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maisie this taylor that the REAL album of the moment is the answer is always yes by alex lahey
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been replaying the Portal series I think this is where its heading
#i haven't drawn in like. half a month. which listen i know i don't post much here but i do draw a lot#i have another blog. but also sometimes i just don't post things. i draw for myself#just got burnt out from working on an animation final 😔#so anyway. eased myself back in with a silly comic about portal#my irl saw my shitty sketch and thought glados was painting chell which is very funny to me.#chelldos#but like. unrequited. glados is obsessed with chell. chell is not having a good time#portal#chell#GlaDOS#GlaD0S#my art#og post#1k#5k#10k#20k#edit: i made this post almost a year ago and it haunts me. theres a typo. chell is out of character.#because i couldn't come up with a good reason for her to be there in the first place#and this was a shitty ms paint replicating drawing that i did just to get back into drawing#i didn't think it would gain much attention#i was Wrong#anyway someone in the comments said this is what happens when you speedrun thats an infintely better setup for the punchline#EDIT 2: ok i fixed it fuck you
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Director of the False Last Act
#orv#omniscient reader's viewpoint#orv spoilers#han sooyoung#art i made#another of the drawings i fished out of my drafts that i completely forgot id started#if the face doesnt look like how i usually draw hsy uh. i apparently did the lineart like 4 months ago#and the way i used to draw her was WAY different#like i had to redo the face cuz i was like man this aint my girl wtf#oh yeah the sort of. watsonian reason why the title of the book shes holding is scrubbed out is bc it could either be twsa or orv i guess#the doylist reason is i couldnt decide between twsa or orv so now its neither LOL#side note but like. intellectually i know the thousand hand guan yin is like an actual thing in buddhism but my familiarity with it is#mostly from the dance move#so like as i was colouring this i was just imagining hsy like creating this pose in universe w the avatars which. one hell of an image#only two of the hands are supposed to represent like specific points in the story the rest are just. symbolic...?#the lemon candy one is obvious and the knife one is meant to be from when she stabs 49!kdj in the epilogue#also holy god im so bad at coming up with backgrounds for this kind of art#the original background i had i think i was trying to make it look like some kind of. book cover...? hence the borders#whatever it was it wasnt working#now i have no idea what its supposed to be 👍 like its giving. poorly designed tarot card
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#jeeves and wooster#bertie wooster#reginald jeeves#jooster#reverse au#I'm very inspired by the “my man Wooster” on ao3 can't help myself#reverse again😔✊️#you know I thought that Jeeves in reverse would start to use some of those stupid words that Bertie uses sooner or later#and on the first sketch it happened for the first time#Bertie's happy eheheh#a little sketch of a sleepy Bertie who has to get up before his master the lark#THIRD SKETCH IT'S--😳#WELL--😳😳😳😖#I just don't understand why Jeeves in reverse always comes out with some sort of nude make-up😭😭#I can't help it I've just accepted it#I'm always tempted to do his eyes and eyebrows which really makes him look like he's wearing make-up#this is a fanart for the first fic from “my man Wooster” which is forever in my heart💓💝💗💝💗💘💓#and one last sketch#art from a month ago where Bertie's seeing his mister off#.....and yes the make-up version#I can't help it really#fanart#my art#artists on tumblr#art
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When the interviewer asked when we should expect s5 to be coming out, that’s when Shawn mentioned that a little bit of an answer to that might be out there soon.
He actually mentions that this answer could be out by the time the video for this interview comes out, and since this interview was filmed mid-May and it’s now mid-June, I’m assuming we could be getting something soon or within the next couple months, potentially about a release date aka possibly a small teaser with 2025 stamped at the end…
#byler#stranger things#st5 predictions#idk I’m just praying for a vague quick 15 second teaser with 2025 at the end#idc if it’s late 2025 which is most likely#and so they’re just pulling this out of there ass to put something out there#but they have decent amount of footage already they should be able to pull from#even if that’s not what they want to do rn#they could release something vague that doesn’t even involve actors being in it and just maybe a build up of s5 vibes with 2025 at the end#I do feel like it has to be release date related even if it’s small af tho#bc we’ve gotten bts nonstop so just a mere screencap of s5 won’t be enough#it’s also worth considering that they might release s5 in very far away volumes like they did with cobra kai#not saying I want that but it’s possible#that could mean an earlier release date for those first episodes#i don’t think late 2024 is possibly honestly#but I know Maya mentioned in an interview they were like 1/3 of the way through filming s5#and this was about a month ago#so it’s possible a split could result in a serious waiting period between seasons#idk if Netflix is even willing to do that for st though#but I’m not ruling it out!#especially in the finale or even the second to last end up being longer l#we could be looking at a series finale on its own potentially taking up that vol 3 spot#but i still think late 2025 is likely for the ending regardless of how much earlier the initial part could come#also thinking about how they prefer to release the show during the season the show is set#if they can do that I feel like they will
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for some reason i can't explain i know saint peter won't call my name
nothing that lives, lives forever - an immortal soldier!alton more au
(1.1k of snippets from my old guard(ish) au where alton more is old, too old, and has been living and fighting far longer than anyone should. full description/other thoughts at the bottom. tw: blood, violence, mentions of death)
Alton clicked the lighter closed, running a thumb over the silver case. The night was warm, sticky in a way that he never could get used to. He sucked in a breath from the cheap cigarette, letting his head fall back against the rough side of the barracks.
