#vulcansmirk

[pumpkinpaix]

Hey, something I’ve been wondering since I first watched CQL: in ep 5, there’s a line where Wen Qing is talking to Wen Ning and says something like ‘Our family has been doctors for centuries, but I can’t cure my own brother’ (that’s verbatim from the US Netflix subtitles) and I’ve always wondered about that word, ‘cure’. As someone who lives with mental illness, I’m a little sensitive to the idea of a mental affliction being ‘cured,’ as though it’s a malady to be remedied, as though there’s something ‘wrong’ that can be ‘fixed’. The word ‘cure’ brings up all that discomfort for me, but I only know English, and I’m curious to know how accurate the concept of a ‘cure’ is to the actual conversation taking place there? I think a lot about the way neurodivergence is discussed in CQL, and I don’t want to misjudge connotation based on translation error.

hi there! so this ask is *checks* a month old yikes, but i’ve been thinking about it for a long time so here we go (finally)! :D

so here’s the scene in question:

[ID: two screenshots from episode 5 of the untamed. wen qing is speaking to wen ning. the subtitles read ‘我却治不了自己弟弟的病’ and ‘but i can’t cure my own brother’. /end ID]

with regards to your grammar/language question: 治 can mean both “to treat” and “to cure”. there are certain sentence constructions that can make it clear which it is, but not all of them do so.

for example, 治好 is definitely ‘to cure’ - the grammar there is [VERB + 好] can mean either “to finish VERBing” or “to VERB well”. so, to finish treating = to cure.

however, in this case, that’s not the construction that’s being used, and I would say it’s not clear-cut. “VERB + 不了” is “to be unable to VERB”. because 治 is ambiguous on its own, what she says here, “我却治不了自己弟弟的病”, comes down to “but I am unable to treat/cure my own younger brother’s illness”.

what I think is maybe a more complicated issue is the idea of mental illness and/or neurodivergence in CQL and how understandings of it impact our perceptions of the characters/narrative.

I’ve seen a lot of interpretations of Wen Ning’s affliction in CQL to be neurodivergence, but I’m actually quite surprised when I hear this. i believe the illness wen qing and wei wuxian refer to when talking about wen ning is his susceptibility/weakness towards resentful/yin energy, which manifests in fainting spells and long bouts of unconsciousness. to me, that is not analogous to mental illness or neurodivergence so much as something like epileptic episodes brought on by exposure to specific triggers. by CQL canon, we know that he has not always had this -- he contracted the illness after his encounter with the guanyin statue that sucked away part of his soul when he was a child, and this now gives him a weak constitution and makes him largely unsuitable for night hunting, especially unsupervised. this is what wen qing is trying to treat and/or cure. in mdzs, he does not have this condition, and wen qing never mentions anything about trying to treat or cure him at all.

given that this condition is most likely a creation for the sake of getting around censors at least in part (basically: a way to create a reason for why wen ning isn’t “dead” -- in addition, probably was also meant to increase wen sibs screentime/sympathy), I’ve always seen it as a bit of a handwavy physical condition that was tacked on as opposed to an actual statement about his character, if that makes sense.

in general, I’m hesitant to outright assign labels of neurodivergence or mental illness to mdzs/cql characters because I think that labels like that are inherently societally and culturally dependent. with the rise of identity politic rhetoric in the US and all of that kind of getting tangled up with our conceptions of being ND or mentally ill, I worry about trying to analyze mdzs/cql through such a lens because identities are so inextricably tied to environment. even if both i and a character could be “diagnosed” with the same condition, I think it would be undeniable that our experiences of such would be very different because we come from different cultural backgrounds. not just, chinese author vs american reader but like, fantastical xianxia chinese conception of a character vs chinese-american conception of identity.

