#which idk maybe thats dumb bc by that logic i should feel the same way about a lot of other tech

[animemusicbrackets]

for the bracket, are songs using Synthesizer V vocals allowed? i know you said that utau was alright, but i just wanted to make sure before i put my submission in

yes synthesizer v is fine to submit

[babysizedfics]

hiii!! ok so i was thinking abt this au yesyerday and i was like “:O how cute would it be if lo and pat got married???” now idk if thats ever a thing theyd do but imagine them getting married and virgil throwing the flowers!! he could be the flower baby!!!! just imagine ro walking him down the aisle (to keep him safe bc hes the best big brother ever) while hes gently tossing lil flowers and giggling 🥺 yEs i know he cant walk well but lemme have this fjjjdksjdjdj -💚

okay i can't imagine this being a legal wedding BUT roman arranging a surprise garden wedding for them........

like little prince has been working on this for WEEKS since pat and lo essentially come out to the boys as dating each other

and he let baby vee in on it too! but only in the last week because he didnt want vee to spoil it but he really needed help making the decorations

actually this is the first time roman is little and virgil is big and they interact!! virgil is a bit anxious and stunted with little prince but essentially he just treats roman the same and its goes fine, it's actually easier to get along with him like this in some ways because when they're both big they just bicker

(before you ask yes i am writing a fic where virgil tries out caregiving and yes its as disasterous as romans attempts but in a different way)

when the day of the wedding comes roman convinces patton to leave baby vee with logan for a bit and roman sneakily offers to do pattons makeup

and after some pink glittery LOL surprise flavoured lip gloss and roman making a flower crown for his dad, he guides him into the garden - patton weakly argues that its too late to be playing outside because the sun is setting but really he cant deny that adorable smile on romans face

they get outside and patton is stunned because the patio is covered in origami flowers in all colours of the rainbow, and theres strings of them snaking up the gazebo railings and electric candles lining the pathway

and it all culminates in a large archway of intertwined branches and origami flowers at the end of the patio, framing the pink and orange sunset in the sky

'roman, sweetheart, this is gorgeous'

but patton hasnt got much more time to stand in awe because roman is pushing him eagerly to stand in the archway and then runs off. and patton doesnt think much of it - to be honest he's just amazed that roman had made all of this and takes out his phone to take lots of pictures of the wonderful scene

and then he hears logan's shocked voice: 'roman... what is the meaning of this?'

patton slips his phone back into his khakis pocket and turns back to see logan with virgil on his hip standing in the doorway

roman is smiling as wide as ever and looking between pat and lo and holding a basket of flower petals - on closer inspection later patton realises its torn pieces of the rainbow origami paper

and it doesn't click until roman is prying virgil's hand off of logan's shirt and pushing the basket into his hand despite the babys little whines 'vee come on, we talked about this. you need to be the flower boy!'

and suddenly pattons heart is in his throat and he looks up at logan who is redfaced and staring at him with wide eyes

but neither of them stop it

after a bit more coaxing from roman virgil takes the basket and roman shoves logans shoulder

'mom you gotta put him down you're not allowed up the aisle yet'

and logan is dumbfounded and just does as hes told, his eyes not leaving patton's face

and roman very very carefully walks his little brother down the aisle - it takes a while despite it only being about 20 feet of distance because virgil is wobbly, but roman is a very protective big brother and has a firm hold around his shoulders. he stops them every few steps and whispers to vee and with his other hand he helps vee pick some flower petals and throw them on the path

baby vee starts to get excited by the pretty colours and the fluttery petals and by the time they have reached patton everyone is smiling at the sweet giggles coming from the baby as he tips the basket over to make the rest of the petals fall onto patton's crocs

'what a sweet little flower bud' patton cooes and picks virgil up - the baby buries his face in papa's shoulder with a blush

'mom n-now now now now you gotta come down the the aisle!!' roman stutters, literally bouncing on his toes and squealing with excitement when logan chuckles with a blush and then takes the first step forward

patton could not be paid to look away from logan's begrudging pout which so so obviously tried to conceal his shy smile (and thoroughly failed)

it feels like minutes before logan reaches his side, but patton knows it can't be more than a few seconds

when they're standing next to each other with virgil on pattons hip and roman giggling with excitement in front of them in the archway, logan and patton get so shy and blushy

logans cheeks are red and he's smiling a little and can't quite meet pattons eyes

and patton is biting his lip to hide how it trembles and his eyes are wide and his belly is FULL of butterflies and he knows he might be swaying a bit too fast for the baby on his hip but he just cannot keep still

'dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to marry mommy and daddy,' roman said very formally. 'they're both really nice and fun and pretty and theyre the bestest. if anyone here objects to this, then you're dumb. *whispering* vee do you have the rings?'

patton looks down at the baby in his arms who pouts and whines and points at ro

'oh yeah i took them!' roman gasps, fumbling in the pocket of his shorts

patton and logan didn't know what they had been expecting - plastic toy rings perhaps? maybe even those haribo sweets? - but they definitely had no idea that roman would reveal two very real wedding rings, one gold, one silver

and then its very serious, its very tangible, it's very real

the caregivers look up to each other both with a question in their eyes: should we really do this?

and its the first time their eyes have met directly for more than half a second since logan appeared in the doorway

and as they gaze at each other the questions in their eyes fade and melt into soft adoration

they smile at each other and look back to roman expectantly

'do you mommy take daddy to be your morally wedded husband?'

'i do' logan says confidently, and patton has to remind himself to breathe

'do you daddy take mommy to be your logically wedded husband?'

'yes!' patton giggles quite hysterically, and has to reign himself in to manage a breathy 'i-i do!'

roman positively beams. 'eep!! th then i now pronounce you husbands!! Now n Now NOW KISS!!'

patton and logan grin at each other for a couple of seconds before logan gently eases pattons jaw up with gentle fingers and locks their lips. its an awkward position because patton is still mainly facing away from logan with virgil clinging onto his opposite side, but they dont care, the kiss is just as magical as every one they have ever shared and will ever share

[doctormage]

ok as promised here's my whole thedosian astrology spiral in one big post

underneath a read more bc i love you all

starting w my tags from the first post bc context:

#bc i saw a post that put the zodiac seasons (for thedas) roughly from the 20th of one month to the 20th of the next #like it is irl #but the zodiac seasons coincide w the actual seasons #the start of aries season is the vernal equinox #the start of cancer season is the summer solstice #the start of libra season is the autumnal equinox #the start of capricorn season is the winter solstice #and (to my knowledge??) the seasons in thedas start with their annum holidays or whatever #wintersend = beginning of spring #summerday = beginning of summer #all souls day = beginning of fall #satinalia = beginning of winter #(someone PLEASE correct me if im wrong on that) #well i know summerday and satinalia are right but #ANYWAY #using that logic the zodiac seasons would also start on those days #thedas-aries season would run from the 1st to the 30th of guardian #thedas-taurus would be 1-30 drakonis #thedas-gemini would be 1-30 cloudreach #so that thedas-cancer aka the start of summer aka summerday aka THE FIRST OF BLOOMINGTIDE #kSLFdfslkdFDKs #anyway. now i have to be Right about this#my previous hyperfixation and my current one.....coming together....to make me into a Massive Bitch<3

when would the zodiac signs' seasons take place in the thedosian calendar?

so bc the zodiac signs are based on constellations and all the lore etc that accompanies them i'm not even gonna touch that (YET.....yet...) but since spring, summer, autumn, and winter start on the first days of guardian, bloomingtide, august, and firstfall, respectively, so would those particular seasons of the zodiac

thedas-equivalent-of-aries season would just be 1-30 guardian, bc irl the beginning of aries season coincides with the beginning of spring and continues until the sun moves into taurus; all the cardinal signs (aries, cancer, libra, capricorn) begin on the first of the season like that, so we can assume that – IF there are 12 zodiac signs in thedas – the sun is in each sign for approximately a month. so that in 3 months the next cardinal sign can coincide w the beginning of that season

imo it makes sense that (if we're assuming thedas also has 12 signs and that their sun spends roughly equal time in all of them) four of them would coincide w the beginning of the seasons. so like yeah thedas is fake and for all we know they have 10 zodiac signs and they all start on wildly different days, but then everything is just shooting in the dark and where's the fun in that. obviously the changing of the seasons is important to them bc their holidays center around them, therefore i don't think it's wildly out of the blue to think that whatever star sign system they have going on would similarly coincide w the changing seasons

again i'm not currently bothering with picking constellations/symbols/stories/traits/etc for each sign so i'll just say first, second, third etc. point being the seasons of the zodiac would actually be like they are below, rather than how they are irl (aka the 20th-ish of each month to the 20th-ish of the next; it's like that irl bc our calendar is stupid and the beginning of the seasons randomly happens 2/3 of the way thru the month):

first sign = begins spring, 1-30 guardian

second sign ≈ 1-30 drakonis

third sign ≈ 1-30 cloudreach

fourth sign = begins summer, 1-30 bloomingtide

fifth sign ≈ 1-30 justinian

sixth sign ≈ 1-30 solace

seventh sign = begins autumn, 1-30 august

eighth sign ≈ 1-30 kingsway

ninth sign ≈ 1-30 harvestmere

tenth sign = begins winter, 1-30 firstfall

eleventh sign ≈ 1-30 haring

twelfth sign ≈ 1-30 wintermarch

okay so we have cardinal signs, what about fixed and mutable signs?

