#warm though!! everybody remember to stay hydrated!

[neige-leblanche]

great season for dogwoods and a perfect day for a picnic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[nocturnesmoon]

Chapter 3: Ghosts Of The Past

(Series Masterlist: Divine Violence) (Read on Ao3) (Inspired Playlist)

Series:The Divine Violence - Chapter 3: Ghosts Of The Past

Wordcount: 5.5K

Pairing: Simon "Ghost" Riley x John "Soap" MacTavish x Gn!Reader

TW: (View masterlist for series tw and tags) - DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT, Religious Trauma, PTSD, Flashbacks, Hallucinations, Anxiety, Paranoia, Disturbing themes, Implied eating disorders, Jealousy, Past abuse, Underage drinking, vomiting

Description: Soap approaches you to eat lunch with him, you begrudgingly accept.

A/N: Wooo another chapter done! Finally getting into some of the angsty bits that's gonna be a gateway to things we're going to expand upon later in the story. Everybody stay hydrated and I hope you enjoy it!

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The night is young and beautiful. Stars would cover the sky above you if it wasn't from the pollution of the city lights. You can still count a few, one, two, three, even four. They're bright here, one even seems to be blinking at you before you realize it's a plane.

It feels almost too ceremonial with the full moon in the sky, and Simon standing by the little makeshift fire in the pile of trash. It reminds you a little of your confirmation, years past by now. Though the church was a lot cleaner, the people like minded. Clothing of white making you shine in the sun, your proud mother with her uptight smile, and your father who had never before seemed proud of anything you did, now smiled warm toned at you.

You can still remember each word the priest spoke to you. Etched so deep in your brain it might as well have been carved into the back of your palm.

Thinking back to it, you realize it's different to this, so much different. The grittiness has a charm to it, but the real reason your nerves have skyrocketed is because of him. You take a step closer to the fire, watch him pop open the bottle of vodka. The one he had stolen from his father’s cabinet. Easier now that he wasn't home as much.

"Nervous?"

He grins at you, grabbing your fidgeting hand in his own. "We can still leave it be?" he offers kindly, but you quickly shake your head no. You had asked for this, you wanted to try it, because you knew the closest way you'd ever come to alcohol otherwise was the wine (Which wasn't even wine, it was grape juice) at the communion in church.

Simon had so graciously offered when you mentioned your want in passing. The curious nature in your soul wanting to try it at least once, even if you turned out to dislike it. You squeeze his hand, as if to jitter out your nerves. Being this far from home never felt good to you, a festering anxiety in your mind that your parents would find out and punish you.

There was a lot of things Simon could help you with, even take the fall for you should the situation call for it, but not this. No, this would be on you, and it would not feel good.

The fire crackles in front of you, something sharp snaps and brings your focus away from the bottle. You had no clue what was burning in there, but it provided a warm place for you to be so you didn't have much to complain about.

"Whenever you're ready Little Spider," he teases and brings the bottle to your hand.

You scoff and roll your eyes. "Does it really burn that bad?" you take the bottle with a small grimace. Your eyes nervously flicking from the liquid to him and back again.

"You seem very determined that this is what you want to do, so why don't you take a sip and find out?"

Another moments hesitance, and you bring the bottle to your lips. In the first second it doesn't burn, just so that the little thought of relief can enter your brain, before being squashed by the lit fire in your throat.

He quickly grabs the bottle away from you, when you start coughing and spurting. The sounds of your distress drowned out by his roaring laughter. His hand comes to pat you on the back, his eyes almost filled with tears from his laughter.

"Oh my oh my oh my, why why why did I do this."

"Oh c'mon, it wasn't that bad, was it?" he looks down at the bottle experimentally. Acting as if he hadn't tasted it countless times before. He brings it to his lips when your outburst calms down, taking a sip seamlessly, taking the burn proud and easy.

"How in the world," you sound astonished by his display. He tries to keep a straight face, but fails very quickly when he sees how you look at him like he's crazy. "Hey don't laugh!" you swat his arm, but soon fall into the laughter along with him.

The fire illuminates his face, casting shadows of you both behind on the wall. The soft orange glow makes some of his features stand out more than normal. His little scars close to his mouth that's normally almost invisible, now almost makes him look scary if it wasn't for how his face was lit up with joy.

"Oh wow," you grab the bottle back to read the inscription as if that would give you more clarity. "I don't understand how people drink stuff like this daily...I mean it's not that good."

His smile falls a little, his breathing catching up from the fit of laughter. "Well, drink enough of it and you'll start to feel funny," he explains simply instead of doing in-depth.

"Huh..." you look at the little alcohol percentage on the bottle, "have you been drunk before?"

He doesn't respond immediately, almost as if he seems ashamed of it. "A few times," he admits and trails closer to the wall, "with a few other guys from school." He leans on it, crossing his arms over his chest. It makes him look edgy, his dark attire and the illumination of a dumpster fire. He looks older than he is like that.

You come closer, tilting your head to the side slightly. He looks at you tentatively, taking in all that is you, the way you look, the way you move, the way you position yourself in front of him, so very close.

"What else have you done?" you ask in a knowing tone that didn't know much at all, "that you haven't had the heart to tell me about yet?" His eyes widen slightly panicked for a moment. You already know how he's compiling an excuse in his brain, or some way to explain himself away from anger, but you aren't angry.

"I just didn't think it was your thing...didn't want to bother you with it...make you feel like you had to," he explains quickly. You shake your head, making sure to give him a small smile as reassurance. His shoulders sag more.

"It wasn't..." you tell him, “But now I’m curious."

"Are you now?" his voice turns back to teasing. How you'd love to smear that smug smile off him, one way or another.

You bring the bottle to your lips, drinking way more than you probably should.

"Yeah, so let's find out."

Your throat burns whenever you throw up. It's become a much more frequent occurrence. The stress of your problems taking wear on your mind. You're no more surprised to find a singular grey hair protrude from your scalp, than you are from the blood mixed with bile in the sink.

That had been your breakfast most likely. The only meal you had found yourself able to sneak away to eat in peace of your assigned room. It left your stomach empty again, the pained hollow feeling you despised despite how much of your life was spent in it.

You'd take anything over this. Oh, how you wished you could be like anyone else, the majority of the reasons to throw up being a hangover, or being sick. Though alcohol hasn't touched your lips in years.

The fluorescent lights blink above you, the little buzzing drowned out by your heavy breathing. The space is better than what you've had the past while, but you did miss the privacy of the motel. People had a tendency to stare here.

You turn on the water, guiding it along with your hands to wash away the bile. Blood trickles down from your knuckles, the split ends of flesh flaking off the bone. You can see the white underneath. The sound of the door opening brings your attention away from it. You avoid the mirror despite its desperate pleas.

No what you can't just leave me here! Please you can't be serious! You're just going to let him keep me in here?! Please just look at me, don't go.

You look towards the mohawk showing itself first.

When you first met Soap, you had been taken aback. He had a very intense personality, a fire within that outshined in his actions. You have yet to determine your own disposition on him. He's friendly enough towards you, all things considered.

"Ah there ye are." He's been standing outside that door for who knows how long. He likely heard the wretched sound as your stomach gave in on itself. Why he chose now to step in, eludes you.

You clear your throat, the hunch in your back stretching out after you turn off the running water. Your fingers run over your knuckles; the wounds gone. "Do you need something?" keeping your voice steady and polite proves a more difficult task than you'd like it to.

"Have ye had lunch yet...?" he's being careful with you. It's a revelation you didn't expect to have for him, did he figure something out he shouldn't have? Does he know?

"Ah was gonna invite ye to join us this mornin' for breakfast, but ah couldn't find ye." Good that had been the intention. A part of you did recognize you couldn't hole yourself away forever though. You were already the odd one out in the group of four.

"Oh.."

Your voice is too weak

The mirror echoes.

"Right...I..."

You clear your throat again, it feels too constricted, the air in here is not enough for you.

You catch yourself in his vibrant blue eyes. You could see an ocean in them, the beautiful waves at sea, the smell of salt in the air. You can feel the surgent winds ghosting over your skin, the sting and burn as water enters your lungs, a warm hand on the back of your neck holding you down. A faraway chanting of prayer echoes muffled in your ears.

"No...I haven't" you try to muster a smile.

"Good," he says pleased "ye're with me then."

The sea is faraway.

The mess hall is the exact kind of hell you expected it to be. Loud, obnoxious, filled with potential social threats and unnecessary questions on the verge from the man sitting in front of you. The only bit of luck you seem to have kept, shows itself in the lack of soldiers here at all. Most of them had likely already eaten.

The meal Infront of you looked anything but appetizing. Yet Soap seemed all the more happy to devour it with no complaints. He's been talking your head off ever since you sat down, clueing you in on things at base. Most of it is useful information you manage to retain, but after awhile your ears goes deaf despite how much you want to listen.

Though you have to admit that it sounds like they're a tight knit group. The 141 formed quite awhile ago, managing to take out several high-level threats. It made sense to put them up against the divine principle, but you couldn't help the doubt in your mind that anything would come of it. Even if you managed to take the group down once more, they would just resurface years later until you took out the root of the problem.

You had failed to do it once.

"...are ye listening?"

Your eyes flicker up from your murky food, locking eyes with Soap. What the hell kind of name was that anyway. Was he good at cleaning dishes? A lot of code names tend to be teasing or insults, so maybe he got teased for it?

"Yeah," you reassure him by briefly giving him your undivided attention. You'd quickly trail out again.

"Ye can tell me to shut up, ah know ah talk a lot" he doesn't sound ashamed of it, but you can hear the hint of self deprecation. Someone's definitely shamed him in the past. You had no intention to do so, you quite preferred people who talk a lot. They talk fast, easy, and typically give way more information than they should which paints you a better picture. A bonus point that it fills out the silence you bring.

"No... it’s nice," you mutter and pick up your fork. You might as well try to fight some of it down, you hadn't even touched any of it yet, and Soap was practically done even with his rambling.

You didn't know whether the lack of people in a typically populated space made you more or less anxious.

"So, ye used to hunt these people a few years ago?"

You meet his eyes for the first time in what feels like forever. You're not sure what you were supposed to find in them, but definitely not the curiosity that shines. This entire taskforce is playing with a hellfire they do not understand. It's practically impossible to take it down, even from within, lord knows you've tried.

"Yeah."

You could bite your lip bloody trying to think of ways to continue the conversation from here. He goes wildly quiet for you. Is he expecting for you to elaborate? What does he even want you to say? What were you allowed to say? What did they know? How much information is appropriate over a lunch in a very public area?

You were starting to regret your decision of agreeing to all of this. You hadn't even started and the stress was pulling you down under.

"They're hard to find, even with a full team" he shakes his head amused, "ah can't even imagine what it must've been like hunting them practically all alone."

"I wasn't alone."

He seems surprised. Good.

Kate hadn't told them every detail.

"They were tenacious then; I don't doubt the group wont behave much different this time around. They always end up with the same values, the same goal." You ramble on, catching yourself by biting your tongue.

"What's the goal?" he asks.

"Doomsday preppers in a nutshell, just add a slimy layer of misguided religion on top of it." You finally take a big bite of your food. It slides down your throat slowly, the dryness, or size catching you off-guard.

Soap slides your glass closer to you. "Not new, but also not every day ye see it to this large of an extent."

"It's been organized for years now, they're not likely to stop from a threat from the authorities. Only way is to take out the roots." You mumble on after getting your throat cleared. There were quite a few ways to go about doing that, all of them left an acidic taste in your mouth.

You could see the way he wanted to ask more. He should refrain, wait for it all to be revealed in proper time instead of probing you for information in an informal interrogation. A quite nice one at that.

You had yet to decide on how close you wanted to get to him.

John MacTavish, Soap.

He was a sergeant, chatty nature, one for jokes, witty, smart. A person worthy to note, despite rebellious appearances.

The captain had yet to earn your respect, and likewise yours his. He was impressive on all accounts. He would also be the first person to throw you off this mission at a sign of weakness. Valuable in its own right.

Kyle was indifferent towards you, a bit cold perhaps, though he seemed a gentleman when it came down to it.

Ghost was......Simon.

You didn't know what you expected when you met Simon again. He's a lot more different than you thought he would be. Taking on the persona of Ghost, you suppose you can't blame him for needing an escape, but the motif still stirs something awful in your chest. Neither of you really got over it.

Maybe you'd have preferred it if he wasn't so aloof with you, a bit more direct in your long-awaited reunion. Perhaps it would have been better if it had mimicked TV, the rain and yelling and screaming in a scenic location to make it more meaningful to you. Unfortunately, reality tends to be far more boring.

"So did he always wear that mask?"

"Ghost? Aye, as long as I've known the bastard," he chuckles "can ask Price about before that, he's known 'im the longest."

There's a pang in your heart, something that feels an awful lot like a drop jealousy, but you can't allow that. It wouldn't be one bit fair. If you were the one to walk away from him then, were you really allowed to feel anything at all for him? Certainly not jealousy over the new relationships he'd build. You should be happy, you really should.

But how dare he abandon you so fast.

You shake your head free of the feeling. Wrongful, wishful, thinking wouldn't change the truth nor the fact he was supposedly better off here.

"Known him long?"

"Ever since we got assigned on this taskforce, give or take a few years now. And Ye?"

"Old acquaintances."

There's another sting in your heart that burns something fierce. All the nights you had spent wishing you were still in contact with him coming back to you. Times when it felt like a single word from him would make life worth living again. A single glance from him could make it worth anything.

You tried to ignore that bit.

But the mask had a symbolism you didn't like any better. You'd only be arrogant to think or claim that you still knew him and his thoughts, but it was still distasteful. Had he forgotten? You had both ran from it, difference was he now wore it on his face and you watched it creep in the shadows.

You had always hated the cold streaks in first signs of winter. When the temperature went freezing, the trees losing their colour, the sun hiding more often now behind threatening clouds. However still no snow. All the unfortunate parts with none of the benefits.

And standing on Simon's freezing front porch didn't help. He was taking too long. It had been half a minute since you rung the doorbell. Where the hell was he? His parents were supposed to be out, and despite his little brother still being home, the two of you would take any opportunity you could take.

You wrap your jacket closer around you. The biting frost nipping at your cheeks and nose. For a moment you debate whether you should ring the bell again, but you remember his words clear, he had told you to just go in, even if it felt wrong to do that without a formal invitation straight from the door.

You hadn't been here too many times. Some part of yourself too scared that the smell of smoke would sting your clothes, and that your parents would know exactly where you had been. You needed to be careful, one wrong decision and they'd forbid you from seeing him again.

You aren't sure if you could handle that.

The door creeks when you open it, too loud for your taste. It makes you grimace. You try calling out for him, to no response. There's a smell of freshly baked bread, likely at the hands of his mum.

A smile tugs on your lips, your stomach twisting hungrily in your body. Hurriedly you kick off your shoes, and hang up your jacket, emerging in the home's living room. For a moment you wonder if anyone is even home, it feels cold from the lack of interaction.

"Simon?" it's not like him to leave you alone like that. Was he even home?

You tiptoe towards the hallway peeking down the dark way. When you stare too long, the shadows move occasionally, takes shape like moving smoke. Another time you softly call his name, slowly coming up to Simon's and his brother’s bedroom.

It's cracked open very slightly, the shine of light coming from the slit. It illuminates the dying flowers placed neatly on a bookshelf. You move to open the door, but before you can get there, you feel a tap on your shoulder.

The hairs on the back of your neck rise, the subtle warm breath from someone else hitting your skin. It felt wrong, and in the back of your mind you knew who it was, what he was doing. You whipped around, the fear having already seeped into your eyes. You were ready to shield yourself, stare into the tall figure that looked like the personification of death.

The scream that erupted from your lungs, weren't only of fear but also from genuine shock. The figure wasn't tall like you had expected, instead you had to glance downwards to meet the eyes behind a white skull mask. You stumble backwards, crashing your body against the door and falling all the way down to the floor.

The boy stands above you, a fit of psychotic little giggles come from him which make your stomach churn with disgust. He holds a butterknife in his hand. It's the only reason you haven't gotten up yet as you stare at his display, trying to mimic his father.

"Tommy what are you doing!" you shout out offended. You hope it covers the tinge of fear you carry. In no universe should Simon's little brother look like this, in no world should he be able to scare you this badly.

The antsy sensation isn't just from the initial surprise, it swirls in your blood at the sight of a raised knife. It doesn't matter that it isn't sharp, it doesn't even matter that it's not directly pointed at you.

It makes you remember. The late nights, the early mornings, the fights that took place within your own home. The list of threats you'd heard, you could recite them as clear as your favourite quote from your favourite book.

"Tommy...put down the knife." You don't hear the tremble in your voice but he does. He tilts his head; a line of light falls over the skull mask. His eyes are illuminated beneath it, they carry nothing but distaste for you.

He's never liked you. You were fine with that, but this is just too far. Where was Simon anyway!? If Tommy was home then he should be as well, maybe even his mother if anything at all.

Like a saving grace, an angel sent from the heavens, you hear his uncertain voice call out shakily.

"Tommy what are you doing, give that to me."

Simon pulls you even closer to his form, your legs shift from how you're sitting halfway into his lap. He had practically forced you this close when you started to complain about the cold. Not that you minded the proximity itself.

"Are you sure we can't just lock a room, so he won't disturb us?" You nuzzle closer into his side. A big breath exits your lungs, it rises upwards like a little cloud. His arm pulls your jacket closer around, his hand settling on your waist to give you a little squeeze.

"We're fine here," he mumbles into your hair "got you all to myself."

"I know," you say exasperated "it's just why would he do that...it's not...its..."

You don't know how to formulate your words right. It's hard to explain exactly what you saw from your perspective on the floor. A terrifying display you never want to see on Tommy's innocent face again. That look was reserved for his father, not that you were any happier seeing it on him either.

"He's been acting up...mood swings and all that" Simon sighs and shakes his head. "He's done it to me too a few times when mom and dad are fighting...I... don’t understand it. Even when dad brought that snake in, he was all giddy...I don't think he really understands," Simon confesses.

"Wait, what snake?!" you manage to pull yourself away from his arms. You stay close in his hold to keep sharing body heat, but you raise yourself on your knees so you're looking down at his face. "Your dad brought a snake into your home, to you, and he just laughed?" you sounded pissed off, and rightfully so you were. He'd never told you this before now.

"Yeah, were years ago now but..." he raises a hand, his thumb brushing over to dull marks above his lips "it bit me."

Your eyebrows furrow and you have to hold yourself back from not yelling out in frustration. You bite down on your own lip hard, and reach a hand up to gently run your fingers over the two scars in the form of dots. He closes his eyes as he feels your skin on his, let's out a shuddering breath. He always gets like this now at your touch, he always seems so affected, always positively.

In the beginning you thought it was just hormones, puberty for him now that you're both well into your teenage years. A round of "Boys will be boys," as your mother would keep saying whenever you told her how you saw the boys at school pick on the girls in the most horrendous ways.

Simon's a boy but you've never seen him be that cruel. And then you started to think it might just be you he's like this with, that to anyone else, any other girl or boy that gets close never gets to see him have this kind of reaction.

He opens his eyes and your breath catches in your throat with an ugly little sound. It makes you snort, giggling into your hand as you listen to his rumble of a chuckle. His arms snake around your waist, bring you in closer, pressing your bodies up against each other as much as can be.

He looks up at you like you're the only person in the world.

Like you're everything to him, as if you were to go his world would collapse around him. And you know it's true because you feel the same way. If he were to ever leave, you wouldn't know how to function, you wouldn't have an escape from the abuse, a person to keep you afloat when you're drowning.

You lean down a little to place a soft peck just above his lips, on the dotted scars.

You're not sure what true love is, but if you'll ever have a chance at it, it has to be this. There can be no other explanation for that glint in his eye reserved only for you.

He looks at you with pure love.

Soap looks at you expectantly. The dull sounds of the mess hall fill your ears again, you didn't even realize you zoned out. You only pray it wasn't for an unusually long time.

"We knew each other way back, before he joined the military I think." You try your best to play it off as not a big deal. As if you hadn't been in deep with him once upon an easier time. You doubted Simon would want to bring more attention to it than necessary when it came to his teammates.

"Before? Woah, can finally say ah know someone who knew the legendary ghost before he became ghost." He sounds pleased with himself. You don't understand the difference.

Like speaking of the devil himself, the tall dark figure with a mask you wanted to rip off him, emerged into the hall. It didn't turn many heads, but the way you whipped your head dramatically brought Soap's attention to him as well.

"Well...speak of the devil..." he mumbled. You could hear the smile on his lips without looking.

It's a bit late to come in for lunch, but when you think about it you didn't see him go eat with the others, while you were actively avoiding them. He would always retreat into his own room or office, like you would do.

Both you and Soap watches as he goes up to select what his lunch will be. Occasionally you glance towards Soap, observing his interest in Simon, you try to gouge at their relationship. They'd likely be good friends, having a soldier camaraderie for years now. It made you wonder if Soap would now qualify as one to know more about the boy you used to be so close with, than you do yourself.

You look back to Simon, trying to get a proper glimpse of his mask again. You have to bite back an annoyed groan when they flood your vision again.

The shadows encompass his mask all around. They block out the once dirty white with a coal black. It moves around like a mass, obscuring his face, his head taking on spiky ends, then blocky, then smooth. It makes him look like the creatures in the mirrors, the only thing left being the uncanny clear view of his eyes.

They're so visible to you that they freak you out more than the moving shadows, looking straight out of an uncomfortable picture you'd find on the internet. When he finally picks up his food and turns to your direction, your breath catches in your throat with an ugly little sound.

Soap looks at you concerned, but you wave him off quickly taking a big gulp of your water.

You look back to see exactly what you thought it was. You'd recognize that look on him anywhere from just his eyes. People say eyes are the windows to someone's soul, you don't know if you believe it for everyone else or even yourself, your eyes look so dull in the mirror, but for Simon it's the truest statement you've heard.

Despite the time apart, that look is burned into your retinas. It's been an image you clung to over the years, you last remnant of him, something to remind you of what you once had.

And he's looking towards you, like he used to do.

He's looking towards you with an expression you haven't seen in person in years.

He's looking towards you with a look of love you'd never think you'd see on his face again.

He's looking towards you with such devotion that someone like you doesn't deserve from someone like him.

You realize it too late. You glance away from Simon and look to the man sitting in front of you

He looks at you with pure love.

He's not looking at you.

Are you seriously jealous over a man you haven't seen in years?

You know it's pathetic. You know it's nonsensical. You know you shouldn't.

Yet you pace back and forth in your room, the shadows louder than they've ever been in months. They corner you in on every side, lunge out at you when you get too close to the walls. Their thousand little voices overlap in a chorus of insults.

Vile, pathetic, weak, useless, killer.

Your hands raise up to cover your ears but it does nothing to dampen the intensity. Your clothes feel too tight on your body, the air too humid, a certain place in the room burning hot with agony and shame. The little space under your bed. The bag with the letters that once brought you comfort.

They burn hot even from a distance. A rush of hot and cold going through your bloodstream. Ice beneath your skin one moment and boiling blood the next.

Did he ever even look at you like that? Wasn't it different back then? He had the dumb puppy love for you none of that was real.

"Shut up," your voices breaks in your throat and comes out a meek whisper.

Just take a look at those pathetic letters.

"No..."

Each one of them so much later than the next. Spaced out perfectly to leave you in the dark, first a week then two then a month then two months then...

"Shut it!" you shout out with the animalistic ferocity you've been taught. The shadows retract slightly, giving you more room to breathe. Normally you try to ignore the voices that go through your head, you've found answering them only encourage their absurd bait. They could taunt you all they wanted. Voices instilled by vile men in your life, repeated over and over and over and over and over.

Until they manifested themselves within your skull and refused to leave.

In a way you know the things you are seeing aren't real, but it feels so solid. All of it just your fragmented mind trying to make sense of what you were forced to see. None of it could be real.

