#while knowing our end is assured. that despair is inevitable.

[houseofsnarry]

💚 HoS Members’ Recs: Self Rec ❤️

photo source

*Sorry for the repost! In the process of fixing a mistake, I accidentally deleted the original post. This mod and Tumblr are not on good terms right now. lol BUT! We added one more fic and it's a doozy! Check it out! And hopefully there are no more mistakes. *crossing fingers

- Scarlet It's NaNoWriMo! While we are busy creating new fics and art and rec lists and everything under the sun for our fav ship, what about some self-recs? Here are some of our fav Snarry works made by us! As we look forward to accomplishing our goals, we got to give appreciation to the works we've done in the past. <3

Art

🎨 Little Christmas story - @flymetosnarryland (AO3) with a snippet on Tumblr

🎨 Severus in red + Under the Influence Harry - @ofnightsndsongs (AO3)

Choose Your Own Adventure

🌸 What Comes Next (And How to Like It) - @likelightinglass (AO3) Rated E, Word Count 28.6k

A choose your own adventure fic! You are Severus Snape. You survived against all odds, and now it's time to take life into your own hands. What will you do with this gift of a second chance, and how will you find your happy ending? Your happy ending is pretty much always Harry Potter, but there's so many fun ways to get there.

Fanfic

📚 B.R.E.D - Elffaw Rated E, Word Count 5.3k

“You have been summoned here today,” he said, each word crisp and clear, “to partake in a physical examination required by the Ministry itself; in other words, you will be B.R.E.D.”

📚 Certain Dark Things - @liladiurne (AO3) Rated E, Word Count 50.3k

“You want me. I know you do.” I was too worn-out by then to even deny it. In the light of day, with only the summer wind and the cicadas to hear, it didn’t seem necessary to hide it. “It doesn’t matter, Harry. This can never happen.” He stared at me some more, and I did my best not to falter under those shimmering eyes. “I won’t tell anyone, if that’s what you’re worried about,” he assured me.“ I know you wouldn’t,” I added, insisting on the conditional. I didn’t like the way he’d spoken as if it had already happened. As if I had already lost. Perhaps I already had. In which Severus takes a trip to Italy, thinking he'll have a quiet time at the Malfoys' villa, but Harry has other plans. Written for prompt #182: AU. Harry never lived with the Dursleys. He was adopted by the reformed Malfoys as an infant. He is secretly in love with his adopted father's best friend, Severus Snape.

📚 Contempt - @danpuff-ao3 (AO3) Rated E, Word Count 20k

Harry hates Snape, and he always will. (He will, won’t he?)

📚 Courting Day - wendymarlowe Rated M, Word Count 42.8k

It's Courting Day: seventh- and eighth-year students get the chance to declare their intentions to formally woo each other. The only way for Harry to avoid being a matrimonial target is to put in a declaration of his own. Surely if he picks someone who would never in a million years accept his suit, he'll escape unscathed...

📚 dream a little dream of me - @dandelionstars (AO3) with art by @acydpop (AO3) Rated T, Word Count 4.6k

While Severus was not a strong enough Seer to receive complete soulmate dreams, unfortunately, he had just enough power to catch fleeting moments of his soulmate. These flashes of intense joy were more of a curse than a blessing. Despair was suffocating when his hopes were dashed again and again like carved crystal, inevitably shattered on the floor. A Snarry Soulmate AU

📚 For I Have Found Salvation - @lumosatnight (AO3) Rated E, Word Count 7.1k

Severus is a priest, and Harry is the parishioner who may just make him break his vows of celibacy.

📚 Harry Potter’s Avada Kedavra Wedding - whythehellnothavefun Rated M, Word Count 11.4k

(From The Book of Terms And Their Definitions, page 101) Avada Kedavra Wedding: noun, informal, see also: Avada Kedavra Marriage An enforced or hurried wedding, due to one member being pregnant or under blackmail, potentially to gain access to another’s vault(s) and/or properties. (See also: Muggle Oxford English Dictionary, shotgun wedding/shotgun marriage)

📚 Invisible String - @givereadersahug (AO3) Rated G, Word Count 3.7k

The first time Harry saw Snape's black eyes — him truly acknowledging Snape's existence beyond him being his mean professor — it was the night after Harry killed Professor Quirrell. He was dreaming, and in his dreams, he was screaming. Harry dreams of Severus over the years.

📚 On the Origins of Dementors - DarkTony Rated G, Word Count 2.6k

Amidst the pages of tomes that now remain unread,there a story, a fable, a legend goes of a man made of misery…

📚 Sir Saisir - @coconutice22 (AO3) Rated E, Word Count 27k

Some things that glitter are gold. Twenty years after defeating Lord Voldemort, Severus has a meet-cute at a, ahem, private members' club.

📚 The Beat of Their Own Drum - @aeternumregina (AO3) Rated M, Word Count 2.4k

Harry sees Snape dancing at a bar, and is instantly enthralled by this new, carefree person who barely seems to resemble his old teacher.

📚 The Way Death Clutches At Life - @tax-onomic (AO3) Rated E, Word Count 7k

Death is permanent, unless it is not.

📚 This is not my beautiful wife - Klari Rated M, Word Count 35.9k

What happened after Harry smashed up Dumbledore’s office? With Sirius dead and his plans to run away from the Wizarding World on hold, Harry is on the edge— literally, and Severus manages to learn rather a lot about him at the top of the Astronomy Tower.

📚 Wish not for a soul that is full of sin - @serenaew (AO3) Rated T, Word Count 4.7k

After all, a flighty soul could not return to the water, or to the earth, as they maintained all life eventually should. (What one did not have, they believed, could not be broken.) Prologue to the merman!Snape, amnesia AU no one asked for.

Discord || Recs Lists

[daim1812]

One Last Time

Levi Ackerman x Reader

Labels: Romance, angst, drama, mentions of suicide, blood, children involvement, pregnancy and death.

Warning: Some manga spoilers. Change of storyline for adaptive purposes.

Song of choice: Saturn by Sleeping at Last

As the sun went down so did his body, sitting down on the log with a perfect view to a hidden lake between enclosed tall trees. Rising up from the mountain, the moon made its way into the night sky.

Levi couldn’t stop himself to stare at the moon. He couldn’t stop breathing the air, feeling it hit his lungs with small fights. He couldn’t stop from repeating the same images in his head.

His squads death made him realize that death was always near. He knew that no matter how much he ran away from it, it was always going to catch up to him.

Mike’s death shook him slightly. He knew this man for his whole years of being in the Scouts, and consider him someone close to him.

Erwin’s death threw him in a verge of loosing himself, almost to the point of ending things. And yet... he found himself weak to the thought. He couldn’t do it, it was someone else’s job to kill him and end his agony. Even when Hange stood there with him and helped him realize that he wasn’t that alone, her sudden sacrifice pushed him into an unknown feeling.

And so he sat there, amaze by the scenery; amazed by the simple thought that he was still... living.

Without a care in the world, Levi closed his eyes and emerge into the swing of the wind. Hitting him softly on the face and pushing his hair back, he indulge in a new feeling he couldn’t describe before.

He was delighted.

He was enlighten.

Yet, he hated that. Everybody else died, leaving him alone to understand himself and hate himself at the same time. All he wanted was... for them to come back. Since Isabel and Farlan, Levi learned the hard way that life isn’t the way he thought it would be. Kenny’s death was another punch in his face. His mother's death since the beginning made him this solitary person filled with problems.

Levi wasn’t normal.

Two pair of hands took him by surprise, but not enough to act defensive. He already knew this hands.

She pressed her face on Levi’s head, her body slightly pushing to his back. Her hands collared on his neck, embracing him thoroughly to her own content.

“What are you doing, Captain?” Her voice swayed Levi’s ears, the melody in her voice making him subtle and nostalgic.

“I have never stopped myself to watch this place, Captain.” He mumbled, almost too low for her to understand, but she did. Levi felt her jaw tense and knew she was smiling.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it? This is what we fight for, Levi. For this place, this scenery, for the wind, for the people, for the oceans, for the animals, for us.” She let go of Levi to sit beside him, looking at him.

Levi finally got rid of his bandages, half of his face with a scar that marked a battle in transition; his left eye was hidden over a patch. She wanted so much to contain herself from touching his face once again. One after the other, every time she saw him like this, her hands immediately moved to touch his face. Levi doesn’t care much, but at the beginning he prohibited her to do so.

“Can I...?” The whisper made Levi look down, slowly nodding, not wanting to show her that he needed her to touch him.

Her fingertips rolled on his skin and scars, slowly, and carefully, she continue the path from the chin to his forehead. She stopped the movement once she reached his eye patch, looking at him for confirmation. He didn’t say anything, still staring at the ground in front of him, how the grass moved with the wind.

“I love your eyes, Levi.” She smiled at him, continuing her path, her fingers sinking inside his hair.

He finally let go of a sigh, looking up at her with the most saddest eyes, the color of his eyes slowly fainting by the light of the moon.

“If you die...” He started, stopping her movements. She frowned her eyebrows, looking back at him with fierce.

“Don’t say that. I’m not going to die. I’m not planning on doing so. My plan is to finish this war with Eren and those idiots, and then... we’ll retire in a cabin in the woods. We’ll have lots of kids. I’m still young, I can have at least 7 kids. Don’t you think?” She chuckled, Levi loving so much her action.

When was the last time he felt so affected by the emotions of another person? She had him wrapped on her fingers and yet he couldn’t do anything about that. He didn’t know the feelings he was going through. He didn’t understood what this new emotion was.

Was it really love like the books in the library described?

Was it the love Hange so furiously told him about when they stayed up almost all night drinking with Erwin and Mike?

Was love the past arrangement Erwin had with Nile’s wife?

Or was it that anxious feeling of seeing someone for the first time and noticing how beautiful they were?

He couldn’t decipher anything even if they were together. He was confused with all those emotions flowing into him. From the beginning, in his childhood, he never got to experience love and affection. Farlan and Isabel gave him affection, that friendship, and he learned from that. From Erwin he went through companionship, same with his squad, Hange and Mike. He understood those feelings; he already battled those and lost. Levi knew death, despair, loneliness, sadness; he knew all of those and yet he never once understood love.

She changed those thoughts so easily it scared him.

“You would look so beautiful holding our baby...” Her smile made Levi weak to the knees. How couldn’t he have fallen for her? “My plan is for us to be together until we are old and we decay with time. I want this to be over so we can be happy. What do you think?”

“...” Levi couldn’t say anything. If something he learned from all those years of loneliness and misery, it was to never dream too much. He wanted to live in the present because every time he thought things were alright something ended up wrong.

“Levi?” She looked so worried for him, letting her knees touch the grass in front of Levi.

His hands immediately hold her elbows, not wanting her to get on her knees and get her pants dirty just for him. Yet, she didn’t cared, only pushing away his hands a little bit to not make him feel bad.

“Talk to me, Ackerman.” Her voice soothes him. How many times has he loved hearing her call his name or just say anything in general?

He didn’t wanted to admit it, but having her near him, breathing, laughing, talking, whispering, singing... made him sleep so good for the first time. He finally let go of the worries in her arms and slowly pacified his urges of ending thing. Whenever he could sleep with her, he felt like the world didn’t needed to end just yet. Sleeping with her seemed like the only medicine he needed for days full of regret.

Either way, with those thoughts in his head while he stared down at the girl he profoundly fell for, he couldn’t let himself be like her.

Levi was the opposite of her. Down to earth, cold, and with secrets nobody needed to know. She was an open book, imaginative and lovable. He just didn’t wanted her to feel bad for saying words that could hurt her.

“This is real life, Captain. We are in a fragile situation right now in where we don’t know if tomorrow we will be alive. We live our lives to the fullest imagining that at some point we will stop and notice we fought so hard for our freedom.” Levi’s eyes connects with her, noticing how the light faded a little bit. “I can’t live in a fantasy... not when everything around me is based in reality. You are the one thing,” He stopped for a few seconds, his finger grabbing onto some of her locks. “I can’t loose.”

“You’re in bad luck, Levi, ‘cause I’m going into battle tomorrow and I promise you I will live. I won’t die yet. I can’t leave you alone.” Suddenly she pressed her forehead softly against Levi’s forehead, both of their noses slightly kissing. She closed her eyes and Levi admired her fractions.

He liked her so much.

She was the only reason why he hasn’t indulge into the darkness and end his life right there.

His fingers pressed her locks behind her ear, some of the hair covering his face and hers. She giggled at the humble actions of the man she loved with all her life. He continues to push her hair behind her ears, slowly passing his fingertips on her earlobe.

“Don’t die on me, brat. Keep fighting.” His whisper made her eyes crystallize. She felt the feelings behind those words. He wanted her to continue living even if he didn’t made it through another day.

She shook her head, the hairs from behind her ear falling back on her face as she pulled away from him.

Her hands locked onto his, pressing them on her chest tightly, a little careful of Levi’s bandage hand missing two of his fingers.

“No. Don’t YOU die on me, Levi. I want you to live and fulfill my wish with me. I want you to wake up tomorrow ready to battle and do everything it takes to come back into my arms. Many will die; death is inevitable, yet I’ll be here always. I want you to survive because you deserve to. I know how much you await death. You’ve been waiting for so long to feel it. The grass on your fingers, the blood gushing out of your mouth and the pain. But, Levi, I assure you, nothing is better than living the moment. Nothing will be better than this moment. You and me... finally together. I won’t let you die, Levi. We will have each other’s back. But you will survive even if it means me saving you over and over. I won’t let you fall into a darkness you won’t ever go out. I’ll light up your path every time you see it darken. I’ll keep the light up every time the wind tries to blow it. I’ll be here for you... until death do us apart.” Her eyes quickly tried to gush out the feelings, but the feelings were already dripping down her face.

Levi couldn’t stop himself anymore. He grabbed her cheek, pulled her up a little to be at the same height as him and pushed his lips against hers.

Her lips danced slowly on his, taking almost all the control of the kiss. Even if they were together for so long, Levi didn’t know a lot of things couple usually did. He didn’t know how to kiss, how to compliment, how to touch, how to love. Yet, she didn’t care for those small details. Being near her lover solely made her live happily.

Their lips continued to stick together, Levi wanting so hard to not let go. Maybe he didn’t wanted to let go because he wanted to love the moment like she told him to do; or maybe he felt the need to kiss her one last time just in case something bad happened.

Her hands touched Levi’s cheek, rubbing her fingertips on his cheek. He felt the cold round of tears pressing on his face, sticking them.

Breaking the kiss with a subtle movement, Levi gazed at her up and down, taking a mental picture of his lover for future references. For when the battle came, he could keep calm and fight dedicating his heart.

“Don’t cry, idiot.” He rolled her tear off her face with his right thumb. She nodded quickly, wiping her face with her long sleeve shirt.

“Promise me, Levi... we will fulfill my dream? Just promise me that.” His hand pressing on her cheek, she shoved it even closer to her.

He couldn’t promise that. He just couldn’t. Levi didn’t know if he was going to survive. The situation was getting dangerous and if everything went south, he would have to sacrifice himself to save the others. He needed to give them a future, Levi already fought enough, lived enough.

But now he had her... Now he was supposed to live to keep her by his side. He needed to survive. Yet, he just couldn’t say that to her. He wasn’t very good with words. Showing actions and taking actions was his forte.

The moon shined on them once again, the lighting in his eyes finally shinning again, the back of her head being lightened by the moon as well.

He wanted to live for her.

“I promise.” He mumbled, watching her shriek and throw herself on him, almost pushing both of them back into the ground.

She flowered him with kisses all over his face, being extremely careful of his eye and scar.

“I love you, Levi. Thank you. I’ll keep you safe.” Those words brought him so much joy. An emotion he hasn’t felt at all in his life, yet he was purely in love with this woman and he was going to make her happy.

“Me too, Captain.”

————————————

“Papa, papa, papa!” A little kid, around 6 years old with short dark hair and beautiful grey eyes threw himself at Levi. He catches him almost in midair and makes him sit on his arm and waist.

“What is it, Teo? I’ve told you to not interrupt me while I’m working.” The little kid shrugs his shoulders and purposely hides his face on Levi’s chest.

Levi noticed by the corner of his eye the little girl standing near the door, half of her face looking at him and the kid.

“Alora doesn’t want to play with me and I feel lonely.” His voice makes Levi tremble gently. Who would have thought that the Captain of the Survey Corps was going to be swayed by the adorable side of his older child?

“Alora, come here.” He turns around to the door, the little girl holding onto a dark teddy bear that hanged on her right hand and kept being swept on the floor.

She walked in with her face looking down on the floor. Alora couldn’t lie about it, she was almost scared of her father. He was always so quiet and cold; while she was the opposite. She was curious, a shining sun wherever she went, and a beautiful, intelligent little girl. With only 4 years old she already knew how to do basic math (something her mother continuously felt proud of and mentioned every time).

Levi looked down on her and gently squatted down with Teo on his arms, leading him to stand up on the floor.

Pressing his hand on Alora’s black, long soft hair that fell until her lower back and was tightly put in a ponytail, he smiled at her. Alora looked at her father and smiled back, loving those moments with him.

“Alora, would you like to play with your brother for a little while? Papa has some work to do, but once I’m done I’ll play with both of you. Anything that you want, I’ll play it.” He kept smiling, watching the kids as they celebrated that their dad was finally going to give them some attention. “Go play, kids.”

The kids rushed through the door, running into their rooms to play and have fun with each other.

Letting out a small sigh, Levi got up and sat down on his chair again. He still couldn’t believe he was a father of two children that made his life a whole heaven and a living hell as well.

A knock on the door caught him slightly by surprise, turning his attention towards now the person standing at the door.

He stared up and down at his wife, and how the dress made her look so irresistibly gorgeous.

She smiled at him and entered the room without invitation. Holding on her back for support, or for pain, she finally stood next to him. A hand pressed on Levi’s left shoulder, making Levi close his eyes and sigh again, loving so much her touch.

“You must be exhausted, Levi. Are you sure you can’t just finish this later? I could really use a massage, you know.” She leaned down a little bit, rubbing her nose on his cheek and ear.

“I have to finish today. I’ll be done soon.” Sighing once again, he let go of his desire to stop working and just let her shower him in affection and love.

“You’re so tense, dear.” Her hands touched his shoulders and made pressure on her hands to make him feel at ease. Levi’s head fell back a little bit, seeing his wife enjoying giving him all the love and attention he needed.

“Go do something else, brat. You’re always trying to make me feel good. I’m fine.” Levi pushed his body upwards, breaking the contact of her hands on his shoulders. She chuckled, understanding that Levi didn’t wanted to feel vulnerable at the state of tension he was in.

“Alright, Captain.” She makes the old salute, making Levi tremble at the sight. Even so, she continues to smile, leaning down on him to kiss him on the lips real quick.

“Tsk... idiot.” As soon as he said that, his body lay back at the chair, resting himself on it as he watched his wife walk away with a smile.

As soon as he heard his wife say dinner was ready, his body immediately got up and walked to the living room, seeing how the kids ran to the table. Getting from behind Alora, he helped her get on the chair. Giving her a short smile, Levi sat down at his respective chair, not having any other option than watching his wife put the plates and utensils at the table.

Levi always loved watching his wife do housework. He was a clean freak, and noticing how she always tried her best to keep everything tidy up and clean, made him love her even more. It wasn’t rude or anything, Levi helped a lot in the chores, helping whenever he wasn’t doing his own work.

“You’re slacking off, Levi.” She smiled, putting down the utensils next to his plate. He looked up at her, and her eyes shined to him. God, he could loose himself with just a stare.

“I’m tired.” He said with a sigh, resting on the chair.

“You could finish up quickly, papa.” Teo’s small voice makes Levi smile. His ear rings to that voice and he just enjoy his son’s voice.

“Yes, papa. You have to play with us.” Alora smiles while her mother pours some food on her plate.

“I know, kids.” His wife presses her thumbs to Levi’s nape, slowly rubbing it.

“Papa will be busy, but I’m sure he’ll take some time to play with you, kids. Right, darling?” Levi lets his neck fall back a little bit and looks up at her staring into his eyes. A faint blush covers his cheeks and he tries his best to hide it, yet she already notices.

“Yeah.” Mumbles, staring down at the food that was being served.

After they finished eating, Levi went back to his studio, trying as fast as he could to finish his work.

With a loud sigh, he finally finished doing all the things he had to do. He got up the chair, stretched his back and walked over to the room in where the kids were playing.

Standing on the entrance of the room, Levi let his back touch the wall and just decided to stare for a little bit at the kids giggling and playing.