the cardinal signs are CALLED the cardinal signs bc they begin the seasons; they're the ~get up and goers~ of the zodiac, motivated, leaders, trail blazers, energetic, etc. they litchrally bring in the changes of the season so that makes sense right

so IF we are to continue w that logic — and here's where i'm getting (even more) conjecture-y, but i feel p confident that since 4 of the 5 major holidays in thedas are based on the changing seasons aka thats important — then the traits of the thedas-equivalent of those signs would also have similarities to the irl cardinal signs (namely the traits listed above)

but there are also FIXED signs and MUTABLE signs: so called bc fixed signs are firmly planted in the middle of each season (taurus in spring, leo in summer, scorpio in autumn, aquarius in winter) and bc mutable signs precede the major change from one season to the next (gemini from spring to summer, virgo from summer to autumn, sagittarius from autumn to winter, pisces from winter-to-spring)

and again bc these are based on the seasons, it also makes sense to me that, generally speaking, the signs in the middle and at the end of the seasons would also be distinct in some way. and probably have similarities to irl fixed and mutable signs, tho i'm not as obstinate about that as i am abt the cardinal signs. but anyway MOVING ON

[the one section with the fan-made sky map ended up being relatively useless even tho the sky map was in fact very cool]

general disclaimer that at this point i’m literally just. straight up guessing lmao

also since we only have so many constellations we see in-game, and since they each come with a codex giving us at least a little background info (aka CRUMBS), any suggestions of which constellations are part of the zodiac are based on those specifically. obviously in real life theres a bazillion constellations that aren’t part of the zodiac, but we do not have the luxury of knowing every constellation in thedas so i am going with what we got

the thedosian constellation map (the canon one) is different than the fan-made sky map, but because i highly doubt anyone at bioware could’ve predicted someone would be As Insane As I Am Being Right Now about it, i don’t think they probably put a lot of thought into making it lmao. the fan made sky map DID have thought put into it tho, and it actually features the constellations we see in-game, so i’m going w that one ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

AND. i’m gonna look at the names of the months (both the fancy ancient tevinter names and the ~low/common~ names) in comparison w the constellations we have at our disposal bc why the fuck wouldn’t they be related in some way. this has no basis in any deeper logic than “maybe the fact that the ‘common’ name for this month is drakonis has somethinng to do with the constellation draconis idfk” but like. it’s literally the same name but with one letter (that makes the same sound) changed. i don’t think i’m asking too much here lmao

signs that start the seasons

wintersend is canonically associated with the old god urthemiel; the codex entry for the constellation bellitanus states it (is believed that it) was originally associated with urthemiel. using the same reasoning as with satinalis/satinalia, i’m gonna assume that bellitanus-as-a-zodiac-season would start with wintersend and last through the whole of guardian

summerday was once called andoralis, dedicated to the old god andoral; the codex entry for the constellation servani states it is thought to be representative of andoral, but where the wiki says andoral is the god of unity, the codex says andoral was the god of slaves. (doesn’t clarify if andoral is like, a figure to which the enslaved would turn to in their plight, as like a savior? or whether andoral is...just associated with slaves in some way.) i have no idea what the fuck to do w that except assume bioware is back on their bullshit! i’m gonna come back to this later

all soul’s day was once funalis, dedicated to dumat, old god of silence; the codex entry for the constellation silentir (which literally means ‘silence’ lmao) is usually said to represent dumat. so by this logic we might say the zodiac season for silentir begins with all soul’s day and ends with the last day of august

the constellation satinalis is canonically associated with satinalia, so it makes sense to me that if satinalis is part of the zodiac, its season would start with satinalia / last through the month in which the holiday takes place. aka firstfall

with these in mind, we have (tentatively) 3 of our 4 cardinal signs aka the signs that begin the seasons: bellitanus for spring, silentir for autumn, and satinalis for winter

looking at the fan-made sky map, these aren’t super evenly spaced apart (but then again neither are irl constellations perfectly proportioned so whatever!) HOWEVER. they do still, at least vaguely 😭, follow a clockwise pattern in the correct order of guardian/spring → summerday/bloomingtide → all soul’s day/august → satinalia/firstfall. it’s about the small victories ok *inquisitor ameridan voice* take moments of happiness where you find them or whatever

what about the other 8 signs???

great question!!! haha!!!

✨I Am Once Again About To Start Guessing Wildly✨

because even tho the “cardinal signs” go clockwise and in order, there’s still an uneven amount of constellations BETWEEN them. there should be 2 between each but, for example, silentir and satinalis only have tenebrium between them. and there are fucking....TEN constellations between satinalis and bellitanus so we’re going to have to get even more creative somehow<3 lmao these are all taken from the codex entries for the constellations (the names are links!)

TOTH: tevinter old god of fire, thats p much it. the codex does say sometimes toth is depicted as a “flaming orb” which maybe i truly have succumbed to the brain worms but i hear ‘orb’ and ‘god’ and ‘flame’ (aka light/energy/etc or perhaps idk a fucking explosion) and yall already know where my dumb ass is going w that 🥴

since the rules are made up and the points dont matter, i have decided Fuck Bioware, toth is going with summerday now. i dont give a rats ass about andoral since apparently they dont care to tell us what he was actually god of, so welcome toth you are now in charge of the beginning of summer bc i said so

TENEBRIUM: associated with lusacan, tevinter old god of darkess/night. also obvious associations with falon’din, elven god of death, whose sacred animal is an owl

pea brain analysis: its dark in winter lol; slightly larger, maybe lima-bean-sized brain analysis: the beginning of a new year (aka first day aka first of wintermarch) could hypothetically be associated w the past ‘dying.’ and also the holiday was originally an annual check to make sure everyone was alive, so i don’t see why gods of death can’t be associated w making sure all your loved ones weren’t taken by said god of death lol

ELUVIA: commonly called “sacrifice,” it’s (apparently) based on an orlesian tale in which a woman is saved from a “””lustful mage””” (i love bioware i love this frachise) by being placed in the sky and becoming a constellation. before this inspiring tale that is definitely not anti mage propaganda, eluvia may have represented razikale, tevinter old god of mystery. the imagery of this constellation is a seated woman with a cloud right above her - literally like her head is in the clouds (also bc it sounds like ‘eluvian’ i’m like 👀)

i’m inclined to pair this one up with cloudreach both bc the ancient tevinter name is “eluviesta” and bc the woman in the story is literally. in the clouds. simple enough

PERAQUIALUS: it’s a boat! but apparently a “primitive vessel” sailed by ancient peoples like the neromenians. according to the codex the translation is usually ‘across the sea’ rather than ‘boat’ but that doesnt rly help me lol

sorry my beloved. before me stand 10 beautiful constellations but i only have 9 pictures in my hands. you are not thedas’s next top zodiac sign

DRACONIS: obviously its a dragon lol

i think the drakonis (the month) / draconis (this constellation) correlation is. pretty evident lmao and since we have all but thrown credible hypothesizing out the window, why NOT?? why not make drakonis the season of draconis!!! 🤡

FERVENIAL: an oak; some believe it could be representative of andruil, elven goddess of the hunt, as the vir tanadhal (“way of the three trees”) is her whole thing

sigh idk *spins wheel* leaves start changing color in mid-late autumn so *spins wheel again* fervenial can go with harvestmere which is thedas-october it’s fine

JUDEX: a big ol sword, sometimes called the “sword of mercy,” referring to pre-andrastian concepts of justice in ancient tevinter

speaking of pulling ideas right out of my ass, if this constellation is associated w justice it makes sense to me that its season would be in the month of justinian. bc again why the fuck not!

EQUINOR: the stallion / a horse, sometimes depicted as a seated griffon. some speculate the original imagery was a halla, linking the constellation to the elven god ghilan’nain aka “mother of the halla”

i am really grasping at straws here HAHA but the word haring (as a gerund/present participle of the verb ‘hare’) can mean to run or go with great speed. horses go fast, ghilan’nain is invoked when elves want to travel quickly, blah blah blah. whatever

SOLIUM: the sun; one interpretation is that it indicates an ancient fascination with ALL objects in the sky (aka both the sun and moon[s]), another interpretation associates it with the elven god elgar’nan, aka “eldest of the sun”

alright i know the name ‘solas’ means pride in elvhen and the word ‘solace’ means like comfort/consolation, neither of which have jack shit to do with the sun, so i shouldn’t assume solis is associated with solium exclusively bc they start with ‘sol’ and sol means sun in...a lot of irl languages lol HOWEVER. i have an even worse reasoning we can fall back on which is that it’s in summer and it’s...fucking sunny??? LMAO im so sorry

FENRIR: the white wolf 👁👄👁 scholars apparently dont know wtf to do w this one; obviously there is a case to be made about its association with fen’harel

i have talked myself in circles on this one but whenever i try to type it out it makes Zero Fucking Sense lmao so. i may come back and edit this but for now just know it’s going with kingsway and i want yall to know i do have some stupid nebulous reasoning for that in my silly little brain but communicating it is simply not in the cards for me today god bless 🙏

alright so what bullshit have you proposed at the end of all this EXTREMELY shaky guesswork, queen?

