#which means even though i workout an hour a day for over a month my weights been at 180 (maintaining)

[hwsforeignrelations-reblogs]

my toxic trait cycle is kinda not liking being fat, getting into a good workout routine and holding it for a few months, gaining a ton of muscle and losing little weight overall bc i love food and live in urban areas with amazing diversity, then stopping the exercise routine cuz IDEK, and beinmg like whaaaahhhh where r my moose-kles??? gaining a ton of weight and starting all over

[thinkingotherwise]

AlHaitham x reader HC Part 1

Maybe in some distant future I'll get my shit together and expand some of these ideas.

I just think he would be whipped bad for someone and so protective. But at the same time he would unconsciously made them look after him like a kid, because he's got other things to do (like reading another book or complaining about scholars).

A - Z fluff headcanons (stories ideas?)

Part 1 A - I Part 2 J - R Part 3 S - Z (+ Y again)

Ancient language - secret conversation in lost languages

Having a secret conversation with Haitham at academy in lost language you studied together and telling each other sweet words of encouragement for his job as Acting Grand Sage and your as Acting Scribe or talking with him about other scholars in the language no one beside you two understand, him of course correcting you with a smirk whenever you make a mistake

Book - sharing book time while laying on his lap

Spending free time on couch while reading, having your head in Haitham's lap and finally falling asleep while he pats your head whenever he is not turning the pages, sometimes he reads to you some of the less scientific books but after a long day of work you fall asleep either way

Cold - sharing gloves and scarf in cold

Meeting Haitham during cold evening, giving him your scarf and sharing your gloves with him when you find out that he has red cheeks from cold and his hands are freezing cold, holding his freezing hand tightly inside your slighlty bigger gloves, which you bought specifically for those occasions

Diner date - making diner fiasco and going out

Trying to prepare Haitham's favourite dish for a little diner date you planned but failing miserably while you also focus on a dessert and when neither of the dishes go well and he comes home to find you in the middle of the mess you created he proposes to go out to eat after helping you clean everything in the kitchen not forgetting to tease you about the failed activity

Eye contact - secret eye contact communication

Spending so much time together you can held some parts of the conversation with your eyes, when Haitham has enough of Kaveh and wants to say something you shoot him a glare and he responds with sigh and you move behind him to embrace him while Kaveh continues talking or you stopping him from some mean comments that he can shot at other scholars with just a short look, raised eyebrow and a tilt of you head

Favourable outcome - staying after hours pays off

After complaining about you being late with documents exchanging overtime help with filling them for being a part-time assistant of the Scribe and following him for the next month, and later on staying with him as his assistant willingly

Gymnastics - training together and stretching

Finally making Haitham agree for training session together and he's surprised at how flexible you are, he will stop mid-workout just to look at you and appreciate your figure while you sweat your ass off

Hug - comforting hugs

More of the time it's you that need a hug but there are times where the Scribe needs a hug even though he won't say anything, embracing him with his head on your chest on one of the sofas and the most comfiest blanket you could've find over you two

Injury - taking care and fussing about one's injury

You fussing over a deep cut on Alhaitham's arm is not even half the worry you pour over him as when he fusses over a small paper cut on your finger, after not so delicately treating you he lightly pecks your injury and strokes the skin around it with his warm fingers

[allthefandomthings55]

Life in the Limelight

The next morning you went downstairs to start breakfast for you and Spencer. Instead of eating you text Spencer to text you when he wakes up and make a pre workout shake. You then go to your workout room to get one of your two runs in for the day. 

After your three hour run and a shower, you get dressed. You put on a pair of low waisted jeans with a Harvard sweatshirt. You pair that with a pair of black vans and check yourself in the mirror. This has the aesthetic for your next album for the most part; laid back academia. When you grabbed your phone you see that Spencer still hasn’t texted you. You decide to let him sleep and go and eat breakfast. 

As you’re eating, Ben walks in. “Y/N, I just wanted you to know that we’re here and to call out if something is wrong.”

“Hey Ben. Yeah I was just going to go up to the music room and mess around. Maybe come up with something different.” Ben nods and heads back to wherever he goes. You finish and place your plate in the dishwasher and head up to your music room. 

After messing around on the piano for about an hour you feel like you’ve made progress. You were about to pick up your guitar when you heard yelling. You rush downstairs and see Ben holding Spencer by the shoulder forcing him to walk. “Wait! Ben stop!,” Ben stops and turns to you, which means he’s also turned Spencer to face you, “He can stay. He came by last night and I offered the guest room to him. He was shot yesterday.” 

Ben immediately lets go of Spencer and makes sure he didn’t hurt him too bad. “I’m ok, sorry I thought I would try to find you,” Spencer mumbles. 

“It’s fine Spencer. How about you go to the kitchen. I made breakfast for us but I already ate. I’ll be in soon.” Spencer nods and walks off. You turn to Ben, “Did you have to be so rough?”

He puts his hands up, “Hey, if he were and actual burglar, you would’ve been glad that I was being rough. Plus you didn’t tell me you had a friend over.”

You sigh, “You’re right. I’m sorry I kind of forgot about Spencer. I mean our relationship is new and I’ve been trying to ease him into this whole life. Especially since he’s more of a private person. He doesn’t want his coworkers to know that we’re dating until we’ve got this dynamic worked out.”

Ben nodded, “Ok. Just next time tell me and I’ll be sure to put him on the list that is ok to be here.” You nod and head to the kitchen to check on Spencer. 

“Hey Spencer. Look, I’m sorry about that. I forgot to tell them you were here and they thought you were a burglar or a stalker or someone with undesired intentions. But now they’ve got you on the ‘Allowed in the House and just Generally Around Y/N’ list.”

Spencer laughed, covering his mouth as he did, “It’s alright. I’m actually glad that you have great security. It makes me feel better knowing that when I’m not here that you are still being taken care of.” You laughed and he continued, “You know I don’t mean that in a ‘I need to be around you all of the time to watch you’ way I mean that in the ‘I want to be around you as much as I can because I really really like you.” 

You blushed at that, “You know Spencer, I really really like you too. Even though it has only been a couple of months but I really like what we have going here. I want you to stay as much as you are willing to deal with me and my crazy life. 

A little while later

You and Spencer were chilling on your couch watching movies and TV when you checked the time. “Ugh.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I need to go to rehearsal. I told you I was going to send you pictures of tour outfits, well I need to go learn more choreography for my upcoming tour. It’ll probably be a couple of hours but you are more than welcome to stay here if you want.”

Spencer thought for a moment, “I think I’m going to swing by my apartment just in case someone tries to come by to see how I’m doing.”

You smiled, “Ok! I get driven around pretty much anywhere. Did you want a ride to your apartment or did you want to drive yourself?”

He looked at his arm then back at you, “Ummm if it’s not too much trouble I’d like a ride. I mean I could drive but I don’t feel comfortable one handed.”

“Yes it is no issue! Let me go pack some choreography clothes and I’ll be right back down.”

A few minutes later you and Spencer are sitting in the back of a car with one of your bodyguards driving. You and Spencer were sitting next to each other talking and laughing and holding hands. As we pulled in front of his apartment Spencer looked at me, “You deserve so much better,” he whispered, staring at our hands interlocked. 

“I don’t know what you mean?”

“You deserve so much better than me. You are loved by so many people and you use your famous status to help so many people. I’m just me. A nobody who works for the FBI who didn’t even know who you were when we met.”

“That’s what you don’t get,” I said exasperated. “I don’t care if I deserve better because I want you.”

“There is nothing better than you,” he whispered. 

I put my hand on his cheek and leaned in to kiss him. Once we pulled away I looked at him, “Ok so I have to leave or I’m going to be late to rehearsal, but after they drop me off they will be back to pick you up ok?” Spencer nodded and smiled. “Good, I'll see you in a few hours.”

“Bye,” Spencer said wistfully. 

[transfemgeorgecostanza]

It all started with flickering bathroom lights, even though I had only changed the lightbulbs about two months ago.

Saturday the oven stopped working. This morning the dishwasher suddenly doesnt make it past the startup sound, then the screen goes blank. Which made me wonder.

The lightbulbs from the bathroom work perfectly in the kitchen lamp. All visible sockets in the kitchen work, thank god, which means the fridge and freezer are still running. The oven and dishwasher share a wall with the bathroom. None of the sockets in the bathroom work, which also means no washing machine use possible. At least the water heater in the bathroom still does what it is there for, so no cold showers.

Contacted the landlord, they will send someone over, hopefully today.

First day off and already more than two hours wasted on this bullshit instead of enjoying morning tea, doing my gay little workout and watching a show.

[ryocos]

Hi. Hope this isn’t annoying or anything but I’m also someone with chronic pain (along with other disabilities), and I have to ask how in the hell do you work out with it? I can’t exercise at all; prior to developing it I stated doing some exercises I received from my cardiologist, but now I just. Can’t do that stuff anymore.

Is there any advice you’d share? I’m not able to take lots of strain due to my congenital heart defect, plus I have balance issues, but if there’s anything you’d suggest to help, that’d be great (it’s fine if not though; I don’t wanna come across as a ShArE yOuR sEcReTs or abled-style prying into your medical history or anything)

For a while I couldn't do anything, no matter how hard I tried. I would try for a week and then be bed bound for 3 times as long trying to recover. Sometimes it's just not in the cards to move like that and I just grew to accept that it would be my new normal. It's been pretty recent that I've managed to get my symptoms into manageable levels that allowed me to work and lift weights. Part of it was finding something that gave me some relief (which I can't share because it's not something that is legal everywhere) and honestly just getting lucky with my chronic pain easing up a bit.

Even though I do lift now, I do have to skip a lot of sessions if my body isn't doing well. I'll skip a week when I'm in rough shape if needed. There are also a lot of exercises I stay far away from to try and stop the really bad day flare ups from happening.

Mostly when I exercise I try my best to keep my 1. heart rate down and 2. minimize stress on my chest. That means zero cardio, and zero exercises where I have to place weights on my body (like barbell squats for example). I stuck to exercise machines for the first few months of working out to ease my body into the movements and then slowly integrated barbell and dumbbell work in after that, but I still can't do weighted squats, deadlifts, dips, or run/cycle.

I find a lot of Drs suggest bodyweight exercises that end up having a lot of cardio elements to it (like pushups and jumping jacks or jump squats) and those just get my heart rate up too high. Using a machine I could control how much pressure my body was under and keep my heart rate down.

I can't lift heavy like I used to when I was healthy, so I use lighter weights and focus more on the movement, which is a little easier for me since I have a lot of weightlifting experience from before my chronic pain. Less weight means less pressure built up on my chest.

I also sleep A LOT to recover from exercising. I spend most of my day in bed. My life is pretty much 'Go to work, workout, lay in bed for 10-12 hours, repeat' which is totally fine for me but I know it might not be everyone's cup of tea.

I'm not sure what I have, but my chronic issue is chronic chest pain (usually manifests as like a growing pain, but over my entire chest) but my flare ups are a sharp stabbing pain that radiates from the center of my chest out. I also deal with shortness of breath, dizziness, and muscle weakness/lethargy. When I first developed it I thought I was having heart attacks which I'm pretty sure is not the case at this point. It's not the worst chronic issue ever but it definitely sucks.

Sorry if this is kinda rambling!

[fitgothgirl]

I keep not updating because it's just felt like more and more of a weight the longer I go since the stuff I'd update about just keeps accumulating/progressing. But I'm just going to triage some things since updating on everything has apparently become a barrier lol.

Dealing with my four infections (quadfection?) is wrapping up soon; I've been on a total of five antibiotics for over three weeks straight, but I'm down to my last one and it finishes on Saturday. Been worried about how fucked my system is after all these since I've never been on antibiotics for this long, let alone five different ones (or even more than ONE), but I'm trying really hard to help out my gut microbiome. It's expensive but I've been having a kombucha basically everyday, and I've gotten some prebiotic sodas as well. Also I usually have a Greek yogurt everyday, and just am generally trying to eat well with lots of fiber and water.

Weight loss/fitness gains have been on pause during this, or technically even longer since the 10 days prior to all this was when I was in Costa Rica. Rest is good for all the fighting/healing my body has been doing with the quadfection though. When I got back I did lift a few times since I wanted to get back at it after the vacation and it was before the infections/antibiotics were getting piled on, but then I had a 2-week break from lifting until the day before yesterday. In between though I DID do a Zumba class, which was hard and I'm sure I looked like a fool but it was fun haha (gotta start somewhere!). The class was later in the evening so even though Zumba is popular, there were maybe only 10 people in that class, if that, so that was nice. I always need more cardio and just generally want to incorporate more complex/dynamic movement in my workouts because solely lifting can be kinda like tunnel vision for your muscles. I want more "real" movement, stuff you actually do in life, stuff that uses multiple body areas, etc.

Anyway, not feeling down on myself about the break or anything, my body needs it and it's been good to reassess things now that I've been a Gym Person for over 6 months. A little shake up might be good as I get back into things soon here. Even with the break, I've been trying to at least get in walks; I haven't been successful with my step goal most days and walking is just so good for everything... We're at the time of year where the season changes from day-to-day lol so when it's been nicer out I've been trying to jump on those days (rain is back now through the weekend though).

One thing I didn't even plan to work on but have just naturally fallen into since coming home is my sleep hygiene. Since Costa Rica is 2 hours ahead of my time zone, not only did I lose a couple hours of sleep, but everyday we were up somewhat early on top of that. And so when we got home, I woke up earlier than usual before work (i.e. not one minute before I'm supposed to log on lol), and I've just been keeping it going since then. I don't start work until 8:30am and I've now been waking up anywhere from 7am-8am. This is crazy for me since I've never been even close to a morning person, but the vacation gave me a bit of a leg up and I've just been riding the wave. I'm really enjoying the calm start before work, and going out and getting some morning sunlight in my backyard at least for a few minutes (Andrew Huberman fan here lol). I've even done some little dynamic warm-ups while getting that morning sun, like knee raises, jumping jacks, arm circles, etc. And all this sleep hygiene stuff means I've been going to bed earlier too.

Yesterday was really nice so I got out for a walk. The last year or so, I haven't been taking pictures as much on walks/hikes, mainly due to just trying to be in the moment. But I don't want to never take pictures again lol so yesterday I made a point to take a few. It's the wonderful time of year where everything is green and it makes me feel like we're in Scotland or something haha; albeit a nice summer day if it were Scotland. It's normal for Californian hills/fields to be "golden" for like 9 months of the year and it's even a symbol of the state, but I just love the green. 🥲 But yeah I specifically thought "I'm going to take pics to share with my fellow tumblerinas" so I was thinking of you guys when I took these. 😆😋

Bottom left is a plane-shaped kite and his idol, a real plane 🥺 lol

[chaosciara]

I need to hear about your instagram crush 👀 🍿

oh my god jae I do not think you know what you’ve just opened by asking this of me😫are you ready? I could talk about this boy for HOURS!

let me take you on a Journey™️

so some things you need to know about me first:

1. my obsession with pretty boys (and people in general) extends far beyond me crying about them on tumblr (which I do quite frequently). ergo pretty boys tend to pop up on my instagram feed as fashion influencers, dancers, singers, pottery artists (this is a very large niche apparently?) and most frequently: gym goers.

2. now another thing you need to know about me: i DO NOT gym. beyond not being even remotely interested in it, I also have a myriad of joint problems (shoutout jana (@disappearsreappears ) for being metaphorical cane-babes together) and therefore going to the gym and doing cool gym stuff is not really an option for me. so naturally I don’t actively engage in gym content for gym related purposes, in any aspect of my life

3. but nonetheless because I love pretty boys, and THEY love gym, I get a lot of gym content on my Instagram.

4. another thing you need to know: I spend a clinically distressing amount of time on instagram. like if you think I waste away on tumblr, instags is at least twice as bad :/

5. that means I get through A Lot of content in one day. but, while I’m pretty liberal about what content I watch and engage in, I’m quite strict about who I follow. instagram is a nightmare of suggestions and recommendations in the home feed, the explore page, and the reels so the small amount of curation I actually can do, I keep under strict lockdown.

6. therefore despite having lots of fun seeing pretty boys in my reels and smiling ridiculously at the screen as they attempt to hit personal gym records for weird shit like russian deadlifts and bulgarian split squats, I don’t just follow every pretty human i see.

7. in fact, unless I really really like your videos (/content) and they surpass my usual serotonin boost I don’t care how many times you come up in my feed I probably won’t follow you.

