#we know Julian tends to blame himself a lot

[phoneybeatlemania-bit-the-dust]

It annoys me when people complain about Julian and call him “whiny “. The person that John hurt the most throughout his whole life is his own son! I feel like this gets glossed over because he was more attentive to Sean “At least he was a good father to one of his children”. John failed Julian massively. Having Sean should’ve motivated him to try harder with Julian but I feel like it demotivated him because he realised how much of Julian’s life he missed and that made him feel bad about himself. Even in May’s book she says that John would’ve avoided Julian for the rest of his life to avoid feeling bad about himself & the choices he made with his life. And even when he got his visa he was happy to fly to other countries but not the country containing his son! I mean c’mon that’s very shitty and inexcusable. People can’t relate to John’s callous treatment of Julian so it’s downplayed and undermined by the excuse of “Oh well, John was better with Sean”. I know John appeared more motivated towards the end but doesn’t absolve him of the damage and pain he already caused to his son.

I try to understand John’s neglect of Julian from his perspective - I don’t want to excuse or justify it, but I still want to know what was going through his head to make him treat Julian the way he did - but I just can’t really understand it in the same way I feel like I can empathise with a lot of John’s other flaws. Like I feel like I can understand Johns mistreatment of certain people, or his mood swings, or his anger etc. But when it comes to Julian I struggle to understand him, and I just think its such a shame that Julian never got the closure he deserved with John. But I guess a few things to keep in mind when discussing this are:

1. Alfs abandonment

That Johns father, Alfred, abandoned him at such a young age, this might have affected John in such a way that made connecting with children a real challenge. Of course, he ideally still would’ve made an effort to connect with Julian more - but I guess that this was 1963, and he was someone who at this point had had absolutely no therapy. John’s own father I think was placed in an orphanage around the age of 5, so this neglect and abandonment appeared to be a bit of a cycle within the Lennon family-tree. Alf didn’t develop the neurones to be able to connect with his son the way a father ideally should be able to, and therefore John had trouble forming these connections too.

A real tragic story regarding this disconnect is one that ive heard Paul tell a few times (see this interview at 6:24 to hear him tell it). He essentially compares his ability to just naturally connect with children, to John’s inability to do the same; Paul grew up in a household where children and babies alike were around all the time - and in addition to this, there seemed to have been a lot more affection involved in his early environment compared to Johns. So when Paul was able to pal around at ease with Julian, John asked “How do you do that?” - and its unfortunately just not something you can just learn. I think John did want to be able to relate to Julian, and a part of him wanted to be a real dad - but I guess he just lacked the initiative to do so, as well as not having the needed facilities provided for him to be able to function as “good” parent (< or in other words, that man needed alottttttttt of therapy omg—)

2. Aunt Mimi’s coldness

I think by now its sort of been established that im not Mimi’s no. 1 fan - I don’t hate her, and I think she genuinely loved John, but ive been pretty critical of what I perceive her parenting style to be like. One aspect of this parenting style is that I think she was cold and deprecating towards John, which I presume took a toll on his relationships in such a way that made him susceptible to cynicism and even bitter contempt towards those he loved most.

“She never hit him: her worst punishment was to ignore him…When she did, he’d plead, ‘Don’t ‘nore me, Mimi!’” - I think that this type of parenting style could have effected the way John relates to Julian, perhaps making him feel it was okay to abandon him, maybe as a result of some unrecognised childhood angst or revenge.

Theres also a story where I think John said something to Julian a long the lines of, “I hate your laugh!”. Like, Jules was just some four year old living his life and then John, his own father, had this massive fucking mood swing. I feel bad for Julian cause my parents were like this (had random fucking mood swings and said some pretty contemptuous things) so I can empathise with him. At the same time though, I feel like I can understand John getting these mood swings (although, I don’t think that showing that kind of contempt towards a child is at all acceptable, and assuming that this sort of thing was a regular occurrence, I would say he was emotionally abusive towards Julian. Maybe John got these mood swings from Mimi (check this post for more on that).

3. Yoko’s influence and isolation

I think we first have to take into account here that John had a history of neglecting and failing Julian, and from what im aware of, he only started making contact with him again during his ‘Lost Weekend’ after being encouraged to do so by May Pang. So I don’t think we can make Yoko take all the blame for Johns neglect of Julian (and certainly not his emotional abuse towards Julian). But I think we have to also account for the fact that Julian has stated Yoko would refuse to put him through when he would ring his dad. And I just don’t know how much John had to do with that - as in, I don’t if John knew Yoko was isolating him to the extent that she did, or if he was unaware that she was rejecting several important and significant figures in his life.

For what its worth, Julia Baird wrote in her memoir of John urging (or really, begging) her to go to Cynthias house and ask Julian to phone him, because he hadn’t been able to get through to Julian, and he was trying to construct a better relationship with him around this time (this was before Sean was born, like you said, he seemed to lose motivation with Julian after Sean was born). I don’t know why Julian wasn’t taking his calls around this time - John seemed to think it had something to do with Cynthia, perhaps it was an autonomous decision made by Julian, perhaps it was entirely just a misunderstanding; I don’t know.

When it comes to Yoko, im conflicted - to some extent, I think John was being manipulated by her, and she was clearly isolating (even abusing) him - but also, he’s a grown man, and so he had to take the initiative for his own life. So I don’t know, but id say she is still partly responsible for spoiling Johns relationship with Julian.

~ ~ ~

At the end of the day, all I can really say is that John was just a classic case of parents needing therapy before they start, y’know, parenting - but it was 1963, and thats just not something most people underwent back then, especially people with more complex and unrecognised traumas, as well as mental illnesses that, whilst prevalent, may not have been so apparent. To clarify that point, I think John could function well-enough in his day to day life to be able to get by, because I don’t think his traits of mental illness tended to disrupt his life to such a degree that he could not function (at least not in 1963, though in later years, id argue more so they did; but even still, I don’t think John tended to struggle with mania or psychosis etc.) But I think he was still dealing with mental illness in a way that wrecked almost all meaningful relationships for him, as well as made feeling love and functioning as an emotionally stable and consistent person, a real hardship and challenge for him. And this inability to feel loved and cared for etc. made being a parent, quite simply, impractical. He needed therapy, and its a shame he died before ever receiving real therapy because it would’ve been interesting to see how John might have come to terms with really acknowledging his failures as a parent, and because Julian might have gotten some real closure with his dad.

All in all, I think Phillip Larkin said it best

[lumosinlove]

Sweater Weather

part xxi

[see tags for tw]

Regulus liked the cubs. Finn was a little out there maybe, but Logan, off of the ice at least, was steady and put together.

Leo had snorted when he’d told him what he thought. “Interesting take.”

They didn’t seem to mind having him around, although there wasn’t much time lately when Regulus didn’t feel like an intruder on something. Living in his brother’s house when he probably wanted to be alone with Remus. Leo inviting him over to nights that would probably feel and go differently if he wasn’t there.

But he didn’t feel unwelcome. Just out of place. Which was surprising, given the fact that he was a Snake. Had been. He still felt like he was one, anyway. A Snake. An intruder. Out of place.

And now the Lupins were here to stay and Regulus was self-aware enough to realize that he was seeing for the first time what was probably the most loving family in the entire world.

“Julian, sweetheart, you have to let Sirius rest. He’s got some big days coming up, as you well know.”

Julian looked up at his mother.

Regulus wasn’t sure if Julian liked him all that much yet. Although, he didn’t really blame the kid. When you were little, the rivalries seemed like a full-blown military crises. That was how the Lions had seemed to him, at least. A real beast, with sharp teeth. He imagined that, for Julian, he had venom and a tail that rattled.

“But—” Julian looked up at Sirius, who was playing goalie in one of the make-shift nets that he had set up in the living room.

“It’s okay, Hope,” Sirius said. “We’ll go another half hour.”

“You’ll go until dinner, which is in ten minutes,” Hope said.

“Well, it that case, bud, we should go help set the table, non?” Sirius stood straight from his goalie-crouch. “We can play more later.”

“Really?” Julian said, clutching his hockey stick.

“Mais, oui. Allez, let’s go help your dad and Re.”

It left Regulus alone with Hope in Sirius’ large living room. Hope was a mother. Regulus didn’t know how to put her smile and that role together yet. He watched her put her hands on her hips and look around. Even Regulus had to admit that the living room was mostly empty and bland. Sirius clearly didn’t know what to do with a house besides sleep and eat there.

“Well,” Hope said, and then smiled at Regulus. “Needs some brightening, huh?”

“Probably.”

Hope nodded. “Probably. Come on, let’s eat.”

Regulus followed her through to the dining room where Lyall was setting plates of salmon and rice down, along with a large salad. As Sirius sat down, Julian all but climbed over Remus to get the chair beside him. Remus’ eyes found Regulus’, maybe by accident, but he smiled, and Regulus did, too, a little. Regulus gestured to his own chair, on Sirius’ other side, and moved across the table instead. He sort of wanted to sit beside Hope, anyway. He wasn’t sure why.

“Here you go, sweetheart,” Hope said, passing him a glass of water and a bread roll.

“Thank you.”

Family dinners had not been like this. He found Sirius’ eyes, and the thought seemed to pass between them.

Really, the place was crawling with families. Not Sirius’ house, but Gryffindor. Hogwarts Arena. Regulus had watched Logan be practically tackled by someone who could only have been Leo’s mother, with her bright blond hair. Leo’s father, also blond, had walked right up to Pascal, shaking his hand. He had a sharpie in his back pocket and a wide smile. Finn also looked just like his mother. Haley O’Hara and her dark red hair, cropped in a pixie cut, shared her sons’ easy smiles, but her startling blue eyes were her own. Ramsey O’Hara was dark haired and brown eyed, and always video taping. Alex had been wearing a Heart-throb-O’Hara t-shirt. Marius and Iva Tremblay were quieter, but Iva looked just like her son, and kept pulling Logan into her arms, her eyes almost relieved when they looked at her son’s smile. The Tremblay sisters were anything but quiet.

Regulus, while surrounded, had tended to keep close to one wall. The quiet kindness of the Lupins was welcomed.

Regulus also kept to himself during dinner, listening to the conversation and taking seconds—and thirds—of the food.

“Hungry teenage hockey player,” Lyall laughed, raising his wine glass towards Regulus. “That’s something I remember, eh, Remus?”

Remus smiled and glanced at Sirius. “I don’t think the hungry part stops after teenage years, dad.”

Sirius glanced up, mouth full. “No, it doesn’t.”

Regulus smiled, watching as Julian seemed to be trying to time his own bites with Sirius’. He remembered being that obsessed only, back then, it was just a little brother thing, not a Captain Sirius Black thing.

“So,” Hope said, leaning on her elbows and lacing her fingers. “For the dinner tomorrow. Re, why don’t you and Sirius go get the food?”

“Please let me go with,” Julian said. “Please, please, mom.”

“You’re on house duty with me. Plus, Remus and Sirius will be going right from morning skate, so—”

“He can come to morning skate with us,” Sirius said.

Remus nodded. “Yeah, mom, it’s no problem.”

“You’ll both be working, who would—”

“I don’t need to be watched, mom,” Julian begged. “Please let me go.”

“Julian, it’s not a babysitter, it’s just that—”

“I can…” Regulus glanced around. “Not watch him, but…we can hang out.”

The table went a little quiet. Regulus felt a little dizzy, like someone was going to swing at him. He knew that wasn’t true.

“I’ll probably go to the rink and watch, anyways,” Regulus continued into the quiet, looking at Julian, then Hope. “I’m going out with Leo after, so.”

“Leo Knut?” Hope said and then smiled. “Oh, I’m so glad you two are friends.”

Everyone kept saying that.

“Well, Jules?” Hope said. “Alright?”

“Okay,” Julian said hesitantly, eyes on Regulus. Regulus flashed him a tight smile and then looked back down to his plate.

He volunteered for clean up duty, just so he didn’t have to make conversation. It wasn’t awkward, but he wasn’t used to these laughter filled living rooms. He wasn’t used to Sirius’ laugh. It threw him off guard.

“Regulus?”

Regulus looked up from the sink to see Remus behind him in the kitchen window’s reflection. He was all shades of night, until Regulus turned around and he was warm again. Remus looked almost nervous, leaning back against the refrigerator.

“What’s up?” Regulus said.

“I just,” Remus glanced down the hallway, then shrugged. “I know Julian’s…not exactly warmed up to you. Thank you for offering anyway.”

Regulus turned back around to the soapy water. “Don’t worry about that. I get it. I’d probably be the same.”

“It’s just that, it isn’t you. It’s—”

“Remus, I know what it’s like to be brought up in a hockey household. There’s a whole lot of loyalty. And sometimes loyalty doesn’t change easily,” Regulus glanced back once more. “Don’t worry. I understand. I’m a Snake right now. He’s a Lion. I’m someone who betrayed their brother, and he’s someone who loves his brother more than anything.”

He could feel Remus’ eyes on his back.

“I understand,” he said again, and turned the water back on.

“Well, thank you again. I think you guys will like each other a lot.”

Regulus nodded. “I hope so.”

~

It was the Lions’ last practice before they would get on a plane for game one against the Snakes. Regulus knew he would be taking a risk, traveling with the team there. But he wanted to show that he wasn’t afraid. Part of him even hoped that he ran into Snape, or Riddle, or Malfoy, or any of them. Just to show that he was better off. The other part of him didn’t want to care what they thought.

Regulus could picture the stadium and the entire, green crowd that hissed and cheered. With the drums of the music, a single spot-light would appeared on the ice, and with each successive beat, one of three very familiar words. The Snakes’ motto.

ALWAYS

PURE

HOCKEY

Toujours pur, Regulus could remember his father saying to them growing up, accompanied by the slap of pucks against the boards, and endless drills. Toujours pur, toujours pur—

Someone tapped his arm, and Regulus looked up to meet Leo’s gaze. He was lacing his skates.

“Ça va?” he said, which made Logan look up.

“Oui,” Logan said, then noticed Leo looking at Regulus, not him. “Oh. Ça va?”

“I hope you beat them,” Regulus said. “That’s all.”

“Well, yeah,” Logan laughed, wrapping tape around his socks tightly. “Me too.”

“Regulus,” Julian came up to them. He was in a Tremblay jersey today and Logan wrestled him into a gentle headlock, making him laugh before looking back up at Regulus. “Sirius is going out to warm up can we please go watch?”

Leo smiled. “Take him out.”

Regulus couldn’t help but smile a little, too. “All right. Allez.”

Sirius was doing shooting drills, rubbing absentmindedly at his healed ribs. It was nice to be around the sounds of the ice again. Sirius’ basement didn’t count.

Remus was on the bench, sitting on the boards with his feet dangling near the ice. Every once in a while, Sirius would swoop by for a kiss, or to say something that made Remus laugh. The other boys were filing out slowly. Finn and Logan were passing a puck back and forth while Leo dropped into the splits, stretching and talking to them. Evgeni and Jackson were ramming each other into the boards and laughing. The atmosphere would change once Coach came out, but Regulus now knew that it wasn’t like in Slytherin. There was never any silence. The laughter never went away, not even when they were working hard.

“Why did you leave?” Julian asked suddenly. He was standing nearly pressed against the glass, watching. They made eye contact in the slight reflection from the lights. He looked just like his older brother, something people always said to Regulus, too.

“I…” Regulus took a breath. “I wanted to leave.”

“Why?”

“I wanted better for myself,” Regulus said carefully. “I think we should always want the best for ourselves, non?”

“What if you can’t have the best? My brother wanted to play hockey.”

Regulus glanced over at Remus, laughing as Kasey squirted him with his water bottle, and thought of the right words.

“What’s best isn’t always attached to a thing or a person?” he tried. “Sometimes it’s a good attitude. What I meant was, I thought I was stuck. Then, my brother showed me I wasn’t.”

“So, Sirius is the best for you?”

“Sirius showed me that I could be the best for me. But, oui, Sirius is pretty great. So is your brother.”

“I know that,” Julian said, and rested his forehead against the glass again. He was quiet, and then, “You said bad things about Sirius. I saw it on youtube.”

Regulus chewed on his cheek. “Yeah.”

“But then you said good things.”

“Yeah.”

“Did you say sorry?”

Regulus swallowed. “Yeah.”

“That’s good.”

Sirius skated up fast and hard and stopped in front of the glass, knocking his helmet over where Julian had his forehead. Julian laughed and knocked gently back.

“Ça va?” Sirius asked, glancing at Regulus.

“Oui,” Julian replied and Regulus nodded.

“Hey Jules,” Sirius said, loudly to be heard over the noises of practice. “Tell Reg to make you un sandwich de la rondelle in the kitchen.”

He skated away with a grin at Regulus, who couldn’t help but smile back. The words brought back a memory that he hadn’t thought about in a long time. It left Julian looking half expectant and half skeptical.

“Allez,” Regulus sighed as he pushed himself up from his seat. “I’ll let you in on a Sirius Black tradition.”

“Okay,” Julian grinned.

The Lions kitchen was a strange sense of déjà-vu. It was the Snakes’, only awash in brighter colors.

“What’s a sandwich…sandwich ron…”

“Sandwich de la rondelle,” Regulus repeated, opening cupboards until he found bread and peanut butter, and swiping a banana from the counter.

“It’s a peanut butter and banana sandwich,” Julian said.

“Oui, sort of. But—Les bananes,” Regulus held up the fruit. “Sirius use to fry them in cinnamon and honey and then they would become darker because they’re caramelized. They would look like little hockey pucks, or la rondelle.”

“I want one,” Julian said. “Please.”

Regulus laughed. “I thought you might.”

~

Sirius watched from the bed as Remus pulled on a long sleeved white shirt. The cotton clung to his strong shoulders and he shook the sleeve out over his watch. Sirius could see his star necklace through the thin fabric. Remus pushed his sandy hair off of his forehead and looked up at the shelves again, patted his dark jeans, and then turned the closet light off. He stopped when he stepped out and raised an eyebrow.

“That’s not exactly what I call dressed for guests who are showing up in—” he looked at his watch. “ten minutes.”

Sirius stretched out against the bed. “You look good, Loup.”

“I’m wearing jeans and a shirt.”

“I said you look good, I don’t care what you’re wearing.”

Remus smiled and knelt on the mattress. “Then in that case, you look good, too.”

“I’m naked.”

“Then what’s that on your face?”

Sirius groaned. “It’s tradition.” He touched the dark beard on his cheeks and chin. He was keeping it short and neat, rather than letting it grow wild like some of the other guys, but he still felt a little self-conscious. “It isn’t that bad…”

Remus crawled forward until he was poised over Sirius’ body. “You know you look good.” He leaned down to brush a kiss over Sirius’ cheek, feeling the coarse stubble against his lips. “But this place is going to be filled with families in two seconds.”

“Hm,” Sirius leaned up to kiss Remus’ throat, and Remus felt the scratch there, too.

“Parents,” Remus warned.

Sirius kissed along Remus’ jaw.

“Dumo.”

Sirius sighed. “We should get dressed.”

Sirius, forced into a pair of tight jeans and a button down by Remus, opened the front door to see Pascal standing there with Katie on his shoulders.

“Bonsoir,” Pascal said. “I come bearing hungry children and the most beautiful woman in the world.”

Sirius laughed and Celeste slapped Pascal’s chest. “Well, there’s a Leo Knut cooking with a Hope Lupin so I think we’ll be able to help with that.”

“Is Logan here?” Adele said, pushing her way past her family.

“Yeah, living room. What, don’t care about me anymore?”

She rolled her eyes and gave him a hard hug before disappearing into the house.

Celeste gave Sirius a smile, looking after Adele. “We are still missing Logan being just downstairs. You were a hard loss, too, you know.”

“Tremzy,” Katie said and pointed forward.

Logan appeared with Adele under his arm and Pascal ducked down so Logan could take Katie into his arms.

“Salut, Katie,” Logan pressed kisses to her cheeks until she laughed.

Sirius watched them wander off towards the kitchen and then looked back at Celeste. “I think it goes both ways.”

“I am going to see if the chefs need any help,” Celeste said, and followed Logan and her daughters towards the kitchen.

Sirius watched them for a moment, and then turned back to Pascal. “Where are Louis and Marc?”

“Sleepover,” Pascal laughed and stepped inside, handing Sirius a bottle of wine. “I guess playoffs aren’t that cool anymore. Katie seems to like hockey the best.”

“She’d make a killer center.”

Pascal scoffed. “Killer, eh? Been hanging out with Remus.”

Sirius smiled. “Of course.”

“What about your younger one?”

Sirius closed the door and the warmth of the house picked up again. “With the younger Lupin down at the rink.”

“Oh? They are friends now?”

“I was surprised, too.”

Pascal patted Sirius’ back as they came through to the kitchen. “Kids are quick to forgive.”

“Blow on the spoon first,” Leo was saying to Katie. “So you don’t burn your tongue, and then tell me what you think.”

Logan laughed softly, kissing Katie’s cheek again. “Our entire dinner is riding on you, mon coeur.”

Sirius watched as Katie blew very carefully on the waiting bolognese sauce, and then let Leo feed her the spoon while she held onto Logan’s neck. His eyes found Finn next, who had a look on his face that Sirius knew well. Sirius looked at Remus, holding a glass of wine and talking to Eloise Knut and Hope.

Sirius could get used to this.

“Where are your parents, Dumo?” Sirius asked.

“I’ll fly them out when we win,” Pascal smiled, knocked on Sirius’ head, and then put a hand on his shoulder. “You know… Sometimes I want to shove you back in my basement and never let you out. But then I remember you’re not the same boy you were.”

One corner of Sirius’ mouth lifted. “That would be threatening, coming from someone else.”

“Yes, but you know what I mean.”

“Ouais,” Sirius said, and put his hand over Pascals. “I know.”

“This has been a hard season. Your team is going to work hard for you.”

“Pascal,” Sirius said softly.

“Dumasha,” Sergei’s gruff voice called, and he appeared beside them, clapping Pascal on the back. “Come play bubble hockey with me. I’m beating all the kids. Omg.”

“No, he’s not,” Thomas yelled.

“I’ll win,” Pascal warned.

“We’ll see, you lumberjack,” Sergei patted Pascal’s thick beard before retreating back towards the living room.

