#when i was a teenager every time i felt sad i just had to remind myself that i have both parents and a place to live and that’s what matters

[chososdiscordkitten]

You're Mine!

Synopsis: riding choso nd giving him hickeys hehe ^-^

Pairing: Switch!Choso x Fem!Reader Content: No use of y/n, some plot, porn w/ feelings, bite marks, hickeys (m&f), lipstick prints, markings, topics of ownership, praise, riding, hair pulling (M), creampie

Dedicated to; this beloved anon, may your pillows be cold and fluffy 4 the rest of ur life <3

MDNI

Choso didn’t really understand the idea of hickeys and bite marks. Had he bitten you hard enough to leave a mark, wouldn’t it hurt? And aren’t hickeys just bruises made from his lips? 

It didn’t really click in his mind, the idea of pain associated with pleasure- but if you asked him to, he would give you hickeys with a small nibble here or there. 

Giving them was just another task he had to complete when it came to pleasing you- he would happily lap and suckle on the soft skin of your neck and leave blossoming marks on you if it meant you would be happy. 

And when you gave them to him, he still didn’t get why. The process felt terrific, but the aftermath always felt raunchy. Like some horny teenagers who couldn’t control their affections. Or when people looked at the purpling marks on his neck with a little grimace on their faces. 

But when you muttered something into his ear on your way down to the pale skin of his neck- “I want everyone to know you’re mine.” that’s when Choso started associating marks with some kind of ownership. 

If little bruises and remnants of your lipstick where you had kissed him littered his neck, meant he was yours- that was something completely different. Gladly would he offer his skin for you to mark. 

It changed the way Choso looked at the tedious process of giving you small hickeys on your neck and down the swell of your chest. 

It transformed into a way of showing that you were his, just as much he was yours- and that no one else could come near you. 

Wedding rings and necklaces with his initials were one thing—but having a reminder bruised onto your skin. There being no way of removing it other than with time. Just to show people you had a person and didn’t need another. 

It made a particular depraved part of his brain twitch when he would see them on you. Even more when he would see them blooming on his own skin the following day.

Choso had half a mind to tattoo your name on him—just to have a permanent reminder of you etched on his body. 

Nothing, not even time or soap and water, would remove it. But you swatted away those thoughts with the little tickles you would kiss on his skin. 

Thinking how much more enjoyable hickeys and nibbles were than tattoos would be. 

But then came the sad sight of the pretty, pinkish-purple marks fading to an ugly shade of yellow or green. Or the soap scrubbing away the marks your lipstick would leave on his pale skin.

It always made him mournfully graze the diminishing marks in the mirror. 

Though that sight wouldn’t last long, you were always attentive to giving him fresh ones to look at when the fading ones would disappear. 

What you liked most was how fucking sensitive he would get- a few open mouth kisses on his face or his neck, and he would be putty in your hands. 

Even more when he’s sat on the couch beneath you- his hands lazily massaging the malleable skin of your thighs and his head to the side. Giving you the perfect angle to litter his skin with small circles of your spit- beneath the sheen of saliva, a blooming red mark left by your lips. 

With every moan you would vibrate onto his skin- his hands would tighten their grip. Almost urging you to grind onto the growing tent in his as you lapped at his tender skin. 

It didn’t help that you were barely wearing anything- a spaghetti strap tank that rode up your waist with every little grind his hands led you to make. And the only thing separating your core from his tented cock was a pair of panties. 

Supposedly just to do laundry and watch a film while waiting for the first load to finish- your excuse being “There were no clean clothes.” when he asked why you were barely covered. 

And him- a t-shirt and basketball shorts, no boxers because it was as you said, ‘No clean clothes.’

That’s what frustrated Choso the most. So fucking close to your cunt- but two stupid layers of clothing blocking his access. And his lips were far too occupied. Letting out small sighs of content mixed with little whimpers to voice his complaints. 

But you felt just how desperate Choso was starting to get from the way his hips bucked up when you would lightly exhale onto his damp skin. 

A wave of goosebumps rose on his skin with every nibble you would make.

Or how his soft sighs started sounding like whines as your soaked panties would press right against his leaky, clothed tip.

The whimper that left Choso’s lips bordered on a cry when you raised your hips away from him in the slightest. Inching your hand down his torso and dipping your fingers past the elastic of his shorts- your lips refusing to let up the peppering hickeys on his neck.

Your hand lightly grasped his eager shaft, smile forming on your lips against his skin as you released his cock from the prison of his shorts. 

Pulling back and giving him a few gentle strokes as you gazing at Choso's expression. His eyes shut tightly, his bottom lip threatening to quiver with perched eyebrows. And the sharp hiss falling from his parted lips when the ridges of your fingers would roll over his tip. 

Placing a soft kiss on his cheek before sliding your lips to his ear- “Pull them aside.” you commanded with a tone Choso swore you only used to get him to do what you wanted. 

And it always worked. 

His strong hand slid from your hip to your core- greeted with a drenched cotton center as you lapped at his sensitive ear. Whimpering from the light strokes mixed with every sweet exhale you made against the cartilage. 

You couldn’t help the shuddering inhale that left your lips when his finger hooked onto the side of your panties and exposed your sopping cunt to the air. Wasting no time in sliding the tip of his finger up your soaked slit and feeling your hips rise from the feather-like touch. 

As pent up and eager as Choso was- he's never been a monster. Didn’t matter how much precum leaked from his cockhead, he wanted to prep you before anything else. 

But you, the complete opposite. Swatting away his eager-to-please hand with a playful scoff. 

Choso parted his eyes and looked at you, pulling away from his ear with low eyes. His expression all but asking you if something was wrong. 

You lip tucked between your teeth with a strong willed hand grasping at the side of his neck. Taking a humming tone, “Fuck the prep- I need you inside.” you whispered, rolling your palm over his tip and pressing a sloppy kiss onto his lips. 

The kindness of granting you prep had slipped his mind entirely when you looked at him with hungry eyes. So fucking ravenous, you’d risk displeasure just to have his cock inside. 

To have a part of him, inside. 

Choso eased his grip on your sides, feeling your hand grasp right below his cock head and feeling your hips rise a bit more. A hand on the side of his neck with a tucked lip- bracing for the stretch.

The little moan that left his lips bordered on being a shuddering whimper at the heat emitting from your entrance. And when he felt the taught muscle of your cunt press right against his tip- Choso swore he would cum right then and there. 

He had far too little time to prepare himself to not spurt his mess before any real fun started, and your denial for prep didn’t help. The look of pure and utter starvation in your eye, didn’t help. 

The shared inhale of air as you lowered yourself onto him was saccharine to his ears. 

Taught, slick walls that hesitated to welcome him, making his eyes shut again. As though Choso was inviting you to suckle on his neck again, he threw his head back onto the ledge of the couch with a throaty moan. 

And your hips- stuttering with every inch you lowered yourself on. A sharp sigh left your lips before connecting them to Choso’s neck again. Littered with previous blooming marks of a reddish pink. Yet he wanted more. 

And more, you had plenty to give. 

Licking a soft stripe down his adams apple with moans vibrating against him. A soft huff leaving your lips when your clit was flush against his pelvis. Taking your hand and placing it on the hem of his t-shirt. 

Pawing at his happy trail as you lightly rose yourself, your lips sucking on his neck with soft whimpers rumbling from his throat. 

One of Choso’s hands rising up your side and taking the hem of your tank top with it. Pulling your lips from his neck as you slowly rode him. Arching your back to give him a better view of your clothed breasts and seeing Choso’s low eyes lock on them. 

His hand rose past the mound of your breast and freed your nipple from the thin tank. His thumb gave a gentle swipe at the firm bud as your hips took on a frotting motion. His tip nudging right at the sensitive spot with every grind you made. 

Choso broke the gaze he had on your breasts, batting his eyes up to you with a soft whimper. “You’re so pretty.” he hummed, leaning his lips onto the exposed swell of your breast, pressing a gentle kiss onto the soft skin. 

Being able to feel his adoration in the sloppy laps and suckles he made at your chest. 

Lips formed in a soft ‘o’ as your hands reached for the half-removed tank. Slipping it off in its entirety and feeling Choso's hand on your hip, dip beneath the cotton of your panties and grope your ass. 

Your grinds grew in desperation with a slight ache forming in your inner thighs. Your hands slipping beneath his t-shirt and lightly clawing at his carved torso. The light stimulation of your clit grinding against his pelvis knocking more honeyed moans out of your lungs. 

Barely able to withstand the burning in your lower spine from how slow you were going. You leaned forward, raising yourself from his cock and holding yourself mid shift. His mouth full of as much of your breast as he could have. (greedy)

Choso batted his eyelashes up to you, pupils in the shapes of hearts at the feeling of your cunt clenching around his shaft.

Trailing his hand from your rib down to your other cheek, two handfuls of ass being used as mounts as he rose his hips from the couch. 

Unwilling to let go of your skin from his mouth- if anything sucking harsher as he plowed his hips up into you. A strained whine leaving your lips from the swift jab, giving Choso the confidence to continue his harsh thrusts. 

Your hands roamed up his arms and settled in his hair, gladly ignoring the little chime that sounded from the laundry machine. Lightly tugging and feeling the grunts and moans rumble onto your tit with every harsh thrust he made. 

The edges of your fingers lightly clawing at his scalp with an orgasm forming in your tummy. As though your twitching walls weren’t enough for Choso- he took his non-dominant hand from your ass, sliding to your inner thighs right where you connected with him. 

Sucking harshly at any untouched patch of skin his plush lips could find. 

His calloused ring and middle finger pressing against your puffy clit making your spine quiver with a shudder leaving your lips. A drawn-out curse littered between your moans was heard as a hymn to Choso's ears. 

As though you were singing praise from the noises you couldn’t control. Looking up at you, the curve of your neck adorned with a light sheen forming from how worked up you were. 

Releasing your skin from his lips with a little pop, his chest heaving with every whimper spilled from his lips. “Am I doing good?” he murmured against your skin. 

A moan almost in frustration at the question left your lips. Choso’s fingers moving sloppily- unable to keep a pattern with his left hand as his relentless hips bucking into you, churning your brain to mush. 

Placing his lips at your sternum- sucking harshly to create those little marks you so loved to see on your skin. As many as he could just to hear your compliments.

Barely able to comprehend his fish for praise- a sharp exhale left your lips. “D-doing so fuckin’ good.” was all Choso needed to hear to release that knot in his tummy he had been holding tightly from the second his tip pushed past your cunt. 

Holding onto his orgasm for as long as he could- so fucking needy to have you finish before him. 

But the twitching walls of your cunt made it too hard for him to keep his focus. 

Pulling away from your sternum, Choso shut his eyes, his lips pressed tightly together and thrusting into you greedily- your lips barely able to form the words, “F-fill me up-” was the last thing Choso heard before doing as you commanded. 

His hips rutted up into you in tandem with every vulgar spurt his cockhead made. White, thick and full of love coating your walls as he continued his mean thrusts. 

Your mess mixed with his spend pooling at his base and dripping down his heavy balls. Choso’s fingers refused to let up- He needed to feel you cum on his cock. 

And with your hands gripping vigorously at his hair- the moans that left your lips bordered on guttural as his hips continued their fast pace. Uncaring if he was overstimulating his cock- Choso was still hard for you. 

His shoulders trembling with unfiltered grunts and whimpers leaving his lips against your skin as he continued.  

Choso’s jaw was clenched, gripping so harshly at your ass his fingertips were turning white, his nose crinkled with his eyebrows pinched. His moans came out stifled from his nose, barely able to keep up the pace. Your tits bouncing in his face from his incessant jabs as you milked his cock for all he had. 

Eyes rolling back from the harsh nudges his overworked tip made against your gspot, mixed with the merciless circles his fingers made against your cunt made your hands pull on his hair unwillingly.

A little tear falling down your cheek from the mouth-watering pleasure—and fucking finally. Your walls started fluttering around his shaft. 

Choked whimpers graced Choso’s ears as his lips sloppily kissed at your sternum. Too overstimulated to give you any more marks of his adoration, and settling on a few lazy pecks. 

Easing your hips back down onto his lap as your breathing steadied. Shivering inhales with lazy hands sliding from his scalp. Inhaling air with an upturn of whimpers as the remnants of his seed trickled out of you.

Resting your temple onto his shoulder with a pleased smile. His cock still throbbing inside of you as you caught your breath. 

Blinking your eyes up at him as though you weren’t the one who instigated the mess that spilled between you. 

Choso looked back at your pleased expression- fucked out and happy. A sprinkle of smugness in your smile, but still. you were happy. 

Smiling to himself at how convincing the little glimmer in your eyes was- how you could convince Choso himself that you were innocent in all of this. 

Knowing full well that he would be sent to go put that load of laundry to dry before coming back and giving you another load of his. And happy to do so. 

-

(a.n) I doodled mpeg Choso, pregnant with my kids on company time. that's the level of insane im at rn

[vintagebishx]

ULTRAVIOLENCE theodore nott

“i love you the first time

i love you the last time…”

- lana del rey

PAIRINGS: toxic!theodore nott x fem!reader

WARNINGS: use of y/n, she/her pronouns, very much angsty, smoking, toxic relationship and very much toxic theo, mentions of bruises, just want to make clear that i am not romanticising this type of “love” whatsoever!

SUMMARY: in which, she can’t get away from his “love”…

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

THE COLD AIR of the dark, and starry sky hit her face as she stood in the astronomy tower with a cigarette placed between her lips, and her eyes slightly squinting as the wind was starting to become too much.

her face lacked emotion though, still keeping a straight face as she just stared at the scenery that was playing out before her.

she felt as the smoke entered her body. it was toxic, but she was used to toxic.

she wouldn’t describe the feeling as pleasurable but more of an intense, exhilarating feeling that made her feel like the smoke was carrying out her worries as it left her mouth.

she loved the feeling. she didn’t want to exhale the smoke, but she did. not because she wanted to, but because she had to.

the wind hitting against her red, purplish mark that rested on her arm was enough to make her shudder and wince in slight pain.

her eyes finally ripped away from the outside world, bringing all her attention back to the reality of what was really happening.

she blankly stared at the mark.

a dangerous, yet loving reminder that somebody was there with her.

a reminder that she was loved.

after all, she felt herself wanting to be loved more than she wanted to be alive.

the mark was fresh, unlike her love which was slowly becoming old and outdated to her.

but she still stayed.

for the past five days, night was the only time of the day she found herself taking off her jumper and exposing her painted arm. she knew she would get judged or questioned, but that’s not what she wanted.

she knew that people wouldn’t understand that to her, these marks were symbols of love. a reminder that he still cared about her, providing a feeling that she had always longed for.

acceptance.

for the longest time. she had felt like an outsider in her own life. but when theo came along, he made her feel something. he made her feel special.

she knew it was wrong.

she knew that this type of love that they had going on was not the right way to go. yet every time she expressed her doubts to him, he would just pull her closer, wrap his arms around her and reassure her that he loved her.

and of course, she gave in.

and it wasn’t only because she loved him so dearly, it was because he provided a sense of security and reassurance that nobody had ever offered to her.

she wanted so badly to cry and let some emotion out but over time, she had taught herself how to conceal that very well.

he never liked it when she cried.

he claimed that she was “too pretty to cry”, and that she should never cry in front of him.

so like a fool in love, she obeyed.

she made sure that he never saw the water that would constantly threaten to slip from her dark eyes. but for now, she was all alone.

so instead of doing her usual routine of sucking it up, she let them fall. a small sigh of relief leaving her mouth when doing so as her tears began to ruin the mascara that was perfectly applied to her face.

a sigh escaped her mouth, the feeling of the tears rolling down her cheek were refreshing, like something she had never felt before.

she brought her cigarette back up to her mouth, her hands slightly shaking as she was beginning to feel overwhelmed by the “sudden” wave of sadness entering her body.

she felt so lonely in such a busy world, this was a feeling that was always with her since she first became a teenager.

she watched as the smoke that escaped her mouth now blew away freely into the air, staring at it with envy. she was jealous of how free the smoke was, unlike her who felt trapped in a place that was supposed to provide her “freedom”.

the sudden sound of footsteps was what immediately silenced her, scaring her from turning around in case it was a professor.

i mean, God forbid it was Snape who found her.

but it wasn’t.

instead, she recognised the footsteps.

she slowly turned her head to the side, using her peripheral view to see exactly who it was. theodore.

her eyes remained on him as he walked closer and closer to her, her mouth slowly going agape as she waited to see what he would do or say.

“y/n…” he began.

his voice. his oh so soft voice that made her fall even more in love with him than when she first met the boy two years ago. his voice lured her in for a quick second, making her feel everything she would feel for him whenever he would hold her tight and reassure her that he loved her, even after doing her dirty most times.

