#what teh fuck was this cluster fuck

[incarnateirony]

The most annoying part to me about people ignoring not only what you're saying, but Jensen and the others... This fandom 'joked' for MONTHS about his silence because he was mad. Now that there is undeniable proof that was true, half of them are ignoring are pretending they didn't see it. Outside of when asked by others a question that man didn't talk about the series until The Winchesters was announced but again people ignore it.

You want the truth? The same reason people are unstable as fuck in what they do on things like that is the same reason I catch so much horse shit, all around.

Very few people in this fandom are genuine. In what they say, believe. Some think they're genuine, many don't care to bother. The same person that'll say Misha was Teh Debil for running back in the closet or whatever will turn around like 2 days later and wail BUT WHAT IF WE DON'T GET MISHA GREETS. Logic source: Some shit they made in their own head that makes ZERO sense.

A lot of it has to do with trying to moralize fandom for control, rather than moralize themselves for honesty. But if they can, they turn everything into a perceived spin of righteousness. This goes as deep as even the j2 tinhats, where they've built themselves worlds where they can disregard anything they don't like as "PR" under the imagination of Being True Fans That Know The Truth. It positions them morally above other fans (due to delusion) and warrants excessive, often attention seeking behaviors.

The average panic-- whatever the chicken little bullshit of the day is-- ratings, cancellations, plots, who will or won't show up, who is or isn't satan, the Horrific What If of the day--is about giving the person themselves attention, rather than if that person critically inspected that belief or has any meaningful, stable, or continuous morals guiding it.

Then you get the congoers that forget they're just consumers because they've earned recognition. They forget this and start taking up all the air in the M&G room, which annoys other people, who then ask HOW those people get THOSE experiences, They Must Be Special. Begrudgingly. Rather than them just being overconfident while others are shy, and sucking all the air out of the room.

Many of them KNOW they're twisting or warping takes, many of them KNOW they are overglorifying their placement in things. Many of them hide behind civility culture games. Very few have confidence in what they say, as much as twist things they hear to try to convince THEMSELVES of something.

So with all of that, I'm blunt as fuck, I'm efficient as fuck, I've always managed to run circles around this exact same group of numpties since day one, they've gotten saltier and banded together into groups of failed numpties. It isn't even about being right anymore to them, it's about Trying To Make Me Wrong. Or leave. Or whatever. HOW COULD AARON HAVE POSSIBLY KNOWN ALL THIS EVEN BETTER THAN JARED THE WHOLE TIME THATS IMPORRRRSIBLE!!!! No, it's fuckin not.

But they all lie and exaggerate and jump moral bars all the time. In fact look at how many failboats those big ITK people had in years past, WHY they're so angry. They've always exaggerated what they've known so they HAVE to project I'm doing the same, because they literally *do not understand* that *they can not pay pass to what I do.*

But it's that. So people that formerly saw SexySilence FUNNY, are suddenly like. Nono, protecting my viewpoints, both my victim mindset, my lack of culpability in being a dick to creatives, etc--protecting this ego and denying it is more important right now.

Flip, flop, flip, flop.

It's no one side. It's that this fandom is infested with people with attention seeking personalities and, frankly, other cluster B traits. And sure those can be managed, but they don't. They don't manage. They just get into a Cluster of Cluster B and lob their shit at everyone.

Doesn't matter to them how True something is, really. They think if they say it enough, it'll make it true. In their heads, seems to be what I'm doing--I talk, something comes true. But that's because, you know, I've actually spoken with these creatives outside of transactional relationships and have paid attention and listened for years. So yeah, I talk, something comes true. You can't just. Replicate that off of pure stubborn bullshit. You can't just Project your headcanon of the universe into reality.

Consumers found a property full of other entitled consumers building psychosocial bubbles of nonreality in the internet where everyone patted them on the head and told them it was as okay to get as hysterical and ridiculous and embarassing as they want Cuz Feelings. Then they just. Assume everyone else is being as fake.

So yeah. All you're seeing is the shit I've been telling the genuine people that WANT to listen and WANT the truth for years: the people that often made the biggest hysterical noises over the years, or even are right now, don't even care about the actual result of the hysterics, they just care about the attention they get in the time between.

[mindbleeds]

Notebooks found after flood 12/27/22

Focused on good steps

See how easily your mind can shift

Going from negative and questioning

To authentic sturdy positivity

It seems trivial at times, when really its just a misconception of the value in being/keeping simplicity

A bit past three and there is nobody around. A little fucked up, here silence is the loudest sound. Becoming better and making changes. A bit distraught I am just filling up these lines on these pages. Repeating how im not good enough for him. A sea of thoughts that I am drowingng in. If I told you that things get better then Id be lying. Dont know how to make this all right again, but im trying. When the breeze picks up, I hope to drift away. And when the pain sets in, I hope you choose to stay

Tonight I wont sleep. Keep me awake in your dreams. Tomorrow might give reason as to what this all means. For now, this porch is a santuary. And one more sleepless night reinstills my obscure sanity

Here I stand, commencing a peaceful celebration at the edge of this continent. It happens every single morning and night. 

Mother Nature provides us with moments to remain in

Filled with music, lights, and entertain ment

All we have to do is be present

Give back to her the gift of whole hearted embracement

See the natural beauty of all of earths creations

Surrounding you

And find

Youre one of them as well

We stood at the edge of what we had imagined forever might feel like

We found shelther in a cave where darkness and the cold became our home. We came to love it and came to know what the other on of us was

I couldnt hold these words for you any longer

They all held remnants of so many honeysuckle sunsets

That led to nights of staying up far too late

I thought you werent meant to say things like “sleep well babe” to people that didnt matter

But you do

You did

And so I did

And now all thats left are all of these heavy baskets I was forced to bring in off from the front porch

Sheilding them from getting wet and potentially smearing

In case you might need something from them again

But I need to give them back today

Got to let them go and weave a new basket

All these baskets that are filled with left over remnants of honeysuckle sunsets and pine needle nights

On a foggy beach, misty afternoon. The empty shore goes further than my eyes can see. Footprints from the early risers on their morning beach-jogs. Riddled with craters from heavy raindrops hitting. The ocean is a deeper navy than im used to seeing and its extra foamy. As it washes up it leaves little trinkets along the coast for beach goers to collect and give to loved ones. I come across a shell thats perfectly unweathered. I hold it in my palm for a minute and admire its natural beauty then I toss it back into the ocean and I make a wish

Barefooted where the water washes up and over my unpainted toenails of my tatted foot. Its picturesque the way that I sink in deeper with each rise and drift of the tide. For such a chillu early spring day the water is warm. On the horizon cargo ships move along. I always wonder what they are carrying and where its going to. I wonder if people think the same things as I do. A few people pass by, they simple and I smile too. 

