#which apparently they knew about it last week but tells me at the last second being vague about it

[princesscallyie]

It’s seem like I can’t escape the “people don’t want to come to work so now I gotta do their mess” shenanigans…

[osaemu]

GOJO SATORU: ❛❛ ONE MORE CHANCE? (IT WON'T BE THE LAST) ❜❜

.ೃ࿐ you hate your ex, but nobody else can fuck you half as well — so maybe you'll give him one more chance.

contents: fem!reader. implied unprotected sex, dirty talk (?), lil' bit of praise, lil' bit of degradation, oral (fem. receiving), couch sex, gojo covers your mouth at one point, cursing, lil' bit of teasing/mocking (?). sorta toxic but whatevs we love a toxic king! 2000+ words.

author's note: got lazy in the middle of writing this loll

"he's just so fucking annoying," you groan, swirling the drink in your hand. the ice clinks against the side of the glass as you lift the cup to your lips, sipping the whiskey and wincing at the way it burns the back of your throat. you lean back in the plush couch in your friend's living room and sigh. "i don't know why i ever dated him."

your friend nods in agreement, eyes fixed on her phone for another second before she turns it towards you. "look what he posted on his instagram."

on your friend's screen is an instagram story, and the tag shows that it's from your ex-boyfriend — satoru gojo. tired of his insensitivity and annoying nature, you had dumped him two weeks ago, and god, you'd never had such a petty ex in your life.

after you broke up with him, he blocked you from all his socials and got all his friends to do the same. so, since he practically knew everyone, you lost a hundred followers.

and apparently, he's out fucking some other girl right now.

the story on your friend's phone is a picture of a smirking satoru with his arm wrapped around some girl with a red plastic cup in her hand. they're bathed in overhead red lights, and you can barely make out a familiar dark-haired boy in the back — another one of satoru's fuckboy friends.

"he's such a manwhore," your friend says with an eyeroll. "d'you want to stay the night?"

you shake your head, setting down the now-empty glass on a coaster. "it's alright, i wouldn't want to intrude," you say with a rueful smile.

your friend eyes you suspiciously for another second before leaning back in her own seat and closing her eyes. "stay safe, it's pretty late."

you nod and toss your things into your bag before stepping out the door, closing it gently behind you. as you get in your car and drive back to your house, thoughts of satoru fill your head. 

you don't recognize the girl under satoru's arm, but she's pretty — too pretty for him. sure, satoru was conventionally attractive, with his ocean-blue eyes and flawless physique, but still. 

satoru was a shitty boyfriend, and now he's an even shittier ex. when you two dated, his spoiled brattiness and constant sorry, i forgot's drove you insane. he couldn't even remember your birthday. it was a miracle that you tolerated him for that long — until your one-year anniversary, which obviously slipped his mind.

"you're so insensitive," you groan, dragging a hand down your face. satoru suppresses a sigh, blue eyes looking everywhere but at you. "and— satoru, are you even listening to me?"

you're quiet for three seconds before he responds, and naturally, it was with a "huh? yeah, what is it?"

every time. every single time.

"it's over," you mutter, shaking your head frustratedly. "we're over, satoru."

"fine," he responds after a moment. "i never really liked you anyways."

"fuck you."

if you didn't give a fuck about that white-haired bastard anymore, why did the memory of your breakup still sting?

you try to tell yourself that it doesn't matter. maybe it was for the best — he was out with some pretty girl, so why couldn't you go out and sleep with some hot guy? 

you make up your mind right as you step into your house, and thirty minutes later, you're in a tight dress and four-inch heels. and it's almost funny how easy it is to doll up when you don't have a horny boyfriend trying to fuck you every two seconds.

right before you step out the door, you eye yourself in the mirror and can't help but admire the way your dress hugs your waist, accentuating your curves. that smug manwhore didn't know what he was missing out on — so why not show him?

you pull out your phone and take a picture of yourself, snapping a couple before deciding on one and posting it on your story. you knew he'd see it — you intentionally let his burner stay unblocked, and coincidentally, he didn't block you either. 

just as you push open your door, you realize that your phone's on death's door — just over five percent remaining. so you plug it into your charger, kicking your feet impatiently as you wait for it to charge to a reasonable amount.

some part of you wants to chicken out, to stay home and spend the night watching a classic romcom. but the other part of you, the part that can't ignore the fact that you haven't had sex in two weeks, urges you to go out and get laid.

so twenty minutes later, when your phone finally hits forty percent, you practically throw open the door and rush out and find yourself face-to-face with the guy who's somewhere between belly conklin and andy bernard on your most-disliked list. satoru gojo.

"what the fuck are you doing here?" you snap, wrapping your arms around yourself as the cold night air touches your bare skin. satoru eyes you up and down, and suddenly, you're very aware of just how exposed you are. "satoru, answer the damn question."

"where are you going?" he asks, eyes narrowing when they settle on your dress's deep neckline. 

"none of your business," you reply shortly, biting the inside of your cheek. unfortunately, satoru looks good. just like in his instagram story, he has one button undone in his collar, and his hair is rumpled and perfect all at the same time. "answer the fuckin' question."

"saw your story," satoru replies, slipping his hands into his pocket. "you going out on a date or something?"

the question catches you off guard, and your irritated expression drops for a moment. strangely enough, satoru doesn't have his usual smug expression on his face — he looks conflicted. he never looks conflicted.

"doesn't matter," you respond, walking around him and relishing the way your heels clack on the concrete ground. without turning around, you ask, "so, what about my story made you come over?"

you're not sure why you're baiting him. maybe it's the slight chance that he would beg to get you back, maybe it's the tightness in your chest and pussy, or maybe you just want the satisfaction of seeing satoru squirm.

whatever it is, it lets satoru take you by the wrist and drag you back inside. you suppose that if you can get dick at home, then there's no point in going all the way to the club. and it's not like you're gonna get back together over one night — this would be purely physical. he wanted you, and you wouldn't mind him.

"fuck, right there, sweetheart," satoru groans, pushing your legs impossibly farther apart as his tongue laps at your pussy. the two of you barely made it to the couch in your living room before satoru pushed you down, a mischievous smile on his lips. one thing turned to another, and soon enough he was on his knees in front of you and eatung you out like a starving man.

"you're such a loser," you mutter, threading your fingers through his hair as his tongue makes you see stars. he really was — who shows up to their ex's place after getting dumped? a laugh bubbles out of satoru's lips while his mouth is still on your pussy and it makes you shiver. satoru looks up at you, an amused gleam in his eyes.

"s' that so?" satoru mumbles, pressing his lips to your inner thigh with a smirk. "then why'd you let me in, huh?"

"why would i go out when i can just get fucked at home?" you say dryly, a smile growing on your lips. "since you made the effort of coming all the way here."

"my pleasure," satoru scoffs sarcastically, getting up and joining you on the couch as he tugs you into his lap. "so i'm the pathetic loser here, yeah?"

you nod, letting satoru unzip the back of your dress with one hand. he laughs and shakes his head. "you're the one who let me in, baby."

"yeah, well, you showed up."

"you coulda slammed the door in my face."

"maybe i should've," you mutter, not liking the way he's grinning at you. "you gonna fuck me or what?"

"aw, you're desperate. how cute," he replies without missing a beat. it's been a while since you got to banter with satoru like this, and some part of you misses it. sure, he's disgustingly cocky, but at least he has the dick to back it up. and it's fun, too — you like the chase, and clearly, he does too.

"not really," you say with a shrug. that's a lie — the only reason you let him in was to get fucked, and contrary to the excuses falling from your mouth, you were getting impatient. not that he needed to know that.

"fine. have it your way, brat." satoru smiles cheekily and bounces his leg up and down, making you grit your teeth as you struggle to focus.

you make a face at satoru, crossing your arms. "what are you—"

"waiting."

"for what?"

"for you to beg."

your mouth falls open, and you glare at satoru, hating the way he's smugly grinning at you. this isn't the first time he's asked you to beg for him to fuck you — back when the two of you were dating, he had no problem edging you the whole night and practically making you cry for him.

"not this again," you groan, letting out a drawn-out sigh. "just fuck me already, satoru. or i'll go get someone else to."

satoru clicks his tongue, smiling lazily. "we both know you won't do that."

again, he's right, and god, you hate him for it. "just shut up and fuck me."

"alright, since you asked so nicely," satoru drawls, running his tongue over his teeth. he studies you intently, white hair falling into his eyes. before you can ask what he's looking at, he has you pinned against the couch cushions, face down and ass up. 

"good girl, stayin' nice and quiet for me," satoru groans, hand clasped over your mouth as he pounds into you from behind. "you always talked too much. never knew when to shut that damn mouth."

you moan against his hand, unable to think about anything else but satoru and his dick. that's the only reason the two of you stayed together for as long as you did — because the sex was irreplaceable. and after two weeks without getting fucked, you seriously consider throwing all pride out the window and begging for him back.

"shit, you're so fuckin' tight," satoru says with a rough laugh. "have you really not fucked with anyone else since you dumped me?" 

you shake your head, eyes pressed shut as satoru continues sloppily thrusting into you. there's a coil in your chest that's threatening to burst, and the whines slipping out of your lips increase in both pitch and volume.

at this point, you can hardly remember why you broke up with satoru — or maybe, he's just not giving you a chance to remember. his pace is relentless and mind-numbing, and shit, maybe it's for the best.

when he finally lets you cum, it's the best feeling you've had in what feels like forever. the edges of your vision go white, and satoru removes his hand from your mouth, letting out the lewd, muffled sounds that you've been suppressing all this time. not long after, satoru cums too, and it's sloppy, messy, and all over you. 

satoru collapses on top of your back, hot breaths slipping out of his mouth and brushing against your cheek. "took me so good, baby," he groans, pressing his lips to your neck and laughing breathily. "we should do this again sometime."

you shouldn't like this. you should be shoving him out your door, but his mischievous smile is irresistible. and even though you know this time probably won't end any different than the rest, you decide to give satoru one more chance.

"yeah, same time tomorrow?"

"anythin' for you."

[sykostyles]

subject to change 1.1 (final)

w/c: 6.3k summary: in which Harry gets his head out of his ass and goes after y/n. but is he too late? part one

a/n: hi again! thank you all for the love on part one to this story! I can’t even begin to tell you how much it means to me! I hope you all enjoy this part just as much!

cw: PLEASE LOOK HERE BEFORE YOU READ! impact play, breath play if you squint, general rough sex, implied cheating (no actual cheating takes place), breeding kink, creampie, anal play (he puts his thumb in her ass lol), p in v, unprotected sex (wrap it up, besties) general manhandling. If I forgot anything pls let me know!

Harry did care. He cared a lot. But he knew you were angry and he let you go. It was the best option. At least that’s what he told himself. He would just live the rest of his life with this empty feeling in his chest. He’d live with the pain of constantly having to see your name when his customers would buy your books. He’d smile and continue to recommend your books to people looking for something ‘extra spicy’ as they’d put it. They’d always come back in a few days to get another one of your books.

He never did take your titles off of his Owner’s Picks shelf.

Sometimes Harry swore he could hear your giggles at the front of his store when he was helping a customer find something near the back. “Excuse me, just one second,” he’d mutter to the customer before hastily making his way up front to be met with nobody. He thought he was losing it. He knows he heard it. He wishes he’d heard it. He’d make his way back to the customer, breathing out some excuse and getting back to finding the book they were looking for.

You even haunted him in his dreams. He could feel the way your skin dipped and curved as he ran his hands over the sweat slicked skin. Feel the way your warm walls engulfed his length; sinking further and further under your spell. Hear the way you cried his honorific and begged him to let you cum; begged for more, Until the blaring of his alarm would snap him back to reality and he’d be left to take care of what dream you left behind.

It’d been six months of this constant brooding attitude he’d have whenever he thought of you. Harry hadn’t been able to sleep with anybody else. Just finding solace in fucking his fist, and wishing it was you. Oh but he tried though. A few women at the bar, or a pretty customer he thought looked like you. But they weren’t you, were they? He’d gotten drunk off of the way your body felt under his touch, and it’s like he’s been hungover ever since. Often he found himself looking at your social media, scrolling through all the pretty pictures you’d post. Pictures of your apartment, your cat, your family. Pictures with Chase? Who was Chase? Pictures with your friends. He’d take note of all the cities you’d been to since he saw you.

Oh, a new post.

You were apparently going to be about an hour away from him next week.

Interesting.

Every city you traveled to, there were more and more people waiting to meet you. You couldn’t believe it. Flattered doesn’t even begin to describe what you felt. So many stories of how you saved people's relationships after they read your books. Their sex lives with their partners had been so boring but after they’d read your books, they’d found new inspiration to spice things up. Every time someone told you a new story you were dumbfounded. Still finding it so hard to believe that anybody even found your books interesting, let alone liked them enough to take time out of their day to come and meet you and have you sign their book.

You’d tried to move on from Harry. A few casual hook ups, and a short term boyfriend, Chase, that lasted all of two and a half months. Said boyfriend looked at you like you had two heads when you asked him to choke you during sex so you weren’t sure why you thought it would last. 

You would find yourself daydreaming; frothing at the mouth thinking of all the dirty things Harry had done to you. You’d grip the front of your sink in the morning, head hanging near your chest while you thought about Harry’s cock splitting you open; his fingertips colliding with your cheek while he called you his dirty little slut, all while Chase was in the shower, a wave of guilt washing over you for imagining these things while your boyfriend was two feet away from you. Oh, how you wished you could experience those things again. 

You were right though, you’d gotten plenty of fuel for your next book. The follow up to Little Freak was scheduled to be released at the end of the year, just in time for holiday sales. Jenny was thrilled. You thought you would be. But you just felt empty. You always felt worse when you’d snap out of it, staring at yourself in the mirror with annoyance for yourself written all over your face.

“You look sick, babe. You alright?” Chase would ask, stepping out of the shower. “You look a little flushed,” The back of his hand coming in contact with your forehead. He was super sweet after all. 

“Yeah, yeah. I’m good. Just warm in here from the steam,” you’d wave him off, pressing a kiss to his lips and offering him a smile.

Chase broke it off with you last week saying he couldn't give you what you wanted. You knew that, but didn't have the heart to break it to him first. He seemed a little fragile, if you know what I mean. So you pretended to be sad until he left your apartment and then you had a laugh before making a post announcing the next city for your signing tour.

Jenny booked you a hotel, even though the bookstore you were going to be at was only about an hour away. But riding back in the car for an hour sounded pretty awful so you didn’t put up a fight. 

The owner of this store was so excited for your event. She walked up and down the line thanking everyone for showing up, and reminded all of them of the snacks and refreshments she’d set out. She was a doll, continuously asking if you needed anything. Always giving you a smile and a “Just holler at me if you need anything, dear!”

About an hour in, a pair of eyes caught your attention. You’d know those eyes anywhere. He was about four people behind the person you were talking to. Standing there, book in hand with that sweet smile on his face. His eyes bore into yours. Your breath caught in your throat, your face turned pink and your hands immediately felt clammy. The person in front of you snaps you out of your trance and you direct your attention back to them, acting as if nothing happened. 

“This book literally brought life back to my relationship. We had no idea what we were missing out on!” She exclaimed, “My husband sends his thanks as well,” she giggles out.

“I’m so glad you guys enjoyed it. Hopefully you’ll like the next one too. Thank you so much for coming!” You hand the book back to her with a smile. She thanks you and is on her way. The next few people are the same. It never got old though; hearing how your books positively impacted others. Whether they found out they liked something they never heard of, or if it gave them the courage to spice up their love lives. 

Harry studied you as you interacted with your readers. How genuinely happy you looked to be talking to these people. The smile on your face that he’d only seen in his dreams over the last six months. The crinkle you got near your eyes when you laughed. That giggle. He was addicted. He needed to hear it every day. He’d do anything. That’s why he’s standing here right now in front of you with your book in his hand. 

“Hi,” he says softly.

“Hi,” you say back to him. “What are you doing here?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” he hands the book over to you, a shit eating grin on his face.

“Cut the crap, Harry. What are you doing here?” taking the book, you scrawl your signature on the cover page.

“Can we talk?” he looks at you with pleading eyes. You glance up at him, holding the book back out to him. 

“I don’t know, Harry,” looking away, you fumble with the permanent marker between your fingers. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Please, sweets. Just wanna talk,” He smiles down at you. Meeting his eyes again, your gaze hardens. There’s no way he just wants to talk. You’re not totally stupid, but you’ll humor him.

“Fine. Just to talk,” you wave your hand in the air, “Just wait in the seating area.”

He smiles at you again. “Thank you.”

Walking into your hotel room with Harry in tow, you wonder just how stupid you are. What are you doing? Is this smart? Probably not. Do you care? Also probably not.

“What are you actually doing here, Harry,” you ask, sitting on the end of the bed to take your shoes off.

“Would you believe me if I said I just wanted to see you?” his voice was quiet and smooth, nothing like it was in the bookstore earlier. He’s standing there with his hands in his pockets as he watches you.

“Not even a little bit,” you scoffed with a laugh, tossing your shoes to the side before leaning back on your hands.

“Well, it’s the truth.” His gaze remained unwavering. 

You were born at night, but not last night.

“You’re such a liar,” you laugh, “You’re going to stand there and tell me that you drove an hour just to see me?” 

“I missed you.” he breathes out. You just stare at him with widened eyes, and he stares right back. Emerald eyes, rather sunken and tired looking, just keep staring back at you.

“How dare you,” you stand from the edge of the bed, finger pointed into his chest. His eyes widen at your demeanor. “You don’t get to do that. You said this was a one time thing. You told me multiple times that it was a one time thing.” You continue walking towards him, him taking a step back with every forward step you take. “So, what exactly do you want, Harry? You came all the way here just to tell me you missed me? When was it you who put that rule in place?” His back hits your hotel room door. “Am i just a good fuck you can’t get out of your head or what?”

“N-no, you’re,” he pauses, “you’re everything. And I’m just an idiot who can’t talk about his feelings.”

“Please, you told me yourself that you don’t do ‘feelings’. So do me a favor and tell me what it is you really want.”

“I want you,” he says softly, looking at your lips. Not even an ounce of hesitation floods his system when he reaches out with both hands to cup your face, and finally presses his lips to yours for the first time. You gasp, but kiss him back anyways; Your hands finding a soft grip on his wrists. It’s everything. The way his soft lips perfectly mold with yours. All of the built up emotions he’d been shoving down the last half a year showed themselves in that kiss. He bore his soul to you in that kiss. His tongue swipes at your lower lip, but that’s when you pull away.

“No, Harry,” you rush out, “Y-you’re too late,” you pull his hands from your face, and start to turn away when he grabs ahold of your upper arm, spinning you back towards him.

“Oh, don’t give me that shit,” he bites out, tone no longer soft. “I saw the look on your face when you noticed I was there tonight.” 

“I-I have a boyfriend,” you lie, thinking you could use Chase as an escape route. Sure, he broke up with you about a week ago but Harry doesn’t need to know that. “You’re too late, Harry.” He studies you for a moment. The tremble in your upper lip from fighting off a grin. The telling glint in your eyes. The way you won’t look him in the eye.

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re a terrible liar?” Both of his hands grip your arms as he slowly walks you backwards.

“I’m n-not lying. I have a boyfriend. His name is Chase.” You almost stumble over your own feet, but his grip on your arms keeps you standing. Ah, Chase.

“Right,” he mocks you, “and does ‘Chase’ make you tremble and break like I did?” He leans down near your ear. “Does he make you beg and cry for it like I did? Does he make you cum so hard you see stars like I did? Hm?” His warm breath tickles the skin of your throat. Harry sweeps your hair away from your neck before latching his teeth onto your pulse point, making you gasp. You feel your legs bump against the edge of the bed, your fists take hold of his sweater to keep you standing.

“Harry, I can’t,” you groan. You want to; more than anything, but you won’t give him the satisfaction. He grins against your skin, swiping his tongue over the bite mark he left behind. 

“Your body says otherwise, sweets,” he says, bringing his face to be level with yours, “Tell me to stop,” he slips a hand under your skirt, teasing his fingertips along your inner thigh. Your breath is caught in your throat. “C’mon, tell me to stop,” he plucks the hem of your underwear right near where you want him most. His lips finding your skin again; featherlight kisses being pressed up and down the column of your throat. You tilt your head back to give him more room.

“H-harry, please,” you whine, your hands reach up to grasp the nape of his neck.

“Please what?” he whispers against your throat, biting down again, eliciting a groan from your lips. 

“P-please, t-touch me.”

“Thought you said you had a boyfriend?” He grins, tilting your chin down to look into your eyes. The hand that’s been under your skirt takes hold of the front of your panties and pulls you forward, making you lose your footing and sending you backwards onto the bed. Harry presses one knee onto the mattress, fingers still holding your panties, as he leans over you.

“T-that’s su–subject to change,”  you try to pull him down by the nape of his neck to kiss him again, but he doesn’t budge, one arm anchored near your head.

Instead, with a flick of his wrist he’s pulling your panties down your legs. Bringing them up to eye level, he smirks at the wet patch evident on the front of them.

“Is it now?” His salacious eyes look at you from above. You nod in response, making Harry chuckle. “So, are you going to admit that you were lying to me?” He tosses your panties to the side before bracing his other arm on the other side of you.

You shake your head, a mischievous smile forming on your pouty lips. You run your hands under his sweater up his torso, relishing in the warm feeling under your fingertips. He never let you touch him last time, but he wasn’t about to stop you now. He’d die a happy man after knowing what your skin felt like against his. The way your body reacted to every little touch he offered. Sure, he felt you last time, but not like this.

“You’re just going to make it worse for yourself, sweets,” Harry grins down at you.

“Maybe that’s what I want,” your hands stop their exploration and cup the sides of his face, your thumbs rubbing over his cheekbones. “I do have a boyfriend, but he’s not you,” you whisper. Knowing that Chase isn’t your boyfriend anymore.

“Such a naughty girl,” He leans down to kiss you, your hold moving up and tangling in his curls. You moan into his mouth when you feel the tips of his fingers come in contact with your cunt; he takes the opportunity to shove his tongue into your mouth, exploring every nook and cranny he could find before he pulls away, chuckling at your blown out pupils. “Does Chase take care of you like I did?”

“N-no,” a whine leaves you at the loss of contact, “He won’t even choke me,” you pull him back down to your mouth, hooking your right leg around his waist to bring his weight on top of yours.

He pulls away—“Sounds like a pussy”—before kissing you once again. Lips moving in sync; your whines and whimpers being stolen from you by the greedy man above you. His fingers finally make contact with where you need him most; dipping two inside your warmth to prod at the spongy spot that makes your eyes roll back.

“Haah, you have—ff—fuck, r-right there—no idea.” Your skin already feels like it’s on fire. Your body reacts to his every touch; craving more and more at every turn. Harry would give you anything you wanted if you’d asked for it.

“Mm, you probably feel so needy right now, huh?” he chuckles, bringing his free hand up to firmly grasp your throat. The mischievous glint forming in your eyes again, his favorite smile etched onto your lips. He finally put your favorite necklace back in its rightful place. 

“Uhuh, please. Need you so bad,” His thumb begins rubbing slow circles on your clit; your teeth take hold of your bottom lip as you look at him with blown out eyes, silently begging for more. 

“Yeah?” He’s enthralled by your eagerness. The most genuine smile he’s ever been able to muster forms on his lips. You’ve successfully turned this man into mush without even trying. He’d burn the whole world down for you if it meant you’d look at him like that. “Gonna let me take care of you?” 

You nod. 

“Forever this time?” he’s searching your eyes for any ounce of hesitation. Every feeling he ever felt for you shined bright in the emerald orbs before you.

You smile. 

Big.

“Y-yes, Sir,” leaves your lips in the form of a salacious whisper.

“I can be Sir any other time, I just want to be Harry for you right now, sweets,” he retracts his hand from between your legs, bringing it to face level. His eyes never leave yours as he swipes his tongue over his fingers, licking up every ounce of your arousal; his other hand never leaving your throat, rubbing his thumb over your pulse point. Your mouth waters at the sight. He’s so dirty; and you love it. 

You nod frantically in his hold. “H-Harry please,” you’re not sure what you’re asking for, you just want him.

“Gonna give you what you want–what you need–baby,” he presses a chaste kiss to your lips before taking a hold of your hip with his free hand and flipping the two of you over so you were straddling his waist. Sliding his hand that’s around your throat to the nape of your neck to kiss you deeply. He sits up with you, bringing his hands down to the hem of your shirt, sliding his warm hands over the expanse of your hips, trailing up to grope your breasts; his lips still moving perfectly in sync with yours. “C-can i take this off?”

“Please,” a whine leaves your lips. Your arms raise up as he slides your shirt over your head, tossing it to the side. He eyes your chest; placing kisses all over. Reaching behind you, unclasping your bra as it finds the same fate as your shirt. His mouth latches on to your left breast, rolling his tongue over the perked bud. You throw your head back, arms draped around his neck as you grind your bare cunt into his very evident bulge; reveling in the friction against your clit.

“If you keep doing that, I’m going to lose my shit,” he growls, taking your other breast into his mouth.

“Do your worst,” you whisper into his ear, sliding your hands under his sweater, pulling it over his head to join the other pieces of clothing on the floor. You stand from his lap before he’s able to react. Slipping your fingers into the waistband of your skirt, you shimmy it down your hips and thighs, giving him a little show. He watches on with lustful eyes. 

He reaches for his belt, pulling it from the loops of his jeans. “You gonna tie me up again, Harry? Hm?” you tease him, opening the button of his jeans.

“No, baby. Wanna feel your hands all over me this time,” he tosses the belt to the side, standing from the bed, he cups the sides of your face, pulling you to him once again. Your hands still working his zipper, pushing his jeans down.

“Then allow me,” you whisper. Reaching to pull his hands from your face, dropping them to his sides. Slowly sinking to your knees, placing open mouthed kisses to his skin as you traveled south. You feel his abdomen contract at the light touch, making you smirk against his skin before swiping your tongue over the surface, making the man above you audibly whimper.

“D-don’t tease, sweets.” 

You chuckle, pulling his jeans all the way down, he kicks them to the side. Harry slides his boxers off, not wanting to waste anymore time, much to your dismay. You roll your eyes, but your attitude disappears once his cock springs up and you catch a glimpse of his reddened tip, just begging for your attention. 

“Sit,” you whisper, running your fingertips up his legs, tracing over the tiger tattoo on his thigh; placing a kiss on its nose after he sits on the edge of the bed.

“Anything you want, baby,” he reaches to cradle your face, but you dodge his reach. He looks at you quizzically.

“No touching,” rolls off your tongue. You watch his eyes darken as that famous smile forms.

“Oh, you want to play like that?” he leans back on his hands, as you nod. Your hands wrapping around the base of his cock, making him suck a breath through his teeth.

“Wanna see how long you can last without touching me,” you say before you spit onto his tip, smearing it with the precum along his length. Engulfing him in your mouth, swirling your tongue over his tip; running it up and down the prominent vein along the underside. Harry’s eyes roll into the back of his head when you pass the tip of your tongue over the tip of his cock. 

“F–Fuck, sweets, that’s s–so go–ood,” his hands fist in the comforter, just itching to grasp into your hair to guide you how he wanted you. But he was enjoying letting you have your fun. You hum after sinking him to the back of your throat; working him up and up and up. “Baby, if you don’t stop, I’m gon–” you reach up, to fondle his balls, giving them a firm squeeze. His hands shoot up; pulling you off of his cock. “Unless you want me to cum down your throat, you’d better stop now,” he warns you, letting you go. You shake your head.

“Fuck my throat, Harry,” you groan. “Gimme your cum,” your tongue lulls out as you put your mouth on him again.

“You want my help now?” he questions, swiping your hair out of your eyes. You hum an ‘mhm’ around his cock. You pull off for a second—”You already lost, so just fuck my throat already”—before sinking your mouth back onto him. A groan erupts from deep in his chest; he stands slightly, gripping underneath your chin with one hand, and cradles the back of your head with the other, “Breathe through that nose, baby,” he says before nestling your nose against his happy trail; holding you there for a few seconds before pulling back just enough to hear the slick sounds of spit leaving your lips and then diving back in. Rocking his hips back and forth; his balls slapping your chin with every thrust. Your eyes watering, mascara bleeding onto your cheeks. He pulls you off, letting you catch your breath. “Color?” he asks, leaning down by your face. 

“G-green,” you choke out, a sadistic grin forming on your lips. 

“My filthy girl,” he smiles down at you. Tapping your cheek, signaling you to open, Harry spits onto your tongue, colliding his fingertips with the surface of your cheek before sliding his cock back into your mouth. You groan at the impact on your cheek. “Still want my cum in your throat? Blink once for yes and two for no, sweets,” he grins down at you. You blink once in response. “Alright, baby” he speeds up his hips, the tip of his cock prodding at the back of your throat with every thrust. You gag, but he presses on emptying himself deep inside. Moans and cries of your name leave his lips as he squeezes every last drop into your mouth onto your tongue. You swallow and cough as he pulls himself out, catching your breath. He reaches down, pulling you up under your arms to stand with him. Swiping his hands over your hips and lower back; he pulls you to straddle his lap on the bed once again. “Such a pretty girl, looking a mess for me,” he praises, swiping a thumb across your cheek wiping some of the tears and drool away. “Missed you like this. Missed you in general,” he whispers, pressing his lips to yours, tasting himself on your tongue. 

“I missed you too,” you whisper against his lips, pressing your lips back together. He grins against your mouth.

“Couldn’t have missed me too much,” he chastises you, “How many guys did you try to look for me in?” he questions, flipping the two of you over, standing between your legs and  leaning over you. “Hm? How many guys did you try to let have what's mine?” One of his hands swipes those two fingers through your folds.

“J-just f-four,” you moan at the contact. “Promise, I missed you,” you try to pull him down to you, but he remains like a statue, staring at you from above. “Please, kiss me, Harry,” you plead with him.

“Mm, just four,” he mutters. “Gonna give me four orgasms to make it up to me?” he nods his head at you, grabbing your chin to nod your head for you; he smiles at the look of panic in your eyes. “Say, ‘Yes, Harry’ if you understand, baby,” he says, placing a kiss on your nose.

“Y-yes, Harry,” you whisper. Smiling before pulling his lips to yours. He trails his kisses down the expanse of your chest, teasing his tongue on your skin with every kiss. You’re a whimpering mess beneath his touch. Reacting to every pass of his hands over your sweat-slicked skin. Harry settles on his knees between your legs, sligning your knees over his shoulders.

“Still green?” he asks, breath fanning over your cunt. 

“Uhuh,” you whine. “So green.”

Harry dives right in, swiping his tongue over your clit before wrapping his lips around it and sucking, lightly crazing his teeth over the nub; making your hips jerk in response. One of his hands slides up to firmly hold your hips in place against the mattress. 

“Oh, fuck, Harry,” you gasp as a finger enters your heat, giving you that delicious curl that only he could achieve. Your fingers weave into his curls, tugging at the roots. 

“Mm, baby. Keep pulling on it,” he moans against your pussy. “Make it hurt,” he whines. Tongue fucking you as deep as he could and his nose constantly bumping up with your clit has your senses turning all the lights in the house on, plus his finger poking at your g spot has you cumming without warning. Clutching onto his curls for dear life as your body convulses under his mouth.

“Gimme all of it, baby. Soak my face,” he says, continuing his ministrations. Your clit throbs under his tongue, sending shockwaves through your body. 

“T–too much, Harry, oh god. Too much!” He slaps down on your thigh as a warning.

“Shut up, and take it for me like the good girl I know you can be f’me,” his thumb pressing on your clit, sending you into your second orgasm only a minute and a half after your first one. “Good,” he praises you. “Very good, baby.” His fingers continue working you through your trembling state; bringing you back down to earth; just for him to send you back into outer space once he deemed you ready for takeoff. “How are you feeling, sweets?” He slides your legs off of his shoulders, then standing to lean over you again.

“So fucking good, Harry,” you moan out, reaching up to wrap your arms around his neck. He leans into your touch laying his body weight on top of yours. One of his hands comes up to cradle your face, swiping his thumb over the apple of your cheek before kissing you hard. Tasting yourself on someone else’s tongue has never tasted so good. He moans into your mouth, swiping his cock through your folds. 

“Good,” he smiles down at you. You hike your leg up around his hip, tugging him as close to you as possible as he pushes inside. A delicious stretch that you’ve missed terribly. None of those boys you’d attempted to forget Harry with could ever compare to this here and now. He swallows the moans you let escape; sliding his other hand down to grip the sides of your throat, making you whimper. “Take it,” he growls, “Take it all.” 

“Hgnh, Harry. It–it’s–” your moans take over before you’re able to finish your sentence. But Harry knew.

“Know it is, baby. But you love it.” He grins, covering your mouth with his to pull your tongue into his mouth. Stilling his hips once he’s at full hilt, surveying your body's responses to the stretch. Pulling your other leg up over his hip, you silently beg him to move. Harry begins rocking his hips back and forth, stealing every one of your whimpers and cries of pleasure. Your nails leaving scratches along his back. Harry reaches one arm under your lower back, lifting your hips slightly, getting a different angle. Your head tilts back, he takes the opportunity to attach his teeth to your throat, eliciting a deep groan from you. 

