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taeminsung · 6 months

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♡ ˚⁎⁺˳ ── love comes again..

pairing || bang chan x reader summary || chan finds you again, but this time, doesn't let go. genre/s || love trope. fluff. romance. trope || childhood best friends masterlist || stray kids as love tropes mina’s notes || the first chapter of stray kids as love tropes! please enjoy ♡

Seeing trainees in the halls of the company building always pulled at Chan’s heartstrings. The memories, both good and bad, flash in his mind. It served as a time that seemed to have hardened him in some respects but in other cases made me incredibly soft when it came to people who supported him during that time, mostly his kids. Yet, he couldn’t help but remember someone whose smile warmed his breaking soul during that time. Still to this day, you crossed his mind, often leaving him wondering if you changed your number or what you were doing these days. It was the late nights when Minho makes sure that everyone is fed that Chan’s mind drifts back to you the most.

˚⁎⁺˳

Chan, your soft voice filled the small space in the studio JYP had given him. Chan hummed in response, pulling his eyes off his computer scene to see you standing at the door, an exhausted look on your face, yet food in your hands. You need to take a break to eat, you smile, the light not meeting your eyes. He knew that you stayed up extremely late trying to nail the choreography for a monthly evaluation. Yet, he also knew that this one didn’t go great for you, while you managed to get the dance, the rap you were asked to do took a hit. This was the part he hated the most. Getting close with people who had the possibility to leave.

Instead of saying anything, he returned the smile of someone who had been his friend since you were both young, motioning for you to come into the space, moving papers on the desk for you to put stuff down. Silence filled the room, with no air of awkwardness, as you both ate the food, Chan looking at his computer every few bites to adjust something. The thing was, he knew that there was always a chance that you would get eliminated as a trainee but there was also something in his chest that was telling him to not put up the walls around his heart for you.

While Chan was nearing debut, having barely dealt with the blow of losing both Minho and Felix, he couldn’t even fathom the thought of losing you too. You were sunshine in the dark clouds that filled his head. A small hope that maybe things will work out. It wasn’t until a week later, when your tradition of bringing him food late at night, didn’t happen that he got nervous. Were you just in the practice room? Taking vocal lessons with Seungmin? Pulling himself out of his studio, he made his way around the building, poking his head into various rooms, having no luck in finding you. It wasn’t until Chan overheard Sana say I still can’t believe they got eliminated to Momo that he just knew without asking, that it was you.

As he made his way back to his studio, he made a small vow to himself to not get close to any of the other trainees, even if he made it through debut, because he couldn’t stand the way his heart was breaking for a third time. Once the door clicked shut, he let himself fall to the floor, burying his face into his knees, and letting the tears fall. A hand landed on his back, moving up and down before a sob rocked his body. He would never forgive himself for not making sure to protect you more.

˚⁎⁺˳

Schedules leading up to MAMA were going to be the death of Chan. He could tell it was also going to be for his members as well. It felt like little things were going to keep going wrong in their rehearsals and the stress was starting to get to them. They just needed one day of things to go right. Just one. Chan knew that getting to rehearse in their stage outfits would help and was relieved when he walked into the practice studio that day to see half the members dressed. Three days left, he reminded himself. Three days then a day of rest for everyone. They could do it. He needed to do it for them.

Struggling to not let his exhaustion show on stage for their ending, he could see Jeongin struggling just the same. Three… two… one…, Chan counted before the lights cut and he reached for his youngest member. Pride swelled in his chest that they were able to pull the performance off and nothing went wrong. Now, all he wanted was to get home, change into his favorite sweats, crawl under the blankets, and not emerge for as long as he possibly could. As he collected his kids and ushered them backstage, he thought his mind was playing tricks on him when he saw someone who looked strangely like you pass in front of him. There was no way. Right? You’d surely contact him if you knew you both were going to be at MAMA. Yet, he cursed himself because he didn’t even know there was a chance you’d be here.

A million questions seemed to be running through his head because Changbin was now dragging him through the halls to their room backstage so they could get a quick rest before going back to sit with the other idols. Would you not tell him you debuted? It’s not that your friendship ended on bad terms, but Chan was always too nervous to reach out to you after the elimination. Did you blame him for it? Did you hold a grudge against him for making it? Lost in his own world of questions and thoughts of you, he was dragged back into reality when Seungmin asked Minho, Hyung, isn’t that y/n? Chan's eyes were then glued to the monitor as he watched your group perform an amazing piece.

Even after your group was off stage, he couldn’t help but be stuck on the way you performed. All the nerves you used to have in the practice room were gone. Now you were confident in the same way he knew Hyunjin to be confident on stage. What felt like pride again was swelling his chest knowing that you were able to reach your dream. His best friend since childhood making a name on stage. You stepped into your calling and didn’t let the terrible moment in your past slow you down, or so he hoped. Chan hyung, we are going to grab dinner before going back to the dorms. You coming? Han questioned before heading back out to the stage.

The rest of the night went on and all of Chan’s thoughts were consumed by you. How had you been? Were you happy? Did you pick up on composing? The memory of the late nights in the studio, your head resting on his shoulder while he explained what he was doing consumed his vision for a fleeting moment. Had you finished that song you and Han were working on? Did you miss him like he missed you? So caught up in his own mind, he just let the motions of the night carry him through. It wasn’t until he was sitting at the restaurant with Han calling your name that Chan snapped back to reality. His members invited your group out for dinner. He couldn’t help the smile that tugged at the corners of his lips when you took the empty seat next to his.

Conversations flowed among the many people gathered around, alcohol bottles littering the table in celebration of the awards won and performances completed. Chan listened intently as you explained to Han and Seungmin what happened after you got eliminated from JYP and how you managed to find the current group you were in. The breath he didn’t even know he was holding escaped although a little shaky. The tension seemed to dissipate when you said you didn’t hold any resentment for the past and couldn’t be happier because it let you to where you are now.

It was when you turned to him after everyone started talking again that his skin seemed to feel like it was on fire when you looked at him. I’m so happy to see Minho and Felix back with you, you whispered so only he could hear. You deserved to have this group, a smile pulling at your lips. Maybe it was the way the familiar feeling of your presence calmed him down while also giving him newfound energy. I’m sorry I didn’t reach out to you, after… well after everything, you continued, I just didn’t know how to tell my best friend that I wasn’t good enough. The smile turning sad as your eyes dropped.

Chan’s hand twitched to reach out to you and tilt your chin up. It didn’t sit well with him that you could ever think you weren’t good enough. For who? For him? Because he knew that you were more than enough to be called his best friend and he would be damned to hear you say otherwise. But we made it, your face tilted up to look at him again. Something about the ‘we’ in your sentence broke something in his chest. That’s all he ever wanted. For you both to make it and settle into your dreams. Maybe it was the way he now viewed you, not the little one who would follow him around, but the confident person that you had grown up to become. In his mind, he reached out to caress your cheek, but in reality, he settled for You’ll always be enough for me.

Both of you were pulling back into the chaos of the conversation between the two groups as the debate on best dramas was in full swing. As Chan saw you smile wide at the mention of a show, it dawned on him what the feeling in his chest had been since he saw you in passing backstage. This time away from you, but always thinking of you, gave him the space to understand that he didn’t want anyone else to fill the space next to him where you used to be. No. What he wanted was for you to be back in the space. Maybe a little closer this time. The crushing weight of the realization that he was in love with you hit him before he even blinked.

Adjusting his position, he moved his leg so that it would be pressed against yours as he moved his chair slightly closer to you as well. His eyes noticed that your hands sat in your lap and before he could even think if it was a good idea, his hand was extending to lacing his fingers with yours. Daring a glance at your face, he could see the pink that dusted your cheeks and the way your smile slowly grew, eyes focused on your intertwined hands. When you didn’t pull away, joining in another conversation with Hyunjin instead, he knew that maybe you shared the same feelings as him. All he knew was at the end of tonight, he would make sure he had your number and would never let you go from his side again.

All the time for catching up could be spent tomorrow in the comfort of either of your places, filling each other in on everything that was missed, including the feelings that were already taking over.

from mina with love ♡ ˚⁎⁺˳ ── thank you for reading! ♡ tag list || @orchid-mantis-petals; @i-dontevenknowman; @deadcrow-donteat

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morallyinept · 6 months

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COWBOY CHRISTMAS - A Jack Daniels (Agent Whiskey) Christmas One Shot

Summary: Your husband Jack takes you out on a snowy Christmas Eve horse ride around the ranch, then helps you thaw out after.

Pairing: Husband!Jack Daniels x Wife!Reader (No name or physical description of reader. It’s you, bub.)

Word Count: 5k

Scoville Smut Rating: 🌶️🌶️🌶️ "You tell me I'm doing well, and then, you try to kill me."

Check out my Scoville Smut Ratings here.

Warnings/triggers - Established relationship/unprotected PIV (wrap up, folks!)/fingering.

NSFW. MINORS DNI! OVER 18’s ONLY. YOU ARE SOLELY RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT YOU READ. ☝🏻Don’t come at me; you’ve been plenty warned.

If this story isn't for you, that's fine. Just slip quietly out the back door. No need to make a fuss. It's just a work of fiction.

Author’s Note: Husband Jack hits differently and I'm here for it. Horsey speak researched because I'm not a horsey person. Neigh. I hope you enjoy spending Christmas with Jack. 🎄

Tagging @ladybess-a03 as Jack is her husband 🤠🖤

12 DAYS OF XXX-MAS MASTERLIST | MAIN MASTERLIST

Enjoy & Happy Holidays! 🎄🖤

“Now, you hold on tight to them reins there, sugar. Don’t want ol’ Thunder here gallopin’ off into the breach.” Jacks says to you with a wink.

You watch as he buttons up his denim jacket; a woolly sheepskin lines the collar inside around his neck. “Hoo, it’s a chilly one this mornin’!” He exclaims in that Southern twang making sweet, unbashed love to his vocal chords.

“Remind me why I let you talk me into this?” You say, feeling the cold rake it’s sharp fingernails down your spine.

“'Cause I can talk you into anythin'." He grins. "Besides, you’re gonna love it.” He assures.

“I love our warm bed more.” You mutter, trying not to smirk.

You grip tight on the leather reins with your gloved hands as the horse snuffles gently; the cool air wisps out of his large, wet nostrils in gossamer tendrils, floating into the air.

The snow is fresh and crisp on the ground; the Ranch is covered in billowy marshmallows heaped on the roof like someone let the powdered sugar pour overnight. The whole scene looks as though a snow globe has been shaken up and long since settled with the coarse glitter of it all glimmering under the pallor of the winter sun; a pale blue orb lingering in the sky.

