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abthepoet · 5 years

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All my friends are dead.

Something strange is trending in my life.

All my friends die.

At the beginning of my sophmore year in college, my roommate from freshman year died tragically in a single vehicle car crash. Her name was Allison Lynam. We called her Blake. She was sassy and funny and I wish I would've taken more time to know her.

The rain was torrential the night she died. I swear I've never seen it rain that hard ever again in my life. She drove to the store along Highway 36 in Long Branch,NJ. She had off campus housing that year and had to use the highway often. The road was terribly flooded the night she died. Im told she hydroplaned, spun, and T-boned the driver side smack into an electrical pole. Her family still decorates it.

At that very same moment, in my dorm room nearby, I was watching TV when the lights suddenly flickered and dimmed. A brown out.

I had no idea but that was my friend crashing into a pole and dying. She was 19 years old.

I know this because that accident happened near the mall. That accident killed the power to nearby businesses.

I later found out that the road she died on was so badly flooded, the police intended to close it. Why they didnt get to it in time, I'll never know. Maybe that's fate.

Then there was Jessica Blain. Jessica Blain was a firecracker of a human being. She was 100% unmistakable. One of the loudest, funniest, most loyal people and friends I have ever met. She was also an incredibly gifted singer and I was lucky enough to have Chorus with her. We, along with a small group of friends, founded a new greek organization on our campus, Alpha Xi Delta. We were paired up as Twins. (you can't have Bigs & Littles when you're just starting the Family Tree). We named the family we formed Fuck Up Your Shit. Because that's what we'd do for a friend. I miss her laugh most of all. It was loud and unapologetic. She was there for me, supportive, and encouraging without me ever having to ask. The night I officially finished college we all went out to the local gay club, The Colosseum. I got wasted, of course. But Jess was the person who when I shouted 'I have to pee' on the ride home, she stopped and knocked on strangers doors and asked to let me use their bathrooms. Nobody said yes so she held my hand while I peed on a fence instead. I remember the last time we spoke. She was at a concert with a mutual friend. We hadn't spoken much since I graduated, she was still in school.

She died in her dorm room bed on Halloween as a result of asphyxiation during an epileptic seizure. She was 20 years old. The news was broken to me that very same Halloween night as I floated along in NY on a concert cruise. The World/Inferno Friendship Society decided to host Hallowmas, their annual event, on a boat this year. Nothing like being trapped on a musical boat while you grieve. I had messaged her AIM late that night to say hi. She had an away message up. I may have sent a message to a dead person. I miss her friendship more than I realize sometimes.

That brings us to James Padden. James was a warm, snuggly bear of a guy who always tried to do the right thing and let me steal his hoodies. He insantly became my best friend in a Stepbrothers-esque manner. I met James working overnights at Wawa in Leonardo, NJ. I forget how it started now, but we were standing in front of the deli and I think I tossed him a broom or he already had one. . . I cant remember now.. . . but he just took one look at me with that mischievous little twinkle that I quickly returned and we instantly began sword fighting with our brooms. Like two little boys playing pretend and having a ball. He was sweet and silly and kind. I needed a ride, and he loved to drive. Our first winter as friends, we went out doing donuts in the snow. I barely knew him, but I felt safe. We smoked a ton of weed and had so many adventures trying to procure more. One time, we got so high driving to a Dropkick Murphys concert in NY we kept going in circles, missed almost the entire show save for the last 3-5 numbers, and had a blast. I can barely remember the night, but I remember laughing hard in that car. No one could talk to me like James. We were both insecure being chubby kids and adults, but so charismatic and grandiose that I sometimes thought we were the only two who would put up with listening to each others wild ideas and ridiculous banter. We would smoke joints and take adderall and talk about everything and anything. I miss the safety and closeness I felt with him. We were always 100% platonic, but we could nap together, I could walk into his house and jump on him in bed and wake him up. Then we would cook ourselves a breakfast feast and hit the beach. He taught me to always take the back roads. I gave him advice on the ladies. He taught me about fixing cars. I helped shave his back. He called his new pick up truck, a pick'um up truck. We could wax philosophical all damn day and not get sick of each other.

It wasnt just driving he loved, it was going fast. Like so many young white men, he had tendency to be a little reckless. The universe gave him a pass only so many times.

I'll never forget when he got his motorcycle. It was the last time I saw him. It was a bright green crotch rocket. He loved lime green. I was doing yoga in the living room when I heard this obnoxious engine rev down my street. I asked myself, who the hell is making this noise?! And it was James, grinning from ear to ear with a matching helmet on his shiny new toy.

before he left I said, 'you die on that thing, I'll bring you back to life and kill you." I remember giving him this very long and intentional hug and not knowing why I felt compelled to hang on.

When he left and hopped back on the bike, I felt compelled again and took a video of him riding away from my driveway until he was entirely out of sight.

That's my very last memory of him alive. James Padden died on Thanksgiving five days after his 25th birthday. He went out for a joyride on his bike before dinner, opened up to 100mph around a curve where he couldn't see a car pulling out around the bend in time. They called a medevac, but he died on scene. I loved James dearly and I regret drifting apart after we both left Wawa and I started a new relationship. He had stuff too, but in hindsight it never seems important.

Then there's JB. I will always remember JB for his kindness and generosity. The very first time I finally worked up the nerve to go to a poetry slam, I was alone and terrified. I had no idea what to expect. JB was the very first person to turn around, introduce himself, and welcome me. He made me feel like I belonged. Years later, when I won the title of Grand Slam Champion, he immediately offered to help coach me for national competition. Except, I didn't see the messages and left them unanswered, which I deeply regret. When I started hosting my own open mic a few years after that, JB would be one of the only people to consistently come support the show both as an audience member and participant. It was at a pizza joint and he would sometimes buy me food when I had no money. He wrote beautiful poems about his two young daughters and how much they inspired him. JB always tried to make people laugh but you could tell he carried a sadness. I did not get details, but from what I have gathered he made a choice to end his life. I wish I would have gotten closer to him and appreciated him more as a friend and person. I wonder if he felt no one cared about him and I feel like I should've let him know more.

Which brings us to Crys. Crystopher Anthony Diaz was a Scorpio with a big heart and a big personality. I met him on Myspace back in the day and started Web camming. We became friends and eventually fell into this gray area of friends, together, but not. It wasn't long before I was spending days at his place, killing hours at a time downloading music, making Wawa runs, and smoking weed with his roommate at the time, Syd. You know, the whole reason I worked at Wawa was Crys suggesting it. And Wawa is the reason I met James. Crys was unlike anyone I'd ever met. He was poetic and artistic and loved animals, especially pit bulls. He loved to draw and write and had this very out loud style that favored Earth tones. He taught me about fashion and insisted on getting dressed even if it was 1am and we were just going to Wawa because you never know who you might see. We would buy new clothes at Walmart and have photo shoots. That boy drank his weight in coffee daily. If it's one thing I'll always remember him for, it's the dancing. Dancing was a passion of his and always used to talk about wanting to form a dance crew. Eventually, we ended up living together for four years. My first apartment was with him in this piece of shit duplex rented to us by a slumlord in Keansburg,NJ. My relationship with him was always defined by our Aries/Scorpio dynamic and he never let me forget it. His birthday was October 30th, mischief night. One time, after we had moved into a new place, we decided to get revenge on our old downstairs neighbor by taking a finished lobster carcass and throwing it on his lawn. . . . . . . Keansburg had a terrible stray cat problem. 😁

I have so many memories with Crystopher. Unfortunately, towards the end of our relationship things became too tumultuous. We had too much unresolved baggage and trauma to find a healthy place emotionally together. We were so financially strained for a time we hardly ate. And then when he met his new girlfriend Laura, she introduced him to her good friend, Roxy. As in Roxcicet. aka Blues. Neither of us knew what that even was at the time. But he sure learned quick. He started using them pretty frequently as time went on, and things only got more complicated. My mental health took a nose dive. By the time I moved out our relationship was trash. I basically left. At the time, I didnt have a choice. things had gotten so bad between us, the money, the using . . . we didn't act like friends anymore.

I saw him a couple times at his new place but that was years ago. Since then, he went through a lot, including homelessness and more struggles with addiction to opiates. He reached out to me and sent me a message apologizing for everything a couple years back. I never responded. I was afraid I would let him back into my life and let the all the problems back in. I didnt trust where he was at in his life. We lost touch and stopped speaking.

His ex, who used to live with us and became my friend, messaged me and told me he died a few days ago. He was 35. I'm still waiting for information, but it may have been drug related. I'm not even sure where I'm at with how I feel. I know why we stopped talking. It was the right thing to do at the time. But he didnt deserve to die so young, having spent the last god knows how many months homeless. It's fucking with me so hard because we never resolved anything. I loved this person so fucking much and we never made peace. Of everyone I've lost, he was the closest to me. I've had a lot of people die on me but none that I lived with and shared a life with. I have more memories with him than I can handle and while I know we hadn't spoken in years and why, I still wish I would've said something. Done something. Yes, i needed healthy boundaries but he needed somebody. when is being firm too firm? If we would've helped, could it have been different? But we didn't want to help at the time, you try to be tough and draw a line. Be firm. Not let yourself be taken advantage of. But is that a defense? Did that defensiveness leave a human being who's head i used to scratch until he fell asleep out in the cold to get sicker and die?

What am I supposed to learn from all this Universe? Why do you take my friends so young and so tragically? I'm only 35, I'm too young to have this much loss.

Because these are just the major players I've lost. It doesnt include my cousin Jared, who died being reckless on a motorcycle at 21 two years ago. I was 15 when he was born. I loved that baby, he used to bite my nose. But his family lived far, so I rarely saw him growing up. Last time I saw him was at my grandfather's funeral. He didn't remember me and the nose biting.

And then there's Marcos who we used to chill with. He worked delivery for our favorite chinese food place. He was a nice kid who lived with his grandparents. We would get food, smoke weed, hang out a little. Even used to buy it off him for a while. Eventually he got into the opiates too, he even wound up being good friends with Crys and being Blue buddies. But eventually Marcos died from an opiate overdose. He was in his mid twenties.

I didnt want to include Ricky because he was more of an acquaintance for me, he was more my partners childhood friend. But god damn, in the time I knew Ricky that kid was a riot. He was loud and funny and definitely marched to the beat of his own drum. Drugs took him too.

Thanks for reading all this if you've made it this far. It's taken me about two hours to type this out on my phone. but i needed to. Thanks for coming to my TedTalk

#death #story #story prompt #grief #friends #loss #love #dying #grieving #sad #lessons #life lessons #writeblr #writing #compose

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cutewarmachine · 6 years

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Will You?

Gray had been honestly thinking about this since the moment he knew he was utterly in love with Hoxmarch. That moment where the two of the were laying under the stars, covered head to toe in blood and gore after a fight together and both of them just letting the high was away as they took a moment to breathe in the nature around them. Gray had looked over, looking for but a single second and he knew he was in over his head. Hoxmarch was his world, his own savior and a reason to keep fighting every single day through the pits of depression, and he hoped that Hoxie knew that Gray fought so hard to make it through every day for him alone.

He was helplessly hooked from the near beginning. Those ice blue eyes had him from the start, the way they barely hid his ego, the way they barely showed emotion, the way they spoke volumes to him, the way they showed him every single thing even when the rest of the world was clueless as ever to the workings of the demon masters head. Hoxmarch was his drug of choice, his beautiful addiction that he would never grow tired of. Which was why even now, when Gray knew he wanted this with all his heart, he was still so embarrassed to even think of the out come. He loved Hox more than he knew, more than he could ever even hope off, he just wanted to make sure the demon know he was ready for this next step, he was finally ready to do this. God, he had been ready to do this the second he heard him say I love you if he was honest.

Gray had insisted they go on a road trip, wanting to spend the time with his lover and just make sure it was just them, nothing to stress over, just good fun sleeping their way across the USA and only stopping once Gray had Hox by his side in LA, looking over the beaches he had been discovered on with his brother after they obtained their freedom. But now, now this was going to hold another special memory for the man, hopefully one where he would finally get his happily ever after.

“Baby, despite what you’re thinking, I didn’t wanna come all the way out here for the beach, I did have a reason.” Gray had said, taking his boyfriends hand pulling him into a soft kiss in the sunset that was more beautiful than anything, well almost anything, Hoxmarch was still the most beautiful thing to him in the world. They had just gotten there, the drive there Gray had to hold himself back from spilling the beans as he now pulled Hox to the part of the beach where he had been found.