It was quiet. Typically, there would be no end to the commotion coming from the small building, one of many that littered Camp Toccoa. The wall of sound was ever-present, no matter if it was shouting or laughing or snoring. But whatever the cause, there was always noise.
No matter if it was a blanket of noise he knew well, unchanging except for the language and the scenery. Soldiers are soldiers, and some things are a constant. It could almost be comforting, if it didn’t also mean that the need for soldiers was a constant as well.
However, tonight was a Saturday, and it was one of the few weekends that Sobel had allowed Easy the use of their weekend passes. Almost every man in the company had jumped at the chance to get off base, to travel home if they could and spend time with loved ones. The ones with farther-flung hometowns had spirited off to Atlanta, happy to spend their time drinking and dancing and fucking instead of slogging through another run, three miles up, three miles down.
Normally, Alton would have joined them in their carousing - it was easier to pass the time with the effortless camaraderie built during a training camp than bored and alone.
But today had been a bad day. The sound of swords and the shift of sand beneath his feet followed him out of his nightmares, the humid summer of Georgia morphing itself into the baking, dry heat of the desert.
His shouts must have been real, because when a hand came to shake him out of his dream, the first face he saw was not that of a grouchy NCO, but of a blood-caked Saracen, eyes alight with righteous fury.
Alton didn’t think. He had grabbed the knife from under his pillow, an old thing that had been sharpened more times than he could begin to count, and was on the man in less than a breath, pressing the blade into the side of his neck. The familiar thrum of blood beat against his fingertips, the grit of sand scratched his gums. He knew what he had to do, had done it a thousand times, a thousand thousand times, what was a little more bloodshed spilled across his feet-
Alton had blinked, and came to himself in a rush.
Instead of an unnamed Saracen, the ashen face of Johnny Martin stared up at him, eyes wide behind the knife.
Alton drew back his hand, retreating almost as quick as he had lunged earlier. He mumbled a quick curse and apology as he stepped out of arm’s reach from the man. It wasn’t until Martin’s eyes widened even farther that Alton realized his tongue was slipping out Arabic of all things.
Usually, Alton was better about remembering himself, who he was almost as important as where he was. But for whatever reason, his demons had decided to catch up with him that night.
After a quick smile and some quip about the Krauts in his dreams, he managed to wave an only-slightly-mollified Martin off. The shorter man apparently hadn’t forgotten it though, if his watchful eyes during chow that morning were anything to go by.
Alton was just glad that no one else was awake to see it, at least. That was the last thing he needed.
And so, instead of joining in on a weekend of broads and booze, Alton found himself waving away the invitation by an eager Smokey and bemused Alley. When the horde made their way out of the barracks, fantasizing in bawdy terms about their planned misadventures, he felt like he could breathe easy.
Fucking finally.
~~
Alton took another drag from the cigarette. He watched the smoke curl, up and up until it faded into nothing amongst the darkening sky.
The lighter was a welcome weight in his hand, grounding him to this time, this life.
The design was worn by now, details barely visible after a half century of worrying. It still managed to amaze him, sometimes, what people could do with the smallest of canvases. Alton didn’t feel the same wonder however, wasn’t as mesmerized by the beauty man could create as he once was.
But in the quiet moments, he could still appreciate the time some French craftsman took to transform a hunk of metal into a small token carried around by a dead man.
Luz had spied the lighter one weekend, and laughed at him for using something so old-fashioned. Alton just shrugged, not caring to admit that he was still getting used to having a light at his fingertips. It wasn’t all that long ago when he was still lighting a pipe with a flintlock pistol, and not so long before that when he would carry around a flint and steel.
Time was passing all the more quickly these days, technologies changing and advancing, and everyone was obsessed with needing things to be quicker, cheaper, simpler. Alton scoffed. He could hardly find it in him to care.
He glanced down at the lighter in his hand, shifting it back and forth in a practiced motion and watched as the light skittered across the sides.
It had shown flowers, once. A veritable garden of carnations, daffodils, and lilies of the valley, with leaves spilling across the front panel onto the back. They represent good fortune, he was told. Good fortune, luck, and hope.
When the merchant described it to him, eyes ablaze with a passion known only to those with wares to sell, Alton didn’t try to hide the snort that escaped his throat.
Fortune and Luck had abandoned him long ago, and hadn’t returned since waking up in a battlefield abandoned by all but the dead, sword in his chest and blood in his mouth.
And what the fuck was Alton supposed to do with hope?
It was the quote on the back that had caught his eye, all those years ago in a street market in Reims. The beveled edges had faded with time, the familiar letters Alton traced were more memory by now than any physical mark. Une vie honorable est une vie éternelle.