HERE YOU GO I GUESS

Bellitanus: begins spring, 1-30 Guardian

Draconis: 1-30 Drakonis

Eluvia: 1-30 Cloudreach

Toth: begins summer, 1-30 Bloomingtide

Judex: 1-30 Justinian

Solium: 1-30 Solace

Silentir: begins autumn, 1-30 August

Fenrir: 1-30 Kingsway

Fervenial: 1-30 Harvestmere

Satinalis: begins winter, 1-30 Firstfall

Equinor: 1-30 Haring

Tenebrium: 1-30 Wintermarch

next time i have a death wish i will come back and speculate what kind of traits would be associated w these signs (based on the ~lore~ surrounding the constellations, their tentative places as cardinal/fixed/mutable, etc) but i just wasted precious hours of my life on this and i cant look at it anymore!!!

also want to reiterate that, regarding the post i saw earlier that i disagreed with, my refutation of that argument ended like 2 reblogs many sections ago lol. the only thing i feel confident defending is that the different seasons of the zodiac would – based on the actual changing 4 seasons – start on the first of each month and end on the last day of each month, as opposed to the way it is in real life western astrology

all this other bullshit is just for fun (??? i guess????) and based ALMOST entirely on my own assumptions. informed by actual shit from the games ofc but mainly me just

EDIT: would like to add that i don't have world of thedas or any other supplementary shit; all i have at my disposal is the 3 games, their DLCs, and the wiki lol. so if there's anything here that WOT (or smth else) contradicts please lmk! and also sorry for any typos lmao

hope yall enjoyed witnessing this fully unhinged moment w me bye<3

[tomiyeee]

finished the story quests for bl3 (but barely any of the side missions yet) and i got...Opinions(tm)

(sorry if this doesn’t cut on mobile! also if you want to hide spoilers i’m tagging all my bl3 posts as “bl3 spoilers” so ny’all can blacklist it)

in no particular order:

i honestly wanted to give gearbox some slack and try my best to like this game bc i know people had probably unfairly high expectations for this game given all the build up, but they really just kept letting me down in everything but the graphics

said this before but overall, the characters are all Quite lackluster

^^ tyreen and troy included. adding the word "bitch" to every sentence does not automatically make it funnier

that being said, i super love their backstory + relationship with typhon/nekofeyo-whatever

the character designs are equally boring. moxxi was the only one who got a real improvement imo. lilith and maya are okay. rhys...i dont think i have to explain. lia...i dislike her hair; the black felt like it balanced out her design better and the white streak was interesting and cool but full white just looks bad tbh. zer0 feels less sleek and more bulky which doesnt fit him much. tina lost her pretty color palette and cute outfit. where are all the bright pretty color palettes in general???? there are other colors besides brown and black???? use them?????

ending of pre-sequel: “you will need all the vault hunters you can get” me: “ooh does that mean all the vh’s from previous games are back? i can’t wait to see everyone meet each other! :D” bl3: only nine of them come back, 3 of them die, the rest are involved in maybe one mission at most

boss fights. super. boring. and tedious. i mean this could be partly because i was playing on ps4 which made it extra not fun but if the only reason the fight is difficult is because they have a lot of health...it's not fun or challenging. i want fights like handsome jack with interesting mechanics. i want fights like angel with emotional impact. i want fights like the pre-sequel final boss that i forgot the name of with variation that isnt just "now they have an attack that shines bright lights in ur eyes, covers the whole arena, and can knock you down in one hit im looking at you traunt and killavolt". tyreens fight was the only one that i somewhat enjoyed because of this. all the others were just like "ughhhh again?"

im really enjoying melee amara playstyle. taking out badass enemies in four hits is my jam. this is just my fallout 4 playthrough all over again babey heck yea

typhon just wanted to be a good dad!!! he called tyreen starlight which is adorable!!! he did the best he could and tyreen hated him for it!!! i don’t blame either of them for that tbh, it makes sense from both their perspectives. tyreen definitely should have been more understanding, but she’s a dick so :/ (not saying this is a writing flaw, just a character flaw)

hammerlock needs higher standards in men but i really appreciate the undeniably in-your-face "fuck you" to all gamer dudes

i really. hate. how little the player character seems to matter in the story. in pre-sequel the vh's all had unique dialogue AND npcs would respond, sometimes even with character-specific lines. even when it was the same across vh's, it still felt like the npcs were interacting and speaking directly to them. the player character felt like a character of their own, rather than just a vessel for the player to do quests and kill enemies with or an errand runner for the important characters. i thought that was the direction they were going in with bl3 too but this just feels like bl2 only worse. there’s a separation again between you and the story and it feels like you’re just watching things happen. now ur not just a silent protagonist, but instead your a speaking protagonist who gets completely ignored. whats the point of including unique dialogue if it's not even acknowledged beyond an "uh-huh, moving on"?

sometimes the logic just feels kinda dumb. the twins killed/disabled maya and lilith in a heartbeat, they can literally disintegrate the most powerful beings in the universe, but the vault hunters? absolutely not. they must fight them for 40 minutes and then die.

after the fight with troy, no one even touched tyreen. there's no way they could have thought "yup she's definitely dead, no need to shoot her in the head or anything just to make sure. we didn't do anything to even hurt her, we just assumed." turns out she's 100% alive and gets up to start the apocalypse. who'da thunk! i know they wanted the end to seem more dramatic but it just seems stupid that they could have stopped tyreen like 5 missions earlier had they even the slightest bit of common sense.

lilith was one of the biggest threats to tyreen and troy's whole plan. of course they should leave her alive and simply steal her powers. let's kill the monk siren instead.

i know they didn't include this to give all players a fair experience instead of favoring sirens, but it kinda sucks playing a siren character and it's just completely ignored outside of ur action skill. tyreen and troy are sapping siren powers left and right, but they choose to leave you with yours. when you enter the eridian place with typhon tannis starts glowing because it has "something to do with sirens". what about the one standing right next to her? this applies to bl2 as well...jack i would willingly charge ur vault key for u pls why do u take lilith instead :'(

oh yeah speaking of tannis! i LOVE that she got angels powers. for some reason it just makes me really happy. maybe it's bc i think it's sweet that part of angel survived. maybe it's because it makes for cool fanart. maybe it's just cool. idk. also like that we got a solid explanation of what angel's powers were (influence over technology). i always thought her having control over it in bl2 might've been cuz it was hyperion tech and she had access to it same as she had access to the satellite from bl1. it wasn't super clear since it seemed like she could also materialize things like the ammo during her fight.

that also reminds me: all the dramatic reveals in this game felt kinda badly done.

the very first one with zer0/katagawa. like the whole time i was walking around looking for him i was trying to think why he might've turned/something must have happened to him or rhys. everyone was saying it was undeniably zer0. i finally meet him and take one look at his bright ass maliwan armor and its like. really. you couldnt have made it anymore obvious that thats not zer0. and then his helmet gets knocked off and surprise! it's not him. i totally didnt already figure that out with one glance 10 seconds ago. (maybe even earlier when you got glimpses of him around the building but i always missed it cuz i was looking at the fish tanks n shit)

also the tannis reveal. she was speaking to me in the same way that only known siren characters could. weird unexplained things were happening and seemed to be related to tannis. i wonder if she's a siren? surprise! she's a siren.

tyreen and troy knew about the great vault through some unknown means. typhon was talking about having a son and a daughter who he told stories about the great vault. typhon calls tyreen his daughter a while later and lilith acts surprised like honey ur a little slow, i figured that out several lines ago.

basically i'm not saying they were so obvious that i knew from the beginning of the game; i only figured them out a little before they were outright stated. but it was enough that it kinda ruined the effect and the characters acting surprised only when it was blatantly spelled out for them just made it annoying.

i feel like most of this is pretty negative, but i don’t mean that i hate the game and was miserable playing it. it was honestly okay...like i said i wanted to like it, but gearbox hates me specifically and killed/ruined all my faves just to spite me sooo...*waves hand back and forth in a sort of “ehhh” gesture*. i think my opinion on bl games from most to least fav would be: tftbl, bltps, bl2, bl3, and bl1. so it’s not the worst, but deeefinitely not one of my faves. i mean jack’s not in it (or if he is he doesn’t have a big role) so it’s already at a huge disadvantage. the ending was ok, it was all dramatic n stuff and it kinda makes sense i guess, but it was just about as okay as the rest of the game really. i don’t hate it but it’s not great either yknow?

