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theartfuldodger26 · 4 years

Note

Bellamort for the ship meme

Thank you @knightessofwalpurgis for the ask and apologies for taking me a month to answer - March has been... quite the experience. But Bellamort exists to give us comfort, so let’s get crackin’!

who is more likely to hurt the other?

Voldemort can tear anyone apart with some well-chosen words (as we see Locket!Voldemort do to Ron), but he rarely uses those on Bella, because a. she rarely deserves to be humiliated like that, and b. he just wouldn’t do that to her.

What’s more likely, is that he hurts her inadvertently, since he may fail to understand certain emotional needs that Bella most people have - a touch, a kind word after success, casual conversation over a cup of tea. In addition to that, Bella, who is obsessed with him and the position she holds in his eyes, tends to overreact to those “omissions”, getting convinced he ‘never truly valued her’ and he’s going to ‘kick her out any day now’.

However, let us take a moment to note the day that Bella deeply hurt Voldemort: the night of her betrothal to Rodolphus, when Voldemort proposed marriage and Bella turned him down for reasons that, in retrospect, she finds ridiculous.

So in a way, you could say that of the two, Voldemort is the brokenhearted one, even if it’s Bella who cries herself to sleep from time to time.

who is emotionally stronger?

They’re both incredibly strong people.

Voldemort pulled himself out of the gutter, basically raised himself and became one of the most powerful and learned wizards ever.

Bella survived fucking Azkaban, which is code for severe depression in HP-land, so all I can do is salute her and ask for her secrets.

The answer is a little tricky, in the sense that Voldemort appears to be a psychopath, medically speaking, who are... resilient people emotionally, if you will. This means that an event that would have had a massive effect on a neurotypical person, say witnessing a murder or war, to him it’s very blunted or even irrelevant. This description is very vague and generalising, but it’s supported by a lot of evidence. In fact, psychopaths can’t really feel fear, because their amygdala is the size of a pea, so it’s not fair comparing his emotional strength to others. In fact, I’d add that since he’s not used to “negative emotions” like sadness and fear, if they happen, they’d be more devastating to him, because he’s never learnt to cope with them, like the rest of us do.

Bella obviously has her own emotional/psychiatric problems, but I don’t feel comfortable making guesses, since I’m not a psychiatrist and she’s no textbook description of any personality disorder I’ve heard. However, she got an interestng upbringing, that trained her to be a person of importance. So I’d say that even after Azkaban and with whatever issues she has, she can still hold her own in a very difficult emotional situation.

I realise I haven’t answered the question, because honestly Idk. Also, take with a grain of salt anything psychiatry-related I said, I’m no expert, merely done some research, which I’m regurgitating here.

who is physically stronger?

Naturally, Bella. She trains a lot, does ballet (which is fucking hardcore, let me tell you), enjoys physical activities and martial arts.

However, after Voldemort’s transformation, he’s got many of his physical attributes improved, like the cat-eyes that allow him to see in the dark and so on (been reading a lot of the Witcher series as of recent so there’s that too), so he’s deceptively strong and yes, eventually stronger than her.who is more likely to break a bone?

Bella, 100% XD She’s in battle all the time, and when taking part in Voldemort’s magical research (which is their day-job, world domination is a weekend hobby in case you haven’t noticed) her motto is ‘safety third’.

An interesting point tho. Psychopaths have no fear and low-impulse control if they don’t train themselves. Fear is useful, informs us of danger ahead, so I HC that young Tom/Voldemort broke almost every bone in his body at some point doing something really dangerous simply because he didnt realise it’s stupid - like, say, go down a fucking cliff with waves crushing at it. Now he’s learnt to control those impulses and polices himself when it comes to danger, so no more broken bones. who knows best what to say to upset the other?

They’re both excellent at judging characters and have tongues that sting. Bella will rarely truly dare upset Voldemort, but she does love torturing him a little with something silly and not-truly important, like refusing sex, or messing with his OCD by taking stuff from “their proper place”. She knows that there’s only few things that tick him off: his loss of power to an infant, death and the abandonment from his mother. And she’s not that sadistic to bring up that last one unless absolutely provoked.

Voldemort can be a tease as well, but he’s too mature and dignified for such childish behaviour most of the time. who is most likely to apologise first after an argument?

Bella apologises compulsively out of fear she’s lost him even for things that aren’t her fault, tho in her mind they might be. However, she’s stubborn too, so if it’s a petty argument she might not apologise at all. Shes a spoilt little rich girl after all ;)

Voldemort’s never apologised in his life and never shall say the words, but he will change his behaviour if he realises he’s been wrong, because it’s the rational thing to do- also Bella is supersexy when she’s angry, so he wants to fuck her and he needs to her to be accepting to that. who treats who’s wounds more often?

Voldemort treats Bella’s wounds more often by default, since she’s the one out in the battlefield more often, and also can be clumsy and absentminded. And very rarely *trigger alert* she might self-harm.

Voldemort not only gets hurt rarely, but he also views it demeaning to accept help, so he won’t even mention it if he’s hurt. Bella will find out by accident or because he’s in so much pain he can’t hide it anymore, and with scold him first, he’ll storm off, she’ll hunt him down, they’ll argue and finally she’ll heal his wounds (usually his back which hurts because he’s Tall^TM) and he’ll act like a literal cat during this, touch-starved as he is. who is in constant need of comfort?

Right after Azkaban Bella is in need of a lot of care and comfort, understandably. Her physical and emotional problems are their reality for many months after her escape, but the physical ones mend themselves relatively quickly. She’s forever changed emotionally, again understandably, but I wouldn’t say she’s in *constant* need of comfort. In an AU where they win, she’s perfectly functional as his right hand woman and partner, with only the occasional problem.

Voldemort needs to get through his tough, bald head that he deserves love and comfort like everyone else, but he’ll never get it, so, in the whole, it’s him I’d say. who gets more jealous?

Interesting question, because fandom’s given so many answers relating to those characters, especially since Bella is married. Starting with this piece of solid information, I’d hazard a guess that Voldemort doesn’t care that much that Bella also sleeps with her husband from time to time - maybe it even turns him on and strokes his ego that she doesnt get all she needs from her legitimate, pureblooded husband. How he’d react if she slept with a random bloke... probably badly; tho I cant think of a situation where that’d happen. My Bella at least, doesnt sleep around. She might tease with her sex, but she’s a well-bred lady after all, who does what is expected of her.

Voldemort, I HC, used to be a bit of a whoremonger in his youth; good looks, mummy issues and no emotional attachment are the ingredients for that particular potion. Also he might have also been overcompensating for the fact that he was unable to marry the only women he found worthy of him: his pureblooded classmates. So he’d show up with a different, gorgeous girl at parties, which drove child!Bella crazy with jealousy, since she was still out of the healthy sexual attraction part for him and never thought he’d notice her. She’d stalk him behind curtains and through keyholes, keep her ears on alert for when the adults talked about him etc. Poor thing was really tortured by it. But now that they’re adults and, well, in a relationship, she’s far too confident to think he’d seriously care for another woman; after all, half the time she’s not sure he truly cares about her, and she’s the person who’s been closest to him.

One thing I forgot to mention about Voldemort’s jealousy, or lack thereof, is that Bella has certain emotional needs that he cannot serve, and I’m not talking about tenderness, because to some degree he can give her that, and it’s not the same with her husband anyway. No, I mean that Bella is a sexual sadist, who gets direct sexual pleasure by hurting people. Voldemort on the other hand, is not a masochist. Not that when they have rough sex/BDSM sex he’s never in a sub position, but he’d never just sit there to be whipped or something, it just doesn’t turn him on, and that’s totally fine. So they may invite a girl (and very rarely a boy) to join them, so that Bella can get it out of her system if the war is slow/over. Don’t ask where these people end up, just don’t hang your coat in the second floor closet is all I’m saying. who’s most likely to walk out on the other?

Depends on the situation?

Bella would NEVER abandon Voldemort in battle or for the Cause. In a Muggle setting though, if he pissed her off she’d totally walk out of the restaurant :P

Voldemort would never walk out on Bella either, tho, would he? He’s devoted to her, plus he does feel like he owes her after Azkaban.

The only concept I can imagine relevant to this is Voldemort saying something in his anger that he doesnt exactly mean tho it holds some truth in it, that hurts Bella so deeply, that she leaves, both out of spite but also because she thinks it’s the best for him. In fact, I have a very specific HC for this which takes place in the afterlife, after they;re both killed in the battle for Hogwarts, but there’s no time for that here.

There’s also another thing, but it’d quite controversial. If you, like me, HC that Bella started training with Voldemort since she was a child, and entered a sexual and later romantic relationship with him while still underage, this means that she literally hasn’t been alone as an individual, ever. So there’s also the chance that she, after they’ve had a huge fight and he’s terrible with her, leaves so she can find who she is without him. *cue the tears*who will propose?

Voldemort did propose, on the night of Bella’s formal betrothal. Very rude and uncourteous of him, yes, but it had to be the last minute for him to realise his feelings, because he only has one (1) brain cell that works part-time on the Emotions Department of his brain. She turned him down, because she was young, immature, didnt realise how deep her own feelings were (she believed what her mother told her, that ‘all girls fall for Riddle, it’s an infatuation, it will pass’), wanted the power, fame, money and public adoration that her position as the Black Heir brought, not to mention that she was loyal to her family and terrified since Andromeda had just eloped with Ted. So she broke his heart then, even if neither realised it. But they did continue with their affair, because that’s how it happened in the olden days if you had money and space.

After the war is over, neither proposes. They talk about it as a given (Rodolphus has fucked off to study penguins in Antarctica) and only need to figure out the details: how public it will be, who’s invited, what titles the ceremony gives them and so on. who has the most difficult parents?

Spoiler alert: Voldemort’s an orphan!

Okay, so hypothetically speaking, had any of his parents survived and raised him one way or the other, they’d for sure be a handful. Tom Sr. is a posh bloke used to getting his own way and being considered special due to his status as a squire, so he’d be fucking pissed if he were introduced to a world where he’s not all the shit. Nonetheless, I’d hazard a guess that in the end he, Bella and her parents would get along well-enough; after all they’re the same sort of people.

Merope, on the other hand, is a whole other story. In the most sensible AU, where she survives giving birth and raises her son but they’re still poor and she’s got trouble with magic due to the trauma of Tom Sr. leaving her, I think she wouldn’t like Bella at all actually. Because Bella is all she ever wanted to be: beautiful, wealthy, well-bred and shows it, and, most importantly, emotionally strong. So she pesters Tom all the time about how Bella is not ‘feminine enough’ in her behaviour, too outspoken, too bitchy, not for ‘her boy’. Tom/Voldemort gives exactly one shit about her opinion and moves on.

In the canon universe, it’d be naive to say that Bella’s parents were into Tom, simply due to his blood status. In the longrun, however, I think they'd come to terms with it, and they remember how brilliant and ambitious he was in school, so when he becomes successful in life, whether in-universe as Voldemort, or Minister or whatever in an AU, they’re sort of okay with it. Idk if they hand over the Heir of Blacks title to Bella tho, their kids wouldn’t be pureblooded after all. who initiates hand-holding when they’re out in public?

