#we’re gonna probably go to my moms hometown if we’re able to make the trip

[ocdhuacheng]

Spain 2026, north africa 2027. Be there 🫵

[ssa-babygirl]

Out of My League [Part 2]

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Single mom!Reader

Word count: 4.5k (ohohohoho i went OVERBOARD with the dialogue here I am sorry for all the useless exposition)

Summary: Most things have changed in the last 10 years, but it’s safe to say that a few things stayed exactly the same. Mixed POV

Warning(s): Mentions of past bullying, mentions of cheating, mentions of kidnapping, general criminal minds stuff, cursing, VERY VERY BRIEF MENTION of a miscarriage and leukemia like it’s one sentence and that’s all

Author’s Note: The moment yall have been waiting for! They grow up so fast!! I’m going on a quick trip this week and then heading back to school a few days later, so the next part may take a little longer, but I’m super excited to write it!!

[Previous Part] [Series Masterlist]

Las Vegas, Nevada, 2004

(Spencer’s POV)

My first case out on the field was not a pleasant one. Well, it rarely is, that’s what happens when you work for the FBI to catch serial killers. For the first couple of weeks at the BAU, I helped them consult on cases, but they weren’t sure I was ready to go out on the field with them. After I got my weapon certification, Gideon told me he wanted me to come along on the next case because I was familiar with the area. There had been a series of child abductions near Vegas, my hometown. I would have been much more nervous about traveling had I not been able to see my mom while I was there. I hadn’t visited her in a while and the guilt was gnawing at me.

The first day was brutal. Hotch made some of us go back to the hotel late at night, but it was hard for us to sleep. JJ hated working cases about children, so she went to have a quick drink at the hotel bar, where she promptly forgot her purse and had to call me from her room to go get it for her. I had no hope of getting any rest that night, so I figured I’d take a walk down the hall and try to clear my head. 

There was no sign of the purse at first glance, no small black clutch on the bar like JJ said. But there was a woman cleaning glasses behind the counter, maybe she knew where the purse was.

As I approached the bar, the woman’s features took a familiar shape and triggered a distant memory. Seeing her face again was like coming home after a long drive without a map, squinting through the dark and hoping the headlights would get brighter when finally, you’re pulling onto a road that you know by heart. 

I didn’t need to look at her nametag, I already knew who she was, but judging by her polite smile borne solely out of the courtesy required to work in the service industry, she didn’t recognize me. In her defense, I had grown about a foot and a half since the last time she saw me. And I got a freaking haircut. 

“Y-Y/N?” 

She looked up from her rags and scrunched up her face in confusion.

“Okay, so you definitely know me, and I am so sorry about this, but I can’t quite place it. You look so familiar, though, I just… I meet a lot of people with this job, I’m so sorry, I forgot your name.”

I grinned, she still had that same habit of apologizing every five seconds, “I don’t really have that problem, eidetic memory and all.”

Her eyes widened, “Spencer? Spencer Reid!”

I laughed and nodded.

“You’re so tall now! What has it been, like, 10 years? Oh my goodness, come here.” She awkwardly leaned over the bar and hugged me. She still used the same shampoo. 

“How ya been, kid?”

“I’m good! H-How are you?”

“Doing fine, thanks. What brings you back to good ol’ Sin City?”

“I’m here for work.”

“Oh, and what are you doing now?” She leaned on the counter and gazed up with curious eyes, “Helping the doctors at Area 51?”

Good to know she still had jokes, “No actually, I’m with the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI.”

“Woah, you’re a fed now?”

“Yeah, we’re investigating a series of--”

“Kidnappings. Yeah. Scary shit. Can I get you a drink?”

“No, I’m good.”

“You close to catching the guy?”

“Unfortunately, no.”

“Any of the kids turn up?”

“Unfortunately, yes. We found one boy this morning. He… didn’t make it.”

Her face dropped to a look of worry I hadn’t seen since she took off my blindfold that day on the football field, “Name. I need a name,” her voice grew hoarse.

“I can’t really disclose that information.”

“Spencer, please. Every day my kid comes home from school and asks me if I was watching the news.”

I couldn’t deny the way my heart sank at the news, but I could sure as hell ignore it, “Y-You have kids?”

“One. Little Jamie. His best friend, Robbie, is missing.” Robbie Carter, age five, he’s been missing for the past two weeks. He’s likely dead, but we still haven’t found him.

“Every time someone misses school he gets scared they got taken too. Baby Boy doesn’t understand flu season yet.”

“How old is he?” I had to get her mind off of this. I don’t want to worry her.

“Five. Just started kindergarten. Wanna see a picture?” Seems like I succeeded. 

“Sure.”

She whipped out her phone and pulled up a picture of Jamie on his first day of school, backpack far too big for his body. Y/N was posed next to him, the picture too small to show that she was crying ever so slightly.

“Adorable, right?”

I couldn’t stop the grin spreading across my face, “Cute kid. Looks just like you.”

She looked back at the photo and smiled softly, “Except the eyes. He’s got his dad’s eyes.”

I glanced down at her hand holding the phone and was greeted with a pleasant surprise, “I’m guessing Jamie’s dad isn’t in the picture?”

Offense flickered across her features for a second, her eyebrows twitching and lips pursing, “How’d you know?”

“No ring.”

“You do work for the FBI.”

“Would you mind telling me what happened?”

“You know, you’re supposed to be the one spilling your sorrows to the bartender, not the other way around.”

“You don’t have to tell me, just thought we could catch up, I haven’t seen you in ten years.”

She sighed, returning her phone to the front pocket in her apron, “Remember Kyle Brothers?”

“Oh, do I? Yeah, of course, I remember your high school boyfriend, Y/N. What tipped you off, the eidetic memory, or the fact he used to beat me up after gym class?” It was more like the intense rage and jealousy I had when they got back together after football season ended.

“God, see, I always knew he was an asshole, but it never seemed to faze me, I’m so sorry about that.”

“You did what you could. And you apologize too much.”

“Sor--”

She froze mid-word and made a face as she realized once again that she was about to apologize yet again. I stifled a chuckle, but she laughed and grabbed a rag from the counter to finish cleaning the glasses.

“So Kyle?”

“Yes, Kyle. We broke up again before college, I was going out of state and didn’t wanna do long distance, you know all that. I was in a really bad place during my senior year of college, so after graduation, I decided to move back home for a bit, spend some time with my mom--”

“How is she?”

“She’s great! Moved to D.C. with my dad a while back.”

“I should visit her, Quantico isn’t far.” 

She returned a genuine smile, “She would love that.”

“Sorry I interrupted you, keep going.”

“You’re fine. Long story short, moving back home for a few months turned into having a one night stand with my ex. Which turned into us getting engaged nine months later while I’m exhausted and holding my son.”

“Well, that’s a fun birth story for Jamie.”

“Yeah, ‘Happy Birthday, sweetie, your father proposed to me while you were, like, an hour old and then cheated on me six months later.”

“Seriously?”

“Yep.” She popped the p, “Came home and heard two things: Jamie fussing in his sleep from the playpen and bedsprings squeaking in our room.”

“I’m guessing that you guys were done for good after that?”

“Nice detective work.”

“Technically, I’m a profiler, not a detective, as they typically work in local police departments and I work for the federal government, not a precinct--”

“Jesus, kid, you’re gonna put the poor lil lady to sleep,” I turned around and saw Morgan crossing the lobby to the bar, still in his work clothes.

“If I'm yawning it’s from my double shift, not his rambling. It’s been a while since I heard a good Spencer Reid knowledge dump.”

“You two know each other?” He leaned on the bar and I could sense him turning on the classic Derek Morgan charm.

“I could ask you the same question.”

“Uh, Y/N, this is SSA Derek Morgan, we work together, Morgan, this is Y/N L/N, we went to high school together.” The “I had a huge crush on her” was silent.

“Nice to meet you, doll,” he reached out a hand to shake yours. His eyes lingered on you for a bit too long, and I recognized the look in her eyes from the way she talked to Kyle in the halls before our study sessions, and I didn’t like any of that one bit.

Derek turned back to me, “JJ sent you down here a while ago, she’s looking for you.”

I glanced at Y/N and tried to hide the cocktail of emotions in my mind, “I guess I just lost track of time.”

He probably caught onto something because his regular teasing smirk flashed on across his face, “You guess, sure, loverboy, I’ll be in our room. Nice meeting you, Y/N.” He left and she waved, watching him as he left.

“JJ?” She asked, turning back to me.

“Coworker of mine, she left her purse down here and sent me to get it for her.”

“Oh, Blondie from earlier?”

“Yeah.”

“She seemed nice. So pretty!” She reached below the bar and pulled out the small black purse that was left behind about an hour before, holding it up to me and cocking an eyebrow.

“Yep.” 

“How long have you two been working together? Long enough to be more than coworkers?”

I laughed uncomfortably, “Uh, n-no, actually this is actually my first case on the field, before this I only really helped the team consult on cases, but this one was urgent and I wanted to visit my mom so they brought me along.”

“Well, send Diana my love.”

“Of course. And if you hear anything from Jamie about another missing kid, give us a call.” I reached into his pocket and pulled out a card, sliding it to her and leaving with a sympathetic smile, wishing I could say more.

              (Reader POV)

About a week after you ran into Spencer, you were closely following the story as it unfolded on the news. Another kid had gone missing, the second in two weeks. His name was Drew Olson, he was a year older than Jamie. They didn’t find a body yet, so there was still hope. Robbie hadn’t turned up either, which was the best news you had about him. No other bodies have shown up yet, and the cause of death for the boy they found was starvation, so the guy probably didn’t want to hurt these kids.

Regardless of whether or not the situation was actually dangerous, the school still increased security, since two of the victims were students. The pickup line was heavily monitored by teachers and faculty to make sure all students went home with their parents. You had gotten there a bit later than usual, forcing you to the back of the crowd where you couldn’t see the kids as they came out of the building. 

When you finally got up towards the front, there were only a handful of kids left.

And Jamie wasn’t one of them.

Panic started to twist your stomach into knots, but the rational part of your brain clawed at the inside of your skull saying he was just inside, he was waiting in a classroom, he was safe.

You pushed through to the teacher that was keeping track of names on her clipboard. She was younger, just about your age, and wore wire-framed glasses that complimented her dark braids. She gave a warm smile and asked for your child’s name.

“Brothers, Jamie Brothers.”

“Alrighty, let’s see--” she paused as her finger stopped over a name highlighted by a bright green, indicating that the child had been picked up: Jamie Brothers.

“He’s not here.”

“What? What do you mean he’s not here?” The part of your brain that said he was safe fucked right off and left you a shaking mess on the pavement. The teacher reached an arm out and held you by the elbow as your knees buckled beneath you. Other parents’ attention was suddenly directed towards you. 

“Ma’am, the sheet says he was picked up already.”

“But by who? Not me! So who the hell took my son?” All eyes were on you as you didn’t even bother to control the volume of your voice. 

“Mrs. Brothers, please remain calm, I’m sure there’s been a mistake, I can send someone in to find him inside the school.”

“Please…” You whimpered, unable to find your breath.

...Give us a call…

Spencer’s words echoed in your mind and you knew what you had to do, so you scrambled through your bag for the card you were given the week before. You frantically cursed under your breath as you searched for your wallet. You finally found it, taking it out with your phone so you could call the number on the card. It rang once, twice, three times before an unfamiliar voice crackled through on the other side. 

“Agent Hotchner.”

“Are you with the FBI?”

“...Yes, who is this?”

“My name is Y/N L/N, Spencer Reid gave me this number if I knew anything.”

“Do you have information regarding the recent abductions?”

“My son’s been taken.” You could feel the lump in your throat nearly restricting any words from coming out.

“Hold on, ma’am, where are you?”

“I’m at the school, he’s not here. I came to get him and he’s not here, I don’t know what to do!”

“Miss L/N, stay put, we’re on our way.” The call ended with a click and suddenly the world went quiet. There was nothing but the rush of blood pounding in your ears. All you could do was stare blankly at nothing in particular as the phone fell from your hand, hitting the pavement, your knees following quickly behind. You felt the bruises on impact, but you couldn’t care less about how much pain you were in, not when you felt this numb. Your pain didn’t matter anymore, all that mattered was that Jamie was missing and you were powerless to help. The remaining parents surrounded you, all clutching the shoulders of their children, their safe children, the ones they didn’t have to call the fucking FBI to pick up from school today.

When your brain was able to process information again, you noticed the school parking lot had filled with police cars, including two large black SUVs. You squinted through the inappropriately bright sunlight and the bitter tears in your eyes to see a tall man in a dark suit approach you. Behind him, a scrawny young man in a plaid buttondown was following closely.

You recognized him right away this time.

“Spencer,” your voice was barely a whisper as you attempted to stand on your shaking legs. You looked straight past the man in the suit and scrambled over to him. Before you could even reach him, his arms were stretched out to you, enveloping you in a tight hug as soon as you were close enough.

Your heart had to be beating out of your chest, and you were sure he felt it against him. The tears running down your cheeks stained his shirt, soaking him to the skin as he cradled your head against his chest, trying to do whatever he could to make you feel safe again, no matter how scared he was.

The man in the suit was now joined by an older man in a brown jacket and the man you met at the bar the other night, Derek, you think his name was. The suit turned to you and Spencer and introduced himself as Agent Hotchner, the man you spoke to on the phone. He asked you to describe what happened when you arrived, if you saw anyone who looked out of place, if you saw evidence of a struggle. Spencer’s arms never left your frame the whole time you spoke.

“Thank you very much, Miss L/N, I promise we’ll find your son, we have time on our side. Reid, stay with her in the meantime, Morgan, go question the parents, Gideon and I will talk to the monitors and see if they knew who picked Jamie was picked up by.”

“Yes, sir.”

All the men left to complete their tasks except for Spencer, who was supposed to stay put with you. The second you were alone with him once again, your face returned to the spot on his dampened shirt where it had previously been. One of his hands was planted firmly on your upper back, the other stroking your hair between his fingers.

It’s strange, really. Last time you saw him he was just a kid. A brilliant, sweet, small kid. The kid who’s hair you’d fuck with. The kid you held after his bullies hurt him. Then you don’t see him for over a decade and suddenly the roles are reversed. He was tall enough to rest his chin on your head now, which you had mixed feelings about, but you couldn’t deny it calmed you down. Almost as much as his quick yet steady heartbeat drumming right in your ear. The kid was still skinny, but his hugs were still warm. 

“You’re alright, we’re gonna find him,” he whispered into your hair, but you had a feeling those words weren’t only for you. After a few minutes, the three other agents returned to where you and Spencer stood, alerting the two of you that the team would be heading back to the police station where you were welcome to wait with them. Derek figured you were too shaken to drive yourself, so he offered to let you ride along with him and Spencer in the SUV, which you did not hesitate to accept.

Once at the station, you were greeted by the blonde from the bar. What was her name again?

“Jennifer Jareau, I’m the press liaison for the team. You can call me JJ.”

She sat with you while Spencer worked with the others on the case. You wanted to be updated whenever progress was made, but she told you that wasn’t totally possible. Regardless of how against the rules it was, she still gave you the profile. The unsub likely worked with children and knew them and faculty well enough to enter the building and take the kids without being noticed. They may be a parent going through a loss, as no evidence of sexual assault or any physical violence was found on the only body save for light ligature marks on the wrists. Due to the relatively nonviolent nature of the crime, the unsub could be a woman. They likely live alone since they are keeping several young boys in their home. Although this likely wasn’t the work of a pedophile, a trafficking ring could not be ruled out yet.

You suddenly understood why the victims’ families aren’t supposed to know the profile. You thought it would make you feel better, but it only made you feel worse. JJ opened up another box of tissues for you, got you water, and offered you snacks, but there was no way you could get anything down. Every sound, every person that passed the window, every buzz of JJ’s phone sent your stomach plummeting down a death drop. You had just calmed yourself down from yet another panic attack when you saw agents strapping on kevlar vests and putting their guns into their holsters.

They knew where the kids were.

              (Spencer’s POV)

I wasn’t allowed to see her before we left. I couldn’t tell her where I was going, I couldn’t tell her that Jamie would be okay, I couldn’t tell her anything. I barely spoke to her since we got back to the station, and that was hours ago. Now I-- we just have to leave her there again.

This was my first time going out on the field in this capacity. I’d never had to step out of that SUV with my gun out, ready to shoot anyone who threatened the lives of my team or any hostages they may have. I’d never had to strap on a kevlar vest and worry about the potential bruises that may be left behind by being hit with bullets. I’d never had to worry about not coming back before.

“Don’t be worried. If your hands shake you won’t get a clear shot,” Gideon reminded me in the car, as if I’d be able to get a clear shot with a steady hand anyway.

The unsub was a woman named Harriet Yanonovich. According to hospital records pulled by Garcia, our new tech analyst, her son had recently passed after a short and sudden battle against leukemia. This came shortly after Harriet had a miscarriage that triggered a chemical imbalance, degrading her mental health, which resulted in the trigger, losing her job at the elementary school that the boys had each been taken from. I would have felt bad for her if she hadn’t taken my friend’s son away from her.

But she did, and now I just have to hope she didn’t hurt him.

We arrived at Harriet’s house fairly quickly. Hotch sent Morgan and me around the back, he and Gideon would take the front. As we rounded the back of the house, we discovered that she had a storm cellar under her deck. The doors were closed with a heavy padlock. Morgan aimed his gun to shoot it off the chain.

“Don’t do that. The bullet would ricochet and hit you in the knee.”

He lowered his weapon, “You got a better idea, pretty boy?”

“Yes, actually.” I quietly crept onto the deck, lifting the welcome mat from in front of the sliding glass door into the absolute wreck of a kitchen. Under the mat was a simple looking key. 

“She’s a school teacher going through a depressive episode, not a criminal mastermind.”

“Alright then, genius,” he rolled his eyes, “Let’s see if it even works.”

I inserted the key into the lock, hearing a click and turning it with little difficulty. The shackle popped open. I gently removed it from the chains, trying my hardest not to make any noise that would alarm anyone in the cellar. Unwrapping the chains from the handles, I turned back to face Morgan.

“I accept your apology.” I attempted to muster my smuggest smile, but it was hard to mask the dread and worry on my face.

“Yeah, yeah, open up.”

He grabbed one handle and I grabbed the other, sliding the metal doors open and revealing a staircase into a shadowy basement.

“You first.” Morgan nudged my shoulder.

“What? No way! Morgan, this is serious!”

“So go! It’s your girl’s kid!”

