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cynicalrainbows · 4 years

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The Next Best Thing Pt 3

So this is a very long rambley chapter of this Catalina-adopts-babey-Cathy au. I’m not sure if I’m entirely happy with how it turned out- I was trying to do a few things, really: get better at writing from the POV of actual small children (which is incredibly difficult and also quite fun) and also have a go at describing what an absolute headfuck grief is.

Like, I cannot get over how when people die, you’re expected to get around the angry and sadness and confusion...and ALSO just sort of....live your normal life. And it’s especially difficult that those two things then get mixed up: I remember sitting by my dad’s deathbed and watching him die and just feeling sort of....fine? A bit numb but also very concerned with extremely mundane things like did I remember to say thank you to all the nurses and did I remember to wash up the cups we’d made tea in? And then the next morning, I was on the edge of going into the road to throw things at the inconsiderate bastards who were just driving around and going to work like it was a normal day. And then three months later, I was sobbing hysterically while I made paninis at work because of some minor comment my absolute cunt of a boss made. And even now, years later, I had a sudden moment the other week when it suddenly hit me that I was never ever going to be able to say thank you to dad for the lovely things he wrote in my birthday cards. AND a moment of anger that I was never going to be able to have it out with him for lots of stuff I’m still angry with him for.

And then to have to deal with that as a child? Sweet Jesus. I honestly don’t know how children manage.

I was also trying really hard to get across the absolute mindfuck that is just being a 6-9 yr old girl. Like...I only vaguely remember being seven but still. And watching the children at my work? Good god.

SO i hope you all like it. I probably went overboard with making Aragon soft but I refuse to apologise because soft Aragon is the best Aragon.

Enjoy!

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She used to like school, back before, but that was back when everything was different, when she had a Mum to collect her like everyone else and when she could write about going to the park and the library and the swimming pool in her newsbook just like everyone else.

Catalina has taken her to the park, to the library- but she can’t let herself enjoy it now. She keeps hoping that her parents will bob up from behind a bush or a bookshelf and tell her that everything was just a big misunderstanding- but they don’t. They never do, but she can’t stop herself hoping it, even if doing so feels like prodding a wobbly tooth- just as painful, just as impossible to resist.

Even the idea of school feels wrong now- school belongs back then, toher old normal.

Now, normal is staying at home with Catalina, trips to bookshops (new ones with cafes and shiney displays, old ones where the books are tired and tattered, with yellowing pages that smell of old paper and dust) which she likes, trips to church (which she wishes she liked) and trips to see a therapist (her therapist) which she has decided that she definitely doesn’t like.

She doesn’t like the stuffy waiting room, she doesn’t like the waiting room toys- the books with pages torn out and scribbles all over the cover, the sad barbies left lying with their legs splayed and half their clothes missing, the jigsaw puzzles where all the pieces are mixed together.

There are better things in the actual therapy room- paints and a real easel, better craft supplies even than at school- but after the first session, when she’s meant to be fetching her coat, she hears the therapist lady (Doctor Jenny, she is meant to call her) talking to Catalina about her, asking how she’s settling, asking if they’re coping….and she hates the thought of being discussed so much that she decides not to talk there again. Not even for the sake of the easel, and she rips the painting she made in her session into pieces in the backseat of the car on the way home. She wants to throw them out of the window but that would be littering and she has sat through enough school assemblies about littering to know that it is one of the worst, worst things you can do (aside from drawing in library books and pushing people into traffic) so she doesn’t, just holds the balled up painty scraps of paper in her fists until she can drop them into the bin where they belong.

School isn’t her new normal- but now apparently Catalina has to go back to work and she has to go back to school whether they want to or not.

‘Can’t you keep teaching me here? I did all my workbook-’ She quite likes filling out the booklets that the school had sent ‘in the interests of not falling behind’, although it feels funny to fill them out sitting on the sofa and wearing her weekend clothes.

‘I’d like to, querida.’ Catalina looks tired- she’s been frowning and looking at papers, then typing, then frowning again and pressing the back space key very, very hard- but now she swivels her chair around to look at Cathy properly. ‘I really would. But we wouldn’t be allowed.’

‘Why not?’

‘It’s the law, you have to be in school...and I have to go back to work…before everything just completely falls apart without me….’ She looks at the papers, drops them back into the pile. ‘You’ll be able to see all your friends again- you’d like that, wouldn’t you?’

She shrugs. She would like to see Anne- but she hasn’t seen her properly since before then, only talked to her on the phone and Anne had kept talking about Anna, the new girl, about how she’s sitting with Anne til Cathy is back, about how she brought in a big cornet of sweets to share on her first day, about how there was something called Katjes that was really liquorice…. and even thinking about it makes her chest feel tight and scared because what if Anne doesn’t want to be best friends any more? (What if Anna is more fun?)

Catalina takes both of her hands in her own and kisses them. ‘It will be ok, querida. I promise.’

(Catalina always tells the truth but it’s harder to believe her this time.)

She watches from the doorway that evening as Catalina lays out clothes- stiff suits and high, high heels, skirt and blouse and school jumper- and feels sick.

She sleeps badly, picks at her toast and doesn’t hug Catalina back when she says goodbye. She’s not even allowed to go into the playground before the bell rings- instead, she has to go into the headmistresses office because there are ‘special circumstances’ (although what these are she isn’t quite sure.)

Mrs Jardin says things about grief and loss and settling in. No comment seems to be required from her so she stays quiet until the bell releases her.

Anne walks into the classroom with a girl she hasn’t seen before who she thinks must be Anna. This girl- this new girl- gives Cathy a friendly smile, as if she isn’t stealing her best friend while her back is turned…. and she pretends not to see.

(She doesn’t know why she should smile at a friend stealer.)

It doesn’t feel right to sit in her old class, as if everything is the same….but then, a new teacher comes in to take the register and she doesn’t like that it’s different either.

Anne whispers that she’s nice, that she let them make get well soon cards for their usual teacher rather than having to do the usual Friday spelling test, and she thinks that of course that would make Anne like her.

(Unlike her, Anne does not enjoy the spelling test.)

There’s dinner money to hand in, then a boring assembly about road safety and looking both ways. There’s literacy hour, like usual; numeracy hour, like usual. No gold stars for anyone (although their old teacher always used to have them- this new teacher just does boring ticks in red pen)- and then a change: they’re going to make cards.

For Mothers day.

Which is in a week.

Suddenly, she feels very cold. Mothers day.

She doesn’t want to think about last year- daffodils picked from the garden, carrying a tray not-to-spill-carefully into the bedroom, being allowed to boil the kettle and make the toast herself, the picture that kept coming out wrong and the poem she wrote herself in place of it.

She wants Catalina to come- to take her home or even just to BE there… but then she remembers that Catalina has abandoned her, that she’s the one making her have to go to school at all.

(And besides, Catalina is at work now anyway, doing whatever she does at work. She pictures meetings and shouty phone calls and wavy lines in red on graph paper, like when she and Anne play office.) (She wonders what games Anne plays with Anna and decides they’re probably all boring anyway.)

The teacher finished explaining- about spelling and sharing the felt pens and taking turns with the glitter, as if they’re babies, as if they’ve never made cards before when everyone knows that even the Nursery school children make cards at Christmas and Easter….and she turns to her blank sheet of construction paper and wishes she could tear it up.

‘What are you going to do?’

Anne’s whisper catches her by surprise.

‘What do you mean?’

Anne looks uncomfortable. ‘Because- well-’

She understands what Anne means, all at once, and it’s like cold water being poured on her- of course she can’t make a card for mum because mum isn’t there to have it and she knows this, but this realisation still feels new and suddenly she’s thinking of all the other things she won’t ever be able to give mum or dad ever again, birthday presents and Christmas presents and-

Anne is almost quivering next to her, her hand waving high in the air, and Cathy just KNOWS what she’s going to ask- what about if you don’t have a Mum to make a card for?

