sturnluvs · 4 months ago
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Hair pull -Nathan doe
You guys were hanging out with Nick Chris Matt and Madi and the rest of the party larray Colby etc .
You were talking with larray and tara. When suddenly larray asked how good your boyfriend is in bed and you could lie
“He’s amazing in bed . I can’t go into detail but I’m left in tears to say the least” you whisper so your boyfriend Nate doesn’t hear
“I bet he’s that good I see you with new hickies everyday” larray says
“What can I say my man knows how to please a woman like me”
“Can I borrow him for a night” Tara said jokingly
“Excuse me”
“What” Tara says confused
“Idc if you say it’s a joke you can’t ask to borrow your best friend’s boyfriend that dick belongs to me it’s to big for your 4’1 foot tall little pussy babe so you can find a new man . Plus he’s just gonna say my pussys better than mine and no wonder Jake broke up with you he left you for a bigger tit bitch with a bigger pussy!”
Tara stood there and shock and nick and the guys escorted her out of the house
It’s your house so you can kick her out and you’d do as that
Everyone looked at you . As your mad and you walk upstairs. Nate follows and they kick Tara out of the party
“Whoa babe what’s happened”
“Tara just asked if she can “borrow” you
Fri the night and I lashed out”
“Listen to me .i will never get her or any other girl borrow my dick and your pussy is perfect you have to understand that ok”
“Can you fuck me”
“I’d love to but your upset”
“Just fuck me and I’ll feel better please”
“Y/n we can talk this out your upset”
“You either fuck me and make me feel better or I’ll take matters into my own hands
You kiss him and he kisses back
As he was taking off his shirt you brake the kiss and took your (his ) shirt off with your biker shorts . You kneeled down and pulled his pants down along with boxers
“Already hard hmh”
“I can’t wait to please you princess”
You give his tip a kiss and stand up
You guys kiss and he pushes you on your bed his dick against your wet entrance
He pulls your legs and lifts them up on his shoulders . He teases you with his tip and pushes in slowly .
“Fuck” you mumble
He pushes in all the way letting you adjust
“You can move”
He does so at a slow pace
he suddenly pulls out
“What why” you cry
“On your hands and knees now . I’m gonna fuck you so hard”
“Videotape it and send it to Tara”
“Gladly”
He pushes in your and he grabs a fist full of your hair .
You bit your lip to contain your moan but you let it out
“Oh fuck yes fuck Nate fuck”
“You like that huh princes” smacks your ass
“Faster daddy please” your head digs into the pillow
As he goes faster . He feels have to cum
“Do you have to come baby”
“Yes please fuck”
“Go head my love”
He pulls out quickly and puts his tongue out to eat you out . Your cum on his tongue.
As he eats you out your cursing . Forgetting everyone is downstairs
“Nate i forgot everyone is downstairs”
“Don’t worry about that honey I told them that had to go because you weren’t feeling well”
“Nate that’s rude I didn’t even say goodbye”
“Any last words before I tie your mouth shut huh”
You shake your head
“That’s my girl”
Your muffled moans and tears rolling down your face and your makeup ruined
“Any better y/n” he takes the tie off your mouth
“Yeah a lot better tho I won’t be able a work tomorrow”
“Good because remember that double date we planned with Chris and Madi
(No disrespect of their friendship they are just dating for the story!. Only story hopefully Chris will have a different girl for his fics but for the others and when I mention Chris (mostly Nate) it will be Madi)
“Yeah no baby I can’t”
“Well you are”
He kisses you on your forehead
“Gn y/n”
“Gn Nathan”
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percontaion-points · 1 month ago
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TBWSIMBW chapter 19
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Today's review might be difficult for some; reader discretion is advised
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Click to see the rest of the snark & image descriptions
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Click here for the rest of the series!
Chapter 19
“How have you been, Amber? I’ve been trying to see you for years but your brother wouldn’t let me,” he stated, sneering on the word brother. 
He’d been trying to see me and Jake didn’t tell me? Why the hell wouldn’t he tell me something like that? Knowing Jake, he probably thought he was protecting me. I looked at Johnny’s mother for help; she was putting the medicine bottle back now. 
“I’ve been fine, thank you,” I answered. I glanced down at my phone, it was still trying to connect, Johnny wasn’t answering. Damn it! 
STOP MAKING POLITE CONVERSATION AND STOP TRYING TO HAVE OTHER PEOPLE SAVE YOU!! FUCKING LEAVE!!
 I came here in Johnny’s car so I didn’t want to just run out of the house with nowhere to go.
Literally anything else would be better than a man who made it perfectly clear right now that he’d like you in his bed. 
“I’m going. You coming, Liam?” Jake asked, heading for the door. Oh hell no! I couldn’t let them get in trouble! 
Liam lifted me off of his lap and sat me on the sofa. “Watch her,” he said to Johnny sternly, as he stood up to leave.
The dude still doesn’t know what’s going on, and took Amber around their shitty, rapist father. AND YOU WANT JOHNNY TO BABYSIT AMBER AS SHE HAS A PANIC ATTACK?!
“He’s doing it again. He’s hit Johnny and his mom a few times,” Jake growled, looking disgusted. Damn it! I told Jake we should have called the police instead of just kicking him out, but he insisted he didn’t want Amber to go through that. And now he was doing it to someone else!
To the surprise of literally nobody… 
I’d like the record to state that if Jake and Amber had told Johnny how shitty that his step-dad was from the get-go, they could have avoided ALL of this.
“My mom was talking about leaving him last year. Then we moved here instead. She said it was a fresh start and that we should all start over, but it hasn’t helped,” Johnny said sadly.
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but moving isn’t going to magically resolve your problems. If your husband is beating you in City A, he’s still going to beat you in City B. 
If anything, moving is probably going to make things worse. Because now you’re in a new place, where you likely don’t know anybody. This is to the benefit of your abuser, who wants you so isolated, with nowhere to go. 
“I’m not feeling well, so I’m not going. I’ve asked Casey to drive you because Liam’s with the scouts,” he said quietly. 
Uh-huh. Amber is stupider than I thought if she believes that Liam is “meeting with scouts” and her brother is “sick”. 
“Yeah? Johnny’s sick too. He called me this morning,” Kate said, pouting.
I would be screaming “DANGER, DANGER!!” But like… They’re going to go kick their shitty dad’s ass again. So I kind of don’t care. 
My stomach felt queasy and I couldn’t even force anything down for lunch. Great, now I’m getting sick! 
The reviews warned that this was coming, so excuse me if I go and preemptively beat my head against the wall. 
“Everything’s OK now. Don’t worry, he can’t hurt you anymore,” I said sternly.
Except for when he comes home and his wife and children are gone, and goes storming over to the place where he used to live to try and find them. (Because Amber and Jake have been living in the same house their father bought.)
Like yes, the leaving aspect is the hardest part. But you’re not out of the woods yet. 
Damn, I was so hot! My lips and fingers were tingling; I started to feel a little dizzy.
Chapter 19 summary: Both Stephan and Ruby are surprised to see Amber in their house. Ruby says that they came home early because Matt is sick. She starts to tend to the baby. The absolute nanosecond she’s gone, Stephan tries to hit on his daughter again. Amber knees him and runs up to Johnny’s room, where she has a panic attack. Without understanding what’s going on, Johnny is quick to get her out of there. 
Back home, she tells Liam and Jake what happened, and has to stop them from going over there to beat Stephan up again. She falls asleep in Liam’s arms, and then we have a POV switch. As she’s asleep, Johnny confesses that Stephan has been beating up on him and his mum… But not the baby… Yet. Liam and Jake swear Johnny to secrecy around Amber; that it would only make her even more upset than she already is. 
Later, Amber gets the feeling that Johnny, Liam, and Jake are keeping secrets from her. One day, all three of them make some paper-thin excuse about not being able to go to school that day. When Amber gets home from school, she finds Ruby and Matt there, along with a bunch of suitcases. They explain that they helped Ruby to pack everything up while Stephan was away on a business trip. 
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beshrew-my-very-heart · 3 years ago
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also this!! 👀
I wanted to write a huge thing about The Thorn between Two Roses, but I couldn’t find a way to make the words come out correctly. XD So, I’m going to keep working on that, but in the mean time:
The Allegory of the Janitor’s Closet:
So, I was trying to take part in a challenge when I wrote these three stories. It was a list of AUs, and I added another caveat that I would have a different Kurt-ship in each one. (If you look at the series, you can see that I /immediately/ failed, but that’s neither here nor there xD)
Unfortunately, I quickly ran out of reasonable pairings. By the time I got to Zombie AU, I was like “Okay, find me another man to ship Kurt with please. Let me consult the list of character names— huh. Stoner Brett. And they were on screen together!”
And then I followed that up with “Okay, this would be really easy to do as a crack fic, but… what if I treat the matter entirely seriously. Obviously we can’t have actual zombies, but Brett—Drugs—Hallucinations is a pretty solid through line. And Brett has to be a tragic character, of course.”
And the story kind of flowed from there. I set it in Season Three, because… I mean, let’s be honest, if someone was going to drug Kurt to try and take him out of the running for Sectionals, it’d be Sebastian. I moved forward Blaine’s crush on Sam, because… when you’re trying to write 25 AU fics about a guy who usually has a boyfriend, you need to start finding ways to break them up, and I do like Blaine to come out the other side with something.
Lauren gets a cameo as “tangential Glee Club member who is too bad-ass to die in a zombie apocalypse.” And she is completely done with this buffoonery, which I love.
False Prophet:
False Prophet was the AU for Fake Psychic, and this was an entirely random combination. I usually avoid Finn dying in fics as much as possible, but as I started to write, I was like “Oh, of course, this one is all about grief for Kurt. Grief about the loss of his brother, the loss of his marriage, the loss of his career. He doesn’t really care about himself any more at the start of this fic, beyond the knowledge that he has a staff that relies on him to keep making them money.
And then in comes Jake, who… doesn’t have that trauma. He knew Finn, knew Blaine, but he’s moved on with his life. He’s lived it well, down to some luck, and then his brother asks him to mess up someone’s day. And he gets there, and he sees Kurt and… He recognizes that something is broken. That Kurt stopped living his life, and now he’s just surviving. Puck was never prepared to be the duct tape holding together someone’s life, he was never even good at doing it for his own life and…
Yeah, it’s a story about learning to live again. And I know that sounds so over the top and dramatic, but I kinda stand by it?
Oh, also, the season 4 newbies tried out every relationship combination in this universe, and Kurt has to learn to deal with the fact that he lives in a commune with all his boyfriend’s exes.
Also, Ryder being the only one with a car, was definitely a reference to the whole “with our powers combined we form… one functioning adult!” comic.
(It’s 6AM, so I’m stopping here for now, but let me offer you some of the unwritten AUs from that event that never got wrote/finished:
Penpals AU - Kurt/Matt
Vampire AU - Kurt/Eliot
Bounty Hunter AU - Kurt/Brody
CEO/Boss AU - Kurt/ Jesse
Drama Class AU - Kurt/Sebastian
Parallel Universe AU - Kurt/Blaine
Podcast AU - Kurt/Artie
Gang AU - Kurt/Ryder
Ghost AU - Kurt/David Karofsky
Magic AU - Kurt/Azimio
Vegas Wedding AU - Kurt/Rory)
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20xbetterthanu · 4 years ago
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Some Things I Hate About Glee
honestly there are some things on glee that really bothered me, here we go.
--
Santana did not live in Lima Heights Adjacent 
Lima Heights Adjacent was the ‘hood’ or the ‘projects’ of Lima. If you don’t know what the Projects are, it’s an apartment complex owned by the government for poorer, lower income families. Public Housing. I know. I have lived in Public Housing, in a neighborhood and surrounded by neighborhoods that are named like Lima Heights. However, in Britney, when Carl is about to put her and Brittany under for a dental exam, she convinces Carl to give her anesthesia because her dad is a doctor with great benefits. She would not have lived in Public Housing. She would not have lived in Public Housing. 
What really bothered me about this is that it was clearly RIB’s way of making her seem more bitchy and badass, and didn’t actually think about what they were saying. Because if you live in the bad part of town, you’re automatically a bitchy hood rat always looking for a fight. Even though Santana did not live in Lima Heights. She couldn’t have. Her family made too much money. But because she was a Hispanic girl who always had an attitude, she was put into this box. And I hate it. I hate it. I fucking hate it.
--
The Jane Addams Glee Club (And just the Hairography Episode in general)
Once again, RIB has incensed me. Hairography is literally one of my least favorite episodes of Glee because of the way this Glee Club is portrayed. The Jane Addams Glee Club is a Glee Club at a reform school for girls. The school is full of ‘teen juvenile delinquents’ (x). Most of these girls are black, and have names such as Aphasia, Jayelle, and Shandonza. What. The. Fuck. Why are they given these names? Shadonza? What?!
Also, the way Rachel reacts. I do recall her saying that they use their hair as a distraction, because their dancing and singing wasn’t that good. ‘Hairography,’ is what she called it exactly. FIRST OF ALL, their vocals were great. Their dancing, while provocative, was better than literally anything the New Directions did in Season One. And the way Mr.Schue takes this and runs with it, accepting Rachel’s statement like it isn’t offensive at all, disgusts me. Why is it that when a black person wears their hair in its natural form, or wears braids or big hair its to be ‘distracting?’ Which leads me to my next point.
--
Glee and Natural Hair
The only major black female character on Glee who wears her natural hair is Jane. Not Mercedes, not Madame Tibedeux, not Roz Washington. That’s where the list ends...huh. There’s one male Warbler who wears his natural hair, but he doesn’t have any lines. The rest of the black male characters on Glee wore their hair short, cut down to the scalp almost. (Matt, Jake, and David Warbler.) 
How come we never saw anyone with box-braids on Glee? Never saw any dreadlocks, even though Whoopi has them. They chose to cover them up with a scarf. The only girl who wears an afro is Jane, and even then, there is a snide comment about it from Madison, a white girl (once again, natural hair is regraded as ‘upstaging’ and ‘distracting). Mercedes always wore her hair straight, even though Amber Riley has gorgeous natural hair. 
Oh, and Darren Criss’s natural hair. As we all know, Darren has gorgeous curls. These curls were smothered under ridiculous amounts of hair gel, and when they were let loose, they made fun of it. (broccoli head, terrorist) And it angers me.
Glee is a great show. I love it to death. But some things are just...ugh. And these are a few of them.
--
thank you for listening to my TED talk.
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macandcheeseperalta · 4 years ago
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superheroes and sidekicks
(I first shared this over on AO3 but wanted to post it here for others to see! Enjoy!)
//
“Come on, Auntie RoRo!” Mac practically dragged his aunt down the hallway with all the might of a four year old. “Mommy and Daddy are waiting!”
Rosa smirked, not rushing with Mac and remembering Jake saying that there was no rush for them to get here. “We can’t run in hospitals, dude.”
“Says who?” He eventually stopped in his tracks to face Rosa. She watched his eyebrows furrow through his mop of curls. His nose scrunched up, wanting to see what weird answer his tía would pull out to fool him this time.
“The doctors and nurses, that’s who,” She retorted before ruffling his head. Standing up, Rosa held out her hand for him. He folded his arms and looked up to the ceiling, eyes closed.
“What now, Mac?”
“I’m a big kid. I don’t have to hold your hand.”
She rolled her eyes. There was no doubt that this kid was Jake’s, echoing every weird quirk and defiance of his father. Amy always said she was raising another Jake, despite her best efforts to sprinkle some orderly Santiago in him. They all hoped that this next baby would live up a bit more to the Santiago part of their surname. But in Amy’s words, they would love them no matter what.
“I guess someone doesn’t want to see their new baby brother or sister...” Rosa shrugged and turned around, beginning her slow walk to the exit.
Mac, noticing that this could mean no new little brother, ran back to his aunt. His hand grabbed on while pulling her back. “No! I wanna see him! I wanna see my brother!”
“You’re gonna listen then?”
“Yes, Auntie RoRo, I promise,” He held up his opposite pinky, “Pinky promise.”
“And you know pinky promises are serious right?”
“Yes ma’am!” Mac gave a wide toothy smile, one Rosa couldn’t resist smiling back at.
Her pinky locked with his, sealing the promise with their thumbs reaching up to touch each other. “And you promise you’re gonna be the best big brother ever?”
“Double pinky promise!”
“Even if your mom has a little sister and not a little brother.”
He bit his lip. “Maybe...”
“Mac...”
“But Auntie RoRo, girls are gross ! Jack from school says they have cooties!”
“I’m a girl. Does that mean I have cooties?” She raised her eyebrows at his statement. “I guess that means I’m gross too huh?”
“Nooo!” Mac giggled as Rosa led them down the hallway towards Amy’s room. “You’re Auntie RoRo. You can’t have cooties. You’re cool.”
“What does that mean?” She laughed.
Skipping now, Mac shrugged. “I dunno. Daddy just says you’re cool.”
It wasn’t long before the pair were outside Amy’s door. Rosa looked down at Mac, dawned in the light blue shirt saying “big brother” in white letters. She passed him the red and white superhero cape. Before leaving the apartment to go to the hospital with Rosa, he picked out a cape to wear and a spare for his newest sibling, convinced that the newest addition would be his little brother.
This time around, Amy and Jake decided to keep the gender a surprise for the rest of the world. Not even the littlest member of their family knew if they would get a little brother or sister. He was alongside the rest of the world, on the edge of his seat to find out what the baby would be. Mac’s heart was always set on the baby being a boy though, planning all of the superhero games they would play, who would be the hero and the sidekick, and who would get which toy cars.
“You ready to see them, Mac? Once we go through this door, you’re gonna officially be a big brother.”
The same toothy grin returned while he nodded excessively. “Yes! Yes! Let me in!”
Rosa chuckled before cracking the door open to greet the parents first. “You guys have a little visitor, if you’re ready?”
Amy nodded, her biggest smile beaming, as Jake stood in front of the bassinet to hide the little one. “Let him loose, Auntie RoRo.”
She opened the door wide open as Mac walked in, soon sprinting upon seeing his mom on the bed. “Mommy!”
“Mac Attack!” Pulling him into her arms, Amy smothered him with kisses, holding her first baby tight. Their embrace soon broke as she just took in every detail of her oldest. He wasn’t a baby anymore. He was now a protective big brother, grown up in more ways than one.
His eyes darted around before landing on Jake. You could see him begin to slow down and be gentle as he pointed to the thing behind his dad. “Is that the baby?”
“Yeah, you want to hold them?” She whispered back at his soft response. He leaned back against Amy as Jake walked over with the baby, bouncing them in his arms.
Looking down at the baby and back up at Mac and Amy, Jake’s eyes filled with love for this little family he and his wife created over the last four years. Neither of them thought this was possible when they first started trying. He will never forget Amy’s heartbreaking words about being bad at making babies, but he always knew that wasn’t the case. There were two pieces of beautiful proof that she was far from bad at making babies.
After all, their kids were liquid fire in every single way possible.
Jake joined them on the bed, snuggling into Amy’s side and adjusting the baby to rest in his son’s arms. “Mac, meet your baby sister, Lucy.”
“Sister?!” Mac frowned, looking back at both of his parents in disgust. “I didn’t want a sister! I wanted a brother!”
“Well, this is what we have, baby. Lucy’s going to come live with us.” Amy tried to mend the situation. Though this was the last thing she wanted to deal with today, she knew that there was no other option but to talk to Mac.
“No! I don’t want her! I want a brother!” Mac raised his voice, starting to wake up the sleeping baby as Jake pulled back their baby girl from him.
“Mac, inside voice. We’re at the--”
“NO!” His yells slowly turned into a full-on tantrum. Red spread across his face while he clenched his fists. “NO! NO! NO! I don’t want her!”
This was the turning point for the baby too. Lucy joined in her brother’s wails, trying to get out of the swaddle. Jake then stood up, giving a helpless look to his wife as she tried to console their son with a hug.
He tried to give Lucy a binky in hopes that would temporarily mend the situation. But to his dismay, she fought it. Jake’s eyes met Amy’s, both echoing the same sense of helplessness. He added a sigh while bouncing the screaming baby. “Well, this could’ve gone a lot worse.”
//
“Mommy, make Lu stop crying.” Mac spoke up from his respective place at the dining table as he colored a picture for his Grandpa Raymond.
It had only been a week since they brought Lucy home. And all four of them agreed that it felt more like a month than a week. Mac continued to refuse to believe that Lucy was really his sister, and tried on multiple occasions to get rid of her as soon as possible.
Amy gave a deep sigh from the kitchen nook, her daughter’s body against her shoulder and screaming. “Mac--”
“Oh, I forgot the magic word! Mommy, please make Lulu stop crying.” He smiled in hopes that the magic word would do its job and the baby would stop.
Despite her exhaustion, she still managed to laugh at her son’s antics. “I wish it would work that way... Buddy, could you go to my room and get her binky from the bassinet?”
“Binkies don’t belong in this house. You said so.” He went back to coloring, avoiding eye contact at all costs.
Amy sighed before sitting down at the table with him and adjusting Lucy into a more comfortable position. “Mac, I don’t want to play games today. Please be my big helper and go grab your sister’s binky.”
“No, I wanna color.” Mac whined as his focus remained on the picture.
“McClane Jacob, please just listen.” Her hand reached over and was put on top of his picture in an attempt to gain his full attention. There were no words to describe how tired and exhausted she was. And having Mac acting up like this was not helping her case.
“No!”
“Mac,” Amy’s finger pulled his chin up so her eyes met his. “I’m going to give you two choices. We can either listen and do what Mommy asked, or we can go in time-out. What would you like to do?”
He quickly turned his face away with a scowl spread across it. “I don’t wanna listen. I wanna color.”