An honorable life is an eternal life.
Alton couldn’t help but stare at the message, both then and now. He hated that goddamn word. Immortal. Unending. Eternal.
They were such flowery words, used by people who craved what they couldn’t have, what they shouldn’t. The romanticized idea of the everlasting, the fountain of youth, the gift of life! Alton was sick of it.
This wasn’t life. He was a fucking dead man walking. And he sure as hell didn’t do anything honorable to deserve it.
months ago, while thinking about the absolute insanity of the almost...cavalier? attitude we see alton more have over the course of the series, an idea hit my brain: what if there was a reason nothing seemed to phase him - not panzers, not being a breath away from a car wreck, not bastogne, not speirs? what if this wasn't his first war? that thought spiraled me into a minor insanity that is this: my immortal soldier!alton more au, loosely inspired by the movie the old guard (2020). the idea is that, once upon a time, there was a soldier in a land many centuries ago. one day, he died in battle. and then, he woke up. and then he died. and then he woke up. over, and over. drawn to countless battles, conflicts, and wars, each one etching itself into the core of his soul. a never-ending cycle...until one sweltering summer, where he found himself at a training camp at the foot of a mountain. anyways. at some point, i plan on writing this as a full story, but that is admittedly a long ways away. however, in celebration of alton more's birthday today, i wanted to post my favorite scene that i've written for this au! it's set sometime at the beginning of the story, in the early days of camp toccoa. mostly, it's just a character study of this version of alton more. hope you enjoyed! and of course - happy birthday alton more!
(song insp.)
taglist: @sweetxvanixlla @coco-bean-1218 @bucky32557038ww2 @georgieluz @samwinchesterslostshoe @xxluckystrike @next-autopsy @ronald-speirs @land-sh @ronsparky @panzershrike-pretz @theredrenard @kyellin
#happy alton more day!#holy shit im actually posting this...i've been sitting on it for MONTHS#but YEAH its just...the gothic romanticism about the physical embodiment of war and soldiers and the concept of death you know??#what it means to feel and to live and to connect to those around you when it all feels so fleeting#fleeting not just due to the nature of war but also the nature of immortality#or something#...look i have a lot of thoughts about this story okay#it kills me#its also known in my brain as the “how immortal soldier!alton more made friends” story#because literally thats it thats the plot#OH WAIT did i forget to mention that speirs is also an immortal soldier in this story??#oh yeah thats the best fucking bit - they met like centuries and centuries ago on the wrong ends of one of the various punic wars#(where speirs was known back then as...wait for it...TERTIUS)#its good goddamn shit okay#also explains why alton is so fucking unflinching towards speirs at any given point and why they were so petty about the photo albums#ANYWAYS if anyone wants to hear more about this!! come stop on by!!!#also yes the title is a reference to the old guard#as is the reference to the siege of jerusalem which is where joe and nicky met#immortal soldier!alton more#alton more#easy company#band of brothers fic#mine#band of brothers#bofb#hbowar#em's moodboards#em writes#jesus christ i guess that's a tag now#alright here we go out into the void
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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently
#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting#with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though#you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would#think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page#disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol#THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended#(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever#so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with#no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know#EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably#It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end#point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc#I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc#rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is#not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school#but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia#and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like#the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot#or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are#familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them#Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol
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I have learnt things about Geto that I wish I could unlearn
#I think I'm getting about the same amount of spoilers as a few weeks ago except now I understand them#But like. I expected so much of him#Seeing gifs of that one scene in which Gojo gets distracted because of Geto almost made me watch this a year ago#Geto was actually my favourite character in that one JJK fanfic I read that I mention so often even if he had literally one scene#I know so much of the emotional turmoil and conflict in JJK and Gojo in particular depends on him#And you're telling me he's Thanos?#I learnt a few days ago that everything pretty much happens in one year. That there's one year between Geto's death and Gojo's#I thought it would be like ten years. Ten years of the act haunting him#But no? So it's not a broken teenager who has these ideas and is killed by another teenager to stop him?#It's a what? ~30yo man saying Light levels of stupidity? Even worse perhaps?#Goodness I hope this is not so. I hope this is better written than what I am seeing#Because goddammit I can't do it. It would kinda ruin every emotional scene from then on?#That one scene I was so looking forwards about patting Gojo's back or whatever. The one in which Gojo gets distracted. It just. I don't know#I won't be able to be moved if Geto doesn't work xD#I was fearing I wasn't going to like him a lot because my expectations were big but oh my god please not like this#This is way worse than I expected. Someone tell me he actually makes sense. What's the point of this whole political play#in which no one is fully wrong and no one is totally right otherwise? What is the point of the haunting. This feels just idiotic xD#And I don't care about the traumas and all that. That works for the teen not the ~30yo man#It would have worked if Gojo would have killed him like 1-2 years after everything not like a few months ago. Last winter#After like ten years a 30yo man should have realised this plan sucks.#Even if it's utilitarian. Who is going to make clothes? Buildings? Streets and railways? Bread??? Go have a talk with Nanami please#We have been told there are not a lot of jujutsu sorcerers. How are you going to fulfill all those needs out of nothing?#And even if it were little by little so the needs could be getting fulfilled little by little too#If you decimate humans won't that cause more curses? I guess he's thinking on the long run but still this plan seems like a mess#I hope it makes more sense than it's looking it will make because of my god this would truly be the last nail on the coffin xD#I am being more and more tempted to get to Utahime and then just drop this. This is breaking my heart xD#It could be soooo good and it always almost is#And then. AND THEN. Abfksbfndbfkan#Jen pick me up. Come solve this. I am scared xD#I talk too much
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i think it's about time that we acknowledge that, no, that character would Not change their name in a groupchat! especially not to that. and, no, that character would not change everyone else's names! especially not to that.
