#which ik isnt that long
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As a fellow Dovewing lover, it's frustrating how the fandom watered her down into a whiny brat who never cared about Ivypool. I mean, seriously? Not only did Dovewing care about her sister (reacting in horror when Lionblaze, her own mentor and Jayfeather are willing to potentially sacrifice Ivypool's safety by employing her as her spy instead of trying to get her out of the Dark Forest's clutches, hiding a thorn in her nest to cover for her scarring from her training).
Heck, even the scene where she tries to feed Ivypool her catch during a hunting patrol was demonized because 'she was trying to make Ivypool break the code like SHE does, as if it doesn't matter' and because she got upset when Ivypool started arguing with her! But you guys said she didn't care, right? Plus, people act like being forced into a prophecy is something you should be grateful for, as if it didn't irreparably change her close relationship with her sister? As if Lionblaze and Jayfeather didn't still keep her out of the loop (and for all the fussing they made about keeping it a secret, Lionblaze confesses his power to Cinderheart and Jayfeather doesn't even care).
Meanwhile Nightheart is angry he isn't orange and hates his mom for being exiled and the whole world has to stop for him. 🤪 And Bramblestar is simply so tortured by having an evil father, the only choice is to train with him and his evil half-brother and hide this from his wife! (But remember, it's bad when that witch Squirrelflight hides the parentage of the three from him, even when Blackstar and Leopardstar were still around after being complicit in the torture and killing of halfclan cats.) Why are these male characters sympathized with, even when they actively harm people (Nightheart forcing himself into Sunbeam's life by lying to everyone about being her mate without even asking her if she would be fine with that beforehand), Bramblestar (we all know what he does), but when Dovewing or any other female character is upset, people freak out and call them whiny brats or abusive for (checks notes) asking her partner if he loves her anymore after they argued multiple times in a book. Really makes you think! (Sorry this is so long, you just have based opinions!)
dovewing being characterized as this flighty airheaded vain popular girl stereotype in fanon is like. one of those biggest "we didnt actually read the books" things in the fandom. like theres so much fanart where shes grinning and giggling over the prophecy and shes besties with the trio and shes got preferential treatment, and then in the actual books shes basically the autistic kid no one actually likes. people really, REALLY overexaggerate that one scene where she snaps at ivypaw and brags. (and i dont wanna shit on amvs but i am forever side eying how the animation community handled dove back in the day. more than one person animated her getting murdered. normal.)
i do think its gotten better recently at least. but wow does it feel like at least one person on the writing team has a bone to pick
(also awww thank you <3 no need to be sorry i love getting stuff in my inbox)
#it does also feel so insidious to me just how long the bramblesquirrel conflict was painted as ''equally kind of wrong''#the ppl who put words in squilfs mouth sometimes which. btw ill get to that when i read the book#and tbf part of it is that sometimes abuse isnt as easy to spot if youre primed to the mainstream version of it#like. bramble isnt a born evil wifebeater everyone can see coming from a mile away. hes a complex guy with his own insecurities#and his own goals and people he openly cares about. and even in some fanon stuff i see ppl kinda erase that part of him#(which i wont pretend im above- ive been trying to walk that line myself)#and that doesnt match how abusers are usually percieved by the public. or in this very series.#like. the main excuse for clear sky is literally ''hes sad his sister died and tried to save her! no one changes THAT much''#anyone can be an abuser. you could be an abuser. i could be an abuser. that doesnt mean that we ARE but we are capable of it#and the thing that catches ppl off guard is that abusers are really good at hiding who they are and theyre often charming#i often hear this account of abuse that goes something like ''my parent abused me but no one believed me bc theyre nice in public''#you dont know whats going on behind closed doors. and ik this is about funny kitties at the end of the day but its quite telling#so... yeah bramble has his nice moments. hes got his GREAT moments even. i love his relationship with his mom for example#but those moments dont mean that hes not capable of being worse. of being a monster to his loved ones#its why squilf keeps getting sucked back in. hes not a one dimensional asshole. hes capable of being kind to her.#and thats what makes his disgusting moments hit so much harder#wow ok i got off topic in the tags but yknow. idk i got feelings abt this matter as someone who's experienced toxic relationships
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fuck spring tornado season!!!!
