#via convo w/ a friend but

[tovaicas]

it has just occurred to me how much cooler and meaningful the ‘break open ala mhigo’s gates’ scene could’ve been if the dravanian horde attended to personally avenge the deep insult of desecrating their dead father’s body before he’s even cold in his grave

[kuiinncedes]

ahhhhh

[caramelmochacrow]

i literally woke up bc of this thought. lol.

[roseillith]

Pls don’t hurt yourself. Deleting a blog is one thing but pls don’t hurt yourself. So sorry to hear you’re feeling this way. You put so much joy and beauty into the world via this blog im one of many recipients of that and no matter how you feel you look like externally, i and many others get a chance to see your soul and it’s beautiful, expansive, smart, inspirational and full of humour! As a black person I also sometimes feel alienated and off key when my fam speak ga of twi around me and yet haven’t taught me, sometimes I feel so disconnected from everyone and feel like I’m floating away with nothing to hold me, no anchor to any sort of real meaningful life. Betrayal from friends or from love, broken heartedness, loneliness strike but still there is a lil bit of light, there is the wind blowing on my face, a glass of water, a favourite song, some sun. There are small joys that remind us we are not alone. And You are not alone and I hope that one day soon you receive all the joy light and good energy you put into this harsh world. Pls don’t give up. We love you, keep your head up

tyvm I appreciate your message deeply, I feel a constant push n pull whenever I log on & post on here, the things that I’ve posted recently (including this) has made feel ashamed in that I have spilled out all of my thoughts n feelings out on this public platform, the same place that I’ve been constructing as way to separate my physical& literal self and run towards things that I have stored inside me, all of the stuff the I carry along with me whenever I’m out in public, that I know I can’t share w/ any nigga that I know out there instead I try to avert my eyes from all other dudes out there cuz I know I don’t fit in and feel physically gross when I’m around w/ a bunch of dudes, me failing to be a man in general and avoid man-to-man convos irl and instead retreating those inner stuff into the girl that I want to be, the kind of girl where I know I can apply all the totality of myself out there into the world.

Now I’m just staring at this public persona that I have made of myself feeling increasingly distant day-to-day and I wonder why I put all my all into this blog w/ gifs,pics,anime stuff, film stuff, music stuff etc. when I can’t muster up the courage to talk about all that shit outside out aloud without having to be disgusted from hearing the sound of my voice or/and how the person/s I’m saying it to is even viewing me physically & as a person/“grown up man” having the courage to go out and transition to the girl that I can see in the distance.

The one rule I had when making this blog was to never spill out my personal shit of actually being a man irl who’s found solace and significant more ease in being a woman online cuz I know that if I ever did that it would be embarrassing & the end for me personally, I wouldn't be able to look myself in the eye, all the shit that I had posted on here it all being a lie to me, and worse of all I never really took in any support from anyone else here I had this lone wolf-esque mentality where I always try and not get close to anybody I was mutuals w/, never share anything abt my personal shit, always looking through the window seeing other ppl chill with others, and when I look at myself on here I’m feel still as alone as I do irl & tbh much of it is my fault from not being able to put myself out there and feeling disassociated from myself in whatever I do on here and irl

[necromox]

I’ve been in your omegaverse spreadsheet and would happily hear all your thoughts how you came up with everyone’s designations, especially re the Elite. Please ramble at me *chin hands* 😊

OOOOH!!!!!

So I didn't really have like. A Method™ going into it; I just felt it out via Vibes, if that makes sense. I had some things I knew I wanted to do in general (mostly trans, nonbinary, and intersex designations, as well as more beta characters) but there weren't a whole lot I was super set on before thinking about it.

Wrt the Elite (I'm including Adam and Kota in this), I knew IMMEDIATELY that Matt was an omega bc Look At Him. My best friend Will ( @clairvoyant-weapons ) and I were talking about omega/alpha Kenny being intersex and that's what spawned me making the whole spreadsheet! Nick has massive "Weird Beta who Hates designations" vibes to me bc he's just Like That, and he's also absolutely the type to queer designations and gender boundaries bc they Don't Matter. Kota being an alpha and all of his characterization also came from my convos with Will! Adam originally started out as a standard alpha until I thought more about it and realized it'd be fun if he was on omega hormones while still IDing as an alpha.

My main focused w the spreadsheet were the BCC bc that's my primary focus wrt wrestling and specifically my writing, so that's what the most thought went into. I love the idea of BCC being all a4a and insane about each other. Beta pack leader Bryan is something that can be so special to me. Mox being intersex is like. Really important to me as an intersex author myself and I wanted to write an Actually Intersex omegaverse character as opposed to the trope's usual """intersex""" representation (aka bigenital fetishization). I NEEDED to make Yuta an alpha bc he just. Does not give off omega vibes to me. He's an alpha who occupies a submissive position within the pack!!! AAAAHHH!!!!!

My favorite designation on the spreadsheet is actually Orange bc I think it's just so funny if his designation was Nope. He's an intersex beta with no heats, no ruts, virtually no smell, etc. he exists outside of the system bc he simply Does Not Care.

Feel free to come back with specific questions! I love rambling about this shit so much!

[percivaljacksons]

Percy ep 3 spoilers below!!

fascinating to change so much to … basically end up at the same place? but enjoyed the nuance of Medusa until they threw it out the window

wish we FELT any of the danger of Zeus instead of just being told abt it! give me some thunder crashes darn it!