“i’ve been looking for you everywhere.” he continued as he was getting even closer. but y/n just stared at him, quickly getting out of whatever trance he had put her in unknowingly.

the girl watched as he got closer. she suddenly dropped her cigarette on the floor before backing away from the boy who just kept approaching her, “get the fuck away from me.” she harshly spat, forced to use her inside voice as she didn’t want to get caught out here, especially with a boy after hours.

“woah, calm down princess…” he said in attempts to calm her down as he stared at her. his eyes dropped down to her arm and the painted bruise that laid on it, “i’m not gonna hurt you.” he reassured her, trying to reach his arms out to her but she rejected.

“you already did.” she said sternly.

she took a moment to look at him, admiring how the moon reflected on his carefully crafted features that were just so beautiful. her breaths became a little shaky, his eyes glistened as he looked at the girl and the state that she was in.

but she didn’t care about how he viewed her at that moment, she just wanted him gone.

“so don’t try to fucking touch me.” she said harshly, resulting in theo to slowly furrow his eyebrows.

“me, hurt you?” he asked in a condescending tone as he walked closer and closer to her. but y/n continued to back further away from him, not wanting to be anywhere near him.

the feeling of her back hitting a stone wall causing her breathing to fault as she knew that that he was going to use this to his advantage. she could’ve sworn she saw a small smirk appear on his face, one that quickly disappeared once he finally reached her.

his cold, cold eyes looked down at her, taking in her beauty that was to die for. his eyes scanned all over her face, the bright moonlight showing every single minute detail that captivated him the moment he first saw her.

y/n knew he was staring. she could feel his harsh gaze on her, but she had her head turned to the side, avoiding him as her breaths were shaky and a few tears rolled down her face.

she knew what the consequences would be if she even glanced at him. it was a cycle. she’d fall into his obvious trap, he’d hold her close and whisper sweet lies in her ear, then they would be together the next day just to break up again days later.

“i would never hurt you y/n.” he muttered as his low eyes remained on her, staying focused on the tears that freely rolled down her cheeks.

y/n nearly scoffed at his words, but she chose to stay silent. she didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of her reaction because he lied.

after all, it was what he did best.

his cold, cold eyes stayed glued to her features, his attention drawing to the tears that rolled down her cheeks. he brought his hand up to her jaw, grabbing onto it with a little bit of pressure.

she shivered.

his touch feeling so comfortable, yet so unsettling to her.

he wasted no time in turning her head over to him, forcing her to look at his face. his low eyes analysed her face as the bright moonlight reflected on her beauty face. he just looked a her while she stood there, her breaths even becoming shaky as her mouth was left slightly agape.

“so beautiful mi amore.” he muttered, his eyes flickering down to her beautifully full and succulent lips.

“your so pretty when you cry,” he added. his thumb found its way to her cheek, wiping the tears off of her cheek.

“but you know i hate it when you do…” theo spoke in a quiet voice.

his voice.

his voice sounded like a melody that made her want to listen to it over again. his soft, yet assertive voice was what caught her in the obvious trap that he had set out. she found herself staring deeply into his eyes, like a lost puppy. his beautiful eyes made her heart skip a beat as his gaze was so comforting.

silence found its way between the two, the only thing audible being the loud winds that hurled.

her eyebrows furrowed at just feeling of his thumb grazing her cheek slowly, she brought her hand up and wasted no time in removing his thumb.

“i-i can’t keep doing this.” said y/n as she shook her head, she knew how it would all end if she stayed and she wasn’t ready for that outcome.

“we aren’t good for each other.” she mumbled out truthfully, but theo just furrowed his eyebrows at her words. she looked away from him, avoiding his intoxicating, yet addictive gaze.

“why?” he simply asked, removing his hands from her jaw before brining it down to her waist. his touch brought her butterflies, a feeling that she knew she shouldn’t of been feeling.

but she couldn’t help it.

the feeling of his fingertips against her skin brought back many memories, good and bad. the nostalgia of how good he’d make her feel while inside of her, whispering in her ear that she was beautiful, or that she was all he ever wanted. but memories of how he’d harshly grab her, or how she’d roughly push him away from her came rushing back.

“can’t you see that we’re perfect together?” he asked her as he stepped even closer to her body, “we can’t ruin this my love.” he muttered.

his words ran through her mind. the thing was, they weren’t perfect. far from it even.

y/n felt her self going crazy.

she was tired. tired of feeling drained, tired of waiting for him to change, tired of feeling utterly dehumanised, and tired of feeling fucking crazy whenever she was around him.

if it was love, she wouldn’t of felt this agonising feeling when with him, if it was love she wouldn’t of constantly looked at him with disgust, if it was love she wouldn’t of had these marks all over her. but she was afraid to leave him, afraid as this was truly the only “love” she knew.

“no…” she mumbled quietly as she looked at him, “this isn’t love.” she spoke, motioning her hands between them both. theo just looked down at her, his hand remaining on her waist as his expression just stayed emotionless.

his once comforting touch now felt sour, she quickly pushed him off of her causing him to slightly stumble back.

“what the f-” “shut the fuck up theo…” she harshly spat, her eyes filled with disgust as she looked him up and down.

“i-i can’t keep doing this… i can’t keep waiting for you to finally see me and treat me like a human.” she expressed, “you don’t care about me theo, you never did.” she added.

theo let out a small sigh, “i do care about-” “just shut up, please”.

“your an awful person theo, i just hope you realise that someday.” she said truthfully, but theo just rolled his eyes at her words as he was used to hearing that.

his eyebrows furrowed as he walked closer to the girl once more, y/n just watched him. she watched him keep his eyes on her with this dark, eerie aura which strongly radiated from him.

“but you don’t say that when we’re alone together.” he muttered, his body basically against hers as he looked down at her. her soft beat was all he could feel against his chest, something that he was used to hearing and breaking.

“when my hands are all over you,” he continued lowly as his eyes now scanned her body.

“or even when i’m inside-” “that’s enough.” she quietly spoke as she dropped her eyes to her feet, but the seriousness in her tone was enough to make him shut up.

“i don’t deserve this. i deserve a love that’s pure, deep, a-and passionate. not this.” she said before looking back up at him, who was already staring.

theo let out a breathy laugh, his perfect teeth being exposed as a smile rested on his face.

“and who will give you that?” he asked her as his smile dropped, “hm?” he continued, waiting for an answer to drop out of her mouth. her words were practically a joke to him.

“all the other boys waiting for you to disappear.” she quickly replied, and she wasn’t lying.

she really did have a lot of boys trying to get to her but the only thing holding her back was theo. it didn’t help that everyone knew how possessive he got with her, causing every man to avoid her like the plague.

his eyes spent a moment scanning her perfect face, a confused expression on his face even though nothing had been said.

he suddenly lifted his hands and brought them to her face, his large hands cupped her cheeks as his thumb slowly grazed her soft skin. his eyes were constantly flicking between her lips and eyes, licking his lips before opening his mouth to talk.

his hands were soft, like butter.

it was a feeling that she had always loved against her skin, it felt so comforting to her.

“go ahead, nobody’s stopping you.” he said cooly, “but when each of them start to randomly disappear, don’t get shocked sweetheart.” he told her coldly.

his face was serious, a face and tone that she was extremely familiar with.

“no one will ever love you like i do my love.” he mumbled, slightly distracted as his attention was really just on her.

“and even if they try to…” he began, “i’ll blow their brains out, no hesitation.” he said with a straight face.

his tone was collected, almost as if he hasn’t said the most incriminating thing ever.

she wanted so badly to freak out over his words, but part of her felt flattered over his obsessive tendencies. maybe she felt this way because it was him who was talking, or maybe it was because of how protected he made her feel, or maybe it was the fact that being loved harshly was the only type of love she knew and was actually good at.

now here she was, a conversation that began with a determined y/n was now slowly disintegrating into her melting into his hands like putty.

but aside from that, she tried to hide how she felt by letting an expression of disgust rest on her face. she didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of seeing her fold this fast.

“why can’t you just leave me alone? aren’t you tired of this, constantly trying to chase me?” she questioned, “your pathetic.” she spat.

“because when will you get it through your thick head that you don’t need anybody else but me?” he asked her, his tone was harsh as he furrowed his eyebrows and waited for an answer.

his expression suddenly softened as his eyebrows relaxed, “i see you with another man then i’ll kill you and whoever it is.” he said calmly.

“you wouldn’t even try.” she said bluntly, but theo only let out a laugh, not really buying whatever act she was trying to keep up.

“you know how bad i can get…” he said, his bottom lip finding its way between his teeth as he began to think about the different ways he’d punish her for her actions.

“you’re mine.” he continued.

those words were so simple, yet effective.

she knew it was a lie. she knew that he was full of shit half of the time, but it was something about him that kept dragging her back to him. she was so embarrassed to admit how dumb she looked continuously going back to him but she couldn’t explain it.

he was like a deadly drug that she was constantly drawn to, addictive.

he slight leaned his head down, his succulent lips making its way to her cheeks as they kissed them softly. he wasted no time in moving his hands from her cheeks down to her waist as he began to move his kisses down to her neck, becoming harsher, and harsher.

his lips were soft. sometimes cold, sometimes warm but that never distracted her from the fact that every time she kissed him or felt his lips attach to her body, she would have this dizzy feeling take over her system. she even felt it at that moment.

his kisses feeling like true love, a feeling that she always felt when with him but just hated to admit it to anyone, and even herself because she knew that what they had was far from it.

y/n stared blankly ahead of her, too ashamed to feel any pleasure from his sweet sensations of love.

she wanted to deny him so bad but she couldn’t, she was addicted to this man and there was no turning back.

AUTHOR SPEAKS!

it’s low-key been a while, but i was just trying to focus on some drafts.

i’m aware that people want a part two of “for the first time” which i really wasn’t expecting. i have been trying to think of a part two but writers block hit me harddd, but there will be one dw!!



[goldustwomun]

slipping through my fingers (s.b.)

pairing: sirius black x younger potter!reader

summary: something about your relationship with sirius black had never sit quite right with you, and now that he's back after two years of travelling the world, you're beginning to think that you'll soon find out what'll happens if the two of you finally fall over the edge of whatever precipice you've been teetering close to all these years. plus, you've got to work with him all summer, so what's the worst that could happen?

warnings: allusions to sex (minors dni!!!), swearing, more of a miserable sirius this time, reader is self-deprecating and talks about not feeling 'enough' (you are babes x), loads of miscommunication or rather inability to say what you mean (it's me I'M READER), i love drama at a dinner a party sooo

wc: 3.3k+

note: somewhat proud of this so help a girl out by reblogging x

pt i. / pt ii.

Slipping through my fingers all the time I try to capture every minute The feeling in it

The rest of the week flew by much the same. You opened up the shop, shoving the collection of Dickens to stop the door from slamming into you, Sirius crashed in late everyday, so much so that you told him to not even bother apologising (that being said, he hadn’t apologised in the first place). When the two of you spoke, you tried your best to not catch his eye too often. 

Instead, you busied yourself with picking up a novel for you to read inbetween the morning and late-afternoon rush. There were always a few stragglers that ventured through the door in between peak hours, and it was only after the third or fourth go-around of a gaggle of teenagers that had stumbled in, giggling and hiding their grins behind their palms, that you realised they were more of a ‘Sirius Black’ fan club as opposed to actual customers.

You let them have at him considering the few moments of peace it gave you. 

And maybe if you put down your book or halted your busy hands whilst counting the cash or checking the inventory for the fourth time that day, you might just notice how much it bothered you. 

Growing up and finding Sirius in your midst more often than you'd have liked meant countless friendships made and lost over someone or the other wanting just a glimpse of his attention. Anytime you pass the ice cream parlour down the road from your house, you’re reminded of Macy Adams – a pretty thing with pin-straight, jet black hair and pouty lips to complete the look – using you to get to him. 

He never let anything go further than an odd flirty comment here and there with your friends (which you’ll admit was kind of him to do considering he was a hormonal teenager at the time), but you were frankly sick of it.

Because you’d never understand why.

Why him? And why you?

You’d never shared that same rose-coloured view of Sirius, never felt the same burst of butterflies from your first teenage crush being him.

Or maybe you had and it was just easier to hate him than it was to like, let alone love, him. 

So, yes. It was really starting to get on your nerves, if you were being honest. More than you’d ever care to admit.

What’s worse is that his words from days ago wouldn’t stop playing over in your head, like that one Pink Floyd tape you'd gotten stuck in the receiver and no matter or banging or prodding would get it loose.

And you had that he was right about it all -- that, in many ways, you were miserable about life and love (or lack thereof). Maybe forcing those around you to share those same feelings alleviated some of the pains and aches. 

'Cause yes, you were cranky and grouchy and frankly, a bit of a brat more often than not. You blamed it on being the baby of the family, call it youngest child syndrome, but damn it– you had been twelve and mourning your childhood, and now at twenty-something, those aches had yet to subside.

Yet you couldn’t stop it. The hate and the anger and the frustration at a world that had left you behind. Your stomach lurched at the sudden bites of sadness when a day had gone by and you’d not accomplished anything.

So when Sirius flaunts into your kitchen with a hangover and a few hickies down his neck, and your parents pat him on the back, congratulating him for his very existence (at least, you assume that's it) -- it stings. You've hated him for it, always have, but maybe you also loved hi–

No. You couldn’t.

One day, Sirius was scolding James for tugging at your pigtails, and the next, he was pulling them himself.

It didn’t matter anyway. Sirius Black would never be a pivotal part of your life. You’d keep him waiting on the sidelines, only to occasionally bump into him on holidays and during family gatherings. Sure, you you both tossed petty insults at each other every now and again, but other than that, you needn’t see him. 

Outside of your nine-to-five at the bookstore, of course. 

You returned to the words of the book you’d chosen, pleading with your mind to focus once more. You’d changed the sleeve, not wanting Sirius to see what you were reading so intently. 

Was it really so bad? A young girl – nay, a youthful girl, with interests, needs and desires that were essentially unmet for the time being. It was normal to want to read about whirlwind fictional romances, fantasise about having someone close, kissing you, touching you, being yours and no one else’s.

You weren’t about to add to Sirius’ list of things to tease you for by clueing him in on the fact that you were sitting right next to him, reading filthy, irredeemable smut with not a single suitor lined up to help you out. 

He was sat behind the counter with you, the store empty, with a journal and fountain pen in hand as he scribbled away about something or the other. You were convinced he was writing angsty poetry about the blonde who’d left him to travel around Amsterdam (yes, the same one he’d met only a week earlier), but something about the furrow between his brows had you questioning such a dismissive assumption.

Sirius peered over at you. You only knew because you’d grown accustomed to the sensation of his eyes watching your every week for the past week. Other than polite exchanges and a question every now and again about the dewey decimal system, you’d not spoken a word to each other.

You weren’t sure if the ceaseless, stabbing pain in your chest was relief or something worse.

Regret?

You were on the verge of telling him off for staring when the door jingled announcing someone’s arrival. Looking up from the blurring words on the page, you were met with the scheming grin of your brother, James.

“Hullo there lovely, lovely, people!” he hollered with only a smidge too much of enthusiasm. You worried his face might get stuck with how wide (and forced?) his smile seemed to be. 

“Why are you so happy?” you questioned abruptly, brow raised with suspicion.

“My sweet, innocent, little sister. Is your life so miserable that a singular smile makes you uncomfortable?” he teased in that boyish way of his.

You shifted uncomfortably in your seat, reminded of the very similar accusations Sirius had thrown at you last time you two had dared to face each other head on.

You could see– no, feel him straighten next to you at James’ words, arm brushing against yours enough that you tried to discreetly move away. 

He looked almost upset when you did finally turn to look at him, but he quickly snapped his attention back to James instead. “Don’t be a dick to your sister, James,” he scolded, and James must not have thought much of the uncharacteristic chide because he continued unperturbed. 

“Yeah, yeah. Anyway. I’ve entered your humble store to invite the two of you to a dinner party tonight at ours’. Mum and Dad have offered to take Harry for the night, so a soiree of our first night back on the ‘scene’ since becoming parents seemed in order,” he explained, all flourishing hands and expectant smiles.

“So, can I take it that I'll be seeing the two of you later?”

Sirius nodded immediately but you struggled for an excuse reasonable enough to get out of it.

“I don't know, James. I have so much to do here and– you know– Dad wants the inventory done and all that. It’s really just– yeah. I don’t think so...” You cringed at how you'd managed to stumble over just about every word, hoping, praying, neither James nor Sirius would call you out on your barely concealed attempts to avoid Sirius for at least a few more days.

It was Sirius’ turn to tease you, despite having restrained himself from doing so all week.

“Well shit, mini Potter. You’ve managed to say so much and yet so little at the same,” he pointed out, nudging your side.

