#which she seems to always be ragging on her gf one way or another which obviously no one should be doing that

[halalgirlmeg]

I'm very weary of narratives and dynamics that paint people of color as like bullies, or intolerant/bigoted, or anything of the sort against white characters cause it's not that we're infallible either within specific communities or as a collective but like...idk like I feel like we're usually in these roles more often than not (its ESP Black women and girls, and Dark skin women and girls even moreso) like, esp when shows tout themselves as progressive cause knowing how Fandoms roll esp in regards to bleeding into actors off screen I just know there are people like going the hell in, because even when they're not bad people at all or just like a fleshed out human beings let them do one thing wrong, or do something fans don't like, people never shut the fuck up about it (look at Meredith and Amelia from Grey's vs Maggie and Bailey, esp in like the second half of the Grey's run) meanwhile white characters can never do anything wrong ever even when they're very much in the wrong which hmmm does that not also sound like real life?

[retrievablememories]

nepenthe | winwin

title: nepenthe pairing: winwin x black!reader genre: hurt/comfort, fluff request: “Winwin stays with his girlfriend over night while she is sick and takes care of her. This is a major turning point in their relationship because the gf thought that there was a strain in their relationship but him doing this unannounced makes her realize he really cares about her. Black oc? Thank you!” word count: 2.7k warnings: mentions of being sick, relationship troubles, some cursing a/n: nepenthe (n.) — “anything inducing a pleasurable sensation of forgetfulness, especially of sorrow or trouble.”

➠ a part of the nct 127 sleepover series

It’s been awhile since you’ve been able to hang out with Sicheng without your many responsibilities pulling you both in different directions. Therefore, you leapt at the invitation to visit him at the dorm while you both had a window of free time. Getting these kinds of opportunities was not frequent between your college tasks and his work, and you both always tried to plan things well in advance if it was possible.

However, in the few days before you’re supposed to go over to the dorm, a strange itch begins in your throat, and your head feels fuzzy and warm in a bad way. Thinking the worst, you try to get ahead of it by taking medicine and getting more rest, but it’s just a little too late; you’re sick with a cold. You’re naturally upset about it, but you’re even more disappointed because it means you can’t visit Sicheng anymore—not unless you want to get him and everyone else sick.

Either way, you don’t think you could drive to his dorm even if you wanted to attempt it, considering you’ve only been able to get up to use the bathroom and eat whatever snacks or medicine you have around. Every part of your body feels weaker, although this might also be because you haven’t had energy to cook an actual meal.

You don’t want to break the news to him, but the date is creeping closer and it’s better to tell him now than have him be unpleasantly surprised when the day comes and you never show up. So, you sit up in bed as comfortably as you can and call his number, tugging the sheets around you and staring into space unhappily as the phone rings.

“Y/N?”

“Sicheng…”

“Hi Y/N,” one of the other boys says from the background, and you think it might be Yangyang.

“Hi Yang,” you respond, but your voice comes out a bit broken as you cough at the end.

“What’s wrong?” Sicheng asks, and it sounds like he’s walking away—maybe going into another room to talk to you privately.

“I’m really sorry Sicheng, but I can’t come over this week...I’m sick and I feel like pure shit.”

“You’re sick?” Sicheng asks, and he sounds both annoyed and concerned. “Like, you’re really sick?”

“Uh, yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” you ask, irritated by the seemingly silly question.

“Y/N, I was just making sure—it’s not like this is the first time you’ve canceled our plans over one reason or another.”

You roll your eyes and sigh, though it comes out a bit ragged. “Excuse me for getting sick, then. It’s not like I could help it, and every time I canceled I had a valid reason. It’s not like I don’t want to see you.”

“I get it, I get it. I didn’t even suggest that Y/N.”

“But you always sound like you’re upset with me every time it happens.”

“Well, yeah. Do you expect me to be happy about not being able to see my girlfriend?” Now he sounds as irritated as you are.

“That’s not even what I’m talking about and you know it.” You want to say more, but you are already tired and the last thing you want to spend your energy on is arguing.

“Look, I don’t know why—”

“Sicheng, I’m really tired. We can just talk about this later, okay? I’m sorry I can’t come. Goodbye.” You don’t wait for a response before ending the call, and you feel a little bad about it, but you don’t feel like dwelling on any of this at the moment.

You sink further down into the nest of pillows you’ve propped up against your headboard and resign yourself to another long and arduous night of trying to fight your sickness. A few tears drop from your eyes, though you try not to cry too much; that would only make your nose even more stuffed up. Eventually, you fall into a restless and light sleep before you even realize it.

However, you’re frightened awake a half hour later—or maybe it’s an hour later, you’re not totally sure—when your phone rings from underneath one of your many pillows.

It’s Sicheng again. Your stomach drops a bit. Maybe he’s more pissed about you hanging up than you thought he’d be, and he’s calling again to say he’s finally had enough of you flaking on him. Which might be a ridiculous conclusion to jump to in any other relationship, but… “Hello?” you ask, your voice now doubly rough from sleep.

“I hate to ask this of you, but can you let me in? I don’t have a key or anything so…”

You pause for a long moment, then sit up in bed, though it takes an effort. Your head is still hot, and you think you might be having a fever dream or haven’t heard him right. “Let you in?”

“I’m outside,” he confirms.

“Outside…” you repeat. Maybe you shouldn’t be this surprised about your boyfriend coming over to your place, but he gave no indication he was coming over. Or that he was even thrilled about dealing with you in these past few months. Plus, it’s snowing pretty steadily outside and will likely get heavier in the next few hours; not many people would want to travel in that weather.

You get up from the bed and go to the front door. As he said, Sicheng is standing there with two bags on each arm. You shuffle to the side to let him in the door, still feeling surprised but mostly dizzy and feverish. “I didn't know you were coming,” you say absentmindedly.

“You hung up before I could say so,” he says. His tone is light, as though he doesn’t want to make a big deal of it, but you can tell he isn’t super pleased about it.

You shift on your feet a bit awkwardly. “Ah yeah….sorry about that…” You follow Sicheng into your kitchen to watch him set the bags on the kitchen counters, and you’re about to sit in one of the chairs until he hurries over to you and gently grasps your arm.

“You should get back in bed. Don’t worry about this stuff in here, I’ll take care of it and bring you your food.”

You raise your eyebrows, but even that facial movement is enough to make your head throb. “You brought food?”

“Well, I wasn’t going to attempt to cook…” He laughs softly as he guides you back to your bedroom and into your bed, and you’re momentarily embarrassed by how messy everything is. You haven’t had the strength or motivation to tidy anything up, and there are tissues all over the place still.

If he notices the mess, which you know he must, he doesn’t say anything about it. He only helps you back underneath the covers and even takes the initiative to throw the messy tissues in your wastebin. Again, you’re embarrassed by him touching everything like it’s not gross, and you pull the blanket up as if to hide beneath it.

“You don’t have to do all that, I can toss them out later,” you insist.

“It’s fine. You’re the patient, remember? Just let me handle it.” He smiles, and you just nod in response.

“Patient, though...you make me sound so sickly.” You want to laugh but your head hurts too much to do so, and you merely make a wounded sound instead.

“You are the patient. My patient,” Sicheng says, and comes over to lay a hand across your forehead. He makes a sad noise at how hot your skin is under his hand. You want to ask him a bunch of questions about why he came and why he’s being so concerned despite your earlier conversation, though they seem kind of ridiculous to you. He’s your boyfriend, and he’s supposed to be concerned, but for the past few months it seems like a wedge has been growing between you. And now, he’s not even as upset about you not being able to come over as he’d normally be.

Sicheng leaves your bedroom to go take care of the stuff in the kitchen. He comes back a few minutes later with soup and medicine and water, and you watch from where you’re propped up on the pillows as he arranges the things on your nightstand.

“Thank you,” you say as he hands you the medicine and water to take. Sicheng watches as you as you do, and you feel strangely bashful under his gaze.

When you grab the soup, your hands are still a bit shaky, so he offers to take it for you instead. “Are you sure? I feel like I’m a baby or something.” You smirk to yourself and shake your head.

“If I don’t you’ll spill it on yourself, and I don’t think you want that.” Sicheng gives you a small smile, and your cheeks warm a little—more than they already are, anyway—when your hands brush each other’s as he takes the bowl. The feeling is almost foreign; you haven’t experienced that sensation so acutely since you did when you first started dating and everything was still new and electric.

It’s quiet for a while as he feeds you, but you’re increasingly curious about the whole situation, so you finally decide to speak.

“Do the others know you’re gone?” you ask between bites of food. “Like, I mean...I’m sure they do, but…” You’re not sure what exactly you’re trying to ask him, and your words falter for a moment.

“Yes, but I’m not really supposed to be gone right now.” He feeds you another bite, and you chew it somewhat sadly.

“Then why did you come? You could get in trouble.”

