#wey even the mention of sure there's more white light

[ratguy-nico]

Twinkly Light

Like said not my fav song, but the message people. Brutal. y es un temon igual no me hagan mucho caso 🕺

[fairyniceyeah]

⌛🐿️ I’m not okay

Title from NOT OKAY (ATEEZ)

Summary: Filming for the "NOT OKAY" M/V overwhelms Hongjoong. Wooyoung senses his hyung needs some comfort and tlc.

CW: mental health issues, mentions of trauma

Sickie/Whumpee: Hongjoong Caretaker: Wooyoung (+ Seonghwa)

„The cameras are here and there. We’ll monitor from the outside and you will be able to hear us over the speaker”, the director said. Hongjoong nodded, already not a fan of the metal claws trapping his hand. For the filming of their new Japanese single “Not okay” they had decided to focus their M/V on their real fears and the trauma from their lore. Why that meant Hongjoong needed to have his hand in this claw, he didn’t know.

With the ideas of lore and trauma in mind, they had decided to have Jongho trapped on a hospital bed – a reflection of his injuries which the maknae had suggested himself. 

Wooyoung’s stage fright and anxiety on how he was received by society – something that had been a problem for some time. 

Mingi’s anxiety and his escape through music which he had mastered very well during filming the day before. 

San’s problems with stalking and his instability before he found a home with them, his anger and fear after losing his grandfather. 

Yeosang not being free, being controlled by his parents – which also was a mirror of his past though their relationship was now better than ever. 

Yunho had protested using any real trauma so they had focused on his lore of losing his brother, which in hindsight Hongjoong was not sure was so smart, knowing Yunho now daily talked with him over phone. 

Seonghwa being stopped from doing what he wanted by his own fears and not having time for himself – for their oldest it was a very vague concept and Hongjoong assumed that Seonghwa had not felt ready to show everything to ATINY. They hadn’t spoken much about it personally.

For Hongjoong himself, in alignment with their lore he was left behind by his family, trapped and alone.

Naturally, their brilliant idea was to have Hongjoong be alone while filming, a sort of method acting if anything. The mirrors and phone screens, as well as the metal claw could easily reflect loneliness and abandonment, make him think he was actually alone. Leaving him alone without the camera crew in the room that in itself was very small alone was the most logical approach. He supposed it would make the filming much more realistic if he didn’t actually have to act - it wasn’t his strongest suit after all.

“Lie down on the floor”, the director explained over the speakers and Hongjoong complied. “Just look a mix of scared and entranced. The phone will start flashing in hana, dul, set!”

Though he had been warned, Hongjoong had not quite expected the white screen blinking wildly at him to be so bright. Instinctively he closed his eyes, in the same moment knowing he had ruined the shot. “Sorry”, he called out. Over the speakers, the director counted down again.

Hongjoong lost count of how often the words “HOME”, “ALONE”, “MISSING”, “MOTHER”, “FAMILY”, “BEHIND” and “AFRAID” flashed into his face. The director was nice, he supposed, but very perfectionistic. As he finally called a halt to filming Hongjoong’s eyes kept hurting, imaginary lights flickering in and out. Already his head started to hurt and he hoped the lights would not trigger a migraine. He didn’t have time for that.

“Hongjoong-ssi, that was very well done. We’ll take a short break and then resume with the next scene. Unless you need to use the bathroom, I’d like to ask you to stay in there to get into the feeling, okay?”

“I’m okay for now”, Hongjoong replied and sat on the floor to wait. He hated method acting, in a way. He knew he wasn’t alone, was just in a small room for the filming but everything seemed so far away. There was a deep silence in the room, the only thing Hongjoong could hear was his own breathing. It was not a nice place to be. 

Also, despite Hongjoong having been on camera so often since even before debut, this felt weird, knowing that he was being watched while he couldn’t see anything outside of the room. To take his mind off the matter, he decided to look around the room. He was, after all, interested in how the M/V would turn out. 

The room was built in a way that resembled an abandoned hotel room or something close to that. It was really small. Behind Hongjoong was a mirror that didn’t help make the room feel bigger, it just made everything more confusing.. Hongjoong wasn’t claustrophobic, nevertheless the little space made him uneasy.

Hongjoong sighed, uneasy with knowing the other members were somewhere else. He wished he could be able to at least see one of them to reassure himself that he wasn’t alone. It might just be a small, separate room at the filming location he was in but any other human could be kilometers away for all he could tell. 

Kilometers away, just like his family. 

Hongjoong swallowed. When they wrote the concepts he had never once imagined that he would feel affected by the scenes. After all they were just filming an M/V with content from their lore. Yet Hongjoong had to admit to himself that it hit a bit too close to home for comfort.

The captain hadn’t seen his parents in nearly half a year, his own schedules too much and not at all matching with his parents’ work times. His last meeting with Bumjoong had also been months ago. Sure, Hongjoong knew that other idols hadn’t seen their families in much longer (some of his members included). But still, he missed them. He always told all the members that it wasn’t a contest who saw his family the least.

It didn’t make it any easier for him but Hongjoong was happy that he was so close to his own family. His parents had always supported him with what he wanted for himself, never pressuring him to follow a career he didn’t want for himself. Hongjoong loved them with all his heart and he knew they loved him that way too.

He remembered his appa’s message from Idol Radio, which back then had nearly made him cry on camera. He had been able to push the tears back then, unlike other times in ATEEZ’s own content. Right now, he felt a sudden longing to just call his parents and beg them to come to Seoul just for a day. He wanted his eomma to hug him like she did when he was a child and have his appa speak with him in person.

Sometimes being an adult scared Hongjoong. He was painfully aware of everything that could happen while he was away, unlike a child who trusted that everything would always be okay. Back when he was younger he had never been able to imagine living one day without seeing his parents. He’d been the kid that would never stay for sleepovers and while he certainly had outgrown that, he still had had to learn that his parents were living their own lives and were not just his parents. They had their own careers, their own lives and while, if they could, they certainly would drop everything to help him that was just not a realistic expectation.

Sometimes it felt like being an idol never was enough payment for all the time he lost with his family. He had left home when he was a teenager, spent all his time in the studio with EDEN.

It had hurt to realize that when his dreams of being a musician had clashed with staying home in Anyang. Being the only trainee at KQ for six months had been lonely and he had lost count of how many nights he had cried himself to sleep during that time.

Sometimes it felt like some of the managers who had been there since the start were more of his parents than his actual parents, considering they knew much more about his life than his parents did. Sure, he had his members, his found family, but the responsibility of being a leader and a hyung was something he didn’t necessarily want all the time. But Hongjoong was a hyung, not the maknae he was at home. Quickly he had had to turn from being a comfort-seeker to being a comfort-giver. His own need for comfort had been pushed back.

Not that he blamed his dongsaengs, he could never. It was just hard seeing them get what he wanted and (most often in Jongho’s case, but Yunho and Yeosang were culprits often enough) reject it.

Hongjoong closed his eyes and shook himself, hoping to get out of his head or, even better yet, get to start filming again. But nobody came, not even a voice over the loudspeakers.

Instead, the words repeated themselves in his mind.

HOME

ALONE

MISSING

MOTHER

FAMILY

BEHIND

AFRAID

His hands started to tremble.

He was never home, neither with his parents nor his brother nor with his members.

He often was alone, at the studio or now he was alone trapped in the room.

He was missing his mother, his family, everyone he had left behind.

He was afraid.

Afraid of failure. Afraid of losing his family. Afraid of not being good enough. Afraid that one bad decision, one bad song would make them lose ATINY. Afraid that he could lose his members. Afraid of making the smallest mistake. Afraid of his members leaving for the military or for the opportunity for a single career – things that had ruined his sunbaes before.

Tears filling his eyes made him finally be able to snap out of the slump he was falling into.

No, he couldn’t think like that. Not on a film set with a renowned director. Not while - for all he knew - somebody could be watching him through the cameras. He took a deep breath and managed to calm himself down quickly enough.

But he couldn’t stop the shaking of his hands for the rest of the filming session.

⌛

Wooyoung was worried. They had just come home from filming the last bits of their M/V and Hongjoong had disappeared into his room the moment they had come home. Sure, the captain could be just tired, they had been filming for the past three days straight. Today had mostly just been their solo scenes, which for easier transport had been done in dorm arrangements. Seonghwa, San and Mingi had been allowed to go home in the afternoon, the lucky bastards. Yunho and Yeosang had left two hours later. Only Wooyoung, Jongho and Hongjoong had been required to stay back until ten in the evening. Wooyoung was a bit jealous but also very happy for the other members.

Hongjoong’s filming had taken the longest and Wooyoung had felt really bad for his hyung who had been forced to stay in the separate area for over six hours with only one bathroom break. Wooyoung was glad he himself at least had been surrounded by the dance crew, so he wasn’t so alone. Jongho’s filming had also not taken too long, the maknae a born actor.

Speaking off, Jongho walked into the kitchen just at that moment, shrugging on his jacket. “I’m going out to eat with Mingi-hyung and will probably stay the night at their dorm.”

“Alright, have fun”, Wooyoung said with a small wave. Then Jongho disappeared and he was once again alone in the kitchen. He supposed he could make dinner for himself and maybe Hongjoong. Maybe it would cheer his hyung up, he had been very quiet on the way back. His whole demeanor had basically screamed that something was wrong and he didn’t want Hongjoong to be alone when he was feeling off.

Wooyoung wasn’t quite sure what was going on with Hongjoong but he had a duty as a dongsaeng to check on his hyung. Even if said hyung was emotionally constipated and would probably act like he was fine. He could act as if he was fine while in company and with good, home-made food too.

He walked up to their bedrooms, Hongjoong’s room at the end of the hallway and separated from his and Jongho’s by the bathroom. Just as he was about to knock and ask what Hongjoong wanted to eat, he heard a quiet noise come through the closed door.

Was that? No, it couldn’t be. But it sounded suspiciously like Hongjoong was crying?

For a moment, Wooyoung faltered. He didn’t want to intrude Hongjoong’s privacy, considering how much the captain valued it. But Wooyoung could not in good conscience leave a sad member alone, when maybe all they needed was a shoulder to cry on and a hug. If Hongjoong truly wanted to be left alone, Wooyoung would leave.

Wooyoung cautiously knocked on the door, listening for any sounds from inside. Nearly immediately the sniffling stopped and was replaced by hitched breathing. Then Hongjoong’s voice came, wet and uncertain: “Don’t come in. It’s not a good time, sorry.”

Wooyoung sighed. He hadn’t really expected anything else. “Hyung”, he called, trying to keep his voice soft and warm, “it’s just me, Wooyoung-ah. Let me come in, okay? I know something is up and I don’t want you to be alone.”

There was silence for a long time and just as Wooyoung was about to enter anyway, Hongjoong said: “If you really want to, I guess you can come in.”

Wooyoung didn’t waste a second, scared that Hongjoong would revoke his agreement to come in, and opened the door. The captain’s room was nearly drenched in darkness, and Wooyoung had to blink a bit to let his eyes adjust. Only a small moon lamp, the one Hongjoong’s parents had gifted him after their successful promotions of Crazy Form, was on. 

Hongjoong himself was laying under his blankets, which were pretty messy and showed that the captain was curled into himself underneath them. Only a tuft of blonde hair and tired eyes were peeking out. It hurt to see Hongjoong brought so low, normally he was such a bright and happy person. Of course Wooyoung had seen Hongjoong cry before, after their first win and then many other instances later on. But this seemed random - nothing had happened except for the filming. Or had something? Maybe it was his family?

Tentatively, Wooyoung stepped into the room, aware that Hongjoong was watching him. He crossed the small space until he could comfortably sit on the bed beside Hongjoong. Wooyoung hesitated, not knowing if Hongjoong wanted to be touched, but decided to at least place one hand onto the blanket where he supposed the captain’s shoulder was. Up close he could now see how red Hongjoong’s eyes were and the tears and, disgusting, snot on his pale face. 

Hongjoong sighed at the contact, breathing out deeply and focused his gaze on Wooyoung’s hand. “I’m sorry you have to deal with … this”, he mumbled and unburied one trembling hand to vaguely gesture at himself. Now at least his whole face was uncovered and Wooyoung didn’t have to fear anymore that he was trying to suffocate himself.

“I’d rather help than let you be sad alone”, Wooyoung soothed. He still didn’t know what this was. Nothing to do but ask. “I know you probably don’t want to, hyung, but it might help talking about what made you hide in here and cry.”

“You are, for once, right”, Hongjoong said, his lips wobbling as he tried to force a smile, “I really don’t want to talk about it. It’s irrelevant, really.” 

“It’s not irrelevant if it makes you unhappy, hyung”, Wooyoung protested lightly, “Jongho-yah is out with Mingi-hyung. Do you want to sit in the kitchen and eat something? You must be hungry?”

Hongjoong shook his head at that, even with the added information that they were alone and there was no need to reveal his perceived weakness to anybody but Wooyoung. “I’m not hungry at all. I don’t want to get up.”

“How about you take a hot shower to clean yourself up, hm? The hot water might make you feel better. I’ll use the time to make us some ramen and once we’ve eaten we can sit on the couch or go back here, whatever you want. Then you can tell me what’s on your mind”, Wooyoung suggested.

“When did you become so mature, baby?”, Hongjoong asked with a sad sigh, running a hand through his hair. “I’m up.” It was obvious how much strength it took from the older to sit up and swing his legs over the side of the bed. His knees nearly buckled under his weight and Wooyoung had to place a steadying hand on his hip to help him stay upright. Hongjoong must be more exhausted than Wooyoung had thought.

Gently he led Hongjoong to the bathroom, never once letting go of him. “Take your time. I’ll bring you some pajamas, okay? Just don’t lock the door, you’re not as steady as I would like. Yell if you need anything.”

Tiredly, Hongjoong nodded and slowly stepped into the bathroom as if it took all his power to do so. 

With worry in his chest, Wooyoung left him to it. Deciding that a whole meal could be made another day, he instead went to the kitchen and just boiled some water for instant ramen. It would have to be enough, and as he opened the fridge he was greeted with some left-over mini chocolate cakes that Jongho may or may not have begged the manager for the day before. Surely, Jongho wouldn’t mind Wooyoung using them to cheer up the captain - well, considering that Hongjoong probably would not want Jongho to know, Wooyoung could deal with Jongho being angry at him for a day or two. It was for a better cause, really.

While the water needed some time, Wooyoung decided to change Hongjoong’s bed sheets while he had the time. It was just an amazing feeling to uncurl up under fresh sheets, especially considering Hongjoong had laid down with his dirty outside clothes on before. So, on his way to grab Hongjoong some pajamas he stopped by the small alcove which held the cleaning supplies and fresh towels and sheets. Wooyoung selected one of the good, silky ones that he had … borrowed from Seonghwa before they had changed dorms. He wanted the best for his hard-working captain. 

He deposited the fresh sheets on Hongjoong’s desk and returned to his own room for a moment, grabbing the pajamas he had had in mind since he suggested them. It was just an old pair of San’s sweatpants and a T-shirt which had originally belonged to Yunho but had probably been worn by all of them at some point. Both items were soft and comfy and smelled like home. They would dwarf Hongjoong a lot but Wooyoung knew the captain took comfort from that too.

Wooyoung knocked onto the bathroom door and when he received no answer, he quickly opened the door in worry. But it seemed like Hongjoong just had not heard him, still standing under the shower. The glass of the shower was milky enough that two members technically could use the bathroom at the same time without awkwardness but they preferred not to.

“I’m putting your clothes on the washing machine”, Wooyoung called and received a quiet ‘thank you’ in return. Not wanting to place them in any weird position, Wooyoung quickly left and focused on changing Hongjoong’s bed sheets before finishing up the ramen.

⌛

Wooyoung only needed to wait for a few minutes until Hongjoong joined him in the kitchen. While the clothes should have looked ridiculous on him, it just made him look cozy. Especially with his blond hair slightly dripping onto his shoulders and his bare face, Hongjoong looked very young.

“You wanna eat on the couch? Seonghwa-hyung isn’t here to yell at us”, Wooyoung asked and received a nod. Feeding his hyung took priority over talking about his feelings for the time being. “Let me.” 

He didn’t want Hongjoong to help, maybe even spoil him a bit, so Wooyoung directed him to the couch and carried over the bowls, plates and two glasses of water by himself. He sat everything down on the table and fell onto the couch next to his tired hyung.

“Eat as much as you can”, Wooyoung ordered, knowing Hongjoong was one of the members best at pushing around food in a way to make it look like he had eaten. The captain threw him a wary glance but didn’t protest, instead picking up his chopsticks.

They ate in comfortable silence though it seemed Hongjoong was starting to struggle to stay awake. Once or twice Wooyoung had to save his bowl from tipping over, precariously balanced on Hongjoong’s knees. He didn’t eat close to enough but Wooyoung didn’t have the heart to make him eat more when he put the bowl onto the TV table.

“Chocolate cake?”, Wooyoung offered instead but Hongjoong shook his head.

“I’m really not hungry.”

⌛

With a sigh, Hongjoong rested his head against Wooyoung’s shoulder once both of them were done with eating. He was cold, tired and just wanted to sleep and forget about the day. Staying here, curled up with Wooyoung, sounded like heaven to his frazzled mind. But he knew he owed Wooyoung an explanation of … everything that had happened.

Wooyoung turned his head a bit to look down at Hongjoong and brushed some of the now cold, wet hair from his face. Wooyoung started to frown just then and placed the back of his cold hand against Hongjoong’s forehead.

“You’re feeling warm, hyung”, he said, voice sad, “I think you might be running a fever.”

“I took a hot shower”, Hongjoong countered half-heartedly. He knew the warmth from the shower would not last that long and, if he was honest, a fever would explain his exhausted, emotional state.

“Yeah, but your hair is cold while your forehead is burning”, Wooyoung said, “let me fetch the thermometer for my peace of mind.”

Hongjoong did not, in fact, want to lift his head to let Wooyoung leave but he did. His temples were pounding and the lull of sleep was pulling him in. He opened his eyes to a hand stroking his cheek and obediently he let Wooyoung place the metal under his tongue. Hongjoong reached out with the hand not holding the thermometer to entangle his fingers with Wooyoung’s while they waited. Then a few beeps. Great.

“38.1°C”, Wooyoung read out, “could have been much worse. I have some fever reducers here for you.” 

Deciding he did not want to fight Wooyoung, and also desperate to feel better, Hongjoong just silently took the pills from Wooyoung and took a bite from the chocolate cake he had left over. Once he had downed the pills he took a few sips of water, shivering when the cold liquid went through his body. 

Instantly Wooyoung reached across him and spread the fluffy, oversized blanket over both of them. Hongjoong sunk back down against his side, too comfy to even consider leaving their small nest. Wooyoung hummed and wrapped his arm around Hongjoong so that he could lean his head on Wooyoung’s chest. A hand came to play with his hair and Hongjoong sighed in content. He could probably fall asleep right where he was.

“What’s on your mind, hyung?”, Wooyoung asked gently.

At the question, unwanted tears flooded Hongjoong’s eyes again and he shrugged. What should he say? What could he say?

“I guess filming was a bit too much today”, Hongjoong settled on, reluctantly, “it wasn’t really nice to be alone for so long, especially with the concept…” He trailed off, voice going quieter the more he spoke. Wooyoung, however, didn’t seem to have an issue understanding him.

“Did you feel sick then too?”, he asked. Hongjoong shook his head. Overwhelmed and sad, yes. But not sick.

“Filming probably took a lot out of you, especially with how emotional it can be. No wonder you’re exhausted and feverish. I can’t fathom how it feels to be alone for so long”, Wooyoung said. Hongjoong was, at this very moment, very glad it had been him and not one of the other members who had had to do this.

“It wasn’t nice”, Hongjoong agreed. Then before he could lose his courage, he asked: “Do you think it’s really worth it? Being idols, I mean.”

Wooyoung inhaled sharply and pressed a kiss against Hongjoong’s temple before he maneuvered Hongjoong from his arms. For a second Hongjoong was scared that the younger would leave, would hate his captain for doubting what they had worked so hard for. Instead Wooyoung turned them both so they could look at each other. One of his hands came to rest against Hongjoong’s cheek, fingers icy-cold against his blazing hot skin.

“For me, it’s definitely worth it, hyung. I don’t want to imagine a world where I never got to meet all of you”, Wooyoung said with a tight smile. At his words Hongjoong’s tears began to fall in earnest again and suddenly he was pulled into a bone-crushing hug, sobbing against his dongsaeng’s chest. Wooyoung held on tight, running his hands up and down Hongjoong’s back and gently soothed and sobs that sounded in the otherwise silent room.

It felt good, in a way, to let go of his anxieties and emotions. To get comforted by somebody who he knew wouldn’t judge. To not have to pretend that he was okay.

⌛

Hongjoong didn’t know how long it was that he was crying for when he was finally able to calm down. Wooyoung helped Hongjoong lie down on his lap, as hesitant as Hongjoong to let go. There were tears on his face too.

“We’re a mess”, Hongjoong rasped. “Yeah, but we’re a mess together. That’s okay”, Wooyoung replied and reached over Hongjoong to grab the box of tissues that was placed on the table. He handed Hongjoong a few tissues and took some for himself. Hongjoong blew his nose, then used a new tissue to wipe his eyes. They burned and ached but he felt lighter somehow. 

“We’ll clean up some other time, the floor is as good as any place”, Wooyoung said and they both dropped the crumbled balls onto the floor.

“I’m sorry”, Hongjoong mumbled, after a moment of contemplation. He didn’t want to burden the younger members with his issues, even less cry all over them. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. We all had a hard day and yet I’m the only one ugly crying on the sofa.”

“Hm, none of us had to sit alone in a small room for six hours while occasionally getting flashed by our own trauma. Besides, you have spent all your nights at the studio and are exhausted. And you’re running a fever, though that might be also a reaction to the stress. Don’t feel bad about it, hyung.” Wooyoung shrugged, nonchalant.

But as Wooyoung had said, he was the hyung, the captain. He had to be strong.

Hongjoong didn’t realize he had voiced his thoughts out loud until Wooyoung said: “It’s okay to be weak from time to time. We’re a team, you know. You don’t have to carry all your burdens alone, hyung. Tell me what else has been on your mind, please.” 

Wooyoung sounded so earnest, so hopeful, so worried that Hongjoong couldn’t help but talk.

“I guess … I am … I am so afraid, all the time. Sometimes I think this is all just a dream and I will wake up again in a bed alone, the lone trainee of KQ. Working hard until they decide that debuting a group is too much and that I will have to go back home in shame. I’m scared that one day people will come to realize that they don’t like us as much as they thought. That one bad song, one mistake will ruin all our careers and that it will be all my fault. I’m afraid that all that I have gone through - all that we have gone through - may have been for naught at the end of the day”, Hongjoong admitted, sniffling slightly. His nose was still blocked from crying and it was hard to breathe again.

“It’s real, hyung. It’s all real”, Wooyoung whispered, “we’re famous, we have millions of ATINYs behind our backs, ready to defend us and loving what we do. And even if some might lose interest and one day we’re not as famous anymore, we’re still eight. We’re still your friends, hyung. Isn’t that enough?”

Hongjoong looked up at his dongsaeng who was looking at him with stars in his eyes. He had never really realized how much the members adored him but he could see the love Wooyoung held for him.

“It’s enough for me. But I want you to shine on stage and be happy”, Hongjoong whispered.

“We’re happy, hyung. We’re all so happy, don’t worry. Even if we weren’t on stage, we’d be happy, I promise.”

“Okay”, Hongjoong choked out.

Wooyoung continued running his fingers through Hongjoong’s hair. He seemed to contemplate what to say next. Hongjoong held his breath.

