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still-july · 1 month ago

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hows it going !! have you read any good books lately ?? :)

hi rose!!! it's going alright, i just finished the exam i was most worried about so that's a relief

i've been reading lots of books lately!!! (no it's not escapism as a coping method shut up)

here are some of my favourites, in no particular order:

format = title: description (my personal thoughts)

currently reading

Octavia's Brood: a collection of social-justice based short stories (I'm not done with this one yet but I'm liking it so far! there was one i especially liked called the long memory, and i thought runway blackout and sanford and sun were really interesting too)

The Color of Law: a history book about the tactics of redlining and the HOLC (i can't read it too often or i get pissed, but it's well-researched and fascinating)

The Whalebone Theater: historical fiction set in 1928 England about an orphan who finds a whale washed up on the beach (i just started this one, so i have no clue where it's gonna go from here lol)

The Brothers Karamazov: a classic russian novel about family (i'm so mad at myself for this one. i was gonna read the importance of being earnest next off my classics list. i had it all planned i checked out the edition i wanted i was so ready. and then my stupid brain was like. what if we got absurdly sucked into this dostoevsky book instead. what if we threw off all of our plans. what if we squished alyosha's cheeks bc he's so freaking sweet. anyways i'm mildly obsessed and i want to finish it as fast as possible so i can get into the fandom. also fyodor pavlovitch deserves to die in a ditch please and thank you)

Butch is a Noun: a collection of essays about butch identity and queer theory (i have already ranted about this but it's soooo good and also free online! more ppl should read it)

recently finished

A Psalm for the Wild-built: a eco-futuristic book about a traveling monk who meets a robot (REALLY REALLY GOOD. i knew i was gonna like it bc several ppl recommended it to me but wow. amazing. unfortunately the wait time is ages so i haven't read the second in the series yet)

Another North: a collection of essays about loss (it was alright but not my favorite ever. i did recommend it to my mom who loved it though)

Picks and Shovels: third book in the marty hench series, thriller novel about a forensic accountant (the description makes it sound boring but it's really really not i LOVE this series so goddamn much. it's suspenseful and vibrant and just a fucking fabulous series. also i just really really love Cory Doctorow and his writing. his fiction is great (especially Radicalized ughhhh) and also his nonfiction blog pluralistic.net is incredibly well written and important. also i got to meet him at a (free!!) book signing! he was so nice :)) also also: his 4-part podcast on cbc called understood: who ruined the internet is great. it talks about how awful the Internet is now and names the EXACT people who enacted the policies that made it that way. 2 out of the 4 episodes are out, it's really insightful and important especially right now. tl:dr Cory Doctorow is pretty much the most important science/tech person on the Internet right now and the martin hench series is a great entry point to his stuff. it got me caring about things like interoperability and ip law and the legal precedent on open source code. anyways the first book is called red team blues and i highly recommend it!!!)

We're Here: a collection of the best queer speculative fiction of 2020 (generally pretty good, i really really liked the short story the currant dumas though)

The City We Became: speculative fiction novel about cities that become human (look. I know I've talked about this already. but jesus fuck goddamn christ i fucking LOVE neek i need to absorb him into my body. in a platonic way though. he is literally everything to me i think about him constantly. i guess there are other characters in the book too)

Iron Widow: fantasy with a strong Chinese influence (my lovely mutual @rootbeerrex recommended this to me and i finished it within 48 hours. really really good book, i can't wait to read the second one (i unfortunately left it at a friend's house and can't get it back until this weekend :/ )

finished a while ago but am still thinking about because it's so good

Symphony for the City of the Dead: biography of Dmitri Shostakovich, a Russian composer (OUGH i really really liked this one. it made me want to be friends with shostakovich which is maybe not the best thing for a historical work to be but makes for a very fun reading experience. also i just really love shostakovich's music so it was cool to learn the context in which it was written. this book was one of the few biographies i really loved, i don't usually go for them but this was worth it)

The Mars House: a sci-fi book about the politics between mars-born people and earth-born people (i'm putting it on this list because i really liked the worldbuilding and the first half but i wasn't a big fan of the ending tbh. january deserved better)

The Boy with a Bird in his Chest: a fantasy realism coming-of-age story about a boy named owen who literally has a bird living in his ribcage. it's also a metaphor for queerness though (RAFGHJGKFJFHGGHH i loved this book so much!!!!! i don't know why but it hits so hard. definitely made me sob at multiple points. probably gonna reread it as soon as i can. fantastic book. please read it)

Between The World and Me: nonfiction letter by Ta-Nehisi Coates to his son about the realities of being Black in america (incredible piece of literature, i think everyone should read it at least once. it's also inspired by Baldwin's Letter to My Nephew which is hands-down my favourite Baldwin essay, so that was cool!)

