#we're going to accomplish so much this year!!

[crescencestudio]

๋࣭⭑ Devlog #41 | 5.28.24 ๋࣭⭑

It's hot girl (/gender neutral) summer season

HAPPY MAY!!

Hope you're all doing well <3 We're already getting into summer, which is a little crazy to me. The year is flying by! Before I get into what we actually did this month, it wouldn't be a May devlog without our annual Mermay celebration!

Look at those locks. His Ariel/Rapunzel era fr

Since I already had updated Mermay pieces for the Alaris LIs, I decided to do one for our beloved Van this year ^^ Hope you all like it!

For writing this month, I spent a lot of it catching up on Etza edits. Being totally transparent, I wasn't Completely Happy with their route when their draft was finished. But now that I've started the editing process with Wudgey, I'm really excited to see how their route is shaping up!!! We've been fleshing a lot of little interactions out with their route, and I can already see Etza's character really starting to shine with these edits ^^

I've also been chipping away at Kuna'a's route! While it's nowhere near finished, I'm hopeful that this upcoming month will be the month of Kuna'a now that I don't have a bunch of releases I'm trying to balance. His route is also one of the ones whose outline is more fleshed out (Druk and Etza I would say were the least fleshed out, which might be why they also took a bit longer). So I'd love to see Kuna'a's first draft complete/almost complete by the next devlog!

This month, I had to dust off my art skills tbh LMFAOIJSDF. It's been.... a WHILE since I've made CGs since I've been in the writing and coding dungeon for so long. So most of this month's art updates are me getting tilted from redrawing an ugly sketch over and over.

I DID manage to get the Van Mermay piece out. And I also was able to sketch out Kayn's Tragic End CG; that leaves only one CG that has to be sketched out! Currently, six of their CGs are finished, two need to be rendered, and one needs to be drawn still.

And since Kayn's CGs are mostly done, I've started drawing Fenir's. I was actually able to finish one because I basically Locked In when I made it, so here is a sneak peek!

Kisses his little pink nose

You might notice there's not toooo many updates on this month's devlog. The reason for that is because this month, I spent a lot of it recovering both mentally and physically. April shenanigans and those back-to-back releases took a lot out of me, and after going full speed basically since this year started, I learned I REALLY needed a break. That coupled with the concussion I got made it so that most of this month was focused on recovering and then getting back into the groove of things.

Another thing I tried to focus on this month was finding a balance in my workflow. Going into this month, I felt like I was on the verge of a mental breakdown almost every day, in large part because I have a lot of big things I'm trying to accomplish this year. Between finishing my dissertation, Alaris, and a personal big event that I have to plan, I have a lot on my plate this year, and it's made it easy to get overwhelmed as the months pass by. So I wanted to find a balance between all three that didn't make me feel like I was also falling into insanity. After talking to beloved Wudgey of @herotome fame, I've started adopting a schedule that gives me enough structure and flexibility to feel like I'm making progress without going crazy and getting lost in the sauce.

While it's still early in the process, I'm really happy with the balance I've hit, and I'm feeling much more like myself now compared to a month ago!

I caught up on quite a few things in my backlog this month, which made me happy ^^ I always like to learn from and support other devs, so finally being able to return to that helped with the recovery process <3

I don't have any actual fanart pieces, but there are a couple of games I'd like to highlight!

First of all, of course I must talk about our hot girl (/gender neutral) summer cross-promo. If you haven't checked out these games, I can't recommend them enough!!

Links to each game can be found on the Alaris Game page under the magic and mystery otome section!

Specifically, Save the Villainess, The Good People, and Thorn for the Villain are amazing games if you're into thriller/political games layered with mystery

The Silent Kingdom (which I played recently and is AMAZING) and Dual Chroma (Otojam 2023 ALLY) have added mechanics of RPG for exciting action-adventure fantasy stories

Lost in Limbo, Obscura, and Snow White Ashes are BEAUTIFUL dark fantasy games. I've played all three of these and they have some of the most beautiful writing and visuals... BIG FAN OF ALL OF THEM.

Mask Beyond Lies and Sigh of the Abyss have that epic fantasy adventure appeal to them, in a way that I think is similar to Alaris! And Pearlglow Cafe (another Otojam 2023 ALLY) is a very lighthearted and charming game for those of you who like the comfy vibe that most of my stories have!!

Some other games that I played are Favor (@favorvn) by beloved @concreteparasite which is SOOOOO stylish. If you've played Binary Star Hero by Connie, you can expect that same stylish, dark, sultry vibe from Favor. If you haven't checked out either of those games by Connie, I can't recommend them enough, especially if you like yanderes. There is so much aesthetic and atmosphere to them!

I also played Where Winter Crows Go by @prikarin who is a VERY talented developer (and one I'm sure many are familiar with). I had a lot of fun romancing Crowe and both the MC and him have such strong personalities, it was so fun seeing their dynamic!!!! The CGs were also made by anta, who is the dev behind Thorn for the Villain, and they're BEAUTIFULLLLL. Each one has so much style and rly has a professional look to them. Can't recommend enough if you haven't played already ((heads up that it is another yandere game for those who can't do yandere!))

Okay I've yapped enough. If you've made it this far, you are god's strongest soldier LFMASLDIFJ. See you all next month with hopefully some exciting progress!

[roguestarsailor]

he can’t hurt me! i am lovable! i am living my life the way i want to! i dont need to be like them to feel valid! i love my body! i will not stay in m head! i will be excited for them! for everyone! i am ok!! IM GOOD IM COOL IM CHILL IM OK OK OK OK IM GOOD IM GOOD IM GOOD -- words i am screaming to tame the loud demon voices of anxiety and heartache and shame down because i just agreed to watch a movie with a group of people and he will be there (with his new gf prob) and i am feeling much more confident these days and i will not spend anymore time being sad and hung up on this one dude. this city is still scary but i’m meeting so many people and i know what i love and want and i am going to trust the process. i spent most of my 27th year alive pining over this dude --for what??? theres so much life and i wasted spent too much on him and the shame i felt because i still feel like the little fat girl who can’t be desired. i think im at a point where ill just accept that i will always have a belly and lots of fat and its not healthy for me to starve and change myself in that way anymore especially because i want to be alive and do things (i made a mega list that makes me excited again!). im imaging a life where i am just me with this body that i have now and this not-picture perfect face and i’ll find some wonderful handsome man who will love me as i am; because imagine how relieve i’ll be that i dont have to obsess over calories and working out! but i also know i am going to be very happy just having solid friendships and making new friends/meeting new people and i will build a small and sustainable life regardless if i have romantic love. i’m reading more about asexuality and it feels good and im going to build a life i love!!!!

[spurgie-cousin]

Just saw the video and commentary you posted around the poverty cosplaying and I just want to add that there used to be a different place in Arkansas that did a similar thing, sorta. It was through a charity organization that shifted focus so they no longer run the program, but they used to have a "global village" where people would get assigned different regions of the world to live in by lottery with a couple key differences. First, they used actual names of actual countries and provided actual information about the country/culture. Secondly, it wasn't for mission training but instead was meant to be an educational tool to help middle school and high school students to consider how existing in different global and socio-economic circumstances change your decision making etc. and in depth discussion and educational activities were facilitated frequently. I went there as part of an overnight high school trip and while in retrospect the "poverty cosplaying" does give me the ick I still feel like that particular program was informative. Mostly I'm shook that two distinct programs like this exist in AR? I've literally never heard of the Harding one from the video until now and went on a Google deep dive to see if they were connected in some way, but not that I can tell. Anyway, no deep thoughts really, just thought it was super interesting/weird.

There is something in the water over there in Arkansas man lol. I can never learn just some normal fact about AR, it's always something weird.

I totally understand wanting to create more empathy for those who live in poverty, especially in teenagers who are in a really formative years of their lives. And it's one thing to replicate conditions in your immediate area which you are intimately familiar with, but I just can't get on board with play-acting poverty in different areas of the world. I just think about how I'd feel if some religious group in another country tried to replicate my life experience for shock value.

Even replicating the conditions semi-well can't replicate the actual stakes faced by the people they're cosplaying. You can't replicate the stress of a single mother working 2 jobs and supporting 3 kids in a one-room house, you can't replicate the stress of food insecurity and legitimately being worried about when your next meal will be, etc etc. And something about pretending to do them when you can just go back to normal life at any time just feels disrespectful in a way I can't really articulate.

Idk if people get something from it that's great and I do get the thinking behind the one you described at least, I'm mostly still ranting about the first camp lol. I don't have any doubt that some of the people running the camp you went to had good intentions (the other one though I'm really not sure based on the town names) I just have a lot of mixed experience in Christian missionary culture where poverty is treated voyeuristically which is just definitely the vibe I got from the first camp.

[birdmenmanga]

well maybe you think my sticker system is a bit silly and cringe. but my life actually has a semblance of being together becuase of it so who's the real loser here

[gb-patch]

GB Patch Games: 2024 Intentions

[Adorable guest art by @dreamtydraw]

Welcome to 2024, everybody 🥳️

This is the year of Our Life: Now & Forever (and 2025 will be too, but let's not get ahead of ourselves that much). After a good five odd years of making Our Life: Beginnings & Always content, it's amazing to look ahead and see only the progress that will be done on this new game. Qiu and Tamarack are the center of the GB Patch Games universe now. But even though I'm not creating any new OL1 scenes, there may still be some exciting developments for the existing stuff. Cove hasn't been forgotten.

💚❤️️💙

If you want to know about what will be accomplished specifically in January, you can read that HERE. Now here's the entire year's goals-

Honestly, 2024 is gonna be the most basic year in a very long time, haha. There's not gonna be major launches of new DLCs, or a full game going live, or any bonus Moments. It's simply making progress on OL: N&F. That's pretty normal for game development. It's just not something we've had to go through since 2019. But we're hunkering down for the long haul on this one.

Specifically, Step 1 will be fully completed in 2024 and I'll make as much headway into Step 2 as possible. There will be two updates to the public demo, one probably in May and another sometime in Fall/Third Quarter 2024. Those will focus on Step 1 scenes still. I can't guarantee we'll be able to rework the Step 2 part of the demo with new content this year. As it is, the content was made to be a demo preview. A lot is gonna change for the complete version.

And that's about it for our main game. I appreciate all of you who decide to follow along with the process.

Beyond that, the Our Life: Beginnings & Always digital artbook is going to become available through Steam and Itch.io in early 2024! Maybe not January, but ideally no later than February.

Finger's crossed, we will also launch Our Life: Beginnings & Always for Mac on Steam and make it available for Androids through the Google Playstore. I can't state it with confidence, since there's constantly been roadblocks/issues with those, aha.

My final little note for this coming year is that, potentially, there could be more information coming out about the game that's going into production after OL2, "Project W".

▴ ▾ ▴ ▾ ▴ ▾ ▴ ▾ ▴ ▾ ▴ ▾ ▴ ▾ ▴ ▾ ▴ ▾ ▴ ▾ ▴ ▾ ▴ ▾▴ ▾ ▴

And that's what you can look forward to. Every year I'm amazed I can continue to do this as my fulltime job. I'm always wondering when that will end, but I'd be lying if I said I could see that point. The support GB Patch Games has gotten, and still gets each day, is more than enough to for it to continue for the rest of OL2's development.

