#when I want pointless suffering I go outside and live my life

[ivan-fyodorovich-k]

I could probably actually watch some mecha shows but I tried watching them when I was in college and years later I still haven't gotten over the utterly pointless deaths of either Chan Agi or Bernard Wiseman, two people who aren't even a little bit real in the slightest way

Do love them robots though

[fancifulplaguerat]

I’m so not normal about this

The way that Artemy tries to make Daniil feel better despite not caring solely because Daniil is upset, the “you are also better-crafted than me” like Artemy is telling him not to think of himself as some worthless unloved doll because look at yourself, you’re so much more than that; just that last line the compassion the kindness in it I cannot stand this. I’m not even that into Burakhovsky in canon but this is the most romantic thing I’ve ever witnessed in my life (←light hyperbole) 

I’ve gotten too desensitized to the doll ending that I forget what a gut punch it is. That line “Strangely, there is still not a word to be heard from the Powers That Be. Perhaps they became bored of it all... or were called back home for supper” plain devastates me. Just the futility of it all, how pointless all the characters’ suffering was, in particular the healers’. Though I enjoy the theatre-framing in Patho 2, the ‘children’s game’ meta in Patho Classic gets under my skin far more, as there’s some ‘purpose’ in Artemy/Daniil/Clara suffering onstage, playing their roles for an audience. While Patho 2 implies futility with the ‘you aren’t important, you can be recast,’ that idea of ‘you are not important, and everything you did meant nothing’ hits me harder in the game framing because the healers aren’t even worth being replaced. Everything is just some kids’ make-believe that can be tossed aside when they get bored or are called away. 

But I fucking love “The Powers That Be” concept because it’s so perfectly ominous and vague. Could be anything, likely the government, but sike actually it’s two children who orchestrated your entire living nightmare. I love the subtle references to them throughout the game, too, such as a plague victim telling Daniil “I keep hearing children’s voices... the girls are crying, and the boy is laughing... We mustn’t scare them...” or Aspity asking, “Pit-a-pat, pit-a-pat... Can you hear the kids running around?” And granted this might not truly be about The Powers That Be, but it certainly feels like it could be. Or the foreshadowing on Day 1 of the Bachelor Route when Daniil asks the kids, “How did it even cross your mind... to play epidemic!” And Clara directly references them when she goes underground with Artemy, warning him to talk as little as possible so “they who are beyond the wall won’t hear you.” 

She elaborates: 

“I can only feel them. They are obscure. They are the ones in charge of everything here. They’re big but narrow-souled, trying to hide their wretchedness from us. It was all their doing. They haven’t revealed themselves yet. [...] Their time hasn't come yet. They are waiting in the wings. They will probably break into the world when it ends. Tomorrow they will show themselves...” 

I highly enjoy Measly and Thrush’s presence being all over the game unbeknownst to the player and characters (excluding Clara). 

And it creates even more futility to me because there’s no catharsis of just anger against some cruel puppet-master, like I can’t be angry with these children who are just playing. Especially how they ask, “Heal the town, please! Just look, it’s so wonderful... It’s alive and it’s our favorite one... We won’t be able to make another one like this. If it can’t be helped, then it will disappear forever. You know how much we love it?” They’re just kids who want you to save something that they love; even if they can be devious they don’t really have malicious intentions. But even their fears about losing their town aren’t real and I’m just going to go outside and start eating handfuls of dirt 

[stardewpoesie]

I may be reaching here, but after watching emptiness and catharsis for many times, some sort of realization (?) struck me with this sequence. 

When the girls scream out their feelings, their positions into the frames are interesting. I think it had to do with the root of the pain they are dealing with being from an exterior or interior influence, or a mixture of both. 

How I interpret it: 

Tomo: her bluntness and seriousness in her art are what set her apart from her bandmates in the past. They couldn't take her calling out their incompetence with a good face, and so they quit. Tomo's solution to this was to silence herself and restrain herself from saying what she truly thinks. The pain she feels and she lets go of is that of vowing to never restrain herself from giving her real opinions again. Because there will be people who appreciate her for that blunt honestly. And thus my deduction is that the pain she lets go of/screams out had been root inside her. Which is why her face is all over the frame. 

Subaru: I think in a similar manner to Tomo, the root of her inner conflicts lie within her. She doesn't want to disappoint her grandmother, but what truly makes her sad is the lying. Lying to her grandmother, but mainly to herself. She was finally able to let go of that by introducing herself by name, being proud of what she is doing and truly allowing herself the choice to do as she wants. So the pain she was screaming out in the frame was also mainly internal. 

Momoka: Momoka's face is slightly panned out compared to Tomo and Subaru, with magenta lines shooting out. I think it represents her pain being both internal and external. Also, Magenta pink signifies deep passion. Momoka's character is complex, she's an artist who always believed in herself, started out strong with a full conviction of what she envisioned. But her agency wanted to rip her integrity as an artist from her, and her bandmates, although caring, chose to let her go in the end at the expense of her music. No matter how Momoka phrases her leaving the band, I think it still stands for some sort of betrayal, and even Momoka recognizes it. So Momoka's search for herself begins again, but it's exhausting, and seemed pointless for the longest time. Causing her burnout. I think Momoka was letting go of both her built-up cowardice and her past with Diamond Dust as both their bandmate but also an artist of that band.

Rupa: Rupa's frame is the most obvious for me. In her frame, the background takes almost as much space as she does. And I love the choice of the background being yellow, which symbolizes warmth and gentleness. Despite her life being so hard, she is still the gentle figure of the group. I believe it's obvious that with Rupa, the world has dealt her more pain than any person deserves. She lost her most important people, and it was unfair. The pain she screams out signifies her resolve to move on to live her life despite her grief. 

Nina: with Nina I am admittedly hesitant to draw a conclusion. Her face is all we see. But the bullying she suffered through should be an external pain. Throughout the past episodes, we see how the root of her pain is wondering whether her being who she is is either right or wrong. She knows she isn't wrong, but she wants to prove it. She wants to find herself. She admits to Momoka in the first episode that she came to Tokyo because she didn't feel like she belonged anywhere. 

I suppose, the root of her pain and what she was letting go of in that moment is the idea that she was born to exist in this world. Her lyrics in the song prove as much, she wants to live now. And even an episode before, when she told her sister she's happy as she is now. The acceptance that she could exist as she was is freeing to her. 