“But that’s still not all, is it?”, Wooyoung asked.

Hongjoong was already too deep in spilling his secrets to start caring now what Wooyoung might think.

“I miss my family”, he whispered, feeling ashamed anyhow. Wooyoung didn’t see his family … no, it wasn’t a competition. They could all miss their families no matter how often - or not - they saw them. 

“I just … I mean I left for Seoul when I was so young. I sometimes regret it, you know. Not spending time with them when I still have it. I know I am overthinking but … I mean, technically anybody could die tomorrow and I will forever regret not spending more time with them. I miss them so much, I miss seeing them daily. I miss my eomma’s hugs and my appa’s comforting words and I even miss Bumjoong teasing me for this or that. I guess, I just … I just want to not be ‘on’ all the time. It’s scary too, knowing that here I am the second oldest, the person responsible for all of you. Any small mistake I make could hurt you. I am so scared you will come to resent me if I wasn’t careful, decided wrong and something bad happened…”

“Hyung, Joong-ah, stop”, Woyooung interjected, gently but firmly enough that it shut Hongjoong up. “Listen to me, hyung: We will never resent you for whatever happens. We know you always do the best for us, decide what you think is best. Until now you have not led us astray and I doubt you will. You’re always there for us and we’re so thankful to you. I’m just sorry that we haven’t taken care of you as much as you deserved.”

Wooyoung tapped his finger against Hongjoong’s temple. “You are so smart, hyung, and so headstrong. I know you think you need to be the strong, reliable hyung and captain for us. But you don’t have to be all the time. You’re barely five months older than Yunho, both you and Seonghwa are not much older than we are. I know people call us ‘the kids’ but we do forget sometimes that we actually aren’t. You don’t always need to take care of us. I know you are the baby in your family and I can understand it must be hard to have suddenly been forced into an unknown role. But please, please remember: It’s eight makes one team. You can lean on us too, Hongjoong-hyung.”

Maybe it was the way Wooyoung had said it with tears already glistening in his eyes again, or it was something else but Hongjoong found himself overwhelmed with sobs again. He turned to hide his face against Wooyoung’s stomach and cried.

Cried about his fears.

Cried about the past.

Cried about the future.

Cried about the difficult day.

Cried for himself.

It was good. Cathartic. 

⌛

Wooyoung’s heart ached for his captain, sobbing on his lap. None of the members, not even Seonghwa, seemed to have known just how much baggage and internal pressure Hongjoong carried with himself. How much he hid behind smiles and several ‘I’m your hyung, don’t worry about me’.

Now they paid the price: An exhausted, sick and anxious captain hurt beyond his limit for the day.

Slowly, so slowly, Hongjoong’s breathing turned even and then it became congested snores. Wooyoung just continued running his fingers through the bleached hair and pressed a kiss against Hongjoong’s barely exposed temple. Then he pulled out his phone.

Wooyoung (23:34): Hongjoong-hyung is sick and exhausted.  Can you tell the manager he needs at least a few days off?

Hwa-Hyung (23:35): What’s wrong? Do you need me to come over? I’ll let the manager know…

Wooyoung (23:36): He’s running a decent fever.

Wooyoung thought for a moment if he should tell Seonghwa more or not but decided that Hongjoong would need all the help and support from the group in the future. 

Hwa-Hyung (23:36): How high? What else?

Hwa-Hyung (23:37): How high?

Hwa-Hyung (23:37): Yah! Wooyoung, I can see you are reading the messages.

Hwa-Hyung (23:38): Nevermind - I’m treating this as an emergency. I’m coming over.

Wooyoung (23:38): Yeah, that might be best…

Wooyoung was left with an unopened message but less than five minutes later Seonghwa had let himself into the apartment, rushing over to the sofa the moment he spotted them. He was wearing a two-piece Star Wars pajama set which looked ridiculous and cute at the same time. Before he could say anything, Wooyoung lifted his fingers to his lips, signaling for quiet.

Seonghwa nodded and came to kneel beside the couch, hands coming up automatically to run gentle circles on Hongjoong’s back. The captain didn’t even stir, too sick to be roused by such an act. “What happened? Did the filming go badly?”, the eldest whispered.

“I found him crying in his room. I think today was just too much - it triggered all his fears and insecurities. He was left in that room for six hours on his own, anybody would have been on edge after that, especially when confronted with your own trauma. And, as I said, he’s running a fever. No wonder he is emotional. Though I suspect it may have been caused by the stress as well”, Wooyoung explained, equally quiet, “he needs us so much, hyung. He’s so scared of letting us down.”

“We’ll take care of him, Wooyoung-ah, don’t worry”, Seonghwa replied, “let’s get him to bed so he can sleep comfortably, okay?” Without further ado he lifted Hongjoong into his arms bridal style, letting Wooyoung adjust the captain against his shoulder. 

Wooyoung ran ahead, opening doors and pulling the covers of the freshly-made bed back so Seonghwa could set Hongjoong down without any issues. With a smile Seonghwa beckoned Wooyoung to climb into bed with the captain and he readily complied. Gently he pulled Hongjoong close, hugging him from behind as the big spoon, while Seonghwa adjusted the blankets over them. 

Throughout all the administrations Hongjoong hadn’t woken up at all, just cuddled a bit close to the warmth of Wooyoung’s body. But when Seonghwa kissed both their foreheads he sleepily opened his eyes, barely even there. Wooyoung doubted he would even remember in the morning.

“I love you”, Hongjoong whispered, earning grins and kisses from the other two.

“We all love you, hyung”, Wooyoung whispered back and squeezed Hongjoong a bit tighter.

“Sleep well, you two”, Seonghwa mumbled, “I’ll be in your room, Wooyoung-ah, if you need me. Love you too.”

Seonghwa switched off the light and the room was bathed in darkness. Wooyoung was sure his arm would fall asleep during the night and Hongjoong was uncomfortably warm against him but for now it was enough.

⌛

Hongjoong wasn’t okay.

But he would be with their help.

Masterlist links: Fairy's Full Masterlist Fairy's Masterlist - ATEEZ

[sasukimimochi]

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 (you are here) Part 5 ...

Overall Warnings: grotesque written imagery, body horror, blood, possession(?) sort of (more like integrating), voices, loss of self (since this isn't really MCD), darker WWX (he's not classic wwx), violence.

No warnings for this part ❤

-

Part 4

· ✦ Do You Understand? ✦ ·

“Wei Ying.”

Wei Wuxian blinked and turned his head away from Biling Lake, tilting his head slightly as the white-clad cultivator approached. “Lan Zhan.” He smiled, turning his shoulder slightly as if showing off the stained robe on his shoulders. It was the one Lan Wangji had given him during the war.

“What are you doing here?” Lan Wangji folded his arms behind his back, watching the other kick his legs off of the wall of the waterway. He felt a light ache not seeing the smile he loved still, even now that the war had been over for some time.

“Just because. Jiang Cheng told me to get lost for a while~” Wei Wuxian hopped up, joining the other at his side. “He didn’t say how far or how long.”

“But the hunt is soon.”

“Oh that.” Wei Wuxian sighed and lifted his arms above his head, stretching out his arms. “I’ve been told it’s best for me not to go.” His shoulders popped from the stretching, but Lan Wangji didn’t have time to mention that he should be working his body more, instead he paused in his step, looking a bit lost for a second before correcting his expression.

“Why?”

“I’m too scary or something.” Wei Wuxian grinned, “I think you know the full reason though, right Lan Zhan?”

“Wei Ying…” Lan Wangji moved around to stand in front of him, conflict in his expression. “Will you tell me what’s happened now?”

Wei Wuxian’s face darkened briefly, face calculating for a moment but eventually took a deep breath and smiled again. “Lan Zhan, there is only one reason why I wouldn't be able to wield a sword, right?” He holds out his hand. “I have no qualms about you knowing.”

As Lan Wangji moved to take the hand and check his meridian however, an instinctual jerk of Wei Wuxian’s arm surprised the both of them. “Ah…sorry about that.”

Lan Wangji just seemed confused. “You offered your hand to me…are you alright?”

“Mm yes, I’m just a little bit…” He wiggled his fingers next to his head, smiling in that usual eerie way he’d picked up as he wasn’t sure how to explain himself. “Let’s try that again.”

This time he kept his hand held out, but it did start shaking as Lan Wangji took hold of his arm this time. Only when Lan Wangji finally pressed his fingers into the meridian did the shaking stop. Wei Wuxian’s face was dark once more, but for a reason he said nothing of, until Lan Wangji lifted his head. Then he smiled again, despite the heartbreaking expression on his old friend’s face. “Do you understand?”

Lan Wangji dragged Wei Wuxian away from the public eye as quickly as he could manage without it looking suspicious. “Wei Ying…” He took the other’s shoulders as soon as they were out of sight, frown deeply set into his brow. “So this…this is why you haven’t qi deviated. There’s nothing to deviate anymore.”

Wei Wuxian hummed and waved a hand dismissively. “I’d like to think there’s multiple reasons, but that would be one of them.” He froze up however when the man suddenly had him wrapped up in those white robes of his.

Lan Wangji had pulled away from the hug before Wei Wuxian even realized what happened, pupils blown and eyes wide. “L…Lan Zhan?” The man held his face and he stared back, wildly curious but shocked at the same time. This did not equate to what he knew of the other.

“Wei Ying…Come to Gusu with me.” Then Wei Wuxian’s expression returned to that ever eerie look once more, and Lan Wangji regretted it.

“You still want me to go to Gusu?”

Lan Wangji’s eyes flitted over the other’s face and he slowly withdrew his hands.

“Why?” Wei Wuxian asked once more, as usual. “You can’t expect me to do something like abandon my shixiong without an explanation.”

Lan Wangji was quiet for a long time, and so Wei Wuxian sighed, “You have to tell me why. If it’s not to bring me to healers or make me mend my ways, Protect me where I don't need it or whatever else, I need to know the reason. Not that I think it's entirely possible.”

“I just…”

“What?”

“I want to be by your side…” His voice came out meeker than usual, unsure of himself. “My reason is you.”

Wei Wuxian tilted his head slightly, eyes widening a fraction again. “Me?” Something stirred in him, seeing Lan Wangji’s expression shift into something like a frightened bunny. “Hey, don’t run away.” He held onto the other’s sleeve tightly when the other attempted to turn away, unwilling to let him back out now. “Start talking, bunny.”

The tips of Lan Wangji’s ears turned a dark pink. “Bunny?” He frowned slightly, avoiding the question and the other’s eyes despite not moving past the other’s grip.

“You look like a frightened bunny. So I'm calling you bunny.” He grinned, a hint of the sun within that Lan Wangji once loved to bask in silently hidden amongst the night. “If my handsome Lan er-gege doesn’t start talking, i’ll sta-”

Lan Wangji claps his hand over the other’s mouth, the demonic cultivator’s eyes lifting with mirth at the prize he’d won seeing the crown of the other’s cheeks also dust in rosy hues. “Wei Ying!”

Despite his body’s immediate urge to quell his next move, his bright red tongue darting out to wet the other’s palm in retaliation. Lan Wangji suddenly retracted his hand, cradling it to his chest like it’d been burned and stared at the other with somewhat wide eyes.

“Lan Zhan, er-gege, my little bunny,” Wei Wuxian leaned forward, smiling in too knowing of a way to allow for comfort. “It seems we have much to talk about.”

[lunarriviera]

🌻

okay this is weird but here goes: from "book-eating pond":

•

The annual department party is, as predicted, painful. Lan Zhan hovers in one corner and tries not to make eye contact with any of the faculty, while Wei Ying clearly has a blast and seems to talk to every single person there, promptly getting into an energetic debate with Rachael about post-Marxism; Lan Zhan only overhears the phrase “be on the right side of the class war” which doesn’t completely make sense to him, since they’re talking about undergraduate textbooks.

Fortunately there are no white-gloved waiters (the department seems to have learned its lesson from last year) and, even more fortunately, this year, for some reason, there is wine. Just generic, unclassifiable boxes of pinot grigio and Syrah; but at least it’s neither white Zinfandel nor Merlot, so Lan Zhan helps himself liberally to the Syrah. He’s stealthy about it, manages to balance out his plastic glassfuls with just enough canapés to keep from getting completely shit-faced, just a little bit pleasantly numb. He’s always been a cheap drunk but a smart one, so after Walter has made his usual one-note speech about the successes of the department (which largely seem to be about having taken on even more undergraduate students without increasing the number of tenure lines; the adjunct pool is never mentioned) he hugs Rae goodbye and slips out, making his way across campus in the slanting light of dusk to the library, only a little unsteady on his feet.

Once inside his carrel, he opens the copy of the lit mag that Wei Ying gave him, and puts on the kettle. Wei Ying’s story is called “Coffin Town,” and it’s stark and bleak, a strange little Western set in a post-apocalyptic future, or the distant past maybe, somewhere in rural China. There are three swordsmen, who are clearly in love in some complicated configuration, though it’s never made explicit, and by the end of the story, everyone is dead except one of the men, who leaves to wander the earth alone, righting wrongs, carrying the ashes of his beloved soulmate with him.

The sentencing and diction are very plain, but the concept isn’t, Lan Zhan thinks, as he closes the issue without reading anything else in it. The work doesn’t remind him of McCarthy, which you’d expect; it’s not that ornate or mannered. Maybe Breece D’J Pancake or O’Connor, but without the brutal humor; maybe more Mavis Gallant, or even Alice Munro. It’s dark, but not self-consciously so. There’s an intelligence glimmering in it that Lan Zhan doesn’t often see in American literary short stories, which are usually just inordinately pleased with themselves for existing in the first place. The story is actually moving, he realizes: filled with heart in a way that’s dangerous, that gets called sentimental and amateurish in workshop. But there’s nothing mawkish or saccharine about the prose; it’s lean and tense and stripped-down, and the characters are alive, and the pacing is flawless, and it occurs to Lan Zhan that this would all be much easier if Wei Ying were a bad writer.

Because it’s too late. He already likes him. He likes him, in fact, a lot. He puts his face in his hands. This is an unexpected development, and an entirely unwelcome one. Lan Zhan still isn’t even sure if Wei Ying is straight, but the odds are that he must be. He’s extroverted and funny, and warm, and very, very smart, and now Lan Zhan knows he’s also a good writer; even though he didn’t mention anyone, wasn’t wearing a ring and never once said we, he’s surely already got a partner, since almost everyone does by the time they arrive at a PhD program. Everyone but Lan Zhan, who is quiet and strange and stays in his carrel all night and never finishes writing his dissertation. Who honestly hasn’t even opened the Google document since maybe April.

send me 🌹 and i’ll give you a sentence from one of my wips ♥

[sidesteppostinghours]

WIP its-not-Wednesday-but-close-enough

tagged by @autistic-sidestep! thank you for the tag :D i have,,, so many wips rn. pulp stop starting a million projects challenge. all of these are very rough, and a lot of them feature other steps, but i wanted to share a few :]

for writing, ive got these:

“What the hell, man!” Mitchel hisses. He’s let go, but he hasn’t bothered lowering his voice. Too loud, but real. Caine groans, pulling themselves up from the mattress. At least it wasn’t the floor– this could’ve hurt a lot worse. They wince at the throb in their shoulder as they reach for the wall, probing for a light switch. When he flicks it on reality re-establishes itself once more.  It’s Caine’s room, familiarly bare-bones. There’s only a singular twin sized bed in one corner of the room and a desk just across, with a heap of laundry they haven’t bothered to do taking up the chair. Mitchel stands on the mattress in the middle, both parts pissed and bleary eyed. His cheek is a lightish colour that’s a telltale sign it’s going to bruise, and a portion of his blanket stubbornly clings onto his shoulder. There’s no threat in here, or at least nothing more threatening than Mitchel annoyed. The knowledge doesn’t stop the blood pounding in their ears.

-caine wakes up and gets jumpscared by @hyper-pixels mitchel. they react to this calmly.

Marshal Steel has hair stuck in his finger joints. That's the first thing Daniel noticed when he came in to work this morning. Steel has his civilian hands on, which is normal when he has admin work. Those civilian hands will usually have hair in it too, mostly from Spoon. That's also normal. What's not normal is the colour; because instead of the odd tufts of grey fur Daniel's used to seeing scattering Steel's joints, this is a single, longer strand that he's sure wasn't left on purpose. Because the hair strand is brown. Suspiciously similar to Ortega's own brown hair.

-herald is suspicious that his boss is having another secret relationship with a pretty old man, but its none of his business! not at all. thats why hes eavesdropping on them from the breakroom pantry.

“What are you two talking about?” Ortega jerks, nearly spilling coffee all over Wei, tearing a curse out of him as he yanks his head to the direction of the voice.  Speak of the devil. Caine glances between the two, head cocked. When did he get here? Ortega doesn't remember inviting him, and nobody told him he was coming either. Not that Ortega isn't happy to see him, but the timing… “Dios mio, Spot, how long have you been standing there?” he mutters. He gives his coffee a once over, but nothing's spilled.  He turns back to Caine and double takes. The poor guy looks like he's just run a marathon– he's drenched in his own sweat. He's not wearing his raggedy sweater, for once. Instead, he's got a skintight suit with a simple white tee over it.

-a multi-pov fic featuring the same conversation, but told from the perspective of ortega, chen, and caine. trying to practice voices with it, and so far its been fun digging into each of them!

as for art wips:

-arde and vera based on the song "the villain i appear to be"! i actually made this today after playing the new revelations demo lmfao. i do not remember what arde looks like 😔 im so sorry ive done you a disservice

the next two have blood+mild gore in them, so im throwing them under the cut!

-cyrus gets Fucked Up by a dream version of fawn from @villainsidestep, based on this absolutely vile(/pos) soul read of him:

because why not fuck him up even more??

-mitchel painting i have yet to put down colours for that i am lovingly dubbing "cannibalism (NOT ROMANTIC)". chew it out with your teeth mitchel!!!!

ill be tagging everybody mentioned in the post, plus @idlenight, @disastersteps, and maybe @euelios if you all wanna give this a shot?

[robininthelabyrinth]

We’ve heard Jiang Fengmian as WWX’s bio father, now it’s time for Lan Qiren as secretly his father. (Please no Wangxian for this one!)

ao3

“You want me to what,” Lan Qiren said.

“Be the father of my child,” Cangse Sanren said. Simply and straightforwardly, as if that were just a thing people said.

Casually.

To their friends.

To their – as far as he knew – platonic friends!

“You’re married,” he stressed.

“Yes, Qiren-xiong, I’m aware,” Cangse Sanren said, her eyes bright with mirth. “I was even there through some of the festivities. Though not all, of course, since the bride gets sent away far too early at these things, and of course then there was all the liquor –”

“Cangse Sanren,” Lan Qiren said through gritted teeth, wishing not for the first time that his friend had an actual name rather than merely a title – something he could use or not use to emphasize his feelings on the subject.

She laughed at him, because of course she did.

“Let me explain,” she said, probably because she sensed that he was considering stabbing her if she didn't. “Lao Wei and I –”

“Aren’t you older than he is?” Lan Qiren asked, dubious. “Possibly by several centuries?”

“Humans call their husbands that,” Cangse Sanren said, waving her hands at him. “Don’t bother me with details.”

“…you’re human, right?”

“Of course! This is the fourth time you’ve asked, and the answer hasn’t changed. Why would you ever think otherwise?”

“The way that you continuously refer to – no, I’m not letting you distract me this time. Explain yourself!”

Cangse Sanren giggled into her sleeve. “We want children,” she said. “But he can’t, you see. Wrong parts. So we need someone else to be the sire, and I want it to be you.”

“Why?”

More giggling. “Because I like you. And why not?”

“And Wei Changze agreed to this?” Lan Qiren asked, slightly appalled. He knew Cangse Sanren well enough to assume that the answer had to be yes, and yet still...

“Yes, he did, but you’re welcome to talk with him directly. In fact, I encourage it.”

“Perhaps I will,” Lan Qiren said.

Wei Changze was a pleasant person, even if he and Lan Qiren weren’t direct friends – Lan Qiren was a bit too inflexible and serious, Wei Changze a little too free-spirited and light-hearted, so they’d never entirely bonded, but they were both very fond of Cangse Sanren in all her strangeness, each in their own way, and that was enough of a basis for a decent relationship.

“I’d be honored if you would agree,” Wei Changze said when Lan Qiren asked. “You’re my wife’s favorite person besides me – why not you?”

Lan Qiren could think of many, many reasons why not.

“I don’t want to impact your relationship with her,” he said cautiously, and Wei Changze blinked at him as if to say how would it do that? “If jealousy were to arise…”

“I don’t think that will be a problem,” Wei Changze said.

“…you understand that if I agree to your proposal, I would be sleeping with your wife.”

“Oh yes,” Wei Changze said. “Several times, I hope. We've got to make sure it takes, after all. On that note, can I watch?”

Lan Qiren was a man aware of his dignity. It was beneath his dignity to flail around like a teenager.

He flailed regardless.

“You don’t have to let me if you don’t want to,” Wei Changze said, but he was pouting. “I guess. I just think it’d be hot, that’s all.”

Lan Qiren put his head in his hands.

“You’re bright red,” Wei Changze observed. “Does that mean you’ll do it?”

“I don’t even like Cangse Sanren that way,” Lan Qiren said, voice muffled by his palms. “I mean, I like her, but I don’t – like her. Romantically. At all.”

“And I’m very happy about that,” Wei Changze said soothingly. “As is she, being as she married me and not you. You don’t need to have romantic or even sexual feelings about her, you just need to platonically bang her a few times.”

“…I will do it provided you never refer to it that way ever again.”

“Deal,” Wei Changze said, and grinned, waving his wife in through the door; she bounded in like a lion on the hunt, smelling blood.

“Additionally, we should be clear about what we expect regarding the child,” Lan Qiren said, even though he was already being carted along to the bed by Cangse Sanren’s excessive momentum and Wei Changze’s entirely unnecessary assistance in removing his clothing. “Obviously any child will be yours in every respect, legally and emotionally and otherwise, both of you, but if possible I would still like to see him –”

“Of course,” Cangse Sanren said agreeably, removing his pants. “Whenever you like.”

-

“Something is wrong,” Lan Qiren said firmly.

Yu Ziyuan scowled at him, even as her husband frowned thoughtfully. “Cangse Sanren is a rogue cultivator,” she said acidly. “It is not unusual for rogue cultivators to go a few months without contacting their friends in the cultivation world.”

“We have an agreement that she would come by once every season or else send word. She has not missed a single instance, and yet now she does.”

“Why would she agree to meet so regularly with you? We barely see her once a year, if that,” Yu Ziyuan asked, and Lan Qiren knew her issues with Cangse Sanren were actually issues with Jiang Fengmian, but it still irritated him to be used as a pawn in their troubled marriage.

“If you do not intend to help me search, then just say so,” he said heavily. “I fear that something has happened to her, and I intend to find her; I would like your help, but will proceed without it if need be. If all is well and she just decided not to come, and also not to send word or any other sign, then I will apologize for the inconvenience and repay you any monies expended. But if not…”

“I will help,” Jiang Fengmian said, and Yu Ziyuan looked on the verge of exploding.

“I’ll leave you to sort that out,” Lan Qiren said, shaking out his sleeves and leaving at once. As per their agreement, Cangse Sanren brought Wei Ying to the Cloud Recesses once every season or else sent word explaining her absence – the lack of any word this time was deeply troubling. After all, in the end, despite Cangse Sanren’s relatively humble goals and low-key life, there was always that doom said to be associated with those who left the immortal mountain…

He worried.