The Book Eaters: dark & gritty fantasy set in the UK, about several mysterious families who have the power to eat books and consume their contents. however, some rare children are born with a hunger not for books, but for human minds. (definitely a page-turner!! i couldn't set it down and i read it in like a day. horror/gritty fantasy isn't really my usual genre but it was really well done here)

Africa is Not a Country: nonfiction writing that pushes against preconceptions and stereotypes about Africa (OUGH. incredibly well-written and honestly necessary for today. also the author dipo faloyin is very funny and makes it engaging even when dealing with depressing history. on an unrelated note, did you know that approximately 90% of Sub-Saharan Africa's cultural artefacts are outside of the continent? anyways go read this book, then get mad about it, and then go do something about it.)

bonus: books i've already read before but reread recently

This Is How You Lose the Time War: a novella about two agents on the opposing sides of an interdimensional war who fall in love through time and space (i've read this once before but i recently got the chance to buy it on national indie bookstores day so obviously i leapt at the chance! and it is absolutely as good as i remembered)

Howl: this doesn't technically count as a book but i'm adding it in anyways because it's amazing. it's a long poem by Allen Ginsberg about outcasts from society and the Beat generation and liberation and it's fucking amazing. I've been rereading it a couple of lines at a time each morning, because i like making myself feel strong emotions first thing after i wake up. seriously though it's one of the most evocative pieces of writing i've read and also it makes me kind of want to carve it into my skin which is a normal response to good poetry for sure

The Anthropocene Reviewed: a collection of essays written by John Green, who used to work as a book reviewer, in which he reviews various products of humanity on a five-star rating, from diet dr. pepper to kentucky bluegrass to the notes app. (this is possibly my favourite book of all time <- lying because i am unable to choose just one favourite book :| however it is almost definitely my favourite nonfiction book, and i reread it as often as i can. it's a gorgeous study on humanity, both the good and the bad, and i absolutely think everyone should read this. i know I've said that about multiple of these books already but i really mean it for this one. my favorite essays are: academic decathlon, lascaux cave paintings, "new partner", and harvey)

okay that's it i'm done now! there's a lot more nonfiction on there than i usually read bc that was my new year's resolution and i'm actually enjoying it a lot! i just checked out this book on ancient Persia that i'm super excited to read :D also there's a lot of essays/anthologies which was not intentional, i don't know why i've been reading so many of those lately

anyways i would apologize for the sheer volume of this but you know me well enough by now to know better to expect me to have restraint. however i will apologize for the late response, life has been kicking my ass lately

#i think if i had to pick 3 to recommend to you it would be:#the anthropocene reviewed + the boy with the bird in his chest + africa is not a country #there are definitely more books that i wanted to put in here but i forgor #anyways this is what I've been reading recently! i did leave out most of my rereads with a few notable exceptions ofc #just cause i reread books a lot when i don't have the energy to consume a new media #and since i've read a lot of the books i own to the point of memorization #i just zone out and let my brain fall into the familiar patterns #so i'm not counting it as actually READING reading #asks #july's bookshelf #<- new tag i think for book recs

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telesodalite · 2 months ago

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Thinking about KrokFire...

Thinking about them sparring in the cargohold, because it's a long trip, and cabin fever is setting in, and Misfire is gonna pop a gasket if he doesn't do something about it soon, since flying in open space gets real boring real fast, and it's making everyone a little nervous, but Krok has time to kill, and maybe, quietly, he's also two steps away from doing something stupid just to feel alive again after cruising around pointlessly, mindlessly, endlessly, for so so long... (It's barely been a month)

And sure, Misfire is a terrible sparring partner. He has no technique, no concept of proper balance, or an inkling of how to use the weight of his own frame. He rushes headfirst like he's more bull than fighter jet, he talks too much, he spits, he bites, and he can't stand losing. But, in a roundabout way, it almost makes him the perfect partner in Krok's eyes.

Crankcase won't spar, "can't" he claims flatly, gesturing at the gaping hole in his helm, but Krok can respect his want for distance. That occasional flash of fear and frozen unease in Crankcase's visor in close combat doesn't go over his head. He knows that look. He gets it. He won't push.