“So I guess we’re gonna do time-out then, huh?” No response came from her son, causing Amy to stand up and put the baby down in her swing in the living room. “Mac, you have until the count of three to stop coloring before we’re gonna have a talk with Daddy when he gets home from work.”
Mac kept silent and focused. Amy sighed and held up her pointer finger.
“Mac, one.”
Nothing. She added a finger.
“Two.”
“But Mommy--”
“Two and a half.” Amy held off on saying three, believing her son could make a good choice in just seconds.
Watching her gut instinct become reality, Mac got off the seat and marched down to Jake and Amy’s room. He returned moments later with the matte pink binky before throwing it across the room with eyes full of angry tears.
She furrowed her eyebrows before picking up the binky and walking over to pick her son up. “McClane, that was not a good choice. I think you need to go in time-out for a little bit.”
“No!” He yelled, battling to be louder than his screaming baby sister. “I want Daddy!”
It would be 30 minutes later when Jake walked through the door to find a crying Amy sitting cross-legged on the couch with a sleeping Lucy in her lap. He hated that she had to be left alone with the two kids. She was left on the frontlines for too many hours as she battled both kids to sleep, to eat, to stop crying, and much more. Amy was definitely a superhero but now breaking under the pressure of it all.
“Rough day?” He hung up his messenger bag before inching towards the couch to join his wife.
She took a deep breath, leaning into his side and resting her head on his shoulder. Jake was her rock in moments like this. When she was at her end and not sure what to do next, he swooped in and brought peace. Not one that solved everything, making her kids happy, perfect, not-always-crying angels, but bringing hope to a situation that seemed so dark.
“Way too rough.” A sniffle escaped her nose. “Lu just won’t stop crying and Mac refuses to help and... I just suck at this.”
“No, don’t say that.” His head rested against hers. “It was just one bad day. One bad day doesn’t mean you suck at this.”
Both sat in the silence, soaking in the momentary quiet as their newborn slept. They allowed the emotions to simply be. He wanted her to be able to feel this, but wanted her to also know that she wasn’t doing this all alone. She just wanted him to be her rock at that moment. He was her anchor in every storm, keeping her stable and in place despite what might come next.
“What can I do to help you?” He finally broke the silence.
“Can you check on Mac?” She took a deep breath. “He wasn’t being helpful earlier. Threw Lu’s binky across the room.”
“I can definitely do that.” Jake pressed a long kiss to her forehead before standing up. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Jake later knocked at Mac’s bedroom door, leaning against the wall beside it’s frame. “Mac Attack, can I come in?”
“Yeah...” He heard the quiet response and opened the door to find a clean room and his son curled up on his big boy bed. “You’re room’s really clean, bud. Mommy would be really proud.”
Mac looked up, nodding. “Mommy got mad at me when you were at work.”
Jake joined him on the bed while pulling him into his lap. “Yeah, she told me about that. What happened?”
“I wanted to color and she wanted me to grab the baby’s binky. But I wanted to color so I didn’t. And then she counted to three and I got scared so I got it.”
“Then?”
“I threw it at her.”
The dad sighed, watching Mac play with the car in his lap. “Why did you throw it?”
Mac only shrugged.
“Were you mad?”
“Yeah..” Mac whispered. “I just wanted to color with Mommy. But she was too busy with the baby.”
Jake nodded, kissing the top of his son’s head and turning him to face him. “Mac, bud, do you wanna know a secret?”
He watched Mac’s eyes widen while nodding. “Yeah! Tell me!”
“But you gotta keep it a secret. Deal?”
“Deal.”
Looking around, Jake leaned in to be just in earshot of Mac. “Your mommy is a superhero.”
“No, she isn’t! Mommy’s just Mommy!”
“How do you know?”
“Because superhero’s wear capes and go and protect the world from bad guys! Mommy doesn’t do that anymore. She just holds Lulu all day.”
“You sure? Because I’ve seen Mommy do some really cool things.”
“Like what?” Mac crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow.
“Well,” Jake looked up at the ceiling, counting off all the things that make his wife a superhero. “Mommy wakes up super early to make all of us breakfast, she washes our clothes, and she takes really good care of you and Lucy when I’m at work.”
Mac cocked his head, questioning his father, “Superheroes do that too?”
“Of course! Mommy kicks bad guys’ butts but she also has to keep you and Lucy safe and happy.” Jake paused, “But here’s the thing. Superheroes need sidekicks, right? Well, Mommy needs a sidekick. Someone that is a big kid, that can help Mommy when she needs it, that can help keep all the bad guys away--”
“I can do that!” Mac hollered, “I’m a big kid! I have a cape!”
He laughed at Mac’s cape comment before continuing, “But sidekicks are always there to help everyone, even their baby sisters. You still up for the job?”
His son nodded with the widest grin. “I can do it! I can be Mommy’s sidekick!”
“I think you can too,” Jake looked at his son, full of pride. “But I need you to promise me one more thing, Mac.”
“What?”
“That whenever you want me or Mommy to hang out with you, you use your words and tell us what you want. No more throwing things and being mad without telling us. Okay?”
Mac sighed, nodding. Jake knew that this wouldn’t solve anything, but it would be a start for all of them. Hopefully, it would make things easier for Amy to have someone ready to help. Hopefully, it would help Mac realize Lucy wasn’t all that bad. Hopefully, this would be the change that would make everything right.
//
Folding the last blanket from the laundry basket, Amy looked up at the clock for the time. 3:37. Lucy was still peacefully sleeping after being put down for a nap. Jake was scheduled to be home in just 23 minutes. And Mac--
Where was Mac?
“Mac Attack?” She called out, hoping for a response from his room down the hall. The silence filled for a moment before she tried again. “Mac?”
“Shh!”
Her eyebrow rose as the sound came from her room. The only one in there should be the baby but that little voice resonated in there as well.
She tiptoed down to her and Jake’s room, peaking in to find a scene that warmed her heart. There on the bed sat Mac with her notepad and his own crayon, right beside the bassinet with the sleeping Lucy. His hand scribbled across the page as to fill in the gaps he created with color.
“What are you up to, bud?” Amy joined him on the bed, peering at his artwork.
“I’m just watching Lulu for you.” Mac finished his scribble while looking over at Lucy and then Amy. “You needed a break. Superheroes need breaks sometimes.”
After a quick chuckle, Amy smiled. For weeks, they were sure that Mac hated Lucy and would not relent until the two were older and out of the house. But this, this moment right here, screamed change. A change that Amy couldn’t put her finger on.
“Thank you, sidekick.” She leaned down to press a kiss to his unruly curls. “You’re such a good big brother.”
“I know,” Mac shrugged before stealing one more glance at his sister. He soon ripped his picture off the notepad and picked up a new crayon. “Want to color with me, Mommy?”
“I would love to.” She accepted the crayon but couldn’t take her curious eyes off his first picture. “What were you drawing before I came in?”
“My baby sister. You and Daddy were right. She isn’t that bad.”
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kennexara · 4 years ago
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I’m still so mad. Like you can put aside the entire Cas thing - and even for that I wasn’t expecting anything but subtext, jesus, I just wanted him to show up and Dean smile at him my standards were fucking low. But even if you didn’t care about Cas and the 12 years of subtext between him and Dean there’s no way around the fact they just…fucked Dean over. Threw 15 years of character development out the window. For - for what? YOUR ENTIRE FUCKING SHOW WAS ABOUT DESTINY NOT MATTERING AND THEN YOU KILLED DEAN THE WAY EVERYONE - HIMSELF INCLUDED - DESTINED HIM TO DIE. What, you wanted to show they finally got over their codependent brother thing? Jfc show them living in separate fucking houses it’s not that hard.
Like, okay, I’m going to tell you what I wanted to happen, and also how they could’ve tweaked it to leave everything ambiguous - do they die next week, do they die of old age, we aren’t telling - and still have the show make fucking sense.
You can keep 15x19 - it was fucking weird, but whatever it works. I do think you should replace the montage with this one, and also you maybe should’ve played carry on wayward son at the start of this second-to-last episode. (hey harkening back to season 1 without destroying 15 years of growth!)
Then 15x20. Don’t do that just-two-brothers-against-the-world. If your primary message was about free will your secondary message was about found family. Show them ACTUALLY checking up that all their friends are back. Jody & Donna and the girls. AU Bobby and AU Charlie and her girlfriend. Eileen - how dare you establish this kickass deaf hunter, slowly start something between her and Sam, and then just fucking forget her. As if two episodes ago he wasn’t more upset about her disappearance than anybody else’s.
And Adam. Get Jake Abel one last time and give him something to do besides stand there while getting called a cuck. “I was wrong before,” he says to Dean. “Sometimes - sometimes, we do get what we deserve.” Dean smiles and slaps him on the back but his eyes are sad. He has that look - you know the one - that he gets every time Cas is gone.
But COVID- Then have everything be phone calls. Or if you’re really cheap and lazy just dig up past dialogue of Hey or Hi or Hello from these people. I don’t need entire conversations, I guess, though I’d prefer them.
“So that’s everyone,” Sam says, putting down his phone. “Everyone’s back.”
“Well, not everyone,” Dean sighs and he has that Look again. Sam gives him a sad look and starts to say something but is interrupted by the creak of the bunker door opening. It’s Cas, of course it’s Cas, and Dean stares at him with that look he always gets when Cas comes back from the dead.
“How are you-”
“Jack,” Cas explains. “He brought me back when he restored everyone else, and I’ve been helping him change things in heaven. It took longer than expected, otherwise I would’ve come sooner.”
“Jack got you out of the Empty?” Sam asks.
Cas hesitates. “Sort of. The Empty claims angels. But if that angel has developed a human soul…the Empty can’t hold it. But it could still take my grace,” he adds, sounding annoyed at the last part.
“You’re - you’re human now?” Dean asks.
“Yes,” Cas says, looking at him. “That’s why I couldn’t return to Earth until we were done with heaven. Are you mad?”
“No,” Dean says, “I don’t - human or angel, it doesn’t matter, I’m just glad you’re here, Cas.”
(And then, if the show had some guts, Cas would say, “No, I meant the thing I said before I died.” And Dean would say, “No, of course not,” and then make some excuse to get them away from Sam and they would actually TALK about it and I don’t need a kiss just Dean saying something about “I feel the same, you know,” and “Being’s nice, sure, but having - having is even better.”)
But they don’t have guts so I’d settle for Dean and Cas hugging and then the three of them all stand there until Sam says, “What do we do now?”
And Dean smiles and says, “Now? Now we write our own story.”
(and if they really decided not to go with classic rock they could’ve done christian rock a la matt maher’s ‘hold us together’ which does not mention god or anything, just talks about how ‘love will hold us together’ and ‘I’ll be my brother’s keeper’ but most importantly ‘this is the first day of the rest of your life.’)
Then you actually show them living lives that are balanced. They’re not full-time hunters, but neither have they stopped completely.
The show’s been establishing Sam as a leader, maybe have him running an American hunter network of sorts? Or having the wall of phones like Bobby? But he still lives in the suburbs with a white picket fence and kids bc that’s the straights dream life apparently. Or if you really want to have season 1 callback, have him be a lawyer for hunters - god knows they get in trouble or arrested by law enforcement enough.
Have Dean open a bar for hunters, like in that dream fantasy from AU Michael. Actually, maybe it’s a restaurant, partially bc he does like to cook and partially so that teenage hunters can breeze in and get advice or extra rocksalt rounds without any trouble while he Dads them. Maybe even have some monsters show up and Dean kicks their asses, like in his dream world. And Cas is there - of course Cas is there, rolling his eyes at Dean’s one-liners but smiling at him fondly all the same.
Don’t do the wig and makeup and ‘look they’re old now!’ thing. Just…don’t. Just fade to black on some scene of Sam and Eileen visiting Dean and Cas at the restaurant and they’re all smiling and laughing.
Then, that scene of Dean in heaven mostly plays out the same. Dean flexes and looks at his hands, his whole body, and says, “Huh, must be in heaven, no arthritis,” or some other issue to let us know he did grow old. And Bobby greets him and doesn’t have to explain quite so much about heaven since Cas already did. And maybe instead of the Roadhouse it’s Dean’s actual restaurant, and you can hear everyone they’ve lost - Charlie, Kevin, Ellen, Jo, Mary, etc inside, bc again COVID and just voices would be enough for me. Maybe you can hear even Crowley and Benny, and Bobby makes some comment about “Oh yeah, Jack dragged people from all places just for you.”
And Dean says something about, “Not everybody is here yet.”
Bobby rolls his eyes and says, “They’ll be along soon enough.”
(I think…I think I would like Sam to be one of the voices coming from the restaurant. Sam always seemed a bit more able to live without Dean than vice versa, so I’d think it’d be nice to show Dean could and did. But they probably really wanted to end on a ‘look at the brothers’ note so I guess Sam isn’t there quite yet.)
Dean gets into the car and there’s that flap of wings they haven’t done in years and “Hello, Dean,” from Cas in the passenger seat and Dean grins at him and cranks the radio higher and it’s playing, idfk, I know they can’t do Stairway to Heaven but we know they can do the actual Kansas version of Carry On Wayward Son so if they’re gonna play that song PLAY THAT VERSION and maybe morph it into the slower one from the musical episode as Dean and Cas exit the car and Cas smiles and Dean says “What?” before turning and Sam’s there and maybe they stand on the bridge together but you know Cas is to the side and Bobby’s waiting at the restaurant with everyone else.
But some fans want blaze of glory and some want growing old so we split the difference and- and made nobody happy motherfuckers! If you want to please everyone then don’t show either! Fade to black from Dean saying “Now we write our own story” and idk, maybe you should’ve saved the montage for this, or at least just say “Sometime in the future” and then my version of the heaven scene plays out minus the arthritis comment and both Cas and Sam show up quicker and it’s left ambiguous if they all lived long lives or died in a blaze of glory a week after stopping Chuck.
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mymidsummersunshine · 4 years ago
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I feel a little weird writing fic with everything that’s been going on, but at the same time I’m finding it to be a good distraction, and I missed Tiny a lot so here’s a new installment in the cat AU
CW: mice, please let me know if I should add others
Matt wakes up feeling groggy. He hadn’t slept well, and the grey skies threatening rain aren’t helping either. It’s a good thing he doesn’t have to work today, because he’s not sure how productive he would be.
He’s not quite sure he wants to get out of bed yet, so he stays another minute or so. He can hear Anders talking to Tiny in the living room and smiles to himself.
“Hey, there you are,” he hears him say. “Who’s a good boy, huh? Are you a good boy? Wait, whatcha got?”
Matt hears Anders scream, and it’s enough to wake him up completely in a matter of seconds. He bolts out of bed and opens the door. Anders looks over at him, conveying an expression somewhere between disgusted and horrified.
“What’s wrong?” Matt asks. Anders just points towards the floor, where a dead mouse sits at his feet. At least, Matt thinks it’s dead. He hopes it’s dead. Tiny licks his paw, then looks up at Matt proudly, as if to show off his work.
Matt screams too.
“Oh my god, is it dead?!”
Anders gives him a look. “No, love, it’s taking a nap. Yes, it’s fucking dead!”
“Where did it even come from?”
“I don’t know!” Anders says, carefully backing up towards the bedroom. “I didn’t know we had a mouse problem.”
“I don’t want to think about that,” Matt says, pulling Anders into a hug once he backs up far enough. “I guess, I mean, at least we know he can catch them.”
Tiny tilts his head to the side.
“How do we get rid of it?” Matt asks. “Do we just, bring it outside?”
“Yeah, you can just put it in the bushes out back, probably,” Anders says.
“Okay, that sounds good - wait, I can put it in the bushes?”
Anders nods. “Yeah, you can bring it outside.”
“No, you can bring it outside. I’m not touching it!”
“Well, I don’t want to touch it, either!”
Matt sighs. At this rate, it’s just going to stay on their floor forever, and he doesn’t want that, either. “Do we call Jake and Charlie?”
“Jake, maybe. Definitely not Charlie, though. Remember the garden snake?”
Matt laughs as he recalls the memory of their vacation last summer, and Charlie sprinting from the outdoor pool all the way back to the hotel room without his shoes when he saw a snake on the grassy area right outside the fence. “Okay, yeah, not Charlie. I’ll text Jake, though, he’ll probably think it’s cool. He’s weird like that.”
He lets go of Anders and heads back into the bedroom to grab his phone, and send the text.
Tiny caught a mouse, can you get it out of our living room?
Aww, for real? Is it cute??
You are not asking the right person
Ok, fine, fine, I’ll be over in 15
Thank you, I owe you one
Matt sets his phone back down on the nightstand and goes back to the doorway. Anders hasn’t moved; he’s still staring at it. Matt wraps an arm around his shoulder and guides him back into the bedroom.
“Come on, let’s look at something else,” he says. Anders breathes a sigh of relief and whispers a quiet “thank you.” He leans into Matt’s side when they sit back in the bed. Matt turns on the TV, flicking through the channels until he finds a lighthearted movie they’ve both seen before. He sets the remote down and rubs his hand over Anders’ shoulder.
“Thank you, love,” Anders says again. “I just... I know it’s all part of nature, or whatever, I just wasn’t expecting him to bring it into our living room.”
“No, I get it,” Matt assures him. “I wasn’t, either. And at least it wasn’t alive, because it would be a lot harder for Jake to catch it if it kept running away.”
“Yeah, that’s true.” Matt gets the sense Anders doesn’t want to talk about it anymore, so he changes the subject.
“Hey, how’d your work thing go yesterday?”
Anders perks up at that, and starts telling him about the event, an art night for the students and their families. He’s not a teacher, he works in the administration part of the school, but the kids all know him and love him, and he always goes to as many sporting events and school plays and such as he can to support them. Matt’s been to a few events with him, it’s easy to see why they all love him. Why he loves him. The way he connects with them all individually, asking them questions about their interests and pointing out specific things he likes about their work, it’s enough to make Matt fall in love with him all over again.
Anders is just telling him about Trent’s still life that he’s been working all semester on and was super proud of when Matt’s phone vibrates. It’s a text from Jake saying he’s outside. Matt sighs.
“I guess we better let him in.”
“I suppose,” Anders grins.
Matt smiles softly as he stands up. He takes the long way around the living room to avoid the mouse, then heads down the hallway to the door. Jake is standing there as promised, a huge smile on his face.
“Pest control, heard you have a mouse problem,” he greets him.
“It better be just the one, not a whole problem, or I’m gonna lose it,” Matt says as he lets him in. He leads him back down the hallway and into the living room. Anders waves from the bedroom doorway.
“Hi Jake, nice to see you, now please get rid of that thing.”
Jake laughs. “Sure. Do you have, like, a spare towel I can use or something?”
Matt looks away as Jake scoops it up, then heads past him outside. He returns a few minutes later, throwing the towel into the washer and washing his hands. He stops to pet Tiny, who seems sad that his prize was thrown away so easily.
“Did you catch that all by yourself? You’re a fierce little dude,” he says as he scratches his chin. Tiny purrs at the praise. Jake stands up after a few minutes.
“Well, I think my work here is done,” he claps. “Let me know if he catches any more.”
“Oh, we will, don’t worry,” Anders promises. “Thanks for coming over.”
“Really, it’s not a problem. Bye!” He heads back down the hallway and Matt hears the door shut. He looks back over at Anders.
“So now that that’s out of the way, would you like some breakfast?”
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incandescent-creativity · 5 years ago
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20 Questions Tag
tagged by @homesteadchronicles !
OKAY SO
I accidentally answered all of the ones Jake answered, before I saw he left questions for me at the end, and I didn’t want to waste all that time, so
This was originally a 10 Question tag, and I’m putting his questions first, but there’s 10 more below the cut because I say so.
1. When you find a book at the store, what about it makes you decide to buy it or put it back on the shelf?
Well, if it’s a book in a series or by an author I know and like, I’m going to get that. I barely look at the premise of new Stephen King books anymore.
But other than that, if the inside flap sounds like a good story, and if the first page sounds like something I can read and enjoy.
2. What would your book’s ideal cover look like, should you have access to any artist you’d want and any resources you would need to make it a reality?
I’ve already made mock covers, you can find them on the title slides of my comic sans presentations, so I guess they’d just look like those, but nicer?
Although, tbh, I’m a bigger fan of these SOLE fan covers by @writeouswriter. I think they capture the themes of the story better, and I might play around with remaking the SOLE cover soon, inspired by their work!
3. If you could rewrite one story - be it a book, game, movie, show, etc. - which would it be and why?
Two options:
One, the ending of Game of Thrones. I know that might be a cliche or expected answer, and I’m usually not one to critique works that I watch, but Jaime abandoning Brienne made literally no sense.
The other option is a book we’re reading for class: Phantoms, by Christian Kiefer. Inconsistent grammar, bad writing style, hardly any plot actually happening, fake deep sentences and weird descriptions... Ugh.
4. Have you ever given a story a second chance and liked it better the next time through? What caused your opinion to change?
Really, truly, changing the urban fantasy TREE Series to the high fantasy LORE Series was the best decision I’ve ever made. I went from feeling lukewarm about the story to feeling on fire, and it might be solely because of the opportunity to worldbuild so much.
5. What do you believe endears an audience to a character?
Relatability! A character has got to be relatable, at least in some capacity. That’s how you make good villains: you show that they are so far gone down whatever hole they’ve fallen into that they can’t be relatable anymore.
(Also what makes a good villain is making them just relatable and logical enough that you see where they came from. It’s a weird line that never appears in the first draft)
6. What kind of romances do you prefer to read about and/or watch unfold? (Soft and shy, hot and sexy, slow burn, enemies to lovers, etc.)
Soft and shy slowburn of best friends to lovers will get me EVERY TIME
Like do y’all remember Percy and Annabeth from Rick Riordan’s Percy Jackson series? That was the ULTIMATE romance of my childhood. I bet if I went back and read it, it would still hold up, too. Those two went to Tartarus and back with only each other. Peak Romance.