No one. Not allowed. Not happening. Ever. It’s not their thing, anyway. Voldemort will offer her his arm, like a gentleman, tho. :)

who hogs the blankets?

Bella, especially after Azkaban. She sleeps with five blankets piled on top of her, has the fireplace going all year round and puts a warmth charm on the sheets. Voldemort doesn’t care. He experienced such cold temperatures in so little clothing as a child, that hot and cold make little impression on him; he even takes cold showers because it’s all the same to him. *sobs* who gets more sad?

Bella. She overthinks everything. Did she disappoint him today? Yesterday? Tomorrow? Will she ever be the person she was before prison? Why does Cissy wince every time she sees her? Should she have had children after all? These and all sorts of thoughts race through her mind all the time, torturing her to no end.

Interestingly enough, psychopaths in general dont get that sad, but Voldemort can be very... pensive. who is better at cheering the other up?

Bella has a wicked sense of humor that only Voldemort seems to find hilarious (comments from other people include ‘disturbing’, ‘scary’ and ‘morbid’), and even though he’s rarely sad, he can be very very serious and in need to relax his body and mind.

Still, Voldemort, the eternal student of human nature that he is, if he does notice that Bella is sad (which isn’t always because he’s... you know), knows exactly how to distract her, just like he can do with any other person. Just, in her case, it’s sincere. who’s the one that playfully slaps the other all the time after they make silly jokes?

No one ever hits anyone. Voldemort’s been beaten and whipped and flogged enough as a young boy that he wouldn’t do it to the only person he cares about in a non-sexy way, and Bella’s been raised to view such things as ‘Muggle animalistic violence’. She might bite him hard for fun, tho :Dwho is more streetwise?

This may come as a surprise to you because of my username, but Voldemort grew up on the streets in a Dickensian world. He knows all the tricks in the book; in fact he created many of them. Bella begged him to take her along in his travels incognito, and not on these formal things she attends with her family, and he did, so she’s learnt a lot, but she’s very much a pampered princess. who is more wise?

Hmmm... Hard to say. They have their areas of wisdom and their areas of not-having-a-fucking-clue. Bella, for example, understands emotions better than Voldemort, because she actually experiences them. Jk, jk, but you get what I mean. She’s also more knowledgeable in certain magical things, that, for example, not all prophecies have to be fulfilled and that there’s so much magic that it’s pointless to wish to acquire *everything*; had Voldemort listened to her more often, the books would have been very different.

Voldemort of course is much older and has more diverse life-experience. He’s also less impulsive in his older years than Bella; he can be the voice of rationality and reason if he’s not superobsessed with something; at which point Bella should remind him to take his meds, because they really do help with fixations. who’s the shyest?

Neither, in the strict sense of the meaning. They both know what they want and they’re not afraid to demand it. In the end, it’s Voldemort who’ll never say what he truly needs and feels, though, speaking about their everyday life together, it’d be Bella who’d rather have more affection from him but is too shy to ask. But yeah, Voldemort, not because he’s shy per se, but rather in deep hurt and denial. who boasts about the other more?

In the books it’s obvious that it’s Bella. However, Voldemort does this hilarious thing where he praises Bella in random conversation with other people without even noticing; like, he brings her up every ten seconds even if she’s barely relevant to the subject, so *shrugs* have your pick. who sits on who’s lap?

Nobody, because they’re both tall. Bella will straddle him even in a non sexual manner from time to time, and they often spend their evenings relaxing on the same sofa: Bella will put her legs on Voldemort’s lap and he strokes them absentmindedly (after all they’re superlong and soft and hot), and Voldemort, who refuses to nap in bed, might catch a nap with his head on her lap. The reason Bella doesn’t nap with her head on his lap is because he’s very thin and his femurs hurt her skull, when she’s got plenty of skirts and petticoats cushioning Voldemort. Finally, Bella often sleeps with her head on his chest, because his heart-beat, even tho abnormally slow, relaxes her panic attacks, after Azkaban that is. He will then stroke her hair compulsively - it’s a bit of a fixation of his.

Well,what a ride! Thanks again @knightessofwalpurgis for the ask, this was tremendous fun to write, especially after a very difficult month! And it did help put some of my thoughts on those evil babies in a row. Hope you found it entertaining! I get that those types of asks are usually made for monolectic answers, but yeah, explanations are better. If you made it to the end, dear reader, thank you very much for your time!

#bellamort #bellamort ask #knightessofwalpurgis #relationship meme #bellatrix lestrange #voldemort #lord voldemort #tom riddle #still can't write #but apparently i can do asks #so thats what we're doing today

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extrology · 7 years

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Get to Know Kyungsoo (D.O.)

(12 January 1993, Seoul)

Let me begin by saying that it’s extremely difficult for Kyungsoo to express himself and be understood by others. His tightest aspect is Moon Opposition Venus at (-0,01′) literally as tight as an aspect can be. And it’s just such a difficult aspect, I’ll cover it in later posts but think of it this way “Very few people know Kyungsoo, I doubt even other exo members are close enough to know and understand the real Soo not because he doesn’t want to connect to others (oh trust me, he wants to be loved sooo bad). He’s just constantly misunderstood and doesn’t know how to show his care and love“.

Actually this pancake is so interesting, layers upon layers and every single one is more different and interesting than the rest. Even after a whole week of studying his chart I doubt I have a grasp on him.

Dominants/key notices:

lacks air and fire in his table

fire void in one’s table can mean lack of assertiveness OR the person may try to overcompensate by appearing as super manly and powerful (think Luhan)

people who don’t have a lot of air placements dislike “small talk”, think it’s pointless and aren’t that big of socializers

as capricorn dominant he really respects authority, is hardworking, ambitious, likes working on details and is a great organizer

absolutely loves working on details, learning. Constantly wants to improve his mind and work

Capricorn stellium sun, mercury, uranus and neptune (ego, brains and dreams)

This combo makes a very down-to-earth person

very realistic dreams (less dream-like, more like goals)

loves working on details

ambitious, calm and hardworking cutiepie

rational, clearheaded and logical

stubborn and prefers to be in charge rather than bossed around

dislikes surprises

easily concentrates

very practical, responsible and persistent

will never simply bail on a project, will always see it through

nobody is as good at finding the right resources and making the best out of them

rather inflexible thus needs to learn how to bend and adapt as things don’t always go as he might want

his serious/formal-ish image might make him look angry, unpleasant and difficult to approach

when in reality he’s just cautious

constantly feels like everybody is judging him (as he judges others himself, he thinks others do the same)

doesn’t talk much

making friends is super difficult for him

but the ones he befriends have his unbreakable loyalty (like, this man still prefers hanging out with his childhood friends, tell me this aint loyalty)

yes he’s a great friend but still awful at texting back

i don’t really want to talk about relationships in this series, just know that Kyungsoo would be the absolute bestest husband ever. No buts. I’ll tell you guys about it one day, You’ll melt~

what a thinker he is, he just has to explore and think over all options before making a decision

slow and methodical, appreciates structure in his life

brilliant memory and a passion for learning

material success is VERY important to him

he just loves working, and when stressed he just works even harder, and becomes even more focused

this can wear him down so if you ever meet him just tell’im to relax a bit ty

he’s naturally very cautious

tends to keep his ideas, beliefs and thoughts to himself

by doing this, he puts far too much pressure, worry and stress on himself

it’s a huge struggle for Capricorn dominants to open up and be spontaneous (especially considering his Moon Opposite Venus this is just painful)

he doesn’t want to appear foolish, so chooses what to say carefully, because of this might come off stiff

if he looks confident and natural during a speech you can bet he worried himself sick over how he’d appear and practiced all night

doesn’t get influenced or swayed by others easily

but often feels the need to prove himself

will live and die by his beliefs

actually learns life lessons rather slowly because of his stubbornness

usually chooses a subject and becomes an expert in it (rather than being jack of all trades and learn everything at the same time)

really fascinated by history and traditions

thus wants to do something practical and useful so that he’d leave a mark on this world that would stand the test of time (I believe that’s one of the reasons why he got into acting)

might appear judgmental and strict as he just doesn’t have the patience to explain the obvious

dislikes air-headed people

absolutely hates people who don’t keep their word

pretty skeptical about new ideas, needs time to think them over

powerful voice and he proves he’s worth listening to

has a bad habit of getting himself into negative thoughts

but would not tell anybody until on the point of breaking down

some topics he’d love to talk about: his life goals, history, his reputation and ambitions

most likely a weeb/furry

passive aggressive little shit, but almost everybody in exo is passive aggressive so they probably understand each other well (it’s a joke guys, I’m not trying to be rude)

And now virgo moon and his emotions

what emotions? he’s a virgo moon, he has none

end of paragraph

jk jk

all virgo moons are in denial of having emotions

they don’t do feelings because those are problematic and make life more complicated as they seek perfection, order & have high expectations of themselves

feels shy and insecure about showing others how he feels as he sees it like burdening others and for him feelings = flaw

even a bigger hard worker

but often anxious

he loves being liked and to have friends (even though he doesn’t say it)

but won’t hesitate to cut off a toxic friend out of his circle

secretly thinks he’s better than everybody else~

also, doesn’t say it, but needs constant validation from others

honestly pisses others off with his love (as a virgo moon, I know what I’m talking about)

will tell you to not stay up late and go to sleep, eat healthy, put on your seat-belt, quit smoking, lecture about your unhealthy lifestyle...

for others it might sound like nagging

but he says it because he truly cares about your health and safety and it would break his heart if you got hurt

will show his love through constructive criticism (the saddest part is that people nowadays can’t take criticism)

but he doesn’t want to hurt you

he wants your relationship and you to be the best you can

almost always gets misunderstood for this showing of love and probably believes there’s something wrong with him sigh

feels like he doesn’t deserve love and sympathy

thus always needs to feel useful

finds it rather difficult to understand other’s feelings

enjoys the little things in life, may deny it, but likes running errands, meddling with details, taking care of the house (may complain, but if he’ll get appreciated, he’ll do his very best)

usually the first to volunteer to help someone

really loves routine or at least feeling that his work is necessary and meaningful

open affection most likely would make him to pull back a bit

give him time to make himself comfortable around you and he’ll show his true colors ^^

Virgo moons enjoy being busy and they’re happy as long as their life feels under control

usually put up invisible barriers to others, whether they realize it or not

they hope that others will put forth the extra effort to get to know them anyway... (haha kill me)

With cancer mars ruling his aggression, he’s rather emotional about conflicts (unlike everybody depicts him)

finds it difficult to let go of past pains, tends to hold grudges

that’s actually the main cause of conflicts - everything pilling up until it explodes into tears

would do almost anything to avoid an argument

sensitive when it comes to family, very close friends, internal anxieties and uncertain future

indifference hurts him more than anything

emotional displays would occur if he felt threatened

seeks security in everything

not very vocal about his needs and expects others to figure it out

exceptionally loyal

loves babies and would want children asap

Bonus:

his sun, moon, mercury, neptune is all strict structure, work and locked up feelings

but his love life is as soft and cute as cotton candy

he’d release all his suppressed emotions, would love his family dearly, would be constantly smiling and just so so happy. Would love talking to his wife, breakfast to bed, hugs, cuddles and just being soft together

he’s such an emotional romantic under that hard shell. Such a family man

he also understands how relationships work very well. He’s not afraid of ups and downs of marriage, divorce is VERY unlikely, he just naturally knows how to have a happy marriage

with Moon in 10th house (esp in conjunction with MC) he would find it easier to express his feelings in public than in private. In his case though (as he has a lot of harsh placements when it comes to relationship with others) thus it makes him exceptionally good at expressing feelings in movies.

