#wait. yes it do. someone remind me to swap out what I wrote for tomorrow

[an-absolute-travesty]

Secret Santa fic!

Heya @all-eternity it was me all along! I hope you enjoy this :) very much looking foward to actually being able to follow you after this without looking sketchy lmao

Also shoutout to my lovely beta reader @keepersandqueens as if I don’t talk about Salas enough here lol

Warnings: underage drinking, drinking in general, hangover, drugs/medication mention (not abused, basic over the counter stuff dw), mentions of vomit (not described)

Pairings: Kam, background marelinh, ex titz

About: Kam coffee shop college au 

Word count: 5,205

Tag list (tell me if you want to be added or removed): @cadence-talle @ruewen-and-rising @lemontarto @a-lonely-tatertot @clearlyvacksen @percabetn @sewersewersewercouch @everyonehasthoughts @imaramennoodle @enbies-and-felonies @blxckh0les42​ @rainbowtay-11 @callas-starkflower-stew @impostertamsong @appalyneinstitute1 @stars-and-splendor @anna-without-an-e @mistythegenderqueermess @we-have-no-bananas-today @we-wont-dissapear @jadenightthewriter

Tam stumbled into his first 8 am class, anxiety making his heart feel like it was pounding out of his chest and stomach doing backflips.

If he could survive bouncing between foster homes, a short stint at juvie, and worst of all high school, he could survive college.

Well he thought he could until he saw a familiar person right next to the only available chair in the room.

God fucking damn it.

"Hey Bangs Boy!" Keefe waved him down, causing a scene. Tam had no option but to sit beside him, both because of the lack of chairs and the fact that everyone was now staring at him.

Not a great start.

"What a coincidence! I notice you still haven't taken my suggestions on your hair, I'm telling ya' you'd get all the girls and or guys and nonbinary pals with a man bun." Keefe looked smug at the fact he'd be able to taunt Tam for another semester, minimum. Tam was already making a mental note to check when he could swap out of classes.

"Keefe, if I knew you were going here I would've just gotten myself back in jail, oh wait, you were the one who got me in there in the first place." Tam shot him a look, praying that he'd suddenly develop superpowers and shoot lasers from his eyes.

"Hey, just because I came up with the idea...and helped with some of the execution, doesn't mean I'm responsible for you trashing your parents house. Besides, you were only in there for like 3 days max before you got out," Keefe said, shrugging as if 3 days in jail was no biggie.

"Most peaceful 3 days of my life," Tam sneered, turning back to the front of the room as the professor walked in.

"Good morning class!" the prof turned to the white board, writing his name. "I am Dr. Harding," he tapped it for emphasis.

The class was silent.

"And you say good mor..."

"Good morning Dr. Harding," The class said in unison, they all sounded tired and bored.

This wasn't going to be fun.

~*~

"Grande ice vanilla latte for...Hen-are-y?"

The man shot Keefe a look as he grabbed his coffee.

"Henry." He dropped a tip in the jar, fifty cents. How generous.

He had come in before, and never left good tips. Keefe made it a game to pronounce the names of anyone who wasn't a college student and left bad tips wrong, no matter how much they came in. It was a wonder he hadn't been fired yet.

As he turned preparing another drink, the bell at the top of the door rang. He ignored it at first until he heard a quiet, "Fuck," come from behind.

"Bangs boy!"

"Why are you here?"

"I work here obviously," Keefe walked up to the counter. "Now, what'll it be?"

Tam sighed. "Iced caramel macchiato with two extra shots of espresso."

"Size?"

"Venti."

Keefe whistled thinking about how much caffeine that was as he wrote down "Bangs Boy" on the cup.

"Alright, that'll be 5.75, may I ask why the insane amount of coffee? I believe I remember you saying caffeine makes you anxious in high school."

"Yes, but it also helps me focus, and I have a quiz tomorrow I haven't studied for."

"Fair enough," Keefe said, going to prepare the drink. "It'll be ready in five."

Tam nodded, walking off to the side and scrolling on his phone. Keefe made the drink, occasionally sneaking looks over at Tam. He didn't seem to notice, thank God.

Soon after, they finished the transaction.

"See you at class," Keefe said, he was trying to be genuine, but it came across more taunting.

Tam grimaced, muttered "Thanks for the coffee," and walked out the door.

~*~

The class fell silent as a disheveled Dr. Harding walked in, a pack of gatorade in one hand and bottle of tylenol in the other. He popped one as he sat down.

"Hello class it seems today I have the worst headache imaginable, just give me about 5 minutes of silence and we will go over your assignments."

Keefe leaned over to Tam's desk.

"Well, we know what he got into last night," he whispered. "Heard the bar on the corner of 5th was giving out two for ones for professors."

"Isn't that place run by the alumni?"

"Exactly. Gotta thank Alvar tomorrow, Fitz said it was his idea."

"Wait Fitz goes here too? Why did I not-"

"Boys!" Dr. Harding practically yelled. "I am tired of the racket." He put his face in his hands where his elbows rested on the desk, bald spot showing to the world.

"We were whispering!" Keefe made a 'what the hell' sort of gesture. Tam glared at him, hoping he could communicate 'I will kill you myself if you say another word' with just his eyes.

"Sencen, do I look like I care?"

Keefe winced a bit at the use of his last name. That was something Tam could understand.

"Look, boys," Dr. Harding stood up and turned to the chalkboard, writing something down. "If you all like talking so much, you'll love this next project."

He walked to the side, revealing the board, that read '10 page essay, due the 25th'

"With the person next to you, you'll be writing a 10 page essay on um...the importance of keeping your oil changed in your car. You'll then present it to the class. It's worth 25 points."

A student raised their hand.

"Luka?"

"Sir, I thought this was a psychology course?"

"It is. You are all excused."

With that, he left the room with his tylenol and gatorade in his arms. The students glared at Keefe and Tam as they all got up, muttering amongst themselves about the pure bullshittery of it all.

"So..." Keefe said, slowly standing. "Does the library tomorrow at 3 work? I have work until then, so it can't be any earlier."

"Yeah, sure." Tam promptly walked out of the classroom as fast as possible, he didn't know why but his anxiety was spiking. He tried to tell himself it was just because he was a useless gay that didn't know jackshit about cars, yeah, surely that was it.

Just a useless gay.

~*~

Tam waited at a table in the library, it was 3:05, Keefe was late.

He didn't know what else he expected from him, he always seemed to do stuff like this. At the same time, Tam didn't have the energy to be particularly mad at him. This was going to be the stupidest essay ever written in the history of man, might as well put it off.

The library door slammed open, and in came Keefe. He balanced a large stack of papers and books along with four drinks. He stumbled over to Tam and practically threw them down on the table.

"Sorry I'm late, I thought it would be nice to, like, get you a coffee, but I didn't know how much caffeine you wanted, so I got one decaf caramel macchiato, one normal, and one with an extra shot, and also hot chocolate for me."

He sat down in the chair by Tam, as if getting three different coffees for someone you were forced to do a project with was totally normal.

"Um...thanks, I-I can pay you back-"

"Don't worry about it." Keefe turned to him and smiled, bright and friendly. Tam was frozen. "Okay, now it's car time." Keefe turned back to the desk.

"Yeah."

They were silent for a while as they researched, Keefe going through his piles of papers and books and Tam on his laptop like any sane person would.

Tam finally worked up the nerve to talk.

"So um...this is out of nowhere, but I think you mentioned Fitz went here?"

"Oh, yeah." Keefe put down the absurdly large textbook that was set up in front of him. "He's my roommate, he uh thought it would be best not to tell you after everything, I guess."

"That's fine," Tam shrugged like he didn't care. "I'm over it."

He was, really. They only dated like 2 weeks, sure it ended with a...pretty big fight after Fitz claimed he wouldn't be able to date someone who had gone to jail and Tam reminded him it was his best friend that got him in there in the first place, but he was still over it. There was still something bothering him, nothing to do with Fitz himself but...something. He just couldn't put his finger on what.

"Alright, I'll take your word." Keefe shrugged, setting his giant book back up in front of him.

Tam felt the need to start talking again, but didn't. They were mostly silent for the next 40 minutes or so, just researching and the occasional word exchanged between them.

Keefe checked his phone.

"Shit," He got up. "Work emergency, I gotta go. Same time tomorrow?"

"Yeah that works."

"Chill, see ya' later."

"Bye."

Keefe waved (with a wide grin Tam would've called idiotic in high school) as he went out the door.

Tam found himself with a smile on his own face, he quickly stopped, hoping no one saw.

~*~

Keefe hurried into work, pulling his apron on as he saw the absurdly long line and a panicked Marella frantically making coffees behind the counter. She sighed with relief when she saw him.

"Thank God," She said as he stepped behind the counter with her. "There was a scheduling error, Forkle's useless at that stuff."

Mr. Forkle, their well-meaning but often mistaken manager, was out of town at the moment. The fate of the Starbucks rested on two college kids, what could go wrong.

And so they went, Keefe taking orders and Marella fulfilling them until there were no more to serve.

Marella, quite literally, threw in a towel she had wiped her face with. Promptly going to the back, presumably for her break. Keefe followed her.

"Alright, I think you can probably go back to whatever you were doing before this now if you'd like," said Marella, inspecting the small braids in her hair in the nearest shiny surface.

"Nah I was just doing a project with Tam for Harding's stupid class, he's probably left by now, I might as well rack up some overtime."

Marella turned back at him, clearly caught off guard at the name.

"Tam? As in my-girlfriend's-brother Tam? As in you-had-a-massive-crush-on-in-highschool Tam? As in dated-Fitz Tam? As in you-got-him-in-jail-"

"Yes! Yes! Why does everyone remind me of that, it was one time."

"When you get someone in jail, people tend to remember," Marella went silent for a second, thinking, before looking Keefe in the eye. "Wow, that must be awkward as hell, I mean seriously, if I were you I'd straight up file a restraining order just to avoid him. Maybe move to another country. I hear Estonia is lovely this time of year."

"Eh, it's not as bad as it seems. I mean it was awful at first, mostly because I tried to resume right where we left it on the taunting front, but I think it's ok now."

"Hm. Well good luck with that," Marella turned back to go to the front, but Keefe grabbed her arm to stop her.

"Uh, actually I need your advice on something. It has to do with Tam."

"Shoot."

"Well I was thinking of maybe, I don't know, asking him out or something? Look, yeah, it's an awful idea but is it 'he never wants to talk to me again' awful or 'he attempts to strangle me' awful?"

Marella looked him up and down, eyes uncomfortably cold, as usual.

"I mean, no hetero, but despite your annoying qualities you're a decent looking guy. Plus Tam's, like, super anxious according to Linh, so maybe he'll be too awkward to say no. You can probably squeeze at least one date in there."

"Wow, thanks Mare," Keefe mumbled, voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Yes, I try. Also don't call me Mare."

"Alright Ella!" Keefe called as the front door's bell rang, signalling a new customer. Marella went off to take care of it, unable to respond she growled back at him.

~*~

Tap tap tap tap tap.

Tam glared from across the table.

Tap tap tap tap tap tap.

"Why do you keep doing that?"

Keefe looked up, muttered a simple "Fidgety" and went right back to it, tapping his pen against the table. Tam said nothing more.

Keefe had been quiet for this entire meeting, something highly unusual for him.

"Ok, seriously dude, what's up? I haven't seen you this quiet literally ever."

He only seemed to get more fidgety at this question, his bouncing leg shaking the library table.

"I...um..." he looked down, running a hand through his hair "I have a test I need to cram for and no one to study with and keep me accountable. Y'know, ADHD issues."

Tam didn't overthink for once in his life but the moment the sentence was out of his mouth he regretted it.

"I have a test too, maybe we could study together?"

Keefe smiled his annoyingly charming smile.

"Sounds good."

"Good."

Tam quickly looked back down at his computer, trying to look like he was still doing car research when in actuality he was processing he just actively offered to spend more time with Keefe Sencen.

If Linh found out about this he'd never live it down.

He didn't think he cared.

~*~

Dr. Harding walked through the classroom door, clearly much less hungover than his last appearance.

The students waited, would they get an apology? Any sort of remorse?

"Alright, who wants to read first?"

Apparently not.

Keefe raised his hand with too much confidence for what their essay looked like. Tam gave him a confused look. He had his scheming face on, never good.

"Mr. Sencen!" Keefe winced at the use of his last name by the doctor. "What an amazing start, it's only appropriate. One of you boys come up and present."

Tam gave Keefe a look of 'do you want me to do it?' Keefe just smiled and got up from his chair. This would either be really good or really, really bad. Tam was all too familiar with the scheme face.

"Doc, I did depart from the source material a bit here, hope you don't mind. And I use 'I' because Tam had no involvement in this, he deserves full points for his essay."

Keefe cleared his throat, the room was so silent you could hear a pin drop.

"Doctor Harding deserves to get fired: an essay. (And it's only been a week!) Paragraph one, his drinking problem-"

"Sencen! Back to your seat now. I will see you after class, or I will not see you in my next class, understand?"

Keefe gave a thumbs up as he sat back on his chair with a thud.

A few minutes later, in the middle of another student's essay, he passed Tam a note with his loopy handwriting.

"The amount of comebacks I had for 'see me after class' is absurd but if I get kicked out there's no way Elwin is helping me pay tuition a second time."

Tam tried not to smile, certainly failing, as he wrote his response.

"Yeah I think the time you talked back to Miss Cadence she wanted to expel you. Lucky Principal Alina had a thing for pseudo-dad Alden."

"Oh God I haven't talked to him in a whiiiiiile."

"?"

"You haven't heard? Yeah, he sorta found out like ALL his kids were ell gee bee tees and freaked out. Della found herself a new gf though!"

"Sounds like a lovely extra punch in the gut for a queerphobe."

"Yep. Honestly I recommend looking through his Facebook sometime. Just a million rants about how the gays destroy everything, great entertainment."

"Duly noted."

At that point it seemed like the doctor started to take notice of their note passing, and they stopped quickly. Tam wouldn't be surprised if he did the whole high school read in front of the class thing with the way he had been acting so far.

Tam was 100% sure tenure was the only thing keeping this guy's job intact. Apparently being a drunk asshole wasn't near enough to get a person out of their position. He tried to ignore the professor's annoyingly smug face for the rest of the class.

~*~

Keefe sat in his usual spot at the library, Tam sitting across from him, his brown eyes dancing across the textbook page and lips mumbling along the words. He didn't have much to do, often finding himself just staring at Tam, quickly looking away if he seemed to notice.

Eventually he sighed, sitting back.

"Ugh, this test is in a week and I have so much other crap to do, I'll never get this all memorized by Friday."

Keefe silently thanked his brain for managing to get around the having to study thing. Yay, photographic memory!

"Oh, uh, well I'm free to study more tomorrow if that would help? We could do, like, flashcards or something."

Tam seemed to repress a smile. He did that a lot. Keefe always noticed.

"That's okay, I'm sure you have better things to do. The Starbucks is always pretty packed."

"Eh, sometimes you have to get away from Marella. She's mean to me."

"Not just you, once she told me if I ever made fun of Linh's cat's name again she'd make me cut off my own bangs."

Keefe nodded sagely. "The shorter you are the closer to hell. That's why you're worse than her."

"Hey!"

Tam flicked a stray rubber band at Keefe.

"I'm at least 2 inches taller than Marella...we measured."

Keefe thought up about 12 inappropriate jokes he couldn't make before flicking the rubber band back.

"Two inches only counts in roller coasters, none of which you can ride."

Tam stuck his tongue out before returning to his studies. Unlike Tam, Keefe didn't hide his smile.

~*~

Tam strolled into the Starbucks that Friday morning, no longer surprised to see Keefe working the counter. He could barely hold still in line as he thought about the amount of cramming he'd have to do in the next few hours.

When he reached the counter, Keefe said nothing, just busily worked making a drink.

He stuck it right out at Tam.

"One venti iced caramel macchiato with 2 extra shots of espresso because you have a test today in political science and still haven't studied everything and also a muffin because you probably haven't eaten today. On the house. Good luck with the studying."

Tam froze.

"I- um- th-thaks. Y-you too...sport."

Oh, you fucking idiot.

He quickly scurried out of the Starbucks with drink and muffin in hand. Wow, he had screwed that up.

But...

Keefe...

He...

He remembered his order and that he had a test and that he forgot to eat when he was stressed holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit-

Okay, deep breaths Tam, you got this. You can totally handle a frustratingly cute guy showing care for you this is fine...

Not fine, not fine, gotta tell Linh.

He called Linh with no forewarning. Despite the fact that she was currently across the country at a different university, and it was about 3 am for her, she picked up. He barely let her get out a groggy "Hello?" before explaining everything. She only seemed to think a moment before responding.