He’d planned to tell Cangse Sanren about He Kexin’s death during her present visit, had hoped that Wei Ying’s presence might help lift Lan Zhan’s mood after the loss of his mother and give him some comfort – Wei Ying was Lan Zhan’s favorite person in all the world, bar none, and he had waited so anxiously, if wordlessly, for him to arrive during the month that they expected Cangse Sanren and her family to come. And yet the days ticked by and he didn’t arrive at all…

Lan Qiren worried.

Still, with Jiang Fengmian’s help, and of course the Nie sect’s – Lao Nie hadn’t hesitated to agree, even though unlike Jiang Fengmian he did not have a personal connection to either Cangse Sanren or Wei Changze and was acting wholly on account of his friendship with Lan Qiren – they would be able to cover a great deal of the cultivation world, especially given that Cangse Sanren disliked both Lanling Jin and Qishan Wen and was unlikely to venture into either of their territories.

They would find her.

He hoped that they would find her.

-

“Well, that was a meeting full of revelations,” Lao Nie said, eyes curved into crescents of mirth. “The only thing that would have made it better is if you’d ended your sentence with ‘so fuck off’. You know, so that it would’ve been ‘Because he’s my biological son, so fuck off’.”

“It isn’t anyone else’s business,” Lan Qiren said querulously. “I don’t consider him my son – he’s Wei Changze’s son! His surname is Wei for a reason! The exact mechanics of his conception are private-”

“Are they? Too bad, I’d have liked to hear about it.”

“Lao Nie!”

“What? It’d be hot.”

“Wei Changze said the same thing,” Lan Qiren grumbled. “What is wrong with all you people? Anyway, that was not my point; we can discuss your sexual titillation later. My point is that Wei Ying should not have a shadow cast over his parentage – I should not have had to reveal that fact at any point.”

“You had no choice,” Lao Nie said, not without sympathy. “Given that Wei Changze was a former disciple of the Lotus Pier, Jiang Fengmian had the better claim to custody absent that fact. Never mind that you were Cangse Sanren’s close friend, or that they came to visit you more often; never mind that Yu Ziyuan is to this day only barely able to restrain her jealousy and hatred of the pair of them and would be made miserable by the boy’s presence on the Lotus Pier, and possibly make his life miserable in return; never mind that Jiang Fengmian already grossly favors the boy over his own children, a surefire recipe for disaster…you had to say what you said, Qiren. Wei Ying will be better off at the Cloud Recesses.”

“He’ll be a disaster at the Cloud Recesses,” Lan Qiren said, rubbing his temples. “He’s as free-spirited as his parents were. That’s the only hesitation I have…if it weren’t for all the other things you mentioned, Yu Ziyuan’s jealousy and the favoritism and all that, I would think he’d be better off among the Jiang.”

“He will make a very unique Lan,” Lao Nie acknowledged. “But he’ll be an adopted cousin to your nephews, and they’ll grow up as brothers. A-Zhan will be delighted.”

“Yes,” Lan Qiren said, acknowledging the point. At least there was that. “Yes, he will.”

“Maybe I’ll have a talk with Jiang Fengmian,” Lao Nie said, more to himself than Lan Qiren. “That poor Jiang boy, no one deserves to grow up with a real-life person being ‘another person’s child’. Perhaps I’ll see about inviting the boy over to the Unclean Realm more often. A-Sang could use a playmate…”

-

“You’re weird for a Lan,” Jiang Cheng said.

“That’s because I’m not a Lan,” Wei Wuxian laughed. “I’m a Wei! Lan Zhan’s a Lan, Xichen-da-ge is a Lan, but I’m not. Don’t let the white robes mislead you.”

Jiang Cheng coughed. “That’s not – what I meant.”

Wei Wuxian blinked at him.

“Well,” Jiang Cheng said, abruptly looking extremely awkward. “Your father’s a Lan, isn’t he? Teacher Lan.”

“Oh, that! No, he’s not. Easy mistake to make,” Wei Wuxian assured him. “Lots of people think that, what with me knowing the Lan sect rules backwards and forwards and upside down – mostly so that I can haggle my punishments down when I break them, that's how I learn them best – but actually I’m Wei Changze’s son.”

Jiang Cheng’s face was red. “But…my dad said…”

“He helped,” Wei Wuxian conceded, tapping his nose meaningfully. “That’s why I’m so pretty! But Wei Changze was the one that wanted me, Wei Changze’s the one who gave me his surname; it’s his grave I sweep during Qingming. If you like, you can think of me as having been adopted into the Wei family; that’s common enough, isn’t it?”

“I guess so,” Jiang Cheng said, blinking. And then he said, sounding doubtful, “Do you really know all those rules?”

“All of them! You have no idea how much trouble you can make with a good set of rules.” Wei Wuxian grinned. “Want to see?”

“I – can we?”

“No,” Nie Mingjue said, stepping into the room. He looked tired, as always, but Wei Wuxian thought that there was never a time when he didn’t, certainly ever since he became sect leader too early. Lan Xichen was always worrying about him, and Lan Qiren, too, and since they were worried, Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji had figured they might as well get in on the action. “Not in the Unclean Realm you can’t. Save it for the Lotus Pier, since the Cloud Recesses are too wise to you now.”

“No one is truly wise to my wicked ways,” Wei Wuxian boasted, and Nie Huaisang poked his head out from behind Nie Mingjue’s back and waved – he’d been dragged away to saber training, leaving Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng to try to make friends without him. Without Lan Wangji, too, which was even more unfair; how was Wei Wuxian supposed to represent the gentle snow and wild wind without his other half?

Stupid seclusion. Wei Wuxian was with his uncle in disliking it even when it was necessary.

Though Jiang Cheng was kind of cool…

-

“This is,” Lan Qiren informed Cangse Sanren’s memorial tablet, “entirely your fault.”

Despite her son’s newfound demonic cultivation skills – or his taste for revenge: he had taken the burning of the Cloud Recesses very personally, and the attack on the Lotus Pier, and so on his best friend Jiang Cheng, very nearly as badly, and that, somehow, had inspired him in new and even more uncontrolled ways – there was no response from the grave.

And yet, somehow, Lan Qiren suspected that he could hear her laughing at him.

[dangermousie]

Mousie’s absolutely subjective, very biased Top 10 web novels list

Please note that this is hardly aiming to be objective, if one can even be properly objective about a work of fiction. It is 110% based on my preferences, which means this list is heavy on the angst and has nothing set in the modern day. It is also heavily danmei-centric, even though I read way more het romance than danmei, because for whatever reason, most of the danmei I’ve read has been insanely good.

10. Return of the Swallow - one of the two non-danmeis on this list. Smart and nuanced and with a large cast of characters. Our heroine is a long-lost daughter of the family that is brought back in and has to cope with familial struggles, crazy royals, court intrigue, invasion et al. It’s SO GOOD! There is romance with the sexy smart enemy general but honestly, it’s the heroine that is the main selling point for me.

9. Transmigrator Meets Reincarnator - the only other non-danmei novel on this list, this was my very first web novel and what drew me into this insanity. This is just a ton of fun, probably the lightest novel on this list, not an ounce of angst to be found. But it’s hilarious and features competent heroine and tsundere hero and I will always love it for opening a new world to me. Anyway, our heroine transmigrates into the novel as the female lead. Unlike the original lead though she doesn’t want to seek adventures and angst - she just wants to comfortably live with the wealthy, nice husband heroine has. Alas, said husband is no longer nice since he has previously lived this story where he was betrayed by FL and then transmigrated/reincarnated into the past. Oh well, the heroine opens up businesses and makes friends. And eventually, her husband realizes his wife is way different this time around. This actually doesn’t have much romance, not until close to the end, but this is so fun I don’t care.

8. Lord Seventh - I am only partway through this so far, but it’s already on the list because it’s smart and somehow intense AND laid-back (not sure how this works, but it does) and is honestly just a really really solid and smart period novel, with the OTP a cherry on top of a narrative sundae. Plus, I love the concept of MC deciding he is not going for his supposedly fated love - he’s tried for six lifetimes, always with disaster, and he’s just plain done and tired. When he opens his life in his seventh reincarnation and sees the person he would have given up the world for, he genuinely feels nothing at all. (Spoiler - his OTP is actually a barbarian shaman this time around, thank you Lord!)

7. Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation (MDZS) - oh come on, how are you even on this tumblr if you don’t know MDZS/The Untamed? This was my very first danmei and it’s so much fun! I love everything about it - the unreliable narrator, the looping structure, the main OTP, Wei Wuxian’s laidback, traumatized insouciance, everything. Anyway, the plot in the event you somehow transported here from 2005 is that the Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation, Wei Wuxian, was defeated by the righteous sects over a decade ago and fell of a cliff to his death. Only now that same Wei Wuxian opens his eyes in another body and everything that was supposed to stay in the past starts again.

6. Heaven Official’s Blessing (TGCF) - people either love its meandering narrative, picaresque structure and cast of thousands, or find it a detriment compared to much more compact MDZS. I love it even more than MDZS for those very qualities. It does have a rock-solid, darling OTP, but what really elevates it to me are the MXTX trademark combo of snarky/light tone hiding a ton of trauma underneath, the insanely intricate world-building, and what it has to say about the nature of grace and goodness. Xie Lian is one of my top 5 web novel characters and probably in top 10 from anywhere. Oh, and while MXTX’s stuff is not as angsty for me as Meatbun’s or even Priest’s, there are always exceptions, and there is one chapter in this novel that pretty much broke me and sometimes I still flashback to it and feel unwell.

Anyway, what is it about? There is a commotion in the heavenly realm - Xie Lian, the Crown Prince of a long-destroyed kingdom, has ascended to Godhood. That in itself is not so exciting. However for Xie Lian this is the third time (!!!!) as he’s ascended and lost his godhood twice prior. And now, the biggest joke of the divine realm is back, throwing the heavenly realm into chaos. And elsewhere, Hua Cheng, one of the four most powerful demons of that Universe, sits up and takes notice.

5. Golden Stage - my perfect comfort novel. Probably the least angsty of any danmei novel on this list (which still means plenty angsty :P) It also has a dedicated, smart OTP that is an OTP for the bulk of the book - I think you will notice that in most of the novels in this list, I go for “OTP against the world” trope - I can’t stand love triangles and the same. Anyway, Fu Shen, is a famous general whose fame is making the emperor antsy. When he gets injured and can’t walk any more, the emperor gladly recalls him and marries him off to his most faithful court lackey, the head of sort of secret police, Yan Xiaohan. The emperor intends it both as a check on the general and a general spite move since the two men always clash in court whenever they meet. But not all is at is seems. They used to be friends a long time ago, had a falling out, and one of the loveliest parts of the novel is them finding their way to each other, but there is also finding the middle path between their two very different philosophies and ways of being, not to mention solving a conspiracy or dozen, and putting a new dynasty on the throne, among other things. It always makes me think, a little, of “if Mei Changsu x Jingyan were canon.”

4. Sha Po Lang - if you like a lot of fantasy politics and world-building and steampunk with your novels, this one is for you. This one is VERY plot-heavy with smart, dedicated characters and a deconstruction of many traditional virtues - our protagonist Chang Geng, a long-lost son of the Emperor, is someone who wants to modernize the country but also take down the current emperor his brother for progress’ sake and the person he’s in love with is the general who saved him when he was a kid who is nominally his foster father. Anyway, the romance is mainly a garnish in this one, not even a big side dish, but the relationship between two smart, dedicated, deadly individuals with very different concepts of duty is fascinating long before it turns romantic. And if you like angst, while overall it’s not as angsty as e.g., Meatbun stuff, Chang Geng’s childhood is the stuff of nightmares and probably freaks me out more than anything else in any novel on this list, 2ha included.

3. To Rule In a Turbulent World (LSWW) - gay Minglan. No seriously. This is how I think of it. it’s a slice of life period novel with fascinating characters and setting that happens to have a gay OTP, not a romance in a period setting per se and I always prefer stories where the romance is not the only thing that is going on. It’s meticulously written and smart and deals with character development and somehow makes daily minutia fascinating. Our protagonist, You Miao, is the son of a fabulously wealthy merchant, sent to the capital to make connections and study. As the story starts, he sees his friend’s servants beating someone to death, feels bad, and buys him because, as we discover gradually and organically, You Miao may be wealthy and occasionally immature but he is a genuinely good person. The person he buys is a barbarian from beyond the wall, named Li Zhifeng. It’s touch and go if the man will survive but eventually he does and You Miao, who by then has to return home, gives him his papers and lets him go. However, LZF decides to stick with You Miao instead, both out of sense of debt for YM saving his life and because he genuinely likes him (and yet, there is no instalove on either of their parts, their bodies have fun a lot quicker than their souls.) Anyway, the two take up farming, get involved in the imperial exams and it’s the life of prosperity and peace, until an invasion happens and things go rapidly to hell. This is so nuanced, so smart (smart people in this actually ARE!) and has secondary characters who are just as complex as the mains (for example, I ended up adoring YM’s friend, the one who starts the plot by almost beating LZF to death for no reason) because the novel never forgets that few people are all villain. There is a lovely character arc or two - watching YM grow up and LZF thaw - there is the fact that You Miao is a unicorn in web novels being laid back and calm. This whole thing is a masterpiece.

2. Stains of Filth (Yuwu) - want the emotional hit of 2ha but want to read something half its length? Well, the author of 2ha is here to eviscerate you in a shorter amount of time. This has the beautiful world-building, plot twists that all make sense and, at the center of it all, an intense and all-consuming and gloriously painful relationship between two generals - one aristocratic loner Mo Xi, and the other gregarious former slave general Gu Mang. Once they were best friends and lovers, but when the novel starts, Gu Mang has long turned traitor and went to serve the enemy kingdom and has now been returned and Mo Xi, who now commands the remnants of his slave army, has to cope with the fact that he has never been able to get over the man who stabbed him through the heart. Literally. This novel has a gorgeously looping structure, with flashbacks interwoven into present storyline. There is so much love and longing and sacrifice in this that I am tearing up a bit just thinking of it. If you don’t love Mo Xi and Gu Mang, separately and together, by the end of it, you have no soul.

1. The Dumb Husky and His White Cat Shizun (2ha/erha) - if you’ve been following my tumblr for more than a hot second, you know my obsession with this novel. Honestly, even if I were to make a list of my top 10 novels of any kind, not just webnovels, this would be on the list. It has everything I want - a complicated, intricate plot with an insane amount of plot twists, all of which are both unexpected and make total sense, a rich and large cast of characters, a truly epic OTP that makes me bawl, emotional intensity that sometimes maxes even me out and so much character nuance and growth. Also, Moran is my favorite web novel character ever, hands down.

Anyway, the plot (or at least the way it first appears) is that the evil emperor of the cultivation world, Taxian Jun, kills himself at 32 and wakes up in the body of his 16 year old self, birth name Moran. Excited to get a redo, Moran wants to save his supposed true love Shimei, whose death the last go-around pushed him towards evil. He also wants to avoid entanglement with Chu Wanning, his shizun and sworn enemy in past life. And that’s all you are best off knowing, trust me. The only hint I am going to give is oooh boy the mother of all unreliable narrators has arrived!

The novel starts light and funny on boil the frog principle - if someone told me I would be full bawling multiple times with this novel, I’d have thought they were insane, but i swear my eyes hurt by the end of it. I started out being amused and/or disliking the mains and by the end I would die for either of them.

[plan-d-to-i]

Hi, I was just thinking abt Lan Wangji in the Burial mounds arc. He and JC were the only people who actually saw the wens and their condition. But he... still did'nt do anything to help.

It just makes me wonder if wwx and the wens really were in such poverty bcz wwx did actually offer to treat lwj even tho he ended up paying( or was that just wwx being excited to see his crush) So i wonder was he financially stable then?? But it still doesn't make sense bcz logically wwx didn't go to lotus pier so he probably only had money he had on his person. I'm sure WQ had a qiankun pouch on her bcz its mentioned she had her sword with her. But then again, wwx is the sole breadwinner for 50 PEOPLE without any support system on a mountain of corpses. Their life really can't be easy.

Basically, I think my question revolves down to LWJ. Why do you think Lwj did'nt help wwx?( he did pay for a meal and bought A-yuan some toys but that's abt it) I understand that even if he said to Xichen that the wens were innocent, the cultivation world might not leave them free. But he could still provide material support right?? Like, idk I'll expect that kind of assholish behaviour from JC and JYL but LWJ?? I thought he was more honourable than that.

Ah I wouldn't get ahead of myself about WWX's finances anon... because he only offers to treat LWJ because he didn't spend his money on potatoes! Imagine! How much could potatoes cost?!

Lan WangJi was pushed onto the sitting mat. Glancing at the menu, he replied, “You can order.”

Wei WuXian, “I’m treating you, so of course you’re the one ordering. Order whatever you like. Don’t be so polite.” Good thing he didn’t buy the poisonous sprouted potatoes so now he had the money to pay. Lan WangJi wasn’t someone who liked to decline things too many times, either. After some thought, he ordered.

(;´༎ຶٹ༎ຶ`). And even when he buys the jade pendant and tassel for Jin Ling's present, money is tight:

Wei WuXian tossed to him the delicate sandalwood box that he was holding. Wen Ning caught it and opened it to see a tassel pendant that hung a piece of white jade. The jade was translucent. In it, soft light flowed as though it was alive.

He beamed, “It’s so pretty!”

Wei WuXian, “The pretty little thing wasn’t cheap at all. Your sister’s money almost wasn’t enough for buying this after a new outfit. I don’t have a single coin left anyways. I’ll just wait for the scolding when we get back.”

Wen Ning hurried, “No, no. Young Master is buying a present for Maiden Jiang’s child. Sister won’t scold you.”

Wei WuXian, “Mark your words. When she scolds me, remember to help out a bit.”

It's good to remember that after his time in the streets as an orphan WWX used to carry a lot of money with him and was very generous, so it was quite a change in his circumstances:

Wei Wuxian bought a large assortment of knick knacks and other items in Caiyi Town, brought them back to the Cloud Recesses, and divided and handed them out to the other junior disciples. (chapter 18)

“If you ask someone a lot of questions, you have to give them a gift to thank them for their trouble. Originally, I was going to give them some silver, but they got scared and didn’t want to take it. I found that they liked the smell of the rouge. They didn’t seem as though they’ve used that type of thing before, so I gave it to them.”

After a pause, he continued, “Hanguang Jun, why are you looking at me like that? It’s not as though that box of rouge is especially high-quality. And I’m nothing like how I was before—I used to always carry a whole pile of jewelry and flowery things to give to the ladies. I didn’t have anything else to give them, and it’s better than nothing.” (Chapter 33)

Wei Wuxian wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry. Ah-qing was only a teenager, probably not even fifteen at the time, but she could curse at someone with remarkable fluidity. She could snatch their purses even more deftly. If you pickpocketed me, you definitely wouldn’t be cursing about me like this. Back in the day, I had a lot of money.

He was still in the middle of sighing in self-pity, wondering when he had become so broke, when Ah-qing found her next target. (chapter 37)

Wei WuXian told him multiple times not to move before finally walking away. He had often tucked spare money into corners of his clothes, and now it became of use—at least he had money to buy things. (Chapter 59)

Still WWX takes his new situation in stride. It's only around LWJ that he bemoans the absence of tea bc he wants the best for LWJ.

Wen Ning said as well, “Yeah, Young Master Lan, sit and have some tea…” As he spoke, he shifted the tray in his hands a bit nearer to Lan WangJi. Two teacups, washed extremely clean, sat on the tray.

Yet, Wei WuXian only glanced at them before complaining, “How dingy. Asking a guest to drink plain water—there aren’t even tea leaves in here!”

Wen Ning, “I asked and they said they didn’t have any. Uncle Four said that they didn’t store tea leaves…”

Wei WuXian took up one of the cups and had a gulp, “This really doesn’t seem right. Prepare some the next time a guest comes over.” He only felt how funny it was after he said it. How could there be a next time, and how could there be another guest?" (Chapter 75)

this sentiment is clarified later in the book :

Thinking even if he didn’t need to rest, Lan WangJi definitely needed to, Wei WuXian replied, “Okay. Then let’s find somewhere to rest first.”

Wei WuXian himself was able to live anywhere, an estate if he had money, and under a tree if he had none. But right now, Lan WangJi was with him. He definitely couldn’t imagine Lan WangJi lying on some tree roots, or cramped with him inside a small, dirty room. And so, after some time of walking, the two finally settled on a neat inn at the other side of Yunping City. (Chapter 91)

But now back to why LWJ didn't offer him money. One, probably because they didn't really have that sort of close relationship where he felt he could extend that kind of help. LWJ may be in love with WWX, but outwardly they're still just acquaintances. WWX doesn't mind letting LWJ buy toys for AYuan or pay for their meal because he knows LWJ is well off and it shouldn't be a strain on his finances but he doesn't even think they're friends </3

On his way back up the mountain, Wei WuXian finally realized that he was the one who promised to treat Lan WangJi to a meal, yet in the end, the two of them parted ways in an atmosphere less than relaxed. It went without saying that he forgot to pay for the meal as well.

Wei WuXian thought, Well, Lan Zhan is so rich anyways. It’s no big deal if he paid for me once more. Speaking of it, he still has money on him, doesn’t he? It couldn’t have been all used up after just buying a few children’s toys. If worst comes to worst, I’ll just treat him again next time… How could there be a next time?

Now that he thought about it, for reasons this or that, he and Lan WangJi would end up parting on bad terms every time they met each other. Maybe they really didn’t suit each other as friends.

But, it wasn’t like there’d be any more chances for them to try and be friends with each other in the future. (Chapter 75).

Also, I doubt also LWJ who is a model of proper behavior would go to someone's cave home/farming settlement and suggest their circumstances appear so pathetic they're in need of charity (probably if WWX/the Wens were actually starving he would have done it regardless but not as it were when they were managing). And after all WWX says :

Lan WangJi, “Do you intend on staying like this from now on?”

Wei WuXian, “What’s wrong with staying like this? My place not good enough for you? This mountain here is even bigger than the Cloud Recesses. Our food here is much better too.”

“Wei Ying,” Lan WangJi spoke, “You know what I mean.”

Aside from the sharp contrasts between LWJ and jc's behavior, in regards to AYuan and Wen Ning, the way they viewed the people there etc., the issue isn't that WWX is literally starving in the Burial Mounds and needs money but that the Jiang siblings who had grown up with him not only didn't want to be seen with him, or certainly wouldn't visit the BM, they don't even ask if he's fine... For YanLi it's soup as usual. LWJ asks WWX multiple times how he's managing even though it's a difficult conversation. This echoes WWX's meeting w LWJ in Yunmeng even before the defection:

When he ran into Lan WangJi in the streets, he recalled many things from when he was studying at the Cloud Recesses.

On a whim, he stopped Lan WangJi, wanting to direct their conversation toward those days as well. But, Lan WangJi reminded him that everything was different from how they were back then.

Yet, when he returned to Lotus Pier, to the Jiang siblings, he’d be under the illusion that nothing had changed at all. (Chapter 71)

It's uncomfortable but there's an honesty in it the other interaction lacks. The Jiangs’ visit is nice on the surface but ultimately rings hollow. Outwardly for WWX's benefit but actually for their own, or perhaps more likely for YanLi's own who is the one who probably pushed for it. Don't get me wrong, I think WWX appreciates it, and he's happy to have the chance to see YanLi in her wedding dress, however a big part of his second life is realizing that discomfort he felt when LWJ was prying into his business and questioning him was just someone really caring for him:

Wei WuXian called out, “… Lan Zhan.”

Lan WangJi’s breathing wasn’t as placid as usual, feeling somewhat rushed. It was probably from carrying Wei WuXian while fending off attacks and being on the run for too long.

The tone in which he replied, however, was still the single syllable, as steady as ever, “Mnn.”