But he’s not satisfied yet. He stands, still inside you; grabbing ahold of behind both of your knees and pressing them to your chest, he pistons himself into your cunt; turning you into a whimpering mess. “Fuck, sweets, this pussy fe–eels so go–od.” He groans, leaning down to press a kiss to your lips. The angle making your eyes cross; lulling your tongue out he offers you a wad of spit, adding two fingers. “Suck,” and you do. Taking them into your mouth; swirling your tongue around. His other hand sliding down to rub fast circles on your clit, making you gasp. Accepting the opportunity, he pushes his fingers further into your throat making you gag. “Hm, very good, baby,” he smiles at you, retracting his fingers; offering you a slap across your cheek. You smile up at him. “Dirty girl, just wants to be manhandled. Poor thing’s been neglected, huh?” You nod. 

He speeds up his fingers, ignoring your protests of too much. He reminds you that you know what words to use if you really want him to stop. “Gonna cum, pretty?” 

“Uhuh uhuh,” you whine, “hurts, Harry.”

“Know it does, pretty. But you’ll take it f’me won’t you?” he coos at you. You nod frantically in response, your arms anchoring around his neck and pulling him to you. “Yeah you will.”

“G’na cum, Harry,” you tuck your face into his throat, peppering kisses all over the surface in attempt to ground yourself. 

“Cum all over me, pretty girl. Give it to me,” he whispers in your ear. Your body contracts against his, he anchors one hand to your hip, forcing you to remain in place and accept the assault on your bundle of nerves from his other hand.

“H-Harry, please, please please,” whines leave your spit slicked lips, and he just coos you to be quiet.

“Shh, baby. Just take it f’me.” his fingers speed up just a little bit more, as do your whines. “Now, now, do I need to silence you? You were doing so good, baby,” he says, colliding his fingertips with your cheek once again, making you go quiet. You shake your head ‘No’. He takes hold of your face, covering your mouth with his hand as he looks down into your eyes. “Then give me another, right now,” he demands, stilling his hips against yours but continuing to spell his name over your bundle of nerves over and over and over again. 

“F–fuck, Harry,” your body works into overdrive as you hit the peak of the mountain again; toppling over the edge of pleasure and coming down fast, headed right for rock bottom but not before Harry swiftly pulls himself out of you, and flipping you over onto your tummy. You gasp in surprise. He enters you again from behind, you reach back to grasp his hip, attempting to push him back. 

“Ah, ah, ah. I’m not done with you yet,” he growls in your ear. Grasping both of your arms, he folds them against your lower back in one hand.

“Y-you said, f-four,” you whine into the comforter.

“Did I?” he grins above you. “Hm, guess that makes me a liar too, doesn’t it?" he chuckles darkly, his free hand landing smack after smack on your ass. "C’mon pretty, give me number five.”

“H-harry, I–I ca-can’t.”

“You can, and you will,” he states matter of factly. Pulling your arms back with each thrust of his hips to hit every good angle inside your pussy. 

Your head is spinning, every nerve of yours is on fire. Sliding a hand down the expanse of your back, he presses his thumb into your ass, making you moan louder than you have all night. With every thrust of Harry’s hips it drives his thumb further into your ass making your eyes cross.

“G’na cum again, oh god, Harry. G’na cum!”

“Cum, baby. Give all of it to me,” your arousal comes in waves, squirting all over Harry’s abdomen and thighs. “Oh, yes, baby. There she is, such a dirty girl. C’mon, keep squirting all over this dick,” he groans. Leaning down to angle your head to smush his lips against yours. Your body is set ablaze; nobody has ever been able to set your senses on fire like this. Harry was your one in a million, and he finally saw that. He continues thrusting his hips, in and out, in and out milking every bit of your arousal from you that he can. Releasing your arms, he braces his hands near your head, biting down on your upper back as he fucks you into the mattress.

“W-where do you want my cum, baby?” He asks breathlessly, sinking his teeth back into your skin.

“I-inside. Fill me up, Harry,” you moan into the blanket beneath you, your knuckles turning white from your grip.

“Don't have to tell me twice,” he grunts, “G’na fill this pussy up with my babies. Make you all swollen for me. Then those boys will know who you belong to. You want that? Hm?” 

“F-Fuck, yes, Harry. Make me yours,” you cry out, fisting the comforter in your hands. He stills against you; filling you to the brim. “S-shit, Harry. So good, baby. So good.”

“Shit, pretty—you’re so good. Best I ever had, swear to god. Such a good girl,” he moans against your skin. “Perfect f’me.”

The months of brooding just kept him away from what was his; you. Everything about you. The smile he fell in love with at first sight, but refused to admit it. The sounds of your laughter filling the air. The way your face reddened every time he kissed your cheek goodbye. The gleam in your eyes when you got particularly excited about something, especially if it was considered taboo. You were his dirty girl.

He was leaning against the counter as you two discussed everything. The one question you’d asked him that he didn’t really want to answer at the time. “Do you believe in love?” His response, “I’d like to, but it’s not for me,” and it broke your heart. He didn’t think he was deserving. He just wanted to run his business, and move on. He ignored every pang in his chest when he thought about you. But looking at you here and now, his arms wrapped around you as you stood in your hotel room shower, his heart has never felt more full.

“I think I have to change my answer to one of your previous questions.” He says, running his hands over your water slicked skin, rubbing circles on your hips with his thumbs.

“Mm, which one would that be?” You ask, turning your head to look up at him, cheek pressed against his chest, your fingers tangled in his wet curls.

“If I believe in love.”

“And?” You question, a sly smile forming on your lips.

“If I get to experience it with you, then I absolutely believe in love,” he leans down to softly kiss your lips, pulling you as close to him as possible. “But you were right about one thing,” he whispers as he pulls away for a split second, taking in the gigantic smile on your face. Your eyes searching for any sense of deception. 

There is none.

“What’s that?” you ask, bringing a hand down to cup his face; you run your thumb across his bottom lip.

“I didn’t do feelings. Not until you,” and he’s kissing you again.

c/n: weeeeell. what do we think? 🙈 I know it says final up there but I think I may do a check in or two for our pair here. We shall see!! Thank you for coming along this journey with them! I hope you enjoyed!

please like &/or reblog if you enjoyed!

[jflemings]

— the better option

pairing: jessie fleming x reader

synopsis: you have to make a choice

warnings: SMUT, profanity, switch!jessie (for my own agenda)

a/n: this is… certainly something! (this is literally pure filth and i cannot stress that enough)

based off the lyrics “i’m gon’ love her better ‘cause her man ain’t shit”

you were in pure disbelief as you pulled up to jessie’s place.

you had been fighting with your now ex boyfriend for the third time this week. he had slammed his way into your apartment demanding that you choose between him and your best friend because he’s apparently ‘had enough’ of jessie coming between the two of you. his face was almost bright red when you laughed at him and told him, with all the confidence in the world, that your choice would always be jessie, that she was always going to be the better option.

so now here you were. after kicking him out and telling him to go fuck himself, you’d gotten straight into your car and drove to jessie’s.

you trudge up the stairs of the building to her front door before letting yourself in. she’s standing in her kitchen when you loudly announce yourself, the anger in your voice making her jump slightly.

“fucking prick” you seethe “asking me to choose between the two of you as if i’m not going to choose you everytime!”

jessie sips her glass of water and watches you pace in her kitchen amused. she hadn’t ever really liked him but kept her distain quiet because you had seemed to really like him, but deep down she knew that the two of you weren’t going to last.

the first problem was that he couldn’t make you cum.

the second was that he’s not her.

“and then, and then!” you flail about “he told me— to my face, jess— that he thinks i’m in love with you and that’s the reason i won’t suck his dick more than twice a week!”

the midfielder almost chokes on her drink at your words. you’d come to her after every fight ranting and raving about how much of an ass he was and how badly you needed to break it off, but never had you told her that.

“so?” she questions.

you stop and turn to her with your arms cross “so what?”

“so was he right?” jessie doesn’t know where this sudden burst of confidence has come from, nor has she thought about what is going to happen if you are in fact in love with her, but she doesn’t care. the unspoken tension has been building between the two of you for far too long and she needs a straight answer for her own sake.

the truth was that she’s been in love with you for a while now. it was a conclusion she came to slowly, but once she had, it was only a matter of time before she let her feelings spill out all over you.

she just needed to know.

you stare at her blankly and drop your arms by your side. your brows furrow “well– um” there’s a thick feeling of something in the air as jessie awaits your answer. her fingers twitch against her glass as she watches you.

“yeah, i mean, he was” you admit quietly.

the two of you stare at eachother for a moment before jessie slams her glass down on the counter top and walks straight up to you, taking your face in her hands and kissing you hard. you’re quick to react with hands around her neck and in her hair, walking the both of you backwards until you hit the counter.

your tongue runs along her lower lip as a way to ask for permission, which jessie readily grants, and you slide your tongue into her mouth. she groans as you pull at the roots of her hair and pulls off your mouth.

“i hated him” she admits into your lips “such a fucking asshole” jess slots her knee in between your legs and pushes up into your core. you grown into her mouth and let yourself settle on her knee, bracing yourself on the edge of the counter before jessie breaks away from you and lifts you up abruptly.

you yelp and settle on the cold laminate, wrapping your arms around jessie’s neck once again and threading your fingers through her curls. she groans at the sensation and immediately grips the sides of your thighs, pushing herself further into your lips.

she tugs on the hem of your shirt and you hastily take it off before tugging on hers, beginning to lift it up her torso and throw it behind you. your hands perch on her tones shoulders as you kiss her sloppily across her face before mouthing at her jaw and neck.

“are you sure” she asks breathlessly “because we can stop—”

“no” you say into her warm skin “unless you want to”

“no fucking way”

“bedroom?” you question her, to which she wordlessly picks you up and guides your legs around her waist.

she leads the both of you to her bedroom blindly, kicking open the door and walking to the end of her bed. she places you down and takes your chin between her forefinger and thumb, kissing you hard.

your own fingers hook in the waistband of your shorts before she quickly lets you stand and takes them off herself. the sight of your panties makes her cock her head and smirk.

“did you come here with a mission?” she teases

“can’t a girl just wear a matching set for the sake of it?”

jessie rolls her eyes and pushes you back down onto the bed before hastily planting her lips firmly on yours. one hand slides from your hips to your waist whilst the other snakes around the middle of your back. she pushes her hand past the underwire of your bra and cups your breast, kneading the flesh as her kisses get sloppier.

you toy with the waistband of her shorts impatiently, leaving her to break away from you momentarily so she can pull her shorts and underwear down her legs in one swift motion, tossing the clothing across the room. she’s quick to take off your own soaked panties and unclasp your bra, freeing your breasts of the black lace that covered them.

her lips wrap around one of your nipples whilst she rolls the other in between her thumb and forefinger. you feel her tongue circle your areolae teasingly a few times before nipping the perked bud shortly. you rub your thighs together in an attempt to gain some friction and groan lowly as the brunette releases your nipple. she smirks up at you and moves to the other one, paying it the same attention and repeating her actions.

“jessie” you say breathlessly to which she hums against you.

she lets go of your nipple with a pop and tilts her head “yes, pretty girl?”

you whine and push her shoulders “please”

“please?” she says mockingly “please what baby?”

you rub your thighs together frustratedly “please just fuck me already”

she smiles and allows you to push her down. her hands crawl down your stomach and over your legs as she begins to sit up, pulling your knees apart slowly.

“so wet already” she tuts as she runs a finger through your folds “all for me?”

“all for you”

the canadian hums again and crawls to the end of the bed before standing at the foot of it. she grabs your ankles and pulls you towards her causing you to yelp in surprise.

jessie gets on her knees and hooks your legs over her shoulders, wasting no time as she dives in. she opens her mouth over both your clit and entrance and gathers spit on her tongue before running the muscle over you sloppily. lewd, wet sounds fill the room as she laps you up.

your heels dig into her back and you arch off the mattress “jessie” you moan loudly at the feeling of her exploring the most intimate part of you. pulling away, she uses her fingers to spread your folds before smoothly sliding two fingers in at once

“oh my fucking god” you arch your back at the full feeling and jessie places a forearm on your abdomen to hold you to the bed. she curls her fingers presses into your sweet spot immediately before pulling out slightly and repeating her actions. she smirks at the way you’re already squirming under her. the tension that had been brewing was finally being released, and she was having the time of her fucking life.

her fingers piston out of you with ease and she angles her thumb awkwardly to merely put pressure on your puffy clit. her actions are rewarded with a high pitched moan and breathy half laugh as you white-knuckle the sheets under you.

you were singing her name to the heavens like it was a prayer, each moan, groan and breathless profanity getting jessie wetter than before.

“taking me so well” she praises whilst watching your face “can’t ever believe he’d let you go”

as your legs begin to shake and you clench around her fingers, jess watches in awe as you cum all over her fingers with a loud, breathless moan. “atta girl, there you go” she utters “you look so pretty coming all over my fingers. such a pretty girl”

your hips buck as you ride it out, your fists letting go of the sheets in favour for jessie’s free hand. you pull her up towards your lips, humming in contentment when her fingers dig into your hips as you kiss her hard. she swipes her tongue across your bottom lip and slots it into your mouth when you allow it, kissing you like she was a woman starved.

finding the strength, you get up into a sitting position and push jessie onto her back so you can straddle her waist. her hands slide up your waist and across your back as you kiss all over her jaw before nipping her earlobe. slowly, you lick behind her ear before latching you lips to the sensitive skin and sucking.

you nudge jessie’s jaw with your nose and suck down the column of her throat, nipping the quickly bruising marks. her hands hook your thighs just under your ass and begins to pull you up her body “want you on my face” she breathily says.

“what” you ask almost in disbelief.

“i want you to sit on my face” she repeats, still pulling you up her body. you shakily sit on your knees and place your hands on the headboard to give jessie enough room to slide under you. she does so eagerly, digging her fingers into your thighs and smiling cockily as you hover over her.

when you don’t put your weight on her immediately she does it for you, pulling your core onto her mouth and immediately getting to work. the canadian flattens her tongue against you and presses it to your hole before dragging it to your sensitive clit, closing her eyes in pleasure. she repeats the motion before dipping the tip of her tongue inside you teasingly.

your jaw goes slack as you look down at her and furrow your brows before you wriggle on her face to encourage her to do more. jessie grips your thighs and moans into your pussy, the vibrations sending shockwaves through you. she doesn’t give you much more time to react before she pulls the hood of your clit back and begins to mercilessly suckle on the bundle of nerves.

your hips buck and you throw your head back in pure ecstasy. one of your hands fly to jessie’s hair and you tug at the roots, earning another low groan from the footballer. “fuck jess just like that! holy fuck”

the praise only makes jessie speed up her movements and she flicks her tongue over your clit with more pressure. her hands leave your thighs and find a new home on your boobs, immediately kneading them and running her thumbs over your perked nipples. your hands grab the back of her own just as coils of pleasure begin to tighten within you. your thighs flex against jessie’s head, trapping her in and allowing you to rock back and forth against her mouth quickly as you chase your high. your head hangs low on your neck, hair falling in your face as you look down at her.

she looks like she’s in heaven in between your legs. her hair is sprawled put over her pillows and her pupils are blown out wide, the normal warm brown that you’ve grown so accustomed to disappearing. the way she’s looking at you, paired with the fact that you can feel your juices all over her face, has your eyes rolling in the back of your head.

“yes jessie, yes jessie, fuck” you babble in between moans, your fingers tightening around her hands “i’m gonna– shit, i’m gonna cum” you breathe out, screwing your eyes shut as white hot pleasure completely overcomes your body for the second time.

the canadian flattens her tongue as you ride her face and she’s gone from pinching and rolling your nipples to just kneading the plush flesh in between her palms. you slide off her mouth and catch your breath, continuing to keep her hands on your chest as you come down. your legs are like jelly when you practically fall off her face and onto your back next to her, your chest heaving as you process the two absolutely mind blowing orgasms jessie has just given you.

she props herself up on her elbow and swipes her thumb under her bottom lip and over her chin before putting it in her mouth, licking off any of your release that she didn’t get in her mouth. she leans over you with a cocky smirk “that was hot” she says before bringing your mouths together in a searing kiss, sliding one of her hands under your neck to bring you closer to her. you moan at the taste and smell of yourself on her and push her shoulders back so she’s laying on her back.

you sloppily kiss her, licking into her mouth before kissing down her neck and the valley of her breasts “treat me so good jess” you mumble against her hot skin “no one’s ever made me cum that hard”

she moans at the praise and threads her fingers through your roots softly as you kiss your way down her body. you settle at the end of the bed and slowly put her legs over your shoulders, kissing the inside of her thighs “especially him” you purr, dipping the tip of your middle finger inside her before circling her clit.

“fuck” jessie chokes out, gripping the roots of your hair tighter.

you continue to prod at her entrance teasingly whilst your non-dominant hand crawls it’s way back up her stomach. flattening your palm just above her belly button, you press your tongue to her clit firmly and watch her head slowly roll back on her neck.

one thing that you had learnt about jessie from being friends with her was that she would kill to be praised. she never asked for it, obviously, but everytime someone would tell her how well she was doing a determined fire lit in her eyes. you now know that jessie strived to be the best on the pitch and in the bedroom.

while your tongue works her swollen clit painfully slow your middle and ring finger spread her folds. “such a good girl getting me off like that jess” you praise, pressing your fingers against her “good girls get rewards y’know”

jessie does the best to hold eye contact with you as you slowly sink into her, pulling a delicious groan from her lips “you do know that good girls get rewards, don’t you?”

“mhm” she nods, moving one hand from your hair to cup your cheek, running her thumb over your cheekbone affectionately.

you gather some of her wetness on the tips of your fingers and circle her entrance once again before pushing your middle finger in, curling it as you go. you keep your eyes locked on jessie as she throws her head back and begins to pant. desperate for another reaction like that, you curl and uncurl your finger whilst thrusting in and out of her at a comfortable pace.

jessie’s chest rises and falls and her fingers tighten in your hair “more” she breathes out “please”

“more?” you hum and jessie nods. “i think you deserve that”

you punctuate your words with a second finger. you build your pace until she’s withering under you, her legs shaking and her is abdomen tensing. “c-close” loudly moans “don’t stop i’m so close”

“you gonna cum for me jessie?” you muse, laying your head on her thigh right next to her pussy. your breath fans over her clit that’s desperate for attention and when she gives you another quick nod, you cave.

you’re quick to make work of her clit, sucking and licking to your heart’s content. your eyes are trained on jessie’s face, watching her screw her eyes shut and drop her jaw as she mumbles profanities to no one in particular. she pulsates around your fingers and you can tell that she’s right of the edge just waiting to plummet.

you decide to give her a little push.

you pull off her clit “been so good for me jess. so, so good for me. c’mon baby”

the praise does exactly what you expect. her eyes roll to the back of her head and her hips twitch wildly as you slow your pace to help her ride it out. her loud moans are music to your ears as she comes undone all over you, her juices running down your fingers and beginning to pool in the palm of your hand.

you keep yourself still inside her for a moment as she pants heavily. she lifts her head just as you pull out of her slowly and bring your soaked fingers to your mouth to like them clean of her.

“oh fuck” she curses, throwing her head back against the soft pillow tiredly.

you can’t help but laugh and crawl back up the length of her body, smiling sweetly at her before peppering kisses all over her face. her freckled cheeks are still flushed and she’s got a layer of sweat coating her but you don’t think you’ve ever seen anything more beautiful.

“so how you feeling?” she asks you as if her legs aren’t still shaking minutely from the earth shattering orgasm you just gave her.

“like i’ve made the right choice”

[woniverse-writes]

"Moth to a Flame (part 6)"

Bada Lee x Reader

part 5 ⟵ part 6 ⟶ part 7

series masterlist

summary: y/n l/n is the youngest team member of Jam Republic, competing in the second season of Street Woman Fighter. she’s got the sweetest smile and the most vibrant personality, but she also may or may not be the biggest hothead on the show when it comes to defending her teammates. apparently that’s attractive to Bada Lee.

word count: 12k

warnings: swearing, angst, mentions of depression anxiety disorder, mentions of medication, not proofread, nothing i write is a reflection of anyone's true character and is a work of total fiction

It had been almost a week since the interim mission check. Almost a week since 1 million was estimated to place first. A week since Jam Republic began preparing themselves for elimination. A week since Bada and Y/n fought… a week since the two had last spoken.

After the screaming match between the two girls and y/n making her exit with a slam of team Bebe's dressing room door, the younger headed to her own dressing room bawling her eyes out. Her teammates didn't immediately question anything as she stormed in and began to aggressively pack up the few things she had brought back for the day. Audrey made her way over to place a gentle hand on her shoulder

"y/n-" but was immediately swatted away by the still-crying girl. y/n immediately turned around with regret written all over her face

"I'm so sorry- I didn't- I didn't mean to push you away" she sobbed with wide eyes, shaking her head, trying to convince her friend that she didn't mean it, but Audrey already knew that. Audrey knew Y/n.

"hey, hey! It's okay, I know you didn't mean to…" she comforted the girl, bringing her into a hug. This time the younger girl let her friend wrap her in a warm hug. She buried her face in Audrey's chest and bawled her eyes out until she felt too tired to carry on.

"Is something else bothering you lovey?" Kirsten asked gently from somewhere in the corner. Y/n looked up slightly confused, which is when she realized they had no idea what just happened. She began to cry all over again, this time just weeping exhaustedly. I don't even think you could call it crying- more so just her looking sad as tears freely ran down her face. It took her a few minutes before she could even begin to explain, but when she did it wasn’t any easier.

“I got into an argument with Bada… well- it was actually a really bad fight, and- and I totally fucked everything up” Poor girl could barely finish her sentence, as she hiccuped her way through it before she started sobbing and heaving again. Everyone in the room shared looks of shock and confusion, all rushing closer to comfort their youngest. Audrey already had her hand rubbing circles softly on Y/n’s back while Emma sat on the other side rubbing her shoulder, and the oldest three kneeled/sat in front of her.

“I’m so sorry my sweet girl… do you wanna tell us about it?” Kirsten being the wonderful leader and friend she is, did not hesitate one second before openly trying to comfort y/n. The youngest sniffled and hiccuped a bit more while trying to nod.

“Y-yeah, just give me a-a few minutes, p-please” y/n shakily pleaded as her sobs picked back up. After about ten minutes of crying, she was pretty sure there was nothing left in her. Latrice had gotten up to get her water a few minutes ago and now was forcing her to drink it seeing as y/n had been able to calm down.

“Take your time baby, you don’t have to tell us everything- you don’t even have to tell us anything if you don’t want to!” Ling reassured her little bestie and made sure y/n still remembered how safe she was with Jam Republic.

“No, it’s okay- I want you guys to know… I just- I don’t even know where to start or how to retell this…or if I even have the energy to do so right now…” the youngest countered, wanting just to tell her members what happened and get it out of the way so she could begin suppressing it, but her eyes began to droop and her voice got soft, both being immediate signs of her exhaustion. And on any other day, or in any other situation her members would find it quite endearing, but they can’t help but feel crushed at the sight.

“Why don’t we finish packing- after the flight, you’ll have rested a bit, and if you’re feeling up to once we’ve landed you can explain the whole situation to us then. If not, that’s okay too.” Latrice gently spoke up, reminding everyone that they had a flight to leave for in just under an hour and a half. Y/n sniffled and nodded, slowly standing up. Everyone immediately backed away slightly to give her enough space, then watched as she lifelessly moved around the space, finishing packing her things. It sincerely shocked them to see her this way, thinking it was already pretty bad how she was acting before they showed up- and that was when they WEREN’T paying attention to her. Y/n was never good at hiding her feelings unless it was when she was dancing or performing- when she was putting on a show- so to see her so sluggish and empty really scared the five other members of Jam Republic.

“This is going to be a long, hard fucking week…” Emma noted, the others either nodding or tiredly humming in agreement.

________________

“Do you wanna talk about any of it?” Lusher tried her best not to pry- not that she would've had to pry much anyway since she heard the whole thing- but she wanted to hear how Bada was feeling with the aftermath. The leader just sighed deeply once again with her elbows resting on her knees, hunched over as she laid her head in her hands.

Bada felt nauseous. She felt dizzy, like the room was spinning and her ears were ringing. To be completely honest, there was a possibility she would pass out at any moment. None of what had just happened in the last- what? 20 minutes? Was it longer than that? Hell, was it shorter? Bada really had no clue, but none of what had happened in that time felt real to her.

“I don’t know Lusher…” the leader finally mumbled, still hunched over. It was quiet and meek, sounding exhausted. The sub-leader glanced around at her teammates whose faces were all some sort of variation of fear or anxiety, She sighed and crossed her arms before speaking up again

“Well, then how about we get some rest? Maybe afterward you’ll want to talk about it, or maybe you won’t- either way, we’ll be here…” She firmly stated, knowing how tired everyone was and how sleep easily played a role in how well they felt. The leader took a huge breath, her members watching had her shoulders rose and fell. Bada stood up with her head still hanging low. The other girls moved out of the way and watched as the oldest started groggily packing up her things and sat back down on the couch with an empty look when she finished.

“I’m ready when you guys are.”

____________

The first day back in New Zealand was just another segment added to the nightmare that Jam Republic has been living in these last few days. Y/n slept the whole plane ride but woke up with a very minor fever and headache. She just chalked it up to crying so much and getting so world up.

“I promise it’s fine Kirsten, I'm probably just dehydrated-” 

“Which still isn’t good! Even if that’s the case, it’s not something to treat lightly, y/n. And since I know you’re lying it’s even more serious to me… I need you to try your best to take care of yourself right now love, we need you.” she dragged the youngest over to some airport market and grabbed two waters and a bottle of juice. Kirsten glanced over her shoulder and saw eyeing up some snacks, but didn’t end up grabbing them. When the younger walked away to look at something else, the leader moved to grab whatever she was looking at. The bright colorful packaging with cute designs made her smile. It was obviously a very y/n-like treat- some sort of sweet gummies with a sour sugar coating. She grabbed two of them and got a savory snack as well, knowing how stubborn her youngest is and how hard on herself she can get.

When all of their luggage had been picked up, all six members of Jam Republic headed back to their hotel. y/n lay with her head against the cool glass of the window, not quite asleep but definitely not mentally present. Everyone was already worried from what had happened the previous day, but it seemed like something different was the issue now. Y/n didn’t only seem depressed anymore- she seemed physically ill.

By the time they arrived at their place, Emma was the first to offer y/n help, which she obviously declined. Yet Emma still took her heavier bags, and y/n didn’t even have the energy to complain. The older carried them up for her as she dragged behind the rest of the group. Audrey, noticing how out of it her best friend was, circled back around to meet y/n in the back of the clump

“You not feeling too good, bunny?” the slightly older brunette questioned with eyes full of concern, and a mouth of whatever candy bar she was munching on. Y/n actually felt herself smile a bit at how endearing her friend was. still, she sighed and nodded, which of course Audrey didn’t believe.

“I really don’t get why you feel like you have to lie about it…” the elder mumbled, kicking a rock while they walked. Great, now I made Audrey upset. y/n frowned and sighed deeply

“It’s just easier to deal with it by myself… it’s exhausting having to explain why I feel the way I do, especially when I don’t even understand it half the time… I wanna tell you guys, I promise I do, but it would drag the team down so much, Audrey…”

“Why do you say that? Because we’d have to take time to discuss what’s wrong? Because we’d have to stop working and focus on you for a second?”

“No Audrey it’s not-”

“Oh so then it’s because we care about you and we’d do anything for you in a heartbeat and you don’t wanna accept that you have people that sincerely love you? You don’t wanna accept that you really are a loveable amazing person who doesn’t deserve to be talked to or treated like that?” Audrey pointed off somewhere in the direction they had just come from, seething as she finished. this was the first time y/n had ever seen the girl as angry as she was, but she couldn’t help but feel confused

“How… how do you know what she said?” y/n tilted her head and awaited her friend’s response with said eyes. Audrey hesitated for a second, feeling like she’d said too much, but sighed and began speaking again

“Lusher told Latrice… well- Latrice and me. I still want to hear everything from you though- I want to know how you’re processing all this and how it felt for you because while she seemed neutral, there could just as easily be things Lusher left out in favor of Bada.” she quickly explained, hoping she hadn’t betrayed the other girl’s trust by getting the story from someone else first.

“Lusher didn’t seem… mad? Wait- how does she know? Did Bada really tell them everything already? I mean I guess that makes sense since-” her mumbled external pondering was cut off

“They heard everything…” the older of the two once again spoke hesitantly, unsure of how the other would react. y/n just glanced over, slightly dazed

“Huh?” Audrey let out a breath she didn’t even realize she was holding, then continued explaining.

“Lusher said their entire team was just around the corner while you guys were arguing, and they could hear everything…” she trailed off at the end, cringing slightly at how bad the entire situation was. Y/n sighed and closed her eyes, feeling another wave of headaches coming

“Great, now all of team Bebe hates me…”

“You don’t know that!” Audrey was simply trying to be her optimistic self, and she couldn’t help but giggle when the slightest bit of normal y/n showed through the depression when she gave her older friend an over-exaggerated deadpan look. The two finally reached their shared room and began unpacking the few things they had. After doing so, the girls all quickly washed up and got changed, then headed to practice.

Practice had gone well for the most part- the first half was reworking practically everything and adding more to make the choreography stand out more. The second half was just drilling everything until it was muscle memory, or at least close to it. Everyone could tell y/n wasn’t feeling well. It didn’t show in her dance, but definitely on her face as she looked miserable every time they finished.

“Why don’t you take a break hon-” Emma tried convincing her with a gentle hand on her shoulder, to which y/n loosely pushed it away

“Em, I’m fine” she whined and moaned, tired of having everyone baby her for the day. The older stood there for a moment before sighing and shaking her head, then walking off. The rest of the practice went the same, and everyone finished wrapping things up around 12:45 am. 

Later that evening (or morning rather) after practice had ended and all of Jam Republic had returned to their hotel, y/n started throwing up and her fever increased severely, ending her up in the ER at 2 am with Kirsten and Ling, the others being told to stay back and get some rest.

“After running some tests and talking with her, it just seems like a stress fever, which thankfully means there’s nothing physically wrong- well besides some dehydration, but we have her on an IV for right now- However, whatever is causing the girl so much stress should probably be taken out of her life immediately…” the doctor sternly informed the two oldest members of Jam Republic. They both just looked at each other, not really knowing what to do, seeing as their poor baby’s stress was unavoidable right now unless she were to completely drop from the challenge, and maybe even the entire competition as a whole.

“We’re actually a part of a competition right now… we want her to rest but- we need her to be able to compete with us. Is there anything we can do to speed up the recovery?” Ling spoke before her friend could, the desperate tone already taking over her voice. The doctor sighs and takes off his glasses.

“We could try putting her on an anti-anxiety medication to see if that helps… but it really would be the most ideal to let her rest as much as possible in a low-stress environment.”

“A low-stress environment isn’t really possible right now. And- she’s actually already on something for anxiety and depression, would she even be allowed to do that?” at Kirsten’s question the doctor looks slightly confused

“Has she not been taking the medication recently? Because when we ran the tests to see if there was something in her system, we found no traces of drugs, alcohol, or any substances…” The two dancers once again looked at each other, having a silent conversation.

“Would we be able to see her?” the leader asks softly, to which the doctor nods and leads them to y/n’s room. He opens the door and they find her lying there staring off into space, barely awake.

“Hey honey… is it alright if we come in?” Kirsten asked as softly as she could while still wanting the girl to hear her. Y/n nodded wordlessly and closed her eyes. The two oldest Jam Republic members came and sat near her hospital bed and after a few minutes of conversation with the doctor, it was just the three of them in the room. 

“Sweetheart…” the leader brushed some hair out of y/n’s face and watched as her eyes fluttered open

“Did you hear any of that?” She finished and furrowed her brows, unsure of how aware of her surroundings the younger was. Y/n shook her head and matched Kirsten’s expression

“They’re gonna keep you here overnight to make sure you get enough hydration before going back, okay?” She kept brushing away stray hairs and petting them down softly against y/n’s head, lulling her to sleep. There was a slight nod of understanding. Kirsten stood up and y/n quickly (as quickly as she could) reached out to grab her hand

“Please stay… at least one of you… can at least one of you please stay with me” the youngest pleaded in a pitiful whisper that made the older two’s hearts break all over again. This girl really was going to be the death of them all

“Of course honey, we’ll both stay” Ling reaches for her other hand pressing a motherly kiss to the back of it 

“I’m sorry… for slowing down the process and now dragging you guys into it… you should be getting good rest right now… not here with me… and here I am being selfish by asking you to stay… shocker…” It seemed like y/n was just mumbling whatever was coming to mind, yet tears were once again freely slipping down. Her eyes closed and wet eyelashes fluttered softly against her cheeks as she drifted off. The two sat there in slight shock, a bit taken aback by what she’d said. Both had wanted to say something and let her know how wrong she was- how while yes they should’ve been resting, it was more important to them that she was okay. After a few minutes of silence, Ling spoke up

“Why didn’t you tell her she can’t practice?”

“Because now is not the time to send her into a nervous breakdown… she’s barely even conscious, it’d probably give her a heart attack if I told her she wasn’t allowed to practice” the leader stressed and hung her head for a moment.

“We’re gonna have to ask her about her medication in the morning…” she sighed rubbing her forehead, causing Ling the groan softly so as not to disrupt the sleeping girl a few inches away

The next day Kirsten woke up first and told a half-asleep Ling she was going to grab breakfast for them. When she returned, it seemed the older had been awake for a bit and that y/n had just been waking up. The leader sat in the chair next to the hospital bed and handed everyone their food. y/n thanked her teammate quietly and they all began eating. After a few brief moments of silence and soft chewing, Kirsten spoke up

“So there are a few things we need to talk about…” she mentioned seriously, glancing up at y/n who was staring intensely at her food, but had stopped chewing for the moment.