Sometimes you think that you could actually reach out and touch them, but anytime you've tried they just retract further away from you. You've always hated how it swims in your vision, distracts you from what's actually important.

You look towards the bed, under it, the bag, the letters that almost flood out of it from where you've thrown it. They call to you, scream at you so silently. Your legs are sluggish like walking through water as they carry you there. Your fingers touching what feels like knives as you pull out the nearest letter.

The little piece of paper he left on your bed before he left for the military.

To my love, my dear little spider

You read quietly, the whisper barely even audible on your lips.

I'm sorry that I have to go. Don't fall apart without me, okay?

See you soon, your Simon

Likes, Reblogs and comments are always appreciated, love ya! <3

Taglist: @chickennn-soupp @unlikelyaperson @ghostlythots @lilynotdilly @islnd-vybz @spicyspicyliving @kaoyamamegami

[shittylongcatposts]

To Hell with love - Sinnerman ch. 2 Priest au!

word count: ~1200 trigger warning: mentions of religion, contains some swear words

“Jesus, men suck”, her friend stated and threw herself on Miriam’s bed. The young woman started to explain what happened, not leaving out a single thing, while she tried to tell her friend all the dirty details that happened since the last time they met. That her now ex-boyfriend betrayed her, and even started to harass her after their breakup, claiming that she was the guilty one in this part, guilty for not even letting him sleep with her whenever he wanted to, in fact Miriam was glad they didn’t get to this point of their relationship at all, because she wasn’t ready for it. The young woman felt relieved that she finally could speak about all of this with somebody. After Becca listened to Miriam’s whole story she sighed and held out a pot filled with ice cream, waiting for her friend to finally grab the spoon and eat it.

However, said friend sat on the edge of her bed crying. She didn’t want to cry, actually she hated to feel like this. Helpless, and hurt by this guy, she fell in love with all this time ago. Miriam still had some feelings for him, even though turned out to be an asshole. But she also knew that after giving it a little bit of time she would feel better. Relieved. Free, and maybe ready to move on. With her friend slowly stroking her back and her curly hair, her sobs died out, and eventually Miriam’s mood started to brighten up. Soon she grabbed the pot of ice cream and started shoveling the ice into her mouth.

“That’s more like it! Finally you’re eating something!” Becca cheered, attempting to hug the other woman from behind, at the same time Miriam tried to swallow a huge spoonful of ice. But she failed horribly. With loud laugh Becca and Miriam fell over, neither of them being able to get up again. Both women started giggling and eventually Miriam stopped coughing.

“You sound like I haven't eaten anything in days” Miriam pouted and rolled her eyes and sat back up. Her voice was still rough from the small incident.

“Hey, I’m just taking care of my friend, here, I could also just go home again.” Becca said jokingly, staring at her with a grimace.

“Hell no you can’t, we haven’t even started the movie yet. Plus I haven’t seen you for ages, you can’t just leave me again and disappear for weeks!”

They both looked at each other with weird grimaces playing on their faces. When the friends looked at each other again, they laughed wholeheartedly. Oh, how much Miriam missed hanging out with her best friend.

That night they decided on having a sleepover, and to watch some bad movies while downing some wine and snacks. After Miriam finished rummaging around in her apartment, on her mission to find said snacks and wine, the best friends soon cuddled up against each other on the couch, ready to start the movie-night.

While opening up the bottle, the movie started, but neither of the girls were paying attention to it, both friends were focused on each other, looking up memes on their phone, laughing about nothing and everything, telling funny stories about their ex boyfriends and their weird habits.

Every now and then the friends clinked their glasses together. Each time toasting to something different.

“may he roast in hell.” “ Here’s to a new life”

The movie got better in the middle so their talking ebbed down. Sometimes it was silent, then every now and then Becca quoted something out of the movie, while Miriam called out some weird facts or things happening on screen that she noticed.

The movie ended with a glorious finale and Becca held up her glass one last time humming a very familiar tune, both women were slightly tipsy and had some difficulties grabbing their glasses.

“ To hell with lies, to hell with love, The pain, the tears, the broken heart, all of the above” They sang together.

When Miriam finally laid down in her bed later that night, Becca already snored softly, she closed her eyes listening to the sound of the darkness. She quickly thanked her friend for being there for her, but merely received a tired moan as an answer.

This was something she felt like she needed for such a long time. Balm for the soul or whatever people may call it, and she hoped this would never end. That their friendship would last forever.

The next day Miriam drove down the street after she dropped Becca at the Bus station. It was a pretty warm day and she hoped that her friend didn’t forget her water bottle. (“stay hydrated, Rebecca!!!” “Yes, Ma’am!!”)

The traffic light sprung to red and she stopped, quickly tying her curly hair up into a bun, hoping that it would help to cool her down at least a little bit. Then she took some time to look around, there was an old lady crossing the street and it took her quite a while. Miriam tried recalling the name of her, she probably knew her from her work, but she couldn’t remember. She knew she visited the elderly people’s home regularly when they planned their bingo nights.

Then there was somebody quickly walking over the grass in front of the church. The person dressed all in black stopped in front of the sign, rearranging the letters on it. “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”

That’s some motivational quote. Miriam smiled and thought of the old father, he would never do something like this. Even years after getting that sign it always ended up saying the same. “Come join us on sunday” That’s it.

The young guy stepped back, proudly looking at his work, he closed the bible and turned around. Now that the young woman got a closer look at him she recognized him as the new priest, the one who stepped in for Father Smith. With this proud smile on his face and his slightly disheveled raven black hair he looked quite nice. Maybe he’d bring some joy into the community for the other people. Miriam didn’t really notice she was still staring at him until he stopped to wave her a small hello, an angelic smile playing around his lips. She smiled back waving too when she saw the traffic lights going from red to green. Stepping on the gas she left the church behind, a flush of red hushing over her cheeks. God, that was unnecessary, she thought to herself, when she finally arrived at her home again. Her thoughts were still filled with that priest, it must be pretty weird to come to a community where everybody just joked about the church, despite the real strict catholics of course, but this small “circle” consisted only of five people, the rest showed up either on easter or christmas to say that they at least visited the church once a year. Miriam thought about paying it a visit again, maybe it wouldn’t be too bad. And with Sunday being tomorrow she actually considered setting her foot into the church again. After all these godless years.

hey guys, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, i finally had the courage to post it, yay. Stay tuned there's more to come. oh and the song mentioned here is called "To hell with love" a song from a german punk band called the Donots

[mykie-min]

Come Home - Part 1

Themes: Poly!BTS, Hybrid AU

Warnings: none that I can think of yet

Word Count: 4800

A/N: So I have ABSOLUTELY no idea where I’m going with this. I got the inspiration from reading other hyrid au’s here and just starting writing. I haven’t written outside of school in years, so it might be a bit messy or not make a lot of sense. I have a rough plan of what I’d like to do, but no set timeline for when I’ll post new parts, or even how many parts there will be. If you read this, I really hope you enjoy it. Constructive criticism is always welcome!

Run.

Don’t stop.

You can’t.

If you stop, he’ll find you.

For nearly a month these were the only thoughts swirling your mind. Keep moving. Find food. Keep moving. Rest. Keep moving. You only realized how long you’d been free from your master when the night air started to chill with the changing seasons. You wanted desperately to stop, to just rest. Eat until you were full and sleep for more than an hour. But you couldn’t risk it.

It was pure miracle that you had escaped at all. For five years he had treated you cruelly. He had bought you from a hybrid trader, who had stolen you from a breeder. You remembered the day he bought you, wearing a mask of kindness, promising a loving warm home. As soon as the door shut behind you in his home, you knew it would not be what you so naively dreamed of.  He only wanted a trophy. A rare hybrid to parade around his rich friends when he hosted large events. Keeping you in the barely lit, barely warm basement when there was no one around to boast too.

A month ago you finally found your chance to escape. He was drunk. A business venture of his had fallen through and he was angry. So he came down to the basement, forgetting to lock the door behind him as he always had before. He wanted to hurt you, to take out his anger on you, this time in a way he never had before.

You fought back, he was bigger then you, but he was drunk and you were fast. You kicked him off of you, grabbing the porcelain bowl the maid would leave your food pellets it, and swung it hard over his head. He crumpled to the ground before you even realized what you held in your hands. Run. Grabbing the keys from his pocket, you ran upstairs, locking him in the basement as he’d done to you so many times. Rushing through the main part of the house, you broke into the backyard, dropping keyring into the grass as you ran as fast as you could away from him.

He wasn’t dead. He would wake up and he would be angry. If he ever found you again, he wouldn’t just hurt you. He would end your life. Of that you were certain.

Now here you were. A month later and wandering around a large park, sticking to the tree line to avoid bringing attention to yourself. Luckily earlier in the week you stumbled across an empty backyard with clothes hung out to dry. The thought of stealing bothered you, but you had to look clean or people would know you were a stray.

That’s when you first saw them. The seven most beautiful men you’d ever seen. They were laying out large blankets in the grass of a large clearing, setting baskets on to them before a few broke away from the group with a frisbee. You could smell that most were hybrids, but from the distance you couldn’t make a clear distinction.

With your gaze locked on the baskets full of food you hadn’t noticed one of them turn to you after a breeze cut through the trees, carrying your scent to him. His movement finally caught your attention, he was looking your way, but your spot behind a large tree blocked you from his view. Curious, you peeked out to see him no further then 20 feet away. The stripped ears sticking up from his shaggy brown hair immediately caught your attention. Your own sandy blond ears twitching in response to another cat breed.

When he finally saw the curious little face gazing at him, he couldn’t stop the smile spreading over his face. His reaction caused your breath to catch in your chest. He was beautiful. He took a step towards you, breaking your mesmerized state. You tore your gaze away from his, retreating into the trees.

“Wait!” you heard his deep voice call, but his footsteps didn’t try to follow you.

“Taehyung, what is it?” a second voice sounded off.

“There was a girl, a hybrid, she looked like she wanted to play.” Pressing your back into a tree, you focused your hearing on them.

“Maybe she got spooked by everybody. Come on, we’ve still got time to play before lunch.”

“But Namjoon..”

“No buts, if you chase her you’ll just scare her.” You heard the boy, Taehyung, sigh in acceptance before their footsteps returned to the group.

You watched them for a while, now noting the five hybrids and two humans split off into groups. They seemed so…happy. The only humans you’d ever known were your master and the ones who worked for the hybrid trader at the training center. Every human you’d ever come in contact with was cruel…Well, not every one. The maid who worked for you master was kind. As kind as she could be anyway. She tried once to sneak extra pellets into your bowl after your master had given you a particularly bad beating for knocking over an expensive vase with your tail. He slapped her and threatened to fire her if she ever did it again. You knew she had two children at home to feed, she couldn’t risk it, no matter how much she wanted to help you.

You were pulled from your memories at the sight of a tall dog hybrid tackling one of the humans. You expected to see him angered, surely the hybrid would be punished. But the human just laughed. Unable to understand this group, you turned your eyes away from them in search of a water fountain. If you couldn’t find food, you at least had to stay hydrated.

You quickly found one nearby, relishing in the cool fresh water filling your empty stomach. As quickly as the relief washed over you, it was ripped away when a rough hand on your shoulder spun you around. Eyes quickly falling on the two forms in front of you, immediately recognizing the uniforms. Hybrid Enforcement Police. “Where’s your collar hybrid? Your owner should know you can’t be outside without one.”

Shit. Of course, this would catch up to you. You didn’t have a collar to take with you because your master hadn’t ever let you leave. “Are you mute? Where is your collar? If you can’t take us to your owner, then we’re taking you down to the city shelter.”

“Ahh there you are kitten!” you felt two strong arms wrap around your shoulders, bringing into a firm chest. “Sorry sirs, we were playing hide and seek, she must’ve run off to get some water.” You looked up into the smiling face of the hybrid you’d seen just minutes before. Taehyung..I think. His tanned skin and bright smile were even more breathtaking up close.

“If she’s with you then where is your owner? She shouldn’t be wondering around without a collar.”

“Oh, right, her collar…you see..” Taehyung stuttered, his muscles tensing, arms tightening around you.

“Taehyung, there you are.” His eyes immediately fell on the tall figure approaching you, his body relaxing instantly. The newcomer quickly looked between you and his hybrid before turning to the other two humans. “I’m Kim Seokjin, is something wrong officers?”

“This boy says the girl hybrid is with you, but she has no collar. I’m sure you know the laws. We were about to take her into the shelter if she couldn’t explain herself.”

“Aww, I see. I’m very sorry for the confusion.” This was it, he was going to turn you in. Tell them Taehyung had been lying and they didn’t know you. They would take you away and you would be returned to your master. What happened next though, nearly stopped your heart. “She’s with us of course, her collar must’ve fallen off while they were playing. They get a bit rough sometimes you see.” This man simply radiated charm, easily throwing off the officers. “I’ll make sure she stays close to us for the rest of the day. Now come on you two, I came to find you because lunch is ready. Everyone is waiting.” Hand on Taehyungs shoulder and kind eyes smiling at your shocked face, he led you away from the officers before they could question him more.

Taehyung loosened his hold you, now walking beside you with only one arm around your shoulders. “Your lucky I found you Tae, what were you thinking just running off?”

“I had too hyung, I saw them walking over to her and I didn’t want her to get in trouble.” He smiled down at you. “I’m sure you heard him before, but I’m Taehyung, tiger hybrid.” He punctuated with a wink. “I could tell you’re a cat too from your scent earlier. This is Seokjin, he’s really nice.” On cue the human smiled at you again. Your brain couldn’t seem to form a sentence with these two men staring at you.

“You can call me Jin little one. Can you tell us your name?” Easily blushing at Jin’s attention.

“y/n…”

“Aww, y/n. I knew you’d have a pretty name. And a pretty voice. You should come play with us. I’m sure your owner won’t mind.” The tiger grinned at you, tail swishing against your own.

Owner. In a flash his face appeared in your mind again. Halting your tracks. They stopped also, looking at your curiously. “I’m sorry. Thank you for helping me, but I should go.”

“Is your owner waiting for you? We can take you back to him if your lost.”

“No!” your sudden protest surprised them as much as you. “I mean, no you don’t have to take me back. I just…I should leave before I cause you more trouble.” Ears flattened down against your hair, hands tugging at your stolen sweater.

You didn’t notice the stare shared between the two before Jin slowly stepped up to you. “y/n, do you not want to go back?” Words caught in your throat, body tensing in preparation to flee. “You can be honest with me little one, I promise we won’t hurt you.” You tried to tell if he was lying, if he smelled anything like your master when he lied. But he didn’t. He smelled like warm tea and fresh flowers.

Taehyung stepped next to you again, hand gently smoothing down your hair. “y/n, do you want to go back to your owner?” Still unable to find your voice, your shook your head lightly, eyes glued to the ground.

“Alright, we won’t take you back. Why don’t you come have lunch with us? We have plenty of food.” You looked up to Jin’s still gentle smile. How could he so different then your master? His personality was a stark contrast to what you’d always known. He smiled like your master had, they day he brought you home, but there was no hidden malice in his eyes. There was only warmth.

“I shouldn’t..” unfortunately you were cut off by a low growl emitting from your stomach at the prospect of a meal. Both men chuckled at the blush growing over your cheeks. Taehyung reached his hand out to you, beckoning you gently. You took his hand, noticing how it engulfed your own smaller one. His smile grew as he linked his fingers with yours, leading you along with them through the trees.

As you broke through the foliage into the clearing you’d first seen them, you saw the rest of their group setting up a picnic in the grass. They didn’t turn around to their companions until your escorts stopped just short of the blankets laid out for seating. Jin gave you a reassuring look before gaining their attention. “Hoseok, grab another plate for food. We have a guest.” At this all eyes were on you in a flash.

Taehyung chuckled at the small noise you made as you hid behind his frame. “She’s the girl I saw in the trees earlier.” You pressed yourself into his back, his scent instantly calming your nerves. It was like the forest, but something sweet underneath it all. But why…you’d just met him, how did he have this effect on you? Another hybrid had never made you feel safe, only like you were prey. A toy to be played with.

“Of course, any friend of Tae’s is welcome to join us.” you didn’t know who was talking, it was a voice you hadn’t heard yet. Tae gave your hand a reassuring squeeze before you peeked your head around him at the five sets of eyes trained on you. Your eyes found the owner of the voice, the other human, smiling at you.

“That’s my partner Hoseok, you can call him Hobi.” Jin started, patting your head. “This is our family. The two dogs’ hybrids there are Namjoon and Jungkook, he’s the youngest so he can get a bit hyper like Tae, but he’s a sweet kid.” You looked to the chocolate brown eyes glued to you, his tail going a mile a minute behind him. When your eyes met his, a wide smile broke onto his face, his black ears standing straight in his matching messy hair. Before you could step out from Tae to see them all, a figure stopped in front of you. You looked up surprised at this happy face staring at you.

“Aww you’re so pretty! Are you going to play with us after? Jin brought bubble wands today. It’s really fun.” His eyes morphed into crescent moons as he talked so fast you could hardly understand. You barely took notice of the black and orange ears poking out from his light brown hair before a hand reached to grab his neck, pulling him back from you. Immediately a pale, black haired man took his place, short haired black ears standing on his head.

“Yah, calm down Jimin, give her some room to breathe.” His deep voice commanded the other cat before he turned to you. “Sorry, he gets really excited around new hybrids. I’m Yoongi, if they give you any trouble just let me or Namjoon know. He’s a wolf so he’s like the alpha of the group.” He smiled warmly at you. Feeling calmed by the black cat’s presence, you finally took a step out from your hiding spot. You were so focused on Yoongi you didn’t notice the looks on everyone’s face at seeing you completely. She’s so cute. Echoing through every mind. “What’s your name?”

“y/n.” Eyes grew wider at the sound of your voice. Yoongi reached out, like Tae had before, and you took his hand without a second thought. You couldn’t explain why, but you were drawn to them without even knowing them. The two lead you to a spot on the blankets, sitting on either side of you. Yoongi handed you a paper plate, starting to fill it with bits of food. A small sandwich, some cut up fruits, little wraps of seaweed filled with rice, vegetables, and salmon.

You held the plate on your lap, looking around at everyone happily eating the food, talking about the next activity of the day. Jin and Hoseok noticed you hadn’t touched the food, a knowing look passed between them. “Y/n,” you looked at Hoseok smiling warmly from his spot next to Yoongi. “Are you not hungry? You don’t have to eat anything you don’t like.”

“I am, but….you haven’t given me permission to eat yet..” you voice died off at the looks suddenly thrust on you. The cats beside you tensed, eyes locking over your head. Everyone had the same look of confusion and sadness. What kind of house did you come from? Why would you need permission to eat something they’d already given you?

“y/n, you never need permission for anything. This family doesn’t work that way. Here, everyone is an equal.” Namjoon tried to keep his voice calm, not wanting to cause you anymore distress. He was no stranger to the way most hybrids were treated, but the thought of someone treating such a small being so horribly, it still angered him. You gave a small nod in understanding, but still felt a bit unsure. You’d never had any ounce of freedom before.

You picked up the small sandwich, taking a tentative bite that seemed to appease the nerves of the seven men watching you. You continued eating, as soon as you finished something Taehyung or Yoongi would refill your plate without a word. The older taking note of how you seemed to prefer the strawberries and only giving you those from the fruit salad. Jin and Hoseok smiled at the usually stoic cat. They were surprised to see him taking a liking to a new hybrid so quickly. But there was something about the way your doe eyes peered at him from under your lashes that made his heart clench. Much like Taehyung, he felt the need to look after you, but couldn’t explain why. Though he had a good guess.

“Y/n, are you thirsty? Jin made lemonade.” You looked to the happy pup, Jungkook, who was offering you a glass of yellow liquid. You slowly took it from him, fingers brushing his, causing a blush to grow on his cheeks. You sniffed it, tail twitching it wonder.

“What is it?”

“You’ve never had lemonade?” you shook your head in response. “It’s the best thing on warm days, try it.” His tail swayed happily behind him. Everyone watched as you took a small sip. Your ears perked up straight as the taste hit your tongue, tailing swishing excitedly. A curious of awws sounded from the group, Taehyung and Jin both gripping their chests.

“She’s so cute, my heart can’t take it.” The others laughed at their dramatics, Yoongi telling them to stop being weird or they’d scare you off.

“y/n, what kind of hybrid are you? I’ve never seen ears like yours before.” Jimin smiled curiously at you.

“The hybrid trader said I’m a sand cat.” Those words didn’t escape the humans notice.

“Ohhh, so you’re a little predator. You’ll fit in with us perfect.” Taehyung smiled. “Yoongi is a black panther, Jiminie is a Calico.”

“I’m really outnumbered now, I’m the only domestic cat.” Jimin giggled.

“I’m a Labrador, I’m a domestic breed too.” Jungkook added, scooting closer to your little group.

“You came from a hybrid trader?” Namjoon asked gently, “How long ago was that?”

“I think it’s been..5 years. He sold me to my master when I was 14.”

Master. That word left a bitter feeling in each of the men’s throats. “How long were you with the trader?” Yoongi asked, now wanting to know more about what lead you here alone.

“He stole me from the exotic breeder when I was 4. I think I’m from somewhere else, I just remember spending a long time on a boat before I got here.”

The elders of the group knew what this meant. A hybrid smuggler, it had gotten much harder to bring in hybrids from out of the country. But it wasn’t impossible. Once they started making more laws to protect hybrids, it was harder to move them underground. Which made exotic breeds, like yours, all the more expensive.

“If your all finished eating why don’t you go play? We’ll clean up from lunch.” Jin smiled at you all, happy that you seemed to have relaxed around them, but he needed to talk with the others about what they could do for you. Surely, they couldn’t just leave you alone at the park while they went back to their warm home.

“Come on y/n.” Taehyung stood up, pulling you along with him. Jimin and Jungkook followed behind you, the latter grabbing a blue duffel bag. You looked back to Yoongi who seemed lost in thought before he realized your gaze was on him. He gave you a gentle smile, standing to pat your head.

“Go on and play kitten, we’ll join in soon.” You let Tae and Jimin pull you further out into the clearing while Yoongi continued to call to them. “Yah, don’t play to rough with her! I’ll kick your asses!”

The boys laughed at their elder’s threat, though they knew it wasn’t empty. The usually passive one was quite scary when angered. “y/n, have you ever played badminton?” Jimin asked.

“Why would you play with a bad mitten?” you tilted your head in confusion. The look Tae held on his face was priceless. He wanted nothing more than to squeeze you tight in his arms. She’s too adorable. It’s not fair.

The other four stayed back to pack up the picnic. All of them watching the maknaes surround you, explaining how to play the game. “So, what are we doing with her?” Namjoon spoke up, always the first take action when it concerned his pack.

“I know that she doesn’t want to go back to her owner. I think it’s pretty obvious she’s afraid of them.” Jin spoke sadly.

“Master.” Yoongi spit like the word as if it was poison on his tongue. “What kind of a sick fuck would make her call them that?”

“She seems like a nice girl.” Hobi smiled, watching the usually shy younger pup show you how to hold the racket and try to hit the bird. “They all really like her already. And we can’t just leave her out here alone. If she has no collar she must’ve run away.”

“She’s so small, I wonder how long its been since she had a proper meal.” Jin wrapped his arm around his partners shoulders, already knowing they were on the same page. They both had a heart for helping hybrids. They’d met years ago at a rally for hybrids rights after all. Hoseok worked at a hybrid shelter, that’s where he met Jimin and instantly fell in love with the sweet Calico. Jimin was already living with Hobi when they met, not long after they found Yoongi scrounging thru the dumpster of the café Jin owned. It took a few weeks of leaving food and clothing out before he could approach the wary panther.

