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didiletyouknooow · 8 years

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25. Factory Of Faith

Finally another chapter of Josh & Eileen!

And I finally got more than 100 followers! Thank you so much for reading and liking my story. Thank you for the feedback and comments :) I startet writing this story out of a spontaneous idea after I read @bemygetawayjz and now I wrote 25 chapters! But I got a few more ideas left!

But I can’t promise that I’ll update twice a week due to studying and all this stuff you have to do for university. But I’ll try to do it! In this chapter I mention a topic which I think is interesting for the story but can also be a problem if you’re really dating a famous person: fans. Don’t take it too seriously, when Eileen checks out social media. But I think it’s kind of realistic that she has these fears. Have fun reading!

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On Monday we took a flight back to Berlin. Yes right, Josh accompanied me. He had to be back in the states on Saturday morning. Then their North America tour would continue. I don’t have to mention that it made me feel very happy that Josh came all the way to Berlin with me.

So the next days were all about spending time together. We slept very long on Tuesday until finally leaving the bed and had a nice breakfast in the afternoon. Later we took a walk, we talked a lot, bought some pizza, went back home, watched some films and had another very nice and deeply talk until the middle of the night. He told me about their touring problems, stressful days, boring interviews but also about great moments he had on stage in the last 5 years. Over the years he had some problems dealing with pushy fans. I knew he couldn’t handle such situations very well and he kind of hated it although he was thankful for the fans the band had. But it was hard for him suddenly being high-profiled. But I guess he did it very well and got more and more confident.

We spent the other days waking up early – because of our jet lag – visiting some museums, having dinner at great restaurants and having a date night together with Lara and Leon. For the first time it felt like a typical relationship. During the holidays it felt a bit weird because of all this stuff that had happened. Before the holidays, we still had to figure out where our relationship would lead us – well we still did but in November/December everything was very new to us. Although it still felt like being in a honeymoon phase I noticed that I kind of got to know Josh a little bit more each day. I knew that he was a late sleeper just like me, that he didn’t like talking too much in the morning because he needed time for him to wake up. He always scratched his noise when we were having an argument and he kneaded his hands when he was nervous.

So on Friday afternoon we had to say goodbye for 4 whole weeks. My job would be finished on February 28 but because of Lara’s birthday on March 2 I decided to stay for a few more days until I would finally fly back to California. Back home.

Josh and I went to the airport and had some issues with leaving each other. Sure we both didn’t want to say goodbye but we had to. He had to do his job in the states and I had to do my job here in Berlin. We hugged and kissed and said some beautiful words to one another. For a short moment it felt like we were the only people at the airport, like time would stand still. “I have to go now, otherwise my flight is starting without me and the band would be very mad at me” Josh finally said and for the last time on this day he looked me in the eyes. “Okay” I sighed. “Goodbye little bird” he smiled at me before kissing me one the last time. I didn’t want his lips to leave mine. But he had to go. “Little bird?” “Yes” he grinned.

Then he went away to his gate. I watched him until he got lost in the crowd. Well there he goes I thought - 4 weeks until we would meet again.

I tried to stay positive and focused on my work. I was very productive because every night I told myself it was one day less until I would meet Josh again. Honestly, I wasn’t missing someone that much in a long time. The last year of my relationship with Steve I didn’t really miss him. Sure I thought about him when we didn’t see each other but I didn’t really miss HIM. I guess I just missed that someone was around me.

I forgot about how hard missing someone could be, like you really feel such a pain because the person isn’t around you and you want to know how the person feels, what the person does, what the person eats, drinks, reads, what’s on the person’s mind and when the person goes to bed and if the person thinks about you before falling asleep.

Thanks to the modern technique Josh and I could stay in contact via several options. Sometimes we skyped but when he was on tour he didn’t have much time to do it. Then there was this time difference that bothered us. So we skyped very rarely. Instead we wrote messages and sent photos of what we did or saw this day.

“E….

How are you? I hope you’re fine! Greetings from the road! Today we’re in St. Louis. I always have to think about this girl Jennifer Hudson played in this “Sex and the City” movie we watched – I still hate this movie! But she was called Louise from St. Louis. Well, today I had an interview and the woman was also called Louise which was very funny for me so I started laughing when she introduced herself and she looked at me with a very confused face. She must’ve thought “What a weird guy”. I guess this was the most interesting story from today. I’m looking forward to our concert tonight.

