#when you adapt the most adapted tragic love story ever and ‘knocked it out of the park’ is an understatement

[dudeyuri]

I'm having thoughts and feelings about bad buddy must be a day that ends in y. But like, last episode tomorrow, kind of verklempt, need to word vomit

My first watch of Bad Buddy kind of smacked me upside the head. I know this is not a unique experience. I was left reeling for a bit. Watching Bad Buddy was the first thing I did in 2023 and I watched all 12 episodes in one sitting like a glutton and I stayed up til 1am even though I had to get up at 4am the next day (I haven't done stupid shit like that since college). Then I started my rewatch the next day. Then I put it aside for months because it was actually a physical ache in my chest when I thought about it. I just...never?? encountered such a fulfilling narrative that followed through on all its promises. Even with its deliberate deceptions and twists and uncertainties - I put my trust in Bad Buddy's narrative and was rewarded for doing so like never before.

It got me from the first episode - the first episode did what I think almost every first episode should do: tell you exactly what the story is going to be, without telling you exactly what the story is going to be. Fantastic writing, deliberate pacing, satisfying character development, pitch-perfect acting, all top-notch. It kept the energy up all throughout even as it got heavier, and stuck the landing in such a profound and bittersweet way. This was the first Thai BL I've ever watched, and probably the third BL I've ever watched period. One of my first impressions after finishing it even for the first time was that it was, maybe above all else, self aware.

My initial impression was also not a unique one: so far this is funny, charming, an exciting premise. And by episode 4 I was starting to get hit with it: this story is all those things and a knife in your gut, a lump in your throat. And it's queer, and it's tragic. Like, from the jump we see the two households both alike in dignity, we know what this is: it's Romeo and Juliet (or Kwan and Riam). We know how it ends. Pran knows how it ends. They teased us the whole show with Pran's decor, his doorknob hanger, like this show's version of a comedy and tragedy mask - what's it going to be? How's it going to end? Everyone watching knows how romcoms typically end. But everyone also knows how Romeo and Juliet ends.

In a move that can really only be described as revolutionary, Bad Buddy decided that queering the Romeo and Juliet narrative meant a happy ending. With caveats, but happy and alive and together. It was as simple as two characters finding their agency in a world trying to deprive them of it, seeing every path around them that led to tragedy, and instead trailblazing a new one that led to happiness. (everything that could be said about this has already been said; I look to this essay by @chickenstrangers often!! helped me make sense of pat gets shot lol. MK I hope you're not sick of people linking this left and right). It's a narrative choice that resounds.

I was personally struck by that specific pain Pat and Pran experience, the pain of having to lie to your parents and keep love a secret from them - is there a queer person out there who doesn't relate to that in a bone-achingly deep way? Regardless of your relationship with your family. Having to partition yourself like this is part of the queer experience. And it's exhausting because you just have to live like this. It's exhausting because the people who are supposed to love you have made a liar of you instead. You can be surviving and thriving and happy, but your parents will still ask your siblings about their love lives and ask you about the weather (too real??? oops). There's a hint at a possible thawing in the final episode that gives hope, but Bad Buddy does not magically make the parents realize they were wrong and accept their sons' love - I mean, that just doesn't happen. It would have made for a disingenuous ending, it would have been a disservice to the narrative and to the viewers and to the metaphor. If you're lucky enough to have parents who would, you're lucky. It's a sad truth. "We can't change the world...but the world can't change us either."

At first glance, Bad Buddy plays in the "BL bubble". Upon a slightly closer examination Bad Buddy says there can never really be a bubble--stories aren't crafted in a vacuum, the dominant ideology that is homophobia traumatizes and endangers and oppresses all who do not align with it, still there are happy endings for us here. We find each other and carve them out ourselves. To say all this, and to not veer into heavy-handed "yeah okay we get it" territory is a feat honestly! Seldom accomplished in such a riveting and sexy way! How refreshing! Bad Buddy reminded me of reading a good poem - upon first read, a good poem is about "a thing," and it's evocative as is and you don't even have to read it again to enjoy it. But you can also consider it carefully and unearth "the other thing," a deeper meaning, the answer to "why was this written?". Bad Buddy trusts its viewers to get there. I mean I know it's really not much of a hidden message, but again, they are subtle with it, iykyk etc. BB doesn't hold our hand, but it takes our trust and respects it and doesn't break it (though it shakes the jar, like quite a bit, lol. All good stories should tbh).

I think a lot about the form, too. In a less capable storyteller's hands 12 one-hour-long episodes can drag (I'm thinking of some recent gmmtv BLs lol), or even not be enough (I feel like I personally see that in a lot of western shows whose fanbases are out here begging for second seasons to tie up loose ends). P'Aof (and co.) knew exactly what to do with 12 episodes. Has anyone in the entire history of TeleVision ever known what to do with 12 one-hour-long episodes as undeniably as P'Aof and co in making Bad Buddy??

I know I'm being a little dramatic, excessively lauding good writing like this. Like yeah stories should be good and thoughtful and make sense, of fucking course. But I just have to appreciate it in a genre, in a capitalist reality, where a story does not have to be profound or clever or full of love to be marketable. They truly did not have to go this hard. (Though the writer in me who now considers Aof a personal idol also thinks: yes of course they absolutely did have to go this hard in fact It Is The Only Way). I'm so so grateful for it for so many reasons!! And I didn't even breach the topic of how fun and sexy I think Pat and Pran are together. Didn't even mention the fingersucking, the scent kink, the kissies - all genuinely just as important to me as everything else. It's all in the making of a good story! I am taking notes through my tears and I am so thankful

[the-nysh]

What are your favorite garou moments?

F-favorite?! 😳 This might be hard to narrow down & choose...but if I go chronologically, I think I can make a good list of most memorable moments!

1. Garou surrounded by the A/B heroes and enduring the worst of odds (injured, fevered, outnumbered, poisoned), with his biggest test of character yet (at this point in the story) to defend the shed and miraculously pull out on top. (Where thematically you can interpret as his version of ‘justice’ prevailing.)

Because this challenge was the first time, since Garou’s introduction, that really 👀 opened my eyes. He wasn’t all bark and no bite; he truly was the resourceful, combative fighting genius he claimed to be, and this fight deliberately showed that (the perfect ‘show don’t tell’ example) to make his character’s competency and tenacity truly shine as believable. (And to this day, it’s still my favorite choreographed fight in the whole story.) Then adding the decisive ‘do or die’ protect Tareo in the shed moment? Ugh ;o; truly the emotional icing on the cake, both for his convictions and proving what he’s willing to risk his life for. That this guy had the makings of something great 👀 to keep an eye on, and this addition to the story was probably one of the best unexpected improvements over what the webcomic did to flesh out his character for the better. Because at the time, many fans were bemoaning the manga’s deviation from the wc with the whole tournament arc, but this change with the whole shed set up and resolution, completely flipped the mood that we were speeding along, right on course with even better expansions to look forward to. A welcome surprise for all that keeps on giving getting better the more you go back and revisit/reread the fight. :’D

2. Garou’s whole downtime during the dine n dash section, where he was basically just fucking around on his own, lost in thought trying to assess/clarify his goals to ‘become a monster’....while ironically saving civilians, rescuing Tareo again (from bullies) and accidentally behaving just like a hero without even realizing it! :’D That was hilarious. Basically this was his slower ‘slice of life’ moment he got for himself, and I love that shit - it’s basically one of my favorite parts to come back and reread from time to time (and one I hope to see animated/voiced one day), because it’s just so funny, with that fond smiling reader awareness like ‘aha~ you’re stubbornly trying to be someone you’re not, aren’t you squidward~’

3. Garou’s Big Damn Heroes moment (literally, the precise trope) busting thru walls to Tareo’s cries for help at perfect timing to rescue him in grand, feral dramatic fashion from Royal Ripper. 8′D .....Only for this fucker, in awkward denial fashion, to have the gall and say ‘It’s not like I came here to save you or....anything, baka’ Classic peak tsundere moment.

No really! It’s probably the first time I’ve ever burst out laughing from seeing that classic line uttered, and I couldn’t believe ONE actually went there, but he did (and used it in a fresh, but most effective platonic context different from usual), so what a delight! X’D 

4. This page, because it encapsulates peak feral protective Garou. o///o

Which Murata totally milked for all it’s worth while inking it on stream, even showing off teases of the finished panel from his assistants while the entire stream chat screamed. 8′D (In retrospect, this era was probably my favorite ‘peak opm’ while Murata was most prolific and active on stream with fandom interaction. I miss this age dearly.) 

5. Jumping ahead, Murata swooping in to unexpectedly drop Garou vs Darkshine (esp part 2) on us, which we had been waiting for to see adapted, only for Murata to suddenly deliver with the delicacy of taking a bludgeon to the forehead. 8′D Holy shit!

Especially because Murata somehow reached peak h0rny in the interim to proudly show off all of Garou’s ahem, assets in full glory. Murata has no chill!! D8 Anyway, I think my brain was fried for a week; I was too buzzed to properly sleep straight. And yes, Murata made the grueling wait for more Garou content totally worth it. 8′D

6. Unadapted webcomic territory now, but his badass line/entry with ‘your case of emergency just happened.’ While ripping through BS, utterly destroying GS, and yes, saving Tareo once again in grand, feral dramatic fashion. :3

How hilarious that his grand ‘monster debut’ was him actually uhhhhhh....saving a kid from a hostage situation and dramatically violently defeating the other monsters who threatened him, whom the other heroes couldn’t even win against. (Only to go ‘ayy heroes~ come at me and I’ll demonstrate to you why your hero marks fail to pass my test.’) Like oh my god, does Garou still not realize what he’s actually doing?! D8 Saitama, halp knock some cathartic sense into him! And for the most part, I find his fight with Saitama more tragic and painful to witness than anything, as his desperation grows and meets a figurative brick wall, mentally speaking. (So you won’t see me ‘cheering’ like some other fans might during his ‘beatdown,’ because that ‘punishment’ only breaks his will to live. Not fun. :O) But rest assured I will be right there frothing at the mouth to witness how awesome and unforgettable Murata intends to deliver this too. Particularly for that ‘case of emergency’ moment above (if/when manga Tareo somehow gets captured again for the battle), awesome moments like that are sure to make me go feral to finally see them in Murata’s style. 8′D

7. But!! There’s hope, because his moment of realization and clarity, where it all finally and silently sinks in, seeing the light after Tareo saves him and helps him understand who his true self has been all along - whom he had been denying and rejecting all this time - now that, is just beautiful. :’3

One of the best long-awaited payoff moments to see adapted in full glory for sure. I am prepared to be emotionally destroyed for this whole ‘eye scene’! So ONE & Murata, do your worst!!

8. His return in the webcomic’s ch133. ;A; And ONE, just knew how to deliver the suspense (even Murata was hyped) and make Garou’s long-awaited face reveal brilliant, beaming, and perfect. Hhuhuuhu pretty sure I cried from the compounded joy, familiar relief seeing how -it’s him-, and...the later sense of devastation from seeing the cycle of injustice happen to him all over again. :’)) (Which he silently shoulders and walks away from like a champ~) Anyway, you can still read/relive my whole first blind ch reaction here~

[screamscenepodcast]

HAPPY HALLOWE’EN 2020: THE TOP TEN

And you thought we’d forgotten All Hallows’ Eve? For shame! Yes, it’s that time of year again - when you’re looking for only the best classic horror movies to make your blood run cold and entertain the ghosts moaning their way through your home! So here it is, our definitive list of the top ten best horror movies, for the period of 1895-1955. Here you’ll learn which films make the top ten, what their deal is, and where to find them online.  We hope you find this list helpful with your evening’s entertainment. Safe scares, Creatures of the Night!

#10. The Invisible Man (1933)

Mark Hamill said it himself - his much acclaimed interpretation of the Joker comes from Claude Rains’ performance as the tragically insane Griffin in this adaptation of the HG Wells novel. The movie shows off James Whale’s great skill at mixing humour and horror, even if some of the British-isms get a bit broad at times, but the true power of The Invisible Man is how it’s gotten more relevant with time - in 2020, the idea that anonymity might lead to immorality is no longer a hypothetical notion. Find it for rent in HD at $4.99 on Apple iTunes, Google Play Movies, Cineplex, Microsoft Store, and YouTube. 1h 11min.

#9. The Black Cat (1934)

What do you even say about a movie like Edgar G. Ulmer’s The Black Cat? A metaphor for Austrian/Hungarian relations after World War I, a dip into the world of Satanic cults, a revenge story with elements as unsavoury as Oldboy, and a chance to see Karloff and Lugosi really go at it as adversaries on roughly equal footing at a time when both men’s careers were on about the same level. This movie will draw you in with its gorgeous cinematography, hypnotic editing, and modernist set design to such an extent that by the time it’s over, you’ll hardly notice that the story didn’t seem to entirely make sense… This underappreciated classic is waiting for you to rent in HD on Google Play and YouTube for $4.99. 1h 6min.

#8. Island of Lost Souls (1932)

Watching this movie is like willingly stepping into a nightmare. The HG Wells’ novel might have somehow wanted to portray Dr Moreau “sympathetically” (Victorians, amirite?) but this adaptation understands he’s an utter monster and Charles Laughton delivers a bravura performance that underscores the character’s pure insanity. Combine this with the film’s dark and gritty look, the subtle make-up design of the hybrids (including a heavily obscured Bela Lugosi), and the unforgettable chant of The Law, and you have a film that will burn itself into your memory. Unfortunately, Island of Lost Souls has no current streaming options available, but you can find it on Blu-Ray from the Criterion Collection. 1h 11min.

#7. Körkarlen (1921)

The Phantom Carriage is a haunting exploration of the horrors of alcoholism, domestic abuse, poverty, and tuberculosis as well as a critique of Christian naivete while simultaneously an encouragement of spiritual moral values. It has the tone and pace of a dirge, as it seeks to imprint its message on your very soul. All wrapped up in a chilling story of New Year’s Eve and the spectre of Death! The Phantom Carriage is available to stream in HD on The Criterion Channel, and to rent in HD for $5.49 on Pantaflix. 1h 30min.

#6. I Walked With a Zombie (1943)

The second Val Lewton produced film on the list, I Walked With a Zombie is perhaps best described as Jane Eyre in the Caribbean, but what is surprising is that the film is also a well researched depiction of Voodoo practices for 1943. The haunting imagery, sparse sound design, and dreamlike poeticism of this film might make it among the most unique zombie movies you’ve ever seen, made in a time with zombies were supernatural undead slaves, instead of reanimated undead cannibals. Do yourself a favour and check it out - it’s available to buy online in SD for $9.99 from Apple iTunes, and $14.99 on Google Play Movies and YouTube. 1h 8 min.

#5. The Old Dark House (1932)

James Whale’s definitive take on this traditional mystery thriller formula is a movie that will have you laughing right until the moment it has you screaming. In some ways, it’s a movie of clichés, with the protagonists seeking shelter in an old mansion during a rainstorm in the night and having to deal with the reclusive family they find within. But the dark, brooding cinematography, and truly shocking twists that rivet up the intensity over the running time, all contribute to make this a harrowing watch. It’s one part Rocky Horror Picture Show, one part The Addams Family, and one part The Texas Chain Saw Massacre. I’m not kidding. The Old Dark House is currently streaming in HD on Flix Fling. 1h 10min.

#4. The Spiral Staircase (1946)

This RKO classic is another great take on the old dark house subgenre, from noir director Robert Siodmak. A masterpiece of suspense, featuring wonderful production design and dynamite performances from its cast, this movie will draw you in to the world of a mute servant named Helen trapped in a dark manor on a stormy night with a whole cast of lunatics! A forerunner of giallo (no, really!), this classic and classy thriller is not to be missed! The Spiral Staircase is currently streaming in HD on Flix Fling. 1h 23min.

#3. Gojira (1954)

Ishiro Honda’s classic giant monster movie, the progenitor of all kaiju and tokusatsu movies to come, is a masterpiece of ingenuity and imagination. But more than that, it’s a powerful statement about the horrors of nuclear war, an angry and relentless funeral dirge mourning for the Japanese lives lost and raging against the American foreign policy that continued to poison Japan with radiation even after the war. Godzilla is an apocalypse personified, the great revenge of the natural world against the hubris of man that has harmed it. But Gojira is also a film about the immense weight of personal and scientific responsibility weighed against the greater good, and its position on the use of weapons of mass destruction is perhaps more nuanced than you’d expect. Don’t let the campy reputation of Godzilla in the West fool you. Clear your mind of that and sit down to watch this powerful black & white epic. Gojira is streaming in HD on the Criterion Channel, and can be rented in HD for $4.99 on Apple iTunes. 1h 38 min. The American adaptation Godzilla, King of the Monsters! (1956) is also worth a watch, and is available from the same sources.1h 20 min.

#2. Cat People (1942)

Cat People is brilliant. The first of Val Lewton’s horror movies for RKO, it best exemplifies his shadow drenched, suggestive, adult, contemporary, and ambiguous brand of horror. Irena is convinced that if she experiences sexual excitement, she will turn into a black panther and kill the man she loves. Her husband is convinced it’s all in her head. What is the truth? Cat People gives the viewer plenty to chew on while being the first horror movie to understand that less is more, that the monster is scarier if you can’t see it, and also how to pull off a jump scare. You can find this absolute classic to stream in HD on The Criterion Channel, and to purchase in HD for $9.99 on Apple iTunes and $14.99 on Google Play Movies and YouTube. 1h 10min.

#1. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1931)

FOUR! YEARS! IN A ROW! Early on in the first Hollywood horror craze, Paramount Pictures managed to outdo their main competitor Universal with this masterpiece from director Rouben Mamoulian. With a use of sound, visuals, effects, script, and performance far beyond what most films were doing at the time, this adaptation reigns supreme among other versions of the same story. Fredric March utterly inhabits the dual title role, but it’s Miriam Hopkins’ performance that will stick with you in this superb examination of domestic abuse, alcoholism, and the beast that dwells within us. Currently for rent in SD on Apple iTunes, Google Play Movies, Microsoft Store, and YouTube for $4.99. 1h 38min. Well there you have it, Creatures of the Night! Will Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde ever be knocked from it’s perch at the top? Keep tuning in to Scream Scene each week on Wednesday to find out! Until then, Happy Hallowe’en!

[popculturebuffet]

Legend of the Three Caballeros: Labyrinth and Repeat Review (Commissioned by WeirdKev27)

Saludos Amigos! We’re back on the Ride of the Three Cablleros as I intend to knock this wonderful series out at a steady cliip, and since I THOUGHT the premire was a two parter, it still ends on a cliffhanger but it’s too early to tell if this is just normal for this series like say Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts, where it’s really more one continuous story, or just the end of the pilot. For now with all the exposition out of the way from part 1, we can jump right into the thick of things where we picked off.  PREVIOUSLY ON LEGEND OF THE THREE CABLLEROS: Donald had an enormously shitty birthday, loosing his job, his house and his nightmarish harpy.. er his girlfriend, all in one day. Things went up a bit though when he inhereted a Cabana belonging to his ancestor Clinton Coot and met two new pals: Ladies Man Jose Caricoca and loveable weirdo like myself Pancito Romero A Lot of Other Names Gonzales. The three soon had a yard sale with the various treasures inside the cabana and got an offer for a million dollars for the cabana and all inside from local waiter’s nightmare Baron Von Sheldgoose, whose deal includes a jewel incrusted golden atlas. Upon finding it our boys were attacked by a human goddess who popped out of the book and that’s where we pick up. 