“Do you not want me here?” His smile is joking, though it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. That makes you feel guilty. “It doesn’t really matter...it won’t be the first or last time I get into trouble over something that really isn’t that serious.”

“No, I...want you here. I’m surprised you came, though.”

“Why?” he asks, though he looks like he already knows the answer.

“We both know things have been kind of shitty lately. Between us.” You’re wary of expanding any further and dragging up all those unpleasant memories—and ruining the small, relatively peaceful moment you’ve both created—so you let him give you another spoonful of soup to fill the silence.

Sicheng’s smile fades a bit and is replaced with a more solemn look. “You’re not wrong about that. I just...I’m sorry for making you feel like I’ve ignored your feelings. And for being too impatient with you. I want to be next to you all the time, but it’s hard to not be able to do that.”

“It’s not entirely your fault...I haven’t done a great job of keeping to our plans.” You hang your head. “College takes up so much of my time with exams and study groups and whatever, and then this happens…”

Sicheng sets the spoon down in the bowl. “But...I think that’s life. I shouldn’t get mad with you about it. Some things are just out of our control. Seriously, though, I’m really glad that you always focus on your studies. You should. Don’t let me or anything else stop you from making a life for yourself.”

Sighing quietly, you place your hand on Sicheng’s knee, wanting to hold his hand although he’s currently occupied with holding your soup. You settle for tracing your fingertip across the bone of his knee, feeling the solidity of it. It somehow makes you feel grounded. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too, Y/N.” He gives you a bittersweet look and carefully shifts the bowl to his right hand so he can rest his other hand on top of yours. That single gesture makes you want to never let go.

As the night wears on, you assume Sicheng will be readying himself to go back to the dorm soon. The idea of that makes you sad, but you don’t express that aloud; you don’t want to keep him any longer than he should stay. The time on your phone shows it’s almost 1 a.m., and the members will start wondering when he’ll get back if they aren’t already.

However, Sicheng already has different plans of his own.

From where he lies on the bed beside you, he watches you as you recline against the pillows, your eyes dropping a little while you both watch TV. He moves a curly strand of hair out of your face, and you startle a little at the tickle of his fingers on your skin. “Y/N. Do you want me to stay? I mean, I was already planning to...but only if you’re okay with it.”

“Is that a good idea? You could get sick. Actually, you’ve probably already caught all my germs from being here for so long...”

Sicheng shakes his head. “You’re sick. I won’t leave you alone here.”

“But you have schedules and all that, you can’t do those if you catch my cold—”

Sicheng cups your cheek. “Y/N. You can make 100 reasons why I shouldn’t be here, but that doesn’t mean I’ll leave you by yourself like this.”

You sigh and turn to face him. You press your forehead to his, think better of it for a moment, and then do it again anyway. “Okay. Please stay.” Sicheng lifts his head from yours to kiss your forehead, and the soft press of his lips makes you momentarily forget about all of your pains.

You go through your bedtime routine with Sicheng’s help, which feels incredibly nice to do after the last couple days have been spent just falling into bed and feeling super crusty about it. He puts your moisturizer on your face and ties your hair up for you in the mirror, which makes you smile at your reflection.

“Can you get me my bonnet?” you say after he finishes with your hair.

“Bonnet…?”

It’s right then when you realize he hasn’t seen you in a bonnet before. The times you’ve been to his dorm or he’s been at your place, neither of you could spend the night.

You try not to laugh at the confusion on his face. “It’s on the dresser,” you say. “It’s pink. You should recognize it as soon as you see it.”

Sicheng wanders back into your bedroom to find it, though you can almost see the question mark floating above his head. Luckily, he’s successful in his quest and comes back with the pink bonnet after a few moments. “You wear this? What does it do?”

“It protects my hair from breaking,” you tell him. “Cotton pillows are not good for my hair.”

Sicheng nods and fixes your bonnet on your head, his fingers brushing against your hot cheek as he brings his arms back down. “Protects your hair? Hm...should I be wearing one of these too? We could match.”

You burst out in laughter, for real this time, and it makes you cough right after. Sicheng rubs your chest for comfort. “I think you’ll be fine without one, Sicheng.”

Soon enough, you’re both tucked into bed, your room dark and quiet and warm. The snow is still coming down outside, and it’ll probably be high enough to build a snowman with by the time morning comes. You’ll save all that for when you get better, though.

Sicheng wraps his arm around your waist, pulling you closer into his body and tucking you against him as if sheer proximity could cure you of your cold. You smile softly at his actions and tuck your face into his chest, drifting into a sleep that’s more peaceful than any you’ve had in days.

Maybe it won’t cure your sickness, but it is definitely mending the sadness you’d been feeling for so long.

[imagine-all-the-imagines]

Imagine going into labor while Casey is away at a conference. Part two!

Warnings: Slight pregnancy issues, if I missed any, let me know. 

Summary: You are pregnant with your first child and your girlfriend, Casey, is away at a conference. You weren’t expecting anything to happen, but the little human inside you had other plans.

Based on this request: “Maybe Casey’s gf is heavily pregnant (7/8 months?) with their baby girl. Casey has a conference in a different state (which she only reluctantly went to bc rn her gf is ever so clingy) R hangs out with Alex (godmother of the baby?) but suddenly has (false) labor contractions Alex panics, calls Casey who freaks out;all flights are heavily delayed. Alex calls Liv for help and R just misses Casey really badly add ur own twist? :)”

AN: Somehow this got to be over 3,000 words. 3,059 to be exact. I hope you like it!

________________________________________________________________

After having the bombshell of twins dropped on you, you and Casey walked out of the doctor’s office and down the street. You were both pretty silent as you walked without really paying attention to what was around you.

It was Casey that finally stopped you, she had grabbed your arm and gently brought you to a pause. “Y/N, are you ok? I know we weren’t expecting it, but this is great, more to love, right?”

You gave Casey a small smile, “You’re right, I just honestly didn’t think this would happen, we kept putting it off because I asked you to, and then suddenly, bam, twins! And on top of this, we have to plan the wedding!”

Casey ran her hands reassuringly up and down your arms. “We can do this. You’re one of the most organized humans I know, and I have some time off that I’ve saved up. I can take the time off to make sure everything gets ready in time and to make sure you don’t run yourself ragged.”

You smiled at brighter at Casey, “And this is why I love you. You always know how to calm me down. I just know I’ve got you to lean on if I need it.”

Casey gave you a small kiss, “And you always will, even without these rings. I’m not going anywhere.”

________________________________________________________________

When you got back to work, your entire squad was waiting to hear the news. Liv had a huge smile on her face and had placed a gift bag with balloons on your desk. You let out a laugh and shook your head at the squad.

“You guys are far too good to me, but before I open this, there’s some news!” You explained, lightly pulling on the balloon strings, “We’re having twins!”

There was a moment of complete silence before Liv let out an excited laugh and wrapped you in a hug. “Oh my gosh, this day just got better and better. Congratulations!”

Fin and Elliot came up next and both gave you a hug and offered their congratulations. Looking at everyone, you pulled Liv off to the side.

“So, I feel like this should be obvious, but I was wondering if you would be the godmother of one of the twins? We decided not to know what the genders were, but I just know that if they have you, they’ll have the biggest extended support system a pair of twins could hope for. Casey is asking Alex today at work. We’d be honored if you would say yes.”

Liv nodded, tears slightly coming up in her eyes. “I would love to, Y/N. Thank you.”

“Good,” you smiled, “That means you two are in charge of the gender reveal, which you already knew about. But now it’s official!”

________________________________________________________________

Your first trimester seemed to be flying by and the day of your gender reveal came before you could even blink. You felt like the days bled into one another, and meanwhile, you felt yourself growing larger and larger.

Casey had been by your side through all the morning sickness and emotions flying all over the place. You honestly weren’t sure how you would have done it without her.

Now, you were standing in front of your mirror, smoothing the floral dress over your bump. You were lost in thought when Casey come up behind you, wrapping her arms and round you and covering your hands with hers.

“What are you thinking about?” She asked with a quiet voice.

You leaned your head back onto her shoulder, “Just wondering about what they’re going to be like. You know? I’m growing two complete humans in here, I just want to know what they’ll be like already. But I’m also incredibly nervous for all of this.”

You turned in Casey’s arms and wrapped your arms around her, nuzzling into her neck. Casey gently stroked your hair and gave you a reassuring squeeze, “I know you’re dealing with a lot, more than I can even fathom, but I hope you know I’m here for you every step of the way, and I can’t wait to figure this all out together.”

The two of you stood like that for a few minutes before Casey pulled away, “We should head downstairs, Liv and Alex are probably ready to get this thing started.”

You laughed and nodded taking Casey’s hand, “Let’s not keep them waiting then. I’m ready to figure out what’s growing inside me!” You paused for a moment before laughing, “That makes it sound like I don’t know they humans, like maybe I’m expecting dinosaurs or something!”