After the “mnn”, he added, “I am here.”

Hearing the words, something that Wei WuXian had never felt before sprouted within his heart. It was like sorrow. His chest hurt a bit, but also felt a bit warm.

He could still remember how, back in Jiangling, Lan WangJi came all the way to assist him, yet he didn’t appreciate the kindness at all. With all kinds of disputes, the two of them often parted with disapproval.

But what he hadn’t expected was that when everyone feared him and flattered him, Lan WangJi scolded him right in his face; when everyone spurned him and loathed him, Lan WangJi stood by his side. (Chapter 51)

So since WWX doesn't need financial help, and has already stated his intention to continue cultivating w resentful energy, and things are peaceful for the moment w the other Clans leaving WWX alone, there's nothing else LWJ can do except respect his decision.

[vrishchikawrites]

Anon asks - There was another idea I had seen on @crossdressingdeath's tumblr where JC's reputation was ruined because of his behaviour and WWX's attempts to protect him from the consequences of his behaviour. The concept happens pre Qiongqi Path where JC attacks WWX to the point it injures and frightens him. A passerby sees WWX startled and asks him what's wrong but WWX dismisses it as nothing. Said bystander ends up thinking that JC had sexually assaulted him resulting in the cultivation world gossiping about JC being a rapist when really he isn't. Overall, the cultivation world gossips about the other shitty things JC had done and because he did alot of pretty bad things, he can't defend himself and resorts to victim blaming WWX. That however only has him dig a deeper hole for himself. WWX, on the other hand is left confused as to why everybody was pitying him all of a sudden when they used to hate and/or fear him. By the time the truth comes to light, the cultivation world thinks JC had deserved it anyway with it ending with JC hated just for him being himself and public opinion on WWX flipping. If you don't mind, can you make it light-hearted?

(Probably not as light-hearted as you would wish. It is a bit complicated. Be a little gentle because I wrote this twice and ended up fleshing it out much more. Is this a short prompt or a long one? who knows. writer is tired. she will sleep now.)

Everyone has personal boundaries, even people who are usually tactile and social. Boundaries exist even between family members who love and trust each other.

Wei Wuxian is a veteran fresh from war. He has survived bloody battlefields, spent days dealing with one hostile enemy after another. Even before that, he had spent his days constantly battling resentful ghosts and monsters in a place he can’t bear thinking of now. Before that, he had survived torture at the hands of the Wens. And before-

Better not to think about it.

So, when Jiang Cheng presses up against him threateningly, his face twisted and eyes furious, Wei Wuxian can’t help but flinch. He takes a step back and puts some distance between them quickly. Jiang Cheng has grown increasingly bitter and discontent in these past few months and Wei Wuxian is getting tired of dealing with it. He doesn’t want to be in such close proximity with a man seething with fury.

Unfortunately, that reaction proves to be a mistake because Jiang Cheng follows him, “What? Are you too big for us now? Turning away from me in disgust now that you’re a war hero and the best of us?” Jiang Cheng is so close, their noses almost touch and Wei Wuxian feels his hair stand on end in response.

“Jiang Cheng,” He says lowly, something unsettling stirring in his chest. He feels almost anxious. His heart is racing and the proximity makes him feel like he’s trapped, “Back away.”

“Back away?” Jiang Cheng snarls, “Who are you to command me, Wei Wuxian? Do you know what people are saying about YunmengJiang? Do you know who-”

“Back away,” Wei Wuxian says tightly, his skin crawling, “Now.” His hard-earned instincts are sounding alarms. He feels threatened and provoked. He feels the resentful energy in him respond to the danger.

“What are you going to do? Send a few ghosts at me?” He sneers, “Try it! We’ll see how brave you are under the wrath of my Zidian.”

No. Wei Wuxian isn’t going to just stand here and let Jiang Cheng pick up Yu-furen’s habits, He’s just about to react, to give Jiang Cheng the thrashing he clearly desires when he realizes they are outside. He glances beyond his Sect Leader’s shoulder and sees a small group of three clad in bright white looking at them with wide eyes.

He bites back his angry retort and masters himself. He’s not going to squabble with Jiang Cheng in front of Lan disciples. His relationship with Lan Zhan is strained as it is.

“We’re in public,” He says, hoping that concern for his Sect’s reputation would move Jiang Cheng if concern for Wei Wuxian doesn’t.

Jiang Cheng looks over his shoulder and sneers at the Lan disciples before rolling his head, “Lans, of course.” He snarls and pushes Wei Wuxian away roughly, “I’ll deal with you later.”

Wei Wuxian takes a deep breath and watches his brother leave.

The Lan disciples are still looking at him with heartwarming concern. He waves at them with a smile and watches as they start like little ducklings and bow to him before fleeing.

Cute.

---

“We have to do something!” Lan Zhanxiao insists, “Did you see how he looked? Wei Wuxian was clearly trying to-”

“Shh! Keep your voice down!” Lan Lishan reprimands.

“Don’t say his name!” Lan Guan whispers urgently, looking around in a panic. There are already a few curious and interested eyes glancing in their direction. Wei Wuxian is a notorious name, after all. Even non-cultivators are interested in the man who had just a material impact on the war. It is hard to tell if they would’ve won without that powerful unorthodox cultivator on their side.

“We can’t just stand by and do nothing,” Lan Zhanxiao, always the righteous one, continues. He doesn’t care about the people around them, “If Wei Wuxian is hurt and we do nothing to prevent it, aren’t we culpable as well?”

“This is Wei Wuxian. Who would dare?” Lan Guan asks incredulously, “He is one of the most powerful cultivators in existence.”

“Is he?” Zhanxiao demands, “Doesn’t everyone know he’s very loyal to Jiang-zongzhu? Would he take a step against him? Even if it meant saving himself?”

“He should be building his own sect,” Lan Lishan says reluctantly, “He’s the Grandmaster of his cultivation form. It may be an unorthodox method, but it is still something new and entirely unique.” He would know. Lan Lishan is an avid student of history and cultivation theory. He knows that most cultivators with unique abilities tend to form their own sect to pass their teachings down.

He shudders at the prospect of cultivating resentful energy but Wei Wuxian has mentioned it is a technique people with absent or damaged Golden Cores can use.

The potential is almost limitless.

“See what I mean?” Lan Zhanxiao points out, “Hasn’t he been isolated from other cultivators because they fear his methods? If Jiang-zongzhu is really hurting him or…” He grimaces and lowers his voice, “That expression, Shan-ge, it reminds me of jiejie. What if Jiang-zongzhu is… doing something inappropriate?”

They all exchange alarmed glances, “You don’t think…?” Lan Guan breathes, horrified.

“He was scrambling to get away,” Lan Zhanxiao says, “And Jiang-zongzhu kept pressing-”

“We can’t talk about this here,” Lan Lishan says firmly, “Come, let’s leave.”

Unfortunately, they leave chaos behind.

---

Rumors are a powerful entity in the cultivation world. They are born in tea and wine houses, spread from one tradesman to another and spread to the far reaches of cultivation society in a matter of months.

The rumors about Jiang’ Wanyin’s treatment of a war hero are no exception to this rule. People gossip about it with their friends and neighbors, share the news with vendors while on errands, and the rumors continue to grow. With every retelling, the story changes, growing increasingly distorted and vile.

“The entire business is unpleasant,” A small clan cultivator says to one of his tradesman friends, “Jealousy really alters a man.” He speaks about old rumors then, speculations about Wei Wuxian’s parentage, Madam Yu’s wrath, and the Jiang heir’s relatively lackluster growth in comparison to his prodigious shixiong.

“Surely not,” Another cultivator scoffs, “Who would dare raise a hand against Wei Wuxian? Did he not decimate a large Wen battalion with just his flute and some music?”

“Merchants at Lotus Pier say Wei Wuxian always looks wan and tired these days. He has grown pale.” One woman whispers to her companion, “He spends more time in wine houses with ghost maidens than in the comfort of his rebuilt home.”

“It seems so improbable!” A young cultivator protests, “Why would Jiang-zongzhu provoke the sleeping dragon like this? Wei Wuxian is stable now but who knows when he will give into resentment?”

“Lan disciples saw it.”

And that’s the crux of the matter. If the rumor didn’t originate from Lan disciples, it might not have traveled so far. Lans are known for their honest and forthright nature, after all. What cause did they have to lie? And no Lan spoke carelessly, so their words must be the whole truth, without any exaggeration.

Because Lans are the source, everything they say is taken as fact. If one Lan disciple finds Jiang-zongzhu’s behavior horribly inappropriate then it must be. If another Lan is worried about Wei Wuxian’s safety, there must be a just cause.

The rumors spread and propagate, and soon almost the entirety of the cultivation world is aware of them.

---

Gossip is forbidden at Cloud Recesses. Disciples are usually discouraged from meddling in other sect business. Rumor-mongering is punished severely, with all parties involved facing the wrath of the disciple whip.

But Lans are raised to be righteous and compassionate. If someone is in trouble, a Lan must act. He must offer a helping hand and take the victim away from danger.

When the rumors reach Caiyi Town and land on the ear of one Lan Ruyao, he hesitates. He asks around, gets more information, and then rushes back to Cloud Recesses, intent on knowing it all.

Lan Ruyao seeks the three disciples that are the cause of it all and demands an explanation, his mind disturbed with worry. What he hears gives him no comfort for he cannot discard their concerns. The behavior they describe is alarming and their observations are precise, without any emotion clouding their judgment.

Lan Lishan narrates the incident in detail, describing every action with no embellishment or exaggeration. He speaks of Wei Wuxian’s retreat, of Jiang Wanyin’s insistence, the threat of whipping, and words spoken with cruelty and disrespect.

Lan Ruyao’s mind is disturbed as he retreats, absentmindedly assigning some lines to the junior disciples. They have erred by being so indiscreet but their cause is righteous. They don’t deserve severe punishment.

He meditates on the matter for an entire morning, trying to decide on a course of action.

You see, Lan Ruyao is Lan Wangji’s peer. He has known the Second Jade for many years, and while they are not close, they are of the same clan. The entire cultivation world may believe Lan Wangji hates Wei Wuxian, but Ruyao knows better. The Second Jade wouldn’t have been so insistent on bringing Wei Wuxian to Gusu if he didn’t care.

Lan Ruyao suspects both of them hold each other in some esteem. They have saved each other’s sides many times and seem to get along well when they’re not quarreling. He believes that they are friends.

It would be unwise to keep this from Lan Wangji.

Decision made, he quickly requests a private meeting with the Second Jade. The request is granted promptly and soon Lan Ruyao finds himself before his peer, readying himself for a difficult conversation.

The Second Jade listens to his piece without any interruption, his expression blank and beautiful as white jade. But his golden eyes are twin chips of flint, coldly furious.

Indeed, they are friends.

Lan Wangji summons the three junior disciples and questions them thoroughly. His demeanor becomes frostier as the interview progresses, his spiritual energy gaining a deadly edge when the juniors murmur of ‘inappropriate behavior.’

“You have my gratitude,” Lan Wangji says finally, bowing to him and nodding to the juniors, “Rest assured, I will address the matter directly.”

---

“Lan Zhan, wait!” Wei Wuxian protests as Lan Zhan drags him away by the elbow, his uncharacteristic behavior taking him by surprise, “Don’t take him so seriously, Lan Zhan! You know he’s a temperamental brat.”

Lan Zhan doesn’t say anything until they are a fair distance away from Jiang Cheng and the Lotus Pier. Wei Wuxian tries to get an explanation for such unusual behavior but his companion is entirely silent, guiding him towards a crop of trees that offer some semblance of privacy.

“How long have you borne this?” Lan Zhan asks once they stop walking, his golden eyes bright and fierce, “How long have you endured without speaking a word to me or your friends?”

“All my life,” He rolls his eyes, “You know Jiang Cheng has a temper and says careless things, Lan Zhan. Don’t worry, I know how to handle him.”

“All your life?” Somehow, Lan Zhan seems stricken, “Wei Ying!”

“Aiya, Lan Zhan,” Honestly, he is moved by Lan Zhan’s concern for him. They have spent so many years just quarreling and being distrustful towards each other. The concern is a pleasant distraction from the wretched state of their relationship, “Don’t worry about it. I can deal with everything Jiang Cheng throws at me.”

“How can you be so callous about your own well-being?” Lan Zhan asks, his tone betraying his dismay, “Do you not care-” He visibly bites back those angry words and calms himself, his voice taking on a gentler note, “Did you think I would not help? That your friends wouldn’t offer you shelter or protection?”

Really, this is a bit of an overreaction, isn’t it?

“Do I really have any friends left, Lan Zhan?” He asks casually but the reaction he receives is anything but casual. Lan Zhan’s eyes widen as though he has been struck, “Aiya, please don’t look like that,” Wei Wuxian feels a stir of panic because Lan Zhan looks almost hurt, “I’m just being a brat.”

“Have a care,” Lan Zhan says, “Your dismissal of this matter doesn’t put me at ease.”

“Lan Zhan,” He sighs, “I’m used to it. You saw how we were at Cloud Recesses. Did I look unusually troubled then?”

“You’ve become… accustomed to it?” Lan Zhan asks, once again looking uncharacteristically stricken. Wei Wuxian feels a stir of concern in his stomach and reaches out, placing a hand on the Second Jade’s arm, “You’re accustomed to it.”

Not knowing what to do in response to such open emotion from Lan Zhan, he looks for something to distract him. Immediately, his mind remembers an old promise, “Let’s focus on something more pleasant. It’s about time you saw Lotus Pier in its full glory, Lan Zhan! I want to show you all of my favorite places, including all of the trees I climbed!”

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan’s voice is low and pained.

Wei Wuxian’s smile softens as he tugs on the Second Jade’s arm, “Don’t think of unpleasant things, Lan Zhan. It’s a beautiful day and we haven’t seen each other in months! Let’s be happy, alright?”

Wei Wuxian feels a jolt of surprise as Lan Zhan raises a hand and covers his fingers, squeezing gently. The touch is warm and reassuring, and it sets Wei his heart racing.

Lan Zhan studies him for a long moment before dipping his head elegantly, his grip on Wei Wuxian’s fingers still firm and steady, “If Wei Ying wishes it,” He promises, “I will make it so.”

Oh.

---

It all comes to a head at the Discussion Conference. Wei Wuxian is accustomed to being the center of attention these days but the quality of that attention is different now. Instead of wary glances, he sees eyes filled with sympathy and tentative smiles of welcome.

Wei Wuxian being Wei Wuxian, ignores the nagging suspicion that lingers at the back of his mind and smiles brightly back at them.

That seems to make things worse because the looks of sympathy seem to somehow intensify. He even sees a few women blink their limpid eyes and turn away, as though disguising tears. Somewhat alarmed, he glances at Jiang Cheng and winces.

His martial brother is bristling with anger. There’s a thundercloud-like expression on his face as he meets every eye in the room with a clear challenge.

If glances towards him are filled with sympathy, those towards Jiang Cheng are filled with contempt and disapproval. Between that and Lan Zhan’s protective hovering, Wei Wuxian is at the end of his patience.

He needs answers and he needs them now before the situation can escalate somehow.

Baffled by the situation, Wei Wuxian looks around and finds the most reliable source of gossip he can find. “What is going on?” He demands as soon as he is at Nie Huiasang’s side, “Why are people glaring at Jiang Cheng like he’s a fierce corpse?”

Nie Huaisang waves his fan, his expression a strange mix of amusement and grim satisfaction. For one, his old friend doesn’t hide behind his usual prevarications. He glances around the room and seems to catch someone’s eye. Wei Wuxian follows that gaze only to blink as Lan Zhan walks sedately towards them, expression stern and disapproving, “Do you know what’s going on, Lan Zhan?”

The Second Jade remains silent, his eyes fixed on Jiang Cheng. Wei Wuxian sighs in frustration and glares at Nie Huaisang, “Nie-xiong, what?”

His curt tone is enough to snape Nie Huaisang out of his musings. The man smiles wryly behind his fan, “Ah, Wei-xiong,” He waves his free hand, “There has been some speculation about your relationship with-”

“Why don’t you speak up?” A loud voice asks and Wei Wuxian turns around, “Why don’t you defend Wei Wuxian, Jiang-zongzhu? You’re going to let people slander your loyal Head Disciple so boldly?”

It’s Wang Jin, the Sect Leader of Runan Wang Clan. The man’s face is twisted in rage and disgust as he stares at Jiang Cheng. Wei Wuxian frowns, ready to step forward and stand by Jiang Cheng in such a hostile environment.

Lan Zhan’s hand on his arm stops him.

He looks at the Second Jade questioningly but the man just shakes his head, “Wait.”

“Why should he defend him?” An annoying Jin pipes up, his voice sharp and mocking, “We know what Wei Wuxian is! He may pretend to be loyal on the surface, but he is nothing but a faithless dog-”

“Jin Zixun!” Nie Mingjue snaps, “I will not have you insult one of our men in my presence! He fought and bled on our side.”

Nie Mingjue’s words silence him and Jin Guangyao speaks up soothingly as Wei Wuxian frowns, studying the scene with keen eyes, “Let us all calm down. I’m sure Wang-zongzhu means well.” He smiles placidly, “There have been rumors, just a bit of gossip about Wei-gongzi speaking ill of Jiang-zongzhu.” Wei Wuxian tilts his head to the side, mind whirling.

He refuses to be angry. There’s something about this situation that has his instincts rattled. He needs to focus.

“The Hanguang-jin himself said they were lies. Wei Wuxian has never spoken ill of Jiang Wanyin!” Well, that’s not entirely true. He is certain he has called Jiang Cheng a temperamental brat in Lan Zhan’s presence more than once. “Jiang-zongzhu should know better than to-”

“Why does Jiang-zongzhu need to do anything for that man?” Jin Zixun demands and Wei Wuxian feels a stir of amusement. All of this drama on his account? He’s honored.

“What kind of Sect Leader is he?” Wang-zongzhu asks, fuming, “If he doesn’t even defend his own Head Disciple? Has he not brought glory to YungmengJiang? Doesn’t the Sect owe him a debt of gratitude?” Wei Wuxian winces and Jiang Cheng’s expression turns stony, “If you want to talk of rumors, why not discuss the other rumors?” Wang-zongzhu turns to Jiang Cheng with a scowl, “Is he not your brother in all but blood? Didn’t the former Jiang-zongzhu raise Wei Wuxian as his nephew? Is this how YunmengJiang treats its brightest disciple? How will you face Jiang Fengmian, Jiang-zongzhu?”

Wei Wuxian bites back a groan as Jiang Cheng’s expression darkens with fury. This is the absolute worst thing to say to his martial brother.

“Why is he so concerned about this?” Wei Wuxian asks, almost to himself.

Nie Huiasang leans in and whispers in his ear, “His sisters were… assaulted by the Wens.”

Wei Wuxian feels a shudder crawl down his spine and shakes his head. Those disgusting wretches deserved the death he inflicted on them.

He still doesn’t understand what this has to do with him.

He glances at Lan Zhan, he is looking at the scene with his usual frosty expression, giving nothing away. He looks ahead to see Jiang Cheng ready to erupt and frowns. “Lan Zhan, I need to… help, somehow.”

“Wei Ying needs to do nothing.”

He’s about to protest when Jiang Cheng finally snaps, “Glory to YunmengJiang? He has brought nothing but devastation to it!” Wei Wuxian flinches and Lan Zhan steps forward and to the side, pointedly placing himself between the two Jiang Sect cultivators, “YunmengJiang has always been glorious. My ancestors bled and fought for it! We earned our glory through centuries of cultivation and diligence! I owe him a debt? Wei Wuxian owes me the lives of my parents! He provoked the Wens to save Lan Wangji’s life and I lost my family because of it!”

“Jiang-zongzhu, perhaps-”

“Shut up!” Jiang Cheng interrupted Jin Guangyao, “How I treat my Head Disciple is none of your business.”

“It is very much our business if you’re abusing him,” Nie Mingjue says and it silences everyone.

Wei Wuxian is… dumbfounded. He feels like he’s just a mass of confusion at this point because nothing about this situation makes sense. “Abuse?” He whispers harshly to Nie Huaisang, grabbing his arm to drag him away to a quieter corner, “Nie Huaisang, what is going on? Jiang Cheng doesn’t abuse me!”

“Does he not?” It is Lan Zhan who speaks, his expression solemn, “Truly, Wei Ying? Does he not abuse you?”

“Of course, not-”

“So he didn’t threaten you with Zidian?” Nie Huaisang asks, “Or try to physically intimidate you while you were clearly trying to step away?”

Wei Wuxian frowns, “Well yes, but that is just him being angry! He does that all the time.”

“That is no comfort to us.” Lan Zhan says stiffly.

“Didn’t he push you away several times? We have accounts from people who saw you fall to the ground.” Nie Huaisang’s expression is unusually stern, “Didn’t he seek to isolate you from everyone? Didn’t he keep telling you Wangji-xiong hated you?”

“Wangji-xiong gave every impression of hating me.” Wei Wuxian firmly denies, “Let us not attribute that particular error to someone else.”

“Indeed,” Lan Zhan nods graciously, as expected. He wouldn’t be Lan Zhan if he didn’t accept his own mistakes without hesitation.

“Wei-xiong,” Nie Huaisang tucks his fan away and he sees Lan Zhan focus on that, his eyes suddenly sharp, “He has been saying the same thing since you were at Cloud Recesses. He has always dragged you away from Lan Wangji. You saved Lan Wangji and Jin Zixuan’s lives. Why is he so intent on our Second Jade, hmm?”

Wei Wuxian shakes his head, “You’re making this unnecessarily complicated.” He says, “On the surface, all of these actions appear wrong but the intent behind them isn’t cruel.”

“Your love for him blinds you.” Wei Wuxian narrows his eyes sharply at his old friend, “If er-ge treated Wangji-xiong like that, you’d be furious. Just the threat of da-ge whipping would have you reaching for your flute.”

“Huaisang-”

“Did you think we wouldn’t feel the same way?”

Wei Wuxian studies him and Lan Zhan, realizing they are utterly serious. Concerned and a bit baffled, he looks at Jiang Cheng over his shoulder, only to find him nose to nose with Wang-zongzhu. “Heavens,” He breathes and steps forward, determined to intervene.

“You think what?” Jiang Cheng’s voice is full of disgust, “You… you think I have… that I’m some disgusting cutsleeve?!”

Wait, what?

“How dare you?! I would never touch a man!”

“Is that what he’s focusing on?” Nie Huaisang asks incredulously.

For once, Wei Wuxian has nothing to say.

---

It takes a few weeks for fresh rumors to make their rounds. People now know that Jiang Wanyin hasn’t behaved inappropriately with his martial brother, but that doesn’t make much difference.

The cultivation world, in general, still believes that Jiang Cheng’s behavior is abhorrent. Wei Wuxian is tempted to point out the hypocrisy of their words but knows it is futile. Once the masses make up their minds about something, few can persuade them to think otherwise. Jiang Cheng’s reputation has been tainted forever and there’s little they can do about it.

Unfortunately, this issue has also cemented the break between Wei Wuxian and his Sect Leader. There’s nothing that can repair the relationship now. He feels a pang of loss but he had already resigned himself to that when he had given away his Golden Core.

Fortunately, it seems he has some options available.

“Come to Gusu with me,” Lan Zhan says, his tone softer, his voice imploring, “Please.” This time, Wei Wuxian can’t mistake his intent. Lan Zhan’s reaction to the entire mess made one thing very clear to him.

Lan Wangji cares about him.

Isn’t that something? Never in his life did Wei Wuxian think he would be in such a position. He had always assumed Jiang Cheng would be by his side and Lan Wangji would stand against him. But everything is different now.

