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bump1nthen1ght · 3 years

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I’m Still Hurting (Orc x Reader) Part 2

Pairings: Fem!Reader/Male!Orc

Genre: Urban Fantasy, Angst

Warnings: None

Word Count: 2107 words

Summary: You and your boyfriend establish a new normal

A/N: At long last, the highly requested part two! I had a bit of struggle coming up with a proper followup to the first part (which was part of why I left it with an open-ended ending in the first place lol). Little less angst this time, I felt these two deserved a little sweetness after the last chapter. Hope y'all enjoy!

Part 1

The first thing that caught your eye when you walked by the music store was the Grand Piano. It was gorgeous: Polished mahogany, a nice velvet seat, and keys that looked like they had never seen the sticky fingers of a curious 8 year old.

“Wow, is that new?”

You nod, admiring the old-fashioned air of the instrument. You knew jack shit about music, but even you could tell that this piano was an antique, one probably worth a good chunk of change.

“Must be. I’ve never seen it before and this place is on my way to work.”

Waruck hmms, pressing his hands up against the glass. His eyes sparkle when he sees the “Free to Play” sign right next to the piano. It probably reminds him of his Grandpa’s, the one he played when you guys visited his family for Christmas.

That was a long time ago.

“Want to go in?”

Waruck pulls away from the glass, eyebrows raised. He rubs the back of his neck and steps a couple feet back, trying to curb his enthusiasm.

“Uh, we don’t have to-”

“I don’t mind. It's been a while-” You pause, the slight-anxiety in the air making every casual word difficult, “It’s been a while since I’ve heard you play.”

Waruck smiles, small and polite, and opens the door of the shop for you. Before, he might have done a little bow and said “Ladies First” in a British accent.

But that was before, and this is now. Now, every comment is walking on eggshells, whispered tentatively and under your breath. Testing the waters for how comfortable you two could get around each other.

Still, it was exponential growth from two months ago.

--------

After your meeting at the coffee shop, you had asked Waruck for a month; A month of privacy, for you to collect your thoughts and feelings, to be alone for a bit. He had agreed immediately, shuffling out of the cafe with a hunched back and a melancholy air, but he had kept his promise. You took the time to focus on other things, shifting your relationship to the back of your mind and enjoying the day-to-day.

But a part of you felt a little bad, like maybe you were stringing Waruck along for an inevitable breakup. Getting his hopes up for an extra tortuous punishment that left a sour taste in your mouth. So on one brave Saturday night, you sent him a meme you saw on Instagram, one that reminded you of him.

That second month saw the two of you texting more and more frequently, sending little jokes, asking how your day was, so and so. Each week rebuilt a little bit more of that familiarity, that comfortableness. It finally got to the point where Waruck asked if you were free one weekend. He just wanted to get some lunch and stroll around the neighborhood for a bit. For the first time in a while, that idea didn’t seem too bad.

--------

The air is considerably cooler inside the store, a tiny bell ringing as a rush of air-conditioned air hits both of you. Waruck makes a beeline for the piano, his footsteps short and quick. You feel a smile crawl on your face; He always acted like an excited kid when it came to music.

Waruck plops down in the center of the stool, fingers lightly brushing over the keys in awe. You walk up the piano’s side, laying your hand on the wood and admiring the lack of smudge marks on the polished wood. Waruck tests out a G note and although the sound is short, it’s extremely pleasant. Waruck’s smile grows even larger.

“When I was a young boy…”

You mutter under your breath. Waruck chuckles, quickly continuing onto a G flat.

“My father took me into the city,” Waruck hums

“To see a marching band.” The two of you sing together, laughing a little bit too loudly and gaining a sharp look from the tired sales clerk. Waruck waves a little apology, but that playful grin stays on his face.

“Wow, that brings back some repressed Hot Topic memories.”

“Seriously. I can almost feel the book my band teacher used to thwack me with. Me and my buddies would sneak into the choir room and play that all the time.” Waruck’s fingers dance over a couple more notes, aimless.

You’ve always liked watching Waruck play. His fingers were so dextrous and controlled, not to mention long and nicely articulated. He’d probably make good money from a hand-model side-gig.

“Want to take a seat?”

You shift your focus away from Waruck’s hands. He’s made space on the bench and pats the open space next to him.

“Yeah, sure.” You say, despite the fast pace your heart is now beating.

You keep a solid two inches of distance between your bodies, keeping your thighs together as to not brush your legs with his. It felt like a middle school dance, keeping a bible length away from your partner to avoid the disapproving stare of the chaperones.

Waruck nods, absentmindedly running his fingers up the scale. “Any requests?”

Immediately, all non-love songs depart from your brain. One of your favorite pieces sits on the tip of your tongue and your brain refuses to let it go. You shake your head.

“Nope. It’s all yours, music man.”

Waruck chuckles, a little louder and a lot more comfortable, as he sits deeper in his seat.

“Prepare,” Waruck cracks his knuckles, “to be amazed.”

You bite back a laugh. He’s still such a dork.

He starts to play, his hands easily finding the right keys, moving like a well-oiled machine. Your heart nearly skips a beat before it melts into a puddle of sentiment.

It’s your favorite.

The song brings back memories of your childhood, a rainy day in, and delicious food. It’s like chicken soup for the soul and you can feel any of the left over tension leave your body.

Waruck’s eyebrows furrow with concentration, but he has a large smile on his face, his large tusks peeking out from his lips. His arm stretches across the piano as the song hits its most fast-paced part. His biceps and shoulders lean more into your space, but the feeling isn’t unwelcome. It feels natural, as if his presence and yours is part of the piece itself.

Waruck’s thigh brushes against yours, but his pace doesn’t falter and neither does yours. You stay enraptured, watching how easily he slips into the music. You barely even notice how you have begun to lean closer to his side; Your mind says it’s to give his arms plenty of space to play, but it’s still far more comfortable than you are willing to admit.

How easy it feels, in the moment, to fall back into routine.

The song begins slowing to a stop, only a couple seconds left, when the sounds of the music shop return to you. A giggle from not too far rings discordant with Waruck’s piano.

Three girls stand not too far from you, watching with fascination as Waruck plays.

“Wow, he is so good!” One whispers to her friends.

There is nothing even remotely lascivious in their eyes or in their words, but a knife still twists in your gut. Your throat constricts as flashes of your bedroom, of unanswered texts, and a picture of a bar corner booth send needles down your spine and into your heart.

Is this wrong? Is this giddy feeling you have only distracting you from reality? Is it like this song, Waruck’s playing, beautiful but temporary?

“Ugh, I want what they have.”

“I know, right? How romantic.”

They’re wrong, you’re wrong, this is wrong; It’s fake, fake, fa-

Your eyes dart to and fro, trying to desperately avoid Waruck’s quickly overwhelming body heat and your audience, before it catches on the distorted shape of your reflection in the window.

The glass is old, slightly drooping, even the golden lettering of the music shop’s name looks dusty and sun-bleached.

But what is unmistakable is you and Waruck. Waruck, playing piano, and looking at you. Looking at you with the love in his eyes you thought had died, or had never been there at all. The group of girls stands in the background, small and out of focus.

And Waruck is staring at you.

“Are you okay?” Waruck asks, his warm hand on your shoulder.

You whip your neck around, almost getting whiplash.

You’re here, in the music store, with your boyfriend. He looks at you, brow slightly puzzled from your wild eyes.

“Yeah, yeah, I,” You suck in a deep breath, “Sorry, I guess I got lost in my own head. That song gets me kind of nostalgic.”

Waruck pats your shoulder and you miss it’s heat when he pulls it back to his side. He smiles, but you can tell he is still slightly worried.

“No problem, I get it.”

You notice now how much closer Waruck is to you. His chest has shifted towards yours, the fabric of his shirt sleeve pressing against the skin of your bicep. Waruck’s knee absentmindedly knocks into yours, but the contact doesn’t sting or jolt you. Not even the continuing silence makes the situation awkward.

It’s nice.

“Do you want to check out the record aisle? They might actually have that piece on vinyl.”

Waruck gestures with his thumb to the piles of CD’s and records not too far from you two. You nod

“Yeah, that sounds great.”

--------

The two of you spend about an hour in the music store, pointing out hilarious cover art and admiring some vintage finds. Waruck even gets you to chuckle a couple of times, slowly bringing out his old cheesy puns.

Waruck’s missed this.

You two walk out of the music store at the tail end of one of Waruck’s jokes, you playfully punching his shoulder.

The two of you wander, in the opposite direction of your cars, for a little while. But Waruck hasn’t lost track of time; No, he’s soaking in every moment he can, every smile and lingering look you give him. Every reminder that this is real.

He spent a week agonizing over what he did. Stuck in silence as he gave you your space. His friends (His real friends, not those assholes from the bar) had offered to come by and keep him company, but he turned it down.

When Waruck got back into routine, it was slow-rolling. It was difficult to fight the instinct to check his phone for a good-morning text, or check your Instagram for any ‘post-breakup’ partying.

No, he had already broken your trust once. The least he could do was give you some time. Spend some hour not wallowing in self-pity, but actively make a change.

Waruck began to accept those invites to a chill hang out, playing some poker and sipping on beer with the gang. He played his keyboard when the thoughts got too loud and went jogging when the music wasn’t loud enough. He called his mom a couple of times, even sent his sister a couple of texts to catch up. They hadn’t spoken outside of holidays for almost three years.

Maybe he was the one that needed time.

God, why did you have to be so smart?

“Oh shit, how long have we been walking?” You mutter, checking your watch for the time. Waruck turns around you, already knowing the answer was 27 minutes, exactly. The both of you were nearing the edge of the neighborhood, cafes and shops turning into residential suburbs. “Dang, time really flies, huh?”

Waruck smiles.

“With you? It always does.”

You give him a half smile, patting his bicep. “Oh my god, you’re such a cheeseball.”

Waruck winks and shoots you some finger guns.

“You know it babe.”

You giggle, checking your watch once more, face turning just a little bit.

“I should probably head back, I’m getting dinner with some friends tonight.”

A small part of Waruck yearns for more time, but he lets it go.

Space, this was about establishing space.

“I had a lot of fun today, Waruck.” You step a little closer, Waruck’s heart skips a beat.

“Me too.” He whispers, his breath catching as your fingers brush against his.

It’s a simple gesture, one you’ve down a million times. But when your palm slips into his, your finger’s interlocking, it’s like fireworks have gone off.

“Same time, next week?”

Waruck nods, not trusting himself to speak without a voice crack.

That’s all he needed, all you wanted; The promise of the future.

“Yes, I would love that.”

#my writing #orc x reader #reader insert #female reader insert #orc/human #monster/human #monster x reader #monster/reader #angst #orc

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unsettlingconclusions · 3 years

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Piano Sonata n08

Pairing: Hana Lee x MC (Riley) Summary: Riley was no expert in classical music but she easily sensed the tempo was increasing erratically, notes were missing and some of them sounded just downright wrong. It was unlike Hana to play carelessly, disregarding rhythm and accuracy. It could only mean one thing, Hana was furious. Set during TRH3. Genre: Hurt/comfort. Angst? Rating: T Word Count: 1600+ Notes: In honor of the CG of Hana crying </3 This was sitting around my filled with spider’s webs AO3 profile. Written while listening to Mussorgsky's "A Night on Bald Mountain" if anyone is interested in feeling the pure rage. Fic title refers to Beethoven's Piano Sonata no 8, the 1st movement. The last piece mentioned is Hungarian Rhapsody no 02, by Liszt. Riley stands at the threshold of the music room. The heavy sounds of agitated music pierce the air, filling it with something... intense. Yes, intense would be an appropriate way to describe it. The stiffness in her stance, the way Hana's body moved, her tense expression... all of it screamed rage.

Although Riley was no expert in classical music, she easily sensed the tempo was increasing erratically, notes were missing and some of them sounded just downright wrong. It was unlike Hana to play carelessly, disregarding rhythm and accuracy. It could only mean one thing, Hana was furious.

She had to be. A few hours ago, Barthelemy had just walked out the door of their home carrying away their daughter and there was nothing they could do to stop it. It enraged Riley as well, made her blood boil with fury, her skin burn a thousand degrees. She wanted badly to just bolt and take her family with her, go wherever. But she knew this cluster would follow her anywhere. They needed to take Barthelemy down for good.

So she and Hana devised a plan alongside their friends to do so through Godfrey and everyone would leave for Auvernal in the morning. After that was settled, the heaviness of the day they just had started to take its toll and make way for exhaustion. Once Riley and Hana helped their friends settle in for the night, Hana excused herself claiming she was too agitated to go to sleep yet. She might not have said it with words but Riley was perceptive enough to notice Hana meant she needed a moment to herself.

That was something she could understand. Hana had an overall sweet and kind disposition, but that was not to say those were the only emotions she was familiar with. However, her upbringing did not allow her to properly know how to express anything else and she had a tendency to either shut down or deal with it all by herself, often involving quiet, solitary brooding, and an over rationalizing attitude.

Out of respect for her, Riley gave her space. And a few minutes soon turned hours, prompting Riley to go looking out after her wife; she was not about to let the woman she loved dive into misery land. She took a wild guess Hana would either be by the lake or the piano room, and soon enough the sound of a haunting melody pierced through her ears.

Usually, when Riley would find Hana playing, she'd inconspicuously move closer and quietly sit nearby, enjoying the feeling of being let in into something so intimately Hana's. But tonight she was not seeing beauty or contemplation, she wasn't feeling closer to Hana... She was seeing madness, and one that imposed high mountains surrounding her wife.

The hell they had to face ahead of them was brutal, vicious and cruel. This was no time for madness. Madness wouldn't solve the issue, if anything it would make them reckless, and that would mean playing the part Barthelemy expected them to play. No, there could be absolutely no madness!

"Hana", Riley calls out to her once, then twice, to no avail. "Hana!" She calls again, more forcefully this time, but her pleas were still met with no response. "Hana, snap out of it!" Riley nearly screams this time, smashing her own hands against the piano keys, her body trembling with indignation.

"WHAT?" Hana halts abruptly, shooting an angry glare at Riley. “What do you want, Riley? What could you possibly want that I could possibly do right now?” She goes back to playing a little less erratically this time, her eyes focusing on the piano keys, and Riley could feel her still reeling of anger. “I couldn’t protect our daughter, what’s left for me to do?”

“We get her back, Hana. I need you to work with me on this. Fight with me.” Riley replies, awkwardly leaning over the piano trying to block Hana away from the keys.

It’s Hana’s turn to smash her hands against the piano keys now, pushing the bench forcefully back while abruptly getting up. “I’m enraged, Riley, I want his head served to me with his blood. I want to tear it off myself!” She paces back and forth across the length of the piano room, every inch of her body trembling, her hands picking nervously at the sides of her head. “I want to feast on his flesh and throw him to lions!”

Riley steps up, blocking Hana’s path as she grabs both Hana’s wrists with her own hands, trying to calm her wife down at the same time as trying to tame her own anger. “What do you think I want?” She barks, narrowing her eyes and forcing Hana to look at her. “Do you think I’m not pissed off myself? I’m furious, Hana.”

Hana struggles to get out of Riley’s grasp, but Riley wouldn’t budge. “Let go of me, Riley.” Hana says as she continues struggling. “Please.”

“No.”

“Just let me go!”

“No! I won’t leave you, Hana.”

The anger in Hana’s eyes starts to slowly subside as it gives way to frustration and exasperation. After a few more failed attempts at releasing herself, Hana’s whole demeanor changes and what Riley sees instead is even worse. It’s... despondency. Riley lets go of Hana’s wrists and engulfs her in a crushing hug.

“I love you, Hana. We will get her back, ok? I promise you, I promise you we’ll get her back.” Riley says over and over again, instilling hope or whatever she could in her wife. Hana responds by holding onto Riley for dear life, her body shaking as she starts sobbing. The force with which Hana’s fingers is digging into her skin is verging on painful, but Riley endures it. It can’t be more painful than the ache Hana was feeling inside, then what she herself was feeling inside.

“I can’t imagine not raising her, not seeing her every day, not being there for all her milestones, to sooth her when she cries.” Hana rubs one of her hands in her eyes, fighting back her tears and not entirely releasing her hold on her wife. “What are we gonna do without her, Riley? How are we supposed to do this?”

“It’s not going to happen, Hana. We will get her back.”

“She must be so afraid, Riley, so scared. Just thinking about it is driving me insane.”