I move a little ways from the water and up onto a lifeguard tower. From here I can see the city through the fog. I stay here for a while until I remember my peace. Long enough for the mist to go away and for teh gaurds to tell me Ive got to go. I breathe in the salty air. And draw a picture in the sand. Wash mu feet before I get to the parking lot, and into my car. A quiet drive back to shleter and my bed. Tonight I will rest easy. Thanks to the ocean once again

Greedy eyes better look away. See how they long to step inside my mind without an invitation and I cant break from the state of flux im in where I am drowning out all distractions and building up this creative vision

Grateful just to be livin unlimited and elevated. Forming word clusters resonating with my soul of an indigo hue vibrating higher feel what I can do

Laying it down. Countless times. Consider this a refresher

Let the beauty come pouring out. Long enough it has been running through my veins. Undneath all this pain a sparkle remained in both of my eyes on the most unexpected of days, it became known again. It was that little bit of magic that kept me and still keeps me going. 

To know that in the midst of everything, magic can happen, wounds heal, grace saves, and it is possible for something liek you to search so deep within yourself- not to find any sort of answer but to discover further and more in depth who you are and what you are here to bring to the world. So that in everything you do it is eveyrhitng you are. And you do it so humbly even angels admire it. You are waking up into something more

Connected surpassing all the times I felt neglected

You’re here, right?

Say you rage so hard, right?

Time to put that mentality to the test

Im the neutral party here

Youre the one who’s working the show

Im living and listening

Gotta vent? Get it out

Trying to just shove it all on me? Cut that shit now

Look twice

But dont question even once

Actually really living without regrets

Giving zero fucks, actually

Few are capable of handling me

My ppl know when to leave it alone

And I give it back ten fold their direction

See I show up

Not only for you regularly

But also for me

Selfish

But look how I radiate

Sit back and question

How could I do it any other way

Than this one

This right here counts

Real is what matters

Theyll turn to view the artist

Find goodness and beauty along the way

Seeking it out 

On display 

In a gloomy distraught place

New creators will find their voices

Visionaries will be forced to adjust in the shift

Into alignment with natures message

Theyll be the ones who interpret it

This is what we need

To feel lonely, overwhelmed

Totally clueless about what will happen

For somewhere in that. Fear and desparation

We are bound to discover a newfound hope

So feel what youre feeling

Stay plugged in

Take breaks and remember to

Breathe

I know we will get to a better tomorrow eventually

Rest now

Take it one day at a time 

Sure, youre inside

But are you going to look outside of yourself or go and lock the front door

Look out your window and feel lucky enough to have shelter?

Will it all go back to normal like ti was or is this our chance to redefine normal”? Will you let the anxieties of being completely not in control define and dictace your days or can you pause to know every person is feeling thatanxiety to varying degrees? Wake up to the goodness buried in there

(About 2020)

Sit down take a secodn feel the ground take a breath in and hold it still 1 2 3 4 now let it out

Its a mystery whats left to come thats why I love it

I let myself fall deeply into some of the most unassuming moments

Wouldnt call it something beautiful but theres something great about it

It doesnt happen on purpose

Its only real to me when it unintentionally happens

Force makes it feel fake

This is the push of the universe. Im reciebing gifts I dont deserve

Writing about what im feeling is probably good

Putting it into words- I tend to jump and overanalyze/. Theres a pandemic happening and somehow I dont feel all that panicked- its odd but this isnt about me

Speak only when its time to say checkmate

Write in silence

Gotta let me

E s c a p e 

Into that void

This empty space

No time

Total lack of linear structure

Where I find

Whats incomprehendable to a simple mind

All I know is that this one thing right here

See,

This

Is 

Mine

She does the work and does whats right. Reads up on Jesus to celebrate easter with her family respectfully though to the norm (nam?) she respectfully declines. heartwarmth she is the buddha in the studio. 

Run it. Make me ratchet. Make it crave it till I ask please can I have it

He settles for what he can take

All that he makes

Gets swept away

Hes always running towards heartbreak

Cause its his own

Hes out to shake

She wants so badly to let him in

Hes wearing thing

Her chest caves in

And so does his

One final leap

Today begins

Sunlight

Golden beams hit my body 

Shadows on my ribs

Craters and waves

The ocean, my soft skin

When its broken down be motivated by the sounds - like how when it stops in the surroundings- still we create- loud

Containment makes it worse

Theyre like “do this”

Meanwhile im trying to explain how hard it is to write relevantly but how easy it is to write about a bathroom door

Indeed

Now that Ive found him there is no sense In making myself be grounded

Know that when its forever

It just keeps getting better

I tried to wrap my head around coincidenece

Couldnt make sense of it

Then I met him

The calm of letting things go

Breathing, feeling, living and feeling whole on my own

Its all because he found me

So many weights disappeared and were lifted

I sort of always knew that Im gifted

Searching for that gifts purpose

Could I return it? 

Give it back to the betterment of whatever is left thats still good?

When I come back

I reiterate

It isnt over yet

Matter of face

This is only jsut the start

Soo ill take on my role

Quite literally play my part

Selfish as it seems from your perspective

This is always for you

Not me

Drip

Drift

Descend

Fall 

In

To

Fade away into Neverland

Wild dreams that speak

Are filtered

Outrageous thoughts

Deemed too controversial

Well im craving an uproar

Desiring the upside down 

Pray that we lose all sense of normal

To be forced into a new right side up

Maybe then 

People change

Maybe then

Weve still got a fighting chance

To make this a better place

When its my turn to speak

Listen from a “all the past is erased” point of view

Im here to say

We can make it happen

Youve got to be with me the whole way

Is the ceiling caving in or is it exploding?