I'm pretty confident in assuming that when that game does launch it's going to be successful enough for Project W to go into full production. It's a truly wonderful thing. Thank you so much for being here. We'll do our best with the time and attention you've given us.

Happy New Year 🥰️

[muchosbesitos]

crazy scientist!miguel smut and you’re his experiment 👀

(i mixed the request with ‘stressed out miguel accidentally overdosed himself with the spider injection thing and calls for spider readers help.’ so i hope you both don’t mind :p)

greatest accomplishment

pairing: miguel o’hara x spider!fem reader

contents: substance abuse (?), smut, oral (f and m receiving), face fucking, unprotected p in v, ice play, mirror sex, spanking, biting, web bondage, male masturbation, fingering (sorry if i missed anything 🫣)

author’s note: thank you for being so patient, i hope you enjoy <33

word count: 3.9K+

You were what Miguel considered his greatest achievement and his greatest failure. during his time at Alchemax, he'd worked on several human trials with few of them showing any signs of success. At most, he managed to regenerate lost limbs but the achievement still felt little to what he believed he could do. that was, until you showed up at Alchemax with glossy eyes and anticipation.

You had been used as a weapon in private government affairs until eventually the operation shut down. While everybody involved had some kind of direction in their life, you didn't know that anything existed beyond fighting or living to serve the purpose of someone else. You'd signed up for the human trials that Alchemax was offering, being aware of all the stakes at hand, in hopes of being able to lead a normal life.

"So, you basically have spider-like abilities that are in the control of someone else and you want me to change your DNA?" Miguel asked, pushing his glasses back up as he looked up at you from the clipboard. "Well, I know that ai can't really get rid of the powers, but I was hoping that maybe you could help make them my own. because even as we're sitting here, I still feel that urge to need to protect," you responded, hoping that he'd be a little sympathetic towards your situation.

While Miguel didn't feel anything towards your situation, he did feel a thrill of doing something more than regenerating lost limbs. He didn't feel the slightest bit of guilt towards using you to fulfill his personal desires. "Alright, well I can't really promise that the operation's going to be successful. Are you okay with those odds?" He inquired before the two of you got started, calling in a nurse to take your vitals and do your blood work. "Sounds good."

The operation had gone successfully, much to Miguel’s disbelief and he felt that thrill rushing towards him again. The excitement of being a geneticist once more. You enveloped your arms around him, your superhuman strength threatening to pop his eyes out of the sockets.

"Thank you," you whispered, though you felt the words couldn't convey how grateful you were at the opportunity Miguel had given you. He tapped on your arm, forcing you to let him go before he fixed up his jacket. "Thank you," he muttered after you left, completely fascinated as he looked through your file.

A couple of years had passed when you got a phone call from a strange number, excitement coursing through your veins as you answered. Though you'd had the desire to live out a civilian life, a part of you would always long for being able to use your abilities. "Hello?" You asked, hearing someone's breath on the other side. "It's Miguel, I'm not too sure if you remember me. Can you meet me at my place? I'll send you the details," he spoke quickly before he hung up, leaving you confused as you looked down at your phone.

You opened the door to miguel's penthouse, noticing that the curtains were all pulled to darken up the room. You sat down on the couch, deciding to wait for him to come out to talk. "Would you like a glass of water?" A yellow hued hologram woman appeared in front of you, pushing her heart shaped glasses up her nose. "No, but thank you," you responded, watching her as she faded away. You looked up when Miguel came into view, sweatpants hanging low on his waist.

"Sorry, I know you wanted to escape fighting when you came to see me last time but I'm starting up this society for spider people," he spoke up, sitting on the couch next to you. "Spider people? Does that include you?" You inquired, looking over at him as you noticed how much he changed throughout the years. He'd bulked up immensely, his biceps almost the size of your head and his eyes almost had a red hue to it. "It does, but that's not the point here. I'm asking if you want to help me," he responded, keeping eye contact with you.

You'd felt immensely grateful towards Miguel for allowing you to take control of your life once more so you'd agreed on joining him. Despite the fact that Miguel seemed to easily irritated, he helped you out in using your abilities for good this time around. While you were skilled at harnessing your abilities, you'd only used them to inflict pain on others. He helped you establish a good workout routine without pushing you too hard past your limitations.

The days had started to blend together for Miguel, losing all concept of time. Anomaly reports hadn't stopped coming in and spiders were currently working on overtime to be able to control the damage. His eyes were bloodshot as he looked at the monitors, dark circles under his eyes with only coffee to fuel his body. He grabbed his mug from the table, filling it up with some coffee he'd made three days ago? Maybe four. The cold coffee provided no taste as he sipped it, but it did provide him with the caffeine rush he needed.

His eyes drifted over to the collection of empty vials he had on the corner of his desk, having used most of the drug he'd created throughout this week. He deactivated the shoulder part of his suit, the green liquid providing him with the strength that he needed to continue staying up. His eyes strained as he returned his attention back to the monitor, the brightness hurting his dry eyes.

As the anomaly reports started to die down, he overheard through some of the speakers at the society about what the spiders were planning to do after work. He turned on the cameras, instantly spotting you talking to one of the spider-women and decided to listen in on the conversation. He felt his right eye start to twitch and his fist clench up as he heard you mention going out on a date tonight, immediately turning off the camera.

He grabbed the monitor like he wanted to crucify it for your actions, tossing it on the ground as he stomped on it. "You know, half our budget goes to replacing shit you break. Soon enough, we'll just be working with broken computers," LYLA spoke up, appearing in front of him as she folded her arms. "Like we'll ever go bankrupt," he mumbled, picking up the scraps of the monitor. "What's got you all pissed off now?"

Miguel ignored LYLA, eyeing the last bit of the serum that he had left. He was starting to feel his body want to submit to humanly desires such as sleeping and eating, but he genuinely believed that he didn't have any time to spare towards those things. He grabbed the last vial and headed toward the chemical lab at HQ, looking over what he could mix it with. He wanted to make the mixture more potent, something that would keep him up and keep him strong for a long time.

He mixed a couple of chemicals that looked like they would work, the mixture turning a bright purple. Normally, he would've been more cautious about mixing things he wasn't sure of but he felt like a junkie desperate to have his next fix. He deactivated the shoulder part of his suit once more, injecting himself with the strange liquid. He was expecting to feel that instant bit of relief like he did with the original serum, but he didn't feel like it did anything. Miguel let out a loud scream, pissed off at himself for messing up the mixture so much that it didn't have any effect.

A couple minutes later passed by when he felt sweat dribbling on his forehead though the temperature in the room had seemed to drop a couple degrees. He gripped the corner of the table as he coughed, his body rejecting the modified version of the serum. His head began pounding and suddenly, everything was too bright and everything was too loud. He hastily opened up a portal to his house, unwilling to stay at HQ where anybody would just come in and find him in that state.

He laid down on the ground as he stepped out of the portal, bile building up in the back of his throat. He brought his hand closer to his face, the limb feeling like deadweight as he scrolled through his watch. He texted you to meet him at his house urgently, his text morphing into one word. He knew that you were out on your date even in his drug-infused state, but he wanted you to pick him instead of your stupid date. He told himself that allowing you to work on the antidote would provide you with experience your college wouldn't give you, but he just wanted your company.

Miguel’s lids were starting to shut when you arrived at his house and you shook him awake, helping him up to his feet. "Stay awake for me, please," you spoke softly, seeing the pained expression on his face as you helped him to the couch. He pointed to a couple empty flasks with labels on them and you rushed to get them so you'd have an idea of what you needed for the antidote. "I'll lead you the lab," his speech slurred as he talked and you had to offer him some kind of support as you walked with him.

"What are you doing here, anyways? Thought you had a date," he mumbled, his brows furrowed as he unlocked the door. "He didn't show up," you simply said, walking with him inside as you looked over at the multiple shelves filled with chemicals. Truth was, you'd cancelled on the date because you didn't think it would make you happy. You weren't sure when, but in the midst of all the gratitude you felt towards Miguel, you'd started to catch some feelings for him. He was easy to like despite his attitude, he was protective of those he cared about and would do anything for them.

"You could've called one of the more experienced spiders for this, so why'd you call me?" You inquired as you read over the labels on the flasks. "I wanted you to be here. Plus, i figured you'd get some hands on experience," he responded, his speech still coming up garbled. You mixed up a concoction of chemicals, whispering a silent prayer that it would work as the colors began to blend together.

You injected the drug into miguel's shoulder, still exposed from the last batch he'd taken as you watched intently for any more adverse reactions. You watched as his body slumped with relief, the color returning back to his face as his eyes opened. "Thank you," he muttered, standing up from his chair. You nodded, picking up your jacket as you got ready to leave. "Don't go yet, I still have some ways to express my gratitude towards you."

You were unsure of what he meant by that but when you turned around, his lips were already on yours. "Tell me you don't want this and I'll drop it. We can go back to just being coworkers," he mumbled, pulling back slightly to give you enough space to leave if you wanted to. You stayed in your place, wrapping your arms around his neck as you returned the hasty kisses he was giving you. His lips enveloped yours in a thirsty way, almost like he needed this to live. It morphed into a clash of teeth and tongue as he explored every inch of your mouth, letting out a soft moan at the taste.

He picked you up, placing you on one the lab tables before restricting all movement with his webs. Though he knew that you could easily break through them, he found himself needing to be in control of the situation. He glanced over at the mini-fridge in the corner of the room, getting a bucket of ice before placing it to the side. His talons unsheathed and in one swift motion, he'd ripped the dress you were wearing in half. The tattered pieces scattered to the ground, leaving you in just your lingerie at his mercy.

He held one of the ice cubes between his front teeth, dragging it across your skin as he made his way down from your neck. He loved seeing the way your body fidgeted under the cold substance, his tongue lapping up the small water droplets. Your nipples hardened as he rubbed the ice cube on them, his tongue swirling against your areola. You whined at him to keep going but he pulled back, stopping his movements. You were nervous that you'd scared him off but he tore your panties off, shoving them in your mouth.

"Don't think for a second that this is for you. It's all for me, understood?" He told you, his hand resting on your thigh as he spoke. You nodded rapidly, arousal leaking to the lab table as you waited for his next movements. He brought the ice cube back to your breasts, the difference in temperature between his tongue and ice cube having you shiver. When the cube melted, he picked up another one and dragged it across to your pussy, swirling the cube on your clit. Your hips bucked up to get more of the sensation but your body couldn't help but want to squirm away at how good it felt.

The ice cube melted, the water droplets combining with your slick as it made a mess on the table. His tongue began to collect the slick on your folds, his eyes intently on yours. The small muffled whimpers that you were letting out spurred him to keep going, his tongue thrusting inside your pussy while your walls clenched around it. He let out a small moan as you released more slick, the taste of you threatening to take him over the edge. His fingers took place instead of his mouth as he kissed on your thigh, sucking on the skin to leave his mark behind.