7. What type of AU’s are your guilty pleasures, be they for your stories or for others? (Modern, High School/University, Coffee Shop, Vampires, etc.)
I’ve never written a vampire story, but I think I’d like to try.
This was not the question, but I don’t really have any guilty pleasures! I write what I write and I write what I want and I hardly ever do AUs.
8. If only one age demographic would ever read your books, which would you choose and why?
“New Adult,” which I’m not even sure is a genre. Like, early 20 year olds.
9. If you could pay homage to one person in your life through your stories and/or characters, who would it be and why?
Probably myself?
These are my stories, and as much support as I’ve gotten from friends (and even the occasional family), at the end of the day, they’re most important to me, I’m the one who’s put the most work into them, and if I can represent and immortalize myself...
I think I’ll be happy.
10. If every reader walked away from your story having been changed in one significant way, what would you want it to be and why?
For the SOLE Project, I want readers to learn that isolating themselves will never solve anything, and will probably make things worse. Also, take action against climate change (but do it with other people).
For LiaHT, I want people to know it’s okay not to have all the answers, and be at peace with all parts of themselves.
For LORE, I want people to start treasuring the power of friendship and the power of hope.
---
SECOND BATCH
1. What are your character’s favorite foods or snacks?
Christian will snack on anything he can get his hands on. Nora likes cookies. Zach likes fruits and pastries, especially fruity pastries. Dr. Agau and Beth are (shockingly) very practical people: nuts, berries, cheese, handfuls of those... think of trail mix.
2. What playlists do you listen to when writing?
I use video game playlists! They’re usually wordless and motivating, which is nice. I like to use this playlist on Spotify, or this website (you can’t skip songs, but there’s also some weird metal and screaming songs on the playlist so like. Pick your poison).
3. Which OC is/was your favorite to create?
Dr. Agau is still my favorite, I think. She’s just so... I don’t know, in control? Obviously, she uses her control and power to abuse children, so she’s an awful person, but come on. Who doesn’t long for a sense of absolute control over circumstances in their life.
A close second are Ash and Zach. It’s fun to think of all the ways they balance each other and differ from each other, and the few areas they are similar in.
4. What is the first book you read that made you cry?
The only book that’s ever made me cry is the ending of Thunderhead by Neal Shusterman.
5. Do you hide any secrets in your books as a way of foreshadowing?
Not intentionally? The things I hide are mostly references to old drafts, like when Beth finds a body in Agau’s laboratories that’s named Kati (an old character who I cut out of the story).
6. What is the most difficult part of your writing process?
Starting.
Seriously, whether it’s starting a chapter, figuring out where to start the story as a whole, starting to resolve something, I just find beginnings... very difficult. I haven’t found a good formula for them yet.
7. Which of your characters would you like to meet or get to know irl?
I think Zach and I would get along fabulously! 
I also have trouble with Matt’s character, and Hans’s, so maybe I could get to know those boys a bit better.
8. Was there a situation in your writing that you took from your own life?
I don’t take exact situations as much as I take feelings. All the pieces of my writing that are Beth having panic attacks, of Zach not knowing where he’s going with his life, of Nora stressing over school... Our circumstances may be very different, but the feelings are usually pretty direct.
9. Do your characters have reoccurring symbolism in their dreams?
Weirdly enough, I don’t think I’ve ever written a dream sequence for a character. I’ve written a nightmare, but only one, in all of my writing.
Huh.
10. Which Hogwarts houses would you sort your characters into?
Slytherin: Dr. Agau, Beth, Ash, and Maluka
Ravenclaw: Michael
Hufflepuff: Hallie, Hans, Zach, Olufemi, Finnigan, Nora
Gryffindor: Christian, Matt
Apparently I have a type.
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banditthewriter · 6 years ago
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Matt Murdock - Jealous, Protective
The eleventh entry into my One Year Anniversary event! Only two more! Thanks for the patience on this guys!
Hope you enjoy! 
*gif not mine*
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Jealous
*** You dropped your bag next to the booth and smiled at Foggy and Matt. While Matt couldn't see the smile to return it, he usually greeted you with a smile anyways. This time you saw a frown on his lips. "What's up?" You looked between the best friends and found just as few answers from Foggy as you did from Matt. "Okay guys, you're freaking me out right now. Did I miss something?" Foggy pushed his fries into the middle of the table and made a show of checking his watchless-wrist. "Man, look at the time. I totally forgot that I'm supposed to be meeting Marci; I've got to jet. I'll talk to you guys later." He was gone in a flash. You weren't sure that you'd ever seen him move that fast. With a huff you tucked your bag into the booth and you slid into his vacated seat. "Have I offended Foggy? I don't know that I've ever seen someone less interested in being in my presence." When Matt didn't respond beyond clearing his throat, you rolled your eyes. "Except for maybe you right now. Seriously Matt, what the hell is going on?" Matt shifted a bit, obviously uncomfortable, and you wondered where this was coming from. All three of your clawed your way out of law school together and you thought that it meant you'd have an unbreakable bond. Instead Foggy damn near evaporated and Matt was giving you the cold shoulder? "Should I leave?" "No," he said in a rush, his face falling a bit before he sighed. "He shouldn't have left but you know that Foggy doesn't like being in awkward situations." Huh. "I do know that, but how is this an awkward situation? We have dinner together at least once a week." Sometimes more, especially lately. There was something that had been brewing between you and Matt for a while now, feelings that neither of you had given voice to yet. Matt was never one to play the delicate flower in these situations, but you thought it might be different if it was with someone he knew and cared about. And you? While you were pretty sure Matt felt the same, you still weren't keen on rejection. You could wait for him to make the first move. Except he still hadn't. "Uh," Matt said, shifting uncomfortably again. He cleared his throat and then shook his head. "He might have been there when I left that voicemail last night." That made you pause. "I didn't see a voicemail, but I have horrible service when I'm out." You started to pull your bag towards you to fish out your phone but Matt reached out as if to stop you from across the table. "Wait, you didn't get a call from me last night? Well that makes things easier," he said with the beginning of a smile but you shook your head. Not happening. You grabbed your phone and clicked into your voicemail. Sure enough there was a little glowing message that somehow you didn't get notified about. You clicked on it and pulled it up to your ear. As Matt's voice filled your ears, you watched as his face started to fall. You weren't sure how he could hear your phone over the music in the restaurant, but you were used to him doing things he shouldn't be able to do. "Hey Y/N," Matt's voice slurred in your ear, "I know that you're on that date but I wanted you to know that I don't want you to go on dates anymore. Not with anyone but me. I know that I've been dragging my feet but it's just because you're so amazing and wonderful and I didn't want you to get mixed up with me, but I think I don't care anymore. And I—stop, give me the phone back Foggy, I—" There was a scuffle, Foggy's voice shrilling "You'll regret this when you're sober Matthew, let me delete the messa—" before the line went dead. He must have accidentally hung up instead of deleting the message. "That sounded a lot better when I was drunk," he said when you'd been silent for a while. You tried to keep from laughing because you knew that was the wrong reaction, but you couldn't help it. The giggle welled up in your chest and burst out while you were trying to hold it in. "I'm sorry, I'm just trying to picture Foggy wrestling your phone away. Okay," you said as you sniffled and composed yourself, "not I think you need to explain to me what you meant about me being on a date?" Matt was shifting in his seat again. "Well I heard you tell that Jake guy that you'd see him last night at some concert. Sounded like a date." You opened your mouth and then shut it with a huff. Realizing what was going on, you leaned across the table to press your mouth against Matt's quickly. "I was giving Jake the tickets that I won from some raffle. It wasn't a date, he was there with his boyfriend." As red started to stain Matt's cheeks, you grinned and leaned in for another kiss. "Jealous is a good look on you Murdock." He laughed against your lips, his hand finding the back of your head to tug you in for a deeper kiss.
Protective *** "I've got this," you said as you checked the weapons on your hips. You had your batons and your knives; you were ready for whatever came. "I can handle this." "I know you can," Matt said as he moved over and covered your hand with one of his own, "but you don't need to. These guys aren't after you. They are after me." "I don't care. We're in this together." It had been the only thing the two of you had disagreed on in a long time. You wanted to help Matt with the trouble he was pulling down onto his head. The criminal element in Hell's Kitchen knew that Daredevil wasn't to be messed with but these people weren't the ordinary thugs. They were powerful. You weren't about to let him face them alone. "This isn't your fight," he said pointedly as he pulled your hands away from your weapons. That made you pause before you shook your head. "What's yours is mine," you said simply as you started towards the door. You didn't get very far before Matt was spinning you around to face him. It was too late that you realized what was about to happen. Your left arm was yanked backwards, your right arm following suit. Before you could even escape the hold, Matt hooked his leg around yours and used his knee to force you to your knees. "Matt, stop," you yelled, squirming in his hold as something clamped around your wrists. "Seriously? That's kinky Murdock, but if you don't uncuff me right now..." You didn't get to finish that threat. Matt spun you around and clasped your face in his hands, bending in to give you a kiss. "I need to keep you safe. Just stay here, please?" A twist told you that he had secured your wrists very well, but you were determined. "You're insane if you think I can't get out of these," you said as you started to shift, trying to find the weakness to exploit. He undid your knives and put them out of reach. "I'm sure you can, but at least I'll get a head start. You can be mad at me later, but I have to do this. I have to keep you safe." He was coming from a place of worry and love, you knew that. It didn't mean you were going to forgive him anytime soon for literally tying your hands and making you unable to help. "If you don't come back, so help me God," you threatened, voice low and desperate. He leaned in for another kiss, chasing the desperation with something softer. You pressed your forehead against his and sighed. "Don't make me regret this Matt," you begged. With one last kiss, he stood up and left the apartment. You gave yourself maybe ten minutes to get free, fifteen max. You never really promised that you wouldn't follow him, but you knew that it was unspoken. You weren't going to interfere. Free, twelve minutes after Matt left, you hesitated with your hands on your knives. You might have let Matt think that you weren't going to join him in the fight, but that didn't mean you couldn't follow him. You could just be his help on the side lines; you didn't have to get involved. Matt didn't want you to get hurt and you understood that, you loved him for that. But you didn't want him hurt either. He was your best friend and so much more than that. You weren't going to sit on the sidelines while he faced off against people he honestly had very little chance against. You'd have to apologize to him for breaking your word, but at least you'd both be alive for it. With that in mind, you set off to find him.
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firstdegreefangirl · 5 years ago
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Really Real
OK, I’ve been leading @stargazerdaisy​ and @vesperass-anuna​ on for long enough, so it’s time for part two of what seems to be turning into a series of nightmare-themed stories for Abe/Maya. 
Abe steps off the elevator and lets muscle memory carry him down the hall, right around the corner and to the second door on the left. He knocks, but when there’s no answer, tries the handle anyway.
It gives under his hand, just like it always does, but that’s where the normalcy ends. Maya isn’t there. No touch of Maya is there. Her name sign? Gone. The coaster that’s always underneath a mug of perpetually half-cold coffee? Gone, and the drink is too. The walls are bare, the desktop empty. Even the goofy picture of the two of them in the Blackhawk – the one that he had framed for their first anniversary, that has always sat right next to her computer, has vanished.
His breath catches as he pulls out his phone, scrolling anxiously through his call history.
Harper. Jake. Kelly. Kevin. Lucy. Mom.
OK, he’ll look by last name.
Daniels. Dooley. Evans. Ferry. Ferry.
No Maya. No Dobbins. The knot in his stomach twists tighter as he backs out of the empty room and hurries to Trey’s office.
“Trey. Trey, have you –“ he takes a deep breath, trying to collect himself as Trey looks up at him. “Where’s Maya?”
“Abe, she’s … did no one tell you when you were rescued? Maya … it’s been a few months now, man. She’s gone.”
Dread washes over Abe and the world fades out from around him.
“Gone? Gone where? Gone how?” He can see Trey open his mouth to respond, but can’t hear the words from the other man’s mouth, can’t make out the reply as everything spins out.
Abe wakes with a start, his whole body shaking with the force of it. As always, he immediately jerks away from where Maya lays next to him.
Only this time he notices that he can’t feel her warmth radiating through the sheets, and there’s no dip in the mattress from her body.
With great trepidation, Abe rolls over to look at the place in the bed where Maya should be.
It’s empty.
Not only is it empty, but the sheets clearly haven’t been touched all night. Nothing’s mussed or out of place.
She’s gone. Maya is gone. She’s gone and Abe is here. Alone. She’s left him here alone and now she’s gone.
He knows she’s visiting Matt this week, knows that they talked on the phone before he went to bed. They’ll talk again today, and she’ll be back on Thursday.
He knows this, but it doesn’t change anything. Doesn’t change that she’s gone and he’s alone. Doesn’t change that he’s grown used to having her around to comfort him when he wakes up like this. She’ll be back, he knows that, but what if she’s not?
He needs to call her.
Abe’s hands are shaking as he unlocks his phone, but mercifully she’s in his call log this time, right at the top of the call log, just like she should be.
He taps her name and focuses on taking deep breaths while it rings once, twice, three times.
“You’ve reached the automated voicemail box of …” a tinny recording picks up, but Abe cuts it off as it starts reciting her phone number and tries to ignore the building worry in his chest.
It doesn’t work, though, and before his brain can catch up, he’s in the kitchen, watching coffee drip through the filter even though he knows he’s not going to drink it and scrolling through his contacts for another name.
Trey pulls his arm from around Nona’s waist and rolls over, reflexively reaching for the baby monitor before he realizes that the offending noise is actually coming from his cell phone.
Nona stirs and he leans over to brush a soft kiss across her temple.
“Shh, she’s down. You’re good. Abe’s calling. I’m gonna take this on the patio, but I’ll be right back.”
Trey trudges down the hall, answering his phone as he unlocks the door.
“’ullo? Abe?” He steps out into the warm air and leans against the door, trying to cling to the edges of his sleep.
“Trey, oh my God. I know how this sounds, but you’ve heard of Maya, right?”
“Huh? Maya who?” He’s groggy, still trying to process Abe’s frantic rambles as he hears he phone clatter to the ground.
Abe slumps against the refrigerator and lets the phone slide out of his grasp.
He knew it. He knew she was gone. Or she wasn’t ever really his to begin with. He’d known it was too good to last. She probably never even went out with him; it was probably just all some weird mirage-y daydream while he was POW. Or else she used her visit with Matt to move away and leave him. If she ever existed at all. God, how could he be so stupid, he’s a Marine for God’s sa—
“ABE. ABRAHAM!” Treys’ voice cuts through his monologue, and he finally reaches down for his phone.
“I made her up, didn’t I?”
“Dobbins? Maya Dobbins? Your Maya? No, she’s real, dude. She’s just out of town. She’s visiting her brother, remember? Did you call her?”
“She didn’t answer.”
“That doesn’t mean she’s dead. Sometimes Nona screens my calls, man. Or misses them because she’s asleep. Maya will call you back tomorrow, I’m sure.”
“Yeah. Yeah, I guess.” He sounds distant now, distracted.
“Abe. You gonna be OK tonight?”
“Yeah, I’m just gonna … try and get some more sleep.” He switches off the coffee pot and heads back for his bedroom. “You’re, uh, you’re sure? That she’s … I woke up and she … she wasn’t. You said she was …”
“I lied. Fun fact: Dream Trey is a lying asshat. But this is real Trey. She’s real, man. I promise. Now get some sleep. I’ll see you at 0930.”
As he hangs up, Abe lays down and knows he’s not going to sleep anymore tonight. But he believes Trey, and he knows Maya will call him in the morning.
He plugs his phone back in and it lights up almost instantly with a text from Trey. He flicks the screen to open it and taps the picture to make it bigger.
It’s a picture he’s never seen before, of a moment he remembers perfectly, clearly taken from Trey’s office across the hall into Maya’s. A neat profile view, Abe is standing behind her chair with his arms wrapped around her shoulders. She’s looking up at him and they’re both laughing.
He closes out of the picture, and as he reads the attached message, he believes more than just Trey. He believes every word Maya’s ever said to him, and he believes that he’s good enough to hear them.
See? Really real.
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tenaciousarcadeexpert · 7 years ago
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Struggling to Forget(Part 1)
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@marvelfanlife, @dontshootmespence, @criminal-navy-writings, @butsomeofusarelookingatthestars, @ultrarebelheart, @acespence, @derekmorgansoffice, @itsmeedee
A semi sequel to the fic, Unstoppable.   It seems to be an endless path of nowhere as Matt runs through the forest at night. He tries not to look back as he sees a dark, unknown figure following him.  He tries to scream for help but to no avail, as he was all alone. Eventually he would lose the figure as he hides behind a large oak tree, trying to catch his breath. Once he regained his energy, he then looks around, behind the tree. Assuming that the coast is clear, he then tries to make a run for it, only to see the figure as he shoots him in the chest, the same area where he got shot by Alvaro.  In a state of shock, he collapses to the ground.  Just as he lies down on the ground where he continues to bleed, he heard his wife calling out his name. "Matt..." She said as her voice echoes in the wind. Was it really the end for him? Just then, the shadowy figure approaches him. With his heart pounding, Matt clenched his hand on top of his wound and raises his other hand to the man as he points his gun at him. Helpless, he closed his eyes as the man pulled the trigger. Suddenly he felt something grabbed him as he opens his eyes to find himself in the living room of his home with Kristy standing beside him as she calls his name while shaking his arm.   Matt looks to see his daughters playing on the floor in the living room and Jake and David playing with their toys before turning to Kristy. "Yeah?" Kristy tilts her head. "Is everything alright?" "I guess." He then lifts himself up on the sofa as she sat down beside him. "Why?" "You still seem to be shaken up after what happened." He sighs "I know, and I'm sorry. I guess it's not easy for me to go back into being the man I use to be." Kristy then rubs his back. "It happens. Besides, things like this takes time." "I know but even if these nightmares go away, the pain won't, along with the memories and the trauma associated with it. I don't even know if I can recover from this." She then cups his cheek. "Matt, you're strong. Don't worry, you'll get through this, I promise." "You sure?" "Yes, and I promise to be there for you." "You promise?" "Yes." Just then, the two slowly lean to a kiss as the kids looked on to say "ew." The couple smiled and chuckled in amusement as they pulled each other to a hug. As Matt hugs his eyes, he suddenly sees the same figure in his dreams, only this time, he has a better look at him. As he takes a closer look, he realized that it was Alvaro. Kristy, unaware of what's behind her, was about to pull out from the hug, Alvaro then pulls his gun out. "NO!" Matt yells as he pushes Kristy away just as Alvaro pulls the trigger.  Suddenly, he shot up straight in bed, where he wakes up to feel his heart pounding. He then looks around, trying to get a wince of where he was. Knowing that he was in his and his wife's bedroom, he sighs in relief knowing that it was all just a dream, or was it? This wasn't the only time it has ever happened. Since his encountered with Alvaro, Matt experienced several nightmares, each all had to deal with him and getting shot. He thought that these nightmares would go away, but they haven't. Why do these dreams keep happening to him? How will he be able to sleep? Will he be able to sleep? He rubs his face in frustration as he turns to see Kristy awake.  It turns out that the constant shaking from the bed and the loud grunts and heavy breathing caused her to wake up. Fortunately, the walls in their bedroom were soundproof in which luckily for Matt, did not wake up the kids. "Matt, is everything alright?" She asked but he didn't answer. "It's the nightmares, isn't it." She touches his back, feeling the sweat as she gently rubs. Matt turns to her, nodding in response. "Is there anything I can do for you? You need a glass of water? Cause if so, then I could get it-" "I'm fine." He bends his back as he looks down on the floor. "You know what, I don't think I can sleep." "Matt please-" "I'm sorry, but I can't-" Matt then gets off the bed as he runs out the room to clear his head.  Kristy wraps her arms around her legs as she ponders over the last few days that this has happened. It wasn't the first time he suffered from these nightmares and it won't be the last.     Kristy was concerned for her husband's well-being. A few weeks have passed since the incident involving him and Alvaro and yet it felt like yesterday.  After the events dealing with Alvaro and his grandfather, Matt has been a changed man. The once proud father and agent was now a sad and broken man who also became restless, distant and hypervigilant. Since then, there was never a moment where the the family goes out and that even the slightest touch and sound could startle him or constanly look around as if someone was watching him. She thought things couldn't get any worse, till she noticed a couple of empty beer cans hidden underneath the bed. Concerned for her husband, Kristy approaches him in the bathroom as he longingly stares at his reflection in the mirror.  Still shaken up, he washes his face and looks back up, only to look and see Kristy behind him.     "Oh uh, Kristy!" Matt said, startled by her presence. "It's just you. Sorry, I thought you were someone else." He then clutched his chest. "Matt, we need to talk." "About what?" "About this." She then lifts up the empty can of beer. "What? About the drink?" "No, about you." Matt sighs. "Look, I know what you're thinking but you shouldn't worry about me, I'm alright." "No Matt, I know when you're being honest and right now, you're not." She then cups both his cheeks. "Please tell me what's going on. Maybe I can help." He then shakes his head as he gently pulls her hands off his face. "No you can't, no one can." "Well, at least tell me what's on your mind." Matt was hesitant at first, but not wanting to hide anything from his wife, he then tells her how he's really feeling. "It's not just the nightmares, it's everything that has happened since the incident. It's so hard to move on from it, because no matter how hard I try, I always find myself back to the moment when I was shot." "But it's not just the gunshot." "No it wasn't. Do you remeber the time when you saw me all beat up and tortured." "I have, and it was a wife's worst nightmare." "Sometimes, I could almost remember everything like it was yesterday. Feeling each hit that was placed on my body, the sounds of laughter as I screamed in pain. I never forget anything that happened when I was tortured." He then rubs his wrist. "I even have the feeling on my wrists." Just then Kristy gently grabs on to Matt's wrists before pulling him to a hug. "I know how you've been feeling. A trauma like this isn't gonna go away over night, it takes time, but what you're doing right now isn't gonna help you. It'll just make things worse." "Things have already been worse, I'm just trying to make sure that it doesn't happen." "How? By staying up all night? Drinking? Isolating yourself? You haven't even called any of your friends. Maybe I should call them." "No Kristy, I don't need them right now." "Well then maybe I should call my boss and tell her that I need a week off just to help you recover." "No, don't" Suddenly, the two start arguing on how to deal with Matt's situation. Kristy tries to suggest whatever solution that could help her husband only for him to reject every single option she suggests. "Well, then what do you want to do, huh? You think you can handle this all by yourself!" "Maybe, maybe not! Look, I know you're trying to help but what I'm going through isn't easy to deal with. I don't think anyone can help me, no one can." "Not even me?" "No, not even you." He then turns his back on her. Just then, Kristy burst into tears. After hearing her cry, Matt slowly approaches her, cupping her cheeks and pressing his forehead onto hers. "Kristy, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. I don't even know what I was thinking." He sighs. "I guess you're right, maybe I do need help." "It's not just that, it's more." She then looks up to him. "You know how much I love you." "As a matter of fact, I do." "So you know that it hurts to see you like that. You've changed, and I'm worried that you're gonna be a different man than you use to be." Matt then strokes her head. "Don't worry, even if I do change, I'll still be the same man you married ten years ago, I promise." "I hope so." The two then smiled at each other, as they pulled each other in another hug. As the two hug, they suddenly pull out as they turn to see the twins, Chloe and Lily standing out from the room, unaware of the argument. Kristy then wipes away her tears and approached them. "What is it my little angels?" She calmly asked as she bends down. "Can daddy read us a bedtime story?" Chloe asked. "You think you can read them a story." Kristy said nonchalantly as she turns to Matt. "Of course." He was about to walk towards the twins before Kristy stops him. "What is it?" He whispered. "Nothing, but this conversation isn't over."   Knowing that she was right, he sighs and nods before walking away, much to her dismay. This wasn't the man that she married 10 years ago, no, the man that she just spoke to was different. Knowing that her husband needs help, she picks up her phone to make a few calls. "Hello, Emily? Yeah, it's me, Kristy. It's about Matt. Look, I know you guys are busy or something, but I was just wondering if you could make a few calls? Yeah, sure. Okay, thanks." She then hangs up as she looks at Matt who was cradling Chloe in his arms while Lily clings to his leg. Hopefully whatever she has planned could help him get through these tough times.