He was right. Not about Y/N being my girl, because she wasn’t (though the thought did briefly replace the anxiety in my heart with pure light that I hadn’t felt since I was twelve), but I was still doing this for her. This case wasn’t just a job for me. This was for Y/N. For Jamie. Y/N deserves to see her son again, I owe her that much.

Derek would learn about my fear of the dark much later, but from how fast I jumped down those stairs into that cellar, he’d never been able to tell.

Against the farthest wall, there were four young boys all curled up in a corner. From the limited light, I could see they were all covered in varying levels of filth, the cleanest boy baring the face I had seen on Y/N’s phone screen. The boys all looked terrified, the two dirtiest looking thin and weak against the ties that bound them to a water pipe. I called up to Morgan to come down and lowered my gun.

“I’m Dr. Spencer Reid with the FBI, I’m here to help you guys, okay?” The boys all nodded. Morgan helped me untie their wrists.

“Do you know where Mrs. Yanonovich went?”

“She said she was going upstairs, and that we have to be good or else we wouldn’t get any supper,” Jamie piped up.

“How long you been down here, kid?” Morgan asked.

Jamie shrugged, “Couple hours.”

“Did she hurt any of you?” The kids all shook their heads no.

Hotch’s voice crackled over the radio, “We have her in custody, any sign of the kids?”

“Yep, we found them in the cellar. All are alive, but we may need a medic on standby at the station for some of them.”

“Are they hurt?”

“No, just malnourished. Definitely dehydrated.”

Morgan and I led the kids out to the surface, the setting sun creating a glare off of the tin cellar doors. We were greeted by Gideon and police rounding the corner to the backyard. The kids ran out the gate towards the police cars, eager to be home soon. 

               (Reader POV)

“Okay, I’ll let them know.” JJ hung up and turned back to you, a relieved smile gracing her face. You stood up, desperate to hear the news she had.

“They found the kids, Jamie’s safe.”

You couldn’t stop yourself from lunging at the woman you barely knew, wrapping her in a bear hug as delighted laughs left your lungs. You felt tears of pure relief drip down your cheeks as she squeezed you back, also letting out a deep sigh.

You waited impatiently in the bullpen, anxious to see Jamie unharmed and to give the team your gratitude. When they finally arrived, you saw your son walking hand-in-hand with Spencer and the older agent you believed was named Gideon. Spencer pointed over to you with his free hand and smiled, causing Jamie to drop their hands and sprint into your arms crying “Mommy! Mommy!” You immediately lifted him up and covered his face with kisses. The two of you held onto one another so tight, you were surprised either of you could breathe. Spencer came over to you, smiling with eyes you couldn’t quite recognize. 

“Thank you, Spencer.”

“No need, Y/N. I’m glad I could help. I just wish I could have met Jamie here on better terms!”

You adjusted your hold on Jaime to free one hand, stretching it out for Spencer to take it in his own. You squeezed it gently, smiling into those hazel eyes that had somehow never looked warmer before, despite the deep shadows under them.

“Thank you.”

His pursed lips twitched slightly and you noticed the tears brimming his sunken eyes. The poor boy needed sleep and a lot of it soon. He squeezed your hand back, sending shockwaves up your arms straight to your heart, which hadn’t felt this light since you were seventeen years old.

Taglist~~~

Lmk if you wanna be added! Some names didn’t work so if you don’t see your name as a tag just dm me a url and I’ll try to fix it

@lawnmoa @ellvswriting @baby-pogue @rottenearly @confused-and-really-hungry @thatsonezesty13 @deni-gonzalez @irjuejjsaa @randomfandomshitposts @bisoner @moonstarrnghtsky @smurfflynn @eldahae​ @t0xicllama​ @undeniablyyou​ @staplernpaper​

[innocentsshounenjuujigun]

04. Chestnut — do me justice

((I wrote this a good while ago but never posted it here, sooooo here we are! A very sad fic featuring Henri, Nicolas, Etienne, and Henri’s issues. It’s one of those stories that really highlights how fucked-up Henri’s whole situation was, while also being something of a character study on the poor kid. :3))

. . . 

Henri is a knight now, or so he’s told. It’s the kind of thing he’s always wanted, but now that he has it, now that he has a sword at his hip, he’s not too sure if it’s really going to be okay. He’s not sure if he can do it. 

The long days of walking are exhausting. Carrying his sword at his hip makes Henri’s whole body feel lopsided and uncomfortably pulled to one side. The sword is almost as big as he is; Henri isn’t sure if he could swing it if his life depended on it. As much as he wants to be a knight and protect Etienne, the idea of cutting a real, living person still scares him. 

But... Nicolas needs him. Everyone needs him. They’re the twelve disciples who are meant to protect Etienne from all harm, and Henri’s in too deep to back out now. They all are. There’s no going home even if they wanted to. There’s no abandoning the Children’s Crusade anymore. 

No matter what happens. 

Henri thinks these things as he’s curled up in his bedroll, trying not to cry. He can’t cry anymore. He’s a man, not a baby, and crying isn’t acceptable now. The lambs look up to him. Nicolas needs him to be strong. 

The night air is cold. Insects chirp faintly in the distance. Winter is coming, and the bugs are slowly fading for the year. There are less than there was the week before, and the week before that. Time is passing little by little. Every day, Henri gets farther and farther away from his home, away from his family, and even though he wants to be a brave knight and come home in glory and honor... he gets the feeling that there won’t be a ‘going home’ at all. He made his decision, and now... that’s all there is. 

Henri brings himself to his hands and knees. Etienne has white hair now, and eyes bluer than the sky. Etienne makes miracles happen, and if any miracle needs to happen to Henri, it’s making him into enough of a knight that he’ll be able to keep up with everyone else in the Crusade. 

Standing, Henri slips out of his tent, leaving his sword behind. The camp is quiet. It seems like everyone is asleep but him. 

Nicolas tends to patrol late at night, though, and Henri needs a walk anyway. He needs some time to think. It’s not like he can sleep very well when his mind is mulling over quite so many awful worries. 

Henri slinks through the camp as quietly as he can. He makes his way to the outside, to where no one is curled up and resting, and then he breathes a sigh of relief. So many children in one place are exhausting... even though Henri himself is barely out of the lower age range of the lambs.

That’s a thought that makes him feel absolutely useless. 

Out in the woods, the air smells like moss, undergrowth, and pine. Henri walks through crunching leaves and roots that threaten to trip him, right up until he gets around the camp and to where he knows Nicolas sleeps. At the head of everyone. The leader who won’t let anyone slack off or be left behind. Simultaneously the harshest person there and the one who won’t allow anyone to get hurt. Anymore, Henri doesn’t know if he respects Nicolas or is a little afraid of him. His friend has changed. 

“Who’s there?” Nicolas’s voice calls, tense enough that Henri knows immediately that he’s in one of his moods. One of the ones where he tries to be tough like Guy... even though Henri knows much, much better. 

“Um, just me,” Henri says quietly, as to not wake anyone. 

“Henri? What are you doing up this late?”

“Couldn’t sleep... So I got up to walk around a little bit. That’s all.” Henri knows that it sounds stupid, but it really is the truth. 

“You can’t sleep? You’ve gotta be kidding me. After all the walking we’re doing, I’d think that someone like you would pass right out.” Nicolas’s tone is almost joking, but Henri bristles a bit. He doesn’t like the implication that he’s the weak one here. Even though... he probably is. 

“Well, I couldn’t. I’m sorry for bothering you...”

Nicolas makes a face that Henri can only sort of see through the darkness. It’s not quite annoyed, but it’s missing a softness that Henri is used to seeing from Nicolas. It’s missing something important. 

“Sit down,” Nicolas says. “Let’s talk.”

Henri obeys. 

He settles on the ground next to Nicolas’s sleeping place, where Nicolas is sitting cross-legged with his sword in his lap. 

Nicolas never lets that thing go, Henri has noticed. He’s so attached to the concept of being a knight that the sword never leaves his side. Just watching it, Henri doesn’t know if he should feel jealous of Nicolas’s courage or worried for his friend. It’s not normal to be like that. Even for someone like Nicolas, it’s just plain weird to be acting so differently out of nowhere. 

But Nicolas is strong, intense, and brave, and Henri has no room to complain. He knows it’s better to be tough and dedicated than it is to be a sniveling coward who cries at every little thing that happens. 

It’s better to be like Nicolas than to be like himself. 

“What do you want to talk about?” Henri asks in a soft tone. He’s almost scared of what the answer is going to be.

“The journey, I guess. What we might face in the future. This isn’t our village anymore, you know? We’re really out in the world, going on an adventure and becoming knights. It’s what I’ve always wanted, Henri. After all this time, I’m going to be a knight just like my dad.” Something in Nicolas’s tone is a little too fervent. Henri isn’t sure he likes it. Nicolas’s dad is a dead man, after all, and Henri doesn’t want Nicolas to be ‘just like that’. 

“Y-Yeah... We’re a long way from home. I kind of miss it. It was peaceful there. Not... where we have to worry about so many things.”

Henri drops his head to his tucked-up knees. He knows that Nicolas is going to be mad at him for that one, but he can’t keep his mouth shut so easily. Somehow, his real feelings always seem to come spilling right out. 

“Quit being such a baby, Henri,” Nicolas snaps, just like Henri expected. “This is a good thing. We don’t want to be stuck in that stupid, tiny village forever. We want battle! Glory! We want to be men, not ignorant children who never even get to leave their hometown.”

For a moment, Henri wants to comment that it’s not like Nicolas has a family to leave behind. He doesn’t have a mom who will cry when she misses him or a dad who will never have another son. He doesn’t have a little sister who’s forever going to wonder where her big brother went because she was too young to remember him before he left. Nicolas doesn’t have anyone who will miss him. It’s different for someone like that. 

“I guess so,” Henri says instead. Then, “You’re really brave, Nicolas. I don’t know if I’ll ever really feel like that. I just... I don’t know.”

“You will,” Nicolas insists.“You’ll understand soon enough. You’re a man now, Henri, so you’ll get it soon enough. You’ll grow up just like the rest of us. Or at least, you’d better. I don’t want to be lugging around a kid just because you can’t grow a spine. Etienne is counting on us, so you have to get a pair and start acting like you’re someone he can rely on.”

Henri can’t help but sigh. This is exactly what he expected, but hearing it doesn’t make it hurt any less. He sucks in a breath of cool night air and closes his eyes for a moment. Etienne really is relying on him. That part is true. And Henri... he wants to be someone that Etienne can trust. 

Nicolas always says that there are bigger things waiting for them, that there’s glory just beyond the horizon. Henri doesn’t know if he believes it. Most of the time, it just seems like the only thing waiting is trouble. 

“I will,” Henri says, just because it feels like he’s supposed to. 

“Yeah, you will. You can be a knight, Henri. I know you can do it. You’ve gotta do me and everyone else justice, so make sure you do.”

Henri doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t know what to do with that much pressure put on him all at once. Just a few weeks ago, he was a kid who’d probably never set foot outside his hometown, let alone fight anyone or have to be a knight. Now, he’s on the road every day, getting farther and farther away from everything he’s ever known. Now, he’s in a world of pagans, Knights Templar, and holy lands just out of reach. 

“...I’m gonna go sleep now.”

“Good idea. You’ll get tired out tomorrow again, so go rest. No one wants you complaining that you’re tired all day.” Nicolas laughs at that, but Henri doesn’t think it’s very funny. He’s doing his best, just like the rest of them. What makes him so easy for everyone to make fun of?

Henri stands up and leaves Nicolas and his sword behind.

He’s tired. He’s way, way too tired-- in a way that seems to have nothing to do with sleep. Henri’s whole head feels weary in a way that he can’t stop. He wants to lie down, curl up into a little ball that nothing can hurt, and stay there until the world quits being so scary. Until he can wake up in a place where the hard part is already over. 

On his way back to his sleeping place, though, this time cutting through the rest of camp. He’s too tired to care much if he wakes someone.

But... close to where he sleeps, Henri sees a familiar white shining in the moonlight. Etienne. His hair is the color of the moon itself now-- a brilliant white that Henri thinks would put even snow to shame. 

Henri steps a little bit closer to Etienne, watching the other boy’s face closely. This is the person who brings about miracles. This is the one who Henri’s supposed to give his life to protect. Yeah, Etienne has always been the kindest, purest person Henri’s ever known, but... he’s still scared. He doesn’t know what it means to give his life for someone, and he’s not sure if he wants to. Why can’t he just live by Etienne’s side? Why does he have to die to prove himself as worthy? 

It feels like Etienne would be happier if they were all alive. 

After a moment of Henri staring, Etienne’s blue eyes flutter open. He blinks sleepily for a moment before his gaze lands on Henri. 

“...Henri? What are you doing?”

“Um, just... heading back to bed,” Henri says with what he doesn’t quite think is a smile. “I took a little walk, but I think I’m sleepy again now.”

“You look scared.”

Henri tenses. Of course Etienne would be able to pick up on something like that without even trying. Either that or Henri is just a lot more obvious than he thought he was. He bites his lip. Now Etienne will chew him out too, or at the very least say something disappointed enough that Henri will wish he’d been angry instead. Both options are bad. 

“J-Just having trouble sleeping,” Henri tries to dismiss, even though he knows that his voice is shaking. 

“Then... come sleep beside me,” Etienne says in a tone so tender that it takes Henri’s breath away. “Get your bedroll and lie down here. It’s easier to sleep when there’s someone there with you. There’s space. I’ll say a prayer for you and the Lord will allow both of us to rest peacefully.”

“Okay. Um, b-be right back!”

Henri scurries away. He doesn’t know if he’s blushing from the kindness or about to cry, but oh, Etienne’s words hurt worse than any scolding from Nicolas. He wants to settle in by his friend like a child and sleep peacefully, but the world he’s in will never allow peace again. 

‘Do them justice’, Nicolas had said, right before the biggest reminder of all had come in and whacked Henri in the face. 

Henri picks up his things quietly. He can’t stop the occasional sniffle from escaping him, even as he bites down on his lip to stifle the tears. He can’t cry. He has to be a man. He can’t disappoint them. 

Henri walks back to where Etienne is waiting. 

He’s scared. 

[bijoharvelle]

the lovely @good-things-do-happen-dean got a year older! so here’s a dean/benny high school au that i’ve been bouncing around for literally 7 years and finally sat down and made it into words for clara’s birthday!

Everybody likes Benny.

He’s kind and funny and, most importantly, since he joined our football team, we’ve actually started winning. We’re not gonna get a championship anytime soon, but Benny has the kind of natural leadership to get those idiots actually looking like a team. Add that to the accent that has every girl from freshman year up up swooning, and, yeah, Benny’s popular.

It’s a small school, you might not know everyone in your grade, but you’ve probably at least heard of them. And you probably know that someone’s cousin is a sophomore, and someone’s brother is a freshman, and someone’s dad’s business partner’s daughter is a junior, so by extension, you kind of know everybody.

So everybody knows Benny and everybody likes Benny and no one really understands, at all, why he’s friends with Dean Winchester.

The thought of Dean on the football team is laughable. I heard he did the whole wrestling thing in freshman and sophomore year but his interest petered out, I guess (Really, though, by junior year, Dean was driving to school and Sammy was in high school then which meant that he would have to sit around after school and wait for Dean to be finished with practices or matches or whatever. Or take the bus, which - Dean is not going to let his little brother ride the bus.)

So, okay, anyway, Dean and Benny are basically as different as you can get when it comes to social strata. And if you ask any of Benny’s teammates, or any of the few stragglers who hang  out with Dean, none of them could tell you how Benny and Dean even met Apparently Castiel - that weird kid with the x-ray level blue eyes? - he knows the story but no one is going to ask him anything. There was a rumor, for a little bit, that it had to do with Benny being interested in Jo Harvelle and trying to get to know her through Dean - since the two of them have been best friends since birth - but that seems unlikely. Only time you ever see Benny with Jo is when they’re both with Dean. (Benny’s truck had stalled out along one of the side-roads that ran toward the Winchester house. Dean saw him on the way home and Sam insisted that they should stop and so Dean did. The whole time he was helping, Dean kept up a constant stream about what a piece of shit the truck was and how Benny’d be better off just pushing the thing into the reservoir. Benny laughed and smiled the whole time. Then the next day, before morning announcements, Benny was leaning to the side of Dean’s locker, like he did that every morning or something, and asked if he had any recommendations for a not-piece of shit and...well.)

But the point is, as different as they are, as much as Dean will never fit in with Benny’s jocks and as much as Benny is pretty out of place in Dean’s island of misfit toys, they are really good friends.

Like, really good.

Dean shows up for every one of Benny’s games, sometimes with Jo or Castiel in tow, sometimes alone. He’s always a little off to the side, hands hidden away in his leather jacket. (You could kind of tell, if you’re watching him, that his attention drifts whenever our team is on offense. He doesn’t cheer when we get touchdowns, he doesn’t groan when we fumble or get intercepted. But then the minute the D-Line trots out, he has eyes on the field and, like, he still doesn’t celebrate or mourn or anything like that. He isn’t there for the game, just for his friend, who happened to be on the team.)

If you happen to have fifth-block lunch, it’s impossible not to know what good friends they are. Benny always eats with Dean, in a little corner of one of the long tables. Sometimes Sam, or Jo sit with them. Sometimes Sam is with sophomore pals, sometimes Jo is with Meg and the other field hockey girls. But Benny is always there -- even when there are at least five different tables full of guys from the football teams or girls from Model UN or whoever that he could definitely sit with instead. He always sits with Dean and his full-body laugh floats above the rest of the usual lunchroom din. (Dean laughs quiet, with eyes down, like he’s not sure he’s allowed to be making noise. But Benny will laugh out, into the world, and curve his elbow around the back of Dean’s neck and Dean will look up with soft green eyes and maybe there’ll be a blush over his cheeks and if you look close you might be able to parse out the expression of pride on Dean’s face, at making Benny laugh.)

There are parties and events and stuff on weekends that Benny shows his face at, often. He’ll man a keg for an hour and strip to swim trunks to wash cars for charity or whatever but when it comes time for lounging in someone’s basement or cruising to a park for some pick-up or whatever the rest of the gang is up for, he peels off. Waves his hand and smiles against protests, ducks his head a little when someone makes a pointed comment about him being whipped and running off to his boyfriend. But that’s all just jokes. 

Even if everyone knows Winchester is bi, their town is liberal enough to not make it a huge deal (well, there were some fights his sophomore year that were definitely about that but people have mostly moved on). Even if, despite a number of people of all genders who have expressed interest, Benny never dates anyone, always goes solo to football dinners and to parties and to dances.

