#which has always had Meaning in my life | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

allroseshave-their-pricks · 10 months

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I am SO tired of bullshit happening in my life that seems like a cute fanfic trope. It's not cute when you're Suffering through it

#rrr #HEA rarely exist irl and I'm Dying y'all #i mean seriously. with all the bullshit that happened with my vp this time last year #and now my informal dance partner John invited me to his FAMILY HOME for winter break #what am i supposed to do with that #the christmas present he sent me is sitting at the top of my closet and I'm going crazy #i keep pulling the moon in my tarot readings for him too #which has always had Meaning in my life #hell #i am in hell

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lynxfrost13 · 14 days

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LSTR-S2301 and the maintenance tunnel ARAR are best friends to me even though that Elster was only on sierpinski for a seemingly brief time, they’re bros who fuck around on the clock during work. I think Elster was probably more willing to put extra time in however she’s also very “okay you’ve given me a list of tasks I did them. They’re done and done well. That’s it, my time now.” Whereas I see Ara being more of a slacker (very valid of her) or at the very least just a bare minimum type of gal when it comes to work.

Idk I tend to imagine them fucking off in the middle of shifts to go find weird lonely corners of sierpinski to hang out in. They don’t even talk half the time but they love it.

#listen I know sierpinski Elster has Alina as her lover #I don’t necessarily see Elster/ara as romantic although it could be #they’re just tired work bros to me #u have machine autism and plant autism and they’re both silent types I think they’d click #I’ve seen some fun takes on Lilith and Elster as characters too #to me Lilith Itou is definitely the strong silent type but not bc she always means to be #yes she is an intimidating war veteran but I think part of that intimidation factor comes from her being awkward as hell when it comes #to talking #combo of awkward/ just being a woman of few words anyway #which comes through in LSTRs I think #they don’t say much when they don’t feel that they need to ig #anyway idk if this makes sense I’m just rambling #I was also just trying to think abt LSTR-S2301 bc poor thing #imagine being your own individual replika but you’re brought to this place as basically a sacrificial lamb? of sorts #in that you as you are. it’s not what you need to be for a god’s purpose #but it’s close enough that the parts that aren’t needed can be stripped away #and filled again #she was only ever meant to be a vessel for 512 in many ways #but she was still S2301 and had her own life and friends for a brief moment in time #signalis #this isn’t worded well but gets the tag regardless #I should make a rambles tag separate from my personal tag maybe #lynx rambles #<- new tag ig

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lunarharp · 5 months

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shirahama-sensei reminded me she has a thing for the teacher from pokemon s/v so i randomly went off on an au where qifrey is the professor. etc

#witch hat tag #orufrey #the first image is qifrey dressed as that guy. i'm glad she has an inexplicable attachment to some dorky pokemon man like i do #someone was like 'wouldn't it make more sense for deanreldea to be the champion' .... well no. not in my world .#it maps onto magic skill. champions aren't like the Rulers of the land they're just the most skilled at this thing #oru as a burnt out champion who's gently encouraging a kid like coco to reach him one day means a lot to me. i like pokemon narratives #agott went shiny hunting for the same thing coco had but cooler - just to impress her. she really is a pokemon rival type girl #pushing myself to the limit to prove my worth to you - to get to the summit first so i'm waiting for you..#and then realising it wasn't just to be strong - i realised i started wanting to see your smile. i wanted you to have fun.#i think coco would defeat agott at the end of victory road and then defeat oru & i'll probably draw one last thing abt that at least..#the image is very cinematic..the dialogue and music in my mind..I WANT TO FACE ORU!!!!!!!!!!#the super cool insanely powerful awesome champion is the spouse of my professor and he gave me advice at the beginning...no way....#btw the elite four would be the sages which is perfect (and maybe easthies as the first guy?) evil Team Brimhats #coustas as their renegade gladion-type figure. the gym leaders would be like sun/moon and s/v combined #travelling around facing the best students from different classes - so jujy and eunie etc.#i've barely thought about 'teams' or anything bc i care amore about the narrative side of things always lol #but idk. tetia with a swirlix - eunie would be ghost type boy - riche with small things but also a ceruledge or a steelix something massiv #and brushbug would have a final form which is really long like an eastern dragon- fluffy and with wings like a fairy. It's beautiful to me #well anyway *tries to move on to the rest of life now the brief obsession has passed*#obviously oru would be fire-type tho and qifrey would be water-type and they set off together and traded their starters etc.....it goes on

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deoidesign · 4 months

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#ok finally making a post about meds #I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset #so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but #it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways #so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone #like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus #my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night #sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired #it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted #but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too #but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared #so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow #anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING #that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up #I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world #and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on #and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!