I don't know if this is an intended creative decision, but regardless I think Nina is so brave.  Her story isn't only about what she'd suffered, but how she came out of it. The outside world meant nothing if Nina knew who she was. And how she herself is the answer that she seeked all along, her own worthiness. 

[quills-of-freedom]

Slow dance with ~

Reiner Braun ❤

If this song doesn't sum up Reiner, his situation and his feelings for you, I'll eat my hat & shoes.

My actual heart, though.

"I'll be there as soon as I can, But I'm busy mending broken, pieces of the life I had before... Before you..."

"You could be my unintended choice, to live my life extended, you, could be the one i'll always love..."

Reiner didn't know which was worse; the fact he betrayed you all those years ago, or that he was still desperately in love with you. Not once did you leave his thoughts for longer than a day at a time, no matter what he had going on. Still plagued with haunting nightmares of you trying to kill him in Shiganshina, he didn't think he'd ever have the honour of speaking with you again. But with everything that's happened and the world now at peace... maybe now he can bring his retribution to an end - because the last four years have been nothing but torment.

The burden of guilt weighed heavy on his back and more than once has he wanted to just end his suffering by his own hand.

He's seen a lot over the years. Pain. Suffering. Death. Betrayal.

But nothing scares him more than the idea you had no love left for him, that you still couldn't forgive him for what he did. He wouldn't blame you, of course. But nothing terrifies an atheist more than the concept of death, and without you, there was nothing after it all. It was all for nothing. Without you, it's just a desolate void.

He remembers falling for you so hard back in cadets. What started as a little crush catching fire and smouldering into full blown love, the inferno like a whirlwind out of control as he tried to calm his racing thoughts about you, knowing all too well it wasn't going to end well. But when he started to forget; when everything mushed together into one reality or the other, was when he had totally gotten lost within himself. And there you were, always there to hold him up when the weight was too much. So of course he was going to call out to your out-reached hand of unconditional admiration and adoration.

The celebrations at the palace were bitter-sweet. Yes, the war was over. Yes, an age of peace had finally begun.

But to the loss of so many lives.

One including many of your friends.

The cruel irony that you could now experience true freedom, by the death of your best friend, of whom, you'd promised you'd both traverse the world together. The innocent childhood glint behind your eyes forever extinguished - replaced by grief.

Eren was dead.

Mikasa. Gone.

No one knew where she'd went. But all that was left now was the gratitude from the people you'd saved. A pointless goal of nothing awaited you. No more fighting, no more dreaming.

You'd all been granted your medals of outstanding service at a ceremony and now as the party begins to extinguish of voices and laughter, Reiner was alone on the terrace. The floor-to-ceiling grand windows illuminating his back as he leans upon the stone balustrade, the cold nip in the air not deterring the exhausted veteran.

"Reiner?"

His heart skips a beat.

He recognised that voice, and would for the rest of his days.

The voice he was terrified of forgetting the sound of. The sweet song of praise that were your vocals.

He turns to see you in your beautiful dress standing at the grand over-the-top door to the ballroom.

"Sorry, I didn't think anyone was out here. It's so bright in there I couldn't see outside." You explain as you go to join him for some fresh air.

"It's alright." Is all he can manage to vocalise over his now trembling body.

He was a fine sight in his suit although the night had taken its toll, his blazer gone and tie loosened, white sleeves pushed up his large forearms. He gazed ahead into the inky blackness of the evening, the dark void where all traumas and nightmares lay in wait.

"I guess a congratulation is in order." You hum. "The fighting is finally over. And you're no longer a titan, right?"

"Right." He affirms with a nod, nervously twiddling his fingers over the balustrade.

"It's strange. We should feel happy, right? So, why don't I feel happy?"

He glances at your pleading eyes, pleading for some wisdom he didn't have. He didn't have it because he was in the same boat.

"I don't know." He swallows, returning his head to face ahead of him. "I guess the loss was too great."

His heart was breaking all over again.

He could feel your pain seeping from your being. That empty pain behind your eyes much like the pair he sees in the mirror everyday. You had always been too precious for this world. And now it was finally all said and done, you couldn't even enjoy it. He knew how much Eren and Mikasa meant to you.

And Sasha.

And Marco.

"y/n, i'm sorry." He mutters. "I'm not the best person to be talking to about this."

"You promised me, right?" Her tone quivers as the song inside changes to a slow-paced tune to begin to draw a close to the evening. "Five years ago. That you'll always be there for me?"

His lips part and he turns to face you, his equally pained orbs searching yours for any hint of a cruel joke.

But there wasn't any.

All he could see were the burning cinders of innocence cruelly pillaged by events that were not by your own doing.

"And you're back now, aren't you?" You continue, filling in his silence as he is lost for words. "Aren't you?"

A tear streams down your cheek, the lachrymose proving to be too much.

Without a word, he pulls you into his chest, his arms that have longed and ached for you for so long, now finally holding you once more as he holds your head against his solid chest, holding you up as you crumble.

"The world is cruel. But it's also beautiful..." You whisper in memory of your friend, your eyes clasping shut as the pain in your chest becomes more intense.

He inhales you before resting his cheek on top of your head, his eyes pleading as he slowly cradles you from side to side. Your skin. Your heart. Your scent. God he'd missed it all.

You had always been the one to hold his chin high when all was lost. And now, he can finally do the same for you.

With a sniffle, you slide your hands up and over his shoulders as he continues to rock slowly, his hands instinctively resting upon your waist as you both begin to dance slowly to the low tune bellowing from within the palace.

His warmth radiates over you; he may no longer hold the power of the nine titans, but you could still feel his great strength and iron will beneath his flesh, as he holds you as if you would be snatched away if he let go for a second.

"I still love you, y/n." He whispers with a dry mouth.

What did he really have to lose?

"I know." She breathes. "I still love you too."

The indescribable amount of pain that has stripped you bare over the years did not show any signs of relenting anytime soon. But now at least... you have Reiner back. Maybe you could begin new dreams. Together.

[winterspellsfrozenkit]

Idia vs Malleus’s Overblot

So I saw the Malleus Overblot stuff on Tumblr and I’ve seen a ton of memes about Idia being in a panic because he got to be the one to fix it and I just want to talk about it a little bit. 

Idia’s my favorite of the TWST characters. Yeah, he easily panics, he’s a shut in, he doesn’t talk much to people outside Ortho, when he does talk to people he tends to insult or backhand compliment, and he probably seems like the last person to help Malleus, but I want to talk about why Idia is probably the best person to help Malleus besides that’s how the previous chapters worked. 