Feeling weightless yet grounded in the moment

I lost track of all the days last week

I think

That Ive got no clue what im even really thinking

But when im just feeling like this

It feels so right to just go with it

I move

Are you with me

Pray you dont ever forget

Its me who is in charge 

Of the pace of this

The ebbs and flows

The waves youve been riding

Thats all me

Always will be

Always has been

There is no next step

There is only here

There is only now

Just this moment

To take up residency in

At a table

Surrounded by a bunch of tall grass

And weeds

The light is shining down, you can see it really clearly

The river thats ahead is canopied by trees and the birds on all the wispy branches are out there singing the songs that they sing

I am intricately interwoven 

Into this tapestry of life

Some days I know exactly what I am doing and where I am going

Other days I have absolutely no ideas

This does not slow me down becasue I trust the process of it all

I carry a sack full of goals and ambitions with me. I dream alot. Visions are what I feel I can hold onto. They get clearer the more time I devote to developing them. The more I alloow myself to jsut be, the more abundant they/it becomes. The more that I surrender to the wild excitement that comes along with living, the happier and calmer I become. I am opening myself up to more movement with no real expectation fo what that might lead me to. I am worthy of this journey. I am here

I am willing

And I am always ready to take on whatever life hands me

The smell of the river mixed with bug spray

The red cardinal waiting for me patiently at the front door

Calm and at ease

Pleasant

My head rests on my knee

A fresh start

Still it sort of seems the same

Im learning the value in that

How to not just shy away

How to allow

Take in

Hold on

Feel

Impact

Let go

Release

Reverberate within the atmosphere

Its sort of smelly here

Then again, so am I 

My god its been a while since Ive been able to just sit back and relax 

Like we used to do back when we still felt like kids

Feels like ages since back then, hard to believe how much weve grown

But im so glad that we grew the way we have

I know that nothing can erase the past

No substnace is gonna change what is fact

Im okay with all of that

I wont ever deny whats true or withold any of the details of my story and struggle

I stand by saying all I did had to be done 

I feel like I might be capable of getting this message through and across

You cannot blame yourself for being guarded. 

Closing off

For protecting your once-soft heart that over time was hardened

I know its hard, that people can be mean

They can backstab and betray you. I  know its easier to just get up and walk away than it is to wait around for someone when youve become so accustomed to how they all leave. I cant promise you that everyday will be sprinkled with magic and glitter but I can tell you that one day, the right ones will come along, and youll know theyre the right ones to come because they are the ones who will stay.

Proud of how you have fought to not push them away

[glorioustidalwavedefendor]

Finally saw all three Doctor who specials ...

Ahm ... didn’t really care for them?

So, the first one was the best IMHO

It had a really good plot but I personally feel like it wasn’t enough for an hour long special.

Plus I personally felt the writting was a bit half done ... I feel like this could potentially have ended up beeing a classic episode, but the writting just wasn’t there

Plus, and maybe I am just dumb, but I personally find the handwaving as explanation was more pronounced this time then is common even for Doctor Who.

The second one was just plain forgettable, which IMHO is unforgivable, because: Zheng Yi Sao!

Like, her live is so intersting that you propably could have done a good old, historical episode, with no alien shenanigans and it still would have been awesome

But instead they just name drop her, (give no explanation for anyone who hasn’t already heard of her) and then focus is 100% on teh alien shenanigans

WHICH WOULD BE FINE if the where any good

But ... they are not

They are generic at best

I mean ... I personally wouldn’t have revived the Sea Devils ...

If Warriors of teh deep was good for anything then to teach us that ...

Look, just leafe the Sea Devis where they are, O.K.?

I mean ... the fact that the writting team was so white it glows in teh dark doesn’t help ...

And you’d think, with one half of the team beeing a women, they wouldn’t make Zheng Yi Saos entire motivation the fact that she is a mother and needs to get her kids back

Like ... no idea if that ever happened but that is the least intersting part about her.

Also, you CAN’T sail a ship that size alone.

The Erebus and Terror had to be rigged a certain way, to make du with a much smaller crew and they still had a crew of 19 AB’s each PLUS petty officers ...

And the fact that I even remebert that titbit means that I was not in fcat having a good time.

Plus, just on a personal note, I am not really a fan of companion falls in love with the doctor ... and I can’t say this time was handled with anymore grace then the last time ...

Really sorry ... I lieke Jasmin a lot ... I do.

But ... look ... maybe introduce this a little sooner?

In an epidsode where there is some breathing room?

Give this time to grow?

Don’t introduce this the year where there are only three specials insteda of a whole season?

Like, again, I don’t like companion falls in love with teh doctor story lines ... but if I have to tolerate one, I would have loved it, if it got the time to really breath ...

Oh well ...

Which brings us to the last

Oh boy ... what a cluster fuck ...

Like ... we don’t even get some handwaving why 9 wasn’t there or 10 or 11 or 12 ...

And like, i get it ... there was behind the scenes drama with Eccelston and Matt Smith is bussy fucking his dragon or something ...

But maybe, don’t write a script where it makes fuck all sense why the others arent around ...

Mayby just limit it to McCoy and peter Davidson ?

That would have made sense with Tegan and Ace beeing there ...

But then there is a suprise Colin Baker out of nowhere ... and a Paul McGan ... why?

And don’t get me wrong ... I love all ofthem and it was nice to see them again <3

But please, ... do me and THEM the common curtesy of writting a good script.

Also, we got John Hartnell ... sort of ... but not Patrick Throughton, Jon Pertwee, Tom Baker ... for no good reason ...

And so .. the master sitting there, wearing different parts of different doctors iconic wardrope, playing the secodn Doctors recorder, is the best summary of this episode ...

It’s the worst kidn of fanservice ... it’s eh kind of fanservice that thrifes on “ I member” ...

And that is just the cluster fuck with the doctors ...

The plot again is half backed at best, and in dire need of some some wore work

I feel like in ths case there was to much plot and it would have really worked out better if the whole thing would have been distributed over three special insteda of one.

The first one could habe been the train and the cypermasters

(Which would also have given Dans personal arc more time, I felt like it came out of left field for no other reason then getting Dan out of the way)

The second one the whole dalec the debacle and the last one reveals it was teh master all the time

Also that is not even remotely how vulcanos work and again, the fact that my brain pointed that out means I was not having a good time

(My brain is totally fine with two full moons in one week, if it is havig fun)

Also ... I found myself missing Eric Roberts ... which is never a good sign ...

Don’t get me wrong Sacha Dhawan is doing a greta job with what he has been given ...

But the writting on the master is just ... not good.

Plain not good ... I was not having a good time ...

Like this was a great oportunety to get to know the master beyond “villain” which can be fun ...

Like I really liked Missy.

I did.

I miss her ...

But yeah, the point is that the script is full of missed oportuneties.

Well, ... RTD is back ... 10 is back ...

Let’s hope that if the 60th aniversary specila also ends up beeing a cluster fuck ... please at least let it be an entertaining cluster fuck ...

Let it be “The five Doctors (1983)” instead of “Dimensions in time” (1993)

[arty-e]

My Tudors series ‘review

Y’all asked for this so here comes my rant review about the Tudors:

TW: Rape mentions

First things first let’s address the biggest elephant in the room and that is the costumes. Holy shit series 1 was fucking painful with the costumes. At least they got the basic dress shape for the women but other than that the women costumes were painful to look at. The headdresses were the biggest crime of them all. There were no French hoods, at least no accurate French hoods. Also why were there so many sequences! What was going on with all that glitter!! Don’t get me started on the hair! One lady in waiting (Joan Bulmer) had a fucking bob! A bob! The men costumes weren’t great at the beginning but as the series went on they did improve quite a lot. I’m gonna give credit where credit is due and say it did improve as the series went on as a whole (but not by a lot).