You let out a muffled yelp as he bit down, the sting from his fangs overwhelming your senses. You couldn't help the arousal that leaked out of you at the sensation, the pain mixing in with the pleasure of having his fingers stretching you out. He moved his fingers in a scissoring action to stretch out your walls, his mouth still kissing your thigh. You heard some moaning coming from Miguel, looking down to see that his hand was tightly wrapped around his cock while precum leaked onto his palm.

Just the fact that he found getting you off as a turn on made your mind grow hazy, your toes curling as his mouth circled over your clit. His tongue swirled against it, his fingers curled up to hit your g-spot. He let out another moan, the vibration hitting your clit directly and you couldn't help but clench around him even more. His fingers were hardly moving with how hard you were gripping them, arousal coating them knuckle deep as his teeth gently pulled on your clit.

He looked up at you, desperation evident in his eyes despite the dominant presence he was putting on and your orgasm approached you quickly. You moaned into the cloth, the sound coming out muffled as your release coated his fingers completely. He took them out, his mouth closing around his fingers while he sucked them off. You looked down at his cock, the tip angry red as it dripped precum onto the glass floor of the lab.

Your head was tilted to the side, immediately at eye level with his cock while he reached down to take out the makeshift gag. You opened up your mouth, the tip of his cock inside of your mouth as you swirled your tongue around it. You collected the precum leaking out as he began to thrust his hips, using your mouth at his disposal. "Who would've known you liked to be treated like such a slut? Pinche puta," he spoke, his voice coming out with a small groan as your eyes watered when he pushed further inside of you.

Your cheeks hollowed as you tried to take the length and girth of his cock but you felt tears forming at your waterline from the intrusion. His hips snapped forward, the tip of his cock hitting the back of your throat and you couldn't help but gag as your nose hit his pubic bone. "You're all good, don't worry. You're taking it so well. Esa boquita esta haciendo tan buen trabajo," he mumbled, feeling your tongue running down the sides of his cock. (that mouth is doing such a good job)

Your tongue traced the two veins running down the side of his cock, a small shiver running through Miguel’s body as he felt the sensations hitting him all at once. He grabbed the back of your head, thrusting into your mouth repeatedly as he took out the amounts of stress that had piling up out. The tip of his cock kept hitting the back of your throat repeatedly, your tongue brushing up against it with every thrust. You felt his cock twitch in your mouth, a clear sign that his orgasm was approaching him rather quickly. The salty substance went down your throat in his final thrust, his eyes locked directly on yours as his chest heaved.

His talons worked on releasing you from the webs but before you had the chance to move, he picked you up and led you to the bathroom. You were bent over the counter, his cock slightly pressing up against your folds before he pushed it in one swift thrust. Your walls clenched up against his cock instinctively and he took a couple seconds to let himself bask in the feeling of you before he started moving.

He pressed your face against the mirror as he forced you to look at yourself while his cock stretched out your cunt, your knuckles turning ghost white from how hard you were gripping the counter. Your breath fogged up the mirror as he kept pushing inside of you, his cock reaching places that no one had ever had. His hands came to rest on your hips as he eased you in and out before one of them squeezed your ass. You yelped as you felt his hand strike your ass, the pain morphing into pleasure as he rubbed at the reddening skin.

You stood on your tippy toes as you tried to remain upright, your hands coming to grip his arms. "Look at what he's missing out on, then again, I don't think he could please you the same way I do," he murmured against your skin, bringing you up right as his mouth closed around the sensitive skin on your neck. He bit down, not hard enough for his fangs to release any of the venom but just hard enough to protrude your skin a bit. Your nails started digging into his skin as you felt him shift the angle a bit, his cock hitting you in all the right places.

One of his hands was on your breasts, tugging at the nipple as the other one played with your clit. He kept his gaze with you on the mirror, enjoying the way you squirmed underneath him and the way you couldn't keep eye contact for too long. Your pussy was gushing around his cock, allowing him to focus on giving you an angle that would provide pleasure, that would make you cum all over him. His fingers on your clit and as his mouth bit down on your shoulder, and you couldn't help the orgasm that washed out of you.

Your release formed a creamy ring at the base of his cock as he pushed deep into you, his thrusts becoming more sporadic and his moans becoming incoherent babbles. "Taking me so good, mami," he murmured, whispering other sweet nothings about how good your cunt was to him. He pulled out of you just in time, his cum dropping on the globes of your ass. He reached over, grabbing a piece of toilet paper to clean you off.

As he pulled his cock out of you, he couldn't help but look at you with a concerned expression. "I didn't hurt you too bad, did I?" He asked, taking note of your tear-stained cheeks and the bite marks all over you. "No, no. Don't worry about it," you responded, shooing him away so you could do your business. Truth be told, you'd never experimented having rough sex before but the idea of someone having an animalistic-like need towards you always enticed you.

You finished up in the bathroom, expecting to find Miguel ready for round two but he'd left the lab. You cleaned your slick off the table with a piece of toilet paper before heading up to the bedroom to check up on him. You opened the door, hearing his snores pouring over from the bed. His exhaustion had finally caught up to him and he had relaxed enough that sleep came easy to him. You left his house after getting dressed, not thinking too much about the encounter with him.

The day that you showed up at the office, you heard rumors circulating around that Miguel was more approachable to others. Though the marks he'd left on your skin had faded away due to your healing powers, the mark he left on you still lingered. You figured that he'd just used you for some stress relief so you didn't pursue anything with him. You walked to your desk, finding a cup of coffee with a note from Miguel sitting there but you refused to let yourself think about it too much.

A couple of days passed by and miguel continued to leave coffee cups before you showed up at work, leaving them with small notes. You figured he was thankful for the antidote so you pushed away the thoughts that made you a bit delusional, focusing on your work. You couldn't help but notice that even though he'd been more gentle with you, he'd gone back to his stoic personality with everyone else.

"If you didn't have any feelings for me, you could've just said so instead of ghosting me," he finally approached you one day, staring down at you coldly. "Excuse me?" You inquired, your brows contorted into an expression of confusion. "I thought that it was obvious that I liked you," he muttered and your eyes widened a bit. "No, I thought you were just thankful," you muttered, watching as he walked closer to you.

"I should've been more obvious given how clueless you are, but I'm telling you straight up that I like you," he spoke up, holding your hands in his. “Sorry I didn't take the hints you gave me," you responded, tilting your head to give him a small kiss on the lips. The kiss was nothing like last time, taking the time to enjoy each others presence rather than having the clash of tongues element to it. He walked with you to his office and just having you around as he looked at the monitors kept him from getting too stressed.

[cutielando]

hey angel ~ charles leclerc

instagram au

synopsis: after many years together, it is time for the leclerc family to get bigger, and you wouldn't dream of not letting your fans see the beautiful journey of parenthood you were embarking on.

my masterlist

♡♡♡♡♡

liked by yoursister, leclerc_pascale and 15,492,731 others

charles_leclerc & y/n.leclerc baby leclerc coming soon ❤️

view all 4,284,175 comments

leclerc_pascale congratulations, my children !!! ❤️ i am so proud of the two of you and the family you're growing together !!

y/n.leclerc je t'aime, maman !!! thank you for everything ! ❤️❤️

charles_leclerc ❤️

arthur_leclerc congrats brother 🙏🏼

charles_leclerc thank you bro 🙏🏼

y/n.leclerc thank you, uncle 'thur 🥹🥹🥹

landonorris can't believe you guys are going to be parents

y/n.leclerc we can't either

charles_leclerc very kind words mate, thanks

carlossainz55 congratulations, my friend! very happy to have an addition to the Ferrari team ❤️

charles_leclerc thank you brother❤️ we're going to put him or her in a kart as soon as possible

y/n.leclerc we haven't discussed this, mr. leclerc

carlossainz55 you better tread lightly, pregnancy hormones are no joke

y/n.leclerc carlos, watch your back

charles_leclerc oh God...

yourmother i am so happy for the two of you, sweetie!!! this baby is already so loved❤️❤️

y/n.leclerc we love you, mom ❤️

charles_leclerc sending you lots of love, mrs. y/l/n❤️

yoursister AHHHHHHH I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU❤️❤️❤️❤️

y/n.leclerc i love you !!!!! ❤️❤️

joris_trouche congrats, didn't think you had it in you brother

charles_leclerc ...

y/n.leclerc don't make fun of my husband, joris.

joris_trouche i apologize, mrs. leclerc

charles_leclerc you're in the doghouse now, mate. good luck getting out of there

y/n.leclerc you want to join him?

charles_leclerc no ma'am, my love

user1 MY BABIES ARE HAVING A BABY I CAN'T😭😭😭

user2 mini y/n or mini charles 😭😭😭

liked by charles_leclerc, francisca.cgomes and 3,294,127 others

y/n.leclerc being your mama is my proudest accomplishment ❤️ tagged: charles_leclerc

view all 719,427 comments

charles_leclerc watching you grow our baby has me convinced that you are a superwoman. i love you, and our baby is the luckiest in the world to have you as their mother ❤️

y/n.leclerc baby, you are going to make me cry😭😭😭😭

y/n.leclerc i love you so much and i'm so grateful to have you by my side through this journey ❤️❤️❤️

leclerc_pascale you are glowing, my dear ❤️

y/n.leclerc merci maman ❤️ i'm lucky i don't look as tired as i feel

leclerc_pascale i take it charles is taking good care of you?

charles_leclerc maman, of course i am

y/n.leclerc he takes amazing care of me ❤️ even through my mood swings

carlossainz55 you look amazing, y/n. you are glowing

charles_leclerc back off, sainz

y/n.leclerc charlie, play nice. thank you carlos ❤️

francisca.cgomes you are glowing !!! sooo beautiful

y/n.leclerc thank you so much honey !!

scuderiaferrari we cannot wait for the little one to become part of the team! ❤️

charles_leclerc i can't wait either ❤️

y/n.leclerc slow your roll

carmenmmundt ❤️❤️❤️ we're so excited!!