Wei Wuxian thinks of his childhood home, thinks of a life that has been irrevocably changed, and sinks in those memories for a brief moment. Despite what everyone thinks, there have been some good times. He doesn’t regret the course his life took when he was welcomed to the Lotus Pier by Jiang Fengmian.

He lingers, briefly, on regret,

Then, he shrugs it off and looks into the golden eyes of his future with a grin, “I’ll come to Gusu with you, Lan Zhan.”

And that’s that.

[drwcn]

《 Without Envy 》 storyboard 9 - concubine/sleeper agent!wwx & prince!lwj [Master List], you should also have read [6] [6.2]

Lan Qiren coming to visit Hanguang-fu effectively put an end to Wei Wuxian's time as Lan Wangji's servant. He wanted to send Wei Wuxian back to Jiang-fu, but luckily, Jiang Yanli interfered.

Jiang Yanli has been slowly recovering since her drug-induced miscarriage, and while Wei Wuxian had slowed her progress with sedatives, he's been careful to keep an eye on her intake to make sure Jin Ziyan hasn't been messing with her again. As well, with Wei Wuxian occupying Lan Wangji's time and keeping the Jiang family in his good graces, Jiang Yanli had the time she needed to recover fully without needing to push herself to entertain Lan Wangji for favour.

“妾身见过太师，给太师请安。” “阿离啊，听说你小产后一直身体不好，这下着雨，你怎么来了。起身吧, 孩子。” “承蒙太师与陛下惦记，殿下垂怜，阿离的身子已经大好了。阿羡本是妾身院里的，是妾身的陪嫁，一直都安分守己，对王府对殿下忠心不二。是妾身无用，身子一直不见好才让阿羡到王爷身边侍奉。刚见阿羡被太师训斥，相比是阿离平日里管教无方，无心顶撞了太师。有什么过错，都是妾身的错，还请太师责罚。” ~translate~ Jiang Yanli dipped into a proper curtsey, kneeling before Lan Qiren, "This humble concubine greets Taishi. I pray that you've been well." "A-Li, I've heard that you've not been well since your miscarriage. It's raining today, what troubled you to come? Rise, child." Lan Qiren's stance softened upon seeing Jiang Yanli. His late sister-in-law had no daughters, and so often summoned the daughters of nobles into court to dote on and mentor as her own. Jiang Yanli, gentle and proper, has long been known to be a favorite of the late empress. She may not be the greatest beauty in her generation, but was second to none when it came to etiquette and grace. "Thanks be to His Majesty and taishi for remembering, and thanks to dianxia's for his care, my health is much improved now. A-Xian was once a member of my court, my peijia. I've always known him to be obedient and conscious of his place, and loyal to wangye and this princely manor. It is only on account of my poor health that he's been summoned to serve at wangye's side. Earlier, I heard Taishi chastising him; surely it must be A-Li's fault for failing to teaching him propriety and thus causing his unintended offence. The fault is with A-Li, and so I humbly submit myself to your discipline, taishi." Lan Qiren sighed. He did not wish to stir up trouble over a servant. If Jiang Yanli was willing to stand up for this Wei Wuxian, then he must have his uses. At the very least, he'll be a confidant for Jiang Yanli against Jin Ziyan. Lan Qiren so hoped that one day Wangji would choose the Jiang girl as his legal spouse and secure his marriage once and for all. If sparing one lowly servant was the price then so be it. "Very well, A-Li. Since the servant is yours, then his training and discipline shall be your responsible. He is unsuited to serve at the prince's side. It is good that you have recovered; Wangji should not be without a caring partner."

And so, Wei Wuxian returned to Jiang Yanli's side as a servant. Lan Wangji had to watch him go and could not interfere. The next several days was depressing for both of them on multiple fronts.

Xue Yang was very unimpressed:

"So you're tell me that you got to spend quality time with Lan Wangji for months and then... didn't get anywhere?" "I was getting there okay? How was I supposed to know his stupid uncle was gonna barge in like some nosey busybody and ruin everything!? I haven't seen Lan Zhan in days..." I miss him. How horrifyingly embarrassing. He probably forgot me already. "Don't tell me you actually miss him??? That you - barf - fell for him? Whatever happened to standards??!" "You watch your mouth, Xue Chengmei! I'm still your shixiong! And I have standards; Lan Zhan is...very good." Xue Yang: ( ˘︹˘ ) whatever.

Lan Wangji, the sulky boy that he is, brooded for days until Lan Xichen finally sought him out for some good ol' brotherly heart to heart.

"I hear Uncle took away your shiny new toy." "Wei Ying is not a toy." "Wei Ying is it?" Lan Xichen wiggled his eyebrows. "Ah, didi, you have to think a little more creatively. So your Wei Ying has gone back to his mistress, but is his mistress not your concubine? Jiang-furen is still unpregnant, I might add. Visit her. Then surely you'll get to see him." Lan Wangji grimaced. The thought has occurred to him, but the idea of bedding anyone not Wei Ying is intolerable. "Yes, Yanli is lovely, but I'd rather not...you know..." His brother was too polite to roll his eyes. "You've done it before, Wangji." "I would not have had to, if xiongzhang simply did his duty." Lan Wangji bit back icily, and instantly regretted it. Lan Xichen's eyes widened, his cheerful-teasing expression stuttering and crumbling in seconds. "Yes...yes that's true." "My sincerest apologies, huangxiong - no - bixia." Lan Wangji rose to his feet and then bowed down deeply. "I forgot my place. I accept any punishment." Lan Xichen sighed and extended a forgiving hand to pardon him. "Not necessary, Wangji. You're right. I haven't done my duty for Gusu." He pulled the younger man to sit beside him again. "You are doing this in my stead, stepping up where I have let the country down. I should not make light of your sacrifice. The matter of a harem is inevitably complicated, which is why I never cared for one. Neither did Father. His harem had always been sparse, and his first empress was not one of his choosing. When she died in childbirth and our unborn sibling along with her, he elevated our mother's rank to Empress and visited no one else henceforth." "Mother was never popular with the ministers for that reason." "Yes. They suspected that she had something to do with...well, in any case I imagine they were quite relieved when she passed." Lan Xichen shook his head. "The harem is not a happy place, Wangji. You were born after Mother was already Empress, you would not have remembered a time when she was consort. But I do. Like you, your concubines did not get to choose their fate. The fault, ultimately, lies with me." "Huangxiong -" "It's true, Wangji. The fault is mine." Lan Xichen patted him on the arm placatingly. "You cannot love them, and clever as they are, I don't think your concubines would expect you to. However, you can ensure their happiness in other ways. Jiang-furen seems the kind to very much want a child of her own. It will make the rest of her life in your harem more bearable."

After some deliberation, Lan Wangji went back to his routine of visiting different concubines regularly, but never more than just sharing a bed-space. With the exception of Jiang Yanli. Lan Wangji could see it in her eyes; she knew who he really wanted, but those words never needed to be said aloud. Jiang Yanli was kind to him, and he was kind to her in return. All things considered, it wasn't awful being with someone who wasn't your preferred, but who knew you for yourself and shared your struggles.

"Dianxia, you must've heard, that before I married into your wangfu, I was betrothed to Jin Zixuan." She mentioned one evening over a game of weiqi. Of all his concubines (which he has 4) and friends (which he has few), Jiang Yanli's skill on the weiqi board was unparalleled. Lan Wangji half wondered how the Marquis and Marchioness of Yunmeng could have buried this talented daughter of theirs under the shadow of their son for so many years. "Yes I am aware." "I loved him." "...." For a minute Lan Wangji did not know how to reply. He stared at the chessboard. Jiang Yanli's black pieces had surrounded his white ones and forced them into a corner. "Why are you telling me this?" "Your court, my clan: we are their creatures." Jiang Yanli 's smile was knowing. "I am not A-Xian; I can see what he cannot." "Which is?" "You've fallen for each other. Completely. He denies it, heaven knows why." Jiang Yanli took a delicate sip of tea. Fleetingly, Lan Wangji imagined that if he could not have Wei Ying, if he were forced to take a legal wife to make empress, that she would make a magnificent one. "Father loved Mother. Loved her as a wife even when she was only a consort -" "And his love spurred the hate of the royal court." "They blamed her for his loving a woman more than his country, as though she should have persuaded him to love her less. I do not want the same to happen to Wei Ying." "Nor I." "Huangshu says I would need a legal spouse one day, someone virtuous and from a strong pureblood family." "Is that what dianxia wants?" "I want it to be Wei Ying, though I know it to be impossible. Barring that, I'd want to keep him safe in the harem, the size of which will only grow after I succeed the throne." "For that, dianxia will need a spouse who will reign over the harem as you rule over the country." Lan Wangji contemplated his choices and the options available to him. After some time, he placed the white piece he fiddled between his fingers back into the bamboo bowl, conceding that he'd lost this round. Jiang Yanli waited patiently for him to come to terms with the offer she already knew he would make. He wondered how long ago she had foreseen this moment, whilst simultaneously realizing that if his uncle had any idea just how intelligent she truly was, he would not be so quick to suggest her as a candidate for princess consort. A weak emperor and a strong empress never boded well for the stability of the realm. This was dangerous waters Lan Wangji was wading into, but he knew beyond doubt that the only way to survive was to keep straight ahead. He had no other path to take, none which maximally balanced what he wanted with what he needed. Jiang Yanli was his only solution, his only ally. "Huangxiong suggested that we have a child together." He finally said, staring her squarely in the eyes. "You and I can agree that the son of Gusu Lan and Yunmeng Jiang would certainly be a strong contender amongst his brothers." "She could be a daughter." "Then I'd cherish her more. A child and a crown - would they make you happy, Yanli?" "If I said yes?" "Then they're yours." Jiang Yanli smiled.

Two months after Wei Wuxian was dismissed from Lan Wangji's service and the prince began visiting Jiang Yanli, good new was delivered to Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan. The message was this: Hanguang-wang's Jiang-furen was with child yet again.

[sincerelystranger]

Warning: This is 6k and there is explicit (s3xual) content. 

Can also be read on AO3

---

Jiang Cheng is zen.

Calm. At peace. Content. Fucked into nirvana.

Whatever.

He’s completely naked on the bed. His legs are still shaking and, to be honest, the air conditioning feels a bit cold, but he doesn’t have the energy anywhere in his body to grab the duvet and pull it over himself.

Whatever.

He’s content to die of hypothermia by air conditioning - that’s just how zen he is now.

Jiang Cheng feels the mattress sink to one side as Mingjue-ge (Or at least he assumes it’s Mingjue-ge. He’s too zen to open his eyes and check.) takes a seat next to him.

“Are you going to sleep?” Mingjue-ge asks, running his huge hand through Jiang Cheng’s bangs, lulling him into a further state of zen.

“Mn,” Jiang Cheng grunts in confirmation. It’s only because it’s Mingjue-ge that he bothers to answer at all.

“I’m going to go to the gym,” Mingjue-ge says, “Wait for me if you wake up before I get back. I want to have dinner together.”

Jiang Cheng actually cracks open his eyes at that.

Mingjue-ge is already dressed. He’s wearing those slutty tank-tops he seems to love. The ones that barely cover his nipples.

“How the fuck do you have energy for the gym?” Jiang Cheng asks, his voice coming out in a rough whisper. Fuck. Even his voice has been fucked tired. “I don’t get it. Am I a shit lay? You need more?”

The corner of Mingjue-ge’s mouth rises just the slightest amount and Jiang Cheng feels somewhat pleased by that. That small lift is basically a laugh from Mingjue-ge.

“The better my orgasm, the more energy I get,” Mingjue-ge says, leaning over Jiang Cheng to grab the duvet and pull it over Jiang Cheng’s naked body. He tucks the duvet over Jiang Cheng’s shoulders and leans down to place a kiss on Jiang Cheng’s temple. “You’re a great lay.”

If Jiang Cheng was the sentimental type he might say that the warm ache in his chest was… an emotion or something. But it’s not. It’s probably acid reflux.

Mingjue-ge is just a good person and an even better sex partner.

The only person Jiang Cheng has ever bottomed for and the only person who can hold Jiang Cheng up against the wall and fuck him stupid.

Jiang Cheng isn’t going to risk this kind of mind-blowing sex by developing emotions .

“Good,” Jiang Cheng says, closing his eyes again, fully prepared to fall asleep.

Mingjue-ge runs his fingers through Jiang Cheng’s hair again, quickly bringing Jiang Cheng to the brink of unconsciousness.

Just before Jiang Cheng falls asleep, he thinks he feels Mingjue-ge lean down and kiss him on his temple again.

“It probably helps that I’m in love with you.”

Jiang Cheng is zen.

Calm. At peace. Asleep.

There’s still a bit of light out when Jiang Cheng wakes up.

He takes a shower, because even though Mingjue-ge had wiped him down after he had single-dickedly wrecked Jiang Cheng’s entire body, he still feels sticky.

Also Mingjue-ge has a huge, custom-built shower to accommodate his giant ass. It’s a waste not to use it.

Mingjue-ge is back and in the kitchen when Jiang Cheng finally leaves the room.

Jiang Cheng just takes a moment to… appreciate Mingjue-ge’s figure. He’s still wearing his slutty tank-top, all of the muscles in his chest and arms and back out for display as he stands over the stove and does some magic cooking shit. And Jiang Cheng hadn’t noticed earlier, but Mingjue-ge is also wearing his shortest black gym shorts.

What an absolute whore .

Jiang Cheng suddenly isn’t sure what he’s hungry for. Food… or maybe he wants to lick a stripe up from Mingjue-ge’s ankle bone to the bottom of those scandalous shorts… and maybe he wants to nose those shorts up higher and bury his nose in Mingjue-ge’s balls.

Fuck, fuck, fuck…

He wants Mingjue-ge’s dick in his mouth.

“Stop objectifying my brother, A-Cheng,” a voice breaks him out of his lust-reverie.

Nie Huaisang is laying on the couch, his eyes glued (as always) to that stupid phone of his.

“Shut up,” Jiang Cheng grunts.

Mingjue-ge turns then. “Good. You’re awake,” he says. “Food’s almost ready. Huaisang, set the table.”

“Da-ge!” Huaisang whines, “I haven’t eaten all day. I’m starved and out of energy. I can barely speak, much less set the table!”

Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes so hard he sees his brain. It’s no wonder Huaisang gets along so well with Wei Wuxian. They are the same person.

Mingjue-ge pays no mind to Huaisang’s whining. He just says, “Huaisang,” one more time.

Huaisang is looking at Jiang Cheng then, his eyes huge and his bottom lip stuck out so far it looks like it’s trying to leave Huaisang’s face. “A-Cheng… please… as payment for staring at my brother like he’s a two dollar slut walking down main street butt naked…”

“Shut the fuck up you stupid twink,” Jiang Cheng hisses. “I was looking… respectfully.”

“... Right,” Huaisang says, “Also licking your lips respectfully too, huh?”

“I’m hungry,” Jiang Cheng says and walks into the kitchen to grab the placemats and utensils.

Dinner is good. Normal.

Huaisang whines and eats like a baby bird. Mingjue-ge frowns and tells Huaisang to get his life together. And Jiang Cheng leaves with left overs and a promise to return Mingjue-ge’s shirt next time.

Nothing is mentioned of the horrible sentence Jiang Cheng heard before he fell asleep so Jiang Cheng chalks it up to a remnant of a dream he must have had and goes on with his life.

Jiang Cheng is about to die.

“I’m going to die,” he says, his voice breaking off in an embarrassing moan as Mingjue-ge moves slowly out of him. “I’m going to die, I’m going to die. I don’t have any cum left inside me, I’m going to die.”

“Shh,” Mingjue-ge says, placing little soft kisses along Jiang Cheng’s temple and down the side of his face. “You’re alright. I have you right here. Shh.”

And oh god fuck, Mingjue-ge is a fucking liar because how the fuck is Jiang Cheng going to be alright? He’s already cum twice and Mingjue-ge seems hell-bent on fucking him to death. There should be nothing left in his body, but his stupid, traitorous cock is still somehow rock hard and leaking.

Mingjue-ge’s dick slowly - ever so slowly - comes out of Jiang Cheng’s body. Jiang Cheng can feel every millimeter - his entire body hot and oversensitive. The tip of Mingjue-ge’s dick just presses on Jiang Cheng’s hole. Mingjue-ge rubs slowly around Jiang Cheng’s hole, pressing in just that little bit before coming back out. The pressure is ever present but it’s just not enough.

Jiang Cheng is shuddering, his arms around Mingjue-ge’s neck, holding on for dear life.

Mingjue-ge runs his hand down Jiang Cheng’s side and slides it under Jiang Cheng’s lower back, lifting him up just a little.

“I can’t, I can’t,” Jiang Cheng says, hiding his face in Mingjue-ge’s huge chest and trying to find his breath.

Mingjue-ge slides back in.

Jiang Cheng wants to cry.

“Shh,” Mingjue-ge hushes. He’s entering Jiang Cheng as slowly as he left him and it’s torturous .

Mingjue-ge enters him halfway and stops for a moment before he puts both his arms under Jiang Cheng’s back to lift Jiang Cheng up by slow degrees, letting gravity slowly press Jiang Cheng down further onto Mingjue-ge’s dick.

Jiang Cheng is shaking now. Actually shaking. He can’t even feel his legs right now, and even if he could, he doubts he has the strength left to hold himself up. He’s helpless. Impaling himself by slow degrees.

Mingjue-ge presses soft kisses down his neck as he lifts Jiang Cheng straighter and straighter.

Just when Jiang Cheng is almost completely sat, Mingjue-ge lifts his face to capture Jiang Cheng’s lips in his own.

The wet, hot brush of Mingjue-ge’s tongue against his own is distracting enough that Jiang Cheng doesn’t feel Mingjue-ge’s hands leave the small of his back and grab both of his ass cheeks to spread them open.

Mingjue-ge slides up in one fluid motion.

“No, no,” Jiang Cheng sobs. He doesn’t know if he wants to push away from Mingjue-ge or hold him tighter. Mingjue-ge pulls out before he can make a decision.

“Wh—!” Mingjue-ge slides back in before Jiang Cheng can say anything. He sets a brutal pace. It’s all Jiang Cheng can do to hold on. In this position, it feels like maybe Mingjue-ge’s dick is all the way in his stomach and that’s got to be messing up all his insides and he feels so hot and cold and he can’t even close his mouth it’s fucking humiliating and insane. He knows he’s slobbering like a fucking dog but he can’t help it.

“Ge… ge,” Jiang Cheng moans, “I can’t… I—“

Mingjue-ge just lifts Jiang Cheng then and turns him around so that his chest and face are pressed up against the wall.

One hand is pressed up against Jiang Cheng’s stomach, keeping him from just sliding back down onto the bed, and the other hand snakes down to press one finger on the tip of Jiang Cheng’s weeping cock.

“Little Jiang Cheng is telling me you can,” Mingjue-ge says, his breath hot against Jiang Cheng’s ear.

“He’s a liar,” Jiang Cheng sobs, “that fucking lying piece of —- mmm!”

“Okay, okay,” Mingjue-ge says placatingly, his hand rubbing small, soothing circles on Jiang Cheng’s stomach. “Let me finish and I’ll let you rest.”

Both Mingjue-ge’s hands come up to play with Jiang Cheng’s nipples and Mingjue-ge’s mouth sucks gently on the side of Jiang Cheng’s neck as the speed of his thrusts increase.

“No! Not there! Ge… Ge!”

Jiang Cheng has no clue when Mingjue-ge finishes because his vision goes white and there’s a strange ringing in his ear and…

Well it turns out Little Jiang Cheng isn’t a liar after all.

Mingjue-ge is wiping down Jiang Cheng’s body with a wet towel when Jiang Cheng comes to.

“I told you I couldn’t take it,” Jiang Cheng says, glaring weakly at Mingjue-ge. His voice is groggy again and it kind of hurts to swallow.

But his throat always hurts when he sucks Mingjue-ge off, so that’s not really a concern. The human throat really isn’t built to deepthroat a cock as big as Mingjue-ge’s but Jiang Cheng can’t help but try.

Mingjue-ge doesn’t say anything, but he opens a water bottle and lifts Jiang Cheng’s head with his giant hand so he can drink.

When Jiang Cheng is finished drinking, Mingjue-ge lays him back down and rubs his fingers soothingly over Jiang Cheng’s forehead.

“You took it just fine,” he says.

“Mm,” Jiang Cheng hums, feeling the comfortable sense of zen blanket over him again. “Who else are you fucking now? Tell me so I can make sure they’re a real person. I refuse to believe that there’s another fucker in the world who can take your entire cock like I can.”

Mingjue-ge is quiet for a long while. Long enough that Jiang Cheng thinks that maybe Mingjue-ge is just going to ignore his post-fuck nonsense.

“You’re the only one I’m sleeping with,” Mingjue-ge says suddenly. His movements steady as he continues to wipe down Jiang Cheng’s body. “The only one that I want to sleep with.”

It’s nothing.

Nothing.

It just means that Mingjue-ge thinks Jiang Cheng is a good lay.

But it still makes Jiang Cheng’s chest go weirdly hot. He feels… satisfied. Like maybe he won first place in a competition he didn’t even enter. Like he ate just the right amount and nothing was left on his plate. Like maybe he was fucked into nirvana.

Jiang Cheng feels Mingjue-ge get off the bed and hears him walk to the bathroom. He hears the water run for a moment and he hears Mingjue-ge come back and feels the mattress sink as he takes a seat once again.

A warm, wet towel runs gently over Jiang Cheng’s face.

He knows he must have dried tears and snot and spit all over his face and it should be embarrassing, but Mingjue-ge is the one responsible for it so it’s only right that he cleans it. So not embarrassing. Jiang Cheng refuses to be embarrassed by it.

Jiang Cheng is zen.

“Are you going to the gym again? Or was this orgasm not good enough,” Jiang Cheng asks, in a good enough mood to be snarky.

“I’m in love with you,” Mingjue-ge replies.

It’s an interesting change of pace from Mingjue-ge.

“Huh,” Jiang Cheng says after a long silence. “So… do you want to stop fucking for a while? How many days will it take you to get over it? A week? A month?” Because as unfortunate as it is that Mingjue-ge is currently in love with him, Jiang Cheng refuses to lose Mingjue-ge’s magic cock.

“I’m going to the gym,” Mingjue-ge says.

Another interesting change of pace.

Mingjue-ge gets ready in silence. Jiang Cheng watches him get ready in silence.

Jiang Cheng wonders if the silence is actually heavy or if he’s the only one who feels that way. He also wonders if his answer pissed Mingjue-ge off.

He feels cold again. Stupid air conditioning.

Mingjue-ge walks back over to him once he’s finished getting dressed. He’s wearing that stupid slutty tank top again (it’s white this time - what a complete slut). At least he’s not wearing his short shorts - even though the shorts he’s currently wearing are pretty short anyway.

Mingjue-ge sits down next to Jiang Cheng and leans over to pull the duvet over Jiang Cheng and tuck him in.

He leans down and presses a soft kiss to Jiang Cheng’s temple. “I don’t want to stop sleeping with you,” he says, “And I’m never going to get over it.”

Jiang Cheng looks up at Mingjue-ge, wide-eyed, as he straightens up.

His face must look funny because the corner of Mingjue-ge’s lip lifts up again.

Huge fingers run over his forehead.

“I’m a little more in love with you than you think, so hurry up and fall in love with me too.”

Mingjue-ge just… leaves Jiang Cheng like that. Too tired to leave the bed and too shocked to fall asleep.

Jiang Cheng doesn’t know what to do with Mingjue-ge’s sudden confession so he does what he does best - ignores it.

It’s a great plan and it works out perfectly for him.