Now that we’ve got the costumes complaints out the way lets actually talk about the ‘contents’ of the series. First of all why the fuck was Charles Brandon such a big deal in this?! He wasn’t as important as the series implied him to be. I feel they only added him so that there was a consistent character through out the show and who was at least a little likeable (tbf on Tudors the main people who played a part in actual Tudor history were often executed or removed at some point).

On the subject of Charles Brandon they did get one thing right; he did marry one of Henry’s sisters, Mary Tudor. However in the series he married Margaret Tudor which made no sense at all! It appears to me that they merged the two sisters together and merge I mean they had the Mary Tudor history then gave them Margret’s name. In actual history Mary Tudor married the old sickly King of France and when he died she then married Charles Brandon. However in the tudors she marries the old sickly king of Portugal???? And because she doesn’t want to remain married to him kills him????? I know why they did this because they had already showed the king of France (Francis) who was young at Field of Cloth and Gold episode so it would make little to no sense to have her marry him. But that leads into my next complaint, the timeline.

Several things in this show don’t make sense with historical context because it’s all jumbled up. A couple of examples here are Henry Fitzroy, they killed him off when he was six in this, he died when he was 17 just before Edward was born. Along with that they also made claim that the Act of Succession (the act allowed Mary and Elizabeth to become Queens after Edward) was passed before Henry had married parr. The whole reason the Act of Succession ever came to be was because Parr had helped reconcile Henry and his two daughters and pushed for him to legitimise them and be added to the line of succession after their brother. Those are just a couple of examples that stood out to me when it came to the timeline.

Also the way they Jane portrayed as an innocent type and a ‘perfect’ woman was also painful. She acts all sweet to Elizabeth when the real Jane only payed attention to Mary and called Elizabeth the Bastard.

Now for my biggest complaint; the heinous misogyny in this thing. The way they treated the female character in this was (in my opinion) worst than actual Tudor history. Women in this show were constantly objectified and the amount of sex scenes in this thing is fucking painful! Did nobody have anything better to do!? In series one they took away Anne Boleyn’s agency and made her a complete puppet of her uncle and father. Anne was a very intelligent and charismatic woman and you don’t see this at all. To be fair on Natalie Dormer she fought with the writers for Anne to be more than sex object for series 2 because she had done her own research on her and fought for Anne. By Series 2 Anne got a bit more agency but they made her somewhat cruel and failed to really show her charisma. Now alone with Anne they were unspeakably cruel for what they did to Katherine Howard. They literally called her prostitute and even an episode synopsis they out right  call her prostitute. She was an abused child and they decided to do that. Along with that they also make it look like that her claim that Francis Dereham raped her was a lie and that she was only saying to save herself. It was truly disgusting. I do appreciate them trying to strongly tell the audience that Katherine was just a child (act all excitable, have dancing around the place) but the rest of her story was handled extremely poorly.

Catherine Parr is my next big complaint. They practically stripped her of everything that made interesting and took away all achievements while married to Henry. Ive already talked about the Act of Succession so I won’t go into that again. They only briefly show her being Queen Regent while Henry is away fighting in France (they were much more focused on Henry’s war), also when she discovers that there is an arrest warrant after her she sits in her room and cries for ages until Henry comes in asking what its wrong. They took away her going to him and winning back her life from him. When Henry does forgive her he is asked by one of his servants if they shoulda top the warrant but he tells them not to all because he wants to catch Gardiner out! What bullshit is that!? They took away Catherine’s indolence and replaced with Henry out smarting his evil bishop!? Henry was too fucking thick to do!

So overall I found this so frustrating to watch from costume and historical inaccuracies to the misogynistic choices to strip the few of the most important women in English history of their agency and independence. It wasn’t the worst thing in the world but still it was really annoying. My advice is for you to watch Game of Thrones instead because then you don’t have to complain about inaccuracies because it’s all fantasy and doesn’t claim to be a historical drama. (Also Natalie Dormer is also in this)

also if you want a good Tudor drama then watch wolf hall. Costumes are amazing and its very well done (only complaint Cromwell is painted too well in it)

(Also Elizabeth needed WAY more screen time)

[ferg0s]

Can I request a midorima nsfw scenario wherein he’s your boyfriend. So he’s tutoring you at the library but things get heated. Love your works btw! <3

umm yes.

You were good at math until you got to the part where the alphabet decided to collab with it. Algebra was something you struggled at and despite you trying your best you still ended up barely passing the class. Your teacher had noticed and had offered help - which made you realize that you weren't stupid, your teacher was horrible at teaching. You weren't going to have your entire average be brought down because of him so you turned to the one person you knew who could help...

Midorima was smart, which was more than enough of a reason to go to him for help, but he was also your boyfriend, so he had no chance but to help you. He was strict, you could barely squeeze in a joke or any other type of discussion when he was in teaching mode, but he was also very patient and gentle - he knew your learning style and paced his tutoring at that. He secretly liked it when you would come to him for help, big doe eyes looking up at him as you pleaded him to tutor you - he would pretend like he didn't care or wasn't interested just to see you fuss about it - and eventually, he would give in and tell you what time he was available.

You had the attention span of a child so Mirodima would always opt for the table in the most remote corner of the library; the one hidden away from sight from the many shelves. He needed you to focus - and he liked to stare at you while you worked in peace. Midorima was a stern man, stiff and hard as a rock, but he would loosen up around you - his muscles would relax, his jaw would unclench and a genuine smile would appear on his face - though you were too busy to see that. You acted dumb but he knew you were smart - like super smart - and seeing you at your full potential made him happy... and occasionally horny.

The sight of you with your hair up, uniform jacket off and sleeves rolled up as you quietly went about your work. But what got him the most was the look on your face; you had a weird quirk of having a bitch face when you were concentrating, eyes relaxed and sharp, face relaxed and your lips plumped out as you paid no mind to the world around you. It was so hot - to him - to see you focus like that. You would evolve from your goofy, clumsy self to a sophisticated lady for a brief moment - and Midorima ate it up. His favourite part was when he would clear his throat to get your attention, you'd look at him - face still relaxed - but your eyes would transform from their once sharp and detail-oriented nature to a more soft, innocent look. They would glisten like teh most expensive gem in the world as you waited for him to talk.

He really liked your eyes lol. They were his favourite feature about you.