She knows that’s what she’s going to ask, and it makes her so angry (angry that Anne is asking, angry that it’s a question that applies to her now, angry that Anne and everyone else get to still have parents, angry that they have to do this stupid project in the first place when everyone knows that it’s meant to be history workbooks after break) that she’s burning hot all over.

The teacher suddenly stops her monologue on the necessity of Putting Lids on Felt Tips, as if she’s heard the question through the waving of Anne’s hand, and she smiles like she’s swallowed a tin of golden syrup. Her voice is syrupy to match.

‘Of course, for anyone who doesn’t have a mother-’ She pauses. ‘What I mean is, if you’d like to make a card for someone else- maybe an auntie….well, that’s fine’.

She even looks at Cathy as she says it- but she doesn’t want to make a card for Catalina. She isn’t her auntie, she definitely isn’t her mum.

‘Because of course, you don’t have to be a mum to do mum-things!’

(Her mum wouldn’t have abandoned her at school, she thinks first….and then she wonders if maybe her mum has abandoned her after all- except worse and more forever. It’s not a nice thought to have.)

‘People can be your mum in spirit and that’s fine!’

(Does that mean Catalina has to take the place of her mum now?)

Part of her still wants Catalina to come and make things ok again (although she’s not sure how she would)- but part of her is angry too.

She’s angry with Catalina, for doing all the ‘mum-things’, angry with herself that she’s been letting her. (Can her own mum see her letting Catalina tuck her into bed and run her bath and hear her spellings? Would she be cross if she could?)

She feels more mixed up than ever, and it’s all Anne’s fault, it’s all Anne’s fault (for asking the question, for putting the thought into the stupid teacher’s head, for liking Anna better) and when the teacher turns her back (because someone has somehow broken their gluestick like an idiot), the anger bubbles up and she kicks Anne as hard as she can under the desk.

She’s not sure what she’s expecting- Anne to kick her back maybe, or to jump up and tell on her and get her into trouble, but instead Anne just bursts into tears.

Part of her wants to say sorry….but part of her thinks it serves Anne right for sitting next to stupid new Anna with her stupid shoes that light up and her stupid purse shaped like a dog. (They’re definitely not cool and she definitely isn’t going to ask for either for her birthday.)

Within seconds, the teacher is bearing down on them both.

‘What on earth do you think you’re doing, young lady?’ (She thinks spitefully that the teacher has probably forgotten her name already, something that their usual teacher would NEVER do.)

She just scowls back.

‘You’re going to say sorry to- your friend’ (Clearly she’s forgotten Anne’s name too) ‘-and then you’re going to sit and get on with your card nicely where I can see you-’

‘I don’t want to.’

She folds her arms and the teacher huffs.

‘This is NOT the sort of behaviour I expect from children in this year group! Imagine what your mother would-’

She says it and then freezes, her face going bright red- and it’s this freezing that makes it worse, like a big loud reminder that mum CAN’T see her, that she’ll never see her again, that the teacher has made a big mistake by mentioning it…. And there’s a roaring in her head as she picks up her paper, rips it into pieces and throws them into the woman’s face.

When the teacher tries to take her hand and pull her to the front of the room, she pulls away and pushes all her things- her pencils and pens, her rubber that smells like strawberries onto the floor and stamps on them and feels the crack of plastic under her school shoes- until a hand closes around her wrist and she’s dragged away and deposited into the corridor.

(She’s never been put out into the corridor before because that’s something that only the really bad children have happen to them, and she’s never been one of them….except she also never used to be the child without parents, she never used to want to make Anne hurt, so maybe now everything is different, it doesn’t matter what she does because nothing will make it better, and there’s nothing to do but scream and scream and scream.)

She’s acting crazy, not like herself at all- and the scary thing is, she can’t seem to stop, though her throat is raw and sore and her head is aching.

It hurts worse than when she had flu, and had to drink cups of lemon and honey and suck on horrible tasting lozenges (that didn’t taste anything like cherry no matter what the label said)...except when she had flu, she knes she’d get better but can you get better from something like this that isn’t an illness?

It frightens her that she can’t stop but then perhaps it doesn’t matter because everything is ruined anyhow, her parents are never coming back (she knows this, she knows this), all her pens are broken, everyone in her class saw her tear things up like a really bad kid and Anne will sit next to Anna forever and Catalina will be so angry with her…...she’ll be in so much trouble and what if Catalina doesn’t want her any more, what if she decides that she’s too much trouble because of this-

The thought has her curled up into herself, her face pressed against her drawn-up knees because it’s so scary, scarier than roller coasters and dogs that bark and the dark space under her bed, scarier than the little bit of a horror film that Anne’s sister showed them once when she slept over with the man that had knives for hands, scarier than anything-

The click click click of high heels sound down the hall- and it’s a new sound to hear at school because those aren’t the sort of shoes that the teachers or the dinner ladies wear, they’re not even the sort of shoes the big grown-up girls in Year 6 wear, she only knows one person who wears those sort of shoes-

‘Querida-’

When Catalina crouches down in front of her and puts a hand on her arm, part of her wants to cling onto her and make her promise to not ever leave ever ever- but another part of her tells her that she’s being stupi,d that of course her godmother won;t want her any more, that she’s probably just come into school to tell her that- and so she pushes the hand away roughly and won’t look up.

‘What’s the matter?’

She says nothing.

‘I can’t help if you don’t talk to me, carino.’

She doesn’t want to talk.

‘I need to make sure you are ok, querida. Can you tell me what made you so upset?’

She doesnt sound angry, she sounds like she always does- and it’s all wrong, she shouldn’t even be here, school shouldn’t be calling Catalina . No one else has their godparents called into school….cxcept of course they have to because there’s no one else, there’s no one else at all-

‘I hate you.’

She even means it. Perhaps if Catalina wasn’t around to fill in and do all the mum things, then mum would still be alive (because how could she have died if there was truly no one else?)

‘Why querida?’

‘It’s your fault. You should have died instead of mum.’

She means that too, but as she says it, she hides her face in her arms so she doesn’t have to see if Catalina looks cross or sad or (and this would somehow be worst of all) like she doesn’t even care.

(Not that she cares how Catalina feels. If she hadn’t ruined everything by making her come into school- if she hadn’t ruined everything by existing at all-)

She wonders, in the darkness of her arms, what will happen next- shouting (except Catalina doesn’t shout, apart from at traffic lights that change too quickly or spiders that come out of nowhere) or just the click-click-click of her heels leaving...but there’s nothing.

Nothing at all.

Just quiet.

It’s so quiet for so long that she wonders if perhaps Catalina has actually left after all- it would make sense for her to leave- and the thought gives her a little frisson of fear.

Despite everything….she doesn’t want to be all by herself. Not really.

She waits for a long, long time.

Eventually, she risks a glance up- steeling herself for the empty corridor.

But Catalina is still there, sitting on the wooden floor with her high shoes sitting next to her and the nail polish on her toes showing through her tights.

She doesn’t look cross, only very sad and tired…. but she makes her face into a smile when she sees she’s being watched and the relief- that she isn’t being shouted at or sent away or hated is enough to make her start to cry all over again.

She knows she’s probably ruined everything already by saying those things- and she can’t escape the feeling that she’s doing something wrong by wanting by wanting her godmother in the same way she used to want her mum (like she’s betraying her, like she’s making her sad in heaven)......but she’s so very tired and lonely, and Catalina looks so warm and safe and comforting that she reaches out to her without meaning to, half wondering if she’ll be pushed away.

She isn’t pushed away.