He never had a childhood like that. All he knew while growing up was self defense. He knew how to stab, how to kill, how to defend himself. Levi didn’t know what other feelings were. The emotions he was feeling right now while watching his daughter show him her doll and his son the little train he got for his birthday, he didn’t know what that was called.

Knowing well enough how to battle an enemy, Levi never thought he would have to be fighting himself over and over in the future. He thought, maybe, after marrying her and starting a new life he would stop all those thoughts. And he did stop those thoughts. The birth of Teo brought into his life a whole new meaning that he didn’t know he needed so much.

Levi found love.

“Papa, papa! Come! Play with us.” The little girl’s voice shook him out of his thoughts. Looking up and down at her, he smiled, walking over to them and joining their small party.

Levi tucked both kids into bed. He wore them out enough for them to be knocked down cold into a huge sleep. Sliding the blanket over Teo and Alora, Levi kissed their small little forehead. If Erwin saw him right now he would have been surprised at the sight of weakness Levi was showing. “What would he say about this?”, Levi thought while staring down at the little girl holding tight her small bear. Nevertheless, Levi didn’t care. All he cared about were those kids and his wife. Erwin was long gone and he knew that if he saw that, Erwin would have been so proud of him. Levi found exactly what Erwin wanted for him, and what he wanted as well. No thoughts would change his mind on what his ex-Commander and best friend would have thought in that situation. Erwin would have been happy.

Turning off the light, Levi closed the door to the room and walked over to the room he shared with his wife.

And there she was, looking over at the door in wait for her husband. She smiled, opening her arms so she could get Levi next to her.

“Tsk. You’re a needy brat.” He crossed his arms, but still walked up to her. She grabs his hand and detangle them from his chest. Bringing him close to her, making him sit down on the bed, she gently pressed his hand on her belly.

Levi felt a knock, a kick, that startled him a lot. A life was in there. His next child was there. Levi finally understood that feeling. He felt it when Teo came the first time and when Alora also came. The feeling of being alive.

“It keeps kicking. It’s so funny.” She whispers near Levi’s shoulder, letting her head fall on his shoulder.

“He wants to kill you. I’ll kill him if he comes out like the other two. Disorganized and dirty.” His comment makes her laugh and Levi has no other option than to enjoy it. He wanted to record that in his mind forever. Her voice and her laugh.

“You silly... They are only like that because you let them be. I remember when I was a Captain and every time I saw you, you were scolding the cadets for leaving dirt everywhere.” She makes him remember, and he just snickers. He really was a strict Captain. And still, he always got the job done.

“I lived so long in dirty and dark places... I didn’t wanted HQ to be the same.” After he finishes talking, he feels another kick, letting go of a small smile.

“The HQ was bland. It was colorless. It reek of death and broken dreams. I didn’t like that so much.” She closes her eyes and rubs Levi’s hand over her belly.

“We didn’t have time to be thinking of colors. We were always living in a die or live situation.” She nods on his shoulder.

“I agree.”

“We should head to bed.” Levi mumbles again, not wanting to take his hand away from her belly or the warmth of her hand on his.

“Mhmm... let’s stay like this for a little while more. I missed your scent.” Her whisper makes Levi shiver, yet he only lets a small grunt come out of his throat, responding to her.

The small shallow breaths she was taking, the thumb rubbing on his hand, her hair falling on his shoulder and her thighs pressing on him made Levi so renewed. At the end of the day, all the tiredness faded away when she was there with him.

He knew she had her eyes closed, she was just resting on his shoulder. Yet, he wanted to look at her, kiss her, hold her, do everything he could think of even if she had a belly growing up. She has done so much for him and continues to do so by loving him every single day of their lives.

Levi slowly pulled his hand away from her belly and her, but now press it on her cheek. She opened her eyes and leaned back from his shoulder, now staring at him with bags under her eyes.

She was fucking stunning even when she was tired.

Letting his fingers roam from her cheek to her ear, pushing the hair to the back of her neck and ear; Levi cut the distance between each other and kisses her. Slowly, shaking and almost afraid of being too aggressive even if he wasn’t. Her hand found Levi’s shirt and gripped it. He pressed his other hand on her cheek and hold her face steady for him to kiss her better. Licking on her lip slowly, he went back and devoured her lips once again, showing off his dominating side.

Hearing her small moan, he let go of her. Staring deeply into her eyes, the small faint blush on her cheeks made him smirk. He loved making her flustered.

Slowly, but surely, Levi pressed his nose against her nose and gave her a lovely Eskimo kiss.

“I love you, Captain.” She said first, leaving him speechless once again like always.

He stared at her up and down, watching her completely. She always had this effect on him. Not for nothing they were married. Even so, Levi couldn’t be so easily frank like her. He loved her, but saying it was so difficult for him. Yet, when seeing her eyes shine the same way it did when they kissed for the first time, Levi couldn’t let her be disappointed on himself. He loved this woman with all of his life.

The woman who saved his life.

“I love you, too, (Y/N).”

————————————

“I’M NOT LEAVING HIM BEHIND, JEAN!!!!” The small faint voices of a girl during a silent world, were being simply shouted against the noise.

“We have to leave. We need to help Armin and Mikasa. If you stay here, we’ll be loosing you too, Captain. Please, reason with me here. We already lost Connie and Reiner is seriously injured. We need you.” Jean tried his best to reason with the girl who fearlessly continued to cry and shout at the tall man.

“NO!!! I CAN’T LEAVE HIM!!” She cries out, her tears falling in Jean’s arms and onto the floor.

“I understand, Captain. But Captain Levi wouldn’t want you to stay here and do nothing. We must continue to fulfill his wish and save the world. Please...” He couldn’t hold her anymore. She kept screaming while trying to push Jean away so she could hold her lover’s body on her arms. “CAPTAIN, GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!!”

He let go of her and she fell on her knees, scrapping them against the rocks and sand. Yet, it didn’t hurt. Her body was numb to the exterior damage. She just couldn’t react to any of that. All she could do was cry and cry and keep crying.

Her body crawled closed to her lover’s body and she grabbed his bloody hand.

When did that happened? How did it happened? Where was she? How did she let that happen?

She kept questioning herself over and over again into the smallest details. Levi’s death was upon her and she couldn’t help but blame herself.

Levi’s soulless body was laying on the ground, his left arm missing and his left leg. He was not coming back from this one and she knew it. After everything she promised. After everything she tried to do to keep him safe, she failed every and each of those promises.

“Wake up, Levi... Yo-You... you promised... You pro-promised we were going to live. You promised ME you were going to live. You promised, you promised, you promised... YOU PROMISED!!!” Her shouts could be heard all over the quiet ambient. Jean let some tears fall down as well, his head falling forward to not be seen weak.

She grabbed Levi’s body and got him close to her, pushing his face near her and sobbing. Tears falling down on Levi’s face, almost washing away the dirt and the blood. She just couldn’t believe that was happening. Levi was actually dead, his body resting on her arms.

“You promised... we were going to have kids... and live happy in a little house on the woods! We were going to raise our children the way they never raised us. Please... please... Levi, please, I love you. Don’t go... don’t leave me!”

The sound of her sobbing suddenly were muffled by extremely loud crashing sounds.

Jean looked over to where the sound came and his eyes became plates. He quickly grabbed her arm and pulled her forcefully, making her shriek and cry harder.

“Captain, Armin is in trouble. We need you. I know it hurts. I know you and Levi had dreams. But right now, if you don’t stand and get your shit together, everything that Captain Levi fought for will be for nothing! DEDICATE YOUR HEART!” Her red face and covered with tears, dust and blood suddenly came to a halt.

Levi wouldn’t wanted her to be like this and not in that moment. She gazed at Levi’s body on the floor one last time, got closed to it, kneeled down and after crying out her last tears, she gave him a farewell kiss.

She wiped her tears off and got up, her face drastically changing to pure anger.

“Let’s save humanity, Jean. DEDICATE YOUR HEART, SOLDIER!!”

The End

Thank you so much for reading.

Have a good day or night, darling. 🥰

[josefavomjaaga]

Letters from Naples, 1815

Some documents relating to chapter 3 of Helfert's book on Joachim Murat. I have not translated the report by Pauline Bonaparte's secretary about Napoleon's escape that Mier refers to in his second letter, as it's quite long and I assume it's been translated and quoted before. But I can do so if there is interest. Mier's letters however, are about Murat's immediate reaction to this news.

Mier to Metternich (in his own hand). (N° 21)

This 5th of March 1815.

My Prince! His Majesty the King received this morning a letter from Rome with the news of the escape of the Emperor Napoleon from the island of Elba. The Chevalier de Lebzeltern took advantage of this opportunity to announce this same event to me. Your Highness can easily imagine the effect which this news produced on the minds of Their Majesties. - The King sent for me to come to him to talk to me about this event, and told me that in a few hours he would send a courier to Vienna. Campochiaro was ordered to declare to our Court that in any event the policy of the King of Naples remained entirely subordinate to ours, that nothing could make Him deviate from this principle, and that He wished to know what course we would believe necessary to follow in this affair in order to comply with it. The King repeated to me on this occasion how much he wished to give the Emperor Francis proof of His attachment and His gratitude. While we were talking we saw several merchant ships enter the port. His Majesty sent to find out where they came from. It turned out that one of these ships had come from the island of Elba and had left after the flight of the Emperor Napoleon. The captain of this vessel gave the King details of which we were unaware, and communicated to Him the proclamation of the Governor of the Isle of Elba after the departure of Napoleon.

May Your Highness deign to accept the assurance of my highest consideration.

Mier. Mier to Metternich. (N° 22)

Naples 9 March 1815.

My Prince!

1) The departure for Rome of two officers of our Regiment of Prince-Regent Houzards, who have spent a few days here, provides me with a sure occasion to send my following dispatch to Rome and to recommend it to the care of the Chevalier de Lebzeltern.

2) It is only the day after I sent my report No. 21, that I learned that on the ship arriving from the Isle of Elba there was a certain Mr. Mary, secretary to the Princess Pauline. It is from him that all the details of Napoleon's escape were obtained. I do not believe that he brought letters for Their Majesties, at least the Queen has very definitely assured me of this. She has been kind enough to send me the attached document, written by Monsieur Mary.

3) I had the honour of informing Your Highness in my last report that I had been called to the King's residence at the moment when he had received the news of Napoleon's departure from the Isle of Elba. I found the King extremely agitated, not knowing where to stop his thoughts. It was obvious that he did not know what to desire. He maintained that the Emperor Napoleon landing in France would have the entire army, the whole of France behind him; that the Bourbons would be driven out; that Napoleon would not have risked this enterprise without being semi-certain of its success; that if he found a very doubtful party of the Bourbons resisting him, it would bring on a civil war in France. "What side will Austria and the other Powers take? It is a very unfortunate event, and one which may confuse all at the moment when the main questions had been happily arranged at the Congress. It is no less unfortunate for me in many respects: it may delay the arrangement of my interests, and in the long run I cannot remain in this position; I must know where I stand." He would go out at any moment to ask for news of the ships entering the harbour. After a conversation of more than two hours in the presence of the Queen, he withdrew when a ship from the island of Elba was announced. Afterwards I had a long conversation with the Queen who always consistent in her way of considering things, wise in her views and reasonings, putting character and perseverance in the party and the course which she once convinced herself was useful to her interests, not varying opinion at any event, always preaching uprightness and loyalty, gave me on this occasion new proofs of the essential qualities which distinguish her. One could see in her face how much this event had upset her. She told me that she was extremely worried about the fate of her brother, who was running towards his inevitable loss; that as a sister she could not wish for his death, but that she would have liked him to keep quiet in Elba; that she was convinced that, if the Emperor Napoleon ever succeeded in replacing himself on the throne of France, he would hasten to chase them out of Naples, a thing she never ceased to repeat to the King; that the Emperor Napoleon, once again Emperor of the French, will once more upset the whole of Europe; that she knows his character too well to ever doubt it; that it would be wrong to believe that age and experience have corrected him. "The King", she continued, "has a fine role to play, it is to remain invariably attached to the policy which he has embraced, to unite his interests as closely as possible with those of Austria, to repel all the perfidious insinuations which will not fail to be made to him, and to remain firm in his promises and declarations. This is what his honour and his true interests demand. You know me too well to doubt that I will not do everything to this end.

4) A Neapolitan courier sent to London carried the same declarations as the one that left for Vienna. The same day that the news of Napoleon's escape was learned here, the King convened an extraordinary Council of Ministers in which he declared to them that this event would in no way change the course of his policy. Notwithstanding these declarations and promises made to his people and his Allies, I know that his head is hard at work; that he has admitted into his presence several French refugees in Naples, enraged Bonapartists; that he has had several conferences with them; that he has sent secret emissaries everywhere (I have pointed out to Marshal Bellegarde two of this number who are on their way to France by way of Milan), and that his announced determinations are very shaky. This event instead of delaying his planned journey to the Marches seems to have accelerated it. His saddle horses and some campaign crews left last Monday for the Marches. His departure may take place at any moment. His mood, his words announce that he has projects in view, but that his ideas are not yet fixed, and that he is waiting for the first results of Napoleon's enterprise. If He remained in Naples, surrounded by the Queen and by a few sensible people who, without flattering Him, have the courage to tell Him the truth, one could count on His not being drawn into a few false steps; but in Ancona, returned to himself, surrounded by hotheads, there is nothing to be sure of. I have done everything to prevent this journey, I have begged and insisted that it should not be undertaken at this time, because of the bad effect it would have, and the suspicion that He would arouse by this step. I know that the Queen, Monsieur de Gallo, the Count of Mosbourg and many other reasonable people have positively advised Him against it; but all in vain; He seems determined to go. It is not yet known whether He will leave the Regency to the Queen.

5) Spirits in Naples are very agitated. There are people who make wishes for Napoleon, without knowing what they are asking for; but in general one would be angry here if the King interfered in an affair foreign for the moment to the interests of this country, and in despair if He took up the cause of Napoleon; in the latter case I believe that the King should not count on the fidelity of his subjects. If He wanted to make a diversion in favour of the Emperor Napoleon by going to France, half his army would leave Him; it would not be the same if He remained in Italy. He would find supporters there and could do us a lot of harm. Prudence requires that we put ourselves in this country in a position to face any event.

6) The Princess of Wales has openly expressed much delight at the escape of Napoleon. She told the King that she hoped for his glory that he would not remain an idle spectator of the events that were being prepared; that he should follow the example of the Emperor Napoleon, who with a thousand men despaired of nothing, while he with 80,000 seemed to let himself be imposed upon; that the course he would take in the present circumstances might lead him to immortality, etc. This inconsiderate woman wanted to follow the King to Ancona; but I have just been told that she has changed her plans and that she is leaving for Civitavecchia the day after tomorrow.

7) The Capri, a Neapolitan ship of the line of 80 guns, set sail several days ago to join the two Neapolitan frigates which left for the Adriatic.

8) Until now no movement of Neapolitan troops has taken place in the kingdom.

9) Count Széchényi leaves tomorrow for London. I have endorsed his passport for Rome. May Your Highness accept etc.

Mier.

(Completely unrelated question: What's the legal punishment for throttling a Princess of Wales?) I also love how Mier praises Caroline to Metternich.

[omg-on-a-budget]

The sordid secret behind the defeat of the Afghan military

A question that many of us have been asking ourselves is how the Afghan military collapsed so quickly in the face of the Taliban assault. After all, it seems like it was only a month ago that Biden assured the American people that a Taliban take-over of Afghanistan was “not inevitable”...Oh wait, it was just a month ago... during a press briefing on July 8th, to be precise. In that press briefing Biden stressed that the ANDSF (Afghan National Defense and Security Forces) was comprised of approximately 300,000 trained soldiers with weaponry and equipment pitted against about 75,000 Taliban militants. Therefore, there was really no chance of the disaster scenario in Kabul we see unfolding before our very eyes – or so he said.In that case how did the Taliban rout and defeat a force as much as four times its size in months or even weeks? After all, when the Soviets left Afghanistan in 1989, it took the Mujahideen about three years to topple the government. As Biden withdrew US forces, the Afghans didn't even last a month.

When Biden finally addressed the world regarding Afghanistan on August 16th, 2021, he presented a theory regarding the rapid capitulation of the ANDSF. He stated:“The Afghan military collapsed, sometimes without trying to fight... We gave them every tool they could need. We paid their salaries, provided for the maintenance of their air force... What we could not provide them was the will to fight for that future... if Afghanistan is unable to mount any real resistance to the Taliban now, there is no chance that... U.S. military boots on the ground would have made any difference.”The Biden administration may wish to console themselves that the responsibility for the abysmal failure of the ANDSF lies solely in the hands of their Afghan allies, but there is a sordid secret just beneath the surface of his blame-shifting rhetoric.

In order to understand what happened in Afghanistan in the fight of ANDSF against the Taliban, we must first understand how the United States Armed Forces trained the Afghan military. The American military designed the ANDSF to follow an Air / ISR (Intelligence, Support, Reconnaissance) model. In simple terms that means that the Afghan ground troops rely heavily on both detailed and accurate intelligence and especially on strong air support. In other words, the effectiveness of the Afghan military is severely diminished without a functioning air force and efficient intelligence gathering and communication.

A US Department of Defense Inspector General report to Congress at the end of 2020 emphasized that an international collection of private defense contractors supplemented these functions and were absolutely crucial to the maintenance of the Afghan air force. Without the private contractors, the report indicated that the Afghan military and the air force in particular would collapse almost immediately.Similarly, Bradley Bowman, the senior director of the Center on Military and Political Power at the Foundation for Defense of Democracies as well as a former US Army officer and Black Hawk helicopter pilot who served valiantly in Afghanistan, concurred. In June of 2021 – two months before the fall of Kabul – Bowman declared to the media:"We're talking about the more or less grounding of the Afghan air force... Air power is arguably the Afghan government's main edge in its fight with the Taliban. If we don't help them maintain those aircraft, then the Afghan security forces will be deprived of that advantage, and that could have a decisive impact on the battlefield and ultimately on the state of the Afghan government."The Biden administration didn't listen.

By July of 2021 the 18,000 vitally-important private contractors – including the crucial collection of aircraft maintenance personnel – were diminished to well under 8,000 as part of Biden's withdrawal. The Biden administration essentially hamstrung the Afghan forces while they were actively engaged in heavy battle against the Taliban militants. In that context the Afghan military failed against – and in some cases fled from – the vicious Taliban onslaught. That is the sordid secret behind the failure of the ANDSF in their struggle against the Taliban.

An analogy could be made to a teacher instructing her students how to solve complex mathematical equations with the assistance of a calculator. But just as their final test commences, the teacher removes the batteries from her students' calculators. Some of the students futilely try to solve the math problems with great difficulty; others are discouraged and walk out, knowing that a failing grade is inevitable. When the entire class fails, the teacher then berates them, claiming that their own unwillingness to learn or take their education seriously is to blame.This is precisely what Biden did on August 16th, 2021. He even lied and falsely claimed specifically that the US was still adequately maintaining the Afghan air force when in reality he had already sent most of the contracted maintenance crews home. Even worse, rather than admit that his administration rejected the strong counsel of his own defense officials and ultimately crippled the Afghan military at their greatest hour of need, Biden instead had the audacity and the chutzpah to falsely accuse his demoralized Afghan allies of disloyalty, lack of motivation, and even cowardice.With “friends” like these, no wonder the Afghans shrugged in despair and acquiesced to the Taliban takeover.

Ssgt. Ben Kerido is an IDF Paratrooper and Special Forces reservist, former US Department of Defense contractor, defense magazine article contributor, and author of the blog series “Inside Stories of the Israel Defense Force”and “Ramblings of a Reservist” on Lehavdil.com.

[zrtranscripts]

Home Front, Mission 28: Battle at Rackthorn

All that Glitters

~

JANINE DE LUCA: Hello, listeners. Colonel De Luca here, and I must warn you, today's fitness session may differ from your expectations. Do begin warming up. Stretch out, or commence jogging on the spot. Before I begin this workout, I will repeat my briefing for runners in the field who are concerned for Runner Five's well-being: Runner Five is safe and well. Repeat, Five is safe and well.

We do not know how Artemus Thurman found his way to the top of the lift shaft before Five got there. We can only presume he knows the secrets of Spectrum Mall better than any of us. However, for reasons we also do not understand, he simply looked at Runner Five for a few moments and then walked away. Five is now back in the camping shop in the Spectrum Mall. I have personally instructed Five on how to board up and secure the entrance to the underground village. If you are listening, Five, we will rescue you.