8. one more thing about me: I have two instagram accounts — one I created in 2013 and has been on private and will continue to be on private since then (it’s my main Instagram where I follow all my people from). and the other I started in 2021 to post more of my chaos things > that one is public and full of nonsense and I don’t follow anyone from there cause I use it purely as an memory book of sorts (it’s linked on all my tumbles so I’m not linking here but the important thing is that it’s public so anyone can see what I post < that’s important for later)

okay onto my Instagram crush and (self proclaimed) love of my life 😫

scott ho (aka @/scottoho) popped up in my reels in January this year (I think it was jan it may have been the undefined time between dec and jan but I’m like seventy five percent sure it was jan) with this sinful video (I’d like to defend myself at this point and say not all, in fact almost none of, the gym related videos that pop up in my feed are this…slutty… though I’m certainly not complaining). and I was like oh my god he’s preetttyyyyyy.

but I didn’t follow him (see above) I just liked the reel and moved on. but (for those who managed to avoid the instags hellscape) interacting once with something on there will most definitely prompt an entire slew of that account’s (and other accounts like it) content. so over the next few days I got a couple more scott related gym videos.

usually I take about a month or more to follow someone if I keep seeing their content and like it. it took me two days to follow him😫I saw an arm workout, a leg workout, and my absolute weakness, a back workout

I was SOLD!

pretty boy ✅

shows us pretty back muscles✅

and one of his posts had him looking gorgeous in a baby blue sweater at a fucking art gallery✅ (lord I’m still unsure how I survive him)

now yes he was a pretty boy I followed but he wasn’t, at this stage my instagram crush. no, not yet. a couple weeks and many videos go by where I’m happy to see him on my feed and enjoy his content

15 jan (I know the date cause I sent his vid to a friend I was crying about it to) rolls around and a leg workout pops up. INSTANT LOVE. I don’t know what the fuck was in that video but I was GONNNEEEE about it. literally just tumbled head first into obsession

and that marks the day I started looking forward to see his content on my feed (clinically down bad at this point)

he then posted this video dancing to that adorable “sure thing” trend (“if you be the cash I’ll be the rubber band etc etc.”) and I melted straight into the earth’s core and immediately saved that video to my instags. I also went through the effort of reposting that video on my public instagram account purely so he would be able to see it! and he did! and he liked my story and I cried about THAT for about eighty five days

fast forward to me screaming shaking crying throwing up about him on a daily basis and telling my friend in LA she has to pack him in her suitcase when she’s coming back because I. NEED. HIM!!!! (she said she would but she also has my soju glasses and frankly those are still more important no matter how much I love him)

AND THEN: (cause no this is not over — I told you you opened the doors to hell)

he posted this video showing what he looked like before his workout (muscles less defined, skin not as flushed, so so gorgeous) and after (muscles more defined, skin a pretty pink, the most beautiful ever!). and the caption for the video was “before the pump and after the pump // can you tell the difference?”

and me (who is delusional but also forward as hell) commented: “pretty before, pretty after ✨” which he then responded to with “ur pretty during”.

JAE I DIED????!!!!!! HOW DARE HE DO THAT TO ME????? I FUCKING PASSED OUT!!!!!!

(and yes I know he was just being smooth with it and he defs has zero idea what I look like and he responds to lots of comments etc. etc. but love is delusional and I’m obsessed so I will continue to live in fantasy world)

anyway that comment (and his reply) got some attention (I’m still getting notifications about it which is extremely annoying does anyone know how to stop them?).

alas after this he posted a video where he and another influencer did a skit where they pretended to bump into each other by accident. it was very cute and I cried about it because the love of my life is in love with someone else what am I gonna do I can’t believe this😔😔😔😔I was in heartbreak central.

BUT after that I found out he played basketball (which is my favourite sport to watch) and I was back to WANTING TO MARRY HIM!

and then he posted a video showing his overnight oats recipe which I then reposted on stories with the caption “two meals in this video” which he saw and liked (when you’re in love those little instagram floating hearts really be giving you all the chemicals you need) (really at this point I’m just surprised my mother hasn’t called asking why I’m publicly thirsting over someone?)

anyway, I’m stocked up nice and full on my daily scott serotonin boost when a couple days later he posts a shoulder work out and I reposted that on my stories

(guys please understand I don’t follow him from my public account I really am so fucked I go through a whole process for reposting on the off chance he’ll see it UGH)

with the caption, “my only goal this year is to be so delusional I can pretend I’ll bump into @/scottoho on the street even though we live 10’s of 1000’s of km’s away from each other // it’s working btdubs (I’m so delusional)” which he REPLIED TO with: “maybe if you come to LA” and suddenly I had a notification from him in my direct messages 😫😫😫😫😫please I could not contain myself I think I crashed the metaphorical car . I was i n c o h e r e n t about it !!!

anyway after not recovering from that at all I am fully in the thirsting business when it comes to scott and I don’t see myself stopping until I get ignored because he got so popular he just cannot realistically reply to everyone (please that’s nightmare day😭😫) < can y’all tell I like attention?

ps. he posted the cutest ramble on his stories yesterday I watched it like seventeen times I can’t believe stories disappear I need to eat this man!

okay thank you for letting me take you on this journey. I hope you can understand I’m really going through it with him at the moment (because I’m fucking on crack and also delusional) and there will definitely be more tumblr posts where I cry about him (I can’t say I’m sorry)

mwah! sending love jae :) <3

[skyjynxart]

So June’s been... A Time.

Hello everyone! Firstly, I am posting this in more places than normal because I've actually gotten several (very sweet!) DMs expressing concern and I just don't have the energy to reply to everyone swiftly ;; So this is hopefully to help assuage some of those worries while taking up less of my limited brainpower right now- thank you so much for understanding!

Secondly, I wanna say that most of June has been fantastic! I did a lot of fun things and I'm over all very happy about the month as a whole, but my body isn't too pleased with me- there's a little more rambling about that below, if you're here for the TL;DR:

I've been slow/quiet, and I'm probably going to continue to be that way for a little bit! I will not be stopping work, as I can't afford to, but please be patient with me if I'm struggling to be chatty like normal! No need to read farther unless you'd like to know details about my health/personal situation, and I will not begrudge you at all if you wouldn't! And for the longer version:

( I'm very sorry if I come across as whiny, I don't talk about this often for a reason ;; )

Something I don't discuss very often, even with close friends, is that I actually live with chronic pain. I'm pretty well conditioned not to think about it overmuch, and to not even really think about it in those terms, but when looking at the "accurate pain scale" my standard day tends to be between 3 and 5- you can usually tell when I'm having a very good day and am more at around 1-2, because I'm extra productive. Typically, I blame this on my arthritis, however it's probably something more than that, as the arthritis is concentrated in my hands/wrists, but the pain is often in my entire body. I won't be finding out what it actually is anytime soon, though, because I'm self employed in America. hah

That said, starting from the end of May, I have been at a 5-6 consistently. The last week-ish, it has been at 7-9. Constantly. It's been hard to think, hard to move, hard to accomplish basic tasks. Picking up a pen or pencil hurts. Typing this hurts, not just in my hands, but all the way up through my elbows and into my shoulders. Today was a little better than normal, and I tried doing a tiny portion of my workout routine, and I regret it.

I'm sorry to the people I've fibbed to by offering other excuses- I know I have to a couple and it's just often easier to say "I'm tired and I don't know why".

My best guess is that this is due to air pressure changes- the weather has been all kinds of funky where I live as a result of the Canadian wildfires.

Regardless of the cause, generally, when I have days this bad where I can't really think properly, I will shift focus to the bare minimum of what needs done- if that's a commission because I need to keep up on my TDL, then I will endure a few hours with a pencil. If that's some household chores, I'll manage them very slowly. Unfortunately, such a prolonged string of bad days means I've utterly neglected anything 'non-essential'- which happens to include checking messages, responding to DMs, and... well, everything requiring brain function or body function except the bare minimum to feed myself and slooowly work through owed art ( blessings to you amazing, patient people who've waited on me ;; )

I'm trying- I really am, but this is a lot more prolonged than I'm used to, so I need to figure out new ways of coping. ( if anyone has any tips for bone pain that AREN'T taking a hot soak in the bath, I'd love to hear them, but you're not obligated! ). This is something I really hesitated to share at all- typically, discussing my health with people I know IRL results in a lot of dismissal, but I really feel it's best to be fully accountable and honest about this ( and maybe being honest with you guys will help me be more honest with myself about it ), so that I can communicate when I'm going to be quiet because I'm having health problems that are normal for me- seeing other creators talking about their health in an honest and open way like this has done wonders for how I think about my own situation, so maybe I can be that for someone else, too.

Anyway, sorry I so often seem to end up posting updates that are 5 paragraphs long- I should PROBABLY work on being a little less wordy, haha. Thank you if you read to the bottom, and truly, no worries if you didn't ( and are seeing this because you skipped to the end ). I'm doing my best and I'm going to continue to do my best for you. <3

[theperfectblonde]

I’m finally fucking free of that house. I’m just about free of that life. Starting today, I’m finally going to be able to work out and eat what I want when I want and not have people shoving food down my throat or telling me what to do.

My plan is this:

Weigh myself everyday, but not look at the numbers. I can’t bear to see what it is. When I look in the mirror and feel happy with what I see, then I’ll look at the progress I made.

Eat as HEALTHY as possible. I’m back in the country now so fast food shouldn’t be a problem. However fruits and veggies are still hard to come by so I’ll need to make a shopping trip asap.

DONT eat unless you’re absolutely starving ffs. It’ll take time to get used to because you’re used to being harassed every two hours to eat, but reduce your stomach size again.

Drink water whenever possible. Only zero calorie drinks.

Start stretching more. I finally have room to do it, so whenever we can loosen up the muscles, let’s do it.

Work my way up. Since my concussion a few months back and then playing Rapunzel for the last year, my body is weak as fuck and I’m yet again back at ground zero. You know the drill - consistency over pushing yourself too hard.

Which means walking every day - no less than 10,000 steps. Doesn’t matter when or how you get them - 10k a day is the bare minimum. Workouts do not count towards that.

Be ready for your best friends wedding in a month. Be ready for the rave of the summer in two. Even though I’m starting from zero, this is still the lightest I’ve been for a “highest weight” starting point in my entire life. It’s nothing you haven’t already done, and it’s not harder than living in a body you’re starting to hate again.

SW: ???

CW: ???

[keefwho]

August 21 - 2023 Monday

11:07 PM

Already I haven't been writing down my thoughts like I've been meaning too but I'll try again tomorrow. I mostly forgot because I didn't look at my schedule where I have it all written down.

This morning I was slightly worried about making a breakfast sausage burger because of my history with tummy aches but ever since pairing a serving of rice with it, I've been okay. So I'm happy I can enjoy breakfast sandwiches without having to suffer.

Stream was good, I didn't feel very confident with my warmups and I felt lethargic the whole time but I did my commission work and personal work. Afterwards I did my full Monday workout and started cleaning up outside of my door. I've been feeling very proactive about doing my part to keep the outside area clean even though I know I can't keep up with how much my parents make it filthy. However I deserve and have the ability to keep some areas up to my standards and I will exercise the right. I'm also starting an initiative where I pick up just a couple of my parents trash things a day and put them in my garbage can. Slowly over time I will make a dent in the junk that they don't want to get rid of and also won't notice missing.

Lunch was spaghetti and meatballs I made with elbow macaroni and I did a great job on it. My new measuring cup set came in real handy, I'm glad I bought it. I did my afternoon work in my friend's server VC as usual and had a good time. I seemed to be the topic of conversation a lot today, I hope I'm not getting preferential treatment just because I'm an artist. That's what it feels like because I wasn't really contributing anything but I was the center of attention a lot. They even ended up looking me up on e621 and streaming it for a little bit, looking at and questioning old work while also complimenting it all. I put a lot of extra work in today by working on my new world, I set a record for most hours spent creatively this month so far which is 5.1.

In the evening I began to get bored but luckily I wasn't for long because my bestie played Zelda with me and we talked about a lot of important things. I wish I had time to go over my opinions on a lot of things right now but I'm already past my bedtime a little bit.

I'm starting to make a dent in my self sabotage complex. I think the key is being so aware of it that I can't possibly keep doing it. Right now I feel good about consciously putting myself in favorable situations no matter how negative I feel about myself. It's getting much easier to tell when I am working against my own desires and I'm choosing not to keep doing it.

[fingfamily-blog-blog]

Blitar and the Work Week

In a few days I will have been here for 6 months. That's a milestone, and it means my time here is 60% done. I've repeated the idea "This will someday be over" enough that it really doesn't need to be said again, but with 4 months to go, this week I had an unusual feeling, that I finally have something to do that's worthwhile. Like, even though so much time has been wasted, so much trust destroyed, that I'm surprised I could feel positively at all. First, I'm coming off of two straight weekends of travel, to Bromo and then Blitar. And, as begrudging as I was about my experience at the middle school, those people came through with a nice shirt, and 3 million rupiah, as a gesture of thanks. Nice! Plus, I gave one of the middle school students my Instagram info, and about 45 of them have since followed me. And they like my pictures from around east Java, so that's been a boost too. About Blitar, I chose to go there because it's only a couple of hours away. I've made a connection with a driver (one of our guides around Java in December) and so he picked me up on Friday afternoon and we drove south and west through the rain and around Mt. Kawi to get there. I stayed at the historic Tugu Sri Lestari Hotel, which is one of three owned by a single family who are folk art collectors, and they decorate their places with fabulous old stuff, furniture, gamelan sets, kitchen utensils, wood carvings, wayang puppets, marionette puppets, and in this hotel an inspiring thirty-yard tunnel of banyan tree roots at the entrance. When the sun shines through the roots, so carefully cultivated, it's a rare sight indeed.  On Saturday we went first to Mt. Kelud, an active volcano, not as high as Bromo, so not as cold, but visually striking. The walk was super steep and a nice workout. And people noticed me, but nobody gathered around or asked for my photo. It was cloudy, but some blue sky opened up here and there, so I was able to get some good pictures. The lake at the basin of the volcano which last exploded only 5 or 6 years ago, was deep green, and the craggly rocks, bursting with green life, looked fabulous in the sun. There's actually a 100-200 foot long bunker there, if it so happens that the volcano explodes when you're there. I would not want to have to flee there, but if it saved my life, I guess it would be ok. It could also get plugged up on both ends, as well as the escape hatch in the middle, and it could be the place where you slowly starve to death. So, I'm glad I didn't have to face that! Later that day we returned to sea level and went to the Candi Penataran, a Buddhist temple from the 12th century. The excavation and restoration, though incomplete, are well done and it's one of the better old temples I've seen here. But the yahoos were out in abundance and I soon became the object of interest, with family after family approaching me (with guileless smiles, to be fair) asking to take my picture with them, with their children, with their husbands and wives. I've said before, this is a strange feeling. What could it mean for them to have a picture of me with their family? My driver, and teacher, Syaiful (Shy - full) tells me that they are proud to have met a "bule" (foreigner) and they will share the picture on social media and in their kampung (neighborhood). I appreciate his perpsective, and I tried to be patient, but when I see people gathering to line up and take a picture with me, I have a deeply-pained reaction - "I'm here to see this great historical sight. So are you! Don't mistake me for someone significant."  And it confirms my desire to stay away from fame as much as I can. Strangers freaking out when they see you is not healthy. Then having them approach you and claim some part of you that you never offered to them (and which you cannot understand the value of) is a cognitive dissonance to be avoided. To their credit, no Indonesian person has lashed out at me for turning away from them. But, the next day, I went to the Serang beach. It's a nice beach, big waves, a wide swath of sand (piled at the high tide line with dozens of sizable pieces of driftwood, and framed by fantastic rock outcroppings and pine trees, and I could tell right away that I would be hassled. So I walked as far away from the center as possible, and sat in the shade watching the waves. Even so, groups of young people gathered around me, looking over their shoulders at me, talking amongst themselves about the bule. I had sunglasses and a beach hat and I pretended they weren't there, wearing what I've heard called a "resting-bitch face." Still one young man came over and asked for a photo. I shook my head negatively. He said, Just one? I said nothing, kept the face on and shook my head. He relented. Later two younger boys paraded around me but I guess they were intimidated. One of them turned to me while his friend watched and flipped me off with both of his middle fingers. He laughed at his action, and I was tempted to run toward him and do something rude too. But it's not my world there. So, beautiful as the place was, I didn't want to be the monkey at the zoo. I left the beach after about 90 minutes. So I recommend Blitar for some things, like the Sukarno museum, archives, home and gravesite. But bule beware! Returning home, this week I was invited by Ibu Renzi, and Ibu Yusnita (my minder), to teach a workshop for students who are applying for a government-sponsored scholarship for one semester of international study. So, I had three sessions with about 25 students each and they are all keen on learning some basics and winning the award. That makes for an energetic classroom. I found myself sitting with Ibu Renzi and talking about my life and work here. She has many years of experience overseas and she asked me, "What do you do for your social life?" (My answer? "Nothing, but I'm not depressed.") And she was disappointed to hear how seldom I am used by the school. She suggested a Reading Club, and I have begun taking notes for Heart of Darkness.  I also spent more time with Ibu Yusnita than in a couple of months. She seems more relaxed these days. She even invited me to join herself and some other teachers at a neighborhood wedding! I ought to describe it in some detail, but we weren't there for more than 20 minutes, the bride and groom were not there, so it was more a social call than a cultural event, but still a nice change from the routine. And I spoke with Ibu Rahmati again. Previously, she had me teach one of her classes a pronunciation lesson. I wasn't all that happy with that, although I do it well enough. During our casual conversation she revealed that she had a misconception about me, that I was somehow an expert in pronunciation and ESL speaking, when I have no such expertise at all. Seeing her realize that she had it wrong made me more comfortable about working with her again, which she's already set up for this coming week. That she knows that she is using me outside of my range of strengths is better for both of us. Between these three teachers, I am less in the clutches of an administration which, as I've said before, is perfectly happy to do nothing with me. Talking with and working with the teachers directly has given me this feeling of being of some use for the first time in 6 months. And if that's the way it continues, at least I'll be able to say it was getting better when my time ran out. It wasn't all a complete waste of professional time. Also, my brother is due here in 6 days. He'll be staying with me in my home for more than two weeks. He is an international program worker and he's running a seminar for various locations in the Far East. So his bosses allowed him to come here and conduct his classes via Zoom from a more conducive time-zone. That will be nice, to have someone else in the house. to share my little world with my brother, with whom I am especially close. After two weeks, a third friend of ours will arrive here and we'll gallivant off to Bali for 10 days. So March has about it some fine expectation and some real adventure. After that, then I'll have three months to go. Time. How to perfect its use is the great challenge of life, as this little microcosmic interlude in Java has spotlighted.