“...like what?” the younger questioned and went back to cutting up her food to eat more.

“Like why you haven’t been telling us things… we need to know when you aren’t feeling well y/n or else we can’t help you-” Kirsten explained in a worried motherly tone but was quickly cut off 

“I don’t want you to have to help me-” the bedridden girl argued tiredly and sighed. There wasn’t any anger and she didn’t raise her voice in the slightest. She was just exhausted. 

“I should be able to take care of myself on my own. I’m an adult… i should start acting like one” y/n spoke everything loud and clear until the last phrase. She had mumbled the statement to herself, sinking back into her pillows and wallowing in pity again, but Ling and Kirsten both heard the self-deprecating callout. Every second that passed, the two eldest grew more and more worried about their youngest’s wellbeing 

“The doctors said they didn’t didn’t find any traces of anything in your system, which is good, but that also included your meds… did you forget to take them yesterday?” Ling questioned softly rubbing the back of the girl’s hand. Y/n once again goes completely silent, and avoids eye contact with an extremely guilty expression, which has both older members raising an eyebrow.

“Y/n… what’s up?” Kirsten pushed for a response, causing the younger dancer to sigh

“I haven’t been taking them regularly…” Y/n mumbled, fiddling with the blanket that laid over her lap, still avoiding eye contact.

“You haven’t been taking your meds???” “Y/n are you fucking kidding me? Since when?” both members started began outwardly stressing

“...since the second week of filming-”

“THAT WAS THREE AND A HALF MONTHS AGO-”

“Lingy, let’s not yell at her… I’m sure she had a reason…” Kirsten put a hand on her shoulder and the oldest sighed, they both turned expectantly to y/n, who felt immensely small in front of them for the first time in her entirety of knowing the two dancers.

“...they were making me tired” The youngest curled into her and cringed at the excuse, especially after seeing both women’s faces drop into disbelief.

“Are you serious right now?” Ling questioned with a deadpan expression her arms crossed. Y/n bit her lip and continued to play with her fingers.

“y/n…” Kirsten sighed as she closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose

“I started that new medication and it made it impossible for me to do anything! I was barely making it through those battles and the only thing keeping me going was the excitement and adrenaline-” The youngest tried to defend her reasoning but what cut off

“So you thought it was better to just take nothing? Why didn’t you say something to someone, or even just call your doctor and ask to go back-” This was the first time Kirsten even slightly raised her voice at y/n, and it wasn’t even at that point, but the small girl could feel the disappointment radiating off of her team leader, and she felt everything come crashing again.

“Because I didn’t want to go back to the other medication, it did nothing for me- I wouldn’t have switched in the first place if it worked!” she could feel herself getting worked up again, tears somehow still being able to form. She sighed and laid back in the hospital bed, actually crying this time instead of having tears judge freely fall down her face as she stared blankly.

“I know I shouldn’t have stopped taking them… but I just couldn’t do it. I thought I was doing fine…” y/n mumbled, wiping away tears and sniffling, feeling exhausted again.

“Y/n…” Kirsten started after taking a deep breath and hearing the younger girl’s hum of recognition 

“You can’t practice.”

“What…” barely came out as a whisper 

“You’re too stressed out right now, and your immune system is down… you aren’t eating or sleeping properly and you’re overworking yourself. You are literally killing yourself slowly… and for what? A stupid competition? Some girl?” she tried to keep her tone level and calm, but Kirsten couldn’t help the rise at the mention of the other team leader, hating her in that brief moment for being one of the reasons her poor baby was feeling this way

“If it’s so stupid Kirsten, then why are we here?” Y/n could feel herself getting frustrated again. This was exactly why no one took her seriously, because her team didn’t even take her seriously, or at least that’s what she thought. Kirsten let out what felt like the twelve hundredth sigh within the last 24 hours.

“They’re discharging you in about 20 minutes… you’re allowed to come to practice but it’s recommended that you don’t… the doctors said it’s best to keep you out of high-stress environments right now-“ 

“Yeah well, do they even know what’s going on?” so many things were happening in the moment. Y/n felt like she was going to combust and throw up and pass out all at once. She’d never spoken to Kirsten like this- fuck she’d never felt frustrated with Kirsten like this. 

“Yes y/n, we told them, and they still think it’s best for you to rest… at least for a little while” The leader’s tone was back to gentle, but it sounded just as tired as the younger girl’s. Y/n didn’t say anything as she sat in disbelief. The three sat in silence for the next few minutes until it was time for y/n to be discharged. She signed off on some documents and then the three were off. They decided to head back to the hotel first before meeting the others at the studio, wanting to change and all that since they’d all spent the night at the hospital in their pajamas. 

Y/n decided to stay back and get some more rest, finally giving in to her exhaustion. While they were glad she was taking their advice, Ling and Kirsten once again couldn’t help but feel their hearts hurt for their youngest members. It was always hard seeing each other go through tough times, but it usually never lasted this long or became this severe. It felt like there was nothing they could do to help her.

The youngest jam republic dancer napped and rested for about five hours after she had made her return to their hotel. After waking up she showered and got dressed and decided to head down to the studio. When y/n arrived she waved and greeted everyone politely with a gentle smile, shocking everyone at her appearance.

“I thought you weren’t coming today- you said you were gonna rest.” Kirsten separated herself from the group after telling them to keep practicing

“I did rest- but I couldn’t just sit there and do nothing… even if I don’t feel well I should still come and watch to make sure I’m not missing anything” y/n defended her case to the best of her ability, but Kirsten was always right

“No, if you don’t feel well you need to be resting and taking care of your body AND your brain” the leader retorted, teasingly poking the younger girl’s forehead at the end of her sentence to make a point. Y/n cracked the tiniest smile and even though it was barely there Kirsten was proud of herself for at least being able to do that much.

Y/n sat at the front and watched the practice for the remainder of the time, taking notes on everything she saw whether it be strengths or weaknesses, new ideas, or things she felt needed to be changed entirely. The girl was surprisingly calm and didn’t feel any stress while she was observing. That’s pretty much how the rest of that week’s practices went for Y/n until the last three days before filming. She had been begging Kirsten to allow her to get back to dancing and the leader actually almost caved a few times, desperate to perfect the routine, but still stayed strong and insisted she rested.

____________

It had been a week since the two had spoken. By now all the choreography was finished being created, taught, and perfected. The videos were all shot and edited and it was finally the day where all seven teams would present their work to everyone else and the judges. The day when another two crews would be put up for elimination, and once would go home. 

Everyone entered the arena one by one, each team taking their designated seat. It was always mindlessly interesting in these situations, where they’d all gather to watch something but not dance because the fashion choices were truly a show of each dancer’s honest character. Y/n looked as elegant as usual with her red, black, and ivory ensemble. She was doing surprisingly well at the moment, having more of an icy glare rather than the empty eyes of depression that had taken over her the last week or so. 

Y/n was doing surprisingly well until she wasn't. Jam Republic is seated by the time team Bebe passes by. y/n feels her heart rate pick up as they approach, all of them glancing at her, some glaring, but their leader acted as if she didn't even see the girl and walked right past them with an icy stare.

“Oh, now that’s just fucking mean” Ling scoffed and stared down the team as they took their seats. Everyone was obviously feeling on edge and very nervous about the results, but y/n still looked quite ill. She had recovered for the most part, but she suddenly felt like throwing up again at the interaction with Bebe. She's still so distraught from the fight with Bada a couple of days before, and now the youngest dancer is scared shitless that both of their teams are going to be up for elimination. As much as she wants to avoid the older girl right now, y/n wouldn't be able to live with herself if Bebe got sent home today…

y/n took a sharp breath, biting her lip trying to push back the sudden sting of tears already feeling the anxiety begin to gnaw away at her. Lusher noticed this right as the team took their seats and spoke over her shoulder to their leader. 

"you can't keep ignoring her…" the younger prompted after seeing the way Bada pretended y/n didn't exist when they passed by

"excuse me? Who are you to tell me what I can and can't do?" the leader coldly responded, eyeing the girl up and down. Tatter felt a shiver run down her spine at the interaction, already worried about the integrity of her team considering the rest of their practice time felt like a waste as well. She just sighed and tilted her head out of stress.

After the fight between Bada and Y/n happened, and they both went their separate ways alongside their teams, team Bebe began to fall apart. Bada read through the countless criticisms their routine had gotten and didn’t even know where to start. The stress was eating her alive and she tried her best not to let it show. Normally when things got bad, the Bebe leader would talk about it with Y/n, but that obviously wasn’t a possibility right now, which made everything so much worse. 

Practices became unbearable due to how irritable the leader had become, often losing patience easily when things didn’t work out how they were supposed to. Any time they’d go on break Bada would sit and rewatch whatever footage had been taken or reread the notes to see what was going wrong. The other six Bebe members sat off to the side getting water, all observing their oldest with immense concern. She still hadn’t opened up about the situation to them, honestly feeling too embarrassed, even though she knew they heard the entire thing. The guilt of it all was eating away at Bada and she didn’t want to admit that.

“She’s gonna have to share the burden with us at some point” Lusher sighed and pushed herself up off the floor, sauntering over to their crew leader and popping a squat next to her

“You haven’t had any water today…” the sub-leader observed while glancing at the taller girl

“You’re seriously keeping track of whether I do or don’t drink water?” it was supposed to come out in a joking manner, but Bada was serious, the sentence coming out flat and irritated. She didn’t look up from the sheets of paper she was looking over when she responded as well, completely focused on fixing the issue that she couldn’t seem to understand.

“Yeah I am- because you’ve stopped taking care of yourself and you won’t let anyone help you” Lusher snapped back, causing Bada to finally look up and meet her harsh gaze. The younger dancer’s arms were crossed and her brows were furrowed, making her look more like a pouty child than an angry adult, but still Bada could feel the frustration radiating off of her. She sighed and stood up, tall stature looming over Lusher for a second before she stood as well.

“Talk to me… this isn’t gonna work if you take everything on yourself” the shorter once again encouraged her teammate to share her troubles. Bada sighed and the two stared at each other for a moment before Lusher turned her head slightly to call out for Tatter. The blonde came bounding over with a somewhat nervous look on her face

“What’s up?” she asked

“You think you’d be able to run things by yourself for a bit?” Lusher questioned in return, causing Bada to cock her head a little, not entirely fond of the idea. But the way the youngest director confidently responds makes her feel a little better about it. The other responds with a quick ‘great’ and a smile, before dragging Bada out of the practice room and slightly down the hall to one of the small dancer lounges.

“Alright- let’s hear it.” Lusher claps her hands together as she sits on the couch and crosses one leg over the other. The leader lets out an amused scoff and shakes her head. She sits down on the other side of the couch and leans on the armrest.

“I just feel stressed about the routine… we’re taking a big risk with what we’re doing and I can’t help but wonder if it’s the right approach…” Lusher eyed her suspiciously, not fully believing the leader

“So it has nothing to do with Y/n?” she tilted her head and raised an eyebrow, the leader huffing at the question

“Well of course it has plenty to do with Y/n- we didn’t exactly leave off on good terms the last time we talked… it’s just more unnecessary added stress that I need to stop thinking about and move past.” Bada finished her reasoning in a reserved manner, looking away from the girl next to her

“Woah- wait- you think that’s really something you should just ignore??” Lusher was genuinely shocked, not used to her leader being so avoidant. Maybe it was her way of trying to remain relaxed and cool, but the younger dancer could see how terribly the whole situation was affecting her friend, and it definitely wasn’t something to just be left alone.

“Well, I have better things to worry about right now than some childish dancer who clearly can’t control her emotions” the shorter girl scoffed completely unamused 

“This is coming from the person who blew up on her just as easily- come on Bada, you’ve never been a hypocrite so don’t start now” She couldn’t help but laugh a little at how childish the leader was being without even realizing it 

“So you’re taking her side now?” Bada looked pretty offended, telling the other dancer just how serious she was with her question. Lusher sighed deeply

“I’m not taking anyone’s side, but you both were really shitty to each other… neither of you should’ve said the things you said- but by you saying how immature and emotional she is, you’re pretty much saying it all about yourself because you two had the same energy going on…” she tried to explain calmly, which resulted in another immature response from the leader

“I was simply matching her energy-” Bada pouted as she talked, and Lusher usually would’ve found it cute if it were any other situation

“Right, which by your definition was childish and irrational…” the leader scoffed and looked away, playing with her sleeve. There were a few moments of silence 

“You know she’s not doing well either…” the sub-leader spoke up after a while

“Yeah? And how would you know?” the taller girl mumbled, still not looking away from her sleeve, finding the loose string much more interesting than the conversation at this point

“Uhm, I asked her?” she posed it as a question, but it was meant in a sarcastic way, pointing out the obvious answer. Bada quickly snapped her head back up to finally look over at the younger girl

“Oh, so you’ve been talking to Y/n?” Lusher sighed again after seeing her friend’s irritated expression make a return

“Of course I have, she’s our friend- well she’s my friend, I don't know what she is to you” she responded softly and sincerely, yet mumbled the last part, causing the leader to scoff for probably the thirteenth time during this conversation

“C’mon Seoyoung, be serious right now- this isn’t the time for your silly little delusions-” Bada tried to joke slightly and steer her away from the door they were about to open

“No, you be serious Bada. you know damn well she’s more important to you than you’d like to admit. If I didn’t know any better I’d say you were practically in love with her.” the older of the two let out a laugh of disbelief at her teammate’s (accurate) accusation

“In love? With y/n? That hilarious Lusher- really funny actually. I’d love to know where your brain comes up with things like that.” her tone was low and sarcastic, becoming mean and condescending, similar to how it was the last time she spoke with Y/n

“Oh don’t fucking talk to me like that- you’re not gonna treat me like I’m an idiot because I know you better than that. Stop putting your insecurities onto the people who care most about you when they’re trying to help Bada” The room went silent and the older stood straight up in her place, eyes softening at the callout. It was strange to hear Lusher talk to her like that, or even hear her talk like that at all. Sure, the girl teased her a lot, but the two had never gotten into a serious back-and-forth argument like this. Bada thought at that moment that maybe she really could be the problem, seeing as how no one else had been getting into screaming matches like she had recently.

“I just don’t understand why she couldn’t just talk to me…” Bada mumbled sadly burying her head in her arms

“Because she was stressed out and hurt… I mean- if my girlfriend voted to eliminate my group, I would be hurt too-” Lusher tried easing the mood with some light teasing

“Seoyoung…” the older girl dramatically glared at her, but both knew the look held no real malice

“Okay my bad- sorry, but you get the point.” she rushed out in turn

“I do, but she said she understood…” the leader once again drifted off, focus going elsewhere

“Okay, and? She can understand your reason and still be upset about it. Especially since there were other things that were probably weighing down on her… you have to remember, we weren’t the only ones who voted to eliminate Jam Republic… EVERYONE voted for them… and since they had already been facing setbacks from the moment they got to New Zealand she was probably struggling a lot-” Lusher tried to help her understand, but Bada wasn’t having it

“yeah, she was struggling but I was too- you didn’t see me taking it out on her did you?” she tried to retort, but was met with Lusher’s immediate response

“but you did take it out on her! Just not immediately…” 

“Lusher you saw everything- you know how hard everything was for me-“ and it was true, lusher did see everything, just like she’s seeing it now. She witnessed one of her best friends completely lose her confidence and doubt all of her abilities while keeping it bottled up. But she was the only one who saw.

“Right, but she didn’t, Bada… How is she supposed to know that if you don’t tell her-”

“She didn’t tell me anything!” it felt like an argument was starting again. The older of the two truly not seeing the whole problem, or at least not recognizing her part in it

“Right, but you pushed her to talk about something she didn’t want to share with you- why? I don’t know- but that’s none of my business! YOU need to figure out what went wrong…” Lusher explained from the objective point of view

“I get that, but how is it fair for her to shut me out and then get bitchy with me, but when I do it in return that’s not okay?”

“Oh my god- Bada, it wasn’t okay for either of you to act that way! But your retaliating after pressuring y/n to talk about something she wasn’t ready to talk about seems like your own fault…you were so fucking mean to her Bada- like- the things you said were awful and absolutely not okay!” The younger of the two allowed her voice to increase, finally getting her point across. Lusher watched as Bada’s face softened again, feeling like she finally got through to her, even just a little bit.

“...I know” The older hung her head and covered her eyes, as Lusher sighed and sat down next to her, leaning her head on Bada’s shoulder.

“I know she treated you badly too, what she said wasn’t okay either- but it wasn’t charged like yours was” Bada scoffed and wiped her tears that she didn’t even realize had fallen

“yeah, and how do you know?” she shifted slightly to glance down at the younger girl, but Lusher just kept staring off into the space ahead of them

“Well- maybe at first it was a little bit… but at some point, she had already given up on fighting and just wanted to get out of there… believe me, Bada, she knows how bad she fucked up too…”

That week had been just as terrible for Team Bebe as it had been for Jam Republic. The last day before filming they ended up making drastic changes to really sell the concept, causing everyone to be exhausted the next day, but luckily they were all able to hold off until after filming had finished.

The team now sat in their designated area, everyone carrying a very negative intimidating intense energy, except Lusher who was just exhausted from still having to play the mediator at this point. After all teams have settled in and the production staff is ready to go, Kang Daniel begins recapping the mission for the audience members and announces the first concept shortly after. Deep n Dap’s video was shown first.

Y/n felt another wave of depression rush over her as she watched the video. It was so well organized and put together, and hearing how loud everyone else was cheering for the green team made her feel nauseous all over again. Yet the young dancer was able to preserve her face and not let her anxiety show, although she didn’t make a single sound or expression for the entire video. Once Deep n Dap’s score was revealed the entire team of Jam Republic began to get nervous seeing how high all three directors had scored.

Shortly after, it was Jam Republic’s turn. Kirsten had been asked about their rehearsal process and was only able to get a few words out before she started tearing up. The leader finally showed her tears, and Y/n hung her head holding her breath knowing she'd cry too if she didn't. When the score for Jam Republic’s leader was shown, y/n felt herself genuinely smile for the first time in three days.

Once the video started and everyone was cheering, y/n felt herself start to lighten up a little- but was also still frustrated at the circumstances- seeing as they all had no faith in Jam Republic and now here they are cheering for them. Witnessing how well the video turned out after all their trials and efforts, and how much everyone loved the individual parts really made Y/n feel so much better. It shocked everyone slightly that y/n wasn't showcased or highlighted at all, but they had no problem pointing her out since she still stood out due to her energy.

“Oh- Y/n didn’t have any highlights?” Redlic commented as the applause died down

“I guess they weren’t able to give her something with all the idea changes…” To be completely honest, Y/n didn’t want a highlight. When the crew began reworking their choreography and it came to the segment that had featured the youngest dancer, Y/n told Latrice to cut it. She was still not allowed to practice at the time and felt it was unfair to the other dancers and her team.

It actually made Bada feel really bad about herself- because, for the first time since meeting the girl, she was glad y/n wasn't in the spotlight. When the leader realized she was thinking this way it made her feel even worse about the situation, knowing how hard this all was on the younger girl, and she did nothing but make that worse for her. She felt conflicted the entire time watching the video- while she was mostly glad she didn’t have to watch Y/n be in the center of attention and was able to avoid accidentally reacting to how pretty she was; Bada was also annoyed that she wasn’t showcasing her talents like she normally did. Knowing how skilled the young dancer was, her presence alone probably would’ve guaranteed Jam Republic a win, so what reason was there for her not to be given her own part?

The other two scores were revealed and the team felt immense pride. However, any relief Y/n was feeling was ripped away just as quickly as it arrived. Daniel announced the 100-point deduction from Kirsten’s score due to them failing to meet the minimum amount of required dancers and y/n felt her stomach drop. The gasp she let out was followed by tears although she managed to push them back- she truly thought she was going to be sick. Y/n had to physically cover her mouth, to avoid letting out a sob or to stop herself from throwing up? She doesn’t even know. This poor girl is literally internally losing her shit and having a mental breakdown over the fact that they could lose to deep n dap.

Moments pass as Daniel re-explains the extra concept points that would be rewarded to the crew that executed the outdoor concept better according to the judges. When it was revealed that Jam Republic won the points Y/n burst into tears and covered her face with both hands as her shoulders shook with sobs. 

“Ahhh the baby” Amy whined in sympathy, pouting along with Redy and Lia

“She must’ve been so stressed” Waackxy pouted as she and her teammates nodded

“DON’T CRYYYYYY” Lusher was the only one from Bebe to shout out to her, the others kind of just side-eyeing her

“What? She still deserves comfort… she’s not a bad person, she just did a not good thing… I wouldn’t even call it a bad thing” The sub-leader sternly eyed up her teammates, then her leader, already tired of how they were acting.

"she cries too much" Bada was mumbling to herself but made sure to say it loud enough for the girl in front of her to hear. Lusher whipped around and pursed her lips, her nostrils flaring as she forced herself to take deep breaths

"For someone who got into an argument over immaturity, you're acting really childish." the younger of the two whispered calmly, but everyone could feel the rage simmering in her. She turned back around and her face immediately reverted back to one of pride for the pink team.

“Y/n, you were extremely ill during the second half of the rehearsal process-” Bada tilted her head, eyebrows furrowing in confusion and concern at Daniel’s words. She was sick? Is she okay now?

“How do you feel that impacted your overall performance?” the host questioned after Kirsten and Emma had finished giving their speeches. The youngest member sniffed and wiped her tears as she was handed the microphone, taking a deep breath before speaking

“Well…” she sighed and felt more tears coming

“It was extremely difficult for me personally, obviously… but I couldn’t help but feel like a burden to my team…” the youngest member let out a sob as she tried to finish her sentence. Audrey rubbed her back, comforting her friend.

“So I did my best to attentively take notes and help where I could, while actively reviewing the choreography until I was well enough to perfect it on my own…” Y/n was able to finish more stably after taking a few deep breaths and calming herself down. Daniel nodded and smiled sympathetically before thanking her and moving on.

“Wow… she taught herself everything in her own time and practiced it less than the others… and still looked that good???” NOB cocked her head, genuinely stunned by how dedicated and talented the youngest Jam Republic member was.

After 1 Million and Mannequeen’s videos were both shown and scores were revealed, announcing that 1 Million had taken the win, it was time to move on to the all-gender concept groups. Lady Bounce’s video was shown first, and they scored extremely well, seeing as it was well executed and had a lot of energy. The team had received a generally positive reaction during interim checks and also finished off strong with positive feedback from the judges. Both Bebe's and Y/n’s nerves were beginning to rise.

When it came time for Bebe’s video to play, everyone was interested to see what the team did with the feedback. Since Jam Republic was seemingly able to come back from near-elimination, the other crews were curious to see if Bebe would be able to do the same, or if they would simply take the other team’s place as the least impressive performance.

Right off the bat, Y/n was already distraught. The amount of partner work really threw her for a loop because it wasn’t like that before… and she literally thought she was gonna burst into tears again. She knew it was obviously just acting, but the young dancer still hated it and lowkey felt like it was a punishment, even though it clearly wasn’t. 

The entire time, she watched with a heavy heart. It was so good and she couldn’t even tell anyone how proud she was of them, especially Bada, so Y/n just there and silently let tears roll down her face the whole time. Her eyes were on Bada as soon as it ended. She of course didn’t look her way, but y/n continued to clap as hard as she could, knowing if she were to open her mouth and cheer she’d probably let out a sob

“It was just really good… I’m glad it turned out so well” she said wiping her tears and putting on a very fake smile trying her hardest to look happy and not utterly heartbroken, knowing how the camera picked up every reaction. Audrey once again patted her friend’s back and gave her a sympathetic smile. When Bebe’s score was shown everyone was shocked to see that it was lower than Lady Bounce’s- not by a ton, but still lower. Y/n felt her heart rate start to pick up, getting nervous at the thought of Bebe losing the whole challenge and ending in the elimination battle.

Bada started her speech well but only got about two words in before feeling a surge of emotions. She quickly recognized the hard work of her team and spoke on how she would continue to improve and grow as a director, before affirming it all with a nod and handing the microphone back over. Wolf’Lo’s performance followed, and Y/n wasn’t shocked at all when she continued to be unimpressed by the group’s work. However, despite her exhaustion and anxiety, the youngest Jam Republic member was still able to pull out an expressive reaction to the orange team scoring higher than Bebe.

“That’s fucking ridiculous…” Y/n glared at the screen, unable to hide her distaste. Emma snorted at the girl’s reaction

“Good to see you haven’t lost your judgment” the older girl teasingly smirked at her teammate who just smiled lightly and shook her head. Daniel moves on to announcing which of the three teams received the bonus points for executing their concept the best. Ladybounce took the win and y/n began to panic more seeing that Bebe came in last out of the three. When they showed the current rankings based on judges' scores, she was relieved Jam Republic wasn’t at risk for elimination, seeing Bebe in sixth place had her head spinning. She was really hoping the audience votes would keep her safe and boost Bebe in the ranks as well.

The host began announcing the final ranks for the mission, after adding in audience votes and views. 1 Million placed first, not surprising anyone, since their performance was practically flawless. Jam Republic was called for second place and all six of the members felt the tension leave their bodies, even though their safety was guaranteed by their win. Audrey put her arm around y/n and the girl was able to smile a little bit more at their victory, still not completely present in the moment due to how much of a nervous wreck she was for Bada and her team. Now that Y/n knew she was one hundred percent safe, she should’ve felt relieved, but no such feeling came.

While the other members debated who tied with Mannequeen for third between Ladybounce and Bebe, y/n just continued to lay with her head on Audrey’s shoulder, totally zoned out. Ladybounce won and the youngest jam member tensed up while applauding, not moving from her teammate's shoulder. When Bebe is announced as fifth it takes y/n a second to come out of her daze, and when she does she sits straight up and feels tears sting her eyes again. She’s able to hold them back as she applauds, finally feeling genuine relief knowing that the team is safe.

Bada was handed the mic to give her speech, and much like everyone else who had held the microphone at one point today, she began to tear up. Of course, all the natural stress and anxiety of the challenge and competition as a whole had gotten to her, but everything had hit so much harder since she wasn’t able to share any of it with Y/n. The leader felt tears rush faster, no matter how hard she tried to keep them back. After taking a few deep breaths and racing some encouraging pats on the back from her team, Bada was able to speak up

“I’m glad we always scored well in previous missions, but it was a lot of pressure going into this knowing how high the standards were for us…” the tall leader started off 

“It’s really all thanks to the members for keeping things going while i wasn’t at my best, so thank you. We’ll continue to keep showing great performances.” Bada finished with a firm not and grateful smile, evoking applause from the other teams. Deep n Dap and Wolf’Lo place in sixth and seventh by default, meaning they are the two teams up for elimination. Daniel announces that both teams are free to go prepare for the battles now and everyone disperses, heading back to their individual hideouts. Jam Republic is one of the last groups to head up to their room, along with Mannequeen, seeing as the two were hyping each other’s videos up.

“Oh shit- I think I left my phone down there…” Y/n sighed in annoyance after feeling around for her phone and not finding it

“Do you want me to come with you to check?” Emma offered, but the younger just shook her head

“No, it’s okay. I’ll meet you guys back in the room” she replied and the others nodded, then they both parted ways. Y/n went back down to the fight zone area, looking around Jam Republic’s seating for her phone, finally finding it next to the bleachers. As she heads back up and begins going down the hall, someone rounds the corner nearly bumping into her.

“Oh- I’m sorry” Y/n meekly whispers at the taller blonde, who at first was glaring down at her, but softened her gaze once she realized how terrible the girl looked. Even under all the stage makeup she had on, Y/n’s eyes were slightly sunken in and didn’t hold the same sparkle they usually did

“It’s fine…” Tatter somewhat dryly responded. Neither of them moved, both simply staring at each other for moments. The older of the two felt the urge to at least create some small talk between them, also harboring some guilty feelings for being cold toward the Jam Republic member.

“How have you been?” she crosses her arms and tries to sound relaxed, not wanting the other girl to feel uncomfortable. Y/n didn’t really know what to say, as she stood stuttering for a few moments, debating whether or not to answer truthfully

“well… I’ve definitely been better” is ultimately what she decides to say. Tatter frowns and her shoulders slump as she sighs

“I’m sorry…” y/n gives her a tight-lipped smile in return, hoping that would be the end, as the whole thing felt incredibly awkward. Yet the older sighed again and continued

“I’m actually sorry for some other things too… I’m sorry for not reaching out to check on you and for being so bitchy. I just saw how distraught Bada was after the whole situation between you two, and I didn’t even stop for a moment to think you could be doing worse… so I’m really sorry y/n” Tatter gently explained with genuine sorrow in her eyes. The other dancer was touched by the apology and a bit taken aback as well

“Thank you Tatter… I really appreciate it. These last few days have been miserable, especially since fighting with Bada… I understand you guys not wanting to talk to me or other things like that because I said some pretty terrible things-” the blonde cut her off with a scoff of a laugh

“Yeah well, you definitely weren’t the only one… I’d even argue that what Bada said was much worse” she strongly retorted, causing the younger girl to sigh and look down

“I know… but I kinda deserved it” Y/n quietly replied feeling her throat begin to close up at the memory

“Not really… I mean sure- you were being an annoying brat, and maybe a tiny bit selfish in the moment, definitely petty-” the other girl calmly argued

“Okay Tatter, was there a point you were trying to make?” the blonde laughed at her friend’s sarcasm, glad to see the slightest smile on the girl’s face, making it known that she wasn’t taking any of it personally

“What I’m trying to say is that even though you were having a rough moment, how Bada dealt with it was absolutely not the right way to go about it. Of course, you were both at fault, but she took it too far.” Tatter finished seriously with a small shake of her head. There was another moment of silence before she began speaking again, shifting the topic slightly

“I bet dealing with this didn’t make it any easier for you to get better, huh?” the older asked in regard to Y/n getting sick and having to continue working on the mission while trying to recover

“No, I actually think it’s part of the reason I got so sick… because I was so stressed out over everything already and that was like- my final straw” The two laughed softly at Y/n’s slightly dramatic statement. Tatter pouts playfully, yet feels genuine heartache for her two friends.

“Things will get better,  believe me… she misses you, she’s just so fucking stubborn” Tatter grimaced at the thought of her hard-headed leader and how she’s currently refusing to accept her guilt, causing the tiniest saddest smile to show on y/n’s face.

“I should probably get back to my group now…” the younger softly commented looking down somewhat sadly at her shoes. Tatter hugged her without hesitation and felt Y/n tense up at first, but the short girl quickly relaxed and wrapped her arms around the other in return. They said their goodbyes and right as the blonde watched Y/n turn the corner, she felt a tap on her shoulder and whipped around to see her own teammate.

“what took you so long?” Lusher questioned staring down at the still-empty water bottle the girl said she was going to fill up about 15 minutes ago. Tatter hesitated for a second before deciding it was better to just be honest

“...I was talking to Y/n” she watched as her older teammate’s eyes lit up slightly

“Oh? About?” Lusher curiously and somewhat suspiciously inquired, hoping it would be something good and not about how Tatter decided to beat the shit out of the other girl

“Nothing really, just checking in on her…” the two continued their conversation as they finally began heading back towards their hideout

“Oh, so you’re finally done glaring at her? Good!” the blonde laughed rolling her eyes at the older girl’s sarcasm

“Yeah… I apologized for being bitchy and then we talked a bit about how stressed she was and how it didn’t help when she got sick…” Lusher visibly relaxed at the younger dancer's truthful retelling of the conversation, feeling a bit more at peace knowing she wasn’t alone anymore in the “getting Bada to stop hating Y/n” battle

“I still can’t believe she got so worked up and stressed that she ended up in the hospital” Lusher nonchalantly replied, stopping Tatter in her tracks

“What??” the blonde exasperated, stuck a few steps behind behind the older dancer. Lusher looked around, confused for a moment until she remembered that she was the only one who knew

“Oh yeah, Y/n wound up in the hospital almost as soon as they got back to New Zealand. The doctors said she was so overworked and anxious that it was making her physically ill- that’s why she wasn’t allowed to practice or even be in the rehearsal space at time” Lusher briefly explained the whole situation to her teammate, who stood there with her jaw dropped

“How did you even find this out??” Tatter questioned, still baffled. Lusher’s face went from calm to somewhat guilty for a second

“Well… I had been trying to get in contact with Y/n to see how she was doing, but she wasn’t responding to any of my calls or texts. So I texted Latrice and she explained what was going on, and also made me aware that by texting her, I was lowkey stressing Y/n out more…” she finished with an embarrassed smile, knowing that she and Y/n were okay now and that she didn’t have to feel guilty about it anymore. Tatter scoffed in amusement, shaking her head as they both finally entered their team’s room.

“It took you two long enough!”

____________

After everyone had been given a break while Deep n Dap and Wolf’Lo prepared for their elimination battles, they all gathered in the arena for the show. The bright lights and cheers from the audience amped up the energy and had all the other teams extra hyped. 

The first battle was the “hidden battle”, where both teams went head to head as a whole group. Y/n wasn’t expecting more than what she’d usually seen from both groups, but it’s safe to say she was blown away by Deep n Dap’s performance. The song choice and usage of nunchucks really had her getting hyped up, and her normal, energetic self slowly coming back.