Warm hands gently draw her close until she’s being held safe in her godmothers arms, one hand stroking her damp tangled hair away from her hot face while she tries to burrow far into Catalina’s smart silk work shirt and stiff black blazer.

She knows she’s making them both wet and disgusting but she doesn’t care and Catalina doesn’t seem to mind either, just gently rocks her back and forth and murmurs things that must be in spanish but it doesn’t matter that she can’t understand, she just wants Catalina to keep holding her and keep talking because if she’s doing that, she can;t be planning on getting rid of her, at least not now, at least not yet-

‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry-’

‘Oh querida. It’s alright. It’s all going to alright.’

She should explain herself- that’s what adults always say ‘explain yourself’, but she doesn’t know if she can and when she tries, it comes out wrong and she starts hiccuping in between sobs.

‘Shhhh, carino. You don’t have to talk yet.’

She whimpers and presses her face back into Catalina’s chest and feels a kiss be pressed into her hairline.

‘It’s alright. We’ll sort this all out, I promise.’

She’d like to say that some things can’t be fixed- but she’s too tired. She actually doesn’t feel very well at all, and now she’s noticing it- not just the way her throat is sore, not just the being tired, she feels sick too, and her head aches and she’s shaking a bit all over like she has the flu except she doesn’t- but Catalina’s arms are warm and safe and so she makes herself just think about that, about that instead.

A long, long time passes before she feels like she can talk again- there’s a heaviness all up her arm and legs and in her head.

‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.’

‘It’s alright, querida. Do you want to tell me what happened? What made you so upset, hm?’

She doesn’t want to tell her at all but Catalina won’t be able to fix it if she doesn’t so she does her best- the Mother’s day card and Anne trying to ask her stupid question, Anne sitting with Anna instead of her, the daffodils last year, never being able to make another Mother’s day card again, the way the teacher looked at her, the anger and Anne crying at being kicked and all her own pens being broken.

Catalina listens and nods seriously and doesn’t interrupt, even though Cathy knows it’s a bit jumbled and she has to keep stopping every so often to sniffle into the tissues Catalina hands to her from the little packet in her purse.

When she finishes, Catalina nods slowly, like she’s working it all out in her head.

‘That is….quite a lot, querida.’

It actually makes her feel a (tiny) bit better, that Catalina doesn’t laugh or tell her she’s making a fuss about nothing…..but she knows what it also means- it isn’t all going to be fixed right away. Perhaps Catalina can see she’s disappointed because she squeezes her hand.

‘Would you like to hear my thoughts so far?’

She would.

‘I think your parents loved you very, very much. And that if they can see you, they will be thinking how very proud they are that you have been so brave and done so well, even without them there. I think they’d be proud to see how well you’re coping with having to live in a new place and do things differently.’

‘You don’t think they’d….mind? Do you think they’d be upset that I- about today?’

It hurts to ask but she wants to be sure.

Catalina shakes her head.

‘I think that you are having to work through a lot of things that are difficult. Very, very difficult. There is no easy way to lose people. And sometimes it will make you sad, and sometimes it will make you angry….like today-’

There’s a tiny lightening in her stomach at Catalina says that. She doesn’t feel better exactly...but it helps to know that perhaps she isn’t a really bad person after all. That it’s not badness, just grief. That maybe it’s even a bit normal.

‘Does everyone…..feel like this?’

Catalina looks down at her. ‘In one way or another….yes.’

‘Do you?’

‘Sometimes...yes.’

The thought makes her eyes go wide. She tries to imagine Catalina throwing pens on the floor of her smart office and it’s almost enough to make her smile again. Almost.

‘It doesn’t make you bad, it just part of grieving, carino- the hurting’ She pauses. ‘Not that you don’t need to try and make sure you don’t hurt other people too of course. I think perhaps you owe Anne an apology, hm?’

She shrugs and burrows back against the blazer and it feels cold and damp. ‘I don’t think she even wants to be my friend anymore-’

‘I can’t believe that, querida.’

‘It’s true. She has Anna now.’

‘Well’ Catalina changes position, stretching a cramped leg. ‘Why don’t you ask her?’

She isn’t sure what she means- and then Catalina gives her a tiny nudge and she looks up to see Anne’s face peering anxiously through the pane of glass in the classroom door. When she sees Cathy looking back at her, she looks enormously relieved- before she stops herself and makes a silly exaggerated cross face instead and mimes hopping up and down in pain.

Cathy finds she’s laughing in spite of herself- and Anne laughs too and sticks out her tongue, before a summons from inside drags her reluctantly away from the door.

‘Seems like she still wants to be friends to me.’

And she thinks perhaps Catalina is right.

Perhaps things aren’t as broken as she thought.

(Perhaps she can live with Catalina and let her do the mum-things that her own mum isn’t around for, but also keep thinking of mum-as-mum in her head. Perhaps she doesn’t have to feel guilty for doing normal things- perhaps she can feel proud. Perhaps things will work out mostly alright- not as alright as they’d have been if mum and dad were still alive but….close. Close enough.)

(Perhaps she’ll even ask Anna if she wants to play one day.)

(Perhaps.)

#six #six the musical #six the musical fanfiction #six fanfiction #sixfic

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spencerreidisbananas · 5 years

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The Journal: Part Two ( Luke )

Author's note: This is number two to a six part series. I made a masterlist and it is linked in my bio so you can find all my work there. I know that this one sorta sucks so sorry guys. Next part is Michael’s turn. Thank you for all your love and support for this series. What type of stuff would you like to see next from me? Comment down below! I hope you guys enjoy!

Word Count: 2,234

I woke up the next morning with my head of Luke's chest and the rest of the bed empty. I could feel his hand playing with my hair. I smiled at the feeling and curled up into him even more.

“Good morning (Y/N)” his voice was rough due to the early morning. I yawned, stretching my arms up into the air, causing him to chuckle.

“Where did the rest of the boys go?” I asked, blushing at the thought of last night.

“They went out for the day so we could have some alone time. You remember the agreement we made?...” I nodded thinking back to what we had talked about. I would get to have each of the boys every day and today was Luke's day. “...Well I was thinking since you are probably sore from last night that you can go take a nice hot bath or shower while I make us breakfast.” Luke suggested.

I nodded. A bath did sound nice. Especially if these next four days were to be filled with plenty of sex.

Luke got up out of bed, leaving a little kiss on my forehead, and headed down to the kitchen. I sighed knowing that I had to get out of the confortable bed and headed to the bathroom.

I ran the water, waiting for it to fill up the tub, and took a look at myself in the mirror. Yikes. I looked like an absolute mess. My hair was wild and Tangled, my makeup smudge, and I had multiple hickeys going down my chest. I decided that I wanted to look nice and sexy for Luke so I quickly headed into the bath.

While soaking, I had some time to think about the plans me and Luke would have today. I knew that Luke was definitely not always in control and it made me excited to think of the different ways that I could dominate him today. I think I'm going to need a little bit of supplies though before we get started today.

When I had got out of the shower, I blow dried my hair and did my makeup. Today I chose a simple outfit. It was just a black t shirt dress and some converse.

Heading down stairs I was just in time for the pancakes that Luke had decided to make. I swear all these boys could be chefs if they wanted to. We ate our breakfast like normal with not much to really talk about. I wanted to ask him if there was anything that he wanted from the sex store for today because i wasn't entirely sure of everything he was into. Luke was never the type of guy to talk and brag about his sex life so I didn't know his kinks.

When I asked him the question he stopped eating and blushed, immediately getting shy.

“Uhm d-do you think I can come with you and chose out some things there?” He stuttered.

“Of course you can Lukey. What do you have in mind?”

He again blushed, “It's uh, it's... nevermind it's embarrassing.”

That made me sad that he was embarrassed about the things that he was into because he should be proud of whatever it is that is so embarrassing. I motioned him towards the couch and say down next to him, grabbing his jaw so he could face me.