A Christmas Eve morning horse ride with your husband Jack sounded appealing when he suggested it, but now that you’re the one in the driver’s seat so to speak, you're not so sure, as your stomach tosses about with the anxiousness of it all.

It’s not that you’re not a keen rider, it’s just that Jack’s array of Appaloosas and Mustangs from the rodeo show - that’s been a lucrative business for you both, if not but a hectic one - can always seem to sense your trepidation, and do everything they can to keep you from venturing near them, let alone mounting them.

But Jack’s a determined son of a gun to get you used to it, and a few lessons with a deep brown Lusitano named Thunder, seem to be paying off, as the two of you bond the more time you spend with the stallion.

Thunder stands at a regal sixteen hands, his physique a perfect blend of strength and elegance. His coat is a rich chestnut, gleaming under the dappled sunlight like polished mahogany. He's probably the most handsome thing you've ever laid eyes on, aside from your husband, of course.

Jack had assured you that Thunder’s physique, combined with his gentle demeanour and keen intelligence, made him not just a stunning horse, but also an ideal companion for you.

And that smooth talking cowboy hadn’t been wrong yet.

Jack hoists himself up, grunting with a steely puff as he settles on the double saddle behind you. Not brave enough yet to go it alone in the snow, Jack rides tandem with you this morning.

The front of his Stetson knocks gently against the back of your head as he adjusts, and the horse pads his front hooves in anticipation to get going.

“Easy, Thunder,” he soothes as he reaches around and checks the reins. “You good to go, sweet thing?” Jack asks you.

“What are you going to hold on to?” You query as he lets go of the reins, turning to glance at him over your shoulder warily.

You’ve seen Jack ride plenty of times, to the point he trusts his stallions and mares implicitly. There's some magical fluidity between them as you watch from the sidelines of the paddock when they practise together.

Although each time he rides free and un-reined, you can’t help but grimace and worry, especially when he shows off in the rodeo ring.

“Why, your gorgeous self, of course!” You feel him pinch your hips playfully and then his arms wrap around your waist. He pats your belly softly.

“I got you, nice n' tight.” The wetness of his lips are cold as they squish against your cheek where he kisses you affectionately. You giggle as his fuzzy moustache tickles against your skin.

“Now, you’re the one in control, remember. Just like I taught you. Pull back gently if you want him to slow down.”

“Okay.” You nod, taking in a deep breath and sounding much more confident than you actually feel. And Jack picks up on it and rubs your arms down.

“You’ve got nothin’ to worry about, sugar. He’s infatuated with you.” Jack reassures. He holds you tighter and runs his nose against the side of your face. “And he ain’t the only one.” he murmurs.

“You keep doing that and we’re never getting out of this damn paddock,” you groan as he nips against your lobe, tonguing it slyly.

Despite the cold, you suddenly feel the warmth creeping up under your jacket trying to strangle you.

He chuckles and pulls back, sitting himself upright and placing his hands together around your waist again.

“Let’s skedaddle.” He instructs.

You breathe out, clicking your tongue twice and squeeze your legs gently against the underside of Thunder. He immediately trots forward languidly.

“There you go, nice n' easy there. See, he ain’t so buck wild after all, is he now?” Jack says.

“No, he’s a good boy,” you say, leaning forward and patting Thunder’s head as he strides forward out the paddock. “A good boy that’s going to go nice and slow, okay?” You whisper, imploring the horse.

Thunder simply snorts in response.

You settle into it; a gentle trot across the acres of the Ranch on this wintery morning. You can feel the cold biting against your face as you tuck your chin into your scarf to ward off the nip.

The scene is magical; treetops covered in plumes of glittery white, and every sound seems more muted somehow, wrapped up in a bundle of snow that acts as a cosy insulator.

The soft pads of Thunder’s hooves against the cold ground, and Jack's breathing just behind your ear, are the only sounds you can hear around the exquisite peace.

And you lose yourself to it, closing your eyes and resting back against Jack’s chest as you relax into the ride together.

“You doin’ alright there?” Jack asks, and you feel his gloved hands rubbing back and forth against your stomach creating fluttery wings to beat and flap around inside of it.

“Mmm,” you reply. “This is just beautiful.” You confirm feeling more taken with it all. “This was a great idea.”

“I’m mighty glad you feel that way, darlin’. We gotta get you out ridin’ some more.” Jack suggests.

“I do plenty of riding, cowboy.” You toss a hot smirk at him over your shoulder.

“Christ. Ain’t that the truth.” He chuckles.

You feel his hands squeeze your hips again and his breaths are felt warming in the crook of your neck.

“Wanna kick it up a notch?”

“Go faster?” You peep with alarm.

“Sure, you can handle it.”

“But the snow, isn’t that dangerous?”

Jack scoffs. “Snow’s fresh, darlin’. No ice.”

“But-”

“Gotta trust in your horse.”

You make an uncertain noise in the back of your throat.

“Ain’t gonna let anythin’ happen to you.” Jack reassures and your uncertainty begins to waver as you feel yourself melt in the sincerity of his eyes.

“Okay.” You nod, smiling.

“That’s my girl. Go on, now. Squeeze your calves against him. That’s it, you’re doin’ real good.” Jack praises as Thunder ups his paces to a gentle canter, full of brio and a little faster than his previous meandering.

He bows and nods his large head, whinnying.

“Oh see, he likes that. Our boy here was bred for speed.” Jack pats the back of the stallion’s neck and Thunder snuffles in response.

You can feel your fingers gripping tighter on the reins, your body tensing up.

“You trust me, sugar?” You hear Jack pollute in your ear.

You turn to look at him incredulously.

“He wants to run. Gotta give it to him.”

“Oh God.” You wince.

You steady yourself as Thunder nickers and snuffles again. Jack takes your hand and weaves it around Thunder’s mane. A trick he does himself whilst on the rodeo to be sure to stay on if the horse should suddenly veer off.

Your gloved fingers hold tightly through the silken hair whilst your other hand grips on the reins as tight as you can.

“He’ll take care of you. We both will.” Jack takes a hold of the reins with you, his arms either side. “Hold on tight, darlin’.”

You steady yourself, holding on tightly as he instructs and bracing yourself.

“Hup! Hup!” You hear Jack instruct Thunder with a sharp command, and the horse bolts forward.

He attacks the gallop at full speed, like he's running for his life. Like he was born to do nothing else other then run.

“Shit, Jack!” You gasp, as he takes full control.

The sounds of Thunder’s hooves are louder and feel like they crack and echo across the sky. Your body is forced into a galloping rhythm; your butt bashing up and down against the saddle as you try to find some comfort with it.

You rise up, remembering to anchor yourself in the stirrups, leaning forward like your body is floating as Thunder moves under you.

You can feel Jack’s body against yours, moving with you. He has both hands on the reins, but has manoeuvred so you're safe inside his arms too.

“See why I named him Thunder now?!” Jack muses as he bears down on the reins and the horse’s speed increases furthermore.

You can feel Thunder’s muscles bunch and release. You can feel and hear his hooves hit the ground in heavy thuds that ricochet through your skeleton, and see the hypnotic, rhythmic motion of his head, which you’re following with your hands.

It’s exhilarating.

The cold wind whips through your bones, despite the jacket and scarf’s protection. You hear Jack holler and chuckle behind you.

“Alright now!” He cheers triumphantly as Thunder takes a sharp turn, effortlessly, and you cling on for dear life grounding down on your teeth and steadying yourself with your stirrups.

“Oh my God!” You wail as the exhilaration begins to twist that fear into utter elation.

Your teeth feel the cold as you can’t contain the wild smile opening up your lips as you giggle and holler alongside Jack; his enthusiasm and passion for the ride infecting you.

The wind is blowing so hard that you really can’t see or hear very clearly and Thunder’s ears twitch up as you holler an enthusiastic woo! Into the air. It feels like you're flying as the wind streams tears from your eyes.

Thunder’s hooves beat frantically against the snow and the ride through the acres soon comes to an end as Jack instructs you to slow Thunder to a steady trot once more.

You can sense Thunder’s reluctance, he would run forever if he could, but you pull on the reins and announce for him to slow and he does.

“Woah, easy. Easy…” you soothe as he tries to resist, but eventually settles back into that steady canter as you all catch your collective breath.

You wipe your eyes with the back of your woolly hand and Jack smiles at you.

“That was amazing,” you admit, your body shaking, not just from the cold now.

“I knew you’d love it.” He replies, grinning. “Your husband knows you better than you think.”

“Sometimes,” you tease.

“Sometimes?” He scoffs and stamps another kiss on your cold cheek.

Once in the paddock, Jack jumps off and helps you down. You lunge for him, planting a heavy kiss on his lips and slip your tongue into his hot, wet mouth.

“What’s got you so hot n’ bothered, hmm?” He murmurs against your lips.

“Adrenaline.” You shrug giggling, as you stroke the back of Jack's nape where his brown curls gather under his suede Stetson.

His hands sweep through your hair, messy from being wind-whipped and he studies your face with chocolate mocha eyes. You shiver as he pulls you to him.

“Fuck, sugar.” He groans as you press your mouth to his again; your kiss mutating into something desperate and untamed.

You both stumble backwards and Jack loses his footing and pulls you down with him in the muddy slush around the paddock.

“Ah shit,” he groans, chuckling.

You squeal as you feel the cold and wet instantly soak into your jeans. Scrambling, you try to get up, but slip further into the mud as Jack gives up and howls loudly at your plight.

He’s rewarded with a glop of mud thrown at his chest.

“Need a hand there, darlin’?” Once he’s contained himself enough, he helps you up and you both head back to the Ranch to warm up.

“Go on n’ get yourself inside. I’ll wrangle Thunder back into the stable. Reckon it might snow again soon.” He glances up at the sky, the sun long since besmirched by clouds of grey.

“Don’t take too long, handsome” you smirk.

“Lickety-split.” Jack breathes into your mouth as you kiss him again.

You look at the state of you both, covered in freezing mud, and Jack has some splashed up on his forehead, and you can’t help but laugh at the state of you both, despite shivering.

“Why don’t you run us a bath?” Jack suggests with dark eyes, and you nod as if under a captive spell.

You leave your muddy boots on the porch and head inside. The warmth hits you immediately and you shimmy yourself out of your wet jacket, blowing into your hands that feel like icicles, despite the gloves.

You pace up the stairs, wading somewhat as your jeans stick to you, to the bathroom and fill the large jacuzzi-style tub with hot water, stripping as you notice snowflakes starting to billow lightly outside.

