#was too 'scared' to try new things | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wp100 · 10 months

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beat it almost has 1 billion views. that song deserves it

#im a big MJ fan but that song is still in my top 5 ngl #i have so many memories associated with that song #and the music video #god i miss being a kid playing HIStory disc 1 on repeat on itunes #i would skip billie jean intentionally to increase the listen count lmfao #like id put it on repeat and 'skip' it... restarting the song ofc #i didnt listen to remember the time tho and the girl is mine. what was i thinking as a kid #i just listened to what i already knew and liked #was too 'scared' to try new things

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obsob · 8 months

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i am a being capable of immeasurable love and whimsy

#and also. am a ilittlel kitty :3 #mine #cats #brain empy. felt tip cats ONLY #we were promised snow today n then they decided actually :) rain all day for u #i bought new wool for a cardigan today im SO excited its gna be so colourful #i was going to do some sort of Thing on the back like a heart or something but im still too scared to do colour changing stuff #maybe....maybe next time #i think i will try a patter w like. an actual grid with it first rather than just rawdog it #bc i . do not know what im doing :3

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floccinaucinihilipilificationa · 1 year

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Hello may 31th anon! Look at that, another year behind us and a new one to come. Have a nice day! ₍՞◌′ᵕ‵ू◌₎♡

#may 31th anon #hello friends!! (｡’▽’｡)♡ how are you!! I missed you so much!#I'm sorry that once again i have not been posting but I did that thing again where I got scared of posting #I do not know why but it is the same with physical paper diarys #I have 3 diarys and they all have 1 entry #I think one just says 'I am ten'#what have you been up to!! did you do something fun? is it summer too where you live? c:#my tumblr messages seem to be broken! I'm sorry if you wrote something :C it just says 'no new messages' despite also saying new messages #not a lot has happened here! I got a tomato plant and then I got very invested into the tomato plant and I have eaten three tomatos so far (#my roses are also doing well!! I just got a new yellow rose and since she got here she only made orange flowers #I do not know the meaning of that #but I am very thankful! ( ˊᵕˋ )♡ I love it when things are orange!!#I've been trying to buy an orange shirt for the past 2 weeks but they always sell out before I get to them #I'm also thinking about buying a jean jacket #I have not worn a jean jacket for at least 15 years because one time in 7th grade tthe girl behind me said #that I was wearing a cool jean jacket and I just assumed that this was bullying for no actual reason #but maybe she just thought that it was an acutal cool jean jacket #we'll soon have out 10 year school reunion #maybe I should ask her #is anyone else going to a secret Sherlock phase again #I just want to see that silly little hat again #would sherlock holmes wear a jean jacket #have a nice day everyone!!#see you soon hopefully!!#♡＾▽＾♡

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inumbrapugnabimus-maybe · 2 months

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This is super long and sorta a mess but here is an art process video :D

the art is here

#My art #lu warriors #linked universe #goodness gracious #you can see all the experiments I made here #I was trying something new lol #If I was better at video editing I’d like #Compress the boring moments or smth #But alas I’m not really tech savvy :(#I’m mentally adding this one to the “Evie posts random things at 2 am” part of this blog even tho I’m scheduling it till later #Bc wide awake me would be too scared to post a 5 min long art process video #But hey someone’s gotta do it #My favorite part of this is when I airbrush reddish brown all over warriors’ face and it looks horrifying #Even though that was what ended up pulling it all together

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tenwhiteandalusians · 2 months

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so no one was going to tell me if i got literally one episode further tenax drops that he’s the one who saved scorpus from his mom’s pimp AND that he’s intimately familiar with scorpus’ dick when he was younger. guys. guys.

