#who i think didn't know how to handle feelings of jealousy or envy

[not-poignant]

jesus Pia that sounds fucking rough.. I've been following you and reading your stories from 2015, and I never knew about this. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Sending you all the best <3

I didn't speak about it openly at the time because I had a policy of not shit-talking on my Tumblr, and I knew at the time if I mentioned what was happening specifically re: the self-harm photos, everyone would know who I was talking about, and I worried it might create backlash for this person. And while I felt manipulated and abused by her, I was genuinely worried for her mental health, and I didn't want her getting hate from people who saw what was happening to me. (Because like, I did carry some influence in that fandom, and that would have been fucking terrible).

The person who sent me most of the hate messages actually emailed me to apologise months later, which was bizarre, but... it didn't surprise me to know she was good friends with this other person. Because she always sent them under anon, I had no idea who she was until she apologised.

But yeah the reason a lot of people don't know is because I just...was only talking about it behind closed doors to cope, and trying to keep it away from anywhere other people could see it. I wasn't always successful, and I think I did mention I was having a tough time because of some of the people in the fandom, but that was the extent of what I tried to say.

Now that a lot of time has gone by, no one really knows who that person is anymore (though I think a very few people who were super active in the tags at the time might have some suspicions), and so I don't have to worry about her getting any hate, and she's a lot harder to identify. I don't even know if she's on Tumblr anymore.

I have a general policy of keeping that stuff off my blog, so I turned off anon sometimes, and I deleted (and tried to block) a lot of anon messages, I responded to very few. I have a general 'delete anything that I can't turn into something useful' policy. Sometimes messages from antis I can turn into a teaching/education moment, but if it's just repeated 'KYS' messages, there's nothing for that except the bin.

I do have a lot of screenshotted receipts though, lol. I got in the habit of screenshotting things, because I became quite paranoid at the time (esp because I didn't know how many people were sending me all the anons, so it felt for a while like it was a LOT of people vs. I think just a few very disturbed dedicated people lol), so I have a folder in my RotG writing folder literally of just...Tumblr drama, lol. It's sad to think about. I think it's one of the reasons I don't really go as deep into fandoms anymore like I used to. :( But that might change with time. :)

[demonicbaby666]

You’re Mine

One shot | Marvel Masterlist | Masterlists

Fandom: Marvel

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x fem!Reader

Genre: Smut

Words: 1.5k+ 

Warnings: 18+, minors DNI, jealousy, fingering, daddy kink, asphyxiation, sort of public sex being that people are on the other side of a door...

Summary: Natasha has always had a thing for you being hers and only hers. It's one of the things you love about her. However, it's impossibly hard not to rile her up because of her tendency to get overprotective and possessive. This time, you may have pushed her too far. So much so that she takes matters into her own hands with a lot more urgency than what you're used to.

A/n: my finger slipped and turned my laptop's whore mode on xxx

Emerald eyes were glued to the hand on your thigh. Of course, Maria hadn't meant to stir the pot when she'd harmlessly laid her hand down. Someone had made a joke, and after a series of light slaps, her hand just settled. It wasn't uncomfortable initially, but as Natasha's eyes continued to bore into you, it certainly was.

The next thing to do was to simply move Maria's hand away. Yet, there was something so satisfying about Nat's flushed face, reddening from anger, and her auburn hair that seemed to burn brighter similarly that - you didn't care to admit it - made your stomach tense in the best of ways. Was it a good idea to egg her on? Of course not. That didn't stop you from leaning into the casual contact from Maria. The lonely hand on your knee was soon joined by yours.

If Natasha wasn't pissed off before, she sure as hell was now, and you couldn't blame her. It would have been too much for anyone to handle, what with the exaggerated laughs, nudges, and non-existent space between you and Maria. You served up a platter of green and practically spoon-feed envy straight into Nat's mouth, which was now clenched together.

"A word outside," Nat said, suddenly standing above you. The veins in her neck were strained and pulsing; her nostrils flared as heaved breaths racked through her whole body. The tight-fitted shirt she wore rose and fell plain as day, and from this sight alone, you realised you may have pushed too far.

Not waiting for a response, Natasha grabbed your wrist, pulling you up and out of the room - ignoring the following sets of eyes.

Once you were away from said prying eyes, the older woman had you backed against the wall in an instant, eyes of fury scorching through you.

"You think I'd let that slide?" She seethed, wrapping her fingers around your throat, "Do I need to remind you that you're mine?"

The tight, possessive coiling of her fingers burned down your chest and ignited a fire between your legs. Nat had never been shy about where she stood on you getting comfortable with others. Even mentioning previous relationships would have repercussions. Often, these were reminders of how said relationships lacked vital things only Natasha could give you, i.e., the ability to walk the next day.

"No," you squeaked.

"It's obvious I do," Nat growled, sliding a hand between your bodies and roughly palming your breast.

The beginnings of a moan caught in your throat as the auburnette squeezed her fingers tighter around your neck. In some ways, you knew it would boil down to this, though you expected the display of dominance and ownership to come later in the night, when everyone was fast asleep, and no sound made would penetrate the alert ears that filled the room the other side of the wall.

You tried pleading with her, "Nat, they'll hear."

"Let them," she said, her lips inching closer to your ear, "It seems they also need a reminder of who you belong to."

"Nat," you attempted again before you were cut off by the sharp feel of her teeth biting the flesh under your ear.

With her hand still firmly holding you against the wall, airways fighting to get oxygen in, she lowered her hand down your ribcage and cupped your clothes cunt. Adrenaline coursed through your veins, knowing what was to come. It would have been easy for you to say stop or to have pushed Nat away entirely, but excitement was bubbling under the surface, and a large part of you wanted this. To be owned. To be claimed. To be reminded of what happens when you forget your place.

"You want daddy's fingers, don't you?" She muttered into your ear, her tone low, her voice raspy.

"Yes," you shamelessly breathed out.

In one quick move, your body was flipped, face pressed against the wall and hands on either side of your face. One of Natasha's hands held your hip in place, the other slithered between the wall and your stomach, slowly moving south. Deft fingers trailed a line up your thigh, reaching the waistband of your panties and wasted no time delving into the sticky mess she'd created.

"Did having Maria's hands all over you do this?" Nat asked, the disdain in her voice evident.

Having her so close to where you needed, yet refusing to appease your growing desire, had you shaking your head and wriggling your hips, trying to position your clit over her stubborn fingers. However, Natasha was unrelenting and moved her hand away entirely, resting on your jaw and yanking it back so you could face her.

"Tell me who your cunt belongs to," she demanded.

Behind the anger and lust that donned her eyes, once light sage, the shade of dark juniper, you saw a hollowness that encircled and sought to wreak havoc on the one certainty she held sacred - you. Of course, you had always made it clear that you were hers and she was yours, but despite her tough bravado, sometimes she also needed to be reminded. After all, the avenger was only human.

"You," your voice crackled in your throat, desperately trying to remain quiet yet sure in your words when all you wanted was to be mercilessly fucked against the wall, "you, you and only you."

"Good girl." she pecked the underside of your jaw. A smirk lined her smooth, balmed lips as she did so.

You could have cried with joy when Natasha released you and trailed her finger back down to your underwear. Instead, you settled for a soft moan of gratitude when you felt the pressure radiate off your body and the beginnings of lazy circles drawn over your clit.

Despite the urgency that flooded through you and the precarious place where your body was being taken, Nat showed no signs of being in a rush. The languish exploration of a place she knew all too well was still being undergone after gruelling minutes. A complaint had touched the tip of your tongue so many times, and as if the older woman knew when it was coming, she'd give you the tiniest taste of relief and settle back into the depth of endless torture.

It was too much. A lump was caught in your throat, your bottom lip was sore from the firm bite of your teeth, and your body fought to keep itself upright and steady while simultaneously trying to remain docile.

"Please, daddy," you begged, rucking your hips for the hundredth time, "Fuck me."

Immediately, you sensed the change in Nat's stature. She stood taller and closed the space between your bodies, pressing her chest firmly to your back and pushing you further into the wall. The cold paint was welcome against your flushed cheek and cut your gasp off short.

This newfound calm would only last a millisecond before two fingers penetrated the junction between your legs, and a fire set ablaze every living cell in your body.

There was no need to move anymore because the expeditious pace and vigour of Natasha's talented fingers left you sated - in addition to clouding your conscious mind. The only task necessary to focus on, thanks to the body and hand holding you in place against the wall, was breathing.

"Say it again," she ordered.

The moment her thumb made contact with your throbbing clit, a bolt of lightning plummeted through your spine and forced your neck to snap back with a silent whimper. Thankfully, the avenger's quick reflexes came to her aid. She moved her head in time for the back of your head to crash down on her shoulder. The thudded contact would have been painful had it not been for your senses being somewhat preoccupied with the brain-numbing ecstasy that was reaching its peak.

"Fuck me, daddy!"

Careful to make sure the force of her body would be enough to keep you upright, the auburnette wound her arm around your body and placed her hand firmly around your neck. Everything around you faded and ceased to exist; the floor beneath your feet was gone, and you were floating on cotton clouds. You dragged your nails down the wall in an effort to grasp onto something tangible. Instead, the mix of the dulled scratching sounds and emptiness in your palms left you increasingly consumed by the ethereal feeling of pure, unadulterated pleasure.

"I'm going to come, daddy," you cried out, surely extracting a snigger from someone on the other side of the wall, "Please keep going."

"You're mine," Natasha uttered into your ear, squeezing the sides of your throat harder. She ran her thumb faster over your clit, curved her fingers at the end of each thrust, and within the next few seconds, the stars in your visions illuminated a blacked-out night sky.

"Mine."

When you regained the ability to see again, you spun around and crashed your lips to Nat's. It took her by surprise, though quickly enough, she reciprocated and poured every ounce of love she had into the kiss.

"I'm yours," you whispered softly against her lips, "and only yours."

Taglist: @ssa-sapphic @red1culous @7thavenger @five-bi-five-mind @kenyakimble34 @12fluffybunny12 @asensitivecookie @maxinehufflepuffprincess @whosprentiss @asolitaryrose3 @lesbi-hinest-here @imlike-so-gaydude @taylorswiftsboyfriend @asphodelvamp @tmlwattpad19 @jareguiromanoff @lilfartbox1 | click here to be added to my taglist

[creedslove]

MEANT TO BE ❤️‍🔥- PART TWO

No outbreak!Joel Miller x f!reader

Summary: when Joel finds out even his brother is settling down, he decides to go after you and try to be happy with the woman of his dreams: you 💞

(This is the second part of the story MEANT TO BE ❤️‍🔥 )

Warnings: angst, sad!joel, arguments, love sick puppy!joel, fluff, happy ending, two stubborn idiots in love

A/N: Hi besties!! I know it took a little longer for this part to come out but here it is! I hope you all enjoy it and forgive me angsty besties but I cannot give our husband Joel a sad ending 🤧 he deserves to be happy!

3k words

Joel knew jealousy was an ugly feeling, no matter the reason that caused it - if he felt jealous of his partner, or if he felt jealous of his things because he didn't like to share or when jealousy was just an euphemism for envy whenever someone got something he desired and couldn't have. It was a human feeling, he knew people were bound to feel that way and it was alright, as long as it didn't harm anyone, everybody eventually had one of these feelings here and there, as it was also popular knowledge we can't control our feelings.

Yet, he still felt pretty bad when he realized he was jealous of his brother, when Tommy broke the news to Joel he was going to be a dad.

