roy disappeared into, and Meira takes that as her cue to fall into step with him. “So, before you were getting lost, what were you doing out here?” Dean asks, looking at her with open curiosity. Then his eyes flicker down and up again, and Meira catches herself before an Enochian exorcism can fall out of her mouth on instinct.

Instead, she switches to the first lie she can come up with that might make her dad stop looking at her like that. “I was running away from a dickbag who wouldn’t take no for an answer.” She says without looking at him.

There’s a beat of silence, and a glance shows Meira that Dean is grimacing. “What an asshole.” He comments, just as they catch up with the others again. Roy looks sour, but he’s attentive, scanning the surroundings with a keen eye, which Meira appreciates, and standing nearby is Uncle Sam. Only he’s a squishy-cheeked, smooth-faced, gangly-limbed baby-Uncle now. Meira has to bite back the urge to coo and possibly pinch his cheeks.

The other two in the group are people Meira doesn’t recognise, a teenage boy with close-cropped hair, and a young woman with cute dimples that show when she smiles at Meira in greeting. Meira smiles back with extra warmth. “This is my brother, Sam.” Dean says, taking it upon himself to do introductions. “And this is Haley and Ben Collins. Their brother’s gone missing, which is why we’re here, looking for him.” He explains, gesturing.

“I hope we find him.” Meira says, specifically to Haley. She’s just decided that Haley is her salvation, and she offers her hand to the other woman to shake. “I’m Meira.” Haley takes her hand with just a hint of befuddlement.

“Alright, let’s keep moving.” Roy calls, before Meira can add anything else. She does let her hand linger, though, just a touch, before she retracts it. Their group moves off again, and Meira makes it a point to walk beside Haley.

“Tell me about your brother?” She asks, just to strike up conversation.

Haley glances at her sideways, but obliges. It’s clear she loves her family, just the way she talks about them, and Meira catches herself smiling for real, and not just as a flirtation, although it’s that as well. She does make a point to tell Haley how admirable she thinks it is, that sort of devotion to family, and Haley ducks her head with a rueful smile, bashful.

Behind them, Sam snickers. Meira glances back and catches a disgruntled pout on her dad’s face before he smooths it out into something more neutral once he realises she’s looking. She makes a bit of a show of glancing between Haley and Dean, and then grins, unrepentant, and shrugs in faux-apology. Dean snorts and waves her off, conceding defeat gracefully enough.

When Meira turns back around, Haley is watching her, one eyebrow arched. Meira refuses to feel sheepish at being caught out, and just nudges her with her shoulder, gentle and teasing, and asks her another question about her life. Haley rolls her eyes, but answers.

The conversation carries them on through the afternoon, until they reach a point where Roy stops. It’s almost a clearing, if it wasn’t for the waist-high undergrowth. “This is it.” Roy says, looking about them. “Blackwater Ridge.”

“What coordinates are we at?” Uncle Sam asks at once. Roy answers, and Meira aches a little at just how incomprehensible the numbers are. Before, she would have just known where she was, and she feels a little sick, being made aware of just how little she can tell about the world around her now. She looks around, hating how small she feels, how muffled everything is. She doesn’t dare try to reach out with her grace again, but she wants to, just to make that feeling of wrong go away.

“I’m going to go take a look around.” Roy announces.

Meira whips around to give him an incredulous look. He might not be in the know, might not realise that Sam and Dean are probably on a hunt right now, but even so, it seems reckless for anyone to go off on their own. “You shouldn’t go off by yourself.” Sam points out, so Meira doesn’t have to.

“I’ll go with you.” Meira offers, since no one else seems like they’re about to.

It earns her incredulous looks from all quarters, and a disparaging one from Roy. Meira gives him a hard look in return, the sort of ‘do you really want to try me, bitch?’ look that Pabbi has always told her makes her look like her qaada. And she might not be able to bring her grace to bear along with it like she usually does, but she is still an angel, no matter how constrained, and it would take a tougher man than Roy Roberts to not even blink in the face of heavenly wrath.

“Look,” he says in a carefully reasonable tone, “I know these woods, and I’m just going to have a look around, see if I can find any signs of people. I’ll be fine. You’ll be safer staying here.”

“You’d be safer staying with the group, too.” Dean interjects, making no effort to sound inoffensive. Roy gives him a sour look.

“Why don’t we all go?” Haley suggests, all false brightness and impatience.

Roy raises his hands in frustrated surrender, and heads off into the woods. The rest of them follow along like good little ducklings. They do spread out a little as they go, looking for any signs of other people in the area. Meira is not an expert woodsman, but she’d learned a few things growing up with a hunter family, and she tries to pay attention, to be helpful.

“Haley! Over here!” Roy shouts suddenly. Everyone bolts towards the shout, and they come out in a clearing with three tents lying there in mangled wreckages, blood-splattered and torn. “Oh my god…” Haley breathes, sounding horrified. Meira doesn’t blame her. She feels a little bit sick, too, and it’s not her brother’s campsite. The thought of something like this happening to Jace makes her want to smite something, and her grace roils under her skin, pushing at the boundaries of her physical form and aching every time it brushes against the inside of her skin.

“Looks like a grizzly.” Roy remarks, cool and practical.

Meira thinks not. Not only because if it was, it’s unlikely her dad and her uncle would be here, but also because there would be more blood and less wanton destruction if it had been a normal animal. If a bear had been hungry enough to hunt people, there would be a lot more blood, at least, and if it was pissed at them being on its territory, there would be bodies. But there aren’t. Just a bit of blood splattered about here and there, and a lot of claw marks.

Haley begins shouting for her brother, and Meira grabs her arm before she can walk any further into the camp. “Don’t.” She warns, eyeing the surrounding woods warily.

“What?” Haley demands, eyes a little wild. “Why not?”

“Something might still be out there.” Sam interjects, giving Meira a respectful nod. She tries to smile back, but she’s not too proud to admit that she’s scared. She ought to be able to tell what did this, to feel the spirits and souls around her and know. But she can’t.

“Sam!” Dean calls, and Sam heads off at a brisk clip.

Meira heads after him on instinct. Haley follows her for about three steps before Ben calls out in a voice that wavers despite his best efforts, and she turns back to him without hesitation. Meira catches up to Sam just in time to hear Dean saying “-tell you what, it’s no skin-walker or black dog.” Then Dean turns and stalls at the sight of her. “Uh…” He says, staring at her like a deer in the headlights.

In other circumstances, Meira might glory in making her dad look like that for once, instead of the other way around, but she’s still feeling unnerved enough that it’s hard to wring any humour out of the situation. “Why are we ruling out skin-walkers and black dogs?” She asks, propping her shoulder on a tree and crossing her arms. It looks less pathetic than curling her arms around her sides, but it still serves to make herself feel better. What would be best would be a hug from her dad, but there’s no way she’d ask for that when he’d probably just take it the wrong way.

“You-” Sam begins, realisation dawning in his expression.

“You’re a Hunter?” Dean demands.

“More or less.” Meira agrees. It’s never been a title that sits right on her shoulders. Not when she’s spent her whole life surrounded by people who actually dedicated themselves to the job, while she’s always felt more like a kid mucking about with a hobby. At Dean’s sceptical, bordering on suspicious look, she elaborates. “I was raised to it, but I’ve never… dedicated myself to it.” She hedged. “I just help out here and there when something crosses my path.”

“Right.” Dean acknowledges, and then jerks his head towards something behind him. Meira comes closer to look, and Dean explains the tracks. It’s almost like being a kid again, with Dad schooling her on this or that aspect of hunting.

“A skin-walker or a black dog could drag a person away, but you’re right, the tracks just stopping like that is weird.” Meira acknowledges, wracking her brains for what could do this. “A phantom cat could, too. Or a wendigo or a moonfiend. Or a harpy, maybe. It’s too early for a werewolf.”

“Werewolves don’t tend to drag their victims off, never mind vanish with them.” Dean points out.

“What’s a moonfiend?” Sam asks.

Meira blinks, reminded suddenly that this is not really her uncle. “It’s a… It’s kind of like a mothman, but less aggressive. They’re mostly harmless, actually, really shy, but if they’ve staked out a territory, you don’t want to go wandering into it.” She explains absently. “It’s just that they can fly, which would explain…” She gestures at the vanishing tracks. “Like Harpies. Wendigos are strong and agile enough to lift a human body, and phantom cats are spirits. It’s possible a phantom cats could transport a victim that way, but they don’t tend to drag people off, either.”

“Phantom cat. That’s the animal version of a poltergeist, right?” Dean checks.

Meira nods. “Yeah, pretty much. Although normal poltergeists generally just want to hurt or kill you, but some legends suggest that phantom cats steal souls.”

“The pattern of attacks would suggest it’s hunting, not protecting territory, so I don’t think it’s a moonfiend.” Sam adds with a grimace.

The three of them look at each other, all of them coming to the same conclusion, none of them actually willing to say it out loud. Before someone can muster their courage, the forest air is shattered with a shout.

“HELP!”

Meira startles, and then lurches into a run before she’s had time to think. Of course, Dean and Sam are already on the move, too, even as a second, and then a third cry echoes through the forest. They converge with the others, a wordless scream that sounds closer than ever egging them on. Then the forest goes silent, and they slow to a stop, wary and alert, listening hard. “It seemed like it was coming from around here, didn’t it?” Haley asks.

Meira feels painfully vulnerable, and she tests her grace, to see if she can conjure her blade. It’s made from her grace, and it’s still there, so the blade should be there, but when she tries to manifest it, a lance of white-hot pain ricochets through her, and she clutches at her wrist, gritting her teeth against the agony.

“Everybody back to camp.” Sam orders, and Meira obeys on instinct. She’s never felt so vulnerable before in her entire life, and it only gets worse when she realises they’ve fallen for a trap and all their gear is gone. Before, she wouldn’t have worried. She’s an angel, she can survive off the ambient energy of the universe if she needs to. It’s not fun, but it’s possible. But now, she has no idea what she can and can’t do. Her grace is still there, warming her bones, but every time she reaches for it, all she gets is pain.

“Alright, listen up.” Sam says briskly, looking around the camp with a tight expression on his face. “It’s time to go. Things have gotten more complicated.”

“What?” Haley asks, incredulous and irritated.

“Kid, don’t worry. Whatever’s out there, I think I can handle it.” Roy says, and Meira’s tempted to deck him for the condescending arrogance in his voice.

“If you don’t even know what it is, you have no idea whether you can handle it.” She snaps. It seems to startle everyone, but Meira doesn’t care. Yesterday, a wendigo wouldn’t have frightened her. She could move faster than it, could burn it to death with just a touch of the holy light in her soul, but today, she’s as helpless as Roy Roberts, and it pisses her off that he’s not as scared as she is.

“Sweetheart, when you’ve been hunting as long as I have, there isn’t much the woods can throw at you that you can’t handle.” Roy retorts smugly.

Meira scoffs incredulously, suddenly hating him. “Oh, that’s what this is. Did Sam taking charge just now wound your fragile male ego? Are you really going to put everyone here at risk because of your god damned pride?”

“How dare you suggest-”

“Hey, relax.” Dean interjects. Even though it isn’t directed at her, Meira can’t help but subside, too used to Dad mediating arguments between her and Jace, or her and Rob, or her and Pabbi that way.

Apparently, Uncle Sam hasn’t gotten the memo, though. “She’s right.” He says, as if Dad hadn’t said anything at all. “You have no idea what’s out there, what it can do. I’m just trying to protect you.”

“You, protect me?” Roy scoffs. “I was hunting these woods when your mommy was still kissing you goodnight.” He spits, getting into Uncle Sam’s face.

“Isn’t it about time you retired, then?” Meira snarks.

“You shut your mouth.” Roy barks, rounding on her.

“Okay, that’s enough!” Dad snaps, getting between them with both his hands out as if to physically hold them away from each other. “Just chill out, okay?” He prompts, giving Uncle Sam a pointed look. Meira tucks her arms around herself and tries not to freak out any more than she already has. Haley putting a hand on her shoulder makes her jump, but the comforting squeeze she gets helps a little.

“We don’t have time, Dean. We have to get these people out of here before this thing eats them alive.” Uncle Sam protests furiously.

“Look.” Haley speaks up, interrupting whatever Roy had been about to say in answer to that. “Tommy might still be alive.” She states, and Meira knows what’s coming next. She knows, because it’s what she’d say if it was Jace out here, in the claws of a wendigo. It’s what Dad would say if it was Uncle Sam. “And I’m not leaving here without him.”

“Then we’re going to need fire.” Meira says. “Lots and lots of fire.”

Blackwater Ridge, Lost Creek, Colorado – Saturday 12th November 2005

They build up a large campfire, and several smaller fires, too, and Meira helps her dad draw protective symbols around their camp. And then they sit and wait for morning or the wendigo, whichever comes first. The hours draw on interminably, and Meira sits right by the fire, close enough that she feels a little feverish with the heat baking her face, but it’s close enough that she could grab one of the big branches out of the fire if she needed to.

Sitting and waiting isn’t the best plan though, she thinks grimly. For morning, yes. Wendigos don’t really like bright sunlight, so they’ll have that small advantage once the sun rises, but after that? Haley isn’t leaving without her brother, and her brother, if he’s still alive, will be in the wendigo’s lair. Which they’ll need to find, and get into, and get out of, without dying or getting caught themselves.

“What’re you thinking?” Haley asks quietly, nudging her.

Meira glances at her, sees how worried she looks, and musters up a smile. “I’m trying to figure out how we’re going to find Tommy.” Haley blinks, then almost smiles, except not really. Meira knows the feeling, and goes back to staring at the fire. “Even if we kill this thing, we’d still need to find him, and… Shit, that’s a lot of wilderness to comb through.”

“We’ll do it.” Haley insists stubbornly. “I’ll do it.”

Meira smiles, slanting a fond look at her. “I know.” She assures her. “I have a little brother, too. I’d take on a wendigo for him, too.” That wouldn’t really have been saying much before, but now? Like this? She still means it.

“A…” Haley falters, frowning. “I’ve heard of that before. Isn’t that some sort of Native legend or something?”

Meira nodded. “Algonquian peoples, primarily. They tended to live more northward, where the long, lean winters often led to starvation. And starvation sometimes led to people who who looked at their families and friends, and saw not people they loved, but food.” Haley shudders in distaste. “And once they’ve eaten someone, they start craving it, and every time they eat someone else, they turn a little bit more monstrous.”

Haley gives her a sharp look, fear buried under anger. “You mean this thing’s going to eat Tommy?” She demands in a harsh whisper.

“It’s planning to, yeah. But it probably hasn’t yet.” Meira reassures, reaching out to put an arm around Haley’s shoulders. Haley grabs her other wrist in a desperate, unthinking motion, clinging to hope. “Wendigos are born of deprivation, they know what it’s like to go hungry, and they hate it. They tend to hunt in spurts, and hibernate for long stretches of time in between, but they don’t gorge themselves. They’ll take people alive if they can, so they have food for later.”

Haley squeezes her eyes shut. Then she sets her jaw and nods. “How can we kill this thing?” She asks in a hard voice.

Meira looks away. “I’m starting to wonder if we should.” She admits.

“What?” Haley asks, so sharply that Sam and Dean look over at them from where they’re sitting together across the fire, heads bent together and discussing something.

Meira opens her mouth to explain what she’s thinking, what she doesn’t want to be thinking, but before she can, someone out in the woods calls for help. She cringes, even as everyone else leaps to their feet, those with guns aiming them out into the night. She knows that it’s the wendigo, knows that it isn’t some poor bastard getting chowed on, but… well, before, she would have known, would have felt it, would have been able to tell for sure that, no, the only soul out there is the corrupted one of the wendigo. Now, all she has to go on is cold logic. It’s enough to convince her head, but not her soul.

Some part of her still feels the need to go and check, to be sure, because what if she’s just sitting here, listening to someone die when she could have helped them? Then the gunfire starts up. “I hit it!” Roy shouts suddenly, and Meira’s head jerks up just in time to see him dodging around one of their extra fires and rushing out into the woods.

She’s on her feet before she can think about it. Then she hesitates. What is she going to do, without her grace? But she can’t just leave him to his fate, either, no matter how much she doesn’t like him. “Don’t move!” Her dad orders, right before going after Roy himself.

That cinches it, really. Meira’s not leaving her dad out there with a wendigo. She snatches up one of the burning sticks, and bolts after them. “Meira!” Uncle Sam shouts, reaching out to try and grab her, but Meira’s played that game a million times, it’s habit to flex her grace to give herself just a little bit more speed so that she’s not where he expects her to be.

And this time, it works.

It’s such a relief she nearly stumbles, but she doesn’t have time to waste, so she catches her balance and runs on. She’s right behind Dad, and Roy is up ahead, and she can hear the wendigo in the trees. “It’s over here!” The wendigo calls with someone else’s voice, and Meira can see it reaching for Roy. The world blurs as she lunges, practically tackling Roy out of the way just as the wendigo’s hands flash out and the claws sink into her face.

She could retaliate, she has her stick, but she remembers the thoughts that had been plaguing her earlier, and doesn’t.

The wendigo jerks her, hard, but Meira’s grace isn’t gone. It’s just trapped, which means that when her neck snaps, it’s nothing more than a minor inconvenience. Painful, sure, but her grace heals the damage almost as soon as it’s been done. The wendigo gives her another shake, nearly breaking her neck again, and then wrenches the burning stick away from her, tossing it back down to the ground. She lets it, because she doesn’t want to have to heal being eaten, and then plays limp ragdoll as the wendigo darts off through the trees with her. It won’t fool it forever, but it should fool it long enough for it to take her back to its lair.

They drop back to the forest floor eventually, and then further down still, underground, Meira realises. A cave, or an abandoned mine, perhaps. She’s tossed into a larger cavern, lets herself roll limply along the floor, and the wendigo retreats. Meira’s just going to have to hope that her dad and uncle can keep Haley and Ben alive through the night.

“Ugh.” She groans and sits up, rubbing at the back of her neck. She’s human enough that that sort of damage is still unnerving, and leaves her feeling vaguely squeamish for hours afterwards. So worth it just to know her grace still works, though.

“Holy shit!”

Meira stills, looking around. The cavern is not, in fact, pitch black. There’s faint light seeping in from somewhere above her head, moonlight, and it’s just about enough for her to see by. There’s a man strung up from the rafters that looks enough like Haley and Ben that Meira feels pretty safe in guessing “Tommy Collins?”

“Yeah.” Tommy says breathlessly. “I thought you were dead.”

“That’s what I wanted it to think.” Meira tells him with a shrug, clambering to her feet and dusting herself off. “Now, let’s see if we can’t get you down.” She wishes, briefly but intensely, for her blade. It’s right there, sitting inside her soul, and she can’t manifest it. Instead, she casts about for something in the cave that they’re in, and settles on a broken shard of rock from the floor of the cave. It worked for prehistoric people well enough.

“How- how’d you know who I am?” Tommy asks after Meira’s been sawing at the ropes for a few minutes. They’re starting to fray, finally, which is a relief.

“Your brother and sister have come looking for you.” Meira tells him. “Brought me and a couple others along with them.”

“Oh, god.” Tommy groans. “Are they okay?”