I saw a lot of people think the person who was going to help Malleus was Ortho and I was a bit floored because I thought it was obvious it was going to be Idia because the previous Housewarden has experiences that allow them to challenge the thinking of the current chapter’s Housewarden that lead to the Overblot. 

We are the Prefect of Ramshackle and we challenged Riddle’s ideas about strict adherence to rules. Riddle challenged Leona’s idea of being underhanded being the only way to succeed against those born into ideal circumstances. Leona challenged Azul’s idea of that contracts were the only way to bind people to him and that they made him invulnerable. Azul challenged Kalim’s idea of blindly believing the best in people and leaning too heavily on someone. Kalim challenged Vil’s idea that because he’d nearly harmed Neige, he was forever ugly and hateful and that would never change now he’d made that choice. Vil challenged Idia and Ortho’s thinking that they had to rewrite the world to have a chance to achieve their dreams. 

Malleus Overblotted because he doesn’t want change. He’s afraid of being alone and everyone leaving him. Idia’s got to be the one to challenge that idea because his very existence challenges the idea that everything staying the same is preferable to change. A large majority of Idia’s life was being trapped in an unchanging situation. That’s the point of Chapter 6. Idia wasn’t willing to get an internship with Olympus Inc. because he saw the idea as silly. No matter what he did, nothing would change. The one tried he tried to change his fate by going on that trip with Ortho, he suffered severely for it. To him, trying to change wasn’t possible. Changing wouldn’t undo the past, going to an internship with Olympus Inc. wouldn’t get rid of the Shroud curse, there was no point in trying because no matter what he did, he felt nothing would change, so it was all pointless. Idia’s lived for years in a situation where he felt he had no power to change anything and he knows the dark underside to that situation. If nothing changes, then isn’t doing anything pointless? 

What’s the point of meeting new people if your relationship with them won’t change and you’ll stay strangers, even if you try? What’s the value of good things in life if you never know bad things? Do you even know things are good if you have nothing negative to compare them to? If nothing changes, won’t you eventually get bored with it? Idia constantly built new things and played games and watched anime because he was starving for things in his life to change and these things allowed him to escape his predetermined life that he couldn’t change, experience something new in a safe manner, and not risk anything important to him in the process. Yeah, Idia is probably going to be really anxious and nervous facing one of the five most powerful magic users in the world, especially now that Malleus Overblotted, but bravery isn’t the absence of fear. Bravery is being afraid and doing it anyway. 

In short, Idia’s got to be the one to challenge Malleus’s thinking because he knows exactly what kind of life it leads to should Malleus get his wish for things to never change. 

[dansevilpianotea]

i really wanted to make a proper dan birthday post/art today but im super tired rn, so its not happening. instead im writing something personal and philosophical because im an autistic philosophy student and its all im capable of doing.

you will get up that hill

thank you @danielhowell for growing up with me, even tho its only been 5 years (almost), its been the most important 5 years of my life (so far lol).

when i skimmed through ywgttn again recently i realised how much i have changed since i first read it 2 years prior. i used to reject any kind of help despite feeling really bad because for so long my needs were ignored, i was blamed for it or i was given solutions that were toxic and dismissive of my feelings. but i kept going. addicted to the loneliness and the pain, but i knew that this wasnt all there is. i managed to move to a different country on my own at 18, i knew that there was a light at the end of my horizon. i mean, its really not like that tho. there is a sun and it rises every morning, but it also goes down in the evening. it can seem pointless, banal, some might say absurd. pushing up that rock every morning and it rolling down when the sun sets. for me, it felt like the rock was just sitting at the bottom of the hill and i didnt have enough strength to even consider moving it. but this is not all there is. we can change, and the way we change to get better is not rapid but its a slow process of not just trying, but trying again despite failing. this is not a fight that is possible to lose. you only lose it when you dont touch the rock. if it is already at the bottom, you cant get it down further than that. your only way is up. and yes, it can roll down again, but there are checkpoints. connections we make, people we love and who get to love us. risks we take and secrets we reveal that make us stronger to try again. this is your life. you can just pick it up and try. and try again. and try it even tho everyone wants you to hate every second of it and do not believe you can do it. but you can. the only mistake you can make is letting them make you believe that progress has to be fast. even if it takes you 30 years to reach this checkpoint, the more you try to go up, the stronger you will get. its not about sitting there doing nothing and its not about being upset that you cant make it fast enough. you cannot plan for the route up the hill. you learn along the way. its about trying to push the boulder when everything inside of you screams at you that change is scary and everyone outside of you either pushes you to do it in their specific way or they tell you that you cannot do it. the boulder is your life and the hill is happiness. its not yourself who you should push, but the way you need the environment to be so you can be happy. the only true rebellion is happiness. when you are forced to live inauthentically, they do not want you to be happy. even if they think they do all they really care about is you not disturbing their prejudiced view of the world, of you being controlled by them. the gods punished sisyphus. they wanted him to suffer under their authority. the only choice you have to become happier is to make it up that hill and to do it with a smile on your face. even if you are not happy, you just need to want it and to believe that you can get there from your current situation and not through a miracle from an outside force. there is no other choice.

2 years ago my counsellor said to me that i was very good at being scared of things (lol), but i do them anyways inspite of the fear. ever since i can remember i was scared of the most mundane changes, from walking on a different side of the road on my way to school to asking my friend about their dog. but i still wanted to do all those things. i was just incredibly scared of chaos and rejection. so i didnt do them. but i dont regret not doing them. because with every time that i failed i get to try it again but with even more strength. and this is how i got here. my life has changed in such a significant way since i watched your coming out video and thats because of you and this community. i had dreamed of getting out of my hometown for years and i didnt think i could. but when you said the following: "Time changes everything. With the lives that we have, we can try anything we've dreamed of. [...] you are never trapped. There is always hope. You just need to believe in yourself and get to the other side." i needed to hear that. i didnt even know i was gay back then (thanks for that too) but as someone who was bullied for years and had my self esteem wrecked, i didnt think i had enough power. in fact, i really didnt for a long time. but i kept trying and pushing the line further until eventually i could free myself from the traps i was in my whole life. thank you dan. without your community i dont know where i'd be in life but i can only imagine it'd be worse. thank you for being born and continue living defiantly and pushing that bolder up that hill that is happiness. you are an inspiration.

(also shoutout to my phanhub friends, which btw i cant believe how long we've known each other know. i love you guys <3)

happy birthday @danielhowell 🖤🏳️‍🌈

[yanderecrazysie]

Requested on Quotev!