Tommy was the kind of man who seemed to refuse to grow up, he was hard-working of course, no one could say anything at all about that, but when it came to his personal life, he acted like a thirty-something year old man child. Girlfriends would come and go, he often got himself into trouble, having to hide away or something, eventually fighting angry boyfriends and a husband or two when they found the younger Miller had his filthy hands on their women. Perhaps watching his older brother having to mature so young after getting his girlfriend pregnant, getting married just to be abandoned with a baby to raise on his own made Tommy feel the need to enjoy his life before shit got serious just like it happened to Joel, but a part of him knew that maybe he should be more like his older brother, more responsible with his love affairs, more committed to the girls he liked, just like Joel often thought that perhaps he should be the more like his younger brother, relax and enjoy life now that his daughter was in college, and Joel had more time to himself. Neither of them would admit it though.

Joel stared at his brother, who was sitting on the couch across from him. Resting his elbows on his thigh and face buried between hands, taking a deep breath before he could think of anything else to say.

Tommy was going to be a father. He'd found out about it the day before, when his girlfriend, Maria, came desperately to the small office downtown Joel had recently rented to be the headquarter of their construction business, a place where they could manage the red tape by storing documents, hiring someone to take phone calls and organize a working schedule. Joel is hardly ever there, he is usually out doing the actual business, but his little brother used to be there more frequently.

So he got pretty shocked when Maria barged in with a bunch of pregnancy tests - all positive plus another blood one. And in the blink of an eye, it seemed Tommy would have to become the responsible brother from that moment on.

"So what's your plan Tommy? You're gonna be a dad, are you even marrying the girl or what?"

"I-I was hoping to stick around with Maria for a few months…"

Joel snorted, he had let his brother 'stick around' for a few months just before he could get settled and that was when Sarah was in highschool.

"Yeah? And then what? When the kid is born, where are you putting the crib? In the garage? Cause we ain't got no space, Tommy!" Joel saw how Tommy's face fell, he felt angry because he knew his brother had potential, but god, it infuriated Joel when Tommy thought his older brother would be able to handle everything for him.

On the other hand, Tommy he'd been next to Joel all along through the most challenging task of raising his daughter, and even if his brother was laid-back, he had to help him.

The older Miller took a real long breath and looked at Tommy's scared eyes

"I'll help you Tommy"

Joel didn't remember the last time his brother hugged him, it was probably when they were kids, but Tommy did hug his older brother, so thankful to know his brother would offer him help.

"Hey bro…" Tommy said with a relieved smile, looking at Joel "you help me out and I help you out: Y/N is back in town for good… apparently she quit or was fired or whatever, and she's staying at her grandma's and she is working downtown… next to our office" he winked and left.

And that information was what made Joel's jealousy spike even more. He was jealous of his brother, because Joel was the one who wanted to become a father again, he wanted to have you come to him and break the news, he wanted you to be carrying his baby, having to move in together, get married and raise your baby Miller together. He wanted all of those things with you, because his heart ached for you, for your touch, especially for the past month, he couldn't simply get your visit out of his mind. He replayed that night over and over, thinking of what he could've done to make you stay, he'd been in love with you and that was no secret at all, but he'd made you go away because he thought he was doing the right thing for you. He thought that by making you chase after your dream, you'd be happier, because he always loved how intelligent and strong you were and how you would definitely reach your goals if nothing held you back. He just assumed you'd be better off without him, without being trapped in that normal, simple suburban life and maybe he was right, maybe you were better off, making money and working in a job you loved, but god knew he missed you, he craved you, your presence, your touch, the way he obsessively kept the watch you'd kinda gifted him on his wrist all the time, or how he found himself unable to throw away the delicate, colorful paper bag you'd brought in his cupcakes. Sometimes he thought he was going mad, but in reality, he was just broken hearted to have let his happiness escape like grains of sand through his fingers.

That night, Tommy decided to take Maria out for dinner, they were both over the moon to know Joel would help them for the next few months, allowing them to stay in the house. Whenever Sarah came to visit from college, then they'd have to rearrange some things, and his heart weighed in his chest to know you would've been the first one to assure Joel he was doing the right thing and that even if things were a little crowded in the house, your place in his bed would be there. Tommy had invited Joel to go with them, but he declined, he definitely didn't want to be a third wheel during such a special moment in his little brother's life and also the fact he wasn't just good company, Joel was upset and quiet, as he couldn't stop thinking about what Tommy had told him: you were back, for good.

That fed his silly heart with hopes, knowing you were back in town, no fancy job between the two of you and as much as he wanted you to succeed, if things didn't work professionally for whatever reason, maybe you could still be happy when it came to love? However, you hadn't got in touch with him, so maybe, it meant you didn't want him anymore? If that was the case, you wouldn't have showed up at his birthday, would you?

Joel had so many unanswered questions and he didn't want to be trapped inside his mind, so he gathered the courage he needed, grabbed his truck keys and decided to drive to your place. He was going to see you.

You helped your grandma get comfortable in bed and smiled at her, she was getting weaker each day and it was difficult to watch it without being able to do anything about it and pretend it isn't affecting you that much. You'd been back in town after being fired from your job and it felt kind of a relief if you were going to be honest with yourself. It paid well, but it also took away your mental health in the months you'd been away, combined with the heartbreak after your break up, you could say you had been through one of the worst times of your life. Not that things were great now that your grandmother had fallen ill, but at least you were home, you had found another job at a small publisher downtown, similar to the one you had, but the demands weren't as stressful and the environment wasn't toxic, which comforted you. The money wasn't as much, but you couldn't complain, and once you moved into your grandma's you were already saving up with rent, at the same time she would be assisted in case of an emergency. It broke your heart to know lately she'd been asking you a lot about Joel and also giving you the talk about the importance of finding love in life and not being alone, you knew deep inside it was because she feared dying before seeing you happy with someone she really hoped it would be Joel.

You placed the blanket over your grandmother and wished her a good night of sleep, but you felt her grip on your wrist before you could walk away.

"Have you talked to him?" She asked in her tired voice

"You mean Joel? No grandma, I haven't.. not since his birthday, at least… why?"

"Because you love each other and it's just stupid how the two of you try to deny it" she grunted "I just want you to be happy, and I know you will find happiness next to Joel, he's the right man for you.."

"Grandma I-" you frowned as you were cut off by the doorbell, finding it odd someone would show up at that hour but excused yourself, relieved to have a distraction and not having to discuss that subject with your grandmother.

You ran downstairs curious to see who would possibly be knocking and also getting ready to ditch them, when you opened the door and got surprised to find Joel standing there. He cleared his throat, scratching the back of his neck, looking visibly shy to be there

"Joel? Did something happen?" You asked worriedly and saw he shook his head

"Not really, I just want to talk to you… may I come in?" He asked politely but took a step further even before you could give him permission, so you just opened space and closed the door behind him, welcoming him into the living room and offering a place to sit, but he refused

"I need to talk to you, Y/N and I will get straight to the point: I love you, I always have and I'm sure I always will. Making you go away was a huge mistake, I thought I would do something good for you, I thought it would help you to leave me and get yourself a nice job, so you wouldn't be trapped with me, I want you to have the world, and I'll give you everything I can, even if you deserve more…"

"What the fuck are you talking about, Joel? You said yourself I was just an adventure to you and nothing else! You said you would never have a family with me, you told me you were just excited by the fact I was younger but you were tired of me" you immediately replied, you could feel the anger building up inside of you, how dare he break your heart, shatter it to pieces only to come back a few months later with a puppy face and say he wanted you back.

"That was all bullshit, you don't get that? I knew that if I just tried breaking up with you, you wouldn't take it, you're stubborn and fierce and you would have fought for us, so if you thought that maybe I didn't love you like you loved me, maybe you'd go after your dreams…"

"Who did you think you were to try and decide what was best for me? You thought I would've chosen money? What do you take me for? A snotty little rich girl? Fuck you Joel, you broke my heart, you treated me like shit and now you want to convince me I wasn't just some fuck for you?"

"I bought you a fucking ring, Y/N, a ring! I was ready to propose to you, what do you want to believe in me? Want me to get on my fucking knees and propose to you now? Because I can fucking do it!" He raised his voice, losing his temper with you. Joel often loved how fierce you were, but now was certainly not the occasion.

"Fuck you and your ring, Joel! I don't want either of you" you spat at him, angry tears pooling in your eyes at how disturbed the argument with him left you.

"W-what?" He asked after some time, it took him a few seconds for your words to sink in, his eyes were big and hopeful, and you hated yourself to see you were hurting him, at the same time you couldn't help a petty feeling take over your senses and the need of hurting him overshadowed you.

"You heard me, get out Joel. You and I are done, you said I was just an adventure to you, but maybe you were just an adventure to me, maybe I was just into the thrill of having the attention of an older guy and now the thrill is gone…"

You looked down ashamed to stare at him in the eyes, because you knew if you watched them fill with tears you'd get on your knees and beg him for forgiveness. Just like when Joel broke up with you and he turned his back waiting for you to leave, you did the same, incapable of facing him.

The man walked out the door defeated, Joel grew up in a time where he was taught men shouldn't cry, but goddamn it felt hard not to. He'd been crushed by your words, the woman he loved, and there it was: the rejection he thought wouldn't come. Joel had a box with an engagement ring in his pocket and a broken heart in his chest.

He was about to get inside his truck when he heard his name. At first he was sure it was just his mind playing tricks, but when he heard your voice calling him again, he turned around, blinking away his tears so you wouldn't see them and raised his eyebrow, wondering what you could possibly want. Another round of insults and humiliation? But instead, he was taken aback by your arms wrapping around his waist the moment you buried yourself into his chest. You clung to him as you sobbed, your grip tight around him, as you mumbled apologies and other things he couldn't quite comprehend. He looked down at you without moving for a few seconds, until he gave in and finally wrapped his arms around you too, holding you as tight as you held him.

He rubbed your back up and down and cooed at you, trying to get you to calm down.

"I-I'm so sorry Joel, I really am… I was horrible to you, I was so mean and cruel to you, I wanted to hurt you like you had hurt me, I didn't mean any of it" you said all at once without even managing to breathe.

He kept silent, watching your crying face and had an insight of what having a child with you would be like - a baby girl, who would have the same beautiful eyes glistening with tears whenever something bothered her.

His thumb went for your cheek, caressing it gently at the same time it wiped your tears.

"I understand if you don't want to forgive me, Joel, but I swear I didn't mean anything I said, you love me don't you?" You whispered as your hand stroked his face "I love you too Joel, you could never be just an adventure, you're the love of my life, I'm sure of it" You confessed, still feeling the guilt of hurting him stabbing you like a hundred knives.

You got on the tip of your toes and gently pecked his lips, your hands holding his face between your grip as his hands went for your hips, holding your body against his as he deepened the kiss. Joel was confused, he was upset, angry, relieved all of that mixed up, but above all, he was feeling hungry. Hungry for you.

You could've spent the whole night lost in his arms, feeling his lips against yours, having missed them so much, but eventually, you two broke the kiss. You watched the man with anxiety and anticipation, he was still silent and it was unnerving.

Joel placed his hand into his pocket and found the box, getting on his knees in front of you and displaying the ring he'd bought nearly a year ago. It wasn't expensive, it was all he could afford, but he knew that if you meant your apologies, if you meant your love words, you wouldn't care about it at all.

You, on the other hand, felt your heart skipping a beat the moment you saw Joel falling onto his knees right in front of you and showing you the ring. You didn't even understand why Joel kept saying it was a cheap ring, when in reality it was the most beautiful ring you'd ever seen, you gasped and bit your lips, unable to find any words.