Good. Let’s begin. So Xandra, said goddess, is holding our heroes at arrow point with their attempts to defuse the situation falling flat and their attempt to understandably flee by claming to be the cabs failing pretty much immidatley. We do get some good gags including Jose accidently telling Xandra she smells like feta cheese in greek. But lucky for our boys before Xandra can do a murder on them Donald accidently shuts the book.. and finds out she disappears when he does that. Cue our loveable idiots opening and closing the book for a while, easily one of the best bits of the episode. I will say while the pilot was pretty good comedy wise this episode solidfies how funy the series is. The series is at times a barrage of wonderful jokes and set pieces and it is awesome to behold.  Also a breif thing before we get back to the plot... Xandra is indeed human, or at least looks like one. Normally i’m against this as honestly Ducks just mesh better with Dogfaces, other birds and other anthromorphic animals. It just works better and is more consitent to have a world that’s simply anthro animals and non-anthro animals. But.. it works for me here since so the human characters.. are all gods. While i’d of PREFFERED them to still be non humans, like Ducktales does, it works since she’s not really a human but a god and thus it comes off more as her being something inherently diffrent and otherworldly, but something that’s not so distracting it pulls focus away from the rest of the cast, just otherworldly to our heroes.

So while our boy screw with the goddess who you know, tried to murder them for flimsy reasons without stopping to ask why three strangers look exactly like her friends, we get to know the triplets better. I also get a better bead on what voices Jessica is using. May is using Jessica’s Lynn voice, just a touch higher since May isn’t a preteen, while April, the one in yellow, uses the voice she’d later use for candace. Junes is a BIT like Lucy, but with obviously way more energy and emotion. But it’s clear the three are smart confident and willing to run a scheme, and easily get a thousand bucks out of sheldgoose for the spooky purple ring he saw last episode in a really chortleriffic bit where May serves as an auctioneer while her sisters up the price by bidding thus tricking Sheldgoose into paying. They also get past him having a claim on it as he dosen’t have a receipt or anything else other than a verbal contract with Donald, one that wasn’t even complete since the boys hadn’t brought out the atlas, so they were within their rights to fleece him for the ring.. even if him getting it at all is going to backfire, they had no way of knowing that so it’s whatever.  Back in the house the boys have apparently done the  book thing on Xandra about a hundred times, and Xandra FINALLY grabs the book. At least our boys are bonding. But while threatening them again , she finds out they don’t know what happened.. and recongiing clinton int he painting realizess time has passed, these boys are her boys decendants, and perhaps some explination is in order since she’s lost in a strange world. 

So after unveling a bookmark that allows her to project out of the book without being trapped, Xandra gives us our backstory: long ago, in a distant land I Aku master of darkness unleashed an unspeakable evil... wait sorry wrong narration. Long ago Xandra was guardian of the Atlas, which is explained to be the key to various magical hot spots around the world where various myths come from. Things were fine.. until the evil Lord Felldrake decided to screw it all up, binding Xandra to the book and using it to cause chaos and try and take over the world. All was lost till the Cabs stopped him, freed Xandra best they could, and then journed the world with them till she tragically was shut inside the book and seemingly lost. For whatever reason Clinton never opened the book, we’ll presumibly find out later, and well.. here she is.  Xandra is voiced by, unsuprisingly given this project’s all-star cast, voice acting vetran and modern legend of the buisness Grey DeLisle, also credited as Grey Griffith for a time. And like tress she has a rather massive and awesome resume, which naturally i’ll be going into since usually I go into shows mid way and don’t get to do this: Grey’s notable rolls include Daphne Blake ever since What’s New, Scooby Doo?, Lor from Weekenders, still not on plus and I will not let that fact go till I get a valid reason why not, Crazy Cat Lady and Lizzie Divine, Mandy, Doctor Ghastly, Kimiko Tohomiko, Sam Manson, Frankie Foster, Azula, Riley Daring, Freida Suarez, Black Canary (Brave and the Bold), Fire, Dr. Holiday, Aya, Master Nadia, Magpie, Moon Butterfly, Jackie Lynn Thomas, Lola Loud, Lana Loud, Lily Loud, and Martin Prince following Russi Taylors tragic passing, just to give you an idea of how long, varied and wonderful her career and range is. And to give a certain person paying for this review an idea of some of the shows i’m familiar with. Moving on.  Despite learning of their family legacy of heroics, our heroes are planning to still sell the book given Donald and Jose are poor, and Panchito’s giving in to peer pressure. Seriously Camil is already the MVP of the series, easily the best part of it and it’s a shame he wasn’t brought back for Ducktales, especially since by season 2 frank was aware of legend and Jamie had been on the show before. But Xandra offers them a life of adventure and heroisim.. and when that fails points out theirs treasure and the boys agree to hear her out.  So after showing some off Xandra takes them to a Labyrinth to retreive three mystic amulets, and goads Donald into going in by challenging his Ego after he tries to refuse to go. Panchito is naturally fully on board with a dangerous adventure and Jose is talked into it after Xandra pulls an explination why she can’t go out of her firmly toned ass that theirs a mystic barrier which he buys. So while Xandra conjurs a chair and a coconut drink to relax and wait to see if they die or not, our boys head in.  They find a massive, beautiful labyrnith and a large house containing a minotaur. Sadly i’ts not Ferdinand aka the Minotaur who worked as Wonder Woman’s chef, cooking up damn good vegetarian goodies for her at the Thymsicarian Embasy. All of this is real things that happened and all are things that should be in the next fucking movie. Seriously as much of a mess as Wonder Woman 1984 is, i’d buy a ticket in a heartbeat caution to teh wind if it was announced he was being adapted for it. He’s also very smart, kind and loyal if you were wondering. Get yourself a man like feridnand if your into men. 

Anyways Jose once again tries to speak a languge, and thus we get about a minute of Eric Bauza saying the word moo... sometimes... most times really.. I REALLY, REALLY love my job. But with the bull pissed off and going super sayian god super sayian, there’s only one thing left for our heroes to do...

So they do and we get a great gag where Donald, when deciding wether to split up as to lower the possiblity of him getting hit, has TWO shoulder devils, because inside every man is a battle between good and evil that evil usually wins while dancing and singing a jaunty toon over good’s grave. 

But it naturally backfires and the two devils tell him he’s on his own. So we get a fun chase sequence with the three before Donald finally decides fuck it we can fight back. Noticing Panchito’s talent with a rope, he has him rope and ride the Minotaur which he does, then uses Jose’s hankerchief to lure the minotaur and beat him. It’s a gorgeous, fun action sequence that shows off the series is as cool as it is fricking hilaroius.  So our heroes find the amulets, a blue one for donald, a red for panchito and green for jose, and put em on, proudly telling Xandra. It’s then revealed the Minotaur.. is an old friend of hers and this was just a test to see if they could work together and you know.. not die. They can, and she’s proud and plesantly suprised by how good they are.  So our heroes return home, Xandra storring the atlas on her back, and all three suitably impressed. Their further impressed when they find a hidden lair with more treasure, and three sets of armor, their ancestors old armor which as it did in the teaser at the start of the series, looks REALLY fucking cool and comes from various civlizations. Just.. lovely to look at. Our heroes pose.. and the nieces find them, wonder what’s going on, and mention Sheldgoose at the door, apparnelty not phased to meet a god or that their surrogate uncle has a hlemet.  Sheldgoose has come to offer the money.. and it’s REALLY tempiting. Donald has lost EVERYTHING remember, this money could help win Daisy back, get him a fancy house still in new quackmore.. even a third of a million is still enough to set someone as humble and easy to please as donald for life. But.. it’s here where this episode succeds where the premire fell. By this point we’ve SEEN Donald’s weaknsses: he’s greedy, short sighted and selfish. So it makes it THAT MUCH more impactful when he does the right thing, tearing up the check and refusing to sell out his legacy. Sure this could make his life better.. but it’s not worth his soul, his new friends or the world’s safety. He may not be able to get Daisy back or a new house.. but he’d NEVER be able to repalce his new friends, his legacy, or his wonderful new home.  Sheldgoose naturally throws a fit and vows vengance and what have you... and just as naturally gets dragged away by his ring. Like the boys he’s brought to a mystic secret chamber by a family heirloom.. but unlike the boys we get a wonderful sequence of him being slammed into things while Wayne Knight makes delightful noises.

But Sheldgoose finds thanks to the ring he was drawn to a styigan well leading to a talking staff... Felldrake surivived, if trapped in the staff.. and  he’s Baron’s ancestor, himself a sheldgoose who urges his decsendant to take the staff, accept his destiny and thus Sheldgoose revels in his new power as he and feldrake summon Feldrake’s loyal minon.  

So we end on Donald happy. His day was crappy to start.. but while he lost his house, his shrew and his job.. he’s found a new purpose saving the world, an ew life of adventure.. and forever friends in his two new amigos and goddess mentor. He’s finally happy. OR he is for a a second before Feldrake’s minon emerges from it’s sarcophagus and runs off with donald. TO BE CONTINUED. Not doing the jojo gag this time. 

 Before we go on one last cast member; Kevin Micheal Richardson is Felldrake, and he is unsuprisingly awesome and like Grey has a long and storied career.. you know the drill by now: He’s voiced  the Narrator for Clerks the Animated Series, Robert Hawkins (Static’s Dad), Dark Laser, Numbah 5′s dad who was a VERY poorly aged refrence to Bill Cosby, Mammoth, Trigon, Armagedddroid (Something I never realized holy shit good on him), Captain Gantu, The Joker, Pandabubba, Principal Lewis, Schnitzel, Tombstone, Omega Supreme, Cleavland Junior (They drove a dump truck full of money up to his house he’s not made of stone), Mal Duncan, Doctor Fate, Man Ape, Kilowogg, Sheriff Blubs, William Viceroy , Mr. Gus, Rhombulous, Shredder (TMNT 2012), Rosie Rosevelt, Coach Mitchell (Seriously watch Milo Murphy’s Law, we need a season 3), and Dot’s Zit. As you can tell the guy is VERY good at villians so he was a natural choice. 

Final Thoughts: This was a huge improvment. With the miserable parts of the pilot long gone this episode is a fun, breezy adventure that sets up our heroes, the series tone, and our bad guy some more while giving us tons of great gags. I highly look forward to whatever comes next and cannot wait for the next episode. Until then, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.

[theliterateape]

I Like to Watch | Zack Snyder’s Justice League

by Don Hall

Mythology is fun.

As a kid I loved reading Edith Hamilton’s book on the Greek gods and the myths. Hercules, Perseus, Apollo, and Hera—this fell completely in line with my love for superhero comics. The strangely petty human traits of envy, greed, and lust combined with the power to level cities make for some great storytelling.

Zeus was basically Harvey Weinstein in the retroactive revision we’re mired in today. If Harvey could’ve changed into a golden animal and boned unsuspecting ladies looking for careers in Hollywood I’m pretty certain he would. The gods and demi-gods of the Greeks dealt with daddy issues, mommy issues, bad relationships, and fighting. Lots of fighting. Sometimes for the good of humanity but more often for the glory of winning.

Zach Snyder is in the business of tackling myths and reframing them with a style all his own. His career has become its own myth.

From Dawn of the Dead (not so much a reboot of Romero's zombie mythology but a philosophical reimagining of the genre that arguably jumpstarted The Hollywood fascination with it), 300 (a borderline homoerotic take on the myth of the Greek underdog), and Watchmen (a ridiculously ambitious attempt to put one of the most iconic takedowns on the potential fascism of the superhero legend machine ever written) to his nearly single-handed hack at answering the Marvel juggernaut with Man of Steel and Batman vs Superman: Dawn of Justice, Snyder is in the artistic business of subverting and re-envisioning the mythologies we embrace without even seeing them as such.

Snyder's style is operatic. It is on a grand scale even in the most mundane moments. The guy loves slow motion like Scorcese loves mobsters and Italian food. When you're tackling big themes with larger than life stories, the epic nature of his vision makes sense and has alienated a good number of audience members. With such excess, there are bound to be missteps but I'd argue that his massive take on these characters he molds from common understanding and popular nomenclature elevates them to god-like stature.

Fans of Moore's Watchmen have much to complain about Snyder's adaptation. The titular graphic novel is almost impossible to put in any other form than the one Moore intended and yet, Snyder jumped in feet-first and created a living, breathing representation of most, if not all, of the source material's intent. Whether you dig on it or not, it's hard to avoid acknowledging that the first five minutes of Watchmen is a mini-masterpiece of style, storytelling, and epic tragedy wrapped up in a music video.

Despite a host of critical backlash for his one fully original take, Sucker Punch is an amazing thing to see. More a commentary on video game enthusiasm with its lust for hot animated chicks and over-the-top violence that a celebration of cleavage and guns, the film is crazily entertaining. For those who hated the ending, he told you in the title what his plan was all along.

The first movie I saw in the theaters that tried to take a superhero mythology and treat it seriously (for the most part) was Richard Donner's Superman: The Movie. Never as big a fan of the DC characters as I have been of Marvel, it was still extraordinary to see a character I had only really known in pages to be so fully realized. Then came Burton's Batman movies. The superhero film was still an anomaly but steam was gaining. Things changed with Bryan Singer's X-Men in 2000, then Raimi's Spiderman, and those of us who grew up with our pulpy versions of Athena, Hermes, and Hades were rewarded with Nolan's Batman Begins. A far cry from the tongue-in-cheek camp of the 1966 TV Batman, Christian Bale's Bruce Wayne was a serious character and his tale over three films is a tragic commentary filled with the kind of death and betrayal and triumph befitting the grand narrative he deserved.

I loved Singer's Superman Returns in 2006 because it was such a love letter to the 1978 film (down to the opening credits) but by then, the MCU was taking over the world.

Snyder's first of what turns out to be an epic storyline involving perhaps seven or eight movies was Man of Steel. It was fun and, while I had my issues with the broodiness of Kal El, the odd take on Jonathan Kent, and a redheaded Lois Lane, I had no issue with Superman snapping Zod's neck. Darker and more tragic than any other version of the Kryptonian, it was still super entertaining.

Then came Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. By 2016, Marvel had codified their formula of serious characters wrestling with serious issues of power and responsibility peppered with lots of good humor and bright colors. Snyder's desaturated pallete and angst-filled demi-gods was not the obvious road to financial competition.

I'll confess, I hated it. BvS felt half-rendered. Lex Luthor was kind of superficial and played as a kind of Joker. The whole Bruce Wayne wants to kill Superman thing felt undeveloped and the "Martha" moment was just stupid.

When Joss Whedon's version of Snyder's Justice League came out in 2017, I was primed for it to be a turd and I wasn't surprised. So much of it didn't work on any level. I dismissed it as DC trying and failing miserably and was comforted by the coming of Thanos.

Following Thanos and the time heist was COVID. Suddenly, we were internationally sidelined and the movie theater industry caved in. Streaming services started popping up like knock-off smartphones and Hollywood was reeling, doing anything and everything to find a way back. Since Whedon's disastrous helming of Snyder's third act, fans online had been demanding to #ReleasetheSnyderCut but no one was ever really taking them seriously until all movie production was shut down for a year.

The stage was set to remedy a mistake (or at least make some bucks on a do-over of a huge box office failure). Snyder had left the production in part because of the suicide of his daughter and in part due to the constant artistic fights over executives looking for the quippy fun of the MCU but he still had all the original footage. Add to that the broiling accusations that Joss Whedon was "abusive" during the reshoots, the path seemed destined. For an additional $70 million and complete control, Snyder delivered a four hour mega-movie streamed on HBOMax.

Of course, I was going to watch the thing as soon as I could.

The Whedon version opens with an homage to the now dead Superman (including the much maligned digitally erased mustache on Henry Cavill). The SynderCut opens with the death of Superman and the agony of his death scream as it travels across the planet. It's a simple change but exemplifies the very different visions of how this thing is gonna play out.

Snyder doesn't want us to be OK with the power of these beings unleashed. He wants us to feel the damage and pain of death. He wants the results of violence to be as real as he can. When Marvel's Steve Rogers kicks a thug across the room and the thug hits a wall, he crumples and it is effectively over. When Batman does the same thing, we see the broken bones (often in slow motion) and the blood smear on the wall as the thug slides to the ground.

The longer SnyderCut is bloated in some places (like the extended Celtic choir singing Aquaman off to sea or the extended narrations by Wonder Woman which sound slightly like someone trying to explain the plot to Siri). On the other hand, the scene with Barry Allen saving Iris West is both endearing and extraordinary, giving insight to the power of the Flash as well as some essential character-building in contrast to Whedon's comic foil version.

One thing I noticed in this variant is that Zach wants the audience to experience the sequence of every moment as the characters do. An example comes when Diana Prince goes to the crypt to see the very plot she belabors over later. The sequence is simple. She gets a torch and goes down. Most directors which jump cut to the torch. Snyder gives us five beats as she grabs the timber, wraps cloth around the end, soaks it with kerosene, pulls out a box of matches, and lights the torch. Then she goes down the dark passageway.

The gigantic, lush diversity of Snyder’s vision of the DC superhero universe—from the long shots of the sea life in the world of Atlantis to the ancient structures and equipment of Themyscira— is almost painterly. Snyder isn't taking our time; he's taking his time. We are rewarded our patience with a far better backstory for the villain, a beautifully rendered historic battle thwarting Darkseid's initial invasion (including a fucking Green Lantern), and answers to a score of questions set up in both previous films.

Whedon's Bruce Wayne was more Ben Affleck; Snyder's is full-on Frank Miller Batman, the smartest, most brutal fucker in the room. Cyborg, instead of Whedon's sidelined non-character, is now a Frankenstein's monster, grappling with the trade-off between acceptance and enormous power. Wonder Woman is now more in line with the Patty Jenkins version and instead of being told about the loss of Superman, we are forced to live with the anguish of both his mother and Lois Lane in quiet moments of incredible grief.

To be fair to Whedon (something few are willing to do as he is now being castigated not for racism or sexism but for being mean to people) having him come in to throw in some levity and Marvel-esque color to Snyder's Wagnerian pomposity is like hiring Huey Lewis to lighten up Pink Floyd's The Wall or getting Douglas Adams to rewrite Cormac McCarthy's The Road.

I loved Snyder's self-indulgent, mythologic DC universe.

So much so that I then re-watched Man of Steel and then watched the director's version of BvS (which Snyder added approximately 32 minutes). The second film is far better at three hours and Eisenberg's Lex Luthor now makes sense. Then I watched Zach Snyder's Justice League a second time.