y/n.leclerc ❤️❤️ we miss you guys

y/n.leclerc added to their story

seen by 718,174

liked by sharleclerc, yourbff and 31,583 others

formula1wags Y/N Leclerc spotted in the paddock today! The wife of Charles Leclerc was glowing with her baby bump in the center of the Ferrari garage's attention, Charles dotting on her the entire time before he had to get into the car. We have spoken to Y/N and at the question about the baby's gender, she didn't comment on it but smiled and winked in return. What do you guys think the gender of their baby is going to be? 🩷💙

view all 9,284 comments

sharleclerc it's for sure going to be a boy, just look at the leclerc family 🩵

user1 i'm really hoping it's a girl, imagine charles being a girl dad 😩😩😩

user2 he's so girl dad coded, it's not even funny😭

user3 imagine a son that will follow in his father's footsteps 😭😭😭

yourbff 🤭

sharleclerc DO YOU KNOW SOMETHING WE DON'T???? 🤯🤯🤯🤯

user1 spill the tea sister, we need it 😤😤😤

yourbff my lips are sealed 🤐

user2 they all love playing with us ☹️

liked by charles_leclerc, carmenmmundt and 11,382,579 others

y/n.leclerc i am officially a girl mom 💗🩷 tagged: charles_leclerc

view all 4,285,173 comments

charles_leclerc so excited ❤️ thank you for giving me this gift, my love. you are a supermama already and i can't wait to officially begin this journey with you when our little princess joins us🩷

y/n.leclerc je t'aime 🥹🩷🩷

y/n.leclerc you just made me cry, charlie 😭😭

charles_leclerc don’t cry my love☹️❤️

arthur_leclerc i’m going to spoil her rotten

y/n.leclerc art, we talked about this

charles_leclerc listen to the mama, arthur

arthur_leclerc ☹️ you’re ruining my fun uncle duties

y/n.leclerc there are other duties you have to perform except for spoiling our child

leclerc_pascale 🩷🩷🩷thank you for giving me a niece, ma belle fille 🩷

y/n.leclerc we love you, maman 🩷

lilymhe i’m so happy for you, mama!!!!🩷🩷 can’t wait to meet the little bean 😭🩷

y/n.leclerc 🩷🩷

charles_leclerc she’s crying because of the comment

y/n.leclerc how can i not 😭😭

user1 AHHHH WE ARE GETTING GIRL DAD CHARLES 😭🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

user2 i’m so happy for them 🩷🩷

user3 watching them grow together has been the greatest journey i have ever witnessed

user4 just a couple of years ago they were announcing their relationship online and now they’re announcing the gender of their baby, i’m not okay 😩😩🥹😭

francisca.cgomes she’s already so loved 🩷🩷

y/n.leclerc we love you, auntie kika 🥹🩷

pierregasly you made kika cry

charles_leclerc it’s contagious

carla_brocker ahhhh i knew it !!!! 🩷🩷🩷 already buying her all the baby clothes

y/n.leclerc sweetie🥹🥹🩷

arthur_leclerc why is she allowed to spoil her and i’m not?

y/n.leclerc you wouldn’t understand

carla_brocker it’s a girl thing, arthur

arthur_leclerc 😐???

carlossainz55 congratulations, my dear friends❤️ liked by y/n.leclerc and charles_leclerc

liked by scuderiaferrari, leclerc_pascale and 28,156,048 others

y/n.leclerc & charles_leclerc camille jules leclerc🩷

view all 11,482,597 comments

leclerc_pascale congratulations, my beautiful children!! i am so proud of you and i can't wait to meet her 🩷🩷

charles_leclerc thank you maman 🩷

scuderiaferrari welcome to the team, camille!❤️ liked by charles_leclerc and y/n.leclerc

landonorris congrats, guys. hope you got my gift

y/n.leclerc thank you lando. yes, we got the gift. no, she won't be wearing papaya onesies

landonorris :(

carlossainz55 she is beautiful, good job y/n ❤️

y/n.leclerc thank you, carlos ❤️

charles_leclerc what about me?

y/n.leclerc no uterus, no say

charles_leclerc yes ma'am

user1 THEY NAMED HER JULES😭😭😭😭

user2 i'm sobbing 😭😭 they are so precious

user3 congrats guys !!!!! we cannot wait to meet the little cutie

user4 😭😭😭😭😭JULES😭😭😭😭😭

francisca.cgomes AHHHHHHH MY GIRL🥰🥰🥰🥰

y/n.leclerc she cannot wait to meet her auntie kika 🥰

pierregasly you made her cry again

y/n.leclerc sorry not sorry

francisca.cgomes HOW CAN I NOT????

charles_leclerc Y/N, I have never loved you more than I do in these moments. Seeing you grow our baby girl over the past few months has been a blessing, and seeing you heroically through the labor and birth of Camille has made me realize just how lucky I am to call you my wife and the mother of my child. I love you more than words can describe and I cannot wait for our future with our daughter 🥰

y/n.leclerc baby 🥺🥺🥺

y/n.leclerc i love you so much, i couldn't have done it without you by my side

user5 Charles' comment >>>>>>>>>>>>>

user6 if my husband isn't like this, i don't want him

user5 for real

lilymhe congratulations, love !!!! ❤️❤️❤️ i cannot wait to see her!!

y/n.leclerc ❤️❤️❤️

carmenmmundt good job, mama!!! ❤️❤️❤️

y/n.leclerc thank you love ❤️❤️

carla_brocker she is the perfect little squish, congrats you guys ❤️

y/n.leclerc thank you, sweetie ❤️

arthur_leclerc can i spoil her now?

y/n.leclerc 🙄yes

user8 i cannot wait to see her in the paddock

user7 just imagine Charles with his little daughter all dressed up in red 🥺🥺🥺

charles_leclerc we're bringing her as soon as possible

user8 YES 😭😭

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[sidsinning]

To expand on Lucifer's neglect more

Yes he loves Charlie dearly, yes he showers her with his love and affection and semi-approval ("it's uh...got a lot of character!") when he sees her after all these years for the first time, yes he is desperately trying to switch back her reliance on Alastor to reliance on him- all these feelings are real and strong when she's right in front of him

-but when she isn't he is back in his own little world and rubber ducks. When he doesn't see Charlie in person she becomes white noise to him besides fleeting moments of courage and pining he gets to try and connect with her again. These are the moments where he regains a bit of clarity on just how fucked his family situation is.

He knows he has to maintain his connection with her somehow while also battling his own depression and urge to isolate and block off the rest of the world. They're in limbo of whether or not their relationship will finally be unrepairable, also expressed in how him and Lilith are not fully divorced, but still separated, with him still clearly loving her bc he still wears his wedding ring.

I love him, I think his love for Charlie is stronger than anything in his life, and I know he'd do anything he could for her (besides the one thing she asked which is very unluckily directly connected to his trauma)

But it's true that he doesn't listen to her, doesn't keep up with how her life is going, and has remained estranged from her as a child through her adult life for years for whatever reason (smtg implied through this flashback we don't understand yet, and/or his mental health issues)

For Charlie at this point, she's not a kid anymore, so just getting a call from him once in awhile is not enough if he still isn't addressing any of the issues that have built up between them, which has made her susceptible to being tricked by Alastor's empty words of praise and bonding

During Hell's Greatest Dad he isn't trying to address anything she's told him to, just trying to fix the surface level physical issues with the hotel to satisfy her- she looks uncomfortable the whole time he's trying to give her a sales pitch while smiling at everything Alastor says bc he is getting to her emotional needs, bc the bastard sees right through the father-daughter pair's issues

"I have angel powers! I can give you mountains of expensive things!"

"I'm always here for you! I'm so proud of you and all you've accomplished! We've grown so close bc I've always been by your side (unlike a certain someone 😇🐍🍎)"

He's excited when she asks him to come over, and we're excited for him to finally see his daughter he seems to love so much who doesn't talk to him, but from their conversation it is very much shown that Charlie is the one who has been more desperate to remain connected to him. She always updates him on her life when she can and asks him if he's paying attention to her- which he doesn't. Leading to her disappointment and/or annoyance with only jobs for her or random calls where he talks about smtg irrelevant.

I am a Lucifer stan through and through, but it is undeniable that he has not been a good dad despite being a good person. Now he's stepping up and reconnecting to Charlie again as she's fully accepting of him which is sweet.

It's also nice to see that helping Charlie and reconnecting with her is what brings him true happiness in life- bc of his anxiety and trauma he avoids the thing he knows deep down is the underlying cause of his unhappiness- his distant family and confronting their fractured relationship

So now that he's addressed a major part of the root of his depression, he stopped isolating himself, is being active, and given himself smtg productive to do, so his anxiety is down :)

Helping Charlie addressed how broken hearted he was over his family splitting, and restored the faith in humanity and good he lost after he was banished from Heaven and failed to redeem sinners when he tried

Shshsjdjdkfk I just love the characterization we get in just 2 23 minute episodes, even though the pacing is undeniably insanely fast and I would have preferred more time to marinate in it- but what can you do about capitalism vs. artistic freedom

[kudossi]

Tigerclaw and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Senior Warrior Position AU

In a world where deputies can only be named after their first apprentice has been granted their warrior name, Tigerclaw struggles to keep an apprentice alive long enough to earn their name.

or, a comedy-tragedy AU in which having an apprentice isn't enough — you have to see them to their warrior name, and Tigerclaw cannot fucking get any of his goddamn apprentices to live, damn it.

—

It starts out mostly normally, except for the fact that Tigerclaw hasn't gotten any apprentices to their warrior name, and he needs that so he can accomplish his (very noble, of course) kitty genocide goals. And also be the supreme leader of the world or something. Darkpaw died stupidly, he hasn't had a chance since, and now he's got some tiny thing that's afraid of his own shadow.

Well. It'll have to do.

So naturally this man is so protective over Ravenpaw that Ravenpaw barely even leaves his sight. Firepaw and Graypaw think that this is adorable. Look how much Tigerclaw cares about his apprentice!!

Ravenpaw, of course, is fucking terrified and also slowly losing his mind, just in a different way.

—

"Redtail assigned us to go on a patrol to Snakerocks." "OH NO HE DID NOT. WE'RE STAYING IN THE SANDY HOLLOW WHERE IT'S SAFE."

"Nothing matters more to me than making you a warrior, Ravenpaw. Nothing." And the terrible thing is that Ravenpaw is sure he's being sincere.

—

Ravenpaw disappears and Tigerclaw nearly fucking has a conniption because the timing was all RIGHT and he was going to finally get the position AND HE NEVER GOT HIS DAMN NAME FUCK.

"Do you think I could convince the elders that Fireheart was my apprentice?" "Fireheart was Bluestar's apprentice, as approved by StarClan. You're going to have to wait for the next litter to be apprenticed."

So he begs and begs and gets Cinderpaw and then she accidentally falls into the trap he'd set for a better deputy candidate at the Thunderpath. Fuck.

—

Well. Time to resort to drastic measures.

"I was thinking that Darkstripe would have been a good name. Because he had dark stripes." "Again, Tigerclaw, it's admirable that you loved your apprentice so much, but I cannot grant him a name." "Are you sure?" "Honestly, Tigerclaw, I'm not sure he ever would have gotten a name. Missing quite a few feathers from his nest, that one..." Fuck. The worst part was that she wasn't even wrong.

— Swiftpaw and Brightpaw get mauled by the dogs he set up to happen like right after he got the title and they sprang it before and he's like FUCK NOW WHAT DO I DO WITH THESE DAMN DOGS? His world domination plans literally never come to fruition because he cannot keep his apprentices alive/in the clan/his own.

— "Brightheart counts. She HAS to count." "Actually, Cloudtail took over her training…" [demented noises]

—

Turns out that Ravenpaw is alive and no one — no one — in the Harper Collins Extended Universe is happier than Tigerclaw.

"You're alive! …You deserve your warrior name!" "Actually, I've come to peace with my name and my way of life. I have no need for a—" "GET YOUR FUCKING NAME RIGHT NOW RAVENPAW OR SO HELP ME STARCLAN—" "I know you really wanted Ravenpaw to become a warrior," Barley says gently, "but he's made his decision. It's very kind of you to acknowledge that he deserves it, though. You must have been so close as mentor and apprentice." Tigerclaw's eye twitches. "Yes. Close. Very... close." —

He finally, finally retires as an elder after his plans go absolutely nowhere for years on end. And maybe StarClan is still like "Brambleclaw would be chill actually, we can forget that pesky little law" and Tigerclaw is sitting there like "excuse me what the actual fuck?" —

But at this point Tigerclaw is about as dangerous as Ashfur without a freak forest fire. Which is to say about as dangerous as using a leaf as a weapon. Which is, incidentally, how Darkpaw managed to get himself killed in the first place.