"Marry me…" it wasn't a question, it was a plea, you could read it in his eyes, Joel needed you as much as you needed him.

"Yes, of course I'll marry you Joel" you told him, getting on your knees in front of him, kissing his lips and shaking softly, but being immediately engulfed in his arms.

Joel put the ring on your finger and you chuckled, kissing him again.

You two were meant to be and there was no way of fighting that.

_____

A/N: can Joel Miller propose to me right now please? 😭

[yanderes-galore]

For your event thing your doing can I request Yandere Lloyd (Ninjago) one-shot with your prompts 8, 15 romantic please.

Here's more Lloyd, sorry your request took so long :( I tend to write slow with my current load, lol.

Tried to convey my version yandere Lloyd in this, a young man who still has trouble understanding relationships due to his personal life... but I also made him snap-

Yandere! Lloyd Garmadon Prompts 8 + 15

"I could look into those eyes forever...."

"Please smile for me... don't make me force you...."

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Trauma, Struggles with expressing romantic emotions, Jealousy, Rushed/Forced relationship, Slight possessive behavior, Manipulation/Threat, Forced kissing, Lloyd is delusional and unsure of what he did wrong at first, Mind break for yandere, Kidnapping.

All Lloyd ever wanted in his stressful life was comfort. Being the Green Ninja, a symbol of light and hope before darkness, wasn't easy. Especially since he has trained into this role at such a young age.

Event after event repeats in his head. Some wish for his role, he says they shouldn't. He may be a hero... yet he wishes there was something to ease the pain that comes after the day is saved.

Lloyd has met many throughout his journey as the Green/Gold ninja. He's had betrayals, he's had great friendships, although...

None of them compared to you.

He had saved you during an attack conducted by the Overlord. Ever since then you respected him. You saw him as your hero....

When Lloyd first met you out of danger, he froze. When he was younger he never had time to pursue any romantic partners. He didn't think he could handle it with his destiny anyways.

As an adult... he met you and felt his face heat up. You looked at him with such adoration and respect. Many looked at him like this... but with you?

Lloyd loved to look into your eyes... endless pools of amazement all directed towards him. He adored your bright smile... one that lit up the room and was wide with excitement. Lloyd loved to look at you... he wanted to see more of just you.

When he looked at you, he felt at ease. Your eyes and smile alone were enough to draw him to you. As a result... you became yet another friend of the Green Ninja.

Being a friend of Lloyd's had its perks and it's downsides. The downsides... danger lurks around every corner. The perks outweigh such downsides, however, like the ninjas protection.

You began to spend most of your time with Lloyd. You didn't think you were anything special... yet Lloyd was convinced of the opposite. Why were you so special towards Lloyd?

Simple... you listened to him.

The others were always involved in their own thing. Although, Lloyd just felt like he needed someone to vent to. Being a dedicated friend, you listened.

A trait that made Lloyd love you even more.

Lloyd's hints were subtle. You often noticed he gazed at your eyes. He'd also stare at your lips before shaking his head with a sorry... saying he spaced out.

Lloyd... wasn't sure how to show he loves you. Was there a right way? Was there a wrong way? Lloyd didn't have much of a guideline to follow...

So he just assumed... any way would be the right way.

Lloyd assumed that being jealous was what happened with all crushes. He just accepted that it was normal to grit his teeth when others were around you. Wasn't it normal to feel... obsessive about you to the point he wants it to be just you and him... alone?

Feelings of envy and jealousy bubbled in Lloyd the longer you two are friends. He knows deep down you'll always see him as your hero. Hell, you're his hero for making him feel so much better nowadays.

Better to the point he starts getting bold.

Lloyd was bound to confess at some point. His jealousy kept building... his thoughts kept rolling back to your eyes and smile. Was it so wrong to confess to the one who made him feel a sense of security?

Lloyd didn't think anything was wrong. He asked you to meet him at the dojo in private. It was just the two of you....

The Green Ninja then takes your hands in his, saying your name in a breathy tone...

"I could look into those eyes forever...."

The compliment tints your face red, causing Lloyd to smile. He wants to show you how you make him feel.... He wants to show that you make him feel special. Lloyd takes a deep breath...

"I love you... surely you feel the same, right? I saved you... in return, you saved me. I just want you to look at my with that adoration of yours all the time, no one else...."

You're surprised when he pulls you closer. He doesn't mean to be so rough when he pushes you against the wall. Your heartbeat increases... he doesn't notice your fear when he leans in for the kiss until you struggle.

The moment his lips touch yours, you push on his chest. His face contorts in confusion and he pulls away. Only to see a frightened you... looking up at him and shaking.

Only then does he realize what he did wrong.

"I-I'm sorry, I-" Lloyd stutters, only for you to shake your head and push him off you. He thought he was being romantic...!

"Not right now, Lloyd... I... still need time to process."

All because he was too eager... Lloyd created a rift in your friendship. Your fearful rejection put a hole in his heart. His confession did nothing to ease his feelings of yearning.

When Lloyd looked at you... he felt horrible again. Your eyes never sparkle towards him anymore... your smile always falters with him around. The others ask why you two seem so apart now.

Lloyd doesn't have the heart to tell them what he's done.

What made him feel even more sick was his neverending insistence about being beside you. He reminds himself he's done enough. Although he misses your smile...

He wants to see your smile again.

Green no longer felt like a color of hope to Lloyd... green was a color of envy. That's all Lloyd ever felt for weeks after the incident between you. You still got along well with all the other ninja...

Such a thought of abandonment and heartbreak made the ninja go a little crazy.

He begged you to forgive him for everything, both what he's done and what he's about to do. Lloyd can't take the neglect in his heart anymore. He snaps... and Lloyd isn't quite Lloyd anymore.

Lloyd would normally never consider kidnapping. Although the moment he gave up being so good all the time, he considered it more and more. Now, Lloyd has you in shackles... in a home he had built for him and you.

After all, sometimes the famous Green Ninja likes solitude, asking for a private home as an adult wasn't too out of the ordinary for anyone.

He hated your fear... but it was better than being alone. You pleaded with him to let you go... that this isn't him. You're right... it isn't...

But he's never letting you go.

"Please smile for me...." Lloyd pleads, truly taking after the Garmadon in his name. He wants to see you smile at him again. He wants to see you both happy....

The moment he sees nothing but a blank stare from you, he frowns.

"Don't make me force you...." Lloyd sighs softly, sitting in front of you. It's an empty threat but you don't know that. He sees your face fall into fear yet again before you try to change your tone.

You smile softly. It's an empty shell of the smile you gave him when you first met. Lloyd's green eyes bore into you for a moment before smiling.

"That's good enough... I've missed that smile of yours." Lloyd murmurs, putting a hand on your cheek. You don't move and allow Lloyd to enjoy the moment. He suddenly frowns... hugging you gently.

"I'm sorry..." He whimpers. He doesn't expect forgiveness. He claims he loves you yet he betrays your trust... twice. He doesn't deserve forgiveness...

But Lloyd felt you at least deserved to hear him say it....

[lolirockenjoyer]

Time for character analysis and talk about my favorite lolirock character

(lolirock spoilers!!)

Praxina is one of the best characters to analysing from psychological point of view. Idk I just love doing that with every character, especially with my favorites. I will talk about her actions and not only.

We know she's very affirmed and firm person who is really focused on her goals. She has a lot of her "mean impulses" and humiliate people with pleasure. She's extremaly cold, arrogant, vindictive, proud and overbearing. She bears an inexplicable, immense resentment towards the princesses, which is her strength but much more of weakness because her anger toward the princesses blinds her so much. Let's see that Mephisto doesn't hate princesses that much (if at all but I will do a separate post for him) so Praxina probably has her own reason which is not caused by black crystal or stuff like that (if you know what I mean).

The thing we also know for sure that's her soft spot for her brother despite her rude and cold personality. Definetely her relation with Mephisto is really important for her character.

The first thing I want to mention is her irrational hatred for princesses, especially Iris. (I will talk about Iris now cause I didn't notice that strong feeling of contempt to any princess). Without any guilt she can turn her life into hell, kill all of her love ones and derive joy from her suffering. And there is the only one thing my mind gave me and it's ENVY. Strong feeling of envy.

Don't even try to tell me that she wasn't even a little envy about her.

"You're like such a super amazingly awesome and powerful force for good"

We all can agree Praxina definetely can have tendencies to jealousy and envy. It fits her a lot and we see that in the show.

Iris is how Auriana described "smart and pretty" + really powerful. Even Auriana said she wants to be like her so why Praxina doesn't?

It can be caused of her visible low self-esteem which is visible in the show. Especially in "Forget you" when she lost memory her features she doesn't want to be visible was showed.

Does she hates herself that much she punched her reflection.

"These clothes looks strange. I must look ridiculous in them".

Despite her many flaws and vile actions I don't think she's without heart and feelings at all. And it looks like she doesn't wants or doesn't wants to be bad anymore but she probably see being "good" as a weakness, and in the deepest part in her heart she hates herself for it (tf she literally punched her reflection). And remember she kept the brancelet! Praxina we all know how you feel.

The fact that she doesn't know how it is when someone is nice to you and when you have a friends because they were probably neglected or abused (or both) so princesses had to explain her it like she was a child. It makes me upset sm.

Another thing is her perfectionism and inability to handle failure. She puts all the blame for all failures on Mephisto and has anger problems to that extent that he commits physical and mental violence.

She was so frustrated with her loose that she used her shanila which girls used during very strong feelings. Iris was able to use her shanila when her friends and love "died" so what Praxina felt?

Let's see that everything she do is mastered to perfection. Dancing, fencing, spells, everything.

And really important thing is her and Mephisto's relation. I hope I don't have to tell Praxina also loves Mephisto with all her heart and she would do anything for him and die for him too the same as he would (he did actually...). She loves him like so much, see she could/can feel Mephisto's feeling and she's really sensitive for his feelings in "Forget You". But remember she's ready to kill Nathaniel and ruin Iris life because one – from love to Mephisto, and two – she can't accept his death so the best thing that she can do is puts blame on and throw up her anger on her enemies. I won't be suprised if she will regret this at some point but she won't be able to go back and she will reach a point of no return.

And that's one of the tragic flaws of her. She's impulsive and reckless as hell. So she finally must bear the consequences. Even when her reaction to Mephisto's death (or maybe not... I hope...) and denial of certain things and situations is just kind of coping mechanism but it's still not an excuse.

So if we're on a point of coping mechanism we can start talk about her disgust to loving feelings and relationships with people. We don't have any twins official backstory for now but even here, observing Praxina's behaviour, I can tell her (and Mephisto's to ofc but we talk about Praxina now) childhood weren't the best and her parents or someone who took them under his care (Gramorr, ekhem) didn't gave them enough love or attention.

Praxina has really avoidant attachment style and she tries to deny feelings such as love, attachment or sadness. She would never ask for help no matter how much she would need it. Praxina wants to be and be seen as independent, self-sufficient and not detached from people but she doesn't. She is very dependent and attached to her brother but she doesn't want to show it. She probably had to be tough from young age and never got an emotional warm and the only person she was close to presumably died.

To sum up. Praxina IS bad person but she also is very full of complexes girl, with narcissistic (NPD) traits, who probably never experienced real love, hug, emotional warm and was teaching to be cold, serious and tough from youngest so she's insecure about her feelings and feels kind of shame, weakness about showing love and caring.