The battle to follow was between Chocol and Locker Zee. The young Jam Republic member was fired up, which meant some interesting comments were bound to leave her mouth before passing through her brain

“Bruh it’s so annoying how they’re suddenly so good… like- they were good before but this is AMAZING…” Her entire team side-eyed her, Kirsten and Latrice worried about the show airing what she just said, fearing she could get canceled; the other half trying not to laugh but internally agreed. When the third battle is about to begin and mini walks out and takes off her over shirt showing off her pink jersey, y/n gets excited and points with a smile, since the two are both pink lovers, of course causing her team to smile at her in endearment. When JJ walks out and does the same, y/n starts dying laughing, clapping her hands in amusement along with the rest of her crew. Once the battle starts Mini is the first to dance

“She’s like- actually scary” Y/n jokes around and hides behind Audrey, who laughs and continues to smile just because she’s happy her friend is able to joke around again. The fourth battle was the 5 on 5 and y/n was beginning to get tired of how good both teams were. It felt like things were never going to end, and she was honestly thinking neither team deserved to go home at this point. The fifth battle was another one-on-one with Baby Sleek and Locker Zee, which resulted in another win for Wolf’Lo, bringing the score to 3:2 in favor of Wolf’Lo.

For once, Y/n actually found herself rooting for Deep n Dap, probably because she couldn’t stand Wolf’Lo just as much, or possibly even worse. The sixth battle began, and it was between a duo from each team. Yeni Cho and Haechi came out for the orange team, while JJ and Locker Zee both came out for the green team. Y/n was once again bored by the older team’s presentation, genuinely excited to see what the Deep n Dap duo was about to whip up. 

When their music started and everyone recognized it was Michael Jackson, the energy in the room somehow increased even more. JJ and Locker Zee put on a flawless performance, executing each hit and accent perfectly, making sure to connect with each other and the audience. 

“BRO WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?????” “I DON’T KNOW BUT I NEED MORE OF IT” Audrey and Y/n are literally losing their shit while watching the performance, absolutely obsessed with the duo, hoping to see more of them in the future. As JJ and Locker Zee took the win, it tied up the score once again, bringing them to the final round, which ended up being between the two leaders. This was a battle Y/n was extremely curious about, already not a fan of Halo’s specific style and also aware of Mina Myoung’s incapability to freestyle. But when the music started, she was pleasantly surprised 

“WHAT THE FUCK WHY IS SHE EATING?????” Y/n is so baffled by Mina Myoung’s sudden ability to freestyle efficiently. Y/n stood there, fully back to her normal self (at least for the time being) holding onto her hair with her jaw dropped. To her, the improvement (call it that or desperation) was sickening- it was such a pleasant change that Y/n felt Mina deserved the win just for that alone.

However, the win goes to Halo, giving Wolf’Lo the overall gain of staying in the competition, meaning Deep n Dap was the next team to be eliminated. It’s a bit hard to watch, knowing they truly did try their best. Y/n was doing surprisingly well with not crying- well… until Mina started talking. The leader began her speech and the Jam Republic member was able to avoid tears until Mina brought up how she felt she was able to move on from 1 Million. After that, it was like the floodgates opened up. Don’t ask her why, but Y/n took that shit personally, like a shot straight to the heart. Especially when the Deep n Dap leader mentioned her relationship with Lia Kim, y/n felt her ache for them.

As all teams say their goodbyes to Deep and Dap and said team leaves the studio, filming ends for the day. Everyone is either standing around mingling or heading back to their own hideouts. Jam Republic continues their conversation with Mannequeen when Lusher comes bounding over and wraps her arms around y/n congratulating her, nearly scaring the life out of the small girl. When the younger turns around to see who it is, she once again bursts into tears and clings to her. Lusher feels her heart break even more for her friend yet can’t help but giggle softly at how cute the reaction was. Poor y/n was so scared that Lusher hated her too and it brought her the slightest bit of relief knowing that she didn't

Bada watched from where the rest of team Bebe sat in their designated spot, not even trying to hide her irritation at the situation. She was feeling a mix of annoyance (at both y/n and lusher) and watching the interaction once again sent a wave of guilt rushing through her.

"Ya know you can go congratulate her too…" Tatter spoke up from behind the leader. Bada looked over her shoulder at the blonde and scoffed, but it held no malice- she just sounded exhausted

"And why would I go do that?" the team leader looks over her shoulder with a cold stare and a slight look of disgust at the idea

"well for starters so you can stop getting into arguments with your own teammates-" She did have a point… Bada had been much more irritable since the argument, causing a lot of their practice time to be even more strictly ran

"and two, so you can stop making both her and yourself miserable" Ouch Tatter. Ouch.

“Weren’t you just glaring at her too when we walked in?” Bada rolled her eyes and pouted childishly crossing her arms, causing the other girl to snort and respond

“Yeah, but I talked to her in the hallway… she was in the hospital you know-” Tatter responded as if it were common knowledge or a quick throwaway fact about the girl

“What???” the leader’s eyes widened and she uncrossed her arms leaning forward to make sure she heard the girl correctly

“Yeah… got so worked up and anxious over everything she made herself sick apparently” Tatter shrugged, not having all the proper information. Bada sighed and rolled her eyes

“Seriously? Where‘d you even hear this from?” she pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes, now fully recognizing and admitting to the guilt she’d been suppressing. Tatter hesitated for a second, debating whether or not to mention her small conversation with the girl they were talking about, ultimately deciding not to.

“Lusher” the blonde gave away her source matter-of-factly. Of course, she heard it from Lusher. Bada was beginning to think if she hadn’t made a move on Y/n first, Lusher would’ve easily swooped in and done so. But now that she and Y/n were fighting, did that mean Bada could potentially lose her to the other girl? Lusher was attentive and understanding, closer to Y/n’s age, and had been the first of team Bebe to interact with Y/n… plus she had been in contact with her after the whole incident. The leader tried not to worry about the irrational possibility of her own teammate stealing the girl she was pining after away from her… but it was still a lingering thought nonetheless.

notes: i needed this chapter to be as long as it was just so you guys didn't have to suffer as much in the next chapter🫶

taglist (open) (continued in replies): @tinybada @angel-hyuckie @violetinferno @jesuschrist2006 @1luvkarina @uwulyn @justandloyal2961 @deadgirlwalking3 @squidvoldyvoid @vivzyo @ouhaika @jksjx @ocyeanicc @marianamartinsthings @jxrdxnh @luvjanexx @lorenztired @khjssss @heavenlycloud @loisje123 @starchasermyloves @zhivaxo @grinnwolph @notyourd0lly @stinkbvgs @nermandiiiii-blog @arujee @idontknownemore @thatgayinsomniac @fruitr0llup @cgriffin9797-blog @woooooya @kaaylvst @ssc7514 @astoreea @linda-botello @kpopgirl-97 @erikook @misszoldyc @sammisregrets @jysai @moonsvrse @froufrousnowman @amararosesblog @tikitsune @aestrelle19 @laaaasanielzz @randomhoex @tswisal1 @unpretty-reader @charlesswife @stella222

[libraryraccoon]

Ok I request Azrael x archangel gn reader please (romantic pls)

Gender : GN

Pronouns : None

Message from Raccoon : it's honestly a little hard to write for Azrael because we know nothing of him-

You and Azrael have known each other for a long time, before the Earth was created.

You had to watch over Heaven and make sure everything was okay. Azrael often accompanied you in your task because he wanted an excuse to escape the paperwork.

He often tells you what some souls did when they were alive and how they died, like this demon killed by a hunter and dogs because they thought it was a deer.

You got closer, and what was supposed to happen happened.

You start to date him.

Now that was fun.

Do you know what the “50 questions to see if we approve you for dating our brother” archangels/family of Big G version is ?

No because you felt like you were being questioned for a serious crime and not dating their brother.

3 hours.

All right ? 3 hours of suffering an interrogation for a crime that wasn't a crime. In the end, they accepted you, apparently it went pretty quickly because you knew them..

You don't even want to know how long it would have lasted if you didn't know them before dating Azrael.

You and Azrael flying together is canon.

You fly at least once a week, and when you don't people think there's a problem.

Literally you and Azrael might just don't want to fly the week, but people will think you've broken up.

There are always angels to come and find out why you don't fly together, even after you tell them to stop.

Although it also helps a lot, in the sense that when you argue there are always angels to help you resolve the problem.

Personal/private life who ?

You know how Viv sold us Lillith x Lucifer ? Not what it's like on the show, but how she sold it, the loving couple everyone wants ? Yeah. It's you and Azrael.

Azrael always plays jokes on you, and you play jokes on him in return.

I can just see you starting a never ending prank war, you creating new jokes so it never ends.

You created most of humanity's jokes, Big G once asked how you had so much imagination for this sort of thing.

Hugs. So there, three possibilities :

If you are shorter than him then you are the little spoon,

Or you are the same size and always change from small spoon to big spoon depending on your mood,

Or you're taller and he's the little spoon.

The one who makes the big spoon must always put their wings around the other.

Whenever one of you is sad, the other always puts their wings around the one who is sad, because it's just comforting and brings a kind of sense of security.

Gabriel is your number 1 shipper. You can't tell me otherwise, he was literally the one who managed to bring you together in the first place.

Lucifer wondered how his brother managed to find someone, especially since Azrael had never seemed interested in love before.

Michael threatened to kill you if you ever hurt his brother... you didn't feel like it was a threat but more of a warning.

You’re glad he never heard about your little arguments.

Despite your little arguments which are rare, you and Azrael are THAT couple that everyone wants.

I just know that some angels come to ask you how you manage to have such a perfect/good couple.

I can see Azrael being sarcastic, so if you are too, know that you are the threat couple from Heaven.

(Second) Message from Raccoon : Writing for a character that we haven't see/know anything about them is so hard ?? I never suspect it to be that hard tbh.

[miabebe]

Where you're convenient (II)

Scenario - Yes it was circumstances that forced these arrangements but why was it that at its breaking point, all you want to do is hold on to it?

Pairing - Husband! Seokmin × reader

Word Count - 11K (oh yeah I'm insane)

Warnings - oral (f recieving), fingering, unprotected sex (well there's babies wanted here so), riding, cum eating

A/n -  part 2 is finally here! These keep getting longer idk why 😭 I'm gonna take a small break and shift attention to my series before I return for part 3 (woozi)!

P.s all 3 parts are not related, they can be read individually, they simply share the same trope of marriage of convenience which I'm an absolute sucker for 🙃 Read Joshua's here!

The moment Seokmin’s eyes fell on the entrance of the overpriced restaurant, he knew exactly why his sister insisted on this meeting.

Sighing deeply, he parked his car in a vacant lot and ran his fingers through his untamed hair, glancing at his reflection of the mirror. There was no need to look his best for this meeting, just presentable would do - afterall, he was not here to impress. Grabbing the bag you handed him earlier today, he made his way in, eyes falling on his sister and her company - a pretty woman, definitely around his age since clearly, this was yet another attempt to set him up on a date.

He greeted them with his usual sweet smile before hugging his devil of a sister, whispering a bunch of obscene words in her ear which she coolly ignored, habituated to his reaction to such meetings over time. Although he was already prepared to leave, he slid across the boxes of cupcakes you made and took a seat, pulling out his phone, while his sister raved to her friend about how you made the best cupcakes in the world.

Seokmin 17:48: Just met Minseo. Should be home in an hour. Traffic's really bad.

And then his sister began her usual business of introducing her friend to him, then him to her, then mentioning how 'surprisingly' the two of them were so similar, subtly hinting how they would be so compatible.

Seokmin rolled his eyes, familiar with this drill, listening to her blabber with a struggling, polite smile. This was quite a frequent occurrence - every now and then Minseo would bring a friend or colleague to introduce them, afraid that her useless brother would die single given how uninterested he was in dating. Today's friend was Sumi, her colleague from the first ever company she worked in, who was apparently his age, recently single, also loved pizza and working out. Barely interested in the ongoing conversation, Seokmin kept glancing at his phone time and again, relieved when it finally buzzed.

You 18:04: Okay, have fun with MinSeo, tell her I said hi!

You 18:04: Also, look at this [attachment]

It was a photo of Aera, her mouth, hands and clothes covered in a light pink frosting as she laughed at the camera both innocently and mischievously.

You 18:05: I swear to god, I can't look away from her for a second.

"Are you even listening Min-ah?

Seokmin looked up at both ladies staring at him with a tinge of annoyance and turned his phone to show them the picture that was making him smile so ridiculously. Instantly, they broke out into a series of awws and little praises making his heart swell with pride. That was his daughter afterall.

"Isn't she the cutest?" Sumi looked up from his phone. "She's two and a half right?"

"Actually she's 2 years and 10 months." Seokmin took back his phone, taking another look at the love of his life. "Born in May."

"A Taurus baby?"

"Gemini." He corrected. "Last week of May."

"She must be quite the troublemaker huh?"

"You have no idea." Seokmin laughed typing a reply.

Seokmin 18:08: What have you done to my sweet angel?

"Shall we order food first?" Minseo picked the menu card. "What about pizza-"

"Not for me." Seokmin shook his head. "I'm not eating. In fact, I have to leave soon."

"Min-ah, come on, you're seeing me after so long-"

"I literally saw you last week, at mum's place."

"But it's your first time meeting Sumi, don't be rude."

Seokmin turned to her friend. "I'm sorry, I would stay longer but I haven't seen my daughter all day and I'm sure there's food at home already." He glanced at his sister before turning back. "I don't know if you know, but my wife makes really good food, she's a chef."

"A pastry chef." His sister corrected. "I mean no one makes desserts better than her but you're the better cook. "

You 18:10: Angel? She's the devil spawn, this little thing.

Seokmin 18:11: Are you calling me the devil? How dare you

"Maybe," He looked up from his phone. "But I always eat dinner made by my wife."

Minseo rolled her eyes yet again, but Sumi nodded understandingly. When the two women discussed for 20 whole minutes, finally placed an order for themselves and Sumi excused herself to the washroom, Seokmin turned to his sister.

"Why won't you give up?"

"Why won't you give in?"

"Because, everyone you try to set me up with is not my type.."

"Really?" Minseo raised an eyebrow. "What about Sumi is not your type? You two are literally the same people."

"Yeah well, did you see her nails? Clearly she loves manicures and stuff like that."

His sister blinked, lost. "And that's a problem because?"

"I have a child you idiot, I can't have those claws around her?"

"So she'll stop getting them done. That should solve your issue."

"I don't want anyone to change themselves or give up on things they like because of me."

"I'm about to kick your ass Lee Seokmin." She muttered angrily. "I have tried to set you up with all kinds of women yet no one is good enough. What do you want Min-ah?"

"What do you want? Why do you keep dragging me to these-"

"Because I want to see you happy!"

"I am happy!"

"Say what you want Seokmin, that's not a happy marriage."

He sighed. "What problem do you have with Y/n?"

"With Y/n?" She looked at him perplexed. "Not one damn thing. In fact when you leave her, I might just ask her to marry me, I love that woman so much. The question is......do you?"

Seokmin blinked, not finding the words. Love? Sure he had a crush on you a couple of years ago but to be honest, nearly everyone did. He was in his final year of culinary school when he caught sight of you at the freshers party, walking in in that tight silver dress, looking like a dream. Rumor was you already had a boyfriend so Seokmin simply introduced himself and walked away, letting that little crush of his fade over time. Soon after, he successfully graduated, got a job at a Michelin star restaurant and life was good until he met you again, almost 4 years later at an alumni party.

Now, did Seokmin still have a crush on you? He didn't know really, he didn't even have the time to sort his feelings, not when you were giving him the flirtiest eyes, hands and body moving not very decently on the dance floor and especially not when you dragged him by the collar to a nearby room and the two of you fucked for hours.

"You always go silent when I ask you this Min-ah. It's a simple yes or no question."

Minseo looked expectedly at her brother who had now diverted his attention to the notification bar and time on his phone - you had still not replied to him. Panic slightly bubbled in his chest. Was something wrong?

He quickly downed the glass of water before of him and grabbed his bag.

"I'm sorry noona, I should head home. I think Y/n needs me."

Before she could reply, he dropped a kiss on her forehead and ran out to the parking, leaving his sighing sister behind. Through the glass she watched her brother rush away in his car, wondering how many more of such set ups it would take before he admitted what he felt for you.

Though Seokmin wanted to get back home as soon as possible, with all that traffic, all he could do was wait, fingers tapping on the wheel, mind getting restless. It was not like you to take so long to reply, he knew that much. Sinking back into the car seat, he glanced out at the streets that he no longer walked down ever since he became a father. The life of leisure he once lived was no longer a possibility because now he lived only for his daughter. And you.

It wasn't a part of his life plan to become a father so young but apparently, things have their own way of panning out. He was supposed to become a famous chef, open his own chain of restaurants, establish himself as a successful businessman and retire by 45. Instead, he found himself getting a phone call from an unknown number about 2 months after that fateful night of the alumni party. It was you.

It was indeed strange that you asked to meet up at your workplace considering the two of you had made it very clear to each other that this was a one time thing, but he went regardless. Over a cup of coffee and a piece of cake you broke the news that you were pregnant and the child was his. Now Seokmin knew condoms were not 100% effective but that night the two of you had used quite a few of them, given how many rounds went down.

You told him you were going to have the child and if he wanted, he could be a part of the baby's life too. Of course he wanted to, even though this entirely threw off his life plan, of course he would be a part of his child's life, there was no question. Seokmin had grown up without the presence of a father his whole life and he knew what the felt like - there was not a chance he would let that child go through the same as well. So he told you he was there for whatever you needed and however you needed him.

The first trimester was quite uneventful. Seokmin had barely seen you after that meeting in the cafe - the two of you would just keep in touch via texts. He would check up to make sure you were eating on time and that the morning sickness wasn't too much. You would simply answer his questions and thank him. But you didn't ever ask much of him.

By your second trimester, he had moved into the building across yours so he could be near you for anything you wanted and everything you needed. He helped drive you to and from your prenatal visits, did grocery runs whenever you worked too late, carried your bags and boxes up the stairs. It was all on his own though, you still had asked for any favours.

The first thing you had ever asked of him was nearly a month later, around the 7th month of your pregnancy. In the middle of a rainy night, with a small bag slung over your shoulder, you had knocked on this door, mildly drenched and shivering. Seokmin instantly panicked even though you repeatedly assured him you were alright. The problem was your dick of an ex boyfriend, constantly knocking down your front door leaving you no choice but to take the fire escape and come here. That man had been behind you for months, insisting you take him back into your life, not taking no for an answer. His persistence had forced you to even change homes and numbers over the last year but now somehow, he had managed to find you again. You asked if you could stay here for a day or two till he stopped bothering you and Seokmin immediately agreed. He had no idea you were going through all this.

One day turned to two and two became a week. Seokmin had now began accompanying you almost everywhere, constantly keeping an eye on your surroundings and it was a miracle he hadn't landed a punch on that slime ball of an ex of yours. That man would harass and embarrass you publicly, he would turn up drunk at the doorstep and create a scene, throwing up and passing out, he would follow you to your workplace and just sit in the store hours on end. Things became exponentially worse when he found out that you and Seokmin were not in fact in a relationship, just expecting a child together - he went ballistically crazy with his attempts to get you back.

Panic rose in Seokmins chest just thinking about those days years ago, hoping to god everything was fine at home. He glanced at his phone again as he parked his car and rushed out, bolting up the stairs, unable to wait for the lift. When he opened the door of his apartment, toys and books and things were scattered everywhere, in the middle of the living room, a bunch of disorganised chairs and sheets haphazardly thrown around.

Seokmin slowly and quietly approached the mess pushing everything aside, heart racing in his chest, thoughts plaguing his mind till he spotted you and his little girl, fast asleep in what was clearly a blanket fort, making him sigh in relief. Your phone was lying next to you and Aera was lying on top, head snuggled in your chest, raising and falling rhythmically. You looked so beautiful tired, sleeping with your hair askew and mouth slightly open - seeing the mess all around, Seokmin knew it must have been one of Aera's uncontrollably active days. He smiled at the way your arm protectively wrapped around her and how she clung onto you - watching the two of you together was always his favourite thing to do. But he knew it must hurt to carry her weight on top for so long so he slowly crouched and quietly tried to take his daughter into his arms but the moment he lifted her-

"Daddy!"

Seokmin laughed as his girl, now somehow fully awake, began excitedly moving in his arms in a little dance to welcome him home, giggling away. He stood up, hugging her back and peppering her tiny face with kisses as she proceeded to sing loudly in joy. (She truly did take after him.) He watched her amused, trying to make out what in the world she was saying, when you let out a soft groan, making him turn. As you stretched awake, yawning and sighing, eyes slowly fluttering open, flashing him a sleepy smile, Seokmin felt his heart flip in his chest.

"Why, why, why doesn't your daughter sleep Mr. Lee?"

He chuckled. "I think she takes after you Ms. L/n."

"Oh no no, I was always the obedient child in the house. Your sister told me you were the troublemaker."

"You're calling this cutie a troublemaker?" Seokmin scrunched the cheeks of his daughter earning the cutest laugh. "She looks like the best baby in the world to me."

You sighed, getting up and rubbing soft circles her tummy.

"You're always gonna be daddy's baby girl aren't you?"

You could too if you want to.

Seokmin ignored his stupid mind voice and glanced at your tired self, slightly worried. "How was your day?"

"Decent." You smiled. "I was working on orders in the morning - there was a baby shower I had to cater for in the afternoon. I swear, I stepped out into the balcony to take a call for literally 5 minutes and your 'best' baby here had lathered herself in all the frosting I made. Then I had to sit make another batch while while the sugar turned your daughter into a hyperactive destruction machine. She didn't even sleep in the afternoon and I had just managed to get her to sleep when..."

"Sorry." Seokmin gushed sheepishly. "I thought I was helping-"

"No, no thats okay, she needs to bathe and eat anyways. Better you wake her up, she gets all cranky otherwise."

Seokmin dropped a sweet kiss on his child's cheek as she continued to search for something in his ear lobe with utmost seriousness.

"How was your day? How's Minseo?"

"Oh same old, just complaining about her kids and mom, the usual." He didn't need you to know the exact details of what happened. Not when it didn't matter to him anyways. "She said she had dinner prepared at home so we didn't really eat anything."

"Oh no, you must be so hungry? I have a few orders to pack for tomorrow, let me quickly finish that up, then we can do dinner yeah?"

Seokmin nodded as you walked away to the kitchen, sleep barely shaken away.

The good thing about Seokmin's apartment was the large pantry, which when you first came to this house was merely a storeroom but over time, it had become your working station. After you had graduated, given your sweet tooth, you had travelled around, meeting different chefs, taking small courses and mastered the art of dessert making. Not only did that trip help get away from and over your ex boyfriend but it had also solidified your skill set as a pattisier. After coming back to Seoul, an old senior and friend had contacted you, offering you a job in her bakery cafe till you worked on your own business plan and all was going well till that alumni party.

Sure, when Seokmin introduced himself to you in your freshmen year you thought he was possibly the most gorgeous person you'd ever laid your eyes on. He didn't seem too interested in you and that was fine, given you were already in a relationship with your high school boyfriend. Meeting him again, so many years later, finding out he had gotten oh so much hotter and having suffered a dry spell for so long, you had managed to somehow get into his pants for what was the best night you had ever had. You had quite literally fucked him out of your mind, and were happily moving on with your life when the news of the pregnancy hit.

You did go to work in the initial months but as the third trimester approached, it was hard to balance your wellbeing and the strain that came from working. Your boss was kind enough to let you keep your job and that's how for the last 2 odd years, you found yourself working from home, only preparing and delivering on custom orders the shop received, allowing you to keep both your passion alive and make decent money.

"I was going to give Aera a bath-"

"Okay!"

"-but the neighbours kids want to take her downstairs to play."

Normally, you wouldn't let her go down when it was late and dark outside but she needed to get that sugar out of her system and you needed to be alone with Seokmin for a bit. There was something you wanted to talk to him for a while now.

The giggles of your daughter faded in the background as Seokmin walked into the kitchen, pulling out a tub of something from his bag.

"I'm going to make the best ravioli you've ever had for dinner."

You smiled watching him wash up and put on an apron, getting ready to bustle away in the kitchen. You loved watching Seokmin cook - there was something so elegant and attractive about how well he navigated around while cooking, smoothly chopping and stirring away. He never let you make dinner. Though he slogged in the kitchen restaurant from day break till the evening cooking away, Seokmin never let you cook when he was home. He'd say you didn't have to worry about it when he was there. Actually, as long as he was around, you never worried about anything.

You didn't think there would come a point where Seokmin would become your partner for life but here you are. Years ago, when your ex was tormenting you, you had contemplated just moving out of the city but it was Seokmin who held your hand and asked you to face him bravely. You did, you really tried, but it didn't matter when the other man was such a terrible pain in the ass - nothing changed. It was then that Seokmin’s mother suggested that the two of you get married, hoping that would settle things once and for all but you refused.

As idealistic as that seemed, it was never your intention to bind Seokmin with you in such a permanent relationship but he didn't seem to think so. If a marriage was what it would take to keep his child safe, he was willing to do it. It took a few more months, a few more threats from your ex and a reasonable suggestion from your sister for you to finally agree to it. Within a few days the two of you were married with a set of promises said out loud and a set of them silently agreed upon

One, this would be an open marriage - two of you were free to see and be with other people and two, 3 years later, you would reassess where this relationship stood and what it's future would be.

You had agreed on this arrangement for Seokmin more than for yourself. Once you gave birth, you knew you'd be busy with your child and work, but you didn't want Seokmin to feel trapped because of one night's decision. True enough, after Aera came along, you didn't even have the time to look at another man, forget thinking about one. Sometimes you wondered if Seokmin found someone but from the intel that had reached you, it didn't seem like he had. He'd always come home immediately after work, he didn't usually go out anywhere on the weekends, his friends always complained to you that they never saw him around - Seokmin spent every breathing minute he had free with his daughter.

You glanced at the calendar hanging on the wall beside Seokmin for the nth time this month, noting each day that your wedding anniversary was approaching. It would soon be time to reevaluate your marriage with him but if you didn't find anyone and if he didn't find anyone, you wondered what he thought about your idea. One that you had been nurturing for a while now.....

Seokmin could feel your eyes burning into his back and knew you wanted to say something. By the time he walked into the kitchen you were already done with your orders which meant the last 20 minutes he spent cooking, you were simply lost in thought about something. Something Seokmin had a feeling he knew.

Ever since a month ago, when the restraining order against your ex was finally approved and the threat on you had been lifted, Seokmin had a gnawing feeling about the future of this relationship. You were not interested in a marriage to begin with, now you didn't have a reason to continue in it either. That could only mean one thing - you were going to leave him. The time had come.

Seokmin held his breath as you approached him,

"Seokmin, I was thinking...."

Please don't say you wanna leave me. Please don't say it. Please don't say it.

"It's been almost 3 years since we've gotten married and had Aera. She's not all grown up yet, but she's grown up quite a bit and....."

Please. Please. Please.

"I was thinking maybe it's time we...."

Seokmin took a deep breath preparing himself. This was it.

"Get a cat or something?"

Seokmin turned to you surprised. "A what?"

"A cat, or a dog if you prefer that, any pet actually."

"So you're not leaving me?"

"Huh?"

"I mean" Seokmin mentally smacked himself, rambling to his defence. "You're.... leaving that decision to me? To get a pet? Why? I mean why a pet, I mean why so suddenly?"

You sighed, leaning against the counter. "Aera constantly needs me around because she gets bored. She's young, she needs company and I'm hoping a pet can give her that? I mean obviously the better option would be if we.... I mean if she....."

Seokmin looked at you confused. "If she?"

Well, fingers crossed, here we go.

"I don't know, could have a sibling? Kids need company to grow up and I think it would be nice if Aera could have a little brother or sister....."

Seokmin stared at you, his expression unreadable before his voice softened, leaving him uncertain. "Do you really want that? Another child?"

"I think I'm ready for another one?..... if you want one that is." You add quickly. "I don't want you to feel compelled or anything. We can still just get a pet-"

"No..." Seokmin shook his head, clearing his throat before continuing. "I don't mind. I don't mind having another child. It's just....I don't know how complicated the adoption process is-"

"Oh." You scratched the back of your neck. This conversation was a lot harder than you had anticipated. "I wasn't thinking about adoption actually..... I mean it's great and everything but I was thinking more of a child of my own..... our child."

Seokmin blinked rapidly. "O-ours?"

"I mean we already have one together, I think it'll be a lot less complicated if I were to have another one that.....you be the father?" 

.

.

.

That would not make anything less complicated.

"Your silence is scaring me Seokmin. There's no compulsion, it's only if you want. I might be the one giving birth but your preference matters too. If you don't want this then we'll just forget this conversation ever happened."

It was ridiculous you thought he might not want a future, a bigger family with you when he had been dreaming of this for the last 3 years.

"I love Aera more than anything in this world. If I could have another child that's part me, especially if it'll make Aera happy, of course I'd want that. It's just...."

"What?"

"How...." He refused to meet your questioning eyes. "How are you and supposed to.....you know?"

"Oh." Of course there would be a discussion about the process and of course you're flushed a violent shade of pink. "I uh looked into that, there's a few fertility clinics here that do a procedure called IUI, intrauterine insemination or something like that, basically it's an artifical process of.....sex?"

"Ah....." He nods slowly. "That sounds-"

You wanted to know what he's thinking, you wanted to know what he wanted but the doorbell rang, pulling you away from the conversation. Knowing the delivery person was here for today's orders you quickly excused yourself and turned your attention to your work, bringing out the orders, taking them down to load the van. By the time you're done and ready to listen to him again, Seokmin has already finished up in the kitchen and has his eyes glued to his phone.

He didn't acknowledge your presence, which is rather odd because Seokmin is always so reactive to you. Realising that he was perhaps not comfortable or in a disagreement with the discussion, you decided to end it and not being it up anymore. Instead, you resorted to cleaning up the mess in the living room, pointlessly might I add, for within minutes, your daughter came barging in, done with her playtime, ready to make a mess again. Before she could topple over the box of toys, Seokmin appeared out of nowhere, swooping her into this arms, protecting your just cleaned zone. He flashed you a smile, continuing to play a game of Aera-plane with her as you hugged your knees and watched them.

Seokmin was a great father and that was the reason you wanted to have another child with him. That and the fact that he was also a great person - one could scour the whole earth and not find a man even half as good as him. Though you had entered this marriage with the idea that it could end anytime, with each passing day, that turned into a strange fear - a fear of him leaving you, especially now that you and Aera were no longer in danger. When even your marriage could not keep your ex away from you, Seokmin decided to take things in a legal direction to finally get him out of the way. Now that all of that was successfully done, the number of things binding this marriage had reduced.

When you discussed the idea of having another baby with your sister, she asked if this was an attempt to add to the list of reasons keeping this marriage together. Oh hell no. If anything it was the exact opposite. Having another child with Seokmin would only lead to one thing - you falling in love with him all over again and him not feeling the same for you yet again. It would make ending this relationship, whenever the time came for it, that much harder. But you knew for Aera this decision made sense - it was only for her sake.

Seokmin and Aera had now switched to the game of Aera-train, the two of them crawling all around the space on their knees, making you laugh at their antics. You grabbed your little girl and pulled her into your lap, smothering her cute face with kisses as she wriggled in your grip. Exhausted, Seokmin lied down beside you, mouthing a thank you.

"How much more playtime is it going to take before you burn all that sugar missy?"

"Hide and seek!" Aera clapped, still not understanding how exhausted the two of you were. "You and daddy hide, I count."

"Aera, you need to shower-"

Not listening, she slipped out of your lap, plastering herself against at wall, closing her eyes.

"One, two-"

"Sweetheart-"

"Seven, ten, twelve-"

Seokmin looked up. "Who the hell is teaching her numbers?"

"Thirty, forty-"

Laughing you quickly pulled Seokmin to his feet, the two of your scrambling to find a place to hide and in the hurry, settling in the tiny gap between the closet and the bathroom, bodies pressed against each other. As the laughter faded, you realised just how close you were, faces inches apart, breath held and heart racing.

Hearts.

With your hands pressed against his pecs, you could feel his racing too.

"Should have hidden in different places huh" Seokmin whispered, earning a short nod from you.

"It's too late. We're stuck, I guess."

Seokmin couldn't tell what exactly you were talking about, somehow it's different. You gulped the phantom lump in your throat, trying to look away but there's only so much you could look at around you. When you looked at him again, he was lost in thought.

"What are you thinking?"

"I uh." Seokmin cleared his throat. "I was reading up about this Intra- thing."

Oh. So the conversation wasn't done. "Uh huh."

"It's expensive."

"Yeah it is...." You had already done all the research for it of course. "Which sucks because it doesn't have a very high chance of success either."

"Not to mention, it requires many tests and appointments."

"Yeah, it would interupt with both our work schedules too."

"Exactly.....so I'm not sure if it's really the best option for us?"

You looked at him straight in the eye. What was going on in his head? Why was a completely wild thought entering your head?

You nodded slowly. "Maybe we should look into the alternatives. Try and do a little more research?"

"And find an option that's affordable, efficient, and not very time consuming."

"That would be ideal.....I wonder what that could be."

Both of you knew what it could be. Both of you knew exactly what it could be.

"The only way I can think of is," You tried not to let your voice shake. "The way everyone usually does this...."

Seokmin frowned, "There are other ways?"

How could a man this fine be this stupid?

"The way we already made a child Seokmin."

Just the memory of that night sends blood rushing down Seokmin’s body. That was not an event of loving baby making.

"You want to do t-that again?"

Your stomach literally wanted to hurl its contents. "Do you?"

"I mean," He could feel the sweat drip down the groove of his back. "If that's the best way to have another child. It does seem like the practical, logical, reasonable choice."

"Yeah..." You met his eyes, hoping to god he could tell you were lying. "That's the only reason why...."