After nineteen hours of Snyder's re-imagining of these DC heroes and villains, I saw details that, upon first viewing, are ignored or dismissed, but after seeing them in order and complete, are suddenly consistent and relevant. Like Nolan or Fincher, Snyder defies anyone to eliminate even one piece of his narrative no matter how long. With all the pieces, this is an epic story and the pieces left at the extended epilogue play into a grander narrative we will never see.

Or maybe we will. Who knows these days?

[dontasktheradiodemon]

Coastal Waters (1/8/2021)

Click here if you’re like “What the heck is this about?”

Valera @autokrates and Madame @usedhearts meet underwater, talk about Madame’s history, eat an eel, and head to the library when Valera discovers to his horror that Madame, an octopus, doesn’t know shit about octopuses. octopodes. octopi.

Madame

The sea. She hadn't even seen the ocean since she was just a girl, let alone swam deep in her waters. The water was warm against her skin, and she flowed through it with an effortless grace that she honestly didn't know she had. It felt good. It felt right, to be among the waves of this alien planet. This was were a giant octopus of a lady should be.

Madame just sat there, under the water, watching curious fish and other creatures flit towards her. She was far larger than any of them, so they were either brave or foolish. A few of the more foolish ones found their way inside her mouth for their crimes. She intentionally kept her skin a pinkish red, wanting to stand out among the reef. A color that said 'Here I am, and I'm bigger than you, so watch out!' It was perfect really.  She kept a look out for anyone else going for a swim-- she'd be sure they got a little kraken scare, just for fun.

Valera

Funny, how even on an alien planet, the ocean is still comforting to anyone who loved it. Colorful fish were abundant, the reddish light of the suns lending a faintly pink tinge to the rays coming down through the water.

And here comes Valera to torment innocent wildlife, a flash of silver followed by pink as he chases a mirror bright eel adjacent creature past Madame's resting place.

Madame

Madame's head snapped to the side as Valera passed, and quick as anything, she's off after him. That eel is the target, hm? Well, she wasn't about to let their host have an easy go of it. Tentacles opening and then thrusting back to get her speed, she closed in, trying to get it first-- or at least, make a little game of it for Valera.

Valera

It takes a few seconds for Valera to notice the appearance of a competitor, movement in the corner of his eyes nearly distracting him enough to lose track of the eel. But then the slippery menace turns on a dime, diving into a crevice in the rocks for all its worth. Valera's forced to brake, fins flaring out dramatically as he backpedals just to not smash into the rocks.

He perches on the coral, snorting out a few bubbles as he looks up at Madame. "Damn! Ah well, it'll have to come out eventually. Hello! What's an octopus like you doing in a place like this?"

Madame

Unfortunately, Madame doesn't catch herself quite as quickly as Valera, but she does slow herself enough to not smash hard against the rocks. She winced as she pulled away from them, rubbing her arm.

"Ouch. Them eels are slippery fuckers, ain't they?" She smirked at Val, swimming over to them and perching in a similar manner. "That it does. And thought I'd go for a swim, enjoy it while I can 'n all that. The closest I get to all this is my aquariums at home. This is...heaven, honestly."

Valera

Valera frowns, leaning in to sniff at Madame. Any blood? He can patch up a scrape no problem! The praise for his planet makes him purr, a soft buzz in the water that makes nearby fish start swimming closer to nibble at the pink fish's scales.

"I'm glad you're enjoying yourself! I was hoping my home would be a place of relaxation, but it seems like it's getting even more of a positive response than expected. If you really like it though, I'll see about inviting you back sometime!"

Madame

No blood, luckily, but she'd probably have a bruise or three later. Octopus skin is durable but not the best when it comes to impacts.

"Oh, I'd simply love that-- even give ya free drinks for life at the Cabaret if that'd sweeten the pot." She winked and laughed, before turning to look up at the surface, watching the sunlight glitter through. She was glad they were surrounded by salt water-- a few tears wouldn't be noticed down here.

"It truly is beautiful. Reminds me so much a home-- I ever tell ya, me 'n Alastor hail from the same place? Good ol' Nawlins, right there on the gulf. Gorgeous city, full of wonderful people 'n the best food 'n the south. When I went west with my husband, I knew I'd miss the ocean, but I didn't think I'd die without ever seein' it again." She smiled as she turned towards him.

"Ya really put some joy back in an ol' lady's heart, Valera, invitin' me here. Didn't think it'd mean as much as it does...but here we are." She laughed, and wiped at her eyes-- before remembering there was nothing to wipe. "Forgive me, gettin' all emotional. We supposed t' be lookin' for an eel, right?"

Valera

"Oh, that eel can go tie itself in knots for all I care, we're talking about this old lady here right now." Valera leans in, a clawed hand delicately patting at Madame's shoulder. "I didn't know you were from New Orleans! I've been there a few times. Lovely place. Very...." He pauses to think, plucking a wandering shrimp off the reef to gesture with. "Lively? Vibrant! You can really lose yourself in that city"

His tail winds around an outcrop, the fish settling down like he was lounging on the finest swooning couch. "So, you were married? Happily, I hope!"

Madame

She took a few breaths, the water filling her chest with warmth, and nodded.

"I was, born 'n raised. Got married a fresh faced youth 'n me 'n the husband decided to try 'n make our fortunes out west. We made it out there too, 'n then he caught ill 'n passed. Left me with a house built and some livestock bought 'n not much else. Started up doin' work on my back, 'n then collected some other girls, some a them like me, others on they own from the start. Home my husband built became my saloon 'n brothel, 'n a whole town sprung up around it. Lovely lil' place.

"But with people come folk what think they the law in a lawless patch a ground. Dumb fucks didn't like me much, and I ain't care for them neither. Startin' smugglin' for local outlaws, hidin' some. The quote-unquote 'law' got it in they heads to burn my place down, cause I was hidin' some poor boy they wanted-- surprised them when the whole thing blew to smithereens cause we was sittin' on a couple boxes a dynamite. Oh, if I coulda seen their faces...." She trailed off and then cleared her throat, laughing a little.

"But then I landed in Hell. And they did too. Strung 'em up by they own insides for I staked a claim on the land I landed on. That's where the Cabaret sits now. The asshole's skeletons're in the aquarium now, housin' crabs and whatnot. Serves 'em right."

Valera

Valera makes a sound more like a dolphin noise than a whistle, crossing one leg over the other as he listens to Madame tell her not especially tragic backstory. "It certainly does. Though I'm sure the short time they spent in Hell came as a rather nasty surprise, if they were going around calling themselves the *law*."

A snort. "It sounds like you've been a woman with a talent for business since day one, Madame. Can't say I'm surprised with the way you run things, but what a story. Sorry to hear about the husband though, losing someone is never easy."

Madame

She nodded, crossing her legs as daintily as someone who was fifteen feet tall could.

"Oh yeah, real nasty surprise for them-- shame I didn't keep 'em around longer, woulda been fun to have 'em strung up on the dart boards or somethin'."

Madame shrugged. "I did miss 'im but, after he died, I realized that I never _really_ loved him. Not like a woman 'n a man 'should' love each other. Dunno why, always been like that I suppose. But we was best friends since childhood 'n it made sense back then to marry someone y' at least liked, instead a some stranger."

Valera

"Hah! I can see it now! Are you a sadist? Five bucks a pop and you can throw your darts at the living dart boards! Ten points if you get them in the eyes, fifteen if you throw hard enough to knock a tooth out! Oh, Hell would have loved that." He cackles, popping the shrimp into his mouth for a quick snack. Mmm, crunchy!

"...Is there a 'should'?" His face twists in confusion. "Maybe it's an alien thing. I was set to bond with my own best friend before I cut that short in favor of running the Autocracy. Romance seems secondary in favor of... You know. Benefits."

Madame

"Dunno. With humans there's always a 'should', it seems. 'Ya _should_ love a man. Ya _should_ marry 'n have kids. Ya _should_ pick yerself up by yer bootstraps 'n get shit done. Ya _should_ know all the right things ta say'." She sighed and shrugged.

"Never much cared for the shoulds. Married because it seemed better'n bein' alone-- and I ended up alone anyways. So, what was the point 'n the first place? I sure as shit don't know. Just lost my best friend, that's all." Madame leaned her chin on her hand, elbow on her knee. "Think I woulda fared better with aliens then humans."

Valera

An eyebrow is raised as Valera turns what Madame said over in his mind. "I don't think marrying your best friend directly resulted in him dying, Madame. But I will admit, you wouldn't be the first human, former or otherwise, to say they would have likely been happier with an alien partner." He's absolutely talking about Pentious. And maybe a few others. He's a popular fish!

"Humans are silly creatures, and I do say that fondly! I've seen very few races as determined to bind themselves to strict social rules and roles that none of them seem to actually enjoy. It's baffling."

Madame

She laughed and nodded. "Yeah, I know whatcha mean. Most people seem happier when they break social conventions. Makes ya wonder why we even got 'em."

Madame took a breath and smiled. "And I didn't mean it so much as an alien partner as, well, maybe I was just meant to not be a human-- alien in a human body or some such. Maybe it's why I adapted ta bein' a weird giant octopus demon so well!"

Valera

"Your guess is better than mine, I'm only a human when it suits me."

He grins, all teeth. "It wouldn't surprise me. You never struck me as especially *human*, tentacles nonwithstanding. A lovely person? Yes, absolutely. You take good care of all your girls. But human? Not really." Well that's cryptic. But good luck getting him to elaborate, he's already distracted by trying to shove his arm into the crevice where the eel is hiding.

Madame

Madame let out another laugh, smirking as she shrugged and waved a hand.

"I'll take the compliment, and y'know, that reminds me a one of my go-to numbers." She slid off the rock she sat on and floated down a bit, twirling as she went.

"_I admit that in the past I've been a nasty, they weren't kidding when they called me well, a witch_...." She trailed off, giggling. "One of my favorites. That and 'When You're Good To Mama', acourse."

Valera

"Mm, I had you pinned as a contralto day one, my dear Madame." Valera glances over, against the rock up to the shoulder as he scrabbled for the eel. "You run that routine at the cabaret, right? I'll have to swing by to see it sometime! Maybe with my beau, though I don't know his opinion on burlesque just yet."

Madame

"Oh yes! Just tell me when y'all are droppin' by and I'll be sure to add myself to the night's roster." She winked and swam closer, looking at Val's arm, stuck deep in the rock.

"Any luck findin' the squirmy bastard? Or do ya need something a little more dexterous?" She wiggled a tentacle at him.

Valera

He frowns, then pulls his arm back and gestures for Madame to take his place. "I think you may have better luck, my dear. And for more than just that dexterity of yours! Mind the teeth though, those eels aren't the sharpest around, but they bite and do NOT let go."

Madame

Her arms crossed as she slid the tentacle inside, and Madame's face screwed up in concentration. A few moments later she let out a shout.

"Ow! Fucker got me, but I got him too!" With a mighty yank, her tentacle pulled back out, the eel wrapped tight in it, even as it chomped down on her. "What now, Val?"

Valera

"Now you eat him!" He crows, clapping his hands together as the eel gives the most hateful look it can muster. Though, underwater, there wasn't actually any sound to the gesture. "It's your catch, just bite him behind the eyes, nice and clean kill!"

Madame

She arched a brow, but brought the eel closer, moving to get a good angle. Madame opened her mouth and snapped down on the eel's head-- and it released it's own bite on her. She took it in her hands and bit it in half, swallowing down the front half.

Madame offered the other half to Val, grinning. "Here. Only right a guest share with her host."

Valera

He affects a dainty gasp, accepting the eel with a coquettish fluttering of his lashes. "Why THANK you, my dear Madame. Such a gracious guest, my hearts are warmed by your consideration."

And that chunk of eel is gone in a flash, yam yam. "Gods, always a tasty little morsel. Those have a lot of interesting names in various languages here, but my personal favorite is the one that translates best to..." He taps his chin, trying to think of the closest words. "Something like Bastard Snake. Bastard as in abandoned son, not the insult."

Madame

"Nah, I think the insult worst better, cause he sure was a bastard ta get outta there." She gestured toward her bitten tentacle.

"Think he mighta torn a chunk outta me. Ouch..." She brought it closer to inspect and while the chunk wasn't _gone_, it was barely hanging out. "Oh, that's a doozy..."

Valera

He leans in, taking a closer look at the damage to Madame's tentacle with a sympathetic hiss. "Oooh, that looks painful. Want me to fix it?"

A waggle of his fingers, and he extends a glowing hand. That's probably not ominous, right?

Madame

"Can ya?" She asked, her head tilting. "I'd love ta not have to whip out the scar cream for somethin' so small."

Valera

"I can! Healing and barriers are actually my specialty." He trills, looking VERY pleased with himself about that fact. "No strings attached for you, of course."

Madame

"Well, then, thank ya kindly. Yer a lovely 'n gracious host." She beamed.

Valera

He takes her tentacle in hand, smoothing over the wound with a slow sweep of his palm. A brief flash of numbness, heat, and there, good as new. No dramatics necessary! But he's still going to deliver with some SPECTACULAR jazz hands and the cheeriest grin he can muster.

"There, how's that?"

Madame

Madame let out a little 'oh!' at the numbness and heat, and as soon as her tentacle was released, it flexed and wiggled of its own accord.

"Well, that was sure somethin'! Never had a healin' like that."

Valera

"Never? Is healing magic not common in Hell?" Well, either that or Madame just didn't get hurt often. Either seemed possible.

Madame

"Oh no, it's not that. Usually gettin' somethin' healed costs-- usually a soul, or a favor, but always somethin'." She shrugged. "Try not to get into too many fights, cause the healin' is usually worse than the damage."

Valera

He squints, planting his chin on his open palm as he stares at the fixed tentacle. "I mean, I guess it cost something? All I did was encourage your natural healing. A few cell divisions to smooth over the damage, replace the torn up cells. Something that small didn't require actually replacing any massive swaths of material. You'll be hungrier than usual later, but that's about it!"

A shrug. "It would have been worse if you'd actually lost a chunk, but even then, I could have just converted a pebble to matching flesh or something. No biggie!"

Madame

"A pebble? Huh!" She tapped her chin. "That is somethin'. Yer magic's a lot more powerful than anythin' I can channel. Usual I go to good ol' Al for any real punchy magics."

Valera

"You know, people keep saying that. I never thought of myself as especially powerful." He holds up a finger. "Well, no. I have plenty of RAW power. But as far as efficiency goes, I'm absolute garbage. My magic isn't nearly as finely tuned as it could be. I burn tons of it on even small spells. Like, embarrassing amounts. Horrendously sloppy."

A sigh. "What kind of magic do you usually need from good old Alastor?"

Madame

"If I need a costume on the fly, he can magic up some pretty good threads. He's fairly good at some basic healin'-- like if ona my acts sprains somethin'. And of course, the best magic of all-- his reputation. Ain't nobody gonna mess with the Cabaret none if I got the Radio Demon in my back pocket." She paused.

"Don't tell him I said that, he wouldn't take kindly to it."

Valera

He waves a hand, grin turning downright impish. "What, me? Tell an Alastor that his reputation is helping protect his friends? My dear, I would *never*."

Madame

Madame giggled, and winked at him. "Yer a peach, shug." She put her hands on her hips.

"Anythin' else ya wanna tag team, huntin' wise? I'm down for a lil explorin' 'n huntin', if you are."

Valera

Valera sticks his tongue out, slowly unwinding his tail from his anchor point. "No, I'm a fish! But I understand the confusion. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone your mistake." A wink.

"We'll have to browse the local selection, Madame! If you're amenable to a bit of window shopping, that is."

Madame

"I dunno about that, ya ass is pretty peachy!" She cackled, swimming closer to take his arm.

"I'm a fan a any kinda shoppin', includin' the window kind!"

Valera

Oho! Quick on the sass with that one, was she? Good! Keeps things interesting. He politely flutters his fins, turning his head this way and that to scout out a meal.

"You're more of an ambush predator, no?"

Madame

"Think so! Don't know too much bout octopuses honestly? Only what I've been able to figure out, mostly. But it worked earlier!" She laughed.

Valera

... He turns his head back to look at Madame, eyebrows inching up slowly but surely.

"Pardon? You don't know about octopuses? The very animal your soul was moulded after for your eternal punishment?"

Madame

She laughed, oh that look on his face!

"Yup! Thinka how surprised I was when I dropped inta Hell lookin' like this!" She gestured to herself. "Knew things like fish 'n gators 'n the like, 'n even the tiny little octopuses, but never one as big as me!"

Valera

He squints, slowly turning them back towards the shore. Sounds like they're about to make a trip to the *library*.

"I'm sure. So you're not familiar with how octopus brains work? Or the semi-independent "minds" of their tentacles?"

Madame

"Oh, is that why they sometimes do shit on they own?" She giggled again, going along with Val's movements.

"And no, I ain't. Never thought to look it up, too busy buildin' my business 'n keepin' it."

Valera

He snorts. Yes, this library visit is sounding more and more necessary. But he's not above setting a sedate pace. A couple of friends on a relaxing swim, no need to flip.

"Yes, Madame. You'll also be pleased to know that were you an octopus of the male persuasion, one of your tentacles would also be your penis." A pause, and he amends. "Well, theoretically. It gets wibbly when you mix humans and other species. I doubt you'd lay four hundred thousand eggs and then die from a single mating."

Madame

Her eyes widened and she can't help but laugh again. "Oh fuck! Yeah, sure glad I don't do that! Woulda double died a long time ago!"

Valera

"If it makes you feel any better, the Earth fish I most resemble, the lionfish, can lay..." A tap at his lips, give him a moment to recall... Oh, yes, there we go. "Fifteen thousand eggs every four days?"

That's so many. He shudders at the very thought. "I'm not *quite* so prolific. But fret not, my dear. All those facts and more can be safely tucked into your noggin once we find you a book that doesn't read like watching paint dry. I know there's SOMETHING about octopuses being able to tamper with their own biology on the fly."

Madame

"Oh? That sounds interestin'. And yeah, glad we ain't out here layin' thousands of eggs, that's just too much." She laughed, giving his arm a squeeze in hers.

Valera

And off they go, back to shore and beyond, to educate an octopus woman on her own partial biology. How lovely.

[loiskane]

Shadow and Bone thoughts, notes eps 4-6

Book spoilers (no Rule of Wolves spoilers)

Ep 4

Jesper and the goat!!!!!! I love him

Tbh as much as I love them, I don't love how the Crows take up a good chunk of in every episode. This part is supposed to be Alina's story. Which will be over at some point and then it will be all about them and we're not going to see her and most characters ever again or only briefly. (unless they adapt King of Scars duology please adapt them please)

"You used to hide there as a boy", i smell bullshit Aleksander when were you there as a boy. The fountain is about YOU.

I love seeing filming locations I've been to several times

I like how Marie and Nadia are actually nice to her. They're not like super close with her and probably would ignore her if she was a regular squaller or Materialki  but they’re not mean either        

Nina!! You tell him

I'm still not trilled with the backstory change and while Danielle is a great actress, she's waay thinner than Nina is in the books. She's probably not Hollywood thin, but still.

