#which is it i still havent checked
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let it be known that even if i do ship two characters i will always have such an appreciation for the cc’s friendships. like joel and jimmy or grian and mumbo or whatever, they all care about each other so much and it’s just 🩷💓💞💘💖💕💓 jhsvjd
#.txt#i was gonna say grian and taurtis too but they havent made a video together in years#tbf taurtis barely uploads#but i mean hey he is still in grians featured channels#which has been updated since the last time i checked to include jimmy and joel lol#last time [like during season 8 i think] it was just boatem + ren#idk anyways i like when people care about each other i like friendship its happy and nice and cool :]#in a non-parasocial way. to clarify that#idk how to explain it hopefully u Get Me
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catboy 176 is an excuse to do a very mid study of a very good picture of chan from the green ate photobook ^-^
#chan isnt catboy-y i think. personally. this truly was just an excuse to draw that picture. its a very good picture.#hello hi ive been a stay for . checks watch. 6 years. and i still cant draw a picture of any of the members that looks like said member ^-^#part of that is the baby fat gone so now i have to change what little likeness i grinded so hard to capture in those first two years#that i simply havent put the time in to. practice and rework.#otherwise they look too young. another part is. lack of skill. which makes them look bad. whihc makes me not want to practice. which makes#i feel weird about tagging this skz so i. wont ^-^#daily art#digital art#catboy art
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hello there! it's me, Tortilla, known mostly as Mod by the people who have been following this blog for a While!
if you've ever scrolled for a bit here, you've probably Seen that I've tried a few times to get back into posting more often and failed comically as i grappled with the dreaded Mental Eel Nesses and Executive Dysfunction, among other things. especially since ask blogs aren't as popular as they were back in the day when i made this blog (2015! turned 9 years last aug 15th! that's an entire child. jin owes me a lot of child support,)
(before anyone gets scared, no I'm not deleting anything lol gimme a sec to word this thought)
okay so like. cutting straight to the point not gonna get sentimental right now I'll save that for later: i want to keep this blog active REALLY bad, but as much as I'd like to, for multiple reasons i cannot draw as much as i did back in the day, which is like... the main thing i usually post here. so I've been pondering for the past year or so What to Do about it
my one idea is to turn this into a general kgpr blog and reblog other people's art and official stuff and the alike here, instead of keeping it Just My Stuff
but the thing is, if i DO that i would want to change my url, because reblogging art to a place that's named "badly drawn--" whatever is. i Don't Want That y'know? it's disrespectful lol
the thing is that that's soooo many links that would Break. among other things. (+ i have nooo clue what id change the name to but that's a different issue)
so like, my question here is,
#...ngl i could swear i had more to say in this post but i forgot so uh. jazz hands#mod post#ive been going back and forth on this for a While lol..drafting posts and deleting them and rewording#life's been rough but kp's been there for me always and recently ive been back in the pit again#(managed to drag some of my friends in! they're having fun)#and ive been doing a doodle or two here and there but they're not in the badly drawn™ style#and after nearly a decade i STILL dont know if im allowed to post my normal style art here#(yes i know it's my blog i can do whatever. my brain works in mysterious ways. not even my therapist knows how it works)#if i do repurpose this id definitely go back and make the organization system better too lol which may take a bit#since there's like. over 2k posts or smth here? last i checked anyway#maybe more#might be over 3k but id rather lowball it#anyways im rambling uhhhhh#feel free to give more options/ideas if what i said doesnt feel Quite like the solution ig?#i just know ive been getting new followers still even when i havent been posting and it makes me feel bad like OH NO.... I HAVENT POSTED....