Riley couldn’t go there. The thought was unbearable. It was bad enough that someone took away their child, but adding in that he was a traitor and a murderer was too much to handle. She couldn’t allow herself to despair thinking of how scared Aurora was. No, she had to fight, and she needed Hana to fight as well. She grabs both Hana’s arms and search for her wife’s eyes. “Hey, look at me.” Hana doesn’t move. “Baby, look at me. Look at me, Hana,” Riley insists.

Hana raises her chin so as to stare into Riley’s eyes, her own moist with all the crying. Riley moves her hands to both Hana’s cheeks, brushing her thumbs just below Hana’s eyes, wiping away the tears and the pain. She holds Hana’s head in place, trying to convey everything she felt with her gaze.

“Do you remember Olivia’s training?” Hana nods affirmatively. “We use our anger in our favor. We let our love for her drive us.” Riley brushes a stray of hair out of Hana’s face and brings their foreheads together. “We are forged in fire! The higher the flames, the greater our strength. We’ll come out of it stronger. We will make Barthelemy regret the day he decided to mess with our family and we will make him pay! For Aurora and for Queen Eleanor, we will bring him to justice!” Riley said, pouring her heart out with every single word that comes out of her mouth.

Several minutes pass in which they stand in silence, taking comfort in each other’s embrace and drinking in each other’s presence. Eventually Hana sighs deeply, shaking her head as if coming out of a haze. “I’m sorry I got a little lost there. It just felt so overwhelming for a moment.”

“It’s ok, love. You’re allowed to be upset. Just let me in and I promise I’ll always be here for you if you need me dragging you back.” Riley said calmly, keeping to herself the relief she felt in seeing a resemblance of the Hana she knew. She can’t say she ever saw Hana so angry before.

“I love you and I love our daughter. I’m ready to fight for our family with you.” Hana tries a shy smile that ends up looking more a grimace than anything else, but at least the sentiment was there.

“There she is, there’s the woman I married.”

Riley reaches out for Hana again, planting a kiss on Hana’s forehead. She then rests her chin on top of Hana’s head while encircling her on a loose hug.

“You know, when all of this is over, I will have someone make me a life-sized piñata with Barthelemy’s face and we’ll have so much fun trashing it to pieces.” Riley offers, her voice the most relaxed it has been for the past minutes. “I’ll make an event out of it, a holiday even! The trashing scumbags festival. What do you think?”

Hana manages a real if weak smile this time. “It has a nice ring to it, although we can work on that name.”

“I’m thinking hiring an orchestra, go on full pomp and circumstance mode. And I know just the piece the orchestra could play, you know that one from the cat concert on Tom and Jerry.”

Hana makes a face, completely lost as to what Riley was talking about.

“You know, the one tada tadadada dada dada...” Riley goes on making weird noises, mimicking the melody of Hungarian Rhapsody n 2 by Liszt. She knows how Hana enjoys when she goes classical.

And true to form, Hana’s smile goes a bit truer now. “I can agree to that.”

“That would make it very solemn, it’ll be the event of the year.” Riley finishes the thought, grinning slightly.

“Thank you, darling. For making me feel better."

Riley places a quick but meaningful kiss on Hana's lips and grabs her hand, leading them towards the door.

“Come on, let’s get some sleep. We’re gonna need our strength tomorrow.”

#the royal romance #hana lee x mc #mc x hana lee #hana lee #I'm back to my angst self I guess #hooray #hana x mc

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misdre · 3 years

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misi's beyblade AUs masterpost

i like making AUs, i have many of them, here's a post of them from oldest to newest. (at least approximately) (the ones that got no art of them have photos from unsplash. i just enjoy setting the mood)

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Magical boy AU takao is an ordinary middle schooler who one day gets dragoon the magical spinning top from a cute little azure dragon, seiryuu, and transforms into a magical boy to protect the world from evil for some cosmic reasons that i haven't come up with yet. the rest of the characters have similar powers from their holy beasts and takao needs to gather up his team to fight the evil and. you get the drill is there art of it? yes 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 is there a fic of it? no note: i originally created this just because i like designing the outfits so i haven't planned the story much (this used to be my main focus but then 4kingdoms happened GJSDHGHSDG) i'd want to though, i'll get back to it eventually...at some point...... one of the charm points of this AU is that the holy beasts are these digimon-like animals that hang out with the characters and each have their own personalities.

Fairy tale monster AU takao and gramps live in a cabin in the middle of a forest full of monsters and takao decides one day to venture out to look for a silver-haired boy he once saw, he meets up with the other BBA characters one by one in the grim woods. is there art of it? no is there a fic of it? yes note: my oldest halloween fic. the characters are all these different cute spooky creatures and it's intended to sound like a fairy tale.

One day, he determined that the time was ripe: Takao decided to leave for an adventure. For his grandfather was old, it was not at all unusual for him to lay down to bed before sundown. Once the hut had fallen in drowsy silence, Takao packed his one and only bag with what little he felt he needed, took his cap and jacket, and stepped over the doorsill. He had left the safe warmth of the hut behind.

Royal fantasyverse AU (the tale of four kingdoms) takes place in a fantasy universe with four kingdoms (east, west, south & north) created by the four holy beasts, in an era where each kingdom happens to be ruled by an exceptionally young king due to their respective circumstances. when the four meet for the first time, a snowball of events is set in motion that's going to affect all four kingdoms. is there art of it? yes 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 is there a fic of it? yes 1 / 2 note: like a period drama with magic and gay and tons of worldbuilding. probably has way too many mysteries for the boys to solve because i have no self control when it comes to creating twists. this is The one AU that i have crammed every usable canon character into, i need enough people to inhabit four fucking countries

After creating the four lands, the holy beasts created people to inhabit them. Because the beasts were celestial beings and couldn't but guard people and the world they lived in from far above, they needed human vessels to lead the four nations. Thus they created four kings who would rule over other people using the four beast’s powers. The four kings were neither human nor gods, but something between – they were messengers, or icons, of the four holy beasts.

Omegaverse AU a canon divergence AU (i guess??) where genders are replaced by A/B/O and everyone being either canine or feline. max is a late bloomer canine and finds out he's the only alpha of the BBA boys thanks to a certain feline omega. is there art of it? not really but i do have dog boy max and cat boy rei art (which are a bit too cute for this kinkfest. i mean they're obviously aged up for the real thing.) 1 / 2 is there a fic of it? it's been in the works for like, five years but i always shy away from finishing it note: it's omegaverse, it's exactly what you'd expect. the smut is so filthy i've been too embarrassed to even post it. hiromi is also an alpha by the way

Coffee shop AU highschooler rei goes on a venture to hit on a local Hot University Teacher and coffee shop owner judy in a cafe owned by her, ends up receiving a bunch of flirty cups of latte from barista max working there. is there art of it? no is there a fic of it? yes note: i mean, rei being into blonde MILFs is pretty much canon

Now that Rei looked at the boy more carefully, he realised his hair was just as fair and eyes just as blue as he knew Judy Mizuhara's to be. Maybe they were related? It wasn't that strange if Judy had hired a relative's kid to help out at the shop, right? He certainly looked American, but he had spoken Japanese. And then, all of a sudden, the boy turned to look back to him. Startled, Rei blinked his own golden brown eyes and shifted them back to his now empty cup. God, it was rude to stare at someone, wasn't it? He'd been too deep in thought to even notice doing it. Not that the boy had looked judgmental – he only seemed to wear a smile.

Soulmate AU max keeps having dreams with peculiar scenarios about a boy named rei. one day he borrows a book on soulmates from hiromi and finds a chapter talking about meeting your soulmate in the realm of dreams. is there art of it? no is there a fic of it? yes note: i don't even care for soulmate AUs, this was my own dare to myself to find a single soulmate trope that interested in me enough to write a thing of it.

Max was walking through a crowded airport, carrying a heavy backpack with him. He had never been to this airport in his life, but somehow he knew exactly where he was, and where he was supposed to go. And he was in a hurry, and Rei had at some point emerged from the crowd, as usual, keeping up with him without bumping into any of the people that should have blocked his way. “I'm sorry, this is probably my fault,” Rei said. “I haven't even travelled in ages anymore, but these dreams just keep coming back to haunt me.”

Chess player AU rei is a young chinese chess champion participating in the world junior championships, ends up falling for the american chess prodigy max somehow in the process and is determined to get to play against him again. is there art of it? no is there a fic of it? yes note: so this is one of the weirder ones i've done. it was inspired simply by me having a very vivid mental image of a scene of them playing dramatic chess together. this is probably my most underrated AU even by myself, i think the writing is pretty solid for such a short story of a topic i know practically nothing about

As a child, Rei had initially been taught to play xiàngqí, a Chinese game much more popular back in his home country; but chess with its refined, uniquely shaped pieces was love at first sight for the young Rei. He was a fast thinker and had amazing concentration skills once he set his mind on something, and he also had an outstanding memory, making it easy to memorise game patterns he once saw and then use them for his advantage. This all granted him natural talent in chess. But despite his skill, he had a bad habit of easily losing his temper and becoming indecisive once his focus wavered. Also, he was just a tad bit too sentimental. These traits often became his worst enemy in important matches, much worse than the actual opposing player. Keep your cool. Focus. Play well.

Flower shop + fake dating AU yuriy doesn't really know anything about flowers but is working part-time in a flower shop for the easy cash. he keeps getting a pair of weird customers who ask about flower language for hypothetical situations. is there art of it? not by myself and i don’t have a link to the fanart made of it unfortunately is there a fic of it? yes note: did i write this for valentine's day? i feel like i maybe did. this is my only AU (and fic in general) so far that's about a non-BBA character as the main lmao

“So, I need some advice for a particular situation,” the customer then began, idly tapping the counter with his hand. “I mean, not a real situation, of course – hypothetically speaking, if someone was just pretending to be going out with another person, but they weren't really going but it just needed to seem that way to everyone else, what kinda flowers would get the message through?” Possibly an idiot, Yuriy concluded his analysis. “So you need suitable flowers for a date,” he stated, shooting his eyes at his notes about common flower-usage.

Classical music AU (the heart that i love) max is a piano prodigy attending a classical music college that holds annual music competitions for the students. he's got some haters for being the son of a world-known pianist who's one of the teachers, but he also ends up having a budding romance with rei the mysterious chinese violinist. is there art of it? yes 1 / 2 is there a fic of it? yes note: the origin of this was my "max and mao are besties" college AU. then it got mixed in with my thirst for classical instruments and max being bullied.

Max isn’t exactly a synesthet, but he has always been able to see music as pictures – as entire sceneries, as great adventures. This tendency of his emerges especially strong whenever he’s learning to play a new piece on the piano; as he moves along the melody, the scenery is also being built around him like a jigsaw puzzle, creating a complete picture piece by piece; and once he has mastered the song, he’s able to freely traverse and immerse himself in the world inside that puzzle. Some pieces have a more relaxed or soothing scenery than others, some are exciting and thrilling – even deliciously sinister in the way that a good horror film can be. Setting himself down in front of a piano is always an invitation to a world of his choice.

Bakeneko AU after moving to a small rural town in japan, max hits his head and starts seeing things, such as a weird white cat following him around. after a while, he's convinced that he's being haunted. is there art of it? yes is there a fic of it? yes note: another halloween AU, a more surreal one where max is human and rei is. well. not

Max kept walking, his eyes still on the narrow road. He hadn't noticed while deep in thought, but it really was quiet that evening. The sun had nearly set by now, leaving the sky striped with the dusk of the approaching nightfall. There was no wind to rustle the treetops, no birds chirping, nothing. Only the sound of Max's own footsteps on the pavement, and the matching sound that followed. Followed. What if someone actually was following him? A sudden, violent chill struck down Max's spine, causing his hair to stand on end. He stopped. After a short delay, the steps also stopped.

Genderbend AU a canon divergence AU where everyone's a different gender from canon (duh). starts off as an alternate version of the g-revolution world championships where the girls meet for the first time and befriend each other. rei is a professional model in addition to being a blader in the baihus, and max from the PPB is delighted to be able to battle her. she has no idea that rei has fallen for her at first sight, though. is there art of it? yes 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 is there a fic of it? it's... in the works. note: i created this because i wanted to design attractive girls, what about it. absolutely partial to maxine's huge badonkadonks.

It wasn’t like Rei hadn’t already taken notice of her before, given that they were participating in the same world championship tournament, but the real turning point was the first time they stood on the opposing sides of a bey stadium. It was the day when the match-up roster signalled the match between the Chinese team and the American team, the Baihus versus the PPB All Starz; and despite both teams consisting of five players, it came down to, to Rei’s immense joy, the tag team of Rai and herself against the two most interesting US players, Rikki Anderson and Mizuhara Maxine.

Vampire & merboy AU rei is a starved vampire just about to end his own life when he meets merboy max at a forest lake. is there art of it? of max yes is there a fic of it? yes note: yet another halloween monster AU, this time they are both monsters though. this one’s a pretty grim one i have to admit

Rei succumbed into deep thought, considering his few options, when something grabbed his unsuspecting hand. Something yanked him forward in one mad splash and forced not only the rest of his arm but also his shoulders and head underwater. Half a second later Rei, so badly startled that he’d come close to slipping into insanity, found himself staring at a pair of bright blue eyes only inches away from his own face. His other hand and lower body still firmly on land, Rei pulled himself back with strength that he didn’t even know his weak body still contained. As he did, he also pulled up whatever was clutching his hand, which turned out to be another hand – a white hand with elongated, dirty fingers, so sharp at the tips that they looked like daggers.

Mafia AU max is the boss of the BBA mafia family, rei is a hitman and max's right hand man, the rest have various roles in the organisation. salima, mariam and some other girls (at least) are reporters doing investigative journalism on organised crime who get interested in covering the story of a group of russian elite detectives doing a thorough investigation of the BBA. is there art of it? of rei and max yes 1 / 2 / 3 is there a fic of it? it's in the works but it's just a gratuitous reimax smut note: this is a story i wish existed but this kind of police investigation action thing is so not my genre of expertise. that's why i'm just doing a PWP of my boys and the rest exists on conceptual level

“Did you know,” Salima said, perfectly peppy about it, “that there are secret underground auctions for stolen artwork that’s sold in the black market? Not just online auctions in the dark web but actual, physical events held somewhere in the city! Isn’t that so intriguing? Can you imagine how an event like that would look like, Max?” Max can – in fact, he doesn’t need to imagine. But he’d rather not think about it; the memories bring the familiar taste of bile in his mouth and make his gut curdle with a mixture of disgust and very particular guilt. The mere thought of it makes him set his coffee aside and bring a hand between his tightly shut eyes.

⸻⸻⸻

the next thing i come up with? who knows............

#bey things #i am only moderately insane #so i'm a person who never reads her own writing #but for this post i did. i read my old oneshots #and i wasn't disgusted by them!! actually i was rather impressed with them!!!#i didn't know such a feeling existed. to read your old writing #and be like how nice! writing of my OTP just the way i want it!#genuinely i was charmed by the soulmate AU because i'd forgotten most of it #bc i was so embarrassed about it for some reason? but it was a very nice story

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chunhua-s · 4 years

Text

WE FOUND EACH OTHER ➽ ASAHI AZUMANE X READER

PART OF THE HAIKYUU SOULMATES! ONESHOT SERIES

genre: fluff

soulmate au: the person can only see black and white until they meet their soulmate, then they’ll be able to see colour

warnings: none

if there’s one thing asahi hates hearing, it would be that he was lucky to have a soulmate.

he understands the idea. many people are envious or amazed at the idea that there are others who have their destined someone, the man or woman who would instantly fit into his life like the missing piece of a puzzle. it’s an awfully romantic idea, and honestly, asahi can get the appeal of having that special someone for yourself and eventually finding them.

what people often forget, or rather are blissfully ignorant of, is that people with soulmates are unable to perceive colours until they meet their counterparts. until they find that missing piece of their puzzle, they’d be bound to see the world in a dull monochrome, where the grey of the sea blend in with the horizon and the stars in the sky are nothing but small dots on a black canvas.

it’s within moments like this, when he takes a break from all his homework and assignments for his design class, where he wishes that he could appreciate the same world of vibrancy and brilliance that his friends are able to see. when koushi tells him that the blue sweater they saw together at the shopping center would suit him well; when his professors, ever mindful that he’s one of the few people in the world fated to for someone else, gently assist him in making choices for his designs; when the old store clerk innocently compliments him on his brown eyes, he always lets his mind wonder to far places, creating fantasies where the black and white would transform into the same, vibrant palette that his friends could see. would the baby blue that koushi told him about brush against his bare feet like the gentle brush of the waves on the beach? and that bright red that his teacher advised him to add to his design, is it like the scorching heat of summer or the chill of a cold winter day? is the brown of his eyes like the sweet caramel treats he enjoys? does it melt his heart the way they melt on his tongue?

his pen hangs languidly between idle fingers, the silence of the design studio filling up with the ambience of kitchen movement that comes from the video he watches on his phone. with his cheek pressed into his open palm, asahi sighs to himself as he watches the person on screen spread layers of icing over the cake they made. he’d come across this particular baking channel on wetube a little over a year ago, when one of their videos popped into his recommendations and he kept watching them make all sorts of different cakes and sweet treats.