And that, my dears, why he’s so good at acting. He might have struggled with expressing himself all his life but stars aren’t cruel, if they take from one aspect of life, they bless you in another ^^

[Masterlist]

#kyungsoo #d.o #soo #exo kyungsoo #exo astrology #this guy comes as close to a my bias as one can get #I'm still bias free though #I feel as I learn more and more these posts are getting longer and longer #sigh #this was the last gif I made #feelsbadman #*some #people are dicks and I dont get payed to hire a psychiatrist so mailbox closed #Some changes coming after I'm done with GTK series

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mbti-notes · 7 years

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On Perfectionism

I have received many questions that relate to or boil down to problems with perfectionism, so here are some thoughts for the archive.

Perfectionism is the tendency to desire “flawlessness” as defined by an individual’s conception of it. This implies that "perfect" is often in the eye of the beholder, though a person can of course be influenced by external or societal factors in the standards that they choose for defining/envisioning perfection. For the purposes of this article, perfectionism is assumed to be a negative characteristic. Although the word "perfect" sometimes carries a positive connotation with regard to a simple desire for "betterment" towards an "ideal" state, the aim here is to explore how this seemingly innocent desire might go very wrong or take an ugly turn into dysfunction.

What Motivates Perfectionism?

It is important to distinguish between "needs" and "wants" because many people feel as though they "need" perfection rather than simply desire it. Using the word "need" as a substitute for "want" lends the concept of desire a greater air of legitimacy, which can easily turn into an unhealthy sense of entitlement. If something is a "need", then it is implied that you must have it in order to "survive", then it is assumed that people shouldn't stand in your way whenever you want to satisfy your need, further, it would even be morally wrong for them to stop you. Imagine that you were starving and about to die but there was somebody preventing you from eating, they would certainly be considered culpable for your death. The confusion of needs and wants go some way to explaining why perfectionists tend to be obsessive and/or aggressive. They implicitly treat the desire for perfection as a "need" and thus feel justified in doing whatever it takes to achieve it.

A "need" has two possible components: 1) it is necessary for survival, and 2) beyond mere physical survival, it is necessary for flourishing or thriving in life. For example, people have a need for food, water, clothing, and shelter, which satisfies the first component. However, once those basic physical needs are achieved, there are other needs that become important, such as the needs for safety, stability, respect, validation, belonging, competency, freedom, opportunity, achievement (see Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs as an example). Generally speaking, you can identify a "need" by whether you 1) require it for living a good life, as well as 2) whether it leads to you fulfilling your personal potential in positive ways. Needs are defined as universal (true for all human beings), so it is an essential concept to understand for anyone with an interest in living a fulfilling life.

A "want" is not something that you need but something that you desire, i.e., it belongs to you, is tailored to your unique life circumstances, and is not necessarily important to everyone. It is not the purpose of this article to argue that personal desires are wrong or even morally problematic. Desires can be legitimate when satisfying them would result in living a good life and/or you fulfilling your personal potential, i.e., when they are connected to important human needs. However, many people don't understand their desires at all, specifically, they are unaware of the origin/cause of their desires and thus cannot successfully determine whether satisfying a particular desire is leading them in the right direction over the long run. Worse, people often know full well that satisfying a desire is going to produce negative consequences yet they can't help themselves, in which case the desire has become more of a compulsion.

Perfectionism is a compulsion. A compulsion is an intensely strong desire that is motivated by unconscious emotional reactivity, which includes things like: deep-seated fears, insecurities, painful memories, unresolved traumas, defense mechanisms. Generally speaking, people are not inclined to directly acknowledge and confront unconscious activity because it provokes unpleasant feelings and tends to threaten self-esteem, therefore, humans are emotionally motivated to keep unconscious activities in the unconscious. However, the more one tries to repress or suppress such activity, the "louder" it becomes, until one cannot help but be compelled by dark emotional forces.

For example, a perfectionist is often unable to handle criticism gracefully when it threatens their self-esteem. Self-esteem problems are often rooted in unconscious fears about being inadequate and/or being rejected by others for being inadequate. When the unconscious fear gets loud enough to rise into consciousness, it might compel the person to eliminate the external trigger of the fear, e.g., they might aggressively shut down the criticism/critic or make excuses to deflect the criticism. You may not be able to observe the perfectionism at first glance, but when you dig deeper into their motivations for shutting down the criticism, it is because the criticism interferes with their conception of the "perfect" self who magically "never makes mistakes".

When perfectionist behavior is motivated not by a pure desire for betterment but rather by dark and unknown unconscious activity, it becomes unhealthy, and a person is likely to manifest dysfunctional and problematic behavior that interferes with thriving and flourishing in life. Therefore, one important key to understanding perfectionism is to understand the dark emotional content which underlies it. There is rarely one neat cause when it comes to complicated human behavior; perfectionism can be learned from many possible sources and for a variety of reasons. Since perfectionism serves to address an emotional problem, people continue it even when they are aware of the negative effects, because they are not addressing the underlying emotional problem itself.

On average, Intuitives are more likely to be perfectionists than Sensors. Accepting and honoring facts and being able to adjust one's expectations in accordance with reality naturally serve to inoculate a person against developing perfectionist tendencies. This is not to say that it is impossible for Sensors to be perfectionists, it is just less likely. Intuitives are often dissatisfied with reality, refuse to accept facts that limit their imagination, and they aren't as adaptable to unexpected reality checks. Since they are heavily invested in achieving their hopes, dreams, or ideals, they are more likely to slide into perfectionist behavior in order to force reality to conform to the images that they envision. In other words, an unhealthy N function is often the culprit behind perfectionist tendencies. Since everyone has an N function, everyone is capable of perfectionism under the right circumstances. Perfectionism takes slightly different forms according to the health and development of the N function as well as its position within the functional stack.

Ni Perfectionism (NJs & SPs)

Ni wants to envision one perfect future that will come into being, and a person runs into problems when that vision is out of touch with reality. NJs are the most likely to become perfectionists and tend to suffer terribly because of the extremes that they often go to in order to achieve their ideals. SPs don't tend to be as prone to perfectionism because higher Se allows them to be more adaptable and easygoing, but perfectionism might creep in when an individual is prone to tertiary Ni loop or inferior Ni grip, or when they meet a situation that activates low Ni insecurities.

No matter the functional stack position, when one's Ni perceptions are too narrow, too rigid, too poorly defined, or too extreme and removed from reality, it is quite likely that Ni types will display self-sabotaging behavior. To use Ni appropriately: 1) one must understand the difference between perception and reality, 2) one must be willing to examine the truth of one's perceptions about the world, and 3) one must be able to step back from negative events in order to put them into a big picture or longer term perspective. Therefore, when Ni is used inappropriately: 1) one often treats their twisted perceptions as absolute truth, 2) one tends to become lost in wishing that ideal visions come true, and 3) one is easily led astray by the trivial and the negative because of lacking big picture or long term perspective.

Individuals who aren't able to use Ni maturely often suffer from hair-trigger frustration and, if they lack a healthy outlet for their negative feelings, they tend to utilize Se to dump their frustrations out into the world. For example, unhealthy Se behavior often looks like: emotional overreactions, impulsive overcompensation for negative events/setbacks, unreasonable demands and expectations, aggressive and controlling behavior, insufferably whiny and self-pitying attitude, arguing uselessly about which "facts" are true/false, selectively picking out “evidence” to support/prove problematic ideas, wasting time redoing tasks in order to perform them perfectly. Of course, such behavior is hardly conducive to flourishing and realizing one's positive potential. When Ni perceptions are too distorted/extreme or when Ni types have difficulty setting healthy ideals to guide them towards positive self-actualization, it is likely that they eventually suffer from depression or cynicism because they see nothing in the world that is worth committing themselves to.

- Immature INTJs often struggle with auxiliary Te development, which means that the methods and strategies they choose for achieving goals lack efficiency and effectiveness, thus increasing the chances of failure or disappointment. INTJ perfectionism often takes the form of aggression as they try to make the world conform to their ideals and expectations for how things "should" turn out perfectly. However, the more they try to force reality to change (rather than adapting themselves to reality), the more likely they are to create new problems, which then gradually saps their willingness to engage with the world.

- Immature INFJs often struggle with auxiliary Fe development, which means that they have difficulty fitting in and establishing emotional intimacy with others, thus suffering the loneliness and unhappiness of lacking a good social support system. INFJ perfectionism often takes the form of self-flagellation and trying to contort oneself into a false image of perfection so that one can side-step fitting in by taking solace in being whatever definition of perfection one believes is necessary for feeling self-confident. However, the more they strive to be a false image of perfection as a means to build fake self-esteem (rather than solving the root of the problem in their emotional insecurities or social anxieties), the more they lose touch with the authentic self and their own emotional needs, to the point of feeling completely lost in life and not understanding why.

- Immature ENTJs often struggle with auxiliary Ni development, which means that their ideals are often unhealthy or misguided, thus increasing the chances of feeling empty or dissatisfied even when they do manage to achieve their desired goals. ENTJ perfectionism often takes the form of tackling every challenge aggressively, such that one can efficiently reach imagined ideals of success every time. However, the more easily they rack up achievements and use them to define personal success (rather than reflecting on the larger meaning and value of those achievements), the more inflated their ego becomes and the less likely they are to admit to any existential emptiness or confusion, which makes it all too easy to continually defer questions of health and integrity.

- Immature ENFJs often struggle with auxiliary Ni development, which means that their ideals are often unhealthy or misguided, thus increasing the chances of feeling underwhelmed or unhappy even when they do manage to fulfill their aspirations. ENFJ perfectionism often takes the form of blindly pursuing ideals that they believe help increase social regard and/or social harmony. However, the more aggressively they chase the positive feelings of affirmation or harmonization (rather than reflecting on whether those social rewards are truly meaningful, universally good, and lead to spiritual fulfillment), the more likely they are to lose their authentic self because of only defining themselves through the rewards and punishments of social life.

- Immature ISTPs often struggle with auxiliary Se development, which means that their attitude and understanding of the world is severely limited and circumscribed by their preexisting system of judgment, thus making them narrow-minded and unable to learn new things well. ISTP perfectionism often takes the form of gerrymandering facts and details to match up with one’s oversimplistic and reductive beliefs about the world, obtaining self-confidence by exerting control and influence over outcomes. However, the more they must dismiss important and relevant information in order to keep their belief system intact (rather than integrating new facts and broadening their knowledge base), the more likely they are to encounter failure and contradiction, which causes them to feel a growing disillusionment with the world.