Namjoon came next. They’d bought a house out in the woods and found him wondering in the trees one night. He’d escaped from a hybrid fighting ring a few months before. Much like Yoongi, he was cautious around them for the first few days. But Jimin’s warm nature seemed to calm both hybrids nerves. Taehyung and Jungkook came together. They’d been surrendered to the shelter after their owner decided they were to much work to take care of. Jimin would often accompany Hoseok to the shelter and instantly bonded with the two boys. It went without question that they ended up adopted into the family as well.

For over a year it felt like the family was complete. They loved each other and had the means to take care of every member in their home. But neither could deny the adoring way you seemed to already fit in with them. But they also knew they couldn’t make any decisions yet. They had to find out where you came from. No doubt your owner would be looking for you.

Before long they all joined in on the game, hitting the bird back and forth across the field. You’d yet to successfully hit it yourself, but Jungkook seemed adamant on helping you. Since he found out you were a year younger than him, he felt the need to help you like a good elder should. Namjoon could tell he was happy to have someone younger than him to baby like they all usually did to him.

When you finally batted the bird back to Jin the whole group erupted in cheers. Jungkook hugged you from behind, picking you up off the ground. “I knew you’d hit it soon! Good job y/n!” You blushed as he set you back on the ground, not used to having any amount of affection shown to you. You felt a hand scratching behind your ears, turning to see Yoongi smiling at you.

“Good job kitten.” You couldn’t stop the soft purr that emitted from you, turning your head into his touch as your eyes closed in bliss. No one ever pet you like this before. Once again Taehyung and Jin gripped at their chests, dramatically collapsing to the ground. Everything was perfect in that one moment. You didn’t want it to end.

But a sudden crash of thunder in the distance broke your trance, everyone jumping at the sound. “We should go, looks like a storm is coming in.” Hoseok called to the group.

“Aww, the weather said it was supposed to sunny all day.” Jimin complained, but still moved to help Jungkook start picking up the equipment.

This was it. They were going home, and you would be left alone again. You almost wish they never invited you to join them. Before, the thought of being alone had made you feel safe, now it felt suffocating. You didn’t want to be away from them….but why? You’d known them for a few hours and you already didn’t want to be apart from them. Though you didn’t voice any of your worries, they all seemed to know what you were thinking as your ears flattened against your hair. Suddenly a hand gripped yours, fingers threading together. Taehyung caressed your knuckles with his thumb. “Come on, lets go before the rain starts.”

“But…I can’t go with you.”

“Of course you can. You said you don’t want to go back to your owner.”

“You can come with us if you want y/n, but you don’t have to.” Hoseok gently stroked your hair. “We would feel better knowing your safe out of the storm though.” They didn’t want to leave you here, but would never force you to go with them. They wanted it to be your choice.

Taehyung nudged his nose against your cheek, smiling as he felt you shiver at the contact. “Come home with us y/n.” his deep voice whispered into your ear. You ducked your head to hide the red covering your cheeks. “Do you want to come home with us?”

“Yes.” You managed to speak out. “I want to go home with you.” You could feel him smile against your cheek, leaving a light peck there before moving back to smile at you.

“Come on then, lets go home.” Jungkook took your other hand and they lead you along with the group. After picking up all of their supplies they walked thru the park to an SUV parked nearby.

“We only have seven seats, so someone will have to share.” Jin said as they loaded up the trunk.

“I’ll share with y/n!” Taehyung yelled above the others.

“Aww no fair Tae. You’ve been holding her hand this whole time.” Jimin whined, but the smile on Tae’s face didn’t faltering.

“Hyung, next time we’ll do rock paper scissors. Your being greedy.” Jungkook pouted next to Jimin.

“Your all being greedy, she’s not a stuffed animal. Get in the car before I leave you all here and take her home myself.” Yoongi commanded the young ones, fighting back the amused smirk at their antics.

“Yes hyung.” They all lowered their ears as they shuffled into the car. Despite the earlier protests you still ended up on Tae’s lap, his arms locked securely around you, chin resting on your shoulder. As Jin started driving, you noticing the way Jimin still seemed to be pouting. Without thinking you reached out your hand to his hair, feeling the urge to comfort him. He seemed surprised at your sudden contact, causing you to hesitate.

“Sorry.” You stated shyly.

He only replied with a bright smile, taking your hand and placing in back into his hair, silently telling you it was okay. You couldn’t stop the smile biting at your lips as you stroked your fingers through his soft hair, lightly scratching behind his ear. He purred into your hand, much like you had done to Yoongi earlier. From the front seat, Jin and Hoseok shared a loving smile as they watched you in the rearview mirror. They held hands in a silent agreement, knowing they both wanted to same thing. They wanted you to join their family. They only hoped you would want the same thing.

[catrasredemption-moved]

Finn Prompt-a-palooza!

Here we go, finally! All four of Finn prompts from my inbox. I hope everyone enjoys!

I love all of the ficlets you've been posting here! Would you be willing to write more stories with Finn, especially when they first come under Catra and Adora's care, getting used to everybody?

Finn liked Catra better.

That was how Adora felt, at least, given the way the child seemed to cling to Catra. And she was trying really, really, really hard not to be jealous, because it made sense that Finn would latch on to the only other person like them.

But she always itched to reach out and comfort them whenever they were scared or anxious. She wouldn’t, because that would just scare them more. But the temptation was strong.

“It’s okay,” Catra assured Finn as he hid behind her leg. They had decided to rip off the band-aid and just introduce them to the entire Princess Alliance at once, after warning their well meaning friends to not overwhelm the child.

“Here.”

Catra easily picked Finn up, letting them stand on her chair and get a better look at everyone. “That’s Scorpia over there, she’s the one who gives really good hugs.” Scorpia beamed and waved. “And that’s Perfuma, she’s the one who restored most of the palace gardens. Those blue roses you like are hers. That’s Netossa and Spinnerella, they’re married like me and Adora, and they travel a lot and bring back awesome snacks. Don’t… Don’t try the chocolate, though. You might be allergic.”

They all grimaced a little, remembering Catra learning that about herself the hard way. “That’s Mermista — she’s the queen of Salineas, and I know that place is all water and it sucks, but she’s still cool.” Mermista threw a mock scowl in Catra’s direction. She stuck her tongue out over Finn’s head. “That’s Frosta, she’s the princess of the snow kingdom.”

Finn’s eyes lit up. “I’ve never seen snow.”

Catra bit down a groan before saying, “We’ll have to visit some time, if Frosta’s okay with it.”

“Of course, Kitty. I know how much you love the snow.”

Brat, Catra thought, resisting another, very mature tongue sticking out. “And that’s Entrapta. She’s the one who makes all the cool robots and stuff.”

“Oh, you like my robots?” Entrapta asked happily, already producing some new project from somewhere. “Wanna see what I’m working on?”

Finn looked at Catra, equal parts anxious and excited. Catra helped them off the chair. “Go on.”

They immediately ran over to Entrapta, watching her with wide eyes, while everyone just sort of stared at Catra. She raised an eyebrow back. “What?”

“Pretty sure they’re all just surprised you can talk to a child without terrifying them,” Glimmer teased. Catra hissed at her.

Finn, meanwhile, was starting to open a little, wandering around the table. Perfuma saw them coming and produced a blue rose, sticking it in their wild hair. They grinned and giggled.

“Can I give you a hug?” Scorpia asked excitedly.

“Little bones,” Catra reminded her as Finn nodded. Scorpia adjusted accordingly so as to not accidentally squish Finn, but they didn’t seem to mind. Adora wrapped her arms around Catra’s waist, resting her chin on her shoulder, and smiling as they watched Finn cautiously inspect Mermista, who was being surprisingly patient.

It was going to take awhile, Adora knew, for Finn to really adjust to all of them, but especially to going from no parents to two (possibly overbearing) moms, and an entire gaggle of aunts and uncles ready to dote on them at all times. The wait was worth seeing that smile on Finn’s face as Frosta produced a small snowstorm over their head.

It would be worth it.

* * * * *

Catra and Adora and the first time their child gets a really bad cold?

“Guys, it’s just a cold—”

“They won’t stop coughing! What if they can’t breathe? Or—”

Glimmer rested her hands on Adora’s shoulders, squeezing hard. Catra was still peeking into Finn’s room, watching them sleep fitfully.

“They’re fine. I promise. It’s a cold. Didn’t you guys get colds when you know what don’t answer that, I don’t want to hear about what terrifying medical system the Horde had. Just… trust me, okay? The healer said Finn is okay, they just need to stay hydrated and sleep. Okay?” Adora nodded, chewing on her thumbnail. “Catra, do you — and she’s gone.”

Glimmer sighed, looking into the room. Catra and Melog were sitting on Finn’s bed, Catra carefully checking their temperature with her hand.

“Okay, but if they’re like Catra, then how do we know they’ll be okay?” Adora asked anxiously. “Like, really know? The medicine the healers use doesn’t always work on her, remember?”

“And yet she’s still around to be a pain in my ass.” That got Gimmer a small smile.

“But what if they have some rare disease from living on the streets or—?”

“Adora, do I have to get Bow up here to hug you?”

Adora hesitated before nodding. Glimmer sighed, disappeared, and reappeared with her husband, who wrapped Adora in the kind of tight hug only Bow could give.

“Where’s Catra?” he asked, looking at Glimmer. She nodded to the bedroom. Catra was now scratching Finn’s ears while Melog cuddled against their back.

“Hovering.”

It wasn’t really that surprising that Adora and Catra would be overbearing parents. Their own childhoods still haunted them. Who had taken care of them when they were sick? Who had rubbed their backs when they coughed, checked their temperatures, made sure they stayed hydrated and ate something, even just a ration bar?

Glimmer had a feeling she knew the answer, and it was exactly why they were acting the way they were now. They didn’t want another kid suffering the way they did.

“Okay, but what if they—”

“Adora,” Glimmer cut her off firmly. “Stop imagining worst-case scenarios and just go sit with your kid and wife, okay?”

Not that Glimmer thought hovering was necessarily the right answer, either. But at least Catra would keep her from spiraling into all the ways a cold might kill Finn.

“Right. Okay. Right.”

She threw her arms around her friends before hurrying into the room.

—————————————————— 

Most of the day was a blur for Finn. They remembered people talking, something cold against their forehead, sitting up to drink water. But mostly everything was hot and spinny.

It was dark when they woke for real, feeling a little better. Melog purred against their back, and they smiled, reaching back to pet the alien cat.

“Did Mom tell you to stay with me?”

Melog made an almost amused noise and tilted their head to the other side of the bed. Finn looked, and nearly laughed.

Catra and Adora were both sitting on the floor next to the bed, heads resting on the mattress, fast asleep. It looked really uncomfortable. But it made Finn feel better as they snuggled back down under their covers to sleep. They were sure both women had spent all day worrying and pacing because that was what they always did when they were worried. And Finn was someone they worried about now.

They had someone who worried about them. It made them feel pleasant warm as they fell back to sleep.

* * * * *

could you write something where little finn gets separation anxiety after catra and adora take them in? Thanks!

Adora and Catra were surprisingly busy people. Being the hero of the universe and the person who kept the queen’s life from falling apart were both a lot of work.

(That was how Catra described her job to Finn, anyway, despite Glimmer’s glare and protest that she could keep her life together just fine.)

They always made time for Finn, though. Finn never felt alone or neglected, not like they had when they were living on the streets. No matter how tired their new moms were, they always made a point of spending at least an hour (usually two) with Finn in their room after dinner. They’d let Finn talk about whatever they wanted — what they had learned that day, what hell they’d wrought on the unsuspecting Bright Moon guards, how they were finally learning not to hoard food anymore — until someone fell asleep (usually Adora, on Catra’s shoulder, snoring while she and Finn quietly teased her). Finn felt good. Loved.

“I don’t wanna go to the North. It’s cold.”

“Tell me about it,” Catra muttered, already grimacing at the thought. And they were still in Bright Moon. Glimmer clapped her on the shoulder.

“But you get to help take down the old Horde base! Remember how much you hated that place?”

“Not helping, Sparkles.”

Adora rolled her eyes, ruffling Finn’s hair. “You don’t have to come if you don’t want to, kiddo. There’s plenty of people to stay here and watch you. Or you could go visit Plumeria. I’m sure Perfuma would love to have you.”

Finn momentarily brightened at the thought before their expression fell. “But…”

“We’re coming back,” Catra assured them. “It’ll just be for a few days.”

“And we can call every night!” Adora added. Finn shifted slightly, staring at their feet.

“I guess… that’d be fun.” They hadn’t spent much time in Plumeria. Sometimes they went with Catra while she meditated with Perfuma (Finn had tried once, and had completely failed at it, but Perfuma assured them it was okay), and it was nice there.

Perfuma, of course, was delighted at the prospect of having her adopted nibling stay with her while Catra and Adora were away. She already had an entire room set up for them by the time Glimmer dropped them off (after lots of hugs from both moms and promises to call and they would always be available if Finn wanted to talk).

“Are you hungry?” Perfuma asked brightly. “We were just about to sit down for dinner. Scorpia’s visiting tonight, too!”

Scorpia was great — Perfuma was great, and Finn loved them both a lot. But that didn’t stop them from bouncing anxiously all throughout dinner, checking their tracker pad every five minutes. Adora and Catra had said they would call, they had promised, and Finn knew they took their promises seriously. Adora had explained once that it was a really important word for them, so when they promised something, they meant it. But what if they were distracted? What if they were tired and fell asleep? What if Adora forgot the charger, or—

“Finn?”

They looked up, blinking rapidly, to see Scorpia and Perfuma watching them with shared concern. “You okay, buddy?” Scorpia asked, tilting her head.

“Um… yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. I’m fine.”

The tracker pad went off, and Finn immediately dove for it, trying not to look too anxious as they answered.

“…hate the cold—”

“Oh, shush — hey Finn!” Adora said, beaming when she saw the child. Catra was huddled up next to her, wrapped in a blanket and visibly shivering. “How’s it going?”

“It’s warm,” Finn said, grinning back. Catra stuck her tongue out at them.

They talked for almost three hours, until Glimmer yelled for them to shut up and go to sleep and they were getting up at dawn no matter how little sleep the women got. Catra yelled back that she wouldn’t move until she actually saw Glimmer out of bed.

“I should’ve stayed with you,” she informed Finn wryly. “All those two have done is argue the entire way here.”

“That’s all they ever do.”

Catra made a show of putting a hand to her heart, as if offended. “Scorned by my own child.”

Adora rolled her eyes, shoving Catra back. “Talk to you tomorrow, Finn. Sleep well. Love you.”

“Love you!” Catra added.

“Love you too. Don’t freeze.”

Their smile faded when the screen went dark. 

“Finn?”

They jumped, looking at Perfuma. She and Scorpia had left the child to have their privacy while they talked. She was standing in the door now, watching them with a small smile. “Did you have a good talk with your moms?” They nodded slowly. “Good. Can I show you something?”

“Sure.”

Finn followed Perfuma out of the tent and to the Heart Blossom. They already knew where they were going. “I’ve seen the meditation room—”

“But you’ve never seen it at night,” Perfuma said, leading Finn up the hidden stairs. That was true, Finn supposed. The room was flooded with sunlight during the day, lighting up every corner. Now it was softly lit by moonlight, giving it a comfortable, warm feeling. “You miss your moms, huh?”

“No,” Finn said quickly. “I’m fine.”

Perfuma smiled a bit, going to sit in her usual spot and gesturing for Finn to join her. “Has Catra ever told you why she started meditating?” They shook their head slowly. “She… went through a lot of bad stuff when she was a kid, and she used to get really upset and anxious about it. She had a hard time processing those emotions, though, so I offered to help her. Adora did more than I ever could, but I taught her some slightly healthier coping mechanisms, and she really took to meditating after… a couple years.”

The princess chuckled. Finn tilted their head. It was hard to imagine Catra ever being anxious or scared. She seemed so confident all the time. “Does she still…?”

“Feel that way? Sometimes,” Perfuma said. “Don’t tell her I told you, though. I just want you to know that it’s okay if you’re unhappy right now.”

“Do I have to meditate?”

“No,” Perfuma assured them. “But we can talk about it, if you want to tell me what’s wrong.”

Finn blushed, ears drooping. “It’s dumb.”

“I’m sure it’s not. Do you miss them?”

“I… guess, yeah,” they admitted reluctantly. “What if they don’t come back? Or something happens? Or Aunt Glimmer forgets them?”

Perfuma coughed, clearly trying not to laugh. “I don’t think Glimmer would forget them. But I understand what you mean. It’s scary to be away from them, isn’t it? Even though you know they’re coming home and they’re going to call you every night, it’s still scary.”

“Yeah,” Finn muttered. “Like I said, it’s dumb.”

“Of course it isn’t dumb. They’re your mothers. You miss them. There’s nothing wrong with that.” Finn wasn’t convinced. “Adora and Catra used to have a hard time being away from each other, you know.” Thy looked up in surprise. “After the war and everything. They had to learn that the world wouldn’t end if they didn’t see each other for a few hours. Do you think that’s dumb?”

“No.”

“Then why are your feelings different?” Finn didn’t have an answer. Perfuma gently ruffled their hair. “It’s okay to feel what you feel. You should talk to your moms about it. I bet they’d understand better than you think.”

“Okay,” they said quietly, nodding.

“Did that help at all?”

“A little.” And it did. Especially knowing Adora and Catra had been the same way once. Maybe Finn could talk to them about it.

Perfuma cupped their cheeks and gently kissed their forehead. They smiled a little despite themselves.

“And they’re not your only family,” she assured the child with a smile of her own. “We’re all here for you. I promise.”

* * * * *

ooooo I wanna join the Finn prompt too if it's okay? 🥺🥺 I thought of them (+ glimbow's kids too if u want?) accidentally triggering their moms with throwaway comments abt the FZ or Prime's ship or smtg? like mb gushing that those places look oh so cool in the books bc they're kids and like... one's a wasteland the other's a battleship, I can see them going "why did aunt scorpia even rebuild!!!" or "damn I wish I went there!!!!" without realizing how much those places actually destroyed ppl 😔

Finn thought space was cool.

They weren’t wrong — it was cool. Adora had spent hours on Darla’s deck just staring out the huge windows, watching the stars and planets slowly drift by. Stargazing was her favorite relaxing activity. It was even better when Catra joined her.

Catra… had complicated feelings about space. It wasn’t the stars’ fault that every time she looked at them she heard the faint echo of all beings must suffer to become pure. Maybe someday she could stare at the sky with the same fondness her wife and child felt.

For now, she was content to lie with her face buried in Adora’s chest, listening to her heartbeat and the reverberation of her voice as she talked about the constellations.

That was where she was now, with Finn’s excited voice rambling on about school. Well, it was sort of school. It was the kids spending several hours with George and Lance a couple times a week learning everything they’d ever need to know about history, with guest appearances by princesses with specific knowledge or experience (Entrapta had been allowed to teach exactly one lesson).

“Grandpa Lance and Grandpa George were telling us about the war today.” 

They had insisted on being “Grandpa” to every single child they taught, after a pointed look at their own childless son and daughter-in-law (not for a lack of trying on their part). To be fair, Adora and Catra had gotten a head start, taking Finn in they were nine or ten. Everyone else had to get their kids the hard way. It made for some interesting age differences.

“They said it’s not really history yet because it’s still in the fairly recent past, but since all of our parents were in it, we should probably know about it.” Catra frowned, making a note to find out what exactly was in that curriculum. Finn knew the overtures of the war, but none of the details. Including the things Catra had done. She wanted to keep that way as long as possible. “They said knowing about the space stuff was important but they didn’t know much, so they asked ‘Trapta’s weird friend to help.”

Catra went stiff; the slim fingers in her hair hesitated for a moment before sliding down between her shoulder blades, gently but firmly rubbing her back.

“Hordak?”

“Yeah, him.”

The image of Hordak trying to teach a bunch of kids would have been hilarious if not for the fact that he knew everything.

“What did he tell you?” Adora asked, remaining calm while Catra tried to breathe through the sudden rush of emotions.

“He talked a lot about planets and all the places Horde Prime had been.” Finn’s voice dropped a little. “He was really bad, huh?”

“The worst,” Adora said, finding a knot in Catra’s back and gently trying to sooth it away.

“He talked about Horde Prime’s ship, too. A real spaceship!” Taking deep breaths was starting to get harder. The hand on her back moved to her head, gently scratching her ears. Catra didn’t want Finn to see breaking down — didn’t want them to think it was their fault for bringing it up. Adora had gotten the silent signal. “You guys were actually on it, right? And Uncle Bow and Aunt Glimmer? What was it like?”

Catra’s control was starting to unravel. “You know, kiddo,” Adora said carefully, “it’s kind of hard for us to talk about that. Like how it’s hard for you to talk about living on the streets, you know?”

“Oh.” The word was regretful, rather than the disappointment Catra would have expected. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay! I know it all sounds really cool when someone else tells you about. Like you said, it’s more recent than the things you normally learn about. Sometimes people need more time to heal.”

That last sentence was for Catra as much as Finn. There was a shuffle of feet through grass, and then Finn was on top of Catra, hugging her tight. Adora crushed them both in her arms, smiling.

“Why don’t you go find Uncle Bow and Aunt Glimmer? We could camp out tonight. Set food on fire.”

“You’re supposed to cook the food, not set it on fire,” Finn said with a small giggle.

“I have a natural talent. Go on.”

Adora waited until Finn was well out of ear shot before sitting up, tugging Catra with her. “Okay, breathe.” She rubbed her hand slowly up and down Catra’s spine as she spoke. “Follow me. Just breathe. It’s okay.”

Catra took several shaking, too fast breaths before she managed to fall into rhythm with Adora’s hand. “D-Damn it,” she hissed, pounding her fist into the ground. “Why the fuck are George and Lance letting Hordak teach kids?!”

“I don’t know.” There’d have to be a talk about that. “It doesn’t sound like he got into too many details, though.”

“And he had to bring up the fucking ship. Did Prime just fry all his common sense out of him?”

Adora tucked her wife under her chin, pulling her into a gentle hug. They stayed like that until the anxious purr in Catra’s chest finally faded, until the tremors stopped, until she could open her eyes without seeing a haze of green. Another storm successfully weathered, at least until it returned to haunt Catra’s dreams.

“Am I ever going to be able to talk about it without wanting to throw up?” Catra asked quietly after a moment.

“I don’t know,” Adora said honestly. Catra drew back to look at her.

“How do you do it? You were there too.”

“I hate talking about it. So much. But the only reason I was there was for you. So… having you close by helps.” She smiled weakly. “Guess this means we’re stuck together.”

“Oh, the horror.”

[lideria]

Feel Good. | Yuta

Request: Nope. I just think Yuta would be good at parties and being a good friend, so I just had to channel it somehow.

Author’s Note: A little feel-good piece for everyone out there (especially going through a break up)! Very light hearted. Hope it makes you smile or just.. POSITIVITY I hope you all feel positive reading this! My requests are open by the way, so if you like this please send me some!

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of a break-up, and I think that’s it. English is my second language so there might be errors!

Word Count: 2445 small little piece

Genre: Fluff all around, angst if you squint, nonidol!au, roommate!au, platonicfriends!au

I hope you all enjoy this little piece!

“Woah, you still exist?”

The sarcastic question makes you stop dead on your way to the kitchen, blanket thrown over your shoulders, trailing behind you. Sun shines through the windows of the living room where your roommate Yuta is seated on a couch with a few buttons of his shirt undone with iced coffee in his hand. The rays make their way to the hallway where you are stood looking at him, and his brows scrunch together when he notices the whole look you have going on. “Aren’t you a bit hot since, you know, it feels like hellfire itself came down on this city?”

“I’m going through a break up. I think I have the right to take the comfort of my bed anywhere with me.” You sniffle a bit as the bitter protest makes its way out. He just chuckles back in what you know is annoyance. “The fucker dumped you over a text,” The emphasis on your embarrassment is strong as he swears. “If anything you should be grateful of not having to put up with his shit anymore.”