Kisses and hugs and kisses….ten minutes later I’m still wishing I could REALLY kiss you :(

J…”

“Hey my lovely Josh (does it sound too cheesy for you?)

I’m fine thanks. It’s still very cold in Berlin. It’s like the winter had his comeback after a few weeks of ugly rainy days and 10 degrees. The streets were frozen so when I walked to the subway the other day I was a way too fast so I slipped and fell to the ground. My knee hurt so bad that I had to cool it for the rest of the day. But it’s okay now. There are still some scratches but well….I won’t wear shorts in the next few weeks so everything’s fine.

Haha, sound like a funny story and an embarrassing moment for you and the interviewer! I hope your concert was great! I guess so…

Kisses back to the states (maybe they’ll arrive with a little bit of a time difference but they’ll definitely arrive, I swear!)

Love you, Bye <3”

Time flew by as always and suddenly there were only three weeks to go. Yes! It’s not that I didn’t live my life in Berlin. I even enjoyed my last weeks here but I wished that I could see my boyfriend on a regular basis like Lara did. She and Leon were the perfect couple who always had the opportunity to see each other. He was there when she had problems at work, he bought her some medicine when she was ill, he even cooked a soup for her! Leon was the loveliest of my girlfriends’ boyfriends ever. He was so cute and supporting that it hurt! He knew Lara so well, he was like the perfect guy. But one day when I came back from work they were fighting – like really shouting at each other. I thought “Okay, that’s it. Now it’s over. But they can’t break up! They’re not allowed to do it!”. But after a few hours of keeping silence after Leon left our apartment he came back, apologized and they were happily again. My heart almost skipped a beat! They can’t do that to me I!

“Josh :) How’re you doing? I hope you don’t get a cold in Milwaukee! I’ve heard it’s snowing very heavily there! Keep yourself warm and….I guess you won’t ever hear me saying this again but….wear as many layers as you can! :D

Did you visit the record store you told me about? I hope so!

Well, at the moment my life is very boring. The week was soooo lame. My boss was absent because he was sick so it was kind of relaxed at work. Next week I’m going to prepare the last event I’ll be a part of here at the museum. It’s still weird that I have only 2 weeks to go. Time flies by very fast… One year ago I wouldn’t have thought that I would be happy to come back to California because everything in Cali was bothering me. But 12 months later I can say, there is at least one person that changed my opinion. I’m counting the days. 18 days :)

Love you, KISS Eileen”

“E….

I’m fine. The snow in Milwaukee was horrible! Flea and Anthony wanted to visit a burger restaurant but the van couldn’t drive them. Chad and I preferred to stay in the hotel room. I had an important talk with Ian about some changes on my pedal board. I hope we can do it in the next days. Sadly I wasn’t able to visit this specific record store I talked about. There was too much snow! Well as you said, time flies by very fast. Tomorrow is our last concert of this tour leg. But we’ll start touring again in one week which is untypical for us but …you can’t change the schedule. I’m very exhausted at the moment. I think I’ll sleep for two days when I’m back home. But the rest of the week I’ll do some jam sessions with the Dots….so no rest for me. Let’s skype at the weekend, okay?

Love and miss you,

J…

Well, we didn’t skype at the weekend due to Josh’s forgetfulness. He forgot that he had a special meeting with Bob again. He didn’t tell me why. Well, yeah. My week was so stressful that I was kind of happy that I found some time to get some sleep and just stayed in bed for like the whole weekend – my chilling time was only bothered by some noises coming from Lara’s room. I hated it that she was so loud when she had sex. I mean, yeah we lived together in a flat, we both were grown ups and the walls weren’t that thick but, why did she had to scream so loud? Not everyone in this flat wanted to hear it – aka me.

Maybe I felt so bad and kind of pissed off because Josh didn’t text me back for three days. I knew he was busy but it couldn’t stop me from paralyzing my phone. Every time it was ringing I hoped that it was him. But it wasn’t.

Well, while I was lying in my bed, head phones on to avoid these bothering noises from Lara and Leon, I scrolled through my Instagram feed. It was kind of boring. I guessed if Josh would’ve Instagram I would’ve stal….wait.