[alchemist-shizun]

As expected, Dealing with intrusive thoughts is now one of my favorites

Here I come with almost all of my reactions on the episode, even though I tagged the spoiler warnings I put everything under the cut just in case. Enjoy the emotional rollercoaster while I'll probably go and rewatch it again.

Okay kinda expected one or two of the warnings but all of them together what is gonna happen???? (Though they make sense after reading the title)

HELLO FRESH BACK AGAIN

"I'm awesome and I can do this" there goes my boy. *said boy falls flat on the floor* ...come on

I felt that yawn bc I stayed up all night waiting for the video but it dropped at 8 am, I'm an idiot who should've gotten more sleep

"help me" why is he such a mood "everything is going wrong in my life" same but YOU SHOULDN'T SAY THAT LET ME HUG YOU

They're all sinking up so fast god I missed my bois. Also the general awkwardness of Virge and Pat, greeeeat something will go wrong

Virgil just ignoring everything and touching the railing, a mood

ALSO PLEASE LET ROMAN IN THE SITUATION

SECRET SECRETS ARE NO FUN TELL ME NOW OR ELSE WE'RE DONE

wait why does Ro want to be deeply troubled- man are you okay-

LOGAN'S HERE

"your most extreme reaction is an eyebrow raise" "FALSEHOOD" "I stand corrected" omfg

"what are you ta- what are you talking- what are you talking about?" I loved that whole take it made me feel complete

"Look I barely got any sleep" this can apply to a lot of us and I love just how we're all always like "TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF" but in the end this is where we all end up anyway

Okay I'm very curious about these troubling thoughts though

"so sushi" FUCCC I DIED RIGHT THERE

"Don't act like that was an accident" "everybody, Virgil. Let's give it up for the Purp Man" these speak for themselves. Also the purp man is my new fav nickname and I'm gonna use it.

4:17 Patton is adorable bye

"if you continue to push this we're going to end up in really dangerous territory" AND THAT'S WHERE THE TENSION STARTED TO BUILD UP

great flick

"am I delirious or is this the funniest video I've ever made" I felt that

YOU HIGH-JOCKED

okay but when Thomas starts disassociating I also feel really weird like as if there was something blocking my own hearing for real?? And not just the audio edited like that?? Maybe I'm just too tired

WHAT WHO WHHH first intrusive thought making its way what is gonna happen

OH MY GOD ROMAN WATCH OUT ALSO THAT'S DEFINITELY A NEW DARK SIDE OR SMTH LIKE THAT

W HO THE FUCKLKDSL IS THAT A MOUSTACHE IS THAT GLITTER WHAT IN THE WORLD IS HE WEARING WHAT IS HE DOING THERE PLEASE- okay but he looks crazy af I like that

"-evIL" "-SHOW UP"

First time I watched the scene where Ro gets knocked out I literally just screamed "ROMAN" in a high pitched sound I was shook wtf my bOY

Patton and Thomas's yells in unison plus "YOU KILLED HIM" I just I JUST

"Ah, he's the Duke" "....... boo" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Okay but his voice is so on point with his character portrayal he's so weird it's awesome?

SONG SONG SONG and oh goodness the visuals I can't fathom how much editing work must have gone through this, they're all so talented.

"aunt patty naked" A G AI N??

"IM GONNA WHIP YOUR BUTT"

a snaKE IT'S DECEIT oh my these silouhettes are so great this is my favorite scene

this is gonna be stuck in my head all day

THE COOL MIRROR EDIT.

god i hate him so much already but i'm super intrigued he's so chaotic the whole team made a wonderful job i'll never stop saying this

"i'm really stupid right now" just how much out of context relatable content are we going to get on this fine day?

omg the dark version of creativity, which can be associated with intrusive thoughts, that's very clever

THE JUICY STUFF DANCE

"Repression can be very bad indeed" I mean he's right tbh it leads to never solving the problem at all

GO LOGAN GO HAVE YOUR TIME TO SHINE FINALLY i missed him

"i can't hear youuuuuu" much like "I don't understand what you're saying I don't know anything about words" THE DARK SIDES ARE ALL SASSY LITTLE BITCHES

pattonnnn did a real good job

THE BRAVE HANDSOME UNBEATABLE ROMAN and mashed potatoes

"scary" and Virgil just gives Thomas a look idk I live on the little details (Im ten minutes into the vid and look how long this post already is)

GEE Remus (already using his name bc it's shorter) looking so offended at the label and then pointing out it should be a Virgil problem whAT DOES THIS MEAN IM SHAKING

WHY WOULD HE BE DECEIT AGAIN IM DYING. "Idk if you guys can tell but I'm a little silly"

"then why are you lying" no everybody I don't need angst

THE BLACK AND THE WHITE THEORY I SAW GOING AROUND good job to whoever thought of that

JOAN

the forbidden dance

INTO A BUTTHOLE WHAT IS IT WITH HIM AND BUTTHOLES

there u go thomas said it too

haters gonna hate hate hate hate hate FHDSLAKLFD

irresponsible parenting, Logan completing the parental unit of the sides

"maybe there's hope for you after all!" me looking at all my wips

REMUS' LAUGH IS PERFECT. also "BITCH WHAT IS *YOUR* DEAL"

"you've never been one to soften the truth" OH BOI HERE WE GO

"do we have some case of brain swap???" I legitly said "maybe" in unison with Patton the first time

Vee pls stop putting Thommy boy down he's having a bad time

Logan trying to put some sense into the situation is my only spark of hope for this to turn back good

REMUS IS SO DRAMATIC

That lick was ....... let's pretend it never happened

"you know who can help us with that???" DECEIT'S SONG COMING UP that was great, imagine the chaos that the duo would create

"THATS WHAT REPRESSION IS?"

gasp Remus trying to make Virgil angry at Logan shall not stand DON'T PUT THEM AGAINST ONE ANOTHER HE'S JUST TRYING TO HELP

"you all are not listening to Thomas" this is the development I needed

"you're just para-" and he cuts himself. You all know what I'm talking about. Foreshadowing probably? This happened too back then when Roman was almost calling him the same. And then Virge looks so hurt I- "thank you for being on guard" that made me want to cry idk

the whole speech Logan gave? Pure gold. That was perfect.

HE SAID FIGURATIVELY *CLAP CLAP CLAP*

"UH RECORD SCRATCH?"

"does this make me cool?" djslagrkglhf also the teeth thing right after what the

... the deodorant eating ...

DUKEY

The first time I watched I thought his name was spelled Remis that's how dumb my Italian ass is

Still I love his name bc I'm a nerd for ancient culture, ESPECIALLY Roman (and ancient Greek but it isn't mentioned here) and I love the little thing they did with both Creativity names, super clever and very much liked on my part.

"I would never hide anything from you" and he looks at Virgil JUST ALL THIS FORESHADOWING

LOGAN SHOWING HIS TEETH BACK UP

"how about you shut up" Roman what the hecc man

THAT THING INTO LOGANS HEAD UNSETTLED ME A BIT

what are they doing to him today let him rest

double blow

"can we logic our way out of that?" everybody nodding was so pure

"shit"

THAT FUCKING JUMPSCARE I'M SORRY WHAT THE FU

"not all thoughts are meaningful"

He's go- no he's back again

THE CALLBACK MENTION AND PATTONS REACTION... probable foreshadowing to what Joan said about there being a part two of SvS?

"When are you actually gonna jump out of a moving car I've been bringing it up for years" so it's not just me..?

"it is okay if the thought happens to cross your mind"

"everything is okay" I'm going to cry I needed that

I love how Logan touches the topic that there is no problem in seeking help from therapists. There's a lot to say on this, but I was really glad that was pointed out since the are a lot of stereotypes on the matter

why did Virgil look like he was about to cry

Patton I love you

Thomas going to rest is what everyone wanted to see

Virgil confronting Remus I'm living you're doing amazing sweetie

"you tickle me emo"

"it was just like old times" then Pat and Lo's looks in this essay I will

ROMAAAAN

VIRGILS SMILE

"YOU'RE ALIVE"

"I LOVE YOU" ME TOO!! ME TOO ME TOO

"are you good?" "are you hurt at all?" I love when the sides look out for each other

"I'm sorry Logan" right through the heart. Another development.

I need y'all to look at Virgil in this exact second because. he.

that's my point.

All those smiles while Logan's talking are making me alive

"No seriously, you're ... really ... cool" I started tearing up right here. Twice. And then Logan sinks down cause he's not at all used to this and he's feeling t h i n g s please keep on being appreciated you deserve it

Also Patton always learning from his mistakes and understanding them when he does something wrong or he thinks in the wrong direction, that's something I think a lot of people need to learn, including myself. Like, it's okay to be wrong and make mistakes, just do your best to make sure you're improving yourself afterwards, instead of dwelling on it too much

"I don't like him" makes two of us

"Soooo you have a brother?" oh boy

The m i r r o r it's making me cry

"He's gone now and he's never coming back!" "I don't think that's-" "BYEE" what was all that talk about repression for if you contiNUE TO DO THIS ROMAN please I beg of you let us hELP YOU he's making me die inside

Oh boi the big moment. I already expected a bomb to drop since Virgil was the last one remaining.

