#anyway this is my contribution to combatting negativity

[buckscrashout]

Chimney Begins

Just tryna keep the love alive in my little corner of the internet, so I think im gonna do some more paintings of the team being silly and happy and alive

[helgiafterdark]

blah blah werewolf husbands blah blah blah

so, i just wanna talk about my personal characterizations of them. farkas is not some stupid bumbling brute with no brain and no feelings, and vilkas isn't just some angry angsty asshole (although at a surface level, i can see this). and this definitely heads into headcanon/fanfic territory.

farkas has the unique role of being the only companion we can actually witness transform into a werewolf (we do get to see aela in wolf form, but not her actual transformation and with no combat). and kodlak has convinced vilkas that sovngarde is a desirable goal incompatible with lycanthropy. so what does this mean?

clearly, farkas is more at ease with his own lycanthropy – his own self. he can transform into a wolf at will, he has amazing control over it. he is always calm and level-headed, he isn't concerned about any sort of bloodlust or rampages. i think this is due to his upbringing, surrounded by werewolves and warriors his entire life. this is his normal, his peace. i still believe his wolfblood burns hot within him, and he has moments where he loses control. but these moments are few and far between. his outer shell is a quiet calm man, who has moments of boisterousness and passion. and he is perceived as man of few words, or more negatively, a bad conversationalist. i think this contributes to the idea that he is stupid, but he isn't. he definitely doesn't have as much capacity to remember many historical facts like vilkas, but still he isn't stupid.

farkas has a rich inner dialogue and feels his emotions very deeply. yes, he has his personal trauma and other things he has dealt with which have possibly caused him to become withdrawn. but he has a very healthy outlet in hunting and fighting and training, especially considering he is literally not a human and biologically has a need to hunt (whether this aligns with human needs or morals is irrelevant).

and you'd think the same would apply to vilkas, but it doesn't. he is always grumpy at best, a whirling storm of fury at worst. he has bursts of anger, shouting, maybe even violence. combat is his main outlet, at jorrvaskr he can knock skulls together all day. but put him in a tavern and he will sulk in the corner all night. to most everyone else, he's moody, brooding, irritable, snobby, fun-intolerant, and has no problem laughing in your face when you ask a stupid question (although he'll tell you the answer anyway, because he certainly knows it). but there is an ache, deep in his heart. he has carried it with him for a very long time.

i believe in childhood vilkas was perhaps closer emotionally to their father, jergen, or had a stronger attachment to him. and when jergen left for war, vilkas took this much harder. he had to reason with himself and come up with some way for this loss and grief to make sense. so vilkas perceives this as abandonment, and maybe it was. and due to his environment and the people around him, the only thing this boy could understand was anger. then he latched onto another father figure, kodlak.

and we have to remember that kodlak wasn't always an old man. he was young, a powerful werewolf warrior who claimed many victories and looked glorious doing it. he still maintains a connection to talos in his old age, which he likely acquired in youth long before he became a werewolf. after jergen left and never returned, kodlak took on the responsibilities of instilling good values into those boys. i don't believe kodlak really taught them much about talos (somewhat secular upbringing). but he did teach them about honor, integrity, leadership, and security. over time, kodlak came to see them as his own sons. i think this is where kodlak's worries regarding sovngarde stem from; things are different now that he has children.

and when kodlak became disillusioned with lycanthropy, he projects onto vilkas and farkas, saying that they do not take to the blood as deeply. vilkas was easily convinced. farkas obviously just agrees with vilkas, he goes where his brother goes. but i think internally, farkas is extremely comfortable as a werewolf and would not choose to rid himself of his power. so when kodlak says farkas seems to be fine after swearing off transformations... well, i think it is because farkas would never give this up, and hasn't.

i think farkas' mental peace and clarity come from being his unrestrained self. he doesn't hold back his wolf, he embraces it fully. he regularly hunts in beast form, like aela and skjor. he transforms whenever he needs to, a powerful release of emotions and other energies. maybe farkas just wasn't as close to jergen, maybe he just has better emotional control and was able to efficiently cope with his grief. no matter the reason, he isn't as affected by this loss as his brother. (not to say farkas was entirely unaffected, but everyone has their own reaction to loss). however, farkas did very much look up to skjor. and when skjor dies, farkas is grieving. he expresses this verbally once and then never again. he's a man of few words, he contains his grief and other emotions.

vilkas' enduring anger, however, is worsened by holding himself back. he is convinced lycanthropy is a curse, that he isn't a true nord. so he doesn't transform into a wolf. he remains a man, every day, possibly for years. he is bottled up, repressed, waiting to be released but he will not allow this to happen. this is the illusion of self control. in holding himself back, he makes it so much harder to contain. he is absolutely itching with rage and he knows why but he is so stubborn. he has made up his mind; he will not transform. to him, this is strength. he believes his beastblood is his weakness. but i don't think werewolves should see their blood as a curse or a blessing. it is simply who they are, and it's important emotionally and mentally and physically to embrace who you are.

so basically, when farkas transforms into a wolf, he is completely in control and fully aware. this is what vilkas thinks he is, but in holding himself back he is actually on a path to losing control over his beastblood.

i love them <3

[fraux140]

Some König Headcanons and Hottakes

So I want to preface this by saying no hate to anyone. These are just some opinions that I think some people might disagree with which is totally fine. This is also a little bit of me pointing out some of his flaws. I love him though.

He is not a shy little uwu boy who would have a panic attack if a cutie looked at him a certain way. If he was so prone to panic attacks and his anxiety was that crippling then he wouldn't have been in the special forces and he wouldn't be in a PMC - which are highly selective.

Personally I don't fully believe that he was a colonel. The only hint we have gotten of that is a one of the 'Bad Brothers' loading screens which just says 'Colonel König' with no more context. Colonels aren't really active on the battle field and it is very unlikely you would see one in action. Officers ranked that highly are seen as too valuable to be 'wasted' in infantry combat.

Continuing from my last point, even a lot of majors and Lt Colonels aren't battle prone. Considering he would have had to have passed through those ranks to become a colonel means that he would have spent a lot of time behind a desk and commanding teams such as platoons and battalions. We don't know enough about him to say that he isn't a good leader, after all he is simply an operator with a few paragraphs of text as a background. However, his voice lines and little text we do get about him tells us he is not one to enjoy standing by and having others fight on his command. He would MUCH rather be in the brawl.

And I know that Alejandro is a colonel and very active duty, however we can assume that this is largely due to his ambition and personal attachment to his home, which he wants to protect from the cartel. I'm not saying a colonel doesn't fight, but it is exceedingly rare.

My last anti-colonel theory point - why would a colonel wear such DIY gear? I just want to say if you hc him as a colonel that is absolutely FINE, those are just reasons as to why I don't :/

Moving on, I believe him to be a sore loser. For example, he was deemed unfit to be a sniper, and so he wears a sniper hood and has that voiceline "And they said I couldn't be a sniper". Dress for the job you want, not the job you have ig?

I believe he wants to prove people wrong. Getting rejected as a sniper wounded his ego so A LOT. I hc him to be between 32-37 and if he joined jagkdo/KSK (old bio said he was German and in the KSK, newer ones said Austrian and JagKdo, now there's no mention of sf so idk??) while he was younger, say around 23-26, he's had a lot of time for that wound to heal and yet it hasn't. This man holds hella grudges.

Because of this, I think that a fear of failure might also contribute to his anxiety. If he was asked about being scared to fail he'd smirk and say there was no way. But deep down in his core it eats away at him.

This might also bleed into his social life. He's fearful of relationships and remains single for a long time. He'd rather not ask you out instead of having you reject him for trying. He'd have to REALLY like somebody and also have some reassurance or signs that they liked him out.

Cannot accept accountability for simple mistakes. He knocked your coffee mug over? You shouldn't have left it there. Hit you a little too hard in training? You should be stronger. You should have dodged it. Not his fault you're not as good as him.

Is a show off. If he is obviously better at something then you'll never hear the end of it. Better driver? Better fighter. Yeah, he's bragging about it. Again, his fear of not being good enough rears its ugly head. He deflects it on to those who are weaker - they could never be him.

Damn this was a list of negatives, but I love him in spite of all of his flaws. What kind of list should I make next? I should probably do one with some positive traits lmao.

Anyway, I don't mind at all if anyone disagrees with these this is just how I see him. Maybe one day I'll write a fic where he acknowledges his demons and starts to heal.

[itsnothingofinterest]

Alright we're at 2/3 for the villain hero student plots, given how the dabi and toga ones have gone how do you feel about the shigaraki one? Like from everything we've seen so far, with dabi toga and the mutant type quirk Havers, how do you realistically think this last ones gonna go?

Oh don’t ask me about what I realistically expect; because I’m not expecting much good or interesting to talk about if we're taking Dabi & Toga’s conclusions at face value.

I much prefer to think about the possibilities in our expectations being subverted with sudden twists and challenges. How this or that forgotten plot element could suddenly come into focus in an unexpected way. And indeed how the villain plots we think just got concluded could be reignited to challenge our heroes some more. That's where the fun predictions come from.

Still, I should probably give proper answer, shouldn't I; even if my answer is a fairly dull way for things to go. But to bum less people out with my negativity, I'm putting it under a cut.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anyway a realistic prediction based on how Dabi & Toga's plots ended would probably something along the lines of pinning everything wrong with Tomura on his daddy issues and/or AFO to sidestep any way that the hero society that All Might built contributed to his fall to villainy; in general treating him as a unique case instead of anything systemic Deku needs to worry about, or at least that he'd need to change & do differently from his predecessors. Thus allowing Deku to save Tenko while still moving forward as nothing more complicated than an All Might 2.0.

(Deku then faces 2 or 3 more Leagues of Villains in his career; formed from falling through the same cracks, and with the same motives as our League. And then in 70~100 years humanity goes extinct because of the Quirk Singularity. All of which being preventable, but not by the heroes the kids have been ending their arcs as.)

Also AFO may or may not make it to the Deku v Shigaraki fight to be blamed for everything wrong in the world in person. It wouldn't really matter, he doesn't need to be there for that; so it just depends on if Hori wants Deku to beat his face in (again, but also for the 1st time), or if he wants All Might to 3-0 him. Or maybe if Horikoshi wants to be efficient, he might just Warp one fight's combatants straight to the other fight; convert 'um into a 2V2 (or rather a 2V1V1) to get both of those plots over quick...Actually, that last idea sounds interesting; I may use that for my fun predictions.

Well anyway yeah, that's my realistic expectations based on what we’ve been getting. It’s not much fun to think about, and I don't actually like being this much a downer. But there you go.

[prism-empurress]

so I HAD a witchblr but it's been unused FOREVER....at some point I'm going to delete it... anyway let's do a tarot reading and...meditate on what i get. usually you're supposed to cleanse the area BEFORE you do anything...but all I did was pick up trash around my desk and put dishes in the sink.

still god awful at shuffling. it's been...awhile since I last used my deck. Last christmas I got a kitty themed deck which I never used. okay babble over, shuffling time. ah...a card fell out mid-shuffle. I've been told jumper cards have important info or insight that you shouldn't ignore. Ten of pentacles. "UPRIGHT: Wealth, financial security, family, long-term success, contribution." further reading what it means entails....wealth will not be an issue for me.

"This card reflects permanence and creating a lasting foundation for future success. It is a card of commitment to a sustainable future, taking into consideration not just the short-term gains of a particular venture but also the long-term benefits. A consistent approach will achieve success that will last the test of time."

okay so...I feel good about that! I'm going to resume shuffling now. i got...five of cups.

"UPRIGHT: Regret, failure, disappointment, pessimism" oooh....

says I need to pull myself together and move on. I'm gonna do one more, see if the next one will show me how to combat it. ....wheel of fortune, reversed... REVERSED: Bad luck, resistance to change, breaking cycles

aw come on....