You scoffed at him in return, crossing your arms out of protest. “And I saw you do inventory already. In fact, I saw you do it, then do it again, then again and– ah, yes. Again.”

You aimed a glare right at him, and his only response was a hesistant smile.

James stepped in once more with an– “Alright-y then, I will be seeing you both tonight. 7:30pm. Bring a bottle because we don’t have any and Lily is dying for a glass now that she’s not breastfeeding.” He walked the short distance towards the door, called out– “don’t be late” –then disappeared into the bustle on the street. 

It took all of two seconds of James being gone before you spun to face Sirius, clouds swarming behind your eyes. “What’d you do that for, Sirius?” you questioned indignantly.

“Well, you see, you were lying and I corrected you. Now you’re going to your brother’s ‘soiree’. Really, I don’t think it’s that complicated, love,” he answered matter-of-factly. “It's not like theere's a genuine reason to not want to go, other than, let's say... avoiding me?" he asked, cautious as if worried you'd bite.

“Well– yes– but– I mean, no that's not it--”

“So I’m right. Right?” he cut in, standing up from the stool with a loud scrape against the floor. He squeezed your shoulder once as he moved out from behind the counter and headed for the aisles of books. “Great, so I’ll see you tonight.”

Well, fuck. 

You were reluctant when you stuffed your feet into your shoes and reluctant when you apparated to the (other) Potter’s doorstep, and reluctant, once more, when you knocked on the front door. Only seconds later was Remus swinging the door open. You offered him a shy smile– finding him to be both the most chivalrous and kind of your brother’s friends – before stepping inside and hanging your coat on the peg.

It was only 7:45 but there must have been at least twenty or so people hanging around the living room, glasses in hand with the crackling stereo speakers switching between the Beatles and Slade and the odd Blondie track you were sure Lily had threatened James to include. 

“Quite a crowd already,” you noted, hanging back, stiff and awkward, and feeling utterly out of place with your brother’s friends. They were all parents and spouses and had jobs that afforded them a house of their own. They were only a few years older yet miles ahead of where you were, and it was only seeing all of their faces in one room that you realised your own predicament.

“Yeah, I think we all realised it’s been a hot minute since anyone’s thrown any kind of party, so in our eagerness we all showed up about thirty minutes early,” he mused. “Lily was livid. Her hair was still in those curling contraptions.”

“You mean... curlers?” you pointed out, charmed. 

“Ah, yes. Curlers,” he teased back.

It was only then that you realised you hadn’t quite had a proper conversation with Remus since, well, ever. And it was nice, normal, and not nearly as infuriating as just about every conversation you’d had with Sirius.

You could feel him staring at you from the corner of your eye, so when he offered to get you a drink – “A raspberry cider, please. Lily keeps them in the cabinet in the kitchen for me,” – you accepted, taking a moment to internally scold yourself for instinctively thinking of him every time something happened to you.

While you waited for Remus to return, you ventured into the hall in search of James. You figured you better make yourself known so he doesn’t accuse you of skiving your own brother’s party. 

You only managed a step or two past the threshold when a hand reached for your own, tugging you into the closet.

It was pitch black and you’d been on the verge of letting out a blood-curdling scream before a dim, orange glow bathed the cramped room.

Your vision focused, first, on the hanging tether of the light, and then Sirius’ face behind it. He looked to be somewhere between panicked and restless, and really, it was appropriate considering the beating you were pondering laying out on him.

And you hated to even think it but he looked good. All scruff and unruly hair like he couldn't stop combing his fingers through the strands, and he smelled of pine and wood and books and--

“Sirius?!"

"I can explain--" he began but you held up your hand to silence him. He must have noticed the murderous rage brewing behind your irises because, for once, he did, in fact, stop talking.

"I'm not just-- you can't just-- what the fuck are you doing pulling oblivious girls into closets, you fucking weirdo!” you scolded, your voice coming out as more of a whisper than a shout so as not to alert anyone of your current situation. 

“No, Potter, you see, I just wanted to--” and it was amusing, really, to see him struggle for once. Tripping over vowels and consonants like he'd had you (you'd never tell him that though) and every other girl to enter within a metre's radius of him doing so.

“You just what?” you bit out, growing impatient as the seconds passed by.

You wondered if Remus was looking for you now, or if he’d grown bored and moved onto the brunette you knew he had pined after for years.

“Look– if you want to lecture me again about how I’m a miserable, terrible, fucking horrible, even, person– save it. I get it. I know. I’ve heard it from you and James and I’m pretty sure Mum said it to Aunt Ca–”

“No, love, no,” he cut you off, again.

You tried to ignore how that was twice, now, that he’d referred to you so endearingly, so out of character. It bugged you but not for reasons you were willing to admit.

“I mean– yes, I want to talk about that but not to lecture you. Not now. I wanted to apologise,” he continued, forgetting to breathe between words and phrases but it seemed he had set himself in-motion and couldn’t be stopped. “I’ve been a dick, I realise that. And maybe it was a fun little bit between us when we were younger and more stupid–” you frowned at that but let him continue anyway.

“-- But I think we’ve gotten carried away ‘cause, I mean, I sure think Ihave. I said some horrible, untrue things to you that I don’t, not one bit, mean or believe in anyway. And I should have apologised earlier but things were so, so, painfully awkward and you’ve been buried in that book of yours so I just–” he breathed, finally, “I wanted to say I’m sorry. I’m sorry, love.” 

You weren’t sure how to respond or if you were meant to, even, but he was staring all doe-eyed and expectant and freaking cologne of his was all you could smell and really, you blame the prospect of the cider and the scandalous books you’d been reading because you didn’t mean to tug the light off or lean forward and collide with him. 

It just happened.

It was dark and quiet and you could feel him go stiff and your own heartbeat droning on in your ears, but it was only when you began to pull away that he surged forward, too.

Pushing, scrambling, gasping into your mouth before shoving the pair of you into the opposite wall, his large palm covering the back of your head so that even whilst he was devouring you in every sense of the word, your heart raced at his tenderness. 

Your arms clung to his shoulders, pulling him in in in, until there was not an atom’s worth of space between you. The hand not currently cushioning your head moved to hook your leg around his waist, and you opened willingly, pleadingly, melting the moment he slid, firm, against you.

You sighed into his mouth with every caress of his tongue against your own, and questioned your sanity for following through with the very thoughts you’d fantasised about for weeks, months, maybe even years. 

Just as you were reluctant to attend the party in the first place, you were reluctant to pull back even just to breathe but he must have felt the air leaving your lungs as well because he moved to place open-mouthed, wet and searching kisses against your neck and collarbones– biting, sucking, nipping in all the ways he knew how. 

Fuck everyone who got him before you’d ever had the chance, but thank God for the skill he had acquired in the meantime.

“Potter,” he groaned against the dampness of your neck, sounding every bit in pain as you were. The coarse hair of his moustache scratched at your skin with every movement of his mouth, and you couldn't help but tangle your fingers into his long strands, holding him in place. “Fuck– I’ve thought about this–” and he never managed to finish before he grew impatient of even himself and returned his mouth to you. 

“I– Me too– Oh fuck!” He bit, hard, into your sensitive skin before soothing the sting over with his tongue, planting a final kiss to the spot before moving to cradle your face in his palms. He kissed you, once, twice, a third time for luck you assumed, before you managed to resist for long enough to get your words out. 

It took a second for the electricity thrumming inside of you to subside enough for your thoughts to order themselves once more.

You stared at him, pupils dilated, mouth wide in shock, and looking every bit of the mess you felt. 

“We shouldn’t have done that,” and they came out before you’d given yourself time to even really process what had just happened, or what you wanted your reaction to be.

You’d seen Sirius defeated, though only ever over the mundane and menial. A stubbed toe on the step he always forgot about that lead into your parents' kitchen, his favourite team losing a Quidditch match, or when the wrong order arriving from the chippy.

But the way his face fell-- sure it was dark but you could just tell.

He froze momentarily, before he stepped away, abrupt and robotic and so not-Sirius in every way you had come to know.

“Sirius I didn't–” you began, but he’d already tugged the light back on and with it, reality came crashing in, occupying the space he had only seconds ago. 

“No, no. You’re right, Potter,” he said, sounding every bit as lifeless as he looked now that you could actually see him.

He wouldn’t raise his gaze to meet your own, to see you pleading, silent, but pleading, that no, I lied, it wasn’t a mistake, in fact I want to do just that, more and more. And unlike every other moment in your life, for once, you couldn’t get the words out past your lips.

At least, not the right ones.

“I’m sorry,” you tried, gentle. You mourned the return of that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach as your chest threatened to cave in on itself.

How was it that you felt worse than when you’d first gotten here?

Only this time it was no one’s fault but your own.

“No need to apologise, love.” He paused for a beat, glancing at the door before following through on the thoughts telling him to leave it at that before things got worse, and slipped out of the door. 

The light was still on and you noticed the shoes lined up neatly on one of the racks. Coats and jackets and umbrellas hung on the rod in front of you. Above it, there was a shelf with helmets, badminton rackets and a netball. 

There were things all around you, but you’d never felt so lonely.

You could feel the cold seeping into the space around you, one that was filled with his body heat only moments earlier.

It took everything in you to not break down right then and there.

Instead, you stepped out into the hall and plastered a smile on your face, hoping you’d make it to your room before the dam broke.

I have a rough plan of the final two chapters but eee i hope y'all enjoyed this :))

[songmingisthighs]

Pitiful, You're Pitiful

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ch. ii

group : ateez

pairing : aged up!wooyoung × aged up!reader

genre : angst, mature

word count : 3 k

warning : adultery, cheating, medical condition (?), mentions of loss/miscarriage, negative depiction of wooyoung

a/n : happy valentine's <3

It had been two months since the night you were intimate with Wooyoung and it was still suffocating to think about.

It hurts a lot actually. But you can't let your sadness take over you, especially when Wooyoung hasn't shown any concrete signs that you should be worried other than your feelings. So you kept it to yourself, you kept your anxiety in and with every trip and team dinner or client meeting, you convinced yourself that he was doing what he said he was doing no matter how nauseated it made you feel. The stress must've gotten to you badly because the nausea was starting to become unbearable and even made you vomit almost every day. You figured it was psychosomatic but since it had affected your housework (aka Wooyoung complaining that you were up late several times, Dayoung grumbling under her breath about you not even caring to make her breakfast, and Woohyun refusing to go to kindergarten because he was worried over you).

Today started quite roughly.

"MOM!"

You barely held onto the countertop of your sink when you heard your daughter huffing from the other side of the door. The pain in your head and the discomfort from your stomach made your body sway slightly and the second round of angry knocks felt like a hammer to your head.

"Mom, seriously, I'm gonna be late!" Dayoung sighed sharply. You could just imagine the look on her face and while you love your children to bits, the way your body was practically shutting down on you, it felt like you wanted to scream back at her to give you a break. But you kept reminding yourself that you're the parent, she's an angsty teenager and you can't create a hostile environment for your youngest.

By whatever force that was working in your favour, you managed to walk yourself to the door and though your hands were cold, clammy, and trembling, you were able to open the door to see your daughter glaring at you. "S-sorry sweetie, mommy's not feeling well right now," you sighed, wiping the cold sweat off your forehead with your palm.

Dayoung hated the way you referred to yourself as if she was still a child or something and she let you know her disdain with a scoff and a roll of her eyes. "If you were so against me taking the bus in the morning, you could've at least made an effort to be punctual. I had to dress Woohyun, you know that? He and his milk-drenched chin almost ruined my cardigan and uniform. How is it that I'm doing things you're supposed to? Couldn't you have gotten drunk during the weekends or something?" she sneered, oblivious that it had been a while since you touched alcohol because when you tried to have a glass the week before, you ended up throwing up for some reason. The throbbing was coming back along with annoyance and you couldn't help the sharp exhale that you let out, "Can you not be like this right now? You being disrespectful won't make me move any faster." At least Dayoung had the decency to shut her mouth but from the corner of your eyes, you could see her fists clenching. "Where's your dad anyways? He knew I was not feeling well, he could've taken you and Woohyun to school." Although you were sighing and struggling to move without keeling over, you still forced your body to cooperate, determined to prioritize your motherly duties above letting sickness take over you completely. Dayoung only leaned on the wall while texting her friend, completely aware that you had almost fallen over a couple of times as you changed into your jeans, "I don't know, Daddy seemed to be in a rush this morning. He went out like an hour earlier than usual, humming and mumbling something about meeting someone for coffee before going to the academy."

The lighthearted tone Dayoung used didn't hide the heaviness of those words. You had been rather preoccupied as a mom to really follow up on your instinct so when you heard that, you felt a chill down your spine. For a moment, you couldn't help but wonder what or why you felt like that. As quick as that doubt came, you brushed the thought away as you grabbed your bag, rushed your children out the door, and loaded them into your car.

Being a parent was truly a wonder because for a moment, while focusing on your children, you felt like your body was mending itself. The headache was gone, your joints were not achy, and the bloated feeling in your stomach was relieved. Maybe it was stress, a psychosomatic symptom because you had a feeling that something was wrong with Wooyoung and because nothing did, your body directed the feeling towards your health. It's possible, the body is mysterious and things that make almost 0 sense can happen in a blink of an eye.

But once you found yourself all alone after taking Woohyun to his class, you slumped against the side of your car, clutching your head as the pain suddenly returned all at once. It was then and there that you realized that something was going on with you and you needed to get it checked out immediately.

On the way to the hospital, your mind was at war. It was plagued with scary scenarios like cancer one moment before the logical side of your brain reasoned that it could be something as simple as indigestion, acid reflux or even stomach flu. The anxiety didn't die down and you thought that at moments like this, you needed your partner, you needed your husband. Your husband who in the past had gone above and beyond to nurse you back to health even when it was just your allergy acting up. It was ironic that as you smiled and reminisced about the things your husband did for you in the past, your phone let out a long dial tone that let you know that you couldn't reach your husband for the 5th time. The anxiety bubbled up at the pit of your stomach as your fear went on automation, immediately associating Wooyoung not accepting your calls as a bad omen. One by one, your brain started ticking off possibilities such as stomach cancer, bowel obstruction, and kidney problems. Then your daughter's jabs started popping in your head, her jabs about how you drink a lot. It wasn't like you get drunk on wine twice a week like a ritual but it was never like that. You do enjoy the occasional glass but even then, it was slightly less than the amount people usually pour and it never surpassed you feeling tingly. But maybe you had accidentally subconsciously increased your intake and what you were experiencing was liver failure.

Out of all the diagnoses you were fearing, you honestly weren't expecting the doctor to tell you that you were pregnant.

As embarrassing as it was to admit, the moment the doctor revealed the diagnosis, it was like a punch to the gut and you vomited all over the ER floor. On the plus side, you no longer feel bloated.

"I can't be pregnant, there's no way. I haven't been intimate with my husband in a long while," you said after gulping down the water one of the nurses brought for you. "Blood tests are rarely wrong, ma'am," the doctor pulled her stool closer to you and sat down to look at you straight in the eyes, "When was the last time you were intimate with your husband?" It was both easy and hard for you to remember the last time you had sex with Wooyoung. You couldn't even call it making love because it wasn't. He fucked you to shut you up and left you alone like a washed-up carcass. The urge to scream and go crazy was high as it seemed like such a joke to get pregnant from that one time.

You wanted to laugh, scream, cry at how ironic the situation was. How when you tried so hard to grow your family with your husband, you were met with heartbreak. But now that things were verging on collapsing, you were suddenly blessed with a person you didn't even know you'd been waiting for. But your brain hadn't caught up to that point, still in disbelief and maybe even shock.

The doctor's voice was merely a murmur at that point. You couldn't focus, you couldn't really comprehend what she was saying because you were so deep in your thoughts, your bitter thoughts of the situation. You were worried because after what happened to your last pregnancy, it took you a long while to be okay again. There was even a period of time when Wooyoung was the only functioning parent, taking care of the role of both mom and dad while you recuperate. Of course, you weren't expecting to lose this pregnancy too. Who would do that? But the fear existed, the fear remained a part of you and as much as you want to shed it, it was so hard.

Nevertheless, you couldn't help but let your mind wander and suddenly flicker into hope. Hope that this baby will bring your husband back, bring him back to the way he was before the loss you both experienced. Hoping that his distance was because he was also waiting for this same little stranger.

"Hey, (y/n)!"

You turned around and saw Yunho jogging towards you, huffing.

When did you get out of the ER? You felt a buzz in your hand from your phone and frowned when you saw the message. When did you make an OB appointment?

Whatever the answer was, you immediately tried to shove your worries away and put on a smile, trying to appear normal or somewhat okay in front of your husband's friend.

