#whatever. im over it.
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“he was mentally ill. this monster was a- was a sick fantasy. a product of his dementia.”
“…i saw it too. does that make me disturbed? demented? does… that make me sick too?”
#txf#the x files#dana scully#fox mulder#folie a deux#this episode … this EPISODE!!!!!!#genuinely so indicative of how much they trust each other….#between mulder just . having to rely on scully for the last part of the ep#scully thinking he’s off his fucking rocker and still looking into what he asks her to look into bc she TRUSTS him . bc she LOVES him !!!!#and maybe he’s a little nuts but goddamnit she will at least check it out !! just in case he’s right!!!#AND she lies for him all the time . i mean she always does this whenever he decides to go nuts But specifically in this ep…#looks skinner in the eye and goes . yea man im totally fully with mulder on this . and he’s definitely not being weird and i definitely kno#what’s going on with him#she lies for mulder all the time its soooo…#anyways . drawing wise this drove me nuts i hate drawing mulder . he’s so hard for me to draw#they’re kinda kirie and shuichi coded in the bottom part but . well . why not . might as well be#ALSOOO i chose that quote for the bottom bc . well . does she think he’s crazy? like actually for real?#i feel like every time scully talks about mulder (up to season five at least as thats where im at) its contained in some way?#in her reports . to family . to skinner . to mulder !#i think the only time she’s Really honest is in the confessional but even then…#bc its not like she’s against speaking her mind . i mean generally and situational but for ppl she’s close to she usually isnt#but when it comes to mulder it always feels contained and like she’s making excuses for him (he is always her exception .#llike whenevrr he gets some disease or affliction or whatever she ALWAYS jumps to going ‘but well… sometimes there’s this excuse’ and she#does this w a lot considering shes science focused but w mulder shes always like . well he ISNT crazy because uhhhh .#this hyperspecific scenario that is in no fuckin way the case)#but does she think he’s crazy? does HE think she thinks he’s crazy?#is he asking about this specific case or is he asking in general? over the entirety of the show?#its been five years scully. is he crazy? sick? demented?#has this all been a sick fantasy fueled by mental illness? youre the doctor scully . surely you have the answer?#anyways i dont think she knows . and if that is the case — what does that mean for her?
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doodles and stuff. struggled with painting until i gave up
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#lobotomy corp spoilers#i GUESS? carmen and ayins face is a whole thing and stuff.#oh wait hello silly first life stuff. yeah that counts. tee hee?#angela and benjamin are technically there but theyre kinda small compaired to the rest of the drawings in inclusion so im not sure..#ill do angela since she isnt covered#angela lobcorp#carmen lobcorp#ayin lobcorp#netzach lobcorp#it mustve been so prominent. the feelings of affection. those memories of ayin smiling so gently and warmly to her. to Carmen. than angela.#for it to be the very first thing brought up. the very first thing to actually recall from the copy of Her brain. a warmth she would never#be able to see upon that face. a warmth she knows and can recall but never for Her. a man who adored carmen to have such a face shown to he#that now cannot even bare to look at what isnt her what could never be her yet depending on a creation he loathes#for its similarities. for being close to him. for not Being Carmen enough. for being a bastardization of what once was. holding#justifications and trying to convince the self in order to continue forward. its just a machine. a machine must behave as a machine#how miserable. how trapping. how stuck and desperate. ever inflicting cycle of pain. anyways PLATONIC GIOCARMEN!! 🔥🔥#i canot speak upon ayin for there isnt enough room. GIOVANNI!! wanted to draw some interactions w them.#there was a scrapped doodle of carmen talking abt pain levels for beaking bones with a smile on her face while pointing to his body#bc day 48 and decidedly factually stating things with a smile as if it wasnt even personal. even if it is distressing#women in stem 🔥 have her bring over diagrams for him to have as reference. gio helping skim and find pages for specific quotes or a section#to bookmark. just happy at her glee and determination. carmen is holding up a clipboard w a diagram from the red book by carl jung but its#really small and hard to tell what it is. tee hee. there is more rambles but nay. i shant. twas for fun in between stuff#ever constant fear of misconstrued words. prithee. accept my offerings.....#spoke abt them before. i think? so content inside her warmth and joy. alive at her pride. feeling a part of him ripped away at her listless#expression. erased vanished faded from the world back to the murky color of gray further when she left the world. its so. ahngbh.#ill make a rb after this comes out and i wake up on the side blog nieranddear of just more rambles on it all that couldnt fit here#lor spoilers#... maybe. maybe on the rambles. if i dont get embarrassed and dip out of fear. whatever. go my queued post
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why are some autistic ppl like "dont worry Normal peers, just because im autistic doesnt mean i cant climb the social hierarchy and punch down at those below me" whats your problem
#99.txt#and why are there ppl like this on tumblr of all places....#''im not like them im promise im not weird or nerdy'' whatever. why are you mean#''autism is no excuse to say things out of turn and be annoying'' SHUT UPPP those are your siblings !!!!!!#i will take 1000 people talking for a little too long over 1 person judging them for it#i got enough of this shit from all the normal people#cringe isnt dead but i WISH IT WAS
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i yet again do NOT understand why people think that what happened to steven in future came out of nowhere. the main show beats it into the ground how fucked up all this stuff has him! just cause he ends the main show in a good place doesnt mean that everything was solved! he solved the gem stuff but not himself, that was the whole point!
