#we had their caps and would fight over who gets to be first player (mario) in all of the games

[carbonateddelusion]

I will forever hold L is Real close to my heart

[cheemers-writing-archive]

If They Were in Smash: Jotaro

Yeah. You knew I had to start with him. Literally one of the most iconic anime characters, and the most recognizable from my favorite series.

Let’s get started, shall we?

Attacks

Jab: just a quick little punch

Three-hit jab: punch, punch again, and knee. No flurry attack.

Side tilt: long kick

Up tilt: fist swings upwards

Down tilt: Jotaro bends down and trips the opponent with his feet in whatever direction he’s facing

Side smash: Jotaro leans forward and punches. Another button press will have Star Platinum elongate the punch.

Up smash: Jotaro punches upward. Another button press will have Star Platinum elongate the punch.

Down smash: Jotaro does the splits and kicks opponents from both sides. Another button press will have Star Platinum elongate the kick from both sides.

Nair: Jotaro punches in front of him, Star Platinum punches behind

Fair: normal punch forward

Bair: stylish kick backward

Up air: stylish kick upward

Dair: Star Platinum punches downward

Neutral special: same as Jotaro’s jab, but with Star Platinum. Also, instead of a three-hit jab, Star does a flurry attack.

Side special: Star Platinum uses Star Finger, which covers about an eighth of Final Destination

Up special: Star Platinum blows air from his mouth really hard and sends Jotaro straight up. This move doesn’t hurt, but it can blow opponents downward if they aren’t standing on a platform. Inspired from Enya’s Justice fight, except instead of inhaling, Star is exhaling.

Down special: Star Platinum: The World. Works like Wario’s Waft, when fully charged time stops (including the music and timer if there is one) for two seconds (not canonically accurate, but Jotaro would be broken if you could stop time for 5 seconds). Anyone who is hit moves a bit then stops until the effect ends. All normal launch rates will continue after time resumes.

Forward throw: tosses the opponent’s body aside in front of Jotaro

Back throw: tosses the opponent’s body aside behind Jotaro

Up throw: throws the opponent’s body upward, and Star Platinum adds one last little punch

Down throw: slams the opponent’s body down, and Star Platinum adds one last little flurry of punches

Final smash: Jotaro’s final move against Dio. Star Platinum puts so much pressure on the opponent they explode (in a cartoonish, non-gory way. Gotta keep that age rating low, folks). Kills instantly if the opponent is over 100 percent.

Extra animations

Entrance: Jotaro punches through the ground, similar to the Wheel of Fortune fight

Idle animation 1: Jotaro adjusts his hat

Idle animation 2: Star Platinum appears and punches the air

Up taunt: Jotaro points to the sky, like in the DiU openings

Side taunt: Jotaro points to the side

Down taunt: Jotaro pulls his hat down and says his famous line, Yare Yare Daze

Victory poses

End music: the last five bars to Stand Proud (if you don’t know anything about music, it’s basically the final few notes before the end)

First pose: Jotaro looks up from the brim of his hat and says nothing.

Second pose: Jotaro throws a piece of paper at the camera and says, “here’s your receipt.” The dramatic slowdown (when the screen shows the victor’s name) happens as the paper passes in front of the screen, and Jotaro just keeps walking away after the slowdown.

Third pose (which only happens if Jotaro won while over 100 percent on his last stock with any of his part 4 outfits): Jotaro looks at the ground, and says, “I’m glad I got to see your growth.” Right after the dramatic slowdown, Jotaro falls to the floor.

Stage: Cairo

The stage is one of the types that moves around and lands in different locations. It starts on the side of Dio’s castle at sunset. It moves to the clock tower after some very long traveling, where you can see Joseph, Kakyoin, and Dio flying through the air. After some time, a stage hazard will appear: Hierophant Green’s tripwires. If you land on one, you’ll be barraged with emeralds. The stage moves away before *major spoiler* happens, and lands after some time on the sidewalks of Cairo. No stage hazards in this part, but in the background you can see the scenery change slightly from time to time. While the stage is moving for a third time, it stops suddenly in the air, along with the music and timer, for five seconds. The players can still move. In those five seconds, some knives fly through the air, and can hit players. The final part of the stage is the bridge. On this part, the stage hazard is a huge road roller that slams on a random part of the stage after some time. Anyone who gets hit by it has an instant KO. However, you can see the shadow coming before it lands, so you can get out of the way. After that, it loops back to the beginning of the stage.

Palette swaps

Default colors (swap 1): Jotaro’s anime outfit in part 3

Swap 2: Jotaro’s manga outfit in part 3

Swap 3: Jotaro’s outfit in part 4

Swap 4: Jotaro’s outfit in part 6

Swap 5: Jotaro’s part 3 outfit, with Dio’s colors (yellow cap/hair, yellow overcoat, black shirt, yellow pants, green shoes)

Swap 6: Jotaro’s part 3 outfit, with Kakyoin’s colors (red cap/hair, green overcoat, green shirt, green pants, brown shoes)

Swap 7: Jotaro’s part 4 outfit, with Josuke’s colors (purple cap/hair, dark purple overcoat, yellow shirt, dark purple pants, brown shoes)

Swap 8: Jotaro’s part 6 outfit, with Jolyne’s colors (green hat/hair, light blue overcoat shirt pants and shoes)

Classic mode: Helping Hands

Theme: fighters that have helpers, and the helpers are not playable. Kind of replicating the idea of Stands.

First battle: Joker in Mementos

Second battle: Duck Hunt in Duck Hunt

Third battle: Pokémon Trainer in Pokémon Stadium (this is an exception to the rule because it’s really the trainer that tells the Pokémon what to do, similar to Stand users telling their Stand what to do)

Fourth battle: Banjo and Kazooie in Spiral Mountain

Fifth battle: Olimar in Distant Planet

Sixth battle: Rosalina and Luma in Mario Galaxy

Final boss: Master Hand and Crazy Hand (I know this is kind of a stretch, but you try naming another classic mode boss battle with two bosses on screen at the same time. Also, helping HANDS.)

Palutena’s guidance

Pit: Look at this guy! He probably thinks he’s so tough.

Palutena: Jotaro thinks he’s tough because he is tough. His looks do not deceive the eye.

Viridi: It’s a shame his friends call him Jojo. Really brings down his intimidation levels if you ask me.

Palutena: Jotaro has fought lots of strong enemies before. He fought against a vampire who could stop time… and won!

Viridi: He can also stop time himself. If you suddenly go flying without Jojo punching you, or you see him teleport, don’t be surprised.

Palutena: Well, he also has that Stand, Star Platinum. Unless you have a Stand, too, Pit, you won’t be able to see his, which means you’re wide open for any attacks.

Pit: Just say I’ve already lost the match, why don’t you?

Palutena: Just like every fighter in Smash, Jotaro is a formidable opponent, but not impossible to beat. You can do it if you try.

Pit: Right. Just gotta stay away from him at all costs. *pause* You don’t think Star Platinum has that big of a range, do you?

Viridi: Good luck, Pit. You’re gonna need it.

Reveal trailer

The trailer starts with Joker comboing Mario into oblivion in the actual game. After Mario is defeated, it cuts to a cutscene with Joker falling back to the ground. Morgana says, “Woohoo! Another one down! There’s nobody here who can combat against you, Joker!”

This next scene has the camera on the ground a ways away from Joker. He taunts when he gets back to the ground, saying, “Alright, who’s next?”

In front of the camera, a leg stomps to the ground. As the camera pans up around the new figure, he says, “So, I finally found you…” When the camera gets to Jotaro’s face, he finishes with, “...copycat.” He summons Star Platinum and the splash screen appears:

Jotaro stands up to fight!

After that is the moveset showcase. You already know Jotaro’s moves.

The extra scene after the Smash logo fades away is Jotaro meeting with Simon and Richter. “Vampire hunters?” he asks. The two Belmonts nod. Jotaro nods back and goes on his way.

Extra tidbits

Jotaro would have an option to play his Japanese voice or English voice in the English version of the game.

Like many of the godlike characters in this game, Jotaro teleports when dodging.

Star Platinum only holds one item in the entire gam, the baseball bat. Jotaro holds the rest.

[hawkbucks]

Joke’s on you, I’m going to list my favorite quotes anyway (besides the ones from the foreword that I’ve already listed) because they are Very Important: 

“Like any normal nineteen-year-old, I earned both of my master’s degrees on my own merits.” 

“Yinsen bought me the time I needed to recharge the suit, but the cost was his own life. I owe him big time, and I will never be able to repay him.” “Iron Man was born... and my world would never be the same!” 

“Don’t let the smooth talk fool you. Deep down, I’ll always be a tech geek, more comfortable alone in a workshop than surrounded by celebs at a gala fundraiser.” 

“You don’t always have to fight villains to save lives. That’s why I started the Maria Stark Foundation in memory of my mother. It may not be the branch of my company that gets the most public attention, but in my opinion, it’s where we do the most good.”

“Didn’t see [my dad] an awful lot, so Mom took me to visit every day. I grew up around Stark Industries. Or maybe Stark Industries grew up around me? 

“Instead of blowing up the world, why not help build a better one instead?”

“Over the years, I managed to develop a small core of people who I could trust implicitly. Strip away my high-tech suit, my fancy toys, even my checkbook, and I know these guys would still be on my side. They’ve become the family I thought I lost.” 

“Rhodey’s have me back for as long as I can remember. where as my stalwart best friend or flying by my side as War Machine, he’s always been there for me. We’ve been brothers-in-arms from the moment I first saved his life. He’s since repaid the debt more times than I can remember. There’s no truer friend than Rhodey. And his middle name’s Rupert. Don’t tell him I told you.” 

“I may have inherited a fortune from my parents, but the very best thing they left me was [Jarvis].” 

“I thank the heavens for Pepper every day. I’m nominating her for sainthood. Seriously.” 

“[Happy] may have been a little rough around the edges, but that was one of the things we all loved about him. Especially Pepper. Those two crazy kids were meant for each other and, even though things sometimes got rocky between them, their love was unlike anything I’d ever seen. Happy was a huge part of my world. And unfortunately is was my world--the world of Iron Man--that eventually got him killed. I’ll never forget that. And I’ll fight every day to make sure it never happens to anyone else I love.” 

“Guys like The Ghost and Spymaster will stop at nothing to worm their way into a company’s infrastructure and dig up our darkest secrets to sell to the highest bidder. Which reminds me... I really need to delete my web browser’s search history...”

“[Janice] was one of the great loves of my life, and she lost hers because of me. I don’t think I’ve ever forgiven myself.” 

“I have a soft spot for the bad girls.”

“[Rumiko and I] turned into something quite real, at least for a while. As usual, I got lost in my work... and I ended up losing Ru in the process.” 

“When I really get down to work, I don’t have time to worry about what I look like. Maximum comfort yields maximum productivity. A pair of Chucks, well-worn jeans, and a T-shirt will do just fine.” 

“Oddly enough, it’s the smallest stuff I get sentimental about. A watch and some engraved cufflinks. Dad left them on the nightstand the evening the accident happened. Collectors ask me about the watch once a month. It’s never going anywhere.”

“Easy listening is not on my playlist nor is mindless head banging. Classic rock, punk, and indie new wave are more my thing. I like the funky relaxes atmosphere in the ‘fringe’ and ‘artsy’ areas of my favorite big cities... preferably before they get gentrified and become infested with hipsters.” 

“So any joint that dispenses concentrated caffeine and has free Wi-Fi will have me warming its bench seats sooner or later.” 

“If somebody if bumped back on the waiting list because I showed up with no reso, I’ll gladly pick up their tab and add a nice bottle of a Pinot Noir.” 

“[blueprint notes] Reprogram J.A.R.V.I.S to agree with me more often.” 

“Still, mad respect for the classics.”

“...this suit boldly went where no Iron Man had gone before.” 

“When designed some of my earlier armors, I always felt like something was missing. I couldn’t put my finger on it. Was it a faster core processor? A more powerful repulsor? A better defense system? You’d think. But instead, what did I add? A nose.” 

“Jet. Powered. Roller. Skates. Yeah. You heard me.” 

“My repulsor beams could stop a charging rhino in its tracks. Theoretically, of course. Rest assured, I’ve done no testing on actual rhinos. That would just be cruel.” 

“There are people who say I am just a glorified machine operator. They think my armor is the real star of the show and that anyone could strap in and do my job just the same. Those people probably think that Jimi Hendrix was just a guitar player, or that Mario Andretti was just a driver.” 

