#i didnt listen to remember the time tho and the girl is mine. what was i thinking as a kid

[wp100]

beat it almost has 1 billion views. that song deserves it

[extranenas]

Mbappe imagine where he confesses his feelings for you

no lies

pairing: kylian mbappe x reader

genre: fluff

plot: that damn guy who youve been crushing since childhood wont just… go away! 16 years and still no confession. maybe your other friends can do it?

extra: set around the 2018 world cup cus i want that sweet teenager love😔😔😔 very rushed and bad tho negl this not my best work LMAOOOO😭😭

masterlist

you sat on your bed- mindlessly scrolling through instagram while waiting for friends to come. of course they came over- they always do. today was special though. real special.

real special till you heard loud knocking- immediately getting up and running to open it.

“sadie…! and whos this?”

“___! i brought the food- youre ready right? oh yea and this liliana. shes gonna help me.”

“ok- come on come on!”

you three both ran in and immediately sat down on the pink rug that your parents living room donned. immediately leaning in and getting into the “zone.”

“so how do you know he likes you? he can just be overly friendly ___ you cant-”

“just hear me out sadie! look ive known him since i was 2 ok? and like maybe he thinks of me as a sister but listen! ever since that world cup hes like- hes been hinting!”

“hinting how ___?”

“hinting! uhm- like he would yknow… hes giving me his clothes to wear… wants to hang out more… he said im his type! like he… we jokingly argue but like he still comple-”

“the actual hints honey. what are they?”

“well… i remember one time during like… a get together i wore the wrong shoes and he gave me his… another time was like- he said he wanted to talk to me more but he couldnt and- sadie just help me stop asking!”

“ok! what you can do is like send a voice message and be like ‘i like you kylian- be my boyfriend?’”

“im not doing that sadie.”

“well be straightforward! guys like that.”

“but hes not any guy! hes kylian.”

“ok whatever. give me your phone.”

“what are you gonna do?”

“just give it to me ___!”

it was about an hour since sadie and liliana took your phone. they kept texting rapidly and whispering until sighing.

“he thinks your cute but thats it ___.”

“or maybe hes lying?” liliana said.

you looked at them two with a puzzled expression.

“you lied and said you two stole my phone?”

“well it worked didnt it?” liliana.

“but all he said is that he liked me lil. nothing else.”

“just wait ___. the time will come.”

and the time did come.

it was now nighttime and you checked your phone nonstop for a response till you heard knocking. you immediately got up and opened the door, thinking it was your mom till you saw kylian.

“ky? whats up?”

“do you like me ___? no lies- please.”

“what? what do you mean i- how- huh?”

you immediately tensed up and stumbled- pretending to not know.

“sadie and some other girl texted me on your phone saying it got stolen. they told me and stuff. do you really like me?”

“i… i do kylian. i always have.”

“why? i mean why me? your parents-”

“who cares kylian! your family loves mines and thats why we known eachother since like birth! who cares if my dad wants me to get with some like… important guy- youre more important than him!”

“but your whole family is at stake ___!”

“i dont care!”

“they could help you guys with finances and-”

“shut up kylian! do you like me or not! please!”

he soon got quiet and sighed; taking your hand in his.

“i do ___. and its kinda weird cause i grew up with you but i always did. even if you were with other people or i was dating. i was just scared.”

“why did you never tell me…?”

“i just said i was scared!”

“dont be!”

“i just confessed ___ we aren’t gonna argue about this.”

you smiled before kissing his cheek. hugging him tightly with a giggle. knowing that you two always argued about nothing was still there- even in this tense moment.

“i know that.”

“so what now?”

“youre my girlfriend now right?”

“well duh.”

“ok ___ thats enough.”

[asfdhgsdkjhgb]

if i had a nickel for every time the guy i like directly compared me and his boyfriends personalities, i would have 2 nickels, which isnt a lot but its weird that it happened twice

[ayakamiyuiii]

Hello everyone!! <33 -i know it's been awhile since i last wrote, i've been really brain dead Recently, and i'm not Sure on what too write about-  i've really been thinking about Scaramouche Angst for awhile, So heads up, The Following may get pretty Upsetting huhuh- // TW! ~Mentions of Su!c!d3, Hurtful strong words Ehm it's gunna be pretty upsetting huhuh so im sorry for the followingg TT // i hope your all ok! :)) i hope your all doing ok <3 i hope you guys are taking care!, remember i love you all so muchhhh :DD mhmhm, let's get onto it then huhuh <3.-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Your Boyfriend, Scaramouche. One of the Many Strongest Harbingers. He's Usually Busy out, Never getting time with you, Of course.. as he was your boyfriend, you really wished you two could have alone time, //Even tho most times you try talk about it to him it goes downhill, leading to a huge Argument.. You two were on and off to be Absolutely Honest. "GOD FUCKING DAMNIT Y/N! YOUR DRIVING ME INSANE, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT FROM ME??” ..Another argument, “i-..” “WHAT? SPIT IT THE FUCK OUT” “Scara- c-calm down..” “CALM DOWN? CALM FUCKING DOWN? DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU JUST DID??? GOD I FUCKING HATE YOU Y/N L/N! I FUCKING HATE YOU. I WISH YOU WERE DEAD.”

“Ouch..”

That hurt, you thought to yourself, “maybe.. i shoulda killed myself huh..im no use to anyone anymore am i?..” .. You were Kicked out of the once shared place you lived in, with only limited a day to come back and get your stuff, Honestly, You werent that surprised anymore, you knew it’d come to this sooner or later, You had to think pretty quick.. there was no where for you to stay anyways. Worse to worse.. you would just make some shelter in the wilderness and see how everything goes from there. 

it’s been about a month or two since what’d happened back at Scara’s house. You soon found yourself walking to places you’d been out with him, Hoping to not see him anywhere at all, To your Misfortune, as you were walking to the garden you first took him out to, You saw him there, ..with Another girl, Your heart had shattered even more, your eyes becoming even Deader, You just Walk by hoping he doesn’t notice you. you heard your name in the Distance, it was Childe, “whatever the fuck does this ginger want?..” you mutter to yourself.. of course from how loud he was you were really really hoping Scaramouche heard nothing.

“What’d you want you ginger?” you said once he caught up to you “I know your not ok Y/n, Do you wanna come over to my place and talk about it?” He says. scaramouche had heard everything, “no thanks im good i have to go now anyways.” you say, “why’re you going? i could walk ya there” “umm i’m going home, but i guess you could walk me there.” In the Distance, Scara’s eyes widened, He followed far behind. “-Ok we’re here you can go now, thanks Tartaglia,” You say. “wait, what- i dont see a house y/n whats the meaning of this?” “oh um *you pointed to a small tent you had made overtime* Home” both his and Scaramouche’s Eyes Widened, “What the fuck do you mean ‘home’ That- looks so Uncomfortable!” “well i’ve grown quiet used to it now, Most nights im lucky actually! the Abyss Mages leave me alone at times, i still have my bow if i need to go hunting everythings perfect, i- i even have a cat”.

“Y/n, This isint a Home, Listen do you need help? can i help you at all?” He says sounding really upset, “No Tartaglia, i Appreciate you trying to help but everythings perfect now, you can go now.” -As you were trying to get this huge ginger leave, Scaramouche who heard everything felt guilt, though he had left quick, apposing to not get caught. You had finally pleaded this Man to go, it was getting late you Decided to go hunting, You were pretty powerless, meaning you could die at any moment really. tho you went hunting anyways, ..you’d gotten some Boar, tho you were oh so tired, of course there was nothing you could do really.

its been five months, You still haven’t moved on from him, but you were happy he got someone much better than you in his life. By chance you had passed him while heading to the lake for bathing.. he held your arm and pulled you “Y/n.. your coming with me.” You were Shaken of course, what the hell is going on?? you stay Silent and obey, knowing he could damn well kill you at that moment, though your nerves started tensing up. You were Scared of what this mans planning to do to you, You were Basically Trembling in fear. “You brat, You fucking brat.” you were looking at the ground, Hesitating to look him in the face. “LOOK AT ME WHEN IM SPEAKING TO YOU GOD FUCKING DAMNIT” tears started pouring, you didnt want to look at him, tho you tilted your head up. “S-Sir, yessir.” You then started looking at him trying to force yourself to stop crying, aswell as throwing hurtful words to yourself. “So sorry sir, What can i do for you sir?” His eye’s Had Widened at this.

“You never told me you had no where to fucking go, maybe if you fucking told me i could have arranged something bloody brat.” “So sorry sir, My Mistake, it’s Ok Sir, You have a new life now, without a Peasant like me, you don’t need to worry or even have a thought of me sir, you should carry on with your day as i’ll carry on with mine.”

you couldnt stop sobbing, but you gave him a light smile and a bow before heading to the lake, He just stood there in shock. “so did they see me with? ...” he thought to himself, he heard your sobs, of course. But said nothing, At this point he was out of your Sight. you wipe your eyes, no matter how much you wipe the more tears pour, you try forget about the encounter anyways, it really hurt you of how easily he was able to replace you. But you couldn’t Do nothing, you just let it happen. it was pretty late and you were drying off, setting for home, You had some mora.. You Decided to buy a small meal,-

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------HDSHJD  ANYWaYS! Thats end of part one E- i need more idea’s haksjhdjs i know this wasnt good at all, but i absolutely triedd!! <33 -nyways, i’ll make part two as soon as i get more ideas! hehehsdjh ilyasm takecaree cya laterrrrr <33333

[wychive]

𝙪𝙣𝙨𝙥𝙤𝙠𝙚𝙣 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙𝙨

summary // you found your pile of ‘letters’ to hyunjin that contain thoughts that have never been said and decided to write to him one last time.

pairing(s) // hyunjin x gn!reader, hyunjin x oc, slight minho x reader

genre(s) // angst, letter fic 

warning(s) // mentions of food, themes of being forgotten, vulgar wording, humiliation, overthinking

word count // 2.0k

author's note // happy birthday @noya-sannnn​ !! im sorry this was so late hhh you know how i am irl,, but i hope you enjoy this! i love you so much, jane <3 i apologize for the many grammar mistakes gn. i recommend listening to iu’s ending scene while reading this! btw y/n/n means your nickname.

[10/01/14, 3:55am]

dear jinnie,

hi there! it's y/n <3 i hope you're doing okay - i mean of course you are pfft anyways, just writing this short letter (more like paragraph)  sort of as a venting mechanism? for things i cant tell you about lol  im not so sure how you would call it, since you're so much better at words than i am. basically were like:

hyunjin: ow a brain freeze!

me: haha brain go brrrr

anyways haha yea <3 it's 4am so like,, ill see you at school!

signed,

your loser,

y/n/n

[15/02/14, 12:34am]

yo heartthrob!

im back with this kinda stuff haha it's been a whole? week? since ive written one of these so like yes..hi! i just wanted to say thanks, for today. you really know how to cheer me up huh? you really outdid yourself by setting up that little picnic for us. congrats on making the strawberry cake so perfectly <3 this day will always stay as a core memory in the back of my brain. you're too caring sometimes,,, istg you'll pay for this [maybe hugs?] >:) 

signed,

your partner in crime,

y/n/n

[30/02/15, 01:29am]

jinnie-senpai~~

LMAO you hate me calling you that, doesn't change a thing though. hehe,, nways i hope you enjoyed your birthday present :) i got you that really cool skateboard that you wanted. i worked my ass off for that in my mother's garden so like,, you gotta thank me for that a thousand times :D nah jk, its a sincere gift, from me to you. i rarely do this for ANYONE so consider yourself lucky to have a best friend like me -3- also, seungmin is like….kinda the cutest person ever. introduce me to him pls, thank!

signed,

<your bestest friend3,

y/n

(p.s. you're kinda cute too,,,, ig,,, still stinkee tho)

[13/04/15, 9:04pm]

hey 'baby' (HAHAHA ihy for this)

i hope your day was okay! i didn't see much of you today (which was sort of a bummer but wtv) so like…. uh yea. you told me you were doing okay over text, which kinda surprised me because like?? we always video call lol this is kinda the first time,, but its okay, i trust you! (i really hope youre doing alright tho, i'll beat anyone up if they make you sad >:( ) you also called me 'sweetheart' today which was like…. omg wtf haha????????? that was so weird to me for some reason… a good kind of weird :D we haven't done those kinds of nicknames in a while so…. happy to know that they're back in session <3 i talked to the new girl today, she's really cool! like she knows the bean song on tiktok so like its a total win heh, ill introduce you to her tomorrow! you'll love her a lot

signed,

your 'lover',

y/n/n

[08/06/16, 10:23pm]

hey howl (hehe go back to that movie night we had)

this spring break sucks so much,, esp because youre not here (you still couldve brought me along :'[ ) but wtv i hope youre enjoying yourself. ive been hanging out with yeonnie lately and i found out she likes conan grey too like pls i love her sm. can we adopt her?? please???? she told me you guys have been video calling too and that makes me so happy!! you two are getting along so well aaa my precious babies </3 

what if you developed a crush on her? haha…..jk unless?? (no jk dont shes all mine, stay away >:) ) anyways, i hope the three of us hang out soon. maybe go to that ice cream parlour where they serve the best cookies and cream?  

signed,

your daisy,

y/n/n

[19/07/15, 01:23am]

peepee poopoo hello

heyheyhey!! (heh, haikyuu thingz) i hope youre doing okay! i mean sure you are, with everything going so well. also i feel like you're not telling me something. maybe it's just me? is it? i hope it is because you tell me everything,, we've been talking less these days but its okay! i know how busy you are, especially with your dad always bugging you,,

also, i think yeonbin likes you :0,, she keeps talking about you whenever we hang out. don't get me wrong, its not bad that she likes you but...something doesn't feel right. i feel like i'm being the third wheeler here and like ugh idk. haha laughs yea i think its just me.. im sorry, i didnt mean to do you like this,, anyways, ill see you soon + her too ofc- yall are inseparable lmao

signed,

your moonlight,

y/n/n

[23/07/15, 01:56am]

greetings, kind sir

lol more like mean sir but like aight KSKSK,, anyways,, how have you been? we haven't really talked in a while,, our convos are always so short with it being one-sided :/ i wish you were online more. yeonnie is ignoring me,, do you know why? i think you do,,, but when i asked you just said you didnt know. did i do something wrong? pls tell me.. 