<ah, i don’t even know what colour this is! hey, if the cake comes out looking silly for those of you who are able to see colour, i sincerely apologize in advance. . .>

a chuckle falls from his lips as he reads the captions in their video, feeling an instant sense of empathy as he also couldn’t tell what colour icing they were adding to the cake. earlier in their video while they were mixing the ingredients together, they’d confessed in their captions that they were unable to see colour, just like he was. and similarly, it was because they had yet to find their soulmate.

he watches their hand reach outside the frame to replace one icing pouch for another — this one being a darker shade of grey than the one before it. asahi tries to guess what colour it would be as they begin to make small patterns around the edges. is it koushi’s shade of baby blue? or is it the orange of hinata’s hair?

<anyways, this is the first time i’m making something so ambitious! normally i stick to plain cakes that don’t require so much decoration because I always worry i’ll mess up the colours :( but today i wanted to try something different!>

ha, asahi could understand that sentiment. it’s the same with the clothes he designs, never certain whether or not brown and purple would mix together well, or how light or dark he should go with different hues. he always ends up asking for help from sugawara or daichi for their opinion, even reaching out to noya whenever he could. and yet, even as they give him their feedback and tips, he would always wish that he didn’t have to; that he would be able to make those choices for himself rather than depending on the eyes and perception of another. his heart twists a bit inside his chest with the weight of those thoughts, forcing him to take a deep breath in an effort to reel himself in before his thoughts run any farther. instead, he focuses his attention on watching the careful actions of the hands on screen.

<i’m sure you guys can tell that i’m still a little uncertain since i used white icing to surround the entire cake — how can i tell that it’s white, you ask? well, because it’s white! of course i can see at least that clearly haha! (unless this isn’t actually white and instead a really really light shade of some other colour :v that would be so embarassing!>

he couldn’t fight the smile that touches his lips as he reads the words on screen. they always enjoy making small jokes with their viewers in the caption, never failing to draw small chuckles from him whenever he paused his work to watch them. countless times has he read about how difficult it is to whisk so many ingredients together, the imitations of sighing faces and emojis with their little fists pumping into the air causing an odd sense of endearment to grow in his heart. and yet, even as they complain, they always make sure to do their absolute best in making their cakes and sweet treats, all of which asahi is certain taste as good as they appear to be.

<i’m sure you all will let me know in the comments if the colours i chose are okay, right? please look after your clumsy baker, she’s trying her best for you all!>

asahi feels one eyebrow lift at that: this is the first time they — she — ever announced her gender since he started watching her channel. he’d once speculated when he saw the delicate appearance of her small hands, though he quickly dismissed that assumption as he recalled the way suga’s own hands could be considered feminine. though the detail itself isn’t very important, asahi tucks it away in a small compartment of his brain, stashing it along with all the other miscellaneous information he’s built up since watching her channel (like the fact that she seems to favour cute, anime and animal-themed appliances, and that she owns a small figurine of totoro that always appears in her videos, or that sometimes she likes to play wii music over clips of failed attempts and bloopers, etc etc....).

<tadaa! the lemon cake is finally finished!>

the familiarity of the soft piano music that begins to play fills him up with an odd sense of comfort, one that never evades him when she places the final display of her cake in the video. all across the surface are littered tiny mounds of icing, appearing like drops of candy with smaller, darker pieces scattered between and around them. asahi can’t help the thought that floods his brain of how good the cake must taste, and he feels himself crave the taste of it even more as she cuts herself a slice. using a fork, she breaks off a small piece of it, the sound of the metal hitting glass reaching in its own kind of ambience before it disappears outside of the frame. one, two, three seconds pass before she gives a thumbs up to the camera.

asahi doesn’t doubt the validity of that statement as he watches the fork return for another piece, feeling his own cravings spike. it’s truly masochistic that he chooses to watch videos like this that always make him hungry, he considers belatedly. even if he eats before watching her videos, he finds himself wishing for a slice of whatever sweet food she creates. “maybe i should try baking something myself...” he mutters out loud, glancing at the clock on the far wall.

6:43 pm.

he barely spares time to think on his decision before he’s pushing himself out of his chair, reaching for his backpack and wallet and making his way out the door of the studio. the convenience store nearby should have something he could use to bake, shouldn’t it? or at the very least, something sweet that he can buy until he has enough money to go to a supermarket (he’s certain his college student pocket won’t be able to sustain any heavy shopping right now).

the autumn night’s cold air brushes against his skin and he tucks his hands into his hoodie, shivering into himself as the breath falls from his lips like a cloud. all around him, the world dims into a monochromatic serenity, the kind that appeared to him with an amazing kind of beauty where the streetlights shone brightly against the dark sky. he can’t begin to explain what changed for him that night; maybe it’s the thought of getting himself a slice of chocolate cake and a chilly drink, or perhaps the cool temperatures that causes the blood to rush to his face, but asahi thinks that the night is oddly enchanting. the sigh that leaves his lips is a bit wistful as he looks skyward. would it be even more beautiful if he’d been able to see colour?

the sound of the store clerk greeting him as he enters the convenience store is a familiar thing to him by now as he politely nods his head to him, turning to make his way to the refrigerators that kept singular slices of cake. pursing his lips, he skims his eyes across the labels in search for a specific kind, and he smiles in satisfaction when he sees a package of lemon cake. “this will have to do until i can buy the ingredients,” he sighs to himself and looks over to where the drinks are.

when he sees her there, he freezes. or rather, it’s as if time itself stops moving around him.

the large sweater she wears is a light grey colour, and her sweatpants are just a tad darker. monochromatic, nothing that asahi isn’t used to seeing. what startles him, taking the breath out of his lungs, is the brown colour that he sees on her. it’s deep in her skin, so rich and enticing and so absolutely mesmerizing. she’s mesmerizing, like the picture of a goddess come to stand before him when the black of her hair runs so much deeper than he’s ever seen, slicked back so that it puffs atop her head. the earrings that she wears, small things that fit snugly into her piercings shine brighter than white, they glitter with a luster that asahi has always imagined belonged to silver. as she stands before the closed refrigerator door, a hand brought beneath her chin and her lips pushing out into a contemplative pout, the scenery around her starts to transform and bleed. the monochrome world that asahi’s always known since his birth blends out and morphs with a brilliance that he’s only ever heard his friends talk to him about. he feels his heart hurt with an indescribable kind of joy and wonder, love and fascinating wonder and a sense of yearning as he watches the colours from her figure like the birth of a star.

and yet, even as everything before and around him is changing, she remains the most beautiful thing to him — the blues and yellows, pastels and oranges all dull in comparison to her.

he doesn’t know what moves him forward. something inside him causes his feet to take him towards her without his knowing wish and as he gets closer to her, he’s absolutely terrified. is this real? is he really going to meet his soulmate? what if this is only happening to him and she’ll think he’s weird? the fear that eats away at his heart causes him to stop, and he’s so close to turning away when, by a strange twist of fate, she turns her head just barely to the side where he stands, and her eyes find his.

he can see the very moment when she experiences the same thing that he’d felt only moments before; his heart swells up at the way her brown eyes line with tears and glisten like jewels under the white light of the convenience store. heavens above, she’s so breathtaking, it’s the only thing asahi can think as his fists curl out at his sides, nearly hesitant to touch her for fear that he would ruin the moment between them. his voice loses itself in his throat and gone are all the words he used to think about for when this moment would finally happen. every “it’s nice to meet you,” and “wow, you’re beautiful,” evades him and flee from his mind, leaving him choked up before her until she breaks their silence first.

“it’s the same for you, right?”

her voice sounds to him like a beautiful melody.

frantically, he nods, fearful that if he waits to long that the moment would vanish into thin air around him and disappear. “i’m—“ breathe, he reminds himself, breathe. take a deep breath. “i’m asahi.”

she smiles up at him, appearing radiant and ethereal, and asahi finds himself marveling once again. “i’m (y/n),” there’s joyous laughter and mirth in her voice. “wow, i didn’t think i’d meet my soulmate in the convenience store of all places.”

the man chuckles along with her, and just like that, all his fears and worries melt away, falling from his mind until it becomes a distant memory and all that he’s left with is this moment, being with her and letting his heart run wild on the wings of fluttering crows. “are you busy right now?” he offers her, lifting one hand to show her the lemon cake he picked up before (he notices belatedly that the colour of it is yellow, a deep and vibrant yellow that makes his eyes hurt if he looks too long). when she glances down at his treat and noticed the label, her smile widens and lights up the room.

“no, not at all!” she answers cheerfully before her expression turns nervous, brows furrowing as she searched his expression. “would you... like to talk for a little? i’m not too certain how to do this whole soulmate thing and i won’t lie to you,” a sheepish chuckle falls from her lips as she rubs the back of her neck. “i’m not entirely sure what we’re supposed to do now.”

asahi understands exactly how she feels, and won’t deny the small bit of nervousness that lingers at the bottom of his heart, but for him the excitement and intense longing for the woman before him is nearly enough to push that feeling aside. it’s like the rush he used to feel before his matches in high school, like the feeling of needing to shout out in triumph when there’s a victory waiting for him on the other side of the net. and at the same time, it all feels like he’s come to the end of a long journey, where he finally reaches the oasis and can have his first sip of life-giving water. and so, he smiles down at her, showing to her his heart and everything he felt in that moment; it all climbs and soars into a crescendo as he sees everything he gives to her reflecting right back at him in deep and beautiful brown eyes.

“i don’t have a clue what we’re meant to do either,” he confesses breathlessly. it falls from his lips and slots into place like the missing piece of a puzzle. “but how about we take it slow? after all,”

the world around him shines brightly and sings with all sorts of colours. but his eyes can’t look away from hers.

“we’ve finally found each other.”

⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙

this is part of a series, so please send me an ask or dm if you’d like to be apart of a taglist! i’m currently taking request for haikyuu characters and soulmate au’s, so please come and leave your requests for those as well! so far i already have one planned for ushijima, but if you guys want to ask for anyone else please leave me requests in my ask box! thank you for reading! ♡

next stop: wakatoshi ushijima!

#haikyuu!! x reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!! x black reader #haikyuu x black reader #asahi azumane x reader #asahi azumane x black reader #haikyuu reader insert #black reader #haikyuu soulmate au #haikyuu x black!reader #asahi azumane #self indulgence at its finest #asahi azumane x you #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu!! soulmate au 💕✨

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novelconcepts · 2 years

Note

lol to the version of me that thought I had time to finish chapter 4 the weekend BEFORE Easter. Anyhow, here we go, once again in two parts to accommodate my ridiculous abundance of thoughts and feelings:

-“That’s how I like to remember her, in stories people can take home with them.” [long, happy sigh] Such a lovely way to be remembered. And such a faithful way to carry and pass on a legacy.

-“Too heavy, for a little girl. Too heavy, for a young woman who’s lived longer with a memory than a man.” Sometimes (all the time) I just want to give Dani Clayton a hug.

-“‘Magic is not the measure of a person’s soul, Dani Clayton.’” Man, I wish somebody had been there to teach Dani this before any other conception of it could even take root.

-“Dani pops Skittles and Sour Patch Kids and doesn’t worry, for the first time in her life, about setting aside the red ones in case Eddie’s pack is light.” I can see how this might be endearing in another context, but it’s just upsetting in light of Dani & Eddie’s entire relationship. Like there was literally NO tiny little thing Dani could do just as Dani Clayton, and not as half of Edmund-and-Danielle.

-"She wonders if there could ever be a middle ground between destruction and do-without, and her eyes slide to Jamie, and something embedded in the tips of her fingers seems to jolt to life." Uh-oh

-"If she shuts her eyes and listens, she can forget it all—and, she thinks, she can hear a kind of music in the rain. A natural, glorious song with a magic all its own, one open even to the likes of Dani Clayton." Listen, this is a lovely sentiment and all, but is that really Dani hearing music in the rain, or is it the inexorably-awakening Lady?

-“‘Do you—do you want to go?’ she asks in an unexpectedly small voice.” Oh, Jamie.

-“The world is clean just now in ways a person does not always get to taste.” Ooh, love this. Although I come at it a little differently, this feeling that you’ve arrived exactly where you’re meant to be is truly the most amazing thing.

-I don’t have a tattoo. Don’t want one for myself. But I am entranced by Jamie’s.

-“She doesn’t mean to touch the piano. She hasn’t even decided to touch the piano.”

Creeeeeeepy.

and a great cut point

Kat has feelings about ch. 4, part 2:

-I understand that this sudden ability at the piano is the Lady (or at least I assume so), and not really Dani, per se. But it also feels like a fitting coda (so to speak) to Dani’s whole post-breakup process of establishing for herself all the things that had just previously automatically flowed from Eddie—where she is, what she’s doing, who her social circle is, and now, music.

-The near-kiss is magnificently tantalizing, thank you. But I also really like this: “‘Didn’t feel up to letting Hannah take everything but my earrings?’ Something shivers across Jamie’s face, just for a second—something warm and glorious and terrifying in its intensity.” I mean, we’ve already made all the horny lesbian jokes about these two, but also: I love that Jamie scrupulously respects Dani’s boundaries—doesn’t want to overstep, tries so hard to be nothing more than what Dani needs in any given moment. But because she’s so restrained, I really love it when we (and Dani) get a dizzying glimpse of how much Jamie WANTS her (but sure, Dani, go ahead and tell yourself it’s the wine).

-I have a hard time squaring Dani’s conviction that words don’t work with Jamie with Jamie-the-Storyteller. Then again, if we assume that canon Jamie first latches on to the power of telling Dani’s story several years after her death, I guess it’s fair to assume that this Jamie—who, at least up to this point, notably doesn’t write lyrics—hasn’t come around on the power of words yet.

-The line you’ve woven through this with both Jamie and Dani watching Rebecca and Peter’s relationship deteriorate is really good. It’s especially poignant seeing it through Dani’s eyes—through the eyes of someone who has so recently lived the experience of staying too long in the wrong relationship and then abruptly realizing that she just can’t do it anymore.

-“Even Peter is gnawing at the side of his thumb—an anxiety tic, Dani recognizes, he must have picked up from her.” This is such a cool detail that really highlights the way these people have grown together, even in spite of themselves.

-Eddie’s parting words to Dani are a fascination—they’re foreboding because we know about the Lady, but Eddie really doesn’t. So I’m a lot clearer on what they mean in the context of the story than on what Eddie means by them.

Also, bye, Eddie. Can't say I'll miss this version of you.

I once again love going through these play-by-plays. The two things that really spring out to me that you’ve pointed out here--Dani’s belief that “words don’t work with Jamie” and Eddie’s parting words. The first is a nod to how little Jamie, in her youth, seems to process herself as a storyteller, or even someone who can build relationships with words. She uses her hands, she builds, she plants; when she’s angry, she threatens violence. In positive and negative regards both, Jamie leans into action, and doesn’t really seem to realize the power of her own words until much later in life. Framing her music as melody over lyric seemed to suit that.

As for Eddie--his parting words are intended to be a verbal slap, much like they are in canon (”Why are you doing this to me; you’ve done enough; fuck you, Danielle”). I don’t think they’re the things a man says because he means them deep down; I think they’re the things you say when you’re too shattered to feel anything else, when you’re the worst version of yourself out of pain. Eddie in this story was an interesting element because, unlike other AUs where he gets to live, but Dani gets distance from him after the breakup, he’s right there. For months after the breakup, they’re still living in cramped quarters. He gets no space at all to process the loss of this huge relationship (even if it was always unbalanced, it was still deeply important to him--and to her), and just gets to sulk deeper and deeper in those ugly feelings. What does a person become when they can’t get breathing room? What does that person become when there’s a nasty voice in their ear (Quint) egging them on? Or a nastier internal voice (in this case, magic) warping those feelings into something tangible? His parting shot is very much a nod to some part of him always feeling Dani was the girl to his man. I like to think there’s a time, much later, where they can meet again and all that time and space gives him the maturity needed to process. And to apologize. It’s what the canon version never got the chance to do.