like. those people show that they didnt even pay attention to the show AND they dont understand trauma. like. shut the fuck up !!!!
#my post#su#liveblogging#how do you fucking miss the whole EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED IN THE MAIN SHOW#no child or teenager should go through that!! no one should tbf but especially them#like ok fine. other shows do this stuff all the time and theres no consequences. but su was never the show to do that lol#i know im bringing up discourse from years ago but the thing is is that people STILL hold these opinions!#like. bro athena p on youtube has THE MOST JANK su opinions. she doesnt like pearl or future ? hello?#like ok whatever you dont have to like something but then she starts going into *why* and its like. bro stop talking no#yet again its just like people that say that cassandras betrayal came out of nowhere. NO IT DIDNT FUCK OFF#im so mad dude its so easy to understand this stuff for me#also trauma can absolutely wait to manifest or show its ugly head#he showed concerning behaviors in the main show but. aughhhh whateverrr whatever whatever whatever#its also that he was finally in a good calm place in future and when youre in a calm place your trauma brain goes THIS ISNT RIGHT#it gets so used to the stressful situations you were in that itll still think things are wrong even when nothing is#because it cant risk bringing its guard down in case stuff happens all over again#or some shit like that. fuck#and steven? babey hes been in stressful situations for a long time#ew why does this post have notes lol i thought itd get like 5 notes. im not opening the notes thing lmaoo fuck that
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Chimney Begins
Just tryna keep the love alive in my little corner of the internet, so I think im gonna do some more paintings of the team being silly and happy and alive
#chimney han#howard han#911#911 tv show#911 fanart#little guy i painted today#this is like. slightly longer than my palm btw so forgive the lack of details but hes rlly tiny#anyway this is my contribution to combatting negativity#NOT that i think the negativity is unwarranted but also i am sad all the fucking time so im gonna make things that make me smile#fanart#my art#watercolours#traditional art#next up... evan buckley....#like truly i dont wanna lose this fandom or this show#before its over#bc it meant and still means the world to me#and just bc some fuckwad exec made a decision#well? ive elected to ignore that decision and like. the show isnt real. so i can do whatever i want with these guys in my head forever
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#happy edgeworth day or whatever#my copy isnt here so i made this out of spite#andromedas poll hell#phoenix wright#ace attorney#beanix#apollo justice#trans phoenix wright#if i could've found a way to sneak Karuma in there I would've but i dont think it would fit#i made a typo but since its a poll i cant fix it and im going to blame desktop tumblr instead of making the whole poll over again
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learning abt friendship decay and "not reaching out to your friends for months at a time unprompted is not neurotypical behaviour" has me feeling a certain way
#experiencing some BIG FEELINGS OVER THIS REVELATION#listen i have never ever been bothered abt not seeing someone in a while or making time to talk to them bc in my mind its like not thst muc#time has passed. i mean it with every fibre of my being that when im like 'oh its ok even though we havent talked in a while and have our#own things going on it doesnt mean we're not friends anymore since we left things on a good note 8 months ago' i sincerely believe that#and for the longest time i just thought everybody makes peace with it at some point and not automatically assuming the other person doesnt#wanna talk to me anymore or smth. my longest