“Worried about you, but otherwise, yeah. Last I saw, anyway. And D- Dean and Sam know how to handle a wendigo. They’ll look after them, I promise.” Tommy lets out a shuddering breath, nodding to himself.

“I think this is backwards.” Tommy says in a tone of forced cheer. Meira hums curiously, scowling at the rope as she continues to work at it. “We’ll the beautiful damsel is rescuing the handsome knight from the monster.” He points out.

Meira snorts her way into laughter, and leans back to get a better look at him. “You are cute.” She acknowledges, and in other circumstances, she might have flirted back, because she’s gotten the feeling that both Haley and Tommy are straight. “But your sister’s cuter.” She adds, going back to her work. The rope gives way before Tommy manages to muster up a response to that. He staggers when he drops, having been strung up for so long and deprived of sustenance that his balance is shot to shit. Meira catches him and slings one of his arms over her shoulder. “Do you know if your friends are still alive?” She asks him. There’s no one else in this cave, she doesn’t think, although she can’t be entirely sure of that with her grace locked down like this, but she’s pretty sure this won’t be the only place the wendigo has to stash its snacks.

She feels more than sees Tommy shake his head. “N-no, it-” He stammers out. “Oh god.” He says, and Meira recognises that tone well enough to shift the way she’s supporting him so that when he doubles over and retches, she doesn’t get covered in bile.

“Easy.” Meira soothes, rubbing a hand over his back. He dry heaves a few more times, but manages to regain control of himself after that. “Yeah, I can’t imagine watching something like that was any fun.” She muses, tugging him back upright and setting off. She hopes she can remember the way out. “Let’s get you out of here.”

“What about- about that thing?” Tommy asks her as they stagger along, into the first of several pitch-black tunnels.

“It’s almost certainly out in the woods right now, hunting the others.” Meira tells him, which she is aware is not as comforting as it could be, given that ‘the others’ includes family for both of them. Tommy swears, and Meira grimaces, figuring she can at least help a little bit. “Sam and Dean know how to handle something like this.” She assures him. “And they have plenty of fire. They’ll keep Haley and Ben safe. And I’m going to keep you safe.”

“In normal circumstances, that would sound ridiculous.” Tommy mutters.

“Don’t be sexist.” Meira chides, but she keeps her tone light, and gives him a gentle little jostle with her shoulder to let him know she’s mostly teasing. Then she sobers, because short of actually eating her alive, which admittedly is a possibility, the wendigo can’t kill her, but it could definitely kill Tommy, and if he’s going to play machismo bullshit because she’s a lady, she really does need to nip that in the bud. “But I’m serious. If it does come back, if we run into it, don’t you dare try to play the hero, alright?” She puts a touch of divine command into her tone. “I am not your responsibility, do not wait for me, do not come back for me, do not try to throw yourself into harms way to protect me. Am I clear?”

“Yes, ma’am.” Tommy mumbles, resentful and bewildered.

The rest of the slog out of the mines is made in silence, save for Tommy’s ragged breathing and Meira’s occasional curse when she makes a wrong turn and they have to double back. Finally, though, Meira picks out a hint of light and follows it to the exit. It looks like it might have been boarded up once, but the wendigo has made a neat little opening for itself, and she and Tommy stagger out into in the dim grey-blue light of false dawn.

Tommy chokes back a sob of relief. Meira grins at the sound and shifts him higher on her shoulder. “Come on, we don’t want to get caught here if it comes back.” She points out, and that convinces Tommy to pick up his pace. It’s still slow going, because he’s still pretty unhealthy after two days chained up in a cave with minimal sustenance. The wendigo probably wouldn’t have fed him, but they had been known to give captives water. They also have undergrowth to contend with now, and Meira might heal a broken ankle, but Tommy won’t.

“Where… are the others?” Tommy asks.

Which is a hell of a good question. “I have no idea.” Meira tells him, feigning cheer. “Right now our priorities are water and some way of making fire.” She informs him, and Tommy drags them to a stop.

Tommy clearly knows more about wilderness survival than she does, because within a few minutes of her pointing out a need for it, Tommy has somehow managed to get a small fire going. They’re still too close to the wendigo’s lair for Meira’s comfort, but having a weapon that might actually do something to it is more important than trying to escape something that could outstrip a bullet. They build up a campfire, draw some protective sigils, and Meira fashions them both makeshift torches, wishing bitterly that she wasn’t reduced to such primitive tools all the while.

Meira risks leaving Tommy alone with the sigils to protect him just long enough to see if she can find any hint of running water nearby. She does, so they relocate, going through the whole process of warding all over again, this time closer to the water. Tommy looks a lot better for the chance to drink and wash his face, and then they have to figure out what the hell to do next.

“Finding the others ought to be priority over killing the wendigo.” Meira muses. “There’s just the problem of how to actually go about that.”

Tommy nods grimly. “If it wasn’t for the monster out there that wants to eat us, I’d say set up a base camp, search outwards, leave signs.” He summarises. Meira is about to suggest that they should do exactly that, then, when a furious snarl echoes through the woods. Tommy flinches so hard he falls over where he’s sitting, only barely catching himself with one hand in the dirt.

“Think it noticed we’re missing?” Meira asks rhetorically.

They sit, tense and wary, in the ensuing silence, waiting for something to happen. It doesn’t for long enough that Meira begins to wonder if she should do something. Then the yelling starts. “Help! Help me!” Meira clenches her hands into fists, heart squeezing.

“You know that’s not going to work, right?” She calls, standing slowly and bringing two of their burning sticks with her, one in each hand. Tommy hisses at her, grabbing at the hem of her coat as if that might make her sit and stop baiting the monster. A snarl answers her words, echoing oddly as the wendigo moves mid-sound and the doppler effect turns it multi-toned. “What? Pissed because you couldn’t kill me? We’re pretty tough prey, I bet you’ve figured by now. All this exertion must be making you kinda hungry.”

The roar that follows shakes the forest, full of fury and malice, and Meira nearly giggles hysterically. She only has the barest idea of what she’s doing, and her hands are shaking with the terror of having a predator that’s bigger than her focused solely on her, but she knows, she knows from painful, bitter experience that making someone angry makes them sloppy in the short term. And any advantage she can wring out of this situation, she needs.

Tauntingly, she steps a little closer to the edge of the protective sigils. And there it is, sprinting too fast for the mortal eye to catch, close enough to make the underbrush rustle right next to where Meira is standing, but not quite close enough for her to hit with one of her torches. Meira doesn’t want to start a forest fire, but oh, boy, is she tempted right now. “Is that supposed to scare me?” She mocks.

The wendigo rushes by again, and then- stops. In plain view. Not even looking at her. Tommy makes a choked noise of horror, and the wendigo doesn’t even twitch. Meira is so tempted to lunge out of the sigils at it, but it’s too easy, and she hesitates. She hesitates like an idiot until it’s suddenly gone, bounding off into the forest, and she realises what must have happened.

It heard something she couldn’t. Something that was easier prey.

“For fuck’s sake!” She explodes, and goes after it, even though it’s probably going to get her eaten.

“Hey! Hey, wait!” Tommy calls.

“Stay in the circle!” Meira calls over her shoulder. “If it comes back, set it on fire!”

The wendigo appears in front of her in an instant. Meira swings on instinct, a little too slow because she’s so off her game right now, but a little too slow is still something, because the flames pass by the wendigo’s emaciated flesh with inches to spare, and it must feel the heat, because it shrieks, an awful, too human sound of pain. A huge clawed hand strikes out, and tears right through the sleeve of her leather coat and into the flesh beneath. “Shit!” She curses, pained and indignant in equal measure, because if she’s guessing right about the limits on her abilities, she’s not going to be able to fix that.

“Meira?!” Uncle Sam’s voice shouts.

The wendigo ignores him, which means Meira succeeded in pissing it off. She ducks the second set of claws aiming for her throat, and then swings both torches up and in. They crash into either side of the wendigo’s head, and the smell of scorched flesh fills the forest just as Sam skids into view. The wendigo screams, rearing back and disappointingly not dead. Meira gears up for another swing, and the wendigo bolts. It’s gone in a flash, and Meira is about to go after it, to press her advantage, but then Uncle Sam is right in front of her, eyes wide. “Are you alright?” He demands, looking between her face and her arm.

“I’ll be fine.” Meira assures him, lowering her arms and hissing when the wound pulls. “My jacket on the other hand…” She bitches, tugging at the shoulder to get a better look at the tears. She whines when she gets a proper look at the damage.

“You bitch-slapped a wendigo in the face with a medieval torch, and you’re just upset about your jacket?” Sam asks incredulously.

Meira considers that. “I… huh. That was pretty cool, wasn’t it?” Sam snorts, shaking his head like he genuinely can’t believe her. Meira grins, before the situation catches up with her, and she jerks her head back the way she came. “We should get behind the wards I set up if we’re going to catch up.”

Sam, though, shakes his head. “I’ve gotta-” He gestures after the wendigo. Meira is just about to point out that running off half-cocked is going to get him dead, despite the disorientation of having to tell her Uncle that, when he goes on. “It took Dean and Haley.”

Meira stares at him for a long moment, then tips her head back. “Oh, you’ve gotta be kidding me!” She whines at the sky. “I just got Tommy out!”

“You got Tommy?” Sam echoes, brightening.

Meira nods, and realises there’s really only one thing for her to do. “I’ll wait with him while you go help the others?” She offers, and Sam nods once, sharp and decisive. Meira thrusts one of the torches at him. “Here. Take that.” Sam does, muttering a quick thanks before he’s rushing off again, and Meira goes back to sit with Tommy.

It’s not even half an hour later when she hears footsteps, people moving through the woods, and then the others appear through the trees, all of them in a straggly exhausted group. Haley and Ben both let out cries of relief when they see their brother, and stumble into a sort of run while Tommy clambers to his feet in order to embrace them.

“Wendigo’s dead?” Meira checks.

“Yeah.” Dean confirms. “Shot it point blank with a flaregun.” He adds proudly. Meira whistles, impressed. Dean grins back at her. “Heard you hit it in the face with a torch?” He asks, jerking his head at Sam to indicate just where he heard that. “Pretty awesome.”

Meira shrugs, grinning bashfully. “I did what I could.”

Then she realises that Roy is watching her very intently. He looks more than a little worse for wear, something a bit wild around his eyes that suggests he’s not taking the existence of the supernatural very well at all. “You’re alive.” He says when Meira catches his eye.

“Yeah.” Meira confirms.

Roy swallows. “Coulda sworn that thing broke your neck.” He says, all of a sudden not quite able to look at her and instead staring somewhere over her shoulder.

“Oh, man, it tried.” She replied, grinning in a strange, giddy relief at the memory of how easily her grace had healed her. “Shook me like a ragdoll. But I’m fine.” She adds to reassure him, because he still looks a bit haunted.

Roy nods. There’s a long pause, and then he clears his throat. “You saved my life. When I was being an idiot.” He adds briskly, grimacing at himself. “Thank you.”

Meira shrugs, smiling ruefully. “Just because you’re an asshole, doesn’t mean you deserve to die.”

Dean snorts in amusement at that, and interrupts before Roy can say anything else. It doesn’t look like he knows what to say in any case. “Come on, let’s get back to civilisation. I don’t know about any of you lot, but I’m getting a little sick of these woods.”

No one’s going to object to that, so they get themselves organised, and follow Roy’s recovered GPS out of the forest. Along the way they discuss what, exactly, to tell the authorities, getting their stories straight. Meira’s mostly quiet as they hike, trying to figure out what she’s going to do now. Ideally, she wants to stick with Dean and Sam, but she isn’t entirely sure how to go about inviting herself along. She knows from her dad’s stories that he and Uncle Sam had been kind of codependent when they were younger, and trying to insert herself into such a close-knit dynamic is going to difficult.

She still hasn’t come up with any good ideas when they get back to a road and call the paramedics. Then it’s all chaos as everyone asks questions and gets medical attention. Sam tries to point the paramedics at Meira, but Meira dodges them with the excuse that it was just a scratch, she’ll be fine. “Hey.” Someone says behind her, and she turns to find Haley standing there, looking exhausted and overwhelmed.

“Hey, you alright?” Meira checks, touching her lightly on the arm.

Haley nods. “Thanks to you.” Meira shakes her head, but Haley presses the point. “You saved Tommy. You saved my brother.”

Meira relents with a smile, and shifts her hand up to brush her knuckles lightly over Haley’s cheek. “I’m glad I could help.” She says sincerely. Haley huffs, smiling incredulously.

“You never let up, do you?” She asks.

Meira shrugs and retreats. “I do mean it.” She points out.

Haley considers her for a long moment, then nods. “Yeah, I got that.” She acknowledges. Then she glances over to where Dean is finally escaping the paramedics himself. “I should go and say thank you to them, too.” She says, and Meira nods, watching her go. She watches them talk for a moment, before an idea occurs to her, and she hurries off to pickpocket a ranger, talk to Roy, and then circle back around to Haley. She gets there just in time to hear her say “Must you cheapen the moment?”

“Yeah.” Dean replies, as if it should be obvious.

Haley shakes her head, catches sight of Meira, and rolls her eyes. “The pair of you, I swear.” She huffs, and Meira grins. She’s heard it before, mostly from Qaada. Dad always protested that she’s way more like Pabbi, but given that the pair of them are the same flavour of irreverent flirt, she figures that’s one and the same.

Meira flips her stolen pen over in her fingers and proffers it to Haley. Haley takes it with a quizzical expression, while Meira shoves up her sleeve and presents her arm to her. “Gimme your number, and once I can get my hands on a new phone, I’ll text you.”

Haley narrows her eyes playfully. “And why should I?”

For once, Meira doesn’t rise to the bait. “Because then if you get into any other trouble, or if you see anything else weird, you can call me.” She explains. Haley’s eyes widen a little, and then she nods and scribbles a phone number onto Meira’s arm.

“Smooth.” Dean comments, half complimentary, half resentful, and Meira elbows him in retaliation. He elbows her back.

Haley shakes her head at both of them again, and then, surprising the hell out of Meira, she leans in and kisses them each on the cheek, Meira, and then Dean. “I hope you find your father.” She says to Dean, who sobers at that, and then Sam and Ben amble over and Haley guides Ben off to go to the hospital with their brother.

“You going to be alright getting home?” Dean asks, startling Meira out of watching the little family leave in the ambulance.

Meira winces, trying not to think too hard about exactly how far away from home she really is. Dean catches it and raises his eyebrows at her. Over his shoulder, Sam is frowning in concern. “Don’t really have one of those anymore.” She admits quietly, since it’s mostly true. She’s just muddling her tenses a little bit. She swallows and glances sideways at Dean. “Mind if I hitch a ride with you guys?”

Dean glances back at Sam, who shrugs. “Sure.” Dean says, a little uncertainly. “I guess.”

Relief makes Meira’s shoulders slump. “Thanks.”

“You really don’t have anywhere to go, huh?” Sam asks, sounding sympathetic.

Meira gives a slightly bitter laugh at that. “No, I don’t. It’s… it’s all gone.” She raises her arms a little in indication. “This is everything I have right now.”

“Shit.” Dean breathes. “What happened?”

“What always happens to hunters.” Meira hedges, tucking her hands into her pockets and hunching into her coat uncomfortably. It’s not even entirely a lie. “They missed one, and it came back to bite them.”

“Well, you can stick with us for a while.” Sam offers.

“Thanks. I don’t mind helping you look for your dad for a while as repayment.” Meira replies, and they both nod their acceptance. Then Dean tips his head towards the Impala, and Meira goes, aware of the pair of them following along behind her.

She’s pretty sure she’s not really meant to hear it when Dean says, in an undertone. “Sam, you know we’re going to find Dad, right?”

“Yeah, I know.” Sam agrees heavily. “But in the meantime… I’m driving.”

There’s a long pause, long enough for Meira to reach the back door of the Impala and turn to look at them. She’s just in time to see Dean flip the keys across to Sam, and she ducks her head on a smile. As long as she’s stuck here in the past, this is exactly where she wants to be; with her family.

[that-shamrock-vibe]

Disney+ What To Watch: My Top 10 Favourite Disney Live-Action Remakes

#1. The Jungle Book

Not only does this 2016 live-action remake elevate the original material, not only was the first time seeing this movie in theatres possibly my favourite cinematic experience, and not only is this an all-star voice cast but Disney and Jon Favreau absolutely sell to me the experience of an almost completely CGI-rendered movie with one central “real” person and everything else brought to life via sound stage.

The 1967 animated version, as noted, is one of my favourite Disney Animated Classics. However, this live-action version is not only a more grounded version of the story but a more mature version also.

The plot of the original movie is still there with Shere Khan hunting Mowgli so Bagheera tries to take him to safety via the Man Village but the man cub wants to stay in the jungle which is where he meets Baloo but along the way also encounters various dangers.

However, the tone of the movie is decisively darker not only with Mowgli’s encounters with both Kaa and King Louie, the latter of whom seems to be somewhat of a Don in this reality, but also the relationship between man and the jungle animals is more explored with darker reasoning here.

Not only do we see how at least Mowgli’s father dies in this movie, by the claws of Shere Khan, but there is also the underline reasoning as to why Shere Khan fears man and man’s fire. As when Mowgli decides to steal fire from the man village to combat Shere Khan and inadvertantly setting the jungle ablaze on his journey, he discovers that even though these animals were civil to him beforehand, wielding fire and embracing the negative connotations associated with man makes even his wolf pack fear him.

Ben Kingsley as Bagheera and Bill Murray as Baloo are both surprising but brilliant casting choices. Not only do they embrace the characteristics of the original characters but they add their own nuances to the performances.

Idris Elba, once again, does not get enough credit for the work he puts in as the villainous Shere Khan here. Not only does he bring out the fear I had for the character as a child but there is something about Elba’s voice coming out of a realistic tiger that just seems natural.

Scarlett Johansson and Christopher Walken do the best with the minor roles they have, and to be fair Kaa and King Louie were secondary antagonists in the original movie, Kaa had more screen time granted but for this story it makes sense to just have her show up once. Also making Louie more formidable as a villain rather than being as laissez-faire as he was in the original definitely made up for it.

Lupita Nyang’o and Giancarlo Esposito unfortunately fall into the minor character category here, despite Lupita helping to promote this movie as she was on an upward career trajectory at the time. But to be fair, being in that minor character category isn’t something to be ashamed of here as there are a surprisingly high calibre of voice cameos here including director Jon Favreau, Sam Raimi, Ralph Ineson, Hannah Tointon and voice acting veteran Dee Bradley Baker.

But the biggest surprise here is the child actors before voice overs and the one main cast member in front of the camera Neel Sethi. I have to say, it’s been almost four years since the movie was released and I am shocked that this kid has not got more work. I am well aware there is a lockdown and enforced cease order on movie making, but that doesn’t mean movies can’t be cast. I mean I understood why he wasn’t the voice of Young Simba but that doesn’t mean he can’t be in other things.

I’m also a big fan of the ending to this movie. Not only is the battle between Mowgli and Shere Khan more intense, extravagant and cinematic but also the fact Mowgli does not end up at the Man Village and instead stays in the Jungle with his adoptive family and friends I feel is a better ending to the movie.