#ask #kind writing words #fic talk #also jamie's tattoos are my favorite. i think i'm more married to this version than FWB even #but yeah! thank you for doing these. they make me so happy #some of the lines you've touched on here are some of my favorites in the whole thing #which is always so much fun

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2-cute-4-school · 4 years

Text

Vox in umbra

Group : NCT

Pairing : Huang Renjun x gn!Reader

Genre : angst, fluff

Word count : 8.2K words | M.list

Warnings : mentions of death, cursing

Summary : Inspired by the anime ‘Given’ | ‘ I’m willing to give you half of my heart to fill up your own.’

Renjun neared the bench he regularly occupied ever since he attended middle school. He deemed it the perfect spot, a corner of Heaven where he could rest his soul and body in the vast shadow of an oak tree that covered the seat. It was a safe spot where he could escape the hectic world he lived in and his friends’ weird antics that could become annoying from time to time. The isolated bench was namelessly his, his own cloud of comfortable silence. But now, an unknown figure occupied his spot, shuffling around awkwardly under the shade of the tree.

You shuffled in your seat clutching the guitar case close to your chest, the rough folds of the fabric digging into your thighs leaving red marks on your skin. Renjun’s steps, although faltering slightly, swiftly reached the side of the bench as he stared holes into the side of your head. Despite his obvious attempts at getting your attention, you didn’t pay him a single glance. He awkwardly cleared his throat, making your turn your head towards him and gaze up with a somewhat uninterested look.

“This is my spot.”

You looked around a bit at his words, shifting around. After a few moments of unsettling silence, you met his eyes once again with the same kind of look.

“I don’t see your name anywhere.”

Renjun sweat-dropped and he felt his upper lip lightly twitch upwards.

“Can I at least sit here too?”

Silently, you scooted over, leaving enough space for Renjun to sit at a comfortable distance away from you. You sat together, the soft breeze caressing your cheeks and making the grass graze your ankles. The uneasy atmosphere unnerved you, your habit of softly racking your nails along the surface of the case absentmindedly.

“Do you know how to play it?”

Renjun motioned with his head towards your guitar, regarding it with curious eyes. You hummed under your breath before shaking your head, a few rebellious strands of hair falling like a curtain in front of your face. Renjun tried to suppress a scoff at your answer.

“Then why do you carry it around?”

A beat of silence followed as you pondered over your thoughts.

“I broke it.”

“What do you mean you broke it?”

“I don’t know, it just happened.”

“Can I see?”

You nodded and eagerly unzipped the plain black case and Renjun noticed a teal sticker stuck on it spelling out the letter ‘J’, carefully pulling out the shiny instrument and stretching out your arms towards Renjun who stared in awe at the guitar, forgetting to ask you if your name started with a ‘J’. He believed he was experienced enough to be able to tell when a musical instrument was of high quality and the guitar he was entrusted with probably even exceeded Mark’s, his bandmate who had been obsessed with said instrument ever since he was a child, perfecting his skills over the years.

“I think this is more expensive than my entire existence.”

You merely shrugged at his statement, gazing worriedly at it. Getting over the initial shock, he lowered his gaze to find the problem, his eyes immediately zeroing on the snapped chord. He pinched it between his fingers and looked back at you.

“Is this the problem?”

You nodded, chewing on your lower lip. He chuckled at your useless scare.

“This can be repaired in a few minutes.”

Your eyes seemed to light up as they snapped up, locking with his as a hopeful look bloomed in them. The sudden eye contact brought a pink hue to Renjun’s cheeks and ears, making him advert his eyes anywhere else but at you.

“Can you fix it then?”

“No”

You deflated as quickly as you previously jumped up in your seat, lowering your gaze to the carpet of grass surrounding the bench you sat on.

“Please, I’ll pay you back.”

“It’s not about that. I don’t know how to and neither do I have any chords.”

“Oh”

He handed you the guitar and you put it back in its case, zipping it back up. Renjun regarded you as you dejectedly settled back in your spot, guilt pooling at the back of his mind. He tried to push back his thoughts and just settle for a few minutes of silence, but the waves of sadness rolling over from you and the sight of you slumped over like a kicked puppy drove him insane and burned through his heartstrings.

“Ah fine! Fine! I’ll help you, just stop looking like that!”

You flinched at his raised tone, your wide eyes racking over his standing stature as he fretted around.

“Excuse me?”

“I know someone who can fix your guitar right away, I can take you to him, but do you have any money on you?”

“Huh? Are you trying to rob me?”

“Yah, is this how you show your appreciation for me trying to help you? Fine, forget it. Good luck getting it fixed.”

You grabbed on his sleeve at his attempt to turn around and leave, moving the case with your guitar away and also standing up.

“Wait wait, I’m sorry. Please help me.”

You bowed your head, still gripping slightly on his sleeve. He huffed, crossing his arms over his chest.

“So? Do you have any money?”

“Oh, yeah, I do.”

“Good, we’ll make a stop on our way to buy some chords then. Can we go now?”

“Yeah yeah, sure.”

He turned around without a second glance and started to walk away. You scrambled to pick up the case and swing it over your back, slotting your arms through the handles and hurry to catch up to the boy. You walked side by side with him, taking the chance to properly study his face.

“You know, I’m not supposed to follow strangers.”

He craned his neck to face you at your words, smiling slightly at you, taking you by surprise at his change of mood. You were amazed by how a mere smile could change the entire way he looked, making you also soften at his open display of subtle cuteness.

“I’m Huang Renjun. Now that you know my name I’m not a stranger anymore, right?”

The corners of your mouth also twitched up and you averted your eyes in the opposite direction from him, taken aback by the intensity of his gaze, an indescribable passion burning alight in his bright orbs. You kicked a pebble on the sidewalk, following the way it rolled to the side.

“I guess.”

To say that Renjun was bewildered was an understatement as he watched you, whose name he only found out after Mark had asked you, curled up on the floor of their practice room with your newly fixed guitar in your lap. Your wide eyes stared as if in a trance at the way Mark’s fingers glided expertly along the chords of his own guitar, explanations and tips leaving his lips as you absorbed every word.

“Hey hey hey, I only brought you here so he could fix your guitar, not teach you everything he knows!”

Renjun’s frown deepened even more at the crestfallen expression you wore once you lifted your head to face him. Those kicked puppy eyes would be the death of him. He didn’t dare glance in your direction, fixing his glare on Mark.

“What’s got your panties in a twist, Renjunie?”

“I just- why are you wasting your time doing this?”

“I’m not wasting my time helping a passionate newbie.”

“We’re supposed to practice once Jaehyun and Chenle come back.”

That seemed to light up your eyes.

“Can I stay and watch?”

“Yes”

“No!”

You stared up at Renjun who still avoided your look, trying to stay firm.

“Please?”

He couldn’t. He had to be stronger than a pair of glassy eyes and a wobbly bottom lip. He was a man, a hardcore ice prince with a heart made of stone, there was no way a puppy face could make him melt and-

“Please sunbaenim?”

“Fuck, fine, but don’t get in our way or I’m throwing you out myself.”

“Yes, I promise you won’t even hear me breathe.”

“I really hope so.”

He waved his index finger at you as if tutting a young child. You nodded your head excitedly and Mark watched the encounter with fond eyes.

“Come on gramps, go easy my new pupil.”

Mark got up, motioning for you to also stand up and move to another corner of the stuffy room from where you could properly see all of the instruments. He laid Renjun’s jacket on the ground so you wouldn’t sit on the cold floor and if Renjun noticed it, he chose to stay quiet about it.

“Wait wait, new pupil? Are you serious, Mark?”

“Why are you so against this? It’s none of your business in the end.”

“I mean- I’m just- you know what? Fine, do whatever you want, I don’t care.”

Mark smirked victoriously just as Jaehyun and Chenle returned with water bottles and they started fixing their instruments for practice. Chenle noticed you sitting in the corner, watching them with wide curious eyes.

“Are you staying to watch us?”

You nodded, albeit a bit hesitant in case he or Jaehyun disliked the idea. At the sight of your nod, Chenle’s straight face broke into the widest grin you’ve ever seen, his shrill yells of excitement deafening everyone in the room as he bounced up and down. You also smiled at his open display of happiness at having someone watch them sing.

After Jaehyun and Renjun calmed an overjoyed Chenle, everyone took their position, Jaehyun at the drums, Chenle at the piano, Mark with his guitar slung over his neck and Renjun only warming up his vocals. Mark counted out loud for everyone and with that they started practicing.

You were astonished already when Mark played his guitar for you a little bit earlier. But what you felt when their music reached you was a sentiment that you couldn’t describe with words. It felt complete, like you finally pinpointed the missing piece of yourself you’ve been searching for your entire life. You felt your lost butterflies again.

You waited quietly until their break and as soon as they declared they would take a 10 minute break you sprung up, rushing over to Mark and startling both him and Renjun as you stumbled over your own feet in your spur of energy. You gripped Mark’s sleeve, gazing into his eyes with burning orbs, passion and determination seeping from them, taking all of the others aback.

“Teach me, please, I want nothing more but to learn how to sing.”

Mark chuckled, snapping out of his moment of bewilderment. He raised a hand to pat the top of your head. Renjun watched, still shocked, catching a glimpse of his old self in your voice, in the way your eyes sparkled brighter than the sky full of stars at the thoughts of creating music.

“You didn’t have to ask twice.”

That’s how you found yourself attending their practices as often as you could, spending any free moment both you and Mark could afford to teach you. Mark was a surprisingly good teacher when his explanations didn’t confine to just ‘go with your feeling’ and your devotion and will to learn as much as humanly possible assured you of a mostly smooth sail. Your progress in just a couple of months was admirable, exceeding even your own expectations, but Mark insisted you were akin to an undiscovered genius and an unpolished gem, even though Renjun always tried his best to find a small imperfection of yours to drag on and on about.

Despite your bickering with Renjun, or more like Renjun picking at any crumb of a mistake he could find, you two developed a habit of walking home together even though Renjun had to walk a bit more than he would usually have to after bringing you home. You also started spending your breaks together at school, mostly talking about music and their band in the comfort of the shade provided by the tree under which you first met months ago.

So it was no surprise when you decided to spend yet another evening in their stuffy practice room with your guitar in your lap and Mark guiding you through the chords. The rest of them were packing up, exhausted after hours of practicing, allowing you some extra learning time with Mark.

“You know, I didn’t expect you to last this long with him as a teacher.” Chenle prodded at you once you also got up to put your guitar back in its case.

“Hey, what do you mean by that?!”

“Yeah, you’d fit nicely in a band soon enough.” Jaehyun trailed off.

“What?” Renjun’s head snapped up, regarding his other band mates who all watched you knowingly. He could tell what they were trying to do and he didn’t know if he should protest or encourage the idea.

“Uh, thanks.”

At your answer the boys couldn’t help but share a somewhat confused look, before Mark cleared his throat.

“Sooo, what do you think?”

“Sorry, about what?”

Chenle couldn’t help but face palm. Were you really not getting their innuendos or was this your way of politely declining them? Renjun oddly hoped it was the first option.

“Jeez, are you really that slow? Do you want me to spell it out for them?”

You looked up at him, making him halt in his rampage of words. Blood rushed to his ears, reddening them at the sight of your confused eyes searching his for an answer that he chose to deliver. He waved a hand in front of his face, as if the fact that you flustered him with a mere look would simply vanish and gathered his thoughts once again.

“They’re asking you to join our band.”

You blinked faster as if waking yourself up from a daydream.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“That’s what I said.”

“Renjun, shut it! I mean, only if you want to, we can take things slow with you, but another guitarist wouldn’t hurt and your voice sounds nice from what I could catch so we could try some harmonization with Renjun, you know?” Mark’s rambling broke the awkward tension.

“Don’t you have a concert in like 2 months? There’s no way I can learn so many songs in so little time, I’ll only drag you down.”

“You don’t have to sing with us the entire time, just as much as you can learn until then and after that, you’ll have enough time to catch up.” Jaehyun reasoned with her, keeping a somewhat more straight face.

You looked up at Jaehyun. Their band had no real leader, but everyone went to him for advice or just when in need of a calm conversation. He was the band’s rock, everyone leaned on him when it came to decisions.

“Could I really?”

Your voice was small but hopeful, a reignited flame after a stormy night. Jaehyun’s dimples showed as his lips spread into a fatherly smile. He nodded firmly as they watched you lose yourself in a spiral of downright dizzying happiness. Renjun wondered if he’s ever felt so strongly about such a trivial matter as he watched in wonder as you let yourself free your emotions fully for the first time.

“We all agreed on it, didn’t we?”

“More or less.”

“Renjun!”

“Welcome to the family, rusty but warm.”

And warm did you feel the rest of the day. Not even the harsh night winds that ruffled your hair on your walk home could extinguish the rising flame lighting up your soul that reflected in your eyes your fierce desire to prove yourself worth to the boys that accepted you in their small family.

Renjun stared fondly at you from the corner of his eye, at the light skip in your steps as you held your chin high, showcasing a smile so sincere in outshone the moon. Your giddiness pulled at his heartstrings in an odd way, gazing contently at you like a crushing primary school girl. You slowed down your pace, making Renjun also stop beside you and meet your shiny eyes.

“Thank you, Renjun.”

“You shouldn’t thank me, I had little to no say in this.”

“Still, you could have insisted to kick me out.”

“I had no interest in kicking you out. Sure, you’re not nearly ready enough for concerts and what not, but there’s enough time to teach you. You’re worth every moment of extra practice.”

At his last sentence, you seemed to totally melt into a puddle of overflowing thankfulness. Your smile widened, revealing your gums and also softening Renjun’s whole demeanor. Your eyes almost closed, the muscles in your cheeks aching from how wide your smile was and Renjun couldn’t seem to avert his gaze away from the whiskers forming at the corners of your eyes.

Watching your innocent joy felt like a breath of fresh air after drowning for the longest time. Renjun felt his emotions flying unbound as he tied his happiness to you, he knew this moment would be burned into his soul. His hand reached up hesitatingly to lay on the crown of your head and caress you gently, carefully threading the tips of his fingers through strands of your hair. He felt right, in the right place, at his most heart fluttering time.

“Y/N? Is that really you?”

Renjun had never seen a smile die so fast and turn into shock and maybe fear. You both turned around, coming face to face with a boy, most likely around your age. His eyes were trained on you, never averting his eyes from you, disbelief seeping deeply into his eyes. Renjun could see your figure shaking, standing unsure on your legs like a deer caught into highlights.

“I just want to talk, Y/N, I’m sorry I never reached out to you after the funeral. I know it must have been even harder for you so please..”

Renjun’s confusion overflowed at the other’s remark.

“What? Y/N, who- Hey!”

Before he could even turn back to you, you sprinted away from them, running as fast as your legs could take you without looking back even once. He spluttered at the sight of your retreating back but he had no time to also spring into action as the boy wheezed past him, attempting to catch up to you. The boy could barely take a few strides before Renjun gripped the back of his collar, rendering him to a sudden stop.

“Hey! Let go, asshole!”

“Where do you think you’re going, Y/N for sure doesn’t want to see you.”

The boy swiftly faced Renjun, eyes ablaze with frustration and stepped up close to him in hopes of intimidating him.

“What do you know? I need to talk to Y/N.”

“Well, they don’t want to so fuck off.”

“Who do you think you are?”

Renjun took a deep breath to contain his rising fury. He didn’t know who this boy was and he could only think about your frightened stance.

“Her friend from whom she definitely wouldn’t run away from. I think I’m the one who should ask about who you are.”

“Hah, name’s Jaemin. I’m Y/N’s childhood friend, no need to apologize, you must have not recognized me.”

“Never heard of you.”

“So mean!”

While Jaemin whined about you never telling Renjun about him, Renjun ran Jaemin’s earlier pleas for you over in his head. He frowned before interrupting Jaemin’s rambling.

“What did you mean by funeral?”

Jaemin straightened up at his question, all hints of childishness gone from his face. He sighed deeply, meeting Renjun’s eyes with an icy expression and worry seemed so seep even deeper into Renjun’s bones.

“You really don’t know anything, do you?”