“Wow, that gives me so much confidence, thank you.” Yuta huffs and places his coffee on the table in front of the couch before standing up and walking towards you. He attempts to pull the blanket off your shoulders and you do not let him, but he throws you a look stern enough that you hold yourself back from fighting when he tugs it off of your back. He gives you the slightest sniff before humming, a bit disapproving of your state, but he does not say a word about it so as not to hurt your already fragile heart. “Go take a shower and get into some fresh, nice clothes— not pajamas. We’ll have fun today.”

“I don’t wanna go anywhere or do anything, Yuta.” Upon that his eyes roll back, but he pushes himself to laugh. “Who said we were going anywhere? And taking a shower is really just out of self respect at this point.” His hands find their place on your shoulders. Yuta turns you back and accompanies you to the bathroom door (more like pushes you until you are stood in front of the bathroom door) and pats them rather firmly in what you guess must be an attempt to give you some energy. It kind of hurts you. “There you go. Don’t take too long or I might really forget I have a roommate.”

Taking a shower definitely feels good, it is the preparations that come after doing so that are difficult. Blowing your hair dry seems to take so much longer when you do not want to do it in the first place, brushing your teeth— although essential— gets boring and torturous immediately. Putting lotion on your body and doing your skincare feels like it takes actually forever. But in the end, your dirty clothes of who knows how many days end up in your laundry basket and the riddance feels quite good.

Walking out of the bathroom and going back to your messy room that you know you should clean at some point makes you realize the lack of oxygen in the space, and you open the windows even though the scorching heat is not much of a help. Then comes picking an outfit, and you get inspired by Yuta at that, because a soft, colorful, somewhat oversized shirt is comfortable yet presentable. Yet, even that cannot save you from having to put on proper shorts or pants and it gives you pain when the realization dawns.

But you instantly feel better when Yuta spots you and puts a big smile on his face. The smile that he has, that makes everybody happy and giddy inside just by seeing. “Look at you, much better.”

“Whatever you say.” But you smile despite yourself, before heading into the kitchen. His steps follow you and stop somewhere around the entrance to the kitchen. The need to question his antic arises when you spot him leaning against the doorway with his arm crossed from the side of your eye. “What are you doing?”

“Just making sure you don’t eat ice cream for breakfast or something like that,” You look at him as to ask what exactly is wrong with that, to which he smiles with his mouth closed. “You have to eat healthy to feel better.”

“You eat instant ramen like every single day!” Looking at him in disbelief, you chuckle breathily and make your way to get some cereal. He speaks up as you get the milk out of the fridge. “Yeah but unlike one of us I move, you get me? I don’t remember the last time you were out of your room.” As a response, and mostly to shut him up, you grab a banana from the holder, holding it up in the air to make your point. “Is it healthy now?”

Yuta chuckles and shakes his head. “It’s not,” A shrug. “But I’m gonna cut you some slack on this one. You’ll need the energy, anyway.”

You stand to look at him because what exactly is he meaning, since in all seriousness you really do not want to bother with doing anything. The burn in your heart is still too fresh to pretend you are really back on track. Although a badly handled relationship you would still consider it a good one even if you would not like to admit it, as the sweet memories that rush to your mind only make you miss it more.

It was young love, after all. The excitement of having a person dedicated to loving you romantically was a special feeling, knowing they would adore you and care about you and would want to make you the happiest person on earth would make just about anyone get head over heels. But since you were young, and seeing as adulthood did not really mean you would stay as the same people you had been when you two first met, dreams and personalities did not really go together after some point. Which you really thought was fine, as you kept putting more work into the relationship and genuinely tried your hardest to keep it alive.

But sometimes young love dies like a fire that burns, and leaves all the damage behind. Which was what happened to you, really. No need to deny it.

“Your cereal’s getting soggy.” Yuta’s voice fills your ears and cuts through your thoughts, which you are grateful for. Somewhere along the line you had both gotten in the living room and sat down and you had not realized it at all. All the better, he is also right about the cereal.

The spoon you had been holding in your hand plays with the sad looking cereal. His eyes are on you, you can tell, because they burn. “Can you not?”

“I will when you stop looking so sad about it,” His voice is a little more heated than how it had been for the past hour or so. “Honestly, the fucker wasn’t even a good kisser let alone a good significant other. Even I probably would have done a better job at it, and that is considering the obvious awkwardness of being roommates.”

“Can you stop calling my ex the fucker and not talk about how much of a better kisser you are? It doesn’t help.” He only mutters something along the lines of sure, whatever and stops talking. You finish your soggy but sweet cereal, and he finishes his watered down coffee in your shared silence. It takes a good half an hour of eating and drinking and mindlessly surfing through TV channels until the silence and Yuta’s signature ‘I’m pissed off’ look starts feeling more unnerving than it already had, so you do what you hope to be a hysterical move. You throw the banana peel at him.

Luckily it works, because he mindlessly shields himself from it and laughs. “Ew, take your sad banana peel off of me, I don’t wanna get infected.”

You only laugh lightly and stand up from where you are sitting to sit beside him. With a smile on your face you jokingly hit his chest, which is covered with a light layer of sweat, so you pretend to be disgusted and wipe your hand off on his shirt. Still, you throw your arms around him at an attempt of cuddling, which he accepts. Your head lands itself on his side just a bit under his chest, and to be all too honest— your back hurts a little because of the way you are slouched.

But it is okay, because somehow he makes you feel better just by being himself. There is something about his weirdness that is captivating.

There has been a couple of instances where you called him out saying he is weird. Of course you had meant it lightheartedly and not like he was some sort of a creep, but in all those instances he had just giggled like he had owned it, and said it was just him.

There was something warm about him that cancelled out all the negativity in and around him. Sometimes he acted childish, sometimes like a proper adult— most times like a seemingly irresponsible young adult who in reality has their shit together. He was really both the life of the party and the person that made sure everyone got home safe, and you really admired that he had both personalities engraved in him while managing to be one of the most upbeat people you have ever met.

He lets you cuddle him for a longer while than the usual, reminding you to hydrate yourself every now and then. The two of you watch a movie because he insists that he cannot not do anything or else he will go insane, which you know he will, so you ask to watch something together with the sweetest smile you can render. Yuta does not like the idea much at first as he insists that it is basically doing nothing but with a bit more finesse, but you promise to do whatever he asks you to do after that, which ends up being what makes him agree.

In all seriousness you expect him to make you do his laundry for him or something.

But he just blasts some music that is not too respectful for your neighbors, and urges you to stand up with his hand. “Come on, let’s dance.”

When you look at him with a gaze that is too meaningless and bored for his liking, he takes your hands in his and pulls you up. “Just jump around if you don’t want to, I swear it will make you feel better.”

He himself starts jumping around the room as if to demonstrate how to do it with a bright smile on his face. His bleached and messy mullet jumps around with him, which is too cute of an image, and after some time he notices that you will not move unless he interjects. So he looks around, spotting his sunglasses sitting on top of the coffee table, and puts them on.

Which alarms you. Because if you have learned anything from partying with Yuta, it is that sunglasses are bad. If he is putting his sunglasses on, the party Yuta is coming out. And if his party self is coming out, there will not be anybody that has the luxury of not dancing. Considering you are the only person in the room, you are surely going to dance until you cannot feel your legs.

He puts his sunglasses on his face, just low enough on his nose to be able to look into your eyes with amusement written all over his face, before pushing them up all the way. Yuta then proceeds to shout the lyrics of the song that is blasting through the speaker of your living room, before starting to jump around again and swiftly capturing your hands in his and dragging you with him to do the same.

“The neighbors will complain!” You shout loud enough for him to hear, to which he only points at his ear as if he is not hearing you, still singing the song— even though you are less than a feet apart and you know for a fact he hears you. So you give up.

The songs change and so do your dances. Jumping around leaves you both breathless after a while, so you resort to much smoother dancing to just have fun. Yuta keeps pulling faces and mocking the way artists sing their songs, which is all too funny as if him dancing was not funny enough already. At one point a much slower song comes on, which makes him stop immediately. He covers his mouth in disbelief that there is such a song on this playlist that seemed to have all songs upbeat, giggling “Uh, this is intimate, that’s awkward.” as he moves to skip the song.

You could do without the information, to be honest. But it still makes you laugh, which is a win on his side.

He cheers for you in the rare instance that you get too in your zone, which pulls you out of those said zones way too fast, but he encourages you to do it more.

Both of you dance around for hours on end until both of you are absolutely spent.

Yuta is not the first one to stop but he definitely does not protest when you pull him down to fall on the couch with you. You both let out content sighs, laughing a bit as your hearts race. He takes his sunglasses off and throws them away somewhere, and turns his face to you. “Feeling better?”

He had managed to make you forget for a while, but his question still makes your heart twinge. Inarguably less than before, however. “Yeah, thanks.”

He shakes his head in return. “Just don’t let people who only pretend to care about you and then throw you away like a used tissue get you feeling all down. Don’t let them use you like a tissue in the first place, actually.”

Yuta’s hand reaches out for yours. He slips his fingers through yours, and moves your hand to place a kiss on its back. “They don’t deserve your help. You’re too precious for that.”

You try to hold yourself back, but you snort at his words. “You’re the worst at analogies.” Then, you pat his shoulder lightly with your hand that is not held in his. “But don’t worry. It works. Just gotta work harder.”

He giggles.

[bugaboosandbees]

Reine Ruse Part 1

Okie Dokie everybody. Here’s the first part of the written out Reine Ruse AU. I’m sorry that it took so long, but I still get really nervous about posting my writing so I ended up putting it off a bit. 

I do want to clarify that the way Marinette views herself at the beginning of this does not reflect the way that I view her. I know that the show forces her to apologize for almost everything even when it’s not her fault, so I’ve tried to reflect that mentality at the start of this by having her have this attitude.

I would also like to say that I’m sorry if this seems rushed or that it could be better. The fact of the matter is that I’m really nervous to post this, so I decided to just get the first part up when I was too sleepy to second guess myself... As a result, this hasn’t been betaed or edited, so I’m sorry for any errors that you might find. 

That’ s enough rambling from me! Without further ado, the first installment of my Reine Ruse AU. Please let me know how I’m doing and if you’d like to see more! 

____________________________________________________________________

Marinette

It had happened again. She’d arrived at school late, in a mad rush. She hadn’t been able to find her sketchbook that morning, but she knew that she’d taken it with her the previous day. She’d been working non-stop for the past three weeks on a new set of designs -- there was going to be another design competition at the collegé, conceptual designs this time rather than physical prototypes and the prize was a coveted junior internship at Agreste Fashions. It was everything she’d ever dreamed of and she’d poured her heart and soul into the designs she was going to submit.

She hadn’t let the book out of her sight for the past few weeks except for the previous day when she’d needed to run across the building to pick up some documents for Miss. Bustier for her class representative duties -- documents that hadn’t even been there. She should have known that something was wrong, but between being Ladybug and the competition she hadn’t slept in two days and she was so tired. Given how things had been since Lila returned to school, it shouldn’t have surprised her to arrive to the sound of her classmates loudly congratulating the transfer student about her victory in the design competition and it really shouldn’t have surprised her to see her design book in Lila’s hands.

After that, her memory blurred. She’d been so angry and distraught and tired, and she had tried to explain, but no one had listened, berating her again for her jealousy and her hatred and she just couldn’t do it anymore. She’d run away, but as she left she saw Chloe Bourgeois, newly returned from a trip to New York with her mother, scoff and glare at Lila, speaking up to draw attention away from Marinette. She hadn’t even gone home -- she’d just shrugged off Tikki’s attempts to console her and transformed into Ladybug, spending the day running across the rooftops and saving kittens from trees and smiling even though her heart was breaking and she wasn’t sure if she’d ever be able to put it back together again.

Before she knew it night had fallen. She didn’t want to go home -- not yet. There would be questions about why she’d run from school and her parents were so busy and she didn’t deserve to trouble them with her problems -- they worked so hard and they deserved a better daughter… She looked up from her musings as she felt the first raindrops of a storm on her face as the clouds broke open. She needed to get inside, the last thing Tikki deserved was to get sick when she already had to deal with a Ladybug that had so many problems.

She took stock of where she was with surprise. The last thing that Marinette Dupain-Cheng would have expected when she woke up that morning was to be standing on the balcony of the girl who’d bullied her for years, wrapped in Tikki’s comfortable magic and shaking, tears still streaming down her face. She didn’t know why her feet had led her to the Grand Paris of all places, but her mind kept stubbornly replaying those few moments when Chloe scoffed and actually questioned Lila.

Besides, she desperately needed to talk to someone. Her parents were so incredibly busy and she didn’t want to trouble them. Chat had been growing increasingly pushy since Frozer and, although she wanted to believe in the best in her partner, she was afraid he’d feel like she owed him something if she went to him for help. Tikki was wonderfully understanding, but she was an immortal god and despite all her years of experience there were some things she just couldn’t understand. Normally she’d talk to Alya, but… No. The fact was that she didn’t really have anyone to talk to or anywhere else to go. Making up her mind, she raised a red and black spotted hand and hesitantly knocked on the glass doors.

_____________________________________________________________________

Chloe

The last thing Chloe Bourgeois would have expected when she woke up that morning was for Ladybug to knock on her balcony door in the middle of the night. Nonetheless, she was nothing if not adaptable, especially for her idol. She adjusted her silk pajama robe and ran for the door to let Ladybug in.

“Ladybug! It’s so good to see you? Is there an akuma? Do you need my help? Did you stop by to say hello to your favorite civili---” Chloe cut herself off. The darkness had prevented her from noticing it, but the light that spilled out of her suite made it abundantly clear -- Ladybug was crying.

“Can I come in?” the heroine’s voice was unusually small.

Wordlessly Chole moved out of the way. Ladybug took short, sad steps past her, pausing listlessly when she reached the middle of the room.

Oh god, what was she supposed to do?! As far as Chloe knew, there was no established protocol for dealing with crying superheroes bursting in on one in one’s pajamas. And that didn’t even touch the fact that Ladybug’s eyes were so much more blue this close and Chloe was in her very short and very thin pajamas. She shook her head. It was apparent that Ladybug needed her, and if Queen Bee couldn’t help, then Chloe Bourgeois would have to do. She hesitantly walked over to Ladybug.

“Do you want to talk about it?” The words were uncharacteristically quiet and soft. Chloe rifled through her memories, desperately trying to remember how Adrien’s mother had consoled her after so many tears in her childhood. It hurt, to think back to then, but if anyone was worth it, Ladybug was. Ladybug believed in her when no one else did and she’d never admit just how good that made her feel inside.

Ladybug turned towards her, tears still leaking out of her large, bluebell eyes. Without warning, she shot forward and wrapped her arms tightly around Chloe, breaking into incoherent sobs. It felt like forever before the spotted heroine stopped shaking like a leaf, tears drying to sniffles. Chloe awkwardly kept rubbing circles onto her back the whole time, hugging Ladybug as best as she could even as her mind whirled at a hundred miles an hour. What in the ever-loving-fuck was happening? Who could have made Ladybug so upset? It was a good thing she didn’t have her miraculous or she’d venom whatever bastard did this to her… Then again, she could probably still claw someone’s eyes out outside of the suit as well… No, Ladybug needed a shoulder to cry on, not a homicidal sometimes-superhero on the warpath.

Chloe took a deep breath in and maneuvered them so that they were sitting down on one of the plush sofas in her suite. She moved to extricate herself from Ladybug and dammit if the way she tried to cling to Chloe with a small whimper didn’t give her feelings.

She awkwardly cleared her throat. “You need to stay hydrated. You’ve been -- I’m going to call for some refreshments. Did you want anything in particular?”

Ladybug wiped her eyes on the back of a spotted glove. “Cookies, if you have them,” she said quietly. “I’ve been out for hours, I need to recharge.”

Chloe nodded, not quite thinking of the magnitude of that statement and picked up the phone at the side of her bed. She didn’t even wait for whoever was on the other end to say hello. “Yes, I need a mug of warm milk and a plate of cookies as quickly as possible. Understood?” She hung up as soon as it was clear that someone had heard her and went back over to Ladybug. “It should be here in a few minutes.”

Ladybug nodded silently.

Chloe sighed and braced herself. Clearly, Ladybug needed someone to talk to and for some unknown reason, she’d come to her of all people, so she was going to have to do her best. This really wasn’t her strong suit. “Alright,” she said briskly, breaking the silence. “As many lovely qualities as I have, I have to admit that I’m wondering why you came here tonight. Clearly, you’re upset. Why not talk to that mangy alley cat about it? Or a friend from the other side of the mask? As much as it pains me to admit, I haven’t been… the best person in the past. It seems like there’s someone out there who could give you a hell of a lot better advice about whatever it is that’s bothering you.”

Chloe didn’t miss the way Ladybug flinched, first when she brought up Chat Noir and then civilian friends. Oh, something was definitely going on and somebody was sooooo going to pay for this.

Ladybug twisted her hands together. “I…. I can’t,” she said. “I… I don’t think I have any friends outside of the suit anymore.”

“What happened?” Chloe questioned, trying to make her voice as quiet and reassuring as possible. It felt like squeezing into a too-small shirt, but it must have worked because Ladybug continued.

“They betrayed me.” Her voice broke. “Rena Rouge, Carapace, I knew them both as civilians… I trusted them with the miraculous because they were my best friends. But they took the word of someone they barely know over me and they hate me.” She paused. “They were all I had. Before this year, I didn’t have any friends at all. They were my very first.” A watery smile broke over her face and vanished. “I tried so hard to be a good friend -- I didn’t want them to leave me alone again. I was just trying to protect them from being deceived and manipulated… Oh god, it hurts. It hurts so much.”

Fat tears rolled down Ladybug’s cheeks and Chloe’s heart about broke in her chest. If there was one thing that she understood so very well… She scooted closer to Ladybug and wrapped the heroine in as tight a hug as she could manage. She could feel as the shoulder of her robe was dampened by Ladybug’s tears.

“I’m ---- I’m so sorry,” she said. “You shouldn’t have had to go through that.” The emotion was getting too thick in her voice too oh god she could not cry right now keep it together Bourgeois. She took a breath and carried on. “From where I’m standing it sounds like you were a much better friend than they deserved and they didn’t return the favor all that well. I’m not --- I don’t have much experience with things like this. I wish that I knew what I could say to make it better, but I don’t. All I can think of are plans to hit them so hard they’ll fly right out of Paris and not bother you again, but you seem like the kind of person who wouldn’t really be okay with that -- I’m rambling, I’m sorry.”

Ladybug choked off a laugh into Chloe’s shoulder and raised her head. “Thank you, Chloe,” She said with a watery and tentative smile as she wiped the tears off of her face.

Just then a knock sounded on the door to the suite. “Miss Bourgeois? Your refreshments have arrived.” Chloe bustled over and opened the door just wide enough to grab the tray before slamming it in the face of whatever poor soul that had delivered it.

She offered the plate of cookies and the steaming mug of milk to Ladybug. “Here.”

Ladybug set the plate next to her on the couch and wrapped shaking fingers around the mug. “Thank you.”

As she sipped the milk, Chloe’s mind went back to something else she’d said earlier. She didn’t quite know how to bring it up in a way that wouldn’t hurt, but if she was right, she needed to talk to Ladybug about it.

“So… you said that things were pretty tense with your civilian friends. Why aren’t you talking to Chat Noir?”

Ladybug froze, looking down at her lap. “It’s probably silly,” she started and stopped. Chloe didn’t speak, only looking at Ladybug until the heroine continued. “He’s always been so flirty and I think that’s just the way he is, so I try to put up with it. It’s just... lately he’s been... different. When we were fighting Frozer he nearly quit because I wouldn’t return his feelings and ever since Oblivio he’s been acting like it’s a given that we’re going to be in a relationship and he’s getting so pushy and I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, but he’s been more and more flirty and handsy and I’m worried that the people of Paris will think that we aren’t taking our jobs seriously. I’m worried that if I’m too upfront about turning him down again that he’ll just disappear and we’ll lose to Hawkmoth because of my stupid feelings. He’s making me feel really, really uncomfortable.” She winced as she said the last part.

Chloe’s blood was about boiling in her veins. Being Adrien’s friend had given her a front-row seat to quite a few cases of stalking and sexual harassment. Chat Noir was a superhero, dammit. If Ladybug should have felt safe with anyone, it should be her partner. 

Chloe softly rested her hands on Ladybug’s cheeks and held her face up so that she could look her in the eyes. “Listen to me. I know that you want to make excuses for him, but I want you to know that what he is doing to you is wrong. It is harassment and emotional manipulation. He’s holding your sense of responsibility to the city hostage to cater to his own ego and desires and that is not right. God, I don’t know how you can go about fixing that, but I want you to know that you shouldn’t have to put up with that shit ever.”

Ladybug’s eyes were blown wide in shock. “But he --”

“Shh. I want you to really think about how he’s been treating you. It sounds like you care about your friends a lot. What would you do if he’d been behaving this way towards Rena?”

Ladybug was still for a long moment and then let loose a watery chuckle and shook her head. “I’d probably kick his ass.” 

Chloe smiled ruefully, “There you go then. Now, you said that you had to recharge. There’s a bathroom just down the hall. Go feed your kwami, I bet she’s worried about you.”

Ladybug nodded and grabbed the plate of cookies, slowly making her way down the hall.

Chloe sagged back into the couch and watched her, rage and sadness at what had happened to Ladybug and quiet awe and relief that she had somehow managed to help, to say the right thing as herself for once. She let her own tears fall and prayed for the first time in years for the strength to be able to continue to help Ladybug and to be somehow able to rescue her heroine as Ladybug had rescued her from herself. 

_____________________________________________________________________

To all those who asked to be tagged in this, here you are. Thank you so much for your interest and support. I hope that it lives up to your expectations! (And I’m sorry if I missed anyone!)

@demydreamer-otaku-and-book-lover  @anastasian-dreamer  @donegonewrong  @twinkletoes-rp 

[koko-pufff]

Strings

Usako could see them for as long as she remembered. Much like thin spider webs who you could only see glistening in the sun, they were invisible most of the time, but if she focused real hard, she could see them, gently tied around one’s pinky finger. 

Bringing it up when she was little would amuse people but as she grew older the reactions became harsher. Some people would laugh at her. Others called her a nutjob. Her father would hiss at her to stop with her childish nonsense and act like an adult. So she stopped bringing it up, even though she could still see them. Now she just observed and stayed quiet. Little children didn’t always have one. But she saw how the baby next door had none one day and then a string appeared on the next. Some old people had theirs appear tattered at the end. The strings’ function was foreign to her until one day she read a novel in which soulmates were connected by “the red string of fate”. It felt like a veil being lifted. She still didn’t know why she had the ability to see them, but at least she knew something more about it now. She knew their purpose and she knew their name.

 “Soulmates” The word rolled off her lips and something stung her heart when she remembered her father’s string blackened and torn. Her mother passed away shortly after her birth. What about her stepmom? Her string was fine... Where was it going to? Is this why she was always so sad? Her soulmate was somewhere out there and she was stuck in an unhappy relationship with a bitter father and his two children from his first marriage. Usako’s heart stung. She felt like running to her step-mother, to shake her by the shoulders and scream for her to leave this grumpy bastard. To go looking for her soulmate. But she knew better than to speak of soulmates and red strings.