#thinking about an INSANE divorce fic. as a follow-up to the 30k canon-compliant backstory i have not written #(really it could be an au of that because like. am i sentimental and would i want them to get emotionally divorced NO but i will get into #the variants of this later i have to tell you about them ACTUALLY divorced first before i get into the hot divorcee energy of it all)#where they fucked around when they were younger and then broke up because. yeah tenax can dream but scorpus needs certainty he is what he #is he wants attention and dignity and when blue offers for him he goes and we don’t need to know what the massive fight was but we DO need #to know that they stopped fucking and maybe they stopped talking too but now they’re Colleagues. putting the ‘because i can’ moment #into a WHOLE different light bc it’s very much a ‘you no longer have a say in who I get to fuck because it’s not YOU. because we’re not’#and thus we get an exes-to-lovers arc I still know you the best and yes I SEE the scorpus xenon andria potential & once again I am saying:#put that in a box we can’t talk about that right now I see it but that’s not what we’re here for. anyway I was TRYING to say the ‘I know u #best of anyone’ of it all and if you think I have stopped thinking about tenax goading scorpus & talking about his dick for a single second #I have not. I REALLY have not because that is top tier blatant manipulation to be like ohhhh poor baby you’re so old and rotting I can just #get a new chariot driver I don’t even really want you anyway 😇 and scorpus KNOWS It’s bait however. he’s gotta get his attention back.#anyway they are ugly divorced and it’s very slow burn but I know exactly how you taste & what buttons to press & how to grip your shoulders #in an argument until they fuck nasty on all of their riches or however this thing ends. not well for anyone but I WILL be getting them back #together. the other fun little big divorced energy thoughts i had were very much ‘divorced and arguing but it’s foreplay to threaten to #leave each other’ so they can have hot aggressive mean sex because they get off on arguing with each other. everybody in the stables starts #to see them arguing about chariot design & the brothers are scared they’re gonna kill each other & then suddenly scorpus is tongue-fucking #Tenax’s throat with a fist still in his hair and tenax has a hand pinning him back against the post by the throat and that’s all they see #before everybody clears the FUCK out. this is a regular occurrence at all times in all arguments it’s so fun I love the dynamic #OHHHH AND IT’S AN OUTSIDER POV FIC i said the brothers really i meant elia but also now that i say that. could be a fun five + 1 of #everyone watching them threaten to kill each other and then y’know. la petit mort. ALSO i know i see the calla/tenax too we can’t talk abt #that put it in the box with the chariot drivers we can have one (1) thing at a time. the calla note is because i want a calla pov of them #where she’s just like ‘freaks. right in front of my salad?’ and does not give a fuck at all. top tier. anyway. andria/elia/calla/domitian #(Domitian seeing them petition him would be so fun because he wants to puppet master everything he’d want to know SO BAD.) the 5th one idk #because I don’t have any idea about the third brother yet but maybe Tenax catching scorpus in a brothel again? and the +1 is their POV ofc.#(anyway for myself: the vibes i want here are geno/anna cat and mouse follow/unfollow divorce and win her back rumors)#scorpus/tenax #those about to die #scorpus #tenax

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puppyeared · 11 months

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if escape rooms as team building exercises became popular im not sure if id be more excited or terrified

#if it isnt already anyway.. i can see it happening as a school frosh thing. idk if it would catch on as a workplace thing #i kind of find the concept of being locked in with strangers and working to find a way out weirdly exhilarating though #at least compared to icebreakers cause i dont have to spend 10 minutes racking my brain for something to blurt out abt myself #as a bonus u could like. put people into groups and give prizes to whoever escapes first second third etc. apparently they also do themed #escape rooms.. maybe let people pick a theme? or voluntary sign up? actually this would be really fun for smth like a blind friend date #although if i found out i was locked in a room with an online friend id be too excited to actually escape LOL #ive never done an escape room before so sadly i cant speak from experience. its like up there on things i want to try next to rug tufting #workshop and visiting new art exhibits or conventions. i seriously need to get out more if it wasnt for the horrors <- school and anxiety #i was planning to invite cass to a drop-in art workshop in town but neither of us could go bc typography is making us go thru hell and back #AND THEY HAD A BUTTON MACHINE TOO #im nostalgic bc i miss working in groups and not being awkward abt it or worrying abt schedule conflicts #i realized that i learn best in groups and its a little corny but i like sharing ideas and talking through a problem #in elementary i could just sit down with friends for review and come out of it energized *and* more familiar with the material #and i could technically still do it now. but as adults we're more picky abt who we work with on top of being way more busy outside school #maybe im lonely. im shy and grew up not talking to ppl unless i absolutely have to so its hard to make friends on my own i guess #only thing getting me thru it is telling myself that humans like helping and that my cringe is overblown in my head. but its hard #hence the escape rooms. i have been able to talk to 2(!!) people though!! mostly abt school stuff but im glad to be on friendly terms #i dont really know how to be happy these days cause im constantly scaring myself abt my portfolio and finding places to work #not being ambitious is part of not wanting to put energy into something that wont work out while also not having the passion to do literall #anything else.. i should probably talk to my counsellor ugh #yapping

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sharkneto · 2 months

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Hey, sorry if this is a bit of a personal question - and feel free to ignore it if it is - but how did you know you wanted to start hrt? I am someone who IDs as transmasc and knows in an ideal world, I would've loved to have been born a guy. But the idea of going on hormones is terrifying because I can't figure out if I really want it... I worry about regretting it, or it making me 'unappealing' physically, or my friends judging me for it. Did you ever struggle with similar worries?

I think every person thinking about and starting HRT goes through this. A rite of passage, if you will, and also not a bad thing to do. HRT is a big step, some of the changes (especially on T) are irreversible. It's good to think through if it's a choice that's right for you or not.