Though you put in the effort, you never got it perfect, especially the work that he would give you. But unlike usual where he would get his red pen and circle the mistakes and make you redo them and explain what you did wrong - he did nothing. Mostly because he wasn't really reading what you had written on the page. He was too distracted by teh bulge growing in his pants. Midorima didn't have much of a libido, but he did have a habit of getting horny at the wrong time - like right now.

He tried to make sense of the letter-number cluster fuck on the page but they seemed to dance around on the page as he felt his pants get tighter and tighter. His focus was suddenly broken when teh smell of your perfume overloaded his nostrils. He felt your arms wrap around his neck from behind, his body grew stiff when he felt the soft touch of your boobs on his back.

"Soo," You chimed up.

"Urm - you did good," he struggled to find words to say as the scent of perfume took over his senses.

"No red pen this time!" You laughed as you placed your head on his shoulder. The little peck you gave him on his cheek was the breaking point. The sudden movements of him getting up pushed you off him, and before you could register what had just happened, you felt his lips on yours - his teeth against your lips and his tongue desperately trying to weasel its way in you - and you gave in to it without question. You knew about Midorimas habits - especially the sexual ones - and though you always wondered what would get him so riled up to do such risky things, you never questioned it.

You played along, and like always, your body moved in whichever direction he tugged or pushed you at. You found yourself on the desk you were once studying on, panties barely hanging off your uniform shoes as Midorima pushed your legs apart. He was tall, taller than you despite you sitting on the table, which caused you to look up at him, eyed coated with lust and unbeknownst to you, it was driving him crazy.

"Keep looking at me," He groaned as he pulled his pants down. You were too mesmerized by teh sight of your quiet, well-kept boyfriend in such a frenzy; pupils dilated, hair messy, breathing heavy and his once calculated moves now erratic and needy. You didn't look away, you kept eye contact throughout. You gasped when you felt him slide his length into you, not looking away, and unlike his usual pace he started off fast, needy almost. His dick brushed against your g-spot, paralyzing you from the pleasure, as he leaned down and kissed you. You wrapped your arms around his neck as you felt his hands grope your exposed thighs and ass.

The passion, the angle and most importantly - the risky nature of it all drove you over the edge. You felt your high build up inside you as Midoriams thrusts got sloppier - indicating that he was close too - "I'm gonna cum", you moaned as you broke the kiss. The harsh feeling of his thumb digging into your cheek caught you off guard. He grabbed your face and turned it up to look at him - "look at me while you cum," He said - you tried your best, you really did, but you couldn't help but close your eyes and throw your head back when you felt your orgasm wash over you. Your body went numb after, your head spinning, you weren't - mentally - in the same dimension as Mirdorima as he cursed under his breath while pushing his cum deep inside you.

You looked up at him, dazed and still high off the sudden buzz of dopamine, not registering the way his breath caught in his throat as he looked down at you - you looked so pretty to him as you looked up at him - nor did you feel his dick get hard again as his tip kissed the entrance of your uterus.

____________________

'can you tutor me'-ing your way into a relationship >>>>

[capricxs]

✿ i’ll regret saying this, but make it rain with pain!

✿: your muse asks my muse to dance with them or vice versa

“let’s dance.” he slurs a bit, giving her a smirk.

“what?” she laughs. “are you serious, johnson?” shaking her head, she looks around. “i’m not dancing with you.”

“what? you not good at dancing?” he crosses his arms over his chest, still holding onto his beer. if it weren’t for the alcohol, and the fact that his college girlfriend wanted to go clubbing every weekend, he wouldn’t be so confident to ask. so here they were.

she was good at dragging him out to party, so why hadn’t she anticipated him possibly getting drunk and some sort of fuckery happening. like lennon drunkenly asking her to dance. whatever that meant. 

it was a clustered party in some house and the music wasn’t particularly club music. it was slow, but it had a heavy sensual beat that he wanted to move himself to. if he got anything out of that girlfriend, was the appreciated and enjoyment of dancing. though he tended to keep that to himself.

“lennon, there’s no one dancing.” she looks around, shaking her head.

“so you’re concerned what other people think now?” he leans back, mocking shock. “dot you are so sensitive when you’re drunk.” he grins, taking a sip of his beer.

“am fucking not.” she hisses bitterly, sipping her drink.

he just looks at her with a sly grin, going back to look around them, then down of the halls of house. “fine.” he shrugs, unwinding his arms to use his free hand to grab her wrist, pulling her from the living room and the patches of people until they get to the kitchen. he could still hear the music coming from the other room, a bit muffled now. if people really wanted to look, they could. but for the most part, they were by themselves. 

he set his beer on the counter, taking her drink, too. “i don’t know how you punks dance.” he says simply, reaching for her belt loop with his further arm. spinning her around, he pulls her closer to press fully against him. his hands playing on the curve of her hips. “have you ever danced with anyone before?”

“of course i have.” she grumbles. but he’s moving his hands, guiding her hips to move with his. he’s just humming, his mouth right next to her. it didn’t matter if she had or not, she’s never danced with him, before. in his drunken mind, the only kind of dancing he can seem to picture her doing is moshing.that’s the furthest thing he’s trying to do now.

their hips slide to the beat and he can feel the curve of her ass against him. he shivers for just a second but she starts to get into the rhythm herself, moving in her own way, pressing and sliding, swerving her body in a way he didn’t think she would, or could. maybe she had danced like this before. 

his hands start to slide up from her hips, following her waist until he reaches for her arms, lifting them up and running his fingers along the sensitive flesh. she catches on, raising her hands in the air, which reach behind herself to tangle in his hair. his hands find her hips again, his hands find her hips again, eyes falling shut as he gets into the low-fi music, nudging his nose into her neck. her own head tipping back for him.

most time he’d bumped-and-grind to club bangers, getting sweaty nd drunk, kissing between songs and getting hard the second your hands land on his girl’s tits. this time, he felt everything. each second felt like a million breaths and the music was swimming in his body. and god her ass felt good. she moved well too. his thumbs slide under her shirt and pressed into her skin. rubbing her skin gently, he keeps it with the time of her hips.

she’s letting her nails scrape against his sclap, her hips starting to twist up and down in her movements, adding more pressure every other twist. he lets out a hard exhale, grabbing tighter onto her hips. for a second, his lips graze the skin of her neck, his nose become encapsulated in the sandlewood and cigarettes of her hair. 

he already feels himself aroused, and she probably could too. he wasn’t even nervous about it. she felt so good, and she was doing it on her own accord. but it drove him crazy. he wanted to taste her skin. feel her body against his for hours. reach other other places of her body where hopefully he could have the same effect. he wondered what her heavy breath sounded like.

so his hands slide forward. one pressed against the flat of her stomach, pressing her into his body even more, pressure against his crotch as she moves. the other sliding up, reaching the curve of her breast. he pressed his parted lips against her neck again, breathing against her as he heard her let out her own. 

