#we're in the Feelings Hours again
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god i live for the lightning bolt moments where the meaning of it hits me all over again. like they kissed. wasnt fanfic, wasnt fanart - they actually kissed. 6000 (or millions) of years of coy glances, and thinly veiled doublespeak, of its the real thing? the holiest and little demonic miracle of my own... lift home?, of shelter made of wings, and a determined hand dragging him to the dancefloor, of awkward denials, of sleight of hand tricks, and literally accepting the other wholly into their sanctuaries to the extent that neither of their former sides can even enter them without permission. 6000 years of fear and loneliness, of elation and joy, of dancing in each other's orbit until gravity could no longer hold and they finally collide. they fucking kissed
#good omens#we're in the Feelings Hours again#insert goldblum “you crazy son of a bitch you did it” gif
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my disabled ass, after (1)good day: "obviously I am cured. in fact it may have all been in my head. who can say? now to rejoin society!"
me, the next day: "it has come to my attention that i may be chronically ill."
#who'd have thunk#we're all shocked i know#i forced myself to go to supermarket and ended up clinging to the shopping cart to stay upright#took two hours to stop shaking from exertion#then immediately corralled the cat to tend to his rash#mfer struggles and protests until he realizes all over again that it feels quite nice actually#and then goes deadweight and purrs *while* warbling mournfully#presumably just on principle#but it's all still more spoons than I can spare#i need to take him to the vet for his follow up in a bit#so fucking drained#send thoughts and prayers#ugh#chronic illness#spoonie#disability#knee of huss
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last show pre-hiatus / first show post-hiatus
#fobedit#fall out boy#pete wentz#patrick stump#peterick#fob#anni edits#saturday#more than an hour#i have sooo many feelings about more than an hour ;-;#its so emotionally fkn devastating when patrick comes over to do it but pete doesnt respond!! aghh#luckily i included the healing for free. god when they do it again for the first time#like we're so over... we're so back#and everything was gonna be okay...
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❤️💛
#soft poolverine my beloved#I contain multitudes as far as trope enjoying goes (Logan likes Wade's yapping AND Logan likes to shut Wade up the old fashioned way)#(aka sticking his tongue down his throat)#(among other things but we're sticking with that for this one lol)#Wade is yapping about something#anything really because he can monologue about anything under the sun#and Logan just reaches over wordlessly and grabs his face and Wade just KEEPS TALKING#and every time Logan comes up for air Wade just starts up again#and Logan just smirks and takes a deep breath and goes back in#he gets some silence for a moment AND gets to feel that endless energy fizzing on his tongue#as Wade focuses his nervous mental energy on exploring Logan's mouth for a bit#you know they are SLOPPY kissers#just drool and teeth and tongues EVERYWHERE#I bet kissing Wade is interesting too because his tongue and lips are all ridged and scarred#anyway I just think Logan would shut him up once in a while for like hours long makeout sessions#and then peacefully go back to listening to him yammer endlessly about the minutiae of the My Little Pony Extended Universe#poolverine#deadpool and wolverine#wolverine#deadpool#kinda wip?#are any of these ever really FINISHED or do I just give up on them and move on 🫠#also dont get me wrong they def fuck nasty too#but I think Logan “Touch Starved As Fuck” Howlett would really revel in just being able to touch him lazily for hours#idk man I'm too far gone I need to be anaesthetized#deadpool & wolverine#deadclaws#wade wilson#poolverine fanart#deadpool x wolverine
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Based on B99 being iconic of course.
And the most beautiful Kafka Bride there is. ♡( ◡‿◡ )
Honestly, if that's not romance to you, we will never work out, sorry..