lasting friendships are with ppl who work the same way i just thouhght that was normal#whatever organ everybody has that makes them reach out to their friends and plan hang outs i probably dont have it#i was already hesitant to ask out Alex bc i spend almost every waking hour doing smth that isnt talking to ppl unless they happen to be in#the vicinity. and at first it was bc i planned on making sure i had everything set up so i dont get stressed out and do it one at a time#but then i find out theres a friendship decay mechanic? and after dating and marrying someone you lose -10 friendship points for every#day u dont talk to them?? actually ive probably been losing friendship points this whole time without knowing bc of this?????#and i notice a lot of my own habits are also reflected in how i play bc ive been avoiding getting close to pierre and marnie since its more#of a professional relationship. like i know theyre npcs but im approaching it the way i would in real life its fucking nuts#i think its a little relieving im playing /as/ a character than myself bc as im playing im just making up little interactions in my head#than approaching things the way i would myself so it takes a bit of the stress off trying to put myself in there as a spectator. but well#being in a relationship demands a certain amount of energy even more so when theyre things that already take up energy on its own#like making time to talk to your partner and make sure they know theyre loved. i dont always have energy to put all my mental focus into it#and this is true for real life so im not really bothered by not dating anyone. but when its a game and i want my character to be with someo#and i know its fully optional and i know i could just apply the same logic to this i dont /want/ to. sometimes i want to experience#the same things other people do at least to a certain degree without the same emotional andmental stakes#no offense krobus#yapping#stardew#stardew valley#puppy plays sdv#sdv#this game has me by the ankles man
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Thinking about how my Courier Six and Benny really are just Bastard4Bastard
They both cheat whenever they play cards, Six goes out of their way to mess with Benny's hair whenever possible, Benny purposely walking just ever so slightly slower than he normally would, causing Six to slow down and causing them to be ever so slightly late to various things. Six stealing Benny's suit jacket and Benny stealing Six's duster.
Meanwhile Yes Man is in his last nerve trying to get these assholes to just do their jobs as co-rulers of the Mojave.
#oc x cannon#oc x canon#benny x courier#benny gecko#benny fnv#they're also are quite cutsey tho#as a treat#Six has some pretty shitty insomnia#so some nights in the lucky 38 Benny will wake up to Six not beside him in bed#and he'll find them out in the kitchen embroidering their duster#(i wanted to give my courier a nice hobby#and embroidery is cool)#and just sit with them in calm silence or while Six tells him about whatever's keeping him up this time#either until the sun comes up or Six is relaxed enough to try and sleep through the rest if the night#meanwhile Benny has the fun stress habit of chain-smoking while pacing the floor#Six (who not only cares about Benny but also hates the presidential suite smelling quite that strongly of smoke)#has figured out over time that Benny is a big fan of physical contact (the whole “hold me baby” thing from Black Widow)#and it usually helps quite a bit#oh god im sorry for rambling lol#they take up a lot of my mind#i should come up with a proper name for my Courier Six eventually#they're transmasc so it would be an interesting story thing as well-#like they start off calling themselves Six before choosing a name for themselves that isnt related to their role as Courier Six?#idk#sorry for the ramble but i suppose thats what tags are for yea?