“ I want to make today good, not just for me, but for the both of us. That means I'm gonna need you to be honest and trust me. I need you to know that I'm not going to judge you.” I told him. He simple nodded and I let go of his jaw so he could speak

Looking down at his lap he spoke, “ I guess I was just scared to tell you because all the other boys can dominate you and make you feel good, but I l-like to be dominated by y-you. I want to be a good boy for you.”

That last sentence was barely above a whisper and had a wetness pulling in between my thighs. I leaned up and whispered right next to his ear, “As long as your good I promise to treat you well tonight. How about you be a good boy for me right now and get dressed so we can get you some toys for tonight?” He nodded eagerly and ran upstairs, causing me to laugh.

A few minutes later we were in the car. When Luke came back from upstairs he was different. Less shy and more giggly. I was glad he wasn't being shy and quiet anymore.

When we got to the shop I was excited. I had been in this store once before as a dare with the boys but that was it. When we walked in, me and Luke went our separate ways and I searched for what I had originally came here for. I picked up some pink fluffy handcuffs ( I thought they would look and feel nicer than the silver metal ones). I also picked up a cock ring which i was more than ready to put to use of Luke. I glanced through some of the other aisles and found a strap on. This could be interesting. Maybe not for today though. I quickly bought my three items and then went to go find Luke.

I found him in an aisle full of lingerie. When we caught eyes he immediately blushed and looked down at the ground. “What were you looking at baby boy?” My question caused him to look up again and straight at this light pink set.

“ I wanna wear it.” He commented. Images flashed through my head of Luke below me in pink panties. My hormones were going wild. I simply nodded and told him to grab it as we headed towards the checkout once again.The ride home was quiet and I knew Luke was nervous but I promised myself that I would make him as comfortable as possible.

When we walked into the house I let my hand touch Lukes lower back. I leaned up and whispered into his ear. “ Why don’t you get all nice and pretty for me with that new set that we bought and I will be upstairs in a minute.” He blushed and nodded, shyly heading upstairs. I took a breather trying to get the confidence to head upstairs. Grabbing the handcuffs and slipping the cock ring into my pocket, I headed upstairs.

Opening the door, I found Luke sitting on the bed in the most beautiful set of pink lingerie. He looked so innocent and my breath caught in my throat.

“ You look so beautiful for me baby.” I spoke, causing him to meet my eyes and blush. I crawled on the bed and straddled his waist. I could feel that he was already hard through the small panties that he was wearing. He moaned at the contact as my jean shorts rubbed up against him.

Leaning down, I pulled him into a deep kiss where we were both fighting for dominance, which I clearly one. I moaned into the kiss and let my hands roam into his hair, slightly tugging. My lips left his and I allowed myself to let them trail down leaving a few hickeys on his neck before going down to his nipples. I licked over one and his breathing increased. I decided to try something as i went and tweaked the other nipples. A loud moan escaped from his lips at the action.

“Fuck (Y/N), please don’t tease me. I’m so fucking hard.” I smirked and chuckled a little at his words.

“Oh but baby, we are just getting started.” I pulled out the handcuffs from behind me and his features immediately changed. His eyes grew a deeper shade, filled with lust. He lifted his arms up, giving me perfect space as I tied them to the bed pole.

“Do those feel okay?” I asked, wanting to make sure he felt okay. He nodded.

“ You need to use your words Luke.” I spoke sternly.

He gulped, “ Yes miss, they feel perfect.”

“Good boy.”

I led myself down to his painties, tracing a hand over the bulge. I could see a wet patch where pre-cum had started to leak. He panted, waiting for my next move.

“Listen, I’m gonna suck you off now, okay? But you have to tell me when you are close to cuming. If not, there will be punishment.”

He nodded and I continued with what I was doing. Leaning down, I mouthed at his cock through the panties and he groaned, closing his eyes. Slowly, I pulled down the underwear with my teeth, his eyes now watching my every move. His cock sprung up and hit his stomach. It looked painfully red and leaking.

“Please (Y/N) I need your mouth.” Luke begged. I gave him what he wanted, leaning down and licking up his slit before taking it all in my mouth. He pulled on the handcuffs trying to touch me but was unable to get loose from them. I smirked, hollowing out my cheeks and taking him further.

“Fuck (Y/N) you're so good to me. So good.” He breathed out. I looked up at him and saw an amazing site. He had his hands tied up with those fluffy pink handcuffs and his hair was everywhere, his head back, and moans spilling from his mouth.

I pushed myself as far down as I could take him, slightly gagging as I choked. He groaned at the feeling. “Shit, I'm gonna cum.”

The moment those words left his mouth, I immediately left his cock. He whined at the loss of contact between the two of us as I pulled out the small item in my pocket. His eyes grew wide as I put the cock ring on him.

“I promise I will let you cum baby, but you have to be good for me. Can you be a good boy for me?”

“Y-yeah I can be a good boy for you.” He whimpered.

I pulled myself off of him, now standing up beside the bed. I slowly stripped every piece of clothing that I was wearing. As I unclipped my bra and let it slide down his cock twitched up. “You like what you see baby?” Asked as he replied in only a whimper. I chuckled and headed back over to the bed.

“If you help me cum first then I'll ride you and allow you to cum. Does that sound good?”

I didn't wait for a response as I hovered over his mouth. Lightly I lowered my body down and grabbed onto the bed pole as he licked up my slit. His tongue slid through my folds and he latched onto my clit. I knew I wouldn't last as I had already been super worked up in the first place. He continued to suck on my clit before working his way down before his tongue slid into me.

“Fuck Luke. You're such a good boy for me, eating me out like this. I bet you want to cum so bad.” I moaned grabbing his cock and give it a few strokes.

A broken moan left his mouth at the touch. I felt him start to work harder on my pussy so he could cum. I felt myself getting closer to my release as I gripped onto his chest,nails digging in.

With one more loud moan, I released onto his mouth, shaking. I slowly got off of his face and rearranged myself so I was facing him again. He was panting, his face a slight red color, and my juices dripping out of his mouth. I knew he was desperate so I took of the cock ring which in itself caused a moan to escape from his mouth.

I sunk down on him and released the hand cuffs so that he could touch me. His hands went straight to my waist and he started bucking his hips up. I knew he wouldn’t last long and he knew too so he brought a hand down to my clit and started rubbing. I whined at the pleasure of both his cock and his fingers, not to include my overstimulation from my last orgasm.

I felt him twitch inside me and then he was cumming. I felt the hot streams of cum hit the insides of my walls and when he moaned my name I lost it, coming undone as well.

I pulled off of him and ran to grab a hot washcloth to wipe him off. He sighed in contentment as the warm fabric hit his skin. After cleaning him up I went under the covers that he was already in and cuddling next to Luke.

“ Thank you for being a good boy for me.”I whispered before dozing off into a heavy sleep.

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scornedlove · 5 years

Text

Chapter Seventeen

Robyn

It was happening again. After almost a year of not having crazy dreams, I was having nightmares again.

This time, I dreamt I was getting married. I was walking down the aisle with happy tears because everything was so beautiful and all my friends and family were there. When my veil was lifted, I was standing in front of Chris. We say our vows and kiss. When we turn and face the crowd, everyone stands up and applauds except for Melanie, who is shaking her head with her arms crossed and a pregnant woman in the front row, who looks too big to stand, even if she wanted to. She’s sitting next to Joyce with her head down and her shoulders are shaking as if she’s crying. I squeeze Chris’ hand tighter to grab his attention and point the woman out to him, but when I look back at her, she’s gone. We walk down the aisle and out of the church to a motorcycle that has just married on the back of it, with ribbon and flowers flowing down the back. We both hop on the motorcycle while everyone’s yelling congratulations and blowing kisses at us. Before pulling off, Chris decides to pop a wheely and I fall off the motorcycle in my big ass, white gown, so I’m standing there yelling at him while he’s still driving. Then, in front of my eyes, a truck crashes into to him, and my eyes pop open. It was a horrible nightmare and I always woke up just as the truck crashes into him.