“Missed your calling as a weatherman, Jack.” You snicker to yourself.

You toss in a fragrant bath bomb and light some incense filling the bathroom with heady notes of sandalwood, patchouli, and exotic florals; the swirling tendrils evoking a sense of tranquillity as your skin starts to perspire.

You step into the sizzling, enveloping water that seems to wrap its arms around you with the inviting warmth as you succumb to it wholly.

You breathe out slowly, moaning in relief as you slide your shoulders under the water, the temperature burning you slightly and relishing the feel of it.

You swill the water around; lavishing yourself in the foamy remnants of the bath bomb. You eventually lay still in the water and breathe in and out a few times, keeping your eyes closed.

Your cold, aching muscles from the ride find some sedated bliss in those first few moments; like someone has slowly squeezed the angst and stress out of you like juicing an orange.

You close your eyes and relax, feeling the weight start to drop from you.

The invigorating peace is interrupted by the bathroom door slowly creaking open and footsteps pad in lightly on the tiled floor.

You turn your head, smiling at Jack as he unbuttons his plaid shirt and drops it to his feet.

You sit up, watching him, and try not to obscenely salivate over your husband as he unbuckles his belt with a slow, deliberate simmer at you, but it's hard not to. He’ll always have that effect on you when he gets naked.

Your eyes roam over tan, sculpted arms, a svelte waist and long legs smattered with dark hairs, before you settle in on the thick, hardening cock between his legs.

“Scooch on forward, sugar,” he says softly with a wink, standing at the side of the tub; that semi hard-on already taking shape and protruding out from his lean, muscular body.

He steps in and sits down in the water behind you; his long legs running parallel either side of you.

“Couldn’t resist,” you hum.

“You gettin’ started without me, hmm?” Jack queries as he pulls you back into his chest, wrapping his arms over your stomach again.

You feel him plant kisses into your crown as you nuzzle into him.

“Scrub my back for me?” You question coyly over your shoulder, and flutter your eyelashes at him.

The steam in the bathroom makes the mirror frost over with condensation and the air seems to vibrate around you both and stick to your clammy skin.

You sit upright; the water making your back glisten at him and he licks his lips as he regards you.

“Well, how can I resist such a tempting offer?” Jack smiles and reaches for the soap on the side of the bath behind him, lathering it up in his big hands.

You feel his hands massaging into your shoulders; his fingers kneading away all the tension and the slippery feel of the soap foaming on your back, squelching through his thick digits.

“Mmm,” you sigh as he works his thumbs down either side of your spinal cord.

“That feel good, hmm?” Jack husks from behind you, squeezing and manipulating the muscles under your skin. He knows it’s good - knows it will drive you wild.

“Real good…” You utter, eyes closed and lost inside of his hypnotic rhythms and magic hands.

You can hear him breathe in your ear and feel him plant lascivious kisses down the side of your damp face. The faint scratch of his shaven jaw runs prickly against your skin; the soft fuzz of his moustache counteracting it begins to tickle again.

It begins to wake your nipples up; sending goosebumps to bloom around your areolas pulling them tight and tingly.

He runs his fingers down your back and up under your arms sitting forward himself, and slathers the soapy lather in his hands across your collarbone and down towards your breasts.

Your breath hitches as his roaming fingers tease your nipples, pulling and rolling them gently, and you sink back into his chest once more as he massages. He runs the open palms of his hands all over them; cupping, squeezing, fondling.

“That’s so nice,” you groan as he kisses the side of your temple.

“I told you, I know you well.” You can hear him grin, a graze inside your ear.

His wet, soapy fingers continue to work their way down your torso, gliding across your navel before he gives it a gentle squeeze and strokes gently.

“What’re we gonna name this lil’ dill pickle in here, hmm?” Jack asks, and you glance down at your tummy, still flat, but in a few months time it’ll be swollen and rotund as the baby grows.

“Depends what he looks like when he comes out. Hopefully not like a dill pickle. I hate pickles.” You say, crinkling your nose.

You hear Jack snort behind you into your hair. “Hates pickles. I married me a mad one.”

“You knew what you were getting yourself into, cowboy.” You chuckle.

“Mmhm. He?” He queries.

“Feels like a he.” You say, placing your hands on top of Jack’s. The light of your wedding band shimmering in the wet. “What do you think?”

“I think,” Jack breathes in, his lips grazing your skin behind your ear “as long as it’s healthy, darlin’, it don’t matter. Gonna love it all the same.”

You smile, reaching up behind you to stroke his face. You feel him peck your fingers.

“When he's out, I’ll put another one in there.” He confirms.

“Woah, hold your horses,” you say.

“You just try n’ stop me, sugar. Got yourself a virile man. Gonna have a whole bunch of lil’ rodeo riders gallopin’ about the joint.” Jack pinches your hips gently and you giggle when he hits a ticklish spot as he gruffs another chuckle in your ear.

He feels you flinch and the top of your buttocks push against his cock that has long since hardened completely under the water.

“Besides, I'm waitin’ for these to grow nice n’ big, too,” Jack smirks.

Jack kisses down the side of your face once more; his lips searching yours out and finally making contact with them as you twist yourself in the water to reach them.

His tongue darts into your mouth as he squeezes onto your right breast, and a satisfied grunt escapes into your mouth from him.

You splash water at him as he growls playfully into you, moaning as you kiss him again.

It makes all the hairs of your body stand tall to order, hearing him moan like that - moan for you. Warming you as you inhale them in; oxygen to your lungs.

Filling you deep with sweet images of him teaching your child - or several of them - to ride horses and take care of them. The thought of Jack’s paternal instincts rile you up even further.

Although it doesn’t take much with the hormones either.

His kiss is hungry; swallowing you up and you raise your wet hands to finger inside of his hair, weaving through it gently at first, but becoming fiercer with tugs as he reacts to it.

You wonder what else it’ll be that you’ll crave this much as your pregnancy advances, because you're constantly craving your husband inside you, night and day it seems.

And neither of you are complaining about it.

He follows the track of bubbles down your body with his hand, slides down over your torso and abdomen until his fingers reach forward and disappear between the middle of your legs inside the bubbly pool.

You gasp, breaking the kiss as you feel them instantly finding your clit and shudder as he swipes across it with the pads of his tips. They tease between your soapy folds. His middle finger starts tapping and rubbing against your hub, making you gasp into his mouth.

“Suck, darlin’... just like that.”

His other hand grips gently around under your face, stroking your jawline as his digits run over your lips when he breaks the kiss.

Hooded brown eyes regard you before inserting his index and middle finger into your mouth.

You suck on them gently, and run your tongue over them as his other fingers thrum heavier on your clit under the water, causing it to swill around you as you fidget, grinding against his fingers as he slowly teases you with them.

He can still feel the viscous slickness of you around them, feeling silkier in the water.

“You feel that, sugar? What you’re doin’ to me? Got my cock all big n' hard for you.” His fingers move off your clit and begin to take a walk inside of you, and you gasp again in delight.

Jack marvels with mud coloured eyes as you lap at his fingers, imagining they’re his cock. They taste slightly salty like it; rough and calloused skin being soothed by your tongue.

He groans into your ear nipping at your lobe, as you feel him pressing against your lower back and getting harder by the second.

“Mmm, Jack…” His name escapes out of your mouth, dripping in honey and all things sweet.

The fingers you’ve been sucking on run across your throat and he kisses you more forcefully as he slides his digits in and out of your pussy, gaining momentum.

Your part your legs wider so he can delve in further to you, arching back up against him as the sensation of tingles flood outwards from your core all over your body and skin, crackling outwards like fuzzed lightning.

“Fuck!” You pant as he works you up and pushes you closer and closer to the edge until you finally leap off.

An electrifying sensation courses through you, sparking an intoxicating blend of satisfaction and euphoria as you gasp out.

“Jack!”

“Fuck, darlin’, that’s it.” Jack encourages as the heel of his palm grinds heavily against your clit as he fingers you through your pulsing orgasm.

Your thighs jolt and shudder as he strokes gentler now, teasing circles around your sensitive bud after withdrawing his slick soaked fingers.

You twist around in the bath completely to face him. You want him; want him hard and are going to take him - hard.

“Fuck,” you moan, taking him in.

He lays back in the tub, knees open wide with plumes of suds, and cock resting heavy and thick against his stomach.

It makes you salivate to see him like this; so fucking gorgeous and wet, and all yours.

“See somethin’ you like?” He smirks.

You run your drenched hands over his cock, nodding. Feeling how he pulses and the veins throb around your grip as you jerk him slowly.

“Show me again how well you can ride, sugar.” Jack challenges, as you grin.

You straddle him, sliding up and down against him; your lips teasing him as you rub against his hard, thick length.

“Gimme that pussy, darlin’.”

“You want it, cowboy?” You utter as you slip back and forth over him.

“Oh, you know I want it.” He hisses through his teeth as you rub your cunt up and down his length, groaning as it still tingles on your clit. “Always want this fuckin’ gorgeous pussy.”

You sit down on his thick cock that’s poking out of the water at you, inviting you onto its swollen, wet head. The water sloshes around you both as he grabs at your hips and grinds you down onto his throbbing dick.

“Fuck,” he grits as he fills you.

You balance your weight on your arms, holding onto the edges of the tub, sliding up and down him; bouncing that pussy of yours off of his cock.

“C’mon, sugar. Ride me. Ride your cowboy.” Jack tempts.

Jack thrusts his hips upwards to meet you halfway as you thud back down on him, making you both cry out.

“Fuck, like that!” He hollers, the water now splashing over the sides of the tub onto the floor with your intense determination to get off.

“That feel good, darlin'? Lemme see you. Eyes on me, sweet thing. Christ, look at you... So fuckin’ gorgeous on my dick. That's it now, work it... Like that. Aw, hell yeah, like that…” he croons, panting.

He can feel himself becoming more and more frantic with you and you love it. You grip onto his hands, anchoring yourself as he bucks underneath you; lifting his hips as you ride him deeper and faster.

“Jack! Fuck!”

You’re wailing as your head snaps back, suds flicking up the tiles, and the water in the tub is nothing more than a swirling whirlpool around you both.

You can feel the brewing of your orgasm; the tightening inside your stomach and the deep pull of your cunt cinching around him.

It’s a delicious feeling as you unwind yourself completely. The air in the bathroom carrying a heavy, languid heat, wrapping you in a heady cocoon of sensual bliss.

Jack gorges on the vision of you, sitting atop him; breasts shiny with the soapy water dripping down them, jiggling up and down. Panting and groaning for him as your body runs slick with water and bubbles.