(Maybe, some evenings, Benny and Dean end up parked along one of the deep side roads that tucks against the canal, leaning back against Dean’s Impala. Late evening with the stars rolling in and the two of them splitting a bag of twizzlers across their Slurpees as they idly pass through conversation: about Sam, about Jo, and Benny’s hometown and Dean’s mom.

(Maybe, once the sky gets darker, they lean in a little closer. Maybe their shoulders press together and Dean plants his hand down on the cool metal of his car’s hood and Benny let’s his hand drop over those fingers. 

(Maybe, a few times, they’ve bowed in toward each other enough to feel the brush of lips. Maybe Benny knows what Dean’s tongue tastes like, maybe Dean knows what Benny’s beard feels like against his cheeks, along his chest, between his thighs. Maybe there have been times when Dean knows, underneath Benny’s uniform, his fingers are marked in bruises along Benny’s sides and down his shoulders.

(Anyway, they have this plan, after graduation, to road trip down where Benny’s from. Stop by Carencro, cut through Lafayette, head for New Orleans. Make their way West and then North and then, well, who knows. Benny’s good at football but he’s not getting a full ride anywhere, and Dean is smart - a genius, if you ask Sam, or Benny, or Cas, or Jo - but college isn’t really in his cards. So maybe they’ll just keep out on the road until they find someplace worth stopping for.)

-

just tagging some of my denny pals! @prayedtoyou - @envydean - @cherryberrynice - @flowersforcas 

[snortyport]

(Un)Broken Happily Ever After Chapter 3

Summary- Four years ago, you thought you were just going to another party. Little did you know you’d meet the man who would change your life.

Word Count- 3436

Pairing- Taehyung x reader

Warning- some swearing, nothing major

A/N- Thanks for reading! This is a flashback chapter if you didn’t figure that out. Each flashback chapter will be in Italics for future reference.

Previous | Masterlist | Next

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Four years ago…

“Come one, don’t be such a drag!” Jungkook says pulling on your arm as he pulls you towards the house party you definitely don’t want to go to. You, and your two friends for the record, have midterms to study for and a party isn’t going to help you remember anything on the study list.

“Yeah, come on Y/N! You haven’t been out in forever!” Hoseok yells from behind you, already in the party spirit after pregaming at your apartment for the past hour. “Plus, this is our last year of university and then we start the real world. We deserve to have a little fun after working our asses off for the past four years! So, I want you to turn that frown upside down and let’s go!” Hoseok pinches your butt which makes you jump and yelp in surprise, making the boys laugh at your outburst.

“It’s time to have fun before we graduate and you go off to some country doing God’s work or whatever,” Jungkook says, slinging and arm around your shoulders.

You’ve known Jungkook since childhood, you two were literally diaper buddies. Your moms were best friends and got pregnant a couple weeks apart from each other. You and Jungkook have often wondered if it was just coincidence that they got pregnant around the same time or if it was planned. Either way, the two of you grew up more like siblings instead of friends.

You spent every weekend growing up at either his house or him at yours. You know every secret of his and vice versa. Every crush brought teasing and every heartbreak brought hugs and a movie night. When your high school boyfriend dumped you right before graduation, Jungkook dropped his grad date to take you instead. Jungkook was always the shy one in your duo and you knew how much courage it had taken him to ask the girl out, so you had refused at first. But he had always pictured the two of you going together so you agreed. The other girl wasn’t graduating that year, so you didn’t feel too bad stealing him away.

People always wondered if there was more going on between you two. Did she like him? Did he like her? But there was never anything like that with him. You knew too much about each other for there to be any romance. Yeah, as the two of you got older, Jungkook sprouted from being a wide eyed adorable little boy to a chiseled, sporty muscle man from long hours spent at the gym. And you grew into your curves, your face cleared up and smoothed out. People are always wondering if there’s something going on.

“It’s not God’s work, you doofus, I just want to go and help children who lost their parents due to war or sickness. That way when I come back home, I’ll be able to use the knowledge I got from there to spread awareness and help from here,”

“Please, Mother Teresa, don’t bring down the mood when we’re about to go walk into the most hyped party of the year,” Hobi says, nudging your side with his elbow. “I don’t want to think about sad parentless children right now. I’m too far gone right now and I might start crying.”

You met Hobi on your very first day of orientation in your first year. You and Jungkook had decided to go to the same university, so you were sitting together at a table when Hoseok came over and asked if he could sit in the extra chair at your table. It didn’t take long for Hobi to secure a spot in your friend group, making your lifelong duo into a trio.

Hobi is more extroverted like yourself so you always had someone to go to parties with when JK would need to recharge his social battery. Hobi was the missing piece you didn’t know was missing. Mostly the three of you did everything together; parties, classes, even going to each others’ hometowns for holidays. The three of you were best friends through and through.

And then in your second year, you met Seokjin and your trio became a foursome. He was graduating that year and decided one night at a party to share his university wisdom and hacks on you and your friends. For some reason he took a liking to the three of you and sought you out a few days after the party and you became actual friends.

You didn’t think you needed someone new in your group, but you couldn’t help warming to this older man who acted the same age as you. it was hard not accept him and his weirdly iconic laugh that was well known around the university grounds and his bad dad jokes. You thought he would bring a sense of maturity to your friend group but when the three of you were all together, you acted more like school children instead of adults.

When he graduated, you were scared things were going to change, that he wouldn’t have as much time to hang out with you anymore but Jin made it a mission to hang out with you at least once a week. And for the past two years, he’s kept that promise. Even when all of you were super busy with school or work. You always made sure to make time for your windshield wiper laughing friend.

“Sorry, sorry,” you say before clearing your throat, “Woo! It’s party time! I’m gonna get so wasted, and dance, and probably hook up with someone if the night goes how I want it,” you proclaim in a high pitched voice, mimicking what Hobi said back at your place.

“Har har,” he glares at you, but a smile graces his features a second later. “Seriously though, I’m going balls to the wall tonight so if I don’t remember who you are at the end of the night then you can be happy for me.”

“You can go balls to the wall but I’m hoping to go balls to pussy tonight,” Jungkook laughs and hold his fist to Hobi to bump.

You and Hoseok groan and you roll you eyes.

“Keep that hetero talk to yourself please. I’m not drunk enough to listen to that,” Hobi shivers in disgust.

“Seriously do you have to be so gro—” you start to say before someone bumps into you hard which makes you lose your footing and trip into Jungkook’s side.

“I’m so sorry!” the tall boy who knocked into you exclaims, grabbing your arms to steady you and you grab onto his. “My friend nudged me, and I wasn’t expecting it and I kinda fell, and I fell into you, and I’m so sorry!”

“Uh, yeah, it’s ok,” you say straightening up, “I didn’t get hurt so no harm done,” you smile. When his dark eyes reach yours after checking you out to make sure you really aren’t hurt, his jaw goes slack. “Ar-are you ok?” you ask, concern flooding your features. He stands, staring at you while still holding onto your arms until one of his friends pushes at his shoulder from behind.

“Oh, uh, I’m fine!” he says, shaking his head and throwing you a boxy smile. Your pulse quickens at this seriously attractive, flustered man, who’s still holding onto you with his big warm hands. His dark, slightly wavey hair falls into his eyes and you’re glad that he’s holding your arms because you think you would have run your fingers through it to get it off his forehead. His cologne tickles your nose and has you wanting to do some crazy things right here in the middle of the party thrower’s lawn.

“Well now that we know everyone is all good, we’re going to get going,” Jungkook says from behind you, grabbing your bicep and pulling you from the guy’s grasp.

The guy flicks his eye to Jungkook and instantly drops his hands from you and takes a step back, bursting the bubble the two of you were in. He sends you a small smile before dropping it to stare at his feet. You let Jungkook pull you away, the stranger’s cologne still lingering in your nose, making your head feel thick and dizzy with desire.

“— could have let her get his name before pulling her away,” you catch the last bit of what Hobi says, the delicious smell finally leaving your system.

“He was eye fucking her so much that I knew he didn’t care about her name,” Jungkook huffs, and you’re now realizing his arm is back around your shoulders.

“Excuse me?” you ask incredulously, craning your neck to stare up at him.

“Don’t worry, I saved you. I could tell that all he wanted was in your pants,” he smiles triumphantly at you.

“Maybe I wanted him in my pants. Did you see him?” you glare at him.

“That boy was blessed by every god. He was just,” hobi brings his hand up to do a chef’s kiss, “perfect.”

“Exactly,” you sigh dreamily. “And who are you to dictate who I can or can’t date or fuck? My body, my choice,” you stop right before the door to shove Jungkook’s arm off your shoulders and to turn and glare at him. “If I want to get my brains fucked out of me with someone who you don’t deem good enough,” you say, air quoting good enough, “then I will. It’s not up to you, ok?”

“Preach,” Hobi says, clicking his tongue at Jungkook.

“Ok, I’m sorry. I know it’s your choice and everything, but I just didn’t get a good feeling about him ok?” he gives you his puppy dog eyes pout which always makes you forgive him.

“Because you won’t be the hottest of our group if she dates him?” Hobi offers, smiling mockingly at Jungkook.

“I just didn’t ok? Can we drop it now and go in?” he asks, looking towards the door.