“Gray, baby, we have a pool I don’t understand.” Hox stressed, but he was quick to silence himself as he noticed Gray pull him to the spot and then pointed straight ahead to where there was a large monument, a torch on the weird tower and the low rumble of Gray’s voice in his ear. “That monument out there is for me, for my brother. This spot, is where we were found after being gone for two years. I was barely conscious after two weeks of swimming on an empty stomach, I had lost antifreeze, my insides were fucked and Glitch had to haul my ass buck up here. He had been through his own ordeals, things I had been through were just a lead up to what happened to him. I was almost dead, not physically but mentally. Short circuits and fried hardware… this is the spot where everything changed for me Hox. I was back home. I wasn’t in hell anymore, and me being at this spot lead me to being with you.”

There was a pause between them, the only feeling was the wind and then the warmth of Gray’s arms settling around his waist as his chin went to his shoulder. He didn’t know what to say, looking out at the monument and realizing there was a shimmer from it before holographic screens slowly turned on, a message on them that left tears in the demon master’s eyes.

Protect and Serve, General Grayson Daniels and Master Sergeant Glitch Daniels. Thank you for bringing the fight to them, but it’s our turn now.

“This is where you came home?” Hoxmarch asked, voice soft as he turned to look at Gray, who was gently smiling as he read the message before his eyes moved down to meet the ice blue gazing at him with both wonder and hurt. Gray knew that look all too well. “If.. If no one found you here.. You would’ve never been mine..”

Hoxmarch was not proud of the way his voice wavered close to tears, nor the way his lip trembled before Gray gently kissed him, taking his time to deepen the kiss and coax his boy back to being calm and beautiful as always. Seeing this place made what his lover had gone through all the more real, as if his nightmares and trauma didn’t already. Hoxmarch was confused when Gray pulled away again, simply holding him closing and looking out to the mark of his freedom when he heard the rumble of Gray’s voice curling against his ears with the sound of the waves.

“You may think that I'm talking foolish, you've heard that I'm wild and I'm free, you may wonder how I can promise you now, this love that I feel for you always will be,” He started, his voice much like the rolling thunder in the way that it commanded to be listened to, but it was also so soft and sweet, so gentle and loving. It could be either strong storm clouds or a gentle cup of coffee, and each note made the demon master grow more hooked than the last; the words slow to register.

“But you're not just time that I'm killin' , I'm no longer one of those guys, as sure as I live, this love that I give, is gonna be yours until the day that I die. Oh, baby, I'm gonna love you forever, forever and ever, amen.” He continued, smiling gently to the demon master before he slowly went to his knee, smiling up to him as he pulled out a ring box, a soft look crossing his features as the last of the song was forgotten and Hoxmarch was looking to the man on his knee, gazing up to him so vulnerably it would’ve once made the demon master grin, but now it made his breathing hitch, eyes widening.

“Love, I wanted to do this.. ages ago. I wanted to bring you here and show you this, I wanted to kneel right here, take your hand and ask you a thousand times, but I wasn’t in the best health. I will admit that last year we had a few scares that were my doing, my heads doing. But, I’ve been having so many more good days. I wanna spend all my time in your arms, whether you’re making me scream your name or not, and I really just fucking love your arms, they’re like perfect for me, I fit right between them and I feel as if I belong there. Because I do, I don’t think there’s a life where I wouldn’t choose to be yours. My love for you knows no bounds, it stretches into eternity and I want to spend that time with you. Sure, we didn’t start this whole deal off normally, but there’s no possible other way I’d ever want us to start. I am so glad my brother and my brother in law asked me to kill you, because god damn if it didn’t happen I doubt I would be this fucking happy. So, baby, I got a question for you…”

Gray was smiling so gently, his lips in a soft genuine smile as he opened the ring box and showed a rather modest diamond ring, though it was set in place, surrounded by black diamonds and rubies, and a strong band that showed the words engraved on the inside to be ‘I love you’ in demonic.

“Will you do me the highest honor I could ever think of there being? Will you marry me?”

@http-anti

#«smoke and flames» gray & hoxie #my writing #«smoke» grayson #fluff? fluff #probably the softest thing I'll make in a long time or until I feel soft gay again

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dangerousdragonflies · 6 years

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The Harmoninomicon

Book 1 : WATER

Chapter I Cognitive Dissonance

Part I

The entire world shook, the sky was red. A mighty wash of roiling water struck the boat. Several people were attempting to swim back to the log raft, a second and third raft was just barely visible through the chaos. A man bellowed calling out to the ocean, the words were lost beneath the waves. A wall of water that touched the sky came roaring overhead. Hold on everyone! The man yelled. The massive glowing object in the sky loomed over like a promise, two of the boats had now gone under the waves. No! You can’t! The man screamed at the ocean. Something glowing and red like a wall of liquid fire was bubbling up through the waves, the sound was hideous like a red hot sword slowly cutting though butter. The last of the log rafts splintered apart when the wall of water and the glowing bubbling horror met. A figure woke with a scream, are you ok Hun? A woman said in the dark. It was just a bad dream, go back to sleep I’ll be fine.

We have an old saying on the island, If the island does not like you it will spit you out. What does that even mean exactly Jules questioned? Well you know its probably all the movies I’ve been watching and I haven’t been getting enough sleep, it just seems like the universe doesn’t want me to feel rested. Well maybe you should try something a little more esoteric man, like a Ouija board (it was pronounced Wee Gee Board) or tarot cards! Jules had his thumbs up in the air like some sort of 80’s car dealership commercial. Dude I had a weird dream and that’s it, there’s no such thing as ghosts or demons and don’t get me started on the whole heaven or hell thing that makes less sense than those flat earth guys. Come on Will we don’t just rot in the ground and that’s it once we die man there’s so much we don’t know but we are proving a lot of the occult things are real! Real? How can we prove anything about that, you said it best yourself we don’t know and there is more evidence that leads us to think this is it. But Science is proving it and Science is fact! No Jules Science is fiction, you are living in a fantasy land and I am sorry to be the one to tell you Santa Clause isn’t real, its time to wake up and see the world for what it is. With a heavy sigh Jules punched will in the shoulder. Fine, I see there’s little I can say to convince you Will. I have to get back to work here in a few minutes I really think you should look in to these things and see if it helps any. I know you don’t believe in any of that but whats the worse that could happen, I’ll send you some links. Laughing and with a smile “Sure, try to have a good day dude ill text you later”.

The Rain poured like a blanket drenching the land to the bones. Thunder crackled and off in the distance a bright flash of light lit up by its after effects on the human vision. Something in the shape of a Dog was cowering and shaking, trying to hide under the two people. Margret I told you it was just a dream, I am ok! No you aren’t you’ve been up the last week having these nightmares and now im worried for you, Honey if you aren’t sleeping neither am I, You are to heavy to sit there Cassie; The Dog was trying to sit on the woman’s lap. Doctor Sanchez said one session with him and we will be able to tell whats going on with these dreams. Wills Sigh was exasperated, Ok if it means this much to you then ill go do this thing, Jules was trying to convince me to use; and I will use his words “A WEE GEE board” they both laughed. Well his heart is in the right place Will maybe a Ouija board isn’t what we need but I have some old tarot cards, How about we break them out? They guided my life pretty well until we met honey. I don’t know Margret I don’t think those cards will help me. William Edwards! I am sorry you had a few bad experiences with this sort of thing but im only trying to help. Where are those cards at? I think I have them upstairs in one of the closets. Ill go grab ‘em, the Dog nearly tripping the woman as she went up the stairs made a yipe, Fuh! Damn it dog! Go to daddy!

Sit right there, Margret pointed at the carpet right outside the closet. Right here? Will said grinning. Yes right here! Come on Love lets see what the Spirits have to tell you!! As the rain came down like great buckets from the gods the couple sat pouring over the cards. What do the spirits say for Gemini? The words echoed off the walls. Both people yelled at the same time, Cassie! The dog had walked over the cards laid out on the ground. Picking up one card Will handed it to the young woman sitting across from him. It’s backwards, what does this card mean? Oh Hun, The four of cups in reverse reminds us to see all the good things being offered to us in the present. Thinking too far ahead, or dwelling on things long past can rob you of the now. What are you dwelling on love? Is everything alright? I don’t know Margret, I’ve been stressed due to lack of sleep but I don’t think there’s anything I’m dwelling on I mean I can’t think of anything I might be stuck on.

Alright Mr. Edwards this is a safe place where no judgement happens just make yourself at home and try to relax. Honestly Doc I’m not sure about all this. Will looked around the room, I don’t know if this is the right thing for my insomnia plus I don’t think i can be hypnotized I mean I have a hard time even convincing myself to go to work some days. The clock was ticking so loud Will thought he would go insane if he had to sit here for too much longer. You would be surprised as to how many of my clients say similar statements, Mr. Edwards I assure you my practice is proven and sound. You are in good hands. Now one of our policies is we collect some information from our clients do you mind if I ask you a few questions pertaining to your physical and mental health? I guess, what kind of questions are we talking about? Our first question is would you say you’re a generally happy man? Happy? Y-yes I suppose, I have a great job a wonderful wife and a Pit-bull. My life has never been better, what does this have to do with my dreams Doc? My list has specially been designed to help for this circumstance Mr. Edwards I assure you, Alright Question two. Do you have any history with psychotropic drugs? Would a Antidepressant count as psychotropic? In most cases yes, don’t worry we don’t report any findings to any authority. Question three. How often would you say you brush your teeth? Will looked puzzled, Excuse me? Please Mr. Edwards these questions are important, Answer them as best you can. Alright I brush before bed every day. An eye brow raised a little bit, Doctor Sanchez adjusted himself in his seat. And how much Fluoride would you say you and your wife…? I assume, are in taking daily? The Doctor peered over his clipboard waiting for a reply. Margret’s allergic to fluoride so we found a place with a well and as for our teeth we use fluoride free toothpaste. The Doctor straightened, I think I’m beginning to have an understanding of the situation Mr. Edwards. These are a sedative for those who have a harder time going under the pendulum so to speak. The Doctor was standing there smiling but to Will it wasn’t a friendly gesture. Um do you think we can do this without the medication first? I’m not a fan of taking pills to be honest. Please Mr. Edwards these are all natural sedatives, they wont fail you on a urine screening and also they are hypoallergenic, anyone can take them even children newly born. Grabbing the little paper cup with the pills in it Will looked at them. I guess its OK, will I be able to drive when I leave here? The Doctor handed Will a glass of water. Here you go please drink the entire glass of water Mr. Edwards and yes you will be fully clear headed and able to drive when you leave from here. Alright Doc Will said with a face as he swallowed the medication, when will this hit me? Just lay back Mr. Edwards you should be feeling the effects almost at once, can you tell me how many fingers I’m holding up? As his vision began to blur Will started panicking, Doc whats going on? I-I cant move! At this time two other men entered the room, as the darkness enfolded around Will he heard the Doctor say tie him down.

Wake up. My son, Wake up! Class is about to start so wake up! What? Will sat up and looked around, what? Stop saying what young man and get to school! The woman demanded. Whats going on? Who are you? The woman's stance assumed that iconic stance that all woman get when patience is running thin. I am not playing games and neither are you! Get up! The woman yanked the bed covers from the young man. Hey! What are you…looking down Wills legs had tanned quite a lot since he remembered seeing them last and they were quite a bit smaller. What the!? A million thoughts raced through his head. Arawakan! Don’t make me get your older brother to grab you and drag you to class again and you know he cannot be bothered with this, he is going through Melody training today. Huh? What did you call me? Will was yanked from bed by what looked like a seven foot tall bronze god, help!! Oh there is no help for you today remarked the incredibly tall young man holding Will by the arm pits.