The blooming feeling, like a sunlit daydream, unfolds with gentle intensity that bathes you in a soft, golden glow as it builds from within.

A velvet touch of warmth that lingers dreamily through the marrow of your bones, leaving you submerged in a haze of dizzy serenity, where time slows and the world takes on a muted hue around the fuzzed edges of your vision, condensating your eyes as you enjoy the deep thrusting inside you.

“Darlin’. Fuck, you’re so beautiful.” He groans. He can feel himself beginning to lose it, grunting and getting ready to fill you up.

You let go of his hands and slap them down on his chest, riding him ragged over the final hurdle; cunt tightening and pumping his cock.

He can just about bear it as your position means he’s gone that little bit further inside you still, and your walls are rubbing deliciously against him.

“Ah shee-it!” Jack curses out with a snarl pulled around his beautiful lips. “Gonna fill you up, sugar. You’re close now… I can feel it. Want you comin’ all over my cock as I fill you, okay?” He drawls in that thick, Kentucky squall.

Nodding, you go faster; twerking on his dick and feeling the build up inside you reach epic proportions - your own release imminent. You want this; crave this from him, as you let yourself let go.

“Come for me, Jack!”

“Fuck, yeah!”

He shudders against you, cursing out and biting his bottom lip as he begins exploding inside you. Veins in his neck twitching and bulging as he howls.

You slump forward onto him, kissing his wet, smooth chest delicately. The water finally comes to a still as you lay in the hot suds with him.

You combust around him; calling his name out over and over; your rocking takes on a slow and steady pace until its eventual stop as you both shiver and judder from the come down.

Your body tingles all over and legs feel like wobbly jelly.

“Fuck me...” Jack sighs contentedly, grabbing a hold of your ass and squeezing it gently between the wavy, foamy froth.

“I just did.” You titter and he chuckles.

“And then some.” He tilts your chin up to him and plants a lingering sensual kiss on your lips.

“Jesus Christ, I love you, darlin’.” He wraps you tightly in his drenched arms. “You n’ that lil' dill pickle in there.”

You smile contentedly. “We love you too, cowboy.”

A little while later, you’re both dressed in warm clothes by the fireplace, as Jack sips from a glass of honey coloured whiskey.

You’re both exchanging cosy, satisfied smiles as you both wrap the gifts in coordinated teamwork, that you’ve picked out together for the staff that work at the Ranch.

You crease the folds of the metallic paper, and he tears off the tape strips holding them out to you on a lone finger. He holds the ribbon in place, whilst you tie it into a bow over his digits.

He writes out the cards in a messy scrawl, whilst you place some food down in front of him, and he leans up to kiss you, patting and rubbing your tummy gently.

He lifts up the chunky knit of your sweater to reveal your soft, clean skin. You run your hands through his deep chocolate locks as he beams up at you.

“Happy Christmas, sugar.”

“Happy Christmas, Jack.”

You watch, smiling fondly, as he then runs his nose against your belly, inhaling the perfume of you, and you giggle at the tickle of his moustache.

Jack gazes up at you before pressing his soft, pursed lips below your belly button. A lingering little smooch sinking into the layers of your skin.

“Happy Christmas, lil' dill pickle.” Jack says.

12 DAYS OF XXX-MAS MASTERLIST | MAIN MASTERLIST

#pedro pascal x reader #jack daniels x reader #agent whiskey x reader #agent whiskey smut #agent jack whiskey daniels #agent whiskey kingsman #pedro pascal #pedro pascal characters #christmas stories #jett's writing

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eeunoia · 9 months

Text

ENHYPEN Mini Series

ENHYPEN as Taylor Swift Songs

BACK TO DECEMBER

synopsis: through ups and down, boyfriend lee heeseung was there for you. he’s the perfect boyfriend girls always wishes for. he was perfect, always good to you and you hurt him.

pairings: lee heeseung x reader

word count: 11k.

warnings: angst, harsh words. (let me know if there’s more)

note📎: i’m not so sure how i did with this one, but here you go. please enjoy! this is the second part of my taylor swift songs series. i hope you guys liked this. your reply and reblog means a lot and my ask are open for you thoughts. thank you and stay safe.

"Y/n! I'll go first." you looked over your shoulder and smiled at your friend while she waves her hand. You gave a short nod and waved as well before going back to what you're previously doing.

As you busy yourself putting your things inside your training bag, you let out a yelp when someone suddenly caged you in an embrace.

You twists your head after hearing this familiar mischievous chuckles coming from the culprit. It was your boyfriend, Lee Heeseung. His smirk was evident despite you shooting him glares.

"You scared me!" you shouted at him then swat him over his arm once after he lets you go.

He grunts lowly but kept his smirk. "Well that's the purpose." he said playfully that earned him a roll eyes from you.

With a small smile you went back on fixing your things and you felt him walks closer then he threw his arm over your shoulder.

"How was practice today, pretty? I heard you killed the evaluation yesterday." his tone sounded too excited to hear anything about your day which is not a surprise anymore. He was always like this. One thing you are thankful for is that he's always ready to hear your rants about life. Whether they make sense or not, he will give you his ears.

"It was exhausting. I'm pretty sure the teacher is trying to give us a hard time." you complained and faced him so he can see how you're really upset about it.

Heeseung chuckles softly, seeing you like this is surely adorable. "Awe," he showed this expression that made you want to laugh. He cupped your face and leaned down so you're both on your eye level.

"Who made this baby upset?" he asks taunting you a bit.

You bit your lower lip then elbowed him. He laughs, but lets out a small groan out of pain. He was exaggerating a bit, but it was normal. This is how you two usually shows affection.

After finishing fixing your things, Heeseung gently steals it from your grip then the two of you started walking out from the dance practice room. Your eyes slowly trailed over him. He's wearing training clothes so you know he's here to train as well. Probably vocal lessons.

You and your boyfriend are both trainees in Hybe. He's the first one to get here and you actually met here before you two became a couple. It was not a secret, but you both know your responsibilities and limitations. Right now, your priority is both your careers. The staffs always reminds the two of you that you shouldn't let the relationship affect your work in any way.

Specially that the survival show Heeseung will participate in is just right by the corner. It's so near. Its just a month away before it starts. They've already been oriented about it.

"How was the photoshoot last monday, Hee?" you tried opening a topic between your boyfriend who's silently walking beside you.

He glanced at you before grabbing your hand to hold it. "Good. But it felt so weird tho. I wasn't totally used to it." he said and you can see how his ears turned red. You thought it was cute how he gets shy just by remembering it.

"I bet your photos will turn out great. You'll gain many fangirls!" you stated excitedly.

You know Heeseung. He's good looking and very very talented. You are very sure people will love him. He's also very funny too, so you don't see why he needs to get worried about it. Yes, being nervous is a part of it but you know he will do just well. And you'll be right here to support him.

He kept his stares at you. Those bambi doe eyes of him whenever he looks at you with so much affection sure makes your stomach go crazy. There's just something about it that you can't point out. Not to mention how his beautiful honey tan skin goes along with it perfectly. You raised your hand and brush his hair once before flashing him this warm smile.

"I know you're probably very worried and nervous right now," you started and eyes slowly trails down from his eyes down to his nose, and to his lips. He pursed it, that made it even look more red. You blinked, getting a little distracted.

"But you'll do very well, Hee. I know it. We all know it." you glanced back to his eyes after finally shoving away the distracting thoughts of his lips and how good they look.

He kept his stares and didn't respond right away. "Yeah. I just can't help but to overthink with all this pressure around me."

Some people may find him mysterious and honestly, you can't blame them. He isn't the type who will tell you everything and opens up very quickly. Heeseung is very reserved when it comes to letting other people see his emotions. You understand him and somehow gets his point. It also took you a while before he started sharing his thoughts with you.

You draws in a sigh before pursing your lips, "Don't mind the pressure. It will always be there, specially because you're very talented and a lot expects big from you. Just enjoy, baby."

Heeseung's eyes sparkles because of the endearment. His hand reaches out for you and pulled you into a tight embrace. You chuckles, inhaling his manly scent as you slowly returns his affection. His lips pressed a kiss at your forehead once.

"I will. Thank you, baby. For always believing in me."

You blushed. He's been calling you endearments ever since you two started dating, but you still blush like crazy like its the first time. Heeseung have that much effect on you. You truly loves him so much.

"I will always believe in you."

He slightly pulls away then cups your face, "And I believe in you too. I know you'll debut sooner as well." his tone sounded so sure. You couldn't even sense any doubt from it.

You flashed a confident smile, "Definitely!" you cheered happily and you both chuckled after that.

Trainee life wasn't easy and they often say that this isn't just about passion. There's so much more about it. Your dreams and future, they're all connected. The risks you are taking for choosing this life instead of going to a good university was no joke. They said continuing this path is only for brave ones. And you are brave.

As expected, Heeseung became pretty busy the following weeks. Meetings after meetings, trainings after trainings, they even started to film some clips that may appear on the show. It was so exciting and thrilling. Hearing stories from your boyfriend makes you feel like you're experiencing them first hand. You are so happy for him.

You glanced at him silently packing his bag while you hang the outfit he's about to wear tomorrow. It's the big day. His big day. They will go to this place and stay there for a long time. It makes you feel sad and longing already for him. After-all, you two had been inseparable ever since you dated. It was always with him that highlights your days. For now, you have to settle on seeing him on screen. The thought of him finally taking another step closer to his dreams, somehow became your only comfort.

"Did you pack everything?" you broke the silence between you two as you hang his pants together with his tie-dye shirt.

His eyes met yours and he smiled, it was obvious that he was thinking about something before you talked. You already had a clue what it is, but you try to keep your mouth shut and let him speak for it.

"Yes. It's not like we're asked to bring too much anyway. They said all the things we will be needing will be there." he says and you nodded your head trying to push back the tears that were attempting to come out from your eyes.

Heeseung has never seen you cry before. He sees you as a very gullible and happy go lucky person. He does saw you get sad and disappointed, but crying? No. Atleast not yet.

He might have noticed the hint of tears at the corner of your eyes so he chuckles and opens his arms wide for you. A small smirk spreads across his handsome face, to hide and cover the sadness that slowly eating him up.

"Come here," he softly says that you obliged right away.

The hug was warm as always. It was one of your favorite things in the world, being caged between his arms while he place kisses at your head and assured you that everything's going to be all right. For Heeseung, this is also one of his safest place. You between his arms, your warmth comforting him and telling him that you're just there for him. He's attached to you as much as you are to him.

"Three months isn't that long, I'll be back even before you know it." he comforts you even without you mentioning that it was that that bothers you.