And for that purpose, we all need to be fitter than ever, which brings us to this so-called workout. Of late, Mr. Yao has been littering Abel's comm facilities with notes from his [paper rustles] Demons and Darkness campaign, a type of fantastical war game, I believe. Normally I am not one to engage with Mr. Yao's absurdities, but certain notes have caught my eye: a scenario entitled Battle at Rackthorn, in which a castle is besieged, a situation not dissimilar to our own, trapped in our shelters, surrounded by zombies.

The siege is described as unwinnable, something I have never countenanced in tactical exercises. Indeed, examining the particulars, it seems to me there is an obvious way to win, provided my solution is within the bounds of physical endurance. So in the coming break, you may continue warming up or rest, and when we return, you will test my solution.

You will adopt the motions required of Mr. Yao’s fantasy hero to prove his war game can be resolved, but I must emphasize, this will not be one of Mr. Yao's cleaning romps. It is an exercise in tactical theory intended to test my thinking and keep your minds and bodies sharp. When the break ends, be assured, I will be pushing you to your very limits, and this absolutely most certainly will not be any fun.

~

JANINE DE LUCA: Now, during my tactical training days, I often undertook simulated exercises. For such sessions, it is vital to fully invest in the scenario. So direct your mind to accept the following field conditions: you are a bold adventurer. Having bested the mighty Abhorroghast, you have been summoned to Castle Rackthorn, a hilltop fortress. The castle's feasting hall surrounds you, a vast stone chamber lit by flaming torches. [flames crackle]

The hall is packed with frightened, wide-eyed peasants. [crowd chatters] Pushing past them to the back of the hall, you find a staircase. The man who summoned you is at the top. The staircase is a spiral of unevenly-sized stone blocks rising through a turret. You must ascend quickly.

For the next minute, run on the spot, lifting your knees as high as you can and swinging your arms. High knee running will keep your strides large enough to avoid tripping on the irregular steps. Begin. [rapid echoing footsteps] As you ascend, you pass a window. Outside, knights crowd the battlements, armor shining in the moonlight. Beyond them, a horde of gigantic spiders claw at the castle walls.

The castle was besieged shortly after your arrival. Nobody knows where the spiders hail from, though rumors say they were bred by dark magics in nearby caves. [swords clash] Maintain your pace. According to Mr. Yao's story notes, you were to join with the knights to battle the spiders while the castle evacuates before it inevitably falls, though Mr. Yao has overlooked better uses for your sword, I think.

You are nearing the top. That is one minute passed. Unfortunately, Mr. Yao has spilled tea over the notes describing the dimensions of the castle. I judge one minute to be a sound minimum for reaching the top of the stairs, but if you would like to keep running in the break, by all means consider it a reasonable addition to Mr. Yao's campaign.

~

JANINE DE LUCA: Atop the spiral staircase, there is a wooden door slightly ajar. Entering, you find a bedchamber, its walls covered by oak bookshelves. Slumped over a desk, there is a bearded man wearing thick gold chains and red velvet robes, snoring. The man is King Sigmund, the castle's cowardly ruler who has given in to despair at the spider horde, retreating into his cups. Near the king, you notice a bookcase drawn away from the wall, revealing a stone tunnel beyond, a secret passage.

You must snatch a gold chain from the king's neck. I believe the rules of the game mandate a dice roll to judge your success. [dice clatter] Ah. You successfully snatch a gold chain, but the king is woken from his drunken doze. As you dart into the secret passage, he rants - Mr. Yao specifies a Scottish accent for the king. Odd, in a world with no Scotland. Very well, for the sake of the simulation -

“Stop, blaggard! Doref, is that you? You'll never take this castle as long as I'm alive!” While you plunge through the secret tunnel, the king pulls a lever by his desk. Arrows shoot from hidden mechanisms in the ceiling above you. Listeners, balance on one foot with your knees and arms bent. Now hop to one side, landing on the ball of your opposite foot, then hop back again. One minute of side-to-side hopping will simulate you dodging your way through the tunnel. Go!

Racing down the passage, you hear the king's distant ranting descend into pitiful sobs. You continue dodging as arrows strike the floor around you. Halfway there. Mr. Yao has described the king as a vicious, petty oaf who exiled even his most trusted advisor in a fit of paranoia. The passage is lit by torches which grow fewer and fewer as you advance. Continue your evasive action. You are nearing the end.

You feel fresh air on your face. The darkness ahead must conceal an exit. The arrows have stopped. You've likely cleared the traps. You can stop dodging, though if you'd rather continue during the break, that would be a reasonable abundance of caution, given your current position.

~

JANINE DE LUCA: You emerge from the secret passage into a woodland glade far from the castle. Behind you is a scarp of stone. Before you is a group of enormous spiders, each the width of a wagon, far too large to storm the secret passage. A hundred eyes gleam under starlight and hairy mouthparts twitch. [spiders hiss and chitter]

To your left, there is a boulder. Clamber atop it quickly. Now the dimensions of these spiders are clearly laid out in Mr. Yao's creature compendium. Their abdomens are bulbous and they cannot reach their own backs. To get past, you must jump across the spiders, leaping from abdomen to abdomen.

Jumping on the spot will serve for the motion. Keep jumping for one minute, landing with your knees bent. Go. The spiders move their mouthparts in odious glee as they perceive how close you are. The spiders are trying to shake you off their backs as you move from hideous body to hideous body. Jump faster.

[dice clatter] You're halfway over the spiders. One leaps towards you, but you are able to duck it. I must admit, these dice are a fair simulator of the luck element in any engagement, though the bright colors are unnecessary. You are almost across the spiders. They hunger for your living flesh. Do not slow. One minute elapsed.

You have jumped across the spiders, landing beyond their reach, and may stop jumping. You have a fair start on the monsters, but they are giving chase. Ahead, between tall trees, you spot a river. [water flows] The river descends from a waterfall uphill and is crowded with slippery rocks. Jump onto the rocks, then leap up river toward the waterfall.

Regrettably, Mr. Yao has smeared chocolate over his notes on the local geography, so the distance to the waterfall is unclear. To compensate, please keep jumping for as long as you can manage in the coming break.

~

[water flows]

JANINE DE LUCA: You near the waterfall. The spiders are some way behind, slipping on the rocks. Approaching the fall, you cast the king's gold chain into the water. Abruptly, the waterfall sweeps aside, revealing a cave. According to Mr. Yao, the fall is a water elemental which guards the cave, but has a weakness for glittering treasure. Your offer has bought passage. Rather reminds me of bribing enemy patrols with bullion in the Caucasus.

Unfortunately, the elemental is too impressed by the offering. Suspecting you have more gold, it summons a wave to wash you under the river. As you enter the cave, you hear a great rush of water coming from ahead. You climb the cave wall to your right. There is a crack in the wall just below the cave roof with a thin ledge opposite. You can wedge your feet in the crack and lean on the ledge.

Adopt a plank position, lying on your front with your weight on your forearms and toes. Hold that for one minute from now. [wave splashes] The first wave washes over your head and you're almost swept away. Hold on! The wave washes through the cave, seemingly endless. Hold fast. Now the first wave has passed, your perch is just above the water line. The wave is still coming. Fortunately, it washes away the spiders chasing you as they enter the cave. Water is still rushing below you, but you can feel the wave waning. Maintain the plank!

The wave has died down, leaving only puddles in the cave. The elemental should be too tired to summon another, but feel free to plank a little longer in the break, just in case. Otherwise, climb down and rest. The dark cave lies ahead, beckoning, for this is the cave system the spiders hail from, and deep within its heart, you are sure to find their master.

~

JANINE DE LUCA: Deep within the caves in a dank cavern filled with luminous blue moss, you discovered a hunched figure in a black cloak sitting amid a circle of giant arachnids, all bent in supplication. The figure has long dark hair and many jeweled rings. He is Doref, the king's chief warlock and most trusted adviser. Plainly, he commands the spiders.

Mr. Yao describes Doref's treachery as shocking, which is naive. In my experience, political advisors are often complicit in coup d'etat. In any case, Doref sees you and shoots to his feet. There is a glowing shard of crystal cupped in his hands. He whispers to it and the spiders charge. You must fend them off.

[spiders hiss and chitter]

Since it is doubtful many listeners will have a sword to hand, one minute of punching air will suffice to simulate combat. Begin punching now. The spiders reel from your blows. but Doref seems confident of victory. Doref mocks you. “For too long, I have schemed to overthrow that cowardly king. I won't let you stop me now! Rip and tear, my spiders!” Unhelpfully, Mr. Yao has simply specified “evil voice” for the warlock. I trust that was a fair attempt. [dice clatter] However, the dice are against you. Few spiders lie slain. Keep fighting. As Doref whispers to his crystal, more spiders appear from the shadows. Clearly, the crystal controls them.

You have survived one minute and bought yourself a temporary reprieve, but spiders keep coming. As you rest, a horizontal column of water comes crashing into the cavern, thrashing like a snake. [water splashes] It is the water elemental, still seeking your life. Thinking swiftly, you point at Doref’s crystal, and the elemental, entranced by the shine, descends upon it. Quickly, while Doref is distracted, aim your sword at the crystal and throw it. [dice clatter] A 20, excellent! Your sword smashes the crystal from Doref's hand while he gapes at the elemental. The crystal shatters, releasing an explosion of incandescent magical energy.

Around you, the cavern begins to shake and collapse. To your left, you spot a tunnel to the surface. As you flee, Doref leaps to follow, but the rings on his fingers have caught the elemental's attention and a tendril of water drags him back into the collapsing cavern. You have nearly escaped, but if you'd like to keep exercising over the break, feel free to strike an additional spider or two as you climb toward the surface.

~

SAM YAO: Hey folks, it's Sam here. Janine was called off on urgent business, so she asked me to take over the broadcast. I've been busy baking in the kitchens, but she's left a note to catch me up.

“Dear listeners, begin cooldown jogging. Congratulations! Many of you have confirmed completion of the simulation via ROFFLEnet. Your character has escaped the collapsing caves and the warlock has been crushed behind you. With the crystal gone, the spider horde is scattered. Castle Rackthorn has been saved and the villain slain, far more efficiently than in Mr. Yao’s planned story.”

I don't... are these... are these my D&D notes? Oh no! No! You're not supposed to get to Doref yet! All the obstacles... it's supposed to be impossible! That can't... how did you get past the spiders? [sighs] Listeners, I think um... yeah, I think we're going to have to end the session here. It's about time anyway, which is good because uh... because it-it looks like I've got some major rewriting on my hands. Oh boy. [sighs] Janine, what have you done?

~

[peanutbutterjelly-pie]

Guardian Angel

Summary: It'll only be minutes until Dean's time on earth's gonna run out. Until the hellhound will walk around the corner and drag him with it into the pit of pain and despair. Until the demons and monsters will claim his soul. 

But just as he is about to face his end all of a sudden something unexpected happens and Dean starts to wonder if he's seriously worth to be saved after all.

Word Count: 1676

Tags: Canon Divergence, Angst, First Meeting, 3x16 divergent

[Written for the @writersofdestiel‘s “The Day They First Met” Prompt Week]

It's merely minutes now.

They had hope, just a little bit, but now Lilith is out of reach and Dean hears the hellhound coming closer and closer. The air in his chest tightens, making breathing impossibly hard as he stares at the doorway.

He knows the creature will show up there any second now.

To take him to hell.

Mercilessly.

Dean never regretted saving Sam's life. He just can't, no matter what. But as he's facing his end now he's unable to feel a lot of things, emotions overpowering him with such strength his knees start to buckle.

He doesn't want to die. There are so many things he actually intended to do. Awesome, amazing, wonderful things he always thought he had enough time to experience at some point.

Fuck, he's never even been in love before. Not really, at least.

And now he will never know what that feels like.

Dean glances to the side, for the last time looking at the person most important to him. Sam is breathing hard as he stares at his brother with despair, tears welling up in his eyes. It's clear that he tries to control himself, not to sob and break down here and now. But it seems he has finally accepted that there is no way out of this.

Dean would die tonight. In a few minutes.

And they could do jackshit now to stop it.

Dean opens his mouth, determined to leave Sam with some last reassuring words, but in the end no sound leaves his throat. He's incapable of forming any coherent sentence at this point, he's sure of that. Besides, there is absolutely nothing in the vast vocabulary that would ease Sam's mind in any way right now.

Dean knows because he would totally feel the same if their roles were reversed.

So Dean settles on just looking at his tall little brother and shooting him one last smirk.

It's all he can do at this point.

Since just a moment later the hellhound walks around the corner.

It's an ugly thing. Broad and big and hairy and its eyes and fangs are enormous. Not to mention the claws. Sharp enough to rip even the strongest man apart in a matter of milliseconds.

The worst, however, is the smell. Ash and fire and decay.

Dean imagines that is what hell smells like.

He will find out for himself soon enough.

Dean takes a deep breath and braces himself. This won't be pretty and a big part of himself wishes Sam wouldn't be here to witness this. But another, small, selfish side of him finds itself relieved to have his brother by his side.

One last time.

Dean looks at the creature, looks it straight in the eyes, and yells Come on now! in his mind.

The hellhound prepares itself to attack. Bloodthirstiness shining in its gaze.

Thirst for Dean's blood.

And then, all of a sudden –

A shadow shows up right behind the creature. Dean blinks in surprise and just has enough time to notice a flapping coat before the hellhound starts to whine out of the blue.

It whines and screams and squirms and Dean takes a moment to notice the silver blade that's been rammed right into its neck. By the shadow in the dark.

Sam next to him gasps in surprise and bewilderment (and Dean is right with him on that front) and they both watch in shock as the hellhound collapses right there on the spot.

Motionless.

Dead.

Dean blinks.

What?

The?

Fuck?

For a long moment the room remains eerily quiet, nobody really sure what to do now. Dean at least has no freaking idea what is happening now.

He simply gaoes at the shadow who steps out of the darkness and reveals himself to be a man in a bulky trench coat. A man who looks absolutely normal. Close to harmless, actually. Tousled hair, a light scruff, ridiculously blue eyes.

He seems utterly wrong in this place.

And at the same time there is something about him. Something that takes Dean's breath away in a completely different way than the hellhound before him.

The man steps forward, appearing absolutely calm as he pulls his strange silver knife out of the dead creature. He seems like this is a totally ordinary day. As though he always runs around and kills some hellhounds before dinner time.

There are a thousand questions running through Dean's mind at this very moment. And in the end he grasps for one.

“Who are you?”

It's at least a legitimate question, right?

The man looks up, his gaze connecting with Dean's. And the hunter feels a shiver running down his spine as he has never experienced before. He's even on the verge of whimpering and thankfully just has enough self-control to suppress that urge right on time.

“My name is Castiel,” the man introduces himself.

His voice is impossibly deep and Dean has no clue what to do with this.

How are you supposed to handle such a situation?

Something like this certainly has never been part of Dad's training.

Dean stares at the man, keeps on staring and staring, and at one point realizes that this guy just can't be human. Maybe it's a residue from his year running out or perhaps it's just hunter instinct.

But he simply knows.

“What are you?” Dean clarifies his question in the end.

The man – Castiel – stays unperturbed as he responds, “I'm an angel of the Lord.”

Dean can't help a loud and very unattractive snort.

Yeah, right.

“Sure thing, buddy,” he mocks. “Now for real – what are you?”

Castiel's face doesn't display any emotions as suddenly the few lights in the room begin to flicker and a shadow of two huge wings shows up right behind him.

It's only for the blink of an eye, but it's more than enough to shake Dean to his very core.

DAMN.

Sam next to him doesn't seem far better off. His eyes as big as saucers, his skin going absolutely pale. Dean, at least, finds himself worried that he might pass out in the next moment and decides to focus on that for now because anything else is too much.

Way too much.

“You were meant to go to hell tonight, Dean Winchester,” the creature – the angel?? – tells him in a serious tone. “And it was foretold that this event would lead to the apocalypse.”

Dean's jaw goes slack.

Wait, what?

“Huh?” he says, dumbfounded.

“This has been in the making for centuries. Millennia. Since the dawn of time itself.” Castiel's gaze gets even more intense and Dean suddenly feels stripped naked faced with such scrutiny. “Hell and heaven, preparing for the final battle.”

Dean wonders if he's dreaming.

If this is just the strangest, most wacko dream he's had for quite a while.

Because this can't be true!

Right?

“But I and a small fraction of angels – we see things a bit differently than the rest.” Castiel's lips twitches. As though he's fighting an actual smile. “We believe it doesn't have to be this way. Humanity is our Father's greatest creation. We don't want to see them die in an ocean of fire.”

Dean shivers and feels the strength of his legs leaving him. It's just with monumental effort that he's able to remain upright for the time being.

“I … uh …” What do you reply to something like this?

Dean doesn't have the foggiest.

Castiel, meanwhile, walks up to him, suddenly so close they're almost chest to chest.

“Humanity deserves to be saved,” he states in that gravelly voice. “But above all, you deserve to be saved, Dean Winchester.”

He studies Dean like he's the most important thing in the world. Like he would fight all of heaven and hell in a heartbeat just to see the hunter safe and sound.

Dean swallows, licks his lips and feels his cheeks heat up as Castiel's gaze follows the movement of his tongue with a bone-chilling intensity.

Dean can't remember the last time someone looked at him like that.

He isn't actually sure if someone ever looked at him like that.

“You … you're kidding, right?” Dean scoffs and tries to come across as unimpressed as possible while he chides himself over and over to finally get his moves on and take a few steps back. Put some distance between them. Personal space and all that crap.

He remains unsuccessful.

Because his body refuses to be apart from Castiel, it seems.

“I assure you, I am not 'kidding' you,” Castiel says, phrasing that one word like it's a weird alien language he never heard before. “I am here to save your soul from damnation. You're a good and kind man and you don't deserve what has been put upon your shoulders.”

Dean blinks.

He wants to laugh. Right into the guy's face.

But Castiel sounds absolutely sincere, as if he means every single word, and Dean feels the mocking laughter get stuck in his throat.

Damn.

“You might not believe me,” Castiel continues. “But soon enough you will have no other choice. Neither hell nor heaven are going to be thrilled about this act of rebellion and we have to brace ourselves for the inevitable repercussions.” He tilts his head (which is not adorable!). “But don't worry, we are prepared. We won't allow anyone to harm you.” His eyes glint supernaturally. “I won't allow anyone to harm you.”

Jesus.

Dean throws another glance at Sam. Who still looks like the verge of crying.

And Dean hates to admit it, but he can actually relate.

He thought he would be in hell by now. Probably already ripped apart and then put back together to do it all over again for the hundredth time.

To stand here, alive, at Sam's side, with a freaking angel so obviously eager to protect him – this is just wild!

And so he decides there and then: yep, this must be a dream!

Because gorgeous, intense men eager to save his soul? Yeah, this can't be real!

Right?

[misssunflowersandsangria]

Pacts and Promises

Hello my lucky charms!  I have a quick two-shot story for Neji & TenTen!  This is the first time that I’ve written something for them so I hope that you enjoy it! 

Summary:  After so many terrible dates and failed relationships TenTen and Neji make a pact for their future. 

*

**

Pacts and Promises

Chapter 1:  How it Started 

TenTen sighed heavily before collapsing onto the couch the man her head landed on unbothered by her presence. 

“I take it the date didn’t go well.”

She groaned loudly rubbing her face against his warm thigh.

“What is wrong with the men in this village?”

Neji’s face remained impassive, not the least bit surprised by her frustration. 

“I don’t understand why you insist on going out with these individuals that are clearly not good enough for you.”  TenTen ignored the backhanded compliment in favor of replaying the train wreck of a date. 

“What was wrong with this one?”

“He was a chauvinistic asshole.  He expects whoever he’s with to stay home and take care of the kids. Me being an accomplished Shinobi was a cute hobby to him.”

She sat up to scrub at her tired face no longer worried about the makeup that she meticulously applied hours ago.  “Maybe it’s me?  Maybe my standards are too high.”

“So what?  Will you reduce your value based on someone’s inability to see how incredible you are?”  She sighed resting her head against his shoulder. 

“I want to date.  I want a relationship.  I want to get married. Is that so wrong?”

“No, of course not.”  He assured her wrapping an affectionate arm around her.  She nuzzled into his chest.  His presence and aura always managed to calm her.

”Well how about we make a pact.  If we’re both single in 10 years we get married.”

She laughed out loud surprised by the offer.  “Right.”

Neji shifted her gaze towards him.  “No, I’m serious.  10 years, if you still want to, I’ll marry you.”  She couldn’t help but grin at the serious expression with challenge set in her eyes.

“Why?”

“You want to be married.  I need to get married.  Better you than some other bothersome woman that the clan might try to pair me up with.  We are good friends.  We get along well.  I’ve known you since we were kids.  Who else could be a better match for me?”