Arawakan your late, why don’t you give us the reason why? The man at the head of the class said with hands on his hips. Um…? I don’t think I should be here will stammered. The giant escorting Will pushed him so hard that he fell hitting his shoulder on the podium at the front of the class. I had to drag him down here out of bed because he thinks sleep is more important said the giant. Standing up Will looked around, why is all of this so familiar? Wills shoulder throbbed. Go sit down little Bro and learn something useful said the tall young man. Will walked down the aisles of seats and sat down, looking around his eyes met with a young man a few rows back. His face said a lot but it was as if he didn’t belong here either. The older man at the head of the class Boomed “We have an old saying on the island, if the island does not like you it will spit you out.” But? But? Exclaimed a girl near the back, then why are there so many people I don’t like!? By then the entire class had erupted into laughter and crude remarks. QUIET!!!! Bellowed Wabeno the teacher of the day and today the kids got the head of the fishing fleet. Alright class I suppose I could share the super-secret reason why Penutia seems to not like anyone. Wabeno says with a grin. Oh! Oh! A young man near the back of the class erupted, hand high in the air waving frantically. Its because she was out after curfew with Athabaskan doing naughty things!!! Please just once can you be serious? No class its because…. Both of you, eyes and ears up front! Penutia and another girl were whispering back and forth snickering. Watching this for as long as she could an older woman in the doorway chuckled to herself, stepping out of the warm noonday rain, Kids! Kids! She lowered her head and waves of thought hit the classroom as soundless as a small field mouse breaking wind and as powerful as a blue whale breaching, Wills head suddenly started to buzz. A presence filled his head and even though there were no words he felt a wash of calmness radiate over him. alright class please inform your parents and guardians there is a village gathering tonight and its wet outside so don’t forget your rain covers! Will was hit with a head ache so bad he almost fell out of his seat, Wills head swam with a flood of memories that weren’t his but felt like they fit. I must be going crazy! With a warm smile and open arms some of the girls ran over and embraced the woman. Alright children this is important, don’t forget about the gathering tonight, you are dismissed! The woman had almost yelled over the almost preteen crowds ramblings. Will was astounded. He remembered getting up this morning, this morning in his home with the Tv and his computer but now he also remembered going to bed last night in his home made from grass and bamboo, he had never been hunting in his life but now he remembered two days ago when him and his older brother successfully hunted down and caught and wild boar with their dads lucky bow. What the hell is going on he thought?

Part 2

When I woke up this morning I never would have thought I would be saying this, but I believe we have found him. And what makes you think this? The voice on the other end of the line asked. We have had an eye on this one for quite some time Sir, we have him in custody and right now we are doing several tests to verify this. Doctor Sanchez I am not sure you are aware of how important this is, there is a lot riding on this and you have no idea how much I have personally invested in you and your, The voice on the other end of the line cleared his throat. Methods and if you aren’t correct one hundred percent about this one the ceasing of your funding will be the least of your concerns. Do not let me detain you, the phone beeped marking the end of the call. The man’s posture relaxed a little. Two men who were mumbling outside the door while he was on the phone knocked and came in the door, Sir we have a situation with subject number seven. As the three men rushed down the hallway the sounds of screaming and banging became louder and louder. Noooo!!! The voice of a young man bellowed. The banging intensified, I need 15 ccs of Benzodiazepine now! The two other men were in the process of tightening the tie downs that held the young man. The figure of a nurse came shuffling in from a side room, hold her down! No! No! No! The young man tried to flail, Nooo!!! He bellowed again but this time the voice rasped. The two men jammed a cloth gag in the young man’s mouth. There we are just breathe Daniel everything will be fine. The young man’s movements became sluggish and his eyes drooped. There we are see? Isn’t it easy to relax now? Get him hooked back up the Doctor demanded, why is the machine disconnected? Get this thing going and crack it to sixty five percent! Doctor he was going into cardiac arrest we had to disconnect him and administer an epinephrine injection, Doctor his nervous system can’t handle this level of stress. Breathe, just breathe. See isn’t it easy to relax now? The man’s voice echoed in Daniel’s head.

A sound like a yak making its last noises before it died trumpeted right outside his window. Daniels eyes sprang open and he bolted upright. With eyes that were full of globs, he had guessed he had he had been drinking the night before and had a few bad dreams. What the fuck? A rather large pinkish courts crystal started to pulse when he looked at it. Am I still drunk? He said out loud. Holy shit! Looking around his eyes started focusing on objects in the room. He was really confused by this point, well whatever I did last night ill try to make it up to whoever lives here and I hope they will forgive me for using some of these clothes till I can find mine. A mirror made from what appeared to be like hammered and polished copper looked back at him, what did I drink last night?? He almost screamed. The face looking back at him was so young maybe twelve or so with a tan that almost matched the copper mirror, what the hell!! What is going on? The level of panic was at a whole new level and Daniel stopped cold. His head was starting to clear now. Walking over to the crystal he reached out and the pulsing intensified. The urge to touch the crystal was demanding him forward. The crystal flashed, the light was blinding. A second set of memories faded in to his thoughts. Sitting down on the bed he rested his head in his hands, his thoughts revolved around getting another drink or at least a drink if those weren’t dreams. It felt to Daniel like he was receiving a data download to his memories. I was born here he said to himself with tears in his eyes, this is my room. Well, I had better get to class I guess Daniel said with a grunt getting up. I miss pizza already.

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stvrmwitch · 7 years

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Fave Reads of 2017

(in alphabetical order)

Eliza and Her Monsters

The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet

Motor Crush

Patsy Walker, Aka Hellcat! (and vol. 2)

Ramona Blue

Saga

Spell on Wheels

Strange the Dreamer

We Are Okay

When Dimple Met Rishi

I came into 2017 riding a two year reading slump. Comics were a major factor in turning that around, as well as actively choosing books over Netflix many a time. Unsurprisingly, my tbr pile has grown much faster than my finished pile. Still, I’m really proud that -after force feeding myself six books in 2016- I not only hit but nearly doubled my goal of 25 this year.

Here’s to 2018 being an even better year for reading!

More below about why each made this list.

Eliza and Her Monsters

Took me back! To be sure, I was never famous but I was definitely in the fanfiction game during college. So major points to this one for providing me nostalgia.

It also dug deep into the split between worlds, the internet you vs. you irl. Especially when internet you is an escape, no matter how similar that is to you irl. It shows how the greater an imbalance exists -esp. if your mental health at all hinges on internet validation- the barrier between your worlds can (and most likely will) rupture and send you spiraling.

The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet

The worldbuilding. It’s magnificent, thorough, and pretty much convinces you that author Becky Chambers has secretly traveled the universe and simply returned with notes.

Motor Crush

Honestly it’s just cool and queer. There’s action, a little mystery, a lot of sci fi, and it left me hungry for volume two.

Patsy Walker, Aka Hellcat! (and vol. 2)

A hero burnt out on all the trauma she’s accumulated takes a break from the big scale stuff. Patsy is so pure and upbeat, and anytime someone tries to undermine her intellect or ferocity because of her positivity, she’s quick to shut it down.

There’s a moment in volume two where she even has to gently remind a good friend that their rightful anger doesn’t justify taking it out on her. The message being: respect is important and boundaries shouldn’t waver because you care about the person who crossed them.

Ramona Blue

A girl who knows (very comfortably!!!) that she likes girls learns that her sexuality isn’t done revealing itself. Reinforcing the idea that labels only matter if they feel right for the wearer, and can change if it starts to feel scratchy, is so healthy and rarely seen.

There was storied backlash at Ramona Blue before its release. I won’t speak for anyone though I suspect it came from this idea that if you’re at the far end of a spectrum and you start sliding around and end up somewhere that isn’t an extreme, you’ve walked back your sexuality. But that’s really not how it works.

We don’t discover ourselves that way.

In practice, it’s like walking through a door and thinking you’ve reached your destination, then eventually noticing another door or a window. Or a goddamn ax because there are lots of people who’ve gotta work for it. It’s definitely not always walking back through the same door you’d come in through to a room you were already in.

Ramona takes the ax.

Saga

I'd say Saga comes with its own reputation. The art is amazing, the story is thrilling and intriguing and a host of other things that have all been said before. I’ll add that it’s totally worth the hype!

Spell on Wheels

Follows three witches on a road trip to retrieve their stolen belongings.

If you want an example of effortless diversity, check out this comic. The leads are varied in speech, tastes, interests, skills, looks (more on this in a minute), POV, sexuality, backstory. They’re fully realized. Also #girlssupportinggirls!!

Looks. I love how this comic is drawn. Everybody -both the leads and the people they meet along the way- has their own personality drawn in. Facial features vary greatly, body type, fashion, hairstyle. It’s not unheard of obviously, but it’s not a way to pit anybody against each other rather than to reflect reality. No one with a closet has the exact same wardrobe as everybody else, and even a similar taste in clothing doesn’t mean you’ll style a dress the same way. It just made me happy when I noticed all the little individuality quirks.

Strange the Dreamer

One of the few books this year that pained me to put down. I didn’t want to go to work or sleep or feed myself. I just wanted to finish reading Strange the Dreamer. Laini Taylor’s writing is goals. Lazlo Strange is a damn mood. And the book is absorbing from page one.

We Are Okay

Most cathartic read of my life.

When Dimple Met Rishi

I actually didn’t finish this one!! I have about 50 pages or so left, but even still. It feels like the perfect summer day just thinking about this one. It’s vibrant and warm, and the characters are instantly lovable. The romance is sweet and affecting. And I just generally recommend picking this one up if you haven’t yet.

#booklr #revive booklr #books #book recs

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chamgomlem · 5 years

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Fragility of Glass / Part 1 {Sanson}

There was a gentle sigh that escaped from the lips of a slumbering assassin. The sound of him coming back from another night of nightmare-less rest, and upon opening his eyes, the look of content reflects off of them. Body stretching, rising up to his side and now sitting at the end of his bed, Sanson could not help but allow himself to dwell on this so-called 'dream' once again.

Yes, this was not the first time he had this dream. In fact, he had been having it for a few months now. Not that he was complaining, of course, because this particular dream had left him absolutely breathless. He could not pinpoint why, but he recalled the dream leaving him with a warmth in his chest.

Instead of wrapped in the darkness that had been plaguing him ever since his first summoning, the executioner found himself bathed in the brilliance of a warm white light. The rays graced each and every corner of himself, as if to banish and fight the dark away from touching him anymore.

No, instead, he was now graced with something blessed. No, not something. Someone. Within the white light, he had continuously seen a figure reaching out for him. The red color from the pair of gloves that would gently touch his own would squeeze slightly, enticing him to return such a tender gesture with his own.

No sounds except for her innocent giggling would fill his senses, and such a sound would render him at ease. The graceful smile of those lips, the softness of her voice- he could not resist the request to dance with her even if he did not want to.

And he DESIRED to.

"Marie..."

His voice is filled with a sensation of delight. His eyes, holding the pure gaze of the Queen, were not the usual distant frostiness he usually carried. No, they were warm. The closest anyone has ever come to witnessing the executioner in a state of admiration. Love?

The way they both moved, his hand on her waist, and her other hand intertwining her fingers with his own, was as if they had done this thousands of times. That each individual dream was its own unique encounter with the dear Queen and himself. That was possible, right? Being with another Servant, or Master, even while dreaming?

How could he tell? Some part of him did not want to ask. Only enjoy this moment, even if it was a mere dream.

Blinking his eyes to snap out of the daze he put himself in, Sanson looked down at his hands. Even now, he could still feel her warmth upon the palms of his hands. Closing his fingers, as if to keep the warmth inside, he sighed softly and proceeded to get up in order to ready himself for more gathering missions. He was sure that the Master would want him to do more of those, since those were his more frequent types of missions compared to the amount of fighting, which had been significantly low the past few months.

In a way, the correlation between the missions he had been given and the dreams that he had been having... he couldn't shake off the fact that perhaps they were linked?

Was there a reason why he was no longer fighting? Just as the sudden jump start in dreams?

Frowning to himself, the man closed his eyes and shook his head. He shouldn't worry about something so trivial. Even if there WAS a meaning behind it, did he honestly want to change anything now, since nothing was ultimately hurting him? That now, he felt as if he had been living the most calm atmosphere? It didn't erase the fact that he wanted to know more about these dreams. About dancing with Marie- and if she had been having those dreams, too.

He felt warmth creeping up his face for a mere moment. It had been a while- months, even, since he had last spent time with her. Since she was the most popular pick by the Master.

Yes, he will stop and talk to her. He decided while passing through his door- "Oh, it's our favorite Executioner. How fun that we get a chance to run into each other~!" The sing-song voice could only belong to one man, and the assassin LOATHED the thought of being bothered by the Caster; Amadeus Mozart. He had been eerily chipper around him more than usual. In fact, way too friendly. He had not pitched a single threatening line or insult towards him. Now that he thought about it, it felt like months, too...

"What, you don't want to spend time with one of your best friends~?"

"I'm not your best friend." A negative tone in his voice, but otherwise, Sanson couldn't help but feel wary. His usual annoyed expression plastered over his face. "Now if you excuse me, I need to find someone important."

"Oh~? Mind if I tag along? If you're looking for Her Majesty, I know just where to find her~!"

Eye twitch. How irritating.

"No. Now go away." No, of course Mozart wouldn't go away. In fact, he tsk'd as Sanson pushed by him, innocently following behind the executioner as he played with his musical Baton at his fingertips.

Oh yes, this was going to be interesting, indeed.

While his strides had been long, Sanson was internally grumbling at the fact that the Caster behind him kept on purposefully striding next to him. Keeping his distance, the assassin kept on moving forward. He had an instinct; he felt as if he just knew where she was at.