#kn8#kaiju no 8#kafhoshi#hoshina soshiro#kafka hibino#let's be honest they would have to rescedule the wed cause kafka wouldn't be able to calm himself down again lol#my wimpy boi#i literally scratched through my working hours to finally get home and make this#sorry for always picking up your ideas and add my shit to it ox..#if that bothers you just let me know#also I feel like I wanna learn how to use the comic canvas mode in CSP#feel like it could improve sketches like these a bit..#seems like we're going back at the yt tutorials#icy's art
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i have no mouth and i must scream speech but for about insomnia hate hate hate let me tell you how much i have come to hate being awake
#took half an expired tops brand unisom . wheeeee medicine that does nothing and then the next day you're groggy for twelve hours#but i have to do SOMEthing if i don't Try to make myself sleep that's Giving Up and if you Give Up . well#this is the second week in a row that ive failed to sleep on a night leading into the work week and i know most of the external reasons why#like. busy day tomorrow so anxious. haven't given myself a full weekend in a really long time so strung out.#had important stuff to do earlier that didn't happen so dwelling on that. woke up at 9am and wasn't out of bed until ten thirty so like#i got more than adequate sleep last night but this does not make me feel less worried about NOT sleeping TONIGHT#because again. every time i have a night of big insomnia im convinced that it's the beginning of an unending trend#that will make me wind up like my mother who is lucky she gets more than three hours of sleep every couple of weeks#and while she's done this her whole life qnd has adjusted to it (as much as a body can) i just know. based on how insomnia is for me#that i never could. it would be exactly as terrible every time i would never be able to be calm while it was happening#anyway everybody send me your best knockout gas#AND. it's SNOWING. fuck everything i hate it all#tomorrow im gonna be groggy as hell and have to drive to work and back and have to be With It bc we're doing activities and shit#and have to be like the model of library enthusiasm when i barely have that on a good day. and not actually physically groan#every time someone new wants a card because it means i have to interrupt what im doing dor the next fifteen minutes to say a spiel#i know i shouldn't hate that i should be glad we're getting engagement. and i am. i just wish i wasn't the one at the desk#and im not good at keeping that off of my face or being welcoming when i dont feel welcoming#i haven't gotten to do processing at my actual office desk in months. haven't gotten to be Off The Floor#which certainly hasn't helped my overall stress levels. i need to not be socially on so much it's slowly pulling me apart#and then i get home wnd im too tired to do anything and my house also falls apart around me#but if i DON'T have outings i also rot . there's no solution to this problem. not without quitting my job which ill never do#bc in today's market id never get anything half as good as this ever again. and as has been established. this relatively good job#is still not good enough for me not to be emotionally and mentally falling apart
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Fluent Freshman - Part 44
PREV
The flight up to New York is a pleasant one.
The time in the airport itself had been less pleasant. Matt, as it turns out, is a firm believer in arriving with just enough time to check a bag, get through security, and get to the gate. He had claimed up, down, left, and right that he had it down to a science.
No matter how many times Smith had wondered about the scientific rigor of this 'science' he still kept it to himself. There was no need for Smith to voice his uncertainty with this plan because Kevin well and truly had it covered.
"You're giving us only an hour to check bags, get through security, and get to our gate?!" Kevin demands.
"Kevin, if you wanted to be there earlier then you could have asked Andrew to give yo a ride." Matt says. "We'll be fine."
"You know what Neil and Andrew get like when they have a long roadtrip ahead of them." Kevin argues.
"All lovey-dovey?" Nicky asks as Aaron makes a gagging sound.
"No, well yes, but no they always stop and buy all of the worst food too." Kevin reminds. "I'm just concerned about us missing our flight! We have barely enough time!" Kevin huffs crossing his arms.
"You're wrong anyways." Aaron says idly as he continues to text with Katelyn.
"How am I wrong?!" Kevin demands.
"We also have to park within that hour that Matt has left us with." Aaron says looking up from his phone.
"Matt!" Kevin squawks.
"It'll be fine." Matt reassures for the 2nd time.
"We all have checked bags!" Kevin exclaims, "What if we miss our flight?!" he wails.
"It'll be fine!" Matt repeats.
"No it won't!" Kevin exclaims.
---
It was fine.
The only real delays they met were at security.
Smith prided himself on being efficient in the security line. He has his watch off, his phone and ID secured in a zipped jacket pocket, his backpack and electronics in separate trays, and his shoes ready to be slipped off.
So he was shamed to have been the cause of the first delay when the TSA agent wouldn't wave Smith through the metal detector since she didn't realize he was there. That had been a whole anxiety attack and a half as the line had formed up behind him all wondering what the hold-up was.
Finally she seemed to startle as she realized that Smith had been standing there waiting and waved him through.
The other delay was that Kevin got patted down after he had forgotten to empty his 'emergency' water bottle.