“you guys having fun?” there’s a voice that comes into the kitchen, and lennon slides out of his own personal world. dot does the same. teh two of them previous one body, now back to being two. lennon still keeps his body a bit behind her’s and she reaches for the back of his neck, clearing this throat.

“lots of fun, kyle. not fuck off.” dot hisses him, watching him go to the fridge for another beer. “out, you bitch!” she kicks him in the ass, making him quietly yelp as he moves.

“fine! go back to dry fucking in the kitchen, i don’t care.” he finally says before he leaves the two of them by themselves, the air suddenly stiff.

“i’m going outside for a smoke.” she says, and he knows that’s not an invitation for him to come with. all the drunken confidence goes down the drain and now he wants to hide in a hole. 

certainly is one way to kill a boner.

[stoprobbers]

tagged by @rhoeysama​ and I haven’t done one of these in forever so why not

last (1-5) drink - hakushu japanese whiskey

phone call - my dad, to wish him happy birthday.

text msg - “this is fucking insane. i will treasure it forever. jesus.”

song you listened to - “Do I Have To Talk You Into It” by Spoon

time you cried - in december, for reasons i don’t want to talk about.

ever..? (6-11) dated someone twice - yes. too many times.

ever kissed someone and regretted it - yes

been cheated on - no

lost some1 special - yes

been depressed - yes

gotten drunk/thrown up - i assume these go together? yeah, i call it my mid-20s.  fav colors (12-14) black, grey, that black-green-blue of the deepest ocean 2/3 of the way down 

in the last yr have you.. (15-21) made new friends/ mutuals - yes to both, i think. it’s nice to be back on tumblr. 

fallen out of love - yes

laughed until you cried - oh yes. yes yes 

found out some1 was talking about you - i don’t know if this means the same thing anymore now that i’m in my 30s. 

met some1 who changed you - oh yes 

kissed some1 on your FB friends’ list - again, this really occupies a different life space when you’re 33. 

general (22-51) how many of your FB friends do you know irl - all of them. 

you have any pets - no

do you want to change your name - no

what did you do for your prev. birthday - my friends and i went out to a bar that another friend manages then hung out after it closed until 4 in the morning. they lit some sort of grain alcohol (the bar is also a brewery/distillery) on fire at midnight and sang happy birthday to me and i felt special and incredibly loved. 

what time did you wake up today - 4:30 a.m. at first and then 10:50 a.m. for good.

what were you doing @ midnight last night - writing

what is something you can’t wait for - the weather to change

what’re you listening to atm - the television

have you ever talked to a person named Tom - i have several friends named tom, and is this a myspace joke? 

something that’s getting on your nerves - jetlag, work, trump, life

most visited site - probably jezebel or ao3 or facebook, but i also kinda don’t want to know. maybe my gmail?

hair color - naturally, dark blonde. voluntarily, red.

long/ short hair - short. i’m the original bob and bangs girl.

do you have a crush on some1 - no but there’s a few boys i’d like to keep in my kissing rotation.

what do you like abt yourself - a lot. i’m smart, i’m strong, i’m funny, i’m cool, i can shoot whiskey and sing karaoke and throw a dinner party. i’m a person, and i like the person i am.

want any piercings - have five in my ears, got rid of the bellybutton ring, not going for any more.

blood type - you know what? i have no fucking clue.

nicknames - if you know them, you know them. 

relationship status - single

zodiac - capricorn

pronoun(s) - she/her

fav tv/ on-air shows - buffy, fringe, x-files, the good place, bob’s burgers, stranger things, freaks and geeks, parks and rec, lost, adventure time, this list could literally go on for days if i wanted it to. 

tattoos? - 9 and counting. (one of my friends insist i have over 30, but that’s just because my 9th is a large cluster of constellations on my side. they count as one.)

rightie or leftie - right

ever had surgery - i’ve had bones set and my adenoids (nose tonsils) removed. nothing major. 

piercings - like i said, five in my ears. former bellybutton piercing. turns out you do grow out of that one. 

sports - i like the weird ones from the olympics best. also gymnastics, basebally, basketball, tennis. this is only for watching - i don’t play teh sportz.

vacation - after two years in a row of japan, i think next on the list is oaxaca. tacos and mezcal, please.

trainers - white converse high tops, grey converse low tops. more general (52-58) eating - i don’t understand this question. everything?? the last thing i ate was cheese toast. i always want to be eating potatoes? 

drinking - again, ls this a wishlist or an accounting? wine, whiskey, coffee, mezcal, fresh pressed juice, seltzer water. 

i’m about to watch - bob’s burgers

waiting for - february

want - love, peace, to sleep normal hours again

get married - when it’s right

career - i actually did the thing i wanted to do, so i feel good about it

which is better (59-65) hugs/kisses - kisses

lips/eyes - eyes

shorter/taller - taller

older/younger - around my age +/- 4 years

nice arms/ stomach - fuck that’s hard, but arms?

hookup/relationship - they each serve a different purpose

troublemaker/hesitant - troublemaker, but i’m real good at not getting caught  have you ever (66-75) kissed a stranger - yep. plural.

drank hard liquor - yep. often.

lost glasses - yes, and i’ve also lost every pair of sunglasses i’ve ever owned. 

turned someone down - yep

sex on 1st date - yep.

broken a heart - yep.

had your heart broken - YEP.

been arrested - yep.

cried when some1 died - yep.

fallen for a friend - sigh. yep. 

do you believe in.. (76-81) yourself - yes.

miracles - no. but i believe serendipity is often awesome, in the biblical sense of the word.

love @ first sight - yes.

santa clause - i’m jewish so, like, i have literally always known this is marketing.

kiss on a 1st date - hell yeah.

angels - nope.

other (82-85) best friend’s name - nope. 

eye color - green

fav movie - Yellow Submarine

fav actor - it’d take me all night to write them out 

[mimicsecretdiary]

Star Wars oneshot

[beware: long post ahead] Introduction

The Galaxy,for the first time,seems to be at peace: the Republic and Empire have reached a stall and acceptable agreements and both of them are not pinching and nabbing at each other too much. This is also thanks to the just-ended great war, lasting the incredible short period of 5 years, which had ended with a large-scale schism of the Sith order that destabilized the Empire. There are those who say the Sith "rebels" were supported by the Republic, some say they were headed by a Sith lord with powers comparable or even higher than the Emperor himself. The fact is that now the intergalactic forces are more or less in peace. [Characters introductions here]