Before you could greet him back, however, he cut you off, "I came as soon as I heard," he panted. "What?" you chuckled awkwardly, not understanding what he meant but slightly worried because you had thought someone saw you in the ER and heard what you and the doctor were talking about and informed other people. "How's Wooyoung? Was it really a heart attack? I heard he hit his head or something. Which room is he in?" It felt like you were the one who hit their head because you had no idea what Yunho was saying. You waved your hands in front of Yunho's face to stop his rants, "Whoah, Yunho, what are you talking about?" Now it was Yunho's turn to be confused. "I-I was informed by the academy's front desk that Wooyoung got hurt. They said they called Wooyoung in because he missed his special trainee class and they got information that he was hurt and that he was admitted here so I thought that he was with you."

In a flash, you turned and dashed to the information desk, Yunho hot on your tail. the both of you stayed close as you go up to the room Wooyoung was admitted in, worry evident in the way you both looked but it was definitely more prominent on you.

Once on the floor, you ran out first to the nurse's station before Yunho could even register that the elevator door had opened. Your hands accidentally slammed loudly on the hard surface of the counter, making Yunho and the nurses in the station to jump slightly in shock, "Hi, I-I'm looking for Jung Wooyoung, he was just admitted not too long ago," you were on the verge of crying because you were so worried and you felt and that you didn't even know your husband got hurt. The nurse checked her computer for a second before looking back at you, "He is on this floor but I'm afraid I can't let you visit him just yet. His wife is in there with him and considering the situation, we were instructed to let him get his rest first. Visitors are permitted once Mr Jung's doctor clears him and you will be notified by his wife." Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion and so did Yunho at the revelation, "That... That can't be right, I'm his wife," you said, surprising the nurse. She produced a guest sign-in form on a clipboard and muttered to herself, "I- well, there was this lady who came in with him and she told the doctor that they were in their bedroom when Mr Jung had the accident. She mentioned- I- I think she mentioned that she was his partner, s-so I just assumed she was his wife because of the ring on his finger," she meekly showed you the signature on the clipboard but it looked unfamiliar.

"Yeon Harin? That's our backup dancer," Yunho scoffed from behind you, "What's she doing here with Wooyoung?"

Dread washed over you like the water from a river in winter. The look on your face was enough to let not only the nurse who talked to you but the other nurses around know what was going on. Guilt gnawed at them when they saw your face paled and eyes glazed over as if they were the ones who committed such betrayal towards you. However, it took Yunho a moment to realize. His eyebrows furrowed and his eyes lingered on the name as his brain replayed the information he received. Dots connecting one by one, Yunho felt like he was being punched in the gut. "Oh fuck," he cussed under his breath, realizing what just happened. Realizing what his revelation of the identity did, "(y/n), a-"

Before he could ask if you were alright, you had pushed yourself away from the station, eye unfocused as if searching for a way to escape. "I... T-thank you... C-can, uh... Can I come back later with my hus- Wooyoung's things? W-what time is the cutoff time for visitors?" You did not notice it but your voice trembled, breaking slightly even as you tried communicating with the nurses in a voice so small, that they had to not breathe to hear you clearly. It was obvious that you were trying to hold yourself together, but it was also probably because you were processing the information. The head nurse pushed past from the back of the station and addressed you directly with a gentle, motherly smile, it was a shame you didn't see it. "Cut-off time is in 2 hours which will be at 12 pm and it will reopen at 6-8 pm. But for family members, there isn't really a cut-off time, I'll make sure Mr Jung's visitor is out of his room soon," at least someone had the decency to do what's right.

You didn't even remember if you told the nurses thank you because when your senses returned, you found yourself already walking back towards the elevator. "(y/n)? Hey, are you okay?" Yunho called out, making his presence and proximity obvious to you. You wanted to tell him that you were fine, but how could you? Your assumption was just confirmed in such a public place in a situation the same hour you found out you were pregnant in the same place you found out that your husband was hurt and you weren't there for him. Although his side piece was there and considering that he was with her when he was supposed to be at a very important class due to the account and his own ownership of account management, he must've prioritized her presence more. Yunho didn't press you for a reply though, he just wanted to make sure you were okay, he wanted to make sure he could give you what you needed which was tricky since he had no idea what to do. He too, was still processing the information and trying to make sense of things. Was his assumption even correct? Was his friend really that much of a monster? So when you hopped in the elevator, Yunho didn't know if he was supposed to let you go by yourself or jump in and drive you home. Were you even going home? Why were you even there if you didn't even know that Wooyoung was admitted?

When you finally spared Yunho a glance, the door was starting to close and with a smile that haunted him for weeks, you spoke, "Don't tell Wooyoung about this, okay?" and the door closed, leaving Yunho worried and conflicted because all he wanted to do was go into Wooyoung's room and demand an explanation but with what you said, he couldn't. Could he?

When you heard the door closed, your body slumped to the wall and you felt your legs turn to jelly. Your intuition was right, he was being unfaithful and his timing, as always, was just perfect because the day you found out the truth just had to be the same day you found out that you were pregnant with the baby he fucked into you so coldly. A wave of nausea bubbled up in your stomach and your chest burned. The moment the door of the elevator opened, you ran out and your legs took you to the parking lot where you vomited out the bile that was probably the physical form of your feeling. Though the pressure was relieved, you could still feel the sting and burn in your throat, the bitterness in your tongue, and the dread washing over you.

Hunched over the bushes, you found it hard to straighten up and walk. At that moment, you want everything to stop because it was too much, it was too much for you to bear to bear alone.

Mere realization was not enough because you were in denial, you wanted to believe that it was just a dream, that you were hallucinating, that your husband was not the asshole but you were for wanting him to be a monster so much that your brain had somehow warped reality and created this scenario for you to hold onto.

Honestly, you didn't know what to process first.

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[softtdaisy]

🌲 a walk in the past l Charles Leclerc

summary. this Christmas market has been your favorite for years. today, it's just a reminder of what you lost. of who you lost.

words count. 1,895

a/n. this is the story that inspired the whole angsty Christmas series. it's massively inspired by Cindy Lou who (please listen to Sabrina's ep). it's sad. it's Charles. I hope you will love it 🫶

a very angsty Christmas l masterlist

“You really didn’t have to do this.”

Ever since you were a child, you used to go to the Christmas market every year. It wasn’t even to buy a present. Just the pleasure of walking around this stall, hearing Christmas songs and seeing the pleasure on everyone’s face when they won a game, sharing a sweet and seasonal meal or just this magic thing that seems to make all the people here happy. It was one of your favorite moments of the year and you couldn’t miss it. 

Even if this year, you were close to skip it.

“If you think I would have let you alone in your apartment instead of enjoying your favorite time of the year, you were barking up the wrong tree.” your best friend replied, putting her arm around your shoulder to bring you closer.

You laughed at her gesture and appreciated this feeling of being loved. And not alone.

Something you sadly lacked these past months.

The reason you almost didn’t come this year was simple. It was Charles.

When you started dating three years ago, the Formula One season was coming to an end. You had met through mutual friends in Monaco and he always managed to see you when he came back home, sometimes even skipping time with his family for you -something you were arguing with him for.

Once he was finally free, this Christmas market was one of your first official dates as a couple. You were living a literal teenage dream, walking hand in hand with him, showing him all the places you had memories with -meaning almost everything. You let him buy your favorite sweet and a scarf that you never left after that.

And you did that every year. It was always the first date you had after the season ended. The first time you could act like a normal couple again. And even if Charles met some fans there, very few thanks to the beanie and the scarf hiding him, it still felt intimate. 

One night, after you drank too much wine and were watching the fireworks, Charles told you that at least he knew where he could propose to you. 

It has become your place.

Until he left.

Now it was only yours, alone.

Everything reminded you of him now. The stall with all the puppies where you were talking about adopting one and even thought about the name. The big pine tree where you added your own decoration together, like the tradition says. The photomaton where he kissed you and the picture that was still somewhere in your apartment because you couldn’t get rid of it. Or just every couple, being happy like you used to. You hated feeling jealous about these poor people who didn’t ask for anything but to spend a moment together.

It was hard to walk on the path of your biggest heartbreak.

“How about a hot chocolate?” Your friend asked you. Well pulled you because she didn’t really wait for your answer before walking to the stall. You didn’t mind. It wasn’t like you felt like making any decision anyway. You apologized to the little girl that collided with your legs and followed your best friend until you had to wait because there were too many people.

You looked around and noticed the stall with handmade Christmas decorations. You always bought something there, like your own tradition. “Do you mind if I go there while you wait?” your best friend agreed and you walked there with stars in your eyes.

Not thinking for a single second that going there would wreck your heart into millions pieces.

“Oh, miss little red beanie.” The seller laughed when he saw you, remembering the little girl you were before with your favorite red beanie, until you grew and it became too small for you. You started to look around the decorations, already noticing some new ones that you loved.

Until you heard a laugh. A very distinct laugh that you could have recognized everywhere. You still turned around to make sure you didn’t dream.

Oh how you wished you did.

Because there he was. Still looking as beautiful as before. With his outgrown brown hair hiding in his black beanie, a scarf you used to steal when you couldn’t find yours, eyes so shiny because of the cold and a red nose that you loved to tease him about. No doubt. Charles was there.

And he wasn’t alone.

You weren’t sure you wanted to look at her. To see who she was. How she could be better than you. Why did he choose her over you? Knowing would be hard. Ignoring it wouldn’t be that much better.

But before you could ever decide what you wanted, Charles turned his head. He felt a look on him.

No he had the same feeling he used to have when you were together. There was something different with you. Something magnetic that would always let him know that you were there, looking at him, even if he couldn’t see you. And it was back.

Your eyes met. And suddenly, your heart was breaking again. 

You couldn’t handle the idea of being around him with his new girl. So you did the first thing that came to your mind: running away. 

The perks of knowing this market by heart, you knew exactly where you had to go to avoid people and be at peace.

The con was that Charles knew it too.

“Please wait!” you heard him in your back. What a wonderful idea to have an athlete as an ex, especially one you’re trying to run away from. 

You ended up stopping, not able to go anywhere else without turning around and meeting Charles. With nothing else to lose, you accepted your fate. The terrible fate that you feared these past weeks. 

You really wondered if you would see Charles now that the season was over and he was around. Were there any chances that you would run into each other in such a big city? You thought you wouldn’t. You really thought you would be lucky enough to avoid this confrontation. 

Apparently the universe wasn’t a fan of this narrative.

“I had no idea you would be here, I wouldn’t come otherwise.” 

You laughed. How dare he? You had no idea what you hated the most. The fact he really thought you wouldn’t be there this year because of him. Or that he used this sweet and comprehensive tone like he was really sorry for you. If he was, then he wouldn’t have broken your heart out of a stupid boredom.

“Oh I’m sorry Charles” you said, turning around to finally face him “Do I bother you by being here, at my favorite place, the one I come to every year, the one I showed you because I wanted to live that moment?” 

“That’s not what I meant.” he sighed, putting a hand on his neck and biting his lips. 

You used to love this tic. There were always some moments in your relationship when you had a hard time distinguishing Charles the driver from Charles your boyfriend. Sure, it was the same person in the end. But the media and his PR team were creating a whole entire character around him, one that wasn’t entirely faithful to the real Charles you knew. 

And then there were moments like this where he wasn’t that overly confident driver that couldn't do no wrong. He was the man that you love, scared of saying the wrong thing, conscious that everything could come to an end one day. 

“So what?” you added, taking a step closer to him. It was a dangerous limit, because at any moment, the feeling of being that close would make all your feelings come back. From hate to love there was indeed one step, one you better not take if you didn’t want to come home with a heart even more broken. “If you knew I was there you wouldn’t have brought your new doll?”

You saw the change in his eyes when you said that. And oh how you hated seeing this look on his face. Because you knew it too, there was not one thing you didn’t know about him. And this one hurted, again. It was the exact same look Charles used to give when someone talked badly about you.

Suddenly, you weren’t the one being protected. You were the one he had to protect his new girl from.

“You’re being mean.” he added, crossing his arms and rolling his eyes.

“I am mean?” your voice broke at that last word. “You fucking brought her here Charles! It was our place! It is my safe place and now you ruined it! Again!” this time you couldn’t resist and hit his chest with your fist. “Why do you have to ruin everything in my life?”

It wasn’t a real question. Or at least, you didn’t expect any real answer. What could he say? Because he wanted to? Because if you can’t be happy together, you shouldn’t try to be now that you are no longer a thing? Or maybe the worst one: he just didn’t think this through. It would mean you were never important enough for him to think about the consequences.

There was no world in which Charles truly thought about you when he broke up with you at the beginning of the year. When you thought everything was alright, when you were looking for an apartment together, when you had that stupid conversation about having a family one day. He dropped it. The “I’m not sure I can’t do this anymore.” Just like that.

Did he really think about you when he couldn’t give a simple explanation as to why he couldn’t do you anymore? 

A single tear fell from your eye and Charles watched it run slowly on your cheek. “I just wanted to apologize.” he whispered, taking your hand between his. But you immediately dropped it.

“That would have been a first.” 

You both stayed silent for a few seconds before you started to walk back to the market. This time, Charles didn’t try to stop you. It was worthless and he knew that. You wouldn’t stop. You had enough. And even he knew that it would be unkind to try again.

You whipped the tear right before you met your best friend, standing in the middle of the road looking for you. You grabbed a chocolate cup and kissed her cheek to thank her. “Where were you?” she asked, more concerned that you thought she would be. How long did you disappear for her to have the time to buy these drinks?

You turned around and saw Charles coming back too. You watched as he grabbed her hand and gave it a kiss with a big smile. Yes. Something he used to do with you too. “Such a gentleman” you used to say when he did that. But now you weren’t the one getting your hand kissed.

“No way…” you heard your best friend say when she saw them. “This can’t be true right?” she asked you. And you wished you could reassure her.

But the truth was there. Charles broke your heart at the beginning of the year.

And he broke what was left at the end of it.

[dreamwritersworld]

Disconnected… part 2. (sully family x reader)

“this is what you’ve made me become.”

…and so Jake watched his creation, the daughter he now realizes he damaged. His body ran cold as he watched her pick up a tree branch…and then he followed her chilling whistles.

Y/n thought that was all…that she got all the soldiers, until she heard rustles in the woods. There was no hesitation in the her shot. The teenage girl kicked the gun away from the soldier arms, looked directly into her fathers eyes..

“This. Is what we do to get rid of the bad people. It shouldn’t take that long for you to realize how badly you protect this clan and your family.”

Her eyes were cold and black, the pleads from the man didn’t stop.

“You can breath, you can blink, you can cry….Eywa, you already are. You’re going to be stuck in that broken shell of a body forever.”

Then she cut the man’s vision clear bashing his head in with the thick tree branch.

“Y/n…Y/n s-stop…please. You killed those soldiers, and did more than killing to Quaritch Y/n, you didn’t even blink.”

“You know why I did it? I did it because I wanted to.”

“Don’t be stupid Y/n please. You can fool yourself and everyone else! But you can’t fool me! What happened to you? Because this isn’t you..”

“How would you know about me.”

The built up tension…over years of being locked away and pushed from her family…she aimed the gun to her siblings and mother who came in…the loudness and facial expression towards Y/n felt so unfamiliar…uncomfortable. They never looked at her..and now? Now they see her.

Neytiri’s eyes and hears rang…all she could hear were her mothers warning on Y/n’s behavior…now, she regretted ignoring her persistence on fixing Y/n. Mo’at said she was a monster but now…Neytiri was convinced, Y/n was the devil.

The Erie silence scared her…something she found so peaceful was now so scary. Y/n took her gun and ran through the woods hoping to just breathe for a moment.

It had been hours and everyone went off looking for her…Mo’at especially. Her poor grandchild couldn’t stand being with anyone because that’s how Jake made her, he made her used to being by herself. He gave her all the wrong traits…angry, aggressive, defensive, closed off and…sad.

*Flashback*

Jake made Y/n so stressed that the simplest thing set her off.

Y/n walked away angrily from training, having a rough day of archery…Neteyam could hear his younger sibling exhaling heavily.

“What happened?”

“All my shots were bad, all of them. Every single one.”

Neteyam turned around to the spots Y/n was supposed to aim, masking a surprised face towards the slightly off target aims, no it wasn’t in the exact center but it was almost there, still a good shot.

…it was always all too wrong for Y/n.

*

The frustrating memory came to an end when Y/n heard someone approaching.

“…Y/n! Please come back home! This is- it’s just not ok. The decisions your making right now aren’t wise, especially at this hour-“

“You think I’m some idiot! Well I didn’t ask to be made! I didn’t ask to be torn apart and put back together over and over! To turn into some…some monster!”

“Y/n…“

“No! No don’t say I’m wrong! You don’t get to say that! I spent hours on end training just so I could be perfect for him! For my own father..but I wasn’t! I proved myself over and over and over and over and over and over-“

“..ok Y/n I get it now-“

“No you don’t!”

