#which is why im only 2/7 in
Text
idk why but as im slowly downloading all the mechs albums im downloading my favourite ones last? like i have udad and hnoc now and while they're objectively good albums they're also my least favourite in the whole discography 💀 (which, i mean maybe that's something to say about how great they all are that ill listen to my least favourite albums on loop)
#although tbf#hnoc is now one of my favourites after listening to it on loop for like a week#also for context i have to download each song as an mp3 for my music app and then manually name em so i know what im listening to#which is why im only 2/7 in#the mechs#the mechanisms#i do also have gptvtmk and alice#and a few misc songs
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
me: keeps drawing random one-off fanarts from things that aren't currently big at all
also me: why no notes on my arte
#grateful for all of u lol#but why no notes !! lol !! i want attention i want engagement#i need to be LOVED and sharing my art is the vessel through which i ascribe my self worth...#it's like how if you have a long list of movies to watch ur still more likely to just.#watch some random movie you heard about 2 minutes ago that seems interesting. if u have spare movie time#bc it's lower pressure or smth#idk brother ! idk#im just chillin here in my cave drawing things apparently only i want to see and like maybe 5 other people#welcome to my cave#alligates says things#yo being an artist on the internet is genuinely awful. social media is not built for my delicate ass#even popular artists (i might technically be a popular artist) like i Know it sucks babe. i know#anyway 'no notes' generally in the past i could hit like. 500 ? with relative ease ? sometimes#yall i'm struggling to hit 100. why 7 reblogs and 35 likes. this is not the way#i'm a creator on the internet complaining about numbers ! not really gonna stop me tho#let's be honest whether or not i'm getting attention my ability to draw or not is contingent on. my own psychological ass. and little else#thank u for listening. it is my bedtime. goonite#if you read all these tags... idk. tell me the name of your favourite flower !
90 notes
·
View notes
Text
Pose<3
#hey dude why are your fucked up halo like things irregular and centered not in the middle of your face????#bc hes a fake bitch<3 his 'centre' is in the eye of the beholder#gold & silver#cecio#thebirdarts#yall are spared my mountain of tags trying to figure out which jojo's pose i subconsciously riffed#the answer is fucking any of them idk#i used my own references#[strongest contended is one from part 2 but i made the arm horizontal not vertical. but idfk]#ive read almost 7 volumes & all of the anime it could be any#the only reason part 2 is a strong contender is bc SOMEONE#looped the fucking opening for the hours we were in vc one night and its burned into my fucking brain#it haunts my sleep#might be Jolyne. just a feeling#and i will give my headshots clothes when i need to cover something. im not thinking about cloth for like. a tint bit of torso
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
Anyway needless to say, college is showing me a whole slew of people who are using laptops in school for the first time and they're so bad at it. They're so bad at taking notes too. They're so bad at everything
#im a hater today but its helping. ill get a caramel shortcake and thatll help more#ANYWAY STOP TAKING DOWN THE TEXT ON THE POWERPOINTS VERBATIM!!!!!!!!#THEYRE UP ON CANVAS PAY ATTENTION TO THE LECTURER INSTEAD!!!#(im haterposting instead of listening but im keeping an ear out. theyre defining bildungsromans rn)#their typing speeds are so slow and for most i would assume its inexperience#in which case i ask why are you switching to a laptop instead of using a notebook!!!!!#plus they mistreat their laptops so badly. so full of bloatware. some of them are even mac users#(honestly idk that much abt macs specifically. maybe theyre gr8. but i hate and kill apple)#give your laptops to me ill treat them right.... ill feed them ill clean up after them....#and you just know that tech disasters are gonna befall so many of them bcos tech skills are on a downslope#like i dont look it bcos i tote around the same 2 notebooks and take like 3 bullet points max of notes per lecture#but ive been using a laptop for school going on 7 years i know my shit!!!#and theyre heavy to carry around and generally only worth it if you plan on doing a LOT of typing#which for ordinary lectures im not!!!! im not taking down every word on the powerpoint like a dipshit!!!#if i bring my laptop im either planning on writing some essay shit or not paying attention during class#anyway thats my little rant. its alright im allowed
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
7 minutes of a phonecall with my mother is enough for me to start being a bitch lol