A few minutes later I was searching for pictures of Josh on Instagram. When did I become so weak and curious at the same time? There were several photos of Josh on the app. I clicked at some of them and noticed that most of the time fan accounts were posting photos of the band members – yes I even looked up the others.

I even read some of the comments the fans posted under the pictures.

“He’s so gorgeous and cute!”

“His hair looks so great in this video!”

“I love Frusciante but Josh is really great on the guitar. Sure he plays it differently, but it’s his way of playing. We should give him a chance!”

“I don’t like that dude. Bring JF BACK!!!!!”

“What is he wearing? It’s like XXXXXXL :D”

“I liked his solo on Wet Sand the other day. It sounded soooo beautiful Oh and I love his voice <3”

“I wonder if he has a girlfriend? I think he broke up with Mia some years ago”

Well, okay. This was just a random list of comments by fans. Sure, I knew that there were still people who didn’t like him, who wanted John back. There were also still people who thought that Josh can’t play the guitar but I didn’t expect that there were so many girls who actually liked him – and not only his way of playing the guitar. Well okay, there were some girls at the hotel in Brooklyn who asked for some autographs and pictures. But I really didn’t expect that there were girls fancying him. I always thought everyone was into Anthony Kiedis? But I was wrong. Sure he was cute and gorgeous but I didn’t know how I should feel about the fact that there were so many girls out there who fancied my boyfriend? It felt weird to be honest.

I found myself clicking through some pictures and checked some accounts. I didn’t want to do it but I couldn’t stop doing it. It was like an accident. You don’t want to look at it but you have to. You can’t stop it. There were so many questions that were on my mind now. I wondered if there were fans who tried to hook up with some of the boys on tour? I mean, they’re on tour for a very long time and you can always meet new people in a new city. I knew that they had some groupies back in the day, in the 80s or 90s. But this wasn’t with Josh being in the band. Now everyone was older, grown up, clean, had family. And at least three of them were in a relationship. I didn’t know if Flea had a girlfriend or not. There wasn’t any woman around him when I met him. But having a relationship didn’t mean that you have to be faithful to the partner. When you’re on the road there are so many opportunities. It’s far away from home, sometimes even in a foreign country. You’ll never meet this person ever again you’ve met in this specific bar in Ireland. I knew that Josh said it’s not his thing, hooking up with strangers on tour and I believed him. I even believed him that he wouldn’t do it if he would be single. And I also knew that not every fan wants to hook up with a certain band member. But I knew that there could be people who would do it. Maybe I was one of them?

What would I do if I would meet my favorite singer in a bar back in the days when I was single and he would flirt with me? Would I respond to this offer? If he was hot and I was single and I wanted to do it…maybe? Maybe I had to ask it more precisely: Would I hook up with Ryan Gosling? I guess ehm….if there wouldn’t be Eva Mendes…ehm yes? This was the moment when I started laughing. What was I thinking? My mind went totally crazy. But it was also the same moment my phone ringed. It was a message from Josh.

“E…

Sorry that I didn’t answer. I was so busy. I was working with Bob over the weekend. He had this idea for another film he wants to do and he asked me to write some music again….but in the end we had to come to terms that I wouldn’t have the time to do it. I feel very sorry, he’s my friend, you know. But I don’t have time to do it. When I do something like that I want to give 100%. But at the moment I’m not able to do it due to our touring schedule in the next months.

Oh well, I hope your weekend wasn’t that stressful. How are you honey? I hope fine! I miss you so much and I hope I could skype with you right now but you’re probably asleep.

It’s like business never ends. Next week a musician from Switzerland will visit me in the studio. I have to produce some songs for her album. Do you know Sophie Hunger?

I’d like to say I’m excited to do it but….all I want to do is lying in my bed with you and get some sleep.

I love you,

Kiss

J.”

Sophie Hunger? Well, I’ve heard of her. But I couldn’t stop….I had to look her up on the internet. Ahhhhh, Eileen, what were you doing? When did you become so jealous? It was Josh’s job. He was a musician and musicians work with other musicians. That’s what they do. But nevertheless, I looked her up. She looked nice.

“Hey Josh,

Love and kisses to you! I don’t want you to feel exhausted! I hope you’re having time for some sleep in the next days. It’s sad that you aren’t able to work with Bob on his project but, you know, you can’t change it. Maybe he can start with the project a little bit later? I’ve heard of Sophie Hunger, she’s a great musician I guess. Have fun working with her :)

I love you, too!