“…I know you act like you’re the meanest and strongest but you’re actually the most scared of all…I know that you push anyone’s who’s willing to put up with you, cause just a little bit of love reminds you of how big and empty that hole inside you actually is.”

“Stop!”

“I know you feel like no one cares about you!…I know who you are Y/n!…because you were me. My parents always pushed on me to be the greatest tsahik..gave me much more harder time than a child can bare..so please Y/n realize that you’re ok now. I’m here”

For a moment..silence stood between the two…and the girl who Mo’at hoped would get better..broke down, into her grandmother’s arms.

“You were born into a family that doesn’t always appreciate you, but one day things are going to be very different..”

Mo’at placed a sleeping remedy on Y/n’s face hoping to buy her grandchild a good rest and time before the storm. Y/n softly fell asleep into her grandmothers arms. The most emotional yet beautiful sight Moat had ever seen…the child who was always overseen was now peacefully shedding tears while sleeping…it hurt her looking at the way Y/n was fully on guard still. Not once did her hand lose grip on her gun, and her body remained tense.

!💓!

There will be one more part to this! I’m so sorry for the major delay, i haven’t had any time to write and i hope this is good! Sorry for it being short but I’d also love if you guys send in requests for Y/n’s ending in this 💓

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[hauntedwitch04]

can you please do a plus size reader insecure with dean winchester?

Perfect

Dean Winchester x plus size!Reader 

Words: about 2.1k words 

Warning: saddy sadness, and some allusion to sexy times since we are talking about Dean so they are obviously there.

Author’s note: Hi love! Thank you so much for your request. I felt really inspired by your idea and I hope you like how it came out!

p.s. I got very caught up in the topic, since it is something I feel very close to. Ever since I was a little girl, I was never a very skinny kid, and on more than one occasion I was teased by my classmates when I was in middle school, so I let myself go and put a little bit of me in the one-shot.

Always remember that it is normal to have good days and bad days, but the important thing is not to let the bad days have it. Keep fighting until the end, because losing a battle does not matter, what is important is to win the war. Everyone is perfect and beautiful in their own way, and your body does not define the person you are.

In case you need someone to talk to, I am always here, don't be afraid to seek help because often having someone close by to remind you that the volume of that evil voice we hear inside can be lowered or eliminated is important.

Requests are open I Ask

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You look at that slice of cake for the umpteenth time, and you can't help but hear that voice in your head again, evil, whispering all your lifelong insecurities.

Dean has been talking to a girl at the counter for a few minutes, and you can't help but notice how thin she is compared to you, how beautiful she is by the standards society imposes today, standards you have never respected.

You were never a very skinny girl, in fact from a very young age you had your curves, but that never appeared to be a problem until that obnoxious part of your life where children grow up and become teenagers, and that makes them bad there.

For the first time you realized at the age of eleven that your physique was different from the other girls near you, and for the first time you felt different, and that feeling you know deep down never went away.

You tried a thousand diets, and just as many exercises to lose weight, but it almost seemed as if your body didn't want to, so you learned to live with your body. In the beginning it was not easy, you had to face many battles, some you won and some you lost, but somehow your bitter enemy, the figure that is reflected in the mirror every morning, watching you live, judging all the actions you do, is always with you and you cannot get rid of it.

When you first met Dean you were sure that he would not give you a second glance, and that in the event nothing more than a simple friendship would arise as much as you were attracted to the attractive hunter, but against all expectations, only after a few months of knowing you he asked you out and confessed that he was madly in love with you, and that he could no longer live a second of his life. It had been such a strange moment: he was going on and on about all the romantic movies, books, and TV series he had seen himself during that time to find the perfect way to tell you everything he felt and that he finally did it in the bathroom of a movie theater after you had been attacked by a demon while watching a movie; on the contrary, you had remained silent the whole time, wondering how such a handsome, kind, funny, caring, and any other positive adjective in the human vocabulary, man could feel anything for you.

You had realized you were stuck, when waking up from that transe state you had seen him looking at you frightened, and you couldn't help but ask him, with tears in your eyes, "Why me, you could have anyone you want? Why should you only want me, you deserve better." You say sobbing, trying to hold back the tears, not wanting to show him the inner struggle you were fighting all the time with the same voice that is bringing you down today. He had taken your chin in one of his strong hands, made you lift your face and looked straight into your eyes. In those big green eyes you felt as if you could see a meadow in which you could run free of all thought, free to be whoever you wanted to be, and that is what Dean is to you after all, a safe haven in which to seek comfort.

"I want you, and you alone. And already that is a selfish thought, because love, if anyone does not deserve the other it is me, because you are perfect and I am everything but perfect, and I know you deserve so much better, and yet I am selfish and I cannot help but love you and want you to be mine and only mine." Said the man in front of you before kissing you. Immediately you melted like ice cream in the sun in his arms, and you returned the kiss with all the passion and eagerness you were willing to let him know that his feelings were reciprocated. His warm, fleshy lips on yours moved to the rhythm of a dance that only you seemed to know. After a few minutes we parted, needing to breathe again, but both of you had two silly smiles on your faces, of two people stupidly in love with each other, unable to hide it from the world for a second longer. "I have Jane Austen and her Mr. Darcy to thank next time I see her in heaven. Or was it in hell?" Whispered Dean chucklingly before resting his forehead on yours.

"Winchester, we would have a demon to exorcise in the other room." You reminded him, laughing at his earlier statement, before punching him lightly in the chest. "And don't ever make fun of Jane Austen again, I love her books and I won't let you do that." You continued, pretending to give him a dirty look.

"Why do you think I read them?" He replied, winking at you before leaving the room to go deal with the demon, whom you had almost forgotten about.

A voice suddenly brings you back to reality. You look up from the pie in front of you and see Sam's worried eyes trying to decipher your thoughts, which, like a hurricane, are flowing fast in your eyes, too fast to be understood.

"Hey, are you okay?" The smallest Winchester asks you, with a tugged smile, as if you had forgotten how to smile and he wanted to help you learn it again. You then try to smile back at him and nod, not having the heart to tell him that today the battle in the mirror between you and your reflection was won by the mirror, and that as of this morning you feel like crap emotionally, because you feel like crap about your own body.

"I'm just tired, and I'm not very hungry. I think I'll give it to Dean, after all, he's always happy to have a little extra cake." You say trying to be convincing. In fact, it's been about five days since you've really been able to put anything under your teeth, after seeing a girl flirting with Dean in a bar in the town of your last case. Dean had immediately declined the girl's attentions, saying that he was committed to you and loved you, but a self-defense mechanism had sort of been triggered in your brain, telling you that if you didn't want to lose the only person you'd ever really loved in the world, you had to lose weight, and so you started not eating, obviously in secret from Dean.

The lack of food in your stomach has also brought you immense fatigue, in fact you don't even realize that you have left the diner and are now in the car from how foggy your brain is. As soon as you sit in Baby's seat, sleep takes over your body, so much so that you don't even feel Dean pick you up and carry you inside to your motel room. You awaken hours later on the bed you and Dean have been sharing since you arrived in this town, but neither he nor Sam can be seen.

Slowly you get up and drag yourself into the bathroom. You turn on the light and immediately a figure is revealed to you in the mirror. You don't even look like yourself anymore, your skin is white and emaciated, so much so that it looks like that of a ghost; the black circles under your eyes are more pronounced than usual, and an immense sadness shines through your eyes, yet you can't help but be happy to see that your face looks slightly slimmer than it did a couple of days ago. Bitter tears run down your face knowing that being happy about that thing is not right, and that what you are doing is not good for your health, yet you cannot stop that little voice in your head from speaking.

Suddenly you hear the bathroom door open and see before you the frightened and confused face of your boyfriend, who looks at you shocked, seeing the tears on your face. Quickly he approaches you, asking if you are hurt and taking your face in his hands. You try hard to pull away from him, but you are not strong enough. You don't want him to feel your impefect body, he doesn't deserve it, yet he continues to hold you in his arms, while a hand gently strokes your back, trying to calm you down.

"Love, what's going on? Why are you crying? What can I do to help you?" Dean whispers to you, in turn with tears ready to run down his cheeks not knowing how he can take away the pain you are feeling so intensely.

"I'm sorry Dean, I'm really sorry. I've tried, but I can't." You sob, against his shoulder, stopping fighting him and letting yourself go into his embrace.

"What did you try to do love?" The elder Winchester asks with a veil of fear.

"I tried to be a better girlfriend, I tried to lose weight, but I can't. The voice is right, I don't deserve you, I never deserved you. I don't know how you can really love someone like me." You continue crying, falling to your knees, accompanied by his strong arms, as he follows you, also kneeling on the floor. Your figures seem to merge in this embrace, as you tell him of all your insecurities, of the evil voice that dwells within you and hinders your every hope for happiness, and how these days you have preferred to starve yourself in order to be a girl worthy of being seen at Dean Winchester's side. He listens to you in silence, as tears furrow his face and fall silently on your hair, since he has his chin resting on top of your head, while you hide your face in his chest seeking the comfort of his heartbeat and his scent as you open your soul to him on the motel floor of a godforsaken town.

When you're done, you can't help but breathe a sigh of relief, feeling your heart lighten, and uncertainly you look into Dean's eyes and see his sadness, and immediately feel guilty knowing that you are the cause of that feeling. In a moment as if he is reading your mind, however, he immediately stops you and reassures you.

"Love, first of all, the next time you hear this voice or these feelings inside you, don't hesitate and come to me right away, because I love you and I don't want to see you suffer like this and you know that I am always there for you, no matter what, even if you just have to ask me why the color blue is blue at three o'clock in the morning on a Saturday, I am always there for you, I am your love slave." Says the hunter, kissing the last tears streaming down my face. "And secondly, you don't have to change in any possible universe, because you in each of them are perfect as you are. There is not one thing about you that I don't love madly: your hair, your eyes, your intelligence, your laugh, your body-oh God don't get me started on how your body drives me crazy, because believe me I could start a new religion just to worship you as the goddess you are. Every day I have to hold myself back from kissing every inch of your body, from screaming to the world that you are mine, that the best woman in the world is in love with me, and I still don't understand how that is possible. There is not one thing you do that is not perfect in my eyes, and even now I still think that never on earth and in heaven has there been a more perfect being than you, so please don't ever again believe what your brain tells you and believe me." He continues, as he looks into your eyes. You have never felt so loved in your life. The only thing you want to do is thank him, but no words come out of your mouth, so you kiss him, showing him how you feel about him. Slowly Dean gets up, taking you in his arms, not breaking the kiss. Only when you reach the front of the bed and he drops you on it, your lips part and he says a few words.

"I would say it's time to prove that I wasn't joking when I said I would found a religion just to worship your body."

And boy was he not joking.

[wlwprker]

my heart is yours-tom!peter parker x reader

a/n: i wrote this on my old tumblr for someone else but i’m making it Peter Parker and reuploading it !

warnings: minimal proofreading, use of bold and italics, sorry for grammar and/or spelling mistakes!

wc: 787

You were a pretty calm person, but there were those rare moments that crept into your life where you found it extremely difficult to stay relaxed and it bothered you that you couldn't just stay...calm. You always felt like such a burden to others when those overwhelming moments ruined your days, nights, and weeks, but your boyfriend didn't care if you were sad or angry, he will always love you and you are so thankful to have been blessed with the gift that is Peter Parker (AKA the one and only Spiderman), who you get to call yours. He patrols the city at night and is sometimes taken away on missions, but that doesn't make you upset or too lonely because you know that he always has a home with you.

Today was one of those days where you couldn't stay chilled out and you tried everything to stop your overwhelming thoughts from crashing into you like a freight train and all you kept trying to do was to keep your emotions at bay because the last thing you wanted to do was disrupt Peter on one of his rare off days from his patrolling duties but he notices every little thing you do. Peter sat down next to you on the couch in your shared apartment and he motioned for you to lie down in his lap because he adored looking down at you and basking in the warmth of you.

When you look at him with those eyes that hold so much affection behind them, he feels as if he's falling all over again, and he doesn't want to stop falling.

"Baby, what's running through that pretty little mind of yours?" Peter rubbed his hands soothingly up and down your shoulders as you looked up at him in adoration and he smiled as he placed a loving kiss to your forehead and you swore that you felt like a teenager in love, you were never the type of person to believe in clichés but when he looks at you like there's nothing more important in the world, you felt as if you were floating and you had no intention of wanting to come back down to Earth. You smiled to yourself at the fact he was always so loving and caring and if he ever sensed that there was something wrong, he would drop everything for you. You always have to convince him when he's away on missions that his Spiderman duties are important but if you didn't keep reminding him of that, he would move mountains just to see you smile.

"I'm just having one of those days, Peter", you say as you sit up from his lap and Peter whines at the loss of contact, but you scoot closer to him on the couch, and he wraps an arm protectively around you. He hums in content, and you lean your head on his shoulder, and you can feel his heart beating, only for you.

"I love you so much, my love", Peter says in such a sweet tone that you swore you physically felt your heart beat faster for him, if that was even possible. You place a sweet kiss on his lips and he smiles into the kiss and you pull away slowly and this boy can't stop staring at you because he is so lucky that you love him this much. You have kissed Peter so many times but every single kiss that you share feels like you're sharing a kiss with the prince in those fairytales you grew up reading, he is your happy ending. You find one of his hands and bring it close to you and you start to trace the lines on his palm as you feel him rub his hands down your arms.

"I like tracing the lines in your palm, it's...distracting", you say as you plant gentle kisses on the lines in Peter's palm and you can feel him staring at you as you continue to trace the lines in his palm that fits into your hands like a glove and you stare up at him and he is looking at you with the most loving stare in the entire world.

"You are a dream come true. I'm going to ask for your hand in marriage, what do you think about that?" Peter kissed your nose and you sighed happily. You are so in love with this brown eyed beauty and you never want it to stop.

"That sounds perfect, Pete" you felt yourself start to drift off into the world of dreams, but your dreams were insignificant because all you ever dreamed about was holding you close on the couch, and everything felt okay again.

[rose-pearls]

The making of Captain Kazansky-Mitchell - Part 8

Summary: time for a dangerous mission where tensions are high but reunions happen.

Previous Part - Next Part

It had been two years, two years still thinking of Jake every day. He would send you a message when you went on a new assignment to wish you good luck and every time your heart fluttered at the sight of his name.

There were nights where you nearly called him, so many nights but you told yourself maybe it had been for the best. Even though deep down you didn’t believe it, not when the memories of his laughter, touch and smiles haunted you every single moment. You wondered sometimes if Jake still had feelings for you, if he hadn’t found someone else that was better for him.

Your relationship with Bradley had been rocky after that night, you couldn’t look him in the eyes anymore. It only reminded you of the pain you felt that night, sobbing on the floor while Jake told you he wasn’t worth all of this fighting.

In the end it didn’t resolve anything, it made everything worse in your personal life. You fathers were confused, seeing the sudden drift but they had let it go after a couple of weeks, thinking that the two of you would resolve it. How wrong they were, the both of you had always been stubborn.

The only good thing in your life was your career, with Sunny by your side you managed to get every single distinction you could have. The lack of personal life made you focus on your career, and it seems to be thriving, there were rumors of you becoming the youngest Captain in the Navy.

Everything had been going according to plan until you got called into your Captain’s office in the middle of your deployment.

“Lieutenant Commanders, I just received an order for the both of you. You need to pack your things and leave first thing in the morning.”, he says while looking at the both of you with a hesitant gaze, he had appreciated your hard work and would be sad to see this duo leave his carrier.

“Where to, sir?”, Sunny asked and at that a tense smile appeared on your Captain’s face.

“Back to Top Gun.”

--

The Hard Deck hadn’t changes that much when you arrived, Sunny still screaming to ‘Better than Revenge’ while you couldn’t help but laugh.

“Common Fire let loose and sing!”, she yells before the next part of the song comes on and you can’t help but join her, screaming at the top of your lungs and mimicking guitar movements. In those moments you get a glimpse of what would’ve been your life like if you hadn’t joined the Navy, and just stuck to being a normal teenager and go to college. But then again, you would’ve never met Sunny and that is something that you would never want to happen.

“Alright, after singing out all of my frustrations to this song I am back to being a feminist.”, she says highly, and you can’t help but laugh at her satisfied smile.

“Ready to get in there?”, she asks softly after a moment and you turn to look at her, seeing the worry in her eyes.

“Don’t worry I’ll be fine. I’m just wondering who will be there.”, you tell her quietly and she nods in agreement.

“As long as they don’t think they are better than us I don’t care.”, she says, a smirk appearing on her lips and you smile back, rolling your eyes at her antics.

The music is loud and there seems to be quite a lot of people there and you only have the time to catch Penny’s gaze when you hear someone yell your callsign.