#i understand that going by train is a novelty for her but i spend half of my motherfucking life on trains and i feel sick just getting on em#but im '20 not 80' so i have no right to prefer not to spend 5.5 to 7 fucking hours on a train (which will ALWAYS be longer than it says)#when i can split that journey in 2 instead because. AGAIN. ive been getting on longer train rides at least twice a week on average#(sometimes more) for the past 3 years and i KNOW FOR A FACT that i start losing my goddamn mind and getting overstimulated after 3-4 hours#and i KNOW its gonna be a fucking NIGHTMARE for me to go on a completely avoidable 7 hour long ride WITH HER SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO ME#and its not that we really MUST choose the cheapest option because the difference will be like 20 zł at best#what the fuck is that woman's problem#the fact that she cant understand that 7 hours of sitting motionless in a closed space with Other People is nightmarish for me#and i cant explain it to her because we keep playing this fucked up game where i pretend that im Normal and not Mentally Fucked Up#but i can only keep it going for so long before the symptoms of Not Being As Normal As We Both Hoped Id Be start to show#and i can only mask them for so long too and why is it so hard to split that fucking train ride#and then IM the evil one and a bitch when i tell her 'okay we'll do it your way' cause she Doesnt Deserve That Tone From Me#babygirl you deserve SO much worse from me particularly fuck this this trip is gonna be a nightmare#i want siblings so bad. i just want someone on my fucking team why am i always simultaneously the Stupid the Bad and the Crazy one here
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
lying on my bed at 6pm bc it's finally the weekend and the last two weeks have been some bullshit
#the first week of September not only did i have a cold but i was also in a mad frenzy to mail my grad school application to korea#within the VERY short window in which they accept them#and i had to run all over while I was sick (I wore a mask everywhere believe me I did not WANT to go out) for a day to get it done#and it was sooooooo expensive to mail quickly hoooolllyyyy shit#i had a friend over last weekend which was fun but exhausting#then sunday night after a relaxing day i check the tracking link for my application papers and it said they couldn't deliver it#but there were 2 updates one said the address was wrong one said they couldn't get access to the building to deliver#SO ANYWAY I freaked out and didn't know what to do and by time I put my phone away and went to bed it was sooooo late#and I spent Monday/Tuesday being worried 24/7 and going back and forth between the university and UPS on email/phone to get it sorted#thank god I got a delivery notification super late on Tuesday before I went to bed and the school updated my application by Weds am#so I can sleep in peace for now#but ......god#why does the plot always have to be thick like pleaseeee#so anyway Im taking this weekend to rest and recharge#my friend sent me a gift box from lush to make me feel better and I WILL be using it🥹#I plan to relax and plan my korea trip and sleep a lot this weekend tbh#also i get paid today yayyy#haven't posted a long personal vent in awhile figured it was time✨#//#personal
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
bedtime nowww probably ummm today qas not what i wanted it 2 be but its fine. i dont feel negative just a very very very numb day which is almost worse. but only almost 🙏
#i did get thr laundry done didnt fold it didnt take a shower#so thatll hopefuly be tmrw#i hope im able to do an activity with somebody tmrw.... the kids will be back at school so umm. no risk of weeman asking for my laptop in#the morning. or maybe me n lamp could play aa... idk#i feel like such a loser i go 1 day without bothering my family and im like wahhh im lonely. Can you shut up ..... we r better than this.#but wtvr. thats also a mean thought and i shouldnt be idolizing the way i lived last year. We were taking spongebaths and eating#1 bowl of soup a day crying ourselves to sleep every night and literally going weeks on end wo talking to our loved ones. so why am i like#We need to go back ! well i know why its bc i cant just let myself heal and move on bc of my stupid complex#and tbf i was very efficient back then. i ws able to do my spongebaths at least every 3 days and i did my laundry every week right on#schedule and i had a job....all it took was literally not being a person in any meaningful way FJFNGJGN. idk#it was very simple. its still very simple perhaps simpler (#no job) but instead i just feel guilty i guess. sbt everything#which i ws doing last year but again i was too out of it to rly dwell. i just cried at work a lot abt it#but now its like. i dont have a job to go to to focus on. my interests/hobbies can only distract me for a few days maximum b4 they become#nothing 2 me. and then im just back in limbo again and it feels pointless#and even when its a 'good' phase of something actually keeping me distracted from everything its like. not. all it does is ruin my sleep#schedule again yk. ik im literally the timeloop guy so u think id loveee Everyday being exactly the same over and over and over but well i#dont. bc they arent actually the same day theyre just reminders that everything does keep fucking going but im stuck. which is the opposite#of what i want. and what id have if the beautiful timeloop would simply rescue me. wtvr tho.... she doesnt even know i exist 😥#little joke. IDK. like i said its better ig than having a truly miserable day but. man. i wish everything was better#i ws gonna say like it used to be but. yk. ive been depressed since i was like 7 its not like. idk. i wish i was born different and i wish#my head worked and i wish none of it had evrr happened. but itis ok. i cant think of a funny cutesy alternative to put here so we will just#say nothing. yay
2 notes
·
View notes
Note
happy eurovison!! do your stretches!!!