she blocked my contact the other day and she won't even smile at me when i pass her in the hallways. its,, sad and stressful especially because she was the only one that would genuinely talk to me. i hate to say this,, but i miss you. us, hanging out like the best trio we are, yknow? but i dont think you miss me the same way. sorry, im getting out of hand. i know im just overreacting. im just gonna sleep ig,, good night! sweet dreams,,

signed,

your pink lemonade,

y/n/n

[25/07/15, 03:25am]

hi there

i heard you and her got together?? congrats, jinnie! im so proud of you,, especially because you never had even considered getting a girlfriend a few months earlier lmaO you really woo the ladies huh? anyways,, i hope you've been well since we last talked,, how many days has it been?? i would say nearly a week or so but honestly it feels like a hundred years,, considering you and i used to talk every day. but you have her now to keep you company.

keep this a secret but can you possibly tell me why it hurts when i see her? or when i mention her or even think of her?? is it because she's connected to you? but.. you're my best friend, so why? is it because i miss you? is it because im alone now? is it because you left me with a simple 'i have to go now,, bye y/n/n.'? im not sure either. im being silly, i apologize. ill figure it out sooner or later. sweet dreams, jinnie

signed,

your asswipe,

y/n

[25/07/15, 04:30am]

jinnie

it's because i love you. 

signed,

your butterfly,

y/n

[??/08/??, 05:??am]

you

i miss your lame jokes. i miss your smile. i miss your laughs. i miss your funny faces. i miss the way your eyes twinkle. i miss th way you would make me happy just by doing the bare minimum. i miss the disaster you made when cooking breakfast. i miss the night when you snuck me out just to go to that pretty lantern event. i miss when you would call out my name everytime we met. i miss when we would share earbuds in train rides. dont you get it, hyunjin? i miss you.

[??/??/15, ??:??am]

asshole.

please tell me that isn't true, please. you're too kind to do these kinds of things, right? + i was your best friend,, then, why, why did you hurt me like this. i didnt do anything wrong.. you couldve just told me you didnt like me,,, why did she have to tell me? out of all people. 

youre so pathetic for this,, i thought you were brave, bold - but youre just a fucking coward. i loved you, i really did. and i realised too late… im sorry. she,, i shouldn't have talked to her in the first place, right? i bet you knew she humiliated me, in front of everyone. of course you did, you were the only one that knew. you told her. fuck, i hate you so much (yet why do i long for you on a night like this?). you know how much that'll affect me and yet, there you are, laughing about it with her.

signed,

fuck off,

you know who i am.

[31/08/15, 03:41am]

ah, jinnie

please tell me this is just a nightmare. please, please. stop just reading my texts, please answer them. jinnie. i miss you so much. i dont care bout her, please just let me be in your arms. i dont care if you love me back, please just talk to me at least. tell me what i did wrong,, jinnie,, please,,, clear these tear stains on my cheek with kisses.

signed,

your fuck-up,

y/n

[15/09/15, 04:59am]

jinnie

why do i keep crying because of you? its been a few weeks since everything has happened. please, nothing has changed. i still love you the same even with all the hatred i have pent up in this stupid brain of mine. i wish i could just walk back in time, to where it all began.

when i first met you in third grade and you pushed me while playing soccer or maybe when we took those ridiculous prom pictures, remember those? i hope you still have them,, because i do too. i hope the pictures of us on your wall still hang there,, it'll remind you of the happy times. hm,, maybe you don't need them. 

you already have millions of pictures with you and her,, i bet you printed some and replaced those with ours right? sly dog. 

signed,

friend,

y/n/n

[04/02/16, 12:57am]

hey

i went to the park today and saw both of you being happy. it's nice to see your smile again. im sorry i didnt go up to you,, i just thought it would be awkward. when i heard that adorable laugh of yours, it made me realise that i lost something special. but it's okay isnt it? as your happiness matters more than mine. 

signed,

y/n

[06/01/20, 08:00pm]

dear hyunjin,

im doing fine here. how about you? gosh,, how long has it been? years? since we last talked to each other. i havent heard from you since. i would just like to say i still think of you sometimes, when watering the plants or dancing while making pancakes. sometimes i think you're here with me too, just being the pals we were. 

sometimes i'd see you out, just reading a book in the park or buying pasta sauce at the grocery store. it's nice to see you having a stable life. im not sure if you're still with her or not, but its good to know that you still have that large friend group. also! you're never gonna guess who im dating--

it's minho! do you remember him? the one that i used to hate,, uh yeah. he asked me out the other day- you may wonder how tf,,, i too do not know how tf but he gives the best hugs ever. he gave me the love i wanted from you. he stitched my heart back together after it broke,, i love him so much, jinnie..

it's snowing,, do you remember when we would skate on the frozen lake in front of your house? are your parents well? i wonder if your mother still has those earrings i bought for her birthday. i never told you this but your laugh and hers sound so similar. 

i would just like to say thank you, for everything. you were a big part of my life, up until now. when we see each other after this, we would just be strangers. maybe flash a little smile or give a little wave whenever we greet each other but nothing more. some memories of us would flow in every now and then but it'll just be a short teaser. well, i'll be going now. smile for me, okay?

signed,

the one that loved you the most,

y/n.

taglist // @/noya-sannnn, @crvgio​ , @neo-shitty​

reply to be in my gen taglist!

[queer-as-frikc]

My coming out story is weird, it gets a lil transphobic so tw near the end tw long post too

So, pretty much throughout my time growing up through elementary school and half of middle school, i grew up in a white middle class area. I didnt know about the LGBTQ+ or anything other than what I saw, which was white people and an occasional poc. Eventually I had to move and I ended up in a super diverse area, and ended up becoming best friends with this person (they are ftm now so imma use the right pronouns but they were f when this story mostly takes place) he told me all about things I didnt know, specifically the LGBTQ+ community and that he was pan, and it was new information so just like any 13 year old learning new things, I questioned myself, I questioned if I could like the same sex or not or possibly more.

Sadly, drama happened between my best friend, his girlfriend and I, so thing got a little weird. But there was a time in winter, when he was off that relationship for more than a month and he said he'd like to date me, and I really thought about it before hand and said yeah, I couldnt tell you how happy I was to have this experience.

I told my mom that night, in a round about way cuz I was nervous, "Hey mom, what if I liked girls?" She told me she doesnt think that I do, because I always expressed feelings for guys, and when I tell her I didnt really understand what being gay was when I was younger, I didn't really know it was a possibility. She snapped at me and said, "Unless you are willing to kiss a girl and do the other stuff, you arent gay at all."

Eventually I have a sit down conversation with her, about how confusing this all was and how I wish I knew how I felt, and so on. She said she had a similar questioning phase but it never stuck so she doesnt think I am.

Like a month later I figure it out and dude that was so gratifying. I came out as bi to my mom, who just dismissed the whole thing, but I was terrified to tell my uncle (it's a long story about that, no it's not "sweet home Alabama") because he always said bi's were wh*res so yeah. I ended up telling him, and he goes, "You know my opinion on it but that doesnt mean that I'll disown you or anything." Btw the relationship (dating wise) with my best friend after he came out as ftm because he went back to his ex, it's all cool tho.

So that was that, or so I thought. It was my first year of high school, and I finally really understood the definition of pan, what was holding me back though was the trans experience, I thought because I didnt know what it was like, I couldnt be pan, even though I didnt have a preference, turns out it just means you like people no matter their gender and it like, clicked finally so yeah. I've told my family about that since but I a similar reaction: my mom said she doesnt think I am and she lectured me on my generation having so many labels and how she hated it. My uncle said he appreciated that I was pan more than me being bi which confused me but he just had a better view of pansexual than bisexual. (I explained to both of them what the difference was but idk man)

I believe it was my second year of high school when I really started to question my gender, and that was mostly because I saw a video of what gender dysphoria looks like if it's not that strong and you arent aware for ftm. So like wearing bagging clothes all the time, always wearing sports bras, and practically no other bra, feeling really good if someone accidentally calls you sir, etc. And I was like, oml it's me. But it wasnt, I didnt find that out until later tho. So, with my friend group, I find a name that seems to fit me well and ask them to address me by it and he/him pronouns, as like a test of sorts. (All of my friends are gay in some way so it was cool) In the end tho, I got a little iffy about the whole thing and wouldnt ever correct them at times or it was just off for me. I felt really bad because I thought that they might have thought that I was just trying to force myself to be more like them, but I wasnt, i still felt bad though and kinda dropped it.

I'm not sure 100% how I figured it out tho, but I remember talking to my best friend (not the same one from middle school, they were my best friend as well but they arent the same person) about the whole experience and I believe they brought up the idea of genderfulid, and I was like :0.... what that. They explain it, you go aall over the gender spectrum, some days you might feel like a boy, others you might feel like you have no gender, some days you might feel like your gender is something completely weird and different, that's just what it is. And I was like, "It fits but like, I barely feel femme at any point in time, maybe like once a year." And they tell me, that's ok and stuff as long as my gender just decides to be a completely weird and went all over the place, it counted, so I was like, "I finally figured it out!!!" And i was so happy.

Then came the time I was comfortable enough to tell my parents. I had been using the label genderfuild for over half a year already and I thought that it was what I was so it was ok to tell them. I saw how ok me being gay went, so I was nervous but not as nervous as I should have been, probably. I told my mom first, she went on a similar rant of her no liking my generations labels and such, but it went fine, I explained it, I thought I was through, I thought I was fine, apparently not. One day I'm in the shower and I hear my mom being very expressive with what ever shes talking about to my uncle, which is fine, she needs someone to vent to sometimes. When I get out though, and I can here her clearly, I hear sees complaining about what I told her recently, that I'm genderfulid, but instead of saying that, she only says I want to be a boy. (Oh no) So shes complaining to him, asking why I cant be more like her and just be a masculine girl and be fine, why do I have to fit in with the crowd of my generation to feel special, why cant I just be fine with who I am now? Etc.

The sad thing is, that night, I was going out shopping for pants and underwear with my uncle because I needed some and I wore men's pants already at that point, because they are more durable, and stuff so I knew it was gonna be a long ride. My mom was snippy with me that whole night, just the entire time which sucked.

When we finally left to go get clothes though, I didnt know it could get worse. My uncle lectured me about how that's just my generations fad, and how his was making tattoos and piercings ok in the work place and mine is being trans a gay and all that crap, and that I'm just trying to fit in, I'm not being myself, no matter how much I chop myself up and cut my hair and take hormones my chromosomes will never change and so I can never be an actual guy. He also said that I would bring just more attention to myself being a woman who does guy things rather than try and be one, and he thinks I'm doing this all for attention. I was mad but silent at this point, I didnt want to cause anything to happen. He ended up asking me, "So did you pick a different name?" I was surprised but I said yeah, and my friends were using it and it seemed to fit better. He asked me what it was and fear over took my body. I told him, "I'll only tell you if you dont use it against me if your mad." He says, "i cant promise that." And then gets mad because I wont tell him. Though I do, because I feel obligated since hes buying me clothes. To be even more confusing, he buys me guys underwear, and undershirts along with the predetermined pants he promised me and now I'm so confused.

But it gets even worse. When we get home, my mom freaks out on him because be bought me all that mens stuff and she said he was encouraging my behavior and stuff, he defended with it's just clothes, and yah it is. Eventually things settle down, obviously my mom isnt talking to be, but that's for the best at this point. I'm in the living room with my uncle and he just then starts harassing me with questions like, how do you know? he asks. "Well, I just feel that way, same as you." I say. But why do you wanna be a guy? he asks. "I dont wanna be a guy, it's just weird that way. Also it's not me being a guy, it me being many more than that," I say. He says that's bullsh*t. I offer to show him videos that better explain what trans is and how it's an actual sciencey thing and stuff but he said he wont take a video because he wants me to say it. And then he just goes off, saying the name I picked out shows how self centered I am because I am selfish, he kept asking me if i liked to fight, to catch and play with bugs, to be strong, to be angry all the time, and all these stereotypes for men and I just left, and went to bed. He wasnt going to listen to me, so there wasnt a point to me staying.

But, it gets worse. The morning comes and I'm awoken by the slam of my door by my uncle and the laughter of my mom. My uncle starts being really aggressive and starts cleaning my room, I only have clothes on the floor mostly so that's all it was, but he starts saying, well if you're gonna be a man, imma start training you like one, the man of the house picks up after everyone, the man of the house does everything he can to help the house run smoothly, the man of the house has to be strong, and all that stuff. (Which I thought was funny because he was "the man of the house" yet I did everything, and still do. I clean up most after him, funny huh.) And, I know what's happening and so I stay in bed, I don't want this to happen. But I literally get ripped out of my bed by my uncle and get told to stop being a little b*tch and a brat because I'm being selfish by my mom and I'm yelled at to sit in the living room and wait while my uncle cleans my room. When hes done hes starts lecturing me and being all aggressive and in my face. He keeps asking me a million questions with the tone that he didnt care so I knew he wouldn't listen. Eventually, him and my mom leave, I'm told to stay there until I get back. When they do get back, they act like everything is fine, nothing happened between them and I and it's just been so hard for me to talk to them about that since.

I'm greatful that I dont have to deal with that anymore but every time something that that is brought up with my family, I panic so much now. I'm fine and I'm safe but it was very traumatic for me. And uh, thanks for listening.

hey, thank you so much for sharing your story. this was just. so heartbreaking. noone deserves to have a person like your uncle in their life. im so sorry you had to go through all of that. i hope you’re in a much better place now <3 (also i loveeddd reading about how you figured it out) =)

again, tysm <3

[voidselfshipp]

Late night cuddle calls

Cw:mentions of f*od and ab*sive m*ther.