You and Casey shared a laugh as you into the living room and saw your friends and co-workers packed together. There was a mesh of pinks and blues everywhere with each person sporting pink or blue to broadcast their guess to the public. Liv was sporting a nice blue blouse while Alex had on a light pink skirt. Casey had chosen a light pink blouse and when you saw the face painting supplies, she allowed you to paint little pink hearts on her cheeks.

You had made yourself a flower crown to go with your dress and when people asked what you were hoping for, you gestured to the pink and blue flowers on your crown and just said, “It doesn’t matter to me, so long as they’re healthy.”

There were a few games, guessing what items were in the diaper bag, baby bingo, and guessing whose baby pictures belongs to whom. The best one was seeing Elliot’s baby picture, turns out he’s had a permanent from since the day he was born.

Finally it was time to pass you the cupcakes. Liv and Alex warned everyone not to bite into their cupcakes until you and Casey had gone first.

When you were handed your cupcake, you felt a flutter of nerves hit your stomach and you subconsciously rubbed your hand over the little lives in your womb.

Looking at Casey, you both grabbed the handle of a fork and brought it down, making the candies in the center spill out. When you looked down to see them, your face spilt into a happy grin looking at the light blue candy pieces spill out.

“Looks like baby number one is a boy!” Liv called out, letting out a cheer. “Time for cupcake number two!”

You and Casey repeated the process and Liv let out another cheer, “It’s another boy!”

You looked at Casey, worried that she would be upset about not having a little girl. But to your surprise, she was looking at you with a smile to rival your own. “ Y/N, we’re going to have two little rascals running around. I hope we’re ready for it.”

You laughed and looked around, “We might need to get a bigger place. You know, I always wanted boys. I just didn’t want to jinx it!”

The rest of the shower went by with plenty of laughs and congratulations, Elliot offered to give you parenting tips whenever you needed it and Liv and Alex volunteered for babysitting whenever you and Casey needed a moment to yourselves.

After everyone had left, you felt yourself getting overwhelmed with emotion and found yourself wiping away a few happy tears while Casey went around the apartment cleaning and organizing everything. You had offered to help and she had all but put you on the couch herself, saying that you had done enough today and that you needed the rest.

You knew that no matter what would happen, as long as you had your support system, you all would be fine.

________________________________________________________________

The morning that Casey left for the conference you were a mess. She had told you about it about a month ago and you had been fine with it, but as the conference got closer, so did your due date. You were about eight months along and you were worried that something would happen while Casey was gone.

Casey had assured you that no matter what, she would only be a phone call away. And if you needed anything, she would be on the first flight back to you.

Liv and Alex promised that they would stay with you whenever they could and they were there the morning that Casey left, immediately offering you tea and pastries along with a day of TV binging.

After a few hours of TV with the girls, you got a call from Casey, letting you know that she had made it to the hotel and that she was already missing you and the boys. You let her know that Liv and Casey hadn’t left your side and that they were taking care of you. She laughed and asked you to pass along her thanks to the women.

________________________________________________________________

That night was the first night you had to sleep in your bed without Casey in at least a year and a half. To say that it wasn’t a peaceful sleep would be a lie, it was simply miserable, you ended up getting one of Casey’s sweaters and wrapped it around you, letting yourself drift off to sleep surrounded by the comfort of Casey’s perfume.

The next day you woke up with an ache in your bones, assuming it was due to the increased weight of the twins, you went about your day like normal. Getting dressed and ready to go into the station, you felt a pull in your back as you were putting on your shoes. Gently rubbing your back, you looked down at the bump that was your twins.

“No, you don’t get to do this today, Momma’s only been gone one day. I miss her too, though.” You rubbed your stomach, hoping to calm the boys.

As you walked out the door, you saw Alex and Liv waiting outside your door, a cup holder holding your usual morning cup of tea.

“You ready to go Y/N?” Alex asked, looping her arm through yours and rubbing her free hand over your stomach, “You ready for desk duty boys? I know it’s your mom’s favorite thing to do.” She shot a wink at you.

Liv laughed next to you and swatted Alex on the arm and then addressed your stomach as well, “Don’t listen to Auntie Alex, your mom is one of the best detectives we have, but she has to stay safe for you two.”

You smiled at the two women, “Thank you, both of you, you all have been lifesavers this whole time, and I know that Casey has only been gone a day, but you two have already made it easier.”

The three of you started your walk down the stairs towards the street. Liv called a cab and the three of you piled in, you in the middle so Liv could help you out when you got to the station.

After Alex had been dropped off and you and Liv had made it to the station, you were at your desk, looking up addresses of potential suspects when you felt it. There was a sharp pain in your back that seemed to wrap its way around to the front of your pelvis.

You let out a sharp gasp and looked up to see who was around. Locking eyes with Liv, she saw the panic and immediately came towards you, “Y/N? What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know,” You managed to get out through gritted teeth, “Something doesn’t feel right Liv.”

Liv was immediately on the phone calling a bus to come get you. “I’ve got you Y/N, Elliot is going to call Casey and Fin is on the phone with Alex already, you’re not alone in this ok?”

You felt the tears pricking at your eyes, “Liv, I’m scared.” You whimpered.

________________________________________________________________

When the bus got there, you were still in pain, it seemed to come and go, but it was still there.

Liv went with you in the bus and held your hand the whole way. You let the tears fall when you got to the hospital and thought of Casey, you needed her here with you. You knew you had your support system, but the woman you loved was nowhere around.

After being admitted and checked out by the doctor, Liv and Alex were able to come in and see you.

“Hey, the doc said that we could come in for a bit, he said that you were asking for us?” Liv said, using her gentle voice that she saved for the scared victims she spoke with. If you weren’t in the pain you were in, you probably would have called her out on it.

“Liv, Alex, thank God you’re here, please don’t leave the room again, I talked to the doc, he’s ok if you stayed in here. I can’t do this alone, has anyone talked to Casey?” You asked, worry laced in your voice.

________________________________________________________________

Casey had been in the middle of watching a presentation when she had been told that she had a call, at first she had been annoyed, but when she heard what it was about, her face paled and she all but sprinted out of the conference to the hotel.

Throwing all her items in her suitcase, Casey made it to the airport in record time, completely oblivious to the storm clouds gathering in the sky.

When she got to the airport, Casey practically crumpled when she was told that for the time being, all flights were cancelled due to the storms around them.

“You don’t understand, my fiancé is having an emergency! I have to get back to New York!” She said, slamming her hand on the counter as tears started to fall from her eyes. “I have to be there.”

The woman at the counter offered Casey a sincere apology with a heartfelt smile. She could see how desperate the red haired woman was.

Walking away from the counter, Casey went up to a pay phone and called the hospital, asking to be transferred to Y/N’s room. Liv answered and handed the phone to Y/N.

________________________________________________________________

“Case? Are you coming home?” You asked, the fear very present in your voice.

There was a sad sigh and a sniffle on the other end of the line, “I tried Y/N, there’s no flight’s going out, there’s a big storm coming in. I’m sorry baby, I’m not making it home tonight.”

You tried to keep the tears at bay, “I’m scared Casey, I don’t know if I can do this without you, Liv and Alex are here, but I need you.”

Casey broke hearing the fear in Y/N’s voice, “Y/N, you can do this, you are strong and when the doctor comes back and tells you what’s going on, you will do whatever you need to do. You have Liv and Alex, and you know I’m always with you, even if I’m stuck far from you.”

________________________________________________________________

Casey felt a tap on her shoulder, turning, she saw the woman who she had talked to at the counter.

“Ma’am? I was able to get you a ticket on a fight leaving in ten minutes. It’s the last flight out before everything gets grounded, you might have to run to make it.”

Casey looked at this woman in disbelief. And then sprang into action. Giving the woman a quick hug, Casey took the ticket and got to the gate showing them the ticket and getting on the plane with only moments to spare.

As the plane took off, Casey could only hope that she would make it back home before anything happened.

________________________________________________________________

Y/N listened carefully as the doctor spoke, apparently nothing was seriously wrong, the boys were fine, but the weight of the twins had caused a spasm in your back that you had apparently hadn’t noticed and while you kept working, the spasm had gotten worse until it had caused a serious muscle injury. The doctor explained that this meant you would be on bed rest for the remainder of your pregnancy.

You let out a breath that you didn’t realize that you had been holding. Your brain had been preparing you for the worst.

Suddenly, you heard a commotion outside the room, looking at the door cautiously, you couldn’t help but cry out when you saw Casey push through the door.

“Case! What are you doing here?”

Case rushed up to you, cradling your face in her hands. “I had a guardian angel working at the airport, they got me on the last flight out.”

You and Casey remained like that as you explained everything that happened and what the doctors said.

When you were able to be discharged, Casey got you home and into bed. From that moment on, you always had someone in the house with you, Casey, Liv, Alex, Elliot, Fin, and even Cragen all took turns, making sure that you had everything you needed.  