- Immature ISFPs often struggle with auxiliary Se development, which means that their attitude and understanding of life is severely limited and circumscribed by their own narrow preferences and emotional instability. ISFP perfectionism often takes the form of trying to make the world conform to one’s own personal value system in hopes of resolving underlying feelings of incongruency or dissatisfaction. However, the more stubbornly they hold on to their own beliefs, values, and opinions (rather than opening up their value system to proper critical scrutiny and correction), the more they feel compelled to run from every perceived insult or invalidation of their values, sometimes to the point of resorting to self-imposed isolation as a means to feel better about themselves.

- Immature ESTPs often struggle with auxiliary Ti development, which means that their ability to make sound judgments is easily compromised by pointless or irrelevant distractions, thus unable to formulate an accurate conception of their own strengths and weaknesses. ESTP perfectionism often takes the form of trying to "stay ahead of the pack" such that one can maintain a sense of competency and even claim superiority. However, the more they overreact to every little thing that challenges their sense of competency (rather than focusing on the challenges that would help them become a better person), the more likely they are to sow chaos and produce negative consequences that hold them back in life, sometimes to the point of paranoia and believing that the world is conspiring against them.

- Immature ESFPs often struggle with auxiliary Fi development, which means that their ability to make healthy and moral choices is easily compromised by pointless or trivial distractions. ESFP perfectionism often takes the form of using trial-and-error to pinpoint exactly which behaviors are going to efficiently achieve the most pleasure and validation. However, the more they chase after fleeting highs or superficial validation (rather than reflecting on how best to live a life of authenticity and integrity), the more likely they are to feel empty and unsatisfied as they too easily sacrifice their integrity for things that never seem to fully sate their desires, which opens the door for depressive thoughts to overtake their positive and trusting nature.

Ni perfectionism is essentially a misalignment between what one wants the world to be (Ni) and what the world is (Se). When Ni and Se are imbalanced, Ni types only see what seems to be lacking, they sense imperfections, falsehoods, gaps, voids, and they hyperfocus on those things, unable to visualize let alone actualize meaningful positive potential. The remedy to Ni perfectionism is to bring one's expectations and reality closer together. The world is under no obligation to meet your expectations, rather, if you are serious about living your life well, you must learn to adapt your expectations to the realities of the world. It is not healthy to aim too high or too far, nor is it healthy to aim too low or have no aims. An ideal is simply a concept that provides direction, and progress should be made incrementally by carrying out realistic plans and learning from setbacks, but focusing too much on the destination means that you miss out on the fun of getting there or you miss out on other more interesting paths. Remember that the rigid way you define “perfection” does not reflect the truth of the world and how it should be. When you stubbornly hold on to problematic ideas and ideals despite the negative effects and consequences, how can you ever learn, feel, experience, and appreciate ALL that life has to offer? The meaning of life is a subjective construction, a mere concept, so it can be changed at any time should you will it, but you can't do that when you want to believe in comfortable falsehoods and close your mind off to other valid interpretations.

Ne Perfectionism (NPs & SJs)

Ne wants to remain open to new possibilities in hopes that pursuing them can keep life interesting or progressing, and a person runs into problems when they have trouble envisioning and pursuing the right possibilities. NPs are similar to NJs in that they can exhibit perfectionism when they become fixated on only one particular possibility that they are heavily invested in bringing to life, though they tend to take setbacks/challenges in greater stride than NJs because of being able to access a greater number and variety of potential possibilities. SJs don't tend to be as prone to perfectionism because higher Si allows them to be more easily content with reality as it is, but perfectionism can develop when an individual is prone to tertiary Ne loop or inferior Ne grip, or when they meet a situation that activates low Ne insecurities.

No matter the functional stack position, when Ne envisions possibilities that are too limited by poor imagination, too detached from logistical reality, or too unreasonable in expectations, it is quite likely that Ne types will display irrational behavior. To use Ne appropriately: 1) one must understand the relationship between hope and success, 2) one must be willing to temper/adjust one's hopes to accommodate important facts and details, and 3) one must be able to envision positive possibilities even in the face of negative setbacks. Therefore, when Ne is used inappropriately: 1) one frequently encounters disappointment because their hopes and dreams are easily dashed, 2) one tends to become too idealistic or uses fantasy for escape, and 3) one feels easily destroyed by every little setback/mistake because of being unable to muster a positive and resourceful attitude.

Individuals who aren't able to use Ne maturely often suffer from fear of disappointment and, if they lack a stabilizing force in life, they tend to utilize Si as a means to express their irrational anxieties about loss or regret. For example, unhealthy Si behavior often looks like: pedantic nitpicking, obsessing over small insignificant details that don't match preexisting expectations, compulsive comparisons that serve no useful purpose, circular ruminating on past missteps, incessant complaining about how the present/future can never live up to a mythologized past, pessimistic projections of past mistakes into future failure, making lame excuses to shut down new ideas and possibilities (and stay within comfort zones), preemptive self-handicapping or lowering expectations in an attempt to avoid/blunt future disappointment, anxious micromanaging behavior that tries to catch up with constantly fuzzy/moving goal posts. Of course, such behavior is hardly conducive to flourishing and realizing positive possibilities. When Ne visions are unrealistic or when Ne types have difficulty accessing feasible and inspiring possibilities, it is likely that they eventually suffer from depression or resignation because they see no opportunity for real progress.

- Immature INTPs often struggle with auxiliary Ne development, which means that their outlook and understanding of the world is severely limited and circumscribed by their preexisting system of judgment, thus making them unable to achieve substantial intellectual growth. INTP perfectionism often takes the form of trying to twist and turn facts to fit their closed system of logic, struggling until they feel as though their knowledge has reached an "ideal" state of "making sense". However, the more stubborn and narrow-minded they are (rather than entertaining new ideas or incorporating alternative possibilities), the more pessimistic they become as their knowledge of the world becomes less and less accurate and reliable, which creates a growing fear of engaging with a world that seems intent on exposing one’s every flaw.

- Immature INFPs often struggle with auxiliary Ne development, which means that their outlook and understanding of life is severely limited and circumscribed by their narrow preferences and emotional instability. INFP perfectionism often takes the form of wishful thinking which imagines it is possible to remake the world into an ideal image that eases one’s feelings of incongruency or dissatisfaction. However, the more fixated they become in believing that the self can only be expressed in one perfect and "acceptable" way (rather than opening up the mind to other new and interesting paths for potential growth), the more they feel compelled to retreat into the comforts of fantasy each time the world makes them feel small or invalidated, eventually unable to escape from the small comfort zones they have drawn for themselves.

- Immature ENTPs often struggle with auxiliary Ti development, which means that their ability to make sound judgments is easily compromised by useless or irrelevant distractions, thus unable to formulate an accurate conception of their own strengths and weaknesses. ENTP perfectionism often takes the form of trying to prove oneself "innovative" through exploring various new ideas and possibilities. However, the more they indulge random ideas only for the sake of getting attention as a "nonconformist" thinker (rather than accepting well-established ideas that are proven to produce tangible progress), the more they reveal themselves as fraudulent and empty, sometimes to the point of feeling irrationally persecuted or chronically unappreciated by the world.

- Immature ENFPs often struggle with auxiliary Fi development, which means that their ability to choose the right path in life is easily compromised by useless or trivial distractions. ENFP perfectionism often takes the form of trying to live up to an image of oneself as "special" or “unique” by exploring various ideas and possibilities to use as personal identifiers. However, the more they rely on ideas with no tangible worth to define and express the self for the sake of obtaining validation (rather than accepting the path of humble self-development through hard work and commitment to sound values), the more they reveal themselves as rather superficial and even predictable in their “countertrend” tastes, which only serves to exacerbate the low self-esteem that triggers their hunger for validation.

- Immature ISTJs often struggle with auxiliary Te development, which means that the rules and methods they follow for achieving goals lack efficiency and effectiveness, thus increasing the chances of failure or disappointment. ISTJ perfectionism often takes the form of micromanaging details and plans in hopes of making them conform with preexisting expectations for how things "should" be. However, the more they try to prevent situations from moving too far outside their comfort zones (rather than being more amenable to change and novelty), the more likely they are to encounter situations that threaten their competency, and the growing fear of getting in over their heads tends to produce extreme risk-aversion that cuts off new paths to growth and fulfillment.

- Immature ISFJs often struggle with auxiliary Fe development, which means that they have difficulty adapting fluidly to social norms and establishing emotional intimacy with others, thus suffering the loneliness and unhappiness of lacking a good social support system. ISFJ perfectionism often takes the form of unnecessary nitpicking or criticizing in an effort to keep situations aligned with one’s emotional comfort zones. However, the more strict and inflexible they are in defining their boundaries of emotional comfort (rather than learning to accept vulnerability and embrace new experiences), the more likely they are to encounter threatening situations, and the growing fear of facing potential discomfort tends to produce extreme risk-aversion that cuts off new paths to love and fulfillment.

- Immature ESTJs often struggle with auxiliary Si development, which means that they have difficulty accepting their own weaknesses and limitations, thus increasing the chances of overextending in unhealthy or harmful ways. ESTJ perfectionism often takes the form of high expectations for everyone and everything to be competent and efficient. However, the more aggressively or anxiously they try to their enforce their rules and standards (rather than reflecting on whether those standards are reasonable, realistic, necessary, or truly a good fit for the person/situation), the more likely they are to cause harm or create new problems that inadvertently reveal how unfit and incompetent they are, which serves to exacerbate their micromanaging behavior in a vicious cycle.

- Immature ESFJs often struggle with auxiliary Si development, which means that they have difficulty handling their own uncomfortable emotions and establishing proper emotional boundaries, thus increasing the chances of sacrificing their well-being for little gain. ESFJ perfectionism often takes the form of managing observable behavior to be more socially “proper” and acceptable (both their own and others’). However, the more aggressively or anxiously they push themselves/others to conform with strict moral beliefs or social values (rather than reflecting on whether those beliefs/values require some adjustment or critique), the more likely they are to create relationship discord/conflicts that further trigger their fears and insecurities, thus making it harder for them to be the socially proper and acceptable person that they hope to be.

Ne perfectionism is essentially a constant tension between aspiration (Ne) and contentment (Si). When Ne and Si are imbalanced, Ne types only visualize the supposed best or the supposed worst case scenarios, unable to find any healthy middle ground, or unable to establish rational consistency in how they approach learning and planning in life. The remedy to Ne perfectionism is to recognize that there is always room for improvement BUT without losing sight of all the good things that you already have. It is not healthy to always be chasing greener pastures, nor is it healthy to always let fear stop you from branching out into greener pastures. Hopes and dreams are there to guide and motivate you, but you will turn them into sadness and disappointment when you focus too much on the destination rather than appreciating how you grow and mature along the way. Remember that progress in life should be gradual and incremental as you learn from each step as well as each misstep. When you expect to make progress too quickly, you'll be easily duped by “shortcuts” that backfire on you; when you don't expect that progress is even possible for you, you'll resign yourself to bad/undesirable circumstances for no good reason. At any point in time, you can choose to make a decision that changes your life direction and you ought to try to be a better version of yourself, but you won't be able to choose the right path if you believe that the past defines who you are or if you are unwilling/incapable of looking forward to positive future possibilities.