Ok to rb

The moon was hid by the dark stormy clouds, the savage wind ran amok the city Howling like a wolf, hitting the window of every appartment it went around,thunder strikes the Sky with a roar, smaller,lightins follow suit Briefly illumating the heavens now darkened.

Its late already.

Jerico turns and tosses around her sheets unable to fall asleep,resting on her back, hands behind her neck, she sighs hesitantly looking at her phone charging right besides her on her bed.

Would he still be awake?

She grabs it,turning it on,unlocking it and going to her most recent chat.

The contact reads "my sunflower🌻🖤" she smiles looking at the profile picture.

"Hey, you up?" She types.

Miles' phone rings as he drinks from his tea, hed be pulling an all nighter to finish some homework.

Checking his phone his expression turns into worry, its already so late, why was she up?

"Yeah I am, whats up?"

"I cant sleep,ive been trying for two hours....can you come?"

He hesitated looking that he was half way through his assigment, he sighed "yeah, be there in ten, ill go get us some snacks, not like I nees them cause youre the only snack I need" he then thinks it again deleting the last part.

"Ill be waiting, ill leave the Window Open"

He grabbed his backpack, putting his phone charger, some money and an extra pair of clothes just in case the rain caught him outside.

So he jumped out his Window,jumping around buildings to get some tea, snacks and maybe even a small plushie if he got lucky.

Exhausted, jeri sighed closing her eyes for a bit.

Her cat, Canela,sat on her chest purring. She chuckles slightly opening her eyes to pet her.

The rain had started to fall, in small harmless droplets, to then transform into a full blown storm.

Miles had just finished getting the last thing he needed, a small plushie of a dragon with intentional patches of different shades of red.

He knew shed like it.

A soft tap on the Window let jerico know miles had arrived, he enters taking off his jacket, he was drenched.

--hey babe-- he says leaving his backpack--hand me a towel?

--Heh sure--jeri gets out of bed walking sluggishly to a chair with folded towels.

--hey is that my hoodie?--he asked.

--it was your hoodie nows mine!

--you little thief!--He said playfully-- ill catch you!--He runs up to her lifting her up.

--oh noo Spiderman has caught me ohhh--both start to laugh--ill tell you what,If you have another set of clothes you go take a bath,I dont want you to get sick

--aw youre always takin care of me!--miles said kissing her--okay, ill go take a bath, mom--jeri rolls her eyes--oh I got you tea and your favourite snack, and a little gift okay babe?

Jers eyes are sparkling with joy running to his backpack.

He then proceeds to go to the bathroom in jericos room.

The girl opens the backpack to find the little plushie dragon.

She coos hugging It.

Miles just finished taking his drenched shirt off when his girlfriend Came to hug him from behind, she was warm-- thanks babe!!

--Ah its nothing...a bit of privacy tho?-- she nodds kissing his cheek and leaving closing the door behind her.

As she sits on the bed drinking her still somehow warm tea something catches her attention.

--needless to say I Keep her in check--miles sang followed by mutters of the parts he didnt quite know-- she was all bad bad never the less...

And so she sat there absolutely enamored, listening to her boyfriend sing.

Ten minutes later she handed him his fresh set of clothes and miles came out the bathroom in an oversized shirt, sweatpants and with red fluffy Slippers.

Jeri giggles making grabby hands.

--Im coming im coming--he said playfully grabbing his own tea and cookies sitting behind jerico,who then presses her body against his as he hugs her--whats been worrying you baby? Youve seem...off

Jer shrugged looking away-- nothing that I havent told you before..

He sighed hiding his face on her hair--theres not much i can do about it...but ill be here as long as you need me, and even then ill stick around...te amo jerico

--yo también miles

Both kiss, and spend the night drinking their warm drinks and listening to music.

Suddenly someone knocks on the door.

Miles climbs up the walls to a dark corner.

Jeris auntcle,vica enters the room--jerico?you okay?-They say in their british accent--heard noise from downstairs--vica looked up-- oh,hello miles

Miles sigh unsticking from the ceiling, falling on his feet hands on the pockets of his jackey-- oh hey vica, thought you were jericos mother

The brit scowls--after what she did the last time that...--they made a pause stopping themself from cursing-- shes no longer allowed around here, but anyway ill let ya ankle biters alone...

They closed the door and miles went back where he was hugging jerico tighter.

--What did your mom do last time she was here?

Jeri hid her face on his chest--awful stuff..she made this huge deal about some of my clothes, she even tried to forbid me from using those thigh hig boots

--the shiny black ones?

--yeah those!

--But those look so good in you!-miles said--what else?

Jer took a long sip from her tea-- her usual...awfull stuff, and also, do you remember how I said I was going to visit you after mom went back home, I couldnt go cause she got mad at me, just because I defended myself from her...,vica kicked her out and I didnt have the energy to go,im so sorry miles...

He hugged her tighter--you dont need to apologize, right now its you and me amor,no one else...

He lifted her face up by the chin and kissed her, she kissed back pressing her forehead against his.

After finishing their food they went to sleep.

Calming music playing in the background, contrasting And complimenting the chaotic stormy enviroment of the outside, as miles hugged jerico from behind protecting her from any danger.

Hed always be there to make her feel better, an smile appeared on his face as he heard the soft calming breaths that lured Him also in a peacefull sleep.

[bottomlwjrights]

MO DAO ZU SHI REREAD:Thoughts™️....and Stuff

Chapter 40

“They should’ve been able to talk, to say who they were, to shout for help. However, the awful thing was that somebody had cut all of their tongues off before this.” In case i havent said it enough, i hate Xue Yang!!!!

I dont have anything funny or witty to say, this whole situation is just sad

“She instinctively hated him and refused to settle. And so, whenever Xue Yang went out night-hunting with Xiao XingChen, she’d secretly follow them. Even when they were in the same house, she didn’t lower her guard.” She lived constantly on guard for, what, years?

Nobody told xxc stories when he was a kid, which I believe to be a crime

The first disciple to leave the mountain, YanLing DaoRen, was an excellent and renowned cultivator, but suddenly became a villian for some unknown reason and died under thousands of swords, according to xxc (parallels wwx a little)

“‘The second disciple was a girl and also very outstanding.’ Wei WuXian’s chest felt warm. She was ZangSe SanRen.” 🥺

“How would an outstanding and beautiful cultivator settle on a servant. This story’s so cliche. It’s probably made up by some poor scholar.” Oh little A-Qing... (wait this mirrors lwj and wwx’s love story, except of course the death part, because in my eyes they just cultivate to immortality and live happily ever after, together forever)

Shut up, wwx, you’re not a villain

Xxc describing sl makes me uuuh wanna cry “A very good friend of mine.” “A sincere man of noble nature.”

Shut the fuck up Xue Yang, no body cares

SHUT UP XXC CARRIED A-QING TO BED THATS ADORABLE 🥺 BIG BRO XINGCHEN EVEN TUCKED HER IN

Shut up!!!! He went and got her candy!!!! And then gave her candy everyday!!!!

Sl said to A-Qing the exact same the xxc said to her, like almost word for word... hold i...

Also note that wwx said they must have been very good friends to be so much alike 

Why did he hesitate???

“Song Lan answered straight away, ‘His height is similar to mine. His appearance is rather fine. His sword is carved with patterns of frost.’” Dont ask why this drove me crazy 

Sl was looking for xxc for years....

“For some reason, Song Lan’s face was extremely pale. He stared at the door of the coffin home, as if he would rush inside if he could, but was too scared to do so.”

“The instant he heard the [xxc’s] voice, Song Lan’s hands trembled so much that A-Qing could clearly see it.”

Sl was so angry his entire body was shaking

Xy is disgusting

After the attack of Baixue temple, while injured, sl said some nasty things to xxc....sounds alot like the aftermath of Nightless City....

“Who was the one who said ‘from now on, we won’t need to meet again’? Wasn’t it you, Daozhang Song? He listened to your request and disappeared after he dug out his eyes for you, but why have you come to him now?” Shut up shut up shut up

Fuck Xue Yang!!!!

“Song Lan looked down at Shuanghua’s blade, which penetrated his heart, then slowly looked up again. He saw Xiao XingChen, who calmly held the sword.” Im gonna cry

“Slowly, Song Lan fell to his knees before Xiao XingChen.” Yup im crying

“At such a time, if Song Lan passed his sword to Xiao XingChen’s hands, Xiao XingChen would’ve immediately known who he was. He’d be able to recognize the sword of his closest friend with just a touch.” He would have known sl’s sword by just a touch....

Sl didnt pass his sword to xxc so that he didnt have to bear the burden of knowing he killed him.....

“...large drops of tears rolled from her eyes. Although she was scared, A-Qing reached out to close Song Lan’s eyes. She then kneeled in front of him and put her palms together, ‘Daozhang, please don’t blame me or the other daozhang.’”

She kowtowed in front of sl’s body....

A-Qing is smart and quick witted, pulling such a fast lie like that

“Cut a few dozens of times on her face so that she’ll never have the guts to go outside again.” 😧

How xy can say something like that and then offer up a plate of bunny shaped apple slices that he cut himself is beyond me

“Looking at the plate of cute, delicate slices, disgust filled both A-Qing’s and Wei WuXian’s hearts.” Yeah me too

(Chapter 41 & Chapter 42 below the cut)

Chapter 41

A-Qing didnt wanna tell xxc about sl...

“The blood grew more and more and eventually leaked through the bandages, trickling down from where his eyes once were.” God he’s crying ....

“Originally, the injury of his eyes would bleed whenever he had excessive thoughts or emotions, but it hadn’t recurred in quite a long while.” I hate this

“...after Xiao XingChen managed to calm down, he told A-Qing, ‘A-Qing, run away.’” I hate this so much

“I can’t go. I need to find out what exactly he’s trying to do...If I left him here alone, I’m afraid that the people of Yi City would sink into his hands.” Y’all gotta stop with this selfless,self sacrificing, being a good caring person shit man, its okay to save yourselves sometimes

“A-Qing’s sobs weren’t faked anymore. She tossed the bamboo pole to the side and clung to Xiao XingChen’s leg...”

“Xiao XingChen asked coldly, ‘Was it fun?’ Xue Yang took another bite into the apple that was still in his hand. He only replied after calmly chewing for a while and swallowing the fruit, ‘Yes. Of course it was fun.’” I hate him

Even the idea that xy did all this because he was bored...

“My finger was my own, while those lives were other peoples’. They wouldn’t be equal no matter how many lives I killed. It was only around fifty. How could it have possibly been equal to one of my fingers?” I cannot even begin to express my disgust...

This is all so sad....

“… Is that you, ZiChen?”

“Even if the two swords had just clashed, Xiao XingChen should be able to tell who the other was from only the strength of the attack...He turned around slowly and reached out a quivering hand, feeling for the blade of Song Lan’s sword.”

“… ZiChen… Daozhang Song… Daozhang Song… Is that you…?” Im crying again

And he’s crying nonstop

“… What happened…? Say something…”

“Xiao XingChen stood blankly in front of Song Lan. Putting his hands on his head, he wailed as though he was ripping his chest apart.” I cant handle this shit im about to stop reading

Fuck you, Xue Yang

“At this moment, Wei WuXian saw himself in Xiao XingChen. Him, who failed miserably as he stood drenched in blood, who couldn’t do anything except silently acknowledge the critiques and accusations, who was wholly beyond hope, who could only cry in despair!” Yeah i didnt need that in the middle of all this

“He could only whimper in pain, ‘Please. Let me go.’” Im really going through it

They all died in such horrific ways

Thank goodness thats over!!!!

Chapter 42

Wwx really implied that xy killed Chang Ping as revenge for xxc huh....wow no

Even in death, A-Qing is brave. Thank you for your contribution in ending that mf

Lwj cuts off xy’s arm when he reaches towards wwx

There was so much blood on the ground that wwx almost slipped in it, gross

Lmao i didnt think lwj would be the one to just toss a pouch to someone but here we are

Wn just squatting on the ground, chillin

Okay yanno what im still confused as hell as to why the juniors were lead to yi city...

God that makes me so angry, Xue Yang keeping the piece of candy for years and holding onto it when he died, like even the idea that he liked xxc and still decided to torture him to death good lord

“Lifting up the hem of his robes, Lan WangJi stepped over the high threshold in an elegant manner, then nodded.”  Wwx just looks at lwj do literally anything and is just like “he’s so elegant 😍 so graceful 🥰 look at my lan zhan, so pretty 🥰😍🥰”

“When he wakes, say I’m sorry, it wasn’t your fault.” Wow....

“He still wore the dark cultivation robes. Standing alone, he carried two swords, Shuanghua and Fuxue, he brought two souls, Xiao XingChen and A-Qing, and walked another path.” Wow.... i wish for you the best, Song Lan

Lsz standing and wondering if xxc and sl would ever meet again....

I agree with jl, death is too light of a punishment for xy

Lmfnck ljy cried the loudest out of everyone sjnckck

The juniors light incense and burning paper money for them 🥺 they’re so sweet

ItS nOt lIkE yOuVE DiEd HoW wOuLd YoU KnOw iF DeaD pEoPle ReCiEve PaPeR MonEY

PLEASE WATCH YOUR MOUTH JINGYI

“How come? Was I really that much of a failure? Was there not a single person who burned paper money for me? Was it really because nobody burned them that I didn’t receive any?” STOOOOOP

“Looking at his calm face, Wei WuXian thought to himself, Really? Had he really not burnt anything?!” Okay i don’t remember if he actually did or not but nonetheless this shit hurted

The hunter was probably the same person who lead them together to yi city with the corpses, BUT WHY THO

Awwww wwx happy to see Lil Apple

Stop teasing jl, wwx, its not nice

Even though the lookout towers are a good idea, and benefit smaller more remote towns, i cant help but wonder if there was some kind of ulterior motive behind them

“Almost all of the dishes were covered in red. Paying attention to Lan WangJi’s chopsticks, he notes that he ate mostly from the milder dishes, rarely the bright-red ones. Even when he did, his expression remained the exact same. Wei WuXian felt something tug at his heart.” uGGgGgGHhHhH 

[darklaff]

I writing this for myself it's problems I have and need to face and I believe if I write them down it may help. I'd say after I write it down I don't care what you think of me but I do care I have this problem where I always care about how people think of me I want to be liked it doesn't matter if I know you or if you are a stranger.