It’s not the type of movie that needs songs, but the three songs they reworked from the original movie were very cleverly used here. “The Bare Necessities” is a great little sing-song as Baloo and Mowgli are floating down the river, the little excerpt from “I Wan’na Be Like You” is not only much better than Chiwetel Ejiofer’s take on “Be Prepared” from The Lion King but the arrangement works so well for Christopher Walken’s natural style that the only thing that would make it better is if King Louie could some how get up and dance.

“Trust in Me” meanwhile plays as a great end-credits song, Scarlett Johansson does a very good job at combining the hypnotic elements of the song with the sultry new elements the character seems to bring in.

The CGI on everything in this movie looks incredible. The wolves, who are my personal favourites, look amazing and the cubs look cute. As I said before, Shere Khan, Kaa and even King Louie look intimidating. I don’t know how an oversized orangutan looks intimidating but it is managed rather well here. It all simply works so well.

Overall, there isn’t a lot I can fault with the movie, do I think it needs a sequel as the original had? No, do I think it deserves one? If the follow-up story is as good this one. Unlike the animated version I don’t want a dip in quality here.

So what do you guys think? Post your comments and check out more Disney+ What to Watch Top 10s as well as more Top 10 Lists and other posts.

[yescs2020]

apparently this list was blocked in Canada and Cuba and all it is is somebody’s opinion:   By Hannah Mylrea- 8th September 2020 “Every Taylor Swift song ranked in order of greatness She's one of the greatest pop stars in the world, and she's released the official lockdown album in 'Folklore'. But which is Tay's single best song of all time?” article with rankings starts here:

A few months ago Taylor Swift did something totally un-Swiftian, and surprise released her latest record ‘Folklore’. The indie-inspired album, which featured collaborations with Bon Iver and The National‘s Aaron Dessner, was remarkable and unexpected, and another example of the bold moves Swift has navigated throughout her career.

From the country of her early albums to the glittering synth-pop of ‘1989’ and experimental sounds of ‘Reputation’, this is an artist who’s constantly reinvented her sound. Yet at the core of it one thing remains: Swift’s sheer songwriting talent. It’s worth remembering that Taylor is the person who wrote ‘Love Story’ in 20minutes on her bedroom floor when she was only a teenager.

Now, almost a decade-and-a-half into her career, we look back on Swift’s glittering discography and rank every single one of her songs. That’s right: all 161 of ’em.

A few caveats to begin with – no officially unreleased songs have been included, nor songs that are “featuring Taylor Swift”. Anything written under a pseudonym has also been forgone (so her credit as Nils Sjöberg ‘This Is What You Came For’ isn’t given a look in). We have, however, included officially released cover songs – so that includes all of the Swifty renditions on the ‘Speak Now World Tour Live’ record and her bevvy of Christmas covers.

Additional words: El Hunt, Nick Reilly

161‘Christmases When You Were Mine’ (2007)

There’ve been a handful of Swift-does-Christmas moments over the years. Some are truly lovely – but this original tune from 2007 EP ‘The Taylor Swift Holiday Collection’ is not one of them.

160‘Superstar’ (2008)

A syrupy song about Swift fancying a celebrity, the puppy love of ‘Superstar’ is innocuous but bland.

159‘You Are in Love’ (2014)

A sweet bonus track from ‘1989’, it’s inoffensive but you can see why it was only bunged on the end of the deluxe edition of the album.

158‘White Christmas’ (2007)

This festive cover is absolutely fine – nothing more, nothing less.

157‘Silent Night’ (2007)

A cover of the classic Christmas carol, Swift well and truly puts her stamp on Franz Xaver Gruber’s song. Growing to a melodramatic finale, it’s an overblown rendition.

156‘Beautiful Ghosts’ (2019)

Written by Swift and musical theatre composer Andrew Lloyd Webber for last year’s film adaptation of Cats, this is a bit slushy. But, no, we wouldn’t say it’s a CAT-astrophe.

155‘Christmas Must Be Something More’ (2007)

Another festive tune: this time Swift questions the commercial nature of Christmas over rootin’ tootin’ country instrumentals, concluding that December 25th is actually about “the birthday boy who saved our lives”. Happy birthday JC!

154‘Umbrella’ (2008)

An acoustic cover from Swift’s ‘iTunes Live from SoHo’ EP. It’s nice, but little more to it.

153‘American Girl’ (2009)

A cover of the Tom Petty classic, you can’t deny it’s a beast of a song. But this slowed down rendition saps some of the energy out of it.

152‘Last Christmas’ (2007)

There’s plenty of Christmas joy in this cover, but it doesn’t have a patch on the Wham! classic.

151‘King of My Heart’ (2017)

This electro-pop moment has a sweet sentiment: that the extravagance of past relationships isn’t what Swift wants anymore, and now this new love interest could be The One (“Is this the end of all the endings? / My broken bones are mending”). But this soppiness is delivered over jittery instrumentation, which three years on already sounds dated.

150‘If This Was A Movie’ (2010)

A bonus track from ‘Speak Now’, ‘If This Was a Movie’ is frustratingly repetitive. With its droning guitar licks and dreary chorus, it stutters towards the finish line.

149‘Last Kiss’ (2010)

A plodding waltz from ‘Speak Now’. Fine, but by no means vintage Taylor.

148‘Santa Baby’ (2007)

A twee cover of the iconic Christmas song, it’s a sauceless version of the usually sultry festive bop.

147‘I Did Something Bad’ (2017)

A cavernous slab of EDM, this was basically Swift proving that she’s a good girl gone bad. The devilish lyrics are fun (“They say I did something bad / Then why’s it feel so good?”), the dubstep-laced hook of “Ra-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-da-da” less so.

146‘You’re Not Sorry’ (2008)

Imagine Swift doing Eurovision – this is what ‘You’re Not Sorry’ sounds like. Filled with melodramatic piano chords and overdone vocals, it’s a histrionic ballad that you can imagine accompanied with bombastic visuals and a ton of pyro.

145‘Girl At Home’ (2012)

The bubbling ‘Girl at Home’ fuses the driving country of ‘Red’ with bleeping 8-bit sounds, and is a sweet but bland tune.

144‘Come Back… Be Here’ (2012)

A weepy ballad where Swift reminisces over a lost love, this is uneventful – but fair play to Swift for managing to get “nonchalant” into a pop song.

143‘I Want You Back’ (2011)

A cover of The Jackson 5 taken from the from live album ‘Speak Now World Tour – Live’, this 90-second cover is short, sweet and absolutely fine.

142‘The Way I Loved You’ (2008)

A bit of a head-banging country moment, ‘The Way I Love You’ lacks the radio-ready hooks and megawatt moments of Swift’s other tunes.

141‘So It Goes…’ (2017)

An ethereal synth-pop moment laced with EDM and trap, this ‘Reputation’ cut is sleepy filler.

140‘Sweet Escape’ (2011)

This Gwen Stefani cover is deliciously entertaining, with Swift spitting out the tongue-twister pre-chorus of “Cause I’ve been acting like sour milk that fell on the floor / It’s your fault you didn’t shut the refrigerator” and almost nailing it. Taken from the Target DVD version of ‘Speak Now World Tour – Live’, is an intriguing rendition.

139‘This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things’ (2017)

This song was written as a response to the media after they criticised her decision to throw big parties for her pals and get them up on stage during the tour for ‘1989’ – things she considered “nice things”; a powerful sentiment, but an acquired taste.

138‘Haunted’ (2010)

Sounding like it should be accompanying a wild fantasy movie, with over-the-top strings and belted vocals, ‘Haunted’ feels like the younger sibling to Swift’s fairy-tale epics such as ‘Love Story’. They’re fine, but lack the nuance that some of her enchanting, happy ending filled romances boast.

137‘Long Live’ (2010)

A fairly pedestrian song from ‘Speak Now’, ‘Long Live’ is a fairly generic slice.

136‘Ours’ (2010)

With its muted acoustic instrumentals and mawkish lyrics, ‘Speak Now’ is sickly sweet.

135‘Breathe’ feat. Colbie Caillat (2008)

A sleepy, acoustic number that sees Swift teaming up with American singer-songwriter Colbie Caillat, it’s a largely forgettable tune taken from ‘Fearless’.

134‘Drops of Jupiter’ (2011)

Another cover from the ‘Speak Now’ live album, this rendition of Train��s 2001 hit ‘Drops of Jupiter’ is a stripped-back version of the bombastic pop rock song.

133‘…Ready for It?’ (2017)

This slab of industrial pop opens Swift’s ‘Reputation’. With its dubstep wubs, EDM beats and trappy instrumentals, this messy number feels like a tug of war between this collection of different genres.

132‘September’ (2018)

Earth, Wind & Fire, but make it Swifty! Recorded for the Spotify Singles series, this stripped back cover is lovely. Plus it features a typically Swiftian Easter egg, where she changes the opening line of “Do you remember the 21st night of September?” to the 28th night, a cute tribute to her anniversary with boyfriend Joe Alwyn.

131‘This Love’ (2014)

A weepy moment from ‘1989’, ‘This Love’ feels remarkably maudlin when nestled in-between the bevvy of synth-pop bops that Swift’s fifth album holds.

130‘A Place In This World’ (2006)

Written when she was just 13 years old, ‘A Place In This World’, it feels like a glimpse into a Swift’s secret diary. Opening with the wonderfully teenage: “I don’t know what I want, so don’t ask me”, it’s the musical equivalent of telling your mum that she just doesn’t understand you!

129‘Superman’ (2010)

If you were ever imagining what Taylor Swift covering McFly would sound like – this could be it. The cheesy ‘Speak Now’ bonus track is filled with adolescent lyrics (“I watch superman fly away / Come back, I’ll be with you someday”), and is topped off with a pop-punk tinged chorus.

128‘I Heart?’ (2008)

Taken from Swift’s second EP ‘Beautiful Eyes’ – one that was exclusively released in Walmart in the US – this is a lovely country bop.

127‘A Perfectly Good Heart’ (2006)

An absolutely fine slice of country-pop from TayTay’s first album. On ‘A Perfectly Good Heart’ Swift depicts her very first experience of heartbreak. It’s one of her earliest breakup ballads, but quasi-emotive couplets like “It’s not unbroken anymore / How do I get it back the way it was before?” fail to pack the emotional punch some of Swift’s later tunes do.

126‘Untouchable’ (2008)

This cover of rock band Luna Halo’s ‘Untouchable’ is sweet, but largely unexciting.

125‘Jump Then Fall’ (2008)

A bonus track taken from the platinum edition of ‘Fearless’. Swift herself has described the song as “really bouncy and happy and lovey”. It’s an accurate description, as the bouncing banjo-led number is sickly sweet, but lacks much depth.

124‘Sad Beautiful Tragic’ (2012)

A weeper taken from ‘Red’, this gloomy tune sees Swift reflect on a relationship that was a “sad, beautiful, tragic love affair”.

123‘Bette Davis Eyes’ (2011)

A song popularised by Californian singer-songwriter Kim Carnes in 1981, Taylor’s live cover of ‘Bette Davis Eyes’ is nice but innocuous.

122‘Breathless’ (2010)

A uninspired cover of American alt-rockers Better Than Ezra’s ‘Breathless’, Swift performed the tune for Hope for Haiti Now: A Global Benefit for Earthquake Relief in 2010 (with her version later appearing on live album ‘Hope for Haiti Now’).

121‘Look What You Made Me Do’ (2017)

It’s only TayTay sampling Right Said Fred’s ‘I’m Too Sexy’! The bolshy ‘Reputation’ lead single  saw Swift giving a massive middle-finger up to the haters, and accompanied her comeback after a year-long hiatus. It impact was huge at the time, but in the meantime ‘Look What You Made Me Do’ feels like a bit of a mis-step.

120‘Crazier’ (2009)

It appeared on the soundtrack for ‘Hannah Montana: The Movie’, and critics said it was the best song in the film. Bad luck, Miley.

119‘Eyes Open’ (2012)

From the soundtrack to The Hunger Games, ‘Eyes Open’ sees Swift go stadium rock. Too bad hair-whipping number’s repetitive chorus begins to grate.

118‘Nashville’ (2011)

A cover of Nashville-based singer-songwriter David Mead’s ‘Nashville’, this cover (taken from the Target exclusive version ‘Speak Now World Tour – Live’; yes, we’re really into the deep-cuts here) is pretty impassioned .

117‘Invisible’ (2006)

On this lacklustre cut from Swift’s eponymous debut album ‘Invisible’, she laments feeling invisible to the boy she fancies. It’s a bleak sentiment, and the emotive instrumentals in ‘Invisible’ mimic this.

116‘Hoax’ (2020)

The least memorable moment from the fantastic ‘Folklore’, this slow, waltzing tune is inoffensive, but lacks excitement.

115‘London Boy’ (2019)

The lyrics to this ‘Lover’ cut are wild. On ‘London Boy’ Swift proudly asserts her love for the nation’s capital, listing her fave places (including Brixton, Shoreditch, Highgate and for some God-forsaken reason “walking Camden Market in the afternoon”). With a bizarre spoken word intro from James Corden and Idris Elba, it’s cringe and weirdly entertaining in equal measures.

114‘Wonderland’ (2014)

It’s Swift does EDM, and it’s total chaos (albeit with a chorus that’ll be frustratingly caught in your head for weeks on end).

113‘Tied Together with a Smile’ (2006)

A bonus track from the debut album, ‘Tied Together With a Smile’ was written the day Swift found out one of her best mates was bulimic. An early indicator of Swift’s impressive turn of phrase (“And you’re tied together with a smile / But you’re coming undone”), it’s a lovely country moment.

112‘Beautiful Eyes’ (2008)

The title track from Swift’s EP of the same name, ‘Beautiful Eyes’ is an underrated stomper from TayTay’s extended discography.

111‘This Is Me Trying’ (2020)

A slow-burner from ‘Folklore’, this soft ballad sees Swift grapple with accepting blame for a crumbling relationship.

110‘My Tears Ricochet’ (2020)

This Jack Antonoff produced tune from ‘Folklore’ is about an “embittered tormentor showing up at the funeral of his fallen object of obsession.” Although fairly unremarkable, it does include the brilliantly Swiftian put-down: “And if I’m dead to you, why are you at the wake?” Ooft.

109‘Me!’ feat. Brendon Urie of Panic! at the Disco (2019)

A saccharine collaboration with Panic! at the Disco’s Brendon Urie, this semi-irritating (and unbearably catchy) tune is an absolutely fine single from Miss Swift. Although it gained several places in our ranking after Swift removed the “Spelling is fun!” lyric.

108‘Come In With the Rain’ (2008)

‘Come In With The Rain’ sees Taylor showing off the country-pop that defined her early years. It’s a nostalgic snapshot at Taylor’s life before world domination became the main priority. NR

107‘Cold As You’ (2006)

As Shakespeare once wrote in ‘Sonnet 18’ – “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?” If it’s Tay Tay you’re asking, then absolutely not. Instead, this break-up ballad compares thee to a grey, dreary and completely sodden wash-out of a day. EH

106‘Never Grow Up’ (2010)

Taken from ‘Speak Now’, this ballad moment peers out into a dimly lit crowd, and sees Swift dealing out her best life advice for younger fans in particular. “I look out into a crowd every night and I see a lot of girls that are my age and going through exactly the same things as I’m going through,” she’s said. “Every once in a while I look down and I see a little girl who is seven or eight, and I wish I could tell her all of this. There she is becoming who she is going to be and forming her thoughts and dreams and opinions. I wrote this song for those little girls.” EH

105‘Bad Blood’ feat. Kendrick Lamar (2017)

This Kendrick Lamar-featuring cut would have been right at home on Taylor Swift’s villainous ‘Reputation’ – a record on which she embraced her false depictions in the media, and ran with them. Instead, though, it felt like an outlier on ‘1989’. Swift herself said that it’s a song about a friendship with a fellow pop star that turned sour: “She basically tried to sabotage an entire arena tour,” she told Rolling Stone. “She tried to hire a bunch of people out from under me.” EH

104‘Afterglow’ (2019)

It’s a crying shame that the track fails to live up to its title. There’s little that live longs in the memory about this drum-driven number from ‘Lover’. NR

103‘The Other Side of the Door’ (2008)

A slightly slept-on fan favourite, ‘The Other Side of the Door’ features a deliciously dramatic guitar solo and even more melodrama. Like so: “I said, ‘leave’, but all I really want is you to stand outside my window throwing pebbles screaming ‘I’m in love with you’’. Exquisite. EH

102‘Soon You’ll Get Better’ feat. the Chicks (2019)

Featuring country music icons The Chicks, ‘Soon You’ll Get Better’ is one of Swift’s most personal songs; both of her parents have had cancer, and this year the singer confirmed that her mother Andrea has been diagnosed with a brain tumour. It’s a difficult listen precisely because it’s so incredibly honest. “I hate to make this all about me but who am I supposed to talk to?” she asks. “What am I supposed to do if there’s no you?” EH

101‘Miss Americana & the Heartbreak Prince’ (2019)

A slow burning, electro-pop moment that’s meant for soundtracking a moody walk to the shops in the rain.

100‘Ronan’ (2012)

One of Swift’s most affecting ballads, this song pieces together quotes from a blog by a mother named Maya Thompson, who wrote about her journey with four-year-old son Ronan, who died from a rare cancer called neuroblastoma in 2011. Swift credited his mum as a co-writer and donated all the proceeds to charity. EH

99‘Stay Beautiful’ (2006)

This twanging debut cut is dedicated to the high school crush that Swifty never worked up the courage to ask out; and by the time he moved away, it was too late. “After hearing my songs, a lot of people ask me, `How many boyfriends have you had?’” she said of the song. “And I always tell them that more of my songs come from observation than actual experience. In other words, you don’t have to date someone to write a song about them. This is a song I wrote about a guy I never dated!” EH

98‘Tell Me Why’ (2008)

Despite including the brilliantly searing take-down of “You could write a book on how to ruin someone’s perfect day” this up-tempo bop is errs on the side of humdrum.