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giddlygoat · 2 months

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Hey about the ghost Luigi au. But. Would he fade with time? Or would he be forced to watch everyone’s lives continue without him? Would he be forced to watch his friends and brother die? Cause that’s angsty as hell my dude

oh, he’s in it for the long haul. i think after time has done its damage, he would go from being inconsolable to a long period of complete and utter shutdown. who knows, maybe he takes to scaring folks in the end. at some point, that becomes the only thing a ghost can really offer, right? when connection is that temporary it loses its meaning. the only way he can touch the real world anymore is through fear.

or you know, he could fulfill his dying wish and ascend to the afterlife. i want him to have a happy ending in one universe or another

#unfortunately luigi has always had very little sense of identity on his own #he relies on others to essentially shape him because he’s so deeply insecure. he people pleases impulsively you know #without mario he doesn’t even know who he is #once mario is gone luigi feels utterly sealed off from everyone. in an emotional sense #as far as luigi’s concerned he simply does not exist without mario #and like. i don’t necessarily mean that in the “luigi is mario’s shadow” way [although that’s a small part of it]#i mean that in the way that twins who are that close have extremely codependent souls #and you need them to live. honestly #this makes it sounds like i believe luigi has no personality or goals or principles which is not true. yes he IS his own person of course #and it’s not like he COULDN’T reach his own true potential and find peace and contentment in a lonesome life!#but i don’t think he will. he’s just not equipped for it and honestly? i think he’s so absorbed in the grief that he just doesn’t want to #it feels too much like moving on. and how could he ever really move on?#uh. damn okay. this is making me need to call my twin bro. this is getting me in the gizzard a bit /lh silly #asks #ididntwantobeaglader #ghost luigi au #no id #giddly’s art #i didn’t even make this art for your ask btw i just had it lying around and was like “OH this applies to your question!!”#thank you for the ask!!!

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spaghett-onaplate · 4 months

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depression is really weird actually wdym i spent 2.5 years of my life in bed

#and wdym that lifestyle changed so quickly into being out and about and an active member of the world??#very proud of myself #and i mean it wasn't that quick of a change #it was like 1.5 years primarily depression bedrotting with occasional school -> primarily depression bedrotting ->#primarily depression bedrotting with 3-9 hours of work weekly -> straight into 31+ hours school+9-12 hours work weekly #so there was somewhat of a gradual progression #but still #also wowza i wake up 7-7:30am every morning now. 1pm was an early wake up for a not so insignificant amount of time #i mean of all fundamental growth years to miss out on the ages like what 12/13-15 aren't too bad? they would suck in a different way if i #had been socially involved #anyway it's just. yea i'm proud of myself but it is a crazy lifestyle change #and even when i was deeply depressed in a horrible routine i feel like i learned a lot. how to regulate my emotions and cope well and find #the joy in everything. bc if i stayed in bed all day then i would at least be happy about the sun or whatever #and for the while of being not at school at all i WANTED to be at school i just could not find one bc our school system is so cute like tha #(basically every school is at capacity and the local school that has a guaranteed place for me would have been an all boys or girls 😭)#but i miraculously found and got into this school and miraculously made it work so well for me socially and now academically #it's also a good time to get back into school for my education bc any later and it woulda been pretty bad for all my certifications and uni #ive missed out on so much maths that its not worth it to me to try and catch up but my teacher knows that #but ive always hated maths regardless i only ever understood it for the first half of yr 7 then my attendance dropped #and after my recent exam i decided to try harder at school. but i still got an A on the exam i didn't study for!! academic weapon fr #i'm just idk thinking back to myself in the past few years #and how hopeless it all felt. but i got out of it!! i beat the depression and social anxiety and found a good place and made the most of it #and during the peak of my depression i remember i went out someplace near my old school and panicked so so badly about seeing #kids from my old school. and the friends at the time didnt really check on me when i went to shake and cry in a side street lmao #i kept the best of that friendgroup and have better friends now. but anyway now i take a bus each morning with some kids from my old school #and you see these hands? they look like they're shaking to you?#anyway yeah it's just cool i got to this point :) i really had no hope for so long but now i have a life i'm living and a future i'm build #--ing towards #which is funny i just decided some random day last november after watching some better call saul 'huh actually lawyer would b pretty cool'#and will i get there? we'll see but i do have hope now