Fulcrum... well, a streetlight might be a tougher fight, or at least it would stay up longer and complain less. So much for a once respectable officer of the empire. What was Deathsaurus' command thinking promoting anyone without any actual combat training? It would almost be pathetic if Fulcrum didn't find a way to put the vitriol of thrown fists into his words instead. Now there was some swears Krok hadn't heard in a couple millennia, it would be inspiring if it wasn't his own spark Fulcrum had been damning to the pits and back through a bloody nose.

Spinister? Now Spinister was a good fighter, a better fighter, Krok wasn't so prideful to deny that truth. He'd tasted the dust of the cargohold floor enough to know it was a definitive fact. But Spinister held back, he was careful, he matched Krok's pace, his movements, he held himself defensively, any attack was quick, simple, and merely restraining. It was less a fight, and more a waiting game until Krok finally gave up, and that... well, that did sting a bit.

But Misfire? Misfire was a different beast all together. Sure Krok could dance circles around the flier all day, but it wasn't totally effortless work, he had to stay sharp, Misfire was so predictably unpredictable, he kept him thinking, moving, on his toes, and maybe it felt good to sidestep another stupid headfirst charge, easily grabbing and swinging Misfire around by his arm, so unbalanced all Krok had to do was let him go, and the weight of his own frame would send him careening into the crates stacked around them.

Most days, Misfire would give up by then, pull himself off the pile of overturned cargo with no small amount of burning shame and frustration, as he avoided Krok's optics and stormed off into the bowels of the ship before Krok could say something to ease the sting of losing again and again. Misfire didn't want his apologies though, and even as a pang of guilt ate at him over it, Krok knew he'd be back eventually.

But today, too pent-up and bored to quit now, Misfire pushed himself back onto his feet and charged back in again, and again, and again.

And Krok moved with him again, and again, and again. It was almost repetitive, but lively enough that he could feel the energon pumping through his head, a thrumming beat in his audials that reminds him of deafening battlefields and roaring stadiums, and oh, he'd missed this feeling, the adrenaline, the movement, more so than he thought he did.

Maybe it's the overconfidence that gets him then, or the memories pulling him out of the present, but Misfire's fist suddenly comes slamming down into his mask, and for a moment everything becomes a blur, until he finds himself on the floor, clutching at the shattered metal falling from his face in disbelief.

Faintly he can feel the twinge of broken mesh, of pain pinching dully across scarred flickering sensors, and maybe it's the adrenaline that pulls a suprised and breathy laugh out of him as he stares down at the pieces in his hand.

Maybe it's also the disbelief, the sudden shock at being struck hard enough to break his mask, by Misfire of all mechs. Or maybe he's cracked his helm, finally snapping something important deep in his processor, some vital function that kept him sane all these years.

Either way, an old familiar buzz of heady energy fills his chest, loosening his joints and straightening his struts as he stands back up, brushing off the broken remains of his mask as he stares back at Misfire, barefaced and bleeding and amused as the flier's optics go bright and wide.

And all Misfire can do for a moment is stand there, wide-eyed and breathless, his own adrenaline filled frame and hammering processor still trying to make sense of the broken plating of his knuckles and the energon trickling down Krok's scarred lips.

But connections are made, and it's a panicked realization at first, a cold dread, a 'ohhhhh fuck oh primus I fucked up I'm dead I'm so fucking dead-!' sort of feeling, as Krok's marred face breaks into an energon stained grin. But then there's another feeling, growing somewhere underneath the panic, a sudden curl of heat in his chest, a flush of pride, conviction, a sort of frenzied joy at the sight of broken mesh and fresh energon, and another rush of hot anticipation as Krok began to move again, circling, waiting, an unspoken question in the air as he rolls his shoulders back and flexes his hands.

And Misfire answers eagerly, suprising himself almost as he charges foward again, wanting more of that feeling, wanting to win again.

It's not really sparring past this point, and somewhere in the back of their minds they both know that. Every strike, every kick, every punch, it's all thoughtless instinct, each clash of plating, and bite of denta, and scrape of fingertips, is part of a mad dash for victory in the gladiator pit of scrap and debris they've built around themselves.

Of course, it can't last forever. They're no real gladiators, no phase-sixers, no primes, and movements get sluggish, vents rattle and wheeze as coolant pumps reach their limits, and building condensation slides powerless punches right off of scuffed metal and mesh.

Even like this though, worn out and bleeding from more scrapes than he had half a mind to count, Krok is still better, and Misfire is still predictable, and it's no great feat to sweep his legs out from beneath him, landing him flat on the floor, wings spread out and chestplate heaving.

Overworked joints sharply protest as he goes to pin the flier down bodily, and finally Krok faces the fact he has to consider how to end this, so he might let his own beaten frame finally still for a moment to breathe.