“Fire!”, you turn around to see Phoenix at the pool table, looking at you with a wide smile and you can’t help but smile back. It had been a long time since you had seen the female pilot, but you had missed her.

“Phoenix! Hi.”, she brings you into a hug as you arrive, and Sunny quickly greets her with a kind smile.

“I didn’t know you would be here.”, she says happily, and you let out a sigh.

“Me neither, got told last night and had to take the first plane here.”, you tell her, and she winces, that often meant you didn’t have a lot of sleep.

“Well welcome back I’m sure you know some of the people here.”, she says, and you turn around to see the rest of the people there only to freeze at the sight of Jake and Bradley. 

Jake is looking at you with wide eyes, disbelief written all over his face as he looks at you but there is a tenderness that has always been there. Bradley seems to be as surprised as Jake, but he manages to hide it better. The rest of the squad you have heard of but haven’t met before but as you turn around you see a blond man you had seen before.

“Bob! It’s been a long time!”, Sunny says and the bespeckled WSO smiles warmly at the both of you.

“How is one of the best WSO in the business doing?”, you ask with a smirk and Bob blushes under the praise.

“Good, wondering what this is all about.”, he says quietly, and you can’t help but nod in agreement before Jake interrupts you, or rather Hangman.

“I don’t really care what this is, a mission is a mission. What I want to know is who has it to follow me?”, he says, his voice dripping in confidence before managing to get the ball inside and looking at all of you with a confident smirk.

You can see that Bradley wants to say something to him, but you quickly cut him off, not wanting to hear them exchanging insults.

“Quite confident there, thinking you could be the team lead?”, you ask before accepting the beer that Fanboy, you think, gives you and looking at Jake unimpressed.

“I don’t know Fire, I’m sure that I will be.”, he says while walking around the pool table and coming in front of you. It has been two years since you had seen this man and had him this close to you, but he still manages to take your breath away.

“Better not say things you can’t do Bagman. Otherwise, it will come back and bite you in the ass.”, you tell him with a teasing smile and Jake’s smirk softens at your words. 

“Don’t worry I’ll prove it and otherwise I wouldn’t mind having you as team lead Fire.”, the words surprise you and it seems to surprise others, but you can see the trust in Jake’s eyes. The both of you had flown through Top Gun and you both knew what the other was capable of.

“Right, now that Hangman is done with his dick measuring contest, who wants to play some pool?”, Sunny asks loudly and you feel immensely grateful that you have her as a WSO, while still looking into Jake’s eyes.

“Hi.”, you whisper softly, feeling shy for the first time in a long time and Jake’s smile has soften, looking at you with loving eyes.

“Hi darling, how have you been?”, the nickname still sends shiver down your spine and judging by his smirk you know what effect it has on you.

“I’ve been well, better now. You?”, Jake sighs a little at your words before looking at you with a soft smile.

“Also, better now.”, before you can say anything Sunny calls your name, urging you to come and help her.

“Go on, have some fun.”, you look at him with a grateful smile before joining your WSO and helping her out to avoid her getting beaten by Phoenix and Bob who seem to be quite the duo.

--

You didn’t know what to expect when Cyclone announced your instructor, but it certainly wasn’t your dad. He seemed confident, but you could see the underlying tension and nervousness in his eyes.

“I suppose you all know this by heart?”, he asks, and you can’t help but look at Sunny, who looks right back at you feeling equally confused.

“So does your enemy.”, he throws the book in the bin, and you all look at him like he is crazy.

“I want to know what your limits are and push beyond that.”, he says, and you start to feel less and less confident, more so when he explains the mission, this was a deadly one.

“Suit up.”, everyone leaves, the optimistic spirit from an hour ago has fallen flat and you try to get your confidence back as you get your flight suit on. 

Phoenix, Bob and Hangman go in the air and as you listen to the comms you feel frustrated when Jake leaves them hanging. You knew that he wanted to prove himself, but this wasn’t the way to do it, you knew your father.

“Still think that he is a good man, when he leaves his wingman to die?”, Bradley whispers and you shoot him a glare in answer.

“Probably better then someone that makes their sibling force to break up with someone they were with for selfish reasons.”, you fire back, and Sunny seems to be trying to hide her smirk as Bradley looks at you with his mouth open in shock, but you ignore him and leave the room to get to your F-18.

Jake is getting out of his plane at that moment, looking frustrated and you can see that Phoenix is ready to shred him in pieces, but you manage to arrive first.

“What the fuck Jake?”, you ask, and he looks at you in surprise before sighing.

“If you want to be team lead, this isn’t the way to do it.”, you tell him, and Jake shakes his head.

“Maybe it is, I needed to show him that I could do it.”, he tells you and you can see the little boy that wants to prove himself, under all those layers of confidence.

“But did you? You left your wingman to die, and you died in the process, that isn’t really something that shows that you are team lead material.”, Jake closes his eyes at your words before letting out a sigh and opening them to look at the horizon.

“I know you want to prove yourself and you are an incredible pilot but trust me, my father isn’t impressed with people that leave their wingmen behind. Neither am I.”, the last part is probably a low blow, but it reaches his target as he flinches in answer, and you look him straight in the eyes.

“Don’t prove them right Jake, you are so much more than what you did just now.”, you whisper, meaning every single word and Jake looks at you with sad green eyes.

“I missed you so much.”, he whispers, and you smile sadly at him.

“I did too, but we need to focus on the mission.”, he nods in agreement before wishing you good luck and joining the other two to do his push-ups.

“Sunny, do you see him?”, you hear Coyote ask and you try to look around but there is nothing.

“Nothing on the radar so he must be somewhere we can’t see him.”, she tells you and you wait a few more seconds before he suddenly appears, making you break left as fast as you are able to.

“Fights on!”, Maverick says, and you get yourself into the right mindset.

“Talk to me Sunny.”, you tell her, and she starts communicating with Coyote and before you know it the three of you nearly manage to get Maverick down until he gets a tone on Coyote. 

You have to admit that your father still flies like a pro and as you finally manage to escape him and get a tone on him you can’t help but feel proud as you hear him swear under his breath.

The debrief is long, looking at all of the mistakes everyone made and that is how the next week passes, looking at every single mistakes you made and what you should do. Jake doesn’t leave his wingmen behind anymore and you haven’t felt this grateful in a long time. 

It’s only normal that after two weeks of intense training everything explodes.

--

“Why are you dead?”, Maverick asks you and you can see that it’s painful for him to ask this, but he hides it well.

“I didn’t anticipate the sudden stop Coyote was going to do.”, you tell him, but he doesn’t seem satisfied, luckily, he turns towards Coyote, and you try not to let out a breath of relief. This was worse than an interrogation.

“Why are you dead?”, your father asks Rooster next, and you feel like this wasn’t going to go well, with the way they were arguing.

“There is more than one way to fly this mission.”, Bradley says after a long back and forth and there is a silence before Jake interrupts it.

“You don’t get it do you?”, you hear him say and you have a bad feeling of how this conversation is going to go.

“One flies like Maverick or doesn’t come back.”, there is a tension filled silence after his words and you try to catch his gaze, but Jake is focused on Rooster who seems to be turning as red as a tomato.

“There is no time to stay in the past.”, the words are carefully picked, and you feel like a ticking bomb has been activated.

“What do you mean?”, Rooster asks, and you can feel the anger in his voice.

“I can’t be the only one that knows that Maverick flew with his old man. Or that Maverick-”, he doesn’t even have the time to get the words out that Rooster lunges forward and tries to grab Hangman by the collar, but the others manage to get them away from each other.

“You son of a bitch!”, Rooster yells and you try not to feel overwhelmed at what is happening, Sunny has her hand on your shoulder in reassurance, but you can only look at the two of them.

“I’m cool, I’m cool. It’s all good.”, he has a cocky grin, and you can’t help but shake your head in disappointment, this wasn’t the Jake you knew, this was pure Hangman.

--

“You went too far.”, you tell him, you know he is behind you, it’s like a sixth sense that you haven’t been able to stop. Jake sighs behind you and comes next to you, looking at the ocean.

“I know, I’m sorry.”, he says, and you scoff in answer.

“It’s not me you should apologize to.”, you tell him, and Jake looks at you with his sparkling green eyes, still the same as all these years ago.

“I did it to push him off his perch, you know just as well as me that if I hadn’t done this, he would’ve never gotten off of it and would’ve put everyone in danger but mostly you. And I can’t let that happen.”, he is scared, you can see it in his eyes, and you let out a sigh.

“Maybe but bringing up his dead father was probably not the way to do it.”, you tell him softly and Jake nods in agreement.

“Plus, it doesn’t really gives you a great look if you want to become team leader.”, this time Jake scoffs in answer, and you look at him in surprise.

“I don’t care about being team leader, the only thing I care about is you coming back alive.”, the words stun you, the vulnerability in his eyes even more and he sighs while rubbing a hand over his eyes. 

“We both know you are going to be on this mission, one way or another. You are the best pilot of our generation. But I would rather lose every ounce of respect from every single person in that room then lose you because Rooster stayed on his perch.”, the words are filled with honesty, making you fee lightheaded, your heart beating out of your chest.

“Who says Rooster will fly it.”, you tell him and Jake scoffs in answer.

“We both know he will, Maverick seems to think he is the one that can do it. But I can’t let you fly with him if I’m not sure you are coming back.”, he tells you and you can’t help but sigh at his words.

“Jake…”, he looks sad, looking back towards the ocean like it will hold all of the answers.

“I know, I shouldn’t have done it this way. I know I lost you that night when I left but I can’t lose you completely. I still want to hear about your exploits from the Admirals and hear about your flying, seeing it when I get the opportunity. You can’t die Fire, it would kill me.”, he whispers, tears in his eyes and you put your hand on his, holding it in yours.

“Look at me.”, you whisper, and Jake turns to look at you with glassy eyes.

“You didn’t lose me that night, god knows how much I think about you all the time. You still have a place in my heart Jake, and it will probably never go away. I know your scared, I am too every single time I see you leave in the sky, scared that you won’t come back. But I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere, alright?”, Jake nods slowly and he looks doubtful for a moment before bringing you into a loving kiss.

You melt against him, the feeling of his lips against yours makes you feel like you just came home. His arm is wrapped around your waist, holding you as close as he is able to while his other hand is cupping your cheek. You kiss him back fervently, hoping to convey every single thing you feel about him. 

“I love you, so much. You better come back to me.”, he whispers out of breath, and you nod quickly before bringing him back into another heated kiss.

“I love you too. But you better not say anything like that again or I will castrate you!”, Jake looks a little pale at your words before chuckling and bringing you into a soft kiss.

There is still that mission approaching but at that moment you enjoy the feeling of having Jake in your arms and the smell of his cologne. You are too focused on Jake to see the shadow that has been standing there for the better part of the conversation, with a look of realization.

It’s at that moment that Rooster realizes that he really ruined something good two years ago.

I'm sorry this took me so long to write! I just didn't know how to write down what I wanted to but here it is!

Series Taglist: @craftytrashprincess, @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy, @sherlockstrangewolf, @dempy, @ducks118, @hangmandruigandmav, @djs8891, @lauraseresin, @starkleila, @averagereader35, @nyx2021, @adaydreamaway08

Taglist: @avada-kedavra-bitch-187

[invidiia]

yandere poe and ranpo (together and platonic) with a teenager reader who had a bad childhood and coping it by being a girly girl ( getting they nails done, having a bunch of stuff animals, wears pink, love’s makeup, etc btw this are just examples because girly girl can mean many thing you know? SO SORRY if this is too much)

❐ - platonic yandere!ranpo and platonic yandere!poe (together) with a teenage reader into girly things

note ; first off, i'm sorry if this wasn't what you expected! i usually give my own interpretation of them as yanderes, and i usually just do what i thini would happen unless someone gets specific about it. on the other hand, i'm so glad to be getting into this request!! i've got over 8 requests in my inbox about platonic yandere ranpoe and i'm just??? y'all must like them a whole lot!! but yeah, if anyone has any other fics like this, then i wanna see, because i've never seen anyone do this?! i love ranpoe and platonic yanderes, so i'm glad to be combining them!! enough from me, onto the hcs!

prompt ; ranpo and poe are supportive of their traumatized little teenager!!

warning ; platonic yandere themes, stalking, kidnapped reader, gender neutral terms used but implied fem!reader, romantic ranpoe

masterlist - rules - previous

RANPO and POE are incredibly supportive of their teenager! they just think it's the cutest thing ever, their child being into all the girly things. the two love it!! they think it just suits you so well!

if they kidnapped you, there's a really good chance that they already knew that you enjoyed such girly things.

ranpo already knew, obviously. if you didn't open up to them when they brought you there? no need - ranpo pretty much stalked you and found out pretty much everything about you before you even knew you were going to be living with him!

the detective shamelessly stalked you, conveniently appearing in the same places as you, no matter where you ended up. the candy store? he liked candy, too! the clothing store? he was shopping for a lady-friend! although he never outright said he was following you, he just had a reason to he in the exact places as you, all the time.

and so did poe. when you happened to bump into the reappearing detective while you shopped, the taller man was right next to him, joining ranpo while he happened to be in the same place as you. every time you met him, he had a raccoon on his shoulders, the animal's tail swinging while you smiled at it.

sometimes, he even offered to pay for your stuff if the two of them walked up while you were paying. poe would conveniently look at your wallet with just barely enough money to pay for what you were about to buy, both his and ranpo's eyes catching the cute charms and accessories that hung off the purse.

of course, you always smiled at them and declined. sometimes, ranpo and poe just insisted, and you gave in, allowing them to pay for what you bought. it was just so nice of them! at first you thought nothing of it, maybe it was just the couple wanting to do something nice for a teenager who barely had enough to pay for their bag? but as it kept happening, you got confused, and began to think a bit more. you even asked them at one point, but the taller of the couple just waved his hand and spoke, "we just felt like it, don't worry."

so when you woke up in a strange place away from the comforts of your pink-decorated bedroom, you didn't expect your kidnappers to be the nice couple that you bumped into fairly often when in public.

upon finding out about your childhood, ranpo and poe are just absolutely compassionate. they felt horrible for you. coos of sympathy and pity were heard every time they noticed something new, like the colorful bracelets on your hand, your painted nails, your pink clothing, hairclips, everything. you'd grown used to it after some time, but the couple just couldn't help but get a tiny bit sad while they were reminded of the reason why you were the way you are.

some time after opening up just a bit more, ranpo and poe gladly allowed you to do what you pleased. they happily went shopping with you, following behind you while you skipped through the store, picking out nail polishes and looking at the couple as a way of asking if you could get it. the answer was never no, as they were happy to get you what you want. sort of as an apology for just taking you! it's okay to take advantage of that, poe was rich and felt bad he kidnapped you, so might as well 🤷‍♂️

when you got your nails done, ranpo sat with you while the manicurist took a file to your fingers. if you had a free hand, he held that during the process if the worker accidentally hurt you while doing your nails.

sometimes, even poe tagged along, sitting on the other side while you spoke, while karl jumped off his shoulder and climbed onto yours. you flinched a bit every time, while the person working on your nails sighed in annoyance at the movement. but it didn't matter, because you had ranpo and poe, and those were the only two you needed to be happy with you.

[cetaitlaverite]

Why All This Music?

Masters of the Air - Rosie Rosenthal x OC

masterlist is here <3

37. Hanging on the Phone

It had been an utterly blissful night they’d spent together. The only two people staying on the topmost floor of the hotel on the outskirts of Oxford, Freddie and Rosie made good use of their privacy and soaked up the joy of being newlyweds.

For Freddie, it was all entirely surreal. She’d woken up the previous morning thinking Rosie was gone forever, believing she would never see him again nor kiss him nor hug him nor sit on his lap, let alone marry him on a whirlwind wedding day which couldn’t have been more perfect. So she spent her wedding night making sure Rosie had no doubts about just how loved he was.

Rosie, of course, was not shy in making sure Freddie knew the same.

But all dreams must end, even the very best of them, and eventually came morning and the newlywed couple had to check out of the hotel and head back to the house. Once there, they had time only to sit down to lunch and fuss over celebrating Freddie’s birthday five days late before bundling back into the car and setting off for the train station. Short-lived honeymoon over - for now, at least - Rosie had to make the trek back to Thorpe Abbotts. His emergency leave was finished.

Freddie refused to let go of him as they stood on the train platform waiting for his train. Her arms were wrapped firmly around his middle, her cheek pressed to his chest, her eyes shut as though she could imagine them right back into the hotel room last night, where they’d created their own alternate reality where the war was finished and the rest of their lives could be solely dedicated to each other.