"Hm. Well it's good to know that college is going good for you. Do you need advice or comfort?"

"Yes."

"Well, first of all, everything's gonna be okay. And I know that doesn't help much but just try to remember we're eighteen, and it's not the end of the world. Second of all, try to ask him out or something. It doesn't have to be framed as a date, like Marella and I got together on a walk in the park, seriously it can be anything."

"Thanks Linh."

"No problem, also can you hug Marella for me?"

"If she doesn't try to kill me first, yes."

"Nice. Okay go do what you gotta do, also don't wake me up at 3 am again or else I'll sic Purryfins on you, I had just gone to bed."

With that she hung up and Tam continued on his way, still trying to not completely freak out.

~*~

Keefe stared blankly as Tam walked right out of the door. Marella appeared by his arm.

"So, how'd it go?"

"Well, he called me 'sport'."

Marella inhaled through her teeth.

"Yikes. Comfort, advice, or distraction?"

"Distraction, please." Keefe replied, absent-mindedly preparing a cup for the next customer.

"Uh, well I meant to ask you what ended up happening with that ass of a teacher, but I got a bit distracted at your attempt to woo Tam-"

"Hey I said distraction not reminder. But basically I just got a slap on the wrist because, and I quote, 'Your father is Cassius Sencen! He wrote half the books we use in this class, I'm sure he can straighten you out!'"

"There's absolutely nothing papa Sencen could do to make you straight, I'm pretty sure he tried that, and it obviously didn't work."

"He actually tried a few times and it most definitely did not. Lucky he doesn't have my number anymore or else I assure you he'd keep trying."

Marella laughed.

"Well, moving on from grade A assholes, I'm supposed to tell you there's a party tonight. I'll have to send you the address later, I have it on my phone though, I am told there's gonna be booze, so I'm going."

"Eh, I'll probably go. Just to get my mind off everything."

"Thata boy." She lifted her phone. "And my shifts over in three, two, one, and I am out of here! See ya' tonight Hunkyhair."

"That's Lord Hunkyhair to you."

She just rolled her eyes and clocked out, leaving Keefe to deal with both the customers and his own thoughts.

~*~

Tam sat in his dorm room alone, constantly refreshing his grades for the possibility that his 70-year-old professor would post the test results at 1:30 am.

His roommate was gone for the weekend, actually he was gone most of the time. Tam didn't think they'd even had a full conversation before.

He jumped as his phone began to ring, a call from Keefe of all people. He hesitantly picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Tam! Tam Tam Tam Tam Tam" Keefe's slurred speech was too loud for a phone call, Tam held his phone a bit away from his ear. "...fuck wait why did I call you..."

There was a long pause, neither said anything.

"Oh yeah! I needed to tell you something...but uh I uhm I forgot what it was."

"Keefe, where are you?"

"At a paaaaaarty, well, actually just outside a party because it was hot in there, but now it's cold out here so uh yeah."

Tam sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Okay, send me the address, I'm coming to pick you up. Wait right there and don't move."

"Okie dokie."

Tam heard a thud sort of sound and the rustling of grass from the other line before Keefe hung up and soon after got a message of his location.

After 20 minutes of walking in the cold, Tam came up to what seemed to be a frat house with Keefe sitting on the lawn in criss-cross, patiently waiting in short sleeves and basketball shorts, way too little clothing for the weather. His ruddy face smiled as he saw Tam approach.

"Tam! I remembered what I was going to tell you." He stood up, face falling right after. "Oh no wait I forgot again. Ooh! You need a drink."

Keefe grabbed Tam's hand, pulling him towards the house. Tam stayed in place.

"Hey, let's get you home dude."

Keefe pouted.

"I don't wannaaaa."

He slouched down, pulling on Tam's arm like a child having a tantrum.

Tam pulled him back up to his feet.

"C'mon, if you go to your dorm without fuss I'll buy you ice cream tomorrow."

Keefe seemed much more ok with going along with Tam with the ice cream deal. He pulled off his own coat and placed it around the very drunk boy, he didn't complain.

Keefe began humming some annoying song from the early 2000s that was playing from the house earlier as they walked back in the direction of the dorms.

Suddenly, Tam remembered something.

Fitz was Keefe's roommate.

Shit.

"Hey uh do you think Fitz is at your dorm?"

Keefe nodded confidently.

"Yep! Said he was gon' study. Wouldn't come to the party because of his 'reputation' or whatever."

Around reputation he did exaggerated finger quotes, nearly knocking Tam's jacket off his shoulders.

"Hm...in that case let's go to my dorm, ok?"

Keefe shrugged, apparently willing to go along with most things in his current state. Thank goodness Linh had made Tam bring extra pillows and blankets to college, he could sleep on the floor and just hope Keefe didn't get sick on him in the night.

It was ridiculously hard to lead Keefe back to his dorm. He tried to pull down his pants halfway there and Tam almost had to carry him up the stairs but soon enough they got there. He sighed with relief as he led his inebriated friend into the room.

"Okay, you can stay here for the night. I'll sleep on the floor."

Keefe plopped himself down on Tam's bed laying flat for only a moment before sitting up with a snap and a look of realization in his eyes.

"OOH! I remember what I was gonna tell you again!"

"Oh?" Tam said playing along, expecting him to forget again.

He patted the spot next to him on the bed, Tam continued to play along, sitting next to him.

"So Marella said that I should just tell you this, and it worked for her, so I'm gonna. And uh and you have to promise to listen 'cause I'm not sayin' it again."

At this point Keefe grabbed his face with both hands, staring right in Tam's eyes and squishing his cheeks.

"You're listening right?"

Tam nodded, mostly to shake Keefe's hands off his face.

"Okay."

Keefe took in an over dramatic breath as if he was preparing to preform in the Olympics before getting another grin on his face.

"I really like you."

"You really like me?"

He nodded mumbling "mhm".

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I like you. Like, like like you."

"Like...as a friend?"

"I said I wasn't gonna repeat myself. As a booooyfriend." At this point Keefe fell back on the bed, looking at the ceiling. Tam's cheeks were burning.

"How long have you liked me like that?"

"Mmmm..." Keefe seemed to ponder for a moment, "Prolly high school."

"Oh um...good to know. You should get some rest. I'll be down here if you need me."

"Alrighty."

Tam shut off the lights and Keefe started snoring quick. Tam could only stare up in the darkness, unable to sleep.

~*~

Keefe woke up that morning in a room he didn't recognize to a killer headache and dead phone.

He turned to the side, seeing a pile of blankets and pillows with a large gatorade, bottle of tylenol, and a note next to it. Suddenly last nights memories came flooding back.

Oh, shit.

He scrambled out of bed, headache and nausea hitting him harder as he stood up.

Despite the fact his head was spinning, he picked up the note from the ground and read it.

Hey, meet me at the reservoir around 6, we need to talk -Tam

F. U. C. K.

Had he really said all that stuff last night? Surely it was a dream, right?

Oh God.

He gathered his few belongings, plus the things to help the hangover, and left the dorms as fast as possible. Only having to stop once along the way to throw up in one of the campus trash cans, hopefully no one would notice.

Keefe didn't have anything to do and he really didn't want to face Fitz so he went about his day in last nights clothing. Then again, it was a college campus. Someone walking around with rumpled clothes carrying a gatorade probably wasn't that big of a deal for most people. By 5:30 he sat impatiently in the empty park where the reservoir was located, it was colder closer to the water.

Just as promised, at 6 o'clock he saw Tam approaching on the horizon.

~*~

Tam was damn near a panic attack as he walked around the park attempting to find Keefe. Eventually he found him, sitting on a bench still in his clothes from last night, face once again ruddy from the cold. He sat next to him wordlessly.

"So," Keefe started.

"So," Tam replied, looking down at his lap.

"Tam I-" Keefe turned to face him. "I'm sorry about everything last night, I probably just made everything super awkward. Not to mention it's a giant violation of the friend code to even have a crush on your best friend's ex-"

"Yeah, about that."

"What?"

"You're gonna maybe kill me for this but uh," Tam pulled on his bangs. "I sorta talked to Fitz about it, I figured you wouldn't and apparently I was right. He said he was okay with it as long as we were ok with it."

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

Tam sighed, "Perhaps."

Keefe once again wore that shit-eating grin of his.

"Can I hear you say it?"

"Why don't you have to say it?"

"Already said it last night! Your turn now. Why did you take care of me while I was drunk?"

Keefe stared at Tam excitedly waiting for the answer. Tam sighed.

"Because I love you, little shit."

"Ooh you said it-"

Tam smashed his lips against Keefe's, both quickly melting into it. After only a moment they pulled away.

"Agh, you taste like gatorade and vomit."

"Well you taste like salt so really what's worse."

"Definitely the vomit."

Despite this, Tam leaned back in. This kiss was a moment longer than the last, and when Tam pulled away Keefe chased it.

"Ok, look I'm sorry but you look like shit Keefe you have to go change." Tam removed his jacket, throwing it around Keefe once again and helping him up from the bench. Keefe laughed.

"Yeah, you're right. Ooh now that we're a thing you need a new nickname!"

"I do?"

"You do, how about 'Bangs Boyf' ooh or maybe you can be my 'provoked partner' or my 'snappy spouse' my 'agitated accomplice' perhaps."

"Do you just have these ready and prepared for any situation?"

"A magician never reveals his secrets."

"You aren't Houdini, you're an 18-year-old boy that currently reeks of frat party."

"Eh that's basically the same thing. I've seen some 18-year-olds at frat parties preform tricks Houdini could never dream of."

Tam sighed dramatically. "It's a good thing you're pretty, you know."

"Hey!" Keefe jokingly shoved him.

For the first time Tam's smile wasn't repressed.

[thorne93]

The Stars Made Us (Part 2)

Prompt: In this world, you’re one of the “lucky” ones who got a soulmate, but what if the universe gives you more than you bargained for?

(Prompt challenge – You live in a world where your soulmate can write on their skin and you will get the writing on your own and vice versa. Where they can wash away the ink on their own skin, however, the writing is forever scarred onto your skin until you meet face to face)

Word Count: 1436

Warnings: angst and language throughout

Notes: This was supposed to be for @sorryimacrapwriter​​ and their challenge like a year ago, I think? I still loved the prompt though and have been working on this story for quite some time. This aesthetic was made by @dontshootmespence​​, thank you so much! Beta’d by @like-a-bag-of-potatoes​​, couldn’t have done it without you, as well as @carryonmyswansong​​ and @arrow-guy​​ and @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo​​