________________________________________________________________

A month passed without any other scares and one morning you and Casey were relaxing in bed, you were drinking tea and Casey was drinking her coffee when you felt it, a rush pain hit your abdomen and you gasped.

“Casey, I think we need to change the sheets.” You said trying to laugh through the feeling of your water breaking.

Casey was out of bed immediately, calling a bus and then Liv and Alex. Helping you out of bed, Casey grabbed the go bag and helped you down the stairs, making it down to the front as the bus got to the apartment.

________________________________________________________________

The pain you had felt a month ago was nothing compared to what you felt as you tried to push the little bodies out of you. Casey stood by your side the entire time, coaching you through everything and trying to keep you calm.

When it was all over and done with, you and Casey looked at down at the little boys peacefully dozing in your arms.

The squad crept in, bringing balloons and flowers and a whole mess of other baby items. You introduced the squad to the boys, Travis and Patrick.

As the squad took turns holding and looking at the babies, you felt yourself surrounded by the love and warmth of you family and friends, and you let your eyes slip closed, knowing that your family was complete, safe, and healthy. 

[hxrringtonss]

Idk if you are taking requests but could you write about Robin and reader losing their virginities and being very soft and awkward or something like that

anon said: Hc for Robin losing her virginity?

˚

this would be hella sweet i love this so much

so obviously this wasn’t just a one-time thing

you’d been dating for a little while

& you’d been into each other for way longer than that

but you two had never had sex

you’d gotten close, of course, in heat of the moment make-outs

or times when you’d accidentally fallen into her lap on the couch

but you’d always stopped before anything got too far

this time was different

she was hovering over you with you pressed against the bed on your back

the both of you were bare except for underwear

and your shorts, which robin was now sliding off

down over your thighs

you kicked them over your ankles and drew your hands up to grasp her jaw

“okay?” you asked between kisses

her mouth was always so soft, so perfect

you could never get tired of kissing her

“okay”

she confirmed her answer in little more than a breath, her hands pressed against your waist

her fingers trailed down your stomach, towards where you needed her most

you looked at her with adoration in her eyes

“i don’t know what the fuck i’m doing,” she’d admit

and it made you giggle a little

dragging your hands through her pretty hair

“me neither, it’s okay,” you could only focus on the silver-blue of her eyes, the slope of her lips, the way her fingers were slipping down your abdomen, “it feels good,” you encouraged

that would make her smile and kiss you again

she always tasted sweet, like peach lip-gloss and stolen ice-cream

as her fingers slipped down to your bare thigh

your breaths both heavy and uneven

hearts beating fast

you lifted your fingers up to trace the curve of her spine

the way it rose gently by her shoulders

your hands ran over the slopes of her shoulders, her smooth skin

and grazed down her chest

over the swell of her breasts

to circle over her nipples

pulling them slightly into your hands

you felt her fingers over your underwear

grazing gently

she very carefully slipped them inside the fabric

it made you gasp out into her mouth

for a few moments, she just rubbed her fingers over you

so close

“please,” you murmured, letting her know it was okay for her to do so

you were so wet that it was easy to press her fingers into you

sliding her first one in right up to the knuckle

when she moved it inside you?

oh god that was fucking incredible

it had you whimpering softly against her lips

“does that feel good?” she asked

“mhmm. really good”

it was a little hard for you to get your words out, air was getting caught in your throat

“fuck”

her fingers really were perfect

your thumb ran over her hard nipple as you arched your back a little

she made a soft noise of appreciation

kissed the edge of your lips as she pressed her fingers in further

and left a trail of kisses from your mouth to across your cheek and jawline

it made heat spread through your body

warm and delicious

you let out a needy noise, bucking your hips up

her other finger grazed down your stomach as you ran your fingers over her skin

hot and smooth

her breathing was fast

“wait”

she stopped immediately, raising her head from where she’d been kissing up your neck

“what’s wrong baby?”

her blue eyes were so pretty, so wonderous

“nothing, i just…” you bit your lip a little

you gripped her hips and sat up, locking her thighs with yours, so you half sat on her lap

“i want to be able to touch you easily too”

her eyes softened, and you moved in again, capturing her mouth with yours

as her fingers ran back down your hips

to slip inside you again

making you rub your thighs against hers a little

you kept toying with her breasts for a few moments

squeezing them beneath your hands

and pinching her nipples

the ragged breaths coming from her lips were so pretty

and shit her fingers were so long and good inside you

like how the hell was this her first time?

because yeah the movements were awkward and sloppy

but fuck they hit the right spots

her breaths only got quicker as you dragged your fingers down her stomach

circling her bellybutton, pressing past her hipbones

you slipped your hand inside her underwear

loving the noise she made

the little, “oh god”

you tightened your thighs over hers, looping your foot beneath one of them

her fingers felt better this way, angled upwards just right

you curled your own inside her

the mouth that came out of her mouth then was so pretty

you lurched forward and tried to capture her mouth

your teeth clashed together a little

it hurt for a second and robin snorted

you giggle a little too, “shut up”

and effectively did when your thumb grazed over her clit

and her laughs turned into a small whine

her hips jolting up

her fingers pressed harder into you, thumb grinding into your clit

it made you breathe out, “fuck, you’re really good at this”

you dropped your face into her neck, feeling the way her body trembled slightly beneath you

“that’s good,” she replied, and you just started laughing again

because what the fuck, was this her dirty talk?

she flushed pink a little and silenced you by lifting your chin and kissing you on the lips again

you just smirked softly

bc wow she was such a dork

your fingers hit that perfect angle inside her

and she moaned out

a little high, desperate sound that went right to your heat

your name was caught in her whine somewhere

your free hand ran across her shoulder blades

smoothing out over the indents and bones

her skin was so soft, so delightful

your face pressed into her shoulder again

“oh,” she moaned, some kind of strangled-out sound

now, it seemed she couldn’t stop making noises

and you couldn’t either

there was something so hot about moaning, and hearing her moan too

it threatened to push you over the edge

as her fingers struck your g-spot

you sunk your teeth down in a sensitive spot on her shoulder

feeling the way she squirmed

she was so wet now, how was it possible for a girl to be so wet?

her body was wonderous

the way the muscles in her stomach clenched

how her thighs trembled a little in anticipation

god, she was so beautiful

her moans were soft, little open-mouthed sounds

whimpering and shaky

increasing in pitch as you kept curling your fingers against her g-spot

they sounded tortured

it was breathtaking

“mmmm” she made another one of those high, drawn-out sounds

you felt the way her thighs ground up against yours

their trembling

how her pretty little moans grew dragged out and wavering

her spare hand gripped your waist so tight

she was shaking all over:

“fuck. i think… i think i’m going to cum”

and the pleasure in your stomach was growing, crashing

it spread heat across your skin

a kind of pretty, sweet feeling, like honey

it made your back stretch, your face press into the crook of her neck harder

the moan you let out then she would have found so pretty

right into her skin, mouth fallen open

a pulled out, wrecked sound

“me too”

god, the way she would have pushed her hips forward and sunk herself fully onto your fingers then

a mess of moans and whimpers

you’d probably cum first

and then her a moment later

with a long whine and her gripping your breast in a single free hand

god it would wreck her

and when you’d rode out your orgasms on each other’s fingers

the both of you would lie back on the bed

breathless

her hair was spread out around her head

her chest still falling and rising quickly as she looked up at the ceiling with a faint smile across her lips

you were virtually in the same position

a warm, relaxed feeling having overtaken your senses

“fuck, that was amazing”

she murmured a hum in agreement beside you, “yeah. almost as good as when i saw a new hope for the first time”

that would have you turning towards her with a smile, where she was already starting to grin

“oh my god, shut up, you’re such a dork”

you grabbed her face and kissed her

thIS TURNED OUT SUPER SOFT WOW we love awkward gfs

send me smut prompts to write as headcanons / blurbs !

[moonlight-dragon]

Allurance - Roommates AU (Home is where you are) CHAPTER 1

1733 words | Next Chapter

Lance sighed, burying himself in the couch while he waited for the arrival of his new roommate. Not like it was exactly his choice, but the conclusion of quite of a lot of coincidences.

When he had moved from Cuba, he knew he was going to share wherever place he found to live. Not because paying the bills would be easier -well, yes, that was rationally the reason- but because he wouldn’t be able to live in an empty house, no when he was so used to share everything with his brother, his sisters, his nephews, his mom, his dad, his abuela… He needed to feel there was people around him like he needed the sea of Varadero’s Beach, and his mom’s garlic knots.

And so, he felt so lucky finding Hunk, and later Keith as his roommates. Hunk was so friendly and an amazing cook and the nice scent always flooding the house whenever he cooked helped to not feel so homesick. That boy was a genius! Eating at home always felt like going to a fancy restaurant, every single day. Lance had had his trouble convincing him but felt so proud when Hunk finally chose a culinary minor apart from his engineering major. He did really enjoyed it and man, that was all Lance wanted.