Rosie let her cling to him. He quite enjoyed the affection, in fact. He spoke quietly to her, pressing the occasional kiss to the top of her head, smiling to himself as middle-aged women and older couples and teenagers alike stopped to watch them. To people not actively participating in the war, a young couple being torn apart for the sake of the war effort was a spectacle, romantic and dramatic like a movie. Much more interesting to onlookers than they were to themselves, Freddie and Rosie didn’t feel romantic and dramatic, they just felt sad. A wedding shouldn’t be immediately followed by forced separation, they should be getting to laze around all day and enjoying their love for longer. A week, at the very least.

“It’s only for a few days, Fred,” Rosie kept reminding Freddie softly. When she didn’t reply he pressed another kiss to the top of her head and started to sway them both gently from side to side, humming under his breath all the while.

“Need you to stay,” Freddie mumbled in reply, pressing herself flush against him.

“I can’t, honey.” Rosie sighed, running his hands up and down her back reassuringly. “But it’s only for a few days. Catch up on some rest and make sure you’re eating, then before you know it you’ll be back at Thorpe Abbotts and we’ll be sneaking into the back of my plane every night just like before.”

“You don’t have a plane anymore,” Freddie reminded him softly. “It crashed.”

It was on the tip of his tongue to assure her that operations would get him another plane soon enough so he could continue his tour. Fifty-two missions flown total, twenty-five in his first tour and twenty-seven in his second. Three more missions and he would have qualified to go home again. Not that he would, but he didn’t think there was a single other pilot who had completed two whole tours and qualified to go home twice.

But Rosie didn’t say any of that. After the trauma she’d endured during his time on the continent - the trauma she was still working through, he knew, much as she refused to acknowledge it herself - the last thing she needed was a reminder that Rosie would be back in the pilot’s seat once more soon enough.

So all he did was smile as he rested his cheek on the top of her head. “Then we’ll just have to use your office.”

Finally, Freddie laughed a little bit - reluctantly and under her breath, but it made the sick, worried feeling in the pit of Rosie’s stomach that he’d been trying to hide all day ease a little bit. She was struggling right now but she would be okay. She just needed to spend a few more days at home recovering and when she returned to base to find Rosie still alive and well she’d be fine.

“Stand back from the platform edge!” called one of the railway workers from the end of the platform. “The three twenty-five train to London Paddington is about to arrive!”

Freddie held on tighter to Rosie, pressed herself impossibly closer. Rosie didn’t realise she had started to cry until he felt her shoulders heave in a sob.

“Fred, sweetheart,” Rosie cooed, forcing her hold on him to slacken so he could meet her eyes. He cupped her cheeks in both of his hands, wiping away her tears with his thumbs as they fell. “It’s just a couple days.”

“So much can happen in that time!” Freddie cried.

“Nothing bad’s gonna happen to me, Fred,” Rosie assured her. He pressed a firm kiss to her forehead. “You’ll come back to base in a few days and I’ll be right there at the gate, waiting for you with Mils and Jem and Meatball.”

“I’m so scared,” Freddie confessed, her voice choked and wobbling.

Rosie nodded, his heart aching. He couldn’t help but feel responsible for all this. “I know, baby, but it’s all gonna be okay. I need you to trust me on that, okay? You just spend these next few days giving Bruno and Earnie all your attention, huh? They miss you so bad when you’re away. They’ll be glad to get a few extra days with you.”

“I want to stay with you,” Freddie whimpered.

Rosie nodded. “I know, sweetheart. But we’ll be back together soon, alright?”

In the end, Alma and Felix had to pry Freddie off of Rosie. They’d been standing back, trying to give them their privacy, but as the train rolled in and Freddie didn’t show any signs of letting go it had become clear there was no alternative solution; this train was the latest Rosie could get on if he was going to arrive back at Thorpe Abbotts tonight in time for his pre-scheduled meeting with Colonel Bennett.

“One more kiss,” Freddie pleaded with her parents as they started to back her away. “Just one, I swear. Then I’ll let go.”

Alma and Felix hesitated so Rosie made the decision for them, approaching until he was close enough to meet Freddie halfway for a lingering kiss. “I love you,” he told her as he pulled away, pressing a final kiss to her forehead for good measure.

“I love you too,” Freddie replied, her voice full of tears. “So bad.”

Rosie smiled softly, sadly. “So bad,” he agreed. “I’ll see you soon, okay?”

Freddie mustered a nod. That was all the reply she could give him just now.

Rosie was the last person to board the train. The conductor had been watching the scene on the platform and had held it for him. But, finally, he was onboard and the door was being closed behind him, and he set his bag on the floor so he could wave goodbye and blow two-handed kisses to Freddie through the window.

“I love you so bad!” he mouthed to her as the train started to pull away.

Freddie was frowning deeply, swiping at her eyes as she mouthed, “I love you so bad!” back.

The car journey home was spent in silence. Freddie couldn’t speak for fear she’d throw up all over the backseat. When they arrived home she headed straight for the bathroom and crouched in front of the toilet for the better part of an hour before her nausea subsided.

After that, Freddie would not get off the phone. She asked the operator to put her through to the phone in the air exec office at Thorpe Abbotts so often that, recognising her voice upon greeting, the operator started putting her straight through without having to ask who she wanted to reach. And the secretary responsible for picking up the phone, Mary Lou, started to forgo her own greeting, too, when she recognised Freddie on the other end of the phone, and simply asked instead, “Major Rosenthal or Section Officer Harlow?”

“Major Rosenthal, please, Mary Lou,” Freddie chirped in response.

Mary Lou laughed. “I’ll just go get him for you, ma’am.”

“Thank you!”

Mary Lou put Freddie on hold as she went to go and fetch Rosie. While she waited, Freddie leaned her shoulder against the living room wall, twirling the telephone cord lazily around her finger, humming softly and tapping her toe as she waited for Rosie to come to the phone.

“Fred?” Rosie asked the instant he came on the line.

“Baby!” Freddie exclaimed. “I miss you so much!”

Rosie laughed. “I talked to you an hour ago, honey.”

“That’s too long,” Freddie dismissed him. “I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

“I’m fine, sweetheart,” Rosie assured her. “I miss you too. I was just in a meeting with Colonel Bennett.”

“Oh.” Freddie chewed on her bottom lip momentarily. “Is it about you re-upping?”

Rosie paused. Freddie could hear him shift his feet and adjust his posture. She imagined his sheepish expression. “Yeah.”

Freddie swallowed hard. “Oh.”

Rosie didn’t immediately reply, waiting for her to say something else, but when it became clear she wasn’t going to he sighed. “Fred, honey, I gotta go. Bennett’s waiting on me and -”

“No, no, that’s okay,” Freddie hurried to reassure him. “Sorry for interrupting.”

She could hear the indulgent smile in Rosie’s voice when next he spoke. “Do you want me to call you after?”

Freddie faltered, because she knew she was being clingy and overbearing but she just couldn’t help it. Every second she didn’t spend speaking to him or speaking to Millie about him she spent in the terrible throes of worry, imagining hundreds of different ways he might have died since they’d spoken last.

“Yes please,” she replied softly after a beat. Her voice was small and childlike. She hated to rely on him like this.

“Alright,” Rosie agreed. “I’ll call you back as soon as I come out. I’ll talk to you soon, okay, sweetheart?”

“Yes,” Freddie confirmed. “Speak to you soon.”

Freddie sat by the telephone like a loyal dog sat by the front door waiting for its owner to return, staring at it as she waited for it to ring. She had a book of poetry open in her lap - one of the books Rosie had given her for Christmas - which she pretended immense interest in whenever her mother walked by, but otherwise her focus never faltered. The sick feeling in her stomach didn’t subside until the phone rang.

“Rosie?” Freddie asked, breathless with the speed with which she’d tossed her book aside and lunged for the phone.

“Hi, honey,” Rosie greeted on the other end. “You alright?”

“Yes,” Freddie replied. “I’m good. How did the meeting go?”

Rosie paused. Freddie steeled herself for the worst. But when he cleared his throat to answer her, the answer was, “He’s not letting me re-up.”

Every bit of tension in Freddie’s body released in one fell swoop. “He’s not?”

“He said I’ve done enough,” Rosie confirmed ruefully. “All I wanted was to finish my second tour - I only had three left! But he told me no. Said I’ve done my fair share and now I’ll be more useful on the ground.”

Freddie could hear the frustration in his voice and, beyond that, the sadness. He was never going to feel like he’d fully done his part, not while the war was still going on. Fifty-two missions flown and he still didn’t see that it was enough.

“Oh, darling,” Freddie sighed, in spite of the relief flooding her stomach. “I’m so sorry. And I know you feel like you’re letting people down but you’ve already done so much more than anyone could ever ask of you. You could’ve gone home, Rosie - twenty-seven missions ago you could’ve been stateside. You’ve done more than double the missions originally asked of you, so many more than anyone ever expected of you. You -” Freddie sighed once more, clutching at her heart because it ached, knowing that she couldn’t do anything to properly soothe him, not when they were so far apart. “You really have done more than enough, my love. You don’t see it because of who you are but everyone else does.”

“Just feel so helpless,” Rosie confessed after a beat. His voice was so small and soft and dejected. “I wanna do more than push paper in air exec.”

“But they need people like you pushing paper in air exec,” Freddie reminded him. “People who know what the reality of flying these missions is, know what has to be done to give the boys the best possible chance of going home. You won’t be in the pilot’s seat but that doesn’t mean you won’t be doing anything. I’ve never flown a plane, do you think that makes my job unimportant?”

“Of course not,” Rosie replied immediately.

“Right,” Freddie confirmed. “Just because I’m pushing paper in an office doesn’t mean I’m not saving lives, Rosie. It’ll be the same for you. How many missions have you been sent out on which were little more than suicide because whoever planned them had never actually been out there and seen it all for himself? If you’re in the room, overseeing all of the missions going out, you won’t let that happen to anyone else.” Freddie paused, listening to his deep breathing, and shut her eyes as she let her head tip to the side to rest against the wall. “I know you don’t believe it right now, but once you start and you see the influence you have I think you’ll see, my love. The best place for you now - the place the other men need you the most now - is in air exec.”

Rosie didn’t say anything for a while as he mulled over her words, but Freddie knew this wasn’t the end of it. He was just cooking up another angle to argue his point.

Eventually, Rosie drew in the tell-tale breath which told Freddie she was right. “I’ve earned the right to lead my boys -”

“Your boys have earned the right to fly smart missions,” Freddie cut him off. “They’ve earned the right to have someone who knows what they’re doing telling them where to go and what to do and making sure they’re not flying straight into a hornet’s nest. And you know what else? I have earned the right to have a living husband once all of this is finished. I have earned the right to sleep soundly at night knowing my husband won’t be shot out of the sky any day now. After everything, Rosie, that is what I have earned. I thought I lost you once. Don’t do it to me again.”

Silence fell on the line. Each listened to the other’s breathing. Freddie found comfort in Rosie’s long, slow breaths. Rosie found purpose in Freddie’s soft, gentle ones.

“I love you, Fred,” Rosie said after a while. “I love you so bad.”

Freddie smiled to herself. “I love you too, my darling love. So, so very bad.” Alma started coming down the stairs, then, and Freddie froze. “I think I’m about to get in trouble,” she whispered into the phone.

“Wils?” Alma asked, turning the corner and stopping in her tracks when she spotted Freddie hunched over the telephone. Instantly, a frown spread across her face. “Who are you on the phone to?”

“Um -”

“Wils, don’t tell me you’ve phoned Rosie again.”

Freddie stood up straighter and frowned back at her. “Well, actually he phoned me.”

Alma gave her a look.

“Okay, I phoned him first, but that’s beside the point! The point is -”

Alma wasn’t interested in what the point was. Instead, she marched over to the telephone and wrenched the receiver out of Freddie’s hand. “Hi, Rosie,” she spoke into it. “How are you, love?” As she listened to Rosie’s reply, she was eyeing Freddie closely. “Good, I’m glad to hear it. Yes, I’m very well too. Listen, Wils has to go now and if she telephones you again today please don’t answer, alright?”

“Mum -!”

Alma held up one finger to silence Freddie as she listened to whatever Rosie was saying on the other end of the line.

“No, I know you don’t,” Alma eventually replied. “But it’s not healthy for her to be hanging on the phone all day long. One call a day, right before bed. That’s it. Any more than that and I don’t want you to come to the phone, okay?”

Freddie’s heart was pounding in her chest as she watched on, powerless. Her hands were starting to shake at her sides.

“Good,” Alma finally declared with a triumphant smile. “Goodbye, Rosie.” She stayed on the line just long enough to receive Rosie’s goodbye before putting the phone down.

Freddie lunged to catch it but was too slow. She was left staring, despondent, at the phone on the hook, with no one on the other end.

“I didn’t get to say goodbye,” Freddie mumbled as she stared at it, forlorn.

“You’ll speak to him tomorrow night,” Alma assured her, squeezing her shoulder as she passed her on her way to the kitchen. “Tea?” When she turned back, she scowled. “Wilfrieda Jane Leroy, get your hand off that phone right this instant.”

Freddie tilted her chin up defiantly as she turned back to her mother. “My last name isn’t Leroy anymore. It’s Rosenthal.”

Alma rolled her eyes. “Wilfrieda Jane Rosenthal, get your hand off that phone right this instant or so help me I will smash the bloody thing to pieces. Three phone calls already today, five yesterday, eight the day before that. What’s wrong, Wils?”

Freddie looked away, hugging her arms around herself and setting her eyes on the fireplace. It looked so bare without all the Christmas stockings on it. Maybe they should put up some flowers.

“Hm?” Alma prompted her. “Why do you keep phoning Rosie?”

“He’s my husband -”

“Wils, it isn’t right and you know it,” Alma cut across her. She’d anticipated an evasion of the truth. “I’m your mother and I love you and I only ever have your best interests at heart, but what is this preoccupation you’ve got with being on the phone to him?”

Freddie felt her bottom lip start to wobble so she sank her teeth into it, refusing to cry. She rubbed her thumb back and forth over her wedding and engagement rings, slowly starting to shake her head. “You wouldn’t let me go back with him,” she finally replied, her voice soft and quiet. “And now I don’t know for certain whether he’s okay all the time. So I phone him to make sure and to remind him I love him. Just in case.” She sighed, fighting to make her mother understand. “I just -” She shook her head once more. “Just in case.”

Alma didn’t say anything, but there was a strange look on her face when Freddie worked up the courage to look over that she couldn’t quite place. The light of recognition, of understanding, was in her eyes, and it made Freddie’s stomach flip, like when she felt eyes on her but couldn’t find them when she turned to look. But Alma’s mouth was set in a thin line, not displeased with her so much as displeased about something. There was a furrow in her brow, a hard set to her shoulders. Whatever expression this was, Freddie didn’t like it at all.

“Come and have some tea, Wils,” Alma replied after a few beats. “I think it’ll make you feel better.” She held out her hand, a warm smile sitting poised on her lips, and wiggled her fingers until Freddie accepted it.

With one last longing look back at the phone, Freddie followed her mother into the kitchen.

[jgroffdaily]

How does it feel to be nominated alongside Daniel and Lindsay after doing Merrily together for nearly two years?

I'd known Lindsay forever; I didn't know Dan. I knew his work, but I didn't really know him personally. And I remember feeling, the first day when we walked into rehearsal, that so much has come for free, like when you go on a good date and the conversation is flowing.

It's really emotional because now, we're actually friends in a deep way. We've seen each other go through so many different things. We were at Lindsay's wedding; Lindsay's pregnant; Dan had a baby with his girlfriend — all in the last two years.

So much life has happened. We've lived the experience of doing the show both personally and as characters. There's so much real feeling that now I don't know where one of us begins and the other one ends. It's such a symbiotic relationship at this point, and to be here celebrating a show like this is phenomenal.

Did you have a connection to Merrily before joining this production?

[Actor] Gideon Glick, who I did Spring Awakening with, texted us all on the Spring Awakening chain years ago and said, "Oh my god, you guys have to see this Merrily documentary. It's us. It's reminding me so much of us."

In 2021, in November, we did a 15-year anniversary reunion concert of Spring Awakening. I invited [production company] Radical Media to come and record the concert and do a documentary that was, in large part, inspired by that Merrily documentary because I wanted to capture us from 15 years before and us now.

A couple months later, I got asked to be a part of this production. I watched Maria's British production of Merrily on YouTube, which is still there. When the character of Frank [...] said, "I've only made one mistake in my life. I made it over and over and over again, and that was saying yes when I meant no," that was the moment where I was like, "I have to play this part." I feel that so deeply.

Is there anything you wish Sondheim could know about this production?

I feel him talking to us every night. A gift that he left our whole community is his work. Between Off-Broadway and Broadway, we've done Merrily over 300 times. As a performer, that's really kicking the tires of the material if you still feel, over 300 performances in, like there's still so much more to learn. In his work, in his music, in his lyrics, honestly, last night — I'm feeling new things that I've never felt before.