Grover is my son and I love him. I also love how they’re mentioning how he’s Annabeth’s friend too lol

Also very interesting that they had to rework why percy chooses Grover/annabeth as his quest mates because of the changes they made in ep 1-2 (basically luke showing him around instead of Annabeth, Grover’s ‘betrayal’ etc).

also very strange we’ve gotten no mention of Luke’s quest??? why are they holding onto that???

Annabeth’s moment w thalias tree :(. baby.

Wish we had like …. any moment of seeing Annabeth and Luke interact besides that brief capture the flag convo. again w the telling and not showing

do not want to talk about Gabe as the oracle. no idea what the fuck they’re doing with that and im trying so hard to reserve judgment.

they’re setting up Percy’s anger in such a major way that I find personally very slay.

Grover’s song was funny and iconic. But it’s not Hilary duffs so yesterday performed via reed pipe.

[just-a-carrot]

I just found the close-ups of the pictures you used as each character's contact photo in OC and spotted Cecil in Gidget's!

idk if you had any thoughts about how him being a Real Person would look but I got hit with a scenario where he and Gidget met/became friends in college or smth and Gidget has their gender crisis years ahead of schedule bc he ends up cracking their egg by complete accident via giving them gender envy (and doesn't even realize he had anything to do w/ it until they tell him lmao)

All that aside, I've been really loving Our Cinderella as well :] I finished Genzou's route and was laughing almost the whole time. tbh you could publish just like an hour of these goofs texting and I'd love every second, the way they all bounce off each other is so much fun to read!

SOB I'M GLAD YOU NOTICED???

yes that is indeed him hahahaha

i have a couple of various ideas for how cecil would work/exist in the real world of OC and tbh what you wrote is quite similar to what i had imagined. in my head for OC, gidget was already in high school figuring themself out a lot more, particularly as they had more support from their friends, which would have given them more confidence when going back against their mother. and then in college was when they really blossomed and met a bunch of other queer people and participated in a lot of organizations, etc., and this would have been when they met cecil and became fast friends. that's mostly the general idea i have for them though there's a lot of details lacking and it's not 100% in stone lkajfasd

BWUHHHH I'M REALLY HAPPY THAT YOU'RE ENJOYING OUR CINDERELLA SOB. i had so much fun writing the silly text convos in all their ridiculousness lkadjfads so i'm really glad people are enjoying them in general ahhhh and also all the little refs and scenes

thank you so much for this lovely message hhhhhh i shall weep 😭💕

[knownbyanothername]

liveblog (Currently liveblogging ultrakill!)

Freakazoid! Blog

writing blog (mostly for original characters)

playlist blog

nsfw blog

(generally i try to stay sfw here due to my writing also being geared towards minors but like occasionally i may rb something a lil 'suggestive' bc i don't want to be disrespectful by rbing it to my nsfw blog-- if anything ever toes a line please do tell me!! it's sincerely not my intent to be Weird)

tags r #pichu barks (personal), #pichu writing (well, writing, but more rbed from different blogs now), & #pichu snarl (for if i think a post has gone into vent territory)

I try to tag things as follows:

#I live here for stuff I'm into, #I don't even go here for stuff I'm not but think is Neat, #the funnies section for shitposts, #The fridge for pieces of art i like of all sorts, #picture frame for any neat aesthetic posts I like. #Bebes will be for any cute animal stuff. #a quarter in the jukebox is for tunes. #for the funniest clown and #angelic pss pss pss for two very special people in my life :), #rats nest is for stuff that reminds me of Me :-). #mutual my friend is for stuff i rb from mutuals (i try to tag this when i can!! sometimes i forget who my mutuals are). #feels goods is for, well, feel good posts-- stuff that makes you feel all nice looking at it. :) #wisdom is for posts i just think are really good advice/words. #add to the library is for texts/written works i like. #designed delicately is for designs i like a lot. #i like your words is for good analyses. #database updated is for nice facts! #author notes is for writing info since I'm writer and want tabs on all that. #for future reference is for refs in general. #resipes is for any recipes i wanna find again. #activities section is for any games/interactive stuff I think is Neat. Will add more as needed. also old posts on my blog/posts i've queued won't be tagged but after a certain point they should be tagged. sometimes i still won't tag things bc it's a Feeling yk.

Otherwise, feel free to ask me to tag other stuff-- I can't keep up w other people's tagging systems if I don't know them well enough.

General abt is i'm a lesbian who uses any pronouns, leaning towards he/him. Generally inclusionist.

Trying to get myself out there to socialize more-- granted most of all I'd prefer a discord server I could vibe in so if you wanna possibly invite me to one i'd be open to it (obviously healthily cautious), or if you wanna start a convo we can see if we hit it off-- apologies though if it falls off at all, sometimes people don't vibe.

Not about to give out my discord willy-nilly but if you DM me and you seem chill i'll give it out-- and probably like, make a discord server if anyone/enough people ask me for it. That's like, the happy medium to me of like, making a random discord server and just putting it out there all willy nilly nally.

i will also state in advance i am a tad more careful around minors due to having so many experiences where adults have disregarded their safety, but if we cross paths we cross paths.

Current projects:

(Note: most of my writing projects I'm planning on making enjoyable via their own merits-- so if you don't know the source material, if you'd like to check out my writing regardless, you can read them regardless! )

[odrseasonone]

DMITREI MASSARD / ALYMAR MERIET

I look at you and all I see is a dead man.