She studied him carefully then nodded.  “Fine.  If in 10 years we are both single we’ll get married.  Gai Sensei will walk me down the aisle and Lee will officiate the ceremony.”  She couldn’t help but smile at the image.  

“Deal.”  TenTen was slightly taken aback by the sincerity in his voice. He was serious about this.  Neji wasn’t one to back out of his promises. 

He stood up abruptly surprising her. 

“Let’s go.”

She looked up at him confused. “Go?  Where are we going?”

“Out, you’re still dressed up.  Let’s go out.  I might not be one of the “most eligible bachelors in Konoha” as you so titled your date but I think that I am good company.  It’s the least I can do for my future wife.”  

TenTen grinned taking his outstretched hand in hers.  Sometimes it was hard to believe how much he’d changed.  He would have never offered something like this years ago.  

She ignored the flutter in her chest when he called her his “future wife.” 

“I’d love to go out with you.”  

They ventured out into the village at an unhurried pace.  Neji was content to follow her and whatever impulses she had.  TenTen was energetic and talkative always comfortable in his presence.  Neji was happy to see her look so lively after returning from her date so broken and defeated.

He had been her shoulder to lean on after so many of these failed dates.  While he didn’t like her feeling sad or upset he was thankful that she saw him as a safe place.  Somewhere soft that she could land. He wondered how these people couldn’t see what a catch she was.  

TenTen was strong, witty, and intelligent.  She was kind and loyal to a fault.  Not that it mattered but she was gorgeous.  Sparkling brown eyes and chestnut hair. TenTen was breathtaking.  How did no one see that?

“Thanks, Neji, tonight wasn’t great but you made it so much better.  I’m glad that it’s you at the end.”

He nodded. “Don’t worry about it.”

“So 10 years from now.  Do you think that we’ll have a big wedding?”  She asked with a smirk. 

“Of course, the Hyugas would expect no less.  I imagine that we will have to reign Gai sensei in as he might try to turn it into some sort of training exercise.”

She leaned into him.  It wasn’t hard to imagine him handsome in a formal black and white kimono standing next to her in a sparkling white kimono.  

“Well future husband, if we do get married and our days and nights are anything like today then I think that we will have a very happy life together.”

“Of course, you deserve nothing less.”  His arm wrapped around hers and her head found that perfect spot against his strong chest. 

She shut her eyes relaxing into him as the thought crossed.  ‘Why wait 10 years?’

*

**

The days and the years passed life continuing on as it normally does.  The pact that they made all but forgotten.  She continued to go out and pursue relationships.  While some were more successful than others they all met their inevitable end. 

Despite feeling something akin to heartbreak at the end of each one she still had Neji’s assurance in the back of her mind.  He was always there at the end with his arms wide open.  

On Neji’s end he never actively dated.  He went on forced blind dates and failed attempts to set him up.  For whatever reason whenever he did go out TenTen felt a sense of untamed jealousy and worry.  She had no right to stop him especially when she herself still went out on dates.  Still, it just felt wrong.  What if on this date he did meet “the one?”  Where would she fit into his life?

Whenever he returned home and complained to her about his dates she couldn’t help the bubble of relief.  He was still hers.  They were that much closer to fulfilling that promise. 

*

**

TenTen shut her eyes against the blinding lights above her.  She groaned turning away.

“TenTen?”  She knew that voice.

“Neji?  What happened?”

“Thank goodness you’re okay.  You don’t remember?”  He asked curiously.  She stared at him confused.  He looked exhausted.

“I..uhm I think we were on a mission.  I just remember you pushing me out of the way?”

Surprising her, his arms wrapped around her tight careful of her bandages.  “I didn’t think I would make it in time.”  She held onto him as the memories of the ambush and subsequent attack replayed in her mind. 

“I’m okay thanks to you Neji.”  She tried to assure him.  Neji was always calm and fearless in the face of danger and despair.  It was unnerving to see him so frightened and concerned.   

Neji took in deep breaths against her hair feeling her whole, alive and complete in his arms. 

“TenTen, will you marry me?”  He whispered against her hair. 

“What?  Neji, it’s not 10 years yet.” She replied back with a laugh at the silly pact they’d made. 

He pulled back to look at her directly. Those piercing eyes serious and sure.  “I don’t care.  Marry me.”

To be continued.

*

**

!  I hope that you liked it!  In the Naruto verse I write pretty exclusively for InoShikaCho but this concept works really well for NejiTen.  The second part of this will be up soon! I might also write something smutty up for them for my Lemonade series. Okay, I heart you guys! Please let me know if you liked it!  

[kmomof4]

Of Darkness, Vampires, and Soulmates   Ch. 1 Killian

The response to this fic has been TREMENDOUS!!! THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!!! 

Again, all the love and thanks to @profdanglaisstuff​ for her excellent beta services, @hollyethecurious​ for her patient encouragement and late night brainstorming sessions, the ladies of the CSSNS and CSMM discords for their encouragement and help with selecting a title, and finally to @spartanguard​ for her gorgeous artwork!!!

Chapter Summary: Today we meet our favorite pirate and hear his story. This chapter contains a graphic and potentially disturbing Major Character Death at the hands of a vampire. It can be easily avoided if you wish. It comes at the end of the chapter and is separated by a full line break. The scene also contains unwanted vampire turning. If you have any questions or concerns, please don’t hesitate to contact me. 

Rating: M (Violence and smut)

Words: 4.3K (of 41K total)

Tags: Vampires, Soulmates, Reincarnation, Prophecy, Black Death, French Revolution, Magic, True Love’s Kiss For This Chapter Only: Major Character Death, Unwanted Vampire Turning

Prologue | Ao3 link

Tag list: @hollyethecurious @winterbaby89​ @snowbellewells​ @stahlop​ @resident-of-storybrooke​ @jennjenn615​ @kingofmyheart14​ @profdanglaisstuff​ @branlovestowrite​ @thisonesatellite​ @ultraluckycatnd​ @flslp87​ @whimsicallyenchantedrose​ @let-it-raines​ @shireness-says​ @kymbersmith-90​ @darkcolinodonorgasm​ @bethacaciakay​ @searchingwardrobes​ @ilovemesomekillianjones​ @teamhook​ @aprilqueen84​ @qualitycoffeethings​ @superchocovian​ @artistic-writer​ @donteattheappleshook​ @doodlelolly0910​ @seriouslyhooked​ @tiganasummertree​ @lfh1226-linda​ @nikkiemms​ @xsajx​ @klynn-stormz​

Please let me know if you’d like to be added or removed.

Under the cut, unless Tumblr ate it.

In the year 1557, all the fairytales we know and love actually happened. Cinderella attended a ball, Sleeping Beauty was awakened by her prince, and Rumplestiltskin spun gold from straw for a poor miller’s daughter in exchange for her first born child.

Two years later, Princess Alice was crooning to her drowsy infant son in his cradle when the hairs on the back of her neck suddenly stood up and she knew she was no longer alone. An impish, unholy giggle sounded from behind her.

“Oh, Princess,” the demon songsonged, “I’ve come to collect my prize! All the straw in the tower spun into gold in exchange for your firstborn.” The tymber and tone of his voice sent a shiver of pure fear skittering down her spine. She picked up the baby and turned with him now clutched to her chest.

“Please, no,” she begged. The panic she felt was making it difficult to breathe. “How can I give up my child?”

“That is not my problem, dearie,” the imp replied. “Hand him over.” His voice lowered, menacingly, as he stalked towards her. “You do not want to back out of a deal with the Darkness.”

The princess’s face paled. “No, I know,” she agreed, her eyes falling to her sleeping son, oblivious to the tension around him. “But please, there must be something, anything else I can give you… please. I’ll do anything.”

A manic gleam appeared in the monster’s eye. “Anything, hmmm? I do love it when they say that,” he murmured, rubbing his hands together in delight.

“Anything, please,” the princess begged.

Now Rumplestiltskin was a monster of the highest order. The Darkness that he had willingly embraced centuries ago had now so fully possessed him that there was no humanity left in his heart. He would settle on a new victim and visit them over and over, holding out tantalizing deals, the sweetest rewards, for minimal cost. Only to snatch them away at the eleventh hour. There was nothing he loved more than tormenting his victims over months and even years until he could completely drown them in despair before finally closing in for the kill. The broken dreams and loss of hope was the sweetest taste he knew when he finally sank his fangs into tender flesh, leaving drained corpses in his wake.

“Tell you what,” he propounded. “I’ll give you three days. Three days to learn my name. If you succeed, I will renounce my claim on your child.”

“Thank you, thank you!” The princess rejoiced, overjoyed at the reprieve.

What she didn’t know however, is that Rumplestiltskin never made a deal that didn’t end in his favor. No one had spoken his name aloud since he was created over 500 years before. The only way she was going to be able to discover his name was if she found his dagger. The dagger bound to the Darkness that made him what he was. The Dark Dagger.

“I’ll return to you in three days time,” he promised. “If you’ve discovered my name by then, your child will remain with you. If not,” the gleam had returned, “he’s MINE.” The despicable creature disappeared in a cloud of grey smoke.

The moment she was alone, Alice fled from her room until she arrived in her husband’s study. He looked up, alarmed as she sought to bring her breathing under control. Brennan rose and crossed to her, his eyes and bearing filled with concern.

“What is it, my love?” the prince asked, drawing her into his side with one arm while the other hand lightly brushed his son’s head.

Alice looked into the blue eyes she loved so much, the hue of which was also found in the eyes of their child. “He came,” she choked out. “He came for Liam. He said that he’d return in three days time and if I could guess his name, he’d relinquish his claim on our son.”

The princess’s eyes filled with tears as she realized the foolhardiness of agreeing to the demon’s proposal. All she had accomplished was the buying for herself some time. Time to contemplate the inevitable.

“Do not worry, my darling,” her husband soothed his frightened wife. He drew her fully into his arms, stroking her hair.  “We’ll summon Blue. The chief of the fairies, and Fairy Godmother to our family. She will tell us what to do. It will be alright, my love.”

~*~*~

“You called, Your Highness?” The fairy hovered in the air before the prince and princess.

“Yes, Blue,” Brennan answered. “We need your help. Our son, our very future is at stake.” The breath caught in his throat as panic threatened to overwhelm him.

“If it is within my power to help, Your Highness, you can be sure, I will,” the fairy assured the frightened couple. With a bow of her head, she motioned for the prince to continue.

“Two years ago, you are aware, a bargain was struck between our fathers?” The fairy nodded. “The obligation on both sides was fulfilled. Alice produced gold from nothing more than straw, and she was given to me in marriage.” He turned affectionate eyes upon his bride. “What I didn’t know then, and what Alice revealed to me before our nuptials, is that she didn’t possess the magic at all. She had made a deal with a demon. He is the one who spun the straw into gold, but for the price of her first born.” He swallowed heavily, his fearful eyes turning back to the fairy before him. “She didn’t want me to marry her under false pretenses. Or at all, as much as she cared for me as well. She shared the price with me and revealed that she planned to never marry, thus never bearing a child for the demon to take.” He again turned his eyes upon the woman at his side. “But her revelation held no bearing for me. Alice had already captured my heart from the first moment I saw her. Nothing would stop me from making her mine.”

Alice’s cheeks flushed a pretty pink as she turned tender and loving eyes upon her husband. “But now the time has come for the price to be paid,” the princess added, still looking at her love. “The imp appeared in our chamber earlier to claim his, ‘prize’ he called him.” Her voice caught on a sob. “He called our child, a prize.” Brennan pulled his wife into his arms as her tears fell. He turned worried eyes upon the fairy.

“He gave the princess three days. Three days to guess his name. If she succeeded, Liam will be saved. If not, he will belong to the Darkness. Can you help us?” he begged.

Blue released a breath she hadn’t even been aware she was holding. When the Darkness was mentioned, she knew exactly to whom the prince and princess were referring.

“Yes, Your Highness, I can,” she declared to the royals before her. “The demon you made a bargain with is something with which I am well acquainted. He was once a man. A man obsessed with dark magic. The Darkness tempted him with everything he had ever wanted and in exchange, he readily agreed to act as host to it. I tried to intervene,” the fairy bowed her head in shame, “but I failed.” She shook her head in resolution. “But I can at least thwart him now.” Her eyes hardened with purpose as she stared at the couple. “His name is Rumplestiltskin.”

~*~*~

Three days later

Prince Brennan strode purposefully down the hallway, accompanied by his guards, towards his chambers that he shared with his beloved. Turning toward the men who followed, he spoke. “We do not know when the demon will appear. It could be anytime between now and nightfall. Remain outside the chamber until I call for you. I don’t expect that it will simply give up and disappear when the princess reveals her knowledge.”

“Yes, Your Highness,” the guard replied, as the prince reached the door to the chamber.

~*~*~

The princess sat upon her bed, cradling her son in her arms, and singing a lullaby. His blue, blue eyes stared into hers as her sweet voice followed the melody of a song taught to her by her own mother many years ago.

She was trying to keep herself calm as she knew exactly what this day would bring. She anxiously waited for her husband to join them in the room and fervently hoped that he would arrive before the monster did.

Just as she heard Brennan’s footsteps outside the door, the imp appeared in a cloud of smoke and with a wave of his hand, locked the chamber door from the inside, making sure that the prince would be unable to enter.

~*~*~

The men outside the door heard the telltale clank of the huge bolt locking into place preventing the prince from entering the room. The manic giggle from the inside of the room sent Brennan into a frenzied panic.

“Nooooooo,” he screamed. He banged on the door desperately, eyes wild, like a man possessed trying to get to his love. The guard pushed him aside and drew his sword to begin hacking at the solid wood door. But the prince could not be subdued. As the guard continued chopping away at the wood, he resumed banging on it while screaming for the Blue Fairy. “Blue! Blue Fairy! Come to my aid! Rumplestiltskin has returned!” He knew that she was his only hope to get into the room in time. Before the monster took everything he loved away from him.

His heart thundered so loudly in his ears that he nearly missed the urgent directive from the fairy as she suddenly appeared. “Step aside, Your Highness!” she called. The stream of magic from her wand barely missing him, he turned back toward the door as it was blasted open by the force of the white magic.  

The monster was nearly to the bed where Alice cowered holding little Liam to her breast. It turned and Brennan nearly skidded to a halt at the terrifying visage the creature bore. Green skin shimmered, blood red eyes gleamed with fury, sharp fangs glinted in the daylight that fell through the open window. “You!” the creature growled as the Blue Fairy flew into the room, her face white in her rage.

An otherworldly voice as deep as the ocean fell from her lips. “This family is under the protection of the Reul Ghorm. Begone monster!” The demon seemed to shrink in on itself and hissed at its nemesis. “You are bound by the deal you made with the princess. She fulfilled the terms of the deal. Go back to where you came from, Demon!”

“You haven’t seen the last of me,” the creature growled. It turned back toward the princess, pointing at the child she held. “He will be mine. You mark my words.” With that declaration, Rumplestiltskin disappeared. Brennan’s relief nearly brought him to his knees as he ran to his sobbing wife and gathered her in his arms. He whispered tender endearments into her hair and pressed kisses to her brow as he held her in his strong arms. After several minutes, the princess’ sobs finally trailed away.

Brennan turned his attention back to the fairy before him. With a gentle nod, Blue spoke. “I’ve done all I can. I’m sure there will come a day when Rumplestiltskin will attempt to fulfill his threat. We must remain vigilant. Guard against that day. Teach Liam about the monster’s dealings with this family. Prepare him. My protection is from the outside, and it has its limits. The protection you provide, Your Highnesses, is from within. There will come a day when you are gone and it will fall to him to take up the readiness on behalf of his family against this demon. If Liam is taught the full extent of this creature, if he is taught to beware, it will go well with him.”

Brennan turned his eyes upon his love.  He knew she understood the gravity of the charge laid upon them. “We will, Blue,” Brennan answered. “Thank you.”

Nodding at the couple, The Reul Ghorm diminished and flew away.

~*~*~

Many happy years passed. The couple welcomed a second son and invited eight year old Liam to meet his new baby brother.

“He’s kinda scrawny.” The young lad screwed up his face as he looked at the newborn. The baby opened his eyes and after a moment focused on the face before him. Liam couldn’t help the smile that broke over his countenance. Bringing his finger to lightly brush against his brother’s cheek, he whispered, “Hi, Killian. I’m your big brother, Liam. I’ll always be with you. And we’re gonna be best friends.” The baby turned toward the finger with his mouth opening and closing like he wanted to try and eat it. Liam laughed. “What’s he doing, Papa?”

“He’s hungry, son.” He helped Liam climb off of the bed, and smiled gently at him. “Let’s let Mama feed him and you can come back later for another visit, hmmm?”

“Okay, Papa,” the boy agreed, letting his father lead him out of the room.

What no one saw, what no one sensed, was a shadowy figure in the corner of the room. A figure with blood red eyes and sharp fangs. A figure cloaked in Darkness.

~*~*~

Many more years passed. Rumplestiltskin kept his distance, but watched from afar as the boys grew up. Nursing his hatred and wounded pride as the years rolled along, he watched as the old king passed and the prince and princess who had bested him ascended to the throne. They ruled with equity and kindness toward their subjects and the kingdom thrived.

The boys continued to grow with the younger idolizing the older and copying everything he did. As Liam approached manhood, a plan began to take shape in the mind of the cursed creature.

He would have to be patient. He wouldn’t turn a child. What was the point? He would have to wait nearly another decade before he would even consider putting his plan into action. Then, it was only a matter of getting rid of the Blue Fairy. Just long enough for him to accomplish his purposes. Then vengeance would be his.

~*~*~

Liam’s long stride brought him to the foot of the dais before the throne in just moments. Removing his Captain’s hat, he bowed low before his parents.

“You summoned me, Your Majesty?”

“Yes, Liam,” the king acknowledged. “The Blue Fairy,” he gestured toward the fairy standing on his right, “has brought us word that there is a worrisome gathering of dark magic at the edge of the kingdom. Given the history we have with Rumplestiltskin, we have every reason to believe that he may be gathering his strength and preparing to make good on his threat from when you were a newborn. We don’t want you or your brother anywhere near what may be happening.”

Liam could feel his blood pressure rising along with his ire at his father. “With all due respect, Father,” he was rather proud of the steadiness of his voice, “as Captain of Your Majesty’s flagship, I should be at the front of the potential battle.”

“No!” his father roared, “As the unmarried heir to the throne, we cannot risk it. You and Killian will be traveling to Habsburg Spain to negotiate a treaty. Their forays into the New World could prove very beneficial to the kingdom.”

“But, Father-,” Liam began.

“There is no ‘but’, Liam.” King Brennan’s voice was firm and brokered no argument. “You and your crew are to set sail with the evening tide. Blue will be investigating the disturbance and reporting back to us. By the time you get back, hopefully Rumplestiltskin will have been dealt with and you can live out your days in peace.”

Liam swallowed back his anger and bowed his head in acquiescence. “Yes, Father. I will abide by your command. We sail with the evening tide.” Nodding his head towards his mother and the Blue Fairy, he spun on his heel and left the throne room.

~*~*~

“Captain on deck!” The call rang out as Liam stepped off of the gangplank and greeted his brother.

The brothers grasped forearms before pulling each other into a warm hug. Pulling back, Liam patted Killian on the back . “Good evening, little brother.”

Killian raised an eyebrow at his beloved sibling. “I believe you mean younger brother. What orders from Father?”

Liam’s brow furrowed before he spoke. He turned toward the helm, Killian following closely behind. “We’ve been ordered to Habsburg Spain to negotiate a treaty. Trying to obtain some benefit from their explorations in the New World.”

“Ah, I see,” Killian acknowledged. “Why the downcast face then, brother?”

“Father and the Blue Fairy believe that Rumplestiltskin may be preparing to attack the kingdom. They don’t want us anywhere near it.” He raised his eyes to his brother to see confusion and anger darkening his eyes. “I know, brother.” He placed his hand on Killian’s shoulder. “I feel the same way. But Father said that they couldn’t risk losing either one of us in a war with the demon.”

He felt the tension in his shoulders and the anger in his heart dissipate just a bit at the reasoning behind sending them in the opposite direction from where they desired to serve their King and Father. “I can understand their reasoning, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

“Aye, brother,” Liam agreed. “But we will serve our king with honor and fulfill the mission that he has sent us on.”

Killian nodded, before turning toward the bow of the ship. “Master Bosun, all hands prepare to set sail.”

“Aye, sir!”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Killian’s eyes snapped open in the dead of night. Unnamed dread trickled down his spine sending shivers to all his extremities. Straining his eyes into the pitch black of his quarters, he called out, “Who’s there?”

He was answered with only a high pitched giggle. A giggle that transformed the dread into stark terror. He was blinded as the lantern in his cabin suddenly sprang to life.