As mentioned in the introduction, perfectionism is an expression of unconscious emotional reactivity. Lack of awareness of unconscious activity makes it likely that a person confuses their needs and wants, i.e., they treat their perfectionist desires as “needs” and then become irrationally driven to satisfy them.

When you feel compelled to “perfect” something, ask yourself honestly:

is it a need or want?

is my behavior harming myself or someone else?

are my “standards” or “expectations” reasonable and appropriate?

where do my “standards” or “expectations” come from?

what do I fear might happen if I were to “let things be”?

can I confront and articulate the fear itself rather than acting out?

can I envision, as objectively as possible, both the pros and the cons of “letting things be” (rather than just assuming the worst)?

can I put negative events into a big picture perspective?

The first step in addressing perfectionism is to develop better emotional intelligence so that you can be more aware of your perfectionist behavior and its emotional origins. Hopefully, the short descriptions for each type above help to illuminate how poorly developed functions can create unconscious fears that compel perfectionist behavior. Consult the sections about Emotional Well-Being and Type Development on my blog for more advice.

last modified: March 25th, 2019

#perfectionism #defense mechanisms #emotional intelligence #development #controlling #anxiety #pessimism #need vs want #ask

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livingwithashipname-blog · 7 years

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Ermanda’s Inner Sanctum: Scorpion 4.09 “It’s Raining Men (of War)”

Happy Thanksgiving to my US peeps! Yet, let us not forget the Natives who view this holiday very differently! Anyways, this episode was awesome! We learned about a pivotal moment that shaped Cabe’s life. Robert Patrick and Eddie Kaye Thomas’ acting was superb! I have enjoyed Cabe and Toby’s time together in this arc. I also liked the mission because it talked about NOAA (National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration), garbage patches in the oceans, and techniques implemented to remove them. It tied well with Scorpion’s plight to book jobs where their inventions and solutions can be used long-term and fix their financial deficit. I applaud the art department for the look of the trash mound and the VFX team for the aerial view of it in proximity to the team’s rented boat! 👏🏾👏🏾 I have some interesting topics for this review, so let’s get started!

Learning More about Florence Tipton

The writers are making a very quaint distinction with Florence Tipton. She is a chemist, but she is not a genius. She can relate, but she is not exactly like the members of Team Scorpion. However, her personality is very similar to Mr. 197, which is why Toby makes that pot & kettle pun in response to Walter’s description of her. During the mission, we learn what motivates her independent work. She’s trying to redeem herself from failure and rejection. She is so eager to prove herself once again that she doesn’t take kindly to distractions of any kind. It is also why she presents her binding agent to the team when it hasn’t been properly vetted for practical efficiency. It is commonly said that pride comes before a fall and Florence falls HARD when she projects onto Paige. But Paige, acting as the skilled communicator she is, finds a way to get through to Florence in the same way she does for her geniuses! She has exposed an emotional opening that I think will become significant in upcoming episodes!

Papa Cabe

“I’ve realized recently that I’ve been messing a bit with my memories… been rewriting them over the years. I’m not gonna do that anymore. It’s okay ‘cause I got a great girl and I’ve got great friends. No matter what the future holds for me, I want to remember this moment right now exactly as it is. ‘Cause to have you all in my life… I am truly thankful.”

Cabe’s speech is so touching because of the truth it possesses and what it represents! This process has been hard for Cabe because he feels like he is failing himself and Scorpion in the same way he feels he failed his father. He completely constructs a new memory in order to cover his shame over his father’s death. It explains a lot more about why he is who he is. This is why it’s no surprise he fears old age as we saw in 3.17 Dirty Seeds, Done Dirt Cheap. His whole life is his way of subconsciously overcompensating for his perceived lack of bravery and a means to honor his father’s legacy as a lawman. The idea that his humanity while on the job could land him in prison and strip this identity is really hard for him to fathom. He is convinced that a hardened exterior keeps him objective for the purposes of his job. The most important thing he needs is support from his loved ones. The support he receives from his children and Allie give him the strength he needs to endure this legal battle. I truly appreciate this reality expressed on screen in this manner!

Walter’s Legacy: The Influence of Ralph, Happy Quinn, and Baby Quintis

Walter may not have considered fatherhood in the past, but he has always taken great pride in the development of young minds and making his mark for the next generation of geniuses. We see this when he meets Ralph for the first time in the pilot and recognizes his genius. This reality becomes more apparent in his interactions with Ralph throughout season 1. He acts as a father figure and mentor to Ralph, sometimes overstepping his boundaries out of passion over Ralph’s potential (1.21 Cliffhanger).

Walter: Do you see what you're sacrificing by leaving, by taking Ralph away from us? Paige: I have to think of his safety. W: Earlier today, you invoked the greater good so that I would team up with Cabe. But do you just throw that term around? P: My son nearly died because he wants to be you. W: Is it so awful being me? Being around me? P: I just don't want him to become you! W: What is your solution? Keep him in a cocoon? Have him watch you move to Maine to follow some guy who's already abandoned you? That's idiotic! P: That guy is his father, Walter. You are not. I... I have to go. Good-bye, guys.

He encourages Ralph’s academic pursuits and respects his intelligence, reminding him to never diminish himself for the sake of others (2.22 Hard Knox).

Walter: I couldn't understand the details in your incredibly complex code. I used to think that I-I had the fourth highest IQ in the world, but now I realized that you have dropped me down to number five. Ralph: That's what got you upset? W: (laughing) No. No, what upset me is that you were willing to slow down for me to-to let me go down the wrong road, when that would've hindered you, because I couldn't grasp your work. Never hobble your intelligence for anyone... because if you do that in this garage, imagine what you'll have to do out there... for humans. The world needs to catch up to you... because if-if it can, just a little, imagine what a... a beautiful place it could be.

However, Ralph is not the only person in this series used as a means to future possibilities. Happy Quinn's individual growth and her relationship with Toby repeatedly serve as examples of life goals Walter can achieve. Happy Quinn is his closest friend. He trusts and admires her and has a lot of respect for her intelligence and abilities (3.05 Plight at the Museum). Plus, they are alike in many ways.

Walter: I know Toby believes that I only think about myself, but I will do what is necessary to protect your family. Even if that means that I have to go back home to Ireland. Happy: You are home. We're not losing you, and we're not breaking up Scorpion. We'll do whatever it takes. You talk nonsense like that again, I'll punch you in the neck. W: Toby's a fortunate guy. You know, I know ours isn't a real marriage, but since the day I met you, you've been a faithful friend, you've come through for me when I needed it, you've helped me build Scorpion from nothing. That's loyalty, selflessness, collaboration. If those are the traits that one looks for in a spouse, then you've been a... You've been a great wife. Thank you.

At first, he rejected the notion of romantic love. He had a no-fraternization rule for his employees because he thought romance would make his employees less efficient and possibly as a means to conceal his own fraudulent green card marriage to Happy. Now he believes he is capable and worthy of love and seeks to understand it in his own way. He roots for Melvester, Quintis, Callie, and Ralph x Patty! He never thought he would have children because he didn’t think he would be a great father. But Happy’s evolution, Quintis’ parenthood quest, and his own familial bond with Paige and Ralph are slowly convincing him that he can succeed in these pursuits as well.

W: But you and Toby… I hired you. You would’t know each other if it wasn’t for me. So if you had a child, if would just be something I take a lot of pride in. H: Fine, you’ve touched my heart. Walter is on the list. Just don’t tell Toby.

I think it is by design that Toby (seasons 1 & 2), Happy (season 2), and Ralph (season 3) are the three people so far who have encountered Walter just before he makes MAJOR moves in his personal life. He may be egotistical, but he strongly desires to leave a mark on the next generation in the hopes that the hub he created for his team will continue to flourish in his absence. This is why he is so eager to be an important figure in Baby Quintis’ life. He brought Toby and Happy together by hiring them, which planted the seed. He wants a little credit, which is not surprising for a man who focuses on research, not athletics. 😂 If not by name, then maybe he could be a godparent. Yet, I have a feeling choosing godparents will turn into a competition like the one for Quintis’ Best Man & Maid of Honor! We all know how that turned out! #dejavu 😉😂😂😂😂😂

It’s Official! Toby & Amy Reunite! 😱

I don’t usually address spoilers in my reviews, but this one is EPIC! As you’ve likely heard by now, Toby’s ex-fiancee, Amy Berkstead, wife of his nemesis, Quincy, will be introduced on screen in episode 4.13 Apocalypse Nerd, which premieres after winter break (premiere date unknown right now)! The actress, Shantel VanSanten, is slated to recur this season. Given the current arcs, her occupation as a geneticist doesn’t seem like a coincidence! This news is very exciting because we are finally meeting a character who has been mentioned in the series and has a history with a member of the team. It’s logical to assume that she knows Toby in ways Happy and the others do not. Although it might not always seems as such, Toby hasn’t talked extensively about his past, except for the few quips here and there about his parents and gambling experiences. (Here’s looking at you, writers! 👀) Therefore, this development opens possibility to get more Toby backstory the fandom has craved for a while through Amy. The Baby Quintis storyline also gets interesting in the wake of this news. If Happy isn’t pregnant before Amy’s arrival, then the events of this episode in relation to this arc will provide more clues to the eventual direction of Baby Quintis’ introduction to the series (biology or foster; end of S4 or during S5). Is it possible that Toby, Happy, or both of them reach out to Amy for fertility and conception guidance? As a geneticist, she can provide a unique perspective on fertility even if that is not her specific scope of practice. All I know is things just became interesting!!! So excited!

Drabbles…

Toby smells a fish! He knows there’s more to Cabe’s story! Time for experimentation!

I love that Paige and Happy went grocery shopping together and discussed baby things! This is what I want for my ladies at this point in the series! 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾

Really Walter? Walina? The looks from Happy and Paige… 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂💀💀💀

I know the fandom has really advocated for a girl named Grace after Happy’s mother given all the promptings surrounding that theory for Baby Quintis. But what significant names would you choose if Baby Quintis is a boy? My first thought is Marcus after the middle name Toby wished he had instead of Meriwether. 👶🍼

Chair of Blades… have I heard this before?! 😉😉😂😂😂

A fish-based protein shake inspired by Walter’s brain food regimen? Sounds like 2.23 Chernobyl Intentions all over again! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Wardrobe mention: What is up with Paige and these blue blouses?! Still wondering if this connects to something significant. It’s a nice color on her! This is why I keep throwing blue hearts on all my Waige mentions. 💙💙💙 Hehehehe!

Ralph was trying to prevent a problem and only created a bigger one! Oh pobrecito! Florence wasn’t having it! Insert Mama Paige!