 Time passed and she had found out more things about the strings. They couldn’t be cut by force. Tattered strings meant natural passing and black ended ones - untimely death. Most importantly, while she couldn’t see who the strings were connecting on both ends, when in close proximity they would react to one another. The string acted more like a rubber band and less like a string. She found that out when she went to a little noodle shop after school and saw the shop owner and his wife interact. When he brushed her silver hair back, her string would go up as if following his hand’s movement. When their grandchildren ran through the shop’s door, the string on the owner’s hand would dart in the same direction as his wife’s wide-open arms. Usako felt something warm in her gut and it wasn’t the noodles. The more she learned about her strange ability tho, the more her unease grew. Because while she could see strings everywhere around her, she didn’t have one herself. Every day she would check, but it was never there. “Maybe mine is extra difficult to see” - she thought at first, but as days went by, the more her unease grew. Was she born without one? Maybe she didn’t have a soulmate. What stung more? The thought that there wasn’t somebody out there meant for her or that nobody out there would dream of meeting her one day. Because everybody wanted to find their soulmate, right? It would be a lie if she said she didn’t care. Should she stay alone for the rest of her life then? She hated the idea of being like her father and taking somebody’s soulmate away, tho from her observations it wasn’t uncommon to see people who were married for decades, yet their strings remained still. Like calm water. Nothing to excite them, to “bring life” to the stillness.

--

 Usako dragged her feet towards the dining room, still very much asleep. The room was filled with chatter, demons and humans piled around the table in an animated conversation. “Oh! Usako, good morning! Did you sleep well?” Beelzebub’s warm smile always felt like an energy boost, especially in the morning. She gave him a sheepish wave as she greeted back. She considered sitting next to him but on his left side her friend Sen had already taken a seat and on his right - his twin brother Belphie who was dozing off as he was trying to eat his breakfast. Usako sighed before looking for someplace else to sit. ”You look terrible, darling. Did you forget to hydrate properly again?” - Asmodeus chimed as she sat down next to him and she playfully nudged him in the ribs. “I’m just not a morning person, stop teasing!” - she replied.

 It has been months since she became a part of an exchange program between angels, demons and humans. It still felt very much unreal to her. To think she’d find a place where she didn’t feel like the odd one out. She felt happy. She found friends. She fell in love... albeit it being a very one-sided one.

 The girl sighed, deep in thought, as she stirred her scrambled cockatrice eggs around. This was stupid. She had already given up on the idea of ever pursuing love, refusing to be the reason for somebody else’s misery. So why was her heart so restless every time she saw the ginger-haired demon? “Just shove these feelings in the back of your heart like always and you’ll get over it as time passes” - a little voice rang in her head and she sighed again, throwing a glance in Beel’s direction. He was chatting with Sen and both of them looked quite engulfed in their conversation. Usako wasn’t stupid, she had noticed how both of them were like magnets around eachother, although Sen was usually kind of shy and strayed away from Beel’s attention. To see her sitting next to him this morning was unusual for her. It felt like a knot had formed in Usako’s chest and she sunk into her chair, sulking. Her eyes shifted from Beel to the table to Belphegor who was resting on the table and was staring right at her. She almost jumped in her seat. How long has he been looking at her? Did he notice the way she was gazing at his brother? Blood rushed to her cheeks as she quickly averted her attention back to her plate. She peeked at back to Belphie, but he was now just staring at something on his DDD, lazily rearranging the food in his plate with his other hand. Usako calmed down and return to eating her breakfast.

 Everyone was pretty much done eating when Mammon rushed in with a football in his hand. “Oi! Ya ready for your big game, champ?” - he yelled at Beel as he was readying himself to throw the ball. Lucifer yanked him by the collar just as he sent the ball flying, changing its trajectory and directing it straight at Sen who was standing up from her seat, collecting plates from the table. She saw the ball that was headed at her and tried to hide her face with one hand before Beelzebub stretched his hand and grabbed the ball right before it made contact with the black-haired girl. “Mammon, what have we talked about throwing things around the house?!” - Lucifer growled before dragging his younger brother out the door. “Tsk tsk tsk... What an idiot!” - Asmodeus shook his head. “Are you okay?” - Beel studied Sen’s face, his own pale with worry. “I’m fine, thanks to you!” - Sen smiled sweetly in reply. In her seat Usako looked like struck by lightning. She saw it! She definitely saw it! Their hands, the strings pulling. Reacting. They were so close that it was unmistakable.

 She stood up from her seat and ran to the two, grabbing their hands and pulling them close then apart again. There was no mistake about it. She felt her heart flutter like a restless bird in a cage. “Is everything alright?” - Sen asked, slightly startled by the sudden appearance of her friend and her strange behavior. Usako jumped like a hare, realizing how weird she was being. “Ah! I just got really scared and wanted to check... if you were okay” - she said, before excusing herself and leaving the room.

 To pursue somebody who had a soulmate was a thing she’d never do. But she never made a promise that she wouldn’t meddle in their affairs. Determination burned in her as she strolled into the common room where she found Belphegor lazying around, half-asleep. “I need to ask you a favor!” - she leaned on the back of the couch, hovering over him. “Pass” - he muttered, not even giving her so much as a glance. “Please. It’s about Beel!” - she rested on her hands. A few seconds of silence and he turned around to face her, lazily opening one eye. He slowly rose to sit on the couch and she climbed over it to fall down in the space next to the sleepy demon. She fidgeted, trying to gather her courage to speak up. She was already feeling her cheeks reddening again. “...Well?” How did he manage to sound both agitated and bored at the same time?? “R-right. ...Help me hook up Sen and Beel!” Usako bit the nail on her thumb as she watched his reaction. “Hook them up? Really?” - he hummed, pulling his pillow closer. “You sound surprised.” “I am” - Belphie yawned. “I guess I expected you would ask for something else” - he added. “Is this how you see me?” - she frowned. Sure, the two of them barely interacted, but man! This kinda stung. “I’m just saying you could ask me to help you get together with him inst-” “Don’t wanna!” “Hm?” “I. Do. Not. Want. To!” - she accented each word, staring off into the distance, before mumbling something about soulmates.

 Apparently she forgot demons are better at everything, including hearing, because Belphegor chuckled at her statement. “They’re soulmates? How would you know that?” Usako let out a squeaking noise, much like a mouse. There we go. She’ll be made fun of again. “It’s just a feeling!” - she tried to cover up with a lie but the demon’s face became serious the instant she said that. “You’re lying” - he said matter-of-factly which sent her off freaking out again before she slumped on the couch. “Look, even if I told you, you wouldn’t believe me” - she sounded defeated. “Try me.” “You’ll laugh at me.” “Promise I won’t” - he sighed. How annoying. This girl was stranger than he had thought.

 “I can see special red strings.” “Strings” - he repeated after her. “They connect soulmates.” “Soulmates” - Belphegor nodded and Usako rolled her eyes. “Everyone I know has one” - she continued - “I’m the one exception I know of.” “Why do you not have one?” - his eyes bore into her and she fell silent. It was a simple question and she felt no malice in it, but how was she supposed to reply when she didn’t know herself. “Do I have one?” - he asked, changing the subject. “Yes, it’s right here!” - she raised his hand and held it close to his face, leaning in. “When two soulmates are close to each other, the strings react” - she said, bringing her own stringless hand up. “For example, if I had a string myself and we were connected, if I pulled from this close...” “Pulled?” - he questioned. “Like this!” - she closed her hand in a fist and quickly moved it to the left. And his string followed.

[crystalshazbinblog-blog]

(My sister from another mister made this picture for me! I love her!!!) Keep in mind, my oc is still under construction... Name: Spike Wallflower (formerly Rose Karblowski) Sex/gender: cisgendered female Race (when alive): Canadian American Sexuality: Demiromantic Demisexual Height: 4'9 (5'4 when alive) Age: 16 Demon type: plant sinner Date of birth and death: 1977 - 1993 Sins: soliciting drugs, drug dealing, (accidental) murder. ______ Personality: If you are a stranger or not on good terms with her, she can be seen as pretty bitchy; cold, blunt, and straight to the point. If your a friend or at least on good terms.... she's still blunt, but she's more likely to warm up to you. Around those she trusts, she can be pretty silly when she wants to be, if your tall and ok with it, she'll ask to ride your shoulders so she can be tall. But if there is one thing that stays the same no matter what, it's how honest she is. It physically makes her uncomfortable to lie, she'll dodge the question or avoid you if she doesn't want to answer, but she never lies. If her very life depended on her lie though, she'll try to do it but as you can imagine, she's not the best liar. Spike can also be fiercely loyal to those who earn it, she will keep anyone's secrets and if needed, she would try to help them in anyway she could, even if she is a weak sinner. _______ Powers and weaknesses: Spike has retractable spikes all over her body that can reach four feet, seven feet in her ultimate form (still working that form out). But keeping them in is pretty painful for her (it's part of her punishment) and to relieve the pain, she either has to let them out, or smoke marijuana (she prefers the latter). These spikes are also not completely under her control, when surprised, her spikes will all pop out involuntary. Plants in real life can be affected by their environment and the stress caused by it, how this translates for Spike is that if she concentrates, she can deduce someone's or something's danger level, like a gut feeling that she herself will translates into words, but her own paranoia can screw things up for her, i.e avoiding Charlie even if her instincts say she's ok. This can also affect her sleeping in both good and bad ways, when scared and/or stressed in her sleep (having a nightmare, sleeping in a danger zone, etc) she'll wake up with her spikes out, shriveled up and needing water badly, but if she has a pleasant sleep (a good dream, sleeping in a safe zone, etc) she'll wake up without her spikes anywhere, refreshed, and needing a haircut. She's also pretty perceptive when she wants to be. Depending on how much time she spends with you and how tough of a nut you are to crack, she can come up with some deductions in a few days or so. Due to being a plant, Spike has faster regeneration abilities than the average sinner. Depending on the severity of the injury, a torn limb will take 36 hours, while a gash only 10 minutes. However, due to being a plant again, she is more fragile than the average sinner. A bruising grip on a regular sinner could fracture, possibly even brake her arm! _______ Tidbits: Spike loves birds! She would do amateur bird watching behind her school when she was alive. If Spike could have any bird for a pet, she'd have a canary. Spike loves fruity sweets! Specifically citrusy sweets, such as chocolate with orange filling or lemon lollipops! Spike also likes plants, when she was alive, she cared for a daisy, learned how to care for other plants (how ironic that is with her new form), and she planned on opening a flower shop after graduating college. She also loves dresses and skirts! She doesn't wear them though due to not having the money or occasion. Her type of dress is the simple 90's prom dress (think of Carrie's dress from the 70's horror film by the same name). Spike wants redemption because she has her mother and baby brother who are waiting for her in heaven... She'll give you real respect if you deserve it, the respect she would give Alastor is what she calls 'false respect', what'd she give Lucifer would be the 'I respect your title, but not you as a person' respect. And if your disgusting (like Valentino) then you get nothing! Spike will give you nicknames! She gives nicknames to people she doesn't see often enough to remember their names, but can remember whether they had a certain letter in their name (Angel, when he was just a client, was given the name Dusty) or if your close enough to her, than Spike will call you something that would have something to do with your personality. You know how Alastor believes that if someone dosen't smile, their weak? Well Spike thinks the opposite of that. Technically. She understands why people like Alastor or Angel Dust would pull a brave face, but Spike prefers the honest face, showing her emotions through and through. Spike considers herself a coward. She wont engage in turf wars, she wont (physically) fight others, she just wants to get her money, go home, and get high... she will however, stab someone with a spike or two to get away from them. She likes kids, but is scared of having any or holding one (all it takes is just one scare...). Spike loves music, it helps her with many things, tune out hell, expressing her emotions, having fun, remembering times when they were simpler etc. She's open to any type of music, it depends on whether it jams with her. When she was alive, her favorite band was The Dickies. Spike can not stand gore. She can handle blood since she doesn't consider that gory, but when people start ripping each others intestines out and eating each others brains, that's when she needs a barf bag... let's hope she dosen't accidentally eat Alastor's cooking... Spike doesn't like spicy food. Spike doesn't like being cold. When she was alive, if someone asked if she liked the rain, Spike would reply with "getting wet? Not really. But the sound is calming.".... Nowadays, she would dance in the rain if she could. Helps her form stay hydrated. _____ My OC everybody!

[panda-noosh]

Action!{P6}{Lance x YouTuber!Reader}

Words: 5498

   Summary: Being a YouTube guru is hard enough without the added stress of living with Lance McClain, the man who insists on bombarding into every YouTube video you try to film. His viewers love him, and so do you.

   Pairing: Lance McClain x YouTuber!Reader

   Notes: p1 – p2 – p3 – p4  - p5 - p7

   The beeping had become unbearable.

   It was echoing by the first hour. A constant tinge in the back of your head, begging for an attention you didn’t want to give it. But that was how it had been for the past five days – everything was begging for an attention you didn’t want to give it.

   This was different, though. This was Lance’s life. This was no longer you just trying to get him out of your life. This was him leaving for good. This was him leaving everybodies life. This was him, with internal bleeding and a swollen brain and clotted blood vessels.

   This was your best friend of three years, and whether you wanted to or not, the sadness and despair pulling at your chest was giving the situation the attention you so desperately wanted to pull away from.

   Your thumb nail was lodged in between your teeth as you stood over him, the sunlight streaming in through the large windows. You had slept in the waiting room overnight, unable to leave without some confirmation that he would be alright, and even now, as the sun rises over the horizon to signal the start of a new day, you were yet to receive that confirmation.

   The doctors were beating around the bush, giving you a load of ‘maybe’s’ that were about as reliable as a six year old telling you the same thing. Pitied glances your way, some people raising their eyebrows sceptically at Lance’s unconscious body – he was the crazy, drunk guy who had been hit by a car in downtown LA. Most people probably thought he deserved it for being so stupid. A lesson.

   They didn’t know the half of it, and their prying eyes bothered you to no ends.

  And yet you stood your ground, standing over his bedside, inspecting as much as you could. You waited for him to move. You waited for his eyelids to flutter or his breath to hitch or for his head to move – anything to signal that there was still something going on in his brain. Anything to tell you that the possibility of him pulling through were increasing rather than decreasing.

   But nothing had happened. He was still – pale skin, tubes being sliced through his skin to keep him hydrated in his incapable state. Every now and then a nurse would come in, take one of the tubes out of his arm, wait a moment before shaking her head and putting it back in – testing to see if he was breathing on his own.

   He had yet to do such a thing.

   You hadn’t spoken during your time at his bed side. You had seen the movies, how the victims always woke up and recalled exactly what a visitor had told them, replaying the sweet words like they had suddenly grown a photographic memory in their time under. You weren’t as open minded as that. You saw the whole idea of can you hear me a little bit far fetched, thus making you stay silent.

    The door opens for the first time that day, a doctor giving you a warm smile as he waltzes into the room, looking fresh and peachy. You can’t help but scowl, feeling something burst in your stomach. He had most likely had breakfast with his doting family this morning. He could breathe on his own. His life was in tact by the looks of his smile.

    “Good morning, Miss L/N,” the doctor cheers, walking around to Lance’s bedside. “I’m just here to check on the swelling.”

   You grit your teeth but nod in response, placing your thumb nail back in your mouth as you watch him do his job. He places a machine against the side of Lance’s head, a picture immediately flashing up on the screens behind him. It’s all in black and white, and you can’t decipher anything upon it, but judging by the way the doctor purses his lips before detaching the machine from Lance’s head, things weren’t looking so good.

    He tries to leave. Not another word or another look in your direction. He just gets up and heads towards the door, stuffing his hands in his pockets but you can’t take that. You can’t take his silence for an answer any more, and before you can agree with your better judgement, your hand has snapped out and grabbed his wrist, stopping him from walking any further.

    He turns to you, eyebrows raised. “Is everything okay?”

   “You haven’t told me anything,” you seethe. “I don’t even know if he’s going to live or die yet. Is there anything you can tell me about his condition?”

   The doctor purses his lips, giving you a look of pity that you know for a fact he had practised with a long line of pitied girlfriends before in the past.

   “I can only indulge information to his emergency contact list or family,” the doctor informs you. “And you are neither. As far as the hospital is concerned, you’re a visitor.”

   “I’m the only person in LA with him right now!” you bark and your voice is rising before you can stop it.

   “That doesn’t make a difference, Miss L/N. His parents have been informed and have told us they are on their way. If they want to share the information we tell them to you, then that is their decision, but we are not authorised to give you any information before his emergency contacts have been informed of his condition first.”

    You close your eyes, your fingers going slack against the doctors sleeve before falling to your side completely – shrivelled, weak feeling.

   The doctor sighs, placing a firm hand on your shoulder that you immediately shrug off. “Perhaps you should get yourself some breakfast. I don’t think I saw you down in the canteen at all today.”

   “I’m not hungry,” you grumble, turning on your heel and walking back into the hospital room.

   Back towards the beeping. Back towards the echoed sound of nothing but beep beep beep, followed only for a minute by the sound of the door clicking closed.

   Silence ensues once again.

   It was weird. You slumped down in the plush chair next to Lance’s bed, and you realised just how unfamiliar this situation was. Lance and you in the same room in complete silence. Lance and you in the same room with nothing overactive going on, nothing big, nothing extra and loud. It was just silence. A dark, heavy silence that weighs down on your shoulders like a million boulders stacked one on top of the other that you can’t seem to shrug off.

   The weight is a mix of uncertainty, confusion and fear. Fear that Lance won’t make it. Uncertainty about why you’re here in the first place. Confusion as to why you were worried, why you cared so much.

    But the answer was simple and undeniable. Lance could hurt you ten times over and you would still be sat by his side right now, because he was your best friend and he had been close enough to a saviour for you for three years straight.

   Sure, you still felt angry. You had every right to be angry at him. But the anger didn’t overtake the feeling of responsibility you still got whenever he was in need.

   You don’t remember falling asleep. You only remember waking up, your neck jerking upwards at the sound of a door clicking closed, a pain spiralling down your spine due to the position you had fallen asleep in in the first place.

   You rub at your eyes lazily with the balls of your palm, pulling yourself up in the hospital chair. One glance at Lance tells you everything – he hadn’t woken up. He hadn’t even moved, though now he had an oxygen mask placed back over his face.

     You’re too invested in looking at his fragile state to notice the people standing by the door. That was until one of them cough, taking you by immediate surprise.

   Your head snaps around, eyes widening whenever they meet with Francesca and Averall McClain, Lance’s parents.

   You stand up far too quickly for your food-deprived body to handle and end up having to catch yourself on the wall at the side of you. The tipsy-ness doesn’t stop you from stumbling over to the two adults, though, one hand out stretched which the shake with vigour.

    “Mr and Mrs McClain,” you breathe out, half tempted to apologise for being caught sleeping in a time so crucial. “You got here fast.”

   It’s Averall who replies. One glance at Francesca tells you that she is in no right mind to be replying to comments just yet.

   “We heard the news and immediately got on the first express train,” the man explains. “How is he?”

   You stuff your hands in your pockets, turning to look at Lance over your shoulder. “He hasn’t done much and the doctors won’t tell me anything. I’ve kind of just been – keeping him company.”

   Francesca lets out a sob that immediately tugs at your heartstrings. Her dark brown eyes aren’t even taking your presence in – she’s barely even glanced at you. Her eyes are glued on to the boy in the bed, a shaky hand covering her mouth as words fail to come to her. You find yourself thankful for that. You aren’t sure how much longer you’d last upon hearing her shaking voice trying to form words in this moment.

   You duck your head down, nibbling on your bottom lip. “I’ll leave you two to speak to him if you like.”

   Francesca throws herself forward without giving you a direct answer. It’s like something has finally snapped in her – realisation, patience, you aren’t sure. She escapes the confines of her husbands grip and tosses herself towards Lance’s bed, crumbling onto the seat you once occupied as she scrambles for his limp hand.

   Her wrinkled, veiny hands take his and you have to physically hold your breath at the sight. Lance had always been like his mother – big eyes, hopeful features and a bubbly personality. Francesca had always been the one who told her kids to be themselves, and she had taught them that being normal was boring, that being true to yourself was always the way to go.

   It was absolutely soul-crushing to see her now, all hope drained from the eyes which used to mimic Lance’s in the way they held so much happiness and hope for everything to come. Now, it was like somebody had placed a wall in front of her that she could see no way around.

   Her son had a possibility of death right now. She could very well out live one of her children.

   You inhale deeply and turn back to Averall, wiping at your eyes with the sleeves of the jacket a nurse had given you to drape over your dress which you had no chance to change out of from the night before.

    You duck your head down, ready to skid past Averall to escape into the hallway, but his hand reaches out and grabs your wrist before you can do so.

   “Can I talk to you for a second?” he asks.

   You frown but nod in response. The two of you walk out into the barely-crowded hallway and immediately Averall sighs, digging the pads of his thumbs into his eyes.

   “Is everything okay?” you ask.

  Averall shakes his bald head. “I just – I want to thank you for staying here with him. The nurses told us that you didn’t even go home last night. It really comforts us to know he wasn’t alone. Lance always hated being alone.”

   Your chest constricts and you feel dizzy, like you could throw up any moment now. Instead you smile, nodding your head. “It was really nothing, Mr McClain.”

    “Tell me another thing,” Averall continues. “What happened last night? Lance hardly ever gets drunk, and he’s never this careless. Something had to have been wrong.”

   These it was. The question you had been dreading because the answer stirred so much guilt within you that it was difficult to extinguish once ignited. You remember Lance looking down at Shiro’s hand around your waist, the way his eyes lit up in a rage you had never seen him hold before, the way he had stepped out even though you were screaming at him to stay where he was.

   You still remember the sound of the car breaks screeching, the millisecond of Lance’s screams as the pain hits his body, only to be cut off by him falling unconscious against the tarmac. All of it only lasted a couple of seconds, and yet your brain had managed to grab every single second and remember it clear as day.

    You swallow thickly, leaning your shoulder against the window to keep yourself from falling over. “I don’t – I don’t know, Mr McClain. I wasn’t with him. I didn’t even know he was in LA until – until I saw him outside of the museum.”

   The lies are acidic. You are looking directly into the eyes of a grieving father and telling him that you have no idea why his son would act up in the way he did, why his son was going against his strong personality. You knew full well why he had been drinking. Lance had told you outright himself through slurred words and heartbreak.

    You watch as Mr McClain’s face falls and the first few tears make their appearance. He had been trying to stay strong. He had been trying to keep up a tough persona, and it was crumbling right before you. You didn’t know what to do, what to say because you yourself were feeling the same way.

   You shoot a glance through the window of the hospital room. Francesca has her head bowed, her hand still wrapped in her sons own, and you can see her mouth moving as she prays for Lance to just wake up. He’s too young. Not him, God, please.

    “And he can’t breathe on his own? Was the hit really that bad?” Emma asks.

   Her voice sounds muffled through the speakers of the cell phone you have pressed against your ear, the slight wind of LA causing even more disturbance as you stand outside of the ER, fresh air pelting at your sweating skin.

   You hadn’t realised just how good the feeling of sunshine could be after a long day of being trapped behind closed curtains.

    “I don’t know,” you reply. “I really don’t know. I’m just worried he’s not gonna wake up, or he’s gonna go from unconscious to being in a full on coma.”

   You hear Emma sigh. “I know you’re worried about him, babes, but you need to get home eventually. You’re still wearing your heels, for Christs sake. Your feet must be non existent at this point.”

   “You’d be surprised just how long I’ve been sitting down.”

   “That’s not the point. It’s not your job to stay at his bedside, okay? His parents are there now, so he won’t be on his own.”

   “I wanna be there when he wakes up.”

   “Why, though?” Emma sounds almost whiney now, and you can imagine her throwing her head back and groaning at how easily you had fallen back into routine. “I don’t mean to sound morbid, but you do remember what he did, right?”

   “I’m not going to hold that against him now,” you grunt. “He’s on a bloody breathing tube, unconscious and it’s all my fault.”

   Emma is silent for a second. You hear her breathing become shallower, her intaking a sharp breath as if you had just punched her square in the face for no absolute reason.

   And then, “Y/N, don’t you dare start this. Lance stepped out in front of that car on his own accord – you couldn’t have stopped it.”

   “The only reason he was crossing the road was because he saw Shiro and I,” you reply. “I just wanna wait until he wakes up so I can clear things up.”

   “You think he’ll be in any state to talk about your relationship straight after he’s woken up from being knocked unconscious?”