“[Has an entire section dedicated towards his science friends called “SCIENCE BROS!”]”

“Everything you learn in life can help inform your hardest decisions. Sometimes, though, the answers you can’t find in your head you can find in your soul. Or on Wikipedia.” 

“Soon after, we came across the flash-frozen body of Captain America. We thawed him out, and he joined the team as well. Don’t tell him I said so, but it was one of the best days of my life. That’s when things started to click. Suddenly, the Avengers weren’t just another experiment to me. They were something bigger. Something important.” 

“We’ve had a ton of different members over the years, but Cap and I have always held steady at the core of the Avengers...” 

“...there’s no shame in relying on others to help you get the job done. Sometimes, there comes a day when even Earth’s Mightiest Heroes have to join forces to face the threats that no single hero can withstand. That’s when the call goes out. That’s when the Avengers assemble! (Ooh. Did you just get goosebumps, too?)”

“Whether you’re in charge of thousands of employees or a select squad of heroes, leadership is a pretty heavy burden. Choosing the path that is best for the most in the long run can come with major downsides in the short term. That’s the real test of your character--whether you can make the tough choice despite what everybody else thinks of you.” 

“Life is good. I plan to enjoy every minute. And I know what I’ll be wearing as I do.” 

[meetthemidwest]

About Indiana, Kentucky, and Ohio playing video game, I have to know what they said during the subspace emissary gameplay. May we hear about what happened? Please and thank you, you fabulous person

This took so long and I’m so sorry but finals week happened and I had to study for apush! There are spoilers, but the game came out in 2008 so I’m not too concerned. I still put it under the cut just in case someone didn’t want it spoiled. I really hope tumblr doesn’t cut this, there’s a lot here.

Subspace Emissary is a two player story mode in Smash Bros Brawl, and since there are three of them, Indiana, Kentucky, and Ohio take turns. Indiana and Ohio play the first level.

Indiana: You know what? I kind of relate to Kirby.Kentucky: Please explain what the hell that means.Indiana: He inhales food and killed god.Ohio: Oh please, you haven’t killed god yet.Kentucky: Yet? YET??

After the whole fight with Mario and Kirby, there’s a part where the Halberd flies over the stadium and drops a bunch of shadow bugs.

Ohio: Those things look like the mold that was growing in my basement last year.Indiana: Glowing and purple?Kentucky: Delicious.Ohio: What the actual fuck Kentucky?Kentucky: No, you don’t understand, nature is delicious.Indiana: Oh really? I’ll be right back.She comes back in five minutes later with an armful of plants from Ohio’s backyard.Kentucky: *picks up a leaf* There’s a spider on this one.Indiana: Eat it.Ohio: DON’T EAT IT!Kentucky: Aw, it fell.Ohio: *jumps from his chair to the table* Fucking kill it already!Indiana promptly throws it at him and he screams like a girl. The video cuts there. It comes back to Indiana and Ohio arguing over who to save in the first boss battle.

Indiana: Zelda’s twenty times better than Peach you dumbass!Ohio: Peach is the original Nintendo princess! You respect the originals or I’ll put you in the goddamn dirt!Kentucky: You just got a game over.Indiana: No one asked for your input Bill Monroe!Kentucky: How the hell do you know who that is?The video devolves into screaming. It cuts to Kentucky and Ohio playing while Indiana eats a pot of Kraft macaroni and cheese. They’ve saved Peach and moved on.

Kentucky: Hey, it’s Pit from Kid Icarus on the NES!Indiana: Fucking nerd!Ohio: Nice redesign.Kentucky: Yeah, well, if we aren’t going to get Geno, it’s nice that an obscure Nintendo game is getting some love.Ohio: *looks directly into the camera* Localize Mother 3 you cowards.Kentucky: PLAYER TWO CAN TELEPORT HELL YES YOU’RE CARRYING THE TEAM OHIO!

Indiana: DOnkEy KoNG!Kentucky: Did Diddy Kong always have guns or is that a new thing?Ohio, drinking tea in the background: Neither of you have ever played Donkey Kong Country and it shows.Kentucky: Oh god, Danky Kang just sacrificed himself for his son!Indiana: Wish that was the relationship I had with Quebec but he just calls me his bastard daughter and I call him my asshole father.Kentucky: Oof.

Ohio: Oh shit, Indi, get your xylophone, we’ve got a pokemon!Indiana: *starts playing the original pokemon battle theme on the xylophone while Kentucky fights Rayquaza but dies because he’s laughing too hard.*

Indiana: That feeling when you’re kidnapped by a small primate in a baseball cap.Ohio: No, that can happen. Have you ever been to the zoo?Kentucky: Are you okay?Ohio: *voice crack* no.

*Lucas and Porky appear*Ohio, ripping the controller out of Kentucky’s hands: YOU LEAVE MY BABY ALONE YOU CAPITALIST FUCK!Indiana: Oh shit, he’s crying!Kentucky: And I’m the nerd?Indiana: Shut up nerd, Mother 3 was hard on him.

*Ness appears*Indiana: SNES is just a word scramble of Ness.Kentucky: Mother 3 confirmed?Ohio: NOOO NESS JUST GOT FUCKING KILLED BY WARIO!Indiana: Weak.

*Pokemon Trainer appears*Kentucky: ASH KETCHUM???Indiana: You’re so stupid. It’s Red, obviously.Ohio: Red and Ash Ketchum’s secret love child.Indiana: *Gets up* I quit.

*Battlefield Fortress*Ohio: You know what this looks like?Kentucky: Oh god please no.Indiana: *pulls out Kentucky’s xylophone* Ready when you are.Kentucky: Indiana, if you value our friendship, please don’t do this.Indiana: We’re not friends though.*Marth is introduced. Indiana starts playing Together We Ride on the xylophone. Ohio joins in on a green plastic kazoo. Kentucky slams his face into the table and gets a nosebleed.*

Indiana: Hey it’s Spanish Batman from Kirby Right Back At Ya!Ohio: Never say those words in front of me again.

*Ike appears*Kentucky: Please don’t-Indiana and Ohio: *Playing the recruitment theme With Us on their instruments.*Kentucky: *looks into the camera like Jim on The Office*

Kentucky: Luigi is my spirit animal because he’s a coward with a heart of gold, like me.Indiana: You’re a coward, but I know you had your heart surgically removed in 1847 so don’t even try that bullshit with me.Ohio: He had a heart before 1847? Damn. See, I relate more to King Dedede because he’s a king and his relationship with Kirby reminds me of Michigan and I.Indiana: Yeah, that sounds about right.Ohio: I don’t like the implications there.

*Link appears*Indiana, shoving Ohio and Kentucky out of the way and wearing a Legend of Zelda hoodie: Move bitches, it’s my time to shine.Ohio: Oh thank god Yoshi’s here because I’m not playing as Link. Kentucky, doing a scarily accurate impression of Yoshi: YOSHI!Indiana: What the FUCK Kentucky???Kentucky, coughing: If I do that for too long I lose my voice.Indiana: Then don’t do it!

*There are some enemies that I distinctly remember in this part that scared the hell out of me, and they’re called Puppits.*Ohio: Oh god, oh fuck, what are these things?Indiana: Kill it!Ohio: *dies* SHIT!Kentucky, eating gummy bears out of a paper bag: Why are y’all so bad at this? It’s just an enemy.Indiana: *throws her controller at Kentucky and hits him in the forehead.*

*The cutscene with the box*Indiana: Snake? SNAKE?? SNAAAAAAAAAAKE!!!!Kentucky: SPOILERS!

*Zero-Suit Samus*Indiana: I wish that were me.Ohio: Why? She’s not that much prettier than you.Indiana: Space guns.Kentucky: Of course.Indiana: Also I think a lot of girls would be into me if I had that ass.Ohio: There it is.

*Pikachu*Ohio: Did you guys know that this is how we powered the first rocket to the moon?Kentucky: Electricity rat.Indiana: Thomas Edison used Pikachu to power America, your history books have been lying to you.Ohio: We’re going to get killed by the government, aren’t we?Kentucky: Yeah, but not for this.

*The battle against Subspace Peach*Indiana: Mario’s going to be so pissed.Kentucky: Yeah, but Yoshi’s Mario’s lifelong friend, so surely everything will be a-okay!*Mario battle ensues*Ohio: Love blinds all.Indiana: Stop trying to sound wise, I literally watched you burn your tongue on your coffee and throw it into a wall.Ohio: You know what Indiana? Fuck you.

Indiana: Kirby Kirby Kirby that’s the name you should know!Kentucky: Kirby Kirby Kirby he’s the star of the show!*Both look at Ohio*Ohio, obviously disappointed in life: He’s more than you think, he’s got maximum pink.Indiana and Kentucky: Kirby Kirby Kirby’s the one!

Indiana: Ew it’s Ganondorf.Kentucky: Wait, I thought he was a pig?Ohio: Well Kentucky, people can be pigs without looking like them, like New York.Kentucky: No, wasn’t he literally a pig?Indiana: That was Ganon.Kentucky: They’re… they’re the same thing?

*Wario battle*Ohio: IS LUCAS DOING THE ARTHUR MEME?Indiana: HOLY SHIT HE IS!Kentucky: MOTHER 3 CONFIRMED!*they all start screaming incoherently. The video cuts to them actually fighting Wario. Ohio is Lucas, Kentucky is the Pokemon Trainer.*Ohio: My boy Lucas has seen some shit.Kentucky: Your boy Kentucky has also seen some shit, how about a little love over here?Ohio: No.Kentucky: Thanks.

*Bowser’s army attacks the castle Dedede is in.*Indiana: Oh my goodness he’s Dedede-dead!Ohio: I’m going to sew your lips together while you sleep.

*Bowser gets away with Peach’s trophy*Kentucky: This is so sad, Indiana play Ave Maria.Indiana: *plays Ave Maria on the kazoo*

Kentucky: I love how Ike, the youngest and most impulsive, jumps right off a cliff while both Marth and Meta Knight reach out to stop him.Ohio: Me with my bastard siblings.Indiana: Let me guess, Wisconsin’s Ike, Michigan’s Meta Knight, and you’re Marth?Ohio: No, because I don’t join them in their bullshit.Indiana: Oh? Then what do you call the time the three of you tied Illinois to a tree and left him there for a week?Ohio: It’s called knocking the wealthy down a few pegs.Kentucky: Guys, this was an appreciation of Fire Emblem characters and nothing more.

*Diddy Kong trophy*Indiana: PeRSonALLy I PrEFer ThE AiR!Kentucky: OH! GRAB THE FAN! *they proceed to get the giant Subspace Diddy Kong to 500% and launch him off the screen.*Ohio: The monkey’s kidnapping a bird.Indiana: I saw that happen in Florida once.

*Ridley battle*Kentucky: HE’S TOO BIG FOR SMASH BROS!*Kentucky then plays the Ridley theme on the xylophone while Ohio attempts to crawl out a window and Indiana screams*

*Olimar and Captain Falcon*Kentucky in the background playing Pikmin music on the xylophone: Isn’t this nice? Pikmin was one of the best games I ever played.*West Virginia kicks down the door and plays the F-Zero theme on an electric guitar*Kentucky: Get the hell out!West Virginia: While y’all were sitting in here playing video games I got arrested for tax fraud and broke out on my own.Indiana: Amateur. What’s your point kid?West Virginia: Get on my level. Get hobbies for god’s sake. You’re going to be killed one day, you gotta live in the moment.Ohio: I die when I decide, you little rat faced bastard. There’s a cupcake in the fridge, take it and get out.West Virginia: Alright, I’m going to elope with Mothman, see y’all later.

Indiana: DOnkEy KoNG!!!!Kentucky: Aw heck, I died.

*Ice Climbers*Ohio: That jumping noise definitely isn’t going to get annoying in the next few minutes.Kentucky: *slowly mutes the tv*Indiana: You guys are really dumb sometimes. You know that, right?

*the two groups meet up*Indiana: The gang’s all here!Ohio: If you play as Link again I’m going to suffocate you on camera.Indiana: With what?Kentucky: His Ohio State mascot body pillow.Indiana: What the fuck.Ohio: You’re next, Kentucky.

*Snake*Kentucky: Sometimes I just want to hide in a box while my problems run around without me.Indiana: Shame problems are like Lucario and can see right through your hiding place.Ohio: Guys, I dropped a hot pocket into the hole in the wall and I can’t get it out.