Also, I’ve never really liked the whole soulmate AU thing idea, but this felt so right and it was amazing to write. I hope y’all love it too!!

~~~~~~~~~~~

When you woke up in the early afternoon, your parents greeted you with a bit of a chuckle.

“Stay up too late with Jenny?” your mom asked with a teasing smirk. It was a habit of yours and Jenny to probably stay up way past your bedtime, but so long as it wasn’t a school night, your parents never cared.

“Actually… I.. uh, have some news,” you announced as you grabbed some bacon for a BLT that they’d made for lunch.

“Oh?” your dad asked, his eyes still on his laptop. “What’s that?”

“So… Jenny was kind of joking around last night and said that I should try to write on my arm, you know… to see if I had a soulmate…” you began explaining, twisting your fingers around nervously as you sat at the table.

Your parents just looked at you curiously.

“Well, so I did. I wrote something on my arm, and I waited to see if someone would write back… and they did,” you said, showing them your arm. They saw the ‘Happy Birthday’, and the ‘Hi there’, with a smiling face.

“A soulmate?” your dad echoed, looking at your arm inquisitively.

“We’ve never had soulmates in the family, have we, dear?” your mom wondered as she looked over her cup at her husband.

“Not that I know of. Well what do you know about that?” he mused. “I don't see any more marks on your arms, did your mate not write back much last night?”

“No, we actually emailed. We thought it would be best if we reserve our skin.. You know, we don’t want a bunch of… tattoos of each other unless they’re meaningful.”

“Sounds sensible,” your mom noted with a smile. “So what do you know about them?”

“He’s a grad student. He’s 21. He graduated from Harvard at 16, and get this, he’s into psych. He studies it.”

“Graduated at 16?” your dad asked. “Are you sure this guy isn’t pulling your leg? What if he’s some bum?”

“If he is some bum, he’s got a great education. We stayed up all night emailing, and he’s quite well-read.”

“That sounds fantastic, honey. And, did you get his name?” she asked, a bit nervous.

You shook your head. “No, we agreed it wasn’t safe.”

“Good girl,” your mom commended.

“He’s 21, hmm?” your dad hummed. “Isn’t that a little old?”

“Oh, Anthony, don’t pretend like that’s some big gap. You and I have five years between us,” your mom reminded as she got up to pick up the kitchen.

“Yeah well we didn’t meet in high school either. We were adults.”

“I’d hardly call us adults. We were 23 and 28.”

Your dad just shook his head. “You just be careful, kiddo. Soulmate or not, there are weirdos out there.”

“Of course, Dad,” you said.

Well, that was out of the way. Your parents didn’t seem to be too upset, which was good.

You went upstairs to your room and sent an email to X.

“My parents know about us now,” you wrote.

“Do they approve?”

“They’re worried you’re a liar and a weirdo, lol,” you confessed with a smiley face.

“They might be right ; )”

“I reminded them that we won’t ever swap information until one of our names shows up.”

“Of course. As tempted as I am to meet you like a normal person, I don’t want to tamper with fate.”

“I feel the same. And your parents? Have you told them?”

“My parents have died. Happened a few years ago.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s awful.”

“It’s sad, yes, but don’t let that bring down your mood, please. I miss them terribly. I bet they would’ve loved to meet you.”

“I would’ve loved to meet them.”

“Speaking of, we need to get registered.”

Registered? For what? A marriage license?

Then it hit you.

“Oh, you mean the soulmate registry?”

“That’s the one. Do you have access to it?”

“Yeah, I can just drive to it. It’s at the clerk’s office, right?”

“Yes, it is. Oh, I need to go, Y/F/I. I’ll talk to you later. Feel free to send me emails throughout the day.”

“Will do, X. I’ll go to the registry on Monday, after school.”

“Looking forward to it.”

---------------------------------

The following afternoon, you went to the county clerk to file for a soulmate. You arrived at the building, stood in line, and finally, it was your turn. You were greeted by an older woman with a permanent scowl on her face.

“Can I help you?” she asked evenly.

“I, uh, I need to get registered for a soulmate?” you said tentatively. You had no idea how this part of the process went.

She eyed you up and down. “Very well, come with me.” She turned around and started to walk away from the counter and you looked around to see if you were supposed to follow. Since no one seemed to be stopping you as you inched towards the small opening in the counter, you went ahead and followed her.

“Do you have a driver’s license?” she asked once she reached a little podium against a wall.

You didn’t answer, instead you quickly searched your purse and wallet to retrieve the ID. She took it from you but before she did anything she asked you to show you the markings.

“I got these, on my arm,” you informed as you pushed your arm forward, your arms exposed.

“I’m just checking to make sure they aren’t tattoos,” she mused as she eyed them and scanned them with a small device that emitted purple light, you assumed it was a UV light or some form of it. “Alright, that all looks good.” With that, she turned to a computer and pulled up a file, scanning your driver’s license that filled out a bunch of forms and blanks - your name, age, social security, birthday, address. “Now, I need to document your markings. Put your arm right here,” she instructed, pointing to what looked like a small x-ray machine. It had a flat platform, a light, crosshairs, and an overhead lens. “Hold still,” she ordered.

You did your best to keep still as she pressed a button and the image was snapped.

“Did you write anything to them?” she asked, her voice stern.

“Yes, I wrote a few things,” you said, explaining everything you wrote and where.

“When did the markings appear? I need the date and time,” she informed.

“Alright, you’re officially in the system. Do you know their name?”

“No, we’ve only emailed and I refer to him as X?” you said, unsure.

“Good. I’m not sure if you know this or not, but we tell everyone who gets a mate: it’s never good to meet them before your time.”

“I’ve heard,” you noted quietly.

“It usually ends in an untimely death, and you don’t get another mate. No one has ever had more than one mate, even if their first one dies.”

You nodded. It made sense. The universe designed one person to fit your soul exactly, they couldn’t do that with two people, it would be crazy.

“No, yeah we agreed not to give any personal information away,” you confirmed.

“Good. Now, whenever your mate comes in to get registered, neither of you will be notified.”

You frowned for a moment. “So what’s the point in doing this?” you wondered.

“In case anything happens before you two meet, you can be notified. If you need a donor, your mate is notified. It’s mainly for record keeping, but just in case, they’re basically added to every In Case of Emergency list you have.”

“Really? Okay,” you said, a little more interested.

“Well you’re all set. Here’s some information for you,” she informed as she handed you a pamphlet. It said: So now you’ve got a soulmate, what this means for you.

Inside were several Do’s and Don'ts.

Do tell people you have a mate, so they don’t think you’re covered in tattoos of random words.

Don’t get the name of your soulmate before it appears on your skin. Their name and current location will appear when you are needed most by them.

Do be sure to include that you have a mate on any legal forms.

Don’t request a new mate.

… on and on it went. It made you smile and laugh at how… old it seemed to be.

Before you knew it, you were back in front of your computer screen, sending an update to X. He said he was busy today and would have to go to the clerk tomorrow.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[sgtbuckyybarnes]

“You’re my family” For the Marauders and Dax. 

Requested by @isaaclahys <3

Daxia winced slightly as she lowered herself down onto the sofa beside Sirius, despite all of the treatments she had received over the years from Madam Pomfrey and the healers in the order her old Quidditch injury in her knee still gave her issue. 

“Here,” Sirius said, reaching his hand out for her mug of tea before she spilled it everywhere. He kept hold of it until she was comfortable, tucking her feet beneath his leg, before passing it back. 

“Thank you,” she answered as she took it, wrapping her fingers around the warmth and closing her eyes as she breathed in the smell of the honey inside. James always knew how to make the perfect cuppa. 

As his hand landed on her knee a laugh lit up his face at something James was mouthing to him from across the room and she couldn’t help but feel her heartbeat skip slightly in her chest. He had been gone, off on a mission from Dumbledore, for far too long and, despite the tension it caused between them, she almost couldn’t believe she finally had him back. 

“Oi Lestrange!”

Her eyebrows raised as her attention was drawn from the sweet smelling liquid warming her palms. Glancing up she smiled as she was met with Remus pulling a face “Yes Lupin?”

“You were in your own little world then and, as exciting as I am sure the side of Padfoot’s face is, we need you back in the room,” he said gesturing around the lot of them. He was sat opposite, almost buried beneath a pile of cushions James had thrown on the floor to accommodate both him and Peter, while James was staring over to her from where he was draped across the armchair in the corner. 

“If you had the chance to sit beside this-” Sirius paused to circle his face with his hand “- Moony I’m sure you’d be distracted too,” he said with a smirk, glancing to Daxia and sending her a wink as she rolled her eyes. 

“What riveting conversation was I missing then?” Daxia asked as Peter came into the room, flopping down on the cushions beside Remus. Despite the environment he still seemed to be uncomfortable as he gripped onto the bottle of butterbeer in his hand and glanced around his friends, his movements even more awkward and his eyes extra watery. 

“I was just pointing out that this is the first time the Marauders have been together, alone, with nothing else on our minds, since Hogwarts,” Remus explained before Daxia could ask if Peter was alright.

“We did try not to have things other than ourselves on our minds at Hogwarts,” James mused, reaching up and ruffling his hand through his hair “So Lily keeps reminding me anyway.”

“Is she telling Harry lies about us already?” Daxia asked with narrowed eyes “I’ll be having a word and telling him my versions of those bedtime stories as soon as possible,” she continued before taking a sip of her tea “He’ll love the one about the bowtruckles.”

“Bowtruckles? That one was weak!” Sirius exclaimed, smiling sweetly as Daxia sent him a glare “I’m just saying the day we enchanted all the History of Magic textbooks to sing when they were opened up was better! The look on Binns’ face was priceless.”

“You’re only saying that one because it was your idea,” Daxia huffed, digging her elbow into his side “What about-”

“All right, all right lovebirds,” James cut through with a chuckle “We all know the day we got the Giant Squid on side trumps them all. Moony? Tell me you agree?”

“You’re all focussing too much on the pranks when we literally wrote the Marauders Map,” Remus answered with a shake of his head “I do hope someone finds it behind that bookcase in the common room.” 

“I still think we should have brought it with us,” Daxia said with a pout.

“What was the point in us having it here? We need to influence the future troublemakers coming through those doors!” James exclaimed, laughter lighting up his face “Hey, maybe it’ll be Harry who finds it.”

“It better still be there for Harry to find,” Daxia said with a grumble “How about you Peter?”

“Huh?” Peter answered, jumping slightly at hearing his name “Oh yeah...the bowtruckle one was good.”

Remus shrugged as Daxia’s eyebrows fell into a frown “Think the butterbeer has gone to your head Wormtail,” he said reaching over and nudging his friend’s shoulder with his knuckles “You’re on another planet mate.”

“You’ve always been on another planet haven’t you Pete,” Sirius said teasingly, their comments seeming to bring Peter back into the room a little more “Harry will hear plenty of stories from us all,” Sirius continued “He’ll probably get sick to death of us reliving our glory days at the dinner table.”

“Can you imagine what it’ll be like when he goes to Hogwarts?”

“He’s one Dax I think we’ve got plenty of time to prepare,” James chuckled.

“And by prepare he means tell him all the tricks in the book,” Sirius added on with a wink. 

“I’m not sure Lils would be as impressed by that Padfoot,” Remus chipped in.

“I dunno, we got you guys pretty good on occasion!” Dax argued with a smirk, pausing for Peter to add something only to be disappointed once again “It’s nice to just be sat here,” she mused before taking another mouthful of her tea “Not worried about what’s to come.” 

Sirius sent her a reassuring smile as he squeezed her knee. There wasn’t much he could say to ease her troubles these days, especially with him soon leaving once again to head abroad with the Order. 

“You’re at the meeting tomorrow right Lestrange?” James asked, waiting for her nod of confirmation before continuing “I’ll pop by yours on my way, we can go in together.”

“Yeah,” Daxia answered, her fingertips tapping against her mug nervously “Yeah I’d like that.” 

They lasted another hour, Peter retiring back to his mother’s place to see her before they were placed on their missions once more in the morning and Remus heading home yawning after lasting as long as he could so soon after a full moon. 

“Come on then you,” Sirius said reaching for Daxia’s hand as she rubbed at her tired eyes “We better get going before Lily arrives to kick us out.” 

“Lily would do no such thing!” the redhead herself exclaimed as she emerged from the kitchen, sending her friends a grin before greeting James with a kiss “I snuck in through the back,” she explained to the confused faces glancing her way as she unwound her scarf from around her neck and slipped out of her coat “Have you asked them yet?”

“I was waiting for you!”

“I told you if I wasn’t here to just go for it.”

“And now you are here and we can ask them together.”

Sirius and Daxia exchanged glances “Is this some kind of married people code we’re not a part of?” he asked “Because we have no idea what is going on right now.”

“We want you both to be Harry’s Godparents,” Lily exclaimed, her hands soon slapping over her mouth as she sent James an apologetic look “Sorry,” she said, her voice muffled “I know you wanted to ask them.” 

Sirius and Daxia both looked on at the excitable parents with arched eyebrows, their jaws dropping open “Us?” they both asked at the same time “Are you sure?”

“Are you kidding?” James answered, pausing his whispering with Lily to glance at them with furrowed brows “You’re my family, I couldn’t imagine asking anyone better.” 

“Me too,” Lily added with a grin as wide as James’ “If anything were to happen to me or James-” she began, quickly adding “Which it won’t!” when she spotted Daxia’s bottom lip wobble slightly “We couldn’t imagine anyone who’d do a better job. You both already love him like he’s your own,” Lily said with a smile before turning to James “He has been sleeping hasn’t he?”

“Haven’t heard a peep from him,” Daxia answered automatically “I popped my head in earlier when I went to the toilet and he was cuddled up with that dog cuddly toy Sirius got him for his birthday.”

Sirius smiled sheepishly “I popped my head in too earlier, snores like his dad.”

James and Lily exchanged another one of their irritating, know all, smiles “And you’re wondering why we’ve asked you both?” James asked with a shake of his head “Actually you haven’t even given us an answer yet.” 

“Yes!” both Daxia and Sirius said at the same time “Yes we’d love to,” Daxia continued for the two of them, letting out a loud laugh as Lily jumped on the spot and threw her arms around her best friend, James and Sirius mirroring them.

“Thank you for trusting us,” Sirius said as they swapped hugging partners, Lily patting him on the back and pressing a kiss to his cheekbone.

“We trust you with our lives, both of you, Padfoot,” she said, happy tears twinkling in her eyes “So of course we trust you with Harry.” 

“Come on,” James said, reaching out and grasping hold of both of their arms “Come and have another cup of tea. We need to discuss the christening!” 

They hesitated for a moment, tiredness threatening to overtake them, but ended up exchanging grins. As much as they knew they would always be welcome at Godric’s Hollow and could pop by at any time there was something different that night, something keeping them with their friends. 

“Put the kettle on James!” Daxia exclaimed “And don’t forget the honey.”

Tag List - @jewelswrites-ish @foxesandmagic @prophecy-grrl @ocfairygodmother @stanley--barber @eddies--gazebos @ochub @oreostars

[collecting-stories]

PT 2 | Modern!Ivar

1 | 2 | 3

Once home from the date Ivar had to wonder what proper etiquette called for in this situation. He really wanted to talk to you again, in fact he really hadn’t wanted to call it a night at all. If he had it his way, and aside from right now he usually did, he wouldn’t have ended the night outside your apartment building. But after dinner he’d asked to walk you home and you let him and you didn’t say anything about him getting to his dorm unaccompanied.  

So he fidgeted around his dorm, trying to decide what to do and thankful that his mother had insisted he not have a roommate. They would have been complaining about the noise for sure if they existed. Instead it was just him, anxiously rolling back and forth in his room, too hyped to go to bed.  

He had texted both of his brothers to ask their advice. Was it too soon to call you? Ubbe said just wait till morning cause you might be sleeping. But that only served to plant seeds of doubt in Ivar’s stomach. What if you were sleeping? What if you had just gone home and gone right to bed and weren’t up like he was, excited about the evening and unable to think of anything else. Hvitserk suggested waiting the standard three days. “Make her wait for your call.” He claimed. As if Ivar was not the one who was desperate.  

No, neither of these suggestions would work. He would focus first on the task of getting to bed, then he would decide what to do. Ivar transferred himself into a stationary chair and began changing for bed. With pants and shirt folded on the desk for his daytime aide to put away in the morning he used his crutches to get from the chair to the bed. Once he’d gotten comfortable in the lumpy college provided bed, he checked his phone.  

He didn’t have to decide after all because sitting there on his phone was a text from you. It said that you had fun and you were glad he had asked you on a date. He considered messaging his brothers again, telling them you had texted back and what should he do next but he decided against it. Ivar gave himself a pep talk, reminding himself that he had asked you out and gone on the date without anyone else’s help.  

Ivar wrote me too than deleted it and wrote I had fun too would you want to get coffee tomorrow and then deleted that to settle on me too once again. Which he immediately followed up with do you want to get coffee tomorrow which he followed up with if you’re free.  

-I have lunch for an hour at one. I can meet you outside the children’s hospital? I’ll be there tomorrow.-  

Ivar was both thankful that tomorrow was Saturday and he had no classes and terrified that you had actually said yes. This meant having to go out with you again. Something he wanted to do but also something that pulled him out of his comfort zone.  

Despite the agreed coffee meet-up not happening until one Ivar was still up early, jittery from nervousness. He texted his aide and told them not to bother coming by, most of his dressing he could manage himself with assistance straps and an old shoehorn he had rigged with velcro. It wasn’t the most ideal thing in the world but sometimes it was nice to not have to rely on someone else for something.  

He didn’t dress up, not that he really had last night either. He’d managed jeans at least yesterday, which were impossible to get on himself and hell to get off at the end of the night. So today he wore track pants and a hoodie. He clipped his bag to his wheelchair and collapsed his crutches so he could hang them from the clips as well.