alskdjfl idk if this even makes sense, but!! basically, I actually don’t think that CQL discusses or really portrays neurodivergence at all, not in such terms. I think it’s completely appropriate and valid to headcanon and interpret characters in ways that resonate with you! i certainly do, lol (morally scrupulous twin jades anyone? :D 🥃), but im nervous about asserting that any CQL characters actually are/have xyz condition because I don’t think that a discussion on that front is particularly meaningful. I know that this hesitance comes both from my own views on what neurodivergence/mental illness mean and how useful those terms actually are, and also from a very personal anger over some moral injunctions that I’ve seen people place on portraying characters’ “real” or “coded” mental states that are seriously misguided, harmful, and extremely culturally american in their claims (that will probably be a separate post though lol).

that isn’t to say there isn’t value in thinking about how one can interpret characters in one way or another, or that there isn’t value in discussing how unintentionally, a character might fall into archetypes that evoke certain identities and how that subtext might or might not impact a person’s experience or takeaway from the media! but I think all of that has to be contextualized as opposed to generalized. /o\

this.... came out a lot less coherent than i wanted it to be, but my brain is Not having it for some reason. I hope that I at least managed to answer your question/help you along in your continuing thought process!!! :D

(ko-fi)

[mitsususu]

Kissing the old year out, kissing the new year in. Let’s watch the old year die with a fond goodbye! Below are my Top 5 Favorite stories:

"Let’s Start the New Year Right” (NR, 1k) by Scout924

“People don’t go to parties to talk, Stevie,” Bucky says, leaning forward, his hands on his knees and a gleam of mischief in his eyes. “They go to neck in the closet in the back bedroom.”

A good ol' fashioned tale of friends teaching friends how to kiss a girl.

+ Pre War. Bucky and Steve dance at home and have a first kiss

-☆-

“Truths Written on Our Skin” (T, 1k) by giselleslash

Steve and Bucky spend a quiet New Year's Eve together in bed making resolutions to one another.

+ Post WS. New Years Resolutions and a whole lot of love. 

-☆-

“New Year, New You” (T, 2k) by vulcansmirk

A lot can change in a year (or eighty), but some things never do.

+ Pre War and Post WS. Bucky is so in love with Steve. A first kiss pre-war and another kiss after he remembers.

-☆-

“Slainte mhaith” (M, 1k) by Speranza

Musesfool asked for Dec 31st: "Any New Year's Eve traditions for Steve and Bucky? Then? Now?" This ficlet is for her! Unbetaed and speed-written but from the heart. Happy 2019!

+ Pre-War to Post WS. Bucky spends all his New Year Eves with Steve. After Project Insight, that doesn’t change. 

-☆-

“Final Countdown” (G, 4k) by orphan_account

Bucky's quiet break didn't include chatty neighbours in the warnings- but maybe that's because there's nothing to be warned about.

+ Modern AU. Bucky is taking it easy and spends New Year’s on a lake by himself (with a surprise guest). Atmospheric and calming after this hectic year. 

-☆-

+ And don’t forget the delightful Modern AU from the Holiday Sampler list!

[lanwuxianz]

“I have a jiang cheng getting pegged agenda and I am not ashamed” fucking SAME DUDE FUCK

IT’S WHAT HE NEEDS AND DESERVES.

[wangjl]

i love absolutely literally everything about that lwj pantun gifset. i learned about a new (to me) kind of poetry, and then i got to see it remixed in such a creative way, and all in the context of a fucking gut-wrenching cross section of one of my favorite characters of all time.......... seriously the level of both thought and skill that went into that is fucking amazing. brilliant. spectacular. i feel so blessed just to pay witness to it. thank you and congrats friend 🖖🏻❤️

OWGHGUEHGOWHFUGHWY 🥺🥺🥺 THANK YOU

[lukeskywalkrearchive]

1, 4, 14, 16, 19, 24 !!

YAY THANK YOU for sending these!!