He knows, because he himself is sad that you'll be away from each other for that long. But you two have no choice. This is for his dreams, your dreams. This is what's best and you are very happy for him. You'll do anything just for him to be successful and achieve his dreams. And you'll do the same for your dreams. You two promised that a time will come, you will watch each other in big screens while attending music award shows together.

"I love you, Heeseung." you mumbled.

His heart races as he pulls away flashing you a warm smile, "I love you." and he leans in to give you one affectionate kiss on your lips.

That night, you spend it while cuddling each other closely. Sleep doesn't seem to visit you and so you just enjoyed staying with him for a bit more. Soon enough, sunrise were there and he has to leave and go to the place where they'll film the show. He waves at you and you did as well flashing him your warmest smile.

"Y/n, have you watched the first episode?" your eyes looked over one of the trainees who excitedly approach you while you're currently working out.

You smiled and nodded your head shortly. She squealed and even did small jumps out of excitement. Another one smoothly joins in the conversation. They're starting to tell you how amazing and cool Heeseung was along with some other trainees that you couldn't catch on.

You just smile politely and responds whenever they ask things. Unconsciously, your eyes darted over the entrance of the gym when you saw one of the trainors were called by a staff. She asked him something and he nods his head before roaming his eyes around the place, like looking for someone. When you two met eyes, he stopped and pointed you towards the staff.

Your heart races as you watch her thank him then walks towards you. She's familiar. You have seen her with some of the managers around the company. There's a rumor that they're trying to form a girl group and will release them soon. The thought thrilled you and your heart can't help but to leap out of excitement and anticipation.

"Ms. Y/n?" the two girls that were talking to you turns their head and bowed immediately after seeing the staff. She returned the greeting and looked back at you.

"Yes?"

"Are you done with your work out? I would like to invite you to the office, one of the managers asked for you." she said using this professional tone. It made you a little worried and anxious, you'll be honest. But you shrugged it off and bravely nodded your head before asking if you can go take a quick shower first.

She said okay and that she'll just wait for you at the lobby. You didn't waste any time and just quickly go take a quick shower and tried to make yourself look presentable as much as possible. When you arrived by the lobby, she's there on the phone. While walking closer, you try to flatten your shirt and fix your hair. Just in time, she glanced at your way and asked you to wait for a while.

You stood there patiently and after she finishes her call, she walks closer and trailed her eyes from head to toe.

"Follow me." she strictly instructs and you just nodded.

As you follow her, your mind is floating somewhere. A lot of questions flooded you and your lungs pressed out air out of nervous. Chills runs over your spine as your heart clamps making it a little hard to breath. Despite all of these, you composed and prepared yourself to whatever it is that going to happen.

You've seen scenes like this. It's either end up good or bad.

The two of you stops outside a meeting room, here is where special meetings are gathered. Near here is the evaluation hall where you present your monthly performance that they will grade. It will dictate whether you will continue as a trainee or you're out.

"Wait here for a while." she says and knocked twice to the door before peeping his head a little.

"She's here with me. Should I get her inside?" she asks the people inside. You couldn't hear what exactly their responnses are but when the girl motioned you to follow her inside, you guess they agreed.

You draws in big heavy sigh before you walked inside, ready to face them and hear what they call for you in.

As expected, familiar faces are can be seen. They all turned their heads at you once you step inside. Strict and cold looking eyes scanned you from head to foot. It made you more nervous because the silence was very suffocating. They all have serious face and none of them are talking.

"Goodafternoon." you tried to greet them even if you're very nervous. Good thing that you didn't startled.

The girl asked you to stand at the middle, in front of the table where they're all seated. It's not very welcoming and has high tension that makes you just want to run outside, but this was all part of it. Monthly, you get evaluated and this are pretty similar to it.

"What do you think?" one of them asks, only she's not talking to you but rather to the person beside her. There's this strict woman, probably on her mid-30s, and she's staring at you with those strict meticulous eyes of hers. You know her. She have a high position in the company, her opinion is very important when it comes to trainees that will be released by the company.

She kept her stares and didn't talk for a while before she draws in a sigh. "Well, she looked decent." it was a short comment, but was enough to make relief falls over their faces.

She sighed, "All right, take her out from Team B and let her be with (band name) for a while. Let's see their chemistry together."

Your eyes almost popped out of its socket after what you heard from her. She didn't said anything afterwards and just fixed her folder and left, dismissing everyone that isn't needed anymore. All of them stood up to bow at her as she leaves the room, you on the other hand was still stunned at what was happening. A part of you wanted to jump and celebrate, but a part of you felt scared. Worried of what's about to come.

Trainee life is already very hard and you heard that once you're part of a debuting group, it'll be much worst. They said they'll become more strict and things are way different. Despite all of these thoughts that are bothering you, the idea of finally joining a group that will be released is very thrilling.

"Y/n? Come with me." your neck craned over to the staff that took you here in this room.

After bowing politely at the remaining people inside, you decided to follow her towards somewhere. On the way, your heart are thumping like crazy. Your stomach churns in an uncomfortable way. The emotions you are currently having are unexplainable.

Soon enough, both of you arrived at a practice room. Your mouth gapped in awe as you roam your eyes around after she guides you inside. Inside were five girls that turned their heads in unison after noticing your presence. Your curiosity subsided and you suddenly felt shy.

One of them went to stop the music and they walked closer, standing in a straight line. Their curious eyes darted silently at you.

"Girls, this is y/n. She will join your trainings and practices for a while and we will see if she fits the group." she asks you to introduce yourself and even if you feel super shy, you bowed.

"Hi, I'm y/n from Team B. I hope you take good care of me." you showed a polite smile for them that they exchanged with warm smiles. Somehow, it made you feel at ease. They all seems very nice.

One by one, they introduced themselves to you. The staff left you with them and the girls instantly hovered over you excitedly. You blushed and felt surprised at them. One giggles and informed you that you are younger so she wants you to call her 'unnie'.

"You're Heeseung's girl, right?" the oldest from the group suddenly said.

You showed a slight shock over your face and nodded your head. One seems to be surprised at the information while others kept their smiles. They all got excited and soon hovered around you to ask about details. It was obvious how they find it so amusing that you are in a relationship with the ace trainee.

“It must’ve been very hard for you right now. Do you miss him?”

Your lips lifts up into a small smile and eyes slowly trailed down your fingers, the familiar bitter feeling overtaking your chest.

“So much. I got used to having him around.” you admits.

“Yah, you shouldn’t have asked that.” one of them whispered and you just smiled a little at them to show that its fine.

A lady entered the room and she introduced herself as Ms. Kim. She’s the one incharge to manage this debuting group. She flashes you a warm smile. For the first time, you felt at ease. She’s the only one who gave you this kind of face ever since you were escorted here.

You mirrored her smile despite feeling a little awkward.

“Y/n, team B. A trainee for almost a year.” it isn’t a question that needs a confirmation, it was a statement. Seems like she’s well aware of your background. It made you feel a little nervous.

“You’re probably at shock right now, but from now on you will be joining them.” she draws in a sigh. “Consider this a chance to take a spot in the debuting group, Y/n. I hope you take this seriously.” she stated, now looking at you with a stern look on her face.

You nodded right away, warmth slowly spread through your chest.

“Yes, Ma’am!”

Things that follows became a blur. The next thing you know, you are spending most of your time with this group training. A part of you expects a lot, excited and looking forward to what’s waiting ahead, but a part of you also worries a lot. The management did told you that this doesn’t guarantee your spot for the debuting group. They’re just checking if your chemistry with these girls will click. If yes, you’ll debut with them. If not? Then you’re back to team B.

“Come on girls! Move those bodies!” the choreographer ordered and like robots you all complied. You sighed and felt your body aching due to dancing too much. The dance moves are no joke. It was crazy and honestly you feel like your bones are not attached to each other anymore.

“Y/n!!” her screams were loud as your small mistake of the dance after missing off the beat caught her eyes.

Your body stopped moving and that caused her to be more angry. She was always the strict type of teacher, the ones who doesn’t let small mistakes slip off and you understand why. You wanted so bad to move, but your body was too strained to even follow the dances.

“Stop the music!” and in an instant, the song stopped and all the girl’s eyes darted at your direction.

This isn’t a new scene for you anymore. Ever since you joined this group, you felt different. You feel like you cannot dance and sing anymore. Like as if all those trainings you've done before did you nothing, like it was all put into waste.

The girls gave way to the instructor when she marched towards your direction. They have this worried look painted over their faces. You teared your gaze away from them and looked at the furious instructor. She looked really mad. You can’t blame her. The clock is ticking and the debut date is approaching fast. They need the group ready and you are causing them trouble.

“I’m s-sorry.” you muttered lowly as you try to keep your tears from escaping your gloomy and tired eyes.

Her clenching jaw is visible and she lets a scoff, “How many months are you training with them again, y/n?” her tone roared all over the room. Nobody else talked after her question. None of them tries to interrupt or save you from her wrath.

You stood there, looking afraid and tired. You are feeling sorry for messing up, sincerely sorry for it. It’s just you feel like everything’s moving too fast for you. Suddenly, you doesn’t fit to this anymore. Like you’ve been stripped off from your life and was put into a different timeline accidentally. It was hard to explain.

“T-Three months.” you answered, stuttering.

“3 months and you still mess this small details?! Are you really a trainee?!” she shouted right at you. It made you step back once and your head lowered. You felt your chest tightens as you bit your lower lip to keep it from shaking too much. Your eyes heaten up, tears pooling already.

“I don’t even know why they decided to put you in here! I don’t know why you’re here and honestly, I want you out! You are ruining the group’s image! You are not fit here!” her loud voice hurts your ears but her words stabbed you like knives.

A tear fell from your eye. Ever since you joined this debuting group you cried too often. Too often that sometimes even if you’re hurting, no tears flows anymore. It was just too... overwhelming. Nobody’s there to comfort you. The company is strict on making you interact with other people. Right now, you have nobody.

Then Heeseung pops inside your mind. Your lips shakes even more and tears flows unstoppable. Just thinking about him suffocates you more. You wish he’s here beside you. You wish he was here, because you’re sure he will know the perfect words to say. He will know how to calm you down.

“Crying again, huh?! Is that all you can do?! Is that what you trained to do here? You’re better off on the acting career!” she has no mercy. Well, she’s strict that way. It’s not that she’s heartless, or maybe she really is, but there are times that she’s nice and caring. It’s just that she takes her job seriously. And with all the pressure for the upcoming girl group of the company, she can’t help but to be more strict.

“That’s enough,” after hearing Ms. Kim’s voice, the instructor stopped talking but you can still her heavy breaths.