He still sleeps with Mingjue-ge at least three times a week (Fucking at least two of those three times). He still eats dinner with Mingjue-ge, sometimes breakfast, sometimes lunch. Sometimes they go to the gym together, and… and everything is perfect.

Mingjue-ge never brings up that he’s in love with Jiang Cheng and Jiang Cheng just goes on with his life, thinking that maybe Mingjue-ge’s confession was a hallucination of his.

Months go peacefully by.

And everything is perfect until…

“What’re you going to get Da-ge for Valentine’s Day?” Stupid Wei Wuxian asks, stupidly.

“Why would I get anything for Mingjue-ge for Valentine’s Day?” Jiang Cheng asks, shoving Wei Wuxian’s stupid long legs off of his chair irritably.

“Uh… cause you guys are dating?” Wei Wuxian replies stupidly.

“Who am I dating?” Jiang Cheng snorts. “We’re just fucking.”

Wei Wuxian stares at him with his huge, judge-y eyes.

“We’re not dating!” Jiang Cheng says emphatically.

“Why not?” Wei Wuxian asks.

Of all the things Wei Wuxian could have said in that moment, the ‘why not’ hits Jiang Cheng strangely. A strange ache in his chest that he chalks up to heartburn.

“None of your business,” Jiang Cheng says, his voice sounding weak even in his own ears. “Shut the fuck up before I beat you to death.”

“I mean is it Da-ge?” Wei Wuxian asks, his eyebrows scrunching up worriedly. “Is he just stringing you along? Does he refuse to settle down with just you? I mean I know he dresses like a floozy but I always thought he was a one-man type of guy.”

Jiang Cheng grabs whatever is nearest to him and throws it at Wei Wuxian. It turns out to be a book.

“He doesn’t dress like a floozy,” Jiang Cheng growls out, feeling strangely offended on Mingjue-ge’s behalf. “You dress like a floozy.”

Wei Wuxian, annoying as always, opens the book Jiang Cheng had thrown at him and flips through the pages, unbothered. “I dress like a floozy but I am a one-man type of guy so it cancels out.”

Stupid logic. Stupid Wei Wuxian logic that makes stupid fucking sense when it shouldn’t.

“Shut up,” Jiang Cheng sighs, “You’re so fucking annoying. Nobody in the world can stand your voice.”

“Lan Zhan loves the sound of my voice,” Wei Wuxian says, smiling beautifically at him.

“Your ‘Lan Zhan’, is also a certified grade-one weirdo,” Jiang Cheng replies bitingly.

“At least Lan Zhan’s not the type of trash to string me along!” Wei Wuxian snarls back, throwing the book back at Jiang Cheng. “We only fucked once we were official. He’s a complete gentleman!”

Wei Wuxian’s reply surprises a snort out of Jiang Cheng so he fails at catching the book - which is fucking embarrassing and annoying.

“Fine, fine,” Jiang Cheng acquiesces with a roll of his eyes. “Your weirdo is a gentleman. Big deal. I bet he can’t fuck half as well as Mingjue-ge can.”

“I’d bet he fucks way better,” Wei Wuxian says. “Word on the street is that Da-ge is huge all over. I bet he just relies on that and has no technique.”

Jiang Cheng doesn’t know why it makes him so irrationally mad to hear that anyone on any street is talking about Mingjue-ge’s dick and how he is in bed.

“Shut the fuck up,” he growls, grasping around to see if there’s anything else he can throw at Wei Wuxian. “You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.”

Wei Wuxian just looks at him with his stupid, huge, eyes, and they’re all sad and worried and ugh… Jiang Cheng wants to throw up.

“I can introduce you to someone nice, A-Cheng,” Wei Wuxian says earnestly. “It’s awful that Da-ge is stringing you along like that and, you know what they say, the best way to get over someone is meeting someone new, so…”

It’s too much.

Honestly.

“It’s not Mingjue-ge!” Jiang Cheng roars. And then in an awful, ashamed whisper he says, “It’s me. I’m the one… stringing him along…”

Wei Wuxian stares at him.

And stares at him.

And stares at him.

And his eyes are huge and judge-y and Jiang Cheng just wants to melt in shame.

Finally - finally - he opens his mouth. “That’s not a nice thing to do, A-Cheng.”

No. Fucking. Duh!!!!!!

“Shut up, shut up, shut up!” Jiang Cheng hisses. “Not everyone can have these fairytale romances like you and jie, okay? I’m a good fuck buddy - I’m not a good… I’m not a good boyfriend! You know this! Look how badly I fucked it up with Wen Qing. I’m… I’m just not…” The words die at his lips. He feels angry and ashamed and guilty and angry and fucking angry and fucking stupid Wei Wuxian with his stupid judge-y eyes and his stupid questions and… Fuck!

He buries his face in his hands. Annoyed that he can’t even leave because this is his fucking room and why the fuck should he be the one running out with his tail between his legs?

They sit in silence a long while. Wei Wuxian probably just staring at him with his huge judge-y eyes and Jiang Cheng just… stewing.

Finally, Wei Wuxian gets a clue and Jiang Cheng hears him get off of Jiang Cheng’s bed - to hopefully leave Jiang Cheng’s room and let Jiang Cheng die of embarrassment and rage in peace.

But… of course, it’s Wei Wuxian so that doesn’t happen.

Jiang Cheng feels Wei Wuxian’s arms go around his neck in a loose hug and feels Wei Wuxian rest his huge head on his.

“You’re not who you were at sixteen, A-Cheng,” Wei Wuxian says, rubbing his head on Jiang Cheng’s like a cat. A poor attempt at soothing, Jiang Cheng is sure.

“Yeah, I know,” Jiang Cheng says sullenly. He knows. He knows. He knows.

“You were never a bad guy. You just met Wen Qing at the… wrong time. It was… difficult for everyone.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Wen Qing doesn’t hold it against you.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Da-ge is hot as fuck and there’s a line of twinks waiting for your to fuck off out of the picture.”

“Yeah — wait!” Jiang Cheng breaks out of Wei Wuxian’s weird hug and turns to look at him. “Are you serious?”

Wei Wuxian looks down at him and nods solemnly. “Supposedly Da-ge hasn’t so much as looked at another person since you and him started… hooking up. The gays are furious with you for keeping him to yourself.”

Jiang Cheng isn’t sure how he feels about that… it feels like a strange mix of pleasure and rage and he kind of feels nauseous.

He stands up then and pushes Wei Wuxian towards the door.

“Okay, you’ve said enough. Leave.”

Wei Wuxian is relatively compliant. Only digging his heels in a little. “I think I’m going to make some homemade chocolates for Lan Zhan this year,” he says conversationally, as if he isn’t currently being manhandled out of the room. “Let me know if you want to make some with me. I’m buying the ingredients and supplies tomorrow.”

“You just never shut the fuck up, huh?” Jiang Cheng asks. And before Wei Wuxian can answer, he shuts the door.

Jiang Cheng ends up making chocolates.

He almost walks out when he sees the molds Wei Wuxian bought - little thumb sized penises, exaggerated kissy-lips, childish hearts - but he ends up staying because Wei Wuxian makes that stupid sad face of his and says, “I was looking forward to making these with you…”

Jiang Cheng is a fucking sucker and he hates himself.

Yanli-jie ends up joining them too, so all-in-all it ends up not too terrible of a time.

She giggles delightedly at Wei Wuxian’s stupid molds. “A-Xuan is going to be so mortified by these,” she laughs. “I can’t wait to see his face when I give these to him.”

Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng laugh along with Yanli.

“I bet he’ll make that constipated face that he makes whenever he has to be nice to us,” Wei Wuxian says, knocking Jiang Cheng’s shoulder with his own. “You know the one where he pretends to love spending time with us but he just looks super pained?”

“Oh this one?” Jiang Cheng asks, and spreads his mouth in a horrific fake smile and tightens his eyebrows strangely - the exact face that stupid peacock makes whenever Yanli makes him spend even one minute alone with Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng.

The entire table falls into laughter.

“Yes! That’s the one!” Wei Wuxian crows.

“Oh, come on,” Yanli says, giggling so hard her shoulders shake, “You’re exaggerating. It’s not that bad.”

“Love has blinded you, jie,” Jiang Cheng says with a shake of his head.

The chocolates come out better than expected.

Jiang Cheng chooses to put them in a tupperware instead of one of the fancy boxes Wei Wuxian had prepared for them because… because he feels a bit stupid.

They’re not even dating and Jiang Cheng is making chocolates.

Who knows if Mingjue-ge even likes him anymore?

It’s been months and Mingjue-ge hasn’t said anything since that nonchalant confession.

Maybe Mingjue-ge’s changed his mind and Jiang Cheng is going to look like an idiot tomorrow giving chocolates to his fuck buddy.

Maybe.

Still. Jiang Cheng goes to sleep that night, wondering what Mingjue-ge’s face will look like when Jiang Cheng gives him chocolates.

Jiang Cheng takes the chocolates out and puts them back into his bag about a thousand times before he leaves his house to go to Mingjue-ge’s.

They didn’t make any plans to meet today but…

Well… Mingjue-ge wouldn’t refuse him, right?

Right?

He shoves the chocolates into the bottom of his back and quickly runs out of his house before he can change his mind.

He walks to Mingjue-ge’s house. It’s a forty-minute walk normally, but Jiang Cheng takes the long way today. Winding around to pass by the gym he and Mingjue-ge frequent in hopes of running into Mingjue-ge there.

It’s just a chance, but if he ran into Mingjue-ge there that would make his plan go by so much more smoothly. He could pretend that he just saw Mingjue-ge by chance. Talk to Mingjue-ge a little. Feel him out. Maybe get invited to back to Mingjue-ge’s place instead of just showing up there like a fucking loser.

He’s busy imagining his perfect scenario when he reaches the gym.

A miracle of miracle happens and Mingjue-ge actually is standing in front of the fucking gym.

Jiang Cheng stops in his tracks and blinks rapidly. He’s not hallucinating this right?

Mingjue-ge is actually standing there…

It’s winter so he’s not wearing his slut shorts… No… He’s wearing something much worse.

He’s in fucking leggings.

His thin ass jacket (that is unzipped far enough down that Jiang Cheng can see his chest) barely covers his ass, and the leggings are so fucking tight that Jiang Cheng can see the crease of Mingjue-ge’s ass right above his perfect hamstring.

And to make matters worse, Wei Wuxian’s weird ass boyfriend’s perfect brother is talking to Mingjue-ge.

Jiang Cheng is too far away to hear exactly what they’re talking about. All he knows is that Lan Huan is fucking beaming up at Mingjue-ge. Laughing like Mingjue-ge said something funny - and Jiang Cheng knows for a fact that nothing Mingjue-ge has ever said in his life could be considered funny.

The final nail on the coffin is the way Mingjue-ge looks away like he’s fucking embarrassed . Like he’s fucking shy .

Jiang Cheng watches in slow motion as Lan Huan hands Mingjue-ge a… a box…

A fucking box…

On fucking Valentine’s Day.

He’s there before he’s conscious of it. Taking Mingjue-ge’s huge hand in his and forcibly dragging him away from the slutty, no-good, pretty faced motherfucker, Lan Huan.

He hears Mingjue-ge call out his name in confusion but it’s too late for talking to explaining or whatever the fuck rational people do.

He drags Mingjue-ge all the back… to Mingjue-ge’s apartment…

“What’s going on?” Mingjue-ge asks when they enter the apartment.

Jiang Cheng just paces back and forth - like a crazy person. Mingjue-ge is such a nice person, he thinks wildly. He just let Jiang Cheng drag him like that for ten minutes. He could have stopped Jiang Cheng at any time but he just let himself be dragged away like that and then dragged all the way back to his apartment with no questions or answers or what the fuck. He probably thinks Jiang Cheng is so weird. He’s probably regretting ever telling Jiang Cheng that he loved him - hell, he’s probably regretting ever sticking his dick in someone as insane as Jiang Cheng.

Jiang Cheng just keeps pacing back and forth, his thoughts getting increasingly more crazy before he feels two hands grab him by his shoulders and hold him still.

He looks up dazedly at Mingjue-ge’s perfect face.

“Jiang Cheng,” Mingjue-ge says slowly, “What’s wrong?”

“You said you wouldn’t stop loving me,” Jiang Cheng says (like an insane person).

Mingjue-ge just blinks down at Jiang Cheng in obvious confusion.

His silence just riles up Jiang Cheng more.

“I mean, I don’t even get why you would say that to me,” Jiang Cheng says rapidly, “Were you just fucking with me? Did you find out that I liked you and felt bad or something? I mean I know I’m insane but you didn’t - I mean everyone says you're such a good guy. And, I mean, you are. You felt bad for me, right? I just looked really pathetic, huh? And you… you like taking care of people and —“

Mingjue-ge pulls Jiang Cheng into his arms then and forcibly shuts him up by squishing Jiang Cheng’s face into his chest.

“Shh,” Mingjue-ge says, patting Jiang Cheng’s back soothingly. “It’s okay. It’s okay. Just take a breath. It’s okay.”

Jiang Cheng listens to Mingjue-ge’s orders and takes a breath. Mingjue-ge smells like sweat and cologne and it’s so familiar that it does… calm Jiang Cheng a bit.

Mingjue-ge lets Jiang Cheng go after a few breaths. He kind of squats down to look at Jiang Cheng face to face.

“Hey,” he says softly, “What’s wrong? This isn’t like you.”

Jiang Cheng stares back. He takes in Mingjue-ge’s scowly eyebrows. His intense eyes. The perfect line of his nose. The stern set of his mouth. The sharp line of his jaw.

“This is me,” he says finally, feeling cut open and horrible.

Mingjue-ge just looks at him. His eyes impossibly kind and gentle and warm.

It feels like a knife in Jiang Cheng’s chest.

“I’m a horrible boyfriend,” he says, taking a shaky step back from Mingjue-ge. “Like… the absolute worst. I’ll probably get jealous of the way you treat your brother - okay? I already hate the way you dress. I hate that anyone else in the world can see your chest, and I want to burn those short shorts that you like.” Jiang Cheng takes another shaky step back, and this time he brings up his arms to cover his face. He knows he sounds crazy. He knows this is probably the end of him and Mingjue-ge. Covering his face will do nothing to protect him from that but he feels a little safer. “I’ve been sleeping with you all this time… pretending that I didn’t have… feelings for you because… because I wanted to protect you from me.”

Mingjue-ge is quiet and Jiang Cheng isn’t quite brave enough to lower his arms to look at him.

“But I did a shit job. I still… I mean, I’ve been aware of your feelings all this time and I’ve been pretending they didn’t exist. I was hoping that you’d just forget too - that you’d get over it. But now that you’re really over it I’m acting like… I’m sorry,” he admits quietly. “I know what I did to you - what I’m doing to you - is… wrong. I’m… sorry.”

Wei Wuxian was right. What he did to Mingjue-ge was just… mean.

People like Jiang Cheng deserved to be strung along but people like Mingjue-ge? Mingjue-ge didn’t deserve that.

He didn’t deserve Jiang Cheng ignoring his feelings - pretending that they didn’t happen. Pretending like they didn’t exist.

Because the truth was Jiang Cheng had known. He had always known. Even before Mingjue-ge had said it out loud. He’d known.

Because what kind of fuck buddy tucks you in? What kind of fuck buddy kisses your temple and makes you dinner and holds you while you sleep? What kind of fuck buddy invites you over just to make you dinner?

Mingjue-ge had been loving him all this time and Jiang Cheng had just closed his eyes to it. Pretended like it didn’t happen and now he was going to lose it. Because he was a fucking idiot.

He feels Mingjue-ge’s hands on his arm, dragging them down from where they’re covering his face. He closes his eyes and prepares to be… punched or whatever. Whatever Mingjue-ge feels he deserves.

He waits for it. Waits for pain. Waits for cruel words. Waits for the “Get out of my apartment, you psycho.”

Instead…

Strong fingers curve along his jaw. A hot palm rests on the side of Jiang Cheng’s cheek.

Jiang Cheng opens his eyes slowly.

“No one’s ever protected me before,” Mingjue-ge says, a small smile on his lips. “Thank you for your concern, but I don’t need it. I want you. I still want you. Jealousy, crazy, and all.”

“But Lan Huan gave you chocolates and you looked so happy talking to him,” Jiang Cheng says, blinking his eyes hard to try to rid them of the burning. He’s not going to cry in front of Mingjue-ge. He’s not. “And Lan Huan is so… pretty… and he’s probably not as crazy as I am.”

Mingjue-ge looks to the side… shyly… again!

“Well,” Mingjue-ge steps back and clears his throat. He puts his hand in his jacket pocket and pulls the box out awkwardly. He thrusts the box towards Jiang Cheng and after an awkward moment, Jiang Cheng takes it.

“I’m shit at stuff like this,” Mingjue-ge says, still not making eye-contact with Jiang Cheng. “Lan Huan’s good at… making stuff… so I asked him to make something for me… But… uh… It’s for you.”

Jiang Cheng looks at the box in his hand. It looks… pretty. Dainty. If he hadn’t just seen Mingjue-ge hand it to him, he would never believe that this box could come from Mingjue-ge.

He opens it carefully.

Inside is one heart.

The size of his palm.

Made of chocolate.

It’s trimmed with what looks like gold foil and in the heart, white frosting writes: “Love You Forever”.

Jiang Cheng looks up at Mingjue-ge.

Mingjue-ge is… still looking away.

“Look, I wasn’t going to give it to you like this,” Mingjue-ge explains in a rapid whisper. “I planned a dinner… I was going to invite you over later… It was going to be more… I have flowers.”

Jiang Cheng quickly runs his arm across his eyes. Quietly wiping away the stupid, stupid tears that might have threatened to fall.

He turns and digs through his bag to find his tupperware. He regrets not using Wei Wuxian’s fancy boxes now. Mingjue-ge deserves so much better than stupid Jiang Cheng with his not-fancy tupperware full of stupid shaped chocolates.

He brings them out and turns to thrust them towards Mingjue-ge anyway.

“I made these for you,” he says. “They’re stupid shapes because Wei Wuxian picked out the molds, but… but I made them… myself… for… you.”

The tupperware fits in one of Mingjue-ge’s hands. It looks oddly small and Jiang Cheng feels even smaller.

Mingjue-ge opens the tupperware and takes one of the chocolates out.

It’s a penis.

A fucking penis.

Mingjue-ge looks at it and looks at Jiang Cheng. The corner of his lip is quirked up and he looks… cute.

“Are you trying to tell me something?” Mingjue-ge asks pointedly.

Oh fuck. Holy fuck. Goddammit to all hell.

“I love you,” Jiang Cheng says, launching himself recklessly into Mingjue-ge’s chest. “I love you and I want your dick in my mouth for the rest of my life - that’s what I’m trying to tell you.”

Mingjue-ge wraps his arms around Jiang Cheng.

“Took you long enough.”

Wei Wuxian, infuriatingly enough, turns out to be right.

Jiang Cheng is not who he was at sixteen. His jealousy isn’t as dark and twisted and uncontrollable as he remembers it being. And he’s not as bad of a boyfriend as he had thought he would be.

Or maybe Mingjue-ge is just easy to please.

Whatever.

He’s laying on Mingjue— no, their bed, and watching Mingjue-ge get dressed for the gym.

He’s wearing his slutty ass tank-top, as usual, but he’s taken to wearing biker shorts under his short shorts today.

“Why are you wearing those?” Jiang Cheng asks, lazily. Luxuriating in his post-coital zen and also enjoying the way his naked body feels on the sheets.

Mingjue-ge looks down at his biker shorts and looks back up at Jiang Cheng, a small smirk on his lips.

“Well whenever I wear these shorts, I end up not being able to go to the gym because you suddenly want to suck my soul out of my dick. So I thought I’d add a layer of protection. For my dick.”

Jiang Cheng puts his thumb down in a thumbs down. “Boo, bad decision,” he says, “Besides, who was the one who said they didn’t need any protection?”

Mingjue-ge walks over to the bed and sits down next to Jiang Cheng. He ruffles Jiang Cheng’s hair fondly and runs his hand down Jiang Cheng’s back gently. “I don’t need protection,” he says, “Just my dick.”

Jiang Cheng squirms his head onto Mingjue-ge’s lap and nuzzles his nose against his dick.

“Mmm, I’ll protect it,” Jiang Cheng mumbles, mouthing along where he knows Mingjue-ge’s sac is.

Mingjue-ge’s huge hand traitorously blocks his advances.

“I need to get to the gym,” Mingjue-ge says, tempering his words with another hair ruffle.

“The bed is so cold without you,” Jiang Cheng whimpers pitifully. He tries to channel Wei Wuxian and look at Mingjue-ge with huge, sad eyes.

They don’t seem to work at all on Mingjue-ge, who just lifts Jiang Cheng’s head off of his lap and moves him so that he’s laid straight on the bed again. He covers Jiang Cheng with the duvet and kisses Jiang Cheng on his forehead.

Then on his temple.

Then on each of his eyelids.

Then his nose.

And finally…

A soft kiss on Jiang Cheng’s lips.

“Be good, I’ll be back soon.”

Jiang Cheng slips into sleep quickly as Mingjue-ge leaves.

He dreams good dreams.

Softness, kindness, light.

Afterall, Jiang Cheng is zen.

[disastermages]

[read it on ao3]

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

“It’s really coming down, isn’t it?” Cangse asks, her eyes looking up at the tin roof that hangs over the train station, as if she could see through it and watch as the building gets pelted with rain without letting it touch her or the bag that’s starting to dig into her shoulders. The weight of it is welcome and familiar, it no longer burns and itches like it had after she’d first left her mother’s house.

The old woman who’d been standing next to Cangse for the last two stops only smiles and shakes her head, “This is a winter rain still, my dear, you haven’t seen a rainy day in Yunmeng until you’ve been here in the spring.” Bringing one finger up to her nose to try and brush warmth back into it, Cangse wants to ask the woman what the difference between a winter and a spring rain was, but she doesn’t get the chance.

The headlights of something bulky and black sweep over Cangse and the old woman, making them squint, even as Yu Ziyuan sucks on a lemon in the driver’s seat, both hands gripping the steering wheel. They needed her there, but it would be a cold day in hell before Yu Ziyuan would be happy about it. Cangse doesn’t dare dim the smile on her face as she waves and turns back to the woman standing beside her.

“Popo, are you going to be alright by yourself?” Cangse does her best not to bend to speak to the old woman, but it’s hard, the woman is short, and Cangse worries about the woman hurting herself to look up at her. Rain and cold were supposed to hurt old bones, weren’t they? “My friend could give you a ride if you want.”

Calling Yu Ziyuan a friend was a stretch when she was already honking the horn, the sound of it blaring, but the old woman only smiles and shakes her head, her hands gripping her bag tightly. “My son will be here soon, you go on. Your friend doesn’t seem like the patient type.” For one moment longer, Cangse and the old woman share a conspirator’s smile, trying to drag another round of honking out of Yu Ziyuan, but then Cangse is being nudged down the steps.

“Are you wearing bell bottoms?” Cangse hadn’t expected to be helped with her bags, but the sight of Yu Ziyuan’s bell bottoms more than makes up for it, the grin spreads across Cangse’s face before she can stop it, the rain is still pelting her back, and Yu Ziyuan is still frowning up at her, though she shuffles further against her side of the car, the heel of her boot catching against the car’s floor.

“Shut the door! It’s freezing out!” Yu Ziyuan demands, though she looks no less like a ruffled cat when Cangse does as she’s told, the car shaking and bouncing as she gets settled into her seat, tracking in mud that neither of them mention. Cangse would get used to the mud, she would have time.