   You purse your lips. “We’ll see. Look, I’ll talk to you soon. Get yourselves back up home. Don’t wait for me.”

   “We’ve already told you this, Y/N. We’re not leaving LA without you in tow. We can book an extra few days if need be.”

   You can’t help but softly smile to yourself, looking down at the floor as you scrape your foot against the warm concrete. “You guys are the best.”

   “Yeah, tell us that with cash whenever you get back. We’ll see you soon, yeah?”

   “Yeah.”

   You hang up. The phone feels warm in your hand. Everything feels warm. The dress you are wearing is sticking to you uncomfortably. Your head swims with hunger and your stomach growls, but you know for a fact that there is no way you’d be able to keep food down if you decided to finally eat. Your stomach was in knots, a swirling mess of emotions that you were struggling to process.

   You had left Francesca and Averall to speak to the doctors on their own, have some time alone with their son. You didn’t want to leave. You felt an odd attachment to the room you had been cooped up in whilst waiting for their arrival, though you had to admit that the fresh air was a nice change and it certainly woke you up a little bit.

   Not to say you felt fresh in any way. You still felt the piercing pain in your gut – guilt, sadness, confusion at your own emotions. It was all still there and you weren’t entirely sure when it would go away.

   You sigh and stuff the phone into the pockets of your jacket, opting for leaning against the wall of the hospital for just a minute longer. You wanted to be okay for just a minute longer.

    The entire sixty seconds doesn’t span out before the hospital doors are sliding open and Averall has popped his head around, spotting you immediately. You give him a tired and warm smile – anything to make him feel at ease. You know it can’t be easy having to tend to your dying sons medical needs.

   “You okay to come back in?” he asks. “Francesca and I have a few things to go over with the doctor, and Fran doesn’t feel comfortable leaving him on his own. Lance-”

   “Never liked being on his own,” you finish for him, pushing yourself off the wall with a nod. “Of course I’ll sit with him.”

   He still looked sick. He still hadn’t moved. You still couldn’t quite believe it.

   You were holding his hand for some reason. You don’t entirely remember the moment you decided to pick his hand up off of his chest and intertwine your fingers with his, but it had happened and you weren’t pulling away. Even after his parents had left the room to go and tend to things elsewhere, you still kept your fingers wrapped around his, held it close to your lips, looked down at him in half-awe and half-horror.

   Because he was still sick, and he certainly didn’t look to be improving. His skin had gotten paler overnight, veins protruding from his wrist from the amount of needles that had been stuck in his skin, unknown to him. You knew that if we woke up – when he woke up – he would be absolutely mortified to find out he had been pricked and stabbed with needles whilst he was asleep.

   He would probably scream. He certainly wouldn’t be calm about it, and you could imagine him now, making a big deal out of it, waving his arms around his head and asking you repeatedly how you had let them do that to him.

   It would all be in good fun, but you would still roll your eyes at him and tell him to be quiet, and then he’d call you old and you two would bicker.

   You would do anything to hear him call you old right now.

    Nobody ever understood just how much the two of you balanced each other out. You would scold him for being too loud and he would tell you to go to hell and you two would argue as you walked down the road, but it kept you grounded. It helped you deal with things better, situations that you used to lose your mind at.

    Like right now. Sitting at his bedside, clutching his hand whilst his parents got what was most likely the worst news of their lives. Perhaps Lance would be brain dead when he woke up. Maybe the doctors had failed to get the swelling under control and his brain was permanently damaged from the impact. Or maybe his health was deteriorating and they could find no way to bring it back.

   Maybe they were telling them that they should say their goodbyes because there was no hope left. The impact had been too much. He had shattered too many bones, made too big of a mess of himself for them to do anything with him.

   Were you going to have to say goodbye to him?

   The thought has you standing up, nervous energy spiking through your body at one hundred miles an hour and you just need to punch something. Because you’re so confused. You’re so utterly, completely confused and guilty and mad because Lance of all people didn’t deserve this.

   He had done something bad to you, something you knew you couldn’t forgive him for, but that could all be sorted out when he was healthy. He should be healthy. He should be okay. You two should be dealing with your drama right now – just like you should have done from the very beginning. Maybe you could have heard him out, understood his side of the story.

   Now you weren’t even positive you were going to get the chance to hear him out. You had read the interview, but words on paper didn’t always mean what they sounded like. Their could have been something behind them that Lance was tried to explain to you last night in his drunken state but you just hadn’t let him.

   The thought aches. It nips at your chest and makes tears cloud your vision which you quickly swat away, groaning into the quiet room to find some release from the menacing thoughts of self-hatred and the memories of the car that spiral through your mind in this moment.

   Maybe if you had led him out of the museum yourself, you could have ensured he got himself home safely. Maybe if you hadn’t left him to fend for himself when he was in a state of clear incompetence, you could have stopped this from happening.

   You bite down on your lip, groan past clenched teeth as your hands trail through your messy hair, gripping at the roots. A few days ago you were so ready to drop him. So ready to let him leave your life without a goodbye to send him on his way, and now you were losing yourself in his hospital room because there was a risk that he would no longer be by your side.

   You could be as angry as you wanted to be, as angry as you needed to be, but at the end of the day, this was Lance you were talking about. You would never be able to sit back and watch him struggle without feeling compelled to help him.

    “Please don’t do this,” you whisper into thin air, not even facing his bed but the words are directed at him. “Please don’t leave. Not yet, Lance. You said you’d be with us forever. We used to talk about growing old together, being the two idiots in the care home. Let’s make that happen, yeah? We can only make that happen if you wake up.”

   You turn to look at his bed finally. He hasn’t shifted. His eyes haven’t opened. His body hasn’t moved. He just lays there, immobile and still and completely frozen in his daze of pain. You grit your teeth, tears flooding your vision all over again.

   You grab the pillow from the seat you had once been sitting on, throw it back to the floor with a yell of anger emerging from your lips.

   “Lance, come on!” you exclaim. “I know you. You aren’t a bitch! Remember? You used to say that to me all the time whenever I got upset because I hurt myself. You used to say man up, Y/N. You’re not a bitch. Take your own advice this time, okay? Just this once. Please. The world needs a Lance McClain. Heaven can wait. We need you here with us, now-”

   Your words fall short whenever Lance’s neck jerks.

   The movement is far from swift. It isn’t like how it is in the movies, where their fingers barely move and suddenly it’s like the light of God himself is shining down on the main character. This movement was choppy, almost painful looking as his neck slams back against the pillows. It looks like he’s trying to swat a fly away from his head without the use of his hands.

   You narrow your eyes, mouth running dry. “Lance?”

   His chest heaves upwards out of nowhere, rising up from the white quilts which confine him. You jump back at the sudden movement – the sudden movements, because that’s not all. All of a sudden, his entire body is jerking left right and centre beneath the quilts, small grunts escaping his mouth, spit dripping down the corners of his lips.

   The machines wail around you, clearly thinking that he’s woken up and is trying to pull the needles from his arm.

   “Nurse!” you scream, throwing yourself towards the door only to be thrown backwards as the nurses and doctors scramble inside, immediately grabbing his shoulders and holding him to the mattress. He doesn’t stop jerking as they grab at him, his body jostling from side to side.

   You had never seen anything so heartbreaking, and you have to look down at the floor to stop yourself from getting dizzy.

  Francesca and Averall bombard into the room, Averall immediately having to hold Francesca back. The nurses are yelling, telling you and Averall to get her screaming form out of the room whilst they calmed the situation down and got Lance back, but not even Averall seemed adamant to listen. He was holding his wife back, but his eyes were glued onto the fitting body of his son and his feet weren’t moving.  

    You wanted to pull them out of the room. This was no sight for a parent to see. But you can’t even move yourself. You stand behind the door, gripping the door frame tightly, your feet unmoving and your heartbeat speeding up.

   “You scared me.”

   Lance’s usual reaction would be a scoff and a soft shove of your shoulder. He knew you never meant it. Lance could never scare you – not when he was conscious.

   But he had scared you and he didn’t even know about it. He wasn’t even awake to see it, and maybe that was for the best. You had no doubt in your mind that he would feel bad about it if he was awake. It was best kept private.

   Nonetheless, those three words were the beginning of it all as the moon rose up, coating the halls of the hospital in a thin sheen of darkness that hid the tear stains on your cheeks from the onlookers walking past. The most they could see of you right now was your bowed head and your hands which were tangled in Lance’s, not wanting to let go, not wanting to leave.

   You were talking to him as a last resort. The seizure had been induced by the swelling in his brain, and the doctors said it wasn’t a good sign. You wanted to at least give this a try.

   “I don’t know if you can hear me right now, but you scared me. It’s okay. I forgive you. I know you didn’t mean it, because you’re a big softie, really. You’re about as scary as a Kumamon plushie.” You smile lightly, tracing circles on his knuckles. “I meant what I said before – before the seizure happened. I know you probably don’t remember, but it was something along the lines of don’t die. And I’m sure I called you a bitch somewhere in there as well. I’d love it if you proved me wrong. Proved to me that you weren’t a bitch by waking up.

   “Your parents are here, too. I’ve been keeping them company and they’ve been keeping me sane, I guess. Your dad made sure I ate this morning because I was on the verge of a melt down.” You chuckle lightheartedly. “It’s good to know he hasn’t forgotten about me. He loves you a lot. He was talking about how you used to hang up Christmas lights when you were younger, and you were always the kid who got tangled up in the lights and ended up looking like a big, Latino Christmas tree at the end of it. You never told me about that. I wanna hear the full story whenever you wake up.

    “The doctors also said you were going to be going under observation whenever you wake up, so I want you to be ready for that. Maybe they’ll quiz you. You’re good at quizzes, aren’t you? Especially the ones about the celebrities. We found a bunch of those in a magazine one night, remember? And you actually won for the first time. I don’t think I ever congratulated you on that. I just huffed and walked off, but you know I was proud of you, right? I’ve always been proud of you. I’m proud of you right now. You’ve made it very far and I know you can make it even further.”

   You swallow the golf ball sized lump in your throat, looking down at your intertwined hands. His fingers were still limp around yours, but you refused to let go. It was a nice reassurance for you to feel his presence at the side of you, feel his skin on yours.

    You felt stupid speaking to him. You highly doubted he could hear you in the first place, but it was nice to speak. It was nice to speak and feel like your words were making a difference, even if they weren’t. It would give you something to look back on whenever you got out of here.

    The door to the hospital room opens again and in walks Averall and Francesca. Francesca looked a little shaken up, eyes big and her hands shaking around the paper coffee cup she was holding in her hand. Her brown hair was sticking up around her head at all angles, her smile missing from her features and replaced with a grim look of worry.

   You offer her your own smile, though it’s nothing special. It falls just as soon as it makes it’s appearance, you too tired to put in much effort right now.

   “We got you a coffee for the road,” Averall informs you in a hushed voice. “We can take it from here. Thank you for everything you did today.”

   You nod gently and go to reach for the coffee he is holding out to you. You shift your arm, ready to get up to grab for it, but you stop whenever you feel a slight tingle on the tips of your fingers – something trying to grab for you, but being too weak to do so properly.

   You whirl around midway from standing up from the chair, eyes darting down to look at Lance’s hand. His fingers are twitching, trying to grapple for your fingers before you can pull away.

   Immediately you fall back into the seat, grabbing his hand in yours, assuring him that you’re still there and that you don’t plan on leaving if he doesn’t want you to.

   “Lance?” you whisper. Francesca and Averall look on with baited breath, eyes wide and hopeful. “Lance, are you okay? Are you waking up?”    It takes a second. A second of excruciating silence, breath held and hands becoming clammy, heart beat racing.

   And then a groan as Lance tilts his head back, fumbling around as if he was trying to get comfortable.

   He speaks so quietly you can barely hear him, but you catch onto what he’s saying at the last minute.

   “I’m not a bitch.”

[andthest0ryg0es]

Do You Really Want Me - Chapter 29

Quick note of apology: THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE! As soon as I promised I’d post the chapter the next day, I woke up and my computer had crashed! Thankfully I had backups of most things but I am truly sorry for the delay it caused in this chapter! Thanks for sticking with us!

“Iz, come on. Your bath is ready,” Jared tells her, helping her out of her clothes.

“I’m sorry,” Izzy cries, wrapping her arms around his neck. “I pushed you away. It’s what I do. Kate is my best friend,” Izzy continues. “She was there when every bad thing in my life happened. When my...when my mom…my my...” Izzy sobs harder, fisting his shirt, refusing to let go as he tries to help her into the tub. Jared tries to hold his own sobs in from seeing her so broken, wanting to just be here for Izzy. He tries to loosen her grip and urges her to sit, but he cries harder, holding him as if she’s afraid to let go.

Jared grabs her hands and pulls her away. “We don’t have to talk about that. I know it’s hard for you,” he assures her, pulling his phone from his pocket and tossing it onto the counter and toeing off his shoes. He steps into the tub and pulls her down with him. “Lie back,” he orders her, wrapping his arms lovingly around her shoulders, pulling her against his chest. He grabs the cloth and soaks her body with the warm water, runs his hands up to her face and down her arms soothing her cries, humming an unknown tune. “What are we having?” he asks, breaking their silence when he’s sure her cries have subsided.

“I don’t know,” Izzy tells him quietly. Jared’s phone buzzes from the counter. He instinctively moves to answer the phone and Izzy tenses. “Please don’t go. Please, stay.”

Jared wraps his arms around her, caressing her face with his thumb. “I’m here. I promise you.” Izzy closes her eyes and sighs. Jared leans his head forward and presses his lips to hers, kissing her with reserve. He pulls away seconds later and she smiles up at him, making him grin. “Do you remember the day we went hiking?”

“You mean when you tricked me into climbing with you?” Izzy corrects him, shaking her head.

“No. I meant the day I ‘accidently’ ran into you on that trail,” her eyes shine and her face blushes. Izzy lifts her hand and touches his face. “You were so beautiful. I loved watching you explore that day. I forgot everything I wanted to say every time I looked at you.”

“I remember,” Izzy tells him, repositioning her body so she can be face to face with him. “Wait...you got in here with all your clothes on?” Izzy says, confused.

“I did. You wouldn’t let go. I needed to take care of you... All I want is to take care of you, Iz. You never let me.”

“I know,” Izzy tells him, biting her lip and tightening her grip around his neck. “Everybody I’ve loved, except for Kate, has in some way left. When I met you I knew you were trouble. You flirted so hard. Don’t think I wasn’t affected; I was, but hating you was so much easier. Kate kept nagging me about going out with you. I fought her tooth and nail because I knew I’d fall. That first fucking night you did everything right despite my denial. I’ve looked for any fault, any excuse to put blame on you. It’s easier to let someone go when they’re always letting you down. It’s what I’ve always done. It’s how my ex fiance ended up cheating on me. He wasn’t a bad guy. I just...pushed him too hard. He gave up on me. I’ve put you through so much hell. I’m so sorry,” Izzy cries.

“I’m sorry I fucked up so bad. I’m not giving up on us,” Jared assures Izzy. “You’re my world. You have been since that day after the hike when I walked into the bathroom and you were masturbating in my shower.”

“What?!” Izzy squeals, her face turning a bright shade of red. “You…”

“I knew I had to have you,” Jared teases her, grabbing her wrist and kissing her passionately when she tries to slap him.

“You...I...okay fine. That was your fault. You had that ripped t-shirt on and then you took it off and I just kept telling myself not to touch you. I was in agonizing pain by the time we got to your house,” Izzy giggles, confessing to him. “I can’t believe you saw that. What other secrets are you keeping from me?”

“Nothing! I SWEAR,” Jared smiles innocently. “Okay, wait, the water is getting cold and I really want to get out of this tub. Bath’s aren’t comfortable when you’re fully dressed.”

“I’ll get you a towel,” Izzy tells him, kissing him softly before climbing out of the tub. Jared keeps his hands on her body until she’s out of his reach. He watches her toe across the floor grabbing the towel on the counter and wrapping it around her slender body as she looks down at his phone on the counter. “Kate called you.”

“I’ll talk to her later,” he assures Izzy, pushing his soaked clothes off and leaving them in the tub, smiling when she wraps the towel around him, leaving her arms around his hips. “I’m supposed to take care of you.”

Izzy kisses his chest and smiles up at him. “I know. How about we take care of each other from now on.” Jared wraps his arms so tightly around Izzy that she winces, pretending to be in pain.

“Ohhhh, sorry,” Jared loosens his grip and scoops her up into his arms, carrying her to her bedroom. “Sit,” he orders, rummaging around in her dresser and coming back with clothes. “Lift your arms,” he tells her as he prepares to put his old t-shirt over her head. She listens, fighting back her smile when he kneels in front of her. “Now your feet,” he orders again. “Good girl,” He says when she’s dressed. He tosses the towel in the hamper and steps into a pair of his sweats she’d stolen from his place when he was working and she missed him. “Come on,” he insists, pulling her into the bed and tucking her in. “Can I get you anything? Are you hungry? Have you eaten? Thirsty?”

“No, thank you. I’m good,” Izzy tells him quietly, caressing his arm. “Stay with me. Please don’t go.”

“I’m here,” Jared assures her, settling in next to her and pulling her against his chest. “I missed you and I’m so sorry, Iz. I promise I’ll spend the rest of my life proving to you that I’ll never leave again. Please say you’ll marry me.” Izzy nuzzles closer against him and sighs. “Is that a yes?”

“Can we just start with today?” she asks, refusing to move from the comfort of his embrace.

“I’d marry you today if that’s what you wanted,” he tells her.

“Jared, we’re not getting married as an overcorrection to a huge, dramatic fight,” she insists, rolling her eyes at him. “We can just be us, here, now, okay?”

Jared tightens his grip around her tiny body, satisfied with her being there again and kisses the top of her head.  “Babe, I just need to grab my phone and take care of a few things. Are you sure you’re not thirsty. I read that you should drink a lot of water. Hydration is key,” Jared says matter-of-factly, changing the subject of marriage altogether as he leans over to pull his phone off the nightstand.

“You read that?” Izzy asks, surprised that he’d been reading about pregnancy.

“Yeah, I picked up this book called ‘Pregnancy for Dummies’ in the airport,” he tells her honestly.

Izzy laughs loudly and sits up in the bed wrapping her arms around his neck. “You did? What else did it say?” she questions, unsure if he’s telling her the truth or not.

“Caffeine is a big no no. NO more coffee for you. I’ve already warned Shannon,” Jared tells her, playfully bopping his finger on her nose.

“I...J, I can’t not have my coffee,” she starts, quickly tensing. Feeling controlled is not something Izzy has ever been comfortable with. “Jared, I…”

“Baby, I’m kidding,” he assures her. “Don’t get mad at me. I would like for you to cut back just a little though, please.”

“I can do that,” Izzy tells him, laying back on the pillow and closing her eyes.

Jared leans over and kisses her forehead, “Rest. I’ll be right downstairs if you need me.” Izzy nods her understanding and curls up, falling asleep before Jared is out of the room.

Jared works with Emma to clear his calendar for the remainder of the week. They move several appointments, interviews and a Gucci commercial shoot, wanting to focus on making things right with Izzy. He orders chinese takeout knowing it’s one of Izzy’s favorite things in the world and calls to speak to Kate while he waits.

“Hey, look I’m sorry,” Kate says frantically when she answers the phone. “Is she okay? Are yall okay? Did she say no?”

“Ummm…” Jared says stunned by Kate’s response. “Where is my sister-in-law?” Jared teases her.

“Jared, not now, tell me she’s okay,” Kate demands.

“She’s fine. She’s sleeping. She had a bath and we talked a bit and she’s sleeping,” Jared assures her.

“And you? I mean, are y’all…”

“We’ll be okay. No wedding bells I think but I’m still not going anywhere. We’re going to try working together instead of fighting for control,” Jared tells Kate. “Look, I’m sorry for what I said earlier. I never want you to feel like you can’t be there for her. She needs you. I just…”

“I know,” Kate cuts Jared off before he can complete his sentence. “I know. I’m sorry. It’s always been my job. She’s not as strong as she wants you to think she is. I’m the only one that’s seen that side of her.”

“I know, Kate. I know. I can do this if you let me,” Jared pleads.

“Okay,” Kate sighs. “I need to see her. I need to know she’s okay.”

“She’s sleeping. I think she needs to rest. She hasn’t let herself do that in weeks. I promise to have her call you when she wakes up,” Jared says sternly.

“Fine,” Kate grumbles, hanging up and looking for Shannon’s approval, which she gets instantly in the form of a kiss to her forehead.

“Who was that?” Izzy mumbles, yawning, shuffling into the living room and plopping onto the couch next to Jared. He opens his arms for her to snuggle against him.

“That was Kate. I promised her you’d call her when you woke up,” he whispers, kissing her cheek. “How’d you sleep?”

“Great,” Izzy yawns again, laying across Jared’s lap. She pulls the throw from the back of the couch over her legs. She pushes her shirt up just over her belly button, resting her hand across her stomach. “Kate’s talking to you at least so that’s a good sign.”

“Well, we both love the same things so...we are obligated to make up,” Jared assures her, reluctantly placing his hand next to hers on her stomach, his eyes fixed firmly on her toned tummy.

Izzy smiles and looks up at him. “Don’t be scared.”

“I’m not. It doesn’t look any different,” he tells her fanning his hand out across her stomach.

“No, not yet,” Izzy tells him placing her hand on his. “It will in time. He has to grow.”

“He?” Jared says his voice teetering between proud and confused. “I thought you didn’t know the sex yet?”

“I don’t know. I just feel it. I can’t really explain it. I just keep remembering that my mom used to say all the time that she knew I was a girl the moment she found out she was pregnant and it was the same with my brot…” Izzy stopped mid sentence, her eyes filling with tears, but she fought through, embarassed that she hadn’t spoken about him in such a long time. “My brother died when Kate and I were thirteen. He was older than us. Kate always had a crush on him. Shannon reminds me so much of him sometimes.”

“You never told me,” Jared says, running one hand through her hair while holding her stomach protectively in his other.

“No. I haven’t let myself even think about him in so long, until now. I try so hard to just forget their existence ever was but now I’m having this baby and I want him…” Izzy rolls her eyes and laughs just a little. “...or her to know who they were and how much love they gave me. I haven’t forgotten that. I just hope they’re proud.”

“I love that idea,” Jared tells her, sliding his hand from her stomach to her side and pulling her into a hug. “You are going to be wonderful, Iz. I’m sure they’re very proud already.” Jared raises his eyebrow and smiles when the doorbell rings. “I ordered you some chinese takeout. I know it’s your favorite.”

“You can’t let that in here,” Izzy tells him covering her mouth and rushing up the stairs.

“Iz...wait...what’s...fuck.” Jared frantically opens the door and tosses a hundred at the delivery driver. “I’m sorry. Keep the change, eat the food. Good night.” He takes the stairs two at a time and finds her hunched over the bathroom toilet. “I thought it was your favorite.”

“It is,” Izzy mumbles, flushing the toilet and taking Jared’s hand when she’s ready to stand. “...but the baby hates it.”

“I’m sorry,” Jared tells her, regret and grief in his voice.

“It’s okay. You didn’t know,” Izzy assured him. “Can we get pizza?” Jared stands there as Izzy walks away. “Oh, wait...I want a giant burger...why the fuck do I want a burger?” Izzy rambles, turning when she realizes Jared isn’t with her. “What’s wrong?” “I would have known if I was here for you,” he tells her.

Izzy rolls her eyes and laughs it off, skipping back to retrieve him. “It doesn’t matter. It’s just food. There’s a lot you don’t know. You’ll just have to learn,” she tells him, leading him from the bathroom. “Tell me what else you’ve read in that book of yours.”

“I don’t know. It’s a blur. I just don’t want to let you down,” he says taking the lead down the stairs.

Izzy jumps on his back as soon as he reaches the bottom, wrapping her arms around him from behind and kissing his cheek. “You won’t,” Izzy assures him, squeezing her body tighter around his as he carries her through the house.