—

"Is this the Dark Forest? This has to be the Dark Forest. It doesn't look like Thistleclaw described it, but it must be. This Clan is all an elaborate punishment meted down by StarClan for my sins." "Tigerclaw, sir, I'm just here to help you with your ticks. See? I have the mousebile right here." "…Yes, thank you, Alderpaw." — Graystripe joins him in the elder's den and he's like, "You know, Ravenpaw thought you were up to some… scheme, back in the day. Crazy, right? You've been a model Clanmate as long as I've been alive." [muffled screaming] "Huh, what do you think that is? It sounds almost like someone killed a rabbit, but they know not to come this close to camp…"

[astrologythingzzz]

Astrology observations Nr. 4

I am officially back! I hope you like my observations and remember: these are all my observations, they're not meant to hurt anyone! 🧸

Pisces rising women can be pretty cold, distant and aloof. Even when you're really close to them, it always feels like there's this barrier between you and them

Also I've noticed they're really bad at conversation. I really despise talking to them because they're so passive and unwilling to say anything. They're just too quiet for me (I'm a Gemini moon and air dominant) (sorry to anyone who's a nice Pisces rising 🧸🥺🤍)

Saturn in the 4th house had mothers or caretakers that were strict and not pleased with their accomplishments. They may feel like they're never good enough for their mother

Neptune in the 4th house may have caretakers that were unable to actually take care of them. I've seen this in people whose parents struggled with substance abuse or mental health issues. These children dream about the perfect life and the perfect family. They wish they grew up "normally" 🥺

Leo sun and virgo rising is just such a beautiful placement. Both my friends have this and they're the perfect mix of generosity, playfulness and helpfulness. They're the best 🥺

Virgo Venus and their obsession with pets, a healthy and balanced diet and their body.

Also 6th house venus, they're the ones going after a career as a nutritionist or a dog trainer

Scorpio sun gemini rising look absolutely stunning in black, with black eyeliner, a corset top and silver jewellery

Aries moons are the perfect friends for spontaneous day trips. They're so full of life it makes me so happy! It truly fulfills and satisfies my need for variety

Love love love virgo mercuries. So smart, so talkative, so good at conversation. The perfect friends to visit a café and talk about life for hours 🫶🏼

Venus opposite Ascendant have a lot of Libra or libra rising traits. Though they know how to "use" people for their personal social gain and status. They're very charming and are always surrounded by a ton of friends. They're also always in a relationship or in love

They also loove romantic novels like the ones that are a bit too much

Aquarius Mercuries are real musical geniuses

The weeknd, Rihanna, Lolo Zouai, Harry Styles, Justin Bieber, Olivia Rodrigo are all aqua mercuries. We're the best 🫶🏼

Many astrologers say that the moon sign is most important when it comes to music, but I personally relate more to the artists that have the same Mercury sign as me, for me it's aqua mercuries or people who are heavily influenced by aquarius

That's it for now, I hope you enjoyed reading my thoughts!

Love you, have a nice day wherever and whenever you're reading this!

Also happy new year🤍 I wish you all the blessings and love you deserve! 🤍🤍🤍

[songsofadelaide]

"Lives have grown roots around each other. We both know the truth is, we don't really care to find any room to doubt each other. We're tied by the roots of whatever we share."

Zoology major!Laios x crim student!reader who were introduced to each other by your mutual friend, physics major!Marcille, whom you took general education subjects with. You and Laios couldn't be any more different from each other, but you unexpectedly clicked after going on one coffee date together. He is a pretty lively character who is chronically online, and his Instagram is filled with his fascinations— reptiles and amphibians. He mentioned that he wanted to go for a herpetology masters degree when he graduates.

Laios was equally interested in your aspiration to become a lawyer, and eventually a judge. You told him that your pursuit of justice stems from a deep-seated desire to see something happen— and you joked that it was a long story for another coffee date— which he quickly agrees to. (When asked about your date, he told Marcille that you were cute. You said the same thing. Marcille felt like an accomplished matchmaker. She asks you guys to tell her more about your next date, too.)

Your different majors meant different class schedules, so you two try your best to meet up whenever you can, especially when you both have your vacant hours. You follow each other on Instagram now, and he posted a photo of your coffees and sandwiches and his mysterious, faceless date with the caption "🦎💗🦎", to which his many friends and followers blasted likes and comments on.

"Oh, Marcille just texted me. She said this is a... soft launch? Does she mean soft lunch? Sandwiches are soft and light, after all."

You laughed. And Laios swore the sound was sweeter than his coffee.

Your friends and blockmates are both baffled and amused by the handsome zoology major frequently showing up outside the Faculty of Law building on campus with your favourite snack and drink onhand. Likewise, Laios's blockmates are puzzled by your presence in the College of Science building, usually just to drop off some energy boosters for him. (You bring him orange eggs and fish balls every once in a while since you both like them, but you always remind him to eat well and eat full meals.)

Laios made your supposedly grueling days in uni much more fun than you anticipated. Criminology wasn't for the weak-hearted and you had your challenging days, too. But Laios was so full of life and his carefree smile was something you wanted to protect, along with the rest of society. On your second anniversary, he gifted you a very detailed bearded dragon plush. While his major required him to be on the field most of the time, he always made sure to call or message to update you on his whereabouts and what he and his blockmates have been doing. Most of the time, you don't hear him say how much he misses you when you fall asleep while on video call.

You did not choose to call it quits when the time for majors came. Laios wasn't one to give up on something he adores— he loves— so why would you? His pursuit of knowledge for his favourite cold-blooded creatures brought him to James Cook University in Queensland, Australia, while you continued your pursuit of justice as a law student in one of the finest schools in your very hometown.

Laios returns home to you after three years in the Australian outback and marshland— taller, tanned, stubbly and still so lively. He was still the same dreamer you met so many years ago, and you're suddenly filled with dread that you might be holding him back from a life that suited him more. When he noticed how withdrawn you became, he was suddenly filled with dread that he might be too much of a distraction to you as you continued law school. Marcille wasn't having any of that, though, and carefully orchestrated a way for the two of you to bring your concerns to the table, just like how she orchestrated your first meeting.

"I love you," he said, but it's not his words that pull at your heart, but the way his eyes lit up when he gazed at you. He held you in his arms as you cried.

"I know. You still look at me like I'm made of starlight even though my glow has been dulled by so much cynicism."

Laios slept a little bit too deep that night, obviously relieved to still have you in his life. You always did like how honest he was. It was the very thing your profession required but not everyone in the field had it in them. You lay on his chest and breathed a sigh of relief yourself. You may as well be talking to the moon, but you needed to let him know how strongly you felt for him too.

"You are every good in this unforgiving world, and I know it will never forgive me for holding you too close to my heart. This world needs a spirit like yours— warm, curious, forgiving— to heal itself from its curse of indifference and unkindness."

"—come acclaimed and internet famous herpetologist— a reptile lover, people! In case you don't know what that is— wildlife educator and conservationalist Laios Touden! We're glad to have you with us today!—"

"—sure is all mine! Glad to be he—"

"Oh, turn that thing up, Falin!" You excitedly stepped out of your bedroom and found your sister-in-law Falin humming to herself as she helped herself to a glass of juice in your kitchen. She reached for your TV remote and turned up the volume.

"That interview's today, huh? Are you going to watch all of it? You have a trial to attend to, right?" She asked you with a small smile on her face.

"Just seeing his handsome face already cheers me up so much," you replied to her with a dreamy sigh. "But anyway, you're right! I should head court now. That's what he'd want me to do."

"I'll look for links to the interview online if you want."

"Thank you, Falin!"

The young woman left at home in her brother's house turned her full attention to the interview this time, an amused smile on her face as she watched and listened to his television interview.

"—you know, my wife is a Supreme Court Justice, one of the youngest ones, too! And I'm really proud of her for that. On her first day on the job, she reopened a cold case relating to the deaths of several environmentalists from 200X. It was such an old case, but it was important to her, and to me, to an extent. Her family was par—"

"—nly able to do my job, happily at that, is because of her will to protect environmentalists and put those responsible in jail—"

"My, he sounds so eloquent. I suppose a certain judge helped him with that," Falin laughed to herself. "I should call Marcille and tell her about this interview, too."

[suchawrathfullamb]

One thing I don't get is how can some fans see and write Hannibal as protective or caring of Will? He never cared about Will's safety, he has done so much damage to Will's body, it's out of character that he'd suddenly care...I don't know, I just feel like it's wishful thinking of shippers. I ship them too but I'm not delusional about Hannibal...He would still hurt Will in season 4 and I hate when fics write him as if he gives a fuck about Will's well being.

Oh wow. Okay.

Hannibal has known pain in a way most people around him have not. He has known cold, hunger, loss, abandonment, violence and death and god knows what else. All of this before his rational mind was fully developed, which essentially means his mind was shaped through those experiences. That's what it's ingrained in him, regardless of anything else, even the luxurious and opulent life he built for himself years later.

"God" throws his seeds in the air, violently, and they scatter everywhere. Some fall on fertile soil, and grow to become beautiful, strong trees. Some fall on rocky ground and don't yield any fruits. And some fall on thorns, and those thorns choke them. God is ruthless and careless, but not all of his seeds become the byproduct of his violence. But some do. That's just the way it is.

So the first part of this answer is not an attempt to justify Hannibal's behavior, but simply put it into context. No, he didn't have to punish the world for his own suffering. But he chose to do so. Well, I personally don't believe it's a choice, per se, but more of an illusion of choice. People tend to think they are always choosing how to act, but digging into human psyche, you'd find that no, you never had a choice. Free will is an illusion. The reasons behind your behavior go way back, to places you cannot reach. But that's besides the point.

So, again, don't take this as a justification. Hannibal is what he is, and does what he does.

Hannibal found himself at the mercy of a merciless, careless, amoral God, in his formative years. And so he mirrored that God, "can't beat them, join them" sort of deal. If God is careless, so will he be, if God is amoral, then so will he be. If He gives and takes as he pleases, then so will him. If he delights in bloodshed, then so will him. He won't try to please God, he will please himself. He won't worship God, he will worship pleasure, because it is the antithesis of what he feels. We worship that which we desire to experience, or that which we perceive as the opposite of what we're trying to escape from, the remedy for our specific wound. if you fear death, worship him, the one who conquered it and rose victorious above it. Or if you fear your own desires, the same one offers you to be cleanse of those things you perceive as shameful. Whatever you fear, there's a God for you.

And Hannibal's God, at least for most of his life, would become the big P's: Pleasure and Power. It's only a little funny that in order to experience one, you need to let go of the other, at least to some degree.

Hannibal is so afraid of the pain and vulnerability he felt, having perceived it as lethal, that he learned how to remain in absolute control of himself and his environment. He was, in his mind, unaffected by God. You can't hurt him, because he does not expect You not to. In fact, he expects the worst out of You.