Keith was a later incorporation. Lance at first didn’t exactly enjoyed his company, because they were rivals and the mullet guy didn’t even remember it, always being so emo and not able to understand basic stuff - “I say Vol- and you say -tron”, what was there to not understand? -. But getting to know him, he wasn’t that of an asshole. He was supportive, in his own weird way, and could be a good laugh when he wanted to. Even his mullet wasn’t that bad after all.

But then the coincidences came, and he couldn’t help to feel like the world was plotting against him. Keith’s brother, Shiro, had been recently rescued from a mission in Iraq after a year being assumed death. He had gone with Keith to the hospital, wanting to support his friend and the state they found Shiro in left his devasted. He was missing an arm and was haunted by nightmares he couldn’t quite control -the doctors had to sedate him, so he didn’t turn violent. He wouldn’t have known what to do, but Keith, Keith showed such strength that made Lance realize he was never giving up on his brother. And so, it made sense that he moved home with him, he would have never dared to stop him. But Hunk, man, Hunk had totally betrayed him!

*

“Lance, I had this planned before Keith’s moving”

“Ah, vavavva, shut up! You’ve no right of saying anything when you’re leaving me, so you can move with your girlfriend. Betrayal!”

“Dude, you were happy about us when I told you.” Lance made a pout, cause that’s exactly how he had felt. Shay was that rare kind of people that seemed so pure for this world. And by the way they acted whenever she came to their flat, he knew they were so so in love… he secretly wished to one day find something like what they had.

“I know… It’s just, I’d be so lonely” he finally admitted, feeling Hunk’s hand on his shoulder. When he turned, he could feel the big boy’s arms around him, in a way it reminded him of his whole family in those big hugs they did when someone felt down. He was going to miss his friends so much.

*

While he was helping Hunk moving with the help of Shay, he overhead them talking and when he stepped into the room he saw them smiling way too much in his direction. Shay came to help with the boxes, lifting them like they barely weighted a thing. That girl was strong.

Cute and strong.

Lance always joked about how he loved girls who could pick him bridal style and jokingly flirted with Shay, winking at her while telling her that if she wasn’t going out with his best friend, he would totally be at her feet. That always made the girl giggle. Because even if Lance seemed like a flirty lover boy, she knew that wasn’t true at all. Lance was a gentleman to the core. He simply made those comments to make her laugh, overdoing those finger guns everyone secretly adored.

“Hunk told me you’d kinda feel lonely. I’m sorry I’m taking him from you.”

“What?! No Shay, please, don’t apologise for such thing! You both thought about it months ago and I know how happy it makes Hunk and you” he smiled, but Shay could still see the sadness that smile was trying to hide. “Now I’d have the whole flat for myself, living the single’s life. Girls out there get ready for Lancy-Lance!”

Shay shacked her head, stepping closer to him knowing that what she was about to ask was just right.

“So, you wouldn’t mind sharing the flat with a girl, am I right?”

*

Shay explained him about her own roommate, Allura. When she talked about moving with Hunk, Allura said she had a place to stay and fully supported her friend. But something had happened with said place and Allura had found herself alone with a flat she couldn’t afford and 4 mice. Lance didn’t quite understand the mice part but kept listening. He kinda was in the same situation as Shay’s friend, and being honest, he’d love some company.

Being alone, well, that wasn’t Lance McClain’s thing.

Also, it was Shay the one asking him. He knew she wouldn’t be friends with anyone, less share a flat with them. And for what Hunk had told him, Allura was a really nice girl. And so, he found himself waiting for her to arrive in her car.

He barely knew anything about her. Just her name and that she owed 4 mice. He smiled to himself, imagining sharing his flat with someone Cinderella-like. Would her clothes turn into rags at midnight too?

He was thinking about it when he heard a knock in the door. Shit, he had been sitting by the window so he could see her arrive, for nothing. He rushed to the door, opening it to find himself facing a pile of boxes. He was going to say something when he felt them gravitate towards him. He extended his arms, trying to catch the body behind them.

He felt something warm against his chest, lowering his gaze to find the most beautiful blue eyes he had ever seen staring at him. They were like galaxies, with confusion shinning inside them. Lance felt his checks burning hot, and his mouth trying to articulate words that never formed in his lips. The stranger beat him to that.

“I’m sorry, looks like I tripped” she smiled, and Lance felt like his heart had stopped. She was so so beautiful “Thank you for catching me.”

“Oh, yes, well, no need to thank!” he finally said, clearing his throat as he gently let her body go, making sure she was steady standing in her feet. “Allura, right?”

“Yes!” she answered with so much enthusiasm Lance felt his knees go weak. “Lance if I’m correct”

“Yup, the one and only. At your service, my lady” he theatrically bowed, giving her a shining smile that faced as soon as he straightened up. “Please come in. Sorry I wasn’t at the door when you arrived, I’d have helped you with the boxes… that are all in the floor. But I didn’t hear anything cracking so they should be fine…”

“Yes, don’t worry, it’s all clothes” she stepped inside, dodging out the boxes as Lance guided her to the centre of what seemed the living room. The floor was wood’s, with the walls painted in blue and white, the same as the furniture, so many plants and big windows with coloured wood that somehow give a Cuban vibe. Well, it made sense as Lance was from there, or so said Shay.

“Your room in this way” Lance said, leading her to an empty space with a small balcony and its own bathroom. “Hunk and I used to sleep here, but as you’re a girl I thought it would give you more privacy, and so I’m staying at Keith’s room now. It’s too blue I suppose. Keith always said this room was like stepping into an ocean, vah, he is too emo to understand the amazingness of blue… oh, but you can paint the walls whatever colour you like, just say the word and we change it!”

Allura blinked, overwhelmed by all the information that left his lips in so little time. When he finally looked her way, expecting some kind of response, Allura was moved by eyes she had not realized were blue before. Blue like an ocean after a storm, so deep it almost felt as if you’d drown in them if you stared too much.

“Oh, but I do like blue” she smiled, making Lance smile as well, giving her a proud look as if only them knew the true value of the colour blue. Allura giggled a little. Shay was right, he was cute indeed.

“Okay! So, let’s bring all your stuff blue-lover-friend!”

And at that, Allura couldn’t help to laugh in a way she had never done in a long time.

*

“These are Platt, Chulatt, Plachu and Chuchule” she explained with the mice in her hands, showing them to Lance as he left the last box in the floor. “They say it’s an honour to share an apartment with you.”

“So, the mice thing was true” he said, stepping closer to see the mice. He extended a finger to them, mimicking a handshake with their tiny paws. They made a cute noise, which made Lance laugh lightly. “You wouldn’t happen to lose footwear around, do you?”

“No” she raised her eyebrow, mimicking the one Lance had in his own face. “And neither do my carriages turn into pumpkins and my clothes into rags when it’s past midnight.”

Lance couldn’t help to laugh. She had caught his reference! And answered him with such grace! If he had any doubts about her being his roommate, they were all gone. Sharing the apartment with her would be an honour, as the “mice” had said.

N O T E S

banner credit: scientists confirm cuddling with ur gf to be the best feeling in the universe by @cherryandsisters

about it: well it’s a roommate AU -wow, don’t tell me, right?-, in which I picture Lance and Allura sharing an apartment and the different situations they find themselves into with said sharing. “Home is where you are” is like another name for this series.

I’m not sure about the estructure, probably they will chapters following a major plot line but developving independent stories in each of them. Something like revealing little details that will converge into the final chapter? Well, I hope reading the whole thing would be self-explanatory... The lenght of each chapter would vary a lot as well, depends on the inspiration and how the story evolves.

The pov would be changing between Lance’s and Allura’s depending mostly of what character I want to look at the situation with. I mean, that depends on which eyes I want to borrow so is that character the one mixing its feelings with the narrative... something like that.

IMPORTANT THING -> English is not my first language so probably there would be mistakes, like totally, is like a thing you’ve to accept if you keep reading the story. Also when using the Spanish in the fic, it’d probably resemble more the Castillian Spanish than the one used in Cuba -of course I’d try to keep it as accurate as possible- because the first one is my mother tongue and I will rely more on what I speak.

Here are some notes/major plot lines I intend to follow, maybe with some edits to them:

i thought i was safe speaking in my native tongue about you. turns out you took (insert language) as a school elective for 7 years and know pretty much everything i’ve been saying about your beautiful eyes and ass...

you’re hot and i talk about you over the phone with my friends all the time using a code name that we thought was really clever, but it’s actually really obvious and you’ve known all about my Huge Crush on you this whole time and that’s why you’ve been walking around half naked so much

my mom/dad/parent/sibling is in town and is crashing with me, therefore us, and they’re convinced that we’re secretly dating

i have a mad crush on you so i’m going to keep bringing people over to make u jealous but you either don’t give a fuck or are pretending not to notice

bonus notes: I’ve been collecting reference material for the apartment’s appereance aka Pinterest photos and drawings of people’s houses and bedrooms. Because descriptions are easier when you’ve something to describe or at least a concept. As the story keeps going I would make collages and probably even try interior design -I’ll draw the apartment, cause yeah, who cares if I’ve never done it before?!-. I’ll add as well photos for stuff I think could be relevant, such as the clothing or maybe, pufff, the hairstyles?