"On the positive side, the Wheel of Fortune Reversed might mean that you are finally breaking a negative cycle that has been present in your life. Perhaps you have realized how your actions have created a repetitive situation and are now ready to break free from the cycle. For some, this may flow naturally following a period of introspection and self-discovery. For others, things may need to hit rock bottom before you are ready to see what is no longer serving you (especially if The Devil or The Tower is in your reading)." OKAY TAROT DECK. WHAT DO I DO NOW? wheel of fortune reversed again??? I give up. i'm going to bed.

[ovyy-pvcure]

Loathe as I am to revive S4 drama this is the episode that convinced me I was 100% correct to drop the show after Season 3 and this post more or less sums up why: it's the kind of thematic mess that happens when writers are unfocused, conflicted, and either rushed or terribly unskilled leading to a very frustrating confusing watching experience. Kuro Neko is such a clustered thematic mess that it is nearly impossible to put my thoughts down on it in an organized manner, but let me try anyway.

Chat Noir's stated problems with his partnership with Ladybug -the ones he actually says, not the one the show puts in his mouth later but put a pin on that cause I'm coming back for it-are not entirely without merit. To summarize Chat feels undervalued, untrusted, and like he has no voice in what used to be, if not an equal partnership, one where he could speak up or contribute. For the person fighting by Ladybug's side this whole time learning she's had another secret hero on the side he was never aware of, not being trusted with the -already outed mind you-temp heroes identities or miraculous retrieval when, yes, it would have saved time if Ladybug hadn't argued about it or even tabled the discussion for later when they weren't both on ticking clocks must feel awful. Where's the consideration for how Adrichat feels?

The answer to that is a few episodes back in "Rocketear" where Ladybug point blank asks him if something is wrong and he answers in the negative, and then never opens up about it afterward until it results in this tantrum-based act of quitting for the 2nd time. Third if you count his threat in "Syren" when people were actively drowning in the Seine.

Which drags forth an uncomfortable question of "well, why should Maribug trust Adrichat with anything when he's so consistently feckless, self-centered, incompetent and air headed"? Why should Ladybug trust the person who lounges mid-fight and got both their memories erased? Who goads and teases her about his unrequited crush that all of Paris is cheering on in a fight against an Akuma in an attempt to wear her down? A thing that occurs multiple times past where Ladybug has stopped jokingly flirted back upon realizing how serious Chat's feelings are? Who openly states he likes seeing her mad, and does things to provoke her endangering her, him, all of Paris, and also THE WORLD? Why should Maribug consider how Adrichat feels when he never considers how anyone else may feel, or how his actions effect others? All that without having the audience-only knowledge that Adrien's not missing fights because of a packed schedule or out-of-town woes, no he's sitting in his room feeling bad for himself because Ladybug has other people to rely on. Booo, boo on you Adrien.

And all that? All that is incredibly unfair to Chat who has been there since the beginning, who has contributed, who has kept the atmosphere light, and supported Ladybug from the beginning. Ladybug's increased responsibility, and accordingly stress could use a dose of fun and reminder of the joys of heroing when out-of-combat, so really what Chat needed is the right time and place. To crack jokes, to discuss his issues, to float the idea of collecting or even being able to hand out other miraculous when needed. Instead of throwing an on-the-spot tantrum making a vague post and dropping one-half of the world-ending power on a random roof and walking away because he has no ability to emotionally regulate at 13. Which really just hammers home how irresponsible and unworthy of any of the things he wants he actually is.

Not that it must have been easy finding a moment to get Ladybug together to talk given their civilian lives, burgeoning romances (for all of, what, a week?), and said increase in her duties where in an ironic twist her ability to pull a team on demand made her less of a team player. An issue the series tries to put on display in "Penalteam", but largely fails it when it would have been better here where Ladybug is, however understandably, snappy and dismissive of Chat. Ladybug's increased role as leader of a team pulls her, and Chat, further from their origins as a duo as she increasingly leans more on Alyarouge and her own chosen team whose identities she knows when the only reason she doesn't know Chat's is due to out-of-date rules set by Fu alone. If Adrichat's penchant for being mind controlled or Maribug's repeated close-calls with Akumas are meant to be the reason she certainly never voices it. Of course the real reason for the identity rule, and indeed the reason this episode is so frustrating and not a single of these reasons for the season-long erosion of the Ladynoir dynamic and trust are actually tackled in the episode itself; the Lovesquare. As Always The Lovesquare ruins everything .

No, Chat Noir isn't irresponsible and demanding the problem is Ladybug doesn't like him back and that makes him sad. No, Ladybug isn't more pushy, irritable and snappy than usual because of her various stressors leaving her sleepless and on the verge of a breakdown the problem is her partner is in looOoOoOove with her. And the whole episode and conflict really just falls apart from there, because it's no longer about the conflict the writers actually set up it's an episode about the ~Love Square~.

Hope you kept that pin in mind because we're there. Because the conflict the writers have set-up all season, in the opening of the episode, in the concept of the episode is fairly interesting. It regards responsibility, compromise, the importance of communication and changing roles in a significant other's life. But then the writers or producers or Astruc or someone decided to throw the actual conflict aside because romance is supposed to be the focus of the show. Completely ignoring that even in a romance show non-romantic drama is important to -especially since as Season 5 (and Astruc's twitter) will be happy to tell us Ladynoir is totally platonic and doesn't have aNyThINg to do with Adrinette the actual endgame pairing at all (oy vey...)- the conflict isn't resolved! Adrichat is in love with Ladybug who, as Maribug, is in love with Adrien so Cat Walker -who's based on the Adrien mask he wears in public but isn't Adrien in totality- shuts down her brain so Maribug can't have a useful strategic partner who doesn't recklessly jump into battle because giving it back to the guy who a) quit recklessly, spontaneously and without a single contingency b) is still in love with her and therefore sad (:( ) about it because she can't love him back because she's already in love with someone else (didn't stop him while he was dating Kagami but whatever I guess) c) will remain huffy about the concept of heroes other than him and "his lady" existing and d) is none of those positive things I just listed (when he demonstrates he could be he just chooses not to. but Maribug doesn't know that part because Gatekeep, Girlboss, Gaslight AdriPlagg) is such a good idea.

Because they worked and Cat Walker didn't? Find someone else then! Give the ring to Alya or Su Han and have them choose. throw a dart at the a class register with Chloe, Sabrina and Lila crossed out and give it to whoever that lands on. Hell, throw a dart out the window and give it to Zoe Lee since next season she's easily just as competent as Chat Noir anyway since he's not particularly skilled, useful, competent or smart. The episode never resolves its damn conflict who wrote this shit. Oh! Four people wrote this episode. That explains so. much(Thomas Astruc, Melanie Duval, Fred Lenoir, and Sebastian Thibaudeau).

Notice how Ladybug has to apologize to Chat Noir for not making him feel special enough when he has done nothing to earn it. He quit with vague wording, left the ring with Plagg trapped inside on a roof, moped around instead of being helpful, discussed nothing with Ladybug, lied to and manipulated Ladybug all episode, doesn't actually defeat the sentimonster -Ladybug does that by herself like she always does because Cat Walker buggered off to let her focus-shows up the end to half-heartedly apologize for quitting saying, and I quote "I didn't realize how much trouble I'd make for you by giving back my Miraculous.". I'm sorry Adrien. By "giving back [your] Miraculous"? That's not how I remember it! I remember you abandoning Plagg and the ring on a random roof in a random district of Paris! It's like the show is actively trying to gaslight me, the audience member, at this point.

Not that Ladybug's followup of Chat Noir being irreplaceable is any better considering he was easy to replace. His replacement was better in every way. In Season 5 he'll be replaced again and she's just as good if not better than him anyway. All said without telling us why Adrichat is so irreplaceable.

In "Truth" Ladybug says she likes Chat Noir's courage, self-confidence and sense of humor. Which are all likeable characteristics, their the reasons I liked Adrien in the first few seasons myself, until they become flaws when he takes them too far. Chat's courage frequently becomes recklessness, his self-confidence arrogance-such as, say, thinking himself better or more special than the other heroes-his humor irreverence. In the same episode Chat Noir says he's fine with the guardianship if it doesn't change things between them; which it does. It changes their roles, how Ladybug sees Adrichat and Alyarogue, how their dynamic works at a very base level. But none of that can be linked to our leads wanting to suck each other's faces so it all gets tossed out with the bathwater to give us a meaningless Lovesquare moment at the end of the episode after hammering the lovesquare button all episode ignoring all the set up of the first episode of the season.

Chat Noir never tells us his favorite parts of Ladybug but let's assume he'd probably note her decisiveness, creativity (when he's not drooling over anything that looks like Ladybug but wants to kiss him), and her self-assurance/ability to stand up for herself. Same deal that those taken too far become the kind of flaws we see of her that are never addressed despite being part of the actual conflict of the episode. Maribug's decisiveness becomes bull-headed inflexibility logically and morally, her creativity unreasonable complexity, her self-assurance dismissive close mindedness (Chat Noir can't have a point he's just trying to chat me up and wasting time). Again, positive traits that made me a Marinette fan that can cause conflict and if addressed can be really fun to work with. The show just doesn't want to.

Why would I, as an Adrien fan -and don't let how negatively I've been ragging on him I was an Adrien fan when I watched the show-want him to end up with someone who doesn't listen to him, takes him for granted unless he's actively making a fuss, and puts him down when frustrated? (Ignore how Marinette wouldn't put Adrien down because Love or whatever; this is back when Maribug and Adrichat being the same people mattered and the series didn't pretend the people behind the masks didn't matter when they were in the masks.) Why would I want him to end up with someone who's scheduling could become as suffocating and controlling as Gabriel's? Why would I want him to end up with someone who lies to him and makes him look up to his abuser?

Why would I, as a Marinette fan, want her to end up with someone who sulks and gets easily jealous without talking to his partner? Who lies to and manipulates her on a whim to get what he wants? Who demonstratively doesn't respect her boundaries? Why would I want her to end up with someone who has already tried to cheat on another girlfriend with her (Yes, continuing to seriously hit on Ladybug while dating Kagami is attempting to cheat on her, no I will not be taking criticism, questions or disagreements)?

This episode certainly never tells me, it just tells me there was a disagreement but Chat Noir is irreplaceable for Reasons. Where is my reason to root for these characters? Where is my reason to want to see this romance come to a fruition? Where is my resolution to the episode's conflict!?

As a byproduct of my attempts to explain why "Destruction" is thematic dumpster fire, here's a third iteration of why "Kuro Neko" is one, too. It's a cute episode but is it ever a testimony to how the writers just didn't care.

Marinette learns the lesson that she needs Cat Noir as her partner! in an episode where she discovers that the alternative to him is far more competent, genuine, and charming. She defeats the villain without anyone's help and the reason she needs Cat Noir back has nothing to do with his having skills or experience or any unique quality that she doesn't find elsewhere. It's literally because the substitute is too hot and Cat Noir's in the friendzone.

The vital dichotomy between Adrien and Cat Noir is officially cancelled. There's no need to question the reason why Adrien presents so differently as a superhero, like his personal life being deeply troubled thanks to his lacking control over his public image, his lacking control over how he spends his days, and the fact that he's a literal slave to his father and Nathalie. Plagg helpfully explains that Cat Noir has nothing to do with Adrien Agreste™ being a false and insufficient expression of Adrien's true personality, because they're not variations of an incomplete mask, but two equal expressions of the self. Cemented by Cat Walker earning a place equal to Cat Noir in the endcard, and S5 never again alluding to any tension in Adrien's self-perception

"I'm quitting because Ladybug doesn't think I'm special" "He quit because he's in love with you and you didn't make him feel special" "He quit because being in love with me hurt him" "I won't go back because being in love with her hurt me" "Sorry for quitting just because you don't think I'm special" COULD YOU KINDLY MAKE UP YOUR MIND

The episode ends with Cat Noir remorseful over being a drama queen and Ladybug reassuring him that she still cares even though he's not her special partner any more. This lesson is repeated at the beginning of the very next episode, and they're both in agreement of that status. By the end of "Strike Back", Ladybug for no discernable reason believes that her keeping secrets from Cat Noir is why Felix Fathom lied his arse off, backstabbed her and gave Hawkmoth all the miraculouses. Cat Noir is once again her "faithful partner" and not just her favourite member on the Hero Team. Not by merit of his loyalty, of his courage, of his ability to do something the others could not. Oh no, Cat Noir is her Special Partner because he's the only one who doesn't hand his miraculous back after battle. Wow.