It was like hearing from Chris resurfaced energy it took me forever to bury. Maybe it was because I unintentionally stood him up. With everything that was going on with Rayven, I had completely forgotten about Chris that entire week. By the time I remembered, it felt foolish to try and apologize a week later, so I didn’t.

Nevertheless, today was the third time I’ve had this dream in the past month and each time I was in bed with Dre, thank God he didn’t wake up this time. It took him a week to stop asking me if I was okay the last time, when he witnessed the night sweats.

Instead of having breakfast with Dre, like I usually did after crashing at his place, I decided to get up and get an early start on my day. I joined a gym in my neighborhood a few weeks ago and had been coming three days a week since.

It was a nice, comfortable environment and I'd already met a cool chick who was on a strict workout plan, preparing to be a bridesmaid in her friend’s wedding. She was usually halfway through her session when I got there, but that didn't stop us from having a little friendly competition.

"Good morning Robyn. You're here earlier than usual” she smiled brightly as sweat glistened on her forehead.

“Mornin Katy” I replied, as I shoved my glasses, hat, and phone in a locker.

“I’ve already done my six miles, thanks to that B12 injection I got yesterday" she announced, following me to the floor and sitting on the squat machine next to me. “I’m telling you, that stuff is a game changer, and I’m gonna need all the energy I can get, so I can be nice and tight for that dress.”

"I absolutely hate injections and needles” I frowned at the thought “Well...unless I’m getting a tattoo”

“I swear people who have the most tattoos are the most pussy when it comes to injections” she laughed shaking her head. “What’s up though? You seem kind of down today?”

“I’m just a little tired” I replied, forcing a smile as I put some ten-pound weights on the bars.

“Oh, our eye candy isn’t here yet. He usually wakes you up, you seem to sweat a little harder on the days he’s here” she teased, referring to one of the trainers.

“Yeah, his smile sure does give me a little picker upper” I grinned, thinking of the last time he was here. He was training some girl who already had a perfect body, probably a model, and it was funny to watch him sweat as she kept bending over directly in front of him, obviously wanting a different kind of workout.

“Speak of the sexy little devil, here he comes now” she nodded towards the entrance.

“How are you ladies today?” he asked with a smile, locking eyes with me as he walked past us.

“Oh, we’re good now that you’re here” Katy winked and I could see his cheeks turn a little pink as he chuckled softly, but kept it moving.

“You are pitiful, leave that baby alone. I’m sure he gets enough of that from these tiny little 'models' he’s always training. I would be jumping at the chance to have him as a trainer too, if he were a decade older” I laughed. We worked out together for another half hour, people watching and laughing about the ones who were obviously here just to post it on social media.

After Katy left, I jogged three miles of my own, then hit the showers. I always felt ten times better after my workout, it put me in a singing mood. Today’s jam was ‘Girl on Fire’ by Alicia Keys.

“You have a beautiful voice” someone pointed out, scaring the shit outta me while I was digging for lotion in my locker. I thought I was the only one in the locker room.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you” he grinned at how hard I jumped.

“Boy, do you know I could’ve slapped the shit outta you” I replied, clutching my chest.

“Who’s to say I wouldn’t have enjoyed it?” he asked raising his eyebrow.

“Don’t do that” I ordered, pulling the rest of my things from my locker.

“What?” he asked confused.

“Don’t flirt with me. I’m old enough to be your mama, or at least ya damn auntie” I replied, and he burst into laughter.

“You’re hella gorgeous and funny. I like that”

“Thank you” I smiled as our eyes connected.

"That was a nice workout you did today, but when you're ready for the real deal, let Quincy know” he stated, patting his chest. “I can help you on your form" He licked his lips, then proceeded to undress me with his eyes, and that was my cue to leave.

“Enjoy the rest of your day Quincy, and try not to scare the shit outta anyone else” I called over my shoulder.

After the gym, I had a doctor’s appointment to rush to. I was beyond nervous because I was here for lab results. I came a few days ago for a routine pap smear, but ended up getting a lot of other testing done too. I was wondering if it was possible for me to get pregnant again, even though I wasn't planning on it anytime soon. It’s just something that’s been heavy on my heart, so I wanted answers.

My palms were sweaty and my stomach churned as I waited for the doctor to come in. I just felt bad news coming and it made me anxious.

"Hey Mrs. Fenty, how are you doing today?

"Nervous"

"Well I have the answers to your questions right here" he stated, flipping through a stack of papers.

He went over my lab results and hysteroscopy with me and broke everything down to simpler terms.

"So overall, you're healthy. Your uterus did sustain a lot of scar tissue from the previous injury, which dramatically lowers your chances of being able to carry a baby again"

"what does that mean?"

"you will probably have no problem getting pregnant, but it's not very likely you'll ever make it past the first trimester again. If you and your husband are considering kids, it may be better to use a surrogate"

"Oh no, I just wanted to know. I'm not married and I'm not trying to get pregnant, I just wanted to know where I stood"

"Well if you ever decide to go that route, let me know. I know a good doctor"

I was supposed to have dinner with Dre and his mom tonight, but after my appointment, I wasn't in the mood to slap on a fake smile. Dre reads through that shit instantly, which means I would have to explain why I was in a sour mood. So instead, I went home and drank a bottle of Chardonnay to myself. This is the closest you get to a pity party" I told myself as I rolled a blunt.

I took it easy the rest of the weekend. I just sat at home with Ollie and Pepe, watching TV and eating junk. When Monday morning came, I'd gotten all the pity out of my system and was ready to work off that extra 5 pounds I gained overnight.

"Good morning. Are you ready to work on that form?" Quincy greeted me bright and early with that big ass smile he always had. It was eerily quiet with only one other person working out this morning, but that didn’t make him any less jolly.

"As a matter of fact, I am" I replied, catching him off guard. Still, that didn't stop him from coming through with the good advice. We had a thirty-minute session, but when it was over, I was drenched in sweat.

I walked a couple of miles to cool down then took at quick shower so I could avoid rush hour on the way to work. John was a good driver, but no one stood a chance against rush hour traffic.

"Thanks for the pointers today" I smiled when Quincy walked in the locker room. “I really feel the burn”

"My pleasure" he smiled, licking his lips. I swear he was doing that shit on purpose.

“Do you mind helping me out with my necklace?" I asked, after it slipped through my fingers for the third time.

"Of course" he replied, taking it in his hand and putting it around my neck. "You smell really good"

"Thanks"

“No problem” he whispered so softly, that he made the hairs on the back of my neck stand and sent shivers down my spine. My body shook involuntarily causing me to bump into him and I accidentally felt his manhood.

“Oh my God. I’m sorry. That tickled and I got the chills, I’m so sorry” I apologized repeatedly. I was embarrassed, but more impressed than anything. He had basketball shorts on so I felt everything. I couldn’t believe it was rock hard and a nice size at that.

“Hey girl, I woke up late today and-” Katy immediately paused, feeling the tension in the air.

“It was good working with you today, let me know when you’re ready for more” Quincy winked, leaving me to face Katy’s curious expression, and adding even more to the flame with that wink.

Chris

“Wow. This is beautiful. What do you call it?” Tae asked, as soon as we entered my bedroom. She came to the city this weekend, for my art exhibition and couldn’t get enough. She wanted to see more, so I invited her over to see some of the things I painted in my new home.

“Monster. I painted this in one night. I couldn’t sleep, so I found myself painting with no end in mind, this was the finished product” I explained.