Ivar met you at the entrance of the main building, having timed the commute from his dorm to the children’s hospital correctly. It was right beside the regular hospital that he’d seen you at yesterday. He was relieved when you came outside, casually dressed in clothes that were appropriate for work but allowed you to do therapy in them.  

“Hey!” You smiled and waved, walking over to him. “So there’s a Starbucks across the street or we can go further up, there’s like food trucks and stuff since this is so close to campus too.”  

“We can do that, I’ll be honest I’m not exactly the eating on the go type.”  

“You should get one of those trays,” You joked,  miming the shape of a food tray in front of you as you started walking beside him.

“I have a cup holder, that’s about as fancy as it gets.” He replied, nodding to the cup holder attached beside his right leg.

“Oh perfect.” You jokingly set the coffee tumbler you’d been carrying into the cup holder and Ivar laughed.  

“Using me for my cup holder.”  

“I mean,” you shrugged, “seriously though that’s my third yeti. The other two got swiped, I can’t leave them anywhere.”  

“You’re joking.”  

“I’m not!” You replied, “people steal them.”  

“When this one disappears you’ll know it was me.” Ivar said. When you made a reach to grab it he swerved away making you laugh. “So, how’s work today?”

“Good, I’m doing pool therapy this afternoon so you’ve got me pre-chlorine.” You replied.  

“Thank goodness. I have a strict policy against dating anyone the smells like chlorine.”

“Bummer,” you laughed. “I was actually going to ask if you’d wanna try the pool sometime?”  

“I don’t know. I don’t really swim.”  

“Well think about it, whatever you’re comfortable with. Anyway, we’ll worry about it when you aren’t taking me out for lunch.”  

You and Ivar both agreed on a food truck that did fries and different types of grilled cheese, which you promised was way better than it sounded. There was a bench close by and you sat down, Ivar rolling his chair in facing you.

“Alright, take your coffee back so I can put my drink down.” He instructed, waving his hand at you.  

“Okay jeez.” You laughed, swapping out your yeti for his soda. “So do you usually go home for the weekends or do you stay here?”  

“I try to stay here, my mom is...well you met my mom.” He grimaced.  

“She seemed nice.”

“She’s overbearing. She wants me to move out and be independent cause she’s worried I’m not getting as much social interaction as my brothers but then I do exactly what she wants and she calls me fifty times a day asking if I'm alright.” He replied. “Oh Ivar, how’s your aide? Are they helping you? Are the books too heavy for you? Is everything accessible? Do you want me to talk to your teachers about you taking breaks or not doing all the homework? Make sure your drinking enough water. It’s everyday.”

“Well to be fair she sounds like a normal mom, but I mean, I see it a lot. Moms don’t want to feel like their kid is missing out and most of the time the kid doesn’t really feel like they are. I think...it’s hard to think about your kid always being the odd one out, so to speak.” You shrugged, “I don’t know, it’s not my place to speak on it.”

“You’re right though, I get where she’s coming from. Part of me kind of hopes this will shake her out of it and she’ll start treating me like she treats my brothers.”

“Are you the youngest?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh no...then you’re the baby forever. Chair or no chair you’re screwed.” You teased, moving your leg so that your foot was on his footrest and pulling him a little closer to you.  

“What about you though? Any siblings?” He asked.

“Younger siblings.”  

“So you’re stuck being the oldest? Then you’re screwed too.”

“Too true.”  

“See I’ve got cripple privilege though. My mom lets me get away with way more shit than my brother’s ever did cause I’m in a chair and she feels guilty. So I’ve got you beat.”

“It appears you do.” You laughed. “Well I am trapped into going back to work while you get to enjoy this lovely day.”  

“I’ll probably just go back to my room and watch netflix.” Ivar shrugged, rolling back so you could stand up and throw out the trash.

“Even that sounds better.”  

“Come over after work. We can do takeout?” He offered, hoping he wasn’t being too forward, what was he supposed to do in these situations. When was hanging out too much hanging out?

“Yeah alright. I’ll probably be like, eight or something cause I’ll have to shower first, get the chlorine out of my hair.” You replied.  

“Oh please do, I don’t want your chlorine hair stinking up my dorm room.” He joked. You laughed and playfully gave him the finger.  

Once you were back to the hospital you turned to Ivar again to say goodbye. “Thanks for lunch, I’ll text you when I’m finished, maybe I can get out early.” You said, already trying to decide if it would be wrong to pass off your last patient to someone else.

“Okay.”  

You leaned down and placed a kiss on the corner of his mouth, feeling the way his lips pulled back in a smile at the action. “I’ll see you tonight.”

“Yeah, see you tonight.” Ivar nodded, watching you walk back into the hospital, a slightly dazed look on his face.  

I’m honestly just making Ivar a more able-bodied version of my sister at this point lol. Except we have a normal mom. 

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You can find my other Ivar stories here. And Vikings stories here. 

[bookaholic1012]

An Unexpected Muse - Feysand

Summary: Based on prompt from @sjmaasandallthesass : Feysand in a modern AU where Feyre and Rhysand always see each other in this cafe they like but never speak to each other, and he likes to sit and read or write while she loves to draw little sketches here and there. One day, she goes to the bathroom or whatever and he sees her sketchbook as he’s passing by and sees she’s been drawing him. You can choose the ending.

A/N: Hello, everyone! This prompt & fic is from when I reached 100 followers. Apologies for the long wait and if my writing isn’t up to par. (I wrote when I had writer’s block for something else, so my writing was kind of suffering I need my opinion.) Something to know: This fic is told in alternating point of views both in 1st person.

Word Count: 1,636

Writing Masterlist

I saw her frequently at The Sidra. The first time I spotted her, I nearly dropped my coffee. She was beautiful. I knew nothing about her but was instantly captivated. I figured she was an artist; the young woman was always drawing something in a sketchbook. She had golden-brown hair, blue-gray eyes, pale skin, and I even glimpsed a sprinkling of freckles across the bridge of her nose.

Gorgeous.

I would love nothing more than to take her on a date, but that would be strange. We have never spoken and all I do from the moment she enters the café to when she leaves is covertly look at her whenever I can. Occasionally I caught her looking at me, so I have hope that something will happen between us.

Every night I wish to the stars for my dream to be answered so I can properly meet this stunning angel.

He’s easily the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen. Black hair, soft brown skin, gorgeous violet eyes. He’s always at the café, sitting at the table tucked away in the corner. Always reading. Sometimes  looking at me.

When I first caught him looking at me, I couldn’t help the deep blush that bloomed. I promptly glared at him, turning back to my sketch, fighting the tug of my lips, fighting the smile. I was flattered, of course. He could be an Abercrombie model. And the perfect subject for my next drawing.

My grip tightened around the pencil I was holding. I hadn’t thought of anything new to draw in ages; usually I redrew old pieces of art, making them better using the skills I’d obtained through the years.

I glanced once more at the stranger but averted my gaze when I noticed he was still looking at me.

What did he see in me? What did he see that made him gaze at me with interest? As if I were his savior?

Weeks passed by with us continuing to dance around each other. It was obvious by now that she had an interest in me, and it was painfully obvious that I had an interest in her. So I decided to ask her out.

But I chickened out the first time I planned to.

Now I was going to try again.

The beautiful creature had gotten up to go to the restroom, and, due to my stalling, I wound up being late to meet Cassian and Azriel at the movies.

Tomorrow, I promised myself. If she is here tomorrow, then I will ask her out.

As I was leaving, I made sure to walk by her table in hopes of glimpsing whatever it is she was working on in her sketchbook before leaving the table. I knew I should ask first, but I was curious.

What I saw made stop dead in my tracks. She had been sketching a familiar young man. She did not need to add color to her art in order for me to recognize him; his features I knew so well were a giveaway.

She drew me.

I was so shocked by the realization that the breathtaking woman had paid enough attention to me for her sketch to be done so accurately that I hadn’t heard the approaching footsteps.

“Crap, this is mortifying.”

I spun around, coming face to face with the angel of my dreams.

“Uh, hi.” Immediately I scolded myself. Out of all the words in the English language I could have used, I chose ‘uh, hi’ ?

“Hey,” Her face was bright red, making her cute freckles stand out. “You probably think I’m some creep. I am so sorry. I should have asked if I could sketch you first. I mean I don’t even know you, it’s just that you are incredibly handsome and a perfect model! I just had this urge, y’know? Like, if I couldn’t capture you in my sketchbook, then what will I do? Aaaand I just realized that is even creepier, so I’ll just go, and —”

“No!” The word burst out of me, cutting off her ramble. “I mean, I don’t want you to go. I, uh, have actually been meaning to… get to know you. You’re interesting to me. Does that sound strange? Shit, it does, doesn’t it? I just mean that I felt a… connection — now that’s sappy and double weird. We aren’t in some Hollywood movie. But, I, um, was wondering if we could — and this probably seems bizarre to you — go on a date? Maybe. I don’t know why you would agree, but I would like to. So, uh, yeah.”

I looked down at my shoes, hoping she wouldn’t see the blush creeping up my cheeks to my ears. When the silence went on for much longer than I would’ve liked, I started praying for the floor to swallow me whole. There was no doubt in my mind that she was going to turn me down. I know I would if was in her position.

“Are you always this articulate? I got the impression you were some suave man.” I looked up to see her lips had curled into an amused smirk. “But… I suppose I could be persuaded into a date.” Then she laughed. And I would do anything — anything — to hear it for the rest of my laugh.

God, I have the inner monologue of a cliché romance!

“Trust me, I usually am suave. Just not around you apparently. Oh, I’m Rhysand by the way. My friends call me Rhys.”

“It’s nice to finally meet you, Rhys,” she held out her hand. “I’m Feyre.”

Cauldron, her hand is soft.

Shut up, Rhys.

“So, how can I persuade you to go out with me?”

Feyre laughed again, a full-bellied laugh. “I was kidding, Rhys! I’ve also been wanting to ask you out, and I totally got what you meant about the Hollywood movie connection feeling. Does Friday work? At… eight?”

“Yeah, that’s fine by me.” In all honesty, I would have said tonight, but that would be pushing it. I mean, I have no idea how much I already freaked Feyre out.

“Great! I need to leave, so can I get your number now?”

“Of course,” Hearing she had a place to be reminded me of my own plans. We swapped phones and put in our contact info.

“Sorry for keeping you from the… movies, I think? You have tons of texts from someone named Cassian.” Feyre added when I looked confused. I had completely ignored the buzzing in my pocket and the fact that I was extremely late.

“It’s alright. I much prefer your company over Cassian’s.”

“Well, it seems Cassian is desperate for your company, and I really do need to be going. See you Friday, Rhys!”

“Bye, Feyre.”

When I got to the movies, I tuned out Cassian’s questions — “Why the hell are you late?” and “What’s got you grinning like an idiot, Rhysie?” being the two constants —as well as the movie.

I couldn’t get Feyre out of my head.

“Feyre! I was wondering when you’d come!” Alis said.

“Sorry! I got held up! Where’s Lucien?” I looked around for my other close friend, but he was nowhere to be found in the park.

“He texted saying he was held up by something. He’ll be here in about thirty minutes.”

“Do you think he and Andras are having sex?” Lucien and Andras had moved in together recently, and they constantly took advantage of their newfound privacy.

“There’s no doubt in my mind!” Alis laughed. “But seriously, girl, what happened? I was ready to start searching for you when you weren’t at our table; you’re the most punctual person I know!”

“I have a good reason, I promise! You remember that handsome guy I mentioned a few times? The one frequently at the Sidra?”

“‘Mentioned a few times’? Fey, you gush about him for hours!”

“I don’t!” I protested. “Anyway, I’ve been sketching him and he saw it.” Alis gasped, her hands flying up to cover her mouth. “I know! It was beyond mortifying! I started rambling like I always do when I get nervous, but then he cut me off, asking me on a date!”

“No way!” Alis squealed, her horror morphing into joy.

“Yes way! And Rhysand — that’s his name — was so cute while asking; he was blushing and fumbling his words. You know how I find that endearing!”

“Nothing is more swoon worthy than a guy who gets all flustered!” Alis agreed.

“Right! Anyway, I agreed — obviously — so Friday night, guess who’s got a hot date?”

“That’s my girl!” Alis cheered. “I can’t wait to meet Rhys! Then, you guys will be engaged, have a lovely wedding where I will be the maid of honor, have kids, and grow old together!”

I smacked Alis’s arm. “Jeez, Alis, slow down! We haven’t even gone on our first date yet!” Though I had to admit that I wouldn’t mind if what she said came true.

“Alis! Feyre!” Lucien called out, jogging towards us. “Hey, guys!”

“Hello, Lucien. I’m surprised you are up and running. Andras didn’t tire you out?” Alis teased.

Lucien’s smirk was downright wicked. “He will when I go back home. I didn’t want to abandon you and Feyre.”

“Alis and I were having a grand time without you, Luc.” I said.

“Oh I see how it is. You two are cutting me out of the group.” He wiped away fake tears. “I’ll just leave now, I suppose. Since you two don’t want me. It’s alright, I’m used to it.”

We all laughed before Alis told Lucien how Rhys and I were going on a date, causing me to retell the story, this time with Alis’s input.

I left Velaris Park with a huge smile on my face, eager for my date with Rhys.

Thank you for reading! x

Tagging: @sjmaasandallthesass @the-annabethchase @sugarcoated44 @ourbooksuniverse @ame233 @tyblckthrn

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[soybeantree]

be careful what others wish for pt. 1

excerpt: “Are you Mark or some other idol?” Her best friend’s body sighed and rolled her eyes. “You really think anyone else would be this calm about waking up in some random girl’s body?” pairing: erm…ofc/mark, ofc/jinyoung, markjin…kind of parts: o1 genre/rating: LITERALCRACK! fluff. word count: 2.2k a/n: so yes we wrote a sequel to our garbage. if you want to read the original garbage you can do so here. italics is spoken korean.

Burrowing deeper in her covers, Dee tried to conserve the warmth and fight her growing wakefulness. She wasn’t ready for the busy day ahead of her, and she guessed she still had about thirty minutes before her alarm went off. Just as she felt herself drift, the door to her room slammed open. Dee whined and kicked her feet, getting them all balled up in the covers. “What the hell, Jay? Let me have my last thirty minutes?” “I’m not Jay.” 

The voice was Jay’s without a doubt, but this was one joke her friend would never make. Sitting up, she stared at her best friend’s body which stood in her doorway outlined by the hallway light. At this point, most people would question the sanity of their friend, supposing some mental break had happened, but Dee didn’t have that luxury. She knew that while the body before her might be her friends, the soul it housed was not. “Are you Mark or some other idol?” Her best friend’s body sighed and rolled her eyes. “You really think anyone else would be this calm about waking up in some random girl’s body?” “I don’t know, perhaps. I’m sure there has to be someone who would be so excited by the novelty that they wouldn’t freak out at first.” Mark furrowed his brows, and Dee just shrugged her shoulders. “I’m sorry. I don’t know. I’m still half asleep and trying to process the fact that this shit happened again.” 

Over a year had passed since her friend had made a ridiculous wish which had sent them off on the craziest adventure of their lives. Jay had wished to spend the day with Got7’s Jinyoung. The universe had granted her wish in the most unconventional and inconvenient way possible. She had swapped bodies with Got7’s Mark. The two had eventually switched back, and Dee and Jay had parted ways with Mark. While they had stayed in touch the first few months after the switch, life and distance had gotten in the way. Dee hadn’t heard from Mark in nearly a year. “Believe me, you are not alone. Has Jay been wishing again?” Dee let out a dry laugh and shook her head. “After what happened last time, she gives water fountains a wide birth, looks away whenever there’s a shooting star, and refused to have candles on her birthday cake. She learned her lesson. What about you?” Mark shook his head. “I’ve been too busy with work.” Dee’s eyes went wide. “Work. Oh shit! I completely forgot about work.” She glanced at her phone just as the alarm went off. “Shit.” She threw off her covers and stood up. The chill morning air hit her bare legs and sent goose bumps racing up them, reminding her that she had only slept in an old t-shirt and a pair of shorts which, given the present company, were far too revealing. Her head whipped around, and she found her best friend’s eyes on her legs. “Mark Tuan!” “I forgot you didn’t wear much to sleep.” The comment earned him a pillow to his face, but he effortlessly caught it. “Does this mean I can’t use the ‘you might hurt Mark tactic to get out of trouble?’” “Yes.” He laughed. While the sound emitted from her friend’s body, the laugh was completely Mark’s. They really had switched again.