#i am speaking#this is very silly and will be deleted later but i needed smth vaguely dumb to focus on until i hear back from my friend 😭#if i had a nickel for everytime a tornado touched down and prevented a crucial conversation w a long distance friend id have TWO nickels#which isnt a lot but isnt it just fucked up or what#anyways they're probably (hopefully) okay. ik most of the town they're in doesn't have power rn so thats prolly why i havent heard from them#i just worry easily 🐜👎
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just found out the lead singer of taiwans biggest death metal band is also an active parliament member since like 2015.... and is still active as a death metal singer. he's a pretty standard taiwanese center left anti communist from what i could gather. which like as a leftist i dont really agree with but i also dont know enough abt taiwanese politics to like make a full judgement. though he seems to be a standard liberal nothing remarkable, radical, or new, not overtly horrible but just bland. but that was something i definitely did Not expect. apparently he's very pro indigenous rights and self determination for indigenous people but being in a centre left mega party like the DPP does not seem like the best way to achieve that. But yea, just thought I'd share
#chthinic collabed heavily with collage last year and ik natsuki (lead singer of collage) is very pro indigenous rights and posts abt it a#lot of instagram and i really appreciate the amount of political stuff on her platform. its all very progressive tho v much limited to tw#so idk. i kind of got the cibe of some groups that see taiwanese indigenous issues as seperate to the larger issue of colonialism and#indigenous rights all over the world to conflicts such as palestine. where some other groups have a lot more of the collective consciousnes#and idk. my view is limited and i didnt see that much but when i go back i def wanna look for more political groups in tw and learn about#the political landscape there for leftism. theres a lot of potential in tw imo#chthonic* natsuko**#edit: overall i think that like.. i get the spirit but i feel like for many taiwanese the identity of tw has been everyone united agaisnt#china which i can understand from the perspective of the indigenous ppl that had their land colonized by the japanese then had to share with#the fleeing kmt settlers. but like i dont think that its the best approach to say only china bad rather than big governments threatening to#take your land by force is bad. because idk my take on china and tw is that regardless of the historical claim or wtv. taiwans indigenous#people have been there long before the han ever stepped foot. and china isnt all good as seen in its treatment of the uyghers and tibetans#but is overall not nearly as bad as the west paints it to be. china is neither fully a communist paradise. and has many capitalist undertone#s influence the government ever since deng xiaoping came to power. personally i never fully agreed with mao. i think mao was a necessary#figure in the beginning and let power go to his head and i believe zhou enlai always shouldve been the founder of the PRC#fuck the kmt.. never liked the kmt and it seems as they are also slowly losing favor in tw also. and like... hmm#i need to do more reading tho. none of this is like 100% set in stone how i feel bc theres a lot i dont know
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ik realistically i never got a lot of love for jensen and bryce bc oh my god a queer pairing of color?????? fucking tragic i know but also i like to pretend its just bc they are too complex for the mere cishet choices player to understand 😌