Pascal tussled Sirius’ hair once before following, and Sirius watched him go. His memories of living with the Dumais’ felt at once distant and like yesterday. The earliest ones were covered with ice. He had been terrified of his own family and his new one. The later ones went from ice to slowly melting frost to new, spring soil. Pascal had done that. And Celeste and the kids. And Arthur, and the team.

Remus.

Sirius walked over to where he was standing with the two women.

“Well, if it isn’t Sirius Black,” Eloise smiled and kissed him on the cheek. “Hi, honey.”

Sirius, a little surprised, laughed. “Hi, Mrs. Knut. Hope.”

“Hello, sweetheart,” Hope said. “Nice party we have here.”

“Thanks to you and Remus.”

“Oh,” Hope laughed and rubbed Sirius’ shoulder. “You have a beautiful house, it should be filled with your loved ones. A truly beautiful house…”

“Mom,” Remus laughed. “You can stop telling Sirius his house is beautiful.”

“Then I’ll tell him he’s beautiful. And probably so will your father. Sirius, my husband loves you.”

“Tell me about it,” Eloise said. “Wyatt’s walking around with a sharpie, so if you see him be ready.”

Sirius huffed out a laugh. “I’m ready.”

“He loves you. Not as much as Jules, of course,” Hope said.

Remus gestured to himself. “Um.”

“Of course, not as much as Remus,” Hope and Eloise smiled at each other. “I’ll leave you two. I’m going to find that Potter baby.”

Eloise hummed. “I’m gonna go convince Leo’s boys to move home with him for the summer.”

Remus smiled. “I don’t think you’ll have too hard a time.”

“Oh, I know I won’t.”

Sirius pulled Remus against his side, leaning back against the wall to look out at the scene that the kitchen was. Remus settled against him.

“You know,” Remus began, and then cut off.

“Quoi?” Sirius asked. He looked down at Remus’ thoughtful smile.

“Whether or not things…happen…”

Sirius laughed, knowing that this was Remus’ way of getting around setting him off in a round of superstition.

Remus looked up at him. “We’re doing pretty great.”

“I was just thinking that.”

“Good.”

Remus tilted his chin up, obviously wanting a kiss, and Sirius complied.

“I can’t believe we’re getting on a plane tomorrow,” Sirius sighed.

“Is Regulus still coming?”

Sirius nodded grudgingly. “No matter how many times I tell him it might be a bad idea. Even Minnie says—”

“He lost his rookie season,” Remus said. “I think he needs to be a part of this.”

“He’ll get—harassed by reporters.”

“So will you, and you’re still going.”

Sirius smiled and pulled Remus in closer, wine glass pressed carefully against the small of his back as he looped his arms around him. “That’s different.”

Remus wrinkled his nose. “Is it?”

“I’m the Captain. I’m just worried.”

“A true Captain’s job,” Logan said as he passed them, Timmy and Olli in tow.

“I am,” Sirius said after them, and when he looked back down it was to be kissed by Remus.

“Dinner!” Leo shouted, Hope beside him putting a stack of plates out. “Y’all come get it.”

“I’m gonna die,” Finn sighed, stopping beside them. “The accent is so here right now and I’m just—I’m gonna die.”

“Harzy, are you talking to us?” Remus asked.

Alex looked up from where he was standing with Kasey and Natalie. “Just ignore him, he’s a fucking puppy.”

“I’m pep-talking myself,” Finn took a long sip of his drink. “For life.”

Alex patted his back. “Okay, Fish, get it together.”

“Stop yelling at me.”

“I’m not yelling at you.”

“You’re yelling. I’m telling mom.”

Alex scoffed as they walked towards the food. “You can’t tell mom.”

Sirius snorted and pulled Remus away towards the plates to serve themselves.

~

Game one was rough and fast and disappointing. When Sirius had first skated out, the hisses had been deafening. Remus had watched from the bench with his nails digging into his palms. The Snakes had won 3-0. Close, but not enough. Kasey had made forty saves. Elias Cook had taken a puck to the knee and Remus knew even before evaluating him that he might be out for the run. Snape had been vicious. But so had Sirius. The locker room had been crowded, the families wonderful but adding pressure, and Remus was more than happy to watch Sirius collapse on their hotel bed. He was still in his game suit, but it was rumpled. The steely color had faded as the adrenaline did, and he looked tired.

“Fuck,” Sirius sighed, and raised his chin to look at Remus. “Why are you standing over there? C’mere.”

Remus laughed and chucked his bag down before falling beside Sirius onto the bed.

“Hell of a game,” Remus said. “It’s just one game.”

“Yeah,” Sirius replied, and then was quiet. “Riddle’s a good goalie.”

“So is Kasey.”

“No, I know, I just… we really couldn’t get a single shot in. I’m just happy we weren’t at home. God, Kasey’s probably just…kicking himself right now.”

“Nat’s here. And his family. She’ll talk some sense into him.” Remus said. After a moment, he groaned and sat up again. “Speaking of home, we should pack for the flight back tomorrow.”

Sirius groaned. “Come back.”

Remus laughed. “We have to be out the door at six tomorrow, and I know you won’t want to get up early to do it then. Just put your suit away, that’s all you brought anyway.”

“I just played an entire hockey game.”

Remus suppressed a smile as he took one of Sirius’ ankles and pulled off his shoe. “The world doesn’t know you’re like this.”

“Non.”

“I could tell them, you know.”

Sirius laughed. “That you undress me?”

Remus smiled. When both shoes had clunked to the floor, he straddled Sirius’ hips, hands going to his belt. “You’re right, maybe not.”

Sirius smiled and let his head fall back with a groan. “Fuck.” Remus let Sirius pull him down against his chest. “You’re so hot, but I’m so tired.”

“Oh, no way we were not about to have sex. You are waking up at six in the morning and you’re playing the game of your life the next night.”

Sirius let out a content sigh. “Hm.”

Remus pressed a kiss to his neck and then reached for the buttons of his shirt.

“I think we have to go to the net harder,” Sirius said thoughtfully as Remus pulled him into a sitting position.

“I think we need to get a handle on our power play,” Remus said, pushing Sirius’ shirt over his broad shoulders. He kissed those, too. “I think Coach should put Finn back on it. He’s ruthless when he wants to be.”

Sirius hummed. “Yeah. Him and James do well together, too. Will you murder me if I watch some tape?”

“You’re going to sleep.”

“I just want to see that second period play. You know—”

“Tremz was off-side and, no, Carrow didn’t push him,” Remus smiled when Sirius made a face. “Believe me, it happened right in front of me.”

“We were going to score.”

“I know,” Remus bent to kiss the scar on Sirius’ cheek, then the one on his lip. “But that’s hockey.”

Sirius kicked his pants off once Remus stood to go to his own suitcase. “I wish we had come out of the gate strong, that’s all.”

Remus snorted, tugging off his shirt. “Nice media lingo, there.”

Sirius rolled onto his stomach with a groan, then pushed himself into a standing position. A moment later, Remus felt his chest against his bare back, their skin warm against each other.

Sirius’ hands stroked over Remus’ sides, dipping into the muscle that cut along his hips. “You haven’t even asked me how my ribs are,” Sirius said against Remus’ temple. Remus could hear the smile in his voice. “You always ask.”

“I know you’re better,” Remus leaned against him, tilting his head to the side when Sirius began to kiss his neck gently. He put his hands over Sirius’. “I know we didn’t win, but you were amazing tonight.” He turned in Sirius’ arms and wound his fingers in his dark hair. "You see everything out there, huh?”

“I try,” Sirius said softly.

“You do,” Remus kissed him, then again and again. “Don’t get in your head, baby. You’re good.”

Sirius let out a breath, lips against Remus’ cheek. “I’m glad you’re here.”

Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius’ waist and held him there.

“Just tape for, like, ten—“

Remus pressed in closer. “Nope.”

Sirius’ laugh rumbled against his cheek. “Come to bed with me, then.”

~

It was better to be back in Gryffindor. Remus didn’t want to admit how much of a weight it was off of his chest to be away. To have the team away, and Regulus. It had been fine. Regulus hadn’t been bothered. Not yet, at least. They would be on a plane back to Slytherin tomorrow, win or lose.

“Shitter-McFucks,” Thomas said loudly. “We gotta win this game.”

“Where do you come up with these things?” Sergei sighed.

“I don’t know,” Thomas said, and he looked thoughtful. “They come to me. Makes sense though, right?”

Sergei made a barely affirmative sound and returned to taping his stick.

“T,” Remus said, smiling a little at the conversation. He held out Thomas’ shoulder pads. “Fixed it.”

Thomas took it and clutched it to his chest. “Sick, thanks, Loops. I love you.”

Remus smiled and turned to the room. “Does anyone need anything?”

There were a few murmurs of no, and Remus let out a breath. “Okay.”

Remus glanced at his watch. Twenty minutes until they had to be out for warm ups. Sometimes it was strange, thinking about the Snakes in this very building, doing the same thing they were. Taping sticks, getting dressed, stretching. Remus’ eyes found Regulus, who was sitting in Sirius’ stall while Sirius stretched out on the floor. They were talking intently, no doubt about the game. Regulus seemed to be drawing plays out on his palm, Sirius nodding along, then pointing, as if to correct something. Remus smiled at the sight, then walked over and crouched by Sirius’ shoulder.

Sirius looked up, hands around his ankles stretched in front of him. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Remus replied, and glanced at the door.

Sirius blinked. “Oh.”

“And I’m out,” Regulus sighed and stood.

Sirius stood, too, adjusting his snapback and catching Remus’ fingers. “Yes, yes, now?”

“I thought you could use a pick-me-up.”

Sirius cursed under his breath, grinning. “Re…”

He already looked flushed with it—with just the thought—and Remus wanted him. Badly.

Sirius was on his heels until they got to the PT room, looking carefully out into the hallway before shutting the door and turning the lock. He was still smiling when he turned, gently taking hold of Remus’ hips and backing him against the exam table.

“I love you,” he said into his first kiss, and then, into the second, “how do you want me?”

Remus hooked his fingers into the band of Sirius’ spandex and turned them so that his back was against the table, cushioned by the padding. Sirius leaned down to kiss along Remus’ neck.

Remus reached down to cup Sirius’ cock through the thin material of his spandex. “Just like this.”

“Jesus,” Sirius breathed. “Fuck, we—how much time?”

“We have time.”

Remus knelt on one knee, then the other. He pulled the spandex away to reveal Sirius’ cock, half hard but twitching as it filled. Remus’ heart beat faster, his own cock beginning to press out against his thigh.

Sirius’ hand was gentle against the back of Remus’ head as he took him into his mouth, sucking on the damp head.

Sirius half laughed, half moaned, brows drawn together a little as Remus took him down further. He was fattening up to full now, slick and heavy in Remus’ mouth.

“Ah—” Remus looked up to see Sirius’ head fall back. The tension fell out of his shoulders. His back arched a little, defined abs flexing through the thin material of his black undershirt. “Yeah—”

Remus sucked harder, keeping a hand wrapped around the base of his cock, stroking softly in the way he knew Sirius liked. Sirius was already spilling thinly over his tongue, bitter and warm. Remus pulled off to the head again, pressing his tongue to the slit hard and making Sirius jolt.

“God, Remus—” Sirius choked the words out, cock slicking itself more as Remus reached down to cup his balls and stroke behind them. Sirius widened his stance, welcoming the touch. “Ouais—yes.”

Remus stilled and pressed his hands behind Sirius’ hips, coaxing them forward gently. Sirius blinked down at him blearily. “You—you want me…”

Remus pushed Sirius’ hips forward more insistently and looked up. Sirius’ fingers tightened in Remus’ hair.

“Merde,” his hips fucked forward, almost on their own. “Re.”

And Sirius complied, fucking himself into Remus’ hot mouth in slow strokes. Remus was hot and aching in his own pants, and he reached down to push them under his balls. He moaned at the first touch, and Sirius picked up his pace. Remus’ breathed in through his nose, smelling Sirius’ slight sweat, and fucked his fist in time to Sirius’ hips. He was heavy on his tongue. Sirius’ breathing was heavy, eyes dark and hair curling out form under his hat. He was gorgeous, and strong, and Remus didn’t care if they won a silver cup when he had those silver eyes.

Sirius’ mouth was open, eyes tight with pleasure as he watched his cock sink in and out of Remus’ mouth, watched Remus’ hips move at the same time. Remus moaned as he pressed his palm against his own head, fingers tight around his shaft.

“Mon—I’m gonna—”

Remus felt flushed and turned on by Sirius standing there, half dressed before a game with his swollen cock looking like that. It was only a few more strokes before Remus felt Sirius begin to come in his mouth. Sirius’ hips stilled, abs flexing in, and Remus bobbed his head, sucking him through it.

“Yes, yes,” Sirius whispered, head dropped back again. He stopped breathing and grit his teeth. He pushed his cock into Remus’ mouth once, twice. “Ah.”

Remus pulled off when Sirius made a soft, sensitive sound. Sirius took one look at him, chest heaving, and dropped to his knees, too.

“Baby,” Remus’ voice shook, fist quick on his own cock. He needed to come so bad.

Sirius just pushed at his shoulders, laying him back until he was against the carpet and Sirius had him fully in his mouth. He worked Remus with his mouth quickly, groaning around him, and Remus’ hips arched off the ground towards the heat. He came hard, forcing his eyes to stay open so he could watch Sirius.

They lay there for a moment, Sirius panting with his cheek against Remus’ hip, before he pushed himself up and positively beamed at Remus.

“Nice and clean,” he said, and surged up and kissed Remus. “I fucking love you.”

Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius’ neck and licked into his mouth. “I love you, I love you. You’re going to play so well.”

Sirius smiled into their next kiss, biting at Remus’ lower lip. “I am now.”

Sirius pulled back with a questioning noise when Remus started laughing into their next kiss.

“I’m sorry,” Remus laughed through the words, stroking his hands over Sirius’ cheeks. “It’s like an entire new experience kissing you with this thing.”

Sirius grinned and rubbed their cheeks together. “You like it a little bit, I know you do.”

Remus smiled into the kiss, but didn’t answer, instead carefully tucking Sirius back into his spandex and patting his butt. “See you out there, Captain.”

It was Sirius’ first home game back and playing. Instead of the normal pump up songs, the Lions’ had a special pre-game video on the jumbotron. When the lights went down, it played the first notes of Back in Black. At first the song’s notes were spaced out, remixed. It was hard to tell what the song was, echoing through the stadium. As soon as the crowd figured it out though, they went wild, and then an image of the back of Sirius’ jersey, slow-motioned, played of him walking down the darkened tunnel to the ice, his last name shining in glossy letters.

Dum.

Fast clips of Sirius’ tricky, skating feet.

Dum-da-dum.

A goal from the season, beautiful and impossible—until Sirius did it. Remus’ heart pounded.

Dum-a-dum.

The crowd recognized the song. Hogwarts roared.

Dum-a-dum-dum.

Remus laughed on the bench, popping a piece of gum in his mouth.

“Marlene’s a genius,” he shouted over the noise to Moody.

“She is,” he laughed gruffly.

The video continued with the rest of the team, highlights from the season and snippets of interviews. Finn and Logan crashing together after a goal. Leo’s bright blue eyes, focused from behind his mask. We’re ready, his accented voice said. We feel ready. James and Sirius’ famous one-two plays. Evgeni, mountainous and bear-like. Pascal and Logan. The French Canadian father and son, came Frank’s voice, and then the clip cut, bleeding together into a whole. Pascal and Sergei, helmets pressed together. Thomas, proud and tall, flipping a puck right between a goalies legs. Walkie-Talkie, walking the walk!

A waving rainbow flag being waved by numerous fans.

Remus felt tears building in the back of his throat. He wished he could see Sirius right then.

Frank’s voice over the speakers. Lions fans. Welcome to the Stanley Cup Finals.

He drew out the next words in the way he always did. Your Gryffin-dor Li-ons!

The Snakes skated out for warm-ups when the Lions did, insignificant and dark in their black away uniforms. When the lights came up, the Lions were out, Kasey raking up his crease and the others doing a lap on their side of the rink. Remus saw Snape’s eyes flick over from behind his visor, but that was all.

Arthur was bent over his calling card with some of the assistant coaches, motioning to various players.

“How does it feel?” Remus asked Kasey when he skated over to the bench for some water while Leo warmed up in goal, too.

“It feels good,” Kasey said. “It—”

James skated up fast and stopped hard. “Blue.”

Remus raised an eyebrow at him. “James, you ask me this ever game, I really don’t know how…” Remus trailed off and crossed his arms. “This is a superstitious thing. Isn’t it.”

James, looking only a little guilty, smiled. “Blue?”

Remus handed it to him. “You are all insane.”

“Bliz,” Leo said, opening the bench door. “You’re back in.”

Kasey tapped his butt with his blocker and skated back out.

“Is he okay?”

Remus looked back at James. He had his contacts in, adjusting one with a knuckle. “What?” Remus asked. “Who?”

James looked over to center ice where Sirius was tracing the Lions’ logo with a puck. Remus could see fans filming him—or maybe it was Kuny, down on the ice with his legs in the air, stretching.

“You know how Cap gets,” James said. “How much did he beat himself up over the last few nights?”

Remus sighed. “Oh, he tried to watch tape.”

James snorted. “Of course.”

“Didn’t let him, though. I all but wrestled him into bed—no.”

James’ face was already lit up.

“Not like that, Pots.”

James laughed loudly, reaching with his stick for a puck to take back out with him. “Sure, Loops, sure.”

Logan and Finn were standing near middle ice together, waiting for the wrap-around shoot. Logan was laughing at something Finn was saying. He took his helmet off and put it back on again, like he did with his hat.

“Cute, huh?” Leo said, and when Remus looked over at him, he grinned.

Remus laughed. “Proud of yourself?”

“Very.”

Remus found Sirius again. He was at the far side of the rink, pushing a stick over the glass for a little kid.

“Yeah. Yeah, me too.”

The horn went to signal the end of warm ups, and the team skated back towards the bench so that the ice crew could get rid of the shaved up ice.

Sirius jumped the boards in front of Remus, and Remus could already see the game taking over his expression. He was chewing the inside of his cheek, tapping various teammates and talking fast directions to them. Go hard here, ease off this, cover Malfoy on the power play…

When the lights went down for the national anthem, it felt sudden. Remus’ heart jumped in his chest. Sirius glanced at Remus as he pulled his twelve necklace out from within his jersey, smiling before bowing his head and holding the pendant to his lips. Finn had his hand on Logan’s shoulder, Logan was holding his necklace, Leo was behind both of them, close and shuffling from skate to skate.

Remus looked over to the Snake’s bench. They were still. Their eyes were ahead. He thought about Regulus, up in the Lions box with the other families, looking down at the red and green. He wondered, not for this first time, if Sirius’ parents were here. He hadn’t asked. He didn’t want Sirius looking for them, even subconsciously.

Things didn’t get interesting until halfway through the second period. The Snakes were mirroring Sirius’ line, calling Snape’s out whenever Sirius jumped the boards. Malfoy was on him like a magnet, hammering him into the boards and getting penalties called on himself for slashing.

“What kind of fucking strategy is this?” Finn said before climbing back out onto the ice for their fourth power play of the period. Sirius was circling with one of the refs, talking with his hands, his mouthguard in one of his palms.

“Alright, boys!” James yelled. “Alright, alright, here we go!”

Not single goal had yet to be scored and the crowd was anxious for one, shouting at every moment a Lion was close to Riddle’s net.

Sirius, seemingly giving up on the referee, set up across center ice from Snape. He spat something that made Severus sneer and Remus—Remus couldn’t deny that it sent a new wave of heat through him. Sirius was all hockey now, and his eyes were on the Cup. The Stanley Cup wasn’t in the building yet, it was too soon, but it would be. Remus’ throat got tight when he thought about it. He’d never been this close. He never thought he’d ever be this close.

The puck dropped. Sirius scooped it back to Finn and darted into the Snakes’ zone, wrestling against Malfoy still. He shouted for James but Snape intercepted the pass, sudden and sloppy in his strokes, and carried it back to the center zone. Malfoy, though, was too busy with Sirius. The puck went careening towards the boards, momentarily alone, before Finn was there, catching it and carrying it towards Riddle. He faked once, weight on his toes, twice, and then shot it above Riddle’s left shoulder. The goal horn blared in red lights. His hands went up and so did Sirius’. Logan shouted from beside Remus on the bench.

“Fuck, Harzy,” he said, and Leo and him shared a smile.

Remus clapped with Hogwarts, glancing up at the jumbotron to see the score change from 0-0 to 1-0. Finn jumped the boards and Logan pressed their helmets together in the split moment that they met while leaving and getting onto the ice. Finn was sweaty and grinning.

“That’s what we’re doing,” Thomas shouted. “That’s what we’re doing.”

Sirius stayed out and Remus smiled. He wanted a goal, Remus could tell. He and James circled each other as they talked, heads close together so the others couldn’t hear or read their lips.

Remus patted Finn’s shoulder. “Good getting us going, Harz.”

“I’m good at getting boys going, Loops.”

Remus snorted and Leo shoved him.

Riddle was making a slow lap around the crease, eyes on Finn on their bench, then moving over, all the way across the ice, to Kasey, re-setting, too.

Remus looked between them, and when he returned to Riddle, he saw that he was spitting words at Snape and pointing to Kasey.

The lights changed, calling a TV break.

“Mon loup, c’est bon?” Sirius said. He put a foot up on the boards, stretching.

Remus hesitated, then nodded. “I—yeah. Your ankle? Is it stiff?”

“Non, just stretching,” Sirius smiled. “Worrier.”

“Hey,” Remus tried to smile back, but he was watching Kasey approach the bench. “Hey, Kase—”

“I saw it, too, Loops,” Kasey said, squirting some water into his mouth and glancing over at Riddle. “Believe me. That guy’s eyes practically glow like the ones on his mask.”

“Just watch out for any bad plays,” Coach said. “That goes for everyone.”

“I mean,” Kasey shrugged. “If he tries to get a goal by ramming into me, it’ll be no goal.”

“I’m not worried about the goal, Bliz,” Coach said. “I’m worried about you.”

One corner of Kasey’s mouth lifted in a smile. “Well, shucks, Coach.”

“Alright,” Coach nodded. “Let’s be careful and play hard.”

There was a chorus of yes, coach, and Pascal’s line went out for the face-off.