Title: Trick Part 2

Pairings: Mr. Compress x Reader

WARNINGS: Yandere themes

Summary: When a strange magician comes to the little carnival you’ve been working at for years, you’re intrigued by what he’s able to do. Unfortunately for you, he has more tricks up his sleeve- ones that you might not be very happy with.

Part 1: here

trick

/noun/

a cunning or skillful act or scheme intended to deceive or outwit someone.

It’s disturbing how quickly you fell into your role.

Maybe it’s because you so desperately wanted out of your prison. A prison in which you could not move or speak, and even closing your eyes would not block out all that blue.

When Mr. Compress released you at last, you were nowhere near your carnival. Your home.

You were alone in a field, with an unfamiliar carnival about a half mile away, its blue-and-white striped tents and ferris wheel vastly different from the place you were used to.

Mr. Compress held you close, running a hand up and down your back in what he probably thought was a soothing way.

“I want to go home,” you’d said.

“I know,” he’d said, his voice soft and sympathetic. 

“Why? Why are you doing this? I want to go home!”

He had sighed, wearily looking down at you, “I know, my dear, I know. But I cannot stay in one place for long and I could not bear to leave you.”

“Why?” you whispered, heart twisting uncomfortably in your chest. It wasn’t fair, the way his affection for you still made you a little happy, putting butterflies in your stomach.

“I know you wish I could have just stayed, but it is not in my nature,” Mr. Compress explained.

You wished he could have stayed too. Then, you’d be happy at your homely carnival with the man you had a huge crush on, able to have the best of both worlds.

That way, you wouldn’t have been kidnapped and ripped away from your home and friends, left in a domed prison to suffer alone. 

How could someone who cared for you so much do something like that to you?

You had followed him obediently to this new carnival, where the two of you signed on to work there. You performed as a contortionist to crowds full of foreigners, unsure of where in the world you even had ended up. Mr. Compress went on to show his magic tricks, ones that no longer brought you joy and intrigue.

Then, after what felt like forever, Mr. Compress announced that the two of you were moving on. There were aww’s from the carnival workers, but Mr. Compress could not be swayed, much like what had happened at your old home.

The first moment the two of you were alone, Mr. Compress removed his glove and deja vu hit you like a train. You tried to cry out for help, but you were too late.

In a country you didn’t know with a man who still gave you mixed feelings, you didn’t stand a chance, did you?

It became a routine- get compressed, arrive at a new carnival, work there for a while, rinse and repeat.

You could tell Mr. Compress was pleased to live this life- the one he was used to with the bonus of having you by his side. But this life was not for you. You hated it- you hated meeting new people, staying in unfamiliar places, and being alongside him. 

Begging to go home was useless- he’d never listen. Running away was pointless- he’d find you and compress you without a second thought.

Months turned into years as the never-ending cycle continued. There was a resigned acceptance, yes, but even more than that was the depression.

Mr. Compress treated you with such tenderness, but the love you’d felt for him had long since faded by now. You could tell he felt guilty every time he looked at you, but he pushed on with his obsession anyways.

Each new carnival blurred together. They were all unique and filled with different people with diverse personalities, but they were all the same in the end. A prison outside of the compressed one.

What you wouldn’t give to go back to your old carnival or at least say goodbye to the friends who had become your family.

The only constant in your life was Mr. Compress. Although he had once been a source of affection and torment, you were losing that affection with every day that passed until you were left with a numb, bitter heart.

But as you looked among the latest crowd, your heart came to a sudden stop. In the large group of spectators was one familiar face- one you hadn’t seen in years.

Ryo.

Your old friend from your old troupe. You could tell he recognized you by his wide-eyed, shocked expression.

You didn’t have the chance to approach him. As soon as your act ended, Mr. Compress was at your side.

You looked up at his mask and instantly burst into tears. You knew the man well enough to feel the surprise and guilt radiating from him.

“I can’t do this anymore!” You sobbed, “There’s someone from my old troupe here- please, just let me go home! I hate this life!”

Mr. Compress was still for a moment before he enveloped you in a soft hug.

“Let me perform one last trick with you, please,” He murmured into your hair.

“You’re just going to compress me again, aren’t you?”

“No, not this time. Just one trick and you’ll be free from me.”

You were ready to agree with anything at this point, “Okay, fine.”

The two of you walked back to Mr. Compress’s stage. Your heart pounded- was this really it? One last trick and you could go home with Ryo. It felt too good to be true.

“Ladies and gentleman, it’s time for the grand finale! A disappearing act that will astound you!”

He rolled out a large black box and motioned for you to step inside. Hesitantly you did so, hope and worry swirling in your chest until you felt like you might just throw up. Mr. Compress began to close the door but, before he did so, he said one last thing to you.

“I love you, (Y/n). You’ll be free from me, just like I promised. Please, remember me.” You knew these words were for only you to hear, the crowd abuzz with bets on whether the trick would work or not.

The door closed, leaving you in darkness. You closed your eyes for only a moment, opening them wide open when you felt a sudden cold hitting your cheeks.

The land around you is devoid of any signs of human life. As far as the eye can see is white. 

Wherever you were, it was suddenly covered in snow. It was still summer, so how were you in a winter wonderland?

You covered your arms and shivered- you were wearing a red, sparkling dress, one that was meant for performing and not braving freezing weather.

With a thrill of fear that sent an even more violent shiver down your spine, it hit you all at once.

Mr. Compress said you’d be free of him.

Not that you could go home.

[pissodeluxe]

Money is so insidious.

Never before have I wished to be wealthy like I do right now. My heart is bleeding every time I see another post, another face, another please do not scroll. I empty everything I can find into fundraisers and sim cards and organisations feeding the hungry.

I've never been wealthy. In all the ways possible in a Scandinavian welfare state, I've been poor. I've grown up hungry and without proper clothes. I've been homeless several times. But I've never wanted to be wealthy. What would I do with money, I always thought. Buy a car I don't wish to drive? Buy a house that I probably won't know how to live in? I once was gifted a lottery scratcher that was a single, final digit away from being the winner and all I remember is the feeling of stress. I don't like money. I was relieved when it wasn't there.