Renjun didn’t say anything, just stared pointedly at Jaemin, waiting for an explanation to clear the fog clouding his thoughts. Jaemin’s gaze seemed to get lost, looking through Renjun with a straight face.

“I don’t think it’s my place to talk to you about this.” his eyes flickered to the guitar enclosed in the case slung over Renjun’s back “Are you in a band? Is Y/N in it too? Like playing the guitar and everything?”

“Oh, um, yeah, we were coming home from practice.”

Jaemin scoffed but there was no real malice in his reaction. Actually, a small smile slipped on his lips. His dreamy eyes sparkled knowingly.

“That’s Y/N for you, taking one’s words to heart.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

“Look, uh...”

“Renjun”

“Look, Ronjeon, why don’t you ask Y/N directly? I have no right spilling their life story to a stranger.”

“It’s Renjun. And I’m not a stranger, we’re band mates,” he paused for a moment “we’re friends.”

“Still not my place, sorry. Talk to them on your own if you’re really friends. And put in a good word for me, I just want to talk for a bit, clear up a few things, apologize and maybe gain my friend back.”

All playfulness vanished in that moment, a suffocating atmosphere taking its place and only raising more question marks for Renjun.

“Anyway, I’ll see you around, Ronjeon.”

“It’s Renjun for God’s sake!”

Renjun watched Jaemin’s retreating back helplessly. Snapping out of his confused daze, he quickly fished in his pocket for his phone, searching for your contact and dialing it. He felt his breath getting stuck in his throat with every ring that passed unanswered, until your voice mail connected. He considered trying again, but decided against bothering you further that night and waited for the next day in order to talk to you.

But getting a hang of you seemed almost impossible. You were never in your class when he came by, nor were you by the bench where you used to hang out. He always searched the cafeteria for you during lunch break and scanned the school yard every time he passed through it. You even missed a couple of practices with an apology texted to Jaehyun saying that you simply weren’t feeling well and that you would practice on your own at home.

Renjun felt helpless. He feared that whatever relationship you had was barely hanging on a thread, but he couldn’t just drop the matter. If it affected you that bad he though you might need someone to talk to. and he wanted to be that someone, he wanted to be the person you could come to without fear of being judged, the one you could freely talk to. He wanted to be there for you.

So when you finally started coming back to practice, he watched you from the sidelines too afraid to crowd you, but at the same time impatient to get to talk to you.

“Y/N.”

Your head snapped up at Jaehyun’s voice. He looked at you expectantly and you put your guitar down to walk up to him as he waited beside the door. The rest of the boys locked eyes, sharing worried looks.

“Let’s go out for a little.”

Your blood froze in your veins. Was he going to kick you out for your absence? Or just scold you? Despite your growing confusion, you stepped outside,, following Jaehyun. He leaned against a wall, watching as you shifted your weight from one foot to the other and fiddling with the sleeve of your sweater.

“Relax, Y/N, I didn’t call you out to argue with you.”

“Oh...right.” You still didn’t seem convinced.

“First of all, I want you to write some lyrics. It’s something each of us has done when we joined the band.”

“About what?”

“Whatever you want, whatever you feel. Just let your words flow.”

You watched him, hoping for more indications, but none came. You nodded a bit unsure of yourself.”

“I’ll try my best.”

“Good.”

You waited for Jaehyun to continue, you knew this wasn’t the end to your conversation. He wouldn’t have pulled you out just for this. The silence pressed you and you collapsed under the pressure of guilt.

“I’m sorry, I know I should work the hardest out of everyone here yet I’m the one missing practices. I promise I’ll work harder, please let me stay.”

He stayed silent for a moment before he chuckled, reaching out to pat your shoulder comfortingly.

“It’s alright, I just wanted to check on you. Renjun has been really restless, you know?”

You lowered your gaze ashamed.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. Look, I don’t know what happened and neither am I expecting you to spill your past and secrets to me. But Renjun cares about you a lot, in a different way from me and Chenle and Mark. I just wanted you to know that.”

Jaehyun’s words left you speechless. Sure, you and Renjun had gotten a lot closer in the past months and you trusted each other just as much as you enjoyed to tease each other. Spoiler alert, that’s a lot. But never have you thought of Renjun in a different way from a precious friend. It felt like a betrayal, a lack of loyalty from your side so how could you admit your growing feelings without tearing yourself apart? But now that you took a moment to think about it, he was the only one who managed to reignite the fire at the bottom of your stomach. Could Renjun be the one to break your promise to yourself and make your heart beat unruly again?

“I...I care about him too.”

Your words were vague, not making it clear if you cared for Renjun more than a friend should. Jaehyun pushed himself away from the wall, standing up to his full weight and showing you a soft dimpled smile.

“Good. I want what’s best for both of you. Talk to each other, let him know you value him, whether if that’s as a friend or something else. Life is too short to let things go by you without cherishing them.”

His last sentence left you shell shocked. It felt so close to your heart. You never considered the way life can flash before your eyes and watch something you once considered to be in the palm of your hand vanish with the retreat of an ocean wave.

“Come on, I don’t trust Renjun and Chenle alone in a practice room surrounded by expensive equipment.”

You rushed to him as he waited for you while holding the door. You let giggles spill past your lips, knowing that no matter how dark the world seemed, maybe you were not truly alone.

“Hey, Renjun, are we walking home together?”

His hand froze on his neck, gripping harder onto the bunch of tissues he used to wipe the beads of sweat rolling down his neck. Everyone pushed themselves to their limits during practice, the atmosphere becoming intense and fast paced and the confinement of the room didn’t help with the rising temperature.

“Uh, yeah, sure.”

You exchanged a few more words with Mark, who was hellbent on taking you under his wing and teaching you everything he knew. You were so thankful to him for his advice you often didn’t even know how to show it. So the least you could do was pay attention to his every word and try your best to show him your best progress. After packing up everything you bid goodbye to your other band mates and followed Renjun out.

The night air was chilly, but you let it embrace you, grateful for a breath of fresh air. The streets were quite empty, only a few hurried students rushing home and adults with bags full of groceries, yet it didn’t concern you. If anything, you preferred the serene atmosphere the starry night emanated. Yet you knew you had to break the comfortable silence eventually.

“This isn’t my guitar.”

Renjun’s face tried to stay impassive, but the confusion laced onto his features couldn’t be easily concealed.

“Did you...Did you steal it?”

“Yeah, from a homeless blind old man.”

Renjun halted suddenly at your serious tone, his gaze boring through you. You also stared at him, maintaining your serious expression for a couple more moments before your face also morphed into confusion.

“You know I was joking, right?”

At that, Renjun broke into awkward and forced chuckles, bringing a hand up to the nape of his neck and rubbing it in embarrassment. He resumed his walking with you beside him.

“Pfft, yeah, of course I knew, haha, yeah”

“You were reconsidering my sanity and our friendship, weren’t you?”

“Yeah, I was.”

It was silent for a while before Renjun sorted out his thoughts again.

“So whose is it?”

You tried to hide the deep breath you felt the need to take. You promised yourself you wouldn’t back out no matter what, but when confronted with a question that needed an answer everything felt so much more real. Suddenly everything you worked hard to bury in the deepest drawers of your memories surfaced and brought up the feeling you wanted to avoid the most. But this was Renjun, the first person to approach you after you lost everything without any hesitance. You owed him the truth.

“It was my boyfriend’s.”

Renjun felt his heart fall to the pit of his stomach. Restlessness pooled at the strings of his heart making his hands clench into fists, but he couldn’t react in anyway. In the end, he was nothing but your friend, he was only supposed to support and listen to your concerns and he would be damned if he couldn’t even do that.

“Oh” his tongue felt heavy in his mouth and words had to be ripped from between his lips “did he give it to you?”

“His mom gave it to me.”

Now he didn’t know what to think anymore. But he was sure of one thing, he could feel the tension and anxiety rolling off of you in bitter waves.

“His mom gave you his guitar?”

“Yeah.”

He tried to piece things together but he couldn’t come up with much.

“Did his name start with a ‘J’?”

“Yeah, his name was Jeno. Remember the kid we met a while ago? That’s Jaemin, they were best friends.”

Your poor attempt at explaining your reaction at the time still didn’t make sense entirely in Renjun’s head until he rolled over your words in his head. He suddenly turned somber, not knowing how to phrase his next question.

“Was? Were?”

It took you a moment to push the words out through gritted teeth.

“He’s gone.”

“Gone as in...”

“Gone as in dead, yes.”

Renjun stumbled then. The once comfortable silence turned tense and suffocating, squeezing the pieces of your shattered heart with every ounce of strength left in willpower. Renjun tried to catch a glimpse of your face in an attempt to decipher your feeling even in the slightest, but even when he laid a gentle hand on your shoulder you refused to slow down or raise your head from behind the curtain of hair that fell over your eyes.

“Y/N”

You kept on walking, Renjun dragging himself after you.

“Y/N, stop, please.”

Still no response. His worry toppled over, confusion and distress making him lose his composure. His fingers tightened on your shoulder, yanking you to face him and halting you in your steps.

“Fucking talk to me, Y/N!”

“I don’t know what else to tell you, okay? That I loved him more than I thought loving was possible? That I thought there would never be an end to what we had? That the moment I lost him I also lost all the love I had to ever give? That despite my promise to myself to not allow myself to lose more that I have already I still let you get to me?”

“Get to you?”

“I care about you, you idiot! I value you more than I value what’s left of my feelings!”

Renjun, who listened crestfallen, was snapped out of his stupor by your exasperated retort to his question. You forced your head away from him, avoiding his prodding eyes while Renjun tried to turn you to face him almost desperately.

“I care about you too, Y/N.”

To his surprise you shook your head, shrinking into yourself.

“No, it’s better that you don’t.”

“Jesus, Y/N, you can’t just tell me to stop.”

“I can’t do this, please let go.”

Renjun’s heart was beating crazily, unable to express his turmoil with words while also keeping his composure. The hand that wasn’t gripping you firmly shook with caged emotions that threatened to overflow and spill unstoppable past his lips.

“How long are you going to deprive yourself of happiness, huh? How long are you going to keep yourself hung upon your past lover when you have your entire life ahead of you?”

His words finally got a reaction out of you, although not one he wished to. Your orbs locked onto his, burning with a withheld rage and maybe passion without shying away in the slightest. You ripped yourself out of his hold forcefully, stepping back from him without breaking eye contact, instinctively reaching a hand back to touch the guitar that hung in it’s case.

“You don’t get it, Renjun, you can’t!” Your voice softened, a swirl of emotions glistening on the surface of your eyes “I’m carrying his dream on my back and he’s carrying half of my heart with him six feet under.”

Your display of vulnerability locked Renjun’s mouth. He regarded you conflicted over his choice of words. You seemed lost, confused at the way you itched to let yourself voice out your pain, your suffering, your longing for something that won’t return but at the same time called for a revival of the spring screaming to break free in your soul.

You felt warmth enveloping you, blocking the chilling wind that swiped across your flushed cheeks, a gentle, cautious hand sneaking its way into the strands of hair at the back of your head and guiding your head to rest against a welcoming shoulder. Renjun made you feel safe, he reignited a flame, but not one that threatened to burn you down. He gave life to a flame that offered you security and the feeling of a newfound home. At the sound of his soft voice, you knew the dice have been already thrown.

“I’m willing to give you half of my heart to fill up your own.”

“Renjun!”

He turned to you, smiling confusedly at your slightly reddened face. He assumed it might have been the forever stuffy air of the cramped practice room. The show was the following day and so you all spent all of your free time together, hours after hours of practicing. You and Renjun were closer than ever even though the heated talk of that night remained unfinished. You two had a silent agreement to focus on the show for now rather than your personal problems, but that didn’t stop you from leaning on each other more than before.

“Uh, here.”

You stretched out your arm in front of him, fingers clasped over a sheet of paper. Renjun skimmed over it once he took it from you, recognizing your handwriting. His eyes widened once he realized what exactly you handed him.

“I know it’s out of the blue and just one day before the show and in no way do I expect it to be used even though the instrumental for this song is finished, at least not tomorrow. I just thought you would like to look over it and just- I don’t know what I’m saying.”

“It’s alright, Y/N. I’m happy you decided to write them, you never said anything about how it’s going with your lyrics so I assumed you weren’t working on them yet.”

“Oh, I..well...uh, yeah, well they’re done. I think, yeah.”

He chuckled at your awkwardness before you scrambled to continue packing your things and go home with him. Renjun raked his eyes over the scribbled title of the song and smiled dreamily as he ran his thumb over the ink.

Half of my voice

Your nerves have been on edge the entire day, feeling the blood rushing through your veins first thing in the morning and keeping you wide awake and overexcited the entire time. Thankfully the show took place on a Saturday so you didn’t have to sit through an entire day of school, bored out of your mind and bouncing in your seat at the thought of the evening that was to come.

You and your band mates met up in the lobby of the local that hosted the small concert hours before the start. You were instructed about the schedule and everything and Jaehyun stayed behind to talk to the owner with whom he seemed to already be friends with. You scrambled around, jumping up and down in a poor attempt to keep your excitement under control.

“Y/N. Y/N!”

“I should practice a bit more, shouldn’t I? Where did I put my guitar? What if my chords snap? What if-”

Mark’s hand settled on the nape of your neck, pinning you in your place. His face tried to stay firm but he just couldn’t help the fatherly smile slipping on his lips. Your wide eyes stared at him, questioning him.

“Please stop running around, you’re making us nervous too. Also don’t you dare touch that guitar until I tell you to, you’ve practiced enough.”

“But, but-”

“Y/N.”

You huffed, your lips forming a pout unconsciously which made Mark sigh. He knew practicing in the last moment could do more harm than good, but your kicked puppy face made him falter in his attempt to play the leader role with you. Renjun’s light laugh echoed in the backstage room as he approached you and cupped your face with one hand, squeezing your cheeks together and only deepening the pout of your lips. You furrowed your eyebrows together, watching his smug face carefully.

“Be confident in yourself, Y/N~! We all trust that you’ll give the best of you and knock everyone off their feet so trust yourself too.”

You felt warmth spread across your face and you ripped yourself away from his grip before he could tease your flustered state.

“Fine.”

You tried to look unbothered at Renjun’s action but everyone could sense your cute uneasiness as you turned your back to him and trudged towards Chenle who watched the exchange, amusement dancing in your eyes. Chenle stretched an arm out to ruffle your hair before slinging it over your shoulders to bring you closer and show you some game he was playing on his phone.

Jaehyun returned soon after, looking quite relaxed as he announced the start of the concert.

“The first band will play for about 30 minutes and then we’re up so take this time to make sure everything is good. Oh and Y/N, someone’s looking for you, I told him to wait in the lobby.”

“For me? Who?”

“Dunno, he looks around your age. Go, but don’t take long.”

You had an idea about who it might be and the mere thought of facing him made you hesitate to exit the safety of the current room. A hand slightly nudged you forward and as you looked back Renjun’s encouraging gaze gave you a sudden bravery to face him. You had to eventually so why not get it off your chest now? You trusted that Renjun would be here waiting for you once you returned, assuring you everything would be alright.

You nodded, more to yourself that to the others and left the room with your head held high. Just like Jaehyun said, Jaemin was waiting for you in the lobby, shifting from one foot to the other as he stayed glued with his back to the wall. You strode towards him, locking eyes with him once you stopped in front of him. It was silent for an awkward moment before Jaemin cleared his throat.

“Um, hi, Y/N.”

“Hi.”

“Sooo, you’re in a band.”

You nodded in return.

“And you’re playing tonight.”

“Seems so.”

“Huh. How the tables have turned, am I right?”

You recoiled at his words and at your self protective stance he seemed to recollect his choice of words.

“Wait! I didn’t mean it in a bad way! I’m sorry if it seemed like that. It’s just, he would be proud of you, I’m sure. And I am too.”

“Jaemin.”

“Yeah, yeah, sorry. I just wanted to, you know, apologize. I’m sorry for not reaching back to you when you needed me the most. I’m really sorry, I was just in a very wrong mindset, I was looking for someone to blame for his death.”

“So you thought that I was the best choice?”

“No,Y/N!”

“It’s okay, I get it. I blamed myself too. After all, I let him leave my house when it was so late at night and raining. If i insisted for him to stay the night, he would be-”

“Stop, Y/N! There was no way you could have known this was going to happen, okay? No one blames you. No one, not me, not Jeno’s family and I know for sure Jeno himself would never blame you. So what I wanted to tell you is that it’s time you stop blaming yourself.”