After putting on a pair of pants and brewing a pot of coffee, Dee sat at her kitchen table, reading through the nearly one hundred messages on her phone. Instead of calling and waking her - because Jay knew how much Dee loved her sleep - the girl had blown up both Dee’s and her own phone. Mark was also reading through his messages as he sipped on his coffee. He chuckled ever so often. “I forgot how over the top Jay can be.” He said as he finished up the last message. “Well, if you ever want to swap her out with another member of Got7, I’ll take Youngjae in return.” Dee shook her head. The messages were a downward spiral of panic. Jay had apparently woken as Mark in the middle of a restaurant surrounded by Got6. After hiding in the bathroom for thirty minutes, she had been forced out by Jinyoung and spent the rest of the evening with him and Yugyeom which had been both wonderful and the most painful experience of her life. As she finished up the last message, another one popped up. ‘I don’t know how I’ve lasted this long, but I don’t think I can take it anymore.’ “Jay just messaged ‘I’m sorry, Mark. It looks like your going to have to stay in my body forever.’” He showed her the message, and Dee rolled her eyes. “I think it’s time to call.” She clicked on the call button and waited through five rings before a scream filled her ears. She dropped the phone and hissed at it. “You LITERALLY don’t have to scream in my ear!” The banshee wail ceased, and Dee picked up her phone. “Sorry, it’s just been a long day and I had to sneak away to the bathroom to answer this call and I just needed a moment to freak out because I haven’t had one.” She could hear Jay gulping air as she recovered from her word vomit. The sound of Mark’s voice brought a small smile to Dee’s face, even if it was Jay speaking. “Still doesn’t mean you should scream in my ear, and we know how long your day has been. We just read the play by play.” “Is Mark with you?” Dee made a sound of acknowledgment. “Is this his fault? Did he do this because he misses you so much and you wouldn’t call him or text him so-” “Shut-up! You’re lucky you’re not on speaker, or I would kill your body. Then your soul would have nowhere to go when you two switch back.” Mark eyed her from across the table, but she waved away his concern. Jay had made many similar jabs over the past year, but Dee always steadfastly ignored them. Her friend may be convinced that Mark liked her, but she did not hold out such hope. The friendship they had only existed because of a shared experience and had no place outside the confines of that weird history. “You really think Mark would willingly do this after everything that happened last time?” “Well, it wasn’t me, and he’s the one who lives in Korea where the wishing fountain is.” She defended herself. “You’re sure it wasn’t you?” The line went silent, and Dee could practically feel the anger seething through the phone. “It’s not a ridiculous question.” “But it is a rude one.” “You’re right. I’m sorry.” She sighed as she met Mark’s eyes. He had scrunched up Jay’s face and was flicking her eyes between Dee’s and the phone. With a sigh, she placed it on the table and hit the speaker button. “You’re on speaker now.” Threats laced her voice. “Mark!” Jay called, genuine glee in her voice. “Long time no talk. We really shouldn’t wait until our bodies switch to catch up with one another.” Mark snorted and shook his head. “What’s our plan of action?” “You’re the one who’s been awake the longest. You haven’t thought of anything?” Dee asked. Silence again before another sigh. “Not really. I was hoping that Mark had made the wish for some reason. Then I could possibly go and unmake the wish in his body like we did last time.” “But we don’t even know if that’s what really changed us back last time.” Mark piped in. “The only other thought I had was the time.” “Time?” Dee and Mark asked in unison. “Yeah, like you pointed out, I’ve had a lot of time to think. And I was thinking that last time we were in each other bodies for about 24 hours. So maybe this body switching thing is on some sort of timer. All we have to do is wait 24 hours, and we’ll switch back.” Dee and Mark met eyes and shrugged their shoulders. It was as good an option as any. “It’s worth a shot. How long has it been?” Dee asked. Another pause as Jay fiddled with something. “Uhhh… about seven hours, so far.” ‘Seven?’ Dee mouthed the word as her face fell. “You can’t tell me you’re disappointed that you get to spend sixteen or so hours with Mark.” Mark snorted and Dee glared at the phone. “I shouldn’t have said that should I?” “No.” Mark said with a chuckle. “We’re hanging up now. We’ll talk in sixteen hours.” Dee ended the phone call before Jay could add anything else. “So what now?” Mark asked. He rubbed at the handle of his coffee mug and avoided her eyes, but there was still a smile on his face. She could strangle Jay sometimes. “First, I have to call into work.” “You have to work?” Dee blinked uncertain of how to respond. “I mean it’s the holidays. You have to work over the holidays.” Dee nodded. “I got off for Christmas, and I’ll get off for New Years, but my company’s not able to give us a full two weeks off for the holidays. Thankfully, I do have a little vacation time to use, and I think Jay does too.” She said as she stood up and cleared her mug. “I wouldn’t think it’s that surprising. I mean you work over the holidays too.” “We performed on Christmas, but we don’t have any other performances until New Years Eve. We have a fan sign tomorrow though.” The mug slipped out of Dee’s hand and crashed into the sink. She whirled around and faced Mark, her eyes wide.“And you didn’t think that was something you should share with Jay? What time is it? Will you two have switched back by then?” Mark tried and failed to keep a smile from slipping across Jay’s face. Dee knew that smile. She hated that smile. It always meant trouble for her. “Fan signs aren’t hard. There’s no performing. You just have to entertain the fans.” “You’re cruel.” Dee shook her head and turned back to the sink. The mug, thankfully, hadn’t chipped. She turned on the faucet and grabbed the sponge. “I’m not cruel. I just think it’ll be funny. Can you imagine Jay at a fan sign, along with all the other boys?” She could, far too clearly. The image was hilarious, but that didn’t mean it should happen. Dee rinsed off her mug and set it in the dish wrack to dry. She turned and nearly jumped out of her skin. Mark was standing next to her, holding his mug. “I can wash it.” He held the mug close to his chest, but she reached out and grabbed it from him. Her fingers brushed his as she did and a spark raced up her arm, sending chills down her spine. Her cheeks immediately flushed as she stepped back. The reaction was unexpected and unwanted. While it was Mark standing next to her, it was still Jay’s body, and she had never had that reaction to her friend. Mark grinned, and she growled. “I hate this. I hate this so much. Why does my best friend have to switch bodies with-” But she stopped before she could embarrass herself further. “With?” Mark goaded, taking a step forward.

“With you.” She managed to say around the lump in her throat. Mark shook his head. “No, that’s not what you were going to say.” Mark had lowered her friend’s voice and somehow made it sound husky. She was done with this. She was done with Mark being in her friend’s body, and she was done with her body reacting to it. She grabbed a nearby spatula and brandished it at Mark. “Do you think Jay would be okay with you acting this way in her body?” She questioned. “Yes.” The sad thing was he was right. Jay would be dying in the corner if she was able to witness this. “Why do I have to have such a weird best friend?” Dee passed a hand over her face, but still kept the spatula aloft between them. “I have a question.” With a weary sigh, Dee nodded for him to ask. “If I was in my body, would you act the same way?”   “Yes!” The answer was instantaneous, and her eyes snapped up to meet Mark’s as it slipped out. “No. What? I don’t- why are you asking me that?” Mark shrugged, but his lips were pressed into a thin smile. Her friend had never worn the expression before, and Dee’s mind raced for an explanation for it. Over the years, she had learned to read her friend’s every emotion from her facial expressions. When Mark entered her friend’s body, the skill had remained. Jay’s body, it seemed, was hardwired to react certain ways based on emotions. But whatever emotion Mark had was one Jay had never expressed. “Mark-” “We should call in. Do you know the number for Jay’s work?” The expression was gone, and Jay’s face was blank. Dee sighed and shook her head.

[wittystiles]

The Bluff || Part 6 || Mitch Rapp

Author: wittystiles

Word Count: 4k+

Relationship: Mitch Rapp x Reader (eventually idfk when tho)

Summary: (Y/N) has a secret meeting with Stan, and Mitch is kind of sweet? For a second? Who knows.

Warnings: Cursing (probably). Sass. Donut carnage.

A/N: It has been a month since I wrote the last chapter to this fic, and I don’t know how the heck I managed to even be able to write again. This suddenly came to me and I wrote it relatively quickly. Is Sam’s spark back? The world may never know. - Also, this is my Christmas Eve chapter for you. I will post another one /tomorrow/! Yes, you read me right. I will be posting another one tomorrow. Two bluff chapters in a row? Sam must really love y’all to give you such a great* gift (*by great Sam means terrible). Enjoy, my sweets.

Mitch rubbed at his eyes tiredly, feeling hot. He looked down at (Y/N), her arm wrapped around his ribs and her head on his chest. He wrapped his fingers around her wrist, moving her arm off of his body. He took a moment to stretch his legs before slipping out of the bed carefully, (Y/N) slowly sliding off of his body onto the bed. She shifted a bit, grunting a little, repositioning herself to rest her head on the pillow Mitch had been using.

Mitch dragged his eyes down her body, making sure she was still asleep before walking around the front of the bed, picking up his now dry jeans. He slipped his legs into them, pulling his jeans up to his hips, fastening the button. “(Y/N),” Mitch whispered tentatively, watching her shift her legs underneath the covers. When she didn’t wake, he pulled a mostly clean shirt out of his suitcase and over his head. He tugged on his socks, sighing heavily.

Rummaging around in his suitcase, he found his wallet, checking to make sure he had a few euro in it before stuffing it into his back pocket. His burner phone was on the nightstand beside the bed, charging. Mitch figured he wouldn’t need it, but decided to grab it just in case (Y/N) wanted to try and contact anyone. He took the cord out of the back of the hotel phone on the nightstand, yanking it out of the wall as well. He wound it up tightly, stuffing it into the front pocket of his jeans. He figured (Y/N) wouldn’t be up for a few hours anyway, but wanted to cover his bases.

Walking out of the bedroom, Mitch closed the door behind him, slipping his feet into his shoes near the bedroom door. Doing a look around the room, Mitch found his gun hidden underneath the cushion of the couch he’d slept on the night prior. He pulled it out and secured it into the back of his pants, making sure to pull his shirt down to cover it. After double checking there were no weapons that (Y/N) could find and use against him when he returned, he pocketed the room key from the table by the door and walked out.

Stan hit the door three times, leaving two breaths between each knock, waiting patiently for the door to be opened. Entering the room, he looked (Y/N) over, narrowing his eyes a bit at her outfit. “You making it a habit of wearing his clothes?”

(Y/N) narrowed her eyes at Stan in return, taking a seat on the couch after shutting the door behind him. “I was left with no other clothes, Stan. What else do you expect me to wear? Hmm?”

“Let’s not give me attitude first thing in the morning, (Y/N).” Stan warned, holding out a coffee cup to her. “We’re going to have Irene call him and stall him for a moment. Figured I owed you a coffee.”

(Y/N) took it, holding it tightly between her hands. “Is it drugged again? Poisoned perhaps?”

Stan took a deep breath, taking a seat on the opposite end of the couch as (Y/N). “Don’t start acting like Rapp. I swear to all that is mightier than me, I will kill you both without hesitation and take whatever punishment there may be for me. Considering how horrible that bastard is though, I expect a thank-you medal.” Stan rest the ankle of his left leg on the knee of his right. “How is your shoulder?” Stan pointed at the spot where her wound was on his own shoulder, leaning back against the couch to get comfortable.

“It hurts like a bitch, actually. If I am being completely honest with you, Stan. Mitch did a good job stitching me up, though. Won’t leave a terrible scar or anything. I was impressed with him.”

“How has he been treating you? We’ve got surveillance in every part of the hotel where there is a security camera, but this room doesn’t have anything. If you were murdered we’d have no way of knowing until it was too late.”

(Y/N) lifted her good arm, running her hand through her hair, ignoring the few knots. “He has been kind. I am starting to worry that you’ve assigned me to the wrong assassin, Stan. He has been gentle with me, even. He stitched me up, helped me with coming down from the drugs you guys gave me. I will be filing a complaint about, do you hear me?”

Stan rolled his eyes, “you aren’t going to file a complaint to anyone, (Y/N). There’s no one to complain to, aside from Irene and I. No one else knows about this mission, (Y/N). No one aside from the three of us, and the discontinued agent we brought in for the arms dealer that is.”

“Discontinued agent?” (Y/N) asked, furrowing her eyebrows together.

“Not important. He was just, less than satisfactory, according to Irene. He’s no longer with the organization.”

(Y/N) took a few slow, deep breaths. It was conversations like this amongst agents that reminded her just how expendable they all were. They were rats on a wheel, powering a machine larger than any of them fully understood. The moment one rat became unsatisfactory, they could be easily swapped for another. It was in the rare case, such as Rapp’s, that they tried to fix the rat. Mend it’s wonky whiskers. “Who killed him?”

Stan rolled his eyes, “no one, (Y/N). He wasn’t killed. He was just, discontinued.”

“Which means killed. I’m not an idiot, Stan.”

Stan scoffed, picking at a piece of frayed denim at the ankle of his jeans. “Let’s not start a conversation about smarts, (Y/N).”

(Y/N) went to retort and Stan stopped her, clearing his throat. “Has he mentioned getting you home, yet?” Stan wondered, rubbing his jaw with the hand that wasn’t picking at his jeans.

(Y/N) shook her head.

“Of course he hasn’t. He doesn’t plan anything, he just does.” Stan took a deep inhale. “I’ll call him later, discuss your transportation with him. You should bring up him buying you clothes today. If he takes you with him, use this as a means of building his trust. Get close to him. Show him you’re not going to be a flight risk. If he feels less on guard, he’ll be easier for you to handle. I’ve learned that the hard way. Apparently telling him I’m going to kill him in his sleep for two weeks straight had him on edge. I have no idea why.”

(Y/N) laughed out loud, bringing her coffee up to drink, silencing the noise. “I have no idea either, Stan.” She said after swallowing the warm, bitter liquid. “I will act as his sweet, doting girlfriend in public who is overjoyed that her boyfriend is buying her clothes. Would that work for you?”

“You can do whatever you want, (Y/N). Just don’t piss him off in public.”

“Will you have someone tailing us?”

“I will be somewhere near you guys.”

“So you’re going to chaperone our date, Stan?”

Stan rolled his eyes, “yes.”

(Y/N) nodded before taking another drink from her cup, trying to rapidly down the liquid. “He’s nice, you know? Like. Genuinely nice.”

“Is he?” Stan asked, eyebrow raised at the woman beside him. He never thought that someone would tell him that Mitch Rapp was nice, without an ounce of loathing to their voice. “I am surprised.”

(Y/N) shrugged, “don’t get me wrong. He’s sarcastic, and kind of an asshole, really takes after you there, Stan. But. He’s nice. You can tell he once had a good heart. And he’s really trying with me. It’s obvious he isn’t used to having to nurse a victim, or play the hero to someone he has to actually interact with.” She took another sip. “I just think that, once you break down his ‘oh I’m a tough guy who kills people’ facade, there’s a genuinely good human being underneath.”

“Are you sure the drugs have worn off?”

“I’m serious.” She sighed, shaking her head a little. “He gave me a, what I am assuming was rare, moment of real and genuine emotion. He assured me that he was going to get me home. That he was going to keep me safe. It was like, for a moment, I wasn’t talking to the cold and cautious Mitch Rapp that I had read about or first encountered. He was.. He was sweet? He seemed like he really meant it. Like he cared that I felt safe and secure with him. That I knew that he was there to help and protect me.”

“He is. Technically. He just doesn’t know that there is no real threat.”

“He doesn’t have to be the way he is with me though. He could just tell me I’ll be fine and ignore me. He sat with me though, listened to my cover story. He even held my hand. Made sure I wasn’t scared to tell him what I had fabricated. He even..” she smiled softly to herself. “He even made sure I was comfortable with him helping me bathe, in case I hadn’t been.” She shook her head, thinking back to the conversations she and Rapp had had.

“So he’s a decent human being sometimes, who cares?”

“I care.” (Y/N) grumbled, finishing her coffee, holding the cup out to Stan to take. She watched him grab it, her eyes landing on her own hand. She couldn’t help but miss the way Mitch’s hand had felt in her own, how gently he had rubbed it with his thumb. How comforting his touch had been. She dropped her hand to her lap, missing Mitch’s.

“I should head out.” Stan said, standing from the couch, (Y/N)’s coffee cup still in his hand. She stood up as well, ready to walk him out. “You should go get back in bed, (Y/N). Act asleep when Mitch returns.”

“Okay,” (Y/N) sighed. She rest her hands on her hips. “How long do you think I’m gonna be stuck with him?” She asked.

“For as long as you’re useful with him, (Y/N).”

She nodded, watching him walk out before returning to the bedroom. She crawled under the sheets, scooting her body to lay on the side Mitch had slept in. Her side smelt like nothing, unable to smell her own natural scent. His side, however, smelt warm. Like him. Like the cologne she had seen in his duffle bag when he was looking for something for her to wear. She couldn’t pinpoint what his natural smell was, couldn’t describe it if someone asked her. The only thing she knew about it, was that she liked it. Made her feel safe. Maybe it was just the man behind the scent that made her feel safe. Whatever it was. She wasn’t against it.

As (Y/N) was falling back into sleep, warm under the covers on Mitch’s side of the mattress, she had a fleeting thought that worried her.

/You’re going to start falling for this man/.

Mitch returned to the room annoyed, nostrils flared as he set two coffees and a brown paper bag down on the coffee table. “(Y/N)?” He called, making his way back to the bedroom. He sighed when he saw her on her side, curled up around his pillow, fast asleep. “(Y/N).” He repeated, this time softer. She didn’t react.

He licked his lips, bringing his left hand up to rub over his soft pink lips and along the scratchy stubble of his chin and jaw. “(Y/N).” He said for the third time, making his way over to the bed. He leaned forward, resting his hand on her hip, shaking her gently to wake her up. He watched her face, soft with sleep. Mitch would be a fool if he didn’t find her beautiful. With her smooth skin, and lips pursed into an unconscious pout. Had he been a different man, he would have already imagined all the ways she would kiss him with those lips. Soft pecks in the morning when she had just woken up. Long, sloppy kisses while sitting on his lap. Slow, open mouthed kisses while they laid together. Wet, random kisses along his chest.

Mitch had to shake his head to stop his mind from wandering any further. She’s a mission, he reminded himself. His hand gripped her hip a little tighter, shaking her a bit harder to rouse her from sleep completely. “(Y/N), please wake up.”

She let out a soft noise that made Mitch take in a sharp breath. He worried he had been gripping her tighter than he thought. When she made another similar noise before stretching her arms out, he realized he wasn’t the cause.

“Morning.” She whispered, voice scratchy from just waking up. Mitch smiled down at her, letting it fall from his lips the second her eyes cracked open.

“Good morning, (Y/N).”

She pushed herself up in bed, and Mitch withdrew his hand from her. “I brought back coffee and donuts for breakfast. I don’t know if you eat either, but. I was in the mood for it so that is what you get.”

“That’s fine,” (Y/N) said, running her fingers through her hair. “Thank you.”

Mitch watched her carefully. He liked seeing her freshly woken. Since he had lost his fiance, he hadn’t considered ever liking the way someone looks in the morning again. He was wrong. He wanted to see her first thing in the morning every day he could. Maybe he wouldn’t make her leave immediately after they got home after all.

“Want me to bring your food in here?” He asked, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his jeans, being reminded of the phone cord he had stuffed in earlier.

(Y/N) shook her head, hair falling back into her face. She sighed, pushing it back again. “No, thank you. I’ll come out with you.”

Mitch held his hand out to her, helping her up from the mattress. “I also got you a toothbrush from housekeeping. It’s in the bag as well cause I didn’t know where else to put it.”

(Y/N) gave him a toothy smile, “thank you. My dragon breath and I are appreciative.”

“My nose is appreciative. You were breathing directly on my face last night and I almost gagged.”