I apologize for any inaccuracies and or small mistakes in this fic. 
*If anyone else wants to be tagged for this fic just let me know.
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lindseyluvsdrag · 7 years ago
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It Takes Two Ch.12 (final chapter)
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Ignore any typos :)
TW: Domestic violence
Matt gratefully awoke to the smell of bacon, eggs and all other breakfast options that room service had to offer.
“Hi, honey,” Violet sweetly from the vanity across the room.
The man always worried when his wife used that tone in the morning because it usually meant that she enjoyed the sex from the previous night so much that she was already prepared to pounce on him again. Since he put his all into his performance, Matt still hadn't recovered enough to go for round two just yet.
“Hey,” he said sleepily. “When did you get food?”
“Few minutes ago, I was actually about to wake you up,” she said as she crossed the room in order to kiss the man before straddling him. “You made me so happy last night.”
“Of course I did,” he said smugly as he sat up.
“Going to the club, making me feel like I was the only woman in there, bringing me home and fucking me until I couldn't take it anymore, agreeing to get a vasectomy, cuddling me all night, w-”
“Wait, what? What did you say?”
“You fucked me until my legs were shaking and my toes were numb and-”
“No, after that.”
“You cuddled me in your strong arms all night.”
“Don't play with me, Violet. Before that! What did you say?”
“You agreed to get a vasectomy,” she replied, ready for the man's protests.
“Fuck no, no and more no.”
Violet pulled out her cellphone and proceeded to play the video from last night.
“Really?” Violet’s voice squealed on the video.
“Yeah, baby. I'll get snipped for you,” Matt mumbled into his pillow.
“Okay,” she chirped before the video ended.
Matt grabbed the woman's phone and tossed it over his shoulder onto the bed. “Get that shit out of here.”
“You said you'd get snipped, Matthew! Don't go back on your word.”
“I was high as fuck.”
“I don't care! Nobody told you to smoke and impair your judgement!”
“Okay, but that's like me trying to fuck you while you're drunk and I'm not. That's rape, Violet. You verbally raped me!”
The woman shoved her husband. “Shut up! Did not.”
“I said something while under the influence of two shots and a whole blunt and you recorded it to use against me. That's predatory, babe.”
Violet's scowl turned into a frown before the woman made her way back to the vanity in tears.
Matt groaned. “Why are you crying?”
“Because you're such a jerk to me! Like you just called me a rapist, Matthew,” she sniffled. “That's not okay.”
“Sorry,” he offered but the woman continued to cry. Matt rolled his eyes and made his way over to the room service cart. “Have you eaten?”
Violet ignored her husband.
“Fine, then I'll eat it all.”
Matt began to pile food onto his plate but his wife's sniffling in the background made him lose his appetite. “Violet, I apologized. What else do you want?”
“I want you to stick your word!”
“Well then keep on crying because that's not happening.”
Violet composed herself nearly instantly. She wiped her eyes and applied a coat of ruby red lipstick to her lips before pushing herself away from the vanity. Without a word, the woman began to grab her luggage.
“Violet, stop. You're not leaving,” Matt replied. “We don't check out until tomorrow afternoon and our flight doesn't leave until tomorrow night.”
The woman continued to silently gather her things but Matt blocked the exit. “Why are you being such a brat? I swear that Clark acts more mature than you sometimes.”
“Oh, Clark is more mature than me? Okay,” she said, making a mental note of the jab as she attempted to pass the man. Her husband wouldn't budge. “Get the fuck out of my way, Matthew!”
“Why are you trying to leave?! Because you aren't getting your way? Oh fucking well! Marriage is about compromise.”
“Well, maybe I don't want to be married,” Violet retorted with a snarl. “Let me out of this fucking room before I call the cops because this is false imprisonment!”
“Alright,” Matt said nonchalantly as he stepped out of his wife's way. He knew better than to let what Violet had said while angry affect him but that didn't mean it didn't hurt. The man turned and began to shout down the hotel's corridor at his wife. “So you wanna act dismissively about our marriage?! You wanna throw out divorce whenever you don't get your way?! You're such a damn brat and I'm gonna eat all of these muffins without you!” The man blew a raspberry and slammed the door.
---
“Okay, mini Lents. Time for bed,” Jake said as he lifted Parker out of his playpen while Clark whined on the couch.
“Noooo, uncle Jake, it's only seventy o’clock!”
“There's no such thing as seventy o'clock. Go run yourself some bath water.”
The girl folded her arms before an idea hit her. “Can I add bubbles and sparkles?”
“You can add all the sparkles you want as long as you bathe. You're starting to look like Pig-Pen from Charlie Brown.”
“Yay!” Clark pushed herself off of the couch and dashed up to the bathroom. The girl turned on the water prior to grabbing her favorite soap. She opened the bottle of pink, bubblegum scented body wash and began to pour it into the pool of water before it slipped out of her hands. “Oops!” As the suds quickly began to spread, Clark realized that dropping the soap wasn't necessarily a bad thing. The girl quickly pushed the button that turned on the bathtub jets. When the gushing water started to create even more bubbles, the excited girl couldn't help herself from rushing into her parents bedroom and then bathroom. As she made her way to Violet's products, Clark's eyes excitedly danced around the bottles before she began to choose ones that she wanted. “This oneeee and this oneeeee. Wait is this bubbles?” she asked as she glared at the label of the $60 shower gel and then the $110 bath salts. “Yes,” Clark answered herself before squealing in delight when she spotted one of her mother's bath bombs. “I remember what this can do!”
The girl piled the items of her choice into her arms and made her way back to the bathroom where her water had nearly filled the tub. Clark dumped her mother's expensive products to the mix and watched as the colors from the bath bombs foamed and changed from pink to orange to green to blue. “Pretty!” the girl squealed before climbing into the tub fully clothed.
“Why are you cryingggg?” Jake asks as he rocked the wailing Parker. “What about food? You want more food?” The man walked the baby to the kitchen and desperately looked for something to give to the cranky child. “What on Earth in here is toothless baby friendly?!” Jake opened the refrigerator. “Is this titty milk?” The man wrinkled his nose as he examined the clear pouch that contained the unknown white liquid. Jake quickly referred to the detailed 'important information’ text that Matt had forwarded from Violet. “Oh, gross it is titty milk.”
The man wrinkled his nose as he grabbed the pouch. Per Violet's heating instructions posted on the fridge, Jake heated his godson's milk, poured it onto a bottle and finally managed to quiet the temperamental child. Parker rubbed what little dirty blonde hair that he had as he lounged back into Jake's arms while he downed his bottle.
“You look like Buddha,”Jake said with a laugh. “Is it really that good?” The man thought for a second. “I would taste this but I'm not sure how Matt would feel about me tasting his wife's titty milk…”
Parker grunted and Jake cackled.
“Well, there's my answer. Okay, what's in here for me to eat then?” The man settled on a box of crackers but then raised an eyebrow. “Why are their crackers in the fridge?” He turned the box over and saw that it said ‘For Matt only’. Jake shrugged. “What's his is mine.” When Jake reached into the box, he made a face and pulled out the condom. “What the fuck? Why are there condoms in here?”
“Uh oh!” Clark nervously shouted from bathroom. “Uncle Jake!”
The man shoved the box of condoms back into the refrigerator before rushing up the stairs with Parker in his arms. When he made it to the bathroom, his jaw dropped when he saw the water overflowing out of the tub and onto the floor.
Jake quickly turned the water off and groaned. “Come on, mini Violet. What are you doing?”
“You told me to take a bathhh,” she sniffled.
“Yeah, take a bath not create an ocean. And you're still dressed, icaramba. Your mom is going to freak.”
“I'm sorryyy.”
Parker whimpered as he emptied his bottle before crying for more food.
“Ughhh, you just ate,” Jake groaned. “And you're soaking wet,” he said as he turned to Clark. “And these floors are probably going to be fucked up, ugh. I need to call in the reinforcements.”
*10 minutes later*
“Jake, are you okay?” Shea asked after the man opened the door for her. The woman carried a worried expression on her face and her 5 month old baby in her arms. “What's the emergency?”
“This is the emergency,” Jake said as he handed the wailing Parker to the woman. “He pooped.”
“Seriously?! Jake, I left Danny's set to come help you, I didn't know it'd be for a dirty diaper.”
“Oh, there's also that,” he said right on time as Clark dashed across the foyer in nothing but her underwear and red cape.
“I'm Super Clark and no evil doer shall prosperous!”
“Jake, just bride her with a comic book to put clothes on,” Shea exhaled. “I'm tired and I have so much to do and-”
“And the tub has overflowed, probably fucking up the hardwood as we speak and I may or may not have been tempted to taste Violet's breast milk and I may or may not have given in when Parker wasn't looking,” he rushed.
Shea made a face and rolled her eyes. “You're such a weirdo. Okay, hold Peter. Give me Parker.”
They traded babies and instantly felt the weight difference. “God, what are the feeding this kid? Bricks?” Shea asked.
“He eats like every 45 minutes. He'll need training bra soon,” Jake said before laughing.
Shea gave him a playful punch on the arm. “Stop. He's so fucking cute.”
Clark dashed into the room. “That'll be $1 each you cursing fiends!”
“Huh?” Shea asked.
“Don't ask questions, just pay up,” Jake advised.
The woman made a face and pulled out her wallet.
“Can you put a $1 in there for me too?” Jake asked. “I'm out of cash.”
“Okay.” When Shea placed the money in the jar, she noticed the $100 bill stuffed in there. “There's a $100 in here.”
“Yeah,” Jake said sheepishly. “You know how I am when I watch Ridiculousness.”
Shea rolled her eyes and proceeded to carry Parker to the living room. “It's okay, sweetheart. We all poop,” she cooed to the crying baby as she undid his onesie. She popped the baby's diaper opened and nearly fainted. “This shit is bigger than my child.”
“He eats like a grown man,” Jake regaled. “Milk every 45 minutes and whenever he sees food he gets so happy. His entire chubby face lights up.”
Shea quickly changed the baby's diaper and passed it to Jake. “Throw that away and leave him alone. He's an adorable little fluffy monsterrr. Aren't you, Parker?”
The baby giggled and excitedly kicked his legs.
“Oh my God, you're too cute.”
Peter whimpered in Jake's arms.
“Uh oh, you're making this one jelly,” Jake said as he simply tossed Parker's diaper over his shoulder.
“Aww, come here my little Pookie.” Shea reached for her baby and Jake handed over the curly haired child with large brown eyes that were quickly filling with tears. His mother kissed his cheeks. “What's wrong, my love?” Peter quickly calmed down and smiled but then Parker began to grunt. “Hey, hey, you guys need to get along,” Shea encouraged as she pulled Parker into her other arm.
“Damn, Parker is nearly twice Peter's size.”
“That's okay,” Shea assured. “They're both perfect little beauties.”
“Can I be their trainer for the Hunger Games?” Jake asked.
“You’re so dumb,” Shea said with a laugh. “I'd better get going.”
“Noooo, what about the bathroom?”
“What about it Jake?” Shea asked in exasperation.
“It has a pool in it!”
“So, clean the shit up!”
Seemingly out of nowhere, Clark appeared out of nowhere with her swear jar.
“What?” Shea asked. “I didn't curse.”
“You said the S word Miss Shea,” Super Clark chirped.
Shea made a face and turned to Jake.
“I didn't hear anything,” Jake said just to tease Clark.
“Well, I did so pay up!”
The woman scoffed as she reached for her purse. “What are you going to do with all this money?” She placed a dollar in the jar.
“Buy a Bentley,” she chirped as she skipped away.
“Wha- I don't even have a Lexus let alone a Bentley. I swear these kids.”
Jake grabbed Peter and then Parker from the woman's arms. “Okay, help me with the bathroom.”
“Jakeee,” Shea groaned. “I'm tired.”
“Come on, sis. I'll make it up to you. I'll babysit anytime you want.”
“You wouldn’t change Parker and you let Clark flood the bathroom. You think I want you babysitting at my house?!”
“Yes,” the man said with a shrug.
“No,” she said bluntly.
“Sheaaa,” the man practically whined. “Remember that time in 11th grade that your swimsuit bottom came off on the school trip and David Edwards, your ultimate crush was approaching and I stepped in to distract him while you found your panties. You told me that you'd owe me for life and-”
“Okay! God damn you're annoying.”
“I love you, sisss.”
The woman groaned again. “You watch the boys while I assess the damage.” Shea pushed herself off of the couch and made her way up the stairs.
The second that the woman was up the stairs, Jake placed the babies in the play pen. “You guys are about to lift some weights.” The man handed each of the babies a plush stuffed animal. “Lifttt, Peter. You gotta get guns like Parker.”
“Oh my God,”  Shea groaned when she saw the mass amounts of water and bubbles that practically filled the entire bathroom. She sighed began the clean up by removing the stopper from the tub. “You could've at least drained the tub, Jake!” the woman shouted down the steps.
The man couldn't hear the comment as he urged the 5 month old babies to race as if he was conducting the Gerber Olympics. “Come on guys, the first one to crawl to the beanie baby gets the cookie. Go, go, gooo!” When Parker rolled onto his back and giggled, Jake scoffed. “Nooo, Tubs! I had $5 on you!”
---
Surrounded by muffins, Matt flipped through the tv channels. “God, there's nothing on!” The man stuffed a piece of blueberry muffin into his mouth before blindly reaching for the phone. He craned his neck to see the numbers list prior to pressing 9.
“Front desk, how may I help you?” a female voice answered.
“Yeah, hi. There's literally nothing on tv and I was wondering if I could order some porn or something.”
“Um..sure. Use your remote to access the purchasable... adult movies,” the woman said quietly, doing her best to remain professional.
“Okay, and I'd like to charge everything to my wife's credit card.”
“Oh, Sir, I cannot do that.”
“Bummer. Well, thanks anyway.” Matt hung up his phone. “I guess I'll go swimming,” he grumbled as he grabbed his beach towel and a few muffins. The man skipped out of his hotel room only to bump directly into the woman. He quickly apologized before he got a good look at her. “Farrah?” Matt asked in disbelief.
He hardly recognized his ex-girlfriend with red hair, but the disproportionate boob job and the layers of makeup that concealed the purple bruising around her left eye made her look like an entirely different person. The woman glanced up at Matt through frightened eyes before her gaze returned to the floor as if they'd been trained to do so. Despite this, she might've stopped to say hello to him, but the man who held onto her arm gave it a firm squeeze that ordered the woman to keep moving.
Matt was too stunned for words to call out for her again as he watched the man and woman enter room 113. The man dropped his muffins and rushed over to the door in order to pound on it. “Farrah!”
The man who'd pulled the woman into the room opened the door. “What the fuck, dude! We're busy here.”
“You’re not gonna be busy with her! She's my...sister.”
A conflicted expression crossed the man's face, and before he could respond, Matt barged into the room and demanded that Farrah put her top back on before he grabbed her wrist and led her towards the exit.
“Hey, I already paid for my time!” the man protested.
Matt picked up one of his muffins from the floor and tossed it at the man before rushing the woman to his room.
“Farrah, what the hell are you doing being an escort?!”
The woman flinched but didn't respond.
“I'm sorry,” Matt offered. The man was heartbroken that the usually bubbly woman had turned into a fearful shell of her former self.
“I should go,” she said quietly.
“But why?” Matt pleaded. “Farrah, that's not something you have to do.”
“It is!” she shouted back. “And oh my God, he's going to kill me.” The woman began to hyperventilate as she rushed towards the exit. Matt quickly cut her off.
“Who's going to kill you?”
“My boyfriend!”
“The guy in the room?”
“No, he's...a customer.”
“Farrah-”
“My boyfriend and I were struggling to pay bills,” she sniffled, “And he told me that the only way we could make money was for me to do this. It started with some webcam stuff and that made a little money but then he told me that I needed to get my boobs done to make more money.”
“Oh my God, Farrah, you should-”
“Please, Matty. This is hard enough.”
“I'm sorry. But how did you go from webcam girl to an escort?”
“My boyfriend,” she said quietly. “We needed money and...and..he hit...” As the woman began to cry, Matt pulled her into an embrace.
---
Violet stared out of her Uber's back window the entire ride to the airport.
“He better be following me,” she grumbled. When she exited the car, the woman gave her husband a grace period of 5 minutes before stomping her foot. “Matthew James Lent, you're supposed to chase me to the ends of the Earth!” Violet pulled out her cell phone and dialed the first number on her speed dial. The phone rang until it went to voicemail. “Um, excuse me, Matthew. Are you seriously just going to let me get on an airplane and fly across the country alone? I don't care if you're mad at me, what about my safety? Who am I going to snuggle in first class? You know what? Forget about it, asshole. I'm leaving without you.” Violet hung up the phone and took three large steps towards the airport but groaning. She turned on her heel and hailed down a cab. “Take me to the Ritz Carlton downtown.”
---
Farrah's tears made her makeup run down her cheeks, allowing Matt to get a better look at what the woman's abuser had done.
“Matty, I really have to get out of here before he finds me and gets really angry and,” she said as her body began to involuntarily tremble.
“You're not going anywhere,” Matt said protectively. “And if I find him,” he emphasized, “I'll probably go to jail for attempted murder.”
“Don’t. He's insane,” she sniffled.
“Well, so am I when you fuck with someone I love.”
Farrah looked up at him through tear filled eyes. “You love me?”
“You know I have love for you,” Matt assured. “I was with you every day for like six weeks straight so of course I care about your well-being.”
The woman sniffled and clung to the man's body seemingly for dear life. “Leaving you was the biggest mistake that I ever made in my life.”
Matt had no idea how to respond to the words so he just returned the woman's embrace.
“I wanted to get you back, but your daughter had already been born and you were dating…whatever her name is.”
“Hey, her name is Violet. Be respectful of my wife.”
“I should've been your wife!” Farrah sobbed.
Matt did his best to think of a way to console the woman, but he froze when his wife stormed into the room. Violet was thoroughly prepared to demand why the man hadn't followed her to the airport, but a range of emotions flashed across her face before she launched at whoever she could get her hands on first.
Farrah managed to escape to a corner, leaving Matt to take the brunt of Violet's attack.
“What the fuck is going on here?!” she snarled. “Who is this bitch?! Why is she in our room?! Why were you hugging her?!”
Matt firmly grasped onto his wife's arms at the expense of getting his own arms clawed by her nails. “Babe, stop! It's just Farrah.”
Violet paused for a split second to take in Farrah's new appearance before returning to her assault on Matt. “Why the fuck is she here?! Looking like the syphilis riddled Jessica Rabbit!”
“It's a long story,” Matt admitted.
“You better make a long story short and fast!”
“Okay, so-”
“Honestly, I don't care, Matthew!” Violet screeched. “There's no reason to have your ex in our hotel room! The second that I leave, she's here like what the fuck?! Are you cheating?!”
Matt took offense to the words. “No,” he said sternly. “You know I'd never cheat you.”
“Do I?! also thought that you'd never sneak around with your ex but you've proved me wrong!” Violet was so angry that she began to cry and hyperventilate.
“Baby, calm down and breathe.”
“I'll leave,” Farrah said quietly before making her way towards the exit.
“Farrah, no,” Matt pleaded. “You can't leave. I won't let you get hurt.”
