#when I try not to be I just end up not posting anything lmao

[rabbits-of-negative-euphoria]

Glad you are back from your Tumblr break 😁 But also how was it being off? Any insights about ~social media use~ etc? I keep thinking about doing something similar but apparently I am more addicted than I think.

And I'm glad to be in touch with my lovely mutuals again ^_^

To be fair, I was still on Facebook this time around, which was probably a bad call bc FB recommends Instagram-style reels to you whether you want em or not.

But my insights every time I leave always boil down to:

holy crap my attention span is in the gutter

my impulsive need to post every complete thought that pops into my head is quite arrogant, incredibly distracting, and--contrary to my old assumptions--does not accomplish the same thought-organizing function as a journal would

oh how little social interaction I am actually getting

[unproduciblesmackdown]

imagine...

...that some things have changed (including some marigold ventures?) and Atlas May is like uh oh both lackadaisy & i are doomed, but if i set up my own death maybe only i'll be doomed and lackadaisy might have to shutter but perhaps more so on involved people's terms, such as mitzi being fine financially, but also if she thinks it's her fault that'll be good for maintaining my posthumous Image to her, perhaps she did some defrauding again? and i'll have mordecai, my trusted & effective gunman, be the one to fatally shoot me, & of course he doesn't want to, but it's Mere Work Ethic time, what's he gonna do besides argue at all maybe, ultimately refuse? (no) and he may hate it but he's not going to want to fully turn on mitzi or anything after because then what would have been the point

[duskerot]

i got SO inspired by this beautiful photo by Ron Frazier so i decided to paint it !! and then throw some guys on there cuz of course

u can look below the cut if you want to see the painting without the characters !!

MY PAINTING !! this was so fun fr i love painting light <3 might go ahead and post this separately but for now you must look at these ocs ok?

[maddy-ferguson]

using intersectionality to discredit feminism and downplay its reach and essentially weaponizing it when it was coined to describe black women's experience of racism and sexism is nasty work...

[crystalkitty1220]

Man I wonder where the leader of the fear realm could've gone, it's alMOST LIKE NEVIN HAS AN

[good-beanswrites]

Just wanted to plant an idea if you wanted a bit of fuel: Mahiru asking Yuno to come to her cell before everything goes down.

Edit: I forgot the ask didn't say it but this is part of Kyanako's incredible Order Of Attack AU!

Didn't mean for this to become a mini Mappi study but here we are ✨ Thank you for the request! I fully intended to write them hanging out, but it's more right before they hang out lol. Went a bit on-the-nose with foreshadowing, but isn't that the fun part? It has become Emotional Over Mahiru Hour...

I kept things vague, but TW for mentioning her boyfriend's state of potential self-harm

Mahiru tried not to act superstitious, she really did. As much as she loved the idea of little luck charms, or avoided easy signs of misfortune, it was easier to keep quiet about such ridiculous things.

Maybe catching a bride’s bouquet meant no guarantees; maybe there was no real harm in stepping underneath ladders, maybe a coin tossed into a fountain had no real magic to its wish. However, the one thing she knew for sure held power was a lucky presence. Being in the right place at the right time could alter everything. And today was the right time for something. There was this waiting in the air. The prison had been holding its breath. Mahiru knew it was time to release it all.

“You must be so lonely, why don’t you let big sis Mahiru keep you company?” She beamed at Amane.

She often recalled the good fortune that she and a certain young man had crossed paths on the university terrace. She used to laugh with him about the wonderful coincidence of bumping into each other outside of the bakery, then the convenience store. 

Though she’d never spoken about it to him, she was also grateful for many occasions where she walked in on him at the precise moment to talk him out of something reckless. She always told him that they’d do everything together. He didn’t need to be alone anymore. 

“I wish to be alone. I need peace of mind to think.” Amane turned away from the cell door.

It was a good thing, too. Mahiru’s smile wasn’t as convincing as she said, “o-oh. Of course.”

She made her way around the panopticon, hearing Fuuta pace his cell in anticipation. He must have felt it too, this holding of breath. 

Or perhaps not. He turned down her offer for a bit of company, including a few more colorful words than Amane had. Mahiru just apologized for bothering him and headed back to her cell. She wasn’t sure where Mikoto was at this hour, but she didn’t feel like smiling through a third rejection.

She shook her head back and forth. She wished the motion could rattle the voices inside, she wished she could shake them all away. With her arms secured in place she could no longer cover her ears. She used to hum to keep them at bay, but lately they’d been too loud to stifle. They just kept on talking.

Their words told her the two were right. Nobody needed her company. No – nobody wanted it. Being together hadn’t helped her boyfriend. In fact, being together had been the very thing that got him killed. No wonder Amane and Fuuta wanted to avoid her. 

So then, this was for the best. She would rather deal with the brief sting of refusal than stumble in one day to find them hurt… or worse. As much as she tried to avoid the superstition of it all, the voices reminded her that her very presence could mean life or death. 

“Mappi, are you alright?” Mahiru hadn’t realized a tear had slipped down her cheek until she hurried to swipe it away in front of Yuno. 