“You are really talented. Her eyes are so intense” she continued in awe. “And look at her lips”

“Look at your lips” I replied, licking my own, then leaning in and kissing hers. It was bold, but I could tell she wanted it, because she wasted no time slipping her tongue in my mouth.

“Damn” she grinned, after I pulled back. “That was unexpected”

“In a bad way or a good way?”

“In a great way, but I might as well tell you now. I’m celibate, so that’s about as far as you’re gonna get without a ring on my finger”

“Whoa, I wish you would’ve told me that sooner. Now I feel like I crossed the line, and I don’t want to disrespect you”

“No, that was nice. I just don’t want you getting any other ideas” she laughed playfully, as her phone began to vibrate. She took it out, replied to a text, and put it back in her pocket for the hundredth time today.

“You must be a popular lady” I teased.

“Wouldn’t you like to know” she replied, leaning in and kissing me this time.

“Naw, you can’t be doing stuff like that. That’s not fair” I quickly shook my head, as the alarm chimed, signaling that someone just came in the house.

I knew it wasn’t Anthony, he wasn’t supposed to be back for another few hours, so I jumped up and ran down the hall to find out who it was.

“Chris!" Mama called out as I jogged down the stairs.

"Hey mama, what's up? You always call before you come"

"I have something to tell you” she began, getting straight to the point.

“This must be some serious stuff for you to drive all the way over here” I chuckled.

“We need to sit down” she sighed walking to the living room and sitting on the sofa.

“You okay?” I asked and she nodded. “What’s going on mama? Don’t tell me I’m gonna have to beat Richard’s ass”

“What? No Chris” she rolled her eyes. “This is going to be a lot to process, and I’m sorry I never told you this before. I had a baby when you were six. I was going through a lot at the time, and I couldn’t handle another child, so I gave him up for adoption"

"Wow...wait. Why are you telling me now?"

"He showed up at my doorstep a couple of months ago. I thought the records were sealed, but he found me. We’ve been spending some time together, but he wanted to be sure about the paternity before taking our relationship any further, so we had a DNA test done and I got the results today. He's really my baby boy” she whispered, clutching the papers to her chest.

“Wow Ma. I don't even know what to say right now?” I stared at her, lost for words. “I’m surprised you could go all this time without telling me something like this”

"It’s not something I was proud of, you know. I didn't think about the possibility of him wanting to know me after all this time, and there were so many feelings surrounding my pregnancy, that I hoped to never have to explain, so I forced myself to live with my decision"

"What do you mean"

"He came out looking just like his dad, and I couldn't live with that at the time”

“Wait, you said ‘his’ dad, so that means...”

“Yes, you two have different fathers. Anyway, I told him he has a brother and he's been wanting to meet you. I thought it would be best if we knew the DNA results first, so now that they're here, I thought we could all have dinner tonight at my house”

“Of course, if I have a brother out there, I definitely want to meet him” I nodded adamantly.

“Sorry to interrupt, but I’m going to get going Chris” Tae announced.

“I’m so sorry, Tae. This is my mom, Joyce. Mama, this is Lashontae. She’s Lala’s maid of honor”

"You are gorgeous Lashontae” Mama complimented, shaking her hand. “Chris, you should’ve told me you have company.”

“Oh, it’s okay. I see you have family stuff going on, so I think I should go”

“Nonsense honey. I didn’t mean to interrupt what you two had going on. I’m going to get going, I have to get to the supermarket. I’ll see you later Chris” Mama smiled. “It was good to meet you Lashontae, you’re welcome to join us for dinner later” she added on her way out.

“Aww, you look so much like your mom, and she’s super sweet” Tae grinned.

“Thank you. You’re not leaving yet, are you?”

“Well, I kind of overheard your mom, I figured you might want some privacy, so I was going to head back to Lala’s.” Tae replied.

“Please stay and join us tonight. Mama can really cook, I promise you won’t be disappointed”

“I'm sure she can, I just don’t want to impose on something so private”

“Stop it. I want you to be there. It’s not like I can just come swoop you up whenever I want to chill with you, so I want to make the most of the time you do get to spend out here”

“Okay, under one circumstance”

“What’s that?” I asked, hoping it was reasonable.

“I want you to paint something for me” she smiled.

“I should’ve known” I smirked. She was legit a fan of mine and that alone turned me on. The fact that she was celibate also ignited a fire in me. Everything about her was too perfect, and I couldn’t believe luck was on my side with this one. She was beautiful with a banging body, had brains, and was successful in her career. I couldn’t help but wonder if she had any secrets in her closet, only time will tell.

#robyn rihanna fenty #riri #fanfic #fanfiction #ff #chris brown #breezy #Chrianna

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umberoff · 7 years

Text

HI HERE IS EVERY SAI BRUSH I OWN

sooo I tend to horde brushes, like, a lot. it’s been a slowly growing collection here, but now I’ve gotten to the point where I literally have next to no room and I desperately have to delete some. BUT I’m too paranoid of the fact that I’ll need one of them again some day. so I decided to dump ‘em all somewhere!

this is basically a reference for me in the future in case I need to remember That One Brush That Did A Thing that I may have deleted, but I figure I might as well also share them all since I’m saving them anyway and maybe someone will find something they like. you can take any of them if they interest you, and feel free to change ‘em as you see fit.

most of them aren’t mine, as I’ve basically always just swiped settings from a bunch of different places, so I have no idea where most of these came from. whoops!!

if you don’t have the texture/blotmap/whatever: I unfortunately don’t have a link to where I got all of mine, but most of them are here. if something’s missing, well, google’s your pal and I’m sure you can find ‘em.

anyway they’re under the cut. warning: there is. a lot. let’s go.

Brush

blotchy and neat. doesn’t blend much, but you can turn up “Blending” if you want it to. it’s pretty good for far away trees and bushes and all

Water

my usual blender, but I don’t really use it much anymore since I prefer manually blending nowadays?? still okay to smooth stuff out though

SpaceFoam

a really nice feelin’ brush!! I don’t even know what “space foam” means but it just ~feels~ it. just has this nice, dusty, foamy texture to it. I have another version of this brush that uses “Noise” instead of “Fine Flat 2″ if you want it more round instead of square.

Crayonz

used to be a general brush for sketching/doodling, but I don’t really use it much anymore. maybe you’ll like it.

Rough Chalk

super chunky, rough, and dry chalk brush

Speckle

self explanatory I guess! pretty good for texture or large skin blemishes

Chalk(Standard)

I really like this brush-- it’s great for making simple, blended backgrounds! keep in mind, because it’s a marker, changing its opacity works differently than other brushes, ie it doesn’t “layer”, it’s just a continuous tone

Badass Inker

OKAY I ACTUALLY DO KNOW WHERE THIS ONE IS FROM it’s here. mine is changed slightly but you figure out what you like. this was my main brush for lineart before I started inking in firealpaca. very sharp and crisp.

Marker

yep

RoughBrush

PKbrush

PKblotch

usually used it for a light, textured swash of color for an overlay layer or something. it’s supposed to be a big brush, but you can have it smaller I guess??

Acrylic

except it doesn’t really resemble acrylic at all, lol. in this state I use it as one of my blenders. BUT ALSO FUN THING: set that “normal” dropdown to multiply to get a subtle darkening effect. sometimes I use this for “lineart” in paintings.

Deliciously Dry

another brush from here. very nice rough texture.

Broken Chalk

I looove this weird little guy, lol. acts normal if you just go in a line, but it’ll get all “blocky” like that if you jitter your hand. because of this, it makes a pretty interesting leaf brush! it blends pretty cool, too.

BoneDry

aaaand ANOTHER from here.

Chalk

Chalk (... again)

Grass

it’s called grass but I honestly can’t imagine using it as a grass brush, lmao. stringy and soft though, may work as the flats for hair??