She told everyone to leave the room to give you and Ms. Kim some privacy. The moment they all left, your knees automatically lose all of its strength and you fell on the floor. There, you cried. You cried so hard.

“I’m disappointed in you, Y/n.” unlike the teacher before, her tone is more calmer. Her words added to the knives already buried over you.

“We picked you to add to this group, but you are not doing your best.” she said that made you slowly raise your head to look at her.

Her heart cracks at the sight of you. Eyes full of tears, cheeks and nose red from all the crying and the life in your eyes were nowhere to be found. She can’t even see any determination from you. It’s like as if you’ve already gave up.

“I’m d-doing my best, Ms. Kim.” you tried to argue for yourself. You are trying your best. Multiple times you stayed later than everyone else just to learn the steps a bit more. Your voice strained countless times from all the vocal trainings you’ve done.

“Well, I can’t see it.” she stepped closer and helped you get back to your feet. Her concerned eyes wonders over your crying face. She cares genuinely for you. Even if she’s strict and sometimes she scold you, you can feel her care for you. That’s why seeing you like this hurts her as well. She wants you to debut with this group because she saw a potential in you.

“Do you want this, Y/n?” she asks, brushing away some of your hair from your face.

You nodded continuously, “Y-Yes.”

She stared at your eyes for a good minute before she nods her head. “Show us that you want this.” and with that she pulled you in for a hug.

That made you bursts into tears again, “I’m s-sorry, Ms. Kim. I w-will try more. I will try to do b-better more.” she cares your back and soon she asks you to go home to get some rest.

You’re like a lifeless person while entering the quiet dorm. Since you’re training with the debuting group, you sleep in their dorms as well. The whole place was dark since nobody’s here. You sighed and plopped yourself down the floor. The deafening silence of the place adds more weight to your down mood.

The aches all over your body made you tear up along with the hurtful things that happened a while ago. Your mind was blank, you don’t know how your eyes still produce tears. Then your phone inside your pocket buzzed for a text message you just received.

With slow and lifeless movement, you reached for it then checked who it was. You sat up and wipe off the tears over your cheeks as the familiar contact name of Heeseung’s Mom flashed through your screen. She left you a text.

Mom (Heeseung’s)

Y/n-ah, how are you? You don’t visit me here anymore. I hope you are eating well. I know training is hard, but you can do it. I believe in you, we all do. Don’t starve and overwork yourself. Anyway, its the last episode tomorrow and its your day off. I’m just wondering if you want to watch it with the family?

Your heart tugged by the sweet message. It made your tears flow even more. Guilt and slight anger towards yourself ignites as it reminds you how many people are supporting you. Somehow, that gesture help you to gain motivation to continue and give your best.

You took a long hot bath after crying a bit more before finally going to bed.

The next morning, the dorm was still quiet when you started getting ready to leave. You figured the rest of the girls are still sleeping in because its your day off. They probably stayed late yesterday.

You quickly left the dorm after leaving some cooked meal for the girls and a note saying that you’re off to Heeseung’s house. They are often used to it already. You leave far and his house is the closest to the company. That’s why whenever its your day off, you go there to spend some time with Hee’s Mom. To somehow ease both of your longing towards him.

“Y/n!” her cheerful voice greets you the moment you entered the house. You flashed a bright smile and return her warm hug.

You fight so hard not to cry when you felt her cares your back. With pursed lips, you blinked multiple times to push the tears back. You don’t want to worry her.

She pulls off the hug and caress your face, “Are you eating well? You lost some weight.” she says worriedly.

“Don’t worry, Mom (Hee’s Mom). I make sure I eat well.”

She pouts her lips and stared at your eyes a bit more just to check if you’re really telling the truth. Thankfully, she didn’t notice how your eyes are all puffy with all the crying last night. Guess icing your eyes really works.

She served you good lunch and both of you spent the whole afternoon catching up. The last episode will be stream live later so you still have time. Despite the smiles over her face, you can see through her eyes that she’s worried.

You reached for her hand and caress it.

“He will make it, Mom (Hee’s Mom).” you assured her.

Her eyes teared up now that you noticed it. She’s been holding back these tears because she doesn’t want you to be sad and worried as well. Heeseung has been through a lot these past months inside that survival show. But you know he will debut. He’s strong and very talented. A lot of people supports and loves him.

The two of you are hand in hand while the last episode started. Both in tears whenever Heeseung showed up on the screen.

“Lee Heeseung.”

The two of you screamed and jumped while hugging each other when his name was called. You cried with tears of joy then glanced back at the television. He was now hugging the other debuting members and you can see how relieved he is. He stared through the screen and it made your heart thumped faster.

“You made it, love.” you mumbled under your breath, the cries of joy of his Mom as your background.

The joy you are feeling for your boyfriend are too much, but a tiny bitter feeling aches inside of you. At the back of your mind you know things will change. You have no idea how or what kind of change, but you are certain about it. Then your heart aches after remembering what happened to you yesterday.

You can’t help but to be scared. Heeseung’s a step closer to his dreams, while you seem to have taken a step back.

“Baby!” he jogs towards you and didn’t waste any time to cage you into a tight hug. His face nuzzle over your neck, inhaling your familiar scent that he surely missed so much.

He closed his eyes and tighten his hug even more. He can’t help but to feel too overwhelmed. He didn’t realize how much he missed you until he sees you standing outside their practice room, waiting patiently for their break time.

You pull off from the hug chuckling then cupped his face. He stared lovingly at you and it made your heart beat fast.

“I missed you.” he says and his eyes trailed down to your lips.

You smirked, “I missed you more, ace of Enhypen.”

His cheeks turned red and it didn’t slip from your eyes making you laugh. Did you just made the Lee Heeseung blush? He groaned and placed a quick kiss at your neck before nuzzling once again.

“I’m so proud of you.” you mumbled and Heeseung’s felt so contented that very moment.

He’s just starting to achieve his dreams, but he knows as long as he have you he can do it. He don’t know what he will do if he lose you.

He pulls away again and this time cupped your face, “I love you. Thank you for supporting me.” he says sincerely then slowly leaned in to give you a kiss on your lips.

Your heart tugged and blushed so hard. The feeling was overwhelming for you. Having him hugging you like this sends comfort to you. It somehow makes you forgot about your troubles. It made you forget about it even just for a while.

“I love you, Hee.”

He smiled satisfied. “I heard you’re training with (band name)?”

Just the mention of the band’s name almost made you lose your smile, good thing you managed to hold it. The excitement through his eyes tells you that he have no idea how awful your situation was.

You gave a short nod, his smile even grew wider if possible before he leaned and placed a kiss over your forehead following it with encouraging words of, “You can do it, love. We’ll debut together.”

After that catching up moment with him, he started to become busy. You understand and already saw this coming. The only time you can talk to him is when you see each other at the company, which is not that often, and when he’s not that tired after training. Sometimes, he still try to talk to you despite the long day but you force him to get some rest instead. At times like this, rest is his top priority.

Months pass by and their debut finally came. It was very succesful and you are very happy for him. He deserve it.

While things go smoothly with Heeseung, yours become very hard. Its like you just go to trainings just to get scolded and you go to the dorms to overthink. You are restless, both physically and mentally. Right now, you don’t even know if you can make it. You are trying your best, but you just don’t know where you lack.

“Did you watch our stages?” you can almost vision his big smiles through the phone call.

You wiped off your tears and tried not to be too obvious. Heeseung called while you’re breaking down inside the dorms. He finally had the free time and didn’t want to let the opportunity to talk to his girlfriend pass. He misses you so much and he feels like even if you two texts and calls often, it wasn’t enough. He can feel that a lot of things are going on with you, but you only say a few things to him.

“Y-Yes, baby.” you answered.

You bit your lower lip to stop it from shaking.

“Hey, are you okay?” his worried tone snapped you back to reality.

‘Shit’ you cursed inside your head before inhaling and calming yourself down.

“Of course. My throat is just a little itchy that’s why my voice is strained and I have a cold.” you lied.

You heard him sighed, “Love, I told you to take extra care on yourself right?” his tone sounded so sweet and caring that you felt a lump over your throat. A lot of words that wanted to come out, but you chose not to say them. Right now, he has a lot on his hands and you don’t want to add on them.

“I w-will. Thank you, baby. Please take care too.”

He drawns in a sigh, “Surely. I’ll see you when we have free time.”

Both of you bid goodbye before he finally end the call. You cried more that night and the next day, you are back on training.

Time flies so fast. Months passed by already and Heeseung’s group is already making a name on the kpop world. It was crazy. You are happy for him, but you’re so sad for yourself.

Tonight, a day in september, you are called in over to the office hall. The same room where they called you in to announce that you will debut with that group.

“Y/n.” Ms. Kim calls.

Her and her team that was formed for the group were the ones in here. Probably having a meeting for the new group since their debut is coming so fast. The whole stuff are all planned already.

“Yes, Miss?” you are very nervous, but a little hopeful.

You knew you did your best for the past months. You worked hard to earn the position. Even after getting sick, you still try to attend practices and trainings.

“Listen,” she says and gradually glanced away before reaching over your hand to caress it softly.

Your heart sanks at that. Somehow you already know what’s there to come. Slowly, you can feel your chest tightens and your brain being clouded by a lot of thoughts. You couldn’t response at her at all, but you kept your eyes at her.

“You did so well holding up until now. I know you went through a lot and I am proud you made it this far.” she started and you can see through her eyes that she feels so bad to announce to you the news.

“I’m very sorry honey, but I’m afraid you can’t debut with the group.” her words echoes through your mind like a broken radio. You already expected it but to hear it from her just hits different. It was like being hit by a truck and then get run over by another vehicle. It was dreadful and you can feel your whole body almost giving up. If it weren’t for her hug that she suddenly gave you.

“You did so well, Y/n. Totally.”

When she pulled away, you gave her a soft small smile. Of course it was unsincere so you clearly see the worry over her eyes. You bowed slowly.

“T-Thank you for t-taking good c-care of me.” and it almost made her cry.

You didn’t cried at all while saying good-bye to the staff you used to work with. They are a bit teary tho, and they have a small hint of pity over them.

You head straight to the dorms to pack some of your stuff. It was vacant because the girls are back at the company for their practice. You are silent and still didn’t shed any tear yet. You are feeling awful, but seems like your eyes are tired of shedding any tears.

The silence were broken by a faint chime of from your phone, a text message was sent. Your head craned at your side to look at it. The familiar nickname of your boyfriend can be seen, he sent you loads of messages. Looks like the news made it to him as well. As far as you know, he’s busy now preparing for another comeback.