Violet had no idea what the context of the conversation was, but she became hysterical over what she heard. “You pretty much just chose her over me and I feel like throwing up,” she wheezed.
“Violet, if you'd let me explain-”
“If it was me, I wouldn't have to explain! I'd never be in a hotel room with my ex for any reason without you knowing!”
The man huffed in exasperation. Now fully aware that he wouldn't be able to share what was going on, he was already thinking of ways to make it up to the woman. “Okay, Violet, I get it. What do you want me to do?”
“You've done enough,” she sobbed. “I came back here to see why you weren't with me and now I know why. I'm going home to my babies. You continue to do what you want.”
Violet attempted to pull away but Matt held onto her arms.
“Let me go, Matthew!”
The woman's tone made the man feel hopeless so he obliged.
Violet stormed towards the exit. “Don't expect us to be home when you get back,” she added before stomping out.
“Whoa, what do you mean?” Matt demanded as he followed his wife but Violet ignored the man while she made her way down the corridor.
He groaned as he returned to the room, unsure what to do until the thought of Violet taking his kids away hit him. “I have to go,” he said to Farrah.
The woman sniffled before nodding. “Even though she doesn't deserve you, you have to keep your family together.”
Matt didn't respond to her as he began to stuff clothes and muffins into his suitcase.
“It was so good to see you,” Farrah sniffled while making her way to the exit. “I love you,” she whispered. The woman exited the room and fearfully dashed down the hallway.
Matt barely noticed the woman's absence until he heard the blood curdling scream emanate from hallway. The man rushed out of his room and dashed out towards where the noise had come from just in time to see Farrah being told to shut up as she was dragged by her hair into room 113.
“Hey!” Matt shouted as he sprinted over.
The man immediately released the woman. “Go inside,” he ordered Farrah before turning to face Matt who responded by punching the man square in the face. Then again. Then again. Matt pounded the man wherever his fists happened to land.
Farrah's pleas of ‘stop, Matty! You'll kill him!’ went on deaf ears as Matt continued to pummel the man until hotel staff and good samaritans who'd already called police pried him away.
Only when the handcuffs were slapped on him did Matt break out of his rage induced blackout. “No, no, officer, let me explain. This is my ex and she told me that her new boyfriend was basically beating her ass and pimping her out.”
“That's not true,” the bloodied mouth man spewed.
“It is!” Matt snarled back. “It was my legal right to beat your ass!”
“Quiet!” the officer ordered before turning to Farrah. “Is any of what he said true, ma'am?”
Tears escaped the eyes that Farrah couldn't bear to look at Matt with. “No,” she said, barely audible.
“You've got to be kidding me,” Matt groaned.
“I love my boyfriend and he'd never hurt me,” the woman said robotically.
“Farrah, stop!” Matt begged. “This is your chance to get out. If you don't, I guarantee that he will eventually kill you!”  
The woman began to sob but wouldn't say anything further.
“Let's go,” the officer said as he pulled Matt along.
The man's thoughts ran a million miles an hour.  “Wait, no. Look at her fucking black eye! He did that to her and I'm the one going to jail?!”
“She has a black eye that she won't admit that her boyfriend did but I have dozens of witnesses that saw you pummel this guy and he's pressing charges.”
“Farrah!” Matt shouted back at her. “You need to speak up! I can't take a fucking charge for this, I have kids!”
The woman wanted to say something so badly but as she formed her mouth to fix something, her boyfriend grabbed her hand.
“Come on, babe,” he said in a tone that was only familiar to Farrah. The woman began to tremble.
“Well, take care of yourselves,” the rest of the police said as they walked away.
For a split second, Farrah mustered up the courage to speak up but she only managed to let out a peep before her boyfriend's hand was crushing her windpipe and shoving her into their hotel room.
---
Matt continued to shout profanities and beg the officers to let him off with a warning all the way up until he was being shoved into the back of the cop car.
“Would you shut up?!” the officer shouted.
“I can't go to jail! My wife is already pissed at me and my kids-”
“If you'd shut up and listen, you'd know that you aren't going to jail,” he retorted. “We know exactly who that guy is and what he does to that poor woman. She calls 911 at least once a week and hangs up. When we arrive, despite having a black eye or a bloody nose, she claims that she didn't call. Since she won't press charges or no other people ever witness it, we can't do anything. But we were so fucking happy when we saw how bad you beat his ass.” The second cop agreed and attempted to give Matt a high five but quickly realized that the man was still in handcuffs.
“So you guys aren't going to do anything about him beating her?”
“We can't.”
Matt groaned and fought his tears. “That's so fucked up. He's probably up there killing her and you guys are doing nothing!”
“We tried just like you tried and you saw how fast she threw you under the bus.”
Matt scoffed before sighing. “You're right. But I can't be mad at her for being scared.”
“You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. Go get your kids, dude.”
Matt nodded and the cops released him from his handcuffs. “Just promise that you'll keep trying to help her.”
“That's our job,” the officer assured.
Matt nodded his head and glanced up at Farrah's hotel window before walking away.
---
Peter and Parker both attempted to beat each other towards the cookie that Jake had place on the floor in front of them.
“Go, mini Matt, go! You know you want that cookie. Harness your leg power!”
Shea sighed in exasperation as she descended the stairs. “All clean. Dude, you owe- what the hell are you doing?”
When Peter saw his mom, he began to whimper for her attention. Shea picked up the baby.
“Nooooo,” Jake groaned. “They were so close!”
“Are you making them race?” Shea asked.
“Duh! I'm training them to be gold medalists at the 2044 Olympics but you're ruining it.”
Peter stared down and attempted to reach for the cookie that remained on the floor, nearly within Parker's reach.
“See, he wants it!” Jake said. “But you can't be spoiled, carried by your Mom and have the cookie, Peter. And to think I was willing to give $100 to the winning toddler.”
Shea raised an eyebrow. “$100?” The expert gambler asked. “Make it $200 and throw in a diaper genie if Peter wins.”
“But if Mini Matt wins, he wants a year's supply of Oreos and I want...well, we'll both take a year's worth of Oreos.”
“Deal,” Shea said.
“You're on!” Jake declared.
The babies were reset at the starting line. The drooling Parker was so determined to get the cookie and had the snack within his grasp just as his mother stormed into the house. By the stomp of her Louboutins, anyone who knew the woman would've instantly began to panic. Jake gulped when he saw her but before the man could get a greeting out, the germaphobe saw that her child was about to grab a cookie off of the floor. The woman exploded.
“What the fuck is going on here?! Parker, no!” she fumed as she rescued the baby from the contaminated cookie which resulted in his heartbroken tears.
“Heyyy, Violet. You're home early, I wasn't expecting you to get back until Sunday night,” he stammered.
“Well, I'm here now because I'm contemplating divorcing your boy,” she retorted.
“What? Hold on, where is Matt?”
“In LA with his ex-whore!”
Jake made a face. “What whore?”
“Farrah! I caught them together!”
“In bed together?”
“No, but she was conveniently in our room while I was away. That's bullshit and I'm done with his ass.”
The man scoffed. “Farrah lives in LA and they probably just ran into each other and started to catch up,” he defended. “You have no idea how much Matty loves you, so don't even entertain ideas of him cheating.”
Violet scowled. “Jake, get out of my house. I really don't want to hear anything you have to say.”
He rolled his eyes. “Thank you for watching my children, Jake. I really appreciate it,” the man said sarcastically.
“Did I ask you to?! No! I’d rather have gorillas babysit them because they clearly have twice the mental capacity that you have! It smells like shit in here and you were about to let my baby eat off of the floor, so please, see yourself out.”
Jake mumbled something under his breath but refused to speak to the irrational woman anymore as he grabbed his belongings and exited, leaving Shea and Peter to fend for themselves in the lion's den.
Shea awkwardly cleared her throat. “For what it's worth, Matty never cheated while we were married. Unless you count while whenever we were separated, but... I don't think you should cause if that's the case, he technically cheated on me with you and... yeah... nevermind,” Shea said as she could practically feel the heat oozing off of Violet's skin. She grabbed Peter who was now gumming the cookie to death while Parker glared. “I'll see myself out as well. Bye, Clark,” she said as she paced towards the exit.
Super Clark dashed across the foyer, giving the woman a quick hug before skipping to her mother. “Hi, Mommy!” she squealed as she exited her imagination and finally realized that the woman was back. Clark hugged her mother's legs. “I missed you!”
The affection was enough to soften Violet's attitude. “Aww, I missed you too, baby. Where are your clothes?” she asked despite knowing better than to question Super Clark.
“I don't need them. Where is Daddy?”
“He's not here,” she said sharply.
“But-”
“Clark, do you want to go somewhere fun?”
“Yes! Will Daddy be there?”
Violet rolled her eyes. “You act like I can't take you somewhere fun by myself.”
Super Clark folded her arms. “You think the dentist is fun.”
“Okay, whatever. We're not going to the dentist.”
“Where are we going?”
“I'm not sure yet but we just need to get out of this house.”
“Let's go meet, Daddy,” Clark suggested.
“No!” her mother fumed before composing herself. “Okay, what if we go to Hawaii where Moana lives? You like Moana.”
“Yayyy!” the girl cheered. “Daddy can meet us there!”
Violet groaned and pressed her fingers against one temple. “Sure, Clark. He'll meet us there. Now, go start packing your bags. I'll be there to help in a minute.”
The girl squeaked in excitement as she dashed out of the living room and up the stairs to her bedroom.
Violet turned to Parker who still sported a teary frown. “Aww, what's wrong, sweetheart?”
The baby whimpered.
“Oooh, you wanted that cookie. Honey, we can't eat things off of the floor. I'll get you a new one.”
Violet made her way into the kitchen and nearly had a panic attack when she saw all the take out boxes that decorated the counters and the fast food bags that overflowed out of the trash. The woman counted to ten and at this point, prioritized being pissed off at her husband over having a clean kitchen. She quickly retrieved a cookie for Parker in order to reinforce his loyalty before she made her way to pack their things.
---
Matt was grateful to see Jake's caller ID flash across his screen as he anxiously tapped his foot in the airport waiting area. The man immediately answered.
“Hey, dude. Sorry I didn't call sooner, there's been so much drama and I wasn't thinking clearly. I'll be there to get the kids out of your hair in a few hours.”
“Well, Violet already came. She's on a verbal rampage and it's not very nice,” he said as if he was a toddler. “She's pissed for catching you with Farrah.”
“She told you that?”
“Yes! But I know you didn't cheat on her because I know you better than that...right?”
“Of course I didn't cheat! I saw Farrah and she looks like a silicone Ronald McDonald! Her boyfriend is beating her ass and she won't do anything to get away. I tried to help and comfort her and that's what Violet saw.”
“Oh damn,” Jake exhaled. “I would ask if you tried to tell her this, but it's Violet so obviously not.”
“Yeah, I couldn't get a word in. And now she's talking about taking the kids and not being home when I get back so I'm really trying to hurry.”
“Oh, that's foul. No offense but she can be so full of venom sometimes. Although, the titty milk wasn't half bad.”
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“Do you think you could swing by the house and stale her?” the man asked.
“No, Matty, I would like to continue living please and thank you.”
“Fair enough,” he sighed. “If she leaves, I'll scour the Earth for them if I have to.”
Jake groaned. “Why you gotta do this to me?”
“Do what?”
“Nothing. I'll do whatever I can to help you.”
“Thanks, bro. Love you.”
“Yeah, yeah. Get your ass home safe.” Jake hung up the phone. He continued to rummage through the Lent's neighbor's trash. "Score!” the man said as he found a wall mounted talking fish. “I knew going through these rich people's shit would produce treasures.” Jake tucked the fish underneath his arm before rushing back to the Lent's doorstep. He ran the doorbell. Moments later, he jumped at the sound of Violet's voice blaring over the security system.
“What the hell are you doing here?” the woman demanded.
“Can you see me? Where is the camera?”
“Why the fuck are you here?!”
God she's scary, he thought. “Um... I think I left my biker jacket in there.”
“Good. I'll burn it.”
“What? No! That's fashion, ma'am. Isn't it sacreligious for you to disrespect it like that?”
“Biker jackets are so three years ago. Get away from my house.”
“Not until I find my jacket.”
“If you don't leave, I'm calling the cops.”
“Wait, wait. If you call the cops you won't be able to see the nudes that your friend Naomi sent me after admitting that she had the hots for me,” he lied.
“That's bullshit. Naomi would rather wear knock offs.”
“She was feeling vulnerable after the Raven thing and we hooked up in your bathroom at your Thanksgiving dinner.”
“Fuck all the way off. No way.”
“I can show you the pictures!”
“Then show me. Hold your phone up to the camera and show me.”
“Umm-”
“You're full of shit,” Violet immediately accused. “Naomi wouldn't touch you with a fifty foot pole.”
“Okay, fine. You caught me. I lied about hooking up with Naomi. But I'd really like to. Can I have her number?”
“Ew, just stop! She's getting married in two months.”
“Oh, congratulations. But why you gotta say ew? That's not the nicest thing to say to your kid's godfather.”
When he didn't hear a response, Jake rang the doorbell again.
“I'm calling the cops!” Violet shreked.
Jake sprinted down the street.
---
Bro, I couldn't do it. She threatened to call the police.
Jake's words rang repeatedly in Matt's mind. The man nearly collapsed from exhaustion when he stumbled into his home. “Violet!” he called despite knowing that the woman was long gone. The man rushed to his bedroom and caught a faint hint of his wife's perfume. He then rushed to his daughter's room. When he saw that her cape was missing from her closet, he knew that it was official.
The man attempted to control his anxiety attack as he called his wife for the hundredth time that night. It went straight to voicemail.
“Hi, you've reached the voicemail of Violet -soon to be divorced- Lent. If this Matthew, stop calling me!”
*Beep*
“Baby, please. Where are you? I really need to speak to you and see the kids. Coming home to an empty house has me on the verge of losing my mind and I'm about to do something drastic. Violet, baby, I love you. I-”
*Beep*
The man let out a primal groan. “Where would she take the kids? Disney? No...she hates the lines. I know she's been wanting to go to Paris but...Paris is too delicate for Clark. The Bahamas again? Doubt it. Ughhhh. Why didn't I get the damn tracker on her phone? Fuck, fuck, fuck.” The man thought long and hard until it finally dawned on him. “I know who will know where they are.”
---
Naomi twirled in the tea length wedding dress. “What do you think, Allison?” she asked her soon-to-be step daughter.
“I think it's cute but I don't think it's good for a wedding,” the eight year old admitted. “Dad told me to tell you to find someone that shows your butt,” she said with a giggle.
The woman playfully rolled her eyes. “Of course he did.”
“What about Miss Violet? Why isn't she shopping with us today?”
“Well, today is just to get a feel for what I want. This is my second wedding, ya know so I definitely want something different.”
The girl nodded. “What about something blue?”
“Ooo, colored wedding dresses are totally in.”
Before Naomi could call the boutique consultant to ask her to pull more dresses, Matt slinked around the corner towards her. The man had the look of desperation wired so powerfully through his eyes that it made Naomi want to pull out her pepper spray.
“Where are they?” he unintentionally snarled.
The woman gulped. “W-Who?” she stammered.
“My wife and kids!”
Allison flinched at the man's shouting before rushing to Naomi's side so that she could hide behind her full skirt and discreetly text her father for help. Naomi regretted posting her location but she was never one to back down.
“Look, Matthew,” the woman said sternly. “You look insane and someone is bound to call the cops if you don't chill out.”
“You should know by now that I don't care about cops. I know that you know where they are and I'm not leaving until you tell me,” he retorted.
“Violet doesn't want to be bothered with you and neither do I! You're ruining my time with my kid and if you don't leave, I will have security throw you out.”
Moments later, Joey arrived at the boutique and intervened between the shouting match.
“Babe, what are you doing here?” Naomi asked as she attempted to hide the details of her dress just in case it was the one.
“Allison texted me and said that she was scared of some crazy man.” When Joey saw Matt, he wasn't surprised. “What's going on?”
“She needs to tell me where my wife and kids are!” Matt demanded.
“And I'm here with Allison trying to find a damn dress and he's being so disrespectful.”
Matt began to shout back before Joey grabbed his shoulder. Matt snatched away and was thoroughly prepared to defend himself.
Joey raised his hands. “Hey, I just wanna talk to you outside. Man to man.”
Matt shot Naomi a narrow eyed glare before following Joey outside. Just in case the man swung, Matt had both of his balled up and was ready for anything.
“They're in Maui,” Joey said.
Matt's eyebrows shot up. “My family?”
“Yeah. Man to man, I don't appreciate how you scared my daughter as you confronted my fiance but also man to man, if Naomi left me, I'd go crazy trying to find her too. So I'll let you know now that they're in Maui.”
Matt offered Joey a hug. “I apologize to you for being disrespectful to them.”
“I can accept that. I'm sure Violet is staying at the fanciest hotel in Maui,” Joey said with a chuckle.
“Oh, I know exactly what hotel she's at. Just give me a city and I can tell you what hotel spoils her the most.”
Joey laughed. “Naomi will probably be mad at me for breaking 'girl code’ but-”
“Hey, it's bro code. She'll be okay. Thanks, again man. I'm gonna get going. I have a plane to catch.”
---
“Parker if you try to eat that sand one more time, I'm gonna spank your little chubby butt,” Violet said as she attempted to make sand castles with the sand that she'd just sanitized. Parker flung the sand everywhere as he attempted to occasionally sneak some into his mouth while Clark pouted as she lounged on her beach towel.
“Where is Daddy?” the girl asked. “He makes the best sand castles and doesn't spray it with Lysol.”
“Would you hush your mouth for once? God, the entire way here you were like 'where’s Daddy? Where's Daddy? Wha wha wha’,” the woman mocked. “Why can't you just enjoy being with your brother and I?”
“I am but it's bestest with Daddyyyy.”
“You whine more than Parker.”
“What can I say? I'm a Gemini,” the girl retorted.
“Pfff, so am I and I don't whine about anything.”
Clark rolled her eyes and grabbed her comic book. She couldn't read the words, but the girl enjoyed flipping through the pictures.
“Parker, what did I tell you?” Violet reprimanded as she dusted the frowning child's tongue from the grains of sand. “I'm gonna get you. Mommy's gonna get youuuu.” The woman lifted her chubby baby into her arms and showered him with kisses.
“Pfff, if it was me I'd be in big trouble,” Clark grumbled.
Violet overheard her daughter and frowned. “Clark, come play with us.”
Clark lifted her sunglasses. “Really?”
“Of course! I want to spend time with both of my babies.”
“Okay,” she sighed. Clark stood and made her way next to her mother but before she could sit down, the girl took off as she sprinted towards the pier.
“Clark!” Violet shouted after her as she quickly scooped Parker into her arms before going after her awol daughter. She froze when she saw the man.
“Hi, Daddy!” Clark cheered as she jumped into Matt's arms.
“Hey, boo!” he sniffled. “I missed you so much.” After showering her with kisses, Matt pulled the girl to his back as he made his way towards his wife.
Violet had no idea if she wanted to run or throw sand in the man's face, but she did know that she was pissed.
“How did you find out that we were here?” she demanded.
“Does it matter?”
“Yes, Matthew! I don't want to be around you!”
Parker reached for the man and it nearly broke Violet's heart.
“Really, Parker?” she asked.
“What do you mean really?” Matt demanded. “These are my kids and you ought to be happy that I love them and you as much as I do. You're lucky that I'm not one of those pathetic guys out there who know they have kids but don't give a fuck about them.”
“Yeah, I'm sure that I should be happy and accept all of that as well as your infidelity?”
The man groaned and attempted to lower Clark to the ground but the girl clung onto her father like a spidermonkey.
“Clark, take you and your brother over there and play in the sand while Mom and I talk.”
“Fine,” she sighed. The girl slid off of her father's back and attempted to grab her bowling ball sized brother and nearly toppled over. She resorted to sliding the heavyset child across the sand to Parker's extreme amusement.
Violet watched as her kids made it to the blanket. “Make sure he doesn't eat any sand,” she said before turning her attention back to Matt.
There was a long pause before the man could suppress his emotions enough to speak. “Violet, I'm really at crossroads with you. I just don't understand why you would leave, take the kids and not tell me where the hell you are. If I did that to you, you'd be ready to kill me!”
“Fuck yes I would,” she admitted.
“See! It's that double standard shit that I can't stand. If I stormed off while you were trying to explain yourself, you'd go ape shit, but I'm just supposed to accept it and let you take my kids away. No,” he said sternly. “Did being damn near on the other side of the world stop me from finding you? Fuck no! I love you and my kids and nothing's gonna stop that. Especially not you. You-”
“You're not going to come here and try to point the finger at me, Matthew! I'm not the one that was caught in a hotel room with my ex! And you had the audacity to say 'Farrah, wait, don't go,’ right in front of me! Fuck you, Matthew!”
“Okay, but if you knew what she was going through-”
“You should be well aware that I don't give a fuck about what Farrah is going through. I don't accept that as an excuse.”
“You won't take domestic violence as an excuse, but you can eye fuck your areial instructor and think that's okay?! You're being so damn unreasonable right now!”
Violet made a face. “Okay, whatever Matthew. Farrah's in this alleged tough situation but you still chose her over me. Did I tell you about my instructor? Yes. Did you tell me you were in the hotel with Farrah, hugged up? No. So fuck that shit.”
“Fuck your shit! You're literally driving me insane and I don't know what the hell you want from me!”
Violet burst into tears. “I felt so disrespected by you and it's not fair. I should never feel like your second priority when it comes to another woman. I'm like traumatized, Matthew.”
At this point, Matt knew that no matter what he said, it would fall on heartbroken ears. “Okay, Violet. I don't know what to do anymore. Don't ever take my kids away from me again. I'll deal with whatever 'consequence’ you want, just don't ever do that shit again.”