1. Tell us about your current project(s) - what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?

the project i SHOULD be working on is my novel (though i haven’t been doing a whole lot of writing in it lately; most of my writing has been in other random fun things no one will see), which is a futuristic(ish) sci-fi romp about a cyborg who doesn’t know she’s a cyborg (kestrel), a human who gets drawn into helping her (rowan), and a powerful person (ARE they a person??) who manages to start a robot apocalypse. 

there’s way more to it than that, of course - for instance, my cyborg was created as a military weapon to fight militarized robots, but she doesn’t know that at the point the story starts - but i recently did an overhaul of my first draft because it really didn’t feel like the right direction to take even the beginning of the story.

i love the characters the most, which is a pretty common theme for me. characters are always what drive my story. i especially love rowan and kestrel’s relationship. they develop this very specific bond, the kind of found-family, tight-knit closeness and trust that only comes from surviving something terrible together and only being able to rely on each other. they are soulmates in a very particular kind of way, and it takes them a while to realize that. i’m really excited to write it all out

(the rest of the answers under the cut, bc lawd knows i’m gonna type too much)

4. Share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)

i have 2 sentences:

Cassiel is his only stopping point, the only arrest to his momentum, draped in pearl and watching him with a gaze the only shade of blue he ever seems to drown in. 

He keeps watching them even as he’s kicked into the hole, no longer an angel, not really anything else, and thinks about wax wings and burning as he free-falls out of the only place he’s ever known, unable to muster up any feelings aside from Good riddance.

the lines came from a series of oneshots about one of my characters that i wrote as a challenge to myself. each one is focused on a color (this one is white) because i usually write in a very grounded way, not particularly poetic or flower but rather more about actions, and these were meant to be written in that flowery way. i like these lines in particular because i feel like they encapsulate a really nice, specific combination of description and emotion and i’m proud of how they come across.

14. At what point in writing do you come up with a title?

it really depends on the story. sometimes i will write the whole thing without coming up with something. i have a lot of placeholder titles using song lyrics or parts of a poem (a habit i formed from reading fanfiction titles, lol) that i then make a title from, and sometimes i just throw words at it and see what sticks. i have a story called “reasons why handcuffs are not ricky’s kink” because it starts off with ricky getting handcuffed to someone at a party, but it’s not really kinky at all, and it’s about their relationship rather than any smut or whatever, but i needed a title for my google doc. then there are other stories i figure out a title for really early on and i manage to stick to it. tl;dr it really depends on the story and how many ideas i have at the beginning, and if/how much the story changes along the way

16. Tried anything new with your writing lately? (style, POV, genre, fandom?)

honestly not really. the only really new thing i guess i could say i have is a kirkspock fic i barely started a handful of months ago? i always got really intimidated by writing spock bc i’ve read a LOT of ks fics and people are so incredibly talented and specific and i didn’t want to do it wrong. i haven’t made very much progress (i have 1 page so far) but i’d like to try! i have mostly only written stevebucky so i hope to finish it eventually.

19. Is there something you always find yourself repeating in your writing? (favourite verb, something you describe ‘too often’, trope you can’t get enough of?)

oh my god. always. i feel like when i write i forget 80% of my vocabulary. if i can read all the words and understand them, why do they never come to mind when i’m writing?? i’m definitely a culprit of the like, “the ghost/echo of a smile” on someone’s face a lot, probably also “a flush creeps up his neck,” and plenty more. i think there are descriptions i wind up recycling in most things i write. i usually know when i’m using whatever it is that i use it a lot but hopefully even though i repeat myself they’re far enough away to not be noticeable!

24. Would you say your writing has changed over time?

1000%. i have definitely learned a lot from reading such a wide variety of people’s writing styles and finding choices i wanted to emulate or things i wanted to do better in my own writing. i am constantly learning and trying to improve, and though it’s hard to explain exactly how, i can definitely tell my writing is getting better. i improved my dialogue tenfold when i took a playwriting class, too, and really learned about how dialogue should feel natural. it helped me in how it felt to write dialogue alongside making the dialogue sound better.

ask me about writing!