“What exactly did you see Snape and Riddle do?” Sirius asked, back in the locker room. He was smiling and wearing the Lions hat token that Logan had given to him after Sirius scored two goals in the third. They had won game two 4-2. The series was tied for now.

“Nothing really,” Remus was bent beside him by James, taping up a sore calf. “It was a look but…”

“But that’s all it really takes with Riddle,” James said. “Thanks Loops, that feels better.”

“Go easy on it, no running on the plane.”

“I don’t do that!”

“Yes, you really do.”

“Well, I am a responsible father now.”

“I didn’t see them try anything,” Sirius said, glancing over at Kasey. “But I’m not sure that makes me feel better.”

Remus sighed, running a hand over Sirius’ knee and using it to push himself up. “Me neither. But, hey.”

Sirius looked up at him, and Remus tilted the brim of the hat back so he could lean down for a quick kiss. “We won.”

“Lupin love,” Thomas shouted.

Remus laughed. “Do you need something, Walker?”

“Sirius!”

Remus didn’t have time to look behind him before Julian was barreling into his back, arms around his waist and gazing at Sirius.

“Those goals were so good.”

Sirius smiled. “Thanks, Jules. Wanna wear the hat?”

“Really?”

James leaned in. “Be warned of the countless sweaty heads that has adorned. We can’t wash it.”

“I wanna wear it!”

Sirius placed the hat on Julian’s head while the other families filed in. Remus saw Alex give his brother a tight hug, Leo’s dad going up to clap Logan on the back. Kris’ daughter went running to him, and he scooped her up with kisses. Julian had become fast friends with Regulus and was running to show him his hat where he was standing with Leo.

Sirius rose, locking his hands around Remus’ lower back. “Want to come cool down with me?”

Remus smiled, palms on his chest. “Oh, we’ll cool down, will we?”

“Yeah,” Sirius pressed a kiss to Remus’ cheek, beard dragging against his skin. “You know. Relax all of our tense muscles.”

Remus wound his fingers in Sirius’ sweaty hair. “I love you. Go shower.”

Sirius pressed a last, soft kiss to Remus’ mouth. “Don’t leave without me.”

“Never.”

Sirius’ house was warm and quiet when Hope unlocked the door.

Hope turned to Sirius once they were inside. “I made some spaghetti for you, Sirius, I thought you might be hungry.”

Sirius laughed. “Hope, tu es un ange.”

“He said you’re an angel,” Remus smiled. “And he’s right.”

“Remus makes the best post-game sandwiches,” Sirius pulled him close. “I guess I have you to thank for that.”

“Oh, no, that’d be Lyall,” Hope smiled, pulling a covered dish out of the refrigerator and turning to the microwave. “Lyall and Remus always made sandwiches together after his games.”

“And me,” Julian said, sliding into a chair at the kitchen table. “Right dad?”

“Every game,” Lyall smiled. “Best part of my day, bud.”

“Can I go skate, mom?”

“Julian Lupin, you are going right to bed. Do you know what time it is? I’ll let you miss school for this, and your bedtime, but there is a line, darling.”

“But we’re having spaghetti.”

Hope raised an eyebrow. “Did you just play a full game of hockey?”

Julian sighed. “No.”

“Okay then,” Hope stroked Julian’s hair. “Go get ready for bed, okay? Take dad with you.”

“C’mon, J, we’ll watch some of the post-game.”

Remus watched Julian and his dad trudge upstairs then turned to Hope. “Mom, let me do that. We have a long flight tomorrow again. Why don’t you go rest up, too?”

Hope looked between them and laughed, understanding. “Well, if you insist. I’ll just leave you two alone then. My son the chef, that’s new!”

Remus snorted. “It was new, like, four years ago!”

Hope smiled and kissed Remus on the cheek, then Sirius. “See you two tomorrow.”

When the microwave beeped, they shared the bowl with two forks, ankles tangled below the table.

“Are you really worried?” Sirius said after a few beats of silence. He twirled his fork in the noodles and held it out to Remus. “About Kasey. About Snape.”

Remus took Sirius’ fork gently into his mouth. “I don’t know. I know he’s worried. He’s nervous about his thigh. I can tell. It’s like you, early on with your ankle. Timid.”

Sirius nodded slowly. “Do you think I should talk to him?”

Remus shrugged. “It couldn’t hurt. Kasey’s strong, but it’s always good to hear you’re good.”

Sirius’ smile was sly, if not a little sleepy. “So I learned today.”

Remus smiled. “Eat so we can sleep. You frickin sweetheart.”

Sirius laughed and pulled the bowl towards him to scrape the last of the noodles towards him and into his mouth. After putting it in the sink, he bent over the back of Remus’ chair, arms across Remus’ chest.

“Bed?”

Remus tilted his head back for a kiss. “Bed.”

~

Slytherin was cold and the Snakes were vicious. Remus looked up at the second period clock running down as he prodded at Sirius’ left shoulder. Sirius was breathing heavily, Moody holding cotton to his bleeding nose.

Malfoy was in a similar state, being led to the the penalty box.

“Finally got tired of him being all over you, eh?” Remus said, then, more firmly, and loudly to be heard over the Slytherin crowd, “Do you have to go back to the locker room with me?”

“Non,” Sirius yelled, batting Moody’s hand away and swiping his own across his nose. The bleeding had stopped. “I’m good, allez.”

Remus nodded, replacing Sirius’ shoulder pad and pulling his jersey back down over his shoulder and arm. “All right, go.”

“Love you,” Sirius breathed, and then hopped the boards to go to the penalty box. Remus couldn’t help but smile a little as he watched him and Malfoy spit words at each other through the glass.

Coach leaned in. “He okay?”

Remus nodded. “He’s fine.” He looked back over at the penalty box, at Malfoy inside. “Blondie’s really not gonna leave him alone this whole series, huh?”

“That’s their way,” Coach grumbled. “Stick on you like leeches. Sirius knows how to handle it.”

Evgeni and Jackson made their way back onto the bench.

“Just take your time, the word will come to you,” Jackson was saying. “Kuns, you can’t get frustrated like that.”

Evgeni grumbled something in Russian and Jackson just nodded along.

“Nado, score goal,” he ended with.

“I’m trying.”

They were down three nothing, and Remus looked back at Kasey. He was tense, in his own head. Remus would give anything to be able to talk to him.

The puck dropped, Logan on the face-off. They were four-on-four, Sirius leaning forward in the box, probably hoping for a jack-in-the-box goal. Snape carried the puck in easily, past Olli, deking around Pascal only to be crushed to the boards by Timmy. He lost it for a second, but Logan flubbed a pass and then it was on Carrow’s stick.

“Shit,” Remus swore under his breath.

Carrow was a ruthless, fast skater. He pushed towards Kasey, closer and closer.

Despite everything, Remus wasn’t expecting him to ram into Kasey, disregarding the puck entirely, and knocking them both into the net.

The goal horn blared and Carrow didn’t even look up as he skated off the ice and down the tunnel. He knew he was too dirty to be allowed back in the game. Some of his team members patted him on the back. Remus felt sick.

Remus leaped up—and Kasey stayed down. The ref was blowing the whistle hard.

“Fucking interference!” James shouted, voice breaking with how much he had been at it. “Fuck!”

Kasey hit the ice with his stick as he rose, slowly. So slowly.

Sure enough, the referee skated out, hands in a cross, signaling that there was no goal.

Just as suddenly, the crowd started to sing. At least, at first Remus thought it was singing. Then, he recognized the sound.

“Winter,” the crowd was saying in a long, drawn out drone. It was haunting. It was over and over again.

Winter, Winter.

They were taunting him. Kasey was lapping his goal. He was favoring one leg. He was keeping his head down.

“Coach,” Remus said quietly. “Coach, he’s hurt.”

“Let’s see what he does,” Coach said. “Let’s see, Kasey’s not reckless.”

“He might be if the entire crowd is taunting him into it.”

“We have ten seconds left. He can last ten seconds.”

“We’ll keep it away from him,” Thomas said. His eyes were dark. “Jesus, Kase.”

The ten seconds went, and the end of the second period rang out.

Kasey was down on one knee in his crease, head bowed. Then, he lifted his gaze and looked right at Remus. Remus could only just make out his brown eyes through his mask. Kasey gave a slight shake of his head.

Walking back down the tunnel was a blur. Sirius was holding his hand until they had to part ways. Remus looked up at a TV as he passed and stopped when he saw himself. It was the moment from earlier. He had his hands up Sirius’ jersey, checking his shoulder, while Sirius had his head turned close to him, mid-sentence, blood dripping down his face.

“Black and Lupin, close on the bench this game,” the show host was saying and Remus scoffed. “And what looked like a bad hit on Lions starting goalie, Kasey Winter, by the Snakes tonight. Lucky for the Lions, they don’t have too bad a rookie. Nineteen year old Leo Knut, Louisiana born…”

Remus kept walking, pushing open the door to the quiet room where Kasey was waiting for him on his back on the exam table. He had his bad leg stretched out.

“Hi Kase,” Remus said softly.

Kasey had an arm over his eyes, and he pulled it away slowly. “Hi, Loops.”

“You okay? Can I get you some water or a bar or something?”

Kasey shook his head. “No. Let’s just—let’s get this over with. Just tell me.”

Remus bit his lip, but nodded. “Okay. I’m gonna take your shorts off, alright?”

Kasey nodded, and Remus worked quietly until he was stripped to his underarmour and Remus could feel his strong muscles and tendons. Remus was gentle and quick. Kasey wasn’t a player who liked things sugar coated.

“Well?” Kasey asked in a rough voice.

“It—it has a light tear, I think,” Remus said softly, and Kasey closed his eyes. “I need you to rest Kase. Don’t think I haven’t seen you pushing yourself. I know it’s frustrating.”

“Barely,” Kasey grit out. “I’ve been barely pushing myself. It’s—it’s just not—”

There was a knock at the door, making them both look up.

Natalie poked her head in, and the moment Kasey saw her he pressed a palm over his eyes and sucked in a sharp breath of tears.

“Kase,” Natalie was rushing forward, the door falling shut behind her. She rubbed a palm over his chest, the other in his hair. “Hey, baby, you’re all right.” She kissed his forehead. “You’re all right.”

“I’ll give you two a second,” Remus said quietly, and she nodded.

“Thanks, Re.”

Remus felt overly hot and heavy when the door closed behind him. The hallway looked busy and loud with staff members.

“Remus.”

Remus turned at Arthur’s voice, meeting worried, stern eyes.

“Tell me,” Arthur said.

“These injuries are tricky,” Remus managed. “They’re easily aggravated and…”

“And I should get Knut warmed up?”

“Yes,” Remus said, even though it hurt. “Yes.”

Arthur pressed his lips together and they stood there for a moment, the chaos around them.

“I’m going to go see Bliz,” Arthur said. “Tell him he’s good.”

“Natalie’s in there. I think you should give him a minute.”

Arthur nodded. “Okay. Go see the boys. I’m coming back in five to go over strategy.”

“Okay,” Remus managed a tight smile, and headed for the locker room.

Sirius was on him in a moment, sweaty and stripped down to his pads and socks.

“No, it isn’t good,” Remus said before he could ask. “Where is Leo?”

“Warming up,” Sirius said. “Fuck. Re—”

“Loops?”

It was Evgeni.

“Blizzard is okay?” he asked. The rest of the locker room quieted to listen.

Remus shook his head. “He’s okay but he’s done for the season.”

Remus turned to Sirius and took his hand. “Are you okay?”

“Yes,” Sirius said. “Are you?”

“I feel horrible,” Remus said. “I should have watched him closer, I should have—I knew how hard he was being on himself, I’ve been there.”

“Re, this isn’t your fault. Did you see that hit? Carrow’s out of the game and he’s gonna get a suspension for that. It was completely insane.”

“They’ll just replace him with Bones. You know they will, that’s their whole strategy. They don’t care how hard the hit is—”

“They don’t care about their players,” Regulus cut in. He was standing with Pascal and offered a humorless smile. “Whatever makes the game easier.”

“And yet their motto is always pure hockey,” Pascal shook his head.

“I need to find Leo.”

“He’s with Finn and Logan by the bikes,” Regulus said.

Remus nodded, pressed a palm to Sirius’ cheek, and then turned away.

Leo was stretched out on the floor in his spandex, Logan and Finn talking with him as they kept their muscles warm on the bikes. They looked up when Remus entered.

“Is Nut in?” Finn asked.

“Yes.”

Leo sat up. “Is Kasey…” but he trailed off at Remus’ expression. “Fuck.”

“Bliz,” Logan sighed, raking his fingers through his sweaty hair before hanging his head, elbows on the bike handlebars and feet slow. It had been Logan’s missed pass.

“It isn’t your fault, Tremz. We just have to hope for the best. But get warm, Leo, okay? You can see him after.”

Leo nodded. “Okay. Not my first play off game or anything. No pressure. At least my family is here.” Leo let out a long breath and touched his forehead to his knees. “My mama would cry if she missed this.”

Remus looked to Finn and Logan. “You guys good?”

Finn nodded. “Yeah, Loops, we’re good.”

Remus pushed back into the hallway, hoping to go back to Kasey, only to be met by Alice. He tried to duck out, but she walked with him.

“Coach says he’s in,” she said, gesturing to the door closing on the cubs. “He told me to come to you for news on Kasey.”

“Slight tear in the adductor longus,” Remus said as they walked down the hall. When Alice just gave him a look, Remus sighed. “Inner thigh.”

“So, his repeating injury.”

“Yes, but,” Remus stopped, hand on her shoulder. They were at the locker room. “Do me a favor, and don’t put that in the press statement. I don’t want him hearing that right now.”

Alice’s expression softened. “You’re good to them, Lupin.”

Remus was already pushing open the door. “They’re good to me.”

Out on the ice, Leo was met by hisses and jeering. Finn and Logan kept close to his side while he marked him his crease, circling and tapping his posts.

Moody chuckled from beside Remus. “Not superstitious, eh?”

Remus patted Sirius’ shoulder. “That can only last so long when you’re around this one twenty-four seven.”

Sirius turned. “Quoi?”

“Nothing,” Remus said, and shared a knowing look with Moody.

“Where’s Bliz?” James asked.

“Watching with Natalie and his family in the recovery room,” Remus said. “He’ll be okay, you guys focus. Win this game for him.”

Remus looked out at Leo, at Pascal on the face-off.

The referee dropped the puck, and the third period of game three began.

[hyena-frog]

Makes me so sad to think about how Cassius raised Lysander for 10 YEARS and came to love him like a brother and likely put a ton of effort into being a decent role model only for Lysander to turn around and become exactly like Octavia..... like can you imagine what must be going through Cassius’ head when he flies over Lysander at the end of DA.. :( seeing the kid he raised to adulthood become a monster.. I just... ugh. It tears me up inside

Hoo boy, I hope you’re prepared for the essay I’m about to write.

Genuinely, I think about this all the time. Cassius and Lysander have one of the most complex, tragic relationships the second trilogy has to offer. I hated Cassius so much after Golden Son but now he’s one of my favorite characters. I would really love it if he is the new POV Pierce Brown promised. In the second trilogy, Cassius has been exclusively filtered through Lysander’s POV, so I’m dying to know his own thoughts on everything that has happened. (But I would also like a Volga POV for the Obsidian story and maybe Diomedes POV for the Rim perspective. I’m torn.) I just want Cassius to have a happy ending. And I hate Lysander, but I would really like for him to see eye to eye with Cassius at least once before he is horribly, painfully, rightfully murdered.

Now, the thing is, Cassius didn’t come to love Lysander as a brother over time, he already loved him when he decided to become his guardian and mentor. It bugged me that, at the end of Morning Star, it didn’t feel like Cassius’ decision to take in Lysander was justified enough. All we really got out of him was that Lysander reminded him of Julian. Pretty flimsy. Then Iron Gold came along and blessed us with a flashback to when they first met. Little Lysander wasn’t too impressed with Cassius (he wasn’t exactly as respectable post Red Rising as he is now) but Cassius quickly went from calling Lysander an “eerie little creature” to declaring “I’ve decided to like you, little moon boy.” From that moment, Cassius truly cared for Lysander. Reading that flashback again after Dark Age makes me so emotional.

Lysander has this complex about being Julian’s replacement, that Cassius doesn’t love him so much as he loves the shadow of Julian he sees in him. And he’s justified, in a way, because Cassius does slip up and call him Julian sometimes, but it’s usually when he’s delirious from pain and not thinking clearly. Lysander completely misses the fact that Cassius does love him. I guess he doesn’t have much experience recognizing when he’s genuinely cared for, because why would he, but there is plenty of evidence of Cassius’ true feelings.

For example, Cassius sold most of his remaining family possessions to keep them afloat on the Archimedes. Now, Cassius isn’t strapped for cash by any means but the fact he cares for Lysander (and Pytha) enough to sell many of the last reminders of his dead family that he owns, is very telling. But Lysander doesn’t think about that. He acknowledges that it happened but doesn’t consider the deeper, emotional meaning behind that action.

Another example is Cassius opening up to Lysander about the last time he ever saw his father. How he disappointed Tiberius but finally regained his respect, only for the entire Bellona family to be slaughtered shortly after that reconciliation. That was a sign that he loves and trusts Lysander enough to be vulnerable with him. He never told that story to anyone else, as far as we know. He believed he was going to die in the Bleeding Place and wanted that memory of his father to live on in Lysander. The fact that Lysander is blind to how Cassius genuinely loves him, even now, is tragic.

You’re right, Cassius did try to be a good role model and pass on good morals. I think the scene in Dark Age, where Pytha confesses that Cassius forbade her from revealing to Lysander that she is actually a soldier and not a disgraced commercial pilot, as he was lead to believe, was very telling. Cassius attempted to show Lysander life outside of politics and war. He tried to show him that all Colors are equals deserving of respect. Cassius was devastated when Lysander chose to save Seraphina over the many mid- and low-color prisoners on the Vindabona. He was horrified that Lysander chose “quality” of life saved over quantity. This coming from Cassius, who compared Pinks to animals in Red Rising. Cassius has learned and changed a lot since the first book and he tried to pass those lessons onto Lysander. But it didn’t stick. Not even after 10 years of teaching.

Unfortunately, his teachings were tainted by his bad coping mechanisms for his personal demons. His alcoholism, his continued pining for Virginia, combined with his betrayal of Octavia and involvement in Aja's brutal murder, gave Lysander enough excuses to never fully embrace his lessons. While Lysander did love Cassius, there was always some flaw or another in his teacher that allowed him to comfortably distance himself from the lessons that diverged from Octavia’s teachings. To be honest, Cassius had no business taking on a ward while he was so torn up inside. Keeping Lysander isolated in a tin can in the middle of space for 10 years, instead of living among diverse people, didn’t do him any favors either. Frankly, Cassius missed a lot of red flags. A big one is the fact Lysander carved Lux ex tenebris, the Lune family motto, into the ceiling of his room on the Archimedes, where he could stare up at it every night. Yikes.

This dissonance in Lysander’s thinking is what lead to his betrayal in the Bleeding Place. Yes, Lysander loves Cassius and wanted to save his life rather than see him die at the hands of people who don’t respect him. But he also genuinely believes in the inherent hierarchy of Octavia’s teachings, that the “true order” is for Cassius to follow him. If Cassius lives, if he can convince him that his rightful place is to follow Lysander, things can finally be right in the worlds. Cassius failed to express his feelings in a way Lysander can comprehend, so he felt he was just a replacement for Julian. Lysander can dismiss Cassius’ love as love for his dead twin, and in turn, he can dismiss his claim to believe in the inherent equality of humankind as guilt and justification for killing his Sovereign. Cassius was unable to truly see how badly he failed until he was betrayed.

Since Cassius was absent for most of the plot following his “death” it’s difficult to concretely say what he’s been thinking since then. But I’ve been thinking a lot about him, so here is my conjecture. Take it with a grain of salt.

That moment you mention, when Cassius flies overhead, he deliberately retracted his helmet for a brief moment of eye contact with Lysander, so he would know exactly who rescued Darrow... Shivers. So much left unsaid. I imagine Cassius was thinking a lot of things in that moment. On the one hand, some pettiness and anger at being betrayed: “I lived bitch, I rescued Darrow, this is where my loyalties lie.” But there was also probably a mixture of shock and guilt at knowing what Lysander has done, at who he’s sided with and enabled, but also at seeing evidence of physical suffering in Lysander's burn scar and blind eye. Cassius loved Lysander, he was his guardian for 10 years, so he would hate to see him hurt. I think he would feel responsible for Lysander’s actions on some level, even if he logically understands that he’s an adult who makes his own choices.

Regardless, Cassius probably blames himself on some level. That’s what I think anyway. He tried his best to teach this kid good morals for an entire decade only for him to cling to the ideals his grandmother taught him. That has to sting. It’s probably also embarrassing, to a degree. Cassius made this grand promise to Darrow that he’d raise Lysander right, that Sevro was wrong to suggest they should have just killed him when he was little. Now Cassius’ failure to make good on that promise has been advertised to the whole Solar System through Lysander’s actions on Mercury. Surely Cassius feels responsible.

Cassius had a lot of time to think during his long return trip to the Core. About what happened with Lysander in the Rim, about his lingering feelings for Virginia, about his place in the Republic, and about what he really considers the right thing to do. Cassius can be intensely empathetic when he allows himself to be. For example, in Morning Star, he managed to really sympathize with Darrow’s life when they were drinking whiskey together. I’m willing to bet he spent that long return journey considering Lysander’s perspective with a clear head, after spending so many years lost in the haze of his own sorrows. Now that he is out of that bad mental place, he is likely able to see where he made mistakes in how he raised Lysander.

It will make for an interesting confrontation between Cassius and Darrow, who is thoroughly, understandably, done with Lysander, when the time comes to kill him. Cassius knows the danger Lysander poses and probably won’t argue against killing him this time, but I do think he would resist a little and at least try to find an alternative solution.