*Sheik and Peach*Indiana: I’m getting some strong Peach loves her strong girlfriend vibes from this.Kentucky: I’d love my strong girlfriend too if I had one.Ohio: No living organism would put up with you for more than a week.Indiana: YO PEACH IS SUCH A BADASS!Ohio: SEE???Indiana: Zelda’s still better though.Kentucky: Fox McCloud’s going down.Indiana: Do a barrel roll!Ohio: Shit, I want tea.Kentucky: Then make some!Ohio: Okay! Jeez, don’t yell at me.

Indiana: Where did Mr. Game and Watch even come from?Ohio: Hell.Kentucky: Actually, there’s a series of handheld games-Indiana: Shut up nerd!

*Subspace bomb factory*Indiana: American weapons storage.*the entire factory blows up*Kentucky:… American weapons storage.Ohio: It’s us when we try to get together for holidays.

Ohio: Kirby rides in on a fucking dragon to save the day!Indiana: Sakurai showing clear favoritism for his children.Kentucky: Virginia made West a pepperoni roll once and when I asked for one she told me that I could starve.Ohio: GUYS IT WASN’T MASTER HAND IT’S THIS ASSHOLE OLD MAN LOOKING GUY AND BOWSER’S DEAD STOP HAVING FEELINGS AND GET YOUR HEADS IN THE GAME!

*Everyone dies*Indiana: I want butterfly wings that kill people.Kentucky: Evolve and grow them.Indiana: Good idea.Ohio: LUCAS NOOOOOOO!

*Dedede, Ness, and Luigi**Ohio walks in dressed as King Dedede, Indiana’s dressed as Ness, and Kentucky is dressed as Luigi*Kentucky: I still think I should have done sexy Luigi, but whatever.Indiana: Ohio, say it.Ohio: I’m not going to say it, fuck off.Indiana: Say it.Ohio: No!Indiana: SAY IT.Ohio: I’m gonna clobber that there Kirby.Kentucky: That’s mama Luigi to you!Indiana: Fuck, Ness doesn’t have any funny lines. Ohio: Can we please play the game now?Indiana, clearly excited: OKEY

*Great Maze*Indiana: You’re going the wrong way!Ohio: You’re hogging the remote! Let Kentucky play!Kentucky: That’s the wrong door!*they start screeching at each other. Minnesota walks into the room about to say something, shakes his head, and leaves.*

*Tabuu fight*Kentucky: I’m vibing with this music.Ohio: Don’t try and sound young, we all know you’re old as fuck.Indiana: Ohio if you don’t stop dying I’m going to throw you out a window.Kentucky: SONIC SPEED! *proceeds to die* GOSH DARN IT!Indiana: WHY ARE YOU USING SONIC?Kentucky: HE WAS RIGHT THERE I HAD TO!*they die about twelve more times, but only one makes the final cut. At some point they beat the game*

Indiana: This was cute. I really liked the relationships in it.Ohio: Yeah, shame we’ll never get a wholesome and fulfilling story mode again, right guys?Kentucky: *plays the Smash Ultimate theme on the xylophone.*Indiana: I’ll go get my Switch.Ohio: You better.Indiana: I’ll hit you.Ohio: You’re in my house, that’s assault.*Indiana kicks Ohio out of his chair. The video cuts for the last time*

[crashdevlin]

Dinner and Dancing- 3: Bandwagon

Part One... Part Two

Author’s Note: Originally posted to ao3. Set post Civil War, pre-Infinity War. *Gifs are not mine.* Summary: Reader tracks down Steve in an attempt to track down Bucky. Bucky’s unreachable but Steve is more than happy to step into his shoes. Pairing(s): Steve Rogers/Reader Word Count: 3373 Story Warnings: sick baby, little bit of angst, romanipien (that gypsy soul/pick up and leave thing), oral sex (female and male receiving), naughty sketches, Little bit of angst, a lot of pining, the baby’s a cockblock… and so’s Bucky. Chapter Warnings: pining, slight angst because of Bucky, meddling Avenger friends

Steve sat in a chair with a book in front of him. His eyes were not on the papers, though. His eyes were across the lounge area where y/n was sitting on a barstool pulled up to the counter, reading a magazine.

"Man, you're starin' at her, again." Sam said, clapping his hand on Steve's well-muscled shoulder.

Steve looked down at the book he was supposed to be reading, but he couldn't focus on the words, looking at y/n out of the corner of his eyes. He couldn't help it that his eyes always seemed to linger on her. Her face was magnetic. Her smile, addictive. He, honestly, couldn't fathom what was going through Bucky's mind when he left her lying alone in his bed, probably naked and-

Steve closed his eyes and shook his head. He didn't need to think of her like that. That's his best friend's best girl.

"This is gonna be like Sharon, isn't it?" Sam brought attention to himself again as he sat in the chair across the coffee table from Steve. "You're not going to make your move until way late in the game when you know you ain't gonna see her again for a long-ass time."

"Sam." Steve quietly chastised as he closed his book.

"What'd Sharon say when you finally kissed her? 'Overdue'? And then you never saw her again."

He sat forward and lowered his voice, eyes flicking to y/n and Wanda. "She's Bucky's girl, Sam."

"Pretty sure she's not, Steve. Barnes left her. She's been raising his kid with her brother because he was too much of a bitch to Dad up." Sam leaned forward, too. "Look, I don't hide how I feel about him. He's an unstable, dangerous dickhead and he ruined my damn car, but that's not why I'm sayin' this. I'm sayin' it because your boy Barnes had a month with her and ran off after three weeks because he didn't want to deal with 'Goodbye', didn't step up when she tried to tell him about that kid, but you did. Man, you treat that boy like he's yours and you want to treat her like she's yours, too. I can see it in your eyes."

Steve sighed and shook his head. "She's still got a thing for him. When she talks about him..."

"Man, when you talk about him, it sounds like you've got a thing for him." Sam interrupted. "That woman is perfect for you and you know it. Do I gotta get Wanda to dig into your heads, pull out your desires so that you can see-"

"I don't need Wanda to show me what I desire." Steve sat back and let his eyes fall on her again. She was excitedly pointing to something in a magazine. Her smile was radiant. "But, what I want isn't what's important."

"What about what she deserves? An upstanding, righteous, good man who wants to take care of her and her son. A damn American hero. Not in 1945. Now. She deserves a man like you. She deserves you."

"But she loves Bucky."

"I don't think she does. I think she was infatuated, that she had a hero complex for him because he saved her life, but you don't fall in love over three weeks and a couple black and white movies. You fall in love over life. Real love takes time, effort, and overcoming obstacles instead of running away from them. Cap, you are all about time, effort and overcoming obstacles. Your biggest obstacle here..." Sam stood, forcing Steve to look up at him. "...is yourself."

Steve opened his book again and tried to read, but he couldn't. Instead, the argument started up in head again. He'd had this argument with himself a dozen times since she walked up to him and recited her name, just with slightly more emotional attachment to call on as the time went by.

One side of the argument said everything he'd just heard from Sam: Bucky left, didn't answer her, he was happy that she was going back to America and didn't even stay until the day she got on her plane. Bucky didn't want to settle down in the first place.

The other side of the argument was... falling apart the longer he spent in her presence: Bucky was his best friend. Bucky always had his back, even when he didn't want him to. Bucky fell off a mountain and was tortured and became the Winter Soldier because of him. It would be a low thing to come in while Bucky's in cryo and take his girl, the one he'd spoken so highly of. Bucky was most important, no matter how he feels about her, no matter how he feels about George. Heck, he could help take care of George without being with y/n, right? And that would be honoring Bucky, to take care of his son, wouldn't it?

Of course, it wasn't just about George and he couldn't lie to himself about that.

*********

You looked across the room at Steve, reading his book. "Someday, he's going to look up and see you staring at him." Wanda said, slipping onto the stool next to you.

You looked down, embarrassed. "No, I've got a plan for that. I just look away really fast."

"Why are you embarrassed that you're attracted to Steve?"

You could feel your face turn red. "I'd thank you to stay out of my head, Wanda." You said, flipping your Game Informer open to a review of the newest Nintendo handheld.

"I don't need to be in your head, Y/n. I have eyes." She sucked her bottom lip between her teeth and chewed on it for a moment, staring at you. "Is it because of Sergeant Barnes?"

"He's Bucky's best friend."

"So? Barnes isn't here, y/n. He didn't want to be. You were his ideal because you were leaving, because he didn't have to worry about anything real developing. As soon as you considered staying, as soon as you became real, he disappeared. Steve lives in the real world. He likes the real things. He likes being depended on. He likes problems because he likes overcoming them. The only fight he's ever backed down from was when he almost let Winter Soldier kill him in an attempt to jog Barnes' memories."

"And that says more about why we're not going to be able to make it past the obstacle than anything, because Bucky is the obstacle and Bucky is of utmost importance for Steve."

"I think, if you worked together, you could get past it." Wanda said, before pointing at the Nintendo Switch ad in the magazine. "I think we need one of these."

"That'd be awesome. We should set up a gaming room! I've got a bunch of board games in a box somewhere, and in another box, I've got a bunch of old video game consoles! Oh, my gosh! That's a great distraction!"

"PlayStation or XBOX?"

"Both, also Wii. I never bought into the whole console wars. I just waited 'til i could find 'em used or super cheap and bought all of 'em."

"Now you're going to ignore your feelings via video games." Wanda said, matter-of-factly.

"Yup!" You said, jumping down from the stool and heading to George's closet where your still-packed boxes were stored.

The next morning, you came into the kitchen with George in a baby sling and smiled at everyone. "I set up a game room yesterday. Cards, board games and 12, count 'em 12, different video game consoles. It's the room that was empty next to Georgie's, so... If anyone's interested..."

Clint walked out of the kitchen immediately, bowl in hand, spoon in his mouth. Natasha followed, calmly. You grabbed a pack of Poptarts out of the cabinet and  headed back toward the game room. "Nat, I don't wanna be player two. Nobody wants to be Luigi." Clint's whining could be heard down the hall.

"Shoulda got here first."

"I did get here first! You stole the controller when I turned my back to put down my stupid cereal. Come on! Let me be Mario."

"When I die."

"You're a bitch."

"So are you." Natasha said, as Super Mario World music started to fill the room.

"Well, I didn't mean to start fights." You said, sitting at the card table and pulling open the Poptarts. "This was supposed to be fun."

"Oh, don't worry. You didn't start this fight. This is ongoing." Natasha responded, turning her head to look at you, but continuing to play. She jumped on several Koopa Troopas while her head was turned.

"Yeah. Every time we play anything, she's gotta be first. Shit, she's even Player 1 when we play Pong." Clint complained.

"You did all of this since last night?" Steve asked, looking around at the games and consoles. "You're amazing."

"I'm aware." You smiled, grabbing a box of playing cards and tossing it to him. "What kinda card games you know, Army?"

He chuckled. "I know poker." He offered, opening the box and sitting down across from you. He shuffled the deck easily.

"I've never played. Wanna teach me?"

"If we're doin' poker, we need to play with Monopoly money, 'cause we ain't having a replay of Cap's birthday." Sam said, dropping into the chair next to you.

"What happened?"

"Stark threw a July 4th bash and Maria Hill conned me into playing poker."

"She didn't con you, Sam. She offered, you accepted. She beat you, and me and Clint and Tony, fair and square." Steve responded with a smirk.

"Whatever, man. She hustled us." Sam said, as Wanda sat down with a fistful of multicolored dollars.

"Just because you fell for her saying 'What is a Full House again', doesn't mean she hustled you. You should have known she could play."

"I barely knew the woman! Whatever. Gimme some pink lettuce." Sam demanded.

Wanda handed out an even amount of Monopoly dollars to everyone, while Steve shuffled the cards. You lost. Badly. Between not knowing what you were doing, listening to Clint and Natasha bicker over the Nintendo, giving attention to the baby in the sling across your chest, and the nervous pit that grew bigger every time you locked eyes with Steve, Wanda and Sam cleaned you out of your play cash in no time. You bowed out of the game with a smile and headed across the hall to your room. About 15 minutes later, Steve was walking down the hall. "They busted you, too, huh?"

"I'm 90% certain Wanda's cheating. She's just too good, ya know." Steve smiled, leaning against your door frame. "Thank you for setting up that room. We haven't had much to do since we've been... criminals, and half of the comedy left when Scott did, so... distractions are welcome."

"That was the point. Crazy underground bunker gets a bit..."

"Yeah." He chuckled. "Yeah. Hey, uh, when you get a minute... I, uh, dug out some of my old sketch books, if you-"

"Definitely." You stood, quickly bending down to pick up Georgie from his bouncer. You followed Steve to his office, where a stack of books sat on his desk. Steve took George from your arms and you picked on up. It was full of sketches of the things and people around him, some very detailed and lifelike, some purposely cartoonish caricatures. "These are really good, Steve. You have such a mastery of shadow."