babe it's been days since i did my stretches at this point im too scared
#in my defence idk WHAT was going on with my sunday shift bc i only waitressed 7 hours and that's a pretty normal shift for me#like im aware compared to a normal person it would be very difficult to just out of nowhere expect them to be on their feet#walking back and forth the entire length of a restaurant regularly carrying heavy things all the while keeping up ABOVE AND BEYOND socially#for SEVEN ENTIRE HOURS with ZERO BREAK like masking that entire time on top of the 7 hour physical workout#like it's insane if u think about it for more than 2 seconds and im really trying to bc every time i falter i beat the shit out of myself#and like? NO? my job is actually very physically demanding and emotionally draining compared to most people's day-to-day activity#it's gonna have impacts sometimes!#so yeah long story short i finished my shift sunday and when i tell you my legs LOCKED UP in bed that night#like mainly my thighs but it was all in my hips and knees and it was so bad that i lay there until 2am before getting painkillers#bc i couldnt hack it#which is SAYING SOMETHING for me bc im normally both quite good with pain and also a hardass for taking painkillers#ive had that happen once before (again after waitressing lol) & never worried about it but my mum recently got diagnosed with arthritis#and ever since ive been like. Looking at my own joints any time they even HINT at playing up#like i am RENOWNED for inhereting all of my mum's medical shit from mental to physical like i KNOW i'll get it it's just a matter of when#and yeah that was sunday it's now tuesday and my thighs STILL feel bruised#and im like. embarassed about it bc it's not like i did anything spectacular? and idk why it's happening?#yeah idk hiiii rori did u like me ranting about my physical health in ur stretch reminder ask sorry do u still think im hot <3#ask
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
girl who's a lil bit of a fag
#okay listen.#i have this coworker in another department who's like 7 feet tall n presents very queer which makes them a million times cooler than me bc#im just a basic trans bitch who conformed to all the gender norms n i just want them to scoop me into my arms n carry me away n AHHHHHHHHHH#i did not know i had a type until i met them#but i feel like i am not their type but i rly know nothing abt them!!! today was the first time ive ever talked to them n i was so awkward#oh my god#i cannot explain why bc i know nothing abt their gender identity or sexuality or even their name!!! but our love would b the most homosexua#they r the type of person i would let pull my hair n call me a faggot#i would be a boy for them i would do it i stg#just like a lil twink who only bottoms#anyways#thanks 4 coming 2 my problematic ted talk 😌#this is why i dont get laid
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#toxic ex mentioned#idk why i still hate him so much#ik i also fucked up like HARD#but like that dkesnt stop me hating him#had to drop so many of my interests to stay away from him#broke away from social group bc of him#my selfish ass gnashing my teeth like why does he get to live normally while i retreat to a corner#unseen and unheard#rghdhhjjhbgdgg#im not making a big deal out of nothing right?#its not normal to try to control your s/o's life 24/7 and completely breakdown when they have other shit to do#right???#or do i just not know how normal relationships work#is that normal#voice in my head telling me its my fault for not prioritising him in my life#other voice in my head telling me its not healthy to have your world revolve around your s/o of which youve been dating only for 2 weeks#idk whay to believe anymore#uagshhrbbnnng#arc 3am logs#vent#vent in the tags
1 note
·
View note
Text
Thank you again Silent Reading for pandering to me specifically as a demi ToT
#silent reading#lb#i mean ANYONE can enjoy it#but its rare i GET nice 7 years of relationship forming and emotional connection and platonic bonding#THEN nearly a book canon year of flirting and gradual relationship crush Developing and gradual mutual attraction building#and THEN still a somewhat controlled pace in the established relationship of STILL casually building trust#like. thats my ideal man. nothing i hate more than love at first sight ToT silent reading is incapablr of being love at first sight thank#fuck. even tao ran and his straight crysh! he liked her since middle school! a nicr LONG TERM SLOW BUILDING CRUSH thank you priest#Guardian gets a pass cause 1 fucker is always in love like 10k years lol. but genetally i just CANNOT click with love at first sight#tian ya ke gets a pass cause. thank fuck they dont trust esch other so dont IMMEDIATELY get together#which tbh may be why i like enemies/investigating each other to lovers. it forces the romance to slow down and build trust gradually#even if dreaded love at first sighy occurs#(nothing wrong with love at first sight! im just lol enjoying a romance story i can fucking relate to ToT#its rare i get spoiled with one i really can just relax and fully relate to. also.... not necessary or related byt#its very easy to headcanon fei du as demiromantic. given he only crushed on maybe 2 people. possibly only 1 tbh. and it took years of trust#building befote he Could crush. and his very Disconnected emptionally to the Actions Performance of courting/flirting is MEGA relatable)
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
sry im like willing myself to get up and brush my teeth and all that but im literally like Maybe i should finally actually listen to tbi. as in the bifrost incident not traumatic brain injury which it would be insane if there was a mechs album named traumatic brain injury.