"Well, come on. Spit it out, something is on your mind. You can tell me, you know it's bad for your sad little health to hold everything in." Mozart chides, eyes casting over at the Assassin just in time to see his eyes narrow. This man was never going to learn.

"Nothing is on my mind. Look, you're better off if you bother someone else about their own mental and physical health."

A silent pause, as if Mozart were truly giving it a really deep thought. Then, clicking his tongue, the musician simply answers back with a sly smile.

"Nah. We both know no one else will pester you like I would~!"

A roll of his eyes, and finally, the duo arrived at their destination; the training simulators. If his instinct was right, then Marie should be around here somewhere...

"Ah, her crystals are still as beautiful as ever." He heard Mozart's compliment, and following the man's gaze, he noticed the invisible wall that overkept the whole fighitng simulation. Inside was a wide, grassy field with the occasional white and red carnation waving back with the wind. In the middle, of course, were two servants.

On one side, her hand gracing across the air with a trail of sparkling crystals following behind, Marie's smile had widened when she fixated her attention onto her lovely knight before her; D'Eon. The Knight's cape had flown back in order to avoid the fighting simulator's boars from ramming into her, and while hoisting herself up and jumping out of the boar's way, Marie had formulated an array of crystalized stairs to catch D'Eon's feet in mid-air. Step by step, each were formed as D'Eon hurried across the diamond dusted stairway and finally turned her sword. SHIING-! The blade slices the creature, which disperses into many particles of green. A hologram, but a realistic hologram that could dish out pain nonetheless.

With the fight over, the simulator suddenly began to shimmer. It seems as if their training was over. Just in time, too. "Me first~!" Mozart easily reaches for the door to open for the two servants. Sanson, meanwhile, gave Mozart a rather annoyed look. "You don't have to announce it, you know. It makes you seem arrogant. Then again, you ARE arrog-"

"Hello! Wassup, guys~!" The familiar voice easily cut out the words the assassin was going to say, because now his attention shifts from the musician, to D'Eon, and finally, to the Queen herself. D'Eon, of course, lifts an amused brow at the two men before them. Bickering, like always, she sees.

"Your Majesty-"

"Your training was as beautiful as always. The both of you, of course~" Mozart winked, his smile turned up in a pleasing grin. He is well aware that D'Eon has her eye on both of them, so he is of course on his best behavior!

Casting a glare at Mozart, Sanson shook his head and returned his attention onto the duo before them. His expression now relaxed and the small smile returns onto his face.

"I have to agree, and add that your combined strengths work together pretty well. I am amazed."

Sanson then felt warmth in his chest when he gazes at Marie; into the two blue pools of her eyes, and suddenly he was distracted. "Marie, Mozart! You're needed for our next mission! Hurry up and get ready, please-!" A sudden voice rang out to the four of them and, to their surprise, they all noticed that Mash had found them loitering around.

"Another singularity?" D'Eon pondered, and Sanson suddenly felt himself frown. Of course, of all people, Mozart was going to tag along with her. Great. "Ah, perfect~ Sorry, Sanson. Maybe next time you can have a turn, but this time, it's me and Marie! Come on, Marie, let us hurry~!" Mozart's hand had grasped for Marie's in a gentle clasp. It seems as if they would have to hurry off in a rush!

"Oh-! Well, okay! We will catch each other in our next training, D'Eon!" Marie chirps, and then smiles sweetly at the executioner. "It's a promise, okay, Charles? We will catch up later!"

With a flick of Mozart's cape, the Caster and Rider finally hurried themselves away, leaving both him and the knight alone near the simulator. A pit of jealousy was rousing in the pit of Sanson's stomach, and he already felt himself glare down at the floor. Damn, Amadeus. He always gets everything.

A soft huff, and Sanson notices that D'Eon has not moved from her spot. The two usually quiet Servants stood there for another awkward moment, before finally, the executioner cleared the silence with a clear of his voice.

"I assume you want me to leave you to your next training then?"

The knight opens her mouth, then closes it. Her eyes observing Sanson, her grip tightening at the hilt of her sword.

"I could... although I would need someone to spar with in my next training." She looks at him with a raised brow. "Interested?"

{Part 1} {Part 2} {Part 3}

#( Sticks this here cause im going to continue this when I get the chance to )#Muse {Charles Henri Sanson}#Drabble {Charles Henri Sanson}#Fragility of Glass {Charles Henri Sanson}#Fandom {Fate: Grand Order}

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tube-thoughts-blog · 6 years

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Vol. 15

zero stars - terrible, 1/2 a star - dull, 1 star - folly, 1 1/2 stars - lacking, 2 stars - fair, 2 1/2 stars - decent, 3 stars - terrific

The Haunted: Stalked By A Vampire *Bumps in the night & an invisible sucker of energy, Animal Planet? Okay, the family had a dog & 2 cats, animal enough for ya? A mom of 5, w/ a husband away at work all the time, projects her somber moods over certain recent life events, like her admitted miscarriages, onto her family. Instead of time spent really trying in the care of mental health experts, paranormal "experts" are called in. The spook investigators sound like they're making a metaphor about this "energy Vampire" continuing to follow this woman around as if they really meant to be saying her mental health problems. Sadly, they're serious only about the supernatural & not this woman or family's mental well being.* 1 star

Jerry Springer: "I'm Happy I Cut Off My Own Legs!" *A middle aged man turned trans-gender woman achieves another lifelong goal when "she," after many hilariously described failed attempts (homemade guillotine), discovers that a power saw is the right tool for the job. On a side note, Caitlyn Jenner is still a former male Olympics track star w/ both "her" legs.* 1 star

The Comfort Zone w/ Ray Comfort: Ken Ham "Aliens Go To Hell" (Live Interview) *The creator of the Creation Museum claims to be saying that he doesn't believe that NASA is complete nonsense, but he suggests that it's a waste of time & money. From the smarmy & unfunny remarks of Ken, Ray, & the other co-hosts/tools it's obvious that they're attempting, & failing, in trying to tie the secular scientific community in w/ hardcore UFO believers.* 1 star

Penn & Teller Bullshit!: Twelve Stepping & Hypnosis *Have a disease? Then get on your knees. Close your eyes, count backwards, & you're cured.* 3 stars

--- Everything Is Terrible:

*M... Kay...: God first, money second, cosmetics third, individuality somewhere after family & a career w/ Mary Kay.* 2 1/2 stars

*Pre-Marital Sex Who Do You Listen To: Listen to the dorky 80s rock band PETRA, some supposed experts in the emerging HIV-AIDS crisis who have an obvious religious bias, & your local Republican congressman & or minister... heck could have been dad's country club golf buddy / spiritual guru of the green. Keep your privates holy & clean.* Decent

*Sheep: "Have you ever had a mountain top experience, girls?" We know that if you listen to this Peggy Hill look-&-act-a-like w/ her own baaaa talk show, you haven't had a female orgasm, because that's not righteous of a lady, baaaaa!* either 1 or 3 stars

*Evolution Is, As Evolution Does: "A dog, a wolf, a coyote, & a banana. Which is not like the others?" I give up. I need further religious instruction to answer this question or parable. Oh, it's not a parable? It's just an attempt to disprove evolution... banana!* Folly! me banana. Daylight come & me still don't know if earth 6 thousand or 6 billion old!

*2 Minute - The Second Coming: End times & a non-believer can't even get a cheeseburger & a medium coke w/out the mark of the beast or ending up like an unfortunate soul in a story by Edgar Allan Poe.* either 1 or 3 stars

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GoodBadFlicks.com : Dead Heat *Treat Williams looks so much like Bill Pullman. Treat Williams makes a great zombie.Treat Williams & Joe Piscopo make a great buddy cop duo. The 80s were probaby the only decade that a great zombie cop buddy action comedy could be made.* 3 stars for the review

--- Siskel & Ebert: The Worst Films of 1984 (aka The Stinkers of 84)

*Always loved the intros for Siskel & Ebert. I'm more familiar w/ the one from my childhood where they meet out in front of the theater looking grumpy while buying newspapers & paying the cabbie. This one is from close to a decade earlier & they're much more cheery fellows as they go about a quirky routine of getting their movie concession snacks.

*Sheena, Queen of the Jungle: Roger thinks that Sheena isn't even a good bad movie w/ inappropriate music for the action scenes "sounds like it belongs in a honeymoon video" & Tanya Roberts not being sexy enough. I like that Roger is thinking like Joe Bob. Yeah, doesn't look great to me. Yep, 80s & before were about the only time a blonde white chick could be seriously considered a jungle queen.* looks like folly

*Rhinestone: Siskel isn't fond of hearing Sylvester Stallone sing bad country music in a popular, at the time, urban cowboy genre disaster. I wouldn't either. Dolly Parton is his co-star & it looks like they had zero chemistry. Could have been the awful dialogue. More weird is that Stallone seemed to be trying a southern accent... ugh...* 1 star

*Bolero: Roger & Gene like Bo Derek better in Tarzan & 10. This is one of those infamous movies that true film fans always hear about & torture themselves with. No thanks. Looks awkward & one of those arthouse flicks that make sex dull.* 1/2 a crushed matador's penis

*Cannonball Run 2: Gene can't appreciate a country wide car race movie that only has a small animated car race at the end. I remember liking these Cannonball Run movies as a kid. Not sure if they still hold up. Probably couldn't stomach so much of Burt's physicalcomedy. Dom Deluise makes me slightly chuckle though.* close to 2 stars

*City Heat: Roger thinks that bad action & bad comedy equals a bad movie. Siskel thinks that the actors slept walked through the making of it. One would think that an Eastwood & Reynolds 1920s or 30s gangster buddy film would have some entertaining value, but it looks like it was played way too tongue in cheek.* 1 star

*Dune: Siskel & Ebert think Dune was squandered potential. Turning out to be dusty in its ugly presentation & confusingly boring. As poorly made as "an old serial like Captain Video." Dune is another divisive infamous movie. I'm not qualified enough to comment on it as I've never gotten around to seeing it. Only David Lynch movie that I haven't.*

*Siskel & Ebert's honorable mentions of 84:

*Friday the 13th, The Final Chapter: "Bad news it won't be the last one." Respectfully, I say, screw you, Gene. Lucky for us 80s kids, he was right.*

More than decent.

*Windy City: "Tearjerker about a guy mostly in love with himself." A forgettable romantic comedy looks like. Every generation of movie goers has hundreds of 'em.* Dull.

*The Woman in Red: "Kelly LeBrock was not on screen enough." - Siskel. Also starring Gene Wilder lusting over her. Can't blame either Gene.* could be fair.

*Where The Boys Are: "Sex & surf replaced by inflatable dolls & sun tan lotion." - Ebert. Sounds like Roger is bitter about being too old & chubby to go to the beach where they were filming 80s sex comedies. Was it a sex comedy?* another could be fair.

*Best Defense: "A stupid military espionage story." starring Dudley Moore & Eddie Murphy .Murphy was already teaming up w/ other actors to make bad comedy movies in 84? I thought Eddie was on fire until some time in the 90s when he started screwing up.* early folly

*Harry & Son: "Painfully contrived" father son movie featuring Paul Newman.* skip, 1/2 star

*Silent Night, Deadly Night: "Crude, mean spirited slasher movie" & not a Holiday classic? What did Gene expect? It's A Wonderful Life? Thank Santa for mean spirited 80s holiday themed slasher movies. Again, this time I'll have to respectfully disagree w/ a generation of movie reviewers my parents' age who just didn't get a certain genre's finer points.* more than decent

Gene promises a feature on Hollywood's hottest new comic. Coming, next week, "The Secret of Bill Murray." Ha. Awesome time period.

Siskel & Ebert are sponsored by: Diet Shasta (generic soda for generic people like Gene & Roger), Pan Am airlines for those who wanna be spread across the Pacific ocean like so much untraceable no rescue debris... Raisinets & Goobers... Glade Smoke Away fordingy smokers who stink & wear dingy colored clothes like Gene & Roger & every other adult in the early 80s...

Roger & Gene separate at the entrance to leaving the theater. Trying to pretend that they don't secretly go to a motel together after the movies.