(Y/N) stared at him, watching the way his lips curled up on the sides before he laughed. She followed suit, loving the way his laughter sounded. She had heard it the night before, while the two of them were attempting to shower. But she couldn’t fully grasp how much she appreciated it until now. She could hear it everyday and never get tired of it. She made a mental note to herself that she needed to be funny for him often.

“Don’t make fun of me, Mitch.” (Y/N) said without any venom in her words. She was trying to stop the smile from lighting up her face, and Mitch wanted nothing more than for it to stay.

“You were laying on my left side. Am I missing any of my facial hair on that side? I feel like your breath was so bad you could have singed it off.”

(Y/N) laughed again, giving Mitch a playful glare, “fuck off.”

“I guess I’ll go check for myself. I hope I have more than just half of an eyebrow on this side.” He winked at her, and she tried not taking a deep breath. Mitch turned to head for the bathroom and (Y/N) caught his wrist before he could move away. “I swear you’re an ass.”

“And you’re the hole.” Mitch remarked, giving her another wink. “C’mon let's go eat.”

The two walked to the living room, Mitch immediately taking a seat on the couch. (Y/N) picked her coffee up, offering Mitch his. He took it, giving her a half smile when she sat down. “Thank you.”

“Thanks for getting it.” She replied, leaning forward to grab the bag from the table. She tossed the toothbrush aside, holding the bag out for Mitch to remove a donut from. “I hope you somehow managed to know that I liked sprinkle donuts.”

Mitch broke into a cocky smile, “that’s funny.” He shook his head. “I had a whole entire debate with myself at the counter while looking at the donuts. I was going to go with two glazed, but then I saw a glazed with sprinkles and figured that might be more your speed. And then I went back to glazed because I didn’t want to assume. But then I saw the chocolate with sprinkles, and-” Mitch stopped himself from rambling for a full minute about his donut picking process. “Basically I ended up getting you a glazed with sprinkles. You’re welcome.”

(Y/N) reached into the bag, pulled out the donut, and furrowed her brows. “Why is there only half?”

“I ate the other.” Mitch said, biting into his own glazed. “I like sprinkles too, (Y/N). You’re not the only one.”

“Does this mean you bit into my donut, Mitch? Do I have to throw the whole thing away because it’s contaminated with your saliva? I don’t know where your mouth has been.”

Mitch fought with everything he had not to respond but I know where you want it to be. “You can handle a little bit of my saliva on your donut, (Y/N). It won’t kill you.”

“No, but I might kill you for being such a dick.”

Mitch laughed again, and (Y/N) forced herself not to smile. “I’d love to see you try.”

(Y/N) leaned forward as Mitch brought his donut up, taking a bite out of the side he hadn’t. He pulled the donut away from her mouth and his in shock, staring at her with wide eyes and shiny lips.

“Did you just bite my donut?” Mitch asked, right cheek puffy with the bite he had taken.

(Y/N) nodded, licking the glaze off of her lips slowly. Mitch was too distracted by her tongue to be able to form a snappy reply.  “I did.” She chewed quickly, swallowing the donut she had stolen. “It was only fair since you greedily ate half of mine. Besides, your reaction was better than that donut anyway. I’ve never seen you looking so stunned, Mitch.”

“I can’t believe your audacity.”  Mitch said, honestly. He took a napkin from the bag, setting it down on the coffee table. He rest his donut down on it, and grabbed (Y/N)’s wrist in his hand. “Let’s go. I’m putting you back into the bedroom and you can be tied up again, like you once were, since you wanted to be so bold.”

“NO!” (Y/N) shouted, pulling her wrist back in utter shock. “You’re not fucking tying me up. You’re - you’re insane!” She stammered a little on the you’re, shrinking away from Mitch. He took this moment of shock to grab the other half of the donut from her, dropping her wrist and picking up the other donut before she could react.

“You’re right.” Mitch’s voice remained the deep and emotionless tone it always was. “I’m not going to tie you back up. I was just saying that to get what I wanted. It was easier than I thought it would be. Your reflexes are terrible.” He acknowledged, looking at the half donut between his index finger and thumb. He gave her a smirk before taking a bite out of it. “I hope you’re not hungry. You’re going to have to wait for lunch now.”

(Y/N) stared at him for a moment, calculating her next move. She watched him take another bite, shooting her leg out to kick his hand with her foot, knocking the nearly whole donut from his hand. She watched it fall to the ground, his face falling from the cocky smirk into a look of shock that matched her own prior. She stood and stepped on the donut, taking the opportunity to take the remains of the half of the other donut he held. She shoved the whole of it into her mouth before falling back down onto the couch, grabbing a napkin to wipe her foot off. “There.” She huffed. “No one gets that donut.”

Mitch took a deep breath, (Y/N)’s eyes trained on the rise of his chest. When he exhaled her eyes snapped up to meet his. He was expressionless, his features absolutely neutral. “That’s fine (Y/N). I’ll just reiterate, you will now have to wait until lunch to eat. I hope you aren’t hungry.”

(Y/N) tossed the napkin that was covered in the glaze from her foot onto the coffee table, leaning back against the couch to get comfortable, completely aware and cautious of her shoulder injury. “I’ll be fine, Mitch.”

He didn’t respond to her, simply turned his attention to the smooshed donut on the floor and grabbed the final napkin to clean it up. He put the trash into the brown paper bag that had been used to carry the donuts to the room, and stood from the couch. After throwing the bag into the trash, Mitch returned to the couch, sitting down on it heavily. (Y/N) huffed and leaned forward to grab her coffee, eyes going wide when Mitch took it before she could reach it.

“Why did you do that?”

Mitch shrugged, setting the coffee cup onto the small table beside him. “I figured if you want to be petty, I would stoop to your level. I have nothing going on today. I can be petty if I please.”

“You’re such an asshole, you know that.”

“I would rather be the asshole than the whole ass, (Y/N). You’ve got that title.”

“I liked you better when you didn’t speak.”

Mitch shrugged, “that’s usually the case. I liked you better when you were unconscious.”

(Y/N) glared, “then why did you wake me?”

“To feed you.” “But you ate my food,” (Y/N) replied in way of counter.

Mitch shook his head, “no. I ate half of your food, and was going to give you half of my donut to make things fair and even. You reacted poorly and therefore you fucked yourself out of a donut and coffee.”

(Y/N) grumbled, crossing her arms over her chest. “Fine.”

“Fine.” Mitch repeated, picking his own coffee up from the table, sipping from it slowly. The two sat in silence for a moment, (Y/N) watching Mitch, Mitch pretending like he wasn’t watching her. “Your face looks better.” (Y/N) finally said, breaking the silence between the two of them. Mitch rest his coffee on his thigh, holding it loosely in his hand. “Pardon?” He asked, furrowing his brows. His free hand came up to his face, rubbing his cheek. He wasn’t aware it had looked bad.

“Your nose,” (Y/N) pointed to her own nose. “It was really bruised yesterday, it looks a bit better today. Like you’re not about to have it fall off at any second.”

Mitch shrugged, uncaring about his face now. “I thought you were telling me I was ugly yesterday and now you decided I was attractive. I was rather confused.”

“You know you’re attractive Mitch, don’t pretend.”

Mitch shook his head, “I used to think I was handsome before I joined the CIA. But. I’ve had my nose broken so many times, and my face punched and cut even more. I don’t even think about my looks anymore. It’s irrelevant to anything going on in my life. I don’t need to worry about being the handsome man I used to be. I don’t need to worry about presenting myself as attractive to someone I like. I don’t like anyone anymore. Instead, I worry about not getting killed. I worry about how to keep myself from getting another scar or another broken bone.”

(Y/N) sighed, “isn’t that kind of depressing?”

“Not everything is about looks, (Y/N).”

She shook her head, “that isn’t what I meant. I meant, isn’t it kind of depressing not to want someone? I know a relationship isn’t everything, Mitch. Just. Don’t you ever get lonely?”

“How can I get lonely when I always have Stan up my ass, telling me everything I’ve done wrong?”

“Who’s Stan?” (Y/N) asked, tucking her legs underneath her. “Is he your-” She left the end of her question open, expecting Mitch to fill in the blank. “Stan is my boss,” Mitch supplied.

“Ah. Well. I hope he keeps you warm at night.”

Mitch shrugged, “his hatred for me certainly does give me a spark but. Last night I was kept warm by you, so. I guess you’re my relationship.”

(Y/N) stared at him, “what?”

“I was just trying to end this conversation and thought if I said that you’d accept that as something. I was wrong.”

(Y/N) opened her mouth to respond to Mitch, getting silenced by the sound of a phone ringing. Mitch shoved his hand into his pocket and pulled it out, producing a silver cell phone. “Stan.”

“Ah,” (Y/N) nodded. “You know what they say. Speak of the devil, the devil calls back.”

“I’ve never heard that before in my life, (Y/N).”

“Well. Answer the phone,” (Y/N) gestured for Mitch to answer with her hand. He complied, bringing the phone up to his ear. He stood up as he said “hello”, walking away from her to the bedroom. She took this opportunity to lean across the couch and grab her coffee, swallowing from the cup vigorously.

Mitch returned from the bedroom after a few beats, (Y/N) setting the coffee cup down fast, feeling caught.

“I’m going to give you something to wear and you and I are going shopping.” Mitch said while shoving his phone into his pocket.

“Why?” (Y/N) asked.

Mitch sighed, “because apparently we have to.”

~

Tags: @ellie-bee242, @redstringlovers, @lovefilledtragedy, @cathobs, @sumcp, @teamwolf2411, @confidentrose, @daddyxraeken, @iloveteenwolf24-blog, @kal-pal, @stilinski-stydia-obrien, @omgimafuckingmermaid, @cuillere

If you would like to be tagged in this fic, please let me know (-:

[nana-of-light]

First 3 Dungeons Completed

So, my grandma finally got her controller set up, along with my game settings files, (which she very much likes) but I screwed up a tiny bit and later realized I put her game audio in Japanese. LOL Damnit. It’s okay though. It’s an easy fix I can help her change. She didn’t complain about it, but i had to ask her. She moves much faster, and when she follows me, she’s always right behind me. I don’t have to pause after i turn corners to make sure i don’t run too far ahead and have her lose me. And she dodges in battle now!! Aaahhh! She says the controller is much easier on her though, which i’m very glad for. She was saying something about the touchpad on her laptop bothering her finger after awhile. I can imagine how uncomfortable playing like  that is.. She is using the chat function more too now that she doesn’t move with the keyboard.

The last time I did MSQ with her, we left off in Gridania, and she just never left. She’s told me she loves it several times already. With a few side quests she’s picked up, she ended up in Lavender Beds, looking around houses, and got lost. During the night when I couldn’t sleep, I peeked on her account to see where her MSQ was, and found her logged in front of someone’s carbuncle house. I didn’t want to touch anything and got off. When she picked it back up, I helped her get out of there and back to where we needed to be for the MSQ. She seems to wait for me to do those with her. When we met up finally, I was no longer my usual female raen au ra, but instead a male seeker miqote. I stood there and told her i got a haircut... she didn’t react though, so we moved on.

Fast forward a bit to us standing in front of Sastasha. I explained that this was a dungeon and we’d be getting a random player with us. As i’m typing, she’s running around the area, trying to find where to click on to progress next. When she started to run away, I typed faster, asking if she wanted me to go over a few things to make things smoother basically. With a yes, I went over briefly what the tank’s job was, which was to lead the party through the dungeon and keep the enemy’s focus off everyone, along with the mention that dps and healers shouldn’t run ahead of them, and that she and my boyfriend were to kill everything. And that was all! I didn’t bother with mechanics at all, so she could just experience them.

In Sastasha, we learned that she really liked Sleep.. Lol. I eventually told her that it didn’t do any damage and it was something that was rarely needed. During this run, we were seeing that transpose was still an issue because when MP was low, she’d stand and wait for it to refill, but she’s playing around with her spells and seeing how they work. The healer spent their time jumping around and running ahead to pull more things, so while I trying to see what she was doing and helping as i tanked, i had that to try to deal with that.. I felt like I couldn’t really say much though. x__x; When the coeurl boss came up, i’m not sure what happened, but she got locked out and tried to run around to figure out how to get through. D: After that, she made sure to be in front of the line to not get locked out again. For loot, she figured out how to roll on her own because I saw that she won something. And on the last boss, she just focused on that, so we ended up burning it. 

Overall, there was a lot of sleep use at the start, blizzard II seems to be her favorite way to deal with mobs, probably due to her mp trouble, and at one point, while she did stay behind me, she used her range to pull another mob before we were done with the current. I went over the last bit, explaining why this was bad, but also that it was my fault for not telling her about it. When I reminded her that fire was the better source of damage, she asked me what it turned into. So we went over transpose again, and then I introduced Fire II and mob fighting with her. She also commented about how many levels she got in that run, surprised.

So, onward to Tam tara! The healer wanted to run ahead and pull more and then stand there, watching us deal with it. Lol Ahh! Why does this keep happening! I saw Nana using Fire more, and when there were was a mob, she’d use fire II. *tears of joy* There was a few things of Sleep as well, but i think these were accidents. I didn’t really see Transpose, but she’d swap to Blizzard II to refil then resume her fire use. At the very least, I think she’s understanding that blizzard spells give mp. On the last boss, when it used that large aoe, I saw her run out of it and i yelled out loud, “HOLY SHIT, SHE DODGED! OMG SHE DID IT!!”. Before the controller, this was something I didn’t see her do, so I was ecstatic! 

Seeing the improvement in this run was a real treat, but once we stood outside Copperbell, the queue wasn’t popping, so we stood around. While we waited, I gave her a baby chocobo minion since she had previously asked me about the “things” that follow me around. After some time, I cancelled the queue and tried to see if I could grab someone more ..patient. xD; I tried a few people (some of you name dropped for me in various forms of private messages, but weren’t on at the time unfortunately) and I eventually asked my Balmung FC if anyone was free for some lowbie dungeon healing. I explained what Party Finder was to Nana and then pulled our FCmate in. I introduced them, we talked for a little bit about stuff, and then went in.

The run went pretty smoothly, and there was actual conversation during battles, which was pleasant. Our FCmate would ask how she was doing with loot rolls and things, which was pretty nice too. For the boss fight with the spriggans, I gave the heads up that a lot would be spawning, and we dove into that. However, halfway through, my eyes started to burn really bad, and while I tried to deal with that squinty and teary eyed, i couldn’t take it anymore and apologized, jumping out of my chair to go deal with it. In my stead, the boyfriend guy tanked and they killed the things, and then they went over using Limit Break with Nana. Since the FCmate used a PS4 controller too, she went over how to assign things to her crossbar. This was something that I was grateful for because I completely forgot about this. Nana was confused with it all though, but she told us she took a picture of the instructions to try it later. I think she didn’t want us to wait for her. 

After my eyes no longer felt like they were on fire, we continued on, but as we were grabbing up loot, I turned to my grandma and I finally asked, “Nana, did you notice I was a cat boy?” There was a pause and she replies, “no”. The FCmate chines in with “I noticed right away >.>”. The boyfriend laughs in the background. I chuckle with my deep mancat voice and continue on.

So, the slime boss.. Nana wanted it dead, so I just let her blow it up while the FCmate did the bomb thing for us. I said we needed the bomb to explode on the slime and not to kill it. With her focused on the slime, we watched the bomb come over and explode. *Insert me yelling at my screen as she dodges them*

On the last boss, we let her know she could ignore the koolaid men coming out of the walls. Aaand dungeon completed! Hooray!

I just want to apologize for the lack of screenshots. i know it never was something promised, but I always try to tell myself i need to get more for you guys, and I keep forgetting! By the time I remembered, I scrambled to get that unflattering one. Lmao .. I’ll try harder to get more.

Anyway! After that was all said and done, it was late and Nana wanted to get ready for bed. Our FCmate and her said their goodbyes and we split off. I think Nana afk’d or tabbed at this point because she stopped moving/responding, so I said I was logging, but would pm her on facebook.

Note: she uses speech to text on this when on her phone.

Me:  I wanted to ask.. did you like the dungeons? i was wondering if they were too hectic.

N:  Yes I'll get the the magic down better I took a picture of everything we wrote and your friend told me how to do that I didn't get it but I took a picture so I can do it tomorrow and level 27 now that's a good thing those dungeons do I had no idea where we went how we went there and where I'm at right now I'm just going to shut it down because right below it I have an old thing to do something to get that done N:  No punctuation marks you're going to have to figure it out

Me:  i am reading slowly, but i think i got it.

Me:  i didn't know how to do limit breaks for awhile, so i think it's normal.

N:  Yeah and you can't go back and correct it either

N:  I don't even know what limit breaks means

Me:  remember in the final fantasy games how there would be a gauge that would fill over time and it was a big attack you could use every now and then?

N:  Oh yeah

Me:  that's what it is, but a different name.  it's shared by the party.

N: *thumbs up emote*

N:  Okay I'm going to finish up here and go to bed your mom and I are going to run errands tomorrow

N:  That little duck looking thing is in my minion thing is that where it's supposed to go and what happens now

Me:  click on it in the minion guide.

N:  Okay

Me:  it's a chocobo. lol!

N: Lol nn

Me:  okay, good night !

N: *sticker of two sprawled out dogs, sleeping with Z’s*

So, that’s that! A little progress here and there. Good stuff. \o/ Phew!

Also.. Added bonus. Here’s an older screenshot while we were still stuck in the desert. This guy has no shame. I kinda want to draw this out..

[roobierubyroobieruby]

Scarred, but not Broken (Part 10)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word Count: 2,489

Warnings: depression, anxiety, self-harm, bad thoughts…[you never have to suffer alone! Seek help, it’s out there!]

Summary: You and Nat are best friends, and one night you are struggling with your anxiety and depression. She brings you to the Avengers compound for a quiet girl’s night that gets crashed by some of the team. Feeling overwhelmed, you slip away unnoticed – or so you think.

(Y/NN) – Your Nick Name