“I'm sorry,” she sniffled.
The man stole a kiss from his wife's pouty lips before she turned away.
“Tell me what I could possibly do to make it better.”
“Nothing will change how I felt in that moment,” the woman sobbed. “But, I know what you can do as a start.”
---
Matt crumpled the edge of his hospital robe, keeping his anxiety attack at bay as he laid across the sterile sheet of paper that protected the medical cot in his urologist's office.
There was a knock at the door before a way too eager man entered the room. “Hello, Matthew! Happy Vasectomy! Hope you feel zippy, cause when I had mine, I got real snippy!”
Without a word, Matt pushed himself off of the cot and rushed out of the room.
---
“Jake, the guy came in like Dr. Frankenstein, wanting to happily snip my balls off because he's a damn psycho,” Matt said into the phone as he paced the hospital bathroom he'd escaped to.
“He's like a traitor to the male species. What man  wants to mutilate another man's genitals?”
“A damn sicko that's who. I'm not doing that shit.”
“I totally support you bro, keep your manhood. But what are you going to do now? Violet is expecting you to be fixed when she picks you up.”
“I have an idea.”
---
Matt aimlessly wandered the hospital before finding a nurse willing enough to take his $200 bribe. The woman found a wheelchair and pushed the man out into the lobby where his wife was waiting. Matt put on the best post surgery face he could make while he pressed the prop ice pack to his groin.
“Awww, my poor baby,” Violet said sympathetically. “Are you in a lot of pain?”
“I just had my balls snipped,” he lied, “what do you think?”
“Well, I'm sorry babe but it just had to be done.”
“It's okay. You're worth it.”
Violet smiled and placed a gentle kiss on her husband's lips. “I'm gonna take good care of you,” she promised.
The words immediately made the man's groin tighten. He cleared his throat. “So how long until we can have sex?”
“It is generally recommended that you wait for eight to 16 weeks,” the nurse replied.
“What?!” Matt and Violet shouted in collaborative disbelief.
“It is recommended that you wait this long because, for the first 15 to 20 ejaculations you have after a vasectomy, there will still be active sperm present in your system.”
“Eww,” Violet groaned.
“Why didn't you research that shit?” Matt asked.
“They're your balls, you should've done the research!”
The man was grateful that he hadn't gone through with the procedure. “Wow, Violet. Thank you for being a supportive wife.”
The woman rolled her eyes. “You're an asshole.” She sighed. “I'll pull the car around. Let's go home.”
---
Over the next few days, Matt played the post-vasectomy victim so well that he should've won an Oscar for his performance. He stayed in bed and demanded junk food that was delivered by Violet and even Clark who was told that her father had an operation to remove all of the gum that he'd swallowed over the years from his stomach. The girl promised to never swallow her bubblegum again and reprimanded her father for doing so.
“Can I go to the doctor with youuu?” Violet asked.
Matt shook his head. “It's just a check up, I don't need you.”
“But I need you,” she retorted. “As soon as the doctor clears you for sex then I'm gonna knock the cobwebs off your balls.”
Matt cackled.
“So I'm going.”
“No you're not. I'm going to the comic store afterwards and I don't wanna hear you whine.”
“I won'tttt,” she involuntarily whined before catching herself. “No! I mean-”
“Nope!” Matt stole a kiss from his wife's lips. “See you later.”
Matt spent the next two hours at the comic store before returning home.
“What'd the doctor say?!” Violet shouted from the kitchen as soon as she heard the front door open.
“I'm cleared!” he shouted back.
“Good!” Violet replied as she sprinted around the corner, fully nude. The woman jumped into her husband's arms.
“What the- where are your clothes?! Where are the kids?”
“With Naomi,” she panted. “Let's get those 20 ejaculations out of the way!”
*7 months later*
“Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to Parkerrrr, happy birthday to you!”
The giggly, dusty blonde toddler bounced and clapped along as his family and friends sang to him. Matt had to hold the Parker's cake as at a distance so the wide eyed toddler wouldn't try to steal some of the dessert while the candles were still lit.
After singing, Matt blew out the candles and allowed the one year old to dive in.
Matt approached his wife who had a strange look on her face. The man wrapped his arms around her. “What's wrong, mama bear? Feeling old?”
“Fuck all the way off. I don't feel good.”
Matt pressed his cheek against her forehead. “You feel a little warm. Wanna go lay down?”
“No, I'm not going to miss any of my little muffin’s party. Can you believe he's one al-” Violet pursed her lips.
“You okay?” Matt asked.
The woman shook her head, pulled away and rushed to the nearest bathroom. Matt followed his wife and held her hair as she vomited into the toilet.
When she was finished, Violet stood and groaned as she rinsed her mouth. “Damn IUD.”
“What do you mean?”
“I just got a new IUD after not having one for a few weeks and my doctor told me that I'd probably have some symptoms like this. But this has been going on for a while now. It shouldn't last this long.”
Matt gulped. “Y-Y-You didn't have birth control for we-weeks?” he asked as he thought of the countless times that he'd climaxed  inside of his wife without a condom in the past month alone.
“No,” she sighed. “The old one fell out and I didn't get a chance to get another one put in until recently.”
“Why didn't you tell me? I thought you were so paranoid about having sex off of it.”
“Well, after you got your vasectomy I wasn't as paranoid. The birth control was more for controlling my heavy periods.”
“Oh…”
“I'll go to the doctor tomorrow.”
“Can I go with you?”
“Aww, sure.”
Violet attempted to kiss her husband but he gently palmed her face. “Brush your teeth, vomit breath.”
The woman laughed. “Fine. Go make sure Parker is enjoying himself.”
“We left him with cake. Of course he's enjoying himself.” Matt pulled his wife close and kissed her anyway. “I love you.”
Before Violet could reply, she became nauseous again.
---
Violet kicked her legs as she sat on her doctor's cot while Matt nervously tapped his fingers on the armrest on the visitor's chair.
When the doctor returned to the room, Matt stood as if the woman was a judge and he was waiting for his verdict.
“Okay, Mrs. Lent. I know why you've been feeling so crappy. You are pregnant.”
Matt went pale in the face but the words didn't register for Violet.
“Excuse me?”
“You’re pregnant,” the doctor repeated.
Violet's expression still carried the look of intense confusion.
“You know, like a little baby? Won't this make number three for you?”
“No, no, no, no, no, no,” tumbled out of Violet's mouth. “No. That's impossible. He had a vasectomy.”
The doctor made a face. “That's interesting. Well, here's your chart. You are in fact pregnant. Maybe it's a miracle baby.”
Violet grabbed the paperwork from the woman and held it inches from her face as she studied it.
“I'll leave you two alone,” the doctor said as she left the room.
Violet burst into tears. “How is this possible?”
The color still hadn't returned to Matt's face as he awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck. “I have a confession to make,” he said quietly.
“Matthew,” his wife hissed. “What did you do?”
“What didn't I do is a more accurate question. I... I didn't get the vasectomy.”
Violet dropped the chart. “What? Hu- what?! You lied to me about getting a vasectomy?! Who the fuck does that?!”
“I'm sorry! I went in to get it but that doctor was way too excited to snip my balls, babe, had you been there, you would understand. He was-”
“Matthew, you took a week off of work! You held an ice pack to your balls for days!”
“I'm a very determined individual.”
“You're a very fucked up individual! You misled me, Matthew! I don't want another child!”
“Well, you're pregnant now, so-”
“No,” Violet sobbed. “Fuck you!” The woman stormed out of her doctor's office with Matt close behind her. “Do not follow me, Matthew!” she snarled.
“We drove here together! How am I gonna get home?”
“Find a way! And when you do, expect your shit to be on the front lawn!”
---
As Matt sat in the back of the Uber, he was surprised that his lawyer was emailing him. The man quickly scanned through the message and his jaw dropped.
“Violet's suing me for getting her pregnant under the misrepresentation that I'd gotten a vasectomy. There's a such thing as vasectomy fraud?! Fuck my life.”
To Be Continued...
<<<
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thecrookedgavel · 4 years ago
Text
The Crooked Gavel - Ep2 Transcript
Here is the transcript for Episode 2 of the queer audio drama - The Crooked Gavel.
Audio of the episodes can be found here
Credits Voice: You are listening to episode 2 of The Crooked Gavel: A 1920’s tale of court drama and lesbian romance, produced by Crooked Gavel Productions. This episode contains arguing and discussion of sexual assault, please look after yourself while listening.
*Knocking on open door*
Alice: Hello? I do hope I have the right office.
Matt: Yes, hello, Alice. We’ve met once before, but I’m sure you’re more familiar with my aunt, Lillian Paprika.
Alice: Oh, yes, I remember you. You really liked the muffins we served at the Crooked Gavel.
Matt: *Laughs nervously* Yes. My aunt’s been pretty upset ever since you quit your job there a week ago.
Alice: It couldn’t be avoided, I’m afraid. 
Matt: Right, right. So I’ve asked to see you here today because I’ve been assigned by the state to be the prosecutor of the Cayenne case. I attended his preliminary hearing yesterday, since the day before, you accused John Cayenne of assaulting you. Just between you and me, that’s not true, is it?
Alice: Why It’s true indeed. Assault is the only word to describe what he’s done to me. 
Matt: Ah, I see then. In my professional opinion, you should just drop the charges. It’ll be hard to prove he’s guilty of assault, especially second degree assault. Court is a real stressful ordeal, believe you me. It’s not something a lady with your gentle disposition would enjoy in the slightest
Alice: Huh! No, I’m not dropping the charges, and I’m not out to enjoy myself either! I’m seeing this trial through to the end, no matter how frail you think I am.
Matt: Well I can’t say I can believe such an esteemed fella could ever do something so heinous. So I’m afraid my heart wouldn't really be in it? Yeah, yeah. I would definitely recommend you finding a new lawyer to prosecute this case.
Alice: What are you saying Mr Paprika? You don’t trust me?  I’m sure your aunt Lillian only had kind things to say about me, and we were well met the last I saw you. What reason do you have not to trust me?
Matt: Please don’t take it personally, Alice. I’m just saying that another lawyer might suit you better. It can be anyone, really. Though preferably not someone from the courthouse.
Alice: Level with me, Matthew. Tell me what’s really going on. We can figure things out while that old sap is stuck in jail.
Matt: Actually, he was released on bail right after the hearing.
Alice: What? How is it that a man like that is free to come and go as he pleases? What if he tries to put his dirty paws on me again?
Matt: I don’t know what you’re talking about, Alice. Mr Cayenne is a wonderful and charming fella, and he’s very close friends with everyone here in the courthouse.
Alice: Then why are you smiling like that? Is something the matter?
Matt: I don’t know what you mean? *laughs nervously* Everything’s fine! Everything’s Jake!
Alice: No, everything’s NOT Jake. What’s the matter with you? If you’re supposed to be on my side, then you better start acting like it!
Matt: Listen to me, I am on your side, alright? Might be the only one too. Everyone thinks that he’s such a wonderful fella, but there are things you don’t know about Cayenne, things you wouldn’t believe.
Alice: I’m the one charging him with assault. Try me
Matt: He has the other two prosecutors that could have been assigned to this case under his thumb. He’s paid them off using funds from God knows where. I know because he bragged to me about it. Earlier this week, he approached me, and offered me a lot of dough for me to lose this case, if I happened to get it.
Alice: And I guess you didn’t take the bribe.
Matt: No! Of course not. I want my career to be legitimate. And my conscience to be clear. But… He threatened me instead. Said if I prosecuted the case myself, or spoke up about any of this, he’d make my career a living hell. At first, I didn’t take him seriously, and I attended the preliminary hearing, with even more conviction than I would any other case. But the look he gave me when I not only stood by the charges, but upped them to a felony… My whole life flashed before my eyes, Alice. I knew for sure what kind of man he is. He was ready for you, even before you decided to press charges.
Alice: So that’s why you want me to get another lawyer to act on your behalf. If you handed off the case then…
Matt: You’d lose for sure. BUT, if you can find someone outside of Cayenne’s sphere of influence, then you actually stand a chance against him. I’ll prepare all the paperwork for you, and I’ll even pay his fee, promise. 
Alice: Alright, I’ll play your game, Matthew. I’ll find another lawyer to replace you. But, you owe me one for this. 
Matt: Of course, of course. I definitely owe you one, Alice. Look, I’m really sorry to have to put you through this, but my family relies on my paycheque. My Aunt Lillian is retired, you know. Doesn’t have much in the way of savings either. I’m sure you understand why I can’t make waves.
Alice: Oh, yes, I see. Well together, I hope we can put Cayenne in prison, and solve both our problems. We’ll be in touch. Farewell until then
Matt: I’ll see you then. And Alice? Thanks 
---
Alice: Cumin Law Office. Well, this certainly seems like the place. Maybe she’ll finally be able to give me the help I need. 
*Knocking on closed door*
*Door opening*
Margaret: Hello, how are you? I’m Margaret Cumin. How can I help you today?
Alice: How do you do, Mrs Cumin? I’m Alice Cinnamon, we talked over the phone yesterday.
Margaret: Oh yeah, I remember you. You’re the one that had that rather nasty incident 3 weeks ago.
Alice: Yes, the one involving John Cayenne. And to be honest, I’ve been having rotten luck finding a lawyer who’s willing to help me. Now, I understand that the case may seem a little one-sided, but I swear I’m being honest, and...
Margaret: Oh, don’t worry about all that, Alice my dear. I’ll help you in any way I can.
Alice: You will? Aww, thank you so much! I just know that with you as my lawyer, we’ll be able to take down that upstage judge, and show everyone in Brooklyn his true colors! 
Margaret: Lawyer? Me? There’s been some sort of mistake. I’m no lawyer! Well, not technically, anyways. It’s my husband, Max Cumin, who’s the lawyer at Cumin Law Offices. I’m just his assistant. It’s still up to him if he wants to represent you.
Alice: What? But I thought you said you were going to help me!
Margaret: Of course I will. I'll assist you in any way I can. I can make an appointment for you, provide some snacks, show you my husband’s desk. *chuckles* I do swear I am good at those things. And more, if you can believe it
Alice: Phooey! Now what am I supposed to do?
Margaret: Aww, chin up, doll.  You haven’t even met my husband yet. I’m just sure he’ll take your case. He’s a kind-spirited man, with a strong sense of justice. Here, come inside and meet him.
Alice: Thank you for providing me a bit of comfort, I’m feeling somewhat hopeful again
Margaret: Just this way. 
---
Margaret: Hey, Max. I got your 2 o’clock here. It’s miss Alice Cinnamon, and if it isn’t the funniest thing, she thought I was the lawyer of the office, since I -
Max: Damn it, Margaret. You’ve got to stop being unclear on the phone and playing at being a lawyer. You’re my secretary, and that’s that.
Margaret: Max, I wasn’t playing at anything. It was an honest mistake, what with our last names being the same. And besides, I could be a lawyer if I wanted to.
Max: Baby, we’ve been over this. Can we talk about this later, and not in front of our guest?
Margaret: You always say that, but we never do. You know we have the money to send me to school, and then some. You know  how persuasive I am, I’d make a fine lawyer.
Max: Margaret, the business is just too competitive for someone of your gentle disposition to handle.
Margaret: I could handle it…
Max: And what if you failed at it? We’d never get all that wasted money back
Margaret: I know but….
Max: And just who do you think will raise our children when we intend to have them?
Margaret: Maxie, I uh… Yeah, you’re right. I know you’re right. I’m such a naive, stupid little girl to think that I could be a professional lawyer like you.
Max: Aww, honey, I’m sorry baby. You know I love you.
Margaret: I love you too, Maxie
Max: Now be a good girl and go clean the front entrance while I chat with our rather shocked-looking guest.
----
Alice: Who me? I was just… Oh never mind me, I didn’t mean to overhear that.
Max: No need to be embarrassed, my dear miss. Just idle chit-chat between husband and wife. You’ll understand when you find a husband yourself.
Alice: I’d much rather talk business than about my marital status.
Max: Indeed you would, Miss Cinnamon. No need in telling why you’re here. You’re on a little bit of a quest for Matt Paprika to find another lawyer to act on his behalf. Speaking of, you’ve met the fella, does he not seem a bit funny to you?
Alice: I’m quite sure I have no idea what you’re talking about, Mr Cumin. I think it’s much more “funny” that you know about the agreement in the first place. 
Max: Oh, I make sure to have all my research done before a prospective client walks into my office. As I was saying, you’ve been quite unlucky these past few weeks. All five of the lawyers you’ve asked have flat out refused to help you. They all had their reasons, but most importantly of all - they didn’t believe you. And with good reason too. You’ve made quite the splash in the legal community. Made quite the powerful enemy.
Alice: I’m well aware of how powerful Mr. Cayenne is
Max: Not John Cayenne, I mean Brooklyn herself. See, you mess with a man of such clout as Cayenne and you make yourself an enemy of every man, woman, and child in the city.
Alice: I’m not sure I follow your logic
Max: Have you ever heard of the John Cayenne Fund? It’s a charity fund that takes money from reformed criminals and gives it to underprivileged children and their families in Brooklyn.
Alice: I just don’t understand. A big cheese like that just stinks of being born rich. What does he care about being charitable?
Max: Quite the opposite, I’m afraid. John was born to a rather poor family. He started out with nothing, and yet he’s achieved so much; a true underdog. I think you might be starting to see what sort of hopeless situation you’ve stuck yourself in.
Alice: So you’re saying you won’t help me.
Max: *chuckles* I never said that. See, unlike all those other lawyers, I actually believe you. And I’m very capable. No one is too powerful for me to take down in a court of law. You see, I’m a nice guy. Juries tend to like me.
Alice: Oh, that’s wonderful news! So that means you’ll fight for me?
Max: I said I could, not that that I would. See, John is a good friend of mine. We talk all the time. Now, where would I hear such wonderful stories if he was locked away in a prison cell? That, my dear, represents a conflict of interest for me. Unless… you pay me one thousand dollars, and my confliction *snaps* goes away.
Alice: You can talk to Mr. Paprika about your fee
Max: Like I said, I’m well aware of your deal with Paprika. I’m talking one grand, under the table. Then I’ll happily get jail time for Cayenne
Alice: But, that’s much more than the entirety of my savings. The only way I could pay that would be if…
Max: If you asked your father, Nathaniel Cinnamon, to pay it for you. You know, I think there’s a lot of scratch in that little private school he runs. Wouldn’t be very hard for him to give you a loan. I doubt he’d even make you pay it back.
Alice: No deal! Now, I’m not above asking my father for financial help, but to give his money to a louse so willing to extort someone in need, huh. There’s just no way.
Max: Silly girl, think of your other options. You know as well as I do that the other prosecutors are paid off, and I’ve already established why no one else is taking your case. This is not the time for pride
Alice: But it is a time for integrity, Mr Cumin, something you wouldn't know a lick about. If no one in Brooklyn will help me, then…. then I’ll just have to prosecute that bastard myself. 
Max: *Hearty laugh* Alice, you slay me. You don’t know the first thing about being a lawyer. Please, once you’ve come to your senses, and have properly considered my offer… You know where my office is.
Alice: I wouldn’t hold my breath if I were you. This is goodbye, Mr. Cumin. I do hope this is the last I see of you. 
Max: Mhh, well then…
---
*Door closing*
Alice: Boy, I am I glad to be out of that stuffy office and away from that viper
*Door opening*
Margaret: Wait, Alice! You forgot your hat. It would  be a shame if you left it behind, it goes so well with the rest of your outfit
Alice: Oh, thank you Mrs Cumin. I am truly sorry I had to overhear that spat between you and your husband. But… he was not at all like you described. He was rather full of himself, and somewhat of a showoff. And sense of justice? Hah! More like sense of entitlement. That - fella - asked me to pay him extra money under the table, like a common criminal
Margaret: Ohhh, I’m sorry about all that. Max just gets excitable when a high-profile case rolls across his desk. As for the dough, he’s just thinking of sending our children to college. You know, the ones we will intend to have...
Alice: He also tried to intimidate me with personal information he found God-knows-how. The nerve!
Margaret: Well, I’m not exactly God, but I do know how he got that information. Let’s just say, I’m a bit of an investigator in my own right.
Alice: You were the one who researched me?
Margaret: I did say I had other skills, right? But never mind that, I want to help you.
Alice: I’m not exactly in the mood for snacks, but thanks
Margaret: No, no. I mean I want to help - as your lawyer.
Alice: But I thought you said you were not a lawyer. And your… “conversation” with Max confirmed it.
Margaret: I know I’m not, but I could be. Please hear me out, Alice. I’ve been studying real hard these past few years, reading all of Max’s books when he’s not around. You already know I’m a regular investigator. And I’ve gone to plenty of trials, so I know my way around a courtroom. Actually, sometimes even Max gets details wrong, and I know better. But I also know better than to correct him.
Alice: Just where are you going with this, exactly?
Margaret: I’m saying, I could act as your prosecutor in court. You can have someone who trusts you to help take down that nasty judge, and I can prove to Max that I do have what it takes to be a lawyer. We both get what we want out of this deal.
Alice: I really don’t know about all this, I - Wait, you trust me?
Margaret: Sure, I believe you. I can see it in your face that you’re being honest. Plus Maxie believes you, whatever that’s worth to you. 
Alice: There’s a lot of details here that need filling in. Can I have some time to think it over?
Margaret: Sure, but I gotta get back to Maxie, or he’s going to start calling for me. Can we meet again in three days?
Alice: Well, yes. We can meet at my apartment. It’s… Well, I guess you already know it, given how you looked me up, and all.
Margaret: *chuckles* Sorry again about that. Just doing my job. I’ll see you around noon. Ciao
Alice: See you then! 