He collects church collapses to remind himself that God does not care, since He is destroying his dedicated worshippers. To remind himself of how little his own destructions matter, how small they are, compared to God's.

So, play a little Will Graham here and see through his mind. Walk in his shoe and see. If you do so, you'll never think that him caring about Will is out of character because he hurts him.

Will did something to Hannibal that only God was able to. He made him vulnerable, made him feel out of control. Not even his sister was able to fully accomplish that. Hannibal loved Mischa, but he ate her to prove to himself (and to God), that he was beyond love. That even if he loved, he was still stronger than that feeling. That it wouldn't overpower him. Our NBC Hannibal didn't eat Mischa because he had to. He ate her to forgive her, for making him love her. "I forgive you for being so lovely, and now I will consume you to dominate this weakness". He wasn't able to do that to Will, and he wasn't going to. Bryan Fuller has confirmed he wasn't going to go through with it in the head sawing scene. No matter how hard he tries, Will always conquers him.

Imagine what this must feel like for Hannibal. He had the will to eat his sister. God took her away from him, violently, and he was still capable of defying Him by willingly consuming her, "you do what you will, but I'm still stronger, you are not capable of destroying me, look what I can do with the pain you give me". It's as if Hannibal sees God as a ruthless father who keeps testing him, over and over again. Beating him in the face, repeatedly, and all he needs to do is take it, bloody and smiling, as if he's enjoying it, as if God's intention of causing pain is futile. Does that evoke a certain scene from the show in your memory?

Hannibal finds some people slightly interesting, some disposable, some inconvenient, and most boring. He sees them as weak, mostly. They haven't endured what he has, they complain about things that are frivolous to him, they care about things that don't matter to him, and mostly, they would never relate to him, to his view of life. They'd be scared, or disgusted by him. He knows he's a monster in most people's perspective. Does he see himself as a monster? He tries not to. He looks at his church collapses whenever he feels this thought creeping inside his head. Yes, of course he sees himself as a monster. But he works very hard to argue against that...After all, God is so much worse.

Arrogance is not a an actual belief of superiority. It's just a mask for a deep feeling of inadequacy. It's an overcompensation. He has learned, from the way he was raised, and the type of people around him, that politeness and etiquette are signs of dominance, and most importantly, the opposite of what most tend to consider ugliness and brutality. Someone harmed him very gently. A nice and friendly person. No one believed him. And so, he learned the best character to play was this exact one.

I could be wrong, this isn't canon, it's just the most obvious explanation. But regardless if Hannibal is the way he is independently of the trauma, as Mads stated, that doesn't mean he didn't adapt, evolve, become. I already established that I do not think he is the way he is because of his trauma, I'm still going along with canon. But I see him as just one of God's little seeds that didn't fall on good soil. But he's still a human being, regardless if he's the incarnation of Satan, he's still incarnated, literally meaning born in flesh. He still has a linear story, a way of becoming, of flourishing (or withering) in a manner that his thorns could rise from his skin and harm others, even if they were there all along.

Punishing "the rude" is a way of justifying his own motives. Can't kill other killers, that would be hypocritical of him, he's not trying to be a vigilante, he's beyond that. Can't kill people who remind him of those who harmed in the past, that would be vindictive of him, therefore a display of weakness, as if he's still affected by them. So? Kill whoever is rude, disrespectful, unrefined out of pettiness. It's petulant and it is flippant (in most cases, that homophobic medical consultant may or may not had it coming, I didn't say it, you did), but it's the only reason he found. Other killers may kill because they can, because whatever. Hannibal needed to justify it to himself, in a way that still put him in a position of power. Again, vengeance or vigilance is too affective to his liking. He doesn't like playing good or bad. He just likes playing.

Here comes Will Graham with his rude, dismissive, agitated, grumpy and messy behavior. He's arrogant, he's childish, he lacks control of himself, yet everyone sees him as innocent, pure, genuine. What a punch to the stomach. Hannibal has to try so hard to be seen as innocent. And there goes this mongoose, acting all crazy and everybody treats him like an injured puppy. But he's just like Hannibal, he has thorns peaking out of his back, forcing their way out. And he's still able to be perceived as innocent? Oh no. Not on Hannibal's watch. So he turns people against him.

Hannibal's very aware of how Will affects people around him. He knew Alana liked him, he even told Will in the first episode, in the breakfast scene, but they cut the line out. He wanted to know if Will liked her back, but was dismissed. He tells him how Jack sees him as fragile, tells Alana they have Will dressed in moral dignity, pants, "nothing is his fault". He's very aware of how Will is able to evoke this type of unconditional compassion.

But then it affects him.

He wasn't expecting it, he was surely not prepared for it. All he knew was to hurt. Eat him like he did his sister. Hannibal realized his feelings were deepening in the opera episode, the singer who played that part (of the opera singer) said she chose the aria specifically for this, because it was like Hannibal was realizing he had a heart. He cried. Later on, Will told him he kissed Alana and that his connection to the killer, Tobias, was getting stronger ("it's our song"). This affects Hannibal in a way that disturbs him, and so he acts impulsively and sends Will to Tobias. "I do not care about him, see?". Denial.

What a shocker when he has to face the truth that he does, in fact, care. He looks defeated, and submissive in that scene ("I was worried you were dead"), even their physical positions mirrors that...But, "I got here on my own", he insists on remarking, after Will says he feels like he dragged Hannibal into his world. No. You didn't. I am here because I chose to be. I am still in control.

After that, he cannot lie to himself any longer, he knew what he felt when he thought he had lost Will. And so, it only got worse from that point on. Now, he was aware of his feelings and actively fighting them. All of his actions were an attempt to eradicate Will, as a way to eradicate his feelings towards him, to prove to himself that he can still overpower his feelings, "see? I can still do what I want with you, my feelings for you do not stop me". And Will rejects him for the first time, in that kitchen. And he still loves him. How infuriating. So he decides, "No, I will not jeopardize my own freedom for you." Anger.

When he saw Will in prison for the first time, you could almost see the exhilaration in his eyes. To cage the one who controls you, how divine of a feeling. He is elated. At first.

It seems that it takes Hannibal a few shocks to realize that he does care, a lot, about Will. And so he realizes that, once more. And needs to deal with it...Again. Meanwhile his inner world is spinning out of control, it is becoming a grand, beautiful mess, and he cannot stop himself, even though he is trying very hard to.

Bedelia brings him to awareness by telling him he's obsessed. "I'm intrigued", he tries, mostly to himself. Obsessed? Him? No, it can't be. Nobody is capable of doing this to him. Obsession indicates a lack of control, the incapacity to take one's mind off of a subject. Just imagine the war he was battling inside himself.

When Will tries to kill him (by proxy) he is as satisfied as he is hurt. Satisfied because he was right, Will is a killer. Hurt because he did almost die. The night he lets Alana kiss him and decides to engage with her, it's the night Jack made it clear Hannibal was a suspect. He felt alone without Will, and Alana made him feel less alone, "walking away what does that leaves us with?", he asks, "each other", she says. He does appreciate her, even if she doesn't truly see him and when she eventually does, she's afraid, she's still better than nothing, and convenient for his alibi. But it's more than that. This is the woman who had (has) feelings for Will, and those feelings seemed to be reciprocated, at least to some extent and at some point. Having her is like conquering Will in a petty way. "She rejected you. You rejected me. Now we're together", it says.

But he still sees potential in Will, in their union, and he still cannot deal with the ache of being without him. And so he finds a way to get him back, let his bird out of the cage, unbound, even if it means danger. He's so lost in his feelings that he allows himself to be deluded, to believe, to open himself up. And even after realizing the betrayal, he still couldn't let go, and offered his carefully crafted life, up, "we could disappear tonight". And when Will says "you were supposed to leave", he doesn't interpret it as protection, he hears it as rejection. Again. He did the same thing to Hobbs, not because he cared, but because he wanted to. He doesn't think Will did that because he cares, at most, he thinks he did because he felt guilty for lying. But mostly, this is Will rejecting him again. He is devastatingly hurt, and Will stands like God, so cold, so cruel. But at least you have a body, so I'll hurt your body, since I can't hurt your feelings, apparently. "You think you can change me?", denial, "I already did," the truth, spitting on his face. So he ends Abigail, because to Hannibal, Will cared about her, he protected her, he had compassion for her. But not him, so she will be Will's pain. "No, you haven't changed me. See? I'm still the monster". The monster he tries to convince himself he isn't, the monster he tried to show Will he wasn't, but Will didn't want that gift. That burden, that curse. But he'll call it a gift, to make himself feel better. After all, he's so much better than everyone else and seeing him in all his truth is such an honor...Isn't it?

He knows Will is right, even if he kills Abigail to prove a point, in his mind, he knows he's right (the script says so). So really, there is no point in denying anymore. But can still move on, overcompensating for the dark, endless pit in his soul, with opulence and a smile. Until Will comes to him, and once again, he cannot handle himself, and he's at it again, acting completely reckless and out of control.

"I forgive you", hope. Then Will tries to kill/harm him. And he's so done. With everything. Everything. How many times will Will Graham shake him out of his center, ruin his sense of self, spin him out of control, play him, hurt him? Leave him? No more, that's how many. He's done. He's ending it. And he knows he won't live without him. He's so deranged in that scene, so...Out of it, almost uncharacteristically insane. Consuming his God, finally. "I'll do this, so the pain will stop," he bargains.

Then, he would most likely end himself indirectly after that. After all, "suicide is the enemy", but letting himself get caught after a lifetime of expertly evading it, isn't the same now, is it? Of course not. Surrendering to the authorities even though you are certain you'll get the death penalty isn't the same as suicide, of course not. Refuting your insanity plea that saved you from getting the death penalty also isn't suicide, of course not. Not at all. Neither is allowing God to throw you off the cliff, even though you made it very clear that you were aware of His intentions.

Hannibal Lecter loves Will Graham to the point of insanity. He hurts him out of insanity, out of the inability to surrender to his love. When he finally does, he regrets what he did to Will. He's so insanely filled with regret he tries to reverse time. He's acting maniacally, and then he's rejected again. And just...Gives up. Accepts it. "He knew Will would come back, it was just another manipulation"...He gave up his freedom and risked his life just to be petty? Sure. You tell yourself that cause it's exactly what he'd rather you believe in.

At the end, he looks at a weapon and considers hurting Will, but he can't. He knows Dolarhyde is watching. Knows where he is. Will tells him he doesn't think he can save himself, and maybe that's okay. Hannibal clocks him right there, and his compassion for Will is inconvenient as he steps in front of him and takes the bullet. It's inconvenient when he allows Will to pull them off the cliff just to be able to hold him, even if it's for first and last time, because he'd rather die than live without him.

After all, how do you leave without your God once you've been graced by His glory?

So no. I don't this logic makes sense, anon. You're interpreting Hannibal as a person who follows one logic, when he in fact, "follows several trains of thought at once without distraction from any". And one of the trains is love.