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sometimes i wish i was one of those artist that make people go "this is a PAINTING???" or "with WHAT programm/medium???" but its just not what i can do or find fun :/
#ganondoodles talks#personal#not really for the attention thing but more for .. work being recognized?#im not sure#to feel more like people actually stop and look at sth instead of skipping over it?#maybe its jsut an internet phenomena(?)#like the way everything is just consumed within seconds and never lasts long and if you miss the trend you are irrelevant#the sort of weird pressure to have to subvert expectations or be exceptionally exceptional just to be recognized ?#(which i know isnt always a good thing lol)#also this isnt a complaint per se more like a thought#like i sometimes wish i was into the popular characters instead of the niche ones etc#that kind of thing#also like i wish i could make art that really speaks to people .. like those that are just so .. interesting and strange and poetic#bc (while i know fanart and silly oc projects arent worhtless) those feel more worthwhile? more worth really being called art?#for soemthing to be truly art it should be either exceptionally skilled or profound like the greatest poets?#im just doing whatever my brain allows me to do- which i know is fine#but i also dont think its inherently wrong to wish for being more than that sometimes#(... maybe its mostly just loneliness without knowing how to find friends)#(especially where i am and especially as i just want a friend to live with - not a partner... i dont want to be this alone forever ...)#(actually ....... what if all my art self consciousness comes from wanting to feel less lonely .. oh dear- no time to unpack that omg)
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hi im 23 and i reread homestuck before the site IMPLODED (allegedly it is being fixed) last oct-november-december (2024). that comic is so horrifically intrinsically linked with my fucked up nostalgia for growing up because i read it from like grade 6 to 9 (a horrible time to be alive in general) when it ended and was an active part of the fandom on this tumblr dot com and i has a great time and anyway life is objectively better now but i am HAUNTED by this comic i love it so much but i dont care about the meat or candy or epilogues or yiffy of whatever the hell and i have so much emotion for this thing but what do i do with it
#homestuck#it feels like growing up Happened and now its over and im like wait. oh shit its gone#but thats stupid#idk feeling weird things#homestuck fandom#feel free to reblog this n interact i came back to tumblr to Make Friends or whatever#jade harley#dirk strider#john egbert#june egbert#cosplay#homestuck cosplay#this really isnt for cosplay these r actually comfy shirts i wear around the house lol#but i did make them
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Learn from who? Learn from you? You are still a brat. What do you know? You're only three years older. Like you are any better than me. You're 21, and still a virgin. What are you proud of? I think you can't do it.
KISEKI: DEAR TO ME Ep. 06
#kiseki: dear to me#kisekiedit#kdtm#kiseki dear to me#ai di x chen yi#chen yi x ai di#nat chen#chen bowen#louis chiang#chiang tien#jiang dian#userspring#uservid#userspicy#userrain#pdribs#userjjessi#*cajedit#*gif#*gestures at the caption* this is honestly the funniest argument they could possibly have idfk what to tell you. it's very ai di#meanwhile whatever's going through chen yi's head rn has recently been doused with 'the boss doesnt care abt me like that'#after watching cdy and zml at dinner. like chen yi already knows *before* ep9 & ai dis confession that cdy will never look at him#(the diff. between this scene & ep9's. is him failing in regards to the gang as well in cdy's eyes. he goes from feelings of disappointment#& irritability to complete despair and both times he drinks to cope. bc hes not enough in cdy's eyes in ANY of the ways he wants/hoped)#so honestly the crisis chen yi goes thru right here isnt unfounded at all hes literally dealing w an inadvertent rejection of his feelings#its chaos in his head and ai di is picking at him again and the wine is tilting in his blood and then- 'learn from who? learn from you?'#like what do YOU know about love ai di (WHILE CHEN YI'S PULLING HIM LIKE THAT-) so OF COURSE ai di goes for the deepest dig he can.#'i bet you cant get hard that explains how much of a coward you are'. its ridiculous the ways in which they push each other over the edge#but im ngl im kind of obsessed the way chen yi's tipsy line of thinking 'learn from you?' turned into the action 'fuck it learn from ME'#ANYWAY EVERYONE GO LISTEN TO 'LOSE CONTROL' BY TEDDY SWIMS RIGHT THE FUCK NOW. THe most chen yi song pre-ep9
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its been....... five? six? years since i was super duper crazy into funny train musical. i knew it would come back eventually.....
have some doodles
#i had a tumblr those five years ago but i think i deactivated it. if any1 remembers a textpost about cb microwaving mayonaise. that was me!#also i JUST NOW found out about some 2024 revival?!? hello??! the stars must have aligned.... i heard it whistling to me...#the bochum rewrite made me so mad i straight up left the fandom LOL im glad stex isnt totally over#absolutely devastated at caboose getting nuked forever but i heard GB is a butch lesbian now so im kind of locked in#starlight express#pearl the observation car#dinah the dining car#whatever c.b.'s tag is#c.b. the red caboose
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chapter 002 — rivers running on through
max verstappen/daniel ricciardo , minor lando norris/oscar piastri | chap. 02/?