It was probably for the best that they didn't have to be in the airport for that long. Every announcement that it was very important to not leave your bag unattended made him worry that with every blink somehow someone had slipped a bomb into his backpack.
While it was on his back.
As he was running with the rest of his friends to their gate.
"It just had to be the gate on the other end of the terminal." Aaron huffs.
"It would have been 100% perfect if someone hadn't left their water bottle in their bag despite the, let me check, 3,820 signs that said remove all liquids from your carry-ons!" Matt says as they continues to run.
"I said I forgot!" Kevin yells back from his spot at the front of the pack. Smith was under the distinct impression that Kevin was keeping pace with them since he had seen the Striker move much faster on the court and during warm-ups.
"We could have forgiven that!" Nicky pants, "Why did you have to slam the whole thing to prove that it was 'just water'?" he asks.
"Because I wanted to prove I wasn't a national security threat!" Kevin says. "I'll be going to the Olympics in a couple years and I can't have that on my record." he continues as he rounds a corner.
"What record?!" Smith asks suddenly worried that there was a record.
"Smithy, there's no record Kevin's just an idiot. An idiot who got patted down, tested for explosives, and had his carry-on searched." Nicky huffs.
"You don't know that there's not a record! The record everything nowadays!" Kevin huffs and their gate is in sight.
"Kevin, just shut up!" Aaron exclaims as they reach the line for their flight.
"Wait why aren't any of you getting shitty with Smiths?!" Kevin asks.
"His delay was like a minute and more importantly NOT HIS FAULT!" Nicky defends.
"He should have just walked through!" Kevin argues.
"Oh it's fine if he gets a record but not you?!" Aaron asks.
"So there is a record?!" Smith asks again.
They reach the line and the largely empty area around their gate is more than enough evidence that this was the final boarding. Smith breathed a sigh of relief as he took his place in line behind Nicky.
"The lines pretty slow, I'm going to go get a water." Kevin says and before any of them can say anything he is off towards a busy looking Newsweek store.
"I cannot believe him." Aaron huffs.
"All that water he just drank and is about to drink? He has lost window seat privileges." Matt pants wiping sweat from his brow.
"Agreed." Nicky says.
Smith laughed between panting breaths. His stomach hurt a bit from the stress of running but it was fine.
They get on the plane without Kevin and head to their seats. Most of the overhead storage is taken up at this point but Smith slides his bag under the middle seat in front of him after Matt
In the end, Kevin barely made it onto the plane in time since he got caught up in deciding on water. "You're in my seat." Kevin says as the only man not yet seated.
"I am not about to spend this flight getting up every 2 minutes because you have to pee." Matt says, "Abby didn't used to need to take all those pitstops when we're on the bus." Matt adds.
"I hate the aisle, the cart could hit my legs." Kevin argues.
"Then you can sit in the middle if Smith's willing to move." Matt says.
"You can have the middle Kevin." Smith offers actually preferring the aisle seat since then he doesn't have to ask anyone to move for him.
"I hate the middle seat, there is no room." Kevin crosses his arms.
"Smith is like only 3 inches shorter than you and he's not complaining." Matt continues.
"It's an important 3 inches."
"I bet it is."
"Nicky, are you serious?"
"What?!"
"There is an uninvolved member of the public, right there."
"He's wearing headphones it's fine!"
---
It's fine.
Eventually Kevin takes the middle seat if for no other reason than Matt stubbornly pretends to go to sleep but absolutely does not want the aisle seat either.
Smith gives it up and ends up with his own preferred seat while Kevin pointedly takes both of the arm rests, as is his right. The plane ride progresses smoothly from there. Smith has always liked flying. There is always a sense that the second that he gets onto the plane and the door closes he has absolutely zero control over what happens afterwards.
That is a nice comfort.
He pays attention to the safety briefing, finds his nearest exit, and that he should secure the bag over his own face before securing it on Kevin's.
He puts his headphones on and tries not to think about the anxiety of meeting the 'girls'.
He has heard much about the 'girls'.
Allison Reynolds. Allison was someone who's legacy existed even outside of the team. Smith didn't know much about fashion but a Reynolds bet remained a solid practice within Palmetto. She was, undeniably, absolutely gorgeous and if Kevin was to be believed 'kind of a bitch'. Nicky had swatted his arm but had said that it was not entirely inaccurate but like 'in the best way'.