The scene opens with a Chiss pilot in space. Janos has just finished one of his regular smuggling jobs and he's relaxing while the most recent member of his "one man crew" is being the paranoid of the bunch and he's checking the ship for any evidence or problems that might have happened during the mission. They receive a call on holo from a "private number" basically, and Janos, before letting his "co-pilot" paranoid human hacker answer, checks from where it arrives. It's from Korriban. "AH. EXCELLENT". They are a bit on the defensive but Jaydkan,the hacker knowns as "cresto", or hacker, or paranoid, or simply J says that "curiosity makes him curious" (he's a hacker, not a poet) and they respond. It is a rattataki that calls Janos by name (OK) and tells him that it is the apprentice of his "employer" (GREAT) and that has a job for him, perhaps the last "mandatory" one (actual good), and she basically wants me to pick up two Night Sisters( G L O R I U O S) and a couple of jedi ( SPEC TA CU LAR) to help her Master in a thing. "ah ok, so now I'm taxi service". Of course I accept, I do not have the right to refuse, and I head to the coordinates. The scene moves to the Night Sisters, who are briefly informed about the matter by teh same rattataki woman, even if they already knew what they had to do and they get informed about who and where and when they will be taken to do such work. Madea and Winter are of few words and many facts so when the "taxi" arrives, they introduce themselves - more or less- and they go quietly in their ""lodgings"" on the ship to meditate. New change of scene and we are on Typhon, known planet of jedi temples. Three jedi are digging and working in an archeologic site when one of the three, Sa'Vin, recieves an holo call. From a "private number" She moves away from the tent and answers, finding the same rattataki as before. But she knows her by name ("Tiraka"), and knows who she is and who her Master is, as she had had "dealings" with him in the past. There is a strenuous conversation where Tiraka asks for support from Sa'Vin, and she deduces that it must be a great deal if it is her and not her Master who calls for help. The sith apprentice confirms the situation it's as such. With a sigh, Sa'vin accepts the caller's request for help and closes the call, speaking soon after privately with her padawan Milisendis asking if she would feel comfortable doing a "special" mission. The Miraluka girl seems to be interested academically speaking and, when asked, the other Jedi, a Givin called Iad-aan, appears to be interested as well (there is a samll player-death here bcs the charcter vocie od Iad-aan made me die laughing.). Iad-Aan asks if it is an illegal thing, and when it is confirmed that it is not "technically" he lightly accepts. Sa'vin drives in speeder the two colleagues / companions to the place of randevouz for Tiraka had confirmed that she had already arranged somebody to come and get them near the place of need. The three await the ship in a open grassfield and when the said transport arrives after a a couple of hours, Iad-Aan uses the Force to "see" who is inside and percieves clearly two strong sources of Force not fully trained on but mostly Dark Ways. On the other hand, the Night Sisters perceive themselves to be observed. Landing, Janos comes down from the ship to check his "cargo" and remaining pleasantly surprised by (re)Seeing Sa'vin, cordially greeting Millisendis and remaining a little shocked by the welcoming of the Givin, makes them jump on board, urgently asking not to provoke quarrels with the other two young ladies in the ship. There is a brief chat between Janos and Sa'vin, where she asks him to use the name with which she presented herself and where she whispers that she would like to know where he had met this current employer of his (The sith master she also knows). "I could ask you the same question, Counsellor Sa'vin" "it is not obvious that i will not answer". On the ship they all meet up with a young blue twi'lek and a jawa, who is promptly threatened by Janos who warns the small alien that he is "keeping an eye on him (Zili.. Don't let it touch my droid)". It's obvious that this kind of conversation is now routine on the ship. [Sa'vins player was feeling ill so she left after this point] Before taking off, on the datapad that gave Janos the coordinates for the variosu landings a message compose itself and it suggests to ask the Nighsisters to explain the problem to the new arrivals of the ship. Janos hurriedly gets up (complaining that it could have wrote the message in the 5 seconds before i had sat down on the pilot seat) and he goes, but before he could hear the Night sisters' negative answer, he's already gone. The journey starts... without any of the main groups exchanging covnersations. We arrive at the coordinates set: a moon that looks more like a cemetery of buildings than an inhabited place, with several craters created or from large battles or frequent meteorites. When the ship docks, the landing pod blocks my supports and I find myself very frustrated at the idea of ​​not being able to just get the fuck out. The jedis and the non-Force-users get off board looking at a pyramid liek tomb, stil lwondering what we are doing there since miss onehanded -shotgun-loading-sound Madea has not told us anything about the job yet. Looking around the landing pod we see the door of a pyramidal tomb that is closed by two statues with hands and arms joined. The scavengers notice also some computers with soem data running on the screens and the hacker + twi'lek are observing with great interests the tech there: it's an automatic station for archaeological finds' analysis. J downloads a bit of the just finished analysis on the device and Yewzili pockets some various paddles. I'm like "kid don't do it" and she "it's to repay you: 3" "if you want to repay me by sicking 45 angry Siths because I stole their precious antique night vases, i'll gladly skip that" "they will never notice." While the three smuggler-type pirate things, the jedis use the Force to open the doors, after Madea said, very caustic, that their employer is literally just locked inside (janos: "AH he called us because he got stuck a tomb, this is AMAZING"). The jedi open the door of 50cm and let pass the two Night sisters in front of line, then they go in and finally the mere blaster-holders go at the rear. As soon as we get all inside, Iad-aan uses the Force again to perceive dangerous creatures and finds two or three BIG clustersof negative energy plus a more powerful one of inestimable suffering in the depths of the tomb. We assume that's out quarry. Trying to avoid the clusters of life forms perceived by the mathematical jedi, we start our descent. At the first junction we are attacked by a Kath who is severely mistreated by the force-users (Medea jumps behind him using the wall as a lever hitting his back, ian-aad splats it on the ceiling, Zili electifies it with the vibrosword and finally Medea eviscerates it while iad -aan overkills it with a Force-beheading. Janos kinda just puts away the blaster shrughing). A little further on we find another forkin the road, with both ends going downhill, and an obelisk at the center of a small opening in the cave. The jedi interact with it- in whisper - while Janos  -"feeling lucky" in whisper - gets a very bad feeling from the way on the right. Iad-aan says that the obelisk has "spoken to him" and that we must continue in the way right but "without touching the dead" - something along these lines. There is a brief pseudo-philosophical discussion between iad and medea where medea does not seem particularly inclined to speak, while janos and zili are having an heated covnersation about some potential good stored in Janos' ship that zili may or may not have"resold" or used (spoielr: it was spice. (context: spice in sw its drug basically)). In the fustration, Janos does not realize that he is walking right in the direction of the bad feeling. We arrive in a room full of stacks of skeletons and Iad-Aan assumes these are the dead not to be touched, so with nonchalance levitates wit hthe Force across the room (he's usign a lot of Force powers, he should be more careful). Madea comments caustically that "some" people REALLY like to show "how many things they can do"; the Night Sisters make show of their great agility and the others (Milisendis Zili, and J) simply walk - janos needs a few seconds before deciding to cross the room .  The "bad feeling" really gets to him- [J's player is prone to be very sleepy so he left as well at this poing] Just as we are getting out the blasted room, 6 huge and disgusting humanoids, Rakghouls, jump on us and we start a fight. Janos  -last in the line so first to be attacked- slips his entire arm into the mouth of one of these monsters as it growls and he like unloads his blaster charge in the skull of the disgusting thing, causing it to burst from within. The creature falls to the ground coem a fish without bones, ("Ah ... he bit me ç_c ...") biting janos' arm on the way down; Iad-aan unleashes his levitate to lift himself up into the cavernous room and not get caught by two of them; medea uses, according to old tactics already tried, Winter as jumping pad and twirling in the air with feline grace and shoots in the head to another of the creatures with the blaster incorporated in her mechanical arm; zili jumps back while the attack of the jedi padawan Milisendis doesn't go as good as she would have wanted. In the second round with a bit of Force pushes and blaster shots an classical Force-beheadings, we take the rest out. Medea snaps a bit of acid words to Zili ("Cowardice will not keep you alive") and we contine along the path down (zili is quite offended: "it actually works pretty good to me"). Around the corner we hear heavy steps and Mili, Yewzilin and Janos peek the corridor while Iad-Aan perceives it with Force: it is a fairly large creature known to feed on the Force + force users altogether. Janos comments that "hey, at least three of us are safe!" readily correct that they are nonetheless creatures carinvore and the Force flows in all of us. yadda yadda jedi shit. Janos promptly takes zili for an arm and literally sprints silently across the corridor to where the creature is eating some corpse or carcass. Zili does not make a sound but Janos almost slips and schatters a bone by mistake. Luckly the creature does not seem to care too much. ("DAMN IT YOU OLD MAN" Zili whispers angrly. "Ehy watch your mouth kid, the thing didn' saw us anway!!") Janos was "arguing" with Zili to use the Jawa as a distraction while Milsendis and Medea convinced Iad-aan that usinf the Force -again- to move soem rock in a far away corridoir would have not distracted the creature because it would have felt the source of the Force-usage. Some more or less sucessful sneaking made us avoid the creature complitely. We find now in front of a dor not much different from the one we met earlier and Medea with Winter brute-forcibly try to push it open (Medea: "will you others help us or not?". Janos and zili, together:"no no i think i'l lstay here watchign you two." zili:"I could watch them all day * eyes emoji *") while the jedi reuse the Push to Force it open. The initially percieved source of pain becomes it stronger once we enter the next room. [And hereby we ended the oneshot]