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Occult Demon Cassette presents "Rock, It's Your Decision" 1982 (Christian Anti-Rock VHS) *It's your decision to surrender to your parents' & youth minister's opinion on devil music. That is unless you, being a dumb teenager wasting precious brain cells on rock & bible school lessons, can find, via religiously biased "research" materials backed up by scripture, a damn good reason to damn your soul to hell with rock music. Bwahahaha! That laugh might have sounded evil. But it came from a wholesome, square & uptight, while at the same time trying to be understanding to teens, youth minister.* folly

Uncharted Zone: I Only Set the Stage - Paul Gormley *Dad rock in dad jean shorts. She devil in red. The pit of hell & horrible green screen amateur music video fx. Also that ole aging rocker cosplay Satan himself.* close to 2 stars

--- Night Flight (1990):

*A jean ensemble wearing 80s teen breaks into the carnival to blast his rock cassette ove rthe audio system & to ride the rollercoaster all by himself. Sony "Take It For A Spin" 2 1/2 stars

*West Michigan's "Kids Film Festival" featuring "Problem Child 1"... "The Jetsons Movie"... Bill Cosby's "Ghost Dad"... "The Jungle Book".. "Back to the Future 3"...* 2 1/2 stars

*"Give 'Em A Brake!" road worker safety ad sponsored by the "Detroit Pistons" & the Michigan Department of Transportation. I don't want to sound like Bill O'Reilly, here, but looking at the short shorts on the early 90s NBA players makes me miss pre-HIP HOP fashions & attitudes NBA. Not a lot of disgusting tattoos either. They actually look like basketball players not "thugs" in baggy pajamas.* more than 2 stars

*Toon Theater - Goodnight Norma... Goodnight Milton: A miserable couple show their very grotesque secret sides when they get home from a night out with "friends" that they despise behind closed doors.* 3 stars

*Night Flight bumper featuring Bela Lugosi & Boris Karlof playing a game of chess.* 3 stars

*"They're young, they're beautiful, & we have their private phone numbers." Call 1 900... Yeah, I seriously doubt beautiful women want their private phone numbers given out to perverts.* more than 2 1/2 stars

*A bald middle aged man is positively thrilled w/ his game show experience on Grand Rapids tv's "The Jokers Wild."* 2 1/2 stars

*A kid sits on his carpet floor playing w/ his firetruck dreaming about one day becoming a fireman. On the 13 inch t.v. starts playing a cheesy jingle "America needs you... America needs me... America the beautiful, we're gonna save the free... So, I'm gonna be the best that I can be because America needs me!" The kid is magically transported onto the back of a firetruck on a fire & rescue mission. He's zapped back to his living room floor w/ a new "America Needs Me!" t-shirt. He gives a thumbs up & says "Drug Free"... Central Michigan Substance Abuse Center... Huh? What the hell did the fireman fantasy have to do with drugs? I'm so confused.* close to 3 stars or 1 star

*Extreme closeups of mouths as they give confessions to the camera "I couldn't help myself" along with pulsating drum & synth music as the off camera industrial fan blows the hotmodel's hair as she holds an ominous red telephone not connected to anything. It's not a wireless phone, it's one of the old school curved chorded phones, so that's why it looks odd to me & I've decided to comment on it & waste words doing so.* 3 stars

*A grandma sits down in the rocking chair, in her shack, to tell a bedtime story to a young child... for some reason, it appears that the tape cuts out & shoots to somethingelse.. not sure if this is part of the story... doesn't seem so... maybe I'm wrong

*"From Outerspace They Came" logo for a 50s sci fi style flick

*Now claymation monsters in a claymation city... looks great

*Guitar solo & the beginning of "Would you take me to Funky Town" cool

*50s sci fi space explorers sit back & prepare to be blasted off into space... I'm ready

*Logo for "Space Monster" where an astronaut encounters a creepy looking humanoid alien who won't stop flicking his tongue.* Weird, thumbs up

*Grandma's back to tell another story... So, I guess beginning w/ the first time we saw her that was the first Night Flight video essay.* 3 stars for that one

*Here begins another Night Flight Video Essay

*1940s looking cartoon screen card for "The Pincussion Man" as Bowie & Queen's "Under Pressure" begins to play.

*It's a happy cartoon planet of balloon animal creatures & explosions

*interspiced into that is a 50s era show or movie featuring a guy being hypnotized to walk funny & then being levetated onto a table.* goes together well.* 3 stars for that essay, unless this is gonna be one big long essay. I'm unclear, so I'm breaking it up.

*Grandma's back for her bit & to start another song w/ selected animation / skits for it

*Witchy cat woman Diana Ross leads a hunk, in a white suit, by the hand through a dreamlike black & white world.* She's into horror makeup like her protege Michael Jackson, I guess

*She's a panther woman but she "don't wanna be eaten alive" even though she's planning on sucking the meat from this guy's bones. Eat me, Diana, Mistress of the Motown Night!

*It sounds like Michael Jackson is singing backup vocals on this song. Sounds good & 80s funky.* More than 2 1/2 stars for that one.

*Grandmas back, once again, & once upon a time... But the Nightflight bumper & announcer lady means that entire series of video essays is over, I'm assuming.*

*Not even 20 minutes into this episode of Night Flight & there's already been more entertainment content value than most modern cable channels, much less their lineup of awful shows, feature all fucking day & night long.* Viva Night Flight

*Spooky as shit ad for a psychic hotline. Most psychic hotlines usually feature white & black trash idiots talking about how it helped their relationships or fortunes. This one is complete X-Files nightmare inducing photoshop of Egyptian images, ghost children, zooming cosmos, skulls, phantom robed creatures, & other ancient religious iconography.* 3 stars

*Promo for the tabloid news journal show "Inside Edition" featuring a story on a cop undercover as a teenager. He gets executed by students. Maybe his very adult mustache was a giveaway. His grieving mom is nothing to laugh at, but Inside Edition is the one doing the exploiting, I'm sure. Probably pretending it's some kind of youth crime epidemic & not some random & odd circumstance act. Ah, there's host Bill O'Reilly. Ha.* 1 star

*Ad for a dirtbike arena racing "Thrills & Chills" home video.* I'll pass. 2 stars

*special preview for "Frankenhooker" coming to vhs home video.* 3 stars

*Comedy Cuts - Mario Joyner: Jokes about how black folks don't try to get a fade by frost bite in the Winter like white folk do w/ their sun tan in the Summer.* close to 2 1/2 stars

*Comedy Cuts - Norman Gunston - Roving Reporter: A neurotic Brit raves about some bloodbank conspiracy & then startles random real people on the Hollywood Walk of Fame while asking them for free blood donations. Ha.* close to 3 stars

*Inside Edition promo about Judy Garland's failed comeback tv show. No surprise that this shameless show picks easy targets like dead celebrities. Then, an even more ironic story featuring Bill Cosby talking with teens about sex... Oh, boy....* 1 star

*A morbid "This little piggy" ends in a toe tag for an abused child. In a Child Welfare League of America ad. A grim time period involving child abuse.*

2 stars

*Feature on the resurgence of 70s shock rocker Alice Cooper.* 2 1/2 stars

*Night Flight makes use of their vault of movie & cartoon clips for some horse riding, cowboy, wild indian, kung fu, arabian knight horseback tricks action in a faux ad for "Billy Jo Bob's Riding Academy" "2 Miles Past Bucky's Gunshop"* cool close to 3 stars

*Tuxedo wearing James Stacy holds up a Dirty Harry sized handgun & then says that drunk drivers do more damage. "It could cost you an arm & a leg." He then reveals to be missing both his arm & leg. Heavy, but I'm not sure which statistic is higher for U.S. deaths.* close to 2 1/2 stars. They really don't know how to do effective, startling public service announcements, like this one, anymore.

*Bela Lugosi in "The Phantom Creeps": "Mad Genius Running Wild" the papers say as Bela creates things like a giant killer robot, super villain invisibility, & bombs that can be tossed like firecrackers.* 2 1/2 stars

*Painter Paul Collins shows off his artwork from time spent on a Native American Indian reservation & he calls them an "endangered species" in an ad for the Michigan Indian Child Welfare Agency.* 2 1/2 stars

*The silhoutte of an 80s chick & the breathy words "fantasy phone" must have been enough to get phone sex horny losers to "finish" after the chick tells them "I'll start & yo ufinish." 5 dollars for the first minute. They want their 5 bucks first because they know that you'll finish in under a minute if you're desperate enough to call one of these numbers. Just a "hot" girl speaking to you at all is enough to reach climax.* 2 stars

*Rocky Horror Picture Show - Timewarp: Might have seemed lazy to toss this classic into the late night variety, but it hadn't been done to death by this point or ruined by the awful people involved with the musical show "Glee."*

2 1/2 stars

*The Fleshtones - I Was a Teenage Zombie: Would make a great B-side to "Surfin' Dead" plus the movie clips look decent as well.* close to 3 stars

*Yazoo - Don't Go: Don't remember the video for this being so horror inspired.* Decent

*Sheena Easton - Telephone: All the classic Universal monsters plus a disembodied hand are after Sheena. Can't say that I blame them after she tempted all w/ her "Sugar Walls"* 2 1/2 stars

*Comedy Cuts - Colin Quinn: He pokes fun at growing up Irish-Catholic dealing w/ cop relatives & touchy priests.* close to 3 stars

*Louis Armstrong's "Wonderful World" set to video of kung fu cinematic action.* 3 stars

*Rudy Vallee in The Musical Doctor: A singing emergency room where a "Step & fetch it" black stereotype is seeking treatment. The doc prescribes him the smooth sounds of inter-spliced clips of Sting from The Police (huh? ha!). He's black, so he'll also need a dose of interspliced Chaka Khan's "I Feel For You."* either 1 or 3 stars

*Old old Hollywood clips of beautiful ladies doing some synchronized swimming dances while the Night Flight voice over lady pokes fun at Dr. Vallee's techniques.* 3 stars

*Dr. Vallee has another crazy patient. This one has hammer toe "Stop Hammertime" w/ the MC himself spliced in. No kidding.* 2 1/2 stars

*Another patient is suffering from lack of music, so he gets some Dionne Warwick "That's What Friends Are For" followed by Biz Markie's "Just a Friend" R & B from "Babyface"... blues from some of the masters... more MC Hammer "Can't Touch This"... my my my my.... "Bel Biv Devoe" for dessert...* 2 1/2 stars early Obamacare

*Cultural tv game show featuring everything from President Ike to President Reagan from James Dean to Disco. Hot pants to the VCR. "Tic Tac Dough."* close to 3 stars

*Not ready for tv women in an ad for the Displaced Homemaker Program. This is exactly why women need not to be homemakers or second class citizens. I'm no liberal or femi-nazi controlled thinker, but seeing these poor women's lives ruined after divorce or becoming a widow is just sad & a product of our failure as a society.* 2 stars

*Pretentious Bono in a cowboy hat during one of U2's concert tours from the 80s. One where they're filming it in black & white. He's trying to get art street cred by having blues legend B.B. King join U2 on stage.* 2 stars

*B.B. King - I Need Some Help: performed on what looks like Austin City Limits. This time w/out Bono to ruin the performance.* 2 1/2 stars

*B.B. King - Lucille: Steve Martin, Dan Akroyd, the lovely Michelle Pfeiffer, & Eddie Murphy join B.B. for a quirky video.* close to 3 stars

*Robert Cray - Right Next Door: Rather subdued, sitting alone in an artsy room w/ flowing curtain window w/ bare minimum light shining through it, guitar solo video.* 2 1/2 stars

*Robert Cray - Nothing But a Woman: This video has Cray singing & 80s cartoon graphic sinterspliced w/ Cray & the band video fx. 80s MTV & Monty Python esque* 2 1/2 stars

*Albert Collins - The Trouble W/ Money: This looks like a 70s era performance on something like The Midnight Special. Collins is a haggard looking old school black dude who plays his guitar like he's making love to a woman.*

close to 3 stars

*Renee Taylor's "2" (1967 short comedy film): Parody of pretentious Eye-Talian cinema & modern people's pretentious self loathing in love affairs.*

close to 3 stars

*"Big Cheese & the Food Groupies" California Raisins style animated wholesome snack PSA w/ the characters singing in the fridge for some happy kids.* 2 1/2 weird stars

*Night Flight's Sci Fi Monsters video essay:

*Oingo Boingo - Weird Science: Interspliced w/ old clips of early 20th century films like "A Voyage to the Moon" or whatever it's called.* more than decent

*"We Have the Technology" interspliced w/ the electrocution scene from the 50s classic "Thing from Another World."* close to terrific

*The theme from Doctor Who interspliced w/ Doctor Who style robots & a stadium rock anthem by TimeLords.* 3 stars

*Kate Bush is a spooky banshee in "Experiment 4".* 3 stars

*"Ladies & gentleman, Elvis 1990" a Billy Idol look-a-like spliced w/ scenes of cyberpunk dystopias & Godzilla.* close to 3 stars

*Now a true Elvis look-a-like in outerspace singing "Video Babe" while flying saucers destroy Washington monuments.* 3 stars

*Herbie Hancock's 80s synthesizer classic spliced w/ scenes of early 20th century movie magic explorers encountering dangerous tribe people of the moon.* 2 1/2 stars

*Fishbone? in a weird sci video that ends in a nuclear explosion.*

could be terrific

*Night Flight's Never Coming Attractions:

*GI's go rocket riding in "Invasion of the Star Creatures": Super tall & sexy vixens from the stars encounter some dopey & short in stature army privates who they seduce & unleash kooky monsters upon.*

3 stars, I'd watch it, looks cheesy good.