[pencap]

the end does not always arrive with the crash of a thunderstorm.  there are no screaming winds           and no rain to drown your sorrow.  no lightning rips the sky in half. no stars plummet out of the night.   sometimes, when it all ends the battlefield is empty. the cannons are silent. the grenade never burst.  the bullets are still sleeping in the gun.   sometimes,  you skip the blaze of a wildfire      tearing down a hundred years of growth. you skip the supernova and the volcano. you just end with the ashes:      nothing but leftover pieces,      too small to hold in your hands,      fluttering away in the wind.   and all you have left is scattered dust on the ground, not enough even to bury–      only enough to disappear      like it was never there.   sometimes,  it just

ends ( j.p. ) 

[cardiamachina]

Everyday, a war is waged to keep you, and time takes the first shot everytime. It's a battle waged from the moment I open my eyes until I close them again. Time takes from me with every fleeting second. Yesterday, I lost the smell of sea salt in the air. The day before, I lost the feeling of newspaper between my fingers. Somewhere in the distant past, I lost the melody to what was supposed to be the most beautiful song in the universe. I sweep my fingers through my mind, only to find I have been wiped clean. Time. What silent thievery you do. Today, it tries to take you, and god did I fight. I gritted my teeth. I recited your name over and over again until it's a song in my head and a scream in my throat. I held on to a fragment of a shard of a glint of a memory. 'Not his eyes'. 'Not his voice'. 'Not his touch'. In the end, I sacrifice the brightest night sky I had ever seen. Time gladly takes it, and like Lucifer in the garden, slithers away for the day. Tomorrow, I give it my mother's red dress. The day after, I give it Coney Island. But not you. Never you. Everyday, a war is waged to keep you. And everyday, I fight.

The Most Important Battles are the Silent Ones. Seventy Years of Sleep, nikka ursula (n.t)

[sorrowingsoldier]

— alucinor 12.16 (s.s.)

[superrman]

wrenji-und-steeb replied to your post “SO YOUR GIRL JUST INTO GRAD SCHOOL! LIKE MY FIRST CHOICE GRAD SCHOOL!...”

WOOHOO! Congrats on Grad School! That’s so amazing. Happy for you! :-D

Thank you so much <3333333333333333333333333 I still can’t believe it tbh <3

vulcansmirk replied to your post “SO YOUR GIRL JUST INTO GRAD SCHOOL! LIKE MY FIRST CHOICE GRAD SCHOOL!...”

NICE

RIGHT?!

agent-084 replied to your post “SO YOUR GIRL JUST INTO GRAD SCHOOL! LIKE MY FIRST CHOICE GRAD SCHOOL!...”

CONGRATS.

THANK YOU FRIEND!

steverogiers replied to your post “SO YOUR GIRL JUST INTO GRAD SCHOOL! LIKE MY FIRST CHOICE GRAD SCHOOL!...”

CONGRATULATIONS THATS SO AMAZING������

Thank you kristyn!!!!!!! I am really still so surprised this happened! ♥♥♥♥♥

fullcirclecrazy replied to your post “SO YOUR GIRL JUST INTO GRAD SCHOOL! LIKE MY FIRST CHOICE GRAD SCHOOL!...”

yay!

Thank you!

smoakingtardis replied to your post “SO YOUR GIRL JUST INTO GRAD SCHOOL! LIKE MY FIRST CHOICE GRAD SCHOOL!...”

IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!

Thank you so much Brittany <3 

sorrowingsoldier replied to your post “SO YOUR GIRL JUST INTO GRAD SCHOOL! LIKE MY FIRST CHOICE GRAD SCHOOL!...”

OMG PLS TELL ME ABOUT IT

I am going to spam you about everything Syd!

patrick-dempsey replied to your post “SO YOUR GIRL JUST INTO GRAD SCHOOL! LIKE MY FIRST CHOICE GRAD SCHOOL!...”

CONGRATS!!!!

Thanks Chantal really <3 

macbcths replied to your post “SO YOUR GIRL JUST INTO GRAD SCHOOL! LIKE MY FIRST CHOICE GRAD SCHOOL!...”

HELL FUCKIN YEAH

Right?! HELL FUCKING YEAHHHHHHH

[darter-blue]

Hello, I am quite new to the fandom so would you mind rec-ing me some fics, please? Including yours, too, if you will? Thank you. ❤️

Oh hi hi nonnie!!!!!!

New to the fandom? Welcome welcome!!

as for some fic recs, let me give you some of my favourites:

Okay - 

If your feeling epic:

Infinite Coffee and Protection Detail by @vmohlere​ - my first real foray into the fandom and probably one of the greatest stories I have ever read (published or no) special mention to ‘the olds’ - they are absolutely beautiful.