When his eyes finally adjusted to the light, he beheld the monster that he had only heard about or seen in his nightmares when his overactive imagination took his parents words and conjured a monster of his own making. But what he saw before him now, was unlike anything he had ever seen in any of his worst nightmares. He recoiled at the sight of the creature in front of him, eyes the color of blood, dark green skin with a shimmer that made him think of a crocodile, scraggly hair that lay flat against the creatures head, and finally the high pitched giggle again sent Killian scrambling for his sword in its scabbard at the foot of his bed.

In the seconds it took for him to gain his feet and point his cutlass at the demon, questions, suppositions, and finally certainty ran through his brain.

What is it doing here? Father and the Blue Fairy thought it was at the edge of the kingdom! Why is it HERE, in my quarters? I’m not the heir. Killing me would do nothing to further its aims of revenge against my family. It was a trick! A trick to get us far enough away from the kingdom that Blue’s protection is gone. It’s here for Liam. And for some reason, it’s coming for me first.

As that thought cemented in his mind, Rumplestiltskin disappeared in a cloud of grey smoke. Killian blinked in surprise, momentarily stunned. Once he gathered himself, he tore open the door of his cabin and ran down the hall towards Liam’s, shouting for his brother.

Bursting into the cabin, he was horrified by what he found. Liam appeared reclined at the head of the bed, but the terror in his eyes, stiffness of his body, and unnatural position told Killian that he was not in repose. He realized that the monster was holding Liam up from behind, Liam’s back against its front as blood red eyes met his own over Liam’s shoulder. With a wink and a wave of its hand, Killian was frozen in place as the monster buried his head into Liam’s neck from where it held Liam tightly against him. Blood seeped down his neck from under the creature’s mouth as it fed on his brother. Killian couldn’t even scream his terror and rage in the frozen state in which he found himself. Liam’s hands reached out in front of him, seeking anything to bring him solace in his final moments. Killian couldn’t even close his eyes against the horror of what he saw. He was forced to watch every single moment of his beloved brother’s death. Each moment being seared into his memory. Liam’s eyes on his own, begging him for help that he couldn’t give, the steady paling of his skin as the monster drained every drop, the gurgling breaths from his gaping mouth, Liam’s arms finally dropping down to the bed, his head rolling back onto the beast’s shoulder as it finally released him.

Blood, Liam’s blood, dripped down its chin onto the nightshirt that had already collected stray drops that had leaked when the monster first began to feed. Rumplestiltskin pushed the lifeless body off of him so that Liam was unceremoniously dumped on the floor of his own cabin, his sightless eyes staring at the ceiling. Killian was still unable to shut his eyes against the gruesome sight, but he could feel his own tears gathering in them. A lump formed in his throat that he was helpless to swallow down. The beast stalked toward him, with a manic triumph shining in its red eyes.

“And now, dearie,” the monster giggled again, “for the other part of my plan. What better way to utterly destroy the kingdom than to take both its heir and the spare?” It giggled again, clapping its hands together with glee.

Killian’s tongue was finally loosened and he spat at the vile creature, hatred and fury blazing in his eyes. “Go on then, monster, kill me,” he screamed, his body still frozen in place.

“Oh, no dearie,” the demon replied, “death is not for you. I have other plans for you.” The imp posed before Killian with his clawed finger tapping a rhythm against its chin, as if it were thinking. “I have waited years to be able to enact my plan against your family, you see. And I intend to fully savor my victory.” It stalked toward him again, raising its wrist to its mouth and slicing open the vein there. Killian would have counted it a blessing if he could have lost consciousness at that moment as realization began to dawn of what the monster had planned. It raised its wrist to Killian’s face and let its blood fill his mouth. He tried to spit it out, but the overwhelming flood proved to be too much. After just a couple of swallows, Rumplestiltskin took the wrist away and healed it with a wave of the other hand. The demented grin on its face and the coppery taste of blood on his tongue made Killian want to throw up.

The beast wrestled him into its iron embrace and sank its teeth into his neck, Killian still powerless to fight against the creature. His scream that was working its way out of him was abruptly cut off as the mind of his tormentor filled his own with the darkest of imaginings, the most vile judgements, the most depraved desires. Trying with all his might to push against the images that filled his mind’s eye, he could feel his heartbeat starting to slow. In his mind, he thrashed and fought against what he knew was happening to him. Is this what Liam felt? A weakness and utter exhaustion spread through his frozen limbs. He could hear his heartbeat slowing… slowing… until he finally realized that he had not heard his heart beat in nearly a full minute, if he was accurate in his reckoning.

The demon released him both from its embrace and the magical imprisonment in which it had held him. Killian collapsed onto the floor, helpless to do anything but moan. His eyes finally shut against the terrifying visage that loomed over him. But he could not close his ears.

“We are connected now,” the monster boasted, “you and me. I’ll always be able to find you. You’ll never be able to get away from me.”

“I’ll kill you,” Killian slurred, his eyes remaining shut. “Even demons can be killed. I will find a way.”

“Well, good luck with that, dearie,” it taunted, before a swoosh told him that the beast had left him alone.

A keening wail that came from the depths of his being, spread through every extremity and finally burst from his mouth at the horror that he had just witnessed and been subjected to. Finally opening his eyes and crawling toward his dead brother as the physical agony of his body dying tore through him, tears of blood fell to the planks below. But the blood of the demon in his system would keep him alive and make him into the very same creature. The creature that he hated to the depths of his soul. The creature that he swore vengeance upon.

Gathering Liam’s body in his arms, he cried out his pain and despair into the emptiness of the cabin. Burying his face into the shoulder of his brother, his hero, his whole world, he swore, “I will avenge you, Liam. I will kill that bloody monster, if it’s the last thing I ever do.”

Thank you so much for reading and letting me know what you think!

[casualmaraudering]

after 2342394 years we have a second chapter

***

The bedroom is pitch black when Sirius wakes up. And right from the moment he opens his eyes, he feels like death.

His throat is dry and sore - as if he’s caught a nasty cold or spent the past two days drinking - and his eyes feel heavy and wet. He’s sweaty, there’s a rather painful squeeze to his stomach, and his head is pounding.

None of it comes as a surprise, really. He always feels like shit whenever his body decides to catch up on sleep - it’s funny, almost. When he doesn’t sleep at all - he feels awful. And then when he sleeps for more than absolutely necessary - he ends up just as bad, if not worse. A lose-lose situation, his sleeping habits.

There’s a moment of hesitation before he reluctantly reaches for his phone.

4.52AM

Undoubtedly, the worst part about his body catching up after bad episodes is how it fucks up his mood. The wrecking guilt for waisting 14 goddamn hours is already set heavy in his stomach. He’s wasted the whole evening - and in his current situation, he can’t fucking afford to do that. He could’ve gone shopping - there’s barely any food in the fridge - or done his schoolwork, or even just spend time with his brother.

And God, thinking about Regulus always manages to make Sirius feels even worse.

Cause he’s supposed to be better than the goddamn fuckup he currently is. He should be able to set a good example. But he can’t. Hell, he feels that Regulus is the one taking care of him more often than the other way around.

Sometimes, Sirius wonders whether he should’ve left Reg at Grimmauld. To live a privileged, rich life they were so used to, with cooks and maids and no worry in the world on his head. They’ve always liked Regulus better anyway - it’s Sirius who’s always been the rebel, the improper one, the hated one. The queer one, though that came a bit later (and it’s not like Sirius ever told anyone. That would’ve gotten him thrown out, and he couldn’t let that happen - he needed to leave on his own terms, with Regulus in tow). Maybe they never would’ve hit Regulus? He knows how to behave, after all.

Yet Sirius couldn’t bring himself to chance it. He can’t stomach the thought of his little brother alone in that godforsaken place. Even if Sirius fucks up at being an adult, at least he can assure Regulus grows up loved and without anyone ever raising their hand on him. It’s all he can do for now.

But, while Sirius would love to stay in bed for the rest of the day - or possibly the rest of time - and sink deeper into the pit of despair he’s fallen into, he can’t. Not when he’s got work at 8 and so many things to do before that. The disgusting mood will stay, just like it always does, but Sirius can just lie his way through the mental disarray he’s got going on. He might be a fuck up, but he’s a fuck up responsible for a human being that needs tending to. If it weren’t for Regulus, well… Sirius probably wouldn’t make it as far as today.

So, with a bit of difficulty, he gets up. Right away he gets overwhelmingly dizzy, and his stomach churns with discomfort. He groans in annoyance and sways towards the bathroom. What a way to start the day indeed.

After throwing up (and dry heaving for a bit, because he hasn’t eaten in a good while, so there’s not really much to vomit with), Sirius follows his usual routine of loo-teeth-shower-hair drying. It makes him feel a bit better, at least. He throws the clothes he fell asleep in into the hamper (he needs to do the laundry sometime today, he notes) and trots to his bedroom to look for something to wear.

He checks his phone while squeezing himself into his jeans (not as tight as he’d usually go for - he wants to be able to move comfortably at work) and finds he has several messages.

There’s a few from James - nothing important, either random things he did throughout the day or memes. One from Lily, telling him there’s Chinese in the fridge for when he wakes up and that if he tries to slip her the money for it, she’ll slit his throat (typical, but Sirius will find a way to pay her back anyway).

And then, there’s one that actually makes Sirius smile.

From: Remus

6.21PM

Hope you dream about something nice tonight.

Sirius wished he didn’t remember all the extremely embarrassing things he had said to Remus yesterday - declaring love after knowing the man for five minutes being icing on the cake - but they’re stuck in his memory, ready to taunt him tonight when he inevitably won’t be able to sleep. Though, seeing as Remus did send him a text, maybe not all is lost?

To: Remus

5.20AM

I had the nicest dream. Guess who was in it ;)

There’s no harm in hoping, at least.

****

After getting breakfast (and praising Lily for thoughtfulness, because of course, the fridge is empty), Sirius goes through as many chores as he can before he has to hurry off to work. He puts the laundry on, gets groceries - cringes at the bill extremely, but he can’t just feed his brother instant ramen - and even cleans the kitchen a bit. He puts some toast into the toaster (without the crusts, and leaves a kettle full of freshly boiled water next to a box of green tea) and goes to wake Regulus. It’s not that Sirius necessarily needs to - the kid has a phone with an alarm, after all - but he likes it. It makes him feel more involved; more like an actual responsible brother.

Upon knocking on his door, before even Sirius has a chance to enter, he hears a loud groan; Sirius chuckles at that as he steps inside. While he himself had always been an early riser, Regulus loathes mornings more than anything in the world.

“Rise and shine, Your Majesty,” Sirius says brightly, leaning against the doorway. He smiles as he watches Regulus pull the covers over his head.

“‘eout-”

“No can do, you have a maths test today. Out of bed, sir.”

“Mhmm.”

“If I don’t see you at breakfast in ten minutes, I’m dumping a bucket of cold water right on your head.”

“‘u w’ldn’t. You’d h’ve to clean.”

Sirius laughs, shaking his head slightly. “Ten minutes,” he only says, stepping back and closing the door again.

It’s fifteen minutes until Regulus, sleepy and visibly very grumpy, stomps into the kitchen and sits himself next to Sirius at the kitchen table (Sirius lets him have 20 minutes - if it’s more than that, he always finds he had fallen back asleep).

“I’ll be back from work at 6,” he says, passing a cup of tea to his brother, who takes it without even slight hesitation. “D’you wanna wait for me and have dinner then, or do you want to order in?”

“I’ll be back later too,” Regulus informs him, taking small sips of his tea (he takes his tea ridiculously hot, Sirius had learned, which he simply stopped questioning it after a while). “I have a project to do with a friend. I’ll be at her house.”

“A friend, huh?” Sirius’s mouth raises in a smirk. “And what’s that friend’s name?”

Regulus rolls his eyes and huffs. “Amelia.”

Sirius smiles harder. “And are you and Amelia good friends?”

“Oh stop that.”

“I’ve no idea what you’re talking about. ‘m not doing anything.”

“Yes you are!” Regulus says in frustration. “You’re doing the girls thing. She’s not my girlfriend or anything, I don’t like her like that. She’s just a friend.”

Sirius’s gaze softens, and he ends up ruffling Reg’s hair - something he knows Regulus extremely hates.

“I know, I’m just joking around.”

He trusts - and hopes - Regulus would tell him if he started being interested in someone. Both of them aren’t really the type to talk about things like that anyway. Regulus, of course, knows Sirius is gay, but Sirius rarely talks about any boyfriends. Though, that might be cause he doesn’t really do that. Not since they left their parents, anyway.

And it’s not he doesn’t want to; it just never seems like the right time. He’s far too busy with school and then work and then caring for his brother - there’s nowhere to squeeze in dates. And sure, every now and again James and Lily drag him out of the house for the evening, but he never ends up coming home with anybody either; the anxiety about leaving his brother alone for the night is too much. Regulus isn’t a little kid anymore, but Sirius feels he shouldn’t leave him alone for a whole night. Not just yet, at least.

“So when will you be home?” Sirius asks, leaving the table to get his gear on and look for his bike keys (he always manages to loose them, somehow). Thank God for his bike - if it weren't for her, Sirius would be late for work pretty much every day, with how late he leaves the house.

“At 8, maybe?”

“No later than 9, okay? And give me a call if you need me to pick you up.”

“Mhm.”

“You’re grounded if you’re here a second after nine.”

He hears Regulus snort in reply. He walks to the kitchen, ruffles his brother’s hair once again (and earns a very displeased noise in response) and makes his way out the door.

By that time, Sirius’s stomach has settled, and although his head is still throbbing, and he still feels like shit, he’s confident the day at work should pass swiftly. Or so he hopes, at least.

And an hour into the workday, he’s proven wrong.

Working as a mechanic is, obviously, incredibly messy and even more tiring, but today everything seems to go slightly wrong; fussy customers, parts falling onto his feet or hands, accidental burns, and an oil spill all over his trousers. And that’s just little over an hour since he clocked in.

If only he could quit, he would.

Except he has barely any cash in his bank account right now, and it’s not like he has Mummy and Daddy’s fortune to rely on anymore. There’s some savings in his account, but that’s only for emergencies, and it’s not like it’s much. Not enough for rent and utilities, anyway.

Thinking about that always makes Sirius’s stomach clench uncomfortably. He’s so damn tired all the time from constant work, and all his muscles ache at the end of the day, and then there’s always something left to do at home. There’s not really much he can do about that other than to suck it up. It always comes down to Regulus anyway. Sirius isn’t doing it for himself - he wants Reg to have a good life, a happy life, not to be miserable like Sirius had been back in their family home.

He just wants his brother to be happy and healthy, and if that means having to work a few too many hours, then be it.

Sirius’s day passes in a blur of oil spills, clunking of metal, and about four cups of coffee, before he can finally make his way back home and drop onto the couch in exhaustion. The tension in his shoulders aches deeply whenever he moves; the skin on his hands is irritated and red (he really should invest in some moisturizer), and his hair feels uncomfortably dirty even if he's washed it today morning. He could stay on the couch forever.

But of course, life calls. Or more like texts.

And by life, he means James.

From: Prongs 🥰

6.15PM

pub??? now???? come pls?? i miss you :(

Sirius sighs deeply (and probably far too dramatically). He’s exhausted, and sore, and he wouldn’t even be able to drink because Reggie might call him for a ride later. All he wants is to crawl into bed right now, and hope he can sleep for even just a little bit tonight.

But then, he hasn’t seen his friends in what feels like ages and he genuinely misses them. It might be a bad choice, but well... if there’s one thing Sirius is known for, it’s making bad choices. So he agrees.

He quickly cooks dinner, just so there’s something to heat up when Regulus is back, and leaves a post-it note on the counter in case Regulus is home before him. Then, just as he’s about to throw on his jacket again and rush out the door, a thought pops into his mind. 

He pulls out his phone, sends a quick texts, and leaves his flat.

To: Remus

6.21PM

any chance you wanna come down to Three Broomsticks for a pint? my treat

[turtlepated]

The Handbook for the Recently Married (to the Deceased)

Chapter 5:

[PG:13 - some adult language and nudery.]

Awkward night time conversations! Yay!

Tag list: @sapphic-florals , @beetlejuicebeadoll , @do-ya-hear-that-sound , @imtherain , @imsuchahobbit , @pastelnacht , @tialanderrol , @sammyskip , @monsterlovinghours , @allmycrushesaredead , @hoodoo12

----

I dithered around uncertainly, trying to put off the inevitable awkwardness of sleeping arrangements. Given his repeated overtures and flirtations, I wasn’t totally comfortable at the idea of sleeping in the same room with him, let alone in the same bed, so my first notion was to fix up the couch for him. Predictably, Beetlejuice balked at the idea. After all, he pointed out, we were married, and I sincerely regretted arming him with that particular factoid. I knew if I didn’t get to sleep soon, tomorrow would be an exhaustive nightmare so in the interest of speeding things along I gave in and agreed to share the bed. “For sleeping,” I spelled out firmly, the look of excitement immediately melting off his face. He pouted, sticking out a trembling lower lip and fixing me with puppy dog eyes. “Aw, c’mon, babes!” he whined. “You’re really gonna shut me out on our wedding night?” I sighed deeply, shoving down the fluttery sensation in my stomach as I pulled back the covers and distributed the pillows more evenly. Also to hide the flush in my cheeks. 

“Some of us have jobs to get to in the morning,” I reminded him. “I need sleep.” Beetlejuice, pacing in no particular pattern or urgency, stopped dead at the end of the bed and rounded on me. He let his shoulders slump and his mouth fall open in a look of utmost dejection. “And you’re gonna leave me all alone tomorrow?” I climbed into bed with a sigh. “You’re breaking my heart, Beej,” I said with a not-totally-unsympathetic chuckle as I reclined against my pillow. “But there’s this little thing called rent? Also light and water and food and stuff? Unless bio-exorcism pays you really, really well in which case I can quit my job?” He frowned, dropping his gaze to the mattress. “I… no… not really, no. Or at all.” I nodded once, the matter resolved. “Okay, then. I’ll keep my job and we can live in a house instead of in a box under a bridge.” Beetlejuice sighed harshly, flopping face down onto the bed. “I guess so,” he said, the words almost indistinguishable because his face was pressed into the mattress. He raised himself up on one elbow, resting his head in his hand as he turned his attention back to me. I stiffened, feeling as if there were a spotlight on me as he studied my face with slightly narrowed eyes. “What?” I finally asked, anything to make him stop looking at me that way. That same slow smile graced his features, a mischievous glint to his eyes. “I was just thinkin about that kiss from before,” he said. “I could be wrong, but you were into it, weren’t ya babes?”  

I rolled my eyes and shook my head at the ceiling, but I felt uncomfortable heat rising again, and this time he noticed. His grin spread wider, flashing teeth and he chuckled. “Ah, your head says no but that blush says yes!” he crooned, pleased with himself, twirling his pointer finger at my face. I kept my mouth shut, unwilling or maybe unable to meet his eyes and only succeeded in giving myself away even more than I had already. Beetlejuice was practically giddy by now, mega-wat grin, dancing eyes, his newly cleaned hair fluffy and messy and vibrant green. I wondered if it might be a trick of the light, but I could swear it was shot through with magenta streaks. “Admit it, babes, you’re curious,” he said, lowering his gravelly voice to a husky tone that made my insides squirm as though filled with live eels. “You’re wonderin what kinda lay I am, aren’t ya? I know what I’m doin in the sack, lemme tell ya.”  

My stomach continued to writhe as I became aware that my pulse was picking up, thumping in my ears, my mouth suddenly dry as Beetlejuice rose slowly onto his hands and knees, his eyes locked with mine as he crawled forward across the vast expanse of mattress that seemed to lay between us. I gulped, feeling my heart pounding against my ribs as he came to hover, not quite on top of me but close, so much closer than we’d been since the enthusiastic kiss at the abbreviated wedding ceremony. I could practically count his eyelashes as his half-lidded eyes roved my face in a heated look. “I can take real good care of you, baby doll,” he promised in the same low, throaty rasp that made goosebumps break out up my arms. I held my breath and watched, frozen, as he leaned in with a self-assured smile on his lips. “Made Ava Gardener squeal more than once, I’m sure I could help ya get a good night’s sleep.”  