*Door closes*
---
*Knocking on door*
Alice: Yes? Please come in
*Door opens*
Margaret: Hello, Alice. It’s so good to see you again!
Alice: Yes, it is indeed.
*Door closes*
Alice: And how is your husband?
Margaret: *laughs* That’s awfully polite of you to ask, but I know you’re not too fond of him.
Alice: With very good reason, I do believe. The way he talked to me - and to you for that matter - was downright revolting. I don’t mean to be nosy, but it just doesn’t seem fair of him to stop you from being a lawyer, if that’s what you want out of life.
Margaret: Aww, he’s just trying to protect me, that’s all. He’s really sweet, in his own way.
Alice: I’m not entirely sure you’re in need of protecting. You seem entirely capable of making your own decisions 
Margaret: *Chuckles* I think you may be right about that, and that’s what we’re going to show him. Now I should probably go ahead and fill you in on the rest of the plan, as promised
Alice: Oh, yes. I’ve been wondering about that for three days straight.
---
Margaret: Here, I want you to look at these documents, and tell me what you see.
Alice: Alright then. Well, they seem to talk about an Elizabeth Ginger and… It says here that she graduated from Harvard Law, and here that she passed the bar exam in New York. But just who is this Elizabeth? 
Margaret: It’s me, silly. You don’t think I could just walk into court as Margaret Cumin without people knowing who I was, do you? Elizabeth Ginger is my pseudonym. And I copied these documents in her name using the Real McCoy Max uses. 
Alice: I must say, well done. I had no idea that these were fakes. But speaking of Max, won’t he notice your absence around the office while you’re busy prosecuting at the courthouse?
Margaret: I have all that figured out too. Max is going away for a week in ten days; a get-together with his Harvard friends out of town. Now, here’s my gambit: I’m going to suggest a court appearance on the day he leaves, and a few others months away. Now tell me, does Cayenne strike you as the patient sort?
Alice: Not at all. I see, wanting to be quick about “clearing his good name”, he’s more likely to choose the sooner date than the later ones.
Margaret: Now you’re on the trolley! And with my husband out of town, I’m free to appear at the courthouse without worrying that I’ll bump into him. And I’ll be looking quite different when the day comes, believe you me, so we don’t have to worry about anyone else recognizing me, especially not that prune pit Cayenne.
Alice: I’m not looking forward to seeing that Cayenne again… Why, the thought of it gives me the shivers. If I had just held my tongue, maybe all this wouldn’t have happened to me in the first place. 
Margaret: Alice, you can’t beat yourself up like that. What happened back at the Crooked Gavel was not your fault
Alice: Still, I probably shouldn’t have told him he has a face like he just bit into a lemon. 
*both laugh heartily*
Margaret: He does! He does! Ain’t that the truth?
---
Margaret: Anyway, on a bit of a lighter note, I’m curious; what was it like growing up in that private school your father runs?
Alice: Now, why should I need to tell you about all of that? Can’t you just look it up for yourself?
Margaret: Well, to be honest, I feel a little rotten that I found out all that about you without even asking first. This time around, I’d like to have earned it.
Alice: Oh, That’s appreciated. Thank you, Margaret. To be honest, I’m rather impressed as to what you were able to find out about me. I’m willing to share a bit more to fill in the gaps. Way back when when I was still a young adult, my daddy wasn’t headmaster quite yet. He was still a teacher. And I didn’t go to the school, as much as I did live in it. It was an all boys school, you see, so I wasn’t allowed to attend the classes. Nevertheless, my parents gave me a proper education in their spare time, like my mother received from her father. Daddy was always proud of my aptitude in my studies. You know, he’s still proud of me to this day. I got a letter back from him recently saying he believes in my pursuit of justice against Cayenne, just like I knew he would.
Margaret: That’s wonderful to hear, Alice. My father’s proud of me too. Except… it’s not for my own accomplishments, but for marrying rich. I don’t take it personally or anything, he just wishes me well. He wants that I’ll want for nothing. But, someday soon, I’m going to make him proud, in my own right! *Sigh* I have such fond memories of him back in Jersey learning to play catch, going to see the minor league baseball games together, and even going out to Philadelphia to see the Phillies once when I was older.
Alice: Wait, YOU like baseball? 
Margaret: Yeah, of course I do. I grew up on the stuff. What made you think I didn’t?
Alice: Well, it’s just that… I mean, you’re a woman, and I haven’t met a woman who earnestly enjoys sports before.
Margaret: Oh yeah? Well, never say never. It’s not like I’m the only one either. There were two other girls on my neighbourhood team growing up, Anna and Jean, and neither one of them were too afraid of a scraped knee. 
Alice: You really are full of surprises, Margaret, I’ll give you that. I don’t think I’ve found myself this impressed by someone in a long time.
Margaret: Aww, I can’t believe you’d say that when you’re the one going up against John Cayenne in court. Talk about being a bearcat. *growl*
---
Alice: Bearcat? I’m sorry, but I can’t agree with you there. I’ve been nothing but a wreck these past few weeks, a regular mess. It took me almost a whole week to decide on pressing charges, and even then, I almost didn’t. I was all balled up the whole time, I couldn’t make heads or tails of myself. Some days I couldn’t eat, and others I couldn’t sleep. At first, I couldn’t do either one. 
Margaret: I’m still impressed you pressed charges at all. It’s… not an easy thing to do. How you felt after the assault doesn’t define you, Alice. Only you can define you, you know what I mean?
Alice: Yes… I think I do. Thank you. You’ve been very reassuring.
Margaret: Aw, don’t worry about it. Now, I have a document here for you to sign that’ll allow me to act in Matthew's stead. But before you do, there’s… one other thing I need you to look at. Here.
Alice: Patricia Lemongrass, Barbara Sage, and Evelyn Caraway. And descriptions of... Is this what I think it is?
Margaret: It’s worse than we imagined, Alice. I did some digging, and I came across some rumours. Three names of girls Cayenne has allegedly assaulted, like he did to you. Now, it’s all inadmissible -not usable in court - since none of the girls are willing to testify, but it paints a rather grim picture of what we’re up against. I won’t blame you if it’s too much for you to handle, there’s still time to - 
Alice: To what? Drop the charges? Never. If I’m not the first this man has violated, the I won’t be the last either. I can’t just sit around while this monster is allowed to roam free. Margaret, I’ve decided. We’ll go with your plan, and we will fight together. Not just for me, but for the other three girls who can’t yet fight for themselves.
Margaret: And how! Bravo, like I said, a regular bearcat!
Alice: Th-thank you. I’ll sign wherever you need me to.
Margaret: Very well. So, here… here… annnnnd here. Perfect
Alice: There’s only one question that remains. Cash or cheque?
Margaret: Oh, Alice. I’d prefer to keep our relationship purely business, for the time being.
Alice: What I meant to say was -
Margaret: I know what you meant. And I would prefer not to be paid at all. I don’t have a bank account of my own, so my true identity would be pretty obvious, don’t you think? It’s just easier this way.
Alice: So you’re willing to go through all of this… for free? But why? There are easier cases you could use to prove your mettle.
Margaret: I just want to do the right thing, you know? Even if it’s hard
Alice: You might be the only person in Brooklyn, lawyer or not, that shares that sentiment with me. I just want to say how much I appreciate that. 
Margaret: That’s very touching, Alice. Thank you. I need to go, however. Max thinks I’m at the library picking up some books for him. I got to go do that before he gets suspicious.
Alice: Oh right. Your husband...
Margaret: Next time we see each other, I’ll be prepping you as a witness. And then after that, it’ll be time for the trial. Isn’t that exciting?
Alice: Yes, I suppose it is. But… are you sure you want to go through with all of this? I mean, if you’re caught, you might end up in jail... on my account, no less.
Margaret: Don’t you worry about me. As you said earlier, I’m entirely capable of making my own decisions
Alice: You got me there, but I’m afraid that won’t stop me from worrying about you. Good afternoon, Margaret.
*Door opens*
Margaret: See you, Alice
*Door closes*
Credits Voice: Thank you for listening to episode 2 of The Crooked Gavel! Follow us on Twitter @TheCrookedGavel for updates and discussions of this and other queer projects. This episode’s cast in order of appearance:
Katte Noel as Alice Cinnamon 
Michael Matarese as Mathew Paprika
Ashleigh Aishwarya as Margaret Cumin
An Capuano as Max Cumin
And An Capuano as the credits voice
Directed by - An Capuano
Produced by - An Capuano 
Written by - An Capuano
Copy Editing by - Sharon van Wyngaarden
Casting by - An Capuano
Sound Design by - An Capuano and BA Nemo
Logo Artist - McKenna Pipher
Audio Editing by - An Capuano
Audio Mastering by - An Capuano
Music by - Kevin MacLeod
Music used in this episode is attributed in the description
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placetobenation · 4 years ago
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It’s a “lose your championship” kind of week for the WWE.
First, we get Becky Lynch giving up her RAW Women’s Championship now that she’s going to be a Mom. Then, we get Sami Zayn being “forced” to let go of his Intercontinental Title.
Zayn, after getting some dental work to go along with his pandemic hiatus, says he’s still the champion but will now have to watch a tournament go forward to see who the next I-C Champ will be.
I thought the WWE handled Becky’s situation well with some human moments to start RAW Monday night with “The Man” and Asuka, who was just learning that she actually won the title and not the MITB contract during Sunday night’s PPV. Pulling the curtain back a bit and letting the ladies enjoy the moment for what it was as mothers was really good to see.
Welcome back to the brand extension! It’s now called the Brand Invitation and it starts with the announcement of King Corbin coming to RAW Monday night to face WWE Champion Drew McIntyre. Now, that’s quite the invitation to not only come, but face the #1 superstar on the show. NXT Charlotte Flair, who you could argue started this by being on RAW each week (along with Akira Tozawa and others), got things going by showing up on SmackDown.
They’ve done so much to make sure the bands are separate and now it seems, out of necessity due to the COVID-19 pandemic, they need to mix it up because of talent shortages. I get that, I just hope they don’t overuse it. Make it special and it will be ok.
STAR OF THE WEEK:
Becky Lynch – Congrats to “The Man” on her awesome news and impending birth of her first child. That opening segment on RAW Monday night did more to humanizing her (and Asuka) than anything they could’ve ever done. I’m glad they were upfront and honest with the WWE Universe, something that can NOT be said about their handling of Roman Reigns (and others) during the COVID-19 crisis. Now, as for Seth Rollins. That’s a different and bizarre story for later on.
MONEY IN THE BANK PPV
THIS is the @WWEUniverse we're living in. Welcome to the #WWERaw after #MITB! pic.twitter.com/GfLh2o4NqU
— WWE (@WWE) May 12, 2020
LADIES and GENTLEMEN … we have ourselves a FOOD FIGHT!!!#MITB @otiswwe @HeymanHustle pic.twitter.com/5swu9nAMUz
— WWE (@WWE) May 11, 2020
RESULTS
Men’s Money In The Bank Match: Otis defeated King Corbin, AJ Styles, Rey Mysterio, Daniel Bryan and Aleister Black
Women’s Money In The Bank Match: Asuka defeated Shayna Baszler, Nia Jax, Carmella, Dana Brooke and Lacey Evans
WWE Championship Match: Drew McIntyre defeated Seth Rollins
Universal Championship Match: Braun Strowman defeated Bray Wyatt
SmackDown Women’s Championship Match: Bayley defeated Tamina
SmackDown Tag Team Fatal Four-Way Championship Match: The New Day defeated Lucha House Party, The Miz & John Morrison and The Forgotten Sons
Bobby Lashley defeated R-Truth
Kickoff Show: Jeff Hardy defeated Cesaro
… Respect?#MITB @DMcIntyreWWE @WWERollins pic.twitter.com/TK4SUg1A4c
— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) May 11, 2020
RAW
RESULTS
No DQ Match: Bobby Lashley defeated Humberto Carrillo
Angel Garza defeated Akira Tozawa
Non-Title Women’s Tag Team Title Match: The Iiconics defeated Alexa Bliss & Nikki Cross
Non-Title WWE Championship Match: Drew McIntyre defeated Andrade
R-Truth, Ricochet & Cedric Alexander defeated MVP, Shane Thorne & Brendan Vink
Aleister Black & Rey Mysterio defeated Seth Rollins & Buddy Murphy via DQ
Shayna Baszler defeated Natalya
What we loved:
"You go and be a warrior, 'cause I'm gonna go be a mother." Congratulations, @BeckyLynchWWE!!!! What a moment on #WWERaw! pic.twitter.com/yWnHB3Dc4o
— WWE (@WWE) May 12, 2020
Becky Mama – As we said above, nothing but positivity from this one! Congrats to Becky Lynch and the family!
Asuka as Champ – Such an awesome and genuine reaction. Asuka has proven she’s worthy in the ring and over the past few months during a down-time in the biz, she’s more than shown she can be out of the box out of the ring too which should bode well moving further.
R-Truth – The dude is just funny and entertaining. Good stuff from him and Cousin Ricky!
That was a lot.#WWERaw pic.twitter.com/nZt2RLSceg
— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) May 12, 2020
Rey Mysterio Line of the Year – “What a d**k!”  – Mysterio to Charly Caruso after congratulating Seth Rollins on being a father and Rollins just walking away. Rollins of course got the last laugh though with an injury to end Rey’s evening.
What we didn’t love:
Zelina’s gang of 3 – While I do love the tension between Andrade, Angel Garza and Austin Theory, why just hand over a match with Drew McIntyre to Andrade (again) when he just had one a few weeks back? Just let the tension ride and let them fight it out for a spot against the champ? It would be a very good match and advance the story line as well. Missed opportunity there.
#WWEChampion @DMcIntyreWWE shows @AndradeCienWWE that he's also the champion of CHOPS!
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#WWERaw pic.twitter.com/3WU331kRUs
— WWE (@WWE) May 12, 2020
Tag team champs losing on TV again – Just like the men’s tag champs on both RAW and SmackDown the past two months, it seems like having them lose on TV is a pattern. The Iiconics haven’t been around for over 6 months and they come back and beat Alexa Bliss & Nikki Cross in their first match. Seems wonky to me and doesn’t make your champs look strong. 50-50 booking. Ugh! Predictably, it sets up a title match at Backlash.
Just plain bizarre:
Seth Rollins – After being catatonic most of the night, a night in which he should be happy about becoming a father, he goes wild on Rey Mysterio, giving him a bloody eye injury at the end of their tag team match, causing a DQ win for Mysterio and Aleister Black. Then, after the match, Rollins is all apologetic again. All this comes after he shakes hands Sunday night after his title loss to McIntyre. I wish they could’ve, at least for a night, let him be happy like his fiancée Becky Lynch.
Brewing:
MVP’s Stable – Well, it looks like we’ve got the beginning of MVP’s stable now with Bobby Lashley coming aboard. Will it be long before Apollo Crews joins too? I like the factions, there’s no doubt. They were great in the Attitude Era and can be again! The MVP faction. Zelina Vega faction. Who’s next? Plus, a strong Lashley is better than anything he was with Lana.
"If you've got the guts, it'll be @EdgeRatedR vs. @RandyOrton in a straight-up wrestling match."#WWERaw pic.twitter.com/7dEE5fumEN
— WWE (@WWE) May 12, 2020
Edge vs. Orton II – Just a wrestling match? Something smells fishy here, don’t you think?
NXT
RESULTS
NXT Tag Team Championship Match: Imperium (Fabian Aichner & Marcel Barthel) defeated Matt Riddle & Timothy Thatcher to win titles
Tegan Nox defeated Indi Hartwell
Interim NXT Cruiserweight Tournament Championship Match: Jake Atlas defeated Tony Nese
Cameron Grimes defeated Finn Balor
Interim NXT Cruiserweight Tournament Championship Match: Jack Gallagher defeated Isaiah “Swerve” Scott
Kayden Carter defeated Aliyah
Matt Riddle defeated Timothy Hatcher
What we loved:
Your entertainment is here.
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Tick tock. #WWENXT @WWEKarrionKross @Lady_Scarlett13 pic.twitter.com/GiBaAab6FT
— WWE (@WWE) May 14, 2020
The End is Here – The best thing on NXT this week was the continuing saga of Karrion Kross and Scarlett. After an amazing debut last week, a well-done produced piece putting EVERYONE in NXT on notice – not just Tommaso Ciampa – was well done.
.@TripleH, @ShawnMichaels & @WWERoadDogg have a message for you!#NXTTakeOver: In Your House streams on the award-winning @WWENetwork on Sunday, June 7th! House
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#WWENXT pic.twitter.com/RzKgNXIs5v
— WWE NXT (@WWENXT) May 15, 2020
In Your House is back! – Yes, the infamous 90’s PPV’s are back for at least one night as the next NXT Takeover is an In Your House Special on June 7th! And having Triple H, Shawn Michaels and The Road Dogg Jesse James make the announcement with memories of their first matches at IYH 25 years ago was funny as hell too! I hope they use the old school graphics as well!
Congrats:
.@SuperKingofBros lost a bro and the titles. @Marcel_B_WWE & @FabianAichner are your NEW #WWENXT #TagTeamChampions! pic.twitter.com/5b1BquUw15
— WWE (@WWE) May 14, 2020
New Tag Champs – Imperium is now a two-title stable. Fabian Aichner & Marcel Barthel took full advantage of Timothy Thatcher walking out on his championship partner Matt Riddle to win the belts for the first time. Now with Walter’s NXT UK Championship, Imperium is getting well stocked to take over NXT.
Meh:
Thatcher & Riddle – Pretty quick end to this partnership. Now, I get that Thatcher didn’t like the comedy and off-beat antics of the “Bros,” but to end it so quickly and have a match the same night seems a little rushed to me.
Dinner with the Gargano’s & Rhea Ripley – Both were just kind of there this week.
Huh?:
NXT Cruiserweight Championship Tournament – I’ve enjoyed it so far, but I wish they gave them a bit more time. It’s been really good in-ring action. This week, we barely got 10 minutes combined in wins by Jack Gallagher and Jake Atlas. Now, we get Kushida vs. Drake Maverick and Akira Tozawa vs. El Hiro Fantasma in the upcoming week. I hope they give them some room to show their wares!
Aliyah – Why build her up as a new Rob Stone client only to have her lose right away?
Didn’t like at all:
HUH??! What is @ArcherOfInfamy doing out here? #WWENXT @FinnBalor pic.twitter.com/EkzHTx2TLP
— WWE (@WWE) May 14, 2020
Balor’s bully – Having Damien Priest come out as the man who attached Finn Balor while Balor was fighting Cameron Grimes seemed like a yawner instead of an OMG moment. Priest is just coming off a losing feud with Keith Lee and now having him get an upper hand on Balor to cost him the match with Grimes is a bit forced and yes, rushed again. It should’ve had more play time in it and a stronger payoff.
SMACKDOWN
RESULTS
Intercontinental Championship Tournament 1st Round Match: Elias defeated King Corbin
Dana Brooke defeated Naomi
Intercontinental Championship Tournament 1st Round Match: Daniel Bryan defeated Drew Gulak
Braun Strowman & Otis defeated The Miz & John Morrison
What we loved:
"This is such a joy to watch." – @WWEGraves @WWEDanielBryan advances to the 2nd Round of the #ICTitle tournament after an amazing match with @DrewGulak! #SmackDown pic.twitter.com/cGxaOYfEhr
— WWE on FOX (@WWEonFOX) May 16, 2020
Drew vs. Daniel – Give me more of this, please! Unfortunately, it’s a first round match and not further in the tournament. Would love to see these two do an ironman match.
"Are you your own woman, or are you just going to be @itsBayleyWWE's lackey and happy being an afterthought?" – @MsCharlotteWWE to @SashaBanksWWE
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#SmackDown pic.twitter.com/3Odr5DYjYa
— WWE on FOX (@WWEonFOX) May 16, 2020
The Queen stirs the pot – instead of heading into the normal physical theatrics, Charlotte Flair got things going again between Sasha Banks and Bayley. Not only do we get a match with champion vs. champion as SmackDown’s Bayley will face NXT’s Charlotte next week, but maybe we get a Charlotte vs. Bayley vs. Sasha three-way dance too!
Sonya brings it – Daville continues to be dynamite on the mic in previewing next week’s mixed tag match with Sonya & Dolph Ziggler taking on Otis & Mandy Rose. She’s just being herself and it rings true! Well done Sonya! Keep it up!
Entertaining:
Main event – The combination of Otis and Universal Champion Braun Strowman was predictable as Tucker wasn’t available to join the new Mr. MITB against The Miz & John Morrison, but it worked. The double worm was fun and the right team won. Plus, we get to stoke the fire for Otis and his eventual cashing in of his contract down the road. Plus, I did appreciate the clean win and no shenanigans at the end of the match.
Huh?
AJ in the I-C Title mix – Isn’t AJ Styles on RAW? I see we are already taking liberties with the brand invitational.
Parting shots:
"Our job is to go out and be first-class professional entertainers and to give our fans what they paid their hard-earned money to see." – @undertaker #TheLastRide pic.twitter.com/z7hUQtaOWz
— WWE Network (@WWENetwork) May 11, 2020
The Undertaker: Last Ride – If you haven’t seen part 1, do it. NOW! Loved it and need me some more this week as part 2 of the five-part docu-series continues on the WWE Network Sunday night. Loved the candor from Mark Calaway and loved the fact that WWE didn’t shy away from using stars not currently with the company to tell the story, i.e. Jim Ross, Chris Jericho and more! You simply can’t tell the Dead Man’s tale without good ol’ JR!
Plus, the emotion, openness and access we’re getting from The Undertaker and wife Michelle McCool is fabulous. This is MUST SEE TV folks!