*"Space Monster": 50s sci fi space adventure where the spaceships & planets are held up by string & the stars are holes pocked in a black canvas w/ light shining through. The alien monster is a humanoid w/ a large head, big ears, & a flickering tongue.* 2 1/2 stars

*Della's Diner, a West Michigan theater presentation of a kitschy diner complete w/ big haired waitresses & eccentric patrons. All presented by the local Grand Rapids tv station.* 2 1/2 stars

*Another "America Needs Me Drug Free" PSA featuring this time a black kid who wants to grow up to be like his black hero fighter pilot. He only got a t-shirt, no ride on the jet like the boy on the firetruck. I guess the Air Force said no. Darn. Do drugs!* 2 stars

*Night Flight's toon theater:

*Mouseferatu: Very well animated & sort of risque. When Mousey finds his intended victim, she's a very sexy pussycat sleeping in the nude. & despite all his rage, he's still just a rat in a cage when daylight comes to turn him to bones.* 3 stars

*Retro black & white clip of some ranch cows & a bull singing a country & western diddy.* 3 stars

*Promo for "Ghoulies 2" on Grand Rapids TV 8.* 3 stars

Following Night Flight on TV 8 is the syndicated cult classic "Dynaman" mock dubbed in English & parodying the already super-weird Japanese Power Rangers pre-cursor.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

"Dog Police" *A nerd rock 80s weirdo band's lead singer takes his werewolf date to the night club where the trench coat "Untouchables" look-a-like "Dog Police" bust her for bestiality?* 3 stars

James Randi Debates Two Mediums & Psychiatrist Brian Weiss *Gay mustache & spirit aficionado James Van Praagh along w/ 20 questions for 20,000 gullible people champion John Edward bring a hack psychiatrist & author of a book about past lives to a debate w/ admitted cynic Randi. Which leads to Randi face palming & taking the whole thing about as serious as one would imagine. CNBC's half zombie half talk show host Charles Grodin seems to be hopeful about the psychic claims.* 1 star

Penn & Teller Bullshit!: Feng Shui & Bottled Water *A refreshing arrangement sold at a bullshit price.* 3 stars

--- DinosaurDracula.com presents Creepy Commercials Countdown:

*ABC TGIF Monster Bash Weekend (1993): The Olsen twins host the Halloween edition of TGIF. When you're 11, you're definitely uncool enough to watch ABC on a Friday night. I still am uncool enough. Family Matters was the Breaking Bad of its era. Boy Meets World never appealed to me. Step By Step was okay. I remember most about it having the guy from the Kickboxer sequel. Hangin' With Mr. Cooper is lame when you think back on it, but it worked for the time. A "cool" middle school or junior high teacher who was down w/ the kids & played basketball. However, nothing about this particular promo is spooky or creepy enough. The 80s would have tried harder w/ the scary theme than the 90s seemed to.* 2 stars

*Real Ghostbusters Super Weapons (1990): Some kids take their awesome Nerf officially licensed Real Ghostbusters toy weapons of minor destruction & chase the poor dog around their spooky dark house. That's what I call fun animal abuse. *wink* 3 stars

*Predator 2 (1990) Movie Promo: I love the narrator's voice describing all of Predator's high tech weapons. Similar sounding voices noted all the high tech features of new cars at the time. It slipped my mind that Bill Paxton is in this movie. Of course everyone who has seen it will remember Danny Glover's manic, awesome performance, or Gary Busey being in it before he went completely off the deep end of eccentricity. But Bill Paxton was in both the Alien & the Predator sequels. That's cool.* 3 stars

*Coca-Cola Classic 'Dracula' (1992): A Bela Lugosi impersonator, in a striking visually black & white castle setting, scares a blonde victim from her sleep. Instead of putting up a cross, in defense, it's a juicy red Coca-Cola can. I guess Dracula's blood sugar was low, because he goes from pale to plump tan in seconds. He bites into the can sideways & slurps the syrupy soda. What coke addict hasn't imagined something similar? The ad end sbadly, however, as it approaches Twilight sparkly "vampire" territory when the spooky couple walk out the door into an animated Disney daytime cartoon scene complete w/ chirping love birds.* either 1 or 3 stars

*Highland Superstores 'Phantom of the Opera' (1989): The organ music from "The Phantom" is still unsettling after around a 100 years of it being in our nightmares. Dinosaur Dracula mentioned this, in his article, & it's true, "appliance stores are dreadfully dull." In the 80s, during the era of dull parents & dingy colors on everything including off white & putrid yellow fridges, microwaves, washers & dryers, & dishwashers. Some were even the same green color of The Creature from the Black Lagoon's bowel movements. If I were "The Phantom" I wouldn't dwell at Highland Superstores. If I were a disgruntled former manager of an appliance store, I wouldn't. Hell would seem happier.* 2 1/2 stars

----------------------------------------

Beavis & Butthead: Plasmatics - The Damned *"Explosions... half naked chicks. This video has something for everyone."*

3 plus stars w/ riffing 3 stars w/out

--- TV Carnage:

*Straight Body Builder Bio #1: "When in Rome do as the Romans do." The Romans did gay stuff in Rome. In Southern California, this feminine Rick James, on roids, can make delicious ancient Chinese herbal tea, draw comics of other buff fantasy masculine heroic figures, strum his string instrument, & play w/ his pooch on the beach.* close to 2 1/2 stars

*Tell Me About It: The reporting from the red carpet premier of Legally Blonde is as dumb & inspid as imagined.* zero stars

*The Hump Day Return of Aids!: "Real men don't talk to their women about sex." Laughs. Huh. Huh. Starts humping potentially aids infected partner.*

2 1/2 stars

*Tom Arnold Stars In Long Lost Porn: Didn't know Tom was so patient & considerate to the half naked chicks he lets ride on the back of his Harley Davidson.* 2 1/2 stars

--------------------------------

"The Last Dragon" (1985) *A midnight movie happening inside another midnight movie featuring kids from Soul Train. Also feels like Motown is making fun of MTV's Cindy Lauper & Madonna.* 3 stars

"Shotgun" (1989) *A buddy cop Lethal Weapon wannabe that's almost as awkward as Samurai Cop. There's a plot about a sicko torturing & killing hookers that's similar to Wings Hauser's "Vice Squad. "Then a finale that's a revenge gunfight south of the border that recalls 70s grindhouse classic "Rolling Thunder" but is more over the top like a Rambo sequel.* between 2 & 2 1/2

Cannon Films "Hospital Massacre" (1981) *Creepy fact: if you ever walk into a room & see someone crawling out a window, looking back w/ a devious smile on their face, know something horrible has happened in the room. Our scream queen, the gorgeous Barbi Benton, doesn't even realize she's being stalked by a slasher for over an hour of the movie. She thinks she's just being inconvenience by hospital procedure red tape & a screwed up test result. However, the kills are bloody good, the atmosphere is spooky, & there's even some black comedy.*

more than 2 1/2 stars or plus

"Video Wasteland Combilation" *Twinkle Twat, feminine deoderant spray. Baby upchuck doll. Punk singer w/ dry heaves. Way USA starring Tesco Vee. Aeon Flux. Tim Allen as Docu-Comic. Dawn of the Night of the Dead - The Musical. John Waters & Divine. West Germany Air Show Disaster. Vincent Price on the 64,000 Dollar Question. LSD-25. This Is Elvis's Birthday '92.* 2 1/2 stars

SCTV Monster Chiller Horror Theatre w/ Count Floyd: The House of Cats *Bored housecats "jumping" at the screen in 3D. Well, at least Count Floyd promises so. John Candy drugs women & turns them into his personal pussycats until they rebel or at least he has to act like they're clawing him, when they couldn't be bothered to even paw.* close to 2 1/2 stars

Brass Eye: Sex *Bad aids vs. good aids, the mucking about homosexual scandal of her majesty's royal navy ,the debasement of an American politician, an asexual man up a pole watching pornography, beating off assailants, Peter Stringfellow, & a giant whore on the loose.* 3 stars

=== Geraldo Rivera: Hate Mongers (1988)

*Skinhead smackdown smashes Geraldo in the schnoz.* 1 infamous star (not of David)

[Note: Geraldo has always loved pouring fuel onto a fire. Not for justly reasons, either. Here it would appear so, to the people of the time period, but fast forward to today & Geraldo is standing among "Black Lives Matter" protestors & telling them that racism no longer exists in America.

Geraldo: race baiter, troublemaker, & obvious fraudulent media manipulator of any era he's in.]

(edit, years later:

I still think Geraldo is a douche, but I've woken up how much of an idiot I was for kind of casually being apathetic to & half way supporting groups like "Black Lives Matter."

I think most everyone has if they don't have "tribal" interests or are a "race blind" moron who'll be dragged into the streets while trying to high five a "friend" of color during a riot or "peaceful" protest someday & be treated to a beating similar to the one Reginald Denny received on CNN in LA in 92 after the Rodney King verdict?)

================================================================================

Mysteries From Beyond the Other Dominion w/ Franklin Ruehl *Eerie coincidences between the Kennedy & Lincoln assassinations. I like the true nerdiness of this early Sci-Fi Channel show. If it were a part of a nerd culture channel or website, today, it would have faux nerd hipsters ironically doing it & not the earnest weirdness of Ruehl & company.* 3 stars

--- Found Footage Fest:

*Special Delivery: "The bitch, the bitch, the bitch," the female dog is having puppies.* 2 1/2 stars

*Something Big: "The first nude pop video" might "offend" as it warns, but the mostly tasteful nude images of big breasted women aren't as obscene as the Euro-sleaze leadsinger's crooning & 70s porno mustache.* 2 1/2 stars

*The Appointment... With Death: You'll never see Hawaii, if you keep smartin' off to the monotone voiced angel of death premonitions.* either 1 or 3 stars

*I'm A Spoon: Women of all body types used to search for that perfect fit, but eventually gave up to the potato sack look of sweatpants w/ sassy slogans on the ass.* 2 stars

*I Gotta Go!: When you get that feeling way down below. A sanitized version of the uh oh diarrhea song from Steve Martin's Parent Trap. There's no Barney the Dinosaur to help the toddlers & kids sing along & poop, but there's a chimp taking a shit (for giggles).* 3turds

----------------------------------

Grandpa Munster's SuperScarySaturday on TBS Superstation: King Kong vs. Godzilla the Debate *Since neither monster can talk, pro wrestling personalities, of the 80s, are doing the cheerleading. Motormouth evangelist look-a-like, w/ a tennis racket, Jim Cornette, preaches for Godzilla, says that his monster is younger than the "dying of old age" King Kong, and he can breathe fire. Lynyrd Skynyrd roadie wannabe Michael P.S. Hayes, standing up for his hairy hero, boasts that Kong can swat planes while still holding onto a babe. I call it a tie. So, would any other fan of both monsters.* 3 stars

--- Occult Demon Cassette Presents: "Exposing the Satanic Web" 1990 (Satanic Panic VHS)

*Yesterday Satanism, today radical Islam, tomorrow extraterrestrial orgasms?

Who knows what the future holds, but the religious right will most likely be there to spread their brand of disinformation.

People really couldn't tell that the crayon drawings of occult rituals were done by adults w/ agendas?

Motley Crue images pop up constantly in these old scare films.

Motley Crue obviously weren't a threat to America's teenagers. They're now bloated white trash rock has-beens trying to get their near elderly groupies to still flash their saggy tits!

Those women didn't end up sacrifices of the devil. They probably had about five dirty young'uns that never got sacrificed either, 'cause Satanic Panic was just that panic that meant nothing.

Nerdy teens who played Dungeons & Dragons didn't role play murder half the parent population in the U.S. No, they're still harmless adult nerds.

The reformed high-priest of Satanism turned Christian now confessing his former dark powers & deeds.

Is it okay that he claims to have committed horrible acts because he's asked for forgiveness from God?

Shouldn't he be in jail? That's proof that he's full of shit. That all of the scare-mongers of these videos are full of shit, & have taken a simple fantasy game, a rebellious youth music that they don't enjoy or understand, & victimless boredom in juvenile property crime through graffiti & tried to turn it into a scare tactic tool to push people fearfully into the arms of the major cult in America, the Christian religions.