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still can't get over the stupid goddamn anthpo video. genuinely fucking disgusted thinking ab it
#crunchyposts#yt#bro that was full bullying right. that was bullying. this was absolutely in bad faith right im not crazy#thank god the party clips were edited out but jesus christ they shouldnt have been there in the first place#more than 200k people saw that. including me. and god i wish i didnt#gonna watch the kurtis conner vid on furries to cleanse myself bc he is ACTUALLY going into the topic from not a bad faith pov#im not crazy ab everything kurtis does i think hes walking a thin line sometimes between bullying and no bullying#but god its nowhere near as bad as what anthpo did#edit i did actually watch the kurtis vid its really good still !!!!#a lot of the jokes arent punching down on furries which made me realize. how much of anthpo's vid was that#the comment section is very respectful and like not even on a furry note the pacing is way slower which i prefer#the anthpo vid is a bit too. high energy for me i need to chill for a second between jokes and all that#edit like 2-3 days after i posted this im getting notes on it and i just wanna say like#even before the party thing this vid rubbed me the wrong way and i knew it was because i saw a more empathetic video about furries#genuienlyy from a place of trying to understand the community not just making fun of them and it was kurtis' video#check it out if you havent its like if that one part of his video thats like a minute of defending furries was. longer and good
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chat i feel physically sick im gonna throw up i keep thinking about school aaawgsjhdjrjdje!!!!!@!!!!!
idk about other schools but in england at least usually youll have a year group thats split into two halves [most schools have x band and y band, so if you were in year 7 for example thered be 7ax, 7bx, 7cx and 7dx, and then 7ay and so on. mine just has letters from a to h which are also split into two halves.] and the two halves dont have classes and stuff together and their timetables are different But!!!!!!! Turns Out The Classes Are Mixed!!!!!!! chat i cant take this im gonna Unalive Myself [/hj]
[the only good thing ig is that some mf that fucked me over moved down from set 1 LMFAOOOOO]
#miro's rambles#schoolposting#also i might have npd. at the very least i have a lot of traits which might just be a side effect of my bpd#no cuz the mf REALLY thought they were better than me academically and socially lmfao. well. heh. imagine not being in top set anymore ☠️☠️#my apologies for being mean BUT ITS DESERVED!!!!!!!!!!!!! I PROMISE!!!!!!!!!!!#anyways i still feel sick#i havent checked whos in my classes yet hhhhh#ill. get google classrooms now then.#wish me luck#[the anxiety wont go away]#tw emetophobia#<- just because i mentioned throwing up quite a bit#rant
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MIKE BLOCKED ME ON TWITTER FOR ROASTING HIS DUMBASS RESPONSE TO THE GRAPHIC NOVEL STUFF!!
grown ass man scared of the 19-year-old queer being mean to him over his public meltdown more at 8.
#ramblez#little white boy sad? U sad bc nobody likes you? Bc u constantly make a fool of urself and show off ur distaste for ur fans? lmao#this is one of the greatest things to ever happen to me imagine how mad he'll be when he finds out the fangame Im making has queers in it#hes gonna have a whole other white boy meltdown on main KJSNFDGKJHFGKJHGKJHSDFGSD#hes so fucking sensitive maybe just get off of social media Mike this never ends well for you#batim#batdr#bendy and the ink machine#bendy and the dark revival#and look Im joking around about this but it really is sad that the bendy devs cant handle this kind of critique towards their decisions#it seems despite the backlash once again they are choosing to ignore their fans which is yknow upsetting#But hey ig if the devs being awful was a dealbreaker for this fandom I wouldve left a long time ago and I havent#dw Im not going anywhere <3#also if anyone else here was also criticizing Mike maybe check his acct to make sure ur not blocked now since apparently#old habits die hard and this is certainly a pattern with him KJHDSFKGJHSDKFGJHDFGSD#also look before anyone asks yes I was kinda mean to him over this but to put bluntly if hes gonna be this dismissive to his fans concerns#he deserves it. Theres this persistent attitude esp in bendy fanspaces of being defensive of the devs#and I dont know why they have been extremely horrible people every single chance they get#and its very hurtful to see how many people would rather tell me to be kinder to the people who broke the heart of a child me when they#dismissed any ideas of putting queers like me in their stories than to realize Mike n Meatly bring this bad attention to themselves#to put bluntly I dont owe them kindness not until they at least apologize for the shit they did which they still havent#mike hasnt even addressed his vent poem in the code of BATDR let alone the other shit he said n did#so no I will not be kind to him ever hope this helps!