I’m a visual person and I think having references helps a lot to picture the story on your mind. So I’ll do that, so you can see what I see when I’m writing... or something like that.

Hope you guys enjoy this fic and I’d love to ear your opinions about it. Any questions, ideas, headcannons or suggestions are always welcome!

[abnormal-angel]

The U.S. Open Papping Train Wreck:

Okay, I felt I had to post something publicly about the train wreck that was the papping of Norman and queen of bitch yesterday, since so many of you are wondering what is going on. 

1.The Papping of Norman (Again): Most people agree looking at the papping pictures that they look staged af. The more she does this to him the more, the more it looks like one desperate attempt after another to to try and prove they are a “loving couple.” Too bad she has resting bitch face in most of the pictures and he looks awkward as fuck being papped, like he wants to run. Funny the staged “happy” smile she put on for the jumbotron was not seen the rest of the day. 

2. The Gross Staged Kiss: Man, it is like pap walk of shame all over again and I know you are all feeling it. The first “kissing” pic that came out was legit fake, they were staging it. Their lips weren’t even touching and he was hiding that by his sweatshirt. The other two that came out that showed their lips touching, reminded me of the pap walk. He legit is just standing there awkwardly while she does all the work. And please, she is forcing herself to kiss him, it looks so awkward and not anything like a loving kiss. I mean jesus is that how you would kiss him? Hell no! Staged af.

3. The AMC Handler: Today more pics come out and we see that Norman arrived with Jill, the AMC handler he took to the same open last year. She sat with him and dk, as if it were just a friendly outing. I am hearing the staged PDA didn’t start till Jill left. I guess dk knew that AMC was watching her ass and she pulled her shit when she was gone only. Otherwise, all the pap pics till then legit looked like two friends, near strangers, watching the game. She of course smiled directly at the camera because she is the one who paid them to be there, you can tell when she knows her paps are taking her pic vs when legit press is. The one with his arm awkwardly around her i think was legit press and they looked miserable together, because that is how they really are together. But, when she is spinning her rag /pap bullshit she is acting so “in love.” It is so fake it is so obvious. I again, really worry for Daryl in this shit storm she has created because we know the network hates her papping shit. So another hit at his career for her! Yep, totally something you do to someone you “love.” -_- What is she going to do if he gets kicked off? She will lose his name recognition. Which, let’s be honest is all she wants out of him.

4. It Doesn’t Add Up: He didn’t walk the carpet with her, he went in with the handler. Why? If he was using this to out them publicly why not pose with your supposed gf and not meet inside? I doesn’t add up. Why does she always have to pap him every time she is seen with him? I legit am starting to think this entire thing is a show they are putting on or she is for press. We know her Cannes win got her delusional enough to thinking she has a chance at an Oscar nod. I think hell would have to freeze over for that, from what I hear elite Hollywood thinks of her, she is a laughing stock and dragging Norman’s name down with her. 

None of his behavior up till Costa was saying he was remotely interested in her. She kept showing up unannounced, knowing she wasn’t supposed to be in GA, doing it anyway. Most every weekend he told her to fuck off, only a couple he let her ass stick around (Memorial Day/Moth Gate - Cookie Gate he drove her ass out of state, and road trip fro awkward af “you call that love” hell). The rest he has consistently told her to stay away from him and out of GA. We know he told her to fuck off on the 4th of July weekend and ran away from her to upstate. The facetime papping, well Shadi seemed to prove that was surely a papping he didn’t know about and on set, which again got him in a shit ton of hot water. But, she doesn’t care she got her pic.

She was hella pissed no one believed her facetime shit and I hear it effected her Leroy job, getting her part cut down. She was fucking pissed he didn’t answer his phone and that she had to fake a facetime with him and it looked fake af too. Guess she doesn’t have a graphic artist on her payroll lol. Then after that she begged to go to Costa. He told her to be good. What did she do? Out their location day one and out andy and greg’s location. I hear another argument over that. Then they were barely seen together except the charity thing and her papping bullshit. Where she proceeded to pap Andy and his family, driving a huge wedge between the two. Andy hates paps and never wants his kids papped, I hear he is beyond pissed. Again, something a “loving” gf does? Nope. Norman walked off when he saw her bring her paps back, pissed, and another fight ensued. 

Then we have him ghosting her, aside from ig likes here and there, in real life since costa until now. I am hearing she skipped out on her movie premiere Thursday and flew to NYC instead. Probably, hoping to go to Mingus’s show. But, nope. She wasn’t there. Wouldn’t that be something he would bring his “loving gf” too? But, nope she didn’t go and was probably hella pissed he wouldn’t let her go and then the open happened.

There are two ways this could have gone down.

#1 - Norman wasn’t in on the papping at the open:

We know she has papped him several times before without his permission, so him not knowing she was bringing her paps is a possibility. If this is the case again she fucked him over. He could have said, sure come but as friends and nothing in the spotlight. And bang, she paps him again. She has a tendency not to give a fuck about his wants or wishes, she walks all over him and his friends and acts like she has done nothing wrong. Meanwhile, she is tanking his career and health.

#2 - Norman was in on the papping at the open:

The staged af kissing has me believing he might have agreed to the papping. If so. Why? They legit look miserable nearly all the time together. the Costa papping was painful, he looked miserable as fuck and then the bitch papped Andy and Greg.

So why would he be in on it?

This is the question no one knows yet. But, it could be they have an agreement to look like a “couple” in the public eye as she can’t admit she threw away JJ just to be a fuck buddy, a very casual one at that. Funny, how we know Norman has been with plenty of other women throughout the three years since Sky. Yet he hasn’t been seen with anyone female since the pap walk. Almost like it was agreed upon to make this thing look legit. We all remember the pap walk, it also was staged af. He was only happy coming out of the bar.

An agreement for her Oscar bullshit seems to make the most sense to me at this point. Because that is not love at all and they both know it, don’t tell me they don’t. She is miserable. He is miserable. But, they have to sell this image that they started in March. I think he really regrets that pap walk. Without it no one would ever have thought they were anything official. Again, she had to make it look like they hadn’t been already sneaking around for two years and that Norman was exclusive to her now, which I don’t believe is the case according to things I have heard. But, that is the illusion she is selling. 

Why Norman would go along I don’t know. I hear his depression is at a all time high. He is losing friends and family support left and right because of her shit and he has to hit the bottle every time she is around. He has aged 10 years in 1 because of her bullshit. I would hope that Norman sees that she wants him isolated so she can get away with bullshit just like this. She papped Andy to get him pissed at Norman, because she hated that Andy didn’t like her and knew she was bad news for him. She has brought his castmates into her bullshit for far too long and now everyone is shying away from him. Which I fear only pushed him further toward her and back to his toxic habits and life. You know she encouraged his heavy drinking and who knows what other toxic behaviors. Because, she gets her way, probably because she threatens to out those same behaviors to the public if he doesn’t play along.

5. Just Worried At This Point: At the end of the day, after all of this information we know, I am just really, really worried for him. She has fucked his career so bad, just by being associated with him and the cheating. He hasn’t gotten any offers since her bullshit. Daryl could very well be on the table right now with the network just done with her papping and rag bullshit. Notice she mentioned TWD in the latest daily mail article after the open last night, bet they will LOVE that. -_-

On top of all that his health has just nose dived with all the drinking he has to do to just be around her. It looked like he was yesterday too. And he is losing his close friends and family, who were there to help him cleanse his toxic before her. I believe he has fallen into a depression trap and legit doesn’t know how to get out. Everyone is shunning him, his twd family has lost respect and that has to kill him inside, and she just keeps showing up and won’t leave. 

I am wondering knowing all of this if, (if) he did make an agreement, maybe this is the only way she would leave. I mean you have to be spotted together and be seen to be a “couple,” and we know till recently he has hidden her and told her off (aside from the pap walk). Now this open thing when the media is actually talking about her for once. They legit aren’t seen much together and she keeps putting out articles about their “long distance relationship.” She is trying so hard to make them look like they are a couple, when in reality they do nothing a couple does. Does a couple need to pay paps to take their pic when they could have just posed out front? Nope. Does a bf not invite his gf to his son’s runway show? Nope. Does a gf pap her bf’s best friend, knowing he would blow his lid about it? Nope. Does a happy couple look miserable af when their own pap cam isn’t on them? Nope. 