THE BASICS: 

Character’s name: Dmitrei Massard (Born: Alymar Meriet)

Physical description: Aidan Gillen

Age: 42

MBTI: INTJ - The Architect

PLOT POINTS:

1.01: Introduced via council scenes

1.03: Council gossips about Alex and DMITREI or CASSIUS reply that he isn’t going to raimbeaucourt to rule, he’s going there to die - and ALEXANDIR knows it. Highlight ALARIC vs DMITREI anti-parallels subplot throughout (ex. both are excellent lords, but ALARIC clearly cares and knows everyone personally whereas DMITREI does not, etc)

1.05: Advises Avelina against becoming a sorceress

2.02: Jon is murdered

2.03: We learn the truth about #teambeaumont

3.02: Dmitrei orders Vincent to befriend dragon riders and Dmitrei reveals to Rowena where the Degreys are

3.03: DMITREI presents himself as a friend to the S RESISTANCE (and never reveals his connection to VINCENT)

3.04: DMITREI leaves #teambeaumont in favor of ROWENA

3.05: #BRITTAdead - after all, she knows both DMITREI and ALYMAR…and recognizes the difference when she arrives in the east

3.06: DMITREI tells ROWENA of LYNESSA’s betrayal just before she annihilates the south, so she goes east instead. DMITREI takes credit for saving the south w the S RESISTANCE

3.08: LYNESSA is put to death. as the executioner raises his axe/sword to behead LYNESSA, we cut to DMITREI - at the moment her head comes off, he smirks - end of scene/ep?

4.04: ROWENA has DMITREI “leak” info to lead THE RESISTANCE into a trap

additional plots:

DMITREI fineds out about CELIA and EVIE before the escape is through - and does nothing to stop them

I think Dmitrei will also plan for Cordelia to overhear some convo between Arthur and Avelina where she accuses Arthur of murdering his parents and so Cordelia will have that going on and be even more likely to listen to Dmitrei who may even go out west with her to give her council (aka rule in the west)

dmitrei becomes warden of the east after arthur

dmitrei - disappears ‘who is alymar now?’

TRAJECTORY:

Overall Arc: The Fly on the Wall to the Man with a Plan to the Nameless Man Becoming Nameless Again

Season 1 Arc (Step 1 of 4): Season 1 Dmitrei is largely undeveloped, purposefully. He seems the most rational of Rowena's advisors (Alex aside) and he does seem to advise Avelina ... but lord knows girl needs it

Season 2 Arc (Step 2 of 4): Dmitrei's biggest plan yet has gone into action and it is revealed that he was the mastermind behind the wedding/most of teambeaumont's plans

Season 3 Arc (Step 3 of 4): Not only is Dmitrei a schemer and a murderer, he's a disloyal one, too. Dmtirei proves he's willing to shift his loyalties (and his plans) to whatever best currently suits his needs

Season 4 Arc (Step 4 of 4): Ultimately Dmitrei saddles himself to the wrong horse and Rowena and Dezod are both defeated. Dmitrei lives to die another day, but in a weird way, he's pleased b/c he wasn't betting on the resistance pulling this off and he does like being surprised (it doesn't happen often); Dmitrei survives (or does he?) and no one quite knows what becomes of him

ENGINE OF CHANGE:

Internal goal/desire: To Be King (not because he wants that job, but in this world where everyone is playing the game of thrones, he wants to throw his hat in the ring and see how far he can climb! It's not the destination for him, it is the journey)

Why can’t they get it? At the start of this journey, he is the son of a disgraced lord who betrayed his country and lost his title and lands, leaving dmitrei with nOTHING and he couldn't have been farther from his goal. When he meet him, he's made progress and now sits the Queen's own council, but he's still a far cry away from being king, himself.

What are they afraid of: Failure! Dmitrei is honestly not afraid of much, but failure is the closest thing. I think he would hate to discover he's not as smart as he thinks he is? But at the same time, if he had just been played all along, there would be some kind of satisfaction in that for him, too?? Like I think he lowkey has been wanting to find his match in this world and the greatest joy would be to outsmart them, but second to that, it would almost be to be outsmarted himself??? idk he's a weird guy!! He doesn't fear death; he doesn't fear pain; he doesn't fear loss (even for those few people he has some resemblance of affection left click clacking around in what I guess would be his heart!)

How character views the world: A chess board!!! He views everything he (and everyone else) does as a strategic move tbh

How character views self: He's definitely arrogant when it comes to himself -- he's smart, efficient, charming, and knows exactly when it benefits him to speak and when to listen.

INTERNAL: THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT YOUR CHARACTER

Inner motivation: Proving himself!!! HE knows that he's the greatest, but no one in Aragoth knows this (yet) and one day he will have his story told

Kryptonite: his literal name!!! and tbh, he knows it!! It has always been a liability, since he literally stole it from a dead man easily three times his age, and sooner or later, there may come a day when someone from the south finds out who he is and just might expose him!!! Taking Dmitrei's name meant he got his job/connections, but there was also great risk involved in it, too. The longer this goes unchallenged, the less worrisome it is, but it has been one of the riskier choices Dmitrei has made. And while he does pride himself on being exacting in all of his decision making, to avoid such pitfalls, there is something exciting about being a little dangerous and just seeing how much he can get away with? Sometimes, being smarter than everyone else gets so boring, you have to help the idiots out a little, just to make it fair, y'know?

What is his/her misbelief about life (to be challenged ~this season)? His greatest misbelief about life is probably the idea that he doesn't need anyone and doesn't care what happens, as long as it is part of his grand plan? I think the only thing that really starts to challenge this, is seeing James again and there is that flicker the friendship that once was?? As well as his developing relationship w/ Lynessa, because I do think he does enjoy, for a time, having a partner in crime that he actually respects on some level??? Ultimately, however, none of this ends up mattering to him and he would sell either of them to the devil for (1) corn chip

Lesson he/she needs to learn (this season): #teambeaumont is too crazy to be helpful, even with his ~guidance~

What is the best thing in his/her life? Sometimes Lynessa Beaumont; sometimes the memories of his friendship with Harrion, but ultimately the best thing is outplaying, outlasting, and outwitting every single person he's ever met!!