So there's this sentimonster shaped like a black cat. It is literally named "Black Cat". It is a substitute for a lost kitty which meaningfully ecchoes Ladybug's own and currently lost black cat. Ladybug in fact initially mistakes the sentimonster for her "lost kitty", believing he has been akumatised. After that misunderstanding is cleared up, she wins the battle by killing it. The sentimonster that was named after her partner who the very next episode will all but confirm is himself a sentimonter. That's how she wins the battle wherein she learns that she needs him by her side. By singelhandedly killing the black cat sentimonster named after him.

[rollercoasterwords]

hey rae, i’m experiencing a bit of a moral dilemma (ish) bc like… i’ve always more or less had this view that its wrong on some level to like “police” people on the kind of media they are creating, even mainstream tbh and now… well… let’s just say a little bee flew in rather aggressively into my eardrums and it won’t stop buzzing about the moral implications and suddenly the pretty stable ground that i was standing on is slowing crumbling beneath my feet but like… that’s okay??? i’m accepting the fall bc i’m actually always thrilled to free fall. that is to say, i love the way things around me can make me question my own ideas of what i believe to be true sometimes like i love love love it. i love looking at smth ekth a new lens and more information and then yk, rebuilding thag ground with more stable material. anyways, sry i’m rambling, but you see, everything this bee was buzzing abt started to increasingly make more sense and like, i started to rly think about it in the way of like… evaluating the consequences right? like if a specific media trope has very real contributions to a stigma abt a certain group and manifests in the society in multiple ways, then rly, why can’t i condemn it? bc the way i used to look at it was like “well yes, the media is harmful, but like, i also don’t think we have the right to dictate other people’s liberties when it come to art”. but now… especially considering that this “art” is mainstream and like reaches millions of people, why tf not? bc when you rly put it on the scale, what has more weight, ppl being mad/annoyed that engaging with this is “bad” and they shouldn’t/ being limited in creating it or ppl suffering the real life implications of this. and to make myself a little clearer, the specific thing thag kinda made me realize this more was how media a lot of the times portrays certain mental illness in an overly negative and harmful way, and how in thrn, society discriminates against those individuals in part bc of the skewed perception thag media has portrayed about them. and i feel like this kinda of made me like… think more about this view that i used to defend strongly, and kinda of go, wait, hold up… and i’m still a little like… conflicted bc as much as like i say this, i don’t think there are any viable means of like combatting this issue bc at the end of the day, what creators for mainstream media want is money and these things get them money and so it’s never rly gonna stop, and i still am a little iffy on the idea thag it’s essentially like… an objective moral no no, but like i can see the other side more clearly and it’s just… man it’s so frustrating in a way. and like as much as some ppl may engage with their media critically and liek recognize these stereotypes and shit, a majority of ppl don’t and it’s so frustrating to see itttt. but yeah, idk im still like… gathering materials before fully building this floor, but like, what are your thoughts on this if any? (i’m literally going to everyone with this i an truly a menace, i need to talkkkk abt it like the way this brings me so much joy) (unfortunately i don’t have many ppl in my life that care or are willing to talk to me abt these things) (enter: rae)

hello!! interesting questions!! love that u are embracing the freefall of having a core belief challenged + opening urself to new ways of thinking rather than growing defensive + closing urself off!!

so, what i wanna start off by saying here is this: there is a very broad middle ground between "this art is bad and shouldn't exist/shouldn't be interacted with at all" versus "everyone should just create whatever they want with disregard for the consequences."

because different forms of art are going to be doing different things, reaching different audiences, and sending different messages. and there are plenty of ways that art/literature/media/etc can be harmful. for example, this recent open letter to the new york times is a great example of a critique on the way in which the nytimes' coverage of trans "issues" causes real-life harm to trans people. in this sort of instance, it's not okay for the nytimes to just continue writing as they have, however they want, because they have certain journalistic responsibilites which include not promoting/perpetuating harm against marginalized groups (not that they have an especially great track record in that regard, but i digress). part of critically evaluating media is evaluating whether that media has harmful real-life implications, and, if it does, figuring out whether/how to engage with that media in a way that does not perpetuate that harm.

so like--with the example you're talking about, portrayals of mental illness that contribute to stigma. part of evaluating those portrayals is going to start with asking what kind of media you're looking at, who it's reaching, and what it's trying to do. for example--a movie made by a large hollywood studio that's profiting off a stigmatizing portrayal of mental illness, reaching a broad audience, and contributing to widespread misconceptions is tangibly harmful, and it makes sense to vocally critique that portrayal or perhaps even encourage people not to engage with the movie at all, as it is profiting off something harmful. additionally, hollywood movies are invested in perpetuating a capitalist system such that they will often have an underlying goal of spreading messages/ideas that support that capitalist system, so there is much more to be wary of there in the intent of the media.

a fanfiction on the internet written by an individual that contains a stigmatizing portrayal of mental illness is something that is not accruing profit, not reaching a broad audience, and not harmful in the same way. an individual writing fanfiction on the internet is also not invested in perpetuating broader systems of capitalistic power in the same way a hollywood movie studio is, so the intent of their art is likely different. a better route here is probably to reach out to the individual, who probably wrote this portrayal out of ignorance and would most likely be open to educating themself and avoiding such portrayals in the future. this is a better response than trying to "cancel" the person completely, because it works to build community and has a much more direct impact in breaking the stigma around mental illness by educating an individual who previously internalized those stigmatized views.

when you're trying to critically evaluate a piece of media that contains something you view as potentially harmful, here are some important questions to ask:

who is making this? why are they making it? what is the stated goal of the creator(s) in creating this specific piece of media? are there any other goals that the creator is leaving unsaid?

who is the intended audience of this media? how large is that audience? in what ways is this media catered to appeal to that audience? what responsibilities does the creator hold towards that audience? will the audience response be monolithic, or is there room for varied impact amongst members of the same audience?

is this media a lecture or a conversation? is this media presenting a moral truth that i am expected to accept? or is it presenting moral questions and encouraging me to draw my own conclusions?

what role does profit play in the creation + distribution of this media? what systems of power is this media invested in upholding, if any? what institutions is this media invested in upholding, if any?

these are all questions which, depending on the answers, are going to change your evaluation on the media. this post kind of sums up what i mean, and i talk more here about when art becomes truly harmful. but also, i want to emphasize--engaging with media critically and coming to the conclusion that something is harmful is not the same thing as policing media, at least in my opinion. policing implies reinforcing set rules for how someone can or cannot create/engage with media, which doesn't allow for the necessary flexibility needed for actual critical thought. i think it's also important to note that policing typically says "if this media is Bad, you must destroy it/ignore it completely." but critically engaging with media means acknowledging harmful media when it exists, and analyzing why it exists + what it's trying to do. it also means acknowledging that not all media is going to fit cleanly into the harmful/harmless dichotomy. sometimes media will contain harmful stereotypes or stigmatizing portrayals in one sense, and really important representation or progressive ideas in another sense. other times, a portrayal that feels stigmatizing to one person will feel like representation to another. part of engaging critically with media means evaluating what it's doing as a whole and accounting for both the good and the bad. at the end of the day, we can't solve problems by refusing to engage with them at all, y'know?

[there-was-a-hole-here-itsgonenow]

Low mental health warning:

This is such a downer thing to write, but with the holidays coming and especially New Years not striking well for me (as well as a ptsd anniversary), I don’t really know where else to put this. I know there’s many out here who will understand. My mental health is lowering every day and my sense of self worth is so bad that I’m ashamed of still not being able to lift myself out of it after so many years. I have people in my corner but feel compelled to stay quiet; there’s so many negative things happening around my own family that it’s not worth it. I get encouraged to talk when the mask slips. When I feel brave enough to, sometimes my feelings and what happened to me is downplayed by even my dearest ones. But I know better, how things have happened. And yet I feel guilty anyway, for this depression. For possibly interfering in the joy of others or making their problems more burdened if I spoke. I keep trying to do better for myself in life to combat it. I also like contributing to and being on my favorite tumblr tag because it’s something that makes me happy. Even hopeful, silly as it may sound. But as the months tick by, the better thoughts I’ve worked so hard to build shut down. I’m afraid of losing this bit of joy. I’m afraid of losing joyful hopes for the future. I don’t want to be null and void.

I don’t want to bring others down with this. If you see this and it did, I’m so terribly sorry. I also hope that if you feel low now that you won’t later. And that you’ll find only the best because it’s what you deserve. And that if the holidays are bringing you down, you’ll feel far better after.

[kachuuyaa]

— TRAGEDY, TRAGEDY.

g.i oneshot , gn!reader , bsd!reader

genre ; fluff? angst? i dunno reader is alone though

includes ; mentions of death, gods, you are from the BSD WORLD?? SO TRUE!! reader is from port mafia, mentioned to be close w the double black, hints of chuuya being the love interest

synopsis ; The show is starting. There is no comedy in this world of tragedy, then, and now.

author’s notes ; WAHHH IT IS TIME!!!!! IT’S TIME IT’S HERE IT’S AN INTRODUCTION THOUGH, i’ll make the first meetings fic soon :)

Have the gods cursed you? You were given another chance in life, yet that isn’t what you wanted. Death came to you at such a young age (your life felt like a long, treacherous one even so), but you felt blessed, for the first time. Life in the Port mafia came with tragedies and betrayals, and all you wanted was an escape. All those memories, fresh in your mind, kept repeating themselves in the most vulnerable moments. You were alone, alone-- that word felt fresh on your tongue, foreign, even. How could you be alone when you were prominent to those against your organization? You were popular among them, being their target and a source of power. Surely, they would have laughed at your death, it would only be fair to consider it a victory, after all. Did the gods loathe you that much to give you a curse of immortality, one with all your past memories and abilities intact? Did the gods loathe you so? They have. In the beginning, all they wanted was human approval, yet you spoke words interlaced with spite and resentment.

You were alone. A wandering outlander; one who is reminiscent of the past. Many people have looked at you but not in the eyes, terrified at what you had to hide. You were silent, intimidating by nature. They were afraid of you, however, they couldn’t keep their mouths shut. Whispers and mentions of your name were heard throughout the most prominent nations, some even reached the ears of the divine, yet they paid no attention to such trivial matters, especially coming from mortals. Who would want to listen to such musings when they have earned the power to control this world, if you were a threat, you would be eradicated in an instant, no? You were but a mere mortal. Oh, how they wished they knew better. A wandering outlander-- dead in their own world and an outcast in the current one, should be deemed as a threat. Your power and your ability surpassed that of gods, and even though it was a curse, it was a blessing to those who utilized it well.

And while you haven’t used your ability in a while (and directly in front of individuals), you knew you were stronger than those who present themselves as gods. The archons, however, you couldn't care less about, for you only care about reuniting with-- with who? You were alone, for all the years you have walked this world that is still foreign to you, you have not felt a single familiar presence. You were completely alone; isolated, with no one to turn to. This was something entirely different from Yokohama, posters and warnings about you being spread among the townspeople were quite common in your world, really.

You were only noticed due to your somehow sinister and unnerving aura, being quickly feared by many. The cycle begins again, however, minus the tragic backstories. You were-- free. You haven’t felt free in a very, very long time. Death was an escape, a ticket to freedom, but at what cost? Freedom was obtained using sacrifices. Why would you have to live another life with freedom only to be stripped away from it once again? The gods have made decisions for mortals whose desires are not theirs to have, and if some were cursed, why should some be praised? Those sculpted by the gods gained approval and prowess of any kind, yet you-- you were cursed. You were designed intricately, beautifully by the king of gods himself, only to send you to a realm where none of them existed? Was this a cruel joke to you? Or was it retribution due to your unjust acts?