The car starts and Yu Ziyuan reaches into her bag with one hand, pulling out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter, her foot still heavy on the brake. She must feel Cangse looking at her, because Yu Ziyuan looks back, the cigarette between two fingers, “Did your mother not tell you what mine did? It’s fine to smoke, but only in the car.” It’s the driest thing between either of them, but Cangse knows a joke when she hears one, and she doesn’t stop herself from snorting, even as she cracks the window, just enough to let the smoke out and to keep the warmth in. Cangse doesn’t blame Yu Ziyuan for smoking, not since Jiang Yanli’s health had started its downward tick, but it still almost makes her cough, and it still makes her eyes burn.

“I thought you and Jiang Fengmian would have sent Wei Changze after me.” Wei Changze would have been happier to see her, but he would have insisted on helping Cangse with her bags, and Cangse would have had to thank him, but not in the same way she would have thanked Yu Ziyuan, had she offered.

Finally, Yu Ziyuan takes her foot off the brake and they start rolling down the gentle slope of the hill, picking up speed when she finally presses on the gas, the cigarette still held between two fingers. Those fingers are no longer near Yu Ziyuan’s mouth, though. “Wei Changze had to drive A-Li and her father to a doctor’s appointment.” The phrase “A-Li and her father” raises Cangse’s eyebrows, the meaning behind it clear. They were fighting again. She’d seen it during their courtship, during their engagement, even on their wedding day. Or, at least, she’d seen some of their fighting on their wedding day. Wei Changze had carefully pulled her away from that, keeping her hands held tight in both of his.

Cangse sees the smile on her own face in the window’s reflection, but she can’t see the old woman on the train platform anymore, but she doesn’t see another pair of headlights behind Yu Ziyuan’s car, either. She must have gone inside of the office, she’d only stepped out to keep Cangse company after all, hadn’t she?

The woman had been there, and she’d gone inside the station office, where it was warmer and drier, to wait for her son.

“Fengmian wants another baby.” Yu Ziyuan says it suddenly but steadily, the train station behind them growing smaller and smaller in the rearview, the cigarette between her fingers is already halfway burnt. Cangse presses her lips together, but she isn’t surprised. Jiang Yanli was almost five, she was almost five and already needed delicate handling. Jiang Fengmian would want someone he could play with. It still sets Cangse’s teeth on edge.

“What do you want?”

Cangse doesn’t ask the question lightly, nor does she ask it to be cruel, but Yu Ziyuan’s cigarette is almost completely ash by now, only a sliver of white left to see before she stubs it out quickly. Some of the ash blows onto the denim of Cangse’s jacket, but she won’t begrudge Yu Ziyuan for it.

“I think,” Yu Ziyuan starts and stops, loosening her grip on the steering wheel, “I think I’d like a boy.”

~

“He fucking didn’t.” Wen Qing’s voice rings out across the dining room, a coffee cup still held in one of her hands, but Meng Yao doesn’t turn to look at her. The spoon in his hand is too heavy, but he still plays with it, even as Jiang Yanli stands up from where she lingers just inside his line of sight. She’d been lingering like that, since Saturday evening had dripped into Sunday morning like ink, and Meng Yao had pretended that he hadn’t heard Wen Qing tell Jiang Yanli that the bruises on his neck looked self-inflicted.

They weren’t, Jiang Yanli knew that, though she hadn’t said it. It went unsaid that there was no point, but Meng Yao knew that the bruises that had been there, even though they’re fading into nonexistence. He’d hoped… he’d wanted them to be gone by the time Lan Xichen got back, so he wouldn’t have to explain, but his hand still strays up towards his neck, trying to feel for swelling that went down. Jiang Yanli and her constant, too cold, ice pack had seen to that.

“I’m not pulling him out when he gets stuck in the mud again, my whole front end almost came off the last time.” With sleep heavy eyes, Meng Yao can see Jiang Yanli’s hand on the small of Wen Qing’s back, neither of them backing away from the window. They don’t have to worry about being seen, both Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan were already in town, taking care of their own businesses. They rarely came home for lunch. Jiang Yanli had told him that when she’d stepped into his office, refusing to let Meng Yao take his lunch there. Jiang Yanli had gotten stubborn about leaving Meng Yao alone. She’d left his office door open, and lingered like a ghost dressed in blues, and purples, and the occasional yellow or green, or she’d kept him from leaving to the loneliness of his own room.

She’d almost driven him crazy, but he’d been grateful for it. Meng Yao had been grateful for every interruption and every excuse she’d given just to keep him from being alone.

It still hadn’t stopped the nightmares, nor had it stopped the sleepless hours that came in between, but Meng Yao is grateful for every measure Jiang Yanli had gone to. He’d done his best to swallow it all down, but even Yu Ziyuan had called him out for the dark bags under his eyes and the way he’d only picked at his breakfast.

His work still hadn’t suffered because of it, Meng Yao had made sure of that.

“A-Yao,” Jiang Yanli’s voice is as gentle as the hand she puts on his shoulder, shaking him out of his thoughts and making Meng Yao look up at her. He wants to shield his eyes from the brightness that spreads across Jiang Yanli’s face, “You’ll come to the door with us, won’t you? Xichen is back, and he’ll want to see you first, I’m sure of it.” There’s insistence in Jiang Yanli’s voice, her smile wide and bright enough to make Meng Yao think to shield his face from it.

It takes him a moment too long to realize what she’s said, but when he does, Meng Yao is letting the spoon clatter into the bowl as he stands. He doesn’t care if Wen Qing turns to glare at him, he hasn’t cared about that since Saturday evening, but he somehow cares even less now.

Meng Yao can’t help but glance out the window as he walks by, his eyes falling on something light gray and shiny, and tragically just low enough to get caught in the worst of the mud if a storm were to come and swallow them up. Wen Qing’s words make sense now, even if Meng Yao had only been half listening to them. The three of them walk to the front door together, but Jiang Yanli allows Meng Yao to lead, trailing behind with Wen Qing as Lan Xichen beats them to the door, his bag hanging heavy on his shoulder and his keys still jingling in his hand.

Something makes Meng Yao stop short, his throat going tight and the light bruises around it suddenly burning again, as if they were fresh. His hand twitches, but Meng Yao won’t let himself reach up and press his fingers to them, he’d done enough of that when he’d looked into his own reflection, wary of any sudden change that might happen.

Can Lan Xichen see them? Would he have any idea that they had been there? If he doesn’t, Meng Yao won’t tell him, he couldn’t and wouldn’t put that weight on Lan Xichen’s shoulders. He wouldn’t forgive himself if he did, and he couldn’t expect Lan Xichen to either, no matter how much he might want to.

But there’s already a hand pressed against his cheek, a thumb already stroking just underneath Meng Yao’s eye, soft enough that he can’t choke down the pull he feels to wrap his hand around Lan Xichen’s wrist. His own thumb strokes over the rounded bone of Lan Xichen’s wrist. If they hadn’t had an audience, Meng Yao might have pressed a kiss to Lan Xichen’s palm, but he’s too aware of Wen Qing and Jiang Yanli standing at his back, pretending that they don’t see the two of them, just like Meng Yao pretends not to see the two of them in their spare, stolen moments.

“A-Yao,” Lan Xichen starts, a gentle smile spreading across his face, but Meng Yao feels no need to shield his eyes from it. His other hand twitches, wanting to reach up and hold Lan Xichen’s face in return, but the chance is taken away by the sounds of two people bounding down the stairs from where they’d been doing who knows what for how long, only coming down to cut Lan Xichen’s words before they’d even fully formed.

Meng Yao has no energy left to be angry at them for it, nor does he stop Lan Xichen’s hand from slipping away from his face, though their fingers still linger, still clinging to each other by the tips. Something so small shouldn’t settle all the ruffled parts of Meng Yao, but it does. Touching Lan Xichen soothes the frayed ends and soothes the bruises that still burn at Meng Yao’s throat, whether Lan Xichen can see them or not.

It’s easier to follow the group of them to the kitchen this time, to watch as Lan Xichen drinks water from a tall glass that Jiang Yanli gets for him, to watch him lean against the counter, to participate in the flurry of conversation that comes when Lan Xichen returns, a glass of water held in his own hand.

This is a routine that Meng Yao had seen before, but he hadn’t allowed himself to be part of it. He’d tried to stay out of it, and he’d tried hard, but now Meng Yao doesn’t have to force himself to remember Lan Xichen’s name, nor does he feel the prickle of being someone new somewhere old.

He doesn’t stop himself from listing, just a little, after the others leave him alone in the kitchen with Lan Xichen, all the frayed, ruffled, and now soothed parts of him dragging him downwards, until his forehead meets Lan Xichen’s shoulder and fingers press into Meng Yao’s cheek.

“Yanli called me, you know,” Lan Xichen starts gently, stroking the apple of Meng Yao’s cheek with just the tips of his fingers, “she told me what happened.” Meng Yao squeezes his eyes shut. He hadn’t imagined that Jiang Yanli would have told on him, but he might have known that she would, if she’d been pressed. “Let me see?” Lan Xichen asks, and Meng Yao starts. The prickly feeling comes back into his stomach and he hesitates for a moment too long, swallowing thickly. “I won’t make you, A-Yao, but I was worried, I thought…” Lan Xichen doesn’t finish, Meng Yao won’t make him.

Slowly, achingly slowly, Meng Yao makes himself tilt his head back, exposing what remains of the bruises and letting Lan Xichen bend down just a little to look at them. His thumbs press into the sides of Meng Yao’s throat, and he closes his eyes, his own hands clenching and unclenching at his sides. He won’t allow himself to push Lan Xichen away, he would let him be kind.

Lan Xichen deserves to be kind, if he wants to.

“A-Yao,” Lan Xichen whispers, leaning in closer and pressing a kiss to either side of Meng Yao’s neck, “what got ahold of you?” Lan Xichen isn’t looking for an answer, Meng Yao knows, but the words stick in his throat like bones.

Meng Yao doesn’t realize he’s crying until he feels both of Lan Xichen’s hands on his cheeks, his lips on his forehead. There isn’t a breath of space left between them, and Meng Yao finally lets himself set his hands onto Lan Xichen’s hips, asking him to stay close without a word. “I should have been here, I could have…”

“Xichen,” Meng Yao tries to speak, but his voice is already muffled against Lan Xichen’s chest as he’s pulled close and bone crushingly tight. What could he have done? Would he have gone out into the woods and returned with nothing, just like the police had? Would he have tried to open the door from the hall, and would he have gotten the same result that Meng Yao had? Meng Yao presses his face into Lan Xichen’s chest and breathes hard, trying to shake the cold memory of that room off of his skin still.

“A-Huan.” Lan Xichen reminds him softly, fingers stroking gently through his hair now, though his voice is no less serious, “When we’re alone, I’m A-Huan, remember?” Meng Yao nods, but doesn’t dare raise his face from Lan Xichen’s chest, not when Lan Xichen’s whole body is still so comfortingly warm around him, driving whatever miniscule amount of wakefulness away, and making Meng Yao sleepier by the second.

“A-Huan, I missed you.” Meng Yao allows himself to say it finally, no matter how muffled his voice is in Lan Xichen’s oversized sweater. The words twist a wary laugh out of Lan Xichen, the sound of it comforting against the top of Meng Yao’s head.

“I didn’t get around to grading any of the boys’ work that I said I would, that’s how much I missed you.” It pulls at something in Meng Yao’s chest to hear that, his arms sliding up to curl around Lan Xichen’s neck, though he’s almost too short for it. “I would start to, but then I would think about you, and I would think about how you would already have all of this done. I would try again, but the same thing kept happening.”

Despite everything, Meng Yao hears himself chuckle, the point of his chin pressing into the center of Lan Xichen’s chest. For a moment, there’s only quiet and the two of them, clinging to each other like no one else could walk into the kitchen and see them, but then Lan Xichen is speaking again, the sound of him quieter now than it had been before, “I thought we could sneak away a little bit later, that’s why I brought the car. There’s a place down by the cove, Yanli told me how to get there once.”

“You’d take me there?” Meng Yao has to ask, but the words are brittle. Even if Lan Xichen didn’t know how to get there, Meng Yao remembered the walk to the cove well, when he was younger, couples went there for bragging rights, but Meng Yao had never been lured there by some high school boyfriend’s siren call, not once.

“I would.” Lan Xichen answers, pulling away, though only far enough to look into Meng Yao’s eyes before he kisses him, soft and sweet, and far, far too quickly. “Yanli says it’s prettier at night, but I thought we might catch the sunset.”

If Jiang Yanli had gone to the cove… Meng Yao silences that thought with a tiny shake of his head. He wouldn’t think about what Jiang Yanli had done with anyone at the cove, be it Wen Qing or anyone else.

If Lan Xichen took him there, it would be their cove. Theirs and no one else’s.

“Alright.”

[ancientstone]

Random Untamed Alchemist Thoughts: WangXian Edition!

Masterpost

~

Lan ‘Am I having feelings for my childhood friend? No, that’s ridiculous. I must be getting sick. Yes, that is the only explanation’ Wangji

vs

Wei ‘Hey Jiang Cheng, I kinda want to punch Lan Wangji, but like, in a nice way?? Is that weird?? Hey, why are you laughing at me!?’ Wuxian

~

When they were both three, they declared to an amused Lan Xichen that, “When we’re grown up we’re gonna marry each other! We even promised!”

Neither remember this, Lan Xichen never brings it up, and honestly it’s a saving grace that Jiang Cheng was only two at the time, because if he knew then Wei Wuxian would never hear the end of it.

(Lan Xichen will, however, finally bring this story to light during his Best Man’s speech. Lan Wangji all but hides under the table.)

~

Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng have a habit of sparring whenever Wei Wuxian gets fitted with repaired upgraded automail. Lan Wangji will watch them on the porch, arms crossed and eyes critical, to make sure they don’t break his work again and that everything moves as it should.

At least, that’s how it started out.

Recently, when he watches, his brain chants happily: Biceps. Biceps. Biceps. Biceps.

It’s very unhelpful.

~

I’ve mentioned before that some of their biggest arguments are based around Wei Wuxian’s dedication to sacrificing anything to get Jiang Cheng’s body back, but once that’s over and done with, a new kind of disagreement emerges.

On the one hand, you have Lan Wangji, who has been all but single-parenting Sizhui (and then also Jin Ling) with the occasional visit from Wei Wuxian.

And on the other hand, you have Wei Wuxian, now permanently home, trying to parent as well and going against Lan Wangji’s techniques and rules.

Contrary to popular belief, Lan Wangji won’t let Wei Wuxian walk all over him, and while he agrees that letting Lan Sizhui and Jin Ling wander the surrounding countryside will do them some good (accompanied by Fairy, and sometimes Jiang Cheng), schoolwork and automail lessons and cooking dinner and doing their chores are equally important and he will not budge on their established nightly routine of bath, book, bed.

These arguments aren’t really shouting and yelling, more hissed, tense conversations behind closed doors.

~

Everyone debate in the tags: which brother has is worst?

Lan Xichen, who has to deal with Lan Wangji's silent, longing sighs?

Or Jiang Cheng, who has to put up with Wei Wuxian's utter obliviousness?

~

What I’m saying is that after the post-we-got-our-bodies-back saga Wei Wuxian is in bed one night snuggling Wangji with Sizhui curled between them and is suddenly struck with, “Wait. Holy fuck. This is a Thing.”

~

There is a very, very painful year after the two FINALLY become an official couple where Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian don’t really know how to function or how to progress the relationship.

Because their previous bet came to an end now their brothers have Figured It Out, Lan Xichen and Jiang Cheng have make a new one: Who will propose first?

Jiang Cheng wins this bet. I won’t say on who.

~

Ok but in all seriousness let me gush about their wedding.

It’s autumn. Resembool is awash in beautiful hues of red and deep orange. The fields are full of crops, ready to be harvested. The summer months are still lingering, but there’s just an edge of crispness to the air to signal cooler times ahead.

Lan Wangji wears a white suit with a delicate embroidered silver trimming. He stands out like the glowing moon against the autumnal colours, his hair neatly combed into its natural parting (He spent three hours fussing and panicking over it before his brother intervened.)

Wei Wuxian wears a black suit, his long hair braided into something more intricate than his usual style - one that, Jiang Chen will realise with a lump in his throat, mirrors their sister’s on her wedding day. He has red pins in it, the same shade as the small leaf motifs decorating his shirt collar.

Lan Xichen and Jiang Cheng are both in mauve. Lan Sizhui is the ring barer, a duty he takes very seriously. Jin Ling is only allowed to bring Fairy as long as he keeps her on a lead.

If you think Wei Wuxian doesn’t orchestrate it so when he throws his bouquet (red roses), Jiang Cheng catches it, then you do not know Wei Wuxian. 

Jiang Cheng is going to fucking send him back to the gate of truth fuck off Wei Wuxian!!!

Lan Qiren bakes the wedding cake. Later, when the festivities are underway, Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng will sneak away and place a slice on Jiang Yanli’s gravestone. They will also visit the site where their house once was.

The next morning, Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian leave by train for their honeymoon off by the coast.

Unknown to Jiang Cheng and Lan Xichen, they both have a bet on which of their brothers will cry as they leave first.

They both lose when Lan Qiren bursts into tears.

~

[meltingheartsandcores]

This is just something that came from a different story I’m writing, so, it’s just a one shot. And it’s not really editted (sorry). 

 This is A/B/O, with Omega wwx and Alpha lwj, but honestly it doesn’t really show up much, like it’s not a focal point of the story for the most part, it’s just kind of, there. There’s minor NieLan, and past wangxian with hopeful future wangxian (hopeful future IMO), and it’s modern non cultivation!

 Other than that, enjoy? And if you have questions feel free to hop into my inbox.

It had been years.

Five, to be exact.

Wei Wuxian wouldn't lie and say Lan Wangji never entered his mind, he did almost constantly. But he had long accepted he would never see the Alpha again. Lan Qiren had made it rather clear he was to never contact Lan Wangji again.

That hadn't been a pleasant conversation. Well. Argument.

For once Wei Wuxian was glad he was no longer in contact with the Jiangs, even if it wasn’t for long, he'd hate for them to have been involved. He's not entirely sure who's side Madam Yu would've been on, but he hoped she would've been on his. Although, if she was, he's not entirely confident Lan Qiren would still be walking around. Lan Qiren might be a hard ass, but he had nothing on Madam Yu.

He should write Nie Huaisang. See how the Jiang's are doing.

"Are you alright?"

Wei Wuxian blinks, brought back to the present, silently filing the idea to write Nie Huaisang for later, and looks up at Lan Xichen. Who he had just run into. Literally.

Wei Wuxian ignores the hand and stands on his own, "Perfectly. Just distracted. Sorry to bother you." Wei Wuxian says, nodding and turning, deciding he could get A-Yuan's candy later, after the milk. He had made it a few steps before Lan Xichen grabbed his arm. Wei Wuxian tenses, snapping around with a glare on his face before he registers that Lan Xichen isn't going to attack him. Not physically at least. So he lets the glare fall. "Sorry."

Lan Xichen drops his hand, "No, I should not have grabbed you. I apologize." An apology from a Lan. Maybe he died.

A-Yuan would be heartbroken. A-Yu probably doesn't know what Death is and probably wouldn't understand for a few years.

Lan Xichen was talking. Wei Wuxian should be listening, not thinking of his death. Lan Xichen smiles, as he normally does, "You were not listening."

"Sorry. My brain drifts, it pissed your uncle off to end, remember?" Wei Wuxian says, shrugging.

Lan Xichen nods, "Uncle seemed to anger easily around you, yes. I was wondering if you had the time, we could talk. Perhaps over tea?"

He can't ask for alcohol instead. For one, Lans don't drink. For two, he has to pick A-Yu and A-Yuan up in half an hour.

"I have a half hour, I guess we could finish up shopping and go to the Starbucks down the block." Lan Xichen's eyes tighten at the mention of Starbucks, which makes Wei Wuxian remember the heavily disturbed and deer-in-headlight look Lan Wangji had when Wei Wuxian dragged him there. Repeatedly.

Lan Wangji never seemed to get used to Starbucks.

None of the Lans seem to like it either.

Lan Xichen nods though, so Wei Wuxian does a U-turn to grab the candy he promised A-Yuan and then made a bee-line for the two other things he was missing. He loses Lan Xichen at some point, but when he gets to the check out, Lan Xichen is waiting by the door with a bag.

Wei Wuxian smiles at the Cashier, Mingyu, who seemed slightly concerned for him. But Wei Wuxian waves off the concern, even when Mingyu decides to ask, "Is he a friend or should I call security?"

Wei Wuxian considers this, Lan Xichen isn't a friend, but security isn't necessary. Wei Wuxian grins when he comes to a response, that's both honest and fun, "He's Daiyu's uncle." Wei Wuxian informs, finishing with his payment and taking his items. "See you in a week Mingyu!" Wei Wuxian calls as the other man is clearly trying to figure out how he hasn't met this uncle until now.

"A friend?" Lan Xichen asks as they walk down the road.

"Eh, more I'm a regular." Wei Wuxian shrugs. He only talks to Mingyu when he buys groceries. Not much other reason to talk to the teenager.

Especially since he tends to remind Wei Wuxian that, uh, he is only twenty-two.

That's not something he particularly likes to remember. Especially when he's on his way to pick up his kids. He looks older enough that none of the other parents comment on him being A-Yu and A-Yuan's brother, and none of them comment on the utter shame of having a child at seventeen. And presumably fourteen if A-Yuan was actually birthed from him. As he so often jokes, especially after A-Yuan learnt where babies came from.

A-Yuan thinks it's funny.

Wen Qing thinks it's stupid.

But it's meant to entertain the eight year old so it's not a problem.

"So you live around here." Lan Xichen comments, more to himself than to Wei Wuxian, and Wei Wuxian has to mentally curse himself. For five years, no Lan has known where he lived. No one from that life knew where he was except Nie Huaisang. And for all he can be a coward, Wei Wuxian knows he wouldn't have given away his location to anyone.

But he just confirmed to Lan Xichen that he lived in this town.

Fuck.

"What're you doing here?" Wei Wuxian asks, opening the door for Lan Xichen and gesturing for the man to enter the Starbucks. Lan Xichen gives him a tight smile and enters, clearly not liking being inside the store.

Tough. Wei Wuxian doesn't want to be having this conversation, neither of them get to be comfortable. Wei Wuxian follows Lan Xichen in, walking up to the register and ordering a drink with a smile before turning to Lan Xichen for his order. Which he gives with a tense smile. The barista nods, repeats the order back and then Lan Xichen pays, because this was his idea and Wei Wuxian would much rather be at home right now.

They amble over to a table to wait for their drinks to be made. Well. Lan Xichen got his at the till since it was just a Green Tea, but they have to wait for Wei Wuxian's. Might as well get this chat over with.

"The Nie have a lakehouse a mile out of town." Oh right. Oh fuck. "Mingjue and I are having a little vacation." Lan Xichen says in response to his earlier question.

"And you came to get some groceries."

"Just a little. Mingjue will be back for the rest." Lan Xichen winces when he sips at his tea, clearly not liking it. He sets his cup aside, "You know, Huaisang seemed very against us going to this partical vacation house."

Oh for fucks sake. "Huaisang's specialty isn't subtly." Wei Wuxian says with a shrug, then stands and gets his drink when the barista calls out his name.

Lan Xichen waits for him to sit back down. "No, it isn't. Might I ask, why Huaisang knows where you are when no one else does?"

"I don't like the Jin. I don't want to burden the Jiang. The Lan want nothing to do with me." Wei Wuxian shrugs, "Nie Huaisang is the only friend I have left." Outside of the friends he now lives with. Wei Wuxian sips at his flat white.

Lan Xichen's brows twitch in a furrow before smoothing out, "What do you mean we want nothing to do with you.