What is the worst thing in his/her life? Dealing with Avelina Beaumont on the daily lbr

What does she/he most often look down on people for?

What makes his/her heart feel alive? That single moment when it all comes together!! Dmitrei is a plotter, a schemer, a master of manipulation and while he accounts for many different factors and has lots of different back up plans, even he cannot take credit for the workings of the entire universe and every plan he makes, he knows that there is always a risk of failure -- of it not going exactly to plan. And while I do think he thrives under pressure and he enjoys the challenge of rearranging and plotting in the moment, there's nothing quite so satisfying as some great complex plan, panning out exactly as he foresaw.

What makes him/her feel loved, and who was the last person to make them feel that way? Dmitrei doesn't often feel loved, nor is that an emotion he often craves. His relationship with Lynessa Beaumont, which is certainly the closest thing to romantic love he's ever experienced, isn't exactly love. It's a relationship built upon lust, but also a strange sort of respect for her abilities of manipulation/deception and scheming -- but ultimately he'd rather defeat her than possess her???? I feel like the last time he felt genuine real love and returned it, was honestly when he was a kid ngl that relationship he had with harrion at that time in their lives was the purest sense of love he's ever felt!!!!!!

Top three things he/she values most in life?  His accomplishments!!!! (His literal pride and joy in his life is the fact that he was able to reconstruct himself from the ashes of another man tbh and rise to such a position in life)

[psywife]

Manifestation Successes/Update Pt 2

Okay so like I said I had a long kind of dangerous drive I had to make and had to do it by a certain time and was manifesting that he would accompany me. He had mentioned it once but then not again as we had phonecalls but in the meantime I was learing SatS and scripting and using them voraciously.

Kind of too voraciously bc this was at a point where I didn’t know what was actually meant by using intensity to manifest nor did  I know how manifesting ‘to get something’ and reacting to the 3D would mess up your manifestation.

After a couple weeks and some more frustration at the ‘lack’ of result and some more flaky behavior on my SPs part I was tired of spiraling and bought two SP coaching /manifesation packets (a book and a session) from hes-already-yours and iamthatwhich on IG and they helped SO MUCH.

So as the month comes to a close I’m practicing and doing affirmations the whole deal and when ppl ask me about my drive (they know my SP as we are friends and the drive is to by where he was living) I told them he said he‘d go with me.

Fast forward to the day of the drive, I was holding out that it could still happen but in the 3D it didn’t. I was in the car and decided not to care. Mentally I visualized that he was there with me and just kept on, not being disappointed or bothered.

During the drive something happend and I realized I had made a legal mistake and would have to make a portion of the drive again and while I can’t give more details lets just say things got potentially legally and physically risky for me. So from that point on, he starts tracking my location, helping me with directions and being with me on the drive just not physically. I get to his place and he tells me he had been thinking the entire last month about flying to where I was and driving with me (when you affirm they think what you think! but I was going back and forth about believing he would do it so he didn’t make the decision in time) and then he says he‘ll go with me to take care of the legal issue so I have to re-do the drive and this time he is with me in the physical just like I visualized!!!

This was SO crazy to me, it happened even after it seemed like it would be ‘too late‘ in fact it feels like the legal issue manifested because by the time I left, I was 100% living in the end that it had happened even if it was after the fact. I revised it as it happened, and the whole timeline and circumstances altered to make it true!

Now, remember that 3P?

So before I even came he told me via a convo that he wasn’t seeing her anymore and in fact she ended up turning into a crazy stalker who really scared him with how far she went and the things she did, which I wont’ repeat, but she literally became a threat to his life in many ways.

I’ll just say it like I’ve seen other coaches say it: if there’s a 3p ignore them completely, live in your end and you won’t believe the ways they will turn into the most undesirable repulsive person to your SP! As you learn your lesson of confidence and self love the presence of the 3P made you aware of, their manifestation will turn into an absolute monster that eventually sends your SP into your arms!!

Don’t have clingy obsessive thoughts or dejected thoughts about your SP bc the 3P literally manifests from them and starts pursuing, clinging to, attracting etc your SP. But once you are solid in your end they lose all their power and reality will do anything required to conform to you and your SP loving each other!

So this really gave me a sign and I started really sticking with the law and learning and practicing it. As I’ve posted about  at this point I was living with my SP and a few times also vsited w his family. When I was with his family I would mentally affirm that they were my in laws :) When I first arrived at  his place he said I could stay for a month or so until I found a place, but I knew that was old him talking. After that he asked me to stay another month to ‘help watch the house‘ then after that he invited me to stay a month  more and I said I’d find a place the next month. After that he said I could stay more and by the time I felt like leaving (I love his place but I preferred another city further away-- wait for it) he was sheepishly telling me I didn’t have to go yet if I wasn’t ready. LOL!

There‘s more but this is getting ong again so I’ll come back later w part 3

[letitrainathousandflames]

Wait. How many levels of friendship do you have? And how does one become friends?