You didn’t care, though. You just want to go home. Do you even have a home? Somewhere to stay, to pour all your memories in? You don’t, do you? You’re dead. You don’t belong there anymore. You belong here, that is the punishment given to you. How ironic, a wandering immortal whose title does not fit themself has no one to turn to. No immortals do, anyway. As the gods have longed for human approval yet were prevented from speaking to such beings, immortals long for peace, tranquility while knowing even a second of that wouldn’t be enough for a long, long life filled with dread.

The phrase “I want to go home,” lands on your tongue quite often, yet you know, even though you hate to admit it, you do not have any. This world-- whatever this was, is not your home, nor will it ever be. Yet, why did you feel a sense of familiarity during your first meeting with the supposed “Outlander turned Honorary Knight of Mondstadt”? During the decades you have walked this earth, you have not seen an impact from a fellow outlander such as them. In different circumstances, where you actually cared for their crises, would you be in their place? It should be quite obvious. You were from the Port Mafia. Their executives were arrogant, powerful, and terrifying. Narcissistic, would be used to describe them as a whole. They weren’t entirely wrong, per se, however, deep in that never-ending, dark, hollow abyss of one, a blooming garden of emotions would be revealed. Under the seemingly unattractive shell you present yourself as, in the rarest of moments, you would be vulnerable.

You resort to repeating the actions you have done in the past. Gaining a negative reputation was what made you climb to the ranks of the Port Mafia, and even if there was no Port Mafia, no comrades insight, you would try to better yourself for the sake of the freedom you were generously given with your punishment. An immortal who is alone will never be remembered. Perhaps this journey would help you reminisce about the past in a positive manner rather than what you long for, no? You won’t replace them, no, never, you know it’s time to move on. And if the gods commend you for that, then, you will receive judgment. You were intelligent, a huge contribution to the Port Mafia as one of their most excellent members-- both in strategy and in combat. Decades of isolation have led you to be a one-person army, if you were as strong as a god then, you were as strong as the gods aspire to be.

A bird, specifically a Bohemian Waxwing, has landed on your shoulder. It was quiet, and it seemed like they did it willingly. Its most prominent feature was a highlighted orange streak across its head, reminding you of a very, very close, old friend. Its eyes held a familiar glimmer, as well. Thinking that your assumptions were far from reality, you decide to let it go, yet it remains persistent. Then, you decide to keep it, bringing him on your escapades. (you named him Nakahara, because of how much it reminded you of him. You were utterly speechless when you sensed content from its small figure.) needless to say, maybe your new biography wouldn’t be so boring.

© kachuuyaa | do not claim my work as your own.

[skye-huntress]

Ice Queendom Dub Reaction

Episode 6: “Do you have a Plan?”

Since I’m doing reactions for another show that aires new episodes hours before these ones, I’m not going to prioritise doing the dub reactions the night of.

I’m actually enjoying seeing and actually hearing more from this twisted side of Weiss. It’s like all of her negative thoughts have risen to the surface, both unfiltered and unbalanced. Since I’ve seen the whole show and have a clear picture of how it all comes together, I can now appreciate how they’ve nailed certain aspects and misconceptions about Weiss’ character and growth.

For example, how she refers to Ruby as precious to her, because she is. I can see now with the dub how Weiss took offence to Blake suggesting otherwise.

Yang once again throwing shade at Weiss for what the inside of her heart looks like. Again, just saying, it would be interesting to see what’s inside her own heart, what with her abandonment issues.

It seems partway through the fight, Blake actually started to question the actual motivations for why Negative Weiss was chasing out the Faunus. It’s good to ask those questions, because there is always a reason for why a person feels a certain way. Can’t help someone change if you don’t understand how they came to be as they are.

That comment about Blake always running away, ouch! Bit of a sore subject there but Blake did run away when she accidentally outed herself, so maybe Weiss has picked up on it.

Have I ever said that Grumpy is my favourite of Klein’s personalities? I haven’t thought about it too much, but now I’m starting to miss him and I’m wondering how he’ll be getting on after everything.

Skipping ahead a bit, I have to ask, are they markers or breadcrumbs? Pick one!

I also find it funny that Shion tells them to come up with a new strategy, but I don’t think they had one in the first place

By the way, I didn’t notice it in the sub, but now that I got a good look at the statue Sun was standing next to, it seems different.

Speaking of returning support characters, Salutations!

Jaune asking what he’s like in Weiss’ dream, the girl who barely tolerates his existence at this point.

On a serious note, I realised that without the whole bully arc, Jaune doesn’t really get to do anything. His contribution in the initiation test was small, and the rest of his team already has defeating his Nightmare on their list of accomplishments. I think that’s one of the reasons they chose to include him in the 3rd attempt, so he doesn’t seem completely useless and can actually make minor contributions on the rare occasion. Plus, and I said this during the sub reactions, I knew he wasn’t going to do much compared to the girls anyway, the boy has no training and barely any combat experience, so I knew he wasn’t going to steal the show from the infinitely more competent Team RWBY.

[haliyam]

No matter what

eren x historia; yeager bro moments (or zeke wishes lol)

Summary: The time has come for Marley to choose its new Warriors, and Eren has a decision to make. (Also, "some things never change.") Warriors AU for erehisu day.

AO3 link if you prefer to read there

--

Happy erehisu day! I saw this amazing erehisu art by beforelightsout on twitter where Eren and Historia are Warrior candidates + Eren became a shifter. Since it's erehisu day and everyone has come out with such wonderful stuff, I wanted to contribute somehow and write something for that AU. I've been dying of work and a covid scare so I was running on the fumes of my love for this ship and everyone else's stuff and also VIBES while writing this in the last hour, so, it's barely edited, if it even makes sense. Sorry in advance. I hope you enjoy though! 

Also, for this AU (or really for the fic to work lol), my headcanon is that the war keeping the previous Warriors dragged on, so Reiner's generation don't get selected until they're this age (Historia and Eren are 17). As for Zeke... idk. Maybe Mr. Ksaver had more time too. Anyway who cares about Zeke here!!! (me I still do)

No matter what

“You know this counts as cheating.”

Eren shoots Zeke a look. They’re standing at the courtyard in HQ, watching the younger candidates wheeze through their training while Magath and his assistant instructors bark orders in the background. Days before selection, and with Zeke already holding the Beast Titan and Colt preparing to inherit, their generation doesn’t need to be put through their paces as often anymore—or maybe Commander Bruning is just letting them off the hook for the week.

They both doubt that. 

Up ahead, Falco trips over an unseen pebble, and Zeke sighs. 

“You don’t have to do this, you know?” he says, out of misplaced brotherly affection. Eren appreciates it, but that’s not what he needs right now. “You already have the armband.”

“This isn’t about me.”

“I know,” Zeke raises his hands in surrender, but the playful gesture doesn’t take away the scrutiny in his gaze. For all his levity, he doesn’t once glance away. Eren knows he’s seeing their father in him, trying to decide whether that’s a positive or a negative. 

“So?”

Zeke scratches the back of his ear. “You already know you’re in the running for the Attack Titan and the Armored Titan. Porco and Reiner are on your heels for the Armor. As for the Attack Titan…”

Zeke tilts his head in a shrug. Eren exhales, and then nods. “Thanks.”

His brother peers at him, a small smile curling at the corners of his mouth. “Thanks what?”

Eren is grateful, reassured, but not that grateful. “What am I, ten? I’m not calling you big bro.”

Zeke lets out a long-suffering sigh this time, the kind he uses to guilt trip the others into helping him with paperwork at his age. “You used to be such a cute kid.” He’s quick enough to reach over and ruffle Eren’s hair, and then withdraw before he can smack his hand away. “Now you’re all grown up.”

Eren rolls his eyes, but claps a hand to his brother’s arm in earnest. “Thanks, Zeke.”

The man gives him a thumbs up, and Eren belatedly catches a sliver of gold pass one of the windows behind the courtyard ahead of the other girls. His feet take him forward before he can bid his brother goodbye.

“Go on,” Zeke says, right as Eren catches himself almost sheepishly. He goes to her without another thought.

--

There’s no big to-do when it comes to the selection process. Apart from their generation of candidates, there’s only Zeke, standing to the side with the other instructors who assist the captain, while Magath and Commander Bruning themselves stand together, as imposing as the day they first met.

Maybe a little less now that they’ve earned their stripes, training for a decade with the extension of the war in the South, but Eren can feel the pressure of this moment bearing down on him. 

The others have been chosen. They stand at the other side of the room, putting on their most dignified expressions and trying to contain their shock at their commander’s question. 

“There remain two Titans, Eren Yeager,” said Commander Bruning seconds, maybe a minute ago. Eren’s mind is still reeling. “Which of them, in your estimation, best suits you?”

“Me, sir?” he had asked dumbly in response. Bruning had only nodded.

It isn’t supposed to happen like this. From the group ready to receive their red armbands, he feels Marcel’s eyes burning into his side. Marcel, who was pulled aside by Magath and Bruning earlier today. Eren expected the same treatment—not this. Is this a test? 

Porco and Reiner stand to his left, behind him because he’s stepped forward, and he feels hazel daggers ready to strike at his back. He doesn’t care about them right now. It’s the blue to his right that envelops his all. The air is replete with Historia’s expectation, drowning out all the others in the room. He feels weightless in it, a drop in the ocean that is her existence to him. 

Eren knows he could be more. If he gives the right answer, she might just see him as more.

But Historia isn’t the ocean to these people. She’s a tool, or she could be, and he cannot let that happen. Eren remembers the ground under his feet and peers into the commander’s eyes.

“If I may, sir, I believe Braun has always had the most endurance among the candidates,” he says clearly, just like he’s rehearsed with Marcel. He tries not to imagine the way Historia’s stomach drops. “Nowadays he takes Leonhart’s hits like they’re almost nothing. And for myself—I’ve come to specialize in close quarters combat. The Attack Titan would suit me best.”

Reiner sighs in relief not far from him. Porco and Historia are utterly silent. He can’t even hear them breathing.

Bruning and Magath seem not to notice. They only exchange glances, and if they think anything of Eren answering more than what was asked of him, they say nothing. 

After a few nods, Bruning turns toward them with pride. “It’s as we thought. I see no reason why we should delay for pointless suspense or further deliberation.” With a small motion of the commander’s hand, Reiner steps forward. “Congratulations, Yeager. Braun. You have earned the honor of becoming the new sword and shield of our great motherland Marley.”

--

The room erupts with excitement as soon as the Marleyans are surely gone from the hallway. Eren is already headed for the door when Porco tries to grab him by the shoulder.

“Eren, what the hell? You know this asshole isn’t better than me!”

Reiner sneers at him from behind before Eren can even shrug him off. “Apparently the brass knew different, Pock. Don’t take it out on Eren—he only affirmed what they were already thinking.”

Porco growls, turning on Reiner instead, which means it’s going to be one of those afternoons. Eren is happy to turn back for the door—he feels bright blue trained on him now, and it’s all he can do not to scamper for the exit.

Clutching the cigarette pack in his uniform pocket, he manages to get as far as two floors down before Historia catches up. She’s been calling out to him since she gave chase.

“Hey!” she yells. He was stupid to head for their usual spot. There’s a corridor in this building that’s gone unused for a while that they found, once, when it was their turn for cleaning duty. It’s been theirs since then, and one of the windows has the best view of the city right outside the internment zone’s walls—and the zone entrance itself. So they don’t forget what they’re supposed to do. 

“Eren!”

She’s starting to lose her breath, unable to match his longer strides. His footsteps start to slow, right as they reach that window. He turns around when hers stop too.

Hands still in his pockets, he stares down at her. “What is it?”

Historia glares at him, dignified even as she tries to catch her breath. “What the hell are you doing?”

Eren fishes out the cigarette pack from his pocket and shows her. It’s really Zeke’s, but he figured he’d need it after today. He isn’t wrong. 

She scoffs. “Since when do you smoke?”