[monnn]

>Winter Petal✧⁠*

Pairing: non-idol!Wonwoo x gn!reader

Genre: angst, angst and more angst, one-sided love, reader is LOVESICK for Wonu!! >o<"

Warnings: it's just gonna hurt a lot and doesn't end happily, so read at your own risk(I'm sorry)

WC: 3.1+

A/N: oof, hello folks. the past few weeks has been such a roller-coaster and I wasn't really feeling better. I'm doing better now and I hope you are too♡ since this was due for quite a while, it's a bit Ionger than expected. this is the last part of the unexpected series and I hope you have enjoyed it so far! I'll shut up now and let you read, so hold on tight and let yourself feel while reading this! a little song recommendation: I Love You So by The Walters on loop! @-@

part-1, part-2 here!

_________________________________________

PRESENT

Wonu was busy adoring Jiyeon, while your eyes were on him, Jiyeon’s voice snapping you out of your trance.

“You’ll be there as early as possible. I better see you at the venue, at least a week before. Please Y/N?”she goes on, from demanding to begging real quick.

“I'll try my best Ji. You know how busy I can get” you say, sipping your hot chai.

They were getting married.

Wonwoo was getting married and it wasn't to you.

The biggest heart break of all times.

The thought of Wonwoo being the first of your friends’ circle to be hitched, is beyond you. Wonu hated commitments, relationships didn't matter.

“I still can't believe you're marrying this annoying ass, Jiyeon. He must've really worked wonders for his previous eight lives” you say, playfully knocking Wonu’s head, signalling him to get off his phone.

“Are you really my best friend?! You're supposed to be happy for me!” he whines. You just laugh at him instead of replying. Honestly, you were happy for him. Though it wasn't something your heart desired for, you were happy to see Wonwoo happy. Even if it means that you won't ever have a chance with him. Maybe you'll eventually forget him, you think. Though that's almost impossible.

Almost.

“But I agree with Jiyeon. You need to be there ASAP, Y/N. You know how much of a wreck I turn into when I'm stressed. And all of us would have more time to spend with each other. I know how stressful all our lives have been and I'm sure we've all missed each other, so please?” he rambles, all in a single breath. As much as whatever Wonu told was true, you don't think you can physically handle it all. It’d be too overwhelming for you, with your emotions splayed out and heart on your sleeve, waiting to be ripped off by none other than the groom. So, you chose the safest option – to arrive on the wedding day.

“I'll try my best Wonu. I can only wonder how stressful it can be for the both of you, but I also know you guys are THE powerful duo who can overcome anything. So, I’ll root for the both of you, hoping everything would turn out well and I'll see you on your big day” you say, wearing a warm smile covering the growing pain in you.

The couple radiate the warmest of energy and nod at whatever you said as it’s nothing but the absolute truth. They've always been this way, unbreakable no matter what. You used to envy that, as your college-self wanted them to low-key breakup. You and Wonwoo were THAT powerful duo before Jiyeon came through, it was only human for you to be jealous of them. Now you just feel tender looking at them, there's no jealousy, which is truly surprising.

◇

Days pass by sooner than you think and you're on your way to the destination. As weird as Wonwoo can get, the wedding’s happening in winter instead of spring or summer like the others do. He was specific about this as he met Jiyeon in winter. Little did anyone know that the both of you met in winter too. Well, it was winter in your lives as you and Wonu were both loners. It’s almost fateful for the both of you to be stuck with each other for so long.

If only this wasn’t platonic, everything would be straight out of a well-written romance fiction. (haha, unlike this one)

Your said date a.k.a Seungcheol, had picked you up from your place early in the morning to drive you. Jeonghan had planned all this, since he can stay without a date as his sister was coming along. Cheol was great company, and he didn’t need to have conversations with you, making the whole scene feel alien. You were truly grateful for that, as you didn’t really have an appetite to digest the things spewed by others at the wedding. The weather was getting a bit warm for winter, making you roll your window down, feeling the sharp yet soothing breeze while you try not to feel like your heart’s about to be grilled because of the emotions you felt. Your thoughts were interrupted by Jeonghan calling Cheol, who’s phone was connected to the speaker. You pick it before he reaches, Cheol sending a small smile to you.

“Hey Cheollie, how far away are you guys?” you hear Hannie, enquiring like the mum he is.

“Hi Han, we’re an hour away. How’s it going over there?” you ask, warmth crawling up your cheeks.

“Hi Y/N!!! I can’t wait to see you,” he pauses, the boys screaming in the background as they hear about you. “These morons won’t let me speak to you, so I'm gonna hang up now and see you both soon!” he says, seemingly pushing Soonie away as he was whining over the speaker to you about not being there sooner.

Laughing, you almost hang up before pausing to ask something.

“Oh, and Han?”

“Yeah, love?”

“How’s he? Is he alright?” you ask, curiously.

Sensing how concerned you were, Han chose to not make it harder.

“He’s alright for now, babe. He’ll be okay. I’d ask about you but it’s way too early and I want you to be wrapped in my arms for at least 20mins before I ask you anything” he says, sighing in relief.

“Hannie, I thought WE were married!” Cheol whines, as you laugh at how he’s sulking over the affection Han has for you. It’s cute, how they’ve been each other's rock for so long and yours too. You’ve genuinely missed your friends so much, your heart aches a little at the instances where you avoided them to protect your peace.

Hannie’s giggles bring you back, as he replies saying that they’re over if Cheol doesn’t get us there ASAP. Now you’re dealing with a sulky Cheol, who’s whining at how Han’s pulling tricks always, though you can’t help but just laugh at your friends’ antics.

Time flies and you’re at the wedding, a whiny Chan and Soon clinging onto you as you walk. They lead you guys to where the others are and upon the sight of you, Han’s running over to you. He jumps on to you as you topple down, Hannie having no intention of letting you go. He asks about Cheol, who insisted that he can drop the bags in your room all by himself. You guys just lay on the grass for a bit and he gets up as the weather’s still a bit cold, to drag you inside the resort. Seeing all your friends made you tear up a bit, which led to all of you shedding a few tears as you guys hug the sadness away. It’s wholesome than sad, because of how much these idiots mean to you and vice versa. The friendships you’ve built with each of them is so darn precious to you and it’s baffling how you were ready to throw this all away, just for that one man. Who was now about to be married. Pushing this aside, you search for two of your other friends who were nowhere to be found. In the garden area of the resort, you find them caressing their own drinks. Mingyu’s got champagne while Jihoon’s in love with his whiskey. They’re still the same old dorks you met; you ponder over while walking towards to them.

“Already?” you say, startling the both of them as they were lost in their own drinking shenanigans.

Mingyu is the first one to get up, lifting you up while he gulfs you into him. He’s so warm and smells like home, you’ve missed this puppy.

“I’m so glad to see you, Y/N. Do you need a drink too?” he asks, ready to order one for you. You shake your head, not wanting to show up drunk at your best friend’s wedding. The minute Mingyu lets you down, you run to hug Jihoon. You feel tears stinging your eyes, heart feeling heavier than ever. Sensing that you need your time with Jihoon, Mingyu walks away telling that he’ll see you around and to contact him if anything. You hug him goodbye before turning back to Jihoon.

Honestly, he’s the best person to let your thoughts be and to just sit with it than avoiding it like a plague. Jihoon glances at you, ordering a glass of gin with ginger ale while you were settling down. Once the drink arrives, he pushes it to your side, signalling you to have it.

“Jihoon....I can’t” you say, hesitantly but low-key really needing some alcohol in your system.

“You’ll need it for later, Y/N. Have it please?” he requests, raising his glass and waiting for you to clink them with. You give up, taking the glass and toasting it with Jihoon’s before having a sip. The way your sip lasted more than it was supposed to, seemed like you were quenching your thirst but with alcohol.

Well, fuck being sober at the love of your life’s wedding, I guess.

You hang with Jihoon for a bit more, before a cute Joshua is waltzing through the room, letting you know that it’s time to get ready for the ceremony. At this, Jihoon just nodded at you and hugged you off, saying that he’ll see you at the hall in a bit. The hug lingered for a while which was broke by Jisoo, coughing to subtly steal you away from everyone.

What was with him?

Well, he had a crush on you. Everyone else knew, except for you. Even Wonwoo knew. Shua wasn’t sure if his adoration has stayed a crush for so long, but he wasn’t ready to give up on you. Though a part of him is sad that you’re not the bride, he’s slightly happier to have a chance to woo you. (PS: everyone knew you were head over heels for Wonu, cheers to being the monarch of simp nation. JK, you were too obvious around him)

Hand wrapped around his arm, Shua leads you to your room, informing that Cheol will be over to pick you up in two hours or so. You slowly get into your dress, adoring how beautiful it looks before the makeup artist’s knocking at your door. You let them in and then sit down to get your makeup done, while you snack on carrots and stay on your phone. In no time, you’re dolled up real nice and right on time, Cheol enters. He smiles at you before engulfing you in a hug, careful not to ruin the art you are.

“You look lovely, Y/N. If I weren’t gay and married to Han, I’d walk down the aisle with you tonight.” he jokes, making you laugh.

“There we go, a smile was all that was missing” he says, taking your hands in his.

“How are you feeling, dove?” he asks, eyes scanning for any discomfort or sadness.

“I’m doing alright, Cheol. Thank you for checking up on me, always” you say, giving his hands a tight little squeeze.

“Glad that Jihoon made me have a good ol’ glass of Bombay Sapphire with ginger ale. I think I can survive the ceremony without breaking down and confessing my love to Wonu, while he’s getting married to Jiyeon” you blurt out, jokingly. There’s a moment of silence as Cheol gawks at what you said before you tell him that it was a joke and how they should get going before it gets late.

Guess you are late, as the person you love would be walking the aisle with his lover, who sadly isn’t you.

Before entering the hall, you go over to see the bride and groom. You head to Jiyeon’s room, heart hurting yet happy for her. Knocking on the door, you open it to see Jiyeon, pacing around the room in her wedding gown. She looks ethereal, and so ready to share her life with your best friend. As soon as she notices you, she runs towards you to hug, and tries to collect her breaths.

“Y/N, I can’t do this. I can’t. Can you marry Wonwoo instead?” she asks, voice laced with panic. It’s pathetic how you actually consider that for a minute. Laughing it off, you pull Jiyeon back, holding her hands in yours, eyes meeting hers while you muster up the courage to say –

“Hey Ji. You’ll be alright, okay? It’s not someone you don’t know, it’s just Wonu. Everything will be alright. Breathe for me, please?"

“Right, you’re right Y/N. It's Wonwoo, why’d I didn’t think of that? Anyways, thank you Y/N. Though you’ve always been his rock, you secretly managed to be mine too” she says, a wide smile plastered on her face.

“So, I'll see you on the aisle, yeah? All the best Ji, you’ve got this” you say, leaving before she replies. Your feelings were up your throat, waiting to be pushed out anytime if you hadn’t left the room. You do the same thing you told Jiyeon – breathe. You take a few deep breaths, fixing yourself as you head towards your best friend.

Best friend.

As you were about to knock, the door opens revealing an equally nervous yet, oh-so beautifully dressed Wonu. He’s pulling you inside, locking the door behind, not giving you time to process. You wait for him to say something, instead he just looks at you like he’s about to cry if you don’t hug him.

So, you do. You embrace him in your arms, for the last time as a bachelor and probably the last time as your love.

After staying in each other’s warmth for a while, he lets go, letting you take a good look at him.

“God damn, Wonu! You look so sharp, didn’t know you could stop being in your nerd element” you joke, winking at him. He laughs, before twirling lazily to give you a 360 of his carefully crafted tux.