[crazybigredlove]

15th August 2013

Dear Pete, 

Trained with Dylan before work this morning. Not sure if I've mentioned him before other than as my training buddy. We've been training for a few weeks now and he's helping to keep me on track. He's more of a heavy weights guy than CrossFit but sometimes I like that. Even though Jimmy made me sign that thing at the start saying that I would commit to three CrossFit sessions a week, he doesn't seem to mind if I do something with Dylan instead. It can get a little too much being in a big group some days. Anyway, Dylan messaged me late last night to check if I was keen and after I was done explaining to him that I am never keen to do anything, we set a time. 

It was dark and wet as I walked the few blocks over. The world was eerily quiet and it was no challenge to start creating morbid scenarios in my head about all the different ways psychopaths or supernatural creatures would probably kill me during my ten- minute walk. 

"Haven't seen you this early in a while? How're you handling it?" That friendly smile was on his face as we approached the doorway at the same time. Looking strangely alert for such an early hour, his smile was as contagious as ever. There was no flirting or pretence, just him genuinely wanting to know how I'm doing and pleased to see me. It was nice. Through his winter layers hinted an athletic frame and as always the sight of muscles made me smile. What can I say? I have a type. There was a coffee in each of his hands; with a wink he offered me one. "Figured you might need one of these. So what's been happening?" Hesitating, it was hard not to be aware of how much information could easily flow forth when you have a mouth that spills secrets without pause. Accepting the coffee I stumbled trying to find words. Big Red, Christopher, the job... Too much was going on to put into words and it seemed doubtful our friendship had reached the 'spilling it all out at 5am' stage of friendship anyway. 

"Oh you know me, boring as always. Not much changes in my world." "Sorry for the late message last night. I'd never messaged you before so wasn't sure if you were an early to bed kinda girl or not." 

"It's okay. I survived. Mostly." "You sure? I didn't do any permanent damage?" Teasing me, but still not really flirting. "I mean, I can check my diary entry from last night, but I'm certain beyond reasonable doubt that I won't find that yesterday's starts with 'Dear Diary, crying myself to sleep because Dylan messaged me late at night'. Besides, even if I did, I have a really good therapist." There's that second of terror which freezes me to the spot when I remember that my sense of humour is a little intense for people who don't know me that well and can make people uncomfortable while they try to gauge what's real and what's humour. Laughing softly to himself he seemed unfazed. "I thought I had more game than that. Today I thought we might just do some technique work. I know I'm not exactly a coach but there's some drills Jimmy gave me that I wanted to work through and seeing as you're a total rookie I thought maybe you might want to do them too? Promise you're going to get a workout." Peeking out at me from behind long lashes he looked almost nervous. "Rookie? Hey I have big plans to be world champion within a few months. We'll see who's the rookie then." "Don't we all," he said, laughing as always. "Every person in that room thinks they're going to be too." His eyes linger on my face. 

Is he flirting with me? 

"Oh I can handle a little competition." "You're going to need to bring your A game." "Believe me. I always bring my A game." 

Yup. We are definitely flirting now. Frick. 

We went through the motions. Talking, laughing, training, and yet not really giving much away. Hanging out like two normal people who don't really know each other, but who share a common interest. Exactly how guys and girls who only recently met should hang out. Future suitors, take note. 

That was my day mostly. Or at least that was the highlight. There is still no mention between Chris and I about what happened and with each hour that passes I do feel marginally better about it all in that I figure it's a thing of the past and we should probably just leave it there. Of course that may also be my fear of confrontation speaking... 

He was waiting up for me tonight when I got home. I'd spent the evening at the Starbucks down the road (Free wifi + caffeine + open late = Happy Liv) actually working on my manuscript. Yes, you read that correctly. I was super productive. By that I mean that I updated my Twitter, my Tumblr, and my Facebook. Yep, with all that stuff out of the way I am now ready to begin looking at my manuscript. Tomorrow. I'm too tired now. 

Also, why would your brother want my room? He's been dropping hints for weeks now. 

Liv x 

[harley-sunday]

August Rush [04]

Summary: You’ve known Carlos for almost as long as you have been working in Formula One but you never expected it would take you seven years and a concussion to realise that maybe you like him as more than just a friend.

Pairing: Carlos Sainz jr x reader (OFC nicknamed Pip) | Max Verstappen x reader (best friends)

Warnings: Language.

Word count: 4.3

AN: I know nothing about chess. Don’t hold it against me please. 

Masterlist

You and Carlos settle into an easy routine after that first weekend.

He gets up early and does his workouts, which has him either lifting weights, doing laps in the pool, or doing cardio which, you find out on Tuesday, is his least favourite. Then, after a quick shower, he spends some time on his laptop, going over data from previous races or talking to his engineers about possible changes to the setup of his car to prepare for the upcoming races. 

You sleep in a little longer than he does and usually get up around ten, your mornings definitely more calm than his are. Once you’ve made yourself breakfast you take your laptop and sit at the breakfast bar, answering emails and planning press events and social media posts together with the social media team. Pierre checks in on you almost daily and even Yuki sends you a few messages to ask how you’re doing. 

Lunch is made by you, using the list of foods approved by Carlos’ trainer as inspiration, and it tends to be a quite drawn out affair where you and Carlos talk about anything and everything while enjoying some time in the sun with Piñon never far away. 

You’re still struggling with fatigue on most days and so after lunch you either go back to bed or take a nap on one of the lounge chairs outside, while Carlos takes Piñon on a long walk. If you’re still sleeping by the time he gets back he gently wakes you, because well, you asked him to. You slept way too long on Monday and felt a bit out of it for the rest of the evening and so you quickly realised a two-hour nap is the max if you still want to be able to get some sleep at night. 

The rest of the afternoon is usually spent outside, with you trying to read the book you started months ago but never really had time to finish and Carlos playing some chess, dead set on becoming better at the game so he can beat Charles the next time they play. 

It’s what you’re doing now, you finally on the last page of your book and across from you Carlos letting out a frustrated groan when the game doesn’t seem to go the way he wants it to. You look up at Carlos who, with his head in his hands as he stares at the chessboard as if he’s trying to figure out his next move, is muttering a quiet, “Ai, ai, ai.” 

You can’t help but let out a laugh, “You ok there?”

He shakes his head and looks up at you, “I think I need to give up my queen to save my king.”

“Uhu, sure,” you reply, not sure what he’s talking about. You want to know though, want to know more about this game he seems so invested in, and so you ask, “Will you teach me?”

“What?”

You put your book down nod at the board on the table, “Will you teach me how to play?” Sitting up you point at the board and all its pieces, “I’ve never played before but maybe if you can teach me the basics?” He doesn’t say anything right away and all of a sudden you worried this might not have been a good idea after all and you quickly add, “It’s ok if you rather play alone, I just thought-”

“No. No, I just-” He smiles, “I didn’t think you’d be into chess.”

“I mean, I don’t know if I’m into it quite yet but-” you shrug, “-I figured it it might be fun for you to play against someone else instead of yourself? I don’t know if-”

“No, I’d like that,” he says, bending forward to gather up the pieces that have been taken off the board during his game. 

You watch him as he aligns them on the squares, white for you and black for him. When he asks you if you know anything about chess at all you shake your head, “Nope. You’re going to have to start at the basics.” 

He does.

***

“No! No, what are you doing, cariño?!” Carlos jumps out of his seat and puts his hands in his hair, “Why? Why would you do that?” 

You’re a little startled by his response to the move you just made with your rook and so you quickly let go of the piece and look from the board to Carlos and back again, “What do you mean? I moved my rook the way it’s supposed to? It can only move in straight lines, right?” You look at the notes you took during Carlos’ explanation earlier today, even more confused when they confirm your theory. 

“Yes, but-” Carlos points at the board and even though you try your hardest to figure out why he’s so upset you still don’t understand. He lets out a frustrated groan and sits down again, “You just comitted suicide.” 

You pull a face, “I- What?”

“Your queen,” Carlos says, nodding towards your piece as if that explains it all.

It doesn’t. Not to you anyway and so you look back at Carlos, a little enamoured by the sheer panic in his eyes and how serious he’s taking this. You try again, “I don’t understand.” 

“Your queen,” he says again, a little calmer now even though he keeps shaking his head at whatever deadly sin you seem to have committed. 

“Babe-” you start but then you hear the term of endearment slipping out and you can feel yourself getting a little flustered but Carlos doesn’t seem to notice and so you continue the best you can, “-use your words.” 

He looks at you then, really looks at you, as if he’s just heard what you called him, and you can see his cheeks turning an even deeper shade of pink than they already were. You’re not sure if you should say anything, not wanting to make this a bigger deal than it is, and so you keep quiet, waiting for him to make the next move. There’s a mischievous smile playing on his lips then and he tries to continue as if nothing happened but still he has to clear his throat before he says, “That rook was your last line of defence for your queen.” 

You look at the board, still not understanding what he’s getting at, “Isn’t my king the most important piece?”

“Yes, but-�� he takes one of his pieces, a knight, and takes out your queen, “-your king is completely unprotected now. See?”

You let your bottom lip roll between your teeth as you take in the new situation, trying to figure out if there’s anything you can do to evade checkmate. You point at your sole remaining bishop, “Can’t I-” 

“No,” Carlos shakes his head. “Only diagonally, remember?”

“Oh shit, yeah.” 

“It’s ok,” he tries, his voice now much more gentle, “it’s only your first game.” 

“Yeah,” you scoff and look at your watch, “and it took you all but thirty minutes to beat me.” 

“Hey,” he rounds the table and sits down next to you, his hand on your knee, “It’s not bad for your first game ever-” He chuckles then and throws you a wink, “Babe.” 

Fuck.

***

Carlos starts on dinner once everything has been cleared away and you find yourself playing fetch with Piñon in the garden in the meantime, the dog running around like crazy to get the ball back to you as fast as possible, while you try to figure out exactly what happened during the game of chess. Your telephone rings then, the ringtone letting you know it's Max, and it being Max letting you know it's seven pm because he has been calling you at the same time every day for the past five days. 

"Hi Maxy," you greet him with a smile.

"Hey," he replies, "how are you?"

"Good," you answer truthfully, taking the ball Piñon has brought you before you throw it again. "Haven’t had any more headaches. No dizziness either."

"That's good. You're still taking it easy right?"

"Yep," you nod even though he can't see you. "Carlos is teaching me how to play chess, which is about as exciting as it gets."

Max chuckles, "Chess? Really?"

"Hmm," you agree half-heartedly, "I lost the first game though."

"Ok, maybe it's time to start taking it a little less easy, Pip."

"What?" You laugh, "I thought you wanted me to take it slow? Make up your mind, Maxy." 

"Yeah but chess? I mean-"

"I'll see if he'll take me skydiving next week, ok?" Piñon nudges your leg and so you take the ball from him and throw it towards the edge of the garden.

"That's not what I meant and you know it," Max all but sighs and you can just about see the face he's making at your smart remark.

"I know," you tease. "There isn't really much else to do though."

"I'm sure Carlos can think of something-"

You have to bite back a witty remark and instead just say, "I'll make sure to ask him." When Piñon brings you the ball again you make him follow you back to the house, "How's everything over there?"

"Yeah, good." Max says something to Kelly then that you don't quite catch before he tells you, "We're about to leave for lunch so I'll call you tomorrow, ok?"

"Max-" you draw out, "you really don’t have to call every day anymore. I’m feeling much better and I promise to let you know if things change, ok? Maybe we could call again on Monday?”

He stays silent for a little too long and so you know he doesn’t really agree but then he sighs, “Yeah, ok.” 

“I could text you tomorrow and Sunday,” you offer.

“Let’s do that,” he agrees quietly. “So I’ll call you Monday?” 

“Yep. Love you, Maxy.”

“Ik ook van jou.

***

There’s no awkwardness during dinner after what happened at chess earlier this afternoon and you decide to take Max’s advice and ask, “Do you have to work out tomorrow and Sunday as well?”

Carlos has just taken a bite and so he shakes his head in response.

“I was just thinking,” you say as you play around with your napkin, “maybe we could do something fun?”

“What do you have in mind?”

You shrug, “I don’t know. Maybe you could show me around the island or-”

Carlos nods, “We could go to Palma or drive across the north coast, maybe visit Port de Sóller and La Calobra.”

“I’m up for anything,” you say with a smile. “As much as I love it here-" you wave your hand around to let him know you're talking about his place specifically, "-I’d like to see more of Mallorca.”

“You love it here, huh?” Carlos asks with a cheeky grin, his eyebrows raised at you.

“Are you kidding me?” You smile back at him, “It’s so peaceful here, so different from Monaco or Faenza-” you hesitate for a second but then quietly add, “it reminds me of home.” 

Carlos doesn’t say anything right away, just studies you with a smile until he nods, “That makes me really happy to hear.” 

***

Carlos chuckles when you let out a yawn just as you’ve buckled up your seat belt, “Not used to getting up early anymore?” 

“Not really, no,” you agree easily enough, pulling your sunglasses out of your backpack because even though it’s only eight in the morning the sun is already high in the sky. There’s an excited yelp coming from the backseat when Carlos starts the car and so you reach back and scratch Piñon’s ears, “Good boy.”

The only reason why you’re up this early is because Carlos said it would be better to get to La Calobra before all the tourists do, promising you the early-morning wake up call would be worth it. The navigation shows you it’s about a two-hour drive and so you settle in your seat and scroll through your phone to find an appropriate playlist, Carlos giving you DJ rights not long ago. 

“Let me know if I need to pull over in case you get sick, ok?” 

He sounds so sincere that you don’t dare to be offended by it and instead tell him, “Will do.” 

***

The drive absolutely flies by, Carlos the perfect guide and telling you all sorts of random information every time you pass a city or a landmark, and before you know it you arrive at the Embassament des Gorg Blau, a mountain lake that is an incredible blue colour, the water glistening in the sunlight. 

Carlos pulls over, both so you can take some pictures and so Piñon can stretch his legs, and you can’t help but marvel at the beauty surrounding you. When Carlos and Piñon join you again you nod towards a rock on the edge of the lake, “Go sit down, I’d like to take a picture of us.”

Carlos does as he’s told while you prop your phone up on the hood of the car and set the timer for ten seconds, making sure to get both the lake and you three in the frame. You rush back and sit down next to Carlos, leaning into him a little when he puts his arm around your shoulder, Piñon standing at your feet. 

The picture comes out great and you decide to post it on Instagram, figuring it’s a nice way to let your family and friends know what you’re up to. When you pull up the app, making sure you’re using your private profile and not the Alpha Tauri one, you add the photo and caption it

My private tour guide 🐶 And Carlos 😉

“Ready to go?” Carlos asks as he lets Piñon back into the car.

“Yep.”

“Keep your camera ready,” he tells you with a smile, “we’re about to drive down some amazing roads.” 

There are a few sharp twists and bends in the road already when he’s pulled out of the parking lot but when you reach the top of Coll dels Reis and see the road leading down to La Calobra you finally understand what he meant. The stretch of road is narrow and full of hairpin bends, sometimes so tight that you’re almost making a one hundred and eighty degree turn onto the next part of the road. 

“Wow,” you whisper quietly as Carlos starts the descent, navigating the narrow road with full concentration while you take picture after picture of the most amazing views. 

When you reach La Calobra after thirty minutes or so you let out a sigh of relief, not realising until then that you had tensed your muscles as much as you had. It isn’t until you’re out of the car that you can fully admire the view, a bay of clear blue water in front of you, surrounded on almost all sides by tall mountain peaks.

You wait until Carlos has put the leash on Piñon before you follow him to a trail marked simply with Torrent, falling into step next to him as you admire the views, “It’s gorgeous here.”

“Just wait,” Carlos says with a smile as he lets you pass in front of him through a narrow tunnel. 

You let out a gasp when you reach the end after a minute or so and see what’s in front of you, “Oh.”

“This is Torrent de Pareis,” Carlos explains, keeping Piñon close to him to let some other people pass. “It’s one of my favourite spots here.”