Depression

I have suffered with it since my uncle David passed away 11 years ago. When I was growing up my dad left when I was just under a year old so my uncle David became a father figure and some one I looked up to he was someone who was always there for me when I was upset or if i had any problems he was some one I could talk to and he would be there to help. He always left a really good impression with people that meet him. And when he fell ill I used to think he would get better because to me he was superman but he kept getting worse, he stopped eating and stop talking and watching him be like that made upset and angry that someone I loved and respected was just fading away and I couldn't do anything to fix it.

As time went by with him in hospital he looked better he was smiling and talking, the doctors said he was improving but then he started sneaking buckfast wine into the hospital and he did this for weeks and it made him worse again and one day my gran and papa came back from the hospital my papa was upset and my gran look defeated and worn down my gran came into my room and said I have really bad news David has died, I didnt believe her I refused to believe that someone I loved had died. Realisation kick in when my gran had a open casket in the house, when I seen him laying in the casket I went straight to my room and started crying I did leave the room till everyone was sleeping I snuck down stairs to see him again and started to talk to him hoping he could hear me saying things like why did you have to die, why did you start drinking again, I hate you for leaving me I sat with him all night and headed to bed when I heard people waking up. The hardest part was he was the one I spoke to when thing got bad and he would make it better by telling what to do but he wasn't there to do that anymore.

When it came time to bury him I said no to carrying his coffin and lowering him into the ground I was scared to do it and I regret not doing it, he was always there to pick me up when I was down and carried me and all my problems and I could do that one thing for him and that's when I started hating myself for not being there when he needed me, 11 year's have gone by and I still miss him but he left me with one thing that he said to me that I always will use he said "treat people how you would like to be treated".

Anger issues

I've always been angry growing up and it's been a something I've struggled with, when I was younger I always had to deal being bullied in school and on the streets I grew up and it developed a rage where I lash out at people for no reason, then one day I fought back against the people that pushed me about and it felt good being on top where I got a bit more respect so I used to fight alot in school and around my street till one day when I was 17 I got involved when my wee cousin got in a fight with some lad and I went in to split it up and the boy went to swing at me he missed and I put him on his arse and he said he going to get his cousin to come batter me a hour later his cousin appeared looking for a fight and I tried to talk my way out it first but he wasn't listening to what I had to say so we started fight for about 10 minutes and within that time I got so built up with rage I couldn't really remember what happened during the fight the only thing I remembered was hearing a lassie scream when the fight ended there was a fair bit of blood and my cousin told me what happened but bragging the way he told me he said that I was banging his head against a car window and he refused to give up and kept standing up and when I got him back to the ground that I was kicked his head like a football and people had to drag me off him, my mum and auntie Mel seen what happened and took me home later that night the guy I was fighting appears with four of his mates with bat's and golf clubs shouting for me and throwing things at my mums house and started getting angry again and went to the kitchen and grabbed a blade and went to the door if it wasn't for my auntie Mel stand in front of the door stopping me from leaving I would have went to jail that day. It wasn't till the police chase them off I seen how much I upset my mum, I made a promise that I wouldnt let my anger come out like that again but there are still a few triggers that brings a glimpse of that anger out to this day.

Relationship problems

Heather: I was 15 and this was my first serious girlfriend and the lass I lost my virginity with we where together for 8-9 months I thought we loved each other but it was lust and when she got bored of me and dumped me and in less than 2days she was in another relationship with some guy, my friend told me that she was sleeping around behind my back with the guy she was with, I didn't want to believe it so I waited and tried to get her back when she broke up with that guy I was there to comfort her and when things seemed like we could of got back together she went and started sleeping with my best mate that happened for a few months and I still waited for her to come back to me like a pathetic clown. Then one day I stayed over at my mates and I couldn't sleep so I decided to go check my MySpace page on his laptop and the was a convo page with him and Heather and I read it was countless pages of them making fun of me saying I was pathetic and gullible laughed at me cause I told her she was my first, I felt weak and so I left the in the middle of the night heading home upset. A year later she called me saying she wants to see me and I said yes she came to my house the next day and we spoke she told me she wanted to get back together I said I wanted that to so we started kissing then we slept together then she ask if I could do her a favor and collect money from her ex (my ex best mate) I told I would do it so I went to collect the money he owed and gave her it back after that she went home, the next day I tried to call her she ignored my calls for 2 days so I decided to meet her by surprise her friend stopped me and said she was in a relationship with someone. So she used me and I was involved with her cheating on the guy she was with and to this day he still doesn't know.

Kayleigh: this was a relationship I lost any respect for my self it lasted 8 year and only the first year was good then we moved in together and after the first month staying together the relationship turn rotten we where always shouting and fighting, me and kayleigh broke up with each other countless of times and this happened for 3 years then one day she said she was going to stay with her sister I thought it was only for a week or so but no she left me and even tho our was toxic but I still wanted her back but she never answered my calls our replied to my messages and then one day she calls me with news she said she was pregnant and I was overjoyed the one thing I wanted in this world was my own children I asked her if we could be together again and raise our daughter up together she said only if you put in for a new house and get a job so I did these things within couple of months I did the things she requested then we moved back in together it was going well and and our daughter was happy as the months went by and we stated arguing with each other again and I started to become silent and avoided her in the house I gave her my whole wage packet so she was happy and stayed with me if I wanted to buy something I want I had to ask her and make sacrifices to buy what I wanted like I would go a week and only have my dinner 2-3 times which saved food and in turn saved money then a moved into the loft for a year cause it got to the point where if we spent more than a hour with each other in the same room she would start a argument. Then I broke my leg at work and got paid off she helped me threw it till I got better but I struggled to get back into work and one day we started arguing and I was getting angry so I headed to my room to calm down she followed me and I shut the door on her then she stared kicking the doors and screaming like a banshee so I got out the room grabbed her picked her up and threw her out the house and locked the door and said she can get back in when she calms down, she called the police and I spent the night in the cells and got charged with domestic assault and went through court and got sentenced 350 hours community payback when I was going through court she got a flat and moved out and that relationship ended but we found out where better as friends and we get along that way

Ceia: I was single alone and depressed for 2 almost 3 years I tried my luck with a dating app called Plenty of Fish I used it for a couple months and got no luck. Then I seen ceias profile she liked the same things I did, so I tried my luck and messaged her and asked her what her favourite warrior movie was message back and we talked for a couple of hours before we exchanged mobile and continued or conversations over to WhatsApp to me she was amazing and beautiful and funny. We talk and meet each other for a month before I asked if she wanted start a relationship I was convinced I was with the girl of my dreams but I was to forward with her talking about kids and marriage and moving in at first she was fine with it and so we spoke to each other everyday almost every moment we asked each other a million questions to get to know each other more and I would go to her house and she would come to mines we watched movies and I feel completely in love with her she told me she was scared I got bored with her and move on I told her that would never happen so I told her I loved her every night and we used to play I love you more game things where perfect and something bad happened and she lost someone I tried my best to help her through it but as the weeks went by and she grew tired of my lack of patience and said I was putting to much pressure on her and broke up with me I tried my hardest to get her back I didn't want to lose her but the harder I tried the further I was pushing her away and should have let her greif I peace and been there when she needed me. I promised her alot that I would make her happy every day and keep her safe but I failed that and I said nasty things to her and I regret saying them but people can't change time only learn from the mastakes

Socially awkward and loneliness

I can't hold a conversation I'm lonely all the I tried to fix his problems so I start conversations that I can't hold and I get bored I always leave an awkward silence. I've got my mum's to try and have a conversation at last for 5-minutes and then I end up sitting on my phone for a hour and then go home.

Summary

I'm a depressed social awkward lonely weirdo with anger problems that can't hold a relationship

And if it wasnt for my daughter the only person that gives me some happiness and reason to live then I would have jumped of the erskine bridge 6 years ago

Im a mess and I know it and can't fix it

[pinkykitten]

I was tagged by @writing-with-melon I hope my answers aren’t complete waste or if time and if so I’m sorry and I love you

Rules: Answer ten 10 questions, ask 10, and tag 10 people

1. What song automatically plays in your head when you look out the window on a long drive? 

i dont really have an answer for this. i think i just automatically think about any song ive been listening to recently or any song that has been stuck in my head. 

2.  Do you have some snacks nearby when you write?

well i live in a two story house so the kitchen is downstairs and im usually lazy busy so since i have a mini fridge upstairs i just usually get water to drink while im writing. its kinda hard to eat and write cuz i loose focus really easily so when i am writing i am writing! i am in the zone! but if i am a little hungry ill usually snack on candy like chocolate kinder joys i love them but they r so expensive or snack on chips but i get like salt on my fingers or i like cheetos so cheetos dust and that just gets everywhere and later my hands and keyboard kinda smell like fart. 3. What do you do to combat creative burnout?

so burnout happens to me a lot so to get inspiration i either read other stories or fanfics which gets my head gears turning or i admire a piece of art or photography or a song. whats so unique and satisfying with writing you can explore and go anywhere with it, hehehe erotic if you know what i mean lol jk there are no barriers with writing just your imagination. there is inspiration any where you go and id advise to never stop writing. even if its a few short sentences or paragraphs about anything even bird poop its still progression and your mind is working and your searching for words like its all good for you bby.  4. Do you use (or like to use) prompts? 

i do ill put the link here. im thinking of changing it though to do something different. 

5. What is your favorite place to write?

lol boring, i know but my room. my room is really bright in the mornings and comfortable and chill and i have a candle of the pandora ride in disney that smells like the ride so its all good and relaxing and super peaceful plus i have a picture of myself the age of like 9 on my desk idk why but it encourages me and makes me focus to make sure i never get that cringy again. 

6. What is a hobby or yous that you usually don’t talk about?

well i like working out HAHAHAHAHA jk that was a joke...get it...cuz i much rather be eatingokillstop. but i really like to draw which i have a art page you can see it if you click here pls look at my failed attempts to be hip and cool with the cool kids and being artsy fartsy. another hobby is i really like to do makeup and nail art, nail art is really tough guys no joke if you do it like you got wizard powers are something. maybe its bc my nails are shorter than pete davidson and ariana grande’s relationship, alright im trying to stop i swear!

7. Do you play an instrument? Which one?

no i wish though. i always wanted to learn to either play the piano or electric guitar cuz H.E.R looks so cool doing it. 

8. How do you feel about your handwriting?

it sucks dont even try me. my sister can barely read it like no wonder nobody wants to steal my signature heck they can’t even read it!

9. Can you tell us of a story that marked your development as a person? As a writer?

ok sit back guys, sniff a nice amount of crack and get ready for the most cringy moment of my life but also a time when i knew i was meant to be *inhale* a fanfic writer. 

so it was elementary school, i think 3rd grade and for my writing assignment we were given a prompt of idk what the heck tbh i think it was like be outside the box and im like ok imma nail this cuz im a weird child and yeah so i got my papers and pencil and i went TO TOWN on this paper. so i wrote two stories. one short story with a picture to go with it and one long story that yeah i buried years ago. so my first story was about a farmer was about that farming life. he had chickens and dairy. so i cant remember if the cheese was spoiled but doesnt matter. anywho these cheese and a chicken were alive like they could talk in the story and i gave them faces, yikes. but the whole story was the farmer was a b*tch and he was trying to eat the chicken and cheese so they hatched a plan to get away from the farmer. they did it successfully and they ran away. yay happy ending my teacher actually liked that one me too and my school mates were thinking what they heck is this girl on i made a story about how me and justin bieber made cookies for Christmas you know. so then my other story i was more proud of this one cuz it was a tone of paper, sorry trees, and this story was about how a female hippo (girl i was all about plus size and thicker girls and no body shaming) and an male ostrich were kidnapped from their own habitats and taken to become circus animals. failed version of Madagascar hey mine was before the circus movie OK THEY STOLE IT FROM MEEEEE. so they get taken and are treated to harsh punishment and the animals can talk and i think its in the point of view of the male ostrich guy thing. they are in the circus and they start to have this relationship happening. love starts blossoming its all good. im happy with this cuz i believed in love at age of 8. they find a way thru a kick butt scene of the animals escaping and the hippo and ostrich are so in love that they run away together and they have half hippo half ostrich babies and i think i named the species  hipstrich or like ostppo idk but i was so proud of this story and when my teacher read it she was worried about me lol i think she thought i might like mate these two animals like secretly idk but she was like it was ok and i was like what this is frickin William Shakespeare writing or like F. Scott Fitzgerald writing. nevertheless it taught me a lesson that nobody else needs to like what im writing the main point and only thing that matters is if your proud of it and you like it and i really did. i will remember that story forever and thats what made me want to be a writer. lol sorry that was a lot. 

10. @emdop I’m going to use this great question: Explain one of your WIPs in the most ridiculous way possible. 

wellllll im working on my peaky blinders oc story its a lot of drugs money killing weapons jewelry rich profanities like its the show but written from my stubby hands so my oc and whatever its great and so excited to show it to you guys. 

MY QUESTIONS:

1. WHAT MADE YOU WANT TO START TUMBLR?

2. IF YOU COULD CHANGE ANYTHING OF THIS WORLD, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

3. WHAT QUALITY IS IMPORTANT TO YOU?

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE OUTFIT?

5. WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE?

6. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SONG IN THE WHOLE WORLD?

7. IF YOU COULD VISIT A PLACE, WHERE WOULD IT BE?

8. WHAT SHOW OR MOVIE UNIVERSE WOULD YOU WANT TO BE IN?

9. WHAT IS THE SCARIEST MOMENT OF YOUR LIFE?

10. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE IN THIS WORLD THAN ANYTHING ELSE?

im tagging: @thatlittlered, @ardentmuse, @acciosnapes, @lotsoffandomimagines, @collecting-stories, @blog-of-a-multitude-of-fandoms, @naughtyneganjdm, @lenahellgizibe and two random followers @spiritsent, @sucker-for-my-fandoms

i was tagged by @writing-with-melon again ty btw, ps i felt so much pressure lol jk 😊

Rules: Answer 5 questions, Ask 5 questions, Tag 5 people.

1. What is your favorite book?

fifty shades of grey hahaha naw my favorite book is obv you all know this is series of unfortunate events but i never usually cry period and i never cry for books ever so when i read mrs. tom thumb by melanie benjamin, its the part when her sister minnie dies i cried so hard idk it was just emotional the wording the way she described her pain it was so beautiful written yet so sad and that was just amazing to me cuz im like this book made me feel things and im like wow i would love to write a book one day and make someone feel something whether it be sadness anger happiness annoyance anything they are having an emotion and that is super powerful to do that with just words. pls go check out that book its a good read. also im a fan of the greatest showman so i really enjoyed it. there are many other books tho that i thoroughly enjoy so much. 

2. What piece that you’ve written are you most proud of?

oh my god ive always wanted to be asked this question hands down i am always proud of my platonic gender neutral tony stark fic called in·con·sol·a·ble window to me i wrote it so sad and i was feeling like depressed lol when i saw peter die in infinity war like i didnt know what to do with my life tbh but im so glad that @impetrichorny requested it tysm i just like how its not based on romance or fluff or happiness it is based on when you lose someone the nightmares and sadness you go through and that there is nothing nobody can do about it except just be there for that person so i really like writing angst and something that was out of the box. ive been thinking tho of doing a part two since the fate of all the characters has changed after endgame. who knows tho. 

3. What is the last song that inspired you? 

well for art it would have to good news by mac miller when i did that kobe bryant memorial on my art page. i dont want to give it away though but ill just say some very powerful womens music inspired my oc writing and making. 

4. How do you feel about letting people read what you write?

at first i was scared cuz i thought i wrote like trash which that feeling kinda doesnt go away like some days i feel that way others i feel confident or it depends on the request it just depends but anyways i was always insecure about my writing so when i started writing it was more like lets see how this goes if not ill delete the whole page. im glad to say it went great but in the begging it was hard cuz i kept putting myself down but i learned to accept or just understand that you keep learning with writing you always learn knew things with writing how you can explain something better or you words get more intricate and people see the improvement and you do too thats why i applaud those who dont speak english that english isnt their first language. you are doing a tremendous job and keep practicing cuz you’re gonna make it to the top. ive also learned that some days are not my days and you can take time off when youre not feeling it when you have writers block. just recollect your juices sip some tea go to the beach relax your mind a little and take as long as you need to come back and give it your all. also comments and reblogs and likes a follows those meant so much to me and encouraged me. thats why i cant express it enough how much all those mean to writers, artist, photographers, anybody who is truly trying their hard in this area of social media. its makes a person happy smile and confident in their writing but first train your mind into loving what you make not what others thing. you have to be happy with the outcome that is what truly matters and what makes your writing the best. look at me getting philosophical. 

5. Do you get distracted easily? If yes with what?

yes and with porn haha i get distracted easily like very easily homeschooling was really tough for me. music distracts me, netflix, the urge to watch david dobrik or unus annus or buzzfeed unsolved on youtube, heck my farts distract me. i gotta be like troy bolton i gotta get my HEAD IN THE GAME!

MY QUESTIONS:

1. IF YOU COULD BE NAMED SOMETHING ELSE, WHAT WOULD YOU BE NAMED?

2. WHAT PERSON INSPIRES YOU THE MOST?

3. IF YOU KNEW THE WORLD WAS ENDING TOMORROW WHAT WOULD YOU DO TODAY?

4. WHAT DO YOU OFTEN THINK ABOUT IN THE SHOWER?

5. WHATS YOUR WEIRD COMBINATION FOOD?

im tagging: @thatlittlered​, @ardentmuse​, @acciosnapes​, @lotsoffandomimagines​, @collecting-stories​ AND WHOEVER WANTS TO DO THIS IF YOU FOLLOW ME OR LIKE MY STORIES TAG ME ILL READ YOUR ANSWERS. HOPE I DID THIS RIGHT SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING MWUAH 

[detectivehole]

Go comic feral, i followed this blog for a rEASOn and it's bc i like to hear your random vents and rants and also you reblog cool stuff. But i digress, go comic feral i am hERE for it

fine

PETER PARKER BEING RICH IS STUPID  he didnt even ern what he has himself it was nt even himn he wasnt in his body maybe if i had got to see him start fron nothing to being a cool ceo or whatever id be able to stand it but nooooooo he just GOT is for nothing so it feels stupid like “ha ha what if like tony stark haha” its DUMB and i haven’t read a spider man comic for a long time

deadpool/spiderman crossover comic bad. feels out of character a lot. funny concept and full of funny jokes but as far as characterization its bad in my opinion- was made to capitalize off the hype of the ship and we all know it

don cates should be banned from writing comics bc he fucking sucks and ill never forgive him for what he did/tried to do to venom

deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good dea

the venom movie was a lot of fun but it was very ooc a lot HOWEVER seeing some of the cut scenes and scripts you can see that it used to be actually fairly in character for the comics but a lot of scenes with eddie establishing himself as not actually the most nicest of guys (not that eddie isnt a nice guy deep down but he is a good amount fucked up with a big ol hero complex and a problem with ‘i can do no wrong” mentality sometimes) were cut and considering how the fandom for the movie treats him i can see why the cut those bits out bc i dont think movie goers would have liked him as much wich is a shame bc he is a good guy at the end of the day just fucked up

straight white male comic fans are the worst people in the world and breaking their fingers is a daydream i indulge in 

matt murdock is a himbo

foggy nelson is a good man who deserves better friends

i can tell what deadpool comics someone has read based on how they characterize wade in their fan works and i have a 80% success rate with it. the most common was the daniel way run but now its the spider-man/deadpool crossover series

soulda used miles for the mcu spidey instead of cannibalizing his story for parts like they did. dick move, Disney

mcu bad

i think just the idea of dc’s Red Tool is fucking hilarious but i dont like his character at all

batman and superman should fuck but they wont :/

matt and foggy should to but the comic industry is afraid of making long running characters lgbt bc theyre WEAK

deadpool need a canon bf they cant keep telling us hes pan and not showing us for reals- hell he could just go on one date or be shown having a one night stand or something- something beyond a damn joke

cable gay. no i will not listen to any other opinions.

im excited to read moon knight i have a book waiting i just have to finish my current one

SCUD the disposable assassin is the most underrated comic EVER and i LOVE IT however i think it ended stupid and bad however it went on fucking hiatus for like a decade and then was rapped up really fast so any ending is a godsend

i desperately want a long-form stand alone series abt wanda wilson bc shes the perfect foil for a good Feral Dumbass Woman comic. think abt it; shell sell immediately bc of recognizable brand, and then she can just go on violent stupid adventures without any of the other dp corps. it doenst have to line up with any canon i just want insane lady dp adventure comic. this is an unreasonable dream but mine none the less

i though that agent venom was stupid

tank girl is fucking amazing and i love it i never understand whats going on and i enjoy the confusion

reading early hulk comics feels like watching a weird, poorly produced old black and white sci-fi soap

there needs to be better, more easily accessed, official reading-order guides published and posted on the walls of comic shops everywhere

the 80s and 90s were the best time for marvel comics and no one can tell me otherwise. that was peak comic time

the worst time for comics was the 2000s and early 2010s

sometimes i am shocked by the art that gets the editors pass in comics. some of it is so bad and im not even talking about the disproportionate ladies

the lego marvel and dc movies are way better than the live action movies and im not even being sarcastic

seriously the 2000s made some horrible comics

i feel like committing acts of mass violence every time someone says comics arnt real reading/stories/implies theyre worth less of any value than a novel

i read the first deadpool comic i got so much that the art itself is so ingrained in my mind that people have shown my just the corners of panels and ive identified them correctly

i distinctly remember the first time the woman at the book store stopped asking me for parental permission to buy the comics i was getting (12yos) because i went there so often that she just remembered who i was and that the adult would say its fine

i refuse to talk about comics with people at cons because i am gatekept or flirted with every single time no matter what and there is no in between. and yea its because i have tits. youd think that eventually theyd learn but gross comic men never do and all the others have adopted the same policy as me so the closest i come to positive comic interaction at cons is standing in the same vicinity as another chick, looking at the same section, and the kinda smiling at each other

i think the avengers are boring. really really boring. the x-men are way better

i related to gwenpool too much when she first started and it scared/offended me so i stopped reading for a while until her character developed more and we stooped being so similar

i have spider-man bedding. i picked it out only a few months ago. its good it makes me feel cool in a very uncool way

watching spider-man as a kid made me wanna be a scientist. watching batman as a kid made me want to do martial arts. i ended up failing chemistry and falling on my face a lot instead.

i had a huge venom toy and a huge spiderman toy as a kid and while i did make them fight a lot i also made them hug just as much. i wanted them to be friends

on that note PETER IS MEAN TO THE SYMBIOTE NOW AND HE DONT EVEN HAVE A REASON NO MORE hes just such a dick about criminal reform eddie and the symbiote aint special with this- he says he believes people can be better but he really doesnt show it. he tends to think people are set in their ways and while this makes sense forthe most part considering how much hewas bullied as a kid/adult (that also contributes to his mild “i protect my own” mentality  tho at least he consciously fights that one) it stil pisses me off

i can think way more but i need to sleep i think

[mybiasisexo]

😍 MUTUAL APPRECIATION 🤤

HELLO~! So this is my first ever mutual appreciation post. ive been wanting to make one for a long time bc whether you've been following me for years or weeks, I genuinely enjoy the connection that is a mutual following. most of yall ive never talked to before but thats not gonna stop me from showering you with affection!! I hope we can all stay like this for a while!! im giving you a virtual hug rn and its gonna be long so dont get uncomfortable!!! bless you all and hope you have a great 2019!!!!!  💓❣️💕💖💗💘💙💚💛💜💝💞🧡❤️🖤😍💟

@baekberrie - soft 😌. so so soft for bbh and I appreciate that and need more of it in my life. your stories always make me feign for him in the worst/best way! Keep up the good work!!! *standing ovation*

@baek-me-right - you say you're a suhoe I say where??? no but tbh you have a url I just know when I see it. a rare multi fandom blog I can obviously tolerate, its not too much. Well balanced like my diet lacks. Anyways, I hope that in the future we can get well acquainted 😊

@baekphia - tbh???? im still shooketh. You’re one of the most popular exo blogs and you follow lil ol me. I feel bad tho cause I'm always late to the party so you'll prob never reblog anything from me but aye hopefully my tags make up for it 😬! I hope that we can talk soon~🙃

@bitten-by-the-kai-lovebug - RIN! you were the first friend I made on here so you will always have a special place in my heart. you are also the only friend on here that has a tag name with me in it (if you ever want to revisit our convos its under rinjin). hope all is going well! I know you out there grinding! hit me up whenever you're on so we can catch up!!

@blvenight - a shinee mutual. You keep my heart full and I love your tags, especially ksoo ones cause SAME

@brokeandjetlagged - I want to be your friend sooooo bad 😭. you're not on much but your stories are a1. when I first found you I was reading one of your sehun stories and it was so similar to the one I had just posted and I remember hoping you didnt think I stole the idea from you cause I didnt!! I promise!!! anyways I look forward to more of your works and hope to see you on more!!

@byunfirstlady- you are one if not the biggest supporters of mine! Whenever I post any of my writings its def with you in mind!! I hope that you continue to enjoy my stories, cause I will always enjoy your feedback!! Thank you!

@cave-0 - lmaooo idk if I should actually be tagging you in this but since we are mutuals it is what it is. the only person I know irl that follows this god awful blog. I love you. I miss you. thanks for not reading my tags to me in person lmao

@certifiedtostaystrapped - well, you're me. I love you binch!!! lets get this bread!!!

@chaisoo - a cutie??? a cutie 😌. we love a stan. I’m happy you were able to be blessed by yixing’s presence and love watching you fangirl haha. 

@chanbaektiful - you're as multifandom as it gets and I respect that!!! Its odd bc I feel like I dont see you a lot on my dash :/. if you ever need to fangirl with someone over exo--particularly chanyeol, you know where to find me 👀

@g-exo - firstably you are so adorable. Your writing is adorable. the way you ‘talk’ is adorable and im sorry im a shit replier. take care of yourself girlie and hit me up whenever you need to vent about anything. I’m not that great with advice BUT im an awesome listener

@jeulgi - you're perfect. thats it!! haha but yeah I feel like you havent really been on here much this year. I miss seeing you on my dash! But I get it. You’ve introduced me to so many things and I appreciate the love you have for all of it but most importantly exo of course 

@jhopeismybutthole - GIRL!! we've been mutuals for awhile. we havent talked much if at all but I still consider you a close mutual lmao. See you're still doing the reactions, keep up the good work!!!!

@jodecicryforluna - live for the url live for the quality blog 🤷🏾‍♀️. you're right and you should say it!!!

@jongiinns - IVY!!!!! a long time mutual whom I love and adore. I see you popping in from time to time but I dont wanna harass you lmao. know that I miss you tho and am always thinking of you ❤️

@kais-ride-or-die - pretty sure you're inactive but still a mutual nonetheless. hope all is going well!!!!