Kiss! Eileen”

Well the lines I wrote him were totally different than the pictures that were on my mind. I saw Josh laughing and giggling with this Swiss musician. They had fun in the studio. He liked her because she was a musician, too. After recording and producing and any other things they had to do, they went to drink a beer – or two – and later….

STOP! STOP! STOP!

Eileen, you have to stop thinking this way! You can’t always be jealous just because Josh works with other women, meets other women or has fans who are actually women. This would kill you, I said to myself. You have to focus on your relationship with Josh. Otherwise you’ll totally freak out. You have to trust Josh. He’s your boyfriend. Who will you trust if not Josh?

The next days we stayed in contact but he didn’t respond much.

“E…

Hope you’re fine. I’m very busy now. The recording and producing process is fun but also hard work. But she’s a great musician.

What are you doing?

Love ya, J….”

“I’m fine. Work is great. It’s like I can enjoy the last days and weeks. It’s only 1.5 weeks to go. I’m feeling very sad that I have to leave next week but well….that’s how life’s like. It was a great opportunity. Tomorrow I’ll have my job interview with this school in Pasadena! I’m so excited! Wish me luck! I found a nice record store today here in Kreuzberg. I’ve never been there before which is very strange because it’s on my way to the supermarket. Sure I saw it before but I never entered it. I was searching for some cool old cds but I didn’t find one. Well, maybe in the next days. I want a gift for myself I can take with me from Berlin. Except of you ;) Love and miss you, Eileen”

“Sounds great! Fingers crossed! Kisses J.”

Hm, I wasn’t disappointed because of his short response but….I guess I wished he would refer to my story about the record store or even respond to the “Except of you”-part. Ahhhhh. Text messaging was the devil when it came to analyzing messages. Why did I always have to analyze it? Maybe he was running out of time but wanted to write a quick respond – one day later. Okay I guess it was official. I was totally getting crazy here in my room. I had to leave to do some work out!

When I came back Lara was in the kitchen. She brought us some pizza. Well, this was typical for me: doing work out and afterwards treating myself with pizza. “What’s uuuuup?” she welcomed me. “Pizza?” “Oh that’s what I need!” I said and took a seat. When Lara and I had pizza we always shared our pizza with each other so we could try both of them. “So tell me about your day honey” she wanted to know. “Well, you don’t want to hear it I guess” “Why?” “’Cause I might have done something very unintelligent” “What did you do?” “I searched for Josh on Instagram….” Lara stared laughing. “And this is so unintelligent and bad?” she was still giggling. “Kind of….I mean, I read a lot of weird stuff there” “’Come on, give me some examples” “Like….did you know that many girls seem to be into Josh?” “What do you mean, ‘into Josh’?” “Well….they fancy and adore him” “So…what’s wrong with it? I was in love with Anthony Kiedis when I was 14. And he was 35. So it’s totally okay I guess…” I sighed and took another slice of the pizza. “What’s wrong with fancying a musician? ‘Come on Eileen, we all did it!” “Yes but….I never was in this weird situation being a girlfriend of a musician” I told her. “I mean, it’s not only these girls….so many people say shit about Josh on the internet. I just…I could punch them. I want to protect Josh” “Does he read some of these comments?” “I don’t think so” “See, you don’t have to worry.” She let me know. “After all they’re just fans who love his music and what he does as a musician and they’re happy when they get a concert ticket and see them live and sing and dance along to their music” “I know” I sighed. “But….you don’t worry about the fans, you worry about other things, am I right?” “Kind of…” I mumbled. “Tell me” “It’s not only about the fans….it’s also about people he could meet on tour” “You mean like…women?” “Right” I said and took a sip of water. “I know he told me that he doesn’t like hook ups and all this stuff ‘rock stars’ do – and I believe him! But there is always a little bit of fear that he will change his mind when he’s on the road. He’s on tour now for one month and our contact went from skyping to messaging everyday to messaging every three days. It’s so difficult and hard for me not to freak out. My mind is going crazy when I have time to think about the fact that he’s on tour and could meet other women every day. Even when he’s back in L.A. he doesn’t take a rest, instead he’s making music with this Sophie Hunger!” “Who’s Sophie Hunger?” “A Swiss musician who was in L.A. this week to record some songs so Josh can produce them. He just told me. I mean, I don’t want to react jealous but….ahhhhhh” “Well I guess it’s time for this” Lara said and put the vodka out of our fridge. “No!” “We need it. Afterwards we can analyze the situation with a clearer view, you know” “Clearer view” I laughed.