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7] [Part 8] [Part 9]

A/N: I sincerely apologize for the lack of progress in this fic. It is the first one I started writing and I actually began it during a depressive episode, I just wrote and wrote and I actually made it through all 9 chapters before my episode began to fade. So I hit a wall with it because it’s hard to get back into that frame of mind - with such raw emotions and feelings - without being in it myself. IF YOU ARE FEELING DOWN OR DEPRESSED OR ANXIOUS OR ANYTHING - YOU ARE NOT ALONE. EVER. YOU ARE LOVED, YOUR EXISTENCE IS TREASURED.

Previously: You sat up, finally staring into his eyes and noticing the deep blue in them where you thought you’d seen storm grey. The thought of spending time with Bucky you’re sure gave you heart palpitations, so you thanked whatever God there was that his super soldier serum didn’t give him super hearing. He looked at you like a sad puppy, and you were sure it was because he wanted to palm you off to Natasha and free himself of you.

You breathed out a sigh, unwilling to force him into spending time with you just because the thought made you feel warm where you were only cold inside.

(Bucky’s POV)

He noticed the sadness in your eyes and decided – against his better judgement – that he was going to make sure that by the end of this day, he’d make you smile again at least once, just like you had the first night he saw you.

“I think I want to go and have a shower and change first,” you said with trepidation, noting the sag of his shoulders, “and then I’ll see how I feel.” Bucky stood up, offering you his hand which you took without hesitation. It seemed odd to you that less than 24 hours ago, you’d spoken to this man so few times you could count them on one hand. Now, here you were holding his, letting it be an anchor to reality.

You felt numb and out of place - as if you were a couple of seconds out of time with the rest of the world. You wished to conjure up any kind of emotion to prove to yourself that you were real: sadness for what happened and the worry you put Nat through, naive hope that maybe you’d finally broken through Bucky’s cold exterior, relief that the worst of your storm had passed for the time being. Instead, you were empty. As if you were hollowed out by the worst of yourself, leaving a dull husk in its place to wander this earth in existence, but not participation, and always a couple of seconds out of step.

Bucky walked with you through the base, delivering you to Nat’s door as if he’d done this a million times over, before he pressed his hand to your forearm, a silent plea to wait.

“My room is the floor below us, the door down the very end of the hall. Come see me if you want to, but I understand if you don’t. I certainly wasn’t sociable when I first got here after HYDRA and what happened between Steve and Tony because of me.”

Your eyes travelled up from the floor, willing yourself to look him in the eye. Even though you felt hollow, the aching anxiety in your chest wanted you to cave in on yourself, protect yourself, for this was too much vulnerability for someone who you barely knew to witness.

Your breathing hitched in your throat, your mouth feeling like it was full of cotton.

“I’m not saying it’s the same thing, or trying to say I had it worse than you - God I feel like I’m making a mess of this.”

He rubbed his hand through his hair, his eyes crinkling with concern.

“I’m just saying that if you want to talk about it, even the worst of it, I’m around. I might understand more than you think. Just, consider it, please, doll.”

You heard the slight quiver in his voice when he called you ‘doll’. Although you tucked that piece of knowledge away for a later date, it gave you pause.

“Thank you Bucky, really.”

You managed to curl the corner of your mouth up slightly, the energy not in you to try and ease his discomfort. You slid out of his grasp and through Nat’s door, no doubt she had heard you already.

When you closed the door, safely on the other side, you rested your forehead against the cool wood, closing your eyes and listening to your slowing breaths.

You felt her hand rest on your shoulder, her low voice breaking your silence, “are you ok (Y/N/N)? Did he do something to you?”

You turned into her, letting your arms loosely wrap themselves around her waist and your face rest in the crook of her neck, small tears breaking free.

“No Nat, he was a lovely, nothing like what I would ever expect from him.”

Your heart gave a dull ache, your mind thinking back through all of the times you’d seen him and he’d turned away, the scowl etched across his sharp features, or the times he’d brushed off your attempts at conversation with as little an answer as possible, or a grunt, or nothing at all.

She rubbed slow, small circles in your back before pulling away, “c’mon, have a shower and you’ll feel a bit better.”

You shuffled into the bathroom where she had already laid out a fresh, fluffy towel with your bag resting on the countertop. You turned on the hot water, opening the door to let the steam drift out to fill the room and hide your ghostly image in the mirror - the pale skin, the dark smudges under your eyes, the red splotches across your cheeks, and most importantly the faded white scars contrasting with the stark red lines that crossed across your skin, cutting the smooth porcelain into jagged pieces of a mosaic.

You wrapped your arms around yourself, a desperate bid to cover your body from the unrelenting eyes of your mind, the ones that searched out every single flaw regardless of size or reason, and added it to its repertoire of things to throw back against you. You were oblivious to the sensations of the shower, relying on routine to wash your hair, but the water assault on your cuts drew your mind back from its harmless wanderings into nothingness, the stinging reminding you of your mistakes.

You dried yourself off and dressed quickly, brushing through your hair before deciding to leave it to air dry - you had expelled enough energy just getting through a routine shower, you didn’t have it in you to dry and style your hair beyond whatever it decided to be.

Stepping out into Nat’s bedroom, you saw her perched on the edge of her bed, your phone pressed to her ear.

“Yeah, that’s ok I’ll let her know you called. Thank you.”

You dropped your towel into her laundry basket, her hand stretching out to give your your phone.

“That was Gaby, from the hospital. She said that one of the other girls has called in needing to swap shifts, so she was wanting to know whether you would be able to work today and have your day off tomorrow, instead of a day off today and work tomorrow.”

You stared down at your screen, noting the late time of the morning. “Did she say what time?”

“From 3pm until 1am. Honey, are you sure you should do it? That’s a long shift and so soon after last night…” Her voice trailed off as she pulled you to sit next to her.

“That’s not that bad. I find that work can be therapeutic for me sometimes, the structure and routine of it all gives me the chance to get out of my head for a while and be focused entirely on the needs of someone else. It stops me dwelling.”

She sighed, moving to stand in front of you, her hands clasped firmly on her hips.

“Well if you’re going to work tonight, then let me make you some food so you don’t starve. I need you alive and in fighting form if you are to come and stay with me again tonight.”

“Wait, I’m what?”

“You’re going to stay here again tonight, I think it’s good for you to get out of your apartment. Besides, it can be fun here.”

She beamed at you, pulling you through the door and out into the kitchen.

“Ok fine, but while you’re making me food I need to go and do something real quick.”

You slipped your hand out of hers, ignoring her questioning gaze at your back as you headed for the elevator.

“Um, FRIDAY?” you whispered, pressing the button on the elevator to go down a floor.

“Yes Miss (Y/L/N)?”

“Is Bucky in his room?” You stared at your reflection in the elevator doors, barely able to make out the sounds of the mechanics of the moving box.

“Yes he is, would you like me to let him know you’re coming?”

“Uh, yes please.” It was best not to surprise him, you thought, so you didn’t catch him at a bad time.

Stepping onto the floor, you noted the layout was identical to Nat’s, except it seemed a bit more sparse. Not as many cushions littered the couch, there were dishes left in the sink, and it was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. You listened to the sound of your bare feet padding across the tile, your body tense as you waited for any kind of movement, or for one of the boys to appear.

Getting to the end of the hall, you stood outside of his door for what felt like an eternity, questioning your reasoning to come here. He hadn’t expressly said that you were welcome anytime, and you didn’t want to seem desperate or clingy for seeking him out not even an hour after you’d just essentially spent the night curled up in his embrace.

You let the numbness overwhelm you as your hand lightly rapped against the wood, taking a step back and crossing your arms over your chest. You thought you heard some shuffling before his voice cut through the silence.

“Come in.”

Slowly, you pushed open his door, allowing him adequate time to prepare. As you stepped into the room, you stood against the wall next to the door, left ajar in case you needed to leave quickly, and took in your surroundings.

The walls were bare, and the only furniture in the room was a giant oak dresser and matching king sized bed, which Bucky was sprawled across, laying against his pillows - one arm resting behind his head while the other held an iPad up. As his eyes flickered over to you, he jolted upright, locking the iPad and curling a leg under him.

“Hi.” He sounded surprised to see you. “I’m so used to Steve being my only visitor that I just assumed it was him.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I can go if-”

“No!” His voice raised, before his eyes widened, stammering to cover up his sudden outburst, “I mean, no it’s ok. Don’t go.”

You had moved yourself halfway out the door before he’d asked - yelled then asked - you to stay. You paused, uncertainty plaguing your mind, before you turned back to stand against the wall.

“I just wanted to say thank you for last night, and this morning, and that I’m sorry you had to see that.”

He put the iPad down on the bed, turning his body to face you.

“No don’t be sorry, don’t ever be sorry. Being human is not something to apologize for. If Steve has taught me anything since I’ve been back, it’s that it’s ok to feel. It’s ok to break down and let yourself feel everything. It means you’re human.”

You bit your lip, staring down at the carpeted floor, fixating on the fabric.

“And last night was-” you heard him sigh, looking up to see him rubbing his eyes with his hand, “it was one of the first restful night’s sleep I’ve gotten in a long time. So thank you.”

“Do you have trouble sleeping?”

Your question hung in the air, taking both of you by surprise.

“I get nightmares about my time as the Winter Soldier. I relive things I did, or sometimes I’m doing those things but to people I know instead of strangers HYDRA dispatched me to kill.”

He aged a hundred years in front of your eyes, looking as though he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.

“You aren’t him though, you know. I mean, I don’t know you that well but from what I heard, the Winter Soldier wouldn’t of cared about me at all last night, much less stayed with me until morning.”

He smirked to himself, “well maybe it’s time you got to know me, so then you can know for sure where the Winter Soldier ends and Bucky Barnes begins.”

“I’d like that, but I got called into work today so I’ll have to take a raincheck. I’ll be back here tonight though, Nat says it’s better for me to not be in my apartment alone for now.”

“I’d have to agree with her. At least here, you’ve got plenty of entertainment and people around.”

You noticed him fidgeting with his fingers, his brows creased in frustration or thought, you couldn’t be sure.

“That is true, and you’re here too.”

He looked up at you, noting the way you had visibly relaxed since you’d entered his room.

“Yes, I am here too. Well we can take a raincheck on the “get to know each other”, just come find me when you want to.”

“Again, thank you Bucky, I am sure I’ll be taking you up on that offer soon.”

You smiled at him, a small smile but a smile nonetheless, as you slipped back out of his door.

After food, Nat insisted that she dropped you off at the hospital and would be here to pick you up after your shift. You knew there was no use arguing with her, and although some people might consider this behaviour to be “babying” you, you knew better. You knew this was the way she could assure herself that you were safe, and that you knew she loved you. So you let her do these things because you loved her too.

(Bucky’s POV)

He waited until Nat returned, finding her curled up on the couch of the girl’s floor.

“Are you going to pick (Y/N) up from work tonight? And if yes, could I do it?”

Her shocked expression told him everything he needed to know.

“Forget I asked, sorry.” As he turned and moved to back out of the living area, he heard her speak up behind him.

“First, tell me why.”

He stopped in his tracks, his mind racing as he processed her question. He couldn’t begin to explain to her why he felt like he needed to spend time with you, and why he wanted to sit in silence with you, having you curled up against his side again, sleeping peacefully. He didn’t know how to explain that connection he felt when he realized you might be one of the few who understood what it was like to be suffocated by yourself, and that with you his nightmares didn’t snatch him from sleep so violently.

“I want to get to know her.”

Her face flickered with disbelief before she relented, “fine Barnes, but if you hurt her or try to manipulate her or use her or anything, I will come after you and I will kill you. Understood?”

He gulped hard, knowing that the Black Widow never made empty threats.

“Yes ma’am.”

He hurried out of the room, a small sprout of excitement forming as he thought of where he’d take you once he picked you up, wanting to show you a small corner of the world where you might feel safe. He hoped it would also make it easier for him to open himself up to you, the fear of rejection and disgust bombarding his thoughts. He made himself think of you, knowing you might need this more than him, and that became his focus for the rest of the day.

TAG LIST:

@bewithme-forevermore @palaiasaurus64 @papi-chulo-bucky @or-worse-expelled7

[bornconfused444]

This took me 3 days to complete

Did you have a good day yesterday? Not at all I know 100% today will be better. What about today? How has your day been so far? It’s been boring as fuck. Do you think tomorrow will be enjoyable for you? Yes. How many pairs of earphones do you own? One. What colour are the earphones you use the most? White. Who is your favourite person to have a deep conversation with? I don’t know. Do you remember what you had for lunch yesterday? I didn’t have anything for lunch. Who/what has been on your mind the most today? Boyfriend. He’s been working all day I miss him. XD Does/did the last person you text messaged go to the same school as you? Nope.

What kind of personality are you attracted to? I don’t know I’m attracted to who I’m attracted to. Is there anything worrying you? Kind of. I’m afraid my boyfriend is gonna back out to hang out in the last second but I hope he doesn’t because he seemed as excited to see me as I was to see him. If so, have you talked to anyone about it? No. Have you ever liked someone that your friend also liked? Yes. When was the last time you were asked out? 4 months ago. Did you accept or decline? Accepted. Which one of your friends would you say you’re most similar to? Ashley. What colour are the eyes of the last person you held hands with? Brown. What colour was the last lipstick you put on? Deep red. Have you ever worn lipstick in an unusual colour, like black or blue? Yes. I used to have blue lipstick actually. Is it possible to be “just friends” with someone you had feelings for? Yeah, it is. Is there someone of the opposite sex that you can talk to about anything? Not anything but almost anything. What did your last Facebook status say? I don’t remember. How many likes/comments did it get? - Are you looking forward to anything? Hopefully hanging out with the boyfriend in like 15 minutes. The last time you cried, what was wrong? Massive fight with the boyfriend. Should you be doing something else right now? Getting ready to go out.

What time is it? 4:43 pm What’s today’s date? June 25, 2017 What do you like the most about your own appearance? My eyes or smile. What do you like the most about your own personality? I’m caring. If you were a highlighter pen, what colour would you be? I don’t know purple? What did you drink at the last party you went to? Vodka because it’s just what I drink. Does the last person you text messaged have any tattoos or piercings? Nope. Outside of family, who was the first person you talked to today? Boyfriend. Is there anything you would like to tell someone, but don’t know how? No. Someone asks if you’re okay, but you’re not. Do you tell them the truth? Nope. What colour is your wallet/purse? My purse is brown my wallet is black and silver. Does your shirt have buttons? No. Other than your sheets and pillows, what’s on your bed right now? A charger. How did you celebrate your last birthday? I just chilled with friends and the boyfriend. If you could live a year of your life over again, which year would it be? When I was like 3 because I didn’t have a care in the world. Do you know anyone whose birthday is today? No. Do you know a James? Tell me about him. Yes, I went to school with him and he was pretty funny but other than that I don’t know him very well. Which TV channel(s) do you watch the most? I don’t really watch tv much anymore. Do you have a favourite photo of the person you love/like? Nope. Do you know anyone who doesn’t like Coca-Cola? Yeah. What are the initials of the last male you talked to? RT. Did you have any unread text messages when you woke up this morning? Nope. If so, who were they from? - Explain the last time you laughed really hard. I don’t know when that was. Explain your last awkward moment. I don’t know. Which one of your friends is most likely to embarrass you in public? I don’t know. Does the person you love/like have any cute quirks or mannerisms? Yes. When was the last time you went out to eat? It’s been like 3 weeks. What did you order? I don’t actually remember. If you could dye your hair any colour which would you choose? Light brown. What was the last fruit you ate? I don’t remember.. What’s the relationship status of the last person you talked to? In a relationship. At what age do you think you’ll be ready for children? Never. How long would you be prepared to wait for someone, before you gave up? Not very long. How did you meet the last male you text messaged? Mutual friends. Where was the last place you went, that you hadn’t been to before? I don’t remember. Who was the last person you had an argument or disagreement with? Boyfriend. If you’re worried or upset, who is usually the first person to notice? Depends on who’s around me. Are you attracted to the last person that put their arms around you? Yes. Do you have anything in your pockets? No. When you’re angry, what do you do to help yourself calm down? Sleep or listen to music. How recently did you speak to the person you have feelings for? Today. What form of communication did you speak to them in (e.g. text, Facebook)? Text. Think of the person you dislike the most. Why do you dislike them? They were trying to purposely make me miserable because they hate themselves. Have you ever disliked anyone without good reason? Yeah. What are your plans for tonight? Chill with the boyfriend. What star sign is the last person you text messaged? I don’t remember. How did you feel when you woke up today? Refreshed I actually slept really good. Who was your best friend 5 years ago? Taylor. Do you still talk to that person? Nope. Do you know what the person you have feelings for is doing at this moment? Yes. When was the last time you had an alcoholic drink? Been a while. Who was the last person to make you cry with laughter? I don’t know. Who was the last person you talked about sex/relationships with? Boyfriend. How do you feel about answering sexual questions when filling in surveys? I don’t care. Who was the last person you Facebook messaged? I don’t remember. Are they in a relationship? - Which would annoy you more - a one-word response, or a long paragraph? One word. Have you ever regretted kissing someone? Nope. What first attracted you to the last person you kissed? He was funny and the most caring person I’ve ever met. Is there anything you would like to tell someone? Nope. How many months until it’s your birthday? 10. How old will you be? 24. Have you felt your heart racing today? No. Who was the last person you bought a gift for? I don’t know. What was it? - In your phone, who is the first contact listed under ‘R’? Don’t feel like looking. How did you meet him/her? - Who introduced you to the person you have feelings for? Mutual friends. How many brothers does your father have? 5. Have you ever had a crush on someone several years older than yourself? Only celebrities. Does your best friend have any tattoos? Nope. When was the last time you did something which you knew was wrong? Jaywalked last night. What if the last person you kissed, accused you of no longer wanting them? Lol that would be odd considering that we just made up. If you find out someone’s been talking about you, do you confront them? Yeah. What’s the first letter of your surname? M. Is there anything happening in the near future, that you’re dreading? No. The last time you felt let down or disappointed, who was to blame? Myself. What was the last thing you purchased from a convenience store? I don’t know. Are you attracted to the last person you Facebook messaged? I don’t actually remember who that was. Can you think of an animal that starts with the same letter as your name? Elephant. Which one of your friends are you most likely to argue or disagree with? Any of them lmao. What colour was the ink of the last pen you wrote with? Blue. If you married the last male you talked to, what would your initials be? EAT. LOL sounds good. What song relates to your life right now? Strangers by Halsey. Name a song that reminds you of someone you miss. Santa Monica by Theory of a Deadman.