@kanye-hyung - first I am LIVING for your url. everytime I see it I just like get hyped yknow? we've been mutuals for a while which is wild bc idk if we've ever talked but thats ok! maybe some day in the future that'll change! keep up the quality content bb!!! 

@korean-ninja-penguin - everything about your blog is so nonchalant and like yeah and I adore it. you stick to your word on bringing us quality humor and Kpop even sometimes blending the two and I respect that ✊🏾

@ksoosheaux - you're so pretty! and you remind me a lot of myself cause we the same age and both have October bdays and are both from Florida and our lil sisters are the same age too!! You're another one I find really intimidating which is so lame cause I feel we have so much in common! 

@kyungsooskhakipants - I forgot we were mutuals cause I didn’t think you followed me :/. I live for your tags!! I’ll try to hit you up often to fangirl with haha

@kyungtoe - did you change your url recently 🤔??? imma be honest I have no idea who you are and ive been following you for a while. im sorry :/. hopefully we can change that tho!!!!

@kyungwhore - you're on hiatus rn but hopefully when you come back you'll see this 😊. You're lowkey intimidating haha you seem to have a great circle of friends on here which is nice! I hope all is well and that you come back better than ever!!!

@laysoo-l - imma be real with you rn... I love you. we barely talk but I love you and thats that on that!

@mininjas - JAS!!!! now im not gonna be mad that you left me for a real life man. I understand like thats the ultimate goal. but 2016 really bonded us and I mean we facetimed each other when I was drunk and tbh nothing will ever beat that for me 😭. I miss you so much and hope that we can meet in person some day!!!

@oh-ottoke - Hello??? I feel like we’ve been mutuals for a while. I KNOW your icon haha. You are one of the few bts stans I follow, which says a lot lmao. Glad you’re doing your thing. Hope to continue seeing you on my dash!!! 

@panic-hispanic-at-the-disco - you are my meme queen!!! whenever I need a good laugh your blog will never disappoint!!! thank you for your service lmao 

@park-chanyeezy - you're not on much but I think you mentioned something about changing that???? if so it will be great to see you on my dash again. if not, I understand, be free my lil birdie!!!

@puervy - I live for your aesthetic. Everything about your blog is so beautiful. We’ve never talked before, but I've been watching out for you. Glad everything seems to be going well!! Hit me up whenever you want to talk about life or just fangirl about exo!!!

@ravyeolii - another one of my writing supporters!! You’re awesome! and we def need to talk more outside of the writing realm! Hit me up whenever! Lets talk!!

@sehun-ist - I dont think you're on here anymore but there really isn't anyone that I know that loves sehun with as much passion as you and thats the tea on that!!!

@simplesunbeam - do you know what Kpop is?? lmao well either way you have a beautifully inspiring blog and thats why im still here!!!

@sleepytea5 - dimon.... you are literally the only person who I tried desperately to get to follow me lmao. I remember trying to impress you for so long cause I wanted to be your friend so bad!!! you are one of my og mutuals. its interesting to see how you've grown throughout the years. I know you've been going through it, but I believe in you and hope for your happiness. love you 💖

@stars-in-the-galaxy - now correct me if im wrong but you're kind of one of those silent bloggers. I see you. I appreciate you. lets make this bread!!

@the-pizza-lich - STEVIE!!! I feel like you're my older sister lmao. we need to fangirl over exo more thats a FACT ☝🏾. you always speak your truth and are so intellectual yet so funny. you always have me dying!!!! we've been mutuals for a long while and im so glad 💜

@timetohajima - the astrology queen! I want to get into astrology so bad ever since I found your blog! I really want to get my chart read also so I need to learn quickly. I’m glad you’re feeling better and pray your health stays on the good side! 

@tinypcy - no complaints here! awesome blog! we've been mutuals for a long time but havent ever really talked which is a shame 🚶🏾‍♀️

@xiuminsmygrandpa - your blog is a1. its quality content across the board!! Unfortunately thats all I got so we def need to talk and change that!!

@yeolaconda - you're not on as much but its ok bc that url will forever be #Iconic

@yourmajestyqueenchelseachels - jbs goddess!!! You are so funny and pretty and lovely. A breath of fresh air!! I know you out there rn grinding and im hoping for the best!! next time you go to Korea tho pls take me thanks!!! haha

@yubarikai - NIKKI WHERE ARE YOU?!!?!? I miss you :/. pls come back so we can fangirl over kai more pls thanks love you 😥

[maureenbrown]

spy au w/ saphael

war with love

so simon is a spy and everything

he gets sent to be roomies with raphael and befriend him

and then to go to a wedding where valentine will be there and take him out

and at first everything is cute! and domestic and fluffy!

like they meet in chapter one and backgrounds are established

and in chapter two they get a little bit more domestic where simon is a night owl and raphael has these late shifts and falls asleep on simon

and then theres a city tour!! and near the end there is this open mic singing thing and so obviously they go bc simon and raphael sings and simon is just w o w

meeting!! raphaels!! friends!! and learning more about the past. and this wanting to learn spanish for raphael and also a fancyish meal

raphael learns that simon is learning spanish and teases him lke a lil loser but is also really happy. then they find vida mia snow and sim gets sad bc he doesnt wanna leave raphael ever

then theres more opening up (via viddia atta girl) and their first kiss and stuff. or maybe that hapens in the last chapter idk. simon also gets a job at a flowers place NERD

he gets flowers for like. everything

they go out shopping and also they go out clubbing and simon gets drunk and he makes out with someone who isnt raphael and has sex by mistake

bc now they’re exclusive and raphael is sosososo upset and that trust is betrayed

and they fight and simon feels like shit and he almost leaves bc valentine isnt worth this pain

but he stays. raphael is worth it. vidia is worth it.

its super awkward tension bt it slowly defuses down and raphael finally is willing to talk

and he forgives simon bc he will always forgive simon

and they fall into a familier patter and simon finally meets raph’s family

and then its the pre wedding days where again flower everywhere and theres a job loss confession on raphael’s behalf poor bby

they get matching outfits and simon is reminded of his mission and so he does it well and thats good

and wedding day huge slurs are also thrown around a possible fight but its all okay.

and then simon finds out raphael is an assassin and his next mark is simon so he runs with vidia.

end of war with love.

relationships with other characters

magnus bane

magnus knows both parties and will not take sides

he consoles raphael and his heart goes out to simon

when raphael decides to leave the orginzation magnus supports him and gives him lita

raphael spends years looking for simon but he never asks magnus bc he would never pressure his friend like that

he also knows about lita and loves her and is like a father to her

lightwood siblings

alec finds out thru magnus and after a while he listens

and he realizes that yeah raphael is a lil shit but hes alsoa good person

not all monsters do terrible things and so he develops a relationship and in actuality he also uses raphael to make sure simon and his family stay safe

eventually izzy finds out bc alec can never keep anything fro her

and izzy and raphael!! have a great friendship!!

they speak spansh to each other and are so comfortable with each other and are so good in fighting and sparring

and its so awkward when simon finds out that they knew this whole time but never said anything

but neither of them would betray the other bc friendship

clace

they never knew about raph

and are super pissed with simon

but they work with him and as time goes on they get a little bit easier with him

mydia

so this is in another universe and like mia and raphael have a pretty damn good relationship

and he tells her and she comforts him when hes at his lowest

she and lydia have a thing and its so secretive no one knows [but raph, and magnus. and simon shh]

and lydia is besties with simon in this universe and kinda found out on accident??

shes a spy ffs she overheard some shit and investigated

it led to a h u g e mydia fight

regardless they made up and they also kinda know the story individually and arent taking sides

they just love both people want want the bet i love them

mia and vidia get along great once the initial shock is over tbqh its awesome

and like mia and lita already besties so its a+

vidia mia rose [backstory]

so saphael fund this poor baby girl all abandoned and obviously took her in

simon wanted to name her after a disney fairy FUCKING NERD but raphael wanted to name her after his sister and so they came to a compromise where her first name would be vidia and her middle name mia after IZZY!! SISTER! OC!!! and her last name snow bc they found her on a bench and she was so delicately wrapped she looked so soft

they took her in and raphael is really good with kids with and simon is so!!

her mother couldnt take care of her she left a note and its so movie-like its almost sounds fake.

since they dont know her birthday they decided it would be on the day they found her.

gay. as. hell.

BIRTHDAY:

FANCAST: zendaya

vidia mia rose [personality]

nicknames include: dia, viddie (it was a dumb nickname by jace bye) and mini mia or mm! by raphael and lita calls her snow (no one else)

shes likes a gryffindor - ravenclaw

like a hanna marin x aria montgomery

shes extremely stubborn in her eays and refuses to back down even if she knows that shes in the wrong

and like really reckless and does dangerous things just for the fun of it

she also would die for her friends and family (she hates that raphael is a part of that)

and like really quick witted which is why she and lita clash so much at first

and shes so lazy but knows randm facts about random things

shes so into history and loves analyzing things bye

shes also really gifted musically wise like she can sing and since simon always sang and played guitar she did too

but there s some raphael in her like she ended up playing piano instead. and like i said really protective and quickwitted

she wants to be remembered for something and wants to do great things but also?? nothing is special about her (or so she thinks)

tales of a fairy;; vidia mia snow

lita aubree snow [backstory]

she was in the system and it sucked

so she ran away and tried to pickpocket magnus bane and obviously failed

but he saw the potential in her and didnt wanna turn her into a spy so he gave her to raphael and she became like his right hand man

shes met all of his family and has trained with him and honestly?? there is no one she trusts more

she doesnt see him as a father figure tho. like a teacher yeah mentor would be the better word

and she thinks that she owes him everything

raphael sees her skill set bc obviously she can thieve p well and he hones in the pick pocketing better. and shes also a grifter

she loves raphael, she loves the family that she found on her own

even tho shes hella insecure about who she is and why her parents dont love her

BIRTHDAY:

FANCAST: janella salvador

lita aubree snow [personality]

nicknames include: lina, las, or any of her other identities, bree (usually raphael only), and when she and vidia are going at it, mine or reeree [aubREE] bc nERDS

shes like raphael and magnus a huffie slytherin

like sophie deveroux but more sarcastic x alison dilaurentis?

shes really patient and can wait to get what she wants. and can enetrain herself for hours/days

shes really charismatic people are just drawn in, and they /want/ to meet her

and thats where her manipulative side comes out like gets people to trust her and then uses it to her advantage

she teases and knows how to use people. shes so cunning and also doesnt know who she is

shes a grifter and has so many facades but who is she really? is she a good person? lita is so insecure about herself and its the worst she gets really bad

shes hardworking and puts her heart and soul into things and also will defend the people she loves

and thats where she and vidia clash so much

shes also really flirtatious (thanks to magnus) and flirts with everyone bc secrets and she likes to hook up

it takes a lot to get her trust and if you break up you done son.

she wants to be someone people whisper about years from now but. is she a good enough person?

pansexual and hooks up with anyone cute

flowers blooming in winter;; lita aubree snow

fairys and flowers destroy each other

battlescars  young god  anything you can do i can do better  give your heart a break  

[parkjmini]

bts as fuckboys

[a/n]: inspired by @sweetersuga  | original post: x i wrote it as the perspective that you’re already close friends w them/have been with them before !!

Seokjin

he’s the funny, sarcastic one where he could be kind of mean bc he takes it a lil far

“you’re such trash you sleep with every girl”

“at least I can get someone to sleep with me”

he flashes a smile in the hall bc he KnOws iT GeTs oN YouR NeRveS

“When’s my birthday”

“January 1st bc u set off my fireworks baby”

“i am disgusted”

piggy back rides on those goddamn strong broad set of shoulders ooffff

“I’ll call you, ya?”

He never calls u bc he probably forgot too busy improvin himself

you have a streak with him and all he sends are selfies with the caption “I hope your day is as beautiful as I am (:”

He catches you staring in class one day and he’s like “take a pic, it’ll last longer babe”

And omg he ACTUALLY TELLS YOU TO TAKE A PHOTO OF HIM

so now u have a gallery full of jin and he wont let u delete them bc he thinks they’re all masterpieces you do too but youd never admit it

the only fuckboy that’s tolerable bc he’s rlly just a big goof 

“why don’t you ever have sleeves on your shirt jin”

“these shoulders are on display, honey, can’t cover up the jewels”

he’s kind of obnoxiously loud that u want to shove ur fist into his mouth to sh u t  him uP 

“dude, jimin’s hot”

“okay but so am i ??”

“ok ya youre really hot but so is jimin”

“jiMIN (Y/N) THINKS YOU’RE—-”

“–ANNOYING THANKS SEOKJIN PLS SHUT UP WHY R U STILL TALKING WOW”

“just trying to get my baby some more dick jeEZ”

Yoongi

“hey yoongs why dont we go on a date??”

“uuhhhhhh since when were we dating? lmao dont trip” 

gets a new number every 2 months bc he loves fucking w them crazy bitches too much

“sometimes you need to mess around with the ones who can bite off your dick, being risky is hot (-;”

“BEinG riSkY iS hOt ya u wont have a penis anymore at the rate you’re going”

kind of smells like a mixture of alcohol and cologne 

hand-on-ass-when-he-hugs

“let’s play a game, if u lose u have to take off ur clothes, if i lose u have to take off ur clothes”

“wait but yours stay on ?? wtf yoongi??”

“no mine will come off right after i see u naked (;”

the one to play with the ends of your skirt/dress/shirt bc it gets u so flustered and he lives seeing u flustered 

straight up Arrogantᵀᴹ at times its hot but ur so annoyed by it that u wanna knock some sense into him

wont ask for nudes but will ask to see some goods

“can i see ur tits”

“for the 4039th time, no”

“well, a man can try”

SMIRKY MC SMIRKY HERE like it just comes OUT of NOWHERE and it is OUT to ATTAC 

u dont have a snap streak w him bc it always breaks bc he replies every 3 years bc he was “busy”

but he’s always the fourth person to like your instagram posts???????

and to comment the water droplet/eye/tongue emoji combo ????

loves when u swat his hands away from gripping your thigh 

Hoseok

(i wanted to use this gif but it was so big and rectangle and didnt fit but u need to see that gif to really take in the fuckboy bc i cannot find a representation as accurate as that gif is)

always greeting you whenever he sees you

“hey babygirl”

“hoseok we just saw each other in chemistry”

“ok and????? can’t i say hi to my baby?”