"You okay buddy?" "Huh?" op somehow was already found crying

"I'm a little disappointed in myself" istg all that foreshadowing mixed with me wanting to hug him

The music picking up tension, this is poetic cinema let me tell you

I noticed how he calls them "the others", all these tiny details is what I'm living for

"I should know better" I couldn't beLIEVE IT, also how he seemed to be so frustrated made something inside me break

the pause and then "Because I was one of them", the music stops for a second, a little second in which you can hear my distant screaming "GOSH HE SAID IT IT WAS TRUE"

Thomas is speechless and just stares at him while the music picks up again and then Virgil's sigh and expression sinking down like "there you have it. that's the truth. and you can't do anything about it" he looks so defeated I'm breaking down.

Did I already mention poetic cinema? I just love angst and this scene was perfect

First time watching I, too, barely understood anything I was listening to in the last parte because all of that was really a lot to take in.

"Those thoughts that you may have thought do not define you"

"[the thought] may simply be that we are really okay"

"Go to bed!" me

no im not in the mood for food because for some unfathomable reason I had anxiety before the video dropped yay me

WHY ARE U DRINKING RED WINE WITH THAT DISH

GAVIN BEST BOY EVER

and last but not least: are you fucking serious Remus

THERE'S A SNAKE IN MY BUTT FANDFKJL

I didn't expect this topic at all and I am so glad it was talked about, thankfully my intrusive thoughts do not bother me as much as I realized other people's do. And I never saw anyone talking about this before, which is why it makes this video so important. I saw a tweet recently about someone saying that it is okay if you think about weird things, the important is that you never act on them, that's what makes you a good person. But I think this video really explains it far better and I never realized how common something like this was? So yeah another time in which I've been educated and couldn't be happier about it. These people really are bringing light to the world gah I LOVE THEM.

oKAY guess I'm done this was a wild ride and yeah I tend to point out EVERYTHING, so here you have it, as I already mentioned if you feel the need to geek out too, I'm here for ANYBODY! (pls I have no friends)

[survivormetaverse]

Episode 7 - "Jodi is doing the absolute MOST" ~Colin

Yasssssssss PERIODT!!!! Merge!!!!! Whooooooo

I just want the former fools to spill the tea to me lmao that's all

I made it to merge finally and I feel like I'm doing really good at talking to people. I would have to say that my favorite people right now are Collin, Jared, Amy, Jodi, Ginny and Brayden!! Those are the people I'm feeling like I could trust a lot going foward. I've gotten some sus news about Jay claiming for an alliance that didn't include me in it. So I'm not really trusting that boy right now. But of course I will continue to pretend I do. And Elle is super nice but our convorsations don't really contain much game talk and I really never know where her head is at because she's not the most active. She's more in this thing for the challenges which I can respect BUT ALSO SHES GOOD AT THEM. I think Elle is worried that people percieve her as someone who is good at challenges but it's true. I'm not about to let her win challenges all the way to the final tribal council. She is lowkey my target even though I literally love and adore her. And I met Jodi today and she is so cool and easy to talk to so maybe we will work together too! But I've gotten gossip that Jodi thinks I'm "connected." So I don't really know what that means? I could be a threat to her socially so I might not keep her the closest. 

wow we made merge. i'm not shocked to get to this point, but I am shocked to see that Danny was voted out. That is a major blow to my game he literally needed to survive one (1) more fucking round ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. But the show must go on right? Merge was overwhelming like a flood of people coming in. Some I knew some I didn't but based on my perspective here is my initial analysis of these gorls: Jodi- Finalllllllllly we back baby. Now that Danny is gone, Jodi moved herself up to my number 1 spot. I trust her I really do and I'm glad that we're back together I think that we can run this game together. However, I am withholding information from her. I wanted to tell her about only one idol, but I didn't even though we video chatted and I strongly considered telling her like I think I can trust her but at the same time it was almost like she was trying to pull some info out of me? idk i said that if i ever play the game of survivor i would never tell anyone about my idol and i'm just gonna ride with my gut. But we caught up and we are thinkin a lot of the same stuff. I feel like she's just like me, where she wants me to believe shes giving me 100% trust but shes really giving me 95% the same way I am. I still have my eye on her but she is my ideal person to ride this game with. It's just gonna be a problem when I need an ally to play something with and I'm gonna have to do major damage control. We'll cross that bridge when we get there. Amy- Girlllll idk how I feel about u anymore. Don't play the fakey fakey nicey nicey game with me you cannot bullshit the bullshit artist rn. She's working with others and trying to play the game where shes just nice to everyone and in everyones good graces. no. Jodi and i see you girllll we watchinnnnnn youuuu I don't think she fully wants to work with ginny but shes potentially tight with others too. I believe she has my back to some extent, but i know shes dipping her hand into a lot of pots. Babs- the only person i did not talk to. Colin- I know he's close with Jay so i made nice with him. Jodi informed me that hes tight with her too and I said perf bc he's tight with Jay so that is the formation of the group. Jay- Same stuff. meh. Jared- My king luv u xoxo we haven't talked too too much but I don't think we need to. You get spot number 2 my love. Also he told me about an alliance hes making with i think amy brayden anastasia and him which is good also confirms more that amy is very ugh. Brayden- Meh Ginny- Meh but also literally reached out to me and was like "i'm working with amy and anastasia and i know elle we wanna make a huge merge majority if u wanna join" LIKE WTFFFFFFF EFHIUDEHUDFBFHIUFE like u can't make this stuff up why would u tell me this????? All Ginny has done during this premerge is just reveal to me that shes actually smarter than shes making herself out to be, and it clicks now that she did not really need to connect much with us BECAUSE SHE ALREADY HAD HER PEOPLE THAT SHE WAS WAITING TO GET TO AT MERGE LIKE OMGGG the tribe placements Elle- Now miss elle.... turns out you do have a lot of connections here. And you're smart. interestingggggggggg. You are a problem for me. Anastasia- you are a problem for me already. i see you talking to everyone being all nice and shit like yes i get it youre supposed to be making connections and blah blah blah but not like this youre going about it wrong. And now I know you already have a group that you'd prioritize over me miss thing. Watchin you too. Josh- Glad he survived and I think he's riding with me. Back on original phantoms I told Jodi that I didn't speak to him when in fact josh and I were like alliance yas. I fear that he may have told Jodi that him and I were close and maybe thats where she's starting to get a bit shaky with me. But I know the two of them stuck together with an alliance of Collin Jodi and Josh. Butttt jared did tell me that josh was like i wanna work with u and he could probs be saying that to everyone yas i think i got everyone. So Jodi wants to go for ginny but I wanna go for anastasia. The tricky thing is there are soooo many advantages out there that if you say the wrong thing to someone it'll bite you in the ass unexpectedly and I am reallyyyyy not trying to get blindsided with two fucking idols in my pocket. So I want to get a group together that I proposed to jodi and jared separately which would be me, jodi, jared, jay, colin, josh. I don't think these people would run their mouths about who we voting out just to prevent an advantage from being played. I want to essentially force that group of elle brayden anastasia ginny amy(?) on the bottom but also in my good graces at face value. I think once the merge hit and even talking to jodi and jared the air is different and I feel like everyone is running around making alliances. I feel like jared and jodi even have a different air about them almost like the gears are finally starting to turn. i still gotta trust them and i think i can. It's just not gonna be cute when i start whipping out idols and theyre gonna be like wtf you fucking lied dennis. but again, will cross that bridge when i get there. gonna spend the next two days just chit chatting and being nice to these people. ginny is on the hit list, and i'm glad jodi is being very forward with it because shes just making herself a target.

https://youtu.be/nrrkbecwYCQ

~

https://youtu.be/QRILHU966Y8

WE MERGEDDDD✨ while I was at work rip me 😅 but it's fine I'm idk if I've talked to everyone yet I was kinda busy but anyone who reached out first I did 😂😂 I do wanna talk to Babs she seems great and I haven't yet and I should try to get to know all of the new ppl from the other tribes I haven't met, Jodi reached out anddddd I can't remember if anyone else I didn't already know talked to me 😂 but yeah! 🎶Merge, baby merge, ✨disco inferno✨

https://youtu.be/gAKFLe75uDY update; the alliance is really awkward and turned into like a how i met ur mother fan group HAHAH

https://youtu.be/lp4KXh7xb4M

The phantoms tribe is all in one piece that’s perfect especially when I got Anastasia and Elle on my side as well we are gonna dominate this season whoooooooi