It's kinda funny how this plan is similar to what the crew in The Gilded Wolves book do. Pretending to be other people, including artists and performers to break in to a fancy event. Btw The Gilded Wolves is a really great series, and there might be similarities it's not a knock-off SoC. Would recommend it. The second book is even better.

Get away from her go to jail

I wonder if the intimate scene will be in the show (probably yes ewww)

Seeing Mal's side of the story parallel to Alina shows so much they are so tragic at this point. Even in the books it's clear he cares for her a lot, we just see it through Alina's pov who doubts

We get a little less from Alina though

Her using her powers is amazing though 

Ep 5

These backdrops are so Hungarian sometimes lol

Grisha will have new opportunities. King of Scars says no. But hopefully after Rule of wolves things will be better.

That is not what a straight person would do Genya, I don't care you're a tailor who touches people's faces all the time

YES THEY GOT THE POWERFUL MEN LINE

DAVID

They are so cute (Genya and Alina, and Genya and David too )

Book spoilers make me sad

We love an Inej and Jesper scene (I also stood in the literal spot they're standing omg last time I visited there)

What a show off I love him

They are so cuteeee sneaking out

Fedyor was just pranking them

Oh you need a FABRIKATOR to open it if only we had one of thosee

Also I'm waiting on them showing Jesper is attracted to women too, he's the bi disaster

Idunwantit.gif (to Darklina)

She's so funny

Get away from her

Omg nooooooo

JESPER

He looks fine in that uniform

"I'm a terrible actor" suree

Zoyaa. Oh that's interesting.

Gay (queer) heartrenders?? Feeding each other?? Did i misread that?

It's a shame they didn't put Genya in green for this like in the book

SUN SUMMONER

Oh Inej

He's so arrogant I want to hit him the face

Genya WRECKED him

What is she wearing under her kefta so it’s bulletproof? Did David make something for her awww

Nooooo

oh shit right Genya can't heal major injuries

Oh no who's going to die in Siege and Storm if Marie's already dead?? Not Nadia I hope. They could give a bigger part to the Alkemi girl who also dies there in the books. Also how will this affect Fedyor, losing Marie is key to him betraying them to the Darkling, but since her death happens earlier and not because they opposed the Darkling, but under his rule so then why would he betray them

At least he asks for consent?? (i still hate him though)

“Maybe you're dehydrated from the heat in your hut", that was savage Alina lol

Baghra dragging the Darkling, we stan

Well the mission is not going well is it Kaz

Is Kaz Brekker really worth killing for though??

She just jumped off that balcony wow

This shows exactly who he is, dude just threatened his own mother

Ep. 6

Zoya is so pretty

Ben is doing a c t i n g

"Poor Nina". Like you actually care, beyond her being an asset

They let her gooo

Inej and Alina awww

Szentendre (aka Ryevost) - sorry i’m annoying abt filming locations but 1 of my all time favourite fantasy series gets adapted and shot in the country i live in

Dragonfruit!!!

fuck that racist guy

Well Zoya's not wrong, she left on her own

Zoya he's not worth it

Zoya using her powers yeees

He found his way back to her!!

Sharing a bed trope always a good one

we stan the height difference (Alina & Mal)

HE SAID THE THING is this once upon a time (I will always find youuuu)

Heleen has the shares because Kaz is an idiot sometimes who does idiot stuff

See her powers don't scare him, stop saying he's intimidated by her being strong and more powerful than him he's not

The lineeeee, I will NEVER get over

Oh Matthias you'll never be back in your bed ooof

"I like it when you turn red", i mean increased circulation is good when you're cold

You are not happy people Matthias! but ofc you, a Fjerdan MAN, would say this

Askskjdf so many book lines

They are cute

Never been a huuge stan of them but they are cute

So ketfas are resistant to bullets okay (i feel this was probably in the books)

David still could've made hers though, which is cute but also messed up because Genya's kefta represents her being a servant and what the Darkling GIFTING HER to the Queen led to

Zoya's smile after scaring people i love it

Now this is interesting

Smoke and mirrors, smoke and mirrors, works even against the Darkling

I hope they don't make this into a rivalry idk if I want the Crows to be too involved with the fight against the Darkling

Nina is so extra and shameless I love her 

She killed again, I blame Kaz 

Noo don't hit David, how DARE you Kaz

They stole his carriage looool

[animatedminds]

What If: Every Character In Dragonball FighterZ Had a Dramatic Finish? (Pt. 4 - Final)

Well, here we are at the end. For the last four days, this blog has been going over each of the characters in Dragonball FighterZ - the tragic, bereft ones without Dramatic Finish - and imagining what moments from their history would work best in Arcsys’ glorious animation style.

So far we’ve gone through near the whole franchise, with only a few characters left - and there’s no time like the present to give those few remaining characters their chance.

As before, this isn’t so much a request for all these characters to legitimately get Dramatic Finishes - Arc System Works’ animation is too intricate and time consuming for that to be a reality - as much as speculation of what might have been. Though only a few of the characters in the roster can have a Dramatic Finish, most of them can definitely carry one in my opinion, and at the very least it makes a great excuse to go back and watch a few classic Dragonball clips. It’s worth noting again, as well, that on this list we’re looking for appearances in Dramatic moments: not necessarily wins. Across the list there have been quite a few characters whose best, most cinematic options have been losses of theirs. If you want the whole list, no lines, no waiting, no need to go back, check out the SoundCloud cast of the whole thing - or if you prefer to sit back and read here’s Part 1, Part 2 and - of course - Part 3. But let’s get on with it. Last time we finished off Dragonball Super (with one exception), and UI Goku himself hit the stores... that is, without the Dramatic Finish we were expecting (that went to Blue Goku). What’s left here are the extras: additional characters, interesting ideas that don’t fit anywhere else, that sort of thing. But first, one thing needs to be settled with the last remaining Super character...

That, right. Goku (Ultra Instict) himself!

As you might have figured from what I just said - and the previous entry - the Dramatic Finish that came with the latest DLC turned out not to be an Ultra Instinct Goku Finish with Kefla, but was actually given to Goku Blue instead. This not only knocked Goku Blue off the list (just as well since - as I went through last time - the option I thought of for Goku Blue and the option I thought of for Hit were one and the same) and, naturally means we had to put Ultra Instinct Goku on in his stead.

This is a little tricky, as some of Goku’s best moments in the Tournament of Power have already been snapped up by the game. The Surfing Kamehameha moment with Kefla is of course the stand out, but there’s also already a Goku vs Jiren Dramatic Finish (with Base Goku). They’ve repeated themselves before - giving a Vs Freeza Dramatic Finish to both Super Saiyan and Base Goku (and I’ve already suggested what is effectively a third, albeit starting with Blue Vegeta), but it still makes this an odd thing to approach.

As seems typical, I ended up with two big ideas. You guys might not like this ruling so much, since the first is an overall very solid moment, and the second - my main idea - is a little unorthodox, but bear with me.

For the first idea, a picture perfect Dramatic Finish, I’d go with the moment Jiren attacks the stands, along with Goku’s enraged payback.

For those who haven’t seen the arc, the Tournament of Power is odd among Dragonball major storylines in that there isn’t really a “bad guy.” Everyone is fighting on equal terms in a universal storyline, for fear of having their universe erased if they lose (stakes which - spoilers - turns out to be semi-fake, or at least more than they think). Everyone in the tournament, moral or amoral, is neutral to one another... but that doesn’t mean they don’t have their hang-ups.

Jiren - the final boss - is a being who suffered hardship in his youth because he felt he wasn’t strong enough, and so dedicated his life to obtaining more power. Goku - anime protagonist that he is - claims that his power comes from his friends and Jiren, who couldn’t care less about friendship, doesn’t exactly like that, especially when Goku starts winning. So he throws a fit and tries to blow up Goku’s friends to prove a point. Goes without saying that Goku didn’t exactly like that either. This moment is very self contained, cinematic and strong, with quickly established stakes and an epic conclusion, which makes it a perfect Dramatic Finish - in fact, it might not have been a bad place to end the original arc itself. You would pretty much have to do it on the Galactic Arena stage - which is a FighterZ original - as the lack of a Tournament of Power stage means there’s no other place for Goku and Jiren to have a battle of the scale we’d need while also letting his friends be there in the firing line. But, that being the case, you would simply have it start - as all Dramatic Finishes do - with Jiren getting knocked back, he rants about how friendship is easily erased and shoots a blast as the stands, Goku deflects it, and goes to town: a fight ensues a la the Super Broly Dramatic Finish, with a couple extra dramatic shots, and ending with an uppercut and massive Kamehameha that takes Jiren out. End with a shot of Goku standing over Jiren, but on a much less cheerful note than the Base Goku one.

All in all, it’s a pretty great idea. One only has to look at the clip to see that. So what’s my other option, which I would prefer? Well... we’ve seen so many good Dramatic Finishes in the game, I kind of think the Dramatic Openings could use a little love, don’t you? I’ve already suggested a few, but mostly as side ideas. However, this one could serve as the most epic opening in the game, if done well. The moment where Goku goes Ultra Instinct for the very first time:

Against Jiren again, of course.

The hypest moment of any transformation is always the moment the hero unlocks it. The point where they’re pushed to their limit and tap into that power they didn’t know they had. The God and Blue transformations were elaborate and offscreen, respectively, so this was really Super’s big transformation moment, and it was definitely hype.

Much earlier on, Goku tries to finish Jiren off with what he hopes is his ace in the hole - the Spirit Bomb. Jiren, having none of that, just flings it back... the resulting war ends with Goku losing: the blast slowly overtakes Goku before detonating in a truly spectacular way, and for a moment it looks like Goku is done.

That is, until he steps out of the transformation... changed.

It would definitely be the most elaborate Dramatic Opening - with the same amount of scene-work and modeling you would expect from a Dramatic Finish, but it would be worth it. The Dramatic scenes have in general become more and more spectacular over the years, but most of the Openings were early and so missed out on it. Still, the best thing about the Dramatic Openings is that they really get you energized for the fight to come - make you feel like it’s about to go down, and this scene would absolutely accomplish that. Not to mention, it would go perfectly alongside the Super Saiyan Goku and Super Saiyan 2 Gohan transformation openings as well.

But both options work pretty well, and either way it would be a great way to let the newest content in the franchise continue to shine. If Moro shows up later in this season, I’ll be surprised, but you can bet they’re will be some options off of that. But with Super now officially done, we move on to the truly extra candidates. Starting with...

Android #21

The villain of FighterZ’s story mode herself: a terrifying android who, thanks to a few infused traits from the Buu line, seeks to consume all life on Earth - while at odds with her own good side.

Since literally her only content ever is FighterZ’s story mode there’s not much to pull from, but luckily the choice for her is an absolute no-brainer. I’ve mentioned before that you could give her a decent Dramatic Finish with Android 16 - using any of his death scenes - but the best option is simply to take the end of the story mode, modify it and give it to us as a Finish of its own.

That’s right, we’re talking about the moment where Good #21 sacrifices herself to take Evil #21 out for good.

And, on the unique side, it would make this the only Dramatic Finish to trigger off of a mirror match - which is something rather impossible for anyone else.

You would need Goku on your team, of course - in a climax reminiscent of Kid Buu’s death, the moment involves Goku charging a Spirit Bomb while #21 holds her evil self off. Once the bomb is ready, Goku lets it fly - but Evil #21 is just powerful enough that she can resist the explosion. All seems lost, until the good half, knowing that she still holds the malice within that could lead to her becoming like her other self one day, tackles her evil embodiment - resulting in both being eradicated in a blazing explosion.

It’s a simple moment, sans all the dialogue, and the would be very simple to adapt to a Dramatic Finish: arguably, you would barely have to alter anything that isn’t already there (well, besides making the models fully animate in the “in between” moments, which would probably take some doing). Granted, one would have to have played the story mode to know what’s going on, but it’s not as if Dramatic Finishes aren’t fairly lore heavy in the first place.

And with her settled, we move on to the next questionably canon character without a Dramatic Finish, and one that was pretty hard to think of one for...

Goku (Dragon Ball GT)

... I don’t want to say “why couldn’t this have just been Kid Goku?” I really don’t.

However, for the purposes of this list, him being GT Goku makes it almost impossible to think of a Dramatic Finish. There’s the rumors Omega Shenron is going to be appearing later on in the season, but so far those are only that: rumors.

Otherwise, Goku doesn’t really get much in the way of awesome fighting moments against the rest of the game roster. He fights against Gohan (and adult Goten, which for obvious reasons isn’t happening) when the latter was under Baby’s control, but that doesn’t really have a conclusive end - let alone a dramatic one. He fights Vegeta in the same way, but Baby Vegeta is very much a different character from any other Vegeta we’ve got, far past the point of finagling, so the reference wouldn’t work.

Thus, I’ve mostly been going with “why not just pretend GT Goku is Kid Goku” for this list and any future Dramatic Finish. It came up in the Tien section, if and when Roshi appears it’s my suggestion for him as well, and it works far easier than trying to shoehorn a GT scene into the game.

With that in mind, I’ve already noted a great option in the first part of this: the end of Tien and Goku’s first fight, on the Tenkaichi Budokai stage. It’s epic, it’s a classic moment, and it’s lots of fun. Honestly, it’s GT Goku’s best option for a Finish.

But to give a new idea, I’d love for them to do something small but sweet for GT / Kid Goku. Something that would be both a cool call back, and a neat fighting game classic moment as well.

I’m talking about Goku and Krillin’s fistbump:

This still takes some finagling - that’s Kid Krillin you see above you, who is a lot smaller than his adult version (though not by much, you’d think). And there’s also a moment like this in Super between adult Krillin and and what would be in Base Goku in FighterZ terms, which would probably work even better (if anything, they could make this opening between Krillin and Base Goku and have GT Goku stand in during the flashback) -

- but if we’re talking about GT- sorry, “Kid Goku,” giving him this moment would work fairly well too. It’s another moment geared towards presenting a classic reference from the series’ oldest days, and gives us a sweet Dramatic Opening vs a tense and spectacular one.

It also doubles as a decent fighting game ref. Having characters who in lore are friends enter a fight with a simple fistbump or some other sign of respect is an enduring opening idea that’s most often seen in Street Fighter - which has often had Ryu and Ken begin fights this way.

This kind of small but sweet reference has somewhat gone out of style these days, along with a lot of the nuances you got with sprite-based fighters, but if it could be done more, I’d actually love to see it.

Here, for this case, you would simply have it happen on the Tenkaichi Budokai stage, and either have them walk onto the stage together and fistbump or - to save on animation costs - just begin with them doing it and jumping back to fight. For the full Base Goku version, doing that with a flashback of Kid Goku (a la GT Goku standing-in) doing the same, and then back to them as adults.

That and the Tien Finish are really the best GT Goku’s going to get unless something changes in the future, and both are pretty neat ideas, so that’s as far as we’re going to get with him.

And that’s the whole roster: with this list, now everyone has a Dramatic Finish. So I’ll end it instead with a truly extra suggestion: a Finish for a character who already has one, but which would be a very different kind of Finish that would still be pretty neat.

Kid Buu Destroys The World

I’ve already suggested something like this for Blue Vegeta’s Dramatic Finish - a finish in which the bad guy wins, and blows up the planet. It’s something that’s oddly cool to think about. Dragonball has many fantastic moments, including ones where the bad guys get ahead - King Piccolo blowing up Shenron, Nappa wiping out Goku’s friends, Cell crippling Vegeta and humiliating Trunks - but in the end, we mostly talk about the heroic ones.

So why not flip the script and just do one where everything goes to hell? Literally, for the evil people who happen to be on Earth.

Buu doing this is even more iconic than Freeza, imo, because while Freeza has been destroying planets for longer, it was always planets that weren’t our heroes’ own. He killed off Namek, but when he tried to come back to Earth and do it on the good guys’ home turf he got eviscerated - it wasn’t until a long time after that he was finally able to pull it off, and by then the heroes had a means of instantly undoing it. I still think Freeza vs Vegeta is a good choice for a potential Blue Vegeta Dramatic Finish, but if you’re approaching it from a “let’s make a Finish were it all goes horribly” standpoint, Buu is the standout moment.

For this, Kid Buu wins against Super Saiyan Vegeta or Goku. After the customary knockback, Buu grins, and laughs, and creates a planet destroying ball of energy. Goku and Vegeta run, but can’t get away - for bonus points, you could have Gohan, Goten + Trunks, and Piccolo on the ground, just out of saving range as the two are forced to instant transmission away. Cut to a shot of the planet as a whole, just before it all goes up.

Then, in the empty nothing of space, Buu reconstitutes, and flies off for more destruction. The end.

It’s a very different feel from the rest of the Dramatic Finishes, I think, which is why I felt it deserved to be on here even though Buu already has one. It’s just a fun, extra idea of the kinds of interesting things they might decide to do with Dramatic Finishes in the future.

And that’s everyone!

Hope you all enjoyed sitting through my nerdy listing habit. This was a lot of fun, going through all these Dragonball moments, remembering this and that and finding the most epic things each of our favorite characters have done. This isn’t even touching the iceberg for most of the cast, but if they do someday decide to give more of the rosters Dramatic Openings, none of these would at all be a bad place to start.

But if you think I’ve got the wrong idea, let me know. If there’s some moments you think would be better, give ‘em a try! Keep playing FighterZ if you have it, and simply stay Sparking if you don’t. The sky’s the limit for Dragonball, maybe even farther, and sometimes I think we haven’t seen anything yet!

[animalclasslists]

Homebrew Beastfolk - Suuidan

“Don’t fight for glory, for it is fleeting. Don’t fight for a king or queen, for such people are fickle and have seldom stood beside those who serve them. No, if you must fight, fight for the warm fire at home. Fight for the smiling faces of your family, your friends, those you care for the most. Fight for the heroes feast that awaits you on your return. Such things are not just worth fighting for, they’re worth living for.”

--

(Based on the Domestic Pig class list)

While the Suuidan civilization is a very old one, stretching back thousands of years according to the writings of its people, up until recently it was rare to see one of its citizens outside of its mountainous borders. Due to a seemingly humble mushroom, however, they are ever more making themselves known in the wider world both as merchants and as heroes.

Outwardly, the Suuidan resemble bipedal pigs, similar to ones raised for meat and other products by the likes of humans, though they often insist they are as far removed from such creatures as humans are from other apes. Their bodies are stocky and from the outside often seem excessively fatty, but in truth they have more muscle than most suspect at first glance. Their legs are more slender than one might suspect for creatures of the Suuidans’ weight, though they are still sturdy and surefooted. Their arms are more powerful looking, ending in two thick fingers tipped with hoof-like claws and an opposing thumb. Generally their skins are light or mottled with sparse hair, though more woolly Suuidan are known to live higher in the mountains that ring the valleys they call home. Visible tusks are common on male Suuidan, though they are usually too small to be of use as weapons.