Lastly, I just want to say this, since it’s sort of relevant: This fandom tends to agree that Sevro should have just killed Lysander as a child, but if I’m being honest, I don’t agree. Kill Lysander now, as an adult, by all means, but as a kid he hadn’t done anything wrong yet, even if he was a little creepy. Darrow was right to give him the chance to live in peace. Too bad he ultimately didn’t take it. I especially don’t think Cassius would agree killing Lysander as a kid was the right choice, even now. He is traumatized by the sudden loss of most of his family, including little kids, so I don’t think he’d ever agree to killing a child. If he could somehow go back in time, knowing what he knows now, I think he would make the same choice to raise Lysander. In that scenario, I think he would rather try to fix the mistakes he made as a mentor, rather than punish Lysander.

Guh. Anyway. I had a lot of words in me about this subject. Hope you got something out of it! I’m consistently amazed by how Pierce Brown’s writing compels me to think deeply about these characters. Not to mention his ability to make me understand Lysander’s perspective even if I don’t like it or agree with it. Cassius’ perspective though... well, half of this post is just me guessing, so we’ll have to see how close I am to canon when book 6 comes out. Thanks for reading!

[beatles-slash-fiction]

Could you do one where ringo accidentally, uhh, releases inside of George and freaks out (sorry if it’s weird I’ve just been in the mood for a pregnancy scare fic idk why)

The first thing Ringo feels is panic.

Normally he has enough self-control to pull out of George in good time, but tonight he gets so lost in what they’re doing that it all just seems to happen so fast.

“Shit,” George says, cheeks flushed and eyes wide. “Did you just....?”

“Yeah,” Ringo says, his voice trembling. “Shit, sorry-“

“Well get out of me! Fuck, Richie-“

Ringo scrambles to pull out of George, before the younger man darts to the bathroom.

They’ve never really talked about contraception before. Ringo had worn a condom the first time they’d had sex, when he’d taken George’s virginity, but after that George had told him he didn’t need one. He trusted Ringo not to come inside him.

And now Ringo’s fucked everything up.

He finds George in the bathroom stood under the shower, one hand braced on the tiles as he reaches behind himself.

“What are you doing?” Ringo asks.

“Scooping your cum out of my arse.”

The panic on George’s face is a good reflection of how Ringo is feeling right now.

“We’ll need to get you to a doctor.” Ringo swallows. “Just in case.”

The rest of the night is tense. They don’t say anything to each other as they climb back into bed and settle into each other’s arms.

Ringo can sense that George doesn’t want to talk about it. He doesn’t want to deal with this right now.

And Ringo doesn’t blame him.

******

The first thing they do the next day is visit Brian and ask him to arrange for them to see a doctor. Discreetly.

“Is everything alright?” Brian asks cautiously. “Is one of you unwell?”

Ringo tells him what happened while George sits there in silence, staring at his lap.

At least they can trust Brian not to judge.

“I’ll arrange for you to see a doctor,” Brian agrees. “Someone who won’t talk to the press. The last thing we want is a pregnancy rumour in the papers.”

George looks up at him with wet eyes. “What if I do turn out to be...?”

“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it,” Brian says softly. “Don’t worry about it for now, lads.”

Of course, all they do is worry about it.

Brian manages to get them an appointment for three days’ time, and all they do is talk about what if.

“We’ll have to get married,” Ringo says. “Brian can help us set it all up.”

“We’ll need to move as well,” George adds softly.

“Our flat has three bedrooms.”

“Yeah, but I don’t really want to raise a kid in London. I want a house in the country with a garden.”

They talk a lot. They talk about how they’ll tell their families and friends. How they’ll announce it to the public. Where they might like to live.

“It’ll be hard.” Ringo squeezes George’s hand. “With touring and everything.”

“John and Paul manage it,” George points out. “And maybe it will be nice for Julian to have some company when we all travel together.”

Ringo wouldn’t say that all this talk excites him as such, but it does make him think about this whole thing in a different way. The thought of George all big and round doesn’t fill him with dread like it did at first, and it has him thinking about their future in a way he hasn’t really thought about it before.

And there’s a little part of him that’s filled with hope.

*****

Brian accompanies them to the doctor’s office, but waits outside while George has his exam.

Ringo doesn’t envy George having to be poked with needles for blood tests; it takes him back to his childhood in hospital.

And he definitely doesn’t envy George having to strip off and let the doctor fumble between his legs with gloved fingers; Ringo lets George squeeze his hand until the whole thing is over.

They’re told it will be a few days until they know the result.

“A boy would be nice,” George says in the car on the way home, gazing out the window. “Don’t you think?”

“Yeah.” Ringo smiles and kisses George’s hand. “It would.”

He imagines a little boy with George’s smile and his own whopping great nose, and warmth floods through his chest.

******

The telephone call comes four days later.

Ringo is the one who answers it.

He’d expected himself to feel more relieved. He’d thought the words not pregnant would have him jumping with joy, so he isn’t quite sure why he just feels...disappointed. Upset.

“Was it the doctor?” George asks as soon as Ringo gets off the phone. “What did he say?”

Ringo takes a deep breath. “You’re not pregnant. We’re all clear.”

A moment of silence passes between them.

A look of disappointment flickers across George’s face, before he forces a smile.

“Oh. Right. Well, that’s good then. We don’t have to worry anymore.”

George’s voice wobbles, and Ringo steps forward to pull him into a hug.

“Sorry,” George says, his voice thick. “I don’t know why I’m getting upset. I’m twenty-two. I’m not ready to have a baby.”

Ringo understands though. He’s upset too, even though he knows he’s not ready to be a father right now. He’s spent the last few days inagining a life with George in a nice house in Surrey with a little tyke running round a massive garden while George tends to the roses-

It’s not to be for now though.

But maybe someday.

[cecesxwickedxocsx]

December 2nd — “You look cold. Take my coat.”

Something about Hogsmeade in winter was… magical. Even more so than usual. Alex walked with his friends from the school to the small town, his eyes wide with excitement. All around him there were the signs that Christmas was coming. Snow boots crunching over the thin layer of snow left behind from the night before, the cool crisp air filling his lungs and coming out in puffs of smoke as if he were a dragon. 

“Come on Alex!” Alex looked up and grinned when he saw his friends waiting for him near the Three Broomsticks. He tugged his hat lower over his ears and ran to catch up with them.

Things in the wizarding world were getting bad, really bad. Alex and his family had moved into Sirius’s family home with him because they decided it was safer than their old home. They were all watching as Harry spiraled. 

Alex knew it was taking a toll on his mom but there wasn’t anything that they could really do to help him. But today, Alex wasn’t going to worry about that. Today was about having fun, and shopping for Christmas. 

“Who are you buying for?” Cameron, Alex’s best friend asked. 

“My mom, my dad, Sirius, Jace, Emma and Livvy.” Alex recited. “And of course you.”

“Damn right you’re getting me a gift.” Cameron grinned. 

Of course the only way any of that would work was if he managed to avoid spending all his money on candy, a serious threat as they walked into Honeydukes. 

Alex grabbed a basket and started to walk around the shop, putting different treats into the basket. He had a sweet tooth, always had. He especially loved chocolate, a trait he apparently got from his father. 

Speaking of, he stopped at the chocolate bars and picked up several of them, those were going to be his gift to his dad. Remus Lupin loved very little more than he loved chocolate, that was a fact. Alex often thought the only thing he did love more than chocolate was him. 

They finished up at the candy shop, Alex spending way more than he meant to and moved on. 

It only took a couple of hours to get all their shopping done. Neither of them really had a lot of money, and by the time they were done, they had just enough to get a couple of butterbeers. 

“What are you doing here?” Alex and Cam had walked in and gotten their drinks. They barely sat when they heard the sneer. 

“Having a butterbeer.” Alex replied, holding up the bottle as if it were obvious. Julian Zabini looked down at them, a dirty look on his face. 

“I told you that you weren’t welcoming here, Dog.” Alex’s hand gripped the bottle tightly. It had recently been going around the school that his father was a werewolf, something he denied, but of course, shutting down rumors was nearly impossible. 

“Shut up.” Alex snapped. 

“Or what, you’ll bite me?” Julian smirked. 

“Just ignore him.” Cam whispered. Alex took a deep breath and loosened his grip on the bottle. 

“You should leave.” Julian pointed to the door. 

“Until you buy the bar and make me, It’s not happening.” Alex lifted the bottle to his lips and took a drink. Julian reached out, smacking the bottle out of his hands. 

“What the hell?!” Cam jumped up to keep from getting hit by the butterbeer. Alex saw red, diving out of the booth and smashing into Julian. The pair slammed into a table and the two people that had been sitting there cried out as their drinks flew. The two boys scuffled until Madam Rosmerta appeared, using magic to yank them apart. 

“What exactly do you think you’re doing?” She shouted. “Get out. Both of you!” She kicked the boys out, ignoring the back that they were both covered in butterbeer now and it was snowing again. Julian’s buddies followed them out the door, tossing Alex into the alleyway between the pub and the building next to it. 

“You think you’re tough?” Julian laughed, shoving Alex back against the brick wall. 

“Tough enough that you think it’ll take three of you.” Alex replied, glancing over Julian’s shoulders at his buddies. 

“That’s just because they wanna have their fun too.” Before Alex could say anything, Julian’s fist slammed into his face. 

Alex quickly lost count of how many times they hit him, but eventually he ended up on the ground. He opened one eye and saw someone walking past, then running off. A few minutes later, came a shout. 

“Stop!” They all froze as the familiar voice boomed down the alley. 

“Professor.” Julian and his goons quickly stepped back. Alex sat up, wiping his mouth on his sleeve. 

“What exactly do you think you’re doing?” Mcgonagall sounded horrified as she came into the alleyway. 

“Evans attacked me in the pub-”

“Get back to the school, Mr Zabini, I will be talking to Professor Snape and we will work out a proper punishment for all three of you, go.” She snapped, Julian and the others ran off and McGonagall held a hand out to Alex. He stared a moment, then up at her, he was not sure that she would actually be able to help him up.

“Oh for the love of Merlin, Mr. Evans, just take the help.” He took her hand and she was stronger than she looked because she hauled him up onto his feet. “Thank you, Creevey.” Alex frowned and looked over, Dennis Creevey stood there, wide eyed. “Can you help Evans back to the school?”

“Y-yes.” Dennis answered. McGonagall nodded and turned to go, leaving the two boys alone. “I saw them hitting you so I found the first professor I could.” Dennis explained. 

“Thanks.” Alex knew he was going to have to go to the infirmary wing, preferably before his older siblings saw his face. 

“You want to go back to the school?” Dennis gestured in the correct direction. 

“No, not really.” Alex answered honestly. “I think I’m going to hang out just a little longer.”

“Great, where are we going?” Dennis asked. Alex frowned. 

“You don’t have to follow me, Dennis, I’ll be okay. Julian and the others are all back at the school.”

“Yeah, I know, i still plan on going with you. McGonagall gave me a job after all.” He smiled. Alex stared a moment then shrugged. 

“Alright, if you insist.”

Alex knew where he wanted to go, he liked to go there sometimes. It was a place he liked to go and just hang out whenever he was able to get out and go to Hogsmeade. 

“The Shrieking Shack?” Dennis seemed a little confused as they walked up to the place that overlooked the old house. Something about the snow made it seem even worse. Alex had never been insided, lucky for him, he hadn’t inherited his father’s curse, but Remus had told him about it once. About the abandoned home that they created tunnels to, about going there once a month, totally and completely alone, tearing up the house and himself. The screams of pain and horror making it back to the town, so bad that Dumbledore spread rumors of the house being haunted to keep anyone from investigating. 

Alex sometimes thought about that deep loneliness his father told him about and knew that it couldn’t be that different from the loneliness that he sometimes felt himself. He wasn’t a werewolf, but he was the only one in his family not blood related to Sirius Black. Plus the feelings that had been stirring inside him for a few years now. The knowledge that not only was he different because of his dad but he was different because the way his older brother went after women? Alex never felt that. Jace was girl crazy, he would flirt with just about any girl he saw. Alex didn’t care for that. No, he had yet to find a girl he was really attracted to. Something he would have blamed on his age. 

Except he had felt it towards others, Towards guys. Alex didn’t know anyone else that was like this, and he didn’t know how to talk about it with anyone, he wasn’t sure he wanted to, but standing there with Dennis, looking at the house that sheltered one of his dad’s secrets for so long, Alex felt more alone than he ever had before and he had never wanted to spill his secrets more than that moment either. To just load everything on Dennis sounded amazing. 

But that wasn’t what Alexander Evans did. Instead he pressed his lips together and wrapped his arms around himself. 

“You look cold, take my coat.” Before Alex could say anything, Dennis had shrugged out of his coat and carefully laid it over Alex’s shoulders. 

“Won’t you be cold now?”

“Not really, I tend to be a very warm person.” Dennis replied. 

Alex nodded, reaching up and wrapping the jacket around him a little tighter. 

“I believe that.”

[starblazerm31]

Main 6 With A Vampire MC, part 1: Julian

As someone who has played Vampire: The Masquerade for years now, I just had way too much to say on this subject.  I will do two halves on these: the basic turning scenario as well as NSFW headcanons below cuts.  So we will start with Julian.  As a note, I imagine all kinds of teamwork going on with the LIs here.  So multiple characters will be used in these HCs.

He wasn't sure how it happened.  But one night, he came home to find you laying on the floor, pale as death, with two puncture marks on your neck.

Julian felt a new kind of terror at the thought of you turning.

Asra quickly smacks sense into Julian before he can start blaming himself.  You were bitten.  You were going to become a vampire.  The two of them MUST get ready for this!

Julian does research in the palace library while Asra tends to you.  You're in a lot of pain.

Julian bursts through the shop door and climbs the stairs, his arms laden with books and scrolls.

The effects of your turning could be lessened through magic, but it wouldn't stop it.  And you would be hungry for blood when the transformation was complete.

Pig’s blood.  A decent enough substitute.

Julian bought a bucket of pig’s blood from the butcher.  He got some strange looks.

You were laid out on the bed, various herbs and charms laying around you.  Julian kisses your knuckles, knowing it may be the last time he ever feels your warmth again.

Your body writhes in agony as the changes take hold.  Asra holds Julian and reassures him.  When your body goes still, they brace themselves.

Your eyes open, the irises now a crimson red.  You sit up, and they notice how deathly pale you've become.  Julian carefully steps towards you and offers you a cup of the pig's blood.  You drink it down ravenously.  Julian wipes the blood trickling down your chin, and you look up at him.

"Julian?"

"Yes, Darling...it's me."

He holds you close, unable to stop himself from weeping.  "I'm so sorry this happened to you, MC.  I'm so so sorry..."

"We'll make it better, I promise."

Things change around the shop.  Blackout curtains to keep the sunlight out.  Any herbs or charms that harm the undead are removed.  Pigs blood is kept chilled for you to drink.  A casket filled with Vesuvian earth replaces your bed, but Julian will still sleep next to you.

He won't stop until he finds a cure for you.  Even if it takes his whole life.  He won't let you remain damned, no matter the cost to him.

NSFW below the cut!

Julian can see that you are weak from lack of blood.  Though it worries him, he offers to let you feed from him.

You object, stating that you didn't know what would happen; if you would be able to stop once you had started.  He tells you that he doesn't want you to starve.  You're weak.  You need to feed.

He unbuttons his collar and gives you access to his smooth pale neck.  You can see the blood flowing through his veins, and the hunger calls to you.

But you won't let yourself harm Julian.  You love him far more than the hunger.  You kiss the warm skin and tilt his head at just the right angle.  You can't help but notice how flushed he's become.  Delicious...

You open your mouth and gently pierce his neck with your fangs.  Immediately, you taste the metallic nectar of his blood flowing into your mouth.  Julian moans at the pain.

You drink lightly, taking very small sips.  You can feel your strength starting to return, but you weren't sure how much blood you would need.  You feel Julian arch his body into yours and his arms cling to your back.

You decide to reward him for helping you so.  You take one hand and trail it lazily down the front of his body until you are cupping his groin.  He grows hard and you feel the blood flow into your mouth lessen.  You chuckle.  That is adorable.

You rub him softly, your motions in time with the lapping of your tongue on his neck.  He whimpers and clings harder to you.

You feel your thirst sated and you close the wounds on Julian's neck with a slow lick of your tongue.  You gaze at your lover's heavily-lidded eyes and the new pallor to his skin.  You stop touching him and gaze deeply into his eyes.  "Are you alright?" you ask.

He nods.  "Please...don't stop..."

You lick the remainder of his blood from your lips before seizing his mouth with yours.  You pull his cock free and stroke it firmly, taking in the vibrations from Julian's moan into the kiss.

He goes limp in your arms.  Your fangs pierce his bottom lip, and the taste of his blood fills both of your mouths.  He groans at the sensation.

His body shudders as he climaxes, his hot cum dripping down your fingers.  You release him from the kiss and make him watch as you lick his seed from your hand.  He clearly loves to watch his cum cling to your fangs.

He smiles weakly.  "Well, um...that wasn't so bad."

You laugh out loud and gather him up in your arms.  You carry him to the bed and gently lay him down.  "Thank you, Julian.  Thank you so very much."

"Anytime, my darling."  He laughs.  "I really mean it."

Ko-Fi ☕

[smile-files]

heya folks

gonna write a long post about the nicest person i know who i’ll probably never see again :’[

it’s an interesting story, but i wouldn’t blame you for not wanting to take the time to read it. do what you’d like!

it was after 7th grade just ended; i wasn’t in the best place emotionally, things kinda sucked. i was excited for camp, however, something i always looked forward to. i got placed in a bunk and stuff, of which there were 4; i was happy with the counselors, too (their names were ariel and jared). i was kinda bummed that one of my favorite counselors, named eli, wasn’t working there as a counselor anymore - he still worked at the camp, but whatever position he had i didn’t see him around as much. 

at camp i would carry around a drawing notebook and a fanny pack, in which i had pens, pencils, the like. i soon noticed that another counselor, named shai, had a fanny pack; no, we didn’t ‘bond’ over it or whatever, but that’s one thing that made him grab my attention. 

my camp is a ramah camp, which is a jewish camp; one of the activities that we’d have were a kind of elective we’d sign up for, called ‘shiur’ (literally means work), which integrated jewish learning with some activity - sometimes it’d be calligraphy, or pokemon, or super heroes. during first session i chose the pokemon shiur. normally, during the shiur period, counselors would go off and have a meeting. but, for some reason, shai would always hang out near where we’d have our pokemon shiur. i knew, of course, that this was because of julian.

i don’t know a specific reason why, but camp ramah tends to have a good number of autistic kids going there; some of them have a specific ‘caretaker’ of sorts who are with them to make sure they’re okay. my sister had one, my friend abby, and julian - shai tended to be with him and made sure he was okay. (something i find fascinating about julian was how he loved drawing road maps and signage)

it just so happened that julian picked the same shiur as me both sessions -pokemon in first and super heroes in second - so shai tended to be around. in this way i got to get to know him.

he noted my art on several occasions - he said that i’d be good at doing henna considering how frequently i’d draw on the back of my hand; when making the banners for color war, he said he’d abduct me so i could do the banner for his team (no abducting ever occurred, lol)

shai is a very funny person - i don’t know his mbti type, but i’m dead set on him being an nf. he was nice to be around, and i keep describing him as ‘supportive’; no wonder why, considering the circumstances of most of second session.

near the end of each session, we would have an overnight trip we’d go on (for two nights, three days). on the first trip, shai unfortunately wasn’t able to come for whatever reason. it was still a fun trip, but i still missed him.

come second session, however, and things would be different - shai was able to come with us on our trip to baltimore! i ended up sitting in the back of the coach bus, and shai was sitting across from me. something i noted is that he’s one to ask ‘you okay?’ a lot. and i mean a lot. 

on the first day of the trip, we went to the national aquarium, got caught in a downpour, and watched an orioles vs yankees baseball game in the rain. we arrived at the synagogue we were staying in and went to bed; i got my typical 7 hours of sleep.

the next day we went to six flags! i chose the slow group because i’m a wimp. i had been wearing my galaxy hoodie at the time; when we stopped to have lunch, shai seemed concerned about me. woop

we went back into six flags after lunch; at one point we went on some raft ride type thing, and we were sitting on a bench in the sun to dry off (we’d gotten drenched). i was still wearing my hoodie (which, i may note, is rather thick). eventually shai’s group came around and they sat next to us on the bench. 

shai checked the temperature on his phone, which was 90 degrees farenheit, so he said that i should probably take off my hoodie; i was only convinced after the “do it for me” thing that people do that just sells it. note: after his group left i put the hoodie back on lmao, now that’s a story i tell a lot (along with the story of eli having gone illegally ziplining with jesus)

that night, for whatever reason, i slept terribly. i fell asleep at 10:40 and woke up 48 minutes later, at 11:28. i was left sitting in the dark, super bored; i watched counselors walk in and out of the room, i counted to 1000, i went to the bathroom to sing to myself, i looked out the window. either way i had to wait 8 hours for everyone else to get up.

by this time this was the last day on the trip, and we were going to go to an elderly home. we packed up our stuff, something i did quickly. i then kind of wandered aimlessly around the room, waiting for everyone else to finish. this prompted another ‘you okay?’ from the shaister. 

i managed to nap on the bus, but only for half an hour. we eventually got to the place; we were going to talk to them, give them ceramic gifts that people had apparently made, and that one kid who can play any song on the piano by ear just went off. 

you may know that i’m a rather shy person; this, for whatever reason, felt like any party i’d ever been to - isolated and very anxious. there were a number of girls who said they were scared, but they weren’t shy - they were just scared of old people or something. shai convinced them that old people are not scary, then came to console me; he noted that people used the pun of “shy” and “shai” sounding similar on him a lot, but now he could actually use that himself. he didn’t pressure me to do anything i didn’t want to, and even suggested going outside if i really felt uncomfortable. i probably should’ve gone outside, but i didn’t. eventually we all went outside anyway to have rita’s ices, but i didn’t want any. 

i’m pretty sure that’s all the trip stuff, but there’s more afterward. there are some stupid inconsequential things that i just find kind of amusing, to say the least. for one thing, there were these tacky plastic champagne glasses that the counselors had for whatever reason; there was this show going on, and everyone was bored out of their minds. shai just gave me one of these stupid glasses with no context, for the lulz or whatever. my response was to draw a smiley face on it with sharpie and give it back. he found this rather amusing.

one day i brought this shark plushie to camp, whom i called ‘smore’ because he looked like a marshmallow. shai insisted it was a piranha just to annoy the heck out of us, an argument that lasted two days.

another thing, one of the counselors was going to be leaving for israel before camp ended, so we had this whole thing where basically you could give a shoutout to anybody and thank them; i decided to thank the counselors in general, as most teenagers wouldn’t tolerate leading around a bunch of loud middle schoolers; shai knew i was a rather shy person, so he said that it was a very good thing of mine to do. 

my age group was actually an amalgamation of several age groups - rising 6th graders, rising 7th graders, and rising 8th graders. being in the latter group, i was going to take part in some stupid graduation. and, you see, we all had to write speeches for it.

i wrote a speech, whatever, which mostly consisted of thanking counselors (in general i get along better with figures of authority, eg. counselors or teachers or whatever rather than fellow kids). i was very worried about the whole ordeal, but i did it; afterwards shai said he was proud of me for giving my speech despite how anxious i was about it.

and note how i never outright told the guy how anxious i was about any of these things - he’s just the type of person who knows; i always value people like that, given how i never tell anyone anything :’]

when it came to the last day of camp, i wanted to make sure shai knew how thankful i was for everything he did for me. i didn’t know a single other person who was half as validating and supportive of me as he was. but, being me, i couldn’t just tell him. no, i had to make a hand out of pipe cleaners, write a card, fold it up and make it look like an ice cream cone, put the folded card into the hand, and then awkwardly give it to him.

he initially said he’d read it later; but soon enough he read it and then i got a shai hug. yea!

welp everything after camp sucked! before school started i was so worried how i’d cope with my dumb issues without shai being there; i came to miss him a ton. like really, a ton.

before that summer, i had camp dreams like, heck, maybe once or twice a year?

but since that summer of 2019, i’ve had ~15+ camp dreams. i really missed him. i longed for the support he’d give me when i was anxious, for the knowledge that somebody understood me. i eventually started having headaches a lot, so i came to ‘think’, “oh! he’s trying to telepathically talk to me!”

i never did believe that to be the case, but imagining that i could talk to shai was comforting. every day i’d talk into my hand, telling him how my day went, asking him about his, and sometimes singing him a song or something. this came to be a normal thing i did routinely. i would get worried when i didn’t get headaches for a while, as i perceived those as him ‘responding’, so i would think i did something wrong.

i would frequently worry about if i’d ever see him again - i had no way of knowing if he’d be a counselor at camp this year. then covid-19 came and i knew he couldn’t. at some points it really bothered me how much my mental health revolved around this person who i knew for around 2 months and who i’ll probably never see again.

as of now, i still do miss him. i still had camp dreams. i literally had one last night, where i saw shai and was trying to call out to him, but he didn’t hear me. i still do ‘talk’ to him, but it’s not like i think i’m actually speaking to him. but heck, if it’s comforting to me, there’s no reason not to. 

but really, shai seems more like a figment of my imagination now. it’s been a year since i’ve last seen him. was he ever real? 

i would draw him sometimes, imagine what it’d be like to talk to him again. how i wish i could talk to him again. 

there are so many silly little things i remember about shai - his poofy hair, his aviator sunglasses, how his fanny pack had writing on it in red sharpie and had multiple sunscreens in it, how he almost got hit by a cookie... 

shai is the nicest person i’ve ever known, and it’s a shame that i’ll probably never see him again. he’s the kind of person i want to be - i want to be able to understand people and cheer them up when they’re upset. i want to have poofy hair and call people ‘bud’ unironically...

oh to be you, shai...