“Ready, big guy?” you ask, searching for any hint of resistance in his eyes. He locks eyes with you, nodding slowly. Things have always been like this with him, words didn’t seem like a necessity. You were more than glad to not be talking more than that because honestly, you wouldn't be in one piece.

“Yeah. Yes, I’m ready Y/N. Don’t think I've ever been sure of anything, than this moment right now.” he says, lips curling into a soft smile. That smile of his was reserved, only you had seen it apart from Jiyeon, of course. You reciprocate the same, hugging him for the one last time and leaving the room with the feeling of your heart, suddenly weighing a ton.

As soon as you exit the room, you find Cheol pacing around in the hallway. At the sight of you standing outside Wonwoo’s room, Seungcheol is walking towards you.

“Hey dove, you alright?” he asks, so full of concern. You smile so much as a reply. So much that your cheeks hurt and tears slowly start to well up from within the depths of your fragile heart.

“I'm okay Seungcheol. Let's head to the hall before we're late, yeah?” you slur, trying to shake your tears off. He comprehends how sensitive you are and just nods at you, silently hooking your arm to his while the both of you walk towards to hall.

You realize, the pain you feel, is beyond anything your brain could fathom and mere words can describe how much it hurts.

The hall looks so elegant and everyone there look so beautiful, like dolls in a dollhouse. There are lots of orchids and tulips, as an ornament to the room, making it look so soft yet neat. You move towards your friends, praising how good they look in their tuxedoes and chit-chatting your way through the whole thing, trying your best not to think.

Weirdly, Joshua’s by you the whole time, stuck like gum. Not that you mind it or anything, it's actually really comfortable. Cheol had left your side to sit with Hannie and he had taken over. His subtle touches and the way he looks at you – it helps you feel so grounded and you're more than thankful for that.

Music starts playing, indicating the beginning of the ceremony as you see Wonwoo, gracefully walking down the aisle with a faint blush and a soft smile set on his gorgeous face. Your heart falters at the sight and it refuses to function further when he looks at you, sending you one of his reserved smiles. You reciprocate the same, hands slowly being taken into Jisoo’s. You're amazed at how helpful his touches have been, it's shocking.

Gazing at Wonu, everything fades out for you except for the love you have for him.

And in no time, Jiyeon’s walked in, vowing to love your best friend until the last of her breath and with everything she’s got. You can feel your heart clenching, and Joshua senses the same too, as your clammy hands squeeze his unconsciously.

The thing was, Shua didn't need words from you to understand either. He looks at you, his pretty eyes checking for any discomfort and when you smile back at him, he decides not to bother you further.

There's a sudden cheering of the crowd, making you turn your head towards the couple as you see them kissing.

Vows were said, promises were made and bonds were created.

It was too late for you to do anything. You feel the emotions rushing out of you as you excuse yourself to get away from there.

I need some air you say, to all your worried friends. So busy running away from the love of your life, you don't notice Joshua following you.

As soon as you get out, clutching your chest you slump down onto the sofa at the lobby as tears paint your face. The pain is so much that you find yourself trying hard to breathe while the emotions keep nagging at you and drowning you in the depth of the love you have for Wonwoo.

While trying to calm yourself down, you feel a hand on your shoulder, the radiating warmth grounding you for the Nth time this night. You look up thinking it's Jihoon, but it's not.

Hong Jisoo stands there, tears in his eyes but also looking so fondly at you.

As if you're a porcelain tea cup who’d break if looked at any harder.

You feel pathetic, but Joshua pulls you into a hug, letting you wet his shoulders to your heart’s content. Hearts suddenly seem to weigh a ton, the energy draining all while you try your best to catch the breath you never had in the first place.

He's gone. The love of your life is no longer yours.

Jeon Wonwoo, your best friend but also the person who mattered so much, like how the sun was to the moon.

For the coldness in him, he had found his summer. But left you to be nothing, than a petal of the harsh Winter, waiting to writhe away in utter grief.

_________________________________________

A/N: There's now an epilogue to this series, you can find it here!

[lizzaneia-elizalde]

who among your ocs has the worst and when i say worse, the absolute terror and flaming hot jealousy issues? Like idk, top 3 maybe? and who are the top 3 who can handle their jealousy pretty well, but still jealous?

Top 3 yandere men (my OCs) when it comes to jealousy

By the way, happy Valentines day everyone! (*˘︶˘*).｡*♡

New to my blog? Check out these jealous men's fics by clicking their names!

Yandere men set 1

Top 3: Damon So, with Damon, we got a glimpse of how he is when it comes to jealousy, right? He had this maniacal, almost serial killer vibes as he killed Jupiter. Alongside with martial artist!Darling and the person darling got too close with. His himbo persona is just a front after all. He's genuinely a scary man who's full on intent on making sure you and everybody else doesn't know of his... Tendencies. So, the more you don't know about Damon, the more of a danger he is to society. So be wise, don't make him jealous, and don't fuck it up.

Top 2: Ignatius He wants your attention all to himself. He wants to hog it, and never let go. If you forgot, he killed off half his crewmates and yours because he absolutely hated it when your attention isn't on him. It wasn't with remorse too, he just straight up made them poisoned pie without hiding the fact. Yet, he's too good of an actor that the police didn't even suspect him. He wants you only for him.

Top 1: Hades When I made Hades, he and Rowan were based on two of the seven deadly sins, with Rowan being Greed and Hades being Envy. Envy and jealousy may not be the same, but they are interconnected, woven from the same thread. And Hades is envy incarnate, and in return, jealous incarnate. It may not be prevalent, but it's what his character is supposed to be, to the point that he suspected even his own men of wanting your love and torturing them.

I genuinely didn't expect top 2 and top 3, but while I was debating to myself about my yan OCs, it felt right having them there LMAO.

Yandere men set 2 (as of Feb 14)

Top 3: Alpheus Alpheus, a man who never felt emotions nor feelings, would be clumsy at handling this newfound feelings. Meaning, he doesn't know how to reel in his actions that are now smeared with emotions. And he probably will not, since the fresh feeling of finally being able to feel was too euphoric to pass up on. So you bet your ass this man will be extremely jealous of all the people who you will talk to.

Top 2: Aeron One of this man's triggers to become the demon king was you not remembering him due to helping people other than him. He also went out of his way to corrupt the fae ring into a binding engagement ring to make sure you will never, ever take it off. So if you think about it, his overdramatic ass moaning about how you didn't remember him and being blinded by his jealousy made him from a Great Hero to the Demon King. SMH.

Top 1: Yuta This man, once revered as the greatest prosecutor, became a serial killer, just because he's jealous that your attention was focused on the mafia bosses (Rowan and Hades) your initial case had! And now, he's smiling like the damn perfect man he is because your attention is back to him. Although, I wouldn't put it pass him to not get jealous of his own serial killer persona too lol.

Okay. This one I somehow expected except for Alpheus. I was thinking of Uno, but no, the man is too secure and overconfident of his own charm to be that level of jealous. Also Viper and Orion, but no. They're not on the same level as these guys.

All in all

Top 3: Aeron

Top 2: Hades

Top 1: Yuta

"Why Yuta and not Hades?"

Honestly, their positions are interchangable. But the reason why Yuta is in number one is due to their background and nature, and not their jealousy level (I know, sounds not right, but I swear I have a reason.)

Hades is envy incarnate, also jealousy. That made his character explainable as to why he has pretty high jealousy levels. He's also a bad guy, a man that crosses with the law.

But Yuta? Yuta is a prosecutor. A man of the law, somebody who upholds it and makes sure all those who opposes meet a fate behind bars. So what happens if he becames thoroughly jealous to the point that he's willing to become the enemy he swore to never be in front of lady justice just because? It's a juxtaposition, and honestly the best option. It goes against his supposed to be morals! (Thanks to 🌼anon for giving me the idea for Yuta! Yuta wouldn't be here w/o them!)

[letterex-fyofm]

analysing tskym using laufey's songs pt.1 - Magnolia

Magnolia, she could have anyone in the world Floats around town in a golden gown Born in a castle on a cloud

It's kind of late in my time zone, so this will be a short one!

It was very obvious - even before this panel - that Tadashi admired Tsukki. On their first meeting, Tadashi witnessed how Tsukki was capable of saying whatever he wanted in front of the bullies who had tormented Tadashi. He called them lame, without any hint of fear. It was three versus one, yet Kei didn't hesitate to speak his mind.

Magnolia, prettiest girl that I know Stars in her eyes, handpicked from the skies Beautiful soul

And even after they discovered that Akiteru wasn't Karasuno's ace, Yamaguchi still admired Tsukki. It really shows how, despite Tsukki himself putting all his worth and his brother's on the supposed position Akiteru occupied in Karasuno, Tadashi thought Tsukki's coolness went far beyond that.

It's on the way he talks, and walks and stands. Yamaguchi wanted to be someone like that. And he oh so admired Tsukki - but he also envied him. Deeply.

How can I compete with her? Perfection is the only word I think of when I think of Magnolia

It's very possible that Yamaguchi has insecurities about his appearance. After all that bullying he endured as a kid, it wouldn't really be a surprise for anyone. Tsukki canonically is popular with girls, he receives tons of valentines letters, you get the gist. I don't think Yamaguchi is unpopular, but he definitely doesn't have the same popularity than his best friend.

Even if Tsukki is much more introverted, closed off - he still does better than him. Again, without even really trying.

And Yamaguchi gets it. Really, he gets it. Because he admires and thinks Tsukki is so cool exactly for those reasons. It wouldn't make sense if he got upset because others see the same he sees in Tsukki.

...but, still.

Magnolia, she can move oceans and rivers with ease A word from her lips, her sirens kiss Will send you straight into abyss

A major part of Yamaguchi's character is that he, unlike Hinata, Kageyama, unlike Tsukishima - he doesn't have that same...talent? Innate hability? Whatever it is, he doesn't have it at the start. Kageyama has been training his whole life. Hinata has been diligent for years and for that he has an amazing physique. Tsukki? He has the height and a great game sense.

Despite how much he would like to, Tadashi doesn't have that.

Magnolia, I wish she'd give her secrets away Enchants everyone and I think it'd be fun To be like her someday

And if he doesn't have that, well, it seems that there is no other way out of that other than working hard, right?

That is what makes Tadashi such a great character for me. People often say he is the most realistic, but I honestly think that characters like Tsukki are. Because Tadashi and Tsukki are different sides of the same coin. They both feel inferior. But the way Yamaguchi handles it is much more mature and freaking cool than Tsukki's.

Tsukki gave up. Tadashi didn't. Despite the great disadvantage he had, Tadashi didn't quit. Because he wants to be proud of himself.

And Tsukki...Kei has everything that Tadashi would like to have. He is cool, he is tall, he is hard skinned, he speaks his mind. And yet...and yet...

I do think that, despite how much he loved him, Tadashi had to be resentful of Kei at least for a moment. But not because of envy or jealousy, because Tadashi is the type of person that will work for what he wants.

It's because Tsukki doesn't try - and what used to be such a cool thing becomes lame. Because Tadashi knows that, deep down, Tsukki would like to be better.

That is what is so annoying. That is what is so frustrating. Because Tadashi would like to have those things but guess what? He does not. And who gives a damn? He'll just work and bust his ass until he gets them. That's it.

But Kei has everything, the smarts, the height, the passion...but he stops himself before he gets too carried away.

However, Tadashi trusts Tsukki will make it. It is evident by this panel how much Tadashi knows Tsukki will make it.

...

If anyone were to write tskym angst, I think this way would be great. Imagine being resentful to the person you love?