97‘The Outside’ (2006)

One of the first songs Swift ever wrote, ‘The Outside’ speaks to the feeling of being a misfit growing up: “So how can I ever try to be better?”  she asks, “Nobody ever lets me in”. EH

96‘Getaway Car’ (2017)

This banger from ‘Reputation’ references novelist Charles Dickens, epic war film The Great Escape, a runaway Bonnie and Clyde and even various meta details from Swift’s own romantic life. EH

95‘Mirrorball’ (2020)

In her candid 2020 documentary Miss Americana, Taylor Swift speaks about the struggle of your every move being followed by an audience and remarks that many women, particularly in pop, are “discarded in an elephant graveyard by the time they’re 35.” Broadly, this is what ‘Mirrorball’ seems to be about; balancing her skill for performing with the huge pressure of constant reinvention. “All I do is try, try, try I’m still on that trapeze,” she says, “I’m still trying everything, to keep you looking at me””. EH

94‘Change’ (2008)

Delivered as an official anthem for the 2008 US Olympic Team, here’s a track that sees Swift exploring the idea of overcoming adversity on the road to success. It’s easy to be cynical about it all, but it gave Swift her first US top 10, so maybe that message got through after all. NR

93‘Innocent’ (2010)

Sometimes the best revenge is to take the moral high ground. And performing at the MTV VMAs – where Kanye West infamously snatched the mic from Taylor Swift mid-acceptance speech – Swift appeared to get hers by playing ‘Innocent’. “You’re 32 and still growing up now,” she sings. Guess how old West was when he declared “I’mma let you finish, but…” Yep. EH

92‘Begin Again’ (2012)

Marking one of ‘Red’’s more pointed returns to her country roots, ‘Begin Again is, according to Swift, “about when you’ve gotten through a really bad relationship and you finally dust yourself off and go on that first date after a horrible breakup, and the vulnerability that goes along with all that”. EH

91‘I Know Places’ (2014)

Ahead of making ‘1989’ Swift long harboured ambitions of working with Ryan Tedder – most recognisable as the lead vocalist of One Republic and record producer for everyone from Adele to Lady Gaga. And their eventual collaboration came about on ‘I Know Places’ – a song that explores falling in love amid high pressure fame, and finding places to outrun the cameras. EH

90‘The Lucky One’ (2012)

Speculation orbits around ‘The Lucky One’ – which dissects the more taxing sides of fame that people don’t speak about. “Now it’s big black cars, and Riviera views, and your lover in the foyer doesn’t even know you,” Swift sings, “and your secrets end up splashed on the news front page”. Fans reckon it’s about everyone from Joni Mitchell and Shania Twain to Kim Wilde. Possibly, it could also be a reflection of Swift’s future fears. EH

89‘You Need to Calm Down’ (2019)

Delivering an effective riposte to endless streams of internet trolls can often prove to be the toughest of tasks. It’s testament to Swift then, that she managed to deliver a swift fuck you, all packaged up in the shape of a bonafide banger. Bow down. NR

88‘How You Get the Girl’ (2014)

The 10th track from ‘1989’ is like the less sabotage-hungry answer to Robyn’s ‘Call Your Girlfriend’ – here, Taylor’s full with useful tips for winning an ex back after an unwise dumping. She’s even got a script ready. “And then you say: “I want you for worse or for better, I would wait forever and ever,” she sings, “broke your heart / I’ll put it back together.” EH

87‘New Year’s Day’ (2017)

The groggy clear up that takes place after a raucous New Year’s house party has never sounded so idyllic – despite the fact their entire floor is splattered with glitter and stale old beer spilling out of half-empty bottles, Swift’s just happy to have a worthy clean-up buddy. “I want your midnights,” she sings, “but I’ll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year’s Day” Sometimes those small, mundane moments are just as romantic. EH

86‘Dress’ (2017)

By a mile the steamiest cut from ‘Reputation’, this slinking song details the pang of secret lust in breathy falsetto. “Carve your name into my bedpost, ‘cause I don’t want you like a best friend,” Swifty pleads. “Only bought this dress so you could take it off.” Get it, girl! EH

85‘Mary’s Song (Oh My My My)’ (2006)

This debut album cut is archetypal vintage Swift, drawing on the people around her for storytelling material. Twanging and country-pop, ‘Mary’s Song (Oh My My My)’ borrows Swift’s next door neighbour – and her long, rock-solid marriage – as a protagonist. “I’ll be 87, you’ll be 89,” she sings wistfully, “I’ll still look at you like the stars that shine in the sky.” EH

84‘Christmas Tree Farm’ (2019)

Sure, it’s cheesier than an explosion at the Kraft factory, but this track sees Taylor successfully using the festive season to look back on her own childhood (she grew up on a Christmas tree farm). Christmas is now Swiftmas. NR

83‘Everything Has Changed’ feat. Ed Sheeran (2012)

Warm, fuzzy, and firmly hanging onto its rose-tinted glasses, this collaboration from ‘Red’ has a cutesy video to match, featuring miniature child versions of the pop stars. EH

82‘Should’ve Said No’ (2006)

“It’s strange to think the songs we used to sing, the smiles, the flowers, everything is gone; yesterday I found out about you,” sings Swift in the opening lines of this debut album cut – which exposes a boyfriend for cheating, and proceeds to rip him apart atop country-rock guitars and a ripper of a string solo. EH

81‘The Last Time’ feat. Gary Lightbody (2012)

On this intensely catchy anthem from ‘Red’, Swift teams up with none other than gruff-vocaled Gary Lightbody from Snow Patrol – lighters in the air, everyone. EH

80‘Starlight’ (2012)

This ‘Red’ cut sees Swift transporting back to the 1940s – inspired by a photo of two loved-up teenagers dancing together. The teenagers in the photograph were actually US senator Bobby Kennedy and his future wife Ethel, and ‘Starlight’ imagines their adventures early on. “I ended up meeting Ethel and going and playing it for her,” she wrote of the song, “and she just loved it,”. EH

79‘The Best Day’ (2009)

R’The Best Day’ is one of Swift’s earliest odes to her mother Andrea. Recalling her happy childhood, it’s a sweet, if somewhat cloying look at the early years of the planet’s biggest pop star. NR

78‘I’m Only Me When I’m With You’ (2006)

Easily one of the more head-banging moments of Swift’s debut – with the hardest slapping violin solo of 2006 – ‘I’m Only Me When I’m with You’ is dedicated to the singer’s best mate Abigail Anderson, who also features in the video. EH

77‘It’s Nice to Have a Friend’ (2019

A minimal intermingling of steel drums and choral backing vocals, ‘It’s Nice to Have a Friend’ arrives near the end of Swift’s ‘Lover’ – and also features some snow-tinted nostalgia, and slightly rogue but highly enjoyable brass solo. EH

76‘The Moment I Knew’ (2012)

Nine years ago, Taylor Swift had a right stinker of a 21st birthday – her ex boyfriend never showed, and left her sobbing beneath the Christmas lights (her birthday is on the 13th December). Still, at least it inspired this deluxe edition ‘Red’ song. EH

75‘Paper Rings’ (2019)

This fidgety cut from ‘Lover’ is Swifty’s big jitterbug moment – singing about her current boyfriend Joe Alwyn, she declares that she’s willing to chuck aside all her magpie tendencies just to be with him. “I like shiny things, but I’d marry you with paper rings,” she sings. Loved up – and thrifty! EH

74‘Only The Young’ (2020)

‘Only The Young’ saw Taylor truly nailing her political colours to the mast for the first time. Tackling gun violence and providing a message of hope for the next generation, Taylor emerged as the activist we all need right now. NR

73‘Treacherous’ (2012)

One of the quieter moments from ‘Red’, ‘Treacherous’ eventually grows to a subtle roar, and details a pairing that’s gradually unravelling like a ball of twine. “All we are is skin and bone, trained to get along / Forever going with the flow,” she sings, “but you’re friction”. EH

72‘Better Than Revenge’ (201)

Across Taylor Swift’s entire back catalogue, ‘Better than Revenge’ is perhaps best suited to soundtracking an angsty high school drama; think along the lines of 10 Things I Hate About You. It has its fair share of cutting one-liners, too. Case in point: “no amount of vintage dresses gives you dignity”. Burn. EH

71‘I Wish You Would’ (2014)

Co-written with frequent collaborator Jack Antonoff, ‘I Wish You Would’ started with a guitar line Antonoff sent to Swift during her Red tour – and it eventually evolved into this slightly Haim-ish pop juggernaut. Lyrically, it tells the story of a heartbroken protagonist who watches her window in the middle of the night and notices that headlights keep flickering past at the same time. “It’s two AM, here we are,” she sings for the big reveal, “I see your face, hear my voice in the dark.” EH

70‘Stay Stay Stay’ (2012)

If there’s anyone who specialises in nailing the many sides of romance, it’s Tay Tay – case in point, ‘Stay Stay Stay’. The song’s placed immediately after the defiant break-up anthem ‘We Are Never Getting Back Together’ on ‘Red’ – and in many ways, it’s that song’s foil. Atop chronically catchy ukulele, she details a more generous kind of love that’s still worth fighting for. EH

69‘Sweeter Than Fiction’ (2013)

Taken from the soundtrack for the movie One Chance, this John Hughes-channelling tune is a new-wave belter that forecast the shimmering synth-pop of Swift’s fifth album ‘1989’.

68‘False God’ (2019)

A sultry, R&B ballad filled with religious imagery and trap beats, ‘False God’ finds Swift all grown up.

67‘Don’t Blame Me’ (2017)

This thundering, foot-stomping, fist-pumping moment from ‘Reputation’ will make you want to set fire to your ex’s car (in the best possible way).

66‘August’ (2020)

This Jack Antonoff co-write from ‘Folklore’ is a melancholic dream-pop ballad. Part of a trio of songs that Swift has dubbed the Teenage Love Triangle, ‘August’ is the tune that comes from the point of view of the other woman, telling the story of forbidden love.

65‘The Lakes’ (2020)

The ethereal ‘Folklore’ bonus track sees TayTay channel the Lake Poets in a romantic number about love, resilience and the Lake District.

64‘Daylight’ (2019)

The lovely final song on ‘Lover’ is wistful number about healing, hope and healthy new relationships.

63‘Welcome to New York’ (2014)

The opening track on ‘1989’, ‘Welcome to New York’ ushers you into the sleek synth-pop world of Swift’s fifth album. With its bouncing bassline and hand-clapped beats, it’s a bombastic tribute to the Big Apple.

62‘I Forgot That You Existed’ (2019)

There comes a moment while growing up when you just stop caring about what everybody else thinks of you. The fizzing opening track on ‘Lover’ celebrates this, with TayTay rejoicing in the peace and quiet brought on by not giving a shit about the haters.

61‘Hey Stephen’ (2008)

‘Hey Stephen’ is the stuff of gooey rom-coms. “‘Cause I can’t help it if you look like an angel,” Swift sings over warm instrumentation, “can’t help it if I wanna kiss you in the rain”. It’s wonderfully schmaltzy stuff, and comes with a chorus you’ll sing full belt after a Tinder-date-gone-right – just don’t let the date hear you.

60‘I Almost Do’ (2012)

‘I Almost Do’, Swift’s explained, is “about the conflict that you feel when you want to take someone back, and you want to give it another try, but you know you can’t”. Exploring the internal battle between moving forward and looking back, the poignant ballad fuses country-pop with soft-rock, and the result is a brutally honest and quietly powerful song.

59‘I Think He Knows’ (2019)

This sharp-edged, upbeat moment from ‘Lover’ would have stood up well as a single – charting those early will-they-won’t-they moments complete with suggestive sighs. EH

58‘Mad Woman’ (2020)

This ‘Folklore’ track skewers the sexist trope of angry women being branded hysterical. “Every time you call me crazy, I get more crazy,” she claps back, rising to the challenge, “what about that?” EH

57‘Peace’ (2020)

Like much of ‘Folklore’, the sparse ‘Peace’ ponders how much life has changed, and celebrates a partnership strong enough to withstand the soaring highs and painful lows alike. EH

56‘Picture to Burn’ (2006)

Peak debut album angst, ‘Picture to Burn’ is jam-packed with sizzlingly mean one liners. Case in point: “I hate that stupid old pickup truck you never let me drive / You’re a redneck heartbreak who’s really bad at lying”. EH

55‘Fearless’ (2008)

Taylor Swift wrote the title track for her second album while touring her self-titled debut – whisked away from everyday life, the song muses on the perfect rainy first date. “I wanna ask you to dance right there, in the middle of the parking lot,” she says. EH

54‘Seven’ (2020)

Chiming and reflective, this string-adorned ‘Folklore’ track sees Swift hark back to childhood: “please picture me in the trees,” goes the opening line, throwing back to the Pennsylvanian Christmas tree farm where she grew up. It’s a snapshot of being young and carefree while real life gradually creeps into the picture – the song appears to be addressed to a friend who had a difficult upbringing. EH

53‘Call It What You Want’ (2017)

As far as years go, Taylor Swift’s 2016 was relatively tumultuous, featuring the whole ‘Famous’ lyrics debacle feud with Kanye West and Kim Kardashian and two very public break-ups. ‘Call It What You Want’ appears to address the singer weathering that particular series of storms, and finding quiet contentment with partner Joe Alwyn. “Call it what you want,” sings a smitten Swifty: she doesn’t care what people think any more. EH

52‘Death By A Thousand Cuts’ (2019)

Apparently inspired by the 2019 film Someone Great (which in part took influence from Swift’s ‘1989’ closer ‘Clean’) this upbeat track from ‘Lover’ seems to get inside the head of the film’s music journalist protagonist right before she flees heartbreak to another city. “I ask the traffic lights if it’ll be alright,” Swift sings, “they say, “I don’t know”. EH

51‘Dear John’ (2010)

Is ‘Dear John’ about Taylor Swift’s short-lived relationship with the musician John Mayer? Well – John Mayer certainly thinks so: he told Rolling Stone he was “humiliated” by the song, and added that “it was a really lousy thing for her to do.”  Tay Tay remained tight-lipped “How presumptuous!” she told New York Daily News. EH

50‘End Game’ feat. Ed Sheeran and Future (2017)

Taylor’s own homage to the R&B-laced slow jam, ‘End Game’ is less spiky than the rest of ‘Reputation’ – instead Swift muses on wanting her relationship to last forever, while Ed Sheeran and Future chip in with punny takes on reputations that precede them. EH

49‘White Horse’ (2008)

The dual-Grammy winning ‘White Horse’ is wonderfully understated moment. Filled with romantic, fairy-tale imagery, it’s run through a realist filter that makes it like the older, more sceptical sister to ‘Love Story’. It’s one of the best Swift heart-break ballads.

48‘Epiphany’ (2020)

The warm, unpretentious ‘Epiphany’ is an exquisite ‘Folklore’ song. Filled with powerful instrumentals that could have fallen off the latest Bon Iver record and Aaron Dessner’s glittering production, it sees Swift go full-on indie.

47‘The Archer’ (2019)

The minimalist The Archer is a meditative moment from ‘Lover’. Filled with ambient synths and soft instrumentals, as Swift discloses her own insecurities in a remarkably vulnerable way.

46‘Holy Ground’ (2012)

This galloping soft-rock moment celebrates whirlwind romances, and comes with a chorus perfect for shouting along to on road trips.

45‘I Don’t Wanna Live Forever’ with Zayn Malik (2017)

Look, it might have come from the soundtrack to the Fifty Shades of Grey sequel; but that doesn’t mean that Taylor’s collab with ex-1D member Zayn isn’t a bit of a banger. All sensual electro-pop and breathless vocals, this sultry number deserved better than the film it was soundtracking.

44‘Betty’ (2020)

This swaying folk-rock tune tells the tale of a cheating boyfriend trying to apologise for his indiscretions is a highlight of ‘Folklore’. With its woozy harmonica riffs and chiming vocals, it’s a beaut.

43‘All You Had to Do Was Stay’ (2014)

A sweltering synth-pop banger that comes off like Carly Rae Jepsen’s ‘Emotion’ meets Lorde’s ‘Melodrama’.

42‘Fifteen’ (2008)

‘Fifteen’ is one of Swift’s greatest ever songwriting moments. The cautionary tale of young love it as a country epic – complete with the utterly shattering line “Abigail gave everything she had to a boy / Who changed his mind and we both cried”.

41‘Back To December’ (2010)

‘Back To December’ is a musical apology, with Swift explaining that she decided to write it as “sometimes you learn a lesson too late and at that point you need to apologise because you were careless,”. With an accompanying orchestra and grandiose instrumentals, it’s unflinching and honest, with Swift taking responsibility and asking for forgiveness after a breakup.

40‘Cornelia Street’ (2019)

A highlight from ‘Lover’, ‘Cornelia Street’ is a dazzling tune that’s made even more powerful in this acoustic version performed in Paris last year.

39‘Safe & Sound’ (2012)

Before Swift took a trip to a metaphorical cabin in the woods for recent album ‘Folklore’, she dabbled in writing indie-folk tunes with ‘Safe & Sound’. Taken from the soundtrack to The Hunger Games, this pretty, stripped-back track is enthralling.

38‘Red’ (2012)

The hair-whipping, chorus-screaming title track of Swift’s fourth album is an adrenaline-charged ride.

37‘Gorgeous’ (2017)

‘Gorgeous’ is about having your head turned. It’s about seeing somebody who is so unbelievably hot that you develop a massive crush, existing partner be damned. It’s the perfect song to soundtrack a particularly juicy episode of Love Island and comes with a killer chorus to-boot.

36‘Today Was A Fairytale’ (2010)

Written for the soundtrack to 2010 film Valentine’s Day, this song was one of the only redeeming moments of the trite rom-com. A classically Swiftian country ballad stuffed full of romantic lyrics, it’s lovely.

35‘Forever & Always’ (2008)

On ‘Forever & Always’ Swift manages to evoke the crushing feeling of a crumbling relationship in under four minutes, but no couplet cuts as deep as the utterly millennial “And I stare at the phone, he still hasn’t called / And then you feel so low you can’t feel nothing at all”.

34‘The Story of Us’ (2010)

Swift was inspired to write ‘The Story of Us’ after running into an ex at an event and both of them trying to ignore the other. A break-neck tune, it’s a catchy nugget of country-pop.

33‘New Romantics’ (2014)

‘New Romantics’ was done dirty. The stomping synth-pop knockout was relegated to bonus track on ‘1989’, when it deserved pride of place. Hell, it should have even been a single! The sparkling success is pure euphoria.

32‘Dancing with Our Hands Tied’ (2017)

This electronic, beat-heavy song from ‘Reputation’ is basically as close as we’ve ever come to a Swiftie club remix.

31‘Invisible String’ (2020)

Filled with unusual turn of phrase (“Green was the colour of the grass / Where I used to read at Centennial Park“), ‘Invisible String’ is a sweet ode to Swift’s past relationships, and how they lead her to where she currently is.

30‘Illicit Affairs’ (2020)

Taken from Swift’s most recent record ‘Folklore’, ‘Illicit Affairs’ is a heart-wrenching story of complicated infidelity. Over scintillating stripped back production courtesy of Jack Antonoff, Swift manages to spin a whole tale of secret meetings, lies and clandestine romance, and the emotional impacts it can have.

29‘Tim McGraw’ (2006)

Swift’s debut single ‘Tim McGraw’ isn’t actually about country legend Tim McGraw, but instead about a boyfriend she had whilst at school who was a senior. In it, she warmly reminisces on their past relationship, with Swift knowing he was going to break up with her when he headed off to uni. It’s pretty emotionally astute stuff for the then-teenage songwriter.

28‘Mean’ (2010)

The dual-Grammy winning celebration of self-empowerment sees Swift slamming bullies over joyous banjo strums, reminding them that: “Someday, I’ll be living in a big old city / And all you’re ever gonna be is mean”.

27’22’ (2014)

Before ’22’ nobody cared when you celebrated your 22nd birthday – but then along came this gargantuan cut of bubble-gum pop, and somehow Swift turned it into a milestone.

26‘Sparks Fly’ (2010)

Swift wrote ‘Sparks Fly’ when she was only 16 years old, when she performed at small bar shows back in the late noughties. A video of one of these SHOWS made it onto the internet and fans started to request she released it. This lead to her reworking it for her third album of the same name, with euphoric results.