“I’m going to be a shifter,” he shrugs. “It doesn’t matter much now, right?”

Historia shakes her head, smart enough to ignore the diversion. “Eren, what the hell was that? I thought… I thought we understood each other.” Always to the point. “I thought you and I would become Warriors together. Change things from the inside and convince the others to do the same.”

The truth of her confusion, her frustration and growing anger pulls at him. She’s everything she didn’t used to be, back when she was still playing the perfect little Warrior who unnerved him so much. It’s exactly why he needs to keep a straight face. 

“Ah… yeah. Sorry about that,” he murmurs, his tone completely level, fingers pinching at the cigarette pack in his fist. “I just gave it some thought, and… I think Reiner would be better as the Armor, not me. So—that left me as the Attack Titan.”

The pain in her eyes is almost too much for him. If only they were cold, just like she’d been the moment he saw her true self for the first time. That way he could crystallize himself in them and shatter instead of having to face her like this. But she hasn’t been cold for a long while, and the warmth in her gaze even after his betrayal does him in. 

“You’re lying,” she realizes the moment his gaze flickers away from hers. Eren curses himself for it. “You once said you could always tell when I was being fake. You think, after everything we’ve been through, that I wouldn’t know it with you either?”

Eren bites his tongue and forces himself to meet those eyes again. He reminds himself why he did it. It’s all that keeps his hands steady as he carelessly flicks the cigarette pack open and reaches for a stick. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Historia swipes her hand at his, knocking the pack from his grasp. It hits the ground with a pathetic smack. “Don’t lie to me, Eren!” she says, pleads even when she’s angry, because they’re friends, aren’t they? If only that were all she is. “You know I deserve more than that. Why are you doing this!? We were going to become Warriors together. We were supposed to have thirteen years together!”

She’s free to vent her frustrations in the hallway like they always have with each other, voice shaky and shakier still as the grief escapes her. By the time she mentions that number, Historia is on the verge of tears, but she blinks them away with the fury that remains. How unlike him, who wants to fold more than anything, feeling like the slightest breeze, the slightest word from her can knock him over. He can only stare at the ground as he swallows down the emotion rising in his throat, and that’s when he realizes it. She’s right, like she always is. He can’t stand lying to her. 

The prospect of having to utter his next words terrifies him more than the idea of paradise. But he manages it, because she deserves to know the truth.

“You know why,” he says, trembling only at the last word. Shamefully, face red with self-disgust, he lifts his eyes to hers, fearing the worst. 

She catches his meaning. Of course she does—she knows him best. He expects her to leap at him, punch him, anything that will make the guilt of his selfishness ebb even just a little, but she only stands there. Shocked, and then her cheeks flush in only the most beautiful way. He already knows he’ll never forget how the light from the windows illuminates her face like this.

But then her brows furrow, shoulders raising angrily, and she stomps her foot on the ground. “Am I supposed to be grateful for that?” she snaps. “Should I say thank you for making this decision without me? What about what I wanted?”

“No!” Eren stammers, hands up in submission as if that will placate her. “Of course not! I didn’t do this for your gratitude!” 

“Then why did you do it?” Her voice is still raised, but her tone is resigned. Historia knows that even if she gets the answer, Marley’s decision is set in stone.

That’s the thought Eren takes comfort in. The tears that dampen his eyes are tears of relief, no matter his shame, no matter his remorse. And here he thought he’d grown out of this when he turned sixteen. 

Pressing his lips into his teeth in an attempt to maintain his composure, Eren lets his gaze drop again. “I want you to live,” he admits, so quietly she almost misses it. “I want you to grow up and have a family like you wished you could, if you weren’t pushed into this when we were children. Get married, have children you’re free to love the way…”

He trails off. The last thing he wants to do is mention her mother. He knows she understands when she doesn’t press him to finish.

“I want you to grow old,” he continues. “Live past thirty. Get to fifty, seventy… Then you can be as grumpy as you want to be without anyone saying it doesn’t suit you. I want you to be happy.”

A slight hiccup leaves his throat, one Historia misses only because she does the same. Eren swallows it down, but his nose is already stuffy. When he looks at her again, he’s the most serious he has ever been, and it’s no performance. He reaches for her hands. 

“I’m not prepared to sacrifice your life for our cause,” he confesses. Eren imagines he could bear never to look out that window and see the walls torn down, the way they’ve dreamt together for the past few years, if it means she will live to see it herself long after he’s gone. He’s not articulate enough to say it, his ears and his throat so full with everything he wants to tell her in this moment that he’s speechless. How can he be otherwise, when she’s looking at him like that? All he can blurt out is, “I’m sorry.”

A silence brews between them. Eren wonders if it’s time to step away, to leave her to her thoughts. Maybe he can still beg for forgiveness later.

He loosens his grip on her hands, meaning to wipe his eyes, and that’s when she seizes his. “You stupid crybaby,” she murmurs quietly, fondly, “do you really think I’d be happy knowing you sacrificed yourself for me? Why do you think I promised you that we’d complete our mission within the next thirteen years?”

Eren can only look dumbfounded. 

“I wanted to spend them with you, you idiot,” she gives him, even as her voice quivers with the same desperate longing he’s felt ache in his chest for as long as he can remember now. “I would have been happier spending thirteen years with you, fighting together, than sitting out the fight and living the rest of my life without you. Isn’t that what we agreed on? To work toward what we promised? Together? What did you think I meant by that?”

Eren opens his mouth, body drained of the cool facade he’s found solace in the last few weeks since he came to terms with his greed.

“Historia,” he breathes. Remembers to. “You—?”

She’s had enough of him, he can tell by the look on her face—but he’s wrong again, because Historia grabs him by the collar and pulls him down to her, meeting his mouth with hers in a bid to help him see the truth. His fingers find her face on instinct, lips parting as they kiss so he can partake of her further. 

A moment, a hum from her and something stirring deep inside him, and Historia pulls away as if in punishment. She’s flush again, glaring until those blue eyes soften at his stupid expression. 

“Get it yet?” she asks.

His thumbs slide across her cheek, a small grin pulling at his mouth. She really is the ocean, Eren thinks, and dives in again, drinking of those soft lips, drowning in the scent of her hair, the feeling of her hands sliding down his chest. She’s everything.

What feels like both a moment and an eon passes as they stand there, him bent down as he kisses her, her tiptoed to grant it to him, until they eventually part. Only a little, because they can’t bear the distance just yet. Just so their foreheads are pressed together.

“I’m sorry,” Eren murmurs, before he’s lost in her again. “I didn’t know.”

Historia’s lashes flutter as she blinks away her own tears. This doesn’t change the consequences of the decision he’s made on his own, but she knows she can’t give him up, either. When she opens her eyes, she’s more resolute than he’s ever felt in his life. “There has to be a way,” she tells him. “Go to Paradis. Retake the Founding Titan… and come back. Then we’ll do as we promised.”

“Change the curse,” he replies, like they’ve planned, looking out at the stars from his roof in the zone. “Free our people.”

Historia nods. “No matter what.”

“No matter what,” he agrees. 

She smiles, and he can’t help that the way her lips purse when she tries to stifle it moves him. Eren draws closer—

“There you are!”

—and nearly stumbles as he and Historia untangle their limbs from one another, practically standing at attention when they hear his brother’s voice and Marcel’s surprised ah.

Unfortunately, not even the most perfect posture can erase the affection still blooming in their cheeks, or the slight swell of their lips resulting from that affection. Or the smiles they just can’t help for one another.

Zeke squints. Also unfortunately, nothing gets past this asshole. “Oh, so it finally happened?”

Marcel glances between the two of them, coming closer. “Seriously?”

Zeke snorts, palm open to the new Jaw. “Pay up, Galliard.”

Marcel scoffs. “Come on. Is it really fair if you had inside information?”

“Are you kidding? My baby brother tells me squat.”

“Oh. Yeah, I mean I guess I understand that…”

Historia lets out a very audible sigh. “Can we help you?”

Marcel meets Eren’s gaze, gratitude and apology in his smile, while Zeke tries on his new Warchief role for size. He clears his throat.

“Now that Porco and Reiner have settled down, Bruning and Magath want to see us again. Discuss our steps going forward, run tests on the new Warriors… The works. Time to go.”

Marcel sighs. “Talk about eager.”

“All right,” Eren says, finally, because he prefers serious Zeke to his annoying brother right now. He feels vulnerable enough, and he doesn’t care to be that way in front of these two. Or anyone else but her, really. “Lead the way.”

Zeke and Marcel turn to leave, starting to argue the terms of their wager as they disappear around the corner.

Historia and Eren look to each other. A shy smile finds its way to his face as he offers her his hand. 

“By the way, Eren,” Zeke pokes his head into the corridor again, finger waving at the mess of sticks on the floor, “you owe me a new pack of cigarettes. And clean that up.”

Eren groans. “Shut up!”

“But that was my favorite brand! The things I do for love,” his brother whines, to Marcel’s quiet chuckling, and finally they leave for good. 

“Sorry about that,” Eren mutters. Not that Historia hasn’t seen him like this before.

She only laughs as she accepts his hand. When she shakes her head, smiling as she pulls him forward, he feels like they might actually do it. That they might be able to find a way past those thirteen years.

And even if they don’t, he can’t feel regret. As long as they’ve managed to accomplish their mission… No, as long as he can ensure that Historia lives on, he’ll pay any price.

No matter what.

//

I'll take any opportunity to give Marcel more screentime. Well, I actually debated with myself whether it would be Marcel or Bertholdt in the last scene, but Marcel made more sense so that Zeke could whine about being an older brother to someone who could relate. (And yes, Marcel and Eren made a deal to have Reiner become the Armor. I’M SORRY REINER)

Writing Eren's parts made me realize how much I'm in love with Historia??? Like I've always loved her but I guess I realized I'm IN love with her XD Also my hc is Eren here likes to think he's the strong one protecting them both or he at least likes to project that image to the others, but really he takes his cues from Historia who is much stronger emotionally and mentally imo. Idk, I just think she's the boss in this relationship (though of course they are able to be vulnerable with one another which is the biggest thing for me).

Anyway. Thank you for reading! Happy erehisu day!

P.S. I forgot to mention that 'Commander Bruning' in my hc is the guy who tells Magath that it's a good idea to use child soldiers as their Warriors. I imagine he was in charge of a certain number of Eldian soldiers, including the Warrior program, while Magath was the 'captain' who directly managed the kids until his and Bruning's eventual promotions when they were able to conquer nations with such success.

[rpbetter]

someone i rp with keeps sharing hcs about my own muses that don't fit with what i believe and every time i say i don't agree with that, that my hc about that situation is "whatever", they get kinda sulky, but its usually over small things like 'your muse has no fashion sense' and not big stuff (which i did shut down the second time they did bc it almost triggered me) so i don't know how to address the pattern without sounding like a bitch

Oh, no...I'm sorry to hear that, Anon! That is an uncomfortable situation right there!

I'm going to go ahead and preface the bad part here - if they're sulky about you correcting them like you've said, there is a high chance you're going to sound like a bitch to them. No matter what you do, I mean. No matter the reality of how politely you've addressed it, if they're viewing this in a negative light already, that's unlikely to change. They want to keep doing what they're doing, do not see the problem with it, and apparently, don't care how uncomfortable it is for you. Unfortunately probable that shutting them down is not going to be received well.

Just be aware that, while I'm going to try to combat that specifically in this suggestion, it is possible that it's going to happen anyway. Know that addressing it is the right choice regardless! The way you're feeling is not okay, it needs to be addressed, and preferably before they do make you so uncomfortable and frustrated that you stop caring about how you come off to them. In the end, the variable in how one is perceived is important, and that variable is always the person on the other end and their particular attitude, biases, and so forth. At some point, you have to say that you approached it reasonably, maturely, and politely...the rest is up to them, out of your hands.

What I'm saying is that if they want to be pissed off at you and take it the wrong way? You did your best, you're not being a bitch, and you have a right to have an issue with this behavior of theirs. If they freak out about it, they're someone you're better off losing.