Day two of merge: https://youtube.com/shorts/OvofAokuBtM?feature=share

It was kinda a slow day. I talked with elle for a while today but no game talk. same with anastasia and they wanna make a russians alliance but like this is post-ironic. anastasia cannot run around making alliances with people like its obviously not real? BUT i realized that anastasia is doing this. elle is linked to anastasia. brayden has a linkage there (whos also playing dumb with me like i see right through dis boy). ginny is associated too. amy is involved. i know jared has a fake alliance with them and josh is floating around somewhere too. i may be the only one in here not making a million alliances except like babs lol but the point is i dont need any of those groupings and alliances. let them make groupchats. let thm do whatever because they will all fall apart except the elle/anastasia and co group which has allegiance that goes beyond this game. i just need to essentially stay in the good graces of the people i wanna vote out. because literally most of them are essentially double/triple dipping and people are already on edge and paranoid so like all i need to do is just buy a tiny bit of time, hope that the little tiny seeds that have been growing for a day now sprout in the coming days, and groups and alliances crumble apart. like i didnt do anything wrong for making any move when it comes down it bc essentially nobody wants to involve me? so essentially just painting the picture of being the friendly outsider casting votes until they all realize they cant trust each other. but i trust jared and jay rn and they will help me get through this. jodi also numba 1 buttttttt ughhhhhhhhhhhh i was thinking like okay if people are saying ginny then what is ginny saying? what are ginnys allies saying (if she even has true ones) like my logic would be that the other person receiving votes may be jodi. shes quite vocal and out there and like shes digging herself a grave every day but im not gonna stop her from digging? like if word goes to ginny that ginny may be getting votes and ginny asks who started this shit? it'll probably fall back on jodi. i fear she might not last much longer if she is on the vote because that'll get her in peoples minds. anywho yeah, the important things are that i have a good connection with jared jay and jodi, and i love that i got to jared before any of these other ppl. like theyre all coming to him with stuff and hes just bringing the info back to me. maybe he tells me half truths but nonetheless its something. if we just figure out where votes are going we figure out what to do from within and if i ever pick up on weird vibe changes and shit becomes different based on how they act with me i will whip out one or maybe even two idols teehee. so yeah plan rn, be chill and friendly BUT NOT OVERDO IT LIKE SOME PEOPLE, bank on the fact that there are lots of cracks in some of these groups, and just make sure the vote does not fall on me. :)

MERGE IS INSANE! From a tribe of 6 to 5 to 4 to now 12, it's a lot to keep up with. I'm glad Phantoms stayed afloat and we own 1/2 the merge, but there's a lot going on. Within a day, I created/got added to several alliances, so here's the breakdown (BTW, I CAME UP WITH THE ALLIANCE NAMES AND THEMES. CREDIT TO ME): 1) jodi's lovers – me, Jay, & Jared; this is my F3, this is my alliance. I will go into detail about my history with Jared later, but Jay was in my last org but we never got to play together due to never being swapped together and not making merge. Jay & Jared were swapped together, aligned, then realized I was a commonality so we decided to do a solid 3. This is where my true loyalty lies. All my info from other alliances and conversations are directed here. 2) 21 gang – me, Colin, & Jay; Colin and Jay were tightest on OG S.E.E.S, and Colin and I were tightest on new S.E.E.S. This came together naturally due to that, as well as me and Jay feeling good about playing together. 3) the krusty krab – me, Josh, Colin, & Jay; this is an extension of 21 gang, to pull in Josh as ours and nobody else's. He let out that he knew Danny so now that he's gone, Josh's best option is to stick to me and Colin, and as a result, Jay. This next vote will truly test that he's with us and not any secret alliance with the other side, but I am pretty certain he wouldn't blow up his game with the three of us to save who we're voting out. 4) how i met your mother – me, Amy, Anastasia, Jared, Brayden, Colin; originally they left Colin out but I fought to keep him so that he's in a big alliance and doesn't feel like a side piece, because he isn't. My loyalty is with him and Jared over the rest of them. Having 3/6 on my side is also good because as far as they know, I don't know Jared or Anastasia. This alliance is clearly not really one to stick together, but at the minimum, it's creating fun conversation and personal connections, as well as subconsciously leaving names out of peoples' mouths. That's honestly the only reason why I'm here, as I'm certain that the Stings kids have their separate alliance. ONE ON ONE ALLIANCES: 1. JAY & JARED are truly both my #1s. I'm going with them to the end, even though I'm 99% sure Jared beats both of us for being a Denise, winning advantages, surviving that cursed Fools tribe. 2. Colin honestly would be my tightest person here if not for Jay & Jared being upfront about just running to the end together. Colin essentially is my #1 from new S.E.E.S, and he even told me about his Safety Without Power. I trust him so much, but I cannot trust him over jodi's lovers because he does know Anastasia and Elle and Amy and whoever else. However, he's not my absolute #1 not because I don't trust him, I just trust jodi's lovers more. 3. Dennis – this is a key relationship that I have maintained. I connected with Dennis in hour 1 of the game, but honestly I struggle with trusting him because he is just so paranoid all the time about votes, advantages, alliances, etc. He got freaked out by Amy because she messaged everyone on OG Phantom, like what? We only had 6 people. But I genuinely think he relies on me because he thinks I'm not connected to Stings alumni with him. But he does love to stir up paranoia and try to plant seeds and doubts. We need his vote for the time being, but jodi's lovers agree that he's too paranoid to keep in the long term. And he would flip. 4. Babs/Josh – these two I've just maintained relationships from the swapped tribe and it has paid off because they are numbers coming into the merge. 5. Amy – ah, my OG #1. Girl, I still see you as my #1 occasionally but you've freaked me out with your Ginny and Anastasia alliance, as well as the subtle unwillingness to get rid of Ginny. If it was genuinely just to keep OG Phantom numbers, I understand and I'm sorry for the paranoia, but hopefully you see why that was never gonna be a concern – I had Colin, Jay and Jared (& honestly Babs too) locked down, who are much more willing to play this game with me than Ginny ever did. I love you though and I hope we can get back to #1 status within the next couple rounds. THE KIDS WILL PICK EACH OTHER OVER US. I'll share my story with Jared as well as our Merge boot plan in the next confessional(s). 

~

The Story of me and Jared Lai. I was going to film this (still might) but my phone is out of storage. But here is the (not so) juicy story of me and Jared. He and I were both competitive badminton players when we were younger. He lived in Seattle, while I lived in Vancouver; in 2013, I met him at a badminton tournament because his club came up to play. I don't distinctly recall what the instant spark was, but we met that once and maybe had half a conversation. Of course, me being 13, thought he was a cutie and word got out, I guess he found out. I had maybe spoken to him once in person at the time, so he's probably really freaked out that some girl he's barely met has this huge crush on him. So I ended up literally never talking to him for years, because it just was awkward. Fast forward to recently, he started noticing that I was posting some Survivor stuff on my finsta (which he's followed since I made it like 7 years ago?) and realized I was a Survivor fan. I posted about my application for Metaverse (something about the flirt game I wanted to play) on my finsta and he asked me what it was, so I hesitantly sent him the link and he signed up. In all honesty, I didn't mention this earlier because I was dreading being put together or swapped together, because I really was not ready for the level of socializing with him that this game requires just yet. We ended up not being together until merge, where we finally decided to just talk. We called, and realized you know what, lets just play the game together because no matter how awkward it felt, we did have a connection that could be valuable in the game. That's how I realized he connected with Jay and formed the jodi's lovers alliance. It is worth noting that he never thought I was cute back. It was very one way. That is why I feel awkward and was slightly hesitant whether he'd play with me or use it as a reason to get rid of me early. But I think we're good. Maybe we'll play a BvW ORG soon or the real thing. 

While i like elle and anastasia, i’m forming a new majority (i pray to GOD i am) with Jodi, Jared, Josh, Colin, and hopefully we have dennis and amy...i don’t know where this game is going, i genuinely like everyone in this game but ginny. And it’s not like i DISLIKE ginny, I just don’t know anything about her. I have a good relationship with most people here, i just hope i’m not shot in the crossfire tonight at tribal. 

Well my former tribemate Ginny is terrible at communication. I’ve heard from several other players that they have received very cold or short responses when attempting to reach out to Ginny so it makes them an easy first target. I’ve also found out that apparently Ginny, Elle & Anastasia are besties irl so that must be broken up immediately. 