“I don’t want to miss anything,” he confesses, holding her legs as he walks into the kitchen. He catches a glimpse of them in the mirror at the end of the hall and stops. “What is wrong with us?”

“We’re adorable,” Izzy tells him, kicking her heel into his thigh and ordering him into the kitchen. “Wait...stop. Go down that hall. I wanna show you something.” Jared follows her order without question, letting her jump off his back and lead him to the end. She flicks the light on and wraps both her arms around his tightly. Jared’s standing face to face with a cluster of photos. Izzy as a girl, catches his eye. “That’s my family. I never come in this hall,” she tells him, hiding her face in his shoulder.

“Look at you,” Jared teases, pulling his arm from her grip and wrapping it around her. “It’s okay to remember them Iz. Your mother was beautiful.”

“Yeah, I forgot just how pretty she was,” Izzy tells him honestly, wiping a tear as it falls down her cheek.

“Who’s that? Is that your brother?” Jared asks, trying to keep her focus.

“Yeah, that’s Michael,” she smiles and laughs, remembering the photo. “It had rained and he wanted to sneak outside to play in the mud. I knew mom would be mad but he manipulated me into joining him but I got scared and went inside to tattle. We got into so much trouble that day. I thought Michael would never forgive me. He was so mad. He died a month later.”

“What happened?” Jared asks, pulling her tighter and kissing her temple.

“I don’t want to talk about that,” Izzy tells him quietly, avoiding making eye contact.

“It’s okay. Thank you for sharing this with me,” Jared tells her, wrapping her in his arms. “How about that pizza?”

“With pineapple and extra sauce, please,” Izzy reminds him of her favorite toppings.

Jared forces Izzy to stay on the couch for the remainder of the day, catering to her every need and want, even her craving for homemade brownies and ice cream with caramel drizzle. He reminds her several times to call Kate so that she wouldn’t worry but Izzy insists she wants to focus on them and she’ll call her in the morning. She falls asleep on the couch while he cleans up his mess. It is well after ten when Kate finally gives in to her need and calls Izzy again. Jared hesitates but answers her phone with a hushed tone. “Hello.”

“Did you tell Izzy to call me?” Kate asks sharply.

“Yes, of course I did. I’ve told her several times, she just hasn’t felt up to it. I think she’s just exhausted. I promise she’ll call you in the morning,” Jared assures the impatient and worried girl on the other end of the phone.

“How is she?”

“Sleeping again. We had pizza and I nearly burned the house down making her brownies. I left them in the oven while I ran to get ice cream…” Jared starts.

“Did you make caramel too?” Kate asks.

“Ummmm, yeah. Has this been a craving or something?”

“No. Her mom used to make that every weekend for us,” Kate whispers into the phone. “I think she’s really missing her right now.”

“That explains the tears when I sat it in front of her,” Jared sighs. “I thought it was wrong. I don’t know how to fix that, Kate.”

“You can’t, but I think Constance being around could help,” Kate tells him. “When she wakes up please tell her I love her.”

“I will. Kate, what happened to her mother and her brother?” Kate is silent on the other end of the phone, shocked that Izzy actually spoke of them. “Kate, she told me about Michael but when I asked her what happened the conversation ended abruptly.”

“I...Jared I...I haven’t heard his name in so long. I’m sorry but I can’t. She...is she...how was she? I just...I can’t believe she told you about him,” Kate stammers, practically speechless.

“She was on my back we were sharing a moment of pure contentment and she made me stop and go down the hall where the photos of her family are hidden. She showed them to me. Then she just stopped,” Jared told her.

“Just leave it alone. Jared, promise me you’ll leave it alone. Promise me you won’t push her on this,” Kate begs.

Izzy stirs on the couch, frantically calling out to Jared. “Fuck, I gotta go,” he says, disconnecting immediately and running to a trembling Izzy on the couch. “What’s wrong, Iz?”

“You didn’t leave,” Izzy says, trying to catch her breath. “Where’s Kate?”

“I didn’t leave. I was cleaning up the mess I made in your kitchen,” he assures Izzy, sitting and pulling her legs over his. “Kate’s home with Shannon. She just called to check on you again. Come here,” Jared demands, pulling her into his lap and rubbing soothing circles on her back, humming and rocking her in his arms. “You okay?”

“You left and I couldn’t find Kate,” Izzy cries, frantically touching his shoulders and chest. “I lost you both.”

“Iz, it was just a dream. That’s never going to happen,” he assures her, grabbing her wrists and forcing her to look at him while she cries. “Iz, calm down, please. I’m so sorry I hurt you this way. I never meant to.” Izzy forces Jared to let her hands loose, wrapping them tightly around his neck. She moves so that her legs are on either side of his hips, wrapping her entire body around his, holding on for dear life, sobbing in his arms. “Iz, I’m here. I’m not leaving. You don’t have to worry.”

Jared tightens his grip around her and stands, carrying her up the stairs and into bed. She refuses to loosen her grip, begging him to stay when he tries to tuck her in. “I’m here. I’ll be here when you wake up, every day,” Jared tries to calm her, settling in next to her. The rest of the night plays out pretty much the same. Izzy waking from nightmares, frantically reaching for him, desperate for reassurance.

In the morning Jared calls Shannon. “I really appreciate your help with getting Kate to let me work this out with Izzy but if those two don’t talk to each other soon my head may explode,” Jared tells his brother, exasperated. “Dinner tonight? My place?”

“Dear god, yes! Kate is driving me nuts,” Shannon whispers into the phone. “I think she’s rearranged the whole house like three times trying to keep herself busy. We’ll be there. How are things going?”

“I don’t know. Good? Except she’s always crying and she’s having nightmares and I still can’t seem to do anything right, even get her food, and Kate is so much better at this than me. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong,” Jared confides in his brother.

“You’re there. That’s the only thing you have to get right, bro,” Shannon assures him. “See you tonight.”

Jared tells Izzy about their dinner plans when she wakes up. At first she seems excited but then her face falls and Jared can tell she’s holding back tears again. “Iz, what’s wrong?” he asks, using all his energy not to sound as exasperated as he truly is.

“I’m trying really hard, Jared. I want you here. I just miss her, and now I feel guilty about it because I’m supposed to let you take care of me and…” she says more but Jared can’t understand through the blubbering cries.

“Baby, I never asked you to not see Kate. Of course you miss her. You two need each other like oxygen. Frankly I could use the help. I don’t feel like I’m doing the best job of taking care of you right now. What is it they say? ‘It takes a village?’” Jared hands Izzy the phone. “Call her, please? And we’ll head over to my place early so you two can catch up while Shannon and I make dinner.”

“Thank you,” Izzy says as her tears dry up, taking the phone from Jared and dialing Kate’s number. As soon as Kate answers Izzy starts in on her. “Im managing without you. It’s so fucking hard though. I miss you.” They talk on the phone for over an hour, as if they haven’t seen each other in years instead of less than 48 hours. Izzy is sure to tell Kate every detail of every moment with Jared, assuring her repeatedly that they’re going to be okay. Jared uses the time to take care of a magazine interview he’d had scheduled and unable to get out of, insisting that he could only conduct the interview via telephone due to a family emergency. He completes the interview and disconnects just as Izzy comes downstairs. She practically throws herself into his arms on the couch, giggling. “I love you, Leto,” Izzy tells him, letting herself get lost in his eyes, twirling that one curl on the side of his neck from where his hair is growing out, between her fingers.

“Better now?” Jared teases, cupping her face in his hands and pressing his forehead to hers. Izzy nods although she doesn’t have to say a word. The smile radiating across her face tells him all he needs to know. He presses his lips to hers gently, moving his hands down her back when she deepens their kiss. Izzy is the first to make a move, placing her hand under his shirt, running her nails across his abdomen, kissing him wildly. “We should go,” Jared tells her breathlessly, grabbing her wrists and pulling them from his skin. “Traffic is going to be bad.” He steps away to grab his keys and holds the door open for her.

Tag List: : @msroxyblog @bradlea23 @babiiface16 @nikkitasevoli @maliciousalishious @snewsome756 @missechelon @iridescxntsolitude @meghan12151977  @jletos-guinness-girl @flowhi @bluegirl4life @blondiefrommars @ddg90 @iridescxntsolitude @cleoleto @elwin-smaragd

If you’d like added or removed from the list please let me know!

Thank you @jletolove4eva for putting up with me.

[gaiacostella]

Best Ideas For Staying Healthy And Fit - Find Out These Timeless Secrets For Weight Loss

Can you spend time considering your need to live a healthier lifestyle and derail everything by doing something unhealthy like reaching for a milkshake? Have you ever found yourself groaning about getting in shape while panting your way up the stairs only to reach for another cigarette?

Read To The End Of This Guide To Discover the Classic Keys For Healthy Weight Loss

It does not have to be an onerous task to embrace a lifestyle that promotes health and fitness. In actuality, it is not all that hard. You'd be amazed by how easy it truly is to stay healthy and get fit. When you know the appropriate measures to take it is much easier to be healthy. You can see for yourself how easy it is when you put these methods to work for you.

Did you know that at one stage bathing was considered something which was not healthy to do? Perfume came about partially because people wanted to pay their B.O. smells. Of course it was only later we found that taking a bath is really beneficial to the human body. There's such a thing as too much of a great thing, however, and should you bathe too much you'll strip your skin of cells and oils that it has to stay healthy. To be as healthy as possible, you should attempt to wash at least once every day. Be sure to use a fantastic soap and also to clean your entire body. If you're taking a shower, just know that you're using more water than you would if you taking a bath, but any style of bathing will work for you. Just choose your favorite and do it each day.

You must always try to refrain from using high fructose corn syrup. Some companies call it corn sugar, so watch out for this also. High fructose corn syrup is added to food as a substitute for sugar. The issue comes when you have too much of the ingredient, because it's bad for your health, and so many foods have it as one of the most important ingredients. When you eat an excessive amount of high fructose corn syrup, you can do quite a few bad things to your body, and that is why you will need to keep from eating it.

Set down time for comfort. You don't need to go to sleep in this time although it may not be a bad outcome. Be certain you take some time every day to unwind and de-stress. For some people it is time spent watching television. It may mean going for a walk by yourself (a excellent way to get some exercise). Failing to spend a while getting rid of stress can mean enormous problems for your general health.

It is possible to continue being a fit and healthy individual in various different ways. Consuming a healthy diet, preventing poor foods and getting exercise on a regular basis will do this well for you.

Staying healthy isn't all that difficult. The truth is that there's a very slight amount of work involved if you need to live more healthily. Provided that you make healthy decisions, you get the exercise you need and you do it on a regular basis, you will do just fine. The simple fact of the matter is that a healthy lifestyle can actually turn you into a happier individual.

When these tips and techniques can allow you to keep fit and healthy, you'll need a proven and effective blueprint that will assist you shed weight without starving yourself. Check out GAIA COSTELLA for more information regarding how to become healthier living.

Teaching Kids How to Live a Healthy Lifestyle

It should come as no surprise that there's a direct correlation between the hours of television watched and a child's body fat. With childhood obesity hitting a frightening all-time large, it is more important than ever to teach our children how to combine appropriate exercise with a healthy diet. By knowing how to integrate the best exercises in a secure fashion, fun and healthy habits can be instilled to the younger generation and hopefully last a lifetime. Do this now so that you can avoid having to ship your little butterball to a weight loss camp or fitness boot camp in the future. Additionally, by adopting a healthier lifestyle , you may serve and a positive role model for your whole family.

It's well known that aerobic exercise is what's required to burn fat. This can be accomplished when breathing is increased and the heart rate is raised for over twenty minutes. It's after this time once the body starts to tap into its fat reserves and use it as fuel. Examples of aerobic exercise that's fun for the entire family include swimming, jogging, biking, rollerblading, basketball, tennis and walking, just to mention a few. In contrast, anaerobic exercise occurs in shorter bursts of exerting energy with intermittent rest periods. While anaerobic exercise doesn't burn fat, it's responsible for building muscle. This is important to understand because the more muscle mass a person has, the more calories, and for that reason fat, they have the ability to burn. A few examples of anaerobic exercises include lifting weights, push-ups, stomach crunches and pull-ups.

During aerobic exercise, the excess oxygen you breathe helps to burn off the fat away and increases your metabolism so your body burns more calories throughout the day even if you're not exercising right now. It's strongly recommended that everyone get at least half an hour of aerobic exercise a minimum of 3 days weekly. While younger children are typically more active and have no difficulty meeting this goal, engaging in aerobic activities as a family will improve everyone's overall health. Even though it's great to be motivated and work hard, it's not beneficial to overdo it. A standard guideline to track the intensity is that you should be able to talk during the activity.

In regards to safety, it's prudent to speak with your doctor before starting a new exercise program to ensure that your family is not in danger of getting injured. Regardless of what physical activities you choose to do, be certain that you become familiar with the proper safety equipment such as protective eyewear, helmets, mouth guards, and cushioning. Additionally, it's a fantastic idea to learn to how correctly stretch when the muscles have warmed up a little. And, forget about the old saying,"no pain, no gain," because when it hurts, your body is telling you that something is wrong and you need to stop immediately before you become seriously hurt.

It's indisputable that exercise is good for developing children and it is ideal to encourage a healthy lifestyle when possible. It is most effective to discover activities that they enjoy and that keep them moving.

The Road To A Healthy Lifestyle Starts With A Nutrition Plan

Nobody way of eating will work for everybody, but there's a schedule of general principles and suggestions, not rigid rules. This strategy has the flexibility available to match with every individual needs, recognizing that no two people are alike and no two individuals have exactly the identical food preferences.

It's been demonstrated that extreme, sudden shifts are hard to maintain because they force people to repress their food cravings and imbedded eating habits. The more customs are repressed, the more powerful they become, resulting in internal stress that builds until people fall off the wagon and the diet fails. It's with this idea in mind that we realize that fundamental changes make it possible for people to create a bigger shift without much pain or effort.

Just by following some basic steps will cause significant changes. Most diet books advise that you completely change your existing means of eating and follow their strict rules. A better strategy would be to begin with the things that you want to do and leave the toughest ones for later. As you begin doing the simpler ones, your body's energy will kick in and you'll pick up momentum. Eventually, you'll discover yourself doing the hardest things with greater ease because you aren't starting from ground zero. Let us outline a few steps that will get you on the path to a successful nutrition program.

Hydrate, Hydrate, Hydrate!

We're always reminded to drink more water. Since the body is 75% water, this makes sense that water should be continuously replenished. You might say that water is imperative to our survival.

A lot of us are perplexed by how much water we should be drinking; we're constantly told to drink more. So, just how much is more? What is the right amount for your body? Much depends on your size. Additionally, it depends upon your level of physical activity, the climate where you live and your diet.

Another consideration is the type of water you will need to consume. Bottled water has become among the most popular drinks in our nation. We have a tendency to drink water flown in from overseas countries, believing that this water has to be better than our own. It's been proven that tap water is truly better than bottled water typically. Since most tap water contains chlorine, fluoride, and at times lead it is advised that it be filtered.

Finally, timing is important in water intake. After waking up in the morning, it is a fantastic idea to drink a couple of glasses of water instantly to moisturize the entire body. Because we don't want to awake in the middle of the night to go to the toilet, it is strongly recommended that a great deal of water shouldn't be consumed just prior to bedtime.

Remember to check at your entire day's intake when determining how much water you require. Certain foods are more water-dense than others. By way of instance, cooked grains are two parts water, 1 part grain. Vegetables have high water content. Steaming or boiling vegetables, rather than baking or frying them, further increases their content.

Most men and women spend a whole lot of their time in a state of dehydration. This leads to suffering from reduced energy, cravings and other symptoms. Luckily, they could feel a lot better by drinking more water!

Cook ; Eat Less

Spending more time learning how to cook and plan simple meals can allow you to get all the nutrients you need in addition to discharge you from dependence on restaurant food, fast food and other processed foods. You may eat differently when you're feeding yourself than when you're out and about. All of us know restaurant food is usually very salty and highly flavored, since it's designed to be a taste sensation. The portions are typically quite big, more than sufficient for the average person. By getting and preparing you have food, you eat according to you body's actual requirements and you're less likely to overeat or eat extra salt and flavoring.

Cooking tasty, satisfying meals in a short time period is a skill worth learning. It's simple enough, but you have to be ready to spend some time and practice. For many people the job of cooking seems overpowering. They're at first confused about the way to plan this job around a busy schedule. As soon as you have learned, however, you'll be making meals in less time than ordering out.

Start With Growing Whole Grains

Whole grains are a fundamental part of the human diet since the dawn of civilization, when we stopped hunting and gathering and we settled into agrarian communities. Until recently, people living in those communities had lean, powerful bodies. For generations, hardly any people eating grain-based diets were obese.

People these days are gaining weight because they eat too much chemicalized, artificial junk food, and eat too much sugar, caffeine, alcohol and smoking. If we were to begin eating more cooked whole grains and vegetables daily rather than processed junk food, we wouldn't be getting fat. Whole grains are a few of the best sources of nutritional aid, including high levels of dietary fiber and B vitamins. Since the body absorbs them gradually, grains deliver long-lasting energy.

Whole grains can help with one of our simplest health issues, an inability to keep a steady level of blood glucose. Whole grains release sugar into the bloodstream slowly, compared to the sudden rush and energy wreck caused by refined sugar foods and sodas.

Vegetables, How Sweet You're!

Virtually all people, at any time, crave sweets. Rather than depending on sugar, you can add more naturally sweet taste to you daily diet and radically reduce sweet cravings. Additionally, there are several other veggies, though not candies themselves provide the very same benefits. They sooth the inner organs of the body and energize the brain. Because lots of these veggies are root vegetables, they are energetically grounding, helping to balance out the spacey feeling you will experience after eating different sweets.

Another way to incorporate sweet vegetables in your daily diet includes eating raw carrots, baking sweet potato chips roasting squash, making soup with onions and corn or boiling beets to place on top of your salad.

[jwnchstr]

What if you go hunting without knowing you’re pregnant with Dean’s child?

CHARACTERS: Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Collins!Reader, [mentioned] Jo, Ellen, Bobby.

PAIRINGS: Dean x Reader

WORD COUNT: 1,726 (based on Wattpad)

SUMMARY: What if you go hunting without knowing you’re pregnant with Dean’s child?

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I hate writing (y/n) so I name you.

Cannibals. This time, you and the brothers are hunting cannibals. You think vampires are nasty enough to eat humans’ blood, but cannibals are lot more worst. They eat every inch of your limb including your heart and eyes and intestines like a cow. But being a hunter, you’re not afraid of them because it is easier to kill those bad people who are already bad. It takes only a shot.

But without tricks, is not your hunting game. One of the cannibals you’re hunting had tricked you, of course, when you thought you killed him. In turns out, you missed him. And when you are running away from the location to meet up with Sam and your boyfriend Dean, the cannibal man gets in your way.

“Dammit!” you curse under your breath. You can feel your heart exploding inside your chest when you add up with the shock when that man appears in front of you. You almost knocked yourself onto him, who had a knife in his hand.

“Hello, sweetheart.“ He smiles at you. You don’t know if it was because of the human flesh he has been eating, but his teeth are yellow and rusty like zinc. In the moonlight you see how filthy he looks. Again, you didn’t know if eating human flesh makes him like that.

You back away slowly as he approaches you like a predator hunting its prey. A knife is tight in his grip and you hate that smirk that appears on his face. At some time here, you wish you weren’t the one hunting him.

“Got nowhere to go, do you?” He chuckles enthusiastically looking at your panic face. “How about you come here and let me butcher you down? I’m hungry.”

You grimace at his sentence. You cannot imagine how someone could kill innocence, cut down every limb and get rid of every hair and skin to eat. Even if you hunt down every thing that causes disturbances to the world, but you never chop someone’s hands off and cook it for dinner.

With the thought, you gag. You can even smell the rotten flesh when they toast you and grill you in the oven; or cook you in the pan. The smell of blood makes you throw back everything you ate.

“Wait, wait, wait,” you try to stall the time. “Look, look, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to kill you back there. I was nervous. I didn’t know it was you, really. I thought it was-”

“Really?” He tilts his head to the right, as if reading you in such angle when the truth is, he is imagining the point of your neck to be cut down. “Why do I feel that you’re lying?”

“It’s because I am!”

As soon as that, you pick up a thick stick -- thick enough to fight with his knife -- with your leg. You have practiced this so many times before and each of them failed, but tonight, you succeed, but do not have the time to celebrate. When you pick the trunk up, you quickly swing it in front of you. Somehow, you are too slow that he manages to dodge his head.

The cannibal man turns angry seeing how you had fooled him. When you are taking your time with the trunk, he sprints towards you, swinging his knife but you dodge it pretty fast and punch his face. He falls backwards as he groans, pinching his nose that starts to bleed. Seeing the chance of killing him, you lift up the trunk to throw it onto the cannibal man’s face, but much to your disappointment, his reflexes are too quick. Or is it because you are too slow?

He kicks your stomach hard. Is it because of him eating human’s flesh that he gets their energy or you’re just too weak or it really hurts? You don’t have time to process which one is the answer when you feel another punch that causes you to fall on the ground, curling.

“Please,” you beg, like seriously beg. You don’t know why you feel so damn tired tonight when usually it’s not hard for you to kill one person. With a punch or a kick, you’d knock someone’s out. “Please, don’t kill me.”

The cannibal man laughs sarcastically. “But I’m hungry darling,” he says. “I promise you it won’t hurt. The next time you wake up, you don’t even know you’re dead.”

You whine and cry silently, clutching your stomach wishing that someone is already coming to rescue you. Even though the man hasn’t cut you open yet, but you already feel like it. You also feel like someone is washing your bones with ice. You cannot describe how awful it feels, but the pain makes you go sweaty and cold at the same time. You are shaking from top to bottom and your vision goes blur.

“Please, don’t kill me,” you hear yourself whisper to the man when you still feel his rough hands on your skin. But just when you see him raising his knife, someone else is already there to help you. With one shot, the man dies.

“Collins? Collins, hey, hey, stay with me.” You feel lightheaded when the man above your eyes taps your cheek to wake you up. It’s Dean, your boyfriend. Through your blur vision, you see how worry he looks and how panic he is.

The pang on your stomach strikes you again when you are about to call him. You choke and cry, curling on the ground as you shut your eyes like it helps you to reduce the pain.

Your boyfriend has a very deep frown as he stares you down without knowing what is happening to you. He tries to ask you what happened, but with you keep on curling and choking and crying, it did not help him. He watches you from up to down, looking for any injuries the previous man got you. Looking for any fractured bones because he doesn’t want to hurt you he picks you up. However, there’s no injury he sees, but the darkness on your jeans near your private part.

“No.”

Dean was shaky. He does not know what that blood on your jeans near your private part means, but he kind of knew. You might not tell him that you’re late for your period because it happens to you many times that you never take it seriously, but Dean personally keeps track on you. And when this is happening, Dean might not be able to forgive himself if...

Dean quickly scoops you up, running towards his car calling for Sam over the loud bangs of Sam’s shotgun. The hunt may not be finished, but they have to leave. You are sick. They cannot wait another minute to kill the cannibals. The hunt can continue next time.

Seeing his brother carrying you, Sam knows something not right is happening. And without a second thought, Sam follows.

The first thing that you hear as soon as you get your senses back is the beeping sound coming from the heart monitor. Instantly, you know where you are at. As you slowly open your eyes, you see that familiar white walls of the hospital, the heart monitor on your left and an IV. You lift your hand to wipe your eyes, but hiss when you forget that they hydrate you using the left hand.

You look around, seeing Sam and Dean talking while they are standing at the door. They are facing each other, but seeing you getting up, Sam jerks his head towards you, a cue to his brother that you woke up and he leaves.

“Collins, hey.” Dean smiles. “You wake up.” Dean rushes towards you. His hand quickly found yours as the other played with your hair.