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Every day I urge closer to finding every single cave in botw and then comparing them in totk
#yknow like. are they still there? have they changed? what about the shrines? a lot of caves have shrines in them in botw#and then maybe attempting to make some sort of guess about shifts in climate/geography/the sly falling to the ground#and how that could possibly explain any of it#and also to go to every cave location of totk but in botw to see what was there before#and also looking at the totk caves and determining which ones are retconned always been there and which ones would have#genuinely been made by the earthquakes/upheavel#bc like. a LOT of those caves have ruins in them. and i can buy a few covering up over time but some of them? do not buy it#the like. for example. cafe cales cliffbase cave. literally open ruins to the ocean. intact pirate ship in there. cmon. i dont buy it#actually i havent checked that but it is surely not there... hang on one moment#yeah no not there#anyway ive forgotten what i was saying#this was not inspired by that guy who did all the rivers in hyrule but i WAS motivated more by it#moss' madness#botw#totk#loz
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how did i not know there was an amnesia: memories musical..... an entire decade ago...................................................
#actually really difficult to find english language info about it. it seems they had like#a system where each performance had a different ending for the different boys LOL#so if you wanted to see kents ending youd have to come on a specific day etc#there was a dvd release which appears to have all the endings included which is neat. another reason to practice my japanese#id definitely like to check out the songs specifically. you know im already tracking down the cd. you KNOW#i do love amnesia. not the greatest game. theres complications with the artist too LOL#but it was a WILD ass game. especially for my first full otome game i had ever played#i still havent played anything else with this intense genre whiplash between routes#i didnt care much for shins romance but i loved his route because it was straight up just a mystery thriller#tomas was a horror and it was awesome obvs#kents was like a sweet and nice little romantic drama#ikki was like a normal showbiz drama complete with darker elements but also hes an accountant for some reason instead of a celebrity#which is really funny to me HKJDSHJKLDADSd and ukyos his own thing going on. his own intensely otome game-ass thing <3#it was awesome. i need to play more otome games again so many have been released in the past couple years#i need my tonal and genre whiplash. i neeeeeeeeeed it
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Just when I think the day's going well, I crash a golf cart
#summer camp tag#ace is a mess#i do not have a drivers license and i havent even been behind the wheel in like 4 years since i stopped lessons cus of the pandemic#the day was going fine i got loads done didnt feel like i was irritating my director too bad#doing some paperwork for her and she says when im done well take the golf cart out while its not currently raining#im like ooh fun never been in a golf cart before i see the higher up staff in them im not gonna say no to chilling in a golf cart#i did not realise that meant i would be driving esp when she asked if id been in one before and i said no#she then asked if i could drive and i said not really thought that would be it#cus i was supposed to be studying for my theory before working towards my practical#but no she insists im driving and first off i gotta reverse outta this bay now at least i didnt have to think about gears#but i hate tryna figure out how to turn whilst in reverse in mess with my brain im not great with shape visualisation#we do all our stops its fine for the most part a lil too fast going down some of the hills#and some tight turns but my turns were always like that cus im too busy focusing on the most immediate thing#we get back i park fine and then shes like oh actually there are some more stops we can make so i reverse and turn back out#do our two stops with only minimal confusion about direction then as i go to park into the bay we came from#shes like oh actually park in the bay closest to the health centre and what i should have done was reversed and adjusted my angle#instead i drove directly into the supporting beam separating the two bays 🙃😭#i immediately turn the cart off and expect her to switch with me instead shes like laughing it off oh it was just a little bump it was fine#im like it was not that was a loud ass bang i feel so bad and then she lifts up the light cover i broke off saying its just a scratch#and i feel worse so pf course thats when the camp director comes out to check on the noise and i dont think ive ever worn a guiltier look#but theyre both laughing it off oh just having a little driving lesson :) and i am mortified#she gets back in the cart and shes still insisting that its fine and i should still park after that which i do with great trepidation#but there are no more problems and the lights still work but the cover does need fixing and i just oh my god#ive never crashed before never clipped or scratched a car so of course id crash the golf cart trying to park of all things 😭
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Ohhh. I'm like crazy for real okay. Well that's not very good! I thought I just had a little psychosis and now I come to find I have a lot of very detail oriented psychosis!