That said, it's also Just A Thing You Can Do. I first started really questioning my gender at the end of 2020 (thank you, Elliot Page, for coming out and making me go "oh shit, you can do that?"). I got a therapist to talk about gender... Mid 2022? And started hormones spring 2023, top surgery a year later.

Before getting the therapist, I spent over a year Just Thinking About It. And a lot of the thoughts were around the changes on T and if I'd like them or not or if I'd regret them. If I'd be ugly, after being conventionally attractive as a woman.

It hits a point, though, where eventually you have to pull the plug one way or another. I spent a lot of time thinking about how my body would change on T. A Lot. With longing. I caught myself putting things off Until I Knew For Sure and because I didn't want to do it while being perceived as a woman. I was sitting, treading water for a hypothetical Later that I could start moving towards at any time. I was scared for the Teenage Round 2 phase, and didn't want to spend months being "ugly and awkward", but then the months passed anyway and I was still in the same spot.

HRT isn't an all-or-nothing thing, you can ease into it on a low dose. My doctor started me on a low dose and we ramped up over months. Some T changes can start pretty quickly (voice dropping, bottom growth - this isn't true for everyone, but was true for me). If these changes excite you, make you feel good - great! Keep going! If they scare you, feel wrong - stop. Assess. Figure out what about it isn't right (a gender therapist for all of this process is a Huge Help). In early days if you stop T, the changes can revert, for the most part. But you can always stop at any time.

The bigger thing I actively worked to wrap my head around before starting HRT is - Who Cares If You're Wrong? What's right for you now might not be right for you later. The idea of detransitioning was scary to me, society has such a weird spotlight on it, the Right uses people who have detransitioned as props against transition. But it shouldn't matter. At the end of the day, if I do change my mind, I'll know myself better, and I don't think it's wrong to chase and find comfort in your own body.

A year+ on T, I've mostly made it through the ugly duck phase, I think. I was lucky, I didn't get bad acne or get too oily or anything (after having horrible acne in my first puberty). Most of what I dealt with was the chronic baby face, where I was getting read as male but a teenager - I'm almost 30 and a woman wanted to card me over a free T-shirt at a baseball game because it had beer logos on it. After some middle months of changes and going "oh my god what am I doing" and not feeling confident in how this was all going to turn out, I think of myself as relatively attractive and I think I'm just going to get more vain as my beard comes in. Some of that is physical, sure, but I think a significant amount of that is me feeling more confident in myself and liking the body I'm in more. I was never a selfie or picture person, now I am. I joke I'm like a budgie, always looking at myself if there's a reflective surface nearby. I'm more excited to exercise, I'm interested in lifting weights for the first time, I'm curious what my body on T can do and become. Keep your eyes on the pieces that are going well, the changes exciting you, and let the rest catch up.

My social circle helped a lot. I'm very lucky and blessed to have great friends and family, all of whom are supportive. If you don't have friends who are supportive of you, that are judging you for exploring yourself rather than lifting you up for it, it's a sign to expand the social circle and find ones that are. Family is harder, but that's a thing you have to navigate for yourself and find your own boundaries for.

So, there's no ~one moment~ where you're 100% certain that medical transition is right for you. It's a huge unknown and you're changing the body you've had your entire life. At some point, though, you just have to jump and see how it lands. Part of being alive is making mistakes and doing things you might regret.

That said, the regret rate for trans people is something like 3%. The regret rate for knee surgery is something like 20%. Trust yourself.

#my two favorite posts I've seen online that helped with my transition #are the one that said ''the time will pass anyway'' in response to learning a new skill and being bad at it in the beginning #and a response to the question ''how did you know you were trans?'' of ''i thought about it''#because i didn think about it! a lot! a lot a lot!#and the time does pass anyway #the cliche advice is ''cis people dont think about this stuff'' and its true #or if they do they conclude they're good where they're at and how they identify rather than twisting themselves in knots over being sure #only you can decide if you're ready to take the plunge and try hrt #i do recommend getting a therapist to talk it through with #especially the social side of transition because that is scary #even if you have people you know will accept and support you it still puts you in a very vulnerable postion and it takes courage #the therapist also helped me talk through a lot of my fears about if i was ugly on the other side of transition #and the answer to all the social fears is always ''it won't matter to the right people''#i already had the right people around me but if you don't you can find your right people #a thing i reminded myself a lot too is to give people a chance #to keep ourselves safe we assume the worst so we can brace ourselves for it - that we will not be accepted and will have to defend ourselve #but i kep reminding myself it was not fair to assume the worst of people - especially certain family members #so its good to prepare yourself for the worst - but you also have to give people a chance to surprise you #i was So Scared of telling my aunt and and grandma. they were the last people i told because i was so afraid #but i did and they were nothing but supportive #they don't get it. we aren't going to talk about it. but we dont need to - they're doing their best and i am loved #good luck on however you choose to do things and find your happiness #hrt #gender #ask response #boy stuff