Think of a word that rhymes with the name of the person you love/like. I don’t think a word rhymes with his name lmao. Do you have a keepsake/memories box? If so, what’s in it? No. If I gave you money and told you to treat yourself, what would you buy? McDonald’s honestly I’ve been craving it for weeks lmao. Your ex appears at your door with flowers & chocolates. How do you respond? Ask him what he wants. Are you wearing anything pink? No. When was the last time you talked to one of your parents? A little bit ago.When they were alive.

What did you talk about? I don’t remember. Give me a random fact about the person you have feelings for. He has brown hair. What was the last yellow food you ate? Does pasta count as yellow? It’s kinda yellow kinda brown. Who was the last person you ignored? Why? I don’t know. Name one thing that reminds you of your best friend. Marilyn Manson lmao. The last time you were upset, who was to blame? Myself lmao. If someone dislikes you, what is most likely to be the reason? They think I’m annoying. How many text messages do you have in your inbox atm? A lot. When was the last time you had a difficult decision to make? Today.

In school, what subjects do/did you find the most difficult? Math. Do you still speak to the person you had your first kiss with? Nope. Where did you meet the last person you swapped numbers with? I don’t remember who that was. Who was the last person to add you as a friend on Facebook? Some random that I denied. <-- same. Do you know what colour his/her eyes are? Nope. Who was the last person that asked if you were okay? I don’t know. What does your handwriting look like? Depends on the day really. Do you use any products on your hair, other than shampoo and conditioner? Sometimes I do. What colour was the shirt you wore yesterday? Blue. What was the last non-essential item you bought? Energy drink. Who were your best friends in primary school? Amanda and Hilary. Do you still speak to any of them? No. Is there a song that reminds you of someone you don’t see/speak to anymore? Yeah. Do you still listen to that song? Sometimes. Who was the last person you text messaged? Boyfriend because I’m not sure if he’s still sleeping or dead lmao. Do you know when their birthday is? Yes. Are you wearing anything that you received as a gift from someone else? Nope. What was the last thing you bought from a vending machine? I don’t remember. Who was the last person to poke you on Facebook? I don’t remember. When was the last time you saw that person? - The last time you were in a car, who was driving? Roommate. When was the last time someone apologised to you? I don’t know. Do you think they meant it? - Has anyone given you butterflies recently? Yeah. What’s the tastiest thing you’ve eaten today? A yogurt pop. Is there anything you would like to say to your ex? No. Think of the last person that made you cry. Did they apologise? Yes. Do you still enjoy eating ice-cream in the winter? I don’t enjoy ice cream for the most part anyways. Do you swear a lot? Sometimes. Have you ever been told off for swearing at school/work? Yes. Has someone of the opposite sex made you smile recently? Yeah. Did you get any friend requests on Facebook today? No. The last time you said “leave me alone”, did you really mean it? Yes. Do you have plans for the weekend yet? I do it’s gonna be Canada Day!!!!! What were you doing 2 hours ago? Just waking up. Are you attracted to the last person that put their arms around you? Yes. Has anyone let you down recently? Yes. Have you met anyone new in the past month? Yeah. Would you prefer to be told the truth, even if it wasn’t nice to hear? Yes. What was the last thing you had to do, that you didn’t enjoy doing? Walking. Where was the last place you thought about having sex, other than your bed? I don’t know. Have you ever spilled anything on your computer? Yes. How long have you had your current mobile phone? Since December. When was the last time someone of the opposite sex asked for your number? I don’t know. Did you give it to them? - Do you care about the last person you Facebook messaged? Not really. When was the last time one of your parents bought something for you? When they were alive.

What was it? I don’t remember it’s been too long. If you HAD to become a teacher, what subject would you prefer to teach? English or gym. When was the last time you felt so ill, that you couldn’t get out of bed? I don’t know I don’t think I’ve ever felt like that. What was wrong with you? -

What was the last compliment you received? That I’m beautiful. Who gave it to you? Boyfriend. Do any of your close friends have children? Yea. Do you think you’ll have children within the next 5 years? I hope not. Do you know anyone who is currently pregnant? Yes. Have you ever had sex with the last person you text messaged? Yes. Have you said or done anything in the past week, that you regret? Yeah. What colour are your socks? I’m not wearing socks. Where did you get the shoes you’re wearing, or the last pair you wore? I don’t remember. Who was the last person that confided in you about something? Boyfriend. Do they often talk to you about personal issues? Yes. Outside of family, how many people do you fully trust? No one. I don’t fully trust anyone/ How many different beverages have you had in the last 24 hours? Like 2. Can you imagine getting married to the person you have feelings for? Nope. I don’t want to get married to anyone. Do you know anyone whose birthday is today? No. What do you remember the most about nursery school? I never went there. What colour is the tablecloth on your kitchen table? We don’t use table cloths. When was the last time a stranger sat next to you? The bus. Does it make you feel awkward when that happens? Nope that’s what happens when you’re on the bus. Who was the last person to enter the room, besides you? Roommate. What did he/she want?

Nothing. If I’m going to make you a sandwich, what should I put on it? I don’t want a sandwich. Which type of bread would you like? Whole wheat. Other than food, what was the last thing you bought for yourself? I don’t remember. Have you had any interesting dreams recently? Nope. What if you had a child with the last person you kissed? I wouldn’t I’d abort it. I’m going to make you dinner. Anything you’d particularly like? Mashed potatoes. Are there any foods you can’t/won’t eat? Yes. If I met you, what would my first impressions be? That I’m reserved. <-- and shy. Have you said or done anything recently, that you know has hurt anyone? Yes. Did you apologise for it? Yes. In your Facebook friends list, who is the first person listed under ’M’? I don’t want to look. What colour hair does he/she have? - When you opened your eyes this morning, what were your first thoughts? How late I slept for once. Are you nervous or anxious, for any reason at all? Nope. What colour are the eyes of the last male you talked to? Brown. What was the last thing you touched, other than your computer? My face. Is there anyone that you feel owes you an apology? Yes. What colour is the hair of the last female you talked to? Brown. Is that her natural hair colour? Yea. When was the last time you ate chocolate? What kind was it? Like a week ago it was a chocolate bar. What’s the most unhealthy thing you’ve eaten recently? I don’t know chips probably. How many living grandparents do you have? None. Have you ever kissed the last person you Facebook messaged? No. When was the last time someone/something surprised you? I don’t know. Were you surprised in a good way or a bad way? - Be honest. Have you had any dirty thoughts today? Nope. Where was the last place you took a bath/shower, other than your own house? I don’t remember. Has anyone ever told you that you have a dirty mind? Yeah. Do you remember the last dream you had about the person you love/like? Nope. Does the last person you text messaged smoke cigarettes? Not anymore. Who was the last person you talked to last night, before going to sleep? Boyfriend. What did you talk about? Things we have to do next week. When and where did you meet the last person you hugged? Mutual friends in January. Whose was the last number you added to your phone’s contacts list? I don’t know. How did you meet him/her? - Did you get enough sleep last night? Yes I got more than enough 10 hours plus the nap I just took. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today? Nope. How many framed photos are there, in the room you’re in? One. It’s my high school grad photo. What colour are the curtains in the room you’re in? Like a tan colour. What do you plan to do tomorrow? Was supposed to hang out with the boyfriend but that was supposed to happen today too and he slept in waaay too late so who knows at this point. What’s your favourite sport? Do you prefer to watch it or play it? Soccer and I prefer to play it more than watch it. Who was the last person to send you a friend request on Facebook? Some random girl. Have you ever been to that person’s house? No. Are you upset, for any reason at all? Kind of. Would you be embarrassed if your parents looked at your Facebook? Nope. What does your pencil case look like? What’s in it? I don’t have one anymore. Did the last person you kissed have facial hair? Yes. You’re locked in a room with your ex. Any problems? Yes. Be honest. What are you most afraid of? Right now that this tooth is actually infected and going to get worse. Do you have younger siblings? If you do, are you protective of them? No. How recently did you speak to the last person you kissed? Like 5 minutes ago. Have you ever had an argument with the last person you Facebook messaged? Nope. Do you have any plans for tonight? No. Where were you at 9 o'clock last night? Out and about. In the past week, have you slept past midday? Nope. I never do that. Do any of your friends or relatives have the same birthday as you? Nope. Have you ever dyed your hair an unnatural colour? Accidentally dyed it red once. If not, would you ever think about it? Not on purpose no. Have you had any deep conversations today? No. Is your television on atm? Yes. If it is, what are you watching? The social. Are you wearing anything blue? Nope. Do you use Twitter? I don’t. Where are you located at this moment? On the couch. How exactly are you feeling right now? Kind of pissed off. Is there anything bothering you? Yep. When was the last time you talked to a close friend? Today. What did you talk about? Lots of things. Are you nervous about anything atm? Nope. What colour are the eyes of the person you love/like? Brown. Have you cried at all today? No. Are your toenails painted? Barely. Has anyone called you “sexy” today? Nope. Have you bought any new clothes in the past week? No. How many children would you like? 0. You see someone you dislike crying. Do you still feel bad/sorry for them? Probably not tbh. If you get a one-word response like “lol”, do you still bother to reply? No. Who was the last person to un-friend you on Facebook? I don’t know? I don’t care. Do you know why he/she decided to un-friend you? - Are there any food wrappings, boxes, containers etc. in your room? No. Have your grandparents ever asked you about your love/sex life? They’re dead. Where will you be posting this survey? Tumblr.

[jjaywmac]

Making plans is fun. Steve and I made a lot of plans – things we would do after we got to France. And, for eleven months, we did a lot of them. Then, life happened. Not in the plan. Then, once I could think, I started trying to plan on my own. What should I do? What can I do? At my age? I am trained to practice law, act, sell real estate, teach, write…. Yet, I cannot work in France. Oh, that reminds me, I need to learn French. Hmmm. Yes, true. More than anything, I need to learn French. First of all, LEARN FRENCH. Then, once I can communicate, effectively, and lived here long enough to get a work permit, I can figure out ways to help myself make money. Who knows how long I will live, and I need a way to support myself in the meantime. (I am thinking out loud, you realize, avoiding all talk of political and economical situations in the world) Right now, I cannot afford to travel, anyway. Ugh. Not in the plan.

Now, while I sit here and try to plan, life is happening. I am teaching English, swapping time with French acquaintances and friends over coffee and emails. Not in the plan. It is amazing how many people here want to learn English. It is not that I have met that many people. I haven’t. I can be trying to talk to someone while waiting to get my hair cut (Caroline), or meet an owner of an Airbnb who wants to work with me via email, improving her English (Severine). Or meet a stranger who is helping me buy stamps at the post office and teaches me the word “timbre” on the spot (U.K. woman who visits her mother in Nice. She told me her name and gave me her phone number, but I misplaced it).

Caroline was getting her hair colored. While chatting with her (she spoke pretty good English), I learned that she has a new baby girl (adorable) and lives with her German husband (adorable) in Spain and visits her parents (lovely French people) in Nice. I met them all – at the Hair Salon!! She introduced me to her father and mother and husband and baby (who came by that shop, for some reason ???), asking me if I would be willing to meet her father (Alain) for coffee so he could improve his English and help me with my French. In other words, swap conversations (his French for my English). She was getting her hair colored. So far, I have met Alain twice for coffee on Mondays. We chat in English and very broken French (moi) for an hour or so. We are scheduled to meet again, tomorrow. Not in the plan.

I met Severine and her husband when Steve and I stayed in their condo in Paris last Christmas. Lovely couple with two children. I met her husband, mother, and daughter at that time. They were all going to her maman’s for Christmas while Steve and I stayed in their condo in the Marais District. When Steve and I arrived, she and her husband spent an hour or so, explaining things to us and giving us tips about favorite restaurants and buses and trains and….. you name it! I liked them both a lot. Steve did, too. This Christmas, Severine sent me an email, wishing Steve and me Happy New Year. I responded, telling her about Steve. We chatted back and forth, and she offered to help me with French via email. So, we have been emailing back and forth. She corrects what I write; I correct her English. At one point, she asked if I would teach her daughter English. I said yes. At this point, if it works out as planned, their daughter Aline (15 years old) will spend a week with me this summer in Nice. I will teach her English during the day. I am looking forward to that. Not in the plan.

The nice lady in the post office offered to teach me French. She visits from the U.K. frequently because her mother, who lives in my neighborhood in Nice, is not well. She wrote her name and phone number on a piece of paper. Not in the plan. People here are friendly and nice  to me. A lady in my building adores me and keeps talking at length in the parking lot, the elevator, the lobby, the entrance, wherever. I have no idea what she is saying. Plus, the pronunciation is weird, and the speed is too fast. I smile a lot. That helps.

So, it looks like I need to review teaching English. I used to teach. Early in my life, I was a teacher – a college professor. Right after grad school, I was hired by what was then called Brenau College, to teach speech and drama. After three years, I took a year’s leave of absence in 1964, to have my third child – Blake. That year, I accepted a position at a branch of the University of Georgia – Gainesville Junior College, to be Chairman of the Division of Humanities – a Ph.D. position. Classes were first held in the fall of 1966. For two years, I taught classes in speech, drama, and English (creative writing and grammar).

During the summer of 1968, I took a leave of absence to obtain my Ph.D. at UCLA, in California. Prior to leaving, I applied for and received a lifetime California Standard Teaching Credential to teach Drama in Junior College. That was to be my fallback position, even though I never used it. While establishing residency, I started acting professionally. I stayed in California.

Most of these things come out of left field (as Steve would say). Creating forks in the road that were not in the plan. Which way to go? One, or the other? I chose to stay in California and pursue professional acting. I gave up educational theatre. What would have happened if I had obtained my Ph.D. in theatre history and returned to Gainesville, Georgia? I have often wondered. Now, many years later (51, to be exact), I am returning to something I started in the first place – something I loved and cherished. I loved teaching. I got excited when a motivated student appeared in one of my classes. Most students were not motivated. Ugh. I did not have the energy to get an unmotivated student excited about learning. That is an art form and not easy to do. THEN, just when I’d get a lethargic student up and running, he/she would graduate, leaving new unmotivated students. Ugh.

Well, here I go, again, back to basics. That begs the question: how should I frame this? What makes a good teacher? Patience? Persistence? Encouragement? Thinking back, I remember Miss Bessie (2nd grade, strict, impatient). Miss Dent (3rd grade, strict, impatient). Jane Hulsey (GHS, strict, mean, bossy). Miss Turner (GHS, unfair, vindictive). Dr. Popovich (UGA, strict, vindictive). I can still see these people in my mind’s eye. I can remember specific situations with each one. Negative experiences, not positive. Needless to say, I don’t want to be “strict”, “impatient, mean, or bossy. My best teachers, the people who made a profound impact on my life, weren’t in that profession: Patricia McLaine, Hadidjah Lamas, Ira Progoff. Profound, patient, loving, and healing.

Forget making plans. Or, at least, have plans as a back-up position. Plans have your back. Life happens. That said, I need to make a plan as to how to teach English to a French person. Hmmm. Teaching English grammar to an unmotivated English-speaking person is one thing; teaching English to a French native is another. All tips are appreciated.

  Stevespeak: If you want to make God smile, tell him your plans (see also, Vin Scully) Making plans is fun. Steve and I made a lot of plans - things we would do after we got to France.