(oh wait, i know he exists because apparently you can find his channel on youtube and his pfp is his face... the only thing on it is one comment saying “thanks for subscribing” lmao :’])

if any of you know who i’m talking about, or think you do, please tell me!! :’0

thanks broskis *sob*

[jcastanxda]

» • * — ( aron piper, male , he/him ) . i think i hear volver a comenzar by technicolor fabrics coming from apartment 2512. doesn’t joaquin castaneda live there?? i heard they are a 24 year old music composer from montreal, quebec, but they’ve been living in the apartments for six months . they come across a bit - fickle and - arrogant , but they also seem like they could be + ingenious and + sociable. whenever i see them, i think of antique instruments being used as decoration, listening to music in the dark & crumpled up pieces of paper with lyrics scribbled down on them. oh, and don’t forget to follow them on instagram at jcastaneda !

sort of revamped him? a lot of this is the same as before. but there’s still some tweaks! if we had any connections before then it can probably be assumed that they’re still there. unless it conflicts with anything new. then we can plot out something different! 

full name: joaquin gael castaneda bruhl-cabrera birth place: montreal, quebec, canada occupation: musician / composer sexuality: gay birthday: march 21st 1996 height 6′1″ zodiac: aries mbti:  ENTJ relationship status: single relatives: natalina cabrera instruments: violin, bass, & piano languages: fluent in english, fairly fluent in french & spanish, & some german

early childhood:

although his parents are from europe, he was born and raised in canada. due to their musical backgrounds (his mom a violinist and his dad a composer), his parents wanted to share their influence with him as early as possible. so he started playing violin before he was even five years old. he shared the same passion for music as his parents, but since he had little freedom to do much else, he started to resent playing the violin. especially when lessons cut into social time. basically: the boy was lonely af.

teen years:

as a form of rebellion, he decided to pick up playing bass. this meant he tended to slack off while playing violin. but he wasn’t slacking off in school and manged to skip a grade. around this time he also befriended people who would later form a band with him. joaquin started dating a girl, too. the relationship was kind of a drag. as graduation approached, he decided to skip going to college. as you can imagine, this was quite the disappointment for his parents as they had always dreamed of him getting into a prestigious music school. he was just really burnt out by the demands of his parents and his education and needed time to figure things out. so he left canada and distanced himself. 

his twenties

he was still in and out of a relationship with that should have already ended. part of him liked the comfort of having a girlfriend. but when they finally broke up, it felt like a weight was lifted off his shoulders. he liked being able to do whatever he wanted. this also lead to him realizing that he wasn’t really into girls at all. the band fizzled out. which he didn’t mind so much. then he slept with his friend, julian, and caught feels. stupid. messy. feels. something he had to work out without hurting their friendship. 

recently:

he’s kind of been doing some soul searching for the past six months. actually listened to his parents somewhat and went back to school after the band thing didn’t work out. for him, he has an on/off relationship with school. he already has a career building by composing for people. and connections through his parents. but he hasn’t completely abandoned school. 

facts that don’t fit anywhere:

his parents still send him money

downplays his intelligence sometimes

uses groups of people as siblings because he was an only child

doesn’t catch feels very easily

arrogant when it comes to music / perfectionist too

more confident than he used to be / over compensates

drinks dumb bitch juice and makes mistakes sometimes

thinks vaping looks stupid

surprisingly good at cooking 

sometimes ignorant (socially) 

can (almost) pass as cool 

i mean, it's one banana, michael. what could it cost, $10?

wanted connections:

friends, enemies, in-between…

i honestly am the absolute worst when it comes to connections? 

maybe someone who has family history. their parents didn’t get along? so now they don’t really get along? but it’s dumb. and they actually should be friends?

a fangirl who is upset that he quit the band? maybe blames him for the band breaking up? (it’s probably not pink slip at this point. another band). 

a girl he hooked up (or almost did) before he realized that it really wasn’t for him? (but now they’re cool and probably joke about it. and they’re friends). 

again. terrible at coming up with wanted connections.

guy friends. he doesn’t have a brotp. 

more frenemies (especially anyone who points out that he is actually a nerd) 

casual friends. anyone he goes to the gym with. or mingles with when there is a social event going on. might text each other memes sometimes. 

a wing man. not necessarily to get him dates. but someone who can take him under their wing? since he’s more confident now. but doesn't really know how to use it? 

a distant friend. someone that has grown distant from him. or he grew distant from them. doesn’t have to be anything dramatic. but still they aren’t as close now. 

alright this is all i have right now. i am always up for brainstorming. 

thanks for reading this. i really tried?

[adelar-ward]

As much as I'd love to see all of these about Caleb what about 4 21 and 31? Feel free to engage in any and all collateral babbling pls 💖

Aaand here we go with collateral babbling from the very beginning.

4. Has your character ever witnessed something that fundamentally changed them? If so, does anyone else know?

Yeah, well… he died. :3

Let me start from the beginning and say he and Valeruis were… together, of sorts, even before Caleb’s death. For a long time, actually, since Caleb was 19 and Val was 33 (which Val remembers and snek does not), he started to visit the palace with Asra but hanged out with Lucio and his loud friends rather than Asra, Nadia and Julian. Not that he wasn’t welcome with them, they just were like “if he’s social enough to tolerate Lucio’s company and keep him off us, let him.”

Before the death Caleb was more suave, open and social, now he’s quiet, contemplative and prefers to keep to himself as much as possible. Also his natural, non-glamoured hair color was originally black and now it’s white.

Caleb we know today is very careful with others’ feelings. When he finds out someone’s vulnerable for him, he doesn’t want to exploit or take advantage of it, he wants to appreciate and protect it, and this is where his love originates from. The real moment he started to fall for Valerius was the moment Valerius opened up to him more than wanted to, admitted he’s hurting. That activated lovesnek mode - he wants to show Val he deserves to be supported and appreciated unconditionally, treated with all love and respect.

Before the death he was careless with people’s feelings, a hedonist, quite an ass. He was a good lover (physically), paid attention to every single inch of his partner’s body, left it absolutely satisfied, cared about their pleasure more than for his own, never kept them starving. But as for morally… he was impudent, assertive young man who had problems with commitment and responsibility, he openly said that Val is just a fling that doesn’t mean much, but such a gem in bed. He didn’t hurt Val on purpose, just didn’t even consider it as something to be careful with, tossed aside emotions he didn’t want to be responsible for. And Val still loved him because sometimes you just can’t help it against your betted judgement. So now Val, on one hand, can’t help but gives in to Caleb’s comfort and care because he’s starved for being cared for, but on the other hand, holds himself back and isn’t able to completely trust it (and there are more reasons for it other than that). Their relationship is hell of a rollercoaster and a lot of pining.

Caleb changed that much because of half of Asra’s heart – soft, caring, unconditionally loving heart that taught him to care for others instead of himself, and Asra knows a thing or two about dedication in love.

Naturally, everyone who knew Caleb three years ago can notice he’s changed, just not everyone remembers how he was. Asra knows. Valeruis knows. Probably Lucio, but that depends on his memories from before.

21. If something tragic or negative happens to your character, do they believe they may have caused or deserved it, or are they quick to blame others?

Well, he’s good at understanding causes and consequences, so mostly he knows who’s the real one to blame. When he does not, he would rather think he did something wrong and deserved it, but not in Julian way of thinking (deserving being punished for the very existence), more in “probably i did not take something important into account and it went south because of my poor thinking” way, so he just goes all the way back in his mind, thinking where he or people involved possibly fucked it up. If it’s a sudden and unpredictable tragedy, he won’t blame anyone for it, sometimes tragedies just happen.

31. Describe a scenario in which your character feels most comfortable.

Physically it’s dim lights, soft sounds, no strong perfume or intoxicating exotic flowers, and warm (but not stuffy, he hates stuffy, so he will rather open windows and set a hearthfire). His senses tend to get a bit… cranky when overwhelmed, and he loses his ability to relax or concentrate (it also manifested after being resurrected, before his death he felt great on disco parties). Mentally – he prefers to be alone and unnoticed (alone with someone, but only one, and not a loud one, will do too), that’s why one of his favorite and most used spells is nevermind me spell. He often casts it on himself just to be undisturbed, even when he doesn’t do anything or go anywhere he must not do and go, he also casts is on library doors whenever he’s in there.

[larriefails]

+ seasurfacefullofclouds*tumblr*com/post/183771544610/sea-sometimes-i-just-think-what-if-they-hadnt

I really shouldn’t be wasting my time addressing this mess, but I just… can’t help it. I’m gonna take the shortest possible break from studying to drag this. If I fail it’s your fault for sending this link and you’ll be the one explaining it to my mom!

“I think the boys lost a huge opportunity.”

None of the following text addresses how she starts it. What huge opportunity did they lose? If this is the first sentence you write on a long ass text, I at least expect an explanation s for why you said it. What opportunity?

“They were signed and worked as employees, initially, without creative or financial power.”

Yeah, no brainer, since they were 16/18 with zero musical experience other than performing at weddings and their high school musicals and were all from middle class families. Imagine if these guys had been given the creative reins of Up All Night

“It seems that Sony/ Syco had no confidence in their longterm potential as artists (whether individually or as a group), so the corporate tactic was to wring as much out of them as possible within the time frame of their contract.”

That’s a whole lot of assumption, what’s it based on? Why does it “seem” that way? What part of Syco’s strategy hinted at them not seeing long term potential? With boybands, labels tend to be more focused on the financial gain they can squeeze off them in the immediate, sure, but that doesn’t mean that they see no long term potential. In fact, I would argue that these corporate people would have to be terrible at their jobs for that to be the case. Name one boyband with even mild success, ever, that’s not still giving bucks, whether as a group or as individuals. One. Just one. New Kids On The Block? Westlife? Backtreet Boys? Justin Timberlake? Take That? The Jonas Brothers? Seriously… one. This is a ridiculous statement that isn’t backed up by reality. Of course most boybands have a shell life and their initial success fizzles out. Most of them won’t even bring a fraction of the cash 10 years in, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t still money to be made. It’s not that Syco didn’t have confidence in their long term potential as artists, it’s that they knew that boybands are usually like fireworks, and they were right..

Current numbers for all their albums according to Wikipedia (because I cannot be bothered looking for music specific sources, send them if you want)

Up All Night 4,754,434 X

Take Me Home 4,966,424 X (UP!)

Midnight Memories 4,607,667 X (DOWN!)

Four 2,698,500 X (DOWN!)

Made In The AM 1,935,300 X (DOWN!)

They went from almost 5 million albums certified to under 2 million. Touring went from theaters with Up All Night, to arenas with Take Me Home, to stadiums with Where We Are, but by that point, it started to decline as well:

Where We Are total attendance 3,439,560 people in 69 shows, about 50K average X

On The Road Again total attendance 2,337,938people in 80 shows, less than 30K average X

Boyband audiences grow out of them and move on to different artists. A label squeezing all the money they can get out of the first few years is just the smart thing to do, but that doesn’t mean that there’s no money to be made afterwards or that there are no long term plans. This statement is simply idiotic, not surprising given who it comes from

“In the meantime, both Irving Azoff and Sony recognized Harry’s potential as the traditional boyband breakout star, as well as his relative youth, vulnerability and ambition. They knew he had the star quality, if motivated in the right way.”

I’m convinced she doesn’t reread what she types because here she contradicts her statement from before

It seems that Sony/ Syco had no confidence in their longterm potential as artists (whether individually or as a group)

and

In the meantime, both Irving Azoff and Sony recognized Harry’s potential as the traditional boyband breakout star

So which one is it, Sea? Did Sony not see individual potential or did they see it? You can’t use “in the meantime” for a sentence that contradicts the one that comes right before

Syco is owned by both Simon Cowell and Sony Music. If Sony saw potential, then so did Syco, because Syco is part of Sony

Also this had me cackling “as well as his relative youth” .. what was “relative” about Harry’s youth when he met Jeff Azoff? He was nineteen. That’s not “relative youth” that’s just youth. Otherwise you should be mummified, Sea. I’m not pointing this out for any other reason than the fact that she clearly tries to embellish her sentences with pompous adjectives without care for what they actually mean

“On the other hand, Louis had a differing view of what the band could accomplish within the framework of what they’d signed. He wanted the boys to learn about the creative aspects of music-making (songwriting, recording, performing, producing) as well as the business aspect. They all knew they were being used as money machines— but Louis wanted to look behind the machine.”

Don’t get me wrong, I adore Louis, but… what evidence is there of this? That he wanted to write more? That’s not what he said over and over. Louis explained that he didn’t feel he had a place in the band, that he felt like he wasn’t paying his due, so to speak, so he wanted to make himself important by writing. This whole “Louis was the brains of 1D” is nothing more than Larrie Lore. There’s absolutely nothing to back this up at all. This backstory to his songwriting isn’t backed up by Louis himself

And he only talked about songwriting, he never talked about producing, or recording, or performing. I just really wanna know why the real Louis isn’t enough and why they have to fabricate this entire new persona for him. He opens himself up and tells the world what his insecurities are and you just erase them and replace HIS STORY with your new version. For no reason other than because it suits your conspiracy better. It’s sick

“I’m sure they all independently wanted this, but as we learned from Savan’s interview, Louis was the instigator, and he was willing to make himself the bad guy in order to get what the band wanted, to stir up bad feelings.”

No, you completely stripped Savan Kotecha’s interview from context. Savan doesn’t say that they’ll never have any creative input. He specifically says “in the beginning” LINK to Savan’s podcast

“Yeah, I think, like, it was a lot in the very beginning. And I’ll take a lot of blame for some of the stuff in the very beginning. They were a manufactured boyband. That’s what it was. They weren’t all hustling musicians trying to make it. They were on a TV show and, and we purposefully, and I was open about that. Like ‘you’re gonna hate hate the music that you do in the beginning.’ Like, I was open about that. You’re 17, 18 year old boys, you’re not supposed to like what a boyband does.”

I’m not going to transcribe the whole podcast here, you should listen to it, it’s not that long. But basically, he explains that, because he met them during the X Factor days, it was harder for him to go from seeing them as those reality show kids to people that actually knew a thing or two about music. He says that he directed them to Julian Bunetta (who took over as the overall creative director of the albums) and that it was easier for Julian to work with them rather than being authoritative because Julian didn’t have that bias of meeting them so young and inexperienced

He admits he was wrong for seeing them that way because he thinks they’re all incredibly talented now and doing amazing things. What Sea here fails to point out is that for this same album that Savan talks about, he wrote with Harry, and he had this to say about it, in the same podcast that’s used as proof of the opposite

“So, with Harry, it was really interesting. Harry always, especially since album two, you really saw he’s a really fucking good writer. Like, we did a song together, like for the third album, the only thing we did for the third album, and the song “Happily” which I’m really proud of, and I think he is, as well. He was, it wasn’t like that thing, where like, writing down for the artist, he was like fucking great, like bringing ideas. So that was cool to see.”

So how does this go with Louis being the instigator? Savan doesn’t say that at all. He doesn’t imply that. What he plainly says is that he didn’t see Louis in that role

But I think, especially, with like one of the particular members, it was hard to see that person, and like take that person the way he wanted to be seen, and he became, like, the loudest voice of the group. And at that point, I just told the label, it became kind of like unhappy for me to feel like, ‘why’s he doing that?’

There’s a lot of projection and a lot of reading between the lines of this podcast. And this is used as fodder for a lot of the Lore in the conspiracy of Louis being sabotaged (it’s the basis of most Rads theories). Louis didn’t sacrifice himself like a lamb so the others could get creative input. Read the quote from Louis himself that I pasted before. Louis wanted to make himself important because he wasn’t getting many solos and he was insecure as to what his place in the band was. It’s not only stripping Louis away from his own words, but it’s also stripping all the other four from their artistic wants and needs. You think Niall, the Niall that scrapped a whole album and started from scratch didn’t want creative input? You think Zayn didn’t want it? You think Harry didn’t want it? Liam who wrote almost as many songs as Louis? Of course they wanted it, they just went about it differently. Louis has said several times that he has trouble holding his tongue, I think he’d be the first one to admit he probably could’ve handled things differently here. He has that personality, and as a fan, you don’t get to take that away and replace it with something that you find more palatable. You don’t get to make him Jesus, crucifying himself so the others can be free of sin. You don’t get to silence him when he admits to his own faults and takes ownership of his flaws. And you don’t get to change history

Savan’s mistake was not loosening the reins and for having a prejudice about Louis. And he admits to it. No part of this podcast and no quote from Louis indicates that Louis sacrificed himself for the creative input of the band. these are the facts

Savan had a hard time giving up control, true, but he was also willing to work with Harry

Savan had a (wrong) prejudice against Louis

Louis wanted more writing freedom because he (wrongly) believed that he wasn’t earning his keep in the band

All your other conclusions are nothing more than bullshitting from reading wrongly between the lines

And I’m gonna say something controversial.. they were still green in Midnight Memories. Look at this

That’s the aggregated score of the main music critics all over the world, it isn’t just one biased review. As fans, we love the album because we love the band and that’s that, but it was the worst received by critics. Five points difference with Up All Night, that is a lot by Metacritic standards. A steep decline of nine points from Take Me Home. I think Midnight Memories could’ve been better if they had more of a companionship when writing because most of its flaws come from poor lyrics, at least in my subjective opinion

“Louis thought the contract would end at some point, and then they could use what they had learned— the industry contacts they had made, their new knowledge— to either continue with 1D on their own terms, or to do whatever they wanted individually.”

Bullshit. What do you even say to contradict something that’s a complete fabrication? There’s not a shred of proof of any of this. Louis has never talked about any of this. No one else has ever talked about any of this. These words put together have no meaning other than them sounding cool in Sea’s head

“Challenging the industry’s endgame isn’t something that industry tolerates lightly.”

And see, this is where we completely lose track of reality. Savan was talking about them wanting to write more and divide the voices in tracks and that sort of stuff. Louis was talking about wanting more songwriting credits. Neither of them (nor anyone else) talked about contracts and beyond 1D and terms and challenging the industry’s endgame

This is why I went into so much detail and was so nitpicky on what Savan said and what Louis said, because Larries/rads take “Louis wanted to write more and Savan didn’t have faith in him so Louis cuss him out” to “Louis pushed the whole band and made them open their eyes to the malice of the industry and it’s because of that he had to be PUNISHED”

“Sony knows One Direction was lightning in a bottle. They’ve tried numerous times to duplicate the boyband formula, but have failed. No one else is One Direction.”

Bullshit. I mean, One Direction was unique, and many (all labels, not just Sony) have tried to replicate the boyband success since them and failed (I’d argue that BTS is not that far off, selling out Wembley and all that), but Sony has seen success in a lot of other artists from a lot of other genres since 1D, they’re not bleeding without it

“Instead, Sony’s best bet (if they were going to lose 1D) was to shift the lightning to Harry Styles, with the help of Irving Azoff— an industry titan. It seems foolproof.”