“Yess!” Hobi screams. “Let’s go second best!” he grabs Jungkook’s arm and opens the door, pulling the big lug through the door. You giggle at them as you watch them get swallowed up by the huge crowd of people littering every available space in the house. You turn to look back at the stranger only to find him already staring at you. Your body erupts in tingles and goosebumps and your heart starts pounding. You smile shyly before walking into the booming house.

~~~~~~

A couple hours, and many drinks later, you’re happily dancing with Hoseok in the middle of the makeshift dancefloor. Your sweaty bodies mingling and sharing space with the other dancers. Jungkook disappeared almost immediately after entering the party but Hoseok, your party buddy, hasn’t left your side, except the few times to get more drinks.

Which now that you’re thinking about it, you could use a refill.

You shimmy closer to your friend, bringing your lips close to his ear. “I need another drink! Do you want anything?” you shout to be heard over the music pumping through your veins. He shakes his head and continues dancing by himself before some cute, petite guy twirls into his arms and starts grinding into him.

You push your way through the throng of bodies, wanting to get away from that scene quickly. You’re glad he has someone to dance with but you really don’t want to see your best friend getting some. The floor is so packed you get hips and elbows connecting to your body with every step. You’re having troubles navigating around everyone when suddenly a hand reaches out and grabs your wrist. The mystery person manages to pull you past everyone and out of the raving crowd.

You don’t know who grabbed you, you don’t recognize the back that’s in front of you, but you’re thankful they got you out of there so quicky. The heat was starting to make you dizzy and your stomach twist. Mystery man pulls you to a quieter part of the room, against the wall farthest from the dance floor. He turns around and to your excitement it’s the same guy who bumped into you outside.

His dark eyes are now glassy and bloodshot from a night of drinking and you’re sure your eyes look the exact same. His mouth moves in such a nice way that you can’t tear your eyes away from it. The things you want that mouth to do to you has the blood running through your veins turning to fire. His cologne which is now mixed with alcohol and the faintest traces of cigarette smoke. Not what you’d usually go for but for some reason you find it so sexy and intoxicating. Your already drunk mind feels ten times more fuzzy standing this close to him. You’ve never wanted someone so badly before. His perfect mouth is still moving when you realize he’s trying to talk to you.

“Sorry, what?” you yell, tearing your gaze away from his mouth and to his eyes. He smirks and leans closer. You take a deep breath in, drinking in as much of him as you can.

“Do you want to get out of here? Find somewhere quiet where we can… talk?” he asks, his eyes moving to your lips. He ignites something so ferocious in you that you don’t even recognize who you are right now as you nod your head.

This isn’t like you. You don’t drunkenly hook up with random people, that’s Jungkook’s thing. He’s so shy but once that alcohol hits, he becomes a sex maniac and anyone with a vagina between their legs will do. But that’s never been you. You’re always careful and you at least like to know the person you are sleeping with. You’ve always preferred knowing the name you’ll be moaning out.

But maybe you’ve been missing out on the anonymity. You’ve never seen this guy before on campus so there won’t be any of those awkward smiles and forced small talk when you run into each other. You’re kind of looking forward to it as he pulls you by the hand again towards the stairs.

But when he turns to the door instead of the stairs, alarm bells start ringing in your head. Maybe Jungkook was right and there is something wrong with him? He pulls you outside but before you get too far, you plant your feet on the ground, trying not to sway too much. What if he goes around to university campuses and lures girls in with his incredible smile and hopes of hooking up and then murders them? He stops and turns to look at you in confusion.

“Where are we going?” you ask cautiously, reaching your hand down to your jeans pocket to feel for your phone.

“To the diner just down the road. I asked if you wanted to go and you said yes. Did you change your mind? We can go back in if you want? I just don’t really like parties and thought talking over a burger and fries sounded like a better way to get to know you. But if you don’t want to go with me, that’s ok,” he drops your hand and takes a step away from you. “You don’t even know my name, of course you don’t want to go with me. I’m so sorry, I’ve probably scared you,” he runs his hand over his face and through his hair while grimacing. “Let’s just go back inside. I’m such an idiot,” he whispers and starts to walk past you, but you grab his hand to stop him. He’s either a really good actor or he’s being sincere. It might be the alcohol, but you feel like you can trust him.

“Let me just text my friends where we’re going and then we can go, ok? I didn’t hear you properly inside so when we went outside, I didn’t understand what was happening,” you say, giving him a reassuring smile. He lets out a relieved sigh as you pull you phone out. But then his smile drops, and he looks back at the house.

“I, uh, don’t know how to say this, or if I should be the one saying this. I mean, I don’t know your relationship, but if it was me, I’d want to know, so I should just tell you, right?” he says quickly, almost to himself.

“What are you talking about?” you ask. Your relationship? What is he talking about?

“I, um, saw your boyfriend making out with another girl,” he winces as he looks into your eyes and squeezes his hands together.

“My boyfriend? I’m not dating anyone?” you shake your head in confusion. And maybe if you weren’t so drunk you would have realized instantly that he was talking about your best friend.

“But… earlier… he…?” he stumbles over his words. “When I almost knocked you over? That big guy? Isn’t he your boyfriend?” he scratches his nose, and you notice for the first time that he has a small mole on the end of his nose and now how you definitely want to kiss it.

“The big guy?”

It takes you a painfully long time to understand who he is talking about but when you finally do, you burst out laughing at the absurdity of it. You and Jungkook? Never in a million years. The bewildered look on the guys face is too much for you and it makes you laugh harder. Tears prick at your eyes and you don’t even know why you find it so funny, but you do, and you can’t stop the giggles.

“Me and Jungkook? No!” your head falls backward and the tears streak down your face. “I’m sorry for laughing so much! But he’s like my brother! I’d never date him!” you wipe at your eyes with one hand and hold your stomach with the other.

“Oh… yeah?” he says, his face brightening.

“Yeah. We’ve known each other since we were babies. We’re basically siblings so the thought of us dating is just hilarious but also so gross,” you say before taking a deep breath. “Oh, you’re so cute. That was the best. Thank you for that!” you giggle again while unlocking your phone. You miss the blush the covers his cheeks as he smiles shyly and looks away. You quickly send a message to your group chat letting them know you left and where you’re going.

“I’m Taehyung by the way, but my friends call me Tae,” he says sheepishly. You add his name to the text before sending it.

“I’m Y/N,” you hold your hand out for him to shake. “It’s very nice to meet you, Tae.” His big hand engulfs yours and he shakes your hand. You really want those hands on you but right now this will do. “So, this diner, they have desserts?”

“Yeah, I think so,” he nods his head, smiling.

“Then let’s go!” you take his hand and pull him down the walkway.

It’s a little chilly out with the sun down which you didn’t think about when you agreed to walk, but Tae senses you’re cold and pulls you closer. He puts his hands, with your one hand still clasped tightly together, in his jacket pockets. The warmth you get from him and the lingering heat from the alcohol in enough to keep you toasty.

The two of you talk the whole way to the diner, never once falling into an awkward silence. Because both of you are inebriated, the conversation isn’t too serious. You mostly talk about your dreams and crazy things on your bucket lists. Laughs and giggles fill the night air as you stroll along the sidewalk, a few cars passing you by and illuminating your close figures. Everyone driving by probably thinking you’re dating, and you honestly don’t mind the mix up.

As a pretty outgoing person, you’re used to talking to people easily, but something feels different with Tae. There hasn’t been any awkwardness between you despite the fact that you’ve just met ten minutes ago and you’re huddled together so close that once your icy breath reaches his, they mingle together before disappearing into the night. You normally make friends easily with your cheerful disposition, so you’re not sure why this feels different, but it does and you’re not complaining. It feels like you’ve known Tae for years.

It’s just a hunch you have, and maybe it’s so strong because you’re so drunk, but you feel good things coming your way with Tae. And you really can’t wait.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I hope you enjoyed that chapter and how they met. I can’t wait to show you the rest of the flashbacks I have planned!

Tagged: @anatron9000, @sugalarity​

If you’d like to be tagged, let me know!

[forkanna]

[AO3] [WATTPAD]

They were about to find out.

Okina City had more opportunities for fun compared to the sleepy town of Inaba. Lots more shopping, dining, sights, sounds, smells. Rise breathed in the atmosphere with a huge grin as she walked through Okina Station, a slight warmth blossoming in her middle; even if she was very comfortable in her hometown, she did start to feel stir crazy due to the limited activities available. It was nice to get out once in awhile.

"Ebi-chaaaaan!" she called out to her cheerfully as she jogged down the station steps. The teen queen clad in the pink A-line with the kitschy black belt barely turned to look at her when she was tackled from behind.

"AH! Hey, hey, easy on the merchandise! Which is me, of course."

"Nope! We're gonna start bonding right away! I won't let you down!" That was one of her catchphrases in a drama she had starred in briefly. She even threw in a wink.

"Ugh. I'm not a hugger, okay?"

"Well, you said you wanted to give friendship a trial run, and this is the kind of thing friends do."

"Fine. Now that we're here, Atzrbucks or that fancy place? Chagall?"

Rise waggled her eyebrows at Ebihara, who only raised her own. "Oooh, fancy. You going to treat us with Daddy's money?"

"Sure. I mean, what do I care? As long as I don't buy a random sports car it's like the bank account is bottomless." Then she sighed. "No… I said I would stop doing that. And I will. But I don't think going to an upscale cafe would be a problem."

So they moved on to the Cafe Chagall. As they walked, Ebihara cast a longing look aside at a clothing store called Croco Fur, but she didn't stop until they were inside the lovely restaurant just past the boutique.

"Hey, you sure you didn't want to hit that place?"

"What?" Ai asked distractedly as they claimed one of the seats in the corner. "Oh… no, not really. I used to go there a lot… with…"

She didn't even have to finish. Rise frowned across the table at her. "I miss him, too."

"Hey, we don't have to spend this whole time throwing ourselves a pity party," she scoffed. "To hell with that. We are a couple of gorgeous, fierce women, and the world is our oyster. Maybe we can cruise a few guys."

"Oh, you're over Yu-kun already?" she asked, surprised.

"No. But it doesn't seem to matter, does it? He's gone anyway."

Rise felt her heart strings twinge. Poor Ai didn't even want to admit that she missed him — or at least, not the full extent of how much she missed him. So she reached across the white-and-blue-plaid tablecloth to pat her hand.

"So is that a no on cruising for guys?"

"I dunno," Rise laughed softly, taking her hand back as a man with dark glasses approached. She would have thought he was some random creep if not for the apron denoting he worked there.

"Good morning. You are more brave than I expected from girls of your age."

"I… huh?"

"My brewing process results in a blend that requires strong intestinal fortitude to weather," he went on in an ominous tone, jaw set behind his goatee. "I refuse to compromise my standards for anyone, even women."

"Excuse me?" Ebi demanded with raised eyebrows, sitting back and folding her arms over her chest. "You think we can't handle your coffee just because we're girls?"

"Hey, we're a lot stronger than you think, dude," Rise shot up at him. But unlike her friend, she felt guilty afterward and bowed slightly. "Sir." He was their elder, after all, and the owner of the establishment by the look of things.

"Are you?" he murmured, turned away from their table and staring off into the distance like some kind of anti-hero. "Very well. Then you shall place your order and the chips will fall where they may."

They both stared at him for a moment before Ai said, "Anyway… I'll have a nonfat latte, a drizzle of caramel."

"We don't serve that here. Not on my watch."

"Then what do you sell?" Rise asked more reasonably, hoping if she wasn't rude they would get this interaction over with quicker. "I thought I saw some pastries in the case on our way in."

"That is none of my concern."

"What kind of place is this, exactly?" Ai demanded in a rising tone of voice. "Do you want us to be clientele or do you want us to take our business elsewhere? Because you sure don't act like it matters if you make a sale right now!"

The man slowly shook his head, still staring into the distance. "That matters not. Only the experience, the rejuvenation of your mind."

Before her friend could speak again, Rise quickly said, "Two! We'll take two, and a couple of scones. Or whatever cake. Just bring us something."

The other two looked a little surprised, but the man did nod and move off behind the counter. "Got rid of Mr. Intensity 1994," Ai whispered. "I'm impressed, Kujikawa."

"Thank you, thank you. I'm doing my best!" She gave an exaggerated wink and giggle, earning her a long sigh from the other girl. "Okay, okay. So now we're here, we ordered coffee. What's up next?"

"You're asking me? I thought you were some big expert on friendship. Everybody knows you."

Rise smiled, looking around at the rest of the customers in the cafe. People going about their lives. "You would really think so, wouldn't you?"

"Hmm?"

"Listen. Just because I'm popular now doesn't mean I always was. Nobody expected me to amount to anything my whole life. And my parents… I still don't think they care about me. When I was little, all they wanted was for me to behave myself, so I did my best, like I always do, hoping that would earn their love. At least my grandmother has always believed in me, but even her, I would overhear her talking to my mom, telling her how worried she was that I wasn't going to be able to find my way in life. So… until I won that idol competition, I pretty much thought I was trash along with everybody else."

There was a small noise from the other side of the table. When she looked up, she could see Ebihara's lips squirming. "Ugh. It's really hard not to insult you when it's so easy. You're making it easy! Are you trying to trip me up on purpose?"

"What? No! God, can you stop being so paranoid? I'm really opening up to you — and you're the one over there coming up with insults!"

"FINE!" But immediately after half-shouting that, she ducked her head and covered her eyes. "No… you're right, I'm being a dick. Ignore me."

"Yeah, that might be a little difficult when the whole point of today is me getting to know you," she laughed.

"UGH."

"Hey. You seemed to talk with no problem last night, over text. Is it just harder to do it in person?"

This time, despite being taller than Rise, Ebihara looked small and helpless. With visible effort, she leaned forward and whispered, "I don't have to hear people's tone."

"Huh? What tone?"

"Mocking tone. You… tease me, everybody's teasing me… it's been like that my entire life. I had to change my behavior and assert my dominance, take control of my destiny. Or I would have been kicked around forever. Surely you can understand, after what you just told me."

Rise started to defend herself, the words were on the tip of her tongue. But she forced herself to say nothing until she had fully absorbed everything her schoolmate was telling her. Then she reached across to grasp Ebihara's wrist — ignoring the way she started at the touch.

"I'm not making fun of you all the time. Teasing you sometimes, yeah, a little. Nothing major. But even when I do that, it doesn't mean I think you're stupid, or not a person! You're just a huge bitch to everybody and I feel like you deserve being poked at now and then. To keep your head from getting too big."

Though her friend had tensed all over at the b-word, she relaxed as she listened to the rest, even if her expression was not too terribly thrilled. "I guess I am a huge bitch. But everybody else was to me first. I thought that's what I had to do to survive."

"Yeah," she chuckled. "It's a pretty valuable skill. I had to learn that one, too, but I also learned to start off with a big smile. So it's… kinda both? Works out best using both but starting with charm."

"Hmm… I don't… have that." Now she just looked completely lost. "You're probably sitting there thinking how pathetic this all is. How pathetic I am."

"Nope. Just that it's really sad everybody around you was so mean that they turned you into Regina George. It's not your fault. I think you probably did the best you could to be fabulous instead of frustrated."

"I did. And when we moved to Inaba, I swore to myself that I would never be bullied again. That I would take control of my destiny and totally reinvent myself. And I did! But I guess… you and Narukami have really proven to me that my journey isn't finished yet."

"Nope," she said with a big grin. And this time…

Ai smiled back at her. The expression was hesitant, the smile tiny, and her eyes were just as sad as they had been before. But it was such a big step in the right direction that Rise felt her heart leap in her chest. It was working! Maybe deep down, she had believed it was a pointless endeavour, but it was working against all those odds. Miracles happened every day.

"I got you," Rise said quietly, gripping tighter. "For real."

"Gross. But… thank you." The moment passed, and Ai pulled her hands back into her lap with a clearing of her throat. "Ugh, too much sharing and caring. Now I feel weird. Where is our goddamn coffee?!"

"Right here."

Both girls practically threw their chairs back from the table as their intimidating waiter set down a tray in front of them. As requested, two cups of coffee, and two scones.

"Oh… I, u-uh, thanks," Rise managed with a shaky smile. "What do we owe you?"

"Perhaps nothing. Perhaps… everything. Only time will tell." As he adjusted his sunglasses, a gleam reflected from the lighting; it was oddly cinematic. Privately, Rise thought she should probably mention this guy to the next casting director she worked for.

"Freak," Ai muttered as she pulled her cup of coffee closer once he had left them in peace. "Alright, it smells pretty good, but strong… should we just suck it up and, well, suck it up?"

Giggling, she said, "Good one. Alright… one, two… three!" Both of them took a healthy swallow.

And the world turned itself inside-out. The twisting in their guts couldn't possibly have been natural. Who would craft such a beverage? Why did they hate humanity?! It was as if they were being directly injected with adrenaline, all while the warmest, darkest creature ever spawned tried to claw its way out of their stomachs. This was far too much for any teenage girl to be expected to tolerate. In fact…

In fact…

                                                                  ~ o ~

When Rise came back to herself, she found she was lying down. Why? And where was she?

Once she sat up, she saw the barely-familiar surroundings of Cafe Chagall and only felt her confusion grow. Did she really pass out in the middle of a restaurant?! This was going to be some spectacular tabloid fodder if anyone had recognised her and decided to whip out their cell phone; not that everyone would do that, but just enough people to make it a concern. They would probably all start whispering about her having an underage drinking problem.

Well, to hell with that. Careful not to rub her face so she didn't smudge her barely-there makeup, she pinched the bridge of her nose and looked around.

"Oh."

Ebihara was blinking across at her, in a similar dazed state. Then she suddenly scooted away… on the long bench they were perched upon. Which wasn't even where they had begun — they were at a table with chairs! Though if they were both like that, it probably meant…

She had been lying with her head in Ai's lap. Wasn't that a little too close for them barely being friends?

"What… the hell…?"

"What did you do to me?" Ai breathed, her hazel eyes wide, chest rising and falling rapidly. Then a little more strongly, "Hey, I did not sign up for this. You had better explain yourself right now."

"Me?! Are you kidding? You had better be kidding, I really hope you don't think I could do something like-"

"Well I never thought we could have some kind of serial killer in a crappy little town like Inaba, either, and look how that turned out!"

Rise shook her head out firmly, clutching it through her hair as she pushed all that from her mind and tried to focus. "That coffee... call me crazy, but I think… that had something to do with it?"

"You are correct."

Both girls just about jumped out of their skin again before Ebihara shot to her feet and snapped, "Are you insane? I should have my daddy sue you for trying to frighten us to death!"

"To die would be a grand adventure," the mysterious man replied, eyes still shrouded by his sunglasses.

"Wow, not your choice. As soon as you're done spouting weird mystical crap, you can see about giving us a refund."

A long pause. "We do not believe in the myth of refunds."

"Just give us our money!"

                                                                  ~ o ~

"Well, I guess that was kind of a bust."

Ebihara looked as furious as Rise had ever seen her look as they stomped their way out the door. "Can you believe that weird old man? He might even have been some kind of creep — maybe he did things to us while we were unconscious! He-"

Suddenly, she stopped dead in her tracks, and Rise nearly ran into her. "Wha- hey! What's wrong? I hope you're not thinking about going back in there, I've had enough!"

"No… no, I suppose he wasn't a creep. Or he would have…"

With no forewarning, Ai took a sharp left and speedwalked inside Croco Fur. It was all Rise could do to keep up with her, still completely bewildered as to the reasons behind her bizarre behavior.

"Hello hello!" called out the cheerful woman behind the counter, bowing quickly. "Welcome! It's been a while, Miss Ebihara!"

"Yeah, yeah," she replied distractedly as she glanced behind her, as if she were running from some kind of demon. But the only one there was Rise — whose eyebrows were lifted so high they were practically part of her hairline now. "U-um, what do you have that's on sale?"

The woman started. "On sale? You've never been interested in that before, you just wanted to know what was new or trendy. And then told me-" She suddenly cut off and cleared her throat with an awkward smile. "My apologies, you can shop for whatever you want, of course!"

"Thanks, Reiko. C'mon."

Rise nearly stumbled when she was suddenly being dragged across the room toward sale racks. But she was too poised to actually faceplant; all that modeling experience.