Aight sit down bc I have hyperfocus mode on and my leg is bouncing quicker than the speed of light. I have 5 levels of friendship:

1 ) awkward i-don't-know-how-comfortable i can be w/ you yet and i'm also adhd so i will forget to reply your messages sometimes and worry abt you thinking i hate you

2) i know a bit abt you and you know a bit about me. We exchange memes and wait to get a keysmash laugh reply. After a while, we get either one of us reblogging the meme the other sent, or we simply Know they were seen and are thus no longer plagued by the worries of level 1

3) We start having recurring themes/jokes in our convos. This is the best part bc I then know what to talk or ask about to get u going "oh! topic i enjoy!"; also, i know now your interests/hyperfixations/area of expertise and therefore you become my source of knowledge in this particular area so that a) I can learn from a friend and b) you get to infodump all that fun stuff no one ever asks you about.

(shoutout to my marine biologist buddy who knows everything about those underwater critters, the friend w/ animals who explains animal husbandry and the dnd pal who knows what all these dice do, love y'all <3)

4) We don't talk often, but we know timezones/work/studying is a bitch so we Get It. Starting convos is easy bc we know enough abt each other and are protected from most of the mortifying ordeal of being known by the computer screen and physical distance, which is also a curse bc goddamn, you must be fun to hang out with but there u are, in a whole other continent.

We frequently plague each other with cursed content. I might have 28% of a crush on you bc you know me better than most people IRL do. If we have mutual blorbos, we spend hours coming up w/ fic/scenarios for them, which feels as whimsical and lighthearted as playing dolls in a playground with a friend you just met but also feels like has been your soul companion since your previous lifetime. it's day for me when its night for you so the only thing we're granted is a sliver of time in which we squeeze the most meaningful glance via a discord stream of me playing some shooter game.

One day you might leave Tumblr or just shift into a different friend group or discord server, and I'll have a chunk of knowledge about you and nothing to do with it, and so will you. It was real. I hope we meet again. If we don't, I hope you find your happiness somewhere.

5) All that but you actually survived the test of time and the shift of interests and we remain friends bc we are actually connected to each other's personalities and tastes and we make the effort to keep the friendship going, even if I now talk of a fandom you're not a part of, and you got married and had a kid and now doesn't have as much time but you still find a way to send the occasional message or drop in for a chat. We've seen each other's actual faces on video. I tell you my top-secret stories and you tell me yours. I constantly refer to you in convos w/ ppl IRL like "oh, my friend from [country]" said- to the point where they already have their own idea of you too. I love u and you know it.

[dalavidaalaropa]

My BFF (best food friend/ex prep chef) and I talked and walked almost every other day until we moved.. then she got a job and I lost my prospective house and it's just been us kind of panting at each other via dm for 2 weeks...

( Last night her car got towed and my brother was accused of stealing and she was gonna break up w her bf and my step grandmother called me a little shit asshole and said I had a bad mom and then she wasn't gonna break up and I got told we're gonna have an adult conversation about our life plans)

I feel like we are gonna meet up and need a hotel to stay in that's how long these convos are going to be

[m1ckeyb3rry]

LMAOO per your post abt tiktok I had no idea that was a thing but I’ve never seen any acc that would be you come up as a suggested account (I rarely get them anyways but when I do it’s usually like some acquaintance of sorts) so from my end youre safe o7

PLEASSEEEE “is it home wrecking if the homes already wrecked” GOODBYE

Niko having to put up with aikus shenanigans is so funny he’s taking one for the team

REAL miraverse reo>>> peregrine getting revamped into “reo is friendless” LOL

UAHAHAHA NO DW YOURE GOOD!! I have not once seen an acc that resembles anything close to what I would imagine to be you (??) no Miras or any accounts with names similar to Mira either I just see the original tiktok and whoever posted it like usual YOURE SAFE but AWEESJHS IM HONORED LMAO but there’s definitely nothing immediate that shows indicating you sent it or anything so I think you should be all good!! Even after looking through all the links you’ve shown in our convo too I’ve never had anything pop up and I doom scroll there soooo Also lowk I can’t remember how many you’ve linked outside of our convo but tbh idk how many people are reading through like the 100k words worth of convo we have so for the TikTok’s you’ve shown me you’re also probably fine

LMAOO I think I need to go recalibrate my fyp and get some yona on there omg

OAEU TIME LETS GOOOO but FR im sure inspo will strike for the req soon! Maybe you��ll get ideas while you’re writing oaeu LOL

LMAOOOO FRR THEYRE SO FUNNY I think its esp funny to think abt bc bllk is canonically live-streamed so imagine in their free time egos like “ok so bc that money grabbing tanuki needs more money yall gotta be streamers and gamers now get on YouTube”

NO FRRR I LAUGHED SO HARD I was trying to figure out wtf that was in zantetsus aura the fucking bullet train has me crying Nagi looking gorgeous and I always appreciate those villainous Karasu panels!!

- Karasu anon

OKAY YAYYY it’s only happened a couple of times for me with people on tumblr like once an anon sent a vid to me and i got the “___ shared a video with you” so i guess they might have seen me?? and just earlier i sent a video to one of my mutuals in an ask and i got a notification saying “___ viewed the video you sent” so they also might have seen my acct which ugh but at least it’s only two people 😰

LMAOO karasu is just helping natural processes along he’s not actually doing anything problematic 😩 the relationship already sucked it’s not like he’s being a bad person (not that aiku cares he’s just excited to pass along his wisdom because nobody but niko even listens to him and niko has 0 interest in getting girls so he’s alone on that front until karasu comes up to him) okay i think the aiku and niko dynamic in the oaeu might kind of be like miraverse tabiori?? like goofy siblings/slight father son vibes…i think it’s what makes the most sense for them HAHAH

half of the high school era in peregrine is just reo being like pleaseee be my friend pleaseeee like in the next chapter which i haven’t finished yet it’s revealed that reo is straight up trying to buy reader’s friendship LMAOAOA he does eventually win her over obviously but it’s not via monetary means 😭 but fr ironically (considering how she doesn’t want to be close to reo because her parents want her to marry him) reo is like the longest consistent relationship reader has in her entire life FJSKDJSH they’re like lowkey also soulmates…the funniest thing is if reader’s parents hadn’t pushed her to marry him to the point that she despised the idea they actually might’ve gotten together 😓 self sabotage on the l/n parents’ part at its finest