Oscar's giggling over Lando’s inability to eat without leaving crumbs all over his face like whenever Daniel ate ice cream; it would always end up all around his mouth, no matter how hard he tried. Max would laugh and swear it was endearing, Daniel would blush and it’s only a faint wafting smell of a waffle cone now. In the crinkles by Oscar’s eyes, Max seems himself, young and inexperienced with the butterflies that come with each flower bloomed at every instance of his teammates smile. He can remember clearly being 23, still head over heels in love with— “Shit.” Max breathes out, “What the fuck.”
read here | fic playlist
#rivers on through#the library#wowow this is a very bad chapter im so sorry that it isnt longer weeps.....the next few will def be well over 5k#idk idk im about to be so busy and worn out im not sure when i'll be able to post again so . yeah whateves#enjoy the read xx#oh and the playlist will be updated w each chapter !#maxiel#daniel ricciardo#max verstappen#433
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hey 👉👈 if anyones able to throw a few bucks at me so i can get lunch at work the next few days itd be very much appreciated, I typically spend around $6-$10 a day thanks to my employee discount but im broker than broke rn and just embarrassed myself with a declined card 🙃 literally anything helps i just wanna be able to eat
vnm: tobias_leviathan
pp: paypal.me/bewearrr
#the guy working the self checkout made me feel like shit for it too#its cool working at a bougie grocery store until they find out youre poor and then its Over i guess#whatever im not gonna let it ruin my day#this is so stupid im scared that my finances will never improve again im just gonna be in the negatives forever :(#every paycheck feels like filling a bucket with a hole in it#i feel like such a failure#it wasnt even my fault it was my stupid last job that refused to give me hours and wouldn't elaborate#if i had any energy left I'd consider suing them because why the fuck are you risking homelessness for me after i beg you to give me hours#and the only job that would hire me is across the city and its a whole ordeal to get to#and im never home anymore im at my bfs place 70% of the week#which isnt a problem in of itself but i wish i had the freedom of transportation to be able to go home if i want :(#my life would improve if i had a car but i cannot afford a car and wont be able to afford a car until NEXT YEAR#sorry for venting in the tags im just SO FRUSTRATED. Im#over everything#anyways plz help me eat food the next few days#id be able to deal if if were not for the fact that testosterone#makes me a ravenous beast
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woah ok ive been seeing an insane amount of hate for side order so yknow what fuck you. this blog is a safe space i love octo expansion and i also love side order im having a very good time with this game. set urself free, release expectations, embrace fun
#text#splatoon#side order#JUST IN CASE anybody decides to be Like That:#im not saying u cant criticise it or whatever. im just sick of ppl hating bc they were expecting oe 2#and like most splatoon fans just dont play any other videogame ever so they hate roguelites lmao#its a completely different style of game. that is the point.#if ur angry i think u should take a seat and just watch marina lezzing out over pearl. feel some joy#AND DEDF1SH CANONICALLY USES THEY!! WHY ARENT WE MORE EXCITED ABOUT THIS#(also maybe im built different but this dlc really isnt that hard. i find it very fun)#ur not superior for disliking side order. get off ur fuckin high horse#ppl are allowed to enjoy things actually
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re “most popular lannister in fandom” discussion lol i love cersei obv but im not particularly shocked at her not being as immensely popular as her brothers in book circles. not even just because of misogyny but the type of character that she is and her “likability”. nonetheless, there is a lot to say and discuss about her and her complexity anyway and id love to see that more over “girlboss delulu queen x100”. idrgaf about what others think but the only thing that kinda bugs me is when i see multiple ppl complain about tyrion specifically lacking the intrigue and discussion that sorrounds jaime sometimes (which is a gripe i entirely understand and resonate with, especially bc we can guess the types of things it could be rooted in; and there is a lot of material to discuss with him ofc) and then never discussing him or really mentioning him themselves either, especially centering him. like ye i write like 800 pages on jaime or whatever and not as much about the other two bc i find him the most compelling personally for whatever reason but lol thats just me. be the change u want to see, especially if u find him the most interesting personally
#like i think cersei isnt written as ‘likeable’ necessarily which i do love tho#it doesnt impact character writing quality but it does affect popularity 😭#to be fair the longest thing ive written is the aerys cersei thing whatever i think of what i said in that now lol#i disagree w some of it certainly but its painfully long im not touching it again lmao#it feels too connected to discourse anyway which is just frustrating to me#like if u invest time into discussing fandom pilled whatever over the actual book u r gonna end up with kinda dumb thoughts anyway#bc u r trying to argue with nonsense and talk with premises that r so out of left field in mind
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