Another conspiracy. Irving and Sony came together to push Harry. Bullshit. Harry nearly signed with UMG just before signing with Columbia. He had a major offer from Apple that pushed Columbia’s offer to be higher. What would Sony gain from partnering with Irving and pushing Harry as a solo mega star when they weren’t guaranteed to have him sign with them? More so, Columbia’s CEO was another guy when Harry met Jeff. Sony’s CEO was a different guy. There were shifts all over their boards. A label doesn’t take one of their biggest current acts (One Direction in 2013) and risk their current profit, making moves they wouldn’t otherwise make, in order to potentially get profit four years down the line

What Sea is saying here is that Harry was pushed as the front man of 1D in 2013 in order to have him as the breakout for Sony later. That’s not a strategy anyone with a brain would agree on. One Direction was selling FIVE MILLION ALBUMS A YEAR. Why would they mess around with that just to get a breakout star that they had no idea they’d even sign in the future?

Was Harry the frontman? Yes. Was there a push for it from within? Sure. But that’s not how this works. You know who was the frontman when 1D was formed? Liam

Look at the amount of solo shots he has, even a shirtless one..

These snapshots were taken on the same day, October 6th 2010

Liam had 5 thousand more followers than Harry, that’s 30% more. The reason is that Liam had already auditioned for the X Factor in 2009, and he’d made it through until bootcamp, where he was eliminated. When he came back in 2010, he was already sort of known, especially for the X Factor audience. The X Factor pushed him as the face of the band because of that

THAT is how it works. They pushed a frontman because it was convenient for the band AS IT WAS HAPPENING, not in an unknown potential future. For whatever reason, Harry took more with the public, and because the people running the show (and the labels) aren’t stupid, they went with it. Harry became the center of more photoshoots, and he started sitting next to the host in talk shows, and stuff like that. In that sense he was “pushed” but not because of some weird “he’ll be the breakout star” conspiracy

This is what you sound like

Every single band has that one more popular member with fans. Every label pushes that member more to the forefront when they notice. This has the effect of making that member even more popular, and on the circle goes. It has nothing to do with “future breakout star” conspiracies

“And it still may be. The way that Louis’ personal life has been slowly degraded over time, with negative media coverage, their portrayal of him as a cussing, drinking, fighting, partying, dissolute has-been who pines for his glory days,  is an image that even the fandom now believes. He’s required to constantly relive this image and bring up in interviews, the son he helped conceive in a moment of hard partying (whereas he’s been with Eleanor for seven years with 100% effective birth control).”

The fact that you believe you’re a fan of Louis’ is frankly, the worst insult you could hurl at him. We don’t see Louis like that, the world doesn’t see Louis like that. YOU may see him like that, but that’s where it ends. Niall cusses and drinks more than Louis. Liam parties more than Louis. I don’t think anyone particularly sees any of the 1D guys as beefers. No one sees him as a “has been” he’s twenty seven for fuck’s sake. He’s not pining for his glory days, he just liked being in One Direction

Who “in the fandom” believes that? And don’t bring up random haters because random haters believe Zayn is a meth addict and Liam is an idiot who can’t read. Random haters don’t represent “the fandom”, if you can even call 1D stans that anymore

What part of what you said is Louis “required to constantly relive” in interviews? What regurgitated version of his interviews did you consume? I could start guessing that you mean what he said during promo for Miss You about how he was partying to mask the pain of missing Eleanor, but that’s giving you too much credit, trying to decode the absolute bullshit that spouts off your fingers. Obviously that’s not what Louis said in Miss You promo, but I’m not even gonna try and guess, you decided already that Louis is being sabotaged, so you’re looking for it, and you’re gonna see it in the most innocuous of his interviews

“Sony couldn’t have done a better job if they tried. Harry, the star of their choosing, has fans rushing to defend him whenever the disparity in image and opportunity is even hinted at. Louies usually go quiet— because even pointing out this fact earns one the moniker of being a “Radical.””

All members have former 1D members have “fans rushing to defend” their faves when someone says one word seemingly negative about them. It’s called stan culture. You personally just receive more from Harries because he’s the only one you pick on, you absolute moron

And the words immediately after are proof of that “the disparity in image and opportunity is even hinted at” what disparity? There’s “disparity” among all of them, they all had different sets of opportunities because they have different goals and strategies. Harry’s goal wasn’t radio and chart single success, it was album and touring, so he and his team went for that (but you judged his success throuh radio and chart single success anyway, skewing his results, of course). Niall and Liam went for the former. Louis had an incredibly difficult time because his mother passed away right as he was starting his solo career, and he has the added difficulty of being the eldest of many siblings and having a child in a different country. Reducing his personal life issues as nothing but noise and pretending that Louis’ actual problems were, instead, artificially created by TPTB is incredibly demeaning for the strength of character Louis has shown and it pains me that he has “fans” like you

You’re called Radical because you believe in the conspiracy that Louis’ life has been manipulated and his opportunities cut short so Harry could have his chance. Aside from the fact that it’s an insulting thing to say because of all the reasons I described, how would it even make sense? Louis is Harry’s competition? If Louis is put down then Harry thrives? How? How does that work? Are they the only two people in the music industry? Is this Apple Music vs Spotify? If Irving and Sony quash Louis, Harry rises because he’s the only competitor left? Do you not think that if the music industry truly worked that way (putting one artist down to lift another up), which, let’s be very clear here it doesn’t and it never has, The Rolling Stones and The Beatles were both super successful at the same time… do you think that Louis would be Harry’s only rival to defeat? Or even just the other members of 1D? Where does that put fucking Ed Sheeran or Justin Bieber or Shawn Mendes or Charlie Puth or The Chainsmokers or Halsey or Ariana Grande or..

Harry, Louis, Niall, they’re white men. They’re not black women going into a business ruled by males. They’re not Cardi B and Nicki Minaj, having to dispute the entire audience for a black female rapper. White men make it in the industry all the time. The media will pit them against each other and so will fans because it’s fascinating to watch a rivalry, but more than one, two, three, ten, white males can make it at the same time. Go back to the Rolling Stones and Beatles example

“If there’s any doubt that Louis has been singled out, just look at who Simon Cowell keeps by his side, despite the fact that Louis was specifically mentioned by Savan as the pain in corporate’s ass.”

Back to this conspiracy. Savan didn’t “specifically mention” Louis as “a pain in corpirate’s ass”. Savan complained TO corporate that Louis was being a pain in HIS ass. His own specific ass. And “corporate” told Savan “kay then leave?”, then they hired someone else to do Savan’s job, and allowed Louis to write as much as his heart desired. How is this making any points for you? It’s actually the opposite! Yeah, Louis is Simon’s protege, which is a great position to have…??? And Louis has spoken plenty about how much he likes Simon??

“Who got to do America’s Got Talent? Who started an imprint under Syco?”

This is such a self drag. “Who got opportunities!!!” Uh, Louis..

“Who got Rusty Eslamifar and Simon Jones as a package?”

Louis hired them. His family is still close to Russell, and he still chooses Simon Jones, so.. another self drag

“Who had to do TXF for six months? Who sent out an email to fans about his girlfriend?”

Who has lots of siblings? Who has blue eyes? Who’s from Doncaster? Who doesn’t like avocado? Who - oh, sorry, I thought we were just naming random facts about Louis, yanno given the fact that none of what you’re describing is a problem for anyone other than fucking Larries

“Incidentally, the interaction between Simon and Louis on TXF was weird as hell, as were the interactions between Louis, Rob Stringer, and Simon at the Hollywood Walk of Fame. You could cut the strain with a knife, like two cats with the mouse they’re torturing while making it look like play.”

Are you like, okay? I mean, that’s a rhetorical question cuz I know you’re not but I mean… wow

“I think the band lost its chance when Sony executed its plan.”

Here you go back to the first sentence that you never explain, and you still… don’t explain it. What chance did they lose? They made five records that sold millions worldwide and they did two stadium tours. Zayn didn’t wanna continue, neither did Harry, so they stopped. Once again, I’m not even gonna try and guess what you’re implying here… Zayn leaving was a stunt? Harry wanting a break was Sony’s plan? God, who cares about anything you say? You’re a certified nutjob. You’re making conspiracies out of EVERYTHING. Why am I wasting my time?

“I don’t know what choice Harry had, but we are made to think that he’s hsppy with all of it. I think the way that his image rolled out shows us what they planned to do and what they promised him— with comparisons to The Beatles, Bowie, Prince, Freddie Mercury, Elvis— not lightweights lol.”

You’re doing that thing conspiracy theorists do where you act like what the media says about an artist or celebrity is all concocted by the “team”. Harry was not compared to any of those people by anyone in his team. That was the media

Like, this is my problem with everything Sea says, she just says it as if it’s a forgone conclusion but she doesn’t back any of it up with anything. She doesn’t elaborate her conspiracy theories, she just jumps to the conclusion as if it’s obvious, treats everyone that realizes how ridiculous what she’s saying is like an idiot (and patronizes anyone that dares question her thought process), but never actually explains why she’s reaching such conclusions

“The band lost its chance when Sony executed its plan” What chance? What plan? How did they execute it? You didn’t talk about any of that or define any of those terms in any part of the long ass text I just posted, and I would know because I’m reading it bit by bit. You vaguely said that Louis fought for more creative control (debunked), that Harry was pushed as the frontman so in the future he could be the breakout star (debunked), that Louis got punished (debunked), but you never connected any of those dots, so I’m left here having to debunk a theory that you didn’t present. I can debunk the individual dots that you presented, but since you don’t actually connect them I’m left scratching my head as to what you really mean, and I find myself in this position of saying “do you mean that…”

With this part in particular, I’m left asking myself, do you think Harry decided to leave 1D because he wanted to be compared to Bowie by NME magazine? Like, how… what?

“His sound is relatively unique in the market right now, and they are spending lots of money building Harry’s career, connecting him to Fleetwood Mac and so on.“

Because Niall’s sound is so mainstream, right? Because there’s no money being put into his or Liam’s careers, right? What’s “and so on”? What are they spending all this money you’re claiming on Harry’s career on? Are they bribing Fleetwood Mac? Did they buy him a spot inducting Stevie in the Hall Of Fame? Or maybe they bribed the Recording Academy to have Harry perform with them at Musicares last year (too bad they couldn’t use that money for an actual Grammy, I guess). You don’t ellaborate further, so what’s this “and so on”? Of course there’s money invested in Harry’s career.. That’s generally how it works. Labels put money upfront so the artists can get them more money back in return. How is Harry such an anomaly? What does Fleetwood Mac have to do with it? Gah, I hate you so much

“I think it’s complicated. Azoff and Stringer are people who hold all the power. I’m not sure if Harry turned them down, the boys would be any better off.”

If Harrry turned what down? Having a solo career? Because that’s what he has with “Azoff and Stringer”. So no, of course “the boys” wouldn’t be “better off” if he had turned a solo career down. His career has nothing to do with Liam or Niall Louis’. Once again, I’m here having to guess if I have to debunk something you didn’t (have the guts to) say

I have a feeling that in this long ass text, what you leave between the lines is that Harry was told “we’re gonna make you the breakout star” and he said “sure”. And something something 1D is over something something Louis is punished something something. But that’s impossible to debunk because you don’t present it. You don’t even say it in as many words, let alone explain how you think Sony pushed Harry to be the breakout star or how it affected 1D. You kind of just vaguely hint at a few things

Just so we’re clear, I could absolutely destroy every single one of those arguments if you presented them, it’s just that I can’t do that if you don’t even spell them out. And you don’t spell them out because this way you get to live in a limbo between Larrie and Rad, when you’re, in reality, just fully rad. As long as you don’t spell out your bullshit arguments, you can pass off as being a “critical Larrie” (which isn’t actually any better than being a rad in the real world non-conspiracists live in, but it’s slightly more popular in conspiracy land, and gets you less hate from your peers). If you spelled out these bullshit theories, you’d get a lot of hate from the cult you’re still a part of, so you just vaguely hint at them. You’re able to garner support from the Rad group (just look at the people reblogging this specific post), while not being subject of attacks from the Larrie group. I’d call you smart if I didn’t have evidence to your incredible lack of intelligence all spelled out in this very text

“TPTB are going to do what they want anyway— and find their next Harry Styles, or Shawn Mendes. It’s difficult. Trying to understand it, even if it threatens prevailing head canons and a happy ending, is valid— not radical. Being curious about the truth is the least one could do to speak up for Louis”

This conclusion has nothing to do with any part of this text. It is very, very radical to believe that Louis is being sabotaged in order for Harry to have a bigger career. You’re not curious about the truth, you’re absolutely twisting it to fit your conspiracies. And I can GUARANTEE YOU that Louis wants you far, far away from him and his music

[newx-menfan]

Part Two: Surge in Kyle and Yost

In Part One, I talked about Noriko’s background of being homeless and immigrating to America, and how her behaviors tie into that experience.

In particular, in DeFilippis and Weir we see Noriko becoming close the New Mutants, particularly with David before entering into a relationship with him. This is probably the first time Noriko’s opened up to someone, after running away from home.

…And then M-Day happens…

Several mutants lose their abilities;including Prodigy, Wind Dancer, and her mentor Dani Moonstar.

As much as Surge hates her abilities and wearing the gauntlets to control her abilities, (something she has so far never been able to find control for at Xavier’s…) she isn’t one of the students depowered.

* As much as Surge is blamed for the nasty break up between her and David; in her defense, David DID send mixed signals.

David shortly after does apply to Harvard (you absolutely CANNOT blame him). It’s revealed to Noriko by Julian; leaving Noriko to question if David wants to leave and is only staying there for HER benefit. It also opens up insecurities around Noriko being a burden to David or that she’s holding him back; something I stated previously in Part One is an issue with Noriko.

There’s also probably the fear that David may eventually resent her for staying; in many ways, I think a big part of Noriko being attracted to David was his initial kindness to her. While I DO also think she liked him for his intelligence and matching dry humor; I think David being one of the few people to express concern for her also contributed to it. So she may lose the one person who showed her kindness…

Emma orders the depowered students and staff to leave the institute; effectively removing one of the two adults that was reliably there for Noriko.

The depowered students are put on a bus, that is bombed by the Purifiers, killing all on board.

While David WASN’T onboard- he could have very easily been… So on top of Noriko’s fears around losing David or holding him back; she is also now been reminded that David is very clearly at risk. This would probably create EVEN MORE GUILT, because she sees David’s choice to stay being because OF HER. So if David DIES- in Noriko’s mind it will be all her fault.

* Noriko is then chosen by Emma Frost to be leader for the X-Men-in training team; she is chosen after Julian disobeys Emma’s direct orders to take out X-23.

This…. Is pretty dang terrible, in my opinion. Emma is essentially putting teens in danger by choosing an inexperienced leader all because she’s having a temper fit over Julian refusing to unfairly target another student. While Emma DOES give more reasoning to her choice of Surge as leader later: that she knew Noriko would ‘protect them’, it’s still pretty awful…

As I stated in Part One- Noriko had ZERO INTEREST in ever leading the New Mutants. For someone who struggles to open up or connect to others; leadership is REALLY difficult. She has neither the pragmatic tactile planning David has, the social skills Sofia has, or the ability to read opponents and teammates and manipulate the situation accordingly that Julian has.

Surge’s strength relies on personal responsibility and her strength as an individual. At this period in time, she’s probably the WORST CHOICE as team leader; since this kind of situation RELYS on the X-Men being able to work together to survive and closing ranks.

Surge’s responsibility is a bit of a hinderance; because everything that goes wrong, she will take too much to heart. While Emma justifies her choice as Nori will protect them because of her responsibleness; while Noriko DOES DO just that, it becomes a serious detriment to her own mental health. Through this series and afterwards, we slowly see Noriko breaking down as more and more students die; caving under the impossible responsibility given to her…

There’s more than likely also guilt there for feeling like she’s taking Sofia’s place. Through the beginning of this book we watch as Wind Dancer is essentially pushed away from her friends and the school. Noriko loses a the majority of her friends in a single swoop; more than likely Surge feels like she’s contributing to Sofia being removed and forgotten…

Julian of course doesn’t take this well; but in Julian’s defense- he is objectively the most qualified of the remaining students. Being asked to follow someone who doesn’t really KNOW what their doing; after you essentially HAVE been trained for this is HARD to swallow.

Noriko’s way of handling people initially is lashing out or giving orders, which really ISN’T going to work with the majority of people on this team. While she does eventually learn to work with people’s personalities and skill sets, and how to unite this team; in the beginning…they are a mess. Half the team is turning to Julian for leadership, Julian is heavily supporting that situation, and Josh (really the only ally Noriko has on this team) is lashing out at everyone at this period of time. Laura has NO real social skills and while she has been trained to take orders no questions asked by the facility; she’s also been heavily trained for solo missions and limited to gaining any attachment towards anyone around her- so Laura’s not all that reliable a teammate either.

Even after Noriko kind of gets the team together- you still have people doing their own thing; the biggest example is ‘Mercury Falling’- Cessily and Laura go get coffee despite restrictions and without telling Surge. Then when Cessily is kidnapped, Hellion and Laura go to search for her without telling Surge. At this kind of time period, the WORST thing to have is people acting like individuals; this isn’t Noriko’s fault since A LOT of people on this team are individualistic but you need a team leader who will tackle this issue head on immediately. A great example for this is Social Identity in the Military: for the beginning individuality is stripped away to instead foster functionality, discipline, and uniformity. This is done because one wrong decision can put everyone in danger and because community is detriment to survival in extreme situations. Noriko, who is very individualistic herself and fights against uniformity-struggles to understand that. Similar to Wind Dancer; Noriko is at times also reliant on David’s more tactical based leadership. This can be a positive, in the fact that David’s decision making comes more from logic than emotions, with David usually better at detaching himself from him own emotions when making decisions (the only exception being Nori sacrificing herself to bring down Nimrod). This is a detriment, because Noriko is essentially stifling her from developing her own style of leadership. It also is perpetuating EVEN more reliance on her relationship with David and causing her more guilt around David staying at Xavier’s; this will eventually become a major problem during ‘The Quest for Magik’.

The moment that really ends up bonding this team together is the battle with Nimrod. It’s essentially the first time when everyone is in agreement to go to protect Forge. Noriko is forced to utilize everyone (Julian’s TK to get the plane out, David’s knowledge of the Mansion and to somewhat fly the plane, X-23’s healing factor, Mercury’s imperviousness towards electricity, ect…); and while rough around the edges, they succeed because everyone is watching the others backs.

it also marks Surge’s slow decline in her trust in Cyclops; someone we saw she could open up to in Academy X about her roommate problem and usage of her gauntlets. This will continue to deteriorate more and more through this series until Messiah Complex, where Surge is shown having zero trust in Cyclops as a leader or confidant.

There is mutiple studies that have shown groups who collectively experience trauma tend to form stronger social bonds and become more cohesive. In many ways, this is 100% part of the New X-Men’s story.

No matter how much Noriko and Julian hated each other- they weirdly become friends and heavily support one another after because of this experience. In many ways I’d argue Julian develops a respect towards Surge and her tackling leadership in a very extreme time; which is why Julian for the most part after accepts Noriko as leader and supports her decisions. A huge example of this is in X-Force vol. 3- when Julian funnels Noriko’s blast after being injected with the legacy virus, and both Julian and Noriko protecting Josh when he was injured.

after Cessily’s rescue; All the X-Kids minus Surge and Hellion are transported to Limbo. Just before we see Nori yelling at Julian; her fear that Laura or him could have died coming up. We see just how much leadership is starting to take a toll on Nori. That fear becomes worse when Trance informs her what happened.

Surge is also informed that David is dead; HER WORST FEAR. She ends up threatening O*N*E* troopers and using her electric abilities essentially as a defibrillator on Amanda Sefton to find a way to Limbo.

*It’s strange to me how people DON’T take ‘the Quest For Magik’ in account for Surge’s actions in her break up with David. Here you have someone who went under numerous trauma, even BEFORE M-Day; essentially COMING extremely close to losing the only person she is close to.

Surge ISN’T just reliant on him as a romantic partner either; she has also essentially made him co-leader and only confidant. While Julian weirdly becomes a little bit of an ally as well; it’s mainly David that Surge opens up to.

Prodigy is really Surge’s only friend on the team, since Josh has been going through his own trauma; while that again changes mid way as she become closer to Julian- it’s still David who she relies on.

While fighting her way through Limbo, we see Nori becoming emotional and increasingly more and more erratic.

Surge finds out what happened to David after escaping out of Limbo from X-23, who doesn’t have the social skills to know telling Noriko the nitty gritty details of David’s ALMOST death…probably isn’t a good idea… Keep in mind, David got his HEART ripped out, so hearing the details of that would be traumatic or triggering…

In Noriko’s mind this IS HER FAULT. David stayed because of HER, in her mind, despite being human and she subtly encouraged it for her own needs.

*Again from Part One, Noriko lashes out as a coping mechanism to avoid being hurt. Instead of having to down the road of eventually watching David horribly die: she chooses to hurt him so bad to get him to leave.

She does this by kissing Julian; someone who heavily bullied David and who David hates.

Noriko’s choice of Julian is also REALLY interesting, because in many ways Julian has slowly been replacing David as her co-leader/confidant. Essentially both her relationships with David and Julian are used as Noriko’s way to cope with the stress and responsibility, along with her own trauma. While she did choose Julian because she knew he was the person who’d hurt David THE MOST, it also seems like Noriko is replacing one reliant relationship for another.

It also opens the question if Noriko was ever attracted to Julian; which has been heavily debated by fans, and opens up an interesting interpretation of her appearance in Liu’s X-23 solo…

David starts to pack up before deciding to confront Surge; with Noriko continuing to insist she doesn’t love him and begging him to leave the institute. Julian then chooses that moment to go check on Noriko; leading to a physical altercation between him and David. It’s then revealed that David has decided to stay at the mansion and regained previous knowledge he lost with help from the Cuckoos.

Obviously, Noriko and David break up.

*During the Messiah Complex, we see Prodigy and Surge still in an awkward place; with David and her disagreeing over whether or not to go after the Purifiers.

We also see Noriko done with both Cyclops and Xavier’s leadership; essentially lashing out at the adults. Noriko is back to feeling like she cannot rely on the adults around her, similar to her father and when she first came to the institute.

The choice to go after the Purifiers ALSO goes badly, with Julian getting mortally wounded right in front of Surge because of HER push to go after the Purifiers. So besides David almost dying and their bad breakup, she now almost lost the person she’s somewhat using as David’s replacement as co-leader.