HELP OKAY GOOD my irl name is not actually mira but it’s uncommon enough that i wanted to come up w a pseudonym for online in case anyone i know irl found this acct…it’s pretty similar to mira so if it had come up you def would’ve been like “oh yeah this is her” JDFJSJ so that’s good 🙂‍↕️ and OFCCC i’ve become insta friends w a couple of my mutuals from tumblr once i’ve known them for a while 🤩 my rule is if we’ve been talking for enough that i feel like we would be friends irl you can get the irl socials HAHA…also very true…i think outside of our convos i posted that snuffy edit once?? and then the aforementioned tt that i sent to my mutual but otherwise yeah i don’t link too many if it’s not just between us

HAHA if you ever need shinah edits let me know i probably have every single one saved i will happily send my favs (i also have some of the other characters but shinah def has the most because…well it’s SHINAH)

i’ve been like lying on my couch all day doing nothing so no writing done unfortunately but trust i will be back at it and something should be out reasonably soon!! whether it’s a req or oaeu i cannot say but something for sure 🤩

LMAOO the bllkers (except reo because he’s rich 🤑) have to pick up side gigs in order to fund the project…barou starts a cleaning service…yuki and chigiri get into modeling…nagi becomes a streamer but people only follow because he’s hot so he has to do insane fan service in every stream…hiori starts a reaction video youtube channel and gets rin to guest star and they go mega viral because rin consistently says out of pocket bs plus they’re both pretty (rin accidentally gets sae cancelled for a week by saying smth crazy before revealing he’s related to sae)…otoya convinces karasu to become a scammer/find sugar mommies with him…it would be insane LMAOAOAO

I WAS SO CONFUSED AT FIRST AND THEN I WAS LIKE OMFG IT’S A TRAIN!! ig it fits w his backstory where he learned he was fast because he always missed the train???? LMAOAO honestly he’s such an unreal character i love him 😭 and yesss epinagi nagi is always STUNNING but they rlly put the focus on karasu and kiyora this time around like kiyora looked ADORABLE this chapter and karasu looks like a genuine villain but in a fine way 🤩 i can’t help but admit that idgaf abt himizu though like i kinda find him weird (the whole tongue thing is just. uh??? interesting??) and i’m worried abt what he’s foreshadowing w chigiri 😰

[joshuadiazzz]

life update, where i've been, thoughts ⋆｡°✩

hey!!!! it's me again. you probably have been wondering what i have been doing the past couple of months (and if u haven't, why haven't you? jk jk jk). well...

as many of you know, i dropped my EP/project that embodied where i have been the past couple of years while in college. this being the 7-song project, 'figuring it out'. you probably saw a brand new post every single day (regarding the project) leading up to it's release. however, when release day came, i really didn't know what the fuck to do up until that point. i want to be transparent with you. i was completely clueless. having to promote my projects that i've worked hard on gives me the ick because i feel cringy doing it and genuinely don't want to bombard anyone with the same songs over n over n over again. i feel like I'm selling out (which is the whole point... u have to). i know you have to do it to gain exposure n all but its a skill i wished i possessed and want to possess. wanna know what i did instead AS SOON as 'figuring it out' came out? i went hermit mode. i stayed off social media for over A MONTH after it's release. i suppose my thoughts that i have when i overthink got the best of me since this project was one my manager (i still feel so cool saying that) and i spent months planning but i allowed fear and non-existent defeat take over. most of all, i hate letting people down. i hate letting myself down. wow. i needed to get that off my chest BADLY! regardless, i don't want to let go of 'figuring it out' just yet. after all, i barely started. ;)

the next thing i want to touch upon was how this past school year was incredibly draining. while during my 1 month hiatus (now everyone say it with me... OOOOOOH) i did a lot of reflecting on how i handled and reacted to a specific situation that really made me...question a LOT. most importantly, to make a long story short, i wish i had set boundaries w/ people and was able to speak up for myself and said "hey, i didn't appreciate how you handled this". however another side of me says, "why the fuck would you give them more of your time and energy in forming an explanation w/ how you felt if they didn't care about your feelings in the first place?" what pissed me off the most was how to this one individual, I felt as if they wanted to use me for the creative skills (which i have been working hard on for the past several years via learning experiences, mistakes, accomplishments) i possess. and what sucks the most was that i wanted to see them as a friend but their true intentions got in the way. i don't know. its weird. my whole mentality going into my 3rd year of college was to befriend more people, socialize more and get out of my self-confinement bubble. most importantly, this was also a promise i had set to my friend Val who was my right hand during the first two years of college. oh how i wish she wouldve stayed longer to join me in this little popstar journey of mine... anyways going back to my convo. so once my initial game plan for myself got bursted, my whole demeanor changed. this experience led to me isolating myself and immediately turning cold from people that genuinely wanted to be around me. if you were one of these people, i'm sorry. it wasn't my intention. i felt pushed aside so brought it upon myself to purposefully exclude myself to the MAX. I’ve spoken to several of my friends, my dad and a professor (who i miss dearly) have all reassured me that just because one person ruined my perception, doesn’t mean it has to completely affect everything i do. I shouldn’t and shouldn’t have given any of my precious time or energy to someone or something not worth it, AT ALL.