Two vodka shots later we came to terms that I had to fight against my jealousy. “You have to trust him. I mean, he trusts you, right?” “He does I guess” “Right. I mean, you could party every night in a different club – we’re in Berlin! You could meet tons of men there so you’re not the only one who has to deal with jealousy. It’s a typical problem of long distance relationships and that’s what Josh and you have at the moment. It’s a long distance. But you’re not the only one who suffers with your fears. So does Josh – at least I can imagine that he’s lying in bed and thinking about what you’re doing at the moment. But that’s okay, totally okay. As long as it doesn’t get sick. You know, like totally lost in jealousy. And I think that’s what you’re doing at the moment.” Lara explained to me. “You’re right. I’m completely suffering because of the fans, the tour, everything. It’s just because we live totally different lives. He’s always on the road and even if I would not be here in Berlin I would go crazy in L.A. because he’s away. It’s not that easy, you know.” “I know and I can totally relate to it. My ex played in a band as well – not that famous as the Chilis, but he was away very often and played gigs everywhere in Germany. So, I always stayed at home and was wondering what he was doing. Who would attend their shows. Which women….” “That’s the point. The fans can call him cute and can ask if he might have a girlfriend but….it’s the random people he meets on the road that bother me” “But honestly, how many people do the Chilis meet on the road? Most of them are journalists. They’re staying in their luxury hotels. Whom should they meet?” “Josh always goes for a walk or whatever. He is not followed around like the others” “I know but….Eileen, just stay cool. Be happy that there are people out there who like what Josh is doing. He’s always so self-critical and not the most confident person I know so it’s great that he has fans” “It is but….you know” “It’s his lifestyle and your lifestyle which is totally different I know” I sighed. Well, Lara was right. I had to calm down and relax. Josh trusted me so I had to trust him. Some days later Josh and I were skyping for the first time since he went on tour. “How are you feeling?” Josh asked me and waved into the camera. He was sitting on his bed in his hotel room in San Francisco. “I’m great. It’s Friday night, I ordered Chinese food and I’m sitting in my jammies on my bed talking to my boyfriend. Very un-lovely” I joked. “You’re the loveliest woman I know” he chuckled. “What about you? Did you find a record store in San Francisco?” “Well….I know the city very well so I’ve visited every record store I guess” Josh laughed. “I just arrived here. I was the last one who arrived here. The others left this morning because of some interviews we had but I came here at noon” “Why?” “Because I had to do the final touch on Sophie’s songs” Ah well, Sophie. “How was working with her?” I asked. “It was great. She and her band mates were very nice and we had a lot of fun but it was also very hard. We worked until night every day. So, sorry for not responding or calling. But at least I can hear and see you now” he smiled at me. “That’s the best part of my weekend!” I let him know. Suddenly some one was knocking on Josh’s door. It was Claire. He had to leave to drive to the arena. So we agreed to skype in a few hours after sound check in the arena. My clock told me that this was going to be a long night. It was already 11pm.