It could also be dk made him feel guilty for being part of the reason JJ kicked her. Most people agree that Norman was just something on the side she did to try and make JJ jealous. That didn’t work. JJ ran. Probably, relieved someone else she had to leech on. She really hates that JJ didn’t take her back you can see this in all her rag shit. She just using Norman to get back at JJ and save face in Hollywood, imo.

What worries me in the end is his physical and mental health. He is an amazing man with a great heart, but he isn’t good at sticking up for himself. He needs to see what he is doing is hurting not only others, but more importantly, himself! I feel like he is in a pit of despair and for whatever reason can’t get out of her shit.

This is all for show. I am damn certain of that at this point. The reasons why he might go along with it? I am not sure. But an agreement of some kind seems to make the most sense at this time. We know she is the type to leak shit on people, so who knows if she has something on him or like I said, this is the only way she will let him go without dragging him through the mud after he leaves. His behavior has screamed he is done with her since May. This doesn’t add up to anything more than an agreement to me. Their behavior says it all. 

That ain’t love. Not even close.

[EDIT]: And sadly, her career only rises because of this and his will fall. Not that she cares. Because all she cares about is herself and whatever image she is selling this week. He needs to cut and run. She will do nothing but bad things for him, his relationships and friendships, and career.

-----

I think that is all I have on the subject lol. Sorry it was long, but I have been fielding questions all night and day, so I wanted to just lay it out there for you all to read. At the end of the day we agree her papping shit since costa came out of nowhere, as his behavior before that was showing he wasn’t with her and she was just showing up unannounced. So here are my thoughts. 

My advice to anyone who needs to step away, do it. I had to with JJ. I completely understand and it will save your sanity not to see her spinning her bullshit. But, at the end of the day that is all it ever is. Bullshit.

[dothewrite]

your angst is AMAZING. can i please have a scenario where kuroo thinks he's alone, so he cries, but then his gf startles him by giving him a hug from behind which leads her to comforting him and cuddling him until he falls asleep in her arms. i'm sorry, but boys who cry are my weakness and i WILL cry if they cry.

Purely emotional and with very little plot, I hope this satisfies your long-awaited angst cravings. I hope you enjoy!

He’s tried this, he’s thought this all through. It’s not an easy thing to admit you need, but Kuroo has, with trial and error, discovered the perfect place to cry alone. It doesn’t mean he spends all waking moment either playing volleyball or sobbing into the sleeve of his jersey, but everyone needs a moment alone sometimes, he thinks.

The cold, hard truth is- Kuroo Tetsurou is starting to crack, split at the seams, crumble into less than the dust of cremated dreams. It all sounds a bit dramatic to him when he thinks it out in his head, but there’s no hiding from the way his breath starts to stutter sometimes, the way his eyes seem to dim behind a veil of apathy and the way his words sound like ornaments instead of messages when they fall from his lips. It doesn’t feel dramatic at all, this fall from grace. It’s slow, pedantic, and it makes him feel like he’s running away when he finally takes a seat on the hard concrete, an unforgiving temperature from the evening chill the night before. The cold doesn’t shock him into awakeness or anything, because he can barely feel it against the numbness cradling his mind.

The sunrise is beautiful this morning, after a cold spell in Tokyo for the past week or so, and Kuroo lets the bone-wracking shiver run through his body, toes upwards. He’d usually want to take a picture of it, but today, he just sits and stares blankly into the purple and orange horizon. He turns on the music player on his phone, and a soft ballad starts to play in another language, something more hollow, more broken than the lyrical Tokyo-ben he’s surrounded with each day.

His music isn’t just an attempt at atmospheric background music as he sits and broods. No, this isn’t brooding when you feel absolutely nothing inside, and the music is his way of reminding himself that he’s alive. When he hums along, or bursts into small verses, it forces emotion back into him like a tidal rush of humanity, brightness squeezing in through the cracks of his broken heart.

(Sometimes he laughs, because he can feel his heart crack-crack-cracking like pebbles on a windowpane and he finds himself utterly ridiculous. How can someone’s heart be broken by nothing? He isn’t the drama queen everyone seems to think he is, and he’s not about to let himself start now.)

“Morning, Tetsu,” a soft voice floats from behind him and Kuroo stiffens in his seat. He knows this voice, intimately, blind and through his dreams, even, but he has tear tracks crusted on his cheeks and his breathing is a ragged mess.

What can he call this?

“Would you like a blanket?” Her voice comes again, this time infinitely closer and he can feel her small hands grazing his shoulders in an embrace he’s too tense to lean into. His expression is frozen, and he fixes his gaze onto the brightening sky in shame.

Fear, he decides, he calls this fear.

“You hate waking up early,” he tries laughing, but it’s feeble, and a blush of embarrassment rushes to his cheeks immediately, making him feel foolish for even trying. “I’m amazed you’ve figured this out.”

She doesn’t shift any closer than she already is. Barely pressed against him, the only thing he feels is her fingertips and her arm perching on his stoic shoulders and the places she touches burn underneath his skin. She’s waiting for him to touch her back, he knows this, like he knows everything about her- and, it appears, like how she knows everything about him too. Even this.

“I didn’t follow you, if that’s what you were worried about,” her voice is soothing, and as much as he absolutely can’t relax, Kuroo starts to thaw underneath her bottomless warmth. “I just… well, you were acting different lately. I just thought somewhere like this would be where you’d go, if I were in your shoes.”

“There’s no limit to your perceptiveness, huh?”

It was supposed to be teasing, but all he hears is bitterness and a tinge of fear that he doesn’t know if she picks up. He doesn’t find out, because she’s silent behind him for a few long seconds, her pulse in her fingertips the only thing moving.

“It’s cold today,” she finally says, and Kuroo feels like he’s aged a decade from suspense, “I brought a blanket. I’ll…” she pauses again and starts to shift backwards, “…see you later, if you’d like.”

“…Sorry,” he manages, after she’s taken several steps too far away from him. “It’s not like I don’t want you here, it’s just a bad time, y��know?”

A weight evaporates from his chest when he soon hears again her approaching footsteps. This time she doesn’t come to rest behind him, but instead takes a seat next to him, legs crossed in her usual fashion and her hands threaded together nervously. Kuroo has to hold back a snort there- if anyone was nervous, it’d be him, with his fragmented masculinity and possibly equally fragmented rationality. Still, he lets himself slump forward, the tension draining out of him and this time he opts to watch her fidgeting feet, shifting here and there like sand.

“You okay?” He’s the first to break the silence, and he hears her soft intake of breath in surprise.

“I… I think so,” she answers quietly from her spot next to his arm. “As long as you are.” Her head lifts, bangs blowing in what must be a chilly breeze, and her eyes meet his. They’re a lot firmer than he had expected, but he tenses and and makes a split second promise to stop running. To look her in the eye, to let her in like he had said he would when they had chosen to be together, instead of sitting here in his own misery, justifying it by saying it’s for her protection. Protecting no-one, misery only loves company, and she was right here with him, ready to be there if he falls.

Kuroo’s head hangs, and a small, but genuine smile creeps up onto his tear stained face. “When did you become this strong, hm?”

“I always was,” he can hear the grin in her voice, and even though it’s weak, the fear’s ebbing away drop by drop, and suddenly her warmth doesn’t feel like something that would burn him anymore. “You just pretended to be the one wearing the pants in the relationship.”

“Dang, whipping out the burns early in the morning. Did you come up with these on your way here?”

She doesn’t respond, and Kuroo doesn’t look away. In her eyes burn with the brightness of a dead star, in the twist of her lips rests the bones of an age old martyr, and she reaches one of those nervous, threaded hands and places one around the curve of his waist. God, it feels like relief and an offering wrapped into a single touch of affection, and Kuroo can’t stop the tears that bubble up from his throat and down his chin. For all it’s worth, he’s still looking at her, but her face is hidden behind a sheen of glistening daylight, and the lump in his throat feels like all the accumulated words he’d never dared to say out loud.

They don’t say a single thing after that. Her grip on his body tightens, and by the time she’s reaching out her other hand, swinging over a leg across his knees to keep her balance, he’s meeting her midway, collapsing his large frame into her small embrace. He’s crying now, just.. crying. As silently as he can, whimpers of submerged pain floating to the surface, shaking in her hold and he lets himself bury his ache into her shoulder, soaking her shirt bit by bit. Crying, instead of screaming, or wailing, or cursing, because sometimes there is a sadness so deep that he feels, anything other than simple, salty tears becomes inadequate.

He doesn’t move, but she does, shifting closer to him so that she’s pressed against his hip, dragging his torso closer into her as she can manage. Her hands are full of Kuroo, but she gathers more and more, taking purchase of his shirt and his belt loops until he’s spread over her and he can’t even find it in himself to mind that he feels like a child being comforted. It doesn’t matter, because he can feel the caress of fingers across his cheek, the soft circles rubbing into his back underneath his shirt, and between gasps he drags in a rough breath, her musky scent pulling him back to earth.