“Hmm,” you agree quietly as you spin around, the high mountains surrounding you an impressive sight. You stop with your back towards the canyon, taking in the view it offers you of the bay in front of you. When you turn back towards Carlos you find him smiling at you, “It’s beautiful.” 

He says something then but you don’t quite catch it and he doesn’t repeat it either, instead saying, “Do you want to walk around for a bit?”

***

The further into the canyon you go the less people you encounter and at times it feels like it’s just the two of you there and you’re not sure you ever want to leave. While the walk started out relatively easy it’s getting a bit more challenging now and you find yourself at a standstill when you have to climb down a large rock without anything to hold onto. The rock is a bit slippery and you’re unsure whether you should risk stepping down on your own, not forgetting the tumble you took last week. You’re trying to find another route but there isn’t really anywhere else you can go and so you call out to Carlos, who is a few steps ahead of you, instead, “Could you help me?”

“Of course.” He tells Piñon to sit and stay, dropping the leash onto the ground, before he walks back to you and takes your now outstretched hand in his, helping you down gently, one hand on your lower back to guide you.

You try to act cool, try to act as if it doesn’t feel like your skin is burning where he touches you, but when you step down you’re a little unsteady on your feet and all but tumble into him, the fingers of your free hand splayed out against his chest in an attempt to keep your balance. You curse quietly and look up at him, ready to apologise but the words seem stuck in your throat. 

He doesn’t move, doesn’t let go of you just yet, and instead looks down with a mischievous grin that changes into something else when he drops his gaze from your eyes to your mouth and back. 

There’s a million and one thoughts going through your head all at the same time but only one of them is coming through loud and clear. 

Kiss me.

Oh. Oh. You feel your mouth go dry at this sudden moment of clarity, a stampede of butterflies suddenly dancing in your stomach, your knees going a little weak, and it’s almost as if it’s all too much and there’s no way this can ever be real. 

Carlos raises his eyebrows at you in a silent question that you answer with a nod and a shiver runs through you when you realise what is about to happen. It seems as though time slows down, everything happening in slow motion, from the way he licks his lips to the fluttering of his eyelids as he closes his eyes and dips his head. 

Just as you start to stand on your tiptoes so you can meet him halfway, his nose already brushing against yours, a loud bark somewhere on your right startles the both of you and so you pull back. Carlos hangs his head and sighs before he turns around and looks at Piñon. The dog looks up at both of you, tail wagging, and letting out another excited bark now that he’s got your attention. 

Carlos shakes his head at Piñon and quietly mutters, “Bien hecho, amigo.” He looks back at you and shrugs, as if he doesn’t really know how to go from here either, doesn’t know if he can get the moment back or if it’s been lost forever, “Do you want to head back?”

You’re still a little speechless at what could have happened and so you just nod in reply and fall into step next to him as he leads you back to the car park. 

Both of you seem lost in thoughts and even though the silence isn’t necessarily uncomfortable per sé it does feel a little more charged than before, even more so when after a while Carlos’ hand brushes against yours a few times. 

You’re not sure where the sudden burst of confidence comes from but when he touches you again you take his hand in yours and intertwine your fingers together. If he’s surprised at what you’ve just done he doesn’t show it, instead looking over at you with a smile that you feel yourself mirroring without even thinking about it. 

***

He takes you to Port de Sollér next and you actually doze off a little on the drive over, the two-hour walk a little straining after a week of not doing much in terms of exercise. You wake up just as he pulls into a parking lot on the outside of the city centre and even though you’re not entirely sure what the right course of action is after that you try to not let it go to your head too much. 

“I figured we could have lunch here,” Carlos says as he lets Piñon out of the car.

As if on cue your stomach growls and you can’t help but laugh, “Sounds great.” 

This time it’s Carlos who takes your hand as you make your way to one of the restaurants on the main street, his thumb rubbing circles on the inside of your wrist and you’re not sure you ever want him to let go. He looks at you then, “Should we talk about-”

“Not now,” you tell him with an apologetic smile. It’s not that you don’t want to talk about it, it’s just that you’d rather do it after you’ve had time to gather your thoughts a little more. And somewhere private. 

He seems to understand and gives your hand a reassuring squeeze, “Ok.” 

***

After lunch Carlos takes the scenic route back and by the time you get back to his place it’s already late in the afternoon. He offers to take the trip to the supermarket that the two of you were supposed to go on this morning but skipped in favour of your daytrip, leaving you and Piñon to fend for yourselves for a little while with a pat on the dog’s head and a kiss to your cheek, “I won’t be long.” 

“No worries,” you reply with a smile. “I think I’m going to take a quick nap anyway.” 

Lie.

The moment you hear Carlos’ car leave the driveway you take your phone and send your best friend a text

911. Call me.

She calls you within thirty seconds, “Babe. Does this mean what I think it means?”

You feel yourself getting a little giddy, like a schoolgirl who’s about to confess her first crush, “If you’re talking about how we almost kissed today, then yes?”

“SHUT. UP.” She lets out a squeal, “Did you really?”

“Almost, babe,” you try but either she doesn’t hear it or chooses not to.

“Tell. Me. Everything.” 

You do.

***

“And so now you’re waiting until he gets back before you can have the talk?” She lets out a frustrated sigh, “I’m sure that’s not going to be awkward at all.” 

“I know. I know, ok? But-” you pause, trying to find the right words.

Once again she’s already a step ahead of you and offers, “You don’t want to jump into it right away?”

“Yeah,” you reply, grateful that she seems to understand. “I mean, like you said, looking back I guess you could say it’s been seven years in the making but-”

“I was just joking, babe.”

“I know, but still.” You don’t say anything else, trying to put your thoughts into words but not really succeeding, “It’s just-”

“Hey,” she says, her voice much kinder now, “I get it. It’s new and it’s scary and you might think it has the potential to ruin a great friendship but I don’t think it will. You’re both smart enough to not let it. And maybe it’s a good thing it took you this long to finally get to this point, right?”

You run a hand through your hair, “Yeah, I guess.” 

“It is,” she tells you. “This is not something you’re rushing into, right?”

“No.”

“Exactly. It’s ok to let yourself be happy and not worry about the consequences as much because I honestly don’t think there are any. Go for it, babe.”

You can’t help but smile, “Thank you.” 

“Anytime.”

***

You figure you still have some time before Carlos comes back and so you take a quick shower and change into a comfortable yet figure-hugging black maxi dress, before you make your way to the kitchen so you can feed Piñon, who’s already waiting for you next to his bowl.

You’ve just given him the ok to go for it when you hear a car pull up to the house and all of a sudden the butterflies are back, the hidden promise of whatever’s going to happen tonight hanging thick in the air. You let your bottom lip roll between your teeth as you watch Carlos walk into the kitchen, two grocery bags in each hand, looking a little rough with his hair sticking up despite the sunglasses he’s pushed into it. 

“Let me help you,” you tell him and take two bags from him, yearning for something to distract you from the sight of him. 

“Thank you,” he says with a smile before he puts the remaining two bags on the counter and starts unpacking them. 

The relatively small area in which you’re working means you’re never too far apart, a few times brushing past each other to reach a cupboard or the fridge. His hand hoovers over your lower back when he puts something on the counter next to you and you swear you can feel the heat radiating from where he’s almost touching you. 

“Carlos,” you tell him, your voice a little rough and a warning hidden somewhere in his name even though you’re not sure what it is you’re trying to tell him. You turn around and lean against the counter, immediately feeling the heat rise to your cheeks from the way he’s looking at you. 

He swallows hard and licks his lips, his eyes lingering on your mouth, “What is it?”

All of a sudden the words of your best friend, telling you to go for it, are stuck on repeat in your mind and really, there’s only one way to make them stop. You take a deep breath for some extra courage and look up at him and when he finally locks eyes with you and raises his eyebrows in a silent question, you smile a hesitant smile and say, “Kiss me.”

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Notes Ik ook van jou = (Love) you too Bien hecho, amigo = Great job, buddy

=====

Taglist: @shes-homeward-bound | @chiogarza | @oyesmendes​ | @thatchickwiththecamera​ | @sanne-p | @your-favourite-blonde​ | @internetgremlin

[odetojeons]

Until It Feels Like You’re In Heaven — Jeon Wonwoo

request:  Hello do you still take requests? Your writing is amazingggg!! Thank you for existing 😭💕. Can i req a whipped dom!wonwoo x fem reader where he has a size kink and a smol gf please? I think that will be a cute concept 🥺

tags: fem and sub!reader, dom!wonwoo, size kink, tattoed and pierced jeon wonwoo just because, oral (m receiving), unprotected sex (uh idk why but I never write sex with a condom help), established wonwoo x reader, a tiiiny bit of spitting kink, very light verbal humiliation, aftercare, this goes from fluff to horny really quickly, fluff if you squint (or not?), a frankly unrealistic amount of cum, OH AND, stomach bulge 🥴

a/n: so haha I am back? with more filth? I tried adding fluff (even tho I completely forgot that the person who made the request asked for whipped wonwoo, good thing this is always in my agenda every time I write so I didn't have any problems lmfao) but I'm too much of a horny bitch and a simp for this man so,, idk? tell me what you think later! I hope you all perish— I mean, like this!

Word Count: 7826

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⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ “Aren’t you going to help?” you question, lifting a brow at your boyfriend, who’s currently sitting in one of the chairs and supporting his chin with the palm of his hand, plate of onions that should be already cut laying untouched in front of him.

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“Nope,” Wonwoo answers, giving you that kind of smile which makes you almost, almost feel less annoyed at the fact that you’ve been trying to reach something in the upper shelves for the last five minutes and he doesn’t move his ass to help you at all. “You’re just too cute trying to reach something.”

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There’s heat creeping up your neck, cheeks tinting red, and Wonwoo's smile gets bigger, shining and full of fondness. It leaves you stunned in silence for a while. It’s hard not to be in love with him. But it’s not like you try anyways.

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“J-just hurry up, aren’t you hungry?” you cough, looking away solely because you can’t stand the warmness in Wonwoo’s face without feeling like you’re going to combust any time soon.

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“I am. I can help you out,” he states simply, but doesn’t make a move. You gesticulate with your hand, pointing at him and at the rice jar in the upper shelf. “But only if you say please, though.”

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“I’m—” laughing incredulously, you roll your eyes and cross your arms over your chest. “Would you please get the rice jar for me, sir?”

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀  ⠀ 

Wonwoo stares at you for a second too long, eyes a bit dark, and gets up to get the jar, without breaking eye contact. You instinctively make yourself smaller when his bigger and broader frame hovers over you, large enough to swallow your tiny body. The size difference has always been something you both feel incredibly turned on by.

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“So small,” he appreciates, always does, and your neck burns from the intensity of your blushing. “The cutest.”

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

Wonwoo puts the rice jar in your hands, the darkness in his face melting into a beam.

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“Here it goes, little girl,” he says, going back to his chair to complete the task which he has been doing for at least ten minutes now. The way he says little girl has you dumbfounded, heart hammering against your chest. “Are you just going to stand there? Do you like being called little that much?”

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“Shut up,” you admonish, blushing furiously as you turn on your back to continue what you were doing.  You just hate how everything Wonwoo does affects you so much. You’re sure this must be bad for your health.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

The two of you continue your journey through cooking and eating after you’re both done with the preparations. Things with Wonwoo are always so easy, everything feels natural and domestic and the bubbling feeling of happiness you feel whenever you’re with him lulls you to fall in love with him even deeper than before.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

The way he teases you when you’re clumsy and spill sauce over yourself, but still cleans you up with the most fond smile ever, like you’re so completely adorable he can’t help himself. Or when you put more salt in the food than you should and you know it’s not that good, but he still compliments it and tells you he loves it so much, the sincerity in his eyes makes a surge of something pull at your lower stomach.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

If Jeon Wonwoo isn’t the love of your life, you don’t know who is.

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 ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

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But right now you just want the ground to eat you alive and swallow you whole, because you’re standing right in front of the bed. The one bed. To which it suddenly doesn’t look big enough, not as you remember.

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Well, it’s not like you have never shared a bed before, you have even had a shit ton of sex in this exact piece of mattress, but the thing is, it’s been a while since you last saw Wonwoo. His job required him to spend three months away, and this is the first time you came to his house ever since he came back two days ago.

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You consider throwing yourself out of the window and into the dark, miserable night, thinks your poor heart will explode otherwise.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀  ⠀ ⠀

“I’m not going to eat you.” Wonwoo’s voice carries over from the bathroom door, startling you into action. You jerk toward the bed, jumping on it and face flushing. You had showered before him, now dressed with one of his big shirts.

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It fell all the way to your mid thigh, the size difference between the two of you making you almost drown on the fabric of his clothes. It smells nice, smells like Wonwoo, and your cheeks burn when he drinks the sight of you in with dark eyes, not even trying to hide.

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“Unless you want me to,” he adds, not helping your situation at all.

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BSHANDJAJSND?, your brain supplies.

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“Oh my god,” you admonish, yanking the blanket off the bed and just as you get in, your eyes hone in on the ink swirling up Wonwoo’s right biceps. You have seen the tattoo through the pictures he sent you before, the snake crawling up to his shoulder, head stopping at his right chest.

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This is, however, the first time you’ve seen the metal bar through one of Wonwoo’s nipples — to which you already knew the existence of, but looking in person is totally different —, heat winding in the pit of your belly as you realize the snake is looking right at that same nipple. Unfortunately for your poor heart, he’s wearing nothing but a pair of sweats, hanging low on his hips, slim waist on display.

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Wonwoo is… hot.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

There’s no other way to put it despite your best efforts. He looks like one of those Greek statues, rippling muscle and hand carved abs, the cut of his jaw too sharp to be real. Your mouth waters and you can’t look away.

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And Wonwoo has been changing. He always had the thin type of body, being slim and tall, but in the end of last year he started exchanging the lazy hours he spent gaming with animated workouts at the gym — something about the way he was wasting his precious time of life and he could be acquiring knowledge and being healthy instead of sitting in front of a computer for hours —, and holy fuck if the result wasn’t quite the damn view.

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You draw the blanket right up to your chin, back very purposefully to Wonwoo’s side of the bed as you’re still trying to stop the mild heart attack you have going on. You don’t want to see him climbing into bed for safety purposes but that doesn’t mean your heart rate doesn’t spike up when the bed dips. When Wonwoo settles down under the same blanket, your brain very enthusiastically — and meaningfully — points out that you’re only a few centimeters away and that there’s nothing separating you.

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His abs flash behind your eyes and you nearly throw the blanket off, ready to storm out of the room and sleep on the sofa instead. You let out a breath you don’t even know you’re holding when Wonwoo flicks the flight off, the room disappearing into darkness, before he turns on the red leds from under his bed.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

You feel warm all over with the fact that he still remembers you don’t like sleeping in complete darkness.

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You try not to tense too much when he drapes an arm around your waist, locking you in. Your legs tangle together as he adjusts himself better, the other arm coming behind your head to serve as a pillow. Now you’re not only dying from the closeness but as well essentially drooling over the bulge of his thick biceps.

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Congratulations universe for managing to make you even more desperate.

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You’re not sure how long you just lie there, staring out the window, unable to fall asleep. Your brain doesn’t want to shut off, a blaring alarm of Jeon Wonwoo going off in your head.

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“I missed you so much,” Wonwoo says as if he read your thoughts, voice soft and filled with warmth, and you find yourself immediately melting in his arms despite your nervousness. “Thought I was going crazy without you, munchkin.”

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There’s a hard squeeze in your heart. You just love so much when he calls you that.

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“Missed you too,” you admit with a smile, the tip of Wonwoo’s nose dragging through your hair as he inhales the smell of his own shampoo. “Missed your smell.”

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“Just my smell?” Wonwoo teases with a light tone, caressing his free hand on your inner thigh. It was supposed to be a feather-like gesture, but the closeness between the two of you made your body oversensitive, and you find yourself moaning softly as your skin rocks with a shiver.

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Wonwoo tenses immediately when he hears the sound, hand stuttering to a stop. There’s a beat of what you call the most painful silence you ever had — your mind swirls with the thought that you just ruined the mood, face heating up uncontrollably at your own neediness —, before his fingers sink into the flesh of your inner thigh, startling you with the strength behind his grip.

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“Answer me.”

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You whine louder this time, the realization of his change of tone going from fond to an irrevocable order sinking wanton deep within your lower stomach. You try to close your legs, but Wonwoo’s leg stops you where it rests right in the middle of them, dangerously close to your throbbing core. You wonder if he could feel the heat emanating from it.

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“N-no,” you begin, voice already shaken up. Wonwoo’s breath caresses the helix of your ear, making goosebumps surge all over your skin. “Missed y-your bed too.”

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“Is that so?” he hums, chest vibrating where it presses against your back. “What else, munchkin?”

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“Missed—” your voice gets caught up in your throat when he licks your helix, teeth pulling the lobe of your ear. The soft drag of his lips all over that place is making your job difficult. “M-missed all of you, hmmm.”