#my drafts are back up to almost 800 sooooo have this post i made a couple weeks ago!!!#it irks me SO MUCH#most people just use their names or nicknames😭#i'm sorry but i.ida would not make his name 'sonic' and j.irou/m.omo would not include 'lesbian' in their names even if they are#c.huuya would not make his name about his height (god we get it the short jokes are so annoying to me personally it just feels like#a way to infantilize him) and d.azai would not make his name about bandages and lord knows k.unikida is NOt changing his name at all#most people don't make their names their sexuality i just. don't understand why almost all chat fics include like. 'lesbian queen' which#like ig if it's someone using it to come out or for pride month that checks but most of the time the characters i see with their sexuality#in their name are characters tHAT WOULD NEVER DO THAT!!! at least use characters who would😭 like j.irou's too shy and m.omo is too reserved#and like sorry not sorry but d.enki and s.ero and m.ina are not going to just instantly change everyone's chat names - most people don't ge#into a chat and go 'imma change everyone's names' and like i could deal with it if they gave them names that made sense#bUT THEY DON'T!!! also so many anime chatfic writers give them american type names like reference american artists#it's just like. they prolly don't listen to as much american music as you think they do. japan has musicians too. like. they're not america#sorry i genuinely love the concept of chatfics and think they're a FANTASTIC way to analyze character and i even did a whole lesson on#characterization in texting last semester! it was really fun too like the kids enjoyed it! but like. most characters won't text the way you#do. and people just. always make them type the way they do. or use actual convos from griupchats but don't make it fit the characters#just. mmmmmmmmm.#idk why but gc fic names bother me So Much lol#AM DONE NOW SORRY GUYS#corey talks:)
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I cannot believe the wicked games Drabble was 5000 words long like basically a full ass fic and the low amount of notes it got…
#it makes my heart literally SINK like…#now how am I supposed to post wg4 which is 25k words????#it will not get any interaction and I’m just done#like I just cannot post it#it’ll legit kill me 🥲🥲🥲🥲 to see it flop#after I poured my heart and soul into writing something so fucking long and making sure it was good#just bc I knew I had to give you guys something long and exciting to read#but what’s the point#like I cannot believe it… I literally just cannot believe it and I don’t want to post anything anymore#omfg#I know many people will read this and roll their eyes and find this annoying#like I’m complaining or whatever#honestly think what you want to think#I’m just so shocked and legit unhappy#like so fucking unhappy#like bummed the fuck out#that it’s come to this#I don’t wanna post shit anymore lol#idk if it’s the algorithm or genuinely people don’t fuck with my fics anymore#I just don’t understand#but you guys have to understand how it would kill me on the inside if I posted a 25k fic and it got next to no interaction#like I just….#I’m scared it would make me quit writing completely#bc I’m THIS close#I feel so fucking sad bro idek#like it makes me wanna fucking cry#how… a few months ago everything was fine#now it feels like everyone’s gone#and I wasted my fucking time writing a chapter so fucking long that no one’s gonna read#WHY DID I WASTE MY TIME
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it's actually so fascinating to me that Brennan has created a character that maintains a pretty relaxed and mild-mannered demeanor and has said multiple times that the absolute Core of her is "FEAR" and how often we see this Fear manifest specifically in Avoidance; it really nails a relationship to that mentality where your brain fully Stops recognizing the emotion properly out of like, sheer self-defense from the stress of having to carry it all the time
I think this is also perfectly showcased in the way we tend to see Tula swing so suddenly from 'level and steady' to 'snarling Panic' and then back again - Just because your brain has detached itself from the Conscious Recognition of the emotion doesn't mean it can Actually stop itself from experiencing it. So the Fear is always there and always acting as a stressor, but because of that inability to Identify it there's no way to recognize or address it before that final straw hits and your bodymind jumps Straight into Full Meltdown Mode; but then once again, once you drop even a Little bit below that Peak Terror your brain ceases to process the emotion; it's like the most exhausting form of Poor Object Permanence in the world
And even if Tula is aware of this happening to her, that doesn't really make it any easier to deal with / address. Even if you're able to spot the symptoms Around the emotion -- chest pain, irritation, nausea, whatever -- because the Emotion Itself is basically impossible to find, you can't really Successfully Pin Down what the problem is OR a way to cope with it. If you can't figure out That You Are Anxious, then figuring out What Is Making You Anxious is impossible, which makes Find A Way To Make Peace With That incomprehensible. That's where the Avoidance comes in: you can no longer identify what might be a Dangerous Situation, which means that Anything New has a big potential to be Really Bad in a variety of ways (ranging "I don't Feel Good" to "Fully Lashing Out bc you've entered Fight/Flight and can't get out of it" to "Actual Outside Danger This Time") and that means the Only Way you know how to be Safe is to just Avoid Doing Anything New and Only stick to Familiar Situations, because anything unfamiliar is a monster of a gamble you don't know how to prepare for or cope with