#no bc fr otherwise ill just be sad :')#on one hand i love laying everything on the line from day one#my first fic was a demiro bryce fic which scared off all the bryce romancers bc god forbid i go against the general consensus hc#and like sure i dont want them there if they cant appreciate or try to understand other hcs#but on the other hand like how fucking disappointing is that???#like its just so fucking tragic#this fandom is such a non queer friendly place#and not usually in the literal bright red im queerphobic way#but in the small ways that are so obvious#to queer people but maybe not the rest#and idk i just.. miss a lot of the people that were here when i started ig??#like ik im the one who bothered to stay this long but also like i just want people to enjoy media/hc bc theyre good???#like not bc they fit a trope you like??#idk im just wishing for something that isnt a thing here#and i Know it#but still#to have friends who love the characters i do would be so nice#just to gush about them yk#but the second i came here with a different hc it immediately set me too far apart from everyone else#and on one hand i Am annoyed#but on the other i just ignore it bc if i paid attention to it i might rip somebody's arm off#n e ways that was a nice mj ramble for you all youll never get it again
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#ik that i need to be honest with my doctor and tell him i havent been taking my meds…#but what if i lie instead and somehow fic it myself#its just what if like i tell him how long i havent been taking them and he decides that i dont deserve them??#which isnt likely and would b a very shitty thing to do that i think legally he might not b able to do but#what if???#i might lie a little and tell him but say its been a shorter amount of time than it actually has been#dude idk but im starting to feel like possibly i might have an episode soon like it feels like one might b coming on and im scared tbh#like idk at this point theres not much i can really do except make aure im getting sleep and continuing to go to my lifting classes#but ya idk#i need to figure out how to get back on track with my meds but im scared to talk to him abt it bc i Just started seeing him#i also start therapy with a new therapist tomorrow and thats scary#but maybe i could talk to het abt it idk
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like the wu ming reveal was all very nice but since this all happened nearly a thousand years before the events of books 1, 3, and 5 its like...okay? everything about their relationship in the flashback I either found creepy or didn't care about 😭 ik some fans like the idea of a character so loyal he's willing to destroy a whole country on the word of his god slash crush but umm I do not! also hc disguising himself as the child who was hanging out with xl was so weird why did he do that. age gap creepiness aside it was just stupid and eliminated a chatacter I was really excited about. and it pissed me off when he kicked qyz off the sedan chair like let him sit!!! his single-minded focus on xl got so so old and his insistence on inserting himself everywhere was intrusive and annoying! to me. got real tired of his 'fuck everyone else I got dianxia' mindset. immature. annoying. and unfair
#lwj is reserved and cool to strangers but hes not actively malicious or sadistic#he cares about his family and home and students and music#he does ignore ppl more than I'd like but hes not actively dismissive like hc often is#a small moment from the book I liked was when he first encountered 'mxy' he nodded respectfully in acknowledgement#obvi this doesnt mean mdzs or the writing for him isnt homophobic. it is. it has its own issues. Ive never even reread mdzs#but I think tgcf is just a less serious and more shallow and wishy-washy romance at its core#AND lwj is literally less petty and vengeful thab hc is even tho what jc allegedly did was way worse than what fxmq did#and lwj has literally a reputation for being petty so it doesn't seem fair that hc doesn't#actually tho I think much of that came from drama viewers who saw a gay man being kind of a dick to the guy who 1. was a dick to him first#and 2. suicide baited his loved one so I maintain thats reasonable#hes not unfair or short w anyone else#wait I lost my sentence structure. drama viewers labelled him as petty for being reasonably dickish to the dude he hates for good reason#which IS homophobic. but the comparative scale of mqfx's offenses + the fact that it happened so long ago and xl has long since recovered#makes hc look way more petty and unreasonable. but its not reflected in fan treatment or desc of him. tbf he gets over it by the end tho#ik cunty is a fun word but its not the only accurate one#tgcf txp#mdzs txp
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think i kind of hate m/cr now actually.