[warmonklibra]

Another Dream Dump will be underneath the cut!

((This first one is from like months before the ones after it) In it I was with the G.rumps for a livestream, as were a bunch of people, but like. The people eventually weeded out and I was the Main Guest kinda nd it was really cool to mess around with them in a room, and it was a hotel room, I think? So it was extra fun. M.arkiplier was there, and so, as the night goes on and the livestream thing ends everyone kinda disperses and I kinda walk around a bit into different rooms. In one room there's Mark, Ross, and I think someone else but idr who. 

Mark situated his bed for a dog bed on the floor with a blanket and pillow and he's happily curled up in it and is like. Half awake. Ross is really energetic and keeps talking about things and gesturing a lot. I can't fULLY remember what he did but he was just really. Happy to talk to me, I guess? Dream Me kept picking up potential Romantic vibes from Mark and Ross, which was a bit odd but they were really chill. 

At one point I'm leaving a room to go see Arin and talk to him, as I don't want to neglect him, and he's off doing something, and so Danny's there and he's just. Generally being himself, and I have to leave soon I guess? So I go to do that and and he like. Insists that we hug so we do that and it's nice, and I go to talk to Mark and ross, except Ross is flat out gone and Mark's like. Fallen asleep in his dog bed (it looked more like a really big, comfortable plaid blanket tbh) And so I go out of there and Danny like. Gives me another hug before I go and this one is stronger and lasts a bit longer and was really nice.

In one of them I was with the FF4 crew and we were on this space station? And naturally it was in trouble, but we couldn't find Kain, so I was sent to search for Kain. I did eventually find him, but he was like. Talking about how Cecil was the bad guy or s/t I can't quite remember. We soon rejoined the others, and Dr. Phil appears amongst the wreckages of the ships interior, talking about how he could rebuild it and basically rule, to which Cecil and Kain (and I, but Cecil was really condescending in telling me to step down?? He insulted my spear, which I literally picked up off the ground for this) and so I angrily did and they like. Put Kain's spear near his ear, and at this I turned around cause it was obvious what they were gonna do and I didn't want to be traumatized. There was also this parade thing of all the FF heroes, and of course most of them weren't the actual heroes, but I did join Rosa for the FF4 section and we both got emotional over two characters in FF3 getting together so we were just fucking sobbing together as we walked around (this was before dr. Phil) I think Kain was like. Evil when I was trying to find him? But I didn't feel threatened by him???

I was on my couch, and so was my sister, and so was Liquid??? And he wanted to lie on his stomach, but we were all kind of laying in a cluster so it was hard to move, so I ended up with something unfortunate being above me, and he like made a comment about it or a face or something, so I got mad and either shoved or punched him in a certain area or right above it, which got a reaction. He did eventually manage to turn over, as I remember at one point I was propping myself up by my arm on his back and watching TV.  There was more to the dream, like at one point I was in a supermarket and more focused on someone's cat than anything else, but I can't really remember it too much? He was at least in Regular Liquid Attire. (((Tbh me propping myself on his back was probably some kind of retaliation, cause I have really bony elbows. Everywhere else on me is nice and soft but my elbows? Solid bone)))

Last night I had a nightmare where my dream self was trying to sleep, but htere was like. A Creepy Hand that cam eout of the covers???? And I was like. Almost paralyzed by it and some Shadow Hands. I only woke up because I was so concerned about it in the dream. Seeing as how it took me so long to physically move in teh dream, I was like thinking about sleep paralysis, but my dream self's first response was "DEMONS, MOM"

[bma-2020]

I’m finally home but I also am continuing to be broken so i’m gonna try to q stuff n hope for the best I guess