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Wonwoo hums again, pleased with your answer, and leans so close to you your body gets half pinned to the bed. This way his bigger frame completely engulfs your smaller one, the difference between your sizes getting even more overwhelming now that he’s bulked up.

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And you’re not the only one affected by it, because as soon as Wonwoo realizes how he almost swallows you up in this position, he downright moans right by your ear.

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“So fucking small,” he tells you appreciatevely, voice one octave lower as his fingers presses on your inner thigh harder. “Missed touching you.”

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There’s a shift in Wonwoo, his leg rising up between yours and stopping centimeters away from the heat of your cunt, and you can’t hold back the shiver, wants Wonwoo to press down there. When you attempt to slide Wonwoo’s hand up and off of you so then you could turn around, you’re met with a growl instead, Wonwoo bodily pinning you to the bed.

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“Where do you think you’re going?” he asks, and it makes you feel like you’re a prey just ready to be caught by the big, bad wolf. You whine softly at that thought, hand coming to grab at Wonwoo’s wrist reflexively.

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“Wonwoo,” is your answer, like that would explain everything. Wonwoo chuckles softly, embarrassment burning on your cheeks.

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“When we called and I saw your face,” he says, barely above a whisper. “I wanted to fuck you so bad.”

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Suddenly, you can’t remember how to breathe, Wonwoo’s mouth on your neck, planting a soft kiss just under your ear. He nuzzles into the same spot, kisses lower and your heart shakes loud enough you think the neighbors might hear, hyperaware of every inch of your bodies touching.

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“I know I couldn’t, so I did it all from behind,” Wonwoo admits, sending your mind into a little haze. Of course he has been jerking off to the thought of you, but hearing him say it out loud has your panties getting soaked. “Sticking my dick in…”

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Wonwoo hasn’t stopped nuzzling you, in some kind of daze as he inhales your scent. There’s a hand on your hip now, holding you down, liquid heat pooling in your belly, spreading outward.

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“…and fucking you mercilessly…” he continues, voice getting deeper and rougher with each word, his breath labored. “…and watching you cum endlessly… I thought I would be fine just imagining it.”

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“W-Won—” you start, breathless, the sound of your own voice sounding so airy leaving you embarrassed. But then finally, finally he presses his thigh into your core, your hips immediately going down to rut hard against the muscle.

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“Fucking drenched,” Wonwoo snarls lowly when he feels the wetness of your soaked panties dirtying the fabric of his sweatpants.

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The sound makes you writhe on the bed, fists balling in the mattress.

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“But seeing you, so small…” the trace of Wonwoo’s hand in your skin is light, almost like a gentle whisper as it makes a burning path up, up, up until it stops by your neck, fingers closing softly around your throat. “Makes me want to rail you, carve the shape of my big cock inside your walls.”

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Wonwoo’s teeth sink into the skin just at the base of your neck. It’s hardly a bite, you know he could leave worse, but then Wonwoo laps at it afterwards, tender, surrenders you into moving your hips obscenely on his thigh. The way he says, knows his cock is big has heat licking your insides, and if it were anyone else saying the same thing you would be cringed, but there’s just something special about Jeon Wonwoo doing this that makes him look like the hottest man alive.

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“You’re addicting,” Wonwoo admits with a growl, the feeling of his touch turning possessive as he helps you ride his thigh better by a hand on your waist. “Once I get a taste I can’t stop myself from wanting more. Wanna have my way with you until you’re all mine.”

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Need seeps through your bones, body trembling as you try to scatter the air it has been knocked out of your lungs when Wonwoo fits his cock in the curve of your ass.

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“Y-you’re hard,” you comment, as if it’s not obvious, but it has been so long since the last time you felt his bulge pressing against you that it makes you desperate. “You’re so hard.”

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“Who’s fault do you think it is?” Wonwoo questions, groaning when you sway your hips from side to side on his cock.

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“Can we…” you trail off, hiding your face in the pillow. “Y-you know?”

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“Nope, you gotta be more specific,” he says with a teasing smile, and you smack him in the arm. Wonwoo laughs before his voice gets serious. “Say it.”

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This switch of him turning on and off between a sweet boyfriend to the man who doms you never fails to give you a whiplash.

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“Can we— Can w-we fuck?” you ask shyly, wanting the ground to swallow you whole. You have no idea why you are being this shy.

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“Hmm, it depends,” Wonwoo hums like he’s considering the options. You turn to look at him, mortified, but he only laughs at your indignation. “Are you going to be a good girl for me?”

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You blush furiously at the question, face turning to look away as you mumble a yes, but then Wonwoo’s grabbing at your jaw and yanking your head back in place until you’re staring right in the deepness of his eyes, the intensity of them stunting you into complete silence.

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“Look at me when I’m talking to you,” he orders, leaving no room for arguments, and you nod your head quickly at that. “Out loud.”

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“Y-yes,” you hurry to obey, watching satisfaction curl all over his face. “‘M always a good girl.”

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“I don’t think so, munchkin,” Wonwoo grins, wicked and teasing, and you brace yourself for whatever is going to happen this night. “Sometimes you’re so desperate and impatient you can’t even wait for me before fucking yourself with those plastic toys of yours.”

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“Wonwoo,” and you’re unable to look away even when shame burns all over your body. “H-how did you—”

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“How did I know?” your sentence morphs into a moan when Wonwoo presses his thigh so hard against you cunt it has your body jumping a little. “You think I wouldn’t feel how you’re more loose when I fucked you? You think I don’t notice the way you look at me?”

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Wonwoo is mercilessly dragging your hips up and down his leg, your whines sounding high and sweet in your own ears.

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“You’re oblivious even to yourself,” he tells you, tone rough as he ruts against your ass. Your heart lurches in your chest, Wonwoo’s words like a hot coal in the pit of your belly, erupting into flames. You want to squeeze your eyes shut, cunt pulsing with arousal. “Even today, the way you were staring at me…”

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But then, Wonwoo’s touch is gone. His hands leave your hips, thigh frees you from the pressure, and the warmth seems so far now. You turn, complaint already at the tip of your tongue, but Wonwoo’s faster, rougher as he manhandles you on your back and hovers over your body, caging you in with his arms.

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“You looked like a prey who has just been caught into the wolf’s den,” he smiles at you, wicked and cruel as he grabs your jaw and pushes your head back. “Like you wanted me to break you in until it feels like you’re in heaven.”

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There’s a breath against your bare neck, his groan hitting your skin when he bites it.

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“Or eat you up until there’s nothing left in you that doesn’t belong to me,” you’re definitely not expecting the moan that escapes Wonwoo’s mouth, so affected and deep it’s got all the hairs in your nape standing up, every fiber of your body telling you to submit. “Fuck, and it turns me on so much.”

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

You make a sound out of neediness, hands reaching for Wonwoo. He goes easily, body pressing into yours as he crashes your lips together. Wonwoo kisses you like he wants to conquer you, licking into the seam of your mouth and teeth scraping at your bottom lip just so he could soothe the pain later with his tongue. Your head spins with the intensity of it, it’s messy and there’s too much spit and teeth, but that only makes it even more addicting.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

But Wonwoo doesn’t kiss you enough today. He almost never does when he’s feeling like that — possessive, mean, wicked even, when he needs you to know your damn place —, wants to ebb the pleasure away when you’re starting to get hotter until it’s replaced by pure desperation and you can’t do anything else other than beg for him to give in to you.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

So that’s what you do, staring up at his eyes trained on you as if you’re a prey.⠀

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“Please,” you start, voice caught into a moan when Wonwoo’s fingers sink into your jaw and his mouth falls ajar, like the sound of you saying this particular word gives a physical stroke to his cock. “P-please, fuck me. Wanna— Wanna belong t-to you.”

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

And that’s enough. That’s enough, that’s enough, Wonwoo wants, you want, and he’ll give that to you since he has always been a weak man for your begging. There’s a fraction of seconds that he thinks he might pass out with all the blood rushing from his head to his other head, cock throbbing in his sweatpants.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“Don’t know how so much eagerness fits into this little body of yours,” Wonwoo murmurs against your mouth, his hand squeezing your face. You find yourself parting your mouth open, whining, pliant and overwhelmed as Wonwoo slips his tongue in again, kissing you filthy. The scent of his familiar cologne is so sharp, surrounding you and leaving your mind dazed until all you can think is Wonwoo, Wonwoo, Wonwoo. When he pulls back this time, Wonwoo pushes his thumb into your mouth, eyes half-lidded as he watches you swirl your tongue around it, sucking it further into your mouth.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

You moan around it, watching Wonwoo’s every reaction, the way his breath hitches, shoulders tensing. There’s a shift on the bed, Wonwoo moving up and up and up and you can’t breathe because now the bulge pressing against the fabric of his clothes is standing proudly right in front of your face, Wonwoo almost straddling your chest. You let the realization that he’s going to fuck your mouth sink deep within your core, and try not to show how deeply affected you are by the idea.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

You fail, of course, hips lifting off of the bed and falling down again, biting around the finger inside of your mouth that keeps you from taking a better look in the place you are dying to see.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“That desperate to suck me off, baby?” Wonwoo asks, and you flush, hate how you love the humiliated burn, how it makes you wetter. You’re too embarrassed to throw something back at Wonwoo, gaze dropping to his erect cock the best you can. He pushes your head back up, making you look at him instead. “Do you wanna see it?”

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“I do,” you reply, a little too fast for your own good, and it only serves for Wonwoo to laugh at your neediness. You debate if you’re as red as you think you are, the burn in your cheeks spreading all the way down to your neck.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“Are you sure you’re ready for that?” Wonwoo’s tone is almost condescending, still playful, like he doesn’t think you can even handle the sight of his cock, and you like how it makes your cunt twitch and ache. It’s as if you enjoy the belittlement, enjoy the way Wonwoo wants you to prove yourself.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“I’m,” you start, swallowing, “I’m ready.”

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

Wonwoo’s smile is a touch dark, nearly a sneer, but his hand leaves your mouth to hook a thumb in the waistband of his pants. You nearly drool. He pulls on the fabric until his cock is free, slapping against your left cheek and smearing precum on your face. Your head spins, realising that even this part of Wonwoo’s body seemed to have grown bigger. Maybe it’s your imagination, haven’t actually seen it in real life for the past three months, but the thickness is intimidating.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

The best intimidating possible.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

Your heart thuds in your chest, unable to look away from his cock. There’s spit collecting on your tongue, embarrassment fighting against your desire to please. Leaning forward, you suckle the tip into your mouth, making a pleased sound when you taste the salty tang of precum.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

Wonwoo leans back a bit, wanting to assess your face better, and the taut lines of his body contorts in an even hotter way with the new position. You moan again, staring at the piercing in Wonwoo’s nipple and the head of the inked snake looking at it, and sucks on the head, tongue pushing along the underside. Your body throbs with your own heated desire.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

You wrap a hand around the base, gut twisting hotly when you realise you can’t even get your fingers all the way around — no matter how many times you notice this, they all make you feel equally needy. And you’re not the only one affected by it, Wonwoo’s hips kicking forward and cock thrusting inside of your mouth, the growl he lets out going straight to your core.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“Fuck,” he says, breath audible enough to echo inside the room. “I will ruin you.”

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

The confession has your body arching for a few seconds, sucking hard on the tip of Wonwoo’s cock until he’s moaning at the feeling. He takes a fistful of your hair, but you push against the hold so you could take more of it into your mouth.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“Quit it,” Wonwoo demands, your displeased whine making his hold grow firmer. “Do as you’re told or you might not get my cock at all tonight.”

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

He pulls you off, your pants loud and labored.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“Did I make myself clear?”

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“Yes, sir,” you add just for the teasing — but mostly because you want Wonwoo to punish you for making him lose his beloved control —, feeling pleased as you watch the clear change of expressions going on in Wonwoo’s face. His eyes darken impossibly more, eyebrows frowning and then there’s a hand on your neck.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

Your mouth goes dry as soon as his fingers close around your throat, body writhing and mind going into submission mode.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“Filthy little slut,” Wonwoo snarls, face suddenly close, and then he’s spitting into your open mouth and you feel like you will come very soon. You flinch, eyes shutting on reflex, and then moan. “Want me to punish you, don’t you?”

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

You don’t say anything, can’t say anything, but you hope the look in your eyes answers his question. It probably does, because there’s a tiny little smirk playing on the edge of Wonwoo’s lips before he kisses you, softer than you could ever imagine he would be in this moment.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“I love you,” he breathes, the sudden confession making a different kind of burn itch your throat. You know very well that when Wonwoo tells you that I’m the middle of sex then it’s because this will be a passionate fucking. One of those that he keeps your body so close you think you might become one with him, one of those he kisses you so gently one moment only to treat you roughly in the other, one of those he wants to make you fall apart, crumble and cry and even so, it will be full of love and care and sweetness. “I love you so much.”

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

Wonwoo doesn’t wait for your answer. Doesn’t need to, he knows your heart belongs to him.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“Say ah for me, sweetheart,” Wonwoo instructs and you obey, mouth hanging open, tongue out. Wonwoo slaps his cock against it, precum dirtying your tongue as the slap slap slap of his cock hitting your mouth fills the heavy air of the room. He even traces the tip over your upper lip, smearing precum along your cheek when he slaps your face with it before placing his cock right back on your waiting tongue. “Put this mouth to better use.”

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

You do, eager to do as you’re told after Wonwoo’s confession, blood singing from his praise and his disparagement alike. You sink down onto it as far as you can take it, nearly gagging when it hits the back of your throat. Wonwoo drowns out a broken “fuck” above you, stroking your cheek and moving further in the bed to lessen the awkward twist of your neck.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“You look so good with my cock in your mouth,” Wonwoo breathes, voice strained as you suck him off, head bobbing. He brushes your hair back, little groans and growls escaping him every time his cock hits the back of your throat, you swallowing around it, or when you speed up, fucking your mouth on Wonwoo’s length. “Such a pretty little cocksucker, aren’t you, sweetheart?”

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

You blush, heart hammering in your chest with the compliment, but he closes a fist in your hair and makes you stop all movements.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“Gonna fuck your mouth,” Wonwoo starts, holding your wrist with his free hand and putting your fingers above his thigh. You know that it means if you want me to stop, tap twice, and it makes heat coil in your belly. “until you gag.”

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

You moan a bit uncontrollably around his cock, legs kicking in the bed at the affirmation, and Wonwoo is staring at you with a look you can’t quite describe. It makes you ashamed of being so eager but at the same time proud of being his little cockslut.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

Wonwoo holds you in place, hips bucking into your mouth. He goes slow at first, wanting you to get used with the feeling because it has been a while since the last time you sucked him off. It is short lived, as soon as you look up at him and nod — the best you could with your movements being kind of restricted —, his thrusts turn sharp and fast, your jaw aching from how long you had Wonwoo’s fat cock in your mouth.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

You moan, one of your hands still working up and down along Wonwoo’s shaft as he fucks into you, tears beginning to prickle at the corners of your eyes. He falls a bit forward when you start gagging a little, throat convulsing around his thickness, and he sprawls his fingers in the wall for support.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“Fuck fuck fuck, shit,” Wonwoo breathes, voice gravelly, his grip in your hair getting tighter and tighter. Tingles spark down your spine, wetness pouring out of you and soaking your panties even more and you want so desperately to come, to be fucked, but you want to please him first.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

Wonwoo’s thrusts begin to turn erratic as he fucks your mouth, a growl erupting out of him on a particularly hard thrust, and then he’s pulling away. You look at him, mind in a haze, but still dumbfounded. His breath is labored and he looks like he’s having a hard time keeping together, hips thrusting into the air. It boosts your ego to see him this messed up because of you.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“Did so well for me, sweetheart,” Wonwoo tells you, voice strained from effort but still full of fondness, and you feel butterflies dancing in your stomach at the praise. It seems like he wants his orgasm to ebb away. At the look you’re giving him, he adds: “Wanna cum with you.”

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

You mewl at the thought, watching him position himself between your legs again and kissing you slowly. Wonwoo caresses your cheek with a gentle thumb, other hand tracing a feather-like path down your body. His fingers brush against your nipple, the whine you let out being swallowed by Wonwoo’s greedy mouth, and he sneaks his hand under your shirt just as his kisses fly to your neck.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

And then Wonwoo’s sucking. Hard.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

It caughts you off guard, hips lifting off of the bed and thigh pressing tightly against Wonwoo’s cock, his groan being muffled by your skin. He bites, suckles and kisses the particular spot underneath your jaw, so far up your neck you won’t be able to hide it, especially because it’s summer. And you feel warm all over, how he always remembers exactly your pleasure point, the place that has your head spinning with pleasure.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

Your hands fly to his hair, cunt throbbing with need when he tongues at the purple hickey, and it’s throbbing, pulsating with how hard he sucked. It leaves you breathless, not having time to recover when Wonwoo pulls your shirt up until he can get one nipple into his mouth.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“Wonwon, fuck,” you whimper, body oversensitive with all that has been going on, and Wonwoo growls at the nickname, hand coming to pinch your other nipple like he’s telling you how much this affects him. “Please—”

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

Wonwoo bites at it, tongue coming to soothe the pain later, and you’re sure the grip you have on his hair must be painful, but he says nothing; only looks more intent on making you moan. Wonwoo busies himself with sucking hickeys all over the place as one of his hands continues to descend down your body, thumb pressing in a spot by your hips that has your back arching and a desperate whine being pulled out of you.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

Down and down, his fingers then slips inside your penties, brushing across your clit so lightly that it has your whole body rocking with shivers.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

But then, Wonwoo’s body goes completely still. You feel him tensing under your palms, heat already flooding your face when you know he feels it, feels the way you’re already stretched open for him.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“You—” he starts but stops himself, pushing a finger inside for great measure. Wonwoo growls when he meets almost no resistance, face lifting from where it rests on your chest to look at you. “When?”