#once again this has nothing to do with my beloved mutuals who can do no wrong i love you xoxoxoxo#idk something in me has really soured over the last several months when it comes to them#its not really about the music at all or much of the band (tho some of that)#some of it i think might just be kind of a reminder of a lot of thibgs i dont want to think abt which isnt anyones fault#but MOSTLY. mostly its been fans and shit. obvs theres gonna be select weirdos in every bandom but like. got you fuckers are SO INSUFFERABLE#and theres SO MANY OF YOU good god learn how to shut the fuck UP#the way that they treat band members/other fans of both The Band and other musicians…. egregious#still not over that patrick nonsense that happened over the summer. god#its really just. every time i see smthg abt them or hear them i kind of feel weird in my gut and/or a visceral rage and im just. over it lol#ik its not really important or whatever like oh u dont like a band anymore. whatever. but like. idk im nust fustrated#esp bc they were one of my favorites for a really long time and some of their stuff was/is rlly importsnt to me. but it kinda feels like#someone poured a vat of acid into everything snd fucked everything up#.txt
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i have no energy to make this pretty, this has just sapped all the drive from me
mother in law from hell went into our room while we were housesitting for my family today, rummaged through all our shit and left a huge mess. shes stolen things from me in the past so im sure things will be missing when we go to clean it later today but who knows what the damagell be
fuck am*zon but they have the cheapest fastest lock we can get, i cant take her boundary stomping anymore, shes been causing problems for us every day that weve been gone but im afraid of how much shell escalate if she has free access to our stuff
pypl is corctt, if someone wants to be an angel and just get it for us i put the link in the replies, we just dont have 11 after bills and groceries and i want to be able to feel safe
#shes sick w cvd too which is why were staying here instead of just stopping in to get the mail and im#so fucking tired. i have to disinfect everything she touched now and she left everything a wreck#i just want a day away from her nonsense and she just wont let us have it its always something#screenshot from my partners phone for ref i dont let her have my number 🙃#im sorry to ebeg ik theres so many ppl w more important stuff to give to im just. so done and next payday isnt for a week and a half and i#cant rest easy knowing she has that long to keep stealing/breaking/touching all my shit#my therapistll have a field day tomorrow w this haha
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not to be mentally eels in the ship blog but holy SHIT do i hate when The Itch starts up. an im having to grab my brain like uh-uh-uh we don't do that anymore, nooo we don't do that do you hear me you lil shit we've Discussed This-
#jackals barks#i dont like Track how long its been bc unfortunately i get Easily Fixated on numbers but i feel like its been....~8months? maybe more?#since my last relapse? which ik doesn't sound like a long time but for me is Definitely OH FUCK levels of good#an its like. like i Know ive talked to the Brain Wizards an they've made it clear that no matter how long im clean from sh theres always#gonna be just a liiiittle lingering instinct. a little lingering Itch that refuses to go away#but every time it comes back I have this moment of ??? WHO THE FUCK LET YOU BACK IN-#anyways im not Gonna (hopefully) (even if i do healing isnt linear etc) this is more A Ramble To Get The Urge Out#riding the wave and all that Good For Your Brain Shit
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am i allowed to be upset
#this happened a few days ago but#my editor sent me the final edit of our short film and he said it's the final cut and he won't be editing anymore#n that this shit isn't even paid or graded#the final cut was still so bad and ugly i really hate it#but i felt so disrespected when he said this isn't even paid or graded n that will only be a part of our portfolios#this isnt graded or paid coz this is literally a campus-wide film fest#idk i just can't stop thinking abt it#n how i allowed him to disrespect me like that#like i know as the director i should've stood up for myself but instead i just said thanks for ur hard work im sorry for all the hassle#im just really upset coz i know it could still be better . like WAY better#if i weren't so scared to tell him the truth#idk#i still need to cut like 5 mins off coz we're way over the time limit hahahaha but he doesn't wanna do it#im so sad im so upset n i judt cant stop thinking abt it or am i overreacting or overthinking or whateve#sorry ik this is long i just had to share coz i'm too scared to open this up to my team or my friends#OH I FORGOT TO MENTION A FEW THINGS#we had 6 drafts before submitting the final one#i have like an ENTIRE file of revisions n he didnt do them all!!!! which is why he made 6 drafts :/