“What happened?” You straight away ask, knowing that this is not an unfamiliar place to you and you haven’t lost your memory yet, only energy.

“Nothing. You just- fainted.”

Even though you are curious because Dean’s face says it all, but you are too weak to question more. So you just nod your head and ignore the lingering questions around your head and let Dean kisses your knuckles. You close your eyes a moment because that warms your heart.

“Collins,” Dean calls you softly. You hum as reply, and turn to him. “Did you know that you’re pregnant?”

You frown as you look at him. “I am not- Oh!” You stop yourself when you remember what happened to you during the hunt. Feeling so drained that you never felt before, not even on your period. Feeling of puking most of the times. Normal smelly things making you gag and puke. And the hurt at the bottom of your stomach when the man kicked you.

Your eyes turn big like a ping pong ball and your mouth form an ‘o’ as you stare at Dean. Your free hand spontaneously reach your stomach. But instead of feeling happy, you feel sorrow.

“Oh my God, Dean,” you start. You eyes water as you look at Dean who is giving you a look of confusion. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know that I- that I-”

Dean chuckles. “Hey, hey, calm down.” Dean wipes your tears with his thumb. “Our bean is safe.” He smiles.

You stop crying immediately, blinking at him and sniffling. “Sorry?”

“Our baby is safe,” Dean repeats, “don’t need to be sad about it, but you need to take care of yourself, okay?”

“Are you serious?”

“Why would I not?” Dean gives you an assuring smile. “We just talked to the doctor. Yes, you and him barely survived, but you both miraculously did. So, promise me you’d take care of yourself.”

You wipe your tears as you nod your head. “Okay.” You feel a smile play on your lips, happy to hear the news. Even though you did know that you’re pregnant, but knowing that you lose one still hurt you, especially when both you and Dean planned about this.

“No more hunting for you,” Dean says, though soft, but he sounds stern.

You raise your eyebrows at this. “At least, allow me to go to work.? I’d get bored at home.”

“We’ll see,” Dean answers; you pull your face. “Because based on our experience, when you’re on your period and such, you can barely move.”

“Fine.” You pout, in which it’s like giving Dean an excuse to kiss you.

“I love you,” he says. “I’ll go get Sam and the rest.”

“And the rest?”

“Bobby, Ellen, Jo. Everybody’s excited to hear the news, baby.”

You can’t help, but to laugh. “Okay.”

[oblivionandsonder-blog]

How to make you comfortable and focused while studying

I thought I would put out there a few of my study tips that help me when I need to do basically anything for school. And honestly they are not the most original tips but I guess maybe someone stumbles upon this and it will help them.

1) PUT AWAY YOUR PHONE This is normally one of the first steps that always helps me when I’m at home doing my work. Put your phone somewhere out of your reach. Whether it’s on the other end of the room or in a totally different room. It just prevents you from checking it constantly and getting distracted. It would also be ideal if you set it on flightmode or at least silent, so you don’t hear when you get text messages and so on.

2) FIND THE PERFECT WORKSPACE (cozy it up!) And no, by cozying it up I don’t mean to lay in your bed while studying! Finding a perfect workspace isn’t the easiest thing and you will definitely need to try different options out. Maybe you have a local library where you can go, a nice cozy coffee shop or in the summer maybe you can even sit outside in a park. Having a good studyspace at home is also important. Because sometimes you need to have a late night study session or you don’t live directly in a bigger city where you need to take the last bus at 6 pm to even get home. I personally love my desk area at home which encourages me to spend more time at it. And this is where the cozy aspect comes in: everybody has different styles and everybody feels comfortable in different environments, so you should create and decorate your workspace at home so it looks inviting to you! • Put moodboards up, • hang fairy lights, • plants are always a nice addition, • pictures of you and your family and friends, • motivational quotes, • maybe you like it very clean and minimalistic, • maybe you like to have little nick nacks that make you feel at home

The whole point is: YOU DO YOU! Whatever makes you comfortable and feel positive will also reflect on your work.

3) STAY ORGANIZED Even though you might be the person who likes to keep a bit of clutter on their desk staying organized is very important. Even when its an organized chaos. You need to know where all of your supplies are that you need. They should be easily accessable and easy to find. Midway through a study session you don’t want to stop for half an hour just because you can’t find your calculator and need to search it. Or you also don’t want to waste study time in a café or library just because you couldn’t find the right textbook you wanted to bring and then you missed your bus and you couldn’t even go there. Sucks, right? If your study space at home is pretty unorganized right now, take a saturday or sunday (whenever you are free and have enough time) to declutter. Empty your shelfs, your backpack, etc. and organize it from scratch. 

Not only your workspace should be organized but you should definitely buy a planner/agenda, whatever helps to keep you on track with everything you need to get done. Bullet Journaling is a great way of doing so. Check this video out if you want to know more about it!

4) THE RIGHT LIGHT Having a separate light on your desk is important in my eyes. First of all having the entire lights in your room on is costing a lot of money and secondly your lights may be hung at an angle where your shadow when you sit at your desk will go over your notes if you know what I mean. So having a desklamp helps definitely. And I would suggest you choose more warm lighting and not these fluorescent lamps with very clinical white light because those start to hurt your eyes very quickly and don’t have a very inviting, cozy aspect to them. Fairly lights are always a plus in my opinion. And a desk lamp doesn’t need to be expensive or have a whole lot of settings. I simply have one from IKEA for 15€ with just an on/off button and it works perfectly fine.

5) HYDRATION (or just a drink you enjoy) Hydration is always an important factor not just when you are studying so keep a waterbottle in your reach and where you can see it. This way you won’t forget about it. Additionally I also think keeping a drink for enjoyment is benefitial. A coffee, a tea, a chai latte, hot cocoa, a smoothie, whatever. I find that having something to sip on while I need to think very hard about something or am in a bit of a crisis regarding something helps my mind flow again and makes me feel more positive.

6) BACKGROUND NOISE I know some people will disagree (than this tip just isn’t for you) and some will agree. Background noise helps me focus on work SO MUCH. Most of the time it is music but sometimes I even just turn my TV on, turning the volume on a low setting and have a show like The Big Bang Theory rolling (something I already know and isn’t like Game of Thrones or smth similarly distracting and suspense-packed).

But when it is music related I almost only listen to instrumental music. Lyrics often distract I find personally. Spotify provides some great concentration and instrumental playlists but I also especially love putting on music from a film or series. (these linked ones are just some of my favorites) I wouldn’t turn the volume the loudest it can be because thats distracting as well. It should be a chill and relaxing vibe for you so you can focus on your work. Especially if you are in a public setting like the library and listen to it with headphones on. In, for example, a coffee shop on the other hand I personally don’t need to listen to music because the noise of the coffee machine, the people coming in and out is also a nice background noise.

7) FINISH WHAT YOU STARTED I know that especially homework tasks or for example essays feel like they are never going to be finished. But if you stop midway through and start something else it will take even longer for you to finish them. You worked your way into a certain topic or matter, which often can take up a lot of time, so finish the product and then focus on a new task. If you set it aside in the middle of it and start something else you will always have at the back of your mind “shit, I still need to finish that” and you won’t be able to focus completely on the new task. Which means both of them are rather going to be mediocre than both of them being really great. So save some time, focus on one topic at the time and finish before you start a new one.

What I find to be helpful as well, is to start with the topic or task you despise the most. You don’t like math? Start with math. Get it done and out of the way. A weight will be lifted of your shoulders immediately because you won’t need to worry about it anymore. And afterwards you will finish the easy and more enjoyable tasks faster and more efficently.

8) TAKE BREAKS Taking breaks inbetween studying is important so your brain has a moment to breathe and isn’t working for a few hours non-stop. I would suggest to take breaks after every task you got done. Maybe 5 to 10 minutes. Eat something, an apple, a bowl of cereal, a granola bar, whatever you like and isn’t to time consuming like cooking up stir fry or idk. Don’t get distracted by being sucked into social media. It is okay to check for an important e-mail or text message but don’t get caught up! You should take these breaks to relax and not just to switch from your laptop screen to your phone screen. 

There are also different methods of taking breaks, etc. E.g. the Pomodoro-Method suggests to work for 25 minutes and then take a 5 minute break. Depending on how long your tasks take I would suggest this method as well. Just so you don’t work for an hour on an essay, then only for 15 minutes on history, then again an hour on something else. Calculate your workload a bit beforehand and then decide on how you want to take your breaks.

9) REWARD YOURSELF This kinda connects to the point before. If you finished something, especially work that you found to be difficult or you have often problems with, you should give yourself a pat on the back. Tell yourself that you are proud and happy that you pushed through that. It will provide you a feeling of success and positivity which is really important to keep your mind healthy. This does not only apply to studying but to all aspects in your life that you may struggle with. Rewarding yourself, giving yourself a pat on the back for something will stay at the back of your mind and when you get into a similar situation you are going to remember “oh yea last time it wasn’t actually that bad and I can do it again”.

[drink-n-watch]

  Remember when I was all excited about the fact that it was starting to get warm here? Well that’s all over now! It is hot and I mean humid and sticky and just plain old tough to breathe summertime in Montreal hooooot. I do have air conditioning. I’m not sure why I whine all the time. It’s just a thing we Canadians do. We complain about the weather. It’s our claim to fame. How are things in your neck in the woods, Crow?

  Also hot. Also sticky. Glad I recently got the air conditioning repaired. It’d be a real bummer without it. Wait. Why am I bold? I shouldn’t be bold! I stick out too much!

Oh, there will be spoilers.

And so here we are. Can you believe it’s been 4 months already? And we are now finally at the last episode of My Next Life as a Villainess: All Routes Lead to Doom! Now for me this was a show that started out real strong but lost its footing somewhere at the halfway mark. However, before we get into all that, let’s just quickly resume what the episode was about. Actually no wait before we even resume what the episode was about, Crow, is there anything you want to get out up front?

19,800 meetings seems excessive. Glad we didn’t have to sit through all of them! I’m talking about Catarina’s internal Council of the Wise-ish. They made an appearance in this episode! But seeing them again made me realize how much I missed them. Glad we got to see that 19,800th meeting.

You know what’s always a great sign? When the series decides to, at the very last episode, bring in a whole new side plot with dramatic history to develop. I’m not really sure why we had to bother with the whole Sirius side. Actually, it was kind of worth it just to get the pronunciation of his name down though. This said it was over really quickly and it all seems a bit inconsequential now.

Oh, when you “great sign,” you were being sarcastic! I was momentarily confused. But it’s all good now! 

As you may remember, last week, the episode ended on a cliffhanger as Catarina and the gang were about to burst into Sirius’s house just as he was getting consumed by the darkness. Well, this week picks up right there. First, we get Sirius being all like gwaaahhh things are going all wrong. Then we quickly find out through flashback, that Sirius is not in fact serious. Sirious’s mother was a maid who was raped by her master and gave birth to a kid, but then the Master’s wife kidnaped them both and murdered the mother in a Dark Magic Ritual to stick the soul of her own dead kid into not Sirius, whose real name is Raphael and Sirius is the name of the dead kid but the thing didn’t work out and Raphirius only got the memories and he’s just been pretending that it worked all this time so that he could get revenge on the Dieke family who killed his mom. Cause they’re huge Diekes. I’m not sure why he wanted revenge on Caterina or what that was about but you know, I’m sure he had very good reasons. Anyways it doesn’t matter cuz Caterina says his real name out of the blue for some reason and now he’s all better and doesn’t want revenge anymore and all the PTSD is gone. Hurray! That was just the opening act of the episode though…

Now, to be fair, it was only almost all gone! The Entity Within made a “surprise” attempt to come back! But the Power of Friendship banished him. Either that, or not-Sirius was just happy to be holding Catarina’s hand.

 And then everybody goes back for a party at school because it’s graduation time. Caterina is right back to worrying whether she’s going to be all doomed so she decides to finally just ask Maria who she wants to… Let’s say… date. In response Maria confesses to Caterina and then everybody else confesses to Caterina and then everybody’s happy then they go to another room and have some more tea and cake because, I mean growing bodies, they need to keep hydrated and sugared up, and not Sirius comes back in and he also confesses to Caterina and everybody lives happily ever after, the end of the series…

Um…spoilers…

I got your back! Mentioned the danger of spoilers earlier. Though really, things went pretty well as expected, so maybe we’re more confirming things than spoiling them?

Is there a difference?

Speaking of growing bodies — did it seem like Catarina was, let’s say, more mature than even just last episode? Just what kind of sweets is Maria feeding her? Maria could build a fortune for her own family if she marketed it!

You always like your busty ladies. She was back to normal in her usual dress, just standard fanservice, I think.

I’ll be honest, although I did not dislike the Black magic plot, I also just feel like it belongs in a different story. It didn’t really, for me, mesh with the rest of the series. And that backstory of Sirius’s was deeply deeply tragic, yet it had this weird cheery music going on. It was all kind of uncanny. The tone was off, the pacing was way too abrupt and it just didn’t add anything to the light romantic comedy we’ve been watching for all these months. What do you think Crow? Did you like it as is, or do you think like me that it wasn’t bad in any way, it just would have been better in a different story that had the same sort of themes and tone that it was going for?

I like how you put it — that it would have been better in another story. It might have worked here if more of it had been foreshadowed, even thematically, earlier. But as is, I agree with you. It felt grafted on. In contrast, how Catarina brought him back was completely consistent with the rest of the show. She basically said that she wasn’t the heroine, so she couldn’t save him. Then she explained that “all” she could do was stand by his side, listen to him when he wanted to talk, and try to cheer him up. Which is to say, “save” him. The baka was strong with this one!

I wonder if there’s a discussion to be had on how Catarina’s view of herself as a villainess contributed to her baka-ness?

I reread some of the things I had said about the series in the first episodes and I was a little sad.  After episode one, I distinctly said how excited I was that Catarina seemed to break the mold of the usual otome heroine. She was a little dorky and a little clumsy sure, that’s a romantic archetype that’s super common, but she was also resourceful. Right off the bat she figured out what her situation was by herself, analyzed what danger she was likely to be in based on her own knowledge, and did so really well I should add, then started to put together contingency plans in order to ensure that she would be able to be okay in the future. And she did that by herself and for herself. It was refreshing. I think I’ve said word-for-word that it was so great to have a heroine that wasn’t an idiot constantly relying on the men around her to save her.

I can’t deny that I’m a little disappointed the series turned around and made being an idiot kind of a defining trait of Katerina’s personality. To the point that even the characters in the story refer to her as such without hesitation. And the fans have nicknamed her Bakarina. Even Crow, who really likes the character, uses the Idiotrina nickname because it fits so well. And frankly, I really can’t see the Katerina we got in the last 6 episodes or so, coming up with all the brilliant plans and situation assertions as the Katerina of early episodes.

It does seem like a disconnect. Reaching deep to try to defend what happened (and it kinda hurts!), I could build on the idea earlier about her own view of herself as the villainess degraded her abilities over time. Our abilities are often limited by how we view ourselves. Catarina perceived herself as the villainess who needed to do everything in her power to save herself. She probably thought she was selfish. Over time, that view narrowed her perception of what was possible. By the end, even when the whole harem clearly and concisely confessed their love for her, it wasn’t enough. Was she stupid? Or had her self-perception limited her so much that she couldn’t accept the idea that they honestly just loved her that much, and simply because she was herself?

Even after saying all that, did you notice that before the graduation party, the event that she saw as the final chance for doom to strike, she’d prepared? She had her toy snake, now perfected and looking completely real, ready to throw and distract Geraldo. She had her garden implements packed and ready. As narrow as she had allowed her perception to get, she was still fighting to the very end. It’s an echo of the full coolness we had earlier, but that little Catarina is still there, even if buried deeply!

 She’s still a very charming girl, but a much less memorable one as far as I’m concerned. The characters also went through a bit of arrested development which made me realize that I’m not sure why they all like Katerina. I understand why Keith does and potentially Alan. We legitimately see how her presence has affected them and changed them. But Geraldo doesn’t seem to have changed much. He’s different from his game counterpart, but he’s pretty much the same charming and commanding prince he was when we first met him. And Katerina has not been the nicest to him. I guess all the girls fall into the “because of the you were nice” trope. Still, it’s a bit thin. And Nicol likes her because she’s nice to his sister? It’s not that there’s no canon motivation given but we really don’t see it develop much, which is odd since that’s the actual core of the story. 

Of all of them, Geraldo’s continued affection seemed the most difficult to understand. Overall, it would have been more fulfilling had Catarina had chances to be good to them more after they entered school. As characters, they really did seem to stall. On the plus side, the show stayed true to its core concept: to the very end, Catarina struggled against her doom, and that was kinda cool.

I still really like those early episodes, I think I’m going to rewatch them.

I noticed that Katerina didn’t end up with anyone (although I suppose she still is engaged). I thought that was kinda cool. I guess very few harems end up in couples but I’m o.k. With that. How about you Crow? Did you want to see a couple form? Who?

Only in my imagination! I still think she and Mary would be a good match. Though maybe I’ve been affected my anime to the point where I wonder, why don’t they all just live together? It’s not like there’s no historical precedent! Well, in this world, anyway… A show where they have to work through the social expectations and legal biases might be fun. I mean, how would you figure out who inherited what estate, if everyone’s mingled? 

Will you be watching a season 2?

I think so! I still like the characters, and honestly, I’m curious to see where they’d take the plot. The core concept’s gone. The game’s over. Where’s it go from here?

What about you?

Like you, I’m curious what’s left. I guess it depends on what direction they take.

Well there you have it folks. My Next Life as a Villainess: All Routes Lead to Doom is all said and done. I hope you all had a good time with the show despite whatever flaws it may have had. Are you gin to be watchin a second season?

My Next Life as a Villainess: All Routes Lead to Doom! ep 12 – Finale Remember when I was all excited about the fact that it was starting to get warm here?

[buggingoutspencerzmjw841-blog]

Ultimate Set of the 7 Best Bug Out Bags [Backpacks of 2020]™

The Rush72 is a 55-liter backpack that offers a lot of storage space, numerous organizational pouches, well-padded band, and a wrap-around MOLLE system for adding accessories. The pack is constructed of durable, water-resistant 1000D nylon, rendering it well-equipped to endure in difficult conditions. Additionally it is hydration-ready and includes self-healing zippers (so you won't have to struggle with any mismatched zipper teeth) that produce accessing the various pockets a quick and easy affair. The back pack was specifically made to carry everything you need to complete a 72-hour timeframe, rendering it the perfect option for recreational use and catastrophe preparedness as well. We also specifically narrowed down packages that provide a variety of compartments and organizational systems.

This enables you to generate plenty of potable water both on the go even though ceased for the night. The machine is with the capacity of removing 99.9999% of bacteria and 99.9% protozoa in the water, while also filtering particulates as well. That’s enough to earn it the Path Base authorization from the U.S. On top of that, it means that you’ll have access to a continuous supply of safe normal water at fine times. You can’t have a insect out handbag if you don’t have the right bag, and 5.11 Tactical makes some of the best for use in military, wilderness, and survival situations.

Just like the man discussing ammo, when the SHTF you will see ammo on the floor, along with weapons. So pack your bags, prepare, but learn to survive without all these items which will go out if extended amount of time in the bush is required. Again KNOWLEDGE. But I agree basic survival items are good to have packed. Choosing clothing for your insect out handbag is an extremely customized selection as we all have different body types, tolerances and levels of fitness.

I am also a wheelchair user which can be somewhat of an edge because I won’t be carrying the bag the way most people have to. I used to be actually quite impressed with the marketing video. The survival was put by The developer priorities in the right order. Way too many times companies play off dread and say that food is priority.

It is simply the coolest little display light you can purchase. Staying dry, hydrated and warm are certain to get you though 5-7 times. You need to be planing a trip to a source stash you have previously positioned.

If food were ever a huge problem, I would try placing a live snare ( for legal reasons) and either take my crossbow or the air pistol and dispatch any cat the trap caught. I’m in the kill and suburbs traps are unlawful because they worry about people getting injured.

Also, the list it was included with included Evasion and Escape items. They are the only company I have seen which includes that category. See expert’s checklist of survival medical kit items, which map right to the same three-level model for your bug out handbag. The weights used in this guide derive from that list, including common containers used for each size. Packing a bug out bag can seem overwhelming as the task of remembering something important can be challenging.

That’s why every bug out bag needs a good filtering and MSR’s Trail Base Water Filtration system Package is one of the very most versatile around. Not only will the kit include the company’s lightweight and effective TrailShot microfilter, but it also includes a larger gravity filter for use at the campsite too.

I really do leave food for the kitty colony sometimes so hopefully they might trust me somewhat which would make it simpler to use this insurance coverage. The crossbow came with steel arrows so definitely enough to stop anyone who's aiming to make off with my drinking water supply unless they have firearms of course. One benefit to utilizing a wheelchair is that I think most people would assume that they might not meet level of resistance and therefore feel less of a need to bring hands to attempt to raid my stuff.

There are several checklists out there that will tell you the fundamental items you should keep in your bug out bag. You can buy an loaded Bug away Bag already, such as this one here- Urban Survival Bug Out Handbag, which contains necessities items like food, water, and a first aid kit. You can also check out our Bug Out Handbag Checklist and personalize your bag yourself. A bug out handbag isn’t just something used by crazy survivalists.

This is bug out bag and most people can’t bring 90 Pounds of shit on their back.You will be told by me if you put everything listed on this site I could not carry it. Being prepared, you could write all day in what to have and pack. Knowledge and the methods to apply it are the most crucial thing you will need. We didn’t go with tons of equipment, we discovered to live using what we're able to find.

Joining up with many people you can trust and hang with also needs to be previously planned out. As i select items for my BOB I am accumulated weight. I’m choosing somewhat high quality stuff as to not have factors break within the first calendar year of use also if I can, getting Military services Surplus gear. Anyways, this gets heavy…with of course food, water, clothing, and shelter being the majority of the weight.

Hard to know where to begin It’s, but if you cover all the fundamentals in a survival situation you will still be far better off than 99% of the individuals. the bag I got came with an enormous list and video lessons and 12 Molle modular packages. Do most bug out bags include video lessons about packaging and bugging out? That was part of how I could convince my children to obtain it for me.

A bug out bag is a handbag designed for everyone, and even the United States Federal government advises you to have at least three days-worth of water and food on hand at all times. Pak-Lite nine volt flash light is last and small a long time.

MREs are tricky because although they include all you need (including an internal ‘cooker’ rather than external boiling water), they aren't space and weight efficient for the nourishment you get. It’s telling that many military vets don’t bring MREs as their major food choice in a insect out bag. Finding clean normal water can be considered a serious challenge whilst travelling in the backcountry or immediately following a major disaster.

The items listed here are to be strategically layered to keep up a healthy body temp at all times. For someone not used to being truly a Survivalist, building your first Insect Out Handbag can appear like a large task. Everybody you find out about has been tweaking theirs for months or even years and has a pile of gear built up.

I mean I’m not half way down the list and I m already packaging more equipment than the Marines bring. I love all the POSITIVE help and ideas for my BOB. Please retain in mind folks that the basics like water, proteins, instant shelter , first aid and protection will be needed if we are pressured to get away from our homes always.

Although they were like the type of lessons could need to pack a bag anyone? I don’t have a crossbow and the list recommends a certain type of air pistol for silently hunting small game. I currently know in which a colony of crazy cats live near my home.

A survivalist will see ways to make it possible to have, carry, today find those items even if we use a tool thats used diferently inside our lives. Eventually all the things we devote our BOBs will run out and have to be changed so retain in mind our set up on these bags is to keep us alive long enough for us to figure out how to live from the land, as they say. What events would cause us to become instant survivalists? My plan is for us to bug out together and stay together which means we are carrying different things to keep each handbag weight down for long distance more info travel. Pamela there are numerous great sites out there that will answer each one of these relevant questions for you.