Finally created the renegades alliance it’s going to be huge nobody would expect it whatsoever 

GINNY YOU CANT NOT TALK TO ME ALL MERGE THEN HIT ME UP AND MAKE A GROUP WHEN YOU HEAR YOUR NAME 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YHQhqd5cz-Y&list=PLrsCGcojtF16jvLW49C4855pUlLWI9pnn&index=13 hey guys who here like amy winehouse say I

AHHH MERGE HAPPENED okay so I have no idea where to even begin. I'm just gonna ramble as usual. ITS so weird going from talking to 3 other people to now having to talk to 11 its the first merge round and I already have 3 new alliances One with Jodi + josh + Jay One with just Jodi + jay and one majority one with Brayden + Anastasia + Amy + Jared + jodi after Amy won immunity, shit hit the fan. Jodi is doing the absolute MOST. for some reason she's still on her rampage against Ginny. I don't know what their beef even is. but sis is doing the absolute most to get her out the natural move this round is to vote out Babs. Their name came out immediately because they're inactive still and haven't added some people back yet even. it's crazy. However, I'm out with friends last night and meanwhile Jodi is arranging an entire blindside and counting me as a number for it. like GIRL WHAT. I love her and she's my #1 but I can't put my own game in jeopardy for her chaotic plans. It would honestly be actually very easy to vote out Ginny instead but the way she's going about it makes it more chaotic than it needs to be My main thing is I dont wanna burn bridges. I feel very close to Anastasia and Amy and I don't want to lie to them. Brayden and Jared and Elle are people I would love to work with, but I can't start that off with a blindside. I understand there's a lot of powers and advantages in the game, but it's first merge vote. so now that I'm able to talk to everyone and take initiative, I'm taking it in my hands and trying to get it to be unanimous on ginny. that way Jodi gets her way, she doesn't spiral, she knows I'm still on her side, and I don't have to draw a line in the sand so definitively. i have no idea how this is gonna play out but we'll see how it goes!!

Jay told me Anastasia told him Ginny was the only vote for her at her last FTC. Girl, you’re literally proving why we need to get rid of her. I love you but she’ll never vote for me or work with me and my alliance. Sorry :/ 

teehee almost two hours till tribal. hate all of these people. voting out ginny. brayden is sussing me out he claims to be throwing a vote on babs so we'll see who else is putting a vote on babs. anastasia makes an "alliance" but doesnt talk to me about the vote lol anyway im just gonna chill and lurk in the shadows for a bit and just find cracks. just need to ride out these next few eliminations. thinkin about the most effective way to play a chaos idol. lots of thoughts. feel bad that the vote is on ginny but shes tanking her own game :/ i dont think she would even come for me yet so the only benefit of her going is that it takes away at anastasia and co's number. by co im assuming its elle brayden amy and whoever else they roped in. dxfcgvhbjkl so sorry ginny but bye i guess. maybe she'll pull out an advantage or something cool i hope my first tribal is exciting and not boring. i wanna be blindsided but not bc there are votes against me. just wanna see someone random go home.

So! Tribal tonight, I think everybody is pretty much voting Ginny. I feel like having an idol makes me that much more paranoid 😅 because im like *squints eyes* what if it's secretly me and they're trying to blindside me??? But anyway if Ginny ends up being voted out I'm sorry ❤️, I did mean it when I said mount merapi was water under the bridge, but i had work and then was exhausted so i took a nap and literally everyone had pretty much made up their minds 😅 there was no room to really even try to change minds.

We are voting out Ginny :( I AM ACTUALLY SAD I DONT WANT GINNY TO GO WHY GINNY??? Literally it was so random. Babs was going to be the target and then randomly Jodi and Collin were saying how they wanted to keep Babs and get rid of Ginny. And I tried to save it by sending a giant paragraph saying how Ginny would be a good number but they had their mind set. I THINK JODI AND COLLIN ARE WORKING WITH BABS. Jodi is literally my #1 target right now lol I want that girl gone. GINNY DONT WORRY IM NOT VOTING FOR YOU I AM VOTING BABS. I WILL AVENGE YOU!!