#i legit never listened to it idk why i think i got scared n then yk and blah blah blah and yada yada and my granny died and yeah.so yeah#basically i need 2 listen and also i sort of just need to listen to every mechs album bc idk that ive fully listened to either of the ttbt.#<- i know a few of the stand outs but i havent fully listened basically.... and i miss the mechs so bad rn its crazy. i think they would#killing eachother over mild disagreements#i say that like its a hc im pretty sure thats canon i think its awesome. if iiii was an immortal space pirate whos only exists#to power the narrative and i was on a ship with like 7 other immortal space pirates who only exist to power the narrative.#well 1 me and those guys would be having the most insane sex possible crazy shit guns would ABSOLUTELY be involved we would#be fucking in the airlock opening the doors just for laffs itd be fucking wild shit. second of all yes wed kill eachother at least once a#day r u crazy andf itd be awesome. id make a to do list of every single death i could imagine and id do each at least 10 times and itd be#crazy !! wah wah immortality 1. seems fun 2. they die eventually 3. legit whenever they want they can just kill themselves and not exist fo#an hour tell me that isnt my dream world i dare you.#also ik ive exclusively talked abt the crew members which is kind of one of my pet peeves bc they legit arent the focus#but im nostalgic for them and rest assured the albums make me craaaaazyyy#mdni#minors dni#sorry i forgot what i said about the guns and whatnot#nsft#a2t#covering all the bases here
1 note
·
View note
Text
ford has rescued me after fainting like 4 times now do you think he likes me 😳
#3ot diary#but fr though hes kind of my favorite out of the men so far#hes such a little weirdo. obsessed with medicine headass.#i havent gotten very close with everyone else yet though. im on summer 19th.#i seem to be progressing very fast though bc i chose the tycoon personality trait 💀#i thought my character would just be very good at selling stuff but no. you get 50k starting funds. like holy shit.#kinda feels like cheating but i have westown at rank c and both tsuyukasa and lulukoko are d#which is insane bc tsuyukasa unlocked like 2 weeks ago??#idk why it went up so fast#maybe its bc i bought so much stuff from them#meanwhile i only really shop at ludus's shop in lulukoko#anyway... my money is gone i only have 7 k now#but earning money is also really easy since i have so many crops#thankfully it doesnt destroy my stamina like in other games. thats what trees and boulders are for.
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
screaming, tearing my hair out, sobbing face down on my bed
#so my ex-boyfriend left the temp housing place without cleaning up at all. The thing is we were still together when he left.#We broke up after he was gone and before I came back to the house. The sink is overflowing with dishes and he left stuff here even though he#moved over an hour away. The other person that was staying here also left all the dishes dirty. Its the temp housings community dishes so I#cant cook or eat now and I CANT DO DISHES RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I STILL ALMOST PASS OUT WHEN IM STANDING FOR TOO LONG?#which he knew about before he left the place. and so did the other person staying here because she was my cousin.#I'm disgusted by people. And I'm so hurt? We were going to stay together and he did that to me. And I know he wasnt planning on leaving me.#Because he left two items very important to him sitting on our bed.#One being his ushanka that he got while living in russia with his grandpas soviet pin still on it.#And two the blanket his children were wrapped in as babies.#He left so much stuff here when I asked him to take everything. But he made sure to take the food that was his/what he thought should be his#Im pretty sure that he took my only HDMI cord too and I dont know what else.#I still have all of his other stuff in a storage unit. I plan to give it back but unless he gives me atleast a day of notice I cant.#Im going to have to call my mom to ask her to help me clean this all up. I physically cant do it And I'm calling the housing department tmrw#I gotta tell them that they gotta make sure that people actually follow the contract because i cant fucking eat until my mom comes to help#Theres cameras in all the common areas including the kitchen that run 24/7 so why havent they done anything. The other person that lived#here already moved out and it was all recorded. I gotta put in a complaint or something. This is why I'm losing a dangerous amount of weight#because I cant eat especially since i had an abortion 2 weeks ago thats given me so many health issues#I couldnt walk or move for days without my vision going black and i had such severe pain I was in and out of the doctors office and the ER#Not to mention I couldnt breathe when I was standing/walking too. And then he just left everything for me to deal with.#and yes again WE WERE STILL TOGETHER WHEN HE LEFT#im so tired and hungry man this is fucking terrible.#tag vent#vent in tags#vent