Your eyes were just staring at the phone until its screen turns off. Seconds later, it opened again and this time you are receiving a call from Heeseung.

“Hello?” you tried saying.

From the other line, you can hear him gasping for air, like as if he ran a marathon or something.

“Baby,” he started. “where are you? Are you at the dorms? I’m outside of your building. I want to see you.”

You almost stumble on your own feet while hurrying to go down and meet the only person that can give you comfort. Once you made it on the groundfloor and straight out of the building, there you saw him standing by the side. He’s wearing a black hoody, sweats, a cap and a mask. Since this building is exclusive, its pretty safe for the two of you to meet here.

You slowly walked towards him and he meet you half way. He took off his mask and once you’re out of his reach, he quickly caged you into a tight embrace.

There. That was what you’re waiting for. The hug was like the one that pulled the trigger for you to release everything you are keeping to yourself. Tears flows nonstop, cries whales that broke Heeseung’s heart. He shut his eyes, getting teary as well as he placed a kiss at the top of your head while trying to comfort you.

“It’s okay, baby. Just let it all out. I’m here.” he mumbles and caress your back while you continue to cry.

Heeseung can’t explain how this scene made him feel. You are crying so bad and this is the very first time he saw you like this. He didn’t like it in one bit.

“It h-hurts so bad, Hee.” you says drawing in a much bigger breath because you can feel your lungs pressing uncomfortably due to crying so hard.

Heeseung cups your face, “I know baby. I know.” he cares it using his thumbs and stared at your eyes lovingly, his eyes expresses how he mourn with you.

“I love you so much, baby. I’m just here for you.” and pulls you in another big hug.

“D-Don’t you have practice?”

He quickly shuts off the topic about him, “Don’t worry about it, I can just stay a bit more. You’re more important right now.”

You want so bad to make him go back to his practice but you know you also need him here by your side. For once, you chose to be selfish and make him stay with you.

You nuzzle over his chest, tears still streaming. “I love you so much, Heeseung. Thank you for being here with me right now.” and he didn’t say a single word. Just a kiss at the top of your head as he cages you inside his warm embraces hoping it somehow ease the pain.

A lot changed right after you got removed from the debut line up. You lost your will to be a trainee or even attend any lessons. The effect it left was undeniably impactful. The people close with you felt so bad and doesn’t really know how to help you cheer up.

Heeseung too. Juggling both his career and his relationship with you was not easy at all for the rookie ace. Giving up any of it didn’t became an option tho. No matter how hard it is, he always made sure he will still have time for you. He understands what you’re going through. It was hurting and breaking him to see you like this. The fact that he felt like you are slipping off was so much painful.

“Hi, love.” your lifeless eyes darted at Heeseung when he enters your dorm. He was wearing this big smile while holding some take-outs.

After placing it on the table, he walks closer and quickly pulls you in for a hug. Your eyes can’t help but to notice his newly bleached hair. You don’t know what exactly to feel about it. You should be happy for your boyfriend, since his group is slowly becoming known to the whole world. He’s obviously doing very well. As expected from the Lee Heeseung.

He pulls out from the hug and tilts his head to catch your eyes. You flash him a small smile, quickly pushing away the negative look on your eyes after meeting his.

“How are you today?” he asks, curiously.

‘Terrible.’ you wanted to answer, but stopped yourself from doing so. He may seem like he’s full of energy and all, but you are aware that he’s very tired. Amused at how he can still be here despite the busy schedule, you can’t help but to scan him with your eyes. Heeseung noticed your tired eyes and opens his mouth. He’s about to ask you, but somehow he already knows what you’ll say. He figured you still don’t want to talk about it yet.

“I’m doing fine. How about you?” you tried to sound as much cheerful as you want to, but you’re sure you failed.

“Good. Just a little tired.” his eyes settled at you, looking so affectionate.

His hands snakes over your waist and you felt your heart beat fast. Heeseung never changed, if there’s something that change maybe it was that he became even more sweet and honestly its making you feel guilty. Even if he don’t say it, you know you’ve been neglecting him.

You ran your hands from his arms towards his biceps over to his shoulder before locking your hands behind his nape, pulling your bodies closer to each other. You stared at him as a playful smirk plays over his pretty lips, his eyes softens even more with your initiation of skinship. He missed this.

“I’m so proud of you.” you whispered sincerely making his eyes be filled with so much love.

His hand squeezed your waist a bit before one raised to cup your face, “I’m very proud of you as well, love.” and he leaned in to seal it with a loving kiss at your lips.

Your eyes shuts as the bitter feeling slowly creep towards your chest, poisoning your mind with guilt for a lot of things. Those words he told you, even if he’s sincere about it you are the one who can’t accept any of it. It was painful rather than comforting. You wanted so bad to take it in, convince yourself that you are worthy of it, but always ends up resenting yourself even more.

You two spent the night together. He was so happy being with you and you tried to enjoy the moment as well. The problem was clearly not him, it was you. You are punishing yourself.

Days, weeks continued the same. You are lifeless and with no will already. It was evident with the people you train with. Sometimes you hear them talk.

“Isn’t she suppose to debut with (band name)? What happened?” one whispers while you pretend to continue filling your glass with water.

“I heard that she was not good enough and that she’s ruining the group’s image so they took her out.”

The words stung, but the memories that comes after was the one that broke you. With no words, you exits the room and went straight to a bathroom stall to once again cry, hoping it will somehow take some of this awful feelings away. But no. They don’t go away, they even get worst. You know you need to get away, you need to do something.

“Y/n,” the admin assigned for the trainee looked at you with worry.

You tried flash her a smile. “Please let me do this. I...” your words got stuck over your throat as you stall with your sentence. “..don’t think I can continue anymore. I’m very sorry.”

You lower your head, afraid to see more disappointed look from people. Silence ate the two of you and nobody dares to talk for a while before you felt her pulling you into a hug. It made you tear up, but you pursed your lips to keep those unwanted cries to come out.

“I’m sorry too, darling.” she mumbled and then pats your back before pulling away.

“Okay, you can go. But remember that if ever your mind changes, you are welcome to come back.”

You gave her a nod, but the idea of coming back to this place was not even playing through your mind. You bid good bye to some of the trainees you’re close with before heading towards your dorms to go pack your things. While doing it, your mind always get clouded by the thought of forgotting something.

It's been a week ever since you last saw Heeseung and you are avoiding him as well because you wanted to think throughly of this situation. Your phone was off too the whole day. Your heart aches just by thinking of him. You love Heeseung, you love him so much but right now you don’t know if you can love him well when you’re this broken. He doesn’t deserve to be neglected and so you planned to end what’s between you and him tonight too.

Your hand balled into a fist before you fished your phone and switched it open. The moment it was turned on, your chect tightens at the sight of Heeseung and you as your wallpaper. Both of you looked so happy, these was back to the days that its not yet so tough.

You jolted when the phone started to vibrate and his name flash on your screen. A tear left your eye and your chest tightens. You can feel the pain was eating your whole system.

You threw your head back and shut your eyes for a while before trying to calm youself down. You don’t want to, but you know you have to face him sooner or later.

“H-Hello?”

“Baby! I couldn’t get a hold of you the whole day, I was worried sick. What happened?” you bit your lower lip as your heart swells in an uncomfortable way.

“N-Nothing. I’m sorry to worry you.” and for what will follow afterwards.

“Can you go down? I’m outside your dorm.” he still sounded so worried and after hearing what he said, your head cranes towards the windows. You’re too afraid to approach it and check if he was telling the truth. You don’t know if you’re ready to see him there, waiting for you like always.

Even if he’s not telling you, you are completely aware that deep down he wants to demand from you. Attention, time and affection. He wants all of it from you like before, but he’s just too nice to bother you with it. He knew you are going through something so he will just understand. He loves you too much that your presence is enough for him.

After heaving a sigh, trying to gather your thoughts so you’ll be ready to say it to him properly. You know it won’t make anything better. No matter how perfect you manage to say your thoughts towards him, you know it will hurt him big time.

Just thinking of him waiting outside hurts already, but seeing him right now was even painful. He cranes his head at your direction after hearing faint steps. His brows was a little furrowed out of worry and met you half way. His hands reached out for you to pull you closer to his touch, feeling impatient to cage you into an embrace. It felt warm, comforting like usual but it sends you guilt as well. You can’t keep up with this. You don’t want to keep feeling this way.

“I was so worried for you.” he muttered and soon pulls away so he can look at your face.

Heeseung was taken aback to see your bloodshot eyes. It was very obvious you cried and when he was about to ask you what’s going on, his mouth hang open. For the first time after the night he first saw you, he manages to see how broken you are. Your eyes looks so drained and tired, like as if hiding them was not enough already as well.

“Baby..” he calls softly.

You pursed your lips as it starts to shake, tears pools your eyes. “Let’s break up, Heeseung.”

Your words didn’t process right away. He stiffens as he stares at you blankly, doesn’t want to believe what he just heard from you.

“W-What?” he draws in a strained sigh, chest tightening. “What did you say?” his tone hesitant but he wants to hear it again. He’s hoping he heard it wrong, that you are just pranking him. That all of these are just a joke.

You swallowed, feeling a lump getting in between your throat. The pain was undescribable, it was uncomfy to bear and definitely much more worst than what you felt after getting kicked out from the group. It was crazy how that feeling was beaten. You don’t know such emotions exists.

“L-Let’s end this, Heeseung. I can’t keep going on like this.” you finished your line, the words practiced moments before were all thrown outside the window.

“N-No,” He blinks, eyes starting to water. His hold from you losen and his hands fell over his sides as he stare at you hopelessly. His adam's apple bobbed continuously, trying to swallow whatever that feeling that was in between his throat.

“You are just joking, right?” he tries to push back those tears back because there’s no way he’s losing you. Not right now.

“No, y/n. We can’t. Please, I love you. I’m trying hard, right? I’m doing my best to keep you, why..” his words trailed as he saw how you look dead tired and serious. He realized you are true to your words. That this isn’t just some prank. “...are you doing this? How can you give this up like this? How can you do that when I’m trying hard to fight?” he couldn’t help but to feel so betrayed right now. It was a bitter feeling he never imagined to feel from you.

You lowered your head, tears started to flow nonstop. “I’m s-so sorry,” were the only words you can tell him right now.

He stared at you, shoulders hanging low. A tear left his eyes. He wants to pull you closer to comfort you but he himself was hurting too much right now.