So while Josh obviously had his sound check in San Francisco I continued reading a book, cleaned the dishes, had a short chat with my mom on the phone and wasted my time on Facebook. At 0.40am Josh called me via Skype again. I almost fell asleep but now I was awake. “There you are again!” I smiled. “You look a bit tired. What time is it in Germany?” he still couldn’t learn the time difference between California and Berlin. “It’s almost 1am” I told him. “Oh well I’m sorry! If you want to go to bed, I won’t stop you!” “No….it’s okay. I want to talk to you. We did it rarely in the last weeks….” I noted. “I know….and I’m so sorry Eileen. But I was so busy and couldn’t find the time” I didn’t want to start a discussion about it although I had to admit that I was a bit disappointed that he couldn’t find the time talking to me on Skype or on the phone. “I have to work on planning my time. The last week was so stressful, I’m still completely exhausted” I felt bad for Josh. He loved making music and working with other musicians but he really looked very tired and thin. “Did you eat enough?” “Hm, sometimes” he said. “Josh!” “Just a joke. I love eating but I guess we didn’t eat very healthy in the last days. Always junk food” “Hm….” “But on tour we have our own cook who makes delicious food for us! Wanna take a look?” he asked and got up from his seat in a dressing room backstage. He left the room and walked with his laptop in his hands into another room where I could see a buffet full of food. “So here’s our little paradise” Josh joked. “Brian cooks everything we want” he said and took some bananas and a bun. “The only thing that isn’t delicious on tour is the coffee” “Poor Josh” I laughed. “Coffee junkie” While I was still giggling Josh was stopped by a woman. I couldn’t see her because she wasn’t in front of the camera but I heard her voice. “Hey Josh, do you wanna have some coffee? We want to go to the café across the street” she asked him. “Oh sure, when?” “In a few minutes” “Okay, I’m coming” I heard Josh saying. “Oh this is Sophie” he then told me and turned the laptop so I could finally see her. She smiled and waved into the display. “This is my girlfriend Eileen” Josh informed her. Sophie only said “Hi” before another person started talking to her and Josh went back into the dressing room where we could talk among us. “So this was Sophie?” “Yes, she’s here for the show. I gave her and her band mates tickets” “Great” “So what about work? The last week, hm?” “Right! It’s very strange because I can’t imagine leaving them. They were so nice to me, like family” “And you did a great job there I guess. Such an interesting job by the way” “Really?” “Yes, when we first met I was so flashed by all the topics you talked about with the other guests. I never heard of it before” “Well…it’s just what I’ve studied” “I know but….I think it’s great” he smiled into the camera. “Oh by the way, what about the job interview?” “It was good I think. I can’t appreciate it. But they will call me until next week” “Oh that’s great! See, as I said. Everything is going to be okay” “Yes…” At this moment there was a person coming into Josh’s room. Again it was Sophie. I couldn’t see her, just heard what she said. “Josh, we’re about to leave for the café” she let him know. He nodded. “Oh and are you coming to the bar later after the concert? We all go I guess. At least I will be there” she laughed. He seemed to think about what he should answer but in the end he nodded and said “Yes, I’ll be there” and I saw how he smiled at her. Well Eileen, calm down. She’s just a work partner. “Sorry Eileen, I have to hang up now but we talk later, okay?” he said. “Okay” “Oh and you can watch the concert online in a live stream. I’ll send you the link” he said and then we air-kissed us goodbye. Connection over. A few minutes later he sent me the link where I could watch the live stream. Well it was in about 4 hours. So here it would be 5am. Ohhhhhh. I was tired so I set the alarm clock that I wouldn’t miss the concert and fell asleep very quickly. When it awaked me I felt very tired and knackered. But my mind reminded me that I wanted to watch the concert. So I opened the link with the live stream. Well 20 minutes to go. So I read some articles on the website. There was even a link to an interview with Josh. I clicked on it.

The interview was very interesting. Josh told a lot about making the last record and how he felt as the “new” member in the band. He told that he didn’t have a problem with being the youngest member. It was quite interesting to read it because I got to know a new side of him. He was so humble and modest. But there was one part in the interview – which was from the end of 2011 – that leaped into my eyes.

“So recently you bought a new house with an own music studio? How did it change your way of living? Josh: Well, to be honest I couldn’t really settle down yet. I was always on the road so I guess my girlfriend spends more days in it than me which is funny because every time I come home from touring there is a new painting on the walls or a new light in the living room. She pretty much furnished it already (laughs)”

Wow, so he spoke about Mia furnishing his house? I wonder if it was still the same house he was living in now. But I guessed so. He never talked about moving into another house in the last years. So there was this feeling again: he must’ve loved Mia very deeply. She even lived in his house when he was absent, this was what he already told me. But I didn’t know that she kind of furnished it. I only spend a few nights in his house and I liked how it was furnished. I wondered if he changed a lot after they broke up or if he didn’t care about it. ‘Well Eileen, again, this leads you to one question: how jealous are you?’