#turns out I've just been hallucinating coughing up concerning brown/gray/black shit. like i have been coughing up mucus#but my wife reality checked me last night and now it looks... completely different?#this would also explain why; in hindsight; the exact concerning property of the mucus changed as my anxiety changed.#so uhhhhhhhhhhh :-) thats my first long term consistent and deeply tangible delusion ever.#ive had anxious delusions and even some unconvincing but still believed delusions about being a corpse/in mid rot#but this is a straight up months long very very very very convincing delusion of coughing up dirt and blood and mold.#WHICH I HAVENT BEEN DOING APPARENTLY???
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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now
#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL#really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us#ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great#extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore#the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog#its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow#i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating#i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one#i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it#theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget#anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by#there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad#cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now#maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that#im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away#ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free#i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20#i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her#but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more#maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know#because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before#i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years#i dunno. i dont know#anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process#the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months#the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time#when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move#just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend
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also ok maybe had a weird little freak moment yesterday :/ i was with lydia and needed to eat my godawful shitass sushi before going to the library so anyway who do i spot but the roommate with some random guy naturally and im like lydia pause i need to be a stalker but so casually for just like a sec. (this is in a downstairs like cafe/hallway/elevators area) so i stall and then we go to check for a free room to sit in and when there r ppl in it we just go back near the cafe area and theyre over in this little. alcove. of a sitting area. lounging. and im so normal and rlly naturally glanced over a couple times hoping to god the guy didnt see me cause luckily roommate was faced away. anyway. but lydias screenaging it up so im just sitting there awkwardly. and i have to walk past them at one point to get soy sauce to drown the sushi in and maybe that made me look like a weird little stalker too. well again this is if the guy even knows who i am and prob not so whatever its like fine. but like yeah and then i def saw them getting up and then on the elevator to leave so i think my skittish little creature tendencies scared off the vibe from across the room even... and i didnt just wave like a normal person bc i wasnt sure they saw me but we've spotted each other at much greater distances there's simply no way. i was treating them like what the kids call an 'opp' kinda... me when im an anxious little beast...
#and me when i type up a long paragraph abt like nothing happening! <3#um. and i am overthinking and in my defense. ill lament one more time. HAVENT HAD MY ANXIETY MEDS IN DAYS. so plz be nice..#and lydia joked abt how i was a little weird. which i was. but now im like fuckkkkk man we're never hanging out again...#they also went back to like one of my stories theyd seen this morning so its like wowwwwww so youre literally obsessed w me..#anyway. still being so strong and leaving it to them to make a rain check plan if they wanna. and if not thats so hashtag chill#also ive barely seen sam this week which is like nice but i found out they last second saw the eclipse together#and again not that i think i would come up or w/e but i did have sam off my close friends for a while bc he was stressing me out. yk.#and im not sure if um... that would have become evident... doesnt actually matter who gaf#but yeah also naturally hes seeing one of the coolest most beautiful talented creative etc girls in the film major rn#on top of his little fuck buddy. and im not being a bitter little incel abt the fact that hes got bitches and i dont.#bc its like. whatever. too much going on rn to have bitches. tho ill stick to my guns in saying some good sex could fix me a little#yayyyy i love talking#abby talks
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i did something scary today, i thought my sister was mad at me so instead of stewing in my anxiety i actually straight up asked her! (...after stewing in my anxiety for a while lol...). (the answer was no, it's just been a stressful week for her & she's not very well, so she was blunt and, unusually for her, not very chatty, which makes my brain go !! danger !!)
#do it scared etc#personal#hs' cptsd#also unrelated but i havent had therapy since. fuckin november for Life reasons. and i finally could set up an appointment but my psych -#- isnt responding to my text or my email which i sent a week ago. which is unusal for her she normally replies within a few days. so -#- my anxiety brain goes 'Oh shit shes dead!!!' which is unfortunately my default Worst Case Scenario that i jump to.#i mean ofc very unlikely that she IS dead. more likely that shes not checking work stuff bc its easter holidays! but im still like. -#- what if she is. i wouldnt even know i doubt people would think to let a client she hasnt seen for months know! ... and then i spiral. lol
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Siffrin is Not having a good time yall.