"Okay," she hissed once they were in the corner, their lowered voices covered by sugary pop music playing overhead. "Spill, Ebi. What's gotten into you?"

"I'm just… really creeped out about that guy. Sorry." Ai finally refocused on her companion and grimaced. "Sorry, really. I know I'm acting like a spaz."

"Yeah! I mean, I'm freaking a little myself, but I'm pretty sure he just moved us to that couch because we passed out. Wow, what does he put in that coffee?!"

Out of nowhere, Ebihara started to chuckle. The sound was so unexpected that Rise just blinked at her for a moment, bewildered, before she finally started to laugh along with her. Then they were clutching each other's shoulders to keep from falling over due to the overwhelming power of their mirth.

"What the hell?!" Ebi finally giggled. "It's… not funny, it's terrifying!"

"I know!" she laughed back, wiping her eyes with her free hand. "We should probably call the police or something!"

Nodding as she grinned down at her friend, the girl who was normally such a bitch now looked like she was having the time of her life. Such a stark contrast. "Okay… okay, I'm done. We should probably shop so we don't look stupid."

Which they did. They didn't find much of interest, but they did enjoy flicking through the racks and commenting on how bad some of the selections were. Ebihara found a scarf she rather liked, even though it wasn't scarf weather, and Rise found a tube top with a popular cartoon character in the middle that Ai confirmed was cute enough that she could work it. A few other odds and ends ended up at the register by the time they were through. They soon departed with their bags of goods, in much better spirits than when they had woken up.

"Oh, I needed to pick up something else," Rise quickly spoke up when Ai started to turn toward the train station steps.

"Hm? What?"

"My friend needs a poster for… well, it's Yukiko. She needs a poster for Chie's birthday."

Ebihara smirked slightly. "You forgot I actually know who they are, didn't you?" When Rise only squirmed, she shrugged. "I know. This is officially the first time I have ever been nice to anyone, so you probably forgot I was the same person as that raging cunt from Yasogami High."

"Hey, I never said 'raging cunt' in my mind," she hissed at her. "So do you know where we could get something like that? A poster from an old kung fu movie?"

"Hmm… yeah. I mean, not for sure, but there's a place right down that way. Not far."

                                                                  ~ o ~

Okina Books wasn't especially bustling, even for the weekend. Few customers were poking around its crowded innards, in search of CDs or books or DVDs to fill gaps in their collections. The world's oldest music was playing from the loudspeakers, and Rise tried not to cringe; was this really the most modern choice available from their stock? It didn't even sound like it was from this millennium.

"Hey, Ebihara."

"Hey, Ohashi," Ai said to the cashier. She knew that overweight guy? Ai knew that guy?! "Anything new for me?"

With a little shrug, he stuffed the rest of his Pocky stick into his mouth and prised himself out of his seat to rummage around behind the counter. At first, Rise wasn't even sure he had heard her — until he came up with a CD that looked just as old as what was currently playing. If not older.

"'Purity'," he told her with slightly more enthusiasm than before. "With the original obi. This is some choice city pop, believe me."

Ai picked it up and tapped her chin. "Ritsuko Kurosawa… yeah, I don't know her. Really, who is… wait, did she do 'Hot Boy'? Or was that not her?"

"YES! Poor Rizco, she really didn't quite hit her target audience… just…" He made a whooshing motion with his hand over the glass countertop. "Blew on past and nobody saw her."

"I'll see her," Ebihara breathed with her eyes closed. Then she sighed and said, "Alright, how much?"

"Oh, two thousand."

"That's it? Wow, you spoil me." She handed over a couple of thousand Yen notes. Rise thought that might have been a little steep for an old CD, but not too unreasonable. "Any luck on…?"

They both looked up at the ceiling when she pointed, and Rise's eyes followed. It was still the same upbeat disco as before. "Oh, Mariya?" he chuckled easily. "I'm sorry!" His words of English were practically in time with the woman singing the very same, and Ai laughed with him. "No, no, it hasn't popped up on my radar. Sorry, really. But you'll be the first to know; I would call you for that one."

"Um… I don't get it," Rise finally put in with a slight laugh. "What are we talking about?"

"'Plastic Love'," they both said at the same time.

"I… huh?"

"It is pretty obscure," Ohashi admitted with a shrug at her. "Didn't chart much back in the 80s, either. Can't really blame you for looking at us like we're from… Mars…"

But now that was precisely how he was looking at her. He didn't even have to speak and Rise already knew what was coming; she had seen that look a thousand times before, and she was already summoning up her skills of both acting and diplomacy. Bracing for impact.

"Wait… are you-?"

"Yep!" she said cheerfully, but quietly. "But I'm just here with my friend, so if you could please-"

"Whoa, whoa, Risette is in my store. This is a special occasion!" Laughing a little more, he whispered from behind his hand, "Listen. You sign one of my copies of 'True Story' and I will comp you two whatever you want! Er, within reason, of course. Don't bankrupt me!"

Though Ebihara looked a little embarrassed that he was reacting this way, Rise quickly said, "I would be happy to just because you asked. Just one, though; I want to focus on my time with my friend here."

"Naturally." Then he was hissing at Ai, "Why didn't you tell me you knew Risette?"

"Because I have only gotten to know her recently," she sighed impatiently. "Guess it doesn't matter that I am a loyal customer."

"Well, it does, but… I mean… look, it's Risette."

"Yes, I am aware," she told him frostily before storming off into the recesses of the bookstore.

Honestly, Rise couldn't blame her. Even while she was cheerfully responding to Ohashi's gushing and relenting to sign not one but two copies of her last single for him, she felt a little twinge of guilt for stealing Ai's thunder — no matter how unintentional. But what else could she have done? Now all she could do was hope her new friend wasn't so upset that their tentative friendship ended before it began.

                                                                  To Be Continued…

[serendipitous-magic]

Question Game - AKA Oversharing Hour

I was tagged by @the-angry-pixie​! And I’m a chronic oversharer, so this was fun. I’ll put most of it under a read more line because there’s a LOT.

1. Do you prefer writing with a black pen or blue pen? 

Black. Dunno why.

2. Would you prefer to live in the country or city? 

City city city city city city city city. I’m already going fucking batshit as it is, trapped in suburbia. I want to be able to actually do things, anything. Anything other than just being around the house and / or work. (And I felt like this before the pandemic started.) If you live in the city you can walk out your door and be somewhere else within like 5 minutes. A city park, a cafe, a train/subway, a local attraction, a museum, an artist’s booth, an outdoor market, etc. etc. 

Living in suburbia is like, well, to go literally anywhere you have to get into your car first and drive like 10 minutes minimum to get out of the neighborhood, and then if you want to go anywhere that’s not the grocery store you have to drive 20 minutes to get to another area of town, and then once you get there that’s the only place you can be without getting into your car again and getting a nice shot of anxiety from having to drive in traffic and have aggressive drivers roar up on your ass because you’re going 5mph above the speed limit and they want to be going 15mph above, and god help you if you have to merge, and oh by the way this is your only option to get around because public transit doesn’t really exist in any useful way in Big Suburbia, and nothing in within walking distance of your house except like 2 playgrounds and maybe one (1) gas station. (I hate it here lmao)

If I was trapped in the country I’d probably be chill with it for about a week, and enjoy the break, and the on day 8 I’d snap and go on a murdering spree out of stir-craziness.

3. If you could learn a new skill what would it be? 

I want to learn German and eventually be fluent in it. But since I’ve already started trying to learn and I don’t know if that counts, I’ll say cinematography. As in the actual working of the camera and lighting and all that. I can dream up some pretty striking images but actually getting the camera to do the settings needed to capture them is another story entirely.

4. Do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar? 

Nope. I drink coffee and tea both, and I don’t put any kind of sweetener in either of them. I used to put a shitton of sugar in my coffee and honey in my tea, and then I had some mild eating disorder struggles in college and I never got back in the habit of putting stuff in my hot drinks after that. It just tastes wrong now, after being used to plain black coffee.

5. What was your favourite book as a child? 

Either the Harry Potter series or The Hobbit. My grandma would take care of me a lot when I was really little because my parents both worked full time to support us, and every single time I was at her house she’d sit us down at the dining room table and read something to me. Not Junie B. Jones or anything, either, but real, big, thick books. I loved the shit out of Harry Potter and The Hobbit; I would request them repeatedly. We pretty much went back and forth; we’d read Harry Potter, and then The Hobbit, and then when a new Harry Potter book came out we’d read that, and then The Hobbit again, and so on and so forth.

6. Do you prefer baths or showers? 

Showers. I love baths, they’re magical, but ain’t nobody got time for that unless it’s a special occasion. I got too much shit to do to spend an hour lying in the bathtub.

7. If you could be a mythical creature, which one would it be? 

Vampire. Purely on the basis that if I was immortal maybe I’d finally have time to get my to-do list done and accomplish things. I’d miss the sunlight though.

8. Paper or electronic books? 

Paper. Here’s the thing, I really want to enjoy ebooks, but they just don’t hold my attention at all. Maybe I’m too conditioned by the internet to have a short attention span when I’m looking at a screen, idk.

9. What is your favourite item of clothing? 

I have a dark gray hoodie from the Seattle Aquarium from when I went on a road trip across America with my BFF a few years ago. It’s still my absolute favorite thing. I also enjoy my hiking boots a lot. (I wear them all the time, really they should just be called “everyday boots” haha)

10. Do you like your name or would you like to change it?

I like my name and I would also like to start going by something different. Probably just because I’m a restless soul and I feel the best (and least trapped) when I’m on the move or when things are changing. The second I get somewhere I want to be somewhere else. That’s just how I am. Gwen is a cool name (I’ve personally met maybe 3 people in my whole life with the same name, face-to-face), but there’s a lot attached to that nickname that I don’t necessarily want to carry with me when I eventually escape my hometown and start down a new path.

11. Who is a mentor to you? 

A friend and former professor whom I usually refer to online as Producer Man. He’s a producer (as you may have guessed) who kind of took me under his wing after I was in one of his film classes in college. We work together on film projects now and he’s teaching me bit-by-bit (usually by way of long, rambling, tangential stories / lectures) about the industry. He’s a really good guy. Like, he for sure has a case of Old White Guy sometimes, but his heart is absolutely in the right place. “He’s a little confused, but he’s got the spirit.” He’s always leaving $10 tips at coffee places and working himself to the bone to get his students connected to jobs and internships that will help them with their careers. 

12. Would you like to be famous and if so, what for? 

Yes, my stories. Actually, “famous” is not the right word. It’s just that fame is so tightly associated with success in our society. I want to be successful. Whether I’m widely known or not is pretty inconsequential to me. I want to make stories and I want them to have an impact. Books, film, etc. It’s about as simple as that.

13. Are you a restless sleeper? 

Oh yeah. I have trouble  sleeping as much as I should because I usually kind of jerk awake in the morning with this vague feeling that I forgot something or that I’m late for something. Also I stay up later than I should because I’m a night owl, and yet I like being up early because early mornings are great. And usually if I dream at all it’s something kind of stressful, like I dream that I forgot something important or did something wrong. I’m a Stressed Bean. 

14. Do you consider yourself a romantic person? 

I think so, yeah. I’m pretty obsessed with the idea of romance (I mean look at my OTPs), but heteronormativity got me fucked up enough that I’m bad at actually navigating real romantic feelings or relationships because society never prepared me for The Gay.

15. Which element best represents you? 

Fire, probably.

16. Who do you want to be closer to? 

My mom. We fight a lot and there tends to be a lot of tension between us. It’s a long complicated story. It boils down to, she really hurt me when I came out as not-straight at 15 and she lost all of my trust and even though she’s working on being less homophobic we’re still kind of trying to repair that divide seven years later.

17. Do you miss someone at the moment? 

Dude, I miss everyone. I’m an introvert and I’d love to be at a big party right now. I miss socialization. (As does everyone.) 

18. Tell us about an early childhood memory. 

The first time I experienced deja vu, I was about eehhh 6? And I legitimately believed, for several years of my life, that I had future-predicting abilities. Like, supernatural-level future-predicting abilities. Because I didn’t really know what deja vu was, so I thought, every time it happened, that I had already ~seen~ that moment in my dreams or something. 🤣

19. What is the strangest thing you have eaten? 

Hm. (My immature ass brain yells “DICK.” No, brain. Those were dark heteronormative times. Also, grow up.) 

Probably some of the sushi in Seattle. I actually love sushi, it’s just that when it has full-on legs and eyeballs I start getting a little squeamish. I like the rolls and the kind where there’s some fish meat laid out on a nice little bed of rice, that’s delicious. But when they brought out the whole shrimp with legs still attached, I was like “How in the (redacted) am I going to chew / swallow that.”

20. What are you most thankful for? 

That I happened to be living with family when this pandemic hit. I was supposed to move out (and across the country, actually) as of... like 4 days ago, as it happens. That was the plan. Plane ticket was gonna be booked for 7/15/20. Obviously, things didn’t quite work out that way, because of the pandemic and a few other reasons. But I can’t imagine if I had been in an apartment living with roommates, or in an apartment on my own struggling to get by, when this happened. A lot of people couldn’t pay rent and lost their homes. I was very, very lucky to be where I was, when I was, and very lucky that I have family who let me stay in their house pretty much indefinitely while this clusterfuck of a year happens.

21. Do you like spicy food? 

Yes! I looooove spicy thai food especially. I miss the massaman curry from a local Thai place so much 😭

22. Have you ever met someone famous? 

Um. Maybe? I met Veronica Roth once at an author talk in the library where I work, although it was before I worked there. And I met some guy from New Zealand who’s famous for his sword fighting skills because my dad does sword fighting stuff. Don’t remember his name though.

23. Do you keep a diary or journal? 

Yep. I have to write down everything or I forget. (I often say I have the memory of a goldfish.) Also, I have this compulsion to record and preserve my experiences in life, because I feel like our time on Earth is so fleeting and if I don’t write down what’s important to me, I’ll forget it and lose it.

24. Do you prefer to use a pen or a pencil? 

Pen. Pencil gets smudged.

25. What is your star sign? 

Scorpio, which is ironic because they’re supposed to be ~hyper sexual~ I guess, and I’m like gray-ace or something in that zone.

26. Do you like your cereal soggy or crunchy? 

Crunchy. Who eats soggy cereal? Are you okay? Do you need help? This is an intervention. 

27. What would you want your legacy to be? 

My stories. Life and sentience, as we experience it, is made up of just that: experience. And I read somewhere that, on some level, the human brain doesn’t differentiate that much between real life experiences and fictional experiences. I think that’s true. If you read or watch or hear the right story, it can really touch you and change the way you see life, or even change the way you live life. Stories have an incredible amount of power, both in individual people’s lives and in larger society. A huge amount of power. I want to be able to give people experiences that will Enrich Their Lives (do I sound like a lifestyle coach yet? 🤦🏼‍♀️), but also stories that actively do good in society. Positive representation, body positivity/neutrality, diversity, healthy relationships (Hollywood has a real problem with that). Hope. It’s the best thing I can think to give society, and storytelling is what I love to do.

28. Do you like reading, what was the last book you read? 

I love reading. I wish I did it more. Part of my problem is that I get caught up in the hectic Rat Race of modern society and I never feel like I have time to sit down with a book for hours. Another problem of mine is that I start too many things at once, meaning I currently have like 5-10 (I lost count) books that I started reading, and I want to finish all of them, which means no progress ever gets done on any of them.

I last finished The Goldfinch, and I am currently working on The Secret History, Good Omens, Dune, a book my dad wrote, Directing Actors, Shot by Shot, The Way of Kings and I forget what else.

29. How do you show someone you love them? 

Physical affection, acts of service, words of affirmation, quality time, and gifts, in that order. If I’m close to someone, whether romantically or not, I want all the affection. And I’m kind of dying in quarantine. 

30. Do you like ice in your drinks? 

Depends. I usually don’t put any in, because it’s just gonna water down the drink and get in the way of drinking it (you know when the ice attacks your face?), but I don’t really mind ice in my drinks.

31. What are you afraid of? 

Helplessness. I Have Control Issues. ✌️ Also stagnation.

32. What is your favourite scent? 

Amber. Or any scent that’s kind of autumn-y. You know what I mean. Some other examples include dryer sheets, wood smoke, cigarette smoke (my big sister used to smoke a long long time ago, and although I never saw her do it, I still associate the scent with her), pine resin, rain, that Mahogany Woods scent from Bath and Bodyworks.

33. Do you address older people by their name or surname? 

If they introduce themselves as Pam I call them Pam. If they introduce themselves as Mr. Brown I call them Mr. Brown.

34. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life? 

 If “money is not a factor” means I have an infinite amount of money to spend as I wish, then: buy land, build film studio complex on land, found company, hire fellow creatives, make movies.

If “money is not a factor” just means that I don’t have to work 40 hours a week to afford rent, then: move to Chicago, rent a nice studio apartment, write stories, maybe work 15 hours a week at a used bookstore or coffee shop to get me out of the house and socialize. Go to museums, go to the park, walk along Lake Michigan, go to gay bars, ride the train, brave the Illinois winters, own a cat, paint, play guitar. Build my actual career on writing / storytelling. Probably also do some filmmaking.

Alternatively: buy an RV (not like an American Trailer Park shitty RV, I’m talking the NOICE ones), buy good film equipment, be a freelancer, live in RV driving around to wherever the next filming location is. Life is a road trip and I’m doing what I love. Writing, storytelling, filmmaking. My home would travel with me. Writing in cafes; roadside attractions; early mornings on the road with coffee in the cup holder as the sun comes up; being able to go anywhere to film; always experiencing something new.

35. Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean? 

I’ve lived in a landlocked state my whole life, so I guess swimming pools. And, listen, I CANNOT get water in my mouth at the beach without wondering exactly how many kids have peed (or worse) in that water. (I know that’s a thing with pools too, but pools get cleaned.)

36. What would you do if you found £50 on the ground? 

Wonder what some poor European is doing in America right now. But if it was $50, I’d probably yell “DID ANYONE DROP THIS?” and then take it if no one speaks up.

37. Have you ever seen a shooting star? 

A few times, yeah.

38. What is the one thing you would want to teach your children? 

Grades are not the end-all-be-all. Skip some homework assignments to spend time with friends. Skip class sometimes. I’m serious. If you make school your top priority, even over your own personal life, you will come away with good grades and a lot of regret and missed opportunities. Learning is HELLA important, and very very little of it happens inside a school building. Get a 15 hour weekend or after-school job in high school, befriend your coworkers, and have fun with it. Use your paychecks however you want. Join a school club - one that you’re actually interested in. Do stupid shit. Light your textbooks on fire after graduation or go to the 24 hour Wendy’s at 2am with your friends or kiss that person you met at summer camp or sleep on the porch because it’s too hot to sleep inside. Be smart and safe, but follow your whims. If you let yourself fall into routine, apathy will poison you.

39. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it? 

I already have a couple small ones, but the one I want next is a four-leaf clover. Don’t know where. Maybe my right inner wrist or maybe an ankle. Or like behind my ear. Luck has saved me so many times. (See above, with how I happened to be living with family when COVID hit.)

40. What can you hear now? 

Swamp cooler downstairs, the clock ticking in my office, cars outside, people moving around the house. I’m surprised the neighbor kids aren’t shrieking their absolute heads off as per the usual. 

41. Where do you feel the safest? 

When I’m alone and unobserved. 

42. What is the one thing you want to overcome/conquer? 

TMI warning, but I absolutely despise public bathrooms. How am I expected to pee when there’s somebody sitting like three (3) feet away, with only a partial wall between us, hearing everything that’s going on? My fight or flight response simply will not allow it. It’s too awkward and therefore Not Safe. Either that public restroom has to be empty except for me, or it has to be so loud and bustling that ain’t nobody hearing anything. Anything in-between and I’m in hell.

43. If you could travel back to any era, what would it be? 

The ‘80s. Let’s be honest, even that far back makes my life (as a woman, and as a gay person) hella difficult. But, consider this: it’s the ‘80s. Furthermore, consider this: a part-time job might have actually supported me and paid rent back then 😱 Holy fucking shit. Sign me up. I just wouldn’t want to go any further than than like 1980, because again: lesbian. Being a woman in the past = even harder than it is today, being gay in the past = even harder than it is today, being a gay woman in the past = oh no.