There Is No Shortage of Blood by alby_mangroves, Dira Sudis (dsudis) - oh boy did this fic get under my skin. An amazing journey through Bucky’s recovery

For the smut:

Rhapsody in Pink by the1918 (@the1918 )- Recovery through sex, beautiful characterisation and language.

Give a Little, Take a Little by notlucy - Gorgeous exploration of BDSM dynamics and catching feelings

Pressure by darter_blue - (ignore that its me lol) shrunkyclunk kinks with underlying plot and relationship dynamics 

Sergeant Barnes and Colonel Rogers: A Love Story by darter_blue (me again) Daddy kink and Shrunkyclunks and lots of feels (and some alternate timeline fix it)

Collar Full of Chemistry by 2bestfriends - This is a sugar baby bucky fic - I actually really liked the characterisations (mostly) and its a really interesting exploration of this dynamic.

For the Fluff/ Humour:

Wanna Feel the Heat With Somebody by 2bestfriends - I love this, a/b/o but soft and the characterisation is perfection. Soft Bucky. Caretaker Steve. Gorgeous

Sparked Up Like a Book of Matches by Sena - Brilliantly understated humor, amazing dialogue and characterisation.

Push The Button by Kalee60 (@kalee60) - Disaster Bucky and Sweet clueless Steve - perfect Shrunkyclunks. 

Scents and Sensibility: The Working Assassin's Guide to Supersoldier Seduction by galwednesday, silentwalrus, skellerbvvt - this is a/b/o done a little differently, but the language and the unfolding relationship and the characterisation are to die for.

Define Your World by Kalee60 - Hilarious and hot and perfect

[Bucky is typing] by darter_blue - (me, sorry) This is one of my favourites of mine, Shrunkyclunks, funny and fun.

How to Survive a Reality TV Dating Show...Without Really Trying by katietonks (@buckyandthejets) gorgeous guilty pleasure fic - so fun and so many feels

The Way I Feel For You by Becassine (@becassine) - fake dating a/b/o and so soft and warm (some angst, still a WIP)

For the Angst:

Goodbye Piccadilly, Farewell Leicester Square by Speranza - timetravel done so well. And all the stucky feels

to memory now I can't recall by Etharei - absolutely beautifully written, so intricately woven. Love this piece. 

Effects of Obliteration by geneticallydead - This is Stucky Perfection.

i don't want to set the world on fire by NoStringsOnMe (@martelldoran ) - Endgame fix it, Natasha written beautifully. Plot to die for. Love this

it's not like a tree (when the roots have to end) by ixalit - Probably one of the most intensely beautiful things I’ve ever read. Bonus points for WW2 angst

a road less traveled by Claudia_flies, cyclamental art (cyclamental), maichan, zilia - oh for the endgame fix it fics. the alternate timeline saviours. the masters of healing hearts. I love everything about this fic.

For the Recovery:

Yet Unconquered by eyres - I love the way this story unravels like a mystery. The way Bucky’s recovery is treated a really unique and fascinating way. And always bonus points for Nomad Steve :)

But We Can Try by hetrez - My notes on this are literally just, really beautiful.

My Dear by vulcansmirk - Sweet recovery fic

(my hair) Through your fingertips by darter_blue - (yep, me again) The start of Bucky’s recovery, knowing his love for Steve is his salvation

For Evanstan:

I Really Can't Stay (Baby, It's Cold Outside) by musette22, paperstorm (@musette22 , @paper-storm) love this for the christmas feels and the setting and the hallmark done right trope

(baby won’t you please) run your fingers through my hair by luninosity (@luninosity) I love this characterisation and relationship dynamic

can you feel my heart beating, underneath these stars? by ixalit (@ixalit ) Just beautifully written and so soft

So that's not a wholly comprehensive list. I have more I love, more that are guilty pleasures, but these are my top faves, and what I would recommend to a newbie. Also please look up these authors for some absolute quality stucky:

@thegodswife

@hanitrash

@howdoyousleep3

@trekchik

@wintersoldier1989

@dreadlockholiday

@greyhavensking

@maddiewritesstucky

@thewaythatwerust

@its-tortle

There's so much more out there nonnie!! Time to dig in and start making your own list bby 😘😘

[wonderfan7]

I have some fic recs where Spock splits into his human and Vulcan self. 