[togglesbloggle]

In Defense of Bad Things

'Bad' here meaning mostly 'amateur'; stuff made enthusiastically by people at an unprofessional level. Art with visible gaps between what the artist imagined and what they achieved, products of flawed craftsmanship. I suppose everybody can appreciate them to some extent, it's a rare parent that doesn't put up their kid's drawings on the fridge in one way or another. But it turns out to be a fully general skill you can cultivate, and the more I do, the more I'm glad I did.

Partly, it's the teacher thing; finding delight in amateur work is one of the ways to find delight in the process of learning. Cultivating a love of striving-qua-striving can help make you a force for good in the world, as people start to feel safe trying to do things when you're around, even when their efforts are wobbly. You get to participate a little more in the process of atoms spinning themselves into ideas, even when there aren't any illusions about whether you're helping cultivate some revolutionary genius in the field.

And partly it's a fabulous way to build community. By necessity, our professional-level skills tend to be at the service of other people, performed for economic benefit; that's kind of how you get professionally good at something in the first place. When we're acting for our own sake, and among friends, most of what we do with one another is amateurish. I only cook middling-okay, I can't hold a tune that well, I'll never be a speed runner for anything. If you can only enjoy singing from the hundred best singers in the whole world, manufactured and polished by major studios, then you and your friends will sit shoulder-to-shoulder and passively listen to music. But it's so much richer an experience to sit face-to-face, actually singing together, even badly; you expose yourself to so many new ways to appreciate and respect one another, building relationships on what you've accomplished and not just by witty criticism or liking the same things.

And partly it's because some of the most powerful and innovative artistic experiences are in high-churn environments with low expectations and low barriers to entry, if only because those catch the passionate and driven young people that have been otherwise overlooked by our systems. The golden age of webcomics meant that a ton of the actual art involved was pretty lousy, but it also produced work that people still talk about today. D&D began as a profoundly unpolished collection of handmade rulebooks sold at cons in a plastic baggie. By the time these products of enthusiastic amateurs filter themselves through various levels of popularity and absorb mainstream cash influx, they're often risk-averse and missing a lot of the bold spark that inspired their fans in the first place; others will simply never drift towards the mainstream at all. I'm not saying you should be the person who goes out to dig through the slush piles of the internet looking for overlooked art, unless you want to be-- but sometimes a work of actual staggering genius also happens to be a Supernatural fanfic by a first-time author who's a little hazy on commas, and if that's a dealbreaker, you're going to miss out on some profoundly valuable experiences.

And hiding behind all of these things is, like...

Our appreciation of beauty has an odd structure, right? When things are done very skillfully, by brilliant artists with years of training, we can usually appreciate those accomplishments. And when we're looking at nature without human influence, and especially when we think very deeply about natural processes and understand them in context, we often rediscover that sense of beauty. There's just this bizarre hole in the middle where we declare things 'ugly'; as if a little skill is worse than none at all.

I really don't trust that gap. It feels like a trick my brain is playing on me, you know? It has me suspicious that a lot of what I consider 'ugly' or 'bad' is not a very direct experience of the world at all, or an informed judgment. That it is, rather, a declaration of (self-, social-) identity; a desire to be seen as a person of good taste, or as somebody who does things well, or just more primitively as one of the monkeys who is in the good-stuff-tribe and not one of the monkeys who is in the bad-stuff-tribe.

[evertidings]

— JANUARY 2024.

accomplishments.

i meant to write this yesterday. and the day before. and, well, yes, also the whole weekend. it's not much of a monthly update when we're already a week into february, but we're ignoring it. time flies; it's so crazy.

i hate to admit it but january was not a good month for me in terms of writing. i really thought my last semester at school would be easy (ha) so i was overestimating how much i could get done. the truth is, i haven't touched when twilight strikes for a while. and it pains me heavily. i wish i was working on that rather than my essays (boooo!!!) but i can't afford a fail when i'm so close to graduating. so, reluctant priorities. in an ideal world, chapter eleven would come out this month. in reality, i have no date. i would love march, but my progress has been so slow i can't guarantee it.

to speak on the little i have written, though, i think it's going really well. i'm diving into some complicated things and while it's challenging, it's also been super fun. i might have mentioned this last month but a lot of things are reaching a culminating point. because of that, the chapter is definitely more plot-driven than fluff, but (don't worry!) at the same time, it's still very character-driven. i don't think it'd be a 'me' chapter if it wasn't. Blane, K and Rylan have whole scenes (K and Rylan are in one scene together, Blane is on their own; i've yet to decide how or if I'm doing it for A and N). i'm really excited for you to read them.

finally, as some of you may know, February is also the month of my anniversary. it'll be three years since i posted my intro post here on tumblr and damn, like i said, time flies. it's funny because i thought it'd be done by now, but hey, here i still am, writing chapter eleven and *struggling* with it. usually, i post some sort of anniversary special, but since i'm so behind this year, i haven't been able to get a start on it. i'm really sorry about this—i was so excited about it too because i know exactly what i want to do. i still plan for it to be released, but just not on the deadline of the actual day, unfortunately. so if anyone was looking forward to that, you'll have to wait.

on a lighter note, i hope you're all doing well! hopefully, february will be kinder to me in terms of assignments <3

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

hey y'all, i pretty much know that i'm the asshole big time- but i'm not sure what to do about it. i know i need to shift my perspective, especially because i'm not sure what to do going forward... or how to meaningfully apologize, so I think i need some outside judgement.

AITA for wanting to possibly return to speaking terms with someone i cheated with?

about 1.5 years ago one of my best friends (i'll call him R, we're all 20 now) confessed to me while I had a bf- R said he knew i wasn't into him but asked me to kiss him once. i felt really bad and didn't feel anything for him, so i said yes and we briefly kissed. I didn't think it was going to be a big deal until I told my boyfriend right afterwards and he got really upset in a way i now see i was really understandable. i've come to see the situation as cheating, but I think fundamentally we had a different view of it at first. my bf asked me to not be alone with him anymore or talk to him outside of groupchats (i was in a friend group of 3 people, R me and another guy). I tried really hard to follow through on this but in reality- i just didn't want to cut off one of my best friends- there were times I went against my boyfriend's wishes and slowly I let up and saw him/talked alone more. I would tell my boyfriend about it and he would be hurt by it and I would feel horrible, but I didn't put up a hard boundary. I hated myself for it, but I didn't feel like R was actually a problem, rather that the problem was my lack of respect for my bf. A month or two later, all of us moved away to different colleges. After two months of long distance and continuing to talk to R on the phone sometimes, my boyfriend left me citing that as one of the reasons.

I realized I should have valued my bf more and I stopped talking to R (basically ghosted him), but he contacted me on another platform and asked if I was okay and I realized that he was a true friend in a lot of ways. When we hung out on winter break at home, we were chilling and he kind of made a joke asking me to sleep with him. I said no very loudly because I'm not into him like that and I was still hung up on my bf. Meanwhile, after 2 months of no contact, me and my bf had started to talk again very tentatively (i had tried really hard to instigate it which, sometimes i feel bad about not leaving him in his peace- but I was having a really hard time accepting the breakup). I realized there was something I really needed to do to show him I was serious and I sent R a text saying we couldn't be friends anymore citing some lame reasons and the whole 'sleep together' thing.

After that, R didn't contact me and I felt like it was sad, but kind of a blessing because I got to focus on building trust between my bf and I and we eventually got back together.

Anyways, in the past year, the relationship has been steadily getting more comfortable and I hadn't had any contact with R or cheated since (I kind of believe once a cheater always a cheater, so this is an accomplishment. I really don't want to hurt my bf like that again.)

Okay here's the sucky part though (as if the rest wasn't already sucky of me) i was posting tiktoks for the first time this week and, little did i know, the algorithm was showing them to people who had my number. I got a call from an unknown number and a text that said "can we talk." I realized from the chat history it was R, whose number i deleted. I didn't answer, but a part of me really wanted to.

I missed him and I felt bad for leaving the friendship the way it was, I was also really curious as to why he was contacting me now?? But I knew I needed to tell my bf before I did anything. He said he would feel more comfortable if I didn't respond and I kind of agreed- but I said I was going to think about it and that I would tell him explicitly before I did anything.

Then the next day I got another call from a random number with my hometown area code- I thought there was a possibility it was R and decided to just act in the moment and let fate decide- I answered and it was him. It was kind of scary, but also exciting and didn't feel wrong in my body. He was weirdly casual just saying hi and that he saw my tiktoks and missed me, we ended up talking like old friends- like the time that had passed had healed some of that old stuff. He told me i was the best friend he ever had, and I remembered all kind of good things about our friendship. I also was able to apologize for ghosting him- if not super well. I knew while we were talking that my bf was not going to be comfortable with this and that I was unsure about what to do going forward and I think R kind of knew that was the case too, so it was also very awkward. when we hung up, it was clear I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to be his friend again.

When I told my bf as soon as i got off the phone, he was understandably very upset, even more so when I said I wasn't sure if I wanted to keep talking to R in the future. I feel really bad for hurting him, I was really mainly thinking about my own feelings. Now he and I are trying to resolve things, but I'm ashamed to say I don't know how I can make it better. I've told him that, even though it's not necessarily what I want, I'm willing to block R again, but I don't think it feels satisfying to either of us. my bf and I have been dating for 4 years now (with that break at 3 yrs) and he means so much to me, I don't want to bring us back to a place of distrust, but part of me feels like this was kind of pent up while I had R blocked. i've never ended a friendship with anyone before or blocked someone, so it all feels really weird to me, but I can imagine that my bf must feel really betrayed by my continued unsureness.

also R and my bf used to be friends for like 5 yrs- then R and I were close for 1 yr. my bf has said he felt left out by that and that he felt like R was a jerk to him while they were friends, so that's an element of it as well.

if you've read this far, thanks so much- advice? AITA? I've spent so much time feeling like scum for the way I handled the situation and while I have to love myself through it- I don't want to keep mishandling it- was answering the call all that bad, do I need to totally forget about talking to R?

What are these acronyms?

[marcellaasblog]

Eyes for the Geezer.

Main masterlist

Older Eddie munson x reader

Summary: Your boyfriend Wyatt takes you to go meet his parents for the first time.When you find out Wyatt has been cheating on you threw out y'all whole relationship,you take Eddie up on his offer but will that do you any good in the end?

Warnings for the whole series: cheating, divorce, angst,smut, alcohol, smoking,p in v,daddy kink, pervert Eddie, Wyatt's mom is an ass to you, mention of Steve, insecure reader,dom Eddie, switch reader, Wyatt mom is a cheater,huge age gap,insecure Eddie, and of course fluff with a Happy ending??

Author's notes: Eddie is 50 reader is 27 . I'm gonna keep the same names from the old story. Beth (Eddie's wife) Wyatt (beth & Eddie son) mack/Mackenzie (Wyatts ex girlfriend)

So I thought I could put part 2 and 3 together with this,but that didn't happen it just looked all over the place and it was too long ,so why not just tease y'all with what I have.

Part 2 // part 3

part 1

.

.

Having a boyfriend was a tough situation to handle.

Being in relationships scared you.

Falling in love while your young fucked with you head on multiple acassions.

You had a boyfriend here and there,but they never seemed to last .