There's also one part of me that is sure that Tsukki also resented Tadashi simultaneously. I wrote a bit about that in one of my past posts, but I'll explain it better in the next one.

Thanks for reading!

[sennamybeloved]

Sorry I know I already sent an ask but would it be possible to know some trivia about you and Mileena? As a fellow villain liker I am dying to know about you guys! - flowerhound

awww oh my god ;; these asks are so fucking sweet, thank you SO much for them. it genuinely means a lot that someone is this interested in what i have to say about my girl. of course you can have some trivia about us.

(also, i apologize that it took me a minute to get to this! wasn't ignoring it, just trying to perfect my answers :>)

this specifically discusses mk9 - 11 mileena! mk1 is excluded for now.

in mk9 - mk11, my self insert is a genetic experiment done by earthrealm's government, combining humans with animals to create ultimate war machines. however, very few of the experiments were successful, and those that were escaped when the laboratory they were created in fell apart. i was combined with a fox, of course :)

i joined the tournament to cope with how hollow my life had become after leaving the lab. i was raised to fight and knew nothing else, so, kombat soothed me. imet mileena around this time, who attempted to capture/kill me, but ultimately failed, because i won her over with flattery. more specifically, i called her face beautiful, which is something she'd never been called before. so, she spared me, and we began to talk.

at this point, i didn't have a name; only a subject number that was assigned to me in captivity. so, mileena named me "phantom" after my fur and uber-cool stealth powers. it stuck, sooo, self insert name origins!!!

other story stuff is kinda blurry. i aided her during her rebellion in mkx + the comics, helped her escape captivity before we got executed, and convinced her to "settle down" somewhere away from all the drama and politics. mileena's idea of settling down still involves terrorizing people, however, she isn't like... actively wanted for war crimes anymore. so that's cool.

on the topic of general realtionship stuff, mileena is..a lot to handle. she is aggressive and childish in the same breath, meaning that she deals with everything (both good and bad) in a way that is either inherently harmful or downright frustrating. aside from the fact that she is a literal murderer, she is bossy, whiny, petulant, and a couple other things that most people would find annoying--however, i absolutely do not find her annoying. in fact, i find all of these qualities extremely endearing! even the whole murder thing.

she's extremely clingy. she wants my undivided attention and doting affections all of the time. i'm busy? nonsense! there is no reason i shouldn't be paying attention to her.

[CW: POSESSIVENESS/JEALOUSY] not only is she clingy, but she is also protective, possessive, and a tad bit obsessive; she wants me and only me, and wants me to feel the same about her. fortunately, i do, however, that does not stop her from threatening to eat those who get sweet on me. she wants everyone to know that i am claimed by her for life, and she will stop at literally nothing to prove that.

she masks it pretty well, but she is actually extremely insecure about her appearance and origins. she finds her own face to be repulsive, hence why she always wears a mask, and envies those with traditional beauty, like kitana. i, on the other hand, think she's gorgeous just the way she is, and i am not shy about telling her that. she adores my praise, so, i keep it coming.

our primary love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation. we are stuck to each other like glue, always purring compliments in the other's ear.

mileena has eaten people for me. she will continue to eat people for me. i cannot stop this from happening.

mileena loves all of my hobbies. every time i pick up something new, she wants to hear all about it. she's a great listening, surprisingly, but only when it comes to me. she has great retention when it comes to my hobbies and my hobbies alone. she loves watching me draw, adores listening to the music i make, loves proofreading my writing. she's even tried picking up some of my hobbies for herself!

i take her friendship in mk11 as canon. one of the few things she has patience for is sewing. she tailors her own clothes, fixes up my clothes, but most importantly, she makes teddy bears. she has an entire collection of teddy bears, both big and small, some created by her whereas others were stolen and scavenged. she adores them. me and her throw little tea parties with them sometimes.

she doesn't have lips, so she can't kiss me. instead, she licks me. like a dog. like this.

she also bites. it is NOT gentle, but it is out of love, so i don't really mind it.

she is actually pretty marvelous at helping me cope with my anxiety. this is because she takes everything i say at face value instead of second-guessing and trying to convince me otherwise, so she's able to meet me where i'm at.

we both kinda suck at singing, but we sing together sometimes. she has my very diverse taste in music.

[nono-bunny]

Genuinely impressed by how realistic Barbie and Her Sisters in a Pony Tale (God that's an unnecessarily long title) is when it comes to horse etiquette, especially when it comes to Stacie

I rode for a good couple of years, so this is probably the first hobby~ movie I've seen from Barbie so far where I actually like,,, know a thing or two about the main subject (pretty much all of the others before it are ballet ones I think, and I never got very far when it came to my dancing lessons lol)

It's really cool watching Stacie fumble her mounting, brushing, and riding (mostly due to poor communication with her horse) and being able to actually SEE what she's doing wrong rather than just being told by the story she is, like! Sure, it's all pretty basic stuff, but it's also clear because of it that the people working on this movie were passionate enough about it to learn how to portray all of that in such a clear way, and that makes it really fun to watch!

Stacie getting up on her horse again after a bad, scary fall is a relatively minor plot-point, but it's still one I personally appreciated a lot- falling from a beast that can crush you in a second is REALLY scary, and getting back up again isn't to be taken for granted! She's shown to be really scared and a bit traumatized by the jump that she fell during, and I like that! It's more than understandable, and I admire her for giving it another shot and learning how to make it work together with her horse! It can be very easy to start to resent your horse after something like that, and she definitely starts off down that route where fear is about to get the better of her, so I'm genuinely happy for her that Barbie helped her past that hurdle. Your first big fall is the scariest and it can very easily cause people to quit altogether, but it's definitely a fear that can be conquered and overcome! I had a real big fall pretty early after I started riding, and it's to date probably one of the most surreal experiences I've ever had in my life, but I had the instructors and other kids there with me in the aftermath, so I got back on and kept riding for years after that! And I still for sure fell again after that, and eventually I did stop riding because for some reason I became scared over time, which honestly, is probably had a lot to do with the fact that I didn't have my own horse and had to switch horses a lot, and it's exhausting when you're constantly having to learn how to handle a new horse... And also that one horse I was paired with for A WHILE that was honestly probably way too small for me because I kept falling forward on her mane (which was highly unpleasant for both of us). Like, fr, horseriding truly is a rich person sport lol, it's so much easier when you just have your own horse that you can form a proper connection with!!! Anywayyy

I love that you can really feel both the stable camaraderie AND the underlying animosity born out of jealousy that, in my experience, at least, was a staple of my horseriding days, like! Everyone is there to have a good time with horses, but at the same time there's a lot of envy towards "the good riders", the ones who participate in all the competitions and are treated a bit like celebrities (and sometimes act like ones because of it), like!! Yeah this Barbie movie 100% nailed the vibe it was going for!! Financial troubles? Horses running away? Those are the sort of things that make everyone band together because ultimately, most everyone just wants these horses to be as safe and comfortable as possible!

I was also really scared they were going to make Etienne the villain so I'm glad he wasn't, even though his fat, scheming, ALSO french brother being the villain is not a much better look, but like... Good for Etienne, I like him, he seems like a good coach who has to deal with a lot of shit and takes it all with grace because he loves his job! I was really happy with the way they showed that Philippe was the outlier in terms of poor sportsmanship and desire to just profit off of horses, and that even his coworkers and family disapprove of his behavior. Like! You can win all the races, but that won't matter to anyone if you're also a nasty person to be around... Those kinds of people are very much still present in the horseriding circuits, but they suck and that kind of behavior is really not acceptable

This movie just?? Really brought me back to those days in the best way possible, it's so much fun and genuinely a good film, and like! For something with that kind of name I was expecting it to be either really boring or really lame (Perfect Christmas is the perfect example, god that one sucked), so it was a really nice treat for it to be especially good! All the sisters got their own neat plots that worked well too, I feel like I was about equally invested in all of them which was great! God, please let the other Barbie&co films be just as good!!

[luxurybrownbarbie]

Re: Piers feeling rejected by Meg: I'm glad you brought this up bc I've been dying to make this point: harassing women isn't always just catcalling and it isn't always sexual, but a lot of men don't seem to understand that. Male entitlement goes far beyond sex, misogynistic men feel that women owe them respect, favors, kindness, friendship, career opportunities, etc. especially if they consider that women 'beneath them' (read: non white) and especially if they feel they did said woman a favor (read: be vaguely nice to them once.) Like that one scene in Mad Men where Joan reprimands a guy for messing up a business deal and he says 'i thought you were going to be fun.' Meaning-- I obvi don't know Piers or William, but I think Piers' anger is that he assumed since he knew Meg he would always have a scoop. Like he would be her go-to for announcements and press statements and leaks, and when that didn't happen he lashed out. The press punishes you for not speaking to them. With William, who knows. Maybe he felt entitled to undying loyalty and silence and obedience as the heir and future head of the family. Judging by how people were mad at her 'woke agenda' I'm guessing a lot of these dudes felt entitled to Meghan being subservient and quiet and look at them all starry-eyed for allowing her to marry in, and she had self worth and dared to disagree w them and people couldn't handle that.

Hmm. While I think this is a very fair and balanced take, I also think there are several layers of context and discussion not really taken into account here.

Will’s behavior is absolutely up for discussion, because it can read as many things at once. But removing the elements of sexual entitlement in Piers’ behavior doesn’t make sense, respectfully. Nothing about his rage and hatred of her reads as professional anger in any way. It has been both alluded to and explicitly stated by several journalists and individuals that Piers’ hatred reads more as sexual/romantic entitlement and jealousy and not pure journalistic disrespect. He was called on it on social media and promptly deactivated for a couple of weeks back in 2021.

He did feel entitled to her because he asked her out on a “date”, and she appeared to have a good time. He had ulterior motives. If it was about being the “scoop” he would never have fixated on the “date” they had years before.

A smart journalist who felt disrespected would have used the fact that the two of them had a cordial relationship, and aimed to remain in her good graces to eventually get other scoops, like Omid and others did. Piers did not.

Harassment is entirely about power, but sex and power are inextricably linked under the patriarchy. Especially for women of color. Entitlement to women encapsulates all of those spheres, including sexual entitlement. We are hypersexualized and desexualized all at once. By her accepting that dinner with him, he immediately felt as though she was accepting him romantically/sexually, and that she should accept him because she is nonwhite and he is a white man. Her engagement filled him with rage, so much so that he has continued to hate her for years afterward, and actively sought to destroy her and possibly have her take her own life. That’s sexual entitlement taken up to 100.

Not to mention his disdain for her choice of partner. He would have been pissed no matter who she married, but the fact that she married Prince Harry set him off even more. She chose a man significantly better than him in every way. Harry is younger, titled, in the line of succession, and has a better reputation than Piers does. He is disgusted that Meghan not only “rejected” him, but managed to find a better partner. His hatred extends to Harry, which makes him even more dangerous. This is not journalistic envy, this is retaliation for wounded romantic pride. The press has absolutely punished her for not playing the game, but Piers has not led this charge out of professional grievance. The press doesn’t hate her, they like the clicks and revenue. Piers hates her.

The example you’re looking for for a man who was upset she wasn’t meek and quiet is Charles. He was happy to walk her down the aisle and constantly be seen with her until she decided to actually work and not just say yes and only speak when spoken to. Will’s anger is not nearly as controlled as Charles’ is, largely because I don’t think it’s coming from the same place. Charles is the one who demands undying loyalty by virtue of now leading the house. It’s why he cut Harry off the minute he no longer complied.