Steve blushed, but you barely noticed as you ran your fingers across an almost photographic sketch of Natasha's face. You flipped a few pages until you got to a picture of Tony Stark looking lovingly into Pepper Potts' eyes. "I really like that one. Tony looked so human in that moment. I had to sketch it." He smiled. "This was at the July 4th party. They didn't know I was watching. I took a quick picture with my phone and drew that after I got home. I was gonna give it to them if Tony ever got around to popping the question."

"You'll have to send it to them. It's perfect."

"Well, I don't know about 'perfect'."

"Please, everything about you's perfect." You said, nonchalantly. You continued through the sketches, studying your favorites before moving on to the next. When you got to the bottom of the stack, you looked over at him. He was doing 'tummy time' on the floor with George. "Are you not drawing, anymore? These books, the latest date is two years ago, almost."

"Uh, no, I-I am, it's just..." He got up on his knees and looked over at you. "The sketches in the new book are... not finished." He seemed unsure of that answer.

You chuckled. "Okay, well, when they get finished, you gotta let me see 'em, because you are so good at this."

"Thanks." He said, standing and stepping over George. "Means a lot." You just looked down and smiled.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"She's not going to make a move." Wanda said, her eyes on her cards.

"Neither is he. Thinks it'd be a slap in Barnes' face or somethin' to go out with the chick he walked away from. I dunno."

"Well, maybe they need a push." Clint suggested as Mario fell to his death and Natasha wrenched the controller from his fingers.

"This isn't a Rom-com, Clint."

"It could be." Clint turned around, looking at the two at the table, each trying to bankrupt the other of their fake money. "All that really requires is two clueless assholes who don't realize they're perfect for each other, an antagonizing force or event and a couple friends to set them on the right course. I'm pretty sure this is a tailor-made Rom-com situation."

"I'm all for manipulation for the sake of romance, but what could we possibly do to make them stop focusing on Barnes?" Natasha asked, eyes not leaving the screen.

"Well, we could tr-"

"Trapping them in a room together isn't going to work. They've roadtripped together. Twice."

"Okay. Fair point. What if we-"

"Telling one or both that the other is sick or injured would be cruel. They just got done dealing with Georgie's cancer."

"We could-"

"Cap can't get drunk."

"You know what, Nat?! You come up with one!"

"Babysitting." Natasha said, succinctly. "We convince Steve to take her out for some much-needed fun and we offer to babysit."

"Sure. If you wanna go simple with it." Clint grumbled, flopping back down on the couch.

"I'll talk Steve into it, later." Natasha finished.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I'm just sayin' she looks like she needs a break." Natasha looked up at Steve from her spot in his desk chair, her feet up on his desk.

"No, you're just saying that I need to take her out. I didn't take you for a bandwagon person, Natasha." He responded swatting her feet off of his desk.

She shrugged. "Only if the music makes sense, Steve."

"How does me courting Bucky's girl while he's incapacitated make sense?"

"He ghosted her. He left her, let her go through her pregnancy alone. He didn't want her or the whole family thing. You think he'd be upset that you took her out for some fun?"

"Okay, you weren't on our side in Germany so you missed the animated way he spoke about her. He talked about her like she could be his salvation, like she was everything he ever... I've never heard him talk about a woman the way he spoke about her. He 'ghosted' her because he was terrified for her, how his life might end hers. How could I even entertain taking the one thing he's wanted?"

"Easy. You take her out and ignore the frozen guy thousands of miles away."

Steve sighed, heavily. "Bucky's gonna wake up one day, Natasha. How would I explain that y/n came around looking for him and I was taken with her, so I took her from him?"

"You don't. You wouldn't have to. If he cared about her, he'd want her dating a quality guy. He'd want George around good people. If he cared, he'd want you guys together."

"I don't know. It just feels wrong."

"No. It doesn't and that's why you feel guilty." Natasha stood. "Ask her to dinner, Rogers. She's got a bunker full of folks who would love to babysit." She smirked as she walked out of the office.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You looked up as Steve walked into the game room. "What are you playing?"

"It's called Crash Bandicoot: Warped. It's... I don't even know how to describe this game."

Steve watched you for a few minutes, before clearing his throat. "So, I was wondering if... if you wanted to come to dinner with me tonight." You turned your head, staring at him in shock. The game over screen was suddenly on the screen because a boulder crashed into you as you stared. "Sorry. Didn't mean to get your... bandicoot killed."

"What did you say?" You whispered, dropping the PlayStation controller on the couch next to you.

"I asked if you wanted to go to dinner with me." He sat next to you, moving the controller out of his way. "There's a restaurant in the Bronx, the original owner was part of the 107. I saved him from HYDRA, so his grandson always has the Chef's Table free for me. We could go in through the back door. He makes the best burgers."

"Uh... are you... are you asking me on a date, Steve?"

He chuckled, running his hand through his hair. "I am. I think we need some time out of the compound and I'd like to spend it with you. If-if you wanted."

You bit your lip. "Of course. I would love to. But what about-"

"Natasha volunteered to babysit." Steve stood. "So... I'll pick you up at your room at 7?" He asked, with a smirk. You nodded, still a bit dumbfounded that he asked you out. "All right. I'll go make our reservations."

"And I'll... go take a... shower." You stood, turning off the PlayStation and heading for your room. Milo knocked on your door as you were trying to figure out something to wear.

"So. He finally asked you out?"

"It's not... I'm sure it's not like that."

"I'm sure you're lying to yourself. Captain America has invited you to dinner. Is not for no reason. Is because he likes you. You like him, too."

You shook your head. "Come on."

"When did you become a pussy?"

"Excuse me?"

"When I met you, you were going for what you want. You weren't lying to yourself about things right in front of your face. Did motherhood soften you so much or are you still holding out hope for James to come back when he ran away from you?"

You took a deep breath. He was kinda right. You wanted Bucky and you went for him. Why should you feel so bad about wanting Steve, especially when Steve obviously wants you, too. "Bucky's a good man. I might be pissed off at him, but what if that's why I'm so receptive to Steve? Maybe I like Steve because he reminds me of Bucky and-"

"You like Steve because Steve is amazing. You'll see after you go on this date with him."

"Maybe. I don't even know what to wear."

"Jeans and the purple blouse."

You sighed, looking at the outfit he picked. "I don't know if that'll work. I don't think it'll fit."

"It'll fit. You've lost most of the pregnancy weight. Go on. Try it on." Natasha showed up at your door. "I'll do your makeup, Wanda can do your hair."

"No. No, no. This is not gonna be a whole big-" You said, shaking your head at the Russian.

"It's a date. You oughta let us help you." Wanda said, pushing into the room with a hairbrush and a curling iron. "We know it's just dinner, but still. You want to look your best."

You took a deep breath. They weren't going to walk away on this. Stubborn Avenger friends. "Fine." You rolled your eyes and sat in your desk chair as the women started to attack you with hair brushes and makeup brushes.

KITCHEN SINK TAGS @heyitscam99 @wonderlandfandomkingdom @unlikelysamwinchesteronahunt @mrs-meghan-winchester @henrymorganme @lonely-skys @allykat2108 @mogaruke @flamencodiva @team-free-will-you-idjits-67 @pisces-cutie @paintballkid711 @natura1phenomenon @rainbowkisses31 @atc74 @alagalaska

[classic-rock-roller]

1. You and Kevin come home one day to see Bonham lying on the couch with her eyes closed, a saxophone sound coming from the speaker on the table. It sounds somewhat familiar but  you can’t place it. “What are you listening to?” Kevin asks. “Jazz Mario,” Bonham responds without opening her eyes. Kevin wrinkles his nose, “That’s the dumbest shit I ever heard of.” How do you and Bonham respond?

Bons shoots straight up off the couch and goes, “It is not!”

Me: I do my homework to it. It’s great study music. 

2. Bonham is playing the Super Mario Galaxy soundtrack for you and Kevin and Rudy when the ‘Galaxy Birth’ song. Rudy says, “This is cute.” Bonham says, “I don’t know, it kinda makes me think about death.” What do you and Kevin think of it (song available on request or on youtube) and what do you say?

Me: It does kind of remind me of death. But it’s also putting me to sleep. 

I close my eyes and rest my head on Kevin. 

Kevin: Can we change the song please? I really don’t want her drooling on my shoulder at two o’clock in the afternoon.

3. You’re hanging out with Kevin and Bonham one day when Vince calls you out of nowhere. No hello or anything, the first thing out of his mouth is, “I know marriage is for better or worse but how much worse is it gonna get?” You’ve got him on speakerphone, so how do the three of you answer him?

Bonham: Much worse. Much, much, much worse

Kevin: It’s not so bad..as long as you find the right person. 

And then he looks over at me which makes Bons gag. 

Me: I mean you’ve already been married one time before you married Sharise so shouldn’t you already know?

4. Bonham’s showing you, Kevin, and Rudy a jazz record, and it’s pretty good. A nice bari sax solo comes on and Bonham kinda moans a little and says, “I’d marry a bari sax.” “A player?” Rudy asks. “No, the actual instrument.” She says, and she sounds serious. How do the three of you respond?

Rudy: I mean you could. 

Kevin: Whatever floats your boat. 

Me: As long as you don’t want to marry pizza. I don’t want to see oral sex with pizza again. *shudders* 

5. Rudy asks Kevin what his favorite song is one day, and Kevin totally blanks. “How can you forget your favorite song?” Bonham asks. “Shut up, I have jamnesia.” Kevin says. How do you and Rudy respond?

I roll my eyes, “Jamnesia isn’t a real thing, Kevin.” 

Rudy: Actually it’s a surf camp.

6. You’re sitting with Kevin and Bonham one day when she cringes at a news article. “Some guy got arrested for going around to hotels and filming himself jerking off when the housekeeping staff came in. OH SHIT and get this, one of the guys that caught him gave him a blowjob. Do people just blow each other nonchalantly, like, what the fuck?” How do you and Kevin respond?

Me: When they’re high and drunk enough they do. 

I look pointedly at Kevin. 

Kevin: WHAT?! I never did that!

Me: Uh-huh 

7. You’re at a small get-together with Bonham, Kevin, Rudy, Carlos, and Crue. At one point when you’re sitting with Bonham and Nikki, Kevin comes up to you and says in a deep British voice, “I fancy you.” Before you can say anything, Bonham asks him, “How much have you had to drink?” How do you and Nikki respond?

Me: Too much. He always gets the British accent that sounds kind of like Ozzy when he’s had one too many. And the he usually throws up in. Three...Two...One

Nikki: Aww, seriously dude. These were brand new shoes too.

8. You and Kevin are walking down the street one day when a stranger shouts, “Oh my God! You’re Kevin DuBrow!” Kevin smiles a little and says, “Yep, that’s me. Always glad to meet a fan.” The stranger looks completely awestruck and shouts, “YOU ARE A GOD.” Kevin recoils a little bit and says, “I’m not, I’m just a guy.” How do you respond and what does the stranger do?

The stranger tries to hug Kevin which makes him recoil more and then I get between them. 

Me: Ok, buddy. You’re being very rude. Take social cues and realize Kevin doesn’t want you touching him. We’ll be happy to sign something as long as you don’t act crazy.”

9. You’re at a party with Kevin, Rudy, Bonham, Carlos, and Crue. When it’s time to go, you and Bonham are collecting the boys when you come across Tommy. He’s standing in the only path through the house, dancing. “Move,” Bonham says. Tommy doesn’t even turn around and cheers, “Fuck youuuuu.” Bonham slaps him on the ass to get him to move. He turns around and just leans over, towering over her, and you can’t tell if he’s pissed or turned on. What does he do and how do you and Bonham respond?

After a bit, I realize his pupils are dilated which means he’s really turned on. Since he’s way taller than both of us and extremely drunk we don’t have odds in our favor. Bons is trying to slip past him but he won’t let her. I quickly say, “Hey Tommy, Pamela is waiting for you out by our car. Why don’t you go get her?” “Pamela! Where?!” And he sprints out to the car. 

Bonham: Quick thinking. Now let’s round up the others. Mick’s getting Nikki and Vince. 

Me: And once we get back, we’re locking Tommy in his room. 