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

The intensity of his voice leaves your mouth dry.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“E-earlier, in the— in the s-shower,” you confess, voice quiet, and you can’t look away, Wonwoo’s eyes pinning you to your spot.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“Hah,” he states simply, a sound of pleasant surprise, and adds another finger inside. Wonwoo pushes them to the hilt, until his knuckles brush your pelvis. You moan, head thrown back at the sudden, but welcomed intrusion. “Acting all nervous around me but this is exactly what you wanted, isn’t it?”

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

He gyrates his hand, pushing hard and without mercy, right before he adds another finger, this time more slowly. It burns a little, his fingers way bigger than yours, but you love the slight pain.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“Did you come into my house knowing I would fuck you?” Wonwoo asks, knows the answers but does it anyway. He moves his hand a little, waiting for your to be more comfortable with the sensation of his fingers, but as soon as your frown turns upside down, Wonwoo has no restrains whatsoever, fucking into you fast and sharp. “Fingered yourself knowing that I would split you open on my big cock?”

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

You can’t even think straight, hips rising off of the bed, but Wonwoo holds your waist with his free hand and pins them down hard. Your upper body lifts with this, back arching and legs kicking everywhere as you can’t stop the loud moans slipping through your lips, doesn’t even care about the neighbors as your nails sink into Wonwoo’s back to the point it might leave tiny crescent moons all over it.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“Did you come back then?” Wonwoo continues, pace unforgiving even when tears well up into your eyes. He trusts you to use your safeword if needed as much as you trust him to use his. “Did you?”

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

You struggle to answer, voice being surrendered to moans and whines and whimpers and it’s hard to focus when he’s hitting your sweet spot with the tip of his fingers.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“Ah! Ah, hmmm, f-fuck, please Won— Wonwon,” you try, can’t even understand how you still manage to get red when you realise Wonwoo is looking at you with so much desire. The point you both most like about your relationship is that Wonwoo is the dom, but he knows you have him in the palm of your tiny hands. “I, ah, d-din’t. Di— Didn’t want to, fuck, please— c-come without you—”

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

Wonwoo pulls his fingers out at that, your cunt clenching around nothing as he goes lighting fast to take both of your clothes off, grab your waist and flip you on your stomach just as he reaches for the nightstand to grab what you know very well it’s a bottle of lube. He pulls your hips up until you’re face down, ass up on the bed, the hurry in all of this only sending desperation all over your body, and the sound of the cap being opened has butterflies in your stomach.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“Yeah? Fuck,” Wonwoo sounds a mess, fingers hurrying to close a fist on his cock and jerk it off furiously to spread the lube better, the wet head nudging against your rim. “Fuck, shit, I wanna fuck you so bad.”

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“Do it,” you beg. “Please.”

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

And who is he to deny what you want?

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

Wonwoo pushes inside you slowly despite his hunger, knows he’s big and there’s an alarming size difference between the both of you.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

Your hands clench into fists and it feels like you’re being impaled onto Wonwoo’s cock, going deeper than any cock you ever taken before. Tears cling to your lashes as a small jolt of pain runs up your spine, the lube easing Wonwoo’s way in. Overall you’re proud of yourself, haven taken him before, more times than you can count, and you accommodate his cock like a pro.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

Your chest heaves, no amount of air feels like enough as Wonwoo’s cock all but punches everything out of you. You’re biting at the pillow by the time the last of it pushes into you, a haze surrounding your mind because it feels so good.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

Wonwoo’s groan transforms into a moan once he’s buried all the way into you, hips flush against your ass and spreading you open so wide and so deep, you would think you might break if you didn’t know any better. You gasp, back arching downward as you take your time to adjust to the large intrusion.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

Wonwoo kisses your shoulder tenderly, waiting for you to grow used to the feeling. He can be rough when it comes to bed, but he always is mindful of you no matter how impatient and desperate he is. There’s this soft feeling going on inside you, mixing with your pleasure and it only serves to make you more needy.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

Wonwoo doesn’t move for a while, hot breath falling against your neck as he stands behind you. You feel surrounded — his scent everywhere, the pulse of the hickeys he carved on your skin, the press of his long fingers on your waist —, your submission for Wonwoo’s eyes only.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

You nod at him.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

A lick at your neck is all the warning you get before Wonwoo pulls out so very slowly, cock dragging against your walls and rim. It feels like forever, you whining at the sensation, and then you’re being slammed back into.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“Ah!” you gasp, eyes blurry as you struggle for air. You moan as Wonwoo drags himself back out again, and thrusts right back in and groans at the feeling. “Y-yes—”

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“So good,” Wonwoo growls, close to inhumane as he continues with that pace. “So fucking good.”

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

Eventually, Wonwoo doesn’t seem to be able to go slow anymore, thrusts turning sharper and harder, his pace unrelenting. You find yourself almost screaming through it, so overwhelmed by the size of him — a good overwhelmed, the best overwhelmed —, but the way you feel so full and the exponential pleasure leaves you numb to any other thought.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

Wonwoo, Wonwoo, Wonwoo, your mind seems to chant, fucked open mercilessly by your boyfriend.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“Taking cock like a pro, aren’t you, sweetheart?” Wonwoo says, stops for a second, adjusts his hips, and then slams back right into your sweet spot, like he knows where it is by heart. Your body lurches forward, bed slamming against the wall. Hands reaching to hold onto something, you scramble against the sheats until one of them fists it and the other holds the pillow for dear life. “You’re gonna wake the whole hall, screaming like that.”

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

You have enough of a decency to feel ashamed about it, but it’s not like neither of you actually care. If anything, Wonwoo fucks you harder, hips jamming inside you until your throat hurts from all the noises you’re making.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“Please, p-please— I wanna— I h-have to— Fuck, ah!” you’re not even sure about what you’re begging for, Wonwoo pulling your hips to meet his thrusts half way. You love this, feeling like a ragdoll, being thrown around and only able to take what he gives to you.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“Good little girl,” Wonwoo croons, his voice rough. Your skin glistens with sweat, the shimmering red light reflecting on it. “Looking so beautiful taking my cock.”

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

You’re not sure what compels you after he says that but you reach down, hand smoothing down your abdomen because you feel like Wonwoo is spearing you open. But you go completely tense, squeezing Wonwoo so hard he stutters with a moan, because under your palm there is the outline of his cock protruding against your lower belly. The feeling makes you so overwhelmed that you can’t hold it in, whithe pleasure flooding you as you end up coming, eyes rolling to the back of your head and you’re crying all the way through it.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“You’re coming?” Wonwoo deadpans, sounding surprised and angry at the same time. “Holy shit, you’re coming untouched and without my permission? What were you think—”

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

Wonwoo’s complaint immediately dies down when you bring a trembling hand to grab his wrist and put his fingers in the cause of your orgasm. There’s a beat of silence, the both of you completely still, and then Wonwoo is growling the most animalistic growl you ever heard him do, the sheer intensity of it rocking all the way to your bones. He presses his hips so tightly into yours it has you sobbing.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“Fuck,” it’s all he says, tone two octaves lower and sounding dangerous, doesn’t even have it in him to punish you. “Fuck.”

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

It’s like the caged beast he keeps so carefully locked deep within himself started to surface. Wonwoo pushes your head down on the mattress, the other hand still on your belly. He pulls out until the tip and then slams back inside, as hard as he can, and you downright scream at the feeling, the oversensitiviness adding up to your pleasure.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

There’s another few seconds of silence, and then Wonwoo is fucking you brutally. His moans echo through the room, so completely desperate that it has you wailing, sobbing, crying desperate pleas for more.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“Look at that,” Wonwoo says, hand pressing harder against the bulge in your stomach. “Pushed my big cock into you until your insides were forced to make room for it.”

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

He grabs your arm and yanks you up, your back pressing against his chest and an arm circling around your waist. The other comes up to squeeze your left breast as you practically sit on his thighs. You moan at the feeling of his pierced nipple dragging against your skin every time he fucks up into you, your body only held in place because of the firm grip Wonwoo has on you.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

Sobbing, you feel like you’re losing yourself in the sensations, Wonwoo’s cock pounding into your cunt and his voice by your ear and the burn of his hips hitting your ass — by now it must be all red, the marks probably going to linger for some time. You can’t hold yourself together anymore, mouth open and drooling, tears clinging to your lashes, staccato moans falling from your lips that break on every thrust. You’re limp against Wonwoo, can’t even fuck back, letting him have his way with you.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“Drooling all over yourself for my cock,” Wonwoo says, fucks in deep against your sweet spot and mouths at the side of your neck. “Because of me, right? Tell me.”

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“Y-you— yours, yours, please,” your head falls back on his shoulder, hand pressing tightly in the shape of his cock in your stomach, and at this point you don’t even know what you’re doing anymore.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“I’ve broken you in, fuck.”

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

And he did, really. He has broken you in, has you crying on his cock.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“You belong to who?” Wonwoo pressed his hips flush on your ass, grinds hard enough for your body to be sent forward. A short few seconds so you can take a breath — or at least try to. “Hm? Who’s fucking you this good?”

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“W-Wonwoo, Wonwon, you, please,” you cry out as he starts to fuck you mercilessly again, the brutal pace punching moans out of you. “Ah, ah, ah, p-please, haaah, I’m y-yours— yours, b-belong to, hmmm, to you only, please!”

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“Yeah,” Wonwoo echoes, thrusts turning erratic and groans morphing into moans. “Mine.”

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“I can’t — I’m g-gonna—”

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“Come for me.”

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

And it’s enough for you. Your muscles tense, toes curling as hot, white pleasure surges through your body and floods you until you fall limp on the bed, hips only up because Wonwoo is holding them tightly. You clench around his cock involuntarily, his groan muffled by your hair and he’s coming, Wonwoo’s cock twitching inside you as thick spurts of come fill you to the brim. They seem to be endless, his spunk filling you up until it’s dripping out and down your thighs.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

You don’t remember much of what happens later. Your mind spins and then you fall into a most needed slumber.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

You wake up a bit disoriented, having no idea how much has passed since you fell asleep, but you realise you’re all cleaned up and dressed, head resting in Wonwoo’s — thankfully, for the sake of your precious pussy — clothed chest as he uses his cellphone. He smells clean too, hair still a little bit wet, and you smile thinking that the shower you both took before going to bed was useless.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“You’re up?” comes Wonwoo’s question when he feels your lips moving against him, placing his phone somewhere on the bed and circling his arms around you. You move your head, looking up at him with fondness.⠀

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“Hey, baby,” you breathe out, reaching to peck him in the lips once. He smiles, that kind of smile that leaves you breathless with love.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“Hey, my love,” Wonwoo laughs when you blush at the pet name. It’s so sweet and endearing, you always feel warm whenever he says it. “I see you still get all red when I call you that.”

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“Shut up,” you swat at his arm, Wonwoo’s following laugh sounding like the best music you ever heard. “How much did I sleep?”

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“Not much,” he presses you tighter against him. “I think one hour? Something like that.”

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“Thanks for taking care of me,” you say, legs tangling with his and the smile never leaving your lips.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“Of course, my love. Always will take care of you,” Wonwoo nuzzles your hair and inhales. “Got kind of surprised that I managed to fuck you into unconsciousness.”

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“Wonwoo,” you mortify with a laugh, hitting his chest, but he only giggles at you. He giggles. Your heart might explode soon.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“What? Can’t I be happy that I pleasured my tiny girlfriend the way she deserves to?” Wonwoo says, and it sounds like a joke, but when you look up at him again to make a retort, the reverence in his eyes surrenders you speechless.⠀

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

He stares at you with so much admiration and love, like you’re the most beautiful thing ever.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“I love you,” you say instead, cheeks hurting from the way you’re smiling, and Wonwoo seems to be caught off guard because he’s blushing. Wonwoo’s blushing. He’s so cute you want to die.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

“Shut up and go back to sleep,” he coughs, pushing your head against his chest and you laugh at this shyness. “I love you too.”

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

Yes. The warmness of his hands, the beat of his heart, the rise and fall of his chest, the love in his eyes, the sweetness of his words — you missed everything about Jeon Wonwoo.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀  ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

[halstudandruz]

Gentleman in the Streets, Freak in the Sheets (NSFW)

*Not my gif*

Pairing: Kelly Severide x Reader

Requested: Yes

Prompt: Kelly gets fed up when you tease him at work all shift (Dominate, kinda rough Kelly smut)

Warnings: Smut (18+), daddy kink, breeding kink¿, swearing

A/N: Anyone else find the gif incredibly sexy? Also, proof skimmed at 4am so don’t judge typos 😅

It was a quiet day in the firehouse. Ambulance 61 only running a few calls and everyone else passing the time by running drills or checking equipment. You had offered to make dinner, wanting to give Ritter and Gallo a break for once. You were far from a candidate, but you weren’t “all in” on the candidate hazing per say. They needed a break every once in a while too. Especially when trying to cook three meals a day for the pickiest men in Chicago. You were trying to decide how to marinate the chicken when your boyfriend walked into the lounge headed straight for the kitchen.

“You cooking tonight?” He asked when he spotted you in front of the stove. Watching you nod, he chuckled.

“You know we have candidates for that.” He teased.

“Yeah yeah I know, I also don’t care.” You retorted, having already had this talk before. “Hey! What are you doing?” You scolded as you watched him open up a cupboard digging through it.

“Getting chips.” He answered, nonchalantly.

“I’m making food!” You reminded him.

“And I will eat it, but I need something to hold me off in the meantime.” He replied, rolling your eyes, you turned back to the task. “Okay spices.” You thought out loud moving towards the cabinet Kelly was still digging through. Registering in your head that there was nobody else around except Mouch who was loudly snoring on the couch. Smirking you took the few steps towards your needed ingredients.

“Excuse me.” You mumbled slipping in front of Kelly where he was trying to reach something from

the back of the top shelf. Pushing yourself up on your tippy toes you attempted to grab spices off the bottom shelf, pushing your butt out to put pressure against his crotch before slowly moving back down on the heels of your feet, smiling effectively to yourself when you felt Kelly immediately tense above you swallowing a low groan, trying again and eliciting the same reaction. “I can’t reach it. Could you hand me that cayenne pepper?” You asked sweetly pointing to it, witnessing a pink tint appear across his cheeks, still pressed tightly against you, clenching his jaw when you wiggled your hips back against his. Tightly gripping the container he handed it to you. “Thank you, lieutenant.” You grinned sliding out from in front of him to make your way towards the counter. It wasn’t but two seconds before Kelly had you trapped up against the counter. Breathing heavy in your ear goosebumps traveling down your body at the warmth of his breath.

“You think you’re so sly. Such a little tease, trying to make daddy rock hard.” Kelly leaned over your back pushing his hips into your spine where you felt an obvious bulge. “You’re just giving me an invitation to bend you right over this counter and use you.” Kelly whispered into your ear as you started to chop up the celery coming centimeters away from chopping off your finger at his words. It had been a few days since you had sex and you knew you both were craving each other. When the sound of footsteps heading for you became clear he sprung away putting a respectable amount of space between the two of you.

“Is anybody making dinner around here?” Herrmann asked, appearing from the apparatus floor, Stella in tow behind him.

“Yeah, working on it.” You assured him watching Kelly retrieve a bag of chips and head towards the bunk room, cool relaxed demeanor drifting back over him. He was always better at hiding things than you, and this was likely a game you were going to lose at, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care.

You and Kelly had dated for awhile before accepting that the pressures of the job was starting to take a toll on your relationship. In order to healthily deal with your issues separately you decided to take a break, knowing that you would likely eventually end up back together, or at least hoping so. It was hard at first especially after finding out he had had a brief fling with Stella, one of your best friends in the house, but you had gotten through it and had been back together for a couple months. Nobody else in the house knew though, except Matt who you frequently ran into every morning in his kitchen.

You had taken plenty of opportunities to tease Kelly throughout the rest of the shift. Sending him dirty texts, accidentally running into him in the shower, innocently flirting with Gallo just to get a rise.

“Oh sorry are you almost done?” You asked sweetly watching Kelly shift his clothes from the washer to the dryer.

“Be my guest.” He moved out of the way for you to move towards the washer starting to throw your clothes into it when you heard him clear his throat. Turning you cocked your head when you saw him holding one of your thongs on his pointer finger. “Oops must’ve dropped that.” You played innocently, taking it from him to drop it into the machine feeling the heat of his body crowd you.

“What has gotten into you today?” He questioned, gripping your hips.