“but im not”

“lmao every girl is my baby”

raises his eyebrows any time you fix your dress or your shirt

asks to borrow a pencil and never returns it

“where is my pencil hoseok”

“where is my kiss (y/n)”

“we didnt agree to that”

“well i didnt agree to give it back”

“dO u NoT kNOW whAT BoRRoW meANS”

loves to share so he shares a lot of his snacks with u

“omg i love snacks!!”

“oh baby me too” and trust me, he’s not talking about the food

has the brightest, kindest smile so it catches you off guard when he says some snarky fuckboy comment

loves physical contact !!!!! always has a hand on your back, or shoulder, or thigh, or hand, or arm

lip LICKING PARDON ME HIS TONGUE IS UNCONTROLLABLE

lets you wear his hats/jackets/hoodies bc he thinks youre sooo cute in his clothes

he walks around school with his hands in his pockets like a doUCHEBAG

catches you off guard by spinning you around with his arm around your waist 

uses the line “im a dancer” to get girls what an eyeroll

the type to drag you onto the middle of the dance floor at a club just so he could show off his skillz which are actually super bomb like even ur impress and uve seen them 308443 times

he got that sweatpants dick print 

Namjoon

changes his contact name to Daddy on your phone

Mr. Ass Man he loves ass ASS ASS ASS SO MUCH ASS BIGGEST ASS LOVER

“oh shit did you see her ass”

“look here bootylover123 stfu”

winks at you a lot in the halls 

“do you have a fucking eye problem namjoon”

“its a wink” 

“u do it so much that im beginning to think youre eye is having a spasm 

lets you copy his homework if he got a hug in return

the type to comment a peach emoji on your instagram photos even if there is no butt involved

loves when you sit on his lap 

one time there weren’t enough seats on the bus and he patted his leg for you to sit

“i know you hate standing (y/n), take a seat itll be fine”

“why can’t u be a gentleman and give up your seat for me?”

*alMOST CHOkES from LAUGHING* “me???!!! a gentleman??? wow u expect too much, just sit your big ass down on daddy’s lap or suffer standing”

buys you lunch bc he loves showing off his e x p e n s i v e w a l l e t 

he could go from having a full blown brilliant monologue as to why he exists to giggling about how your moles r arranged into the shape of a penis 

calls girls mami or ma 

asks for ass pics at like 1:32 AM 

and u send him pictures of ur elbow crease 

and he actually thinks its ur butt

BLASTS baby makin music from his car and causes a public disturbance 

has the highest count of broken beds, not bc of a high body count, but bc he actually breaks the bed everytime he sleeps w someone

Jimin

spaces out when ur wearing a low cut top bc hes too busy staring at ur cleavage 

his streak snaps are either mirror pics, his abs, mirror pic of his abs, and occasional dick pics

“wanna play 20 questions (;”

“we’ve played 20 questions like 20 times already”

“ok gr8 ill start first: will u let me hit it from the back??”

offers to netflix and chill all the time and it sux bc he actually knows all ur fav shows

ok let me reiterate, jimin knows all ur favorite anythings bc he listens to u 75% of the time bc he thinks ur voice is sexy 

will never fail to compliment you when u look good 

“damn baby, is this all for me????”

“no i just dont want to look like a hobo today”

gets super jealous when any other guys speak to u even tho hes piping down like 8 other girls 

“jimin they’re my frIENDS ur not even my bf why u tripping”

“they arent acting like theyre ur friends. i know fuckboy behavior when i see it (y/n) its my occupation, i do the same shit w girls”

“thats good then, someone else wants me too”

“not good bc ur HOT ASS IS MINE )-:”

youre saved as #1 babygirl on his phone no objections

walks into class with a new hickey in a new place every day 

he has SEX EYES u could never look him directly in the eyes bc theyre so captivating 

fucking walks like an arrogant prick down the hall and whistles when u pass 

brags about his big dick when its honestly not as exaggerated as he says 

has a picture of you in one of his shirts as his homescreen wallpaper 

Taehyung

“i wont show anyone, im not messed up like that” yea be careful w this one honey, pretty sure jungkook, hobi, yoongs, namjoon all know how ur tits look like

has the perfect innocent face where u have no idea that he’s fucking 4 other girls

always responds after 12 am and calls u at 3 am 

“tae im fucking sleeping”

“damn thats hot what else u doin??”

“hanging up on u goodbye im going to block ur number”

“pls don-”

uses the line, “i just dont think we’re compatible” on E V Ery GIRL 

offers to hangout but never follows up with it bc he’s never seen out in public with a girl unless its his momma 

“jasmine is telling everyone you gave her chlamydia, u get checked bro??”

“dont worry about it”

body count means a lot to him 

loves hugs bc he likes feeling boobs squished against him

sometimes INTENTIONALLY lowers his voice bc he KNOWS ur into that shit 

thinks youre playing hard to get when rlly u just dont care lol

“i know u want all of this, (y/n)”

“i think ur mistaken”

“right bc i want all of u (:” 

“ya tae let’s not get ur feelings mixed w mine ok thx u”

NO SUCH THING AS PERSONAL SPACE the boy is a koala and will latch onto u 

Jungkook

the biggest fuckboy of them all

has slept w almost every girl in the school and is v proud of it

“what’s your name again”

“rlly jungCOCK” 

“ok (y/n) i know ur fkcing name so can u learn mine”

u dont think he’s ever had a gf b4 bc he doesnt believe in labels OR commitment which hes pretty vocal abt 

unlike jimin, he doesnt own up to his dick pics and swears that they were “”accidents””

SCrEENsHOTS! but ur smart so ur face is NEVER in ur pics

“who’s boobs r on ur phone kook”

“yours”

“you WOULDNT DARE”

“i dont have photogenic memory (y/n) i wanted to remember those cuties without a shirt on (;”

looks too fucking good w a fresh cut that u need to avoid him in the halls or ull melt to goo

only owns white tees and timbs lmao hahahaha 

smirks when you bend down to pick something up 

that or he yells, “one more time, babe!”

“wat u doin”

“showering”

“without me!!1???” 

he’s on tinder too so once he’s done with the sampling pool at school, he can broaden his horizons 

a car enthusiast and will get offended if u dont think his rims r cool

thinks youre really hot when you yell at him or hurt his feelings 

youre his prized possession bc he actually likes talking to u but will never admit it 

has a specific nickname for u that he doesnt call his other girls bc its YOURS !! 

“hey cutie”

“hey jungCOCK”

hates the nickname jungCOCK 

[evswiftie]

Full breakdown on how I relate look what you made me do to all the past times I've been sexually assaulted

" I don't like your little games" -When I was 11 and swimming in the public pool at the YMCA and this 30 year old man asked if he could play with me in the pool and pick me up and throw me in the water but he "had to touch me here first (he digitally raped me) ( I didnt even know what a Vagina is or does as that age) -When I was 12 and my dads best friend who lived in my house would tell my parents he would watch after me when they went out but instead forcibly touched me and made me touch him. And he would bang on my bedroom door when I was pressing up against it shut because it didn't have a lock, he would offer me to play outside with him on my trampoline just so he could be on top of me and suck in my nipples again but I screamed to leave me alone. When the guy in sophomore year of high school who I had my first real big crush on told me I could trust him so I told him all about my life and he was my first kiss but then right after, he threw me on the ground grabbed my hand and made me give him a hand job and then went around school taunting me by mocking me with my secrets I told him and told people I was a slut. And he call me during the middle of the night threatening that if I didn't send him nudes he would make worse rumors and spread them around. When the 20 year old guy who took my virginity from me raped me when I was 16 tried to email me, text me and follow me on Instagram as if time passing had changed everything. BITCH DONT TALK TO ME. When the guy who molested me outside of a bar gave me the excuse the next day that he was to drunk to know what he was doing even though I saw him get in his car and drive away and text me that night he made it home safe. IF YOURE SOBER ENOUGH TO DRIVE YOURE SOBER ENOUGH TO NOT SEXUALLY MOLEST SOMEONE WHO IS TO INTOXICATED TO STAND STRAIGHT. " I don't like your tilted stage " AKA an uneven playing field. When the guy who "had to" digitally rape me in the YMCA swimming pool knew i was to young to know what was happening to me and I was easy to listen to adults so he told me not tell anyone so I stayed quiet about it until I was 17. -When the guy who was my dads best friend knew I was a caring kid and wouldnt tell anyone so my dad wouldn't loose a friend so he took advantage of me. And when I finally told my dad and he made his friend come to the house to confront him DUDE WAS SPEAKING 100% Spanish so I couldnt know what he was saying against me. -When the guy I trusted in high school majorly taunted me outside school and was so sneaky about how he did on school grounds so he wouldnt get in trouble -When the guy who raped me at age 16 asked me if i was ready and I said "I dont know, I think I am" but he was controlling and forceful and went on top of me and I hated it and was to scared to run away or tell him to get off me. -When the guy who molested me outside the bar did it where no one could see and theres not cameras so there was no proof and he apologized the next day. "The role you made me play, of the fool, no I dont like you" All of these people made me play the delusional crazy girl whose making shit up for attention " i don't like your perfect crime, How you laugh when you lie -When I was tired of staying silent for ten years so I finally decided to report something horrible happening to me , at the age of 22 sobbing in the car feeling worthless and like nothing but a sex toy, like my feelings dont matter because all Ill ever be is my body and nothing more, I picked up the phone and called the police, they told me that because I was talking to the guy in the bar before him molesting me he probably thought I wanted it so they told me I should accept his apology. They told me that because I cant remember because I was to intoxicated to remember clearly if he forcibly grabbed my hand and put it down his pants or if I put my hands down there it doesn't even count as sexual assault. Even tho I KNO I was screaming to get out. "You said the gun was mine, isn't cool, no, I don't like you"(oh!) They always tell you to report things but then when you do they dont do anything to help "But I got smarter, I got harder in the nick of time, Honey, I rose up from the dead, I do it all the time" -After being denied of reporting my most recent sexual assault I was in hysterics sobbing in my car realizing that anyone can do anything they want to me and feel like such a low life and absolutely nothing and get away with it. Snot and tears were everywhere and I was messaging my friends saying I cant live like this anymore, whats the point? When Im just going to be tossed from guy to guy simply for their pleasure while they take my dignity from me, when all I get is cat called and harassed and pressured to give myself to them I lifted my head up and realize that if 22 year old erica can't get justice then 11year -16 year old Erica can, NO MATTER what those abusers say to deny it or beat around the bush they WILL go fucking down because I was a MINOR. And theyre not getting out of it with that crime "I've got a list of names and yours is in red, underlined" -after realizing im gonna come for blood I picked up the phone and called up the police dept and said I'm reporting a sexual assault from 10 years ago and this was at midnight when the police showed up at my house to get a written statement and proceeded to list off every other time I was sexually assaulted . To which the officer accused me of "cop shopping" BITCH YEA. Because I didn't get what I wanted from the first one. BITCH YOU RIGHT IM GONNA KEEP REPORTING IT UNTIL SOMEONE LISTENS. "I check it once, then I check it twice, oh" -Did they really sexually assault me if I didnt scream "no" and "rape" and push and shove my way out ? Yes okay ! Just gotta double check I know what happened to me before others tell me over exaggerating! "Ooh, look what you made me Look what you made me do Look what you just made me Look what you just made me Ooh, look what you made me Look what you made me do Look what you just made me Look what you just made me do" -the next morning after listing off these names to the rude police officer I slept until noon, got up in my grown up boss ass outfit, got in my red buggy and zoomed to the YMCA with my sunglasses feeling like a bad ass scene from a movie, I catwalked into the YMCA to the chorus of LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO and I said I need to see a manager and report an incident then that manager came over and I told her everything that happened in that public pool to me and she was dumb founded because they have a "no tolerance policy" "I don't like your kingdom keys, they once belonged to me, you asked me for a place, locked me out then threw a feast (WHAT?!)" -Every single one of these manipulating sexual abusers have affected me in so many ways for the rest of my life. I went to couseling in high school and my recent new Doctor , those two told me that a lot of how I act, talk and think has to do with the after affects and symptoms of being sexually abused and that a portion in my FUCKING BRAIN paused on developing and has a fog over it and cant pay attention to things and I am easily forgetful and space out way more often than the normal person. I DONT LIKE HOW THESE SICK FUCKS HAVE THE KEYS TO THE PERSON I AM TODAY. I don't like that the like psychos who molested me when I was a pre teen took something from me I never had,finding myself at such a crucial age and my confidence I had as a kid. "The world moves on, another day, another drama, drama." While I've been in the deep state of depression and feeling empty I stand there and notice how everyone else lives goes on and theyre happy mean while Im dead on the inside "But not for me, not for me, all I think about is karma" -But while Im standing there feeling like everyone can just pretend like it never happened to me even when I told them , I cant help but think of the the sexual abusers getting put in jail or getting their lives taken away from them because they deserve that. "And then the world moves on, but one things for sure Maybe I got mine, but you all get yours" -Maybe for now my karma for trying to go out for fun was to be molested by a boy ll be punished for what you did. " I don't trust nobody and nobody trusts me be the actress starring in your bad dreams I dont trust nobody and nobody trusts me" -when the boy in high school spread all these awful rumors about me and showed the nudes I sent him (because he threatened me) to his classes, I lost friends at school , no one wanted to talk to me and in return I was left being fearful for the rest of my life that anyone could leave me at any moment. .. " I don't trust nobody" -I turned to all the people whose ever told me " I'll be there for you if you ever need anything "but when that something i need is to tell someone about how I was sexually assaulted they tell everything except things that will actually lift my soul up and make me feel better but no one cares enough to actually check up on me after hearing a horrible traumatic thing happening to me because I don't have the energy to come to people myself every day and come forward on how low I feel. I had people tell me to "just go home" when I'd call them up sobbing in my car and ask them if I could come over for them to comfort me. I've had people literally leave me because I confronted them about only sending me a sad face or "I'm sorry" and nothing more. LIKE. MAYBE SEND ME THE CLEAN SOEECH IDK. I'm desperate to hear some words of encouragement but no people HATE confrontation So much they'll just leave me instead of owning up and offering me anything more then a sad face through a text and their sympathy. "I'll be the actress starring in your bad dreams" -Im coming for revenge , I'm gonna make you pay for what you did to me so I'll be in your nightmares "I'm sorry the old Erica can't come to the phone right now, why? OH , cuz she's dead" It's been months since I was sexually assaulted last and the scared old fragile me is dead and I'm becoming this new fierce woman who protects myself. I have two open sexual assault cases open right now and I'm looking for mental health help and okay, I'm overly distracted , it's like there's this fog over my mind and I can't see or think clearly and it's affecting my every day life, I can't do well at work and when I'm in a normal conversation , and cry myself to sleep when I feel worthless. But I've found time can heal most anything. P.s Taylor I admire you so much for defending yourself during your sexual assault trial, I heard you got sassy.. I would have to... it's pretty annoying when you have to relive the incident numerous amount of times and people don't believe you so you have to say it over and over again until you just start to cry because you just want justice. My parents didn't report to the police about the guy who was my dads best friend touching me when I was 12 because they knew all the interviews and questions I would be asked and they didn't want me to relive it m, I was 12 and scared..... 10 years later I got the guts to do but only because i can't live like his anymore unneeded something to matter so i went for justice, I had a interview for a detective and police man in an office in the police station, it was video recorded and everything, they asked me about every little detail of all the 4 times he molested me, it was awful and I cried so much during the whole thing I told them how he took something away from me I never really had as a 12 year old.. my confidence and finding who I am. And saying that out loud made me cry even more but I felt like it was necessary to say so they could believe me and see how much he hurt me. They said it's going to take a long to time to be able to find the him and when they do I need to be prepared for him to deny it and if so we might go to court. I Do NOT have the money for that at all but taylor, I heard you are donating to foundations that help girls defend themselves and I might have to use that and in SO BEYOND THANKFUL. For those foundations and for you helping out. They thanked me for my time and as the detective walked me out to the the main door she said " maybe you'll be able to inspire other girls and let them know it's never to late to report it" and in that moment I felt so inspired... now I feel SO passionate about being a mental health advocate, I have my AA degree so I'll be going back to college and get my psychology degree. I'm gonna kick ass. P.s.s I'm sorry if this post triggered anyone with anything I talked about but I really wanted to let taylor know how I relate to her music P.s.s Taylor i am SO sorry for what you had to go through being sexually assaulted, it really does turn a light off on your personality and I wish I could just take all your pain away, you have been there for me through EVERYTHING and I just want to be there for you and hold your hands through every step . @taylorswift