0 notes
Text
sorry to the person whose blog i just scrolled thru like its my dashboard
#also unrelated but top surgery when??? (oct 17)#i look so hot in a tank top i NEED to be able to wear them#the annoying muscle tees i must unlock.......#im gonna look like such a dork but its not my fault they didnt let me do puberty until i was halfway thru college#keep telling myself i can wait for 4 more months but boy it is the middle of summer and i am a hot transsexual only in the temperature way#i Can wait 4 months. my consult was literally 7 months ago and i contacted them to schedule it 3.5 before that#but boy do i not want to#also i still havent told my parents even tho i need to come back to their house for it bc the hospital is in the nearest city to where they#live#uhhhh its fine ill be fine#i know theyre gonna drive me to the hospital and help me w recovery and stuff#but they Are gonna be weird about it.#they still only call me 'they' / 'person' / 'child' etc. gender neutral words#and theyve known for over 2 years that im saving for top surgery but they do the whole 'wait till youre 25 to make decisions' thing everytim#e it gets brought up. which is never if i can help it.#anyway im thinking ill tell them in august before i go back to college for the semester so i can minimize the amount of time being around#them after telling them#but still giving enough advance notice that theyre not mad at me for NOT warning them that im coming home to do a big surgery#anyway sorry idk why im using this as a journal but •_• yeah#o.
1 note
·
View note
Text
read asoue to weeman as a bedtime story he liked it YAYYYY
#i set up a oneblock mc workd 4 him bc hes been obsessed w them#took me a while bc im an idiot FJFBFNN but i got it. nd he was having fun but itsba school night#but he was in my room playing so eventually i convinced him to turn off mc (meryl my computer came in with an assist (battery low warning so#i could say I think meryl is getting tired....)) so then he helped me turn it off but was still so sad#so i offered for him to stay cozy in my room 4 awhile and we sat together and then i said we could read a story together#so he read his favorite book 2 me (not a box if anybody is curious) and then i relized my copies of asoue r in storage at current moment#Which was the bummer. but i checked out the ebook from my library in wa YAYY I LOVE LIBRARIES#so i was reading that to him :] and he was super into it asking me abt words i didnt know he even asked me Why is his last name snicket...#as if the name lemony isnt weirder NRNTJFNhes funny#but ya. and he was asking me questions abt the story (How did that fire start.... Maybe they left the oven on too long 😥😥😥) but he was#rly into it... i was a bit worried itd be a bit too sad 4 him But i underestimated him . he was very sad when their parents died but very#invested. we got abt midway through chapter 4 (klaus had just said the thing abt olaf only giving them one bed) and then he started#fake snoring. so i carried him to his room and then unfortunately he noticed that his phone was charged so he decided to play on that a bit#before bed . sigh . I did my best#nd then i told my mom and she had the gall to be like Sigh when i said he grabbed his ohone and its like. Well thatis bc you gave him a#phone to play on and whenever you dont feel like listening to him when he wants to tell you things you distract him with any screen in reach#like. yk. itis entirely your alls fault. and i feel bad#hes such a sweet kid and yes he does have a tendency to talk a lot bc hes . an autistic 6 year old who loves a lot of things and is excited#to share. yk. but most everyone just ignores him and i feel bad...#i try my best to listen sometimes i have trouble following but like. yk.#and a lot of the stuff is abt whatever youtubers hes watching which. sigh. but whtevr#idk. i worry abt him having a phone with internet access like. hes only got kids youtube and stuff but. well i dont love kids having access#to the internet so young <- guy who was doing erp with strangers online at age 7.#but. waghhhhhhfhfhrbfufbfjr. wtvr#anyways. im glad he liked the story at least im hoping i can get him into reading more#he likes reading but im gonna ask my mom if i can get all my books out of storage#theyre like. hes still quite young for most of them but ive got some old junie b jones#and i think tag would like a lot of them as well ... neither of them read a lot it makes me sad but its. understandable. my parents didnt#teach tag to read like at all and they still struggle with it#so i cannot blame them. but i think the books i liked at their age r things theyd like so ! yk.
0 notes
Last Seen Blogs
info-wonen-jongeren
Eenzame Ouderen
navigatrixartpt2
navigatrixart, now with butts
tungmaya
Entertrain
night-terror-necrophobia
Fear of death is only natural...
jadeble
Jade :p