The Suuidan occupy the small nation of Suuari, which mostly consists of a handful of wide valleys set within a range of towering mountains. Though the journey there may be treacherous, with only a handful of winding paths leading into and out of the valleys, once there it is a sight to behold. Rows and rows of verdant fields, lush orchards, and flowering meadows stretch towards the jagged horizon all throughout Suuari. This near endless green is broken only by towns and small cities that are decorated from floor to ceiling in colorful paint, rich silks, and countless pieces of art. Those areas not set to till or used for housing are often carefully tended wild forests, from which Suuidan extract one of their most precious exports: truffles.

Of course, Suuari was not always a lush, green paradise. In the far reaches of Suuidan history, it is noted that the mountains and valleys the pig-folk occupied were a harsh, inhospitable place. Due to unpredictable and harsh weather, famines were common in these lands, and even those forms of life that clung to existence often had chemical defenses that made them unpalatable. Though the Suuidan eventually adapted to these difficult food sources, it was still common to see tragic die offs in less fruitful years. Much of Suuidan history is marked with struggles against the elements, with several wars being sparked by famines hitting different valleys.

Over the years, however, the Suuidan began to take a different approach, one of engineering and planning. Rather than rely on fickle magic or higher powers, the Suuidan utilized their innate cleverness to begin shaping their environment in a fashion that would make a rock gnome proud. Selective breeding turned even the most hostile of foodstuffs into renowned delicacies. Engineering brought water from tiny mountain springs into great reservoirs that now feed the entire nation. Keen observations of weather patterns fueled almanacs that took much of the guesswork out of when to plant and harvest crops to get their maximum yield. Even the soil seemed to bow to the Suuidan’s wishes, with their take on crop rotation turning relatively barren soil into fertile loam.

Perhaps their most impressive achievements, however, is the domestication of an otherwise rare and treasured fungus: truffles. What is a difficult and expensive treat other races have to go to great lengths to hunt for, Suuidan have been able to regularly harvest from their forests for hundreds of years. Even before domestication, the keen noses of the pig folk have reliably allowed them to pick out wild truffles since the dawn of their civilization.

Thus, once their now prosperous nation was opened wide to the rest of the world, many nobles quickly took notice of their cuisine, especially their liberal use of an ingredient nearly worth its weight in gold. While other agricultural goods found their way out of Suuari, it was this little fungus that made gold flow into the Suuidan’s coffers the most. 

Of course, where there is gold, there is conflict. Greedy eyes soon fell on this nation of beastfolk, and while Suuari had long since put aside its petty warring, battle soon came to its borders. Those wishing to subjugate the Suuidan and take their hard-won plenty for themselves swarmed into the mountain passes. Surely these soft, gluttonous folk would be ripe for conquest.

Unfortunately for invaders, the Suuidan’s penchant for engineering was not just applied to agriculture. As hostile forces began to muster at the foot of the mountains surrounding Suuari, the pig folk turned their intellect towards methods of self defense. Ingenious traps turned the narrow paths through the mountains into death traps, supplemented by advanced weapons wielded by brave Suuidan warriors and their own natural hardiness. This, combined with the natural inhospitable nature of the mountains outside of the Suuidan’s borders, proved successful in repelling many invaders over the years. Yet some still try.

Conflicts with foreign powers aside, the Suuidan are naturally very friendly, jovial people, far more likely to try and make peace than to seek war. Greedy eyes, it seems, have not hampered their love for good food, good company, and new stories to tell by the fire. A harsh history has taught the Suuidan to seize the day, enjoy the moment, and to relish even the simple pleasures of a good meal with friends. Annual wars and their subsequent era of plenty have shown them that more can be done with an extended hand of friendship than one gripping a dagger. Thus, Suuidan culture often revolves around feasting, dancing, creating art or new technology, and enjoying present company. Even their common clothing and architecture tend to reflect this, with sturdy masonry being covered with decorations so bright and colorful that newcomers often think they’ve arrived in the middle of a festival. 

Suuidan that leave Suuari are often merchants and farmers selling produce or ingenious mechanical trinkets, traversing the land with hand pulled carts. Suuidan adventurers are rare but not unheard of: warriors seeking family heirlooms looted during an orcish raid on Suuari, artificers hoping to expand their technological horizons, spellcasters eager to see societies that run on magic, even swashbuckling cooks looking for the perfect recipe.

Statistics:

Ability Score Increase: Your Constitution score increases by +2, and your Intelligence score increases by +1

Age: Suuidan reach maturity at around 10 years of age and tend to live until their mid 60s

Size: Suuidan can reach up to 5-6 feet in height but are extremely stocky, reaching 500-700 pounds.

Speed: Your base walking speed is 30 feet

Languages: You are able to read and write in Common and Suueshi. The latter is a surprisingly quick and complex language spoken partially through the nose, and the script is largely pictographic.

Iron Gut: Your sturdy body and hardy digestive system give you a resistance to ingested substances that might harm other humanoids. You are immune to disease and poison effects triggered by ingested substances, and you have resistance to poison damage. In addition, you are able to consume and process food that other humanoids might not be able to, such as grasses, bark, and bone.

Show Cooking: Nearly every Suuidan family has a selection of culinary delights that have been passed down from generation to generation, and so most if not all Suuidan are capable chefs. You are proficient in the use of Cook’s Utensils. Should you use your cooking utensils to prepare food over the course of a short rest, any who consume the meal will gain temporary hit points equal to your proficiency modifier. This gain of temporary hit points can only happen at the conclusion of a short rest. Following the short rest, you can still consume the food as normal, but it will not impart any unique effects. Depending on the uniqueness of the ingredients and your Cook’s Utensils skill check, your DM may decide to impart other benefits (or penalties) to your food other than the temporary hit point increase at the conclusion of the short rest. Reminder, temporary hit points do not stack!

Keen Smell: The Suuidan nose is extremely sensitive. You have the advantage on Perception, Survival, and Investigation checks that rely on smell.

Sturdy Body: While Suuidan outwardly look overweight, their bodies are incredibly sturdy and are adapted to store energy in case of famine. You have advantage on saving throws on spells and effects meant to knock you prone and you can last twice as long without food as those of other races. 

[duhragonball]

Dragon Ball Z 261

Last time, Gotenks and Piccolo escaped the Hyperbolic Time Chamber, but not soon enough to prevent Majin Buu from turning everyone on the Lookout into chocolate and eating them.    Gotenks, now a Super Saiyan 3, is determined to avenge his mother(s), so you’d think he’d finally make some headway in this fight.  But not really.  He seems to be able to go toe-to-toe with Buu this way, but he’s not exactly dominating the guy.

At this point in the battle, Buu is using his elastic body to stretch and contort himself out of the path of Gotenks’ blows.   The first time I saw this, I wondered why he hadn’t done anything like this before, but now it’s clear to me that Buu never needed to before.   Until now, Gotenks’ punches and kicks weren’t even hurting the guy, so there was no need to dodge him at all.   The only thing SSJ1 Gotenks did that hurt Super Buu was the Super Ghost Kamikaze Attack, and even that wasn’t enough to put the guy down.  

Even now, I doubt Buu really needs to bother with this.  He’s just toying with Gotenks here.

Then Buu swings him down through the Lookout, and chases him through the hole he just made. 

Buu follows Gotenks to a lake on the Earth’s surface, and somehow Gotenks manages to sneak up on him, commando-style, which seems kind of odd considering how much power he must be putting out just to maintain SSJ3.

Then he busts out a new move: Brain Crush Hammer.   

This... cuts Buu in half, which is pretty cool, except it doesn’t exactly live up to the name “Brain Crush Hammer”.

Gotenks blasts both pieces with the “Finish Flash”, which I guess is like the Final Flash only he keeps his hands apart and fires in two different directions.  

From the Supreme Kai Planet, Goku, Kibito, and the Supreme Kai watch the battle in a crystal ball, and they’re all pleased with Gotenks’ performance.  Goku’s so high on the job he’s doing that he’s beginning to think Buu will be defeated before Gohan even gets a chance to fight.

This is especially frustrating to Gohan, because he has to sit here for 20 hours as part of the Elder Kai’s power-up spell, or whatever it’s called.   He’s got to be at like 19:57 by now, but he can’t watch the battle with his dad, and if he gets distracted, it’ll just take that much longer to finish the work.   On top of that, even the Elder Kai isn’t required to focus on this.   He’s been reading comic books this whole time.

Stop me if you’ve heard this one, but Gotenks did this big flashy move on Majin Buu, and he thought he had this in the bag, only for Buu to reassemble himself and turn the tables on him.  This is pretty much every fight Buu has been in.   The only difference is that stronger characters just manage to last longer, but the results don’t really change.

I think that’s kind of a problem with this guy.    It’s not as bad as Frieza, where people knew he was invincible, attacked him anyway, and then they were all surprised to see that he wasn’t even scratched.  It got old really fast, and that’s why I always get bored watching the Frieza Saga up to the part where Goku turns Super Saiyan.  

I’d suggest that this is part of the reason why I like the Saiyans and Androids better as villains.   We know the Saiyans are beatable, because Goku’s a Saiyan and he could be beaten, provided his opponent is strong enough.  The androids were presented as invincible, but #19 is the first one we see in action, and he gets beaten without a lot of trouble, so it offers a glimmer of hope that the stronger androids that follow have their own weaknesses.   

What makes Cell so awesome is that he’s eminently vulnerable.   He needs to feed on humans to get stronger, and then he’s dependent upon the androids to achieve his final form.  Even in his ultimate form, he still takes all sorts of hits, if only to show off his regeneration powers. He’s a daunting challenge, but there’s still lots of ways to attack him. 

WIth Buu, I think the idea is that no one really knows what they’re getting into when they fight this guy.   Dabura thought he was a joke, and even Babidi was worried when Dabura ran him through with a spear.  Except Buu could just regenerate and turn Dabura into a cookie.   Vegeta seemed to do better against Buu, almost lulling you into thinking he had a chance, but really, that fight was just a repeat of Dabura’s effort.  Vegeta could damage Buu, but Buu would just pull himself back together and keep fighting.  

This move right here that Gotenks is using is called the “Super Balloon Bomber”, but it’s basically just more exploding ghosts.   The SBB is simply Gotenks making thirteen ghosts all at once instead of making ten ghosts one at a time.  Also, he says these ghosts pack a bigger wallop when they blow up, which makes sense, considering Gotenks is at Super Saiyan 3 this time.   

And Buu can’t dodge these guys as easily as the last set, so maybe these ghosts are faster too.    Makes sense.

But the outcome is basically the same.    Buu gets blown up, but he can still pull himself back together.  

It irritates him whenever he has to do that, so I don’t know, maybe this is draining his stamina every time, but it sure doesn’t seem like it.   No one ever observes that Buu ki is getting slightly weaker.

And Gotenks is lulled into this false sense of security, because he did an impressive move on Buu, and even Buu is upset about it.  He thinks he’s winning, but when you get down to it, what did the Super Baloon Bomber accomplish that the Finish Flash didn’t? 

And this is why I have my doubts that Goku ever really stood a chance against Fat Buu back in episode 245.  He only thinks he might have been able to beat him, but all he really proved was that he could last longer against Buu than Vegeta did.   Just like Gotenks is proving that he can last longer than either of them.   But it doesn’t do any good to last longer if you can’t put the guy away.

Now, I’m pretty sure the whole fight down on Earth was filler.   If I recall correctly, Buu and Gotenks stayed on the Lookout the whole time until it was destroyed, but in the anime, Buu knocks him down to the ground, they fight there for a while, and then Buu shoots him back up to the Lookout, and they resume there.  But it’s hard for me to tell the difference, because the filler parts of the battle scenes fit almost seamlessly with the ones adapted from the manga.   It’s a simple formula. Hero does a big move, Buu either no-sells it or recovers a few seconds later.

Meanwhile, Piccolo’s been having a nervous breakdown over the Lookout getting destroyed by all this fighting.   It’s easy to lose sight of this, what with everything else getting trashed.   The world below is nearly deserted, most of the main cast is dead, and there’s really nothing stopping Buu from just blowing up the whole planet if he wants.   But the Lookout has been an institution on this show for years.    It’s pretty wild watching it get smashed to pieces like this.  It���s like Toriyama decided he would use the Buu arc to just tear down the entire world he had built over the past decade, and it’s awesome to watch it all fall apart.  Z stands for the end.

Meanwhile, Mr. Satan and Bee are still trudging through the wasteland.   Satan seems to think there should be people here, which I don’t understand, since this place looks like it would be deserted even before Buu showed up. 

Then they spot a city, and that boosts Mr. Satan’s spirits somewhat.    Surely, there must be survivors there.  

But no, this town might have been spared from Fat Buu, but Super Buu wiped out the population with the Human Extinction Attack.   Mr. Satan doesn’t realize that, because even though he saw the attack like everyone else, he never got hit, and he never saw anyone else get hit, so he doesn’t realize what it was intended to do.  

There’s something very tragic about how he calls out for a hero’s welcome.  We’ve seen before how much Mr. Satan’s self-esteem depends on his fame and celebrity.   He was terrified of being the runner-up in the 25th Budokai, for goodness’ sake.   Jewel was the runner-up in the 24th Budokai, and everyone seemed to love that dude, but it’s not enough for Mr. Satan.  Now, he’s stuck in a world where he can’t call upon his fame because all his fans are dead.  

But at least there’s food and water.   Satan loots a grocery store and gives Bee a dish of milk.  Not sure that’s good for dogs, but this is Dragon Ball Z, so who cares?   All those pterosaurs in this show have big fat bodies and tiny li’l wings and they can still fly.    Dogs drink milk here.

Satan still can’t figure any of this out.  He knows Buu was a decent person at heart, and yet he’s destoryed the entire world.    Why? It just doesn’t make sense.

Then they move on, and Satan sees Fat Buu in the clouds.   I don’t really buy into Satan/Buu slash, but I get why people do.  You could write a gay romance story about Batman wondering why Superman turned evil, and it would look a lot like this. 

Yeah, yeah, the Lookout’s destroyed.   I already covered that.    Why do some of the pieces float in mid-air, while others lie on the surface of the big piece that’s left?    How does anything in this world work?   Let’s move on.

Buu does this thing where he bends over backwards and grabs his ankles to make a ball, and then he starts crashing into the Lookout multiple times.  He’s supposed to be trying to hit Gotenks, but I think he’s more interested in breaking he Lookout down to pebbles. 

But that sets him up for Gotenks’ next move, which is...

OH COME ON, PICCOLO.   Do you really have to touch your forehead to do Special Beam Cannon?   You know how this works, so shut up and let him do his thing.

So Gotenks does “Continuous Super Donuts”, which is basically the same as the “Cosmic Halo” from a few episodes back, which made a ring around Buu that closed in on him.  Only this time, Gotenks makes multiple rings, which seal Buu up in a ball of ki energy.   But Gotenks knows he could bust out of this, so he plans to follow up with another move....

ULTRA BUU-BUU VOLLEYBALL.   Now, I know what you’re thinking, this is a lot like Tien’s Volleyball fist from the 22nd Tenkaichi Budokai.  We’ll you’re wrong, because...

DAMMIT PICCOLO STOP WHIMPERING ABOUT THE LOOKOUT AND HELP.

GOTENKS IS GOING TO PASS IT TO YOU, BECAUSE IT’S A TEAM ATTACK.   THERE’S NO “I” IN TEAM PICCOLO.   YES, THERE’S A “ME”, WE ALL HEARD THE TAYLOR SWIFT SONG, BUT THIS IS NO TIME TO BE TALKING ABOUT THAT.

LOOK, GOTENKS CAN ONLY STAY IN THIS FORM FOR A FEW MINUTES, AND IF BUU GETS OUT HE’LL KILL US ALL, PICCOLO.   WOULD YOU STOP THINKING ABOUT TAYLOR SWIFT FOR LIKE TWO SECONDS AND SAY YOUR LINE?

YES FINALLY THAT TOOK FOREVER WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE?

All right, so Piccolo sets the ball, and Gotenks spikes it down in to the earth, where it explodes and makes a huge hole.   That might have killed Buu, except Piccolo screwed up the timing so it was only 99.2% effective.

Piccolo yells at Gotenks to quit screwing around.  Yeah, you’re one to talk.

So Gotenks knows Buu survived that, and he taunts for him to come out and continue fighting.  He even says that he can’t stay in this form much longer, and it’ll take him an hour to re-fuse and do this again.  Why would you tell him that?

But Buu doesn’t show himself, and Gotenks wonders if that last attack really did finish him off.

I blame Piccolo for this.

[journaloftomfooleryandjapery]

All the TOP 10 OF THE DECADE posts made me want to make one of my own, so here’s my 10 fave games this decade:

Yakuza 0  Shovel Knight  Nier Automata  Metal Gear Rising  Gunvolt Chronicles Luminous Avenger IX Final Fantasy XV   Scott pilgrim vs the world the game Undertale Persona 5  Doom

Danganronpa 2, New Vegas, Touhou Luna Nights, Katana Zero and Mario Odyssey all only barely missed out, and it was a tough decision not to include them. I loved the shit out of those games but thinking it through I decided they were just slightly less loved by me than the above.

Below the cut are some extended thoughts (of varying length) on the games included:

Just CTRL F if you wanna find a specific one

Yakuza 0

Every Yakuza game is delightful and this is definitely the best one, in my opinion. The Yakuza games appeal to me for a lot of reasons: the combat, the story, the variety of activities, the look of it all and the music. I feel like its a very unique game experience with its blend of weird in-depth side activities, serious crime drama, manly man masculine combat friendship melodrama, metal gear-esque convoluted conspiracies and a surprisingly compassionate view of the world it takes place in. 

The combat is what drew me in initially because it just feels good, the feedback of stomping on a dudes face in yakuza is delivered perfectly, and the attacks are brutal, hard and flashy. Its a very solid and satisfying combat system and in 0 its the best it has ever been. The ability to switch between 3 different and equally fun fighting styles on the fly really lets you mix things up and adapt your approach, every style feels fun and useful. If i had to pick a favorite it would be slugger, but its a tough choice, and they are all very viable and FUN.

Yakuza 0 also gets big points for having the best story in the series. The protagonists feel much more interesting in this era, the fights feel more earned in this game than others, the relationships are incredibly touching (I’m almost mad majima didnt stay with makoto) and the substories (and some parts of the main story) are the funniest they’ve ever been. Stuff like the quasi-stealth mission where you have to make sure women don’t see you buying a porn magazine for a child, and the extended scene of kiryu trying to guess the right business manners for a meeting had me laughing so much i was i was almost in physical pain.

The extensive business and host club substories get you tons of extra game content and are good enough to almost be there own game. The other games in the series have extended side activites of varying quality, but i think 0 had a rare case of all of these being, basically, perfect. The team obviously agrees since host club management came back repeatedly, but never as good as it was here.