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coollyinterferes · 42 minutes

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The unmistakable sound of footsteps approaching begins to fill the air. Whoever is coming seems to have brought some company along…

They are getting closer… and closer… and closer…

…and closer…

……until..................

"Goooooood evenin'!!" Comes the loud greeting from a certain blond man. A big smile on his face and all.

"We beg your pardon for our prolonged absence. It was completely beyond our control..." Then adds the gentleman standing by his side, apologizing on behalf of both, offering a genuine smile along with the apology.

"...BUT! We're back!" And hopefully for good this time…

#[HI HIIIIIII~~ HOW'S EVERYONE DOING?? 8)]#[IDK IF ANYONE REMEMBERS ME OR MY MUSES ANYMORE?? BUT HELLOOO]#[one million years later but we're backkkkkk]#[i'd like to start by apologizing for completely disappearing for months without any announcement]#[life has been far from kind all this year so far and this has greatly and negatively impacted me emotionally]#[like..very VERY badly (harmful stuff and etc)]#[all to a point where i've had to take some time off from most social media]#[and which is also why i haven't checked or replied to any messages anywhere in a while]#[not that i'm the most social and most active person ever but you get what i mean here ;v;]#[the original plan was to come back here like a month or so ago but as you can guess i was unable to due to the same irl issues]#[i'm not gonna lie i'm still not doing well]#[but i wanted to come back or at least try to]#[since writing for these two and the ogre street guys always brings me joy and i also missed everyone here!]#[i'm still unsure if dropping threads will be the way to go for now or not #because i have no idea if my partners are still interested in any threads we had prior my unannounced hiatus]#[or if anyone's still interested in interacting with me and my muses again ;v;]#[so if we have ongoing threads i'll likely be jumping into your IMs over the course of the days to ask about it]#[i just need to check my thread tracker first because i can't remember what i owed last time ;;;;;;]#[as always: we can start new stuff any time in case you're no longer feeling whatever threads we had]#[and we can also start from scratch if that's best too]#[so no worries there!]#[enough blablah from me for now]#[i missed you all so much!]#[and to the new followers this blog somehow earned in my absence: Hi!! Thank you for following and I hope we can interact soon!!]#[hope everyone has been doing great during my absence!! <3]#;speedwagon says (( ic ))#;jonathan says (( ic ))#;ic #(??#;speedwagon withdraws coolly

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ninashiki · 1 month

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i feel like almost everything in utena has sort of already been extensively discussed in the last two (almost three) decades of utena's existence (not that there aren't new interpretations to be made, there always are) besides black rose arc (mikage+mamiya+tokiko). which is why they're so much fun to think about. i think the need to read between the lines makes it unfortunately easy to misunderstand or look past obvious stuff if you don't pay attention, but to me it's always been really obvious that mikage's arc is a literal representation of the erasure of queerness in ohtori (society?) by akio/everything he represents. and that's so fucking tragic! nemuro was never able to find a name for his desires. he lived and died as a puppet in the shadows.