Thanks for letting us share our thoughts! Shoot me an email at [email protected]. We’d love to hear your comments and suggestions! You can also check out my blog, The Crowe’s Nest as we delve into more pro wrestling, sports entertainment and the World of Sports. My apologies ahead of time – I AM a Patriots and Red Sox fan! If you’re not down with that, I’ve got TWO WORDS for you… NEW ENGLAND!
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samdukewieland · 5 years ago
Text
Stuck Inside Media Diary Week 4
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On my birthday I made a 100 song playlist for myself with the criteria of choosing my Top 20 favorite bands/musicians, five songs from their catalog-preferably only one song per album-and that was it. This was part-exercise-part-how-do-I-celebrate-myself-and-my-excellently-unique-tastes-on-the-one-day-this-is-allowed. I had already gone through the painstakingly unasked for “challenge” of whittling down of a Top 5 for a project in college and it’s gone unchanged in the past four years, and being the way that I am, I am generally always considering what the Top 10 would be. Anything beyond Top 10 is egregious, but because I was deeply unsatisfied with a 25 song playlist, I just kept going until I settled on 20 and 100. 
It then dawned on me (I couldn’t sleep that night, BIRTHDAY JITTERS and all that) afterwards that this is technically a list of what I’d consider to be the top 100 songs and that was just all wrong. I love every song on that playlist; I chose obvious songs and I chose obscure deep cuts that would make yer average me chuckle and say “heh, that one huh?” But if I were asked to make a list of the 100 greatest songs ever recorded, I don’t think I could leave off something like “Hey Jude” (The Beatles) or “Wonderful World” (Sam Cooke) or “The Champ” (Ghostface Killah) and yet I did. What a dweeb.
Sunday, April 12
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Starship Troopers, Verhoeven 1997
Listen, I love Paul Verhoeven. This is my least favorite Paul Verhoeven movie and it’s still incredible. And it’s a me issue too (though, I’m not taking all the blame here-this obvious issues here are that there’s no good actor here besides Michael Ironside, Jake Busey and Neil Patrick Harris), though I think that’s part of the point of it. Or at the very least there’s been enough revisionist history and nostalgia slapped onto this thing that Denise Richards gets a pass-“well yeh, she’s bad on purpose” they’ll say; this movie is lemonade.
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Three Busy Debras, “Sleepover!”
Probably the biggest difference between Three Busy Debras and Stella (which is what Three Busy Debras reminds me of the most) is that Stella was so unconcerned about saying anything about anything. This is not a knock on Debras, not in the least bit, but that’s ultimately what I landed on when I was thinking about the two next to each other. Three Busy Debras is very good and very, very funny and reminds me of one of my favorite television comedies to ever exist.
Beef House, “Boro”
When I went and saw Tim And Eric’s live tour back in January they were going to show the first episode of Beef House after the main show, but then they surprised us by having John C. Reilly come out as Steve Brule and do a bit with an audience member for like 15 minutes, probably less time. Watch Beef House if you like Tim and Eric, but you already know that if you do.
Joe Pera Talks With You, “Joe Pera Lights Up The Night With You”, “Joe Pera Talks to You About the Rat Wars of Alberta, Canada (1950–Present Day)”
At this point you can tell that I probably just turned on Adult Swim after finishing Starship Troopers and just kept it on, because a Sunday night on Adult Swim is the only thing that could rival an HBO Sunday night. Alright, so I had only ever seen one episode of Joe Pera Talks With You before these two episodes and I liked it fine, but didn’t have great context for it and was probably just not in a great headspace for it. Sure, I liked it fine back when I had watched that episode, but I was not motivated to continue watching it and I didn’t. Until this particular night. I know for sure that I’ll be writing more about it next week, so I’m just going to say now that this makes for incredible “watch before bed” programming.
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Mad Men, “Smoke Gets In Your Eyes” [Series Premier]
And thus the great Mad Men re-watch has begun. I’ve only watched this all the way through once and that’s when I got caught up on the DVDs for season 4 back was when I was in high school. This pilot is one of the most pilot-y pilots I’ve seen/re-watched in a long while, and maybe it’s so glaring to me because of what I studied in college and how I just generally spend a lot of my time as a person. But it’s a very old fashioned pilot, maybe the last prestige TV classical pilot? You just don’t see very many shows now that have their first episode be as thirsty for another shot as this one is. Not bad, but more just very in your face.
Monday, April 13
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Rashomon, Kurosawa 1950 [this might be available on Criterion-I just DVR’d it]
Baby’s first Kurosawa. This one has really stuck with me, just in its simplicity in telling a story and I’m going to stop talking about it here, one because like we really need another 26-year-old white dude talking about Akira Kurosawa movies and two, should I continue to talk about this movie, I will turn even more into what I hate and who I consider to be my arch-enemies: the film school kids.
Parks And Recreation, “Rock Show” [Season 1 finale]
Whenever I start a Parks re-watch, I always start with “Rock Show.” It’s now just in full fledged Simpsons territory that I wouldn’t be able to tell you how many times I’ve seen certain episodes and that it is incredibly comforting to watch where I can turn off brain while watching, but know exactly when to start re-paying attention because of jokes I like. I don’t know when it’ll be as recognized as The Simpsons (maybe it never will be?) or seen as the true predecessor, but it’ll feel good once it does. Though if there’s a show that demonstrated how irrelevant recognition for hard work was, it was Parks.
Tuesday, April 14
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The Wicker Man, Hardy 1973 [as of now this is available on Netflix]
I feel confident that I’ve lied to friends of mine about having seen this movie. Pretty easy to do, considering it’s a pretty straight forward story and you can get by with saying stuff like “I mean yeh, it’s just like a pretty fucked up movie.” And it is! on both accounts. Though I guess not as unsettling as I figured it would be, but as soon as the animal masks come out I did get squirmy. That and choir singing folk music with vaguely disturbing lyrics juxtaposed over not totally right images-it’s like the opposite feeling when someone uses “Perfect Day” too ironically.
Better Call Saul, “Bad Choice Road”
Kim. Wexler. I guess what I love about Vince Gilligan is that he zags (though zagging in this case is kind of old fashioned) and saves his big thing to happen for a season’s finale and not the penultimate episode. But he doesn’t rob you of a wild penultimate episode either-just kind of nice and takes confidence.
Parks And Recreation, “Pawnee Zoo”
Wednesday, April 15
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Obvious Child, Robespierre 2014 [as of now this is available on Netflix]
Got sick Wednesday night, ralphed twice!, and needed something I absolutely didn’t have to think about. I had started watching this probably like a year and a half ago in a waiting room while my mom was getting some kind of dental procedure done and had never picked it back up after putting 20 minutes down. It’s good, though I think it resonates better for other people than it did with me, but that’s no knock. Loved very dialed in Gaby Hoffmann and it feels like Max Silvestri mighta supposed to originally have the Jake Lacy part, but Jake Lacy is contractually obligated to play this sort of part whenever it is written into existence every year or so. Tough break.
Parks And Recreation, “The Stake Out”
Thursday, April 16
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Targets, Bogdanovich 1968
I caught this recommendation from....I think Matt Singer on twitter and also @nextontcm​ (which is a first tier twitter follow) and man, this thing is great! I forgot that Bogdanovich comes from the Roger Corman school of directing, but ole Rog doesn’t let you forget with this one. It’s a movie I would imagine Steven Soderbergh really likes (and I say that, because The Limey is the only other movie that I know of that uses another movie’s footage in reference to one of the characters in the movie-like I’m sure there’s other, I haven’t seen every movie, leave me alone). TCM’s apparently doing a podcast series on Bogdanovich, which is kind of weird, but he did a short interview with Ben Mankiewicz afterwards and it was hilarious, because surprising no one, Peter Bogdanovich really doesn’t give a shit about what he says anymore.
Top Chef, Season 17 episode 5
This was the first time in Jen’s Top Chef career where she didn’t fall victim to the yips, which shows progress. But it’s also helping make the case that Jen Carroll might be the worst evaluated draftee in all of Top Chef? That sounds harsh, and I have no doubt that Jen Carroll is phenomenal, this just doesn’t seem to be her strength; there’s no rule that says competitive people have to always be good at what they get competitive about.
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Mad Men, “Ladies Room”, “Marriage Of Figaro”
It’s weird seeing Don not as partner, but just a dude who’s really good at his job that people respect, but is also not in charge of everything and doesn’t aspire to be in charge of everything. Though not without trying to be in control of everything. I haven’t watched this since I was in high school, so I’ve both forgotten a lot of stuff and also just like know more about life and characters and didn’t realize how sad of a character Pete is. Man, Vincent Karheiser really doesn’t get enough credit for how good he is as Pete Campbell, a character who could’ve easily been just another Christopher Moltisanti (full disclosure: Christopher is in contention for favorite Sopranos character) and is so much sadder in a different way. 
However, I’m still just dumb guy, and maybe that’s not the complete reason, but there’s some Betty stuff that is just like not very interesting. I think if they had gone down an avenue of “let’s try and radicalize her with Kennedy” story, that would’ve worked better than other stuff, but I don’t know. Betty’s complicated! But that she has to be the character that bridges Glen’s story to the main one is incredibly detrimental.
Friday, April 17
Parks And Recreation, “Beauty Pagent”
Brooklyn Nine-Nine, “Ransom”
Every season needs at least one Cheddar episode. This is not at all a controversial opinion, but it’s worth saying out loud in case anyone thought differently.
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Big Night, Scott & Tucci 1995 [as of now this is available on Amazon Prime]
When Ian Holm isn’t running away with this, Isabella Rossellini (Big Beef and Cheddar in hand) is and when Isabella Rossellini isn’t running away with this, Minnie Driver is and when Minnie Driver isn’t running away with this, Tucci and Sheloub just keep passing it back and forth to each other while Liev Schreiber just silently stares at them from afar. This is a fantastic way to spend a Friday evening.
Mad Men, “New Amsterdam”, “5G”
Saturday, April 18
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Parks And Recreation, “Practice Date”, “Sister City”, “Kaboom”
“Practice Date” is the first “modern” episode of Parks. “Sister City” feels like one they had drafted for S1 and just couldn’t figure out how to get it in there (it’s definitely not a bad episode, but it feels way more like steps backward than forward). “Kaboom” is a wonderfully silly episode and a great debut for Aisha Muharrar (who is a Tier 1 Parks writer-please don’t ask me to rank them).
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Defiance, Zwick 2008 [as of now this is available on Netflix]
I had never watched this movie, because in the back of my head I’ve always suspected it would be real dumb and bad, because a WWII movie with Daniel Craig and Liev Schreiber, on paper, should be something people talk about more, but nah, this thing’s real dumb and bad. But not even fun-bad, just forgettable bad. It’s dumb-guy-Munich. 
Mad Men, “Babylon”, “Red In The Face”, “The Hobo Code”, “Shoot”
The Dick Whitman childhood really suffers from Al Swearengen just having a much better “raised by whores” story and also you can tell that Matthew Weiner thinks he’s doing important work by writing this stuff. And not to sound like a blog from 2007-2015, but Rachel really was the perfect match for Draper, holy shit. It’s also this stretch of episodes where Peggy starts to shine and Elizabeth Moss is definitely someone I take for granted, because I don’t really have to think about how good she is, because I know she’s good, but man she is really good at playing Peggy Olson. What an MVP.
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ts-hvv4 · 5 years ago
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EPISODE THREE: I’M A GENIUS AND A MORON - OLIVIA
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I'm still feeling weird in regards to old saint Nicklas. The vote went from him suggesting Ricky to everybody just hopping aboard that train in minutes/an hour so I think I'll have to leep my eye on him for sure. I dont want to say much for now though but I may need to start some seed droppin’.
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So I now have an alliance with Kurt, Sharifa, and Ned and tbh we stan. Kurt and Sharifa are messy bitches, and Ned is our straight ally. Olivia and Trent are shady and can go. This individual immunity twist is annoying, I'm fine with going to tribal I guess but the fact that up to 3 people on our tribe could win immunity... thank u next! Well, I guess I'll have to see how this challenge goes before I strategize further...
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I know you might need immunity Birch (more like you do) but why are you snatching from your tribe members? I guess you really want that immunity huh 😂😂 maybe there’s something I don’t know about.. I need to see about finding that idol just incase..
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Olivia tries to snatch the Ancient Thera Ticket from Matt Olivia tries to snatch the Ancient Thera Ticket from Matt Olivia tries to snatch the Ancient Thera Ticket from Matt Olivia tries to snatch the Ancient Thera Ticket from Matt Olivia tries to snatch the Ancient Thera Ticket from Matt Olivia tries to snatch the Ancient Thera Ticket from Matt
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With the twist of both tribes going to Tribal Council this round I’m feeling a little bit nervous. I can’t go for the immunity necklaces myself because of my work schedule. I’m not necessarily nervous for my own game though. The McBITCHES alliance and the TEA SLUTS alliance are both alive and well. OLIVIA and I are discussing possible boots as well and we’re leaning towards NED and JAKE since they’re both hardly around. Out of those two, I think I’d prefer JAKE to be the one voted out next. NED and I have a little bit of history from previous non-TS games and I genuinely think we could work well together. OLIVIA did pitch JAKE to me, so I think we could make that happen fairly easily. But it’s still very early and a whole lot of things could change between now and tribal.
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I’m a genius and a moron
* a bit later*
Me in a pepper Potts voice: you can rest now, summers 
Matt summers: finally closes his eyes knowing I can no longer spam him 
 Me: now onto this bitch Keegan who keeps trying to steal my goddamn ticket
* a while after that*
If Kurt takes one look at the atomic wiki my life is over
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Really really really bonded with Kurt during this challenge and the last few days. We were already buddies and good with each other but I feel closer than ever and I really love that dude 🥰
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Trent had to talk to me to get birch’s name out because we both wanted to say but I had him say it!! But I didn’t want to throw birch’s name out RIGHT in front of Keegan like that but he seemed to switch with us..idk if he’s for it or if it’s just for the group or if he’s just not for it but he probably doesn’t trust me for that LMAO yikes
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I’ve forgiven birch for what happened in our last game but I’ll never be comfortable existing in a game simultaneously as them ever again. I’ve been uncomfortable since day 1 and I hope we finally vote them out so that experience can stop plaguing me with birch’s presence
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Now that this challenge is 4.5 hours from finish, I suppose 9 would be a good time to get started or maybe sooner. A part of me felt it may be smarter to not post at all but I I don't want people getting too suspicious of me and feel I have an idol
Hmm so the goal today will be to get votes onto Emma and then proceed to get 2 votes on someone else in case of the idol...let's see if it goes anywhere!
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Kurt and I at tribal council with immunities around our necks https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wcTQclKPZ2g&feature=youtu.be
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Listen did I intentionally let slip that Kage most likely used that extra vote on Sarah later on so matt might change his vote and I would get the advantage IM NOT SAYING YES OR NO But also I’ve been so worried about summers but he said he wanted to work together and with smart people and the people on his tribe honestly seem frustrating and I was like babe sign me up. I hope he doesn’t strangle the life out of me again but I’d rather have a friend out of him than an enemy I chose the villainous route for the advantage 😬 if I told birch they were getting votes they would’ve flipped out and spiraled all day, I couldn’t do it. its only round three and it’s so messy oh my god. Please let me sleep and let this vote pass
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Sooooo. Olivia told me that people have been talking about me and Lukas in Uluru, so that fun. I have a target on my back because of a game i played 8 months ago and a person who isn't even on my tribe. I also don't have immunity. I think we are going Ned, but I have Paranoia.
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Tell me why Emma is saying there were nothing at Thera. That’s such a blatant lie. I don’t believe it. We just had our votes revealed AND an extra vote and she got nothing? Anyways. She’s already told Dennis where she looked for the idol. Tried talking to Sarah while she was at Thera. And then told me she had nothing there. So like clearly she don’t trust me like I thought she would when I first started playing Also just to be clear, it’s very likely Kage who voted Sarah this last round so we need to keep that in mind (and make her paranoid about it so she doesn’t stick with the 5).
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So now the immunity's over and it seemed Emma was going, but now I know she is likely going to vote Kage out, which is good that it isn't me, but I hope no idol play kills Kage ahh.
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My plan of wanting to vote our JAKE or NED didn’t exactly pan out the way I wanted to. The McBITCHES alliance decided that voting out BIRCH is our best option right now. They’re difficult to maintain conversation with and apparently they have a connection with Lucas on the other tribe. If there’s a swap that kind of connection could be bad. However everyone in this game has some kind of connection. It’s not necessarily a bad thing. NED and I have a bit of an alliance ongoing right now so keeping him around could definitely be beneficial.
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Both tribes are going to tribal. All 3 Immunities are at the other tribe and that is exactly how I wanted things to go. I wanted to keep the options for our tribal as open as possible 1/8 chance to be voted out is way better than 1/5, not that I could've been there for 24hrs to do the challenge anyways, but yeah. Long story short Matt approaches me and asks me to work together to keep the Ancient Thera ticket between us, just to properly find out what is going on there. Because for some reason a lightround has been activated from ancient Thera and an extra vote was cast, that wasn't revealed and nobody wants to own up to it. None of the ancient Thera people seem to wanting to talk about it. Matt gets the ticket, goes there and tells me that he has to fullfil this 1 task otherwise he loses his vote. Besides that he tells me that Malik is on the outs of the other tribe and Birch's option apparently was either, no advantage for themselves but advantage for the tribe or the other way around with a disadvantage for the tribe. So Kage lied : ))) I know that, Matt knows that, Sarah knows that. Kage is definitely NOT trustworthy. But who do we vote now? The idol has been found (somewhat likely by Kage, seeing that he mentioned the door quite a few times), but it also could be in the posession of literally anyone else. So it has been my goal for the entire cycle to stay good with everyone and make sure that if there is an advantage being played, it isn't played against me. Kage has been going around all day making sure the vote is on Emma, what I am okay with, since Emma has been literally non-available since the game started. But yeah let's see. Last tribal prove 1 thing and that we can most likely count on many advantages to be showing up in a season like this, so in the end. Anyone can go home...
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Right now, Emma's on and has been informed she is getting votes. Dennis claimed she wants to go on Kage, which confused me only because I thought he already told me but I guess that was just Nicklas and/or Matt...Matt at least told me haha so I hope this won't be flipping over on Kage but yeah the next few hours should be interesting
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So my alliance with Ned, Kurt, and Sharifa is confirmed with Malik on the side. The vote seems to be geared towards Birch since they’re not in our alliance or Sharifa’s alliance with Trent and Olivia. Apparently Birch is voting Ned and Trent or Olivia is throwing a vote on Ned, so it looks like Ned and I are throwing a vote on Keegan in case an idol is somehow played. Doesn’t matter to me as long as I’m not voted out. But after that I want my allies safe hehe. I think there will be a tribe swap next. I don’t really want to throw a vote because if i’m on a tribe with trent and olivia or keegan i’d have to own it or lie, either way there could be a good amount of tension. SOS!
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The closer it gets to tribal the worse I feel about the vote possibly being BIRCH. They’re just so lovely and fun to have around. NED is an alright dude but he’s so inactive compared to BIRCH or literally anyone on the tribe. It’s sort of painful to be voting out someone I genuinely like in the off chance that they align with someone they previously played with it a swap happens. But such is the game. In the long run keeping NED is actually going to be better for my game. Right now he’s currently just an extra vote to be used by whoever he sticks by. So I’m going to do my best to make sure that it is me he’s sticking by.
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I’m really really scared they’re all lying to me and it’s gonna be me tonight but I’ve just gotta go with the flow I guess. I don’t wanna look like a fool  
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have been mega busy but here's the lowdown Oliva and Trent are frickin chaches who think they're running the show but they're dumb Sharifa is my #1 now Sharifa Kurt Jake and I are in an alliance and Malik is our 5th number and we've formed to put a stop to Olivia and Trent But this vote we are voting out Birch because we don't want to cause a ton of chaos before the swap. And I am getting votes from Keegan and Birch so Jake and I are voting Keegan in case Birch plays an idol. I'm concerned about Oliva and Trent voting me as well, causing a 4-3-2 vote. I tried to convince everyone to vote Keegan/Olivia/Trent but no one wants to make any ripples. If I go home because of this I'll be big mad. Keegan sucks at this game and life Olivia and Trent also suck at this game and should leave the internet forever. 
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Okay so it should be Emma going tonight. I don’t like that bc I like Emma a lot but I guess people want whatever is easiest. TBH I don’t like Kage that much so I am just itching to flip but I know it’s too early to be a crackhead like that. So RIP Emma. Here are my thots on everyone Kage - a little brash and not fun to talk to, I want him gone like now. Matt - very nice and smart and needs to go before it’s too late. Sarah - I am coming to love her. Dennis - I <3 him. Nicklas - Cool but a lil much sometimes. I really try to vibe w him because I wanted him as my #1 but he’s hard to read. Andreas - Same as Matt. I think he’s easier to read but I think he’s also better socially than Matt. Anyone else - idek. I want a swap or sumn. I’m getting a little bored of these ppl. Also fuck whatever person got me eliminated from the last challenge. I was just trying to have funnnnnnnnnnnn! But everyone who got a necklace deserved it bc they worked so hard.
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Emma is fighting to get Kage out. And this is exactly why we’re friends. We literally just chose the same person because we don’t like him lol. I wonder if it helped that I tried convincing Sarah that Kage voted her the other day. Dennis is low key against it because he doesn’t want anyone to get mad. But I think imma try seeing if people would be willing to do it 
 ***20 mins later*** 
Okay welp. I tried. Emma’s been too inac tho and most people don’t think they should save her Whatever ig. I’m okay with it. Hopefully it doesn’t get back to Kage I tried to get people to flip I only really dislike Kage on my tribe. And have been less connected with Chris. But I’ve talked a lot with Dennis, Lukas, Matt, Sarah, and Andreas so as long as no one gets paranoid, the swap we’re all expecting shouldn’t be bad.
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