The Sum of Its Parts by williamspockspeare. A Spirk fic set in the Original Series. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18796702/chapters/44598604

Lyre, Lyre by vulcansmirk (7ofnah). Spirk fic tagged both TOS and AOS. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1669469  It is a oneshot.

Nothing By Halves by therev. Spones fic set in the Original Series. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7358389  It is a oneshot.

The Double Spock by vulcankirkspock. Spirk fic set in the AOS universe. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12110796  It is also a oneshot.

I will one day make some large masterlists. But today is not that day. For now I am just rec’ing fics. So if I happen to find more, I’ll reblog this again. Happy fic reading everyone!

[fancytrek]

tag 6 people you want to get to know better!!

tagged by: @spockshocked 😋 hell yesss thank u

last song: beggin by måneskin 😤😫

currently reading: if you count rereading the first paragraph of sharing the sunlight by jenna sinclair and resigning myself to reading the rest tomorrow, then sharing the sunlight by jenna sinclair LOL

currently watching: parks and recreation 😁 one of my big comfort shows

currently craving: extra sharp cheddar cheese on ritz crackers. no joke. we only have medium cheddar in this house. help. and also apple juice

tagging @jjaegermeister @twakiju2 @axelastralis @vulcansmirk @marlinspirkhall and @federations 😌

[pencap]

goodbye, hero mine.  i will watch you walk away now without complaint or anger or resentment. after all, hero mine,  you were never mine to hold,  and you will never be mine to hate.  you are too sweet for lips like mine to taste,  and you are too sad for hearts like mine to carry. i'm sorry that i was too greedy.  i'm sorry that i forgot you are not here      to be grasped by my hands      or called by my voice. hero mine, i will take your rejection as a gift. i will give you a smile in return as a gift for you,       if you want it      if you will take it. thank you for making this goodbye as sweet                   and serene                                        as it is.

i’m sorry for asking what was never mine ( j.p. ) || napowrimo #12  rejection, smile, serenity for @gendac

[vulcansmirk]

7ofnah >> vulcansmirk

i just couldn’t stay away. i am vulcansmirk and vulcansmirk is me

[sorrowingsoldier]

vulcansmirk replied to your post: My beef with a certain movie is that she’s a...

idk what movie you’re talking about but nonetheless i fucking feel you my dude…… i’m so sorry you feel so overlooked. it’s not right. it’s complete racist bullshit. and the more “”“harrowing”“” movies with white leads i see the more i think we manufacture drama to feel special while oppressed peoples actually have reason to feel challenged in life. i mean obvs life is a struggle no matter what but also like. stop glorifying the struggles of privilege jesusfuck  i just read a guardian article about this actually. talking about how hollywood hides behind the guise of the underdog when actually many of its heroes are just aristocracy in disguise. and now they don't even do us the courtesy of pretending. the heroes are just always white rich royalty or whatever the fuck. never real people with real problems. just the same old shit we've seen before. [trump voice] sad

yes to all of this!! and it’s I, Timothy cause like... she actually walked the red carpet and is probably getting paid for the movie despite being a criminal that seriously hurt someone but ya know us poc can’t even get cast to play members of our own culture

[ao3feed-stucky]

by vulcansmirk

A study in getting lost and finding your way back.

(Endgame (hah????) Steve/Bucky)

Words: 2719, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Captain America (Movies)

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death

Categories: M/M

Characters: Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes, Sam Wilson (Marvel), Peggy Carter, Thor (Marvel), Bruce Banner, Shuri (Marvel), T'Challa (Marvel), Wanda Maximoff, Natasha Romanov (Marvel)

Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes & Sam Wilson, Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers

Additional Tags: Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Fix-It, Slow Burn, Canonical Character Death, Time Travel, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Hurt/Comfort