Rock stars fly around in private jets, rich men build rockets and force their workers to piss themselves on the line, my country's subreddits are full of people advising each other on how to become wealthier through becoming shareholders, the famous and the aristocrats waltz around in pointless fashions giving pointless interviews and here we all are on Silly, Pointless Tumblr, half of us are already begging each other for help, for just a single dollar, just anything at all, just enough to feed my dog, just enough to buy my medication, someone please save my cat.

And we're apparently the only place where the cries for help from Gaza and Sudan are even heard anymore. Across the street the owners of the new, fancy apartments with the rooftop gardens whose gentrification has caused five new dog grooming salons to open up in an area that used to be only run down mechanics and car parks, they come here to my government apartment blocks and park their expensive cars, because our parking was always too far away from any place useful to be used like this.

Those people, I see them around. Talking about terrorism and complications, talking about their political views of fiscal responsibility and moral conservatism like they know anything at all about what life is like. They look at me sideways because I'm a filthy homo. They could help but they would never. They need that money, how else would they have their next date night at that Michelin restaurant. How else would they book their next vacation and buy a second Mercedes.

I'd key their disgusting cars except I'm pretty sure they have surveillance built in, and I'm a single parent and I'm already doing my best to find any leftover cash to donate it. I can't afford a fine. But I wish I could hurt them even just a little. Make them think twice before telling anyone who'd listen about how great they're doing. We're not even allowed to have dogs here. Not that I know anyone who would have their dog groomed. We don't even go to the human hair dressers. Five dig grooming shops in an area that I can walk across in twenty minutes.

I hate it.

I want the wealthy to suffer poverty. To feel hunger at night. To be afraid of the end of the month. I want them to feel what it is like to have their rent go up further than their income reaches. I want them to know the desolation having nowhere to go. No home and no family.

I want politicians to become powerless. I want them to become as irrelevant as the victims of their ruthless campaigning. I want them to yell in vain at a world that no longer listens.

I want open borders. I want all of us to weather the coming climate together, I want us to share what we have.

I want Palestine to be free. I want it's people to be compensated and apologised to somehow. I want their olive trees to grow back. I want Zionists to become a ridiculed minority again. I want Jews to be allowed to exist outside of some political nightmare state that claims to speak for them.

I want corporations to become illegal. I want previous metals and whatever else is causing people to be murdered and tortured to be respected and reused. We have enough smart phones, we have enough. I'm ashamed to admit I don't even know what the rest of the current conflicts are really about, because I'm so heartbroken all the time that I'm afraid for my health if I keep reading. I want the world to be safe for Muslims. I want us to get over the stupid, evil racism that's been driving us to murder and maim and torture and starve and kidnap and

I want it to stop. I can't accept that wanting it to stop is "too naive" or "too utopian." I don't care. Let me be childish then, and say that I want it to end. The suffering, the cruelty. I want a just world where everyone is given food and shelter. I want a world where no one gets to just claim the right to hurt their fellow humans.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that so many have already been killed for pointless reasons and unfair wars. I'm sorry that the protests aren't listed to (yet!) I'm sorry that people feel allowed to turn a blind eye. I feel sick to see my country folk pretend like they don't know anything. I'm sorry I don't have the money to help everyone reach their needs, and I'm sorry I'm centering myself in this rant that my one follower will see. Like my heartbreak matters. Like my exhaustion is worth mentioning.

But I refuse to believe that this is how it will be. I refuse a future where not everyone is allowed to have a happy, safe life. I refuse it. There is too much good in this world. We will be heard. Our childish dreams will be made more and more real until the selfish forget that they ever denied them. We will keep fighting and building and sharing until everyone is cared for, until justice is done. We will learn to take care of each other and the ground that carries us. We will learn to become what we want. We will have clean air, clean water, clean food.

There's been enough pain. Something's gotta give. It's been paid for a thousand times already. This planet is too mathematically unlikely to just end up empty. Injustice is a losers game. Because I said so.

[whamss]

*extremely normal* once again getting all doomer abt hsbc and clenching my fist hard. istg if this team doesn’t give rosemary some degree of good closure i will bite all of their heads off

like. listen. it’s not like i want to doubt them. we haven’t even seen rose or kanaya in either timeline yet since they picked the story back up. but to this day i think it’s insane to me that the only established sapphic relationship in post canon has been turned into a parody of what it was in canon that exists almost exclusively to cause drama. and any sapphic relationship outside of that (‘jaderose’) is purely just to contribute to the drama rosemary is supposedly destined to cause. TO THIS DAY i think the choice to make rose cheat on kanaya is vile, esp when meat rosemary was already as messy as it was (and for the record, i think meat rosemary is good drama. candy rosemary is pointless drama that completely undermines not just rose’s canon character, but her established characterization In The Epilogues. yk, the thing they’re trying to play off of).

and i don’t want to sit here and say i think candy rosemary should be redeemed, i hope they divorce. i don’t think they should be salvageable as is, at least not easily. even moreso i hope to god that they stop treating kanaya like a sad punching bag who is solely victim to all of rose’s destructive impulses. kanaya has more than the capacity for anger, and more importantly i think kanaya loves herself. i hate to see a story where the one 100% canon lesbian character we have is forced to suffer and sit there looking pretty. i hate to see a story where they basically make kanaya’s entire life revolve around rose, forcing her to watch while she betrays her over and over. kanay was never like that, rosemary was never like that. it sucks that this is what they’ve turned into. i hope kanaya gets to kill people, or at least grow outside of rose. especially in candy, but in meat as well

i think meat rosemary has the potential to still be a good thing, they have some very interesting set up imo, but UGH there’s nothing more annoying than seeing kanaya immediately positioned as like, this sad figure who does nothing but think abt how much she misses her wife while rosebot exists to be nothing but a menace while terezi and dirk establish themselves as characters around her. and maybe i have no reason to, but i worry a lot anyways that we’re going to go into their arcs with this new team and they’re going to continue to discard them and either force kanaya to keep being a background character who watches rose destroy both of their lives, or sideline both of them entirely and position them purely as tools to fuel drama for the omega kids and otherwise act as catalysts for other characters to develop around

post canon in general has an undeniable woman problem. outside of vrissy it feels like the only women who’ve gotten any semblance of establishment as characters are terezi and alt calliope (even this recent update, aradia heavy as it was, had aradia mostly positioned to center some of the issues davebot is going to have to work through. which is fine, i guess, but not encouraging). i want to see this team live up to our hopes and deliver a good product. i’d like this team to treat its women well. i’d like them to treat their sapphics right. i believe that they can, i’m not trying to imply otherwise, but UGHHHH man do i think the old product didn’t set itself up well for this. and im just worried that this new team might not care enough to actually give rosemary (or rose and kanaya individually) anything remotely satisfying