The thick, unresolved tension makes you shiver, prompting you to shift in the space, and Seokmin's arms immediately grabbed you at the waist to keep you steady - he was terrified that the secret in his pants would expose him for what he truly was.....absolutely and fatally, gone for you.

If you had ever given him even the slightest indication that you wanted him, Seokmin knew for a fact that he would have given you a whole lot of babies by now - there was nothing more he wanted than a life and a family with you. But you only ever smiled at him sweetly, never letting on anything further and Seokmin was okay with that too. He was okay with whatever you wanted. Now you wanted him to put another baby in you and he had no idea how he was going to stay sane doing that. Or after that.

"Speaking of which...." You pulled away from him, looking concerned. "Where's the child we already made?"

It had to have been a while by now and Aera was usually much better than this at hide and seek, making the two of you panic and rush out of your hiding space, calling out to her. In less than a minute, Seokmin found her curled up in the couch fast asleep, snoring away.

You groaned. "She hasn't showered or eaten-"

"Shh, it's okay." Seokmin crouched beside her, attempting to carry her to her bed. "We can just-"

"Caught you!"

Much to Seokmin's disappointment, your daughter jumped out of the couch, kicking her feet, ecstatic that she had him fooled. You covered your mouth so Seokmin could not see you struggling to hold back your laughter as Aera ran around chanting, caught you, caught you.

"Well isn't she a smartass." You noted, trying to soothe his annoyance.

"Yeah, we need to stop letting her hang out with Yoon Jeonghan." He muttered as he picked up his running daughter, seating her on the side of his hip, squeezing her cheeks. "And I caught you so now playtime is over. It's shower time, you little pig."

Aera whined, trying to reach for you to save her and you stepped back. "No, no, you've done enough today. You've to sleep soon-"

"Not sleepy." She groaned, snuggling her head into Seokmin’s neck, as he walked away, shaking his head.

"You're not gonna let mommy and daddy sleep tonight are you?"

You froze in the middle of the hall hearing his words.

Tonight?

You were not really sure what came over you when you suggested having sex again to make another baby. Maybe it was the proximity of the space or the fact that he was already so on board with the idea or just because you've been wanting to jump this man for 3 years now. You don't really know. You didn't know how you were even going to sleep with him just one more time. Or how to handle things after that. Maybe this was a terrible idea.

Of course it was a terrible idea. And it was only further proven when you grabbed Aera's night clothes and walked into the bathroom to find both father and daughter settled in the bathtub, engaged in a waterfight, making you raise your eye brows in question.

"She put water all over me!" Seokmin justified as Aera covered her face in soap bubbles, hiding from you. "It's not my fault, she insisted I get in with her."

Yes but why did he have to take his shirt off for that? And why did your eyes have to follow those little rivets of water running down his bicep and chest? You tore your gaze away from him and quickly pulled your child out of the tub, and the moment you set her down, she giggled and bolted, making you sigh.

"I'm banning sugar in this house." Seokmin laughed.

"She usually gets sleepy after a meal." You threw him a towel too and looked away as he caught it. "Shouldn't disturb us too much tonight."

Seokmin stared at you as you left. Tonight?

You wanted to do this tonight? Hell no. He needed time. He needed to convince himself to not let this one time raises his hopes, to not let himself fall more miserably in love with you. How was he ever going to do that? Everything you did only made him that much more whipped for you. Even now, after he washed himself up and walked out, he saw you softly drying Aera's hair, singing her favourite song, and leaned against the door frame, smiling fondly. Just the thought of another child, part you part him, running across this space made his heart swell with joy. He really wanted that.

When you meet his eye and smiled, he returned it, ignoring his racing heart and walked off to heat the sauces for dinner - a non spicy one for Aera and another spicy one for the two of you. Your eyes followed him, noticing that he had donned a new pair of grey sweatpants which were hanging low on his hips, coupled with a white tank top that was doing a terrible job of hiding his pecs. God this man wanted to end you.

By the time you put Aera in her baby chair, he had already set everything on the table and true to his word it is the best damn ravioli in the world.  You told him that and that was all the conversation that took place - dinner was unusually silent. Maybe because the both of you had the same set of thoughts running through your minds, both apprehensive about what would go down in the coming few hours. Even Aera had noticed the silence, her head turning between the two of you, her expression confused all through dinner. Yawning, she watched her parents awkwardly move around each other in the kitchen, even more polite and formal than they usually were as they cleaned it up.

You left Seokmin to put Aera to sleep as you headed to the shower to wash up for the night. Staring at the mirror, you stripped out of your clothes, observing everything that had changed over the last three years - you hadn't really cared for the post pregnancy effects on your body but somehow today you were feeling conscious. Taking a deep breath you convinced yourself that it was fine - that this was a one time thing anyways, that this was just to procreate, nothing else. Still, you quickly shaved yourself, used your best smelling soap and wore a new night suit - a pink one, with tiny flowers all over the shirt and shorts.

By the time you returned, Seokmin had already put Aera to sleep and settled in front of the TV, ready to play the next episode of masterchef, the one show the two of you being professionals thoroughly enjoyed. You wondered if you has misread his statement and had unnecessarily readied yourself for tonight and contemplated changing into something different when Seokmin sensed your presence behind him and asked you to hurry up. Biting your lip out of embarrassment, you walked over and settled down on the other end of the couch where you usually sat, not noticing the way his eyes trailed down your body before gulping and looking away.

"You're wearing a new nightsuit." He observed, avoiding mentioning that he also noticed you smelt different than usual - sweeter, more addicting.

"You're wearing a new trackpant too." You added so it didn't seem like you were the only one who was prepared for tonight.

"I.... didn't really notice. Just grabbed the first thing I could find and..." Lies. Pure lies. Seokmin deliberately wore the most loose sweatpants he could find hoping to god it would hide the raging boner he was housing between his legs. Even though he had already jerked off prior to showering to avoid being caught, he knew just the thought of what might happen tonight was enough to bring it back and sure enough, just your scent was enough to do that. He pulled a pillow onto his lap, starting the episode to divert the topic.

As the show continued, the two of you did your usual drill of discussing the recipes, how you'd do it differently and what he'd change to improve it. The thought hadn't stopped running in the back of your mind though, about whether tonight was indeed the night. About who was going to bring it up, how you were going to do....it.

"That guy, he's got a great future as a pattisier." Seokmin pointed at the screen. "If he ever opens a shop, I bet his dessert will be some of the most in demand in the city." He turned to you smiling. "Unless you enter the business. Then nobody stands a chance."

You laughed a little sadder than you intended to. "Having my own business feels like a once upon a dream now. With Aera now, I'm not sure how I can handle a whole business by myself-"

"Of course you won't be by yourself. I'll be there, with you, for you." He tilted his head. "Always."

"You've always wanted to have a restaurant of your own too. What about your dream?"

"I'm already working in one of the best restaurants in thr city. I'm living half of it already. I wish you could live yours too."

How did he always place you before him? Why was he always so good to you?

You turned to face him, leaning against the handrest. "What if we both had one dream? We could open a small business of our own which could feature both my desserts and your food."

"That would work." Seokmin nodded. "But it would require an extensive kitchen, we both need a ton of very different equipment, a lot more investment and time on our hands too. I mean if both of us are busy, with not fixed working hours, who'll take care of the kid?" He paused for a moment before reminding himself and you. "Kids."

Your heart felt like it was in your mouth.

"If they're of school going age, it shouldn't be so hard to handle should it?"

He mirrored your posture, more interested in the prospect now that it seemed possible and you continued.

"I wanted to have my own shop by the time I was 30, which means we have another 6 years for that. Aera will start going to school when she's 5, so there's another 2 years for that."

"Which means if we want our second child to also be of school going age by that time then we should have one by....." Seokmin did the math on his fingers. "Early next year."

You nodded, doing math of your own. "Given it will take 9 months to get one out, it means I have to get pregnant by latest...."

"March." Seokmin concluded, staring at his hands. "Which is this month."

Fuck.

"And given the best time to get pregnant is when I'm most fertile and that's..." You glanced at the date on your phone screen and looked up at him just as he lifted his head. "Now."

The two of you stared at each other in the silence as the end credits of the episode rolled on the screen, the next one waiting to be played.

"Is..." Seokmin took a deep breath. "Is that the future you really want? Running a business together, having 2 kids.... us?"

You really really really wanted that.

You nodded slowly. "If you want it too."

Seokmin took a whole minute to stare at the floor before turning off the TV, submerging the two of you in the dimness of the night lights.

"I do." He tossed the remote aside, slowly meeting your eye. "So, we do this.... right now?"

You glanced around the house. "Well, we are done for the day. All we have left to do is head to bed....."

Fuck, fuck, fuck, this was really happening?

"Wait," Seokmin panicked. "I don't have any condoms, I'll need to buy-."

"Lee Seokmin."

Oh no. "Yeah?" Had he messed up already? Did you not want to any more?

"We're trying to have a baby."

"I know....." and when the realisation hit, Seokmin felt all the blood leave his brain and shoot straight to his dick.

"So I..... so we're....I'm gonna do this raw?"

You looked at him, just a little amused. "That's kinda how getting pregnant works."

"What if you don't get pregnant?"

"Considering I got pregnant even when we did it with condoms, I don't know if that's going to be such a huge problem."

"Things don't always work out the same right? What if you don't get pregnant?"

"Then....we're going to have to do this till I get pregnant."

"This as in I...." Seokmin held his breath. "We have sex raw and...."

Your stomach flipped inside you. "And you come inside me, yes"

"I'm gonna fucking die." He muttered under his breath.

"Huh?"

He looked at your confused face, having not heard him. If you were going to let him re-live this, you deserved it too.

"Well, we have to do this right."

"What right?"

Seokmin ran his hand through his hair knowing he was digging his own grave with this.

"Come here." He tossed the pillow aside and held his hand out, pulling you closer as you took it, guiding you to straddle his lap. Both of you let out a soft groan as you felt his hard length under you and he could feel how soaked you were, through both your shorts and his pants.

"I know we're doing this to get you pregnant but when was the last time you...." slept with someone.

"With you." You confessed. "3 years ago."

Seokmin nodded slowly. "Then it's only right I make sure you feel good."

"What about you?" You stared at his collar bone instead, absentmindedly playing with the fabric of his tank top, wondering what the answer would be. Dreading what it would be.

"With you."

You looked up a little surprised. "You didn't see anyone else? In 3 years?"

"You didn't either."

"I didn't have the time."

"And I didn't have the need." He looked at you so earnestly, you wanted to bury this man in you and never let him go. "I'm happy with my life. I'm happy with Aera, I'm...." He smiled softly. "I'm happy with you. I'm not seeking anything else."

You cupped his cheek, running your thumb across the bone. How did you get so lucky?

"Seokmin." He hummed as you let your hands wrap around his neck. "Hurry up and put a baby inside me."

Groaning, he hooked his hands under your thighs, lifting you into his arms with surprising ease. Moving to the room with soft footfall and gently dropping you onto the bed, he watched as looked at him, pupils blown, reminding him of that night all those years ago. Fuck he really wanted to be inside you.

"Move back." He tapped your leg, clambering on the bed slowly as you obeyed, scooting behind, letting him slide his fingers between the elastic of your shorts. "Up."

As you raised your hips, he pulled down both your shorts and your panties in one go, leaving you feeling both strangely exposed and admired.

"You didn't have to." He muttered and you know he's talking about you shaving as he ran his hands up and down your thighs softly, before meeting your eye. "You're unbelievably beautiful, no matter what." A shiver ran down your spine as he leaned to drop a small kiss on your belly.

"Seokmin please..." You whined, pulling him up, unable to take the wait anymore. "Please just...."

"You don't have to beg sweetheart." He dropped another kiss on your forehead, then your jaw. "Let me make you feel good first, then I'll fill you up." His finger slipped between your soaked folds. "....and then again, just to be sure."

You let out the most unholy moan as his words shot straight to your core and his fingers easily found your clit, drawing soft circles, driving you insane in all ways possible. Seokmin looked at you with the softest eyes, laced with a hint of undeniable desire, like he was craving you. "Is it okay if I go down on you?"

Okay? It took all the sanity left in you to nod slowly, like you weren't eagerly throbbing just at the thought of it.

As you propped yourself on your elbows, he slowly slid down between your legs, pulling them over this shoulders, holding back a groan at the sight of the wet mess you'd made - you were dripping and he revelled in it. Eyes still locked with yours, his tongue ran up your folds, making you grip the sheets below, mouth falling open in a not so silent sigh. Fuck you hadn't been touched properly in so long and the fact that it was Seokmin again of all people was making it so much better. You'd been wanting him for way too long now.

"You need to keep it down baby." It took everything in you to turn the moan that left you into a whimper. How on earth were you supposed to that when he was saying such things??? "Our daughter is asleep next door."

You nod hurriedly, lacing your hand through his thick hair, as he went down on your again, smiling against your skin. He knew you needed him, badly, and God he wanted you so much too, he wanted you in entirely.

His nose brushed against your clit, making you almost writhe at the overstimulation, stopped only by the tight grip of his hands around your thighs. Unable to grab much of the sheets with your free hand, you slid it under your shirt, grabbing a boob, squeezing it pathetically as Seokmin watched you, nearly coming in his pants. Maybe one day he would admit this out loud, but the first year after Aera was born, watching you feed her with your breasts spilling out of your bra always drove him certifiably insane. As pathetic as it sounded, he was jealous of his months old daughter but now..... Seokmin slid his hand up your body, feeling how perfectly your free breast filled his hand, the moan he let go against your clit vibrating through your body, pulling out the sexiest gasp he'd ever heard.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, you were going to be the end of him.

"More." You moaned, pushing your hips up, desperate to be filled. "Seokmin, just a little more-"

And that's when letting go his ministrations on your boob, he brought his hand back down to your entrance, pushing a finger in. And then another. And God, though you were throbbing and practically dying to be filled, the intrusion sent the pain of the stretch shooting up you, making you wince and grab all you had your hands on a lot tighter. Sensing your discomfort, Seokmin stopped immediately, raising himself up, his face hovering over yours, concerned.

"Did I hurt you?" He hadn't touched you in so long, honestly he had no idea how to touch you either - what you liked, what you wanted, he didn't have a clue. He'll learn, he swears if you let him, he'd memorise every small detail, every single sign.

"Just...." You panted, feeling the pain ebb into pleasure. "No, no, you didn't, please don't stop."

Obeying, Seokmin instantly began pumping his fingers, still watching you closely. Under his gaze you felt so exposed, like if he looked a little deeper into your eyes he would see the unbelievable amount of love you had for him. Would that be such a bad thing though?.....

Fisting the material of his tank top, you pulled him down, pressing your forehead against his, letting your moans spill right into his ears. Chest swelling with pride, Seokmin picked up the pace, alternating between scissoring you open and pushing his fingers knuckle deep. Lord why was he so good at this?

Seokmin watched as your breaths got shallow and quick, knowing you were nearly there and brushed his thumb over your clit with just enough pressure to push you over the edge. Back arching off the bed, you clenched around him, feeling wave after wave of pleasure erupt across your being as though every nerve in your body was set on fire. Seokmin stopped but did not pull out, eyes fixed on the way you were a panting mess under him, still struggling to ground yourself.

"That...." You focused your vision on him, a slight smile dancing your lips. "That was fucking good."

"Hmm language." Seokmin laughed, finally and unfortunately pulling his fingers out leaving you empty and wanting. You turned to him as he buried his elbow into the mattress beside your face, propping his head on his hand, glancing down at you. You looked at him and he looked at you, blinking slowly, letting so many unsaid things pass in the silence. Bringing your hand up, you traced the outline of his features with a strange sadness that when all this was over there was going to be distance between the two of you again.

Seokmin needed you to stop that. He needed you stop looking at him, to stop touching him like that, there was only so much he could control himself. He knew he wouldn't get this chance over and over again and he wanted to make it count as much as possible. For you and for him.

"Didn't actually get to eat you out." He muttered in your ear, running his fingers between folds, gathering your release, spreading it around your throbbing hole. "Wanna make you come on my tongue."

To his momentary disappointment, you shook your head. "Some other time." What? "Right now I need you to get inside me."

"Just one-"

He stuttered to a stop when you ran your hand down his torso, palming his erection, it's thickness literally making you salivate. God you wanted him in your mouth so bad but you needed him inside you a lot more desperately. You had slept with him him before, you knew he felt like heaven and you had waited long enough.

"Seokmin please." You squeezed his length, earning a low growl from him. "I want that baby. I really want it." When he moved, hovering over you once again, palms planted beside you, you didn't even realise the words that left you. "I really want you."

Seokmins eyes widened, processing your words, but that was before you clawed the material of his tank top on his back, making him sit up and strip out if it in a flash. He didn't have it in him to get out of the bed and step put of his track pants, opting to pull his length out of them instead, stroking it, spreading his precum all over it. He watched your eyes fixed on his movements, mouth slight open, before you blinked up at him, sighing like you couldn't wait. Mirroring your desperation, Seokmin slowly pushed himself into you, slipping in with a satisfying ease, bottoming out with a groan. Your nails raked his bare back, struggling to ground yourself as he filled that emptiness in you oh so well.

"Move." You moaned, adding a please at the end as though he wouldn't happily bury himself in you again and again. Though he needed a minute. He needed to memorise the feeling of you so warm and tight around him. Fuck you were a dream.

When you whimpered his name again he finally started moving, pulling back a little and pushing himself all the way in again and again. You slid your hands up, hooking them onto his shoulders, feeling every bit of him inside you, walls throbbing with every drag against it. It took everything in Seokmin to not empty himself entirely in you when you clenched around him, slowly approaching your high.

"A little longer." He pleaded. He didn't want this to end yet. "Hang in there a little longer for me beautiful. Come with me."

Then maybe he should have shut his mouth. His words had your heart racing as you felt that familiar build up in you, the one that has your toes curling. Seokmin knew you were going to come soon with the way your kept fluttering around him, squeezing and releasing him in a way that was testing his sanity.

"Shit." He muttered, burying his face in the crook of your neck and pulling your leg, guiding it towards his waist, making you wrap both of them around him, his length reaching spots you didn't even know were possible. It only took a few more strokes of increasing speed before you felt that knot tightening in you rapidly unravel, pushing wave after wave of please coursing through your body, literally blinding you for a minute there.

By the time you regained your composure Seokmin was still in the same position, buried deep inside you, his breath softly caressing the skin of your neck, face hidden from you. You slowly ran your hands up and down his back, letting him know you were okay. In fact you were better than okay, something told you if he fucked you a little longer you would fall apart around him all over again.

"Go on." You tightened your legs around his waist, feeling how he was still so painfully hard inside you. "Do it Seokmin, come inside me."

To your surprise, you felt him sigh, as he attempted to pull out but remained unsuccessful given the way you had locked him against you.

"What's wrong?" You could feel your heart thump in your chest at his uncertainty.

"Can I be honest with you?"

Oh no. "Of course."

Please don't end this.

"I....."

Please don't say you don't want this.

"I don't want you to get pregnant again."

The way you immediately let him go makes him quickly pull up, his eyes meeting yours which look devastated. Was all he wanted just sex? 

"Yet!" He added hurriedly, panicking at your misinterpretation. "I don't want you to get pregnant again yet. Not that I don't want to have another child with you, God no, there's nothing I want more, just....." He gulped looking away. "Not yet."

His words don't offer you much comfort.

"Why not?" You whispered, terrified of where this conversation was going. "I thought we both thought the timing was right...."

"It is. Its absolutely right. It makes absolute sense. It's just..." Did us making this future together not make sense? "I don't know what this is going to make you think of me but I can't keep pretending anymore. It's going to sound incredibly selfish of me but...."

Please please please don't say you don't want me anymore.

"I want you." You looked at him surprised. "I want you entirely. I don't want you to just be the mother of my children, I want you to be my woman. Mine." He sighed, refusing to meet your eye, terrified to learn what you think of him. "If you get pregnant now, it'll be another few months of dealing with the pregnancy, then the baby and I love the thought of that, god I really do, but a part of me just wants you to myself for a while. To have you as my wife, as a partner, to make love to you again and again and-"

"Wait." You stopped him, unable to take the weight of his words. Did this mean he.... "Look at me." You held his face in both your hands, forcing him to meet your eyes. God, if only you both had just a little more courage, this could've happened years ago. But clearly, it was still not too late.

"Seokmin."

"Hmm."

.

.

.

.

"I love you."

Your husband's eyes widened with a whole range of emotions. "Y-you do?"

"Fuck Seokmin, I love you so much. I've been in love with you for so long. How could I not? There's not a thing about you that doesn't make my soul crave for you. I just thought I was a burden, a responsibility you had no choice but to fulfill-"

"No choice?" Seokmin looked at you incredulously. "You are who I would pick over and over and over again, till my last breath, God I love you so much it drives me insane-"

Before he can say anything more you pulled him down into what you realised was your first ever kiss, and he immediately kissed you back, like he wanted this more than he needed to breathe. You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer like you couldn't bear to part from him as his hands found your waist, pressing you against him. You didn't want to stop, neither did he, until he pulled away, burying his face in your neck, holding you in a tight hug, one that felt so complete and made you realise how perfectly they two of you fit against each other. And that this entire time Seokmin was still inside you, waiting to finish. As you involuntary clenched around him, Seokmin groaned in your ear.

"Lie on your back."

He pulled back at your words, raising an eyebrow. You gently pushed him off you, his back hitting the mattress.

"Off." You patted his pants, and he quickly lifted hips and kicked it off just before you swung your legs around his waist, straddling him. Seokmin let out a low whistle, slightly smiling at the sight of you above him. You ran your hands down his pecs to his abs as he tucked an arm under his head, watching you.

"Hey."

You hummed in response, tilting your head at him.

"I love you." He looked at you earnestly. "I really really do."

"I love you too." You confessed again, leaning down to drop him a quick kiss, your hand wrapping around his length. "But right now, let me make you come big boy."

Seokmin somehow felt himself get more hard, if that was even possible, as you pumped his length in your hand a few times before raising yourself and aligning it against your entrance, slowly sinking down on it. As your mouth dropped open in a silent sigh feeling him fill both your body and your heart, Seokmin moaned, his free hand running up your thigh. Rocking your hips, slowly readjusting to his thickness, you threw your head back, baring your neck in a way that made Seokmin's mouth water. As he tried to bring his hand up to strip you of your shirt, you beat him to it, slowly unbuttoning it and sliding it off your shoulders, allowing Seokmin to sit up and wrap his mouth around your breast. You ran your hand up the nape of his neck, relishing the way his tongue swirled around your nipple, wondering how in the world the two of you managed to keep your hands off each other all these years. You didn't think you could do more than a while without this man's touch from now. Pulling him from you, you pushed him back once more, holding onto his shoulders for support as you began moving your hips up and down his length. Seokmin cursed under his breath as he gripped the flesh of your ass, guiding your movements. Honestly, he didn't even need you to ride him to finish, just the look on your face, the perfect combination of love and lust, flushed red, slightly shining with sweat, fuck that was enough for him. He held on for as long as he could, hating the idea of not being in you anymore, but when you bit your lower lip, eyes hooded, he couldn't stop himself anymore.

"Fuck, I'm coming."

To his surprise you immediately pulled yourself off him, stroking his dick in your hand, as he finally lost it, his cum splaying all over his abs and your stomach. He looked at you eyebrows raised as you, collected his cum with a finger and slipped it your mouth.

"Do not." Seokmin groaned at the sight. "Don't make me go again, I might just break you."

You laughed, dropping into the space beside him as he put his arm around you, pulling you closer.

"Why though? Wasn't all this for baby number two?"

"Yeah well, I don't think any of what we did was part of traditional baby making."

Seokmin laughed. "You're not wrong there but what about the plan then..."

"I think we can give ourselves some time before we execute our perfect life plan." You cupped his cheek. "Besides, I think everything is perfect already with you by my side."

You had no idea how long the two of made out after that, simply entangled with each other. Maybe it was until you both realised how desperately you needed to shower (though you continued to kiss and giggle under the water.) You only stopped when you stepped out and heard a soft whimpering in the baby monitor, prompting you to quickly get dressed and rush to Aera's room, Seokmin following behind.

He stood, leaning against the door as he watched you lift her into your arms and holding her against your chest.

"Why won't your daughter sleep Mr. Lee?"

"Again, I think she's taken after you Ms.L/n."

"It's Mrs. Lee." You corrected, making him smile.

As he watched you put your child to sleep, be didn't think he could love you any more. Little did he know, in a little over 9 months, mini Seokmin would make his way into this world, and Seokmin loved you more than ever.

[demiesworld]

How They React When You Fight Pt. 2 (Tokyo Revengers)

pairings: ran, rindou, sanzu, kakucho, hanma, kokonoi x reader synopsis: a continuation of my last post contents: suggestive themes (in sanzu's), violence, fighting and swearing

RAN HAITANI

Everyone and their mother knew about Ran's girlfriend. They knew of her temper, her possessiveness over Ran, and her protective mindset when it came to her boyfriend. That's why when Ran had a woman that wasn't his girlfriend flirting with him he would immediately shut them down. Sometimes Rindou would do it for him too when given the opportunity on his behalf. Everyone knew when it came to Y/N's man don't fuck with him. Not unless you want to end up in a hospital bed.

Ran was also possessive over his girlfriend too. Maybe that's why they clicked, they both had that "You're mine and I'm yours, can't nobody fuck with us" mindset. He loved her to death.

He was at the club he and Rindou operated, seated in a booth with Kokonoi, Kakucho, and Takeomi. Rindou went off to the restroom and you were at the bar ordering more drinks for the table you were at with your boyfriend and his comrades. Apparently this was the perfect opportunity for some broad to slither into the booth and try to steal your man.

As the woman joined and smiled lustfully at Ran, Kakucho and Kokonoi shared a look. Takeomi grinned knowing what was going to come. As for Ran he just sat there not responding to the woman when she tucked her hair over her shoulder and had the audacity to put her chapped nail polished fingers on Ran's tie.

"So what do you think, handsome? Do you want to come home with me?" She coos. Not knowing that you were returning with a tray of shots in your hands.

"He won't be going anywhere with you, bitch." She jumped when she heard your venomous voice and looked at you scared. "You got five seconds to get your grimy fingers off of my man. Five,"

She retracted her hand away from Ran, who was smirking in amusement at the situation, and scooted away from him. "No, no you got it all wrong-"

You walked around the side of the table and snatched up the woman by her hair. Pulling her away from your boyfriend and dragging her out of the booth. She was screaming for help, "No don't scream now bitch, you wanna go touch on someone's man do it, but it ain't gonna be mine!" You tossed her into the crowd of dancers like she was yesterday's trash.

Ran chuckled, leaning over to grab a shot of liquor and manspread on the sofa, "That's my girl, come sit on my lap princess."

RINDOU HAITANI

Rindou knew you could fight before you two started dating, which is why when you two would have arguments he never let you or him go to bed angry. If there's one thing Rindou loves more than his older brother it's you and your relationship. He wouldn't do anything to cause trouble between the two of you.

You were spending time with your boyfriend at an arcade when his phone continuously was getting spammed with phone calls. The first few rings you didn't pay it no mind, but after the umpteenth ring you grew annoyed. You stopped playing the virtual hockey game with Rindou and turned to him. "Who is calling you?"

"I don't know! Must be one of the guys, just ignore it." He tells you, but you knew it wasn't just one of the guys. Your eyes narrowed at Rindou and you folded your arms. "Show me your phone." Rindou sighed, "Y/N…"

"Phone!" You held out your hand and he gave it to you. You unlocked it and saw an unknown number calling him again. Your eyes widened when you saw who's number it was. It was your best friend. "Why the fuck is Y/F/N calling you?"

"I don't know! She's been calling me for a week and I sent her a message saying to leave me alone!"

"That doesn't answer my question, you dumbass!" The phone rang again and this time you answered it, but held the phone up to your boyfriend's ear. "Talk to her."

"Babe- hello? Oh hey Y/F/N." Rindou shoved his hands into his pockets, his eyes averting your glare. When your friend asked where he was you told him to say he was at the arcade and he was alone. "Tell her to meet you up here." You said and he repeated it to her. Your friend, stupidly agreed to meet him up there and you two went outside waiting for her.

You sat on a bench with a newspaper in front of you covering your face and Rindou stood in front of the entrance of the arcade with his hands in his pockets. Just then your friend showed up beaming at your boyfriend and waving at him. "Hey there Rinnie! I see Y/N is not here with you today. What happened?"

"Oh, um she's just not feeling good right now." He swallowed feeling guilty that he was setting her up for her demise. Before your friend could answer you shot up from your seat and tossed the newspaper away. "Trying to talk to my man behind my back huh? Really Y/F/N?"

She jolted, taking a step back and smiled sheepishly. "Y-Y/N, I didn't know you were here!" You stomped closer to her and yelled, "Yeah because you were too busy trying to get," your hand went over your head and slapped her across her face. "dick from my boyfriend!" The impact of the slap sent her on the ground, holding her cheek and scattering to get away from you. "The fuck are you looking at slut?! Go!" Your now ex-friend scrambled to her feet and ran away from you and Rindou still holding her cheek.

You turn your attention to your boyfriend, "And you, if something like this happens again and you don't tell me, your ass is going to be just like her dickless."

Rindou nodded his head stiffly, he knew you weren't playing either this time.

SANZU HARUCHIYO

"Oh Y/N… my pretty angel, the most beautiful girl in the world, my cherry pie, the apple of my-"

"Who is it that I have to fight now, Sanzu?" You deadpanned.

Your lover rested his chin in his hands as he looked at you from across the table. You were preoccupied with arranging a dinner for the weekend for you and him before he interrupted. Sanzu slid his phone across the table, a picture of a woman with short blue hair. His finger tapped on her face, "Her. She's a nuisance to me, and she shows up at the bar whenever I'm with the guys desperately trying to get my number." He pouts like a child, then starts to smile wickedly, "I need for you to teach her a lesson for me please."

"If I teach her a lesson what sort of reward will I be getting?"

Sanzu leans across the table and sweetly kisses your lips. "You'll get to do that thing you always wanted to do to me." Your face heats up for a moment and you nod your head agreeing to his terms.

That's how you find yourself in the parking lot of the local bar fighting with the woman. Sanzu stood by watching as you had her against a car and were kicking her in her stomach. He licked his lips at the sight of blood trickling from the woman's head when you had hit her with a steel pipe earlier. The sounds of her pathetic groans for you to stop were arousing to him.

"Don't. You. Ever. Look. At. Him. Again." you say as you finish your final kick with your steel-toed boot colliding with her face. She slumped forward coughing out blood and weakly told you she won't look at him again. Satisfied with your results of the fight you walked away from her and locked your arms with Sanzu.

"Oh, princess that was so hot of you to do that for me." Sanzu croons, as he opens the door for you to enter the car. You thank him and watches as he shuts your passenger door and goes to enter on the driver's side. "The pleasure is all mine, princess, and speaking of pleasure," your cheeks are squished in between his fingers as he leans over the center console to kiss your lips.

Sanzu nibbles at your bottom lip with his teeth, tugging at the flesh as he pulls away. "I hope that what you do to me tonight really pleases me."

SHUJI HANMA

"You know when you said we were going out to have fun," you start just before a girl lunges for you and you punch her in the stomach. She groans in pain from the impact, giving you the chance to elbow her on the top of her head knocking her down. "I didn't think fighting a group of coeds would be it."

Hanma slugs a guy in the face just as he charges towards him. A manic laugh leaving from his mouth when his fist collided with the man's cheek. He felt the bones of his opponent's face crack upon the blow. "Aha! Then what did you think we're going to do baby?"

You shrug your shoulders, and reply back, "I don't know maybe terrorize the convenience store owner again." You duck when a girl swings a bat at your head, narrowly missing it. You dodge her swings and block another attempted hit with your arm. It hurt like hell, but you fought through the pain and kicked the girl in her groin. She loosens her grip on the bat and you snatch it from her hands, bashing the end of it at her skull. From the corner of your eye you saw a guy heading towards Hanma. "At your 6 babe!"

Hanma laughs boisterously, he blocks the man's jab and snatches him by his nose. "Come on baby! I thought you knew me better than that!" The crazed smile of his never once falters from his face as he lifts the guy by his nose and throws him on the ground. "Surely this is more thrilling!" He stands above the man, stomping at his head with his heavy feet. The sounds of bones cracking encourage Hanma to further disfigure the man underneath him.

You look around at the several bodies scattered in the alleyway, unmoving bodies of both male and female on the ground. Hanma stops stomping the man's head in once he sees his teeth caving in. You walk towards your boyfriend holding the arm that had blocked the hit earlier. "I think they're all done for Shuji. Let's go."

Hanma smiles at you and tosses his arm over your shoulders leading you out of the alleyway. "You got hurt baby," you scoff and turn your head away from his gaze. "It's nothing that a little ice won't fix." You say to him, and smirk, "Besides I had some fun back there."

His eyes brightened as you two made it to his bike and hopped on the ride, "Great~ Would you do it again for me, baby?"

"Absolutely not."

Cue Hanma pouting.

KOKONOI HAJIME

For him it was never easy dealing with your feisty attitude and short temper. He didn't know how to control you, and frankly didn't want to even do it. He was afraid he'd wind up at the end of a closed fist to his face if he were to defy or deny you of anything. If you told him to jump he would ask you how high. That's how committed he was to not pissing you off.