“Hah, I’m fine! Just fine.” It was impossible to fool her, Mahiru had learned, but that never stopped her from trying. 

At least she always spoke tactfully. “Rough morning?”

Mahiru shifted her arms in her uniform, making a small sound of agreement.

“Can I do anything to help? What if I stay with you for a bit? I can do your hair, and…”

The voices were right. Amane and Fuuta knew it, too. Presences did hold power, and Mahiru’s was cursed.

But she would sound foolish admitting such a fear to Yuno. She'd heard plenty from the voices about how stupid and airheaded she was, there was no use in getting the same lecture from someone as grounded as her.

Mahiru managed a weak protest, unable to explain her real reasoning. Yuno was insistent. She didn’t give much of a choice. Could she feel the strangeness of the prison, as well? 

At last, Mahiru allowed her shoulders to sag. Yuno was lucky. And kind. Having her nearby would do her good. Amane and Fuuta would be alright. Mahiru had tried spending more time with them after verdicts were announced. Now, she made a mental note to pull back. If her love couldn’t save anyone, at least she could spare them from her curse. They would be safe. 

“Yes. Please stay. The truth is... I don't want to be alone.”

[b4kuch1n]

I'm not gonna screenshot it bc 1/it really doesn't matter that much and 2/the person who made the comment is a kid but: a while ago I made a comic that's supposed to be a genuine study and reinterpretation of someone else's sprite comic (made in the spirit of authenticity too - to recreate the vibes of the sprite comics from that era, iirc very specifically because it's funny) and I got a comment on that comic's post that's like "glow up"

which is a compliment obvs. and the commenter probably didn't mean anything by it, it's a common expression. but I've been trying to find a way to gracefully put that comment away ever since it appeared lol

I just very much don't want my art to be taken as trying to one-up someone else's art when that's not the piece's intention. especially when the piece that inspired my art is perceived as "low effort" or "shitpost" or stuff like that. I did mention in the tags of that post that my considering it a study is entirely genuine, and I can legitimately write pages about the cool stuff I find in it other than and inherent in the haha funneys, but that's not for you guys that's for me. I just think that approaching art competition-first like that is a miserable way to do it, and (tipping into overthinking here if the whole tiny-comment-got-stuck-in-my-brain-for-almost-a-month part hasn't given that away yet lol) I really don't want that to be the takeaway from my own art. at least generally. if I actually think the source material is trash and what I'm doing is genuinely categorically better I'd just come out and say it lmao

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

i think one of the things that upsets me the most about velma and shaggy's relationship in sdmi--and boy there is a lot--is that not only is her constantly ''correcting'' him for minor, harmless, and usually completely reasonable things with physical and emotional abuse, well. abusive by itself. but so many of the things he does that she treats him that way over are very autistic things, and what she subjects him to is textbook abuse aimed at autistics in particular. (including the part where she gets more and more pissed whenever attempts at said emotional abuse fly over his head, because he's too bad at picking up cues for them to land fully.)

[cws: anti-autistic ableism, ABA, self-harm, physical and emotional IPV, victim-blaming, and abuse apologism. it's a lot and it's really fucking bad lmao]

-

like. there's a lot of examples there; shaggy's behavior coming across as autistic is worth a whole post of its own, and a lot of media depicts abuse targeted at autistic traits because ✨️hooray ableism.✨️but she straight up tries to Fix Him (read: force him to perform a Presentable Personality) by forcing him to wear clothes that are sensory hell, and trying to condition him to self-harm every time he does some small harmless, reflexive thing she thinks is Poor Socialization until he stops. and to catch himself doing it, and punish himself, without being prompted. i cannot fucking overstate how fucked up that is.

they even got down the fun little aspect of ABA where the methods of conditioning-through-pain are presented as toys and kiddish things: she gives him a rubber band to wear on his wrist, and tells him to snap it as hard as he can every time he says 'like.' 🙃🙃🙃🙃

like. this does not begin to scratch the surface of the abuse she puts him through in general. and again, characters being abused for autistic traits with the approval of the narrative is a common thing in media, which sucks. but holy fucking shit! they really took the 'violent ableism that is done to autistics irl' to the next fucking level here!

.......and it's portrayed as kind of cringey, immature teen drama on both sides. the self-harm, his dread over how much he knows it'll hurt, and the extreme pain it causes him to the point of screaming are all supposed to be funny. and her arc is all about learning to accept that she deserves better, because she was repressed and had low self-esteem and therefore putting him through fucking DIY ABA didn't make her happy.

🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃

anyway if you couldn't tell i can't fucking stand sdmi velma and i have a lot of words in me about it. when one of your main heroes would have made a way more compelling villain as they are, on a more mundane level compared to all the wild fantastical shit they go up against, holy shit go back to the drawing board you have fucked up. she could have been genuinely good representation of a marginalized person dealing with the trauma of her experiences in some shitty ways she has to grow past, and an interesting flawed character, without being absolutely despicable--hell, she'd have made a great foil to pericles if they'd handled him decently too. they have a lot of parallels, which only gain more depth when you add their respective parallels with cassidy into the mix. and it really fucking sucks that we got this instead.