Dan Wilds. He met Dan. Dan was nice. Also, if Matt was to be believed, the best human to ever walk the planet earth. The reason the sun rose in the east and set in the west. The gravitational pull that held the universe together. If Andrew is to be believed, she's fine.
Renee Walker. Renee was the one who taught Andrew how to use knives. His friend has talked warmly of her, in the way that Andrew talks warmly about anyone which is mentioning them at all. She was the one that Smith was the most anxious about meeting.
Kevin turns his nose up at the ginger ale that Smith gets but he's allowed these now per his actual doctors orders.
1 hour left until arriving at JFK.
He hopes this ginger ale is enough to calm his stomach since he's still not allowed Pepto.

MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU
NEXT
#Fluent Freshman AU#Oh boy it feels nice to write this again#If I were to name this chapter something else it would be 'Smiths on a Plane'#MAN IT'S BEEN A MONTH#Moved#got my place painted#got new appliances because my old ones were older than me#Developed a life long hatred for whoever designed the barstools I bought from WayFair#It was not just what I needed#Anyway we're back#Smith's on a plane#About to meet the GIRLS#Kevin almost had to call Andreil to have them come back#There may have been some autographs given to the staff to be able to re-open the door for him.#He wanted mineral water and wanted to be selective on the minerals#I don't mean to write him like this but every time I write him he is like this#Matt is based on my sister in this regard with 'exact science' meanwhile I show up 4 hours early to a flight#Like no checked bag I'm TSA pre-checked#I have never missed a flight and I fear what i'd do if I did#Matt may be a bit of a Gomez for Dan but who can blame him#Next up Smith actually meets the girls#Fluent Freshman - 44#AFTG#AFTG OC#AFTG AU#Palmetto State Foxes#AFTG Fic
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pissed tf off because 1) i have once again put on a new show thinking i could work on shit with it in the background without getting distracted (and failing miserably)(when will i learn). 2) i have a new character that i want to tear apart with my teeth which pisses me off even more because 3) it is EMBARRASSING how much i like this character i could fucking feel my pupils dilating and my prey drive activate literally immediately 4) it is even more embarrassing bc he is so embarrassingly my type that im pissed tf off that i never watched this before now or literally any time i wasnt busy. and this all leads to 5) now i have to think about killing him when i am TRYING TO GET SHIT DONE and it's making me mad it's pissing me off so bad i'm fucking enraged they should invent a way to physically harm fictional characters just for me i think
#IM GOING TO THROW UP#for the record i started watching this show like 3 days ago (the exact same time i stopped properly working on my valentines cards....)#and every day since ive just been like [thinks abt the character] adkjddhsjhahsjdlkakhsghdfashsjkhhds asjhdajsjdhvamnbsmbashjbdnasnd#*starts banging my head against the wall* skjsjhgdjakdshhjsjahjdsada ksdjhjajhadjhkadsjmkajdjs#but like it's not at light yagami levels okay. but i can see it getting there. but i cannot let this happen. but it Could. u understand.#literally my sister asked off-hand what i was watching and i fucking put it down adn started pacing and ranted abt the show#and The Character for Literally an hour when i was on like s1ep5#okay we're far enough in the tags for me to admit it's hannibal Yes i know there is a lot of overlap btwn dn and hannibal fans No i still#didnt watch it for the longest time idk why BUT Why didnt anyyone tell me that will graham is like that. like yeah i knew some things#abt hannibal but i didnt know will was Like That. like i feel sick. i also didnt know about the glasses why havent i seen the glasses#before im losing it im going to throw up and im not kidding i feel physically ill. this is likely bc i ate peanut butter which apparently#makes me feel sick now. not an allergy but it's triggering a problem ive never had w pb before so like Okay ig we;re doing that now#so anyway will graham.... it's not fatal but it is bad. now watch me never post abt hannibal again bc if i start posting abt it it might#become fatal. and then i'll never escape. and like i need to be doing things like applying to schools and being sane#and idk if i can do that and also deal with more characters that i need to kill
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by the way, secret shoutout for @luminarm and @fantombe for being the absolute coolest, most amazing and awesomest people ever, pass it on
#listen … i left the rpc years ago. lillith knows why. we're trauma bonded because of it. dfghjghjk#anyway#i didn't think i could ever feel good about tumblr rp again. but ☝️#these two wonderful people are just. so kind and genuine and i just like them very much.#sappy jo hours!#thanks for coming to my ted talk.#:)
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How does he stand, how does he speak? / How does he say these words to me? / Devil go and let me be!