[emeraldcast]

@tomemyxxmen continued from [x]

He had to resist rolling his eyes at Charles' response. He wasn't surprised that he was underselling his part in Loki's self improvement, it had become a common theme in their previous conversations. Loki would compliment Charles or credit him with whatever he'd manage to achieve, and Charles would dismiss it with similar claims that it was nothing to do with anything he'd done. Loki wasn't certain if that was because of a lack of confidence in himself, or because he was being overly humble; perhaps it was a mix of both. Whatever Charles' reasons were, Loki knew it was pointless trying to argue with him; and yet, he found himself doing so every time. It had become a habit, a repeated pattern that neither seemed willing to break. ❝ Charles, I'm sure you don't need to read my thoughts to realize I am underselling your part in all of this. If it weren't for you helping clear my mind of the Mind Stone's influence, I am certain that the choices I made would have lead to further suffering. ❞

Loki knew himself well enough to know that the offer the Kang variant had made, would have been too tempting to turn down if it weren't for the people who'd had an impact on his life ever since he himself had become a variant. Charles wasn't the only one who he had to thank for becoming a better person. There was also Mobius, B-15, OB, Sylvie and even good old Casey. Each of them had helped him confront the lies he had trapped himself in, the facade he'd presented to the world to cover up the lost and scared man he was. They had given him the confidence and strength to become the person he was always supposed to be; even if that ultimately meant he would ultimately be separated from them forever.

❝ I am well. ❞ He confirmed, sipping on his own drink. ❝ Living as I should? Well...I suppose that depends on how your view on purpose and destiny. ❞ Fate was a funny thing. He had once rejected it, wanting to make his own choices, he had then felt burdened by it, chasing after a throne he thought he had a right to because of the lies he'd grown up with. Then, he had fought against it again, especially after learning his purpose on the timeline was to cause suffering and die. He'd hated that someone else got to dictate who he was and what impact he had on the 'sacred timeline'. But then he had seen the timelines die over and over, had seen his friends disappear time and time again whilst he tried desperately to stop it from happening. Loki had lost count of how many times he'd timeslipped back, learning more, trying harder until he'd realized what he needed to do. If the Norns plan was for him to sit alone at the end of time, keeping the multiverse alive then yes...he supposed he was living as he should...just not how he wished he should.

It was taking more energy than he thought it would to split himself between his seat and this timeline, but it wasn't too unbearable. He was still developing the skill, he had found it was easier to go to timelines he'd already been to, but as of yet, he'd been unable to get into the TVA. He theorized it was because it was outside of time. But...so was he. It didn't make much sense, but he was sure he'd work it out...eventually. At the very least, coming here wasn't too taxing, and it meant he got to see Charles. The decades he'd spent trying to stop the timelines dying had found him missing their conversations. ❝ What of you? How have you been? You look good; better than when I last saw you...though you'll have to remind me how long it's been. Time works differently where I am. ❞

[astroprompts]

✧ — 𝐒𝐀𝐌 𝐎'𝐍𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐀 𝐀𝐂𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐌𝐘 𝐃𝐈𝐀𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐔𝐄 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐒

“Some philosophers have called boats the airplanes of the sea.”

“You’re the reason I grew up with a lingering resentment towards authority!”

“Okay, rough start. But definitely not a sign of things to come.”

“The vast nexus of pointless diversions we call the internet actually has a couple productive things to do on it.”

“Fate is a fickle thing. Some of us may try to defy it’s will, but there are enough small businesses with Pizza Hut roofs out there to tell you that such a thing is ultimately futile.”

“Hmm, all the rich guys I know are in positions of power. I should run for office!”

“It ain’t so easy living in a place where plants can’t grow and being naked for an hour means certain death.”

“Welp, so much for real life.”

“Apparently ‘I’m mad butthurt’ isn’t a valid reason for prosecution.”

“Well, when your devotion to God has failed you, there’s only one path in life left; time to become a lawyer!”

“You can’t always get what you want. Unless that thing is getting everyone to hate you. That’s extraordinarily easy!”

“Y’know who likes pointless novelties like that? The incredibly rich!”

“As we know, with great power comes great tomfoolery.”

“Was there ever a human soul as profoundly asinine and willfully ignorant as Amelia Bedelia?” 

“After peanut butter and chocolate, my favorite combination of two things is probably gross incompetence and high explosives.”

“In the words of Danny DeVito; when I’m dead, just throw me in the trash!”

“Oh god dammit, not you again.”

“I’d love to stay and chat, but I saw some trash outside that looked delicious.”

“Y’know what, kid? You’re alright.”

“Say, how’s about we ditch this musty old mausoleum and go back to my place?”

“Fuck you, don’t try to downplay my suffering!”

“I just got shin-bashed in the dick bag! THAT is the proper level of vulgarity relative to the situation!”

“My very being is on fire, and my only desire left is for death himself to bless me with merciful relief.”

“And just when things looked like they couldn’t get any worse, they got worse.”

“Don’t eat strange bread. You could trip balls and die.”

“Fuck you, you cheeseburger slut!”

“We all have our guilty pleasures in life.”

“The human spirit is a very powerful thing.”

“I’m like 90% certain that if I’m ever forced to dance with death, my soul is pussying out to the great beyond first thing.”

“Stories about wayward corpses have certainly carved their niche in today’s media.”

“My personal favorite part of the holiday experience is where we systemically brainwash children into thinking there are supernatural beings who judge their every move and invade their house at night.”

“After reviewing our data, I've come to the scientific conclusion that uh... Yeah, we got a goddamn demon on our hands.”

“Not all stories have a point to them. Sometimes they're just sad and disgusting from beginning to end.”

“If I learned anything from my middle school career, it's that what may seem like a good idea initially will often be remembered only as a foolish mistake.”

“Cartoons are the arbiters of deceit.”

“Excuse me, would you kindly cut the shit?”

“Hey, free drinks are free drinks.”

“Even if I could wrap my head around all this, it'd probably be boring as hell.”

[gongjunsimon]

210327 Gong Jun Letter to Wen Kexing

To My Wen:

Still remember during that big rain in Hengdian on 3rd June last year, that was my first time walking into your world, to experience your life that had been corroded by hatred, to undergo your difficulties and salvation, to mull over your deeply felt pain.

A year has passed, 'Word of Honor' has reached a full-stop, and for you, isn't it time you put down your fixations, and come to the mortal realm to take a look.