Clouds

this brush is...... kinda weird?? I mean, it’s clouds I guess. it’s not really perfect, but it’ll work if you spend enough time on it. I feel like it works better painting on the same layer than its own.

Gore

this brush is awfully light and soft for something called “gore”! actually I assume it’s called that cuz you use it as a patchy effect for wounds and stuff.

CG Smooth

named so because I think it’s supposed to resemble a brush used for very smooth, glossy, cg painting. (please excuse the shitty nose, I’m way rusty)

Paint

do you know how many random generic paint brushes I have

Paint 2

cuz it’s a lot

Paint 3

a loooootttt

Parrot

I’m weirdly fond of this one even though it’s not super special. I feel like it’d be good for smooth, bright, poppy blending.

Tint

this is another weird one. it’s like..... if you wanted to do a painty wash, I guess?

Chunky

like Broken Chalk above, this is another one that gets cool things when you jitter it. this one is a little more... jagged? reminds me of broken glass

CLead

this one works weiiirdly and maybe I should make a whole separate post about it?? well for now, this one’s basically like a dry marker or highlighter or something. I like it a lot.

PSPainting

I think it’s called that cuz it’s supposed to emulate painting in photoshop, even though it...... doesn’t, really, at all.

Copic 2

Water 10

another random blender. it doesn’t work on transparent areas though! (bring its dilution down if you want it to)

Copic

I have no idea if this is even remotely close to how a copic works (probably not)

TraditionalPencil

I’m never really 100% satisfied with most “pencil” brushes in sai, but here’s one anyway I guess.

Lead

and here’s another. this is the one that I actually tend to use

Acrylic (....... again)

and like our first acrylic, this is not really acrylic at all. super soft and light blender

BrushPen

SUPER rough and textured pen kinda thing

AmazingAcrylic

if you say so, name! actually this does look like it blends p cool

RIPbrush

why is it called this. what am I even doing with half these brushes. why am I here.

NEBULA

oh wait this one’s neat (neat enough to make two images even). good for all your spacey needs! the second one is a bunch of colors and set to “luminosity”, so you can get some cool effects.

shrugs (great name)

the marker tool is a strange being but I’ve really learned to love it lately. the key to this brush is setting that drop down up there to “multiply”, so you can get really deep darks with your base color where you need it. the downside to this being that you can’t really use preserve opacity to change it to a different color or you’ll lose the effect of those darks (you can use hue/saturation/brightness shift tho, but it might be a lil weird)

aaaand everything else I didn’t post were accidental duplicates! so that’s it!! that sure was a lot but maybe you found something in here you liked ;0

#paint tool sai #sai brushes #sai brush settings #is that enough?? lol

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salamispots · 4 years

Text

Hullo anon, and thanks very much! : ] The color sketches are spitpaints! There’s a group on Facebook called Daily Spitpaints where they post daily topics and you basically pick a topic and draw something in 30 minutes based off that topic. I don’t do them everyday haha (more like every other day?); there’s days where the topics don’t really interest me so I skip them. On the days where I do do them I try aim for at least two or three mainly so I can post stuff for yall on sundays haha. Tbh even if it’s a little bit of time to draw for yourself that’s progress :0 I know some people say draw every day for a certain amount of time but I’m definitely not one of those people haha so I think it’s more of figuring out what works for you and also not putting pressure on yourself (idk when I had the ‘oh no I have to draw something today’ thinking it ended up putting more stress and made me not want to do any art). Unless you were talking about more of time constraints and less of of what I word barfed above hahaha in which case again maybe a little bit of time like 5-15 mins of doodling for yourself while you’re watching a show or something can help getting into the habit? huahah hope that was helpful on some level anon

SO I actually have an ipad 6th generation (no cellular, 128GB, 9.7 in) because expensive hahah and after talking to other friends who got the same one; I got mine off of ebay for $325 w/shipping (the seller was chill to lower the price a little when I sent them a counter offer message) but then you gotta add in the apple pencil and if you get a case plus a screen protector. I use it for all the linework stuff and sometimes sketchy things; coloring and painty stuff are still on photoshop. It’s definitely worth it for me haha; still like photoshop way more in terms of painting plus they have the lasso tool which is kinda a must for me haha, but if you’re looking to get an iPad I guess it’s more of what your budget is? like if you have enough for a spankin’ new one then nice :0 but if not looking at older models is an option; I know Bestbuy for a while would have sales where they sold the 6th generation for $299, not sure if those are still happening. So I guess keep in mind size, how many gigs, if you want cellular or not, if you’re cool with one that’s refurbished or new or used, and model/make? hope that was a little helpful anon!

@alex--lies oh thank you! :0 and if you’re talking about for this year got a bit of art anxiety/frustration hence the style skipping all over the place (and now I’m just viewing this year’s mermay as more experimental/do-whatever-I-want haha). If you’re talking about in general hmm I like trying to do something different each year? Or at least change or alternate styles every mermay.

#technically this year's mermay was supposed to be a painty style but uhhh that's postponed to next year haha #also me getting an ipad has made drawing in line art style a LOT more convenient/fun haha #saturday asks #art asks #sweet potatoes #wAOW I talked a heckin lot today hhhjffd #come back later for a merm #wanna squeeze one in before tomorrow if not it's on monday

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furvillaconfessions · 7 years

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This got TL;DR, I apologize

I was really looking forward to the OD event, but I can barely muster up the energy to bother participating. I recently joined Flight Rising and playing that game opened my eyes to some of the problems of FV.

FR doesn't have a huge amount of stuff to do when you actually break down each of the features, but what that site does well is creating staying power.

If you want to create a perfect dragon, you're likely going to need to spend a fair amount of time and effort. Whether it be breeding for perfect colors or spending time earning treasure to buy scrolls. You could buy a bunch of gems and do the pay to win thing, it's true, but most people I see seem to avoid doing that, and enjoy the challenge.

Furvilla lacks this, all you need to do is make/buy a paintie, upload it and wait. That's it, outside of the effort of drawing, it doesn't take much.

FR has a really nicely designed coliseum - it's aesthetically pleasing but more than that, while it can get boring to grind, there's useful drops to potentially get. Eggs, skins, familiars, clothing ...

FV's battle area? A bunch of crafting material, sometimes animals if there's an event going on. Maybe a piece of equipment if you're lucky.

And those crafting materials? Even when you get enough, the skill of your blacksmith/crafters/whatever doesn't matter since the percentage is randomized. So why bother? This is why I can grind for ages in FR but basically ignore the warrior career in FV.

What kills me is that FV had the potential to be so interesting. But lack of care has created this site and honestly? I'm not even sure if it can be saved. FR certainly isn't perfect - it's been around for years and still the site is full of bugs and such, and in the interest of being fair to FV - it has been around longer. But FV's design choices seem so ill thought out, it's almost like they're created to be annoying.

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jarofloosescrews · 7 years

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I'm sorry if this has been asked before, but what program(s) do you use to make your art? I use Photoshop, so if you have any tips for using it (or even about digital art-ing in general), that would be great (I'm always learning!). I love your blog by the way. :)

Hey. I use Manga Studio to draw in (or Clip Studio Paint as it’s now called) and sometimes Photoshop to color. I paid for Manga Studio, but some good free programs are Paint Tool Sai, Open Canvas and Media Bang Paint. I really recommend Sai, but unfortunately it’s a hassle to get it on Mac if you have that.