25‘Wildest Dreams’ (2014)

Channelling her inner Lana Del Rey, this breathless ‘1989’ moment is a synth-pop beauty.

24‘Speak Now’ (2010

‘Speak Now’ features some of Swift’s most vibrant storytelling. With lyrics that detail a wedding, giving you the full picture of the snotty bride “dressed in a gown shaped like a pastry” and how the groom’s marrying the wrong girl, it’s a brilliantly intricate story.

23‘The Man’ (2019)

A searing take-down of sexist double standards wrapped up in a synth-pop bow, ‘The Man’ sees Swift getting seriously feminist.

22‘You Belong With Me’ (2008)

A country-pop thumper from Swift’s second album ‘Fearless’, Swift was inspired to write ‘You Belong With Me’ after hearing a friend arguing with his girlfriend on the phone. Rotten for him – but we got this catchy number out of it.

21‘Enchanted’ (2010)

‘Enchanted’ is one of Taylor’s most underrated songs. A fairy-tale epic that acts as an elder sibling to ‘Love Story’, it captures the dizzy infatuation of a new romance, with huge swooning instrumentals and a heartfelt chorus.

20‘Exile’ feat. Bon Iver (2020)

2020’s been a strange year and brought with it a ton of surprises – one of these being Taylor Swift’s eighth album, and another that she managed to wrangle Bon Iver’s Justin Vernon for a guest appearance on the cinematic ‘Exile’. The gorgeous duet sees the two singers singing over each other, as the two portray ex-lovers seeing each other after a breakup. It’s an emotive cut, and one of Swift’s most impressive collaborations.

19‘Our Song’ (2006)

Taylor wrote ‘Our Song’ as she needed something to perform at her high school talent show. Built around a jangling banjo riff, with bouncing vocals which see Swift dissect how her and the lad she was dating didn’t have a song, it went down such a treat with her classmates that she stuck it on her debut album. With its enthralling lyrics, that paint a vivid picture of the young couple, it was an early indicator of Swift’s songwriting capabilities.

18‘Shake It Off’ (2014)

There’s no two ways about it: ‘Shake It Off’ is a stone-cold smash. It’s got bolshy brass, several hooks that are catchier than a rash and Tay Tay even does a rap. The uptempo tune ushered in Swift’s sixth album ‘1989’, paving the way for her new era of pop belters – but none of them slapped quite this hard.

17‘Teardrops On My Guitar’ (2007)

Swift’s breakthrough single, ‘Teardrops on My Guitar’ is pure country-crossover star. With its soft guitars, and Swift’s early earnestness, unrequited love has never sounded so good.

16‘Clean’ (2014)

‘Clean’, the Imogen Heap co-written closer to ‘1989’, is an understated moment of clarity. It’s the feeling when you’ve started to move on with your life post-breakup and you realise you haven’t thought about your ex for several weeks, and when you do, you don’t want to key their car. With chiming soft-rock instrumentals, and gorgeous layered vocals, it’s an unfussy song that’s filled with Swift’s impressive turn of phrase, including the particularly devastating: “Ten months sober, I must admit/Just because you’re clean, don’t mean you don’t miss it”.

15‘We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together’ (2012)

There’s a lot of reasons that Swift’s Billboard Hot 100 topping, Grammy-nominated ‘We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together’ is excellent. There are the snarky lyrics, the ear-worm guitar riff and the megalithic chorus. But perhaps the best moment in the entire song is the delicious spoken word interlude in the middle-eight, where Swift deadpans: “Ugh, so he calls me up and he’s like, “I still love you” / And I’m like… I mean, this is exhausting, you know?/ Like, we are never getting back together – like, ever.” Wickedly savage.

14‘I Knew You Were Trouble’ (2012)

Back in 2012 things were different. David Cameron was still Prime Minster; Corona was only a type of beer and Taylor Swift experimented with dubstep. ‘I Knew You Were Trouble’ was a bold step for Swift, marking a departure from her trademark country crossover songs, but somehow the genre-melding smasher just works. From the icy kiss-off lyrics that raise a middle finger to fuck-boys everywhere to the thumping dub bass, it’s Swift’s most brilliantly bombastic release.

13‘The 1’ (2020)

“I’m doing good, I’m on some new shit” Taylor begins on ‘The 1’. It’s a punchy way to begin a song, let alone ‘Folklore’. The new shit could be Swift accepting her past fights over her discography, or the indie-folk direction she took for her most recent album. But whatever “new shit” TayTay is on, if it means she makes songs as good as this, we back it.

12‘Lover’ (2019)

The slow-dancing title track of Swift’s seventh album is a celebration of being smugly, head-over-heels in love. Ready-made for waltzing at a wedding, this enchanting, romantic tune is a sepia-tinged dream.

11‘Mine’ (2010)

The lead single from ‘Speak Now’ is pure Swift. In under four minutes Swift manages to spin an expansive story of a girl who’s parents’ broken marriage caused her to put up walls and avoid putting themselves out there – who gradually falls in love and has to deal with the fear of something potentially going wrong. It’s a country-pop epic, with more of a narrative in each verse than an entire Nicholas Sparks novel.

10‘Delicate’ (2019)

This vocoded beauty was a highlight of ‘Reputation’. Whilst the bulk of Swift’s seventh album was bold and brash, ‘Delicate’ offered a gorgeous moment of vulnerability. From the exposed opening (“This ain’t for the best / My reputation’s never been worse, so /You must like me for me…”) to the lush instrumentals that mesh the woozy vocals with tropical twinkles and slinky house beats, ‘Delicate’ is dazzling.

9‘Style’ (2014)

This slice of ’80s pop from ‘1989’ embodies the change in Swift’s sound for her fifth album. Filled with chugging synths, strutting guitar licks and glittering production, it’s an effervescent, hook-laden nugget filled with sleek electronics that dissects an unhealthy on-again off-again relationship (that “never goes out of style”). It’s Swift at her best: clever lyrics? Check! Earworm melodies? Check! A chorus that you want to sing at the top of your lungs? You bet.

8‘State of Grace’ (2012)

Ever wondered what Swift singing a massive arena-rock song would sound like? Well, just listen to ‘State of Grace’ and you’ll find out. The huge, U2-flecked opener to ‘Red’ is filled with guitar reverb and vocals that are meant to be screamed back by a stadium full of fans.

7‘Out Of The Woods’ (2014)

With shimmering indie-tronica-laced production and its anthemic, exhilarating chorus, ‘Out of the Woods’ is another belter from ‘1989’. Written about a high-profile relationship that was cut short due to fear of the media’s reaction to it (Swift explained it “that song touches on a huge sense of anxiety that was, kind of, coursing through that particular relationship”), it’s a breathless, honest depiction of a lost relationship; and one of Swift’s greatest triumphs.

6‘Cruel Summer’ (2019)

‘Cruel Summer’ should have been a single. It could have been the lead single. We all know it’s true; yet it was cast aside for the likes of ‘Me!’ and ‘You Need to Calm Down’. A standout moment on Swift’s seventh album ‘Lover’, this synth-pop bop was co-written with indie legend St Vincent and Jack Antonoff.

It was written about “the feeling of a summer romance, and how often times a summer romance can be layered with all these feelings of pining away and sometimes even secrecy”. Swift recounts the feelings of anxiety and uncertainty that plague a new relationship; before revealing her feelings and finding them reciprocated: “And I scream, ‘For whatever it’s worth/I love you, ain’t that the worst thing you ever heard?’”

It’s the musical version of a perfect romantic comedy ending, complete with a chorus perfect for riding off into the sunset on a lawnmower a la Can’t Buy Me Love.

5‘Love Story’ (2008)

What would you do with a spare 20 minutes? Watch an episode of Friends? Aimlessly scroll through Instagram? Well, if you’re Taylor Swift, you can use that time to write ‘Love Story’. Her 2008 country-pop fairy-tale epic remains one of her biggest hits – climbing charts worldwide and receiving near-constant radio rotation. It’s still one of the biggest-selling songs ever. With its Shakespearean narrative (it sees Swift reinterpret Romeo and Juliet), and huge, megawatt chorus, ‘Love Story’ remains a classic from Swift’s bountiful back catalogue.

4‘Cardigan’ (2020)

The lead single from Swift’s latest record is a swirling amalgam of glittering production, swooning strings with flickering piano, and lyrics that evoke the pain of young love. From the searing “When you are young, they assume you know nothing”, to the heart-wrenching “And when I felt like I was an old cardigan / Under someone’s bed / You put me on and said I was your favourite”, Swift conjures up a story of teenage love and betrayal, all anchored by the Aaron Dessner’s jittery production.

We’ve all felt like someone’s old cardigan at one point in our lives, and Swift stunningly manages to convey these complex mixed emotions – the hurt, jealousy and heartbreak – in a gorgeous folk-laced package.

3‘Blank Space’ (2014)

Swift’s got a lot of chart-smashing pop gems in her armoury, but ‘Blank Space’ is surely one of her crown jewels. This megawatt electro-pop tune sees her most cutting, satirising the media’s perception of her dating life and relationships. Knowingly spitting out wry couplets that hit back at the media’s portrayal of her reputation as a man-eater (“Got a long list of ex lovers / They’ll tell you I’m insane / But I’ve got a blank space, baby / And I’ll write your name”), it’s brilliantly wicked – and it absolutely slaps! A work of art.

2‘The Last Great American Dynasty’ (2020)

Swift’s latest album, ‘Folklore’, saw her write more regularly from the point of view of other people, telling their stories as opposed to her own. ‘The Last Great American Dynasty’ was an intriguing case of this – as Swift depicts the life of American artist and socialite Rebekah Harkness, who had previously owned Swift’s Rhode Island, dubbed ‘Holiday House’. Detailing how Harkness married into a wealthy family, was hated by the town and then blamed for the downfall of the Harkness family (including the death of her husband) , Swift pithily compares her scrutiny in the media to the criticism Harkness has experienced.

It’s an impressive song, managing to communicate a huge amount of Harkness’ life across in only a few minutes; and Swift does all of this and tops it off with a banging chorus.

1‘All Too Well’ (2012)

‘All Too Well’ is Swift’s magnum opus. Beginning life as a deep-cut on ‘Red’, it’s become a favourite of both critics and fans – and there’s good reason for it: it’s the perfect example of Swift’s song-writing skills. On it she movingly conveys the heartbreak of a painful break-up, spinning a tale of lost scarves and autumn days as she jumps between different points – both good and bad – in a relationship.

There’s a focus on small, painful details, which are offset by some of Swift’s best ever couplets: “And you call me up again just to break me like a promise / So casually cruel in the name of being honest” can’t be beaten, can it?. Swift takes you on the entire journey of a relationship, and its masterful – just as we’ve come to expect from her.

[silasmadams]

Artemis Fowl and the Movie Adaptation (An Unfortunate Tale)

(image courtesy of Disney trailer flips Artemis Fowl story to make him a hero)

Are there more serious problems at hand? Most definitely. Am I going to be talking about them? Absolutely not, I’m only qualified to talk about media and even then I’d say the word qualified is doing a lot of heavy lifting. 

This post is going to be less structured compared to my previous one and shorter mainly because I just really need to get my thoughts on this whole thing out there. I also want to make it clear that I know I’m not the target audience for this movie, I merely wanted to toss my two cents into this whole mess because I grew up with the series and I want to talk about how this adaptation makes me ~feel~.

For those that have never read the books, a short summary is in order. Artemis Fowl is a series of eight books by Eoin Colfer that follows the titular main character of Artemis Fowl, a rich Irish lad with too much free time and very evil tendencies. The series shows Artemis’ growth from villain to anti-hero over the course of the books along with his growing friendships between Holly and the other Faeries, as well as his relationships with other characters like his seemingly only father figure, Butler.

In short, it’s a lot of fun and though at times the execution can be lacking, it’s a phenomenal Middle-Grade work and I’d recommend it to anyone, adult or kid. Towards the end, I did feel the series was getting repetitive but that’s a discussion for another day. Maybe I’ll put up an Artemis Fowl book review someday just not today. Though I’ll say that there are plenty of aspects the movie could have improved on, like the constant bringing back of Opal as a villain and other more minor problems I had with the series. What I mean by bringing up the repetition of Opal as a villain is that change or deviation from the series isn’t bad so long as the core of the story still remains. However, it does look as though the core of the story has not only been changed but been beaten into something else entirely. 

Now the movie. I can’t speak on the entirety of it yet as only the trailer has been released but let’s just say it’s not….great. Before I start complaining I want to be very clear that going after the actors is not ok, no matter how unhappy you are in regards to the adaptation. The only reason I feel the need to say this is because I know how the internet works and I have no doubt that there are going to be hordes of people harassing the actors, especially the boy that plays Artemis because they want to direct their discontentment somewhere. This is something I’d consider to be a low blow and I’m not going to condone it in any way. That’s why I want to be very VERY clear that my issue is not with the actors but with the story, the casting choice as made by the people running things behind the scenes, the effects, and so on. None of this is going to be a direct call to chase these people down because, to put it simply, not cool my guys. 

Mini-rant about that over, onto the movie portion. When watching the trailer I was struck with a similar thought as when watching the trailer for the live-action Aladdin, “What an expensive yet cheap-looking movie.” I’m aware that plenty of movies, especially the Disney ones love their CGI but just going off the trailer it appears as though the CGI has gone off the rails. Its use is excessive to the point where the whole film has a veneer of uncanniness to it. There’s no other way to say it, the effects look overused. They don’t work because they don’t seem to blend real environments into CGI seamlessly and with the kind of money Disney has, I’d have expected something a lot more eye-catching.

Aside from the effects, there’s the casting. Now I applaud the movie for keeping a mostly Irish cast, Hell even Eoin Colfer praises this and I can’t blame him. There isn’t exactly much Irish representation in media and what little comes to mind is often chock full of stereotypes rather than complex characters. Despite this, I’m personally not happy with some of the casting choices. The main issues I have are with the casting of Artemis, Holly, and Butler. For everyone else, I’m kind of on the fence but I have no real issues. Seems like Judi Dench is the go-to gender-bent actor now what with her recent appearance as female old Deuteronomy in everyone’s favorite movie CATS and now she’s female Commander Root. That in and of itself really isn’t an issue despite my side-eyeing towards Hollywood and its tendencies to just make a gender-bent version of a male-dominated franchise rather than a new female-dominated franchise but I digress. Now, once more, this is not a criticism of the actors themselves nor an intention of hate tossed their way but the kid playing Artemis, he’s too cute. I mean look at him, he looks like a sweet boy rather than a conniving little shit. The Artemis that I and many fans like myself imagine was a real piece of work, pale as paper and more akin to the children in horror movies. I’m sure he’s a nice person but that doesn’t change the fact that I don’t feel he fits the role of Artemis, acting aside. Holly, oh Holly what have they done to you. I’ll tell you what they’ve done, they’ve essentially whitewashed her. In the books (I know this phrase is annoying and has been memed to death but just stick with me on this), Holly’s skin is brown, yet here we have a very decidedly not brown Holly. I know this has been an issue in film as a whole for a while, the whitewashing of characters. I remember the Jake Gyllenhal Prince of Persia all too well. It sends shivers down my spine just thinking about it. Butler, on the other hand, is made black in the film, sort of telling that you’ve made the servant character black and you’ve whitewashed the magical and powerful character, Disney. Not saying anything more than that because I’m sure you can all come to your own conclusions but that leaves me with a series side-eye. I’m only joking, of course, well half-joking.

Onto the story. How she has been butchered before my very eyes. The one thing the majority of the fandom agrees on in terms of their hatred is the shift from making Artemis Fowl the villain to making him the hero. This shift has not only ruined everything the books stood for but it’s taken a very engaging character and turned them into a generic fantasy protagonist filled with wide-eyed wonder. There is, of course, plenty of room for protagonists like that but the reason this series stuck out was because of its refusal to do just that. When I first picked up this series as a kid, I was entranced by Artemis because he wasn’t one-note, he wasn’t wholly good, he was layered and I enjoyed that. I liked that he wasn’t a clear hero, that he did bad things, and that he was slowly learning to be better. I liked that it allowed for Artemis to have a second chance, to better himself. I liked that Artemis was smart and conniving but couldn’t do anything in terms of physical prowess and that, that role was given instead to Holly Short who delighted in the physical and enjoyed a good fight. I’ve seen plenty of people say that they’ve made Artemis one-note but I’m sure they’ve also made other characters very one-note like Holly. Holly is admittedly a more heroic character in the books but even she isn’t without her flaws and issues. Looking at the Holly in the trailer makes me feel as if we’re going to be given another Hermione, that is a character scrubbed of all her imperfections and presented as a perfect being on the screen. That’s not to say that movie Hermione was bad but that she lacked depth and if they go that route with Holly then sure little kids will have a smart and strong female protagonist to look up to but I think kids also deserve more nuanced characters, more nuanced female characters that do get angry and that do hit back when they’re angry, that learn to control their rage and deal with it in better ways. Holly was always cool in the books, she was suave and someone I enjoyed reading just as much as Artemis but she wasn’t perfect, not even close.

Part of me is just salty because I really thought that Disney would be better at adapting “darker” kids material. When I was younger and DreamWorks/Paramount managed to get the rights to make the A Series of Unfortunate Events Movie, which ended up being a flop but not the worst adaptation out there, I often heard the relief of people saying that at least Disney didn’t adapt the films because if they had they would have scrubbed any rough edges from the film clean. At the time I thought this was ridiculous, I mean sure Disney is often squeaky clean in terms of its product but they aren’t shy about heading into darker territory, case in point Frollo from the Hunchback of Notredame. But, now I understand that hesitance that people had and I’m sad to say that they were probably right.  

With all my complaining out of the way, how does the author view these changes, I mean he can’t simply be ok with them, can he? I know if it was my work being butchered this way I’d have a word or two ready. In the Polygon interview, however, Colfer seems to not be bothered by the changes. I’m sure some people will point to the author being fine with most of the changes as a positive and feel the criticisms of the movie invalid but I disagree. Of course, Colfer is happy with the movie finally going forward, it’s been frozen in place since 2001, besides the man is going to get his coin either way, so I don’t exactly blame him for going the Andrzej Sapkowski route, dusting off his hands and giving the reigns to someone else. Even though I don’t blame him for this, I wish we could have gotten a better adaptation, one that understood the core of the Artemis Fowl stories. I do hope that once the movie comes out that I eat my words on this matter but I have doubts that that’s going to be the case.

BOOKS:

Go buy them or get them from your library, they’re a treat and a half. 

Artemis Fowl Book Series (New)

Artemis Fowl Book Series (Used)

ARTICLES I READ ON THIS:

Artemis Fowl author supports — and is a little envious of — the changes in Disney’s movie

Disney trailer flips Artemis Fowl story to make him a hero

Give my blog a look if you want too (it’s got the same stuff on there as my Tumblr):

https://silasmadams.home.blog/2020/03/07/artemis-fowl-and-the-movie-adaptation-an-unfortunate-tale/

[izupie]

1, 5, 13, 23, 33, 39 with Tokoyami x Tsuyu!! Don't have to do all of them, because frankly I'd be happy with any of them! One of my favorite authors writing stuff about one of my favorite (and disappointingly underrated) ships?? Yes please!!