my mind asked. On a scale from 0 to 10, how jealous am I? To be honest I was totally jealous at the moment. Jealous of the fans that were at the arena tonight, jealous of Sophie who could’ve spent the last days with Josh in the studio, jealous of every journalist who spoke to him in the last weeks and jealous of Mia who was part of his home and even furnished it. I wanted to scream but I didn’t. Instead I did what Lara told me, I took another vodka shot, went into the living room where we had this new smart TV Leon gave us – he brought himself a bigger one – and opened the link to watch the concert. It was strange seeing Josh and the band on this big screen at 5:10am in Berlin while everyone was sleeping – but I was happy seeing him again. I tried to forget about the fans, about girls he could meet on tour, Sophie and even Mia. I suppressed it and focused on the concert which was starting with “Can’t Stop”. “Are you still awake?” Lara asked when she came home from partying. It was 5:37am. “Kind of” I answered. She grabbed the blanket next to me and sat down at the sofa. “Chili Peppers?” “Yes, it’s live from San Francisco” “Oh cool!” she said and took a glass of coke. “Well, I’m not tired enough so I join you” she said and laid her head on my shoulder. There we were: two girls in an apartment in Berlin watching a live concert of the Chilis at 6am in the morning.

The Chilis ended their set with “Give It Away” – as always. Josh waved at the fans and then left the stage while Flea thanked the audience and spread some love. The camera followed him leaving the stage and for a few minutes we could see what the band did right after the gig. They were standing there, some towels on their shoulders, talking and laughing. Anthony has left with his son while Flea welcomed Clara. I wanted to see Josh but it seemed that he had left yet….until the camera turned around and I saw him talking to a woman and some guys around him. It was Sophie and her band. “Who’s that girl?” Lara asked into the silence of the room. “Sophie” “This Swiss musician?” “Yes” “Why is she there?” “He gave her and her band tickets” “For the backstage area?” “Seems like that” I took another glass of coke and tried to stop me from thinking about Josh and all the opportunities he could have while touring. “Well, sometimes he’s too nice don’t you think?” Lara asked me. “Why?” “I think he can’t say ‘no’. He always wants to make people happy I suppose…” “Well actually he can say no. He did when I informed him about this job opportunity in Roseburg” “Hm, okay….” “He’s not like any other man” “That’s true” she said. “Is it hard work being in a relationship like that? I think I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone so famous” “I think he’s not that famous….he can walk down the streets without people noticing it. But I get what you mean, he doesn’t have a normal job, he’s always on the road. I don’t know how it will work when I’m back in L.A….I guess we’ll see” “I think you two are doing great. I’m very proud of you and I’m happy for you. Josh seems to make you so happy and that’s a good thing. When I think back….one year ago…there was this heartbroken girl in my apartment that just wanted to flee from her pain in California. She came to cold Berlin and just did it. I mean, look at you now. Self-confident, lucky in love” she smiled at me and gave me a hug. “Thank you Lara, honestly thank you. I think I wouldn’t have made it this far without you” I let her know. “Promise me that we stay in contact even if I’m back in L.A.” “We do!” she said smilingly and hugged me.

“You’re very happy with Josh, right?” Lara said while she was eating a chocolate bar. It was already 8:12am but we didn’t care. We weren’t tired. “I am. I really am” I answered without thinking about it. “But as you said, it’s not that easy. We have to manage our time together. Plus, I have to manage my jealousy” “Well, I guess if time flies by, you won’t be that jealous because you know him better and you can trust him better. Believe me” “I hope so” “Why should he meet other women if he has you?” “I don’t know….maybe because it’s exciting. It’s something new. Maybe he’s bored?” “EILEEN!” Lara stopped me from thinking such awful self-hurting things. “Don’t you dare thinking about it ever again!” “Sorry….” I laughed. “But, you know, I recently had the thought if maybe I should try something new. Maybe surprise him….” “Hm, what do you mean?” “I want to surprise him” “Ohhh!” Lara giggled and listened carefully. This was her topic! “What are you thinking of?” she wanted to know. “Uhm….you know. Instead of travelling to Los Angeles I will travel to New Orleans two days previous to surprise him on tour. But I thought maybe I can surprise him in other forms as well, you know what I mean” I twinkled. “Oh sure! Surprise him with lingerie!” she leered. “Urgh I hate buying new one. But I’ll see. Or, do you have any other ideas what I can actually DO?” I wanted to know. “I mean, you’re the girl to ask” I grinned. “Absolutely!” she said and pointed me in the right direction.

“Well ehm, and you think that’ll work?” “Sure! I tried it several times” she leered and took a sip of her coke.

___________

This song perfectly fits to the chapter I guess....

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