10. You’re doing tequila shots with Bonham, Kevin, and Rudy one day. After you’ve all had a few, you’re getting playful. You lick your hand, lick off the salt, and take your shot. You’re cringing, and you say, “Where’s the lime!?” (if you want I can explain how you take a tequila shot, if you don’t already know). Kevin giggles, and sticks it out of his mouth on his tongue. “You want it, take it.” He says around the lime. What do you do and how do Rudy and Bonham respond?

Well of course I’d take it. I pull him in and kiss him to get the lime and since we’re both drunk we end up making out. 

Rudy, who’s has had the least to drink, pulls the bottle off the table and caps it before saying, “Ok, that’s enough for you guys.” 

Bons gags and goes, “At least wait till Rudy and I aren’t in the room before having sex. Christ.” 

11. Bonham gets back from work one day before a show and it’s cold. She brings her sax in from the car and says, “Bertha needs to warm up, so I brought her in while I get ready.” You don’t think anything of it, and Kevin comes downstairs as Bonham goes up. He goes into the kitchen and then comes back out and sits with you. Bonham comes rushing down the stairs and stops into the kitchen before leaving, but when she gets in there she screams. “Who put my saxophone in the oven!?” Kevin shrinks into the couch a little bit as she storms out of the kitchen. “Who put my antique saxophone in the oven and melted her!?” Kevin mumbles, “I thought that would warm it up faster.” How does Bonham respond, and what do you say? Do you defend Kevin?

Bonham: How can you be so fucking stupid?! It can’t go in the oven. It’s like if I threw your stupid iron man toy in the oven

Kevin springs up and goes, “No! Don’t throw him in the oven! I’ve had him since I was a kid! That’s genocide!

I don’t like that the two most important people in my life are fighting so I get between them and calmly go, “I’m not siding with anyone but Bons, Kevin was only trying to be helpful. And you know how stupid he can be. And Kevin, try to use the brain that god gave you.” Before I slap him upside the head. “Also you will be paying for Bertha to be fixed or you will be buying Bons a new Sax.” 

____________________

1) You come home from work one day to find your singer laying underneath the Christmas tree. You drop your stuff and go, “What are you doing?” She doesn’t even look at you and says, “I’m thinking.” You join her underneath the tree and go, “I don’t know how you find this relaxing.” She’s about to say something when you hear Kevin go, “What the fuck are you two doing?” What do you and your singer say and how do Kevin and Randy respond?

2) Your band is on tour with Crüe promoting the joint album that had just released. Baby Mal is with you because QR is on their own tour and your singer and Kevin didn’t have anyone to watch him. One night, your singer is putting Mal to bed when you get a call from Kevin. You step outside of you and your singer’s hotel room to answer and the first thing you hear is, “I’m going to kill him! How can he take my wife and child away from me like that? I’m flying to your next venue so I can beat his ass!” You pull the phone away from your ear and go, “Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you talking about?” “Didn’t you see the article in the latest gossip magazine?” “No, I didn’t. Hold on.” You hang up and go down to the nearest convenence store to pick up the latest gossip magazine. Sure enough, you find your singer and Tommy on the front with your singer holding Mal. The headline reads, “Breaking news! War Angel’s singer has left Kevin DuBrow to raise their son with Tommy Lee!” What do you say when you call Kevin back, do you tell your singer, and what does Kevin do when he shows up at your next concert?

3) Your band is in a slump for your new album. Your band, Kevin, and Randy are in the studio trying to figure out what to do. You all take a break to go get lunch, although your singer stays behind. When you come back, your band, Randy, and Kevin find your singer in the recording booth singing along to The Wild and the Young. She doesn’t notice you guys at first until Erik says into the mic, “Hey, that’s pretty good. Why don’t we cover that?” How does your singer respond and what do you, Daryl, Linus, Randy, and Kevin say?

4) Daryl has recently been getting on your nerves a lot more and he is being really creepy towards your singer while working on your next album. One day, You, Kevin, Linus, and Erik come back from getting lunch to find your singer pinned against the wall trying to get Daryl off her. He didn’t do anything but he was close to it. Once he’s off her, she goes, “I don’t care what we do, but I want him out. I don’t feel safe. If you don’t want him out, I’ll leave. But right now...I need to get air.” You can tell she’s holding back tears. Once she leaves the room, what do you, Kevin, Erik, and Linus say to Daryl?

5) Your singer and her and Kevin’s kids have been staying with you and Randy since Kevin hit her when he was drunk. She says she won’t move back into their house until he gets help or goes into a program for his alcohol and drug use, “I’m not raising my kids around a raging addict.” One day, you’re watching the kids while your singer is at work. You hear the doorbell and you pick up Roxanne to get the door. When you open it, you find Kevin, he looks at you and then to Roxanne. He tries to grab her from you but you pull her closer to your chest. “Please just let me see my kids and my wife. I miss them so much. Please. Can you just tell her to move back home? I need them.” How do you respond?

6) It is the day of your singer and Kevin’s wedding. You’re helping her get ready (since you’re the maid of honor) and the other bridesmaids, her sister, Ash, and Christina, are helping as well. She’s just put her veil on and she turns around to look in the mirror. The four of you gush over how beautiful she looks, but she looks nervous. She sits on a chair and goes, “I don’t know if I can do this. I love Kevin so much, but I don’t know if I can go through with this.” She’s getting cold feet. What do you, her sister, Ash, and Christina say?

7) You come home from work one day to find your singer curled up in a ball on the couch with a box of tissues. You ask her what’s wrong and she goes, “Kevin just broke up with me because he and Randy have to go on tour for the first time.” How do you respond and what do you do about Kevin?

8) You band has decided to fire Daryl after he almost raped your singer and are now trying to find a drummer to replace him before going on tour. You and your singer have been auditioning people for weeks. She’s almost give up hope finding a good replacement when a young kid comes in to audition. He’s about eight years younger than you and the rest of the band, so you and your singer are a bit skeptical. He auditions and he’s phenomenal. Once he’s finished, you go, “What’s your name?” and your singer says, “That was amazing!” He smiles sheepishly and goes, “I’m Sean. I have always been a huge fan of you guys and modeled my playing after Daryl.” Sean has just turned twenty while the rest of your band is twenty-eight and older. Do you decide to hire him as the new drummer or do you decide against it because of his age?

9) You band has been around for about eight years and on the cusp of 1990 (it’s 1989) you go on tour. You bring along a burgeoning young act from Seattle called Nirvana. When your band and Nirvana meet for the first time, your singer goes to Kurt and says, “It’s so great to meet you, Kurt,” before sticking out her hand. He takes it, but while he does he says, “War Angel is an over-bloated, over-produced band that is just in it for the money. You only make music for the money.” How do you, your singer, Linus, Erik, and new drummer Sean respond?

10) You, Kevin, and Randy are sitting at the kitchen table when your singer comes bursting through the front door. Her hands are full but she drops her bag in the living room and is having a conversation wither her mother on the phone. The three of you are staring at her and when she gets off the phone, she goes, “What?” Kevin goes, “Where did the kid come from?” “Oh, this is my cousin Weston. Bons and I have to watch him this weekend. Did I forget to mention that?” She then hands you the baby, “Here Bons, can you hold him while I go get the rest of his stuff out of the car?” How do you, Kevin, and Randy respond and how does you weekend with Weston go?

11) Since Kevin broke up with your singer several months ago, she has moved on to date Duff McKagan of Guns N’ Roses. You’re still dating Randy so you and your singer still see Kevin a lot. Your singer most of the time just ignores him because she’s still very hurt at what he did to her. You, Randy, your singer, Duff, and the rest of QR (Kevin included) are hanging out at a bar. Your singer and Duff are being really cute. She’s sitting on his lap and he has his head resting on her shoulder and he occasionally kisses her neck or cheek. Kevin has been quiet and will glance over at the two of them occasionally. Your singer soon stands up and goes to you, “I’ll see you back home. Duff and I are going to a movie.” Before she grabs his hand and they walk out of the bar. What does Kevin say after they leave and how do you and Randy respond?

12) You got into a bad car accident and had to go into surgery. When you come to in the hospital bed, you feel someone holding your hand and murmuring. You open your eyes to find your singer at your bedside. She’s kneeling and holding your hand in hers and she looks like she’s praying. Just then Kevin comes in and goes, “You know praying won’t help, right?” How does your singer respond and what do you say? How do your singer and Kevin react once they realize you’re awake?

@osbournebemydaddy your move, Bons :)

[zaggitz]

My Games of the Year 2019

2019! Pretty dang good year personally, pretty dang garbage globally. Semi decent in terms of games? I feel like there were some hot bangers but they were all pretty spread out and far between. It probably doesn’t help that I worked a LOT this year, which means I ended up playing I think the least amount of new games in this year since I started making these lists. 2020 looks to have an even slower start but I know there’s new consoles on the way, E3 is gonna be a wild ride y’all.

As previously stated, I did not play a lot of games this year, but the ones I did I think were pretty good.

First off, I figured I’d list my games of the year for the past decade(links to the respective lists provided onnce I started doing them.): 2010: Super Mario Galaxy 2 2011: Dark Souls 2012: La-Mulana 2013: Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds 2014: Bayonetta 2 2015: Trails in the Sky SC 2016: Trails of Cold Steel 2 2017: Trails in the Sky The 3rd 2018: Dragon Quest XI: Echoes of an Elusive Age And now 2019:

10. Pokemon Sword It's that classic Pokemon formula only streamlined to take merely half the time(and half the Pokemon oops!!) In all honesty I really enjoyed my time with this game and the fact that it tried to be as tight as possible and didn’t waste your time felt really refreshing. I just wish it had a meatier postgame. I don’t mind the reduced dex but the lack of legendaries to hunt really sucked any wanting to play more out of me after seeing the credits.

9. Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening It's that classic weird Zelda game, only prettier and with even better music. The touched and fixes to the gameplay alongside the amazing atmosphere provided by the new graphics and revamped sound track make this the definitive version of a true classic.

8. Resident Evil 2

Mr X is literally the scariest thing I've had to deal with in a game in years and I twitch uncontrollably whenever i hear loud footsteps heading my way in real life now. I still need to sneak back in and do a second playthrough before RE3make hits next year(????fuck yes????)

7. Devil May Cry 5

It only took like 15 years but we finally got a new genuine Devil May Cry game and its the best one yet??? It capped off a lot of the plot threads from 4 and felt like a complete game with tons of love put into it and I'm so glad Capcom is having this renaissance the past couple of years if this kind of stuff is what we have to look forward to.

6. Judgement Fantastic spinoff to the Yakuza games, same great setting, amazing new cast of characters. Probably would have been higher on the list if it didn't give me cat noise ptsd from having to find all the hidden cats during investigations.

5. Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night Score another win for people getting to revive genres/series they used to be huge players in. Playing this game feels like being pulled right back into the mid 00s and I mean that in the best way possible. 

It oozes so much mechanical personality out of every poor, the soundtrack rules and it scratches that 100% completionist itch the way only a true IGAvania can.

4. Fire Emblem: Three Houses I only played Blue Lions but this is already my favorite fire emblem I've ever played. There's basically not a single character I didn't like and I found the Blue Lions plot to be extremely emotionally gripping and satisfying overall. 

The exploration of its themes of ptsd, growing up in war times, racism, classism and all the social struggles that come with these things is second to none when it comes to this series, and I can’t wait to dive back in for another playthrough soon.

3. Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice This game fucking rules as hard as it is hard. I love From Soft's version of feudal Japan and I really hope they get some dlc or a sequel to flesh some of their ideas out because they are super fascinating.

I try to be very thoughtful about why I like the games I like but man this game is just plain old rad and fun and hard and some guy cuts a portal to hell out of his neck and you fight his super powered grandpa after he climbs out of the portal. It’s a good video game.

2. Trails of Cold Steel 3 Basically any other year this would have been my go to number one contender. I love this game and this series to bits but i think it spends a little too much time backpedaling on its payoffs in order to keep all the reveals for the final act which, while incredible, is pretty exhausting by the time you get there. 

New Class VII are some of my fave characters in the series, Ash and Altina especially. I really loved them pulling back plot threads like Hamel that have been simmering in the background for almost two decades now. The music as always is fucking incredible. By the end of the game it truly feels like the beginning of a culmination for so many years of built up plotlines and then oops it cuts to black.

Well, I guess I’m really looking forward to CS4 then!!

1. Final Fantasy XIV: Shadowbringers I always enjoyed this game in the past mostly as a side game to kill time but the beauty of having a game run this long means that it has just as much time to get you invested in its world and its characters. The fact that this expansion starts by taking all of that away and throwing you and your band of misfit allies into completely uncharted territory, devoid of all resources and external allies, is just the faintest tease at how spectacularly bold this expansion is.