44. What is your most used emoji? 

In order of descending frequency:

😂🙄😊😁🤦🏼‍♀️👀😬🌈🤷🏼‍♀️😙

45. Describe yourself using one word. 

Creative

46. What do you regret the most?

Wasting my entire teenage experience. (See #38.) I did quite literally nothing with my life except homework for like 18 years. If I had taken even a tenth as much time for myself as I did for school, I would be so much farther along as a person today.

47. Last movie you saw? 

In the theaters? ........ uh. Shit, I don’t actually remember. It’s been like 5 months. (As it has for everyone.) But the last movie I watched was Lights Out, because I’ve been watching the director’s youtube channel. You could tell it was low-budget and that the director was still kind of finding his stride, but it had a lot of heart behind it and the creators clearly gave a fuck, which made it enjoyable. I am firmly in the camp of “not everything has to be a Magnum Opus or have a multi-billion dollar budget to be a good movie.” If I engaged with it and got some sort of emotional experience out of it, and if it had a good message, I consider it a good movie.

48. Last tv show you watched? 

I don’t usually watch a whole lot of TV shows (who has the time?) but I think the last thing I watched was either The Witcher or that new Unsolved Mysteries miniseries on Netflix. Oh and I was watching Dead to Me because I just love Linda Cardellini’s face and I want to wrap Judy up in a blanket and cuddle the shit out of her and protect her from all things 🥺 My precious beautiful unstable sweet murder baby.

49. Invent a word and it’s meaning. 

Apapanic. It’s where you’re so stressed about things that half of your brain is panicking but the other half is so overwhelmed that it circled all the way back around to being calm to the point of apathy, so you just kind of sit there like

[thepropertylovers]

Feature Friday with Jorge Valencia and Morgan King

Happy Friday, y’all. After a few days of bad weather, we’re looking forward to enjoying the sunshine this weekend with some trips out to the land to get some fresh air and let the kiddos run around. Any fun plans you’re looking forward to?

Today’s Feature Friday is a beautiful couple who takes turns answering questions and discuss their coming out stories, what their environment was like growing up, and where they see themselves in 5 years. We loved getting to know Jorge and Morgan and we think you will, too. Check out what we mean below…

What is your favorite place that you’ve ever travelled to and why? Zermatt, Switzerland. We went there on our honeymoon because we love skiing together and the food is incredible, too. The slopes there are really amazing and we really improved our technique.

Where did you grow up? What was your environment like? Jorge: I was raised catholic and I would go to church every Sunday with my parents when I was a kid. But at some point during my early teens, my brother and I started questioning and disagreeing with a lot that we would hear the priest say. We eventually stopped going. My parents were very respectful of that and never forced us to go. Mexico City is like 99% catholic so we didn’t get to experience a lot of other religions or denominations, so iit wasn't until I moved to New York City that I realized I could find another church that aligned better with the way I think.

Morgan: I call myself a recovering evangelical. It’s almost like waking up after years in a different reality where women couldn’t be leaders, education was an afterthought, and I could never, not in a million years, be with a man. Now, I’m only about 1000 miles away from my hometown but it feels like a whole different world. 

How did that shape who you are as a person? J: My parents are both scientists, so that for sure had an influence on my interests and on what I do now. Besides science, they were also very vocal about trying to be as happy as we can by surrounding ourselves with people we love, doing something you’re passionate about and being healthy. That’s been stuck in my mind since I was a kid.

M: The (one?) good thing about evangelicalism is hope. I have hope for a better world, a better future, and even though I view the world really differently than I once did, that hope is still very much alive. 

What is one thing you love about yourself? J: I think I am very determined. It might take me some time to make up my mind about something but once I decide I want to do something I won’t stop until it’s done.

M: My enthusiasm about little things.

What brings you the most joy in life? J: Little traditions that Morgan and I have like going to the Macy’s parade on Thanksgiving or re-watching Gilmore Girls (only!) in the fall even though we end up disliking Rory even more every time we watch it.

M: Those simple days when life together is just plain good.

How old were you when you came out? What was your experience like? J: I was 19. I told myself I would come out when I was in a relationship and that’s what I did. The night I decided to come out to my parents I couldn’t stop crying. My parents found me in my room and, after a few hours and many tears, I told them.

M: I was 23. I had always been attracted to men, but I didn’t realize (or hadn’t seen, really) that actually loving a man might be an option. My first few months at seminary, I realized that being gay was a gift and part of my call to mininstry. A few months later, I wrote a 10 page paper explaining it all to my parents, hopped on a plane to Paris, and just got away from everything for a week.

How did your friends and family take it? J: I was lucky enough to have a very supportive family who has shown me a thousand times that they would do anything for me. Seeing them interact with Morgan is one of my greatest joys.

M: My parents didn’t come to our wedding this past December. I still love them. And I believe they love me, too. But love is complicated. Needless to say, I don’t see anyone from home much. 

What did you learn about yourself in the coming out process? J: I spent most of my teen years angry at myself and at life. At the time I didn't know why I felt like that but looking back it is probably because I knew I was different, but I didn’t know if I would ever have the courage to come out and be myself. But once I did, I let go of all that anger as well.

M: I learned that being different is dangerous, but also that it doesn’t have to be that way. 

What would you tell today’s LGBTQ youth who are struggling to come out in fear they won’t be accepted by family, friends, society? J: Coming out is one of the best things you can do. There’s nothing compared to that feeling of freedom that you get after doing it. It is liberating. But it is also very hard depending on your background, so I would say make sure that you have a support system. If you’re worried your family is not gonna react the way you want them, make sure you have a friend or someone to talk to before coming out to them. And also remember it takes time for them to adjust and get used to the idea. Give them time.

M: Acceptance is important, but finding the ability, somehow, to not let anyone else define you might be even better.

What is a difficult or challenging obstacle you've overcome in your life or hope to overcome? J: turns out getting a PhD in biomedical sciences is way harder than I expected. It involves facing a lot of frustration, self-doubt and more anxiety I ever thought I would have to deal with.

M: Some days are more difficult than others, trying to balance my pride and love of my life with Jorge and my commitment to my family even when they aren’t supportive.

Who is your biggest inspiration and why? J: My parents because I am where I am right now thanks to them. They went to grad school while my brother and I were in elementary school, and now as a grad student myself I don’t know how they raised two kids and got their PhDs. They even held down jobs at the same time to give me and my brother everything we needed. Also, Morgan’s strength and love inspire me everyday. It is easy to give up on relationships after you’re hurt or when you don’t exactly get what you need out of a one, but he chooses to work on them instead of taking the easy way out. 

M: My mom’s dad (“Granddady”). He had an alcoholic father and was barely able to go to school because of having to help around the family farm. Around age 16, he left for the “big city” (Chattanooga) and ended up being the first in our family to go to college. He’s one of the kindest, most generous people I know [and, yes, of course Jorge is one of my heros, too :)]

Where do you see yourself in five years? J: I’ve lived in different cities since I started college but I have really fallen in love with New York so hopefully we will still be living here in 5 years even after I finish my PhD. I also see a puppy in our future.

M: We’ve actually both lived many places. I’ve moved 12 times in 8 years to 5 different cities. I am ready to find a more permanent home somewhere in New York with my husband.

Thank you so much Jorge & Morgan! We hope you have a beautiful weekend, friends and stay safe! xx

P&T

[blueplanettrash]

#Pride (Bi Lance Story)

This is for @phoenix-xox for completing my crossword puzzle second! Sorry for how long this took and I hope you like it! 💙

Ω

All his life, he knew he was “different”. He didn’t really feel things like other people did; sure he liked people, he liked a lot of people but he loved a lot of people too. Boys and girls. To many people that would be completely fine, who cares what gender he likes anyway? It’s none of their business.

Those are the people he liked, the ones that didn’t care about his love like, who he wanted to be with, etc.

It was the people who made it their business that pissed him off.

They all thought they were high and mighty, that just because he went to school with them, or that they even breathed the same air that they somehow had a right to judge him and who he finds attractive.

He’s glad now; years later that the thought of people hating him because of his sexuality angers him more than scares him.

But obviously, that wasn’t always the case. He was a kid once, just wanting to have his peers accept him for who he was. That his sexuality wasn’t something that anyone else could decide for him, and they weren’t allowed to tell him to just choose one.

As a kid, that’s daunting. Especially when you feel like you’re the only one in the world that feels that way. Then to have your classmates and friends start spouting bi-phobic bullshit without batting an eye really just struck home for him. Sometimes he would go home crying, sometimes he would go home a blank slate.

Thankfully, his family was very supportive. He would talk to his siblings, telling them all the things that he heard over the day. So many times, he had to tell them not to go to anybody about it. It was his problem and he wanted to deal with It on his own. He didn’t tell them that he just didn’t want everyone to know he was bi, at that time it was too much for him.

Going into space presented a whole other problem for him.

Number 1: The mind melds. They tried not to do to many of these activities after the first one. Yeah, they needed to learn to trust each other and although on Altea, it was a perfectly acceptable ice breaker; on Earth, it was a complete break of trust if someone wandered a bit too deep.

If they just happened to look into his mind and see his memories of school or talking to his family; he didn’t know what he’d do. Probably scream and tear off the headband and seclude himself for the rest of the day. Not very heroic for a paladin of Voltron, but whatever.

Number 2: They were beginning to encounter aliens, that looked far more human than the ones on Arus. He was pretty lucky that the mermaids he and Hunk had met were all girls, other wise it would have been awkward for him.

And finally, number 3: He wasn’t used to having such open friends before. Well, he didn’t know about other people but the people he became friends with before; they needed time to open up. It seemed like you needed to know someone for years before they would even tell him about who they’ve dated before. Like that was some huge scandalous secret.

Seriously Ryan, we were ten. Your mom is not gonna ground you because you held hands with Britany on the playground.

Either way, the point is that he didn’t have open friends before so when they all collapsed in the lounge after a rigorous training exercise and Shiro went:

“I miss my boyfriend,” he sighed, face smooshed into the lounge’s couch.

He was understandably in a state of shock.

“He’s not your boyfriend you know,” Keith smirked, dirt smeared across his face from when one of the gladiators tripped him and he fell on his face. “Besides, he wasn’t exactly supportive of your dreams before Kerberos,”

“Yeah, but still… I miss him,” Shiro lamented with a groan.

Lance was essentially stunned. He’d never even had a clue that Shiro was interested in relationships, let alone with another guy.

“What do you mean he wasn’t supportive?” Hunk asked and Lance’s head whipped over to Hunk. He wasn’t surprised? He glanced around the room and noticed that they weren’t shocked like he was, hell, Pidge wasn’t even looking up from her computer.

“Well, I had this whole “disease” thing going on,” Shiro said nonchalantly, turning over onto his back.

“Disease thing!? What are you talking about?” Hunk cried, suddenly panicked.

“Its like this degenerative disease, I’ve had it since I was a little kid, its not a big deal,”

“Is this real life?” Hunk asked, turning toward Keith.

“I know right? That was my reaction when he told me too,”

Lance felt like he was in a sort of limbo. Thankfully, no one really witnessed his inner dilemma and he was free to question everything. Shiro was so open with his sexuality and if he was being honest, he’d never seen someone be so blasé with their preferences. At that moment he wanted nothing more than to go:

“Hell yeah, I miss the earth bois too!”

But he was unsure. He knew Shiro and he knew his team. He knew that they wouldn’t judge him for anything but still, he had engrained in his mind that there were some people that you just can’t tell. Yeah, there were the people who believed that his sexuality didn’t exist and they were all over but, by far the worst people were the LGBT people that also said that he needed to choose one or the other. It never made sense to him, they knew what it felt like to beaten down and cursed at for their preferences. They fought tooth and nail to not be stigmatized yet, they would tear him down the first chance they got.

Thankfully, by going to the Garrison, he cut himself off from a lot of those people’s ideas and opinions of him. He went through his entire first year thinking the other shoe was gonna drop and someone from his hometown or old school was going to transfer over and start the whole process over again. It wouldn’t be that far off to say that he lived his school life in fear for a good part of his first year.

It was comforting to see that other people weren’t as backwards as he thought they were; or was lead to believe they were from growing up in his hometown.

Maybe he could speak up. But what if they think that he’d mocking Shiro or something? I mean, his blatant flirting with some of the alien girls would probably make them think that. He didn’t show any interest in any of the guys they’d come across so far, even though Rolo was a snack.

But, honey. That took effort on his part.

In the end, he decided to ignore the voice nagging in his head to say something and just laid back and enjoyed their night off.

Did he have a bit of a pit in his stomach the rest of the night? Yeah, he did.

Did he regret not saying anything? Not at all. He was uncomfortable and he did what he thought was right for him.

Did it feel good? Absolutely not.

Ω

He didn’t exactly know how they got on the topic of his sexuality. But suddenly he was just telling Shiro that he was bi. Maybe it was because he was sick of hiding it, maybe he felt like he was supposed to tell him. He honestly, didn’t know.

“Why didn’t you want to tell us?” Shiro asked with bewilderment. “I mean I kind of get not telling other people, but we’re pretty open here,”

“I mean we didn’t really have a heart to heart or anything like that,” he shrugged, while inside he was full on panicking.

“Oh, okay…” Shiro trailed off looking a little hurt.

“Look, it wasn’t you or anything… just, back home it wasn’t really “acceptable” to be bi? I guess?” Lance started, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. “I just didn’t know if you would be the same or not,” he admitted, ashamed.

“Wha- but I’m gay Lance! I wouldn’t do that!” Shiro cried, disbelief shining in his eyes.

“I know you would never do that, but it’s happened before and I was scared!” Lance defended himself, the feelings inside finally reaching threshold. Shiro watched him with wide eyes, unused to this “unhinged” version of his friend and teammate.

“It’s happened before?” Shiro asked softly. “Oh, Lance. I’m so sorry,”

“It’s fine. It wasn’t like it was you or anything,” he sighed, curling into himself.

“Well, I get that but I kind of was that person before,” he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. Lance head whipped up to look at him in shock. “I guess that takes away from my point before,”

“What?”

“I know. I was young and dumb and didn’t care about other people’s feelings,” he said shaking his head. “So, I am sorry. I’m sorry for my actions before and I’m sorry that people like me made it hard for you to be yourself,”

Lance paused in shock for a while, just trying to comprehend what he’d just heard. Takashi Shirogane used to be one of the people that made him hate himself when he was younger. His hero, could have been someone to tear him down.

“What changed?” He asked after a few minutes of uncomfortable silence.

“Honestly, Matt,” he answered. “Or moving to the Garrison. Before I didn’t really have that person to tell me that what I was saying or doing was wrong but Matt laid into me the first time I said anything around him,”

“So the Garrison changed both of our perspectives, huh?” Lance grinned, uncurling slightly. “Or cut us off from other people’s ideas at least,”

“Yeah, guess so,” Shiro hummed, sitting down beside him. “I hope that you’ll be able to open up to us someday,”

“Yeah, me too. It’s just… hard sometimes,”

“Well, don’t rush yourself  or anything, you should be able to feel comfortable around us,”

And eventually he was. He let himself pace himself and decide when he was ready to tell his friends. Sometimes he wished that he was able to tell them sooner, or forced himself to tell them sooner. The battle with himself is half the journey though and now…

He can be who he truly is.

[kaptain-k-pop]

(13/13) Now on to the new mission (which is about to be old real quick sorry 😭 I’ll try to get better at replying in a timely manner). How about Adore U, Mansae, Pretty U, Very Nice, Clap, and Call Call Call? I hope you’re having a good week so far! ❤️

Omg don't even worry about it!!! look at how long it took me to finish answering all of these (I'm so sorry, I had a busy week and totally forgot that I didn't finish answering this last one!!)

Okay, so

Adore U: What’s your favorite aesthetic?

Hmmm I like lots of different aesthetics, one that I really appreciate is cute but also i'll-fuck-you-up vibes? lmao. Like wearing my leather jacket with a cute skirt and a bow or when I have my nails done all pretty and I'm cleaning them out with my pocket knife, lol. I also like listening to loud/heavy/aggressive/rock/punk/rap things like that in my headphones while I'm knitting or crocheteting because I find the idea of people seeing this tiny girl knitting a sweater and being like 'I wonder what she's listening to?' And it's like, secretly Day6, or Dreamcatcher, or MCR, or something very humorous 😂😂😂

Mansae: What is something you really want right now?

Other than a government that doesn't make me feel more and more frustrated and hopeless about the future every day I wake up? Haha. Ha...

Okay on a less melodramatic note, I used to have a debit account that I opened at a bank in the town I went to college in, but since I'll no longer be living in that town obviously I closed the account before I left. And so now the only card I have in my wallet is one that's attached to an account that's in my dad's name (he gave it to me for gas when I started driving so I wouldn't have to worry about carrying cash on me for gas, and I've been the only one who uses it since then) and I do have cash, and most of the time I pat for things in cash but when it comes to buying things online *cough*likekpopalbums*cough* you need a card to pay for that... and the only card I have in my wallet is my 'gas card' since I closed my debit account when I moved back home... so whatever I use that card for my dad can see because that account is still under his name, and I mean I have the cash for it in my own savings it's just the the actual online transaction requires a card and currently the only card I have is to an account he can see... 👀

so I really need to set up a new debit account at the bank in my hometown so that I can have a card that I can use to spend my money without my dad knowing about all of my purchases

And so that he doesn't get emails like "we think that this $140 charge is probably fraud" and then me having to be like "haha no, that's your disappointment of a daughter trying to buy kpop albums 😅" and having to explain to him why on God's green earth I am Like This™ ahdhsksagdhskdjdj

Tl;Dr: I wanna set up a new debit account so that I'll be able to spend (my own) money without my dad knowing about the things I buy 😅

Pretty U: If you were to write a book, what would it be about?

Hmmm, I've never thought about writing a book 🤔 I do write poetry (sometimes, when I feel like I have a good idea) so maybe a book of poetry? Although when I took a poetry workshop class in college we had to complete a portfolio to submit at the end of the semester so I had to have like, 18 poems that I was happy with written by the end of the semester to put in a booklet, and that was a little challenging for me because I'm a chronic procrastinator and a lazy perfectionist... 👀 so it might be a struggle for me to write a whole book of poems and be happy enough with it to get it published, lol 😂

Very Nice: What has made you happy recently?

My sister moved out in May and has been living in a house near her college with some of her sorority sisters this summer (cause that's where they're gonna live during the school year) so I haven't really seen her much at all for a while, aside from short visits, usually with her boyfriend tagging along (and I like him! He's very sweet, I don't mind when he comes home with her, it's just that I haven't really had much time spent with just Maren and my parents in a really long time), but we're going on a little mini-family trip to Wisconsin this week so I'm gonna get to spend some time with her and that makes me happy :)

(Also my favorite beer is only sold in Wisconsin so that's also an extra bonus of this trip... 👀👀👀 lol)

Clap: What’s the most recent show you’ve binge watched?

I'm currently binge watching Touch Your Heart and it's soooo good!!!

The last thing I fully finished bingeing was Strangers From Hell/Hell is Other People..... so that's, a very abrupt turn around 😂😂😂

Other than kdramas my mom and I recently finished bingeing Parks and Rec together! Haha

Call Call Call!: What is the last meme you saved on your phone?

This probably doesn't count as a meme, but it is my most recently saved pick and dear Lord is it relatable:

Lmao,

This is my most recent meme, and I think by now I've gone on enough tangents that you're probably well aware of my tendency to overshare akdhdlskd:

#relatable