Satan obviously wasn't as savvy as these evangelicals who still have the ear of their cult, after all these years, while Motley Crue & Freddy Krueger are no longer being fed virgins at the altar of willing black magic fiends & disturbed teenagers.*

(edit, years later:

Man listen to me. Full on liberal apathy & cynicism disguised as trying to be clever.

I still slightly chuckle at the hysteria of the 80s Satanic Panic.

but to believe Islam isn't an obvious threat to the west is to be in denial or downright actually evil... no hysteria. but truth.

the type of person I was then would rather ignore the truth, & claim it was islamophobia delusion while looking at hipster blogs like dangerousmindsdotnet for the latestdug up piece of pop culture from a bygone era to be mocked

then getting my "news" from the Daily Show w/ it's highly cut & edited slant leaning the views towards an agenda while claiming bias everywhere else & only everwhere else...

I can't say I ever saw any metal heads hold a Satanic animal sacrifice orgy, but I have seen real life footage of hordes of muslims flooding Europe & the after effects in the news

hard evidence of rapes, terrorist bombings / shootings / stabbings / hackings / huge vehicle homicide of dozens / beheadings / literal fucking jihad...

not scaremongering, you blind hipster dope (me, several years ago) but all out war on the civilization that once provided your shits & giggles & safety shelter to enjoy them in w/out getting gutted for being an infidel)

1 star

=======================================================

People Are Talking w/ Tom Bergeron: James Randi Debunks Faith Healer (youtube) *Tom Bergeron sits looking at clips of extremely funny faith healings. One in particular where a fake had played the role of both a crippled man & a woman w/ bad ovaries. This could be America's Funniest Home videos, but sadly Randi points out that the placebo effect of these dramatically staged acts do harm when the believers don't seek real medical help from actual doctors instead of faith healers.* 3 stars

City Confidential: Rock Springs, Deadly Shootout in the Wild West *"Cowboy Caligula."* more than 2 1/2 stars

Viper: Past Tense *Amnesia love affairs, brainwashed agents of assassination, & chance collisions of the heavens. Plays like something noir that would be in Frank Miller's Sin City.* close to 3

Forever Knight: Cherry Blossoms *Vampire detective versus Chinese mafia seeking to slay a wounded witness. Wrongly accused vampire versus elderly Chinese acupuncturist seeking revenge against the vampire who slayed his mother 60 years before.*

between 2 1/2 & 3 stars

The Greatest American Hero: The Best Desk Scenario *Fumbling the ball near the endzone or too many cooks trying to read the anarchist's cookbook.* 2 1/2 stars

Look Around You: Computers *In Bournesmouth, one can bibble or bobble if they're beardless or bearded, but not if they're brandishing a petticoat (female).* close to 3 stars

The Prisoner: Hammer Into Anvil *Creates an unhinged melody.* 3 stars

Farscape: Bone To Be Wild *The old routine of one "submarine" silently hiding from another's radar. Deepspace Donner Party bone eater massacre. Johnny Appleseed "Frankenstein's Monster" look-a-like or Swamp Thing stranded on an asteroid. Our hero Crichton needs to be sensitive to "plant phobia." The spiritual blue alien lady Zan (Xan?) is actually a sentient plant. Captain Ahab under scrutiny. Babysitting a weaponized junior Leviathan (a Death Star in a diaper).* 3 stars

---- Night Visions w/ Henry Rollins:

The Passenger List: A little twilight zone twist & a lot of 9-11 era zeitgeist of airline tragedy grief.* between 2 1/2 & 3 stars

The Bokor: Bayou medical school morphine junkies, grotesque medical cadaver, & a voodoo curse.* more than 2 1/2 stars

Rollins: Puts on a stale attempt at Rod Serling.* between 1 1/2 & 2 stars

------------------------------------

Uncharted Zone: Fifty Dollar Boots - Johnny Fire *50 dollar budget quality black & white video for a rockabilly crooner & his 50 dollar boot wearing chick guitar player.* close to 2 1/2 stars

Beavis & Butthead: Jennifer Tryin - Happier *Gen X drug store despair, Beavis taking diarrhea medicine & pooping a brick that he keeps in his sock drawer, & Butthead wanting to live in denial that he ever heard Beavis talk about it.* 3 stars w/ riffing close to 2 1/2 stars w/out

Justified: Season 1 Episode 6 *"There's more than smart" & there's more than art. Especially Adolf Hitler's shitty art. It's a nebulous or abstract concept.* close to 3 stars

True Detective: Haunted Houses *Still life. Nearer to silence (unholy ghosts) than God.* 3 stars

Hannibal: Trou Normand *Losing time opening doors, unearthing graves, & making monuments to the desecrated.* 3 stars

Penn & Teller Bullshit!: Talking to the Dead & ESP *Party tricks & charades for suckers & the sad.* 3 stars

James Randi's Fiery Takedown of a Psychic Fraud *An admitted wizard takes a lethal overdose of homeopathic medicine to prove a cruel farce.* more than 2 1/2 stars

Ripley's Believe It Or Not! w/ Jack Palance: Episode 3 (1985) *Giant 1980s supercomputers are used to photoshop the Tibetan god-king out of Shangri La, like an impractical automotive 5th wheel or discarded apple peel (peeled by an Edison style mass industrial invention), & placed, by 2001 Hal's robo-cousin, out into the sun to purify like a baby orangutan or an eskimo mummy. Also pre-CitySlickers Curly's gold* 2 Fair

Fargo: Buridan's Ass *Breach in a white out or bludgeoned like fish out of water.* 3 stars

"XTRO" (1983) *A deeply disturbed British schoolboy's estranged daddy returns from his absentee fatherhood vacation on H.R. Geiger's homeworld after traumatizing the boy w/ his "Fire in the Sky" style abrupt bon voyage goodbye. Often tonally too whimsical to be taken seriously, while at other times being astonishingly creepy.* between 2 & 2 1/2 stars or more

Tales from the Crypt: The Reluctant Vampire *Mr. Longtooth (Malcom McDowell) isn't a glamourous Dracula. He's a cowardly nightwatchman at a failing blood bank. Can he win the heart of his mousey love interest, at the blood bank, w/out biting her neck? Will he find the courage to stand up to his bully of a boss (Cheers' George Wendt) or will he fall prey to a weird looking Van Helsing?* Decent

"Saturday Night Dead" KYW-TV 3 Philadelphia (February 1, 1986) *"The maddening minx of movie-dom" Stella, a redheaded Rhonda Shear look-a-like glamour doll, traipses around her ghoulish horror set kiddingly admitting to bedding, on her monster talking bed, the Philadelphia Eagles football team. She is in dire need of a butler & wants him to be as hunky as Sylvester Stallone's Rambo. Looks like Philly had a pretty decent version of Elvira or Rhonda. Not bad.* 2 1/2 stars

--- Monstervision w/ Joe Bob Briggs: Waxwork

*Drive-In Totals: 43 dead bodies.... 0 nekkid breasts (sorry).. 1 Live severed hand.. .African Voodoo Face Painting.. French S & M.. Fang Sprouting.. Bat Shooting.. Raw Meat Gobbling.. Sword Fighting.. Strangling.. Stabbing.. Head Butting.. Ax to the Back... Death by Fire.. Gratuitous Dialogue w/ Loud Music.. Werewolf Fu.. Vampire Fu.. Mummy Fu.. Zombie Fu.. Senior Citizen Fu..

*Joe Bob says this isn't a haunted house movie, it's a "nasty" house movie, like his grandma would always say, "That's nasty!"

*Burt Reynolds for Liz Taylor perfume (Ladies, don't wear anything that gives Burt a smell boner).

*Songs 4 Life Christian mix CD (90s, the era that bland white people safe religious music w/out any gospel soul or passion reared its dorky head).

*CNN has Bill Clinton's sworn testimony in the shadow of impeachment (ah, the Lewinsky era, we survived that.).

*Rent Matthew MuhConUhHey! & Skeet Ulrich, tonight! (not male escorts. a shitty VhS tape of the movie "Newton Boys").

*Pure Reggae mix cd 1-800 ad (A island jam collection featuring the theme to Cops "Bad Boys" plus Apache Indian's "Boom Shakalak"... pass the herb & turn it up, mon!).

*Joe Bob's Jailbreak w/ Reno the Mail Girl: Talk of Joe Bob's jealousy because Reno might have dated / made love to a midget instead of Joe Bob & also Reno gets a love poem from a jailbird in a Mojave prison unit in Arizona.*

*Carpenters Love Songs mix cd ad. Being a kid in the 80s & 90s, & not an adult in the 70s, I only had vague knowledge of who Karen Carpenter was & that she had died tragically young. Anytime, I would see these ads w/ their hazy cloud aesthetics along w/ faded quality videos of Karen singing her mostly melancholy songs, I would get the creeps.*

*Waxwork: Remember 2011's "Cabin in the Woods"?... Well, Joss Whedon's "genius" turning of a monster/slasher movie conventions on its head script wasn't that original. In the 80s, somebody else did it first. This monster mayhem flick, featuring almost every creature & horror character known, is set in a wax museum instead of a cabin in the woods. Starring the teenage boys from Gremlins & Twin Peaks plus Return of the Living Dead 2 along with their 80s valley girl girlfriends. The main villain is legendary not so good movie & tv show actor David Warner (the movies/shows not being so good. Warner is always great).*

between 2 & 2 1/2 stars for Waxwork, more than 2 1/2 for Joe Bob, & close to 2 for the ads

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TNT 100% Weird: The Twonky *"Whenever I think of women, I think of French fried potatoes." A very nervous man's wife leaves town, gifting him his first television set to keep him company. This is when tv's were brand new & confusing to man. It didn't help that this particular tv was unlike any other in that it could work the magic of a genie or a futuristic robot.* close to 3 stars

Wizards & Warriors: The Dungeon of Death *"Badgers, we don't need no stinkin' badgers." What we got is a ragtag rescue squad of a Renaissance fair Clint Eastwood type, a carnival strong man, a high wire walking hottie, & one of the munchkins from the Wizard of Oz. Trouble is there's a mole.* close to 3 stars

--- Sci Fi Channel (1993) Feature Film: The Clone Master

*A pair of alien hands find a time capsule buried in the sand. The date says 1993. Inside is a bottle of head & shoulders. Our great legacy, dandruff shampoo...

*95 cents a minute hotline to find out what's coming up on the Sci Fi channel's schedule? Wow, wouldn't a 99 cent, one time purchase, TV Guide not suffice? That's phone sex level of horny to know when the next episode of the original Star Trek is airing.

*Sci Fi had great station bumpers. I'll try to describe this one... it has a picturesque set lakehouse w/ the phone off the receiver "hello, are you there?" & geese flying against a newly alien earth skyline featuring a ring planet between earth & the moon.

*Extremely nerdy voice over "Emmy Award winning Battlestar Galactica, weeknights."

*Beatles Live 1964 in London for the first time on VHS or BETA

*Curly haired cute model "All those holes. All that protection." Science strikes again. Always Maxi Pads w/ new technology. New as in holes. I have a hole in my soul from all the sanitary napkin girly confessional commercials that I've had to endure all my life.

*A generic couple enjoy a generic romantic evening over generic pasta & generic white wine while listening to "Easy 70's" a generic mix cd of 70s soft rock like Crystal Gale & Kenny Loggins among others. He leaves w/out sex. Because this type of music makes one sterile.

*Vintage ad for Craftmatic adjustable beds. The old couple is giddy to talk to their over the phone Craftmatic salesperson. I'm giddy too for my memories of these ads. though the actual beds were usually in the homes of some sick acquaintance of my parents&grandparents

*"Never miss another favorite program." VCR Voice, the voice operated vcr remote control. Pssss... VCR Voice... record Skinemax & those early morning workout shows w/ the ladies in spandex....

*Smokey the Bear is talked about by a kid who makes him seem almost mythical. Maybe in 3,000 years, when our culture is long forgotten & misunderstood, they'll find something about Smokey the Bear & wonder what the fuck was up w/ us having a cartoon bear to warn humans about forest fire safety & natural resource preservation responsibility.

*"Can dinosaur cloning really happen? The truth behind the fiction." A Sci Fi special on Jurassic Park. It can & did, but tune in to Alex Jones InFoWars or Jesse Ventura's new show on Glen Beck's Blaze channel to find out.

*"Dark Shadows" weekdays on Sci Fi. Now, that's a weekday soap opera that I would sink my teeth in to. Someone get me my Bon Bons & my Moo Moo...

*1 800 ad for Sci Fi Classic home video's "Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy."

*Back on earth, Frankie Valli & the 4 Seasons on every music listening format known to man. That's as advanced as we are....

*Speaking of identical twins & cloning... Elvis, in his 68 Comeback Special, decked out in his black leather spacesuit... Get a collector's copy. Copy... wink wink. Elvis, often imitated, never duplicated except in utero or however it go...