Great art, when you get the chance as an actor to perform it, changes you from the inside out. I feel like I'm learning every day. It's like free therapy to do his work because it's so poetic and so thoughtful and so emotional.

What was your first experience with Sondheim's work?

[My] Sondheim gateway was a VHS from Suncoast Video at the Park City Mall of Into the Woods when I was in seventh or eighth grade. I brought it home. I was like, "What is this? I love musicals. I love fairy tales."

I watched it in one sitting and then I rewound it and then watched it all a second time.

What did theatre mean to you when you were younger?

Getting the chance to do theatre in [middle] school was life-changing for me. Same thing in high school.

[I had] the opportunity of being on a stage and getting to express myself as a teenager, and then going to see theatre and [discovering] that's it's so easy to understand the medium because you can perform it at school and then also see it. It's the actor's medium — you see people out there doing it live, and there's a real communion with the audience.

Being closeted when I was in high school — as I look back now, I didn't realize it then, but theatre was where I went to express myself, express joy, express sadness, express love, express myself physically, just even the act of singing. When I look back now, I realized that theatre, as a teenager, completely saved my life.

Do you have a favorite memory associated with the Tony Awards? The annual broadcast is many people's introduction to Broadway.

Oh my God, so many. I would record the Tonys on a VHS, and then I would bring them into school and show them to my fellow students in math class.

I taught a unit on the Tony Awards at York Little Theatre summer camp in 2004 with a bunch of 10-year-olds. It was the year of Wicked and Avenue Q and The Boy From Oz and Caroline, or Change. They all held a vote on who they thought should win Best Actress.

Probably the Tony performance I've watched the most is Sutton Foster doing "Forget About the Boy" [from the musical Thoroughly Modern Millie in 2002]. I was in high school. I saw the show six times. The heat coming off her as [...] she's playing this character of moving to New York and wanting to make her dreams come true — I was just lit on fire by her and that performance.

[hitorinorin]

The sun hung low on the horizon, painting the beach in a warm, golden hue. As gentle waves kissed the shore, you sat together on a cozy picnic blanket, while Rin strummed his acoustic guitar. Although you both stood on the precipice of adulthood, teenagers on the verge of assuming life's weighty responsibilities, in this moment, you and Rin were nothing more than carefree kids.

Building sandcastles, serenading each other with songs, laughing at the tiniest of things, and declaring your love every five minutes—this slice of time felt perfect and eternal.

Yet, the relentless march of adulthood loomed, reminding you of life's fleeting nature. You watched Rin, lost in thought as he stared at the sunset. Bathed in the sun's warm, golden glow, his silhouette etched against the fading light, he appeared almost otherworldly. The world itself seemed to pause, acknowledging the transient beauty of the scene—a poignant reminder that even the most enchanting moments must yield to the passage of time.

"What are you looking at, idiot?" the young Itoshi asked.

"Nothing, don't mind me. I'm just… savoring this moment while it lasts," you replied.

You anticipated Rin would shift his gaze and dismiss your sentiment. However, you were taken aback when you noticed glistening tears in your lover's eyes. He wasn't one to openly display emotion, but your words had stirred within him an awareness of the limited time you had left together.

Upon learning of your impending move to another country, Rin had initially reacted with anger, but beneath that anger simmered fear and sadness. It was as if something raged within his heart, and the storm clouds of uncertainty threatened to overshadow your profound love for each other. Unable to alter your decision, he bottled up these futile feelings until they became too much. He cried in front of you.

He wept in front of the person he loved and cherished deeply—a vulnerability he seldom revealed. In that moment, he allowed his true emotions to surface without restraint.

"Rin, I'm sorry," you said, tears streaming down your face.

"Don't be. It's too late. Just do me a favor, okay?" he responded.

"Chase your dreams for me, and I'll chase mine for you. This won't be the last time we meet, I promise. I'll find you, even if you've disappeared from the face of the Earth. My heart will always find its way back to you. So please, just be happy, even if it's without me."

"Rin, be happy for me too, please. I don't care if it's with another woman, as long as she makes you feel happy and free. I'm okay with that. Find a good woman for me; I love you."

"That's nonsense," he thought.

Why were you telling him to find someone else when that person was right in front of him? But the words remained unspoken, lost in a sea of unexpressed desires and unshed tears, as the sun dipped below the horizon, marking the end of a perfect yet bittersweet day.

Your summers together might have temporarily come to an end, but the magical hymn of your voice remains echoing inside his heart. You will come back to him, and his heart will come back to you. As the day comes to an end, he himself knows that his ultimate freedom will forever be found in your arms.

© hitorinorin | do not plagiarize!

[miss0atae]

Random thoughts about Dead Friend Forever episode 11 :

It’s the second to last episode before the end of the series. This episode gave us the final flashback, I believe. We now know what happened after Tee brought Non to his uncle.

▪️ First thing first, I’m glad I was wrong about what happened to No. I really thought he would end up sex-trafficking to repay his debts, but it was less horrible. Don’t get me wrong, it was still a very dreadful situation. At first, Tee’s Uncle wanted to sell his organs, but Tee spoke up for Non and he got spared. Instead of being killed and his organs sold, Non ended up working in the illegal casino of Tee’s Uncle. I don’t know how Non still found the will to live because he lost everything. He never deserved any of the shits that happened to him. He was abused, exploited, abandoned, beaten and scared for no reason. He was just different and all those who hurt him did it because they just couldn’t accept this difference. I’m glad he lashed at Tee and asked him why he had to endure all of that. He just wanted to finish a stupid short movie. He was a normal kid who wanted to do something he likes and his life turned into hell. I felt like crying when Non said he was a loser and couldn’t even get back to his parents because they wouldn’t care for him (which we know is not true but Non never got to know it). The worst thing is Tee didn’t have any answer to give him because they never had any good reasons to be this mean to him.

▪️ The hardest part was watching Non becoming this empty shell while working at the casino. He had a vacant look. His face was still messed up from his beating. He was also hunched and he was unsteady when walking. You could see, he was barely clinging to life. He was also coughing a lot which made me see that he never really got better after being beaten and he must have been exhausted from working a lot. I really wanted someone to just miraculously appear and save him from this hell but this is not the tone of this series.

▪️ This episode was clearly centered around Tee’s side of the story. We saw how guilty he felt to Non and how he wanted to make him leave his Uncle’s place as quickly as possible. He started to work more at the casino and for his Uncle’s embezzlement schemes (don’t know if it is how you should call it). He also got a part-time job at an internet cafe, where he found a way of making more money to give them to Non. Every time, he saw Non, it was a reminder of how he fucked up. Many times, he referred to Non as his friend during the episode. I don’t know if he truly believed it or if it was just the guilt. Non and him had a weird relationship. It was clearly emphasizes during the part where Tee gave him a money envelop. The way Non looked at him and how he reacted it… I don’t know, I felt there were a lot of nonverbal communication between them at this moment. I’m probably over analyzing this part.

▪️ After this moment, we had a glimpse of Tee’s life with his father. We previously heard about him in previous episodes but never got to see it. Tee came back home and couldn't find his father. He isn’t well and Tee is the one who has to take care of him. It clearly has a negative impact on Tee since he must be the responsible one when he should just live a normal teenager’s life. He wishes to have this life he can’t have, instead he has to be involved in his Uncle’s life to be able to get money and to survive. As always, with DFF, you see, this is never all-or-nothing. Tee has a very hard life and he has troubles keeping himself afloat, but at the same time he didn’t hesitate to use and abuse Non to serve his own interest. He knew it would be terrible. How can he not know it? He said to his father he didn’t want to be involved in this gray business. I think you can feel sad for him and understand how difficult it can be, but also vilified him for what he’s done to Non. If only he had found the help he needed before… I don’t know how he would have turned. We would never have this story, I guess.

▪️ This series loves to blow hot and cold. You start to feel pity for Tee and this series shows you, you can’t. The next scene is Tee coming to the casino and not finding Non. Perth is the one telling him and us why. That’s where we discover Non being dead. He died… I can’t accept it. It may sounds crazy but I had this idea of him being away and having a really good reason to not be here in the present… I wanted it to be true. Unfortunately, it isn’t. Non is dead. He died of exhaustion… This is so sad! Tee is as lost as us, viewers. I know the group is at fault with Non, but frankly I was mostly furious with Tee’s Uncle in this scene (This man is a freaking cancer and manipulator). At the beginning of the episode, after Tee spoke up for Non, we learn from his Uncle how Non’s debt isn’t that high in fact. He should have been able to pay it and move on with his life. Instead, he died of exhaustion after everything he went through, alone and sad. He never learned about how his parents did everything to find him, how they died… The only person who knew about his death at that time was Tee… The only person who cried for him at the end was Tee… someone who made him get to this point. Cruel irony! I really cried when reading the message on the paper where he said: “I’m gonna get out of this place. I’m not a loser”. Shit! That hurts. He was counting the day. I can’t believe Tee did nothing after discovering it. He just decided to be sad and depressed. That’s his answer… Yes, he cried. I also cried. Did it change anything? No… I wish he at least tried to do something to avenge him… anything. Even, if it didn’t work.

▪️ Tee decided he just didn’t deserves happiness but happiness found him anyway. That’s when White came into the picture. He just arrived at the internet cafe and apparently became very interested in Tee. They started to spend a lot of time together. White was this flirty and cute boy who wanted to charm his crush. They were cute. I mean the series did something magical because I couldn’t stand Tee and I still found his burgeoning relationship with White, cute and charming. Being in love with White, made Tee realized he could be a good person and he should do his most to get better. It would have been sweet in another series. Right now, it just feels flat after what happened to Non. Poor White, never knew the truth until Tee told his side of the story. White really has nothing to do with Non and he is just a poor boy who fell in love with someone he shouldn't have which dragged him into this mess. He truly is innocent and I will get mad if anything happen to him. I don’t care about the others. They can all die, but not White. If there is only one who deserves to leave this house alive, it’s him.

▪️ Back into the present, Phee takes the gun from Fluke and he wants to stop this madness but Tan/New is set on making everyone pay for what happened to his brother. He has nothing to lose anymore and he will not let Phee stand in the way of his revenge. Besides, he never completely trust him. He starts to smoke and everyone pass out because of it.

Next week is going to be the conclusion of his revenge. How is it going to end? Will Tan/New get justice for his brother? Is anyone going to be alive at the end of the next episode? I’m dying to know. It’s going to be really hard waiting for this last episode. Until now, this series has been really entertaining and I hope the end will be great. I don’t want to feel disappointed.

[charsoamerican]

OK so I made a Taylor Swift, the inheritance games playlist

The Way I Loved You - giving tfg when Avery was mad over jameson being over protective

I Can See You - such a hot song but also describing averyxjameson relationship perfectly

Bigger Than The Whole Sky - describes Avery and Toby’s relationship so well and just them especially the lyrics “You were more then just a short time” and “Everything to come has turned to ashes” so yeah

Sparks Fly - totally avery talking about Jameson like “you’re the kind of reckless that should send me running” and “get me with those green eyes baby as the lights go down, give me something that will haunt me when you’re not around” and “my mind forgets to remind me that you’re a bad idea” LIKE

Mine - fr just the lyric “you made a rebel of a careless man’s careful daughter” think about that is literally perfect

Long Story Short - it’s so perfect and also this song can literally be a summary of the romance in the whole series but anyway THESE lyrics; “no more keeping score, now I just keep you warm” and “if the shoe fits walk in it til your high heels break” fits Avery perfectly, she was literally broke and turned into the worlds richest teenager overnight, like she obvi didn’t know everything immediately

Evermore - it’s like sad but stillllll “in the cracks of light I dreamed of you” because when she was in a coma the first thing she heard was Jamies voice and then “it was real enough to get me through” because they never really called it love in thl but it was there (omg that was so cringy forget I said that)

Call It What You Want - literally this whole song is just perfect for them every lyric is perfect but what stood out to me was “you don’t need to save me, but would you run away with me?” Because she didn’t need Jameson to protect her by preventing her from doing things, but she still wanted to do it with him instead

Fearless - idk but there is just something so fitting with the name of this song like jameson literally took her hand and drove her head first fearless “you’re just so cool, run your hands through your hair” also *reminder* Jameson is cool, but on serious note, “I don’t why but with you I’d dance in a storm in my best dress, fearless” bc yes

Mastermind - them. they literally are masterminds. “And the first night that you saw me I knew I wanted your body” also this line “you see, all the wisest women had to do it this way, because we were born to be the pawn of every lovers game” works with how she felt like Jameson just thought of her as part of the game and not a human with feeling in tig

Wildest Dreams - I just feel like they would literally do anything for eachother and this is totally not on this playlist because of the “he’s so tall and handsome as hell” line and it’s also definitely not about Jameson 😳

Lavender Haze - the lyrics are just so perfect like “I’ve been under scrutiny, you handle it beautifully” and “I’m damned if I do give a damn what people say” AND “They’re bringing up my history, but you weren’t even listening” THESE LYRICS OH MY

Midnight Rain (“he was sunshine I was midnight rain” because Jameson is literally golden retriever on the inside and Avery is very chill and yeah this is just me fantasizing soo)

Wonderland (this song literally IS jameson and Avery. Get ready for me to basically quote the whole song “Didn’t they tell us don’t rush into things? Didn’t you flash your green eyes at me? Haven’t you heard what becomes of curious minds?” LIKE WHAT? I’m convinced jlb wrote this romance based off of this song and also “didn’t you calm my fears with a Cheshire Cat smile?” His smile is literally described as “a Cheshire Cat smile” in the first book before Avery starts calling it devastating. “We found wonderland, you and I got lost in it, life was never worse, but never better”

Anti-Hero - literally should be jamies theme song. People always are like “Grayson is so depressed he deserves better” but what about Jameson?? Like he literally blames himself for Emily’s death and basically sh when jumping off the cliff. He always compares himself to Grayson. Like the lyrics “pierced through the heart but never killed” he literally is almost if not just as much broken as Grayson is but he’s just better at hiding it and covering it up with a smile, but I do think Grayson needs therapy desperately like jlb please help him

You’re on your own kid - This song fits Avery soo well like after her mom died no one really could take care of her, I mean I know Libby did, and I love Libby, but it was just different? And also when she inherited the billions of dollars everyone hated her pretty much so yeah. I think the lyric “Everything you lose is a step you take” it just is Avery

Paris (it just relates to Avery and Jameson sm, like the lyric “I’m so in love i might stop breathing, drew a map on your bedroom ceiling” Avery made a point about how they want to go places together. “Romance is not dead if you keep it just yours”

Other ones that I’m too lazy to explain

Style

Vigilante Sh*t

Forever Winter

I Did Something Bad

Don’t Blame Me

Paper Rings (I’m a big xandermax and nashlibby stan)

London Boy

Getaway Car

Miss Americana and the heartbreak prince

Blank Space

[starrieslove]

spoilers for hollow city!!

also this is long so if you don’t want to read the whole thing/scroll (me too twin) I wouldn’t open it. I be yappin

I feel like I’m running around the rings of hell every time I so much as remind myself of the dreams Jacob has of home (specifically the one in the beginning of hollow city) just because of the fact that no matter when he goes, no matter who with, no matter where he is, he can’t ever just go back home and call it all a bad dream. He can’t ever go sit at his grandpas grave and cry like a regular kid. He can’t unhappily stock shelves and entertain his parents dreams of him. He can’t not be the towns freak cold case. it messes with my head that somewhere in any century he can get to, there’s a teenage boy looking for his friends, the only people he truly feels related to in a sonic sense, knowing that he might not find any of them while simultaneously cramming the voices of his mom and dad back into his imagination because they just can’t be his top priority anymore.

It’s utterly inescapable for him. His biggest dream, his lifelong passion, now a reality, and yet he will always long for that silent, stainless, sad life back in Florida. He has to explore, he has to look in places he can barely see, what else can he do?

Every quiet moment he gets, he’ll be thinking of his dad perched on that cliff, binoculars practicing sewed onto his eyes as he looks for his boy. Anything left of his boy. He’ll be thinking of his mom, her freshly manicured nails slowly chipping away while she spends the day in his room. He’ll be thinking of that last phone call, a sour guilt, a burning sadness rooted now in his bones as he replays their bargaining voices. He’ll be thinking of that last fight with Ricky, if it was worth what little they had. He’ll be thinking of holding his grandfather in his arms, trying to keep him off the dirt at least. He’ll be thinking of what he could’ve had if he’d never felt so different, if he’d never listened. He’ll be thinking he regrets it, growing weary of his fate as the world tries to woo him to feel otherwise. A complete change of hands in an unfair card game.

By far, he’s one of the most captivating characters I’ve ever read, he tears me to shreds