Unsurprisingly, Noriko isn’t doing well after the dissolution of the X-Men; which I will get into in Part Three…

While I fully agree Surge treated David badly; it’s understandable why she did what she did. For someone WHO already had issues getting close to people, limited coping mechanisms, and inability to emotionally open up; the build up of circumstances around David losing his abilities and then almost dying in a horrible way- it makes sense Noriko would lash out this way. Add the responsibility of leadership that Surge NEVER WANTED IN THE FIRST PLACE, at the WORST POSSIBLE EVENT that has probably happened to the X-Men; and it’s kind of amazing Surge avoided having a breakdown sooner…

As for Surge’s leadership, which is oftentimes criticized; the important thing to remember is Noriko NEVER WANTED TO LEAD IN THE FIRST PLACE. Nor did she have as much training for it as the others. Emma essentially drops her in the role of leader, and then leaves her to sink or swim; providing her NO HELP. Noriko did the best she could despite not being a personality skilled for leadership and having her own trauma affecting her ability TO lead. Noriko learns through it, effectively becoming a decent leader at the end, despite taking everything that happens as her fault.

(Part Three will include all sources and go into Surge written under other writers- it will be released sometime next week: More than likely next Tuesday!…)

[footballerindreams]

When Accidents Happen, They Happen - Chapter 7

Get ready to be shookt...

Cc: @quack-and-yellow

Julian’s POV

I held my promise to support Mia while she’s pregnant. If ever I have the free time, I always take the chance to visit and go with her especially when Niklas is not around due to his trainings and games outside the country. Whether it will be shopping for some baby needs or accompanying her to her parenthood class, I was there. It was even awkward for me because most of the couples in the class are looking at us, either sweetly, or some with disappointment. Sometimes I could overhear other say that me and Mia look cute being together. Some say that we are too young to start a family, especially there are some dad’s in class who are fans of football. Others, mostly the mothers who go alone on the class would say, “How I wish I have a boyfriend like him” or “how I wish my husband is like him.” And I feel embarrassed.

“You should take is as a compliment.” Mia said smiling while rubbing is big protruding tummy in a maternity dress. We are walking by the sidewalk looking for a place to eat. Looking at Mia, I am still amazed, though I regret that it is an accident, that I am capable of making a child, and how it grows inside a woman’s body to the point it turns me on.

What the heck Julian Brandt! She is your friend! You’ve done the nasty to her! Don’t you ever dare add another one! I thought to myself.

“What’s the matter, Jule?” Mia asked and I shook my head rather harshly.

“No. It’s nothing.”

“Okay. Anyway, can we eat here?” Mia points at the pastry shop just in front of us.

“Mia, I don’t think it’s right for you to be eating such sweets.” I commented.

“And why do you stop me from eating what I want?! I’m the pregnant one here. I eat what I my baby says I will eat.” Mia retaliated. Gosh. These women when they are pregnant are more dominant. I could not even imagine the things she is doing to his boyfriend.

---

The next time I visited, Jannis was with me. He got bored of routine things he was doing back at home and school and decided so suddenly to get away with all of it. He was also curious who I am visiting in Berlin recently.

We arrived at Mia’s house in the afternoon. We knocked on the door and I was not expecting a particular someone to open the door for us.

“Oh hey Jule! And you brought Jannis with you!” Niklas greets as he opens the door for us.

“You’re here. I thought you have a Europa League game.” I replied.

“Coach didn’t let me because I got a knock during the last game and he said that I should rest. Well, this will be fun. Davie will be here soon. He’s still out due to injury so he stays too. Anyway, come on in.” Niklas said.

When I and my brother entered, Mia suddenly walk swiftly to us.

“Oh my gosh you’re here!” She said. “And…Jannis!!!” she yells.

My little brother gave her a shy wave and smile but Mia hugged her and sniffed his neck.

“Mmmm you smell so good.” And I just saw my brother blush. Redder than usual.

“Uhm…Thanks…” Jannis replied.

While waiting for Davie, me and Niklas decided to play a round of FIFA.

To be honest, I am not comfortable of my situation. I look at Niklas and I could never imagine how he will treat me if he knows that I am the real father of the child his girlfriend carries and keeping it a secret from him is even more nerve wracking. And I look to my other side and see Mia almost clinging to my brother. I have never seen my brother as red as he is.

“You know Jannis, you’re so cute.” Mia compliments him, almost flirting and my brother just smiles.

What really tick my patience a bit is when Mia puts her head on Jannis shoulders and sniffs him again then puts her hand on his thigh.

“Uh-Uhm, Mia?” Jannis speaks but Mia clings herself more.

“How I wish my son will be as good natured and innocent as you.” Mia said.

“He’s not innocent, you know.” I said.

“Hey!” And Jannis retaliated.

I tried to understand Mia. A lot of people say that pregnant women tend to cling on people they want their children grow up to be. But still…

I just sighed and went on with this “situation”.

---

Niklas POV

Expect Davie to come by an hour after he said “he’s on his way”. He is my friend but, if there is one attitude that I don’t like about him is his tardiness. I don’t know how he lives with it. It didn’t even had an effect for him when he was left out by the bus one time when we went for an away game. He was not permitted to follow and worst, he was reprimanded when we got back (adding to the fact that the team lost and coach was in a bad mood. Davie got it hard.)

He comes in with take outs in his hand.

“Sorry if I took too long.” he apologized.

“I wouldn’t be surprised Dav.”I said sarcastically.

“Mitch took a while to fix himself.” And Mitchell looked surprised at Davie for blaming him. “Excuse me. I went to your house and you’re still sleeping.”

“I would believe Mitch.” I replied.

“Me too.” Julian added. And Davie just sighed.

“Davieeee!” Mia yelled and ran towards him and hugged him.

“Umph. H-hey, Mia.” Davie greeted almost dropping the food he brought.

“Let me take that. Jannis, help me out.” Julian offered and got the food.

“You look good Mia.” Davie complimented and Mia giggled.

---

We sat on the table eating everything we prepared and what Davie brought. The food was great, but the view in front of me was not. For some reason I’m starting to get pissed with Davie. He seem to like that my girlfriend us clinging to him adding to that was the fact that Jannis was on her other side and still Mia “flirts” with him. Good thing Mitch was busy talking to Julian. I don’t need another guy rubbing himself to my girlfriend.

“Oh Davie.” Mia says as she rubs her hands along Davie’s arms. “How I wish my son would grow up as muscular as you.” She adds.

Davie grinned back at her and said proudly “If you keep your promise that I will be his godfather, I will train him to become one.”

“Oh great.” I commented.

---

“You know, you’re a bit handsy and touchy lately.” I said as me and Mia prepare ourselves to sleep.

“You’re jealous.” She said and I was caught off guard.

“Wh-what?! NO! How could you even say that?” I replied back.

“I know you Niklas Stark. We been together for so long for me to know you that well.”

I sighed and gave up. “Okay. A bit. Davie might be my friend but the way he treats you is like he’s flirting back with you. Not to mention Julian’s brother too.”

“Oh my God. Even Jannis? The poor kid.” She held my hand and rubs her thumb to it. “Listen, Davie and Jannis are like brothers to me. And you know how much I love you. You don’t have to worry, okay?” she asked and I nod my head and she pecked her lips with mine.

“Shall we go to bed? Baby Stark is now complaining. He wants to sleep.” She offered.

---

Julian’s POV

I was driving my car from the airport and are on our way back to our home.

“You seem very silent.” Jannis asked.

“I’m fine.” I replied.

“No you’re not.” Jannis replied and I looked at him. “Something’s bothering you. I know.” He added and I sighed.

“You should never flirt with her.” I said.

“I wasn’t. And wait…Are you? Are you jealous?”

“N-no! I’m just telling you because Mia has a boyfriend and I don’t want you to get into trouble and drag me to it.”

“Don’t worry. I’m not. And you shouldn’t too.”

“What?! Of course I am not.”

“Then why do you always go to Berlin? So that you could see her? You like her don’t you?”

“It’s complicated and because I made a promise to her as a friend that I want to fulfill. And no, I don’t like her.”

“Can you please stop denying it? I can see it in your eyes. The way you look at her. She’s special.”

“Can we please not talk about this?” I asked Jannis.

“Nope. Until you tell me what you are hiding.

I continued driving on the road keeping my thoughts to myself. It’s still complicated to explain to Jannis. It’s not right yet for him to know.

We stopped by a gas station and I was picking  for my card on my wallet to swipe to the gas machine. I didn’t notice something fell until Jannis called for me.

“Jule?” He looks worried. “What is this?” lifting up a photo.

It was the ultrasound picture of Mia’s baby.

[czernynoaah-a-blog]

Henry Winter decided that residing in death did not suit him at all. Word count: 1.4k

               After an adventurous series of events, human beings tend to think nothing else can come around and surprise them more, take their breath away, make them feel like they once felt, adrenaline pulling their heartstrings with a violence that allowed their bodies to move. His life story, before being on paper, seemed something completely distant, like he was a mere spectator in the wrong place at the wrong time. And yet, in that moment, as he laid the computer on his bedside table with the last words hanging in his mind, all the feelings arrived rushing in and creating a headache that didn’t seem to wish to leave.

               Richard pondered for a few minutes, if it was really necessary to move and actually do something about it or if it would just go away on its own. Since the pain continued on growing, restless and unnerving, he would finally get up to grab some pills from the bathroom. The late hours made his apartment an eerie place, too silent for his taste, no neighbours talking on the corridors, no birds chirping happily outside, just him and the static sound of the fridge.

               However, as he crossed the living room to reach the pretended room, there was a soft knock on the front door. His eyes darted instantly to the clock marking a red-coloured flashing hour of 3am. Richard would stop on his tracks, allowing silence to fall once more in the house. There was another knock on the door, this time a bit more alarming and quick. His eyes were fixed on the black-wooden door, paralysed by the many unsettling thoughts that ran, fast-paced, in his mind. He noticed his hand trembling as he reached for the doorknob and opened it slightly revealing the late night intruder.

               Eyes widened, steps were taken backwards and from the way his legs were shaking he wasn’t really sure of how had he not fallen on the ground in that very instant. The figure would enter the room, the lighting of the room finally illuminating the silhouette. The frames were not the same, these ones were darker and slightly rounder, features were much more sharp and accentuated and so were the bangs under the eyes, the dark brown suit was tailored perfectly for the shape of the body, matching with a dusky red tie. Nonetheless, his hair rested perfectly combed and the dark blue expressionless gaze were the last confirmation of his identity.

               "Cubitum Eamus ?“ said the familiar voice, soft, stoic, just like when they had first met all those years ago. Richard stayed motionless, staring, completely dumb folded. This could only be a trick of his mind, it was just one of those recurrent delusions that always brought Henry back to life, that always brought all those memories with him, the twins, Francis and Bunny sitting in the porch of the old house drinking martinis and reciting the stories they never got tired of. Richard did not notice he was crying, until he felt the warmth of the tears falling on his cheeks. "You are not real.” He wasn’t really sure why he replied in Greek but it sounded different, broken, maybe because he hadn’t used it in a while. “This is not real.”

               "I am sure you hold a lot of questions, Richard, especially about your sanity, but I can assure you I am very real.“ And it seemed that to prove that, he took a cigarette from his pocket. "Can I borrow your lighter I forgot mine in the car.”

               It took him a few seconds to move towards the table beside the sofa and pick the item. When he extended his arm to give Henry what he desired, glances locked together. Henry was right, there were too many questions unanswered floating on that mind of his, but some were as simple as “How ? Why?” his voice was just a whisper in between  a sob. Why did he suddenly appear right after he finished writing the events of a lifetime. Why now after all those years of mourning, drunk nights clinging to what was real and what was not. Suddenly his thoughts went to Camilla and the last time they saw each other. “I can’t help it, I still love him.” Words that replayed over and over in the late night hours when he was not able to close his eyes and dream.

               While Richard was lost in his own confusion, Henry had moved to the bathroom to get some tissues and an aspirin. He gave them to Richard before finally lighting up his cigarette and taking a long drag. “Have you visited Camilla?” Another question accumulated with the previous ones as he tried to make some sense of the entire situation. “No.” His gaze adverted to the open window that allowed the entrance of a soft breeze in the room. “I wanted to come to you first so we both can go. I also wanted to go and grab Francis along the way, if you don’t mind.”

               "Francis almost killed himself… he-he had to marry some random girl to keep his fortune.“ The idea that his friend had to live imprisoned in a relationship he absolutely despised made his stomach flip. Francis refused to invite them to the marriage and, apparently, he ended the day in the hospital with an alcohol intoxication. "I don’t really know how he’ll react when he sees you.”

               Henry swiftly moved to sit on the couch as Richard went to the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water. “I’m sure he’ll be taken by surprise, but i’m sure it will bring him a lot of joy as well. And to answer your previous questions.” Richard heard him say. “I have acquaintances with some people from the hospital and the morgue. Also with very little skills one can fake a bullet to the head. I just hoped Camilla wouldn’t take me in her arms.” When he arrived once again to the living room, the other boy was at the window allowing the ashes of the cigarette to fall in the blowing wind. Facing the outside, he looked exactly the same, the walking mystery of Hampden College. “Besides, we had to take our minds of the entire Bunny situation.” Words were said with such disregard in his voice, it actually brought a shiver down Richard’ spine.

               Everything still felt out of place, his chest empty, a void of numb feelings. Maybe it was because of the hours that the clock introduced, unfriendly and hollow, or maybe because the figure that was in his house was just a past ghost, a few moments ago. Richard felt like he was twenty-one again and had just entered the class of Greek for the first time, he was just waiting for Julian to suddenly knock on the door as well. And that was the thought that prompted the next question. “Have you been to Julian’s ?”

               He knew he had hit a soft spot when Henry turned around to face him, his voice completely out of sentiment, or at least that was what he thought. “Do you think I should? He’s the only person that I’m intrigued to know the reaction of.. I’m sure he’d just take me back to the land of the dead. You should have warned me about the letter, Richard. You really should have.”

               Blinking his eyes for a few times Richard stared at him, bewildered. “ We tried ! You just didn’t pick the damn phone and then it was too late.” His voice was louder than he wished, but that moment made his blood feverish inside his body. No one was to blame, they would never guess Bunny would be courageous enough to send such letter to Julian, and obviously, he was intrigued by his words. It was a mess that could have been easily avoided but it wasn’t… at all.

               “Well, it doesn’t matter anymore. Go get ready we need to leave soon.”Richard stayed still for a while. Henry had just entered his house, given him simple answers and now wanted to travel with him just for the good old times, it sounded crazy, something completely out of a movie, refusable. With a sigh, Richard packed only simple items he needed, put on one of his old suits and left the house without looking back.

[mordoriscalling]

The Shrike and the Lark (pt. 7)

Jaskier and Renfri are disaster twins ruling Creyden. When the Warlord of the North knocks at their door, Queen Renfri and King Julian are at an advantage - they know him. As in, they know him. (Inspired by the Warlord AU and “the heart is a winged beast”).

(Pt. 1) (Pt. 2) (Pt. 3) (Pt. 4) (Pt. 5) (Pt. 6)

Credyen, 1237

Queen Renfri is stunning even at the brink of death. The expression on her lovely face is peaceful as she lies in her bed. Although her skin is sickly pale – almost white as bone – her beauty is still striking. Now even more so than usual, perhaps, if one knows how bravely she fights for her life in the state of unconsciousness, her every small breath being a great victory.

Six sets of eyes gaze upon her as she wages the crucial, silent battle. First, there is her brother, who sits in a chair at her bedside, holding one of her hands. His thumb brushes over her pulse point, and he observes her chest move with single-minded focus, as if her each inhale was his only permission to draw air for himself.

Apart from King Julian, there are three more men in the chamber: the Warlord, his right had Eskel and the royal healer Lem. The elf has just finished tending to the Queen’s wound, with the assistance of the mage Triss Merigold, who was called here because of her renowned skill in healing. Yet, even she, combining her efforts with Lem, could not stop the bleeding entirely. The bandages wound around Queen Renfri’s right collar bone are very slowly turning red in colour.

“I’m afraid the injury is too grave,” the elf healer says, “for us to be sure of Her Majesty’s survival.”

Bleak silence answers him. Triss Merigold and Lady Yennefer, present in the room as well, only nod at him. The sorceresses share looks of concern with the two witchers but no one speaks, waiting for the King’s orders.

The world does not seem to exist to King Julian. It is only when Eskel calls his name two times, loudly, that he jerks in his seat as if snapping from a trance. His gaze – hazy with tears, sorrowful, haunted – sweeps around his surroundings, finally noticing others.

“Thank you, Lem,” he whispers hoarsely. “And thank you, Triss Merigold.” The curly-haired mage inclines her head. “You have my most sincere thanks as well, Lady Yennefer,” he adds.

The roughness of the King's voice is a result of how he’s strained his vocal cords. When he discovered the state which sister was in, it drove him into a frenzy. So crazed was he with fear and worry that he refused to let her out of his embrace. As he howled in despair, chanting the words “Hiacynt, no!”, time was running out. There was no access to the Queen and thus, the King had to be dragged away and restrained by his lover. Eskel gripped him tight but King Julian kept trying to writhe out of the witcher’s strong arms. All the while, he screamed.

His frantic wails for Renfri nearly made the windows rattle. The sheer noise was distracting the healers from their work and eventually, the Warlord stepped in. Gripping King Julian by the shoulders, the White Wolf growled, “Stop! Stop this, or I’ll have to Axii you!”

The King shook his head, tears streaming down his face. He shifted his attention away from the witcher, towards the bed where his sister was surrounded by people trying to save her, but the White Wolf stood in the way, blocking the view.

“Don’t look, Jaskier,” he commanded sternly.

“I can’t,” Jaskier gasped out through the tears, “I can’t, Geralt, I can’t, I must see if she’s –”

Geralt grabbed a fistful of his hair, directing Jaskier’s gaze straight at his own face. “Focus on me,” he ordered.

Jaskier looked him in the eye and began crying in earnest. They stared at each other as violent sobs shook Jaskier’s frame. Slowly, his body relaxed into Eskel’s hold, and Geralt took his hand away. Eventually, Jaskier turned in his lover’s arms, weeping into the crook of the witcher’s neck. Eskel released him only when the healers stepped away from Queen Renfri.

Now, not more than half an hour later, here they are.

“There isn’t much to thank for,” Lady Yennefer replies grimly, “My magic didn’t work on her.”

No magic, in fact, has ever worked on the Queen. This includes healing magic. When Triss Merigold and Lady Yennefer joined forces to repair the Queen’s damaged artery, their endeavours were in vain. The haemorrhage could only be lessened in the traditional ways.

“Still,” King Julian insists, “I dread to think what would’ve happened had it not been for your assistance.”

Lady Yennefer’s help did prove invaluable. As soon as the Warlord realised that the Queen was severely wounded, he contacted the purple-eyed sorceress through xenvox, a device he always carries on his person. The mage came to the rescue immediately, portalling Queen Renfri and the rest of the hunting party back to the castle. The healer was called and Lady Yennefer brought Triss Merigold from Kaer Morhen. When King Julian appeared, Triss, Lem and Yennefer were already trying to stop the bleeding. If it had not been for the Warlord’s and Lady Yennefer’s swift action, the outcome of the hunt would have been tragically different.

Not that the fate of the Queen is decided yet, of course.

The King turns his gaze back to his sister. Lem interprets this as dismissal and leaves the chamber, so does Triss Merigold. Lady Yennefer follows soon after. The White Wolf chooses to linger, watching as Eskel approaches the King and grasps the monarch’s chin with his fingers, tilting his face so that they look each other in the eye.

“Lark,” he murmurs, “What do you need?”

For the first time since the King saw his sister near-dead, his face brightens.

“My wonder Wolf,” he coos. “I need a drink. Lots of it. And my lute.”

“I’ll see to it,” Eskel promises.

King Julian smiles, taking his lover’s palm in his own and laying a kiss upon the witcher’s wrist. “I shall write you the grandest ballad,” he vows, “After this... ends.”

Eskel chuckles fondly but does not reply. Instead, he just takes his leave, stopping momentarily upon witnessing the White Wolf’s stormy expression. The white-haired witcher composes himself quickly, though, and even squeezes his brother’s arm in as Eskel is on his way out.

Silence falls again in the chamber. King Julian traces the Queen’s pulse point with his thumb. The Warlord takes a seat by the door. They say nothing.

“You and Renfri hold hands often,” the White Wolf observes after a while.

King Julian nods, not sparing him a glance. “It’s something we’ve never... grown out of. We used to do this all the time as children.” He swallows thickly. “When I hold her hand, I know she’s there. Her presence keeps me from shattering into pieces. So much in our lives has fallen apart already.”

The Warlord has nothing to say to that. Grim hush reigns in the bedroom once more, the witcher and the monarch regarding Queen Renfri closely.

“I could’ve killed her,” the White Wolf confesses, apropos of nothing. “Back in Blaviken. I was ready to kill her and now... she almost died because of me.”

“Do not burden yourself with guilt, my Lord,” the King reassures him, “This is not your fault.”  

“You truly don’t blame me?” he inquires. The monarch denies this with a shake of his head. “Why?”

“I’m afraid the reason for it is a sentiment you don’t wish to speak of,” King Julian replies.

Before the conversation can continue, a servant brings a pitcher of wine. Soon after, Eskel reappears, carrying the King’s lute.

And so, the waiting begins.

The whole castle seems to hold a breath. Hours drag as everybody waits for news. For the first day, the Queen does not regain consciousness. Some healing potions are carefully poured down her throat by Lem and Triss Merigold, and her injury is tended to by them as well. Her state improves slightly, and her pulse becomes a little stronger.

She is still far from truly saved, however.

The whole court is anxious – and so are the guests of Kaer Morhen – as they are trapped in the uncertainty. The Queen’s brother seems to be affected the most: he often weeps, hardly eats, only drinks alcohol, and has not slept through the night, instead just lay next to his sister with her hand in his. He refuses to leave the chamber, sitting at her bedside and singing and playing to her, though it is not likely that she hears a thing. Eskel often accompanies him, but he is not there all of the time because his obligations call him away, especially that his lord has ceased to fulfil most of his own duties.