#N posts stuff#one could argue ‘we see tula worry a lot tho’ but that’s bc Worry is an Action that can occur Separately from Recognizing Anxiety#now that I know tumblr will put a hard cap on your tags w/o telling you i'm resigning myself to posting rambling meta in post body#but i'm not happy about it; anyway i love how often life is full of Coincidences bc this is something I've Finally identified in myself#like. This Month. like this is brand new articulation for some of the problems i have in life; again knowing this doesn't help lmao#bc even when you know to look Around the shape of the emotion - like 'oh my face is Snarling rn. i'm probably experiencing Something'#like i said bc you don't know What that something is OR What might have caused it then the only solution you Ever get to come up with#is just 'fully retreat and go calm down somewhere else' which INVARIABLY means that you will wind up in that same situation again#and Still have no idea how to handle it bc you never could figure out what caused it so you don't know how to handle it any better than#'fully retreat and go calm down somewhere else'; so 'be somewhere else' is the ONLY way you can ever think to Help it#which usually invariably turns into 'Just Avoid Fucking Everything just in case'; which doesn't work! bc life doesn't let you do that#so then it's just a cycle of falling into the same pitfalls and feeling miserable all the time; gotta love it :)#if you're like me this also gives you Bad Bad Bad Memory bc your brain will Promptly hide evidence of Scary Situation instinctively#like 3 weeks ago this dude ran a red light and almost t-boned me Full Speed & managed to stop like. maybe 3 feet away.#and i like. Startled Laughed and said 'that was scary' and then within 30 seconds i had Fully Forgotten it happened & only remembered#like 2 days ago. Ha! believe it or not this Does Not Help with 'How can I Address the Problem instead of Avoiding It Entirely?'#dimension 20#d20: stupendous stoats#tula#d20lb
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Monday blues are hitting me hard today
#you can ignore this if you want cause im gonna talk a lot of shit and sads and feelings#but as i’ve realised i literally have no one to empty my heart out to irl#and it’s fucking heartbreaking cause i love my friends but I don’t think they love me back#which is an insane though but I genuinely think it’s true like#i moved away 4 ish months ago and i know that communication comes from both side but like i wanted to test smt#so i stopped texting first and guess what?? only 2 friends texted me#1 because she’s genuinely a good friend i think and the other because she needed money (which i gave her like a fucking fool)#my heart just hurts cause i realised i’m not as important to them as they are to me and I’m completely misreading our relationship and#it sucks because I thought they were going to be my friends for life but now they’re all posting recaps of 2023 and im in none of their pics#even in pics where i was present at the time#and i dont know if it’s intentional or if im just being an insecure little bitch but it fucking hurts#i just want to be important to someone#i want to be someone’s person#not a last resort like#they keep doing stuff together which i get like life moves on and i’m the one that left#but not a single text or a pic or a ‘we miss you!’#not even a fucking heart on insta stories#am i being desperate?? or do I actually have shitty friends#like i have impostor syndrome in my own fucking friendgroup???#I can’t just drop them either cause then I’ll actually have no one#idk i must exude some sort of energy#i dont think ive ever had a genuine good best friend like for some reason they leave after 3 years#(and this is why i have trust issues and attachment disorders)#anyway I’ll probably just suck it up and go about my day#ive lived 24 years like this what’s an entire life#it’s wild cause i have a good time whenever i’m with them (i think) and then i leave and it’s crickets#i feel like hired entertainment sometimes#idk my head hurts so I’m probably overthinking but like these feelings come from somewhere right?#i have to stop
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so if you romance and ascend astarion you can kick him in the balls when he tries to turn you and it’s just very funny, he’s so pissy about it. so much for the most powerful vampire of all time or whatever, he stamps around like a toddler and then leaves forever