[one last gawain for @mortiscausa’s ’march to camelot,’ for the prompt ‘grudge’]
#em draws stuff#march to camelot#arthurian things#arthuriana#gawain#we're going full circle!! back to gawain and back to his very own trials of cato song!#originally I meant to put silhouettes of the rest of the orkney brothers in the background of this one but it ended up not looking so great#so! We Solve The Problem By Adding Some Standing Stones <- thing I have been doing in 50% of these drawings#thank you website of the ferry I cried in for an hour for lovely reference pictures of the ring of brodgar. What.#so yeah! this one came together right quick again and I feel as if I'm ending it on a good note!#thank you so much mortiscausa for holding this event -- it's been so lovely to get to participate#and I'm very pleased to finally have gotten around to drawing arthurian things after all this while!
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#i will back to throw grimmet on the dash later i#am being summoned for games again today#tbh we played 10 games and won 8 so that was good ????#but also i never expect to game w/ my sister for like 5 hours but once we're in we ARE IN#ooc.#ill touch my askbox again later#im finally in a spot where i feel like i can write longer things again
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Hmmm the more I learn about osdd / other dissociative stuff like that the more im convinced i have it & that i dont have it ❤️
#nillas#head stuff#Between all the ''Oh you dont have to experience X to qualify'' and stuff i am. getting confused.#Am I plural or am I just delusional? Sometimes I can recognize their voices being mine sometimes i genuinely cant#i do have cases where I dont feel any emotion towards a memory despite another 'part' of me doing so but idk if its because#theyre a different person from me or if its just me repressing myself again#How do i know im not just doing a fancy version of self compartmentalization with characters and actors?#or. is that a part of being plural.#Its so weird#All i know is that even if its all Me but in different disguises. I know theres 1 guy who gave me a name without me expecting it#and hes here and he nags me a lot so sorry i rarely listen to him.... cant help it i dont like using this body#I should just stop trying to look up what mental illness I have its not gonna help cuz i can't actually identify anything myself#Plural or not there are voices in my head telling me to stop staring at my phone all day and you know what. SOLID advice.#NOT gonna cuz I dont feel like doing anything else. not that I have anything else to do either.#We're gonna play the sims for 4 hours again if you have any complaints try to pull me out
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//////
#i feel lucid again for the first time in like 48 hours holy shit#my body is fr trying to end me#you know how we're like what 70 something percent water? well i'm at least 50 percent mucus by now#i'm the grossest girl alive#i'm half dead and not even a little bit feeling sorry for myself no way#me and my best friend ibuprofen are making it through this one day at a time 🥹#genuinely do not know how i'm meant to go to work tomorrow but it's the first day of the year and i cannot be sick#and i think i'm just over the worst of it so antibiotics won't be needed so what real excuse do i have#waaghghh#also it's snowing! very heavily too. white out. pretty
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not every wish, but just enough: a short Valentione's story
(once again with thanks and apologies to @escherstrange-ffxiv who lends me her boy and his voice with much grace; I tried to keep it as consistent as I could in an effort to surprise my friend. I hope it worked. Also no cut this time because tumblr can suck it)
Part 1
~
~fin~
#the sharlayan au#oudine de aubemarle#sirolimus jules#valentione's day 2025#vanilla is my favourite flavour#once again with feeling:#Je ne regretterai jamais ça! Jamais!#we're gonna get here#I believe in them#I believe in us#we *will* arrive at this moment#even if I have to RP 12 hours straight#(no absolutely not we're not doing that)#anyway: happy valentione's everyone
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thought abt solas as eurydice again