Will, who we now know (we didn’t know this when you sent this message) was a fan of hers and watched her show religiously with his wife, and was, by 99% of accounts, welcoming when they were first introduced and right up until Harry decided to marry her, suddenly feeling an anger so powerful he was willing to nearly beat up his brother does not read as anger over her not being subservient enough or not following the family blindly.

I promise, men like that, who are so deeply entrenched in their racism can, and often do, get pissed at the fact that they’re attracted to nonwhite women. I saw it at my university, and I see it now in certain circles. To be honest, Meg didn’t even need to actively reject an advance from Will. He might have expected her to be a hypersexual title chaser who would be more impressed by him and was shocked when she was only focused on his brother. Her not playing the part that he, a racist, had put her in in his mind, was also a rejection.

We obviously don’t know the motivations for these two men. But when comparing Charles’ anger, which we know to be motivated by his annoyance at her not sitting silently and looking pretty (and at her being biracial) to the anger of these two men...

[ubiquitousidol]

@knifvd asked:           MONIKA'S  BITTER  jealousy  and  envy  comes  up  her  throat  ,  seeing  the  other  speak  to  eiji  so  freely  ,  so  easily  :  doesn't  know  why  ,  doesn't  know  WHY  ,  but  it  climbs  up  her  esophagus  .  bitter  child  she  is  ,  arms  folding  over  her  chest  ,  petulantly  .  eyes  catch  the  OTHER  ,  and  eyes  water .  "  whatever  ,  yuna  .  you  made  your  choice  ,  "  program  scowls  ,  tucking  lock  of  auburn  hair  behind  her  ear  ,  "  don't  come  CRYING  to  me like  a  pathetic  little  puppy  when  he  breaks  your  heart  .  "

when her gaze locked with monika's, red meeting green, she expected that confusing wave of emotions to wash over her again. eiji tried to explain it by simply saying she ' like-liked ' something. but she liked a lot of things like and she never felt so many emotions swirl through her system at once. the feeling was confusing, but it always made her feel so warm. maybe she ought to tell eiji to run a diagnostics test to make sure nothing was wrong.

this time, that feeling was absent as monika's harsh words cut through the air. ❝ huh— ❞ made her choice? ( about what? ) and was this what monika really thought about her? no, it can't be. she refused to believe it! monika would never say such hurtful things to her. maybe to eiji when they playfully argued together — still monika always spoke to her with so much kindness. but so did the professor until he decided she could never be [ redacted ] and gave up on her. was monika already tired of her too? maybe she had enough of all her childish questions about the real world. it made sense. monika was clearly made for something bigger— something better. not to play babysitter for someone like her who only spoke about music.

yuna bit her lower lip and lowered her gaze when she felt fresh tears stinging her eyes. unlike the other times she spent with monika, these tears weren't forming because of happiness. ❝ do you think... i'm a pathetic little puppy? ❞ she asked, her voice barely audible as it wavered when she spoke up. ❝ i'm sorry if i... ❞ if she what? sorry if she annoyed her? she didn't want to hear monika say she was annoying either — that would be too much for her to handle.

her hands gripped the fabric of her dress as she struggled to form a sentence. she could vaguely hear eiji awkwardly trying to diffuse the situation beside her. something about this whole thing being a misunderstanding. but his voice sounded so far away as the phrase pathetic echoed through her head. it made sense. eiji, no matter how smart he was, was just an intern. without the professor's help or support, he would never be able to complete her. ❝ 'm sorry. ❞ she finally repeated. just like the broken record she was.

[thedysphoriadiaries]

Entry 18 - Incognito - 4 March 2023, 3:20pm

Would it be okay if I just kept all these trans thoughts to myself..? It's like a little secret between me, myself, I, and whoever's actually reading this.

I mean, I feel pretty ok isolating myself at home, and not having reminders about how male my features are... so...

Could it really be something I can live with? I mean, I'm sacrificing quite a bit to have some semblance of comfort, but, in the words of someone I've spoken to, transitioning brings about a whole new set of problems, and I don't know if I'm equipped to handle these problems, especially the one about transition regret.

The problems I'm facing now, on the other hand... those are problems I have had about two decades of experience with, and... they're kind of my normal, honestly.

I'm used to being jealous of girls. I'm... used to being called things like ‘bro’ (ugh...). I'm used to the sadness that follows me every day. I'm used to experiencing life through a couple layers of metaphysical fabric. Thoughts don't hit my brain with the same intensity as they do for others. The only emotions I truly feel are sadness and anger. Happiness is something I'm allergic to. Even love is something I rip from my own soul and give to others, while rejecting it when given to me.

I'm used to it.

It's... scary to deviate from it, even though some of the changes might be for the better.

I might have to add in extra precautions regarding the envy, before it turns to jealousy and hate, so that I don't take it out on people. Otherwise, isn't it... okay? I mean... I can live like this.

...

I once said that I didn't want to associate myself with masculinity, but... what does that really make me? Other guys can say that too. Femboys can say that too. Even women and enbies can say that too.

I suppose it just makes me a weird person.

I don't know why I feel less bad today. Maybe it's because I shaved off that crop of stuff growing on my chin (come to think of it, I don't think I ever liked it). Maybe it's because I've put on a looser fitting shirt. Maybe it's because I'm making an active effort to not look at my own reflection, even if it's the one on the screen of my phone.

But meh... who cares?

I certainly don't. I'm fine, after all. Just a little confused. And just a little compelled to take a dirt nap.

I'll go sleep.

[magniloquent-raven]

thoughts i need to get written down so they'll stop bouncing around in my skull and let me live:

stede and ed are, at the heart of them, pretty similar, yes? in a lot of the ways that matter. similar enough that when they start getting to know each other, taking a peek past the outward differences, it's easy for them to slip into a comfortable familiarity because there's this unconscious "oh, hello, i recognize you" sort of vibe.

but what i keep thinking about is the envy that's layered on top of that. for both of them. because i just. it's so fucking interesting how their self-image clashes with how they're seen by each other. they both have this soft underbelly, a love of comfort and fine things, they both feel everything so deeply. but they handle it so differently.

stede's always been someone who's incapable of hiding who he is. not because he's particularly confident about it, he's not flaunting, he just doesn't have the tools to craft any kind of disguise. he learns all these social rules and tries so hard to follow them but people still see through him and he doesn't have the people skills to know why or how. so he doesn't have any other choice but to be himself.

meanwhile ed hides so much of himself i'm not sure he even realizes he's doing it half the time. it's second nature. and he sees stede going around just. doing whatever the fuck he wants basically, telling the whole fucking world that he's soft and emotional, an whether he's doing it on purpose or not, ed is deeply in awe of that because it's something he's never been able to do.

but at the same time stede wants to be able to mask like that. he wants to know what it's like to fit in and he sees ed's ability to perform masculinity as something enviable. ("if i could just be like blackbeard, i'd give all this away" like. ouch.) i don't think he really sees how miserable it makes ed because he can't see past his own jealousy. he can't comprehend ed wanting to be like him because his whole life he's been a walking target and he doesn't get why anyone would want that. he's been told over and over again how undesirable his way of being is.

idk i'm just stuck on stede being someone who didn't have a choice in how the world sees him. he's not being himself because he's brave or self-assured, he's just not good at masking. probably part of why he's so fucking horrified when ed shaves and stops being blackbeard completely. he doesn't see his own vulnerability as a good thing, why would he want that for someone he cares about. he doesn't want ed to be a target too.

[monabee-draws]

Being a Polin fan (and a Penelope fan) is real complicated in the current state of the Bridgerton fandom, because on one hand, I get why people dislike the Screen versions of Pen and Colin (and them together) and on the other hand some of the dislikes have more to do with wishing that other characters got treated better and therefore resent that Pen/Colin will 'get something they don't deserve.'

(The next part of this got accidentally deleted so here we try again)

Hatred for Screen Colin (and this odd vindictiveness against him on the part of Polin fans especially) is so weird to me. Colin is generally one of the nicest characters - he's not a rake, and has for the most part been nothing but nice to Pen and her family. He's socially unaware for sure, and his comment about not marrying Pen (which, recall, we see from her perspective as the person most hurt by it) is dumb of him, but its actually one of the few carry-overs from the books that we do have. I can forgive Colin for being a dumb, socially unaware person who expends a lot of energy trying to 'fit in' for the most part because it is consistent with a lot of his actions. Him falling head over heels for Marina and wanting to marry for pure love. Him following Benedict's advice and drinking most of season 2 away. He's trying to find his place (his major conflict in the books), and in doing so he's very much the type to copy and follow along with the group. But he's also resentful of this trait in himself in the books. He wants to find a different niche. But we don't have timeskip 10 years later Mr Bridgerton, we have young, supposed to be charismatic and part of the ton Colin. His comment is mean, for sure. And Penelope is understandbly upset. But he is fundamentally not a terrible person.

Edit: Also, I must admit I'm not a fan of the idea of requiring that Colin 'grovels' for Pen's attention this season. Would it not be much more satisfying for him to realise his feelings in soft, small ways and then deliberately act affectionately upon them? I'd rather see Colin show his small appreciations (in the same way Pen does) than see him seething in jealousy and anger. Give me passion, yes, but not envy.

Penelope is more difficult to reconcile. In RMB, the writing is clear in that Lady Whistledown never writes badly about people lower on the social ladder - those who for whom scandal would be an irretrievable blow or be beating down the unlucky. The entire Marina storyline in S1 really undid this fundamental aspect of LW, separating Book Pen and Screen Pen quite intensely. Do I think Pen did wrong by Marina and should have displayed more remorse for her actions/apologised for them in some major way? 100% yes. I do think, however, that she does try to do better in how she initially handles the situation with Eloise in S2.

S2 Pen has learned that she has power with LW - an amount of power that she doesn't actually know how to use responsibly. She lacks a mentor, and indeed any kind of positive role models (her entire family is problematic, to say the least) and she is, ultimately, young and untested. She and Eloise are very similar in that sense - both of them suffer from the assumption that they are wiser than the people around them. But ultimately they aren't, which propels them both to try things and only realise the sheer magnitude of the outcomes afterwards. I know I wasn't level headed at age 18, and I didn't spend my life only receiving information fit for a lady.

When she sees Eloise beginning to set herself up for scandal, she does genuinely try to warn her away. Far more intensely than she did with Marina and Colin (whom she did try to speak to before resorting to LW.) I think in those actions there was an intense fear of ending up in the same situation as before and hurting someone she does care about as much as before. This is clear in how she shuts down the idea of writing about Eloise when Mme Delacroix brings it up. She agonises over it. She recognises that it isn't right to expose secrets that she's been told in confidence. She only does it because she cannot see a way out of it. The Bridgertons can (and do) survive the scandal. The Featheringtons really can't. (Which, in RMB, is the huge contention with Colin - he is upset with Pen because he knows she cannot be outed as LW without it resulting in her pretty much being run out of London.)

Also, I think the way that LW is presented in the show makes it easy to forget that what is narrated is not everything that is written in those papers. This creates the false impression that Pen writes scathingly exclusively about characters that the fandom likes/knows, when, as Daphne says in S1 "She just writes what she hears," about everyone in the ton. She writes those insults about her family's clothing because she does know that it would be suspicious if the Featheringtons of all people are not in some way insulted (considering the ton holds them in low regard.) But she doesn't write overly badly about the Bridgertons. She is, in fact, often mostly positive about them. Which is precisely why the Queen suspects Eloise! She doesn't disparage others for the sake of being mean or petty - she just writes all the the things the ton is already saying to one another.