#i’m glad i saved before that choice so i can go through all the scenes i wouldn’t have got otherwise#(‘that choice’ meaning ascension)#im Fascinated by a whole bunch of stuff if you ascend him#like if you succeed on the detect thoughts (or maybe insight i forget) before he turns you to see what he think of you#it says something like ‘he will always see you as degrading yourself while you choose to be with him’ which is just BONKERS INSANE#like not confusing or anything. just wild to include. in a good way; like yeah of course that’s how he feels#and then the narrator follows it up with something like ‘but isn’t that what you want?’#like i’m glad they do actually try to impress upon you how fucked this dynamic is. they’re not trying to make you think it’s a good outcome#(i know there’s discourse about this and it’s very annoying)#(people who are like ‘actually it’s romantic and kinky’ uhh 😬)#(but then people who are like ‘how can anyone think this is ok’ and direct that towards anyone who enjoys playing it)#(like no it’s fun and genuinely interesting and i can see the appeal. just not when it comes to analysing the relationship)#(most people are aware that this is a bad dynamic they’re just playing a game chill out)#(like when i said 😬 about it being romantic/kinky i mean that from the perspective of analysing the story not personal enjoyment)#(anyway. moving on)#like i did that specific bit of dialogue probably a month or more ago and only once (because the test was really hard)#and it’s been creeping around in my head ever since. i love it lmao#i saw a video of that kiss where he makes you kneel a while ago and didn’t quite believe it was a real thing#but no it’s one of his actual default kisses. amazing#like i’m definitely gonna do a playthrough where i get everyone to make the power-hungry soul-destroying choices#and i might have to romance astarion again for that one because he definitely seems to have the most bad-decision relationship content#although he has the most relationship content full stop so it’s not surprising#but i think that’s the only one that notably changes your character during the playthrough rather than just the epilogue#personal#ash plays bg3
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so uh. that 2.2 Special Program, huh
#hsr#honkai star rail#hsr 2.2#hsr spoilers#hsr leaks#the body of this post reads as far less enthusiastic than i really am#i just don’t know how to casually return from my latest 2 week hiatus only to gush abt a game i’ve hardly blogged abt before#but i’m not making a whole ass sideblog for it like i did for Genshin. nah y’all r gonna bear witness to my fixation with this one#so anyways don’t mind me. vibrating into another dimension with anticipation for the next 11 days#it’s insane man. a year ago i Never ever woulda thought i’d be so invested in this game. and it took Months for the game to really grab me#but i’m v glad i kept coming back even when i was struggling to really get into it. like i just had this feeling that if i stuck around and#gave the game a chance to really like. come into its stride. i just always felt like there was Something there and i just hadn’t found it#and holy shit i finally found it in Penacony. the devs really truly outdid themselves with this region and these characters and this story#not to discount everything that’s happened prior. like i was genuinely Liking it all before now but i wasn’t Loving it y’know#but that may be more a ‘me having to fight tooth n’ nail to force myself to consume new media’ thing than it is a matter of the actual game#anyways i came here to talk abt the program! bc since i’m not filming my HSR stuff i’m gonna be insufferable abt it on Tumblr instead ! :)#and i’m probably not filming any more Genshin stuff. or anything else at all for that matter but let’s not talk abt that dead dream#pun not intended lmao. Anyways let’s return to the subject at hand while there’s still room left in these tags shall we#i’m so fucking glad they had Aventurine on this program man. especially since he’s leaked to only have 18 lines in 2.2… it was nice to see-#-him here at least 🥹 i’ll take what i can get. his unenthusiastic little bird noises at the beginning.. him being reluctant to come out..#the way one of the first things to come out of his mouth was ‘y’know DR RATIO once told me…’ like boy we get it ur in love with him 🙄 (/J!)#i love how they can’t go on these programs w/o talking abt each other it’s adorable. AND THE WAY HE WAS THE ONE TO EXPLAIN BOOTHILL’S KIT!?#they can’t just fuel my crackship like this… god and his whole ‘muddle-fudger.. son-of-a-nice-lady?’ thing had me wheezing#Aven mocking Boothill’s inability to curse was not on my special program bingo card but fuck i’m here for it#and Robin being all curious abt him was so cute.. ‘who /is/ he? … does he order milk at the bar?’ i’m crying she’s so sweet#also the trailer was fucking insane. which feels redundant as hell bc all of HoYo’s version trailers go hard but like. still. wow.#that millisecond long shot of Boothill surveying the skyline is so fucking good. also what the fuck is Jing Yuan doing here!!#not complaining at all tho. we’ve got JY & DH(IL?). Argenti(?). Boothill. Sunday. Aven. all my men r here and i am eating so fucking good#Seven.txt#viddy game stuff
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I am so fucking sick of living with my roommate and his fuck ass boyfriend. Also watching my roommate burn every single one of his (already rather minimal, I might add) bridges for this guy is also kind of painful but also his relationship with me is one of said bridges so I'm almost past the point of even feeling bad for him lmao