Walter comes to Paige’s defense on her parenting skills! 😍💙🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾

Florence and Walter are having an ego-filled IQ scuffle! Something about this exchange feels like deja vu. Maybe Toby has something to say… W (to Paige about Florence): She’s arrogant… and condescending. T: Hi pot! I see you’ve met kettle. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂💀💀💀 #likeforeal

The formula on the board is nice, but I am shocked at how neat it is on that board. Who wrote it down? It had to be Paige! 😂😂😂

Happy with the launch gun… 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

S: I’m having a little bit of trouble dropping the anchor. H: Have you tried a high fiber diet? W: That kind of humor is Toby’s influence. (Happy smiles) S: Guys, seriously, I’m jammed up! H: I’ll let that one lie. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂💀💀 Happy Quinn, wife of Toby Curtis, everyone! This is the content for which I live! More Quintis playing with their little brother, Sly!

H: Since when does Toby force my hand on anything? W: He got you to marry him. H: Touché. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂💀💀💀💀

W: I’m just saying that history has had its share of exemplary Walters. F: Milwaukee North Side Strangler, Walter Ellis; Sir Walter Raleigh, founder of the doomed colony of Roanoke; and, of course, Walter Mondale. W: What wrong with Mondale? F: He lost 49 out of 50 states. (looks to Happy) So if you want your kid to grow up to be a loser, that’s your choice. W: Just spread your worms. F: Heh, my buckets are empty. H (smirking): Yeah, me too. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂💀💀💀 Anyone else think that “spread your worms” sounds like a funny innuendo? 😉😂😂😂

Sly and the harpoon gun… 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

W: I focus my time on research, not athletics. F: (looks Walter up and down) Yes. 😂😂😂😂😂😂 Looks like Florence’s focus on Tae Bo is helping her out today, Walter, while you’re stuck to figure things out on a quickly disintegrating island of trash! 👀😂😂😂

I was thinking about what Toby would’ve said if he was there or listening via comms the whole time Happy climbed across that rope. You know he would say SOMETHING about the possibility of Happy being a goner if she entered that water with the jellyfishes!

S: We have extra plastic balls from when we launched the binding agent. We can fill them with my protein shake. H: Paige, I will talk you through modifying the launcher so it can properly toss Sly’s lunch. F: Really? Could you people be any less mature? P: …we could be infinitely less mature. Happy could’ve easily said it was time to launch Sly’s balls, but she didn’t. S (to Florence): Hmph! Me: Tell her Paige!!! 👊🏾👏🏾👏🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

It’s so funny how Walter automatically listens to Happy just like Toby does with her. And yet, he doesn’t know how Toby does it. Um, hello pot! Meet kettle! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂💀💀

PAIGE LAID THE SMACKDOWN ON FLORENCE!!! FLO TRIED IT, BUT PAIGE SAID, “NOT TODAY, SWEETIE!” Paige is great at her job! She’s working well with Florence.

Anyone else see that smile from Florence when Paige accepted her apology? I think we have found an emotional point of entry! 😉

Florence might have failed with her binding agent, but she came through with the sealant!

Well, well, well, 👀 who decides to save Florence and acknowledges her future scientific contributions are a part of the greater good! We see you, Walter! Someone has developed a sense of respect in the midst of a small moment of redemption. 😱👀😉😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

How many zippos has Happy surrendered at this point in the series?! 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

W: Oh Happy, if I ignite, will you tell Baby Walina I was a hero? H: That’s never gonna happen. W: What? Me igniting or you naming the baby after me? H: Don’t make me choose. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂💀💀

Jadyn Wong is so flippin’ gorgeous!!! That shot of her taking off that apron with her hair tossed to the side… 😍😍😍😍 I’ve got a girl crush!

Y’all… neither Toby and Happy really cook for themselves. So what are they gonna do when they have kids?! That will change real quick when the food bills for that kid start racking up! 👀😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

It’s so funny how the team has decided to say “Flo” instead of “Florence” and Florence keeps correcting them each time! 😂😂😂😂😂😂

T: Cabe, you did not fail your father. And you’re not failing us. You’ve taken care of us for a long time. Now it’s time to let us take care of you. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 I sense this will come back again later down the road… 🤔😉

I get really giddy when I see Allie with Cabe! CALLIE!!!!!!! *insert fangirl scream* ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

#ermanda's inner sanctum #cbs scorpion #s04e09 #it's raining men (of war)#cabe gallo #walter o'brien #florence tipton #scorpion cbs #team scorpion #episode review #livingwithashipname

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silver-spider-art · 7 years

Text

Borderlands Head Canons

Okay so I have horrible depression writer's block rn and have been replaying all the borderlands games while also daydreaming all the stories I want to tell with these characters. So I’m just going to write out my head canons for shits and giggles cuz I have a lot of thoughts.

Handsome Jack:

Jack is such a wild card. He’s an overgrown toddler and an impatient genius. Also sexy as hell and a problematic fave. I spend so much time playing the game sassing and back talking him (like he can fucking hear me) but I still adore him. And relistening to some of the dialog lines I’ve built up a variety of head canon and AU ideas for him.

So canon vs fanon is a little squishy in my head but Moxxi claims his face is plastic surgery and I’m taking that to be more than the mask. He’s definitely ADHD and neurodivergent. Plus a good helping of PTSD and paranoia thanks to Grandma and trauma from his ex-wives. Those are all his starting points but he breaks into 3 categories based on Angel. Bad Dad, Okay Dad, and Good Dad.

Bad Dad is canon and tips the point of no return for Jack’s mental instability when Angel brutally (but accidentally) murders his wife/her mom. Afraid of his own daughter and horribly betrayed and without “the one good force” in his life, he starts down the path of ultimate Sheakspearian self-destruction. All relationships end tragically and he’s his own greatest enemy. As far as the wife goes, I’m 100% that she is on a pedestal in his head and while he can think no ill of her, the relationship wasn’t all roses.

Okay Dad, in AUs this would be where however his wife died or was lost it didn’t result in his fearing Angel (I normally leave this idea for modern!AUs without Siren powers). He is still overprotective and “doing it for your own good” but without the torture or horrific manipulation. Because of this, while Angel might still resent or hate him, he still has something to live for and is capable of somewhat decent relationships. Still, he rather sucks at it and more often than not is self-destructive. (my fave for writing and reading)

Good Dad, this is a strange and mysterious creature that is nearly unheard of. So often this feels so out of place. So much would have to change to create a catalyst in his life for him to turn out healthy. I mostly see this as a redemption arch thing. Where he might be able to turn it around and make amends given the right people around him.

The other thing I’ve been growing ever found of is trans!jack. He wears a ridiculous number of layers of clothing which is definitely hiding his soft gut, but I’m very fond of the idea that much of his bragging and defensiveness is overcompensation for his fear and trauma both from childhood abuse and gender. There is quite a bit in game dialog on the Jack vs John thing. For the trans!jack I’m actually loving the idea that when he came out and remade his life, he chose John and was hired in at Hyperion with them only knowing him as John. But as he got more comfortable with his new life (and Tassiter made him start hating his new name) he wanted to reclaim his birth name. That he’s always gone by the nickname Jack (born Jacqueline) and was now confident enough in presenting male (and helped by Nisha) that he would even let friends call him Jackie without feeling less masculine. (super self-indulgent reasonings for this)

Other random head canons, Jack is polysexual and pansexual. He prefers women romantically but usually has longer last relationships with men yet rarely thinks of them in the same light. He’s mostly into women powerful enough to crush him and while he is aggressive and into being on top, he’d make a shit dom. He’s impatient and easily losses himself to pleasure. He is, however, a very good sub but it takes a huge amount of trust for him to allow that. (this is also why he is so angry at his attraction to Rhys. Rhys is a soft nerd who can’t even fire a gun, the exact opposite of Jack’s type and he falls for him anyway.) Jack’s vanity knows no bound and he spends way too much time of his look every morning to look perfectly disheveled and like he doesn’t care. Also extremely attached to his favorite things with huge possessiveness (partially caused by aforementioned childhood trauma). Jack actually likes cats but hates being around then cuz old childhood pain. Jack is also complete and utter crap at taking about his feelings or opening up to people.

Timothy Lawrence:

So for dear Tim, my beloved favorite, I have 2 main categories, canon doppelganger or au brother.

Doppelganger: needing money he took a job as Jack’s body double and had plastic surgery to look like Jack. Depending on Jack (Bad/Okay/Good) his relationship turns out drastically different.

Bad ending poor Tim gets branded and has to fell his possessive and deranged boss and spends his life masked on Pandora as a mercenary. Always hiding his face for fear of those who want revenge on the man whose face he wears.

Okay fate, he and Jack are lovers. They fight a lot and Tim’s most often catchphrase is “damn it, Jack” but in the end, Jack is his asshole. Their relationship is polyamorous and stable. But Tim is often in the shadows and overlooked, partially by choice.

Good end? This is so rare I have no idea.

Twin/Brother: having grown up together they get Jack’s asshole and abusing Grandmother and Tim’s “laughs at your death” mother. Having one family member and someone he can always fall back on to help him and someone to be a hero for, Jack never goes full Bad ending. Despite all their fighting and issues, they balance each other out. Always falls in the Okay category of Jack’s relationship to Angel.

But I’ve been working out the redemption arch to lead to a Good Dad ending. Jack actually being self-sacrificing for once and giving up something he wants for his brother's happiness. One idea is that both he and Tim are both pursuing Rhys but after some inciting incidents, Jack comes to realize that his family and friends are happier with Rhys in their lives and Jack knows that he’ll just ruin it like he’d started to do. I can see this beautiful scene of Jack seeing Tim and Rhys talk at a party and seeing Angel come up to join them. His heart aches because he wants that to be himself in Tim’s place but knows it would never happen. That in the end, he’s poison. So he chooses to give up. To let that peaceful scene be reality. That he can accept his claim on Rhys just being as family and not as lover. And that moment of clarity and change of focus helps get him on the path to repairing his relationship with Angel and his brother. Never a smooth ride and he fails a lot, but it does get better.

But back to Tim.

Tim/Rhys is life. I love these two together like nothing else. Jack/Tim and Jack/Rhys is always unstable and huge potential for unhealthy. But Tim/Rhys is heaven and precious and good.

Tim loves cats and sweaters. He wants to write an epic fantasy story but has no faith in his abilities. He’s anxious and terrified of heights but he will be it anyway even while white with fear. He has a huge cybernetic kink he doesn’t want to admit to. Tim dated Wilhelm until the end and still deeply cares for the huge quiet man. While Tim dislikes blood and guts, he found he was actually really good and fighting. After he started the body double gig he got swoll and has stayed in shape since (his own vanity showing). He’s covered in freckles and tans dark in the sun. His voice can be very awkward and scratchy but confidence and vocal training helps that in the non-canon or modern!au settings. Tim is a much better fighter than Jack and can handle any weapon thrown into his hands (I mean just look at his skill tree in game) but he always holds himself back outside of combat and thinks of himself as weak. Despite his skill, he lacks confidence and in the bad endings always believes Jack is actually stronger than him.