“I don’t know what you mean.” You bit your lip blinking up at him.

“Oh so you really were just interested in Gallo’s new workout regimen?” He smirked, pushing you completely against the washer.

“Kid’s looking swole what can I say?” You giggled.

“You must really want me to take you right here, Kitten.” He shook his head, lips moving centimeters away from yours. You hummed, waiting for him to make contact, but he never did. “Say it. Tell me.” He challenged right hand moving up to your bare stomach, finger pulling at the top of your pants.

“I want you.” You admitted and you could feel him smile against your own lips.

“How bad?” He encouraged, popping the button of your pants open, fingers inching further south.

“So bad.” You assured, moaning when the pad of his finger came in contact with your clit, his mouth muting the sound. You relaxed letting the pleasure seep into your body. Whimpering when one of his fingers pushed into you. Your own fingers were nothing compared to his and it had been too long since you felt them. Bracing yourself against his chest when he added another, thrusting them in and out.

“Fuck, Kel. Someone could walk in.” You reminded him trying to keep a clear head, that was very quickly fading.

“Let them. They can watch and see how wet and desperate I make you while fingering your little pussy. Then they can imagine what I do to you with my cock.” He whispered into your ear, causing your knees to buckle below you.

“Oh my god.” You breathed out when his thumb began to flick against your clit synchronizing with his thrusts, his dirty talk was always out of this world. You felt your legs begin to shake, head falling into your boyfriend’s chest, sharp breaths coming out just as the knot unraveled in your stomach. Kelly’s free hand wrapping around your waist to steady you. He waited for you to gain control of your balance again before removing his hands away from you.

“This is far from over.” Kelly kissed your sweaty forehead before retreating leaving you a disheveled mess. You left him alone for the rest of the night knowing if you went near him you were going to cave and this time you would be sure to be caught.

You had turned a boring shift into an entertaining one and you loved watching him squirm.

Unfortunately, you hadn’t gotten much sleep having run calls almost all night, one after the other, and you were so ready to fall into your big soft bed you had even forgotten about the game you were playing with your boyfriend. Up until you walked into your apartment. Dropping your bag to the floor you kicked off your shoes barely registering Kelly close behind you until he tugged on your wrist, taking you off balance causing you to fall right into him, his hard body insistently igniting a spark within you. His hands gripped your face bringing you in for a heated kiss, one that had you leaning back against the door almost immediately.

“Mmm.” You hummed, starting to feel your body summon a second wind.

“Are you too tired? Cause we can do this later.” Kelly pulled away to ask you sincerely, palm cupping your face.

“You seem to have woken me back up.” You chuckled arms circling around his neck to pull him back down to you, tongue joining his, gripping the bottom of his shirt you broke the kiss to tug it over his head.

“Don’t worry you have me so fucking horny this isn’t gonna take long.” He laughed unbuttoning your jeans as he licked across your jaw.

“I don’t know if Matt’s gonna want to see our clothes all over the floor.” You joked, stepping out of your jeans as he pushed them down.

“I asked him to give me an hour or two.” Kelly shrugged a cocky tone in his voice causing you to roll your eyes.

“It’s his apartment too.” You pointed out, shedding yourself of your shirt and bra, as Kelly tossed his jeans to the side.

“He can come home if he wants to, he just may regret it. Which is exactly what I told him.” Kelly replied, taking two steps towards you to throw you over his shoulder.

“Kelly!” You giggled unexpectedly.

“Shh we’re on a time limit.” He smacked your ass and you could hear the smile in his voice as he walked you towards your bedroom. Dropping you at the edge of the bed quickly covering the length of your body with his capturing your breasts in his hands, mouthing at your right nipple. Before his hands moved to explore all the parts of your body. The small pleasure sending goosebumps down your body. “You’ve been teasing daddy at work all shift. What if Herrmann or Stella would’ve seen you wiggling this perfect little ass against my crotch?” Kneading it into his palms. “Would you have liked that? Showing everyone how worked up you can get me? How hard you make me just by looking at you?” Kelly growled nibbling down your neck.

“Stella maybe.” You mumbled, causing him to chuckle.

“Jealous?” He inquired.

“Possessive.” You responded, squeezing his crotch for emphasis.

“She’s got nothing on you baby girl.” He promised, picking you up enough to lay you down. higher on your bed. “You have me so pent up you know that?” He rolled his hips down on yours thin fabric covering each of you, so you could clearly feel his full bulge, a soft moan escaping your lips at the action. Kelly smirked above you at the sound.

“You want it so bad don't you? You want daddy to fill you up good huh baby girl?” He taunted fingertips running up and down your thighs. You clenched your jaw trying to keep your hips firm against the bed not wanting to give into him so easily. “Awe come on. You know you love when I talk dirty to you. You tell me all the time, and I bet if I just move my hand a little south it’ll do all the talking for you.” He teased finger snapping the waistband of your underwear“Just tell me how bad you want this cock sweetheart. How you are soaking through your panties right now just thinking about it.” He continued hand very steadily moving closer to what you knew was going to be a pool of liquid between your legs. “And I will rock your world.” He promised biting hard at your collarbone just as his fingers met your clothed center, accompanied by a loud moan involuntarily filling the room. “Would you look at that?” He brought his glistening fingers up in front of your face, but you remained quiet chewing on your lips. “Oh so that’s how we’re gonna be today?” He raised an eyebrow before backing away from you, “you can get yourself ready then, or you’re not getting any.” He commanded.

“No, wait I’m sorry come-“ You started to reach for him but he leaned farther away.

“Your choice.” He smiled widely at you.

“Whatever, fine.” You pouted, you could certainly make this as torturous for him as it was for you. Slowly sliding your panties down your legs. “Oh hey you weren’t kidding, they are soaked.” You laughed, jokingly before throwing them at Kelly’s face. Spreading your legs wide for him to see fingers grasping your nipples first rolling them between your thumb and forefingers. Hips rolling at the feeling that warmed your body. Bringing your hand up to your mouth you made a show of your lips sucking two of your fingers, tongue circling around them humming a small moan that could still be clearly heard in the room. Hand trailing leisurely down your body. You could hear Kelly’s breath hitching as your hand connected with your center purposely moaning loudly enough to fill the apartment putting pressure against your clit. Finger teasingly sliding across your own entrance before circling it again. You could feel the juices starting to drip down your legs, getting impossibly wetter at Kelly’s dark eyes watching your every move. “Oh god.” You groaned, pushing in a single finger thrusting your finger up towards your stomach. Giving more attention to your clit before adding a second finger. “Yes, fuck yes.” You breathed hips pushing down towards your palm when you curled your fingers towards your g-spot already wishing it was Kelly’s dick.

“That’s it baby, play with your wet little pussy so daddy can watch. Such a pretty cunt.” Kelly praised. You hadn’t even realized your eyes had closed shut until you had opened them met with the sight of Kelly’s hand lazily stroking his fully hard shaft.

“Daddy..please.” You begged.

“What do you want sweetheart? Tell me.” He ordered eyes locked with yours.

“You to fuck me so hard I won’t be able to walk for days.” You whined hips still desperately moving with your hand. Kelly appeared back on top of you in seconds.

“Daddy’s ready to take such a long sexually frustrating day out on your perfect little cunt.” He teased nipping your earlobe as he lightly rubbed the tip of his dick between your folds. Slowly pushing his hips forward, your pussy immediately taking him in. “God baby you’re so fucking tight. How can you be this fucking wet and still so tight?” He growled, breaths coming out heavier as he continued to move forward waiting for you to loosen up for him. Focusing on the smell of him so close to you, the quiet little growls, the warmth of his body right against you had you relaxing quickly the pain of the intrusion subsiding within seconds.

“Move Kelly.” You encouraged him, digging the heels of your feet into the bottom of his back trying to pull him even deeper.

“Ah ah ah,” Kelly grabbed ahold of your hands pinning them above your head, “you’re here for daddy’s pleasure right now kitten.” He reminded you with a slow roll of his hips causing you to whimper. His hips moving in slow deliberate circles before thrusting hard all the way in you.

“Fuck!” You screamed, head falling back into the pillows. Your legs falling wider apart when he started moving in a steady rhythm. Quickly finding your soft spot, knowing your body inside and out. “There.” You informed him in a mumble, starting to lose the ability to think, worse with each thrust. He had your arms pinned above your head, hips pounding against yours as hard as possible. Moans and slapping of skin echoing in the room. It was crazy how quickly he could get you where you needed to be. Knew exactly the angle his cock had to enter and exactly the right speed, but he definitely knew what he was doing. Slowly his thrusts as soon as he knew the knot began to build in your lower stomach. Bringing you to the edge numerous times.

“Kelly, I'm getting close.” You warned, whining even louder when his thrusts came to a stop. “Kelly fuck baby come on stop doing that.” You begged, legs beginning to shake at the continuous edging feeling the knot disappear from the pit stomach again and you wanted to cry.

“As soon as you learned to call me by the correct name you can finish.” He teased. Your brain was too clouded to form a decent sentence let alone control what was actually coming out of your mouth.

“God daddy I’m sorry I can’t help it. I can’t even think straight right now.” Your body was wiggling uncontrollably trying to get the friction moving again, tears gathering in the corner of your eyes.

“You can and you will baby.” He ordered, slowly beginning to move again.

“Daddy please just let me cum. Please. Wanna cum around your cock so bad.” You begged, likely incoherently, but he must’ve felt bad as he moved his thumb down into to contact with your clit flicking against it in time with his thrusts.

“Ahhh holy shit yes! Daddy oh my god!” You yelled limbs locking when the pleasure exploded throughout your body. Shaking slightly, sounds flowing freely from your mouth, hands entwining with Kelly’s single hand above you. Stars were still clouding your vision when you tried to open your eyes, Kelly curling himself even closer against you, his head stuffed into your neck, groans continuously accompanying each of his breaths.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck! I’m so close baby girl. So fucking close. Keep clenching that pussy for daddy. Just like that.” He coached, feeling the aftershocks of your orgasm.

“I can feel you twitching babe. I can feel how close you are daddy. You gotta pull out unless you want it in me.” You warned knowing within three strokes he was gonna fill you otherwise trying to push away the multiple voices in your head that admitted you would love nothing more.

“That’s exactly what I want princess, daddy’s gonna flood this tight perfect little pussy with his hot thick cum.” He grunted out and sure enough three strokes later you felt his cock swell, muscles tensing below your hands before spurting numerous amounts of cum against your walls, the warmth lighting your body on fire even more, Kelly collapsed onto your body, during the short fast thrusts he used to work himself through. Loud groans falling from his lips. Sweat covered your bodies sticking between the two of you.

Finally catching his breath a few minutes later he slowly pulled out of you, mind clicking and coming back to reality, eyes widening when he saw the cum running out of you, “Oh my god. Oh fuck baby I’m so sorry. Shit!” He panicked, eyes flicking from the mound between your legs to your face causing you to giggle.

“It’s fine, Kel.” You reassured him reaching for tissues to attempt any clean up.

“I should’ve asked. I let myself get way too carried away. I'm so sorry.” He ran a hand down his face.

“Would you be okay with having a baby with me?” You asked him sincerely.

“Well...yeah of course. I love you.” He nodded his head.

“Then it’s fine. We’re both adults. We know the risks of sex. If we really wanted to avoid it I would suggest more than just the pull out method. Plus if I was really worried I could’ve stopped you.” You shrugged. “Not saying I want to actively try but it certainly wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.” You admitted, having kept your feelings on this exact subject at bay for a while.

“You want to have a baby with me?” He asked, shocked.

“Eventually.” You answered and he smiled.

“Could you imagine telling everyone you’re pregnant and we’ve actually been back together for months.” He laughed at the thought.

“Well thanks to your lack of self-control that might be a reality.” You joked, giving him a pointed look.

“On the brightside you’d get to call me daddy more.” He said winking as he leaned down to capture your lips in a soft kiss.

“Nobody would ever believe the things you say to me in bed.” You thought out loud.

“Gentleman on the streets, freak in the sheets.” He shrugged, winking.

NSFW Taglist:

@beautiful-bunny89 @jayxhalsteadx @grettiwrites @life-treatments @weepingfestivalmentality @toomuchtv95 @malrunaway @queen-of-arda @glimmerglittergirl

[personasintro]

bloody hell | jjk drabble

⏤𝘴𝘺𝘯𝘰𝘱𝘴𝘪𝘴; luckily, your boyfriend is there to get you through the pain

⏤𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨: jungkook x reader

⏤𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘳𝘦: fluff, smut, established relationship

⏤𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵: 4.7k

⏤𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴: strong language, unexpected period sex (kind of), unprotected sex, dirty talk, anal play, creampie, kinda rough sex, jungkook calls reader 'baby' a lot, pregnancy talk

Curled on the bed, it takes him approximately two minutes to get into the room, until you hear his sports bag dropping onto the floor before he joins you. Instantly cuddling up to you, you’re met with the scent of his shower gel, which means he took a shower in the gym.

You shiver at the feeling of his lips at the back of your neck, where he pecks your skin. “I’ve missed you.”

The confession is enough to make you swoon all over him, but you know he could be doing anything or nothing, and your heart would beat the same way like it always does when it comes to him.

“You were gone for hour an half,” you chuckle, placing your arms on top of his as he brings you closer to him. “I’ve missed you too.”

You were never one of those snappy couples who whispered nothing else but sweet nothings into each other ears, ending it with slow and romantic sex. Jungkook is always explicit about what he wants to do to you, and you love it. As much as making love with your boyfriend is emotional and making your heart spill with love, you love when he pounds you into the mattress. There’s just something about sweaty Jungkook, growling explicit things into your ears as he makes sure you cum before he even allows himself to.

God, these hormones are killing you.

“Why are you curled in here like a small ball of sadness? Missed me that much?” he jokes, digging his nose into the crook of your neck as he inhales deeply, causing you to giggle at the ticklish feeling.

“I think my period is on the way.” you explain, sighing as the pressure in your lower stomach just won’t leave.

It’s nothing drastic, still manageable but uncomfortable at the same time. What surprises you the most is the fact, you should get it in two days.

“That’s a good thing, isn’t it? That means there’s no baby Jeon in the oven.” he teases, hand placed over your lower stomach as he caresses it.

Four years of being in a relationship with Jungkook, there’s not an ounce of shock or weirdness from his words. You’ve talked about future plans many times, including the baby talk as well. But you just started to live together and even though, your sweet boyfriend made sure to tell you that if it happened it’s okay and you’ll get through it together. As of now, you both are not ready to have a baby but if it happens, you’ll face it together.

You’re taking the birth control, there’s only a little chance of you to getting pregnant, but the both of you’re still cautious. Well, trying to be. Jungkook not being able to pull out in time just a few days ago is the living proof of it.

“It is, but better get me a ring first.” you giggle, smiling when he kisses your shoulder this time. He interweaves your legs together, brushing your ankles with his own. 

“I will.” he promises with a smile.

“I shouldn’t get it for the next two days.”

He stops caressing your stomach and legs for a moment while he processes your words, before he continues with it. “Is it like a bad sign?” he asks, voice filled with worry.

Smiling, you shake your head. “No, it can happen.” you tell him, feeling him nodding behind you.

“Should I bring you your heating pad?” He sounds concerned, suddenly growing displeased at the thought of you being in pain.

Things like this can conjure an automatic smile in a second, your heart filling with even more love. You interweave your fingers together, staring at his long and slim fingers and tattoos on his knuckles, disappearing underneath the hem of his black hoodie.

“No, it’s okay. It doesn’t hurt that bad yet,” you murmur, tracing the numbers on the back of his back. His mother’s birth date. “I love you, have I told you that?”

“Mhm, many times. But I could listen to you saying that on repeat all the time. And by that, I mean — All. The. Time.” he pecks your right cheek with each word, emphasizing it.

You giggle, face pressed into Jungkook’s pillow before you wince when another cramp comes.

Jungkook sits up, staring at you with those doe eyes full of worry and empathy, even though he has no idea how fucking awful it is to have a period every month. Not just having it, but experiencing all the pain and things that go with it.

“You know,” he murmurs, tracing your arm before you look at him with a confusion, slowly sitting up. “I’ve heard sex helps with cramps.”

Widening your eyes, you almost choke on your own spit as you open your mouth in shock.

Yeah, your and Jungkook’s sex life has always been a little bit adventurous. From trying different kinks to actually using sex toys, but you’ve never talked about that.

“I’m not having a period sex, Jungkook.” you tell him, shaking your head.

It’s not as if you were totally opposed to that. It’s more like a thing of insecurity. Not every man wants to have his dick coated in someone else’s blood. Especially when it comes out of vagina.

“But you said you still haven’t got it!” he exclaims, poking his inner cheek with his tongue before he sighs. “Listen up, baby. I think it could help you with your cramps and I’m down, if you are.”

Tilting your head, you stare at Jungkook and the familiar glint in his eyes. Your eyes avert down, right into his lap where you can spot a small hint of bulge, big enough to know that it’s not in his usual soft state.

“Oh my god, are you hard?” you exclaim, causing him to shift on his spot as he hisses at you.