I'm so sorry that I blanked on this!!! How about you? (except the meme one obviously, unless you wanna describe it I guess?? lmao, up to you 🤷) I hope that you've been doing well!!! 💗

[musicalmontgomery]

Forever and Always

Word Count: 3.1k

Warnings: sadness, death, swearing?

Pairing: billy hargrove x reader

an: first fic in a month???? oops? i’m sorry yall, but this shit is sad af. i cried. also, it’s kinda shitty. definitely not a pulitzer. oh well [[also, the song is forever and always by parachute. give it a listen]]

Billy always called. Even if he was only going to be 20 minutes late, he made sure to make an effort to ring up your landline to let you know. He was supposed to have been off four hours ago, and you still hadn’t heard from him. From your place at the kitchen table, you held the phone in your lap, dialing out phone numbers from the address book beside you, while you stared out at the half-empty driveway as if you could summon the blue Camero into its place.

Sighing, you loosened the grip your eyes held on the pavement to flip the pages to find one of his station buddy’s phone numbers. It took your shaking fingers three tries to spin the dial on the rotary phone in the right way.

“Hello, this is the Hinton residence,” the voice of a woman answered on the other end.

“Hi, Pam, it’s (Y/N). I was just wondering if you guys have seen Billy or if Jimmy was late coming home tonight.” You knew the anxiety was evident in your voice, but if there were anyone to have understood, it would be Pam, for she had made the call to you multiple times.

“No, I’m sorry, (Y/N). Jimmy was off tonight. Why, is something wrong?”

“He’s just late. I wanted to make sure that he hadn’t gone over and forgot to call. Thanks, hon” You returned the receiver to the cradle and turned your gaze back to the window. You stared longingly at the empty parking space where he always parked his car. It seems silly, but you swore you would never take the sight of the vehicle for granted again. Pulling you from your thoughts, the phone sings out its ringing song. You quickly pick it back up to your ear, where it’s spent the last hour.

“Hello, this is a message for (Y/N). Could you please let her know it’s urgent?”

“This is (Y/N),” you answered.

“My name is Rosa; I’m a nurse at San Francisco General. This call is about your fiancé, William Hargrove. Something has happened, and we think you should come right now.” You quickly brought the call to an end with an urgent slam of the phone. But as soon as this need to move began, it ended just as fast. Your mind slows as it fills with a fog.

Big fat snowflakes fluttered down from the heavens above to land gently on Hawkins, Indiana. You and Billy strolled downtown, hand in hand, looking at the pure serenity of the town as if for five minutes it wasn’t some godforsaken shithole that you had ditched together three years prior. No matter how much you both hated the place, you made a return trip annually to celebrate Christmas with your families. It had become a Christmas Eve tradition to take a walk through the town alone and just reminisce about the times you shared as teenagers, wild and in love. Soon, you reached Benny’s diner where you always split a strawberry milkshake, just as you had on your first date in your senior year.

This year, however, Billy stopped short, steps away from the entrance. He brought you into him, lips crashing to yours like the waves crashed into the shore to seek refuge from the sea. After moments of feverish hands fleeing from the side of your face to tangled in your hands, they finally settled on your hips, and the boy in front of you slowly pulled you from him. Ever so carefully and cautiously, he sank to a single knee and pulled a piece of paper from the inside pocket of his denim jacket. He unfolded it over what felt like a million years before finally beginning to read.

“So, I know you probably want heartfelt, in the moment, on the spot words. But I can’t give that to you. Maybe it’s because I’m so afraid that if I do it that way, I’ll forget half of the things I wanted to say, or maybe it’s because you taught me the importance of thinking before you say something. So, if that’s what you want, blame yourself, because I got this from you. I got everything from you. I got my real self-esteem and security. I got closure with things that have happened in the past and been able to disconnect from the people who have hurt me and held onto the people who have loved me. I got the love of my life. I got you. This amazing girl who happily moved over thirty hours away from her hometown so that I could live in the place I grew up in and be close to my dead mom. I still don’t know why you picked me. I watch you get ready for work every morning, and all I can think is: ‘how did this woman ever fall in love with me?’ Even now, I still don’t get it. But I never want you to second guess my love for you. I never want you to think that we weren’t meant to be, because I promise you we are, baby girl. I want you to be my one and only. I want you forever. Forever and always. I want you through the good, and the bad, and the ugly. We’ll grow old together. Forever and always, baby. It can just be you and me sipping strawberry milkshakes in the crappy lighting of a rundown diner that you still manage to look amazing in. I want you by my side. So, (Y/N), love of my life, my one and only, my forever and always, will you give me the great honor of being your husband? Will you marry me?” Dropping the page of scribbles onto the snow below him, he pulled a small box that housed his mother’s ring from his pocket. Carefully so as to not drop it onto the ground, he opened it to show you the physicality of what he had to offer you.

Halting and just barely bringing your vehicle to park, you thoughtlessly marched up to the front desk, somehow asking for Billy, even though the words coming through your mouth had never quite registered in your head. A nurse from her nearby station came over to introduce herself as Rosa, the woman you had spoken with on the phone only twenty minutes earlier. She guided you through the endless maze of hallways as she explained that they had tried to get a hold of you for an hour, but only getting the tone of a busy line before successfully getting through.

“I’m sorry,” you replied. “I was trying to find Billy, so I called nearly our whole address book.”

“It’s fine. Now, your fiancé is only just getting out of surgery. He has a lot of internal bleeding, and he severely burned his lower limbs. Our team of surgeons has done the most they can; now it’s his job to pull through. Some of the other men from his station are here in the waiting room, and a few are in surgeries themselves. I know that it may not seem like it, but he was lucky to have made it out alive. From what I understand, there was one that didn’t. I do need to be honest with you, though. Things do not look very good. He has a chance, but it’s slim. I think you need to prepare to say goodbye. He will be awake, and he will not look very good, or even himself.” Rosa’s voice kept droning on after this, but your mind blocked it out, still reeling over the words ‘prepare to say goodbye’. She’d only had him for four years, and now she was supposed to say goodbye? What happened to forever and always?

The two of you finally approach a room where Rosa stops. Holding your face into a hard composure, you stared at where “Hargrove” had been scribbled onto the dry erase board hanging from the door. Letting out a breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding deep inside your lungs, you began the short trek from your place in the hall with Rosa to your new place sitting in the chair pushed up to Billy’s bed. His hand grasped into yours, you squeezed it tight in search of that familiarity that you always found in it.

“Ow, babe.” Billy squeaked. You swiftly released your hold, on to feel him tighten it ever so slightly.

“What are we gonna do, Will? I’m not going to let you die, William.” You couldn’t keep your straight face anymore as your tears tumbled down the paths of your cheeks.

“Here’s what we’re gonna do. We’re going to get married; I don’t care if it’s in a big church, or city hall, or fuck, even a drive-thru in Vegas. And we’re going to move out of that stupid one-bedroom. I’m going to get promoted to Captain after surviving this; I can just feel it. I’m going to buy you a big house just outside the city, on the hillside or the suburbs. We’ll squeeze a few puppies out of you, and raise them with tenderness and love. They can play hockey and take piano lessons. I’ll be the nice parent, and you’ll have to be the tough one. Before we know it, we’ll be going from cleaning mudpies they make in the backyard to bong spills on the basement carpet. But we’ll love them anyway. I’m gonna love our kids so much. Soon, they’ll grow up, and it’ll be just me and you again. I’ll take you for strawberry milkshakes, and we’ll watch sunsets from our porch. We’ll babysit our grandkids that our children named after us to prove how amazing we were. This time, we can both be nice because they’re not our kids. And we’re going to grow old together. Forever and always, just like we say. Just like that cheesy note you keep on the fridge says.” The words shake out of his mouth between hisses of pain and sighs of momentary sighs of relief. Your unoccupied hand reached up to pat away the sweat beginning to line his forehead, and you ran your fingers through his now shortened hair. You could still remember the day he cut off his mullet, in exchange for a more traditional look. He hated it with every fiber of his being but seeing the sparkle in your eye as you no longer saw the mop mess sitting atop his head helped him to grow into liking it. He had stalked obnoxiously into your local Waffle House that you worked at. At first glance, you expected it to be just another customer, not even recognizing him until he took off his aviators to reveal the eyes you’d spent hours staring into. Your face quickly lit up, a broad smile stretching across your cheeks. While there were days that you missed the mullet and the crazy teenager that came with it, you loved this haircut.

“We’ll have a daughter named Maia, and a son named William. They’ll have your blonde curls and my (Y/E/C) eyes. They’ll be the cutest kids you’ll ever see, but not in that way that you only think they’re beautiful because they’re your own kids. They’ll be beautiful for real,” you added onto his fantasy.

“Of course they will. Look at who their dad is.” The man lying on the bed before you who only slightly resembled the Billy you had known chuckled, holding onto his bruised ribs. “I’m kidding. It’s all because of their mother. Their beautiful mother.”

“No matter what happens, it’s just going to be me and you, right, Will?” Any sense of laughter and airiness had floated out of the room, to be replaced by a severe tone hanging above.

“Babe, we gotta be real now. It hurts. It hurts more than any pain I have ever endured in my life, and I don’t know how much longer I can keep holding on and doing this. If something happens, you need to let go. You may be the love of my life, and this might hurt me so much, but you might also be the love of someone else’s life. And as much as I want to be selfish about this and tell you not to run to someone else when I go, I want you to be happy. That’s all I have ever wanted. I just wish I had married you first.” Small sobs shook through his bones as the salty tears streaked down his cheeks. Between the pain of the accident and pain of losing you, he could feel himself losing his strength and energy. His breaths started to get raspier, becoming far and few in between. Rosa walked in from her place in the hall with her head ducked so you wouldn’t see the tears falling from her own eyes. She lifted an oxygen mask up to his mouth and adjusted him slightly to fit the strap around the back of his head. Taking a few deep breaths of this, his weak hand slipped out of yours to rest on the bed beside him.

Pulling yourself away, you rushed out of the room, Rosa coming up behind. Holding yourself up on the railings that lined the hallway, everything that you’d been holding in through the last hour of sitting in the room came pouring out. The small nurse behind you rubbed your back and soothed your cries with soft hushes. You couldn’t breathe as you felt the sterile walls closing in around you, locking you into your misery. The two of you stayed this way for the next 10 minutes, her never leaving you but circling an open palm between your shoulder blades.

“I’m going to marry him.” As if out of nowhere, the words squeaked out of you, shaking with your ragged breaths.

Rosa quickly arranged from for the chaplain from the small chapel downstairs to come up to the 6th floor and wed you, just as you were meant to do months from now. The elderly couple next door offered you their wedding rings after hearing all that had happened through the paper thin walls, promising you that they brought good fortune and long lives of love and happiness.

With the bouquet of flowers from the gift shop donated by the nurses, you and Billy held onto each other’s hands and listened to Father Charles speaking on the tie between love and long life. Glazing over the words he speaks, you focused on the palm pressed to yours and gave it a tight squeeze. Billy looked up at you, and you swear in this light and in this moment, you didn’t see anything else. It’s as if God has sent down his most heavenly angel to peer up at you. You didn’t even look at the cuts and bruises that had formed on his brow but saw Billy. You saw the seventeen-year-old boy who held you close in his arms at the prom you begged him to go to, never letting you know how much he was genuinely enjoying it. You saw the eighteen-year-old boy driving down the highway, the California sun bringing out the highlights of his golden hair as you escaped the small town you had once called ‘home’ back in Indiana. You saw the nineteen-year-old Billy, excitedly telling you about landing his dream job at a fire-station, and how he was going to save lives. You see twenty-year-old Billy, staring intently at a piece of paper with a knee on the ground while the soft flakes of snow gather around his face to create a picture frame for your single favorite moment.

“I think it’s time for the vows. Do you want to say your own, or use the standard ones?” the priest asks, drawing you from your fantasy.

“We’ll say our own,” you and Billy spoke in unison. The audience made up of the nurses, his station buddies that had been in the waiting room, and the old couple from the place next door gave out a laugh.

Father Charles encouraged you to begin, so taking a big breath, you did.

“William Alexander Hargrove, I want you through everything that may be thrown our way. I won’t let this ruin us. I vow to love you every day from now until the end of the world, in the same way, I did when we were just a couple of kids without a clue. I vow always to hold you when you cry. I vow to stop stealing fries from your plate and eat my own. I vow to kill all of the spiders. I vow to keep that page that you wrote when you proposed hanging from the fridge. I vow to do everything I can to keep you here. I want you forever; forever and always. I want you through the good, the bad, and the ugly. We’ll grow old together and always remember whether happy, or sad, or whatever, we’ll still love each other. Forever and always.” By now, your tears are hitting the floor, and your hands rattle like wind through the leaves. The heart monitor standing on the other side of his bed is only letting out slow beeps. It feels like whole minutes are passing between each of their mechanical noises.

When he spoke, his voice was so quiet you could barely hear it.

He merely says, “(Y/N) (Y/M/N) (Y/L/N), I’ll love you forever; forever and always. Please just remember, even if I’m not there, I’ll always love you. Forever and always.”

You each carefully slip the second-hand rings onto the others’ fingers. Letting go of your hand, he waved Rosa over to whisper something out into her ear. Silently, she went into the bag of personal belongings in his drawer to pull out his Virgin Mary necklace, offering it out to him. He weakly dropped it over your head, lining up the pendant with your heart. Without saying a word, the two of you held each other here for a few minutes, his hand on your heart and your hand combing through the blond strands of his hair. The minister in front of you cleared his throat and officially pronounced you husband and wife.

With a kiss of passion and fire, the short chirps from the monitor gave out into a long monotone hum.

[bynkii]

It’s all right there

(originally published on 18 Nov. 2015)

If only you’d look to the side once in a while

Somewhat odd fact: I’ve never been really anywhere outside of the U.S. Not that I’m anti-travel, it just seemed to never work out. I mean, I’ve been to Toronto, spent a summer in Mississauga with my cousin Diane and her family, and technically went near Nassau on a night-time cruise, but I was so obliterated that I don’t know if I left the boat.

I was in the Air Force, but at a B-1B base in the mid-80s to early-90s, and so we didn’t really even start going overseas for air shows and exercises until I was fixing to separate. Then came a marriage and a kid and it kind of just never happened. Which I do think is a shame, but I can’t say I’ve not done anything cool, I just did it all…here.

This came up because I was talking to a good friend of mine, N., who is much smarter and well-traveled than I, (and for a Cali transplant, still understands why Waffle House is amazing.) I was commenting how a mutal acquaintance, who is my age, seems to have just woken up to the reality that non-honkies in the U.S. have very different lives than honkies do. I said I didn’t get how someone could be as well-traveled as he is, (he has literally traveled the globe) and still be so…blind…to the world outside of his somewhat narrow set of interests. This legitimately puzzled me until N. explained it.

She said, (paraphrased) that if you’re traveling on business, to a conference or on a book tour or what have you, that it’s easy. You get off the plane and go to the hotel. Which is probably a Marriot or other chain, and where the club sandwich in Tokyo is exactly like the club sandwich in Des Moines. You are driven to where you need to be when you need to be there, you go out after to a restaurant, maybe a bar that is tourist-friendly, and then back to the hotel. After a few days, home you go. Maybe you take a day for being a tourist, but you’re going to do fairly standard stuff.

You do that enough, and there’s no difference between anywhere.

I can’t argue her point, I literally don’t know, but it struck me as sad. To be somewhere totally different, but wrap yourself in a cocoon of home, like some kind of odd warp bubble.

Because while I’ve never really left the U.S., there’s always been this “walkabout” impulse. I probably got it from my mom, who as a single woman, lived in Tokyo immediately following WWII for some years, (and evidently spent enough time near Hiroshima to come home rather sick for more than a few months), and then in the 50s and 60s, literally traveled everywhere in this country where a train would go. I’ve pictures of her in D.C., at Gettysburg, Monticello, San Francisco, you name it.

In an era where being an independent woman was somewhat frowned upon, she was independent. Mind you, she never learned to drive. This was all public transit and trains.

My dad helped too, he’d been in Japan & Korea in the early 50s, trying not to die during a war, and getting into marvelous trouble in Japan on leaves and furloughs.

One of his better stories, one that fascinated me was about how he and his friends would go to a restaurant in either country, and just blindly order. Whoever got the ugliest dish paid. He thought he was safe when a friend got the squid. Until a WHOLE OCTOPUS, eyes and all, broiled in its own ink was placed in front of him.

That always seemed like the coolest thing: go to a restaurant you’ve never been and just order something. How cool a way to learn new food? Sometimes, you get the octopus, sometimes you get amazing malaysian food. Amazing wins over OMG WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT more than you might think. Food is a great introduction to different cultures.

As I’ve mentioned, I grew up in Miami. My family moved down in 1970, and I didn’t really leave until 1986, when I joined the Air Force. I was there for some shit. Mariel, Liberty City, Murder Capital of the world, Cocaine Cowboys, (I still can’t really watch “Scarface”. Because too much of that movie isn’t some gorefest story, it’s what was happening in my world. There’s not a lot of exaggeration there), all of it.

It’s easy to fall into the tropes. Miami’s a pit, it’s a crimefest, it’s nothing but Cubans. But that’s the saddest way to look at it. Because Miami showed me so many things. ¿Qué Pasa USA? Pastelitos. Pecadillo. A properly made Cuban sangwich. The smell of the wall of ovens baking Cuban bread in an Imperial Supermarket just off 8th Street and Salzedo. The bizarre joy that was the Bed Race. Goombay, where I discovered a host of carribean food and music. Tito Puente. Gloria Estefan before she was Gloria Estefan. Guava. Flan. Materva. The Red Room. The Kitchen. Coconut Grove when there were still more hippies than hipsters. The Friday night Hare Krishna Drum Party in Coconut Grove, where you’d have a hundred people dancing along with the Krishnas and they would just play their asses off. The guy who sold small crabs and palmetto bugs dipped in gold.

It’s actually hard for me to talk about Cuban Culture like it’s some separate thing, because I grew up in it. I’m not Cuban, not even close, but that culture was a part of my youth and my adolescence. It’s not “other people’s” culture. It’s a part of me as much as it can be. You grow up in Miami, your first concert is P-Funk, it’s hard to live in The Honkie Zone™.

Here’s an example of how it affected me. One day, after I’d gotten out of the Air Force, my boss takes me to a Cuban place in Pinellas Park, La Terecita. (AmazingCuban food, BTW.) The waitress seats us, sees we’re a table of superhonkies, and gives us menus. With the food in english. I literally had no idea what any of it was, because you order Cuban food in spanish. What the fuck other language even makes sense? So I ask the waitress, when she returns, “Is there a spanish menu? I don’t know what any of this is in English.”

She looks at me and asks “Where you from?” I tell her Miami, she laughs and says “Okay baby, let me get you the menu.” (If you know what a Cuban accent sounds like, then you get more of the picture.) She comes back with a Spanish one, aka a real one, and at last, I can order my Picadillo y maduros y Materva. Fuck me, english, what use is that?

You also never understand why people are puzzled at children drinking coffee, because you start kids on cafe con leche as soon as they’re off the tit. I mean it. Non-Miamians don’t really get how central Cuban coffee is to life down there. Water is minor, cafecitos are critical.

As a kid in Miami, this was my “community pool”, Venetian Pool. It’s an old limestone quarry converted to a pool. To be able to use the diving boards, you had to swim across the pool without stopping, watched by the lifeguards. That was what turned you from a little kid to a big kid. Swimming is a necessity, because half your elementary school field trips are to the beach. Yeah, yeah, education, starfish, the stingray shuffle. I’m still convinced it was how the teachers wangled free midday beach time. As they should.

Some places brag about how you can watch the sun rise and set over the ocean by just walking a few miles. In Miami, on the highway out to Key Biscayne, you could do that just by turning around. Then there’s Stiltsville, and a not-long drive away, things like Pennekamp and Key West. Along with treasures now gone, like Ocean World, and Miami Marine Stadium, where you could see unlimited hydroplanes, and watch concerts with the stoners on rafts in the middle.