He felt pity for those who fought with you because they would end up seriously hurt. He remembered the one time a girl was picking on him at a party. She was calling him lizard man because of his habit of sticking out his tongue. What really ticked him off was when she went up to him, flicked his nose, and called him a pussy. She was a bold woman. He will give her credit for that.

If only she knew just who she was fucking with. The words that the girl said to him went through the grapevine to you at the party. "Where is she?" you said as you push through people to reach your boyfriend. Koko stood there looking scared, meanwhile Ran answered the question for you. He pointed his finger at the entrance of the club, "She just went outside for a smoke."

"Y/N wait!" Koko called out but it was too late. You were already running out of the club to go and get the girl. "Shit, Ran why did you tell her where she was!" Koko shouted to the purple-haired man, Ran shrugged his shoulders. "I wanna see a cat fight." Koko scoffs at him and leaves to go stop you from fighting with the girl. The last thing he needed was you in jail tonight.

Meanwhile you were outside searching for the girl. As you rounded the corner you saw the girl smoking a cigarette underneath a lamp pole. "Hey, bitch!" You shout, and slide your heel off of your feet. "You got some nerve to be talking about my boyfriend with those grandma titties you got!"

She gasped and flicked her cigarette away, "Excuse me," You grinned at her and held your shoe tighter in your hand. "You heard me!" She went to say something else, but you had enough of the talking. Using the heel in your right hand you whacked her with the steel tip end of the heel, successfully smashing her temple with it. You whacked her with it again on the other side of her head. "I'm not done with you bitch," You pulled her by her hair and started punching her on the top of her head. Little whimpers came from the woman and she tried to defend herself by hitting you in your stomach. "You crazy fucking slut!" She shouts.

Koko showed up outside with Ran, Kakucho, Rindou and Sanzu behind him. He saw you about to pull your killer move on the woman and immediately he charged to stop you. "No!" he cried as he tackled you to the ground; you both grunt at the impact. "Y/N are you crazy?! What the hell is wrong with you?!"

You thrashed in his hold, "Get off of me Koko!" you sneered.

"Hell no, I just paid for your nails and I'd be damned if you're gonna fuck them up by fighting some whore!"

And that is why Koko tells people who talk ill about him, "My girlfriend isn't afraid to do jail time over you."

HITTO KAKUCHO

If there was one word to describe Kakucho, it would be his undying loyalty for those he grew to love. He was loyal to Izana, his closest friend until his untimely passing, and he was just as loyal to you, his girlfriend. Never did Kakucho complain about you to anyone or talked about you in vain behind your back. He respected you just as much as you respected him.

Though he never would have guessed how protective you were over him until the incident at the park happened. It was on a late, cool night when he was at home polishing the magazine of his gun and he heard rapid heavy knocks on his door. He stopped what he was doing and went to answer it. As soon as he pulled the door open he saw the sight of one of your friends. “Y/F/N? What are you doing here this late?” He asked, and she shook her head. “I can’t explain to you, but you gotta come with me Y/N is in danger!”

The second your name was mentioned, Kakucho quickly snatched his house keys and locked his door before following your friend. She led him to a park that was just a few blocks out of his home and there he saw you fighting two men. Scattered on the ground were incapacitated men, and Kakucho believed you must have been the cause of that. “Y/N,” he whispered, as he stopped in his tracks and stood there in a trance.

You fought so elegantly, yet with a vengeance in your hits. You were dodging hits, blocking punches with your arms, and serving strong kicks to the opponents abdomen. When one of them picked up a bat to swing it at your head, that’s when Kakucho snapped out of his trance and started to run towards the man. “Y/N!” he cries. Everything seems to move in slow motion for him. Kakucho intercepted the melee attack with his hands grasping the bat and halting it from striking you.

You gasp, “Kakucho!” the guy in front of you tried punching you but you blocked it and swung your left fist up to his chin. The man’s eyes rolled to the back of his head and he stumbled on his feet. “Bastard!” You stood there as he fell backwards, he was out. Your attention went to your boyfriend, looking at him worriedly as he used his strength to push the man away from you. His jaw clenched, arms straining to stop the attacker from hurting you or him. “I won’t let you touch her, you piece of shit.”

Just then you appeared from behind the man, pulling him into a chokehold. He loosened his grip on the bat and Kakucho took it away from him, tossing it away from his grasp. The man gasped for air, his eyes bulging from his head as you held him there. “Y/N,” Kakucho began, your cold eyes met his heterochromatic ones, “What are you doing here? Why are you doing this?”

“These guys were talking crap about you Kakucho. They mentioned Izana’s death, they said they were glad he died because he was nothing but a pathetic leader.” Kakucho’s breath hitched as he looked down at the faces of the men surrounding him. He recognized them as former Tenjiku members. He swallowed, as distraught as he was right now he couldn’t let you do this. “You don’t have to do this Y/N, this isn’t what I want you to do.”

You look at the man still struggling to break free from your deathly hold. Your eyes were unreadable and void of emotion. Kakucho couldn’t guess what you were going to do next. “Let him go, please.” You shook your head at your boyfriend. “Please Y/N.” Suddenly he fell to his knees and you sucked in a sharp breath. “Release him.”

With your body trembling you let the man go and he collapsed to his knees before Kakucho. He hunched over gasping for air to enter his lungs. Your boyfriend stood to his full height, his eyes glaring down at the man at his feet. “You will thank me for telling her to stop.” He then looked up at you, “I understand what you were trying to do, but that doesn’t mean you have to kill these traitors.” You took a step forward, stepping over the hunched form of the man, and wrap your arms around your boyfriend’s body.

Kakucho’s strong arms held you close to him, his warm hands caressing your back up and down in gentle strokes. His lips ghosted over your ear, “I love you Y/N.”

That’s how he found out that you were the one for him. His undying loyalty for you and your never-ending love for him.

a/n: ugh i might have did word vomit with kakucho’s! but i hope you enjoy!

[thewulf]

Don't Go || Aaron Hotchner

Summary: Request - Reader is head over heels for Hotch but always assumes he doesn’t feel the same way. It’s around s7 and he gets together with Hotch and she withdraws over time. When Emily says goodbye she tells reader she is always welcome with her in London if she needs to leave, and after another couple months she takes Emily up on the offer.... Read Rest Here

A/N: Love this guy. Thank you for the request. Loved writing this one!

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Y/N

Word Count: 3.1k+

Six Months Prior

“You know, I’m just a phone call away. I’d be happy to hire you as an agent.” You nodded at your best friends words. It didn’t seem possible that you’d ever accept the offer, but you couldn’t deny her either. Not right away at least.

“I’ll think about it Em.” Hugging her tightly you stifled the small cry that wanted to come out. She’d become a best friend to you over the years. The one true person you could trust through and through entirely The one who knew you better than you knew yourself.

She knew all about you crush on Hotch and how you’d never do anything about it. She tried for years after Haley’s death to get you to do something. You never did. He never did. It wasn’t meant to be.

She hugged you back squeezing you tightly into her embrace, “Please do. I’m being serious. Just a phone call away.” Her smile looked sad as she took one last look at you before getting into the security line.

You pulled away nodding at your friend, “Good luck Em. Call me when you land.”

She squeezed your hand once more. A gesture of love you’d grown to care for over the years, “Thanks for driving me. I’ll call you the second the plane lands.” She waved as you walked back to the garage. Man, you sure did hate goodbyes. You knew you’d see her soon but it still hurt.

You watched as she walked off into the airport. It certainly wouldn’t be the last time you’d see her, but it sure did suck you wouldn’t get to see her every day. But it was good for her. A promotion she desired. Maybe you would think of her offer. Maybe, just maybe. You took a mental image of Emily as she waved once more before disappearing.

Present Day

Maybe you weren’t supposed to hear it. But when you walked by Hotch’s office to drop off some files and Derek was already there you had to listen in. Had to, how could you not? But you’d regretted it the second you heard it, “My girlfriend and I went there this weekend.” His voice, your bosses voice, spoke through the doorway.

You heart sunk but Derek’s apparently soared. He hooted and clapped his bosses shoulder, “You did it? You asked Beth out?”

He nodded. You took a step back making sure you weren’t seen. Clutching the files to your chest you kept listening in, “Yeah. A few weeks ago. It’s been good. Jack seems to really like her.”

Damn. That was it then. Your chance was gone and over. You were the fool though. He’d given you years to make a move. You leaned back on the wall paralyzed. Knock on the door? Walked away? Keep listening to the horror show?

Paralysis won, “I’m happy for you Hotch.”

He hesitated. What did that mean? You took a step backwards before hearing him once more, “Me too. She different. Calm job that she loves. Relaxed all the time.” Everything you weren’t it felt like. Ouch.

Walking back down to your desk you checked the time on your computer. Nine in the morning, which meant that Emily was probably still working. You pulled your phone out of you back pocket sitting down in the office chair. Maybe it was time for a change. Nothing was happening for you here. Hotch was happy with somebody else. Not even the smiles and simple conversations between the two of you enough to satisfy. You’d harbored a stupid little crush that he never seemed to reciprocate. He didn’t hate the attention you gave him, no. He loved it dearly. He didn’t know much he loved it. Not until you began to withdraw from him.

It was the small things at first. Instead of looking at him when he spoke you kept your eyes on the case file or to the person beside you. You decided that smiling at him was no longer an option either. So, when you continued smiling at everybody in the office except for him it started to drive him crazy. Your smile actually dropped when you noticed he walked into the room. You stood up straighter in your chair and sucked in a breath. What in the hell was happening with you?

You were still kind. Still nodded in acknowledgement. Still recognized him as your boss and your boss only. You had to do this, for yourself. Had to break away. Start something new. This life was quickly becoming toxic.

It’d taken you months to find the courage to ask Emily for a transfer. But after you’d heard Hotch gushing about Beth once more it was the last straw for you. You didn’t want to hear about Beth and how fun she was. You didn’t want to hear about any of it. It wasn’t your place to tell him to cool it on her, so you had to do what you needed to do. Transfer to London.

Your knees bounced up and down in the smaller conference room you’d reserved to talk with Emily. You gulped when you heard her pick up from the other side on the line, “Y/N. How are you?” She asked you.

“I’m okay Em.” You let out a silent breath

She paused for a moment, “What’s up?” She knew you. Knew you deeply. Something was bugging you.

Might as well just spit it out, “I thought about your offer. Interpol.”

“Oh?” She sounded genuinely surprised that came out of your mouth. Such a homebody wouldn’t have ever dared to make this kind of decision.

“If you were being serious that is.” You wanted to clarify quickly. Maybe even she didn’t want or need you.

She nodded, but you couldn’t see it, “Of course I was! Absolutely yes. Let me just call Hotch and put the transfer in.”

You let out a breath, “I haven’t told him.”

“Why not?” She asked more as a friend rather than a future boss. How interesting all of that was going to be.

“I don’t know.”

She wouldn’t let you get away with that answer though, you knew that much, “Yes you do.”

You looked around the small conference room seeing all notes scribbled around. Looking ahead you watched as your coworkers walked around smiling and chatting with each other. You saw as Aaron looked around, maybe for you, maybe for somebody else. Your heart clenched when you looked back down at your phone, “He has a new girlfriend Emily. He’s head over heels for her.” You chewed on your already worn-down fingernails waiting for her response. A nasty habit you’d never been able to break in all your years.

“Oh sweetheart.” You heard her sigh from the other end of the phone, “Are you sure about this? Transferring? I don’t want you to feel like you’re running from your problems.” That’s what you’d admired most about Em.

You sat back down at your desk and waited. Waited for God knows how long. He didn’t call you into his office that day. Nor the next. It had been when you had gotten back from a case down in Miami that he asked you to stay behind on the jet for a moment. Nobody thought anything of it, but you knew. You knew exactly why he asked you to stay behind.

“A transfer?” His voice low once Spencer was out of earshot and down the stairs.

You couldn’t bear to look at him, so you just looked straight ahead, “Yeah.” You stated. Plain and simple. What else did you really have to say.

“Why?” He asked walking in front of you. He needed to know. More than ever, he craved to know what in the hell was happening with you. He’d adored you from afar for so long. The loving smile you always wore. The overly optimistic attitude often rubbed off on him. But it was fading. Fading so fast into the night that when Emily called he wasn’t surprised. Just hurt. Hurt that you wouldn’t have told him. And hurt that you wanted to leave him.

“I need a change.” It wasn’t a lie. You did need a change. You couldn’t just pine for your boss who was in love with another woman from afar. No, that was far too embarrassing. And exhausting. You had to go.

His eyes roamed your face for any tell. You were stoic as ever though. Hiding the waves of crashing emotions behind a big ass wall you’d never let come crumbling down. Shields that guarded your mind.

“You can find change here.” He started.

Shaking your head quickly you rebuked him, “I can’t. I’m stagnant. Tired. I can’t do this anymore.” You motioned your hand out to him before grabbing it back in towards your body.

“Can’t do what?” His eyes glazed over in curiosity as he studied you further. Trying to understand the person he thought he knew. Turns out he hadn’t a clue.

Your eyes narrowed. You weren’t actually going to tell him. Might as well keep him tapdancing on his toes, “This. I’m going crazy Hotch. I have to leave. Move on. Start a life.”

“What are you talking about Y/N?” He was either playing stupid or he genuinely hadn’t the faintest idea how you felt about him and that might’ve hurt worse.

You let out a little laugh, smiling because fuck it, might as well lay it all out for him clear as day. Something you never thought you’d have to do for a profiler. Leave it to Aaron Hotchner to act like a man in this situation, “I’ve been working with you for what? Five years now Hotch? I’ve been through a lot with you. You’ve seen me at my worst, and I’ve seen you at your lowest.” You sighed knowing you were just rambling now. Might as well rip the Band-Aid off, “I like you Hotch. Way more than an employee should. More than a friend should. I’ve liked you for so long and I’ve been too much of a coward to move on. So, I’m finally doing something for me. I can’t watch you fall in love Hotch. I just, I can’t. And I’m sorry. I’m weak.” You spilled out.

He shook his head reaching out. You took a step back involuntarily. Your brain reminding you that he had a girlfriend, “You’re not weak Y/N.” He frowned seeing you take a step back. You liked him? Had he never noticed? Had he never thought about it? Had he always seen you as just a friend?

You let out a full-on laugh, “I tell you I like you and that’s your response?”

He looked over your features for what felt like the first time. You were beautiful. Breathtaking even. He never let himself look at his coworkers like that. Things never turned out good when they did. Then you walked him. He knew how stunning you were. Then you were the kindest person he’d met on top of that? He was sure to be a sucker for you. But he blocked those thoughts out fast. He’d just have to enjoy your friendship. That was all. Plus, you were so much younger than him. Had so much more to look towards.

Through the years your smile never faltered. Not when Haley had been killed and he broke down right in front of you. Not when he needed it most. You were there and held him in your arms for hours whispering encouragement to the man. You were always there for him. Always there when he didn’t need you but wanted you to be there. You were always there, in the best way. You’d integrated yourself so seamlessly within his life he couldn’t stand the thought of losing you. That was when he knew he’d fucked up. He’d fucked up with Beth by leading her on for so long. He didn’t want her. He wanted you. Who gave a damn about your age when you wanted him. When you initiated the charge. All bets were off now.

He'd always wanted you but tried to deny it. He hid it away in a locked-up box in the back corner of his brain, “Don’t go Y/N.”

You shook your head tears rushing to the forefront of your eyes, “You can’t do that Hotch. Not now. You have Beth. I have to go.”

He shook his head taking a step forward to match your backwards one, “You don’t have to go. Please. Let’s just talk. Take a seat.” He wanted to punch himself for being so formal with you like he always had. If he was going to try and break down that mental shield you put up being a stiff board certainly wouldn’t help.

You cocked your head to the side unsure of what you’d heard. You thought this was going to be quick and that was certainly not turning out to be the case here, “Okay.” You thought you’d owed him that. You were close not that long ago. That ended when Beth crept into his life taking hold of the crevices of his mind you’d used to hold so closely. How had he not even noticed? How was he this fucking blind?

He leaned forward once he sat on the couch at the back of the jet next to you, not daring to go back to the seat he was previously sitting in. He needed to be closer to you, “Don’t go.”

“Aaron.” You closed your eyes unsure of what to do. Certainly, unsure of what to say.

He shook his head, “Please. I… I can’t let you go.” His voice wavered as his own watery eyes looked onto yours. Damn. Your heart sped up at the sight feeling things you really shouldn’t have at that admission.

You squeezed your eyes shut, “Why?” You needed to know.

When he didn’t answer you opened your eyes. He was just looking at you. Carmel eyes tracing over every feature on your face. He smiled slightly when your eyes met his. You felt the blazing blush rise across your face as he kept studying you so obviously. The tension in the air grew thicker with every passing second of silence. As if he knew you couldn’t take it anymore he finally answered you, “I’m an idiot. I don’t want her Y/N. I want you. I may not have always known it but now that I do, it’s supposed to be you.”

You shook your head quickly in utter disbelief, “Don’t say that. You have Beth. You have a life here.”

His eyes grew serious as he scooted closer to you. His knees brushed yours as he leaned forward once more, “I need you to hear me right now. I don’t want her. I want you. Just… just let me clean this up.” He pleaded taking one of your hands in his. He knew he was onto something when you didn’t pull away from him.

“Aaron…”

He cut you off, “Please, just don’t go. Please. Let me fix this.” Every part of him begged you. The most emotion you’d seen since Haley had passed. It sent shivers down your spine as you thought about it. He was being vulnerable with you.

You swallowed unsure of what the fuck to do now. This was certainly not on your short list of items that could possibly have happened to you when you did this. Aaron Hotchner begging you not to go? Impossible. Yet here you were with his hands in yours and pleading eyes.

When you didn’t answer he continued, “Please. Don’t go.” He took your other hand in his. He too had to make a scary confession just like you had moments prior, “I may have been too blind to see it before but sweetheart I… I like you too. And I’ve been missing you. You’ve been here but you haven’t been present. You have been with everybody else but me. I don’t want a life without you in it. So please, please don’t go.” He would ask a million more times if that’s what it took. He’d do anything you asked. Go anywhere you wanted. Be anything you needed really. He always knew it was you. He was just playing by the rules for too long. You’d snapped him right out of that though. He couldn’t actually let you go to London. No way in hell. He’d normally do anything for his employees, but he couldn’t let you go. He’d find you a better job here if that’d what it meant for you to stay.

You gave in. You weren’t thinking right with his big hands covering yours so easily. A steady rub from his palm sent shivers up your arm sending your mind into a frenzy. A moment you were so scared for turned so intimate.

You nodded your head mumbling out a soft, “Okay.” Before being brave and turning your eyes up to his big brown ones.

The relief that washed over him at that was evident. He threw his head back in relief. A big smile crossed his face when he came back to looking at you, “Really?” He asked, not believing it himself.

“Yeah. You have good puppy dog eyes Hotch.”

He shook his head scooting you closer to him, “Call me Aaron, sweetheart.” You heart sped up once your legs tangled with his. Two oblivious idiots soon to be in love trying it for the first time together. Awkwardness and all you soaked it in. His touch. His smell. His presence with you right there on the jet.

“Alright, Aaron.”

He smiled that gorgeous smile you’d grown to love but never saw often enough. Rarely that smile would make its presence and when it did it blew you away. You smiled right back at him as looked you over once more, “Let me drive you home.”

“What about my car?” You asked the most obvious question it felt dumb coming out.

He shrugged, “I’ll pick you up before work tomorrow. No worries.”

You didn’t want to oblige but you really wanted the alone time, “If you’re sure.”

His smile only grew. He stood up and pulled you up right with him, “I’m positive. Now, let’s get you home.” He didn’t drop your hand as he led you down the stairs and over to the parking lot not that far from the air strip. Your smile didn’t falter as he led the way so utterly sure he’d made the right decision, finally.

Permanent Taglist (Message me or comment below if you want to be added!): @loving-and-dreaming @kmc1989 @memeorydotcom @matisse556 @buckylov3r @taygrls @ah-blossom

Request Taglist: @mischief-merlyn @mrs-ssa-hotch

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Would I be the asshole for breaking up with my partner over something my best friend told me?

Hi, I'm 20, (they/he) and have been seeing said partner, 23 (any, also I'll call them V from now on) for almost three years apparently. We met in 2020 at a BLM demonstration and quickly became friends. Back then I had been crushing on them for a while but was in a then closed relationship. My girlfriend of that time (20, she/her, let'scall her F) and I opened our relationship and around Halloween I told V. They asked if it was open sexually or also open romantically. After discussing it with F, we said romantically as well, even though I knew that I was unable to commit 100% to loving someone besides F.

Yes, I know. I should have been honest back then. And I was, in a way. I told V that I didn't think I could love them the same way I loved F. It didn't matter then. But it does now.

F broke up with me in February and since then V and I have gotten closer and gone on regular dates and stuff. I still can't love them the way I should, though. I don't know why. We send each other hearts all the time and I tell them I love them, but only in English, because the words in my native language are too heavy and more meaningful (to me at least).

Now I have thought about breaking up with V thousands of times, and always felt bad because how do I explain that even though I said it(that I loved them) I never meant it 100%?

Last week my two best friends W (20, any) and K(20, he/him) (who are dating btw) were supposed to look after my cat (3, she/her). V was there when W showed up and I explained what to do, when to feed her etc.

Now apparently, when I was gone for a hot second to take out the trash or something, V bit W. V has always been a very affectionate and touchy person which has put off both W and K before, since they barely know V and aren't that touchy even with people they know very well (like me. We've known each other for 9 years and been best friends for 8 and 6 of those respectively). So W told me they signalled that they felt uncomfortable with that but V tried to do it a second time and was only apprehended by W fleeing.

Normally, this kind of boundary violation would cause me to cut ties with someone immediately. I am not a stranger to unwanted affection and know that W feels extremely violated by this. It affected them so much they were mentally incapable to take care of my cat and in the end, V ended up looking after her. Which is why it is so hard for me to know what to do.

W is my best friend. I love them dearly and wouldn't have survived school without them. They were violated and felt so horrible and dirty they had to take a long shower to even feel like a person again.

V is my partner who keeps telling their friends and family how well things are between us. I love their mum and I know some of their friends through work and the CSD parade. I feel so guilty about sort of lying to them and saw this incident as an out of a relationship that should've provably ended months ago.

So would breaking up with them over this make me the asshole?

What are these acronyms?

[jadeylovesmarvelxo]

The Truth Comes Out 👀💕

Summary; You and Eddie despise each other. That's all there is to your feelings... Or so you both tell yourselves.

Warnings; Mean Eddie, enemies to lovers, angst, fighting, jealousy, fluff. Murray works his magic 😋 18+, this is a longish fic so get comfy and enjoy ❤️

I do not give anyone permission to copy my work.

If you enjoyed this then please consider leaving a reblog, etc 😘❤️

❤️

Eddie Munson's stupidly cute face is all you can see as you head into Hawkins High.

Some days his big brown eyes and dimples were cute and gave you butterflies much to your horror.

Other times you wanted to wipe the smirk from his face and couldn't stand the sight of him.

It was a toss what one you felt on the day.

Today it was the latter as you were sure that he was put on this earth to annoy the hell out of you.

"Hey, princess, miss me?" he grins and falls into step beside you. His fingers graze over your back and shiver in delight.

He knew how to push your buttons as you did for him- in every single way.

He could be an asshole though, sometimes his disdain was so apparent, his barbs clipped and to the point that it did hurt.

Sometimes he made you cry, sometimes he made you so mad that you couldn't speak.

"Hey, princess. Been a viper witch to anyone else today?" you ignore him. His barbs were not going to rile you up today.

"Get lost, Munson. I'm not listening to your bullshit today" he looks delighted at your venom and smiles, all dimples. Those fucking dimples.

Why did the asshat have to be so attractive??

"Meow, the princess has claws, who's on your shitlist today? What for? Someone step into your precious light while you were preening yourself?"

You whip around and his goofy smirk annoys you even more.

"I like to look good, don't see any problem with that Munson. Have any dates recently that weren't with your own hand?"

This makes him laugh which disarms you. Shit, you hated when he did that, except one thing then he does another.

"Aww, sweetheart. You like to think about me all hot and bothered and a moaning mess huh?" his eyes dance with mischief and you open your mouth then close it again fuming he has you tongue tied.

"Cat got your tongue?" he asks innocently and you meet his gaze. His big brown eyes darken for a second.

"Wouldn't you like to know who I think about huh?" he whispers in your ear huskily and you stubbornly look away.

"As if" jealousy burns in your gut and you will it away furious at yourself.

"Hmm lucky it isn't you then" he shrugs and you ignore the way your heart sinks at that comment.

"Likewise Munson" you snap and push your way past him.

❤️❤️

"I hate him Chrissy! I hate him" you say for the third time at lunch and Chrissy who is ever patient actually grins.

"There's a thin line between love and hate" she jokes and you groan at her hints.

"Babe, for the last time there is no sexual tension between Eddie and me. He can't stand me and I can't stand him"

"Mmm so when he was crushing on Jessica Martin for like a week and you were like a wounded puppy until he grew bored of her and started teasing you again"

You don't dignify that with a response as it was over a year ago.

"Or when you dated Brandon for two weeks and Eddie "accidentally" threw the basketball in Brandon's face when he broke up with you for Mia and was gloating about it"

You try to come up with a retort but Jason is suddenly in your line of view looking as arrogant and pompous as ever.

He had been following you around the last week and trying to get you to agree to go out with him and you weren't interested.

"Hey, so have you thought anymore on my date proposition?" he looks so smug and that annoys you because he always thinks he can get what he want by flashing money and status and it is so off putting.

"Like I told you already. No thank you" his eyebrows knit in confusion.

"Babe, I really need you to rethink that" honestly who does this douchebag think he is?

"I've told you like a hundred times this week Jason, I am not interested in going out with you so will you please stop bugging me about this" his happy smile fades and he lays a hand on your shoulder.

The other basketball players are snickering and Jason flushes.

"You'll regret turning me down bitch" he storms off and you breathe a sigh of relief but have slight trepidation on what he will do.

Was this really over? You catch Eddie's eye who seemed to be watching, gaze full of anger and you wonder what's up with him?

More worryingly what will Jason do?

❤️

Jason was still fuming when he caught up with you later that day.

Cheer practice had just finished and you were the last one in the locker room. When Jason walked in your heart began to race.

"How dare you knock me back like that? In front of everyone. You think you're really something huh?" his hand tightens on your arm and you try to wrestle out of his grip.

"Leave me alone!" you snap attempting to stamp down hard on his foot but it doesn't quite connect. He pushes you away and you collide with the lockers.

"Asshole" you call after him and wince as you get up. There's a bruise on your arm where Jason's fingers dug in and out and you wince clutching your side.

You make your way out of the locker room, eyes burning with tears that you try to hold back.

Then you see Eddie outside by his van and you groan. Great, the perfect end to a perfect fucking day.

His eyes light up when they see you, no doubt he wants to annoy you to death.

"Not in the mood Munson" he smirks as he catches up to you.

"Aww did you break a nail during cheer practice sweetheart? Could have Carver kiss you all better, saw him hanging over you like a prick"

You whirl around and warn him.

"Don't mention him to me" he gives you a mocking grin.

"Thought you'd be all over that asshole. Preppy douche, little princess has such ring to it huh. You can live in happy vapid harmony?" the tears come again and you lash out.

"Just leave me alone Munson. Fuck off back to your hell hole and leave me alone" he glares at you and you reach your car but open the door too quickly in your haste to get some peace and it hits your arm and sore hip.

"Ahh! Shit!" pain shoots up your body and you wipe away the tears that fall down your cheeks.

"Shit. Hey, you okay?" Eddie asks gently and you shake your head.

"No, I'm not" his eyes trail over your body and he zeroes in on the bruise, that looks even worse out in the light.

"Did Carver do that to you?" he grits his teeth, his jaw tense and eyes narrowed.

"You make it a mission to make me cry on a daily basis or piss me off. Don't act so high and mighty" he looks at you swallowing hard.

"I make you cry?" you swear under your breath.

"Like once" you turn away and he takes hold of your bruise-free arm.

"I don't mean to make you cry, he sucks in a breath, did he do this?" he asks once more and you know he isn't fucking around because this is the angriest you have ever seen him and you nod.

"I can handle myself, Carver just doesn't like being told no" Eddie looks like he wants to say more but he stops as Gareth calls him for band practice and he chances one last look at you before leaving.

❤️

The next day all hell breaks loose, you don't realise it at first as you are busy with cheer practice but as you head with Chrissy to lunch you hear the commotion before you can see it.

Or rather you hear Dustin.

"Yeah! Kick his ass, Eddie!" you chance a look with Chrissy and head inside.

Eddie and Jason are in the middle of a fight and Eddie is holding his own, Jason already has a black eye and Eddie's knuckles are bleeding.

Why the heck was he fighting Jason. You glance at Chrissy who has a knowing look in her eyes.

"Like, she would ever go for you, Munson! You're trailer park trash freak! You'll be just like daddy!" Jason screams at Eddie who lunges at him.

"Now do you believe me when I tell you Eddie is crazy about you?" Chrissy asks you but you want to stop him from getting hurt and don't answer.

"Let go of him Jason" you push Jason back who snorts.

"Well, what do you know Munson? Maybe you can keep her as a little slut after all" you slap Jason hard across the face and Hellfire howl with laughter at Jason clutching his cheek.

At that point, someone must have called Chief Hopper because he comes in gathering up Eddie and Jason.

You head in with Eddie before he can argue because you know Jason will try and pin all the blame on him and no way was that happening.

❤️

At the station, Eddie and Jason argue about what happened.

"The freak just attacked me" Jason pouts and you roll your eyes at his obvious lying, he must think Hopper is an idiot.

Anyone who knows Hopper knows he's a smart guy and can see straight through bullshit.

"Is that true Eddie?" Eddie shakes his head and jerks his thumb in Jason's directions.

"Look at that bruise on her arm, he gestures to you. This douchebag was bragging about doing it. Shutting her up by...by making her mouth useful for something, also he was ragging on Hellfire that was the main reason"

You get the implications of what Jason meant and glower at Jason.

"You don't want to come near me with your dick," you tell him sweetly but with malice. ''I bite"

Hopper hides his smirk but the other two cops don't.

"Carver. Make a threat like that again and your ass is in jail. Don't care who your daddy is are we clear?" Jason gulps and nods, then storms off.

"Eddie, for god's sake son try and stay out of trouble. I know Carver is a dick with you but I would hate to have to throw you in jail for assault". Hopper tells Eddie seriously.

Eddie nods.

"I didn't ask you to do anything Eddie, I don't need you fighting my battles for me. You're hurt, I didn't want that" you gesture to his bruised eye and bust lip after his fight with Jason.

He scoffs. "Get over yourself miss high and mighty, he was ragging on Hellfire and I snapped. Was sick of his bullshit. Kay?"

You know he is lying, Jason constantly rags on Hellfire and Eddie riles the shit out of the dude but it's never turned violent, Eddie doesn't resort to violence so it's not the only reason.

"Why can't you just admit the truth?" you hiss at him while holding up the ice pack to his head. You're both unaware of the audience you have, even Hopper looks entertained.

Murray however is the one who is listening with his head in his hands and trying to bite back whatever he wants to say.

Like that will last long.

"Will you shut the hell up for five minutes my head is pounding" he whines and you are about to retort back when Murray steps up.

"Enough!" you jump as he stands up and Eddie winces.

"Jesus h Christ dude. Volume control" he snaps and Murray rolls his eyes.

"How about both of you spare me the bullshit and all of us the headache and you both admit that you're in love with each other and find an empty room"

Both you and Eddie get up at the same time shouting at Murray that he's wrong, clearly delusional or his Vodka has messed with his brain.

"You're crazy dude. She drives me fucking nuts, acting like some prissy, primped up princess" you glare at him.

"Yeah and like I would want you, Munson! How long have you been in high school again?" he sneers at your comment and steps closer.

"Well at least I'm not a vapid, self-centred raging bitch" Murray holds his hands up and gestures to you both.

"Spare me, spare me, spare me! The whole hating each other schtick is bullshit! Honey, we all see the lovesick way you look at him and he looks at you" you're about to protest when Murray butts in.

"Nuh uh! Zip it lovebirds. You think a guy who hates you is gonna stand up for you like that?" Eddie shakes his head weakly.

"I told you he was ragging me about Hellfire"

Murray takes both of you by the arm and gives you a big cheesy grin.

"Like I told you both, cut the bullshit. Spare us long-suffering residents of Hawkins the headache, go off and find an empty room and get it over with" he yells the last part as he pushes you both out the police station.

"Rude much!" you yell at his back as he gives you and Eddie a little wave then slams the door shut in your faces.

You gape at the door and as if even the weather is against you today the heavens open and it begins to rain. Droplets bounce on the windows of the station and Eddie grabs your arm as he pulls you into his van.

"Shit" he shakes his head and you shiver beside him.

"Can we go somewhere warm? I'm freezing" he nods and begins to drive. The rest of the ride is silent as you both mull over what Murray said.

Eddie doesn't want you. Not like that. You had kept your feelings for him locked deep down because if he found out he would tesse the shit out of you and his rejection would hurt.

He drives you to his trailer where he and his uncle live and mutters sarcastically as he opens the door for you.

"Welcome to my castle" you thank him and are extremely grateful to be in the warmth, Eddie's heating in the van helped a little but you were still cold.

For a second you take in the trailer, the mugs and caps lined on the wall, which make you smile. Even more so when you find a Garfield mug.

"Yeah, that's mine" Eddie tells you and that makes you smile harder.

"I love Garfield" he raises his eyebrows in surprise but the little moment between you two breaks as you sneeze.