Growing up you had your little fantasy about getting married and having kids, being the best parent you could possibly be.

Which was something you never had.

You wanted to be the absolute best for yourself.

Was that too much to ask for?

You had a rough relationship with your mom,she would always say things that put you in an uncomfortable position.

You couldn't put your finger on why your mom treated you like if you didn't have feelings.

On the other hand you and your dad had a pretty okay relationship but wasn't as great either.you were the only child which makes it look like it was the best situation to live in.

It wasn't that you were lonely, very lonely.

The only thing you could do to fix your problem was to make friends,it was never an easy thing to do.you had to deal with lunches alone staying in the locker room for gym and no friends to talk to during class or passing periods,maybe the teachers but at that they really never bothered.

After graduation you finally felt free and excited to be away from family and mean school kids.You have goals and plans from your life you knew what you wanted and nothing was going to stop you from accomplishing them.

Well you thought.

.

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You met Wyatt Munson on your 25 birthday at a local bar across from your campus,he was beautiful and unbelievable someone like him would walk up to someone like you.

Wyatt was tall,tan skin, Nice hair that framed his face perfectly as a bit of his fell onto his forehead.he was a proper man and definitely a Mama's boy by heart.

Y'all talked for about an hour straight having drinks come back and forth to y'all table. Wyatt was pretty, but so fucken borning. You wanted to end the conversation so badly,that's until Wyatt took you both to his hotel room and now he was pretty, borning and a fucken sex God.

Little did you know,you would be spending the next 3 years with him.

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Wyatt decided to take a trip out to Hawkins Indiana the place we're he grew up most of his life .You never heard of it but you weren't about to turn down a road trip,you never know maybe y'all learn new things about Wyatt.

It was a 3 hour drive from your location to Hawkins so Wyatt made sure To be ready with blankets ,snacks and a good playlist.

Wyatt let you sleep on the way there knowing you get fussy if you don't have your special naps threw out your day.

How sweet of a boyfriend he is to you. Your so lucky.

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You heard the sound of rain hitting your windshield ,your eyes are foggy and you're not ready to open them quiet yet. That's until you notice that the car was not moving anymore You groaned and stressed out your body hearing a thump from your dashboard as you hit your leg on it.

"Stuiped fucken dashboard." You get from your seat removing your blanket from your tired frame as you get out of the car.

Wyatt rushes next to you grabbing your blanket and hands "slow down baby you're gonna hurt yourself."

Wyatt grabs your hand helping you out of his car as he shuts the door behind you locking as he walks you up the stairs."where the hell are we?" You asked for your blanket from Wyatt.

." we're in Hawkins already and I decided to stop at a hotel tonight instead of heading to my mom's house." Wyatt Opens the door for you allowing you to go in first.

"plus my mom and my dad are probably asleep anyways." Wyatt leads you to the bed, setting you down.

"you should get some sleep baby we got a long day ahead of us tomorrow."

" You nod at your boyfriend's voice. "you gonna join me?"

Wyatt gets up from the bed unwrapping your hands from his waist"not now baby I gotta go get some things done real quick and I'll be back."

Wyatt gets up sliding on his jacket "where are you going so late"?"

You slide off your shoes tucking yourself into the rough covers. "uh you know just getting some drinks with an old friend but I promise I'll be back as soon as I can."

You sit up in bed "with who?" Wyatt scratches his chin. "uhh remember Mack my friend from college I mentioned a couple of times?"

You nod your head "oh yeah I remember,but why so late?" Wyatt grab his keys from the side table. "uh she just wanted to see me thats all"

you looked at Wyatt heading to the door "wait? She? you never told me mack was a girl"

Wyatt chuckled at your words, were you that dumb he thought to himself. "well what do you expect her names mack" you rolled your eyes at your boyfriend .

"fine Just be careful I guess" you laid down as Wyatt opens the door

"yeah yeah I know babe I'm an adult I will see you in a bit I love you" Wyatt heads out the door.

"asshole." you cover yourself up in the blanket drifting back in to your deep sleep .

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You woke up to the sun appearing through the white stained curtains.you felt the warmth of your boyfriend's body laying beside you,still tired you slowly turned your body to face your boyfriend to see him heavily asleep. You caress his face slowly putting your hands over his pretty features touching every mole on his face and every strip of hair that fell on his forehead kissing his cheek.

Wyatt groans as he stirs awake"well good morning to you too." Wyatt kisses your forehead as he runs his fingers through your bed hair.

"So you ready to meet my parents" You squint your eyes pulling the covers over your head .

"Oh come on baby don't be dramatic." He pulls the sheets down letting you lean your head on his chest.

"What if they don't like me?" Wyatt rubs your back trying to get you to relax but he knows you're still going to doubt yourself.

" Y/n baby I love you and I promise they will too."' You let out a groaning sound cuddling up into your arms , you kiss his face all the way down to his neck when your eyes catch a mark on the side of his neck. You really didn't think much about it so you let it go.

Maybe it's an old one you gave him?

"Well we better get going, we only have an hour left for room anyways." Wyatt takes you off of his putting you on your back as he gets up from the bed.

Your eyes scan Wyatta's body as he gets up only to see that there were red scratches on his back,his whole back was covered.

"Hey what's wrong with your back? Did you hurt yourself or something?"

Damnit forgot about those.

"Uh no why?" Wyatt asked as he put his shirt back on.

"There's red marks all over your back babe" Wyatt clears his thoughts.

"Um it's probably nothing,let's get dressed already, you're probably going to take forever anyways .' Wyatt walks to the restroom slamming the door .

Fucken dickhead.

Why is he acting so weird all of a sudden?

You got up from bed ready to start your day.

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Wyatt stops In Front of this beautiful white house, there was a garden in the front with different kinds of pretty colorful flowers. The grass looks greener than ever. There was also a bird's fountain with a small waterfall in the center of the Yard.

"What the fuck." You whispered as you were admiring his family home.

Wyatt chuckled taking his seatbelt off "it's pretty isn't it"

"It's more then pretty it's fucken magical"

"What you never saw a house before" he Glocks his eyebrow up.

"No.Not like this"

"Well come on then let me show you inside your gonna love it"

Wyatt gets out of the driver side jogging to your side opening the door for you .You take his hand as he puts his keys up pressing the button to like his car to lock it.

You walk up to the house Wyatt can feel your hands getting sweaty."hey,it's gonna be okay babe I promise." You smile at him as he knocks on the door.

"Coming." You hear. Women's voices from inside the house. The older woman opens the door ."Oh my god my baby boy, how have you been?" She squealed in excitement giving Wyatt a big hug giving him kisses all over his face as Wyatt tried to swat her away from him.

She was beautiful. She had dark black short hair.She was curvy and short. She had a couple of tattoos herself which you thought was cool.

You could tell she was Cooking by all the flour she had on her purple top and face.

"Well come on, kids get inside."she waves y'all into the house

The inside was beautiful, the floors were marble and the furniture was this beautiful gray and navy blue. It was definitely very expensive.

She walks you and Wyatt to the kitchen letting y'all have a seat at the table.

"Mom, this is y/n my girlfriend." You smile at Wyatt turning to his mom she walks over to you giving you a big hug "it's nice to finally meet you y/n Wyatts told us a lot about you and by the way my name's beth but you can just call me Ms.Munson" she says giving your arm a big squeeze before returning back to the stove.

"So were is dad?" Wyatt spoke up again.

"He's in the shower and told him he needed to clean up because he smelled." She giggled, stirring whatever might be in the pot.

"What did I tell you about bullying dad mom you know how sensitive he Gets" Wyatt laughs

"Oh calm down he's a big boy he can handle it ,plus I was just fucking around with him he knows that Wyatt."

"Yeah but remember last time he got mad at you for breaking his Garfield mug."

"Maybe he should clean his own hair out of the drain,his hair sheds more than my hair does,like don't get me wrong honey,I love your father's hair but it was way better back then but now it just looks bad." She wrinkled up her nose.

"Why don't you tell him to cut it then." Wyatt asked, taking off his jacket and hanging it behind his chair.

"Believe me, baby I keep on telling him it's not the 80s anymore,so get rid of that shit and it's the same thing everytime. you sound like my dad it's my hair I can do whatever I want with it" she mocks her husband.

God, you're already getting annoyed with her and you barely spoke to this woman.

"Well he does have a point but a trim won't hurt."

"Yes it will hurt, boy it's my hair." A voice said coming from the living room.

"Finally you're out what took you so long,wait let me guess your hair." Beth joked.

"You know it." The older man said, stepping into the kitchen.

Holy shit he was hot!

Like how beth said he had long salt and pepper hair,he was tall and bulky he has a sleeve of tattoos on his right arm and Wyatts and Beth on his Left bicep he was wearing a gray muscle shirt and some old blue work jeans that had a couple of patches on his back pocket,not like you were staring at his ass or anything it just caught your eyes.

I mean he does have a nice ass.

"Ah you must me y/n,I hope." the older man joked,trust me he knew who you were. Eddie brings you and Wyatt into a hug,he smelled like after shave and one of those men's cheap cologne you could find at a pharmacy,and his arms were huge and hugged you tightly as his biceps flexed around your frame you could feel his beard and mustache tickle the top of your forehead and his hot breath on your ear .

"Yeah yeah I mean yes it's great to finally meet y'all,Wyatt tell me a lot about y'all."

"No I don't." Wyatt said as you turned your head around at him giving him a Disappointed Expression.

Eddie chuckled at your flustered face.

"Hey it's alright honey you don't need to impress us" Eddie leans in "I mean I'm already impressed by you from what I know." Eddie whispered into your ear sending chills down your body. You make eye contact with him as he sits right across from you and he sends you a wink.

Eddie knew what he was doing. Your reaction is the same as all the other young women that would be around him,but there was just something so intriguing about you and he wanted to see how long it takes for you to break. You looked like a good girl but once he gets his hands on you ,you sure as hell won't act like one.

He knew it was wrong to try to start anything with his son's girlfriend but at that he knew his son's reputation and it wasn't a good one when it came to relationships.

Wyatt was just like his mom.

So Eddie wanted to have a little fun too.

He made sure to do a little research on you before you came I mean all he needed was your name and boom all social medias appeared

Was he stalking your account for a couple of months now?

Maybe.

Did he jerk off a couple of times to your bikini pictures you posted on Instagram?

Maybe.

Does he have saved photos of you in his phone?

Maybe...okay yes he did.

He knew he needed to take things slow he didn't want to scary you off or make you uncomfortable but after seeing you squirm under his vision he's pretty positive it will go just fine and no one will get hurt.

He hoped.

It sure as hell wouldn't stop Beth from sleeping with her ex Steve or Wyatt still going to go see mack.

Eddie felt bad that you didn't know who Wyatt really was and he sure as hell didn't raise him to be like that.

Is he trying to get back at Beth and teach Wyatt a lesson.

Yes.

Did he really want to fuck you.

Also yes.

His son was no real man too you and his wife was ungrateful.

And Eddie wanted to show you how a real man could treat you

You would find out sooner or later about wyatt and once you do, he's positive you will take up his offer in no time.

But will Eddie's offer be good for you in the long run??