Oh booyy, wow! No, I love the excuse to talk about some good bird frog content~

And aaa thank you! /// Admittedly, these two have very little canon content to use so this will be a Very Deep Dive into the headcanon void, hope you don’t mind~

you: You don’t have to do all of them

me: no I’m gonna

woah this needs a read more I wrote wayyy more than I intended //wheeze//

1. - How do they fall asleep? Wake up? Any daily rituals?

Tsuyu doesn’t like the cold when she sleeps, so she always slept under a thick duvet and even piled blankets on top of that too. Tokoyami has never been a very good sleeper and he suffers from insomnia from time to time. Even though they started with very different sleeping habits, both of them are so adaptable that they made it work when they moved it together: Tsuyu got rid of the extra blankets on top of the duvet, and instead got thicker pyjamas, while Tokoyami began to find that Tsuyu’s slow, regular, sleepy breathing lulled him to sleep. They still like their own space in bed, so they sleep on their own sides of it, but Tsuyu sometimes strokes Tokoyami’s feathers before she falls asleep and he holds her hand gently until he falls asleep too. They wake up most mornings still holding hands.

She says good night and good morning to Dark Shadow every day too.

Tokoyami actually brushes Tsuyu’s long hair while they’re getting ready for the day. It’s a very intimate act, and she wouldn’t trust anyone else to do it, but Tokoyami’s hands are gentle and patient and he would never hurt her. She makes him a coffee every morning, with lots of milk. (She would never ruin his image and tell everyone just how milky he has his coffee).

5. - Nicknames? Pet names? Any in-jokes?

Tsuyu tells everyone to call her Tsu, including Tokoyami. She never quite manages to get him to do it for a long while, but he slips up one day and does and it makes her day. He gets embarrassed about it but it makes her so happy that he bashfully calls her Tsu from then on.

She affectionately calls Tokoyami ‘Fumi’ (a shortening of his first name) or whispers a pet name of ‘Tori’ to him when they’re alone (the Japanese word for Bird).

She can keep such a straight face that an in-joke between them is that she’ll sometimes come out with something Dark Shadow has told her about Tokoyami with her best poker face, even if it’s something totally bizarre. ‘But Dark Shadow told me you can only eat spinach on a Tuesday, if you’re wearing something pink, and you’ve sang to it first.’

Dark Shadow always goes along with whatever Tsuyu says. ‘IT’S TRUE’ it’ll add no matter what outlandish thing she’s proclaimed it told her.

It’s like, the weirdest humour and their friends Do Not Get It, but they both think it’s hilarious. Tokoyami laughs so hard and blushes when it’s something embarrassing, even if it’s made up, and squishes her squishy cheeks. She grins like a champion every time. She’ll just come out with it totally randomly, so he never knows when or what the next crazy statement she’ll come out with is - delivered with a totally straight face before she cracks up at his reaction.

He still does his over-the-top darkness related descriptions for things, but Tsuyu also joins in. They both chuckle at that too.

13. - What do they do for fun? Do they have a favorite activity or do they like to switch things up?

The two of them go sightseeing often - they’re both actually very trendy, even though they don’t try, they just have really good fashion sense - so they look like a really cool couple when they’re out at tourist spots having ice cream and soaking in the atmosphere and the history.

Tsuyu also loves watching movies, wrapped in a duvet, in Tokoyami’s arms. They discuss the film in depth afterwards. Tokoyami cries at really emotional films, though Tsuyu is sworn to secrecy about it, and she’ll chuckle and wipe away his tears afterwards.

23. - How do they hug? Kiss? Tease? Flirt? Comfort?

Tokoyami hugs like he’s never going to let go, sometimes Dark Shadow joins into the hug too, while Tsuyu hugs like it’s a gentle precious thing and he can’t stand how much he loves her when she gives him a soft little squeeze. They’re not into PDA so they don’t hug while they’re out and about - it’s very much a private thing. Unless you knew them and their little nuances towards each other you probably wouldn’t know that they were a couple at all.

Kissing is hard with a beak and sometimes Tokoyami can feel bad that he can’t kiss his partner like everyone else - especially when they see other ‘normal’ couples. Tsuyu absolutely hates that he ever feels that way and can’t stress to him enough that she loves him just as he is, exactly how he is, and wouldn’t change him for anything in the whole world. She kisses the side of his beak, though he can’t really feel it, but prefers kissing the soft downy feathers just next to his beak. Which he loves.

Or she’ll kiss the human soft skin of his chest, which is much more sensitive due to the lack of feathers. He loves that even more.

Tsuyu likes to be held and feel the warmth of his body, since hers doesn’t regulate temperature very well because of her froggyness. 

He gets embarrassed at first that he nibbles at her shoulder or hand or just inside the curve of her neck with his beak when they’re being close - because it’s a birdy impulse he just can’t shake. (have you ever owned birds? that nibbly thing they do is so freaking cute I swear) 

Tokoyami is so bad at handling flirting, which is hilarious because he’s usually so collected and doesn’t say much, but Tsuyu flirts with him and he just melts, while she is cooler than cool and never looks phased. She usually just says what’s on her mind and it comes out like flirting. (Tsu: moonlight sets off your eyes you know, kero. Like stars in the night, shining out of your dark feathers. Tokoyami, voice cracking: thAnKS YOu toO)

In terms of comfort, Tsuyu is so grounded and sensible that she often internalises any worry or guilt and it ends up playing on her mind until she can’t contain it anymore and she’ll just break down into tears. Tokoyami gets particularly good at spotting when she’s holding something back or keeping bad emotions inside - just knowing when her look is more distracted than usual, or her smile is a fraction ‘off’ - and he gently asks her to share it with him. She’s so used to shouldering her burdens alone that it takes her a long time to be able to come to him for reassurance, though she’s always glad when she does because he’s also so level-headed and practical that she always feels much better afterwards.

Tokoyami is always, always harbouring secret fears of what he could do to her if he let his quirk get out of control. Tsuyu loves Dark Shadow, because it’s a part of him, but he can never forget the nightmare of what happened at the training camp. Tsuyu bought a night light for their room that comes on automatically at night, but never made a fuss about it, just bought it and installed it and neither of them have ever brought it up. For someone who’s essence is to be more powerful in the dark it makes him uneasy that he’s so unwilling to be immersed in it when he’s around her - so worried for her safety and the thought that he’d be unable to live with himself if he ever did anything to her. She trusts him beyond a shadow of a doubt (puns?) and knows he doesn’t need the night light, but if it makes him feel better she’ll go with it. 

33. - What kind of presents do they get each other? Do they only do it on special occasions?

Tsuyu is all about handmade presents. She’s actually quite crafty, so she’s usually sticking things together or whipping out the glitter glue. Presents from her are unique and all about the person she’s making it for - you didn’t know you needed a new pen pot? Here’s a glittery one. Or a peg basket with tissue paper flames around it for those times you need to put the washing out and don’t have anywhere to store your pegs. A feathery dream-catcher weighed down by a ton of beads? She’s gotcha covered. Her hands are large due to her quirk, but she can be super delicate with them. Their house ends up full of craft items, and Tokoyami treasures each one.

He gets her all sorts of ‘thought of you’ gifts while he’s out. But it’s usually stuff like a notebook with a frog on it, or a frog pen, or a pebble that kind of looked like a frog’s face. They end up with all sorts of frog themed bits and pieces around the house. It’s a real eclectic kind of mixture. Tsuyu smiles like he’s brought her the world every time he gets her one of these little froggy gifts.

39. - Who initiated the relationship? Who kissed who first?  When did they realize they were in love?

Tsuyu was the one who initiated the relationship. They’d been put together for a few group assignments throughout their time at school and really loved working as a team, so by their third year they just started hanging out together outside of class. Their personalities complimented each other so well. Tsuyu got teased by Mina one day for the amount of time she was spending with Tokoyami outside of school and she just totally without even missing a beat replies that it’s because she’s in love with him and her friends are just like Oh Wow, No Hesitation. When they suggest she should do something about it it’s the first time they ever see her truly bashful and a little unsure. 

Tokoyami remains blissfully unaware that he has Feelings for Tsuyu, despite Dark Shadow teasing him about it relentlessly. 

One evening she’s adding more feathers into her scrapbook than is really necessary and she just gets up from her desk, goes to his room, knocks on the door and just straight up tells him that she really likes him and would he like to go out with her? He is emotionally floored by this completely out of nowhere reveal and manages to choke out that he really likes her too and yes of course.

It was a realisation of ‘I really enjoy spending time with this person, I actively seek them out and I have this warm feeling when I’m around them, I’m obviously in love’ for Tsuyu while for Tokoyami it was her knocking on his door and him going ‘THAT’S what this feeling is’ while Dark Shadow internally is like Of Course You Dumbass.

Their first kiss is after a particularly tough team exam. They actually fail the exam and they’re both exhausted and Tokoyami is about to apologise and she just puts a hand to his beak and kisses his cheek. A really innocent first kiss, but full of emotion.

[minaminokyoko]

Toy Story 4: A Spoilertastic Review

*huge sigh of relief* Disney/Pixar, y'all had me worried.

Truly. Honestly. Not that you guys aren't amazing, but the Toy Story films have a legacy that almost no other franchise period has: three perfect movies, and movies that improved with each sequel. Most of the time, trilogies can't pull that off. Sometimes you get three that are good, but there's a straggler in the bunch, like the original Star Wars trilogy or The Dark Knight saga. Like a lot of folks, I was sweating bullets when they announced TS4 because this is one of the only trilogies where each sequel was friggin' better than the last, and TS3, imo, might be the best Disney/Pixar film period. Honestly, it stands at the top of just animated films period, and so I was very nervous to think about trying for a fourth one.

I am very pleased to say TS4 is a worthy sequel. It's not empty, it's not lazy, it's great. I personally put it on the same level as the first movie. I do consider TS2 and TS3 to be better than this one, but not for a bad reason, simply because it's attempting something different from the previous films. This is another all-positive review for me; all I've got are nitpicks, no cons at all. Disney/Pixar did a great job creating what a friend of mine referred to as an epilogue story. That sounds about right to me. It's like there's a trilogy and an epilogue now to the Toy Story saga.

Overall Grade: A

Spoilers ahead.

-I really want to dive in to talk about the fact that while it might upset some people, this movie is about Woody, almost exclusively, and I actually like that a lot. I don't mind at all that this is a snapshot of dealing with change through Woody's perspective, and you know why? Man. Woody is a fucking great character. Really. To his core, he's a phenomenal, landmark, memorable character. I think as the years pass and people reevaluate what films will stand the test of time, animated or otherwise, people will realize that Woody is such a well-written, well-acted character. One of the things that I think got everyone ugly sobbing in TS3 was the way that Andy described Woody: "He'll never give up on you." That's it. That's why Woody is just such a charming character. He will do whatever it takes to do the right thing for the kids. Every time. No matter what it costs him. And that's why this movie took a big risk in breaking up the Toy Story family, but at the same time, it's giving Woody a path that allows him to do something he loves and that is important to him, and for him to be happy in the process. It's a very surprising and unique but realistic idea that Bonnie, while a great kid, wasn't the kid for Woody. But he cared so much for her that he wanted to make sure she got the right toy that will help her learn and grow. That's...fucking amazing, man. I got choked up. I really did. Woody's heart is so huge. And I love that this movie showed that he's been through some rough stuff and that it was time for him to be able to find his own happiness while still being able to help kids, because that's who he is. He's a leader. He cares to a fault. Woody is such a rich character and I'm really glad they got to focus on him and gave him a good send off. It's quite touching. I hate the idea of the gang breaking up, but the movie does an excellent job of explaining change. I like this motif. Things change. Something you always dreamt of might be different. Or things end and you have to move on and try something else. It's a great lesson for all of us to learn, and it took some serious courage to do that in a franchise so known for its ensemble cast and family. I dig it. I truly do.

-Bo and Woody had me all up in my feels. Oh, man. When she was taken...my fucking heart...oh, that hit me right in the feels. I love how they filmed the reunion, too, that the first time he saw her again they were both having to be inert at the time. That was so cleverly done, and it's so apparent how soft they are for each other. It's really sweet. I enjoyed getting to see their dynamic, even with things being strained between them. The hat thing gets me every time. I love nuance, and Bo pulling down his hat is just the cutest little gesture that sells the entire relationship. I enjoyed Bo getting to be active and frankly badass, because it's super cool to see a girl's toy everyone would think is too delicate to be played with be at the forefront of the action.

-I enjoyed Gabby being a sympathetic antagonist. That's awesome. I always applaud movies that can pull it off. It's easy to write a one note villain. It's much, much harder to write one who has a story and who has something that they want, and that the hero is standing in their way. I also think it's a GREAT lesson for kids growing up. Sometimes the thing you think you want isn't what it seems. There are going to be SO many moments in a kid's life where they've been dying to get something, and it's a big disappointment in the end, or they don't get it at all. Wow. Powerfully done. And the scene with the little lost girl damn near made me shed actual tears. That was nothing short of beautiful. Because that is what it's like for kids. Kids get scared, and sometimes the smallest thing encourages them. It hearkens back to what Woody did on Bonnie's first day, getting her the supplies to make Forky and getting her confidence and creativity up. Fuck, that melted my heart. Gabby's story was fantastic, and touching, and a really good use of an antagonist. I was very, very satisfied with how they handled it.

-Centering everything as one big chase scene, kind of Mad Max: Fury Road in a weird way, was a lot of fun. It kept you guessing and it kept things fresh. I also am really impressed that they managed to unnerve the unholy hell out of me with Gabbie and the puppets. I'm actually not scared of puppets, but the way that they moved was very, very creepy, and I would never have expected it from Toy Story. Nice job, guys.

-Forky is the right balance of being a naive, hapless character without being annoying. I was worried his antics would get old, but actually, no. I didn't hate him. I like that Woody was frustrated, but he didn't hate the little guy and he wasn't jealous of him. He did the right thing and he helped Forky understand what toys are all about, and it's very heartwarming.

-Duke Kaboom was such a treat. I'm really happy everyone is now on the Keanu boat, because I've been a stan for that man since the fucking 90's and it's so satisfying to see others join me. He really is a fun, sweet human being, and his character is delightfully over the top. I loved him. It worked really well with the rest of the film, and I am all about the Keanussance/Reevessance that's going on right now. Keep it up. You're breathtaking.

-Goodness me, I just need to note how gorgeous the effects are. I mean, it's Disney/Pixar, it's always gorgeous, but for instance, the rain sequence in the beginning was incredible. That water...man...they are so exceptional at details and realism all while still creating their own look. Bravo, man.

-The payoff of the little guy getting his high five finally was fucking adorable. This is what makes me love Disney/Pixar so much, too. It's the little things that put a smile on your face. How cute.

Nitpicks:

-Key and Peele were annoying. There. I said it. I fucking hate them both, and they were annoying. But thank God, they were more cameo characters than main leads. Throw them both in the trash, though. Ugh.

-I don't like that Gabby needing to switch out the voice box had zero consequences. That was...odd. And kind of like cheating. I got really excited when Woody allowed it to happen so he could get Forky back, but then nothing bad happened. I thought that maybe Woody's voice would be damaged, go in and out, or he'd be mute, and it would show what a sacrifice he made for Bonnie. Nope. It had no negative consequences, so it almost makes me wonder why they did that. It ended up a moot point, and invalidated the conflict.

-I'm waffling on how I feel about Bonnie just forgetting about Woody entirely. Mind you, this is realistic. This is how small kids work. They move abruptly and often without explanation. But thematically, I sort of wanted her to notice him gone, if only to tie off how I felt about how far Woody was willing to go to make her happy. But at the same time, that's kids for you. Things happen fast. She's going to be happy, and so will the rest of the toys, and that's the most important thing in the end.

-I did actually want a longer scene of just Woody and Bo together, catching up. I don't feel robbed, but I was letdown because I wanted to know more about them since they seem to truly click and feel strongly for one another. I'd have liked to see them just sit and talk for a moment, but the film had too much urgency, so unfortunately we had to keep moving.

I only just got home, so I don't know if other reviews are out, but let me go ahead and say that if anyone is shitting on this film, I guarantee you it's people who don't like change. This film is different and it takes risks and in the end, it is about Woody and not the rest of the toys, so it is going to step on some toes. However, it has earned a spot on the shelf next to the other movies. Trust me, its heart is in the right place and it's still keeping our legacy of films on par with each other. I don't feel that it takes anything away from them, and is simply a send off to a character I think will stand the test of time as one of the greats. I'm glad it was just as worthy as I hoped it would be.

[spookygator]

36 from the oc ask prompt

36. What are they good at? What hobbies do they like? Can they sing?

Buttercup, halfling chef druid: She is absolutely obsessed with cooking, baking, brewing and fermenting, a hobby in unison with her love of nurturing plants into fruition for harvest. She tends to grow everything she can get her hands on, from tea to gourds to flowers, if she is given seeds she will do everything in her power to make them big, happy plants. She also got into making wines and beers, spicing them and keeping them in a nice place to grow richer with age, a lot of her patience from farming benefits her culinary interests too. She is big into arcades and crafting mundane cute items, like charms, calligraphy, sown cloth flower crowns, and pressed real flower bookmarks for friends. She sometimes goes overboard decorating the restaurant she works at, and doodles outlays for when she has her own to customize. She is also into historical reenactment specifically in the context of food history, and considers it to be Cooking: Hardmode! to be using clay ovens and the like. In general she loves to read on other cultures, and finding out the context behind why certain recipes came to exist, what trade happened where and why to result in a beloved dish, how a shortage of some ingredient made people improvise with another to cause the version everyone loves today, etc. Minutia and trivia are really up her alley. She loves karaoke and singing along to her favorite songs, but she is out of key and more enthusiastic than pretty sounding. 

Cly, lizard folk/vesk barbarian scientist/professor: She’s mainly into aquarium and terrarium building when she isn’t organizing lesson plans, constantly researching for building the most ideal habitats for her many many plants and animals. For her, work is a hobby so she tends to vanish into her lab to study how to treat diseases, replicate organs, or make more low stakes things like devices that assist in shedding, or rehydrating the skin of an amphibious being that has been dangerously out of water for some time, etc. When it isn’t immediately research related, she tends to favor swimming and just being submerged in as much water as possible, holding very still so that the local fish, frogs, and other animals become comfortable enough to exist around her, moving and going about their business as if she were just a big boulder or something instead of a threat to freeze for. Her favorite is when the tinier ones hide under her shade to protect themselves against predators. Related, she likes to collect shells, bones, cool rocks, and organs when she can manage to harmlessly or without taking away a creature’s meal. Monster movies amuse her, and feed into her main side hobby of Hypothetical Biology, where she writes these giant fan fictions about alternate universes where evolutionary patterns went differently, creating totally different animals. Or she attempts to reverse engineer how impossible, fictitious monsters from her world’s pop culture could exist given the circumstances that she presents, ultimately writing a very dense series of essays that would alienate most fans of the media by accident. She can sing surprisingly well, but she is untrained and tends to lose volume control the more into it she gets.   