Despite the fact that this game takes place in a whole new world mostly divorced from the main political arcs established so far, it goes maybe the furthest in terms of huge metaplot shattering and affecting reveals. By the end of this game I sympathized and understood the villains of this game in a way I never imagine I would be able to.

The character writing is superb, the menagerie of side characters you’ve come to know over the past three games finally get a chance to shine as they are stranded in the strange alternate universe mirror of the main game. Before this game I liked one or two of the Scions quite a bit but found the rest of the team to be pretty forgettable. By the end of Shadowbringers each and everyone one of them stand as some of my favorites in any jrpg I’ve ever played.

The villain of this expansion is just straight up the best most well written, sympathetic and relate-able foe from any FF game so far. Hell, even outside of Final Fantasy I have trouble thinking of another villain who I shed legit tears for when they finally passed on.

The game’s music is incredible and otherwordly, the changes they made to the classes (that I play) were all rad and Ardbert is my Husband of the Year all Years.

I’ve always played this game pretty casually without massive investment but I'm here for the long haul after this expansion.

[gadgetsrevv]

Emre Can is right to be upset at Champions League snub, the result of Juve’s poor planning

Can’s frustration and omission from Juve’s CL squad could have been easily avoided. Instead, he’s forced to spectate.

It’s one half of the transfer season, and it’s often the side that gets overlooked. Selling. And doing it well. It’s also what is making Juventus’ summer — beyond the excitement generated by Mathijs De Ligt, Merih Demiral, Aaron Ramsey (when he finally plays), Adrien Rabiot and the return of Gigi Buffon — so hard to judge. And a reminder that when you hand out a contract it has consequences not just in the present but in the future too.

For all the praise heaped upon the club’s transfer gurus, Fabio Paratici and Pavel Nedved, for the inbound work, there’s an evident flip-side.

When Juventus submitted their Champions League squad list, there were only 22 names on it. Cut from the list were Emre Can, Mario Mandzukic, Giorgio Chiellini, Mattia Perin and Marko Pjaca. The latter two have been injured since the spring, won’t be back for a while and would need to prove their fitness before they could be sold or loaned out anyway. No biggie. Chiellini picked up a serious injury just before the transfer market closed and won’t return until the new year.

But what about the other two?

– Story: Can ‘extremely shocked’ at snub – Horncastle: Juve-Napoli epic hints at super season – Chiellini tears ACL, out six months

UEFA rules cap squads at 25 players aged 21 or over. Why register fewer? Because you can only have 25 if you have, among them, four “association-trained” players (basically, Italians or foreign players who were in Italy for three consecutive seasons between the ages of 15 and 21) and four “homegrown” players. Juventus have plenty of the former but just one of the latter: third keeper Carlo Pinsoglio, who has about as much chance of playing as he does of partying with Rihanna.

That speaks directly to two concerns. One is that Juventus have simply neglected creative a pathway from the youth academy to the first-team squad. The other is simply poor planning when it comes to contracts and transfers.

Regarding the academy, it’s not that Juventus aren’t producing decent youth players. No fewer than six Juve academy products (most notably, Moise Kean) were called up for the Italian national team in the past year; it’s just that they play for other clubs. That may change in the future: Juventus were the only Italian club to take advantage of a rule change to create an Under-23 side that plays in the third tier. But for now, no homegrown players means fewer bodies available for the Champions League.

If the Academy issue is one that will take time resolve, the glut of players is a more recent foul-up. In early August, Maurizio Sarri himself said that he had too many players and expected half a dozen to be gone. That’s why a huge amount of players — from Daniele Rugani to Blaise Matuidi, from Khedira to Emre Can, from Gonzalo Higuain to Mandzukic, from Paulo Dybala to Demiral — were linked with moves, either on loan or permanent deals. It only made sense. Move them on to lower the wage bill and, where possible, get some cash in. But most of all, don’t get stuck with guys you can’t use.

Instead, they’re all still there. And there’s no escaping the fact that their wages and long contracts had a lot to do with it.

Mandzukic got a contract extension in March. Khedira got a his new contract in September 2018 and then went on to start just eight league games that season. Higuain has two years left on a mega-deal that pays him close to $20 million a season. Dybala is on the hook until 2022, with a salary of around $16m. Emre Can, of course, arrived in 2018 with one of those free-transfers-that-is-anything-but-free when you consider the $18m paid in commissions to agents to secure his signature.

Chickens come home to roost. Clubs weren’t willing to push the boat out for overpaid thirty somethings with multi-year deals — sorry, Mandzukic (33), Khedira (32) and Higuain (31) — few can afford them and those who can chose not to. Dybala and Can, who are younger, were saleable assets and there was interest, but both opted to stay and fight for their places. As for Rugani, he was taken off the market once Chiellini was injured.

It was the only silver lining, otherwise Juve would have had three guys on starter money who they could not use in the Champions League until the new year at the earliest. Instead, they have two, one of whom is not best pleased.

“On Tuesday they phoned me and told me, in a conversation that didn’t even last a minute, that I was not on the list and they didn’t give an explanation,” Can told the German newspaper Bild. “That does make me angry and furious because I think that I played well last season, above all in the Champions League.”

You can see his point. He made 37 appearances for a club that won the league and now he’ll listen to the Champions League anthem from the stands. As for Mandzukic, I like to imagine him somewhere smashing rocks to vent his frustration.

The point is that it shouldn’t come to this. At the risk of sounding like a bean-counter, mega-squads mean dead money, because guys who don’t play don’t contribute on the pitch but still get paid: they’re simply very expensive insurance policies. But being forced to cut Can and Mandzukic after flogging them — and a host of others — all summer speaks to something else.

It’s simply poor planning, and Juventus are paying the price for it. Maybe it won’t matter, maybe they’ll still romp their way to the Serie A title. But it’s pretty evident somebody dropped the ball here.

And amid the many “W” in Juve’s transfers, this category gets an “L.”

//due to VPPA compliance we can not send keywords through URLs implicitly in the US var countryValue = $.cookie("country"); if(!!countryValue && countryValue !== "us") {

(function() { var _fbq = window._fbq || (window._fbq = []); if (!_fbq.loaded) { var fbds = document.createElement('script'); fbds.async = true; fbds.src = "http://connect.facebook.net/en_US/fbds.js"; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(fbds, s); _fbq.loaded = true; } _fbq.push(['addPixelId', '1587432981493230']); })(); window._fbq = window._fbq || []; window._fbq.push(['track', 'PixelInitialized', {}]);

$.ajax({ url: '//pixel.mathtag.com/event/js?mt_id=694557&mt_adid=137010&v1=&v2=&v3=&s1=&s2=&s3=', dataType: 'script', cache: true }); } (function(d, s, id) {var js, fjs = d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0];if (d.getElementById(id)) return;js = d.createElement(s); js.id = id;js.src = "http://connect.facebook.net/en_GB/all.js#xfbml=1&appId=116656161708917";fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js, fjs);}(document, "script", "facebook-jssdk")); Source link

via wordpress https://ift.tt/32vgV1X

[thefalse9]

Euro 2020 Team Previews: Group D

England:

In their first Euros outing in 1968, England finished third, of four teams. They’re still waiting to improve on that. Only Belgium and the old Yugoslavia could claim to have performed better at European Championships without winning one. England have been international football’s big underachievers since 1966, from home-soil heroes to the failed Golden Generation. The Three Lions have won one knockout game in the history of this competition. On penalties. As hosts. I'm not even kidding, look it up. Five years ago, they crashed out to Iceland; as the song goes, we’d seen it all before. What followed, though, was new: it led to a scorched earth rejuvenation of English football, led by some of the greatest minds in the game. Pep Guardiola, Jurgen Klopp and Marcelo Bielsa all arrived, followed by a cast of club legends making early forays into management. Together, they’ve helped to reshape the country’s tactical make-up into something more modern. An Icelandic volcano turned English football to ash, but from the rubble, something new and exciting has risen from it. There’s hope for the class of 2021. The Three Lions’ current pride isn’t an empty collection of big names – there are still titans of elite European sides, but vitally, there’s a balance that seems to have evaded the national team for 55 years. England finally have defensive midfielders and left-footers. A good grouping of the current XI are captains of their clubs. Importantly, the country’s youth-level champions of recent years are coming of age, giving Gareth Southgate genuine selection migraines. For many, England’s talent reserves are the envy of Europe as many sitting on the bench would have started for other nations competing in Euro 2020. Since 2018, the pragmatism of Southgate’s World Cup semi-finalists has come to the fore: they are prepared to win ugly, even if a squad packed with attacking prowess suggests otherwise. If we're being honest, the 12-month postponement of Euro 2020 may have even worked in England’s favor, too, as so many young Lions have received a year’s extra education before the big tournament. Mason Mount and Phil Foden have developed into legitimate superstars, Reece James looks like one of the best fullbacks in football and this new "Golden Generation" may actually be better than the last. Could the stars align? We haven’t seen a crop quite like this for some time, and while England doesn’t quite expect to win it all, there’s plenty of serious promise.

Euro 2020 may be a bridge too far for Southgate’s squad, but their journey over the last five years shows they’re on the right track. If they can shake off the nation’s tag as perennial underachievers in football, then maybe, just maybe, this fucking thing is "coming home".

Croatia:

In the past three years, Croatia seen a generational shift occur within their national team – never an easy task for a country with so small a talent pool. The situation was hardly helped by Ivan Rakitic’s sudden international retirement last September; the midfielder following forward Mario Mandzukic and goalkeeper Danijel Subasic in saying goodbye to the national team in the aftermath of the sepia-tinged summer of 2018. Yet, still led by Luka Modric’s effortless brilliance, the perennial dark horses remain a strong outfit, albeit a little green around the edges. Some squad members have already shown great maturity in stepping up, particularly 26-year old Dinamo Zagreb keeper Dominik Livakovic, whom has between fantastic between the sticks, and 23-year-old former Everton midfielder Nikola Vlasic. Dinamo’s Mislav Orsic is still floating on air after his stunning hat-trick knocked Tottenham out of the Europa League. Most encouragingly? Manager Zlatko Dalic can also rely upon one player the wider European public has yet to meet: striker Bruno Petkovic. Similar to Olivier Giroud in many ways, the hulking Dinamo centre-forward offers Croatia an important tactical variant as a hulking in-the-box presence amidst a sea of pint-sized technicians. Yet more vital is that Modric, the quintessential captain, who is still playing at the highest level after yet another fine Real Madrid season, isn’t tired of wearing the famed checkered shirt. They'll go as far as his mastery, wizardy, incredible ability and undying passion for his national team will take them. This team is green, but by no means does that mean they're incapable of making a semi-finals appearance. Croatia’s group is extremely demanding because it contains two hosts (England and Scotland) and the reawakened Czech Republic, whose players increasingly recall previous generations. That being said, reaching the knockout stages should not be an issue. The fact that reaching the knockout stage is now the minimum expectation from the Croatian public is proof of just how far this team has come. The big names may lack their forebears’ name recognition, but the talent remains for them to go far.

Scotland:

Don’t let anyone tell you that international football is irrelevant and that representing your country doesn't matter anymore in the age of mega-contracts, "Super Leagues", "Champions Leagues" and endorsement deals. If they persist, point them in the direction of Ryan Christie’s post-match interview with Sky Sports on the night that Scotland finally ended their agonizing 23-year wait to appear at a major international tournament. For about two minutes, the Celtic star did his best to juggle obvious exhaustion, joy and sheer relief while the tears flowed down in his face in an abject display of patriotism that would make even the biggest skeptic struggle to watch without wondering who was cutting onions or who opened the window and let all this pollen into the room. This had been a long time coming. The night of their play-off in Serbia was about as ‘Scotland’ as it gets. Even though Steve Clarke’s side put in a confident, and composed performance against visibly shaken opposition; given the lead through a Christie goal that looked to be enough for victory, Serbian star and all-together disappointment Luka Jovic delivered a sucker-punch equalizer in stoppage time. Long-suffering Scotland supporters at home feared the worst. And, as it were, the Serbians pushed Scotland to the brink in extra time. But Scotland stood firm, then David Marshall secured legendary status among the Tartan Army with a superb save from Aleksandar Mitrovic's effort to settle the penalty shootout at 5-4. Back in Scotland, there was utter pandemonium. Football can’t do much to make up for a year of loss and sacrifice, but it has at least reaffirmed its status as the most important of the least important things. For one night, Christie & company gave their country the gift of a priceless distraction in a year when we needed it most. Scotland’s hard-fought win in Belgrade lengthened their unbeaten stretch under Clarke to nine games – their best run in 44 years. It hasn't been easy, however. Clarke and his management team have had to tweak their system along the way and injuries have forced some previously unheralded players to earn caps. Others have been forced out for resting on their old laurels (sorry Leigh Griffiths), while others have been handed opportunities based on merit and ability (hello, Lyndon Sykes). For all that qualification represented to Clarke, though, he’s too proud for his side to just make up the numbers this summer. They probably won't make it to the next round. They were handed a rough draw this time around and the Czech Republic is a tough out. That said, Scotland is going to fight until they can't anymore. It's what they know.