“Not entirely,” he informs you, “I’ve been getting hard ever since I’ve felt your ass against my cock.” he adds, causing you to nudge his shoulder as you laugh.

He joins you, catching your hand as he slips his fingers through yours and clutches them. He stays silent, playing with your fingers leaving you to think. Biting your bottom lip, you cough causing him to look at you.

“Were you serious?” you ask, your voice raspy. You don’t need to hear his answer, you can see his eyes darkened with lust but he still responds to your question.

“Of course, I wouldn’t joke about that.”

And you see it. His honesty and his soft features, glancing at the little scar on his cheek to the little mole underneath his bottom lip.

“Listen, it was just an idea. You know I’d fuck you no matter what. I don’t care about this kind of stuff and to be honest, the thought of it drives me crazy. But I get that it might not be comfortable for you, so I’ll back off now. I just thought it could help.” he shrugs, your heart swooning over this man once again as you try to push the tears away.

Fucking hormones.

He’s always putting you first, no matter what the topic or the situation is — it’s always you.

“Let’s do it.” you speak, meeting his doe widened eyes like you expected them to look like.

“What? Are you sure? But you said--“

“Not gonna lie, the thought of it and seeing you like this,” you point at his crotch, “does things to me.”

“Fuck, baby,” he breathes out, “Don’t say stuff like that.” he shifts on his spot again, and you already know he’s getting hard.

“Hmm, why? Is it driving you crazy?” you ask, leaning towards him as he clenches his jaw.

“You know it does, you little minx.” he curses, grabbing your face as he kisses you roughly.

Your lips smacks together, moving against each other in a needy kiss as you finally feel them. Okay, you might’ve had make out session before Jungkook went to the gym for his workout, but fuck, you miss him. Sometimes you wish he was lazy like you are, but he loves working out and his muscles too much. It definitely pays off, the feeling of his abs underneath your fingers, especially the sight once his shirt goes off.

“Wait,” he stops, voice muffled as he tries to pull away. “So, are we really having sex?” he asks just to check in, causing you to laugh as you nod.

“Yeah, my cramps are uncomfortable. Let’s just test your theory.”

“Well, it’s not my theory. I’ve heard about it from Jimin and now that I think about it, I’ve read it somewhere as well.”

Rolling your eyes, you don’t even question how Jimin knows that or how it took a place in their conversation, you kiss him again. He softly places you back on the bed, making sure you’re comfortable before he kisses down your neck to your collarbones.

Jungkook knows your every little spot that makes you squirm in his hold, begging for more but as much as you love his kisses and hands caressing your whole body, you pull away and sit up. His lips are getting swollen and with those big eyes he looks adorable, causing you to grin at him. He watches you with a mere confusion, until he sees you taking off your baggy shirt and pajamas shorts.

“You know I love it when you take your time with me, but my pain isn’t getting any better.” you explain, causing his lips to let out an exclamation of realization.

“Sure,” he tells you, following your lead as he starts to take off his hoodie with sweatpants.

Your breath hitches in your throat, eyes already admiring his toned puffed out chest and abs. You can’t believe this man is yours. With his tiny waist and muscular thighs, he has the best body proportion you’ve ever seen. And you know he loves when you watch and admire, noticing the littlest smirk he sports on his puffy lips.

“How do you want it?” he asks, staying in his boxers as you pout at that.

“From the back.” you tell him, sliding off your panties before you throw it on the floor.

You’re already turning onto your stomach, hearing a soft whine from Jungkook who’s clearly disappointed of not having the chance to eye your breasts properly. It dies right away as you arch your back, wiggling your ass at him. He reacts immediately, grabbing the soft flesh into his palms as he squeezes it. Biting your lip, you prevent the moan escaping your mouth.

Jungkook loves when he can hear your moans, gasps or even screams in the form of his name. You guess it has something to do with his confidence and pride, knowing he’s the one making you react that way. On the other hand, you’re the one who always tries to tease him by being quiet, silencing your moans which leads to him being more rough and vocal.

You almost jump at the feeling of his finger rounding around your puckered hole, a soft gasp leaving your lips. He puts pressure with his finger, just not enough to actually enter you but enough to make you clench around nothing. He adds the rest of his fingers, trailing them down until he pushes apart your folds and starts to rubbing your heat.

“For not wanting to have a period sex, you’re certainly wet.” he comments, tone cocky and confident as you roll your eyes.

There’s no way he could see you, with your face pressed into his pillow, but he still slaps you as if he knew what your reaction would be.

“I’m not on my period yet.” you comment back, turning your head to the side just to see him from the corner of his eyes. Fuck, you want to feel him so much.

“Let me prep you.” he says, ready to push his fingers in as you flinch and shake your head.

“No,” you breathe out, “Fill me now, Jungkook. I need you.”

You don’t care how desperate you sound, all you can think about is his thick veiny cock inside of you. Knowing your boyfriend, he always makes sure he preps you just right for his cock, not wanting to hurt you. There’s always an extra bottle of lube in his nightstand.

“Are you sure?” He sounds skeptical and doesn’t move just yet. “I always prep you.”

Fuck, you know that. You just can’t wait. Maybe it’s the hormones or the uncomfortable feeling in your lower back, but you can’t waste another second.

“I’m sure, promise,” you murmur, glancing at him before you give him a tiny smile. “Just fuck me, baby.”

He curses underneath his breath, complementing for a few seconds before he breathes out a soft and almost inaudible ’okay’. The mattress shakes slightly underneath his weight as he takes off his boxers, and you take that opportunity to look at him. The sight of his thick length in his hands, pumping himself with tilted head back, you clench around nothing again. Fuck, you’re so wet.

He looks at you through his black lashes and hair falling into his eyes, darkened gaze meeting yours as he gives you the sexiest smirk of all times. He adjusts himself, the tip of his length poking your clit as you gasp.

“Don’t you wanna wear a condom?” you manage to choke out, feeling him poking your entrance this time. Oh fuck, this man will be the death of you.

“No,” he answers straight away. “Should I?” he asks, looking at your exposed back as he starts to caress it with his free hand.

You barely use condoms, but there is still at least one package in his nightstand just in case.

“Not if you don’t want to,” you tell him, smiling at the softness of his voice and thoughtfulness. “I just thought that-- you know, just in case...” you trail off awkwardly, knowing he knows exactly what you’re talking about.

You’re like an open book for him. He knows you like the back of his own hand.

“Baby,” he murmurs, hands grabbing your hips as he leans down to kiss the space between your shoulders blades. “I told you I’m fine with it.”

That’s all you needed to know to give him a nod. If he’s fine with it, then so are you. Not wanting to waste another second, he asks you if you’re ready and the wiggle of your ass is just enough of an answer for him, making him chuckle at your neediness.

As always, he’s careful and takes an extra caution since he hasn't prepped you this time. His movements are slow, even when he starts to push himself in, he gives you the time to adjust. It’s easier, your juices leaking out of you makes it easier for him to slide in, but he still takes his time. He doesn’t want to thrust into you in a harsh way, not when you’re not properly stretched out.

Fuck, he can feel how tight you are around him, swallowing him right in as you clench around him.

“Jesus baby, I need you to relax.” he groans, shutting his eyes at the tightness of walls.

“I’m trying,” you breathe out, “So good, you feel so good.”

“Fuck, I think I might cum.” he chuckles, causing you to the same.

There are times when Jungkook’s stamina is almost impossible, making it feel like a mission to make him cum. But there are times when he’s overwhelmed and needy, especially when you haven’t had sex for a few days. But you did, just two days ago and you don’t know what’s the reason behind his sudden choked up state.

You’re sensitive, knowing it’s not going to take long for you to cum. As soon as he starts thrusting in, you know it’s the end for you.

He bottoms out, letting the two of you adjust and embrace yourself for what’s about to come. He takes his time feeling up your body, hands rummaging your ass, back and slowly grabbing your tender breasts. He can tell your period is coming, not just by remembering you crying at some ridiculous scene yesterday or you scolding him for being messy this past week, but from the way your breasts feel. He pinches your nipples, caressing them right away, while he hears your soft gasps. You’re trying extremely hard not to clench from every touch he gives you, he can tell by the way you’re clutching the black sheets. Moving his hands down, he caresses your lower stomach again, like that time when he cuddled you from behind. But this time, he feels your skin and slightly bulged out stomach. Both from your period coming and his length nestled inside of you. He loves when that happens, when he can not just feel but see himself inside of you.

“Ready?” he asks, voice thick with softness and lust.

“Yes, please.” you whine, preparing yourself not to lose it all as soon as he starts to move.

He holds your hips for better support and grip, before he pulls out just to the point his head stays inside. Although, this time he thrusts in right away but still careful. You can't see him, but something tells you he's watching your reaction, making sure he's not doing anything uncomfortable to you. As soon as he's met with your gasps and moans of pleasure, he allows himself to go faster. 

“Holy shit.” he gasps, your brows pinching together but before you can voice out your confusion of his sudden reaction, he's picking up his pace.

It's no surprise that his length inside you feels fucking amazing, it always does. Your walls are slippery and tighter than usual, even you can tell the difference and judging by Jungkook's raged breathing and grunts, he thinks the same thing. The squelching sounds of your wetness and heat often make you embarrassed, but not this time. All you can focus is Jungkook and the way he controls your body, holding your ass up when you start to slide down.

“You're so fucking hot, baby,” he grunts, followed with the sound of his balls hitting your clit. “My woman.”

The bedroom is filled with so much filthy sounds, making the atmosphere even more erotic than ever and Jungkook's dirty words evoke another wave of pleasure inside you.

“Yours.” you moan, trying to perch your ass for him better but he's got you. His strong hands are holding you, making sure you won't run away from his throbbing length. 

“I'm gonna marry you one day,” he promises, your walls clenching straight away.

This is not a part of his usual dirty talk, since he's very vocal during sex saying all the right filthy words to bring you closer to your orgasm, but this time's different. And maybe because this is the first time he brought up marriage during sex, it clouds your mind with pleasure and lust even more. 

“You're gonna be my wife. You're gonna be Mrs. Jeon,” he grits through his clenched teeth, fingers digging into your skin but it doesn't hurt. You love it. 

“Yeah?” you ask, voice strained and hopeful. 

“Yeah,” he says straight away, slowing down his pace as he starts to roll his hips into you. “And then you're gonna have my kids.” he whispers into your ear, voice raspy and stern, sounding so erotic to your ears that your vision gets hazy for a moment. 

“Please.” you manage to choke out, not really sure whether you're begging for it to become true or him sending you over the edge. 

Anyways, Jungkook listens and starts to set up an animalistic pace, knowing you're enjoying this more than he ever thought you'd be. Again, maybe it's the hormones or the fact he's helping you with the pain you've quickly forgot about. He slides down his arm over your bulged stomach, holding you there while he can feel himself moving inside of you. 

“You're gonna bear my baby in here one day, and then you won't have to worry about cramps for a few months.”

In other situation, you might've laugh at his comment, knowing the actual birth is even more painful than period cramps. And the fact that woman can bleed for a couple of months after giving birth, is nothing compare to having a period for seven days. But still, he makes it sound so erotic, the way he talks about your future and is so sure of himself. It warms your heart at the same time, knowing you've chosen the right man. There's no one else who could make evoke such emotions inside of you like Jungkook can.

“Fuck, are you close?” he asks breathlessly, feeling the way you clench around him even tighter than before.

He notices your white knuckles gripping the black sheets you always complain about, telling him how dark it makes your bedroom look. Oh fuck, how much he loves you. Even when you complain about useless stuff, he loves you with his entire heart. 

Your knees are buckling, barely holding up your weight and if it weren't for Jungkook holding you, you'd be sprawled on the mattress like a dead animal. 

“Yes.” you answer, confirming his assumption.

“Where do you want it? Want me to fill you up?” he asks, his own voice getting raspier and strained at your walls barely allowing him to move inside of you. 

“Wherever you want.” Is all you say, not caring where he cums.

He loves cumming inside of you, even though it barely happens. It's just for a caution and you assume as soon as you've told him those words, he'll take this opportunity to cum inside of you.

It's not like you don't love it, oh shit, you do. The feeling of his warm cum inside you, filling you up to the brim is irresistible and mind-blowing. 

You jerk away when you hear him spitting, soon feeling his saliva sliding down your ass. He catches it with his thumb, tracing your puckered hole with it as he continues thrusting inside of you. It's too much, his finger circling around your hole while the other one is filled up with his thick throbbing length, and you feel yourself getting closer. 

With your remaining strength, you manage to reach your orgasm by meeting his thrusts. Your ass slaps against his abdomen with each thrust, the mixed sounds of your skin slapping against his and your moans with Jungkook's grunts, you feel yourself getting close.

“Cum for me, baby. Let me fill you up.” 

With a whiny moan, you're cumming around him, feeling your juices and wetness run down your thighs. It's nothing massive, but you can still feel the extra wetness of your arousal and cum. 

“Fuck. I'm cumming!” Jungkook groans, his hips halting before you feel him twitch inside of you. Moaning at the feeling, he fills you up like he promised, making sure you got every drop of him.

Your legs shake, but you don't dare to move or fall back onto the mattress that looks rather inviting. You know you've to take a shower, knowing you made a mess. Jungkook pulls out, apologizing softly when he hears you hiss, he allows his cum to leak out of you.

“Bloody hell.”

It's not the British accent that makes you turn around, it's his words and following chuckle that he makes. He sits down onto his ankles, his length already softening but you barely notice it as you stare at it.

“Oh my fucking god!” you exclaim, eyes widening and throat clenching at the sight that's in front of you. 

HIs entire length is covered in your blood and as you sit down onto your knees, you look between your legs to see the mess there. There's a line of blood and cum slowly trailing down your thigh, causing you to gasp in utter shock. 

“Baby, it's fine.” Jungkook chuckles, standing up from the bed as he reaches for his old shirt that's draped over the chair that's in the corner of the room, handing it to you. 

You snatch it from his hands, cheeks flaming with embarrassment as you clean yourself. 

“This is so fucking embarrassing.” you whine, voice quivering that makes Jungkook shoot straight to action. 

“Baby,” he calls out, already making his way to the bed before he takes the shirt from you. He cleans off the running blood with it as he smiles at you. “There's nothing embarrassing about this. We both wanted this. Look, I'm perfectly fine.” he says, stretching out his arms giving you a great opportunity to look at his length. 

You cringe, staring at him. “That's disgusting.”

“No, it's not.” he argues back, grinning at you. 

“I thought I won't get it, especially not during sex.” you murmur, watching him to clean off himself. The poor shirt does a terrible job, but still manages to clean at least something.

“It was hot as fuck.” 

“When did you notice it?” you ask him, already finding him giving you a sheepish look. 

“When I first thrusted in and pulled out.”

“Jungkook!” you exclaim, careful not to sit down onto your ass. “Why haven't you told me?”

“Because I knew you'd grow embarrassed and I wanted you to enjoy it. Baby,” you look at him with a huge scowl on your face, which makes him smile at you. “There's nothing to be embarrassed about. You loved it and so did I. Did it work? Does your tummy still hurts?” 

You realize that it doesn't hurt, there's still a throb between your legs, but it's not caused by your period. Looking down, you see your blood on the sheets and it makes you gasp.

“I ruined the sheets!” you exclaim. 

“It's fine, you hated them.” he waves his hand, before he helps you to stand up.

“But--”

“No buts, I'll take care of the sheets later. Let's take a shower, yeah?” he says, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear as he kisses the tip of your nose. 

Knowing Jungkook and his love for doing the laundry, he'll probably test the new stain remover product he bought last week, to see if it gets rid of blood. Not wanting to complain or be embarrassed, you know Jungkook simply doesn't care. He's perfectly fine, kissing your lips as if to prove your thoughts, before you sigh.

“I love you.” You feel like you should tell him, and looking in those dark doe eyes full of love and affection, you know he feels the same. 

But he doesn't waste the opportunity to voice out his thoughts. 

“I love you, my love.” he says, kissing you for the last time as he leads you to the bathroom where he sets up the perfect water temperature before he allows you to step into the shower.

It's the time when you both shower, making sure you clean all the blood off your bodies, when you see the reddened water. Jungkook follows your vision, already grinning when he says; “Bloody hell.”

You slap his chest, scowling at the ridiculous joke.

“Can you stop saying that?” you scold him, seeing him still grinning at you.

“What, you don't like my British accent?” he teases, wiggling his brows as he keeps grinning. His nose scrunched and bunny teeth on display, you fight the urge to smile. 

“It's not about your British accent and you know it.” you murmur.

“I was just teasing,” he chuckles, pulling you closer to him as you let out a sequel when your legs slip. But as usual, Jungkook holds you and makes sure nothing happens to you. “I love you.” he kisses you before you can react, your lips stretching into a huge smile through the kiss. 

When he pulls away, he licks his lips as darkened lust fills his eyes. 

“Can we do this again next month? Or tomorrow? You know... since it worked.” he suggests, wiggling his brows at you as you slap his chest. This time, you find yourself laughing at your ridiculous boyfriend. 

“Jungkook!”