#ariaplays: isat#isat spoilers#me and siffrin both. we are Not surviving the timeloop#so i went to beat the king again (still act 3) and this time without making anyone suspicious. which turned out nicely!#but at the same time im also losing my mind trying to think bout Where is the article bout the king??? siffrin has an idea#where it could be. i dont. i dont even remember much bout the rooms i visited in past loops. Where is it. unless if its#in the ''wrong'' rooms that makes everyone stuck in time. i havent checked those yet and im gonna do that next actually#i got into those rooms like once cuz i never choose the wrong options after that but i think i might have to in this loop#also after i beat the king. siffrin is like... he's breaking yall. they went from stressing over the timeloops to wanting everything#be the same forever like man... that part where everyone reaches for em and he's just smiling like oohhhh boi...#thats the smile of someone who aint having a good time at all. well-- actually. maybe. siffrin was having a good time feeling#loved but like-- dayum... thats not how you go bout that siff ohgod...
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that guy
#one piece#eustass kid#my art#undescribed#<- its 2am and im brain has given up i'll go back tomorrow/later today to write some alt text#feel like i havent drawn anything serious in weeks. didnt vibe at first with the shading in the first one so i tried smth flatter.#i had thoughts i wanted to say about him but yeah. i like him. i like that he love his bestie a ton. and his style and kind of shitty#personality and worse temperament. he's fun. anyway goodnight. oh yeah. in french they translated a word as 'best friend' which made me#realized not a single characters that i can remember had ever called anyone best friend. then i check the english translation and turns out#they translated it as 'partner' (tis all about how kid and killer calls each other btw) a +100 eps later killer use the same word again thi#time its translated as 'partner' too and also i manage to catch the word these two been using. 'aibou' and well. there seems to Meanings an#all about this word im thinking i need to look it up properly when i remember to do it but i just happy these two love each other a lot yet#still refers to the others as 'teme' sometimes which man. so funny. i also love killer too btw. need to draw that hug. 12 years theyve been#in my life and i knew nothing of them till now its interesting feeling.
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🧸🧃⛈️
#so like late last night i started to get rlly panicky nd upset#bc it's v much looking like im gnna fail my english class. i need to be done next wednesday which means i need to work rlly hard#nd go to school extra to have a presentation nd do tests etc etc#nd im still in pain after surgery nd im rlly depressed bc of my physical health so i just dont think i can be strong nd make it this time#in my almost breakdown i wrote a self referral to the clinic/psych department for personality disorders....#it usually takes them around 2 days to answer you but this time at like 8am they sent me a message AND called me#(i think. im not certain it's them bc i havent checked the voice message or the reply lmaooo. but it should be them)#the thing abt having avpd is now im immediately stressed af nd i regret sending it. i donr wanna check their reply#also it might be bc i wrote a lot abt killing myseld etc etc nd now im worried theyre gnna be like girlie get checked in!!!! lol T-T#i just needed to be very clear nd act frsutrted nd desperate bc i have never gotten treatment in 10yrs nd im TIRED!!!!#my initial reaction is to avoid at all costs nd just pull my covers above my head nd pretend like i dont have to check their reply lol#i dont wannaaaaaa. i take it back i dont want help!!! its fine i dont wanna try or work hard let me rot#why did i do this!!!!! fml. anyway... i'll check later today bc since its early i can still use the excuse of sleepinf thru the days#many ppl working w mentally ill ppl understand that it's normal actually to switch the day around nd sleep during the days sksksk#but also i have no idea how many typos r in here bc im not wearing my glasses whoopsie#yeah.. anyway im gonna try to go back to sleep nd not think abt it#hopefully it wasnt even them calling 🤡 i know i HAVE to check later but not now i can take a few hours#then today i need to figure out if im gnna make one last attempt w my eng class or give up idk what to do
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