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nerosdayinanime · 1 year

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sabito = dirtbike redneck. you cant convince me otherwise

#fratboy sabito posting #sabito #kny sabito #idk #was suddenly hit w the realization that i think him being a countryboy/redneck kinda crazy is *hot*#[head in hands knees on the floor folded in despair]#i know im southern but this wasnt supposed to happen. it wasnt supposed to be this way. what the fuck man.#sabito & giyuu keep makin me Into shit!! what the fuck!!#i wanna draw him doing wheelies and flips off dirt ramps. doughnuts. taking off his helmet n having dumb lil marks from it.#trying and failing to convince giyuu to drive a dirtbike & instead him getting on a 4wheeler #sab & makomo bullying him for being scared of dirtbikes but not the literal Twice As Big 4wheeler #idk. sabito just seems like a biker in general to me. dirtbikes just got the most 'will do bat shit insane stuff for funsies' vibe to em #all of them are a bit crazy but dirtbikes are Scary crazy. bmx bike tricks but it has a fucking MOTOR why are you doing 20ft leaps and flip #off cliffs what the fuck.#i can see sabito being a little deranged when he gets excited. normal when hes chill but as soon as he sees somethn fun all #sense goes out the window. he needs to be child harnessed to keep him from throwing himself off a wall like 'i could totally make that jump #on one hand giyuu gets life experiences and exposure to making new friends- on the other he has to stop sabito from being #the equivalent of a human lemming trying to throw itself into the hands of death at every waking moment #sabito in turn keeps giyuu from being too boring or being a scardy cat abt things. he also learns the art of 'quiet time' and 'how to Chill #honorable mention of my vague raspy voice sabito hc #kinda slight but v obvious when he raises his voice or yells #i think the sabito brainrot is actually overtaking the giyuu brainrot now. oh no #hes fictional²!! none of this shit [motions to my blog] is canon to him #thasa whole 'nother bitch!! i declare this brainrot Unfounded #wont stop me tho. 'm havin fun

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moe-broey · 3 days

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Now see him (closer to) Canon style.

With some. Fucking Shapes....

He really is. So. So designed. And I fucking hate. HATE. How it All Fucking Works, Actually. But at what cost.... (my sanity.)

Things I go back and forth on:

Drawing the individual scales on his chainmail. It DOES look better if you go out of your way to do that. But for me it really just depends on the vibe of the piece (like this more serious endeavor I'm gonna draw each, but for quick sketches/shitposts I just do the wave. Equivalent of drawing a seagull like -> m )

Things I modify: Almost fucking everything. Next

Things I never include (and why):

> Hhow... Hhhow do you have That Many Belts.... SIR......... (don't even get me started on how that strap across his chest doesn't even wrap fully around like a shoulder bag DO NOT GET ME FUCKING STARTED.....)

> The gorget. The neck guard thing. It just makes posing a pain in the ass. You wouldn't think so, maybe. But for me the collar bone is huge in trying to get a sense for where everything should be! From posing to perspective even!!!

> The thigh armor. We've been over this. This is the entire reason we're here. I need to kill him.

> You CANNOT make me draw his fucking crown WITH his stupid fucking hair AND the very specific wavy way I draw it YOU CAN'T MAKE ME. YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME. Everyone else who does this and have found ways around it/to implement it into their work ARE FAR STRONGER THAN ME. I'LL THROW UP. AND CRY‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

Things I fuck up and forget on a regular basis: A lot.

#fe alfonse #the unfortunate thing is that i've already inked a bunch so like. eg i fucked up his angel wing neckpiece i think but it's too late now!#also just. this type of shit really makes me doubt myself as an artist like.. ohh okay. so i really am just a hobbiest w no formal educatio #like i'm certain there's some sort of theory and a shit load of revisions that go into every chara design ever.#i also just am scared of like. doing that phenomenon where an artist inexplicably gets 'worse'. over time.#like idk how to say it esp cause i don't wanna be mean... esp bc art is so subjective too #and sometimes the Point is to have 'ugly' art. entirely depends on what you're trying to achieve here #but i'm talking about how like. unintentionally seemingly. the artist just starts making Choices #that start to just... make their old work look like it should be their new stuff. to put it gently.#IDKKKKK MAYBE I'M JUST BEING VAIN AND STUCK UP.........#but let it be known i am ALWAYS. worried about one million things 🫡#my art #i wwas... supposed to be working on my comic........

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pardonmydelays · 25 days

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i also think it's kinda cool how tyler makes me want to learn stuff