#i have had to piss for probably the better part of an hour now#because they decided to take a shower together and have been in there for well OVER an hour now#and this is a nightly occurence atp sometimes MULTIPLE times a day#we have one bathroom.... can yall not be considerate enough to not be in there for up to TWO HOURS AT A TIME???#also it's such a waste of fucking water....#idk we've hit a point where i literally hear the bf doing anything and i get pissed off#but also tell me why i'm sitting in my room (which shares a wall with the bathroom) and i can hear this man hacking and spitting shit up#and this is also something that happens multiple times a day#like.... dude.... why are you spitting up toothpaste so fucking loudly oh my fucking god#but yeah no i'm like my roommate's only friend atp and he's about to not have me lmao like we're about to reach#'i'm cutting you off when i move out' levels of me being pissed off with this whole situation type shit#and apparently the bf convinced him to come out to his family which his mom was chill which is good#his dad's side of the family though....? not great. and my roommate KNEW that would be the case cuz we'd talked about it before#also love that my roommate has constantly talked about moving out of the city we live in because he hates and also there's no good career#opportunities for him here (which is true)#and now. MAGICALLY. he's like 'idk i think it'd be best for me to stay here'#like oh my GOD???? are you hearing yourself???? are you fucking stupid???? you fucking hate it here???#but sure throw your life away and ruin all your meaningful relationships for a guy you met six months ago jfc#and the thing is i *know* my roommate we've been close CLOSE friends for nearly a decade now#i know he is not like this.... like yeah he's being insane by allowing this but also i know these aren't the kinds of decisions he would ma#and also i know he wouldn't treat me like this all on his own#it's the deranged fucking control freak of a guy he decided to date and my roommate has too many of his own issues to put his foot down#about certain things and tell the guy no so he's just allowing him to completely take over his life#and fuck everything up until the bf is the only thing he has left once it's all said and done#and yeah. it's painful to watch. but also wtf am i supposed to do because obviously my opinion is not respected nor wanted regarding this#that has been made PAINFULLY clear#ugh this is so fucking horrendous#what is it with ppl who start to date someone and then go clinically fucking insane and destroy their lives all for this one person#who. realistically. they barely know in comparison to all the other ppl in their life#like explain it to me jfc
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jay: wtf is wrong with mal
evie: uma beat her in fencing lol
mal: she didn’t beat me!!!!!!! i challenged her to best of five
carlos: and she won all 5?
mal: no i won 2
jay: ok so then she beat you
mal: i won 2!!!!
carlos: but uma won 3????? so you lost
mal: yeah but i still won 2
jay: shoulda done best of 6
jay: at least you could’ve drawn then you sore loser
mal: ok but i still won 2?
carlos: i’m changing the conversation before i bludgeon mal’s head in
carlos: e did you duel anyone
evie: i beat some auradon loser
evie: me & lonnie were gonna go next session
jay: ooooo lmk how it goes
jay: lonnie’s good!!
evie: i know jay i was there on the isle fight
jay: i should fight harry again
mal: you’re always fighting harry
jay: duel him then
carlos: you’re always duelling harry
jay: no with a sword
evie: what kind of sword
jay: ohhh SHUT UP
jay: i’m going to challenge harry to a duel with a fencing sword. there are you happy now
carlos: no
carlos: be more gay
jay: bitch maybe i will
evie: gods i hate you both
jay: you don’t want me kissing boys?
mal: jay you’re expecting boys will want to kiss YOU
jay: why mal are you jealous are you wanting me to kiss you
mal: i want me to kill you, sure
jay: how nice of you
mal: yeah i’m such a nice person now :) can u believe it
carlos: what is happening
evie: something i don’t want to bear witness to
evie: .
evie: hey mal lost three duels to uma today
carlos: yo no way?????
mal: hang on
jay: HAHAHHAHAHA
mal: i WON 2!!!!!!!
jay: wow i should duel harry again
carlos: oh really jay. with what
evie: NVM WE ARE NOT GOING HERE AGAIN
carlos: ok but fr can we duel the pirates again soon :(
jay: what kind of duel los
evie: LORD
mal: me & uma have business to settle
evie: you mean losing a best of 5 3-2?
mal: i didnt LOSE i won 2!!!!!!!!
carlos: mal just bc we’re good ppl now doesn’t mean i cant kill you. bc i will
mal: bet
mal: best of 5?
jay: LMAO
evie: i’m actually very curious to know who would win that
mal: me obviously
carlos: i literally came second place in swords and shields. but go off ig
mal: you would’ve come third if i had competed
jay: bc you would come 2nd?
mal: no?? i would obviously beat you???
evie: HAHHAHAHAHAHA
evie: mal. you know i would support you in anything. but you are not being jay in a s&s tournament
mal: i totally could
jay: ………..
jay: hmmm mal who did you lose to earlier today
jay: three times
carlos: RIGHT
carlos: not to CHANGE THE SUBJECT or anything but i’m actually craving slop shop coffee rn
evie: that’s the devil talking
jay: isn’t that a good thing?
mal: no it’s a bad thing
carlos: it’s a good thing for people like us
jay: evie can you confirm what your stance on slop shop coffee is
evie: it’s wicked
jay: wicked in a good way or wicked in a bad way
jay: do you guys understand me.
carlos: wicked as in reprehensible or wicked as in exceptional
jay: i feel like i’m going insane
mal: what are you all FUCKING talking about
carlos: the complexities and intricacies of changing sociolects
mal: don’t fucking swear at me
jay: when did this conversation turn into psychological warfare
carlos: isn’t that most convos on the isle
jay: is it evie you’re gonna bludgeon next c?