Our world, is very different from the place you lived in. There is no Ghost Valley here, there are no unresolvable hatred or pointless killing, you don't have to clench your fists and hide your thoughts, when you want to laugh you can laugh freely, when you want to cry you don't have to forcefully hold it in.

I remember that you once said, you lived your entire life in untimeliness.

Your world was once covered in darkness, you relied on your own strength to slowly break free from the human hearts and ghosts

You avenged the deep blood debt of your parents, you chased the monsters back to hell, opened the Armoury that was locked for a long time, met your best "zhi ji" Zhou Zishu.

But regret and pain is unavoidable, throughout this whole path you lost many important people, your sister A Xiang who was like your kin, Aunt Luo whose kindness that is too much to repay, Long Que, and many other innocent people who had to suffer.

Sometimes I think, if Wen Kexing lives in my parallel world, what kind of person will he become?

What to do in the mortal realm, so it doesn't become a wasted trip?

Like his parents, become a healer that practices medicine to save lives? Become a widely respected hero who upholds goodness and vanquishes evil? Or be a normal and happy person?

In the past, I did not have an answer, but now I think that, there doesn't exist a singular answer.

The story of Wen Kexing in the mortal realm, has to be written by yourself.

The mortal realm is filled with fireworks, there's joy and there's pain.

Lao Wen, stop letting it be so difficult for yourself, and don't bury everything inside your heart. You have to be better to yourself, all your choices, will all lead to the best arrangements.

Recently, the temperature is slowly rising again, everything around appears filled with life, spring is right before our eyes.

Outside the window the sounds of birds can be heard. many light breezes blows by, the noisy streets, the continuous cars, the bustling pedestrians, everyone has their own sorrows and happiness. Actually, a simple life is quite interesting too.

And the sunlight is warm, it is the warmth that you have always yearned to have, you'll like it.

Lao Wen, considering your ordinary dish ordering skills, when you're here, I'll order a table of good food, to give you the best welcome.

Taking a trip to the mortal realm, you have to bask under the sun more.

If it's possible, let us begin a new life.

Wen Kexing, how lucky I am to have met you, I once walked with you through the hardship of the human world and the desolation of the human feelings, next I also want to bring you to taste the sweetness and bitterness of the human world.

Drink a flask of fine wine, savour the flourishing and the loneliness of the world.

But you mustn't worry about the journey here, I will personally wait for your arrival.

Going to separate from you, like we had just met yesterday.

Determined heart, without any regrets left in the world.

When the bright moon is in the clear sky, is when we'll meet again in the mortal realm.

Gong Jun

2021.3.21

written at night

[juliankayed]

Pillow talk was a perk of his job. He enjoyed listening to the trials and tribulations of the women who contacted him for his services. It was a little reminder that everyone had something going on in their life - it worked as a pleasant reminder that people who had their lives more well-put-together than he did suffered the same kind of ache. Not everyone was immune to misery in some form, fate leveled the playing field across the board.

Whether he was himself or someone they asked him to be didn't matter. He listened all the same, offered the best advice he could give if they wanted his two cents or simply allowed himself to be a sounding board. It was how they opened themselves up ... left his service feeling a little lighter, a little better than they did coming in.

Karen was not a client. She'd never paid for his time or talents and yet Julian offered them freely. Perhaps he saw an echo of himself in her: troubled and seeking to salve wounds with temporary fixes instead of meeting them head on. He knew trauma when he saw it; always in the eyes, portals to the soul, and in the moments where Julian let his own guard down he was sure that the hurt etched itself deep into the lines beside his own deep browns. He never commented on it, simply allowed Karen to do with him whatever made her feel temporarily better in those moments. It made him feel good, too.

The truth was he really liked her. It was scary.

Cheek pressed into his arm where he lay across the width of the bed on his stomach beside her. The blankets were askew, barely covering their skin or anything about them at all (not that it mattered, considering what they'd just spent their time doing to and with one-another). In the afterglow of sex he allowed soft laughter and banter to fill the sunlit hotel room and if he closed his eyes he could still pretend that it was Los Angeles outside instead of the cold, cruel backlight of New York City. But none of that mattered. What mattered was the company.

"What do you regret most?"

The question gave him pause. Mindlessly with his free hand he traced pointless patterns against the round of her shoulder. He enjoyed the sunny gold of her hair, the contrast against freckles where they sprayed themselves on her skin like dappled paint. He liked the vibrant blue of her eyes and the pout of her lips when she didn't tug them up into a smile (he liked that, too). With his knuckles he brushed at those soft gold strands, revealed more shoulder to move against, and burrowed his cheek against his arm.

"I don't regret meeting you."

Even if they enabled some of the worse habits between the two of them. (He wouldn't mention the lines of coke he'd done before they got together last night. Just like she wouldn't bring up any of her bad habits). There was something so painfully honest about her that he found refreshing. Nothing in his life was ever honest, not like her.

But that was evading the question and he doubted she'd let it go so easily. Tongue parted lips, wet them as he thought the question through more sincerely. What did he regret most? What didn't he? When he spoke again his voice was too-soft, painful in how it was both rough and hushed. Painful in how, for just a moment, it wasn't Julian Kaye speaking but young Johnny Henderson and all of his pain and sorrow.

"I regret my momma feelin' like she needed to let me go to survive."

He missed his mother. He wondered so often how she was, even if she had shouted and cursed at him the last time they'd seen one-another. He could never hate her. She'd given so much for him, it seemed impossible. And when he blinked he let little Johnny go, let Julian slide back into place with all of his charm and charisma, all of his bright smiles and flirtatious demeanor. Julian picked his face up from his arm and leaned closer to Karen, pressed a kiss to the round of her shoulder where he'd been giving soft affections moments before.

"But I get to be here with you. Listening to you breathing when you sleep, laughing just for me when we tease each other. Looking at me with those big blue eyes of yours."

And seeing me. But he didn't say that part out loud.

He adorned the comments with a wide smile, then nuzzled the length of his nose against her.

"Tell me you don't have to leave yet?"

@sevenbulletsavior sent a meme.

[rametarin]

Sometimes, abuse looks like disability

As a young man they thought I had ADD because I'm easily distracted. But, because society gives moms special "be belligerent and antagonistic because women are oppressed" cards, it was really a subtle response to the specific ways my psychopathic mom chose to be an abusive narcissistic piece of shit but shake the conventional signs of abuse into more surreal methods that can't be so easily identified.