[izloveshorses]

Here's everything I love about the Anastasia Musical (Part One)

So!! I've finally collected my thoughts and was able to list out everything I love about this musical (this was supposed to be limited to like 5 songs but I couldn't pick just a handful bc they're ALL SO GOOD). Keep in mind, I haven't seen it live yet, just listened to the album and watched that First Look preview hundreds of times. Pleeease don't mention any spoilers or anything bc I really wanna go see it for myself some day! Warning: long post lol

The first few notes of Prologue: Once Upon a December gave me chills omg

I love how they really touched on just how much Communism affected everybody. Life was pretty crappy for everyone and it's important that it's discussed. Like, the exchange between Anya and Gleb ("I can't lose this job...") really highlights to me that they were all hungry, desperate for work, etc. and it not many people had any hopes for a better future...

"The skies are grey, the walls have ears and he who argues disappears!"

"We're good and loyal comrades and our favorite color's red!"

"Two cans of beans, comrade?" "... doNE"

The collective "SHHH!!"

DONT!! GET ME STARTED!! ON IN MY DREAMS!!!

Christy's voiCE I CANT

When I was first listening to this I was like "ohhh boy... I'm already crying on the 3rd song.... this is gonna be an emotional ride"

"Call the child anYA"

"Is it Pariiiiis? Paris..."

"And I HEAR A VOICE WHISPER 'I'LL MEET YOU RIGHT THERE' IN PARIIIIIIIS. Paris..."

"You don't know what it's like not to know who you are"

"But I still have this faith in the truth of my dreammmms"

"AND MYYY DREEAMS. SEEEEM TO SAAAAY. DONT BE AFRAID TO GO ON. DONT GIVE UP HOPE COME WHAT MAYYYYY"

"I know it all will come baaaaack ONE DAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!"

Anya/Christyyyyy you're breaking my heart stop it just started

Honestly the whole song is beautiful

All of Learn to Do It is great too bc wow that's a mood changer from the last song lol

"How do you become the person you've forgotten you ever were?"

"Am I floating?" "Like a sinking boat"

"I never cared for stroganoff!"

"I don't like being contradicted." "That makes two of us!"

"I've hAD it!! And I hATE YOU BOTH!"... "Don't forGET I don't remember anything! Get OUT and let me be!"

She takes a big breath before she lists everything she learned lol

Ramin's so talented what the heck

"I heard the shots.... I heard the screams... but it's the silence after I remember most."

"A revolution is a siiiimple thiiiiiiiiiing" my guy, my dude, my man,, no.... that is false,,,

DEREK'S VOICE!!!!! MY PETERSBURG IS ICONIC

"Funny when a city is all you know, how even when you hate it something in you loves it sooooo!!"

"There's a boy, growing up, all I've been, all I'll be..."

"Funny how a BOY CAN GROOOOWWWW! Funny how a city tells you when it's time to goooo!"

"But tonight, there's a sky and quite a viewww... welcome tooooooooooo..... My PetersBUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRG!!!"

I know that Once Upon a December is exactly the same as the movie but Christy's voice is so gorgeous so I need to talk about it

"Accross my meeemoryyyyyyyy...."

THE ENSEMBLE!!!! HOLY CRAP!! THEIR HARMONIZING IS SO HAUNTINGLY BEAUTIFUL IT LITERALLY SOUNDS LIKE GHOSTS DANCING WOW IT GIVES ME CHILLS

The piano rising in a crescendo

"FAARRRR AWAY! LOOONG AGOOOO! GLOWING DIM AS AN EMBER!"

Christy's voice at the end my lord

The whole orchestra in this song is amazing

OKAY SO. STAY, I PRAY YOU. IS VERY UNDERRATED. LIKE. WHEN I FIRST LISTENED TO IT I WAS JUST SITTING ON MY COUCH WITH TEARS ROLLING DOWN MY CHEEKS AND WAS LIKE "why.... am I crying... about crossing the russian border.... when I'm not even Russian.... what the heck...."

And!!! It emphasizes the fact that this is communist Russia. You don't leave!!

Constantine's voice here is so haunting and The strings are lovelyyyyyy

This is like that one song from Sound of Music when they cross the mountains lol

THE ENSEMBLE AGAIN....

Christy's and Derek's harmonizing is b e a u t i f u l

"How to go wheRE IIIIII HAve never gone befoooorrre..."

"Let me have a moment, let me say goodbyyyyyye...."

My absolute favorite part is how it slowly fades from the entire cast singing and repeating "iiiii'lll bless my homeland...." to just the trio, to dmitry and Anya, and finally until it's just Anya left.... "iiii'lll bless my homeland... tillllll I diiiiieeee..." It's so chillingly beautiful I'm never gonna get used to that

We'll Go From There is so pure and happy!

"Some women say I look distinguished this way"

"Meet the royal. Mess!"

"Why did I say? yes?"

Again, Derek and Christy's harmonizing is amazing how--

"Getagripandtakeadeepbreath and soon we'll know what's what"

"Oh what a lovely ride! And what a lovely dayyyyy! For a totally illegal geeeeetawayyyyy!"

"From theeeeeEEeeeeeeEEeeeeerrreeeee! We'll go from there!!" Bum

Ramin is baaaack with more angst and beautiful vocals in Still!

"A son becomes a man! At his faaaaather's knee..."

"--to FULLFIIIIILLLLLLLLL"

"But then you see her eyes, and something in them tells you that she ABSOLUTELY LIES"

I KNOW THEY DIDNT CHANGE ANYTHING FROM JOURNEY TO THE PAST BUT IT MUST BE DISCUSSED

It's so empowering I'm PUMPED like every time I hear it I have to get up and run around like I'm the one performing or making a music video

"Peo.ple always say, Life is full of choices, but no one ever mentions. fear..."

"Home. Love. Faaaamily. There was once a time I must have had them tooooo... Hoooooome, loooooove, faaaamily! I will never be complete until I find youuuuuu!" (Brb crying)

THE ENTIRE LAST STANZA. EXCUSE ME WHILE I KEEP SCREAMING ABOUT THIS.

Christy's voice in "THINGS MY HEART STILL NEEDS TO KNOOOOOW!"

"YES!!! LET THIS BE A SIIIIIGN!! LET THIS ROOOAD BE MINE!! LET IT LEEEAD ME TO MY PAAAAAAAAAAAST!!! AAAND BRING ME HOOOOME!! aaaaAAAAAT LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAST!!!!!"

AKFKFINGSG SF,F SHES SO TALENTED THAT LAST NOTE OMG

I'm always out of breath when this song is over lol

Paris Holds the Key always pumps me up omg

"Everything is is avant-garde, or chic!"

Dmitry's part tho...

"There's hope in the aaaair!"

The one and only thing I'm kinda bummed about is that they didn't include that one part from the original where everyone is singing in the final chorus and then it's just dmitry singing "toooo... Herrrr...." and then the ensemble finishes it off. Idk it's so heartbreaking but that's probably my favorite part from the original song and I'm kinda sad they cut that bit (but it's ok bc DEREK)

Crossing A Bridge is VERY underrated too omg

The orchestral part is beautiful and again CHRISTY'S VOICE

"Halfway between where I've been, and where I'm goiiing..."

"Me on the left bank, you on the riiiight!" And then Her voice at "every light is like a promise.."

I love how the middle it's kinda loud and emotional but it ends really soft and quiet

Watching Christy's "Royal Misfits" vlog made me love Mary Beth Peil bc she kinda reminds me of my Nanna, so Close the Door broke my heart a little

I love the mood of Land of Yesterday bc they're complaining that they're no longer rich lol and Lily's like "well we're not dead now!" And my favorite: "RUSSIAAAAAA!!!"

IN A CROWD!!! OF THOUSANDS!!!! I SOB EVERY TIME I LISTEN TO IT. The chemistry btwn Christy and Derek is magical (I mean I haven't seen them but) I can hear them smiling and their harmonizing is just... good lord. And the tension is so real

"You're making me feel I was there too." "Maybe you were, make it part of your story"

I love that you can hear the shift in Christy's voice from playful and humorous to a dawning, frightening realization ("and I tried not to smile, but I smiiiiled... and then... heeeee bowwwwed...!!!!!" "Um, I didn't tell you that" "You didn't have to!! I remember!!!!" And then a heavy pause)

"With the sun in my eyes you were gone... but I knew, even then, in a crowd of thousands... I'll find you... aaaagaaaaain....." AIGFHGKVNID THEY FOUND EACH OTHER EXCUSE ME WHILE I GO CRY

"Your highness..." !???!???? WHAT THE HECK IS HAPPENING TO MY HEART

Meant to Be is beautiful (especially the orchestra) but I'm gonna skip to QUARTET AT THE BALLET. BC HONESTLY ITS ONE OF MY FAVORITES. The striiiings....

"My past and my future so neeeeear..." and then Dmitry breaking my heart again with "next to me this frightened girl, holding tight as the dancers whirl"

The whole part where Dmitry and Gleb are singing together omgggg "ITS FATE!! THAT BROUGHT US HEEEEERE"

And don't! Get me started on the part where they're all singing together it's so intENSE it's honestly one of my favorite parts from the whole musical. And!! DMITRY'S PART OMG HE REPRISES JOURNEY TO THE PAST "hooome, looove, faaaamily.... she will have all of it!! I will help her..." AKFJOND HE KEEPS BREAKING MY HEART HE LOVES HER SO MUCH #OTP

"Find a wayyyyy.... ANASAAAAAAASIAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!"

Again Dmitry just loves her... Everything to Win messes with my heart. "I didn't know, she mattered to meee... but now I can see, she doooeees..." (and later Anya says the same thing omg what kind of romantic crap is this, "conman and princess get their wish and fairytales come truuuue!" *clenches fist*) and "with everything to win, the only thing I lose... is youuuuuu..." :(

I love how Gleb interrupts Anya's pining for dramaaaaaaa. "If you really are Anastasia do you think history wants you to have lived??" "YES, why don't you!?"

"All but one. Finish it, I am my father's daughter." "AND I AM MY FATHER'S SON!" ( I can actually hear Anya standing with her chin held high staring at him straight in the eyes, a challenge, a dare) and a gun clicks and omg my heart started racing

"Look at their faces in mine, hear their screams, see their BLOOD." ... "Do it! Do it and I will be with my parents and my brothers and sisters in that cellar in Yekaterinburg all over again!!" GOOD LORD ITS SO INTENSE

"WE HAVE A PAST TO BURYYY AAAANYAAAAAAAA!!!!"... "A reVOLUTION IS A SIMPLE THING!!"

The ending is absolutely perfect... "she was a dream. A beautiful dream." And then "the case is closed. But still...." and the ENSEMBLE COMES BACK. They didn't have to go so hard, man