carlos: yes. and then it’ll be you. and then myself
jay: WHAT DID I DO
mal: lmaoo
carlos: evie is being unnervingly quiet
jay: YOU DIDNT ANSWER MY QUESTION
mal: she’s probably preparing to fight carlos when he goes to bludgeon her head in
jay: i don’t even know whose side i’m on here
mal: you’re not on mine
jay: ??????
jay: whose side ARE you on??????
mal: did i lose to uma today
jay: YES
mal: not yours
jay: i genuinely feel like my head is collapsing in
carlos: good
carlos: make it go quicker
jay: ok fine i’m on evie’s side
evie: good choice jay. i have no bad side ;)
mal: all your sides are bad
carlos: how many sides does a person have
mal: what
carlos: you know. like vertices. how many do we have
jay: are we technically spherical??
evie: jay i don’t want you on my side anymore
jay: which number side eves
evie: carlos. proposition
carlos: being?
evie: we team up against jay
jay: HUH????????
mal: LMAOOOOOO
evie: and mal
mal: HEY
jay: HAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAA
carlos: deal
jay: so like. what now. are we going to spar in the gym or something
evie: no i’m going to kill you in real life
jay: hello??????
carlos: no resurrection in auradon!
mal: bloody hell
jay: see i fault whatever the fuck this is to carlos bringing up he wants slop shop coffee
jay: no normal person says that
mal: how many times did you steal my slop shop coffee jay
jay: gee mal i’m so incredibly grateful that you allowed me to drink your mud in a cup whilst my father was actively trying to starve me
carlos: WHAKJSJDLSKSHDKSKD
mal: OH ITS LIKE THAT NOW??????
evie: LORD
jay: anyway
jay: i say we gang up on carlos
evie: i agree
carlos: betrayal????)? MUTINY????????? TREASON AND CONSPIRACY???????????
mal: gods above evie that was brutal
mal: listen. jay lies for fun,
jay: SKAJDKSLAJDNDLSKSJDKLSKD
mal: don’t pity the man.
evie: oh i don’t pity him in the slightest i just think it’s funny to gang up on carlos
jay: youre after my own heart eves
carlos: no what the fuck is happening actually
mal: no e you’re right it’s my favourite past time too
carlos: Hi. Are We Twelve Again
jay: i mean you haven’t grown since we were
mal: you still fight like it
evie: you still look it
carlos: Im Going To Kill You All
mal: didnt you already try that
evie: multiple times
jay: it didn’t work
carlos: do i need to remind you all. there is no immortality in auradon
jay: awwwww carlos is trying to be scary
jay: WJEHAKJHJJEHER NVM JES GROWLING AT ME RN GAJEHRBKEJRHR
mal: you guys are in the same room?????
jay: yeah? are you not?
mal: obviously we are
jay: you’re saying this could’ve been an irl convo?
jay: we couldve saved so much time
evie: what’s wrong with our texts, jay :)
jay: nothing at all, evie :)
carlos: u guys meet us here?
mal: wbat no you’re coming to us
carlos: ????? why?????
mal: bc im comfy???? and don’t want to walk??
carlos: ok but IM comfy
jay: carlos is currently dangling his head off the side of the bed.
carlos: as i said,
evie: what about neutral ground
evie: library?
mal: are you insane why would we hang out at the LIBRARY
jay: NERD
evie: i am not starting a fight again
jay: that’s a very unusual thing for you to say
evie: i am losing brain cells
carlos: that is worrying
mal: yeah you don’t have too many of them
evie: more than you!
carlos: yeah mal how many fights with uma did you lose today
mal: i *WON*
mal: TWO
jay: i will throw my fucking phone off the balcony, and then all of you
carlos: not yourself?
jay: do you want to be the first to die
evie: so are we just. not meeting
mal: im not moving
carlos: me neither
jay: kids these days
jay: always on their damn phones
evie: not like us
evie: getting beaten up
jay: stabbing people
mal: avoiding our insane parents
carlos: trying to escape from the hell prison island
mal: lol
evie: we are so well adjusted <3
jay: absolutely nothing wrong with us
mal: im serious abt not moving btw
carlos: ya me too
mal: fine
carlos: fine
evie: fine
jay: fine
mal: fine
carlos: fine
jay: NO
jay: WE ARE NOT DOING THIS AGAIN
mal: you hate fun
jay: i hate YOU
evie: we have to stop having the same conversation like 5 times over.
evie: let’s talk about something else
#wrote this one months ago but i am in a descendantsy mood rn#you think i would know how to spell descendants by now. i never know if it's ANTS or ENTS#but woe. rotten four shenanigans be upon ye#i did actually come up with silly usernames last year but i couldnt be bothered to keep writing them all out#evie was 4hearts4furious which is probably the funniest thibg ever#and jay was auradons 8th best tourney player#bc of the 8 on his tourney bib :)#anyway#descendants#core four
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