#goodbye im off to rewatch a 2 hour subbed and multi angled greek slime tutorial real quick#i think tghe worst fucking part of the whole thing is the leitmotif parallel. i literally feel like i have scarlet rot each time i think ab#orpheus and eurydice having the 'la lalala la' thing. solas and the inquisitor having the hallelujah cadence. that is insane. that is insan#''its a sad song / its a tragedy / but we're gonna sing it anyway'' thinking abt those lyric and solavellan to die instantly btw.#like im so desensitized to their romance after so long but truly if i went into this game completely blind again and you told me#that there was an RO who would never sleep with you but would instead harmonize with you to the melody of an old leonard cohen song#i cant even FINISH this joke bc the thought makes me too crazy. even 7 years later it really does inspire shrimp emotions within me#solas nation go watch hadestown if you havent already. you will regret it but do it anyway#''it's a sad song / but we sing it anyway / cause here's the thing / to know how it ends / and still begin to sing it again#as if it might turn out this time'' BYE
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batman: son of the demon
[ID: three panels of Bruce Wayne and Talia al Ghul being in love (and horny) for each other. In the first one, Bruce is in their luxurious bedroom for the first time and is awkwardly standing in his costume as Talia is behind a dressing screen and is changing into a white, satin négligée with lace detailing on it. She reminds him that they technically are married (and that she consented readily to it) but Bruce confesses, “I remember. But it's hard for me to consider that marriage real.” Talia emerges from behind the screen, looking as beautiful as ever as she walks up to him and eases his cowl off. She tells him, “Beloved, you give too much thought to what is ‘real,’ and what is not, to what is ‘true,’ and what is ‘false...’ I realize that is your way, but just this once, accept things as they are...” He strips himself of his clothes as they move to the bed—Talia laying on her back as he's between her legs. She continues to speak, “Forego your control, your discipline... just once, let yourself go... and take me with you.” Her arms slip around his neck as they kiss passionately.
The second panel is lineart of them against a white background. They look at each other lovingly, her hands reaching up to be on his shoulders as he holds her waist. The narration boxes read: ‘While still finding time to be a newlywed, a role in which he is quite unskilled... but—to his delight—quickly learns.’
In the third panel, several weeks have past. Bruce and Ra's al Ghul are walking before Talia interrupts and asks her beloved for a word. Bruce starts to ask if it can wait, due to him and Ra's discussing an important mission but she tells him it cannot. Ra's reassures, “Go, detective, we shall speak of this later.” Bruce and Talia pull away to talk in private, the background a beautiful, bright ombré of red and yellows. She has her arms up on his shoulders as he holds her waist and starts to ask, “Now, Talia, what's so impor—” but she quickly shares, “Beloved, I am with child.” Bruce starts to repeat her but Talia already confirms again, “I am pregnant.” She continues to look up at him, patiently waiting for his response as Bruce stares straight ahead, obviously in shock. He slowly repeats the words back to her in an attempt to register them, “You're... pregnant?” Before he suddenly beams! He pulls her into a tight, close embrace as he excitedly announces, “That's wonderful!” Talia smiles at him and says, “Isn't it?” Before her father can shake Bruce's hand with his own warm smile. Bruce still holds Talia's hand as Ra's tells him, “Detective, Dr. Weltmann could not keep this from me. My congratulations.” END ID]
#reading this comic is just going ‘awweee theyre so cute i hope nothing bad happens to them :)’#for 49 pages straight before something bad happens to them for the remaining 29 pages#screaming crying throwing up thinking about what could have been....#like....#theres so... so much....#‘i know that's how you are’ and asking him to just let go at least for one night#and the fact that he loves her enough to try again and again even if it can never last!!!!!!#they got to spent MONTHS as a couple!!! they slept together they fucked they had dinner they talked for hours they were in love and happy!!#he got to actually experience that life for a solid stretch of time and he goes on to say how happy he is for the first time in his life!#like its so hard to forget since its a comic and pacing but they were together like that for weeks!! months!#and then having it all ripped away??? having to give it up again???#both of them got that taste of happiness. of that life they can never have. both of them got to be in love and indulge#no gotham and those responsibilities. not torn between her father and bruce. no constant heartbreak....#they got to see and experience and feel the future theyre doomed to never share together. they were in love and happy and :(((#oh batman son of the demon... we're really in it now....#c: batman: son of the demon#crypt's panels#batman#bruce wayne#talia al ghul#brutalia#ra's al ghul
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