I think its a great stretch to say that either the Marina or Eloise situations are borne of pettiness. The Marin situation is borne of a poor attempt to protect a friend, not jealousy (elsewise, would Pen have not used LW immediately, or to insult Marina before she knew of the intention to entrap Colin?) I don't blame Marina at all, though, for wanting someone such as Colin. There were no good options when we reached this story juncture. With Eloise, she clearly loves and care for Eloise and the Bridgerton family. She wants to help her friend. There is no malice in her choice even if it is not a great choice to make. The argument between them is understandable, and clearly they both need to come to terms with the new revelations. I do think Pen owes both Marina and Eloise apologies, but I don't think Pen is a terrible person who wants to hurt others either.

As for Pen and Colin together? I just hope the season speaks mostly on purpose, finding it, and growth and learning. I'd rather see a story that hinges on quiet realisations and owning up to mistakes, and moving forward, than one on jealousy.

[golbrocklovely]

(no) farther than friends // colby brock

requested by @cncogirl18: Since I’m turning 21 and can finally drink and go to the club I was wondering if you can do a smut where Colby likes me and I like him and Kat, Sam and Colby take me to the club and Colby drink but not too much, later on we admit we like each other and it turns into sex?

A/N: i haven't done a request in so long, and since it's her bday, i figured i would go ahead and do this as a special treat for @cncogirl18 and all of you. everyone go wish her a happy birthday ! hopefully yall enjoy this and lmk what you think :) and i hope to do another request at some point soon.

trigger warnings: smut, drinking, club scene, friends-to-lovers, graphic language

word count: 2169

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The relationship you had with Colby was magnetic, alluring, but strictly platonic. However, that wasn't what you wanted.

Not anymore at least.

First time you met Colby, you could feel a spark growing within your chest, hoping that flame was in his too. And it was, to your delight. You relied on each other in a more than comfortable way. That wasn't something either one of you were used to; getting close so quickly. But when you two just clicked for each other, you didn't fight it. You allowed the connection to happen.

But you never let it get farther than friends.

Everyone could tell you guys wanted more from each other. The flirting between you two was sometimes unbearable, going on for a nauseating amount of time. Colby loved the way you would roll your eyes at his words, and you loved how a light blush always rested on his cheeks as you spoke. The chemistry between you two was like a fire, and it never completely fizzled out, even when you took a break from the flirting. The stolen glances, the light caresses, the hidden smiles... it was almost too hot to handle.

You always wondered what the next step would look like for you and Colby. Would it be a relationship, or just sex? You weren't sure, and that uncertainty made your stomach churn. Regardless of your feelings for him, and possibly his for you, you didn't want to risk it. Nothing was worth losing Colby over... not even sex.

Even if that sex was going to be good... because you just knew it was going to be.

When the urge to get with Colby would hit you, you would step back, try a breathing exercise, and go talk to Kat. She was your go-to when it came to Colby. As lovely as it would have been to talk to Sam about how much you wanted to get with Colby, Kat always had the best words for you. She would tell you to take it slow, relax... you have time to be with him.

But then one day, she changed her mind.

"You should go for it!" She yelled over the loud music of the club.

You shot her a confused look. "What?"

"You heard me. You should go for it." She smirked, flipping her pink hair behind her shoulder and motioning towards Colby.

You glanced over at Colby, out on the dancefloor with a random girl. She was pretty, she looked kind. And you kind of hated her for it.

Over the years of you knowing Colby, he had been with quite a few women. At first, you didn't think twice about it. It was his life and he was your friend; who cares who he was sleeping with? But in the past couple months, any time he even mentioned a girl, deep jealousy would come over you, with a side of envy that you didn't like admitting to either. When he would talk about a girl he was into, you would get quiet, shut down, and just nod along to what he was saying. He eventually stopped talking to you about girls, and you liked it better that way. The bliss in ignorance.

After taking a long sip of your drink, you stuttered out. "No, I can't. It-it would be too awkward."

"Colby and you have been flirting for how long? It’s ridiculous that you allow him to be with anyone else." Kat rolled her eyes sassily.

You shook your head. "He's not mine."

"Well, he should be. Look, I get you're nervous. But it makes no sense why you're holding yourself back. You're hot, he's… okay looking," Kat joked, making you smile. "You should go for it."

The tone in her voice made you feel confident. Or maybe it was the alcohol. Either way, Kat was sounding right-er by the minute.

You stared at Colby, focusing in on his face. "Maybe I should go for it."

"You should." Kat agreed.

"But how?" You questioned, your breathing speeding up.

"I don't know. Be spontaneous! Guys love stuff like that." Kat exclaimed.

You nodded excitedly. "You're right. Yeah. I need to be spontaneous."

You gulped down the rest of your drink, cringing at the slight burn from the alcohol. You strutted through the crowd to Colby. Your mind wasn't exactly sure what you planned to do, but your body very much knew.

"Colby..." You called as you got closer to him, speeding up your walk.

He turned away from the girl, his eyes falling on your face as you closed the distance between you two. "Hey, what's up-"

You grabbed Colby's face, leaning in and kissing his mouth deeply. You pushed your body up against his, his hands finding your waist gently. You heard the girl scoff next to you, but you didn't pay her any mind. All you could think about was the way Colby felt against you, his body warming yours up. His lips tasted of the watermelon white claw he had been sipping moments ago. And then it suddenly hit you.

You were kissing Colby.

Your best friend.

You ripped your mouth away from his, gasping at your actions. It's like you blacked out and you awoke to his lips on yours, which in theory would have sounded like a fairy tale, but now seemed more like a nightmare.

"Oh my G-God I'm sorry Colby I shouldn't have-" You stammered through your apology, pulling away from him quickly.

You couldn't even look up at Colby. The slight glance you got from the corner of your eye as you turned to leave surprised you.

Colby looked equally as shocked as you. But he wasn't upset.

He was smiling.

Maybe you were hallucinating. There's no way Colby was smiling at the kiss you just gave him. This was all in your mind and you needed to leave. So you did just that. You passed by the table Kat, and now Sam, were at. You snatched your purse swiftly, trying to ignore Sam and Katrina's wide eyes and expressions. You heard Kat scream "Yes bestie!" as you sped out the front doors of the club.

As you pulled out your phone to call an uber, another voice came shouting your name. It was deep, and one you recognized all too well.

"Why are you leaving? What's the matter?" He asked, lightly turning you to him.

You furrowed your brow at his words. "The matter? Colby, don't act like you don't know why I'm leaving."

"Was my kissing that bad?" He joked.

"Oh my God, Colby, enough of the games." You hissed.

He exhaled hastily. "What games? You were the one that kissed me."

"Exactly. I messed up." You confessed.

He paused, his face twisting. "...Did you not want to kiss me?"

You shook your head, turning to leave. "No. Yes. No, I wanted to kiss you... but I shouldn't have."

"And why is that?" Colby followed your pace.

"Because we're friends." You argued.

"Friends don't kiss like that. Or at least none of mine do." He gasped dramatically, "Do any of yours do that?"

"Colby, don't-" You started.

He grabbed your wrist softly. "Hey. Just stop for a second."

You shuffled to a stop, allowing Colby to get in front of you. He lifted your head up so your eyes could meet his.

"I like you too." He admitted.

You squeaked. "What?"

"I figured that’s why you kissed me." He bit his bottom lip.

He leaned his forehead against yours, allowing the two of you to breathe for a moment together. Then he leaned in and kissed you, taking your breath away.

You pulled away, but not far. "We shouldn't do this."

"No, we shouldn't." He hummed, pecking at your lips.

"We're supposed to be just friends." You mumbled.

He smirked. "Exactly."

"But if we keep going..." Your voice muffled against his lips as you kept kissing each other.

He continued your thought. "We'll be going well past just friends."

"Are you ready for that to happen?" You gulped, your nerves hitting you unexpectedly.

"Are you?" Colby uttered.

"I asked you first." You murmured.

He teased. "I asked you second."

Time felt still for a moment as you looked into each other’s eyes. Wordlessly, you both knew the answer. You both wanted, needed, to take the next step. Your bodies craved it.

You don't know when Colby called for the uber, but when it pulled up, the both of you jumped in, silent and quick. You knew the way home wasn't too long, but it was going to feel like eternity. Your fingers twitched to touch Colby, to feel his skin around you. But you had to wait to get home. He had pulled you partially onto his lap, one of your legs resting over his. His hand cupped your inner thigh, his thumb rubbing small circles on the sensitive skin, sending tingles up to your sex. You did everything in your power not to jump him in the back of the uber.

Colby tucked your hair behind your shoulder. Leaning in, his breath tickled your neck as he whispered lowly in your ear the things he planned to do to you when you got home. You gripped the sleeve of his shirt, doing your best to keep your eyes from rolling back in pleasure. You could feel his growing bulge against your leg, causing goosebumps to rise across your skin.

Suddenly, you were back home, rushing through the front door and up the stairs to his room. The second his bedroom door slammed shut, your body was pressed up against it.

His mouth was heavy on yours, forcing his tongue in as he unzipped your dress with one hand and pulled it down with the other. You clumsily found the buttons of his shirt and undid them, wanting to snap them off. Once his shirt hit the floor, he grabbed your legs and lifted you up around his hips. His hands gripped your body as he carried you to the bed, throwing you down. You laughed at this movement, a smile coming to his face soon after.

"Why did we wait so long for this?" You huffed breathlessly.

He shrugged. "I don't know, but don't worry. I'll make it worth the wait."

He unbuckled his jeans, his eyes dark as he stared at you. You unclasped your bra, throwing it over him. He stared down at your sex, your pussy soaking through your panties. His cock twitched at the sight, growing harder. He yanked his jeans and underwear down, his shaft springing free. His tip leaked precum, making you even more wet.

He kissed down your torso, pulling your panties down slowly and stopping just above your aching cunt. You shuddered as his breath blew across your core.

As he opened his drawer, he pulled out a condom, ripping it open with his teeth and rolling it on. "Are you ready? Do you still want this?"

You leaned upwards, pushing your mouth against his chest and kissing him lightly. "Now more than ever."

He smiled at you, pulling you up into a kiss for just a moment. He lined his cock up with your entrance and slid in slowly. You both moaned from the sensation, your nails digging into his shoulder as his hands tightened around your hips.

His pace was slow at first causing ripples of pleasure to snake down your body. You almost couldn’t control your own movements, your hips snapping up to meet him as he began to speed up. You called out for more, and he gave it to you. His mouth found your neck, leaving bites and hickies as he thrusted into you faster and deeper.

You wanted even more, a whine falling from your lips. He smirked at the sound, pumping himself now deeper into your pussy. His fingers slid between you and rubbed your clit recklessly, a surprised groan leaving your mouth.

His thrusts began to get faster and faster, his voice low as he told you he was close. You could feel your own orgasm building, the stimulation of your clit adding even more pleasure to your body. You wrapped your legs around him tighter, wanting him as close as possible when you came undone. You were both sweating, your breaths ragged and hearts drumming in your ears.

Finally, you screamed out, feeling your cunt squeeze and spasm around his cock. He called out your name, his hips slamming into you hard as he finished with you. You both collapsed for a moment, bodies resting against each other. You ran your fingers through his hair as he lightly rubbed your sides.

He glided out of you slowly, a faint grunt leaving his lips. He trashed the condom as he laid down, pulling you into his chest. Your bodies rested against each other, spent.

“We should have done this sooner.” You giggled softly.

“I’m glad we waited,” He mumbled back, looking down at you. “This was worth it.”