“I...Jaemin, I just...”

“I know, I know that my words are a tad too late, that you spent all this time blaming yourself for something completely out of your power. But I wanted to let you know that no one thinks you’re at fault. And that you need to let go of him and live your life. Jeno loved you so much and that’s exactly why instead of wasting your life away, you should live and love for him.”

Your walls just shattered at his words as you slotted yourself against his familiar hold, his protective arms caging you against his chest and holding you the way he used to ever since you were children. And weirdly, you could feel Jeno’s arms around you too, bidding you goodbye and cutting off the painful longing for forgiveness you held in your heart. You finally felt free, you felt ready to love again.

You let Jaemin go, straightening up and wiping your cheeks of leftover tears that you didn’t even notice before. Jaemin also tried to subtly swipe his sleeve over the corners of his eyes to hide his emotional state and you didn’t comment on it.

“Thank you, Jaemin.”

His bright smile showed itself as he patted your shoulder and pushed you towards the room you came out of.

“Hush, why would you thank me? Now go and make us proud! Hurry!’

And you just knew what he meant by ‘we’, which only widened your smile. As expected, Renjun waited for you, meeting your eyes as soon as you came through the door, his understanding gaze melting you even further. He understood, he was there for you and that only spurred you even further to break your self made cage.

“Just in time, we have to go up soon. Remember, Y/N, after our new song the lights will go off for long enough for you to leave the stage, okay?”

You nodded. You would only sing with the guys for half of their time on the stage since you didn’t have enough time to learn all of their older songs. As you moved to stand beside the entrance on the stage, Renjun gripped your hand, guiding you to look at him.

“I’m here for you.”

You know he didn’t only mean it for the concert. And you also knew Renjun would be the one to whole your heart once again. You were more than ready to face everything as long as you had him by you. As if he could hear your thoughts, he squeezed your hand. That was the thing about Renjun, he was your voice but he needed no words.

“Okay, let’s rock it!”

Jaehyun led you all on stage, readying everything. As the lights turned on again, you felt life surging through you, you felt alive. You finally understood Jeno’s endless words about the inexplicable sensation he felt on stage. You felt in a world of your own, surrounded by your friends, by people you could trust, by people who admired you. Your fingers glided along the chords as if pressing on your own heartstrings, following a familiar and comforting path that tickled your ears and ignited the butterflies in your stomach to come to life stronger than ever.

At that moment you decided you loved playing the guitar, you loved music, you loved your band mates, you loved your life.

You didn’t even feel the way the songs you played flew by you, nearing your final song. This song felt like home to you, a weird start to the rest of your life. But as the first tunes of the melody rolled by, Renjun’s voice echoed in the microphone and across the local.

The words you spent nights tying together on a piece of paper rolled off Renjun’s tongue as if coming straight from your heart. They felt real, an intimate confession shared between lovers caressed by the moonlight while standing on an empty street. You felt as if you heard them for the first time, as if he whispered them to you while holding each other, wrapped up in your own world, away from the blinding lights and prying eyes right there, in the shade of the oak tree where you met. And as the song came to an end, your tearful words were finally voiced out by your newfound light.

You’re my long lost wordless voice

The one who gave me a choice

Who drifts with the echoes of my laugh

My only other half

The lights went off just as they were supposed to, allowing you enough time to scurry backstage breathless while the public erupted into loud cheers, clapping and cheering overtaking the room. But you didn’t retreat, you couldn’t control yourself anymore, the adrenaline and heart clenching emotions getting a hold of you.

You took confident strides forwards where Renjun regulated his breath, stepping back a bit from the microphone. You slid the guitar to rest sideways on your hip and gripped Renjun’s shoulder with a hand, your other one resting on the nape of his neck.

“Y/N, what-”

You didn’t allow him to finish his sentence as you pulled his head down and slotted your lips against his. He melted against you, kissing you back with as much fervor as you did, putting all of your buried feelings in it. You couldn’t seem to get enough of each other, getting lost in the addictive closure you both allowed yourself to savor. You barely acknowledged the lights coming back on. What snapped you out of your daze was rather the intensifying yells that came from the public that had to witness your intimate moment.

You broke away from him as if lightning struck you. The public seemed to enjoy the free melodramatic moment, teasing the both of you to not mind them. While you wished for the floor to split and swallow you whole in embarrassment, Renjun seemed rather smug considering the situation. He turned towards you, the hand on your waist tightening.

“Well, if our dear public is asking-”

“Thank you!”

You ripped yourself away from him, bowing deeply and sprinting backstage, leaving behind a flabbergasted Renjun and a slightly disappointed public. You slapped your already red cheeks as if to wake yourself up.

‘Did I just make out with Renjun? And on stage in front of 200 people on top of that?! I must be crazy, you’re out of your mind Y/N Y/LN!’

Despite your self reprimanding you couldn’t fight off the proud smile slithering onto your face. You kissed Renjun. And he kissed you back. You allowed yourself to be happy and he wished to teach you how. He was willing to teach you how to love again.

The guys continued their stage, acclaimed by the public like never before as you watched them proudly from behind. Once the end of their segment came, Renjun was the first one to bolt backstage after thanking your listeners. He rushed away from the prying eyes to meet you who waited for him with the widest smile you could muster.

Renjun knocked into you, wrapping his arms around you and lifting you off your feet to swirl you around with such a childish laugh. He captured your lips in another kiss, this one rather light-hearted and innocent making you feel like a dandelion swiped in the gentle spring breeze.

“Okay, okay, we get it, you like each other, don’t stick it in our faces.”

Renjun lowered you slowly and you averted your eyes to the floor shyly at Chenle’s teasing words and the others’ amused stares. But Renjun didn’t back down and neither did he remove his arms away from you. If anything, his grip tightened, his thumb tracing patters into the fabric covered skin of your hips.

“Shut up, big head, you’re only jealous. And I don’t like her.”

You lifted your gaze, meeting Renjun’s glazed over eyes. They had a glint in them, a sparkle of relief and something else.

“I don’t like her. I love her.”

You smiled a bit bashfully back, silently telling him the feelings were reciprocated but the audience wasn’t helping you with your timidness. But Renjun understood you, as he always did, wordlessly, just a shared look and bonded souls. And you finally understood yourself too.

Jeno was a fading echo. Renjun was your newfound voice.

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requiem626k · 3 years

Note

Hello my dear Req, I'm here again to ask for some classical music you could recommend me🤭 Usually I would ask for piano music, but I've been in the mood for one with a harp in it lately! And I know you're busy with school and all that so please take your time hehe. And take care🥰

Hello there, my dearest Kat ❤️! I’d be so delighted to recommend you more pieces, it makes my little heart so happy that you’re interested in them 🥺💕

I hope you’ll like my selection! I tried to include variety in terms of vibes, nationalities and eras this time (Austrian-Classical, Russian-Romantic and French-19th century), instead of sticking to a single man 🤭 I’ll try to keep it short and simple (no that’s a lie, I won’t be able to 😶)

And thank you so much for your consideration, things have been pretty busy for me indeed so I’m sorry for the extremely late post 😖 And I know that uni is soon starting for you, so likewise, please take your time to listen to the pieces <3

That being said, let’s start~

Mozart - Als Luise die Briefe ihres ungetreuen Liebhabers verbrannte

Of course, it wouldn’t be Req’s post if it didn’t start off with Mozart. This is a short lied like Das Veilchen (the one that I previously shared), the title is long haha and it means “As Luise Was Burning the Letters of Her Unfaithful Lover”. As you can guess from its name, this is really, REALLY dramatic. It’s in c minor, a tonality that Mozart doesn’t use so often (but when he does, oh boy, see his Great Mass in c minor 🤤) but which is perfect for its fierce mood. Also it’s fairly special for me because we used to sing this in our music theory classes haha, I would play the piano accompaniment while practicing with the classmates before every oral exam.

I truly adore this lied. The lyrics are once again taken from a poem, a poem of Gabriele von Baumberg, she apparently wrote it at a very young age (18 or so).

My heart melts at 00.34 omg, that soft “melancholie” and the silence that comes after 🥺… It’s truly one of those silences that make you agree with Mozart’s quote:

The music is not in the notes, but in the silence between.

Then, it takes a cheerful turn (he just can’t refrain from putting happy sprinkles 🤭) until the strong chord at 00.49.

I think the section that starts at 01.00 is so worthy of being noted, I love love LOVE the suspense and tension that the piano accompaniment creates and that finishes with a strong build-up.

And the chord at 01.32… I leave my heart there. It just has me so soft. It’s so bittersweet, Mozart for some reason repeats the phrase “May smoulder long yet in my heart.” twice at the end and it’s just- 🥺

As always, he knows so well what word must be cited with what emotion, and chooses carefully his chords and functions. I just love it, and wanted to share since you had liked the previous lied 🤭

Rachmaninoff - Piano Concerto No. 2

*inhale* This one’s gonna be long, I can feel it.

I have literally SO MANY things to say about this one.

Rachmaninoff is a famous Russian composer that you might have heard of. He’s part of the Romantic Era which is, to simplify, about pouring your emotions and the turmoils in your life into your art and depicting feelings instead of trying to stick to certain rules and ‘holy’ virtues, of which we had already talked about a bit hehe.

And this piece… Oh my. You’ll see how different this concerto is compared to the Mozart ones we listened to previously. His second piano concerto corresponds to a depressive episode of his, due to his works not having a big success and being criticised so harshly. This beautiful piece is his comeback work, and you can just feel the inner conflicts, the emotional tornado he had at that period. With Mozart’s concertos, your soul is purified, they softly caress your insides and comfort you. But here, Rachmaninoff takes your emotions, and he proceeds to crush it. He plays with it, throws it, abuses it, you sob and sob and sob. At least I do 😭.

First movement

One can perfectly sense the dark pessimism in the first, silent, dangerous chord. As the 8 chords come one after another, every single one stronger than the previous, you’re on your toes and the tension increases until finally hearing the main theme through violins at 00.43. Listen to that theme very well. It’s so beautiful, so so moving, the piano section creates a fierce, dangerous background and I always get goosebumps when the violins come in.

Then, at 02.30, the second main theme is heard through the piano, pay attention to that! You will encounter it under various forms through the movement 🤭 It’s much softer compared to the first, ominous theme, it creates a beautiful contrast.

I want to note down the beautiful oboe-piano duet in 04.14 🥺. I adore oboes, it has a really beautiful and soft vibe, and here its melody is just so bittersweet when combined with the piano’s accompaniment. Then at 04.35, the piano starts playing a really soft phrase, the soft touch at that high note at 04.46, oh my God my heart. I have a feeling that you’ll adore that part 🥺 I want to note down literally every second omg

At 05.22, it turns once again really quiet and ominous, foreshadowing a big outburst through a build-up. The flutes play a big role in that aura through their short but dangerous phrases.

I especially adore the part at 06.17 in this pre-outburst section, it’s reminds me of a wave of emotions that keep hitting you and stepping back, only to strike even harder afterwards. The flutes in the background reinforce this vibe. The tension gets higher and higher at 06.36 (omg I’ll faint I love this part, I’m trembling while listening to it and trying to write this at the same time, I can’t keep up with my thoughts aaa) through the constant mutual escalation of both the piano and the orchestra. THE BEAUTY OF THE BUILD-UP PLEASE I WILL LOSE MY MIND.

And all this preparation was for the beautifully passionate part at 07.02. Rachmaninoff notes down “Alla Marcia”, meaning it should be played like a march, and its rhythmic features most certainly have that vibe. It’s just so majestic, so pompous, so raw, I love love LOVE it. It’s almost like you’re swooning in euphoria after having an emotional build-up and breakdown, it’s just- it’s something else that I can’t even describe. I just don’t have the right words for it.

I know that the piano’s melody is so alluring and enchanting there, but maybe in a second listen, I’ll want you to pay attention to the violin part during the march section 👀 Can you hear the very first theme that was introduced at the very beginning of the movement? Rachmaninoff was a total genius to put it in the background and make it fit so well. I always hesitate between paying attention to violins or piano, I end up rewinding it every single time 😖 It’s soo good.

After the euphoric section, the second theme comes again. A thing that’s worth noting down is the flute’s beautiful addition at 07.53, it’s in the background but it just makes my heart melt. I also always get goosebumps at the few ominous, sinister seconds that starts at 09.17 😳

Then it goes pretty quietly until the ending hehe, like a calmness after storm 😌 This piece is a total emotional rollercoaster, I swear. At 11.01, I love the playfulness of the piano section, it’s just so mischievous like a little naughty kitten. Then it picks up the pace, and ends with three strong beats.

Ugh. 🦋🦋🦋

Second movement

(meme credit goes to @/pianoomemes on Instagram)

This meme says it all. I don’t even need to add anything else. As you know by now, the second movements are meant to create a sharp contrast with the first one’s mood, and 🥺😭.

The main melody… It has my heart. The movement starts with a soft piano-flute introduction, and the ethereal main theme is heard at 12.56 through an oboe.

I don’t really any other commentary to do on this heavenly movement. Just let yourself in its embrace without any technical/guiding worries <3

(Though I feel obliged to add that the part that truly has me in this movement is 22.17 🥺. It’s just so moving and sweet ahh, it just takes you away, it almost has a sentiment of longing I feel, I always have a drop of tear forming in my eyes at that part.)

Third movement

The third movement is a usual, playful, jokester movement hehe. It’s a general pattern for final movements as you might have noticed, even though this one’s not written under a Rondo form. It’s rare that I say this, but I feel like this final movement is as charming as the second one for me 🤭 (No movement surpasses the first movement though, personally of course~)

The theme that starts at 25.51 through violins is so so charismatic, it almost always flusters me 😳✨.

Then he naughtily plays around with themes, modulations and instruments haha, I’ll leave the commentary at that and leave you once again alone with the movement itself 😌

(The majestic comeback of the charismatic theme at 34.09 though 😳! I’m *this* close to thirsting over a theme omg it’s MESMERISING I want to cry.)

Fauré - Cantique de Jean Racine, Op. 11

And finally, to fulfil your wish 💕, here’s a piece from Fauré where you can hear one of the most beautiful usages of harp in a work, in my opinion.

Even though it’s a religious work, its lyrics are in French. Fauré is a French composer from late 19th century, and even though he’s not that well-known among the media he’s a really unique composer that we can’t even classify in a certain movement. He’s from the same era as the French Impressionists such as Debussy or Ravel, but his style is much more different than theirs. He even has his own unique chord chain etc. that we use the term “fauréen” in harmony classes. But anyways, onto the piece 🤭

I really have no proper words to describe how heavenly, ethereal, poetic, incredible, awe-inspiring and soft this piece is. Like oh my God. I feel my heart melting into a puddle and tear up every time I listen to it. I just can’t bring myself to believe that he was only 19 when he composed this for a competition, if my memory doesn’t deceive me.

The beginning with the orchestra and harp is making a truly beautiful beginning, and the first moment that I want to talk about is 01.09, it always gives me goosebumps when the sopranos come in on the background that the basses and tenors had created.

At 02.00, there’s a soft oboe that comes in for a few seconds and only plays four notes, do you hear it? Those four notes can have my heart 🥺. It’s so beautiful omg. It’s crazy how the littlest touch could make such big of a difference. He could’ve easily not put it there, but he did and that’s what makes a good composer.

The “que tout l’enfer” at 02.24 is so fierce, so mad, “enfer” means “hell” and Fauré really accentuated its meaning, I love it.

And when the piece comes to the ending, at 04.14, a soft flute plays the beginning of the main theme for the first time I believe, which is a really enchanting change for the ear.

And the ending is just so, so soft like the whole piece, I truly can’t. The main melody is just so beautiful, and he truly did an impeccable job with mixing all the voices, the orchestra and the beautiful harp together. I just turn into a soft, soft bubble made out of cotton every time I listen to this.

Ahh this was a long ride, I truly hope you enjoyed the pieces, my beloved! I wasn’t sure which style or composers you would like the most, I guess we’ll try and see 😳❤️

Just for the sake of archiving them, I’ll also add the links of the beautiful pieces we discussed on Discord.