#rgu #i think sadly that trigger warning list that people always passed around kind of stunted discussion bc of the assumptions it made #like. i think its okay to say that mikage/nemuro was always in love with mamiya and not tokiko #not that its impossible to interpret him as bisexual (similar to how people see utena as bisexual)#but his love for mamiya is what changed his life (same for utena/her meeting anthy)#one scene i never see people bring up is how #at one point mikage says that attaining eternity wouldn't even make 'her' happy #and then akio questions '''her'' you say?'#the only reason mikage thinks attaining eternity wouldnt even make 'her' i.e 'tokiko' happy is because he just had a conversation #with mamiya where he admitted the whole endeavor was making him unhappy #if anything it would have made tokiko happy to attain eternity and forever preserve her brother like a dead flower #which is what akio does with anthy! so fucked!#ALSO another thing #is that mikage sees utena as tokiko returned #just like how utena meets 'dios' - returned as akio #he claims he will finally beat tokiko - in this place (the dueling arena) - which is kind of foreshadowing utena fighting akio?????#anthy!mamiya says to mikage in the black rose musical:#“You can’t win against her. You will eternally lose to my sister who dwells in your memories.”#or “You will never beat my sister; who dwells in your memories.” in the nozomient translation #which makes so much sense because anthy couldn't believe utena could win against akio either #god i could literally keep going #by read between the lines i mean like how akio actively tries to lie to the audience by saying things like #'mamiya was created for you out of your lingering attachment to tokiko'#of course nemuro/mikage being gay isn't all there is to him bc like always everything in utena has 1000 layers #really love the general theme of becoming static and unchanged forever bc of our attachment to nostalgia/memories/eternity #(re: can't grow up)#tho in mikages case he is literally just a ghost summoned by akio. which the utena sega saturn vn confirms #also definitely people talk about black rose arc (i.e me right now) but i feel like the majority of the fandom kind of side steps it #on tumblr specifically at least?? im not on the fansite forums or discord #rgu meta

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flashhwing · 6 months

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I hate when youre having a dream and your brain makes up a guy and goes “okay you have a strong emotional attachment to this guy” and you’re like okay cool I love this guy I’d do anything for him. and then he fuckin dies

#most often for me this is a romance but last night he was a mentor and it was HORRIBLE #my actual real life sister also died in the dream which was way more tragic than the guy #but in the light of day feels less mean. because I am awake now and can go No I know my sister is not dead I can call her on the phone #but this guy? my mentor who taught me everything I know? he doesn’t exist so he’ll always be dead to me #that’s just Mean y’know #anyway if I could remember more of my dream it’d probably make a decent ya novel #like it had narrative cohesion and a floating magic school and epic war between good and evil #I’m VERY interested in the floating magic school. might incorporate that into a dnd campaign #this has been a post

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zatna · 26 days

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my zatanna is transfem btw

#shes stated as unlabeled in my carrd bc i have my own thoughts on homo magi gender & sex and i cant like...#put all of that into my one-line bio so shes unlabeled (which she'd say herself if u were to ask!) bc its the most accurate to her feelings #but ill always be associating the trans(/fem) flag w/ her bc its also true #need to write that homo magi thing out tho dont i...long sigh.#that means it has to be coherent and i cant end it with “u get me?”.....longer sigh #me saying that is not in anyway implying that ill work on it any time soon whatsoever btw #just take note that i will write my own origin & general identity for the homo magi. it might take canon influences but yeah #giovanni is definitely a man who had homo magi blood in him but was raised in modern society and norms and therefore expectations and such #he worked to wield and harness magic as a tool (while he still appreciated it its different than direct descendants!)#while sindella has a more larger connection and life to magic itself being a direct descendant. love the idea of being made of magic!!#has a natural synchronization with magic/energy/soul/etc and its own way of enlightenment #they had managed to fall in love which is so sweet but they experience the life of magic completely differently!#zee has a natural disconnection from gender norms & such due to sindella but she still GREW UP in modern society w/ gio #homo magis have an innate agenderness to them perchance......idk wtf im saying im high as bawls #either way untuck queen xoxo

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sundial-bee-scribbles · 21 days

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I've been looking for this one au where Len basically becomes a mad scientist and turns his friends into robots one by one for a while now, and I'm beginning to realize that I just read through your blog while half asleep a few months back and mixed together my memories of your flower hivemind and composite au

this is very funny to me. i'm absolutely honored this blog's posts were enough to evil-farming-game an entire vocaloid au into your memories 😂

i can give you this doodle; it's composite au but i'm sure it'd fit very well with this theoretical mad scientist len au lololl