Alright, so, since it's expressly part of the concern you have that you don't want to sound bitchy, let's try to concentrate on that!

A good way to subvert that idea is to try to make it clear how this is making you feel. Make this the basis of why it is a problem. Remain positive sounding but honest about it.

So, let's say, you want to say something like, "it really pisses me off when you make stupid headcanons about my character, you're making me so fucking uncomfortable with this, stop." True, but not positive. Likely to make them defensive and to hurt their feelings (as it's also possible that they're doing this because they want to be really into your character and you, despite all the full irony of clearly not knowing jack about your character).

Instead, try something like this:

"Hey! I need to talk to you about something." If they're not online currently, consider adding a respectful, "It's important, so, I'm going to just leave it for you to respond to whenever you have time. Hope that's alright, I'm not trying to stress you out or anything!"

- Then, you can proceed to the problem.

"I really appreciate that you are so into my muse that you want to create headcanons for them, that's a nice thought. It's a problem for me, though. I don't want this to come off the wrong way, which is why I haven't said much about this before. I'm sorry if I gave you the impression that it was something I was comfortable with, I was just worried about hurting your feelings."

- Even if you don't entirely feel this way, you're not lying...this was a concern, you didn't want to come off hateful to them, a thing undoubtedly making you even more uncomfortable, putting you in a worse position. By phrasing it in a way like this, you're heading off ideas about being unappreciative (of something you didn't want lol I know, but people have weird ideas) and callous. Instead, expressing concern for how they feel and appreciation that they're this interested in your muse and being a part of your creativity - we just want them to keep it to the threads, and, hopefully, they're not also into godmoding.

"It is really uncomfortable for me, though. This is my muse, I'm pretty invested in them, and I don't want other people writing their headcanons. They've been inaccurate before, and at least once, I did have to say something to you because it was close to triggering for me. It's not always that serious, but it can be offensive in some of the ways these headcanons are inaccurate. Those are important parts of my muse, no matter how small or silly seeming they are. It's a little hurtful, and I'm not going to lie, makes me a bit upset to think that you don't care when I've tried to talk to you about this before."

- Alright, you've told them how you feel, but were not hateful about it. Now, give them the desired outcome and more honesty, avoid coming off as giving them an ultimatum - even if you are. Because you absolutely are, just politely.

"Anyway, I appreciate having you as a writing partner and am happy that you are interested in my muse, but I can't feel this uncomfortable all the time. I think maybe we just weren't addressing it as directly as we should have been? Sorry again if I wasn't clear enough or anything. Could you please stop writing these headcanons? If there is a headcanon topic you are interested in, I would love to write it, just let me know next time and I'll do that! We can create things together that way, and in what we're writing together. Otherwise, I really do need to be the one doing the development on my muse to feel comfortable. I hope you understand!"

- You've said a couple of times politely that you need them to stop this, if it doesn't stop, they'll have to go, while reiterating this is personal comfort problem for you. You appreciate what they're trying to do here, but it's got to stop. There is an acceptable alternative that has been offered in having them send you a topic for a HC instead, as well as a reminder that you are involved in creating something together in your interactions.

Just, you know, make it sound like you, not me! Take those points and write them out in your own way, use it for inspiration as to how to discuss this.

Now, either they're going to stop...or they're not. Them being kind of "whatever" about you having an issue with this is concerning. As in, I think they're likely to not stop it. However, you've at least laid down the problem, offered solutions, and told them it's not a situation you're willing to continue dealing with. So, if/when they do it again, you can feel a bit better about either dropping them or messaging them with a, "hey, we've talked about this, it isn't cool. If you do this again, that's it. I'll have to unfollow." They've made their choice, you're not the one in the wrong here.

Total honesty, Anon? I'd be annoyed enough to drop them at this point lol so you already have more patience than I do!

Yeah, they're not unlikely to feel you're being "controlling," but that's outrageous. Look, it's your muse. That means your muse to create and/or develop as you, and only you, see fit. Other muns and muses can/do/should contribute to our characters' development, but they don't do it by overstepping like this mun is. They do it with conversations you have together about the muses and by writing with you, not by writing your muse for you.

I think, sometimes, muns feel strangely entitled to a muse because we're so used to picking up the fiction of others and running with it (canon muses and universes, fic, fanart, etc.). Don't ask me why anyone would think it was appropriate to rewrite what you've either picked up in this way or created entirely yourself lol it's just an observance. I know I've experienced it on muses canon and OC alike, and there is this attitude that I don't want to share or something? Okay, when that original fiction is published, if you want to RP as my OC, go for it. Alright, if you want to write this canon your way, no one's stopping you, but this is the way I'm writing them.

Nothing about that is unreasonable! Even if it is a canon, that's still your unique take on them, it isn't okay to do this. The only time it's alright to make a HC for someone else's muse is when you've come to them and asked if something discussed in jest or just casually about the thread (maybe an event we didn't see play out, as an example) can be HCed by you. If something like that happens, and they accept happily? Great! Totally acceptable and normal thing that happens in RP!

This is...not.

Again, I'm really sorry you're experiencing this! I wish you the best of luck, it's a tricky situation, and it doesn't sound like they're a particularly caring person. More like they have a real self-interest problem going on.

Hope for the best, expect something less than that, but don't let it impact your tone when addressing it. If they get irrationally upset at you for politely asking them, yet another time, to stop doing this, get rid of them, Anon. No one deserves infinite chances, and you deserve to enjoy your RP!

[hairlossforum]

hair loss forum

My True story

Like many of you, I'm also a victim of hair loss.....

More and more Singaporean men are losing their'crowns of glory'and this trend may be getting earlier and earlier.On the streets in these recent years, we might spot a comparatively amount of teenage boys who're bald or balding. Compare this phenomenon to state ten years ago when this phenomenon is not commonly seen.

This balding trend among Singaporean men is sparking an increasing proliferation of hair treatment centres. Hair treatment centres have practically sprung up all around the island with famous brands Beijing 101, Yunnan, Svenson, Bossin, etc. Factors behind hair loss can be hereditary, or due to stress, drug medications, poor diets, oily scalp etc and these causes manifest into the many forms or types of hair loss forum such as for instance male pattern baldness, telogen effluvium, alopecia areata, etc. A standard human loses about 50 to 100 hairs daily and this loss is not alarming.

However if more than this number is lost daily, one should seek a physician before it's too late.Hair grows from follicles, and if one balds and takes no actions, the follicles could eventually die and there will be you can forget growth. It will undoubtedly be too late for just about any action. Note that after I say bald, normally a human will not go totally bald, the follicles at the sides of the human scalp, the parts above the years are programmed for a lifetime, and hair grows for a lifetime at these particular areas. Balding follows a design referred to as the Norwood chart. You can find three stages of hair growth: anagen (the growing phase), catagen (the intermediate phase) and telogen (the shedding phase). Hair thinning occurs when the hair grows and sheds fast.

The common life cycle of a hair is 2 to 3 years and each hair growth to fall can last 25 cycles, balding occurs when these cycles are accelerated and completed so fast that the cycles end, the follicles dies off and the hair cannot grow back again. I realize in this post, there are numerous jargons and technical terms which can be used. The net provides a rich variety of resources for which can research thorough and understand more about hair loss. In this post, I'll just roughly summarize what I realize and experience about hair loss from my studies and individual personal experiences.In yesteryear, I have very thick volumes of hair so much in order that I complained about having to go to the barber often as my hair grows so fast. Showering, there could be no hair lost as my hair is so strong. Carrying out a medical treatment some couple of years ago from a supposedly reputable clinic and consuming the drug nimigen, I notice hair loss, my hair shed in the dozens on the bed and at the bathtub sinks daily so much in order that I stopped taking this drug nimigen and stop the laser treatments.

During the consumption of nimigen, my complexion becomes too dry as it is meant to stop facial oiliness but it overdoes. Till today, I still don't know the actual reason for my hair loss though I believe it's to do significantly with the laser treatment and the consumption of nimigen. On hindsight, I shall not have carried out with the procedure and the consumption of the medicine and this doctor still asked his nurses to force me back to keep with the rest of the treatments and at the same time frame, refuting all my allegations squarely. I spent near to $3K only to lose even more. Anyway that is yesteryear already and nothing can be achieved to turn back the clock. What I do want to share with readers listed below are my experiences and what I have experienced to combat hair loss and hopefully it can provide some useful glimpses or lessons to those who find themselves currently experiencing hair loss.Okay for the start, I first stopped all the causes that I believe have contributed to my hair loss and that is to discontinue with the medical treatments and the nimigen consumption. But even with that, two months in the future, the hair loss forum doesn't subside, so it absolutely was time to take some real actions.

On the internet, I stumbled on learnt of two drugs called Propecia, an oral medication, costing about $95 dollars at that time for 28 pills, to be taken one pill a day; and a topical hair spray called minoxidil (called Regaine, Rogaine, Growell, etc in the market) also at a $95 for just one bottle that may last a month.I visited a physician and was prescribed Propecia, taking one pill a day for three months, and I stopped.

Why do I stop? Firstly, there was no improvement and secondly, I started to have the thing that was mentioned as the medial side effects with this drug, i.e. I commence to feel less manly, although it was a minor side effect that the drug claimed and that it affect merely a small percentage of users. With these two factors, I stopped applying this drug and the less- than- manly feeling, which was temporary finally subsided. I did not use Minoxidil, as I also learnt of its negative effects too. I do want to list down the possible side ramifications of these two drugs here:Propecia: Insufficient'manliness'Minoxidil: Increase scalp sensitivity, itchiness, dandruff, increase sensitivity to the sun. And the main drawback of these two scientific proven drugs is that when you stop using these two drugs, whatever new hair that you have grow will fall again! Thus these two drugs should be useful for life! Imagine the cost involved to maintain these newly formed hair: $100 (for each one of these treatments per month), this amount translates to $1200 and more annually, and so on......

So after ending the utilization of the Propecia, I started to explore natural means of cure. One method that I looked at was using mild shampoo like Johnson Baby Shampoo, however its mild concentration was not strong enough to clear the oilness of my scalp. My hair loss may be as a result of oiliness and dandruff as I did so notice these symptoms like dandruff on my pillow.

So I decided to explore assistance from professionals and there was a vast variety of choices from the dermatogists and hair treatment centres. I visited one such hair treatment centre for a free consultation and these'professionals'scanned my hair, only to reveal many patches of oil and these'professionals'introduced me an offer to clear my scalp greasiness. The package cost a bomb and I did not just like the pushiness of those professional in introducing these packages to me. Also I have heard many stories of men and women having spent more than $10,000 on these supposedly good cures only to lose a lot more hair or having no improvement seen, besides wasting their hard-earned money! Thus, hair treatment centres scared me off when this occurs and I decided to consult a premier hair dermatologist in Singapore instead. It was not cheap. First consultation alone cost $80. The dermatologist inspected my hair and said there was nothing wrong. She prescribed me with two shampoo, Nizoral ($25) and a Gentle Shampoo ($21) to be rotated interchangeably daily and a sebum regulator to be applied on the scalp during the night after washing ($18). However, there was still no improvement.

Actually, the residue from the sebum regulator produced tiny sticky white residue on my hair once my hair dried to the extent that my colleagues thought my hair had dandruff. Anyway my hair was still very oily and coated with some dandruff too, despite applying the supposedly strong and beneficial shampoos that the utmost effective dermatologist prescribed. I confirmed this fact when I popped into one of the hair treatment centre at a shopping centre for curiosity and did a free consultation with the centre. The'scanner'that the centre operators used magnified my scalp glands often over, revealing the oily spots, it certainly look disgusting with this kind of hundred times over magnification of the sebaceous scalp glands. The operators said my scalp glands were choked with oil, and this might cause hair loss; but I did not want to take any chance with this specific centre and off I left. I went for another consultation with the dermatologist I saw previously. Again, the dermatologist said there was nothing wrong with my hair or with my scalp and the outcomes from the'hair-pull'test she carried out on me revealed no extraordinary hair loss.