Wei Wuxian raises an eyebrow, "Was there a part of Lan Qiren's order that was unclear?"

Wei Wuxian's response only seems to confuse him further. "I believe, there has been some miscommunication." Lan Xichen suggests politely.

"Not really." Wei Wuxian refutes. "Lan Qiren told me to get the fuck out and never contact any of you again. Not much room for miscommunication."

"He said what?" Lan Xichen asks, sounding light and a little confused. But Wei Wuxian had spent enough time around Lan Wangji, and hence Lan Xichen since Lan Xichen was Lan Wangji's favoured company, to know he was getting very pissed off.

Huh.

Wei Wuxian shrugs, too little too late, in his opinion. It's been five years. "It was shortly after I left the Jiang, I went to stay with Lan- Wangji." Wei Wuxian catches himself before using the familiar address. Lan Xichen seemed to catch the slip up too. "Just for the night. The departure went a little more explosively than I meant for it to, I came to spend the night. Lan Qiren told me to leave and never return, that Lan Wangji wanted nothing more to do with me. Not to contact anyone in the family. Obviously I argued, but I had already argued with Madam Yu and Uncle Jiang that night, so, he won. I left. And then a week later he sent me two hundred thousand Yuan." That wasn't a pleasant night to remember. It wasn't a pleasant week. He found out he was pregnant, then the Wen shit happened, and he was moving across the country with Wen Ning and his family. Wei Wuxian shrugs again, drinking his flat white.

Lan Xichen's brow furrows slowly, and he shakes his head, "I'm sorry, Uncle told us nothing about this. All Wangji and I have known is that you left the Jiang and disappeared. Wangji certainly didn't say anything about not wanting your company anymore." Lan Xichen seemed offended at the very idea.

Oh.

Huh.

Lan Wangji doesn't hate him.

Oh fuck.

Lan Wangji doesn't hate him.

But he probably will. When he tells him about A-Yu.

Fuck.

"Is everything okay?" Lan Xichen asks, making clear that Wei Wuxian's panic is clear on his face.

"Um." Wei Wuxian swallows, twisting the paper cup in his hands, "In theory. If, uh, when I left, I had been uh," No. Nope. He can't think of a good way to say this. He checks the time. "Uh, do you have twenty minutes?"

"I'm supposed to meet with Mingjue in ten."

"Great. Uh. Meet me at the park with the giant octopus sculpture in fifteen, bring Da ge, I need to drop my groceries off at my house." Wei Wuxian doesn't wait for Lan Xichen to agree, picking up his groceries and hurrying out.

When he gets home, he dumps the groceries on the counter, giving Wen Qing a quick, "Lan Xichen's in town and he's metting A-Yu and A-Yuan, see you in fiften minutes. Thanks bye!" before running back out, not responding to her shout of 'what' that followed.

When he gets to the octopus sculpture, he doesn't have to wait long fo Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue to show up, thankfully. He bounces over to them, the nervous energy coursing through him a little too much to keep still. "Hi Dage."

"Wuxian." Nie Mingjue greets, as if Wei Wuxian hasn't been off the grid for five years and was still popping into his house every other weekend to do weird shit with Nie Huaisang.

Nice to know somethings don't change.

"What is it you wanted to show us?" Lan Xichen asks politely.

"Um, this way." Wei Wuxian takes them to the school, which was only a few minutes away.

"A school." Nie Mingjue deadpans.

Wei Wuxian looks at the other parents waiting, a few of them looking back at the group with furrowed brows. One of the mothers makes a very harsh 'come here' gesture, so Wei Wuxian turns to Nie Mingjue and Lan Xichen, "Uh, I'll be right back. Don't move." He was clearly confusing the pair, but they nod so he rushes off to Mrs. Yang.

"Is that Daiyu's father? Other father?" Mrs. Yang demands, almost glaring at Lan Xichen.

"It's his older brother." Wei Wuxian corrects with a tight smile. "Please don't go yell at him."

"Oh, his family decides it's okay for you to raise a child for five years on your own, and I shouldn't yell?" Mrs. Yang demands, already gearing up to go.

"Uh, I'm, about to tell him Daiyu exists."

Mrs. Yang blinks, clearly taken aback. "Wei Wuxian." Wei Wuxian flinches at her tone, oh no. He's in trouble. "Did you not tell the Alpha family you were pregnant?"

"In my defence," because he needed one if he wanted to survive, "their uncle had already told me their family wanted nothing to do with me before he found out I had gotten pregnant. I don't think that opinion would've been changed in my favour. Given we were seventeen, and unmated."

Mrs. Yang hmphs, but nods. "Fine. But if he seems anything less than overjoyed, I'll be having words."

"Yes Mrs. Yang. Thank you." Wei Wuxian says, nodding. He meant it. Mrs. Yang was one of the more supportive parents. Like Granny Wen she had more or less started treating him like family.

It probably helped that her eldest was only two years younger than Wei Wuxian.

Wei Wuxian smiles and then hurries back to Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue as the elder grades started to be let out.

"I'm sorry, do you babysit?" Lan Xichen asks, clearly very confused. Nie Mingjue doesn't seem to be much better.

"Uh. Sometimes." Wei Wuxian shrugs, "Not today." His answer only served further confusion, but he wasn't paying much attention to the pair. Instead to his incoming missile.

"Xian-gege!" Wen Yuan yells, and Wei Wuxian picks up the eight-year old as the boy had launched himself at Wei Wuxian.

"A-Yuan! My, I think you've grown!"

Wen Yuan pouts, "You saw me this morning gege! I haven't grown at all!"

Wei Wuxian shakes his head, "Hmm, nope! You've grown a full inch! I know it."

"No! A-Yuan hasn't grown at all!" Wen Yuan counters, pouting more deeply. Ah, not in the mood to be teased today. Okay.

"Ah, ah yes. A-Yuan is correct." Wei Wuxian agrees, and puts A-Yuan down. "A-Yuan, this is Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue. They're old friends." Wei Wuxian introduces.

Wen Yuan was half through a bored wave when he actually looked at Nie Mingjue and his eyes utterly lit up. "You're so tall!"

Nie Mingjue barely blinked, very used to this reaction, but he seemed delighted at A-Yuan's very prescence. "Yes." Seeing as A-Yuan was practically vibrating, Wei Wuxian gently encourages him, and really that was all that was necessary before A-Yuan was attached to Nie Mingjue's leg and asking a million questions a minute.

Nie Mingjue seemed amused, and politely answered every question he caught.

With A-Yuan distracted, Wei Wuxian looks around the schoolyard for his other charge. Normally Daiyu would be attached to his leg by now. He finally spots her hiding by a tree, or, behind a tree. Her eyes widen when they meet his, and he waves her over. She hesitates, but eventually decides to come over. She walks, and then runs the last little bit, entirely hiding behind Wei Wuxian's legs, peeking a little to look at Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue.

Lan Xichen had frozen.

As expected, given Daiyu's golden eyes.

"Daiyu, this is Nie Mingjue and Lan Xichen. Lan Xichen is your Bobo." Daiyu seemed very doubtful of that, making almost the exact same expression Lan Wangji did when Wei Wuxian had tried to convince him necromancy was a perfectly viable career path. Wei Wuxian would like to be offended. "I'm telling the truth."

"I thought Baba's family didn't want anything to do with us." Daiyu counters, doubt clear.

Ai. Who told her that? They didn't but still. "Who told you that?"

"Qing-jie."

...Ok. Wei Wuxian wasn't going to yell at Wen Qing for telling Daiyu that. Even if he wanted to. He was going to call her a liar.

"Well, she's wrong." Wei Wuxian crouches, turning to pick Daiyu up before standing straight. "It's complicated, and something I'll talk to you about in private. But Lan Xichen hasn't been able to be around until now."

Daiyu narrows her eyes but shrugs, "Fine." She didn't sound fine. But Wei Wuxian was not about to argue with a five year old. Not in public.

"Ok. Lan Xichen, Nie Mingjue, this is Wei Daiyu."

"Hi."

"Hello."

Daiyu looks at Wei Wuxian before responding, "Hello."

Well. This was awkward. And Lan Xichen looked like he was about to faint. "Why don't we go to the park?" A-Yuan seemed all for that idea. A-Yu looked like she'd rather not but when Wei Wuxian put her down she ran with A-Yuan toward the park. Wei Wuxian lead the adults in following after them.

While the kids played at the Octopus park, Wei Wuxian and Lan Xichen sat down at a bench, as Wen Yuan had dragged Nie Mingjue into their game.

"You were pregnant."

Wei Wuxian nods. "Lan Qiren didn't know. I, didn't know, until a week after that argument." Wei Wuxian shrugs, "I took Lan Qiren's words to heart, and didn't contact Lan Zhan about her."

"But you told Huaisang." Lan Xichen states.

Wei Wuxian blinks, "Huaisang doesn't know. I only talk to Huaisang for updates on the Jiang." And other things, but, mostly the Jiang. Once or twice Lan Wangji, but not all that often. He probably wouldn't take it well if Nie Huaisang sent back that Lan Wangji had gotten married.

"You, didn't tell anyone?"

"Nope. You're the first person outside of this town that knows." Wei Wuxian shrugs, and Lan Xichen just, stops. Wei Wuxian worries he's broken him, but soon enough Lan Xichen shakes his head.

"I can't- Apologies, this is a lot to process."

"How do you think Lan Zhan will react?" He's expecting anger. That's what some of the other omegan parents tell him to expect, whenever he considers sending Lan Wangji a message about Daiyu. No Alpha ever takes a pup being kept from them well. That's what they always say.

Lan Xichen's eyes widen, then he winces slightly, "I imagine, you are the not the one to worry about Wangji's reaction." Eh? "I'm sure he'll be happy. Saddened to have missed her first few years, but happy none the less."

Wei Wuxian opens and closes his mouth, trying to figure how to phrase his question before giving up and just asking, "Is he with anyone?"

Lan Xichen blinks and turns to look at Wei Wuxian, confused for a moment before understand dawns and he shakes his head slightly, "No. Uncle has tried for arrangements, but Wangji refuses them all. but I'm certain if you contact him, he'll be happy to see you." (Lan Xichen does not mention that he's rather confident Lan Wangji will immediately run to Wei Wuxian's side and help in raising Daiyu if Wei Wuxian even hints that that is what he wants. That seems a little much for right now.)

Wei Wuxian nods, not entirely believing that, but not willing to argue. "Now I just have to get Daiyu to come around." He did not expect his daughter to be the stickler here. Then again, Wen Qing had made her opinion on Lan Qiren years ago and wasn't quiet about it.

"She's aware of what Uncle said?" Lan Xichen asks.

Wei Wuxian shakes his head, "Uh, my friend, Wen Qing, yeah, that Wen Qing, I'm living with her family, long story, anyways, Wen Qing knows, and she holds very unfavourable opinions about it and she's not quiet about them. So, even if Daiyu doesn't know the full story, Wen Qing has given her enough to go on that she's formed her own, unfavourable opinion." Wei Wuxian shrugs, he couldn't really argue against it. Up until half an hour ago, he was rather confident the Lan's hated him and wanted nothing to do with him.

Now he has to explain a five year misunderstanding to his daughter.

Fun.

“I have to tell Wangji what you just told me.” Lan Xichen states, clearly not looking forward to that conversation.

Wei Wuxian shrugs, “It’s Lan Zhan, he’ll make a displeased face and not talk for a week.” It wasn’t that big of deal. Lan Wangji doesn’t do grudges, not really. At least, he didn’t five years ago.

Lan Xichen’s face was pure pity, which Wei Wuxian didn’t understand but it was gone before Wei Wuxian could formulate a question. “Do you want us around or shall we leave you alone?”

Oh. Wei Wuxian hadn’t considered that. “Um, maybe leave us alone for tomorrow? I guess I can give you my number and, if A-Yu is agreeable you guys can hang around. If it won’t mess up your vacation.” Because, who wants to spend their vacation with their little brother’s ex and daughter?

“That would be wonderful.” Lan Xichen says, pulling out his own phone and letting Wei Wuxian type in his number. Wei Wuxian then texts himself so he’d have the number on his phone too. “We should be getting back, I believe Mingjue wanted to stop by the butcher and they close at five.”

“Yes, they do. Because he needs to eat supper and spend time with his kids.” He kne Changpu, he was nice. Stodgy, but nice.

Lan Xichen nods and stands up, walking over to the playing trio and speaking quietly to Mingjue, he bids goodbye to the children, before the pair start walking away, they wave goodbye to Wei Wuxian, which he returns, and then they disappear.

Then, Daiyu runs up to him, “A-Niang, does that mean A-Die doesn’t hate us? Will he come live with us? Will we see Xi-bo a lot? Are they going to live with us? Like Granny and Uncle Four?”

Fuck.

Upon returning to the cabin, Lan Xichen’s day wasn’t going any better. Nie Mingjue was cooking supper, so Lan Xichen was alone with the decision to call Lan Wangji about Wei Wuxian. Obviously, he would. How much to say though?

Wangji, as it turns out, would make that decision for him.

After exchanging greetings, Lan Xichen barely got out, “So I ran into Wei Wuxian today in the city near where Mingjue and I are vacationing.” Before the call was dropped. Lan Xichen blinked, staring at his phone where it said ‘Call Ended’, meaning Wangji hung up on him. Lan Wangji hung up without a word. Without letting Lan Xichen finish. He was never so rude. He normally at least made a sound to indicate a goodbye. Nie Mingjue laughed at him when Lan Xichen explained why he was so flabbergasted.

Lan Wangji showed up the next morning.

[ibijau]

40. Pride parade. Wangxian go, Jiang Cheng (and juniors?) go to be supportive, and may or may not enjoy themselves. --HLS (resend to sign it)

Oops, this ended up being pretty much 0% about wangxian, and 100% about Jiang Cheng and his litter of adopted nephews!

Jiang Cheng leans against the kitchen counter, arms crossed on his chest.

“I just don’t get why I have to go. Wei Wuxian and his giant ice cube are already going, can’t they keep an eye on the kids?”

Jiang Yanli gives him A Look from over the snacks she’s preparing, and Jiang Cheng can’t help a small grimace.

“Ok. Point taken. But that was ten years ago, I’m sure he’d be more careful these days.”

“Would he, now?” Jiang Yanli retorts as she starts putting the snacks into individual little fabric bags, alongside small water bottles. “He’s going to his first Pride since coming out, with his brand new boyfriend who he’s been in love with for over ten years… an even that is loud and bright, might I add, and you think he’ll stay focused enough to keep an eye on the kids?”

Jiang Cheng grunts, refusing to acknowledge defeat, and pinches the bridge of his nose.

“Why do the kids have to go anyway? I’ve seen Pride on tv, it’s hardly child friendly. There’s all those…”

He starts miming for breasts, then remembers who he’s talking to and quickly drops his hands. Jiang Yanli, damn her, bursts out laughing at his embarrassment.

“Jin Ling is fourteen, if he can’t see breasts without thinking they’re sexual, I’ve done a poor job of raising him.” She looks at the table, and nods with satisfaction at the little care bags she’s prepared before turning her entire attention to Jiang Cheng. “Listen, they want to support A-Xian, and I think that’s wonderful of them. I also think they’re all at a questioning age, and it’s good for them to see there’s a whole community out there, should they need it.”

Jiang Cheng sighs, but nods. Jin Ling is… Well, Wei Wuxian is probably not the only bisexual in the family, that’s for sure. And then, there’s Jin Ling friend from school, the one who now asks to be called Zizhen but only where her (his? their?) parents can’t hear it.

That whole little group is frequently crashing at Jiang Cheng’s place, because he is, apparently, the cool uncle. What that mostly means is that he’s got a big tv, several consoles, and too much soda in his fridge, which Jin Ling and his friends love. But he’s also the first adult who was brought into the Zizhen situation, and while he doesn’t get that stuff, he knows Zizhen always had that small smile when someone says that name instead of the old one, and Jiang Cheng has come to hold the odd belief that kids should, in fact, be happy.

“It’s just for a few hours,” Jiang Yanli says, handing him one of her little care bags. “And who knows, maybe you’ll have fun?”

-

For the hundredth time this afternoon, Jiang Cheng does a headcount. Jin Ling, Lan Sizhui, Lan Jingyi, Ouyang Zizhen… 

They’ve lost Wei Wuxian and his iceberg boyfriend a little while ago, but that’s not Jiang Cheng’s problem. Those two are grown adults, and Jiang Cheng is sure they can take care of themselves. Knowing them, they’re either making out somewhere or fighting with some homophobic assholes trying to ruin everyone’s good time.

Quite possibly they’re making out in front of homophobes, because Wei Wuxian does love to multitask like that.

But that’s not Jiang Cheng’s problem. Jiang Cheng’s problem is to keep an eye on four excited teenagers who look like they want to run off in different directions, and keep chatting with strangers just so they can get a collection of flyers about different identities, like they’re window shopping for a label.

“Can’t you kids stay put for five seconds?” Jiang Cheng growls, grabbing Jin Ling by the collar when he starts darting to the side.

“But that’s the people from Aven!” Jin Ling retorts, pointing at some weirdos in purple, grey and black. “Sizhui, didn’t you say someone from your club mentioned Ace people a while back?”

Lan Sizhui suddenly gets that very intense look on his face and nods firmly while staring at that group in purple. That actually surprises Jiang Cheng. Lan Sizhui is a good two years older than the other kids, though he’s still in the same class as the rest because of health problems when he was little. He’s a quiet kid, who doesn’t make any waves, and in spite of being Lan Wangji’s son, Jiang Cheng likes him and thinks he’s very reasonable. He wouldn’t have expected Lan Sizhui to be shopping like the others for an identity, but if he is…

“Then we’re all going to go there,” Jiang Cheng barks. “As a group, like you guys promised. Nobody runs off on his own!”

Everyone nods, trying to look guilty but ultimately too excited to mind the scolding. Ouyang Zizhen has a particularly wide grin on his face. But then, he’s been like that since someone gave him a little blue, pink and white sticker with a ‘male’ symbol on it which he stuck on his chest. He looks so proud of himself, and Jiang Cheng kind of sees the point of this whole parade now.

So they all head toward the purple people, and Lan Sizhui gets to ask a few questions while Jiang Cheng browses the flyers for this newest of identities he’d never heard about before.

It says “An asexual person does not experience sexual attraction – they are not drawn to people sexually and do not desire to act upon attraction to others in a sexual way. Unlike celibacy, which is a choice to abstain from sexual activity, asexuality is an intrinsic part of who we are, just like other sexual orientations.” and Jiang Cheng forgets how to breathe for a second because that’s…

He didn’t expect there was a word for that.

He’s always figured he’s just picky, or that he’s weird. He’s dated a few people here and there, women mostly but a few men as well, just to see if that was what didn’t feel right, only to always break off when his partners started asking for more. He’d tried that whole sex thing even, only to find that even if it was nice, he’d rather have been cuddling in front of a movie, or playing a video game. He’d thought there was a problem with him, but…

But there’s a word for that.

There’s a word for it and maybe Jiang Cheng isn’t a weirdo after all, no more than Wei Wuxian who used to feel so guilty about looking at other men as well as women, no more than Lan Wangji who only likes men (though Lan Wangji is definitely a weirdo for other reasons).

There’s a word for how Jiang Cheng is, and there are other people like him, and…

“Jiujiu, are you ok?” Jin Ling suddenly asks.

Jiang Cheng startles, the little purple flyer crumbled in his hand, and finds four pairs of eyes staring at him with open concern.

Good kids, all of them, and Jiang Cheng feels so light all of a sudden that he nearly tries to hug them all.

“I’m fine,” he says instead, before waving the flyers he’s holding. “That stuff, that’s… is there anywhere I could read more about that?” he asks the volunteer handing out the papers.

The young man smiles.

“We’ve got a website for information,” he explains, pointing to the back of the flyer. “And it has a forum attached if you want to ask questions or chat with people. Are these your kids?”

“He’s the communal Jiujiu,” Ouyang Zizhen announces proudly. “Jin Ling shares him with all of us.”

They all laugh at that, even Jiang Cheng, though Jin Ling complains he never agreed to this.

They stay a little longer with those Asexuality people, because Lan Sizhui has a few more questions, then eventually move on because there’s more identity window shopping to be done.

For the rest of the day, Jiang Cheng keeps touching that flyer which he shoved in his pocket.

There’s a word for it, and he’s not alone.

[stiltonbasket]

for want of a way (fic preview!)

by stiltonbasket

After the discussion conference at Koi Tower, Lan Xichen asks Wei Wuxian to prove Jin Guangyao’s crimes with Empathy instead of searching for evidence on his own.

Naturally, this changes things.

When darkness falls over the jingshi, Wei Wuxian slumps over the low table in Lan Zhan’s receiving room and works his way through a stack of fried dough and two pots of Emperor’s Smile. It tastes just as good as he remembers; the flavor is as mildly sweet and mellow as it was when he was fifteen, and the light, sharp zing that lingers on his breath after he swallows it down reminds him of sunlit afternoons spent splashing in Gusu’s icy streams while he cut Lan Qiren’s etiquette classes.

“Don’t worry, Lan Zhan,” he says drowsily. Lan Zhan is sitting with his back to him, halfway through a meditation session, and Wei Wuxian is very sure that his friend’s odd mood is due to Zewu-jun’s refusal to take their report from the Jinlintai as fact. Wei Wuxian understands why, of course; Jin Guangyao is Lan Xichen’s sworn brother, and a fellow sect leader, and Lan Xichen can hardly move against him after hearing accusation with no witnesses to support it. 

But more evidence will appear sooner or later, and Zewu-jun will surely take action then, so why worry now? 

“Lan Zhan?”

Lan Zhan makes a dismissive sort of sound and opens his eyes. “How is your wound?” he asks, leaping so far away from the matter at hand that Wei Wuxian stares at him in question. “Is it better?”

Wei Wuxian submits to the awkward process of having his wound bathed and his bandages changed before returning to the subject of Zewu-jun and Jin Guangyao. “He’s your own da-ge,” he insists, when Lan Zhan brings him a fresh set of robes to wear to bed. “He’ll come around, just wait.”

His zhiji opens his mouth (probably to tell Wei Wuxian that Zewu-jun has no reason to believe them, or that Jin Guangyao must have taken care to cover his tracks so that his beloved er-ge would never learn of his misdeeds) but a soft knock sounds at the door before he can say anything, and Lan Zhan slides it open to reveal Lan Xichen’s slender figure standing against the moonlight. 

“Forgive my intrusion, Wangji,” Lan Xichen murmurs, inclining his head briefly to his brother. “Wei-gongzi, may I speak with you for a moment?”

“Of course!” Wei Wuxian says cheerfully, sitting up straight and bowing to Lan Xichen in return. “I am at your service, Zewu-jun.”

“You must not agree if it would do you harm,” the older man replies, astonishing Wei Wuxian so much that he nearly falls back into Lan Zhan’s bed. “But in Tanzhou, you mentioned that Empathy was developed for use upon spirits. Would it be possible to perform it on a living person?”

Taken aback, Wei Wuxian nods. “It would depend on the person in question, but in theory--yes.”

“Then could I perform Empathy upon you, to see what you witnessed for myself?”

Wei Wuxian swears under his breath. “I can’t believe we didn’t think of that before,” he mutters, getting to his feet and rushing over to stand near Lan Xichen in the middle of the jingshi’s front room. “Yes, certainly. And it wouldn’t harm me at all, since you wouldn’t even be seeing my memories, for the most part.”

Lan Xichen sinks gracefully down to the floor, folding his white-swathed legs beneath him before stretching out his hands to Wei Wuxian. Wei Wuxian takes them, and Lan Zhan goes to his qin, ready to break them out of the spell if it should be necessary.

And then--just like that--they begin.