To this day I can focus on something just fine, but not if some attention whore is in a position where they can get away with passive aggressively coercing my attention and participation with conversation with them, while trying to concentrate on another task. I need to be left alone to do it, and that is unacceptable to many authoritative assholes.

My mother obsessed with demanding more attention from me while "helping me" with my homework than I had left to devote to actually doing the homework. Telling someone to think and then filling their mental hard points of contact with garbage and demanding their focus be entirely on you, is counterproductive.

So they said I had attention deficiency and wrote me off as ADD. The school tried to demand I be put on drugs. Mom didn't like that.

Society wrote mothers a free pass to abuse their kids minds and souls and loudly gave criteria on exactly what rules would constitute abuse vs. what was fair game. And so they skirted the rules when they wanted to be abusive cunts but get away with it, or they ignored the rules and got taken to task by authorities for abuse.

Her mouth was always flapping, and she was always demanding I not only pretend to listen, but give a synopsis on what she just said. And she did not make it easy; she went on 40 second to minute long pointless diatribes and then checked at the end to make sure I was listening in to ALL of it, not just the important bits.

And as a result of this, in public school I couldn't function to think, because I would always focus on the whispers of the other kids or the noises going on around me, trained to respond to sounds as if they were important. My ability to filter out and focus on my task rather than listen to stupid people unhelpfully spout their braindead opinions was degraded.

This is absolutely not the same thing as ADD/ADHD. Outside of being forced to live with this disgusting, selfish, narcissistic cunt, I can function normally. It's only when she's allowed to impose herself in my life with impunity, does my life and habits suffer.

[impandgnomes]

Staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan (pls) (for the ask thing i mean asdfghjkl;)

lmao ty - lemme do this a sec

1: sexuality headcanon

The boy is bi. Don't ask me how I feel it with such certainty, but I feel it. Also not sexuality, but potentially enby and I feel that in my soul.

2: otp

If I were to put him romantically with someone, I guess Kyle? Those two have a bond that is too adorable however you cut it. I've always had a soft spot for close male friendships in stories goofy or serious, it seems (Egg moment? Egg moment...you don't exactly get that in life when you look like a girl lmao)

3: brotp

Besides Kyle, I'm hoping we'll see more of him and Tolkien hanging out fr. Honestly, I think it would be too niche for an episode but like imagine those two getting Kyle into Warhammer. It would be funny.

4: notp

Sorry, but Wendy can do better. Like maybe they could be friends, and I'm never gonna object to art of the two of them but she really shouldn't stay with him lmao. She's 10 but like...surely even she knows the truth here lmao

5: first headcanon that pops into my head

You know what? He's going to be the second character ever that I claim eats peanut butter with a spoon directly from the jar. That headcanon is so specific and pointless that it's funny. The other one with that honor is one I used to RP from another show back when that was airing (and if you ask certain family members is literally me - someone I know might be reading knows who, but I'll leave the rest of you to guess). In Stan's case, I like to think that Shelley is very vocal about how much it pisses her off and wonders why he can't just make a sandwich lmao.

My other bitter headcanon is the feeling that Matt and Trey are going to keep his family on Tegridy for as long as possible because it's funny to them (both in terms of writing and fan reaction), but honestly kinda breaks my heart that he lives so far from the other three little guys right now.

6: favorite line from this character

Another time where I legitimately cannot think of a single line (but instead many), so I'm just going to embed this because honestly everyone kind of slayed in this scene and I guess technically it's an answer:

7: one way in which I relate to this character

I was about to say I'd probably have an easier time listing ways I could relate him to other people in my life - there's a couple of people I could think a lot more than myself for - but then realized there are multiple non-bad-but-just-embarrassing things I would decline to state here lmao. The joys of having a character be one of the "normal" ones, I suppose.

That being said, we're both depressed af and 10 years old was a time and a half for me mentally; so I guess that. Finishing YGO/Assburgers both made me like him as a character more and had me staring into silence for like five minutes contemplating my life on an existential level for many reasons lmao

Also growing up, I was known for liking animals and didn't want any to suffer without cause. In my case, I got super obsessed with the RSPCA and I would get called brave by girls at school at the tender age of 8 for touching worms to rescue them from drowning in pavement puddles. idk why this was considered brave, as I was in no way scared to touch worms. Lately it's been making me think that I'd like to get a pet snail again, or at least go outside a bit more again since I've always regretted feeling like I couldn't after I lost a lot of hope in my life.

8: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character

I often say he sometimes needs a hug, but sometimes needs someone to absolutely slap him because he can pull some serious dick moves that make me die a little inside. I feel like if someone were to compare me to him, some of the times where I think he deserved someone slapping him would be the reason somehow and I would be offended but understand lmao

9: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

He's a little problematic, like all of us lmao

[moxiemaemaple]

Working towards what?

I had to drive out of the city today for work. As I was driving the night just looked too stunning. I had to pull over and snap a shot. I found the perfect place with these windmills in the background. Reminded me of a place I use to go with a friend.

We'd drive for hours around these windmills just talking. About life…anything really. I miss conversations like that. People like them. Maybe I'm just so in my feelings I'm blind but I haven't met anyone like those of my past. In this place everyone is wrapped up in something. Grinding for bens, socializing in clique little circles, mindless chit chat about, nothing.

Pointless.

I want to find artists. People with drive. People with passion. Not the person just looking to become a cop but someone who wants to change the system and THAT'S why they want to become a cop. Where is the cashier who dreams of opening their own jewelry store instead of accepting life at the bottom? The stripper who treats the dance like an art form…not just an avenue of cash.

Just feel so full of passion myself. Drive to create, always lost in my head…and I'm surrounded by people just accepting bland life. Life as it is instead of thinking outside the box. So many are blinded by making money they have forgotten the fucking point of living. Guess this is why they call them the starving artist. I rather be broke then drop my standards to the floor. I rather suffer and barely make ends meet than do as others…lost to a system and missing the whole point.

As I build up my first apartment this all becomes glaringly obvious, people. Their materialistic ways. Who wants to talk about the new kettle they thrifted when a contract job just 'freshened' up their jobs available.

Never savoring something.

Never pausing.

Just rather just be alone till I meet people who actually are like me. Want to take time in life…want to enjoy living. Want to enjoy and admire the kettle they got instead of it just being another piece of junk bought. Not grind. Live.

Lonely existence here. Than again being an alien has always felt isolating like this.