Seraph, rakshasa tiefling bard: She is dummy into singing and practicing her main instrument, the drums. She loves to look at etymology and thesauruses so that she can become a better lyricist, and in general deeply appreciate the nuances of the languages she is singing in. In an attempt to talk to as many people as possible, she also picks up on new languages for fun, absolutely honing in on the word play in each. But on top of that her hobbies include history and especially religion/urban legends/myths that lend themselves to fun stories. She comes to life around the campfire, her arsenal of tales to dramatically tell in hand, ears perked for new ones to pass on at her next gathering. Additionally she loves knives, collecting/polishing/sharpening them with a devoutness that is near hilarious given that she names all of hers bad puns like C Sharp. She sings to them as she does so. She also loves to attend music festivals and parties, a big extravert who loves to just be in the presence of people and energy and sound. Nothing gets her more excited than seeing someone taking up an instrument that they’re passionate about for the first time, so she tries to support fellow musicians in any way she can, especially noobs to it. She lives for duets and encouraging people to pursue their interests, if that counts as a hobby at all lmao. She also fancies herself a matchmaker and tries to get people with chemistry alone together, but only if they express a wish for that explicitly at some point that she can pick up on. She is also dabbling in crafting costumes, mainly masks, capes, and other such things for theatre, celebrations, always has an emergency sowing kit on hand so nobody has a bad time when working with her on stage. 

[theromcomcatalog]

Love Actually

It’s been a few years since I’ve sat down and watched this, and with so many ‘Love Actually is actually problematic’ discussions going around lately, I decided to give it another watch with a “fresh set of eyes” to see if the current social climate would somehow diminish my enjoyment of Richard Curtis’s 2003 holiday rom-com.

It didn’t. Are there some issues with this movie? Of course there are. Natalie (Martine McCutcheon) is called chubby and comments are made about her butt and her thighs, although… Natalie is not fat. Not even close. The fat jokes simply made no sense and had no point other than to draw laughs. The majority of storylines focus on men getting their happy ever after (Mark is the exception, although he still gets an uplifting, favorable send off) while the two storylines centering around women (Emma Thompson’s Karen and Laura Linney’s Sarah) end in infidelity and heartbreak.

There is also a distinct lack of diversity and LGBT representation. I’m pretty sure the movie could have ditched the Creepy Colin Goes to America to Get Laid storyline and reinserted the deleted scenes featuring Frances de la Tour and Anne Reid as a lesbian couple dealing with terminal illness. Of course, had that happened we would have probably been talking about the 'Bury Your Gays’ trope that has plagued television and cinema, where the already sparse representation of the LGBT community gets killed off (most notably queer women).

So does Love Actually have problems? Yes, it does. But despite these issues, I was still able to love and appreciate Love Actually for what it is. A movie that shows us what love is 'all around us’, whether it’s romantic, platonic or unrequited. It’s complicated and messy. Awkward and charming. Heartbreaking and painful. Problematic!

There are some hits and misses in the movie. Some of the stories suffer from a lack of adequate screen time to develop the relationships, so to believe in some sudden, all-encompassing love is difficult. But some are a couple of well developed, emotionally nuanced plots that make the movie worth a watch. I’ve ranked my favorite Love Actually storylines from worst to best below:

- Colin’s desperate need to get laid - Decides he’s the god of sex stuck on the wrong continent so he goes to America to pick up hot women and succeeds. Meh. His accent isn’t cute enough to dismiss his obnoxious behavior.

- Juliet, Mark and Peter - 'Self-preservation’ is no excuse for being a jerk to someone you’re supposedly in love with, even if that someone is your best friend’s new wife. Also, don’t confess said love on Christmas Eve while your best friend watches television upstairs. It’s creepy.

- Sarah and Karl - Sarah feels like she can’t follow through on a relationship with a man at work whom she’s been in love with for a couple of years because of her mentally ill brother, who has come to depend on her, even though he lives in a facility. If Karl knew what was good for him, he would be willing to give a try anyway, despite the constant phone calls. Boo on Karl.

- David and Natalie - There is an instant spark between the Prime Minister and his new employee, Natalie. She curses a lot, which is cute. He’s Hugh Grant as the Prime Minister, also cute. He decides to change his stance on foreign policy with the President of the United States (a smarmy Billy Bob Thornton) when he catches the President hitting on Natalie. Then he “redistributes” Natalie because of his attraction to her. Also, there are the fat jokes. The saving grace to this story is when David goes door to door to find out where Natalie lives and ends up singing a carol for three adorable little girls with one of his security guards.

- Jamie and Aurelia - Jamie’s brother is having an affair with his girlfriend, so he goes to France for a while to write a crime novel. There he meets Aurelia, a Portuguese woman who cleans his villa and cannot speak English. Jamie can’t speak Portuguese, so they learn to communicate in other ways. This is a cute story and honestly, the only one I feel could have been its own movie. I wanted to see them get past the language barrier and cultural differences on their way to love. But we don’t get a lot of development here, so the proposal at the end, while adorable, is insanely unrealistic. But… Colin Firth, so I’m willing to let it go.

- Billy Mack and Joe - Billy Mack is by far the most entertaining part of Love Actually. An aging rock star who records a horrible Christmas song only to find it becoming a surprise hit thanks to his No F*cks Given attitude while promoting the single, Billy is soon back on top and invited to Elton John’s Christmas bash. Turns out he would rather spend the holiday with his manager than a bunch of scantily clad women. “You turned out to be the fucking love of my life.”

- Harry and Karen (and Mia) - Okay, yes we know Mia is a tart. They’re sure to overplay just how much of a tart she is, with her overt flirtations with Harry, asking him for a pretty present in exchange for 'everything’. She wears devil horns to the Christmas party and wears racy red lingerie while Karen (a devastatingly good Emma Thompson) laments that she feels like Pavarotti in her frumpier wardrobe. We get it. Mia bad. But as usual, Harry’s role in this extramarital flirtation/affair is sometimes lost in the Mia hate. As painful as this storyline is, it’s also one of the more believable ones. Harry and Karen have a home, and two kids and a relationship that feels comfortable, though not overly passionate. Harry’s attention is caught by his attractive assistant and he buys her a gold necklace while gifting his wife a CD she probably already owns. The brilliance of Love Actually is captured in only one scene, where Karen discovers Harry’s infidelity and stands alone in their bedroom while Joni Mitchell plays. She’s not allowed to lose control or release her heartbreak. She has to keep it together as not to spoil her family’s Christmas. Emma Thompson is truly the movie’s MVP.

- John and Judy - This story doesn’t get enough credit when people discuss Love Actually. We get to witness their cute, awkward courtship as they simulate fake sex as stand-ins on a porno. Perfectly normal and charming, this is by far one of the best stories in Love Actually. I wish they’d had more screentime.

- Daniel, Sam and Joanna - Heartfelt and pure, this was much more about Daniel and Sam’s relationship as stepfather and son after a tragic loss than it is about Sam’s crush on Joanna. This is one of the only storylines we get a true conclusion to, and is it a rom-com if there’s not an airport chase scene?

Love Actually is not in my yearly Christmas rotation, but I do consider it an above average holiday film and rom-com. It’s not perfect, but it’s a warm, feel-good movie with some wonderful performances, and the end montage of friends and family greeting each other at the airport will surely tug at your heartstrings.

Fun Facts:

Kris Marshall (Colin) allegedly returned his paycheck for the scene where the three American girls undress him. He said he had such a great time having three girls undress him for twenty-one takes, that he was willing to do it for free, and thus returned his check for that day.

The airport greeting footage at the beginning and end of the film is real. Richard Curtis had a team of cameramen film at Heathrow airport for a week, and whenever they saw something that would fit in they asked the people involved for permission to use the footage.

According to Richard Curtis they had to put Emma Thompson in a “fat suit” to make her appear heavier because she is actually a very thin woman.

Keira Knightley was only 17 when she filmed Love Actually. Thomas Brodie-Sangster (Sam) was 13.

Richard Curtis had been working on two separate scripts when he decided to merge them and create Love Actually. The two scripts were the Prime Minister’s story and Jamie’s trip to Frane where he meets Aurelia. 

Notable Song: Christmas Is All Around by Billy Mack

Rating: 💍💍💍.5

[aion-rsa]

How Mulan Maintains The Animated Film’s Queerness

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This piece contains spoilers for Disney’s Mulan. Read our spoiler-free review here.

More than any of the previous six Disney live-action remakes, Mulan requires the greatest narrative leap from fans of the animated original: The remake has done away with the iconic musical numbers, wisecracking dragon Mushu, and fan favorite Captain Li Shang, who is considered by many to be a bisexual icon for his clear attraction to both Ping (Mulan, pretending to be a man) and Mulan. Instead, perhaps in order to separate out the love interest from the potentially problematic power dynamic, Niki Caro’s 2020 adaptation, which now available to watch for no additional fee for Disney+ subscribers, splits Shang into two characters: father figure Commander Tung (Donnie Yen) and fellow recruit Chen Honghui (Yoson An).

Not surprisingly, breaking out the two major aspects of Shang’s character into separate personas dilutes Hua Mulan’s (Yifei Liu) relationship with each of them. But what’s interesting is that the queer subtext that Disney fans have always seen in Shang doesn’t disappear—it also gets split across two (different) characters. At various points in the film, both love interest Honghui and antagonist Xianniang (Gong Li) engage Mulan based on what is perceived as her same-sex identity: the young soldier with his peer Hua Jun, and the warrior witch with potential ally Mulan. The ways in which each character recognizes and accepts a forbidden aspect of Mulan’s identity (disguising herself as a man to train, and her affinity for qi) read as extremely queer.

The Loss of Li Shang

The decision to separate Li Shang into two roles was in direct response to the #MeToo movement, as producer Jason Reed explained to Collider. Describing the thought process behind developing the story for the live-action remake, he said: “I think particularly in the time of the #MeToo movement, having a commanding officer that is also the sexual love interest was very uncomfortable and we didn’t think it was appropriate.”

And so, the live-action Mulan ages up Commander Tung (Donnie Yen), making him a surrogate father to Mulan-as-Hua-Jun. Having fought alongside her father, Hua Zhou, Tung recognizes in this young soldier a warrior’s spirit, and an affinity for qi. He encourages Mulan-as-Hua-Jun to further develop her qi rather than hiding it, affectionately chiding her. That fatherly concern only amplifies Mulan’s guilt over not honoring the virtue of trueness, allowing Tung to see what he wants to see and earning his respect through that deception.

But because these are the only conversations that Mulan-as-Hua-Jun and Tung have, their dynamic start to feel repetitive. There is absolutely no doubt that the moment Mulan reveals the truth about who she is, Commander Tung will turn on her. His respect and affection only extends to a male soldier, because he can only think in the abstract about notions of truth and honor.

While the producers approached these changes with good intentions, their decision nonetheless very much misses the point of the toxic behaviors that #MeToo advocates seek to expose. The movement is concerned with abuses of power, e.g., for a commanding officer to use their authority to force their subordinate into a nonconsensual sexual situation. What the animated Mulan presented (and what the live-action movie could have recreated without becoming problematic) was the nuanced portrayal of a captain, used to holding himself apart from his recruits, struggling with an attraction to a soldier who looked to him for both his marching orders and for camaraderie during wartime.

The Queer Subtext of Li Shang

Mulan being a Disney property, Li Shang’s (BD Wong) queerness is a matter of viewers reading into subtext. But watch “I’ll Make a Man Out of You” and tell me it’s not the emotional journey of a man recognizing his attraction to this scrappy soldier. The first time Mulans-as-Ping manages to actually knock Shang down, prompting that wondering smile from her leader, is not only a moment of triumph for Mulan, but a revelation for Shang, as well: As Ping proves his worth over the course of the song, Shang realizes that not only does he respect this young warrior, but he might also like him.

Part of the tension between Shang and Mulan-as-Ping is that the captain takes pains to not get close to his subordinates. This is due in large part to the chip on Shang’s shoulder, the fear that he only got his military posting because of his father, General Li. The Emperor’s advisor Chi-Fu on more than one occasion accuses Shang of benefiting from nepotism. “I’ll Make a Man Out of You” clearly draws a dividing line between Ping and the other soldiers commiserating over their rough training, and a shirtless Shang putting them through their paces. The moments in which Ping’s actions or comments break through Shang’s facade are significant because Ping gets past those emotional defenses. 

First it’s by succeeding in the training montage, proving that Shang is a valuable leader; after all, a captain is only as good as his worst recruit. Even so, it is not until the loss of his father and Mulan’s bravery against the Huns at Tung Shao Pass that Shang finally makes himself vulnerable. “Ping, you are the craziest man I ever met,” Shang says, “and for that I owe you my life. From now on, you have my trust.”

Opening up like that, rare and hard-earned for a man like Shang, is what makes the reveal of Mulan’s deception so devastating. Yet this is the point at which many queer fans interpret Shang as bisexual or pansexual: He saves Mulan’s life rather than follow the law and kill her; and while he claims that he is simply offering “a life for a life” and repaying his debt, he clearly has feelings for her. The revelation that she is a woman only complicates those feelings. 

Mulan possesses the same cleverness and courage, the qualities that attracted him to Ping; now she’s just in the form of a socially acceptable love interest. The person has not changed, only the social circumstances surrounding the situation. It is this truth upon which Mulan ultimately convinces Shang to help her at the Imperial City: “You said you’d trust Ping,” she challenges him. “Why is Mulan any different?”

Those tensions are what, if you’ll excuse the pun, animate the relationship between Mulan and Shang in the 1998 film. The live-action remake erases that distance by having Honghui literally be in the trenches with Mulan-as-Hua-Jun—and reverses their dynamic, while retaining the queer subtext.

Honghui as Mulan’s 2020 Love Interest

Honghui is the one who gets past Mulan’s emotional defenses—not deliberately, but simply by dint of them being fellow recruits. The men are crammed into one tent as sleeping quarters (there are some cute moments of Mulan dodging soldiers who like to cuddle in their sleep) and train together all day, sparring and sweating in each other’s personal space. Even more than that, Honghui is intrigued by the taciturn Hua Jun: by his initial stiffness and eagerness to take on guard duty rather than join the others in the showers, and by his defense of one of the men mooning over a drawing of his matched sweetheart.

“Honghui and Mulan start off on the wrong foot in the conscription camp,” An explained in interviews prior to the film’s release, “but throughout the journey of the training, Honghui kind of sees something in Mulan that [the] other boys don’t. It’s that leadership quality, and the perseverance, and how composed she is, really. So he sees something in her that he goes, ‘Yeah, there’s something special about this young dude.’”

A line like that could be read as queer or not depending on one’s perspective. Bustle did ask An if he were ready to become an LGBTQ icon, as Li Shang’s successor, and he said, “I am.” Yet despite it being 2020, none of this is spoken about overtly. It’s still a matter of reading into the movie’s subtext… so, let’s do just that.

In place of “I’ll Make a Man Out of You” is a training scene in which Honghui and Hua Jun spar as equals, both of them learning the moves together. If anything, Mulan demonstrates her superiority when Honghui goads her into using her qi to wipe the smirk off his face. That scene, with its physicality and sense of playfulness, is very much the same vibe as Shang’s stunned smile when he gets Mulan’s foot to his face in “I’ll Make a Man Out of You.”

A significant and welcome change, however, is the bathing scene. In the animated movie, it’s played for laughs, with Mulan sneaking away to the water and instead getting confronted with all of her fellow soldiers’ nakedness. That awkward interaction happens in the tent in the live-action movie; when Mulan-as-Hua-Jun steals away to take a solo dip, it’s Honghui she runs into.

Shang would never deign to bathe with his trainees, but Honghui doesn’t have that hang-up. His ease around Hua Jun is the same as in the tent a few scenes prior, when they had a heart-to-heart about Honghui’s nervousness about talking to potential matches. “Talk to her like you’re talking to me,” Mulan had advised him about women; but when they’re treading water together, Honghui amiably close, she’s the one who’s tense and nervous—about her secret getting revealed, obviously, but also regarding her growing attraction to him.

Of course, she combats this by being brusque; when Honghui asks if they can be friends, she responds, “I’m not your friend.” He takes this in stride: “Very well, but you are my equal. We fight together against the same enemy. I will do all I can to protect the others. You can turn your back on me, but when the time comes, do not turn your back on them.” He consistently surprises her by respecting her boundaries, while still challenging her to see herself as part of this army. He engages her sensitively and candidly, because he thinks he’s talking to another man; if he knew she were a woman, he’d get tongue-tied. Together, they can speak freely and, despite her disguise, be genuine and true with one another.

Still, the dynamic doesn’t quite meet the standard of Shang, because Honghui doesn’t have to grapple with the dilemma of rank and power; the producers sanded off those edges. What’s more, the pivotal why-trust-Mulan moment in the live-action version is given to Honghui, changing the mood of that scene: When she returns to the Imperial army—despite Commander Tung’s threat to murder her if he saw her again—to warn them about the Rourans attacking the Imperial City, at first no one will hear her. Then Honghui speaks up: “You would believe Hua Jun. Why do you not believe Hua Mulan?”

What follows is a tonally odd, Spartacus-esque gesture of all of Hua Jun’s friends proclaiming, “I believe Hua Mulan.” The moment, intended to be inspirational, comes off as emotionally uneven because it takes the words out of Mulan’s mouth; yet it gives Honghui the conviction that Shang lacked. This love interest doesn’t seem that bothered that the soldier in whom he saw a kindred spirit turned out to be a woman; making the leap from Hua Jun to Hua Mulan seems to have been much easier for him. Just like the guarantee that Tung would turn on her, it’s taken for granted that Honghui will support her—both changes erasing the key conflict at the heart of Li Shang.

The Queer Subtext of Mulan and Xianniang

Mulan’s scenes with Xianniang, by contrast, are as multifaceted as the many points of connection between the two women.  The Rouran warrior witch reflects potential fates for Mulan: a girl exiled from her village for her use of qi; an older woman who carves out her place in the world (until she gives up trying); a would-be ally and mentor. In that last respect, perhaps, she has more in common with Li Shang than Honghui does. Like the captain, she initially strives to keep her distance from Mulan, but cannot resist engaging with her—first to taunt her for her deception, but later to offer an alliance, and ultimately to help her.

If you’re watching their four pivotal interactions—each of which directly affects the tide of their war—as a queer person, you may read a particular tension, beyond that of two opposing fighters, into these scenes. How Xianniang casually strokes Mulan’s sword in one moment, only for it to slice her hand in the next. The withering impatience she has for the younger woman’s subterfuge—telling her that her deceit poisons her qi, which she should be strengthening instead—and the tender empathy with which she regards her counterpart after Commander Tung casts her out. The conviction with which she says, “We are the same” and “Join me” and “We will take our place together.” Yes, she’s talking about them reshaping society through their fury and their power… but there is such emotional depth to those words that she has to be talking about more than that.

Disney has an unfortunate history of coding most of its villains as queer, at best playing into offensive stereotypes and at worst ascribing monstrous qualities to seemingly LGBTQ+ characters. As SYFY Wire describes, those biases translate into male villains coming off more effeminate than hyper-masculine heroes, and female villains who lack the scruples of wholesome Disney heroines, instead actively corrupting princesses and anyone else in their path.