After hearing the story of the medical treatment I did so and the drug nimigen I consumed, she suspected that it might be telogen effluvium due to the medication, a condition which could only disappear in times to come; though my oily scalp might be a contributing factor too. She told me that she could not do anything except to simply help me diagnose the explanation for my hair loss via a scalp biopsy ($589) and a blood test ($169); all price stated without GST. Hearing the costs, I hesitated however in a desire to find out the actual cause, I decided to take the plunge and carried out the scalp biopsy and the blood test.I did the blood test first and the pain was nothing compared to the scalp biopsy I undergone later on. It had been no joke, having an item of your mind scalp being removed surgically and the pain was terrible despite the applying of anaesthetics prior to the treatment. After both the tests, the nurse rubbed a Bactroban cream on the element of my scalp which was operated on to kill the bacteria; after sewing this area of the scalp. There is still little pain that subsisted every time I shampoo the sewn area of the scalp. I was told to come back fourteen days later to get rid of the stitch and to acquire the outcomes of the diagnosis. I was handed the rest of the of the Bactroban cream to utilize daily on the affected scalp to help ease the pain and kill the bacteria. Fourteen days later, I returned to the same clinic to get rid of the stitch and the dermatologist handed me the effect; and the effect indicated that it was telogen effluvium.

The dermatologist said it absolutely was good news as this disorder which might be as a result of medication I took would finally subside after some time. I could be looking forward to this to come soon.But alas, days pass and then months, it absolutely was futile. Seeing tons and a great deal of hair on the bathroom sink and waking up everyday to witness the a huge selection of hair strewn across my bed and on my bedroom floor did nothing to assuage me that my illness would go away. The visits to the dermatologist have drained me financially and in a desperate move, I decided to try out some off-the-counter hair loss products offered at pharmacies. I tried the Himalyan Hair Loss Cream (Herbal) for around 30 days but it absolutely was useless so I visited see the dermatologist again for the fourth and fifth time (that was in April and May last year), but again the dermatologist assessed and said there was nothing wrong with my hair, no male pattern loss or whatever. But indeed, my hair was getting thinner and thinner by the day.

[kpopgerapitico]

Song of the Week

I worked on this for like 20 minutes, and then Tumblr ate it. I’m minorly livid about it. Now to rewrite.

Honorable Mentions:

For something distinctly trippy and cool, look to GOND with Hotel Room, a synthy rap track that uses its synths just as importantly as the distinct silences peppered throughout the track. The raps are solid, the autotune makes perfect sense, and the music only chorus takes the themes and expands. There are surprises every verse in the best way. This is avant garde in music form.

Park Seo Joon sighting, ft. an actress I recognize but annoyingly cannot place.

Please listen to Jo Gwangil, I need everyone to discover him. His flow is so so so damn good. He does rap about pretty dark stuff, like so dark that Depersonalization has a warning on the beginning about imagery. But he feels raw and honest in a way I haven’t heard as much recently, and he does while creating like 90% of a songs rhythm from his own mouth. This track has a bit more from that point of view, but is still fairly sparse, and has sections that are nearly empty besides his voice. P.S, if you are easily squeamish, there is a clean version. Sadly, both versions are pretty flashy, so be aware if you are photo sensitive.

And now for a new segment, idol roundup, where I mention every single idol I watch, in the hopes of remembering for myself as well as catching when I miss ones that don’t go to the compilation channels. The girls got shafted this week for sets.

- Only You by Saturday. This sounds and looks like a b-side. Sweet bubble gum pop I have negative interest in.

- X by Chungha. X feels very different for Chungha, but makes sense for a female soloist in K-pop.

- Lemon Candy by Pink Fantasy: I don’t find anything particularly special or interesting about this, but it’s fine.

- Love So Sweet - Cherry Bullet: I get why people like Cherry Bullet a little bit more, but I like the first verse more than the whole rest of the song.

- No diggity by ONEUS: It’s fine, but it doesn’t draw me in the same way as some of their other tracks have. Also it kind of looks like they took like every VIXX video and said, “we’ll use them all” for the visual concept.

- My Turn by Cravity: This is what happens when your company seems Stray Kids and NCT and decides that success is the average of the 2. I still don’t know what Cravity’s sound is.

I have many words to say about U-Know’s Thank U. But before I get carried away about the video, let’s address the song. It is sexy and cool and instantly recognizable as Yunho. TVXQ is the only group I can think of who have an overarching discography between that not only sounds cohesive, but still manages to have distinctive and obvious differences between each solo effort and the pair as a duo. You know this is a TVXQ member’s track right away, while also knowing it is specifically Yunho’s through some magic of consistency. And this video is so damn good. It is plot driven in the year 2021 of our lord, with a plot that doesn’t require reading a primer by a fan who is way more into this stuff than you to understand. Yunho not only has multiple wonderful set piece stunt fights (that seem to all actually be him, or at least a majority) but also dances that come from those same scenes? And mostly fit the vibe? Not to mention the frankly stunning visuals. Honestly, you could write a paper about this 7 minute MV and get credit in a film studies class. I hope that this means that post army Yunho will get an action movie/drama role (hopefully his acting has improved while he was in the army; god knows it couldn’t get worse). Anyways, go watch and listen and enjoy the power of experience.

Subtle and sweet was not the sound I expected from an Epik High comeback, but that’s what Based on a True Story is. Heize sounds great, and the beat feels different for Epik High in the best way, especially with the orchestral backing. The accordion is a nice touch. Rosario on the other hand makes absolute sense for them. It again sits on a slightly different beat for Epik High, which is always a great thing to hear from them, and has incredible verses from Tablo, Mithra Jin and Zico, as well as a great chorus from CL. If you want the full effect, you probably should spend some time with Born Hater first, because Rosario feels like a lyrical successor, and more obviously a visual and spiritual successor. Epik High has always made great collabs, but this pair fit into the same theme. They are all a response to a specific type of hate. Born Hater is about people complaining about people being overrated/untalented. Hell, there is a reference to Zico in it by Mino (an apt call out at the time). Rosario is a response to the title of has-been, and a bit the idea of current idols paving the way. Having Epik High, CL and Zico in a room puts that even more into perspective, as all of them are known for their contributions in one way or another. Epik High are hugely popular and well known rappers to basically anyone who isn’t just an idol fan. CL has proven that you can be a female rapper who goes solo and still kills the game. And Zico is the first truly successful idol producer. All of them have made huge contributions to the Korean music industry, but are often ignored by younger fans who don’t know their history. Well, here’s a place to learn it.

Short aside: Tablo’s verses are so damn well written basically always, that even the translations have to work hard on them. And I bet they miss out some of the subtleties. Also, his verse in Rosario is the only one that combats a different issue, definitely turn on subtitles for it.

Both Thank U and Rosario are important to me for different reasons, and they both win.

[astrologysvt]

Chart First Impressions - Vernon

For more SVT astrology posts, follow my blog! Check out my masterlist to see all the readings I’ve done so far and what I’ve got coming up! 💫

This is just a very general reading of the member’s charts — the parts that popped out to me, things I personally liked, things I thought were interesting or contrary to the image I have of them. I’m not looking at anything in particular with each reading. Some of their readings may be more aspect focused, where some may just focus solely on their personal planets and their signs. If you have any questions on specific aspects or want to request a more specific reading, feel free to send me an ask!

two aquarians down, one more to go. 

so i do feel the need to explain why i’m not here arguing why i think vernon or even dk may be either a pisces/aquarius sun.

(tho tbh if either of them were to lean towards pisces, i think it’d be vernon). 

but really for me it just comes down to the fact they feel very clearly aquarian.

with woozi, his energies were a lot more vague/muddled and harder to organize where as it’s a lot simpler and cleaner a break with these two aqua/pisces cusps. 

generally, aqua and pisces influences feel very different to me. 

for me to consider them more pisces, i would be looking for them to appear much more yielding within a group and i don’t get that sense.

i’d also be looking for a certain degree of people-pleasing, or at least a strong courtesy towards how they contribute to the room’s energy. an aqua wouldn’t be as conscientious of this. they may be aware of it, but they wont let themselves be inhibited by it. where as a pisces would be hyper aware of this and very cautious. 

not only that, but i’m not looking charts that would be void of explanation on either sign/element’s influence if they leaned either way. 

woozi had no other scorpio in his chart if his sun wasn’t in scorpio.

where as with vernon, regardless of whether he’s an aqua or pisces sun, he’s still got a strong aqua and pisces influence in his chart to begin with so his reading wouldn’t be drastically different if he turned out to be a pisces sun. 

similar with dk, where as his cancer influence in tandem with his aqua and libra would make it so the rest of his reading wouldn’t be horribly compromised. 

if either one of them were to end up being a pisces sun, my reading of them would still be very similar just reorganized.

where as with jihoon, it was an entirely different story. 

so it’s a mixture of pisces and aquas being a lot easier to differentiate than sag/scorpio, and also their charts having both influences in their other personal planets that i’m not too stressed about figuring their suns out. 

but lets focus back on vernon. 

his sun and mercury is in aqua. 

i think vernon exemplifies exactly what i expect with an aquarius — like picture perfect artsy-brand aquarius. 

his style (for one) has been so clearly created by him without any regard with what everyone else is doing. 

and i think this is an important distinction to make with aquarians. 

a lot of people like to think that aquarians like to be contrary for the sake of being contrary, and tbh i do know enough aquarians to know that sometimes that IS the case (but i dunno i think they just like messing with me) 

but i do genuinely believe that when it comes to art and their work, the stuff that they do is genuinely so unique and out there because that’s just how their mind’s work. 

for example, if you’re looking at a painting you’re generally going to focus on the focal points of them. the subject, the name of the painting, the artist, maybe context if ur interested. you’re going to take the evidence given to you to try and form a linear narrative. you’re going to focus on what you think the painter wants you to notice. 

whereas an aquarius is naturally drawn elsewhere, maybe the background. maybe they’re noticing how it looks with the other paintings around it, or how the light is hitting it. maybe their placing the painting in a wild alternative universe and creating a story around it. 

they’re less concerned with building a narrative around what the painter is trying to show, and is more concerned with finding new, uncovered things about it. 

and that’s kinda a very vague glimpse into how aquarians build these crazy alternative worlds and perspectives they live in. 

aquarians are a very progressive sign, this is certainly because they have a strong set of principles that lean very humanitarian. 

but it’s also because they simply hate whatever may threaten one’s ability to exert autonomy over themselves, their expression, and how people perceive/treat them. 

whether it’s them personally, or generally, or symbolically. 

i don’t think it’s a direct correlation (like he thinks this way because he’s an aquarian) but when he was on happy together and they were talking about how his korean was very good and he was like “i mean, i AM korean.” 

this is a very aquarian thing to want to blur the lines, and encourage people around them too approach these potentially hard to understand concepts simply and a matter-of-factly. 

(tho i think in this specific instance he was really just combating the perception that he was more foreign to the MCs than he actually was).

anyway, back to aquas being lovable weirdos. 

i like to think that the many ways aquas like to present themselves isn’t just for show/for the sake of being different. 

sometimes it certainly takes a very physical/in your face form such as with fashion, but i like to think that they dress and act the way they do because they like being in the state of opposition and friction. 

by having this imagine of themselves reflected back to them in how drastically different the other side is, that is something that both gives them excitement as well as a sense of comfort through purpose and identity. 

they like sticking out because it’s a declaration of their character. 

not only that, but they love the ease of just doing what they want without having to think or feel the weight of “what is everyone else going to think?” 

that freedom is very important to them. 

how interesting is it tho that we’ve got two aqua suns with water moons?? 

vernon’s scorpio moon is gonna be VERY different from dk’s cancer moon. 

as social as an aqua can be in concept, they can really and honestly go either way. 

either they are the popular kid whose in every extracurricular and is student council president, or they’re the kid sitting in the corner who just doodles all day in class. 

you throw in a scorpio moon and it really makes him a pretty solitary guy. 

extreme lone wolf vibes. 

he likes being by himself, and it’s partially cuz the world is loud and his mind is entertaining in and of itself, and partially him being an incredibly independent and self-sufficient person. 

he’s got the least social chart in all of seventeen, and any anti-social behaviors he may have simply come from the fact that looking outwards to others is not in his immediate logic. 

it’s not in his muscle memory. 

if he gets excited about a project, he’s probably going to lock himself up in his room and burry himself in it, as opposed to getting others involved.