I couldn’t tear my eyes away from his mouth and judging by his grin he was more than aware of it. I watched it drawing closer until it blurred, pressing against my own. It was different this time, softer, more insistent but without the overbearing crush of lips and teeth. I sighed through my nose, my eyes fluttering shut as he moved his lips against mine. He traced my bottom lip with the tip of his tongue, drawing it gently between his and sucking just slightly, with only the barest amount of pressure. Part of me was furious with myself for getting so worked up over so little actual contact; part of me wanted to sink my hands into his hair and hold him close until we absolutely had to come up for air. Instead my fingers tightened in the bedsheets. Beetlejuice broke off first, pecking his lips against me again before lowering his head to whisper to me, the scruff on his cheek tickling against my skin, his breath ghosting over the shell of my ear and the side of my neck. “Whatdya say, babes? Sure you don’t wanna go a couple rounds?” An involuntary shiver ran its way down my spine and he chuckled. “Is that a yes?” My eyes opened and I gasped sharply, my field of vision filled with Beetlejuice’s smug expression and his bare, pale chest covered in fine green hair. I scrambled to get my hands under me, pushing myself upright as stifling heat flooded through me from my scalp to my toes. Beetlejuice pulled back to let me up but didn’t retreat otherwise, grinning unabashedly at me as he knelt on the comforter in all his glory.  

“Where the fuck are your clothes?!” I demanded. He giggled. “Such language, babes!” he teased. “You kiss your husband with that mouth? Would you?” Beetlejuice puckered his lips and leaned towards me and I yelped, scrambling out and away from the bed with my pillow clutched to me like a shield. Beetlejuice was outright laughing now, and had our positions been reversed I had to concede that I would probably be doing just the same. I must look quite the picture, my cheeks flaming, my chest heaving, cowering behind a down-stuffed pillow. Against my will my eyes traveled over his body, taking in the curve of his shoulders and the shadow of his collar bones, the gentle swell of his stomach and the trail of wispy emerald hair that led to his naval and beyond. I swallowed hard and wrenched my gaze back up to his face, which was plastered with the biggest shit-eating grin. “Aw, what’s the matter, doll? You’re not a virg, are ya?” he purred. When I averted my gaze and my blush deepened, his eyebrows shot up toward his hairline. “Oooh, you are??” He shifted on his knees, looking eager as a kid at Christmas and I raised my pillow to hide his nether regions from view. “Don’t be nervous, everybody has a first time. I swear I’ll be a gentleman about it, so don’t even worry!”  

At that I scoffed, throwing the pillow at him. “Says the horny demon who stripped naked out of the blue!” I snapped, flustered and mortified and resolutely ignoring the tiny voice piping in my head that said to go for it. Beetlejuice caught the pillow easily and let it settle in his lap, much to my relief. “Just… slow it down a bit, will you?!” I entreated. “This has been the longest, weirdest weekend of my entire life and I just…. I need some time to think!” I leaned back against my dresser, pressed my face into my palms and tried to regain some semblance of composure. “Gee, babes, I wasn’t tryin to piss you off,” said Beetlejuice, and he actually did sound apologetic. “I’m not mad,” I said, sighing heavily. “I’m just… a little overwhelmed, I guess. Would you please put your clothes back on?” He didn’t answer, but I did hear him snap his fingers, followed by the creaking of the bedframe. I waited a beat before I dared to look. Beetlejuice, clothed once again, was sitting cross-legged on the far side of the bed, his arms folded around my pillow which he still held in his lap. “Better?” I nodded and tentatively settled back on my side of the bed. “Thank you.”  

Awkward silence lapsed between us for a long moment while I fidgeted with the hem of my nightshirt, debating whether or not to just go sleep on the couch myself. “You’re right, okay?” I said instead. “I’ve never really been with anyone and to be honest, this is not the way I always imagined it would happen. I mean, we’re married, but we don’t even know each other.” He frowned and gave a shrug. “That kinda thing’s never really mattered to me before,” he admitted. “I sorta have to get while the gettin’s good, before they change their minds.” I snorted softly through my nose at his complete lack of filter, surprised again by how forthcoming he was and deciding that I ought to return the favor. “I mean, you kept comparing this whole arrangement to a green-card marriage,” I went on, and he bobbed his head in a so-so gesture. “But just how much like a green-card marriage is it really? Like, will we be able to divorce in a year and then you just go on your merry way?” “What?” I jerked, startled by the tone of his voice: loud but hoarse as if the word had taken him unawares, blasting from him when he didn’t have the air to actively shout it out. His eyes were huge, a combination of fear and anger and despair flickering through them like a slide projector gone ballistic. There was no mistaking it this time as I watched color bleed up through his hair from the roots, blues and purples swallowing the dull green. “You’re already trying to figure out how to get rid of me?”

Whatever I’d been planning on saying next died in my throat as Beetlejuice almost visibly shrank in on himself, his arms curling tighter around the pillow, his hands fisting in the material. Panic flared bright and sharp in my chest as I hurried to backtrack, to explain. I found myself scooting closer to him, my hands itching with the urge to reach out, to touch him, to try and offer some sort of comfort. “No! No, nothing like that!” I assured him, my chest clenching when he held himself back out of my reach. Not wanting to upset him even more, I pulled them back, pressing my fists together in my lap to stop my fingers twitching with the want to reach for him again. “You just said it, though,” he retorted, but there was no bite to the accusation, the words came out hollow and resigned. “Will we be able to divorce in a year? You don’t want me here.” I sighed, angry with myself, pained by how distraught he looked and sounded because he was technically right, that was what I had said. “Beetlejuice, that’s not true,” I said gently. “It’s like I told you earlier, I want you to be comfortable here, this is your home now, too. But can I ask you something?” He wouldn’t look at me, so I levered myself forward, swiveling my head, trying to catch his eye. Finally he relented with a harsh sigh, dropping the pillow from his middle and raising his eyebrows in invitation.

I considered my words carefully, wary of how easily and quickly he might misinterpret them. “If you didn’t have to stay with me, would you even want to?” Beetlejuice frowned deeply, worrying his lip between his teeth at my inquiry. His fingers curled and uncurled in my pillow, his eyes fixed on them as he replied, “You sure do like to ask the hard questions, dontcha?” I chuckled and nodded. “I wanna figure out how this whole being married thing is going to work,” I said. “I wanted to help you and I don’t regret doing it, but… I also don’t want to get invested in somebody who’s just gonna take off the moment the mood strikes? Does that make sense?” He looked up at me for a moment, and I worried that I’d upset him further, but he quickly glanced away again. Now that I’d asked the one question that had been bouncing around in my brain like an errant ping pong ball ever since Barbara asked me a thousand years ago “What’re you gonna do now?” it seemed I might never stem the tide of thoughts and worries.

“Let’s say we decide to really give this a shot,” I rambled. “What if we genuinely just… don’t like each other? What if it doesn’t work? What if we both decide we don’t want to be married anymore? If we split up, what does that mean for you? Do you get to stay alive or do you go back to being dead since we didn’t fulfill the ‘til death to us part’ vow? Will we be stuck together, then? Making each other miserable? And what if one of us dies? Like if a tree falls on me do you get to stay alive then? I’d think so, since you held up your half of the vow, but do marriage vows to demons count as binding contracts? And if it turns out that we can’t divorce, even if we both want to, the only way out would be for one of us to die. If you died, you’d just end up exactly where you started and the whole thing would’ve been for nothing! It would have to be me, right? If I died then you did your due diligence and you’re free and clear? It’s not likely at my age, but after all we never really know, do we? Would it count if I kil-”

I was cut off by a pair of chilled and slightly sweaty palms clapping firmly over my mouth. Beetlejuice was leaning forward over his lap, both arms extended toward me, his eyes wide and panicked, his hair a mottled mix of purple and yellow with pale olive green barely visible in his dark roots. “I don’t know where you were goin there, babes, but I’m gonna stop you right there,” he said, his voice back to its normal gravelly timbre. His tone was more serious than I ever expected to hear from him. “You don’t wanna do that, for a lot of reasons: first is that nothing could be worth it, ‘specially not me. Second of all, if you off yourself up here, when you get to the Netherworld you have to work in Customs and Processing forever as punishment for punching out early. Like, forever forever. No holidays or weekend or pee breaks. It sucks, and I should know!” I reached up slowly and took his wrists, pulling his hands from my chin as I let my arms come to rest in my lap. I didn’t let go and he didn’t try to pull free.

“Is…” I began tentatively, afraid of upsetting him. “Is that what happened to you?” Beetlejuice scoffed good-naturedly. “Nah, babes. I was born dead! But my mom runs the department, so she just sorta put me to work. I was a ferryman.” Intrigued, I asked him what that meant and he only too happily obliged to share. His job, he said, had been to act as a guide to the souls of the recently deceased, directing them to the Netherworld and helping them get their footing on ‘the other side’. From what he said, it was a pretty easy gig and he was a natural at it. Sometimes, though, people didn’t actually want to leave. Beetlejuice himself had no problem with this preference and on the occasion when he met a ghost who, for whatever reason, had no desire to pass over to the Netherworld he would let them linger in the living world. He’d even give them a hand with their unfinished business. Which didn’t sit well with his mother/boss or her superiors. “So just like that, I was banished to the living world and cursed to be completely invisible until a living person said my name three times. I’m the reason why there’s a Handbook now instead of ferrymen. The Handbook always stays on-script.”

At some point during his story Beetlejuice had taken his hands back, sitting cross-legged in front of me so our knees were touching. He gestured animatedly as he talked, like he was giving a performance. Additionally, his hair had returned to its previous shade of mossy green, which I took to be a good sign. There was one piece from his tale that I found myself hung up on. “Wait, so…. Your own mother is the one who cursed and banished you?” Beetlejuice grinned, but the expression didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Yep. My mom’s a barrel of warm fuzzy feelings.” I frowned unhappily and curled my fingers around his without thinking. “That’s awful!” His eyes, laser-focused on my hand lying on his own, darted away as he pulled out of my grasp to scratch absently at his belly. “Yeah, well, what’re ya gonna do,” he said dismissively. “Ancient history, babes.”

I glanced past him at the digital alarm clock on the bedside table: it was almost one in the morning. I groaned internally, knowing that I would be dog tired at work tomorrow. It felt like we had made progress, even with the hiccups, and I thought that maybe we’d at least come to something of an understanding. “It’s really late, Beej, and I have to get some sleep. But before we turn in, I wanna know: are we really gonna take a stab at this?” He grimaced, uncomfortable with the mountain of uncertainty I’d raised. “I don’t really know how to answer your questions, babes. It’s not like there’s a lot to go on, I’m the only born-dead demon there is.” I nodded my understanding, moving my leg just enough to bump his knee with mine and prompt him to look at me. “I’m willing to try if you are,” I said. “Think we could figure it out?” Beetlejuice didn’t answer right away, his eyes studying my face intently as if reading something written across my skin. He seemed satisfied with whatever he saw, because he grinned his devilish grin and thrust his hand at me to shake. “Sounds like a deal, doll face!” I grinned back and took his hand, shaking it firmly. “I’m glad we settled that. I have to get to sleep now otherwise I’ll be a zombie all day tomorrow.”

Beetlejuice sat where he was on the bed, watching me through the open bathroom door as I brushed my teeth. Once we were both settled under the covers, he snapped out the light with a flick of his wrist. I lay on my right side, breathing deeply through my nose, trying to drift off. I was a bit distracted by my bedmate, who kept wiggling, adjusting his pillow, sticking his arms under the covers before pulling them out and then immediately sticking them back under. I sighed loudly and he went still, like a pet who waits until they think you’re no longer paying attention to resume whatever illicit action they’re engaging in. I said nothing, at least partially sure he was drilling for a nerve. He settled down again after a few minutes, and I heard his breath deepen and slow. Silence fell at last, broken only by the steady hum of the fan I kept on just for the noise. I had nestled more comfortably into my pillow, just on the edges of drifting off when Beetlejuice asked, “Just to clarify, sex is like totally off the table for tonight, right?” My eyes opened, glaring at the dark shape of my dresser against the wall. “Correct,” I answered simply, hoping that maybe now the matter was well and truly resolved.

It wasn’t.

“What if we just spoon?” he asked a few minutes later. I sighed again, but I was too tired to muster any real anger. “Just go to sleep, Beetlejuice,” I said. He’d mentioned that his name had power over him. I didn’t know if that would hold true now that he was alive, but maybe just hearing it would convince him to pipe down. I was right, for about two minutes. I felt him shift behind me, and I could almost picture him raising himself up on one elbow to face me. “Don’t I at least get a goodnight kiss?” I let out my breath in a hard exhale and he snickered, pleased with himself to have gotten under my skin. Not willing to let him win this round, I sat up and rolled to face him. My eyes had adjusted to the darkness of the room, so I could see him faintly lying on his back with one arm tucked behind his head. The self-satisfied grin slipped from his face as I leaned over him, his eyes going wide and round and roving my face as I cupped his cheek and pressed a soft, chaste kiss to his lips while lightly scratching the scruff on his jaw with my fingertips. I pulled away smiling, feeling victorious at the look of frozen shock still on his face. “Good night,” I said, rolling back over.

I was still smiling when I finally drifted off. 

-----

To quote another fantastic Beej writer: “Whoops, I angsted!” 

But hopefully the fluff and banter makes up for it. Coming up next: what does your demon husband get up to when you’re not around?

Thanks for reading! If you’d like to be tagged in future chapters, hit me up!

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 6

[cauliflowercounty]

You’re Not Alone (Clyde Logan x Reader)

Warnings:  ANGST. Some sad feels and a few distressing themes.

Clyde is getting deployed and it’s hard to say goodbye.

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     “Do you really have to go, Clyde?” you ask, head resting on his chest with your hands around his waist, not wanting to let go.  Clyde bends down shakily and brings his hands to your head, running his fingers through your hair.  “Iraq is so far away.. a-and you’ll be there for so long.”

     “I’m afraid so, Darlin’.  I hate to go, but it’s m’duty,” he sighs, a few tears starting to well up.  He knew the goodbye would be hard before today and he promised himself he’d get through it easily, but Clyde can’t seem to manage to step away from you.  Grasping the fabric of his uniform in your palms, you look into his eyes and cup his face.

     “I’m sorry, Clyde. I shouldn’t keep you any longer.  You’ll miss your flight,” you sniffle, kissing him wholeheartedly.  Clyde reciprocates, kissing you with all he’s got.  His heart warms knowing someone like you is there for him, but it aches because he’s leaving you behind while he’s off in Iraq and there’s a chance he might not come back.  You drop your hands down reluctantly, wanting nothing more than to take his hands and run away somewhere far away where he’ll be safe and you’ll be together.

     “It’s okay, Darlin’...” Clyde says, picking up his duffle bag from the ground with a large sigh.  He’s already regretting leaving you, even though he hasn’t gone.  He straightens his shoulders, attempting to mount the courage to leave the trailer you share, but it fades away as you look at him.  He sees the sadness in the way you hold yourself and he hopes he’ll never have to see this ever again.  “I love you, y/n.”

    “I love you, too Clyde,” you smile weakly as he moves out the door You follow him to the door and you stop him as he steps onto the porch.  “You’ll write to me, right, Clyde?” you ask hopefully, trying to ease the pain in your chest.

     “Of course I will.  I’ll tell you what I’m up to and who I meet,” he assures you.

     “and I’ll keep you updated on Jimmy and Mellie and what sort of trouble they're getting into,” you smile to him.  

     “I... gotta go...”

     “Yeah...  Stay safe, Clyde?” you say and he nods to reassure you.

      “I will, y/n.  Don’t you think for a moment I won’t come home to you.  I’m gonna be around for a long time.  After I finish my tours of service, I’ll be here with you and we’ll be together for the rest of time,” he says, kissing your cheek one last time.  He steps away and gives you a wave as the taxi to Charelston pulls up.  As he’s halfway down the driveway to the road, he turns back an give you a wave and blows a kiss.  You wave back, hot tears starting to run down your cheeks.  Clyde turns his back to you and keeps walking, and you cross your arms and turn away, not wanting the memory of him going ingrained in your brain.  You walk back into the trailer and everything is quiet.  Too quiet.  The only sound that can be heard is the tick of the analog clock and the dripping of the faucet Clyde fixed only a few days ago.  

     The tears consume you and within a half a second you’re bawling.  You think of how he just left rather unceremoniously just walking down the old dirt road to the street.  You throw yourself at the door to the trailer again and rush out of it, not bothering to close it behind you.  You run down the road, hoping the taxi is still there because Clyde is messing with his bag or the taxi driver is hassling him about the fare.  As you get to the end of the path, there’s nothing there.  Looking from left to right and then left again, you see nothing but winding Boone County, West Virginia road and that’s enough to make your heart shatter. He’s gone.

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     Staring at the photo of you and him he stowed in his bag the first day, he smiles, knowing he’s finally going home.  The uneven road jostles him and his army buddies in the transport they’re taking to the airport to go back home.  He smiles himself, the thought of you comforts him and you’re almost within his grasp.  Once he’s back, he’ll take you in his arms, kissing you over and over again.  He’ll dress up in his best clothes and take you out dancing or something.  Whatever you’d want and whatever will make you happy will be just fine with him.

     “How much longer until the airport?” David asks from beside Clyde, impatient.  The driver replies they’re almost there and it’ll be about 30 minutes.  Tipping his head back, Clyde tries to stretch out and relax for the remainder of the trip.  He closes his eyes.  There’s a loud bang and everything is falling.  There's an automatic pain that shoots up his left arm. People around him shout or gasp for a millisecond, but everything cuts out and it’s all white noise.

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     Blinking his eyes open, Clyde stirs in his place.  He looks up at a bland-looking ceiling made of drop-out ceiling tiles.  He tries to stir, but everything is stiff.  As he becomes more aware of the world around him, he feels something wrapped around his left arm and there’s some sort of weight on and near it on the bed.  He tries to move his fingers, but he can only articulate his right hand.  He knows something’s wrong and his eyes widen in fear and panic.  He looks down and sees you, curled up and hunched over next to him in a chair with your head resting on his left arm.  As he stirs more you lift your head up, waking up form your sleep.  You gasp and let out a short laugh of relief. You rush for him, grabbing onto his shoulders, running your fingers through his hair to cup his head in your palms and kiss him like there’s no tomorrow.

     “Darlin’,” he croaks weakly, but you shush him.

     “I was so worried, Clyde Logan!” you immediately bawl into his neck, not letting him say anything while trying to repress your anger.  You’re angry, but not at him. You’re angry at the world and what it is and what it’s done. “You scared me half to death!  When I got the call, I thought they were gonna tell me you died!  Then they told me you were in a hospital in Charleston and I...”  You freeze, realizing you're probably scaring and overwhelming him.  “Oh, Clyde...  I’m sorry.  I’m not angry with you or anything...  I just thought I lost you and that-”

     “It’s okay, Darlin’,” Clyde says, trying to sit up on the pillows behind his head.  “What happened?”

     “Well, from the call I got, they said there was a roadside mine... an anti-vehicle mine on the roadway.  They said that your transport hit it and...,” you choke, the words lodging in your throat.  “You got hurt and it sent you into a coma for a while and-”

     Clyde’s eyes trail down to his left arm and his eyes widen.  His arm’s wrapped up in some sort of bandage, but it’s not his whole arm.  His hand is missing and all that’s left is a stump.  Lifting his arm up, he eyes it, not saying anything. 

     “It took m’arm...,” he whispers to himself.  “It took m’arm,” he repeats again, this time he’s shouting.  His body starts to shake as tears well up into his eyes and his body becomes wracked with sobs.  He’s crying now.  Loud and ugly, not like in the movies.  Immediately, you wrap your arms around him to try to calm him.  Clyde shoves his face into your embrace and wraps his arms around you, quaking with despair.  At his wails, doctors come rushing in.  They try to bring you away from him so the doctor can talk to him, but he won’t let go of you.  His sobbing after a long while starts to go down.  His face is blotchy.  His eyes are puffy

     “Clyde?” you whisper to him.

     “I suppose this is it, y/n,” he sniffles, wiping the snot from his nose, his eyes returning to the bandages.

     “What do you mean ‘this is it?’” you wonder, running your hand up his left arm, gasping when he jerks away from your touch for the first time ever. You feel a pang of sadness rush through you. He’s never avoided your touch.

    “Us.  Our relationship,” he states, his voice gone quiet.

     “God, no, Clyde!” you yelp.  “Why would you ever think that?”

     “M’arm...  I’m not good enough for you now. More so than ever.   You took a chance on me when I had both and now I ain’t whole.  People’ll judge you for havin’ a guy like me in your life,” Clyde explains. He’s convinced himself that this is the end and you know he’s trying to control what he thinks is inevitable, but he’s wrong. He’s so, so wrong.  A tear trickles down your cheek as you shake your head.

     “Clyde Logan, I love you more than anything in the world.  Nothing is going to stop me from being with you.  I don’t care if you have all of your limbs or none of them.  I will always be here for you.  Do not doubt that for a second!” you cry.  “I’m staying right here.”