Czech Republic:

Back in England for another major tournament a quarter of a century after their incredible run to the Euro 96 Final, the Czechs travel to the UK with a buoyant mood and a settled squad. They’re unencumbered by expectation, and bring a team of promising young players and hungry internationals from Europe’s top five leagues, so another underdog showing is the hope for the nation's fans and for manager Jaroslav Silhavy.

Tomas Soucek – he of the granite forehead, man-mountain shoulders and elbows that can be thrown like boulders – and full-back Vladimir Coufal already delivered solid performances for Slavia Prague, but not even the most ardent Czech fan would have expected the level both have reached in West Ham’s excellent 2020-21 Premier League campaign, thus leading both players to capture the imagination and incite the excitement of a country who is beginning to believe this team may have what it takes Meanwhile, the Czechs’ best forward, Patrik Schick – on loan at RB Leipzig last year – has finally sorted out his future by leaving Roma for Bayer Leverkusen. The 25-year-old looks settled at his new club, and by mid-April he had scored 13 goals in 29 appearances for the German outfit. He'll be expected to lead the line, and from all appearances, looks prepared to do so, finally living up to the potential and expectations bestowed upon him at a young age. That being said, no Czech side has ever been about individuals, not even in Pavel Nedved’s era: even in a loaded team, with Karel Poborsky and Vladimir Smicer, the Czechs were more than a one-man show and played united, hard-nosed football, stoked more in pragmatism and a cohesive identity than individual moments of brilliance. Team spirit, tactical preparation, defensive organization and a well-balanced squad tend to trump all when it comes to the Czech squad. Boosted psychologically by their promotion to Nations League A, Silhavy’s troops also know what to expect in this group: they’d already beaten England in qualifying when they pipped Scotland to top spot in their Nations League division. Their football is unlikely to be beautiful, but they will be tough to beat, and with their would-be stars in top-form coming into the tournament, do not be surprised to see the Czech Republic make the knockouts as one of the best Third-Place teams.

[biofunmy]

Battling Their Way Into the U.S. Open

In her pretournament news conference on Friday, the defending United States Open champion Naomi Osaka was asked about her early experience at tennis’ major championships.

“My first Slam was qualies here,” Osaka said of the Open’s 128-player qualifying tournament, which allows lower-ranked players a chance to earn one of the remaining coveted spots — 16 each for men and women — in the main draw. “But we don’t count qualies.”

Osaka lost in the second round of qualifying in 2015, but the official U.S. Open record book has no mention of that.

“At the end of the day, your career is measured by how many Grand Slam main draws you played in,” said Eric Butorac, the director of pro tennis operations and player relations for the United States Tennis Association, who as a player never qualified in singles at the Open. “People don’t look at the qualifying the same way they do a main draw match. It’s a real status thing.”

The difference between qualifying and main draw starts with prize money. A third-round loser in qualifying pockets $32,000, but a first-round appearance in the main draw nets a player a minimum of $58,000 this year.

Main draw players also receive perks such as a chauffer-driven Mercedes-Benz and $400 per day for living expenses. Qualifying participants get $300 per day and a shuttle bus from the U.S.T.A. Billie Jean King National Tennis Center to one of three New York City hotels.

One of the most coveted perks for main draw participants is a visit to the gift redemption center, or the so-called swag suite, next to the player lounge. There they receive $1,100 worth of merchandise, which might include a Herschel backpack, a silver Tiffany necklace (or card case), a Nordstrom gift card, Bose noise-masking earbuds or other luxury items.

For those who lose in the final round of qualifying, it can’t feel good to see an opponent walking around the grounds wearing a cashmere scarf, as a reminder that they just missed out.

“I get nauseous watching these last rounds of qualifying at a major,” the broadcaster Mary Carillo said. “The most pressure-fraught matches they may ever play will be in these rounds. I feel so much for these young kids who are trying to get into their first major. I see a lot of double faults in those matches.”

On Friday, the last day of qualifying, across 14 courts at the National Tennis Center, 64 players in 32 matches shared one goal: win and reach the main draw. Here are some of their stories.

3:25 p.m.

Jenson Brooksby d. Pedro Martínez

Starting an hour and a half late because of a rain delay, Brooksby, an 18-year-old Californian also known as J.T., won and became the only American man to reach the main draw through qualifying. Last year, Brooksby got a wild card into the main draw when he won the junior national championship in Kalamazoo, Mich. He lost in the first round to the Australian John Millman, who went on to upset Roger Federer in the round of 16.

Brooksby could have competed in Kalamazoo again this year, but he opted for the challenge of U.S. Open qualifying. He played before a packed house of more than 1,500 on Court 11.

“I just felt like I had worked so hard, I was a year older and I felt ready,” Brooksby said after he defeated Martínez, a 22-year-old from Spain, 6-3, 6-7 (4), 6-3. “Coming through qualies is incredibly tough. I’ve never played in front of a crowd this big.”

Brooksby led by 5-3 and served for the match at 5-4 in the second set, only to double-fault on break point. After a brief rain delay in which both players stayed on court, Brooksby dropped the tiebreaker. He then sat in his chair while Martínez called the trainer. Brooksby removed his baseball cap and repeatedly ran his fingers through his hair.

“He’s emotional,” his coach, Joe Gilbert, said. “This is probably the biggest match he’s ever played.”

Brooksby is expected to play collegiate tennis at Baylor starting in January, assuming he maintains his amateur status. That would mean turning down at least $58,000 in prize money here. As of Friday, he was not sure what he would do.

3:48 p.m.

Jannik Sinner d. Mario Vilella Martínez

Sinner, an 18-year-old Italian, barely broke into a smile as he dispatched Vilella Martínez, a 24-year-old from Spain, 7-6 (1), 6-0. Both men were trying to qualify at a major for the first time.

Sinner, who won an ATP Challenger event in Lexington, Ky., two weeks ago, waved his racket to the crowd on Court 11 and trundled off the court. He had nothing to say.

4:18 p.m.

Jiri Vesely d. Paolo Lorenzi

Lorenzi and Vesely battled for more than three and a half hours on Court 15. Lorenzi, a 37-year-old Italian, was ranked No. 33 in the world two years ago and reached the round of 16 here in that same year. But now he was exhausted and fighting for his life in the qualifying tournament.

Vesely, a 26-year-old Czech who was ranked No. 35 in 2015, served for the match at 6-4, 5-3, 30-30. He held a match point in the third set. He finally won, 6-4, 5-7, 7-6 (2) when Lorenzi missed a backhand into the net. Vesely roared like a lion for a full two minutes.

“It was just for relief,” said Vesely, who admitted to looking forward to shedding the shuttle bus for a courtesy car. “The whole match I felt really tight. This is so much harder than playing the main draw, especially because I felt like I was expected to win every round. I really put pressure on myself. Right now, I’m just so happy and proud of how I finished.”

4:55 p.m.

Sumit Nagal d. Joao Menezes

Neither Nagal nor Menezes, both 22, had ever qualified at a major. Nagal, from India, had won only three Challenger-level matches on hardcourts all year. Menezes, from Brazil, won the gold medal in singles at the Pan American Games in Peru two weeks ago. His total career prize money before this week was just $78,271, and he had never even played qualies at a major before.

When Nagal came back to beat Menezes, 5-7, 6-4, 6-3, he threw his racket to the ground and thrust both arms into the air. After a huge fist pump he trotted over to his coach, and the two shared a long embrace.

Nagal was overwhelmed by fans after the win. They screamed for selfies and autographs, following him down the hall toward the locker room after he left the court.

“It’s a Slam,” Nagal said, shrugging off the extra attention. “When you do well, everyone comes at you.”

For him, reaching the main draw meant not only the chance to continue playing, but income that can translate into job security. He plans to invest his earnings into his training.

“You barely make money and break even,” he said. “Now at least I have something so I can last for a few more months.”

But his U.S. Open may last only a few more days. Nagal’s first-round opponent? Roger Federer, on Monday night.

7:19 p.m.

Peng Shuai d. Nicole Gibbs

With the sun setting and the lights up on Court 6, Gibbs looked over and saw Peng sprawled by her courtside chair, trainers tending to her cramping body.

At that point, Peng, a 33-year-old from China who was a semifinalist in the 2014 Open, had already proven her resilience. She had defeated her American opponent, 6-3, 4-6, 6-3, in 2 hours 14 minutes, advancing to the main draw.

Yet for Gibbs, a 26-year-old Californian who reached the third round of the Open in 2014, simply competing at the National Tennis Center this summer was also a display of fortitude. In May, a routine visit to the dentist led to the discovery of a rare salivary gland cancer, followed by an operation and a two-month hiatus from the tour for Gibbs.

After some stitches came loose, Gibbs was forced to use a feeding tube for a month, instead of the expected two days. All the while, she kept up her off-court training.

“The week from diagnosis until we knew it was contained was really rough,” said Paul Gibbs, Nicole’s father, who sat courtside to watch her try to make the Open main draw in just her fourth tournament back. “But I think it gave her a little more perspective on what’s important in life.”

On Friday, Gibbs chased down seemingly impossible retrievals and chastised herself for every missed ball. When the match was over, Gibbs sat in her chair for a bit, then got up, waved to the crowd, signed a few autographs and disappeared behind the court.

About an hour later, Gibbs earned one of the five so-called lucky-loser spots in the main draw — positions that open up after withdrawals and go to the highest-ranked players who lose in the last round of qualifying.

On Tuesday, Gibbs will play fourth-seeded Simona Halep, who won Wimbledon last month. There is a glimmer of hope: As the No. 1 seed last year, Halep lost in the first round.

Danielle Allentuck contributed reporting.

Sahred From Source link Sports

from WordPress http://bit.ly/2NscWyW via IFTTT

[bensopinionsonvariousthingsblr]

Top 5 favorite games

Alright so here is the second, part I’ve been spending a lot of time working on this whole thing so I hope you enjoy! 

 Number 5:The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap                                                Developer and Release year: Nintendo, 2004 Japan, 2005 NA                            What it can be played on: GBA/ Wii U Virtual Console 

       So I’m not gonna pretend like 4 of my top 5 picks aren’t Zelda games, that being said the Minish Cap is a game I played more recently, around last year, and at first after beating it I sort of just put it in my top 20, I loved it yeah, but I never really thought about it until now that, even though it was short, every thing about this game was solid and fun to me, the shrinking mechanic was challenging but very well done aesthetically, and the story was good, with the relationship between Link and Zelda, them being childhood friends and Link doing whatever it takes to have his friend back, and the villain Vaati was interesting in his relationship with the Minish (The inhabitants of the tiny world) and his final boss fight being very difficult for me, and the story wraps up nicely as usual, all in all it was a Zelda experience that I truly loved, and my favorite 2D Zelda game.

 Favorite part(s): Definitely the Aesthetic and design of the tiny world, and all the charm around the entire game

 Number 4:Sonic Adventure 2                                                                                  Developer and Release year: Sega, 2001                                                              What it can be played on: Dreamcast/Gamecube/PC/PS3/XB360    

 There it is, probably the most controversial pick on this entire list, unless maybe the next one is too i dont know, but I am a Sonic fan, which is something sort of rare these days, unless you like Mania which is pretty awesome but I’m more of a 3D guy, but this game is my favorite Sonic game because, even though the story is confusing I love it, it was dark and i legitimately felt like Dr.Robotnik was actually a major threat. There are 3 types of gameplay, the Classic Sonic/Shadow, The treasure hunting, and the robot/mech levels that make up the game, the best is the Classic gameplay of Sonic and Shadow, that usually isn’t up for debate, the other modes are pretty fun, but I love the game for the Sonic/Shadow levels, and the game to me really picks up on the Space Colony Ark in the Final Act. The *spoilers ahead* part where Shadow (who I forgot to mention is one of my favorite characters and not because I’m an edgy frick) turns to Sonic’s side and fights the Biolizard to buy them time, Shadow’s character arc was amazing in this game, and the final boss was really fun too, not to mention the soundtrack i mean, it’s a sonic game of course there’s a good soundtrack.