Hmm, Photoshop has so many features, I’m still learning all the new stuff myself. I used to use Photoshop 7 most of my drawing life, so there’s new features/tools for me to check out still. I’m going through a digital art slump atm, I feel like any advice I give might be lame and useless. I guess I can say, find some good drawing brushes to download for Photoshop, the default aren’t very nice, IMO, which is why I don’t lineart in in. You can find free ones easy enough if you haven’t already ; )

I really enjoy coloring in Photoshop (when I could, I swear the ability has fled me orz) sooo... any tips I can think to offer would be to utilize the hard and soft settings for any given brush. I used a single brush to blend for one of my commissions and just switched between soft and hard settings to get some nice painty effects. Also make use of the opacity and flow settings *thumbsup* I can sometimes blend with opacity as low as 15% and then ramp it up to 80%. Try it out, practise is always ongoing, I need to practise myself : )

I hope this is useful, and if you have any specific questions lemme know, I’ll do my best to answer. Thanks!

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theboffin27 · 6 years

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7, 17, 18, 26, 36 :)

I have no idea which ask this is for so I’m gonna go with the really positive one. Ta anyway XD

7. Best Friends - Some people get annoyed when I answer this cos they think I’m listing ‘close’ friends and don’t think you can have more than 1 best friend. They are silly people. I love all of my friends who are on tumblr very much and would include them lot in my list of besties. I would say my brother is too (if he was ever around).

17. What do you love? - MANY THINGS. My friends very much, rain (the song and the weather), playing music and being sat on my bed painting. I would love to not be ill though, being ill sucks so much.

18. Obsession? - I can’t think of any huge obsessions I currently have... I’ve gotten into watching acrylic pour videos on YouTube, gonna try to make one myself when I have time and money. All the usual obsessions are still there, Mika, The Crookes, dodie, Gotham, RPDR, DGHDA and all the other stuff.

26. Best thing that has ever happened to you? - I have no clue, realistically it’s probably something I can’t remember. Being hugged twice by dodie is probably best or close to best, getting a dog was good, getting my current friends was nice even if it’s not always great. It might be something small, like just having a really nice day or someone just being especially nice to me... I really don’t know, it’s hard to label a single moment as ‘The Best’. (that was probably a more waffly answer than you were expecting, sorry!)

36. Any bad habits? - Fuck yeah, I have tons of bad habits how long of a list do you want??? My main sorta common ones are nail biting (I blame Mr Dring, giant nail clippers still haunt me), never putting clean clothes away (the bag they stay in is currently overflowing but oddly I have no outfits to wear) and forgetting to put tissues in the bin, most of them end up there it’s generally painty ones that don’t.

Thanks for the ask, I hope I answered the right set of questions :)

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effywild · 7 years

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Welcome to this week’s edition of Friday Five! Five things that are rocking my poptarts! Good things. Moving things. Things that restore my faith in humanity, or my faith in myself. Artsy things! Nerdy things! ALL THE LOVELY THINGS!* If you’d like to get my blog in your inbox, click here. If you’d rather just get my weekly newsletter (with a round up of my blog posts included in link form + subscriber perks, including discounts), click here.

The links I share in these posts are not affiliate links unless otherwise noted with an asterisk*.

Thing One

You may have noticed that there was no Friday Five last week. I had a very good reason for that, though, so read on!

Every year, for about ten years now, I’ve done my best to make it out to at least one festival of the ‘revel fire ’till dawn’ kind. This year, I had planned on going to Wic-Can Fest for the weekend, and I was really excited about it because I haven’t had any time off of the ‘away from home’ variety since last October.

Well, on Monday, I wrote to the organizer to confirm what I’d need to pay for the weekend, and she wrote back to ask me to come in for the entire duration, since she needed someone to help with registration. BOOYAH!

So, off I went for four glorious nights, and five glorious days in the best weather we’ve seen in Southwestern Ontario so far this year! I danced. I feasted. I imbibed. I indulged in adornment (henna, y’all. I love the stuff). I bought a few festive things to wear. I listened to live music every night. I got wickedly sunburned, and then discovered the wonders of cannabis cream. I communed with the oaks. I shook my ta tas at the fire. My bestie came up on Saturday, and we spent the day and night quietly enjoying one another’s (platonic, but precious) company.

A friend asked me why I love pagan festivals so much, and I declared that for years, as a spiritual lone wolf, I’d lost and missed the communal things – the feasts, the raising of voices in song, the revel fires, the long talks into the night, the beauty of ritual, the ways we mark our milestones, and pagan festivals give those things back to me, and then some. Having gone to this particular festival for nigh on a decade now, it feels, every single time, like a family reunion.

Wic-Can Fest and Harvest Fest aren’t the ‘biggest’ festivals in Southwestern Ontario, but they are my favourite. I always meet someone new while surrounded by the comfort of the familiar. I watch children grow up, and beloved friends grow older, year after year.

I don’t have a blood family to speak of, except for those blood kin that issued forth from my body, so this is as close as I ever get to that familial feeling.

I love it, y’all. Love it. And I love the people that inhabit this gorgeous home away from home that I get to revisit year after year.

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Sunset on Wednesday

The moon rise

My cosy little bunk

My cabin in the trees

Thing Two

Lately, when I post a piece of art I’ve finished, I often hear things like “I want a print of that” or “Can I buy that?” or “That would look great as an <insert thing with my art on it here>”. So, voila.

Yup! I’m on Society6, y’all! Someone already has a bathmat winging its way toward them as I type! Check it out here, and thank you for your support! ❤

Thing Three

I finished this lesson for Book Of Days in the nick of time to wing my way off to Wic-Can fest. She is glorious, no? I created her to express what best nourishes me – earth & fire. She’s a kind of an homage to Klimt & Modigliani – two of my favourite artists.

I know we’re half way through the year, but that really shouldn’t stop you from joining me in Book Of Days 2017! You get indefinite access (so, like, as long as I’m alive and teaching), so you can take your time. You won’t want to, though. You’ll want to dive in and do ALL THE THINGS, but it will be nice to know you don’t have to. Content is also downloadable so if you’d love a mixed media art buffet just waiting for you to gorge on, I’m your huckleberry.

Click here for details. (ON SALE NOW)

Thing Four

Since my return home this past Monday, I’ve pretty much barricade myself into my studio. As much as I enjoyed the time away from work, I really missed my painty table and my ridiculously large array of supplies. I started a background on Monday, and finished it yesterday. Then, I sketched one of the elongated faces I’ve been loving lately. I’m thinking about merging the two into a complete spread later today, if time permits. If not, maybe tomorrow.

Look at her little face! I posted her with the caption “I wonder what she’s thinking” and someone suggested she’d lost her under eye concealer. *Giggles* I loved that comment so much!

Thing Five

I finished the last details for my lesson for Art Journal Summer School, which begins on July 1st! Here’s a sneaky peek of the PDF. This collection of very quick tutorials will keep you creating all summer long!

My contribution includes a DIY watercolour travel palette, and a postcard project that made me wish *I* was traveling abroad this year, and you know that says something because, unless we’re talking about a festival that’s just an hour and a half up the road, I do not travel well. Still, even though I’m not traveling abroad, this project can be adapted to the staycation with ease.

I hope you join me, since it’s going to be super fun, and I’ve come to really value the benefit of quick tutorials that get me creating in 20 mins or less.

Want something more in depth and full on? Try Ever After 2017.

I guarantee you will be enchanted by the lessons in painting fairy tales AND developing your own style. I will be working with the tale of Baba Yaga as told in Clarissa Pinkola Estes’s book “Women Who Run With The Wolves”. In this two for one portrait lesson, we will create a blind contour painting of our inner wise old hag (we’ve all got one) and more composed portrait of our inner princess (we’ve all got one of those as well.). See you there!

And that’s it for this week’s edition of Friday Five! I hope you enjoyed this peek into what’s delighting & inspiring me this week. Have a beautiful weekend and I’ll see you back here soon. ❤

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Friday Five – Festing, Society6, and These Delicious Elongated Faces. Welcome to this week’s edition of Friday Five! Five things that are rocking my poptarts! Good things.

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