Being set in the 80s elevates almost everything in the game because of the outfits, money flying out of every enemy you attack, the classic sega games you can play at the arcade (Outrun is so much fun and I’d have never have given it a proper go otherwise) and the disco minigame everyones made a meme out of (that music is so catchy).

As a final note this game has the best boss fights and music in the series, which is a very high standard to surpass when you look at the rest of the series. The dual final boss fights, the recurring boss for kiryu and almost every majima fight are highlights of the entire series for me. 

0 is going to end up being one of the few games I’ll never sell my copy of because i want it available for me to play forever, its a complete delight.

Shovel Knight

This game has been analysed to hell and back, so i wont have much original to say i suppose. Admittedly i did enjoy the first campaign but it didnt completely win me over, plague knights campaign and beyond was what really made this an all time greats for me. It’s one of very few games that gets the NES+SNES platforming appeal 100% right and essentially surpasses most games of the day, with almost perfect pacing, challenge and level design. IT helps that the whole world and story and look is charming as all hell. It’s an easy game to love and the more you play it the more that feels justified. Being PACKED with great content is also a plus. If you liked the first campaign you can just keep going through a set of campaigns about as good that only really rehash some level assets. I would say its one of the best 2D platformers ever for me, if not quite my true number 1.

ALSO JAKE KAUFMAN KNOCKS IT OUT THE PARK WITH THIS SOUNDTRACK

Since i have little else to add to the shovel knight discussion, here’s my ranking/thoughts on each campaign

Plague of shadows. BEST storyline, great levels with a really cool gameplay gimmick, the characters are all cute and the ending really makes me feel for him. both sorry for him at first and then a very real AAAAAAAWWWWWWWWW for LOVE

King of cards. king knight is just fun as hell to play as, he doesnt have that many tools but his movement is just crazy fun and i love the flair in all his animations. also has that rad final boss. joustus is ok i guess.

Shovel of hope. uuuuuuh what can i even say about this. its good, and the melancholy dream bits add a lot to the mood of the story. we’ve already analysed this campaign within an inch of its life i dont think i can say anything new. wish we could fight the battletoads on pc.

Specter of torment. still fun and i appreciate the tone change, but i didnt care as much for the characters and the mega man-esque level select doesnt suit shovel knight imo. specter knight has a lot of fun movement options though. mainly i just love GRINDING and the diagonal slash. i dont give a fuck about reize

Nier Automata

I feel a tiny bit ashamed i have so little to say about this considering it is one of the most emotional experiences i have ever had with a story. If i lsten to the final version of weight of the world i still cry just from remembering this game and how it made me feel. i think its one of the greatest narratives of the century but i can barely get across the appeal to anyone who hasnt already played it. its a story about hope, despair and the nature of the human race that never feels like its preachy or pretensious or taking on more than it can handle. it made me feel all kinds of emotions deeply and intensely, it genuinely made me burst into tears about 10 times, maybe more. even putting aside the ggrand narrative, theres so many cool character moments and bits of world building and visual eements and tragic little side stories that you would need a whole book to talk about them all while doing any real justice to them. i loved it so much that im paying £70 to see an orchestra do the soundtrack live. I want to hug and kiss 2b and 9s better. i just love it deeply and i find it hard to explain why it makes me feel that way, but its a dark beautiful and hopeful story where every moment feels earned. the despair of the story giving way to genuine hope with the rest of the world helping you fight for it is such an intensely emotional moment that you could never replicate outside of this kind of story and medium. how the fuck do i explain that to anyone that doesnt already get it. I’m glad this game exists

Metal Gear Rising 

Well, complete tone shift here. Platinum made a lot of great action games in the last decade that all dig into that same itch for DODGE SLOW MOTION BANG BANG BANG alongside great soundtracks, visuals and awesome set piece moments. Just intense, flashy, awesome combat. Picking a favorite of the decade was the hard part, because a platinum game had to be one of my faves of the decade. The closest was transformers, but mgr has a couple of things about it that put it above the rest of the platinum catalog for me.

The story actually works very well at still being metal gear while in the platinum formula, its about the cycle of violence and FINDING YOUR OWN PURPOSE and it works weirdly well. The strangest part is that it feels like a legitimate sequel to metal gear 4 tonally while still being the crazy action game it is

Raiden is just super fun to play as, while I’ll always miss the DODGE SLOWMO in a platinum game parry and zandatsu give a great flow to fights and there’s real exhilaration to parrying a hard chain of attacks and tearing out a bunch of enemies spines at once every time

raiden is also just  a fun protag, it truly allows me to embrace that kind of stereotypical edgy cool anime swordsman he embodies

BEST PLATINUM SOUNDTRACK DO NOT @ ME

Bosses just rule

one of the best final bosses ever, in my opinion? maybe that’s controversial, but armstrong gets an insane amount of characterization and pure PRESENCE out of such a small amount of screen time and the fact he feels like such a perfect rival to raiden so quickly is kind of nuts to me. within about half an hour you are ready for the ultimate final showdown with everything at stake, and then the gameplay 100% delivers on that with a fight that is challenging as hell and just feels climatic and intimidating. its a little thing, but having this dude just smack you around with his hands and almost no fighting skill after a game filled with crazy flippy cyborg ninjas makes him feel TOUGH and the way you finish him off? it just rocks, plain and simple. I don’t think i need to justify slices a massive dudes chest open and ripping out his giant still beating robot heart as the music climaxes and our cool edgy protag literally says WE’RE DONE HERE. truly, it has to be this way.

Gunvolt Chronicles Luminous Avenger IX 

For fast twitchy 2d platformers this barely beat out Katana Zero and Touhou Luna Nights, but i think its just a little better. The skill ceiling on this game is high as hell and once you really get to grips with it, its an experience you cant find anywhere else. its just satisfying as hell to be able to get through the point where you can ZOOM  through these levels by making use of copen’s dash and lock-on and weapons well enough. once you get good enough to get through a hole level without touching the ground, you just cant go back. I liked this enough to get an S rank on almost every level. this game just rules, man.

story, art and music are all great as well. but they pale in importance next to zippy jetpack zoom zoom fun time.

also great for having a cool twist that i genuinely did not see coming at all

Final Fantasy XV   

For context, my experience of FFXV was not the base game so i cannot personally address the concerns of the version at launch, which i hear from others was a total mess! The game has been updated and changed so much that it is probably almost unrecognizable aside from the absolute base aspects of it. The version i am talking about is, as far as we know, the “final” version released right before Episode Ardyn. There was of course an update after this, but it only added DLC compatibility and a few items, so it means very little in the grand scheme. I also played all of the dlc and watched all the periphery material to get the full, messy disjointed experience. it is also worth noting that the only other FF game i have played is the classic title Mario Hoops 3 on 3 Basketball. I feel it important to tell you this before getting into things so that you can have a full idea of the perspective i come at the game from.

This was chosen over Mario Odyssey and someone will probably kill me for that. I just think its a great emotional story that does a fantastic job of making you care for all the characters, and the world feels massive and full of cool stuff to see. It’s my favorite open world game and i love The Boys.  its not the kind of thing i usually play but i think it genuinely had a great story and its a very fun game to just explore and spend time in. ffxv truly understands the emotional bond between The Lads and it is fun to kill big monsters with your party

(they kinda ruin the last cutscene in english, in japanese he says I LOVE YOU GUYS and it makes me cry but in english he goes U GUYS ARE THE BEST which just isnt the same. a small nitpick though. a lot of this game made me cry regardless, its just great at creating an emotional bond)

I admire the insane level of ambition in the visuals and scope, and i bought every dlc for it because it was just that good. the ifrit boss fight and all the giant monsters are just amazingly epic in scale. the “found a cool rock” post is what i truly admire about this game summed up. 

all the ancillary material for the game is great and worth getting into, with the exception of the Comrades multiplayer expansion. Everything else adds depth to the story and the world without being entirely necessary for you to get through the story. the anime and the dlc all really feel worth getting into without being something you have to see to get The Full Experience

the giant monsters are cool

Scott Pilgrim vs the World: The Game

Being from 2010 this game only just makes it in, but it was my favorite beat em up this decade and a source of great nostalgia for me. It had a pretty big impact on music and art tastes in regards to games, and in retrospect this games existence was very much a dream team scenario. Paul Robertson is a great sprite artist who does a lot of good work, Anamanaguchi have gone on to become one of my favorite bands (another winter is still one of their best tracks imo) and at the time this came out i was obsessed with scott pilgrim. That plus the beat em up gameplay makes this kind of a perfect blending of a lot of my specific tastes. Playing this brings me back to the time in my school life that i played it very distinctly, a more comfortable time in my life for sure, and i think the game still stands up excellently. I hope that someday it will get a rerelease so others can enjoy it. I give this another play through every year or so, but i wish id gotten the dlc while it was still available

Doom

ITS VIOLENT ITS FAST ITS FUN ITS METAL

i like this game because of the intense adrenaline rush and violent catharsis it gives me, essentially a constant dopamine rush

fun game good

Undertale

I’m glad i got to this before the massive wave of spoilers and popularity came about. It’s a great story with some fun gameplay, and i think SANS UNDERTALE was one of the best boss fights this decade. Its a shame that for so many new players this experience is going to be ruined by spoilers

Persona 5 

Danganronpa 2 and fallout new vegas were close contenders for this last spot. I actually made a post about my thoughts on this game before https://journaloftomfooleryandjapery.tumblr.com/post/184341270554/nue-is-great-love-his-goofy-design-when-life-will but essentially 

Essentially, its got a great cast of characters, a cool slick look, great monster designs, a fun gameplay loop of collecting monsters and grinding stats while waiting for the next big event, and a surprisingly good story

No idea if royal is any good, but its on a pretty small list of games that i might actually take the time to replay

[this-year-ive-read]

Books I’ve Read in 2019 (A List in Progress)

The Devil and Sherlock Holmes - David Grann (***)

“The course of human events is not permanently altered by the great deeds of history, nor by the great men but by the small daily doings of the little men.”

Killers of the Flower Moon - The Osage Murders and the Birth of the FBI - David Grann (**)

“History is a merciless judge. It lays bare our tragic blunders and foolish missteps and exposes our most intimate secrets, wielding the power of hindsight like an arrogant detective who seems to know the end of the mystery from the outset.”

The Things They Carried - Tim O’Brien (****)

“They carried the sky. The whole atmosphere, they carried it, the humidity, the monsoons, the stink of fungus and decay, all of it, they carried gravity.”

“I survived, but it's not a happy ending.”

“But this too is true: stories can save us.”

Every Word You Cannot Say - Lain S Thomas (***)

“There are days when everyone needs you to be strong, even if you're dying inside, and you can only cry when no one's looking because you're petrified of letting them down.”

“I don’t know if I’m ever, really, ‘Here’”

Everything I Never Told You - Celeste NG (***)

“Before that she hadn’t realized how fragile happiness was, how if you were careless, you could knock it over and shatter it.”

“You never got what you wanted; you just learned to get by without it.”

Night - Elie Wiesel (****)

“To forget the dead would be akin to killing them a second time.

“Those who kept silent yesterday will remain silent tomorrow”

The Alice Network - Kate Quinn (**)

“Poetry is like passion--it should not be merely pretty; it should overwhelm and bruise.”

“What did it matter if something scared you, when it simply had to be done”

Love her wild - Atticus (***)

“We are made of all those who have built and broken us”

“A sky

full

of stars

and he

was staring

at her.”

When we Left Cuba - Chanel Cleeton (****)

“For the dreams that slip through our fingers.

May we hold them in our arms one day.”

“You can love someone and still not lose your reason.”

“Not all of us have the luxury of setting the world on fire, simply because we’re angry.”

Crush - Richard Siken (***)

“A man takes his sadness down to the river and throws it in the river

           but then he’s still leftwith the river. A man takes his sadness and throws it away

           but then he’s still left with his hands.”

“You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won’t tell you that he loves you, but he loves you.”

“They want you to love the whole damn world but you won’t, you want it all narrowed down to one fleshy man in a bath who knows what to do with his body, with his hands.”

War of the Foxes - Richard Siken (**)

“Someone has to leave first. This is a very old story. There is no other version of this story.”

“I want to give you more but not everything. You don’t need everything.”

Murder on the Orient Express - Agatha Christie (**)

“The impossible could not have happened, therefore the impossible must be possible in spite of appearances.”

Fool Me Once - Harlan Coben (***)

“All love stories,” Maya’s father had told her many years ago, “end in tragedy.”

“There are moments in life when everything changes.”

Pirate Hunters - Robert Kurson (*****)

“They made a sound I’d never heard before but somehow had known my whole life, a waterfall of muted chimes, dense and deep and old”

“When John asked his grandfather about being heroic, Arison told him that he had not done anything special, just what he thought was right”

“The world came alive when a person got a chance to be good”

“Do it now. Tomorrow is promised to no one”

“And promised himself that no matter what, he wouldn’t put off until tomorrow what his heart told him to go for today.”

“He just looked out at the world knowing it was finally too late for his father to have an adventure, and nothing seemed in color anymore.”

The Lost City of the Monkey God - Douglas Preston (***)

“But then the teules [foreigners] arrived and everything fell apart. They brought fear, and they came to wither the flowers.”

Crashing Through - Robert Kurson (****)

“It wasn't who a person believed himself to be or what he pretended he would do in a given situation. It was what he did when he got there that defined him.”

“May opened his eyes. Electric dots of silver-white, as many as the sound of a rainstorm, ran to every space in the world, and when he tried to see where they led there was no world anymore, they led everywhere, across a blanket of night that had no edges, and for a moment May didn’t know where he was among these stars, if he was under them or around them or beyond them, they were everywhere and he was everywhere, he was where he wanted to be.”

Shadow Divers - Robert Kurson (*****)

“This is where the hangers on, and wannabes, and also rans, and once greats keep believing in the sea.”

“I love you and you’re not here for me.”

Ross Poldark - Winston Graham (***)

“The greatest thing is to have someone who loves you and—and to love in return”

“Autumn lingered on as if fond of its own perfection.”

Demelza - Winston Graham (***)

“Strange sometimes how easy bitter words came, how hard the kind ones.”

“Let me stay a little longer in the sun.”

Love Looks Pretty on You - Lang Leav (****)

“You turn him into poetry because you can’t have him any other way.”

“I have been quiet lately, I know. Not because I don’t have anything to say but because I have too much.”

“I struggle with things that are as easy to others as breathing.”

“Here is the story of my life. Hoping they would care about me or wishing they wouldn’t care so much.”

“When love swept in like the ocean

And left me in drops, like rain.”

Jeremy Poldark - Winston Graham (***)

“Resentment and bitterness and old grudges were dead things, which rotted the hands that grasped them.”

“It isn’t where you’re born in this world, it’s what you do.”

Edgar: an Autobiography - Edgar Martinez (***)

“I concentrate on the moment and Don’t let the past or the future overwhelm me.”

“Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the greatest mariner of all time.”

Warleggan - Winston Graham (***)

“Their lives had been the tragedy of one woman who could not make up her mind.”

“It was not the cold of the night that she felt but an inner cold that no coat would cure.”

“Remember this she thought. In times of jealousy and neglect, remember this. He said: “so you are not to be rid of me, my love.” “So I am not to be rid of you, my love.””

The Black Moon - Winston Graham (**)

“Blemishes on the beauty of a person one loves are like grace notes adding something to a piece of music.”

“We can’t alter the world, we can only adapt ourselves to it.”

The Lost Girls of Paris - Pam Jenoff (*)

“It is simply not enough to be as good as the men. They don’t believe we can do this and so we have to be better.”

Emma - Jane Austen (***)

“If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more.”

“I may have lost my heart, but not my self control.”

Wuthering Heights - Emily Brontë (****)

“Because he’s more myself than I am.  Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.”

“I have not broken your heart—you have broken it; and in breaking it, you have broken mine.”

“The entire world is a dreadful collection of memoranda that she did exist, and that I have lost her!”

The Tenant of Wildfell Hall - Anne Brontë (****)

“beauty is that quality which, next to money, is generally the most attractive to the worst kinds of men;”

“But smiles and tears are so alike with me, they are neither of them confined to any particular feelings: I often cry when I am happy, and smile when I am sad.”

“If she gives you her heart,’ said I, ‘you must take it, thankfully, and use it well, and not pull it in pieces, and laugh in her face, because she cannot snatch it away.”

“This rose is not so fragrant as a summer flower, but it has stood through hardships none of them could bear: the cold rain of winter has sufficed to nourish it, and its faint sun to warm it; the bleak winds have not blanched it, or broken its stem, and the keen frost has not blighted it.  Look, Gilbert, it is still fresh and blooming as a flower can be, with the cold snow even now on its petals.—Will you have it?”

Jane Eyre - Charlotte Brontë (*****) {Reread}

“You think I have no feelings, and that I can do without one bit of love or kindness; but I cannot live so”

“He made me love him without looking at me.”

“I sometimes have a queer feeling with regard to you—especially when you are near me, as now: it is as if I had a string somewhere under my left ribs, tightly and inextricably knotted to a similar string situated in the corresponding quarter of your little frame.  And if that boisterous Channel, and two hundred miles or so of land come broad between us, I am afraid that cord of communion will be snapt; and then I’ve a nervous notion I should take to bleeding inwardly.”

“I am no bird; and no net ensnares me; I am a free human being with an independent will”

“Do you think, because I am poor, obscure, plain, and little, I am soulless and heartless?  You think wrong!—I have as much soul as you,—and full as much heart!  And if God had gifted me with some beauty and much wealth, I should have made it as hard for you to leave me, as it is now for me to leave you.”

[screamscenepodcast]

HAPPY HALLOWE’EN 2019: THE TOP TEN

It’s that time again! All Hallow’s Eve! And that means you’re looking for only the best classic horror movies to make your blood run cold and entertain the ghosts moaning their way through your home! So, once more, we bring you the definitive list of the top ten best horror movies, for the period of 1895-1945. Here you’ll learn which films make the top ten, what their deal is, and where to find them online. A new entry to the top ten just snuck on in yesterday’s episode! We hope you find this list helpful with your evening’s entertainment. Safe scares, Creatures of the Night!

#10. Isle of the Dead (1945)

The first of three films in the top ten produced by the legendary Val Lewton, Isle of the Dead stars Boris Karloff as a Greek general trapped on an island with a group of people who carry the plague. As death closes in, the question must be asked - are the deaths caused by disease, or is there a supernatural force at work? Excellent sound design and shadow drenched cinematography define this film that starts slow and builds the tension to a screaming crescendo! Isle of the Dead can currently be streamed in HD on The Criterion Channel, and is available for purchase in SD at $9.99 on Apple Movies and for $14.99 on Google Play and YouTube. 1h 11min.

#9. The Picture of Dorian Gray (1945)

This Oscar Wilde adaptation features a top notch cast, including a 20 year old Angela Lansbury, a wickedly intelligent script, and an absolutely chilling depiction of a man without a soul. Beautiful high-contrast lighting is paired with a startling gimmick of four Technicolor shots in an otherwise black & white film. Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer finally achieved their goal of making a horror movie with class. Available to rent in HD for $4.99 on Google Play, the Microsoft Store, and YouTube. 1h 50min.