another point I want to bring up to get off my chest on this journal entry is that of jealousy. it’s a normal feeling. we all feel it. to all my creatives out there, you all relate (don’t lie). you see a friend or a mutual on your feed accomplishing something you wish you would have done. you see someone on the path you wish you were embarking on. you see someone making the precises steps to something you had been planning for MONTHS or even YEARS but because you overthink a lot and don’t set deadlines for yourself, they are now 3 steps ahead of you. the feeling of jealousy and how I approach it is something I am currently working on. I’m learning to accept the feeling of it. Allowing myself to feel it but not dwell on it. I have experienced a great sense of jealousy when I first came to art school because my peers and I all have the same goals for ourselves. I was speaking to my dad earlier about how I’ve been feeling and while yes, he did scold me during the car ride home but he assured me how, ‘the sun shines for everyone’. just because there is someone doing the exact same thing as you, doesn’t mean that you can’t do it as well (in your own way, of course) it’s all about believing in yourself. I’m on that path of believing that I can and I will accomplish everything I set my mind to. Wow… Vulnerability is hard. But it’s okay. I know someone out there probably needs to hear this too.

Okay onto the positive stuff, I recently went out w/ Nicole to the mall (it was one of those ‘wherever the wind takes us’ kind of hang outs… personally my favorite). We got to see Maya at her job which is so cool. We love a girlboss. I also went to Kacie’s place and cooked spaghetti for her (because she was lending me her place and I owed her a hang out for the LONGEST TIME). also cooking is one of my love languages and one my favorite things to do. i love my friends. i enjoy their presence. their laughter. just them being there is enough for me.

Also here’s an outtake of me during the Wynk 4/20 photoshoot that was shot by the lovely Ambercita 🎀✨ (that’s if you stayed this long and read this ‘journal entry’)

okay i love u. see you soon. st✮y tuned. take care. wear sunscreen. hydrate. stay hot, smart, sexy and talented.

love u tons

-josh

⋆.˚𖦹⋆✮⋆.˚

[ear-worthy]

Forget The Best Read: Do A Beach Listen With These Wondery Shows

 For those not intimately familiar with the podcast industry, Wondery is an American podcast network and publisher of podcasts including Dirty John, Dr. Death, and The Shrink Next Door. Wondery was founded in 2016 by entrepreneur and media executive Hernán Lopez. The company was launched with backing from 20th Century Fox (now 20th Century Studios). In late 2020, it was announced that Wondery had been purchased by Amazon Music. The acquisition enabled Amazon to establish a beachhead in podcasting. Amazon does produce podcasts via its audiobook company, Audible, but many of those are for subscribers only.

My favorite Wondery podcasts are Business Wars with David Brown, American History Tellers with Lindsay Graham (not the douchey politician), American Innovations with Steven Johnson, and History Chicks with Beckett Graham and Susan Vollenweider. 

 Wondery has two premium subscription options, Wondery+ and Wondery+ Kids for those who either have money to burn, hate ads that much, or enjoy getting stuff before others. Anyway, Wondery does have some podcasts that are ear worthy, especially for a summer beach listen instead of a beach read. Whether you’re cooped up in a car, plane, or train to reach the ultimate summer vacay spot, showing off your Ozempic body at the pool, or you’re simply trying to avoid your family at a summer BBQ, Wondery has listeners covered with several podcasts that will make the time go by faster than the amount of time summer seems to last. Here are some recommended listens: Lemme Say This (NEW)

New episodes weekly with more pop culture gossip + guests For those of us who are chronically online and need all the entertainment gossip/news, this is for you! Hosted by journalists and real-life best friends, Peyton Dix and Hunter Harris (Hung Up Substack), the weekly convo series is basically a glorified group chat. Each episode focuses on a few recent pop culture moments with a guest and offers highly entertaining opinions on each – for instance, the summer of Charli XCX vs. Sabrina Carpenter, Selena Gomez’s naked feet boyfriend, and who takes the crown for Hollywood’s most divorced man. Watch episodes on YouTube

Happily Never After: Dan and Nancy (NEW) New episodes premiering weekly until July 1 The real life story of how to murder your husband! This true crime/dark comedy show surrounds romantic suspense writer, Nancy Brophy, whose written horrific fictions start bleeding into her real life when her husband is found murdered at work. Fellow romance novelist and former true crime reporter Heidi Joy Tretheway, who was a member of Nancy’s writing club in Portland, OR, hosts the series, bringing her first-hand knowledge and insights to the unbelievable twisted tale

This is Keke Palmer (NEW)

 New episodes weekly  Baby, Keke is back! Keke Palmer has questions for days, about everything under the sun, and each episode is a journey down the rabbit hole on a topic that she cannot stop obsessing over. She’ll also get deep with special guests, trying to answer the questions that keep us up at night. We are getting INTO IT. Season two guests include Amy Poehler, Vivica A. Fox, Kel Mitchell, Skilla Baby, JT, Giovonnie Samuels & Bryan Hearne (from “Quiet on Set”), and more.  ● BONUS! Need summer accessories, clothing, or other lifestyle items? Check out Keke’s new apparel line, "Keke Says." Blame it on the Fame: Milli Vanilli

This podcast details the rise to fame and swift downfall of Rob Pilatus and Fab Morvan, the infamous R&B duo known as Milli Vanilli who were taken under the wing of German producer Frank Farian, and quickly discovered – the hard way – the difference between star power and real power. Comedian and actress Amanda Seales (“Insecure,” “The Real”) hosts the series.