I was also there for https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hurricane_Andrew. My biggest memory of that is just after the hurricane, when shit is still fucked up and Gloria Estefan, who unlike most celebrities, grew up in Miami, and is a hometown girl, holding a benefit in the Orange Bowl, to raise money to help folks out. It’s kind of fucked up, power is still wonky, she is a bit of a sweaty mess, (we all were), and yet there she is, singing “Coming Out of the Dark”, and somehow, everything was going to be okay. Gloria Estefan will always be okay in my book for that.

I don’t think you can grow up with my parents in that town and not look to the side every so often. Or all the time. And it helped me see, not just the bloody obvious truth, like the lives lived different of non-honkies in this country, but all the things.

Like driving between base and town in Grand Forks on highway 2, happy to be off early, (at 2am) and it’s one of those snowstorms where it’s not a blizzard, but the flakes are coming down big, wet and noisy. You can actually hear them hit, and as I come around a curve, there’s this explosion of light, and two two trucks pulling a semi out of the ditch. As Toccata & Fuge in D Minor is blasting in my Civic. Pipe organ version, of course. There is something perfect about that, along with Bach at 2am during another snowfall in the middle of nowhere.

Or another night, same highway, same time of day, only it’s summer, and there’s this flash of light and a roar I only hear because my windows are down, and as I look up, I see a metor blasting through the sky overhead, on fire, big trail of smoke. I pull right the fuck over because if it hits, fuck yeah, i’m gonna get a piece. (No, the obvious downsides didn’t occur to me, because ROCK FROM SPACE.) It burned up completely before it hit, but I got to see it.

You look to the side, and you find things. Like malaysian restuarants in Kansas City. Or how, in Biloxi, just outside of Keesler AFB, if you and your friends go to the same Chinese place enough, and keep ordering “something with beef, something with pork, something with chicken, and surprise us” enough, eventually the family that runs it starts making you the non-gweilo versions of things. Or that there’s a fantastic Dim Sum place not a half-block from the Moscone in S.F., an amazing cajun place in Knob Knoster, MO, and one of the best southern restaurants ever is near Binghampton, NY, (THEO’S4LYFE!)

You see things that other folks miss. Like a tango club performance in Union square, where the guy in his 70s is shaming all the younger men. Because he may be old and slow everywhere else, but he is the Tango grandmaster and the youngin’s best just step back, this is his show.

Walden Pond. It’s not just where Thoreau lived, (with lots of help from his friends. He may have wrote about self-reliance, but he was not so good at practicing it) it’s a place. It’s a swimmin’ hole. Kind of cold, but very beautiful, and a great place to take slow walks with friends. The whaling museum in Peabody. Realizing that on multiple occasions, a pre-fame/pre-Gaiman Amanda Palmer made you milkshakes and sundaes (and she was very good at it.)

You become best friends with everyone in a ten-meter radius at a crawfish festival, because you just can’t suck head, and so you give away heaping plates full of the nasty things to anyone within reach. For this, you get a lot of free beer. Some years later, at Bad Medicine Lake in MN, you gorge on the biggest crawfish you’ve ever seen, (LOBSTER-SIZED) because people up there think they’re gross, and the bottom of the lake is covered with them. It is totally worth the hypothermia you risk, and pissing off a plethora of plastered, pulchritudinous sorority sisters because if they reject crawdads, they can’t be worth your time.

You meet people who aren’t like you, and learn at a young age, just how full of shit you are, and maybe you should fix that. You pick up foul words in multiple languages, (profanity starts both fights and friendships. Often simultaneously.) You learn that the “stripper paying her way through college” isn’t just a trope, and she amazes you both with her pole work and her analysis of pre-Revolutionary War America.

You discover, if you’re open to it, that there are amazing people everywhere in all walks of life, doing all kinds of jobs you aren’t, and they are just fascinating. That there are former adult stars on Twitter who build amazing models of Star Wars ships from metal because that’s what they do, when they aren’t losing their minds over the San Jose Sharks or making beautiful art. They talk about their work too, and that’s even neat because you learn about the behind the scenes stuff. “Inside baseball” is fucking fascinating when it’s about porn. (Ed. note: this person checked out a few years ago. I genuinely miss her, and presence on Twitter.)

You learn that two authors you admire who have become friends have forgotten more about food and culture than you’ll ever know. You learn the history of Switzerland that’s about just how terrifying the Swiss are, “…I’m from Northern Ireland, I don’t do well with unannounced gunfire.”, and that a description of dinner eating between two members of old Russian Royalty can be far, far more…intense than any non-porn writing has a right to. (Seriously, hie thee to wherever you can find them, and read all of “Tales of Old Russia” by Peter Morwood. DESCRIPTIONS OF DINNER SHOULD NOT HAVE THAT EFFECT ON PEOPLE.)

Actually, if you see anything with either Peter or Diane Duane as authors or co-authors, just read it. Trust me on this.

It’s not hard to see the world as it is, good and bad, awesome and terrifying. You don’t even have to leave the country. You just have to look around every so often.

[frenchibi]

Tagged~

Ok, hold on to your hats people because this is going to be a long-ass post. I have been told my cuts don’t work on mobile (?? TUMBLR PLS) so if this doesn’t work I sincerely apologize in advance for a lot of scrolling :’) Alright so I was tagged... like 6 times I think? And I’m just going to answer them all in here xD

Also I’m gonna tag a bunch of people and you can just... decide which ones you want to do, do several, do all of them, do none at all - whatever you prefer xD @cheatos @chxngsey @fairylights101writes @cheetahleopard @snowflakers @notinvidia @anyadisee @tallihoo @lalikaa @seijouho @astersandstuffs @phea-chan @owlkaashi-keiji @heirxx @thehibiscusthief @screamingnitrogenchallenge @fandang1

...alright, let the oversharing begin :’)

1. Tagged by @grand-king-toru (thank you, and you’re tagged in all the other ones too, obviously!!) and @queeniwaizumi (your tag was a little different but basically all your questions were in this one too so I didn’t do it separately FORGIVE ME TAT - and ofc you’re tagged too!!)

Favourite place: My apartment, or on top of a mountain, or in my car, or at my mom’s house, or in a Café in the center of my city where I can sketch people Relationship status: Single Favourite colour: Phtalo blue and magenta Pets: I have allergies :’) Last song I listened to: We Know The Way from Moana Favourite tv show: If we’re talking anime, it’s Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood (by a MILE). As for non-anime shows, I’m currently enjoying A Series of Unfortunate Events very much (those books were my childhood & I’m so pumped for this series you have no idea) First Fandom: Harry Potter probably, first anime fandom was Inuyasha Hobbies: writing, drawing, singing, skiing, driving my siblings places (being the oldest is GreatTM), currently trying to learn to play the guitar Books I’m currently reading: Ella Minnow Pea by Mark Dunn (and 50 others I started in Better Days™ when I had more time for reading) Favourite book: Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini, The Chaos Walking trilogy by Patrick Ness, Harry Potter by JKR, Howl’s Moving Castle by Dianne Wynne Jones, Die Stadt der Träumenden Bücher by Walter Moers Worst thing you’ve ever eaten/tasted: Milk that had gone off. It’s gross. Living alone is hard, please don’t make the mistakes I did.

2. Tagged by @seidou-chan (thank you, you’re also obviously tagged in all the others as well~)

Name: call me French :D Nickname: French, Frenchie Gender: female Sign: Pisces Height: 155cm Sexual Orientation: Pansexual Hogwarts house: Gryffindor/Ravenclaw Favourite colour: (see above) xD Favourite animal: Dolphins, Turtles, Owls Time right now: 1:15pm Average hours of sleep: Ideally 8, currently 3, I probably need to see a doctor about this Cat or dog person: Allergies :’) (tbh I love both ok) Favourite fictional character from Harry Potter: Ginny Weasley (, Sirius Black, Molly Weasley, Hermione Granger, Bellatrix Lestrange) Number of blankets you sleep with: One Favourite singer or band: currently Of Monsters and Men Dream trip: Cities! I love sightseeing :D Also Skiing, always skiing. Dream job: Musical singer/actress When was this blog created: 20..13? Started out as a Supernatural blog xD When did your blog reach its peak: Still climbing hopefully What made you decide to make a tumblr: blame @notinvidia

3. Tagged by @marleeb (ty friend, we haven’t talked much yet so sorry for the spam of information here xD Feel free to do whichever of these tags interests you :D)

5 things you’ll find in my bag: Notebooks (at least 3) Assorted pens Allergy medication My wallet Haikyuu keychains :D

(see also this post)

5 things you’ll find in my bedroom: An enormous bookshelf (ca 1,5k books, 850 mangas) Assorted recording devices & equipment A large easel and all sorts of art supplies (acrylics, aquarelles, watercolors, pastels, colored pencils, crayons, markers, modeling paste, ink, soapstone) The door to my kitchen xD My workspace w/ computers and legal dictionaries ^^

5 things I’ve always wanted to do in life: Publish a novel Raise children Own a house with a private library and a large conservatory full of plants Perform on a large stage (did that, was amazing, love to do it again) Become a translator (lol I had no idea what i was signing up for)

5 things that make me happy: Singing (is the ultimate joy of my life) and performing w/ my choir Getting feedback for my writing (makes me ecstatic ngl) and exchanging ideas with people My brilliant, lovely, multi-facetted family My warm, patient and understanding friends Being able to create, and share my ideas to people who care about them :D 5 things I’m currently into: Moana (it has consumed my life and my life is infinitely better for it) Haikyuu (and the wonderful people I’ve met through it) My original stories (which I cannot wait to work on more) A Series of Unfortunate Events (the netflix series is so great and it really lives up to the books in my opinion??) Wasting time on tumblr and ignoring the BA-thesis that I need to be writing (and my work because why be responsible)

5 things on my to-do list: *cringes* my thesis My invoices & VAT returns Get someone to help me change a lightbulb (this is not a joke, I’m short) Finish writing two letters to friends that I’m working on :D (though this one I’m looking forward to) Finish writing the 60+ fics I’ve started and work on my original projects too :’)

(what a boring to-do list is2g)

5 things people may not know about me: I OVERSHARE ALL THE TIME (you knew that) I’m a legal translator (German/English) and I work freelance I am allergic to EVERYTHING I…really love…girls… I speak 4 languages (and a fifth one barely) :D

4. Tagged by @ghost--fox (this was a while back and I’m sorry for being so slow ;-; THANK YOU FOR TAGGING ME!!! I did your other tag too, below this one :D - obviously you’re tagged in any of the above if you feel like it xD)

Rules: Put your music on “Shuffle” List the first 10 songs Tag 10 people

1. Avicii – Hey Brother 2. Nothing’s Carved In Stone – Spirit Inspiration (Zetsuen no Tempest Opening) 3. Suzanne Vega – The Queen and the Soldier (I’m gonna base an AU on this just you wait) 4. The Cab - Endlessly 5. Blue Stahli – Anti You 6. Ramin Karimloo – Show Me Light (Have I yelled about how much I love him? I love him!!) 7. All Time Low – Cinderblock Garden 8. Genesis – Follow You Follow Me (I have no regrets, love me some 80s Phil Collins) 9. Ayumi Hamazaki – Dearest (Inuyasha Ending) 10. Nightmare – Sekai Wo (Death Note Opening)

5. Tagged again by @ghost--fox :D THANK YOU!!

A - Age: 21 soon xD B - Biggest fear: not making a difference C - Current time: 2:08pm (this took long omg) D - Drink you last had: I actually bought a fresh coconut and drank it :0 (my allergies are like “uhm girl that was a bad choice” but tbh it was worth it) E - Every day starts with: Removing my retainer and taking my allergy meds F - Favorite song: Empire by Of Monsters and Men and Invincible by Hedley G - Ghosts, are they real: Idk fam H - Hometown: Munich I - In love with: being inspired & motivated?? it’s the BEST?? J - Jealous of: healthy people K - Killed someone: couldn’t even if I wanted to L - Last time you cried: Out of frustration in December M - Middle name: Johanna (after my grandmother) N - Number of siblings: 4 (3 + an older step-sister I see twice a year) O - One wish: Stop using religion as an excuse for hate crimes P - Person you last called/texted: My dad/my friend Nina respectively Q - Questions you’re always asked: Can you chill? / Can you drive me to [place]? / How’s it going with your thesis? - pls But also: Are you doing okay? / Do you need me to listen? / Sing with me? – YES THANK YOU R - Reasons to smile: Fanfiction and fanart exists. Hot chocolate, tea and fluffy blankets. Music, Art, Books, Stories. Stars & the sky. Brilliant people are making brilliant things every day. A small act of kindness from you to a stranger can make all the difference. S - Song last sang: The Lasset uns nicht zerteilen chorus from Bach’s Johannespassion in my singing lesson (in preparation for our next choir concert), and then assorted Hamilton songs on my drive home xD T - Time you woke up: 7am U - Underwear color: dark blue V- Vacation destination: Cities w/ lots of art & culture :D W - Worst habit: biting my fingernails & cuticles I HATE MYSELF X - X-rays you’ve had: lots for my teeth (wrecked a tooth and used to have braces also), one for my knee after a hiking accident Y - Your favorite food: lasagna (w/ meat or spinach honestly I like both a lot) Z - Zodiac sign: Pisces

...and lastly, 6. Tagged by  @missellaineous (this is also super old I apologize but I liked your questions so :D - feel free to do any of the other tags if you want xD)

1. What can’t you sleep without? My phone. Literally I use it as an alarm clock xD 2. What are your favorite kind of socks? :0 I like big fluffy warm ones – and also I like skiing socks because they fit really tightly and they’re also super warm xD 3. What’s your favorite snack/meal/drink? Atm I am very weak for cookies (I have… phases. At one point I ate so many gummy bears that now I just cannot), my favorite food is lasagna and my favorite drink is water or tea (no milk, no sugar, I dislike sweet drinks except if it’s hot chocolate xD) 4. What’s your favorite kind of weather? …do you know the artist Yuumei? A lot of her pictures have spectacular skies that are like… the sun breaking through dark clouds after a storm? That. That’s my favorite weather. It’s so… motivational and  hopeful? Idk, but I love it. 5. What do you like to listen to/do to relax and feel better when you’re upset? I love the songs from musicals because they’re great to sing along to and singing always improves my mood :D I have endless love for Les Mis, Phantom of the Opera and Hamilton atm. Also what always helps me is, in my mom’s words, to “talk to someone who doesn’t hate you”. Because I tend to hate on myself a lot when I’m upset (for not being better, happier, healthier, enough) and it helps to talk to my friends, who objectively don’t think I’m as awful as I tend to think I am ^^ And they’re all really kind and understanding (and/or blunt when I need someone to tell me to snap out of it). 6. What’s your favorite store to shop at? HOO BOY ok I love bookstores (because duh, books) and lately I’ve also been loving Muji a lot? xD Also we have an art supply chain here in Germany that has GREAT STUFF and I always go overboard xD 7. What color do you wear the most? Black probably, but that’s because most of my pants/leggings are black. Other than that I own a lot of blue and also a lot of red, esp. dresses :D 8. What’s your favorite (video/board/social/party) game to play? That’s hard?? I don’t play a lot of video games but I absolutely adored Undertale. Funnily enough we play card & board games a lot when we meet with my old friends from school, but tbh I don’t have a favorite. I recently learned how to play Skat, which is really enjoyable? (Google tells me apparently that’s mainly a German thing, ok.) And, eh, I’m not a big fan of parties & party games ^^ 9. Any guilty pleasures? When I have time, I watch objectively bad or cliché anime and write commentary xD Also I spend way too much time playing The Sims if I’m totally honest... and scrolling through my dash. Damn. 10. If you could go anywhere (in real life or in fiction), where would it be? Or fiction??? HOGWARTS?!?! Teach me all the magic pls?! …ok but for real though I would love to visit some of my online friends :’)

Alright that’s it, thank you all again and sorry I’m slow and this is a huge post full of way too much information, I’m gonna let myself out now

[freshmusicfreak]

Luke with Above and Beyond | Photo Courtesy Little Green Eyes

Lance and Luttrell | Photo Courtesy of Lance Milliken

David and Ashley | Photo Courtesy David Wróblewski‎

Marina and Luttrell | Photo Courtesy Marina Aguero

With the sun finally breaking through the Pacific Northwest clouds, my Anjunafam has been talking about Anjunabeach nonstop.  The bigger the Anjuna event, the greater the hype and anticipation.  And for us Pacific Northwesterners, getting to dance on a warm, sunny beach is a special treat.  So I asked my PNW Anjunafam to give voice to their excitement.

When Above & Beyond announced Anjunabeach, what were some of your first thoughts?

David Wroblewski: HOLY SHIT!  This is going to be amazing. I was excited to have a big outdoor Anjuna fest on the west coast this summer because I knew we wouldn’t be able to make the ABGT milestone show this year.  

Luke Smith-Royal: My initial reaction was WOW–this is the best birthday present I could have gotten.  My mom bought me tickets to go right when they went on sale. She knows how much I love Above & Beyond and said it was a no-brainer. Shout out to you, Nanette!

Marina Aguero: I knew I was going no matter what!  A&B on the beach with my Anjunafam? No way I was missing that!  My excitement has continued to grow as more and more PNW fam confirm they’re going. It’s a beach party with my closest friends!

Lance Milliken: After my second cross-country journey to see Above & Beyond in Portland, I left with a big hole in my heart.  At the time, I was going through an extremely rough part of my life, and I had no idea what I was going to do from there. Then A&B announced Anjunabeach and after a few messages from my PNW friends, I was on the road to putting my life together enough to take this trip and am now planning on moving to Portland.

[irp posts=”15961″ name=”Above and Beyond | Common Ground Portland | Meet 8 Amazing Anjunafam Members from the PACNW!”]

Tell me a bit about your planning and expectations for the trip.  

David Wroblewski:  We were at Jade Club seeing Grum with a bunch of our friends back in March.  We made plans then and there that we were going down with a large group. Getting an Airbnb.  Big Anjuna van. All the fixins.

Sandra Huitt:  I was with David and our PNW Anjunafam crew right after hearing the boys were playing twice in Vegas for EDC week followed by Red Rocks Common Ground and then Anjunabeach a couple weeks later.  With Grum Shouting us on, we immediately went to work planning which events everyone could attend and how we could all bunk together so it wasn’t just an Anjuna event, but an Anjuna trip.

Lance Milliken: To be quite honest, I can’t say I have much of a “plan,” but like the boys (and a certain Zoë Johnston) say, “You gotta choose a direction, and when the moment is right for you, you gotta go.”  And so, the direction is Anjunabeach, and I just gotta go!

What other types of venues have you seen the boys at and how do you think Anjunabeach will be different?

Victoriana Biyo: I’ve seen the boys 21 times with anywhere between 100-100,000 people.  But at the beach with the sun and water will be amazing!

Luke Smith-Royal: I saw them at Resolution in my hometown of Seattle, EDC, worked as their Campground Activities Manager for ABGT250, and at Common Ground Portland where I had the pleasure of Pushing the Button! As it’s on the beach, I’m hoping to hear some Oceanlab songs while I dance the day away with my Anjunafamily.

Lance Milliken: I’ve seen the boys at clubs, festivals, and their self-produced landmark ABGT250 event, but Anjunabeach represents something entirely different for me.  Sun-soaked at the beach with three very interesting openers, all headliners in their own respective realms.

David Wroblewski: The first time was at Last Supper Club in Seattle 2007, then Whiskey Bar in Portland 2010 followed by ABGT250 at The Gorge (which will never be topped).  I saw them at the LA Convention Center on the first leg of their Common Ground tour and then at the Anjunadeep after party where Paavo & Jono played my second favorite A&B set after 250.  The Portland CG Show was amazing cause it was on home turf surrounded by so many people that I love. Anjunabeach will probably be the closest to 250 because it’ll be outdoors with a massive crowd.  

[irp posts=”16762″ name=”Rare Yoga Set to be Performed at Anjunabeach”]

Have you done an Above & Beyond yoga set in the past and if so, what are your thoughts?

Lance Milliken: I…uh…overslept at 250, and missed the yoga set there, so I’m definitely setting an alarm not to miss this one! I look forward to the wonderful background and brilliant music for my first time practicing yoga!

Sandra Huitt: I got to the field at ABGT250 halfway through the yoga set and was bummed I missed any of it cause I do yoga to the Anjunadeep podcasts several times a week.  I’m definitely making sure my crew doesn’t miss the Anjunabeach set!

Marina Aguero: Meh.

Which artist are you most looking forward to seeing and why?

Lance Milliken: The artist I’m most excited to see is the one I’ve never seen, the unicorn of the group, Mat Zo. As someone who holds his first album in high regard with tracks like Bipolar, The Sky, and one of my all time favorite collaborations in the history of dance music, Easy, getting the chance to see this maestro live, is (almost) a once in a lifetime opportunity.  Plus, everyone I know that’s seen him has said his sets are life-changing!

Marina Aguero: I am honestly super excited for all the openers. Each one has their own vibe and I was not disappointed when they were announced. Like much of my Portland fam, I’m stoked for Lane 8!  My wish is that we will be able to keep our recording to a minimum and embrace his “This never happened” message. I was lucky to see Luttrell three times in March and can’t wait to dance to Contact. His sets are different every time and they keep me engaged. He’s also just a gem of a human.

David Wroblewski: It’s gonna have to be Mat Zo.  I’ve been listening to him since around 2005 and this will be my first time seeing him.  My friends that saw him at Red Rocks have been praising his set nonstop.

Victoriana Biyo: Apart from A&B, I think Luttrell and Lane 8 are currently the best producers and I know they’ll bring the beachy vibes.

Get your tickets lickety-split cause they’re going quick.  And if you see a big group of pasty people with face-splitting grins rockin’ the funky beat, come say hi!  We’re always looking to expand our Anjunafam.

Click for Tickets & Info Here

PNW Anjunafam is ready to dance on #anjunabeach! With the sun finally breaking through the Pacific Northwest clouds, my Anjunafam has been talking about Anjunabeach nonstop.