#8. The Invisible Man (1933)

Mark Hamill said it himself - his much acclaimed interpretation of the Joker comes from Claude Rains’ performance as the tragically insane Griffin in this adaptation of the HG Wells novel. The movie shows off James Whale’s great skill at mixing humour and horror, even if some of the British-isms get a bit broad at times, but the true power of The Invisible Man is how it’s gotten more relevant with time - in 2019, the idea that anonymity might lead to immorality is no longer a hypothetical notion. Find it for rent in HD at $4.99 on Apple Movies, Google Play, PlayStation, the Microsoft Store, and YouTube. 1h 11min.

#7. The Black Cat (1934)

What do you even say about a movie like Edgar G. Ulmer’s The Black Cat? A metaphor for Austrian/Hungarian relations after World War I, a dip into the world of Satanic cults, a revenge story with elements as unsavoury as Oldboy, and a chance to see Karloff and Lugosi really go at it as adversaries on roughly equal footing at a time when both men’s careers were on about the same level. This movie will draw you in with its gorgeous cinematography, hypnotic editing, and modernist set design to such an extent that by the time it’s over, you’ll hardly notice that the story didn’t seem to entirely make sense… This underappreciated classic is waiting for you to rent in HD on Google Play and YouTube for $4.99. 1h 5min.

#6. Island of Lost Souls (1932)

Watching this movie is like willingly stepping into a nightmare. The HG Wells’ novel might have somehow wanted to portray Dr Moreau “sympathetically” (Victorians, amirite?) but this adaptation understands he’s an utter monster and Charles Laughton delivers a bravura performance that underscores the character’s pure insanity. Combine this with the film’s dark and gritty look, the subtle make-up design of the hybrids (including a heavily obscured Bela Lugosi), and the unforgettable chant of The Law, and you have a film that will burn itself into your memory. Unfortunately, Island of Lost Souls has no current streaming options available, but you can find it on Blu-Ray from the Criterion Collection. 1h 11min.

#5. Körkarlen (1921)

The Phantom Carriage is perhaps the… least “fun” entry here in the top ten. Victor Sjöström’s haunting exploration of the horrors of alcoholism, domestic abuse, poverty, and tuberculosis is a critique of Christian naivete while simultaneously an encouragement of spiritual moral values. It has the tone and pace of a dirge, as it seeks to imprint its message on your very soul. All wrapped up in a chilling story of New Year’s Eve and the spectre of Death! The Phantom Carriage is available to stream in HD on The Criterion Channel. 1h 47min.

#4. I Walked With a Zombie (1943)

The second Val Lewton produced film on the list, I Walked With a Zombie is perhaps best described as Jane Eyre in the Caribbean, but what is surprising is that the film is also a well researched depiction of Voodoo practices for 1943. The haunting imagery, sparse sound design, and dreamlike poeticism of this film might make it among the most unique zombie movies you’ve ever seen, made in a time with zombies were supernatural undead slaves, instead of reanimated undead cannibals. Do yourself a favour and check it out - it’s streaming in HD on The Criterion Channel, and can be purchased in SD for $9.99 on Apple Movies, and for $14.99 on Google Play. 1h 9min.

#3. The Old Dark House (1932)

James Whale’s definitive take on the traditional mystery thriller formula is a movie that will have you laughing right until the moment it has you screaming. In some ways, it’s a movie of clichés, with the protagonists seeking shelter in an old mansion during a rainstorm in the night and having to deal with the reclusive family they find within. But the dark, brooding cinematography, and truly shocking twists that rivet up the intensity over the running time, all contribute to make this a harrowing watch. It’s one part Rocky Horror Picture Show, one part The Addams Family, and one part The Texas Chain Saw Massacre. I’m not kidding. The Old Dark House is currently streaming in HD on The Criterion Channel and in SD Shudder. 1h 12min.

#2. Cat People (1942)

Cat People is brilliant. The first of Val Lewton’s horror movies for RKO, it best exemplifies his shadow drenched, suggestive, adult, contemporary, and ambiguous brand of horror. Irena is convinced that if she experiences sexual excitement, she will turn into a black panther and kill the man she loves. Her husband is convinced it’s all in her head. What is the truth? Cat People gives the viewer plenty to chew on while being the first horror movie to understand that less is more, that the monster is scarier if you can’t see it, and also how to pull off a jump scare. You can find this absolute classic to stream in HD on The Criterion Channel, and to purchase for $14.99 on Google Play and YouTube. 1h 10min.

#1. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1931)

THREE! YEARS! IN A ROW! Early on in the first Hollywood horror craze, Paramount Pictures managed to outdo their main competitor Universal with this masterpiece from director Rouben Mamoulian. With a use of sound, visuals, effects, script, and performance far beyond what most films were doing at the time, this adaptation reigns supreme among other versions of the same story. Fredric March utterly inhabits the dual title role, but it’s Miriam Hopkins’ performance that will stick with you in this superb examination of domestic abuse, alcoholism, and the beast that dwells within us. Currently for rent in SD on Google Play, PlayStation, the Microsoft Store, and YouTube for $4.99. 1h 38min.

Well there you have it, Creatures of the Night! Will Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde ever be knocked from it’s perch at the top? Keep tuning in to Scream Scene each week on Wednesday to find out! Until then, Happy Hallowe’en!

[jedimaesteryoda]

Batman: Mask of the Phantasm

I am going to talk about my favorite Batman film of all time, and some have even argued it to be the best Batman film out there. This Batman movie showed what many DC fans agree to be the best Joker and one of the best Batman performances. It has an excellent story that draws the viewer in, and a great film score courtesy of Shirley Walker. No, I am not talking about Nolan’s The Dark Knight, or even Tim Burton’s Batman, as great as those films were. I am talking about Batman: Mask of the Phantasm. It’s a direct-to-video film based on Batman: the Animated Series, the first show of the DC Animated Universe that to this day is acclaimed by critics and fans alike. It came out the same year as Schumacher’s Batman Forever, yet didn’t get as much attention due to not just being overshadowed by the live-action film, but lack of advertising on the part of Warner Bros. Of course, a number of critics agree that between the two films, Batman: Mask of the Phantasm was arguably the superior film. Bat nipples aside, what made the Mask of the Phantasm superior to Forever in some ways was the story, the love interest and of course, the way Batman was portrayed.  

WARNING SPOILERS AHEAD: 

If you haven’t seen it yet, I advise you see it first before you read this essay. If you choose to read ahead anyway, and don’t plan on seeing the film then that’s a shame. Seriously, just watch the film, and I guarantee you won’t be disappointed. 

Plot

A shadowy figure appears going around murdering mob: the Phantasm. Batman is mistaken as the culprit, and is trying to figure out who this mysterious figure is, and the connection to the murders. The Phantasm isn’t the only arrival, so is Andrea Beaumont, an old flame from Bruce’s past. We get to see glimpses of their relationship in flashbacks, and learn that Bruce once had a chance at a normal life. And of course, it wouldn’t be a classic Batman film without the Joker, who is also drawn into the story in a way that works.

One thing you will notice about the plot that separates it from most Batman films and every live-action film is that it is a detective story. We never get to see him solve a mystery on-screen, or rather solve a mystery the audience doesn’t already know the answer to. We so often associate Batman with his sobriquet “The Dark Knight” to the point that it is in the title of two Batman films, and often forget his other sobriquet, “the World’s Greatest Detective,” even though his character was first introduced in the DC series, Detective Comics. 

Batman’s story is also straight out of noir: organized crime, corrupt politicians who deal with them and the protagonist being a single man, usually a detective, who is psychologically wounded and might appear morally ambiguous or compromised, but generally adheres to his own personal code of ethics.

Setting and Tone

The setting comes straight out of the original comics with the style being late 1940s from the cars and clothes to the Tommy guns. In contrast to a lot of Batman films, you see actual blood from the wounds as well as teeth getting knocked out, which helps to convey a better feeling of the violence. The animation used is what the producers called “Dark Deco,” Art Deco combined with noir imagery. It helps to give the film a dark atmosphere not seen in a few of the live-action films (Nolan’s), and while I’m not saying dark = better, as Snyder proved that with his Superman films, it works perfectly with a dark character like Batman. There is a tragic, melancholy tone to the whole film with the exception of the flashbacks. The dark overtone of the present scenes contrast nicely with the much brighter and more colorful past scenes of a young Bruce and Andrea’s blossoming relationship, giving the past scenes a nostalgic feel and reflecting a happier time in Bruce Wayne’s life. It only helps to emphasize the tragedy of the couple’s story.

Characters and Acting

Bruce Wayne/Batman

Kevin Conroy, himself a Shakespearean actor, does an excellent job as the voice of Bruce Wayne/Batman. He manages to convey different sides of the character from the dark, tough Batman to the friendly Bruce Wayne seen at social events and the more vulnerable, younger Bruce Wayne in the flashbacks. I remember seeing him live at New York Comic Con 2018 for a panel promoting the Blu-ray The New Batman Adventures; he said regarding the character: “Batman is his true identity, and Bruce Wayne is the performance.” Batman’s serious, commanding voice is present when he is wearing the mask or unmasked with Alfred, his most trusted confidant, but changes when he’s in public as Bruce Wayne with a more warm, friendly tone. This is opposed to Christian Bale’s Batman who used his Batman voice only when in the suit, and otherwise, used his Bruce Wayne voice, even with Alfred present.

We get the Batman we expect with his first scene being knocking a mob meeting, and beating up the mobsters. Likewise, we first see Bruce Wayne (excluding when he’s in the Batcave with his costume off) hosting a black tie party at Wayne Manor surrounded by a group of female admirers as well as a young, pre-Batman Bruce Wayne in the flashbacks. William Faulkner in his Nobel Prize speech said that there is nothing worth writing about more than the heart in conflict with itself, and we see this with Bruce Wayne’s dilemma between becoming Batman and wanting a normal life. This helps to give a kind of complexity to the character, and shows the personal sacrifices that came with being Batman.

Andrea Beaumont

Dana Delany is good as Andrea Beaumont. Andrea is Bruce’s ex-girlfriend, and practically the only person he ever had a chance of a future with. She managed to pull Bruce out of his dark solitude, and provide him a kind of happiness that likely had been missing in his life since his parents died. She also is a femme fatale straight out of a hardboiled detective fiction novel: intelligent, beautiful and harboring dark secrets. However, to the filmmakers’ credit, Andrea wasn’t a one note character, as in just a manic pixie dream girl who teaches a broodingly soulful young man to embrace life, a femme fatale out to fulfill her personal ambitions, or even a passive damsel in distress who always needs saving by her hero, but a layered character with agency.  

Joker

Mark Hamill is legendary for being the voice of the Joker, and he is consistently rated by fans as the best Joker. They borrow from Jack Nicholson’s Joker, and Hamill’s experience in the play Amadeus was incorporated into the Joker’s laugh, which he made into a song. This adaptation of the Joker fits the sobriquet of “the Clown Prince of Crime,” with a flower on his suit that squirts acid, and a laugh combined with his unsettling smile that manages to be chilling. On the surface, he has the friendly, funny demeanor one would expect from a clown, but you also get the sense that beneath that lies the heart of a nihilistic, murderous psychopath. He manages to be both funny and terrifying, the ultimate scary clown.  

Alfred Pennyworth

Clive Revill does a decent job as the usually dry, proper Alfred Pennyworth. Alfred is the stoic British butler with a stiff upper lip, not without his own dry sense of humor (“What rot, sir! Why, you're the very model of sanity. Oh, by the way, I pressed your tights and put away your exploding gas balls”) except for two moments in this film. The first moment is when he sees Bruce don the cowl for the first time, and one sees the horror on Alfred’s face. The second is at the end when to comfort Bruce, Alfred drops the whole butler schtick for a moment calling him not his usual “Master Wayne” but “Bruce” to connect with him on a more personal level, and speak to the boy he knew. Giving him emotional support during his time of sorrow in that scene demonstrates how much Alfred is a father figure to Bruce. 

Arthur Reeves

I know this is just a minor character, but Hart Bochner also does an excellent job as City Councilman Arthur Reeves. Just by listening to his voice, you can feel this guy practically oozing a sleazy politician. Reeves calls for a special police force to capture Batman after the murders, and you can tell how much of an opportunistic, vain man he is. He also plays a quiet, minor role in Andrea’s story. 

The Promise vs Falling in Love: The Tragedy of Batman

Through flashbacks, we follow a young Bruce Wayne becoming Batman alongside pursuing a relationship with Andrea. You see his future hinted in the background whenever he is with her, with wishes of optimism and hope waiting to be crushed by an inevitable dark fate. Bruce meets Andrea at the cemetery as he was visiting his parents’ grave while Andrea was visiting her mother’s grave, and yes, that’s the most Batman way of a first meeting. We see his first attempt at crimefighting when he stops a robbery, and he wears just all black with a ski mask. He stops the robbery, but he mentions afterwards that the issue was the thieves didn’t fear him when they saw him. Andrea arrives just right after he mentions that. They have some playfighting, and surprisingly, he laughs, and they share their first kiss. He also sees the precursor for the Batmobile on their date, and bats appear from what would become the Batcave right after he proposes to her.  

It all comes to a head while on their date at a theme park, Bruce tries and fails to stop some bikers from robbing a man. He is later in his manor trying to design a costume for his superhero persona, and talks to Alfred about his internal conflict over his promise to become Batman alongside wanting a future with Andrea. Conflicted and confused, he goes to his parents’ grave.  

Now, what this film does a great job doing is displaying Batman’s dark psyche. Look at all the Batman films, and Bruce Wayne’s decision to become Batman is treated as a reasonable decision with Bruce in Batman Begins saying “People need dramatic examples to shake them out of apathy. I can’t do that as Bruce Wayne. As a man, I’m flesh and blood. I can be ignored, destroyed. But as a symbol . . . as a symbol I can be incorruptible. I can be everlasting . . . Something elemental, something terrifying.” He becomes Batman to become a symbol that could do things he couldn’t do as Bruce Wayne, and motivate the people of Gotham into taking action against the corruption and crime of the city. Compare that to Bruce Wayne’s decision to become Batman in Mask of the Phantasm in this scene.  

Bruce Wayne is at his parents’ grave, begging for a way out of his promise to be a crime fighter, and apologizing for falling in love and wanting happiness. He is losing a reasonable argument to the dead over a promise they never agreed to, and as any person would have told him, would have wanted him to be happy and be with the person he loves. His decision to become Batman isn’t portrayed as a healthy, rational decision at all, but a delusion. It isn’t largely driven by a personal desire to motivate the citizens of Gotham into combatting the problems of the city, but by childhood trauma and an obsession with vengeance for the deaths of his parents. For all of Nolan’s attempts to make his Batman as realistic as possible as opposed to the Mask of the Phantasm of the DCAU going for the more comic book feel, Mask of the Phantasm’s portrayal of the man who chose to don the cowl is, in my opinion, more realistic than anything we’ve seen in any Batman film.  

It makes it all the more tragic as his words “It just doesn’t hurt so bad anymore” show that his relationship with Andrea managed to provide a way for him to finally move on from his parents’ deaths. In their final scene together in their past relationship, we see Bruce finally propose to her, leaving behind his decision to become a vigilante crime fighter, and instead choosing a chance at happiness. Sadly, he gets the ring back the next day with a note telling him that she rescinded his proposal and he should forget about her.  

This is one of my favorite scenes. Batman first donning the mask combined with great musical direction by the late Shirley Walker captures both how epic and how tragic this scene is. It is epic seeing him put on the mask for the first time, and see only Batman’s eyes as he gives the famous Bat-glare, something that hasn’t been able to be replicated on live-action films. However, as scriptwriter for the film Michael Reeves stated: “When Bruce puts on the mask for the first time, and Alfred says 'My God!' he's reacting in horror, because he's watching this man he's helped raise from childhood, this man who has let the desire for vengeance and retribution consume his life, at last embrace the unspeakable." Alfred sees the Bruce Wayne he knew is gone, replaced by Batman. Bruce donning the mask isn’t portrayed as a happy event that the story had built up excitement for, but a tragic one as Bruce, having lost his one chance at happiness, sees becoming Batman as the only thing left for him.  

The Ending (MAJOR SPOILERS):

The Phantasm is unmasked, and revealed to be Andrea. She comes to the theme park to kill the last of Valestra’s old gang, Jack Napier AKA the Joker. Unmasked Andrea and Batman, whom she figured out is Bruce earlier on, are at the theme park where they had their date in a flashback. The park was named “World of the Future,” and it symbolized the bright and hopeful promised future Bruce had with Andrea. Now, it was abandoned, dark and decrepit, occupied only by the Joker, Valestra’s ex-hitman who killed Andrea’s father. It represented not just the state of Bruce and Andrea’s relationship, but the people they had become. Andrea’s story by the end is revealed to be so much similar to Bruce’s. She is motivated by the murder of a parent, lost out on a chance for happiness and with seemingly nothing left, donned a dark visage to carve out a path of vengeance. (These two are perfect for each other.) As opposed to fighting criminals and super-villains to defend Gotham’s citizens, she decides to murder all the mobsters involved in her father’s murder. Her path is more vengeful, and shows what Batman could have become were it nor for his own code. The park is later destroyed by the bombs the Joker placed around it, symbolizing the end of their relationship, as it is the last time Batman sees her (on-screen at least) with her final words being “Goodbye, my love.” Andrea is later on a cruise ship, and when asked if she wants to be alone, replies sadly: “I am.” Batman in the final scene is standing on a skyscraper looking up at the sky with the Bat signal, and just fires a grappling hook as his mission goes on with his life unchanging. These two people who are practically made for each other are destined by fate to never be together, but spend the rest of their lives apart and alone.

As is typical in noir fiction, the story ends in a lose-lose situation for the protagonist. Every other Batman film ends on a happy note, or at least with some optimism with the most pessimistic ending being The Dark Knight with Batman taking the blame for Dent’s murders and Dent’s death himself, and Rachel is dead after deciding to choose Dent over Bruce, but he at least won some victory as he stopped the Joker, and achieved his aim of preventing Dent’s case from being dismissed and the mob being set free. In Mask of the Phantasm, one doesn’t get the feeling that Batman won anything: no criminals were put away, and no overarching goal was achieved with even the unmasking of the Phantasm not feeling like a win. The only thing that could be seen as a victory is Andrea ending her quest for vengeance, but Bruce is still left heartbroken. The real tragedy of Batman is the price he pays to be him, his personal life is unchanging and he is never able to enjoy any peace or anything resembling a healthy, normal life. 

MOTP manages to be everything I think a Batman film should be: dark, action-packed, intelligent, entertaining and surprisingly, emotional. This will always be my top recommendation for a Batman film. 