     “But things won’t be the same!  I can’t put you through that. Face it y/n, I’m damaged goods. You can’t want to be put through that!” he argues, but you cut him off as he starts to continue.

     “I don’t care about that!  All I want is to be with you.  I love you, and I’m glad to have you home.  I don’t care you’re missing a hand.  I won’t love you any less,” you cry, kissing his lips again, trying your hardest to prove to him what you’re saying is real.  

     “What are we gonna do?  Where am I gonna work?  How am I supposed to get dressed or do things around the house?” Clyde cries, starting to get worked up again. 

     “We’ll adapt.  We’ll figure it out and problem solve. I know we can.  We can make changes around the house.  It’ll take time, but we’re in this together Clyde.  You don’t have to do this all by yourself, I swear to you.”

     At your words, Clyde takes in a deep breath.  He looks down at his left arm, knowing he’ll miss having his hand, but he knows you’re right at the same time.   He can adapt and you’ll do it together.  Clyde takes a long exhale and leans in, kissing you on the lips and gives you a small smile and a nod in agreement.  Jimmy and Mellie burst through the doors rushing to Clyde’s bedside, the nurses shouting at them they can’t just barge in there. The doctor comes back into view and asks Clyde if he’s ready to move forward.  You look at Clyde, waiting for his answer and give him an encouraging look.

      “Yes.”

[fourangers]

Fate and Choices (ch. 02)

Summary: When Naruto discovered who was going to be his soulmate, he jumped straight at this opportunity, looking forward to spending the rest of his life with his better half. Sasuke well…he was less eager in this regard though. NaruSasu. Soulmates tattoos. M-rated.

Content: AU!Office, Romance, Comedy, Drama, it’ll get a little too philosophical in some parts talking about free will Vs fate, basically Sasuke is a cynic ass and Naruto is an idealistic moron (great amirite), Anal Sex, tattoos soulmates

Chapter 01 here

AO3 link

--.--

“Hey! Jackass!”

Sasuke stiffened, bracing himself from the incoming impact.

“Fucking bastard thought you were gonna get rid of me, ‘s not going to be that easy you know!”

Sasuke was rubbing his legs with a wince; good gracious, years have passed and this idiot continued to be the same loudmouth dumbass. He turned back to Neji. “Please fire him.”

Neji blinked. “It’s my company and I’m the one who hired him Sasuke.”

“I know, but I’m saying that you should fire for our sanity’s sake.”

“Wow, that’s so mean.” Naruto grumbled, widening a grin. “You haven’t changed one bit Sasuke. Plus, there’s no way Neji would fire me when I’m the best social media manager you ever met!”

Sasuke rolled his eyes then threw a significant glance towards Neji.

Neji shook his head. “Yes, sorry to say but Naruto is pretty good. He is one of the few I know that can build a good number of followers organically in a short time. I guess you’ll have to deal with it. Just use this opportunity for some catching up ok.” He patted Sasuke’s shoulder and stared at Naruto in deadpan. “Please don’t destroy the office.”

“C’mon Neji, you really think we’re gonna get back to fighting as if we’re twelve? Give me some credit will you.” Naruto’s grin became so wide that it reminded him of a cheshire’s cat.

“...right.” Neji looked around, and picked an antique vase on the way out.

Sasuke stared at Naruto and his winsome beam, then gazed at the door knob.

He turned around.

“Oh? Ignoring me and fleeing again? The coward's obvious choice.”

Turning back with a venomous glare, Sasuke approached Naruto. “Well, I suppose there’s no point delaying any longer. What do you want from me?”

The caustic tone dissolved Naruto’s grin into a frown, so he mumbled. “What the hell did I do wrong for you to act like an asshole around me?”

Sasuke inhaled, taking some seconds to recompose himself as he retorted. “You’re right, my attitude was wholly unneeded, but I can’t help it. I still need to know why on earth you decided to reappear in my life when I made pretty clear that I don’t want you around.”

“Good God, I can’t believe that you don’t want your soulmate after this many years⏤”

“Don’t go there.” Sasuke growled through gritted teeth.

“Ugh, fine.” Naruto rolled his eyes. “You know, after what we’ve been through, I thought that at least you would bother yourself to give me an explanation or at least keep some kind of contact.”

“I can’t believe you took seriously our summer fling.”

Naruto stared, and then quirked an eyebrow. “Three years is not a summer fling.”

“Whatever, but it happened while we were young and stupid, so it is a fling no matter how long it took.” Before Naruto could protest, Sasuke interjected in. “Everything was going fine in my life back when you left me alone in peace, so why did you decide out of nowhere to get back in bothering me again?”

Naruto curled down his mouth, examining Sasuke’s indecipherable face as graphite eyes focused glowering at the ground. He knew that Sasuke wasn’t going to be cheerfully welcoming his return though he expected at least some positive reaction.

Scratching his blond head, Naruto sighed. “Sasuke, back when your parents divorced” He could see Sasuke tensing on the corner of his eye but he continued nevertheless. “I really wished you could rely on me to share your feelings about it but you just decided to throw me out of your life. But I respected that this was your way of coping and later I also get why you did that⏤”

“If you got it, why are you here now?”

Naruto blinked and declared with strong assurance. “Because I’m your soulmate.”

“We only have matching tattoos dumbass, nothing else.”

“Only matchin⏤” Naruto groaned. “Oh c’mon, gimme your hand in case you forgot about it.”

“No.” Sasuke held his hand closer to his chest, dodging away from Naruto’s grasp.

“You stubborn bastard⏤”

“Dumbass, get the fuck away⏤” The young men wrestled in the conference room, stumbling through chairs and knocking down assorted papers and pens.

“Sasuke, goddammit, just for a few seconds, I swear!” Naruto yowled, arms stretched out in a vain attempt to reach Sasuke’s hand.

Sighing, Sasuke lowered his arm. “I’ll humor you for once, I guess.” He raised his palm, showing his moon tattoo.

Naruto broadened a victorious smile, interlacing his tanned fingers with pale ones. When their tattoos touched, a warm ball of light grew till it lit up the whole room, but Sasuke dropped his hand, cutting off its connection.

"You felt that right, once again. That wave of happiness, the comfort, contentment. We complete each other.” Breathing heavily, remnants of those emotions overwhelmed him, soulful blue eyes attempted to reach his soulmate.

Sasuke averted his gaze, crafting a blank expression and shrugged. “I disagree with this. Those feelings are probably some kind of animalistic instinct to preserve our species and I’m beyond all that. Why do people keep claiming that they need to find their other half? I’m already one whole person, I’m against the notion that you need someone else to feel complete.”

Raising his eyebrows impressed, Naruto hummed pensive, conceding. "Alright…that's a very fair point. But no matter how complete you are, you need relationships to sustain yourself. Family, coworkers, friends…we're humans that need other people all the time. And isn't it great that nature gave us this tool to find the best companion that will share his lifetime with you?"

"This system is flawed and imperfect Naruto. You know it as well as I do." Sasuke retorted. "And I'd rather not waste my life blindly relying over something that might fail in the long run."

“You're selling a technology that lets people find their own soulmate.” Naruto muttered incredulously.

“I sell the tool, not the satisfaction nor its promise for happiness." Sasuke offered with a prim sniff, chin raised. "And whatever might be my business, it has nothing to do with my personal opinion, in which is that I'm fine not needing a soulmate."

"Why? I thought we were in agreement back then!"

"Which goes back to the talk that we were just young and naive, that's all. I changed my mind."

“Honestly, why are you going so against it, it’s like one of those obvious laws of nature. It’s inevitable, like…" Naruto paused for a second, trying to come up with valid examples. "Like gravity, physics, and everything like…babies would always cry…um…dogs are angels and cats are evil…”

“How dare you, you take back that last sentence right fucking now.” Sasuke growled.

“Alright, maybe cats are also nice, I’ll let you adopt one when we live together!”

“No, thank you. And for every supposed law of nature, it’s never entirely universal. You can use aerodynamics to fly above gravity, cats can save kids and dogs can bite⏤”

“And babies crying?” Naruto chimed in.

“...tiny baby lizards don’t cry.” Sasuke regretted it the instant he uttered these words, he knew that his IQ would just drop if he’d spend one minute more with this dumbass, Naruto is just this infectious. "That doesn't matter. I thought I came here so I could talk about work, not engaging in those childish conversations that go nowhere."

"...so." Naruto smacked his lips and grinned. "I am your social media manager then."

Sasuke stared and narrowed his eyes. "My company's social media."

"Yeah yeah yeah, whatever. You have my phone number and Line? It's⏤"

“I know your number, I just have to unblock you.”

Sasuke half-expected Naruto bristling in indignation when he got the confirmation that he was indeed, blocking him out over those years. A crestfallen despair flashed through Naruto’s eyes, before blossoming to a warm smile.

“I’m just glad we’re talking again, that’s all that matters.”

Sasuke wanted to tell him that it’s only work related. That it won’t change his mind and once the contract would be over, they would part their respective ways. Caustic, sharp words had to be uttered so he could end this nonsense at last, but somehow it died on his throat when his whole soul ached to reach Naruto’s face and kiss the pained frown away.

Thankfully, a knock from the door broke their stupor, and Naruto opened to meet Neji and some of Sasuke’s coworkers.

“Well, it seems that their meeting is over. Anyways, Hoozuki-sama, Yamato-sama, Uzumaki Naruto-san here will be in charge of Shinrei’s whole social media account, as well as strategy and planning.”

Naruto and Sasuke’s coworkers shook hands and exchanged name cards, bowing politely as they began the meeting. Suigetsu quirked his eyebrow, noticing how Sasuke always averted his gaze whenever he talked with Uzumaki-san, even though the blond man stared as if Sasuke was the only man in the whole room.

Those were intense, covetous azure eyes that somehow weren't much tainted with lust. Curiosity piqued, Suigetsu dragged his friend to the side while Naruto was talking with the other coworker.

“So…from all the interactions I witnessed, it seems that you and that blondie have some history together right. What happened?”

Sasuke glared. “Nothing.”

“Oh c’mon, just tell me! It’s the first time I ever saw you being so nervous around a guy, whatever happened has to be something big.”

Sasuke sighed, shutting his eyes. He uttered in the most bored tone he could muster. “Naruto is my soulmate.”

Suigetsu blinked. “…huh?”

“My soulmate.” Sasuke repeated. “He’s my soulmate.”

“WHAT?!” Suigetsu shouted, switching his gaze back and forth towards Sasuke and Naruto. “You lucky dog, you found your soulmate this easily?! And he’s hot too!”

“He is?” Sasuke furrowed his eyebrows, then turned around for a quick check. No, that’s the usual dumbass, stupid grin Naruto, there’s nothing new about that.

“God, the fact that you don’t want a soulmate makes even less sense now! I want a hottie like him riding me till tomorrow for the rest of my life.” Suigetsu noticed the black eyebrow twitching in annoyance and curled a saucy grin. “I better get first in line if he’s interested.”

“Whatever suits you best.” Sasuke grumbled, as they all moved back to the entrance, as the meeting was over.

Someone poked his shoulder. “Hey hey. Sasuke.” He turned his face, glare activated but halted at once when he felt moist lips touching his skin. “Have a nice day.” Naruto beamed.

He furiously rubbed his cheek with his hand, growling. “I’m going to kill you.”

“So testy, I just gave you one innocent peck on your cheek.” Laughing, Naruto patted his back while he returned to the office.

Neji observed the grin that stretched from ear to ear and muttered. “Oh dear me. It’s been a while since I saw you smiling this much.”

“Well, duh. Obviously.”

“Hm. You’re satisfied with the arrangement then?”

“Yeah! Thanks for everything Neji.”

“Likewise. I hope whatever conclusion you two will reach, it’ll be satisfactory to you both.” Pearly eyes peered in earnest intensity, so Naruto offered a half-grin back. “But I would like to remind you that Sasuke is our client, right.”

“Yeah, don’t worry about it.” Naruto appeased him.

“Don’t go too far.”

“I won’t!”

“Please don’t annoy Sasuke too much, okay.”

There was a long silence and then. “Uh. Sure!”

Is it too late to change his own mind; Neji wondered with a sigh.

⏤.⏤

Six hundred, forty three. That’s the number of times Sasuke had to suppress the urge to throw Suigetsu out of the car, whenever his friend nagged wanting to know more details about Naruto.

He hoped once he arrived in his office, all this nonsense would be over so he could concentrate on his work. Promising gruesome bloody murder if Suigetsu ever dared to gossip about his love life, he strode to Itachi’s room.

“Nii-san.”

“Oh, welcome back otouto-kun. How was the meeting? How is Neji-kun?” Itachi acknowledged him with a quick nod, eyes still focused on the laptop.

“Neji is fine, his marketing plan is really well planned and he is just going to make us cover the basic costs, nothing else.” Sasuke paced around, and said. “Nii-san, you won’t believe who is going to take care of our social media.”

“Oh, Neji told me. I’ve heard that he’s a really bright, young man…” Itachi raised his eyes to meet with Sasuke’s, a knowing beam broadening his lips. “Blond, blue eyes, who has an exquisite sun tattoo that fits with your moon tattoo pretty perfectly…”

“What the f⏤!” Sasuke tamped down the urge to scream, throwing his hands to the air. “I can’t believe you all! You, Neji and Naruto all planned this?! I can’t believe that you would betray me. You’re my brother!”

“And as your older brother, I agreed with Neji-kun that you avoiding Naruto-kun is damaging you in the long run, but considering your stubbornness I thought that it’d be better if I nudged a little in the right direction.”

“Unbelievable. I thought that you, of all people, understood me the best considering the experience we suffered with mother and father.”

Sighing, Itachi stilled in commiseration, picking his tea cup. He sipped the warm beverage, murmuring. “I considered these memories for a long time, but I concluded that I shouldn’t let them deter my life. It’s specifically because of them that I’m determined to find the perfect companionship with my soulmate.”

Sasuke scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Yeah, big words from someone who didn’t bother himself to find his own soulmate. You know really well that he or she lives in the Netherlands but you kept delaying buying the plane ticket.”

“…I have…other priorities for now.”  Itachi argued with a clipped tone.

“No, you just share the same trauma as I do but since it’s not your problem, you thought you could manipulate however you liked about my own life. It is your loss though, because even if our parents’ divorce may had influenced my opinion about Soulmates, I have valid reasons to reject it.” Sasuke declared, tightening his hands into a fist. “I’ll do this damn job with Naruto just to prove you, and then we’ll go on our own goddamn different paths. Just you wait.”

“…” Itachi studied his younger brother’s agitated state, eyebrows knitted, resolute.

Honestly, Sasuke had already grown old enough to be in any need of his guidance, but above all, he wasn’t really accepting any of it even if Itachi tried to drill any word in his hard-headed mind. From now on he guessed he’d leave it up to Naruto, and he hoped the young man would have enough patience handling his younger brother.

⏤.⏤

Naruto was being…strange. At first, Sasuke expected that the dumbass would use the opportunity that he unblocked his contact to flirt with him, or engage inane conversation or send dick pics. The blond man was oddly very considerate nevertheless, using their chats for strict professional subjects, not one thing out of line.

On the other hand, they had a lot of physical meetings. At first it was only once per week, not arousing his suspicion as Sasuke considered that Naruto probably had a lot of questions that it’d be better clarified with these kinds of meetings. The following week they had twice per week and then thrice. Also, whatever professional courtesy Naruto had respected in chats, was thrown out of the window when he saw Sasuke, trying to start off-topic conversations, sitting really close to him and generally being a pain in the ass.

(Sasuke didn’t want to admit that he was enjoying those meetings)

When Naruto called, ready to schedule another meeting, Sasuke rebutted. “A meeting? Online meeting, you meant.”

“Oh no, like a meeting, meeting. As in, me going to your office or you going to mine and…”

“For someone who only uses online tools for your everyday work, you oddly prefer a face to face meeting for no particular reason.”

“What can I say, I’m a people’s person after all.” Naruto chuckled. “Well, if you’re too busy we can reschedule if you want.”

Sasuke narrowed his eyes. This really felt like some sort of measured chess game, when one man was carefully choosing which pieces to sacrifice or to keep it alive. He expected that since Naruto was so impatient he’d prefer a direct approach instead of slowly luring him in.

“Then again, I haven’t seen him for over seven years, who knows how much he had changed since then.”

⏤.⏤  

UGH.

This is so fucking hard.

What Naruto really wanted was to drag Sasuke to some secluded room and have his way until they were both satisfied. But nope, that stupid ass bastard is just too stubborn and suspicious of everything that if he did any sudden move, Naruto was afraid that Sasuke would disappear to some far away country, like Canada or Argentina or something like that.

Was he asking for too much in wanting to have his soulmate back? Was he? He just wanted life to be easier for once. Stupid Sasuke. Why. Uuuuugh. Now Sasuke was already getting suspicious that they were having way too many meetings and Naruto wanted at least some compensation for using all his remaining patience to let Sasuke dictate this fucking slower than slug pace.

He heard the familiar ping, unlocking his phone.

Sorry, just finished a meeting now. I’m going to arrive 15 minutes late.

Oooooh?

Grinning, Naruto noticed Sasuke typing some response but he was quicker.

Uchiha-sama is going to be late? My eyes didn’t deceive me just now, did I really read that?

Moron.

Naruto laughed, thankful that his typing speed was faster than Sasuke’s. I mean, Uchiha Sasuke-sama is actually going to be late for the first time in his life. Wow, it’s going to rain knives today.

It’s not my fault dumbass, the sponsor I was talking with wanted more details about my software. And he’s an old man it was difficult to explain in layman terms.

Ah, yeah…sounds tough. Don’t worry about it, I can wait while I’m working. Thanks for the heads up.

Sasuke snorted, relaxing his shoulders on the taxi seat while he stared at the buildings passing by. Opening a new company was so hard, so many people to visit, so many potential sponsors and clients to sell your product. There were also many annoying obligations to register your company and documentation to smooth things through too. His father gave enough initial investments to help them open the business but aside that, they were really green, unsure what steps to proceed in a shrewd market.

Thanks to Naruto’s strategies their brand is getting recognition between specialists for now, some well-known influencers tested their technology, aiding him to show tangible successes in the effort to convince people. But although they were impressed, few signed the deed, not wanting to risk their precious capital over an infant company.

Exhaling a tired breath, he went to the conference room after he greeted Neji. The moment he opened the door, he immediately picked the nice fragrance of fresh cooked rice.

“Hey. I’m just gonna finish retouching some reports and we’ll start the meeting right away.” Naruto said.

In front of him laid a neat porcelain plate with three onigiris, then a tomato salad inside a plastic package and even Caramel dark chocolate from a fancy brand.

“Oh yeah, feel free to dig in, I bought this for you.”

At this admission his stomach growled and Sasuke licked his lips. “How did you know I was hungry?” Sharp graphite eyes narrowed.

“Well…if I’m not mistaken, you usually eat around 12:30 or something right? Unless you changed your habit, I mean. But it’s already 1 pm, and you didn’t mention stopping a little to eat lunch, so I thought it would be best if I bought something for you.”

…Naruto still remembered all his favorite foods. Warm beats expanded in his chest and Sasuke forcibly tamped it down. This is just residual instinct caused by this soulmating system, it had nothing to do with his feelings. He savored each bite in silence while Naruto gave the monthly report.

Hmph. Dumbass.

--.--

Chapter 03

[arolla-pine]

The news

A little earthquake in our family started suddenly without any warning. Unintentionally I was the first person to hear about it. To be honest… it was sneaky of me. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop! My mum always told me that eavesdropping was not allowed and an eavesdropper would always be punished somehow. Now I knew she was right – I learnt my lesson…

I’d say that spring of 2015 was a tough time for my family. I’d just finished my final exams in junior high school and my oldest sister, Katie, was preparing for her high school finals. Luckily our parents decided many years ago that my younger sister, Jade, would start school later with a younger class. Otherwise she would also be having her primary school final exams. And that would just be the end of the world!

Three finals at the same time in one family? Way too much!

My exams were nothing new for my parents. They had already experienced Katie’s exams three years ago and my brother, Luke’s, exams last year. But the high school finals was something new. I wasn’t sure who was more worried – Katie or our parents!

One Friday evening at the end of April, I was just passing by the bedroom I shared with my sisters when I heard my mother’s worried voice…

“What to tell the kids?”

I froze.

I knew I shouldn’t be eavesdropping on my parents, but suddenly I felt with all my heart that something very important had just happened. It wasn’t the first time I’d had such an overwhelming feeling that something BIG was happening around me. I called it a hunch with capital “H” – so strong and important it was to me.

I stopped breathing and leaned against the wall.