Neither of them have any clue how long they sit there for, the sky their only indication of time passing, but Kuroo can feel his lungs starting to fill up again, his ribs no longer heaving, and his eyes no longer throbbing from exertion. Slowly, the feeling of being a person becomes bearable again, and in her unwavering arms there grows a bud of courage that blooms in his stomach to face the day.

Kuroo closes his eyes once again, and counts his breaths. There are a thousand and one words he wants to say to her- six reasons why he’s sad, four dreams he still entertains, and one chance to tell her how he loves her.

A Kuroo-esque comment teases the tip of his tongue, but is lost when his heartbeat calms and the rise and fall of his chest takes on a slow rhythm. He falls asleep against her, head pressed underneath the veil of her hair, and she presses a shy kiss against his against his sleepy pulse before resting her head against his and dozing off together.

[defunctblogtobedeleted]

6/11/17, 1:41am - post vacation

It’s been two weeks since I last wrote. Goddamn it feels like months.

The day after saturday.... So Sunday my family shows up at my place, mom immediately starts going through my shit until I start yelling and smacking her on the back of the head. Definitely not a good note to start off on.

The trip was pretty fucking great. Idk if they’re highlights but I just wanna ramble off a bunch of memories. Ate at Cracker Barrel on the way down because Trusten always felt left out when me and Tessa would go eat there with my dad. Little did he know that was my least favorite place he would take us, but it was a nice dinner nonetheless lmao.  The subject of my vasectomy became a huge topic all trip, partially because I had to bring up trying to keep my shit from getting infected whenever we would go swimming. Immediately jumped into the beach though it was fantastic. The water was beautifully clear and so warm, like taking a bath. Got to know my cousins a lot better. Christina is great, but also made me happy I’m not about to have a kid at my age. Got to see my aunts and stuff too, I can’t rag on her too hard because one has cancer, but they were talking about some pseudo-spiritualism-science for a long time and I just had to smile and keep my mouth shut for a while. “I’ve read it takes 48 days for the spirit of the deceased to reach the heavens. And it takes 48 days for a developing baby to be imbued with the spirit. Coincidence??” yeah idk lmfao. Great dance party with the fam though lol. Tessa’s looking unhealthily skinny but tremendously happy. I’m glad she’s back and done with her crazy dieting. Puts me to shame, tbh. Kinda makes me want to go a little harder and finish trimming off my fat but I’ve got more healthy plans I’m gonna start working on I think. Saw danni and her new gf, she cut my hair and gave me a new dye job. Was frustrated that I had to have so much cut off because I wanted to keep growing it out, but it Does look pretty fucking great and I have faith in her regardless lol. Smoked with her and grandpa and mom and talked about a whole bunch of shit. Tried to explain about how I treasure my personal time way more than investing my time into growing my wealth, had to try and do it without giving him shit for spending all his time trying to make money and not having any of it left to himself after the divorce. Also asked if he was gay and he said nah so that puts that to bed lmaooo. we went out to the Keys and that was kind of a disaster. I always kinda romanticized the thought of them when I was a kid, remembering like bright white sandy beaches and beautiful water, but there’s actually not much of that at all down there. The beach we went to smelt like rot. It was beautiful but covered in seagrass and very shallow, me and tessa and tav and trusten had a nice time of swimming against the current together joking about shit. Made a nice dinner of fried salmon and asparagus for my little brothers. Felt nice to cook again, should probably do more of that. Things boiled over with my mom when she kept fucking with the other food I picked out for us. Wasted a whole pack of bacon out of spite and so I flipped shit and decided I was done with them. Spent a day playing video games and tanning and laying around, was probably best to heal up my nuts anyway lol. We left the keys a day early because of it, but not before we got to watch this tenacious D video that they had. No wifi lol. Lessee. Came back up, saw gabbi and I think I like her new bf. They seem pretty good together, but I tried to warn them to not nitipick each other to death now that they’re moving in together. Good luck lmfao. Drank 9 beers and a cider with my uncle DJ and cousin Dom and his girlfriend was cute too, I shared wayyy too much about my life, told half my family about how I had my friends photograph me fucking at the old well, but ate some delicious fucking italian cooking and had a wonderful night. Smoked with DJ and mom and listened to their old stories of growing up as kids and getting into trouble for smoking and stuff. Oh and right before the keys I started binge watching Doctor Who. Since Katy went and watched every single episode of rick and morty in one night I asked her what her favorite show was that I could do. Doctor Who is a Little more involved, but I’ve gotta say it’s fucking incredible. Fell in love with it within minutes, had me giggling like an idiot all week. I’d stay up til like 7am watching episodes, get a few hours of sleep and then try to do whatever everyone else was though by the end of the trip it wasn’t much. The drive home wasn’t very eventful, me and mom split it, and it ended at a nice pit stop at dar and pa’s for some pancakes and a nap before I had to head home. Was trying to do a melee tournament and see katy and found out I needed to get my tire fixed, but then costco was going to take too long and so would melee so I just got back to greensboro and had a nice night of watching adventure time and a little sex and cuddles. Pretty fucking solid vacation despite the fighting with the fam, not gonna lie. Plus this is like the first time I look really not-fat in beach pictures, it’s kinda incredible.

So Katy... I spent a lot of time talking to Katy. We’ve at least snapchatted every day for the past month now, but haven’t had another drunk convo like when I was at the lake. After seeing her when I got back on monday I also spent the night with her again weds, and we’ve been bingewatching Adventure Time from the beginning and I took her out to eat at Smith Street Diner, it’s all been fantastic. But she couldn’t see me tuesday because she had another guy friend over (and another on thursday, but I was at work anyway lol). So I get kinda jealous that she has this beautiful ass kid and all these other guys wanting to fuck her, mostly because I don’t have other people or a very decent schedule to hook up right now, orr even get to go out drinking with her. Feelsbadman. It also feels like it’d be too much work/money to try to get a side chick anyway, and plus, melee is my real side hoe let’s not kid ourselves.. [speaking of which, the day I couldn’t see her I kicked ass at melee and won a little money, so that was pretty fucking great.] She’s amazing to spend time with and she gave me a toothbrush to keep in her bathroom and I love cuddling up with her beautiful body, but tbh she’s pretty standoffish whenever I try to get too intimate in person (mostly trying to kiss her too much), and when she refuses to send me a message back because she’s with somebody else I can’t help but shake this feeling like I’m not good enough for her... Feelings are stupid. I worry about going too hard too fast with her, but every time I’ve gone too far off the deep end she’s been able to laugh it off, which I think is incredible. Definitely should have scared her off with the shit I was saying about trying to make her fall in love with me (and not vice versa, for the record, because I still don’t have any feelings <:^D ) when I was 10 drinks deep, but somehow she even laughed that off. Plus she’s fantastically nerdy and exposed me to doctor who and this show is like my favorite shit right now lmao. I’ve just wrapped up the fourth season, which is about 37 hours of watching within the past two weeks.. It’s so fucking goooood, man. She told me all I had to do was catch up to her at the 12th doctor but I wanna go back and watch all the old stuff after that, too. so like 56/835 episodes done so far so good lmaoo. Anyway. Idk I just hope I get to spend a lot more time with her doing cool shit. I don’t know what I am to her, so I have no idea if this is gonna go anywhere, but it really doesn’t matter all that much to me anyway. I just enjoy hanging out with her, and she got me to quit smoking cigarettes completely, and now I’m watching this wonderful show instead of wasting my fucking life bored on twitch streams, and I’m even actually starting to get motivated to start exercising again. And the sex is greattttt lmaooo. So I want to spend as much time with her as possible. It’s pretty gay, not gonna lie, but that’s where I’m at right now. Idk why I’ve always needed some cute girlie to help motivate me to get my shit done, though. Personal flaws...

OH HOLY FUCK so this week was the most productive week ever though, because not only did I manage to get laid and place 3rd in melee this week, I also FINALLY got to take the exam for my RPSGT!! The day I was originally scheduled for was a shit show, I drove 2 hours out to fayetteville and found out they had fucked up my registration and I didn’t get to take it that day after waiting for hours to see if they could fix it, but luckily I was able to get rescheduled for the day after, so I left Katy’s place to go to Durham and took it at 8am thursday. I was fucking sweating a little, not gonna lie. They were asking me all sorts of questions about pediatric sleep medicine that I wasn’t quite prepared for, and some of the scoring questions were confusing to me, but I managed to pass! So now I finalllllllllly have made it to become a real sleep tech. Gonna get that fat raise and finally get to a point where I can stop worrying about money, it’s fucking phenomenal.

So I’m so fucking ready to get off work... Gonna go back to raleigh today and see fonzi and frankie and maybe johnny so that’s gonna be sick. There’s this new melee mod that came out so I’m thinking about getting a soldering iron and fucking with my controller, maybe I’ll actually be good at this game lol. Dunno when I’m hanging with katy next hopefully every day lmfaooo. I guess I’ll update when I update.