“i need to get something? great i can leave right now.”

he doesn’t think to ask others if they wanna go because they aren’t a part of his immediate checklist that’s integral to his day/wellbeing. 

his energies churn inwardly, and this is also why you find him just sitting around staring into space. 

not because he doesn’t want to talk to people or doesn’t care about people, but because he’s very comfortable living in his mind and simply doesn’t care to experiment too much with his immediate effect on the world around him. 

you take someone like jun who has so much energy bubbling in him, he can’t help but start doing things just to see what will happen and how people will react. 

vernon may have a similar curiosity, but it’s much more imaginative, abstract, and isolated. he can play out those scenarios in his mind. 

and this has many facets to it: his aqua influence makes him inventive and original in his thoughts where he as absolutely no shortage of daydream material. you throw in that pisces mars that is half daydreaming all the time, and that scorpio moon that makes him very intentionally reserved/independent and you’ve got vernon. 

so vernon’s scorpio moon is everything we’ve talked about before about water moons: empathetic, intuitive, sensitive. 

i think his scorpio moon is more interesting because of the darkness that a scorpio influence implies. 

there’s a alarming depth from where his emotions rise from, which is surprising considering how chill he seems outwardly. 

when it comes to his emotions, whatever it is, he wants them unabashed and unfiltered. no shame whatsoever. 

this is due to his scorpio influence’s desire for authenticity, but also his aqua influence’s deep dislike for the superficial. 

this would make him very discerning and generally pretty good at knowing when someone is trying to manipulate him, though his pisces mars may confuse him here and there. 

he’d really be great for any deep, wild, out-there, maybe even taboo conversations you may wanna have. 

pretty much anything would be on the table.

this is because his aqua influence would be prepared to entertain anything and everything, and is equally prepared take it seriously as you do.  

while his scorpio moon isn’t particularly afraid of whatever you may bring up, and is pretty attracted to the more out-there topics. 

it’d honestly just take a lot to really freak him out, and he’s really just open/excited to entertain any random idea you may have. 

even if he reacts viscerally or even negatively, he’s still very slow to write something off. 

his scorpio moon is sextile his cap venus

this softens his chart up a little bit, may mellow out his out-there qualities and give him a greater appreciation for more classy & romantic things. 

this makes him more fluid in his interactions with people than his forthright aqua and unyielding scorpio may connote. 

wonwoo has this same aspect, too, actually. 

this would make him much more dynamic and flexible in how he expresses/receives affection. 

would certainly also make him a lot more dedicated and stable in relationships than a aqua/pisces influence may imply where normally aqua wants independence and pisces may not be as present. 

then you also have his scoprio moon trine pisces mars.

this is the aspect that really turns this chart upside down on it’s head imo. 

aqua, scorpio, cap? they sound ready to fight at the drop of the hat. 

but you have water meeting water in this trine, and this very seamless exchange of energies between emotion and action really turns him into this amazing peace-keeper because of how level-headed it makes him.

i think i remember they were talking in svt club about how vernon never gets angry, and if he gets angry it’s probably because other people are fighting and he’s like. 

“i don’t get this. why?” 

this is because he really doesn’t understand how people can get so swept by emotion that they’d start arguing with each other. 

and he feels this way because, with a harmonious aspect between moon and mars, energy flows through him incredibly smoothy and easily. 

good, bad, sad, excited. all that fun stuff flows through him and doesn’t experience much of a road block, and so with that he’s not only very familiar with the passing of these emotions, but he’s able to process and regulate them pretty easily without trying. 

this would make him that excitable, expressive, reactive vernon we know and love because the emotions just flow through him. 

but this would also mean that, because of that, he understands how to ride the waves of his emotions so that they don’t end up sweeping him in their undercurrent. 

so when people do get into these heated arguments, he struggles to understand why they’d handle it in certain ways. 

with that being said, he does have his moon square mercury which means he isn’t the BEST at communicating his thoughts on this matter. 

he wants to so badly to put everything he feels into comprehensible words and concepts because of his aqua mercury. 

but that aqua mercury may make his viewing/expression too far reaching to understand, while his scorpio moon may make his emotions hard to grasp and translate in the first place. 

at the end of the day, his way of thinking is far too intuitive and abstract to put into words. 

so, lmao, don’t invite him to mediate ur next fight. he’ll probs just confuse you both. 

but if you need someone to chill with to cool you off and calm you down? he’s great because all that water turns him into this fantastic shock-absorber, and as i said before, his aqua/scorpio means that almost anything is on the table. 

the last thing i’ll talk about is his pisces mars! 

he’s a gentle, gentle boy. 

if it wasn’t obvious enough already, there really isn’t a single angry bone in his body (that’s an exaggeration, we’re all capable of anger). 

but he has such a gentle approach to life thanks to this pisces mars, and he goes about this with such sincerity and it’s so unfiltered and out there that you can’t help but appreciate how earnest he is, no matter how weird at the same time. 

this would also turn his aquarian interest in a much more creative direction.

i know he said he can’t draw, but he has such a strong knack for creative thinking with that unique aqua and his pisces mars giving him a very fluid means of expression and deep understanding of artistic nuance. 

everything he does, even if he’s not particularly good at, will have his signature stamp because he has such a great outlet for him to express his super strong, aquarian sense of self. 

(and that, in and of itself, is an artistic feat). 

super empathetic, a lot more emotional than he lets on. 

but again, due to his moon’s harmonious aspects, even with all that deadpan and logical aqua, emotions are never ultra-abrasive to him so it’s genuinely really hard to catch an extreme emotion out of him unless he’s in a negative place generally.

he just gets emotions, and if he doesn’t understand them immediately he knows how to sit with them and live in them. 

a very healing person to be around. 

[aromagni]

My Experiences Feeling Demiplatonic (Carnival of Aros, December 2019, Part 1)

(The majority of this is about my experiences with demiplatonic, which is only kinda tangentially related to this month’s prompt, but I was wanting to write about it anyways and there is some overlap; I’m made another post (Part 2) with something I wrote more directly responding to the prompt.)

My perception of the concept of “love” is influenced by many aspects of my identity, including not only my aromanticism but also my neurodivergency and my relation to the aplatonic-spectrum, specifically the term demiplatonic.  I dislike “love” and the societal expectation of it as a universal human experience even outside of its ties to romance, because non-romantic relationships are not universal either.  There’s this narrative that people can only find happiness through love and I find this harmful.  There shouldn’t be a societal expectation for any type of love or relationships, because not everyone feels or wants these things.

When I was younger, I wanted to have friends in general but I never really wanted to be friends with people specifically.  I didn’t like being alone so I would alternate between trying and failing to socialize with people before retreating to read my books, or on rare occasions would find someone who had a common interest and would tolerate me so I would latch onto them as a “friend”.  In middle school, I kept a running tally of how many people I could consider “friends” along with mentally ranking them in tiers…..after my brother mocked me for not being able to name 5 friends.  Making friends never came naturally to me.

In high school, I’d managed to acquire a group of friends…..who would at least spend time with me if brought in proximity by other things, though we rarely made actual plans to hang out.  In sophomore year, I figured out that I am aroace and first became exposed to much terminology, including aplatonic.  I was rarely in convenient proximity with my friend group and thus I felt alone…. so I spent a lot of time overthinking friendships.  

At one point I realized that I did not feel comfortable receiving affection such as hugs from most people, including people I considered friends but was less close with.  In comparison, I felt comfortable receiving hugs from 1-2 of my closest friends.  Since I was only comfortable doing platonic affection things with people I felt a strong emotional connection with, that was when I initially resonated with the term demiplatonic.  That perhaps wasn’t a great reasoning and showed poor understanding of the term, but feelings are confusing and actions are easier.  Similarly, around that time what first helped me conclude that I was aro is that I didn’t find the idea of doing “romantic” things like kissing appealing.  Naturally, my understanding of terms has grown with time.

***

In college, I experienced what I would consider my first proper squish on a friend I felt close to.  I considered this attraction to be a mix of queerplatonic, platonic, alterous, and sensual attractions, though referring to it as platonic/a squish was simplest.  I wanted to spend a lot of time with this person and also I wanted to be affectionate with them (Hugging/cuddling).  This was a notably different feeling than what I felt towards other friends, whom I enjoyed spending time with because I like having friends but I didn’t seek to spend time with them specifically.  Thus, I felt more strongly that the label demiplatonic was applicable to me.  With the mix of attractions, perhaps demi-queerplatonic or demi-sensual was technically more accurate, or aplatonic and demi-queerplatonic, but demiplatonic was easiest.  So I considered myself demiplatonic and thus apl-spec, while also wanting a queerplatonic relationship and not considering myself nonamorous. ***

Making friends never came naturally to me, and maintaining friendships even less so.  It seems like when I do have strong feelings for someone then it’s emotionally volatile and inevitably collapses…...whereas if I don’t feel as strongly about them and mainly appreciate their presence as my friend then it’s more stable, though often times that dissipates as they don’t prioritize me enough to ever have time for me.  As always, once no longer brought into convenient proximity by outside forces, we drift apart despite my efforts to prevent it.  

I increasingly feel like I am inherently bad at friendships, especially now as I look around and find I have few to no actual friends.  It’s been about a year now since I lost most all my social connections from two back-to-back incidences around winter break.  Nothing particularly dramatic or objectively bad happened…..and yet I feel almost traumatized by past relationships and the overwhelmingly negative emotions built on top of it by many smaller things over time.  I used to seek affection and platonic partnership, but now I’m inclined to be non-partnering and am more touch repulsed than ever before.  I try to seek out at least casual socialization because I know feeling socially isolated is bad for me, but I feel like I’m bad at socializing at all.

I am neurodivergent, which definitely contributes to my difficulties with social stuff.  I know I have ADHD, and I feel that the RSD and emotional dysregulation which comes with it has contributed greatly to the extent to which I feel negatively affected by past friendships.  I increasingly ponder whether I am also autistic, because while there is overlap with ADHD, I don’t think it alone explains my inherent difficulties with socializing.  I think I used to be better at socializing somewhat “normally”, but at some point I became comfortable enough with existing friendships that I forgot how to filter myself when interacting with people and now that they’re gone, making friends is even harder than ever before; so I feel anxious that everyone just finds me annoying ... while not being confident in my ability to interpret social cues to determine whether or not that anxiety is justified.

I now relate more to the original context of aplatonic, with difficulties making friends being associated with trauma or neurodivergency.  I seek friendships to combat loneliness, but I doubt my own capacity of emotions for people and feel guilty that I’m being selfish and don’t care the way I think I’m supposed to.  I identify more closely with the term aplatonic and apl-spec as a whole, though I know I feel demi-something so demiplatonic still feels accurate to use.  I don’t consider myself nonamorous, because I find it hard to be content or fulfilled without strong emotionally intimate relationships of some sort.  I do consider myself non-partnering, at least for now, because the idea of a QPR feels ruined to me now and seeking partnership of any sort hurts too much to be desirable.  People tend to conflate these terms, aplatonic, nonamorous, and non-partnering, as if they are approximately the same, but they feel different to me and each are useful.  I also think that while it is important to acknowledge the context of aplatonic as being based in neurodivergent aros and trauma, I think trying to isolate it to a single definition or context of acceptable use is not ideal as it can be a very useful and dynamic term.  Feelings are confusing, and relationships even moreso, so sometimes it’s not easy to separate out emotions that are platonic or queerplatonic and which are or are not felt.  

I consider myself demiplatonic; the experiences, reasons, and definitions with which I identify with it have changed over time, but the descriptor remains the same and continues to be useful to me.