"Shit! do you have spare clothes with you?" you nod and grab your bag as Eddie gestures for you to change in his room, he grabs some clothes for himself then leaves you in privacy to change.

This is your first time in Eddie's room and you look around in awe as you change as quick as possible.

The guitar that is in pride of place in the room is a thing of beauty, you knew he was in a band called Corroded Coffin.

There's a moment to his band where sine people have signed, it looks like a battle of the bands type of thing. Your stomach clenches when you see Tammy Thompson's name scrawled on there and scowl.

"Didn't realise Tammy was a fan of you" you call out to Eddie who sniggers.

"Yeah, uh she asked me out on a date that was more like a music related meet up. Sung for me" he comes in throwing you a towel to dry your hair.

"What happened?" now you're curious. He makes a face.

"She was nice and all but her voice... he shudders, we didn't click at all" you hate how much you like that news.

"Your guitar is cool" he beams at your compliment and joins you looking at the guitar.

"Isn't she? Hello sweetheart. You're beautiful aren't you" he presses his fingers to his lips, kisses them and then places his fingers on the guitar.

"You warmer now?" he inquires then upon looking at your still shivering form he pulls you to him and explains as you question him.

"Body heat. It will warm you up faster" yeah you had heard of that.

"I thought you had to be naked?" it flusters you when his eyes darken deliciously and heady tension fills the air.

"Uh, yeah apparently" he runs his hand through his hair and you giggle.

"Easy Munson, I'm not going to seduce you or some shit. I'm not your type, I know that" there's a moment of silence and then he speaks so very quietly.

"Yeah, you are" you stop and look at him hardly daring to believe what you've heard.

"I know you wouldn't want to date me kay? I made peace with that a long time ago and it's easier to annoy and piss you off, bury what I feel"

You feel butterflies as you move closer to him and reach up to caress his cheek.

"You're a dumbass Eddie Munson" before he can speak in outrage you kiss him, the argument does in his throat as he kisses you back hungrily.

"Yesterday you told me you didn't think of me like that" you repeat back his words and he cringes.

"I was talking through my ass sweetheart. You annoy the shit outta me but you're all I think about" your eyes close as you feel his lips press to yours and he pulls you tightly against him.

"I feel the same way about you Eddie" he strokes your hair and grins all cocky.

"Bout time you admitted it princess?" you shove his shoulder giggling as he kisses you again.

"Cocky ass... hey Eddie? I'm still a little wet" he moans softly as you trail kisses from the tattoo peeking out on his chest all the way up to his neck, then jaw then his lips.

"Oh yeah?" you nod loving his reaction as he grows more and more aroused, the thought of it makes your body tingle.

"What was it we discussed earlier about warming up" in seconds he has you pressed up on the bed and you shriek with laughter as your limbs tangle together.

❤️

From the moment you woke up in Eddie's arms that morning everything felt blissful. His lips caressing your neck as his hand moved between your thighs.

"Morning princess" he greets you his voice husky but elated, you turn to him and exchanging kisses before groaning as you look at the time on his alarm clock.

"Ugh, we have to go Eds, we slept too long" he smirks.

"I don't recall much sleeping princess" giddiness washes over you again and you sigh.

"Mmm neither do I" you surprise him by straddling him and he lets out a moan of contentment as his hands caress over your breasts.

He sits up, cupping one hand on your backside as his head dips and he greedily pleasures your breasts with his mouth and free hand.

"Last night was fucking bliss" he whispers and you agree. Fuck, it was mindblowing.

"Yeah it was" he peers up at you and has a teasing smile on his face.

"Rocked your world didn't I baby?" you roll your eyes, a rush of affection filling you for him.

"Doofus" you murmur and run your hands across his chest.

"Think we can be a little later today yeah?" he responds by kissing you eagerly.

❤️

An hour later you make it to school and at lunch time you hear Dustin, Lucas and Mike asking what made Eddie so late.

"Ask her yourself" he nods to you and you make your presence known, sitting on his knee.

The whole cafeteria goes silent at Mikes exclaim and seeing you sat on Eddie's knee.

"Dude finally" Gareth exclaims and Chrissy gives you a thumbs up. Jason looks dumbfounded.

"You and him!" he splutters and you cuddle into Eddie's chest as Eddie gives him the finger.

You didn't give a shit what Jason or anyone thought, as much as Eddie could irk you at times you adored him so much more.

He was your love and that was that.

❤️

[stayandot8]

Drawn To You

Genre: fluff?? i guess??

Relationship type: idol!(lowkeytsundere)Seungmin x I.N's bestie reader

Important Contents: requested, i hope you enjoy my second Seungmin piece

WC: 4k

masterlist

I’d known Jeongin since we were kids. I was about a year older, but he’d always been there for me since the young days, before he became this huge kpop idol star with his group. But after I went away, our friendship strained. 

The problem was that I didn’t tell him that I applied for school overseas in America. I needed to get out of our town, on to bigger things, and that upset him. We told each other everything. Everything…except that. He understood, like the amazing friend he was, but as he pursued his own dream, his time was harder to come by. The questions about America came fewer and slower, phone calls went from everyday to twice a week to once a month until the only time I heard from him was when he thought of me in between recording sessions. He always texted me after recording, something about needing to know I was behind him. I always knew he’d be a famous singer. His voice was always unique. Now the world was getting to see what I already knew as fact. And I was damn proud of him. I made sure to tell him every chance I got. Or at least I tried, because those opportunities came fewer and fewer as the years went on.

 What I didn’t realize until I was already there was that America was not what I wanted. But my family had already paid my way through for me to get there and start, so I owed it to them to finish what I started. No, begged them for. I had to do it. Not just for me, but for them too now. And when I finished, degree in hand (well, suitcase), I traipsed back to Korea like my life depended on it. Why? Well… because it did.

The almost 16 hour plane ride was full of going from one book to another to my music apps and podcasts, fighting the impending boredom that came with the “adventure” in a tin can in the sky. The in-house wifi was holding up as best it could and my laptop was on the brink of overheating for the last hour. My mother’s last text before I took off popped up on my side window of messages. 

Mother: Little Jeonginnie is blowing up big now! You would be so proud of him. He’s come so far since you’ve last seen him. 

Jeonginnie?? I remembered the nickname she gave him and couldn’t stop the gagging noise from escaping in the middle of standing in line to board. The woman in front of me gave me a weird look. I stared back at her, glaring until she turned back around and started walking. I grimaced at my phone before I turned it on Airplane mode and put it in my pocket. What could be so different about him now? Had he grown that much? He couldn’t be much taller. I had always been taller than him, ever since we were kids. My mother blamed my father, saying it was his side of the family that gave me such a…problem. But I didn’t mind. It made it easier to scare off the boys I didn’t like. It also made it harder to find ones I did  like that weren’t intimidated but… whatever. This was the way it had always been.

My mom has been looking forward to this day since I left, crying on the phone that she was ‘so excited to have her baby home again’ that I was sure she would chain me to the kitchen sink to prevent me from leaving again. She claimed the house hadn’t been the same since I left, and by the looks of it, it was obvious. It was missing its usual…lived-in charm that I had apparently brought to it. The pillows were too erect, too fluffed. The kitchen counter was too clean, not a stain nor trace of midnight ramen seasoning on the counter. It wasn’t quite…home. It was a space for my parents to entertain. Which is exactly how I ended up face to face with Jeongin in my living room, arms wide open and looking like… a man. 

He was tall now too. His hair was blonde now and styled, even on his day off. It looked good. And his arms had filled out, no longer the sticks they used to be. Someone had gotten him into working out. Must be his older members… At least his smile was the same. Bright as ever, he stumbled over towards me and threw his arms around me with all his might. 

“Noona! You’re back! I can’t believe you’re back, I never thought I’d be home to see it.” His dimples showed so deep that I didn’t realize how much I had missed the sight of them. They were the kind you could swim in, the kind you wanted to roll out like they were made of dough. Which explained why his fans and members called him Baby Bread. His whole face was squishy just like it had been when I left. Except now, the rest of him wasn’t nearly as squishy. It made me second guess myself a little too much. I shook my head, trying to shake the thought. 

“Yeah yeah yeah. I came back because I saw you all over the internet, even over in America! What could you possibly be doing over there?!”

“It’s my band! We’re going everywhere now, I can’t stand to believe it sometimes. I still have a hard time believing it. But you’re finally back from school! How was your last year?! Tell me everything!”

Thus began a very long and tiring story of my senior year of college, everything from the parent-safe topics like classes and academics and American friends I made until our mothers left for the kitchen to make dinner. Then we moved onto the not so safe for parents ears, such as the hookups, the drama, and all of the bullshit that went down without my mother’s knowledge. He laughed when he was supposed to, he nodded at appropriate times, it was like he was using his media training on me and I couldn't help but laugh. He was mid-question and he stopped to tilt his head.

“What? What’s so funny?” He smiled again when I couldn’t keep it in anymore.

“I’m sorry, I just can’t help it. You’ve gotten very good at listening. If I remember correctly, you weren’t able to sit still and listen to me say more than three sentences at a time.”

“That’s because you learned how to tell an interesting story. College was good for something!” That dazzling smile emerged again and I was thinking those weird thoughts again. It wasn’t that I had thoughts of possibly liking him, it was just that the thought of it didn’t repulse me like it once did. It puzzled me. 

“Yeah yeah yeah. So tell me about your group! What’s everyone like? Is it true what they say online about you guys?”

“Well, I don’t know what you’ve seen so I don’t know whether to say yes or no.” He laughed and sat back in his chair. “But things have been going really well! We’re starting up our tour right now, we have our first stop in two days in Seoul. You should come! I want you to meet everyone.” I’d read a little about them while on the plane, just to take a peak at what my friend had been up to in the years I’d been gone. There were eight of them now, and they all brought something special to the group, at least according to Stay, their fans. I knew who was who and that was about it. It was like I had met them already. “Come on, Noona. You can meet everyone tomorrow if you want to, before the concert. Auntie can come too.” I looked at him with wide eyes and hit his leg when he started to crack up.

“You are not funny, Yang Jeongin.”

His inhaling laughter told me he thought otherwise.

*

Strolling by our favorite cafe, the memories came back to me in waves. Between Jeongin cracking jokes about people who were walking by and me trying to keep him from wandering into the street. Our relationship had shifted constantly from friends to siblings of sorts. Being an only child hadn’t provided a lot of opportunities for the older sister types of activities I had itched for so I happened to find them with Jeongin. Everything I had dreamed about being an older sister, I had with him. It helped me feel…complete somehow.

Jeongin thought later that it would be better if I met some of the members little by little. But then I recieved a text countering that idea, stating that the when the others heard what was happening, they jump in the car bfore he could protest. He decided that he wanted to bring us all here, a place of comfort to me and somewhere he’d always wanted to bring them. He had told me the ones he lived with were the ones that would really test how I would get along with the rest of them since they were the ones who were ‘harder to read’ or something.  I didn’t know which ones were the ones he lived with, only knew their names and faces in the group. I wondered if I’d need to do anything special to impress them or being my simple self would do. Jeongin told me to just be myself,  but if these guys were anything like him, they didn’t really care who I was. They probably had people fawning over them constantly so maybe as long as I acted like I didn’t care, it might turn out in my favor. Not that I really cared if they liked me, but it’s always nice to make friends. 

Walking up to the place I saw them all sitting at a table just chatting, like they were just regular people. They all had hats on, some backwards, and a mix of tshirts and sweats and jeans. One that I recognized, Lee Know, had his hat on backwards and his blonde hair was peeking out. It was then that I realized what Stays were talking about with him; he was prettier in real life. Like, a scary kind of pretty. 

Felix on the other hand, was an ethereal kind of pretty with a soft exterior to balance Lee Know’s sharp features. It was a quick reveal to why they called him sunshine. Even with his dark hair, he radiated warmth and empathy. Like you could tell him anything and he would do everything in his power to help or just to listen. His hat was on sideways, like the boy next to him had moved it and he just hadn’t changed it back.

The boy next to him had his hat on straight. I gathered that one was Seungmin because of his baseball t-shirt. Stays knew he loved baseball, saying he would’ve become a baseball player if he hadn’t chosen this path in life. He was the only one watching me walk up to them, catching my eye and staring holes into my head. I didn’t drop his gaze, having the gut feeling that he was watching me for a reason. I just couldn’t point a finger as to why.

Right at the perfect moment, Jeongin turned around to see me approaching, his broad smile only growing wider. 

“Over here!” He was waving me over to the empty seat beside him and Chan, a plate in front of it with a croissant on its center. A glass full of cream-colored liquid was placed in front of that empty seat, waiting for me. He still knew some things about me, proving the years of friendship withstood the idol training I was sure he went through. It didn’t break the kindness in him. 

His smile didn’t fade the closer I got. In fact, I would argue that it got bigger and brighter, only matched by Felix’s with his blonde hair shining in the sun. They all stood when I finally approached the table, awaiting formal introductions from Jeongin.

“Everyone, this is my childhood best friend. She just moved back from the States and she’s coming to the show tonight so we have to do our best for her.” He was still beaming even after he finished, and all the boys took their turns introducing themselves in order around the table. Seungmin was the last, confirming my suspicion that he was the one that was seated beside me. He said his name, not quite smiling or even a polite grimace like Lee Know had. No, he was just staring at me with wide eyes.

“Do I have something on my face?” I whispered to him, trying to break free of his glare. He shook his head. 

“No.” And with that he sat back down, staring at his mug with a slight rosy blush creeping along his cheeks.

Well that was simple enough. I sat back down in the chair and reached for the glass in front of me. “Thanks for ordering for me, I can’t believe you remembered.”

“I was just hoping that your tastebuds hadn’t changed. You’ve been abroad now, you could have acquired an American tongue.”

“Nope, still the same old same old for me. I’m not so easily influenced by others, Innie, you know this.”

“This is true.” He turned to the others. “She once had the whole class trying to tell her that she had something in her hair and she refused to believe it until someone held up a mirror for her!” He started laughing, reliving the memory. The rest of the group chuckled along with him. Then Chan spoke up.

“So what was Jeongin like in school? We only know a little bit, but what was he like as a kid?”

“Oh he was something else. Some days he would be the best little angel ever and others, he would be bouncing off the walls. I never knew what kind of friend I was getting each day. He was a wild card.” I smiled back at Jeongin. “But he’s better now. Now he’s all grown up and singing and dancing with you guys. It's fun to watch.”

“I can’t wait to hear what you think about the show tonight.” The short, dark-haired one, Han, piped up excitedly. “We’ve been working on it for a while. I’m just excited to show Stay. They’re going to love it.”

“Stay is-”

“Your fan base. I know. I might have done some research on the plane ride back.” Jeongin nodded, impressed.

“What else did you find in your ‘research’?” Hyunjin asked. Stay was right, he was prettier in person. Pictures didn’t do him justice. Pictures didn’t do any of them justice. 

“Oh, this and that. I saw something about you being a painter and Chan doesn’t sleep.”

“That about sums me up.” Chan laughed, Hyunjin along with him nodding. “What else did you find?”

“Let’s see… Lee Know-” The boy perked up, now listening closely. “-seems cold but cares the most. Also a great dancer.” Lee Know nodded. “Changbin works out a lot and is quite loud. Can’t wait to find out if that’s actually true or not.”

“It is.” Jeongin rolled his eyes. I laughed. 

“Han is also loud but very funny. And Felix is the cuddle bug.” Felix nodded along with Han. 

“Stay knows us pretty well.”

“And Seungmin…” I paused, not knowing which Stay fact to bring up first. Seungmin was watching me think, like he could watch all of the thoughts going around and around in my head. It was almost like a challenge. “Seungmin is a mystery. He can rap but he doesn’t unless asked. Stay is waiting for a rap part for him, by the way. He’s a ‘quiet-carer’, like Lee Know. And he says some of the most out-of-pocket stuff anyone has ever heard, making him hilarious as well.” Seungmin’s lip twitched, cracking into a smirk. 

“You’ve got it.” He continued smirking, watching my lips move as I spoke. They flickered between my eyes and the other features of my face. It was like I was hypnotized. I couldn’t look away from his features, his eyes locking on mine and watching my every move. I felt my heart beating against my chest bone, hitting it in time with every second that passed by. And then, all of sudden, it stopped beating altogether. And then it was just us. We weren’t outside anymore, it was real-life tunnel vision. He watched me and I watched him just looking at each other. 

And then a sharp cough from somewhere in the distance. 

Seugnmin broke the contact first, looking everywhere to find where the sound that dare interrupt our moment had come from. 

Jeongin had let out one of his signature grandfather coughs again, his eyes wide open watching me and his band mate. 

“I don’t think Seungmin-hyung is that mysterious. And I live with him. Just stay out of his stuff and you’ll be fine.” The boys nodded in agreement, not paying attention to their younger members. “That’s a little tougher for some than others.” He let out another pointed cough. 

“It was ONE TIME.” Felix exclaimed, righteous with indignation and the others bursted out laughing, including Seungmin. I couldn’t help but notice his cheeks pushing up to his eyes when he laughed for real, as opposed to his chuckle earlier while talking to me directly.  

I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. 

*

This place was packed, people of all ages everywhere in various colorful outfits and carrying lightsticks were bouncing all over the place on their way out of the stadium. Girls running to the merchandise lines after the show to grab whatever was left, older moms peering over the crowd to find whomever they were looking for, and venue staff were scattered all around the place, the energy from the concert still setting the place abuzz. 

The show was amazing. I didn’t realize how talented Jeongin was. I knew he would go far in whatever he decided to do in life, but I never knew how far he was really going. It was palpable; the boys loved him. All of them. The way they teased him was reminiscent of how I teased him growing up. He really found a family in all of them. I was happy for him, really.

I watched off to the side in clear view of all of them surrounded by some very passionate fans, bound to get rowdier as the boys kept making their way over. Jeongin made sure to shout me out in his speech in the beginning, saying that he was so excited to perform in front of his childhood friends so as not to make it too obvious who I was. Seungmin found me almost immediately because he was dancing near my side. It was just like earlier; my eyes were drawn to him. The way his body moved, I couldn’t help but watch him even if I was supposed to be watching all of them. My excuse to Jeongin would be that he was the only one right in front of me, but I knew the truth.

 He was doing it on purpose. There was no way he wasn’t. Because everytime he came over my way, he found me again and waved to everyone around me. There was a small voice in the back of my head that was telling me it was meant for me. Or it could have been the smirk that followed his big smile while he waved to everyone around me. While he may not have been looking directly at me when he got over to my side, he was definitely staring me down when he walked away and I watched him until his attention was elsewhere. The more he walked over to our side, the more the fans around me jumped and waved their arms, trying to get anyone’s attention from the stage. When they waved their arms, they narrowly missed my head, sometimes knocking me and causing me to stumble into someone else beside me. Some of these fans are nuts. These hits didn’t go unnoticed by Seungmin though. The way his face fell when they bumped into me caused his big smile to falter, sending the corners of his mouth downwards. The joy on his face disappeared as he stared in our direction, not taking his eyes off our section. He didn’t walk away until I stood back up and returned my attention to him. 

Weirdo.

I was waiting near the stage until a burly man wearing a Stray Kids t-shirt came in and waved me over to take me backstage. Down the dark hallway lit by the same fluorescent lights as the main stage was by now, I spotted a taller figure with dark hair leaning on the wall a ways away from us. He was wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt from what I could tell while being so far away. As we drew closer, he spotted us as well and stood straight, coming to stand right in front of me. He smirked again, just as he had all night long but there was no malice coming from it. No, it was just a mild curiosity. He opened his mouth, possibly to say something snarky as his smirk suggested but just then, Jeongin appeared coming out of a door to our right. 

“Noona! What did you think? Were we any good?” Jeongin smiled brightly, eyes excitedly flicking from one to the other and back again, trying to find my answer. He reached for me, his hand grabbing mine quicker than I could realize what exactly he was reaching for. Seungmin’s gaze darted straight to where our hands connected and his stare could’ve started a fire. If looks could kill, I wouldn't have wanted to be Jeongin at that moment. His deep brown eyes had lost their warmth, void of any playful sparkle I had seen until now as Jeongin dragged me into their dressing room.

*

Next thing I knew, I found myself sitting on the Stray Kids Tour bus on the way back to the hotel for the night instead of in my car, heading back home. And somehow, Seungmin had found himself sitting beside me. Jeongin had escorted me onto the bus, but Seungmin had taken advantage of Jeongin going through his bag of belongings in another section of seats and slid in to occupy the one next to me. I just stared at him, Jeongin unaware of what had just occurred as he continued to shuffle through his bag.

“You’re in my seat.” was all Seungmin said to my stare. 

“So that means you have to sit as close to it as possible?”

“Yes.” And then he put his headphones on. I suspected he used this to avoid Jeongin’s questions because he had just put his bag away. I looked up just in time to see him look confusedly as Seungmin, who had his eyes glued to his phone now. Jeongin looked at me and I shrugged. He did the same and sat in the seat directly in front of me, lightly chuckling. I leaned forward, trying my best to ignore Seungmin’s thigh that was dangerously close to mine. 

“Why is he sitting next to me?”

“I don’t know. He’s a weird one.”

“He said I was sitting in his seat.” Jeongin’s brows furrowed. 

“He doesn’t sit there. He sits near the front most times.” 

I sat back in my seat, bewildered. I nudged Seungmin’s arm until he took his headphones off and when he did, he raised his eyebrow at me. 

“You don’t sit here. What gives?”

“I’m waiting for you to figure it out.” He said with another smirk, a permanent feature around me.

I sat back, stunned and taken aback. He just placed his headphones back on his ears, satisfied with his answer and returned to his phone. 

This was going to be a fun ride.

[translatemunson]

too polite to do it • love-struck

chapter five of love-struck — fic navigation

“Hey,” Spencer said before you could even process what was happening.

“Hi, Spencer. If this is about the case reports, I’m gonna leave everything at your desk tomorrow,” you explained, looking at your laptop’s screen, working on those said reports.

“It’s not about that.” He sounded tired and a little bit out of breath, but that's none of your business. “Can we talk?”

“Sure,” you didn’t want to sound uncertain, but your voice betrayed you. You’ve gone almost two weeks of barely any talk with him — unless it was about the case you were working on —, you were starting to lose hope about, well, everything.

After a weekend at Spencer’s apartment, comforting him regarding all the situation with his mom’s health, you were surely way beyond the walls he had built to protect himself. But the second he pushed you away, for no apparent reason, you knew you misjudged the situation. Maybe his mother was worse, and it was his right to not share more about it, but you showed you cared and were there to help him. So you took a step back and gave him space, waiting for him to reach out.

And maybe it was your worst mistake, because he settled for the work relationship all over again, not even spilling facts about your favourite tea, or the book you were reading, or the city you were going to stay for the case. You couldn’t say you felt like an old case, forgotten under piles of urgent matters, but it felt odd because, if you knew, you wouldn't have turned the status of relationship papers to Hotch a few weeks ago.

“I can hear you thinking all the way over here, Spence.” You put the laptop aside and stared at the wall.

“Sorry, I-hm, I was thinking about the best way to start this. And I don’t think there’s a good reason for what I did the last few days, so it’s best if I start with I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I pushed you aside,” his words poured from his mouth. “So, yeah, I’m sorry.”

“Ok.” You could picture him, the four green walls around him, on the other side of the city. Too distant for your liking, but maybe that was bound to happen. And everything else was nothing but a dream. “It’s ok, I get it. I just- sorry, I can’t do this right now. Can’t do this over the phone.”

“I’m downstairs,” he blunted. “But I get it if you don’t wanna see me right now. Just tell me when and where, and I’ll be there.”

“If you’re gonna break my heart, let’s just get over with it, shall we?”

“You’re wrong.”

“That you’re gonna break my heart? Of course you won’t, you’re too polite to do it, so I did it myself.” You walked to your front door, phone pressed against your ear, but already imagining the man outside, waiting.

You unlocked the door, seeing Spencer in his work clothes, the FBI badge still hung on his belt. The uneven hair and blank expression threw you in two different directions: how could he sound torn, look like he hasn't slept for ages, but still have a pretty face so hard to read?

“Hello, Spencer,” your voice was cold as the weather outside. You turned off your phone and stepped aside to let him in. You closed the door behind you, and he didn’t go too far from you.

“Statistically, when you state something, you’re 89% percent right, which is a pretty high number, but with an IQ of 159, it’s expected. However, this time you’re wrong.” His hands gripped the satchel bag strap nervously. “Of all the probabilities, I’m not here to break your heart.”

“So why does it feel like that?” You stared at the ceiling, blinking so you could delay the tears. “Not gonna say you’re inexperienced in relationships as a plausible excuse for what you did because that’s bullshit. You’ve read all these books about anything and everything, and still you decided that I’m not allowed to see you at your worst.”

“Don’t say it like that.”

“Just because it’s the truth? You pushed your friends aside, you closed the door in my face, too afraid to let us help more, to let us carry a little of your pain. For a genius, you’re pretty dumb, Reid.”

You stared at him, tears pouring down your red cheeks and shaken words. His eyes were on you, but it was almost impossible to know what was going on.

“We were friends before we were lovers. If I ever showed you signs I’m not trustworthy, please just say it, ok?” You pushed him for an answer, for just a glimpse of his thoughts. “Tell me if I got it wrong, and just… just break my heart.”

Spencer took off his bag, his badge, his winter coat, like he was stripping down from that armor he wore because of what he's been through and his job. The silence never suited him, words, facts, stories filling the room before people could even doubt his skills.

“It’s not just about my mom having a few bad days with the new meds. The LA case took a toll on me because I finally realized I’m not gonna be able to protect everyone I love forever, so I had to take some time to understand that. And I needed to do that alone.” He held your face gently, stroking the tears away. “I never intended to hurt you, to push you aside for this long. And I’m really sorry for hurting you while I was thinking of ways to do the opposite. Because I want to protect you.”

You covered his hands with yours, telling him you couldn’t bear staying away. Please, don’t fade away like an old memory, you silently begged him.

“I know not even all the sorrys in the world will do, and I’m probably gonna make a thousand more mistakes, but I’ll never push you aside again. Never.”

As to confirm his intentions, he took a step closer. And then another one. He lowered his head until he was just inches away from you.

“I trust you,” he kissed your forehead. “Seeing you sad and quiet broke my heart,” one kiss on your right cheek. “You won’t ever break your heart again because I won’t let you do it to yourself,” the skin on your left cheek was damp from the tears. “And I’ll sit and let you pour your heart out after what I did, even if the truth hurts. But I deserve your anger, and I’ll prove to be worthy of your love until I’m out of ideas.”

You’d have a long road ahead, you knew that. And you were going to make mistakes, and be in the same position Spencer was. And you were gonna find your way back to him, gonna be a better person for him and for the world. Just because people were mean to you or you faced the most dangerous psychopaths and situations, it was no excuse to be like them.

“We know promises are inherently hard to keep, but I promise, Spence, I will never let you go again,” you said.

“And I promise I won’t break your heart.”

You closed your eyes, the only question you wanted to ask him before you could leave this all behind and move to a better relationship on the tip of your tongue. Spencer was great with numbers, geographical profiles, and a long list of facts he knew by heart. And you were great at analyzing people’s words, from their intonation to their commas and periods.

“You said something before.”

“I kinda said a lot of things, do you want me to repeat?” he joked, lighthearted.

“You want to protect the ones you love. Not just because it’s part of your job, but because you love them,” you dogged the question, hoping he was smart enough to pick the queues.

“And look how that ended up.”

“Once I read this really cheesy book from Alan Cohen, he said ‘When you protect yourself from pain, be sure you do not protect yourself from love’.”

It was like watching the wheels turning on his brilliant mind, but not getting far enough to hear the words that are almost slipping out of your mouth. You moved a little bit of his hair away from his face, taking in all the details slowly as you touched his face.

“I forgive you, Spence.” His warm brown eyes watched you and your every movement. “Do you wanna stay the night? I need to finish the-”

“Yes. And I’ll help you with the reports tomorrow,” he held your hands, pushing your skin closer to his, “and take you to a vintage store I found the other day. I think you’re gonna like it. And then we can go out for some Indian or Mexican food.”

“Perfect. Now come here,” you brought Spence along until you both fell on your couch.

You turned the TV on, but as soon as his hands started to move up and down your back, and your legs intertwined, you fell into a deep sleep — perhaps the best you had in weeks. His kisses were smooth and light as a feather, but they were enough to bring you back together and then screw your mind forever.

a/n: i'm not the best writer in english (i barely survive as one in my first language), but i tried my best! once again, thanks to the love of my life kay @munsonsreputation for the feedback and constant inspiration! hope y'all like it, let me know if i should bring more chapters in this format!

next chapter: wherever you stray, i follow

[chasedbyatlantic]

beach baby, joel miller

summary: IN WHICH — while driving out along the coast, joel miller decides to surprise you with one of your favourite things - a visit to the beach.

warnings: post outbreak!joel, jackson era!joel, gender neutral!reader, implied/established relationship, love dovey joel, literally joel being husband material, relationship things, stripping, swearing. lmk if i missed anything!

wordcount: 2.5k

a/n: this and puppy love are tied for my fav fics rn. i am genuinely obsessed w this like i can imagine him doing this so vividly ugh. also! i opened my requests so gogogo and request any sort of fics! remember to reblog, comment, like and follow for updates on new fics. love u all xoxo

—

It had been years since the two of you had travelled together, outside of the walls. Of course, you weren't complaining about the safety that the walls had provided you and Joel, but you missed it. You missed the thrill, the always-on-edge feeling you got when travelling hundreds of miles from safety. Plus, to be quite honest, you missed when it was just you and Joel. Of course you had loved Ellie with everything in you, but there was just something that happened with you when you were by yourself with him; a euphoric feeling- a feeling you only got when you were with the man you loved.

Joel had gotten clearance (like he needed it, he would've just left anyway) from Tommy weeks prior to your departure from Jackson. Though you would only be gone for a month or two, Tommy had to reschedule people into your shifts at work and what not. When he had asked Joel on where he was going, he got no answer. Joel didn't know himself, usually he was a 'prepare for everything' type of person, but lately he has been more of a 'i'll go wherever the road takes me' guy.

The last time you were awake, it had to be hours ago at this point, the window was rolled far down and some sort of song by The Beach Boys was playing on the stereo (Joel had installed one just for you, as you proclaimed your undying love for music more times than he could keep track of). This time of the year was your favourite - it was summer. The days were long, the sun was out, and your hair grew a shade lighter. Joel, on the other hand, hated summer. He hated the way his clothes would cling onto him, and the way sweat would roll down his neck the second he stepped outside.

Joel had told you that you guys were going to head to California. Apparently there was a trader that he knew from a while back that he needed to pay a visit to, and had asked you if you were in for the ride. Without a doubt, you were. This lead you to the current moment.

You had moved around a little bit in the passenger seat of Joel's pickup truck, it wasn't the most comfortable. Although, you hadn't minded. Wind was still blowing in your face and through your hair, which had muted out the sounds of the familiar song you had fallen asleep to. As you attempt to stretch your leg and shift around, you can feel pressure holding it down. You had opened your eyes and glanced down, blurred vision, to observe Joel's hand resting upon your thigh.

You had exhaled as you sunk back further into your seat, life felt good- it felt normal. Joel's hand had reached up off your thigh for a split second to turn down the stereo a bit, but his hand took his returning place on the open of your skin. "You were out for hours, darlin'." You had only hummed in response (since you were only half awake, not completely aware of where you were).

"We're in California, crossed the border 'bout'n hour ago." This caused you to glance over at Joel driving. One hand on the wheel, sleeves rolled up, focused- god, if he wasn't driving you'd tell him to get in the back seat. "How long 'til we're at this place you're takin' me to?" You had to rip yourself out of the depths of your imagination after seeing him like this.

Joel had hummed to himself, attempting to mental math his way through the question you asked. "Don't know baby, before sun fall I'm guessin'." That was a good enough answer for you. You had brought your hand to rest on top of his over your thigh, and you could feel his grip loosen a bit once you did this. Joel always had to have a part of his body on yours, his love language most definitely being physical touch. In reality, though, he was afraid that if he let go of you- you'd disappear with the blink of an eye.

With the next few hours of just you and him talking about anything and everything, you had finally noticed the sun start to set. You hadn't even realized the day was almost gone. Being deep in thought with the hunk of a man right beside you had its cons, you had guessed. Right before you had opened your mouth, Joel beat you to it, "Gonna pull over here, I'll finish the drive tomorrow."

He did just as he said and took a right into an open field, the car ride became about fifty times bumpier than previously which you weren't a fan of. Though, it was over soon, Joel had found a nice place tucked just after the tree line for you guys to spend the night in. "Backseat?" He had questioned, glancing over at you.

"Jesus Christ, at least take me out to dinner first!" Had escaped your lips, followed with a bunch of laughs. Joel couldn't help but turn his neutral look into a happy one, a few chuckles in sync with yours. He loved you, but he loved you even more when you were like this. To say you being cocky and arrogant in a joking way turned him on was an understatement.

"The car'll get a flat if we do anythin' in that sorts, ya' know that." He had (sort of, not really) scolded you once both of your laughs had calmed down. A fake frown was now plastered on top of the beaming smile, sighing with a small 'fine'. All jokes aside, you had gotten out of the truck to hop in the backseat. Not for any funny business (unfortunately), but for actual sleep. Joel had beaten you there by just (in a bad fashion) crawling through the middle piece.