“Everything will be fine, Alice…” my dad whispered, and I could imagine his arm around my mum.

“But… this will change everything!”

I didn’t know what to think! Mum was always confident and brave. She always knew what to do or say. So was something awful going to happen if she was so worried?

“We’ll be OK, I promise… I’m always by your side, remember?” my dad said, and I almost heard a smile in his voice.

There was silence for a moment, and I was about to leave when mum spoke again…

“Let’s not tell them anything just yet… Katie is studying for her finals… Why should we worry her even more? And Ellie…”

“Katie is stronger than you think, Alice…” my dad replied. “And Ellie has just finished her exams. Besides, it would be better if we started looking for good schools for our kids as soon as possible. And we need to find a new home so you don’t have to travel.”

What did he mean by saying ‘a new home’? Where was mum going to travel to? Was she… was she sick? Were we moving to Krakow or something? To be closer to hospital? I felt my heart miss a beat for a moment in fear.

Then suddenly I felt the opposite thing – my strange Hunch with capital ‘H’. The Hunch that gave me hope, not despair. As if it wanted to calm my fears and anxieties. As if it wanted to tell me that everything was fine with my mum…

I was a little surprised. I’d had maybe ten Hunches so far in my life. Now… I had felt it twice within minutes!

For one moment I wanted to go in to confess that I’d been eavesdropping and ask my mum if everything was OK. But at the same time I felt something inside that made me stay undercover. I went silently back to my room.

“Something’s happened?”, Katie asked me quietly when she saw me.

She was lying in her bed surrounded by piles of books and notes trying to revise as much as possible. Jade was dead to the world sleeping sprawled on the bottom bunk.

“Nope. Why?”

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“It’s midnight, so you never know…”, I muttered, trying to hide my confusion.

“Mmm…”, Katie murmured and focused on her notes again.

I knew she was feeling that tension in the air as well. Maybe she had the Hunches like me. I decided to ask her about it one day.

I climbed up to my bunk determined to fall asleep as fast as possible. But that mysterious conversation of my parents was still ringing in my head and didn’t want to leave me alone. I couldn’t find any logical explanation of my mum’s worries other than her illness. A serious one that needed a move closer to hospital…

“What’s up, sis?”, I heard Katie whisper in my ear.

I looked left. My sister was standing by my top bunk and looking up, concerned. Usually, in tough times, she called me ‘sis’ or ‘girl’. ‘Girl’ was used when I overthought things, but ‘sis’ was saved for Something Big.

We looked at each other for a while.

“I heard our parents talking…”, I admitted finally.

“What did mum tell you about eavesdropping?”, Katie smiled.

“That it’s not allowed. And eavesdroppers are always punished.”

“Exactly”, she nodded, “So what’s keeping you awake?”

“The move. Because of mum. Is she sick?”, I asked before I realised what I was saying.

“I haven’t heard…”, Katie answered quickly, frowning a little. “I’m sure there’s a rational explanation”, she added.

“But mum said everything will change! And she doesn’t know what to tell us!”

“Maybe she’s got a new job? Or maybe the university is going to send her somewhere?”

“You think so?”

I was surprised by another Hunch in my heart. Or maybe it was just hope…

“We’ll see tomorrow. Now sleep! And don’t eavesdrop next time!”

“And don’t you stay awake too long.” I answered back. “It won’t help your exams…”

“Thaaanks…” she smirked. “Someone had to tell me that…”

“I’m sure you’ve already learnt that stuff.”

“Thanks, girl. Now sleep! I’m doing the 1920’s and then I’ll be asleep too.”

“Night.”

“Night, night…”

Talking with Katie always helped me calm down. I felt relief every time I shared my fears with my sister. That night I fell asleep quickly even though minutes before I’d been worrying about mum so much.

But it all came back to me in the morning. It was Saturday so I could lie in for a while and read, but the anxiety and a knot in my stomach reminded me what had happened last night. I wasn’t sure if I was more worried by my mum’s secret or by the inevitability of the confession that I’d eavesdropped…

I glanced at my sisters. Jade was still sleeping and looked like one big mess with hands and legs everywhere. Katie looked like an Egyptian mummy. Weird that we all had mixtures of the same genes! I was wondering how I looked during sleep. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was something in between.

I decided to get up as quietly as possible. I headed to the kitchen because everyone knew that tea was the best cure for sorrows. Always.

Entering the kitchen I froze… seeing my mum sitting at the table with a cup of coffee and a book. She looked up over her reading glasses.

“Couldn’t sleep?”, she asked me with a smile.

Oh, my mum had such a beautiful smile that warmed your heart! All your sorrows went away when she smiled.

“Yeah…”, I muttered, looking away. “You couldn’t sleep either?”

“I always get up so early, honey…”, mum smiled again. “My time for coffee and reading…”

I felt like an intruder. I’d interrupted her! That was terrible!

“What do you want for breakfast?”, she asked me standing up.

“Sit down please, mum…”, I protested instantly, feeling a wave of remorse in my heart. “I can do it.”

“I’m sure you can…”, mum replied and went back to her book.

Now I had no choice – I had to make my own breakfast to save mum the trouble. I tried to be as quiet as possible not to interrupt her any more, but she stopped reading anyway and was watching me. I felt her eyes on my back.

“What’s up?”, she asked finally.

“Where?” I glanced at her.

“Something’s bothering you…”

Suddenly the thought of how Katie was like our mum came to me. And I felt a hint of jealousy. I wish I was like my mum too.

I sat down at the table. My mum put her book down, and with her coffee cupped in her hands she looked at me, waiting. For a moment, it was like an interrogation even though my mum didn’t say a word. She was just waiting for me to talk. And, before I realised what I was saying, I blurted out:

“Why do we have to move house?”

Embarrassment flashed in my mum’s eyes. It was like I’d caught her red-handed.

“How…?” she began but stopped suddenly.

“I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, mum! I promise!”, I assured her. “I heard it by accident! I know I should have told you right away but I felt so confused. And I knew you’d be angry! But I don’t know what to think about all this. Are you ill?”

Everything came out at once before I could stop it. In the middle of my little speech, my mum smiled and reached out. She stroked my tensed hand.

“Everything is fine, darling. I’m feeling OK, don’t worry!”

“S-so… wh-why?”, I stuttered.

“I’ve been trying to get a grant for my research project. Finally, after many years, the university has approved it!”, she exclaimed with sparkling eyes like a little girl on Christmas Eve.

“That’s great, mum!”, I replied, sharing her excitement. Then, a moment later, I was not so sure… “Right?”

“Of course, it’s wonderful! But… You know… The castle is quite far away – more than a hundred kilometres. I won’t be able to travel every day to work. I’ll have to find a place there. That means I’ll have to leave you…”

“But we can all go together!” I suggested immediately.

“Won’t you miss your friends?”

“I’m sure we’ll find a way to keep in touch, mum. You just can’t… You can’t leave us!”

“I don’t have to take the project, you know…”

“The one you’ve been fighting for? For years?”, I asked doubtfully, “We’re all behind you, don’t forget it!”

“You talk like your father!”, mum laughed.

And there it was! I was like DAD! But I wanted to be like MUM! I had to look disappointed because mum stopped laughing and asked:

“Is it bad?”

“What?”

“That you talk like your dad.”

“Well… I don’t know…”, I shrugged.

“Your dad is the most sensible person I’ve ever known.”, mum said, standing up and coming to me. She put her hand on my shoulder and looked in my eyes. “He’s been my support for many, many years. Thanks to him I can follow my dreams. It’s good to be such a person, you know? And I’m glad you’re like him… Now, eat your breakfast. It will be a busy day…”

I smiled. I felt better and went back to eating. And somewhere deep down I felt the Hunch that a new chapter was about to start. One that could bring big changes to our family life…

[theblindreader25]

Connection and the Meaning of Life

                                  Connection and The Meaning Of Life

This pandemic has helped bring a new perspective on how people live their lives, as some have realized that they shouldn’t be as selfish as they currently are or realize that they are being too giving and need to work on themselves. Whatever the new perspective may be, people are finding new meanings for themselves during these dark times. However, in the novel The Plague by Albert Camus one central theme is how there is no inherent meaning in life, as there is no rhyme or reason as to why things occur and why humans are so small compared to the entirety of the universe. In the novel, Camus adds the fact that when this pandemic is over, there will always be another disaster waiting behind the scenes to harm the populace. Camus called this idea, The Absurd. He recognized that people do not understand how meaningless and lonely their lives truly are and that they will die. Camus also knows that the absurd is always meant to be revolted against as it gives people an opportunity to make their own meaning in life and connect with one another. In this essay, I argue this concept of the absurd and the revolt against it can be used to gain a new perspective on this current pandemic, as it will help us realize that having a connection with each other and manifesting our own meaning is what is most important in our lifetime.

   In the novel, there is one character that truly understands the idea of the absurd and that is Dr. Rieux. He works tirelessly to help patients recover from a plague and administers the vaccine to sick patients in the fictional city of Oran. And once the populace starts to become healthy again and overcomes the plague, people start dancing and celebrating in the streets. While Rieux knows this celebration is useless because disaster is never too far away from anyone, he acknowledges its benefit, stating that the  “... people were ‘just the same as ever,’ ... this was at once their strength and their innocence, and it was on this level, beyond all grief, that Rieux could feel himself at one with them,"(pg. 308).  Rieux knows that this plague isn’t the last of the tragedies that will hit Oran, and there will always be another danger laying dormant, waiting to strike. He feels a connection to the crowd celebrating, because they all suffered through the same hellish experience and came out the other end alive. This connection helps Rieux cope with the many difficult hardships he went through, as it reminds him that he isn’t alone in his fight. This can be seen as a revolt to the absurd because it gives life the meaning it is meant to have. As in, revolting is necessary because it gives insight and clarity to one’s life and helps them to see what they deem valuable in their lives. For Rieux specifically, even if he knows that there will always be another plague to devastate Oran, where people will inevitably die, this fact does not stop him from helping and serving those in need. He will still fight for the sick as he recognizes that it is important to him that people recover and survive. He shares this connection of the possibility of death with the people of Oran as they faced the plague, and it is this connection that drives him and nurtures him by having empathy for his fellow citizens and assures him that others share his pain. This celebration is a form of connection that helps bring people together after an horrific event and brings solace to those that suffered the most. The absurd can be ruthless and brutal but with the connection that people share, it can be fought against. 

The lesson of the absurd is taught to us through the pandemic; going through this experience teaches us what is truly crucial in our lives and informs us of the type of life we want to live. Before, people may have been so focused on getting the newest phone or the fastest car that they didn’t stop to think about whether or not it is worth it at the end of the day. However, this pandemic causes a massive shift in everyone’s lives, people can use this lesson of the absurd to help them realize what is most important in their lives. One critical aspect to realize is that the absurd can give people an opportunity to make what they want with their lives. They could change up their lives to live it as they always wanted to, by pursuing that career they felt passionate about or asking out that special someone. Since there is no reason behind people’s existence, no grand master plan, people can make their own human meanings of their own lives.  Accepting the absurd and revolting against it helps us establish another realization, the value of human connection. Our mortality is what connects us all to each other, so it is crucial that people connect during these times as things can turn for the worst incredibly fast. The absurd is unforgiving and can destroy everything and everyone one might love. So it is imperative that we connect with each other to cherish the moments that we have together right now, as it will not be permanent forever. That connection of our mortality is one of the purest forms of human contact, as it can never be corrupted in any type of way. And this connection outlook can help those who feel alone or are in pain during the current pandemic.  In addition, revolting against the absurd is immensely important as succumbing to it would only make one live in absolute despair. The reason why the absurd exists is to be matched by the human fighting spirit, to make sure one’s life isn’t meaningless to them and those they love. One major way to revolt is to celebrate the mundanity of human connection such as calling one’s mother or checking up on friends. When it comes to the mundane, people tend to expect it and can become annoyed by it. That one call from mom every weekend trying to ask how the week went, or that friend that keeps texting the groupchat asking everyone if they want to hang out anytime soon. Although it might seem irritating now, it must be celebrated as it is one disaster from being completely destroyed. However, there are those who disagree with Camus by saying that life can have meaning without the use of the absurd. They argue that people can find their own way to live their lives without accepting that their lives are “meaningless” and all horrific catastrophes happen with no reason. While they do have a point that people can find their own meaning, it may lead to a false sense of meaning in life driven by greed or hunger or lust etc. The absurd can reveal the true meaning in someone’s life may be by showing that it can all be taken away in an instant. Yet with the true meaning, it is harder to take away because it isn’t driven by anything unlike the false meaning that some people might find without the absurd. This viewpoint of the absurd and the revolt against it will bring a better perspective to what people hold value and help them revaultate what is actually important to them.  

The absurd can catch many people by surprise. As it may seem like a pessimistic view on life hearing that their lives are worthless, and that all catastrophes have no true reason behind it sounds depressing and harsh. Yet this perspective gives people a chance to connect with one another and pushes them to realize what they really want in their lives. Therefore, there are wider implications to the absurd and rebellion of it as people can use this viewpoint outside this pandemic. There will always be more devastation waiting in everybody’s lives, so there isn’t use worrying about every single inconvenience. Once people can accept that they will die and realize that their lives are quite meaningless, they can live to the fullest they are capable of. Through the lens of the absurd, connection with one another and making their own meaning of life is what is important as these are the only pure things that can last one’s entire lifetime. It does not matter what connection it may be as long as it matters to those people in particular. Dr.Rieux felt this connection with the crowds of Oran as they were celebrating. One can find this connection and their own meaning if they accept the absurd and revolt against it. 

[ikkaku-of-heart]

Blue October - What If We Could

Ikkaku ran through the streets and back alleys, panting and grinning widely as shouts for her to halt in the name of Justice or whatever echoed around her. She wasn’t really paying attention - she was far more focused on getting to the docks where she knew the Polar Tang was about to set sail. Really, she should have been more concerned about it leaving her behind, but she couldn’t help but feel giddy and amused. So that was X Drake, Law’s Marine nemesis, huh?

It had been an accidental meeting. Law had been planning to leave for the next island, but Ikkaku had discovered that she needed a new spanner. Her captain had been annoyed that she hadn’t realized it sooner, but she’d assured him it wouldn’t take her more than an hour to grab one from a hardware store. So he’d informed her that she had exactly one hour, no more, to get back, otherwise she’d be swimming to the next island.

She wasn’t entirely sure if he was joking or not, so she’d dashed to the shop, practically stumbling over herself in her attempt to get the tool she needed. However, the clerk, likely seeing the rush she was in, decided to charge an exorbitant price for it.

“There’s no way this is worth even half that much!” she argued, cheeks red with exertion and anger. Oooo, she knew he was trying to cheat her, but she didn’t have time to argue!

Just as she was about to pull out her wallet, cursing the shopkeeper in a way that would make her Gramps proud, heavy footsteps sounded behind her, followed by a stern voice. “Funny, you charged my shipwright only a third of that ten minutes ago. Unless we got a heavy Navy discount, I think you should charge the lady the proper amount.”

Ikkaku glanced up, immediately on edge. Crap. She hadn’t expected to run into any Marines during her shopping. No wonder Law was in such a rush. And this one looked to be high-ranking. At least captain if the coat was anything to go by.

Then she saw the scar on his chin and realized that this was actually Commodore X Drake. Since joining the Hearts she’d heard a few things about the man, but she hadn’t expected to meet him face-to-face off of the battlefield. Did he know who she was? Sure, she was wearing the trademark boiler suit, but her long hair covered the jolly roger on her back, and she didn’t think it was widely known yet that Law now had a female crewmate.

Still, it was better to get out of there while she could. “Hey, it’s no trouble—” she started, but Drake gave her a meaningful look.

“Miss, this man is trying to extort you. Something that’s blatantly against the law. How can I be expected to allow such a thing to happen right in front of me?” he asked, tone leaving no room for argument. He turned back to the clerk, frowning. “Charge her what you charged my men, or I’ll have no choice but to arrest you.”

Backed into a corner, the shopkeeper reluctantly accepted the much smaller amount for the tool, and though Ikkaku was still a bit leery, she gave him a grateful smile. He may have been a Marine, but he’d done her a solid, and she figured that deserved some basic manners in return.

“Thanks. You’re a life saver!”

He’d nodded politely, even smiled a bit, before turning away, only to pause and turn back, eyes locked on the jolly roger plastered on her left breast pocket.

“My eyes are up here, honey,” she quipped, a little smirk curling her lips at the blush that painted his face when he realized he’d been inadvertently staring somewhere quite inappropriate. Wow. Law wasn’t kidding about the shyness, she thought with a chuckle. It was kind of endearing, really.

“I—sorry—wait. You’re a Heart Pirate!” he stammered.

Instead of answering, Ikkaku ran out the door, pushing over a display of tools to slow him down when he inevitably pursued her.

At least running from the authorities had pushed her to get to the docks in time. Especially since she saw the Tang pulling out of the harbor. Before she could despair at being left behind, a blue bubble surrounded her, teleporting her onto the deck beside her captain.

“Thanks,” she gasped, gripping Law’s sleeve as she regained her breath. Her heart was pounding, but it was good to see that he’d never really planned on leaving her behind. It had likely been intended as a sadistic prank.

Turning around, Ikkaku spied the commodore standing at the end of the dock, red-faced and glaring at the submarine and pirates that were out of his reach.

“I’m glad to say that we’ve met, but I’m sad to say that the circumstances weren’t on our side!” she called out to him, grinning cheekily as she waved farewell with her new spanner. “Maybe I’ll make it up to you next time!”

[all-thingsstrange]

People are puppets held together with string There's a beautiful sadness that runs through him

I watch him, while he works. Every movement is mechanical, puppeteered by his determination, his doubt, his fear, all together, flowing into and through each other, as the three of us do. The other is just as silent as myself, but he is biding his time. Waiting, as we all are, for the coming end.  

I mourn him, while he works. Each of his feelings melds into a grief - for those he has lost, for those the other has taken, and, finally, for himself. He is not gone yet, but he will be, soon. We all shall be.

As he asked me to pray to the god he doesn't believe in

Perhaps, once, he was a religious young man, or perhaps that was just his father’s influence. Yet now, when his thoughts turn inwardly to me, he wants to pray. He desires it almost as much as he desires rest, desires an end. Yet he does not pray. I do, of course, and perhaps in some aspects we are the same, but the prayer is not the same. It rings hollow, without his faith, and I grieve that, too.

Time and again, boys are raised to be men Impatient they start, fearful they end

He’d been so eager to become more than himself when he started, a we rather than an I, that he did not expect the consequences. He has everything he set out to find - and it has left him a shell of himself, despite the more that he has found along the way. He lost everyone, including himself, and now, he feels, he may as well finish it entirely.

But here was a man mourning tomorrow He drank, but finally drowned in his sorrow

The coward’s way out, they call it. He tells himself it is fitting, that he is a coward, and this is right. He fled the war, he fled his family, his friends, betrayed and abandoned them. He may as well flee himself - and flee her. She cannot touch him with her silk gloves if we are gone. She doesn’t know we are in here, hung over the sink, staring into a strange tincture that blends all the research together. He prays - no, he does not pray, because he does not find praying worth the time with what he is about to do. The sin he is about to commit is unforgivable, he assures himself, for there will be no time for repentance. Not that he has repented before.

He raises the strange, bubbling serum to our lips, too much, far more than ever before, and drinks it in its entirety.

Oh, he could not break surface tension He looked in the wrong place for redemption

The pain that rocks us calls her in. The other and I both struggle against it alongside him, but when it is over, he is all that is left, racked in pain, weak, broken. The softness of silk runs over our skin, and he is powerless toe stop it. He failed, and he knows it.

But in failure, he makes his last discovery, even as she takes him against his will.

Don't look at me with those eyes

Years later I will stare at another young woman, my gaze uncannily like hers, as she demands him back. She will be so desperate, and she, too, has grieved him. I can do nothing but stare back.

I tried to unheave the ties Turn back the time that drew him

No. That isn’t true. I can tell her. I will tell her that I did as much as I could, but I have no power over him, not like the other, at least. I tried. I dabbled in his dark arts, I mixed his chemicals, for months after he was gone, not my first sin against his free will, but certainly my gravest.

I still feel him, I still sense him, but it has been too long, now, years later. Perhaps I am capable of sin - the worst sin, the inevitable sin of despair.

But he couldn't be saved

That was his sin. He despaired of himself, fled from her, fled to us, afraid and broken. And I was helpless to stop his end.

No, he couldn’t be saved

She may try. And, perhaps, if I truly still sense him, perhaps she may succeed. But I am resigned to the role of our penitent, of sacrificing my joy for his soul.

A sadness runs through him

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