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#genuinely having a rly hard time rn#w the reality that bc i injured myself badly this week and had to go to the hospital#i had to miss ans reachedule my next gender affieming appt#which was the first top surgery consult of many (original one to send in application)#and they cant fit me in for another FOUR MONTHS#which means my transition will be 4 months behind#on top of the YEARS its gonna take me to get the surgery#like#i just#havent stopped crying for days#after yeara of fighting the system to even get these appts and my hrt etc#only to have a dumb injury put me even further behind#im just like. devastated.#truly so so upset#(yes ik 4 months isnt that long. but u have to understand that i nearly killed myself last year bc of being denied care)#(and now those feelings r right back and bigger than ever.)#(im just. i rly wanna fuckin die like 10 times a day rn. i rly do.)#suicide tw#suicidal ideation tw#ducky's gender misadventure#*pls ignore typos my phone is broken bc i dropped it when i fell and hurt my back
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hai what if the reason cesars house in volume 4 was an active police crime scene was because they found his body after all those years. teehee
NO YOU CANT FUCKING SAY THAT TO ME YOU CAN'T DO THAT I'LL BLOWS YOU UP BLOWS YOU UP BLOWS YOU UP FOREVER AND EVER DON'T DO THIS TO ME
#posts in a drainage system#this implies that the case still hadn't gone cold even almost 15 years after it happened NO ONE FUCKING TALK TO ME#^ ik that isnt actually that long of a time period but in this universe where ''''unexplained'''' murders happen almost daily it's. AGAGAGA#his body wasn't found for 15 fucking years they looked for 15 years and didnt find it which#either a) they did a shit job (intentionally or unintentionally) of looking because they really didn't care about the case all that much#and yet it didn't go cold...#or b) whatever killed him hid the body so well that it was only uncovered after 15 years#because someone went back to check. because *something wanted it to be found.*#OHHHHHHHH ANONYMOUS I AM SO ILL FOREVER OVER THIS ASK AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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huh...wuh..accidentally hit daigo with the bpd beam (unintended projection is scary) in sumn im writing but now im thinking daigo could totally have it chairman daigo is better at managing it but 2006 daigo is already doing bad whats another thing on the pile hes got the risky behaviour he's got the impulsiveness maybe the unstable relationships (im reaching i think)..maybe im just smarter than everyone and right and awesome wow..
(i rambled sorry) (my bad) (headcanons are so fun for me sorry)
you come into my house and proclaim yourself smarter than me when it comes to daigo dojima i will make your execution quick and painless
unfortunately you're right in this one instance cause i dont know a licka anything about BPD so i'll SIMPLY have to take your word on it. whats another trouble for the boy yk
#snap chats#'but snap i thought you were a psychologist' so did i but im only now realizing i know absolutely nothing about BPD#i mean as the name suggests 'bipolar disorder' it's about heavy and frequent mood swings but thats all i could tell you about it#which i cant say isnt all that far fro Y2 -> early Y3 daigo but its hard for me to say its because of BPD#the psychology of daigo dojima is one of my favorite things to think about he's such A Guy but A Troubled Guy#like to me daigo's behavior can be more attributed to depression#his Y2 behavior anyway- which makes sense as to why he calms down more by Y3#he's at peace with what happened to his father and kiryu- it's not a smooth transition#of course he lashes out in that RGGO but his behavior gets corrected p quick#idk i wont go on this tangent too long you did say this was a projection kinda beat and yk what#who am i to wanna dunk on someone trying to see themselves in another chara id be a hypocrite if i did#if anythin this ask's just reminded me i should probably look more into BPD at some point since i hear bout it so much#from my vague understanding of BPD tho ik my bitch ass kept sayin masato had it#mostly cause there's a lung disease ALSO abbreviated BPD and yk. 'oh which bpd' Yeah. It's Both.#but no one wanna relate to masato he's crusty im so sorry anon these tags are getting worse and worse#i hope your writing goes well i'm sure you're doing a killer job
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i know dreams aren’t real, but how am i supposed to come back from the way people are in them?