https://youtu.be/HX05_se6T8Y

gonna save the shade for the vote confessional lmao

~~~

Edgic:

Power Rankings:

Jared: As a lot of people have put it, Jared is the “Denise” of the season. He is coming into the merge with a fresh start and a clean slate as the last remaining member of his tribe. He has aligned with Jay and Jodi who are definitely powerful numbers to have this early in the game. Additionally, he’s also hiding behind Jodi’s massive and ever-increasing target. People are not viewing Jared as a big, monstrous threat. However, he is managing the numbers behind the scenes and one of the only people who can keep Jodi’s head screwed on. His power over Jodi also gives him access to numbers that he would not have otherwise. Overall, Jared is calling the shots and getting things to go his way always.

Colin: Colin has played very impressively this round. He has managed to reign Jodi back in and has cleaned up most of her mess. Now, he nor Jodi will lose important numbers because of Jodi’s desire to make the first merge vote a blindside. By being clear, upfront, and communicative with his allies, he is gaining their trust despite not voting the way they want. Speaking of allies, Colin has built relationships with people that Jodi has not; namely, Anastasia, Elle, Amy, and Brayden are key numbers for Colin. This marks him as the head of the non-Jodi side, but he is also close with Jodi enough to find out information. He realizes just how important these numbers will be in the long run. Finally, Colin realizes that Jodi is a messy and chaotic player who will do more harm than good in the long run. This realization is sure to be the start of Jodi’s downfall which, if placed at the right time, will be very beneficial for his game.

Jay: Jay holds power because he is aligned with Jodi and Jared. Not many people give Jay a second look otherwise. He’s on the outs with everyone besides those two. Both Colin and Dennis do not vibe well with him causing him to be a target down the road if they need an easy one. However, Jay’s greatest strength has and is his ability to stay under the radar while aligning with power players. He is effectively using Jodi and Jared as shields for his own agenda. This might be a problem later down the road as he might be seen as their goat. So, he needs to step up and have more of a say on what goes on in that alliance instead of being reactionary to whatever Jodi and Jared do.

Jodi: There is SO much to say about Jodi’s game, but only some of it is good. Jodi has gone off the rails this round. Her obsession and paranoia with returnees and advantages have clouded her vision. She has tunnel vision when it comes to getting Ginnifer out. Due to this, she was ready to blindside and burn bridges with people that she should still try to play nice with early in the merge. Jodi seems to be of the belief that no matter what she does her allies will still trust her. This is seen when she openly talks about her closeness with others in front of people, making several unnecessary and clearly fake alliances, and lying to people despite having no reason to lie. She’s still at the #4 spot because, at this point, people trust her and she holds a lot of power because of it. However, her actions, which I foresee continuing, will only cause that power to reduce significantly as people start to see her for the chaotic mess she is.

Josh: Josh is a little bit out of the loop this round, especially when he told Anastasia and Brayden about the vote for Ginny when he was not supposed to. This caused some rifts in his relationship with Jodi. However, due to this, Josh is firmly in the middle of everything as no one sees him as a firm ally, but no one wants to target him either. He could even be the one to turn on Jodi eventually seeing as he is in all these alliances with her.

Amy: Amy was in a bit of trouble near the beginning of the tribal phase. Jodi does not trust her as much as Amy would like to believe. In fact, without Josh outing the plan, Amy would not have even known that the vote was actually for Ginny. She would just be one of the few Jodi blindsided without remorse. However, I do think that Jodi has learned to keep Amy close is better in the long run. Additionally, Amy has Anastasia, Brayden, and Colin on her side which helps keep her in the middle. She is not necessarily a swing vote as Jodi keeps a ton of information from her. However, the position she is in keeps her firmly in the middle of all the power distribution going on.

Babs: They are not active, but their previous likeability in the challenges in pre-merge has caused them to have powerful and vocal vouchers, such as Colin and Jodi, to keep them safe.

Dennis: The distrust of Dennis saga continues. Jodi believes that Dennis is paranoid and talks too much for his own good (sort of like what she is actually doing). The alliance of Jay, Jodi, and Jared believe that Dennis will flip on them if given the chance and is a game Player. The only reason he wasn’t targeted this round is because of Jodi’s vendetta against Ginny. However, I foresee him getting targeted by this group later down the road. The worst part is that he cannot get a direct read on this group. He believes that they are all wrapped around his finger. If he does not wake up soon or get strong relationships outside of those three, he will soon find himself blindsided with two idols in his pockets. And those two idols are the only thing keeping him away from the bottom 4.

Brayden: The top of the bottom 4. Brayden, for the longest time before Colin cleaned up Jodi’s mess, believed that Babs was the person getting voted out tonight. He had complete faith in Jodi which has since backfired because she rats about everything he says to her other alliances. His alliance with Amy and Anastasia is quickly being spotted by people, and he has made himself a target by association. This was not a good round for Brayden as it puts him in the bottom for the rounds to come. Additionally, his reads have been off causing him to be majorly out of the loop.

Anastasia: Anything Anastasia says regarding Ginny always seems to backfire. Anastasia could say “I think Ginny is lovely person” and Jodi will go “See! This is why we need Ginny out!” Anastasia’s relationship with Ginny in this game was quickly exposed, and it gave a lot of people a free target. Anastasia’s defense of Ginny has worsened her position on her tribe’s totem pole. She does not seem to have a lot of social power yet on her tribe either. She does have strong allies with Brayden and Amy, but she is going to have to find new ones soon. This is because that alliance is quickly being read by others meaning it just serves as an excuse to target Anastasia.

Elle: Elle is pretty inactive this round which has been to their detriment. This has led to people liking them, but not necessarily wanting to work with them. Additionally, the rumor of an IRL relationship with Ginny and Anastasia is still spreading and being believed even now. They have been pigeonholed into working with those two as it seems that there is no way others want to work with them because of said reason. Elle has a lot of leg work to regain power in this game.

Ginnifer: I do not know why Ginny is being targeted so vehemently. False rumor of her connection with Anastasia and Elle? Attempting to start a majority alliance without telling half the people before its creation? Her first mistake was trying to create an alliance so quickly after the merge started. This information spread like wildfire throughout the tribe which gave her opposition (mainly Jodi) fuel to target her over someone inactive like Babs. If Ginny had sat back and just small talked their way through this round, Babs would be the person going while she is on the jury. It does not look good at the moment for Ginny’s game. The problem being that her detractors are very vocal in their opposition, especially the alliance of Jodi, Jared, and Jay who were willing to burn a lot of bridges just to get Ginny out.

~

All the alliances in this single round (y’all really said “What if Raffy was Pressed and Stressed”):

Fools Gold is Really Phantoms - Amy, Anastasia, Ginny

2 Gays and a Jodi - Josh, Colin, Jodi

Lasagna - Colin, Anastasia, Elle, Jay

Final 3 - Brayden, Anastasia, Amy

Kitty Cats - Dennis, Jared, Jay

The Active Ones - Brayden, Jodi, Amy

Krusty Krab - Colin, Josh, Jodi, Jay

Renegades - Ginny, Jodi, Dennis, Josh, Elle, Brayden, Anastasia, Amy

Vampires - Dennis, Jodi, Amy

Cody and Sarah's Besties - Jodi, Amy, Jay

Jodi's Lovers - Jodi, Jared, Jay

How I Met Your Mother (HIMYM) - Colin, Anastasia, Amy, Brayden, Jared, Jodi

21 Gang - Jay, Jodi, Colin

Yeet Ginny - Jodi, Dennis, Jay, Jared

[aitian]

5:43 am 12/29/2020

end of year.

feels right to revisit how i looked this yr on photobooth. most ppl only knew me through my webcam. i dont have many thoughts abt who i am or what im doing these days. mostly playing video games with alice. we smoked together a few days ago & i still feel like im in deadtime. like maybe i cant remember the important things im supposed to from the past. & rly existential lately. the panic is just in my throat, thinking abt how fast time is going & how there is no way back. i think there is a carceral logic behind the entrapment that all us depressed & anxious kids feel.. like the inadequacy of being alive, the failure to feel like a beautiful future is unfolding. im not sure anyone feels that way these days, & maybe thats why they r all holding on so desperately. all empires fall. im so grateful to be able to feel moms body & be her child these days. i just wanna lay my head on someones chest & feel good, warm, soft, coarse fabrics. also feeling anxious abt my classes, turning in the same essay that isnt rly an essay to all of my profs. oops. it was rly the best i could manage. vestigial body... i will finish writing smth i feel proud abt one day, & it will be written to myself. like this. 

idk when the last time i wrote was, but maybe i wanna talk abt my relationships. feels like i got a hard reset on my brain by smoking with alice. oh god. anyway i havent been talking to sherry & adele recently bc i just dont feel right around them. in november remembering again what it felt like to feel so unwelcome all the time, feel that energy & those manners replicated by them toward me.. ik i should just talk to people frankly abt the things im uncomfortable with at home now that i have so much practice doing it but i just dont want to. somehow it feels like they should all just know, that they are living alongside me all this time in various ways even if i am not saying things to them, & our actions that connect us in relationship are felt by them too. & there is some part of refusal to see the relationship for what it is. im not begging for some trans pity or for commitment.. those kinds of relationship arent real. what is real is wanting to spend time with me, wanting to experience some sort of exchange between bodies, wanting to walk toward near horizons. feels like everyone who listens & agrees when i speak just does it to be amicable. there are only so many ways i can reassure myself that ppl understand me for who i am, even when they are constantly being led astray to hurt me. like alice saying its good for doctors to have objective views of their patients, outside of any other relationship. mom saying that she trusted our teachers to teach us what we needed. getting weirdly gendered messages from friends at home, & never asked in good faith about how i feel. its rly so shitty that even questions like how was the day or what ru thinking rn or whats on the horizon r things they want me to ask, then dont want to answer, & make fun of bc they feel awkward saying anything. so stupid. its this kind of shit that holds me back from letting my desires be known, these rituals of repression & shame. & i always wanna hear ppls desires & then immediately regret asking to know that our relationship is in direct conflict with their utopias. so stupid.

today after dinner, which was in the late evening, mom & alice & i did some short yoga stuff & then we did silly lion dancing. im still sore. i stretched out everything that felt sort afterward. anyway, felt good to be goofy & sweat & breathe hard. 

what im feeling abt this year: - vestigial body x1000 --> dark room, heart beating fast, waiting & squeezing. theres that episode of midnight gospel when the dying dog/reindeer lady talks abt giving birth & dying, like squeezing & tensing & on no this moment will never end & then releasing & coming to rest & then all over again. & that is what i think abt every time i feel in panic now, or in a deep place of fear. there r some pains that cant be escaped, & they dont need to be. they r felt all the same.  - i made a new friend through q&a who is a kid im supposed to b mentoring. it just means that all relationships are reciprocal (i dont like that word either, but they r never simply one way or transactional) & we met every thursday during the school yr. i prepared short stories for us to read & writing prompts, & we wrote abt stuff.  - i just cant remember. all i remember abt this summer was going to stone valley with mom, feeling the sunlight & my tiredness (in an enveloping selse, toward my body & my spirit), playing games w sherry, playing some piano, & working on that fire emblem romhack. feels like the year went by so quickly. like i just had my birthday a few days ago, & now the new year means it is coming again soon. sometimes whole lives are vestigial. what is gruesome & magnificent abt that is that those vestigial bodies are hard to kill without clear intentions & collective effort. what sucks is the entrapment. i have been feeling this cant remember feeling in a bigger way, toward what my life was like before college, toward who i was in college now that i am so removed, & even more toward the kid whose world blossomed into smth they desperately desired & felt afraid of. middle school me would be horrified. maybe an even younger me would be proud, feel in awe or struck by the rightness of home. - i want to remember mom. the way she walks around with her hands in her pockets. 帅吗。:). how we skip/gallop sideways to avoid the wind on our walks, & she bounces when she walks like a silly kid. i love her. unruly gender, stubbornness of feelings, failure failure failure is why we r hurt but also why we r rly still allowed to be here. thinking abt moms essay, moving away from her grandma, thinking she would live together again someday. thinking abt how im home this yr, in a way i thought maybe i would never be ever again. its so cruel to leave love behind for the sake of a ritualized life i could never participate in. i wont do it. i just wont.

some feelings abt the coming year - i want to meet someone like myself & fall in love. deeply, with myself, in relationship. i wanna have sex too, & feel held in my being alive. i wanna be allowed to enjoy my body in even more regards like wearing short sleeves & feeling the sun on my arms free from dysphoria, existing in public not noticeably & feeling the evaporation of racial tension, waking up with that feeling of possibility, like i want to be alive & eat food & go outside & do those things in my body that remind me that i am a part of how the rest of this world is growing. i wanna be held in that knowing, together, of wellness & movement toward everything that means we matter to each other.  - playing video games has been so important to this vestige & i dont want it to remain that way. i wanna collect stuff & grow stuff in real life, & grow myself & my relationships too. its not living when its the mourning of the freedom i should have always had & should have every moment i am continuing to life unfreely. - i wanna do some stuff to express gratitude to the ppl i have continued some sort of relationship with. feel bad abt how no one has emailed me back in more than a month now. maybe wanna do a q&a chapbook or yearbook. complex feelings bc i am so not in relationship with the ppl i wanna care abt. it sucks. part of that is letting go of guilt too, & being real with myself abt how much responsibility is on the other body to make me feel okay in our relationships. its rly not my fault that, u kno.. everyone is used to making someone like me feel like shit. sad that my most continuous relationships this yr r with professors. those dumb feelings of obligation r killer. i guess im grateful to be legible in some ways, while feeling the intensely awkward unwillingness to be real abt our positions relative to each other. i think lots more happening in this regard in the coming months w classes, blk atlantic ecologies, maybe smth w prof lee. & sometimes thinking abt what grad school would mean. - i wanna feel slow, i wanna feel like myself, i wanna feel free. some feelings r sitting in the garden on my own in the spring, planting some stuff. thinking abt what it might grow into, coming back again & again. the sun ducks behind clouds & comes back out, & the world feels so light & passing by. & time feels forever, like i have so much patience to dream & breathe & observe. this is one of my early memories, watching shadows on the concrete/sidewalks at preschool, feeling warmer then colder then warmer again. i also wanna feel the kind of collectivity that makes me know we all insist on home. i want it to branch beyond this home that i know. & also mean that i will not throw this away. im thinking abt how to exist intimately with more than one person at once. it is smth i will learn as it comes into my life.