Rhys:

My boy. Rhys is trans and autistic. He works very hard to make sure it doesn’t show. He volunteered to get the eye and experimental echo port in order to help compensate for his mental limitations and further enhance his positive skills. His cybernetic arm was also technically voluntary and for badass points he always claims so, but he wasn’t giving up a “perfectly good arm” but a barely functioning arm that always caused him chronic pain due to a poorly healed childhood injury. He stared in Data Mining and while he refused to act in violence to advance, Rhys has very gray morals and had done plenty of shady things to advance in Hyperion. He never had a problem with killing in the vague sense, just not wanting to get his hands dirty directly. This does change slowly, but he still hates guns. They are just very hard for him. When he must fight, melee is the way he goes. Rhys got his chest tattoos after his top surgery to disguise the scars. like his flashy cybernetics, his main goals are “if I have to stand out I want them looking at me because I’m too pretty to look away from”. He tries to fake it till he makes it with confidence even when he has no idea what’s happening.

He always looks everything up on the EchoNet and panics when his connection to it is cut off. It’s his safety net/blanket in many ways. The more the situation is out of control and not following his plan, the more his anxieties act up and leave him vulnerable. This is how Jack easily manipulates him when everything is going to hell. He needs more time to think through things then the chaos of Pandora allowed. Once he’s used to the wasteland and it’s people, this is less of an issue. (Hyperion Rhys vs Atlas Rhys)

His special interests are colorful socks, Handsome Jack (he regrets that deeply after meeting the man), and his new interest is A.I.s. Though Rhys is very into his cybernetics and has moded them some, he can’t build them. His skills are haking, programming, and coding. His old goals where to get a job in digital security or programming once he could get out of data mining. Now as Atlas CEO his pet project has been building and refining A.I.

Random: Rhys is bisexual and leans a bit poly. He is sex positive but doesn’t have to have it in a relationship. He will follow along with most all his partner's kinks as it’s most important for him that they are having fun together. Soft fluff and cuddles are what he lives for though. (everything about this is super self-indulgent)

Angel:

Angel is autistic. It puts her in an especially dangerous/vulnerable position with her powers and Bad Dad Jack doesn’t know what to do with her without his wife to help. He loves his baby girl dearly, but he’s lost and doesn’t know how to help her. In the end, he uses her to fuel his own obsessions and the veneer of childhood is stripped from her eyes as resentment sets in. She lost her father long ago and now only wants release. Like Tim, she could have tried to kill him herself, but while she can and does betray him, he’s still her father in the end.

Okay Dad Jack, (mostly modern!aus) struggles with how to raise Angel but genuinely tries his best. His second marriage was entirely to have a mom for her, knowing he was a shit parent. That wasn’t a good marriage and Angel still didn’t get a mom out of it. Angel goes up angry and resentful of her dad and often refuses to call him anything but Jack. She’s angry that he still treats her like a child. She can’t live on her own and needs assistance in common tasks due to her limitations, but can’t stand being treated childishly like his always buying her unicorn themed things and his insistence on not swearing. She struggles to understand that Jack needs these things for himself too and they both just suck at communicating to each other. They circle around each other, in a strange dance, more like roommates than family. Angel works for Jack as his security expert and hacker/spy. She was instrumental in him taking over Hyperion.

Good Dad... like beforementioned, this is hardly a thing. The good times are mostly in her early youth.

Angel is a lesbian and in okay or good settings falls for Gaige. Jack is very not okay with his daughter dating an openly Anarchist Anti-Cooperate Terrorist who has built death machines. They met online and spend nearly every night having hour long conversations. Gaige makes her feel more normal and nonbroken than anything else in her life ever has.

Random:

Tiny Tina is trans. I read this in a fic and it’s just canon now.

Zer0 is a nonbinary cyborg. They have had most of their body replaced and generally don’t want to be human, so they took matters into hand to make that happen. They feel kinship for Rhys because of this and are growing fond of the awkward man and proud of his bravery foolishness for going into battle despite having no skill. Zer0 and Tim fight well side by side but they do NOT get along outside of combat.

Nisha is aromantic and pansexual and only doms. Her whip very much is used in the bedroom. She and Jack are always off again on again.

Maya is aro/ace and a total badass.

Sasha and Rhys date for a while but end it mutually finding they fit better as friends than lovers.

Gaige helps Rhys make his new cybernetics and he has to argue with her to not install more than one weapon in the new arm or lasers in his eye.

Wilhelm was always going to die of Bone Waste and the surgeries and cybernetics were just delaying the inevitable. Jack set him up to die, but it was willingly on Wil’s part because he didn’t want to die in a hospital but in a huge and epic fight that would be the stuff of legends.

Vaughn is aromantic and sex nonpulsed and he and Rhys are platonic bros for life. Rhys is 100% okay with this and anyone else in his life has to accept his deep love for his bro.

(I’m sure I’m forgetting a lot, but this is long enough for now, oops)

#borderlands #tales from the borderlands #borderlands head canon #handsome jack #timothy lawrence #rhys the company man #random ramblings #My writing #long post

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crazy-grrrl-on-the-computer · 7 years

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Some ways I relate to the Beppu twins and believe they deserve their chance at redemption

Disclaimer: This is a bit of analysis based on what we know and how I've interpreted these characters. In no way is it meant to be a persuasive piece - just some personal reflection - but anyone is welcome to read and/or reblog if they want to. I will do a proper multi-part in-depth analysis on these characters later, but for now this is just some personal ramblings because I needed to put my thoughts into words.

Also, I was debating whether or not to include screenshots with this to help demonstrate certain points, but I decided against it, since this is more of a personal thing that I felt like sharing (and I plan to elaborate more properly in a less personal way later anyway). Otherwise, this is still kind of long, so it's going below a cut to save everyone the trouble of reading it if they're not interested.

Warning: Some light mentions of abuse, though not very detailed. I tiptoed around it because I didn’t feel like sharing the specifics where it wasn’t needed.

~.~

1) Aki and Haru were forced to grow up too fast - be independent, be idols, toughen up, protect themselves/each other - and as a result they got the idea in their heads that they were mature and somehow better than everyone else despite having a stunted growth in maturity.

They're still largely acting like young kids, making faces at people they don't like and calling people silly names as insults all while holding themselves higher than everyone around them. They seated themselves on a pedestal even though their maturity level is arguably lower than other characters their age. They clearly don't notice this discrepancy either or acknowledge that they're overcompensating and so they make fun of other people for not being on their self-proclaimed elevated level.

I'm sure it doesn't help that they've been held up and praised by their fanbase from such a young age either. Plus, with Dadacha (a presumably trusted authority figure in their lives, whether or not that "trust" was earned or demanded) telling them how great they are all the time and feeding into that desire to be "the best", they surely must have come to believe all the hype, clutching it close with white-knuckled fists in order to keep themselves strong so they could carry on and achieve their goal.

It took me years (and, by that, I mean once I hit my 20's) to realize I didn't have a proper concept of age because of what I went through. I was almost exactly like that.

People would tell me I was "so mature" for my age and praise me for what I now realize were rather shallow things. But it went to my head because that was literally all I had to be proud of about myself, regardless of whether or not it was true. I had to force myself to grow up too quickly in order to prove myself so that I "wouldn't be like everyone else" because I was told that was bad and why should I aspire to be less than the best.

I had to take care of my brothers because no one else was going to. We all tried to take care of each other, but - as the next point will explain - we didn't have the healthiest relationship with each other either. We were much more forgiving of it back then because we gave as good as we got. Mostly, the older siblings (my older brother and I) had to take care of the younger siblings to make up for the lack of parenting in certain areas because we didn't want to see them fall behind or suffer for not knowing something even though we had nowhere near the skills to do a proper job either. But our parents would always say "do you want to be the parents and do our jobs for us?" and try to punish us because they interpreted us looking out for our younger siblings as trying to usurp their power in the household or something. So, instead, they tried to instill a competitive nature in us.

Our parents would compare our accomplishments and failures to each other's all the time and threaten us (usually by putting our safety and well-being on the line) in order to scare us into being motivated to do better than what we were personally capable of. If one of us managed to do better than the others, we got praised and treated for it and told that we were the only one who was going to be successful. Those "compliments" came so infrequently that we latched onto them and fought for approval when it turned out that approval was only a manipulation tactic that wasn't real. It kind of stung (but was also a relief) when I found out they had admitted out loud that they would never be proud of us because "why should we be proud of our kids?"

Because of my warped perception of myself and my aspirations, I thought too highly of myself... and yet my maturity level was far below what it should have been for my age. It also took me way too long to realize that certain things that were "appropriate" for people my age weren't necessarily appropriate for people my younger brothers' ages (I was actually more at their maturity level than what I should have been because of how stunted I was and it never occurred to me that there was a pretty decent age gap of 3-4 years between us)... or that things people said were appropriate for people my age... weren't actually appropriate for people my age and in fact wouldn't be appropriate for me at all until I was much older.

2) Aki and Haru were victims who became bullies as a defense mechanism to defend themselves against getting hurt/broken again and as a reaction to the threat of their most important thing (aka: their hero) being taken away from them. It's a dog eat dog world out there and they knew it was kill or be killed, especially in their industry, so they had to always have the upper hand because they only had each other to depend on.

Goura had told them to grow up strong even if it meant causing mischief. Even though he meant it more like "as long as you stay alive, that's what matters", they took him literally. I mean, it's still impressive that they had it in them and could do it, but you see where that landed them.

It was extremely unhealthy for them to develop such a fixation on Goura like they did, but when that was their only dependable connection to other humans (considering their father was hardly around and became someone who never kept his promises to them)... he became their hope for carrying on in a world that was so foreign to and unaccepting of them for long enough to leave a prolonged impact on them (like my next point states). After experiencing "losing" him time and time again despite trying so hard to reach him, they became desperate to obtain the ideal they had of him in the form of his acknowledgement... and eventually the security of his presence in their lives.

Growing up in my household, it was very much "kill or be killed" and my brothers were all very aware, so we acted accordingly. Naturally, that bled into our behavior around other people as well. And despite how I am now, I did a lot of terrible, abusive, and despicable things to other people (especially my brothers) in defense of myself or to protect what I thought was mine (I had a hard time letting things go) all the way up until I was in high school and was forced to really take a look at myself as a person. That was when I realized I didn't like who I had become and made a conscious effort to change, do my best to make it up to the people I had wronged, and ensure that I wouldn't hurt anyone like that again.

Of course, I was still in denial about a lot of my issues/behavior until I got to college...

3) Trust issues. Aki and Haru don't believe anyone but their hero is genuine because everyone has proven to want something from them, let them down, annoy them, or just not understand/get them. Because of this, they see their hero as something flawless... which would surely hurt their trust issues further if such an illusion of perfection was ever shattered (*ahem* the glass coffin motif in the s2 finale).

...let's just say this hit a strong personal note with me.