Never does Xianniang try to corrupt Mulan; instead, she urges the younger woman to remove her disguise and be true, echoing exactly what Mulan wants for herself. Her offer for Mulan to join her side comes out of a legitimate desire to reshape the world; unfortunately, Xianniang has only known violence, so that is the only way she can envision change. And when Mulan refuses, but still winds up targeted by Böri Khan, Xianniang takes the arrow meant for her and dies in her arms with a heartfelt final blessing to “take your place, Mulan.” This narrative choice is problematic on its own, for invoking the trope of Bury Your Gays—but at this point, can’t we agree that it’s incredibly queer?

Honghui’s journey (mirroring Shang’s) is in realizing that Mulan is everything he could want in a woman, while recognizing that he was already attracted to those qualities when he thought she was a man. Xianniang is never fooled by Hua Jun; she always sees Mulan clearly as who she is, and (like Shang) crosses the distance between them to celebrate every single aspect of Mulan’s personality that society would punish her for. It would seem that she is truly the one who sees something that no one else does.

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Mulan is available now on Disney+.

The post How Mulan Maintains The Animated Film’s Queerness appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[saranel]

The Last Jedi review, sorta

I don’t think I’ve talked enough (if at all) about what a huge Star Wars nerd I am on this blog, mostly because I didn’t love TFA as much as most people seemed to and I just never joined in the renewed fandom frenzy.

TL;DR on my views on TFA: It was fun enough, some interesting new characters, beautiful visuals, but I’d seen that movie before.  It came out in ‘77 and it was much better then.  Homage is one thing, rip off is completely another.  Mostly, I guess I was just disappointed that they didn’t dare to try and move the universe forward a bit, beyond the already trodden path.

Say what you will about the prequels, but I will always, always maintain there’s nothing wrong with them a better script and director couldn’t fix.  George tries, bless him, but he can’t write dialogue worth a damn.  Not even Meryl Streep could’ve made the line “So love has blinded you” any better than Natalie Portman did, and both she and Hayden have proven themselves to be much better actors than they were in Star Wars.  I’m not bothering with Ewan because he was one of the few really great things about the Prequels. 

That having been said, what George can do is weave a decent background story, and the Prequel Trilogy’s story is much, much richer than the OT’s.  Taking off our nostalgia-colored glasses for a moment, let us be honest: the OT was so successful because it did a very simple thing, and did it well, and had a cast with wonderful chemistry. The story itself is nothing to rave about: just your simple Evil Empire vs Plucky Rebels story.  But the Prequels actually got political and much darker than the OT did, they just did it clumsily.  Still, it was something new in the Star Wars universe and George always tried to expand the known worlds by giving us even small glimpses of other cultures and planets.  Don’t forget that Star Wars was never meant to be high-brow Science Fiction a la Philip Dick, but a space adventure.  This doesn’t mean that the story can’t have nuance, but the point of Star Wars was always to be a fairytale exploration of a fictional galaxy.

Compared to that, the new trilogy seemed extremely lacking to me.  And seeing The Last Jedi a few days ago really cemented that.  Never before have I seen so many things happening in one movie while nothing really happens at all.  It makes Attack of the Clones look interesting in comparison, and that’s saying a lot.  ALSO LUKE, WTF HAS THE MOUSE DONE TO MY SPACE SON, THE FUCKING GALL.

So yes, surprise-surprise, TLJ manages to rip off Empire (with a dash of Battlestar Galactica thrown in for good measure) and does so poorly.  It was not a terrible film by any means, but I honestly thought it was no better than Phantom Menace. And Phantom Menace had the Duel of Fates.  So. 

(okay, to be fair, TLJ didn’t have Jar Jar so that’s one point in its favor)

In a nutshell:

(cut for spoilers)

THE GOOD

- Poe.  Poe was good. Moar Poe, there was a serious lack of Poe in TFA and it has been rectified, this was a very good decision. 

- The silent scene.  Y’all know the one.  People in my theater literally gasped in unison.  I was bored outta my skull up until then and as soon as I realized what Holdo was about to do, I sat up, all ‘oshit’ and it was amazing.  Beautifully shot, beautifully clever, and the most badass hero death in the SW universe.  Only comes in second in terms of best scene in the movie because the other one involved a more established and beloved character.

- MY SON LUKE KICKING HIS NEPHEW’S ASS LIKE IT AIN’T NO BIG THANG.  In full disagreement over how shit went down between them in the past, but Luke showing Kylo who’s the most goddamn powerful Jedi in the galaxy (which Luke did canonically become in later years btw) was such a rewarding scene.  Also, he was dressed in black.  Like in ROTJ. Because fuck yeah.

- Rey’s parentage.  Most people probably hated that she’s not a Skywalker but I just... kinda loved the suggestion that she was the Force’s answer to Kylo?  It’s happened before with Anakin, so this isn’t exactly new, and Anakin, too, came from ‘nothing.’ I liked it.  She doesn’t have to have illustrious parentage to be important in the series, and as much as I love my Space Drama Queen clan, it’s time the universe moves on from the Kardashians of the galaxy.

- Luke’s death.  I don’t agree with 99% of what went down with Luke in this trilogy, I think it was deeply out of character, but his ending?  That was spot on.  Did I want more out of his storyline? Obviously, but examined in a vacuum, his ending was beautiful to me.  Especially that last scene.  Best scene in the movie from start to end.

- Yoda manipulating the goddamn heavens to rain thunder upon the ancient tree.  Ilu Yoda

- Leia and Holdo discussing Poe.  This was an A+++ short scene. Get it, ladies.

- Snoke is gone, thank the heavens.  Worst-named villain in movie history, I couldn’t stop laughing every time someone said SUPREME LEADER snoke.

- CRYSTAL FOXES OMG

- Luke getting his kicks in that boring-ass island via EXTREME ROD FISHING, lmao the nerd

THE MEH

- So, um... Kylo and Rey?  ....ew? (did they not think Finn and Rey were super cute or)

- So, um... Finn and Rose?  ....ookaaaay? (did they not see Poe biting down on his lip when he saw Finn in his jacket or)

- I don’t really care for ships in this trilogy tbh, whatever.  Guess I’m steering clear from attachment until I know who’s related to whom (THIS IS A DANGEROUS UNIVERSE TO SHIP IN OKAY).  Plus, not really feeling particularly strong toward any couple, just... not Kylo and Rey, ew.

- Rose.  I liked her, but... they hardly gave her anything to do.  That casino storyline was such a mess, made it seem like she was there just to be there.

- Finn’s storyline. Snoozefest.  I like him, but... see above.

- lol wtf happened to Chewie...? He was just... there?

THE BAD

- SPACE-WALKING LEIA.  I’M SORRY, OKAY, I know this scene will be big with many people, and lord knows I wanted to see Space Mom use the Force beyond that Spidey Sense shit, but this was just so dumb. 

- All the ‘humor.’ My god, just... no.  Not every scene needs to be steeped in Whedon-speak, please stahp.  I will admit the first scene got a chuckle out of me, but the rest...

- The ‘plot.’  This was literally an extended car chase scene in space with some Sense8 type shit thrown in. Rey hardly even did any training, ffs.  

- so the force-sensitive member of the trio goes on to be trained by a wise, isolated mentor and finds herself drawn to a place steeped in the dark side and ends up seeing only herself reflected in there, meanwhile the rest of the characters are involved in a chase across the galaxy, running away from the evil empire, and at some point decide to ask for help form a well-known swindler who betrays them and in the end everything seems bleak with just a tiny glimmer of hope. HMMMMMM. HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. 

- quite frankly, I’m still in shock Rey finished the film with two fully biological arms

- O hei, look, it’s The Salty planet Hoth.  With pod-racing.

- Really? Rey blushing at shirtless Kylo? Really

- WHERE IS FORCE GHOST ANAKIN TO GO “BINCH I REDEEMED MYSELF IN THE END STOP THIS SHIT, ALSO I DID THIS FIRST AND I DID IT BETTER” TO HIS WANNABE GRANDSON

- The whole damn Casino storyline.  I don’t care if it’s meant to set up something for the last movie (probably not) but it was long, boring, and a clumsily written attempt at a storyline that could’ve been more nuanced and a good addition.

- why did we have to see Luke milk that alien Y

- NOT ONE DECENT LIGHTSABER FIGHT THE FUQ.  

- Leia (and Han in TFA) giving up on her son instead of beating some sense into his ass with a space slipper. Y’ALL KNOW SHE WOULD.  Baaaaad characterization. Space Mom would never.

- Also, fuck whoever decided that Leia, who canonically has the exact same force potential as Luke because they’re twins, never developed her powers beyond Force Sense or whatever.  If you’re not gonna give the woman a lightsaber, at least have her Force Push fools out of her way. 

- Wtf Rey you obliterated that nice alien’s cart and didn’t even apologize they work hard every day you should be ashamed

- why was it meant to be funny when porgs were slapped around wtf

- “what’s that canon?”  “Basically a small death star” kjashKLAFJSHSAJKDFSADFHSAK 

- Kylo. Can he just die, plz, the expanded universe did the Evil Solo son storyline so much better.  Yet another way in which this trilogy is totes an ~*homage*~  No shade on the actor though, he did a great job.  It’s just the violent manchild character I cannot stand.

- So like... we’re never gonna learn what Snoke’s deal was...? Or how he got to Kylo...? ....Okay then.

- This movie was 2 and a half hours long.

[blschaos3000-blog]

Its 3:52 pm

Welcome to “8 Questions with…..”

In doing this series and especially of late,I have been really blessed to be able to talk to a lot artists that I have on a “wish list”. These are people whom I really want to talk with but I don’t think I’ll get a chance to. Ashley Kate Adams was on the list. I first was introduced to Ashley Kate and her talent when the cheetah and I watched a excellent film called “1 Message“. Its a story about a young woman who gets breast cancer amd who is slowly falling into a deep depression. When the young woman meets a man online while tracking down her family tree,the connection changes her life on so many levels. This is a movie that I loved quite a bit and I thought Ashley Kate Adams did a great job in what I found later was her feature film debut and she was only 21 when she filmed it. Since then I have been following her career and chatting once in a while on Twitter. Last week I decided to take a chance and ask Ashley Kate for a interview and to my surprise answered “Yes,I do” within 5 minutes. While we were talking,I asked about her new big project,”Boy Hero” which is set during the 1954 Senate Comic Book Hearings and where publisher Williams Gaines and his legendary EC Comics were grilled because of the content.  It was also during the height of McCarthyism and the Hollywood blacklisting,a dark and despairing time (as well as a forgotten period). As soon as we as a society are allowed ,Ashley Kate is kicking “Boy Hero” into high gear and we’ll be posting updates on how the film is progressing. * As you can see,Ashley Kate is a woman on the go,go,go!!  I am so happy that we got a chance to catch her in mid-stride so she could slow down enough to answer her 8 Questions…….

Please introduce yourself and tell us about your latest project?

Hello! My name is Ashley Kate Adams & I am an actress, producer & writer living in NYC! Right now we are so excited to be introducing Frankie! The Musical Cast Concept Album to the world. It releases this Friday, May 29th, on Broadway Records and will be available everywhere music can be streamed. Frankie! The Musical (@frankiemusical) is written by 16-year old Composer and light, Elise Marra. The album is produced by AKA Studio Productions & Mitchell Walker!     Our other main project is “Boy Hero”, a feature film inspired by the Comic Book Trials of 1954. I wrote the 1950’s period film which was inspired by a panel I saw called “When the American Librarian Saved Comics” by Carol Tilley. The film is rounding out development and will be Produced by AKA Studio Productions, Pigasus Pictures & AR Productions and will film in Cincinnati! Please follow us (@boyheromovie) for more exciting updates on fundraising development and production of the film. 

(Michael Kushner Photography)

How have you been coping with Covid-19 pandemic? How are you staying creative and focused?

   I have been thinking a lot about this recently. I’ve been coping with Covid-19 productively. I think many things prepared me for this, the main being thing being the sudden loss of my father in 2016 to cancer. During that time I had to learn to balance many things in conjunction with being completely gutted out with grief. During that time I turned to creating to heal myself and process my emotions so during this pandemic I have followed suit. I’ve actually been working at home with my production company since 2011 so that routine feels like a continuation. We were very lucky, we had just gotten many incredible projects like Frankie! in the can before it felt as if the world froze. Now these projects are able to bring joy to others during this time. On Friday’s I’ve been going LIVE with #BYOP to lead conversations on Grief & Productivity for the Creative @ashleykateadams on Instagram. It’s been important for me to try to help folks navigate this time! 

 When did you first catch the acting bug and what was the reaction like with your family and friends?

I don’t know if I ever caught the acting bug I was kind of just born into the industry. It is what our family does as our family business. You know some families might have a restaurant or a heating & cooling company, we are performers. My parents, who also majored in musical theatre in college (that’s how they met) were VERY honest with me about how hard my future was going to be to move to NYC and pursue this full-time but they knew it was what I was called to do. And I got to make space here for my sister 10 years my junior, Audrey Belle Adams, who recently began her adult career also based out of New York City. 

 How did you land the lead role in your first feature film “1 Message”? What three things did you take with you from the experience? How important is faith to you?

I actually landed my role in “1 Message” thanks to my father. He pitched me at a dinner meeting where the director happened to be. I then auditioned and got the role. That film taught me a lot. The first was that leading a film and being on camera 14 hours a day, 6 days a week is an extremely challenging job. Which leads me to the second thing, I learned how to treat actors on set. The “1 Message” experience is one that seeded in me the need to become an independent film producer to make sure I was always taking care of my actors in an extremely supportive way. Environment, transparency & discernment are everything on a project. The third thing I learned was how strong and aware I was even at a younger age on set. Faith is important to me. It is important to me to believe in something much bigger than yourself. 

(Michael Kushner Photography)

   Which do you like more? Doing TV/film work or live theater and why?

I love both equally but for different reasons. Right now I am very much falling deeper in love with film. I love learning and because I was raised literally at a theatre, in film there is still so much to learn for me. I love each new project on any side. It’s a blast to me navigating each nuance! 

(Michael Kushner Photography)

 What  have been the three pieces of advice given to you in regards to being a performer?

Wow! Great question. “Your best secret weapon is yourself”. That was taught to me by the head of my musical theatre program at CCM, Aubrey Berg. He was correct. I would say the next is to “Be a kind person who people enjoy working with” from Sandra Rivera of Dancensation Studios and the most recent from this past winter break  to “Keep saying yes to the right things and keep expanding” from one of my high school mentors, the great Gail Benedict. 

(Michael Kushner Photography)

 What roles challenge you most as an actress and how do you adapt to make the role yours?

Wheeew. For me the biggest challenge of my actor life was doing “A Christmas Carol(e)”, a one- woman show, directed & written by Alex Freeman. It was terrifying because it was only me on stage for 70 minutes. All I could do to survive it was to walk through it and continue to adapt. Every. Single. Second. I had to be truly present without a fourth wall. There was no protection, no sheen. I love hiding behind characters. I revel in it. It allows me space for courage to be more vulnerable. I’m a weirdo, my prep is usually reading, researching and then I adapt my breath and body. Everything else just kinda happens. The magic of acting! 

 How did the idea for #BYOP come about? What makes a good producer in your opinion?

#BYOP (Be Your Own Producer) came from seeing the need for it. As a producer, actor and creative I can only take on so many projects full time at once but #BYOP allows me to be available to you and your project on an hourly basis. It also teaches content creators how to producer so they can become sustainable and independent! During the pandemic it expanded to teaching these intentions in a group digital setting. The brand is continuing to grow and diversify. In development are many exciting new pieces, perhaps something you could listen to and something you can hold. Stay tuned and be sure to follow @ashleykateadams for updates! ! ; ) 

(Michael Kushner Photography)

You created a one woman show called “A Christmas Carole” for the theater, where did you come up with the idea and how hard is doing a one person production on a nightly basis?

I helped to create the show but I cannot take credit for the idea or writing on that one, that was my creative partner in crime, Alex Freeman. We put it up in 6 days with the help of our two amazing stage managers. It’s exhausting and exhilarating doing a one person production. I lived like a nun during the day to stay calm and preserve all of my energy for the performances. I still can’t believe I did it! 

 How important are awards to you as a performer?

Awards are not important to me as a performer, but the respect and nod that comes because of them is appreciated. I got my first best actress award in 2018 for Alex Freeman’s two-hander “Love” at the New York Theatre Festival. It’s hard being a woman in the business on every side. Especially as a Producer. So when a group of people decide not only that you  “did well” but that you should be “acknowledged”, that is nice. 

You love to sing,what makes a good song and which three Broadway scores would you love to sing if given a chance? Who is your favorite singer/band at this moment?

I do love to sing! It’s a part of my identity even though I’ve been more internal as of late with my creativity. I would say three Broadway scores I would love to sing through would be “Waitress”, “Sunday in the Park with George” and “The Sound of Music”. My favorite singer is my sister, Audrey Belle Adams @abelleadams, always and forever because she has the most flexible vocal instrument I have ever heard and my favorite band right now is M.N.O.P. @MNOP_music. They have rockin’ folk punk music, a kick butt lead female singer & a really cute drummer : ) 

 How important is self-promotion to you and your career? 

Self-Promotion is a large part of a creative career. In the age of social media & “influencers”, it has to be. I have not always been good at it. I had to learn to produce others to get comfortable producing & promoting myself. 

 What do you like to do on your down time?

In my downtime I like doing yoga, going on walks, listening to true crime podcasts, reading, taking class and spending time with my loved ones. 

 The cheetah and I are flying over to watch to you in “A Christmas Carol(e)” but we are a day early and now you are stuck playing tour guide,what are we doing?

If A Christmas Carol(e) played NYC and there was a day off I would say to spend the morning in Central Park, afternoon around Bryant Park popping into the Strand Book Store & the Bean coffee shop and to spend the evening in the theatre district enjoying an OPEN Broadway. Late evening in the village hopping venues and listening to live music! 

(Michael Kushner Photography)

  I want to not only thank Ashley Kate for chatting with us but also for being inspired to make “Boy Hero”. I cut my fanboy teeth reading EC Comics growing up. When I read William Gaines bio and found out just how close that comic books were to being banned,it was shocking. Without Gaines and a slew of others,including many librarians fighting this censorship,there would no “Star Wars”,Marvel or DC or many cultural icons we take for granted today.     Like I wrote before,this is a forgotten piece of American history and much respect to Ashley Kate and her production team on making this film to hopefully remind us of what we almost lost.

Ashley Kate has several different ways that you can keep track of her and her various projects.

You can follow Ashley Kate on her InstaGram page. You can check out Ashley Kate’s next project via her IMDb page. You can also follow “Boy Hero” on InstaGram as well. You can also visit Ashley Kate’s personal website by going here.

Thank you for reading and supporting (and sharing) Ashley Kate’s interview. Feel free to drop a question below and stay tuned for updates about “Boy Hero”. You can also read past “8 Questions” interviews by going here.

8 Questions with………..actress/producer Ashley Kate Adams Its 3:52 pm Welcome to "8 Questions with....." In doing this series and especially of late,I have been really blessed to be able to talk to a lot artists that I have on a "wish list".