[sgannaoui-blog]

The Odyssey- 2019 Film Adaptation

"'When your crew have taken you past these Sirens, I cannot give you coherent directions as to which of two courses you are to take; I will lay the two alternatives before you, and you must consider them for yourself. Homer’s great literary work, The Odyssey, is coming to the big screen in 2019. With background information on the film, we are interviewing Sound Designer Sophia Gannaoui. We have a list of songs featured in the film with descriptions of why they were chosen by Gannaoui herself.

*Note: This film is Rated R because of strong references to alcohol and the inclusion of mild curse words.

1. The Light Behind Your Eyes by My Chemical Romance

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSg-eHng52E

Book 1 in The Odyssey holds an introductory discussion about the fate of Odysseus- the king of Ithaca. The instrumental of this song at the beginning represents sadness and mystery which is reflected upon the whereabouts of Odysseus himself. When the song transitions into having lyrics, the lyrics contain a very resigned mood starting off by saying, “So long to all my friends, every one of them met tragic ends.” For Odysseus’ son, Telemachus, he has given up all hope of reuniting with his father by saying “‘My father is dead and gone,’" answered Telemachus, ‘and even if some rumour reaches me I put no more faith in it now. My mother does indeed sometimes send for a soothsayer and question him, but I give his prophecyings no heed.’” Odysseus is the friend of Telemachus and the possible death of Odysseus is the “tragic end” that is mentioned in the song.

2. Pachelbel's Canon in D Major

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NlprozGcs80

Love is in the air in Books 3 and 4 filled with great elegance. Pachelbel’s Canon in D Major is a classic song played at weddings and is enjoyed by many. It already emotes romanticism through its legato playing. The celebration of the marriages of the children of the King and Queen of Sparta was a grand event, “For his only son he had found a bride from Sparta, daughter of Alector. This son, Megapenthes, was born to him of a bondwoman, for heaven vouchsafed Helen no more children after she had borne Hermione, who was fair as golden Venus herself. So the neighbours and kinsmen of Menelaus were feasting and making merry in his house. There was a bard also to sing to them and play his lyre, while two tumblers went about performing in the midst of them when the man struck up with his tune.] “

Weddings bring people together in great unity and the ones in the story were what brought Odysseus closer to the royalty that took him in and discussed the Trojan War altogether.

3. Aaron Burr, Sir from Hamilton the Musical (Karaoke)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cLgo9drgZ6g

This song contains many breaks for dialogue to speak over which is needed for scenes in Book 7 because of the main conversation going on between Ulysses and Alcinous. The original song contained comedic lines of reasoning and logic about drinking and reaching an elite level of political control. When “Ulysses said: ‘Pray, Alcinous, do not take any such notion into your head. I have nothing of the immortal about me, neither in body nor mind, and most resemble those among you who are the most afflicted,’” we had our actors saying this in a teasing way for the idea of immortality to be such an absurdity to Ulysses.

4. Troy Song from Phineas and Ferb

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xIOjFkcWT5g

In Book 8, “the muse inspired Demodocus to sing the feats of heroes, and more especially a matter that was then in the mouths of all men, to wit, the quarrel between Ulysses and Achilles, and the fierce words that they heaped on one another as they sat together at a banquet... Thus sang the bard, but Ulysses drew his purple mantle over his head and covered his face, for he was ashamed to let the Phaeacians see that he was weeping.” The Troy Song tells the story of the Trojan War in an upbeat matter. It is a positive song about defeat and victory which would give a reason for Odysseus to cover his face while crying. If the song was meant to be sad, Odysseus could freely express his sadness and memory of the war through tears but because it is a celebratory song, it gives him the purpose of hiding his true emotions.

5. I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles) by Sleeping at Last

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vU81DihqD0c

When Odysseus reveals who he is in Book 9, he describes his experience in fighting throughout the time of the Trojan War. When telling of the victory his soldiers faced, Odysseus said, “‘Thence we sailed onward with sorrow in our hearts, but glad to have escaped death though we had lost our comrades, nor did we leave till we had thrice invoked each one of the poor fellows who had perished by the hands of the Cicons.’” This represents sadness and struggle after the war and I imagine each soldier to have had the mission and duty to work as hard as walking the “500 miles” somberly sung in the song. The song does represent the hope of reuniting with loved ones saying “when I wake up, yeah I know I’m gonna be, I’m gonna be the man that wakes up next to you.” Soldiers waking up each day in hopes of being a day closer to being at home with their family in comfort, a fantasy that could not be lived by other members of their party.

6. Sail by Awolnation

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2CaypEojjKQ

As the men accompanying Odysseus on the ship believe him to be hoarding gold and silver in Book 10, their distrust corrupted their minds “‘Thus they talked and evil counsels prevailed. They loosed the sack, whereupon the wind flew howling forth and raised a storm that carried us weeping out to sea and away from our own country.’” The “ooh’s” in the song represent the strong howling noise caused by the wind escaping from the sack that was irresponsibly opened. In addition, the fragmented beats of the song represent the quick jumping of conclusions that led Odysseus’ men to open the sack.

7. Coming Home by Diddy featuring Skylar Grey

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-ImCpNqbJw

In Book 12, Circe warns Odysseus, "'When your crew have taken you past these Sirens, I cannot give you coherent directions as to which of two courses you are to take; I will lay the two alternatives before you, and you must consider them for yourself.” This line marks the true life or death matter in the journey back to Ithaca. Circe gives the choices of safety or risk to Odysseus and the beginning of the song’s slow tempo and somber tone represents this sad moment of decision making and risk taking. When the song transitions into rap, this follows the build-up of anticipation and danger in what Odysseus would have to face on his journey back home.

8. Thrift Shop by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis Featuring Wanz

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QK8mJJJvaes

This song represents a complete wardrobe change based on a lower budget on clothing spending in thrift shops. Minerva transformed Odysseus into a man that looked older and dirtier than what he was in Book 13 and “As she spoke Minerva touched him with her wand and covered him with wrinkles, took away all his yellow hair, and withered the flesh over his whole body; she bleared his eyes, which were naturally very fine ones; she changed his clothes and threw an old rag of a wrap about him, and a tunic, tattered, filthy, and begrimed with smoke; she also gave him an undressed deer skin as an outer garment, and furnished him with a staff and a wallet all in holes, with a twisted thong for him to sling it over his shoulder.” The complete transformation of Odysseus’ looks is something new for him to experience and the increasing pace in the song is empowerment and motivation to make this change worth the sacrifice in order to take his kingdom back.

9. Jealous by Nick Jonas

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cQw2qIl838Q

In Book 18, Odysseus gets into a fight with a beggar named Arneaus (also called Irus). Irus challenges Odysseus in fighting for the hand in marriage of Penelope by saying, “I have a good mind to lay both hands about you, and knock your teeth out of your head like so many boar's tusks. Get ready, therefore, and let these people here stand by and look on. You will never be able to fight one who is so much younger than yourself." As the song says, “I turn my cheek, music up, and I’m puffing my chest, I’m getting ready to face you,” Odysseus is indeed getting mentally prepared to fight off Irus to become the suitor of his own wife Penelope. This is the moment where Odysseus goes into his mind for a moment to gain strength and realize his fight from the Trojan War is not over until he is reunited completely with his family.

10. Thousand Years by Christina Perri

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hrM-Bkm4c_I

In Book 19, Odysseus talks with Penelope, still in disguise, about how he will return to her soon. Penelope has waited for so long for him to come home but there would be civil unrest if she waited any longer to find a suitor. She comes up with a solution to the public that would delay time for her marriage in order for Odysseus to come home before then which “Ulysses answered, ‘Madam wife of Ulysses, you need not defer your tournament, for Ulysses will return ere ever they can string the bow, handle it how they will, and send their arrows through the iron.’” Thousand Years reflects the undying love Penelope has for Odysseus as she truly does not want to find a new partner. She has waited for a long time for Odysseus to come home which can hyperbolically be compared to waiting a thousand years.

11. Shut Up and Drive by Rihanna (Karaoke)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fPVo9MnoiEc

In Book 22, Eurymachus encourages Odysseus to fight every man fighting for Penelope by announcing, “‘My friends, this man will give us no quarter. He will stand where he is and shoot us down till he has killed every man among us. Let us then show fight; draw your swords, and hold up the tables to shield you from his arrows. Let us have at him with a rush, to drive him from the pavement and doorway: we can then get through into the town, and raise such an alarm as shall soon stay his shooting.’" The fighting montage that ensues after this proclamation has the karaoke track of Shut Up and Drive playing underneath it because it is as fast paced as the action taking place.

12. i love you by Billie Eilish

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UXfh63M5yLo

In Book 23, Penelope struggles with believing that the man who claims to be Odysseus really is him. Euryclea reasons "‘My dear child," answered Euryclea, "I am not mocking you. It is quite true as I tell you that Ulysses is come home again. He was the stranger whom they all kept on treating so badly in the cloister. Telemachus knew all the time that he was come back, but kept his father's secret that he might have his revenge on all these wicked people.’” The back and forth tempo increase and decrease in the song represent the fluctuating belief of Penelope that Odysseus is with her.

To listen to all of these songs incorporated within the storytelling of Odysseus’ journey home, watch The Odyssey in theaters- coming in the summer of 2019.

[fathercharlesoffdensen]

The head meds kicked in, but I had some time yet before work to knock this out, sry not sry.

Thor: Ragnarok's particular brand of humor does not, in fact, belittle or go out of its way to disrespect the apparently sacred ground of the stodgier parts of the MCU, but rather underscores their emotional importance by showcasing the characters dealing with them years down the road in a notably healthy way, at least compared to how they did so previously in canon. This is my thesis statement.

On principle, I cannot make everyone in Thor fandom see that Loki yearns for his relationship with Thor and even the rest of his family to be harmonious, and that, at least in movie canon (your mileage may vary, comics King Loki, you crazy leotarded bastard), or convince Marvel that it's actually a boon for Tom Hiddleston to infuse Loki's facial expressions with sincere emotional resonance when it comes to reacting to the idea that, in spite of their differences and Odin's terrible fucking parenting, he still loves his adopted brood, as opposed to characterizing him as a vaguely sympathetic Magneto-Joker hybrid and discarding him once he's no longer important to the plot. But uh, both of these things are a Thing.

I also can't expect that there aren't pockets of honkey-heavy (I include myself in this demographic; 'Crocs, mac 'n' cheese, glamping,' see? I am one of you) MCU fanon that aren't racist or least culturally insensitive and/or flat-out stupid, and that that also influences the small hard-on some people have for hating Ragnarok. I can say that if your main argument is bristling that Taika Waititi just doesn't ~~understand~~ Loki the same way Whedon and company do because Spike 2.0 doesn't translate well into the monolithic Maori New Zealandian he's-not-White-and-I-am-uncomfortable-about-that-guys dialect, you probably have some soul-searching to do. If you can’t find it, a gently used one from eBay will probably work just as well.

So anyway, Ragnarok, lemme walk you through it. There are a number of occasions where the film references its predecessors in humorous ways, and it is common for the aforementioned sliver of Thor fandom to be crotchety about it because I guess comedy does not, in fact, equal tragedy plus time. (Hot take: It does.) I posit in spite of all the whining that each reference to Thor 1 and/or 2 and/or the Avengers flicks in Ragnarok serves a specific purpose that, super weirdsies, probably doesn't involve Taika Waititi putting a 'kick me' sign on Tom Hiddleston's back and then turning on a camera. Also, I personally liked 'em, because things are too fucking serious sometimes and it's nice to laugh. But! Here they are, in all of their glory:

1. Loki's summer stock theatre: Loki has gone out of his way to cast appropriate actors whose portrayals of his family and friend(s) are a direct insight into how Loki himself views them all. Sif is overly feminine and useless, because Loki's a bit of a sexist as a defense mechanism for his own masculinity and 'feminine' interests/mannerisms being scorned for like 1,500 years, and is probably also still miffed that that pesky spelling Sif's hair to stay dark after he snuck into her bedroom and cut it off in comics canon MORE THAN ONCE thing did not, in fact, make Thor stop hanging out with her because it made Loki the prettiest maiden by default. Volstagg is Fat. Hogun is pretty accurate, because even Loki knows better than to fuck with Hogun too much. Liam Hemsworth parodying his brother's take on Thor is the most meta fucking thing I've ever seen, with the possible exception that Matt Damon might have his cameo as Loki because he also played Loki in Kevin Smith's Dogma way back when (though I can't substantiate this alas).

Perhaps most telling, Odin makes sweeping overtures in Loki's play about his being the savior of Asgard, the son he wishes he'd appreciated before he made his noble sacrifice, etc. This is a kind and noble portrayal of his adopted father, one which Loki has had time to come around to because he has had time to get to know Odin and the Asgardian citizens in a way he previously couldn't, post-Dark World, and it has matured and humbled him. Even so, his longing facial expressions when Odin matter-of-factly says he loves him and is proud of his magical abilities and reminds him of Frigga are an incredible epilogue to The Tragedy of Loki of Asgard, because finally, art has imitated life in a way that has showcased both Loki's and Odin's maturity. What Loki's play doesn't do is make light of Loki dying/'dying.' The humorous portrayal of everyone is proof that Loki himself has used both humor and theatre as a coping mechanism. This isn't someone who was gleeful to usurp Odin so he could have a run at 'conquering' Asgard. Bereft of prophetic insights from Heimdall or fate or what have you that Thor has at his disposal, and needing to not make too many waves, lest Thanos figures out where he's hiding, Loki spent most of his time as a hands-off 'ruler of the Realms, with the possible exception of small improvements on-planet, like putting railings on the fucking Rainbow Bridge because someone could fall off that thing, Heimdall.

Even Thor's accusation that he mostly sat around "in your bathrobe, eating grapes" is probably 50 percent not fully appreciating Loki's approach to Kingship and the other half goading him because he knew he was going to find Loki pretending to be their dad the second Surtur gloated that Odin wasn't on Asgard anymore. He wasn't really interested in ruling all along, in spite of being brainwashed/tortured into attempting it by Thanos; he said as much as far back as in Thor 2011 ("I never wanted the throne; I only wanted to be your equal"). Again, Loki was never portrayed in the movie 'verse as being a dyed-in-the-wool villain, and by Ragnarok, he's a young man/demigod just trying to figure out his place in everything; which arguably, Thor is doing as well, albeit in the form of taking a gap year or two from college to pal around with his friends on an extended road trip. TL;DR: Loki inadvertently spends a couple of years cooling off and growing up, and the result is a significantly healthier being who can laugh at himself because he's had the opportunity to finally sit down and put things into perspective. This brings me to my next point; this is a transition sentence.

2. Someone fell off that thing, Heimdall: If you aren't already mad giggling when you realize Loki has been in the room with Thor on Sakaar for several minutes and even in the scene, albeit blurry, without either of them noticing, I entreat you to appreciate that a bit. Okay.

Once again, Loki telling the story of his suicide attempt at the end of Thor 2011 as less a tragic, spur of the moment action brought about by his grief and inability to see the rift between himself and his family mending any time soon, and more of a pre-planned risk he took good-naturedly the way a self-referred adrenaline junkie might talk about going cliff diving or some such showcases another common defense mechanism of his: Adaptation. Loki is something of a chameleon even before taking his actual shape-shifting abilities into account. He's also an opportunist: If jumping aboard a new ship mid-battle because the odds of survival appear much greater, he has few moral qualms about doing so, and/or an intense desire to Just Survive that overshadows everything else. (Most of the time, anyway.) In a kinder understanding of his talented, lying silvertongue than Thor and Sif and the Warriors 3 seem to have, as well, Loki has a knack for selling his actions by way of pretending they were what he planned to do all along. This is the pathos behind his retelling of his near-suicide to a group of admiring onlookers. Loki has learned from his time as Odin what it is to take up the mantle of, as Hela sneers, "goblets and garden parties," and it inadvertently primes him to get along really well on Sakaar. Now that he, too, is away at college for the first time, Loki is unburdened by all the embarrassing shit everyone on Asgard knows about, and he uses it to craft an idealized version of himself for the sake of having a good story to tell at a party. This doesn't mean Taika Waititi is making light of Loki's near-death experiences: He absolutely expected to die in the 2011 film, and, I strongly argue, in 2012, this was also the case. After being pumped full of so much of Thanos' magic and power over the years probably was the only thing that kept him from dying from his wounds after taking a giant fucking sword through the chest, Loki woke up, looked around, surprised, and then made the situation work for him.

(I started rambling about how Odin's reluctance to not immediately come home once he broke free of Loki's spell [because he and Frigga had missed a lot of Odin Sex Nights aka Wednesdays and/or Heimdall warned him or something that destiny needed to take its course and that course was just letting Loki deal with all the board room meetings about how much Asgard spends monthly on booze while he ate pudding and lorded over the nursing home TV on Earth and that seemed way easier than having to listen to Loki whine about how much he hates prison all over again] and/or how obvious Loki's body movements are even in his Odin form meant that probably at least 75% of Asgard knew he wasn't fucking Odin the second they saw him also ties into the theme of everyone in the family kind of learning to get over themselves is apparent in even more subtle ways, but uh, this was the main gist of it. Sorry/you're welcome.)

3. "Mblergh, it's me!" I know The Snake Story wasn't movie canon before Ragnarok (though "that time I turned you into a frog" has been portrayed in other versions of Thor and Loki's relationship and it's fucking great in every one of them), but it, too, is evidential of the Brodinsons' mutual ability to allow time to help them reframe painful memories of the past with additional insight and a sense of humor; because again, it's fucking funny. Sorry you hate brown directors and having the replica of Loki's Avengers sceptre your mom bought you at Hot Topic in 2012 crammed up your ass so much that you can't see the forest for the trees, though.

Concluding paragraph: Thor: Ragnarok is up there for me with X-Men: First Class and Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith as being superhero movies with colons in the name and the backing of a ridiculously attractive bromance that have taken over large swaths of my overall fandom experience over the years and I am extremely fond of it on the basis of that alone, but also it's the most in-character and positive portrayal of Loki that we could have gotten from a movie 'verse whose big-wigs are otherwise largely apathetic to him, and people should probably be sending Taika Waititi like fruit baskets or something for it rather than angry missives on Twitter because we don't deserve him, and yet, there is he is anyways. Final thought: I have to believe he would appreciate Tom Hiddleston's emo vampire from Only Lovers Left Alive being brought into his own What We Do in the Shadows canon and Adam hating every God damned second of it and that they would talk about it over another bowl of pasta before talking about their plans for Thor 4, aka why don't we just do a mocumentary of the behind the scenes of Loki's theatrical productions (lots of Norse myths brought to life in increasingly inappropriate ways on stage) and idk you and Hemsworth can kiss or something at the end and Jeff Goldblum can be there doing whatever the fuck he wants, and then they high five.

Work Cited: I reblogged a post earlier today of a 99% legitimately solid argument that Loki didn't fake his demise at the end of either of the first two Thor movies, and a piece of it nonetheless got stuck in my craw. OP is probably good enough people, whereas I am merely a crabby fandom bitch who would look nicer if I wasn't so fat and would smile more. Bow following standing ovation slash a handful of death threats on social media. I gotta get ready for work now. L8r world, smell my ass!