[ropes3amthoughts]

Man I’ve been on my period forever. I just did the math and it’s been 17 days? Bruh. This sucks ass.

[plantenjoyer]

I SWEAR I KEEP TRYING TO DO ART BUT THEN SOMETHING GETS IN THE WAY AND THEN I PROCRASTINATE AND THEN SIX MONTHS PASS

[coridallasmultipass]

Felt cute, might deteriorate later. [He/Him]

[buckera]

a lesson in protecting your peace ✌️

[toytulini]

god that "morning people are an oppressive class" post annoys me in some way i cant. quite. ugh

[hanzajesthanza]

instances of dismal futuristic foresight... or perhaps commentary by the author, hem, hem...

[carmarriage]

i chose zexal btw

[todayisafridaynight]

I've been in my feelings about Jo and Aoki's last interactions for a bit...

Because that whole scene is textbook verbal abuse, right... Aoki is very clearly trying to tear Jo's self-esteem and bolster his own, establish control, all that, and Jo just has to stand there meekly and take it. All because Jo's disobeyed one too many times and Aoki needs someone he knows he can control to head the Tokyo Omi Alliance.

Like Jo says he's never disobeyed Aoki except in that one instance, but not handling things himself at Otohime Land was very much his way of giving Ichi an out indirectly, and I feel like Aoki was beginning to catch on based on his comments about Jo neglecting the situation and acting strangely. Directly refusing his orders just confirmed his suspicions.

It's kind of lost among all the bombshells dropped in Chapter 13, but Jo's hesitance to kill anyone who's important to Arakawa is a big deal to me. It's not like he had any personal ties to Hoshino or any investment in maintaining the balance of the Ijin Three whatsoever; he went to those lengths to set himself up to be stopped because Arakawa wouldn't want Hoshino to die and that was it.

To return to the scene, I think it's also a great demonstration of Aoki's "those who use and those who get used" mentality. This next thing is... pretty badly mistranslated, at least in the subs, so it was lost on me for a while. But before the Lost Puppy line, the specific way Aoki chooses to downplay Jo's merit is by telling him he only got to his position because everyone was so sensitive to his (Aoki's) feelings and could tell he favored Jo, following him around like a lost puppy being precisely why Aoki favored him.

I don't think that was all there was to it, of course. Dude was five and deliberately brings Jo wherever he goes to this day by choice. It's kind of like those guys who get rejected once and start going on tirades about how "she should've been grateful, she was ugly anyway." But that's what Aoki wants to portray--you only had it that good because of me, and I can take it away whenever I want. Whenever you're no longer of use. Anything to preserve his status as the user and Jo's as the used.

Jo's crossed the line at this point. He is no longer of use. He does kind of get into it so that takes the edge off my frustration with The English Language, but from this point onward, he believes Aoki sees him as a "bullet"--a hitman only sent on suicide missions. So despite everything he's done for him, despite being "the favorite," he knows full well Aoki's trying to kill him before Aoki even gives Ishioda the order. And... he accepts it.

So TO GO FROM THAT to having to reconcile in prison would've been so much powerful than what the ending was trying to do. Having to come to terms with the fact you killed one of the only people who saw you for who you were and truly cared about you, were going to kill the other two, and have abused all three from the moment you realized you had power over them. And for Jo, going through everything he went through because of Aoki and loving him without question anyway... Getting to express that in some small way... I need to lie down...

ALSO tattoo essay... later... maybe tomorrow... I mainly just feel like I sound extremely mean about rggtattoos' take😭😭😭but the show must go on

YEAH NO THAT'S IT ALL FAX NO PRINTER NO EXTRA NOTES NECESSARY

It'd be the fact that Aoki'd have no choice but to confront those decisions he made and those things he wanted to happen. he'd made a social circle for himself where people predominantly liked him for the power and influence he had and totally turned his back on the people who- awfully ironically as he wanted- loved him for him

He'd already smoothed things over with Ichi, so- by his own hand- all that was left was Jo, the person he'd taken for granted the most next to Arakawa and who he planned to have executed alongside him. Jo's got every right to not forgive Aoki and to push him away, let each other rot in prison ignoring each other. So it's the worst feeling when Jo doesn't do that- its impossible for me not to imagine Jo wondering about what happened for Aoki to get so banged up if he's brought into prison the same night, and making sure Aoki's okay despite it.

Whereas Ichi was more upfront about his love and even frustrated about it ('frustrated' in that 'how could Aoki be so blind not to see how much care there is for him from us'), the breaking part about Jo is that he's forced himself to be so careful about showing his affection. Ichi's love was borderline irritating for how apparent it was: Jo's could have easily been written off or ignored.

All of that said, prison is where Aoki would be forced to realize that Jo does love him like Ichi said he does; there's no reason to keep up appearance or kiss up anymore- Aoki doesn't have any use to Jo anymore (if Aoki chose to interpret Jo's loyalties as a stepping stone to promote himself), and there's certainly no where else to run. It's probably that dawning moment that's gotta be so. Oh God What The Fuck. Like it's a sobering moment for him to go 'What have I been doing this whole time/what have I done to everyone', as corny as it sounds