#ask #anonymous #this is ALSO funny to me bc of 'mad scientist' and 'flower hivemind au' in the same paragraph. it reminds me of an old scrapped idea #i had about where tf the flowers even came from in the first place but i ended up never doing anything w/ it #i've been thinking abt composite au though uag i want to do more w/ it... rip the unfinished refs and one google doc thing i have #shaking myself like ITS OKAY IF THE STORY KINDA SUCKS AT FIRST!! YOU NEED TO START SOMEWHERE #cus i mean i wouldve never gotten anywhere w/ Certain Things had i not started with the og shitty versions. which were SHIT #but its wild to think ~7 years later i transmogrified them into the things they are now. wack. makes me wonder what will happen #to stuff im making now later down the line if i go and revisit it. SO CONCLUSION YES BITCH GET OVER YOUR FUCKING ANXIETY #i think my other problem is i'd loveee to reveal it slowly with like art pieces comics etc but i dont got time for that 😔😔#CURSE WITH LITERALLY EVERYTHING I MAKE TBH not just fandom shit but original shit too. i need to get over myself #cause i do know respectfully not everyone has the skill/time/desire to pick apart things for symbolism so a clearer explanation #would prob be more accessible. and easier for ME TOO TO HAVE SHIT IN ONE FUCKING PLACE MAN. actually how i've been taking notes lately #sorry these are some longass fucking tags im talking to myself. just went into a new academic year w a lot of stress #so thinking abt my own crazy stories keeps me sane and makes me feel like i have control over at least SOME aspect of my life #anyways circling back mad scientist len sounds incredible lowkey though lmao. its always the stem lens 😔💔✌️#JK?? but i do joke abt composite au len partly going insane bc he's a biochem major essentially so yeah bitch i fucking get it 😭 no wonder

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primordial0riginator · 3 months

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Me, the only Ares and Nyx shipper on planet earth: 😏

#shut up alli #i mean in general too not just in this game specifically #i have my reasons #mainly being that of Ares being an often mischaracterized god and Nyx scares Ares’ fuck ass dad Zeus lmao #I will defend Ares with my LIFE he is not a bad god. not as bad as some of the other ones anyway #his parents hate him but it’s literally Zeus and Hera idgaf what they think #I know the general assumption is to portray him as evil feral man but I simply do not agree #I do think of course he is chaotic and a hothead but I just don’t think the man who killed his kid’s rapist is that bad idk #he’s also celebrated by women btw. he’s good to women #so when people make him off to be a sleazy creep it drives me insane he has NEVER been shown to assault anybody #idk everyone kinda clowned on him in written stuff about him and somehow the stuff showing his positive traits were mostly lost #which means everyone who does interpretations of him in modern media always does the same goddamn thing for him #makes me saddddd Ares you were done dirty #Hades so far has had a fine interpretation of Ares imo though. I like this fella and the way he counts the amount of enemies you killed #anyway I think Ares and Nyx should kiss. he deserves a dark beautiful women who doesn’t care that he kills ppl #I do think Ares and Aphrodite are cute btw I get the whole sybolism of love x war so no shade to it #butttt I also like playing with mythological beings like dolls hehe #anyway I’m autistic bye I have to go the store

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emuwarum · 3 months

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fighting for my life on reddit talking about parthenogenesis and sequential hermaphroditism

#Emu tries to post #good god #someone has come into the conversation saying #HEY THATS NOT TRUE INTERSEX FISH CAN REPRODUCE ASEXUALLY #my sudden acquaintance . That word does not mean what you think it means #I was saying that I've never heard a case of an intersex fish/aquatic invert yet #and that anyway no intersex individual would be able to reproduce with both sets of organs #because someone brought it up (about betta fish reproducing asexually?) and I had to explain what it actually means #and now I have to explain to this guy that intersex and hermaphrodite are two very different things and you have gotten them badly mixed ip #also fighting for my life when people try to tell me ramshorns reproduce with self fertilisation #THEY DONT.#somehow I'm becoming a semi expert on the topic of snail reproduction #and because people get confused I also have to know about sequential hermaphroditism #which at least there is no aquatic snail doing that #idk what land snails do #everyone is always like: all snails are one sex and reproduce asexually!!1!111 #nooooooo #even the few species of aquatic hermaphrodite still mostly need partners #only 2 species actually reproduce asexually. And one of them is gonochoric #well technically parthenogenesis doesn't count as asexual apparently??#but for the purposes of me talking about which snails reproduce without sex they do count

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here-there-were-dragons · 3 months

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i have to wonder what super hardcore militant vegans think should be done about obligate carnivore animals, because in all my painfully-rapidly-approaching-30-years i've literally never actually seen anyone give a clear consistent much less halfway feasible answer on that