#tw suicide#<-ahead in the tags#okay so last night i dreamt that this boy (who i’m pretty sure likes me) killed himself (vv gruesomely)#anyways i felt like it was my fault for not liking him back#and then there was a scene where he kinda reanimated but w all the injuries still#which freaked the shit outta me#but anyways apparently my student teacher also thought it was my fault#he kept glaring at me but also kinda smirking in a weird sort of way from the corner#anyways he gave me a glass of lemonade and after i drank it all told me it was poisoned#(with a tylenol overdose perhaps???)#so anyways i kinda needed to go to the hospital to live so i went to class to see if anyone would help#bc i could drive myself to the hospital#and i think maybe this one person (who couldn’t drive) kept defending me and finally got an adult to take me to the hospital#and i got better p quick and then just went back to doing everything normally except ignoring everyone#so long story short ik my student teacher isnt out to get me BUT#you have to understand that my dreams always feel so much like reality in the moment right?#like i remember thinking: how is this going to work to go to barbershop rehearsals and just pretend like he didn’t try to kill me??#and stuff like that#and no matter how ‘unrealistic’ it is#it always surprises me when i wake up from these kinds of dreams bc they can kinda integrate into my reality#if that makes sense
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today is simply full of food disappointments
#p#had migraine last night so postdrome said no lol ur still nauseous when i tried to eat a slice of bread for breakfast.#only managed a few shapes around lunchtime. went to coles on the way home to try to get some new foods for the next couple days to try#cant eat normal pasta which my dad n brother were cooking. hungry now so i tried one of the rice meals and it sucked so bad#could only manage a few mouthfuls before i gave up on it. we had picked up an edamame fettuccine to try so cooked that. it sucked#so in future ig just sticking to the pulse penne that ik isnt horrible. also got some ice cream! havent had just plain vanilla in so long#were no specials on the good brands (am usually a bulla fan) so just got streets. its SO soft and melty T_T
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oh god its so weird that next year in april my gf and i will have been together for 5 years and ik that doesnt seem like a lot but like think about it. a decade is 10 years right. my and my gf being together for 5 years is equal to Half A Fucking Decade and when you think about it like HTAT its like owhoaoshhow????!?!???? huh?!??!!??!!?!??? hwhhat??!!??!!!?????!?!?!?!
#like oh my god its just baffling to think about#AND LIKE I MEAN THAT IN THE MOST !!!!! POSITIVE WAY POSSIBLE#like i!!!!!1 im really happy we've been together for that long#I EMAN currently rn we've been together forrrrrr. 4 years and 4 months! so idk its just . its nice 2 think about :]#and ik i said it before but its so weird to think about how like ..... when we were in the Earlier Stages of our relationship we were like#oh yeah im gonan make a GOFUNDME at 13 YEARS OLD to RRAISE MONEY and then im gonna FLY OUT AND SEE YOU !!!#without even thinking about like . anything else besides heehoo i get to see gf :] :] :]#PLUS LIKE at the time if i remember correctly she was living in a . VERY very small house. VERY small#so like if i came n stayed there it woulda been so cramped ??? and like idk if i woulda gotten along very well with the ppl she lived with#BC thats also another thing we didnt think about we were so focused on just Meeting that we werent like#hey . maybe a 13 year old shouldnt fly on her own to see her gf. and hey maybe the family members shouldnt be there#SJDJKSKLKLG#BUT LKE i get it we jus rly wanted to see each othr and we were young and Supit so we didnt think about any of that othr stuff#but as i was saying its so weird to think about all of that and then think about where we are now and#1. we were already making plans for me to come visit during this summer but unfortunately things kinda got in the way so that#didnt end up HAPPENING but its amazing hthat we managed to like plan it out n everything#and 2. we're still gonna like move in together . liek. fairly soon hopefully#IDK HOW SOON and i feel bad bringing that up every time bc ik she isnt in a big hurry to leave n she's got her own stuff in the way#neithr of us have Jobs Yet and she started school on monday which just . hoohg#BUT. but but but. jus the fact that we went from the fuckin gofundme shit to actually palnning it out fr#ACTUALLY planning on getting jobs and getting Money and planning for me to come move across the country to see her its like!!!!!#woah!!!!!!! thats wild!!!!!! and idk when itll Happen because like i said neithr of us have jobs yet or like drivers liscenesses or anythin#she hasnt moved outta the house yet and both of us are still in school shes got a few mor years Left of school befor she's done#and i only have 2 yeaars left (unless they end up holding me back bc i failed 9th + 10th)#but like once we're outta school its just . Its Go Time Baybee !!!!!!!#n i mean it sucks we'll hav to wait a few more years but honestly shes prolly rigtht n its proly for tha best . bc like#originally i was jus gonna come visit her this summer but its like . my mom would HAVE to com with me and idk how she'll be#in a whole new State that she's never been in before with ppl she's never Met and i think she'd just be in a shit mood the whole time#n my gf was worried abt her mom also bein the same way so its like . prolly better for now to jus wait til she's moved out n THEN i can com#see her n stuff . so itll b a while but the wait is worth it and for the Better i think. :]
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