But as Krok catches one flailing arm in his grip, scoffing at the desperation, still goading Misfire on even as he tries to end this, a hand stubbornly catches his throat, but stops before it can truly squeeze.

And once more they're not really moving, just staring, watching, but it's less wired and tense now, rather, its shaky, a little unfocused, as exhaustion filters out in heaving puffs of hot air between their frames.

Someone's plating is rattling, Krok isn't sure if it's his own or Misfire's, but the cost of adrenaline is painfully noticeable now. His grip loosens on Misfire's arms, and the idea of total victory is less sweet as his cables begin to ache throughout his inner-framework.

But Misfire's hand slides up to catch his jaw before he can lean back and relent to a truce, and he's pulling him closer, and Krok starts to push him off, call it quits before either of them breaks something past repair, but a flash of energon on Misfire lips catches his eye, and that hadn't been there a moment ago?

Before he can even begin to ask what that was supposed to mean, Misfire is pulling him down again, angling his helm upwards to feverishly meet his lips half-way.

Although the mesh of Misfire's face was throughly bruised and scuffed, Krok had frustratingly failed to return the favor of a busted lip. So, it had to be his own, smeared across Misfire's face at some point in the scuffle, it shouldn't have been interesting in the slightest, but Krok's processor was hazy, slow, and his optics trailed Misfire's glossa as he licked his lips and made an odd curious sound.

And maybe it was a stupid move to make so impulsively, one he'd regret making probably, but still too caught up in the waning heated high of the fight, Misfire figured he could worry about losing such a hard-earned battle later. Right now, this seemed far better than actually winning, and the taste of Krok's energon felt like a victory and reward nonetheless.

Bracing himself as Misfire wriggled his other hand free to splay out over his thigh, holding him desperately against his frame as he tried pulling him even closer, Krok considered the heat dispersion warnings flickering distractingly in his peripheral, and the very noticeable strain on his back and legs, even his arms.

It's not a great position to be in right now, after all they've done already. He'll regret it, he knows he will, his body will make sure of it, if Spinister doesn't first.

But then Misfire's glossa is sliding against the jagged edges of his teeth, and he's making hoarse little pathetic noises into Krok's mouth that stoke some sort of ego at having the flier so desperate beneath him, and Misfire's hands are warm and heavy over aching plating and seams, and really, on second thought, after weeks of boredom, why the hell not?

They've got nowhere to be.

#*cough* uh. 👋👁👁. hi. nice to see ya. lovely weather we're having eh? what was that? oh. editing? spell checking? never heard of her #this is just... pure unfiltered mental spiraling. could i have written it down in a proper fic? yes indeed. did i? ha! nope #''jesus fucking christ teles'' you might think. ''go the fuck to sleep'' and i agree. but!#i get my best ''visions'' in the acursed hours between midnight and daybreak. and also the gumption to actually write shit down #i am a coward when the sun is out and im (mostly) rested. id never post at all if it weren't for the confidence of sleep deprivation #...thats a lie. but it feels true. its easier to not overthink shit at night ig? i 'unno :/#anywhoooo. so. uh? that was smth. i said i thought they should kick the snot outta eachother and i meant it #jokes aside. i genuinely wanted to plot this idea out in like. proper fic form. but i havent had the brain power to do so #so. yeah. its all flow of thought ig. which technically counts. but still. not as proper and neat as id prefer from myself. but ehhh #better to make something instead of nothing. right? probably. ya know what? yes! bcs ai cant fucking compete with my shitty 3-5am spirals #gonna stop myself before i start thinking abojt all that ai shit ahain. ive never been so pissed in my life as ove bern these past months #fuck ai man...#i need to sleep. theres birds chipring. which is dope. always. but still. gotta sleep thru that.#uhhhhh #cw suggestive #<- just in case? maybe? idk #not gonna tag this onr me thinks. if ya see it ya see it👁👁👍#quick noye tho. in tbr fic plan. i thought of ending it with fulc wandering in asking for smth or other-#-only to pause mid-sentence. gawk at all the damage. and the fact thr mibs is vaguely tryinf to eat krks face off-#-before politely excusing himself with an apology for intruding. as the logical side of him goes for speen to give a headups-#-and the rest of hims fianly accepting that smth is def wrong with him bcs ....goddamn😳 maybe sparrings not so bad🤔#they shoudl invitr him.to eatch mayhaps. crkcsr can bring popcorn. and speen can stress the fuck out over ebery ding and dent #i hate thrse losers so much. i say as they still somehow consume ny every waking thought

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