Fauré - Barcarolle no. 1 (Fauré brainrot is strong with me nowadays haha)

Mendelssohn - Etude no. 1 op. 104b (I feel like you’d love his A Midsummer Night’s Dream overture ngl, because Shakespeare 😳 I didn’t add it here though since it doesn’t contain piano or harp)

#Kat🦋#my beloved Kat💐#i hope you’re doing fine Kat <3 mwah #i wrote so much aaa i hope you don’t mind 😳 it’s only 3 pieces i swear i did my best not to overwhelm you haha #req’s classical music brainrot

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poc-movie-supremacy · 4 years

Text

Family Traditions

@mousemadej

HEHEHE MERRY CHRISTMAS MAXIE I hope you like this, so much

Shane reminisces about visiting his family with Steven while they wait on the train to visit Steven’s family. They had danced and ate and sang. Old Family traditions are kept alive, and New ones are made.

---

They were in the back of an uber heading to the airport. Steven sat beside him in the passenger seat reading from his phone. A light snow had just started and the roads were thankfully empty. Driving in the snow never made him feel easy. As they drove along silently, Shane reminisced about visiting his parent’s.

This was the first year in a while that he was able to visit them instead of them visiting him. His parents, his brother and his wife and their daughter were spending the holiday together. Scott, his brother, and Sofia, his niece, met him and Steven at the airport. Sophia sprinted toward her uncle giggling wildly. Shane handed his one bag to Steven and bent down to pick up Sophia. He swung her around before peppering kisses onto her face. Scott gave Steven a hug before taking some of their bags. Steven watched happily as uncle and niece reacquainted themselves to each other. She was rapidly telling him some story about an incident in school. Sophia talked so quickly that Shane could only nod along. The interaction made Steven giggle.

This alerted Sophia to Steven’s presence. “Hi Uncle Stevie! Merry Christmas! Can you believe what Eleanora did?”

Steven shook his head, trying in vain not to burst out laughing. Sophia paid it no mind, and continued telling her story. Steven took Shane’s hand and together left the airport.

Christmas with the Madej’s was fun. It snowed the entire time they were there, making it the first white Christmas they’ve had in a while. Sophia was ecstatic and pulled whichever uncle was available into playing in the snow with her. Shane thought he could handle the snow but he was sorely mistaken. Being a California boy took a toll on him and forced him to layer up more than usual. Steven was a little smarter and layered up from the get go. Together, with Sophia, they played many games in the snow that Shane used to play as a kid. They made gay snowmen, had a snowball fight and went sledding. By the end of it, Shane was shivering. Scott gave him an earful for it, but Steven took the opportunity to curl up against him, making up for it.

Late nights with the Madej’s were just as fun. Some nights, Sherry and her husband regaled the room of Christmas stories from old, other nights they put on a record of old Christmas and dance the night away. Shane would get up and stretch out his long legs before extending a hand to Steven. Steven would blush but accept. Shane would pull him close to do a little waltz around the living room. Lowly, ever so softly, Shane would whisper the lyrics of the songs he knew best into Steven’s ear. The crackling of the fire, the twinkle of the Christmas lights, and the glint of their wedding rings (because of the fire) provided a nice ambiance.

“Here we are, as in olden days… Happy golden days, to youuu.” Shane sang into Steven’s ear.

Steven hummed, “This what your childhood was like? Dancing with someone to your parent’s old Christmas records?”

“Not exactly, as a child I didn’t have a pretty partner.” Shane’s voice was deep and low and he caught Steven’s eye to wink. It made the other man giggle aloud and blush deeply.

“We also used to eat the snow.” Shane added absentmindedly.

“Eat the snow?” Steven prodded, curious.

“Yeah, I’ll show you sometime. Mom would send me and Scott out with tins to collect fresh snow. When we’d get back, she’d coat them in syrup and give us a spoon. Free food!” Shane exclaimed excitedly.

“One day we’ll have to try it,” Steven said with a smile.

They were only able to stay at the Madej’s for a short while before having to pack up and head over to Steven’s parents house. They devised a system where they would spend five days with the Madej’s then take a train to the Lim Family and spend another five days there before going home.

Finding out Uncle Steven and Uncle Shane couldn’t stay for the whole holiday devastated Sophia. Shane almost, almost, changed his mind for her, but knew they had to stick to the plan. Before they left, Sophia handed the two men a couple of messiled wrapped Christmas gifts. Steven smiled at her and gave her a thank you hug. Shane shared similar sentiments making Sophia beam.

“I’m sad that you can’t be home for Christmas, so I wanted to give you these now, so you’d have it one Christmas. You can’t open it before Christmas okay?”

Steven nodded solemnly, “We promise sweetheart. We’ll even facetime you so you can watch us open it.”

Sophia looked up at them with hopeful excitement. “Really, you promise?”

Steven smiled warmly at her and put a hand on her cheek, “We promise.” Sophia squealed excitedly and ran off to tell her mom about the new development.

Shane smiled gratefully at Steven. “You’re a lifesaver.”

“Is getting a kid my reward?” Steven teased.

“When God gives me the ability to have kids sure. Until then we wait.”

“I can be patient, I guess,” Steven teased. He held up his pinky in a promise, “kids one day?”

Shane finished the pinky promise, and chuckled. “Kids one day, baby, one day.”

“Can’t wait.”

As Steven went around the upper half of the house checking to make sure they didn’t forget anything, Shane took the bottom half. When he noticed the to-go syrup packets, Shane stuffed a few into his pockets.

They headed off to the train to catch the next ride to Ohio. Luckily they arrived with time to spare. Steven settled in to wait for the train with a novel. Shane still felt a little restless though, and went to walk around. It was still snowing outside, enough that a decent layer of snow covered the ground.

Opportunity struck Shane, making him smile. He walked back into the airport and found a souvenir shop that sold nice cups. Shane picked one that he knew Steven would like, a cup that had many little drawings on it. It was a fox and a cat in the woods with strawberries and blueberries around them. He thanked the clerk before heading back out. Quickly, it was cold, Shane scooped up a cup of fresh snow. He poured the packs of syrup onto the snow to create a thick layer. A pop up restaurant had some plastic spoons he could use. With his little treat ready, he headed back to his husband.

Steven had his forearms resting on his thighs trying in vain not to fall asleep. Shane let out a soft chuckle and plopped down next to him. “Wakey wakey baby. Look what I made you.”

Steven moved slowly, like his brain was lagging. He blinked at him, slightly confused like his brain wasn’t aware of its surroundings. The look on his face was open and trusting and tinged with love and confusion. It made Shane smile for a second, calmed by the steady love his husband had for him. Then a sense of excitement took over when he remembered the gift he had.

“I got something for you!” Shane singsonged. He pulled out the cup of what was basically sweet sugar ice and held it out to Steven. The other very tired man perked up instantly. His eyes widened at the cup full of treats with pretty designs. His mouth dropped open into a pretty o shape while his hands carefully cradled the cup.

“Baby…” he breathed.

Shane chuckled nervously. “Do you like it?”

Steven nodded frantically with a slow bashful smile creeping onto his face. He took the spoon, swirled the snow and syrup before taking a bite. Shane waited ‘calmly’ for his husbands reactions.

It didn’t disappoint. Steven made a happy noise before continuing to scarf it down. When he finally took a break he smiled happily at his boyfriend. Shane reached over and thumbed away some excess syrup on Steven’s upper lip.

“This?” Steven gestured to the half full cup of syrup snow, “This is good. Very good. I get why you loved it as a kid. Thank you for getting me some.”

“Of course Stevie. I’m glad you liked it so much.” Steven nodded then went back to eating the treat. By the time Steven fully finished his icy treat, the train was ready to board. They carefully packed up the cup, which Steven loved, into one of their extra bags before boarding the train. It was relatively sleek with many red velvet booth seats. They found their row and put away their bags. Shane settled in to watch a movie on his phone while Steven picked up his book from earlier.

They sat together in silence for a while. The train conductor gave announcements before leaving the station. Once the sugar rush cleared up, Steven passed out. Shane closed his book and made sure Steven was comfortable beside him. Shane plugged in some soft Christmas music and let himself relax.

“What are you listening to?” A groggy voice asked beside him. Steven yawned and stretched out beside him.

“Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas.”

Steven made grabby hands for one of Shane’s airpods. Shane gave him one of the airpods and started the song up again.

“Mmm. Nice song, Is this your favourite?”

“I’ve never thought about favorites. ‘Is Christmas only a tree’ is a good one. My mom’s always loved ‘Your a Mean One Mr. Grinch.’ She’ll put on this green mask and get my father to dance with her.” Shane laughed at the old childhood memory.

“My parents were a little more formal. My father used to sit at the piano and start the music. Then my mom would stop whatever she was doing to join him on the bench. Together they would sing a few Christmas songs. O’ Holy Night was a favourite of my parents.”

“It’s a nice song. Melancholic, but i don’t know… moving? If that makes sense.”

Steven nodded thoughtfully. “Yeah, you feel something while it plays.” Shane let his fingers play with Steven’s as ‘Have yourself a Merry Christmas’ comes to a close.

“What to play next…” Shane mumbled as he looked through the different options. With disdain he scorned, “Not ‘Baby It’s Cold Outside.’ I don’t like that song.”

Steven made an unhappy sound, “I don’t like it either.” Steven tightened his grip on Shane’s fingers, “Oh look! ‘The Christmas Song’ by Nat King Cole, play that one.”

“Is that your favorite?”

“Nope, I actually like “Christmas Tree Farm” by Taylor Swift. Very upbeat and happy song, but still feeling almost vintage. My parents would always play the more Catholic Christmas Songs, and they were great, but not like upbeat, you know? So hearing this song that I definitely mistake for a slightly older one, with nostalgic family vibes that was happy was an instant win for me.”

“It is a great song, I like the violins in the beginning. Really spices it up.” Shane took a deep breath, “I think I picked a song I really like.”

Steven quirked an eyebrow at him. “In the spirit of upbeat songs, ‘I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas’ is a favorite one. It’s so weird but happy. I don’t know why but I’ve always liked it.”

Steven smiled at his husband. “It’s a nice song. Whenever it plays I can’t help but giggle at it. The girl singing is adorable.”

“She needs her hippopotamus!” Shane joked, unintentionally making himself laugh softly which made Steven laugh too.

“She needs her hippopotamus,” Steven echoed through his giggles. When they calmed down he looked around the train car. It was empty save for two waitresses talking in a booth, booths away from them and a few passengers in the single seats near the front of the car. An idea struck Steven. He disconnected the air pods, searched up ‘I want a hippopotamus’ on Youtube.

“Another time maybe I’ll show you a family tradition. Maybe I’ll play you O Holy Night on the piano while you sing, but for now why not do one of yours… ish. Ok maybe this isn’t one of your family’s traditions, but its still nice.”

Shane looked at his husband apprehensively. Steven smiled back at him, wobbling between awkward and excited. “Stevie, what do you mean?”

Stevie stretched his hand out, “Dance with me?” Shane laughed out loud. He took Steven’s hand, played the song at a low volume and danced. It wasn’t like the half-waltz back in the cabin. This was flailing limbs, loud laughs, and soft touches. It was really pretty bad, but it was there’s, so that made it special.

“We should do this again.” Steven told Shane as the song came to an end.

Shane looked at him, perplexed. “Dancing on a train?”

“No, visiting both our families and dancing wildly on a train. Maybe this could be our family tradition.”

“It’d be a pretty funny tradition. I love it.” The boys got back into the car seat and talked quietly about other Christmas traditions. The car ride went on smoothly. Snow hit the window as one of the workers passed out some hot chocolate. This time Shane would be the one to fall asleep during the last leg of the journey. Steven sipped on some hot coco as he watched the snow fall.. He made sure Shane was comfortable sleeping next to him. Before checking up on work, and with Ryan and their other friends, Steven fingered his wedding ring. “Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night,” he joked. It was a good night indeed.

#limadej #ella's watcher fics #we're all fic writers here #this was so fun to write #I wanted to give them a sweet and a little playful vibe #I hope I did them justice #usermaxie

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the-wardens-torch · 3 years

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((Part 3, the last bit of Fal having a fateful encounter at a gig in Idyllshire.

1 and 2 as well, just in case.))

“Fal! You can take a break now!”

It had been Sunnthota’s voice, and as he looked up, he saw her approaching him, a smile on her face and a glass of red wine in each hand. He lifted his hands from the keyboard and breathed deeply, emerging from his musical reverie as if he‘d been engrossed in a particularly compelling novel.

“The director is going to make a speech soon. And I snagged you… some kind of wine. I don‘t know my vintages but I know you like reds.” she said, handing one of the glasses to him. “Thanks so much for playing my song though. It couldn’t have been better timing. Did you know I was talking to Baldwaht Roehdornnsyn? He’s one of the more prominent young professors, and I think I impressed him!” she said with a smile.

“That’s a shame…” Fal said, cradling his glass between his fingers and swirling it pensively.

“What do you mean that’s a shame?” Sunnthota said, her smile turning into an suspicious frown and brow furrow.

“You wore the wrong dress - he‘s gonna have a hell of a time with all those buttons on the back.”

Sunnthota sighed and lowered her hand. Her facial expression remained unchanged, though her pale cheeks were several shades redder than they had been a moment ago. Falerin beamed at her.

“Wow, I’m proud of you. A couple of years ago a comment like that would have had you squawking and squirming like a chocobo on a wet marble floor.”

“I swear to gods Fal, if I didn’t…” She sighed. “Anyway. I hope your full return to vulgarity and colorful metaphors means that you’re feeling more comfortable.”

Fal laughed. “I guess so, sorry for being such a brat about it. And how kind of you to remember my wine preferences. To you and your promising career in advanced arcanima.” he said, lifting his glass.

“And hopefully yours someday too.” she responded, punctuating the sentiment with the clink of crystal on crystal. “But anyway, gotta run! Looks like everyone is gathering in the oratory hall. Enjoy your break!” Sunnthota grinned and shuffled away, somewhat hindered by the contents of her wine glass, in more ways than one.

“Thanks Sunn!” Fal said after her.

Falerin took a sip of his wine before placing his glass on the piano. Some sort of nicely spiced red, but he had even less of a chance at guessing its credentials than Sunnthota did. All he could tell was that it had probably been expensive. As he lowered his arm back to the piano, he could just barely see a tiny glint of Ruby’s light reflected in the glass. She very nearly matched the color of the wine. He pulled his sleeve up a bit further.

Ever-so-gently, he replaced the cover on the piano keys, sitting upright with his hands folded until the last of the crowd had left the room. He waited for the sound of applause and a single voice rising above the others before uncouthly slouching forward and resting his elbows on the piano with a sigh. Maybe it would have been a good idea to ask her if she knew how long the speech was going to be… One could never tell with these literati types. The few he’d seen were either so painfully awkward and unused to interacting with other Spoken that they could barely complete a sentence, and others had the opposite problem and seemed to love hearing the sound of their own voices. And some curiously had both problems at once.

And there was that Duskwight man again. Apparently he hadn’t left the room with the rest of the crowd. He seemed to be leaving now, but there was a certain carelessness in his step that hadn’t been there before. Usually when people walked around while someone was speaking nearby, they did their best to tiptoe, but this man seemed to be making as much noise as he possibly could. Without moving his head, Falerin tracked his movements from the corner of his eye. He was walking like someone who was trying to appear casual without actually being casual… Whatever he was trying to pull, he was doing a terrible job of it.

When he reached the marble arch of the doorway, he coughed loudly and raised his hand to his mouth before letting it drop to his side again. Falerin then noticed that there was a piece of paper sticking out of his sleeve. It seemed he’d been trying to drop it but had failed miserably and had to help it along with a poorly disguised shake of his sleeve. When it hit the floor it still bore the creases of having been hidden carelessly in a sleeve.

“What the fuck is this idiot doing?”

Falerin sat still until he could no longer hear that man’s footsteps, then looked over at the paper on the floor. He had seen this sort of coy, exaggerated delivery used as a romantic proposition before… He’d feel a pair of eyes lingering on him during a set and then find a note placed slyly on the edge of the stage or on his accordion case that said “meet me outside after your set” or whatnot. But this sure didn’t feel like one of those times. This man’s energy was all wrong for that. It was very off-putting, and made him want to ignore the paper and get on with his life… But he knew that his curiosity was going to get the better of him eventually anyway.

As quietly as he could, he rose from the piano bench and stalked across the polished floor towards the mystery paper. As he leaned over to pick it up, he noticed that it wasn’t just a hastily scribbled note, but a full letter, folded over and sealed with a purulent-looking yellow wax. Just a few seconds before he returned to his seat, a sound like distant waves began to echo in the hallway. Applause. Carefully (or at least more carefully than the man that had dropped it,) he stashed the letter in his coat. For better or for worse, this evening had least gotten a bit more interesting.