“I’m so tired. I can’t keep on disappointing people—”

“You aren't! Did I ever made you feel like that?! I try so hard not to upset or offend you, because I know how hard that must’ve been feel! I try to give you attention, give you love hoping it will somehow manage to ease the pain! I love you, y/n... so much! I’m always here for you and I will—”

“That’s the point, Hee!” you cut him off lifting your head to look at him straight in his eyes. Letting him see how miserable and broken you really are.

He pursed his lips, jaw clenching while looking at you silently.

“You are doing so well. Being an idol and being my boyfriend! I am very happy for you and very thankful that despite of my shortcomings you made me feel loved. You always make me feel worthy even if I’m such a disappointment.” he took a step closer and was about to talk, but you interrupted him.

“I tried to cover it all up. I tried to convince myself that its just a moment, a phase of my life and it will soon fade away if I tried to focus on the brighter things in my life. But no! Who am I fooling? The guilt is eating me up! The disappointment I was trying to bury behind my back was poisining me all the way in. It was killing me! It was silently ruining me and I can’t keep living with it because I'm so tired. I’m tired hearing things from other people how I’m not deserving of this...” your eyes slowly softens but soon replaced by bitterness as you stared at him, “... how I’m not deserving of you.”

Heeseung shakes his head, disagreeing. He wants to hold you but you stepped back, hurting him.

“I know you don’t think that way, but the problem here is not you. This is beyond your control, Heeseung. It was all on me. These are issues only I can fix. I’m so sorry, but I n-need to end what we have.”

Heeseung was looking at you silently, still couldn’t get over by the fact that you stepped away from his hold, from him. It was a scene not easy to forget.

“I will go back home to our province. I will stop training as well.”

This time Heeseung furrowed his brows hardly. Your eyes glanced away from him, can’t handle the way he stares at you this time.

“What...” he’s actually surprised at what more there is that you’ll reveal. He doesn’t know if he wants to be here to hear all of it, because it gets even worst.

He sighed heavily, calming himself before he face palms and lets out a big heavy sigh again.

“I can try so hard to understand you giving up us,” he starts that made you look at him. “..but you giving up your dreams? That I can’t understand.” he clenches his jaw, finally looking at you in disbelief.

You stayed silent. Letting him say those words at you. Letting you hear it and absorb it all just to match the pain that were already leaving inside of you.

“I will never understand and accept you giving up the dreams you’ve built with me. I was there when you dreamed of it and I know I wasn’t the only one who believed you can.” he steps closer that caught you off-guard so you didn’t have the chance to back away.

Heeseung grabs your hand and gave you a bouquet of your favorite flowers. Your heart cracks and sank seeing it, but after he said the following words, your whole heart crumbs.

“Here,” he says. “Happy Anniversary.” his voice was filled with nothing but pain and bitterness before he turned around then started walking away from you.

Your eyes settled at the pretty flowers as tears flows nonstop once again, bluring your vision. When you finally gather yourself and ready to call him out, he was all gone. Lee Heeseung, the man that you love left with a broken heart. The night felt colder and the painful memory carved something inside your heart. A permanent scar.

“Waah, Lee Heeseung really did make it.” your head shifts to your side and saw how the staffs around you watch him over the monitor with adoration through their eyes. A small smile made it to your face before you looked back to watch him once again.

“I’m so proud of you.” you mumbled to yourself and felt the corner of your eyes slowly burning just by getting reminded of how perfect he was for you.

You snapped back to reality when you heard your instructor clapping their hands. “Chop chop ladies! We need to finish the choreo because your debut is near.”

Without wasting any time, you stood up and went to your position. Your mind was filled with nothing but memories of Lee Heeseung. The happy and sad flashbacks through your mind as you dance to your debut song.

Yes, you went back on training after a couple of months. The company called you, announcing that they want you to be part of a debuting group. This time, you secured your spot and was already introduced as one of the members. The feedback was crazy and you couldn’t imagine that you are currently in this situation when it was hell a few months back.

It’s been seven months ever since that night. You haven’t called or texted him. He didn’t try to reach out as well. You can’t blame him tho. If that night was painful for you, I’m sure it was dreadful for him. You can see him doing well with his group. He’s already making a name and you’re not even surprised.

Whenever you watch him through the screen, your heart aches for two reason. One, because you’re very happy that he’s achieving all his goald. Two, because you miss him so much. You missed how good he was. You missed loving and caring he is towards you. You missed his goofiness, his sweet chuckles, his sweet smiles. You missed his expressive eyes that stares at you lovingly. You missed his tan skin, his warm hugs and sweet kisses. You missed everything about him, you missed Lee Heeseung.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to call him?” his manager looks at you with hopeful eyes, one day.

You approached him and ask if you can have Heeseung’s number. He was surprised to hear from you after a long time, but he was also excited. He knew that what happened between you and Heeseung affected the young ace. He may not show it, but something changed.

“No need, manager. I will just text him. I’m sure he’s busy with the preparation for their tour.” you gave him a short bow before waving him good-bye.

Your eyes dropped at the piece of paper he handed you. It’s Heeseung’s number. Their world tour will start next week and you will attend the opening day. You planned to ask him to meet you right after, if he’s willing to. Just by thinking about it, you can already feel your knees weakening. But you know you have to do this. You know you still love him so much and nothing changed with it. His feelings may already did, but you still want to try.

“Bye, Y/n! Goodluck! See you at the dorms.” one of your member waved and showed you a fighting gesture before they started walking off.

With both hands holding a paper bag, you tried to calm yourself down while waiting for Lee Heeseung to show up. You’ve texted him a couple of times already, but you received no replies to any of them. Tonight was day 1 of their Manifesto world tour. It was amazing, Lee Heeseung was amazing. You texted him that you’ll wait for him right here after their concert.

Your eyes grew a bit big as you waved nervously at the familiar person walking towards you.

“I’m happy you make time to meet me! How’s the first day of concert?” your smile was wide while you hold the gift you prepared for him. He walked closer, but not too close. He looked at you silently, roaming his eyes around your face.

Your heart aches at the sight of an unfamiliar eyes. He changed a lot, that’s for sure.

“It was fine.” he answered shortly. You pursed your lips, wanted not to spoil the mood.

“Congratulations to your tour!” tone a bit stretched out now. He nodded his head and his eyes trailed down to the gift you are holding.

“What are you really doing here, y/n?” he finally asked. you gulped and your hold to the paper bag tightens as you looked at him.

“I m-missed you.”

The silence that followed your words was deafening. He stared at you with blank eyes and then you saw how his jaw clenched. He draws in a sigh, calming himself.

“Look Y/n,” he starts. “I’m glad that you’re back on achieving your dreams, I really am. But that doesn’t mean we can go back to how we were before as well.” his tone was stern and cold that it pierced straight to your chest.

“Hee—”

“A lot already changed, Y/n. You broke me so bad that night that it took me a while to actually recover. I loved you, I was ready to fight for you no matter what, but you gave up. You gave us up.” your head hang low at his words.

“You will always have a place in my heart, Y/n. But I’m sorry, I don’t think I love you that way anymore.”

You raised your head and stared at his eyes. Your heart sank when you saw how he looked a bit hurt just by thinking about what happened in the past. You mentally cursed yourself for thinking of getting back with him. You shouldn’t even thought of talking to him.

You tried hard to flash him a smile as a tear fell from your eye. “I’m s-sorry, Heeseung.” you said and you saw how he teared his gaze away from you.

You licked your lips and sighed heavily, “I just want to say I’m very proud of you and that I love you.” and you stepped closer to place your gift not to far from him.

“I hope you’ll accept this. Its just supplements and vitamins to keep you healthy for the tour. Goodluck.” and you turned your heels to start walking away.

Your tears streamed continuously as you ride the car on your way back. The whole night, you cried yourself to sleep then the next day, you tried to busy yourself with trainings. Your members didn’t asked about it. After that day, you swore to yourself that you’ll focus on yourself and career. You will leave him alone because he's already doing good without you.

His tour started and you are happy to see him enjoying it so well.

On the other hand, your debut was a success. Fans loved you and it was the best feeling ever. Somehow it diverts your attention away from Heeseung. As his tour continuous, your promotion went on as well.

You are starting to get known around the country that you’ve been invited at some variety shows. Some fans even started shipping you with one of the artist from the same agency, Beomgyu from TXT. The two of you just laughs it off knowing that it won’t ever happen because he's good friends with your ex. He do loves to tease the fans, tho.

Months pass by and your group was given a chance to do a big show at Seoul. You are very overwhelmed and very happy. These are the moments you’d realized how worthy all the pain and hardships you went through. You lost some, but also gain a lot along the way.

“Again, this is (Band name)! Thank you so much!” and you all bowed altogether before exiting the stage happily, waving at the fans endlessly.

Behind the stage, you cheered together with them and took some photos to post at your social medias. On your way to the dressing room, your eyes looked at your phone when your phone buzzed for a text. It was Beomgyu. You two were hanging out around too much, lately.

“Y/n, I forgot to mention.” your manager starts. “Beomgyu is right by the parking lot behind. He’s waiting for you.”

You nodded and grabbed a jacket so you can go to him. Some of the members teased you that you just ignored before you went there to meet him. He was smiling widely when he saw you, opening his arms to ask for a hug. You laughed and quickly gave him an embrace.

“You did so well, Miss!” he said and smiled proudly.

You pursed your lips and thanked him. “I have a gift for you.” and he pulls off the hug excited and go behind the car.

“What? You don’t really have to—” your lips pouted when you saw a big bouquet of flowers. It was so pretty.

“Thank you, Beomgyu.” you said sincerely as you stare at it, mind starting to flow somewhere else. The scene kind of remind you of something, your heart can’t help but to ache.

“Read the card!” he snaps you back to reality and you chuckled then opens it.

‘Look behind you.’ your brows furrowed at the message, but slowly turned your head.

Your eyes grew big at the sight of Lee Heeseung walking closer. He’s wearing a hoodie, but you are so sure that it was him. Right, today was the day they came back from their tour. You didn’t even realized it. You can’t utter a single word while looking at him. When he stood right in front of you, that's when it finally sink in. He’s here. He’s in front of you. Lee Heeseung is here.

“Hi.” he greeted and smiled a little.

“H-Hello,” you stuttered.

Beomgyu laughs behind you and walks closer. He pats Heeseung’s shoulder before exiting himself.

“W-What...?” you can’t make up a sentence because you’re in a complete shock.

He cleared his throat, his adams apple moved out of nervous. He licked his lips and stared straight through your eyes.

“What are you doing here, Heeseung?” you finally managed to ask, confused and heart racing so fast at the same time.

He sighed, “I missed you too, Y/n. I missed you so much.”

—————

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