The seats had already been down from the nights previous, with the sheets and pillows already in place. Joel had already taken his shirt off and was laying down, stomach side up. You couldn't help but admire him as you switched what you were wearing to become more comfortable. "Starin' ain't well-mannered, doll." This resulted in you laying down beside him, stomach side down.

"You love it, don't lie." Joel could only chuckle in response as he drooped his arm around your waist. Sweet nothings were whispered to each other for the next while before one or the other fell asleep, you couldn't really remember. Nights like this were the most uncomfortable thing, but you found comfort in the man beside you every time.

You woke up without the feeling of your man wrapped around you, which wasn't a good start to your day. You had only figured that he had probably gotten an early start to his day (once again), in the driver's seat was the new normal for Joel, at least for the last month.

You felt the sun beaming in your face- it was blinding, even with your eyes tightly shut. This had indicated to you that you were no longer in the forest, and for sure on the road. "Joel." You had hummed, moving around a tad bit.

There wasn't a response, he had to have been concentrated on the road- or you were just quieter than you thought. "Joel." You hummed once again, a yawn soon following suit. The only sound that had returned was the sounds of birds chirping, and- a sound you couldn't recognize. You brain was going about a hundred miles an hour, but you couldn't place what it was.

Now pissed off with him, you sat up and looking around. Your eyes were glossy at it was too bright to properly see anything- but you could see the empty driver's seat. "This isn't fucking funny!" You began to panic. Why didn't he wake you, why didn't he tell you where he was going, was he safe?

The thoughts were emptied out of your head when you heard him call your name, you immediately turn your head left and look out the window. It was Joel, thank god, but was that- it couldn't be, there was no way.

A beach.

"Holy fuckin' shi-" You were interrupted by the back door quickly opening, and Joel reaching his hand out. "Surprise." Surprise? This was more than just a surprise, to you. This was heaven. You thought you had already met heaven when you met Joel Miller, but this? This came to a close second.

You grabbed his hand and he pulled you out (carefully and what not). This man had the biggest smile on his face, ever. He knew this would make you happy, you always told him stories about when you were younger. Your grandparents had owned a little cottage on the water before they had passed, years and years ago.

"I cannot fuckin' believe it, Joel!" You sounded like you were going to bawl. You were, to be honest. Why was he so good to you- he didn't need to be, you felt as if you didn't deserve it. If anyone deserved surprises like this, it was Joel.

"Well ya' better start to, I ain't goin' swimmin' by myself." If anyone had a bigger smile than you right now, it was him (and it was a genuine one, too). You had brought your lips to him in a quick, but hungry, fashion. He didn't hesitate to kiss you back, there was nobody around to worry about seeing you two like this.

After a moment, you pulled back. You had immediately turned around and stripped, just leaving your undergarments on. Joel had adverted his eyes, despite seeing you with less on millions of times. After the last shoe was pulled off your foot, you turned back around. He had tried his hardest to keep his eyes on yours, not to trail them down your curved body. You had to do the same, Joel was just in his boxers and- well, it was a sight, to say the least.

You grab Joel's hand, intertwining your fingers between each other. He glances down, another small smile raising to his lips. This didn't last for long, though. Within the blink of an eye, you were racing down the burning hot sand toward the water with Joel following suit (not by choice, he would've loved to take his time).

It feels like a thousand needles are piercing you - the water is so cold, but you don't care. All you wanted was to swim. You had let go of Joel's hand before you completely dived into the water (once deep enough, of course). You were fully submerged and swimming for what felt like forever. You loved this, you craved it.

You remerged a couple yards away from Joel, who was still standing on the shore looking absolutely breathtaking, to say the least. "What're you waiting for? Get your fine ass in here!" You had called out to him. Joel took some baby steps in, but not past his ankle. You had shook your head, before an idea hit you.

You had swam over to Joel, eventually standing up when it was shallow enough. You had opened your arms as you approached him, giving him the hint you were going to give him a hug. "You do that darlin', an' I ain't drivin' your pretty ass back home." Joel sounded serious, but you knew he would never leave you.

"Yes you will." You argued to him, still approaching. The man in front took a hesitant step back, not trusting you. Quickly, before Joel could do anything else, you ambush. You jumped full force at him and wrap your arms around his neck, he cringes. He cringes so hard that he almost dropped you. Almost.

Joel had let out a moan, now freezing cold. With you in his arms, practically in tears from laughter, he finds a way to get payback at you. Now that he was wet, he decided to charge deeper in the water (you still in his arms). You let out a squeal once Joel was shoulder deep, both syncing your laughs shortly after.

Joel had let go of you, and now you were treading. Since it was up to his shoulders, it was above your head. "You're perfect, ya' know." His hand had found yours under the water, you let him hold it. "I am? Baby, ya' did all this for me. If anyone's perfect-" You brought your free hand to Joel's cheek, cupping it, "-It's you." He couldn't help but let a smile shine through his face.

It was true, if you searched up "perfect" in the dictionary Joel Miller would come up. He brought out the best of you, even on days where you couldn't get out of bed. He made your world, even if it was nearing the end of everyone else's.

Hours later, once you two were completely red from too much sun and heat-tired, you lay in the back of Joel's pickup truck. It was night, pitch black. The waves were crashing alongside the waterline, and the birds had gone to rest. It was warm outside, but due to too much sun, the both of you were freezing. You were cuddled underneath a spare blanket that Joel had packed away before you guys left Jackson, bodies tangled with each other.

Today was the best day you had in a while- no, the best day you had period. Granted, anyday with Joel was a blessing, but today was different. You didn't have to survive, you got to take life for granted for a few hours.

You weren't the only one who enjoyed the day, Joel did too (if it wasn't clear). He needed both a mental and physical break after driving for hours and hours for weeks. When finding this beach while you were asleep, he knew it was perfect. Granted, he went and checked it out while you were sleeping to make sure everything was safe for you guys (it was), and that just added to his mood.

Light pollution wasn't a thing anymore, at least not in rural California, so you got to see the stars. Not just one or two, every star. "Joel," You spoke, squeezing his hand that was wrapped around your shoulder. He hummed in response, too tired for words. "The brightest stars in the sky, the one on the left is Spica, and the one on the right is Arcturus."

He looked up, almost surprised you knew this. He didn't take you to be an astronomy girl. "You're too smart for ya' own good." His finger rubbed up and down on top of your shoulder. You had leaned farther back into him, so carefree.

"I'm happy I got to be your beach baby." You blurt out, not really thinking about what you had said. This earned a quiet chuckle to escape from the man's lips. "You can be my beach baby any day ya' want." Joel's grip tightened around you, the pressure of his head was now felt on top of yours.

Everyday spent with this man was a good day- no, a great day. Being alive was luck, but being alive with your best friend was fate. You will never forget today, the day Joel Miller took you to a beach for the first time. You will never forget the look he had when he watched you being the happiest you've been in so long. For as long as you live, you'll never forget that you're Joel Miller's beach baby.

—

beach baby, bon iver

[the-ace-with-spades]

Part 1 (or some of it) of a 5+1 jealous! Eddie fic I started ages ago back when Eddie was still dating Ana... Or Buck starts dating a guy, Eddie has a realization (or five) about Buck's taste in men and is entirely ridiculous about it

Buck’d been weird the last few weeks. Eddie couldn’t pinpoint in what way, or why, or even what changed, but he had been weird and it was unsettling Eddie — Buck was his rock, his one constant, his own anchor. Usually, being weird meant Buck was having problems he didn’t want anyone to know but it didn’t seem to be the case this time — there was no tenseness to him, no dropped shoulders, no distant looks. Eddie decided to wait. It wasn’t like he could force Buck into talking about it, even if he had known what it was.

So instead Eddie took a well-deserved shower and changed his uniform for a new one — the last call was nasty — and tried to look unsuspicious as he climbed up to the loft, taking a quick look at Bobby, preparing lunch, with Chim as the dishwasher, and then instantly turning to Buck and Hen. Hen was going over her medical textbooks again, but it was clear she wasn’t into it today, it had been a long day and it was showing on everyone.

But Buck didn’t look even a bit tired

“Do you want to stay the night today? Chris has been asking about building a fort again and you know I hate it—”

But before he could make even more poorly worded excuses that Buck usually would be tricked into while ignoring the obvious hope in Eddie’s voice, Hen said, from the other end of the table, “Isn’t it the date night tonight?”

Eddie frowned. He didn’t have a habit of telling anyone from the team about his dates with Marisol — aside from Buck — and he certainly didn’t have another date planned at least for a week.

Eddie opened his mouth—

And Buck froze, wide eyes blinking, and Eddie could see his face turning red, his skin getting blotchy down to the neck of his navy blue collar.

“Hen,” he said, sounding a bit breathless.

"What? I lasted long enough, you've been checking your phone all day, lover boy," Hen said, putting her book down on her lap.

She had that familiar quirked brow, like she was unimpressed, but she also looked at Buck like he was the punchline to a joke she was in the process of making.

She was obviously wrong because Buck would have told him if he was going on a date.

Or not.

"It's still new," Buck said, still red in the face. At that point, even his ears were turning red. "I'm excited, sue me."

"No lawsuits in this firehouse," Chim shouted from the kitchen.

There was a familiar sound and Chim groaned quietly from the kitchen annex—Bobby swatted his arm with the dishcloth.

"Hate to break it to you, but you two have been dating for almost two months, it's not new," Hen pointed out.

And that was alarming information. Because Eddie could understand not knowing about Buck's first date or even second date but this? This meant he had been kept in the dark for many of those dates already and going by the lack of reaction from anyone else, he was the only one.

"Two months?" he asked, moving closer to the couch Buck was sitting on. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"It's new," Buck repeated. Which was a weak excuse — it's been two months apparently and everyone else knew already.

"Is our Buckaroo shy?" Hen said, leaning over the table like she wanted to pinch Buck's very pink and very pouting cheeks. She probably would have if they were sitting closer.

"Maybe," Buck said, shrugging. “Maybe I just don’t want him to run away the minute he meets you guys.”

"Come on, Buckley," Chim perked up, coming from the kitchen and draping himself over the back of Hen's backseat. "You know if he did, he wouldn't be worth it. And Maddie's been asking for a coffee date with him for weeks now because you go on, like, two dates a week, at least."

There were a couple of seconds Buck opening and closing his mouth, like a fish underwater, and Eddie waited for an explanation. Any kind of explanation, really.

"We're taking it slow," is all Buck answered it with, like a broken machine.

And those were the exact same words Eddie had been using while describing his relationship with Marisol, but somehow it didn’t make him feel better about it. Quite the opposite — it suddenly felt like he couldn't let his breath out, like he was about to punch something in a second and couldn't get the air in his lungs out until he was about to collide his first with this something.

"Come on, kid," Hen said, sounding very close to the original punchline. This time, she leaned over the table and patted Buck's knee. Chim stood behind her with a smirk that suggested he was also on in the punchline.

Eddie couldn't see anything funny about this.

At the pat, Buck looked at Hen, then he looked at Eddie, a bit wide-eyed, and Eddie couldn't help crossing his arms over his chest. At that, Buck abruptly stood up, hopping over the table's edge with his usual energy, narrowly avoiding him and stepping into the direction of the kitchen.

"Do you need any help, Cap?"

As soon as he said that, in a tone that was slightly too high-pitched to be genuine, his phone rang from his back pocket. Everyone turned to him and Hen snorted, sharing an amused look behind her shoulder with Chimney.

Bobby turned around from the stove with an equally amused gaze, even though he tried to hide it even more.

The ringtone was unfamiliar and irritating.

"No, not for now, but thank you," Bobby said, his eyebrows raising meaningfully before he added, "You should probably get that, don't want to keep him waiting. Dinner in ten."

Buck walked away, taking his phone back out of his pocket. He smiled at the screen and it was the same smile he had when Eddie showed him whatever picture of Chris Carla had sent him that day — soft and calm and a bit dreamy. Eddie didn’t like it.

He liked it even less when Buck finally picked the call and in a tone somehow even softer, answered with a, “Hey.” 

He didn't like it. In fact, he hadn't liked the whole conversation to begin with and the way everyone had been so casual about Buck dating some girl they never met was—

"Wait," he blurted out, "did Buck say he?"

“Yeah?” Chim said, casually sitting down next to Hen and picking up the remote to the TV. “I think the guy’s name is something starting with a d? David, maybe? Maddie would know, I try to tune their talks out, Buck’s like another annoying little brother to me, I don’t need to hear him gush about his date’s eyes.”

“Oh my,” Hen exclaimed, putting down her book on the table now and turning to Chimney like he held all the secrets of the world. “Buck gushes about the guy’s eyes?”

Suddenly, Chim froze, staring into space with the remote hovering in the air, like he realized he had said too much.

“I didn’t say that,” he replied finally, words coming out of his mouth too quickly.

Eddie was unimpressed—deeply.

“I’m sorry, are we going to ignore the whole he part? Since when Buck dates guys?”

At that, Chim relaxed, even though Hen was still looking at him like he was the main source of gossip. Which he was.

“I mean, Buck is bisexual, I think? He’s been out basically since his first week here.”

“Pansexual,” Hen corrected. Or Eddie supposed she corrected, because he had no idea what pansexual meant, aside from that it meant that Buck dates men. And that was the whole point of this, whatever this was.

"Buck isn't straight?"

"What?" Hen asked, glancing at him, book already back in her hand. "You're acting like this is brand new information."

"This is brand new information."

"I mean, you weren't here for the Buck 1.0 but I figured you would know by now," Chim remarked, a bit confused.

"Yeah, he went to Pride with Karen and I the first year you were here, got so drunk we had to drag his body out of the bar and into the car. He slept on our kitchen floor," Hen explained, shaking her head a bit. She frowned again, adjusting her glasses. "I'm sure I told you about it."

She did. She did and Eddie hadn’t connected the dots—their going-out being on the date of Pride and the bar Hen mentioned being in West Hollywood—and let himself think that Buck was not only out of his league but also playing a completely different sport for another three years, almost.

“Eddie,” Hen spoke up again, this time her tone reminding him of the way she spoke to kids on their calls. “He’s still Buck. Let him have this.”

“Yeah,” Chim chorused. “I haven’t seen the guy so enthusiastic about someone in a very long time. He’s this close to being lovesick again.”

Chim raised his hand, his thumb and point index finger so close it almost looked like they were touching. Eddie glared at them, not appeased at all.

“How do you know this—this guy—” He couldn’t even say this. He would’ve known. Buck would’ve told him. He didn’t like this at all. “—is actually good for him? How do you know it’s not another Abby or Veronica or Taylor or—”

“Or?” Hen prodded.

“Look, Buck is trying to move on,” Chim began, confusing Eddie even more.

“Chim—”

Chim got a slap to the arm from Hen for whatever he was saying but Chim continued nonetheless.

“Let him be happy, alright? Let him fall in love with this guy first and worry later.”

He crossed his arms again — didn't like it. In fact, he didn't understand why no one was sharing the same feeling. “You talk about it like he already did.”

“Buck loves easy but he doesn’t fall in love easy,” Hen said, like Eddie didn't know that already. Like it wasn't the part that was scaring him the most about this situation. Because they were talking about it like Buck was already deep enough with this guy — a guy that Eddie didn't even know existed five minutes ago, a guy that Eddie didn't even know was an option for Buck — like he was already falling for him. “They are really taking it slow, I bet, snail-pace probably. Just, support him with this, Eddie. It’s the least we can do.”

Both Chim and Hen looked at him expecting him to fold and that just didn't sit with them well. Buck was dating some guy, some guy they hadn't even met yet, for months and he didn't tell Eddie. How could they not just feel the same dread, the drop in the stomach, and the heat in the chest, as Eddie did? It was wrong and he could feel it. He couldn't just let it be.

He turned to Bobby, looking for help. “You’re not going to say anything about it?”

Bobby shrugged, not glancing up from where he was counting plates.

“Buck is like a—" he began and then he frowned. "Buck is important to me, to this family. We can’t shield him from everything we want to and I think,” he finally said. “I think it’s good that he is getting out there, I think that he needs to have someone, needs to feel like he isn’t alone.”

That didn't help the dread worse — that made the dread worse, his whole body stiffening like he was a step away from turning into a statue. It didn't help the burn under his heart and all his mind could think was it's wrong, it's wrong, wrong, wrong, wrongwrongwrong.

“He isn’t alone. He has me and Chris,” he replied over the knot in his throat.

Chin snorted to his left, somewhere vaguely in the background. “You really think he will be alright his whole life with you and—”

“Buck is the one making decisions,” Bobby interrupted. “He’s an adult. If he asks for advice, we’ll give it to him and if not and things fall through, we’ll be there for him. End of the discussion.”

[weirdkpopgirl]

Starving Yourself | Dream Reaction #6

Reaction: When their gf skips meals

Genre: Angst, slight fluff

Warnings: subtle mention of eating disorders, body image issues, lots of crying (I apologize)

Word Count: 3435k

Author's Note: I've had this subject in the back of my mind for a while now. A few days ago, I just got into it and thankfully finished today. I want to first credit my friend who helped me come up with scenarios for this lol.

Just a little disclaimer, I wanted to say something for those with poor body image. I feel like you hear things like this a lot, and you might read more things like "oh I also struggle too," and "please don't feel bad about yourself." When I was working on this, I did write some of the stories based on experience. So I don't have any right to advise on improving your self-esteem or working to have better eating habits. I'd be a hypocrite if I said those things. All I can say is that I know how what self-hatred is like, and how it can take you down some dark paths.

Please stay strong. I am very sorry for how long this note is 😅

~ ~ ~

MARK

His life was going normally, being a workaholic as always. At the same time, he felt more at ease since he was dating you. The other night, you guys went out on a movie date to see the new Black Panther film. It wasn’t until near the end of the movie that he noticed the popcorn you bought was barely touched. But knowing your slight dislike for greasy foods, Mark didn't think too much about it.

After dropping you off, he returned to his dorm. He was met by the Dream members who appeared to have been waiting for him.  They watched quietly as their leader removed his shoes and took his jacket off.

“Hyung?” Jisung asked cautiously.

“Yeah? What’s up?” The Dreamies exchanged looks with each other that he couldn’t quite read. Was it uncertainty?

“I don’t think he knows,” Chenle murmured, causing Mark’s brows to furrow in confusion.

“Know what?”

Chenle glanced at his hyung, and back toward the members beside him. But he was going to tell Mark the truth no matter what.

“That (Y/n) collapsed at her university last week.”

Mark stepped back, clearly shocked by this news. “What? Why?!”

“Apparently she wasn’t eating much,” answered Jaemin.

“She’s your girlfriend. Didn’t you notice something was off?” Haechan’s voice raised slightly. As one of your good friends, the singer couldn’t help but show his irritation. He knew Mark had been so caught up in work recently. But you’ve been struggling for a long time now.

Now in distress, Mark ran a hand through his hair as he searched his memory for anything he might’ve missed. He paused for a moment, remembering the popcorn from earlier. Then he was dashing back out the door, despite it starting to rain.

That was how you heard the sound of your doorbell ringing close to midnight. Luckily you were awake, but you were surprised to see Mark soaking wet. He also looked as if he was about to cry any second.

Despite your befuddlement, you pulled the man inside so he could change into some dry clothes. Mark would bring up to you what the guys told him earlier. At that moment, you began to regret hiding your problems from your boyfriend. You’ve never seen him so worried before.

You spent the rest of the evening—or morning cuddling in bed. Mark kept repeating how much he loved you and apologized for making you feel like you couldn’t come to him. All he sincerely wished for was for you to be happy and healthy. He wasn't going to allow another incident to happen.

✎__________________________________________________________

RENJUN

You had spent nearly an hour getting ready to meet up with Renjun’s parents. Seeing them was the first thing on your list for a weekend trip to your boyfriend’s hometown. It’s been nearly a year since you last met his parents, which made you more nervous than usual.

Renjun’s eyes lit up when you finally came out of the bathroom. He instantly recognized the white blouse with a dark blue floral print and the matching blue skirt you were wearing. It was the outfit he bought you not too long ago. 

“Wow, you look so pretty!” He exhaled. There was no hiding how taken away he was with you.

Even though you didn’t agree with his compliment, you thanked him shyly. Renjun noticed something wasn’t quite right pretty fast. The previous times you were about to meet his parents didn’t feel like this. But he couldn’t pinpoint why things felt strange with you.

Deciding to not dwindle on it, you guys left the hotel to meet up with Renjun’s parents at a restaurant. His mother quickly stood up when she spotted you two coming in. While she happily hugged her son, you exchanged greetings with his father.

“It’s so nice to see you again, (Y/n),” Mr. Huang smiled warmly.

You bowed your head politely, “Thank you. I’m sorry it’s been so long.”

Mrs. Huang pulled away from her son to get a better look at you. Her eyes filled with slight concern, and she took your hands. “My Dear, you’ve gotten skinnier!”

That's what it was. Renjun now knew what he was wondering about earlier. Preoccupied with carrying on a conversation with his mom and dad, you didn’t notice how he observed you throughout dinner. He waited until you guys came back to your hotel room to confront you.

“(Y/n), are you okay?”

Your body tensed slightly at his question. “Of course I am. What makes you ask that?”

“It’s just—you’ve become so thin lately. Also, you barely ate anything tonight, and you love Chinese food,” He pointed out. “Sweetheart, what’s going on?”

Honestly, you felt like you’ve been playing a game over the past few weeks. Wondering how long you could hide your unhealthy eating habits from Renjun. Of course, it didn’t take him very long.

Your eyes dropped to the floor. “Nothing—I just haven’t been hungry recently.”

“(Y/n)-ah, please don’t lie. You have to eat,” Renjun chastised. 

He walked over to your side and lifted your chin with the tips of his fingers. “Now I know why you’ve been so tired lately. If you keep this up, you can faint or something worse might happen.”

“I’m sorry. I guess, I just wanted to look my best for you and your parents,” You admitted, after a short pause. 

In return, Renjun pressed his lips against your forehead. “For the record, my parents love you, and so do I. You don’t need to change anything about yourself. Especially if your health is at risk.”

You melted into his touch, and let yourself sink into his embrace. Renjun was always there to reassure you that you were more than enough for him.

✎__________________________________________________________

JENO

Jeno and you were a newer couple, after having met through mutual friends at university. His major was computer programming, while you studied creative writing. So your schedules were different, but you did share one class. 

Your boyfriend was the one to convince you to take dance. Honestly, you were a little reluctant at first. But you ended up signing up for the class to spend more time with him. Since Jeno was more athletic, dancing was a lot easier for him. You…not so much. It was still fun, despite the increasing levels of anxiety the class gave you every week.

One afternoon, you met up after both of your classes finished. That’s when he asked to eat lunch together later. Yeah, a typical thing for a just-got-into-a-relationship boyfriend.

You agreed to his sweet offer. But you didn’t think when you jokingly added that it felt weird since you usually ate one meal a day. Jeno turned to you in astonishment.

“Eo? Only once?!” 

Confused by his reaction, you slowly nodded. “Yeah…”

He stopped walking and moved his hand to your shoulder.

“(Y/n)-ah, that isn’t healthy,” He lightly scolded. 

But you quickly brushed off his concern for your eating habits. You took his hand and dragged him to the school’s dance studio. “It’s not a big deal, Jeno-ssi. We better hurry, class starts soon.”

In spite of Jeno being slightly wary, you seemed to be learning the new dance routine fairly smoothly. That was until you were changing formations and you started to become dizzy. Huffing quietly, you shook your head to dismiss the slow onset of a headache and kept up with the next moves. This feeling was something you were used to whenever you did any intense physical activity. 

However, things were different when the room suddenly began to spin. Your legs were the first to give out, shortly after. Wincing, you pressed your knuckles against your forehead. Gasps and words you couldn’t process only irritated you more. Fortunately, Jeno rushed to pick you up off the ground and carried you to the health office.

The nurse checked up on you after getting settled. “Did you eat anything today?” She asked. 

Jeno couldn’t hide a scoff when you told the woman you had. He frowned when the nurse advised you to rest. Once she left, Jeno allowed himself to sigh.

“(Y/n), you need to eat more.”

“I-I think I just need rest,” You contradicted him.

The boy crossed his arms in persistence. “How can you rest when you have a headache because you don’t eat three meals a day?”

His tone softened a bit when he realized how fatigued you were. Lecturing wasn’t going to help you in this state. With another sigh, he made his way to the chair you were sitting in.

“Rest for now,” He said gently. “I’ll bring you something to eat.”

Jeno petted your head and pecked you on the lips before dashing out of the room. You waited anxiously for about 15 minutes before your boyfriend came back with assorted types of kimbap. He must’ve bought some from the nearby stand owned by a halmeoni.

You almost cried when he opened the wrapper and fed you. For the first time, someone showed you that they cared. Though you were both early in the relationship, you couldn’t stop yourself from falling deeper for Lee Jeno. Most likely, love.

✎__________________________________________________________

HAECHAN

Due to upcoming exams, you and Haechan spent your Saturday afternoon in the library preparing. Studying on a weekend may not be an ideal date in Haechan’s opinion. At the same time, he knew how stressed you got when exam season came around. But that didn’t stop him from complaining now and then.

“Aish, I missed breakfast because Jaemin was taking too long,” Haechan groaned.

He pouted when he received no response from you. His salty mood prevented him from getting anything done. On the other hand, you were ultra-focused on finishing up an essay for one of your English classes. However, you snapped out of your zone by Haechan’s hand tapping on the corner of your laptop.

“Are you hungry too? Did you have breakfast?”

Almost instinctively, you replied to his question with a simple “no.” You shook your head when he asked if your roommate was also running late this morning.

“I just forgot,” You said absentmindedly.

He watched your eyes flicker back to the computer screen in front of you. It kind of seemed like you wanted to end the conversation quickly. But you couldn’t escape your boyfriend that easily.

Then he asked, “How do you forget to eat breakfast?”

The cool expression on your face slowly faded, as you stopped to think for a moment. Lately, finals haven't only been your source of stress. This past month was spent traveling back and forth between Seoul and Pohang to take care of your sick mother. On top of that, you were balancing school life and hiding your problems from everyone. You guessed self-neglect was a result of all that.

Haechan noticed your sudden change and instantly became worried when tears formed in your eyes. He proceeded to reach his hand across the table to take yours.

“(Y/n), is everything okay?”

You promptly clasped your opposite hand over your mouth to muffle your sobs. At least you still had half the mind to cry quietly, remembering you were at a library. Usually, you were the last person to have an emotional outburst. But Haechan’s question made you realize how not okay you were.

Fortunately, your boyfriend was quick to act and rushed to your side. His arms wrapped around your shoulders, holding you in a tight embrace that would hopefully calm you down. 

A few minutes later, Haechan closed your laptop. “Okay, you’re going to stop thinking about school for the rest of the day.”

“Hyuck…” You wanted to argue, though you knew he was already standing up and packing your things away.

“You can tell me what’s been bothering you over lunch,” He added, “Does jjamppong sound okay?”

Haechan had no idea what was causing you to break down, or why you weren’t taking care of yourself. But getting you to eat was his priority, and he started by recommending your favorite dish. 

Since then, he’s become a lot more protective and gone out of his way to take care of you more. Whenever he was down, you were always there to support him. So that’s what he was going to do for you.

✎__________________________________________________________

JAEMIN

The first thing he did after getting out of bed was to look for you. He was a little sulky that you didn’t get to wake up together. Especially since he hasn’t seen you in one month and two weeks. Jaemin loved his job, but he hated how it also brought this distance in between you two. What made him feel worse was how you never complained. Not even this time, when he showed up at your apartment at one a.m. Instead of scolding him for coming over at such a crazy hour or for walking to your place in the cold, you simply led him into your room to get some much-needed sleep.

Luckily, it didn’t take long for Jaemin to find you. He was greeted by one of his favorite aromas when entering the kitchen. And there you were at the counter, carefully pouring a pot of steaming dark liquid into a blue mug. Watching you he realized you had gotten up early to make coffee for him.

As his heart swelled with a dozen emotions, he walked up to stand behind you. Barely startled by his presence, you merely glanced upward to see the tired grin on his face. 

“Did you sleep well?” He responded with a delicate kiss on your exposed neck.

His arms circled your waist, gently pulling your back to meet his chest. It was then, did he notice how his girlfriend’s waist was practically nonexistent, or in other words, thin. Thinner than usual and definitely not healthy.

Jaemin’s smile contorted into a look of concern. Slightly pulling away, he turned to you.

“Jagiya, have you been eating well?” His tone was soft, despite his deep voice.

Automatically, you could tell your boyfriend wasn’t speaking in a casual small talk way. Nonetheless, you pretended not to be fazed.

“I’ve been on a diet…” You set the coffee mug down.

He frowned. “What kind, if you don’t mind me asking?”

You cursed in your head, as you hurriedly made up a lie.

“A low-carb diet,” You tried your best to sound assertive.

“A low-carb diet or a no-carb diet?”

You froze in place when you noticed the hint of anger in the last part of his question. Jaemin slowly turned you around to face him. “(Y/n), be honest. Have you been eating well?”

Several seconds of silence passed by, as you couldn’t even look him in the eye.

“No.” There was a catch in your throat, as your lips quivered.

Jaemin brought you back into his embrace when you began to cry. His chin rested on the top of your head, as your tears soaked his shirt. His heart broke at the sound of your sobs. All he could do was press kisses into your hair, and pat your back.

You sniffed, “I just…I just see pictures of us, and I hate how I look when you’re so perfect.”

“(Y/n)-ah…”

“I know it sounds stupid. But I want to be a girlfriend who is also beautiful.”

Jaemin cupped the right side of your face and sighed, “(Y/n)-ah, you’ve always been beautiful to me. You don’t need to lose weight or do anything else to prove that.”

As comforting as his words were, Jaemin knew that it would take more than that to make you feel better. From then on, he didn’t miss a chance to shower you with compliments and affection. He loved you and had no problem making sure you believed that.

✎__________________________________________________________

CHENLE

You were currently on opposite sides of the room. Chenle was watching Instagram videos on his phone, and you were writing the next chapter to a story you started a while ago. This was agreeably considered hanging out with each other. Doing your own thing until someone broke the silence. And this time, it was Chenle.

His stomach growling did not go ignored by him. Naturally, he pulled up a delivery food app. He then paused and looked over to you who was typing away on your computer.

“(Y/n)-ahhh, I’m ordering food. What do you want?”

“I don’t know,” You replied, without looking up.

Chenle sat up in his spot on the couch. “Do you want tteokbokki?”

“Um, I’m not in the mood for tteokbokki.” He saw your head shake behind the computer.

“Jokbal?”

“Haechan will be upset if we eat that without him.”

“How about tonkatsu?”

“Eh…”

“Okay, what about-”

Losing concentration, you shut your laptop in frustration. “I’m not hungry! Just order something for yourself.”

“I want to eat with you though,” He whined. You closed your eyes for a moment and sighed before starting to speak again. 

“But—”

“No buts. You’re going to come here and help me choose something.”

Just as you opened your mouth to protest, Chenle already decided he had enough. He lifted you from your chair which earned him an “are you crazy?” look. Then he brought you to where he was previously sitting. While doing so, he noticed that you were very light.

“How are you not hungry?” Chenle asked. “Your stomach is practically crying out to me.”

You wrapped your arms around your waist self-consciously. “You’re exaggerating, Chenle.”

Even though you made it sound like not a big deal, Chenle had a feeling there was an underlying problem here. He knew that you had a small appetite, but having no desire to eat was separate. For someone who was such a big foodie, the idea of his girlfriend starving herself worried him.

“We haven’t had a meal together in so long,” Chenle pretended to sulk. “But if you really don’t want to eat, I won’t force you.”

Ugh, you just couldn’t resist the rare look of sadness on the boy’s face. He knew you hated to be guilty.

So with a sigh, you slowly made a new suggestion. “Actually…maybe we can get tteokbokki. Can we just share the bowl?” 

As if he wasn’t moping a second ago, Chenle smiled and wrapped his arm around your shoulders. “Of course. Anything for you, Cutie.”

✎__________________________________________________________

JISUNG

He sat patiently in the lobby, waiting for you who was at a doctor's appointment. You insisted this was nothing but a normal check-up. But that didn’t stop Jisung from accompanying you. He stood up in slight surprise when you came out earlier than expected.

“(Y/n)-ah! You’re done?” You bobbed your head and grabbed his hand with a small smile. 

Jisung noticed you were being quieter than usual during the drive to your place. But he thought you might be tired from a long day of classes before having to visit the doctor’s office. You’d probably feel better when you got back home.

Once you guys arrived, Jisung was left alone when you went to change into more comfortable clothes. As he plopped down on your small couch, his eyes darted to the medical papers you had previously left on the coffee table. Out of habit, Jisung picked up the papers to organize them. 

However, your recorded weight on the first page caught him off guard. His eyes widened in horror at the number. He knew you were small, especially compared to his size. But he didn’t think you were underweight to the point that it was dangerous. This must’ve been why you barely said anything earlier.

Tears flooded his eyes in an instant when he saw you walk out of the room. Suddenly confused as to why your boyfriend was crying, your lips parted to ask what was wrong. Then you spotted the slightly crumpled papers in his hands.

“Jisung—I can explain,” You spoke calmly, in an attempt to keep your voice stable. 

Jisung looked at you in despair. “Is this why I haven’t seen you eat lately? Or how you don’t want to go shopping together anymore?”

Your confirmed silence made him feel worse. Regardless he rushed up to hug you, engulfing your small frame into his taller figure. The two of you stayed in that position for a long time. Your fingers stroked his back as you also tried to calm him down. You made sure to reassure him that you knew you had a problem and were going to try to build better eating habits. Jisung would offer any support he could give you.

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