((Remember how I once said that Fal’s dad introduced himself with a letter? Well, this was how he delivered that letter. My original idea was to have Fal’s dad send some sort of monster after him so he’d be forced to use his arcanima, and then show up in the aftermath to tell him the truth, but I thought that made him seem too evil. He’s actually just a highly intelligent but very awkward man who doesn’t understand emotions all that well.))

#Falerin Arcita #Sunnthota Rymmharrwyn #Uther Alcyone #my writing #in-character

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asimawv · 4 years

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I write and conceptualize story to music, so I’ve compiled a playlist of 30 Darkest Dungeon-specific songs that I listen to when writing (and subsequently re-writing) in no particular order, which I hope will help you set the vibe too. :+)

Names in bold are links for easy listening - tons of Hozier and Of Monsters and Men up ahead, five minute warning.

1. ‘Fire and the Flood’ - Vance Joy

If you listen to nothing else on this list, listen to this one - it’s the kind of song that’s made for movies about yearning. Folk influences, choruses of trumpets and vocal harmony, and instruments that are layered for a rich, resonant sound. This is the song I imagine Dismas and Reynauld horse-racing through a crowded outdoors market in the hamlet to, and the song I listened to nonstop freshman year when I first started writing The Myth of Sisyphus.

You're the fire and the flood And I'll always feel you in my blood Everything is fine When your hand is resting next to mine Next to mine You're the fire and the flood

The chorus is built around biblical allusions to the fire (the burning bush signifying first contact) and the flood (destruction of the first world), the beginning and end. Every line is similarly evocative of Darkest Dungeon in their simplicity (“I’ve been getting used to waking up with you,” etc.)

2. ‘Soldier, Poet, King’ - The Oh Hellos

By the title alone you can guess who this is for. Even the Guild quote for the Leper approaches these three things as the defining parts of his character (specifically it’s “a ruined man, a warrior, and a poet.”) This song coincidentally has an old world influence to it, with a Medieval Renaissance style from a guitar playing a lute-adjacent melody.

There will come a ruler Whose brow is laid in thorn Smeared with oil like David's boy, oh lei oh lai oh Lord Oh lei, oh lai, oh lei, oh Lord Smeared with oil like David's boy, oh lei oh lai oh Lord

To be smeared with oil is to be anointed by a prophet and thus chosen by god himself to be king, just as David was and his boy after him (presumably Solomon). There’s something strangely wistful about the imagery, which is just how I like my songs about bygone kings.

3. ‘Exit Hymn’ - Bear Attack!

This song is about the end of the world in a version where everyone simply stands together in silence watching, rather than having the masses swarming in panic.

Lovely shapes to the world descending, Brothers and sisters. Lovely shapes to the world descending, Brothers and sisters Mute.

It defies Lovecraftian horror, which is based on the premise that “common human laws and interests and emotions have no validity or significance in the vast cosmos-at-large” - it flies in the face of existential nihilism and the despair that it should bring us. That’s why I like this song for deaths in the end-boss fight; it also has a special place for other death-related ideas, like full-party wipes - entire teams of people vanishing into the dungeons, gone insane, holding hands while the darkness surrounds them.

It’s a bare song which has a sanctity to it, mostly just piano and rain and human voices. Just what you would hear at the end of the world.

More under the cut:

4. ‘Pursuit of Glory’ - Jhameel

This song is laid-back. It doesn’t have the Homeric intensity that some of the other songs here do - it’s a guy with a guitar and vocal harmony. By god is it a great piece of writing though (all of Jhameel’s older songs have that quality to them), and all of it is evocative of Darkest Dungeon.

So many eyes set on the path to glory Too many ties, friendship is for the lonely Can't still my heart, my tongue has tasted folly Thirsty for art, hungry for power and money

This is a song for everyone in the barracks, especially the ‘laundry list’ of people and their approaches to the pursuit of glory.

5. ‘Good Old Days’ - Macklemore (feat. Kesha)

This fucker put a Macklemore song in here. I did, yeah. It’s not even the only song with Kesha in it here (I’m sorry.)

It’s a sentimental pop song, and I am sentimental to a fault. This is Darkest Dungeon AMV material, and I always mishear one of the lines as “we were underground, loaded mercs in that 12-passenger van” so it’s here.

We've come so far, I guess I'm proud And I ain't worried about the wrinkles around my smile I've got some scars, I've been around I've felt some pain, I've seen some things, but I'm here now Those good old days

6. ‘Past Lives‘ - Kesha

Here it is, the other Kesha song - this was introduced to me by a good friend, also in a Darkest Dungeon context. There’s just something about the lovers spanning time trope and finding each other in one life to the next that is irresistible (for the obvious reason in the context of Darkest Dungeon.) It’s a soft song, totally out of place in Kesha’s typical discography, and has a line about losing someone to the crusades, so... you know.

There's just somethin' about you I know Started centuries ago though You see your kiss is like a lost ghost Only I would know But I, I keep on falling for you Time after time Time after time

7. ‘Viva la Vida’ - Coldplay

You cannot fight this. You know that this is the song for King Baldwin IV of Jerusalem, you know it is. Did you know the official name of this genre of music is “Baroque pop”? Yes, that means more songs like this exist. You will live with this information now.

Don’t fight it. Just let it wash over you.

I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing Roman Cavalry choirs are singing Be my mirror, my sword and shield My missionaries in a foreign field For some reason I can't explain Once you go there was never, never an honest word And that was when I ruled the world

Mirror, sword, and shield, the three other members of his party, his missionaries in a foreign field. Thinking emoji. I typed that out so I wouldn’t have a repeat of the crab emoji incident.

8. ‘The Boxer’ - Jerry Douglas (feat. Mumford & Sons, Paul Simon)

Partly inspired by the Bible, Simon & Garfunkle’s ‘The Boxer’ is a folk rock song about poverty, loneliness, and homesickness. It’s written and sung in a style that’s strongly reminiscent of older times, and the final verse about its eponymous boxer is particularly powerful:

In the clearing stands a boxer And a fighter by his trade And he carries the reminders Of ev'ry glove that laid him down Or cut him till he cried out In his anger and his shame "I am leaving, I am leaving" But the fighter still remains

This is what I use for Dismas’ life leading into organized crime and his foolish abandonment of stable job prospects in a half-baked bid for fame, as well as being punched down over and over again but with nowhere else to go. That last part is widely applicable across the cast.

9. ‘I Will Wait’ - Mumford & Sons

I am but a simple man. I see 'folk rock' and add it to my Darkest Dungeon playlist. This song I use for Reynauld - it has that sort of “salt of the earth,” somewhat biblical humility in its choice of words and style.

Raise my hands Paint my spirit gold And bow my head Keep my heart slow

10. ‘Little Lion Man’ - Mumford & Sons

Have we not beaten this song to death yet? Can you blame us? This is the people’s song. We reserve it for all of our favorite fuck-up characters, as primal as Saturn devouring his son. We love this song. Jesus.

Tremble for yourself, my man, You know that you have seen this all before Tremble little lion man, You'll never settle any of your scores Your grace is wasted in your face, Your boldness stands alone among the wreck Now learn from your mother or else spend your days biting your own neck

The line about learning from your mother in particular is why I think of this song for Dismas’ introspection, but I also associate it with the Hellion.

11. ’From Eden’ - Hozier

There’s too much Hozier in my playlists. There is so much of it, and it’s all important to me, says the hoarder. There’s something about profoundly intimate folk music that I love, and god put folk, R&B, blues, and alt rock into a Vitamix for 45 seconds to make Hozier.

Honey you're familiar like my mirror years ago Idealism sits in prison, chivalry fell on its sword Innocence died screaming, honey ask me I should know I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door

‘From Eden’ is, according to Hozier, about idolizing someone from a distance, written from the perspective of the devil “looking longingly at something he desires - for everything that he does not have.” I associate this song with the Grave Robber for its playfully nihilistic tone - Audrey does say something to the effect of being left for dead by high society and the affectionate bordering condescending address is on-brand.

12. ‘Cherry Wine’ - Hozier

‘Cherry Wine’ is unabashedly about domestic violence, and its sincerity is heartbreaking, the sanctification of the blood spilled in the name of keeping her.

The way she tells me I'm hers and she is mine Open hand or closed fist would be fine The blood is rare and sweet as cherry wine.

This song is strongly tied to the Vestal for me.

13. ‘Work Song’ - Hozier

A song about unconditional love - heaven and hell were just words, indeed.

When my time comes around Lay me gently in the cold dark earth No grave can hold my body down I'll crawl home to her

I think of this song for both Dismas and the Abomination - it’s a song about love transcending spiritual and even physical need, complete devotion, but something about it is also not quite right. It’s morbid and excessive, self-pitying, and almost ugly in its sincerity.

14. ‘Sunlight’ - Hozier

The strong gospel influence with the choruses, church organ, religious fervor - I think it makes a great song for traveling scenes and church/altar scenes.

I had been lost to you, sunlight Flew like a moth to you, sunlight oh sunlight Oh, your love is sunlight Oh, your love is sunlight (sunlight, sunlight) But it is sunlight

15. ‘Arsonist’s Lullabye’ - Hozier

The gospel this time is paired with electric rock instrumentation. Something about the lamentation is unapologetic and matter-of-fact in its disturbing inclinations - this is Paracelsus’ song. Arguably representative of Bounty Hunter and Flagellant as well.

Now that I think about it, it’s great for Abomination as well. Damn.

All you have is your fire And the place you need to reach Don't you ever tame your demons But always keep 'em on a leash

16. ‘We Sink’ - Of Monsters and Men

Of Monsters and Men are closer to the indie rock/pop spectrum with influences of folk, with much less biblical influence and more folklore-inspired lyrics. They make for great trailer and action songs.

We are the sleepers, we bite our tongues We set the fire and we let it burn Through the dreamers, we hear the hum They say come on, come on, let's go So come on, come on, let's go

In Lovecraft’s Cthulu mythos, dreams are how the Old Ones commune with humans on the earth’s surface while they slumber in the ocean depths (Cthulhu fhtagn meaning “Cthulhu is dreaming”); I like to think of the ‘sleepers’ as the heroes being tasked to “set the fire” and the ‘dreamers’ being the Heir and Ancestor driven by some unseen force to unearth the antediluvian underground.

17. ‘I Of The Storm’ - Of Monsters and Men

Very somber song, overwhelmingly piano and snare drum and vocals. Also a great death scene song, or for introspection around the campfire, or played to reveal a major event.

If I could face them If I could make amends With all my shadows I'd bow my head And welcome them

18. ‘King and Lionheart’ - Of Monsters and Men

My favorite OMAM song - it’s clearly written about two children, kind of reminiscent of ‘Where the Wild Things Are’ in its fantastical nature, and very upbeat about the end of the world.

His crown lit up the way as we moved slowly Pass the wondering eyes of the ones that were left behind Though far away, though far away, though far away We're still the same, we're still the same, we're still the same

This part is reminiscent of the Leper’s journey, but the mentions of taking over a town, howling ghosts, the end of the world, a black sea and creatures lurking below, etc. are all evocative of Darkest Dungeon.

19. ‘Little Talks’ - Of Monsters and Men

Also very upbeat for its subject matter - according to OMAM, it’s a narrative of a woman speaking with the ghost of her dead husband, or going insane and believing that she’s speaking with her dead husband.

Some days I don't know if I am wrong or right Your mind is playing tricks on you, my dear 'Cause though the truth may vary This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

The call-and-respond style of the song is haunting. I like this song for expeditions and afflicted heroes.

20. ‘Wolves Without Teeth’ - Of Monsters and Men

Suitable for both Occultist and Abomination, being consumed by an unseen and otherworldly force that inhabits them - well, maybe just rarely seen, in the Abomination’s case. Special mention to OMAM’s ‘Human,’ same conceptual backing but more raw.

You hover like a hummingbird Haunt me in my sleep You're sailing from another world Sinking in my sea, oh You're feeding on my energy I'm letting go of it He wants it

21. ‘Desierto’ (Original Motion Picture Score) - Woodkid

This is a full album, because all of it is dark orchestral cinema music described as ‘unsettling,’ with the sole exception of ‘Land of All,’ which has vocals to it. I reserve this album for writing fight scenes and for particularly unsettling events because it’s tense and wordless. I read Junji Ito to this soundtrack too, it’s insanely high-strung and discordant.

22. ‘Iron’ - Woodkid

‘Iron’ qualifies as Baroque pop - you might recognize this as the Assassin’s Creed: Revelations song. The large-scale, cinematic style of it and thematic lyrics make it great for writing about dramatic encounters or brigands.

This deadly burst of snow is burning my hands I'm frozen to the bones, I am A million miles from home, I'm walking away I can't recall your eyes, your face

23. ‘Never Let You Down’ - Woodkid (feat. LYKKE LI)

Another somber song, orchestral with some industrial noise in the mix - another great introspection song, or one for a scene with some hard decisions to be made.

Will you come along cause I'm about to leave this town In my eyes, a waterfall, all I can hear, a siren call Could you be waiting by the shore, oh I could drown without you Will you be holding out the line when I fall?

24. ‘Run Boy Run’ - Woodkid

Church bells, fast percussion, strong orchestral presence. For chase scenes, obviously, but great for fast-paced sneaking scenes as well. Also has a strong quasi-Medieval fantasy setting style to it.

Tomorrow is another day And you won't have to hide away You'll be a man, boy! But for now it's time to run, it's time to run!

25. ‘I Love You’ - Woodkid

Don’t let the scream effects and aggressive percussion at the beginning deter you (it kind of took me by surprise the first few times too) - it soon fades into more of the church bells and melodic string accompaniment.

Oh yeah, unrequited love song? It’s free (mental) real estate, baby.

Is there anything I could do Just to get some attention from you? In the waves, I've lost every trace of you Where are you?

26. ‘Vagabonds’ - Grizfolk

A rare departure from folk! Grizfolk is alt rock/indie pop. Stylistically it doesn’t match the feeling of Darkest Dungeon, but lyrically it’s almost 1:1 to arrival in the hamlet and the subsequent expeditions. Good song for writing about recruits bonding.

Oh this careless ground, guessing this is home now Oh in no man's land, at least we're still standing And we're all just fighting, some of us will not return And there's no redemption in trying to find your way out

27. ‘Everybody Wants To Rule The World’ - Lorde

Great trailer fuel, if you’ve seen the AC: Unity E3 trailer with this song - I listen to an extended version when writing fights in the Guild, especially one where two heroes are beefing. It’s got a primal kind of thing going on. I also associate this song with the Arbalest - lyrically, it fits her backstory like a glove.

Welcome to your life There's no turning back Even while we sleep We will find you

Acting on your best behavior Turn your back on mother nature

28. ‘Torches’ - X Ambassadors

More alt rock/indie pop - kind of a rallying song for dark expeditions, hopeful but still somber in nature - some gospel elements. X Ambassadors’ more popular ‘Renegades’ is also a fun tavern song.

Come on, carry your flame Carry it higher Leave it in the darkness Carry your torches

29. ‘Passing Afternoon’ - Iron & Wine

This is a song I use for reconciliation or domestic scenes - Dismas with Junia in the garden, for example. It’s soft and kind of meandering, and features vintage piano - you know, the piano you heard in the basement of your church turned community center as a child.

There are times that walk from you like some passing afternoon Summer warmed the open window of her honeymoon And she chose a yard to burn but the ground remembers her Wooden spoons, her children stir her Bougainvillea blooms

30. ‘Some Nights’ - Fun.

You know this song, your mom knows this song, everyone knows this song from like, middle school. Thought it’d be fun to end this list on an uplifting and very popular song. This is the song that a Disney adaptation of Darkest Dungeon would use in the Training Montage™ - from the point of view of Reynauld. It hits all of the points - being their commander rather than their equal, his stern and antisocial zealotry with no true ideology behind it, the ghost of his wife.

Verse 2, starting with “Well, that is it, guys, that is all / Five minutes in and I'm bored again” is where I see it transitioning to Dismas.

Well, some nights, I wish that this all would end 'Cause I could use some friends for a change And some nights, I'm scared you'll forget me again Some nights, I always win (I always win) But I still wake up, I still see your ghost Oh Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for, oh What do I stand for? What do I stand for? Most nights, I don't know

_____

Well that’s all from me! Feel free to leave your own recommendations in the replies, and I’d love to know what you think about my personal picks. :+)

#darkest dungeon #playlist #song reccomendations #fic: the myth of sisyphus #give me that hozier baby

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