 Favorite part(s): Shadow the Hedgehog, his levels, character arc, and general mystery surrounding the black and red anti-hero was amazing to me. 

 Number 3:The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword                                                  Developer and Release year: Nintendo, 2011                                                        What it can be played on: Wii/Wii U virtual console   

 I have defended this game in so many tweets and irl debates it’s incredible, Skyward Sword released to a 10/10 from IGN (that doesn’t matter to me much but it is an accolade) a 93 Metacritic score, which I do care about since it is an overall score and even got some Game of the Year awards in a year where Skyrim, Portal 2, Minecraft, Mario Galaxy 2, and many more were up for contention, but that proves nothing I just wanted to prove that I have argued about it enough that I know what I’m talking about. The main problem everyone has with this game is the motion controls, they say they are not accurate or don’t work, which can sometimes be true but, Scott Falco (he makes the “”with a side of salt series which he has some very good opinions on) says it the best, he said that he didn’t like it sitting down just waggling the wii remote, you’ve gotta stand up and play, then you fell immersed like YOU are the one doing it and not the wii remote, that is what i agree with and stand by anyway. Now past those criticisms I don’t think there are many more, some people don’t like the story, but to me this game has the BEST story in maybe any game I’ve ever played, the Link and Zelda relationship is better than any other game in my opinion and only Breath of the Wild comes close to that relationship in my opinion, now, the rest of the story is intriguing too, the origin of the master sword (I’m not going to comment on Fi, some people got too annoyed with her to focus on her amazing character arc in my opinion) the existence of Skyloft and the very first Link, Zelda, and Ganon in the form of Demise, all of it was done well and was very interesting to me. I liked the gameplay too, I think the new sprinting and stamina system was revolutionary to the series and made movement a lot more improved from previous entries in the franchise. The final act with the boss battle with Ghirahim and eventually Demise were very cinematic and awesome, and with Zelda’s life on the line during the whole thing it made it just that much more intense. 

Favorite part(s): THE STORY, I can not say enough how much I love the story but also I loved the boss battles,  Demise,Ghirahim,The Ancient Automaton, and all of them were fun to me.

 Number 2:The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild                                              Developer and Release year: Nintendo, 2017                                                        What it can be played on: Switch/Wii U   

  This game is a new staple in the Zelda series, the highest selling of all time, a new open world, a Game of the Year winner in almost all the awards shows, and even still people love to pick on this game a little bit, with all the weapon-breaking criticisms, and I know that can get annoying, but it does add a new layer of difficulty to an already difficult game, anyway Breath of the Wild was first known as Zelda for the Wii U, and it was revealed with a trailer at E3 2014 and was slated for release in 2015, of course it got pushed back and with Nintendo now finished with the switch they announced Breath of the Wild as a launch title, March 3rd, 2017 will always be one of my favorite days of all time, as I got my switch and had the first mainline Zelda game release as a fan of the series, and I did NOT stop playing it that night until about 1 AM (thats a rookie number now i mean c’mon I tweeted at 3 AM last night then went ahead and watched a movie) which was super late for me at the time though and I went to bed ecstatic about the game, I had gotten to a part where the story was starting to go forward and I couldn’t wait to finish it, about 6 or 7 days later I did and BOI let me tell ya I loved every second of that week, the gameplay is smooth and fun with combat being re-invented and then the Guardians were really fun because up until the end i didnt know about the shield thing so I would just bash them with all the brute force i had, the final boss fight was incredible (thats a common theme with my favorite Zelda games) and the Dark Beast Ganon fight was really atmospheric and entertaining as well and the ending with the re-uniting of Link and Zelda was so well done and just makes for a perfect ending.

Favorite Part(s): I loved the massive open world and all the secrets and new enemies and shrines to discover, it just made my time playing the game very enjoyable! Plus everything else like the story and the combat.

Number 1:The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker                                                Developer and Release year: Nintendo 2002 JP/2003/ 2013 HD                            What it can be played on: Gamecube/Wii U

  The Wind Waker. My unwavering favorite game for who knows how long now, the first Zelda game I ever finished and my introduction to great single player games as a whole really. The Wind Waker released in December in Japan and followed up the next year World Wide, the art style of the cell-shaded characters had never been seen before in a Zelda game and people were skeptical about whether or not it would go down well. Well it released and the people of December in Japan and of March World wide were very pleased with the game and loved it for its gameplay, story, vast ocean and many islands to explore with many hours of gameplay to be put in discovering everything the game had to offer, as for me i wouldnt get to play it for a while longer considering i was VERY young at the time of its release, so I would get to play it when it re-released for the Wii U in 2013, about ten years after the release of the original, I didnt get it though until Christmas of 2015 (or 2014 Im not honestly sure) but it wasnt even my gift, as I’ve said before it was my brother’s and i just watched him play it for a bit and tried it myself after being intrigued, and I dont know if I stopped very much over the course of the time I played it, I was challenged by the puzzles, and from the very opening at Outset Island I loved the art style and loved the characters in the story, with the new unique take on Zelda as Tetra, having Link sailing instead of walking, heck even having Hyrule not even the setting (for most of the game anyway) was new to the series and as my first 3D Zelda game I was captivated by all of it, everything about my favorite franchise now was fresh and new and thats something I’ll never get to experience again which is probably why I remember and still play the Wind Waker which such a fondness today, because of how new everything was to me and how much I enjoyed all of it, not to mention the final boss fight (here we go again) was and is still my favorite, with the world being submerged around you and you and Zelda enclosed with no way out other than through Ganondorf, the games story as always (I hate how repetitive I am) ended very well and to this day it remains one of my favorite stories ever told, and I don’t know if anything will be able to top this game just because of the time in my life in which I got to experience it and with how solid the game as a whole is.

Favorite Part(s): The Wide-open sea and the islands are all so cool and creative, plus the Final boss fight still stands as my favorite to this day.

Thanks a TON for reading through all of this, I had started work on it some time last year and got super busy doing other things during all this time but it really means a ton to me that people would actually care enough to read what I write, or even just skim it, 

                                                         Thanks -Ben :)

[readthenwhat-blog]

Pelicans trade for DeMarcus Cousins, Kings get underwhelming haul

Boogie to that team for that return on that night? Who saw this coming? We are not going to trade DeMarcus Cousins, they said. Raising an eyebrow at anything said by Kings management is commonplace these days. But for the New Orleans Pelicans to emerge as the prime suitor (at least in the eyes of Sacramento’s decision maker, Vivek Ranidive) seemed improbable at best. But here we are. Boogie Cousins and Omri Casspi are heading to New Orleans in exchange for Buddy Hield, Tyreke Evans, Langston Galloway, NOP’s 2017 1st round pick (protected 1–3) and NOP’s 2017 2nd round pick. Because Sacramento’s roster was full, they had to first waive a player as they sent out two players and agreed to bring back three. Matt Barnes reportedly will get the axe. The veteran wing signed a 2 year/$12.5 million deal in the summer of 2016; ‘17-’18 would have been a player option. The immediate and short term future for New Orleans is as clear as ever stacked up against recent years as it is foggy. GM Dell Demps is fighting for his job and ownership wants a playoff berth. Make the playoff push now and maybe steal two from the Warriors in the first round. Bring Jrue Holiday back, find help on the wing and rise to the middle of the pack in 2018. Seems possible, right? But almost immediately after acquiring Cousins, New Orleans is thinking about his next contract. Would he be willing to sign an extension with the Pels this summer? If he waits it out to put the pressure on the front office, one first round series appearance in 2017 may not be enough. All those good vibes will be dead and gone if the roster doesn’t improve around its stars. Cousins and 2017 All Star Game MVP Anthony Davis make for an interesting on court fit worth tracking. Both have the range to space out some and can get their own. Head Coach Alvin Gentry could do some staggering with the two bigs to prop up the offense across all 48 minutes. Depending on the discussion you’ve been dropped into, staggering has run its course as an NBA buzzword. Yet the fact remains: New Orleans needs to squeeze all it can out of Terrence Jones, Donotas Motiejunas, Dante Cunningham and Solomon Hill minutes. Before all that, New Orleans needs Jrue Holiday to stay healthy. The bottom of the West is still littered with teams that want in. Save for some unnamed Kings sources that think otherwise now that Cousins is gone, one of those teams will be dropping toward the bottom real quick to join the Lakers and Suns. Vlade Divac said some interesting things to the media on Monday, namely that he had received a better trade package for Cousins two days later. People are in a rush to jump on the Kings. First, I’d rather focus on the other NBA teams that did or didn’t jump in to trump New Orleans’ offer. The silver lining to this all: Vivek is absolutely enthralled with Buddy Hield. That is almost a separate issue. Nobody else can get all the way inside Vivek’s head, and the people around him can only do so much. We know that some of these NBA teams cannot be saved because of who is running them. But if the rest of the league had caught wind that Hield and just one 1st round pick were the best out there, why didn’t some of these teams take more of a swing? Chicago: Was this a missed opportunity to make things right to whichever extent possible with Jimmy Butler by simply overwhelming him with a major addition? They have all their own 1sts moving forward. How about Taj Gibson + Nikola Mirotic + Michael Carter-Williams and two firsts? Even though he’s expiring, I’d have thrown my salesman cap on to sell Mirotic as a stretch 4 moving forward for a team that has been starting Anthony Tolliver in that slot. The Kings can promise a prominent role and would have matching rights. Orlando: Another front office under fire! Does Vlade Divac have a crush on Nikola Vucevic? The Magic have expirings and maybe the Kings could be sold on rehabbing Mario Hezonja, given all their talk about culture lately. Yup, this team has too many problems too. And they have long term money invested in Bismack Biyombo. But if Biyombo is the center on a four year deal you’re panicking to dump, then, well, at least you aren’t this next team. Lakers: We’re hearing left and right that they didn’t want to put Brandon Ingram in the deal. I’m fine with that. Restraint! From the Lakers! Magic must be the voice of reason! Detroit: I’m careful with this one because it was only peddled by un-verified, spammy bot team rumor accounts from what I’ve seen. Would somebody more connected verify whether Andre Drummond and a first was on the table? I’m curious. Boston: The elephant in the room. Above all else, I think they want their star to be on the wing. Dallas, Houston: Honorable Mention, ‘We have draft picks to throw your way and a healthy organization but not the recent lottery pick’. Phoenix: A sneaky surprise to have not made a push. Perhaps Robert Sarver sees the light now. They have multiple young recent lottery selections to build a package around if Sacramento would have stomached Brandon Knights deal, which actually could make some sense for them moving forward. Portland: Honorable Mention, ‘More by the day are throwing Dame or CJ into the trade machine because our summer spending spree has darkened our outlook but we clearly aren’t going to blink’. Indiana: Honorable Mention, Late Addition, ‘Because we are apparently in pursuit of Brook Lopez now and are desperate to beat down all the Paul George chatter’. The Kings look to be a mess for a long, long time. Rudy Gay has even more reason to opt out this summer if he needed it at all. Darren Collison is probably their best healthy player at the moment. Sacramento can aim to tank the rest of the way, needing their pick to fall within the top 10 so it doesn’t go to Chicago. And even if they keep it, the Sixers hold swap rights. Philadelphia gets their 2019 1st, too, via the infamous Nik Stauskas trade. The Kings must tank successfully and absolutely nail both that pick and the 1st they have from New Orleans. Looking at the current roster, you’d hope we can see Willie Cauley-Stein’s profile rise closer to ‘5 that can protect the basket and move his feet in space’ image of him that we fell in love with. Skal Labissiere and Malachi Richardson getting more run would be useful, too. The Pelicans know what needs to be done from here. The attempts to incite panic may have been premature to this point over making the playoffs. They had AD locked into an extension. But Boogie is at or approaching his peak right now. Two superstar big men joining forces won’t get much sympathy, regardless of the supporting pieces around them. Cousins is faced with an opportunity for some image rehab. Hopefully he and Davis can lighten the night-to-night burden for one another, too. One trade that seemingly came together rather suddenly gave us two polar opposites. Go ahead and pick up that League Pass subscription you’ve been wanting to see the beginning of this AD/Boogie partnership. From a safe distance, you can also observe a franchise in Sacramento already rebuilding in a brand new arena. We haven’t even hit the trade deadline yet, folks. I’ve feared for a long time that the trade market had reached complete gridlock. We already got a blockbuster and plenty of time for more. Which of the other big names is most likely to be moved, if any at all?