The Competition

  The world of pageantry is going through a major reckoning, and journalist/podcaster Shima Oliaee (formerly NPR and “Dolly Parton’s America”) is here to explain what value (or lack thereof) they provide for young girls. When Shima was 17, she competed in the long-running (since 1958) Distinguished Young Women (DYM) contest against 49 other high school senior girls for the big prize – a scholarship – and lost. With the 2024 contest taking place this June in Alabama, Shima takes listeners behind the scenes of this wild contest, following seven contestants to show us what it’s like to be a teen girl in America today.

The Last City

 Not traveling anywhere this summer? How about venturing to the futuristic, utopian land of Pura? This two-part, immersive, cli-fi narrative drama weaves together elements of the climate crisis, its subsequent mental health consequences, and complicated feelings about our shared future, as it explores the brewing mystery beneath Pura’s perfect exterior, while ultimately sharing an inspiring message about the power of humanity to create positive change. Cast members include Rhea Seahorn (“Better Call Saul”), Maury Sterling (“Homeland”), Jeannie Tirado (“Fairy Tale Zero”), Skye Lourie (“The Pillars of the Earth”), and Celia Rose (“Star Trek: Strange New Worlds”). 

Check out these Wondery podcasts based on your individual tastes.  I'm not much for celebrity podcasts, but Keke Palmer is an exception to my own rule. And how the hell did Milli Vanilli fool so many people? Finally, given the recent throne abdications in several key beauty pageants, it's time to reassess the value they bring to society and to the participants.

[violetlearnschinese]

today is 6/30/2024 i just wanna write up a log of the things that i've tried so far i guess

i feel like my chinese learning journey is kinda interesting bc . i'm more addicted to trying to innovate/revolutionize/optimize how to learn chinese more than actually learning chinese . and sure some of that could be attributed to instant gratification or wtvr, but also i am also rly addicted to trying to solve physics-esque/mathy problems and that's just what my brain is inclined towards doing, like if it recognizes smth as mathy and nonoptimal then it'll compulsively search for a solution lol . usually this activity doesnt actually turn out to be super productive (and a lot of the time it can seem like im just Wildly Overcomplicating things, and there's definitely an argument for that, yes) but i believe it's at least Somewhattt useful + at least i enjoy the rush (sometimes) + maybe one day ill finally get some Good idea and then ill make millions !!! or maybe that is just what i tell myself to cope . Lmao . anyway.

chinese course at brown

hellochinese

made the whole diagram thing (i was so anal abt this (and esp its application to music) and eventually changed opinion to yeah sure it was correct but not a good way to approach learning bc kids arent just magical sponges but instead the reason that they learn quickly is bc 24/7 private tutor (their mother) + fast iteration)

anki spoonfed chinese too hard

may 23 night - may 24 day

call w regan, she inspired me to just go thru my chinese textbook bc she made me think damn maybe i should just try being normal for once

went thru half of chinese textbook

felt like i wasnt rly learning well past lesson 5 (and lessons 1-5 were mostly review anyway)

may 24-25 ish

found lazychinese.com comprehensible input

found other CI people existed

searched through a Lot, couldnt find much at my level, either way too easy for total beginner or too hard nothing to grasp onto or just no variety of sentence structures

may 25 night

salena sent me the gay guy i could sorta understand him, like i could latch on to smth

coded the thing

went over the video w transcript for a day or two

may 26 day

saw the baby in pool

may 26 night

watched n followed funny easy chinese ig/tiktok accts

may 26/27

tried peppa pig / cartoons / stories on yt / etc, still too hard

may27

up until now, really mostly input little output

peppa pig longest sentence

turned on chinese keyboard

chatgpt convo

texting w friends

wow im not bad

hearing is impt, then pure imitating, then say it while pinyin, then understand

u will not see gains intra-day 1 bc gains r slow obv u need multiple days etc wtvr 2 bc gains happen during Sleep (ie After the learning session, Not During)(analogy to gym, u dont get stronger inside of one session, ur muscle builds up After the session is done)(i notice improvement after one or two days)

do many short sessions, but also include some long sessions

imitating a sentence/paragraph whole-part-whole . listen to the whole thing, then split into parts, then put the parts together . like learning a piano piece . (also this is fractal - if too big, split up)

around this time i tried brute forcing comprehensible input via lazychinese.com, but found it too slow/unoptimal/wtvr

flirting w krashen's hypothesis and i see so many success stories abt krashen (e.g. https://www.reddit.com/r/languagelearning/comments/wetbjo/i_learned_english_through_magic_and_input_krashen/)

this was interesting too, i forgot what i got out of it but it was interesting (https://www.reddit.com/r/languagelearning/comments/r9g1s3/i_immersed_in_spanish_for_900_hours_without_any/)

eventually i disagree w krashen and think he's stupid bc my brother cant speak tagalog

opinion abt tutors

also found out that it lines up with more modern language acquisition theories and critiques of krashen: swain's comprehensible output + dekeyser’s skill building

hypothesis abt memorizing stories might be better than flashcards

like a memory palace but it's stories not palaces

du chinese analysis failed (unique word density starts at 12% then goes to 6%)

i think about here i stopped being so anal about the whole ... diagram that was rooted in kids being sponges

i dont hate language classes as much

trying to brute force grammar

current hypothesis/method:

trying to brute force grammar

same hypothesis abt memorizing stories to learn vocab, but now using AI generated stories (unique word density starts at 32% then goes to 20%. much better!)

build a huge foundation (learn lots of textbook grammar and vocab) (get lots of clay), then iron it out (practice listening/speaking/reading/writing/wtvr to acquire more natural idiomatic expressions and also just increase your speed/skill etc etc) (roll the clay)