*Classic kitchen knife displays of incredible feats by the World Class Ginsu knife. Showoff All the other dull culinary utensils got Ginsu off & murdered him & buried his stainless steel body under the goal post in Food Network's Iron Chef Kitchen Stadium.

*Walter Koenig for a huge collection of Star Trek (Original & Next Generation) themes,sound fx, & a 6 minute bridge sequence. Sound fx, okay... maybe... a 6 minute bridge sequence... alright, I can sort of see that... still, it's nerdom bordering insanity.

*K-Tel Conway Twitty videos. Not the right station. Not as much as Sci Fi isn't a rhinestone sequened audience as it's not an audience where they can relate to a hillbilly heart-throb's songs about sleeping w/ a horde of women. Live long & amorously prosperous.

*"The majesty & might of Marvel leaps off of the page & onto the screen" shows clips of 70s Hulk tv show & one of the 70s Spider Man tv movies. Modern Marvel fanboys would scoff at the words majesty & might being used for these classics. "They don't even have after credits sequences or universe building." They do have Stan Lee hosting the Mighty Marvel Marathon on Sci Fi 1993. Sixteen years before Iron Man....

*Clone Master: It's a good clone movie when the existential grief of being a clone does not fully get in the way of the clone capers, clone antics, & clone based comedy. Also, Cold War era conpirators could get away w/ a lot thanks to government secrecy not allowing anyone to share information to know what the hell was going on in different sections of all their hush hush top secret work like cloning.*

3 stars for Sci Fi's bumpers, close to 3 for the ads, & 2 1/2 stars for Clone Master

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Mystery Science Theater 3000: The She Creature *Kooky age regression hypnotism to spook squares & Eve-era mer-monster to slaughter them.* 3 stars w/ riffing 2 1/2 stars w/out

Nathan On Your Side: Talking to the Animals *non-confrontational dialogue w/ bed wetting cat.* more than 2 stars

The Cinema Snob: Woodchipper Massacre *No Fargo woodchipper action. No massacre. More terrible like Poland invaded by Hitler, only w/out any of that massacre. Just the terrible.* 2 1/2 for Snob

Conan O'Brien - In the Year 2000: Taco Bell 2000 *A "chilling" glimpse into the prophecy of Charmin toilet paper's involvement w/ the bowel dooming food chain.* 3 stars

A & E presents An Evening at the Improv: Norm MacDonald (1991) *Homeless dog owners & backseat blues.* close to 3 stars

HBO Not Necessarily the News: The Spork Episode (1983) *Mr. T. imporium. Panda pest control. Des Moines pudding disaster. Light beer for fat drunks. Rich Hall's weekly sniglet words: scrit is anything that has sat in the same spot for 50 years... yinkel is anybody that combs their hair over their bald spot thinking that nobody will notice... spork the combination spoon fork device (did he invent that term? wow, cool, if so)... furbling is the act of walking through a maze of ropes at the airport or bank even though you're the only one in line (haaa)... porkus non grata is the squashed piece of bacon at the bottom of the package.. lactomangulation is having to open a milkcarton from the opposite side because of one side's malfunction.. carperpetuation is the act of running over a piece of string w/ a vacuum 4 or 5 times before picking it up & inspecting it & then putting it back down for one last attempt.*

decent though dated

"Best of the Worst Star Search Auditions" (youtube) *"Let me do my thang to ya!" You'd never see a bearded lady singing Patsy Cline on America's Got Talent.* 3 stars

Insomniac w/ Dave Attell: San Francisco *If you come to this frontier town, eventually you're gonna ask yourself "am I a fog rider, a pickle pilot, or a proud baby mudfoot?"* 3 stars

--- Memory Hole:

*Cranial Deformity Dance Dad: I'm tired of spaghetti. But you always like sketti.* 3 stars

*Clinton Torture: Bill's bubbles is just tryna give you kisses.* 2 1/2 stars

*I'm On The T.V.: Been waitin' for you to turn me on.* more than 2 1/2 stars

*Rap 4 Ca$h: A school teacher, of 25 years, will do anything for a raise.* 1 star

*Island Of Original Ideas Mirror Effect: an idiot's idea of an interesting illusion.* folly

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Penn & Teller Bullshit!: Creationism & The Bible, Fact or Fiction *Pissing on one's own feet while the ground crumbles beneath forming a crater of disbelief. Leaving one in critical need & clinging to the causal or a creed.* Folly?

James Randi Debunks An Astrologer *"Everybody believes that they have a sense of humor." - Stephen Fry who doesn't believe that the astrologer accurately judged his friend Hugh Laurie.* close to decent

Forbidden Transmission: World Bizarre *freewheeling babel.* more than 2 1/2 stars

Weird TV: Burning Man - Early Years *Survival issues, sexuality, porta potty use, & potato gun fun.*

between 2 & 2 1/2 stars

"Dawn of the Mummy" *Classic Universal horror theme grave robbed by Euro-sleaze exploitation schlock vandals.* 2 1/2 stars

PBS presents American Experience: The Lobotomist *"Ambition makes you look pretty ugly." -Paranoid Android- A look at the doctor who tried to turn a grotesque medical procedure into a McDonald's style franchise value menu item forthe severe to the even the slightly mentally ill.* either zero or 3 stars

Alien Sex Fiend - "Now, I'm Feeling Zombiefied" *Face is caked white, you see a dead rat & you take a bite...* 2 1/2 stars

"You Spin Me Round" (Literal video version) *Freaky pirate all tied up (in himself).* close to 3 for the literal 3 for the actual

Uncharted Zone: "Hurry, There's A Hurricane" - Ken Manning *Hold on to your hats & to each other.* close to 3 stars

--- Reel Wild Cinema w/ Sandra Bernhard: Lunatics on the Loose:

*Sandra wants to go to third base w/ Antonio Banderas, her Aztec fantasy...

*Curse of the Aztec Mummy: Beehive hairdo damsels in distress, rubber bat attack, crotch crawling spider, & hideous ghoul doing the rigor-mortis-arms trance step dance*

*Sandra promises a movie with bad dubbing, coming up, "So don't go away." For the bad dubbing, I'll definitely stay.

*America's Most Wanted & Top Cops on USA network. A one two punch of justice & dullness.

*A soccer ball toting toddler wakes his middle aged dad up & his dad needs a small pouch sized doze of Folgers coffee. I bet this man can't even take a morning shit in peace.

*A disembodied red lipsticked mouth for Rembrandt whitening toothpaste. "2 shades whiter" promised. All the varying shades of teeth color from white to off white to yellow to grey to diseased orangish brown to black... Amusing memory of Mitch Hedberg's tartar sauce joke

*The Psychic Solution w/ a very self aware ad where they parody "bad psychic" hotline call centers complete w/ dart board for predictions & vanity mirror distractions during calls.

*Sandra now promises stock Civil War footage w/ clips from a nudist colony. Robert E. Lee is rolling over in his grave in his slave mistress's underwear that he demanded to be buried in.

*The Monster of Camp Sunshine: Thank that "scientist in the sky" for water pollution & sexual deviancy.*

*Quirky-reggae-whitebread-feelin' Long John Silver fast food joint on the beach commercial where there are tropical birds inside the establishment (sure the health inspector likes that notion) & couples relax in the waves drinking supersized sodas in foam cups (I bet those don't get put in the proper trash bin & instead float about the waves onto the beach)

*Crocodile Dundee vs. Ogre of Revenge of the Nerds & Bloodsport in a station wagon chase....

*Kenny Kingston "legendary psychic" & sleazy old school Hollywood showman look-a-like w/ love advice for lonely yuppies who go through everyday being horny & instead of acting on it & taking chances they wait for over the phone voodoo advice...

*Dweezil Zappa is Sandra's guest: Not sure if it's his rainbow colored girly liquor drink talking but Dweezil let it slip that he might believe that Aztec civlization dates back at least a million years....

*Sandra wants t.v. trying to scare people instead of always endearing itself to them.

*Bloody Pit of Horror: More tortured by the swingers he performs medieval cruelty upon, the Crimson Executioner gets caught up in his own scarlet devices.*

*A crystal ball gazing clairvoyant, w/ pink hair, predicts that Snoop Doggy Dog, Bush, & Dennis Miller will be at the 1996 MTV Video Awards. Pumpkins will also be smashed.

*USA capitalizes on the Unabomber headlines w/ their own original movie version...

*Sandra would have no sympathy for a girlfriend caught in a devious bondage trap...

*Oath of Green Blood: Audience participation required in taking a vial of verdant liquid that might make one vile or vivacious.

*Star Trek's original resident black boundaries breaker is sadly selling her soul as a spokesperson for a psychic hotline. This one even makes the claim that's often been used as a joke against psychics "Lottery winner predicted." Yep, "it happened."

*Coming attractions: Scream of the Demon Lover... Giant from the Unknown (awakened after hundreds of years & wearing conquistador armor. so, it's the Spanish to blame)... The Crawling Thing from Planet 13 promises to attack audience members (nice gimmick ploy)...

3 for Sandra, 3 for the shorts, & close to 2 for the ads

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"Sting of Death" -1965- *The Hunchback of the Everglades suffers a squelching at the hands of Florida Gator co-ed swingers & marine scientists. He goes all man-o-war on their jiggly jellyfish jive asses.* 2 stars

Baywatch Nights: Pursuit *Stinks of 90s sleaze/cheese. Says "Nights" but can't help in filming over half the show on the pretty beaches during the day. Featuring a couple of my boyhood tv crushes, Carol Alt & Angie Harmon.* between 1 1/2 & 2 stars

Beavis & Butthead: Varga - "Greed" *Beavis has the great idea that someone should invent something to watch music videos on (a television). Butthead's great idea is Beavis should shut up.* 3 w/riffing 2 1/2 w/out

Troma presents "Blondes Have More Guns" *Basic Instinct parodies haven't aged well, but Troma satire silliness is timeless.* between 2 & 2 1/2 stars

Penn & Teller Bullshit!: The Business of Love, Yoga, Tantric Sex, Etc. & Sex, Sex, Sex *Follow made up rules, follow hokey signs, follow shady email-spam links, & fuck if any of it happens to work.* 3 stars

--- Found Footage Fest:

*Video Dating: Looking for a goddess. A goddess is a woman, any woman, all women. No fatties!* 3 stars

*Sexual Harassment Comedy: Don't say anything, ever, because you're an obvious dickhead.* 1 star or close to 3

*Courtship vs. Dating: Don't get hung up on sweaty beefcakes. Acquire the fire to be a hard to get Christian cock-tease.* 2 1/2 stars

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David Hasselhoff - "Hooked On A Feeling" (Literal Video Version) *Hoff w/ "wiener" out & high on believing. "Please throw a fish at me!"* more than decent w/riffing or close to decent w/out

Nathan On Your Side: Sex In Advertising & Penis Extension *What turns you on? Please tell Santa so that we can market correctly.*

2 1/2 stars

Occult Demon Cassette presents "How To Be Cool At Parties" w/ Malcom Jamal Warner (1986) *Anybody can act like a jackass.* 2 1/2 stars

Pee Wee's Playhouse - Adult Humor & Innuendo (youtube) *Being a Spring chicken, I wasn't spry enough to see just how subliminal Saturday mornings really were.* 3 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Pod People *Smuckers presents movies

A) Redneck poachers run into 'The Thing From Another World' B) Lil' Opie & his new pet Alf... or C) Ace of Base's tragic vacation in the Catskill Mtns. Joel says "It stinks! *okay hand gesture*"*

3 stars w/riffing between 1 1/2 & 2 w/out

Herman's Head (Pilot Episode) *Clever premise pulled off effectively. Made even better by the voice of Lisa Simpson & another Simpsons' legend Hank Azaria's charm.* close to 3 stars

Comics Only: Employee of the Week - Hank Gallo (1990) *Talent scout who searches the gay leather bar scene.* 2 1/2 stars

--- Rachel Sweet - The Sweet Life (The Comedy Channel circa the early 1990s):

*Lou Diamond Phillips makes fun of greasy haired Johnny Depp

*Jon Stewart impersonates a pretentious French director

*Rachel Sweet is a quirky raven-haired petite cutey poking fun at the Cosmo magazine's version of a girly girl

*Naked centerfold spread of David Hasselhoff is mocked by Rachel...

*Classic "Cow Cow Boogie" film short, that I just saw on Night Flight, is sang along to karaoke style by Rachel... she's definitely sweet

*Quotes: An unexamined life is not worth living - Plato... Time eases all things -Sophocles Get over it - Rachel Sweet... (cute)

more than 2 stars

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