I remember when that illusion shattered and I felt like my entire world had crumbled beneath me. I had struggled in hardcore denial every step of the way, aggressively trying to convince myself that I was right, everything was fine just the way it was, I didn't need anyone, the rest of the world just didn't get it, if I just kept going down the brutal self-assured path I was on I'd come out on top, etc.

So, when everything I thought I had known turned out to be a lie and I was forced to really look at it for the first time without a filter, I had to rebuild my view of the world and other people from the ground up. It took a lot of people repeatedly telling me "this is not okay" for me to finally accept it. I had fallen so far (in ways I don't want to mention in detail right now) all because of this glass world that had been built up around me. I needed it to shatter hard, and for someone to acknowledge what I had been purposely blinding myself to and tell me that they believed in me because they wanted me to become someone I could be truly proud of instead of what I thought someone else should be proud of.

I cried a lot and for a long time when it happened. It was a lot to process and it’s still overwhelming to me all these years later now that I’m dealing with the repercussions of it.

~.~

There are more things I could point out, but these details in particular stuck out at me first as I was preparing a series of analyses about the twins and started thinking these issues sounded VERY familiar to me. This is extremely important to me and maybe this realization is why it hurts me so much when someone says the twins aren't worthy of a redemption.

Because, if Aki and Haru aren't worthy of redemption, then I most certainly am not worthy of it either.

I was a horrible person not too long ago, but once I was slapped in the face with reality and was able to make a conscious effort to fix myself, I became someone that most people tend to say is a decent person. If I could crawl out of that nightmarish hell pit, I think the twins can as well. I had to do it on my own, for the most part, but the twins have other people to help them point out what needs to be changed and encourage their developing self-awareness (like I do now and, trust me, it helps).

They are still in the process of realizing and processing all of these things about themselves throughout season 2. Sure, we didn't get to see them actually go through the nasty cleanup process that I've personally had to experience. But we're told to believe that it is happening and the season 2 finale does show they're making some headway with it. I would love to see it for myself because they still have a long way to go like I still do and they're only at the beginning of their journey, but I'm happy just knowing that the writers gave them this chance one way or another.

Once again, this is all my personal interpretation of the characters based on what we've seen of them so far in the show. I'm not as familiar with the other supplementary material that involves them, unfortunately, so I didn't include it in my personal pondering here. I just took a closer look at Haru and Aki in season 2 and saw a lot of myself in them. And this is what I came away with after thinking about it for a while. I am in no way implying that this is 100% canon.

#boueibu #binan koukou chikyuu bouei-bu love!#cute high earth defense club love!#Akihiko Beppu #Haruhiko Beppu #boueibu love rambles #random thought #story of my life #I could have actually extended this to talk about the 'incest' angle but...#that was a bit too personal for me and I didn't want to relive my own experiences again u-u #so I'll just leave it at these three bullet points for now #besides I'm planning on discussing the twins more in depth later when I have the proper amount of energy for it #so we'll see where that takes me when the time comes #also in some ways I sympathize with the way Haru is so quick to an emotional reaction #leaving Aki to be the one who has to do the comforting and calming despite the fact that he's emotional too #and probably needs a break #I often have to split myself into two parts: the 'child' part of me that needs to be cared for and the 'adult' part of me #the 'child' part is my emotional/impulsive and usually destructive behavior #and the 'adult' part of me is the logical part of me that has to talk myself out of bad things #with varying degrees of success because that part of me is exhausted and desperately needs a vacation from myself

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linkspooky · 7 years

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What do you thought between kaneki n touka and furuta n rize? I dont why for me there so similiar but at the same time so contrast each other. Ah im not question it for ship, just character interest or i dont know what i should call it

Kaneki, Touka, Furuta and Rize form a nice square of foils that arranges itself neatly like this. I was even able to draw a chart for you.

This is stuff I want to work on for a later post so I’m going to be more concise with this one.

Kaneki vs Furuta

Kaneki and Furuta’s current selves are both defined by a contrast to an extreme selflessness earlier in their lives. Furuta had one good thing about his early life as a Washuu child, somehow he was able to love one person despite being born completely unloved.

Yet, he gave that up. Despite the actions of his adult self, his childhood self’s action is still one of pure selflessness and love.

Perhaps too pure, so much so it was almost destined to be corrupted by his later self. Furuta’s selfishness in his current life is almost a direct response to this action. Even so far as overcompensation. His current self turns completely on his childhood self, as if he’s trying to prove his childhood self wrong for acting that way.

Rather than a person capable of such acts, capable of letting go, the Furuta we are now presented with is one of ultimate control, who uses literal iron bars to subjuggate the person he once let free. Rather than a child born at the mercy of the Washuu who understood the cruelty of his father and wanted to spare others from it, Furuta steps into the exact same position his father once occupied and deals that hurt out to others.

Furuta’s clownish and wildly selfish antics are just that, an act. One to save himself from vulnerability. In his attempt to spare himself from his own emotions though, he reduces all others around him into nothing more than tools. They have no meaning and therefore he has no meaning, and Furuta spares himself from the hardness of his own life.

Furuta is all the negative traits of Kaneki, his extreme selfishness in his world spanning goals, his need for importance to justify the tragedy that happened to him, his habit of using others as objects. In Kaneki these habits still appear but much more lukewarm as they are expressed in the midst of a full persona rather than a concentrated antagonist. I always find it funny that Kaneki looks so bored when he’s told Furuta is running a revolution against the Washuu family for basically what is his own twisted childhood romance, considering Kaneki not even fifteen chapters later says this.

Kaneki says in the same conversation that he’s willing to fight for all of ghouls kind, and that he also does not care at all for people unless they’re directly in front of him. His entire motivation for running a ghoul revolution then, is about ten or so people that he knew for about six months at most.

The reasons look small and petty when you zoom out from Furuta and Kaneki’s perspective, but at the same time inside their own heads you can see why these people, these few brief moments of happiness in their otherwise miserable lives are reasons they see for fighting the entire world over.

Kaneki too is, afraid of being vulnerable, afraid of being weaker than the situations around him but most of all afraid of being abandoned again and therefore seeks to control the people around him in passive ways.

Kaneki is always the first to abandon, with no warning or no explanation for himself. He always says it’s for the safety of the other one, but in reality it’s to spare his own feelings of having his agency ripped away, of losing them suddenly just like he lost his mother.

Kaneki himself once devoted himself to trying to live as selflessly as possible, but one day he snapped and became far more selfish to overcompensate. Whether this happened specifically with Yamori, or even before that is ambiguous but Kaneki’s current self is devoted almost entirely to his own ego and support. In a way then, Kaneki sees the people around him as symbols for himself and conjures them up inside his own head, Rize is his strength, Hide is his hope, Yamori is his evils.

He assumes himself the point at which the universe turns just like Furuta, and just like Furuta is willing to take on revolutions with thousands of lives at stake for as petty a reason as finding his own reason to live. Which is why despite having massive amounts of empathy Kaneki is rarely ever able to make proper use of it. Because everything to him is always filtered through the lens of Kaneki. His passive action is to treat others as if they were support characters in his own tragic novel, to focus on those who validate his own existence over all else.

Rize vs Touka

Rize and Touka however are more interesting on how opposite they are. This is going to be shorter because Rize isn’t really allowed to be a character so much as a collection of traits that other people project onto, but I’ll try nonentheless. One important thing I want to observe is that originally there was no Rize in the oneshot version of Tokyo Ghoul. Instead Touka took up the role of what was basically the binge eater that Kaneki came in contact with.

That trait was obviously shed from Touka, and split off into a character entirely of her own in the form of Rize. Being Kaneki’s two main love interests Rize and Touka are obviously set up to foil each other but I see little on comparing them. Perhaps because they’re not similiar enough to be considered classic foils. They do have some similarities.

In the manga Touka’s introduction to her real self rather than her cafe persona is in tearing apart a molester in a Rize like fashion, mostly due to losing her own temper.

If there is a similarity between the two of them, they both tend to get violently angry and lash out physically at convenient targets. Touka was angry at the whole of the CCG, but only lashed out by picking a few select agents. Rize was angry at the existence of the Washuu and the birdcage she was born into, but rather than directly fighting against them she merely picked off male targets that most likely represented to her the Washuu as a hobby to cure her so called ‘boredom’.

Of course there is a world of difference in how these two women express their primary anger they feel as a core part of their being. Touka does everything she can to suppress it and appear human, even to go so far as to eat food she could have easily thrown away when no other human being is looking at her.

Rize would never do something like that in a million years, she actively resented the restrictions ghouls had to play to in order to pass as humans. While Touka wants to conform, Rize hates all rules, even the ones that make sense as to not attract Doves.

They both are women fueled by a fundamental anger but deal with it in a drastically opposite approach. Another minute detail is that after losing their homes, both Touka and Rize were adopted by secondary father figures. Rize had Shachi and Touka had Yoshimura, who also were both established as old friends.

This is something that for the most part didn’t happen to both Kaneki and Furuta. Kaneki’s aunt who took him in only worsened his abuse, and Furuta was left in the garden alone after Rize fled. Perhaps that’s why the girls in this foil square are able to handle loneliness substantially better, while both boys are near suicidal from lack substantial love given in their lives.

The Two Pairs of Foils

If you line up the two of them as a pair then, you have one pair defined by extreme selifshness and extreme selflessness.

Rize only used the freedom that Furuta gave her to indulge in herself, while thinking nothing of him. She turned her back on him fully and instead of making something for her life, she only indulged, and indulged building atop the corpses of others. Rather than try to fight for the freedom she seemed to care about so much for ghouls, she became nothing more than a serial killer basically who caused troubles for other ghouls.

Furuta also, lost the childhood care he had for Rize and slowly only came to care about her through the lens of how she made him feel. Rize made him feel anxiety, Rize made him feel worry for her sake, or perhaps Rize just made him feel in general. As Rize turned away from him, Furuta too, turned away from her and eventually only sought to control her.

Then you have Touka and Kaneki, the couple that stands on opposite ends of the bridge. The great obstacle in their relationship, despite too coming from similiar places of origin just like Rize and Furuta. As both Kaneki and Touka are orphans, with abandonment complexes who therefore have their primary fear as losing epople.

They both adapt to this fear in their own way. Kaneki pushes people away while attempting to fight for them, so he can feel validation from them in some indirect way. While this is selfishly motivated, Kaneki running himself into the ground, to near insanity merely trying to protect others is selflesss, an action he tries to do for others.

Touka herself who waited for three years, who chose the route of pasivity like Yoshimura to an extent. Refusing to act directly yet at the same time waiting all that time hoping that he will come back to the cafe.

Both of them were being selfless and trying to think of others, but neither of them were able to get closer that way. It’s only when Kaneki and Touka both acted on their selfish desires, when Kaneki spoke of his fear of losing others when Touka admitted she wanted to be by his side more than to wait at home for him to return did they actually get closer.

#metasks #meta #tg meta #rize kamishiro #touka kirishima #kaneki ken #furuta nimura #i'm only tagging him with that one name #he has too many #this is my version of concise okay

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