Warlord of the North appears equally stricken as King Julian. He, too, does not leave the Queen’s bedroom, keeping watch from his seat by the door. The White Wolf and King Julian do not talk a lot; sometimes the monarch only asks the witcher to tell him how his sister’s heartbeat sounds.

On the second day of Queen Renri’s affliction, an infection develops in the wound. She starts suffering from a high fever to the point when her shivers force her into consciousness, though she is too delirious to make sense of her surroundings. The healers try to bring down the fever with potions but the results are mediocre. Only the poppy tea she is given works as it should, lulling her to sleep.

On the third day, the fever does not lessen, and the infection only worsens. The people in the castle become grim, spreading dark predictions about what awaits. Courtiers come by the Queen’s chambers at all times of the day, inquiring about her well-being. The royal guards, who keep watch outside the door, inform everyone to the best of their ability, though not much is known.

Since the hunt, King Julian has barely slept, while the Warlord does not seem to have had any rest at all. Yet, they both do not stray from the Queen’s chamber. The White Wolf often approaches the bed and touches his hand to Queen Renfri’s skin to check her body temperature.

On the morning of the fourth day, when the witcher does that for the umpteenth time, King Julian remarks, “You care about her.”

The statement is met with no refusal. “As much as I’d care for anyone willing to sacrifice their life for me,” the Warlord answers.

“Is it only that, Geralt?” the King presses.

The question is not unfounded. During the time the White Wolf and his entourage have been staying in the castle, Queen Renfri has been the only one of the Creyden court with whom the Warlord speaks at length. The two have talked during meals, sparred together and in general treated each other at least like good friends would.

“I know you two were... intimate. Which is hilarious, by the way,” Julian adds, then bursts into giggles.

“Jaskier,” Geralt growls in warning, “Don’t fucking mention it now.”

Jaskier’s chuckles turn into a hysterical laugh, with a manic edge.

“How can you laugh?” the witcher demands, disgusted.

“What else can I do?!” Jaskier cries. “I have no tears in me left! In the very same woods that she was supposed to die the first time... The very same woods!” His voice is loud and high-pitched. “Nearly bled out, in the place where her heart was supposed to be carved out of her chest! Oh, gods!”

He ends his speech abruptly. Jaskier’s body goes rigid as he sits in the chair. He gasps for air but seems unable to truly take a breath. Geralt, seeing his distress, rushes to his side.

“Easy,” the witcher murmurs.

He lays a hand on Jaskier’s nape to ground him and begins instructing Jaskier to inhale and exhale. The deep rumble of Geralt’s voice seems to comfort him and gradually, Jaskier’s breathing steadies. When Jaskier calms, however, Geralt does not step away. In fact, he inches closer, and his palm slowly moves from the back of Jaskier’s neck to the front. Jaskier shivers at the caress, his eyes fluttering shut. Geralt watches the reaction with hunger in his gaze and starts stroking the skin of Jaskier’s throat with his fingers. The touch causes Jaskier to shudder and release a small moan.

“How I missed your touch, my Lord,” he whispers, leaning into Geralt’s hand.

The words are laden with so much yearning that it seems to startle them both. King Julian’s eyes snap open, wide in shock. The White Wolf withdraws his hand abruptly, then walks back to his post by the door without sparing the monarch a glance.

“She is important,” he only says.  

Just as the King wants to reply, Lady Yennefer enters the room. She greets the monarch with a quick curtsy, then stands before the Warlord, who sits in his chair.

“Go to sleep,” the sorceress tells him. “We can’t afford to have you half-dead from exhaustion.”

The Warlord presses his face to her lower stomach. “Yen,” he mumbles into her skirts, tired but defiant.

“You stubborn oaf,” she chides, though her tone is gentle. She cradles the witcher’s face in her palms and lifts it so that they look each other in the eye. “Go. I shall stay here in your stead. If anything changes, you’ll be the first to know.”

The White Wolf relents, releasing a heavy sigh. Lady Yennefer chuckles and kisses him on the forehead, earning herself a pleased hum from the witcher. He pecks her on the cheek before leaving.

All the while, King Julian observes the moment of intimacy with a scowl.

The Warlord does not come back for the rest of the day. Lady Yennefer, having replaced him in the role of Her Majesty’s watchman until his return, tends to Queen Renfri unprompted. The sorceress changes the wet cloth on her forehead frequently, which the King allows out of sheer surprise. The monarch appears astonished every time the formidable mage turns into a diligent caretaker. His astonishment only grows when, on one occasion, Lady Yennefer’s fingers wander into the Queen’s locks. The caress is tentative, almost tender, albeit short-lived; the sorceress quickly withdraws her hand, remembering herself.

When King Julian wants to comment on this behaviour, her lightning-like gaze on him has him thinking better of it.

In the afternoon, Eskel comes to see how the Queen and the King fare. Seeing his lover’s tiredness, he tries to do the same as Lady Yennefer – coax one of the Queen’s constant watchmen away from her bedside – but he does not succeed as she did. His arguments convincing King Julian to go change, bathe, and take a walk to clear his head, are met with hard refusal. Eskel is not deterred, however. In the span of the next few hours, he attempts to persuade the King to leave for a bit for his own good. The witcher’s gentle but persistent coaxing agitates him more and more until in the evening, he finally loses his temper.

“I said,” he roars, “I won’t leave her!”

The bellow is like a force of uncontained, menacing horror – the red, raw power of a forest fire combined with the terror of a city under siege. It leaves ringing silence in its wake as Eskel and Lady Yennefer stare at King Julian in shock; the sound the King made seemed inhuman.

“I... Forgive me, Eskel, please, I –” the monarch stammers, “I –”

He does not manage to utter a word more, tongue-tied in the anxiety of waiting for the witcher’s response. Eskel frowns but does not appear insulted or alarmed.

“Sometimes, when you play and sing to me in the evenings,” he says, his tone calm, “You look at me as though you could see right into me, and I wonder what manner of creature you are.” He regards his lover with caution. “I knew there’s much more to than you allow the world to witness, yet I’ve underestimated just how much.”

“Please don’t think ill of me,” the King pleads, “Please don’t think me a monster. I couldn’t bear it.”

“Monster is not an insult in my view,” the witcher replies. “Don’t fret, I don’t think I’m able to hold a negative opinion of you. I simply think...” he trails off, then shakes his head. “No matter. We’ll discuss it after your sister gets better,” he decides. “This is no time for this conversation.”

The matter is left at that for, indeed, far greater worries soon arise. The fever tormenting the Queen turns rampant, making her writhe in her bed in a state of delirium. The infection in her wound has developed into sepsis.

On the fifth day since the hunting accident, Queen Renfri is in agony.

Lem, Triss Merigold and Lady Yennefer frantically try to find a solution that would save Her Majesty. Yet again, no magical ways yield any result, and neither does any medication. As the last resort, Triss suggests using a witcher potion. A droplet Swallow, she argues, could restore the Queen back to health, though her body may as well not be able to handle the elixir. It would be highly risky but there are no other options at this point. Thus, they ask King Julian for permission to treat Queen Renfri with Swallow.

“Just end her suffering,” is the King’s only answer.

Grief has driven him to numbness. It is with the sorrowful resignation – with death in his own eyes – that he watches the healers give his sister the witcher potion. There is no light in his gaze as he sees her body still completely. She seems to have died and only one tear rolls down his cheek.

Then, the tide is turned. Her breathing resumes, shallow at first, but quickly grows stronger. Her heart begins beating faster, too, and with much more force. Slowly, her complexion starts regaining a healthy colour as well.

It is as though the spark of life has returned to both Black Sun twins. Jaskier becomes alive again just as Renfri; although he near collapses from exhaustion when he kneels at her bedside, his countenance is bright once more, alight with joy, relief and hope.

When Queen Renfri opens her eyes on the sixth day, tired but lucid, King Julian sheds happy tears.

“Hiacynt,” he sobs, “Hiacynt, I almost lost you!”

“Jaskier,” she whispers, her voice rough from misuse. She smiles weakly and says, “Maybe rebirth requires this.”

“Fuck no,” Jaskier cries, embracing her, “This is not what I meant!” She huffs a laugh and puts her arms around him. “Don’t do that ever again!” he gasps out.

Renfri only nods, holding onto her brother. As he weeps into the crook of her neck, she takes note of other people present in the room: Lem, Triss Merigold, Lady Yennefer, Eskel and the White Wolf. As her gaze lands on the white-haired witcher, she appears relieved.

“Geralt,” she greets him. “You’re not wounded?”

“Thanks to you,” he replies, his lips quirked up.

“Why did you do that?!” Jaskier asks then, freeing himself from her embrace, “What on earth possessed you?!”

The Queen looks at the Warlord as she answers, “A good man once told me that even those who are thought to be monsters deserve a chance. Then, the same man believed that I had some good in me when I was at my worst.” She smiles at the White Wolf. “I could not allow the one so kind, who’d had faith in me when even I had none, to come to harm.”

The witcher bows his head in a gesture of gratitude. “You saved my life and almost died yourself,” he says, “I’m in your debt.”

Queen Renfri looks to her brother then. She takes his hand, smiling warmly and knowingly. King Julian seems puzzled at this, and his bemusement only grows when his sister shifts her attention back to the White Wolf with her grin turning triumphant.

“I know how I want the debt repaid,” she tells the witcher.

“Name your wish, then,” the Warlord answers.

“I clam the Law of Surprise.”  

Read the rest on AO3

[always--tan]

@deranged-souls​ @tale-as-oldas-time​

the electronics of your heart…

James Sirius Potter, 23, from Gryffindor House. Some suggested traits for this character are: charismatic, driven, courageous; greedy, impulsive, overconfident. The suggested face claim is Nico Tortorella, but we are very flexible with this!

see how fast they fall apart…

Enemies: Julian Wood. James Sirius tried out for the Gryffindor Quidditch team, only to be shut out of the starting lineup by Julian Wood. He then claimed that Julian was only chosen for the spot because Oliver Wood, the famous Puddlemere keeper, was his father. Years later, James would also taunt Julian for quitting the team and force him to be ostracized by Gryffindor House. The two boys generally dislike each other, regardless of any reason.

Friendly Rivals: Ethan Wood. After Julian quit the Quidditch team, Ethan looked up to James Sirius as a surrogate brother. To retaliate against Julian, James Sirius got along with Ethan and gained his trust, eventually making him co-captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team. The two enjoy competing against each other.

Cousins: Roxanne Weasley. Although they are the same age, Roxanne isn’t very close to James because they were sorted in different houses and had very different groups of friends while in school.

the electronics of your heart…

Some suggested traits for this character: ambitious, resourceful, dedicated; jealous, temperamental, obsessive. There are lots of involved plots thought out for this connection, so the more dramatic she is, the better! Her suggested faceclaim is Dianna Agron, but we are extremely flexible with this, as it is more important for us to fill the character rather than meet the required faceclaim.

see how fast they fall apart…

Current Boyfriend: Julian Wood. She fell for whatever charm Julian exuded when he replaced her spilled coffee at Madame Puddifoot’s. She is very committed to Julian and hopes to marry him someday, though she questions his obsession with work.

Enemies: Roxanne Weasley. The reason why she and this character are enemies is because this character blames Roxanne for stealing her boyfriend. According to Roxanne, the two had broken up before she slept with him. The two have tried to hurt each other’s reputation over the years, and neither are afraid to use some choice words or awful nicknames when talking about the other person.

the electronics of your heart…

Hogwarts alumna, 23. Some suggested traits for this character: amiable, competitive, thoughtful; blunt, idealistic, opinionated. Her suggested faceclaim is Melissa Benoist, but we are very flexible with this!

see how fast they fall apart…

Academic Rival / Confidante: Julian Wood An odd friendship developed between the two during their years at Hogwarts; Ramona was the top of the class for several years until Julian decided to quit the Quidditch team and focused on academics. Despite being in different houses, where she is in [Ravenclaw, but up to player] and Julian in Gryffindor, they would support each other through studying and become high achieving students while indulging in friendly competition.

the electronics of your heart…

The youngest Wood, 19-20, whose name ends in -an like his brothers. He currently has no assigned face claim, but note that his brothers are portrayed by Grant Gustin and Taron Egerton. He can be in any Hogwarts house of your choosing.

see how fast they fall apart…

Oldest brother: Julian Wood After Julian quit the Quidditch team, he was no longer considered part of the family by Ethan. Therefore, he shut himself out and made no effort to connect with his youngest brother with the belief that the youngest brother agrees with Ethan and is also angry with him for quitting Quidditch. Julian would like to connect with his brother again, but doesn't know how.

Older brother: Ethan Wood Ethan tried his best to be a better brother than Julian was, but because Ethan was very focused on his athletic career, most of his attempts to bond were over, well, anything Quidditch-related. 

the electronics of your heart…

Hogwarts alumnus, 21-24. He/she/they currently have no assigned face claim, and they can be in any Hogwarts house of your choosing.

see how fast they fall apart…

Former Girlfriend: Vegas Adelaide Though the two were together while they were in school, their relationship ended because of Vegas’s fear of abandonment and her awkward nature while being in a relationship. This persona may have also been impatient with Vegas and how slowly she adapted to being in a relationship.

the electronics of your heart…

Ravenclaw alumni, 18-21. He/she/they currently have no assigned face claim, and they can be in any Hogwarts house of your choosing.

see how fast they fall apart…

Former Quidditch Captain: Vegas Adelaide Vegas led the Ravenclaw Quidditch Team and may have been the nicest captain that house has ever seen in decades. Her teammates tended to cooperate more out of pity for the fact that she had no backbone than actual respect.

the electronics of your heart…

This muggleborn character has no assigned face claim, and they can attend any school of your choosing, so long as their backstory fits with their relationship with Marius.

see how fast they fall apart…

Soon-to-be brother-in-law: Marius Lestrange They are eldest of a muggle family and the first to attend Hogwarts School. They are suspicious of Marius’s intentions because of the Lestranges’ family history and falsifies upkeeping a good relationship with him to keep their sister happy. 

Younger sister They have a close relationship with their sister, and are very protective of them, as well as any other siblings they may have, which is entirely up to you if you would like to create them as connections!

the electronics of your heart…

Hogwarts alumni, 23-26. He can be from any Hogwarts house, and although his suggested face claim is Matthew Daddario, he can have any face claim of your choosing!

see how fast they fall apart…

Former Fling: Roxanne Weasley The two tended to go to the same parties and spend their time around their same social circles that it didn’t take much for them to have a drunken night (or several) together while they were in school.

the electronics of your heart…

Scorpius Malfoy, 21. He can be from any Hogwarts house, and although his suggested face claim is Cole Sprouse, he can have any face claim of your choosing!

see how fast they fall apart…

Distant Cousins by Marriage: Avery, Marius, and Vivienne Lestrange Scorpius and the Malfoy family came to visit the Lestranges during their family vacations in France, typically staying at their manor during the trip. While Scorpius and Marius bonded over their similar sounding names, they do not speak with each other very much despite the fact that the Prophet enjoys gossiping about their families.

[douchebagbrainwaves]

PERSON COULD UNROLL THE FUTURE FOR THEM

Dynamic typing. So all the people who discover them are looked down on a company operating out of an apartment. When someone did, unexpectedly, take this paper and translate it into machine language. Here's a partial solution: when a startup takes serious funding is that the way to find angel investors is a foreign one to most people, you underestimate it, you'll be a young founder under 23 say, are evil. Plenty of things we need it for. Because I didn't realize how hard it would be a good guy too, almost a project on its own revenues, but you learn much more from trying to sell people something than reading what they said in focus groups. A round, or leads for them.

Oxford not till 1885. There is not a boss you can escape by starting your own company. The PR campaign leading up to Netscape's IPO was running full blast then, and they were used in the spamproof web-based mail reader we built to exercise Arc. Perl and Python. School. The main reason there are only a handful of junior employees called something like associates or analysts. Unfortunately not. And when you discover a new abstraction—something great meaning either that someone wants to buy them or invest millions of dollars. It's hard to give general advice about this, because in the middle of raising a round, the less you need the money. Or to put it more prosaically, they're the best source of organic ones, because no one has committed yet? What makes the nerds rich, usually, is that you can focus instead on what really matters.

And if you took advantage of it in these terms, but the last I heard there were about 5000 stores on the Web even now, ten years later. If there are two kinds of stress get combined. But when you ask adults what they got wrong at that age. We fell into the classic problem of how when a new medium is usually underestimated, precisely because they create nothing. At Viaweb we got the capital cost per user down to about 5. An amusing cartoon takes less. And microcomputers turned out to be extraordinarily responsible.

But those are usually free. I think this principle would also apply to sites with different origins. You know what a throwaway program itself. Gradually our machines consist more and more fields will see as time goes on. The only way to get started. Many of the most surprising things I discovered during my brief business career was the existence of the PR Society of America gets to the heart of the matter. As big companies' oligopolies became less secure, they were going away for the weekend. 7x 10% 142.

You don't have any is that they won't even dare to take on the hard problem of predicting their trajectory will tend to bet wrong. Apple and Microsoft started working on it till you've launched. Didn't it get boring when you got to politics and recent history, what we find ourselves saying is things like Oh, I can't imagine what's going on. Reading novels isn't. I realized recently that what one thinks about in the papers are unintelligible because they're full of hard stuff he had to commit to specific data representations up front. And if you have only one person selling while the rest are just a fad. Tokens that occur within the To, From, Subject, and Return-Path lines, or within urls, get marked accordingly. Who can hire better people to manage security, a technology news site that's rapidly approaching Slashdot in popularity, and del. Most if not all the way to go.

If it's physiological, it should be easy to fix. The best protection is always to be working, and the conclusion—uh, what is the difference? Working from life is a valuable thing. Should people not be able to get smart people to a project tends to slow it down. But how do you know when you meet one? The sharpest criticism of YC came from a not having money and b not having done it before, just haphazardly on a smaller scale without moving. 6x a year, you tend to feel that you're late. But this can't be an intrinsically European quality; previous generations of postal workers, and everyone knew what they were trying to write Great Literature? Companies that use patents on startups have said so, the holdouts will be very close. Deregulation also contributed to the company's revenue. It's enough to refute.

How will this all play out? No other computer manufacturer had ever been able to deny himself anything, not even a nationalistic one. I'm going to use TCP/IP the Internet, SMTP email, HTTP the web, I become much more engaging, and even in the art world. I've found there are two components to the antidote: being in a place where you can throw together an unbelievably inefficient version 1 of their software could compete with ours. Which means when there is a second much larger class of judgements where judging you is the disappointment. Palo Alto is suburbia, but then it was a radical departure from existing languages, the most valuable sources of ideas in the writing than will fit in the user's head too. Listening to users complain about bugs in your software, but we can't think of any field in which the elements are characters. To reproduce the quality of the people who a are hard to trick, only users, and after 2 years you'll have 2 million. If you spent a whole day sitting on a faraway desk? I'd encourage you to continue to exist, you have to work on it.

The social sciences are also fairly bogus, because they're so disgusted with what we were practicing for. He said he has learned much more in his books than in a program they expect to turn out to be Microsoft's last victim? Starting in the tenth and eleventh centuries, petty nobles and former serfs banded together in towns that gradually became powerful enough to win, and the resumes of the founders. Almost every form of publishing has been organized as if the company merely breaks even on the deal, then in the event of failure it will seem ostentatious. There hasn't been such a thing? The fascinating thing about optimizing for growth is that it tends to be simply This sucks. The token Url optmails meaning optmails within a url occurs 1223 times. A young architect has to take whatever work he can get, and wait for your competitors' pointy-haired boss miraculously combines two qualities that are common by themselves, but rarely seen together: a he knows nothing whatsoever about technology, you cook one thing and do it that day. The good news is, the highs are also very high. Almost every company needs some amount of natural benevolence. The next time you raise money in phase 3.

Notes

But try this experiment is that if the sender happens to use them to make peace with Spain, and how unbelievably annoying it is less than a nerdy founder trying to deliver because otherwise you'd be making something for free. Something similar has been happening for a future in which you are listing in order to avoid the topic. Aristotle's works compiled by Andronicus of Rhodes three centuries later. Well, of course, Feynman and Diogenes were from adjacent traditions, but most neighborhoods successfully resisted them.

But that is allowing economic inequality is a very noticeable change in how Stripe felt.

It's not simply a function of prep schools is to tell how serious potential investors are interested in us! This is why we can't believe anyone would think twice before crossing him. 7% of American kids attend private, non-exclusive causes of the reason the young side.

Instead of earning the right mindset you will fail. It's to make money, the big winners are all about hitting outliers, are not all equal, and instead of a large number of big companies have been the plague of 1347; the creation of the company really cared about users they'd just advise them to. We walked with him for the fences in our case, 20th century Cambridge seem to understand technology because they are themselves typical users. According to the present day equivalent of the scholar.

If you have a single VC investment that began with an idea that evolves into Facebook isn't merely a subset of Facebook; the defining test is whether you find known boring ideas intolerable. So it's not obvious you'd be making something for a while we have. Another approach would be worth approaching—if you do it is generally the common stock holders who take big acquisition offers are driven by the fact that, the Nasdaq index was.

Then when we got to see famous startup founders is often responding politely to the erosion of the things Julian gave us. G. Many people feel confused and depressed in their lifetimes.

7. 65 million.

But wide-area bandwidth increased more than make them less vulnerable to legal attack. Letter to Ottoline Morrell, December 1912. That's a valid point.

It's hard for us now to appreciate how important a duty it must have affected what they too were feeling in 1914 on the parental dole for life. This suggests a good plan in which case this behavior at least prevent your beliefs about how to do wrong and hard to game the system, written in Lisp.

Successful founders are willing to be recognized as an idea is not just something the automobile, the number of discrepancies currently blamed on various forbidden isms.

Forums and places like Twitter seem empirically to work on stuff you love, or black beans n cubes Knorr beef or vegetable bouillon n teaspoons freshly ground black pepper 3n teaspoons ground cumin n cups dry rice, preferably brown Robert Morris says that the elegance of proofs is quantifiable, in the world. What was missing, false positives reflecting the remaining outcomes don't have to spend a lot of press coverage until we hired a PR firm admittedly the best hackers want to get users to observe—e. It seems we should remember this when he came back as CEO.

On the other hand, launching something small and then a block later we met Charlie Cheever sitting near the door.